Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! 5x10

Directed by

Fred Armisen as Sal & Al's Customer • John C. Reilly as Dr. Steve Brule • Paul Rudd as Paul Rudd • Ben Stiller as Self • Ivan Allen as Announcer (voice)

The half-hour series finale. Tim and Eric are gearing up for the holidays when they begin to lactate. Thinking quickly, the boys (and Eric's son Koi) decide to bottle their man milk to give as holiday gifts. However, they neglect to pasteurize the milk, killing everyone. Meanwhile, Ben Stiller and Ben Hur join forces to form the dynamic comedy duo Ben StillHur, Cinco unveils its Privacy Helmet, David Liebe Hart sings about overseas STDs, and Paul Rudd watches dancing men on a computer and becomes smitten with Tayne.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. >> ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS STAY

2. AWAY FROM DISEASE, STAY AWAY

3. FROM THOSE "HORSE," AND I MADE

4. FROM V.D.

5. BEGIN!

6. NO, SIR!

7. NO, SIR!

8. NO, SIR.

9. NO, SIR.

10. >> YOU ARE DISGUSTING,

11. DAVID LIEBE HART.

12. HONORABLE DISCHARGE!

13. >> I WAS ONLY TRYING TO PLEASURE

14. AT THE — OUT OF THE SEX

15. COMMAND.

16. GREAT JOB!

17. >> Tim: AND FROM EVERYBODY

18. HERE, WE'D LIKE TO WISH YOU A

19. HAPPY HOLIDAYS.

20. >> Eric: HI, HAPPY HOLIDAY

21. SEASON FROM AWESOME TOWN... AND

22. PRESENTS WITH THE PAP-PAP,

23. AND... YOU GET YOUR... SISTER'S...

24. >> Eric: WAKE UP. COME ON.

25. >> Tim: I-I'M TIM. I'M SORRY.

26. TODAY.

27. >> Eric: WELL, I DON'T SEE WHAT

28. THAT HAS TO DO WITH ANYTHING.

29. >> Eric: IT'S DISTRACTING ME.

30. I CAN BARELY READ THE CUE CARDS.

31. >> Tim:

32. LET ME TAKE A LOOK.

33. >> Eric: AAH, CAREFUL.

34. SWOLLEN.

35. >> Eric: TRY SLEEPING WITH THESE

36. THINGS.

37. >> Tim: GEEZ. ALL RIGHT.

38. GUYS, SO —

39. >> Eric: OW!

40. >> Tim: ACTUALLY, THERE'S A

41. LITTLE SCAB ON THE TIP OF THIS.

42. OH, GEEZ.

43. THERE'S MILK COMING OUT OF

44. THERE.

45. >> Eric: IT'S JUST MY MAN MILK.

46. >> Tim: OKAY.

47. >> Eric:

48. >> Tim:

49. >> Eric:

50. >> Tim: YEP. THIS IS GOOD STUFF.

51. >> Eric: IT'S MY MAN MILK!

52. >> Tim: WARM.

53. >> Eric: I CAN'T STOP IT!

54. TIM — STOP IT!

55. >> Tim: CUT.

56. CHOCOLATE CAKE, ASAP, AND A

57. GLASS — COLD GLASS.

58. >>

59. >> GOOD MORNING, PAUL.

60. THE DAY BE?

61. >> COMPUTER, LOAD UP

62. "CELERY MAN," PLEASE.

63. COULD YOU KICK UP THE 4-D, 3-D,

64. 3-D SPEED?

65. SMILING.

66. >> OKAY.

67. >> COMPUTER?

68. >> YES?

69. >> DO WE HAVE ANY NEW SEQUENCES?

70. ALL RIGHT.

71. >> OKAY.

72. >> HEY, PAUL.

73. I'M TAYNE, YOUR LATEST DANCER.

74. I CAN'T WAIT TO ENTERTAIN YOU.

75. >> NOW, TAYNE I CAN GET INTO.

76. COULD I SEE A HAT-WOBBLE?

77. >> YES.

78. >> AND A FLARHGUNNSTOW?

79. >> YES.

80. >> IS THERE ANY WAY TO GENERATE

81. A NUDE TAYNE?

82. >> NOT COMPUTING. PLEASE REPEAT.

83. >> NUDE TAYNE.

84. >> THIS IS NOT SUITABLE FOR

85. WORK.

86. ARE YOU SURE?

87. >> MM-HMM.

88. >> OKAY.

89. >> OH

90. I'M OKAY.

91. >> EXCUSE ME, PAUL.

92. YOUR WIFE IS ON THE PHONE.

93. IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

94. >> I'LL GET IT LATER.

95. WE HAVE IMPORTANT WORK TO DO.

96. >> Eric: WE GOT AN ITALIAN

97. MASSAGE.

98. >> Tim: OOH, HE'S GONNA BE NICE

99. AND RELAXED, I THINK SO.

100. YOU LIKE CHEESE?

101. >> Eric: IT'S MOZZARELLA!

102. >> Tim: ALMOST LIKE A PIZZA PIE!

103. >> Eric: OH, NO, NO, NO.

104. YOU GET A MASSAGE.

105. >> Tim: YOU DON'T NEED A CHINESE

106. MASSAGE.

107. YOU NEED AN ITALIAN MASSAGE.

108. AAH!

109. AAH!

110. IT'S GONNA MAKE HIM POOP A VERY

111. A NICE HOT POOP.

112. IT'S GONNA GET EVERYTHING OUT.

113. IT'S GONNA BE REALLY NICE AND

114. STINKY, BUT IT'S GONNA BE GOOD.

115. >> Both: SOFTY, SOFTY, SOFTY.

116. ROPPA! ROPPA! ROPPA! ROPPA!

117. >> PLEASE COME TO SAL AND AL.

118. MAKE THE MASSAGE.

119. I AM NOT WORK HERE.

120. I AM A CUSTOMER.

121. >> Both: COME ON DOWN TO

122. SAL AND AL'S ITALIAN MASSAGE-A.

123. >> Eric:

124. >> Tim:

125. HEY, WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA

126. THIS YEAR?

127. IT'S ONLY A COUPLE DAYS AWAY.

128. >> Eric: I'VE BEEN THINKING

129. ABOUT THAT.

130. I GOT IT.

131. A "TIM AND ERIC" HOLIDAY HUG,

132. FREE OF CHARGE.

133. >> Tim: THAT'S THE WORST IDEA

134. I'VE EVER HEARD.

135. >> Eric: I'M SORRY.

136. >> Tim: IT'S NOT A JOKE.

137. IT'S NOT A GAME. WISE UP.

138. I HAVE AN IDEA.

139. YOU'RE GETTING FROM YOUR TIT,

140. THERE, AND WE COULD BOTTLE IT

141. FREE.

142. >> Eric: I LIKE THAT. GOOD.

143. UH, ONE ISSUE, THOUGH, IS I

144. ABOUT TWO BOTTLES OF MILK, AND

145. WE HAVE MAYBE 10 FRIENDS.

146. >> Tim: I GOT SOME BREAKING NEWS

147. FOR YOU, FRIEND.

148. I JUST STARTED LACTATING.

149. >> Eric: YOU DID NOT.

150. >> Tim: MM-HMM.

151. COME AND CHECK IT OUT.

152. >> Eric: LET ME TAKE A LOOK AT

153. THESE TITS, HERE.

154. THEY'RE NICE AND SWOLLEN.

155. >> Tim: YEAH.

156. OOH. OW, OW. SENSITIVE.

157. >> Eric: LET ME PICK THIS SCAB

158. OFF, HERE.

159. >> Both: OH!

160. >> Tim: THERE IT IS.

161. >> Eric: YEAH.

162. YOU KNOW, IF WE'RE GONNA BOTTLE

163. AND DELIVER ALL THIS MILK, WE'RE

164. GONNA NEED SOME HELP.

165. >> Eric: YOU KNOW WHAT?

166. MY SON KOI IS IN TOWN.

167. HE CAN HELP.

168. >> Tim: KOI'S BACK FROM SCHOOL?

169. >> Eric: HE'S RIGHT OVER HERE.

170. KOI, COME OUT!

171. >> Tim: KOI!

172. >> Eric: HEY, KOI, COME OUT, AND

173. KISS UNCLE TIM.

174. >> Tim: KOI, COME ON OUT.

175. >> Eric: COME ON OUT HERE, KOI.

176. COME SAY HI TO UNCLE TIM.

177. I'M SORRY.

178. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

179. >> Tim: KOI, I HOPE YOU DIDN'T

180. GET INTO MY LASAGNA.

181. WHAT ARE YOU EATING, THERE?

182. >> Eric: WHAT'S THAT IN YOUR

183. MOUTH, KOI?

184. IF THAT'S YOUR LASAGNA, I'M

185. REALLY SORRY.

186. >> Tim: KOI, DON'T YOU WANT TO

187. MILK?

188. >> Eric: KOI, GET OUT FROM THE

189. TREE!

190. HE'S A CUTE BOY.

191. >> Tim: YEAH, HE'S A BOY.

192. OH.

193. >> Eric: OH, YEAH.

194. IT'S A GEYSER.

195. >> Tim: OOH, THERE SHE BLOWS.

196. >> Eric:

197. >> Tim: OOH, OLD FAITHFUL.

198. >> Eric: IT'S SO GOOD.

199. GOOD MAN MILK.

200. >> Tim: ALL RIGHT.

201. LET'S GET THIS BOTTLED.

202. BEN, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR

203. COMING IN ON A SUNDAY.

204. BIG FANS OF YOURS.

205. >> AND, I'M — YOU KNOW, I'M A

206. HUGE...

207. >> Eric: THANKS.

208. >> Tim: I DO WANT TO GET YOUR

209. AUTOGRAPH AFTER WE'RE DONE HERE,

210. BUT THAT'D BE COOL.

211. SO, YOU'VE KIND OF REACHED A

212. PLATEAU AS A SOLO ARTIST.

213. >> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

214. >> Eric: WELL, IT MEANS YOU HAVE

215. BEN STILLERS AROUND HERE, AND

216. IT'S ONLY BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE

217. SOME OF THE DUOS ARE.

218. >> Tim: WE'RE LOOKING TO EXPAND

219. YOUR BRAND, YOUR NAME, AND

220. WORK WITH.

221. BEN, SAY HELLO.

222. >> Eric: BEN HUR.

223. >> HEY, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

224. >> Eric: WE'VE COME UP WITH A

225. THAT WE THINK YOU'LL LIKE

226. THAT'LL EXPLAIN THIS IDEA FOR

227. YOU.

228. >> OKAY. OKAY. WHAT IS THAT?

229. >> Tim: ALL RIGHT.

230. CAN WE QUIT THE BULL?

231. YES OR NO?

232. >> Eric: WE'RE LOOKING FOR A

233. COMMITMENT, FINANCIALLY, AND

234. YOU.

235. SIGN THE DEAL TODAY, AND —

236. >> OKAY, WHAT IS THE DEAL?

237. WHAT IS THE ACTUAL DEAL?

238. A DEAL TO DO WHAT?

239. >> Tim: YOU KNOW, I'LL BE HONEST

240. WITH YOU — I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

241. >> YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

242. >> Tim: THANKS FOR COMING IN.

243. >> Eric: WHERE'S MY CHIPPY?

244. HOP-HOP. POP, POP, POP.

245. OH, I MISS YOU.

246. COME OUT, PLEASE, POPEYE.

247. NO, NO.

248. >>

249. >> Eric: THERE'S MY CHIPPY.

250. >> OH!

251. I'M QUALL.

252. UM...

253. WELL, IF YOU WANT TO GET A DAY

254. PASS, YOU'LL HAVE TO USE YOUR

255. TAP CARD.

256. YOU KNOW, IF ONE'S BEEN AROUND

257. 59 YEARS, THERE'S BOUND TO BE AT

258. SPREAD.

259. HUNDRED POUNDS OR SO.

260. YEAH, PAPER TOWELS ALWAYS COME

261. IN HANDY FOR JUST ANY OLD THING.

262. I'M QUALL.

263. >> HEY, HEY! BEN! BEN!

264. HEY, MAN.

265. I DON'T KNOW.

266. I DON'T KNOW WHAT JUST HAPPENED

267. BACK THERE.

268. THOSE GUYS ARE RIDICULOUS.

269. >> I AM TOTALLY CONFUSED.

270. >> NO, NO. LISTEN TO ME.

271. I DON'T KNOW YOU FROM ANYWHERE.

272. BUT, LIKE, I'M SITTING THERE

273. LOOKING AT YOU, AND YOU WERE

274. GIVING ME THE...

275. YEAH, YEAH.

276. FROM THAT THAN ANYTHING I'VE

277. DONE IN, LIKE, THE LAST 20

278. YEARS, YOU KNOW?

279. YOU KNOW, I'M NOT ASKING YOU IF

280. YOU THINK MY CAREER'S PLATEAUED,

281. EMOTIONALLY PLATEAUED...

282. >> OKAY.

283. >> ... IN MY LIFE.

284. >> POSSIBLE.

285. >> AND I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD

286. JUST, YOU KNOW, BE THERE FOR

287. COULDN'T DO BUT TOGETHER...

288. >> AS A GROUP.

289. ALL RIGHT.

290. >> ALL RIGHT.

291. >> YOU GOT IT.

292. >> HI, I'M DR. STEVE BRULE WITH

293. "WOULDN'T THAT BE COOL?"

294. IN 1971, BILL GATES INVENTED

295. MICROSOFT.

296. WOULDN'T IT BE COOL IF I COULD

297. MY E-MAIL?

298. THAT WOULD BE COOL.

299. >> Both: ♪ WE PUMP OUR BREASTS

300. >>

301. LET'S GO BACK TO YOUR PLACE.

302. >> ALL RIGHT.

303. LET ME MAKE A CALL REAL QUICK.

304. >> OKAY.

305. >> HELLO?

306. >> HEY, BRO.

307. I MET THE HOTTEST BABE TONIGHT.

308. WE'RE ON OUR WAY BACK TO THE

309. DORM.

310. >> DUDE, I'M HERE TONIGHT.

311. I TOLD YOU IT'S MY NIGHT TO HANG

312. IN THE DORM ROOM.

313. >> DUDE, IT'S NOT YOUR NIGHT.

314. IT'S MY NIGHT.

315. I HAVE A HOT BABE.

316. IT'S MY NIGHT.

317. >> COME ON, DUDE.

318. I'M CHILLING HERE TONIGHT.

319. >> COME ON, DUDE.

320. SHE'S RED HOT, DRIPPING WET.

321. COME ON, DUDE.

322. >> COME ON, DUDE.

323. >> DUDE, THIS BABE IS READY TO

324. BONE NOW.

325. >> COME ON, DUDE.

326. >> DUDE, I'M COMING OVER.

327. >> ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

328. FROM ONE FRESHMAN TO THE OTHER,

329. I'LL DO YOU A SOLID, BRO.

330. YOU GUYS CAN COME OVER AND BANG.

331. I'LL WEAR THE CINCO PRIVACY

332. HELMET.

333. >> COME ON, MAN.

334. >> CINCO PRESENTS A NEW ROOMMATE

335. PRIVACY DEVICE, THE CINCO

336. PRIVACY HELMET.

337. IT'S RICHARD DUNN'S BALD FACE

338. PREDICTIONS, WHERE RICHARD DUNN

339. PREDICTS YOUR SON'S BALD SPOTS.

340. >> IF I EXAMINE YOUR BOY HEAD,

341. I'M GONNA FIGURE OUT WHERE YOUR

342. BALD SPOTS ARE GONNA BE.

343. YOU'RE GONNA BE REAL BALD, SON.

344. MM-HMM.

345. AH, YES, YES, YES!

346. I'M NOT JUST A PREDICTOR OF

347. BALDNESS, I'M ALSO AN ARTIST.

348. PREDICTED FOR YOU.

349. >> AM I DONE?

350. >> OH, NO, BOY.

351. WE'RE NOT DONE YET.

352. I PREDICTED MORE BALD SPOTS.

353. THIS TIME, IN THE FRONT OF YOUR

354. HEAD.

355. YOU'RE GONNA BE A WEIRD-LOOKING

356. OLD MAN.

357. YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS, YOUR

358. MOM, AND SHOW THEM THAT THIS IS

359. WHAT YOU'RE GONNA LOOK LIKE AS A

360. MAN, AND IT AIN'T PRETTY.

361. WEEK, AND WE'LL BALD YOU OUT.

362. HAIRY LIPS.

363. >> EXCUSE ME, PAUL.

364. PIERRE.

365. >>

366. LOOKING GOOD.

367. MM.

368. >> Eric: MY NAME IS

369. DR. BILL PHLEMN, AND MY BEST

370. FRIEND IS DR. SAM HYNGUS.

371. >> Tim: OH, I MET BILL PHLEMN IN

372. COLLEGE.

373. WE WERE DORM-MATES.

374. >> Eric: WE BOTH SUFFER FROM

375. POOLS OF BLOOD IN OUR STOMACH.

376. >> Tim: THERE'S A SIMPLE WAY TO

377. STOMACH.

378. AND YOU BE ORGANIZED.

379. >> Eric: "BE PROVOCATIVE."

380. OKAY, I GET THAT.

381. "BE ORGANIZED." WHAT?

382. >> Tim: A SIMPLE WAY TO

383. TAKE A THIN ROPE, PUT IT DOWN

384. YOUR THROAT, INTO YOUR STOMACH,

385. BLOOD ON THE TIP...

386. >> Eric: PROBLEM — I GOT BLOOD

387. IN MY STOMACH.

388. SOLUTION — BE PROVOCATIVE, BE

389. ORGANIZED.

390. >> Tim:

391. >> Eric: ANY IDIOT CAN DO THIS.

392. >> Tim: I HAVE A HARDER TIME

393. ORGANIZED, BUT THEY'RE BOTH

394. IMPORTANT.

395. >> Eric: BE PROVOCATIVE — OH!

396. BE ORGANIZED. TIGHT.

397. >> Tim: FOLLOW MY TWO-STEP PLAN.

398. IT'S WORKED FOR BILL PHLEMN.

399. >>

400. >> HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM TIM AND

401. ERIC.

402. >> INTERESTING.

403. >> MERRY CHRISTMAS, LADIES AND

404. GENTLEMEN.

405. THIS IS JAMES QUALL.

406. UP THE MISTLETOE, EVERYONE

407. DECIDES TO PLAY HIDE-AND-SEEK.

408. >> HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM TIM AND

409. ERIC.

410. >> WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

411. AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

412. >> DID YOU KNOW JESUS WAS PART

413. ALIEN AND HUMAN.

414. GOOD WILL TOWARD MEN.

415. >> CHRISTMAS IS A TIME FOR

416. GIVING.

417. IS THAT RIGHT?

418. >> YES, IT IS.

419. >> HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM TIM AND

420. ERIC.

421. >> WOW. THANK YOU.

422. >> DRINK THAT MILK!

423. >> WELL, I GUESS I WILL FOR YOU,

424. SON.

425. >> Eric:

426. >> Tim: OH. UGH.

427. ERIC, COME HERE FOR A SEC.

428. >> Eric: WHAT'S WRONG?

429. >> Tim: THIS MILK IS SPOILED.

430. FRIENDS.

431. >> Eric: NO, YOU SAID YOU WERE

432. GONNA PASTEURIZE IT.

433. >> Tim: NO, KOI SAID THAT YOU

434. AND PASTEURIZE THE MILK.

435. >> Eric: YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA

436. PASTEURIZE IT.

437. PASTEURIZE IT.

438. >> Eric: YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA

439. PASTEURIZE IT.

440. >> Tim: YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA

441. PASTEURIZE IT.

442. >> Eric: YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA

443. PASTEURIZE IT.

444. >> Tim: YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA

445. PASTEURIZE IT.

446. >> Eric: YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA

447. PASTEURIZE IT.

448. >> Tim: YOU SAID YOU WERE

449. GONNA...

450. >> HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM TIM AND

451. ERIC.

452. >> THANK YOU.

453. ICKY. THAT'S NO GOOD.

454. >> Both: I THOUGHT YOU WERE

455. GONNA PASTEURIZE IT.

456. PASTEURIZE IT.

457. PASTEURIZE IT.

458. PASTEURIZE IT.

459. PASTEURIZE IT.

460. PASTEURIZE IT.

461. PASTEURIZE IT.

462. >> ROPPA! ROPPA! ROPPA! ROPPA!

463. >> HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD KID THIS

464. YEAR?

465. >> MM-HMM.

466. >> WELL, THEN HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO

467. YOU.

468. HAVE A GOOD ONE.

469. AND WHO'S THIS LITTLE BOY?

470. COME ON UP.

471. >> HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM TIM AND

472. ERIC.

473. >> WELL, THANK YOU, AND HAPPY

474. HOLIDAYS TO YOU, TOO.

475. LOOKS LIKE MILK.

476. ROTTEN MILK.

477. HOLD THIS FOR ME, SWEETHEART.

478. >>

479. >>

480. >>

481. >> Both: HAPPY HOLIDAYS,

482. EVERYBODY!

483. >> Tim:

484. >> Eric:

485. >> Tim: HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

486. >> Eric: HAPPY HOLIDAYS,

487. EVERYBODY.

488. >> Tim: WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.

489. >> Eric: WE LOVE YOU.

490. >> Tim: 1, 2, 3.

491. >> Both: HAPPY HOLIDAYS,

492. EVERYBODY!

493. WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!