The Munsters 2x13

Directed by

Elsie Baker as Grandma Farber

The Munsters’ pet Spot runs away from home and is mistaken for a dangerous monster when he is sighted in the sewer. When Herman goes down the manhole to search for Spot, he too is mistaken for a dangerous monster. The Mayor vows to rid the city of these menaces by using TNT.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. We're gonna wipe them out. All of them! To the very last man!

2. We'll destroy them!

3. We'll spare no one!

4. They all have to go.

5. The Mayor, the City Council, and even the dog-catcher.

6. And this machine I'm working on will do it!

7. It's my magic, remote-controlled voting machine.

8. The election's next Tuesday and I'm voting against the whole ticket.

9. How's the machine coming, Grandpa? Herman...

10. when I've got this machine finished, every time we cast a vote here...

11. it will automatically be registered in every voting machine in the city.

12. It won't be a landslide, it'll be an avalanche.

13. Herman, will you come up here?

14. Spot's been a bad boy in the living room.

15. Why does this have to happen every time I come home?

16. Spotty was out back playing in the quicksand...

17. and when Eddie went off to school, he left the door open.

18. Spot got in and tracked mud all through the house.

19. In the old country, our pets were never allowed in the house.

20. They hung on a wall of their cave, where they belonged.

21. I must say that Spotty has been a very bad boy...

22. and the time has come for some stern discipline.

23. Don't be mean to him, Uncle Herman. He might run away again.

24. Naughty!

25. Spot, come back here. I didn't mean it.

26. Spot!

27. Oh, he's run away.

28. Well, you came through again, Herman.

29. You broke your little boy's heart.

30. Sometimes you act just like a regular monster.

31. Shucks, I can't do anything right.

32. Don't worry, Eddie. Spotty will come back.

33. And stop biting your nails.

34. Besides, Eddie, you're throwing away the best part.

35. Spot's been gone all day. I bet I'll never see him again.

36. Your father's out whistling for him now.

37. Here, Spot!

38. No luck so far.

39. I guess he just must not be in the neighborhood.

40. Poor Spotty.

41. Eddie, while your father has been making a fiasco of this...

42. your loving grandfather has composed a lost-and-found ad for the paper.

43. Grandpa, that's a wonderful idea.

44. "Family pet...

45. "green with yellow scales. Friendly, affectionate.

46. "Answers to the name of Spotty.

47. "Breathes fire when hungry. Has battle-ax scar on left shoulder."

48. Lily, Uncle Herman, look what's in tonight's paper.

49. "Creature sighted in sewer.

50. "Giant lizard seen by workmen.

51. "From time to time, workmen have encountered eels...

52. "and even crocodiles in the underground pipes.

53. "But the creature seen today by several frightened workmen...

54. "was compared in size to the Loch Ness monster."

55. Gee, do you think that could be Spot?

56. I don't think so, Eddie. I mean, how could Spot frighten anyone?

57. "Mayor Handley hints the creature may be a hoax...

58. "to embarrass his administration on the eve of election.

59. "Picture on page three."

60. "City employee gets candid shot."

61. Hey, that is Spot. Of course.

62. He always was shy about having his picture taken.

63. Pop, can we go down tomorrow and get him?

64. Tomorrow?

65. I have a very heavy schedule at the parlor tomorrow, Eddie.

66. Marilyn, you don't have any classes tomorrow.

67. Why don't you go down to City Hall, explain to them that it's our pet...

68. and that we want him back. All right.

69. But I'll take his leash along...

70. so he doesn't jump out of the car into the traffic.

71. And, Marilyn, one word of caution...

72. we have a very inefficient city administration.

73. Don't let them tie you up with a lot of red tape.

74. Two reporters are here with who?

75. A very attractive young lady. One of those citrus queens?

76. I hope she's wearing a bathing suit. Nothing like that.

77. This is a Miss Munster.

78. The reporters found her downstairs at the Animal Regulation Bureau...

79. claiming that thing seen in the sewer is her family pet.

80. Oh.

81. I thought that story was a plant.

82. My opponents are going all out to make me a laughingstock in the community.

83. We'll nip this thing in the bud right now. Send them in.

84. This is Miss Munster, Mayor Handley.

85. How do you do?

86. I hate to bother you, Mr. Mayor, but I've been given such a runaround...

87. and these nice gentlemen suggested that I come to your office.

88. Well, wasn't that nice of these gentlemen?

89. You see, that so-called "creature" seen in the sewer is our family pet, Spotty.

90. He ran away from home and I've come to bring him back.

91. I see.

92. And I suppose that is little Spotty's collar.

93. Yes. I brought it with me because...

94. my Uncle Herman doesn't want me violating the leash law.

95. What do you have to say about this, Your Honor?

96. I have just this to say:

97. My office is just a little too sophisticated

98. to give credence to this ridiculous story.

99. But, Your Honor...

100. Please, Miss, I'm a very busy man.

101. Eddie, what are you doing up at this hour?

102. I couldn't sleep, worrying about Spot.

103. But, dear, Grandpa and your father have been out for hours.

104. I'm sure they'll have him back before morning.

105. Now, you wouldn't want Woof-Woof to see you crying, would you?

106. Heck! What do you think he's doing?

107. Okay, Herman, here we are. Now get down there.

108. I don't know, Grandpa. I haven't been down in a sewer in 100 years.

109. Believe me, they haven't changed.

110. Quiet!

111. Here, would you hold this?

112. I can make it. Good.

113. What's the matter? What's the matter?

114. You forgot the lantern.

115. And don't come back till you find Spot.

116. Here, Spot!

117. Well, how do you like that?

118. Flaky old sewer.

119. Here, Spot!

120. Here, Spot!

121. Aunt Lily, Uncle Herman's been out all night.

122. Have you heard anything from him? Not a word, and I'm so worried, Marilyn.

123. I'm going in to talk to Grandpa. He's having breakfast in bed.

124. Okay, take it away.

125. Come in.

126. Grandpa, I have to talk to you.

127. What's new?

128. What's new? Herman's been missing all night, that's all.

129. Fresh air.

130. Who's been missing all night? Herman.

131. Oh, yeah.

132. Well, I put the lid on him at Sixth and Elm about midnight.

133. He'll be home with Spot before long.

134. I'm worried about him down there in that sewer.

135. Now listen, if a member of our family can't get along underground...

136. boy, we're all in trouble!

137. Here, Spot!

138. Spotty!

139. Here, Spot!

140. Here, Spot!

141. Guess I'll try 14th Street.

142. Here, Spot!

143. You guys read in the paper about Ed Barton seeing a creature down here?

144. Yeah, he said it looked like a giant lizard.

145. I kind of go along with the mayor. Sounds like a phony story to me.

146. Me too. You know, I think Ed's playing the psycho bit.

147. Wants to be ready to cash in on Medicare when it comes along.

148. Yeah, I've heard all the stories about crocodiles and eels and stuff.

149. But I've been on this job 14 years, and I've never seen anything...

150. that would frighten me. Me, neither.

151. What is that?

152. What's wrong with them?

153. Just 'cause I didn't shave this morning is no reason for them to be rude.

154. Here, Spot.

155. Spot.

156. So help us, Your Honor.

157. We were sitting there eating our lunch when this thing came at us.

158. It stood up on its hind legs, held a torch in its claw, and charged us.

159. We all saw it, and all we was drinking was coffee.

160. May we quote you as saying that this may be...

161. the mate of the creature previously sighted?

162. Well, I don't think I'd go that far, no.

163. The people of this city are frightened...

164. and they're demanding some kind of official action.

165. "I have always been a man of action.

166. "And I plan to instruct our Department of Public Works...

167. "to plant dynamite at strategic places in our sewer system...

168. "and blast these so-called 'creatures' out in the open."

169. "Mayor to blast monsters."

170. You know, Henrietta, I'm a little worried.

171. I don't like all this talk about creatures running loose.

172. Well, if you ask me, that mayor's just making a big thing about this...

173. to draw attention away from his record.

174. Ladies, excuse me, but I seem to be lost.

175. Could you direct me to Mockingbird Lane?

176. "Monster sighted again.

177. "Frightens shoppers. Mayor pledges swift action."

178. Lily, they think Herman is some kind of a monster...

179. and they're going to use dynamite in the sewer.

180. Oh, dear.

181. I hope we can get through to the mayor and stop him.

182. You know, a charge of dynamite might just damage my Herman.

183. It's ringing.

184. Hello, Mayor's office.

185. Yes, this is Mrs. Herman Munster, 1313 Mockingbird Lane.

186. I want to speak to the mayor at once please.

187. I'm sorry, but Mayor Handley isn't here.

188. But this is an emergency.

189. It's my husband and our family pet the city's planning on blowing up.

190. Well, there's nothing we can do, lady.

191. Right now, the mayor is at the corner of 12th Street and Main.

192. He personally is going to set off the first charge of dynamite at 10:30.

193. But...

194. Oh, dearie me. What's the matter, Lily?

195. The mayor is planning to blow up Herman in about 10 minutes.

196. There's no time to lose. We've got to hurry.

197. Oh, dear, we've got to get there before Herman goes to pieces.

198. Everyone evacuate the area.

199. Evacuate this area.

200. All pedestrians, out of the area.

201. As Mayor, I feel it is my duty...

202. to throw the first dynamite charge...

203. to rid our fair city of its subterranean menace.

204. There's a light up ahead.

205. Hurry up, Grandpa. We only have four minutes left.

206. A red light.

207. Get your license through the mail order?

208. Could you give us another picture, Your Honor, before you drop the dynamite?

209. Oh yes, of course. All right, go ahead.

210. Thank you, Your Honor.

211. Oh, goody!

212. Open manhole. At last, I'll get some action.

213. Grandpa, a truck!

214. We're all ready, boys. Now stand back.

215. Everyone evacuate the area.

216. The mayor is going to set off the dynamite. Evacuate this area.

217. Hold it! Stop!

218. All pedestrians, out of the area.

219. Hold it!

220. Must be some litterbug up there.

221. I'll just toss it right back up to him.

222. Now, what was it you had to say?

223. Forget it.

224. And then there was this terrible explosion.

225. And the next thing I knew, I was lying in the gutter three blocks away...

226. and Spot was licking my face. Then what did you do?

227. We took a taxi home.

228. Of course, when we got here, I made Spot give it back to the driver.

229. Boy, what a catastrophe.

230. I haven't spent a night like that since the last days of Pompeii.

231. I think Spot wants to go out.

232. Well, you'd better take him out, Eddie.

233. But be sure to keep him on his leash.

234. That's right. Now, we don't want to lose him again.

235. Come on, Spot!

236. Now, the main thing is that we're all together once again...

237. as a normal, happy family. That's right, dear.

238. Now my only worry as a responsible and conscientious citizen...

239. is who to vote for in the election tomorrow.

240. How's the machine coming, Grandpa?

241. It's all finished. I had to scrounge around the house for a few extra parts, but...

242. it'll all be ready for tomorrow.

243. But, Your Honor, why are we coming here?

244. Because, my dear Ted, it's obvious these Munsters...

245. are behind my opponent's campaign to ruin me.

246. First, Miss Munster came with that ridiculous story about her pet.

247. And then, last night, Mrs. Munster phoned to tell me that...

248. that creature in the sewer was her husband.

249. These are the kind of people I want on my side.

250. Well, when you turn on the charm, I'm sure you'll have no trouble at all.

251. How do you do, Miss Munster?

252. Mr. Mayor. How are you, Your Honor?

253. I wonder if we might speak to your family on a matter of business?

254. Why, certainly. Aunt Lily and Uncle Herman are right in the living room.

255. They just finished breakfast. Won't you come in?

256. I knew all along that mayor was a shifty character.

257. He just couldn't stand there and look me in the eye.

258. Well, Herman, the machine is all finished.

259. Now we've got a sure-fire way to control the election.

260. We'll throw all those bums right out of office.

261. Goody.

262. Would you explain to me just once more how the machine works?

263. Well, Herman, you see, this machine...

264. is magically connected, by radar, to every voting machine in the city.

265. When you go in and pull the lever for our candidates...

266. automatically, every machine in the city votes for them.

267. Grandpa, you're such a force for good in this community.

268. My mother told me... to pick this one.

269. Just pull that lever and automatically...

270. your vote will be registered all over the city.

271. Well just don't stand there, hand me the soap!