1. I'm going down to South Park
Gonna have myself a timeCopy !req
2. Friendly faces everywhere
Humble folks without temptationCopy !req
3. Going down to South Park
Gonna leave my woes behindCopy !req
4. Ample parking day or night
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour"Copy !req
5. Heading on up to South Park
Gonna see if I can't unwindCopy !req
6. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy
Timmy, TimmyCopy !req
7. Living a lie, Timmy!Copy !req
8. Come on down to South Park
And meet some friends of mineCopy !req
9. Shut... Shut up, you guys. Shut up...Copy !req
10. Hello, City Wok.Copy !req
11. Take order, please.Copy !req
12. Hello, is this City Wok?Copy !req
13. Yes, this City Wok.Copy !req
14. Yes, we'd like one order
of the City beef.Copy !req
15. City beef.Copy !req
16. And I'll have the City chicken.Copy !req
17. City chicken.Copy !req
18. Oh, dude, look! It's that commercial
with the guy that lostCopy !req
19. four hundred pounds eating
at Subway sandwiches!Copy !req
20. Still looking good, his name is JaredCopy !req
21. His name is Jared
and he likes to eat the sandwichesCopy !req
22. - Hey, fellas!
- Hey, Kenny!Copy !req
23. No, gosh darn it, my name's not Kenny.Copy !req
24. Kenny's dead and you're all
gonna have to learn to deal with that.Copy !req
25. - Okay, Not Kenny.
- Hey, South Park!Copy !req
26. You can meet Jared
in person March 6thCopy !req
27. at the Kenny McCormick
Memorial Town Square.Copy !req
28. Oh, boy! Jared's coming to town!Copy !req
29. Dude! That's today!Copy !req
30. We gotta get down there!
Come on, Not Kenny!Copy !req
31. No, gosh darn it,
my name's not "Not Kenny"!Copy !req
32. Okay, come on, Not Not Kenny.Copy !req
33. Oh, I'm getting steamed, now.Copy !req
34. Hello, City Wok!Copy !req
35. City Wok, we take your order please!Copy !req
36. - Excuse me, can we get through here?
- Hell, no!Copy !req
37. I've been saving this spot for six hours!Copy !req
38. His name is Garrison, Mr. GarrisonCopy !req
39. He lost 10 pounds taking Jared's leadCopy !req
40. Here he comes!Copy !req
41. He's still looking goodCopy !req
42. With all those sub sandwichesCopy !req
43. Thank you all so much.Copy !req
44. You know, after a year of eating
delicious sub sandwiches,Copy !req
45. I've proven weight loss is easy!Copy !req
46. And I promise you,Copy !req
47. I will always be
your faithful leader in easy weight loss!Copy !req
48. - All right!
- All right!Copy !req
49. That guy ate all the sandwiches
he wanted and lost weight.Copy !req
50. He is so cool.Copy !req
51. Mr. Fogle, some fans wanted to see
if you'd sign their sandwich.Copy !req
52. Sure. Let them in.Copy !req
53. - Hi, kids.
- Wow, Jared.Copy !req
54. Dude, did you really lose all that weight
eating nothing but sub sandwiches?Copy !req
55. I sure did.Copy !req
56. And... Well, I also had a little help
on the side.Copy !req
57. What kind of help?Copy !req
58. Well, eating sub sandwiches
was a big part of it,Copy !req
59. but the way that I lost so much weight
was that I got aides.Copy !req
60. - AIDS?
- That's right.Copy !req
61. I got aides about two years ago
and I've been losing weight ever since!Copy !req
62. It's amazing how slim
you can get with aides.Copy !req
63. - I'll bet you can.
- Would you like to meet them?Copy !req
64. - Them?
- My aides.Copy !req
65. Scott! Tyler!Copy !req
66. Scott is my personal trainer
and Tyler is my dietician.Copy !req
67. - Hello!
- Hello!Copy !req
68. Oh, a-I-d-e-s, aides.Copy !req
69. Yeah, hooray for aides!Copy !req
70. Well, that's not really
what you say in the commercial.Copy !req
71. I know, you kind of have
to read the fine printCopy !req
72. at the bottom of the screen.Copy !req
73. It says I only ate a half-size
lean turkey sandwichCopy !req
74. with no mustard or mayo
or anything like that,Copy !req
75. and then had proper diet
and exercise aides.Copy !req
76. But you're lying to people.Copy !req
77. If they knew that you didn't just eat
all the sandwiches you want,Copy !req
78. you might not be so popular.Copy !req
79. You think so?
Well, why should it matter?Copy !req
80. It matters, dude.Copy !req
81. That penis butt didn't lose weight
eating sub sandwiches.Copy !req
82. He lost weight because
he ate less of them and exercised.Copy !req
83. Yeah, it's only in America
somebody can become famousCopy !req
84. just because they go from being
a big fat ass to not being a big fat ass.Copy !req
85. Oh, my God, you guys,
I think I'm having a genius moment.Copy !req
86. Yes, yes.Copy !req
87. It's coming to me now.Copy !req
88. Is that... That's diarrhoea.Copy !req
89. No. Don't you see what this all means?
Anybody could do what he did.Copy !req
90. What's to stop someone else
from going to, say,Copy !req
91. City Wok and cutting a deal with them?Copy !req
92. Say they'll eat nothing
but their Chinese food,Copy !req
93. but then eat only a little,
tiny bit of it and exercise.Copy !req
94. Then City Wok could say
their food makes you lose weight!Copy !req
95. That's right, Stan.Copy !req
96. It's a cash cow, I tell you.Copy !req
97. - That's a great idea.
- Lose weight and make money.Copy !req
98. I tell you,
this is gonna be the greatest thingCopy !req
99. - That Butters has ever done.
- Me?Copy !req
100. Who do you think I'm talking
about, Butters, Joyce DeWitt?Copy !req
101. Oh, no, I thought you meant you.
You're the fat one.Copy !req
102. I can't lose weight, Butters,
because I'm not fat, I'm big boned.Copy !req
103. You can't slim down bones, stupid.Copy !req
104. But Butters isn't fat.Copy !req
105. That's my whole point.Copy !req
106. First, we fatten him up,
then we make the deal with City Wok,Copy !req
107. then take the weight back off.Copy !req
108. He's right. If Butters is naturally skinny,Copy !req
109. he'll be able
to take the weight off faster.Copy !req
110. But, fellas, if I get fat,
my parents will ground me!Copy !req
111. Oh, come on, just think
about how famous you'll be!Copy !req
112. - You mean like Jared?
- Yeah, dude. You'd be just like Jared!Copy !req
113. Well, to heck with that.
You said Jared was a penis butt.Copy !req
114. You wouldn't be a penis butt, Butters.
You'd be famous.Copy !req
115. Just think about all those
people following you around,Copy !req
116. singing songs to you
just 'cause you lost some weight.Copy !req
117. His name is ButtersCopy !req
118. It's ButtersCopy !req
119. He used to be fat, but not no moreCopy !req
120. City Wok brought him down
to a size fourCopy !req
121. Now he's got lots of moneys and girlsCopy !req
122. And a lifetime of free food at City WokCopy !req
123. Wow.Copy !req
124. Christine, you know
I love you very muchCopy !req
125. and I can't wait for the wedding.Copy !req
126. I love you too, Jared.
You changed my whole life.Copy !req
127. Her name is Jonis, Christine JonisCopy !req
128. She lost 40 pounds
when she met Jared...Copy !req
129. I know, I know.Copy !req
130. But some young boys
were talking to me earlier,Copy !req
131. and they made me think
that people might not be so proudCopy !req
132. of my weight loss
if they knew something.Copy !req
133. Jared, what's this all about?Copy !req
134. Christine, this probably isn't
going to matter to you at all,Copy !req
135. but I have aides.Copy !req
136. - What?
- Yeah, I have aides.Copy !req
137. I've had aides
since before we were together.Copy !req
138. What? What are you thinking?
Are you bummed?Copy !req
139. Am I bummed?Copy !req
140. You've had AIDS all this time
and you knew it?Copy !req
141. Well, of course I knew it.Copy !req
142. Why the hell wouldn't you tell me?Copy !req
143. - I didn't think it was that big of a deal.
- Not that big of a deal?Copy !req
144. I slept with you!Copy !req
145. Aren't you overreacting a little bit?Copy !req
146. But, Jesus Christ,
we're supposed to get married.Copy !req
147. We can still get married, Christine!Copy !req
148. I mean, sure, they're my aides now,Copy !req
149. but after we get married,
they'll be our aides.Copy !req
150. You'll love having aides, Christine.
You really will.Copy !req
151. And when we have children,
they'll have aides.Copy !req
152. It'll make things so simple!Copy !req
153. Christine!Copy !req
154. Jeez, those boys were right.
People really don't like aides!Copy !req
155. I better tell everyone the truth!Copy !req
156. Hello there, children!Copy !req
157. Chef, we need Butters
to gain about 50 pounds, fast.Copy !req
158. Fifty pounds? Why?Copy !req
159. School project.Copy !req
160. Well, if you want him to
get really fat as fast as possible,Copy !req
161. one of you will have to marry him.Copy !req
162. Marry him?Copy !req
163. It definitely works
for every woman I ever met.Copy !req
164. Oh, no, no, no. I ain't getting married.
My parents will ground me.Copy !req
165. Yeah, none of us want to marry Butters!Copy !req
166. How come? What's wrong with me?Copy !req
167. Well, I guess we gotta
do this the old-fashioned way.Copy !req
168. Come on back, children.Copy !req
169. I can't eat no more.Copy !req
170. You have to.
Here, have some more mayonnaise.Copy !req
171. Chef, we need more food.Copy !req
172. I'm running out, children!Copy !req
173. Damn it, Butters!Copy !req
174. Keep eating or else I'll kick your ass till
you're deader than Kenny.Copy !req
175. Dude, that isn't cool. You shouldn't
joke about Kenny being dead.Copy !req
176. Enough time hasn't passed.Copy !req
177. - So how long until we can joke about it?
- 22.3 years.Copy !req
178. That's how long it takes
for something tragic to become funny.Copy !req
179. That's a long time to wait.Copy !req
180. I can't eat no more.Copy !req
181. I just keep puking it up.Copy !req
182. - Then eat your puke.
- No!Copy !req
183. Oh, come on. Japanese girls do it.Copy !req
184. Ladies and gentlemen,
we at Subway are happyCopy !req
185. to inform you that Jared
has elected to stay in South ParkCopy !req
186. in order to speak to you once again!Copy !req
187. He's going to speak to us once again!Copy !req
188. So here he is, Jared!Copy !req
189. He's still looking goodCopy !req
190. Eating them sandwiches all the timeCopy !req
191. Thank you. Thank you all.Copy !req
192. Subway is a healthy way
to eat fast food and lose weight.Copy !req
193. All right!Copy !req
194. But I feel like I need to come
a little clean about something.Copy !req
195. It wasn't just Subway
sandwiches that made me thin.Copy !req
196. The reason I was able
to lose so much weight so quickly,Copy !req
197. was that I got aides.Copy !req
198. - Huh?
- Did he say AIDS?Copy !req
199. But I still want to be the leader
in a thinner America,Copy !req
200. and so I'm here to tell you
that you should all go out and get aides!Copy !req
201. - Oh, my God.
- Is he serious?Copy !req
202. Having aides is awesome!Copy !req
203. With aides, you can literally
watch the fat melt away!Copy !req
204. And with a proper mix of aides
and Subway sandwiches,Copy !req
205. anything is possible!Copy !req
206. The opinions expressed by Mr. FogleCopy !req
207. are not necessarily those
of the Subway company.Copy !req
208. Wow. He looks great!Copy !req
209. - How do you feel, Butters?
- Well, kind of like Cartman.Copy !req
210. Get a hold of yourself, man.Copy !req
211. All right, now it's time for phase two.Copy !req
212. Welcome to City Wok.
You like to try our City chicken today?Copy !req
213. Sir, we have come to offer you
the business deal of a lifetime.Copy !req
214. You want the City beef?Copy !req
215. No, we want to show the world
how healthy your food is.Copy !req
216. Our fat friend here is going to lose
40 pounds eating at City Wok.Copy !req
217. Which one? I see two fat friend.Copy !req
218. The fat one.Copy !req
219. We're gonna take
before and after photos,Copy !req
220. and then when he gets skinny
from eating your food,Copy !req
221. we'll show the world.Copy !req
222. Why?Copy !req
223. Because then you can pay us
to use our friend in commercials.Copy !req
224. Oh, you mean like Jared.Copy !req
225. Just like Jared.Copy !req
226. His name is Jared
and he lose some weightCopy !req
227. City Wok food sure is greatCopy !req
228. Yeah, okay. That sound good.Copy !req
229. So if he lose weight eating City Wok,
I pay you to use him in commercial.Copy !req
230. - All right!
- All right!Copy !req
231. Sir, we are in business.Copy !req
232. Jared, first of all, we want to sayCopy !req
233. that all of us here at Subway appreciate
everything you've done for our company.Copy !req
234. Well, I appreciate your company
doing everything it's done for me.Copy !req
235. Yes, well, it is now
the opinion of all of usCopy !req
236. that perhaps it would be best
for you to takeCopy !req
237. your strange theories
on weight loss elsewhere.Copy !req
238. Excuse me?Copy !req
239. Am I being fired?Copy !req
240. Jared, it's just that
your new take on weight lossCopy !req
241. is contrary to our commitment
to good health.Copy !req
242. - How so?
- Well, your new slogan, for instance.Copy !req
243. "When it comes to fitness,
Subway goes hand in hand with aides."Copy !req
244. His name is JaredCopy !req
245. Jared lost weight eating Subway
Now he's cold and aloneCopy !req
246. No one place to call his homeCopy !req
247. He likes sandwiches
with Philadelphia cream cheeseCopy !req
248. Come on, Butters,
you gotta get skinny again.Copy !req
249. You are such a flabby hunk of crap!Copy !req
250. Look at those jelly rolls.
Jelly rolls, I tell you!Copy !req
251. You still got seven chins, boy!Copy !req
252. You'll never be thin! Nobody loves you!Copy !req
253. Well, hey, now. They do, too.Copy !req
254. And my mom and dad love me
even if I am fat.Copy !req
255. Butters, I'm just trying
to offer some motivational help here.Copy !req
256. - Oh, all right, then.
- Row, you fat bitch!Copy !req
257. Look at them jelly rolls!Copy !req
258. Nobody loves you!
You're not even a person!Copy !req
259. I never asked to be famous.
Now everyone hates me.Copy !req
260. I almost wish I had never gotten aides!Copy !req
261. Hey, now, come on.
What kind of talk is that?Copy !req
262. I'm sorry, guys, but I think
I want to be aides-free for a while.Copy !req
263. Come on, Jared, lighten up.
People don't hate you.Copy !req
264. Yeah, maybe they're all just jealousCopy !req
265. that they can't afford
to hire their own aides.Copy !req
266. Wait a minute.Copy !req
267. You're right! Yeah!Copy !req
268. I think I know
how to be a celebrity again!Copy !req
269. - Did you bring the camera?
- Yeah, we're all set!Copy !req
270. Guys, I think this might be
a good time to discuss some business.Copy !req
271. - What do you mean?
- Well, when City Wok seesCopy !req
272. how skinny Butters is,Copy !req
273. they're not gonna want him
to just make one commercial,Copy !req
274. - They're gonna want several.
- That's true.Copy !req
275. Jared did, like, a hundred
for Subway sandwiches.Copy !req
276. I think we're looking at a non-exclusive
two-year, fifty-picture deal here.Copy !req
277. My calculations put
that at about $4 million.Copy !req
278. Wow.Copy !req
279. Now, I think the $4 million should be
split evenly among the three of us.Copy !req
280. Except that I should get
a 20% pernegation feeCopy !req
281. off the gross for having
come up with the idea.Copy !req
282. - Hey, fellas.
- Butters! What the hell are you doing?Copy !req
283. Yeah! You're still fat!Copy !req
284. Oh, I know, I can't seem to lose it.Copy !req
285. But we're supposed
to shoot your commercialCopy !req
286. for City Wok today,
you fat piece of crap.Copy !req
287. Oh, I don't know what to tell you.Copy !req
288. Losing weight is harder
than putting it on.Copy !req
289. No, it isn't, stupid blubber butt.Copy !req
290. Did you eat only one ounce
of City Wok a day like we told you?Copy !req
291. Well, yeah, but... I don't know.Copy !req
292. Why are you doing this to us?Copy !req
293. All prepared for liposuction surgery?Copy !req
294. Check.Copy !req
295. I don't know about this, fellas.Copy !req
296. Hey, you're the one that screwed us
by not losing weight, Butters.Copy !req
297. Okay, it says here the operation begins
with a one-inch incision in the abdomenCopy !req
298. on the left side, just above the hip.Copy !req
299. That's about... That's right about here.Copy !req
300. Oh, stop your bitching, Butters!Copy !req
301. God, Kenny would have took it
like a man.Copy !req
302. Okay, now put one end of the tubeCopy !req
303. - A half an inch into the incision.
- All righty.Copy !req
304. I think this is a bad idea, fellas.Copy !req
305. - I feel woozy.
- All right, I think it's in.Copy !req
306. The liposuction is a process
of siphoning out the excess fat.Copy !req
307. - There it goes.
- All right! It's working!Copy !req
308. Man, it tastes like that, you know,Copy !req
309. that creamed chipped beef stuff
that Chef makes sometimes?Copy !req
310. Fellas, I don't feel very good.Copy !req
311. Shut up, Butters.
This is your own damn fault.Copy !req
312. Everything's getting dark.Copy !req
313. We gotta hurry this up.Copy !req
314. Oh, yeah, keep doing that.
That's working good.Copy !req
315. He's losing weight!Copy !req
316. It's out of control!Copy !req
317. Everything's getting sparkly.Copy !req
318. Oh, no, dude!
Butters' parents are home!Copy !req
319. - Oh, crap.
- Dude, bail.Copy !req
320. Butters? Butters?Copy !req
321. - Mom, Dad.
- Butters.Copy !req
322. Are you having liposuction surgery?
Tell me the truth!Copy !req
323. - Yes, sir.
- This is unbelievable!Copy !req
324. How many times have we told youCopy !req
325. never to have self-performed
liposuction surgery in our house?Copy !req
326. Four times, Mom.Copy !req
327. Well, I guess that wasn't enough.Copy !req
328. You get up to your room
right now, mister!Copy !req
329. Yes, sir.Copy !req
330. Don't you give us that look, young man.
You're gonna get it.Copy !req
331. Tom, I'm standing out
front of the mayor's office,Copy !req
332. where the big liar, Jared,
is once again about to speak.Copy !req
333. Apparently, Jared hopes to regain
his celebrity-hero status,Copy !req
334. which was lost when he
announced that it was AIDS,Copy !req
335. not sub sandwiches,
that caused him to lose weight.Copy !req
336. Let's listen in.Copy !req
337. Ladies and gentlemen,
at first I didn't understandCopy !req
338. why you felt betrayed by the fact
that my aides helped me to lose weight.Copy !req
339. But now I understand
that it's because it isn't fairCopy !req
340. that I had aides and most of you don't.Copy !req
341. And so with all the money
I made from commercials,Copy !req
342. I have decided to start
the Aides For Everyone Foundation!Copy !req
343. What?Copy !req
344. I am going to personally see to itCopy !req
345. that each and every one
of you gets aides.Copy !req
346. This guy's insane!Copy !req
347. But I won't stop there!Copy !req
348. I'm going to seek out
all the underprivilegedCopy !req
349. and hungry children of the world,Copy !req
350. and I'm going to give
them aides myself!Copy !req
351. You're gonna give children AIDS?Copy !req
352. Yes, it is my hope
that every beautiful childCopy !req
353. on this Earth has aides by next month!Copy !req
354. Aides for everyone!Copy !req
355. Get him!Copy !req
356. - Come on, Butters, time to go.
- Go where?Copy !req
357. To City Wok, so we
can make our money! God!Copy !req
358. I can't go anywhere, fellas.Copy !req
359. I've been grounded
for having liposuction surgery.Copy !req
360. - What?
- Well, I told youCopy !req
361. my parents would be sore,Copy !req
362. and they said,
for having liposuction surgery,Copy !req
363. I can't play outside for five days.Copy !req
364. Dude, we just need you
to come down to City Wok real quickCopy !req
365. so they can see how skinny you are.Copy !req
366. You guys have already gotten
me in Dutch for getting fat,Copy !req
367. and then I got in double Dutch
for having liposuction,Copy !req
368. and now you're asking me
to be in triple Dutch?Copy !req
369. I'll never be that Dutch.Copy !req
370. - Kenny would have done it.
- Yeah.Copy !req
371. You guys remember
what a cool friend Kenny was?Copy !req
372. God, he was always up
for helping us out.Copy !req
373. Man, he was the best friend ever.Copy !req
374. Look, fellas, I can't do it!Copy !req
375. My mom and dad call in every hour
from work to make sure I'm here.Copy !req
376. If I don't answer the phone,
then they'll know I'm up to no good.Copy !req
377. All right, all right. I'll stay here
and answer the phone for you.Copy !req
378. But you don't sound like me.Copy !req
379. My name is Butters and I'm a little pussy
who won't help his friends make money.Copy !req
380. Wow, that was pretty good.Copy !req
381. All right, it's settled! Come on, Butters!Copy !req
382. Don't forget, a third
of that $4 million is mine.Copy !req
383. Hello?Copy !req
384. I'm just checking in on you, Butters.Copy !req
385. Hey, do I hear the television?Copy !req
386. We told you no television
while you're grounded.Copy !req
387. Oh, gee whiz, I'm not
watching television, Dad,Copy !req
388. I'm just laying around jacking it.Copy !req
389. Jacking it? Jacking what?Copy !req
390. Well, my hot, spicy boner,
of course, Dad.Copy !req
391. What?Copy !req
392. Are you trying to get yourself
in more troubleCopy !req
393. with that kind of language?Copy !req
394. Loosen up, you bloody vaginal belch.Copy !req
395. Oh, you are gonna get it, mister!
You just wait till I get home!Copy !req
396. Bring it on, queerbait.Copy !req
397. Yes.Copy !req
398. I tell my girlfriend
I have aides and she leaves!Copy !req
399. I tell the world to get aides
and they think I'm crazy!Copy !req
400. I offer to give aides to kids
and everyone wants me dead!Copy !req
401. What's wrong with aides?Copy !req
402. Why doesn't anyone
want me to give them aides?Copy !req
403. There he is beating that dead horse!Copy !req
404. Welcome to City Wok.
I take order, please?Copy !req
405. We have great news!Copy !req
406. Our friend lost 40 pounds
eating your City Wok food!Copy !req
407. Here's the before and after photos!Copy !req
408. - He lose weight eating City Wok?
- That's right!Copy !req
409. So now you can pay us
to use him in your commercials,Copy !req
410. and you'll have your very own Jared!Copy !req
411. Oh, no. No way.Copy !req
412. I'm not putting no Jared
in my City Wok commercial.Copy !req
413. - Why not?
- Don't you know?Copy !req
414. Everybody hate Jared!Copy !req
415. He want everyone
in world to have AIDS.Copy !req
416. - He sick in the head.
- What?Copy !req
417. I no want City Wok have nothing
to do with Jared and his AIDS!Copy !req
418. Wait, everyone hates Jared now?Copy !req
419. Yeah, they gonna kill him.Copy !req
420. They gonna kill Jared
downtown right now.Copy !req
421. Come on, guys. We gotta sort this out.Copy !req
422. Here's some anthrax for you!Copy !req
423. Oh, Phillip, your anthrax
has given me colon cancer!Copy !req
424. Your anthrax has
given me colon cancer!Copy !req
425. Hello.Copy !req
426. Butters, your father called
and said you made him very upset!Copy !req
427. Yeah, well, Dad's
being a little pussy, Mom.Copy !req
428. Butters! Where did you get
that kind of smart mouth?Copy !req
429. Oh, not from you dumb asses,
that's for sure.Copy !req
430. Oh. You just wait till I get home, mister!Copy !req
431. I'll be waiting with bells on,
you old, horse-banging skank.Copy !req
432. Hey! That's some anthrax over there!Copy !req
433. Why did I ever do
those stupid commercials?Copy !req
434. All right, Jared, you sick pervert!Copy !req
435. Do you have anything
to say before you die?Copy !req
436. Wait!Copy !req
437. You're all making a mistake!Copy !req
438. Stay back, children.
Jared wants to give you AIDS.Copy !req
439. No, you don't understand.Copy !req
440. Jared doesn't have AIDS, AIDS.Copy !req
441. He has assistants.Copy !req
442. Two guys that help him lose weight
that he calls his aides.Copy !req
443. You mean,Copy !req
444. Jared's aides are like my aides?Copy !req
445. Yes!Copy !req
446. You mean, you all thought...Copy !req
447. Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
448. Oh, boy, do I feel stupid.Copy !req
449. Oh, we're so sorry, Jared!Copy !req
450. No, no. It was my fault.Copy !req
451. I can't believe...
I didn't even think of what I was saying.Copy !req
452. So he was saying children
should have help like he had.Copy !req
453. Yeah!Copy !req
454. This has got to be about
the biggest misunderstanding ever!Copy !req
455. Oh, my God!Copy !req
456. I told my girlfriend I wanted her
to share my aides!Copy !req
457. Oh, no wonder she left!Copy !req
458. Can you imagine
what we thought when you said,Copy !req
459. "AIDS for Everyone Foundation"?Copy !req
460. Oh, brother!Copy !req
461. Hey. We're all laughing.Copy !req
462. Hey, yeah.Copy !req
463. We would have never laughed
about this before.Copy !req
464. Well, don't you see what this means?Copy !req
465. It's been 22.3 years,Copy !req
466. so AIDS is finally funny!Copy !req
467. He's right!Copy !req
468. - It's happened!
- Hey, everybody,Copy !req
469. AIDS is finally funny!Copy !req
470. All right!Copy !req
471. Hurray!Copy !req
472. I knew it would be funny one day!Copy !req
473. AIDS!Copy !req
474. Then, it's time!
We can undo the banner!Copy !req
475. Tom, I'm standing in the town square,
where just moments ago,Copy !req
476. it was declared that AIDS
can finally be joked about.Copy !req
477. What a great day for humanity.Copy !req
478. AIDS quilt!Copy !req
479. Oh, boy. This is fantastic!Copy !req
480. I'm so glad AIDS is funny now.Copy !req
481. Okay, so now do you want to use
our friend in your commercials?Copy !req
482. Sure, okay! I pay you $15!Copy !req
483. Fifteen dollars?Copy !req
484. But Jared got millions!Copy !req
485. Hey, I'm not a Subway, I City Wok.Copy !req
486. City Wok don't have million dollar.Copy !req
487. Oh, God damn it!Copy !req
488. - Just forget the whole thing then!
- Okay.Copy !req
489. Hey, you kids know
why chicken cross the road?Copy !req
490. - Why?
- 'Cause it had AIDS.Copy !req
491. AIDS so funny.Copy !req
492. Well, so much for our money.Copy !req
493. Yeah, but, you know,
I've learned something today.Copy !req
494. It would have been wrong for us
to exploit Butters' weight lossCopy !req
495. because then lots of fat people
would have believed itCopy !req
496. and then gone
and eaten a ton of Chinese foodCopy !req
497. instead of dieting properly.Copy !req
498. They'd still be fat,
and we'd be responsibleCopy !req
499. for their shattered dreams.Copy !req
500. Yeah, I don't like shattering
fat people's dreams.Copy !req
501. Besides, I'd get grounded.Copy !req
502. Oh, Jesus,
I'm supposed to be grounded!Copy !req
503. There you are, Butters.Copy !req
504. Are my mom and dad back home yet?Copy !req
505. No, but they're due home any minute.
Come on, you're just in time.Copy !req
506. Oh, boy!Copy !req
507. Mom and Dad didn't find out
I left the house, did they?Copy !req
508. No, I totally covered for you.Copy !req
509. They completely believed
I was you on the phone.Copy !req
510. Oh, goodie!Copy !req
511. Here you go.
I drew some pictures with crayonsCopy !req
512. so it looked like you were here all day,Copy !req
513. and I ate a little food
so it looks like you ate,Copy !req
514. - And I fed your cat.
- Perfect!Copy !req
515. All right, I better get out of here
before they get back.Copy !req
516. Hey, Eric.Copy !req
517. Well, thanks for covering for me.
You're a real pal.Copy !req
518. Butters, it was my pleasure.Copy !req
519. Hi, Mom and Dad!Copy !req
520. Don't you "Hi, Mom and Dad" us,
you little punk!Copy !req
521. - Dad!
- You don't even knowCopy !req
522. the trouble you're in, mister!Copy !req
523. What'd I do? What'd I do?Copy !req
524. Do you think you're tough now?
Answer me!Copy !req
525. Oh, man, if I was older
I would totally start jacking off right now.Copy !req