1. I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time.Copy !req
2. Friendly faces everywhere.Copy !req
3. Humble folks
without temptation.Copy !req
4. Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind.Copy !req
5. Ample parking day or night.Copy !req
6. People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!"Copy !req
7. Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind.Copy !req
8. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.Copy !req
9. Timmy, Timmy,
liv-a-la, Timmy!Copy !req
10. Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine.Copy !req
11. Shut up, you guys.
Shut up, you guys.Copy !req
12. Hello, Chitty Wok.Copy !req
13. Take order, please.Copy !req
14. Hello, is this City Wok?Copy !req
15. Yes, this Chitty Wok.Copy !req
16. Yes, we'd like one
order of the city beef.Copy !req
17. Chitty beef.Copy !req
18. And I'll have the city chicken.Copy !req
19. Chitty chicken.Copy !req
20. Oh, dude, look.Copy !req
21. It's that commercial with
the guy that lost 400 poundsCopy !req
22. eating at Subway sandwiches.Copy !req
23. He's still looking good.Copy !req
24. His name is Jared.Copy !req
25. His name is Jared.Copy !req
26. And he likes to eat
the sandwiches.Copy !req
27. Hey, fellas.Copy !req
28. Hey, Kenny.Copy !req
29. Now, gosh darn it,
my name's not Kenny.Copy !req
30. Kenny's dead,Copy !req
31. and you're all gonna have to
learn to deal with that.Copy !req
32. Okay, not-Kenny.Copy !req
33. Hey, South Park!Copy !req
34. You can meet Jared in person,
March 6th,Copy !req
35. at the Kenny McCormick
Memorial Town Square.Copy !req
36. Oh, boy!
Jared's coming to town!Copy !req
37. Dude, that's today!Copy !req
38. We got to get down there.
Come on, not-Kenny.Copy !req
39. Now, gosh darn it,
my name's not not-Kenny.Copy !req
40. Okay.
Come on, not not-Kenny.Copy !req
41. Oh, I-I'm getting steamed now!Copy !req
42. Hello? Chitty Wok!Copy !req
43. Chitty Wok!
Take order, please!Copy !req
44. Excuse me.
Can we get through here?Copy !req
45. Hell, no! I've been saving
this spot for six hours.Copy !req
46. His name is Garrison,
Mr. Garrison.Copy !req
47. He lost 10 pounds
taking Jared's lead.Copy !req
48. Here he comes!Copy !req
49. He's still looking good.Copy !req
50. With all those s-sandwiches.Copy !req
51. Thank you all so much.Copy !req
52. You know, after a year of eating
delicious sub sandwiches,Copy !req
53. I've proven weight loss is easy!Copy !req
54. And I promise you I will
always be your faithful leaderCopy !req
55. in easy weight loss.Copy !req
56. - All right!
- Yeah!Copy !req
57. That guy ate all the sandwiches
he wanted and lost weight.Copy !req
58. He is so cool.Copy !req
59. Mr. Fogle?Copy !req
60. Some fans wanted to see
if you'd sign their sandwich.Copy !req
61. Sure.
Let them in.Copy !req
62. Hi, kids.Copy !req
63. It's Jared.Copy !req
64. Dude, did you really lose
all that weightCopy !req
65. eating nothing
but sub sandwiches?Copy !req
66. I sure did.Copy !req
67. And... W-Well, I-I also had
a little help on the side.Copy !req
68. What kind of help?Copy !req
69. Well, eating sub sandwiches
was a big part of it.Copy !req
70. But the way that I lost
so much weightCopy !req
71. was that I got aides.Copy !req
72. - A-AIDS?
- That's right.Copy !req
73. I got aides about two years ago,Copy !req
74. and I've been losing weight
ever since.Copy !req
75. It's amazing how slim
you can get with aides.Copy !req
76. - I'll bet you can.
- Would you like to meet them?Copy !req
77. - Them?
- My aides.Copy !req
78. Scott!
Tyler!Copy !req
79. Scott is my personal trainer,
and Tyler is my dietitian.Copy !req
80. Hello!Copy !req
81. A-I-D-E-S aides.Copy !req
82. Yeah.
Hooray for aides!Copy !req
83. That's not really what you say
in the commercial.Copy !req
84. I know. You kind of have to read
the fine print at the bottom.Copy !req
85. It says I only ate
a half-size lean turkey sandwichCopy !req
86. with no mustard or mayo
or anything like thatCopy !req
87. and then had proper diet
and exercise aides.Copy !req
88. But you're lying to people.Copy !req
89. If they knew you didn't just eat
all the sandwiches you want,Copy !req
90. you might not be so popular.Copy !req
91. Y-You think so?
Well, why should it matter?Copy !req
92. It matters, dude.Copy !req
93. That penis butt didn't lose
weight eating sub sandwiches.Copy !req
94. He lost weight because he ate
less of them and exercised.Copy !req
95. It's only in America
somebody can become famousCopy !req
96. because they go from being
a big fat assCopy !req
97. to not being a big fat ass.Copy !req
98. Oh, my God, you guys.Copy !req
99. I think I'm having
a genius moment.Copy !req
100. Yes.
Yes!Copy !req
101. It's coming to me now.Copy !req
102. That... That's diarrhea.Copy !req
103. No. Don't you see
what this all means?Copy !req
104. Anybody could do what he did.Copy !req
105. What's to stop someone else
from going to say, City Wok,Copy !req
106. and cutting a deal with them...Copy !req
107. Say they'll eat nothing
but their Chinese food,Copy !req
108. but then eat only a little
tiny bit of it and exercise?Copy !req
109. Then City Wok could say their
food makes you lose weight.Copy !req
110. That's right, Stan.
It's a cash cow, I tell you.Copy !req
111. That's a great idea!Copy !req
112. Lose weight and make money.Copy !req
113. I tell you, this is
gonna be the greatest thingCopy !req
114. that Butters has ever done.Copy !req
115. Me?Copy !req
116. Who do you think I'm talking
about, Butters... Joyce Dewitt?Copy !req
117. Oh, no. I thought you meant you.
Y-You're the fat one.Copy !req
118. I can't lose weight, Butters,
because I'm not fat.Copy !req
119. I'm big-boned.Copy !req
120. You can't slim down bones,
stupid.Copy !req
121. But Butters isn't fat.Copy !req
122. That's my whole point.Copy !req
123. First we fatten him up.Copy !req
124. Then we make the deal
with City Wok.Copy !req
125. - Then take the weight back off.
- He's right.Copy !req
126. If Butters is naturally skinny,Copy !req
127. he'll be able
to take the weight off faster.Copy !req
128. But, fellas, if I get fat,
my parents will ground me.Copy !req
129. Oh, come on! Just think about
how famous you'll be.Copy !req
130. You mean like Jared?Copy !req
131. Yeah, dude!
You'll be just like Jared!Copy !req
132. Well, the heck with that!
You said Jared was a "penis butt".Copy !req
133. You wouldn't be a penis butt.
You'd be famous.Copy !req
134. Just think about all those
people following you around,Copy !req
135. singing songs to you just
'cause you lost some weight.Copy !req
136. His name is Butters.Copy !req
137. It's Butters.Copy !req
138. Used to be fat
but not no more.Copy !req
139. City Wok brought him
down to a size 4.Copy !req
140. Now he's got lots of moneys
and girls.Copy !req
141. And a lifetime
of free food at City Wok.Copy !req
142. Christine, you know I love you
very much,Copy !req
143. and I-I can't wait
for the wedding.Copy !req
144. I love you, too, Jared.
You changed my whole life.Copy !req
145. Her name is Jonas,
Christine Jonas.Copy !req
146. She lost 40 pounds
when she met Jared and...Copy !req
147. I-I know, I know.Copy !req
148. But, uh, some young boys
were talking to me earlier,Copy !req
149. and they made me thinkCopy !req
150. that people might not be
so proud of my weight lossCopy !req
151. if they knew something.Copy !req
152. Jared, what's this all about?Copy !req
153. Christine, this probably isn't
gonna matter to you at all,Copy !req
154. but... I have aides.Copy !req
155. What?Copy !req
156. Yeah, I have aides.Copy !req
157. I've had aides since
before we were together.Copy !req
158. What... What are you thinking?
Are you bummed?Copy !req
159. Am I bummed?Copy !req
160. You've had AIDS all this time,
and you knew it?Copy !req
161. Well, of course I knew it.Copy !req
162. Why the hell
wouldn't you tell me?Copy !req
163. I didn't think it was
that big of a deal.Copy !req
164. Not that big of a deal?
I slept with you!Copy !req
165. Aren't you overreacting
a little bit?Copy !req
166. But Jesus Christ!
We're supposed to get married!Copy !req
167. We can still get married,
Christine.Copy !req
168. Sure, they're my aides now,Copy !req
169. but after we get married,
they'll be our aides.Copy !req
170. You'll love having aides,
Christine, you really will.Copy !req
171. And when we have children,
they'll have aides.Copy !req
172. It'll make things so simple.Copy !req
173. Christine!Copy !req
174. Geez. Those boys were right.
People really don't like aides.Copy !req
175. I'd better tell everyone
the truth.Copy !req
176. Hello, there, children.Copy !req
177. Chef, we need Butters
to gain about 50 pounds, fast.Copy !req
178. Fifty pounds?
Why?Copy !req
179. Uh, school project.Copy !req
180. Well, if you want him to get
really fat as fast as possible,Copy !req
181. one of you
will have to marry him.Copy !req
182. Marry him?Copy !req
183. It definitely worked
for every woman I ever met.Copy !req
184. Oh, no, no, no!
I ain't getting married.Copy !req
185. My parents will ground me.Copy !req
186. Yeah. None of us
want to marry Butters.Copy !req
187. Well, how come?
What's wrong with me?Copy !req
188. I guess we're gonna do this
the old-fashioned way.Copy !req
189. Come on back, children.Copy !req
190. I can't eat no more.Copy !req
191. You have to.
Here. Have some more mayonnaise.Copy !req
192. Chef, we need more food.Copy !req
193. I'm running out, children.Copy !req
194. Damn it, Butters, keep eating,Copy !req
195. or else I'll kick your ass
till you're deader than Kenny!Copy !req
196. Dude, that isn't cool.Copy !req
197. You shouldn't joke
about Kenny being dead.Copy !req
198. Enough time hasn't passed.Copy !req
199. So how long until
we can joke about it?Copy !req
200. 22.3 years.Copy !req
201. That's how long it takes
for something tragicCopy !req
202. to become funny.Copy !req
203. That's a long time to wait.Copy !req
204. I can't eat no more.Copy !req
205. I-I just keep puking it up.Copy !req
206. - Then eat your puke.
- No!Copy !req
207. Oh, come on.
Japanese girls do it.Copy !req
208. Ladies and gentlemen, we at
Subway are happy to inform youCopy !req
209. that Jared has elected to stay
in South ParkCopy !req
210. in order to speak to you
once again!Copy !req
211. He's going to speak to us
once again!Copy !req
212. So here he is... Jared!Copy !req
213. He's still looking good.Copy !req
214. Eating them sandwiches
all the time.Copy !req
215. Thank you.
Thank you all.Copy !req
216. Subway is a healthy way to eat
fast food and lose weight!Copy !req
217. All right!Copy !req
218. But I feel like I need
to come a little cleanCopy !req
219. about something.Copy !req
220. It wasn't just Subway sandwiches
that made me thin.Copy !req
221. The reason I was able to lose
so much weight so quicklyCopy !req
222. was that I got aides.Copy !req
223. - Huh?
- Did he say "AIDS"?Copy !req
224. But I still want to be the
leader in a thinner America,Copy !req
225. and so I'm here to tell youCopy !req
226. that you should all go out
and get aides!Copy !req
227. - Oh, my God.
- Is he serious?Copy !req
228. Having aides is awesome!Copy !req
229. With aides, you can literally
watch the fat melt away.Copy !req
230. And with the proper mix of aides
and Subway sandwiches,Copy !req
231. anything is possible.Copy !req
232. Uh, the opinions expressed
by Mr. FogleCopy !req
233. are not necessarily those
of the Subway company.Copy !req
234. He looks great!Copy !req
235. How do you feel, Butters?Copy !req
236. Well, k-kind of like Cartman.Copy !req
237. - Aah!
- Get ahold of yourself, man.Copy !req
238. All right.
Now it's time for phase two.Copy !req
239. Welcome to Chitty Wok.Copy !req
240. You like to try
chitty chicken today?Copy !req
241. Sir, we have come to offer you
the business deal of a lifetime.Copy !req
242. You want the chitty beef?Copy !req
243. No. We want to show the world
how healthy your food is.Copy !req
244. Our fat friend here
is going to lose 40 poundsCopy !req
245. eating at Chitty Wok.Copy !req
246. Which one?
I see two fat friend.Copy !req
247. The fat one.Copy !req
248. We're gonna take
before-and-after photos,Copy !req
249. and when he gets skinny
from eating your food,Copy !req
250. we'll show the world.Copy !req
251. Why?Copy !req
252. Because then you can pay us to
use our friend in commercials.Copy !req
253. Oh, you mean like Jared?Copy !req
254. Just like Jared.Copy !req
255. His name is Jared,
he lose some weight.Copy !req
256. Chitty Wok food
sure is great.Copy !req
257. Yeah. Okay.
That sound good.Copy !req
258. So, if he lose weight
eating Chitty Wok,Copy !req
259. I pay you to use him
in commercial.Copy !req
260. All right!Copy !req
261. Sir, we are in business.Copy !req
262. Jared, first of all,Copy !req
263. we want to say
that all of us here at SubwayCopy !req
264. appreciate everything
you've done for our company.Copy !req
265. Well, I appreciate your companyCopy !req
266. doing everything it's done
for m e.Copy !req
267. Yes, well, it is now
the opinion of all of usCopy !req
268. that perhaps it would be best
for you to take your...Copy !req
269. strange theories on weight loss
elsewhere.Copy !req
270. Excuse me...Copy !req
271. am I being fired?Copy !req
272. Jared, it's just that
your new take on weight lossCopy !req
273. is contrary to our commitment
to good health.Copy !req
274. How so?Copy !req
275. Well, your new slogan,
for instance.Copy !req
276. "When it comes to fitness,Copy !req
277. Subway goes hand in hand
with AIDS."Copy !req
278. Name is Jared.Copy !req
279. He's Jared,
lost weight eating Subway.Copy !req
280. Now he's cold and alone.Copy !req
281. No one to...
Place to call his home.Copy !req
282. He likes sandwiches
with PhiladelphiaCopy !req
283. cream cheese.Copy !req
284. Come on, Butters!
You got to get skinny again!Copy !req
285. You are such a flabby hunk
of crap!Copy !req
286. Look at those jelly rolls!
Jelly rolls, I tell ya!Copy !req
287. You still got seven chins, boy!Copy !req
288. You'll never be thin!
Nobody loves you!Copy !req
289. Hey, now.
They do, too.Copy !req
290. My mom and dad love me
even if I am fat.Copy !req
291. Butters, I'm just trying to
offer some motivational help.Copy !req
292. - All right, then.
- Row, you fat bitch!Copy !req
293. Look at them jelly rolls!
Nobody loves you!Copy !req
294. You're not even a person!Copy !req
295. I never asked to be famous.
Now everyone hates me!Copy !req
296. I almost wish
I had never gotten aides!Copy !req
297. Hey. Now, come on.
What kind of talk is that?Copy !req
298. I'm sorry, guys, but I...Copy !req
299. I think I want to be aides-free
for a while.Copy !req
300. Come on, Jared. Lighten up.
People don't hate you.Copy !req
301. Maybe they're all just jealousCopy !req
302. that they can't afford to hire
their own aides.Copy !req
303. Wait a minute.
You're right!Copy !req
304. Yeah!Copy !req
305. I think I know
how to be a celebrity again!Copy !req
306. - Did you bring the camera?
- Yeah. We're all set.Copy !req
307. Guys, I think this might be
a good timeCopy !req
308. - to discuss some business.
- What do you mean?Copy !req
309. Well, when City Wok sees
how skinny Butters is,Copy !req
310. they're not gonna want him
to just make one commercial.Copy !req
311. - They're gonna want several.
- That's true.Copy !req
312. Jared did like a hundred
for Subway sandwiches.Copy !req
313. I think we're looking at
a nonexclusive,Copy !req
314. two-year, 50-picture deal here.Copy !req
315. My calculations put that
at about $4 million.Copy !req
316. I think the $4 million
should be split evenlyCopy !req
317. among the three of us,Copy !req
318. except that I should get a 20%
per negation fee off the grossCopy !req
319. for having come up with
the idea.Copy !req
320. Butters, what the hell
are you doing?Copy !req
321. Yeah!
You're still fat!Copy !req
322. I know.
I-I can't seem to lose it.Copy !req
323. But we're supposed to shoot your
commercial for City Wok today,Copy !req
324. you fat piece of crap!Copy !req
325. I don't know what to tell you.Copy !req
326. Losing weight is harder
than putting it on.Copy !req
327. No, it isn't,
stupid blubber butt!Copy !req
328. Did you eat only one ounce of
City Wok a day like we told you?Copy !req
329. Well, yeah,
but I-I don't know.Copy !req
330. Why are you doing this to us?Copy !req
331. All prepared
for liposuction surgery?Copy !req
332. Check.Copy !req
333. I don't know about this, fellas.Copy !req
334. You're the one that screwed us
by not losing weight, Butters.Copy !req
335. It says here,
"The operation beginsCopy !req
336. with a one-inch incision
in the abdomenCopy !req
337. on the left side,
just above the hip."Copy !req
338. Ah, so that's
right about, uh, here.Copy !req
339. - Oh!
- Stop your bitching, Butters!Copy !req
340. God! Kenny would've took it
like a man!Copy !req
341. Now put one end of the tubeCopy !req
342. a half an inch
into the incision.Copy !req
343. All righty.Copy !req
344. Whoa. I think this is
a bad idea, fellas.Copy !req
345. I feel woozy.Copy !req
346. I think it's in.Copy !req
347. "The liposuction is a processCopy !req
348. of siphoning out
the excess fat."Copy !req
349. - There it goes.
- All right. It's working!Copy !req
350. Oh, man,
it tastes like that, um...Copy !req
351. You know that creamed chipped-
beef stuff Chef makes sometimes?Copy !req
352. Uh, fellas,
I don't feel very good.Copy !req
353. Shut up, Butters.
This is your own damn fault.Copy !req
354. - Everything's getting dark.
- We got to hurry this up.Copy !req
355. Oh, yeah. Keep doing that.
That's working good.Copy !req
356. - He's losing weight!
- Oh! Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
357. It's out of control!Copy !req
358. Everything's getting sparkly.Copy !req
359. Oh, no, dude.
Butters' parents are home.Copy !req
360. - Oh, crap!
- Dude, bail.Copy !req
361. Butters?
Butters?Copy !req
362. Mom, Dad.Copy !req
363. Butters, are you having
liposuction surgery?Copy !req
364. Tell me the truth.Copy !req
365. Yes, sir.Copy !req
366. This is unbelievable!Copy !req
367. How many times have we told you
never to haveCopy !req
368. self-performed liposuction
surgery in our house?Copy !req
369. Four times, Mom.Copy !req
370. Well, I guess
that wasn't enough.Copy !req
371. You get up to your room
right now, mister.Copy !req
372. Yes, sir.Copy !req
373. Oh, don't you give us
that look, young man.Copy !req
374. You're gonna get it!Copy !req
375. Tom, I'm standing
out front of the mayor's office,Copy !req
376. where the big liar Jared
is once again about to speak.Copy !req
377. Apparently, Jared hopes to
regain his celebrity-hero statusCopy !req
378. which was lost when he announced
that it was AIDS,Copy !req
379. not sub sandwiches,
that caused him to lose weight.Copy !req
380. Let's listen in.Copy !req
381. Ladies and gentlemen,
a-at first I didn't understandCopy !req
382. why you felt betrayedCopy !req
383. by the fact that my aides
helped me to lose weight.Copy !req
384. But now I understand
that it's because it isn't fairCopy !req
385. that I had aides
and most of you don't.Copy !req
386. And so with all the money
I made from commercials,Copy !req
387. I have decided to startCopy !req
388. the Aides for Everyone
Foundation!Copy !req
389. What?Copy !req
390. I am going to personally
see to itCopy !req
391. that each and every one of you
gets aides.Copy !req
392. This guy's insane.Copy !req
393. But I won't stop there.Copy !req
394. I'm gonna seek out
all the underprivilegedCopy !req
395. and hungry children
of the world,Copy !req
396. and I'm going to give them aides
myself!Copy !req
397. You're gonna give children AIDS?Copy !req
398. Yes, it is my hope that every
beautiful child on this earthCopy !req
399. has aides by next month.Copy !req
400. Aides for everyone!Copy !req
401. Get him!Copy !req
402. - Come on, Butters. Time to go.
- Go where?Copy !req
403. To City Wok
so we can make our money.Copy !req
404. - God!
- I can't go anywhere, fellas.Copy !req
405. I've been grounded for having
liposuction surgery.Copy !req
406. What?Copy !req
407. I told you my parents
would be sore.Copy !req
408. And they said, for having
liposuction surgery,Copy !req
409. I can't play outside
for five days.Copy !req
410. We just need you to come down
to City Wok real quickCopy !req
411. so they can see
how skinny you are.Copy !req
412. You guys have already gotten me
in Dutch for getting fat,Copy !req
413. and then I got in double Dutch
for having liposuction.Copy !req
414. And now you're asking me to be
in triple Dutch?Copy !req
415. Hunh-unh.
I'll never be that Dutch.Copy !req
416. Kenny would've done it.Copy !req
417. Yep.Copy !req
418. You guys remember
what a cool friend Kenny was?Copy !req
419. He was always up
for helping us out.Copy !req
420. Man, he was the best friend
ever.Copy !req
421. Look, fellas, I can't do it!Copy !req
422. My mom and dad call in
every hour from workCopy !req
423. to make sure I'm here.Copy !req
424. If I don't answer the phone,
they'll know I'm up to no good.Copy !req
425. All right. I'll stay here
and answer the phone for you.Copy !req
426. B-But you don't sound like me.Copy !req
427. But you don't sound like me.Copy !req
428. My name is Butters,
and I'm a little pussyCopy !req
429. who won't help his friends
make money.Copy !req
430. That was pretty good.Copy !req
431. All right. It's settled.
Come on, Butters.Copy !req
432. Don't forget, a third
of that $4 million is mine.Copy !req
433. Uh, hello?Copy !req
434. I'm just checking in on you,
Butters.Copy !req
435. He...
Do I hear the television?Copy !req
436. We told you no television
while you're grounded.Copy !req
437. Oh, gee whiz. I'm not
w-watching television, Dad.Copy !req
438. I'm just laying around
jackin' it.Copy !req
439. Jacking it?
Jacking what?Copy !req
440. Well, my hot, spicy boner,
of course, Dad.Copy !req
441. What? Are you trying to get in
more trouble with that language?Copy !req
442. Aw, loosen up,
you bloody vaginal belch.Copy !req
443. You are gonna get it, mister!Copy !req
444. You just wait till I get home!Copy !req
445. Bring it on, queer bait.Copy !req
446. Ahh. Yes.Copy !req
447. I tell my girlfriend
I have aides, and she leaves!Copy !req
448. I tell the world to get aides,
and they think I'm crazy!Copy !req
449. I offer to give aides to kids,
and everyone wants me dead!Copy !req
450. What's wrong with aides?Copy !req
451. Why doesn't anyone want me
to give them aides?Copy !req
452. There he is,
beating that dead horse!Copy !req
453. Get him!Copy !req
454. Welcome to Chitty Wok.
Take order, please.Copy !req
455. We have great news!Copy !req
456. Our friend lost 40 pounds
eating your City Wok food.Copy !req
457. Here's the before-and-after
photos.Copy !req
458. He lose weight
eating Chitty Wok?Copy !req
459. That's right, so you can pay us
to use him in your commercials,Copy !req
460. and you'll have
your very own Jared.Copy !req
461. Oh, no.
No way.Copy !req
462. I not putting no Jared
in my Chitty Wok commercial.Copy !req
463. - Why not?
- Don't you know?Copy !req
464. Everybody hate Jared.Copy !req
465. He want everyone in world
to have AIDS.Copy !req
466. - He sick in the head.
- What?Copy !req
467. I no want Chitty Wok
have nothing to doCopy !req
468. with Jared and his AIDS.Copy !req
469. Wait.
Everyone hates Jared now?Copy !req
470. Yeah.
They... They gonna kill him.Copy !req
471. They're gonna kill Jared
downtown right now.Copy !req
472. Oh, come on, guys.
We got to sort this out.Copy !req
473. Here's some anthrax for ya.Copy !req
474. Oh, no!Copy !req
475. Phillip, your anthrax
has given me colon cancer!Copy !req
476. Your anthrax
has given m e colon cancer!Copy !req
477. Hello.Copy !req
478. Butters, your father called and
said you made him very upset.Copy !req
479. Yeah. Well, Dad's being
a little pussy, Mom.Copy !req
480. Butters! Where did you get
that kind of smart mouth?Copy !req
481. Not from you dumb-asses.
That's for sure.Copy !req
482. Oh! You just wait
till I get home, mister!Copy !req
483. I'll be waiting with bells on,
you old horse-bangin' skank.Copy !req
484. Hey!
That's some anthrax over there!Copy !req
485. Why did I ever do
those stupid commercials?Copy !req
486. All right, Jared,
you sick pervert.Copy !req
487. Do you have anything to say
before you die?Copy !req
488. Wait!
You're all making a mistake!Copy !req
489. Stay back, children!
Jared wants to give you AIDS!Copy !req
490. No! You don't understand.
Jared doesn't have AIDS AIDS.Copy !req
491. He has assistants... two guysCopy !req
492. that help him lose weight
that he calls his "aides."Copy !req
493. You mean Jared's aides
are like my aides?Copy !req
494. Yes!Copy !req
495. Y-You mean you all thought...Copy !req
496. Oh, my gosh!Copy !req
497. Oh, boy, do I feel stupid.Copy !req
498. Oh, we're so sorry, Jared.Copy !req
499. No, no. I-It was my fault.
I can't believe I-I...Copy !req
500. I didn't even think of what
I was saying.Copy !req
501. So he was saying children should
have help like he had.Copy !req
502. Yeah!Copy !req
503. This has got to be about the
biggest misunderstanding ever!Copy !req
504. Oh, my God!Copy !req
505. I told my girlfriend
I wanted her to share my aides!Copy !req
506. Oh, no wonder she left!Copy !req
507. Can... Can you imagine
what we thoughtCopy !req
508. when you said
"Aides for Everyone Foundation"?Copy !req
509. Oh, brother!Copy !req
510. H-Hey. We're all laughing.Copy !req
511. Oh, hey, yeah. We... We would've
never laughed about this before.Copy !req
512. Well, don't you see
what this means?Copy !req
513. It's been 22.3 years, so...
AIDS is finally funny!Copy !req
514. He's right.
It's happened.Copy !req
515. Hey, everybody!
AIDS is finally funny!Copy !req
516. All right!Copy !req
517. - Whoo-hoo!
- Hooray!Copy !req
518. I knew it would be funny
one day!Copy !req
519. AIDS!Copy !req
520. Then it's time.
We can undo the banner.Copy !req
521. Tom, I'm standing
in the town square,Copy !req
522. where just moments ago
it was declaredCopy !req
523. that AIDS can finally
be joked about.Copy !req
524. What a great day for humanity.Copy !req
525. AIDS quilt.Copy !req
526. Oh, boy, this fantastic.Copy !req
527. I so glad AIDS is funny now.Copy !req
528. Okay. So now do you want to use
our friend in your commercials?Copy !req
529. Sure. Okay.
I pay you 15 dollar.Copy !req
530. 15 dollar?
But Jared got millions.Copy !req
531. Hey, I not Subway.
I Chitty Wok.Copy !req
532. Chitty Wok don't have
million dollar.Copy !req
533. Oh, God damn it!Copy !req
534. Just forget the whole thing,
then!Copy !req
535. Okay.Copy !req
536. Hey, you kids know
why chicken cross the road?Copy !req
537. - Why?
- 'Cause it had AIDS.Copy !req
538. AIDS so funny.Copy !req
539. Well, so much for our money.Copy !req
540. Yeah, but you know,
I've learned something today.Copy !req
541. It would've been wrong for us
to exploit Butters' weight lossCopy !req
542. because lots of fat people
would've believed itCopy !req
543. and eaten a ton of Chinese food
instead of dieting properly.Copy !req
544. They'd still be fat,Copy !req
545. and we'd be responsible
for their shattered dreams.Copy !req
546. Yeah. I don't like
shattering fat peoples' dreams.Copy !req
547. Besides, I'd get grounded.Copy !req
548. Oh, Jesus!
I'm supposed to be grounded!Copy !req
549. There you are, Butters!Copy !req
550. Are my mom and dad
back home yet?Copy !req
551. No, but they're due any minute.
C'mon, you're just in time!Copy !req
552. Oh, boy!Copy !req
553. Mom and Dad didn't find out
I left the house, did they?Copy !req
554. No.
I totally covered for you.Copy !req
555. They completely believed
I was you on the phone.Copy !req
556. Oh, g-goody!Copy !req
557. I drew some pictures with crayonCopy !req
558. so it looked like you were here
all day.Copy !req
559. I ate a little food
so it looked like you ate.Copy !req
560. - And I fed your cat.
- Perfect.Copy !req
561. I'd better get out of here
before they get back.Copy !req
562. Hey, Eric?Copy !req
563. Thanks for covering for me.
You're a real pal.Copy !req
564. Butters, it was my pleasure.Copy !req
565. Hi, Mom and Dad!Copy !req
566. Don't you "Hi, Mom
and Dad" us, you little punk!Copy !req
567. Ow! Dad!Copy !req
568. You don't even know the trouble you're in!Copy !req
569. What'd I do? What'd I do?Copy !req
570. Do you think you're tough now?Copy !req
571. Answer me!Copy !req
572. Oh, man, if I was older,Copy !req
573. I would totally start
jacking off right now.Copy !req