1. This fantasy, this dream, this vision,
turned into this dark reality.
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2. He was like a different person.
I barely recognized him.
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3. We have 30 seconds.
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4. - I'm Santa Claus!
- Are you Santa Claus?
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5. Look into the camera, Jonatan.
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6. Come here, Jonatan.
Come to Daddy.
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7. Repeat after me.
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8. An artist.
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9. - Say again, you're building a house?
- Yes.
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10. - What kind of house?
- A Peter Pan house.
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11. A Peter Pan house...
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12. Here is Jonatan's table,
with all his invention stuff
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13. that he's been working on
this whole week.
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14. - I need tape.
- Tape?
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15. Happy new year!
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16. Lights... sound... camera... action!
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17. When I first met Jonatan,
Micke and I had started hanging out.
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18. Micke and I had been, like,
Facebook friends.
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19. There weren't that many people
that I knew of,
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20. or that he knew of,
who were making music.
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21. We were in the park and like, drink-
ing beer and listening to a song.
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22. Then Jonatan came
and we started talking.
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23. And he was like, "I rap."
And we were like, "nice."
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24. "We make beats." He was like,
"Let's do something." OK.
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25. He was fun to hang with.
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26. And we liked the same stuff.
We'd talk very in-depth
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27. about everything related to hip hop.
Just total hip hop geeks.
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28. Anything from that to Anti Cimex
and Shitlickers.
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29. It was all interesting to us.
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30. Me and Jonatan decided to get a mic.
I'd come into some cash.
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31. So we got a mic, and cleared out
a room in his basement.
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32. We just started playing around.
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33. Young Mr Lean.
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34. At first it was like, "I don't
know about the sound of this."
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35. But then you'd listen to it
a few times and be like,
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36. "It's pretty good."
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37. In early 2013,
you started seeing these...
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38. videos on YouTube
with this guy in a bucket hat...
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39. who would basically freestyle
over some dreamy beats.
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40. I'd never heard anything like it
in Sweden
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41. but I knew of some US artists.
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42. But there was something special
about this guy and the esthetic.
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43. I think it started with me emailing
Yung Lean, Jonatan,
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44. and asked him if he
wanted to perform.
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45. They'd never performed live before.
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46. You're not gonna back out?
You in?
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47. - I dunno.
- You in or what?
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48. It was more or less sold out,
like 300 people.
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49. Unreal, given they'd released,
like, three songs.
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50. "I have no idea what this is"
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51. "why we're doing it
and why these people are here."
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52. "They sing along, which is awesome."
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53. "But, like,
what the fuck is going on?"
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54. Jonatan had done at least a couple
interviews with Vice or Noisey.
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55. We got lot of interview requests.
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56. We felt the next step
would be to step up
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57. by shooting a well-made music video.
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58. It turned out to be Kyoto.
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59. When that dropped,
that's when it really blew up.
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60. The dream was to tour in the US
and to record more music.
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61. To get to the place
that his lyrics were dreaming of.
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62. Jonatan was a huge fan of Hippos in
Tanks and the music they released.
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63. We were going to check out the gig.
We were all James Ferraro fans.
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64. Barron had this thing about him.
He'd walk into a room and own it.
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65. Very energetic and motivated
and interested.
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66. We knew things were taking off
when they got a Travis Scott feature,
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67. were invited to record
with Frank Ocean in London.
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68. You could really sense
this was going to be huge.
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69. Jonatan! It's Travis. Get it.
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70. And ja, må du leva...
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71. - We should record for the video.
- Pass it.
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72. - You trying to film?
- Mm...
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73. - Here...
- Someone has to stay with the blunt.
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74. Seriously, this roof space is sick.
Seriously, check out the view.
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75. None of the guys had done this.
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76. Me neither. I mean, I'd done clubs
abroad before, but not on this level.
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77. It became like a crash course
in the live-music industry.
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78. People wanting interviews
at each new stop.
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79. Kids wanting to get backstage.
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80. Just, like, security in general.
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81. But the sensation among the guys
was unbelievable.
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82. Everyone was psyched.
We had almost the whole crew there.
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83. It was a bigger tour. All the
requests, all the possibilities.
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84. Lots of partying.
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85. I'm having a psychosis.
I'm going to suffer a psychosis.
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86. - Barrone, Barrone!
- Hey!
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87. I wouldn't turn down some Gulp.
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88. He said just to drop it right in,
right?
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89. My gut never trusted Steven.
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90. What I heard from day one was
that he would act as a kind of...
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91. legal guardian and guardian of
the situation and possible scenarios.
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92. But I soon found myself
having to take on-
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93. a big chunk of the responsibility
as guardian of the whole situation.
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94. Sad Boys tour, 2014.
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95. Micke is having the time of his life.
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96. He took all five Adderalls.
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97. He shouldn't take any more drugs
and just enjoy this trip.
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98. Micke, you have a really nice trip
ahead of you. I'm jealous.
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99. If I could trade Xanax and cocaine...
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100. and miscellaneous other drugs
in exchange for my life, I would.
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101. What I remember the most?
I remember putting out fires.
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102. That was my main job every day,
back then.
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103. I had to be their shrink.
I had to be a kind of father figure.
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104. And of course I had to be
on top of all things
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105. related to the live performance.
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106. They were all used to partying.
But not on that kind of scale.
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107. It got to a point where some
couldn't even get on stage.
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108. And that got me both stressed,
upset, and concerned.
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109. But it's spinning so fast
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110. you forget to take a step back,
see the bigger picture.
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111. This is insane.
How are you doing? Get up, get up.
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112. Some of us were maybe
getting a bit unstable...
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113. mentally.
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114. Barron would talk a lot
about energies.
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115. He and Emilio were the first ones
to listen to my weird ideas
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116. and to actually think
they were good ideas.
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117. He'd say, "Lean, you're not Lean,
you're Madonna."
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118. "You're fucking Madonna, man."
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119. I figured,
maybe I am fucking Madonna.
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120. If Barron thinks so, maybe I am.
Guess I'll see myself that way.
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121. I didn't see myself that way. He
just had a positive spin on things.
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122. Jonatan and I took a meeting, saying
we'd make a new album in Stockholm.
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123. So I was getting ready to chill out.
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124. Because I was kind of feeling
that things had kind of...
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125. I just didn't enjoy it as much
and wanted to do something else.
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126. It seemed great to be in Sweden
and record an album.
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127. But we'd already planned
to record an album in Miami.
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128. Which I flat out refused to do.
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129. So the others went
and recorded Warlord
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130. and I stayed home and slowed down.
Copy !req
131. We went to record in Miami,
and that's when things took a turn.
Copy !req
132. That's when this fantasy,
dream or vision
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133. turned into
a kind of dark reality...
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134. pretty quickly.
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135. My relationship with Barron
was already pretty bad.
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136. It felt like there was this constant
power struggle between us
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137. over getting the band to
listen to you.
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138. We still had good times.
There were these ups and downs.
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139. But I also noticed Jonatan
was becoming more closed off and...
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140. paranoid, almost.
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141. I remember incidents
of him talking weird.
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142. Before gigs and stuff.
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143. But after the gig,
he'd be chill again.
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144. My gut feeling was telling me
something was off.
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145. That what we were doing wasn't right.
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146. I could also see
that Axel couldn't do it anymore.
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147. So my advice to everyone was
to stop recording and touring.
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148. And for everyone to go home.
Copy !req
149. Jonatan was set on finishing
the project in the US first
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150. and then going home.
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151. I couldn't talk him into
coming home with us.
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152. So Axel and I flew home
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153. while Jonatan and Benjamin
stayed with Barron in Miami.
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154. It's kind of a trauma, all the shit
that happened over there.
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155. I'd never been through anything
like that.
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156. I wasn't really prepared
to handle it.
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157. Whole days would go by
and we didn't do or record anything.
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158. Everything was just off.
There were bad vibes.
Copy !req
159. Just five or six days
after I got back
Copy !req
160. I started getting pretty alarming
calls and texts
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161. from Benjamin, mostly
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162. saying they wanted to come home
and that Jonatan wasn't doing great.
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163. He couldn't tell reality
from fantasy anymore.
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164. He'd write weird contracts
with the Devil.
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165. He was starting to see
everything in symbols.
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166. Barron didn't realize
he wasn't himself.
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167. So he was trying
to talk normally to him.
Copy !req
168. Jonatan was telling him he was
seeing ghosts in the room and shit.
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169. Barron was like, he just has a ghost
inside of him, like, he's obsessed.
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170. It'll be chill in a moment.
Just wait it out. Just let him sleep.
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171. Barron took off to buy something
from the store.
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172. Right when they leave,
I hear Jonatan's door open
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173. and he goes to the bathroom.
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174. I approach the bathroom door
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175. and get this weird vibe that
something's wrong.
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176. I was scared to open the door. When
I opened it, he'd painted his face.
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177. He was looking at himself
in the mirror.
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178. And he started, like, freaking out.
Copy !req
179. He broke a mirror and was,
like, bleeding from his face.
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180. You'd look in his eyes,
and it wasn't the same person.
Copy !req
181. What am I gonna do, I thought.
He's totally gone.
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182. I can't deal with him on my own,
I felt. So I called 911.
Copy !req
183. So they sent a cop car
and an ambulance.
Copy !req
184. They put him on a stretcher
and asked what had happened.
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185. And I was like, he's having
a psychosis or something.
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186. And they were like,
"No, what's he taken?"
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187. They didn't believe
it was a psychosis.
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188. They thought
he was high on meth.
Copy !req
189. I was like,
"No, he's just been smoking."
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190. I ride with him in the ambulance
to the hospital.
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191. I think they asked him
if he was suicidal.
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192. And he said yes.
So they had to have him committed.
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193. So they put him in a room
and told me I had to leave.
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194. So I took off
and went back to the apartment.
Copy !req
195. Barron was still not back. I didn't
have a key, so I was locked out.
Copy !req
196. So I sat and waited in the lobby
for a long fucking time.
Copy !req
197. Barron should've never gotten in that
car. When you get so fucked up...
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198. What are friends there for?
And why didn't they take Uber?
Copy !req
199. I went and picked him up
from the airport,
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200. along with his mom and dad
and a psychologist.
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201. And we took him back
to his parents' place.
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202. He was going to stay there
temporarily.
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203. He was like
a totally different person.
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204. I barely recognized him.
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205. Extremely paranoid
and worried all the time.
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206. Maybe we should've been
more concerned.
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207. But he was such a creative force,
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208. and of course we felt he should
be allowed to express himself.
Copy !req
209. Of course he should be allowed room
to make his art and his music.
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210. And however concerned
we might have been,
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211. we could never have stopped Jonatan.
Copy !req
212. My gut feeling told me
something was wrong.
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213. I told my mom and my sister,
"Someone's dead."
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214. "Who is dead?"
Copy !req
215. And then I heard it was Barron
who was dead, and I just broke down.
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216. They didn't tell me for two months.
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217. For two months,
I didn't know he was dead.
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218. He really was a wonderful person.
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219. Now I'm just trying to forget.
Copy !req
220. While staying at Steven's, I read up
a bunch on Chinese zodiac signs.
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221. That's when I learned
I was a Fire Rat.
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222. At the time, I was totally convinced
that it was all a game.
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223. And that someone
was playing with my brain
Copy !req
224. making all the scary things appear.
Copy !req
225. I was having a psychosis.
I didn't understand a thing.
Copy !req
226. Once I heard that Jonatan had
suffered a psychosis and all that,
Copy !req
227. I think I just kind of shut off.
Not very loyal of me.
Copy !req
228. That's what I did, so I very much
distanced myself from all of it
Copy !req
229. during that entire spring and summer.
Copy !req
230. Everything was just a mess.
I basically couldn't do anything.
Copy !req
231. Everyone was super worried.
Like, will he ever make music again?
Copy !req
232. Will he ever be able to perform
again? Is it all over?
Copy !req
233. Everyone was waiting for more.
Copy !req
234. He didn't want to talk music
this whole time.
Copy !req
235. That's when I felt, I need to find
people who can help us sort this out.
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236. Emilio called me
and wanted to go for a walk.
Copy !req
237. On this walk, he told me everything
that had happened to them in the US.
Copy !req
238. I didn't know just how bad it was
when I got involved in it.
Copy !req
239. Steven had lost his son,
which was awful.
Copy !req
240. But that didn't make it OK for him
Copy !req
241. to accuse people of stuff
the way he did.
Copy !req
242. That was really hard.
Copy !req
243. Also, finances were a total mess.
Copy !req
244. No contracts written, and so on.
Copy !req
245. Steven was the adult everyone thought
had a handle on that.
Copy !req
246. We ended up in
a legal battle with him.
Copy !req
247. But our only concern was
that Jonatan would get better.
Copy !req
248. We soon realized a lot of
management work was required.
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249. But it all had to be financed
somehow.
Copy !req
250. So we started looking for partners
Copy !req
251. for releasing
the next Yung Lean project.
Copy !req
252. While Jonatan was getting better.
We started outlining a new set-up.
Copy !req
253. Kind of back to square one.
Copy !req
254. Benjamin and I started running
his social media accounts.
Copy !req
255. To keep them going.
Copy !req
256. So there wouldn't be
as many questions
Copy !req
257. about what had happened to Yung Lean.
Copy !req
258. Jonatan was a bit unclear
about... who was who.
Copy !req
259. Who is Jonatan and who is Yung Lean?
Copy !req
260. Who am I in this character?
Am I this character?
Copy !req
261. Or am I not this character?
Copy !req
262. I didn't go, "Time to get straight
and start making music again."
Copy !req
263. It was a constant battle
to get back on the horse.
Copy !req
264. Jonatan Leandoer127 was something
I think he needed to start
Copy !req
265. because Yung Lean was
so emotionally charged for him.
Copy !req
266. So he needed to express himself,
still through music,
Copy !req
267. but in a different way.
Copy !req
268. A lot darker,
more honest and personal.
Copy !req
269. It was kind of a thought cleanse
from that time.
Copy !req
270. A way of getting out
what needed to get out.
Copy !req
271. To be able to start over.
Copy !req
272. It was important for us
Copy !req
273. to let Jonatan do his comeback
at his own pace.
Copy !req
274. To let him decide
when the time had come
Copy !req
275. to continue on his journey.
Copy !req
276. I remember we had an offer
on the table
Copy !req
277. for Jonatan to go perform in Russia.
Copy !req
278. And it was a ridiculous sum
of money, for right then.
Copy !req
279. He'd never been to Russia,
so we were like...
Copy !req
280. "Maybe it would be good for him
to get back in the saddle,"
Copy !req
281. "see how it feels?"
Copy !req
282. And before long,
it all started falling apart again.
Copy !req
283. Something in my brain
had started to come loose.
Copy !req
284. I was just sitting and laughing
manically in front of the TV.
Copy !req
285. I started thinking
of Alice in Wonderland:
Copy !req
286. "Follow the white rabbit."
Copy !req
287. Like, what do they want with me?
Copy !req
288. That's when things really took a turn
toward crazy mania.
Copy !req
289. One moment I'd be
on the floor, shaking,
Copy !req
290. the next I'd be on my feet,
running around and dancing.
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291. And I felt more and more intoxicated.
Copy !req
292. I hadn't been drinking
or taking anything.
Copy !req
293. And then my parents
took me to the psych ward.
Copy !req
294. Then it took me two months...
Copy !req
295. I was a convalescent for two months.
Copy !req
296. - Hey, how you doing?
- It's all good.
Copy !req
297. - Good seeing you.
- Likewise.
Copy !req
298. - I got some food from Gossip.
- I was thinking of get some, too.
Copy !req
299. - I bet you will.
- I just got my shiny, new debit card.
Copy !req
300. You got a new debit card?
It's got one of those things on it?
Copy !req
301. It's perfect.
Copy !req
302. I got my business expense card.
It's nice to have.
Copy !req
303. I want one of those, too.
I gotta get on that.
Copy !req
304. You got your own business, right?
Copy !req
305. Yeah.
But I still don't know what it is.
Copy !req
306. I know you can make deductions.
Copy !req
307. Say you wanted to grab a coffee
with Adrian Lux or Avicii
Copy !req
308. or Martha Wainwright, you can
expense and deduct that coffee.
Copy !req
309. - Just makes it easier.
- Cool.
Copy !req
310. You know I'm gonna grab a shit-ton
of coffees with Adrian Lux.
Copy !req
311. Like, an insane amount.
Copy !req
312. - Hello?
- Anybody home?
Copy !req
313. I'd just be up at all hours,
drawing a bunch.
Copy !req
314. I wasn't getting much sleep
and just feeling creative.
Copy !req
315. But once I got there, I went crazy.
Copy !req
316. I took my clothes off and went,
"Yes, take me! I need to be here!"
Copy !req
317. And I went, "I know this isn't
a psychosis, I'm being manic."
Copy !req
318. "I know you're a doctor, and
you're a doctor - I'm not psychotic."
Copy !req
319. They emptied my pockets
of all sharp objects, like keys.
Copy !req
320. Then I was just a patient for three
weeks. I liked Danderyd Hospital.
Copy !req
321. I fell back in love
with ryecrisp and lasagna.
Copy !req
322. Have you been diagnosed yet?
Copy !req
323. I was in the Huddinge psych ward.
Copy !req
324. They said, "We're going to put you
on lithium. You're bipolar."
Copy !req
325. It was like being admitted for a pap-
er cut and learning you have cancer.
Copy !req
326. From what I heard, being manic isn't
the worst part about being bipolar.
Copy !req
327. - It's being depressed.
- That's what they're trying to stop.
Copy !req
328. When I was being manic,
I was just super happy.
Copy !req
329. And then the depression came
when I was in the hospital.
Copy !req
330. That's what I'm treated for every
day. But I've been mad depressed.
Copy !req
331. Waking up every day,
staying in bed, like,
Copy !req
332. how am I gonna deal
with this day?
Copy !req
333. Once I'm up and having breakfast,
I feel like I can have a good day.
Copy !req
334. Hi, Grandma!
Copy !req
335. - Hi Miriam, how are you?
- You OK?
Copy !req
336. I called the doctor,
got my new meds.
Copy !req
337. Great!
Copy !req
338. Chanterelles...
Copy !req
339. - This was so nice, Jonatan! Bravo!
- So nice. Thank you!
Copy !req
340. - Thank you, Jonatan. Cheers, chef!
- Cheers for Grandma.
Copy !req
341. He chose life, he chose health,
he chose his friends, he chose art.
Copy !req
342. He said, drugs don't make you crea-
tive. Creativity comes from within.
Copy !req
343. I think that
was a crucial realization.
Copy !req
344. That drugs
didn't fuel his creativity.
Copy !req
345. That he had that creative force
within and that's what mattered.
Copy !req
346. Should it be slower?
Copy !req
347. No, that's perfect.
Copy !req
348. That force that Jonatan
has always had,
Copy !req
349. it kind of exploded
after his illness.
Copy !req
350. He used everything he'd been through,
all of his emotions.
Copy !req
351. It was now allowed to flourish.
Copy !req
352. I remember coming to the hospital
and told him, "Good news.
Copy !req
353. "You most likely have a disorder
Copy !req
354. "Nothing's happened.
You have a disorder, you're bipolar."
Copy !req
355. And it was a great relief
finding that out.
Copy !req
356. Because it gave us an answer
as to why he'd been ill.
Copy !req
357. Then you can treat it, he can get
medication and get it sorted.
Copy !req
358. It gave a sense of calm and security.
It was a good thing.
Copy !req
359. It was also a scary thing,
Copy !req
360. knowing maybe this wouldn't be
the last time this happened.
Copy !req
361. It's good to know it's a disorder.
Copy !req
362. But it's also scary to know
it's for life.
Copy !req
363. Maybe for all of our lives.
Copy !req
364. I remember asking my grandma,
Copy !req
365. what's the most
important thing in life?
Copy !req
366. I was sure she'd say,
having a daughter or a family,
Copy !req
367. or to love or whatever.
Copy !req
368. But she said, "To evolve."
Copy !req
369. I was like, hm, well,
Copy !req
370. maybe you've worked too much
in your life, Grandma.
Copy !req
371. Then I thought, OK, maybe not the
most important, but it is important.
Copy !req
372. It happens naturally.
If you do something more and more,
Copy !req
373. you can hear yourself evolving,
you can see it. You get better.
Copy !req
374. Devoting my life
to making other people happy,
Copy !req
375. or getting them to feel things
they may not dare to feel otherwise.
Copy !req
376. That makes me pretty happy.
Copy !req
377. Through it all, a ton of people
have been there from the start.
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378. That wasn't planned.
Sometimes it almost makes me cry.
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379. I've been writing lyrics since
I was a kid. Rap songs...
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380. What was most interesting to me back
then was my imagination, I guess.
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381. It was like painting a picture,
a film mixed in with beautiful words.
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382. A horror film mixed with sci-fi. All
of that meshed well with Yung Lean.
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383. When you write that much, I mean,
I'd write every day, all the time,
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384. and every chance I'd get,
I'd record something.
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385. That fantasy world was much more fun,
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386. way more fun than Jonatan.
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387. I wasn't interested
in rapping about...
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388. I didn't feel an obligation to rap
about the ordinary part of my life.
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389. My ordinary self. I hated that part
of myself, found it boring.
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390. What I channeled through Yung Lean
was the best of me, I thought.
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391. My most interesting thoughts.
The best part of me.
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392. And I think I found more honesty
in my imagination
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393. than I would've in something
that had happened to me,
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394. or whatever happened yesterday,
or how I was feeling.
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395. I think I've focused more
on that stuff later.
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396. Trying to incorporate
more ordinary life.
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397. - Nice. Know any Död Mark?
- No.
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398. Me neither.
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399. I'm so happy that AIK lost.
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400. It kind of went to shit,
but then it didn't.
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401. He is an old soul
in a young man's body.
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402. Did you see the news?
The naked man walking around?
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403. - In the studio?
- No, just a naked man.
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404. He was like, handsome, and walking
around naked with a grocery bag.
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405. - That was a while ago.
- Yeah.
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406. But it was funny, because he wasn't
drunk or being a pain in the ass.
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407. He was just toned and handsome
and walking around naked.
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408. It was funny because they didn't know
what to do, what to arrest him for.
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409. It's a whole different ballgame
if you're sexy.
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410. Axel! Grub!
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411. Come on!
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412. Thank the frog god
for being with us in spirit.
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413. - Thank you, Micke, for the food.
- Thanks.
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414. Let's eat. Thank you.
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415. I could go night swimming later.
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416. Night swimming?
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417. In the middle of the night,
Axel and I will sneak out naked.
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418. Seriously, go for an evening swim.
How about it, Axel?
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419. Barron's death was awful.
Any one of us could have died.
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420. We could have died on that tour
or after, 100 percent.
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421. But we rose from those ashes.
That's a beautiful thing.
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422. What do you think, Axel?
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423. - What do you think, Axel?
- For Axel there are no good times.
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424. Things were a bit more exciting
back then, I guess.
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425. Sure...
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426. But I don't give it
much thought now.
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427. Well, that type of excitement
has its upside and its downside.
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428. I've probably seen, heard and
experienced everything I need to
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429. in that department.
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430. I'm pretty done with all that.
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431. We've had moments of someone
being up on a roof,
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432. or someone sitting with a knife and a
ton of coke, we've been through that.
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433. We don't need to do the teenage,
rock star thing anymore.
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434. Now it's cool to do it professionally
and finding new worlds in the studio.
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435. That's the fun part,
I think we'd all agree.
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436. People are fucking wasted.
It's ridiculous.
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437. It's like a Finnish cruise ship,
slash frat party.
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438. I'm ready.
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439. You wanna go on with Nino
or chill for a bit?
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440. Me and Viggo need
to finish this game.
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441. Nino, keep that trap going.
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442. - Is Micke awake?
- No idea.
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443. I haven't seen him in a good while.
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444. Jonatan's health is always
the most important thing.
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445. He could do 40 gigs
throughout Europe.
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446. And he could do 60 gigs in the US.
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447. But we can't do it that way.
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448. Jonatan can do
three consecutive gigs.
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449. Then he needs one or two days off,
then he can do another three.
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450. In the beginning, Yung Lean was
a character I wanted to escape to.
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451. He was a more interesting character
than Jonatan.
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452. An alter ego that was more out there.
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453. He could do things
Jonatan couldn't do.
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454. Yung Lean was a character that ended
up growing together with Jonatan.
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455. Now, my lyrics are drawn
just as much from real life
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456. as they are from what
the character Yung Lean would say.
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457. - Micke! What's happening?
- Beer!
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458. - Grab one for me!
- Micke!
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459. If you find a non-alcoholic one,
grab one for me!
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460. This is the worst part.
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461. The intro.
The moment just before going on.
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462. Horrible!
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463. Now that I'm not wasted,
I do get nervous.
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464. Right before going on,
you feel this is the worst feeling.
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465. You get butterflies in your belly.
And you feel so vulnerable.
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466. But once you get on stage,
it all goes away in a second.
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467. Before, I'd numb those feelings
with drugs and alcohol.
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468. Not anymore.
Now I have to face the fears.
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469. I feel like I'm just starting out.
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470. I feel like I have a ton of unwritten
songs that need to get written.
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471. So many dreams I've never
even been close to realizing.
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472. All I've been through,
all I've seen and been inspired by,
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473. I've come to realize what's me
and what isn't me.
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474. And the stuff that's me,
I only want to get better at.
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475. I just want to be truer to myself.
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476. Less afraid of what I might be
able to accomplish.
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477. Dare to act on dreaming big.
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478. And not having to compromise
with what I live for.
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479. Mario Bernengo
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