Young Adult (2011)

1. I'm just... I don't feel pretty right now.

2. Having my friends here is great, but it's like...

3. making my self-esteem go down really bad.

4. And they look so good, and they're just like,

5. like the hottest girls in the world, and here I am just like...

6. - ... and you're... - Babe.

7. - I got to get ready. - No, you don't. Come here.

8. - That's just it. - What?

9. Kendra, you are the most beautiful woman.

10. And don't let anybody coming around...

11. after you just had a baby, make you not feel that way, babe.

12. Ow!

13. You want that?

14. All right, come on. Follow me.

15. Kendal Strickland wasn't just the prettiest girl at Waverley Prep,

16. she was a legend.

17. As a junior, the student council voted to dedicate the yearbook to her,

18. even though another student had recently died.

19. Hey, Mavis, it's Jim again. Just callin' to bug you.

20. We need that draft of Waverley 178.

21. We can work with something rough. Last one, sweetheart.

22. I know you can do it. Hopefully by Friday?

23. When you send something that soon, it's for the inner circle.

24. It's not for the ex-girlfriend of the father who doesn't talk to him any more.

25. Frankly, that's a slap in the face. Right?

26. You seem a little overly worked up about this.

27. I am not worked up in the slightest.

28. I was just trying to tell you about something that happened. God!

29. Well, good for them, right?

30. Buddy seems like he'd be a decent parent.

31. Can you imagine still living in Mercury'?

32. Trapped with a wife and a kid and some crappy job?

33. It's like...

34. It's like he's a hostage.

35. Yup. We're lucky we got out.

36. - Yes. - We have lives.

37. Let me let you borrow an outfit 'cause that dress is hideous, honey.

38. I'm excited that Kourtney is gonna come with me now to the TV Guide party

39. because who wants to go to a party by themselves?

40. - It's to die for. - That is fab.

41. I just think that Tyler and I are like soul twins.

42. You know? Right before he texts me,

43. - it's like I can... - Sense it?

44. Yes! Like psychically.

45. It's like we have chemistry, even over our phones.

46. Like text chemistry.

47. - 'Exactly.

48. Just as Kendal hit "send," a message from Ryan popped up like magic.

49. It couldn't be denied.

50. They had "textual chemistry."

51. So, all told, I spent a year in Southeast Asia.

52. - Why? - Uh...

53. Long story short, I ended up a volunteer teacher in Phnom Penh.

54. Oh, my God. Yikes.

55. Yeah, it was probably one of the most rewarding things I've ever done.

56. Of course.

57. Sure, totally.

58. "The Concept"

59. Dolce, take a pee.

60. Dolce, pee.

61. She wears denim wherever she goes.

62. "The Concept"

63. Welcome to Hampton Inn. Do you have a reservation?

64. No.

65. Mavis...

66. Gary.

67. - Is that a dog in your bag? - Nope.

68. We actually allow small pets with a cleaning deposit.

69. Good, because I have a small dog,

70. in my vehicle.

71. I'll put that you have a dog.

72. How many keys do you need?

73. Two, please.

74. Expecting company?

75. Oh!

76. Hi. YOU.

77. Personal.

78. Mercury, Minnesota.

79. Mercury, Minnesota.

80. Slade.

81. I can't. There's nothing I can do for you.

82. I love Mason more than I love you.

83. Hey, Buddy, this is Mavis.

84. Remember? Mavis Gary'?

85. I'm in town for this little real estate thing,

86. and I, um... I don't know, I just thought if you have time,

87. and you wanna grab a drink, catch up?

88. Something like that. Um...

89. All right, well, listen, call me and, um... and let me know.

90. All right, bye.

91. Fuck.

92. - Hey, Buddy. - Mavis Gary.

93. - It's been, uh... how long? - I'm not sure.

94. Gosh. Wow.

95. So you're actually back in town, huh?

96. Yeah, well, I'm just passing through.

97. I am insanely busy as always.

98. Well, I don't know how long you're around

99. with your real estate thing, but I'd love to grab a drink.

100. OK.

101. Well, if you're feeling spontaneous,

102. I could meet you at, uh, Woody's in...

103. I don't know, 15 minutes?

104. Spontaneous really isn't a thing these days.

105. I don't know if you heard, but I am a new dad.

106. Duh!

107. Everyone knows. Yeah, the whole gang.

108. I got that, uh, announcement.

109. - Thanks for that, by the way. - You're welcome, you're welcome.

110. How about we meet tomorrow

111. at this place called Champion O'Malley's?

112. - It's kind of fun. - Of course, yes. Yeah.

113. How, um... how does 8:00, 8:30 sound?

114. - 6:00 would be better. - 6:00 is perfect.

115. Great, I'll see you at 6:00.

116. "Achin' To Be"

117. Maker's Mark.

118. What?

119. I'm sorry, but I think we went to high school together.

120. - At the same time? - Yeah.

121. You're Mavis Gary'?

122. Mavis Gary-Crane now.

123. I'm Matt Freehauf.

124. My locker was actually next to yours,

125. all through high school.

126. Matt... Freehauf.

127. Yeah.

128. Yeah, your locker was right there.

129. Right next to mine.

130. We didn't run in the same circles.

131. You were pretty popular, if I remember correctly.

132. You won "Best Hair."

133. Did I? What did you win?

134. I didn't.

135. Uh, they usually give out, like, 15 of those,

136. and only to the same five people.

137. Yeah, well, listen, Matt, it was really nice seeing you...

138. What are you doing back in Mercury? You move back?

139. Of course not. Gross.

140. - No, I live in Minneapolis. - Oh.

141. I'm just here taking care of a little real estate thing.

142. - I own some property... - I read in the Sun you're a writer.

143. Yes, I am an author.

144. Children's books.

145. Y.A. That's industry speak for "Young Adult."

146. It's a very popular teen series.

147. It's everywhere. It's huge.

148. - You've probably seen it. - Uh, vampires?

149. "It's A Shame About Ray"

150. Hey, take that, liver.

151. Weren't you that hate crime guy'?

152. Excuse me?

153. You totally were.

154. You're the hate crime guy.

155. Oh, my God. Why didn't you just say that?

156. Now I know who you are.

157. Matt, the hate crime guy.

158. Yes, Mavis. When I was a...

159. When we were seniors,

160. a bunch of jocks who thought I was gay jumped me in the woods...

161. That's right.

162. and hit me on the legs and dick with a crowbar.

163. With a crowbar. I totally remember that.

164. It was national news.

165. I mean, until people found out that I wasn't really gay.

166. Then it wasn't a hate crime any more.

167. It was a fat guy getting his ass beat.

168. Didn't you get to miss a bunch of school?

169. Yes, I got to miss about six months. It was awesome.

170. Fuck. How's your dick?

171. Not good. Not good.

172. - Does it work? - Yeah, it works.

173. You know, it's just kind of does a...

174. Hard Jacks.

175. Do you know who drinks these?

176. I don't.

177. Buddy Slade.

178. That's an interesting fact.

179. Come here.

180. Do you wanna know why I'm really in town?

181. Yes.

182. I can't tell you in here.

183. OK, you got me out here.

184. All right.

185. Here's the deal.

186. Buddy Slade and I are meant to be together.

187. - And I'm here to get him back. - Buddy Slade. All right.

188. I'm pretty sure he's married with a kid on the way.

189. No, kid's here. She already had it.

190. I'm cool with it. I mean, I've got baggage too.

191. So wait, are you not joking?

192. Oh, God, Matt, I get it. People won't understand.

193. But you know, these things happen. In real life, they actually happen.

194. They just tend to happen in slow motion.

195. They get divorced, they reconfigure, and society is, like, fine with that...

196. if you take your time, like an emotional glacier. I'm 37...

197. Mavis, I would keep all of this to yourself.

198. I would find a therapist.

199. Talk to a professional.

200. - Matt. - Oh, boy.

201. Don't you get it?

202. Love conquers all.

203. Have you not seen The Graduate?

204. Or, like, I don't know, anything?

205. Oh, a taxi.

206. Yes, we called it. Ma...

207. Mavis, hey!

208. Buddy Slade has a life.

209. Buddy Slade has a life. No, he has a baby, and babies are boring!

210. Having spent the summer outside Waverley Prep,

211. Kendal looked around at her fellow students, thinking,

212. "Did I really get that much better, or did everyone simply get worse?

213. Why was Ryan spending so much time with this dumpy new girl?"

214. Mavis, this is Jim. Do you even have any pages?

215. I'm trying to help you, but I can't if you...

216. Oh, no, not gonna need those.

217. Oh. You're gonna wanna try the popcorn shrimp.

218. No, I'm not. A couple of Hard Jacks, please.

219. OK.

220. Hey.

221. Hey, you.

222. - Wow. - Great to see you.

223. Mm...

224. So...

225. This is, uh, quite the mid-week surprise.

226. Hey, I ordered us a couple of Hard Jacks.

227. I haven't had one of those since college.

228. I know, me neither.

229. But I thought, you know, just for old times' sake.

230. Actually, I haven't been drinking recently.

231. Because during Beth's pregnancy, and now that she's nursing our girl,

232. I thought I'd show some solidarity.

233. Right.

234. So...

235. - You still at General Mills? - Yeah.

236. Ad sales now.

237. My dad's still there, so we have lunch together most days.

238. Yeah. Pizza or sub sandwiches.

239. Awesome.

240. I've just been working my little butt off in the city.

241. You know, doing my thing.

242. Down there in the old Mini Apple?

243. God, Buddy. Nobody calls it the Mini Apple any more.

244. I didn't know.

245. I'll go grab those Hard Jacks.

246. Give our waitress a break.

247. So chivalrous.

248. Mavis.

249. What are you doing here?

250. I work here.

251. You know, bookkeeping, dealing with vendors.

252. Here's the better question. What are you doing here?

253. Just catching up with a friend.

254. Oh, catching up with a friend.

255. There's Buddy Slade,

256. acquiring a couple of mind-erasers at the bar.

257. You're not wasting any time, are you?

258. Look, it was really great hanging out with you last night.

259. - It was great. - OK.

260. - Yep. - Hey, Freehauf.

261. - What's up, man? - Hey, hey.

262. - Congrats on the little one. - Oh, thanks.

263. What a wonderful, permanent commitment to make.

264. - Yeah. - Yeah.

265. A ton of work though. Almost no sleep, right?

266. Sometimes I feel like a zombie.

267. But hey, it's so rewarding, right?

268. - Yeah. - Oh.

269. It's so nice running into him.

270. Thanks for stopping by, Matt.

271. Yeah, you're welcome, yeah.

272. You wanna join us for a round?

273. I would love to. I would.

274. Sadly, I have work to do, and it takes me twice as long

275. as an able-bodied person to complete even the simplest task.

276. - So... - Bummer.

277. I don't wanna step on your Mercury High reunion. So...

278. Go, go, lnjuns.

279. Actually, uh, they changed the name to "indians" back in '99, remember?

280. The local Fond du Lac tribe...

281. did a whole thing with...

282. It sucks, what happened to Matt.

283. That poor guy suffered so much just for being gay.

284. He's not actually gay.

285. - Yeah, I'm pretty sure he is. - No.

286. Didn't you call him a theater fag all the time in high school?

287. "Theater fag" is an expression, Buddy.

288. Well, whatever.

289. Mercury's changed a lot since then, though.

290. We're way less of a hick town.

291. - Really? - Mm.

292. Yeah, we've got this place. It beats Woody's, right?

293. And we're getting a new Chipotle at the mall.

294. And I noticed you got a KenTacoHut.

295. You know, one of those Kentucky Fried Chicken, Taco Bell...

296. - Pizza Hut. - Yeah.

297. That's genius. KenTacoHut.

298. You sound like one of your crazy characters.

299. Hey, so how's Allen?

300. - Allen is great. Yeah. - Mmmm.

301. Yeah, he's good.

302. We're not married any more, but...

303. Oh, sorry. I didn't...

304. No, don't be sorry. It's good. It's fine.

305. Well, that's Allen's loss.

306. It sucks to be Allen.

307. Sorry I can't stay any longer. I gotta go relieve Beth.

308. She's got band practice tonight.

309. - Beth's in a band? - Yeah.

310. Just something she does with the other moms.

311. Wow, cool.

312. Yeah, Beth's the drummer.

313. Oh, my God. Embarrassing.

314. Ah...

315. Actually, her band's playing here tomorrow night.

316. Hey, why don't you come over tomorrow night to our house for a hang?

317. We can have dinner, and then come here and see Beth's show.

318. - I would love that. - Yeah.

319. Oh, this is kind of silly,

320. but would you mind signing one of those Waverley Place books for me?

321. Sure.

322. I mean, it's not for me, obviously.

323. It's for my niece, Kendra.

324. She wants to be a writer someday.

325. Right, of course.

326. Um, but you know, my name isn't actually on the books.

327. I mean, it's on the title page if you check inside.

328. But I'm basically a ghostwriter.

329. It's still a pretty big deal, compared to the rest of us.

330. It was so great seeing you.

331. I always feel like we can pick up right where we left off.

332. Exactly.

333. You know what? You look the same.

334. I do?

335. Yeah, it's like the rest of us changed, you just got lucky.

336. - I'll see you tomorrow. - Yeah, great.

337. - OK. - Good night.

338. Hello?

339. Look, I just want you to know

340. that what you think you saw tonight is not what it was, OK?

341. Oh, so you're not trying to destroy Buddy Slade's marriage.

342. It is way more complicated than you can possibly ever understand, OK?

343. Buddy Slade and I have years and years of history,

344. and it is very rich, and very complex.

345. Wow, yeah, that sounds way beyond my comprehension.

346. Don't open a new ranch till the old one's done.

347. - What? - That's my sister. Forget it.

348. - Just so you know. - I got it. Thank you.

349. Do you want to get loaded, or something?

350. I'm Mavis.

351. I know. From high school.

352. Right.

353. I made you those Rice Krispies squares that one time for your birthday.

354. I got your locker combination from the vice principal.

355. I put them in your locker?

356. Thank you.

357. - So where's Matt? - In his cave.

358. "Pledge Your Allegiance"

359. Welcome to the distillery.

360. Are you making moonshine?

361. Screw you, hillbilly. This is aged bourbon.

362. You know what? Hang on.

363. All right. Check this out.

364. This is an eight-year, all right? Now take a sniff.

365. Not too deep, though. It's got a really strong...

366. That's a limited... There's not a lot.

367. - "Mos Easily Special Reserve." - Eisley.

368. Mos Eisley... Star Wars thing.

369. You know, the Cantina? You know, let's...

370. Let's let that age a little longer.

371. And I got another in here.

372. OK.

373. Now, see if you can detect...

374. some of the new oak.

375. - Oh, come on. - OK.

376. They're kind of hidden in there.

377. So when you sip...

378. - I was supposed to sip it? - Yeah.

379. Let's do a little...

380. There you go.

381. Mm.

382. Woody.

383. Oak.

384. So how'd the rest of your little date go?

385. - Good. It was eye-opening. - Yeah?

386. I mean, Buddy's clearly not happy.

387. OK, he actually said that?

388. He implied it.

389. You can tell, he's totally suffering.

390. He looks completely exhausted.

391. You know he told me he feels like a zombie.

392. I was there, all right? I suspect he was being flip.

393. That's a pretty strong statement to make.

394. I mean, a zombie is a dead person, not...

395. Mavis, I'm a fat geek, all right? I know what a zombie is.

396. I think Buddy and I are having very similar feelings.

397. The question is, who's gonna make the first move?

398. I'm thinking... it will be you.

399. Hm...

400. - Aren't you a little old for G.l. Joes? - That one's still wet.

401. No, it's fine. Jesus.

402. - You make these? - I combine them, mix and match.

403. That one... I took Copperhead's face, and I put it on Mongul's body,

404. so it's like a beefed-up Copperhead,

405. and then I added Doctor Mid-Nite's owl.

406. I was tired and drunk.

407. You ever make, like, girl dolls?

408. I'm not a weirdo.

409. I have to go check on something.

410. Oh, OK.

411. No, no, no. You need to come with me.

412. I think this is it.

413. You think, or you know?

414. This is definitely it. He drives a Jeep Liberty.

415. That's ironic... because he has no liberty.

416. You're fuckin' mentally ill.

417. - You see that window up there? - Yep.

418. I bet Buddy is awake...

419. jerking off or something.

420. Or perhaps he's caring for his infant daughter.

421. The baby, the baby.

422. The problem that has no name.

423. Can I help you find something?

424. Sure, I'm not having a ton of luck here.

425. - Is this something for work? - No, it's a special occasion.

426. It's not a formal occasion.

427. I'm looking for something chic, clean, but also a bit edgy.

428. OK. We have some adorable new dresses that just came in.

429. - Yeah, do you have Marc Jacobs? - No, I don't think we have that one.

430. I'm going to a rock concert with an old flame,

431. and I think there is a chance we may reconnect.

432. Let's show him what he's been missing.

433. No, he's seen me recently. He knows.

434. But his wife hasn't seen me in a while, so...

435. Well, it's the end of my shift,

436. and my son has to be picked up from school.

437. So I'm just gonna send over another associate.

438. She's up on all the trends.

439. Shawna!

440. Where are the Waverley Prep books?

441. They got their own display table right there.

442. Wow.

443. They must be really popular.

444. Actually, we just got a lot of surplus stock we're trying to clear out.

445. They were big a couple years ago,

446. but the computer says, "Do not shelve," so...

447. Hey, are you writing in there?

448. I'm the author. I'm just signing it.

449. You're Jane MacMurray'?

450. No. Jane MacMurray just created the series. I wrote the book.

451. Mavis Gary-Crane. See?

452. Do you know Jane MacMurray?

453. Yes, I know her really well.

454. - I wrote the book. - OK.

455. Do you want a signed copy for your store?

456. No, that's fine.

457. I can sign as many as you want. It adds value to your stock.

458. Yeah, but once merchandise is signed, we can't send it back to the publisher.

459. Why would you be sending it back to the publisher?

460. We're probably not gonna sell them.

461. The series is done.

462. Come on, I told you you can't write in the...

463. Whatever, book man.

464. Kendal Strickland never felt threatened.

465. If anything, she felt a deep sense of pity for this rebound girl.

466. Not in a competitive way. She wasn't the type to show off.

467. That said, she couldn't help her own popularity.

468. It wasn't her fault that one year she was nominated homecoming queen...

469. of a neighboring high school.

470. Yes, Kendal Strickland was attractive. That was obvious.

471. Other girls were so insecure,

472. stressing about their faces and their figures, not Kendal.

473. Hers was a gracious, effortless beauty that glowed from within.

474. However, being that beautiful could also be intimidating.

475. Some guys went for girls who were more ordinary.

476. How could Kendal make sure her own perfection wouldn't scare away Ryan...

477. the love of her life?

478. - What up? - Hey.

479. How are you?

480. - Ooh. How are you? - Good, good.

481. Here's that book for your niece.

482. Oh, yeah. Thanks for remembering. I'll send it to her.

483. There is a character in that one that's based on you.

484. - What? - In the book.

485. I mean, I named him Ashby, but it's so blatantly you.

486. - When you read it, it'll be obvious. - Hope he's cool.

487. We're not even supposed to do that.

488. We're supposed to stick to this character bible...

489. Hey.

490. - Nice to see you again. - Hey, babe.

491. You, too.

492. Oh...

493. There it is.

494. Adorable.

495. Thank you.

496. Aw...

497. You love it. You love it.

498. I'm gonna grab a beer. You want a drink?

499. Oh, just a water.

500. - Can you get me another summer ale? - Sure.

501. It's fine. I'll just pump and dump after the show.

502. Don't worry. I'm not trying to get my kid hammered.

503. Wow, look at that.

504. Ah, yes. The Funquarium. Always chills her out.

505. Yeah, yeah.

506. Yes, yes it does.

507. Oh, starting to get smiles.

508. Cute.

509. She's, like, Buddy's clone.

510. No. I see you in there.

511. - Really? - A lot of you, in fact.

512. - Thanks. - Here you go, ladies.

513. - Thank you. - Here you go.

514. So how's it going? I know you're a writer.

515. I saw a nice article about you in the Sun.

516. Yes, I'm an author of a young adult series.

517. It's disturbingly popular.

518. I like your decor.

519. Is it shabby chic?

520. Pier One?

521. A little bit Goodwill.

522. Buddy and I used to go thrifting all the time.

523. Remember that? The '90s?

524. Oh, my God, Beth. We had this huge silly T-shirt collection.

525. It was just, like, the dumbest thing ever.

526. - The '90s were awesome. - Yeah.

527. I used to sleep in his T-shirts and boxers.

528. I think I still have a few.

529. Hey. I still have one of my ex-boyfriend's T-shirts.

530. - I can't bring myself to get rid of it. - What?

531. - Which one? - Like I'd tell you.

532. What's the chart?

533. Uh... Oh.

534. - Beth teaches special needs kids. - Oh.

535. A lot of my kids learn emotions cognitively.

536. It doesn't come naturally to them the way it does for you and me.

537. So we need to show them "this is what happy looks like,"

538. "this is what anxious looks like," and so on.

539. What about neutral?

540. I mean, like, what if you don't feel anything?

541. That's kind of how they are a lot of the time.

542. So, yeah, don't need to teach it.

543. Oh, my God.

544. - Is that Mavis Gary'? - Yeah.

545. Can you believe it? She came here with Beth and Buddy.

546. Shots.

547. Psychotic prom queen bitch.

548. Really'?

549. Come on, tequila time.

550. Salt.

551. So... are they any good?

552. Yeah, they're all right.

553. Mm-hm. I knew it. They're horrible. I knew it.

554. - Well, they have a lot of fun. - Hm...

555. Hey, look. Freehauf's over there.

556. He's just always lurking, isn't he? So creepy. Look at his face.

557. He's so doughy. He's like a murderer.

558. Think he owns any clown suits?

559. - Oh, my God. You're terrible. - Come on.

560. - Dark. - No.

561. Hello, Mercury!

562. I'm Mary Ellen Trantowski.

563. We are Nipple Confusion.

564. Yeah.

565. Please be kind, as this is, um, only our second show.

566. And we all have small children at home.

567. Our first song is a cover.

568. This one goes out from our drummer, Beth,

569. to her sweetheart, Buddy.

570. Remember when we used to make out to this song?

571. Yeah.

572. Yeah, I think this song was playing the first time I went down on you.

573. - Huh? - The first time I went...

574. Uh-huh.

575. Oh! Wow.

576. I screwed up the fill so bad.

577. - Oh, my God. - I'm sorry, guys.

578. - You did suck a little bit. - Which one?

579. - That's OK, we still love you. - Guess.

580. - You guys were namazing. - Wait. Did you just say "namazing"?

581. - I think someone's had a few too many. - That's not fair.

582. Hardly.

583. It's so interesting to see you hanging around again, Mavis.

584. Mary Ellen, you were great tonight.

585. It's so inspiring to see a single mother with so much confidence on stage.

586. Really.

587. Beth, we gotta get home.

588. - We gotta relieve the babysitter. - No.

589. I wanna stay out just a little while longer.

590. Yeah, Buddy, you can't have her back tonight.

591. - Sorry. - I'll drive him home.

592. Really'?

593. Buddy, let Mavis drive you home, OK? I'm gonna stay out and celebrate.

594. - You sure? - Mmmm.

595. Have fun.

596. Thanks, Mavis.

597. Whoa!

598. Easy.

599. Tolerance has gone down since you knew me.

600. What do you mean, since I knew you?

601. - I still know you. Come here. - Yeah.

602. - Wait. - What?

603. Don't you have that babysitter till 11:00?

604. Yeah, but we can't go anywhere.

605. I know, we can't, but...

606. time is just so precious.

607. For real.

608. - It goes so fast. - I know.

609. Man, I really love my daughter, you know?

610. I know, I know.

611. I can tell you're a great father.

612. You're already going above and beyond in so many ways.

613. You stepped up to the plate, Buddy.

614. You do too much, even.

615. You think so?

616. Yes.

617. You're a good, good man, Buddy.

618. Don't ever shortchange yourself.

619. I thought I saw lights.

620. Hi, Daniel. Yep, I'm home.

621. Where's Beth?

622. She wanted to stay out and party all night.

623. Well, we're all out of breast milk, and she doesn't want her "nuk" any more.

624. I got it.

625. Good night, Buddy.

626. Good night.

627. Thank you. Yeah.

628. Wow.

629. - Take it easy there, killer. - I have depression.

630. OK, well, then, get some exercise. Take that poor dog of yours on a walk.

631. Why don't you walk, fat ass?

632. There's some low-hanging fruit.

633. You are low-hanging fruit.

634. - Oh, no. No. - What?

635. I hate this guy over here.

636. That's my cousin, Mike.

637. Mike Moran is your cousin?

638. Unfortunately.

639. Oh, here comes the happiest cripple in Minnesota.

640. - Mavis? - Mike.

641. What is up, girly-friend?

642. Holy shit, coz, this is such a rad surprise.

643. Yeah, I'm in town just for a little real estate thing.

644. - How are you? Yeah. - I'm great.

645. Kim and I just had our six-year anniversary.

646. Whoa, six years. What is that, wood? Porcelain?

647. - Strychnine? - Anyway, the kids are great.

648. Work is a trip, but I play hard too.

649. I've been doing a lot of rock climbing.

650. You mean rock crawling, right?

651. No, I'm vertical, bro, believe it or not.

652. We can do anything a normal can do.

653. Probably more, because we've had to reboot for extra positivity.

654. You know what I'm saying? You should try it, Matt.

655. - You should try it, Matt. - No.

656. I love the way this guy talks. He's like, "No."

657. I'm so glad you guys are buds. I can totally see it.

658. It's like Will & Grace.

659. - Aw, it is. - No, it isn't.

660. Look, I'm gonna roll back to my boys, but we should chat later.

661. I'll buy you a scotch or whatever you got there.

662. Love this place. Total time capsule, right?

663. When did he get that chair? Sophomore year?

664. Junior. Car wreck.

665. God, he got so much attention.

666. Yeah, he was the popular cripple. Practically ruined high school for me.

667. Please. That dick ruined my sweet 16, same weekend.

668. God, you are a piece of work.

669. You're a piece of shit.

670. You know there's stuff all over the Internet about how you're a cougar.

671. How I'm a cougar?

672. - I'm not even 30 years old. - You're a cougar.

673. I am turning 30 this year and I am freaked out.

674. It's pretty old.

675. Kim Kardashian channels her own inner cougar.

676. Fuck.

677. The kiss was electric, transformative, spiritual, enchanted.

678. It was like their first kiss all over again,

679. except now they knew exactly what they were doing.

680. I said, "Listen, Kyle, you're everything to me."

681. You're my sun, my moon, my galaxy. When are you going to get this?"

682. - And he's just not getting it, right? - Right.

683. I'm gonna have a...

684. Hey, you.

685. - Hey, how are you? - I'm great.

686. Last night was amazing.

687. Um, how much longer are you gonna be in town?

688. I'm here for you. How long do you need?

689. I was just wondering if you're still in town this weekend,

690. if you wanna come to the baby's naming ceremony.

691. It's this little hippy thing we're doing out in the yard.

692. It's not religious or anything...

693. - I would love to come. - Cool, all right.

694. Um... Saturday at the house, around 1:00.

695. - Great, I can't wait to see you. - Great.

696. Hey, Mom.

697. Were you even gonna say hello?

698. It's been so long, I almost forgot what you look like.

699. I wasn't avoiding you, Mom. OK? I was planning on calling.

700. Why didn't you just come and stay with us?

701. Because I needed a quiet place to write.

702. You have no idea. I have tons and tons of work to catch up on.

703. Books still selling well?

704. It's like I can hardly keep up.

705. Is that the money you used to invest in local real estate?

706. Huh?

707. I heard you were here to work on some kind of real estate transaction.

708. I was just surprised you didn't use Aunt Lena as your broker.

709. She's a little hurt.

710. - Honey? - Huh?

711. - Look what I found. - What?

712. - Welcome home. - Thanks.

713. Our little real estate tycoon, huh?

714. Oh, I don't know about that.

715. Who's this?

716. - This is Dolchie. - Oh, OK.

717. - Dolce. - Hello.

718. I hope you're eating enough in the city.

719. You gotta start taking care of yourself, sweetie.

720. You know, a Lean Cuisine is not a meal.

721. Yeah, I think I might be an alcoholic.

722. Very funny.

723. - You're not still pulling it, are you? - Stop, Dad.

724. It's just that your hair is so beautiful.

725. You know what, Mom? Can you please take down that photo of me and Allen?

726. Which picture, sweetie?

727. The wedding photo. We are divorced.

728. We just thought it was a nice memory.

729. Of my failed marriage?

730. Well, the wedding wasn't a failure.

731. - Remember the tiramisu? - I liked that Allen.

732. Dad, he's my ex-husband. You're supposed to be on my team.

733. He's a nice guy, that's all. I didn't know there were teams.

734. Have you seen any old friends on this visit?

735. Actually...

736. I've been seeing quite a bit of Buddy.

737. Oh, the old beau, huh?

738. I remember you kids were so cute in high school.

739. It's funny how those initial instincts can be so right, you know?

740. I mean, you make all these mistakes along the way,

741. but the world will make sure you end up with the person you're meant to be with.

742. It's good to keep those people in your life.

743. The people who really know you best.

744. Mmmm.

745. And that new baby of his is just darling.

746. Have you seen it? Up close?

747. I suppose.

748. Is everything OK?

749. I'm sure it will be fine. It's probably too soon to tell.

750. It's just that Buddy used to say that...

751. we would make the cutest little babies, ever.

752. Hey, did you guys ever sell my Cabriolet?

753. Yeah! Sweet ride.

754. What is that, a drop-top?

755. I just saw my mother and father.

756. Oh, heavy. How are they?

757. Horrible. God, I've been through a lot.

758. - Wanna get hammered? - Why do you think I'm here?

759. Come on. Let's hit the woods in the back of the school.

760. - And grab some of that Star Wars juice. - That's a limited...

761. - Come on! - Fine.

762. Could you walk any slower?

763. Our school is so ugly.

764. It looks like a factory.

765. It actually used to be a rubber fabrication plant back in the '20s.

766. You know everything.

767. These woods were like Hump City back in the day.

768. I remember being back here with a few different guys.

769. I never knew you were such a slut.

770. I was normal.

771. Uh... So how are things with old Buddy, huh?

772. How's the master plan unfolding?

773. Well, actually, he called me today

774. and asked me if I wanted to participate in his baby's naming ceremony.

775. I don't know.

776. There's still so much that's unspoken, but...

777. he's involving me in his child's life.

778. Buddy is a married man.

779. By all accounts, happily.

780. Yeah, happily married men go to bars alone

781. with their ex-girlfriends all the time.

782. They call them privately, and they make out with them on porches.

783. - He did not make out with you. - You weren't there.

784. We made out. It was intense and passionate.

785. He gave me his sweatshirt.

786. Yes, I noticed. They probably noticed in space.

787. And FYI, you look completely insane wearing it.

788. Look, I don't know what Buddy's doing with you,

789. or what you think he's doing with you, but you need to move on.

790. You're one to talk.

791. All you care about is some scuffle that happened 20 years ago.

792. You lean on that crutch, and you lean on excuses,

793. and you and I both know you use this whole thing

794. as an excuse to do absolutely nothing with your life.

795. "Scuffle."

796. You don't know shit about what happened to me.

797. OK? Those jocks you used to blow during lunch...

798. they shattered my legs,

799. bashed in my brains,

800. mangled my cock,

801. so that I have to piss and cum sideways for the rest of my life.

802. Then they left me for dead.

803. You know, things aren't too great down south.

804. I can barely get off by myself, let alone with another person.

805. You know, what's done is done.

806. You can't keep dwelling on the past, Matt.

807. Are you fucking kidding?

808. Talk about dwelling in the past.

809. Here you are back in Mercury, like a loser,

810. trying to score with a happily married man.

811. Buddy's not happy, OK? So just stop saying that.

812. You're hardly the authority on happiness, Sylvia.

813. You know what, Matt?

814. It really is a shame that you're like this,

815. because if you had a good personality,

816. none of this other stuff would bother people.

817. Why don't you use my crutch again as a metaphor?

818. That was brilliant. That was masterful.

819. Or no, save it for your little teenage stories,

820. because God knows you don't know shit about being an adult!

821. It wasn't the first time Kendal Strickland was let down.

822. For all the good they did, beauty and popularity didn't inspire much loyalty.

823. Would it be nice to have peers? Friends she could respect?

824. Sure, but Kendal knew the lone march of being special a little too well.

825. She was used to blazing her own trail.

826. It was obvious that Ryan still loved her, crystal clear.

827. And perhaps that was unfair to his new girlfriend,

828. but Kendal Strickland was going to think about herself for a change.

829. Who was taking care of Kendal?

830. And on the subject of fair...

831. Was it fair that people misjudged Kendal's intelligence

832. just because she was so beautiful?

833. Was it fair everyone thought her life was so easy, when it was anything but?

834. No. Life wasn't fair,

835. and it was up to Kendal to step in and make things right.

836. Sometimes in order to heal, a few people have to get hurt.

837. "Pressure Drop"

838. Hi, Jan.

839. Oh, hi.

840. Wow, really been a long time.

841. I know. I've been a really busy girl.

842. Yeah, I've heard that.

843. Buddy's been very busy, and Bethie.

844. - Finally a grandmother. - Oh, speak of the devil.

845. - Hi! - Hey, how are you?

846. Wow. How are you doing?

847. Mm. I'm good.

848. - Good. - I brought presents.

849. Oh, thank you.

850. - Burp cloths. - Can't have enough pukers.

851. - Oh, hey, Mom? - Yes?

852. Can you help Beth with that endive thing?

853. - Yeah, Grandma to the rescue. - Can we talk?

854. Uh, yeah. Ooh!

855. Are you having fun? Are you having fun? Get out of here, Carter-bug.

856. I think we should talk privately.

857. Sure, yeah. Um...

858. Here, follow me.

859. OK.

860. OK, so what's going on?

861. There are so many things I know we both wanna say.

862. OK, well, we don't have to say them all now.

863. I gotta get Beth's gift ready. I got her a drum set.

864. You're so thoughtful, even during all this.

865. Well, hey, she pushed it out.

866. I just want you to know that I'm feeling everything that you're feeling.

867. Buddy, these last few days have been some of the best in my life.

868. They have?

869. You don't have to pretend.

870. I know what's in here...

871. and I know what's in here.

872. Buddy... you're my moon, my stars.

873. You're my whole galaxy.

874. Mavis! What are you doing?

875. OK.

876. You don't have to be afraid. It's OK.

877. You can come to the city with me, like we always planned.

878. What the hell are you talking about?

879. We can work this out. You know we can. We can handle this like adults.

880. - Mavis, I'm a married man. - I know. We can beat this together.

881. You're better than this.

882. I have to go.

883. I think you should leave.

884. Hey, look who's up.

885. Hey, let me take her.

886. Let me... Come here.

887. There you are.

888. There you are. Oh...

889. Can you do me a favor?

890. We need everybody outside.

891. - I wanna get Beth's gift ready. - Yeah.

892. Those are delicious.

893. Hey, listen up, everyone!

894. I think Buddy has a little surprise for Beth,

895. so if you could all just come outside and gather around the garage.

896. Come on, let's go.

897. Mavis?

898. - What? - Are you OK?

899. I'll be fine if I can get a real drink around here.

900. Uh... There's some right here. Thanks, Uncle Bob.

901. You know what?

902. Oh, my God.

903. Uh... I'll...

904. - I'll get some... - Fuck you.

905. Fuck you!

906. You fucking bitch.

907. Oh, my God.

908. You should see your face.

909. It's a joke.

910. Are you just gonna stand there like a big lump?

911. I love your sweater.

912. I'll get you a rag.

913. Go get me a rag, 'cause you got so many of those lying around here.

914. Fuckin' burp cloths, whatever.

915. You know, the funny thing is,

916. I could have had this party a long time ago.

917. This exact same party. Yeah.

918. Buddy and I were together for four years,

919. and we were inseparable. Jan knows.

920. Right, Jan? Tell them!

921. - You want to clean up? - No, don't bother.

922. It is silk. It's fucked.

923. Mavis, sweetheart.

924. Mother, I'm trying to tell a story here.

925. Yeah, Buddy got me pregnant at 20.

926. And we were gonna keep it!

927. Mm-hm. We were gonna have a little baby,

928. and a little naming party,

929. and a Funquarium, and all of that.

930. And then 12 weeks into it...

931. Well, I had Buddy's miscarriage.

932. Which I wouldn't wish for anyone.

933. Maybe if things were just a little bit more hospitable

934. down south in my broken body,

935. Buddy and I would be here right now with a teenager,

936. and probably even more kids,

937. because we always found each other. Always!

938. Right, Jan? Tell them!

939. What the fuck?

940. It's a new drum set for Beth.

941. What's wrong?

942. - Nothing. - What do you mean, nothing?

943. My God! What is wrong with you?

944. Are you like one of those little kids

945. who need a fucking chart to learn feelings?

946. Stand up for yourself! Why are you covering for me?

947. That's enough, Mavis. You're drunk.

948. Oh, I've been drunk since I've been back, Mom,

949. and nobody gave two shits until this one got all bent out of shape.

950. - Mavis, what the hell is going on? - Why did you invite me?

951. I didn't invite you. My wife did.

952. Beth practically forced me to call you. She feels sorry for you.

953. We all do, Mavis.

954. It's obvious you're having some mental sickness,

955. some depression.

956. You're very lonely and confused.

957. So Beth made me invite you here, even though I knew it was a mistake.

958. I knew it.

959. You're lying.

960. He's not.

961. Well. What about now?

962. You hate me now?

963. Hm?

964. 'Cause it should be easy, 'cause I fucking hate you.

965. Look at you. What is wrong with you people?

966. Mavis, honey.

967. You know, I came back for you. For you!

968. And I hate this town!

969. It's a hick, lake town that smells of fish shit!

970. But I came back.

971. I just wanted you to know that.

972. I screwed up.

973. - I screwed up so bad. - Where have you been?

974. You're scaring me.

975. I'm crazy.

976. And no one loves me.

977. You don't love me.

978. Guys like me...

979. are born loving women like you.

980. I went to Buddy's house.

981. What happened?

982. I ruined my dress.

983. Um... I'll get you...

984. I'll get you a shirt.

985. No, I want yours.

986. You want the shirt I'm wearing?

987. Hide me.

988. It's OK.

989. It's OK.

990. Why Buddy'?

991. He's a good man. He's kind.

992. Are other men unkind?

993. He knew me when I was at my best.

994. You weren't at your best then, Mavis.

995. Not then.

996. You know, I saw you every day.

997. You had this little mirror in your locker,

998. shaped like a heart...

999. and you looked in that mirror more than you ever looked at me,

1000. and I was at my best.

1001. Good morning.

1002. Hi.

1003. Coffee?

1004. Sure.

1005. Do you still write those books?

1006. No.

1007. The series is over. It got cancelled.

1008. I'm actually writing the last one right now.

1009. What happens?

1010. I don't know.

1011. Hey, do you know this girl named Beth?

1012. She married Buddy Slade from school.

1013. Um, yeah. I know that Beth.

1014. What do you think of her?

1015. Um...

1016. I... I...

1017. I don't really like her.

1018. I mean, I think that you're way prettier than she is.

1019. What happened to your dress?

1020. I'm sorry. Did I say something wrong?

1021. Shit.

1022. What's wrong? What did I say'?

1023. I have a lot of problems.

1024. Can't you get a new dress?

1025. It's really difficult for me to be happy...

1026. and then for other people,

1027. it just seems so simple.

1028. I know.

1029. They just grow up, and they're so... fulfilled.

1030. I don't feel fulfilled.

1031. - Well... - And frankly,

1032. if you don't feel fulfilled with all the stuff that you have...

1033. I need to change, Sandra.

1034. - No, you don't. - What?

1035. You're the only person in Mercury who could write a book,

1036. or wear a dress like that.

1037. I'm sure there's plenty of other people who could...

1038. Everyone here is fat and dumb.

1039. Don't say that.

1040. I mean, you think so?

1041. Everyone wishes that they could be like you.

1042. You know, living in the big city,

1043. all famous and beautiful and all that.

1044. I'm not really famous.

1045. Well, you know, special or whatever.

1046. I mean, some days, when I have a slow shift at work,

1047. I'll sit and think about you,

1048. living in your cool apartment, going out and stuff.

1049. It seems really nice.

1050. Yeah. But...

1051. Most people here seem so happy with so little.

1052. It's like they don't even seem to care what happens to them.

1053. That's because it doesn't matter what happens to them.

1054. They're nothing.

1055. Might as well die.

1056. Fuck Mercury.

1057. Thank you.

1058. I needed that.

1059. You're right.

1060. This place blows.

1061. I need to get back to Minneapolis.

1062. Take me with you.

1063. Excuse me?

1064. Take me with you.

1065. You know, to the Mini Apple.

1066. You're good here, Sandra.

1067. Oh.

1068. Dolce.

1069. I'm so sorry.

1070. My baby. Come here.

1071. Graduation turned out to be a bittersweet ceremony for Kendal.

1072. While honored to be the valedictorian of her class,

1073. there was an unmistakable air of sadness

1074. over the sudden death of Ryan Ashby.

1075. Who could have imagined when Ryan and his girlfriend set sail that day,

1076. it would be the last time anyone ever saw them?

1077. Good boy.

1078. Poor Ryan...

1079. Lost at sea.

1080. They don't need those back.

1081. You can put them in a scrapbook, or whatever.

1082. Just so you know, those doughnuts are for Honors Members only.

1083. Kendal felt the weight of her high school years lifting off of her

1084. as she emptied out her locker.

1085. Sure, she'd think about Waverley from time to time.

1086. Cheer squad, the debate team,

1087. sneaking into the woods for a drink after class.

1088. But her best years were still ahead of her.

1089. Kendal Strickland was ready for the world.

1090. It was time to look to the future.

1091. A new chapter.

1092. As she boarded the train for Cambridge,

1093. she took one last look at her small town and blew it a kiss...

1094. thinking, "Life, here I come."