- 1. No.
- 2. No means no.
- 3. Bonjour.
- 4. Carl, I know it's you.
- 5. Oh. Hey, man.
- 6. I was just about to call you.
That's so weird.
- 7. Had your number dialed,
was about to press "send."
- 8. Did you block your number?
- 9. Yeah, I did. You never answer
when I don't.
- 10. So, what are you doing?
- 11. Oh, just hanging out in my apartment.
- 12. - You did get my text, right?
- What? Text? What?
- 13. We're all going out tonight.
- 14. Man, that sounds great.
I wish I could join you.
- 15. I'm just so jammed up.
- 16. I'm totally off the grid,
- 17. No, I don't at all.
- 18. I got a bunch of stuff going on.
There's this thing I gotta do.
- 19. Any other night would've been great.
Darn it to heck.
- 20. Thing? What thing?
- 21. Thing, you know, just a thing.
- 22. If I had my thing in front of me,
I could tell you what it is...
- 23. - but I know there's a thing.
- A thing.
- 24. I don't think there's anything
written down in your fake calendar.
- 25. No, it says specific things.
- 26. Specific things.
Like "get in line at the video store"?
- 27. What? What are you talking about?
- 28. I'm not at the video store.
I'm in my apartment.
- 29. I can see you, Carl.
I'm outside the video store.
- 30. - That's not me.
- It's not?
- 31. Oh, I know what's happening.
There is this guy who looks just like me...
- 32. who goes to a lot of
the same stores I do.
- 33. That's probably who you're seeing.
- 34. Wow, that's amazing...
- 35. because his mouth is moving
in sync with what you're saying.
- 36. Carl, I know you're not saying anything.
- 37. Carl, get outside.
I know you're not talking.
- 38. - What? All right.
- 39. - Look who's here.
- Hey. You.
- 40. Hi.
- 41. - I don't believe it.
- 42. Carl Allen.
Never thought I'd see the day, my man.
- 43. - Hey.
- Thought you hung up the spurs, cowboy.
- 44. No, I just got a lot of stuff going on...
- 45. some things I gotta do, issues pending,
keep me pretty busy.
- 46. Yeah? Oh, I hear you, player.
- 47. So we are really excited
for you to be here, Carl...
- 48. because we have an announcement
- 49. Honey, show him.
- 50. There it is. Deal with it.
- 51. We're engaged.
- 52. - Oh, my God. Come on.
- 53. - Big step, huh?
- Yeah, it's a big step. It's a huge one.
- 54. Man. Moving fast. That's okay.
- 55. What has it been, six months?
- 56. - No.
- Two years.
- 57. Oh, yeah. That's about right, then.
- 58. So anyway, we're gonna have
an engagement party on the 21 st. Open bar.
- 59. Oh, you bastard.
Always knows how to get me.
- 60. Nice. Carl, does that work for you?
- 61. - Yeah, we'll figure it out.
- What's there to figure out?
- 62. Oh, God, look who's here.
- 63. I'm not falling for that, Carl.
What's to figure out?
- 64. - Open bar. What's the problem?
- I'm serious. Stephanie's at the bar.
- 65. - The Stephanie?
- Yes, my ex-wife. She's at the bar.
- 66. Oh, God, that is Stephanie.
- 67. - Looks like she's with someone there too.
- They seem to be thriving. Good for her.
- 68. They're touching each other's genitals.
Isn't that amazing?
- 69. I'm so glad I came out. Love it.
Okay, you know what? I gotta go.
- 70. - No. No. Carl, you're gonna stay.
- 71. It's been years.
You leave every time she comes.
- 72. Totally unrelated. It has nothing
to do with Stephanie.
- 73. Carl. Peter.
- 74. - Rooney.
- Stephanie, guys.
- 75. Hey.
- 76. - My boyfriend, Ted.
- 77. - I don't believe we...
- No, I don't believe we have.
- 78. - You're leaving?
- Yeah, unfortunately.
- 79. Terrible timing too,
because you just got here.
- 80. You just got here, too, Carl.
- 81. Yeah, but he's got a thing.
- 82. Yeah, that's a thing. There's a thing,
and there's no time.
- 83. There's a time crunch,
and time is of the essence.
- 84. Anyway, I am gone-orrhea.
- 85. Wow. That didn't sound quite right.
- 86. Whoa!
- 87. See you, guys.
- 88. - Oh! Hi, Tillie.
- Morning, Carl.
- 89. Would you like to come over
for a little breakfast?
- 90. Gee, that sounds great, but I can't.
- 91. - Some cereal, a little yogurt?
- Yeah, no.
- 92. How about some toast, huh?
- 93. You know, I have to go to work,
- 94. Good show tonight.
Come check us out.
- 95. Your loss. Hey, man,
wanna rock out tonight?
- 96. - Oh, it's you. Let me guess, no?
- 97. - Yes?
- No, I meant yes to your no.
- 98. Yeah, bye.
- 99. Persianwifefinder.com.
No, thank you.
- 100. Costume party. Yeah, no.
- 101. Oh, boy.
- 102. Here we go.
- 103. - Carl Allen has reported for duty.
- I'm not a soldier, Norman.
- 104. You're a soldier on the front line
- 105. Norman. Line one.
- 106. Did you wanna get that?
In the privacy of your office?
- 107. - I'll just get it here.
- Yeah, or that.
- 108. You're with Norman.
- 109. Uh-huh. Are you sure? Because...
Okay. Yep. Whatever you say.
- 110. Okay.
- 111. Remember that promotion
we were talking about?
- 112. - Yeah.
- It's not gonna happen.
- 113. Tried to fight for you on the phone there.
- 114. It was between you and Demko,
and they went with Demko.
- 115. I don't care.
I didn't really want the job badly.
- 116. I just figured after five years,
I'd be the logical choice, but whatever.
- 117. Look at it this way:
At least you didn't get shit-canned.
- 118. - Do you know what that means?
- 119. How did you know what that meant?
Have you heard me say that before?
- 120. No, it's a pretty common expression.
- 121. - In my circles. I made it up.
- Well, it's catching on.
- 122. This'll cheer you up.
I'm having a little get-together at my place.
- 123. - It's a funny hat and-or wig party.
- Oh, man.
- 124. Sucks I'm gonna be out of town.
- 125. - You don't know what day it is.
- When is it?
- 126. - Friday.
- I'm out of town.
- 127. You spoke at the same time
I did just then.
- 128. Like you were committed
to saying what you were saying...
- 129. - regardless of what I was gonna say.
- 130. I admit, business has been slow.
- 131. There's a lot less demand
for a small Rollerblade shop...
- 132. what with Big 5
and Sport Chalet...
- 133. but my designs are gonna
revolutionize the roller industry.
- 134. I know that, Marv,
but you have no equity.
- 135. - None.
- And your credit...
- 136. Bad, but I don't wanna
- 137. - Yeah.
- I have no other options left.
- 138. Carl. Hey. Long time no see.
- 139. Nick Lane? Hey.
- 140. - You don't still work at the bank, do you?
- 141. Kind of why I'm sitting outside here,
eating my lunch, wearing the nametag.
- 142. You must be running this place by now.
- 143. I could have. Had a couple offers.
Didn't wanna get tied down.
- 144. - How's Stephanie?
- 145. God.
- 146. She's good. What have you been doing?
- 147. I've been all over the map, man.
- 148. I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro.
I ate bat in Laos.
- 149. I shot a cow with a bazooka.
- 150. I'm not proud of that last one,
but I did it, man.
- 151. - Sounds wild.
- Wanna know my secret?
- 152. I'm a yes man.
- 153. The word "yes"
has changed my life. Here.
- 154. No, thanks. I'm fine.
- 155. "Fine?" I wipe my ass with "fine."
- 156. Wow. Okay.
- 157. - You don't wanna work here, Carl.
- Yeah, I do.
- 158. No, you don't.
- 159. Why don't you take this rock...
- 160. throw it at that bank
and shatter the window?
- 161. - No, thanks.
- Then ask me if I want to.
- 162. - Do you wanna throw that rock at the bank?
- 163. Oh, my God.
- 164. - What are you, nuts?
- Go to the seminar, Carl.
- 165. Stay right there.
- 166. - He's gonna break.
- 167. Carl, live your life!
You won't regret it.
- 168. - Whoo!
- Hey, stop. Stop!
- 169. - I know you wanna see my band.
- 170. Sorry.
- 171. - Hello?
- 172. - Carl.
- Yeah, it's me.
- 173. Just felt like calling you.
I was missing you, I guess. Weird, huh?
- 174. Yes, Carl. I have to go.
- 175. - Ted and I are taking a little boat ride.
- Oh, that's great.
- 176. Good for you. Good for you.
- 177. Jesus, Pete. I'm not in or I'm busy.
- 178. Oh, come on. You're halfway through,
just snap it off already.
- 179. - Pete? Hey. Where you been?
- You not been getting my calls?
- 180. What? God, no.
Oh, I totally lost my phone.
- 181. You're so full of shit.
- 182. - Here it is.
- Yeah. There it is.
- 183. You know what, buddy?
You missed my engagement party tonight.
- 184. Oh, no. Oh, shoot, you're kidding.
That was tonight?
- 185. - Mm-hm.
- I'm so sorry, man. I totally gapped it.
- 186. Listen, I'll make it up to you.
I promise. I swear.
- 187. You pick the day. Any day you want,
we'll go out, swashbuckle.
- 188. - What does that even mean?
- I don't know.
- 189. This wasn't drinks at a bar, Carl.
This was my engagement party.
- 190. - You only get married once.
- I certainly wouldn't do it again.
- 191. I know, Carl.
I know that Stephanie left you.
- 192. And I know that you have issues because
of it, but this isn't about you. It's about me.
- 193. When's the last time you did anything fun?
You always make excuses.
- 194. "I don't wanna commit.
I don't wanna be tied down."
- 195. I mean, do you even know
my fiancee's last name?
- 196. Yeah. Fisher. Fishman.
- 197. - Wait. Fishwall?
- 198. - You think her name's Lucy Fishwall?
- No? That's wrong?
- 199. - It's Burns.
- 200. It's Lucy Burns, Carl.
- 201. And guess what?
She doesn't like my best friend.
- 202. I keep trying to think of reasons
why she should, but you know what?
- 203. - I can't think of any.
- Pete, I...
- 204. I don't wanna hear another excuse, Carl.
You do whatever you want.
- 205. I'm telling you, you don't change your life,
you're gonna end up Ionely.
- 206. A Ionely guy, Carl. Lonely guy.
- 207. Hey, Carl.
- 208. Hey, Rooney, come here for a second.
- 209. Carl look a little odd to you? Is it me,
or does it look like he's kind of dead?
- 210. Nope. No more than usual.
- 211. I don't know. I'm kind of leaning towards
thinking he might actually be dead.
- 212. I guess I never saw him a lot,
so it's hard for me to tell the difference.
- 213. Yeah, that's true.
- 214. He never did much.
- 215. - Wasn't a good friend.
- 216. Wasn't a good anything.
- 217. - Are there more beers in the fridge?
- Sorry, last one.
- 218. Now, that's upsetting.
- 219. What was that?
- 220. Welcome to yes.
We are about to begin.
- 221. Please, find a seat.
- 222. Carl? Hey, Carl! Psst!
- 223. Carl, man, hey.
- 224. - Carl.
- Hey, Nick.
- 225. - You made it, man.
- Did you wanna...
- 226. Sure, let me sit down.
I knew you'd come.
- 227. I saw it in your eyes, man.
You're gonna love this. Terrence is a genius.
- 228. He's gonna blow your mind all over
the room. He's like a mind grenade.
- 229. - I'm not sure I want that.
- Yeah, but you need it.
- 230. That's why you're here.
- 231. You have got to start saying yes, my man,
and I mean to everything.
- 232. It's starting.
- 233. Life.
- 234. We are all living it. Or are we?
- 235. Ooh, heavy.
- 236. Change is generated from consciousness,
but where is consciousness generated from?
- 237. From the external.
- 238. And how do we control the external?
With one word.
- 239. And what is that word?
- 240. - Yes!
- 241. Yes.
- 242. Yes.
- 243. - Yes, yes, yes!
- Yes. Yes!
- 244. - Yes!
- 245. The word is "yes."
- 246. Yes, yes, yes.
- 247. - Say it a million times.
- 248. Say it a million more times.
- 249. And the word you will have said
2 million times is:
- 250. Yes!
- 251. Yes.
- 252. I want you to invite yes into your lives...
- 253. because it will RSVP "yes."
- 254. When you say yes to things,
you embrace the possible.
- 255. You gobble up all of life's energies,
and you excrete the waste.
- 256. Before we begin today,
I'd like to welcome our new members.
- 257. - Who among you is new?
- He is. This guy right here. He's new.
- 258. - Over here.
- Please don't. Jesus.
- 259. - Come on up, future yes man.
- That's okay, I'm just auditing.
- 260. You can't audit life, my friend.
Now get on up here.
- 261. - No, thanks. I'm cool.
- I'm sorry? What was that you said?
- 262. - I said, I'm cool.
- Before that.
- 263. Thank you.
- 264. Back up just a little bit more.
- 265. - No.
- No man. No man.
- 266. No man. No man. No man.
- 267. No man. No man.
- 268. Okay.
- 269. If the molehill won't come to Terrence...
- 270. Terrence will come to the molehill.
- 271. What's your name?
- 272. Carl.
- 273. Let me guess, Carl.
- 274. Someone talked you
into coming here today, didn't they?
- 275. - Yes.
- 276. And you're not sure about this, are you?
- 277. No.
- 278. No man. No man.
No man. No man.
- 279. You're dead, Carl.
- 280. You say no to life,
and therefore you're not living.
- 281. You make up excuses
to the people around you...
- 282. and to yourself.
- 283. You're stuck in the same dead-end job.
You have been for years.
- 284. You don't have a girlfriend. You don't
have anything close to a girlfriend.
- 285. And you lost the love of your life...
- 286. because she couldn't be with someone
who didn't live theirs.
- 287. And on most nights you're so bored
and filled with ennui...
- 288. you can't even summon the enthusiasm
necessary to masturbate.
- 289. Am I right, Carl?
- 290. I have had some trouble.
- 291. - We're gonna make a covenant, Carl.
- 292. - Do you want to make a covenant?
- 293. The word is "yes," Carl.
- 294. - Yes!
- 295. - Yes!
- 296. Yes!
- 297. Once you leave this building...
- 298. every time an opportunity
- 299. no matter what it is...
- 300. you will say yes.
- 301. - Yes.
- 302. - Yes.
- 303. - Yes.
- 304. What if I...
- 305. say
- 306. the other word?
- 307. You'll be making a promise to yourself.
- 308. And when you break a promise
- 309. things can get a little dicey.
- 310. What do you say, Carl?
- 311. Are you ready to make a covenant?
- 312. - Come on, Carl.
- 313. - Yes.
- 314. - Yes.
- 315. - Yes.
- 316. - Say it again.
- 317. - Make me believe it.
- Yes, yes, yes.
- 318. Yes!
- 319. Hey, there he is.
- 320. - That was really wonderful.
- Thank you.
- 321. Pretty powerful stuff, huh?
- 322. - Hey. Good to have you with us.
- 323. - So are you gonna do it?
- I don't know. Maybe.
- 324. That's weird. I didn't realize
we just stepped out of a "maybe" seminar.
- 325. Hey, man. That's a nice car.
- 326. Could you drive me to Elysian Park?
- 327. Oh. Ugh...
- 328. Yes!
- 329. Sure he can. Right, Carl?
- 330. Yeah, why not?
- 331. Yes. You won't regret this, Carl.
- 332. - Can I use your phone?
- Go, man, go.
- 333. Keep going or this'll do,
because it doesn't really matter?
- 334. Yeah, hold on a sec,
I can't hear myself think.
- 335. It's just a little further, man.
Just right up the hill there.
- 336. Go ahead.
- 337. And what did you say?
- 338. Oh, I'm just right
over here. Okay. Yeah.
- 339. What? Hello? Hello?
- 340. Oh, shit, man. Your battery's dead.
- 341. Oh, great.
- 342. - Thanks.
- Well, gracias, amigo.
- 343. I mean, it's real nice of you
to give me a ride. Most people just say no.
- 344. Course, I have been having a lot of luck
lately outside of that hotel.
- 345. No problem. Have a good night.
- 346. Can I borrow a couple bucks?
- 347. Okay.
- 348. I've come this far.
- 349. Yes, you can.
- 350. You got a whole lot there.
Can I have it all?
- 351. Sure. It's all yours.
- 352. God bless you, man.
- 353. Oh, come on.
- 354. Come on, come on.
- 355. Perfect.
- 356. Hey, Carl. Do you wanna give
all your money away to a homeless guy?
- 357. Yes, yes, I do.
- 358. Letting him
burn out your phone...
- 359. so you can't call AAA
when you run out of gas?
- 360. That sounds like a fucking great idea!
- 361. Why don't you take a stroll
through the hills...
- 362. and get killed by the Manson family?
Don't mind if I do.
- 363. Come on, man.
- 364. Yes. Since that's my only fucking option.
- 365. Would you like to carry a 20-pound
container of gas up a giant hill to your car?
- 366. Oh, could I? Could I really?
- 367. That's a good look.
- 368. - Hi. Did you just take my picture?
- 369. Did you just run out of gas?
- 370. Maybe.
- 371. That sucks.
That happened to me last week.
- 372. When you were driving
out of your way...
- 373. to drop off a homeless guy who wore out
your battery so you couldn't call AAA?
- 374. No. I take it
that's what happened to you.
- 375. No. Why would you assume that?
- 376. He used up your phone?
- 377. Yeah. Apparently he was the most popular
homeless man on the planet.
- 378. He was staying connected.
It was good to see.
- 379. I'm just glad that I could
be a part of it, really.
- 380. - That must feel good.
- Oh, truly, truly.
- 381. Yeah. And I'm getting some exercise,
which is cool.
- 382. Well, do you need a ride?
- 383. On that thing?
- 384. Am I going too fast for you?
- 385. No. In fact, I think you should go faster.
- 386. That way if we crash, at least I'll die.
- 387. I just don't wanna
be kept alive artificially.
- 388. - What are you doing?
- I'm taking a picture. Smile.
- 389. - I can't see. I'm blind.
- Me too. Isn't it great? Whoo!
- 390. Yeah, that's getting it good. Yep.
- 391. - Well, thanks again for the ride.
- No problem.
- 392. Hopefully the color will return
to your face sometime soon.
- 393. - I'm more of a four-wheel kind of guy.
- 394. I never would've guessed that.
You seemed so at ease on two.
- 395. - Can I have my helmet back now?
- I'm still wearing it, aren't I?
- 396. Yeah.
- 397. Thanks.
- 398. So you okay?
- 399. Yeah, I'm good, unless you wanna
stick around and make out.
- 400. - What?
- What did you say?
- 401. Hey, I...
- 402. Have a good night.
- 403. Yes.
- 404. "Yes always leads
to something good.
- 405. Never avoid opportunities.
- 406. They may come in any form."
- 407. - Hello?
- Carl, it's your buddy Norman.
- 408. Well, and your boss, but more your buddy
than your boss, right?
- 409. I guess.
- 410. So look, we're kind of short
on Saturday staff.
- 411. Is there any way you could come in?
- 412. Sure.
- 413. Nothing I like better than the inside
of a bank on a beautiful Saturday.
- 414. Yeah. Yeah, there really is something
magical about this place.
- 415. Would I like to increase the size
of my penis?
- 416. Right.
- 417. Like I need that.
- 418. - Persian wifefinder.
- Hi there. I am Faranoush.
- 419. Would you be the man for me?
- 420. I guess so.
- 421. Excuse me. I'd like to apply
for a small-business loan.
- 422. And what's your business?
- 423. I bake cakes in the shape
of different celebrities' faces.
- 424. - Oh, wow, Mickey Rourke.
- No. It's Bono.
- 425. Oh. Yeah, right.
- 426. Let's hope it doesn't taste
like Mickey Rourke.
- 427. So, what do you think?
- 428. I think yes.
- 429. Inta-maresting.
- 430. Cakes, huh?
- 431. Yeah. I just kind of went with my gut
on it, Norm.
- 432. - You called me Norm.
- 433. - Could that, like, be my nickname?
- Yeah. I guess.
- 434. Oh, nice. I like your style.
Car. That could be yours.
- 435. Yeah. Carl's pretty short already, but...
- 436. But it's the kind of dazzle
we need around here.
- 437. - Yeah.
- And you know what I did?
- 438. What?
- 439. That Demko thing really chapped my ass.
I marched upstairs and I told the big guns:
- 440. "Carl gets promoted in lieu of Demko,
or along with Demko...
- 441. whichever, or I walk."
- 442. Really? What did they say?
- 443. Well, they were quite attracted to the me
walking option, you know, for a moment.
- 444. - But then I threw that off the table.
- Good move.
- 445. And they said if you started to show
some initiative, I could promote you.
- 446. And?
- 447. - Well, you're doing it.
- 448. - Yeah, the whole cake thing.
- 449. - You're making up nicknames.
- 450. Know what?
I called Demko this morning...
- 451. to ask if he could work,
and know what he said?
- 452. - No.
- How did you know that?
- 453. He's not here.
- 454. - Yeah, but you are, Car.
- 455. And that's why I'm gonna
give the job to you.
- 456. Norm, that's amazing.
Oh, my God. Thank you.
- 457. Nice little raise in it for you too.
Bump up your salary to 65.
- 458. - Thousand?
- Of course, thousand.
- 459. Come on, let's step this thing
up a notch, Broseph.
- 460. See what I did there?
- 461. I joined "bro" with "Joseph." Broseph.
Pretty cool, huh?
- 462. Very cool, Norm.
- 463. I have been such a dick and a douche.
- 464. More of a douche
than a dick, probably...
- 465. but I'm sorry. I should have been there.
I mean, really.
- 466. - You're preaching to the choir, Carl.
- I'm telling you, man, things are different.
- 467. Okay. Wait, so wait.
You have to say yes to everything?
- 468. Yeah, exactly. It's like you said:
I wasn't open to stuff, and now I am...
- 469. and things are changing for me.
It's like the era of yes has begun.
- 470. All right. Look, gets you out of the house,
I'm all for it.
- 471. Excuse me.
Could we get another round of drinks?
- 472. And actually, we're gonna start a tab...
- 473. and our good friend here, Carl,
will be taking care of it.
- 474. - Well, you're okay with that, right, buddy?
- Yes. Yes, I am.
- 475. Okay.
- 476. I should be prepping my case for Monday,
but I cannot miss this.
- 477. Hey, you, another bump of hot sauce.
- 478. Boy, you guys are really
into this yes thing.
- 479. Argh!
- 480. Okay, okay.
- 481. He did it.
- 482. Drinks on me.
- 483. Crazy, man.
- 484. Carl, that was so awesome.
- 485. - Okay.
- Excuse me. Could I...
- 486. Absolutely.
- 487. I don't think that's what she was
asking for, but all right.
- 488. Was I chewing gum before?
- 489. Hey. What do you
think you're doing, asshole?
- 490. Easy, easy.
It was a little misunderstanding, okay?
- 491. I'm just saying yes to life, homes.
You gotta say yes to life.
- 492. I made a sacred "conevant."
- 493. That sounded naughty.
- 494. - I think you and I need to step outside.
- No. God, no.
- 495. Okay, it's okay. I got this. I got this.
- 496. Okay. But if I win...
- 497. I get to take that pretty girl of yours
to a ball...
- 498. because she deserves that.
- 499. Every pretty girl deserves to go to a ball.
- 500. That is so nice.
- 501. Oh, shit.
- 502. All right. He punched me
right in the face, man.
- 503. - Don't worry. I got your back.
- You don't have anybody's.
- 504. I'm sorry, man. It's all our fault.
- 505. - I haven't fighted in a fight since grade 7.
- I know.
- 506. Hey. Are we gonna fight or what?
- 507. Yeah, we're gonna fight.
We're gonna fight, all right. Okay?
- 508. You want some, huh, more?
- 509. Because I am open for business, okay?
Oh, where'd I go?
- 510. Oh, where'd I go?
- 511. Yeah, how do you fight
what you can't see?
- 512. Did you see The Legend of Billy Jack?
- 513. Because I'm gonna take this foot...
- 514. and I'm gonna whop you
on that side of your face...
- 515. and there's not a goddamn thing
you can do about it.
- 516. Just don't break my teeth
off on the curb, okay?
- 517. But let's really sell this.
Give them a show.
- 518. What?
- 519. First, we have
to establish the ground rules.
- 520. And the ground rules are
there are no ground rules.
- 521. Idiot. I'm the wrong guy.
- 522. Well, maybe you need to start
being the right guy.
- 523. That's why you got punched out...
- 524. because you got the wrong attitude
right out of the gate.
- 525. I'm over here, dickhole.
- 526. Oh, my God. That's so funny.
- 527. You're a complete...
- 528. You all right?
- 529. I almost blocked it.
Didn't get there in time.
- 530. Okay, we're done.
We've been drinking.
- 531. - He's really been drinking.
- Seriously, man.
- 532. I'm glad we had this experience.
- 533. - I think we both grew from it. Call me.
- You asshole.
- 534. - We really did.
- Yeah. We did, bud.
- 535. She's never gonna go to a ball.
- 536. No. No, she's not.
- 537. - Okay. Tillie, there you are.
- Hi, Carl.
- 538. What can I do for you?
- 539. Well, I was wondering if you could help me
put up some shelves.
- 540. Oh, really?
- 541. Okay. That should just about do it.
- 542. - I'll see you later, Tillie.
- That was wonderful, Carl.
- 543. Oh, not so fast.
- 544. What are you doing?
- 545. - Oh, darn, I forgot to go to the bank.
- Oh, that's okay.
- 546. I'm getting so forgetful.
- 547. - It happens with age.
- Don't worry about it.
- 548. I am gonna have to repay you somehow.
- 549. Oh, just doing a favor for a neighbor
is good enough for me.
- 550. You are so handsome.
- 551. How come I never see you
with a girl over there?
- 552. Well, I'm just... I'm not in a serious thing,
but I am dating.
- 553. - Would you like a release?
- I'm sorry?
- 554. You know, a sexual release?
- 555. Uh...
- 556. - What do I do here?
- Oh, you don't have to do anything, Carl.
- 557. You just lay back
and I will take care of everything.
- 558. I don't know what to say here.
I'm stumped. I'm baffled.
- 559. I don't know if I'm gonna be able
to say yes to this one, Till.
- 560. - Oh, come on.
- But thanks for the offer and the image.
- 561. And I've got this thing I gotta do,
so I'll be seeing you.
- 562. In my nightmares.
- 563. Oh, come on, give me a break.
- 564. Terrence said this would happen if I said no.
- 565. Get out of there.
If I wanna say no, I'll say no!
- 566. Nice dog.
- 567. Just relax. I'll handle this.
- 568. Oh, God!
- 569. Oh, God! Oh, no. Oh, my...
- 570. Wow.
- 571. That... Oh...
- 572. That is a...
- 573. How are you doing that? Ay!
- 574. "Costume party. Come as your favorite
Harry Potter character."
- 575. You got it, Norm.
- 576. Hi.
- 577. Really? I've always wanted
to try it. Yeah.
- 578. So I can expect delivery anytime
between 8 a.m. And 5:30?
- 579. Hello. Wondering if you had a moment...
- 580. - to discuss the Church of Jesus Christ.
- Yeah, come on in.
- 581. - Buttercup Girls.
- Buttercup Girls.
- 582. Yeah. All right.
- 583. Hey. It's really working. Ah!
- 584. It's beautiful, man. It's beautiful.
- 585. I do wanna take guitar lessons.
I do wanna learn how to fly.
- 586. Yes, I would like to learn Korean.
- 587. I would understand
- 588. All right, now I got it.
- 589. Whoa.
- 590. What did he call me?
- 591. Homeless.
- 592. Come and get it.
- 593. There you are. You want some?
- 594. He never listens.
- 595. Yeah.
- 596. I wanna start an
organic-fertilizer distribution business.
- 597. Next.
- 598. - Wanna see a... Oh, sorry.
- You know what? I'd love to.
- 599. Way to stick in there.
- 600. There you go.
- 601. Hey. I came.
- 602. Great.
- 603. Yeah.
- 604. Rolling Rock, please.
- 605. - From the dawn of time...
- In the netherworld.
- 606. There was a band.
- 607. Oh, yes, there was.
- 608. And we were that band.
- 609. Yes, we were.
- 610. And that band made rock 'n' roll.
- 611. Oh, yes, they did.
- 612. And that band ate arame
and other sea vegetables.
- 613. Yeah.
- 614. And that band was rad.
- 615. Hello, Jake, Penelope,
Rodrigo, Phillip, Zachary.
- 616. - We are Munchausen by Proxy.
- You're kidding me.
- 617. I should have been the one
To break up with you
- 618. You said, "Who are you?"
- 619. Who are you?
- 620. I wanna snap your neck and spit on you
You said, "Who are you?"
- 621. Who are you?
- 622. If I got a call that said you were dead
You said, "Who are you?"
- 623. Who are you?
- 624. I'd shrug my shoulders, and I'd say whatevs
You said, "Who are you?"
- 625. Who are you?
- 626. Hey, did you ever meet my friend lan?
He's a computer hacker.
- 627. He helped me erase your MySpace page.
- 628. And your band's MySpace page.
And your Facebook page.
- 629. Happy networking, asshole.
- 630. Don't call me past 11 p.m.
It won't happen again
- 631. Happened once, it happened twice
- 632. It happened three times,
Maybe four times, maybe five times, maybe
- 633. Maybe it happened six times
But it won't happen a seventh time
- 634. No, no, no, no
- 635. I'm not your late night booty call
- 636. Whore no more
- 637. Don't call me past 11 p.m.
It won't happen again
- 638. You can call me at 10:59
- 639. But don't call me at 11
'Cause that's my rule now
- 640. Can I get a water?
- 641. Hey. Out-of-gas make-out guy.
- 642. Did we make out? Oh, right, we did.
Now I remember.
- 643. - What are you doing here?
- I know. Is this crazy or what?
- 644. - It's so crazy.
- 645. - Are you stalking me?
- No. I would never do that.
- 646. By the way, your new living-room
furniture looks great from the yard.
- 647. - Hey, great gig or whatever, you know.
- 648. Yeah. Strong lyrics.
You just make that stuff up?
- 649. - It comes from personal experience.
- 650. You want a drink?
- 651. Oh, I can't. I have to wake up early.
- 652. - So I have to go, but...
- Oh, really?
- 653. But you can walk me to my scooter.
- 654. I teach a jogging photo group...
- 655. for people who want to both exercise
and practice photography.
- 656. Oh, yeah,
that's getting very popular now.
- 657. It's in Griffith Park
and we do a loop. It's about five miles.
- 658. It's at 6 a.m.
- 659. Wow. I haven't been up at 6 a.m.
In, like, never.
- 660. - That's early.
- Yeah, but it makes for amazing pictures.
- 661. Okay, so you're in a band...
- 662. you do the jogging photography,
- 663. Whatever I want.
- 664. I volunteer at a shelter. I paint a little bit.
- 665. Yeah, that's cool.
I've done some charity work.
- 666. And some nude modeling, FYI.
- 667. Good to know, if, you know,
if I ever need to...
- 668. So anyway, my answer is yes.
I'd be happy to go out with you.
- 669. I didn't ask you out.
- 670. Could have fooled me
with that modeling comment.
- 671. You said that.
- 672. Well, whoever said it,
it made me very uncomfortable.
- 673. Hey, why don't you
come to my class tomorrow?
- 674. Why don't you stop smothering me?
Seriously. It's way too much too soon.
- 675. Yeah, I'd love to.
- 676. Okay. I'll see you tomorrow...
- 677. - Carl.
- 678. Yeah, Rooney?
- 679. Yo, Carl, hitting the clubs.
- 680. Got a case of Red Bull.
Gonna pull an all-nighter. You down?
- 681. Yeah.
- 682. Okay, guys, everybody ready?
- 683. - Allison?
- 684. Do we need to use a flash?
- 685. Not when the sun's up, Reggie.
- 686. Beautiful night, guys.
You take it to the limit, and I respect that.
- 687. Hit me on the cell this week.
Let's do it again.
- 688. Carl, if somebody asked me to
describe tonight, I would just go, "Ow!"
- 689. Back at you, Roon. Lee, I hardly know you,
but I feel comfortable.
- 690. Look how close I'm getting.
Hey, Allison, it's me, Carl. I'm here.
- 691. Allison, I'm here.
- 692. Allison.
- 693. Hey. Who were those guys?
- 694. That's Rooney and my friend Lee.
He's a nurse. I was making fun of him.
- 695. We hit a couple raves last night.
It was totally off the hook.
- 696. - You seem a little hyper.
- Had a couple Red Bulls.
- 697. Ever had Red Bull? I never had Red Bull.
Had Red Bull last night. I like Red Bull.
- 698. I got a new necklace. Glows in the dark.
- 699. Can't really see it right now,
unless you do this.
- 700. That's really something. Doesn't Red Bull
make you crash pretty hard?
- 701. No, no, no. No, no. I don't think so. No.
- 702. No. Hey, after we jog,
we should get a Red Bull.
- 703. You and I could get a Red Bull.
We could share.
- 704. - Okay, that'd be fu...
- Red Bull.
- 705. - That sounds...
- Red Bull.
- 706. - I think I'd...
- Red Bull.
- 707. - I'd really...
- Red Bull.
- 708. Red Bull.
- 709. Okay. A lot of energy. I like it.
Everybody, this is Carl.
- 710. - Carl, this is everybody.
- Hey, everybody.
- 711. Come on. Let's get into shipshape.
- 712. Oh, it's a good one.
- 713. Hold that.
- 714. Got it.
- 715. Hey, Carl, you okay?
- 716. Hold it right there.
- 717. That's good.
- 718. I can't put my finger on you.
You're kind of unpredictable.
- 719. Kind of mysterious.
- 720. You know, listen.
- 721. I like to keep it fresh. I like to live it up.
I like to mix it up.
- 722. If that doesn't jive with you,
we should end this.
- 723. I love that.
- 724. I don't know how people go through life
with the same boring routine.
- 725. - Just shoot me.
- I know. Right in the face.
- 726. Seriously, I dated this guy and I was
astounded at how content he was...
- 727. just living his life
in this closed-off little box.
- 728. I know. It's so frustrating. I just
wanna grab these people and shake them.
- 729. Say, "Wake up, you. You're missing out
on a little thing called life."
- 730. - That's so true.
- 731. So, what happened
to closed-off-little-box boy?
- 732. It just didn't work out. It's a long story.
- 733. Yeah? Same story
you were singing about last night?
- 734. Might be.
- 735. Closed-off-little-box boy, tender topic.
Probe no further.
- 736. Okay, if you must know,
we lived together.
- 737. I thought he was it, the one,
- 738. And then surprise, he ended it,
out of nowhere for no reason.
- 739. Gone, never saw him again.
- 740. Wow. That's rough. I'm sorry.
- 741. Next time you should warn me
about the length of the story, though.
- 742. Kind of dragged on.
- 743. - I'll work on that.
- Yeah, just trim the fat.
- 744. Ooh! Jeez. That was very healthy.
- 745. She's spontaneous. She's ballsy.
- 746. She has no clue what she's doing
and she doesn't care.
- 747. She's the complete opposite of me.
- 748. Carl, could you
please pass the Cholula?
- 749. Sure, Faranoush.
- 750. How did you two meet again?
- 751. Persianwifefinder. Com. It's pretty cool.
You should check it out.
- 752. - I'm engaged.
- Oh, yeah.
- 753. Should you talk about Allison
in front of Faranoush?
- 754. It's okay, man. We just met.
She knows it's not exclusive.
- 755. - Besides, she's totally not my type.
- I can hear you.
- 756. Sorry, Faranoush.
- 757. Anyway, I never would've met Allison
if I hadn't said yes to the homeless guy.
- 758. You wouldn't be on a date
with a strange woman.
- 759. - No offense, Faranoush.
- None taken.
- 760. I didn't realize
I was dealing with a no man.
- 761. No, I think it's great.
Throw this away for me, will you?
- 762. - Hey, honey.
- 763. - Lucy. Faranoush, Lucy. Lucy, Faranoush.
- 764. So my friends are being really lame...
- 765. and nobody's offered
to throw me a bridal shower.
- 766. Hey, I have an idea.
- 767. Carl, would you like to throw Lucy
a bridal shower?
- 768. Yeah. Sure.
- 769. Why not? That'd be great.
Yeah, I'd love that.
- 770. - Problem solved.
- 771. - Really?
- 772. Well, thanks, Carl.
- 773. Thanks, that's really sweet.
- 774. - That's great.
- That is sweet, Carl.
- 775. Thanks, Faranoush.
- 776. Oh, I forgot, I gotta pick up costumes
for me and Allison.
- 777. Costumes for what?
- 778. Expelliarmus! Just kidding.
- 779. That's okay. I blocked it
and deflected it back.
- 780. Oh. Kaching!
Wow. Cool costume, my man.
- 781. The only one they had left
was for toddlers.
- 782. This is Allison
and her wand made from a sequoia.
- 783. - Hi.
- You must be Norman.
- 784. Yes, nice to meet you.
Thanks for coming. Come in.
- 785. Yeah, we've got, well, drinks,
- 786. chips, dips...
- 787. and good people, just like you two.
- 788. - Thanks.
- Pace yourselves.
- 789. It's gonna be a crazy night.
- 790. - Get in there, play the zone.
- Come on.
- 791. - Good dip, huh, H.P.?
- 792. Got tons of it at Costco. You see, I've got
an exclusive membership card.
- 793. And with that card, I get access
to the whole place.
- 794. I can buy large quantities of anything
at discount prices.
- 795. Can't anyone get one of those cards?
- 796. No, don't think so.
But I can talk to someone, if you'd like.
- 797. - Yeah, put in a good word for us.
- That would be great.
- 798. Feels strange to be going home,
- 799. "I'm not going home, not really."
- 800. Oh, bye.
- 801. Alrighty, gang.
Who wants to watch Chamber of Secrets?
- 802. - Well, thanks for coming, guys.
- So nice to meet you.
- 803. Good to meet you, too. Thank you.
- 804. That's right. Come in. I'll go in.
- 805. Keep your hand there like in a shake.
The other hand goes around for a hug.
- 806. - Yeah. Tap it.
- Thanks for walking me through that.
- 807. - That's all right.
- 808. Okay, guys,
all aboard the Hogwarts Express.
- 809. Next stop, Azkaban.
- 810. Hey.
- 811. Do you wanna drive?
- 812. - Hey, you're getting better.
- Yeah, not bad, huh?
- 813. Whoa. Yep, I got it.
- 814. I got an idea.
- 815. - We can't do this.
- Why? You scared?
- 816. Hurry. Somebody's coming.
And I think I see something. Hurry.
- 817. - This is crazy.
- I know, but it's great.
- 818. This is unreal.
- 819. I couldn't agree more.
- 820. Ooh
- 821. Ooh
- 822. Ooh
- 823. You know, I've never let anyone
drive my scooter before.
- 824. I've never let anyone kiss me
on the stage of the Hollywood Bowl before.
- 825. Good evening, Los Angeles.
- 826. Please welcome to the Hollywood Bowl
Munchausen by Proxy.
- 827. I'm your biggest fan. Bang!
- 828. I killed her.
- 829. I'm a somebody.
- 830. I don't know about that.
- 831. - Come on, you gotta have creepy fans.
- I don't think so.
- 832. - We don't have that much of a following.
- What are you talking about?
- 833. Rodrigo and the guys at the bar.
They can't be trusted.
- 834. There's me and my friends. That makes
eight or nine very unstable people.
- 835. - How many people can this place even hold?
- Like 17,000.
- 836. So each one of us invites 1800
of our closest friends.
- 837. No need.
I know our music isn't that mainstream.
- 838. - What?
- I love doing it.
- 839. It's like my photography.
- 840. I know there isn't that much demand
- 841. taken while running, but...
- 842. I wasn't gonna say anything.
- 843. You know, who cares?
The world's a playground.
- 844. You know that when you're a kid...
- 845. but somewhere along the way,
everyone forgets it.
- 846. I love your music.
- 847. Anybody can take a photo standing still.
- 848. - Hey. What are you doing?
- Oh, shit.
- 849. - Stop.
- 850. - Come on, Carl, run.
- 851. - Wait right there.
- You got it.
- 852. - Down on the ground.
- Whatever you say.
- 853. - Carl, what are you doing? Let's go.
- All right. I can't please everyone.
- 854. Run!
- 855. Hello, everybody.
- 856. A little vitamin C. Keep your strength up.
I will be right with you.
- 857. - Pass those out, will you?
- 858. - Lee?
- 859. What up, my brizzo?
- 860. - That's not right, is it?
- Carl, I need you for a second.
- 861. Can you hang on a minute, Lee?
- 862. What's going on, Norm?
- 863. Something's going down on a big scale.
- 864. Guy from Corporate's here. Don't look.
He wants to talk to you.
- 865. I think it's about all those loans
you've been approving.
- 866. Well, we had a nice run.
- 867. I might get shit-canned, Norm.
- 868. Anyway, don't worry about it.
It'll lead to something good.
- 869. - Hey, I'm part of this too.
- 870. - Yeah. I stood by and let it happen.
- 871. You were feeling it.
You were in the loan zone, remember?
- 872. - I was.
- I was watching you.
- 873. Yeah, you were.
- 874. But I'm afraid it's caught up with us.
Now you and I have to face the music.
- 875. - Come on.
- Hey. Can I have one minute?
- 876. - Okay.
- Lee? What do you need?
- 877. You may be my last loan.
- 878. It's a Ducati.
- 879. I'm thinking it'll get people off my back
about the male nurse thing.
- 880. - See what I mean?
- Yeah. Nice ride.
- 881. See you on the other side, Lee.
- 882. Carl.
- 883. Wesley T. Parker.
Vice President, Brea Federal Savings.
- 884. Pleasure to meet you.
- 885. Every two months, the typical loan officer
approves 35 to 40 loans.
- 886. You have given out...
- 887. 561.
- 888. A little more than average, then.
- 889. What's even more unusual
are the amounts.
- 890. A $250 loan for a mountain bike,
$600 for windsurfing lessons.
- 891. Have you ever tried that? It's fun.
- 892. Carl, this bank traditionally has never
given out small loans.
- 893. - If I can explain... Yeah, certainly.
- Sit down.
- 894. At first I thought
you might be raiding our coffers.
- 895. - I would never do that.
- I would if I could, so why wouldn't you?
- 896. But...
- 897. But then I looked closer.
- 898. These people are so grateful
to have their needs met...
- 899. more than 98 percent of them
are following through with payments.
- 900. And because you've given out
so many of them...
- 901. we're actually making a lot of money.
Carl, these micro-Ioans, not bad.
- 902. See, Car, you worrywart.
- 903. Carl, what would you say if I asked you
to work upstairs with the big boys?
- 904. - Corporate?
- 905. That's great. I would have to say...
- 906. No, wait. Before we give our answer...
- 907. let's talk money.
Dollars and cents, Wes.
- 908. I'm afraid I can't discuss that with you,
since we're only taking Carl.
- 909. Got it. Yep.
- 910. We'll have the employment contract to you
by the end of the day.
- 911. Nice work, Carl. Bump my fist.
- 912. - Missed it. I was gonna fist you.
- Here's some fist.
- 913. This one is nice.
- 914. I especially love it in cream.
What do you think?
- 915. - I love it.
- 916. Yeah.
- 917. Bridal bingo?
How do you play bridal bingo?
- 918. It's the same as regular bingo...
- 919. but you just yell embarrassing facts
about the bride, okay?
- 920. Yeah.
- 921. - No, I'm not doing bridal bingo.
- Come on.
- 922. I don't want anything complicated.
- 923. You gotta squeeze every drop of juice
out of this experience.
- 924. It doesn't sound complicated.
Is it complicated?
- 925. Are you going to be asking a lot
more question? I don't got all day.
- 926. - Maybe we should just go somewhere else.
- It's okay. I'll talk to her.
- 927. Okay.
- 928. Okay, bridal bingo very simple, okay?
- 929. I can explain to you in more detail
if you want.
- 930. What's going on?
- 931. I mean, someone's trying to kill himself.
- 932. Jump.
- 933. What the hell are you looking at?
- 934. - Don't do it.
- Don't point at me, buddy.
- 935. Hey, lady, move that dog.
- 936. Buddy, can you move over a little bit,
like two feet?
- 937. Has somebody called the police?
- 938. Yeah. He'll be dead before they get here.
Somebody needs to talk him down.
- 939. - Move out the way.
- Somebody help him!
- 940. Don't do it.
- 941. It can't be that bad.
- 942. Hey, buddy.
- 943. Who are you, man?
- 944. Don't try anything. I'm gonna kill myself,
so don't try to stop me.
- 945. - Okay.
- What do mean, "Okay"?
- 946. No, I don't mean okay.
Just give me a second.
- 947. I should say something to you here.
- 948. I don't really know what it is.
- 949. Man, you terrible at this.
Are you even a cop?
- 950. Hold on a second, I'm thinking.
- 951. Wait. I've got it.
- 952. Where you going, man?
- 953. - I know it's not what I think it is.
- Just stop.
- 954. Oh, man.
- 955. - My man. Hello?
- Don't do it. I'm coming.
- 956. Patience is a virtue.
- 957. What the hell you doing in there?
- 958. I wish you would step back
From that ledge, my friend
- 959. You could cut ties with all the lies
That you've been living in
- 960. And if you never want to see me again
- 961. I would understand
- 962. I would understand
- 963. Um... Oh...
- 964. What is it?
- 965. The angry boy a bit too insane
- 966. Icing over a secret pain
- 967. You know you don't belong
- 968. Everyone I know has got a reason
- 969. To say
- 970. You can put the past away
- 971. I wish you would step back
From that ledge, my friend
- 972. You could cut ties with all the lies
You've been living in
- 973. And if you never want to see me again
- 974. I would understand
- 975. I would understand
- 976. I would understand
- 977. I would understand
- 978. I would understand
- 979. I got blisters on my fingers.
- 980. Carl.
- 981. Stephanie, Ted, hey.
- 982. How's it going?
What are you guys doing here?
- 983. We're doing a week in Tahiti. Ted's father
owns a little piece of property there.
- 984. A hundred acres isn't so little, hon.
Not in Tahiti, anyway.
- 985. Hey, I saw you on TV.
That was amazing, Carl.
- 986. It's just a little life that needed saving.
No big deal.
- 987. - So where you headed?
- I'm meeting my girlfriend here.
- 988. - We don't know where we're going.
- 989. Yeah, we're just gonna pick a place.
Kind of an eenie, meenie, minie thing.
- 990. Keeps it fresh. I'll see you guys.
- 991. - That sounds like a lot of fun.
- Can you imagine?
- 992. No.
- 993. So I have some carry-on here.
- 994. I'd like two tickets on the first plane
out of here, please.
- 995. We've never done this before.
- 996. The next flight available for boarding...
- 997. is to Lincoln, Nebraska.
- 998. Okay.
- 999. - Okay.
- 1000. - Yeah?
- 1001. Here we come.
- 1002. Where does someone go
in Lincoln, Nebraska?
- 1003. Well, clearly we should go there.
- 1004. "The earliest switchboard
- 1005. weighed over 10 and a half pounds."
- 1006. - Interesting.
- Look at this.
- 1007. - Very first phone call ever.
- Pretty cool.
- 1008. Check out the phone.
- 1009. Smaller than I thought they would be.
Hold on, I'm vibrating.
- 1010. Hello?
- 1011. Nice shot.
- 1012. - What do you know about that?
- Pretty sexy.
- 1013. So, what do I do? I just...
- 1014. - Take it easy.
- Here you go.
- 1015. - Okay.
- You got it.
- 1016. Pull?
- 1017. - Good one.
- I got it. I got it.
- 1018. Can I do it again? Can I do it again?
- 1019. Ladies and gentlemen,
let's hear it...
- 1020. for your University
of Nebraska Cornhuskers.
- 1021. Twenty bucks says
Oklahoma kills them.
- 1022. Hey, Pete, you mind putting that
on a coaster?
- 1023. What, do you live here now?
- 1024. Yeah. I asked Carl and he had to say yes.
- 1025. Hey. Is that Carl?
- 1026. - Wait a second.
- Wait a second, wait a second.
- 1027. The energy is palpable here,
Chris. I can't even hear myself think.
- 1028. - I guess they're in Nebraska.
- 1029. Now, this is the really interesting part.
If you don't take the heads off properly...
- 1030. then everything gets mixed
into the batch.
- 1031. Someone gets a beak in their bucket
or a mouthful of tendons...
- 1032. and you got a lawsuit on your hands.
- 1033. We got a fainter down in Head Removal.
- 1034. I can't believe
I tripped like that.
- 1035. - It seemed like you fainted.
- No, I told you my foot caught a nail.
- 1036. Okay. Because I thought it was
all the chicken beaks in the bucket.
- 1037. Don't, please.
- 1038. Oh, God. It's starting to rain.
- 1039. Here. I have to protect you.
- 1040. Come on.
- 1041. Hurry, there's no time to lose.
We have to find shelter.
- 1042. Come on.
- 1043. Get in here. It's okay. I got you.
- 1044. Allison, are you okay?
- 1045. Are you hurt? Are you hurt? You're okay?
- 1046. What?
- 1047. I don't know. I think I love you.
- 1048. Really?
- 1049. I've known that I like you for a while,
but just now I decided that I love you.
- 1050. - Do you love me?
- 1051. I love you like...
- 1052. I can't believe it.
It's kind of ridiculous.
- 1053. I've been thinking...
- 1054. and I know it's crazy,
especially for me...
- 1055. but maybe when we get back
we should move in together.
- 1056. Wow. Really? You've been thinking that?
- 1057. What do you think?
- 1058. - What do I think? Uh... Yeah.
- Oh, God. You paused.
- 1059. - No, I didn't pause.
- You paused.
- 1060. No, I didn't pause.
It was just a big step.
- 1061. It was a stupid idea.
I shouldn't have said anything.
- 1062. Come on, what are you talking about?
Here, ask me again.
- 1063. - Do you wanna move...
- 1064. Did I pause there? I could probably knock
a couple milliseconds off that if you...
- 1065. - Where are you traveling today?
- Los Angeles.
- 1066. I'll just be one minute.
- 1067. We should do this every weekend.
We could see the whole world.
- 1068. I'm in.
- 1069. - You okay?
- Yeah, I'm good.
- 1070. Sir?
- 1071. - You mind coming with us, please?
- I'm sorry?
- 1072. We just wanna ask you a few questions.
- 1073. You're hilarious. Oh, that's great.
- 1074. Oh, beautiful. Are you in on this too?
- 1075. Oh, my God, you guys really
had me going there.
- 1076. There's a crazy man in the terminal.
- 1077. - Oh, good job.
- Let's go, funny guy.
- 1078. Come on, lady.
- 1079. - Do you hate your country, Mr. Allen?
- 1080. - Do you hate America?
- No. Of course not.
- 1081. Then why are you plotting to attack it?
- 1082. - What?
- I think you have the wrong guy.
- 1083. I'm sorry. Was I speaking to you?
- 1084. We've been tracking you.
We know who you are.
- 1085. - We know what you're planning.
- This is insane. Do you think I'm a terrorist?
- 1086. Why did you purchase these plane tickets
at the last minute?
- 1087. It was a spontaneous vacation.
- 1088. Right. I was just saying
to Agent Tweed...
- 1089. how I wanted to take a fun-filled
vacation to Lincoln, Nebraska.
- 1090. Are you currently a member
of Persianwifefinder. Com?
- 1091. - Yes, but you don't understand.
- Yes? Who is that?
- 1092. Faranoush. It was nothing. I can explain.
I can explain.
- 1093. Explain this, jackhole. As Chief Loan Officer
at Brea Federal Savings and Loan...
- 1094. you gave a man money
to start a fertilizer business.
- 1095. - For what, bombs?
- 1096. Have you recently
started taking flying lessons?
- 1097. - Yes. Oh, come on.
- Why did you learn Korean?
- 1098. - Are you aligned with the North Koreans?
- No. What?
- 1099. You were married for six months.
Some immigration thing?
- 1100. - You were married?
- 1101. That was a long time ago.
I was gonna tell you.
- 1102. I was gonna tell her. I just never...
- 1103. Start talking, Carl,
if that is your real name.
- 1104. We knew another Karl we weren't
too crazy about, didn't we, Tweed?
- 1105. His name was Marx.
- 1106. I need to speak to my attorney.
- 1107. Several months ago, my client
attended a self-empowerment seminar...
- 1108. that requires him to say yes
to any request that's presented.
- 1109. All of the activity
that appears suspicious...
- 1110. the flying lessons,
the spontaneous trip-taking...
- 1111. it's all because he must say yes
to any opportunity.
- 1112. - He's really into it.
- You say yes to everything?
- 1113. - Are you kidding?
- It's not how it sounds.
- 1114. How does it?
I'd love to hear this.
- 1115. I'm wondering if there's a better setting
for this back and forth.
- 1116. Maybe we should speak privately.
Come on outside.
- 1117. - Whew. That was close.
- What the hell, Carl?
- 1118. Are you serious?
You say yes to everything?
- 1119. - Even if you don't like it?
- No, of course not.
- 1120. - Sometimes.
- Oh, good. What a relief.
- 1121. I thought you lied all the time, but it's
just sometimes. That's excellent.
- 1122. So you didn't wanna
come to my show...
- 1123. you didn't wanna go jogging with me,
you didn't wanna travel with me?
- 1124. Yes, I did. That was my idea.
- 1125. When I asked you
if you wanted to move in...
- 1126. that took a lot for me to do that,
and I meant it.
- 1127. I didn't know what to expect,
but I guess I figured...
- 1128. like an adult, you were gonna
weigh the options.
- 1129. You paused.
- 1130. You wanted to say no but you couldn't.
You had to say yes.
- 1131. - That's not entirely true.
- How do I know if anything you did...
- 1132. was because you wanted to or because
you were following some damn program?
- 1133. Allison.
- 1134. Bye, Carl.
- 1135. I can't believe I didn't tell her
I was married. I'm such an idiot.
- 1136. - You know what I did?
- What's that?
- 1137. She asked me to move in with her
and I hesitated. That was like a no.
- 1138. I should have said yes right away,
- 1139. That's how the whole thing got
screwed up. I broke the covenant.
- 1140. Ever think things got screwed up...
- 1141. because you said yes without thinking,
not because of a covenant you made?
- 1142. It's with the universe.
It's a big deal.
- 1143. There is a middle ground here.
You can process things.
- 1144. You can weigh them individually and
make decisions on a case-by-case basis...
- 1145. a.k.a. What normal people do.
- 1146. Yeah, that's a good point.
Hold that thought. Allison!
- 1147. Or not.
- 1148. Allison, please, can't we talk for a sec?
- 1149. - Get away from me.
- 1150. - Farther.
- 1151. Carl.
- 1152. Bye, Carl.
- 1153. - Oh, I just love good food.
- So do I.
- 1154. - Do you?
- 1155. You know you and I are a lot alike?
- 1156. My mother likes good food.
- 1157. She always used to say,
"I'd rather eat good food...
- 1158. than bad food any old day
of the week. "
- 1159. Hey.
- 1160. It's me again.
- 1161. Specifically I'm talking about 15
to 20 percent.
- 1162. The way we're gonna do this
is we're gonna go after the...
- 1163. Okay, I'm totally off the controls.
- 1164. You're officially flying by yourself.
- 1165. Cool.
- 1166. There's no greater feeling in the world,
- 1167. Hello, Jake, Rodrigo,
Penelope, Phillip, Zachary.
- 1168. I'd like to thank you all for coming...
- 1169. for no other reason
than you genuinely wanted to.
- 1170. In an unrelated note,
everyone else can go jump off a bridge.
- 1171. Ah!
- 1172. Allison?
- 1173. No, it's Wes P., Big C.
Did I catch you at a bad time?
- 1174. - No, no, I'm just hanging here.
- Okay, okay. Just checking in.
- 1175. Seeing how Corporate's treating you.
- 1176. Kicks the crap out of dealing
with those peons, huh?
- 1177. - I never really thought of them as...
- Hang on, hang on, hang on, just a second.
- 1178. Wes? Can you hear me?
- 1179. Go get the ball!
- 1180. So listen, I got a job for you.
We're shutting down a bunch of branches...
- 1181. - and I need you to tell the managers.
- Shutting down branches?
- 1182. Which ones?
- 1183. We are Sparta!
- 1184. Hi, Norm.
- 1185. You have three messages.
- 1186. Hi, Car, this is your
answer phone speaking.
- 1187. No, it's me, Norm, just a reminder
about the party tonight.
- 1188. I'll see you there, buddy. Roger, out.
- 1189. Carl, it's Roons.
Thanks for letting me use your car.
- 1190. You might notice the front bumper missing.
Not to worry.
- 1191. I gave them your insurance.
The whole thing's being handled.
- 1192. And I left a pile of laundry in my room.
Don't forget, no starch. Love you.
- 1193. It's Peter. I'm sure you're aware
and completely on top of it...
- 1194. but just wanted to make sure Lucy's
shower is still on for tomorrow night.
- 1195. Haven't received confirmation
of any sort from you. At all.
- 1196. - Shower. Shit.
- It's on.
- 1197. Right? Call me.
- 1198. - Hey, guys.
- 1199. - What's wrong?
- I just really need to talk to you.
- 1200. What?
- 1201. Come on inside. I'll explain everything.
- 1202. Surprise!
- 1203. - Oh, my God.
- Happy shower.
- 1204. How did you pull this off?
- 1205. I just called in a few favors,
kept throwing money at it.
- 1206. I like it, I like it.
- 1207. - Rooney.
- 1208. - That's Bert. He's in fertilizer.
- Hey, B.
- 1209. - And Lee, he's a male nurse.
- I know Lee.
- 1210. Let's get this guy a drink.
He doesn't have long to live.
- 1211. On him, on him.
- 1212. Cake?
- 1213. - Thanks.
- 1214. - Oh, John Goodman.
- No, it's Alec Baldwin.
- 1215. Oh, right. Nailed it.
- 1216. Norm. Hey, thanks for coming, man.
- 1217. - How you holding up?
- I'm okay, Car.
- 1218. You know, taking her day by day.
- 1219. Yeah. Well, I got a friend
I want you to meet.
- 1220. Oh.
- 1221. - Norman, this is Soo-Mi.
- Hi there.
- 1222. - Can I call you Soo?
- 1223. Do you dance?
- 1224. Well, I've won some competitions.
- 1225. - Come on.
- Look out. Oh, hey.
- 1226. - Oh, that's an interesting one.
- Yep. And it's half-price, so...
- 1227. Oh, jeez.
- 1228. - That's the best wedding shower ever, man.
- Man, you deserve it.
- 1229. - You all right?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- 1230. - Yeah? She's still not calling you back?
- 1231. - What are you gonna do?
- I don't know.
- 1232. I guess I'll just stick with the program.
Keep saying yes to everything.
- 1233. I know it sounds silly...
- 1234. but maybe that bad stuff
will lead to something good.
- 1235. Doesn't sound silly.
Well, maybe a little silly.
- 1236. You wanna get dinner tomorrow night?
- 1237. - Yes. And not because I have to.
- 1238. - Well, you do have to.
- 1239. - But you want to.
- Oh, yeah.
- 1240. - So bad.
- Oh, God, me too.
- 1241. - It's all I can think about.
- 1242. Hi there.
- 1243. Hello there.
- 1244. You must be Tillie.
- 1245. - I've certainly heard a lot about you.
- Isn't that nice?
- 1246. - Would you mind helping me?
- Absolutely, yeah. No problem.
- 1247. Come on, let's go.
- 1248. - Hello?
- Hi, Carl.
- 1249. - Oh, Stephanie. What's wrong?
- Can you come over?
- 1250. We had this big fight and he stormed off.
- 1251. Well, these things have a way
of working themselves out.
- 1252. I don't know.
- 1253. - Not this time. I think it's over.
- 1254. You know,
but maybe it's supposed to be.
- 1255. I mean, a part of me felt like something
wasn't right from the beginning.
- 1256. - Yeah?
- I don't know, Carl. I'm so confused.
- 1257. Yeah. I'm gonna assume at this point,
- 1258. - Stay with me tonight.
- Oh, Steph...
- 1259. Steph...
- 1260. I can't.
- 1261. I'm sorry.
- 1262. What are you saying?
- 1263. I'm saying no.
- 1264. Are you serious?
- 1265. Oh, Jesus.
- 1266. Oh, please.
- 1267. I didn't even see the red zone.
I've only been here for 20 minutes.
- 1268. - Sorry, pal. Can't help you.
- Oh, come on. Can't you give me a break?
- 1269. No, man, no, man, no, man.
- 1270. - No man, no man, no man...
- Not possible!
- 1271. Jackoff.
- 1272. Chapter 26,
"Words That Rhyme With Yes."
- 1273. Guess, mess.
- 1274. Tess, that's a name.
Less, a word and a name.
- 1275. - Terrence, don't freak out.
- What the fuck?
- 1276. Jesus, that nurse couldn't be
any more obvious.
- 1277. She was coming in the room. It's like,
"Give me some space, woman."
- 1278. Again, I'm pretty sure
she was just here checking on Carl.
- 1279. Peter.
- 1280. A covenant.
- 1281. Hey, buddy, you all right?
- 1282. The covenant, it's coming down
hard on me, man.
- 1283. - He keeps talking this covenant nonsense.
- It's not nonsense.
- 1284. It is nonsense.
- 1285. It's him.
- 1286. Oh, thank God. Terrence. You have to
remove the covenant. It's killing me.
- 1287. First of all, what were you doing
in my car?
- 1288. I told you,
I need you to remove the covenant.
- 1289. There is no covenant. There never was.
I was just riffing.
- 1290. - Riffing?
- Well, I had to say something.
- 1291. You were being difficult,
embarrassing me in front of my crowd.
- 1292. - So the whole yes thing is all bullshit?
- 1293. You just don't know how to use it,
- 1294. Yeah, I do. Say yes to everything.
Real tough to grasp.
- 1295. No, that's not the point.
- 1296. Well, maybe at first it is,
but that's just to open you up to it...
- 1297. to get you started.
- 1298. Then you're saying yes,
not because you have to...
- 1299. not because a covenant tells you to...
- 1300. but because you know in your heart
that you want to.
- 1301. Yeah.
- 1302. You're right.
- 1303. - That makes perfect sense.
- I told you. I said that.
- 1304. - You didn't say that.
- I did.
- 1305. - You didn't say it like that.
- Not with an accent.
- 1306. Thanks, Terrence. Sorry about the car,
and your head there.
- 1307. - What time is it?
- It's 5:40 in the morning.
- 1308. Perfect.
- 1309. I said that.
- 1310. Whatever.
- 1311. I'm gonna hop in the bed
just in case the nurse comes back.
- 1312. - Sir, you need to get back to your room.
- No, I don't.
- 1313. - Sir, stop right there.
- Eat me.
- 1314. - Lee. What are you doing here?
- I'm a nurse, remember?
- 1315. Oh, yeah, right. Sorry.
Can I borrow your car?
- 1316. No, I don't have my car anymore.
I've got my Ducati, thanks to you.
- 1317. Ducati.
- 1318. Have you ever driven one of these before?
They're quite powerful.
- 1319. Yeah, I ride double all the time
on the scooter with Allison.
- 1320. No, Carl,
this is not the same.
- 1321. You really have to be careful. Okay?
These things have a lot of...
- 1322. Holy Jesus.
- 1323. Torque.
- 1324. - How you doing?
- Can't complain.
- 1325. Ah!
- 1326. You might wanna get out of the way.
- 1327. - Come on. Jerk.
- I'm sorry.
- 1328. Ah!
- 1329. Whoa!
- 1330. What an asshole.
- 1331. Carl, what are you doing here?
- 1332. I just wanted to tell you
that I don't wanna live with you.
- 1333. Oh, wow. Thanks.
My knight in shining armor.
- 1334. Okay, people, let's go.
- 1335. But I wanna be with you.
- 1336. But I don't wanna be with you.
I don't know you.
- 1337. Everything I said I meant,
except about living together.
- 1338. That makes me nervous,
but that's normal. It's big.
- 1339. We shouldn't just jump into that
- 1340. Why not? You do it with everything.
You say yes to whatever comes your way.
- 1341. That's not true. You can say no
if you don't want something.
- 1342. Brilliant, Carl. Where'd you get that?
- 1343. Look, I know the philosophy
has some holes.
- 1344. You think? Seems pretty airtight to me.
- 1345. But if I hadn't done that,
I never would've met you.
- 1346. Because the old Carl
didn't think he was enough for anybody.
- 1347. I thought if I said yes to things
and got involved with people...
- 1348. sooner or later,
they'd find out I'm not enough.
- 1349. I didn't think I had anything to share.
- 1350. But now I know that what I have to share
is pretty huge, and I wanna share it with you.
- 1351. - Do you mind, Reggie?
- Seriously, dude.
- 1352. Sorry, this seemed interesting.
- 1353. Even if I had met you,
I never would've asked you out.
- 1354. You were the complete opposite of me.
You did things and had friends...
- 1355. and sang in rock bands
and made life happen.
- 1356. You weren't scared of anything.
- 1357. You don't think I'm scared of anything?
- 1358. Who do you think I am?
I'm scared of a lot of things.
- 1359. And I'm scared too.
- 1360. So let's be scared together.
- 1361. I don't know what you want me to say.
- 1362. So just say yes...
- 1363. but only if you really want to.
- 1364. And can you do it kind of soon?
I think I'm starting to get a chill.
- 1365. Yeah, I noticed that.
- 1366. Well?
- 1367. - Maybe.
- Come on.
- 1368. - I'm not gonna say that word.
- Okay, maybe's fine. Maybe's good.
- 1369. I like maybe.
- 1370. - Reggie, come on.
- 1371. Excuse me,
but pleats are kind of out of style.
- 1372. You got anything with a flat front?
- 1373. Oh, Soo-Mi, pleats are out?
- 1374. Thanks, guys.
- 1375. This is the single biggest donation
that we've ever had.
- 1376. You're welcome, but it was Carl
that made it all happen.
- 1377. You're a good man, Carl.
- 1378. No big deal. I know a lot of people
who are willing to give.
- 1379. Say it a million times.
Say it a million more times.
- 1380. And the word
you will have said 2 million times is:
- 1381. Yes!
- 1382. Good God.
- 1383. Thank you for using the
subs, regards shock
- 1384. So anything else
we need to know?
- 1385. Your instinct is gonna be to brake
with your chin or your forehead.
- 1386. - Try to resist that.
- 1387. Right.
- 1388. Oh, and thanks for the loan.
- 1389. I never could have finished the suits
- 1390. Listen, I'm not gonna think anything
less of you if you don't wanna do this.
- 1391. What?
- 1392. I mean, I'm still gonna be attracted
to you if you're a chicken.
- 1393. What if I'm
one of those chickens...
- 1394. whose head doesn't get severed
and my beak ends up in the bucket?
- 1395. I'll see you at the bottom.
Unless you pass out.
- 1396. I told you,
my foot caught a nail.
- 1397. Hiyah!
- 1398. I love this.