1. Wood.Copy !req
2. Peanut butter, yeah, peanut butter.Copy !req
3. I love peanut butter.Copy !req
4. Did you hear that?Copy !req
5. Yeah, me too! Better go check it out.Copy !req
6. Yeah, no poachin'.Copy !req
7. Shh!Copy !req
8. What ya gotta eat them
damn things for anyway?Copy !req
9. You're gonna rot your teeth.Copy !req
10. Poachers! In my forest!
This oughta be fun. Game on.Copy !req
11. Hello, boys! Guess who?Copy !req
12. What in the hell kinda bird is that?
He sure is angry about somethin'.Copy !req
13. Well, he ain't no eagleCopy !req
14. but somebody will surely pay
to have it stuffed.Copy !req
15. Guns, no! Whatever will I do?Copy !req
16. Toro, toro, olé!Copy !req
17. Come on! That the best ya got?Copy !req
18. Shoot!Copy !req
19. Over here now!Copy !req
20. Nice shot.
Now let's try this with a moving target.Copy !req
21. Reload. Reload. Reload.Copy !req
22. Yoo-hoo! Lookin' for me?Copy !req
23. Whoa. Too slow. Gotta go.Copy !req
24. - Over there. There he is.
- Marco... POLO!Copy !req
25. Peek-a-boo! Over here!
- GotchaCopy !req
26. OK, boys, you got me fair and square.
I give up...Copy !req
27. not!Copy !req
28. Nighty-night, boys.Copy !req
29. Did ch-you...?Copy !req
30. Choc.Copy !req
31. And I'm the one
with the brain the size of a walnut?Copy !req
32. P-lease!Copy !req
33. Speech! Speech! Speech!Copy !req
34. Alright, alright, alright, alright.
Now raise your glassesCopy !req
35. and here's to our victory
and here's to our team.Copy !req
36. Barb, come on in. Join the party.
- Actually, Lance, we need to talk.Copy !req
37. Terminated?Copy !req
38. I just won a case for this firm
worth millions and I'm being terminated?Copy !req
39. And another thing,
since when do we need to beCopy !req
40. so overly concerned
with the rights of wildlife?Copy !req
41. Wildlife don't vote.Copy !req
42. Wildlife don't pay taxes!
Big oil creates big jobs.Copy !req
43. When's the last time
you ever saw a bear create a job?Copy !req
44. Barb, come on!Copy !req
45. 15 years of busting my butt for this firmCopy !req
46. not to mention the biggest case
you've ever wonCopy !req
47. and you're gonna fire me?Copy !req
48. Fired?Copy !req
49. They can't do that.Copy !req
50. Actually, turns out they can.Copy !req
51. - We will sue.Copy !req
52. Sue one of the toughest law firms
in the country?Copy !req
53. Not a great idea.Copy !req
54. Don't worry, baby. I got a plan.Copy !req
55. Are you going to smear them
on social media?Copy !req
56. I was thinking something
a little more mature.Copy !req
57. My grandfather left me
an amazing piece of propertyCopy !req
58. right up near the Canadian border.Copy !req
59. We're going to create a country estate.Copy !req
60. Look at me. Look what I'm wearing.
I... I can't. I'm a city girl.Copy !req
61. We're not gonna live in it;
We're gonna flip it.Copy !req
62. Take a huge profit.
I'm gonna start my own firm.Copy !req
63. Success is the best revenge.Copy !req
64. - No... Nope.
- That's it!Copy !req
65. That's the one we saw!
- Ooh!Copy !req
66. "The... The Pileated Red-Crowned Woodpecker.
Thought to be extinct."Copy !req
67. "last one sold
on the black market for..."Copy !req
68. Look at thisCopy !req
69. 500,000 dollars.Copy !req
70. Holy moly!
I could buy me that blue suede tux...Copy !req
71. or one of them monster trucks.Copy !req
72. All I know is that bird is out there
in the woods someplaceCopy !req
73. just waitin' for us to bag it.Copy !req
74. Home sweet home,
and no one around to bother me!Copy !req
75. This is gonna be great.Copy !req
76. I gotta tell ya,
this is the first time in a long timeCopy !req
77. I'm actually excited about something.Copy !req
78. Careful!Copy !req
79. Lance, look who's here.Copy !req
80. Linda, what a nice surprise.Copy !req
81. May we come in?
- Course.Copy !req
82. Hey, Tommy, how you doin', bud?Copy !req
83. - My dad is in the hospital.
- I'm sorry to hear that.Copy !req
84. I always liked your dad,
even though he hates my guts.Copy !req
85. He doesn't hate your guts.Copy !req
86. No, he told me.
He actually said, “I hate your guts...Copy !req
87. It's a little hard to misinterpret that.Copy !req
88. Look, I'm leaving on a flight
to Philadelphia at ten o'clock.Copy !req
89. I need your help.
I need you to watch Tommy for a while.Copy !req
90. I... if this were any other time,
I would be happy to helpCopy !req
91. but this is not any other time.Copy !req
92. I'm sorry my dad didn't askCopy !req
93. if it was convenient for you
before he had a stroke.Copy !req
94. We're leaving first thing
in the morningCopy !req
95. starting construction on a big project.Copy !req
96. Can't you just take him with you?
- No. I have a family crisis.Copy !req
97. You hardly ever see your son.Copy !req
98. It is time for you to step up to the plate
and do your part.Copy !req
99. You know what, I am sorry, Linda,
the timing is just really bad.Copy !req
100. I can't do it. I'm sorry.
I would like to help you, but I can'tCopy !req
101. and that's final.Copy !req
102. My hands were tied. You saw that.
- Yeah, I know, but...Copy !req
103. I'm not a kid person...Copy !req
104. even when I was a kid.Copy !req
105. I need a Xanny.
I feel a migraine coming on.Copy !req
106. Hey, Tommy.Copy !req
107. Tommy, take off your headphones, please.Copy !req
108. Look, it's not
that I don't appreciate the drummingCopy !req
109. because it's...Copy !req
110. awesome, but can you maybe
drop it down a few decibels, please?Copy !req
111. Fine. I won't play ever again.Copy !req
112. Happy now, Lance?Copy !req
113. Lance? What happened to Dad?Copy !req
114. I know you don't want me here.Copy !req
115. The only kid you want in your life
is your girlfriend.Copy !req
116. You know what? Vanessa is not a kid.
She's much...Copy !req
117. much older-ish than you are. Hey...Copy !req
118. Look, your mom's right.Copy !req
119. We haven't had a chance
to spend much time together lately, so...Copy !req
120. why don't you just look at this trip
as a opportunity to bond.Copy !req
121. Good talking.Copy !req
122. Well, we are here.Copy !req
123. By here, do you mean,
the middle of nowhere?Copy !req
124. Just wait 'til you see it.Copy !req
125. - Come on. Would you just look at this!
- Argh! Ee!Copy !req
126. Pristine, untouched.Copy !req
127. I cannot wait to get a bulldozer in here
and start building.Copy !req
128. Pretty exciting, bud?Copy !req
129. Ya)'-Copy !req
130. I'm telling you, babyCopy !req
131. if a house on this site
does not quadruple our investmentCopy !req
132. I don't know what will.Copy !req
133. Come on, lemme show you.Copy !req
134. Lance, these shoes...Copy !req
135. Baby, wait,
my shoes are not made for that!Copy !req
136. OK, so the front door
is gonna be somewhere about hereCopy !req
137. and then... boom!Copy !req
138. Two-story vaulted ceilings,
stunning view of the riverCopy !req
139. opens up to a state-of-the-art kitchen.Copy !req
140. - Awesome!
- I know. Right?Copy !req
141. I'm getting five bars!Copy !req
142. Five bars, that is awesome.Copy !req
143. Let's go!Copy !req
144. This place really needs to be fumigated.Copy !req
145. Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
146. Campers, how do I love thee?Copy !req
147. Let me count the ways.Copy !req
148. There's granola bars, corn chips,
ice cream, snack cakes, corn nutsCopy !req
149. etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.Copy !req
150. Grill's ready.Copy !req
151. - Don't you dare post that.
- Too late.Copy !req
152. Hashtag epic dad grill fail.Copy !req
153. It is so coffee o'clock.Copy !req
154. Will you make me
a double macchiato, please?Copy !req
155. Sure, dear.Copy !req
156. Hi, there.
- Hi.Copy !req
157. Hey, welcome.Copy !req
158. You must be Ben Walters' grandson.Copy !req
159. How'd you know that?Copy !req
160. Cos you look exactly like him,
spittin' image.Copy !req
161. You knew my grandfather?
- He came up every summer.Copy !req
162. Taught me how to fish on this river.Copy !req
163. No kidding.Copy !req
164. Shoot, where are my manners?Copy !req
165. I'm Sam Bartlett, Park Ranger
in charge of the state landCopy !req
166. that surrounds your property.
- Lance Walters.Copy !req
167. This is my fiancée, Vanessa.
- Hi.Copy !req
168. That's my son Tommy,
the mythical half-boy, half smart-phone.Copy !req
169. Just swung by on my rounds.Copy !req
170. We've had a problem
with bird poachers in the areaCopy !req
171. so if you see anyone suspicious,
please, lemme know.Copy !req
172. Will do.
- I hear you're building a house up here.Copy !req
173. Breaking ground tomorrow.
You wanna see it?Copy !req
174. It's... very blue.Copy !req
175. 5000 square feet
and every amenity.Copy !req
176. And I'm decorating it.Copy !req
177. Yeah, you are.Copy !req
178. 5000 square feet for three people?
Hope you won't be cramped.Copy !req
179. No, well, we're not building it
to live in. I mean...Copy !req
180. Live here? Get real.Copy !req
181. It's an investment property.
We're gonna flip it.Copy !req
182. I see. Don't you think it'll kind of
overwhelm the landscape?Copy !req
183. Got government land on all sides.Copy !req
184. Yeah. Not like there are
any neighbours to complain.Copy !req
185. All I'm saying is if you were
to build something a bit more modestCopy !req
186. you'd preserve these old growth trees
and be a lot more green-minded.Copy !req
187. Well, it's my land, so I'm pretty sure
I can build however I wantCopy !req
188. but don't worry,
I'll leave plenty of trees for you to hug.Copy !req
189. Well, let me know if you see any poachersCopy !req
190. and good luck with this...Copy !req
191. Death Star you're building.Copy !req
192. Nice meeting you.Copy !req
193. Who she think she is?
- I like her. She's cool.Copy !req
194. Don't worry about it, baby.Copy !req
195. Hey, Tommy,
come help me with this stupid grill.Copy !req
196. Um, sounds like fun...Copy !req
197. Lance,
but I think I'm gonna go explore a little.Copy !req
198. Like you say,
can't play video games all the time.Copy !req
199. Chip off the 0l' block.Copy !req
200. Part boy, part lawyer.Copy !req
201. How the heck does this thing work?Copy !req
202. Whoa.Copy !req
203. What the heck are you?Copy !req
204. Now it's your turn.
Come on, kid, show me what you got!Copy !req
205. Yeah!Copy !req
206. Wa-wa-wa-wa! Wa-wa-wa-wa, wa wa!Copy !req
207. What? What?Copy !req
208. Ta-da!Copy !req
209. Wow! You are really cool for a woodpecker.Copy !req
210. Are those Peanut Butter Bonkers?
I'm a sucker for Peanut Butter!Copy !req
211. Come on, brother, share the wealth,
spread the love, hook me up.Copy !req
212. What are you tryin' to tell me?Copy !req
213. Humans,
you gotta spell everything out for them.Copy !req
214. You're hungry.Copy !req
215. You want a Peanut Butter Bonker?
- Does a Woodpecker peck in the woods?Copy !req
216. Whoa!Copy !req
217. Wahoo!Copy !req
218. Do you like that?Copy !req
219. Even better than beetle larvaCopy !req
220. which, if you haven't tried,
is quite good when in season.Copy !req
221. Have another?
- Don't gotta ask me twice.Copy !req
222. It's OK.Copy !req
223. Hey, don't let the mushy music fool ya.Copy !req
224. We're not friends or anything.
I'm only doing this for the free food.Copy !req
225. I'm gonna call you Woody.Copy !req
226. You like that name? Woody?Copy !req
227. I'm gonna call you
Kid Who Just Ran Outta Bonkers.Copy !req
228. See ya.Copy !req
229. Well, I hope everyone is hungry.Copy !req
230. I wanted our first night in the wilderness
to be a little less wild.Copy !req
231. Got any pizza?
- No I don't have any pizza. Do...Copy !req
232. This is much better than pizza.Copy !req
233. Nothing is better than pizza.Copy !req
234. Well, I think it looks
absolutely delicious, Lance.Copy !req
235. Thank you, baby.Copy !req
236. Here's to me building
and you designing something amazing.Copy !req
237. Amazing.
- Cheers.Copy !req
238. Here. Cheers. Wh...?Copy !req
239. Well, come on, clink it.Copy !req
240. - Hiya, campers!
- Aah!Copy !req
241. Sorry I'm late! Traffic.
S00, what's for dinner?Copy !req
242. Good to see you again,
Kid Who Gives Me Food.Copy !req
243. What is that thing?
- It's OK. I... I met him in the forest.Copy !req
244. He's friendly. I named him Woody.Copy !req
245. What are you doing? Don't feed it!
We'll never get rid of it!Copy !req
246. Stay away from him!
You don't know where it's been!Copy !req
247. And I have no idea where you've been,
sweetheart.Copy !req
248. He's practically tame.Copy !req
249. Yeah, as long as you feed rne.Copy !req
250. OK, who cut the cheese?Copy !req
251. Whoever did it, did a great job.Copy !req
252. Get... Lance, get... Get rid of it!Copy !req
253. Shoo! Shoo!Copy !req
254. Get outta here! Go!Copy !req
255. You know, it's so funny
when they try to fly.Copy !req
256. You don't have wings, you dummy.
- Get outta here!Copy !req
257. Beans.Copy !req
258. Get rid of it! Do something!Copy !req
259. Beans, beans, the musical fruit,
the more you eat, the more you...Copy !req
260. Disgusting!Copy !req
261. I think he's awesome.Copy !req
262. - Whoa!
- Get outta here.Copy !req
263. You know,
I'm sensing a little hostility here.Copy !req
264. Hey, stop. He's not hurting anyone.Copy !req
265. You got somethin' in your hair.
- Sh...Copy !req
266. Missed me. Whoa, is it something I said?Copy !req
267. H-yah!
- Woo-ha!Copy !req
268. Woo! Yoo-hoo!
Over here you big featherless freak!Copy !req
269. - Baby!Copy !req
270. - See you at breakfast!
- No!Copy !req
271. You hit me!Copy !req
272. Baby, I'm so sorry.
OK. It was an accident.Copy !req
273. Lemme see, lemme see, lemme see.
I'm so sorry.Copy !req
274. Are you OK? Are you OK?Copy !req
275. Look, let's just eat our...Copy !req
276. dinner...Copy !req
277. Can you not hear that?Copy !req
278. That woman could sleep
through a hurricane.Copy !req
279. Can you believe that stupid bird?Copy !req
280. Tommy?Copy !req
281. Ba-dub, bub, dub, bub, dub, da!Copy !req
282. Ba-dee, bee, bee, bee, bee, ba!Copy !req
283. Dub, dub, dub, dub, dub, hey!Copy !req
284. Shoo!Copy !req
285. Get outta here!Copy !req
286. Go on. Beat it!Copy !req
287. Go find somewhere else to peck.Copy !req
288. Go find somewhere else to sleep.Copy !req
289. Around here,
I'm at the top of the pecking order.Copy !req
290. I said beat it!Copy !req
291. - He makes the catchCopy !req
292. and the crowd goes wild!
Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
293. Gimme that back right now!Copy !req
294. Good day, Mr Walters.
Ready to break ground?Copy !req
295. I sure am, George.Copy !req
296. Remember, I want this house
on the market by fallCopy !req
297. so it needs to be done quickly.Copy !req
298. Well, for enough money,
anything can be done quicklyCopy !req
299. even out here in the sticks.Copy !req
300. Well, that is good to hearCopy !req
301. cos according to my schedule,
you're already 2O minutes behind.Copy !req
302. Your schedule?
- I am hands on, George.Copy !req
303. I'm gonna ride your crew.
- Super! They'll love that.Copy !req
304. And by the study fireplaceCopy !req
305. I was thinking
twin zebra sheepskin chairs.Copy !req
306. They'll be a nice contrast
to the crested butte cigar leather sofas.Copy !req
307. And, of course,
the thirty-light elk antler chandelierCopy !req
308. will tie it all together.Copy !req
309. And, I want it all done in eight weeks.Copy !req
310. That's really not enough time.
- Money is no object.Copy !req
311. - Consider it done.
- Thank you.Copy !req
312. Lance, honeyCopy !req
313. I've decided on volcanic stone
for the kitchen counters.?Copy !req
314. Great. B...Copy !req
315. Baby, aren't those
the most expensive counters in the world?Copy !req
316. Well, duh, the best usually is.Copy !req
317. Come, see.Copy !req
318. - OK, honey.
- That's so exciting.Copy !req
319. Hey, Tommy,
you wanna watch the excavation?Copy !req
320. Lemme think about it...Copy !req
321. No.Copy !req
322. OK, I'll take that no as a no.Copy !req
323. Can't a bird catch some Zs around here?Copy !req
324. Hey! What's the big idea?Copy !req
325. Watch it! Watch it!Copy !req
326. Wait a minute. They're not camping;
They're moving in.Copy !req
327. No, no, no, no, no! This is my forest.Copy !req
328. Time for an eviction notice.Copy !req
329. Hey! Yeah, you!Copy !req
330. Get off my lawn, punk!Copy !req
331. Hey! Relax!Copy !req
332. - No!
- Knock knock.Copy !req
333. Who's there? Pee?Copy !req
334. Pee who? Pee-yew!Copy !req
335. Somebody get that bird!Copy !req
336. Let's see who's next, shall we?
Eeny, meeny, miny... MOE!Copy !req
337. Bab)'-Copy !req
338. - Baby, baby.
- Bombs away!Copy !req
339. The bird!Copy !req
340. How was that
for an eviction notice?Copy !req
341. NO! No!Copy !req
342. The good thing about a high fibre diet...Copy !req
343. it keeps ya regular.Copy !req
344. Whoa!Copy !req
345. That'll buff right out.Copy !req
346. - Baby.Copy !req
347. Don't you “baby” me!Copy !req
348. Well, the bad news isCopy !req
349. you're encroaching on the habitat
of a very territorial bird.Copy !req
350. No kidding.Copy !req
351. Well, don't worry about the window.Copy !req
352. We'll just add that to the bill.Copy !req
353. Would you keep it down out here?Copy !req
354. You see?
- Shh.Copy !req
355. - That's much better.Copy !req
356. Tommy, open the door!Copy !req
357. Tommy?Copy !req
358. "Rejected" by KingsleyCopy !req
359. You planning on buyin' it
or just tuning it to death?Copy !req
360. Sorry, I was just browsing. Um...Copy !req
361. Don't sweat it. Play away.Copy !req
362. I'm Jill.
- I'm Tommy.Copy !req
363. - Are you visiting?
- Yeah.Copy !req
364. My dad's building this house by the river.
- Man!Copy !req
365. That mega-mansion
everyone's talking about?Copy !req
366. Yeah, that would be it.Copy !req
367. So you interested in it?Copy !req
368. This is a really...
This is a really sweet guitar.Copy !req
369. I helped restore it.Copy !req
370. The guy who sold it to us
was a roadie for Springsteen.Copy !req
371. Who knows,
Springsteen himself may have played it.Copy !req
372. Or at least breathed near it.Copy !req
373. You're not bad. Not bad at all.Copy !req
374. Thanks, I've been taking lessons
for a couple years.Copy !req
375. But, I left my guitar at home, so...Copy !req
376. I can make you a really sweet deal
on that guitar if you like.Copy !req
377. My dad is the one with the coin.
I'm pretty much broke.Copy !req
378. Maybe we can work something out.Copy !req
379. My friend Lyle and I have a band.Copy !req
380. He plays the drums, I play bass, but...Copy !req
381. You need a guitarist?
- Yeah.Copy !req
382. The town's annual Firefly Festival's
at the end of the month.Copy !req
383. We really wanna play there.Copy !req
384. If you help us outCopy !req
385. I'll lend you that guitar for free
for the whole summer.Copy !req
386. You interested?
- Yeah, totally!Copy !req
387. Hey!Copy !req
388. This is our roadCopy !req
389. and we didn't give you permission
to use it!Copy !req
390. Um, actually, this is a public road
built with government fundsCopy !req
391. and it belongs to everyone.Copy !req
392. So technically you are correct.
It is yours, but it's also mine.Copy !req
393. Hey, you don't get off that easy!Copy !req
394. Look, I don't know what I did
to offend you guysCopy !req
395. but whatever it is, I'll stop.Copy !req
396. Course you will.
You'll be too busy crying!Copy !req
397. Seriously, doesn't your school
have an anti-bullying policy?Copy !req
398. Sure does.
That's exactly why we got kicked out.Copy !req
399. Right, John? High five!Copy !req
400. Ooh! Look, a guitar.
- Hey, give that back!Copy !req
401. What was that?
- Whatever it was, it clawed me!Copy !req
402. - Ba, bu-da-ba-ba, ba, ba, ba!
- Woody!Copy !req
403. Now as for you two, where were we?Copy !req
404. Get ready to go commando!Copy !req
405. This bird's psycho!Copy !req
406. Woody, that was awesome!Copy !req
407. You went all MMA on 'em!Copy !req
408. Nobody messes with my BFF-Copy !req
409. and by that I mean Bringer of Free Food.
See ya!Copy !req
410. Come on, George,
you gotta be kidding rne.Copy !req
411. - No.
- Well, why am I paying for that?Copy !req
412. - Your bird did a number on us.
- It is not my bird.Copy !req
413. Fine, fine. Just every day out here
is costing me money.Copy !req
414. Yeah... Great, thank you.Copy !req
415. Hey, buddy, where you been?
- Town.Copy !req
416. - Where'd that come from?
- I'm starting a band with a girl I met.Copy !req
417. Fun fact:Copy !req
418. I almost got my butt kicked
on the way home.Copy !req
419. What are you talking about? By who?Copy !req
420. A couple of Neanderthal kids.Copy !req
421. We. OK because Woody saved me.Copy !req
422. Who's Woody?
- The woodpecker.Copy !req
423. Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu!
Do not mention that stupid bird!Copy !req
424. - Stupid?
- Yeah.Copy !req
425. Last I remember, that stupid bird
wasn't the one covered in bird poop.Copy !req
426. You know what? That's enough outta you.
You're on a time out. Go to you room.Copy !req
427. I don't have a room.Copy !req
428. Then go into the RV.Copy !req
429. Fine.Copy !req
430. And in case you were wonderingCopy !req
431. nobody in town is happy
about us building a house up here.Copy !req
432. Can you believe that?
- I know, what is wrong with these people?Copy !req
433. Don't they understand how great this is
gonna be for their property values?Copy !req
434. No, LanceCopy !req
435. I'm talking about how disrespectful
your son is to me.Copy !req
436. Yeah, that.Copy !req
437. This isn't what I signed up for, OK?Copy !req
438. Being a stepmom to a bratty kid
who hates me.Copy !req
439. Baby, he doesn't hate you.
- He hates me.Copy !req
440. If anything, he's just mad at rne.Copy !req
441. He's just acting out.Copy !req
442. I know this is difficult,
but you've just gotta be patient.Copy !req
443. You'll see. We're gonna get
our old life back in no time.Copy !req
444. I promise.Copy !req
445. Wakey, wakey.Copy !req
446. Here's Woody!Copy !req
447. That is it!Copy !req
448. I am finished with you!Copy !req
449. Now, maybe you didn't get the memo!Copy !req
450. But, man, not wildlife,
is top of the food chain!Copy !req
451. So if I were you, I would get outta here
before you land on my rotisserie!Copy !req
452. If it's the last thing I...
- Nice rant. Easy to dance to.Copy !req
453. I'd give it a seven.
- Hey!Copy !req
454. - Yeah, you better fly outta here!
- Yeah right!Copy !req
455. Really? A pinecone?Copy !req
456. How pathet...Copy !req
457. You sure this foundation's deep enough,
George?Copy !req
458. I want this place to last longer
than these trees.Copy !req
459. Twice as long, sir.Copy !req
460. Trust me, been doin' this a long time,
alright?Copy !req
461. Babe, isn't this great?Copy !req
462. I'm not really a cement person.Copy !req
463. Can I have the keys for the car?Copy !req
464. I need to go to town and find a place
to get my highlights touched up.Copy !req
465. Hey, sweetheart?Copy !req
466. What's that matter?
We're out here in the middle of nature.Copy !req
467. Yeah, and I wanna look natural.Copy !req
468. Keys are in the RV.
- OK.Copy !req
469. Time to get these trespassers outta here.Copy !req
470. We can do this the easy way
or the Woody way.Copy !req
471. I'm thinkin' the Woody way.Copy !req
472. Come on, Tommy, you cannot sit in here
all day staring at a screen.Copy !req
473. - There's nothing to do here.
- Nothing to do here?Copy !req
474. They're getting ready to pour the cement.
That's cool.Copy !req
475. Let's go outside and watch them do that.Copy !req
476. Pass.
- Go outside and find something to do.Copy !req
477. Anything.
- Give that back!Copy !req
478. Lance! Hurry that thing is back!Copy !req
479. Get back!Copy !req
480. My God.Copy !req
481. No, no, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
482. Jackie Chan taught me this one.Copy !req
483. Wa-ka! Woo!Copy !req
484. How about some of this?
How about some of that?Copy !req
485. Bath time!Copy !req
486. Hope you're getting hazard pay!Copy !req
487. - Hi-yah! Hi-yah!Copy !req
488. Wa-hoo! Wa!Copy !req
489. - No, no, no!
- Karate chop!Copy !req
490. I do all my own stunts.Copy !req
491. Here comes the thunder!Copy !req
492. Don't worry,
I didn't forget about you two.Copy !req
493. You're my favourites!Copy !req
494. Let's get to the SUV!Copy !req
495. I wonder how this thing works.Copy !req
496. Only one way to find out.Copy !req
497. Come on, you know you want me to push it.
Oops!Copy !req
498. You were right, Lance.Copy !req
499. Watching them pour cement is fun.Copy !req
500. Now that's how you do things
the Woody way.Copy !req
501. I'd like to file a complaint.Copy !req
502. Nope. Nope.Copy !req
503. Nope. Yep, that's it.Copy !req
504. That's the flying demon right there.Copy !req
505. The Pileated Red-Crowned Woodpecker?
- Yep.Copy !req
506. Impossible.Copy !req
507. The Red-Crowned Woodpecker
has been extinct for almost a hundred yearsCopy !req
508. I'm telling you, that's the bird.
- Sure it is.Copy !req
509. Any chance you're taking
any sort of medication?Copy !req
510. Look, I don't care
what kind of bird it is.Copy !req
511. I want it off my property for good.
Now how does that happen?Copy !req
512. Well, the local Native AmericansCopy !req
513. believed it was
the incarnation of MarcondaCopy !req
514. god of chaos and mayhemCopy !req
515. a mischievous trickster
who haunted the forest.Copy !req
516. Super factoid. What did they do about it?
- Moved away.Copy !req
517. - Moved away?
- More like fled.Copy !req
518. Didn't even pack,
left all their things behind.Copy !req
519. Well, I'm not gonna flee.Copy !req
520. Can we just kill it?
- No, you can't just kill it.Copy !req
521. The woodpecker is a protected species.
You'd be breaking the lawCopy !req
522. a 10,000 dollar fine.Copy !req
523. Do you take credit cards?Copy !req
524. And two years in jail.Copy !req
525. Alright, well there's Plan A.Copy !req
526. Do you have any ideas?
- Learn to live with it.Copy !req
527. There is plenty of room for both of you.Copy !req
528. Thanks.
You've been tremendously unhelpful.Copy !req
529. How hard can it be to find
a red-headed woodpecker with hands?Copy !req
530. Well, I feel like I know the answer
to this one.Copy !req
531. Hey, give me a hint?Copy !req
532. No, no, no. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
533. That's it.Copy !req
534. Nobody poops on my truck
and gets away with it!Copy !req
535. One time.Copy !req
536. That happened one time
and you've never let me forget it.Copy !req
537. Hey! I know that song. That's my ringtone.Copy !req
538. Well, what do ya know? Peanut butter boy.Copy !req
539. That was awesome!Copy !req
540. Heck yeah, we killed it!Copy !req
541. Hey, kid.
- Hey, Woody.Copy !req
542. I was just flapping by and I heard
someone laying down a fresh beat.Copy !req
543. Whoa-oa! What kind of bird is that?Copy !req
544. Some kind of woodpecker.
He lives up by my place.Copy !req
545. And before I met you guysCopy !req
546. he was pretty much
my only friend out here.Copy !req
547. Friend?Copy !req
548. Nope. Never had one of those before.Copy !req
549. The festival's at the end of the month.
We've still got a lot of practicing to do.Copy !req
550. One, two... One, two, three four.Copy !req
551. "Bird is the Word"Copy !req
552. Yeah, that's right, I peck by ear.
Never had a lesson. Ho-ho!Copy !req
553. Whoa! That bird's got mad skills.Copy !req
554. "Bird is the Word" by The TrashmenCopy !req
555. Whoa!Copy !req
556. Another bill? Where did this come from?
Wh...?Copy !req
557. Jeez, bees!Copy !req
558. Run!Copy !req
559. To the river!Copy !req
560. On? OK. I could do that.Copy !req
561. Just like in the cartoons.Copy !req
562. I'm back!Copy !req
563. No, no, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
564. Yeah! That was awesome!Copy !req
565. Woody, that was sick!Copy !req
566. Yeah! The bird is the word.
You know this song is about me, right?Copy !req
567. Baby, please,
can we talk about this a min...?Copy !req
568. - You know what? You were right.Copy !req
569. I should've listened to you
in the first place. We'll go to a hotel.Copy !req
570. I'm going to a hotel!Copy !req
571. The Fairmont Olympic in Seattle.Copy !req
572. Five stars, all the amenitiesCopy !req
573. suite for one.Copy !req
574. I will get rid of that woodpecker,
I promise you...Copy !req
575. It's too late, Lance.Copy !req
576. You're not the man I thought you were.Copy !req
577. I fell in love with a cold,
heartless courtroom killerCopy !req
578. not a man who loses to a flying squirrel.Copy !req
579. If you ever move back to SeattleCopy !req
580. we can do lunch.Copy !req
581. Bye.Copy !req
582. I think I just did that guy
a hu-uge favour.Copy !req
583. You're welcome!Copy !req
584. I'm sorry.Copy !req
585. What?Copy !req
586. About Vanessa.Copy !req
587. I know you liked her.Copy !req
588. Thanks.Copy !req
589. Yeah, I did.Copy !req
590. Sometimes things don't work out
the way you planned.Copy !req
591. You'll find that out when you're older.Copy !req
592. I'm not sure I wanna find out.Copy !req
593. Nah. It's not all that bad.Copy !req
594. It's just that in lifeCopy !req
595. your dreams and reality...Copy !req
596. don't always line up.Copy !req
597. So what you're trying to tell me is...Copy !req
598. it basically stinks.Copy !req
599. No, not all the time, but...Copy !req
600. yeah, sometimes life basically stinks.Copy !req
601. Let's get some sleep.Copy !req
602. Things always look better in the morning.Copy !req
603. At least I hope they do.Copy !req
604. So I've got a pretty serious bird problemCopy !req
605. and from what I understandCopy !req
606. you two gentlemen are the finest
pest control company in town.Copy !req
607. Well, you're the only
pest control company in townCopy !req
608. but I'm sure men of your...Copy !req
609. calibre, won't have any trouble
with this job.Copy !req
610. It's just a little woodpecker.Copy !req
611. Mister, do you know how...Copy !req
612. How can we help you, Mr Walters?Copy !req
613. Well, I need you to trap it
and release it far, far away from here.Copy !req
614. I'd say kill it,
but apparently that's illegal.Copy !req
615. Course not.
We would never, break the law.Copy !req
616. Nate, what about that time...Copy !req
617. How much?
- Our standard woodpecker removal fee is...Copy !req
618. two...
- 500 bucks, cash money.Copy !req
619. Otis, are you...
- Done.Copy !req
620. gonna... eat your cherry?Copy !req
621. All yours.Copy !req
622. Thanks, I'll...Copy !req
623. I'll save this for later.Copy !req
624. Cheque, please.Copy !req
625. So I will see you gentlemen
in the morning, yes?Copy !req
626. You got it.Copy !req
627. We will hit the hay early.Copy !req
628. We'll be there bright and early,
ready to removify that bird.Copy !req
629. Just not before ten A.M., All right?Copy !req
630. That's about when my son
usually comes into town and...Copy !req
631. I'd rather he not know anything
about this.Copy !req
632. Ten o'clock it is. We will see you...Copy !req
633. 'm the mafiana.Copy !req
634. In the mafiana.Copy !req
635. I thought we were seein' him tomorrow?Copy !req
636. What?Copy !req
637. What? Let's go!Copy !req
638. We've been searchin' for that woodpecker
for monthsCopy !req
639. and now it just falls right in our laps.Copy !req
640. We gonna make five hundo cash money.
- Dummy.Copy !req
641. It's a Pileated Red-Crowned woodpecker.Copy !req
642. We can sell that bird
for a thousand times more than that.Copy !req
643. Can't you just smell the money?Copy !req
644. Nah, that's just me.Copy !req
645. Hey, what are we gonna call our band?Copy !req
646. How about Poison Ivy?
Cos I think I just stepped in some.Copy !req
647. Hey, look, an eagle feather.Copy !req
648. - And there's another one.
- That's a lot of feathers.Copy !req
649. - Let's follow the trail.
- I thought we were going swimming?Copy !req
650. Don't worry, we will.Copy !req
651. Wonder where they came from.Copy !req
652. - Guys, the quarry's back that way.
- Don't be such a wimp.Copy !req
653. Whoa.Copy !req
654. Hey, let's go check it out.Copy !req
655. Looks totally abandoned.Copy !req
656. Did you guys not see the sign?Copy !req
657. Hey, wait for rne!Copy !req
658. What is this place?Copy !req
659. Can we go now?Copy !req
660. Look at all this stuff.Copy !req
661. Who would do something like that
to those animals?Copy !req
662. I told you guys
we shouldn't have come in here.Copy !req
663. Let's go! Come on.Copy !req
664. What was that?Copy !req
665. What... What are you doing?Copy !req
666. Look how sad he looks.Copy !req
667. What are you doin' here?Copy !req
668. We're sorry, sir.
We didn't touch anything.Copy !req
669. This is private property.Copy !req
670. You are trespassin'.Copy !req
671. We could press charges.Copy !req
672. We were just on our way to the quarry
and we got lost.Copy !req
673. Yeah, see the towels? Swimming.Copy !req
674. It wasn't my idea. They made me.Copy !req
675. If any of you little runtsCopy !req
676. come back here againCopy !req
677. bad things are gonna happen.Copy !req
678. Now all of youCopy !req
679. get outta here!Copy !req
680. - Go on! Go on! Go!
- Come on, guys, let's go!Copy !req
681. Not you, dummy.Copy !req
682. - Come on, quick!
- Guys, come on!Copy !req
683. Peck away all you want tonight, bird.Copy !req
684. Tomorrow the hammer drops.Copy !req
685. Otis, take her up.Copy !req
686. - So what's the plan?
- I'll tell you the plan.Copy !req
687. We got this,
carbon fibre and titanium reinforced cage.Copy !req
688. We've got, thermal cameras
all over the perimeter.Copy !req
689. And for just a little added insuranceCopy !req
690. we've got these electrified net guns.Copy !req
691. If for any reason he manages to
escape and make a run for itCopy !req
692. heat-seeking tranquiliser darts.Copy !req
693. Ooh, and the bait,
we've got two aces in the hole.Copy !req
694. At first, a female decoy.Copy !req
695. Second, we've added
a jar of extra nutty peanut butterCopy !req
696. because no right-minded woodpecker
can resist the combination of romance...Copy !req
697. and peanut butter.Copy !req
698. It is a bad day to be a Woodpecker.Copy !req
699. Do you smell that?Copy !req
700. Is that what I think it is?Copy !req
701. Peanut butter!Copy !req
702. Peanut butter! Peanut butter!
Peanut butter!Copy !req
703. Peanut butter! Hee-hee!Copy !req
704. Incoming bogie,
300 yards and closin' fast.Copy !req
705. What do we have here?Copy !req
706. Well, hello there? Come here often?Copy !req
707. I notice you have
a jar of extra nut-fay peanut but-ter.Copy !req
708. I'm a big fan of the stuff, myself.Copy !req
709. Mind if I join you?Copy !req
710. Is it just me or is there something
kinda wooden about this chick?Copy !req
711. - Here. Come on.
- How about we take this back to my placeCopy !req
712. and watch a movie?Copy !req
713. Ever seen The Birds? It's hilarious.Copy !req
714. It feels like something
has come between us.Copy !req
715. Heat-seekers.Copy !req
716. You didn't think I was gonna get caught
this easy, did ya?Copy !req
717. Peanut butter makes me crazy, not stupid.Copy !req
718. - Come on, what else ya got?
- Shoot him!Copy !req
719. Yikes, time to go!Copy !req
720. Whoa!Copy !req
721. Whoa, whoa!Copy !req
722. Whoa. Wh-argh!Copy !req
723. Whoa!Copy !req
724. Look, there he is!Copy !req
725. - Tag, you're it!
- Whoa!Copy !req
726. Nighty-night, boys.Copy !req
727. Not. Again.Copy !req
728. Hey, Beardo!
Yeah, I'm talkin' to you!Copy !req
729. Feelin' lucky today, punk?Copy !req
730. Well, do ya?Copy !req
731. Electrifying! Smile!Copy !req
732. Come to papa. Later, babe.
Text me when you make parole.Copy !req
733. Here I got it.Copy !req
734. Why, Ranger Sam, how kind of you.Copy !req
735. No worries.Copy !req
736. I heard about your RV. Was it bad?Copy !req
737. Let's just say I don't think
I'm gonna get my damage deposit back.Copy !req
738. How's your fiancée taking it?Copy !req
739. You mean my ex-fiancée.Copy !req
740. I'm pretty sure she's taken it
to a five star hotel in Seattle.Copy !req
741. - I'm sorry.
- Yeah, thanks.Copy !req
742. I never thought a Woodpecker
would break up my relationshipCopy !req
743. but I guess out here these things happen.Copy !req
744. Can I give you a piece of advice
about that Woodpecker?Copy !req
745. It is not a woodpecker;
It is a demon from Hell.Copy !req
746. OK, then can I give you a piece
of advice about that demon from Hell?Copy !req
747. Does it involve untraceable forms
of poison?Copy !req
748. No, just the opposite.Copy !req
749. Instead of fighting with the woodpecker,
maybe try being nice to it.Copy !req
750. Being nice to it?
- You've tried everything else.Copy !req
751. Besides you catch a lot more flies
with honey than vinegar.Copy !req
752. Think about it.Copy !req
753. Hey, bird.Copy !req
754. It's just your friendly neighbour, Lance.Copy !req
755. Got a little peace offering.Copy !req
756. Is that a sock on a stick? Pathetic.
- You win!Copy !req
757. You like cookies?Copy !req
758. Everybody likes cookies.Copy !req
759. There'll be plenty more
where those come from.Copy !req
760. Whole brand new box every day.Copy !req
761. So long as ya...
let me build my house in peace.Copy !req
762. And then once I sell my house,
you'll be somebody else's nightmare.Copy !req
763. Listen, busterCopy !req
764. if you think giving me a little food
is going to make me forget...Copy !req
765. Wow, these are killer. What was I saying?Copy !req
766. Pretty good? What do ya say?Copy !req
767. I'll think it over.Copy !req
768. Well, I'll take that as a yes.Copy !req
769. All right, you measure twice
and cut once.Copy !req
770. That's correct.Copy !req
771. Here you go.Copy !req
772. Hey, what's up there, hard hat?
Hey, look out! Hey!Copy !req
773. Whoa, whoa, whoa, everybody, relax!Copy !req
774. Relax.Copy !req
775. I got this.Copy !req
776. I thank you very much.Copy !req
777. Same time tomorrow.Copy !req
778. Please, allow me.Copy !req
779. That's lunch, whoo-hoo!Copy !req
780. I know what you folks are thinking:Copy !req
781. "Woody is a big fat sell-out."Copy !req
782. But the way I see itCopy !req
783. it's a mutually beneficial
business arrangement.Copy !req
784. Anyway, I let them build
their dream house in peaceCopy !req
785. as long as they pay me.Copy !req
786. Voila!Copy !req
787. Well, Mr WaltersCopy !req
788. looks like you're gonna get your house.Copy !req
789. Over schedule and over budget,
but we did it.Copy !req
790. Alright-y.Copy !req
791. Here you go.
- Thanks, dad.Copy !req
792. You're welcome.Copy !req
793. Hey, what about me?
- Don't worry, I didn't forget about you.Copy !req
794. I sure hope not.Copy !req
795. My favourite!Copy !req
796. Yummy!Copy !req
797. You must give me the recipe!Copy !req
798. Hey, Linda. What's up? How's your dad?Copy !req
799. A little better, thanks.Copy !req
800. You guys deliver?Copy !req
801. Listen, I've got some good news.Copy !req
802. I talked to my cousinCopy !req
803. and she can take Tommy
while I'm at the hospitalCopy !req
804. so you're off the hook.
- Really?Copy !req
805. That's what you wanted, right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
806. You know what? No...Copy !req
807. I...Copy !req
808. I think we're OK here.Copy !req
809. Seriously?
- Yeah, seriously.Copy !req
810. Keep me posted on your dad, would you?
- Sure.Copy !req
811. Take care of my boy.
- Our boy.Copy !req
812. See you later.Copy !req
813. Nate, how we ever gonna get that bird?
It's always with 'em.Copy !req
814. It's just a matter of time, Otis.
Keep your shirt on.Copy !req
815. Weren't plannin' on takin' it off.Copy !req
816. Seriously!Copy !req
817. Last 10 seconds!Copy !req
818. - Come on, you can do it!
- Lyle, come on, almost there!Copy !req
819. You can do it!Copy !req
820. Come on, you can do it!Copy !req
821. - And we have a wiener!
- Yeah, Lyle!Copy !req
822. Here you go, sir.
Here's your chocolate ice cream.Copy !req
823. Well, look who's here,
Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber.Copy !req
824. Hiya, fellas, how about a little topping
for your ice cream?Copy !req
825. It's not fake.
You don't know what you're talkin' about.Copy !req
826. Yuck, even I think that's disgusting.Copy !req
827. Take care.
- Thank you, bye.Copy !req
828. Well, hello again.Copy !req
829. Free trees?Copy !req
830. It might be the first thing I've seen here
that isn't battered and deep fried.Copy !req
831. How's your ongoing battle
with the woodpecker?Copy !req
832. Well, I hate to admit it,
but you were right.Copy !req
833. Took your advice, made peace with it.
And it's...Copy !req
834. It's actually been...Copy !req
835. not awful.Copy !req
836. But in another month or so,
I'll be finished.Copy !req
837. I'll sell the house and adiés.Copy !req
838. So problem solved.Copy !req
839. Problem solved.Copy !req
840. So I was about to listen to Tommy's band.Copy !req
841. They're gettin' ready to play,
you wanna come?Copy !req
842. Yeah, sounds like fun.Copy !req
843. BLUEGRASS COVER OF "Susanna"Copy !req
844. This is what happens
when you eat 29 hotdogs!Copy !req
845. No guts, no glory!Copy !req
846. Are you sure you can't play?Copy !req
847. Dude, I'm just tryin' not to blow chunks.Copy !req
848. We'll be totally lame without a drummer.Copy !req
849. Wouldn't it be lamer to have a drummer
puke all over himself on stage?Copy !req
850. No. That's rock 'n roll.Copy !req
851. Sorry, guys, I really wanna play...Copy !req
852. but my stomach's got other plans!Copy !req
853. Well, here we go.Copy !req
854. We're up next.
- But we don't have a drummer.Copy !req
855. So we go on without a drummer.Copy !req
856. Worst case scenario is...Copy !req
857. we make total fools of ourselves. Come on.Copy !req
858. OK. Let's do this.Copy !req
859. Now let's give a nice warm
Pine Grove welcome to our next local act:Copy !req
860. 3 Peat.Copy !req
861. Hi, everyone. We're 3 PeatCopy !req
862. although, um,
at the moment, our third peat...Copy !req
863. is, um, puking up hotdogs behind the barnCopy !req
864. so, tonight, we're just 2 Peat.Copy !req
865. Enjoy the show.Copy !req
866. THEY PLAY "What I Like About You"Copy !req
867. Hey!Copy !req
868. - Hey!Copy !req
869. Sounding a little light
on percussion.Copy !req
870. What would MacGyver do?Copy !req
871. Perfect. That's it!Copy !req
872. it You keep me warm at night 1%Copy !req
873. Way to go, Tommy! Yeah!Copy !req
874. Yeah! They should call this Woodystock!Copy !req
875. - You guys were amazing!
- Thanks.Copy !req
876. Buddy, I knew you could play,
but I didn't know you could play like that.Copy !req
877. I'm so proud of you.
- You are? Really?Copy !req
878. Course I am really.Copy !req
879. What do you think,
this place isn't so bad after all, is it?Copy !req
880. Yeah, it doesn't totally bite.Copy !req
881. It doesn't totally bite.Copy !req
882. Hey, shouldn't we be hangin' backstage
doing peanut butter shots with groupies?Copy !req
883. Woody!
- We totally rocked it!Copy !req
884. I'm sorry, have you met Woody?Copy !req
885. Enchanté, Mademoiselle.Copy !req
886. You really did find
a Pileated Red-Crowned WoodpeckerCopy !req
887. and he's domesticated?Copy !req
888. Well, that depends
on your definition of domesticated.Copy !req
889. Woody here was our drummer.Copy !req
890. No kidding.Copy !req
891. Way to go, Woody.Copy !req
892. Thanks. Always happy to help a...Copy !req
893. friend.Copy !req
894. Anyway, gotta go. Time to forage.Copy !req
895. I don't know about you, I am starving.Copy !req
896. Are you hungry?
- Yes.Copy !req
897. I could kill a corndog.Copy !req
898. And now, Ladies and GentlemenCopy !req
899. the moment we've all been waiting for...Copy !req
900. What's goin' on?
- You'll see.Copy !req
901. Let there be light!Copy !req
902. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad
if they stuck around.Copy !req
903. That gives me an idea.Copy !req
904. Well, what do ya know?
I'm a regular Pablo Peck-casso.Copy !req
905. Maybe... Maybe I've been alone too long.Copy !req
906. Just because I'm one of a kindCopy !req
907. doesn't mean I can't be part
of a family too, right?Copy !req
908. I almost forgot to sign my name.Copy !req
909. What happened?Copy !req
910. No! Argh!Copy !req
911. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do?Copy !req
912. Whoa!
Anyone smell chicken cooking?Copy !req
913. Yikes! It's me!Copy !req
914. No!Copy !req
915. What did I do?Copy !req
916. It's a total loss.Copy !req
917. How does this even happen?Copy !req
918. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to.Copy !req
919. Well, I think we found
the cause of the fire.Copy !req
920. Looks like something was destroying the wall
and hit the wiring.Copy !req
921. Probably a small animal:
mouse or a rat or a bird or something.Copy !req
922. A bird?Copy !req
923. Like a woodpecker?Copy !req
924. That's possible.Copy !req
925. - You!Copy !req
926. Dad, Woody wouldn't have done this.Copy !req
927. It couldn't have been him.
- Really?Copy !req
928. Do you see any other psychotic animals
around here?Copy !req
929. It was that Woodpecker!
- Dad!Copy !req
930. All this time, he's just been...
- Come on!Copy !req
931. lulling me into a fall sense of security,
waiting to strike.Copy !req
932. He couldn't have...Copy !req
933. It's Lance Walters. Remember me?Copy !req
934. Of course we remember you, Mr Walters.Copy !req
935. How can we help you?Copy !req
936. Look, I'm... I'm...
I'm sure we can work you into our schedule.Copy !req
937. Yeah, how about, um...?Copy !req
938. Well, how about... How about right now?Copy !req
939. I didn't mean to.Copy !req
940. Accidents happen.Copy !req
941. Mean, who amongst us
hasn't burned down a house, right?Copy !req
942. Fine. I'll just go back
to the way it was before: No humans.Copy !req
943. Who needs them anyway, right?Copy !req
944. Right?Copy !req
945. Don't you ever have anything to say?Copy !req
946. Who am I kidding?Copy !req
947. I had a good thing goin' with those guys.Copy !req
948. I gotta make it up to themCopy !req
949. help them rebuild, for free this time, too.
No food.Copy !req
950. I could stand to lose an ounce or two.Copy !req
951. Earthquake!Copy !req
952. Whoa.Copy !req
953. - Whoa. Whoa.Copy !req
954. He's all yours, boys.Copy !req
955. My home!Copy !req
956. Happy place.Copy !req
957. Let me outta here! I wasn't read my rights!Copy !req
958. I'm out of order? You're out of order!Copy !req
959. You can't handle the truth!Copy !req
960. - Stick a cork in it, you dumb bird.Copy !req
961. Anyone out there know a good lawyer?Copy !req
962. 500 dollars.
Good job and good riddance.Copy !req
963. De nada.Copy !req
964. Potato, French fries.Copy !req
965. What are you doing? You can't take Woody.Copy !req
966. Tommy, that bird burnt our house down.Copy !req
967. But... But I...
- So long, Woodpecker.Copy !req
968. To think I was actually
starting to like you.Copy !req
969. Dad, they're gonna kill him.
- They're not gonna kill him.Copy !req
970. They're gonna take him out in the mountains
and release him.Copy !req
971. Yep, he'll be free as a, urn...Copy !req
972. Free as a...
- A bird.Copy !req
973. A little on the nose, Nate.Copy !req
974. I was thinkin' more like a wild stallion.Copy !req
975. Dad, Jill and Lyle and me found their barn.Copy !req
976. It's filled with stuffed birds.Copy !req
977. Taxidermists.Copy !req
978. They're gonna kill Woody and stuff him,
I know it.Copy !req
979. You are gonna let him go, right?Copy !req
980. I am as...Copy !req
981. good as my word.Copy !req
982. Yeah, I'm cool. Thanks.Copy !req
983. So long, kid.
You were the first friend I ever had.Copy !req
984. I'm sorry, Woody!Copy !req
985. I will never forgive you.Copy !req
986. Tommy, come on.Copy !req
987. Someday you'll understand
why I had to do this.Copy !req
988. I understand.Copy !req
989. I understand
that whenever something bothers youCopy !req
990. you get rid of itCopy !req
991. like me and Mom.Copy !req
992. Come on, that is not fair and you know it.Copy !req
993. I'm surprised
you didn't have us stuffed, too.Copy !req
994. Tommy.Copy !req
995. Tommy!Copy !req
996. Yeah, you're a real tough guy
when I'm all caged up!Copy !req
997. Why don't you open this cage
and we'll step outside and do this right?Copy !req
998. How about man to bird?Copy !req
999. A lot of chirp and no bite.Copy !req
1000. Hmph!Copy !req
1001. - Guys! Guys!
- Check mate.Copy !req
1002. Woody's been taken. I need your help.Copy !req
1003. What?
- No way!Copy !req
1004. Woody, you weren't tryin'
to burn the house down.Copy !req
1005. No.Copy !req
1006. It's show time.Copy !req
1007. Gentlemen... and LadyCopy !req
1008. this here rare birdCopy !req
1009. is the Holy Grail of rare birds.Copy !req
1010. I give you... the legendaryCopy !req
1011. Pileated Red-Crowned Woodpecker.Copy !req
1012. Hmph.Copy !req
1013. 100 years it has been thought to be extinct.Copy !req
1014. Not only that, Nate,
but everyone thought it had died out.Copy !req
1015. And I'm the one who's an endangered species?Copy !req
1016. Folks, the opportunity
to add this fine taxidermy specimenCopy !req
1017. to your collectionsCopy !req
1018. won't ever come around again.Copy !req
1019. The bidding will start
at 100,000 dollars.Copy !req
1020. Do I have any takers?Copy !req
1021. We can't go in there.
There's people in there.Copy !req
1022. Let's see if there's a back way.Copy !req
1023. We should call the police.Copy !req
1024. They'll never believe us.Copy !req
1025. By the time they do, Woody will be dead.Copy !req
1026. 600,000, thank you.Copy !req
1027. 670, 650, 650.
Do I hear 675? 700 dollars now...Copy !req
1028. Tommy, you came for me.Copy !req
1029. That's my boy.Copy !req
1030. 750,000 dollars, 750,000,
750,000 dollars.Copy !req
1031. Do I hear 800? 825, 825.
850,000 dollars...Copy !req
1032. How do we get him outta there?
- We gotta sneak in and steal him.Copy !req
1033. They'll catch us in a sec.
We have to call the policeCopy !req
1034. or the National Guard.Copy !req
1035. That'll never work.
We gotta lure them out.Copy !req
1036. How about we pretend
we're wealthy eccentric biddersCopy !req
1037. who are willing to pay like
a million dollars for Woody?Copy !req
1038. Sold...Copy !req
1039. - for a million dollars.
- Go, go, go, go, go.Copy !req
1040. Going somewhere?Copy !req
1041. Hey, Sam, have you seen Tommy?Copy !req
1042. No, why?Copy !req
1043. I thought the Woodpecker
burnt my house down on purposeCopy !req
1044. so I hired the Grimes brothers
to capture and get rid of it.Copy !req
1045. He's pretty upset with me.Copy !req
1046. Any chance he might try and rescue it?
- Yeah, maybe.Copy !req
1047. I know where the Grimes' place is. Come on.Copy !req
1048. 900,000 dollars. Going twice.Copy !req
1049. Sold! To the guy in the...
funny lookin' hat!Copy !req
1050. Thank you all so much for bidding.Copy !req
1051. Winner, you have
our electronic transfer information.Copy !req
1052. Funds are due in...Copy !req
1053. ten minutes.Copy !req
1054. I hope you all are comfortable in there.Copy !req
1055. If you two so much as touch a hair
on my friends' headsCopy !req
1056. I'll peck you new ones,
and I ain't talkin' about nostrils!Copy !req
1057. Squawk it up, bird.
It's the last noise you'll ever make.Copy !req
1058. Just so you know,
you're going to jail for this.Copy !req
1059. Ooh, just so you know...Copy !req
1060. Not if they can't catch us!
And we're not stickin' around to get caught!Copy !req
1061. We just sold that little bird
for close to a million dollars stuffed.Copy !req
1062. Otis and me are officially retiring
to Kerching City.Copy !req
1063. Kerching City. That's in China.Copy !req
1064. What?
- Start loading the truck.Copy !req
1065. Please.Copy !req
1066. Excuse me, Mr Poacher, sir,
is that poison gluten free?Copy !req
1067. Aw, don't worry, bird.Copy !req
1068. This is just gonna be like taking a nap.Copy !req
1069. Forever.Copy !req
1070. Don't do this!Copy !req
1071. Whatever you're getting for Woody,
my dad will pay double.Copy !req
1072. I thought you said your dad was broke.Copy !req
1073. You were bluffing.Copy !req
1074. My bad.Copy !req
1075. Nate!Copy !req
1076. Now what?Copy !req
1077. Nate!Copy !req
1078. Otis, are you...'?Copy !req
1079. Well, howdy, Mr Walters.
What can I do ya for?Copy !req
1080. You got a moose problem now or...?Copy !req
1081. I was lookin' for Tommy. He was pretty upset
about the whole woodpecker thingCopy !req
1082. and I... I thought he might've come up here
lookin' for it.Copy !req
1083. Well, you know how kids are about animals.
I'm sure he'll be fine in a couple of days.Copy !req
1084. I'll... I'll keep an eye out for him.Copy !req
1085. Well...Copy !req
1086. see ya around.Copy !req
1087. You guys goin' somewhere?
- No.Copy !req
1088. Our, um...Copy !req
1089. barn has a termite problem.Copy !req
1090. We're just, clearin' out
while we fumigate the place.Copy !req
1091. Yeah, you do not wanna breathe
those chemicals.Copy !req
1092. I learned that the hard way.Copy !req
1093. Wait a minute.Copy !req
1094. I want the woodpecker back.
- You do?Copy !req
1095. You do?
- Yeah, I do.Copy !req
1096. If that's what it takes
to make my son happy, it's worth it.Copy !req
1097. I'm real sorry, Mr Walters, we...
We already let him go.Copy !req
1098. - You did?
- Yeah. He's...Copy !req
1099. He's probably flappin' his way
to Saskatchewan by now.Copy !req
1100. Come on, Lance, let's go find Tommy.Copy !req
1101. Good luck findin' your, you know, kid.Copy !req
1102. Otis, let's stuff that bird
and get the heck outta Dodge.Copy !req
1103. What are you doing?Copy !req
1104. For the past year I've been finding these
wherever there's been poaching.Copy !req
1105. It has to be them.Copy !req
1106. And I bet anything they still have Woody.Copy !req
1107. Get the gun, Otis.Copy !req
1108. - It's time to wrap this up!
- No!Copy !req
1109. - Please don't.
- Don't do this.Copy !req
1110. Hey, don't I get a last request?
Like you let rne go?Copy !req
1111. - No, please, no, no, no, no!
- Please.Copy !req
1112. Hold it right there.Copy !req
1113. We're saved! You two are so goin' down!Copy !req
1114. What the hell!Copy !req
1115. _ You Dut maad!
on In a cage?Copy !req
1116. Well, that was disappointing.Copy !req
1117. The sheriff's on his way.Copy !req
1118. We'll be well over the Canadian border
by the time he gets here.Copy !req
1119. Otis, get me my gun.Copy !req
1120. Dad, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
1121. I just couldn't let them kill Woody.
- Tommy, this is not your fault.Copy !req
1122. If I had listened to you in the first place,
we wouldn't be here.Copy !req
1123. Real heartfelt momentCopy !req
1124. but can we please save the schmaltz
for later?Copy !req
1125. In case you didn't notice,
I'm about to get stuffed!Copy !req
1126. This time...Copy !req
1127. no interruptions.Copy !req
1128. Guess we could kiss the sequel goodbye.Copy !req
1129. That cage was built to hold a bear.Copy !req
1130. You can't escape.Copy !req
1131. Who said anything about me gettin' out?Copy !req
1132. Get ready for a beat down!
- Crud.Copy !req
1133. I wonder who's gonna win.
The suspense is killing me!Copy !req
1134. Take this. And some of these.Copy !req
1135. Where do you think you're going?Copy !req
1136. Whoa!Copy !req
1137. Now that's what I call, takin' out
the trailer trash!Copy !req
1138. Nice job, Woody.Copy !req
1139. Hey, I got your back.Copy !req
1140. Heads up!Copy !req
1141. Get... Get up.Copy !req
1142. Otis! Otis!Copy !req
1143. Woody, don't let them get away!Copy !req
1144. - Come on, come on.
- Woody, go get them!Copy !req
1145. I'm on it!Copy !req
1146. Stop in the name of the law!Copy !req
1147. - Ooh.Copy !req
1148. No. No. No.Copy !req
1149. The truck!
- Keys?Copy !req
1150. The ATV!Copy !req
1151. Take the logging trail
across the border. Go!Copy !req
1152. Ee!Copy !req
1153. I got this.Copy !req
1154. Cue the action chase music!Copy !req
1155. Ha-ha!Copy !req
1156. I'm comin' to get ya!Copy !req
1157. Argh. Whoa!Copy !req
1158. Whoo-hoo-hod. Whoa'.!Copy !req
1159. - I think we lost him.
- Well, come on, let's go!Copy !req
1160. Um.. kick it! Come on!Copy !req
1161. - Going somewhere?
- Whoa. Hold on.Copy !req
1162. Hello, welcome to CanadaCopy !req
1163. You have anything to declare?Copy !req
1164. Quick. Let's go back.
- Get a grip.Copy !req
1165. It's just one little bird.
There's two of us.Copy !req
1166. Oo-ha!Copy !req
1167. Make your move, bird.Copy !req
1168. A knife?Copy !req
1169. I told you he was more chicken
than woodpecker. Let's...Copy !req
1170. What the heck?Copy !req
1171. And for this week's lesson...Copy !req
1172. gravity! Tooda-loo-hee-hoo!Copy !req
1173. Going somewhere?Copy !req
1174. Hey ya, fellas, remember me?Copy !req
1175. Save us.
- Yeah, please lock us up.Copy !req
1176. - Save... Save us from that bird.
- Lock us up. I'm beggin' you.Copy !req
1177. I have been waiting for this day
for a very long time.Copy !req
1178. That bird is crazy.Copy !req
1179. Who you calling crazy?Copy !req
1180. Now it's your turn to live in a cage. Ha!Copy !req
1181. - So, what do you think?
- It's pretty cool, Dad.Copy !req
1182. It's beautiful.Copy !req
1183. If you think it's beautiful now,
wait 'til it's actually built.Copy !req
1184. Good thing our insurance
covered woodpecker damage.Copy !req
1185. Well, I think you're going to be
very happy here.Copy !req
1186. And since it's a smaller footprintCopy !req
1187. there'll be plenty of room
for the nine hole golf course.Copy !req
1188. I'm surprised you didn't want
to build a shopping mall.Copy !req
1189. What an amazing idea!Copy !req
1190. Dad. The surprise.
- Ooh, right.Copy !req
1191. Saved the best for last. Hey, Woody!Copy !req
1192. Woody!
- Is it food o'clock?Copy !req
1193. Woody, I am very sorry
I destroyed your homeCopy !req
1194. but technically you destroyed mine first,
so we're even, but...Copy !req
1195. in the interest of harmonious living,
I got somethin' for ya.Copy !req
1196. Ready?Copy !req
1197. Whoo-hoo! I got a home again!Copy !req
1198. Wow, it's got built in appliances
and granite counter tops.Copy !req
1199. Alright!Copy !req
1200. You guys are my family nowCopy !req
1201. and I never even knew I needed one.Copy !req
1202. Aw, he's giving you love taps.
- Too much love, Woody!Copy !req
1203. Woody, I got it!Copy !req
1204. Night, Dad.
- Night, Tommy.Copy !req
1205. Home sweet home.Copy !req
1206. Don't you just /oove happy endings.Copy !req
1207. Hey! Whoops!Copy !req
1208. My bad.Copy !req
1209. Woody!Copy !req
1210. Gotta fly!Copy !req
1211. Boy, someone's in a hurry for the credits.
See ya!Copy !req
1212. "Troublemaker" by Blaze N VillCopy !req
1213. Guess who!Copy !req
1214. Niagara Falls
is one of the most scenic spotsCopy !req
1215. in all the world.Copy !req
1216. The grandeur of this famous attraction
brings visitors from far and near.Copy !req
1217. It is a favourite spot for honeymooners
who stand and gaze at its wondrous beauty.Copy !req
1218. Niagara affects different people
in different ways.Copy !req
1219. Some people are overcome by a strong urge
to go over the falls in a barrel.Copy !req
1220. Of course, this foolhardy stunt
is now absolutely prohibited.Copy !req
1221. And, I might add, nobody has gone over
since I've been on the job.Copy !req
1222. Nobody?
- Nobody.Copy !req
1223. And I...Copy !req
1224. A barrel?Copy !req
1225. Hey, you, going over the falls in a barrel
is absolutely prohibited!Copy !req
1226. Hey, come back with my barrel.Copy !req
1227. Yikes! No, no, no, nooo!Copy !req
1228. Hooray! Hooray!Copy !req
1229. Well, now I need a new barrel.Copy !req
1230. Good barrel.Copy !req
1231. Good solid barrel.Copy !req
1232. Whoa.Copy !req
1233. - Bring back my barrel!Copy !req
1234. You...!Copy !req
1235. Hooray! Hooray!Copy !req
1236. Come outta there, you.
Crazy woodpecker!Copy !req
1237. I'll show ya! Take that!Copy !req
1238. Now keep out...Copy !req
1239. and stay out!Copy !req
1240. No!Copy !req
1241. Hooray!
- Shut up!Copy !req
1242. A barrel!Copy !req
1243. I know a barrel when I see one!Copy !req
1244. Yow!Copy !req
1245. Hooray! Hooray!Copy !req
1246. Hooray! Hooray!Copy !req
1247. That woodpecker!Copy !req
1248. Before we go over now, men,
is there anyone here without a barrel?Copy !req
1249. Hooray! Hooray!Copy !req
1250. Wh... Which way to Niagara... Falls?Copy !req
1251. Mush!Copy !req
1252. Mush!Copy !req
1253. Mush!Copy !req
1254. Mush!Copy !req
1255. Hush!Copy !req
1256. 1% D00, doo, doc, doc, doo-doo-dee, da-doo'. 1tCopy !req
1257. Mush!Copy !req
1258. Now we'll see
who's going over the falls in a barrel.Copy !req
1259. Hooray!Copy !req
1260. So, going over the falls in a barrel?Copy !req
1261. I'm giving you a ticket.Copy !req