1. - Ghostbusters!
- Ghostbusters!
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2. Yeah!
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3. We did it, man!
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4. - Be safe.
- You got it, man.
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5. - Have a great trip.
- Yeah.
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6. When I'm done with probation,
I'm gonna come find you.
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7. I know you will.
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8. All right, I'm out of here.
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9. One last thing.
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10. - Remember this?
- My Indy compass.
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11. - In case you get lost.
- Where'd you get this?
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12. - And you will get lost.
- Yeah, I will get lost.
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13. But it's half the fun.
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14. - Thanks, man.
- Be good.
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15. - Take care of those two fools.
- Have fun.
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16. I will.
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17. Catch you around, boys!
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18. Bye, Billy!
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19. I wonder where he's gonna end up.
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20. He's gonna do great things.
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21. Don't worry.
We're all gonna do great things.
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22. - Are you ready for Tom?
- I'm ready for Tom!
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23. - Let's ride!
- Come on, baby!
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24. Yeah!
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25. Angie! What was that?
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26. Shit. I think it's Tony.
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27. - Tony?
- Get your clothes on!
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28. - What happened to "Tony's in China"?
- This is bad. Get your clothes on...
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29. Hey, Tony.
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30. You're home early, baby.
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31. - Tony?
- What the hell's going on here?
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32. Tony, there's enough of me
to go around.
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33. I'm thinking about a Tom sandwich.
Light on the Tom.
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34. Jerry here has the reworked formula,
so I'll pass the ball on to him.
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35. You're on.
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36. - Now?
- Now.
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37. Right.
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38. Baby! You're home.
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39. Hey.
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40. How was the surf?
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41. Someone's happy to see me.
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42. Well, why wouldn't I be?
Especially tonight.
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43. Wow.
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44. You outdid yourself.
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45. Just seemed like the right night
to outdo oneself, so...
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46. A Thursday?
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47. Honey, don't you think
every night should be special?
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48. Yeah. Yes, every night
should be special, this is true.
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49. But, really,
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50. specifically, there's always one night
a year that just seems right
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51. for a celebration of a specific event.
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52. - Do you know what I'm saying?
- Absolutely.
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53. I love dip.
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54. It's our anniversary!
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55. Our first date!
How many hints do I need to give you?
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56. I must be crazy.
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57. A trip? Great call. Where we going?
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58. I won't do it. I won't play the role
of nagging girlfriend anymore.
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59. Would nagging wife make you happier?
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60. Please tell me that was not
you proposing to me.
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61. Jerry and Denise cannot get
to the phone right now,
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62. because we're doing it!
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63. Jerry, it's Mom.
If you're there, will you please pick up?
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64. Hey, Mom. I can't really talk right now.
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65. What?
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66. Excuse me. Excuse me.
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67. Excuse me, sir? Sir? Excuse me.
You're in my spot.
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68. I don't see your name on it.
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69. Well, actually, yes, my name is on it.
See? Right there, Dr. Mott.
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70. That's me. That's my space.
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71. You got me.
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72. But look at this, pal!
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73. Now, your name's not on it!
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74. Hey! What're you doing? Hey! Hey!
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75. Hey, you get back. You get back.
I'm not afraid to use this!
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76. Hey, don't!
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77. - Have a good day, Doc.
- You, too.
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78. I'm Dr. Mott!
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79. Good morning, Sandi. TGIF.
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80. What's that, Dr. Mott?
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81. Thank goodness it's Friday.
Happy Friday.
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82. It's the weekend. Hurray.
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83. Right.
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84. "TGIF."
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85. That was great. So smart.
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86. Why don't you just ask her out,
you dumb-ass?
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87. It's Jerry Conlaine.
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88. - He says it's very important.
- Okay.
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89. - Hey, Jerry, how you doing? Long time.
- Hey, Dan.
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90. Listen. There was an accident.
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91. Billy's dead.
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92. - You're kidding.
- Yeah, he...
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93. He was para-surfing
down in Costa Rica.
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94. So the funeral's this weekend.
It's... It's in Oregon.
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95. - Yeah...
- I'm flying out in a couple of hours.
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96. - Can you make it?
- Yeah, I'll be there.
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97. Dano! Hey.
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98. - Hey, Jerry.
- How's it going?
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99. Man.
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100. Oh, my God, is that Everest?
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101. Yeah. You know Billy.
He wasn't afraid of anything.
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102. He did it all.
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103. Did you know he ran with the bulls?
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104. He sent me a postcard from Spain.
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105. - Man, he did great things.
- He did.
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106. I still want you.
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107. Why did you leave me?
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108. Billy.
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109. Billy's dead and he's still got a better
chance of getting laid than I do.
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110. "Leadeth me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
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111. "I walk through the valley
of the shadow..."
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112. What is that?
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113. Tom's here.
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114. "Yea, though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death, I will fear..."
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115. Is this Billy's funeral?
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116. Is that the corpse of Billy Newwood?
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117. Jer, is that you?
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118. You're with Dan?
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119. - Where did you guys park?
- Tom!
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120. Okay. Sorry.
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121. There was a hell of a fender-bender
coming in, and...
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122. - Please continue.
- I-5 was a parking lot.
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123. - I'm so sorry.
- Anyway, I made it.
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124. "Then the earth shook and trembled."
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125. Sorry, Padre.
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126. "The foundations moved
and were shaken..."
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127. My bad. Missed an exit.
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128. "... because he was wroth.
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129. "He bowed the heavens also,
and came down: and darkness was..."
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130. Did you notice how many hot chicks
were at that funeral?
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131. No kidding! It was like a discotheque
with a coffin in the middle.
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132. - Look at that.
- Holy...
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133. Fort Cooper. Can you believe it?
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134. God, I remember it being taller.
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135. Wow.
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136. There it is.
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137. Race you to the top!
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138. - Dano, come on up, buddy!
- Come on, Dan.
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139. You guys are hammered!
I'm not climbing up a 20-year-old rope.
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140. - That's crazy.
- Tommy, catch.
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141. This whole thing seems
a little insane for us to be doing,
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142. climbing with the possibility of...
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143. - You all right, Dano?
- Come on, Dano, grab it.
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144. - Give me the rope.
- Come on, Dan!
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145. Use your tippy-toes. There you go.
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146. Cobweb. Look out.
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147. - Oh, my God.
- How small is that door?
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148. Kind of seems about the same, actually.
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149. I hope I don't fall through
the floor of this thing.
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150. Hey! What's up, B.A. Baracus?
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151. Mr. T. How awesome is that?
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152. You guys. Oh, my gosh.
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153. - Look at this.
- Hey, that's our old flag.
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154. - D.B. Cooper's treasure chest.
- Man, look at that thing.
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155. - You remember this?
- Of course, yeah.
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156. Cooper parachuted out of a plane
up north with a bunch of stolen cash.
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157. Gosh, we were obsessed with that.
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158. - Nationwide police hunt and...
- Right.
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159. - He was never found.
- Yeah, we were gonna sneak away,
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160. go up the river, all Huck Finn,
Apocalypse Now style.
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161. Get the loot.
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162. I bet you we spent half our childhood
planning that trip.
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163. It's all Billy ever talked about.
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164. - Let's open it up.
- We have to break the lock.
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165. - I'll break it.
- 38-24-36.
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166. - How do you know that?
- How do you possibly remember that?
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167. Miss 1981, Julie McDonald.
38-24-36. Unforgettable.
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168. Had a passion for cycling. Disliked liars.
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169. You're right.
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170. - What the...
- Do you believe it?
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171. Man! Look at that.
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172. The oath.
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173. "We swear that these things
will remain in this box
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174. "until we find D.B. Cooper's treasure."
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175. Signed, a bunch of kids.
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176. Remember we pricked our fingers,
took a blood oath?
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177. Dan, what's that next to your signature?
That's not blood.
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178. It was earwax. I was afraid of needles.
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179. Should we check out the priceless
treasures of our youth?
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180. - C-3PO.
- C-3PO.
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181. I wonder who put that in.
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182. Let me see that.
That's a collectible now.
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183. - Yeah, right.
- My Brian Bosworth rookie card.
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184. - The Boz.
- Man, I thought he was gonna be
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185. the greatest ever.
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186. "I've been in that box a very long time."
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187. Well, you're free now.
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188. And, Tom, I believe
this is your contribution.
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189. Oh, my God.
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190. That's my first rubber. Boy.
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191. I found this in my dad's pickup
right before he went to jail.
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192. I remember he caught me with it.
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193. Boy, he smacked me right in the head.
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194. What a charming father-and-son tale.
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195. He was funny.
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196. - Hey, what did Billy put in there?
- Yeah, what does he got?
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197. His Indy compass.
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198. I gave this to him before he took off
on his trip. He must've...
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199. I don't know, he must've put it back.
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200. Look at this. It's one of our mix tapes.
Remember we did the DJ intros?
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201. Yeah, let's not Wang Chung tonight.
Burn that.
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202. Wow. You guys, check out this map.
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203. - Looks like Billy left us a treasure map.
- Look at that.
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204. - Not only that...
- This map looks new.
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205. He plotted out the whole trip.
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206. Billy thought D.B. landed right here.
There's no way he did this as a kid.
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207. He must've been adding to the box
over the years.
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208. This is the camping trip
he wanted us to take last summer.
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209. I... I couldn't go.
I was detained in Mexico.
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210. And he wouldn't do it
unless we were all together.
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211. I swear to God, I think he figured it out.
I mean, look at all this research.
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212. He reconstructed the jump.
He pinpointed D.B.'s landing.
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213. That's crazy.
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214. My God.
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215. I'm sorry, you guys, we made an oath.
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216. It all goes back in the box.
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217. It all goes back in the box
until we find the treasure.
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218. So let's go find it.
Let's... Let's take Billy's trip.
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219. - Come on, guys, what do you say?
- I say, "Hell, yes."
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220. - Hell, yes! Right?
- We'll get a canoe.
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221. - Right?
- No.
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222. No. No, I'm...
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223. - No.
- We're all going.
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224. - Listen, I wanna get a lot of rope.
- A rope's good.
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225. All right, I know you guys won't grasp
this concept,
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226. but I have patients and...
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227. Yeah, yeah. I have a Rambo knife.
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228. I am a doctor now.
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229. I am Dr. Mott now!
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230. I have responsibilities.
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231. Your responsibility is to come
treasure hunting with us.
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232. We're 30.
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233. I mean, this might be the last chance
we have to do something
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234. incredibly stupid together.
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235. I agree.
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236. For Billy, Dano.
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237. - Not fair.
- I think it's fair.
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238. All right.
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239. Time to re-up on our oath, boys.
Fingers up.
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240. - Hey, put that away. Tom...
- I love the way you work.
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241. - You know who I'm talking to.
- There's no way I'm going. No chance!
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242. No! You guys, no! Hey. Let go of me!
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243. Hey! No, no.
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244. No!
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245. I hate you guys.
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246. We hate you, too,
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.
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247. Hey! Hey! I agreed to come.
You said I could drive.
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248. We drive by my rules. No kissing me.
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249. I cannot believe that Billy kept the Duke
in running shape all these years.
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250. 318 V8, man. They're bulletproof.
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251. How about a little Fort Cooper classic?
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252. This is Rocking Billy Newwood.
I'm here with fellow DJ's.
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253. - Jazzy Jerry.
- Yeah!
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254. Gonzo Tommy.
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255. - Yeah!
- Yeah!
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256. - And Disco Dan.
- Burn, baby, burn!
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257. And we have a special dedication
by Dan's mom, entitled,
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258. "I've had sex with Tom."
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259. I totally did, though.
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260. And usually, it's too late when you
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261. Do you know the words?
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262. Realize what you have
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263. And my mind goes back
To a girl I left
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264. Some years ago
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265. Who told me
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266. Just hold on loosely
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267. But don't let go
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268. The boys together, the open road.
Good tunes, good times.
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269. Good God!
Let's pull off memory highway.
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270. always on
Till the break of dawn
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271. C-O-M-P-T-O-N
And the city they call Long Beach
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272. Putting that shit together
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273. And if it's good enough
To take 'em off a proper chunk
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274. I'll take a small piece
of some of that funky stuff
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275. - It's like this and like that...
- ... like that...
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276. - How do you know all these words?
- He's a doctor.
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277. Doctors study other doctors' work.
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278. - You're a secret Dr. Dre fan.
- God.
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279. - It's like this and like that
- Like this
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280. - and like that...
- ... and like that...
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281. - Well, this is a metropolis. Look at this.
- This place is very remote.
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282. I wish I would've brought my dancing
shoes so we could go clubbing.
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283. Maybe we should find out
where the nearest hospital is.
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284. Let's stay at The Ritz. This is great.
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285. - How are you?
- Hi.
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286. Where are we?
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287. Corner of Bumfuck and
You Got a Purty Mouth.
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288. Hey, I'm gonna make a call.
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289. Wait, Jerry, you should
use my new cell phone.
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290. It's a satellite phone,
so it works everywhere.
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291. And it's got a camera and it's got
an address book and, listen,
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292. - it's even got a personalized ring.
- Nice.
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293. You shouldn't be proud of that, Dan.
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294. - Thanks.
- You're welcome.
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295. Well,
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296. I'm gonna go check out
the canoe situation.
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297. - You want anything?
- Good luck. No, I'm good.
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298. Hello?
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299. Denise. What are you doing home?
Hey.
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300. Hi. Is everything all right?
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301. You know.
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302. - It's as good as it can be.
- Where are you?
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303. On the road.
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304. Good. You're on your way home.
What time do you get in?
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305. I can't wait to see you.
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306. What you looking at, boy?
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307. Here's the thing, the guys and I...
We're going on a treasure hunt.
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308. And I know that sounds dumb,
but it's something that we have to do
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309. for Billy.
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310. That doesn't sound dumb at all.
I completely understand.
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311. - You do?
- Just call me when you get a chance.
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312. But I might be out of the house for a bit.
Yeah, because
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313. my girlfriends and I, we're gonna go
on a search for the lost city of Atlantis.
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314. Maybe my treasure will help
buy your submarine.
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315. - Maybe. Maybe it will.
- Take a picture.
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316. - Hold on.
- I'm on the little guy's back.
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317. - Shut up.
- Go, take a picture.
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318. That's good. That's good.
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319. Hello?
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320. That did not sound like it went well.
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321. Hiya, boys. Nice day.
Just passing through?
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322. No. We're actually from UPS.
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323. Looks like someone ordered
a set of teeth.
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324. - I beg your pardon?
- Taser guns. Dropping them off.
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325. - Anyways...
- So, help me out here, boys.
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326. Where was it you said you was headed?
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327. We're just taking a trip. Our old friend,
Billy, he made this map...
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328. Quiet time. Quiet.
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329. We're just taking a day trip
up Spirit River, Your Honor.
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330. Pretty thick country up there.
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331. You make a couple mistakes up there,
you gone.
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332. You know what, I think we'll be okay.
I was a Boy Scout.
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333. Tom, you were a Boy Scout,
weren't you?
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334. No. But I ate a Brownie once.
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335. You don't wanna play
on the big river, boys.
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336. - Oh, no, we're not playing, we're...
- I got this. You listen to me.
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337. I know a thing or two about rapid-riding
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338. 'cause I was a white-water guide
in Northern California, NoCal.
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339. Here's the thing. I know how to read
a river better than you can read a book.
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340. - Just a little better.
- All right.
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341. - All right. So we're gonna get going?
- That's right.
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342. - Yeah? Thank you, Sheriff.
- See you, Ray-Bans.
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343. You think we got enough booze, Tom?
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344. Maybe you wanna hire a bartender
to come on the trip with us.
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345. What's a camping trip without beer?
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346. Well, it's still a camping trip, actually,
just with less vomiting.
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347. I hear you're a river guide.
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348. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
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349. Class IV, V?
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350. - Which is it?
- Why don't you try putting
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351. those numbers together? That's right.
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352. I've shot a class 45,
and I've never lost a man.
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353. Lie to me. I don't care.
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354. I'm not the one that's going to drown.
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355. All right, fellas. Here we go. Attention.
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356. We christen you Duke II.
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357. Thanks for breaking glass
where my kids play.
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358. Thanks, buddy.
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359. There's a transmitter in the canoe.
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360. That way, if you guys disappear,
at least we'll get our boat back.
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361. It's child's play, guy. We got it.
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362. - It's beautiful!
- This is the best.
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363. - I like it out here.
- This is Spirit River!
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364. Get you out of the doctor's office, Dano.
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365. - It's good to be outside.
- Yeah.
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366. Get you away from that computer, Jer!
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367. - What kind of fish are those?
- That's brown trout.
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368. - That's big fish.
- Brown trout?
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369. - Hey, look, a deer! Wow!
- That's cool.
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370. Right out there in the open.
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371. Hey...
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372. Cheers.
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373. The great outdoors!
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374. - Tom! You guys are spraying me!
- Give me a break,
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375. - I'm writing your name!
- Stop that!
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376. - Hey, don't, don't, don't!
- What, are you gonna melt?
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377. No, but this water is teeming
with microbes.
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378. Stop.
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379. They don't let losers in a splash fight!
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380. So this is Spirit River.
We take that to Widowmaker Bend.
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381. And then we hike the Devil's Staircase,
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382. and that should lead us
to the top of Hellfire Ridge.
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383. What's with all these satanic names?
Isn't there, like, a Fluffy Bunny Way?
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384. No, but there's
a Shut Up You Big Baby Ridge.
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385. Okay, just keep your eyes open
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386. - for our first day's marker.
- What's that?
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387. It's a rock formation called
Grandpa's Nose.
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388. Grandpa's Nose.
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389. Looking for Grandpa's Nose.
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390. I think I see it! It's right there.
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391. Good work, Dan.
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392. Prepare to port.
I'm gonna drink some beer!
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393. I predict you'll be puking in that river
before the end of the night, Tom.
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394. Dry timber.
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395. Hi there, coalminer's daughter.
You want a hand?
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396. Or you can always try these fancy
new things called matches.
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397. I saw how to do this on
the Discovery Channel, okay?
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398. And I'm gonna do it. I got it covered.
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399. Oxygen in there...
Get that right combination...
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400. Stop, drop and roll!
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401. Why would you do that?
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402. I'm with my face right next to the...
And you blow...
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403. - Why would you do that?
- It's warm.
Copy !req
404. It's a nice fire.
Copy !req
405. Hey. We did it.
Copy !req
406. I told you.
Copy !req
407. Do you really want to hurt me?
Copy !req
408. Do you really wanna hear this crap?
Copy !req
409. Please. You liked this song
just as much as I did.
Copy !req
410. When we were kids,
it didn't matter what the song was.
Copy !req
411. We weren't wrapped up
in what was cool and uncool.
Copy !req
412. We just listened to the music.
Copy !req
413. It should be like that now.
Just listen to the song, man.
Copy !req
414. Wow! This song is so uncool.
Copy !req
415. - Well, I like it. It soothes me.
- Dan, what is wrong with you?
Copy !req
416. I'm blessed with good taste.
Copy !req
417. One day, you'll see
I've always been correct.
Copy !req
418. Don't get cocky, 30-year-old Dr. Mott
with 46 years of school under his belt.
Copy !req
419. Excuse me for getting an M.D.
and starting a successful practice.
Copy !req
420. Well, excuse me.
I found a way to make 12 grand a month
Copy !req
421. without having an M.D.
Copy !req
422. Really? How do you do that?
Copy !req
423. Yeah, what, are you running immigrants
over the border again, coyote?
Copy !req
424. Those guys fell asleep in my truck.
Copy !req
425. I thought I'd just gotten shitfaced
and bought a bunch of sombreros.
Copy !req
426. I didn't know
there were dudes underneath.
Copy !req
427. For real, though?
Copy !req
428. Selling Harleys.
It's the greatest gig on the planet.
Copy !req
429. Congrats. I'm happy for you.
Copy !req
430. Seriously, though, you guys both sound
Copy !req
431. - like you're doing great.
- Aren't you?
Copy !req
432. I just don't know if I'm cut out for
the whole family-wife-kids thing.
Copy !req
433. I would kill to have a woman at home
willing to have sex with me every night.
Copy !req
434. And at work, I just sit in my office
and I think,
Copy !req
435. "There's gotta be something better
out there." You know what I mean?
Copy !req
436. - I thought you liked your job.
- I like to surf.
Copy !req
437. Sitting out in the water.
Waiting for that perfect wave.
Copy !req
438. And I also like being out here.
I like this, right now.
Copy !req
439. The first time in months,
no worries, no responsibilities.
Copy !req
440. Just living in the moment.
Copy !req
441. Just like Billy did.
Copy !req
442. Hey. Here's to Billy.
Copy !req
443. - To our dead friend.
- Get them up.
Copy !req
444. Tom.
Copy !req
445. Hey, Dano, what ever happened
Copy !req
446. between you and Cockeyed Katie,
anyway?
Copy !req
447. You know, I don't appreciate
the name-calling.
Copy !req
448. Katie was very attractive.
Copy !req
449. It was a mutual separation.
Copy !req
450. Yeah, between her eyes.
Copy !req
451. That girl had not one,
but two wandering eyes.
Copy !req
452. It was like her eyes were trying
to escape from her head.
Copy !req
453. You know, Tom, I'm sorry she wasn't
up to your high standard of women.
Copy !req
454. No tattoos below the waist,
never worked as a carny.
Copy !req
455. Name one girlfriend of mine
who worked as a carny.
Copy !req
456. Jo Jo, the one who had
her downstairs pierced.
Copy !req
457. Jo Jo. That's one.
Copy !req
458. How do you know what she did
with her downstairs?
Copy !req
459. She had that website,
Copy !req
460. - JoJosDownstairs.com.
- That was a good one.
Copy !req
461. All right, Dano, let's see
what you packed us for dinner.
Copy !req
462. - What is this, astronaut food?
- No. It's a vitamin gel pack.
Copy !req
463. It tastes like watermelon. It's very filling
Copy !req
464. and it preserves well for camping.
Copy !req
465. - It's leaking.
- I'm not an astronaut. I'm an American.
Copy !req
466. And there's fresh salmon
in that river for the taking.
Copy !req
467. - What?
- I'm eating salmon tonight.
Copy !req
468. That's a great idea,
except we didn't bring any fishing gear.
Copy !req
469. Don't need any.
Copy !req
470. - We'll shine them.
- That would kill a fish.
Copy !req
471. Shine the fish, old Cherokee trick.
Copy !req
472. Yeah, I forgot the Cherokee
had been using the flashlight
Copy !req
473. for thousands of years.
Copy !req
474. No, didn't they pioneer the D battery?
Copy !req
475. All right, suckers.
Copy !req
476. Let's see who's eating salmon tonight
and who's eating crow.
Copy !req
477. Why, do you have
a crow-catching trick, too?
Copy !req
478. Yuk it up, astronauts.
They love figure eights.
Copy !req
479. Hey, 100 grand and my left nut says
Copy !req
480. the only thing you catch
out there is a cold.
Copy !req
481. Got it! Grab it!
Copy !req
482. What are you doing?
Copy !req
483. - Fantastic.
- Can you do that again?
Copy !req
484. You owe me 100 grand and the left nut.
Copy !req
485. Are you gonna catch it
when I throw it up?
Copy !req
486. - Yeah, yeah!
- Yeah, yeah, come on!
Copy !req
487. I'm gonna have to use a distinct pattern
now. They got used to the figure eight.
Copy !req
488. It's gonna be tough, but I'll focus.
Copy !req
489. What the hell are you doing?
Copy !req
490. I toss it, you grab it.
That's your part of the deal.
Copy !req
491. What?
Copy !req
492. - What are you doing?
- I'm taking off my shoes.
Copy !req
493. - Why?
- Because I run faster with no shoes.
Copy !req
494. - You can't outrun that bear.
- I don't have to outrun the bear.
Copy !req
495. I just have to outrun you.
Copy !req
496. Stay calm.
Copy !req
497. It's important that you don't
let them smell your fear.
Copy !req
498. - Just follow my lead.
- What are you gonna do?
Copy !req
499. It's a bear! We're all gonna die!
Copy !req
500. Run!
Copy !req
501. It's too fast!
Copy !req
502. Go!
Copy !req
503. Faster!
Copy !req
504. Keep going!
Copy !req
505. Get out!
Copy !req
506. - Go away! Go!
- Get out!
Copy !req
507. - Stay calm. Get in the fetal position.
- God.
Copy !req
508. It won't bother you
if you're in the fetal position.
Copy !req
509. Jer!
Copy !req
510. - Nothing's gonna happen now.
- Is he gone? Is he gone?
Copy !req
511. Abort the fetal position! It's not working!
Copy !req
512. - It's not working!
- Run!
Copy !req
513. No...
Copy !req
514. The bear thinks Dan's her cub.
Copy !req
515. What do we do now?
Copy !req
516. Stay... Stay down.
Don't... Don't make eye contact.
Copy !req
517. - Help me!
- Let's go.
Copy !req
518. This is bad. This is really bad.
Do something.
Copy !req
519. - Go first.
- No, you go first.
Copy !req
520. What...
Copy !req
521. Hey. Where's the bear?
Copy !req
522. He's trying to fatten Dan up
so they can hibernate together.
Copy !req
523. Chew it up and eat it.
Copy !req
524. Eat it.
Copy !req
525. - Stop pretending.
- Dan, you have to eat it.
Copy !req
526. You have to actually eat it.
Copy !req
527. - Okay.
- Bite.
Copy !req
528. Eat it.
Copy !req
529. It's delicious. Very good, thank you.
Copy !req
530. Is there another one?
Copy !req
531. That was good. That was real good.
Copy !req
532. - Let's go.
- Okay.
Copy !req
533. - Move, move, move!
- Up the tree.
Copy !req
534. Go!
Copy !req
535. - Your mom misses you.
- She's in my stuff.
Copy !req
536. Hey, that's my phone.
She ate my phone.
Copy !req
537. How long do you think
she'll keep looking for me?
Copy !req
538. Hour, hour and a half, tops.
Copy !req
539. Bears have very short attention spans.
I know a guy who trains them.
Copy !req
540. Okay.
Copy !req
541. What was that?
Copy !req
542. I don't know, but it scared away
our friend. Let's get out of here.
Copy !req
543. What do you think could happen
if this thing went off right in the boat?
Copy !req
544. - You think we'd die?
- I think you throw it right now.
Copy !req
545. What if I toss it to you
and then you throw it?
Copy !req
546. Elwood, throw it!
Copy !req
547. - Yeah!
- Yeah!
Copy !req
548. - Cue the insane hillbillies.
- What are these freaks doing?
Copy !req
549. They're fishing.
Copy !req
550. Why aren't they using
their flashlights, Tom?
Copy !req
551. - Yeah!
- Yeah!
Copy !req
552. This is exactly what you hear about
Copy !req
553. when people go into the deep woods
in the middle of summertime.
Copy !req
554. Aside from getting all sorts
of diseases and things,
Copy !req
555. they just wind up being the victims
of some kind of unexpected man-rape.
Copy !req
556. How you like me now, boy?
Copy !req
557. - I don't like this...
- Quiet. Go, go.
Copy !req
558. She ate everything.
Including my very expensive cell phone.
Copy !req
559. All right, let's load up.
There's treasure in them hills.
Copy !req
560. Wait a minute, you're not actually
considering continuing, are you?
Copy !req
561. - Why not?
- Well, because I just...
Copy !req
562. I got carried away by a bear. And then
we spent the night sleeping in a tree.
Copy !req
563. Well, we got that out of the way.
Now we can get back on the river.
Copy !req
564. There comes a time in every cub's life
Copy !req
565. when he needs to strike out
and make it on his own.
Copy !req
566. Fine.
Copy !req
567. Fine. But I say we avoid them and we
launch around the bend there, okay?
Copy !req
568. All right, all right. Heave-ho.
Copy !req
569. They call this portage. Or "portage."
Copy !req
570. - What's the map say, Jerry?
- You know, it's a map.
Copy !req
571. It's gonna be... It's gonna be good.
Copy !req
572. Jer, isn't the river supposed to fork?
Copy !req
573. No. It just goes straight the whole way.
Straight shot.
Copy !req
574. Are you sure?
Copy !req
575. We are back in business, boys.
Copy !req
576. All right. Let's rudder back.
Bring the tail out.
Copy !req
577. - It's getting kind of rough, Tom.
- Not bad, I've been in much worse.
Copy !req
578. Really?
Copy !req
579. Not a good time to read a map, Jer.
Copy !req
580. Guys, I wanna pull over.
I need to take some Dramamine...
Copy !req
581. I got the stern.
Work the bow, work the bow, Jer.
Copy !req
582. Guys, let's pull over.
Copy !req
583. This is exactly what you'd expect.
We're doing great.
Copy !req
584. Tom, guide us to the bank.
Copy !req
585. - Watch the current.
- Trees! Trees left!
Copy !req
586. No problem.
That's typical river behavior.
Copy !req
587. - Rocks! Rocks! Keep rowing!
- Tom, you're not guiding us right!
Copy !req
588. I'm not having the fun you promised me!
Copy !req
589. Just keep rowing!
Copy !req
590. - Follow my lead!
- Terrible!
Copy !req
591. Same stroke, same stroke!
Copy !req
592. - Tom?
- Yes?
Copy !req
593. - It's getting big.
- No problem.
Copy !req
594. Like, real big.
Copy !req
595. - I'm in over my head!
- What?
Copy !req
596. - Don't tell me that!
- I'm in over my head!
Copy !req
597. Please don't tell me that!
Copy !req
598. Forward! No, backstroke! Backstroke!
Copy !req
599. Come on!
Copy !req
600. Dano!
Copy !req
601. Tom!
Copy !req
602. Help!
Copy !req
603. Jerry! Help!
Copy !req
604. - Dan! I'm coming!
- Do you see me?
Copy !req
605. - Dan!
- Jerry!
Copy !req
606. - Dano!
- Throw it! Jer!
Copy !req
607. Catch the rope!
Copy !req
608. I got you! Dano!
Copy !req
609. - Dan, come on, baby, I got you.
- Hypothermia!
Copy !req
610. - I'm gonna get hypothermia!
- Come on!
Copy !req
611. You all right? Hold on.
Copy !req
612. - Tom! Tommy!
- Tom!
Copy !req
613. In here, boys!
Copy !req
614. We made it!
Copy !req
615. That's how you go down the rapids!
Copy !req
616. - All right, get in.
- Get up.
Copy !req
617. - I about shit. Did you about shit?
- I about shit.
Copy !req
618. - I did shit.
- Oh, shit.
Copy !req
619. - Oh, shit? What "oh, shit"?
- What? What, what?
Copy !req
620. - Oh, shit!
- Oh, shit!
Copy !req
621. I don't believe this.
Copy !req
622. Tom,
Copy !req
623. - where were you a river guide?
- San Dimas.
Copy !req
624. - Raging Waters?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
625. They had some
serious rapids there, man.
Copy !req
626. - What, class toddler?
- Hey, I was employee of the month
Copy !req
627. at the Monsoon Lagoon.
Copy !req
628. - I knew you were lying.
- Great.
Copy !req
629. - You did?
- I knew it.
Copy !req
630. Well, you're the reason
that we had to launch the boat
Copy !req
631. in the wrong part of the river.
Copy !req
632. Hey, I am not the navigator-map guy.
Copy !req
633. Okay, Jerry, didn't you see on the map
that the river split?
Copy !req
634. I would've, if your friend,
the big-ass bear, didn't eat the map.
Copy !req
635. Hold on a sec. Tom?
Copy !req
636. Were you really employee of the month?
Copy !req
637. No. I lied about that, too.
Copy !req
638. I must have been crazy. I...
Copy !req
639. All right. This trip is officially over.
This is finished! Let's...
Copy !req
640. - Let's just go home.
- I agree. That's a great decision.
Copy !req
641. All we gotta do is jump up over
that 100-foot waterfall,
Copy !req
642. swim upstream 20 miles,
get the sheriff on the phone,
Copy !req
643. he liked us, I remember,
and he'll send out a rescue boat. And...
Copy !req
644. Hey, there's a beer in the river. Cool.
Copy !req
645. Look at this, it's cold.
Copy !req
646. We are in serious trouble, my friends.
Copy !req
647. All data points to us being...
How do you humans say it?
Copy !req
648. Completely screwed?
Copy !req
649. Yeah. You know, that is...
That's a good way to say it.
Copy !req
650. I mean, it pretty much sums it up.
Copy !req
651. I suspect Tom is drunk.
Copy !req
652. I didn't wanna say anything because
Copy !req
653. - he's such a live wire...
- You guys, we're fine.
Copy !req
654. We got the compass.
I've got Billy's compass!
Copy !req
655. - Look, that's east, west, north.
- East...
Copy !req
656. - That's south.
- That's south! That's south!
Copy !req
657. That's great!
Copy !req
658. - What?
- Sorry.
Copy !req
659. It only works with the map.
Copy !req
660. So you're saying you lost the map?
You don't have it?
Copy !req
661. No. I'm saying I forgot to hold on to it
Copy !req
662. while my ass was free-falling
over a 100-foot waterfall.
Copy !req
663. So you don't have it?
Copy !req
664. Hey, do you hear that?
Copy !req
665. - Hell, yeah.
- Hey, that sounds like Creed.
Copy !req
666. I never thought I'd be happy to hear
anything that sounds like Creed.
Copy !req
667. Lights.
Copy !req
668. Thank you, God. Civilization.
Copy !req
669. - Look at that.
- They have a fire.
Copy !req
670. - You think they're cooking food?
- I hope so. I am starving.
Copy !req
671. - Damn it, Elwood. This blade is dull.
- Ain't my fault.
Copy !req
672. - See how I popped off that fish head?
- What is it?
Copy !req
673. I told you not to use my Buck knife.
Copy !req
674. How you like me now, fish?
Copy !req
675. You ain't so tough without a head, huh?
Copy !req
676. What's that? You can't hear me?
Copy !req
677. That's right, 'cause you don't have ears,
Copy !req
678. 'cause you don't have a head,
'cause I cut it off!
Copy !req
679. Okay, that's... I mean,
that's a little weird, right?
Copy !req
680. - We should get out of here.
- Listen, I say we just try talking...
Copy !req
681. Shut it.
Copy !req
682. What the hell was that?
Copy !req
683. - Is that a gun?
- That's a gun.
Copy !req
684. Must've been a possum.
Copy !req
685. Boll weevil.
Copy !req
686. - Guns and fish heads...
- It's okay, Dano, relax.
Copy !req
687. We'll just lay low.
We'll get out of here in a second.
Copy !req
688. - Hey.
- Yeah?
Copy !req
689. - These guys are pot farmers.
- What? How do you know that?
Copy !req
690. Oh, boy. We should go.
Copy !req
691. Lynyrd. Skynyrd. Come here.
Copy !req
692. Don't you go spoil them dogs.
Copy !req
693. Lots of vitamins in these fish heads.
Copy !req
694. Look at that. Skynyrd likes fish heads
almost as much as you do.
Copy !req
695. Do you think they saw us?
Copy !req
696. No, I don't.
Copy !req
697. - What are you doing?
- What?
Copy !req
698. I'll write you a prescription. Let's go.
Copy !req
699. - Come on.
- All right.
Copy !req
700. On my go. Ready?
Copy !req
701. Go, go, back here. Come on.
Copy !req
702. Hey, guys.
Listen. We don't want any trouble.
Copy !req
703. We just got lost on the river, you know?
Copy !req
704. - Hey, can we use your phone?
- Of course.
Copy !req
705. And... Who cares, you know?
Copy !req
706. - Let's go through there.
- Where? There's no door.
Copy !req
707. - Lynyrd, Skynyrd! Get them!
- Come on, Dano.
Copy !req
708. - Good work, buddy.
- Thanks.
Copy !req
709. - Let's go.
- Come on, Dano.
Copy !req
710. Come on!
Copy !req
711. Go, go, go! This way!
Copy !req
712. What did you do?
Copy !req
713. Flares! Why are there flares?
Copy !req
714. Great mother of ganja.
Copy !req
715. Come on! I see them! I got them!
Copy !req
716. - Hey, boys, come back here.
- We ain't gonna hurt you, boys!
Copy !req
717. - We just wanna talk to you.
- There they are. Right there!
Copy !req
718. Damn it, you head to the left,
and I'll cut them off.
Copy !req
719. - Go, go, go!
- They're shooting!
Copy !req
720. I think I got them, Dennis!
Copy !req
721. They're shooting at us! Run!
Copy !req
722. Come on, Dennis, I'm gonna get them!
Copy !req
723. Just keep going!
Copy !req
724. Damn it! I can't see nothing
through this smoke!
Copy !req
725. - We're dead. We're dead!
- We're dead!
Copy !req
726. - We're dead!
- They're gonna... They're gonna...
Copy !req
727. We're gonna die!
Copy !req
728. You set the security flares
too close, Elwood.
Copy !req
729. The whole damn field's on fire.
Copy !req
730. Where the hell are the damn dogs?
Copy !req
731. You guys gotta promise me that
Copy !req
732. you'll never tell my patients
that I got stoned,
Copy !req
733. because if they found out I got stoned,
they'll think that I'm a stoner.
Copy !req
734. The next thing you know,
I won't have a license anymore.
Copy !req
735. And they'll take away all my instruments
and my coat and my office,
Copy !req
736. and I won't have
a parking space anymore.
Copy !req
737. I just don't wanna lose all my stuff.
I lost my legs...
Copy !req
738. Great. We got us
a couple of weed freaks.
Copy !req
739. What the hell are they looking at?
Copy !req
740. Get up, you stoner dogs!
Copy !req
741. Get up. Get up.
Copy !req
742. You gotta move your legs.
Move your legs.
Copy !req
743. I think I see them.
Copy !req
744. They got laser scopes.
They had you pinned.
Copy !req
745. Dudes.
Copy !req
746. Dudes, dudes. Seriously. Seriously.
Copy !req
747. I will give you four cows
for Denise's hand in marriage.
Copy !req
748. I'll give them something to laugh about.
Copy !req
749. Matrix.
Copy !req
750. My back.
Copy !req
751. Cut them off at the river.
Copy !req
752. Jerry, Jerry.
Copy !req
753. Billy! Jesus, Billy!
Copy !req
754. - I miss you.
- You gonna find D.B.'s treasure?
Copy !req
755. I'm just trying to make it
out of here alive.
Copy !req
756. Don't give up. Keep looking.
Hey, is it cool to be a grown-up?
Copy !req
757. Not really, my man.
Copy !req
758. Stop! Stop! You're gonna run into...
Copy !req
759. We can't outrun them. We gotta hide.
Copy !req
760. - Quick, hide.
- How? How?
Copy !req
761. Let's get them!
Copy !req
762. Man, our whole crop is burning!
Those assholes are dead!
Copy !req
763. And the bodies that are attached
to them are dead, too!
Copy !req
764. Dead! D-E-A-D! Dead!
Copy !req
765. - Assholes! A-S-S-H-O...
- Stop spelling!
Copy !req
766. - Come on, you're dead!
- We're gonna get you!
Copy !req
767. - You can only run so far!
- And you can never hide!
Copy !req
768. - Bullfrogs.
- I hate bullfrogs. They're nasty.
Copy !req
769. Don't waste the ammo.
Copy !req
770. Come on, they must've headed up
towards the river.
Copy !req
771. - It crawled straight in my stomach.
- Let's go.
Copy !req
772. I think it laid its eggs in my stomach.
Copy !req
773. You think they're still following us?
Copy !req
774. I don't wanna stop and find out.
Just keep going.
Copy !req
775. It's not all burnt.
I think we're gonna be okay.
Copy !req
776. - You think?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
777. - You think?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
778. Damn it. It's all burnt. Now, I knew it,
Dennis. It's all burnt. Every bit.
Copy !req
779. - They burned it.
- Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
780. - Believe it.
- It's all burnt.
Copy !req
781. The whole damn field is burnt.
But we got a bigger problem, Elwood!
Copy !req
782. We got three bona fide yuppies
out there,
Copy !req
783. lost somewhere,
and we gotta track them.
Copy !req
784. We gotta catch them
and we gotta kill them.
Copy !req
785. I think we can slow down.
I haven't heard dogs or guns for hours.
Copy !req
786. Yeah? You slow down,
get a stick of dynamite up your ass.
Copy !req
787. Calm down, Daniel,
we're gonna be all right.
Copy !req
788. No, we're not, Jerry.
We could really die out here.
Copy !req