1. Mommy's going to the
beauty parlor, darling.Copy !req
2. But I'm leaving you
with your favorite friend, Roger.Copy !req
3. He is going to take
very, very good care of you.Copy !req
4. Because if he doesn't,
he's going back to the science lab!Copy !req
5. P-p-please, don't worry.
Whatever you say.Copy !req
6. Yes, ma'am. Aye, aye, sir. Okeydokey.Copy !req
7. Why, I'll take care of him
like he was my own brother.Copy !req
8. Or my own sister.Copy !req
9. Or my brother's sister.
Or my second cousinCopy !req
10. - who is twice removed.
- Gobble. Cookie.Copy !req
11. Or my ninth cousin, who is nine times
removed from his place outside.Copy !req
12. Or like my 15th cousin, who is 16 times
removed from my mother's side.Copy !req
13. Or like my 27th cousin,
who is 37 times...Copy !req
14. - Cookie.
- ... removed from my father's side.Copy !req
15. Like my 17th cousin, who is
156 times removed from any side!Copy !req
16. I'll save you, Baby!Copy !req
17. Cookie.Copy !req
18. Don't burn yourself,
Baby Herman.Copy !req
19. Who turned out the lights?
It's dark in here.Copy !req
20. Don't they pay their electricity?Copy !req
21. What's happened?
I'll find you, Baby. Where are you?Copy !req
22. - Where are you?
- Cookie.Copy !req
23. Where'd you go?Copy !req
24. What's that smoke?Copy !req
25. Cookie.Copy !req
26. Cookie.Copy !req
27. I'm here, Baby...Copy !req
28. Cookie.Copy !req
29. Cookie.Copy !req
30. - Cut!
- All right. That's it, guys.Copy !req
31. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!Copy !req
32. What the hell
was wrong with that take?Copy !req
33. Nothing with you, Baby Herman.
You were great. You were perfect.Copy !req
34. You were better than perfect.
It's Roger! He keeps blowing his lines!Copy !req
35. - Roger, what's this?
- A tweeting bird?Copy !req
36. "A tweeting bird?" Roger, read
the script. Look what it says!Copy !req
37. It says, "Rabbit gets clunked,
rabbit sees stars."Copy !req
38. Not birds, stars!Copy !req
39. Can we lose the playback, please?Copy !req
40. - Roger, you're killing me! Killing me!
- Cut the playback!Copy !req
41. For cryin' out loud, Roger!Copy !req
42. How many times do we have to
do this damn scene?Copy !req
43. Raoul, I'll be in my trailer, takin' a nap!Copy !req
44. Excuse me, toots.Copy !req
45. My stomach can't take this.
This set is a mess.Copy !req
46. Clean this set up! And get him out
of there, or seal him up in it!Copy !req
47. - Lose the lights! And say "lunch"!
- Lunch!Copy !req
48. That's lunch. We're on a half.Copy !req
49. P-please, Raoul. I can give you stars!Copy !req
50. Just drop the refrigerator on my head
one more time!Copy !req
51. Roger, I dropped it on your head
23 times already.Copy !req
52. - I can take it! Don't worry about me.
- I'm not worried about you.Copy !req
53. I'm worried about the refrigerator.Copy !req
54. I can give you stars. Look. Look!Copy !req
55. Look!Copy !req
56. Please, Raoul,
I can do it, I swear.Copy !req
57. Just give me another chance.
Oh, come on, Raoul.Copy !req
58. Toons.Copy !req
59. Look! Look, Raoul! Look, Raoul!Copy !req
60. Come on, Raoul!Copy !req
61. Mr. Maroon, Mr. Valiant's here to...Copy !req
62. He'll be right with you.Copy !req
63. No, no, no!
Wait until he gets to his feet.Copy !req
64. - Then hit him with the boulder.
- Right, R. K.Copy !req
65. How much do you know
about show business, Mr. Valiant?Copy !req
66. Only there's no business like it,
no business I know.Copy !req
67. Yeah, and there's no business
more expensive.Copy !req
68. I'm 25 grand over budget on
the latest Baby Herman cartoon.Copy !req
69. You saw the rabbit blowin' his lines.Copy !req
70. He can't keep his mind on the work.
You know why?Copy !req
71. One too many refrigerators
dropped on his head?Copy !req
72. Nah, he's a Toon.Copy !req
73. You can drop anything you want
on his head. He'll shake it off.Copy !req
74. But break his heart, he goes to pieces,
just like you or me.Copy !req
75. Read that.Copy !req
76. "Seen cooing over calamari
with not-so-new sugar daddy,"Copy !req
77. "was Jessica Rabbit,
wife of Maroon Cartoon star Roger."Copy !req
78. What's this got to do with me?Copy !req
79. You're the private detective.
You figure it out.Copy !req
80. Look, I don't have time for this.Copy !req
81. Look, Valiant, his wife's poison,
but he thinks she's Betty Crocker.Copy !req
82. I want you to follow her,Copy !req
83. get me a couple of nice, juicy pictures
I can wise the rabbit up with.Copy !req
84. - Forget it. I don't work Toontown.
- What's wrong with Toontown?Copy !req
85. Every Joe loves Toontown.Copy !req
86. Then get Joe to do the job,
'cause I ain't goin'.Copy !req
87. Fella.
You don't want to go to Toontown,Copy !req
88. you don't have to go to Toontown.Copy !req
89. Nobody said you had to
go to Toontown anyway.Copy !req
90. Have a seat, Valiant.Copy !req
91. The rabbit's wife sings at a joint
called the Ink and Paint Club.Copy !req
92. "Toon Revue."
Strictly humans only, okay?Copy !req
93. So what do you think, Valiant?Copy !req
94. Well?Copy !req
95. The job's gonna cost you
100 bucks, plus expenses.Copy !req
96. A hundred bucks?Copy !req
97. - That's ridiculous!
- So's the job.Copy !req
98. All right, all right.
You got your 100 bucks.Copy !req
99. - Have a drink, Eddie.
- I don't mind if I do.Copy !req
100. - I got it.
- Careful, Dave.Copy !req
101. - I got it!
- Dave, you're gonna drop it!Copy !req
102. - I'm not gonna drop it!
- You're droppin' it!Copy !req
103. Watch it! Oh, no! Jeez!Copy !req
104. Come on!Copy !req
105. Kind of jumpy, aren't you, Valiant?Copy !req
106. - It's just Dumbo.
- I know who it is.Copy !req
107. I got him on loan from Disney,
him and half the cast of Fantasia.Copy !req
108. The best part isCopy !req
109. they work for peanuts.Copy !req
110. Well, I don't work for peanuts.
Where's the other 50?Copy !req
111. Let's call the other 50
a carrot to finish the job.Copy !req
112. You've been hanging
around rabbits too long.Copy !req
113. W-Whoop! Whoop!Copy !req
114. W-w-Copy !req
115. Oh, excuse me!Copy !req
116. Please, help. Oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
117. Get out of my way!Copy !req
118. Oh, taxi? Oh, cab?Copy !req
119. Right here! Right here!Copy !req
120. What do I look like, a bank?Copy !req
121. Wait for me!Copy !req
122. - Come on!
- Guys, wait up!Copy !req
123. - Come on, hurry up! Come on, Sig!
- Hurry up!Copy !req
124. - Hey, mister, ain't you got a car?
- Who needs a car in L.A.?Copy !req
125. We got the best public
transportation system in the world.Copy !req
126. - Hey, so long.
- See you later!Copy !req
127. - So long, mister!
- Thanks for the cigarettes.Copy !req
128. - You bet.
- Anytime.Copy !req
129. - Hi, Harry.
- Hey, Eddie. How's it going?Copy !req
130. Okay. What you got for me?Copy !req
131. The usual bills.Copy !req
132. Hey, give back my ball!Copy !req
133. Hello, fella.Copy !req
134. - Hi, Harry. Are you okay?
- Hey.Copy !req
135. What's with Earl?Copy !req
136. - Laid off?
- A new outfit bought the Red Car.Copy !req
137. Some big company called Cloverleaf.Copy !req
138. No kiddin'. They bought the Red Car?Copy !req
139. Yeah, and put the poor guy on
two weeks' notice. Cutbacks, they said.Copy !req
140. Oh, well.Copy !req
141. Here's to the pencil pushers.
May they all get lead poisoning?Copy !req
142. Tomorrow's Friday, Eddie. You know
what happens here on Friday?Copy !req
143. - Fish special?
- My boss checks the books on Friday.Copy !req
144. And if I don't have that money
I gave you back in the till,Copy !req
145. I'm gonna lose my job.Copy !req
146. Don't bust a button, Dolores.
You've only got one left.Copy !req
147. 50 bucks?Copy !req
148. Where's the rest?Copy !req
149. Well, it's only a snoop job away.Copy !req
150. You got that camera of yours?
Mine's in the shop.Copy !req
151. Wouldn't be the pawn shop
by any chance, would it?Copy !req
152. Oh, come on, Dolores.Copy !req
153. You need the other 50.
I need the camera.Copy !req
154. Any film in there?Copy !req
155. Should be.Copy !req
156. I haven't had that roll
developed since our trip to Catalina.Copy !req
157. - That sure was a long time ago.
- Yeah, that was a long time ago.Copy !req
158. - Let's do that again sometime.
- Yeah, sure, Eddie.Copy !req
159. - That paper even good?
- Just check the scrawl.Copy !req
160. R. K. Maroon, as in Maroon Cartoons?Copy !req
161. Maroon Cartoons?Copy !req
162. Hey. So who's your client,
Mr. Detective-To-The-Stars?Copy !req
163. Chilly Willy?
Or Screwy Squirrel?Copy !req
164. - What do you want to drink?
- I'll take a beer, doll.Copy !req
165. So what happened?
Somebody kidnap Dinky Doodle?Copy !req
166. Cut it out, Angelo.Copy !req
167. Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute. I know.Copy !req
168. You're working for Little Bo Peep.Copy !req
169. She's lost her sheep and
you're gonna help her find them.Copy !req
170. Hey?Copy !req
171. Get this straight, meatball.Copy !req
172. I don't work for Toons!Copy !req
173. So what's his problem?Copy !req
174. - A Toon killed his brother.
- What?Copy !req
175. Dropped a piano on his head.Copy !req
176. Got the password?Copy !req
177. Walt sent me.Copy !req
178. - Nice monkey suit.
- Wiseass.Copy !req
179. All right.Copy !req
180. Hey, look at that!Copy !req
181. Hey! Hey! Cut it out!Copy !req
182. Does anybody understand
what this duck is saying?Copy !req
183. - Most amusing.
- A little more wine.Copy !req
184. I've worked with a lot of wise quackers,
but you are despicable.Copy !req
185. Doggone stubborn nitwit!Copy !req
186. That did it!Copy !req
187. This is the last time I work with
someone with a speech impediment.Copy !req
188. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
189. This means war.Copy !req
190. - What, you think that's funny?
- It's a panic.Copy !req
191. You won't think it's funny
when I stick that pen up your nose.Copy !req
192. Now, calm down, son, will ya? Look,
the stain's gone. It's disappearing ink.Copy !req
193. No hard feelings, I hope.Copy !req
194. - Look, I'm... I'm...
- I know who you are.Copy !req
195. Marvin Acme, the guy that
owns Toontown. The gag king.Copy !req
196. If it's Acme, it's a gasser.Copy !req
197. Put it there, pal.Copy !req
198. The hand buzzer.
It's still our biggest seller.Copy !req
199. Scotch on the rocks.Copy !req
200. And I mean ice!Copy !req
201. This is hot stuff!Copy !req
202. Hey, those ducks are funny.
They never get to finish the act!Copy !req
203. Great. Thanks.Copy !req
204. - Toons.
- Cigars? Cigarettes?Copy !req
205. - Eddie Valiant!
- Betty?Copy !req
206. Long time no see.Copy !req
207. What are you doing here?Copy !req
208. Work's been kinda slow
since cartoons went to color.Copy !req
209. But I still got it, Eddie.
Boop-boop-be-doop, boop!Copy !req
210. Yeah, you still got it.Copy !req
211. What's with him?Copy !req
212. Mr. Acme never misses a night
when Jessica performs.Copy !req
213. Got a thing for rabbits?Copy !req
214. You had plenty moneyCopy !req
215. In 1922Copy !req
216. You let other womenCopy !req
217. Make a fool of youCopy !req
218. Why don't you do rightCopy !req
219. Like some other men do?Copy !req
220. Get out of hereCopy !req
221. Give me some money tooCopy !req
222. She's married to Roger Rabbit?Copy !req
223. Yeah. What a lucky girl.Copy !req
224. Now if you had preparedCopy !req
225. 20 years agoCopy !req
226. You wouldn't be wanderin' nowCopy !req
227. From door to doorCopy !req
228. Why don't you do rightCopy !req
229. Like some other men do?Copy !req
230. Get out of hereCopy !req
231. Give me some money tooCopy !req
232. Get out of hereCopy !req
233. Give me some money tooCopy !req
234. Why don't you do rightCopy !req
235. Like some other menCopy !req
236. Do?Copy !req
237. Who is it?Copy !req
238. Jessica, dear, have no fear.
Your Marvin is here.Copy !req
239. You sure murdered 'em
again tonight, baby.Copy !req
240. I really mean it.
My darling, you were superb.Copy !req
241. You absolutely, truly and honestly
"fashmolyed" that audience.Copy !req
242. You killed them. You slayed them.Copy !req
243. You belted them into little pieces.Copy !req
244. What do you think
you're doin', chump?Copy !req
245. Who are you callin' a chump, chimp?Copy !req
246. And don't let me catch your
peepin' face around here again!Copy !req
247. Got it?Copy !req
248. Ooga-booga!Copy !req
249. Come, my dear Jessica.
Come over here.Copy !req
250. I got everything arranged,
right here on the bed.Copy !req
251. Oh, not tonight, Marvin.
I have a headache.Copy !req
252. Oh, Jessica, you promised.Copy !req
253. Oh, all right.Copy !req
254. But this time, take off that hand buzzer.Copy !req
255. Patty-cake.Copy !req
256. Patty-cake.Copy !req
257. - Patty-cake. Patty-cake.
- Oh, Marvin.Copy !req
258. Patty-cake.Copy !req
259. - Marvin.
- Patty-cake.Copy !req
260. - Patty-cake. Patty-cake.
- Oh, Marvin!Copy !req
261. Patty-cake! Patty-cake!
Patty-cake! Patty-cake!Copy !req
262. - You gotta be kidding me.
- Patty-cake! Patty-cake!Copy !req
263. Patty-cake! Patty-cake!Copy !req
264. I don't believe it!Copy !req
265. Patty-cake! Patty-cake!Copy !req
266. Is that true?Copy !req
267. Take comfort, son.Copy !req
268. You're not the first man whose wife
played patty-cake on him.Copy !req
269. I just don't believe it.Copy !req
270. I won't believe it. I can't believe it.Copy !req
271. I shan't believe it.Copy !req
272. Believe it, kid.Copy !req
273. I took the pictures myself.Copy !req
274. She played patty-cake.Copy !req
275. No, not my Jessica. Not patty-cake.Copy !req
276. This is impossible.
I don't believe it. It can't be!Copy !req
277. It just can't be! Jessica's my wife!Copy !req
278. It's absolutely impossible!Copy !req
279. Jessica's the light of my life,Copy !req
280. the apple of my eye,
the cream in my coffee!Copy !req
281. You better start drinking it black,
'cause Acme's taking the cream now.Copy !req
282. Hard to believe. Marvin Acme's been
my friend and neighbor for 30 years.Copy !req
283. Who would've thought
he was a sugar daddy?Copy !req
284. Somebody must have
made her do it!Copy !req
285. Now drink this, son.
It'll make you feel better.Copy !req
286. Thanks. I needed that.Copy !req
287. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
288. Look, Mr. Maroon.Copy !req
289. I think my work here is finished.Copy !req
290. How about that carrot
you owe me?Copy !req
291. - A deal's a deal.
- Great.Copy !req
292. Thanks.Copy !req
293. Roger, I know all this
seems pretty painful now,Copy !req
294. but you'll find someone new.Copy !req
295. - Won't he, Mr. Valiant?
- Yeah, sure.Copy !req
296. Good-looking guy like that.Copy !req
297. The dames will be
breaking his door down.Copy !req
298. Dames? What dames?Copy !req
299. Jessica is the only one for me!Copy !req
300. You'll see! We'll rise above
this piddling peccadillo!Copy !req
301. We're going to be happy again!Copy !req
302. You got that? Happy.
Capital H-A-P-P-I...Copy !req
303. Well, at least he took it well.Copy !req
304. Oh, Jessica!Copy !req
305. Please tell me it's not true.Copy !req
306. P-p-please!Copy !req
307. Oh, Lieutenant Santino.Copy !req
308. Where'd you come from?Copy !req
309. Gee whiz, Eddie. If you needed money
so bad, why didn't you come to me?Copy !req
310. So I took a couple of
dirty pictures. So kill me.Copy !req
311. I already got a stiff
on my hands, thank you.Copy !req
312. Marvin Acme.Copy !req
313. The rabbit cacked him last night.Copy !req
314. What?Copy !req
315. Now what?Copy !req
316. It's just I haven't been this close
to Toontown for a while.Copy !req
317. Yeeow!Copy !req
318. My biscuits are burnin'!
Fire in the hatch!Copy !req
319. Eee! Great horny toads, that smarts!Copy !req
320. Come on, Eddie.
Let's get this over with.Copy !req
321. I didn't see anything.Copy !req
322. Maybe you heard a noise or something.Copy !req
323. - He's with me.
- Nothin'.Copy !req
324. - Are you sure?
- Come on, kid.Copy !req
325. Are you sure you didn't see anything?Copy !req
326. - What about you, fella?
- I didn't see anything.Copy !req
327. - I came in to work.
- Come on, Lieutenant.Copy !req
328. Just like a Toon to drop
a safe on a guy's head.Copy !req
329. Sorry, Eddie.Copy !req
330. You better wait here, all right?Copy !req
331. You got a positive I. D.?Copy !req
332. Must be.Copy !req
333. Hey, Chisold, get a load of this.Copy !req
334. You've seen one of these?Copy !req
335. - Yeah.
- Hey, guys.Copy !req
336. Didn't you used to be Eddie Valiant?Copy !req
337. Or did you change your name
to Jack Daniels?Copy !req
338. - What's that?
- Paint from the rabbit's glove.Copy !req
339. Mr. Valiant?Copy !req
340. I hope you're proud of yourselfCopy !req
341. and those pictures you took.Copy !req
342. For crying out loud, Mike!
Hey, we need a little help over here!Copy !req
343. Hey, somebody grab those loafers!Copy !req
344. Hey, Mike, come here!Copy !req
345. I got these. Come on. Come on.
Those shoes over there.Copy !req
346. Is this man removing evidence
from the scene of a crime?Copy !req
347. No, Judge Doom. Valiant here
was just pickin' it up for you.Copy !req
348. Weren't you, Eddie?Copy !req
349. - Hand it over.
- Sure.Copy !req
350. His number-one seller.Copy !req
351. I see working for a Toon
has rubbed off on you.Copy !req
352. I wasn't working for a Toon.
I was working for R. K. Maroon.Copy !req
353. Yes, we talked to Mr. Maroon.Copy !req
354. He told us the rabbit
became quite agitatedCopy !req
355. when you showed him the pictures.Copy !req
356. The rabbit said, one way or another,
he and his wife were going to be happy.Copy !req
357. Is that true?Copy !req
358. Hey, pal, do I look like a stenographer?Copy !req
359. Shut your yap, Eddie.
The man's in charge.Copy !req
360. That's all right, Lieutenant.
From the smell of him,Copy !req
361. I'd say it was the booze talking.Copy !req
362. No matter. The rabbit won't get far.
My men will find him.Copy !req
363. Look out!Copy !req
364. - Weasels?
- Yes.Copy !req
365. I find they have
a special gift for the work.Copy !req
366. All right, ya mugs. Fall out.Copy !req
367. - Did you find the rabbit?
- Don't worry, Judge.Copy !req
368. We've got "deformants"
all over the city. We'll find him.Copy !req
369. You wouldn't have any idea where
the rabbit might be, Mr. Valiant?Copy !req
370. Have you tried Walla Walla?
Cucamonga?Copy !req
371. I hear Kokomo's very nice
this time of the year.Copy !req
372. I'm surprised you're not
more cooperative, Mr. Valiant.Copy !req
373. A human has been
murdered by a Toon.Copy !req
374. Don't you appreciate
the magnitude of that?Copy !req
375. Since I've had Toontown
under my jurisdiction,Copy !req
376. my goal has been
to reign in the insanity.Copy !req
377. And the only way to do that is
to make Toons respect the law.Copy !req
378. How did that gargoyle get to be a judge?Copy !req
379. He spread a bunch of simoleons
around Toontown a couple years back,Copy !req
380. bought the election.Copy !req
381. Yeah? What's that?Copy !req
382. Remember how we always thoughtCopy !req
383. there wasn't a way to kill a Toon?Copy !req
384. - Yeah.
- Well, Doom found a way.Copy !req
385. Turpentine, acetone, benzene.Copy !req
386. - He calls it "the dip."
- I'll catch the rabbit, Mr. Valiant.Copy !req
387. Then I'll try him, convict himCopy !req
388. and execute him.Copy !req
389. That's one dead shoe, boss?Copy !req
390. They're not kid gloves, Mr. Valiant.Copy !req
391. But this is how we handle things
down in Toontown.Copy !req
392. I'd think you, of all people,
would appreciate that.Copy !req
393. Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey!
Hey, wait a minute! Hey, hey!Copy !req
394. I've been tryin' to make him quit,
but he just won't listen to me.Copy !req
395. What do you know, you dumb broad?
You got the I.Q. of a rattle.Copy !req
396. - You Valiant?
- Yeah.Copy !req
397. I wanna talk to you about
the Acme murder. Hey, doll.Copy !req
398. Why don't you run downstairs
and get me a racin' form?Copy !req
399. Okay, okay. I'm goin'.Copy !req
400. The lady's man?Copy !req
401. My problem is I got a 50-year-old lust
in a 3-year-old dinky.Copy !req
402. Yeah, must be tough.Copy !req
403. Look, Valiant,
the rabbit didn't kill Acme.Copy !req
404. He's not a murderer. I should know.
He's a dear friend of mine.Copy !req
405. I tell ya, Valiant, the whole thing
stinks like yesterday's diapers.Copy !req
406. Look at this.
The paper said Acme left no will.Copy !req
407. That's a load of succotash.
Every Toon knows Acme had a will.Copy !req
408. He promised to leave Toontown
to us Toons.Copy !req
409. That will is the reason
he got bumped off.Copy !req
410. Has anybody ever seen this will?Copy !req
411. No, but he gave us his solemn oath.Copy !req
412. If you believe that that joker could do
anything solemn, the gag's on you, pal.Copy !req
413. I just figured since you were the one
who got my pal in trouble,Copy !req
414. you might want to help get him out.Copy !req
415. I can pay you.Copy !req
416. Save your money for a pair
of elevator shoes!Copy !req
417. Wait, no! Valiant, no! Oh, my stogie!Copy !req
418. It ain't my fault the rabbit
got himself in trouble.Copy !req
419. All I did was take
a couple of lousy pictures.Copy !req
420. Baby was right.Copy !req
421. The hell with it.Copy !req
422. - How the hell did you get in here?
- Through the mail slot.Copy !req
423. I thought it would be best
if I waited inside,Copy !req
424. seein' as how I'm wanted for murder!Copy !req
425. No kiddin'. Just talkin' to you could
get me a rap for aiding and abetting.Copy !req
426. Wait a minute.
Anybody know you're here?Copy !req
427. Nobody. Not a soul except...Copy !req
428. - Who?
- Well, you see...Copy !req
429. I didn't know where your office was,
so I asked the newsboy.Copy !req
430. He didn't know, so I asked
the fireman, the green grocer,Copy !req
431. the butcher, the baker.
They didn't know.Copy !req
432. But the liquor store guy, he knew.Copy !req
433. In other words, the whole
damn town knows you're here!Copy !req
434. - Get out of here! Come on. Out!
- Hey, take it easy, will ya?Copy !req
435. - Out! Get out! Come on.
- Please, Eddie, don't throw me out!Copy !req
436. - You're making a big mistake!
- Get out of here!Copy !req
437. - I didn't kill anybody! I swear!
- Let go of that door, will ya?Copy !req
438. This whole thing's a setup,
a scam, a frame job.Copy !req
439. Eddie, I could never hurt anybody.Copy !req
440. My whole purpose in lifeCopy !req
441. is to make peopleCopy !req
442. laugh!Copy !req
443. Okay, okay. Sure, I admit it.Copy !req
444. I got a little steamed when you
showed me those pictures of Jessica,Copy !req
445. so I rushed over
to the Ink and Paint Club.Copy !req
446. But she wasn't in her dressing room,
so I wrote her a love letter.Copy !req
447. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.Copy !req
448. You're telling me, in a fit of jealousy,
you wrote your wife a love letter?Copy !req
449. That's right. I know that she was
just an innocent victim of circumstance.Copy !req
450. I suppose you used the old lipstick
on the mirror routine?Copy !req
451. Lipstick, yes. Mirror, no.Copy !req
452. I found a nice, clean piece of paper.Copy !req
453. "Dear Jessica, how do I love thee?
Let me count the ways."Copy !req
454. "One-one thousand, two-one thousand,
three-one thousand..."Copy !req
455. Why didn't you just leave
the letter there?Copy !req
456. Obviously, a poem of this power
and sensitivity must...Copy !req
457. be read in person,
so I went home to wait for her.Copy !req
458. But the weasels were there,
waiting for me.Copy !req
459. So... So I ran.Copy !req
460. So why come to me? I'm the guy
that took the pictures of your wife.Copy !req
461. Yeah, and you're also the guy
that helped all these Toons.Copy !req
462. Everybody knows,
when a Toon's in trouble,Copy !req
463. there's only one place to go,
Valiant and Valiant.Copy !req
464. Not anymore.Copy !req
465. Get out of that chair!Copy !req
466. - That's my brother's chair.
- Yeah. Where is your brother anyway?Copy !req
467. He looks like a sensitive
and sober fellow.Copy !req
468. - That's it. I'm callin' the cops.
- Go ahead. Call the cops.Copy !req
469. I come here for help,
and what do you do?Copy !req
470. You turn me in.
No, no, don't feel guilty about me.Copy !req
471. So long, and thanks for nothin'.Copy !req
472. That's the closet! Stupe.Copy !req
473. Eddie Valiant, you're under arrest.Copy !req
474. Get out!Copy !req
475. Idiot. I got no keys for these cuffs.Copy !req
476. Yah!Copy !req
477. Come on. Get the lead out.
Move it, would ya? Move it!Copy !req
478. Yah! It's the Toon Patrol!Copy !req
479. Hide me, Eddie. P-p-please!Copy !req
480. - Remember. You never saw me.
- Get out of there!Copy !req
481. Don't let 'em find me!Copy !req
482. Come on, Eddie. You're my only hope.Copy !req
483. Open up in the name of the law!Copy !req
484. - That's us.
- P-p-please, Eddie.Copy !req
485. You know there's no justice
for Toons anymore.Copy !req
486. - If the weasels get their hands on me...
- Are you in there?Copy !req
487. - I'm as good as dipped.
- Don't make us play rough, Valiant.Copy !req
488. We just want the rabbit.Copy !req
489. What are we gonna do, Eddie?
What are we gonna do?Copy !req
490. What are we gonna do?Copy !req
491. What's all this "we" stuff?
They just want the rabbit.Copy !req
492. It looks like they gave us
the slip, boss?Copy !req
493. Nah. Valiant's got him
stashed somewhere.Copy !req
494. Hold it right there.Copy !req
495. Hello, boys. I didn't hear you come in.Copy !req
496. Okay, wise guy. Where's the rabbit?Copy !req
497. I haven't seen him.Copy !req
498. - What's in there?
- My lingerie.Copy !req
499. Sheesh, Valiant.Copy !req
500. Search the place, boys.Copy !req
501. And leave no stone unturned.Copy !req
502. Look, Valiant, we got a reliable
tip-off the rabbit was here,Copy !req
503. and it was "corrugated"
by several others.Copy !req
504. So cut the "bullshtick."Copy !req
505. You keep talkin' like that, and
I'm gonna have to wash your mouth out.Copy !req
506. Stop that laughin'!Copy !req
507. You know what happens
when ya can't stop laughin'!Copy !req
508. One of these days,
you're gonna die laughin'.Copy !req
509. As for you, Valiant, step out of line,Copy !req
510. and we'll hang you and your laundryCopy !req
511. out to dry.Copy !req
512. Come on, boys. Let's "am-scray."Copy !req
513. - They're gone.
- Jeepers, Eddie, that was swell.Copy !req
514. You saved my life.
How can I ever repay ya?Copy !req
515. Blecch! For starters,
don't ever kiss me again!Copy !req
516. Stop kicking me. Stop kicking me.Copy !req
517. Dolores. Dolores!Copy !req
518. Dolores!Copy !req
519. Hey, Eddie, you made
the front page today.Copy !req
520. - Yeah, I guess I made some ink.
- And what ink.Copy !req
521. Come on, Eddie. Just let's go. Please!Copy !req
522. So tell me, Eddie.
Is that a rabbit in your pocket,Copy !req
523. or are you just happy to see me?Copy !req
524. Cut the comedy, Dolores.
I've had a very hard day.Copy !req
525. - I gotta get out of these cuffs.
- Oh, swell.Copy !req
526. Jeepers, Eddie,
that almost killed me!Copy !req
527. Boy, what is this?
Some kind of a secret room?Copy !req
528. It's a rotgut room.
A holdover from Prohibition.Copy !req
529. Oh, I get it. A speakeasy,
a gin mill, a hooch parlor.Copy !req
530. - Tools are up here, Eddie.
- Look at this!Copy !req
531. It's a spy hole!Copy !req
532. Jeepers, Eddie!
This would be a great place to hide!Copy !req
533. - Crazy Toon.
- Watch your head!Copy !req
534. I thought you said
you'd never take another Toon case.Copy !req
535. - What'd you have, a change of heart?
- Nothing's changed.Copy !req
536. Somebody's made a patsy out of me,
and I'm going to find out why.Copy !req
537. Hold still, will ya?Copy !req
538. - Does this help?
- Yeah. Thanks.Copy !req
539. You mean to tell me thatCopy !req
540. you could have taken your hand
out of that cuff at any time?Copy !req
541. No, not at any time.
Only when it was funny.Copy !req
542. Get out!Copy !req
543. Come on, Eddie.
Where's your sense of humor?Copy !req
544. He always this funny, or only on days
when he's wanted for murder?Copy !req
545. Listen, my philosophy is this.Copy !req
546. If you don't have a good sense
of humor, you're better off dead.Copy !req
547. You just may get your wish unless
I can figure out what happened to this.Copy !req
548. - What is it, Eddie?
- Just look at it.Copy !req
549. - Mr. Acme's will.
- Yeah.Copy !req
550. And I think Maroon
played the part of sound mindCopy !req
551. and your wife the sound body.Copy !req
552. Why, I resent that innuendo!Copy !req
553. - What's the scheme, Eddie?
- I don't think they got to the will.Copy !req
554. But how do you know?Copy !req
555. Because they were still looking
for it after they killed him.Copy !req
556. Anything I can do?Copy !req
557. Maybe you can go downtown
and check the probate.Copy !req
558. Yeah, check the probate!Copy !req
559. Why, my Uncle Thumper
had a problem with his probate,Copy !req
560. and he had to take these big pills
and drink lots of water.Copy !req
561. - Not prostate, you idiot. Probate!
- Let me get this straight.Copy !req
562. You think that my boss, R. K. MaroonCopy !req
563. dropped a safe on Marvin Acme's headCopy !req
564. so that he could get
his hands on Toontown?Copy !req
565. Yeah.Copy !req
566. That's my hunch.Copy !req
567. Can he stay here
for a couple of days?Copy !req
568. He's not gonna do
anything crazy, is he?Copy !req
569. - Where are you going?
- Back to the office.Copy !req
570. Mr. Valiant. Mr. Valiant?Copy !req
571. You've got the wrong idea
about me, Mr. Valiant.Copy !req
572. I'm a pawn in this, just like Roger.Copy !req
573. Can you help me find him?
Just name your price and I'll pay it.Copy !req
574. Yeah, I bet you would.Copy !req
575. You've gotta have the rabbit
to make the scam work.Copy !req
576. No, no, no. I love my husband.
You've got me all wrong.Copy !req
577. You don't know how hard it is
being a womanCopy !req
578. looking the way I do.Copy !req
579. Yeah, well.Copy !req
580. You don't know how hard
it is being a manCopy !req
581. looking at a woman,
looking the way you do.Copy !req
582. I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way.Copy !req
583. Weren't you the one I caught playing
patty-cake with old man Acme?Copy !req
584. You didn't catch me, Mr. Valiant.
You were set up to take those pictures.Copy !req
585. - What are you talking about?
- Maroon wanted to blackmail Acme.Copy !req
586. I didn't want to have anything
to do with it,Copy !req
587. but he said if I didn't
pose for those patty-cake pictures,Copy !req
588. Roger would never work
in this town again.Copy !req
589. I couldn't let that happen.Copy !req
590. I'd do anything
for my husband, Mr. Valiant.Copy !req
591. - Anything.
- What a wife.Copy !req
592. I'm desperate, Mr. Valiant.
Can't you see how much I need you?Copy !req
593. Dabblin' in watercolors, Eddie?Copy !req
594. Well.Copy !req
595. Sorry.Copy !req
596. Good-bye, Eddie. My offer stands firm.Copy !req
597. Think about it.Copy !req
598. Well!Copy !req
599. Do you want to tell me what she was
doing with her arms around you?Copy !req
600. Probably lookin' for
a good place to stick a knife.Copy !req
601. Come on, Eddie.
I caught you with your pants down!Copy !req
602. Yeah, but I... Dolores, come...Copy !req
603. Come on, Dolores.Copy !req
604. You don't believe a painted hussy
like that could turn my head.Copy !req
605. She's just trying to get
her hands on the rabbit.Copy !req
606. That's not all she's trying
to get her hands on.Copy !req
607. Now, look, Dolores, listen.
Listen to me.Copy !req
608. Look, I want you to go out, I want you
to buy yourself a new swim suit,Copy !req
609. 'cause you and me
are going to Catalina.Copy !req
610. I'm on the verge
of wrappin' up this case.Copy !req
611. No, you're not, Eddie.Copy !req
612. That's what I came to tell you.
I stopped by Probate.Copy !req
613. Maroon's not after Toontown
like you thought.Copy !req
614. It's Cloverleaf that wants
to get their hands on Toontown.Copy !req
615. They put in the highest bid.Copy !req
616. And unless Mr. Acme's will
shows up by midnight tonight,Copy !req
617. Cloverleaf is gonna own Toontown.Copy !req
618. - What? At midnight tonight?
- That's right.Copy !req
619. First they buy the Red Car, then they
want to get their hands on Toontown.Copy !req
620. I don't get it.Copy !req
621. Yes!Copy !req
622. Roger!Copy !req
623. The rabbit. Get the judge.Copy !req
624. A joke don't sit there on your brainCopy !req
625. Nice shirt.Copy !req
626. Who's your tailor, Quasimodo?Copy !req
627. My buddy's Eddie V
A sourpuss, you'll seeCopy !req
628. But when I'm done he'll need no gun
'cause a joker he will beCopy !req
629. C, D, E, F, GCopy !req
630. H, I... I would love
to raise some CainCopy !req
631. Believe me, it's no strain
It feels so great 'cause I'm so tightCopy !req
632. And look, there is no painCopy !req
633. No pain. No pain. No painCopy !req
634. No pain. No pain. No...Copy !req
635. - No!
- Hey, wait!Copy !req
636. Yah!Copy !req
637. Hey, who turned out the lights?Copy !req
638. I can't see a thing! What's goin' on?Copy !req
639. You crazy rabbit!Copy !req
640. I've been out there risking my neck
for you, and what are you doin'?Copy !req
641. Singin' and dancin'!Copy !req
642. But I'm a Toon. Toons
are supposed to make people laugh.Copy !req
643. Sit down!Copy !req
644. You don't understand.
Those people needed to laugh.Copy !req
645. Yeah, and when they're done laughin',
they'll call the cops!Copy !req
646. That guy Angelo would
rat on you for a nickel.Copy !req
647. Not Angelo! He'd never turn me in.Copy !req
648. Why? Because you made him laugh?Copy !req
649. That's right.
A laugh can be a very powerful thing.Copy !req
650. Why, sometimes in life,
it's the only weapon we have.Copy !req
651. Laughter is the most...Copy !req
652. "Ixnay."Ix-nay."Copy !req
653. I'm looking for a murderer.Copy !req
654. A rabbit.Copy !req
655. A Toon rabbit.Copy !req
656. About yea big.Copy !req
657. Look.Copy !req
658. There's no rabbit here,
so don't harass my customers.Copy !req
659. I didn't come here to harass.
I came here to reward.Copy !req
660. Hey. I seen a rabbit.Copy !req
661. Where?Copy !req
662. See?Copy !req
663. - Where?
- He's right here in the bar.Copy !req
664. Say "hello," Harvey.Copy !req
665. I told you so.Copy !req
666. The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down.Copy !req
667. Quite a loony selection
for a group of drunken reprobates.Copy !req
668. He's here!Copy !req
669. Stop that laughing!Copy !req
670. Have you forgotten
what happened last time?Copy !req
671. If you don't stop this laughing,
you're gonna end up dead,Copy !req
672. just like your idiot hyena cousins!Copy !req
673. Say, boss, you want we should
"disresemble" the place?Copy !req
674. No, Sergeant. Disassembling
the place won't be necessary.Copy !req
675. The rabbit is going to come right to me.Copy !req
676. No Toon can resist
the old Shave and a Haircut trick.Copy !req
677. I don't know who's toonier,
you or Doom.Copy !req
678. Roger!Copy !req
679. Ro... Roger.Copy !req
680. Roger, no!Copy !req
681. Roger, don't...Copy !req
682. Shave and a haircutCopy !req
683. Two bitsCopy !req
684. Hey, Judge, what should we do
with the wallflower?Copy !req
685. We'll see to him later.Copy !req
686. Right now I feel like
dispensing some justice.Copy !req
687. Bring me some dip.Copy !req
688. Does the condemned have anything to
say before his sentence is carried out?Copy !req
689. Why, yeah. I...Copy !req
690. Dolores, a bourbon,
and make it a double.Copy !req
691. A fine time for a drink, Eddie.Copy !req
692. Maybe you'd like a bowl
of pretzels to go with it!Copy !req
693. Pour the drink, Dolores.Copy !req
694. Hey, Judge!Copy !req
695. Doesn't a dying rabbit
deserve a last request?Copy !req
696. Yeah! Nose plugs would be nice.Copy !req
697. I think you want a drink.Copy !req
698. - How 'bout it, Judge?
- Well, why not.Copy !req
699. I don't mind prolonging the execution.Copy !req
700. Happy trails.Copy !req
701. No, thanks, Eddie.
I'm tryin' to cut down.Copy !req
702. - Drink the drink!
- But I don't want the drink.Copy !req
703. He doesn't want the drink.Copy !req
704. - He does! You do!
- I don't!Copy !req
705. - I don't! I don't!
- You do!Copy !req
706. - You do! You don't.
- I don't!Copy !req
707. - I do!
- You don't!Copy !req
708. Listen, when I say "I do,"
that means I do!Copy !req
709. Come on.Copy !req
710. Gotcha, kid.Copy !req
711. Come on, Eddie, let's get out of here!Copy !req
712. Move it, pops! Yikes!Copy !req
713. That was quick thinkin', Eddie.
Nothing like using the old spine flower,Copy !req
714. - the wise noodle, the smart puddin'.
- Roger!Copy !req
715. - Yikes! Stop, will ya?
- Let's use this!Copy !req
716. Yah!Copy !req
717. Let's get out of here!
What are you waitin' for?Copy !req
718. There's no damn key!Copy !req
719. Hey, you weasels, let me out of here,
will ya? Come on!Copy !req
720. - I've got to make a livin'!
- Benny, is that you?Copy !req
721. No, it's Eleanor Roosevelt.
Come on, Roger! Get me out of here!Copy !req
722. Eddie, we got ourselves a ride!
Open the doors!Copy !req
723. That's better.Copy !req
724. I can't believe they locked me up
for driving on the sidewalk.Copy !req
725. Come on, Eddie. Get in!Copy !req
726. - It was just a couple of miles.
- I'll drive!Copy !req
727. - But I wanna drive!
- No, I'll drive!Copy !req
728. I'm the cab. Out of my way, pencil neck!Copy !req
729. How about this weather?Copy !req
730. - It never rains!
- Would you beat it!Copy !req
731. They've sprung the cab! Let's go!Copy !req
732. And how about those
Brooklyn Dodgers?Copy !req
733. Are they bums, or what?Copy !req
734. Move over. I'm drivin'!Copy !req
735. Benny, Eddie, we got company!Copy !req
736. Will you look at these two?
Excuse me, ladies!Copy !req
737. Now that's what I call
a couple of road hogs.Copy !req
738. - I'm gonna blow his head off.
- Benny, look out for the Red Car!Copy !req
739. Benny,
there's cops right behind us!Copy !req
740. Not for long, Roger.Copy !req
741. - No!
- Now they're right in front of us.Copy !req
742. Eddie, we're goin' backwards.
Turn us around.Copy !req
743. Give me the wheel. Give me the wheel!Copy !req
744. - The cops are still on our tail!
- I know the cops are on our tail!Copy !req
745. What do you think I am? Benny!Copy !req
746. No. No!Copy !req
747. Pull the lever!Copy !req
748. - Which one?
- Which one?Copy !req
749. Which one?Copy !req
750. I'm gonna ram 'em.Copy !req
751. What the heck?Copy !req
752. I'm gettin' too old for this!Copy !req
753. Jumpin' jeepers!Copy !req
754. Hey, Roger, what do you call
the middle of a song?Copy !req
755. I don't know. A bridge!Copy !req
756. - Well, fellas, where can I drop ya?
- Yeah. Somewhere we can hide.Copy !req
757. I got just the place. And incidentally,Copy !req
758. if you should ever need a ride,
just stick out your thumb.Copy !req
759. Hey, share the road, will ya, lady?Copy !req
760. Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?Copy !req
761. Boy, did you see that?
Nobody takes a wallop like Goofy.Copy !req
762. What timing, what finesse!
What a genius!Copy !req
763. Ouch!Copy !req
764. We're supposed to be hiding.
What's wrong with you?Copy !req
765. What's wrong with you?Copy !req
766. You're the only person
in this theater that isn't laughing.Copy !req
767. Is there nothing that can permeate
your impervious puss?Copy !req
768. Hey, Eddie! Boy, nothin'.Copy !req
769. What could've possibly happened to
you to turn you into such a sourpuss?Copy !req
770. You want to know? I'll tell you.Copy !req
771. - A Toon killed my brother.
- A Toon? No.Copy !req
772. That's right. A Toon.Copy !req
773. We were investigating a robbery at
the First National Bank of Toontown.Copy !req
774. Back in those days, me and Teddy
liked working Toontown.Copy !req
775. We thought it was a lot of laughs.Copy !req
776. Anyway, this guyCopy !req
777. got away with a zillion simoleons.Copy !req
778. We trailed him to a little dive
down on Yockster Street.Copy !req
779. We went in.Copy !req
780. Only he got the drop on us, literally.Copy !req
781. Dropped a piano on us from 15 stories.Copy !req
782. Broke my arm.Copy !req
783. Teddy never made it.Copy !req
784. I never did find out who that guy was.Copy !req
785. All I remember was,Copy !req
786. he was standin' over me, laughin',Copy !req
787. with those burnin' red eyesCopy !req
788. and that high, squeaky voice.Copy !req
789. He disappeared
into Toontown after that.Copy !req
790. No wonder you hate me.Copy !req
791. If a Toon killed my brother,
I'd hate me too!Copy !req
792. Come on, don't cry. I don't hate you.Copy !req
793. - Yes, you do.
- No, I don't.Copy !req
794. You do hate me.Copy !req
795. Otherwise you wouldn't have
yanked my ears all those times.Copy !req
796. Well, I'm sorry I yanked your ears.Copy !req
797. All the times you yanked my ears?Copy !req
798. - All the times I yanked your ears.
- Apology accepted.Copy !req
799. Put 'er there, pal. I feel better. Oh, boy!Copy !req
800. I hope it's another cartoon!Copy !req
801. Jeepers, another stupid newsreel.Copy !req
802. I hate the news.Copy !req
803. - Did you get all my stuff?
- Yes.Copy !req
804. It's all packed up in the car outside.Copy !req
805. Would have been here right after you
called, but I had to shake the weasels.Copy !req
806. Yeah. I'm sorry about
the trouble in the bar.Copy !req
807. Oh, hell. Stuffing olives
for a living wasn't for me anyway.Copy !req
808. Dolores?Copy !req
809. You oughta find yourself a good man.Copy !req
810. But I already have a good man.Copy !req
811. P-p-please, don't mind me.Copy !req
812. You better get going, Eddie.Copy !req
813. A near miss, but this
miss says that's as good as a smile.Copy !req
814. California Cloverleaf...Copy !req
815. Glad Teddy's not here
to see me running awayCopy !req
816. with my tail between my legs.Copy !req
817. It's not so bad
once you get used to it.Copy !req
818. The Pacific Red Car trolley lineCopy !req
819. and the venerated
Maroon Cartoon Studios.Copy !req
820. Here, R.K. Maroon is seen
clinching the dealCopy !req
821. with Cloverleaf's bankers and execsCopy !req
822. in one of the biggest real estate deals
ever in California history.Copy !req
823. - That's it!
- Three-and-a-half million dollars...Copy !req
824. That's the connection!Copy !req
825. Let's forget it.
There's nobody here.Copy !req
826. - Is that it, or are you scared?
- P-p-please! Me, scared?Copy !req
827. Don't be ridiculous.Copy !req
828. When you called Maroon, you told him
you had the will, but you don't.Copy !req
829. When he finds out, he's gonna be mad.Copy !req
830. He might try to kill ya.Copy !req
831. I can handle a Hollywood cream puff.
I just don't want the odds to change.Copy !req
832. Now, you cover my back.Copy !req
833. And if you hear or see anything,
beep the horn twice.Copy !req
834. Yeah, that's it. Beep the horn twice.
Cover your back.Copy !req
835. Boy, I'm ready. Dukes up,
eyes peeled, ears to the ground.Copy !req
836. Why, nobody gets the drop
on Roger Rabbit.Copy !req
837. What's up, Doc?Copy !req
838. Valiant, what are you trying to do,
give me a heart attack?Copy !req
839. You need a heart
before you can have an attack.Copy !req
840. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got the will?Copy !req
841. Sure. I got the will.Copy !req
842. The question is, do you have the way?Copy !req
843. 'Cause I can tell you now,
it ain't gonna come cheap.Copy !req
844. You got a lot of brass
coming up here by yourself.Copy !req
845. Who said I'm here by myself?Copy !req
846. Let me see that will.Copy !req
847. - I told you, I got it.
- I want to see it now!Copy !req
848. "How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways"?Copy !req
849. - This supposed to be a joke?
- No, this is.Copy !req
850. Get up! Come on.Copy !req
851. What are you gonna
do to me, Valiant?Copy !req
852. I'm gonna listen to you
spin the Cloverleaf scenario.Copy !req
853. A story of greed, sex and murder.Copy !req
854. And the parts that I don't like,
I'm gonna edit out.Copy !req
855. You got it all wrong!
I'm a cartoon maker, not a murderer!Copy !req
856. Everybody's got to have a hobby.Copy !req
857. Oh, stop it. Stop it! Stop it!Copy !req
858. The truth is, I had a chance
to sell my studio,Copy !req
859. but Cloverleaf wouldn't buy my property
unless Acme sold them his.Copy !req
860. The stubborn bastard wouldn't sell,Copy !req
861. so I was gonna blackmail Acme with
pictures of him and the rabbit's wife.Copy !req
862. Blackmail, that's all!
I've been around Toons all my life!Copy !req
863. - I didn't want to see 'em destroyed!
- Toons destroyed? Why?Copy !req
864. - If I tell ya, I'm a dead man.
- You're a dead man if you don't tell me.Copy !req
865. Unless Acme's will shows
by midnight tonight,Copy !req
866. Toontown's going to be
live for the free...Copy !req
867. Roger!Copy !req
868. - What the...
- Yeah, what in Sam Hill...Copy !req
869. Eddie Valiant!
Well, you're a sight for sore eyes!Copy !req
870. I ain't seen you in nigh on to five years.Copy !req
871. - Where've you been?
- Drunk.Copy !req
872. - You feeling frisky tonight, fellas?
- Yeah!Copy !req
873. Let's go.Copy !req
874. Yahoo!Copy !req
875. Smile, darn ya, smileCopy !req
876. You know, this old world
is a great world after allCopy !req
877. Smile, darn ya, smileCopy !req
878. And right away watch lady luck
pay you a callCopy !req
879. Things are never black
as they are paintedCopy !req
880. Time for you and joy to get acquaintedCopy !req
881. Hi, Eddie!Copy !req
882. Hi, Eddie! Hi, Eddie! Bye, Eddie!Copy !req
883. Tallyho! Tallyho!Copy !req
884. Get out of here!Copy !req
885. Going up, sir.Copy !req
886. Yah!Copy !req
887. Mind the step, sir.Copy !req
888. Hold on, sir.Copy !req
889. Yah!Copy !req
890. Your floor, sir.Copy !req
891. Have a good day, sir.Copy !req
892. Gotcha.Copy !req
893. A man!Copy !req
894. Lover boy! It's Lena Hyena!Copy !req
895. Oh, no!Copy !req
896. - Oh, "wook," piggies.
- Hi, Tweety.Copy !req
897. This "wittle" piggy went to market.
This "wittle" piggy stayed home.Copy !req
898. - No.
- This "wittle" piggy had roast beef.Copy !req
899. And this "wittle" piggy had...Copy !req
900. Ran out of piggies.Copy !req
901. Yah!Copy !req
902. What's up, Doc? Jumpin' without
a parachute? Kinda dangerous, ain't it?Copy !req
903. Yeah.Copy !req
904. Yeah. You could get killed.Copy !req
905. - You guys got a spare?
- Bugs does.Copy !req
906. - Yeah?
- Yeah, but I don't think you want it.Copy !req
907. - I do! I do! Give it to me!
- Better let him have it, Bugs.Copy !req
908. Okay, Doc. Whatever you say.
Here's the spare.Copy !req
909. Thank you.Copy !req
910. No!Copy !req
911. - Poor fella.
- Yeah. Ain't I a stinker?Copy !req
912. My man!Copy !req
913. Come to Lena!Copy !req
914. Toons. Gets 'em every time.Copy !req
915. - Gesundheit.
- Thank you.Copy !req
916. Valiant?Copy !req
917. I always knew I'd get it in Toontown.Copy !req
918. Behind you!Copy !req
919. Drop it, lady!Copy !req
920. I just saved your life,
and you still don't trust me?Copy !req
921. - I don't trust anybody or anything!
- Not even your own eyes?Copy !req
922. That's the gun that killed R. K. Maroon,
and Doom pulled the trigger.Copy !req
923. - Doom?
- I followed him to the studio,Copy !req
924. but I was too late to stop him.Copy !req
925. That's right!
You'll never stop me!Copy !req
926. - You're dead! You're both dead!
- Doom!Copy !req
927. - Which way'd he go?
- Well, I don't know.Copy !req
928. - Well, he went that-a-way.
- Let's go!Copy !req
929. Dum-dums.Copy !req
930. - Come on.
- Yeah.Copy !req
931. - Oh, no. Where's Roger?
- Roger?Copy !req
932. He chickened out on me
back at the studio.Copy !req
933. No, he didn't.Copy !req
934. I hit him on the head with a frying pan
and put him in the trunkCopy !req
935. so he wouldn't get hurt.Copy !req
936. Makes perfect sense.Copy !req
937. We're obviously not
going anywhere in my car.Copy !req
938. Let's take yours.Copy !req
939. I got a feeling somebody already did.Copy !req
940. From the looks of it,
I'd say it was Roger.Copy !req
941. My honey bunny was never
very good behind the wheel.Copy !req
942. - A better lover than a driver?
- You'd better believe it, buster.Copy !req
943. It's the weasels. This way!Copy !req
944. - We'll take Gingerbread Lane.
- No, wait! No, no!Copy !req
945. Gingerbread Lane's this way.Copy !req
946. So, Valiant, you call a cab, or what?Copy !req
947. Hubba-hubba-hubba.
Allow me, mademoiselle.Copy !req
948. So how long have you
known it was Doom?Copy !req
949. Before poor Marvin Acme was killed,
he confided in meCopy !req
950. that Doom wanted
to get his hands on Toontown,Copy !req
951. and he wouldn't stop at anything.Copy !req
952. So he gave you the will
for safekeeping.Copy !req
953. That's what he told me.Copy !req
954. Except when I opened the envelope,Copy !req
955. there was only
a blank piece of paper inside.Copy !req
956. - A joker to the end.
- So where to, already?Copy !req
957. - My meter's runnin'!
- I have to find my darling husband.Copy !req
958. I'm so worried about him.Copy !req
959. Seriously, what do you see in that guy?Copy !req
960. He makes me laugh.Copy !req
961. I've been dipped!Copy !req
962. What an unfortunate accident. Nothing
more treacherous than a slippery roadCopy !req
963. especially when driving
in a maniacal Toon vehicle.Copy !req
964. Good work, boss.Copy !req
965. Don't just stand there. Help them.Copy !req
966. - Put them in my car.
- Follow me.Copy !req
967. And I think they'll enjoy attending
the ribbon cutting at the Acme Factory.Copy !req
968. Come on, you mugs.Copy !req
969. We searched Valiant, boss.
The will ain't on him.Copy !req
970. - Then frisk the woman!
- I'll handle this one.Copy !req
971. Nice booby trap.Copy !req
972. Do they have the will, or not?Copy !req
973. - Nah, just a stupid love letter.
- No matter.Copy !req
974. I doubt if that will is gonna show up
in the next 15 minutes anyway.Copy !req
975. - What happens in the next 15 minutes?
- Toontown will be legally mine.Copy !req
976. Lock, stock and barrel.Copy !req
977. Benny, is that you?Copy !req
978. No, it's Shirley Temple!Copy !req
979. Jumpin' jeepers! What happened?Copy !req
980. Doom grabbed your wife and Valiant
and took 'em to the Acme Factory.Copy !req
981. The Acme Factory?
I know where that is. Get in!Copy !req
982. Move over, Rog. You've done
enough driving for one night.Copy !req
983. Toontown right on
the other side of the wall, boss.Copy !req
984. You see, Mr. Valiant,
the successful conclusion of this caseCopy !req
985. draws the curtains on my career
as a jurist in Toontown.Copy !req
986. I'm retiring to take a new role
in the private sector.Copy !req
987. That wouldn't be Cloverleaf
Industries by any chance?Copy !req
988. You're looking at the sole stockholder.Copy !req
989. Benny, you go for the cops.
I'm gonna save my wife.Copy !req
990. Be careful with that gun.
This ain't no cartoon, you know.Copy !req
991. This is no way to make a livin'.Copy !req
992. Wouldn't you know. Locked.Copy !req
993. Can you guess what this is?Copy !req
994. Oh, my God! It's dip!Copy !req
995. That's right, my dear. Enough to dip
Toontown off the face of the Earth!Copy !req
996. A vehicle of my own design.Copy !req
997. 5,000 gallons of heated dipCopy !req
998. pumped at enormous velocity
through a pressurized water cannon.Copy !req
999. Toontown will be erased
in a matter of minutes.Copy !req
1000. I suppose you thinkCopy !req
1001. no one's going to notice
Toontown's disappeared?Copy !req
1002. Who's got time to wonder
what happenedCopy !req
1003. to some ridiculous talking miceCopy !req
1004. when you're driving by
at 75 miles an hour?Copy !req
1005. What are you talking about?
There's no road past Toontown.Copy !req
1006. Not yet! Several months ago,Copy !req
1007. I had the good providence to stumble
upon this plan of the city council's.Copy !req
1008. A construction plan of epic proportions.Copy !req
1009. They're calling it a freeway.Copy !req
1010. Freeway? What the hell's a freeway?Copy !req
1011. Eight lanes of shimmering cement
running from here to Pasadena.Copy !req
1012. Smooth, safe, fast.Copy !req
1013. Traffic jams will be a thing of the past.Copy !req
1014. So that's why you killed
Acme and Maroon? For this freeway?Copy !req
1015. - I don't get it.
- Of course not. You lack vision.Copy !req
1016. I see a place where people
get on and off the freeway.Copy !req
1017. On and off, off and on,
all day and all night!Copy !req
1018. Soon, where Toontown once stood
will be a string of gas stations,Copy !req
1019. inexpensive motels, restaurants
that serve rapidly prepared food,Copy !req
1020. tire salons, automobile dealerships,Copy !req
1021. and wonderful, wonderful billboardsCopy !req
1022. reaching as far as the eye can see!Copy !req
1023. - My God, it'll be beautiful.
- Come on!Copy !req
1024. Nobody's gonna
drive this lousy freewayCopy !req
1025. when they can take
the Red Car for a nickel.Copy !req
1026. Oh, they'll drive. They'll have to.Copy !req
1027. You see, I bought the Red Car
so I could dismantle it.Copy !req
1028. What the...Copy !req
1029. Ay, caramba!Copy !req
1030. Okay, nobody move!Copy !req
1031. All right, weasels, grab some sky
or I'll let the judge have it!Copy !req
1032. - You heard me. I said, drop it.
- Roger, darling!Copy !req
1033. Yes, it's me, my dearest.
I'd love to embrace you,Copy !req
1034. but first I have to satisfy
my sense of moral outrage!Copy !req
1035. Put the gun down,
you bucktoothed fool!Copy !req
1036. That's it, Doom! Give me another
excuse to pump you full of lead!Copy !req
1037. You thought you could
get away with it, didn't ya?Copy !req
1038. We Toons may act idiotic,
but we're not stupid!Copy !req
1039. We demand justice,
but the real meaning of the wordCopy !req
1040. probably hits you like a ton of bricks!Copy !req
1041. Roger!Copy !req
1042. - Roger, say something!
- Look, stars!Copy !req
1043. Ready when you are, Raoul.Copy !req
1044. Tie the lovebirds together.Copy !req
1045. Come on, lovebirds. What you want?Copy !req
1046. Put them up on that hook.
Use that escape-proof Toon rope.Copy !req
1047. Time to kill the rabbit.Copy !req
1048. Oh, Roger, you were magnificent.Copy !req
1049. - Was I really?
- Better than Goofy.Copy !req
1050. Roger, darling,
I want you to know I love you.Copy !req
1051. I've loved you more than
any woman's ever loved a rabbit.Copy !req
1052. It's over, Mr. Valiant.Copy !req
1053. - Look out, you fools!
- Not so fast.Copy !req
1054. One of these days, you idiots
are gonna laugh yourselves to death!Copy !req
1055. Shall I "repose" of him right now, boss?Copy !req
1056. Let him watch his Toon friends
get dipped, then shoot him.Copy !req
1057. With pleasure.Copy !req
1058. Everything's funny to you,
ain't it, needle nose?Copy !req
1059. You got a problem with that, Valiant?Copy !req
1060. Nah.Copy !req
1061. I just want you to know something
about the guy you're gonna dip!Copy !req
1062. Now Roger is his name
Laughter is his gameCopy !req
1063. Come on, you dope, untie his rope
and watch him go insaneCopy !req
1064. - He's lost his mind.
- I don't think so.Copy !req
1065. This singing ain't my line
It's tough to make a rhymeCopy !req
1066. If I get stuck
I'm... I'm out of luck...Copy !req
1067. - I'm running out of time!
- Thanks!Copy !req
1068. Hey, Eddie, keep it up!
You're killin' 'em!Copy !req
1069. You're slayin' 'em!
You're knockin' 'em dead!Copy !req
1070. I'm through with taking falls
I'm bouncing off the wallsCopy !req
1071. Without that gun I'd have some fun
I'd kick you in the...Copy !req
1072. - Nose!
- Nose? That don't rhyme with "walls"!Copy !req
1073. No, but this does!Copy !req
1074. Yikes! Oh, my goodness!Copy !req
1075. Jeepers, that was close!Copy !req
1076. Bye-bye!Copy !req
1077. Eddie, hurry! It's coming back!Copy !req
1078. - Oh, no!
- This is it!Copy !req
1079. This isn't it!Copy !req
1080. Wicked witchcraftCopy !req
1081. And although I knowCopy !req
1082. It's strictly tabooCopy !req
1083. When...Copy !req
1084. Don't move.Copy !req
1085. No. No!Copy !req
1086. Yah!Copy !req
1087. Oh, no!Copy !req
1088. Come on, Eddie! Quit playing around!Copy !req
1089. - P-p-please!
- Help!Copy !req
1090. I wasn't worried. Were you?Copy !req
1091. - Hey, look!
- Hey, look!Copy !req
1092. Holy smoke! He's a Toon!Copy !req
1093. - Surprised?
- Not really.Copy !req
1094. That lamebrain freeway idea
could only be cooked up by a Toon.Copy !req
1095. Not just any Toon!Copy !req
1096. Remember me, Eddie?Copy !req
1097. When I killed your brother, I talkedCopy !req
1098. just like this!Copy !req
1099. Jumpin' jeepers.Copy !req
1100. Oh, my goodness! Oh, no!Copy !req
1101. Good-bye, my darling. Good-bye!Copy !req
1102. I think I'm gonna faint.Copy !req
1103. Oh, no!Copy !req
1104. I'm melting!Copy !req
1105. I'm melting! Melting!Copy !req
1106. Eddie! Do something!Copy !req
1107. Hurry up, Eddie!Copy !req
1108. Do something!Copy !req
1109. Eddie, there's dip everywhere!
How are we gonna get down?Copy !req
1110. Jeepers, Eddie, that was a close shave.Copy !req
1111. I thought for sure
our goose was cooked!Copy !req
1112. My hero.Copy !req
1113. - Oh, honey bunny.
- Oh, love cup.Copy !req
1114. Oh, Roger, you were
a pillar of strength.Copy !req
1115. Sister Mary Francis!
What the hell happened in here?Copy !req
1116. I've been a cab for 37 yearsCopy !req
1117. and I've never seen a mess like this!Copy !req
1118. What was that, a rubber mask?Copy !req
1119. Yeah.Copy !req
1120. And this is the rope from the safe
that was dropped on Acme.Copy !req
1121. I think your lab boys will find
that paint's a perfect match.Copy !req
1122. - Judge Doom killed Marvin Acme.
- And R. K. Maroon.Copy !req
1123. And my brother.Copy !req
1124. That's what I call one
seriously disturbed Toon.Copy !req
1125. I wonder who he really was.Copy !req
1126. I'll tell you one thing, Doc.
He weren't no rabbit.Copy !req
1127. - Or a duck.
- Or a dog.Copy !req
1128. - Or a little wooden boy.
- Or a sheep.Copy !req
1129. - Or a woodpecker.
- Or a pussy.Copy !req
1130. - What's that? What is that?
- It's ink.Copy !req
1131. That goof Acme squirted me
with some the other night.Copy !req
1132. - Why it's coming out now, I don't know.
- Here's your answer, Eddie.Copy !req
1133. Acme Disappearing Reappearing Ink.Copy !req
1134. - Boy, that Acme. What a genius!
- Applesauce!Copy !req
1135. If he was such a genius, why didn't he
leave his will where we could find it?Copy !req
1136. Without it, we're just waitin'
for another developer's wrecking ball!Copy !req
1137. - Roger.
- Yeah?Copy !req
1138. That love letter you wrote to your wife
in the Ink and Paint Club.Copy !req
1139. Why don't you read it to her now?Copy !req
1140. Sure, Eddie.
"Dear Jessica, how do I love thee?"Copy !req
1141. "Let me count the ways. I, Marvin Acme,
of sound mind and body..."Copy !req
1142. - It's the will!
- Give me!Copy !req
1143. "Do hereby bequeath in perpetuity"Copy !req
1144. "the property known as Toontown"Copy !req
1145. "to those lovable characters,
the Toons!"Copy !req
1146. Hey, Eddie, that was a pretty
funny dance you did for the weasels.Copy !req
1147. Do you think your days
of being a sourpuss are over?Copy !req
1148. - Only time will tell.
- Yeah. Well, put it there, pal.Copy !req
1149. Yeah.Copy !req
1150. Don't tell me you lost
your sense of humor already.Copy !req
1151. Does this answer your question?Copy !req
1152. Blech! Bleah!Copy !req
1153. Come on, Roger, let's go home.Copy !req
1154. I'll bake you a carrot cake.Copy !req
1155. Smile, darn ya, smileCopy !req
1156. You know, this old world
is a great world after allCopy !req
1157. Smile, darn ya, smileCopy !req
1158. And right away watch lady luck
pay you a callCopy !req
1159. Things are never black
as they are paintedCopy !req
1160. Time for you and joy
to get acquaintedCopy !req
1161. Okay, m-m-move along.
T-T-There's nothing else to see.Copy !req
1162. That's all, folks.Copy !req
1163. I like the sound of that.Copy !req
1164. T-T-T-T-That's all, folks!Copy !req