1. Mommy's going to the
beauty parlor, darling.Copy !req
2. But I'm leaving you
with your favorite friend, Roger.Copy !req
3. He is going to take
very, very good care of you.Copy !req
4. Because if he doesn't,
he's going back to the science lab!Copy !req
5. P-p-please, don't worry.
Whatever you say.Copy !req
6. Yes, ma'am. Aye, aye, sir. Okeydokey.Copy !req
7. Why, I'll take care of him
like he was my own brother.Copy !req
8. Or my own sister. Ow!Copy !req
9. Or my brother's sister.
Or my second cousinCopy !req
10. - who is twice removed.
- Gobble. Cookie.Copy !req
11. Or my ninth cousin, who is nine times
removed from his place outside.Copy !req
12. Or like my 15th cousin, who is 16 times
removed from my mother's side.Copy !req
13. Or like my 27th cousin,
who is 37 times...Copy !req
14. - Cookie.
- ... removed from my father's side.Copy !req
15. Like my 17th cousin, who is
156 times removed from any side!Copy !req
16. - (HORN HONKING)
- Aah!Copy !req
17. I'll save you, Baby!Copy !req
18. Cookie.Copy !req
19. Don't burn yourself,
Baby Herman. Whoa!Copy !req
20. (SPLUTTERING) Whoa! Ah!Copy !req
21. Whoa!Copy !req
22. Whoa! Wow!Copy !req
23. Whoa!Copy !req
24. Who turned out the lights?
It's dark in here.Copy !req
25. Don't they pay their electricity?Copy !req
26. What's happened?
I'll find you, Baby. Where are you?Copy !req
27. - Where are you?
- (GIGGLING) Cookie.Copy !req
28. Where'd you go?Copy !req
29. What's that smoke?
- (GIGGLING, GURGLING)Copy !req
30. Whoa!Copy !req
31. Cookie.Copy !req
32. - (STEAM WHISTLING)
- Wah!Copy !req
33. Cookie.Copy !req
34. I'm here, Baby... Aah!Copy !req
35. Wah!Copy !req
36. Cookie.Copy !req
37. Wah!Copy !req
38. Cookie. Ahh.Copy !req
39. Cut!
All right. That's it, guys.Copy !req
40. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!Copy !req
41. (MAN'S VOICE) What the hell
was wrong with that take?Copy !req
42. Nothing with you, Baby Herman.
You were great. You were perfect.Copy !req
43. You were better than perfect.
It's Roger! He keeps blowing his lines!Copy !req
44. - Roger, what's this?
- A tweeting bird?Copy !req
45. "A tweeting bird?" Roger, read
the script. Look what it says!Copy !req
46. It says, "Rabbit gets clunked,
rabbit sees stars."Copy !req
47. - (MUMBLING INCOHERENTLY)
- Not birds, stars!Copy !req
48. - Can we lose the playback, please?
- (MUSIC STOPS)Copy !req
49. - Roger, you're killing me! Killing me!
- Cut the playback!Copy !req
50. For cryin' out loud, Roger!Copy !req
51. How many times do we have to
do this damn scene?Copy !req
52. Raoul, I'll be in my trailer, takin' a nap!Copy !req
53. - Whoa!
- Excuse me, toots.Copy !req
54. My stomach can't take this.
This set is a mess.Copy !req
55. Clean this set up! And get him out
of there, or seal him up in it!Copy !req
56. - Lose the lights! And say "lunch"!
Lunch!Copy !req
57. - That's lunch. We're on a half.
- (BELL RINGS)Copy !req
58. P-please, Raoul. I can give you stars!Copy !req
59. Just drop the refrigerator on my head
one more time!Copy !req
60. Roger, I dropped it on your head
23 times already.Copy !req
61. - I can take it! Don't worry about me.
- I'm not worried about you.Copy !req
62. I'm worried about the refrigerator.Copy !req
63. - I can give you stars. Look. Look!
- (PAN BANGING)Copy !req
64. Look!Copy !req
65. Please, Raoul,
I can do it, I swear.Copy !req
66. Just give me another chance.
Oh, come on, Raoul.Copy !req
67. (EXHALES) Toons.Copy !req
68. Look! Look, Raoul!
Look, Raoul!Copy !req
69. Come on, Raoul!Copy !req
70. Mr. Maroon, Mr. Valiant's here to...Copy !req
71. - (UPBEAT THEME MUSIC)
- He'll be right with you.Copy !req
72. No, no, no!
Wait until he gets to his feet.Copy !req
73. - Then hit him with the boulder.
- Right, R.K.Copy !req
74. How much do you know
about show business, Mr. Valiant?Copy !req
75. Only there's no business like it,
no business I know.Copy !req
76. Yeah, and there's no business
more expensive.Copy !req
77. I'm 25 grand over budget on
the latest Baby Herman cartoon.Copy !req
78. You saw the rabbit blowin' his lines.Copy !req
79. He can't keep his mind on the work.
You know why?Copy !req
80. One too many refrigerators
dropped on his head?Copy !req
81. Nah, he's a Toon.Copy !req
82. You can drop anything you want
on his head. He'll shake it off.Copy !req
83. But break his heart, he goes to pieces,
just like you or me.Copy !req
84. Read that.Copy !req
85. "Seen cooing over calamari
with not-so-new sugar daddy,"Copy !req
86. "was Jessica Rabbit,
wife of Maroon Cartoon star Roger."Copy !req
87. What's this got to do with me?Copy !req
88. You're the private detective.
You figure it out.Copy !req
89. Look, I don't have time for this.Copy !req
90. Look, Valiant, his wife's poison,
but he thinks she's Betty Crocker.Copy !req
91. I want you to follow her,Copy !req
92. get me a couple of nice, juicy pictures
I can wise the rabbit up with.Copy !req
93. - Forget it. I don't work Toontown.
- What's wrong with Toontown?Copy !req
94. Every Joe loves Toontown.Copy !req
95. Then get Joe to do the job,
'cause I ain't goin'.Copy !req
96. Whoa, fella.
You don't want to go to Toontown,Copy !req
97. you don't have to go to Toontown.Copy !req
98. Nobody said you had to
go to Toontown anyway.Copy !req
99. Have a seat, Valiant.Copy !req
100. The rabbit's wife sings at a joint
called the Ink and Paint Club.Copy !req
101. "Toon Revue."
Strictly humans only, okay?Copy !req
102. So what do you think, Valiant?Copy !req
103. Well?Copy !req
104. The job's gonna cost you
100 bucks, plus expenses.Copy !req
105. A hundred bucks?Copy !req
106. - That's ridiculous!
- So's the job.Copy !req
107. All right, all right.
You got your 100 bucks.Copy !req
108. - Have a drink, Eddie.
- I don't mind if I do.Copy !req
109. - I got it.
Careful, Dave.Copy !req
110. I got it!
- Dave, you're gonna drop it!Copy !req
111. I'm not gonna drop it!
You're droppin' it!Copy !req
112. Watch it! Oh, no! Jeez!Copy !req
113. Come on!Copy !req
114. Kind ofjumpy, aren't you, Valiant?Copy !req
115. - It's just Dumbo.
- I know who it is.Copy !req
116. I got him on loan from Disney,
him and half the cast of Fantasia.Copy !req
117. The best part isCopy !req
118. - they work for peanuts.
- (DUMBO COOING)Copy !req
119. Well, I don't work for peanuts.
Where's the other 50?Copy !req
120. Let's call the other 50
a carrot to finish the job.Copy !req
121. You've been hanging
around rabbits too long.Copy !req
122. Hmph!Copy !req
123. W-Whoop! Whoop!Copy !req
124. W-w-whoa!Copy !req
125. Oh, excuse me!Copy !req
126. - (MAN SCREAMING)
- Oh, oh, oh!Copy !req
127. Please, help. Oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
128. Get out of my way!Copy !req
129. - (CHATTERING)
- Oh, taxi? Oh, cab?Copy !req
130. (LAUGHING) Right here! Right here!Copy !req
131. What do I look like, a bank?Copy !req
132. Wait for me!Copy !req
133. - Come on!
- Guys, wait up!Copy !req
134. - Come on, hurry up! Come on, Sig!
- Hurry up!Copy !req
135. - Hey, mister, ain't you got a car?
- Who needs a car in L.A.?Copy !req
136. We got the best public
transportation system in the world.Copy !req
137. - Hey, so long.
- See you later!Copy !req
138. - So long, mister!
- Thanks for the cigarettes.Copy !req
139. - You bet.
- Anytime.Copy !req
140. - Hi, Harry.
- Hey, Eddie. How's it going?Copy !req
141. Okay. What you got for me?Copy !req
142. The usual bills.Copy !req
143. - (LAUGHING)
- Hey, give back my ball!Copy !req
144. Hello, fella.Copy !req
145. - Hi, Harry. Are you okay?
- Hey.Copy !req
146. What's with Earl?Copy !req
147. - Laid off?
- A new outfit bought the Red Car.Copy !req
148. Some big company called Cloverleaf.Copy !req
149. No kiddin'. They bought the Red Car?Copy !req
150. Yeah, and put the poor guy on
two weeks' notice. Cutbacks, they said.Copy !req
151. (SIGHING) Oh, well.Copy !req
152. Here's to the pencil pushers.
May they all get lead poisoning, huh?Copy !req
153. Tomorrow's Friday, Eddie. You know
what happens here on Friday?Copy !req
154. - Fish special?
- My boss checks the books on Friday.Copy !req
155. And if I don't have that money
I gave you back in the till,Copy !req
156. I'm gonna lose my job.Copy !req
157. Don't bust a button, Dolores.
You've only got one left.Copy !req
158. 50 bucks?Copy !req
159. Where's the rest?Copy !req
160. Well, it's only a snoop job away.Copy !req
161. You got that camera of yours?
Mine's in the shop.Copy !req
162. Wouldn't be the pawn shop
by any chance, would it?Copy !req
163. Oh, come on, Dolores.Copy !req
164. You need the other 50.
I need the camera.Copy !req
165. Any film in there?Copy !req
166. Should be.Copy !req
167. I haven't had that roll
developed since our trip to Catalina.Copy !req
168. - That sure was a long time ago.
- Yeah, that was a long time ago.Copy !req
169. - Let's do that again sometime.
- Yeah, sure, Eddie.Copy !req
170. - That paper even good?
- Just check the scrawl.Copy !req
171. R.K. Maroon, as in Maroon Cartoons?Copy !req
172. (LAUGHING) Maroon Cartoons?Copy !req
173. Hey. So who's your client,
Mr. Detective-To-The-Stars?Copy !req
174. (CHUCKLING) Chilly Willy?
Or Screwy Squirrel?Copy !req
175. - What do you want to drink?
- I'll take a beer, doll.Copy !req
176. So what happened, huh?
Somebody kidnap Dinky Doodle?Copy !req
177. Cut it out, Angelo.Copy !req
178. Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute. I know.Copy !req
179. You're working for Little Bo Peep.Copy !req
180. She's lost her sheep and
you're gonna help her find them.Copy !req
181. Hey?Copy !req
182. Ow!Copy !req
183. Get this straight, meatball.Copy !req
184. I don't work for Toons!Copy !req
185. So what's his problem?Copy !req
186. - A Toon killed his brother.
- What?Copy !req
187. Dropped a piano on his head.Copy !req
188. Got the password?Copy !req
189. Walt sent me.Copy !req
190. - Nice monkey suit.
- Wiseass.Copy !req
191. All right.Copy !req
192. - Hey, look at that!
- (LAUGHING)Copy !req
193. - (POUNDING ON PIANO)
- (QUACKING) Hey! Hey! Cut it out!Copy !req
194. Does anybody understand
what this duck is saying?Copy !req
195. Most amusing.
- A little more wine.Copy !req
196. I've worked with a lot of wise quackers,
(LISPING) but you are despicable.Copy !req
197. Doggone stubborn nitwit!Copy !req
198. That did it! (QUACKING ANGRILY)Copy !req
199. This is the last time I work with
someone with a speech impediment.Copy !req
200. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
201. - Whoa!
- This means war.Copy !req
202. - What, you think that's funny?
- Oh, it's a panic.Copy !req
203. You won't think it's funny
when I stick that pen up your nose.Copy !req
204. Now, calm down, son, will ya? Look,
the stain's gone. It's disappearing ink.Copy !req
205. No hard feelings, I hope.Copy !req
206. - Look, I'm... I'm...
- I know who you are.Copy !req
207. Marvin Acme, the guy that
owns Toontown. The gag king.Copy !req
208. If it's Acme, it's a gasser.Copy !req
209. Put it there, pal.Copy !req
210. The hand buzzer.
It's still our biggest seller.Copy !req
211. Scotch on the rocks.Copy !req
212. And I mean ice!Copy !req
213. This is hot stuff!Copy !req
214. - Wow!
- (GRAND FINALE)Copy !req
215. Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! (LAUGHING)Copy !req
216. Hey, those ducks are funny.
They never get to finish the act!Copy !req
217. Great. Thanks.Copy !req
218. - Toons.
- Cigars? Cigarettes?Copy !req
219. - Eddie Valiant!
- Betty?Copy !req
220. Long time no see.Copy !req
221. What are you doing here?Copy !req
222. Work's been kinda slow
since cartoons went to color.Copy !req
223. But I still got it, Eddie.
Boop-boop-be-doop, boop!Copy !req
224. - Yeah, you still got it.
- (APPLAUDING)Copy !req
225. What's with him?Copy !req
226. Mr. Acme never misses a night
when Jessica performs.Copy !req
227. Got a thing for rabbits, huh?Copy !req
228. (SINGING) You had plenty money.Copy !req
229. In 1922.Copy !req
230. You let other women.Copy !req
231. Make a fool of you.Copy !req
232. Why don't you do right.Copy !req
233. Like some other men do?Copy !req
234. Get out of here.Copy !req
235. Give me some money too.Copy !req
236. She's married to Roger Rabbit?Copy !req
237. Yeah. What a lucky girl.Copy !req
238. Now if you had preparedCopy !req
239. 20 years ago.Copy !req
240. You wouldn't be wanderin' now.Copy !req
241. From door to door.Copy !req
242. Why don't you do right.Copy !req
243. Like some other men do?Copy !req
244. Get out of here.Copy !req
245. Give me some money too.Copy !req
246. Get out of here.Copy !req
247. Give me some money too.Copy !req
248. Why don't you do right.Copy !req
249. Like some other men.Copy !req
250. Do?Copy !req
251. JESSIСA: Who is it?Copy !req
252. Jessica, dear, have no fear.
Your Marvin is here.Copy !req
253. You sure murdered 'em
again tonight, baby.Copy !req
254. I really mean it.
My darling, you were superb.Copy !req
255. You absolutely, truly and honestly
"fashmolyed" that audience.Copy !req
256. You killed them. You slayed them.Copy !req
257. - You belted them into little pieces.
- (GROWLING)Copy !req
258. What do you think
you're doin', chump?Copy !req
259. Who are you callin' a chump, chimp?Copy !req
260. Aah! (GRUNTING)Copy !req
261. And don't let me catch your
peepin' face around here again!Copy !req
262. Got it?Copy !req
263. Ooga-booga!Copy !req
264. Come, my dear Jessica.
Come over here.Copy !req
265. I got everything arranged,
right here on the bed.Copy !req
266. Oh, not tonight, Marvin.
I have a headache.Copy !req
267. Oh, Jessica, you promised.Copy !req
268. Oh, all right.Copy !req
269. But this time, take off that hand buzzer.Copy !req
270. Patty-cake.Copy !req
271. Patty-cake.Copy !req
272. - Patty-cake. Patty-cake.
Oh, Marvin.Copy !req
273. - Marvin! Oh!
Patty-cake.Copy !req
274. - JESSIСA: Marvin.
- Patty-cake.Copy !req
275. - Patty-cake. Patty-cake.
- Oh, Marvin!Copy !req
276. Patty-cake! Patty-cake!
Patty-cake! Patty-cake!Copy !req
277. - You gotta be kidding me.
- Patty-cake! Patty-cake!Copy !req
278. Patty-cake! Patty-cake!Copy !req
279. (CRYING) I don't believe it!Copy !req
280. Patty-cake! Patty-cake!Copy !req
281. Is that true?Copy !req
282. Take comfort, son.Copy !req
283. You're not the first man whose wife
played patty-cake on him.Copy !req
284. I just don't believe it.Copy !req
285. I won't believe it. I can't believe it.Copy !req
286. - I shan't believe it.
- (SPLASHING)Copy !req
287. Believe it, kid.Copy !req
288. I took the pictures myself.Copy !req
289. - She played patty-cake.
- (TREMBLING)Copy !req
290. No, not my Jessica. Not patty-cake.Copy !req
291. This is impossible.
I don't believe it. It can't be!Copy !req
292. It just can't be! Jessica's my wife!Copy !req
293. It's absolutely impossible!Copy !req
294. Jessica's the light of my life,Copy !req
295. the apple of my eye,
the cream in my coffee!Copy !req
296. You better start drinking it black,
'cause Acme's taking the cream now.Copy !req
297. Hard to believe. Marvin Acme's been
my friend and neighbor for 30 years.Copy !req
298. Who would've thought
he was a sugar daddy?Copy !req
299. Somebody must have
made her do it!Copy !req
300. Now drink this, son.
It'll make you feel better.Copy !req
301. (GURGLING) Aah!Copy !req
302. - Aah!
- (HORN BLOWING)Copy !req
303. Thanks. I needed that.Copy !req
304. (PANTING) Son of a bitch.Copy !req
305. Look, Mr. Maroon.Copy !req
306. I think my work here is finished.Copy !req
307. How about that carrot
you owe me, huh?Copy !req
308. - A deal's a deal.
- Great.Copy !req
309. Thanks. Phew.Copy !req
310. Roger, I know all this
seems pretty painful now,Copy !req
311. but you'll find someone new.Copy !req
312. - Won't he, Mr. Valiant?
- Yeah, sure.Copy !req
313. Good-looking guy like that. (LAUGHING)Copy !req
314. The dames will be
breaking his door down.Copy !req
315. Dames? What dames?Copy !req
316. Jessica is the only one for me!Copy !req
317. You'll see! We'll rise above
this piddling peccadillo!Copy !req
318. We're going to be happy again!Copy !req
319. You got that? Happy.
Capital H-A-P-P-I...Copy !req
320. Well, at least he took it well.Copy !req
321. Oh, Jessica!Copy !req
322. Please tell me it's not true.Copy !req
323. P-p-please!Copy !req
324. Oh, Lieutenant Santino.Copy !req
325. Where'd you come from?Copy !req
326. Gee whiz, Eddie. If you needed money
so bad, why didn't you come to me?Copy !req
327. So I took a couple of
dirty pictures. So kill me.Copy !req
328. I already got a stiff
on my hands, thank you.Copy !req
329. Huh?Copy !req
330. Marvin Acme.Copy !req
331. The rabbit cacked him last night.Copy !req
332. What?Copy !req
333. Now what?Copy !req
334. It's just I haven't been this close
to Toontown for a while.Copy !req
335. Yeeow!Copy !req
336. Oof, oof, oof! Ow!Copy !req
337. My biscuits are burnin'!
Fire in the hatch! Ow! Ooh!Copy !req
338. Eee! Great horny toads, that smarts!Copy !req
339. Come on, Eddie.
Let's get this over with.Copy !req
340. I didn't see anything.Copy !req
341. Maybe you heard a noise or something.Copy !req
342. - He's with me.
- Nothin'.Copy !req
343. - Are you sure?
- Come on, kid.Copy !req
344. Are you sure you didn't see anything?Copy !req
345. - What about you, fella?
- I didn't see anything.Copy !req
346. - I came in to work.
- Come on, Lieutenant.Copy !req
347. Just like a Toon to drop
a safe on a guy's head.Copy !req
348. Sorry, Eddie.Copy !req
349. You better wait here, all right?Copy !req
350. You got a positive I.D.?Copy !req
351. Must be.Copy !req
352. Hey, Chisold, get a load of this.Copy !req
353. You've seen one of these?Copy !req
354. - (LAUGHING) Yeah.
- Hey, guys.Copy !req
355. Didn't you used to be Eddie Valiant?
(LAUGHING)Copy !req
356. Or did you change your name
to Jack Daniels?Copy !req
357. - What's that?
- Paint from the rabbit's glove.Copy !req
358. Mr. Valiant?Copy !req
359. I hope you're proud of yourselfCopy !req
360. and those pictures you took.Copy !req
361. For crying out loud, Mike!
Hey, we need a little help over here!Copy !req
362. - (SQUEAKING)
- Hey, somebody grab those loafers!Copy !req
363. Hey, Mike, come here!Copy !req
364. Oh, oh! Oh.Copy !req
365. I got these. Come on. Come on.
Those shoes over there.Copy !req
366. Ow.Copy !req
367. Is this man removing evidence
from the scene of a crime?Copy !req
368. Uh, no, Judge Doom. Valiant here
was just pickin' it up for you.Copy !req
369. Weren't you, Eddie?Copy !req
370. - Hand it over.
- Sure.Copy !req
371. His number-one seller.Copy !req
372. I see working for a Toon
has rubbed off on you.Copy !req
373. I wasn't working for a Toon.
I was working for R.K. Maroon.Copy !req
374. Yes, we talked to Mr. Maroon.Copy !req
375. He told us the rabbit
became quite agitatedCopy !req
376. when you showed him the pictures.Copy !req
377. The rabbit said, one way or another,
he and his wife were going to be happy.Copy !req
378. Is that true?Copy !req
379. Hey, pal, do I look like a stenographer?Copy !req
380. Shut your yap, Eddie.
The man's in charge.Copy !req
381. That's all right, Lieutenant.
From the smell of him,Copy !req
382. I'd say it was the booze talking.Copy !req
383. No matter. The rabbit won't get far.
My men will find him.Copy !req
384. Look out!Copy !req
385. - Weasels?
- Yes.Copy !req
386. I find they have
a special gift for the work.Copy !req
387. All right, ya mugs. Fall out.Copy !req
388. Did you find the rabbit?
- Don't worry, Judge.Copy !req
389. We've got "deformants"
all over the city. We'll find him.Copy !req
390. You wouldn't have any idea where
the rabbit might be, Mr. Valiant?Copy !req
391. Have you tried Walla Walla?
Cucamonga?Copy !req
392. I hear Kokomo's very nice
this time of the year.Copy !req
393. I'm surprised you're not
more cooperative, Mr. Valiant.Copy !req
394. A human has been
murdered by a Toon.Copy !req
395. Don't you appreciate
the magnitude of that?Copy !req
396. Since I've had Toontown
under my jurisdiction,Copy !req
397. my goal has been
to reign in the insanity.Copy !req
398. And the only way to do that is
to make Toons respect the law.Copy !req
399. (WHISPERING)
How did that gargoyle get to be a judge?Copy !req
400. He spread a bunch of simoleons
around Toontown a couple years back,Copy !req
401. bought the election.Copy !req
402. Yeah? What's that?Copy !req
403. Remember how we always thoughtCopy !req
404. there wasn't a way to kill a Toon?Copy !req
405. Yeah.
Well, Doom found a way.Copy !req
406. Turpentine, acetone, benzene.Copy !req
407. - He calls it "the dip."
I'll catch the rabbit, Mr. Valiant.Copy !req
408. - (SQUEAKING)
- Then I'll try him, convict himCopy !req
409. - and execute him.
- (WHIMPERING)Copy !req
410. Gee.Copy !req
411. (LAUGHING)
That's one dead shoe, eh, boss?Copy !req
412. They're not kid gloves, Mr. Valiant.Copy !req
413. But this is how we handle things
down in Toontown.Copy !req
414. I'd think you, of all people,
would appreciate that.Copy !req
415. (SINGING)
La, la, la, la, la, la, laCopy !req
416. Uh... Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey!
Hey, wait a minute! Hey, hey!Copy !req
417. La, la, la, la, la, la, laCopy !req
418. I've been tryin' to make him quit,
but he just won't listen to me.Copy !req
419. What do you know, you dumb broad?
You got the I.Q. of a rattle.Copy !req
420. - You Valiant?
- Yeah.Copy !req
421. I wanna talk to you about
the Acme murder. Hey, psst, doll.Copy !req
422. Why don't you run downstairs
and get me a racin' form?Copy !req
423. Ooh! Okay, okay. I'm goin'.Copy !req
424. The lady's man, huh?Copy !req
425. My problem is I got a 50-year-old lust
in a 3-year-old dinky.Copy !req
426. Yeah, must be tough.Copy !req
427. Look, Valiant,
the rabbit didn't kill Acme.Copy !req
428. He's not a murderer. I should know.
He's a dear friend of mine.Copy !req
429. I tell ya, Valiant, the whole thing
stinks like yesterday's diapers.Copy !req
430. Look at this.
The paper said Acme left no will.Copy !req
431. That's a load of succotash.
Every Toon knows Acme had a will.Copy !req
432. He promised to leave Toontown
to us Toons.Copy !req
433. That will is the reason
he got bumped off.Copy !req
434. Has anybody ever seen this will?Copy !req
435. Uh, no, but he gave us his solemn oath.Copy !req
436. If you believe that that joker could do
anything solemn, the gag's on you, pal.Copy !req
437. I just figured since you were the one
who got my pal in trouble,Copy !req
438. you might want to help get him out.Copy !req
439. I can pay you.Copy !req
440. Save your money for a pair
of elevator shoes!Copy !req
441. Wait, no! Valiant, no! Oh, my stogie!Copy !req
442. Wah!Copy !req
443. It ain't my fault the rabbit
got himself in trouble.Copy !req
444. All I did was take
a couple of lousy pictures.Copy !req
445. Baby was right.Copy !req
446. The hell with it.Copy !req
447. - Aah!
- Aah!Copy !req
448. - How the hell did you get in here?
- Through the mail slot.Copy !req
449. I thought it would be best
if I waited inside,Copy !req
450. seein' as how I'm wanted for murder!Copy !req
451. No kiddin'. Just talkin' to you could
get me a rap for aiding and abetting.Copy !req
452. Wait a minute.
Anybody know you're here?Copy !req
453. Nobody. Not a soul except, uh...Copy !req
454. - Who?
- Well, you see...Copy !req
455. I didn't know where your office was,
so I asked the newsboy.Copy !req
456. He didn't know, so I asked
the fireman, the green grocer,Copy !req
457. the butcher, the baker.
They didn't know.Copy !req
458. But the liquor store guy, he knew.Copy !req
459. In other words, the whole
damn town knows you're here!Copy !req
460. - Get out of here! Come on. Out!
- Hey, take it easy, will ya?Copy !req
461. - Out! Get out! Come on.
- Please, Eddie, don't throw me out!Copy !req
462. - You're making a big mistake!
- Get out of here!Copy !req
463. - I didn't kill anybody! I swear!
- Let go of that door, will ya?Copy !req
464. This whole thing's a setup,
a scam, a frame job. Ow!Copy !req
465. Eddie, I could never hurt anybody. Ow!Copy !req
466. My whole purpose in lifeCopy !req
467. - is to make people.
- (GRUNTING)Copy !req
468. - laugh!
- (BOTH GRUNTING)Copy !req
469. Okay, okay. Sure, I admit it.Copy !req
470. I got a little steamed when you
showed me those pictures of Jessica,Copy !req
471. so I rushed over
to the Ink and Paint Club.Copy !req
472. But she wasn't in her dressing room,
so I wrote her a love letter.Copy !req
473. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.Copy !req
474. You're telling me, in a fit ofjealousy,
you wrote your wife a love letter?Copy !req
475. That's right. I know that she was
just an innocent victim of circumstance.Copy !req
476. I suppose you used the old lipstick
on the mirror routine, huh?Copy !req
477. Lipstick, yes. Mirror, no.Copy !req
478. I found a nice, clean piece of paper.Copy !req
479. "Dear Jessica, how do I love thee?
Let me count the ways."Copy !req
480. "One-one thousand, two-one thousand,
three-one thousand..."Copy !req
481. Why didn't you just leave
the letter there?Copy !req
482. Obviously, a poem of this power
and sensitivity must...Copy !req
483. Aah!Copy !req
484. be read in person,
so I went home to wait for her.Copy !req
485. But the weasels were there,
waiting for me.Copy !req
486. So... So I ran.Copy !req
487. So why come to me? I'm the guy
that took the pictures of your wife.Copy !req
488. Yeah, and you're also the guy
that helped all these Toons.Copy !req
489. Everybody knows,
when a Toon's in trouble,Copy !req
490. there's only one place to go,
Valiant and Valiant.Copy !req
491. Not anymore.Copy !req
492. Get out of that chair!Copy !req
493. - That's my brother's chair.
- Yeah. Where is your brother anyway?Copy !req
494. He looks like a sensitive
and sober fellow.Copy !req
495. - That's it. I'm callin' the cops.
- Go ahead. Call the cops.Copy !req
496. I come here for help,
and what do you do?Copy !req
497. You turn me in.
No, no, don't feel guilty about me.Copy !req
498. So long, and thanks for nothin'.Copy !req
499. That's the closet! Stupe.Copy !req
500. Eddie Valiant, you're under arrest.
(BABBLING)Copy !req
501. Get out!Copy !req
502. - Idiot. I got no keys for these cuffs.
- Huh?Copy !req
503. Yah!Copy !req
504. Come on. Get the lead out.
Move it, would ya? Move it!Copy !req
505. Yah! It's the Toon Patrol!Copy !req
506. Hide me, Eddie. P-p-please!Copy !req
507. - Remember. You never saw me.
- Get out of there!Copy !req
508. - (GRUNTING)
- Don't let 'em find me!Copy !req
509. Come on, Eddie. You're my only hope.Copy !req
510. - (WEASEL KNOCKING)
- Open up in the name of the law!Copy !req
511. - That's us.
- P-p-please, Eddie.Copy !req
512. You know there's no justice
for Toons anymore.Copy !req
513. - If the weasels get their hands on me...
- Are you in there?Copy !req
514. - I'm as good as dipped.
- Don't make us play rough, Valiant.Copy !req
515. We just want the rabbit.Copy !req
516. What are we gonna do, Eddie?
What are we gonna do?Copy !req
517. - What are we gonna do?
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)Copy !req
518. What's all this "we" stuff?
They just want the rabbit.Copy !req
519. It looks like they gave us
the slip, huh, boss?Copy !req
520. Nah. Valiant's got him
stashed somewhere.Copy !req
521. Hold it right there.Copy !req
522. Hello, boys. I didn't hear you come in.Copy !req
523. Okay, wise guy. Where's the rabbit?Copy !req
524. I haven't seen him.Copy !req
525. - (SNIFFING) What's in there?
- My lingerie.Copy !req
526. (GASPING) Sheesh, Valiant.Copy !req
527. Search the place, boys.Copy !req
528. And leave no stone unturned.Copy !req
529. Look, Valiant, we got a reliable
tip-off the rabbit was here,Copy !req
530. and it was "corrugated"
by several others.Copy !req
531. - (GLASS SHATTERING)
- So cut the "bullshtick."Copy !req
532. You keep talkin' like that, and
I'm gonna have to wash your mouth out.Copy !req
533. Stop that laughin'!Copy !req
534. You know what happens
when ya can't stop laughin'!Copy !req
535. One of these days,
you're gonna die laughin'.Copy !req
536. As for you, Valiant, step out of line,Copy !req
537. and we'll hang you and your laundryCopy !req
538. out to dry.Copy !req
539. Come on, boys. Let's "am-scray."Copy !req
540. - They're gone.
- Jeepers, Eddie, that was swell.Copy !req
541. You saved my life.
How can I ever repay ya?Copy !req
542. Blecch! For starters,
don't ever kiss me again!Copy !req
543. - (MUFFLED SHOUTING)
- Stop kicking me. Stop kicking me.Copy !req
544. - (TROLLEY RUMBLING)
- Dolores. Dolores!Copy !req
545. Dolores!Copy !req
546. Hey, Eddie, you made
the front page today.Copy !req
547. - Yeah, I guess I made some ink.
- And what ink.Copy !req
548. Come on, Eddie. Just let's go. Please!
(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)Copy !req
549. So tell me, Eddie.
Is that a rabbit in your pocket,Copy !req
550. or are you just happy to see me?Copy !req
551. Cut the comedy, Dolores.
I've had a very hard day.Copy !req
552. - I gotta get out of these cuffs.
- Oh, swell.Copy !req
553. Whew!Copy !req
554. Jeepers, Eddie,
that almost killed me!Copy !req
555. Ow.Copy !req
556. Boy, what is this?
Some kind of a secret room?Copy !req
557. It's a rotgut room.
A holdover from Prohibition.Copy !req
558. Oh, I get it. A speakeasy,
a gin mill, a hooch parlor.Copy !req
559. - Tools are up here, Eddie.
- Look at this!Copy !req
560. - Aah!
- It's a spy hole!Copy !req
561. Jeepers, Eddie!
This would be a great place to hide!Copy !req
562. - Crazy Toon. Oof!
- Watch your head!Copy !req
563. I thought you said
you'd never take another Toon case.Copy !req
564. - What'd you have, a change of heart?
- Nothing's changed.Copy !req
565. Somebody's made a patsy out of me,
and I'm going to find out why.Copy !req
566. Hold still, will ya?Copy !req
567. - Does this help?
- Yeah. Thanks.Copy !req
568. You mean to tell me thatCopy !req
569. you could have taken your hand
out of that cuff at any time?Copy !req
570. No, not at any time.
Only when it was funny.Copy !req
571. Get out!Copy !req
572. Come on, Eddie.
Where's your sense of humor?Copy !req
573. He always this funny, or only on days
when he's wanted for murder?Copy !req
574. Listen, my philosophy is this.Copy !req
575. If you don't have a good sense
of humor, you're better off dead.Copy !req
576. You just may get your wish unless
I can figure out what happened to this.Copy !req
577. - What is it, Eddie?
Just look at it.Copy !req
578. - Mr. Acme's will.
- Yeah.Copy !req
579. And I think Maroon
played the part of sound mindCopy !req
580. and your wife the sound body.Copy !req
581. Why, I resent that innuendo!Copy !req
582. - What's the scheme, Eddie?
- I don't think they got to the will.Copy !req
583. But how do you know?Copy !req
584. Because they were still looking
for it after they killed him.Copy !req
585. Anything I can do?Copy !req
586. Maybe you can go downtown
and check the probate.Copy !req
587. Yeah, check the probate!Copy !req
588. Why, my Uncle Thumper
had a problem with his probate,Copy !req
589. and he had to take these big pills
and drink lots of water.Copy !req
590. - Not prostate, you idiot. Probate!
- Let me get this straight.Copy !req
591. You think that my boss, R.K. MaroonCopy !req
592. dropped a safe on Marvin Acme's headCopy !req
593. so that he could get
his hands on Toontown?Copy !req
594. Yeah.Copy !req
595. That's my hunch.Copy !req
596. Uh, can he stay here
for a couple of days?Copy !req
597. He's not gonna do
anything crazy, is he?Copy !req
598. - Where are you going?
Back to the office.Copy !req
599. JESSIСA: Mr. Valiant. Mr. Valiant?Copy !req
600. You've got the wrong idea
about me, Mr. Valiant.Copy !req
601. I'm a pawn in this, just like Roger.Copy !req
602. Can you help me find him?
Just name your price and I'll pay it.Copy !req
603. Yeah, I bet you would.Copy !req
604. You've gotta have the rabbit
to make the scam work.Copy !req
605. No, no, no. I love my husband.
You've got me all wrong.Copy !req
606. You don't know how hard it is
being a womanCopy !req
607. looking the way I do.Copy !req
608. Yeah, well.Copy !req
609. You don't know how hard
it is being a manCopy !req
610. looking at a woman,
looking the way you do.Copy !req
611. I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way.Copy !req
612. Weren't you the one I caught playing
patty-cake with old man Acme?Copy !req
613. You didn't catch me, Mr. Valiant.
You were set up to take those pictures.Copy !req
614. - What are you talking about?
- Maroon wanted to blackmail Acme.Copy !req
615. I didn't want to have anything
to do with it,Copy !req
616. but he said if I didn't
pose for those patty-cake pictures,Copy !req
617. Roger would never work
in this town again.Copy !req
618. I couldn't let that happen.Copy !req
619. I'd do anything
for my husband, Mr. Valiant.Copy !req
620. - Anything.
- What a wife.Copy !req
621. I'm desperate, Mr. Valiant.
Can't you see how much I need you?Copy !req
622. (CLEARING THROAT)
Dabblin' in watercolors, Eddie?Copy !req
623. Well. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)Copy !req
624. Sorry. (LAUGHING)Copy !req
625. Good-bye, Eddie. My offer stands firm.Copy !req
626. Think about it. (KISSING)Copy !req
627. Well!Copy !req
628. Do you want to tell me what she was
doing with her arms around you?Copy !req
629. Probably lookin' for
a good place to stick a knife.Copy !req
630. Come on, Eddie.
I caught you with your pants down!Copy !req
631. Yeah, but I... Dolores, come...Copy !req
632. Come on, Dolores.Copy !req
633. You don't believe a painted hussy
like that could turn my head.Copy !req
634. She's just trying to get
her hands on the rabbit.Copy !req
635. That's not all she's trying
to get her hands on.Copy !req
636. Now, look, Dolores, listen.
Listen to me.Copy !req
637. Look, I want you to go out, I want you
to buy yourself a new swim suit,Copy !req
638. 'cause you and me
are going to Catalina.Copy !req
639. I'm on the verge
of wrappin' up this case.Copy !req
640. No, you're not, Eddie.Copy !req
641. That's what I came to tell you.
I stopped by Probate.Copy !req
642. Maroon's not after Toontown
like you thought.Copy !req
643. It's Cloverleaf that wants
to get their hands on Toontown.Copy !req
644. They put in the highest bid.Copy !req
645. And unless Mr. Acme's will
shows up by midnight tonight,Copy !req
646. Cloverleaf is gonna own Toontown.Copy !req
647. - What? At midnight tonight?
- That's right.Copy !req
648. First they buy the Red Car, then they
want to get their hands on Toontown.Copy !req
649. - I don't get it.
- Shh!Copy !req
650. - Yes!
- (PIANO, SINGING)Copy !req
651. Roger!Copy !req
652. The rabbit. Get the judge.Copy !req
653. (SINGING)
A joke don't sit there on your brainCopy !req
654. (LAUGHING) Nice shirt.Copy !req
655. Who's your tailor, Quasimodo?Copy !req
656. My buddy's Eddie V
A sourpuss, you'll see.Copy !req
657. But when I'm done he'll need no gun
'cause a joker he will be.Copy !req
658. C, D, E, F, G.Copy !req
659. H, I... I would love
to raise some Сain.Copy !req
660. Believe me, it's no strain
It feels so great 'cause I'm so tight.Copy !req
661. And look, there is no pain.Copy !req
662. No pain. No pain. No pain.Copy !req
663. Ow!Copy !req
664. No pain. No pain. No...Copy !req
665. No!
- Hey, wait!Copy !req
666. Yah!Copy !req
667. Hey, who turned out the lights?Copy !req
668. I can't see a thing! What's goin' on?Copy !req
669. You crazy rabbit!Copy !req
670. I've been out there risking my neck
for you, and what are you doin'?Copy !req
671. Singin' and dancin'!Copy !req
672. But I'm a Toon. Toons
are supposed to make people laugh.Copy !req
673. Sit down!Copy !req
674. You don't understand.
Those people needed to laugh.Copy !req
675. Yeah, and when they're done laughin',
they'll call the cops!Copy !req
676. That guy Angelo would
rat on you for a nickel.Copy !req
677. Not Angelo! He'd never turn me in.Copy !req
678. Why? Because you made him laugh?Copy !req
679. That's right.
A laugh can be a very powerful thing.Copy !req
680. Why, sometimes in life,
it's the only weapon we have.Copy !req
681. - Laughter is the most...
- Shh.Copy !req
682. - (ALARM BUZZING)
- "Ix-nay."Ix-nay."Copy !req
683. I'm looking for a murderer.Copy !req
684. A rabbit.Copy !req
685. A Toon rabbit.Copy !req
686. About yea big.Copy !req
687. Look.Copy !req
688. There's no rabbit here,
so don't harass my customers.Copy !req
689. I didn't come here to harass.
I came here to reward.Copy !req
690. Hey. I seen a rabbit.Copy !req
691. Where?Copy !req
692. - (GASPING)
- See?Copy !req
693. - Where?
- He's right here in the bar.Copy !req
694. Say "hello," Harvey.Copy !req
695. (SIGHING) I told you so.Copy !req
696. The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down.Copy !req
697. Quite a loony selection
for a group of drunken reprobates.Copy !req
698. He's here!Copy !req
699. - Stop that laughing!
- (LAUGHING)Copy !req
700. Have you forgotten
what happened last time?Copy !req
701. If you don't stop this laughing,
you're gonna end up dead,Copy !req
702. just like your idiot hyena cousins!Copy !req
703. Say, boss, you want we should
"disresemble" the place?Copy !req
704. No, Sergeant. Disassembling
the place won't be necessary.Copy !req
705. The rabbit is going to come right to me.Copy !req
706. Gee.Copy !req
707. No Toon can resist
the old Shave and a Haircut trick.Copy !req
708. I don't know who's toonier,
you or Doom.Copy !req
709. Roger!Copy !req
710. Ro... Roger.Copy !req
711. - Roger, no!
- (KNOCKING)Copy !req
712. Roger, don't...Copy !req
713. (SINGING) Shave and a haircutCopy !req
714. Two bitsCopy !req
715. Hey, Judge, what should we do
with the wallflower?Copy !req
716. We'll see to him later.Copy !req
717. Right now I feel like
dispensing some justice.Copy !req
718. Bring me some dip.Copy !req
719. - (HISSING)
- Aah!Copy !req
720. Does the condemned have anything to
say before his sentence is carried out?Copy !req
721. Why, yeah. I... (CHOKING, WHEEZING)Copy !req
722. Wah!Copy !req
723. Dolores, a bourbon,
and make it a double.Copy !req
724. A fine time for a drink, Eddie.Copy !req
725. Maybe you'd like a bowl
of pretzels to go with it!Copy !req
726. Pour the drink, Dolores.Copy !req
727. Hey, Judge!Copy !req
728. Doesn't a dying rabbit
deserve a last request?Copy !req
729. Yeah! Nose plugs would be nice.Copy !req
730. I think you want a drink.Copy !req
731. - How 'bout it, Judge?
- Well, why not.Copy !req
732. I don't mind prolonging the execution.Copy !req
733. Happy trails.Copy !req
734. No, thanks, Eddie.
I'm tryin' to cut down.Copy !req
735. - Drink the drink!
- But I don't want the drink.Copy !req
736. He doesn't want the drink.Copy !req
737. - He does! You do!
- I don't!Copy !req
738. - I don't! I don't!
- You do!Copy !req
739. - You do! You don't.
- I don't!Copy !req
740. - I do!
- You don't!Copy !req
741. Listen, when I say "I do,"
that means I do! (GULPING)Copy !req
742. Aah!Copy !req
743. Come on.Copy !req
744. Gotcha, kid.Copy !req
745. Come on, Eddie, let's get out of here!Copy !req
746. Move it, pops! Yikes!Copy !req
747. That was quick thinkin', Eddie.
Nothing like using the old spine flower,Copy !req
748. - the wise noodle, the smart puddin'.
- Roger!Copy !req
749. - Yikes! Stop, will ya?
- Let's use this!Copy !req
750. Yah!Copy !req
751. Let's get out of here!
What are you waitin' for?Copy !req
752. There's no damn key!Copy !req
753. Hey, you weasels, let me out of here,
will ya? Come on!Copy !req
754. - I've got to make a livin'!
- Benny, is that you?Copy !req
755. No, it's Eleanor Roosevelt.
Come on, Roger! Get me out of here!Copy !req
756. Eddie, we got ourselves a ride!
Open the doors!Copy !req
757. - Whoo!
- Ah, that's better.Copy !req
758. I can't believe they locked me up
for driving on the sidewalk.Copy !req
759. Come on, Eddie. Get in!Copy !req
760. - It was just a couple of miles.
- I'll drive!Copy !req
761. - But I wanna drive!
- No, I'll drive!Copy !req
762. I'm the cab. Out of my way, pencil neck!Copy !req
763. How about this weather, huh?Copy !req
764. - It never rains!
- Would you beat it!Copy !req
765. They've sprung the cab! Let's go!Copy !req
766. And how about those
Brooklyn Dodgers?Copy !req
767. Are they bums, or what?Copy !req
768. Move over. I'm drivin'!Copy !req
769. Benny, Eddie, we got company!Copy !req
770. Will you look at these two?
Excuse me, ladies!Copy !req
771. Now that's what I call
a couple of road hogs.Copy !req
772. - I'm gonna blow his head off.
- Benny, look out for the Red Car!Copy !req
773. - (GRUNTING)
Whoa!Copy !req
774. Benny,
there's cops right behind us!Copy !req
775. Not for long, Roger.Copy !req
776. - No!
- Now they're right in front of us.Copy !req
777. Eddie, we're goin' backwards.
Turn us around.Copy !req
778. Give me the wheel. Give me the wheel!Copy !req
779. - The cops are still on our tail!
- I know the cops are on our tail!Copy !req
780. What do you think I am? Benny!Copy !req
781. - No. No!
- (BOTH SCREAMING)Copy !req
782. - (LAUGHING)
- Pull the lever!Copy !req
783. - Which one?
- Which one?Copy !req
784. Which one?
- (ALARM BUZZING)Copy !req
785. I'm gonna ram 'em.Copy !req
786. What the heck?Copy !req
787. Whoa!Copy !req
788. I'm gettin' too old for this!Copy !req
789. Aah!Copy !req
790. Jumpin' jeepers!Copy !req
791. Hey, Roger, what do you call
the middle of a song?Copy !req
792. - Gee, I don't know. A bridge!
- Aah!Copy !req
793. - Well, fellas, where can I drop ya?
- Yeah. Somewhere we can hide.Copy !req
794. I got just the place. And incidentally,Copy !req
795. if you should ever need a ride,
just stick out your thumb.Copy !req
796. Hey, share the road, will ya, lady?Copy !req
797. Ah, well, that wasn't so bad, was it?Copy !req
798. Boy, did you see that?
Nobody takes a wallop like Goofy.Copy !req
799. What timing, what finesse!
What a genius!Copy !req
800. (LAUGHING) Ouch!Copy !req
801. We're supposed to be hiding.
What's wrong with you?Copy !req
802. Ow. What's wrong with you?Copy !req
803. You're the only person
in this theater that isn't laughing.Copy !req
804. Is there nothing that can permeate
your impervious puss?Copy !req
805. Hey, Eddie! (GURGLING) Boy, nothin'.Copy !req
806. What could've possibly happened to
you to turn you into such a sourpuss?Copy !req
807. You want to know? I'll tell you.Copy !req
808. - A Toon killed my brother.
- A Toon? No.Copy !req
809. That's right. A Toon. (SIGHING)Copy !req
810. We were investigating a robbery at
the First National Bank of Toontown.Copy !req
811. Back in those days, me and Teddy
liked working Toontown.Copy !req
812. We thought it was a lot of laughs.Copy !req
813. Anyway, this guyCopy !req
814. got away with a zillion simoleons.Copy !req
815. We trailed him to a little dive
down on Yockster Street.Copy !req
816. We went in.Copy !req
817. Only he got the drop on us, literally.Copy !req
818. Dropped a piano on us from 15 stories.Copy !req
819. Broke my arm.Copy !req
820. Teddy never made it.Copy !req
821. I never did find out who that guy was.Copy !req
822. All I remember was,Copy !req
823. he was standin' over me, laughin',Copy !req
824. with those burnin' red eyesCopy !req
825. and that high, squeaky voice.Copy !req
826. He disappeared
into Toontown after that.Copy !req
827. (WEEPING) No wonder you hate me.Copy !req
828. If a Toon killed my brother,
I'd hate me too!Copy !req
829. Come on, don't cry. I don't hate you.Copy !req
830. - Yes, you do.
- No, I don't.Copy !req
831. You do hate me.Copy !req
832. Otherwise you wouldn't have
yanked my ears all those times.Copy !req
833. Well, I'm sorry I yanked your ears.Copy !req
834. All the times you yanked my ears?Copy !req
835. - All the times I yanked your ears.
- Apology accepted.Copy !req
836. Put 'er there, pal. I feel better. Oh, boy!Copy !req
837. I hope it's another cartoon!Copy !req
838. - (FANFARE)
- Jeepers, another stupid newsreel.Copy !req
839. I hate the news.Copy !req
840. - Did you get all my stuff?
- Yes.Copy !req
841. It's all packed up in the car outside.Copy !req
842. Would have been here right after you
called, but I had to shake the weasels.Copy !req
843. Yeah. I'm sorry about
the trouble in the bar.Copy !req
844. Oh, hell. Stuffing olives
for a living wasn't for me anyway.Copy !req
845. Dolores?Copy !req
846. You oughta find yourself a good man.Copy !req
847. But I already have a good man.Copy !req
848. P-p-please, don't mind me.Copy !req
849. You better get going, Eddie.Copy !req
850. A near miss, but this
miss says that's as good as a smile.Copy !req
851. Сalifornia Сloverleaf...Copy !req
852. Glad Teddy's not here
to see me running awayCopy !req
853. with my tail between my legs.Copy !req
854. It's not so bad
once you get used to it.Copy !req
855. The Pacific Red Сar trolley lineCopy !req
856. and the venerated
Maroon Сartoon Studios.Copy !req
857. Here, R.K. Maroon is seen
clinching the dealCopy !req
858. with Сloverleaf's bankers and execsCopy !req
859. in one of the biggest real estate deals
ever in Сalifornia history.Copy !req
860. - That's it!
- Three-and-a-half million dollars...Copy !req
861. That's the connection!Copy !req
862. Let's forget it.
There's nobody here.Copy !req
863. - Is that it, or are you scared?
- P-p-please! Me, scared?Copy !req
864. Don't be ridiculous.Copy !req
865. When you called Maroon, you told him
you had the will, but you don't.Copy !req
866. When he finds out, he's gonna be mad.Copy !req
867. He might try to kill ya.Copy !req
868. I can handle a Hollywood cream puff.
I just don't want the odds to change.Copy !req
869. Now, you cover my back.Copy !req
870. And if you hear or see anything,
beep the horn twice.Copy !req
871. Yeah, that's it. Beep the horn twice.
Cover your back.Copy !req
872. Boy, I'm ready. Dukes up,
eyes peeled, ears to the ground.Copy !req
873. Why, nobody gets the drop
on Roger Rabbit.Copy !req
874. - Aah!
- What's up, Doc?Copy !req
875. Valiant, what are you trying to do,
give me a heart attack?Copy !req
876. You need a heart
before you can have an attack.Copy !req
877. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got the will?Copy !req
878. Sure. I got the will.Copy !req
879. The question is, do you have the way?Copy !req
880. 'Cause I can tell you now,
it ain't gonna come cheap.Copy !req
881. You got a lot of brass
coming up here by yourself.Copy !req
882. Who said I'm here by myself?Copy !req
883. Let me see that will.Copy !req
884. - I told you, I got it.
- I want to see it now!Copy !req
885. "How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways"?Copy !req
886. - This supposed to be a joke?
- No, this is.Copy !req
887. Get up! Come on.Copy !req
888. (PANTING) What are you gonna
do to me, Valiant?Copy !req
889. I'm gonna listen to you
spin the Cloverleaf scenario.Copy !req
890. A story of greed, sex and murder.Copy !req
891. And the parts that I don't like,
I'm gonna edit out.Copy !req
892. You got it all wrong!
I'm a cartoon maker, not a murderer!Copy !req
893. - Everybody's got to have a hobby.
- (GROANING)Copy !req
894. Oh, stop it. Stop it! Stop it!Copy !req
895. The truth is, I had a chance
to sell my studio,Copy !req
896. but Cloverleaf wouldn't buy my property
unless Acme sold them his.Copy !req
897. The stubborn bastard wouldn't sell,Copy !req
898. so I was gonna blackmail Acme with
pictures of him and the rabbit's wife.Copy !req
899. Blackmail, that's all!
I've been around Toons all my life!Copy !req
900. - I didn't want to see 'em destroyed!
- Toons destroyed? Why?Copy !req
901. - If I tell ya, I'm a dead man.
- You're a dead man if you don't tell me.Copy !req
902. Unless Acme's will shows
by midnight tonight,Copy !req
903. Toontown's going to be
live for the free... Aah!Copy !req
904. - (TIRES SCREECHING)
- Roger!Copy !req
905. - What the...
- Yeah, what in Sam Hill...Copy !req
906. Eddie Valiant!
Well, you're a sight for sore eyes!Copy !req
907. I ain't seen you in nigh on to five years.Copy !req
908. - Where've you been?
- Drunk.Copy !req
909. - You feeling frisky tonight, fellas?
- Yeah!Copy !req
910. - (CHAMBER CLICKS)
- Let's go.Copy !req
911. - (WHOOPING, LAUGHING)
- Yahoo!Copy !req
912. (SINGING) Smile, darn ya, smile.Copy !req
913. You know, this old world
is a great world after all.Copy !req
914. Smile, darn ya, smile.Copy !req
915. And right away watch lady luck
pay you a call.Copy !req
916. Things are never black
as they are painted.Copy !req
917. Time for you and joy to get acquainted.Copy !req
918. Hi, Eddie!Copy !req
919. Hi, Eddie! Hi, Eddie! Bye, Eddie!Copy !req
920. Tallyho! Tallyho! (LAUGHING)Copy !req
921. Get out of here!Copy !req
922. Going up, sir.Copy !req
923. Yah!Copy !req
924. Mind the step, sir.Copy !req
925. Hold on, sir.Copy !req
926. Yah!Copy !req
927. Your floor, sir.Copy !req
928. Have a good day, sir.Copy !req
929. Ah. Gotcha.Copy !req
930. A man!Copy !req
931. Yoo-hoo, lover boy! It's Lena Hyena!Copy !req
932. Aah!Copy !req
933. Oh, no!Copy !req
934. Aah!Copy !req
935. - Oh, "wook," piggies.
- Hi, Tweety.Copy !req
936. This "wittle" piggy went to market.
This "wittle" piggy stayed home.Copy !req
937. - No.
- This "wittle" piggy had roast beef.Copy !req
938. - And this "wittle" piggy had...
- Aah!Copy !req
939. Uh-oh. Ran out of piggies.Copy !req
940. Yah!Copy !req
941. Eh, what's up, Doc? Jumpin' without
a parachute? Kinda dangerous, ain't it?Copy !req
942. Yeah.Copy !req
943. Yeah. You could get killed.
(LAUGHING)Copy !req
944. - You guys got a spare?
- Uh, Bugs does.Copy !req
945. - Yeah?
- Yeah, but I don't think you want it.Copy !req
946. - I do! I do! Give it to me!
- Gee, better let him have it, Bugs.Copy !req
947. Okay, Doc. Whatever you say.
Here's the spare.Copy !req
948. Thank you.Copy !req
949. Ah, no! Ahh!Copy !req
950. - Ah, poor fella. Ha, ha.
- Yeah. Ain't I a stinker?Copy !req
951. Aah!Copy !req
952. My man! (KISSING)Copy !req
953. Come to Lena!Copy !req
954. (GIGGLING) Ooh!Copy !req
955. Toons. Gets 'em every time.Copy !req
956. - Gesundheit.
- Thank you.Copy !req
957. Valiant?Copy !req
958. I always knew I'd get it in Toontown.Copy !req
959. - Behind you!
- (MOANING)Copy !req
960. Drop it, lady!Copy !req
961. I just saved your life,
and you still don't trust me?Copy !req
962. - I don't trust anybody or anything!
- Not even your own eyes?Copy !req
963. That's the gun that killed R.K. Maroon,
and Doom pulled the trigger.Copy !req
964. - Doom?
- I followed him to the studio,Copy !req
965. but I was too late to stop him.Copy !req
966. That's right!
You'll never stop me!Copy !req
967. - You're dead! You're both dead!
- Doom!Copy !req
968. - Which way'd he go?
- Well, I don't know.Copy !req
969. - Well, he went that-a-way.
- Let's go!Copy !req
970. Dum-dums.Copy !req
971. - Come on.
- Yeah.Copy !req
972. - Oh, no. Where's Roger?
- Roger?Copy !req
973. He chickened out on me
back at the studio.Copy !req
974. No, he didn't.Copy !req
975. I hit him on the head with a frying pan
and put him in the trunkCopy !req
976. so he wouldn't get hurt.Copy !req
977. Makes perfect sense.Copy !req
978. We're obviously not
going anywhere in my car.Copy !req
979. Let's take yours.Copy !req
980. I got a feeling somebody already did.Copy !req
981. From the looks of it,
I'd say it was Roger.Copy !req
982. My honey bunny was never
very good behind the wheel.Copy !req
983. - A better lover than a driver, huh?
- You'd better believe it, buster.Copy !req
984. - (SIREN WAILING)
- Uh-oh. It's the weasels. This way!Copy !req
985. - We'll take Gingerbread Lane.
- No, wait! No, no!Copy !req
986. - Gingerbread Lane's this way.
- (BRAKES SQUEALING)Copy !req
987. So, Valiant, you call a cab, or what?Copy !req
988. Hubba-hubba-hubba.
Allow me, mademoiselle.Copy !req
989. So how long have you
known it was Doom?Copy !req
990. Before poor Marvin Acme was killed,
he confided in meCopy !req
991. that Doom wanted
to get his hands on Toontown,Copy !req
992. and he wouldn't stop at anything.Copy !req
993. So he gave you the will
for safekeeping.Copy !req
994. That's what he told me.Copy !req
995. Except when I opened the envelope,Copy !req
996. there was only
a blank piece of paper inside.Copy !req
997. - Huh. A joker to the end.
- So where to, already?Copy !req
998. - My meter's runnin'!
- I have to find my darling husband.Copy !req
999. I'm so worried about him.Copy !req
1000. Seriously, what do you see in that guy?Copy !req
1001. He makes me laugh.Copy !req
1002. - (DIP HISSING)
- Aah!Copy !req
1003. Whoa, I've been dipped!Copy !req
1004. Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.Copy !req
1005. What an unfortunate accident. Nothing
more treacherous than a slippery roadCopy !req
1006. especially when driving
in a maniacal Toon vehicle.Copy !req
1007. - Good work, boss.
- (LAUGHING)Copy !req
1008. Don't just stand there. Help them.Copy !req
1009. - Put them in my car.
Follow me.Copy !req
1010. And I think they'll enjoy attending
the ribbon cutting at the Acme Factory.Copy !req
1011. Come on, you mugs.Copy !req
1012. We searched Valiant, boss.
The will ain't on him.Copy !req
1013. - Then frisk the woman!
- I'll handle this one.Copy !req
1014. - Nice booby trap.
- (SHOUTING)Copy !req
1015. Do they have the will, or not?Copy !req
1016. - Nah, just a stupid love letter.
- No matter.Copy !req
1017. I doubt if that will is gonna show up
in the next 15 minutes anyway.Copy !req
1018. - What happens in the next 15 minutes?
- Toontown will be legally mine.Copy !req
1019. Lock, stock and barrel.Copy !req
1020. Benny, is that you?Copy !req
1021. No, it's Shirley Temple! Ahh! Oh! Eee!Copy !req
1022. Jumpin' jeepers! What happened?Copy !req
1023. Doom grabbed your wife and Valiant
and took 'em to the Acme Factory.Copy !req
1024. The Acme Factory?
I know where that is. Get in!Copy !req
1025. Move over, Rog. You've done
enough driving for one night.Copy !req
1026. Duh, Toontown right on
the other side of the wall, boss.Copy !req
1027. You see, Mr. Valiant,
the successful conclusion of this caseCopy !req
1028. draws the curtains on my career
as a jurist in Toontown.Copy !req
1029. I'm retiring to take a new role
in the private sector.Copy !req
1030. That wouldn't be Cloverleaf
Industries by any chance, huh?Copy !req
1031. Uh-uh.Copy !req
1032. You're looking at the sole stockholder.Copy !req
1033. Benny, you go for the cops.
I'm gonna save my wife.Copy !req
1034. Be careful with that gun.
This ain't no cartoon, you know.Copy !req
1035. This is no way to make a livin'.Copy !req
1036. Wouldn't you know. Locked.Copy !req
1037. Whoa!Copy !req
1038. Can you guess what this is?Copy !req
1039. Oh, my God! It's dip!Copy !req
1040. That's right, my dear. Enough to dip
Toontown off the face of the Earth!Copy !req
1041. A vehicle of my own design.Copy !req
1042. 5,000 gallons of heated dipCopy !req
1043. pumped at enormous velocity
through a pressurized water cannon.Copy !req
1044. Toontown will be erased
in a matter of minutes.Copy !req
1045. I suppose you thinkCopy !req
1046. no one's going to notice
Toontown's disappeared?Copy !req
1047. Who's got time to wonder
what happenedCopy !req
1048. to some ridiculous talking miceCopy !req
1049. when you're driving by
at 75 miles an hour?Copy !req
1050. What are you talking about?
There's no road past Toontown.Copy !req
1051. Not yet! Several months ago,Copy !req
1052. I had the good providence to stumble
upon this plan of the city council's.Copy !req
1053. A construction plan of epic proportions.Copy !req
1054. They're calling it a freeway.Copy !req
1055. Freeway? What the hell's a freeway?Copy !req
1056. Eight lanes of shimmering cement
running from here to Pasadena.Copy !req
1057. Smooth, safe, fast.Copy !req
1058. Traffic jams will be a thing of the past.Copy !req
1059. So that's why you killed
Acme and Maroon? For this freeway?Copy !req
1060. - I don't get it.
- Of course not. You lack vision.Copy !req
1061. I see a place where people
get on and off the freeway.Copy !req
1062. On and off, off and on,
all day and all night!Copy !req
1063. Soon, where Toontown once stood
will be a string of gas stations,Copy !req
1064. inexpensive motels, restaurants
that serve rapidly prepared food,Copy !req
1065. tire salons, automobile dealerships,Copy !req
1066. and wonderful, wonderful billboardsCopy !req
1067. reaching as far as the eye can see!Copy !req
1068. - My God, it'll be beautiful.
- Come on!Copy !req
1069. Nobody's gonna
drive this lousy freewayCopy !req
1070. when they can take
the Red Car for a nickel.Copy !req
1071. Oh, they'll drive. They'll have to.Copy !req
1072. You see, I bought the Red Car
so I could dismantle it.Copy !req
1073. - (RUMBLING)
- What the...Copy !req
1074. - Ay, caramba!
- Aah!Copy !req
1075. Okay, nobody move!Copy !req
1076. All right, weasels, grab some sky
or I'll let the judge have it!Copy !req
1077. - You heard me. I said, drop it.
- Roger, darling!Copy !req
1078. Yes, it's me, my dearest.
I'd love to embrace you,Copy !req
1079. but first I have to satisfy
my sense of moral outrage!Copy !req
1080. Put the gun down,
you bucktoothed fool!Copy !req
1081. That's it, Doom! Give me another
excuse to pump you full of lead!Copy !req
1082. You thought you could
get away with it, didn't ya? Ha!Copy !req
1083. We Toons may act idiotic,
but we're not stupid!Copy !req
1084. We demand justice,
but the real meaning of the wordCopy !req
1085. probably hits you like a ton of bricks!Copy !req
1086. Roger!Copy !req
1087. - Roger, say something!
- Look, stars!Copy !req
1088. Ready when you are, Raoul.
(LAUGHING)Copy !req
1089. Tie the lovebirds together.Copy !req
1090. Come on, lovebirds. What you want?Copy !req
1091. Put them up on that hook.
Use that escape-proof Toon rope.Copy !req
1092. Time to kill the rabbit.Copy !req
1093. Oh, Roger, you were magnificent.Copy !req
1094. - Was I really?
- Better than Goofy.Copy !req
1095. Roger, darling,
I want you to know I love you.Copy !req
1096. I've loved you more than
any woman's ever loved a rabbit.Copy !req
1097. It's over, Mr. Valiant.Copy !req
1098. - Look out, you fools!
- Not so fast.Copy !req
1099. One of these days, you idiots
are gonna laugh yourselves to death!Copy !req
1100. Shall I "repose" of him right now, boss?Copy !req
1101. Let him watch his Toon friends
get dipped, then shoot him.Copy !req
1102. With pleasure.Copy !req
1103. Everything's funny to you,
ain't it, needle nose?Copy !req
1104. You got a problem with that, Valiant?Copy !req
1105. Nah.Copy !req
1106. I just, uh, want you to know something
about the guy you're gonna dip!Copy !req
1107. (SINGING) Now Roger is his name
Laughter is his game.Copy !req
1108. Сome on, you dope, untie his rope
and watch him go insaneCopy !req
1109. - He's lost his mind.
- I don't think so.Copy !req
1110. This singing ain't my line
It's tough to make a rhyme.Copy !req
1111. If I get stuck
I'm... I'm out of luck...Copy !req
1112. - I'm running out of time!
- Thanks!Copy !req
1113. Aah!Copy !req
1114. Hey, Eddie, keep it up!
You're killin' 'em!Copy !req
1115. You're slayin' 'em!
You're knockin' 'em dead!Copy !req
1116. I'm through with taking falls
I'm bouncing off the walls.Copy !req
1117. Without that gun I'd have some fun
I'd kick you in the...Copy !req
1118. - Nose!
- Nose? That don't rhyme with "walls"!Copy !req
1119. No, but this does!Copy !req
1120. Yikes! Oh, my goodness!Copy !req
1121. - Jeepers, that was close!
- (LAUGHING, SCREAMING)Copy !req
1122. Bye-bye! (LAUGHING)Copy !req
1123. Eddie, hurry! It's coming back!Copy !req
1124. Oh!Copy !req
1125. - Oh, no!
- This is it!Copy !req
1126. This isn't it!Copy !req
1127. Whoa!Copy !req
1128. (SINGING) Wicked witchcraft.Copy !req
1129. And although I know.Copy !req
1130. It's strictly taboo.Copy !req
1131. When...Copy !req
1132. Don't move.Copy !req
1133. No. No!Copy !req
1134. Yah! (GRUNTING)Copy !req
1135. Oh, no!Copy !req
1136. Come on, Eddie! Quit playing around!Copy !req
1137. - P-p-please!
- Oh! Help!Copy !req
1138. I wasn't worried. Were you?Copy !req
1139. - Hey, look!
- Hey, look!Copy !req
1140. Holy smoke! He's a Toon!Copy !req
1141. - Surprised?
- Not really.Copy !req
1142. That lamebrain freeway idea
could only be cooked up by a Toon.Copy !req
1143. Not just any Toon!Copy !req
1144. - (GASPS)
- Remember me, Eddie?Copy !req
1145. When I killed your brother, I talked.Copy !req
1146. (SHRILL SCREECHING) just like this!Copy !req
1147. - (PANTING)
- Jumpin' jeepers. Oh!Copy !req
1148. Oh, my goodness! Oh, no!Copy !req
1149. Huh?Copy !req
1150. Good-bye, my darling. Good-bye!Copy !req
1151. Oh! I think I'm gonna faint.Copy !req
1152. Oh, no!Copy !req
1153. I'm melting!Copy !req
1154. I'm melting! Melting!Copy !req
1155. Eddie! Do something!Copy !req
1156. Hurry up, Eddie!Copy !req
1157. Do something!Copy !req
1158. Eddie, there's dip everywhere!
How are we gonna get down?Copy !req
1159. Jeepers, Eddie, that was a close shave.Copy !req
1160. I thought for sure
our goose was cooked!Copy !req
1161. Oh!Copy !req
1162. My hero.Copy !req
1163. - Oh, honey bunny.
- Oh, love cup.Copy !req
1164. Oh, Roger, you were
a pillar of strength.Copy !req
1165. Sister Mary Francis!
What the hell happened in here?Copy !req
1166. I've been a cab for 37 yearsCopy !req
1167. and I've never seen a mess like this!Copy !req
1168. What was that,
a rubber mask?Copy !req
1169. Yeah.Copy !req
1170. And this is the rope from the safe
that was dropped on Acme.Copy !req
1171. I think your lab boys will find
that paint's a perfect match.Copy !req
1172. - Judge Doom killed Marvin Acme.
- And R.K. Maroon.Copy !req
1173. And my brother.Copy !req
1174. That's what I call one
seriously disturbed Toon.Copy !req
1175. Gosh, uh, I wonder who he really was.Copy !req
1176. I'll tell you one thing, Doc.
He weren't no rabbit.Copy !req
1177. - Or a duck.
- Or a dog.Copy !req
1178. - Or a little wooden boy.
- Or a sheep.Copy !req
1179. - Or a woodpecker.
- Or a pussy.Copy !req
1180. - What's that? What is that?
- It's ink.Copy !req
1181. That goof Acme squirted me
with some the other night.Copy !req
1182. - Why it's coming out now, I don't know.
- Here's your answer, Eddie.Copy !req
1183. Acme Disappearing Reappearing Ink.Copy !req
1184. - Boy, that Acme. What a genius!
- Applesauce!Copy !req
1185. If he was such a genius, why didn't he
leave his will where we could find it?Copy !req
1186. Without it, we're just waitin'
for another developer's wrecking ball!Copy !req
1187. - Roger.
- Yeah?Copy !req
1188. That love letter you wrote to your wife
in the Ink and Paint Club.Copy !req
1189. Why don't you read it to her now?Copy !req
1190. Sure, Eddie.
"Dear Jessica, how do I love thee?"Copy !req
1191. "Let me count the ways. I, Marvin Acme,
of sound mind and body..."Copy !req
1192. - It's the will!
- Give me!Copy !req
1193. "Do hereby bequeath in perpetuityCopy !req
1194. "the property known as Toontown"Copy !req
1195. "to those lovable characters,
the Toons!"Copy !req
1196. Hey, Eddie, that was a pretty
funny dance you did for the weasels.Copy !req
1197. Do you think your days
of being a sourpuss are over?Copy !req
1198. - Only time will tell.
- Yeah. Well, put it there, pal.Copy !req
1199. Yeah.Copy !req
1200. Don't tell me you lost
your sense of humor already.Copy !req
1201. Does this answer your question?Copy !req
1202. - Blech! Bleah!
- (CHEERING)Copy !req
1203. Come on, Roger, let's go home.Copy !req
1204. I'll bake you a carrot cake.Copy !req
1205. (SINGING) Smile, darn ya, smile.Copy !req
1206. You know, this old world
is a great world after allCopy !req
1207. Smile, darn ya, smile.Copy !req
1208. And right away watch lady luck
pay you a call.Copy !req
1209. Things are never black
as they are painted.Copy !req
1210. Time for you and joy
to get acquainted.Copy !req
1211. Okay, m-m-move along.
T-T-There's nothing else to see.Copy !req
1212. That's all, folks.Copy !req
1213. Hmm. I like the sound of that.Copy !req
1214. T-T-T-T-That's all, folks!Copy !req