1. Everybody asks
why I started at the endCopy !req
2. and worked back
to the beginning.Copy !req
3. The reason is simple.Copy !req
4. I couldn't understand
the beginningCopy !req
5. until I'd reached the end.Copy !req
6. There were too many
pieces of the puzzle missing.Copy !req
7. Too much she would never tell.Copy !req
8. I could sell these things.
People want to buy them.Copy !req
9. But I'd set all this
on fire first.Copy !req
10. She'd like that.Copy !req
11. That's what she would do.Copy !req
12. She'd make it just to burn it.Copy !req
13. I couldn't afford this one,Copy !req
14. but the beginning deserves
something special.Copy !req
15. But how do I show that nothing,Copy !req
16. not a taste, not a smell,Copy !req
17. not even the color of the skyCopy !req
18. has ever been
as clear and sharpCopy !req
19. as it was
when I belonged to her.Copy !req
20. I don't know how to expressCopy !req
21. that being
with someone so dangerousCopy !req
22. was the last time
that I felt safe.Copy !req
23. The Santa Anas blew in hot
from the desert that fall.Copy !req
24. Only the oleanders thrived.Copy !req
25. Maybe the wind was the reason
my mother did what she did.Copy !req
26. If it was,
I wouldn't have known.Copy !req
27. I lived in her shadow then.Copy !req
28. She wasCopy !req
29. the most beautiful woman
I'd ever seen.Copy !req
30. I know everybody thinks that
when they're small,Copy !req
31. but she was
the most beautiful womanCopy !req
32. most people had ever seen.Copy !req
33. He came into our lives
without warning.Copy !req
34. She ignored him at first.Copy !req
35. He wasn't her type.Copy !req
36. We laughed about him,
his persistence.Copy !req
37. "Never let a man
spend the night,"Copy !req
38. she said.Copy !req
39. "Never apologize,
never explain."Copy !req
40. She was breaking
all her rules...Copy !req
41. and it would change everything.Copy !req
42. What are you
doing up here?Copy !req
43. Come sit next to me.Copy !req
44. It's the best place
to feel the wind.Copy !req
45. I can feel it from here.Copy !req
46. No, you can't.Copy !req
47. It's okay.Copy !req
48. You should
get some sleep.Copy !req
49. I never sleep.Copy !req
50. I've been up here for hours.Copy !req
51. I had the most amazing ideaCopy !req
52. for how to use my Polaroids
in the Newport show.Copy !req
53. I'm going to skip work today.Copy !req
54. Keep going until I finish.Copy !req
55. You're still coming
to Parents' Night,Copy !req
56. aren't you?Copy !req
57. Oh, God, I forgot.Copy !req
58. I made plans
to go to Greta's opening.Copy !req
59. All the other
parents go.Copy !req
60. What can they tell me about you
that I don't know already know?Copy !req
61. Time is up! Pencils down.Copy !req
62. Papers, please. Thank you.Copy !req
63. Thank you.Copy !req
64. Time, Astrid.Copy !req
65. Is your mother coming tonight?Copy !req
66. No.Copy !req
67. She has other plans.Copy !req
68. More important than
Parents' Night?Copy !req
69. She's an artist.Copy !req
70. She doesn't care about things
like Parents' Night.Copy !req
71. Right.Copy !req
72. Don't forget, you guys,
chapters 17 and 18 for tomorrow.Copy !req
73. Finished my mug shots.Copy !req
74. What do you think?Copy !req
75. They're great.Copy !req
76. No.Copy !req
77. You're not looking.Copy !req
78. You can't be an artist
if you don't see.Copy !req
79. Why do you think they're great?Copy !req
80. I don't know.Copy !req
81. They're lonely.Copy !req
82. It's me in the center.Copy !req
83. It's our secret.Copy !req
84. You can't tell anybody.Copy !req
85. I won't.Copy !req
86. I never
tell our secrets.Copy !req
87. It's the deer-in-
the-headlights look.Copy !req
88. It's hilarious.Copy !req
89. How long has this
been going on?Copy !req
90. Couple months.Copy !req
91. His wife will figure
it out sooner or later.Copy !req
92. Ah, she's an idiot.Copy !req
93. Cinema Scene.Copy !req
94. It's Barry Kolker
again.Copy !req
95. Tell him I was killedCopy !req
96. in a climbing accident
in the Himalayas.Copy !req
97. Barry, she's
still out of town.Copy !req
98. We don't have any eggs.Copy !req
99. We never
have any eggs.Copy !req
100. Barry can take us out
to breakfast.Copy !req
101. Barry spent the night?Copy !req
102. Yeah.Copy !req
103. I bet he's still out of town
on that assignment.Copy !req
104. I called the magazine.Copy !req
105. He got back three days ago.Copy !req
106. Well, he's probably working.Copy !req
107. He doesn't call
when he works.Copy !req
108. He doesn't callCopy !req
109. when he's getting what he wants
from somebody else.Copy !req
110. I don't think
we should do this.Copy !req
111. He'll get mad.Copy !req
112. I'll just say we were
in the neighborhood.Copy !req
113. He won't believe us.Copy !req
114. You're not my type.Copy !req
115. You're not my type.Copy !req
116. What happened?Copy !req
117. He has a date.Copy !req
118. He made love to me
and then said I had to leaveCopy !req
119. because he has a date.Copy !req
120. You're under arrest for
the murder of Barry Kolker.Copy !req
121. They can't keep me!Copy !req
122. I'll be back in an hour!Copy !req
123. You must be Astrid?Copy !req
124. I'm Miss MartinezCopy !req
125. from Children's Services.Copy !req
126. I'm here to pick you up.Copy !req
127. If you need more time to pack,Copy !req
128. I can give you 15 minutes,
but that's it.Copy !req
129. I'm not going anywhere.Copy !req
130. I'm waiting for my mother
to come home.Copy !req
131. Your mother
won't be coming home...Copy !req
132. at least not for a while.Copy !req
133. In accordance with the laws
of the state of California,Copy !req
134. I sentence you
to the term prescribed by lawCopy !req
135. for murder in the first degree.Copy !req
136. Not less than 35 years to life
in a maximum security prison.Copy !req
137. Hello, Starr.
How are you?Copy !req
138. I'm fine!Copy !req
139. How are you?Copy !req
140. Good to see you.Copy !req
141. Good to see you.Copy !req
142. But y'all must be starving
after that long drive.Copy !req
143. I hope you like olive loaf,Copy !req
144. because I made enough
to feed an army.Copy !req
145. How was the traffic?Copy !req
146. It was bad downtown,Copy !req
147. but it cleared up
pretty fast. Astrid?Copy !req
148. There you go.Copy !req
149. Astrid Magnussen,
this is Starr Thomas.Copy !req
150. It is so nice to meet you,
Astrid.Copy !req
151. Come on in!Copy !req
152. Let me help you with that.Copy !req
153. Was it a long drive?Copy !req
154. Yeah.Copy !req
155. I hope you didn't bring
a ton of stuffCopy !req
156. because you have to
share a bedroomCopy !req
157. with my daughter, Carolee.Copy !req
158. So this is our home.Copy !req
159. This is where
we have company, usually.Copy !req
160. And then in here is
the kitchen, and what not.Copy !req
161. The boys sleep in here,
in the living roomCopy !req
162. because we don't have
enough bedrooms.Copy !req
163. That's Davey, in the glasses,
and Owen.Copy !req
164. This is Astrid, boys.Copy !req
165. You say hi?Copy !req
166. Carolee?Copy !req
167. I said get out here, right now.Copy !req
168. Let's just go in there.Copy !req
169. This is Carolee, my daughter.Copy !req
170. Make some room, okay?Copy !req
171. And this is where you're
going to be sleeping.Copy !req
172. And she'll clean
all that up, don't worry.Copy !req
173. Don't mind her. She's hormonal.Copy !req
174. The problem is
she hasn't been saved.Copy !req
175. What about you?Copy !req
176. What?Copy !req
177. Have you accepted Jesus Christ
as your personal savior?Copy !req
178. I don't know.Copy !req
179. Well, when you do,
he'll be waiting.Copy !req
180. This is where Ray and I sleep,
and the bathroom is right here.Copy !req
181. Let's go back in here.Copy !req
182. Ray's home late tonight
because it's his poker night.Copy !req
183. And he's a good man,
and all,Copy !req
184. but don't talk to him
about Jesus.Copy !req
185. He acts like
he's the repo man or something,Copy !req
186. not a carpenter like him.Copy !req
187. You must be
the new addition.Copy !req
188. I'm Ray.Copy !req
189. Or Uncle Ray,
but that's Starr's idea.Copy !req
190. Not mine.Copy !req
191. I'm Astrid.Copy !req
192. It's nice to meet you, Astrid.Copy !req
193. You coming in?Copy !req
194. How come?Copy !req
195. I'm thinking.Copy !req
196. What about?Copy !req
197. My mother.Copy !req
198. Starr was telling me about her.Copy !req
199. She's doing time
for killing her boyfriend?Copy !req
200. Yeah, well,
those things happen.Copy !req
201. Come in when you're ready, okay?Copy !req
202. That slut thinks
she can tell me what to do?Copy !req
203. She said
I was grounded.Copy !req
204. She's the mother
in The Brady Bunch.Copy !req
205. Listen to that.Copy !req
206. Saved by Jesus.Copy !req
207. She's such a hypocrite.Copy !req
208. They shouldn't be doing it.
They're not even married.Copy !req
209. Reverend Daniels
always sniffing around here,Copy !req
210. blah-blah-ing about Jesus.Copy !req
211. All he really wants to do
is to look at her ass.Copy !req
212. Don't forget
to leave the window open.Copy !req
213. Don't look at me like that.Copy !req
214. You're no different than I am.Copy !req
215. You just don't know it yet.Copy !req
216. I'm going to kill you!Copy !req
217. I'll strangle you!Copy !req
218. You bloody bitch!Copy !req
219. Sin is a virus.Copy !req
220. That's what
Reverend Thomas says.Copy !req
221. It's infecting the whole
country like the clap.Copy !req
222. You know they got a clap now
you can't get rid of?Copy !req
223. I think we've got
every excuse in the book.Copy !req
224. "What's wrong
if I shovel coke up my nose?Copy !req
225. Who's it hurting?"Copy !req
226. "What's wrong with wanting
to feel good all the time?Copy !req
227. Who does it hurt?"Copy !req
228. Well, it hurts us.Copy !req
229. And it hurts Jesus.Copy !req
230. Because it's wrong.Copy !req
231. I don't know
how you can swallow that shit.Copy !req
232. "He who believeth in me,
though he was dead,Copy !req
233. yet will he live."Copy !req
234. And don't you forget it, missy.Copy !req
235. Here we are.Copy !req
236. Are you kidding?Copy !req
237. It's a miracle I'm not dead.Copy !req
238. They took my kids away
and everything.Copy !req
239. I was an alcoholic,
I was a coke head,Copy !req
240. I was dancing topless,
you name it.Copy !req
241. Shut up, for Christ's sake.
People are staring.Copy !req
242. Astrid, look! Look at that!Copy !req
243. That is going to go perfect
with your new shoes!Copy !req
244. I mean, I really felt like that!Copy !req
245. "Who cares if I hang my tits
in some stranger's face?Copy !req
246. It's nobody's business but mine.Copy !req
247. You know what? This is
going to be good on you.Copy !req
248. Astrid,
those are ugly shoes.Copy !req
249. Snakes don't bite
above the ankle.Copy !req
250. Well, take my word for it,Copy !req
251. you're better off
being bitten by snakesCopy !req
252. than dressing for them.Copy !req
253. Carolee, we need to get her
some bras.Copy !req
254. Carolee had her first bra
when she was nine.Copy !req
255. You don't want them things
hanging to your kneesCopy !req
256. when you're 30.Copy !req
257. Try it on.
That'll be good on you.Copy !req
258. Carolee, will Ray love that?Copy !req
259. Look that.
That is so nice!Copy !req
260. Hurry, Astrid. It's here!Copy !req
261. I told you you were
going to miss it!Copy !req
262. Astrid.
This one is for you.Copy !req
263. Who is it from?Copy !req
264. My mother.Copy !req
265. I didn't think
she knew where I was.Copy !req
266. Dear Astrid,Copy !req
267. have you been getting
my letters?Copy !req
268. It's been six months.
Why don't you write?Copy !req
269. It's only a few minutesCopy !req
270. before
they turn out the lights.Copy !req
271. I can hear the women screaming
in their cells.Copy !req
272. We're both in prison,
you and I,Copy !req
273. punished for our strength
and our independence.Copy !req
274. Don't forget who you are.Copy !req
275. The best part of me
is well-hidden,Copy !req
276. and you have to do the same.Copy !req
277. Remember it all,
every insult, every tear.Copy !req
278. What are you doing?Copy !req
279. I'm writing a letter
to my mother.Copy !req
280. You ever write your dad?Copy !req
281. I don't know where he is.Copy !req
282. I never met him.Copy !req
283. He left
when I was two.Copy !req
284. Your mother tell you
much about him?Copy !req
285. No.Copy !req
286. Aren't you curious?Copy !req
287. I think about
what he would think of me.Copy !req
288. He probably thinks
you're still two.Copy !req
289. That's how
I remember my son, Seth.Copy !req
290. You have a son?Copy !req
291. Yeah.Copy !req
292. Hey, Ray!Copy !req
293. Hey, Patty.Copy !req
294. You're going to the Jesus show?Copy !req
295. Aren't you coming?Copy !req
296. To Bible study? No.Copy !req
297. In my opinion, if there's a God,Copy !req
298. he sure as hell
ain't worth praying to.Copy !req
299. That sounds like something
my mother would say.Copy !req
300. She wouldn't even take me to the
Christmas pageant at school.Copy !req
301. She made me
beg a ride off another kid.Copy !req
302. Hey, Ray.Copy !req
303. How you doing, Reverend?Copy !req
304. I don't think
he likes me very much.Copy !req
305. Why don't you and Starr
get married?Copy !req
306. Because I'm already married.Copy !req
307. Astrid, come on in.
We're starting.Copy !req
308. Okay, I'm coming.Copy !req
309. Where's your wife?Copy !req
310. Who knows?Copy !req
311. I haven't seen her or my son
in over five years.Copy !req
312. I baptize youCopy !req
313. in the name of the Father,
the Son, and the Holy Spirit.Copy !req
314. Do you believe in God now?Copy !req
315. Maybe it's not
such a bad thingCopy !req
316. to believe
in something.Copy !req
317. It's better to know things.Copy !req
318. Why?Copy !req
319. What does knowing things
get you?Copy !req
320. Does it tell you
the differenceCopy !req
321. between right or wrong?Copy !req
322. She didn't
kill that guy alone.Copy !req
323. I knew what my mother
was doing, you know?Copy !req
324. I could've saved his life
but I didn't.Copy !req
325. Come on.Copy !req
326. I'm going to kill you, Ingrid!Copy !req
327. You think there was something
valuable on that hard disk?Copy !req
328. Maybe a collection of essaysCopy !req
329. due at the publisher's
this fall.Copy !req
330. You bloody bitch!Copy !req
331. You can't
do this to me!Copy !req
332. You don't know
what I can do.Copy !req
333. Know your inmate's number.Copy !req
334. No number, no visit.Copy !req
335. Hey, baby.Copy !req
336. Astrid Magnussen?Copy !req
337. Astrid? Follow me.Copy !req
338. Momma.Copy !req
339. No, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
340. Don't cry.Copy !req
341. We're not like that.Copy !req
342. We're the Vikings, remember?Copy !req
343. You're so beautiful.Copy !req
344. Prison agrees with me.Copy !req
345. There's no hypocrisy here.Copy !req
346. Kill or be killed,
and everybody knows it.Copy !req
347. Do they hurt you?Copy !req
348. Not as much as I hurt them.Copy !req
349. I won't be in here forever,
I promise you that.Copy !req
350. One day,
you'll look out your window,Copy !req
351. and I'll be there.Copy !req
352. Your hair smells like clover.Copy !req
353. I want to remember you
just like thisCopy !req
354. in that sadly hopeful
pink dress.Copy !req
355. Starr picked it out.Copy !req
356. Of course she did.Copy !req
357. What's that?Copy !req
358. Nothing.Copy !req
359. It's just a cross.Copy !req
360. I know it's a cross.Copy !req
361. Why are you wearing it?Copy !req
362. It's a present from Starr.Copy !req
363. She force you to go to church?Copy !req
364. They're really nice people.Copy !req
365. It's called the Assembly of God.Copy !req
366. To join,Copy !req
367. you have to accept Christ
as your personal savior.Copy !req
368. Then you're baptized.Copy !req
369. They call it being washed
in the blood of the lamb.Copy !req
370. But really
it's just water.Copy !req
371. Have you accepted Christ
as your personal savior?Copy !req
372. There's nothing wrong
with being a Christian.Copy !req
373. Are you out of your mind?Copy !req
374. How did this happen?Copy !req
375. I raised you.Copy !req
376. Not a pack
of Bible-thumping trailer trash.Copy !req
377. I raised you
to think for yourself.Copy !req
378. No, you didn't.Copy !req
379. You raised me to think like you.Copy !req
380. And maybe
thinking for yourselfCopy !req
381. isn't so great.Copy !req
382. Reverend Daniels says it's evil.Copy !req
383. Evil?Copy !req
384. If thinking for yourself
is evil,Copy !req
385. then every artist is evil.Copy !req
386. Is that what you believe?Copy !req
387. Now that
you've been washedCopy !req
388. in the blood
of the lamb?Copy !req
389. Man's ability to reason is evil.
Am I evil?Copy !req
390. No.Copy !req
391. No...Copy !req
392. But killing people
who don't want you is evil.Copy !req
393. We pray for your
redemption every Sunday.Copy !req
394. Fuck my redemption.
I don't want to be redeemed.Copy !req
395. I regret nothing.Copy !req
396. Attention, please.
Visiting hours are over.Copy !req
397. It's good that you're trying
to identify evil, Astrid.Copy !req
398. But evil is tricky.Copy !req
399. Just when you think
you know what it is,Copy !req
400. it changes its form.Copy !req
401. Learning its nature takes
a lifetime of study.Copy !req
402. I will not lose you.Copy !req
403. Not to them.Copy !req
404. Those people
are the enemy, Astrid.Copy !req
405. Visiting hours are over.Copy !req
406. Write to me.Copy !req
407. Time's up.Copy !req
408. Write to me.
At least once a week.Copy !req
409. I'm the only person you know
who can keep you honest.Copy !req
410. Don't forget who you are,
Astrid.Copy !req
411. You're my daughter
and you're perfect, remember?Copy !req
412. How far away is it?Copy !req
413. About a mile.Copy !req
414. Maybe two.Copy !req
415. Shouldn't we
pack up and go?Copy !req
416. Not yet.Copy !req
417. The wind is still in our favor.Copy !req
418. My mother used
to love fire season.Copy !req
419. She made me decide what I'd take
if we had to go.Copy !req
420. She said if I was brave,
I wouldn't take anything.Copy !req
421. Your mother sounds tough.Copy !req
422. Not like you.Copy !req
423. What am I like?Copy !req
424. You, you're...Copy !req
425. you're a sweetheart.Copy !req
426. Astrid, honey.Copy !req
427. Astrid?Copy !req
428. Come on in here a minute.Copy !req
429. Sit down. I won't bite.Copy !req
430. You're having fun here
aren't you?Copy !req
431. Making yourself at home,
getting comfortable?Copy !req
432. A little too comfortable,
I'd say.Copy !req
433. I may not be some genius,
but I'm getting your game.Copy !req
434. And believe me,
it takes one to know one.Copy !req
435. One what?Copy !req
436. Always hanging around,
handling his tools.Copy !req
437. "What's this for, Uncle Ray?
Can I help you, Uncle Ray?"Copy !req
438. We're not doing anything.Copy !req
439. I'm calling Children's Services
I want you to know.Copy !req
440. It's all over for you,
little missy.Copy !req
441. But—
Don't "but" me.Copy !req
442. He is a man.Copy !req
443. And he sees what he sees,
and he does what he can.Copy !req
444. I've got a nice thing
going here.Copy !req
445. Ray is the best man
I ever had,Copy !req
446. and I've lived too longCopy !req
447. and come too far
to blow it now.Copy !req
448. I never had a father.Copy !req
449. Don't.Copy !req
450. I've got myself and my
own kids to worry about.Copy !req
451. You and me, we hardly
know each other.Copy !req
452. I don't owe you a thing.Copy !req
453. Jesus would give me a chance.Copy !req
454. Well, I'm not Jesus,
not even close.Copy !req
455. He might be mad...Copy !req
456. if he knew you sent me away
because you were jealous.Copy !req
457. You're trying
to make him a prisoner.Copy !req
458. He's going to hate you.Copy !req
459. What do you know about men?Copy !req
460. I know that men don't like women
who try to own them.Copy !req
461. I like you.Copy !req
462. I like the kids.Copy !req
463. I would never do anything
to screw it up.Copy !req
464. You swear
you're not interested in him?Copy !req
465. I swear to God.Copy !req
466. There! Did you see it?Copy !req
467. I'm not sure.Copy !req
468. You see anything yet?Copy !req
469. It's just starting.Copy !req
470. But we should be getting
40 an hour pretty soon.Copy !req
471. The QuadrantidCopy !req
472. is the shortest-lived
meteorite shower,Copy !req
473. but the densest,
except for the Perseids.Copy !req
474. You and Starr,
you having a beef?Copy !req
475. No. Why?Copy !req
476. Just something she said.Copy !req
477. Guess it's hard,
getting older...Copy !req
478. pretty girl
coming up in the house.Copy !req
479. Ray, honey?Copy !req
480. What are you
doing out here?Copy !req
481. Nothing, baby.
Just having a smoke.Copy !req
482. Looking at the stars.Copy !req
483. And this is
40 dollars,Copy !req
484. not even
40 dollars a month.Copy !req
485. And you wasteCopy !req
486. 200 dollars
in one night?Copy !req
487. And you been
doing it weekly.Copy !req
488. Listen, I won last week.Copy !req
489. What else you doing
with the money, Ray?Copy !req
490. You can't even
look at me!Copy !req
491. I'm looking
right at you.Copy !req
492. You weren't when
I asked you that question.Copy !req
493. And you got your car
out there.Copy !req
494. God knows what
you spend on that.Copy !req
495. That comes out of my pocket.
No, it doesn't.Copy !req
496. Don't ruin this.Copy !req
497. Ruin what?Copy !req
498. She's drinking again.Copy !req
499. And who else were you with?Copy !req
500. I saw you eyeing her
the other day.Copy !req
501. Thought you were all
going to a movie?Copy !req
502. I had a lot of homework.Copy !req
503. How come
you aren't playing poker?Copy !req
504. The game got cancelled.Copy !req
505. They coming home soon?Copy !req
506. Not too long.Copy !req
507. Well, there's plenty of food,
if you want.Copy !req
508. Thanks.Copy !req
509. This isn't right.Copy !req
510. Is everyone gone?Copy !req
511. It is
all my business!Copy !req
512. This is my house!Copy !req
513. You have to abideCopy !req
514. by the laws
that I put down!Copy !req
515. I waited up for you
all night long.Copy !req
516. I want to know
who you were with.Copy !req
517. Don't give me
your shit!Copy !req
518. You stayed up all night
to drink!Copy !req
519. I stayed up to catch you,
you whore!Copy !req
520. You should know.Copy !req
521. Try it again,
I'll take you out, bitch.Copy !req
522. Carolee!Copy !req
523. You walk out that door,
don't bother coming back.Copy !req
524. Why the hell
would I want to?Copy !req
525. I've been down this road
with you before,Copy !req
526. Mom.Copy !req
527. Sorry, Davey.Copy !req
528. I can't
go through this again.Copy !req
529. Carolee!Copy !req
530. You used
to like it fineCopy !req
531. before you started doing
that little bitch!Copy !req
532. Admit it, you bastard!
You're screwing her!Copy !req
533. Call your sponsor.
Screw my sponsor!Copy !req
534. Go back to bed.Copy !req
535. I should've gotten rid of her
when I had the chance.Copy !req
536. You know what I'm going to do?Copy !req
537. I'm going to go in there,
and I'm going to cash her check.Copy !req
538. Hey, Starr, stop it.Copy !req
539. Hey! Stop!Copy !req
540. What the hell is wrong—?Copy !req
541. Get off of me!Copy !req
542. Starr!Copy !req
543. Starr!Copy !req
544. Get off of me, goddamn it!
Get off of me!Copy !req
545. No, don't cry.Copy !req
546. We're not like that.Copy !req
547. We're the Vikings, remember?Copy !req
548. Astrid?Copy !req
549. Astrid? Can you talk to me?Copy !req
550. Astrid. Talk to me.Copy !req
551. Can you talk to me?Copy !req
552. Okay, she's coming around.Copy !req
553. This boy saved your life.Copy !req
554. If he hadn't called 911,
you'd be dead.Copy !req
555. Who did this to you?
Who shot you?Copy !req
556. I don't know.Copy !req
557. Watch your feet.Copy !req
558. Where's Ray, Davey?Copy !req
559. He's gone.Copy !req
560. They're both gone!Copy !req
561. I'm sorry.Copy !req
562. I'm so sorry
I ruined it.Copy !req
563. Doesn't matter.Copy !req
564. Something would have.Copy !req
565. Bye, Astrid.Copy !req
566. Watch the step.Copy !req
567. We got you, Astrid.Copy !req
568. Okay, step.Copy !req
569. We'd prefer to find you
a permanent placement,Copy !req
570. but we have so many children
on our books right now.Copy !req
571. The hospital said
you need special attentionCopy !req
572. which you'll get
at McKinney Hall.Copy !req
573. They have all sorts
of activitiesCopy !req
574. for young people.Copy !req
575. You're dead, bitch!
You hear me? You are dead.Copy !req
576. Don't you ever look at my
boyfriend again, you hear me?Copy !req
577. Don't ever look
at my boyfriend again.Copy !req
578. If you look at my boyfriend,
you're dead!Copy !req
579. The next time you and
your friends jump me,Copy !req
580. I'll cut your throats
when you're sleeping.Copy !req
581. What do you want?Copy !req
582. I was looking at your picture.Copy !req
583. It's good.Copy !req
584. Who is it?Copy !req
585. How come
you chopped off your hair?Copy !req
586. None of your business.Copy !req
587. You're still beautiful.Copy !req
588. Looks don't interest me.Copy !req
589. That's easy for you to say,
you've never been ugly.Copy !req
590. Oh, look.Copy !req
591. It's the puta.Copy !req
592. She's so ugly now, huh?Copy !req
593. You're not ugly.Copy !req
594. You write as ifCopy !req
595. you're surprised to find me
still beautiful, even here.Copy !req
596. Our beauty is our power,
our strength.Copy !req
597. We can't allow them
to change us, to lessen us.Copy !req
598. I will never grant them
that satisfaction,Copy !req
599. and neither should you.Copy !req
600. So is this
your first time in Mac?Copy !req
601. Figured.Copy !req
602. You're so unfriendly.Copy !req
603. Life is easier
without friends.Copy !req
604. Maybe.Copy !req
605. I like it here.Copy !req
606. It's better
than being in a foster home.Copy !req
607. It's the floor
you can't fall below.Copy !req
608. What's that?Copy !req
609. A letter.Copy !req
610. From who?Copy !req
611. My mother.Copy !req
612. And where is she?Copy !req
613. In prison. For murder.Copy !req
614. And your father?Copy !req
615. Don't know the guy.Copy !req
616. How about you?Copy !req
617. Oh, they were junkies.Copy !req
618. She O.D.'d when I was six,Copy !req
619. and he disappeared
a couple years later.Copy !req
620. I was born addicted to heroin.Copy !req
621. Really? What was that like?Copy !req
622. I don't know.Copy !req
623. I was out of rehab by the time
I was six months old.Copy !req
624. So...Copy !req
625. What's the deal?
Are you gay?Copy !req
626. What?Copy !req
627. I don't know, I get this
funny feeling from you,Copy !req
628. like you're not interested
in guys.Copy !req
629. You're right, I'm not.Copy !req
630. You think
that's funny?Copy !req
631. I'm sick of this. I'm not going
to let you do this again.Copy !req
632. Why don't you
shut up, okay?Copy !req
633. What if they catch us?Copy !req
634. They'd put us in McKinney Hall.Copy !req
635. Come on!Copy !req
636. The guy is a genius.Copy !req
637. I started out
copying his stuff, but...Copy !req
638. I could never touch him.Copy !req
639. He's great.Copy !req
640. But you're better.Copy !req
641. You're insane.Copy !req
642. No, I'm not.Copy !req
643. He's a great cartoonist,
but you're an artist.Copy !req
644. What's the difference?Copy !req
645. That's like asking
why a joke is funny.Copy !req
646. Either it's funny
or it's not.Copy !req
647. You're either an artist
or you're not.Copy !req
648. You are.Copy !req
649. That's good.Copy !req
650. There's another one!
Do you see it.Copy !req
651. Yeah.Copy !req
652. The Lyrids shower
is visible most of the night.Copy !req
653. The brightest star is Vega...Copy !req
654. but you can't look right at itCopy !req
655. or you'll miss
the fainter meteors.Copy !req
656. You can trace them back to Lyra.Copy !req
657. How do you know
all that?Copy !req
658. A kid I used to know.Copy !req
659. I used to have a foster home
right over there.Copy !req
660. It's nice living on the beach.Copy !req
661. Do you ever think about
your father?Copy !req
662. Not really.
He was an asshole.Copy !req
663. I think
about mine sometimes.Copy !req
664. That when I'm an artist,Copy !req
665. he'll read about me
in the papersCopy !req
666. and he'll want
to meet me.Copy !req
667. I'm not gay.Copy !req
668. I know that.Copy !req
669. I'll show you
the one he did of me.Copy !req
670. It's right...Copy !req
671. right here.Copy !req
672. They're not bad
for what they are.Copy !req
673. For what they are?Copy !req
674. What are they?Copy !req
675. Cartoons.Copy !req
676. No, they're not.Copy !req
677. They're so much more
than that.Copy !req
678. He's really talented.Copy !req
679. Don't do it again, Astrid.Copy !req
680. Do what again?Copy !req
681. Attach yourselfCopy !req
682. to anyone who shows you
the least bit of attentionCopy !req
683. because you're lonely.Copy !req
684. Loneliness
is the human condition.Copy !req
685. No one is ever going to
fill that space.Copy !req
686. The best you can do
is know yourself,Copy !req
687. know what you want,Copy !req
688. and don't let the cattle
get in the way.Copy !req
689. You're not talking about me.Copy !req
690. You're talking about yourself.Copy !req
691. Sometimes I get the feelingCopy !req
692. you don't even want me
to be happy.Copy !req
693. Why wouldn't I want you
to be happy?Copy !req
694. Where are they
sending you?Copy !req
695. I don't know.Copy !req
696. Look...Copy !req
697. The comic book store
will hold letters for me.Copy !req
698. Wherever they take you,
keep checking there.Copy !req
699. Why do we have to go all the way
to Mexico to buy this stuff?Copy !req
700. It isn't FDA approved.Copy !req
701. What's it called?Copy !req
702. DMSO.Copy !req
703. What's it for?Copy !req
704. All sorts of things.Copy !req
705. You'll like these people.Copy !req
706. She's an actress and he does
something in television.Copy !req
707. Do they have any kids?Copy !req
708. No. They're looking to adopt.Copy !req
709. She's had
an incredibly hard time.Copy !req
710. She's very smart,Copy !req
711. she's just missed
a lot of school.Copy !req
712. Mm.Copy !req
713. Look, you don't have
to decide immediately.Copy !req
714. Okay.Copy !req
715. Just talk to her,Copy !req
716. and if you're uncomfortable
in any way,Copy !req
717. you just let me know.Copy !req
718. There you are.Copy !req
719. I'm really sorry that Mark
couldn't be here to meet you,Copy !req
720. but he's filming
in Nova Scotia, so...Copy !req
721. Well, this is it!Copy !req
722. I left it plain on purposeCopy !req
723. because I thoughtCopy !req
724. that way you could put
your own things up.Copy !req
725. I like the D rer watercolor.Copy !req
726. You know who D rer is?Copy !req
727. My mother is an artist.Copy !req
728. Oh. That's right.
Of course.Copy !req
729. Of course, they said that.Copy !req
730. Hey, listen, do you want
some tea or something?Copy !req
731. Or Pepsi. I bought Pepsi.Copy !req
732. I mean, I didn't know
what you'd drink.Copy !req
733. Or we have juice.Copy !req
734. I could make you
a smoothie if you like.Copy !req
735. Would you like
a smoothie?Copy !req
736. Tea is fine.Copy !req
737. I walk, I walk, stop...Copy !req
738. look...Copy !req
739. And now I die.Copy !req
740. You're really good.Copy !req
741. Do you know
what a nightmare it is?Copy !req
742. It's such a nightmare.Copy !req
743. I mean, you spend
all this time getting ready,Copy !req
744. ages, getting ready,Copy !req
745. drag yourself
down to this auditionCopy !req
746. so they can look at you
for two seconds,Copy !req
747. and tell you
that you're too ethnic,Copy !req
748. or too classic, too something.Copy !req
749. Too ethnic?
Mm-hm.Copy !req
750. It means brunette.Copy !req
751. And too classic means old.Copy !req
752. And... too small?Copy !req
753. Breasts.Copy !req
754. Why do you do it then?Copy !req
755. What do you mean?Copy !req
756. Give up show business?Copy !req
757. Come on!Copy !req
758. Here. To your first
run on the beach.Copy !req
759. Well done.
Never again.Copy !req
760. How is your shoulder?Copy !req
761. It's fine.Copy !req
762. You did really well!
Really, really well.Copy !req
763. What was...Copy !req
764. the best day
of your life?Copy !req
765. Today.Copy !req
766. What should we do later?Copy !req
767. I don't know.
What do you want to do?Copy !req
768. Swim?Copy !req
769. Okay.Copy !req
770. Oh, my God!Copy !req
771. He's back early!Copy !req
772. Mark!Copy !req
773. You must be Astrid.Copy !req
774. It took us three hours
to get him back in there.Copy !req
775. The whole film crew
is gathered around.Copy !req
776. He still almost
chickens out.Copy !req
777. I think he thoughtCopy !req
778. it was going
to come backCopy !req
779. and try and
finish him off.Copy !req
780. What would you have done
if it had?Copy !req
781. I would have ducked.Copy !req
782. Perfect.Copy !req
783. Just right there.Copy !req
784. Well, cheers.Copy !req
785. Cheers.
Cheers, Astrid.Copy !req
786. We've got some
catching up to do.Copy !req
787. Claire tells me
you're quite an artist.Copy !req
788. Not really.Copy !req
789. She's wonderful!Copy !req
790. In fact, we went
to see Trish,Copy !req
791. and she's accepted AstridCopy !req
792. for one of
her watercolor classes.Copy !req
793. At the museum?
Mm-hm. Yeah.Copy !req
794. She loves
Astrid's work.Copy !req
795. You should show him!Copy !req
796. They're really,
really beautiful.Copy !req
797. And she's never
even studied.Copy !req
798. She's completely
self-taught.Copy !req
799. Is that right?
Mm-hm.Copy !req
800. Is she all right?Copy !req
801. I know you're perfect.Copy !req
802. I'm not perfect.Copy !req
803. Of course you are.
You're my daughter.Copy !req
804. Hey.Copy !req
805. Are you okay?Copy !req
806. Yeah. Just thinking.Copy !req
807. Are you getting
my letters?Copy !req
808. Yes.Copy !req
809. I can never be sure.Copy !req
810. I get them.Copy !req
811. Why doesn't she have
any children?Copy !req
812. She can't have them.Copy !req
813. You dress like her now.Copy !req
814. She takes me shopping.Copy !req
815. What's her husband like?Copy !req
816. He's nice.Copy !req
817. He's gone a lot.Copy !req
818. So you spend
most of your time with Claire?Copy !req
819. Yeah.Copy !req
820. I'd like to meet her.Copy !req
821. Why?Copy !req
822. Because you don't want me to.Copy !req
823. Who did this belong to?Copy !req
824. That was my great aunt's,
on my father's side.Copy !req
825. She was a field nurse
at Ypres.Copy !req
826. Very, very brave woman.Copy !req
827. It's pretty, isn't it?Copy !req
828. And whose was this?Copy !req
829. It was my mother's.Copy !req
830. My father gave it to her.Copy !req
831. My parents were
completely inseparable.Copy !req
832. Not at all like Mark and I.Copy !req
833. I hate it when he has
to go away for so long.Copy !req
834. Why don't you go with him?Copy !req
835. He says it slows him down.Copy !req
836. I think it's because
he's having an affair.Copy !req
837. He wouldn't have an affair.Copy !req
838. He loves you.Copy !req
839. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
840. If he did,
I would never know about it.Copy !req
841. You're just
being paranoid.Copy !req
842. Yeah, that's what he says.Copy !req
843. I "can be very negative."Copy !req
844. Should I put this here?Copy !req
845. Yeah, perfect.Copy !req
846. Everything ready inside?Copy !req
847. You're leaving tomorrow?Copy !req
848. Mm-hm. In the morning.Copy !req
849. I bet Claire would love
to go with you.Copy !req
850. Coordinating our schedules
is difficult.Copy !req
851. She's not working,
she could fit into yours.Copy !req
852. What about you?Copy !req
853. Doesn't she need
to be here for you?Copy !req
854. Yeah.Copy !req
855. How is she these days,
when I'm gone?Copy !req
856. She okay?Copy !req
857. She's fine.Copy !req
858. Why do you ask?Copy !req
859. No reason.Copy !req
860. You're back early.Copy !req
861. How long has my mother
been writing you?Copy !req
862. Oh... not long.Copy !req
863. We've only written to each other
a couple of times.Copy !req
864. Why didn't you tell me?Copy !req
865. Because she asked me not to.Copy !req
866. She thought that
you wouldn't like it.Copy !req
867. Her letter was so powerful.Copy !req
868. She's so strong.Copy !req
869. And God,
she's talented.Copy !req
870. We'd like to meet.Copy !req
871. Whose idea was that?Copy !req
872. Mine.Copy !req
873. I bet.Copy !req
874. I really love your work.Copy !req
875. What have you seen?Copy !req
876. Astrid showed me
the collages you sent herCopy !req
877. and some of your earlier work
in the catalogues.Copy !req
878. Oh, I love
the Polaroid installation.Copy !req
879. Oh, really?
Yeah.Copy !req
880. Why?Copy !req
881. Um, I don't know...Copy !req
882. Well, because...Copy !req
883. Because it's great!Copy !req
884. I'm actually
very visual myself.Copy !req
885. Kindred spirit.Copy !req
886. Must be difficult
for you to work here.Copy !req
887. Oh, it is.Copy !req
888. I spend so much time
fighting off sexual advances,Copy !req
889. I hardly have time to think.Copy !req
890. That was a joke.Copy !req
891. Oh.Copy !req
892. Jailbird humor
is hard to get sometimes.Copy !req
893. Sorry.Copy !req
894. So...Copy !req
895. an actress?Copy !req
896. So glamorous!Copy !req
897. No. My career
is a disaster.Copy !req
898. I think it's the process.Copy !req
899. It may be too painful for me.Copy !req
900. You're such a sensitive person.Copy !req
901. All that rejection.Copy !req
902. It's got to be hard
on your self-esteem.Copy !req
903. I'm a typical Pisces.Copy !req
904. But that's why
Astrid and I get on so well.Copy !req
905. Scorpio and Pisces
understand each other.Copy !req
906. You're into astrology?Copy !req
907. She's not
into astrologyCopy !req
908. just because
she knows our signs.Copy !req
909. Astrid and I
used to understand each other...Copy !req
910. but she's become so secretive.Copy !req
911. Astrid isn't secretive at all!Copy !req
912. No, we talk about everything,
all the time.Copy !req
913. We just love her.Copy !req
914. She's doing so well.Copy !req
915. She's on
the honor roll,Copy !req
916. and we're just workingCopy !req
917. to keep that old
grade point average up.Copy !req
918. Why don't you put a pyramid
over her desk?Copy !req
919. They say it improves memory.Copy !req
920. My memory is fine.Copy !req
921. Pyramid.
I hadn't thought of that.Copy !req
922. I do practice Feng Shui, though.Copy !req
923. You never mentioned that
in your letters.Copy !req
924. How about your husband?Copy !req
925. Is he into Feng Shui as well?Copy !req
926. No, he's into
frequent flyer miles.Copy !req
927. He's gone half the time.Copy !req
928. That's not so bad, you know?Copy !req
929. And now that I have Astrid...Copy !req
930. She must be
a great comfort to you,Copy !req
931. not being able to have
children of your own.Copy !req
932. Yeah.Copy !req
933. She is.Copy !req
934. Would you mind letting
us talk alone, sweetie?Copy !req
935. They're grown-up things.Copy !req
936. Don't we have to go?Copy !req
937. No, it's okay.Copy !req
938. We have time.Copy !req
939. Love humiliates you.Copy !req
940. Hatred cradles you.Copy !req
941. It's soothing.Copy !req
942. What did you
say to her?Copy !req
943. She's having trouble
with her husband.Copy !req
944. It's not you, is it?Copy !req
945. I know you have an attraction
for older men.Copy !req
946. No, it's not me.Copy !req
947. You leave her alone.Copy !req
948. Oh, but it's such fun.Copy !req
949. Easy, but fun.Copy !req
950. And in my present situation,Copy !req
951. I have to get my fun
where I can.Copy !req
952. God, how can you stand
to live with poor Claire?Copy !req
953. Did you know there's
an entire orderCopy !req
954. called the Poor Claires?Copy !req
955. She is a genuinely nice person.Copy !req
956. You don't know
what it's been like.Copy !req
957. If you love me, you'll help me.Copy !req
958. Help you?Copy !req
959. I would rather see youCopy !req
960. in the worst kind
of foster hellCopy !req
961. than living with that woman.Copy !req
962. What can you possibly
learn from her?Copy !req
963. How to pine artistically?Copy !req
964. 27 names for tears?Copy !req
965. All I can say is...Copy !req
966. keep your bags packed.Copy !req
967. I feel like a stranger
in my own goddamn house.Copy !req
968. I feel like
you two live here,Copy !req
969. and I'm allowed to stay
here once in a while.Copy !req
970. Maybe if you gave
a little bit!Copy !req
971. Again! "Why can't I give more?
"Why can't I talk more?"Copy !req
972. "Why can't I be here more?"Copy !req
973. Because I work!
Because I have a job.Copy !req
974. That's not fair.Copy !req
975. I give you
everything that you ask for,Copy !req
976. and still it's not enough.Copy !req
977. No, not everything.
Not everything.Copy !req
978. You promised,Copy !req
979. if we got another kid,
things would change.Copy !req
980. Mark, I'm trying,
you know I'm trying.Copy !req
981. Trying is not good enough.Copy !req
982. You are
falling apart again.Copy !req
983. We are right back
to where we started.Copy !req
984. Yes we are.
It is not working out,Copy !req
985. and I think
we should send her back.Copy !req
986. You can't just
send her back.Copy !req
987. Where's she going to go?Copy !req
988. They'll find
some place for her.Copy !req
989. I can't believe it. You're
just going to send her away?Copy !req
990. You take everything away,
don't you?Copy !req
991. You just leave me here
with nothing.Copy !req
992. Jesus Christ,
you are such a bad actress.Copy !req
993. I really almost forgot.Copy !req
994. Okay, okay.Copy !req
995. I'll do what you say.
I'll send her back.Copy !req
996. Okay? We can try that.Copy !req
997. Just don't go, okay?Copy !req
998. Just don't leave me.Copy !req
999. Unlike you, Claire,
I work, remember?Copy !req
1000. Mm-hm. And...Copy !req
1001. is she going with you,
your girlfriend?Copy !req
1002. I've had it
with this, Claire.Copy !req
1003. I've really had it.Copy !req
1004. Astrid?Copy !req
1005. Astrid...Copy !req
1006. Astrid, please.Copy !req
1007. Claire?Copy !req
1008. Are you awake?Copy !req
1009. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1010. Are you all right?Copy !req
1011. Yeah.Copy !req
1012. Take my advice.Copy !req
1013. Stay away from broken people.Copy !req
1014. You can't send me back.Copy !req
1015. He's not coming back, Astrid.Copy !req
1016. He's going
to divorce me.Copy !req
1017. You know, Claire...Copy !req
1018. it wouldn't be the worst thing.Copy !req
1019. I'm cold.Copy !req
1020. Cold.Copy !req
1021. Get in here with me.Copy !req
1022. Come on.Copy !req
1023. Stay with me, okay?Copy !req
1024. Stay with me, please.Copy !req
1025. Claire...Copy !req
1026. Claire?Copy !req
1027. Claire!Copy !req
1028. Claire... Claire!Copy !req
1029. Claire, wake up!Copy !req
1030. Claire, please!Copy !req
1031. God!Copy !req
1032. No!Copy !req
1033. Claire, please!Copy !req
1034. No!Copy !req
1035. Astrid.Copy !req
1036. What is it?Copy !req
1037. I'm back in Mac.
Didn't they tell you?Copy !req
1038. No.Copy !req
1039. Claire is dead.Copy !req
1040. She killed herself.Copy !req
1041. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1042. No, you're not.Copy !req
1043. You poisoned her, too,
only this time you used words.Copy !req
1044. I told her
what she already knew.Copy !req
1045. You were just jealous.Copy !req
1046. Of course I was jealous.Copy !req
1047. I live in a cell with a womanCopy !req
1048. who has a vocabulary
of 25 words.Copy !req
1049. Why do you think
they got you, Astrid?Copy !req
1050. To create
a perfect little family?Copy !req
1051. People get babies for that.Copy !req
1052. Not teenagers
recovering from bullet wounds.Copy !req
1053. You were on suicide watch.Copy !req
1054. And don't think this was the
first time she tried it, either.Copy !req
1055. It's just the first time
she pulled it off.Copy !req
1056. I'm not coming back.Copy !req
1057. I wanted to tell you
that in person.Copy !req
1058. I'm going to leave you
in here, alone.Copy !req
1059. I know you think I'm cruel.Copy !req
1060. I'm only trying to protect you
from those people.Copy !req
1061. Those people are not the enemy,
Mother.Copy !req
1062. We are.Copy !req
1063. You and me.Copy !req
1064. They don't hurt us.
We hurt them.Copy !req
1065. You still ignoring me?Copy !req
1066. I turn 18 Saturday.Copy !req
1067. I'm going to New York.Copy !req
1068. I want you
to come with me.Copy !req
1069. I can't.Copy !req
1070. Sure you can.
Just leave.Copy !req
1071. Is it your mother?Copy !req
1072. Come on.Copy !req
1073. I'll get a job.Copy !req
1074. We'll find
a place to live.Copy !req
1075. We'll be like
we always talked about.Copy !req
1076. I don't want
to go to New York.Copy !req
1077. I don't want
to be with you.Copy !req
1078. She was with us
for three years,Copy !req
1079. but her birth parents
took her back.Copy !req
1080. We think you'd really
like it with us, Astrid.Copy !req
1081. There are kids your age
in our neighborhood.Copy !req
1082. Excuse me.Copy !req
1083. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
1084. She's had a very
hard time recently.Copy !req
1085. Let me just talk to her, okay?Copy !req
1086. So, what's wrong
this time?Copy !req
1087. I'm too old for them.Copy !req
1088. Look, the Greenways are great.Copy !req
1089. They've been doing this
for years.Copy !req
1090. They've got a nice house
with an extra bedroom for you.Copy !req
1091. They go to church.Copy !req
1092. Schools are good.Copy !req
1093. They don't smoke.Copy !req
1094. He makes
his own beer.Copy !req
1095. I want her.Copy !req
1096. Workers
of the world, arise.Copy !req
1097. You've got nothing to loseCopy !req
1098. but VISA card, Happy Meal,
and Kotex with wings.Copy !req
1099. Christ, Thursday.Copy !req
1100. You, lazy bones.
You want smoke?Copy !req
1101. I quit for the baby, Rena.Copy !req
1102. Why? You don't keep it,
thank God.Copy !req
1103. You, cheerleader.
You want smoke?Copy !req
1104. Russian cigarettes.
No cancer.Copy !req
1105. Clothes.Copy !req
1106. Really nice.
It was never worn.Copy !req
1107. What is this made of?Copy !req
1108. I don't know.Copy !req
1109. Why don't you just try it on
and see how it looks?Copy !req
1110. Hey.Copy !req
1111. That's my dress.Copy !req
1112. These are all mine.Copy !req
1113. So? You get
good price for them.Copy !req
1114. What do you need
expensive clothes for, huh?Copy !req
1115. Maybe Melrose Place
call you to be a star.Copy !req
1116. Someone gave them to me.Copy !req
1117. Even better. All profit.Copy !req
1118. That's why I love this country.Copy !req
1119. Because it loves money
like I love money.Copy !req
1120. Hey. You make a price,
I take 25%.Copy !req
1121. No.Copy !req
1122. What, you think you're going
to sell it all by yourselfCopy !req
1123. on the street corner?Copy !req
1124. I pay for stall,
storage, gas.Copy !req
1125. They pay you, you pay me.Copy !req
1126. You still make profit.Copy !req
1127. Dead person who
give you thing don't care.Copy !req
1128. The past is gone.Copy !req
1129. Sentimental is stupid.Copy !req
1130. It's smart to make money.Copy !req
1131. There's no price.Copy !req
1132. How about 20 dollars?Copy !req
1133. It's a Marc Jacobs dress.Copy !req
1134. It's only been worn once.Copy !req
1135. 50?Copy !req
1136. 100.Copy !req
1137. Thank you.Copy !req
1138. How was last night?Copy !req
1139. It was fun.Copy !req
1140. What did you do?Copy !req
1141. Watched TV.Copy !req
1142. You know who I saw?
I saw Dan.Copy !req
1143. Don't you think
Astrid would like him?Copy !req
1144. Astrid?Copy !req
1145. I'm Hannah.Copy !req
1146. This is Julie.Copy !req
1147. We went to your house,Copy !req
1148. but the Russian lady
said you'd be here, so...Copy !req
1149. We visit your mother.Copy !req
1150. She's our project
in Women's Studies.Copy !req
1151. What does she want?Copy !req
1152. Oh, no, she didn't send us.Copy !req
1153. We came on our own.Copy !req
1154. She asked us to mail you
a copy of the interview.Copy !req
1155. Her show at Bergamot?Copy !req
1156. But then we thought that
we could deliver it ourselves—Copy !req
1157. Is that it?Copy !req
1158. Yeah.Copy !req
1159. What do you talk about?Copy !req
1160. All kinds of things.Copy !req
1161. Art, music...Copy !req
1162. She talks about you.Copy !req
1163. Really?Copy !req
1164. What does she say?Copy !req
1165. That you're in a...Copy !req
1166. You know, fostered.Copy !req
1167. Look, she feels really terrible
about what's happened.Copy !req
1168. So you thought you'd come out
and what?Copy !req
1169. Adopt me?Copy !req
1170. You don't think
she killed him, do you?Copy !req
1171. Something you should know.Copy !req
1172. She did.Copy !req
1173. I was there.Copy !req
1174. Oleander is poisonous.Copy !req
1175. I don't know why people grow it.Copy !req
1176. Open the door!Copy !req
1177. They can't keep me!Copy !req
1178. I'll be back in an hour!Copy !req
1179. Who is that?Copy !req
1180. I don't know.Copy !req
1181. You draw her all the time.Copy !req
1182. I think
her name was Annie.Copy !req
1183. She's someone
I remember.Copy !req
1184. I don't know
who she was.Copy !req
1185. Check it out, you guys.Copy !req
1186. Rodeo Drive refugee.Copy !req
1187. Excuse me.
Are you Rena Gruschenko?Copy !req
1188. Gruschenka.Copy !req
1189. If you come from I.N.S.,
I have a green card.Copy !req
1190. I've been all over this junkyard
looking for you.Copy !req
1191. You must be Astrid.Copy !req
1192. I'm Susan Valeris,
your mother's lawyer?Copy !req
1193. Cigarette?Copy !req
1194. Don't know why I never
got around to quitting.Copy !req
1195. I do.
All the prisoners smoke.Copy !req
1196. You can offer them one.Copy !req
1197. Your mother is very proud of you
for not quitting school.Copy !req
1198. You graduate soon, don't you?Copy !req
1199. Are you making any plans
for your future?Copy !req
1200. Yeah.Copy !req
1201. I thought
I'd be a criminal lawyer.Copy !req
1202. Really?Copy !req
1203. Either that,
or a hooker,Copy !req
1204. or a garbage collector.Copy !req
1205. Your mother
said you'd be difficult.Copy !req
1206. Mother knows best.Copy !req
1207. I know you've been through
a terrible ordeal.Copy !req
1208. Three foster homes
in three years,Copy !req
1209. a shooting,Copy !req
1210. the suicide
of a foster mother.Copy !req
1211. I understand
you were very close.Copy !req
1212. Did you ask your client
about her involvement with that?Copy !req
1213. You can't possibly blame herCopy !req
1214. for the death of a woman
she only met once.Copy !req
1215. But I do blame her, Susan.Copy !req
1216. That's pretty cynical, Astrid.Copy !req
1217. You want me to lie for her
in court, is that it?Copy !req
1218. Why do you hate her, Astrid?Copy !req
1219. Is it because you think
she committed murder?Copy !req
1220. Or because
you feel abandoned?Copy !req
1221. Talk to her.Copy !req
1222. People do change.Copy !req
1223. You should hear
the way she talks about you.Copy !req
1224. She worries about you.Copy !req
1225. She asked me to find out
if there's anything you need.Copy !req
1226. Money for college?Copy !req
1227. Car?Copy !req
1228. There's money
behind her.Copy !req
1229. Just tell me
what you want.Copy !req
1230. You are stupid girl.Copy !req
1231. You walk away from money
to punish mother.Copy !req
1232. You want car?Copy !req
1233. You want art college?Copy !req
1234. All costs money.Copy !req
1235. You don't know anything
about this, Rena,Copy !req
1236. so just stay out of it.Copy !req
1237. I have plan for you, anyway.Copy !req
1238. Oh, yeah? What's that?Copy !req
1239. Niki leave soon.Copy !req
1240. And Yvonne is stupid girl.Copy !req
1241. Making third baby.Copy !req
1242. Every time
she look at the windowCopy !req
1243. to see baby's face,Copy !req
1244. baby gone,Copy !req
1245. then she cries
like it's a big surprise.Copy !req
1246. But you...Copy !req
1247. you're a special girl.Copy !req
1248. You stay...Copy !req
1249. I make you partner.Copy !req
1250. Stay here?Copy !req
1251. You got better place to go?Copy !req
1252. Then go see mother.Copy !req
1253. She needs
something from you,Copy !req
1254. you need
something from her.Copy !req
1255. Go get it.Copy !req
1256. Here she comes.Copy !req
1257. Astrid, my God.Copy !req
1258. What's wrong, Mom?Copy !req
1259. You don't like my outfit?Copy !req
1260. I'll leave you two alone
for a while.Copy !req
1261. So what's the story?Copy !req
1262. We didn't go to Mexico
to buy DMSO?Copy !req
1263. Barry beat you?Copy !req
1264. He raped me?Copy !req
1265. How bad does he have to be
to get you out of jail?Copy !req
1266. I can't believe
what's happened to you.Copy !req
1267. When I get out,
I'll make it up to you.Copy !req
1268. Who said you're getting out?Copy !req
1269. I said I'd talk to you.Copy !req
1270. I didn't say I'd do it.Copy !req
1271. Then what do you want?Copy !req
1272. I have a deal to make.Copy !req
1273. A trade.Copy !req
1274. You tell me the truth...Copy !req
1275. I'll lie for you in court.Copy !req
1276. The truth about what?Copy !req
1277. Everything you kept from me.Copy !req
1278. And if I don't?Copy !req
1279. Then you can rot in here.Copy !req
1280. I hate this look, by the way.Copy !req
1281. You're a Sunset
Boulevard motel,Copy !req
1282. a $20 hooker
in the back of a car.Copy !req
1283. Why did you murder Barry?Copy !req
1284. If I submit to this,
you'll testify?Copy !req
1285. Yes.Copy !req
1286. Self-defense.
He was killing me.Copy !req
1287. Claire didn't do anything
to you.Copy !req
1288. Why did you go after her?Copy !req
1289. Claire
went after herself.Copy !req
1290. I just showed her how to do it.Copy !req
1291. Who was my father?Copy !req
1292. Your father?
Why do you always ask that?Copy !req
1293. It's ancient history.Copy !req
1294. It's my ancient history.
Who was he?Copy !req
1295. His name was Klaus Anders.Copy !req
1296. What did he do?Copy !req
1297. He was an artist.Copy !req
1298. How did you meet?Copy !req
1299. At Venice Beach at a party.Copy !req
1300. He had the drugs.Copy !req
1301. Did you love him?Copy !req
1302. It was a long time ago.Copy !req
1303. I'm not the same person.Copy !req
1304. Liar.
You're exactly the same.Copy !req
1305. Answer the question.Copy !req
1306. You're such a child.Copy !req
1307. You've taken my propaganda
for truth.Copy !req
1308. So set me straight.Copy !req
1309. Did you love him?Copy !req
1310. We had
a very sexual relationship.Copy !req
1311. One overlooks many things.Copy !req
1312. You worshipped him.Copy !req
1313. I read it in your journal.Copy !req
1314. "Worship" isn't exactlyCopy !req
1315. the word
we're looking for here.Copy !req
1316. Who was Annie?Copy !req
1317. What?Copy !req
1318. Who was Annie, Mother?Copy !req
1319. She was a neighbor
who took in kids,Copy !req
1320. did people's laundry.Copy !req
1321. What did she look like?Copy !req
1322. Dark, curly hair, freckles.Copy !req
1323. Did she take care of me?Copy !req
1324. How could you possibly
have remembered this?Copy !req
1325. It will only hurt you.Copy !req
1326. Imagine my life for a moment...Copy !req
1327. how unprepared I wasCopy !req
1328. to be the mother
of a small child.Copy !req
1329. I was used to
having time to think,Copy !req
1330. and you just wanted,
wanted, wanted.Copy !req
1331. I felt like a hostage.Copy !req
1332. Can you understand
how desperate I was?Copy !req
1333. I dropped you off
at her house one afternoonCopy !req
1334. to go to the beach
with some friends.Copy !req
1335. And one thing led to another.Copy !req
1336. They had a place
in Ensenada.Copy !req
1337. It was wonderful.Copy !req
1338. You can't imagine...Copy !req
1339. To take a nap
in the afternoon...Copy !req
1340. to make love all day if I wantedCopy !req
1341. and not have to think,
"What's Astrid doing?Copy !req
1342. Where's Astrid?"Copy !req
1343. "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,"
clinging to me like a spider.Copy !req
1344. At the end of it,Copy !req
1345. I just wanted
to throw you against a wall.Copy !req
1346. How long were you gone?Copy !req
1347. About a year.Copy !req
1348. Give or take a few months.Copy !req
1349. My God.Copy !req
1350. But you're not asking
the right question.Copy !req
1351. Don't ask me why I left.Copy !req
1352. Ask me why I came back.Copy !req
1353. You should have been sterilized.Copy !req
1354. I could have
left you there,Copy !req
1355. but I didn't.Copy !req
1356. Don't you understand?Copy !req
1357. For once, I did the right thing.Copy !req
1358. When I came back, you knew me.Copy !req
1359. You were
sitting by the door,Copy !req
1360. and you looked up...Copy !req
1361. and you reached for me.Copy !req
1362. It was as if you had been
waiting for me all along.Copy !req
1363. I was always waiting
for you, Mother.Copy !req
1364. That's the constant in my life.
Waiting for you.Copy !req
1365. Will you come back?Copy !req
1366. Will you forget you tied me up
in front of the storeCopy !req
1367. or left me on a bus?Copy !req
1368. Are you still waiting?Copy !req
1369. No.Copy !req
1370. I stopped when Claire showed me
what it felt like to be loved.Copy !req
1371. What did you think?Copy !req
1372. That I would amuse you?Copy !req
1373. That's what babies are like,
Mother.Copy !req
1374. What did you think?Copy !req
1375. That we'd exchange thoughts
on Joseph Brodsky?Copy !req
1376. I thought Klaus and I
would live happily ever after.Copy !req
1377. Adam and Eve
in a vine-covered shack.Copy !req
1378. I must have been out of my mind.Copy !req
1379. You were in love with him.Copy !req
1380. Yes, I was in love with him,
all right?Copy !req
1381. I was in love with him,Copy !req
1382. "baby makes three"
and all that crap.Copy !req
1383. Then why did you leave him?Copy !req
1384. Why did you leave him?
I didn't leave him.Copy !req
1385. He left me.Copy !req
1386. You want to know
about your father?Copy !req
1387. He left us
when you were six months oldCopy !req
1388. for another woman.Copy !req
1389. I never saw him againCopy !req
1390. until he showed up
looking for youCopy !req
1391. when you were 8 years old.Copy !req
1392. He came to see me?Copy !req
1393. Yes, he came to see you,Copy !req
1394. but it was a little late,
wasn't it?Copy !req
1395. Why should I let him see you
after what he did to me?Copy !req
1396. Because it wasn't about you!Copy !req
1397. It was about me,
and I wanted to see him!Copy !req
1398. My whole life,
I've wanted to see him.Copy !req
1399. That decision was mine,
not yours!Copy !req
1400. Everything has always been
about you, never about me.Copy !req
1401. I knew
you were going to kill Barry,Copy !req
1402. but you didn't even care.Copy !req
1403. You didn't give a damn
about what that would do to me.Copy !req
1404. I'll say
whatever Susan wants me to say,Copy !req
1405. but I've got to get out of here.Copy !req
1406. No. You don't just walk away
from me.Copy !req
1407. I made you.Copy !req
1408. I'm in your blood.Copy !req
1409. You don't go anywhere
until I let you go.Copy !req
1410. Then let me go.Copy !req
1411. You look at me...Copy !req
1412. and you don't like what you see.Copy !req
1413. But this is the price, Mother.
The price of belonging to you.Copy !req
1414. If I could,
I'd take it all back.Copy !req
1415. I would.Copy !req
1416. Then tell me
you don't want me to testify.Copy !req
1417. Tell me
you don't want me like this.Copy !req
1418. Tell me you would sacrifice
the rest of your lifeCopy !req
1419. to have me back
the way I was.Copy !req
1420. Listen, forget it.
A deal's a deal.Copy !req
1421. Let's leave it at that.Copy !req
1422. Excuse me.Copy !req
1423. It's probably a waste of time,
but...Copy !req
1424. I'm looking for someone
who used to come in here?Copy !req
1425. His name is Paul Trout.Copy !req
1426. You Astrid?Copy !req
1427. Yeah.Copy !req
1428. He said you'd turn up.Copy !req
1429. Thanks.Copy !req
1430. What's going on?Copy !req
1431. I don't know.Copy !req
1432. Excuse me.
Is it a recess?Copy !req
1433. No. Jury's out.Copy !req
1434. Don't you need me to testify?Copy !req
1435. Your mother told me
to leave you alone.Copy !req
1436. What happened?Copy !req
1437. She let me go.Copy !req
1438. Two years after Paul and I
moved to New York,Copy !req
1439. I received a letter
from my mother.Copy !req
1440. In it was a copy of
the Los Angeles Times Magazine,Copy !req
1441. my mother on the cover.Copy !req
1442. A Santa Monica galleryCopy !req
1443. had mounted
a showing of her work.Copy !req
1444. The Times includedCopy !req
1445. seven pagesCopy !req
1446. of her hauntingly distant
prison collages.Copy !req
1447. She stares out
from the cover...Copy !req
1448. the bars of her cell
behind her.Copy !req
1449. Beautiful.Copy !req
1450. Dangerous.Copy !req
1451. Proud.Copy !req
1452. The Times said her lawyerCopy !req
1453. was close to winning a retrial
after a first failed appeal.Copy !req
1454. They called her show a triumph.Copy !req
1455. It's too muchCopy !req
1456. to imagine
her tempering her joyCopy !req
1457. with a moment of grief...Copy !req
1458. a moment
for what that triumph had cost.Copy !req
1459. These suitcases
are a map of that country...Copy !req
1460. a terrible country
I will never revisit.Copy !req
1461. Even so,
I find myself thinking of her,Copy !req
1462. wanting to feel that wind.Copy !req
1463. It's a secret wanting...Copy !req
1464. like a song
I can't stop humming,Copy !req
1465. or loving someone
you can never have.Copy !req
1466. No matter how much
she's damaged me...Copy !req
1467. no matter how flawed she is...Copy !req
1468. I know my mother loves me.Copy !req