1. Stop it!Copy !req
2. Go away!Copy !req
3. Get a grip, Thompson.Copy !req
4. Come on. It's just a deadline.
You got two hours till the presses roll.Copy !req
5. Shut up! You'll get words
when I want to give them to you.Copy !req
6. No need to panic, huh?Copy !req
7. Just another deadline.Copy !req
8. I'll just lash together a few raw facts,Copy !req
9. little bit of old negro wisdom,Copy !req
10. and this nightmare is over.Copy !req
11. Nixon.Copy !req
12. Come on, easy boy. You never liked this.Copy !req
13. Bronco, come on. Bronco, come on.
Fun is fun.Copy !req
14. Lie on your side. Down!Copy !req
15. Lie on your side.Copy !req
16. Fun is fun.Copy !req
17. Good boy, Bronco.Copy !req
18. Savage bastards.Copy !req
19. There, chew on that gibberish for a while,
you heartless scum.Copy !req
20. You've pushed me too far.Copy !req
21. Down, Bronco, he's mine!Copy !req
22. I was deciding to write off this
weird town, makes you sleep forever.Copy !req
23. This wouldn't be the first time I got sucked
into writing about Lazlo, Karl Lazlo esquire,Copy !req
24. attorney at law, my attorney.Copy !req
25. This was the man I counted on
to keep me out of jail in those years.Copy !req
26. Those weird years between
the '60s and the '70s,Copy !req
27. the age of Nixon.Copy !req
28. It was a time to keep your head down.Copy !req
29. I was a working journalist, a hired geek
of sorts, and Lazlo was great companyCopy !req
30. and sometimes a good lawyer.Copy !req
31. It was a fast, strange time,
and we worked in fast, strange ways.Copy !req
32. He claimed he was being chased
by Mr NixonCopy !req
33. when his car was attacked
by a swarm of bats.Copy !req
34. Bats?Copy !req
35. It's obvious he was having
a paranoid drug reaction.Copy !req
36. Every 20 minutes, he calls down to the desk,
demands to see his lawyer and hangs up.Copy !req
37. He claims he's being held a prisoner.Copy !req
38. I'm rambling.Copy !req
39. I think I'd better tell my readers that I'm
no longer responsible for anything I write.Copy !req
40. I've been without sleep for 80 hours
so I'm beyond simple fatigue.Copy !req
41. The hallucinations have stopped,
finally, thank God,Copy !req
42. but my adrenaline reserves are burning outCopy !req
43. and I'm staring into the face
of a psychotic freak-out.Copy !req
44. - What are you doing?
- I'm writing.Copy !req
45. Writing?Copy !req
46. Yeah. And my deadline page, too.
I'm pouring it on now. Right on the edge.Copy !req
47. But I made a smart move
checking into this placeCopy !req
48. because, you know, in
case I lose it totally,Copy !req
49. I know I'll be safe in the arms
of the sisters of mercy.Copy !req
50. What are you writing?Copy !req
51. My Attorney Versus American Justice.Copy !req
52. Cute title, and...Copy !req
53. hopefully I'll be able to finish it.Copy !req
54. Morning.Copy !req
55. Let me recommend... Try a blue one.Copy !req
56. A blue one? Really?Copy !req
57. Little bugger gets right on top of you.Copy !req
58. Shit. Shit!Copy !req
59. Dr Roberts, call Dr Bretherton
in administration.Copy !req
60. Dr Roberts, call Dr Bretherton.Copy !req
61. - No! No more, please!
- Sorry.Copy !req
62. Just relax.Copy !req
63. Everything's gonna be just fine.Copy !req
64. I'll be gone in a second.Copy !req
65. Nice day.Copy !req
66. Take it easy.Copy !req
67. Five more minutes then we're out of here.Copy !req
68. We could just make it away with you along,
you know.Copy !req
69. Student nurse, you know.Copy !req
70. Clear-headed.
Used to thinking in terms of crisis.Copy !req
71. Bat!Copy !req
72. Lazlo. What took you so long?
It's been a nightmare here.Copy !req
73. - Bat.
- Ooh. What have you done?Copy !req
74. Jeez, she was just fine a minute ago.Copy !req
75. Oh, I'm eating her cookie.
Cook, the bat here is Karl Lazlo.Copy !req
76. As your attorney,
I advise you to leave this room at once.Copy !req
77. Right.Copy !req
78. Oh, shit. Good thinking, we may need this.Copy !req
79. - Come on, get your things, let's go, Cook.
- No, she should stay.Copy !req
80. We can't leave her in this snake pit,
they'll pick her bones clean.Copy !req
81. - Thompson, trust my judgment.
- Not in this instance. She's harmless.Copy !req
82. She's good with her hands too,
she made these for me.Copy !req
83. Come on!Copy !req
84. Oh, jeez.Copy !req
85. You'll probably be safer here.Copy !req
86. Mr Thompson!Copy !req
87. - Yeah!
- Mr Thompson, open the door.Copy !req
88. Mr Thompson.Copy !req
89. - Watch out for this fucker.
- You have one of our nurses in there.Copy !req
90. All right... Vaya con dios.Copy !req
91. Shit. Shit!Copy !req
92. Ah, shit.Copy !req
93. You gotta get this because it's important.Copy !req
94. - Can you drive and...?
- No problem.Copy !req
95. The key aspects
are all in the Fourth Amendment...Copy !req
96. Great, a basis in reality, that's good.Copy !req
97. - ... Including the need for probable cause...
- Probable cause? All right.Copy !req
98. and the right for people to be secure
in their homes free from illegal search.Copy !req
99. That's the big one.
It's the fucking Constitution.Copy !req
100. I mean...
Hey, you're getting all of this too.Copy !req
101. - I'm a total professional.
- Good.Copy !req
102. Cos this is important stuff, a whole
generation of kids are being screwed.Copy !req
103. Their rights are being violated
every day by the police.Copy !req
104. They take the kids, rough 'em up,
throw 'em in jail...Copy !req
105. - Gestapo tactics.
- Exactly.Copy !req
106. All right, spread 'em, hit the wall.Copy !req
107. Come on, shut up and get your head down.Copy !req
108. - Come on, will you...?
- Spread 'em!Copy !req
109. The judges are cold,Copy !req
110. they throw the kids in jail, give them
ridiculous sentences, all for headlines.Copy !req
111. - You getting this?
- Yep.Copy !req
112. Good. Stay with me.Copy !req
113. Hey! Goddamn... Hey!Copy !req
114. Come back here!Copy !req
115. How many people are gonna read this?Copy !req
116. About 800,000, a million maybe.Copy !req
117. - When is this gonna come out?
- Well...Copy !req
118. it was supposed to be in the last issue
but maybe this one.Copy !req
119. - When did these come in?
- An hour ago.Copy !req
120. I want to see everything.
Page, get up here!Copy !req
121. Well?Copy !req
122. Nobody's seen him
since he left the hospital.Copy !req
123. - Get on the phone.
- You know him, he could be anywhere.Copy !req
124. I don't give a shit. You find him.Copy !req
125. He owes me a cover story and I want it.Copy !req
126. - OK, I'm going, I'm doing, I'm looking.
- Check the bars.Copy !req
127. No.Copy !req
128. No.Copy !req
129. Yes.Copy !req
130. - No.
- Yes.Copy !req
131. - Mr Lazlo!
- Well... look who's here.Copy !req
132. - The master barrister.
- That's right.Copy !req
133. Give me the Colts, the
Steelers, the Jets...Copy !req
134. - Jasper Russell meet Dr Thompson.
- Hello, Doctor.Copy !req
135. I'm taking the Bears, I can't quit on them.Copy !req
136. Excellent bone man.
He specialises in gunshot wounds.Copy !req
137. Well, I can give you a cheque.Copy !req
138. I know, but...Copy !req
139. Well, you know where you can find me.Copy !req
140. He's a weirdo, Lazlo.Copy !req
141. Lazlo, how are you doing?Copy !req
142. Never better.Copy !req
143. You know, I really admire you.Copy !req
144. - Really?
- Yeah. But you could do a lot better.Copy !req
145. - No shit.
- You're strong, you're tough,Copy !req
146. you're good, the clients like you.Copy !req
147. But it's the wrong rules,
and you're playing the wrong game.Copy !req
148. Let me send you some real clients -
divorce, real estate.Copy !req
149. That's business, Lazlo.Copy !req
150. You can do the cases,
we'll split it down the middle.Copy !req
151. We'll make a deal, we'll make money.Copy !req
152. - The guy said...
- Money?Copy !req
153. that it wasn't so bad to make money.Copy !req
154. - Remember that.
- You mean I'd...Copy !req
155. make some money and maybe be like your
field representative, handle the overflow?Copy !req
156. You're not making any money representing
these jack-offs, and you know it.Copy !req
157. - Jack-offs?
- Now you've done it.Copy !req
158. You call the people I defend jack-offs?Copy !req
159. - Hear ye, hear ye, everybody!
- Calm down!Copy !req
160. Look at a man who defends evil people!Copy !req
161. Will you guys just knock it off?Copy !req
162. Lazlo, God damn it, get down.Copy !req
163. Repent! There's still time!Copy !req
164. Bless you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus.
We hear you, Jesus.Copy !req
165. Whosoever's name is not written in the book
of life shall be cast into a lake of fire!Copy !req
166. Amen! Amen!Copy !req
167. - Mr Lazlo.
- Hey, Lazlo.Copy !req
168. Hey, Lazlo!Copy !req
169. OK, OK, settle down, settle down.Copy !req
170. OK, 223 Coal Street, where are you?Copy !req
171. We're gonna go inside and make a motion
to suppress the search and seizure.Copy !req
172. We're gonna say the cops
didn't have probable cause.Copy !req
173. Got it? OK. Livingstone.Copy !req
174. You got your old lady?Copy !req
175. Good. Billy, we're gonna
get to you this afternoon.Copy !req
176. OK, now.Copy !req
177. I want you to remember one thing.Copy !req
178. Once we get inside, no grab-ass.Copy !req
179. No fooling around, no yelling, no booing,
none of that stuff.Copy !req
180. Just keep cool and let's do it.Copy !req
181. - OK? Come on.
- All right.Copy !req
182. on behalf of the coming defence...Copy !req
183. sheer domestic tranquillity...Copy !req
184. Would you be
interested in donating blood, sir?Copy !req
185. Donate? My blood?Copy !req
186. As a matter of fact, I'm here to pick up
some blood. Hope you're my type of girl.Copy !req
187. Roll up your sleeve.
This'll prick for just a second.Copy !req
188. I'm a doctor, I'm a doctor.Copy !req
189. Jesus, I missed. Sorry.Copy !req
190. You're moving now,
you gotta hold still.Copy !req
191. - Here we go. That's a beautiful colour.
- No!Copy !req
192. You got a lot of it too. All right!Copy !req
193. All right.Copy !req
194. OK, hold on, hold on.Copy !req
195. All right.Copy !req
196. I'm a little cowgirl.Copy !req
197. Kiss and make better.Copy !req
198. Yeah, all right.Copy !req
199. You should do that all the time.
Several times a month, at least.Copy !req
200. Lazlo, Lazlo, Lazlo.Copy !req
201. The whole calendar is Lazlo. Will I ever
get to ply my trade against anyone else?Copy !req
202. Yeah, asshole,
when you stop busting kids.Copy !req
203. Remember thou, keep holy the Lord's day.
Honour thy father and mother.Copy !req
204. Thou shalt not kill.
Thou shalt not commit adultery.Copy !req
205. Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not be
a false witness against thy neighbour.Copy !req
206. So this is it. Nice place.Copy !req
207. Jeez, you can almost smell the narcs.Copy !req
208. There's a certain kind of a stink.
You know that stink? Jesus.Copy !req
209. - Where's the chamber of horrors?
- Room six. Grab a seat.Copy !req
210. First come, first served.Copy !req
211. Get smart, Lazlo.Copy !req
212. Look, could you just
hold this for a second?Copy !req
213. Just a second.Copy !req
214. I'll see you in court.Copy !req
215. Everyone rise.Copy !req
216. Be seated.Copy !req
217. Jesus, it's happening already.Copy !req
218. Kind of close quarters in here, isn't it?Copy !req
219. Let's go.Copy !req
220. Let's get this thing moving.
Clerk, where are the files?Copy !req
221. Come on, we're backed up.Copy !req
222. Let's see.Copy !req
223. State versus Occupants 223 Coal Street.Copy !req
224. Possession, sales marijuana.Copy !req
225. 623 Paige Street, marijuana.Copy !req
226. People versus Kramer, marijuana.Copy !req
227. These all yours, Lazlo?Copy !req
228. Yes, your honour!Copy !req
229. We'll set a hearing
on the Coal Street matter.Copy !req
230. How about the 13th?Copy !req
231. - What about the motions?
- Motions? What motions?Copy !req
232. A motion to suppress
the search and seizure.Copy !req
233. - There's a probable cause question...
- Wait.Copy !req
234. Have you conferred
with the district attorney?Copy !req
235. - Yes.
- And?Copy !req
236. I and my clients are going to trial.Copy !req
237. You tell him!Copy !req
238. How long will these motions take?Copy !req
239. An hour, maybe two, maybe more,
I don't know. I have a lot of questions.Copy !req
240. For instance, in the Coal Street matter...Copy !req
241. Mr Lazlo, Mr Willins,
would you please approach the bench?Copy !req
242. Here, I'll be right back.
Would you mind?Copy !req
243. Gentlemen, let's be reasonable.Copy !req
244. For 16 crummy joints, are you kidding me?Copy !req
245. I'm gonna take every case to trial,
every one, if I have to.Copy !req
246. I can back this place up for six years.Copy !req
247. You're making a mistake, Lazlo.Copy !req
248. Four, five,Copy !req
249. six, seven,Copy !req
250. eight, nine, ten...Copy !req
251. Marty. Where the hell you been?Copy !req
252. Been looking all over for you.Copy !req
253. You are not registered at your hotel.Copy !req
254. Your rental car is reported stolen.Copy !req
255. Personally, I couldn't give a shit,
but you owe me a story.Copy !req
256. Is it due? Am I late?Copy !req
257. You've got a deadline in 19 hours.
Now where's my story?Copy !req
258. It's right in there.Copy !req
259. Great too, incredible story,
it's developing fast.Copy !req
260. I think it could be
the best thing I've ever done.Copy !req
261. All I gotta do now is write it up.Copy !req
262. Write it up?Copy !req
263. You've got 19 hours.Copy !req
264. You move like a cat, Marty.Copy !req
265. 37, 38, 39...Copy !req
266. Entered? How could you enter?
The door was locked.Copy !req
267. You broke down the door without a warrant.Copy !req
268. - I heard a scream.
- You heard a scream.Copy !req
269. Are you sure it wasn't laughter? Kids
having a good time, innocent merriment?Copy !req
270. No, it sounded like a scream.Copy !req
271. Hit him with the Fourth Amendment, Laz.Copy !req
272. That's not really appropriate,
the Fourth Amendment.Copy !req
273. - You're a law student?
- Yeah.Copy !req
274. Don't come on so heavy.Copy !req
275. - Why would I ever hire you?
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
276. OK, so you went inside.
Then what happened?Copy !req
277. I saw one of the defendants make
a furtive movement.Copy !req
278. - Like what?
- Shall I demonstrate?Copy !req
279. - Please.
- It was like this.Copy !req
280. - That's a furtive movement?
- Down into here.Copy !req
281. I'd like to demonstrate
that movement just like this.Copy !req
282. That's a furtive move
and you were scared and...Copy !req
283. - then what did you do?
- So I searched him.Copy !req
284. And what, in fact, did you find?Copy !req
285. - Pack of Marlboros.
- A pack of Marlboro cigarettes.Copy !req
286. So instead of just realising you had made
a human error and returning the cigarettes,Copy !req
287. you decided to peek inside. Why?Copy !req
288. Because I thought that defendant
may have been concealingCopy !req
289. a small plastic exploding device
of some kind.Copy !req
290. So I opened up the cigarettes, that's why.Copy !req
291. You were looking for a bomb
in a packet of cigarettes?Copy !req
292. Take your seat.Copy !req
293. I'm sorry.Copy !req
294. I'm in control.
Not sure about these people, though.Copy !req
295. Is this man an associate of yours?Copy !req
296. No, just a...Copy !req
297. just a good American like yourself.Copy !req
298. May we proceed?Copy !req
299. And although, in all fairness,Copy !req
300. I must say your legal rights
might have been better protected,Copy !req
301. given my willingness and the willingness
of the district attorney.Copy !req
302. I feel compelled to sentence you each
to six months in the county jail.Copy !req
303. Six months? Why?
You could've cut off their feet.Copy !req
304. Once more and you're out of the courtroom.Copy !req
305. Clerk, best get moving. Next case.Copy !req
306. Nice going, Lazlo.Copy !req
307. The People versus William Kramer.Copy !req
308. - You want some?
- No, thanks.Copy !req
309. Looks like you got a
good thing going there.Copy !req
310. - So you gave the cop the bag?
- Yeah.Copy !req
311. Why? Why didn't you say no?Copy !req
312. I don't know.Copy !req
313. I guess I thought maybe
nothing would happen to me.Copy !req
314. Because, in your mind,
that bag didn't belong to you.Copy !req
315. It didn't.Copy !req
316. Nevertheless, you were arrested for
possession of one pound of marijuana.Copy !req
317. This is your second arrest for possession.Copy !req
318. - Yeah.
- How much did you have the first time?Copy !req
319. One joint.Copy !req
320. One joint. And for this
you did time in jail.Copy !req
321. - Yeah.
- How long?Copy !req
322. 18 months.Copy !req
323. 18 months for one joint.Copy !req
324. OK, look...Copy !req
325. who was it?Copy !req
326. What was the name of the guy
who gave you the bag of grass?Copy !req
327. I don't think he's gonna tell him.Copy !req
328. - He's not.
- The kid's tough.Copy !req
329. He is tough, and he's not gonna talk.Copy !req
330. Do you know his name, Mr Kramer?Copy !req
331. You wanna tell him?Copy !req
332. OK.Copy !req
333. I'm sorry, Judge, the kid's not a squealer.Copy !req
334. Take your seat, Mr Kramer.Copy !req
335. The court is still in session.Copy !req
336. The defence rests.Copy !req
337. Will the defendant please rise?Copy !req
338. Any person who transports into this state,
sells, furnishes or gives away any marijuanaCopy !req
339. - shall be punished...
- What's he doing?Copy !req
340. - He's reading the fucking law.
- ... five years to life...Copy !req
341. I think you guys should listen.
His honour is reading the sentence.Copy !req
342. Fuck off.Copy !req
343. - He's your client.
- ... not less than three years.Copy !req
344. Do you understand your sentence,
Mr Kramer?Copy !req
345. No.Copy !req
346. Five years to life.Copy !req
347. - Five years?
- Easy, Lazlo.Copy !req
348. Did you say five years?Copy !req
349. - That's ridiculous. I protest!
- Contempt!Copy !req
350. Five fucking years?Copy !req
351. It's a travesty of justice.
I will not stand for it.Copy !req
352. I will not give you any names.Copy !req
353. Smile for the camera.Copy !req
354. What does this mean, Lazlo?Copy !req
355. Write about it!Copy !req
356. Tell the world!Copy !req
357. Tell them the truth!Copy !req
358. - Here's the story.
- Great, let's have it.Copy !req
359. - It's incredible, kid raped by the court...
- Come on, we got two hours.Copy !req
360. and Lazlo's arrested, he's in jail.Copy !req
361. - I told him that you'd pay for his bail.
- I can't afford it.Copy !req
362. - Doesn't matter, he doesn't want it.
- Good.Copy !req
363. He said, "Forget the money, but if Marty
could say some sort of personal prayerCopy !req
364. "it'd make a big difference."Copy !req
365. No, no, no, don't do this to me, please.Copy !req
366. Hell, I'll pray with you.Copy !req
367. I can't do this. I can't pray.Copy !req
368. Sure you can. Dig deep.
Come on, it's like riding a bicycle.Copy !req
369. - I can't pray.
- Come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
370. Anybody can.Copy !req
371. "Dear God". That'd probably be
a good way to start, something like that.Copy !req
372. Dear God, thank you for everything.Copy !req
373. - Get Lazlo in there.
- Dear God, thank you for everything,Copy !req
374. - and God bless Lazlo too.
- And all the people of the world.Copy !req
375. And all the people of the world too.
Let's have it.Copy !req
376. - Please, let's have it.
- Do you have the cheque?Copy !req
377. You didn't sign this. You gotta sign this.
They won't cash that without your signature.Copy !req
378. Glad I caught that.
It's not legal without the signature.Copy !req
379. Thanks.Copy !req
380. Thank Lazlo.Copy !req
381. Well, that finished him
as a lawyer, at least as a working lawyer.Copy !req
382. And some of it may have been my fault.Copy !req
383. Perhaps I was not the kind of
friend in court Lazlo needed.Copy !req
384. But the humour had gone,
there was nothing to be laughed at.Copy !req
385. By the time we realised,
it was too late for both of us.Copy !req
386. He quit the legal system.Copy !req
387. No more polite talking with judges,Copy !req
388. or journalists either, for that matter.Copy !req
389. He was in a revolution now,
a revolution in acid,Copy !req
390. and, boy, it was hard to find people to eat
acid with as the age of Nixon wore on.Copy !req
391. Reality was too full of disappointments
for a generationCopy !req
392. that grew up too confident to deal with
harsh realities like doom and failure.Copy !req
393. A lot of people got off the boat
in those days, but not everybody.Copy !req
394. Not Lazlo, not Nixon, not me.Copy !req
395. We'd signed on for the whole trip.Copy !req
396. Sir.Copy !req
397. Hey, sir. Hey, sir!Copy !req
398. Hey!Copy !req
399. Agh! God!Copy !req
400. Is anything wrong?Copy !req
401. - Sir, what's wrong?
- My head.Copy !req
402. - Your head?
- Who sent you?Copy !req
403. - What are you talking about?
- What government agency?Copy !req
404. - I think I'd like to find out.
- What are you doing?Copy !req
405. - Give me answers!
- What? Yeah, OK.Copy !req
406. What? What? What do you want to know?Copy !req
407. - Where am I?
- At your hotel, man.Copy !req
408. You're at your hotel, honest.Copy !req
409. I haven't even caught my plane.
What game is being played here?Copy !req
410. No, no, man, you in Los Angeles.Copy !req
411. - You've landed right here in Los Angeles.
- Liar!Copy !req
412. Check with the hotel,
there's anybody you can ask.Copy !req
413. The desk, the bellhop, anybody.Copy !req
414. - They really will...
- Wait, you're right.Copy !req
415. - OK.
- It's coming back to me now.Copy !req
416. - OK.
- I'm here on an assignment.Copy !req
417. - Football. Super Bowl.
- Yeah, they're doing that.Copy !req
418. You can see the marquee. It's 1972.Copy !req
419. The big game, yeah.Copy !req
420. Well, sports fans,
there is no burrow for one of these teams.Copy !req
421. Brownie?Copy !req
422. Yeah, it's Blackie. What's the line?Copy !req
423. Nine?Copy !req
424. Faffle's got it eight and a half.Copy !req
425. Fuck it, I'm going the other way.Copy !req
426. Yeah. And put me down for a dime.Copy !req
427. Nickel defence. On the line of scrimmage.Copy !req
428. Goes right, fades left...Copy !req
429. One man between him and the goal line.Copy !req
430. Dr Thompson, Blast magazine.
Is my suite ready? I need supplies sent up.Copy !req
431. They're coming out of the woodwork
for this game. Später, yeah.Copy !req
432. I'm gonna need an IBM Selectric,
heavy duty,Copy !req
433. a Xerox telecopier, the 516.Copy !req
434. Teleco...Copy !req
435. I'm also gonna need one of those
Sony cassettes, big mother, 1800.Copy !req
436. - Big mother.
- Lots of white paper. Heavy bond.Copy !req
437. - Heavy bond.
- Bic pens, medium point, blue.Copy !req
438. Bic. Sir...Copy !req
439. Sir, please.Copy !req
440. Ow! May as well get the room service order.Copy !req
441. - How about three crab Louis?
- Three crab Louis.Copy !req
442. - Quart of ice, lots of ice.
- Lots of ice.Copy !req
443. Quart of mescal. And 16 grapefruit.Copy !req
444. - You getting all this?
- 16 grapefruit.Copy !req
445. - Sir, I'm going to need your identification.
- Sure.Copy !req
446. Shit! Somebody's stolen my wallet.Copy !req
447. - I know what I'm doing.
- Sir...Copy !req
448. He must be a doctor.Copy !req
449. Thank you very much. Really appreciate it.Copy !req
450. He's all yours.Copy !req
451. Eureka! Nice work.Copy !req
452. Back to business.Copy !req
453. Two-bedroom suite,
closer to the top the better.Copy !req
454. Oh, can you check the electrical outlets?
Gonna need a lot of power.Copy !req
455. - 440 volts.
- 440 volts?Copy !req
456. - Any problems, check with the magazine.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
457. Thank you.Copy !req
458. Front, please?Copy !req
459. Not too shabby, huh?Copy !req
460. Mr Lewis's office.Copy !req
461. May I ask who's calling, please?Copy !req
462. Ah, oh, I see. Could you hold on one sec?Copy !req
463. It's the hotel manager.
I think it's about Thompson.Copy !req
464. Hello.Copy !req
465. Yes, Mr Thompson is an employee of mine.Copy !req
466. Why don't you just get to the point
and tell me what he wants?Copy !req
467. No problem.Copy !req
468. What was that last one?Copy !req
469. A video recorder and a stereo?Copy !req
470. No. That's out.Copy !req
471. Tell him I said he doesn't need that.Copy !req
472. Don't worry, I'll be checking with him
shortly. But I do appreciate the call.Copy !req
473. Thank you.Copy !req
474. He became a man...Copy !req
475. the day of the greatest game ever played.Copy !req
476. Everything he knew about decency and
morality, he learned that day in DecemberCopy !req
477. from Alan "the horse" Ameche.Copy !req
478. Today in the Super Bowl
he would earn his wings.Copy !req
479. A crowd had assembled,
a crowd of America's elite.Copy !req
480. Toyota salesmen from around the country,Copy !req
481. orientals and those suspected
of being orientals,Copy !req
482. stacked on the 30 yard line watching him
sweat and wipe caked blood from his face.Copy !req
483. The Gallo brothers, Ernest and Julio,Copy !req
484. party guys who'd skinned a few MexicansCopy !req
485. and forced them to carry them on their
shoulders to the pregame tailgate parties.Copy !req
486. The Pepsi and Coca-Cola
bottlers of America.Copy !req
487. Coke adds life, it's the real thing.Copy !req
488. Bombarded by missiles,
flying, flaming matchbook covers.Copy !req
489. The waterheads from General MotorsCopy !req
490. in the top seats, getting
the worst pollution.Copy !req
491. All sorts of twisted motherfuckers there.
And who could this be?Copy !req
492. What?Copy !req
493. All right, put him through, but no more
after this. I'm serious, I mean it.Copy !req
494. Marty. I just found out
about an incredible story, a bizarre plot.Copy !req
495. Washington is trying influence the game. 'Copy !req
496. - Hunter, please.
- This could have far-reaching implications.Copy !req
497. - Soviets could be involved.
- I'm sure you'll get to the bottom of it.Copy !req
498. I don't know, this could take a few months,
I could run out of money fast.Copy !req
499. Besides, I just got here...Copy !req
500. - You just got there?
- Yeah, minutes ago.Copy !req
501. You left on Tuesday. Today's Saturday.Copy !req
502. You too? The same mix-up
happened to me.Copy !req
503. I thought it was Tuesday... Saturday,
everybody was here.Copy !req
504. Room service!Copy !req
505. I'll check on it. Hold on.Copy !req
506. What?Copy !req
507. What?Copy !req
508. Hold on, somebody's here.Copy !req
509. Come on in. Where the hell have you been?Copy !req
510. You'll be safe here.Copy !req
511. I'm on the phone.Copy !req
512. Marty?Copy !req
513. - I'm still here.
- Yeah.Copy !req
514. I may need some more money. I'm
entertaining in the room and it runs up.Copy !req
515. OK, OK, enough.Copy !req
516. Sit, sit, seòor.Copy !req
517. I got people from the consulate here.Copy !req
518. What has that to do with the Super Bowl?Copy !req
519. - What the hell was that noise?
- What noise?Copy !req
520. Get the goddamn tap off the phone!Copy !req
521. You think you're playing
with children here?Copy !req
522. Are you OK now? Good.Copy !req
523. I OKed everything you asked for except
the stereo and the video recorder.Copy !req
524. - How am I gonna see the game?
- Ever heard of a press box?Copy !req
525. Shit, then you miss the slow-mos,
the instant replay, all that stuff.Copy !req
526. I don't care about any replay.Copy !req
527. Thompson, are you hearing me?
I want 10,000 words by deadline Sunday!Copy !req
528. You don't want any bogus journalism.Copy !req
529. Not after your picture was in Newsweek
playing horsey.Copy !req
530. Go long. El zono finale.Copy !req
531. I want 10,000 words, Thompson.Copy !req
532. Head for the sunset! Deeper, deeper!Copy !req
533. Do you hear me?Copy !req
534. You all right?Copy !req
535. Oh, good.Copy !req
536. Direct pressure is best.
I'll get a Band-Aid.Copy !req
537. We're getting some noise complaints
up on 20.Copy !req
538. - We'll check it out, sir.
- Do that.Copy !req
539. Excuse me. You guys,
come here for a minute, will you?Copy !req
540. - What's your name?
- Briggs.Copy !req
541. - Danny.
- Blackie.Copy !req
542. Tomorrow's Super Sunday,
I gotta get a super rest.Copy !req
543. You look like you know what you're doing.
Get down the hallway...Copy !req
544. and muzzle that fruitcake.Copy !req
545. - I'll take care of it.
- This is for you.Copy !req
546. - You're gonna take care of it?
- Yeah.Copy !req
547. Fuckin' A, you will. Right over there.Copy !req
548. No more calls, God damn it!Copy !req
549. I want some discipline on that front desk.Copy !req
550. Does the name Vince Lombardi
mean anything in this town?Copy !req
551. Hollywood scum. All right.Copy !req
552. Rose!Copy !req
553. Rose, you turned it over, sorry.
It's our ball.Copy !req
554. Angel, let's do it.Copy !req
555. Your conversions are gonna tell a story.Copy !req
556. Go down... behind the bar.Copy !req
557. I'll look for you.Copy !req
558. Right, she's in that Dallas flex.Copy !req
559. Five-three! 58!Copy !req
560. - 19 blue!
- Louder. Help him.Copy !req
561. Hello?Copy !req
562. Pork chop! Hut-hut!Copy !req
563. Forced to scramble!Copy !req
564. Touchdown!Copy !req
565. Touchdown.Copy !req
566. Hold it, come on.
I got a key here someplace.Copy !req
567. - Just don't let him bullshit you.
- Hey.Copy !req
568. Don't worry about a thing. I got it.Copy !req
569. Watch the linebacker.Copy !req
570. Pick him up! Dah!Copy !req
571. - Shit.
- Briggs. Oh, Briggs?Copy !req
572. Briggs?Copy !req
573. Brownie? Yeah, it's Blackie.Copy !req
574. Did the price change?Copy !req
575. I didn't sleep a wink since I spoke to you.Copy !req
576. Super Sunday. Dawn.Copy !req
577. My recollections of the last 12 hours
are very dim.Copy !req
578. All that I know for certain is that,
shortly after I checked in,Copy !req
579. two Third World drug abusers
dressed as hotel employeesCopy !req
580. forced their way into
my room, ransacked it,Copy !req
581. drank all my liquor, did all my drugs,Copy !req
582. stole my dinner.Copy !req
583. If security isn't beefed up at this hotel,
I'm looking for safer accommodations.Copy !req
584. It's a sad state of affairs when this reporter
has to go heavily armed to breakfast.Copy !req
585. And what a breakfast it is.
Still alive, still kicking.Copy !req
586. Could I have another round?Copy !req
587. - Of cocktails?
- Everything. Cocktails, food.Copy !req
588. Super Sunday, you gotta store up energy.
Could go into sudden death.Copy !req
589. Yeah.Copy !req
590. Enjoying myself? I'm in a fucking nuthouse.Copy !req
591. Sir, you can't come in
here looking like that.Copy !req
592. I'm the President of the United StatesCopy !req
593. and I can do anything I want.Copy !req
594. Hi, guy.Copy !req
595. Brownie, this you wouldn't believe.Copy !req
596. All bets off, I'm coming home.Copy !req
597. Hi. Sock it to me!Copy !req
598. Fellow Americans. Ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
599. - Come on, let's get out of here.
- There's one of them.Copy !req
600. Oh, boy, Thompson,
you always knew this could happen.Copy !req
601. - Well?
- You look good.Copy !req
602. Sock it to me.Copy !req
603. - Does he want a menu?
- Cottage cheese and ketchup?Copy !req
604. No, thanks, we're in... sort of a rush.Copy !req
605. Thank God for that.Copy !req
606. Lazlo. What happened to you?Copy !req
607. Hey, man, I brought you a present, man.Copy !req
608. Go ahead, try it on.Copy !req
609. Come on, hurry up. We gotta get moving.Copy !req
610. - Moving?
- We got a lot of ground to cover.Copy !req
611. - Let's get out of here.
- I can't get out of here.Copy !req
612. - I can't go.
- Thompson, this is me. Lazlo.Copy !req
613. I know. I saw you in the mask,
I said, "Hey, that's Lazlo."Copy !req
614. - I'm here in the flesh.
- I'm sure there's a reason for that too.Copy !req
615. - I've got a deadline to meet.
- Deadline?Copy !req
616. - I gotta do this story.
- What? You're not a fucking sportswriter.Copy !req
617. - That hurts.
- I don't see you for three fucking yearsCopy !req
618. and you have the nerve to sit there
and tell me you got a deadline.Copy !req
619. Now come on before I get pissed off.Copy !req
620. Get your souvenir pennants here.
Dallas, Miami, we got 'em here.Copy !req
621. Nothing good can come from this.Copy !req
622. - Relax.
- Relax?Copy !req
623. You grabbed me
off an important assignmentCopy !req
624. to go on who knows what kind of freakout.Copy !req
625. Excuse me.Copy !req
626. There we go.Copy !req
627. Get your programmes.
I got programmes.Copy !req
628. Get your pennants here.Copy !req
629. It's good weed.Copy !req
630. I got caps,
I got Dallas Cowboy caps...Copy !req
631. Say, do you fellas like football?Copy !req
632. Say what?Copy !req
633. I got a couple Super Bowl tickets here.Copy !req
634. Let me see.Copy !req
635. These look good. How much you want?Copy !req
636. Who's talking sell? Let's talk trade.Copy !req
637. - Trade?
- Yeah, say... that ticket for...Copy !req
638. that bottle of wine.Copy !req
639. That ticket... for that wine?Copy !req
640. Good.Copy !req
641. - Nice hat.
- That is a beauty.Copy !req
642. - I like the hat.
- The hat for the ticket?Copy !req
643. - That's great.
- Seems fair.Copy !req
644. Great.Copy !req
645. Here. You'll need these.Copy !req
646. - What are they?
- These'll get you into the press box.Copy !req
647. - Press passes.
- Room keys.Copy !req
648. Good thinking.Copy !req
649. Here. Go on up,
have a drink before the game.Copy !req
650. - This your room?
- Yeah, all paid for.Copy !req
651. Thank you.Copy !req
652. Have a nice Super Bowl Sunday.Copy !req
653. You too.Copy !req
654. Tickets, and passes, and a key?Copy !req
655. - Some shit going down somewhere.
- Tough.Copy !req
656. I tried to call you a few times.Copy !req
657. Yeah, well, I moved out of town.Copy !req
658. Yeah, consolidate your winnings, huh?Copy !req
659. Yeah, be proud, man.Copy !req
660. You're becoming a famous writer.
The famous Dr Gonzo.Copy !req
661. I can't account for
how people deal with it, you know.Copy !req
662. I've done OK. Shit...Copy !req
663. You know what I really liked, though?Copy !req
664. That column where you tried to find out
where I was.Copy !req
665. You were missed, Lazlo, by a lot of people.Copy !req
666. Not by me, of course, but...Copy !req
667. I got a new approach now, a new plan.Copy !req
668. I wish you luck in your new endeavour.Copy !req
669. - Come on.
- I got it.Copy !req
670. Come closer, man. Closer.Copy !req
671. OK, there you go.Copy !req
672. You know, I'm an endangered species.Copy !req
673. Kind of like the buffalo.Copy !req
674. Like, a lot of people thought I was dead,Copy !req
675. but you don't write any postcards
when you're on the road to self-discovery.Copy !req
676. I mean, the journey to enlightenment
is a long tripCopy !req
677. and that's the way it is, you know?Copy !req
678. You just keep going further and further
and deeper and deeperCopy !req
679. into higher and higher realms
of consciousness.Copy !req
680. - Am I right?
- Yes, sir, I think so.Copy !req
681. You've been there too, huh?Copy !req
682. - I think so, sir.
- Course he has. Look at his eyes.Copy !req
683. - I just don't pick up anybody hitchhiking.
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
684. I have been completely reborn.Copy !req
685. I am a new man.Copy !req
686. - Nyuh!
- I've been to outer regions.Copy !req
687. And I've walked with the king. You dig it?Copy !req
688. I have walked with the king!Copy !req
689. I've stood on the mountain,
I saw all the earth, man!Copy !req
690. - It's all over myself here.
- And he talked back.Copy !req
691. He talked back. He said, "It's all right, man.
It's all right."Copy !req
692. We were all right.Copy !req
693. Well, this is all good news.
Very comforting.Copy !req
694. This is empty.Copy !req
695. I think I'd like to get out pretty soon.Copy !req
696. Oh.Copy !req
697. You don't wanna get out around here.Copy !req
698. No, hey, we're your friends. Relax.Copy !req
699. Lazlo...Copy !req
700. you may have been wrong about him.Copy !req
701. He may not... fit in.Copy !req
702. How much do you think he knows?Copy !req
703. Enough to put us in personal danger.Copy !req
704. Boy. That kid was sick.Copy !req
705. - Why did you pick him up?
- He needed help.Copy !req
706. He was out of his mind. What is with you,
picking up weirdos? I knew right away.Copy !req
707. He could've done serious damage.Copy !req
708. - I like to help people.
- He had a wooden hand.Copy !req
709. I thought he was just tense.Copy !req
710. Mr Lewis?Copy !req
711. I'm sorry, there's no answer, Mr Lewis.Copy !req
712. That's impossible. Just keep ringing.
I'm certain he's up there.Copy !req
713. Hello? Hello?Copy !req
714. Hunter? Hunter what?Copy !req
715. Ain't nobody doin' no
huntin' up here, fool!Copy !req
716. This is a party, not a safari!Copy !req
717. Cowboys were a better team.Copy !req
718. Dallas, its second trip here.Copy !req
719. Because of media hype, the news media,
in the weeks before the Super Bowl,Copy !req
720. the distraction caused by the reporters,Copy !req
721. it is felt that a team making
its first trip to Super Bowl,Copy !req
722. as the Miami Dolphins are,Copy !req
723. is much more distracted
than a team that's been through it before.Copy !req
724. Hence one reason, repeat only one reason,Copy !req
725. for the Dallas Cowboys' favouritism
here this afternoon.Copy !req
726. Miami, of course,
moved toward this Super Bowl appearanceCopy !req
727. by winning one of the great
football games of...Copy !req
728. Come on, let me show you around.Copy !req
729. Is this the old Baby Face Nelson place?Copy !req
730. You guys know American gangsters?Copy !req
731. Homeboy to T1. Homeboy to T1.Copy !req
732. You remember Billy?Copy !req
733. He got paroled after three years.
He's joined our cause.Copy !req
734. - Glad you could make it, man.
- I couldn't miss this,Copy !req
735. when the old gang gets back for a hoot.Copy !req
736. - I don't know how long I'm gonna stay.
- Don't worry, man.Copy !req
737. As your ex-attorney,
I advise you not to worry.Copy !req
738. Homeboy to T1. Homeboy to T1.Copy !req
739. She's terrific. I met her in Vegas.Copy !req
740. - Lazlo, it's Rojas, he's coming.
- Perfect.Copy !req
741. - Right on schedule.
- Rojas?Copy !req
742. Yeah, Rojas. Come on, everybody, let's go.Copy !req
743. Lazlo!Copy !req
744. Compaòero.Copy !req
745. Como estás? Esto es Lazlo.Copy !req
746. Nos tiene los rifles, las pistolas,
las granadas, las bombas.Copy !req
747. Todo lo que necesitamos!Copy !req
748. Is this your new A party list?Copy !req
749. Odd-looking group.
Then you always did have strange friends.Copy !req
750. Associates. You are my friend.Copy !req
751. Oh, that's good to know.Copy !req
752. - Puedo?
- Whoa, whoa. Un momentito.Copy !req
753. Para ti.Copy !req
754. Mira lo que veo!Copy !req
755. Mira que belleza!Copy !req
756. Pero yo nunca había visto
un ametralladora así!Copy !req
757. Mira!Copy !req
758. You gave this man a gun?Copy !req
759. Perfecto. Sí.Copy !req
760. No.Copy !req
761. Es como una mujer!Copy !req
762. Playful little puppy, isn't he?Copy !req
763. Muy buenos rifle.Copy !req
764. Muy fast.Copy !req
765. Pendejo!Copy !req
766. Quite a staff you got here.Copy !req
767. Cara tan linda, coòo, ven aca.Copy !req
768. Un tequilita, un tequilita.Copy !req
769. Lazlo, what kind of weirdness is that?Copy !req
770. Look, man...Copy !req
771. We need you to write about our movement.
There's an airplane coming in later.Copy !req
772. - Airplane?
- These people are our brothers.Copy !req
773. They got a struggle and I wanna help 'em.Copy !req
774. - You should be part of it.
- These are your brothers?Copy !req
775. This cheap imitation General Patton
out here?Copy !req
776. I oughtta Mace the fucker for that cheap
trouncing he gave his buddy. Fuck you!Copy !req
777. It's history, man.Copy !req
778. Guns, dope, armed insurrection.Copy !req
779. Peasant land seizure.Copy !req
780. Dig it.Copy !req
781. Ghost riders, anarchist prophets,Copy !req
782. fire, blood...Copy !req
783. revolution!Copy !req
784. Oh, it's a grand, grand tale, Laz.Copy !req
785. It's right up there with
Gone With The Wind.Copy !req
786. I'm all for dope and
goats, nobody's bigger,Copy !req
787. but, you know, crazed dope lawyer
turns gun-running revolutionary,Copy !req
788. I'm pounding it up in my headCopy !req
789. and I think you should take me back
to the hotel and I'll finish the story.Copy !req
790. Don't give me this shit,
I'm counting on you.Copy !req
791. You gotta write a story. I need your help.Copy !req
792. Lazlo, look out there,
these guys are piranhas with guns.Copy !req
793. They stop their own.Copy !req
794. Hey, guns don't scare me, buddy.
I'm a weapons expert.Copy !req
795. Oh, gee, I'm sorry.Copy !req
796. Oh, no.Copy !req
797. Oh, gee, what a mix-up. Sorry.Copy !req
798. Oh, my God. Jeez.Copy !req
799. Billy, you wanna turn on the game?Copy !req
800. See if there's a score, Bill, yeah.Copy !req
801. Half-time here at Super Bowl VI
with Dallas leading Miami only 10 to 3.Copy !req
802. I say only because the seven-point margin
doesn't tell the dominance of the CowboysCopy !req
803. through the first 30 minutes. 'Copy !req
804. Dallas led by their brilliant quarterback,Copy !req
805. by the brilliant running
of halfback Duane Thomas.Copy !req
806. - Hi, Momma!
- Get him outta here!Copy !req
807. I wanna say hi to Big Bertha...Copy !req
808. - Sir, you'll have to leave.
- Do you see this fat fucker?Copy !req
809. Hey, man, I'm glad you're here.Copy !req
810. Who's your favourite group?
The Stones or the Beatles?Copy !req
811. This is T1 to Homeboy. Over.Copy !req
812. - This is Homeboy.
- I am six miles east at 900 feet.Copy !req
813. Over there. Yeah, on that ridge.Copy !req
814. We see you, you're dead ahead.Copy !req
815. Billy, light the runway.Copy !req
816. Truthfully now, have you done this before?Copy !req
817. Many, many times.Copy !req
818. OK, everybody, let's go.Copy !req
819. Please! You can't leave your car here.
Give me your keys, I'll run it back.Copy !req
820. Come on, come on.Copy !req
821. It's your car, somebody's gonna steal it.Copy !req
822. Ándale, ándale! Move it!Copy !req
823. Move it, pronto!
Get it in there, get it in there.Copy !req
824. Put it in there.Copy !req
825. Partner.Copy !req
826. Move it, come on! Move it!Copy !req
827. Vamos, muchachos. Let's go.Copy !req
828. Holy shit.Copy !req
829. Come on!Copy !req
830. - This guy a friend of yours?
- Grab the fuckin' box!Copy !req
831. Can I carry something?Copy !req
832. Yeah.Copy !req
833. Hey... whoa!Copy !req
834. Come on! Hunter!Copy !req
835. - Come on, man!
- Fascisti swine!Copy !req
836. Bastards! Playground strafers!Copy !req
837. - This car is a classic!
- Ándale!Copy !req
838. Hey! Hey! Thompson!Copy !req
839. Red alert! Red alert!Copy !req
840. I don't think we'll be
doing this again, Lazlo.Copy !req
841. Gonzo! Gonzo! Gonzo!Copy !req
842. Dr Thompson, where've you been?
We've been waiting for you.Copy !req
843. - Come on. Are you OK?
- Quit whining.Copy !req
844. - I... I was just...
- You've upset me already,Copy !req
845. calling me first thing...Copy !req
846. - Holy Jesus.
- No, we're going out there now.Copy !req
847. I don't think so.
You've whipped them into a frenzy.Copy !req
848. - Only a fool would go in there.
- They really want to see you.Copy !req
849. They probably mean business.
This isn't right.Copy !req
850. Come on. I think it's gonna be all right.Copy !req
851. - You look just fine.
- I know I look greatCopy !req
852. - but I don't feel too confident.
- Stay right there.Copy !req
853. - I'll be right back. Stay right there.
- Well...Copy !req
854. Gonzo! Gonzo!Copy !req
855. OK!Copy !req
856. They got the real woodpeckers here today.Copy !req
857. I know you've been waiting a long timeCopy !req
858. but he's here, so you'll get him.Copy !req
859. OK, quiet down, everybody.Copy !req
860. OK, great.Copy !req
861. OK, as you all know, Dr Thompson
is working on the campaign.Copy !req
862. He's on a very tight schedule, so keep
the questions brief and one at a time.Copy !req
863. Ladies and gentlemen, Dr Thompson.Copy !req
864. Me, me, me!Copy !req
865. Let's start here.Copy !req
866. - Dr Thompson...
- Any questions? What?Copy !req
867. In your recent pieces about the candidate,Copy !req
868. you're having difficulty
getting to see him. Why is that?Copy !req
869. Well, I think we keep different hours.Copy !req
870. Probably most of it, he calls me, I'm not in.
I return his call, he's out.Copy !req
871. He calls back, gets my machine.Copy !req
872. I call him back, he's under sedation.
It goes on.Copy !req
873. Cos I thought it had
something to do with this articleCopy !req
874. where you called him a treacherous hack
and a vermin-filled ex-wart healerCopy !req
875. who should be castrated so that his genes
aren't passed on to future generations.Copy !req
876. Did I say that?Copy !req
877. Well, I must have meant
it if I said it. So...Copy !req
878. I owe him an apology or nothing at all.Copy !req
879. If you get to see him,
what are you gonna say?Copy !req
880. Well...Copy !req
881. I'm gonna tell him to
wear brighter colours.Copy !req
882. He...Copy !req
883. Shut up. I'll talk.Copy !req
884. Why do you think they gave me this?Copy !req
885. Dr Thompson,
for those of us who are writers...Copy !req
886. Yeah? Those of us? Shall we raise
our hands so we know who we are?Copy !req
887. Could you tell me if you thought drugs
and alcohol would make me a better writer?Copy !req
888. That's a good question.Copy !req
889. Let me see.Copy !req
890. In my case, I hate to advocate drugs
or liquor, violence, insanity, to anyone,Copy !req
891. but in my case it's worked.Copy !req
892. We have another question
right here.Copy !req
893. Dr Thompson, er, are you gonna write
any more articles about Lazlo?Copy !req
894. Lazlo, my attorney?Copy !req
895. No.Copy !req
896. - No, he's dead.
- How's that?Copy !req
897. He hasn't been heard from for some time
and he's believed dead.Copy !req
898. Well, it always seemed to me
that he really didn't exist,Copy !req
899. that he was a figment of your writing.Copy !req
900. You couldn't invent someone like
Karl Lazlo. He was one of a kind, a mutant.Copy !req
901. A real heavyweight water buffalo type.Copy !req
902. Who could chew his way through
a concrete wallCopy !req
903. and spit out the other side
covered with lime and chalkCopy !req
904. and look good in doing it.Copy !req
905. He he was one of a kind, and...Copy !req
906. - Hey, Dooley! When do I get the interview?
- I'll take care of you.Copy !req
907. You've been saying that for days, Dooley.Copy !req
908. I would appreciate it
because I have to file.Copy !req
909. The candidate is very interested in you,
he reads your clippings every day,Copy !req
910. I make sure he sees them.Copy !req
911. - Dooley...
- Yeah?Copy !req
912. Excuse me.Copy !req
913. Thank you. Oh, hi.Copy !req
914. Oh, excuse me.Copy !req
915. Excuse me.Copy !req
916. - Somebody sitting there?
- No.Copy !req
917. Oh, jeez, I'm sorry.Copy !req
918. They never search me. Honest face.Copy !req
919. Fortunate it's me and not some maniac.Copy !req
920. You could raise some real hell with this.Copy !req
921. Torture a stewardess, hold the pilot
at bay, slash all the wiring.Copy !req
922. - Want some?
- No, thanks.Copy !req
923. Lot of C in there, vitamin C.Copy !req
924. Well, I get very greedy with my supplies
once we're airborne.Copy !req
925. Back on board the campaign special.Copy !req
926. Just made the plane after a flock
of poisoned ravens dive-bombed my car.Copy !req
927. The candidate is probably under sedation
in his compartment.Copy !req
928. Last night he was at the hotel pool
doing stunt dives for two cocktail waitersCopy !req
929. who were skinny-dipping in the pool.Copy !req
930. Screamed, "Watch my cannonball,"
went high into the air,Copy !req
931. landed right on his testicles.Copy !req
932. Be tough to watch his speech today knowing
his balls are the colours of the rainbow.Copy !req
933. OK, Thompson, up.Copy !req
934. Special session with the candidate, I guess.
Watch my stuff and I'll share my notes.Copy !req
935. Bring your stuff, you're off the plane.Copy !req
936. You can't throw me off.
I have the proper credentials.Copy !req
937. I decide who goes on what plane.Copy !req
938. From now on, you're on the zoo plane
with the technicians.Copy !req
939. Dooley, let him stay. He's got
as much right to be here as any of us.Copy !req
940. Don't push your luck, Lisogor.Copy !req
941. This is a cruel and bitter defeat,
and one that I probably won't forget.Copy !req
942. I'm not gonna worry about it.Copy !req
943. Would you like a beer?Copy !req
944. In the event of sudden loss of cabin
pressure, oxygen masks will be released.Copy !req
945. - Hi.
- Wouldn't let you up there?Copy !req
946. A minor setback, that's all.Copy !req
947. Thank you, you're very sweet.Copy !req
948. - You're Harris from the Post, aren't you?
- Right.Copy !req
949. That was nice stuff on the Florida primary.Copy !req
950. You were the only one who had
the blue collar vote on the button.Copy !req
951. - Incomplete.
- Is it always like this here?Copy !req
952. It's usually worse. Everyone's getting up.Copy !req
953. Thank God I'm only on for one stop. I don't
know how my backup man can stand it.Copy !req
954. It gets real ugly late in the day
when they start cooking.Copy !req
955. Jesus, why do they have to make
so much noise?Copy !req
956. Hey, how about shutting up?
A little charity, huh?Copy !req
957. Hey, you don't look too good.Copy !req
958. - My head feels like it's caving in.
- I had the same thing this morning.Copy !req
959. You got some aspirin there?Copy !req
960. These are prescription
but they'll take care of your headache.Copy !req
961. They won't put me to sleep?Copy !req
962. Oh, no.Copy !req
963. They'll relax you, though, quite a bit.Copy !req
964. Jesus, who's flying this thing?Copy !req
965. Oh, one of the gang.Copy !req
966. One of these people?Copy !req
967. Several of us are qualified
but this guy hasn't had much experience.Copy !req
968. Listen, I think I'd like one of those,
if that's OK.Copy !req
969. Don't tell anybody where you got 'em.Copy !req
970. - I'll take two.
- Good, that's what I took.Copy !req
971. - Here.
- Ah, thanks.Copy !req
972. I never had any complaints
about the blue ones.Copy !req
973. Listen to what Thompson's written.Copy !req
974. "The candidate,
and his crew of shameless enforcers,Copy !req
975. "brought their weird act to Wisconsin,Copy !req
976. "passing out free hits of black acid
to anyone who could stick out his tongue."Copy !req
977. - Acid?
- "A truly remarkable wayCopy !req
978. "of getting votes."Copy !req
979. Make way! Make way!Copy !req
980. Harris from the Post!Copy !req
981. Is coming through!Copy !req
982. Where is he?
Where is my friend Thompson?Copy !req
983. Thompson?Copy !req
984. Thompson! Thompson!Copy !req
985. It's Harris from the Post!Copy !req
986. Who's this?Copy !req
987. Harris from the Post!Copy !req
988. It's my turn to fly!Copy !req
989. - Oh, jeez.
- Does he have a licence?Copy !req
990. He's not instrument rated though.
I don't think he should.Copy !req
991. I feel... wonferdul.Copy !req
992. You're looking good. OK.Copy !req
993. All right, let's go have a cocktail.Copy !req
994. All right. Yeah, I told her about you.Copy !req
995. We got an emergency here!
Swine, open the door!Copy !req
996. I'll be out in a second.Copy !req
997. All right, let me have
your attention, please.Copy !req
998. Keep moving, just listen to me.Copy !req
999. The candidate will be speaking at the Loving
Care senior citizens centre at 12:45.Copy !req
1000. We will reassemble here at 2:30,
takeoff's at three o'clock. Don't get lost.Copy !req
1001. Once again, the candidate...Copy !req
1002. will be speaking at the Loving... Care
senior citi... zens centre...Copy !req
1003. Excuse me, have you seen Mr Harris
from the Post?Copy !req
1004. Mr Harris, what happened?Copy !req
1005. What's all this?Copy !req
1006. Harris from the Post.Copy !req
1007. How you doing, boys? Good to see you.Copy !req
1008. Hiya, sir. Harris from the Post.Copy !req
1009. Good to see you again.Copy !req
1010. Can I get anything for you, sir?Copy !req
1011. How's the family, Harris?Copy !req
1012. The family? Oh, that's bad news.Copy !req
1013. The screwheads finally came
and took my daughter away.Copy !req
1014. Let me ask you a question, sir.Copy !req
1015. What is this country doing for the doomed?Copy !req
1016. There are two kinds of people
in this country.Copy !req
1017. The doomed...Copy !req
1018. and the screwheads,Copy !req
1019. savage tribal thugs who live off
illegal incomes, burrowed deep out there.Copy !req
1020. No respect for human dignity.Copy !req
1021. They don't know what you and I understand.Copy !req
1022. You ever play football, Harris?Copy !req
1023. Yes, sir.Copy !req
1024. Thank you, sir. I played in college.Copy !req
1025. They're gonna get your daughter too.
I've heard their rallies.Copy !req
1026. They like Julie, but Tricia...Copy !req
1027. And they really hate you, sir.Copy !req
1028. You know that one half
of the state senate...Copy !req
1029. of Utah... are screwheads?Copy !req
1030. You know, I was never really
frightened by the...Copy !req
1031. bop-heads.Copy !req
1032. And the potheads with their silliness
never frightened me either.Copy !req
1033. But these goddamn screwheads...Copy !req
1034. they terrify me.Copy !req
1035. And the poor doomed,Copy !req
1036. the young and the silly and the honest,Copy !req
1037. and weak,Copy !req
1038. and Italians,Copy !req
1039. they're doomed.Copy !req
1040. They're lost, they're helpless,Copy !req
1041. they're somebody else's meal.Copy !req
1042. They're like pigs in the wilderness.Copy !req
1043. Come here, Harris.Copy !req
1044. Come here.Copy !req
1045. Fuck the doomed.Copy !req
1046. Move it along, no need to run.Copy !req
1047. - Just get on the plane.
- Wait for me.Copy !req
1048. This is it, right up here. Take your
seats, we take off in a few moments.Copy !req
1049. Hey, Dooley...Copy !req
1050. You wanna pick that up, take it with you?Copy !req
1051. Pick that up, take it with you!Copy !req
1052. Would you like a cocktail?Copy !req
1053. Do you happen to have
two aspirin?Copy !req
1054. Holy shit.Copy !req
1055. Not here.Copy !req
1056. - Is this seat taken?
- No, sit down.Copy !req
1057. - Is something wrong?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1058. No, nothing is wrong.Copy !req
1059. I just thought maybe I'd forgotten
my medicine.Copy !req
1060. Here it is. Everything's in order now.Copy !req
1061. Say... if anyone asks...Copy !req
1062. this seat right here is taken.Copy !req
1063. It's highly unlikely but I may have to flop
around in case I have one of my seizures.Copy !req
1064. Seizures?Copy !req
1065. Excuse me.Copy !req
1066. Oh, I'm sorry, this seat is taken.Copy !req
1067. - No, it isn't.
- But this man is...Copy !req
1068. He's capable of seizures.Copy !req
1069. That's better.Copy !req
1070. No, no, just relax.Copy !req
1071. Good.Copy !req
1072. This is terrific.Copy !req
1073. No question,
you got something going here, Hunter.Copy !req
1074. Harris. My name is Harris.Copy !req
1075. Ooh, Harris, right, I got it.Copy !req
1076. Undercover, right?Copy !req
1077. - Maybe I should sit somewhere else.
- No, no, no, you're fine.Copy !req
1078. But... I don't wanna sit here.Copy !req
1079. Trust me.Copy !req
1080. OK?Copy !req
1081. So, man...Copy !req
1082. you surprised to see me?Copy !req
1083. You bet.Copy !req
1084. You have no idea how much trouble
I had tracking you down,Copy !req
1085. - all the zipping around you do.
- I got a nutty, nutty schedule, Laz.Copy !req
1086. Yeah, well, anyway...Copy !req
1087. we got some business to do.Copy !req
1088. - We have business?
- Oh, yeah. Big business.Copy !req
1089. Now... Jesus, I got so much stuff here,
I don't know where to start.Copy !req
1090. This is it.Copy !req
1091. Land. Our land.Copy !req
1092. Acres and acres of it, man.Copy !req
1093. Square miles of land.Copy !req
1094. - Well?
- Sounds good.Copy !req
1095. I'm gonna be in San Francisco Tuesday.
We should get together.Copy !req
1096. Hey, man, that's no good.
We gotta move on this now.Copy !req
1097. Look at this.Copy !req
1098. - These guys you can trust, I trained 'em.
- Honest... honest faces, all of 'em.Copy !req
1099. Here. Look at this. Look at the body.Copy !req
1100. She's down there waiting for you.Copy !req
1101. I picked her out myself.Copy !req
1102. Hey.Copy !req
1103. This is Harris of the Post,Copy !req
1104. experiencing extreme turbulence,
and we're still on the ground.Copy !req
1105. Holy Jesus.Copy !req
1106. The forecast is for bad greasiness.Copy !req
1107. Don't you understand, man?Copy !req
1108. This'll be like having our own country,
the two of us.Copy !req
1109. It'll be like paradise, man,
like a fucking paradise!Copy !req
1110. You wise-ass son of a bitch. You're off
this campaign. Give me your credentials.Copy !req
1111. - Hold on.
- Give them to me right now.Copy !req
1112. Hey, calm down.Copy !req
1113. Calm down? Who are you? Who is he?
Who is this fat clown?Copy !req
1114. - Fat clown?
- Oh...Copy !req
1115. Yeah, fat clown.
Do I have to repeat myself all the time?Copy !req
1116. You psychotic, you've done it to me again.Copy !req
1117. It's for your own good.
You don't belong here.Copy !req
1118. Oh, look out.Copy !req
1119. It's just a drill, just a drill. Stay down.Copy !req
1120. - Dooley, are you all right?
- Thank you.Copy !req
1121. Dooley, heads up.Copy !req
1122. Stay back!Copy !req
1123. How do you stop this thing?Copy !req
1124. It's stuck. What the hell?Copy !req
1125. Agh! It wasn't, you swine!
You know it wasn't stuck.Copy !req
1126. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1127. Back there, whoo!Copy !req
1128. Oh, that was great, man.
Just like the old times.Copy !req
1129. - Jesus.
- Don't worry, we'll write a new story.Copy !req
1130. You are a menace to yourself
and those around you.Copy !req
1131. You can't stay on that plane, you'll dry up.
You're a creative man, a writer.Copy !req
1132. It did take a while to rile them up.Copy !req
1133. They're not your people.
I'm your people, man.Copy !req
1134. We're right on schedule. Truck's over here.Copy !req
1135. - I'm not coming.
- You're not coming?Copy !req
1136. I can't, you're insane, you're a maniac.Copy !req
1137. You're fortunate I haven't turned you in.Copy !req
1138. Hey, man, what are you talking about?Copy !req
1139. - I got this organised. Look at it.
- There's nothing there. It's rocks and dirt.Copy !req
1140. - That's the idea. We'll build.
- Build what?Copy !req
1141. You already live in the land of the weird.Copy !req
1142. Fuck, man, you're a writer.
Use your imagination.Copy !req
1143. - All right. Oh, there's buildings there.
- We'll build a goddamn paradise!Copy !req
1144. Our own place, you and me.Copy !req
1145. We got land, we got dope, we got women.Copy !req
1146. What kind of women would go there?Copy !req
1147. - That's not it, man.
- I'm not coming.Copy !req
1148. You gotta be my partner,
like it's always been, man.Copy !req
1149. Fifty-fifty.Copy !req
1150. Yeah, but I'm not coming.Copy !req
1151. It's blowing away!Copy !req
1152. Hey, come on, help me.Copy !req
1153. Hunter, come on.Copy !req
1154. You're my friend. Help me. It's gonna be
great, man. It's gonna be paradise.Copy !req
1155. Hot damn.Copy !req
1156. So much for the facts.Copy !req
1157. Bronco, listen to this,
tell me what you think.Copy !req
1158. "Well, I guess if I had to swear
one way or another,Copy !req
1159. "I'd say Lazlo wasn't insane.Copy !req
1160. "He just had very strange rhythms.Copy !req
1161. "But he stomped on the terror.Copy !req
1162. "Lord Buckley said that.Copy !req
1163. "It's hard to say he got
what he deserved...Copy !req
1164. "because he never really got anything."Copy !req
1165. "At least, not in this story,Copy !req
1166. "and right now this story is all we have."Copy !req
1167. Come on, Bronco, we're celebrating.Copy !req
1168. Come on, the story is finished, man,
don't get weird on me now.Copy !req
1169. To better days, huh?Copy !req
1170. A close second, Bronco.Copy !req
1171. "It's sad.Copy !req
1172. "But what's really sad is...Copy !req
1173. "it never got weird enough for me.Copy !req
1174. "I moved to the country
when the boat got too crowded.Copy !req
1175. "Then I learned that President NixonCopy !req
1176. "had been eaten by white cannibals
on an island near TijuanaCopy !req
1177. "for no good reason at all.Copy !req
1178. "Golly, you hear a lot of savage and
unnatural things about people these days.Copy !req
1179. "And Lazlo and Nixon are both gone now.Copy !req
1180. "But I don't think I'm
going to believe thatCopy !req
1181. "until I can gnaw on both of their skulls
with my very own teeth."Copy !req
1182. Fuck those people, huh?Copy !req
1183. "If they're out there,
I'm going to find themCopy !req
1184. "and I'm going to gnaw on their skulls...Copy !req
1185. "because it still hasn't gotten
weird enough for me."Copy !req