1. Life is like a parody
of your favorite song.Copy !req
2. Just when you think
you know all the words,Copy !req
3. surprise, you don't
know anything.Copy !req
4. Clear the way, clear the way!Copy !req
5. Clear!Copy !req
6. Shut that door, please!Copy !req
7. Clear!Copy !req
8. Dammit. Dammit!Copy !req
9. All right, nurse, let's call it.Copy !req
10. Time of death: 7:30—Copy !req
11. Quick!Copy !req
12. I need some paper,
and a number two pencil.Copy !req
13. But... maybe I'm getting
a little ahead of myself.Copy !req
14. Why don't we start
back at the beginning.Copy !req
15. All gabardine
suits are now 30% off.Copy !req
16. Jenkins in to the windup,Copy !req
17. and the three-two fastball
is in the—Copy !req
18. President Nixon
is on board Air—Copy !req
19. Whoo-whoo-whoo,
wind up your radio!Copy !req
20. It's time for
The Dr. Demento Show,Copy !req
21. two hours of mad music
and crazy comedyCopy !req
22. - from out of the archives...
- Alfy!Copy !req
23. What have we told you
about listening to that garbage?Copy !req
24. But Mom, it's Dr. Demento.Copy !req
25. It's my favorite show
in the whole world.Copy !req
26. It's going to rot your brain.Copy !req
27. You're lucky your father wasn't
here to catch you, mister.Copy !req
28. You know how he feels
about that kind of music.Copy !req
29. Yes, I know.Copy !req
30. All right. Now go on,
go get washed up.Copy !req
31. Dinner will be ready
in a few minutes.Copy !req
32. Alfy, aren't you going to ask
your father how his day was?Copy !req
33. Um, how was your day, Dad?Copy !req
34. What, how was my day?Copy !req
35. We had another fatality
down at the factory.Copy !req
36. Oh, God, real grisly
one this time.Copy !req
37. It was that McKinley kid
that started last week.Copy !req
38. I kept telling him
to stop messing aroundCopy !req
39. by that industrial shredder,
but he just wouldn't listen.Copy !req
40. I would've reached
out and grabbed him,Copy !req
41. but I already lost one hand
to that cursed machine.Copy !req
42. Well, anyway, there's an opening
down on the factory floor.Copy !req
43. Maybe I could pull a few stringsCopy !req
44. and you could spend the summer
working with your old man.Copy !req
45. How's that sound?Copy !req
46. Um, no thank you.Copy !req
47. "No, thank you."Copy !req
48. Well, you're gonna have to learn
sooner or later,Copy !req
49. that factory, that factory
will make a man outta you.Copy !req
50. But I don't wanna work
at the factory.Copy !req
51. I wanna make songs.Copy !req
52. What? You wanna make songs?
Did you hear that, Mary?Copy !req
53. We got a regular Bing Crosby
on our hands, don't we?Copy !req
54. Nick, you're embarrassing him.Copy !req
55. Oh, am I? Why don't you sing
us a little ditty, Bing, huh?Copy !req
56. Such a little songbird.
Sing one for us.Copy !req
57. Stop, stop! What in God's name
are you doing?Copy !req
58. Those aren't the right words.Copy !req
59. I know. I made 'em better.Copy !req
60. By changing the lyrics
to a well-known song?Copy !req
61. No, boy, what you're doing
is confusing and evil.Copy !req
62. My God, and I will not haveCopy !req
63. that kind of blasphemy
in my own home.Copy !req
64. But Dad...Copy !req
65. What has gotten
into you, Alfred?Copy !req
66. Hmm? With the songs
and the crazy magazines?Copy !req
67. That is all gonna stop now,
young man!Copy !req
68. Honey, I know it's
hard to hear this,Copy !req
69. but your dad and I
had a long talkCopy !req
70. and we agreed it would be best
for all of usCopy !req
71. if you would just stop
being who you areCopy !req
72. and doing the things you love.Copy !req
73. You don't understand me!Copy !req
74. It was a few weeks laterCopy !req
75. when a mysterious stranger
showed up at my doorCopy !req
76. and changed my life forever.Copy !req
77. Alfy, get the door.Copy !req
78. Why, good afternoon, sir.Copy !req
79. The gentleman of the house,
I take it?Copy !req
80. Well, congratulations.
Today is your lucky day.Copy !req
81. How would you like to be
the envy of all of your friendsCopy !req
82. and the most popular
fellow in town?Copy !req
83. Well, everything you
need to make that happen...Copy !req
84. is right here in this box.Copy !req
85. Um, my dad is actually...Copy !req
86. - Voila.Copy !req
87. Feast your eyes.Copy !req
88. Have you ever seen
such a gorgeous instrument?Copy !req
89. Better yet, try it on.Copy !req
90. Son, when you play
the accordion,Copy !req
91. you are a one-man band.Copy !req
92. You are the life of every party.Copy !req
93. Go ahead, son,
tickle those ivories.Copy !req
94. A natural talent.Copy !req
95. Son, you cannot squander that.Copy !req
96. You have got to buy this beauty,
and I guarantee it,Copy !req
97. you are gonna have girls
lined up around the corner.Copy !req
98. You're gonna need a lifeguardCopy !req
99. because you're gonna be
drowning in so much p—Copy !req
100. Hey! What's going on?Copy !req
101. And hello to you, sir.Copy !req
102. What are you doing in my house?Copy !req
103. And why is my
innocent young childCopy !req
104. wearing that
devil's squeeze box?Copy !req
105. That's actually our newest—Copy !req
106. I thought I told you to shut up!Copy !req
107. I don't remember you telling me
to shut up before,Copy !req
108. but if you're telling me now,
I will gladly—Copy !req
109. Dad!Copy !req
110. - Ah!Copy !req
111. Dad, stop! You're killing him!Copy !req
112. Nick? Oh Nick, oh Nick!Copy !req
113. No, Nick! Hey!
Nicky, stop it right now!Copy !req
114. You made me do this, boy.Copy !req
115. You brought this evil
into the house.Copy !req
116. And now look at you.Copy !req
117. Look at you.Copy !req
118. Take that devilish monstrosity
off this very instant.Copy !req
119. I don't wanna see you
ever wearing it again!Copy !req
120. Nick, why don't you go
take a little walk?Copy !req
121. I think you'd better cool off.Copy !req
122. - Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
123. I could use some fresh air
because it stinks in here.Copy !req
124. I'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere.Copy !req
125. I'll be right here.Copy !req
126. Mister, I'm so sorry about this.Copy !req
127. My husband, he just has
a little bit of a temper,Copy !req
128. but he is a good man
and he means well,Copy !req
129. but anyway,
if you're amenable to it,Copy !req
130. we'd like to buy that accordion.Copy !req
131. Mom! You mean it?Copy !req
132. How do you feel about
an early Christmas present?Copy !req
133. Yes! This is
the best thing ever!Copy !req
134. Thank you so much!Copy !req
135. There's just one thing.Copy !req
136. No one can see you playing it,
especially your father.Copy !req
137. This is our secret.
Do you understand me?Copy !req
138. Mom... does Dad hate me?Copy !req
139. No, of course not, sweetie.Copy !req
140. Then why is he always
so hard on me?Copy !req
141. Listen, you're too young
to understand now,Copy !req
142. but just trust me,
your father has his reasons.Copy !req
143. I think
I have a collapsed lung.Copy !req
144. We're trying to have
a conversation here, sir.Copy !req
145. For the next few years,
I kept to myselfCopy !req
146. and tried my best
to please Mom and Dad,Copy !req
147. but deep down,
I felt like I was living a lie.Copy !req
148. Sure. I was well-behaved,
I got good grades,Copy !req
149. but I never let anyone know
the real me.Copy !req
150. Hey, Yankovic, you going to that
party at Hofstadter's tonight?Copy !req
151. - His parents are out of town.
- Ah, geez, guys, I don't know.Copy !req
152. I'm not really allowed
to go to parties.Copy !req
153. You don't need to have
your parents' permission.Copy !req
154. Just sneak out.Copy !req
155. I-I don't think I can.Copy !req
156. My mom always tucks me in,
in case I have night terrors.Copy !req
157. You have night terrors?Copy !req
158. No, I—You know, just in case.Copy !req
159. Well, just use a hay boy, then.Copy !req
160. A hay boy? What's that?Copy !req
161. You don't know
what a hay boy is?Copy !req
162. Oh, dude, you've got
a lot to learn.Copy !req
163. Just let us handle everything.
We'll pick you up tonight.Copy !req
164. Okay, yeah.Copy !req
165. Night-night, Alfy.Copy !req
166. Don't let the bed bugs
give you night terrors.Copy !req
167. I mean, Myron Floren
is great and all,Copy !req
168. Lawrence Welk sure likes him,Copy !req
169. but he's way too overexposed.Copy !req
170. For my money,
it's Whoopee John WilfahrtCopy !req
171. that really gets me just
hoppin' and steppin'.Copy !req
172. I'm all about that
Minnesota sound, man.Copy !req
173. - Look what I found!
- Hey, hey!Copy !req
174. Hey, you didn't tell me that
this was gonna be a polka party.Copy !req
175. - What, do you not like polka?
- No, I like it, it's—Copy !req
176. My parents would kill me
if they knew I was here, okay?Copy !req
177. I'm so, so sorry, guys.Copy !req
178. I-I-I gotta go.
I can't—I can't be here, man.Copy !req
179. Come on, Al. Live a little!Copy !req
180. What's the worst
that could happen?Copy !req
181. You might actually
let your guard downCopy !req
182. and enjoy your life for once?Copy !req
183. Yeah, yeah, I can...
let my guard down.Copy !req
184. Hey... and sorry.Copy !req
185. Hey, everybody,
look what I found!Copy !req
186. Dude, pass it here. Pass it.Copy !req
187. - Okay, dude. Okay.Copy !req
188. Al, here. You gotta try this.Copy !req
189. Oh, no. No, no, thanks.
I'm good.Copy !req
190. Al's afraid his mommy and daddyCopy !req
191. are gonna find out
he tried an accordion.Copy !req
192. I just don't wanna play, okay?
Just, just lay off me, man!Copy !req
193. No, guys—Copy !req
194. - I'm not gonna—Copy !req
195. I'm not—I'm not—I'm not—Copy !req
196. Okay. Yeah, sure.
I'll play, yeah.Copy !req
197. - It's the cops! Everyone, run!Copy !req
198. I'm sorry to disturb you, ma'am,Copy !req
199. but I'm afraid we found your son
at a polka party.Copy !req
200. He was playing an accordion.Copy !req
201. That's impossible. Alfy's in—Copy !req
202. A hay boy? Really?Copy !req
203. What did I do to deserve this,
huh? Huh?Copy !req
204. It's like I don't even
know you anymore, Al.Copy !req
205. You want me to be like you.Copy !req
206. Look at me,
I'm nothing like you.Copy !req
207. You want me to work
that factory.Copy !req
208. Okay, I don't even know
what you make down there.Copy !req
209. You just call it the factory.Copy !req
210. You will find out what
we make at the factoryCopy !req
211. when you work at the factory!Copy !req
212. Well, it's my life,
and I wanna make musicCopy !req
213. and I wanna play the accordion.Copy !req
214. Ah, hogwash!Copy !req
215. And I'm good. I'm really,
really good!Copy !req
216. How did you get good at
playing the accordion, huh? Huh?Copy !req
217. It certainly wasn't
under my roof, was it?Copy !req
218. What'd you do, sneak out
and practice in the woodsCopy !req
219. in the middle of the night?Copy !req
220. No. I played it here, quietly.Copy !req
221. Yeah, I play in the closet.Copy !req
222. But I'm not a closet
accordion player anymore.Copy !req
223. It feels good!Copy !req
224. The closet, you say?Copy !req
225. Hmm...Copy !req
226. No-no-no. Dad, Dad, hey.
Hey, hey, hey, Dad.Copy !req
227. No-no-no. You're not going—
It's not in there.Copy !req
228. You're not gonna find
anything in there.Copy !req
229. Dad, what are you doing?
No, no, Dad—No-no-no-no—Copy !req
230. Dad, no. Dad, please.Copy !req
231. - Uh-huh?
- Stop, stop.Copy !req
232. - Boy.
- Stop. Stop it.Copy !req
233. - Boy, this...
- Please, Dad. Please! No-no-no!Copy !req
234. This is for your own good, boy.Copy !req
235. No, I need this, I need this—Copy !req
236. No!Copy !req
237. No, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
238. You—You think you're
gonna stop me from playing?Copy !req
239. You'll see.
One day I'm gonna be the best—Copy !req
240. Well, perhaps not technically
the best,Copy !req
241. but arguably the most
famous accordion playerCopy !req
242. in an extremely specific
genre of music.Copy !req
243. I'll show you.Copy !req
244. I'll show everybody!Copy !req
245. Get out!Copy !req
246. - Good riddance!Copy !req
247. Things at home never
got any better after that.Copy !req
248. But within a few years,
I graduatedCopy !req
249. and I was able to move out
and live on my own.Copy !req
250. Well, with three other guys
in a dirt-cheap apartment,Copy !req
251. but the point is, I didn't
have to answer to anybody.Copy !req
252. - Hey, hey.
- Howdy.Copy !req
253. Now I'd have a chance
to find othersCopy !req
254. who would truly understand me.Copy !req
255. I could find my people.Copy !req
256. - Okay, that's enough. Thanks.
- Mm.Copy !req
257. Yeah. Very... very interesting.Copy !req
258. So... we'll let you know, okay?Copy !req
259. Great. Um, when?Copy !req
260. Right now. You didn't make it.Copy !req
261. This sucks.Copy !req
262. It's the fifth audition I've
been kicked out of this week.Copy !req
263. It's almost like nobody wants an
accordion player in their band.Copy !req
264. That just doesn't
make any sense.Copy !req
265. Yeah. Accordions are cool.Copy !req
266. That's the problem
with being on the bleeding edge.Copy !req
267. You gotta wait for the rest of
the world to catch up with you.Copy !req
268. I don't have time to wait.Copy !req
269. If nobody wants to have me
in their group,Copy !req
270. I'm just gonna have
to go it on my own.Copy !req
271. Don't worry,
it's gonna happen for you.Copy !req
272. You just gotta hang in there.
We got your back.Copy !req
273. Thanks, Bermuda. All you guys.
You've just been so great.Copy !req
274. You really get me.
It is such a differenceCopy !req
275. after living with my folks
for so long.Copy !req
276. Yeah. And you know, the best
part of moving away from homeCopy !req
277. is you can do anything you want.
Hook up with girls...Copy !req
278. Get high all the time.Copy !req
279. Yeah, I mean, literally anything.Copy !req
280. There are no rules.Copy !req
281. Just last night,
I was drivingCopy !req
282. down the wrong side of the 101
with my eyes closed,Copy !req
283. not knowing whether I was
gonna live to see another dayCopy !req
284. or die in a horrible,
fiery wreck.Copy !req
285. Suck on that, Mom and Dad.Copy !req
286. - Yeah. You get it, Steve.
- You go, Steve.Copy !req
287. Oh, wow, Steve.Copy !req
288. What about you, Al?Copy !req
289. What's something you always
wanted to do,Copy !req
290. but you were never allowed to?Copy !req
291. Make up new words
to a song that already exists.Copy !req
292. Oh, well, you should
do that, then.Copy !req
293. Absolutely.Copy !req
294. Yeah. Why don't you
do it right now?Copy !req
295. Go on.
Make up something brilliant.Copy !req
296. No, guys, it's not that easy.Copy !req
297. I gotta wait
for inspiration to strike,Copy !req
298. and I'm pretty sure that well
dried up a long time ago.Copy !req
299. Oh, well, if you're not
gonna write us a song,Copy !req
300. why don't you make us
some sandwiches?Copy !req
301. Oh, yeah, dude, I'm starving.Copy !req
302. Sandwich! Sandwich! Sandwich!Copy !req
303. Okay, okay, okay.
Guys, I'm on it.Copy !req
304. Jim, you wanna put on
some tunes?Copy !req
305. Yeah.Copy !req
306. Oh, Steve? This bologna
has your name on it.Copy !req
307. - Can we?
- Uh, yeah, sure.Copy !req
308. Just open up a package
of my bologna.Copy !req
309. Is this DJ asleep?
The record keeps skipping.Copy !req
310. Hey! Wake up.Copy !req
311. Al?Copy !req
312. You okay?Copy !req
313. Where did that come from?Copy !req
314. Dude, I've got chills.Copy !req
315. I don't know, it just
came out of me.Copy !req
316. I've never heard anything
like that before in my life.Copy !req
317. You have to record that.Copy !req
318. Record it? No, come on, guys.Copy !req
319. Al, you've got something here.Copy !req
320. I don't know if it comes
from God or the devil,Copy !req
321. but the world needs to hear it.Copy !req
322. No, forget it, guys.Copy !req
323. I don't have the money
for a recording studio.Copy !req
324. I think the bathroom
at the bus stationCopy !req
325. has pretty good acoustics.Copy !req
326. Yeah, sounds good in here.Copy !req
327. You can put it right there,
that works.Copy !req
328. All right.Copy !req
329. Just mailed the tape
off to Captain Buffoon.Copy !req
330. Now, I guess, all I gotta do isCopy !req
331. sit back and wait
to become famous.Copy !req
332. Yeah, I don't think
that's quite how it works, Al.Copy !req
333. Nobody becomes famous overnight.
That's a myth.Copy !req
334. Sometimes it takes years,Copy !req
335. decades of hard work
to get noticed.Copy !req
336. - What?
- Look, I believe in you.Copy !req
337. I know it's gonna
happen for you someday,Copy !req
338. but you can't just mail your
tape off to some disc jockeyCopy !req
339. and expect to instantly
become a sensation.Copy !req
340. Man, why can't I catch a break?Copy !req
341. Captain
Buffoon on your radio dial.Copy !req
342. No, I'm not making this up—Copy !req
343. I just received this tape
in the mail a few minutes ago,Copy !req
344. and what can I say?
It's an instant sensation!Copy !req
345. It's already the number oneCopy !req
346. most-requested song
of the week,Copy !req
347. and we're playing
it all day long.Copy !req
348. So, here it is, once again,
Al Yankovic with My Bologna!Copy !req
349. - Again!Copy !req
350. You know what this means, right?Copy !req
351. You gotta get yourself
a record deal.Copy !req
352. I've heard enough.Copy !req
353. And what did you think?Copy !req
354. Do you know why they call it
the "music business"?Copy !req
355. Uh, why?Copy !req
356. Because it's a business.Copy !req
357. It's a business!Copy !req
358. Use your head, kid.Copy !req
359. Nobody wants to hear
a parody songCopy !req
360. when they can hear the real
thing for the same price.Copy !req
361. What's the point?Copy !req
362. Yeah, it makes
no financial sense whatsoever.Copy !req
363. Uh, my-my-my song was actuallyCopy !req
364. a-a big hit on
The Captain Buffoon Show.Copy !req
365. - Oh!
- What?Copy !req
366. Captain Buffoon? Really?Copy !req
367. - Yeah.
- Wait, wait.Copy !req
368. Captain Buffoon actually
played your song on the radio?Copy !req
369. Yeah.Copy !req
370. Why didn't you tell us?
This changes everything.Copy !req
371. Ben, get this young gentleman
a record contractCopy !req
372. this very instant.Copy !req
373. We are gonna sign him
to a 14-album deal.Copy !req
374. Wait, really?Copy !req
375. No! What do you think I am,
an idiot?Copy !req
376. - He's not an idiot!
- I'm not an idiot!Copy !req
377. - If I may interject here.
- Please.Copy !req
378. Look, I'd just like to sayCopy !req
379. that you got some nerve
coming in hereCopy !req
380. and wasting my time
and my brother Tony's time.Copy !req
381. I'm gonna remember your name
because you, Al Yankovic,Copy !req
382. are the most untalented,
pathetic loserCopy !req
383. that I've ever met
in my entire life.Copy !req
384. Okay, um, maybe—Copy !req
385. You're nothing but a hack,
a stupid, useless parasite,Copy !req
386. - and you're so ugly.
- Okay...Copy !req
387. That ridiculous hair,
that horrible mustache,Copy !req
388. stupid glasses.Copy !req
389. You make me wanna throw up!Copy !req
390. All right, thank you.
Thank you, Ben.Copy !req
391. Thank you, Ben, for your,
for your thoughts.Copy !req
392. - Thank you.
- Jeez.Copy !req
393. - Ugh.
- Look, kid,Copy !req
394. if you really have your heart
set on doing this stupid music,Copy !req
395. maybe write more than one song.Copy !req
396. Yeah, all the biggest
musical acts have more thanCopy !req
397. one song in their catalog.Copy !req
398. That's very true.Copy !req
399. And also, get out
in front of a live audience.Copy !req
400. Any audience, any stage,Copy !req
401. just get out there, build up
your chops, and who knows?Copy !req
402. Maybe someday...
we'll talk again.Copy !req
403. But don't count on it
because you truly suck.Copy !req
404. Right.Copy !req
405. Okay.Copy !req
406. Thank you! We are Skunk Barf!Copy !req
407. - You guys suck!Copy !req
408. I can't do this.
I can't do this.Copy !req
409. Just relax, you'll be great.Copy !req
410. Yeah, the new song's
a bona fide hit.Copy !req
411. It's about ice cream!Copy !req
412. Everybody likes ice cream.Copy !req
413. This seems like more of
a whiskey and... heroin crowd.Copy !req
414. Look, guys, I appreciate youCopy !req
415. being here for moral support
and everything,Copy !req
416. but they are
literally gonna kill me.Copy !req
417. We need to leave right now.Copy !req
418. Don't be silly, man.
They're gonna love you.Copy !req
419. All right, we got, uh,
most of the bloodCopy !req
420. cleaned off the stage,
so you're on, now.Copy !req
421. - Go start the car.
- Nah, you got this, Al.Copy !req
422. This is your moment.
Go get 'em, champ.Copy !req
423. - Go get 'em.Copy !req
424. All right, all right,
who's ready for some more music?Copy !req
425. Okay, uh, coming next
to the stage,Copy !req
426. it's this guy's first time,
Al Yankovic.Copy !req
427. - Hey.Copy !req
428. Sorry.Copy !req
429. Sorry.Copy !req
430. Ah, nice Hawaiian shirt,
Trapper John!Copy !req
431. Um...Copy !req
432. Boo!Copy !req
433. This guy needs some help.Copy !req
434. Gimme a shot of tequila
and two scoops of rum raisin.Copy !req
435. We don't sell ice cream here.Copy !req
436. You better start selling it
before this song's overCopy !req
437. or you're gonna have a riot
on your hands.Copy !req
438. Why didn't you guys tell me
you could play? You're great.Copy !req
439. I guess it didn't seem
relevant 'til now.Copy !req
440. - Thank you!Copy !req
441. Oh, hey.Copy !req
442. Oh! You're Dr. Demento.Copy !req
443. Oh, wow. I am such a huge fan.
I can't believe this.Copy !req
444. I've been listening to your show
my entire life.Copy !req
445. Whoo-whoo-whoo,
wind up your radio—Copy !req
446. - Don't do that.
- Sorry.Copy !req
447. Um, did you see the show?Copy !req
448. I did. And let me
tell you something, kid.Copy !req
449. Every once in a great while,
I can spot a talentCopy !req
450. that I know is headed
straight to the top.Copy !req
451. Nervous Norvus,Copy !req
452. Wild Man Fischer,Copy !req
453. and now... you.Copy !req
454. What I saw you do on that stage
tonight blew my mind!Copy !req
455. I'm telling you,
you've cracked the code.Copy !req
456. You're onto something special.Copy !req
457. Wow, I mean, you, you,
you have no ideaCopy !req
458. what it means
for me to hear you say that.Copy !req
459. - Thank you so much.
- Oh...Copy !req
460. Um, I only wish
the Scotti BrothersCopy !req
461. felt the same way.Copy !req
462. Ah, those suits. They
couldn't recognize real talentCopy !req
463. if it slapped them in the face
with a dead fish.Copy !req
464. But I might be able to
get them to notice you.Copy !req
465. How?Copy !req
466. Well, stick with me, huh?Copy !req
467. I know a little something
about the biz.Copy !req
468. Uh, wait, are-are you saying
you want to be my mentor?Copy !req
469. No, I'm saying I want to
be your... de-mentor!Copy !req
470. But first, we gotta find you
a stage name.Copy !req
471. I mean, Al Yankovic. Ugh, blech.Copy !req
472. Doesn't exactly trip off
the tongue now, does it?Copy !req
473. I guess not.Copy !req
474. It's so clunky. It's long.Copy !req
475. It's ungainly.
It's hard to pronounce.Copy !req
476. Sorry.Copy !req
477. Now, I'm just gonna throw
this out there.Copy !req
478. Would you be willing
to change your name to...Copy !req
479. Weird... Al Yankovic?Copy !req
480. I love it.Copy !req
481. Great. Great!Copy !req
482. Hey, I'm having a little pool
party at the house this weekend.Copy !req
483. I'd love to introduce
you to some folks.Copy !req
484. What do you say you come on by,Copy !req
485. we'll continue this conversation
at the grotto.Copy !req
486. Yes, of course!Copy !req
487. Mm-hmm. And don't forget
to stay demented!Copy !req
488. You got it.Copy !req
489. H-H-Hey!Copy !req
490. There he is,
my newest superstar.Copy !req
491. Ah, so glad you could make it.Copy !req
492. I've been telling everyone
about you,Copy !req
493. and, uh, looks like you've
brought your band.Copy !req
494. Okay, fine.Copy !req
495. Uh, there's some canapés right
over there, gentlemen.Copy !req
496. Help yourselves. So,
let me show you around, okay?Copy !req
497. Everyone's dying to meet you.
Oh, right this way.Copy !req
498. - Uh, Mr. Herman.
- Hello.Copy !req
499. I'd like you to meet
"Weird Al" Yankovic.Copy !req
500. Ah, a rising star.Copy !req
501. Pleased to meet you.Copy !req
502. And this is, of course,
Tiny Tim.Copy !req
503. Oh, Mr. Yankovic. Oh, why,
you're just the cat's pajamas.Copy !req
504. Is that a good thing?Copy !req
505. Sure.Copy !req
506. Ah, excuse us, gentlemen.Copy !req
507. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
508. So that's Demento's new protégé.Copy !req
509. You know, I hear
they don't even hand outCopy !req
510. raincoats and tarps
at his shows.Copy !req
511. Amateur hour.Copy !req
512. Amateur hour.Copy !req
513. Well, hello, Dali.Copy !req
514. Andy.Copy !req
515. What do you think of
this "Weird Al" Yankovic?Copy !req
516. Dali predicts he will change
everything we know about art!Copy !req
517. Weird Al will change the world!Copy !req
518. Eh, I give him 15 minutes.Copy !req
519. Well, well, well, if it
isn't Dr. Demento.Copy !req
520. Wolfman Jack.
Who let you in here?Copy !req
521. The Wolfman goes where
the Wolfman wants, baby.Copy !req
522. Security!Copy !req
523. Relax. I just came by
to lay eyes on this catCopy !req
524. you've been paradin' around.Copy !req
525. The one who takes
preexisting musical compositionsCopy !req
526. and completely changes
the lyrics.Copy !req
527. He has a name, you know.
And it's "Weird Al" Yankovic.Copy !req
528. Well then, put 'er
there, Weird Al.Copy !req
529. Oooh! Too slow.Copy !req
530. What is the meaning of this?Copy !req
531. This is me telling you
that I know hit talentCopy !req
532. when I see it,
and this kid ain't it.Copy !req
533. He'll never crack the top 40,
he's too niche.Copy !req
534. This kid, as you call him,
is the future of music.Copy !req
535. Right. Well, if he's so great,
how about he comes upCopy !req
536. with a new parody song
right now on the spot?Copy !req
537. - Ooh...
- Whoa.Copy !req
538. I mean, come on, man.
It's a party.Copy !req
539. I don't know that's a good idea.Copy !req
540. Do Another One Bites the Dust.Copy !req
541. That seems fitting,
who said that?Copy !req
542. I did. I'm John Deacon...Copy !req
543. of Queen.Copy !req
544. I play the bass in Queen.Copy !req
545. Oh...Copy !req
546. All right, future boy.Copy !req
547. Let's hear what you can do with
Another One Bites the Dust.Copy !req
548. We're waiting.Copy !req
549. You don't have to
prove anything to him.Copy !req
550. Come on, guy from Queen.Copy !req
551. Let's go find a party
with some real talent.Copy !req
552. Get me my accordion.Copy !req
553. Hey, you like deviled eggs?Copy !req
554. I love a good deviled egg.
They don't love me, though.Copy !req
555. I don't know what to say.Copy !req
556. That was the—Copy !req
557. That was the most
beautiful thingCopy !req
558. I've ever heard
in my entire life.Copy !req
559. You truly have
a rare gift, Weird Al.Copy !req
560. Hey mate, we're playing
a little gig next weekCopy !req
561. called Live Aid,
Wembley Stadium.Copy !req
562. I'd be honored if you
would join the bandCopy !req
563. and play that song
on stage with us.Copy !req
564. What do you say?Copy !req
565. Hard pass!Copy !req
566. - This guy?
- Get him, get him out of here!Copy !req
567. I felt like
I was on top of the world,Copy !req
568. but this was
just the beginning.Copy !req
569. "Weird Al" Yankovic is
one of the most excitingCopy !req
570. new artists in pop music today.Copy !req
571. His self-titled debut albumCopy !req
572. was just certified
quintuple platinum.Copy !req
573. Simply by taking well-known
pop songsCopy !req
574. and changing the lyrics,Copy !req
575. Yankovic has taken
the world by storm.Copy !req
576. I have never seen a collection
of Hawaiian shirts like this.Copy !req
577. Oh, well, thank you, Oprah!Copy !req
578. He has the number one
album in 20 countriesCopy !req
579. and counts among his fans
such luminaries as...Copy !req
580. Hey, turn this up.Copy !req
581. President Ronald
Reagan and Pope John Paul II.Copy !req
582. Even international drug lord
Pablo EscobarCopy !req
583. calls Weird Al
his favorite musician.Copy !req
584. And what about this,
this necklace you're wearing?Copy !req
585. Oh, these, yeah.Copy !req
586. I, uh, I wear one
solid platinum record medallionCopy !req
587. for each time my album
went platinum.Copy !req
588. So that's one, two,
three, four, five.Copy !req
589. Wow. Those look heavy.Copy !req
590. They are super uncomfortable.Copy !req
591. And it's not
just the record companyCopy !req
592. that's cashing in
on Weird Al fever.Copy !req
593. The artists he's parodying
are experiencing a phenomenonCopy !req
594. that's being called
the Yankovic Bump.Copy !req
595. The Knack, Joan Jett
and even QueenCopy !req
596. have seen their
album sales doubleCopy !req
597. after Weird Al put
his unique spin on their songs.Copy !req
598. Which begs the question,
who will be next?Copy !req
599. Who indeed?Copy !req
600. Al, you really do seem to have
the Midas touch.Copy !req
601. I've never seen anything like it
in all my years.Copy !req
602. Your parents must be proud.Copy !req
603. Yeah. Yeah, my parents...Copy !req
604. Is everything okay?Copy !req
605. Huh? Yeah. Yes, of course.Copy !req
606. Yeah, whose—whose parents
wouldn't be proud?Copy !req
607. Exactly.Copy !req
608. - Al? Al?Copy !req
609. Hello?Copy !req
610. - Hey, Mom. It's me.
- Alfy?Copy !req
611. It's been
a long time, hasn't it?Copy !req
612. We saw you on the TV.Copy !req
613. It's crazy, right?Copy !req
614. Yeah, who would've thought?Copy !req
615. I'm actually gearing up
for a residency right nowCopy !req
616. at Madison Square Garden.Copy !req
617. Sold out 25 nights in a row.Copy !req
618. They're, uh, they're
moving the KnicksCopy !req
619. to a hockey rink in Jersey
for a month.Copy !req
620. - Huh.
- Yep.Copy !req
621. Yep. I'm living the dream.Copy !req
622. I mean, to have 20,000 people
every nightCopy !req
623. singing along to my wordsCopy !req
624. to other people's music.Copy !req
625. I feel truly alive
when I'm on that stage.Copy !req
626. Oh, that's nice.Copy !req
627. Are you eating enough bran?Copy !req
628. - What?
- Well, it's important.Copy !req
629. It keeps you regular
and you know how you getCopy !req
630. when you're not having
your regular BMs, Alfy.Copy !req
631. I—Yeah, sure.Copy !req
632. Good. That's good.Copy !req
633. So, um, so how's Dad?Copy !req
634. Gosh, your father's
a complicated man.Copy !req
635. Does he ever talk about me?Copy !req
636. Oh, sure, all the time. Yes.Copy !req
637. There's so many things
that he wants to tell you,Copy !req
638. but it's just difficult for him.Copy !req
639. Well, like what?Copy !req
640. You know, what does
he want to tell me?Copy !req
641. Well, mostly he just
wants to let you know thatCopy !req
642. he's definitely not
proud of you.Copy !req
643. What?Copy !req
644. Yes. He told me to be
crystal clear about that.Copy !req
645. Also, he still thinks
that parody songs are stupid,Copy !req
646. and I don't have to tell youCopy !req
647. how he feels about the
accordion, do I?Copy !req
648. Okay. Well, Mom,
I actually have to go now.Copy !req
649. You know, he just never
really wanted to have kids.Copy !req
650. Okay. Well, great
talking to you.Copy !req
651. Listen, if you do wanna get
that job down at the factory,Copy !req
652. I'm sure your father can
pull a few strings for you.Copy !req
653. All right. Take care
now, bye-bye.Copy !req
654. - Love you, Alfy!
- Yep!Copy !req
655. Oh, tough call with
the folks, huh?Copy !req
656. You know, I can fire upCopy !req
657. the downstairs hot tub
for you if you'd like.Copy !req
658. Oh, no, no, this is fine.Copy !req
659. I don't want to put you
through any trouble.Copy !req
660. I—It's really no trouble.Copy !req
661. I mean, there are actually
three other JacuzzisCopy !req
662. in the house that are
not here in my bedroom.Copy !req
663. Oh, that's so sweet of you,
but really, I'm good.Copy !req
664. You, on the other hand,
you don't seem so good.Copy !req
665. Do you wanna talk about it?Copy !req
666. It's just, my whole life,Copy !req
667. all I've wanted is for my father
to accept me for who I am.Copy !req
668. And I thought if I became
this huge success,Copy !req
669. that that would change
things, but...Copy !req
670. Mm.Copy !req
671. But he still hates everything
about me.Copy !req
672. You know, maybe he's right.
Maybe parody songs are stupid.Copy !req
673. Look, you don't have to
write parody songsCopy !req
674. if you don't want to.Copy !req
675. What?Copy !req
676. You look a little hungry.
Here, have a snack.Copy !req
677. You can write your own songs.Copy !req
678. You think I took
you under my wingCopy !req
679. because you write parody songs?Copy !req
680. No, I saw in you a visionary,Copy !req
681. an artist who has
something to give to the world.Copy !req
682. I saw in you something special,Copy !req
683. something your father
doesn't seeCopy !req
684. and that even you don't see...Copy !req
685. yet.Copy !req
686. This guacamole tastes funny.Copy !req
687. Of course
it does. It's loaded with LSD.Copy !req
688. What?Copy !req
689. - No!Copy !req
690. You need to open your heart
and your mind,Copy !req
691. face your fears,
break your chains,Copy !req
692. come with me
on a spiritual journey.Copy !req
693. Find your source of inspiration!Copy !req
694. No, that-that is totally
not cool, man. You can't just—Copy !req
695. Whoa, no, what is happening
to your head?Copy !req
696. That's probably
the drugs kicking in.Copy !req
697. Just relax and enjoy the ride.Copy !req
698. It'll be over in like,
ten to 12 hours.Copy !req
699. Twelve hours?
No, no, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
700. I'm just gonna close my eyes
and when I open them up again,Copy !req
701. everything is gonna
be completely back to—Copy !req
702. What in God's name
are you doing, boy?Copy !req
703. Those aren't the right words!Copy !req
704. Please, just stop being
who you areCopy !req
705. and doing the things you love.Copy !req
706. You, Al Yankovic,
are the most untalented,Copy !req
707. pathetic loser I've ever
met in my entire life!Copy !req
708. No, no, no, stop it.
Leave me alone!Copy !req
709. Alfred Yankovic, this
is your time.Copy !req
710. Believe in yourself,
and the song will come to you.Copy !req
711. Don't listen to him, boy!Copy !req
712. You belong with me,
at the factory!Copy !req
713. It's your destiny!Copy !req
714. Aah! No!Copy !req
715. Aah! No!Copy !req
716. He's losing his power
over you, keep going!Copy !req
717. I can't!Copy !req
718. Maybe you should try
a little Cap'n Crunch.Copy !req
719. What?Copy !req
720. Raisin Bran, perhaps?Copy !req
721. No, no! I don't want
no Cap'n Crunch!Copy !req
722. Don't want no Raisin Bran!Copy !req
723. Eat it, just eat it.Copy !req
724. I don't understand!Copy !req
725. Don't you make me repeat it.Copy !req
726. What's happening to me?Copy !req
727. Now you must die
in order to be reborn.Copy !req
728. No, no! No!Copy !req
729. Put it in.Copy !req
730. I've heard enough.Copy !req
731. It's brilliant.Copy !req
732. Okay, I'm sorry.
I don't recognize the tune.Copy !req
733. What song
are you parodying here?Copy !req
734. I'm not parodying anything.Copy !req
735. This song is completely original.Copy !req
736. Wait, you wrote the words
and the music?Copy !req
737. That's right.Copy !req
738. Okay, just to be
perfectly clear,Copy !req
739. so you're saying this is not
a parody of an existing song,Copy !req
740. but an entirely
original compositionCopy !req
741. that you wrote all by yourself?Copy !req
742. Yes.Copy !req
743. Not based on anybody else's song
in any way?Copy !req
744. Did I stutter?Copy !req
745. I'm tired of people thinking
I'm some kind of joke, okay?Copy !req
746. I am done writing
parody songs.Copy !req
747. Done.Copy !req
748. From now on,Copy !req
749. I am only gonna do
completely original music.Copy !req
750. Oh, Al, you can't smoke in here.Copy !req
751. I totally deserved that.Copy !req
752. Well, I am blown away.
This is a bold new direction.Copy !req
753. I mean, the parody
songs were fine,Copy !req
754. but you've completely
changed the game here.Copy !req
755. This is gonna be your
biggest hit yet.Copy !req
756. Okay, okay! Hold your horses!Copy !req
757. "Weird Al" Yankovic.Copy !req
758. Um, do I know you?Copy !req
759. Madonna. Ring any bells?Copy !req
760. Oh, right. Madonna.Copy !req
761. Yeah, Lucky Star,
Holiday, Borderline.Copy !req
762. Born in Michigan,
Catholic schoolgirl,Copy !req
763. dropped outta college
and moved to New York CityCopy !req
764. with nothing but the clothes
on your backCopy !req
765. and $35 in your pocket.Copy !req
766. Maybe it was to become
the Queen of Pop.Copy !req
767. Maybe it was to get back at Dad
for marrying the housekeeper.Copy !req
768. Wow.Copy !req
769. You know a lot more about me
than you let on.Copy !req
770. What can I say?
I'm full of surprises.Copy !req
771. So, what brings you
here, Madonna?Copy !req
772. Oh, I was in the neighborhood.Copy !req
773. Wanted to see if my map to
the stars' homes was accurate.Copy !req
774. Guess you won't need
a refund, then.Copy !req
775. Is that, uh, all you wanted?Copy !req
776. No, I want a lot of things,Copy !req
777. but the truth is,
I'm a big fan of yours.Copy !req
778. Join the club.Copy !req
779. Have you heard my new
single, Like a Virgin?Copy !req
780. Oh, I've heard it.Copy !req
781. And I'm curious,
is that song autobiographical?Copy !req
782. Yes. I technically am a virgin,Copy !req
783. except for the fact
that I've had a lot of sex.Copy !req
784. I mean, a lot.Copy !req
785. I see.Copy !req
786. Anyway, I was wonderingCopy !req
787. if you were going to
do a parody of my song.Copy !req
788. Maybe.Copy !req
789. I like that.Copy !req
790. So, would you like to see
the rest of the house?Copy !req
791. There's only one room
I'm interested in seeing.Copy !req
792. Oh, I'm doing some
work on the bathroom,Copy !req
793. but there's another
one downstairs.Copy !req
794. Oh, I'm not talking
about the bathroom.Copy !req
795. Then let me show you
to the laundry room.Copy !req
796. Al Yankovic,
are you playing with me?Copy !req
797. Yes?Copy !req
798. Oh, you're so weird.Copy !req
799. So, are we like, boyfriend
and girlfriend now?Copy !req
800. Maybe.Copy !req
801. Well, now that things
are official,Copy !req
802. I should really be
honest with you.Copy !req
803. When I said I might parody
one of your songs, I lied.Copy !req
804. So, it's true,
what they're saying.Copy !req
805. You're not doing
parodies anymore.Copy !req
806. My song Eat It,Copy !req
807. which, as you know, is
a hundred percent original,Copy !req
808. is the biggest hit
by anybody ever.Copy !req
809. So, I've decided that's all
I wanna do from now on.Copy !req
810. Completely original songs.Copy !req
811. See, that's what
I love about you.Copy !req
812. You know what you want and
you know how to get it.Copy !req
813. Just like me.Copy !req
814. How about that?
And I've got some amazing news.Copy !req
815. I've officially gotten the word
that we have brokenCopy !req
816. the Beatles' record for most
singles in the Billboard Top 10.Copy !req
817. Oh.Copy !req
818. Yeah, cool.Copy !req
819. Uh, okay.Copy !req
820. Well, um, we have some very
exciting offers pouring inCopy !req
821. that I would love to—Copy !req
822. - That—
- Oh, that feels good.Copy !req
823. love to discuss with—Copy !req
824. Love to discuss with you.Copy !req
825. We got some, some great calls.Copy !req
826. - Uh, very interesting.Copy !req
827. Led Zeppelin, uh, is thinking
about getting back together,Copy !req
828. but they say the only
way they'll do itCopy !req
829. is if they can
open up for you on tour.Copy !req
830. I mean, that's sweet, but yeah.Copy !req
831. I already offered the gig
to Howie Mandel, so.Copy !req
832. Okay, yeah. But this
is perhaps—Copy !req
833. Look, I am not bumping
Mandel for Zeppelin, okay? Pass.Copy !req
834. Okay. Got it.Copy !req
835. Uh, well, we have another offer,
a very serious offer.Copy !req
836. This is to replace Roger Moore
in the James Bond franchise.Copy !req
837. - Now this one—
- No!Copy !req
838. No, no, no, I'm not gonna
be the new James Bond.Copy !req
839. I'm not gonna be
the new Indiana Jones.Copy !req
840. From now on, everything I do
has to be completely original.Copy !req
841. How many times have
I gotta say that?Copy !req
842. Look, Mr. Pimento,
we have places to be.Copy !req
843. How long is this gonna take?Copy !req
844. Not much longer.Copy !req
845. We got another offer
for you to playCopy !req
846. Pablo Escobar's 40th
birthday party.Copy !req
847. I saw him on the news.
He's a really big deal.Copy !req
848. The drug lord?
Why is he so obsessed with me?Copy !req
849. And he has upped his offer
to three billion pesos.Copy !req
850. I mean, okay, how much is
that in American money?Copy !req
851. You know what, never mind.Copy !req
852. I don't feel like
doing the math.Copy !req
853. Well, I've done the math
and I can assure you—Copy !req
854. Bup-bup-bup!
I can do my own math,Copy !req
855. and I said,
I don't want to. Pass.Copy !req
856. Alfy, are you chewing my gum?Copy !req
857. I don't know. Maybe.Copy !req
858. You wanna come get it?Copy !req
859. You, you don't think
things are movingCopy !req
860. too fast with us, do you?Copy !req
861. Baby, don't be silly.
We're soulmates.Copy !req
862. This is true love.
When you know, you know.Copy !req
863. You're so right.Copy !req
864. This has been the happiest
six hours of my life.Copy !req
865. Mr. Yankovic, you have
a phone call at the host stand.Copy !req
866. Excuse me, my love.Copy !req
867. This better be good.Copy !req
868. Well...Copy !req
869. What's going on, Tony?Copy !req
870. Okay, um, I-I thought you
should hear it from me first.Copy !req
871. Michael Jackson just released
a new single called Beat It.Copy !req
872. It's, um...Copy !req
873. Well, it's-it's a parody
of Eat It.Copy !req
874. You mean the kid from
the Jackson Five?Copy !req
875. Why is that has-been trying
to ride my coattails?Copy !req
876. He actually has a pretty
successful solo career now.Copy !req
877. Whatever! You're telling meCopy !req
878. Michael Jackson recorded
a parody of my song?Copy !req
879. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.Copy !req
880. Same music, different words.Copy !req
881. What kinda sick freak
changes the wordsCopy !req
882. to someone else's song?Copy !req
883. Beat It, huh?Copy !req
884. Wait, so it's about eggs?Copy !req
885. No, no, it's, uh, I don't
think it's even about food.Copy !req
886. It's about fighting or...Copy !req
887. trying to avoid a fight?
I'm not exactly sure—Copy !req
888. What gives him the right?
Can he even do this?Copy !req
889. I think you're overreacting
just a little, okay?Copy !req
890. I mean, this could be
great publicity.Copy !req
891. Sell a few more albums.Copy !req
892. No, I don't need to
sell more albums, Tony!Copy !req
893. I need people to start
taking me seriouslyCopy !req
894. as an artist
that creates original music.Copy !req
895. Now some idiots
will probably get confusedCopy !req
896. and think Beat It came first!Copy !req
897. Nobody's gonna think that.Copy !req
898. This is a disaster,
for the rest of my life now,Copy !req
899. I'm gonna be linked to
this Michael Jackson guy.Copy !req
900. And why would that be so bad?Copy !req
901. You know, maybe it's a good
thing. I-I think it's an honor.Copy !req
902. Michael's one of the biggest
stars in the world.Copy !req
903. Everything okay?Copy !req
904. Everything's pretty
freaking not okay.Copy !req
905. I finally created something
of my ownCopy !req
906. and now people are just gonna
think I'm ripping offCopy !req
907. "Michael Jackson."Copy !req
908. Your filet?Copy !req
909. I think I lost my appetite.Copy !req
910. Babe, you seem stressed.
You should have a drink.Copy !req
911. I don't really drink.Copy !req
912. If there's one thing
I've learned in life,Copy !req
913. the only thing
that can clear your headCopy !req
914. and make you feel better is
hard alcohol, and lots of it.Copy !req
915. Well, you know me better
than anyone.Copy !req
916. I trust you.Copy !req
917. He'll have a whiskey, neat.Copy !req
918. You know what? Maybe you should
bring the whole bottle.Copy !req
919. - I know, right?Copy !req
920. Hey, hey. The king is here!
Let's get this party started.Copy !req
921. Dude, soundcheck was supposed
to start like three hours ago.Copy !req
922. Well, I wasn't here three hours
ago, so we're starting now.Copy !req
923. Al, are you drunk?Copy !req
924. I'm not drunk,
you're all drunk.Copy !req
925. No, this is pointless.Copy !req
926. Hey, man, why don't you
just get out of here?Copy !req
927. I need to get out of here?
You need to get out of here!Copy !req
928. - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Guys, guys!Copy !req
929. Al, look, it's the first show
of the tour tonight.Copy !req
930. It's kind of a big deal.Copy !req
931. Do you think you could maybe
not screw this up for everybody?Copy !req
932. Oh, what-what-what are
you gonna do, fire me?Copy !req
933. You guys are nothing without me.Copy !req
934. Yeah, I could replace
you with a drum machineCopy !req
935. and you with a guitar machineCopy !req
936. and you with a...Copy !req
937. I don't know,
with some other machine.Copy !req
938. You're all just a bunch
of normals, okay,Copy !req
939. I'm the weird one!
I am the weird one!Copy !req
940. Okay. That's it.Copy !req
941. You've changed, man.Copy !req
942. - Fame's really gotten to you.Copy !req
943. Wow.Copy !req
944. Look, just get yourself
cleaned upCopy !req
945. for the show tonight, all right?Copy !req
946. - You're a mess.
- Yeah.Copy !req
947. They seem nice.Copy !req
948. Yeah, they're great.Copy !req
949. - Al?
- Oh, what do you want?Copy !req
950. Can I talk to you for a minute?Copy !req
951. Privately?Copy !req
952. Look, anything you
wanna say to me,Copy !req
953. you can say
in front of my girlfriend.Copy !req
954. Okay, fine.Copy !req
955. I think Madonna's
a bad influence on you.Copy !req
956. I think she's an evil,
conniving succubus,Copy !req
957. and she's only using you for
her pathetic and selfish needs.Copy !req
958. - What?
- No offense.Copy !req
959. She only wants you for that
sweet, sweet Yankovic Bump.Copy !req
960. She knows her record salesCopy !req
961. will go through the roof
if you parody her.Copy !req
962. How dare you.Copy !req
963. This woman is the greatest thing
that has ever happened to me.Copy !req
964. And besides, I already told her
I'm not doing any more, um...Copy !req
965. Any more...
The thing you said.Copy !req
966. - Song parodies.
- Song parodies!Copy !req
967. You're so drunk right now,Copy !req
968. I bet you couldn't even
give her that Yankovic Bump.Copy !req
969. That's not true!Copy !req
970. That's not true, I'll come up
with that song parody right now.Copy !req
971. Instead of "Like a Virgin,"
it'll be "Like a..."Copy !req
972. Like a...Copy !req
973. Like a...Copy !req
974. Shut up, it's impossible!
Nothing rhymes with virgin.Copy !req
975. Al, listen.Copy !req
976. You gotta take care of yourself.Copy !req
977. When she's done with you,
she's gonna drop youCopy !req
978. like a sack of spoiled cabbage.Copy !req
979. No, no, shut up, shut up!
You're not my dad.Copy !req
980. You think you're my dad,
but you are not my dad.Copy !req
981. Baby?
Baby, where are you going?Copy !req
982. I'm goin' for a drive to
clear my mind, on my own.Copy !req
983. No, no, no, no, no.
You cannot go.Copy !req
984. Without your car keys.Copy !req
985. Thank you so much.Copy !req
986. Well, we can't wait.Copy !req
987. Weird Al hits the stage
at Joe Robbie StadiumCopy !req
988. tonight at eight o'clock,Copy !req
989. and it's gonna be
off the chain.Copy !req
990. One for the history—Copy !req
991. Well, that was
multi-platinum recording artistCopy !req
992. "Weird Al" Yankovic with
I Love Rocky Road,Copy !req
993. and my god, have you ever seen
a more durable pop artist?Copy !req
994. Anything you throw at this guy,Copy !req
995. he just seems capable
of surviving it.Copy !req
996. I'll bet he could land a plane
into a volcanoCopy !req
997. - and still come out—Copy !req
998. Dammit.Copy !req
999. All right, nurse, let's call it.Copy !req
1000. Time of death: 7:30—Copy !req
1001. Quick!Copy !req
1002. I need some paper
and a number two pencil.Copy !req
1003. Here you go, baby.Copy !req
1004. Excuse me, miss, he's
in no condition to be doing—Copy !req
1005. Look, there's no time, okay?
He's got a show in 30 minutes.Copy !req
1006. - All right.Copy !req
1007. Better give me
all your gauze, nurse.Copy !req
1008. Yes!Copy !req
1009. This is all for you, babe.
I love you so much.Copy !req
1010. I think I should haveCopy !req
1011. stuck around for that
blood transfusion, though.Copy !req
1012. - I think I'm gonna pass out.
- No, babe, you're killing it.Copy !req
1013. - Now get back out there.
- Okay.Copy !req
1014. Okay, babe, you have
a costume change, one more song,Copy !req
1015. and then we can go home
and sleep it off.Copy !req
1016. Okay.Copy !req
1017. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
1018. What-what is that?
I'm not wearing that.Copy !req
1019. It's your Eat It jacket, babe.Copy !req
1020. No, not anymore, it's not.Copy !req
1021. That is a Michael Jackson
jacket now.Copy !req
1022. I don't wanna see it.
Get that outta my face.Copy !req
1023. You don't have to wear it
if you don't want to.Copy !req
1024. Now just drink up.
Yeah, that's good, yeah.Copy !req
1025. Little more, little more.
That's the medicine.Copy !req
1026. Boo, boo, boo, boo!Copy !req
1027. Yeah, that's what
you sound like. Boo!Copy !req
1028. Oh, what? You want,
do you wanna hear Eat It?Copy !req
1029. - Do you?Copy !req
1030. Okay, here goes.Copy !req
1031. You're all a bunch of slaves!Copy !req
1032. - You're morons.Copy !req
1033. Idiots!Copy !req
1034. Oh, what, what, you paid good
money to see a show?Copy !req
1035. You worked your little butts off
at some dangerous factory?Copy !req
1036. God only knows what
they make there!Copy !req
1037. No one will tell you that.Copy !req
1038. What do they make
in the factory?Copy !req
1039. What do they make?Copy !req
1040. Do you like getting
pushed around?Copy !req
1041. You like letting everybody
push you around?Copy !req
1042. Yeah, I think you do.
I think you like it.Copy !req
1043. You like letting your dad
push you around?Copy !req
1044. No!Copy !req
1045. You like letting Michael Jackson
push you around?Copy !req
1046. - No!Copy !req
1047. Well, what are you
gonna do about it?Copy !req
1048. What are you gonna do about it?Copy !req
1049. - What are you gonna do?Copy !req
1050. So... you wanna see it?Copy !req
1051. Do you want me to
show it to you?Copy !req
1052. I'm gonna whip it out!Copy !req
1053. You don't think
I'll do it, do you?Copy !req
1054. I haven't whipped it out yet
but I'm gonna do it for you,Copy !req
1055. but only if you really
want me to.Copy !req
1056. Okay, here goes!Copy !req
1057. Yeah!Copy !req
1058. - Get off me! Get off me!Copy !req
1059. We're sorry
to interruptCopy !req
1060. the President's address,
but we have breaking news.Copy !req
1061. Parody songsmith
"Weird Al" YankovicCopy !req
1062. was arrested earlier tonightCopy !req
1063. in Miami-Dade County
for lewd behavior.Copy !req
1064. Okay. Here's my thought.Copy !req
1065. I think this is a really great
idea, I hope you like it.Copy !req
1066. We team up, right?Copy !req
1067. I'll write all the, you know,
good songs, the real ones,Copy !req
1068. and then you parody them
every time.Copy !req
1069. Bam, bam. It's perfect.Copy !req
1070. Sounds great.Copy !req
1071. It's foolproof,
we'll be unstoppable.Copy !req
1072. We'll be the hottest
power coupleCopy !req
1073. in the entire music industry.Copy !req
1074. What would our power
couple name be?Copy !req
1075. I'm thinking Madankovic
or MadonnavicCopy !req
1076. or maybe just Madonna.Copy !req
1077. There'll be plenty of time
to figure all of that out.Copy !req
1078. But can you imagine
the world tour?Copy !req
1079. Madonna... with Weird Al.Copy !req
1080. All that money?
I just got the tingles.Copy !req
1081. But I mean, you're okay
with all of this, right?Copy !req
1082. Look, babe, I'm—Copy !req
1083. I'm seriously okay
with anything you wanna do.Copy !req
1084. I mean, look at me.
I'm a train wreck.Copy !req
1085. I'm barely holding it together.Copy !req
1086. My parents wrote me off.Copy !req
1087. I pushed away my band,
Dr. Demento,Copy !req
1088. everyone who was
important to me.Copy !req
1089. You're all I got.Copy !req
1090. You are literally the only thing
I have left in the world,Copy !req
1091. and if anything happened to you,
I don't know what I would do.Copy !req
1092. No, no! No!Copy !req
1093. Relax, Mr. Yankovic.Copy !req
1094. We only wanna borrow
your girlfriend.Copy !req
1095. Just stay calm and
nothing will happen to you.Copy !req
1096. Please, sir, please.
Whatever you do—Copy !req
1097. Don't hurt me.Copy !req
1098. - Help me!
- Madonna!Copy !req
1099. - Hiya!Copy !req
1100. - Die, die!Copy !req
1101. - Order up.Copy !req
1102. Pablo Escobar sends his regards!Copy !req
1103. Pablo Escobar, you just made the
biggest mistake of your life.Copy !req
1104. Getting eaten alive out here!Copy !req
1105. Got a smoke?Copy !req
1106. Yeah.Copy !req
1107. Here you go.Copy !req
1108. You hear that?Copy !req
1109. Yeah.
I think it came from over there.Copy !req
1110. Over there!Copy !req
1111. We got him.Copy !req
1112. Wait a second.Copy !req
1113. This isn't a man.Copy !req
1114. It's a hay boy!Copy !req
1115. This'll do.Copy !req
1116. So, then I'm stomping on him and
stomping him with my boots,Copy !req
1117. and he's calling for
his mom and I'm like,Copy !req
1118. "Stop being so extra."
You know, it's like—Copy !req
1119. Oh, my goodness!Copy !req
1120. Ha-ha!
That better not be vanilla.Copy !req
1121. Who was it?Copy !req
1122. - No, who was it?
- Escobar!Copy !req
1123. Oh, Mr. Yankovic.Copy !req
1124. We've been expecting you.
Welcome, welcome.Copy !req
1125. As you know, I am a huge,
huge fan of your music.Copy !req
1126. I got all of your albums through
the Columbia House Record Club.Copy !req
1127. Twelve for one penny, you guys.
Really great deal.Copy !req
1128. Really great deal.Copy !req
1129. Anyway, I—Oops.
I hope you will forgive meCopy !req
1130. for kidnapping
your lovely girlfriend.Copy !req
1131. It just seemed like
that was the only wayCopy !req
1132. to guarantee that you would
come to my birthday party.Copy !req
1133. Your agent, oy,Copy !req
1134. a real nightmare to deal with,
if I'm gonna be honest.Copy !req
1135. Real vicious guy.Copy !req
1136. You know, I'm sorry. Let me
turn down the music, please.Copy !req
1137. Just a little annoying, yeah.Copy !req
1138. I can hear
myself think now.Copy !req
1139. It's so noisy up in there.
Aah, the voices.Copy !req
1140. Oh. Oh, where are my manners?Copy !req
1141. We were just about
to cut the cake.Copy !req
1142. May I offer you a slice?Copy !req
1143. Let's get him a slice, please.Copy !req
1144. No. No cake.Copy !req
1145. Okay, Mr. Diet.Copy !req
1146. More for us, am I right?Copy !req
1147. I just want my woman,
then I'll go.Copy !req
1148. Ah, you want your woman. Okay.Copy !req
1149. I'm afraid that's
not how it works, Mr. Yankovic.Copy !req
1150. You see, you can't leave
until you perform for me.Copy !req
1151. - Do you understand me?
- No dice.Copy !req
1152. Not gonna happen.
I'm not your monkey.Copy !req
1153. I can do Borderline.Copy !req
1154. No, I don't want that.
I want him.Copy !req
1155. Mr. Yankovic, why-why
all the drama?Copy !req
1156. I mean, you're already here.Copy !req
1157. Just perform one measly song for
us and then you guys can leave.Copy !req
1158. Come on, just one song, no?Copy !req
1159. How about that wonderfulCopy !req
1160. Michael Jackson parody
that you did, huh?Copy !req
1161. That's not a parody!Copy !req
1162. Stop! Stop! It's my birthday!
Stop it! Stop it!Copy !req
1163. Well, first off, rude. Okay?Copy !req
1164. And second of all,
if you really,Copy !req
1165. really don't wanna entertain us,
then fine.Copy !req
1166. You can just leave.Copy !req
1167. Wait, so, so we can just go?Copy !req
1168. Yeah, you can go whenever
you want.Copy !req
1169. Psych!Copy !req
1170. No!Copy !req
1171. Very unfortunate.Copy !req
1172. He was like a God among men,
and now just worm food.Copy !req
1173. Tsk, tsk, tsk.Copy !req
1174. Anyway, back to the party.
Should we cut the cake or...?Copy !req
1175. Hey, Pablo,
you forgot one thing.Copy !req
1176. I'm certified platinum.Copy !req
1177. Hey, Escobar.Copy !req
1178. Eat it.Copy !req
1179. Okay, let's get outta here.Copy !req
1180. I just gotta get this medallion.Copy !req
1181. Okay.
Oh, it's in there. Ah.Copy !req
1182. Oh, gross, gross, gross,
gross, gross!Copy !req
1183. You just killed Pablo Escobar!Copy !req
1184. I know! I've killed so many
people this week.Copy !req
1185. Before last Thursday,
I never really killed anyone.Copy !req
1186. The things we do for love, huh?
Okay, come on. We gotta go.Copy !req
1187. Well, now, wait, wait, wait,
hear me out here.Copy !req
1188. With Escobar
out of the picture, maybe...Copy !req
1189. maybe we can run
the drug cartel.Copy !req
1190. Wait, what?Copy !req
1191. Supply and demand, baby.Copy !req
1192. Look, someone's gotta run
the cartel.Copy !req
1193. May as well be me. Us.Copy !req
1194. You can't be serious.
What about all our plans?Copy !req
1195. Writing songs together,
touring together.Copy !req
1196. Why rule the music industry
when you can rule the world?Copy !req
1197. All the money and power
is right here.Copy !req
1198. Madonna, that's...Copy !req
1199. No. No way.Copy !req
1200. My life is in America, and my
family would never forgive meCopy !req
1201. if I became involved
in a drug cartel.Copy !req
1202. Well, your family's
already disowned you, Al.Copy !req
1203. I'm all you've got, remember?Copy !req
1204. And we'll still be together.Copy !req
1205. I'll be the head of the cartel,Copy !req
1206. and you can be my number two.Copy !req
1207. Your number two.Copy !req
1208. I can't believe this.
Dr. Demento was right.Copy !req
1209. You were just using meCopy !req
1210. to further your own career,
weren't you?Copy !req
1211. Well... yeah.Copy !req
1212. My relationship with you
was a business decision...Copy !req
1213. and so is this.Copy !req
1214. It's all just business.Copy !req
1215. Wow.Copy !req
1216. Well, okay, then.Copy !req
1217. I guess—I guess that's it.Copy !req
1218. Have a nice life.Copy !req
1219. Whoa!Copy !req
1220. I can't let you leave, Al.
You know too much.Copy !req
1221. What are you talking about?Copy !req
1222. Stop that!Copy !req
1223. We could have made
such a beautiful team,Copy !req
1224. and you know what?Copy !req
1225. I decided I do like Weirdonna
better than Madonnavic.Copy !req
1226. But that's all over now.Copy !req
1227. Our partnership is officially dissolved.Copy !req
1228. Goodbye, Madonna.Copy !req
1229. Yeah. I had
a lot of soul-searching to do.Copy !req
1230. Was I a parody singer?
An original artist?Copy !req
1231. The most dangerous
assassin in the world?Copy !req
1232. Maybe I had lost my way.Copy !req
1233. Don't get me wrong,
there were thingsCopy !req
1234. I loved about being Weird Al.Copy !req
1235. The fame, the money,Copy !req
1236. the fancy dinners,
joining the Illuminati,Copy !req
1237. going to the Illuminati
holiday party,Copy !req
1238. learning the truth about
the moon landing and JFK.Copy !req
1239. But without my family,
none of that mattered.Copy !req
1240. I knew what I had to do.Copy !req
1241. There it is, pretty simple.Copy !req
1242. When the light turns green,
you turn this crank to the left.Copy !req
1243. When it turns red, you stop
and pull this lever down.Copy !req
1244. When it turns green again,
you push this lever upCopy !req
1245. and turn this crank
back to the right.Copy !req
1246. Yep, that's about it.
Lunch is at 12:30.Copy !req
1247. Hey, can I ask you a question?Copy !req
1248. Sure.Copy !req
1249. What do we make here?Copy !req
1250. Your old man
said you was funny.Copy !req
1251. That's a good one.
"What do we make here?"Copy !req
1252. Somebody help! My leg!Copy !req
1253. Oh, uh...Copy !req
1254. It's burning me! Oh, my leg!Copy !req
1255. Ahh! Ahh! It burns!Copy !req
1256. Hey.Copy !req
1257. Cleanup crew to machine room.Copy !req
1258. You got a minute?Copy !req
1259. Well, what?Copy !req
1260. You want to take
a swing, old man?Copy !req
1261. No.Copy !req
1262. Just... what are you doing here?Copy !req
1263. What am I doing here? Really?Copy !req
1264. All my life, all I wanted to do
is please you,Copy !req
1265. but I was never enough.Copy !req
1266. You were always disappointed
in your "weird" son.Copy !req
1267. So yeah, I gave up
the most successful careerCopy !req
1268. in music history to come work
at this miserable factoryCopy !req
1269. because it's what
you've always wantedCopy !req
1270. and what, it is still
not enough for you?Copy !req
1271. I appreciate what you're doing.Copy !req
1272. This isn't the life for you.Copy !req
1273. Oh, what? So I'm not even
good at turning cranks now.Copy !req
1274. No, Alfred, that's
not what I'm saying.Copy !req
1275. What are you saying, then?Copy !req
1276. I was wrong to stand
in your way.Copy !req
1277. This isn't what you
were meant for.Copy !req
1278. You're special.Copy !req
1279. You're Weird Al,
and you're my son.Copy !req
1280. And I'm, uh...Copy !req
1281. I'm proud of you.Copy !req
1282. What are you doing?Copy !req
1283. Dad!Copy !req
1284. Yeah, that's
an absolute classic.Copy !req
1285. Whew.Copy !req
1286. Well, so Mom tells me you're
dating that singer Madonna.Copy !req
1287. Oh, um, no, we-we broke up.Copy !req
1288. Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
What happened?Copy !req
1289. Yeah. It's-it's complicated.Copy !req
1290. Well, don't worry. There's
plenty of other fish in the sea.Copy !req
1291. So, so, what is it like?
What's it like being you?Copy !req
1292. You know, world-famous
superstar and all?Copy !req
1293. Well, um, it's-it's fun,
but it's also a lot of pressure.Copy !req
1294. The hardest part for me is
just coming up with new songs.Copy !req
1295. I-I never know where my
next idea's gonna come from.Copy !req
1296. And yeah, I-I honestly, I don't
know if I have it in me anymore.Copy !req
1297. Oh, nonsense.
I'm sure that next big ideaCopy !req
1298. is just right there
in front of you.Copy !req
1299. Well, you may have noticed
I've put on a little weight.Copy !req
1300. Don't be silly, Ma.
You look great.Copy !req
1301. You do, dear. I think you lookCopy !req
1302. wonderful with a few
extra pounds.Copy !req
1303. I think you're pleasingly plump.Copy !req
1304. Oh, Nick. You know I'm fat.Copy !req
1305. I'm fat, you know it.Copy !req
1306. What?Copy !req
1307. Wow.Copy !req
1308. Dad, can I ask you something?Copy !req
1309. Mom told me growing up,
you always had your reasonsCopy !req
1310. for being so hard on me.Copy !req
1311. I think it's time, dear.Copy !req
1312. All right.Copy !req
1313. Oh, whoa.Copy !req
1314. I wrote it all down.
This should explain everything.Copy !req
1315. Okay, do you have maybe
a-a photo albumCopy !req
1316. or we can just go through
the bullet points together?Copy !req
1317. I don't have a photo album,
but I have a sketchbook.Copy !req
1318. A sketchbook?Copy !req
1319. You see, we didn't
have any camerasCopy !req
1320. when I was growing up because...Copy !req
1321. I was raised Amish.Copy !req
1322. What, really?Copy !req
1323. Yep. I grew up Amish.Copy !req
1324. Lived in the community for
the first 16 years of my life.Copy !req
1325. And frankly, I don't think I
ever really fit inCopy !req
1326. because, well, if
I'm being honest,Copy !req
1327. I was just as weird as you
when I was a kid.Copy !req
1328. Yeah, I even made up new words
to the hymnsCopy !req
1329. that we sang during
church service.Copy !req
1330. - That didn't go over too well.Copy !req
1331. That boy will never learn.Copy !req
1332. And then when I was
a few years older,Copy !req
1333. I was able to go on rumspringa.Copy !req
1334. I finally had a chance to go
out into the great big worldCopy !req
1335. and see what it had to offer.Copy !req
1336. And that's when I saw
the love of my life,Copy !req
1337. a 1933 Excelsior,Copy !req
1338. the finest accordion
there ever was.Copy !req
1339. Cost me every penny I had in
the world, but it was worth it.Copy !req
1340. So wait-wait-wait,
you had an accordion?Copy !req
1341. I did, I did, I did,
I was pretty good at it too.Copy !req
1342. I was not bad. I was
not bad at all.Copy !req
1343. I thought I was
the love of your life.Copy !req
1344. Oh, honey, you come
later, please. Anyway...Copy !req
1345. So, I tried for months
to make itCopy !req
1346. as a professional musician,Copy !req
1347. but it just wasn't
in God's plan.Copy !req
1348. Get outta here!Copy !req
1349. Failure mocked me
at every waking moment.Copy !req
1350. Hey, there, squeeze box.Copy !req
1351. I knew that I had to
give up my dreamCopy !req
1352. and go back to the only life
that I'd ever known.Copy !req
1353. But when I tried to come back
to the Amish community,Copy !req
1354. well, the second they
saw that squeeze box,Copy !req
1355. I was immediately excommunicated,Copy !req
1356. banished forever.Copy !req
1357. My whole world
was torn away from me.Copy !req
1358. All I knew was
I never wanted to seeCopy !req
1359. another accordion again,
for as long as I lived.Copy !req
1360. So I got a job at the factory,Copy !req
1361. a place where I knew you could
get an honest day's wagesCopy !req
1362. for an honest day's work.Copy !req
1363. And that's when I met...Copy !req
1364. the true love of my life.Copy !req
1365. Your mother.Copy !req
1366. Wow.Copy !req
1367. Dad, I—I never knew.Copy !req
1368. Of course you didn't.
How could you? I just told you.Copy !req
1369. I just— The whole
story was about—Copy !req
1370. Anyway, look, son, I hope
that you can forgive meCopy !req
1371. and I hope you understand.Copy !req
1372. I lost everythingCopy !req
1373. and I didn't want you
to suffer the same sad fate.Copy !req
1374. I didn't want you
to get your dreams crushed,Copy !req
1375. so I thought I should
crush your ideasCopy !req
1376. before they could
turn into dreams.Copy !req
1377. Yeah, that makes sense.Copy !req
1378. Oh.Copy !req
1379. Oh, that's nothing. You can just
throw that thing out, that's—Copy !req
1380. - "Amish Paradise?"
- Nope.Copy !req
1381. Just tear that up in little
pieces and get rid of that.Copy !req
1382. Wait, Dad...
are these song lyrics?Copy !req
1383. That's just something stupid
I wrote a while ago.Copy !req
1384. It doesn't matter.
You can just—Copy !req
1385. No, no, no, Dad, these lyrics...Copy !req
1386. they're like a window
into your soul.Copy !req
1387. I don't think I've ever felt
more connected to you than thisCopy !req
1388. in my entire life.Copy !req
1389. Well, I never had the chance
to perform it myselfCopy !req
1390. because the dream
had already died.Copy !req
1391. I thought maybe someday,
but no, never mind.Copy !req
1392. Never mind. I guess no one
will ever hear this song.Copy !req
1393. That's it! That's it!Copy !req
1394. Mom!Copy !req
1395. What did you say like
a minute ago, about being fat?Copy !req
1396. We're onto something else now.Copy !req
1397. We were kind of having
a moment here, son.Copy !req
1398. Read the room.Copy !req
1399. Yeah, I mean, I wrote the book
and did the whole thing.Copy !req
1400. - Alfy!
- The drawing.Copy !req
1401. Listen to your father
when he's talking!Copy !req
1402. Does anything register with you?Copy !req
1403. Can you see my lips moving?
Nothing gets through to you.Copy !req
1404. Man, I shoulda kept
the publishing rights.Copy !req
1405. Yecch!Copy !req
1406. It is so good to
have you back, man.Copy !req
1407. Yeah, I was starting
to miss the weird one.Copy !req
1408. Oh, I cannot believe
I ever said that to you guys.Copy !req
1409. I am so, so sorry.Copy !req
1410. Hey, you're an artist.Copy !req
1411. Being an abusive jerk
is all part of the process.Copy !req
1412. Yeah, name me one
creative geniusCopy !req
1413. that doesn't have
a checkered pastCopy !req
1414. involving drugs, alcohol
and a murderous rampageCopy !req
1415. through the heart of the jungle.Copy !req
1416. Yeah, I guess you're right.Copy !req
1417. I love you guys so much!Copy !req
1418. Yeah, yeah. See you out there.Copy !req
1419. Dr. D, you came!Copy !req
1420. Of course I came. I wouldn't
have missed it for the world.Copy !req
1421. And well, needless to say,
you were amazing.Copy !req
1422. Thank you. And I-I also,Copy !req
1423. I really wanna say
the way I treated you—Copy !req
1424. Stop. I'm gonna stop you
right there, okay?Copy !req
1425. No apologies necessary.Copy !req
1426. I have been thinking
a lot about what you said,Copy !req
1427. and I realized, Al, that...Copy !req
1428. you are like a son
to me and, uh...Copy !req
1429. Well, I never really had any
children of my own, so, uh...Copy !req
1430. I want to adopt you.Copy !req
1431. Will you be my son?Copy !req
1432. Wow.Copy !req
1433. Um, you— I—I just
made up with my dad.Copy !req
1434. You d—You did?Copy !req
1435. - Yeah.
- That's, wow. Okay.Copy !req
1436. Yeah. So yeah, we-we talked.Copy !req
1437. - Wow.
- We're-we're all good now.Copy !req
1438. Cool, the coolest. That's great.Copy !req
1439. - That's great.
- It is great.Copy !req
1440. Oh, good!Copy !req
1441. - Yeah.
- Cool.Copy !req
1442. Wow, that's so cool.Copy !req
1443. That's really cool.
That's so cool.Copy !req
1444. My— my category
is coming up really soon,Copy !req
1445. I think, so I should
probably go change?Copy !req
1446. You should—oh, you
should go. Yeah, definitely.Copy !req
1447. It's so good to see you.Copy !req
1448. - Thank you so much for coming.
- Okay.Copy !req
1449. - So good. Take care.
- All right.Copy !req
1450. Please welcome to the stageCopy !req
1451. Grammy Award winner
Diana RossCopy !req
1452. and Intercontinental
WWF Champion Hulk Hogan.Copy !req
1453. As artists, we learn
to express ourselvesCopy !req
1454. through our instruments.Copy !req
1455. Louis Armstrong had his trumpet
and Jimi Hendrix had his guitar.Copy !req
1456. And well, my instrument
is my voice.Copy !req
1457. That's right, Diana.Copy !req
1458. And my instruments
are these 24-inch pythons.Copy !req
1459. - Whoo!Copy !req
1460. No, no, Mary.
That's an oily man.Copy !req
1461. And now, the award
you've all been waiting for.Copy !req
1462. In the category of "Perhaps
Not Technically the BestCopy !req
1463. But Arguably the Most
Famous Accordion PlayerCopy !req
1464. in an Extremely
Specific Genre of Music."Copy !req
1465. And the award goes to...Copy !req
1466. "Weird Al" Yankovic!Copy !req
1467. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
1468. Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, this is incredible.Copy !req
1469. This award means so much to me,Copy !req
1470. and in front of all
the billions of people watchingCopy !req
1471. around the world right now,
all I want to say is...Copy !req
1472. See, Dad? I told you!Copy !req
1473. Yeah! In your face, old man!Copy !req
1474. - Huh?Copy !req
1475. There are so many people here
tonight that I need to thank.Copy !req
1476. People who mean the world to me
and who made meCopy !req
1477. everything that I am today.Copy !req
1478. But they know who they are,Copy !req
1479. and I'm gonna
thank them all later privately.Copy !req
1480. Okay, I'm just gonna
wrap things up.Copy !req
1481. I don't have much time left.Copy !req
1482. I— Y'know, I'm gonna be around
for a good long time.Copy !req
1483. You don't have to
worry about that.Copy !req
1484. You're not gonna get rid of me
that easy.Copy !req
1485. - Waiting on your signal.
- Stand by.Copy !req
1486. But in my remaining few seconds,
I just wanna say...Copy !req
1487. live the life you wanna live.Copy !req
1488. You know, be as weird
as you wanna be.Copy !req
1489. Believe me, you will never
find true happinessCopy !req
1490. until you can truly
accept who you are.Copy !req
1491. And standing before all of you,
right here, right now,Copy !req
1492. I can honestly say I have
never been more happyCopy !req
1493. or more proud in my entire life.Copy !req
1494. Thank you.Copy !req
1495. Thank you! Thank you!Copy !req
1496. Take the shot.Copy !req
1497. No!Copy !req
1498. Wow, fake-out ending!Copy !req
1499. Awwwwww, double fake-out!Copy !req