1. Life is like a parody
of your favorite song.
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2. Just when you think
you know all the words,
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3. surprise, you don't know anything.
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4. Clear the way, clear the way!
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5. - Clear!
- Shut that door, please!
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6. Clear!
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7. Dammit. Dammit!
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8. All right, nurse, let's call it.
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9. 7:30...
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10. Quick!
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11. I need some paper,
and a number two pencil.
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12. But... maybe
I'm getting a little ahead of myself.
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13. Why don't we start
back at the beginning.
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14. All gabardine suits are now 30% off.
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15. Jenkins in to the windup,
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16. and the three-two fastball is in the...
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17. President Nixon is on board Air...
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18. Whoo-whoo-whoo wind up your radio!
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19. It's time for The Dr. Demento Show,
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20. two hours of mad music
and crazy comedy
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21. - from out of the archives...
- Alfy!
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22. What have we told you
about listening to that garbage?
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23. But Mom, it's Dr. Demento.
It's my favorite show in the whole world.
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24. It's going to rot your brain.
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25. You're lucky your father
wasn't here to catch you, mister.
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26. You know how he feels
about that kind of music.
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27. Yes, I know.
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28. All right. Now go on, go get washed up.
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29. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.
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30. Alfy, aren't you going to ask
your father how his day was?
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31. Um, how was your day, Dad?
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32. What, how was my day?
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33. We had another fatality
down at the factory.
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34. Oh, God, real grisly one this time.
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35. It was that McKinley kid
that started last week.
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36. I kept telling him
to stop messing around
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37. by that industrial shredder,
but he just wouldn't listen.
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38. I would've reached
out and grabbed him,
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39. but I already lost one hand
to that cursed machine.
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40. Well, anyway, there's an opening
down on the factory floor.
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41. Maybe I could pull a few strings
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42. and you could spend the summer
working with your old man.
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43. How's that sound?
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44. Um, no, thank you.
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45. "No, thank you."
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46. Well, you're gonna have to learn
sooner or later,
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47. that factory, that factory
will make a man outta you.
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48. But I don't wanna work at the factory.
I wanna make songs.
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49. What? You wanna make songs?
Did you hear that, Mary?
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50. We got a regular Bing Crosby
on our hands, don't we?
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51. Nick, you're embarrassing him.
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52. Oh, am I? Why don't you
sing us a little ditty, Bing, huh?
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53. Such a little songbird.
Sing one for us.
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54. Stop, stop! What in God's name
are you doing?
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55. Those aren't the right words.
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56. I know. I made 'em better.
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57. By changing the lyrics
to a well-known song?
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58. No, boy, what you're doing
is confusing and evil.
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59. My God, and I will not have
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60. that kind of blasphemy
in my own home.
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61. But Dad...
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62. What has gotten
into you, Alfred?
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63. Hmm? With the songs and
the crazy magazines?
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64. That is all gonna stop now,
young man!
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65. Honey, I know it's hard to hear this,
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66. but your dad and I had a long talk
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67. and we agreed it would be best
for all of us
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68. if you would just stop being who you are
and doing the things you love.
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69. You don't understand me!
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70. It was a few weeks later
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71. when a mysterious stranger
showed up at my door
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72. and changed my life forever.
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73. Alfy, get the door.
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74. Why, good afternoon, sir.
The gentleman of the house, I take it?
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75. Well, congratulations.
Today is your lucky day.
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76. How would you like to be
the envy of all of your friends
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77. and the most popular fellow in town?
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78. Well, everything you
need to make that happen...
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79. is right here in this box.
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80. Um, my dad is actually...
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81. Voila.
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82. Feast your eyes.
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83. Have you ever seen
such a gorgeous instrument?
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84. Better yet, try it on.
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85. Son, when you play the accordion,
you are a one-man band.
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86. You are the life of every party.
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87. Go ahead, son, tickle those ivories.
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88. A natural talent.
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89. Son, you cannot squander that.
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90. You have got to buy this beauty,
and I guarantee it,
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91. you are gonna have girls
lined up around the corner.
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92. You're gonna need a lifeguard
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93. because you're gonna be drowning
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94. - in so much p...
- Hey! What's going on?
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95. And hello to you, sir.
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96. What are you doing in my house?
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97. And why is my innocent young child
wearing that devil's squeeze box?
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98. That's actually our newest...
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99. I thought I told you to shut up!
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100. I don't remember you telling me
to shut up before,
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101. but if you're telling me now,
I will gladly...
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102. Dad!
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103. Ah!
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104. Dad, stop! You're killing him!
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105. Nick? Oh, Nick, oh, Nick!
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106. No, Nick! Hey!
Nicky, stop it right now!
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107. You made me do this, boy.
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108. You brought this evil into the house.
And now look at you.
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109. Look at you.
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110. Take that devilish monstrosity off
this very instant.
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111. I don't wanna see you
ever wearing it again!
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112. Nick, why don't you go
take a little walk?
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113. I think you'd better cool off.
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114. Yeah. Yeah.
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115. I could use some fresh air
because it stinks in here.
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116. I'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere.
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117. I'll be right here.
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118. Mister, I'm so sorry about this.
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119. My husband, he just has
a little bit of a temper,
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120. but he is a good man and
he means well, but anyway,
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121. if you're amenable to it,
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122. we'd like to buy that accordion.
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123. Mom! You mean it?
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124. How do you feel about
an early Christmas present?
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125. Yes! This is the best thing ever!
Thank you so much!
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126. There's just one thing.
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127. No one can see you playing it,
especially your father.
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128. This is our secret.
Do you understand me?
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129. Mom... does Dad hate me?
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130. No, of course not, sweetie.
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131. Then why is he always
so hard on me?
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132. Listen, you're too young
to understand now,
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133. but just trust me,
your father has his reasons.
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134. I think I have
a collapsed lung.
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135. We're trying to have
a conversation here, sir.
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136. For the next few years
I kept to myself,
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137. and tried my best
to please Mom and Dad,
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138. but deep down,
I felt like I was living a lie.
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139. Sure. I was well-behaved,
I got good grades,
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140. but I never let anyone know
the real me.
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141. Hey, Yankovic, you going to that party
at Hofstadter's tonight?
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142. - His parents are out of town.
- Ah, geez, guys, I don't know.
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143. I'm not really allowed to go to parties.
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144. You don't need to have
your parents' permission. Just sneak out.
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145. I-I don't think I can.
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146. My mom always tucks me in
in case I have night terrors.
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147. You have night terrors?
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148. No, I... You know, just in case.
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149. Well, just use a hay boy, then.
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150. A hay boy? What's that?
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151. You don't know what a hay boy is?
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152. Oh, dude, you've got a lot to learn.
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153. Just let us handle everything.
We'll pick you up tonight.
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154. Okay, yeah.
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155. Night-night, Alfy. Don't let the bed bugs
give you night terrors.
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156. I mean, Myron Floren is great and all,
Lawrence Welk sure likes him,
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157. but he's way too overexposed.
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158. For my money,
it's Whoopee John Wilfahrt
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159. that really gets me just
hoppin' and steppin'.
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160. I'm all about that Minnesota sound, man.
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161. Look what I found!
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162. Hey, hey! Hey, you didn't tell me
that this was gonna be a polka party.
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163. - What, do you not like polka?
- No, I like it, it's...
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164. My parents would kill me
if they knew I was here, okay?
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165. I'm so, so sorry, guys. I-I-I gotta go.
I can't... I can't be here, man.
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166. Come on, Al. Live a little!
What's the worse that could happen?
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167. You might actually let your guard down
and enjoy your life for once?
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168. Yeah, yeah, I can...
let my guard down.
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169. Hey... and sorry.
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170. Hey, everybody, look what I found!
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171. Dude, pass it here. Pass it.
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172. Okay, dude. Okay.
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173. Al, here. You gotta try this.
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174. Oh, no. No, no, thanks. I'm good.
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175. Al's afraid his mommy and daddy
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176. are gonna find out
he tried an accordion.
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177. I just don't wanna play, okay?
Just, just lay off me, man!
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178. No, guys...
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179. I'm not gonna...
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180. I'm not... I'm not... I'm not...
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181. Okay. Yeah, sure. I'll play, yeah.
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182. It's the cops! Everyone, run!
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183. I'm sorry to disturb you, ma'am,
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184. but I'm afraid we found your son
at a polka party.
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185. He was playing an accordion.
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186. That's impossible. Alfy's in...
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187. A hay boy? Really?
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188. What did I do to deserve this,
huh? Huh?
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189. It's like I don't even
know you anymore, Al.
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190. You want me to be like you.
Look at me, I'm nothing like you.
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191. You want me to work that factory.
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192. Okay, I don't even know
what you make down there.
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193. You just call it the factory.
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194. You will find out what we make
at the factory
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195. when you work at the factory!
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196. Well, it's my life,
and I wanna make music
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197. and I wanna play the accordion.
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198. Ah, hogwash!
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199. And I'm good. I'm really, really good!
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200. How did you get good
at playing the accordion, huh? Huh?
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201. It certainly wasn't
under my roof, was it?
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202. What'd you do, sneak out
and practice in the woods
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203. in the middle of the night?
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204. No. I played it here, quietly.
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205. Yeah, I play in the closet.
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206. But I'm not a closet accordion player
anymore.
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207. It feels good!
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208. The closet, you say?
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209. Hmm...
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210. No-no-no. Dad, Dad, hey.
Hey, hey, hey, Dad.
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211. No-no-no. You're not going...
It's not in there.
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212. You're not gonna find anything in there.
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213. Dad, what are you doing?
No, no, Dad... No-no-no-no...
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214. Dad, no. Dad, please.
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215. - Uh-huh?
- Stop, stop.
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216. - Boy.
- Stop. Stop it.
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217. - Boy, this...
- Please, Dad. Please! No-no-no!
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218. This is for your own good, boy.
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219. No, I need this, I need this...
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220. Nooo!
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221. No, no, no, no, no!
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222. You... You think you're gonna stop me
from playing?
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223. You'll see.
One day I'm gonna be the best...
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224. Well, perhaps not technically the best,
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225. but arguably the most
famous accordion player
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226. in an extremely specific genre of music.
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227. I'll show you.
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228. I'll show everybody!
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229. Get out!
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230. Good riddance!
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231. Things at home
never got any better after that.
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232. But within a few years, I graduated
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233. and I was able to move out
and live on my own.
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234. Well, with three other guys
in a dirt-cheap apartment,
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235. but the point is, I didn't
have to answer to anybody.
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236. - Hey, hey.
- Howdy.
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237. Now I'd have a chance
to find others
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238. who would truly understand me.
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239. I could find my people.
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240. - Okay, that's enough. Thanks.
- Mm.
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241. Yeah. Very... very interesting.
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242. So... we'll let you know, okay?
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243. Great. Um, when?
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244. Right now. You didn't make it.
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245. This sucks.
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246. It's the fifth audition
I've been kicked out of this week.
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247. It's almost like nobody wants
an accordion player in their band.
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248. That just doesn't make any sense.
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249. Yeah. Accordions are cool.
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250. That's the problem
with being on the bleeding edge.
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251. You gotta wait for the rest of the world
to catch up with you.
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252. I don't have time to wait.
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253. If nobody wants to have me
in their group,
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254. I'm just gonna have
to go it in on my own.
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255. Don't worry,
it's gonna happen for you.
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256. You just gotta hang in there.
We got your back.
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257. Thanks, Bermuda. All you guys.
You've just been so great.
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258. You really get me.
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259. It is such a difference after living
with my folks for so long.
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260. Yeah. And you know, the best part
of moving away from home
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261. is you can do anything you want.
Hook up with girls...
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262. Get high all the time.
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263. Yeah, I mean, literally anything.
There are no rules.
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264. Just last night, I was driving
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265. down the wrong side of the 101
with my eyes closed,
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266. not knowing whether I was
gonna live to see another day
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267. or die in a horrible, fiery wreck.
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268. Suck on that, Mom and Dad.
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269. - Yeah. You get it, Steve.
- You go, Steve.
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270. Oh, wow, Steve.
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271. What about you, Al?
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272. What's something you always
wanted to do,
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273. but you were never allowed to?
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274. Make up new words
to a song that already exists.
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275. - Oh, well, you should do that, then.
- Absolutely.
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276. Yeah. Why don't you do it right now?
Go on. Make up something brilliant.
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277. No, guys, it's not that easy.
I gotta wait for inspiration to strike,
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278. and I'm pretty sure that well dried up
a long time ago.
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279. Oh, well, if you're not
gonna write us a song,
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280. why don't you make us
some sandwiches?
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281. Oh, yeah, dude, I'm starving.
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282. Sandwich! Sandwich! Sandwich!
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283. Okay, okay, okay. Guys, I'm on it.
Jim, you wanna put on some tunes?
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284. Yeah.
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285. Oh, Steve?
This bologna has your name on it.
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286. - Can we?
- Uh, yeah, sure.
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287. Just open up a package of my bologna.
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288. Is this DJ asleep?
The record keeps skipping.
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289. Hey! Wake up.
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290. Al?
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291. You okay?
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292. Where did that come from?
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293. Dude, I've got chills.
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294. I don't know, it just came out of me.
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295. I've never heard anything like that
before in my life.
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296. You have to record that.
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297. Record it? No, come on, guys.
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298. Al, you've got something here.
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299. I don't know if it comes
from God or the devil,
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300. but the world needs to hear it.
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301. No, forget it, guys. I don't have
the money for a recording studio.
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302. I think the bathroom at the bus station
has pretty good acoustics.
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303. Yeah, sounds good in here.
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304. You can put it right there,
that works.
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305. All right. Just mailed the tape off
to Captain Buffoon.
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306. Now, I guess, all I gotta do
is sit back and wait to become famous.
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307. Yeah, I don't think
that's quite how it works, Al.
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308. Nobody becomes famous overnight.
That's a myth.
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309. Sometimes it takes years,
decades of hard work to get noticed.
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310. - What?
- Look, I believe in you.
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311. I know it's gonna
happen for you someday,
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312. but you can't just mail your
tape off to some disc jockey
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313. and expect to instantly become
a sensation.
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314. Man, why can't I catch a break?
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315. Captain Buffoon on your radio dial.
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316. No, I'm not making this up...
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317. I just received this tape
in the mail a few minutes ago,
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318. and what can I say?
It's an instant sensation!
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319. It's already the number one
most-requested song of the week,
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320. and we're playing it all day long.
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321. So, here it is, once again,
Al Yankovic with "My Bologna!"
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322. Again!
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323. You know what this means, right?
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324. You gotta get yourself a record deal.
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325. I've heard enough.
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326. And what did you think?
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327. Do you know why they call it
the "music business"?
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328. Uh, why?
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329. Because it's a business.
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330. It's a business!
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331. Use your head, kid.
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332. Nobody wants to hear
a parody song
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333. when they can hear the real thing
for the same price.
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334. What's the point?
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335. Yeah, it makes
no financial sense, whatsoever.
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336. Uh, my-my-my song was actually
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337. a-a big hit on
The Captain Buffoon Show.
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338. - Oh!
- What?
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339. Captain Buffoon? Really?
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340. - Yeah.
- Wait, wait.
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341. Captain Buffoon actually
played your song on the radio?
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342. Yeah.
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343. Why didn't you tell us?
This changes everything.
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344. Ben, get this young gentleman
a record contract this very instant.
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345. We are gonna sign him
to a 14-album deal.
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346. Wait, really?
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347. No! What do you think I am,
an idiot?
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348. - He's not an idiot!
- I'm not an idiot!
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349. - If I may interject here.
- Please.
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350. Look, I'd just like to say
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351. that you got some nerve
coming in here
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352. and wasting my time and
my brother Tony's time.
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353. I'm gonna remember your name
because you, Al Yankovic,
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354. are the most untalented, pathetic loser
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355. that I've ever met in my entire life.
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356. Okay, um, maybe...
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357. You're nothing but a hack,
a stupid, useless parasite,
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358. - and you're so ugly.
- Okay...
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359. That ridiculous hair,
that horrible mustache,
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360. stupid glasses.
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361. You make me wanna throw up!
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362. All right, thank you.
Thank you, Ben.
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363. Thank you, Ben, for your,
for your thoughts.
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364. - Thank you.
- Jeez.
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365. - Ugh.
- Look, kid,
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366. if you really have your heart set
on doing this stupid music,
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367. maybe write more than one song.
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368. Yeah, all the biggest musical acts
have more than one song in their catalog.
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369. That's very true.
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370. And also, get out
in front of a live audience.
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371. Any audience, any stage,
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372. just get out there, build up your chops,
and who knows?
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373. Maybe someday... we'll talk again.
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374. But don't count on it
because you truly suck.
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375. Right.
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376. Okay.
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377. Thank you! We are Skunk Barf!
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378. You guys suck!
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379. I can't do this. I can't do this.
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380. Just relax, you'll be great.
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381. Yeah, the new song's a bona fide hit.
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382. It's about ice cream!
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383. Everybody likes ice cream.
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384. This seems like more of
a whiskey and... heroin crowd.
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385. Look, guys, I appreciate you being here
for moral support and everything,
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386. but they are literally gonna kill me.
We need to leave right now.
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387. Don't be silly, man.
They're gonna love you.
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388. All right, we got, uh, most of the blood
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389. cleaned off the stage,
so you're on, now.
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390. - Go start the car.
- Nah, you got this, Al.
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391. This is your moment.
Go get 'em, champ.
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392. Go get 'em.
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393. All right, all right,
who's ready for some more music?
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394. Okay, uh, coming next to the stage,
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395. it's this guy's first time,
Al Yankovic.
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396. Hey.
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397. Sorry.
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398. Sorry.
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399. Ah, nice Hawaiian shirt, Trapper John!
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400. Um...
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401. Boo!
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402. This guy needs some help.
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403. Gimme a shot of tequila
and two scoops of rum raisin.
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404. We don't sell ice cream here.
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405. You better start selling it
before this song's over
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406. or you're gonna have a riot
on your hands.
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407. Why didn't you guys tell me
you could play? You're great.
Copy !req
408. I guess it didn't seem relevant 'til now.
Copy !req
409. Thank you!
Copy !req
410. Oh, hey.
Copy !req
411. Oh! You're Dr. Demento.
Copy !req
412. Oh, wow. I, I am such a huge fan.
I can't believe this.
Copy !req
413. I've been listening to your show
my entire life.
Copy !req
414. Whoo-whoo-whoo,
wind up your radio...
Copy !req
415. - Don't do that.
- Sorry.
Copy !req
416. Um, did you see the show?
Copy !req
417. I did. And let me
tell you something, kid.
Copy !req
418. Every once in a great while,
I can spot a talent
Copy !req
419. that I know is headed
straight to the top.
Copy !req
420. Nervous Norvus,
Copy !req
421. Wild Man Fischer,
Copy !req
422. and now... you.
Copy !req
423. What I saw you do on that stage
tonight blew my mind!
Copy !req
424. I'm telling you, you've cracked the code.
You're onto something special.
Copy !req
425. Wow, I mean, you, you,
you have no idea
Copy !req
426. what it means
for me to hear you say that.
Copy !req
427. - Thank you so much.
- Oh...
Copy !req
428. I only wish the Scotti Brothers
felt the same way.
Copy !req
429. Ah, those suits.
They couldn't recognize real talent
Copy !req
430. if it slapped them in the face
with a dead fish.
Copy !req
431. But I might be able to
get them to notice you.
Copy !req
432. How?
Copy !req
433. Well, stick with me, huh?
Copy !req
434. I know a little something
about the biz.
Copy !req
435. Uh, wait, are-are you saying
you want to be my mentor?
Copy !req
436. No, I'm saying I want to be your...
de-mentor!
Copy !req
437. But first, we gotta find you
a stage name.
Copy !req
438. I mean, Al Yankovic. Ugh, blech.
Copy !req
439. Doesn't exactly trip off
the tongue now, does it?
Copy !req
440. I guess not.
Copy !req
441. It's so clunky. It's long.
It's ungainly. It's hard to pronounce.
Copy !req
442. Sorry.
Copy !req
443. Now, I'm just gonna throw this out there.
Copy !req
444. Would you be willing
to change your name to...
Copy !req
445. Weird... Al Yankovic?
Copy !req
446. I love it.
Copy !req
447. Great. Great!
Copy !req
448. Hey, I'm having a little pool party
at the house this weekend.
Copy !req
449. I'd love to introduce
you to some folks.
Copy !req
450. What do you say you come on by,
Copy !req
451. we'll continue this conversation
at the grotto.
Copy !req
452. Yes, of course!
Copy !req
453. Mm-hmm. And don't forget to stay demented!
Copy !req
454. You got it.
Copy !req
455. H-H-Hey!
There he is, my newest superstar.
Copy !req
456. Ah, so glad you could make it.
Copy !req
457. I've been telling everyone about you,
Copy !req
458. and, uh, looks like you've
brought your band.
Copy !req
459. Okay, fine.
Copy !req
460. Uh, there's some canapés right
over there, gentlemen.
Copy !req
461. Help yourselves. So,
let me show you around, okay?
Copy !req
462. Everyone's dying to meet you.
Oh, right this way.
Copy !req
463. - Uh, Mr. Herman.
- Hello.
Copy !req
464. I'd like you to meet
"Weird Al" Yankovic.
Copy !req
465. Ah, a rising star.
Copy !req
466. Pleased to meet you.
Copy !req
467. And this is, of course, Tiny Tim.
Copy !req
468. Oh, Mr. Yankovic.
Oh, why, you're just the cat's pajamas.
Copy !req
469. Is that a good thing?
Copy !req
470. Sure.
Copy !req
471. Ah, excuse us, gentlemen.
Copy !req
472. Nice to meet you.
Copy !req
473. So that's Demento's new protégé.
Copy !req
474. You know, I hear they don't even hand out
raincoats and tarps at his shows.
Copy !req
475. Amateur hour.
Copy !req
476. Amateur hour.
Copy !req
477. - Well, hello, Dali.
- Andy.
Copy !req
478. What do you think of
this "Weird Al" Yankovic?
Copy !req
479. Dali predicts he will change
everything we know about art!
Copy !req
480. Weird Al will change the world!
Copy !req
481. Eh, I give him 15 minutes.
Copy !req
482. Well, well, well, if it isn't Dr. Demento.
Copy !req
483. Wolf man Jack.
Who let you in here?
Copy !req
484. The Wolf man goes where
the Wolf man wants, baby.
Copy !req
485. Security!
Copy !req
486. Relax. I just came by
to lay eyes on this cat
Copy !req
487. you've been paradin' around.
Copy !req
488. The one who takes
preexisting musical compositions
Copy !req
489. and completely changes the lyrics.
Copy !req
490. He has a name, you know.
And it's "Weird Al" Yankovic.
Copy !req
491. Well then, put 'er there, Weird Al.
Copy !req
492. Oooh! Too slow.
Copy !req
493. What is the meaning of this?
Copy !req
494. This is me telling you
that I know hit talent
Copy !req
495. when I see it, and this kid ain't it.
Copy !req
496. He'll never crack the top 40,
he's too niche.
Copy !req
497. This kid, as you call him,
is the future of music.
Copy !req
498. Right. Well, if he's so great,
how about he comes up
Copy !req
499. with a new parody song
right now on the spot?
Copy !req
500. - Ooh...
- Whoa.
Copy !req
501. I mean, come on, man. It's a party.
I don't know that's a good idea.
Copy !req
502. Do "Another One Bites the Dust."
Copy !req
503. That seems fitting,
who said that?
Copy !req
504. I did. I'm John Deacon...
Copy !req
505. of Queen.
Copy !req
506. I play the bass in Queen.
Copy !req
507. Oh...
Copy !req
508. All right, future boy.
Copy !req
509. Let's hear what you can do
with "Another One Bites the Dust."
Copy !req
510. We're waiting.
Copy !req
511. You don't have to
prove anything to him.
Copy !req
512. Come on, guy from Queen.
Copy !req
513. Let's go find a party
with some real talent.
Copy !req
514. Get me my accordion.
Copy !req
515. Hey, you like deviled eggs?
Copy !req
516. I love a good deviled egg.
They don't love me, though.
Copy !req
517. I don't know what to say.
Copy !req
518. That was the...
Copy !req
519. That was the most beautiful thing
I've ever heard in my entire life.
Copy !req
520. You truly have a rare gift, Weird Al.
Copy !req
521. Hey mate, we're playing
a little gig next week
Copy !req
522. called Live Aid,
Wembley Stadium.
Copy !req
523. I'd be honored if you
would join the band
Copy !req
524. and play that song on stage with us.
Copy !req
525. What do you say?
Copy !req
526. Hard pass!
Copy !req
527. - This guy?
- Get him, get him out of here!
Copy !req
528. I felt like
I was on top of the world,
Copy !req
529. but this was just the beginning.
Copy !req
530. "Weird Al" Yankovic is
one of the most exciting
Copy !req
531. new artists in pop music today.
Copy !req
532. His self-titled debut album
Copy !req
533. was just certified quintuple platinum.
Copy !req
534. Simply by taking well-known pop songs
Copy !req
535. and changing the lyrics,
Copy !req
536. Yankovic has taken the world by storm.
Copy !req
537. I have never seen a collection
of Hawaiian shirts like this.
Copy !req
538. Oh, well, thank you, Oprah!
Copy !req
539. He has the number one album
in 20 countries
Copy !req
540. and counts among his fans
such luminaries as...
Copy !req
541. Hey, turn this up.
Copy !req
542. President Ronald Reagan
and Pope John Paul II.
Copy !req
543. Even international drug lord
Pablo Escobar
Copy !req
544. calls Weird Al his favorite musician.
Copy !req
545. And what about this,
this necklace you're wearing?
Copy !req
546. Oh, these, yeah.
Copy !req
547. I, uh, I wear one
solid platinum record medallion
Copy !req
548. for each time my album went platinum.
Copy !req
549. So that's one, two, three, four, five.
Copy !req
550. Wow. Those look heavy.
Copy !req
551. They are super uncomfortable.
Copy !req
552. And it's not
just the record company
Copy !req
553. that's cashing in on Weird Al fever.
Copy !req
554. The artists he's parodying
are experiencing a phenomenon
Copy !req
555. that's being called the Yankovic Bump.
Copy !req
556. The Knack, Joan Jett
and even Queen
Copy !req
557. have seen their
album sales double
Copy !req
558. after Weird Al put
his unique spin on their songs.
Copy !req
559. Which begs the question,
who will be next?
Copy !req
560. Who indeed?
Copy !req
561. Al, you really do seem to have
the Midas touch.
Copy !req
562. I've never seen anything like it
in all my years.
Copy !req
563. Your parents must be proud.
Copy !req
564. Yeah. Yeah, my parents...
Copy !req
565. Is everything okay?
Copy !req
566. Huh? Yeah. Yes, of course.
Copy !req
567. Yeah, whose, whose parents
wouldn't be proud?
Copy !req
568. Exactly.
Copy !req
569. Al? Al?
Copy !req
570. Hello?
Copy !req
571. - Hey, Mom. It's me.
- Alfy?
Copy !req
572. It's been a long time, hasn't it?
Copy !req
573. We saw you on the TV.
Copy !req
574. It's crazy, right?
Copy !req
575. Yeah, who would've thought?
Copy !req
576. I'm actually gearing up
for a residency right now
Copy !req
577. at Madison Square Garden.
Copy !req
578. Sold out 25 nights in a row.
Copy !req
579. They're, uh, they're moving the Knicks
Copy !req
580. to a hockey rink in Jersey
for a month.
Copy !req
581. - Huh.
- Yep.
Copy !req
582. Yep. I'm living the dream.
Copy !req
583. I mean, to have 20,000 people
every night
Copy !req
584. singing along to my words
Copy !req
585. to other people's music.
Copy !req
586. I feel truly alive
when I'm on that stage.
Copy !req
587. Oh, that's nice.
Copy !req
588. Are you eating enough bran?
Copy !req
589. - What?
- Well, it's important.
Copy !req
590. It keeps you regular
and you know how you get
Copy !req
591. when you're not having
your regular BMs, Alfy.
Copy !req
592. I... Yeah, sure.
Copy !req
593. Good. That's good.
Copy !req
594. So, um, so how's Dad?
Copy !req
595. Gosh, your father's a complicated man.
Copy !req
596. Does he ever talk about me?
Copy !req
597. Oh, sure, all the time. Yes.
Copy !req
598. There's so many things
that he wants to tell you,
Copy !req
599. but it's just difficult for him.
Copy !req
600. Well, like what?
Copy !req
601. You know, what does
he want to tell me?
Copy !req
602. Well, mostly he just
wants to let you know that
Copy !req
603. he's definitely not proud of you.
Copy !req
604. What?
Copy !req
605. Yes. He told me to be crystal clear
about that.
Copy !req
606. Also, he still thinks that parody songs
are stupid
Copy !req
607. and I don't have to tell you
Copy !req
608. how he feels about the accordion, do I?
Copy !req
609. Okay. Well, Mom,
I actually have to go now.
Copy !req
610. You know, he just never
really wanted to have kids.
Copy !req
611. Okay. Well, great talking to you.
Copy !req
612. Listen, if you do wanna get
that job down at the factory,
Copy !req
613. I'm sure your father can
pull a few strings for you.
Copy !req
614. All right. Take care now, bye-bye.
Copy !req
615. - Love you, Alfy!
- Yep!
Copy !req
616. Oh, tough call with the folks, huh?
Copy !req
617. You know, I can fire up the downstairs
hot tub for you if you'd like.
Copy !req
618. Oh, no, no, this is fine. I don't want to
put you through any trouble.
Copy !req
619. I... It's really no trouble.
Copy !req
620. I mean, there are actually
three other Jacuzzis
Copy !req
621. in the house that are
not here in my bedroom.
Copy !req
622. Oh, that's so sweet of you,
but really, I'm good.
Copy !req
623. You, on the other hand,
you don't seem so good.
Copy !req
624. Do you wanna talk about it?
Copy !req
625. It's just, my whole life,
Copy !req
626. all I've wanted is for my
father to accept me for who I am.
Copy !req
627. And I thought if I became
this huge success,
Copy !req
628. that that would change things, but...
Copy !req
629. Mm.
Copy !req
630. But he still hates everything about me.
Copy !req
631. You know, maybe he's right.
Maybe parody songs are stupid.
Copy !req
632. Look, you don't have to
write parody songs
Copy !req
633. if you don't want to.
Copy !req
634. What?
Copy !req
635. You look a little hungry.
Here, have a snack.
Copy !req
636. You can write your own songs.
Copy !req
637. You think I took
you under my wing
Copy !req
638. because you write parody songs?
Copy !req
639. No, I saw in you a visionary,
Copy !req
640. an artist who has
something to give to the world.
Copy !req
641. I saw in you something special,
Copy !req
642. something your father doesn't see
Copy !req
643. and that even you don't see...
Copy !req
644. yet.
Copy !req
645. This guacamole tastes funny.
Copy !req
646. Of course it does.
It's loaded with LSD.
Copy !req
647. What?
Copy !req
648. No!
Copy !req
649. You need to open your heart
and your mind,
Copy !req
650. face your fears,
break your chains,
Copy !req
651. come with me on a spiritual journey.
Copy !req
652. Find your source of inspiration!
Copy !req
653. No, that-that is totally not cool, man.
You can't just...
Copy !req
654. Whoa, no, what is happening
to your head?
Copy !req
655. That's probably the drugs kicking in.
Copy !req
656. Just relax and enjoy the ride.
Copy !req
657. It'll be over in like, 10 to 12 hours.
Copy !req
658. 12 hours?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Copy !req
659. I'm just gonna close my eyes
and when I open them up again,
Copy !req
660. everything is gonna
be completely back to...
Copy !req
661. What in God's name
are you doing, boy?
Copy !req
662. Those aren't the right words!
Copy !req
663. Please, just stop being who you are
and doing the things you love.
Copy !req
664. You, Al Yankovic,
are the most untalented,
Copy !req
665. pathetic loser I've ever
met in my entire life!
Copy !req
666. No, no, no, stop it.
Leave me alone!
Copy !req
667. Alfred Yankovic, this is your time.
Copy !req
668. Believe in yourself,
and the song will come to you.
Copy !req
669. Don't listen to him, boy!
Copy !req
670. You belong with me, at the factory!
Copy !req
671. It's your destiny!
Copy !req
672. Aah! No!
Copy !req
673. Aah! No!
Copy !req
674. He's losing his power
over you, keep going!
Copy !req
675. I can't!
Copy !req
676. Maybe you should try
a little Cap'n Crunch.
Copy !req
677. What?
Copy !req
678. Raisin Bran, perhaps?
Copy !req
679. No, no! I don't want no Cap'n Crunch!
Copy !req
680. Don't want no Raisin Bran!
Copy !req
681. Eat it, just eat it.
Copy !req
682. I don't understand!
Copy !req
683. Don't you make me repeat it.
Copy !req
684. What's happening to me?
Copy !req
685. Now you must die in order to be reborn.
Copy !req
686. No, no! No!
Copy !req
687. Put it in.
Copy !req
688. I've heard enough.
Copy !req
689. It's brilliant.
Copy !req
690. Okay, I'm sorry.
I don't recognize the tune.
Copy !req
691. What song are you parodying here?
Copy !req
692. I'm not parodying anything.
Copy !req
693. This song is completely original.
Copy !req
694. Wait, you wrote the words
and the music?
Copy !req
695. That's right.
Copy !req
696. Okay, just to be perfectly clear,
Copy !req
697. so you're saying this is not a parody
of an existing song,
Copy !req
698. but an entirely original composition
that you wrote all by yourself?
Copy !req
699. Yes.
Copy !req
700. Not based on anybody else's song
in any way?
Copy !req
701. Did I stutter?
Copy !req
702. I'm tired of people thinking
I'm some kind of joke, okay?
Copy !req
703. I am done writing parody songs. Done.
Copy !req
704. From now on, I am only gonna do
completely original music.
Copy !req
705. Oh, Al, you can't smoke in here.
Copy !req
706. I totally deserved that.
Copy !req
707. Well, I am blown away.
This is a bold new direction.
Copy !req
708. I mean, the parody songs were fine,
Copy !req
709. but you've completely
changed the game here.
Copy !req
710. This is gonna be your biggest hit yet.
Copy !req
711. Okay, okay! Hold your horses!
Copy !req
712. "Weird Al" Yankovic.
Copy !req
713. Um, do I know you?
Copy !req
714. Madonna. Ring any bells?
Copy !req
715. Oh, right. Madonna.
Copy !req
716. Yeah, "Lucky Star,"
"Holiday,"Borderline."
Copy !req
717. Born in Michigan, Catholic schoolgirl,
Copy !req
718. dropped outta college
and moved to New York City
Copy !req
719. with nothing but the clothes
on your back
Copy !req
720. and $35 in your pocket.
Copy !req
721. Maybe it was to become
the Queen of Pop.
Copy !req
722. Maybe it was to get back at Dad
for marrying the housekeeper.
Copy !req
723. Wow.
Copy !req
724. You know a lot more about me
than you let on.
Copy !req
725. What can I say?
I'm full of surprises.
Copy !req
726. So, what brings you here, Madonna?
Copy !req
727. Oh, I was in the neighborhood.
Copy !req
728. Wanted to see if my map to
the stars' homes was accurate.
Copy !req
729. Guess you won't need a refund then.
Copy !req
730. Is that, uh, all you wanted?
Copy !req
731. No, I want a lot of things,
Copy !req
732. but the truth is,
I'm a big fan of yours.
Copy !req
733. Join the club.
Copy !req
734. Have you heard my new
single, "Like a Virgin?"
Copy !req
735. Oh, I've heard it.
Copy !req
736. And I'm curious,
is that song autobiographical?
Copy !req
737. Yes. I technically am a virgin,
Copy !req
738. except for the fact
that I've had a lot of sex.
Copy !req
739. I mean, a lot.
Copy !req
740. I see.
Copy !req
741. Anyway, I was wondering
Copy !req
742. if you were going to
do a parody of my song.
Copy !req
743. Maybe.
Copy !req
744. I like that.
Copy !req
745. So, would you like to see
the rest of the house?
Copy !req
746. There's only one room
I'm interested in seeing.
Copy !req
747. Oh, I'm doing some
work on the bathroom,
Copy !req
748. but there's another one downstairs.
Copy !req
749. Oh, I'm not talking about the bathroom.
Copy !req
750. Then let me show you
to the laundry room.
Copy !req
751. Al Yankovic,
are you playing with me?
Copy !req
752. Yes?
Copy !req
753. Oh, you're so weird.
Copy !req
754. So, are we like, boyfriend
and girlfriend now?
Copy !req
755. Maybe.
Copy !req
756. Well, now that things are official,
Copy !req
757. I should really be honest with you.
Copy !req
758. When I said I might parody
one of your songs, I lied.
Copy !req
759. So, it's true, what they're saying.
You're not doing parodies anymore.
Copy !req
760. My song "Eat It," which, as you know,
is a hundred percent original,
Copy !req
761. is the biggest hit by anybody ever.
Copy !req
762. So, I've decided that's all
I wanna do from now on.
Copy !req
763. Completely original songs.
Copy !req
764. See, that's what I love about you.
Copy !req
765. You know what you want and
you know how to get it.
Copy !req
766. Just like me.
Copy !req
767. How about that?
And I've got some amazing news.
Copy !req
768. I've officially gotten the word
that we have broken
Copy !req
769. the Beatles' record for most singles
in the Billboard Top 10.
Copy !req
770. Oh.
Copy !req
771. Yeah, cool.
Copy !req
772. Uh, okay.
Copy !req
773. Well, um, we have some very
exciting offers pouring in
Copy !req
774. that I would love to...
Copy !req
775. - That...
- Oh, that feels good.
Copy !req
776. love to discuss with...
Copy !req
777. Love to discuss with you.
Copy !req
778. We got some, some great calls.
Copy !req
779. Uh, very interesting.
Copy !req
780. Led Zeppelin, uh, is thinking about
getting back together,
Copy !req
781. but they say the only
way they'll do it
Copy !req
782. is if they can open
up for you on tour.
Copy !req
783. I mean, that's sweet, but yeah.
Copy !req
784. I already offered the gig
to Howie Mandel, so.
Copy !req
785. Okay, yeah. But this is perhaps...
Copy !req
786. Look, I am not bumping
Mandel for Zeppelin, okay? Pass.
Copy !req
787. Okay. Got it.
Copy !req
788. Uh, well, we have another offer,
a very serious offer.
Copy !req
789. This is to replace Roger Moore
in the James Bond franchise.
Copy !req
790. - Now this one...
- No!
Copy !req
791. No, no, no, I'm not gonna
be the new James Bond.
Copy !req
792. I'm not gonna be
the new Indiana Jones.
Copy !req
793. From now on, everything I do
has to be completely original.
Copy !req
794. How many times have
I gotta say that?
Copy !req
795. Look, Mr. Pimento,
we have places to be.
Copy !req
796. How long is this gonna take?
Copy !req
797. Not much longer.
Copy !req
798. We got another offer
for you to play
Copy !req
799. Pablo Escobar's 40th birthday party.
Copy !req
800. I saw him on the news.
He's a really big deal.
Copy !req
801. The drug lord?
Why is he so obsessed with me?
Copy !req
802. And he has upped his offer
to three billion pesos.
Copy !req
803. I mean, okay, how much is
that in American money?
Copy !req
804. You know what, never mind,
I don't feel like doing the math.
Copy !req
805. Well, I've done the math
and I can assure you...
Copy !req
806. Bup-bup-bup! I can do my own math,
and I said, I don't want to. Pass.
Copy !req
807. Alfy, are you chewing my gum?
Copy !req
808. I don't know. Maybe.
Copy !req
809. You wanna come get it?
Copy !req
810. You, you don't think
things are moving
Copy !req
811. too fast with us, do you?
Copy !req
812. Baby, don't be silly.
We're soulmates.
Copy !req
813. This is true love.
When you know, you know.
Copy !req
814. You're so right.
Copy !req
815. This has been the happiest
six hours of my life.
Copy !req
816. Mr. Yankovic, you have a phone call
at the host stand.
Copy !req
817. Excuse me, my love.
Copy !req
818. This better be good.
Copy !req
819. Well...
Copy !req
820. What's going on, Tony?
Copy !req
821. Okay, um, I-I thought you should
hear it from me first.
Copy !req
822. Michael Jackson just released
a new single called "Beat It."
Copy !req
823. It's, um...
Copy !req
824. Well, it's-it's a parody of "Eat It."
Copy !req
825. You mean the kid from the Jackson Five?
Copy !req
826. Why is that has-been trying
to ride my coattails?
Copy !req
827. He actually has
a pretty successful solo career now.
Copy !req
828. Whatever! You're telling me
Copy !req
829. Michael Jackson recorded
a parody of my song?
Copy !req
830. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Same music, different words.
Copy !req
831. What kinda sick freak
changes the words
Copy !req
832. to someone else's song?
Copy !req
833. "Beat It," huh?
Copy !req
834. Wait, so it's about eggs?
Copy !req
835. No, no, it's, uh, I don't
think it's even about food.
Copy !req
836. It's about fighting or...
Copy !req
837. trying to avoid a fight?
I'm not exactly sure...
Copy !req
838. What gives him the right?
Can he even do this?
Copy !req
839. I think you're overreacting
just a little, okay?
Copy !req
840. I mean, this could be great publicity.
Sell a few more albums.
Copy !req
841. No, I don't need to
sell more albums, Tony!
Copy !req
842. I need people to start taking me seriously
as an artist that creates original music.
Copy !req
843. Now some idiots
will probably get confused
Copy !req
844. and think "Beat It" came first!
Copy !req
845. Nobody's gonna think that.
Copy !req
846. This is a disaster,
for the rest of my life now,
Copy !req
847. I'm gonna be linked to
this Michael Jackson guy.
Copy !req
848. And why would that be so bad?
Copy !req
849. You know, maybe it's a good thing.
I-I think it's an honor.
Copy !req
850. Michael's one of the biggest stars
in the world.
Copy !req
851. Everything okay?
Copy !req
852. Everything's pretty freaking not okay.
Copy !req
853. I finally created something of my own
Copy !req
854. and now people are just gonna think
I'm ripping off Michael Jackson.
Copy !req
855. Your fillet?
Copy !req
856. I think I lost my appetite.
Copy !req
857. Babe, you seem stressed.
You should have a drink.
Copy !req
858. I don't really drink.
Copy !req
859. If there's one thing I've learned in life,
the only thing that can clear your head
Copy !req
860. and make you feel better is
hard alcohol, and lots of it.
Copy !req
861. Well, you know me better than anyone.
Copy !req
862. I trust you.
Copy !req
863. He'll have a whiskey, neat.
Copy !req
864. You know what? Maybe you should bring
the whole bottle.
Copy !req
865. I know, right?
Copy !req
866. Hey, hey. The king is here!
Let's get this party started.
Copy !req
867. Dude, soundcheck was supposed to start
like three hours ago.
Copy !req
868. Well, I wasn't here three hours ago,
so we're starting now.
Copy !req
869. Al, are you drunk?
Copy !req
870. - I'm not drunk, you're all drunk.
- No, this is pointless.
Copy !req
871. Hey, man, why don't you
just get out of here?
Copy !req
872. I need to get out of here?
You need to get out of here!
Copy !req
873. - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Guys, guys!
Copy !req
874. Al, look, it's the first show
of the tour tonight.
Copy !req
875. It's kind of a big deal.
Copy !req
876. Do you think you could maybe
not screw this up for everybody?
Copy !req
877. Oh, what-what-what are you gonna do,
fire me?
Copy !req
878. You guys are nothing without me.
Copy !req
879. Yeah, I could replace
you with a drum machine
Copy !req
880. and you with a guitar machine
Copy !req
881. and you with a, I don't know,
with some other machine.
Copy !req
882. You're all just a bunch of normals, okay,
Copy !req
883. I'm the weird one!
I am the weird one!
Copy !req
884. Okay. That's it.
Copy !req
885. You've changed, man.
Copy !req
886. Fame's really gotten to you.
Copy !req
887. Wow.
Copy !req
888. Look, just get yourself cleaned up
for the show tonight, all right?
Copy !req
889. - You're a mess.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
890. They seem nice.
Copy !req
891. Yeah, they're great.
Copy !req
892. - Al?
- Oh, what do you want?
Copy !req
893. Can I talk to you for a minute?
Copy !req
894. Privately?
Copy !req
895. Look, anything you wanna say to me,
you can say in front of my girlfriend.
Copy !req
896. Okay, fine.
Copy !req
897. I think Madonna's a bad influence on you.
Copy !req
898. I think she's an evil, conniving succubus
Copy !req
899. and she's only using you
for her pathetic and selfish needs.
Copy !req
900. - What?
- No offense.
Copy !req
901. She only wants you for that
sweet, sweet Yankovic Bump.
Copy !req
902. She knows her record sales
Copy !req
903. will go through the roof
if you parody her.
Copy !req
904. How dare you.
Copy !req
905. This woman is the greatest thing
that has ever happened to me.
Copy !req
906. And besides, I already told her
I'm not doing any more, um...
Copy !req
907. Any more...
The thing you said.
Copy !req
908. - Song parodies.
- Song parodies!
Copy !req
909. You're so drunk right now,
Copy !req
910. I bet you couldn't even
give her that Yankovic Bump.
Copy !req
911. That's not true!
Copy !req
912. That's not true, I'll come up with
that song parody right now.
Copy !req
913. Instead of "Like a Virgin,"
it'll be "Like a..."
Copy !req
914. Like a...
Copy !req
915. Like a...
Copy !req
916. Shut up, it's impossible!
Nothing rhymes with virgin.
Copy !req
917. Al, listen.
Copy !req
918. You gotta take care of yourself.
Copy !req
919. When she's done with you,
she's gonna drop you
Copy !req
920. like a sack of spoiled cabbage.
Copy !req
921. No, no, shut up, shut up!
You're not my dad.
Copy !req
922. You think you're my dad,
but you are not my dad.
Copy !req
923. Baby? Baby, where are you going?
Copy !req
924. I'm goin' for a drive to clear my mind,
on my own.
Copy !req
925. No, no, no, no, no. You cannot go.
Copy !req
926. Without your car keys.
Copy !req
927. Thank you so much.
Copy !req
928. Well, we can't wait.
Copy !req
929. Weird Al hits the stage
at Joe Robbie Stadium
Copy !req
930. tonight at eight o'clock,
and it's gonna be off the chain.
Copy !req
931. One for the history...
Copy !req
932. Well, that was
multi-platinum recording artist
Copy !req
933. "Weird Al" Yankovic with
"I Love Rocky Road," and my god,
Copy !req
934. have you ever seen
a more durable pop artist?
Copy !req
935. Anything you throw at this guy,
Copy !req
936. he just seems capable of surviving it.
Copy !req
937. I'll bet he could land a plane
into a volcano
Copy !req
938. and still come out...
Copy !req
939. Dammit.
Copy !req
940. All right, nurse, let's call it.
Copy !req
941. 7:30...
Copy !req
942. Quick!
Copy !req
943. I need some paper and
a number two pencil.
Copy !req
944. Here you go, baby.
Copy !req
945. Excuse me, miss, he's
in no condition to be doing...
Copy !req
946. Look, there's no time, okay?
He's got a show in 30 minutes.
Copy !req
947. All right.
Copy !req
948. Better give me all your gauze, nurse.
Copy !req
949. Yes!
Copy !req
950. This is all for you, babe.
I love you so much.
Copy !req
951. I think I should have stuck around
for that blood transfusion though,
Copy !req
952. - I think I'm gonna pass out.
- No, babe, you're killing it.
Copy !req
953. - Now get back out there.
- Okay.
Copy !req
954. Okay, babe, you have a costume change,
one more song
Copy !req
955. and then we can go home
and sleep it off.
Copy !req
956. Okay.
Copy !req
957. No, no, no, no. What-what is that?
I'm not wearing that.
Copy !req
958. - It's your "Eat It" jacket, babe.
- No, not anymore, it's not.
Copy !req
959. That is a Michael Jackson jacket now.
I don't wanna see it.
Copy !req
960. Get that outta my face.
Copy !req
961. You don't have to wear it
if you don't want to.
Copy !req
962. Now just drink up.
Yeah, that's good, yeah.
Copy !req
963. Little more, little more.
That's the medicine.
Copy !req
964. Boo, boo, boo, boo!
Copy !req
965. Yeah, that's what you sound like.
Boo!
Copy !req
966. Oh, what? You want,
do you wanna hear "Eat It?"
Copy !req
967. Do you?
Copy !req
968. Okay, here goes.
Copy !req
969. You're all a bunch of slaves!
Copy !req
970. You're morons.
Copy !req
971. Idiots!
Copy !req
972. Oh, what, what, you paid good money
to see a show?
Copy !req
973. You worked your little butts off
at some dangerous factory?
Copy !req
974. God only knows what they make there!
Copy !req
975. No one will tell you that.
Copy !req
976. What do they make in the factory?
Copy !req
977. What do they make?
Copy !req
978. Do you like getting pushed around?
Copy !req
979. You like letting everybody
push you around?
Copy !req
980. Yeah, I think you do.
I think you like it.
Copy !req
981. You like letting your dad
push you around?
Copy !req
982. No!
Copy !req
983. You like letting Michael Jackson
push you around?
Copy !req
984. No!
Copy !req
985. Well, what are you gonna do about it?
Copy !req
986. What are you gonna do about it?
Copy !req
987. What are you gonna do?
Copy !req
988. So... you wanna see it?
Copy !req
989. Do you want me to show it to you?
Copy !req
990. I'm gonna whip it out!
Copy !req
991. You don't think I'll do it, do you?
Copy !req
992. I haven't whipped it out yet
but I'm gonna do it for you,
Copy !req
993. but only if you really want me to.
Copy !req
994. Okay, here goes!
Copy !req
995. Yeah!
Copy !req
996. Get off me! Get off me!
Copy !req
997. We're sorry to interrupt
Copy !req
998. the President's address,
but we have breaking news.
Copy !req
999. Parody songsmith "Weird Al" Yankovic
was arrested earlier tonight
Copy !req
1000. in Miami-Dade County
for lewd behavior.
Copy !req
1001. Okay. Here's my thought.
Copy !req
1002. I think this is a really great idea,
I hope you like it.
Copy !req
1003. We team up, right?
Copy !req
1004. I'll write all the, you know,
good songs, the real ones,
Copy !req
1005. and then you parody them every time.
Bam, bam. It's perfect.
Copy !req
1006. Sounds great.
Copy !req
1007. It's foolproof, we'll be unstoppable.
Copy !req
1008. We'll be the hottest power couple
in the entire music industry.
Copy !req
1009. What would our power couple name be?
Copy !req
1010. I'm thinking Madankovic
or Madonnavic
Copy !req
1011. or maybe just Madonna.
Copy !req
1012. There'll be plenty of time
to figure all of that out.
Copy !req
1013. But can you imagine the world tour?
Copy !req
1014. Madonna... with Weird Al.
Copy !req
1015. All that money?
I just got the tingles.
Copy !req
1016. But I mean, you're okay
with all of this, right?
Copy !req
1017. Look, babe, I'm...
Copy !req
1018. I'm seriously okay
with anything you wanna do.
Copy !req
1019. I mean, look at me. I'm a train wreck.
Copy !req
1020. I'm barely holding it together.
Copy !req
1021. My parents wrote me off.
Copy !req
1022. I pushed away my band, Dr. Demento,
Copy !req
1023. everyone who was important to me.
Copy !req
1024. You're all I got.
Copy !req
1025. You are literally the only thing
I have left in the world,
Copy !req
1026. and if anything happened to you,
I don't know what I would do.
Copy !req
1027. No, no! No!
Copy !req
1028. Relax, Mr. Yankovic.
Copy !req
1029. We only wanna borrow your girlfriend.
Copy !req
1030. Just stay calm and
nothing will happen to you.
Copy !req
1031. Please, sir, please.
Whatever you do...
Copy !req
1032. Don't hurt me.
Copy !req
1033. - Help me!
- Madonna!
Copy !req
1034. Hiya!
Copy !req
1035. Die, die!
Copy !req
1036. Order up.
Copy !req
1037. Pablo Escobar sends his regards!
Copy !req
1038. Pablo Escobar, you just made
the biggest mistake of your life.
Copy !req
1039. This'll do.
Copy !req
1040. So, then I'm stomping on him and
stomping him with my boots,
Copy !req
1041. and he's calling for
his mom and I'm like,
Copy !req
1042. "Stop being so extra."
You know, it's like...
Copy !req
1043. Oh, my goodness! Ha ha!
That better not be vanilla.
Copy !req
1044. Who was it?
Copy !req
1045. - No, who was it?
- Escobar!
Copy !req
1046. Oh, Mr. Yankovic.
Copy !req
1047. We've been expecting you.
Welcome, welcome.
Copy !req
1048. As you know, I am a huge,
huge fan of your music.
Copy !req
1049. I got all of your albums
through the Columbia House Record Club.
Copy !req
1050. Twelve for one penny, you guys.
Really great deal.
Copy !req
1051. Really great deal.
Copy !req
1052. Anyway, I... Oops.
I hope you will forgive me
Copy !req
1053. for kidnapping your lovely girlfriend.
Copy !req
1054. It just seemed like
that was the only way
Copy !req
1055. to guarantee that you would
come to my birthday party.
Copy !req
1056. Your agent, oy, a real nightmare
to deal with, if I'm gonna be honest.
Copy !req
1057. Real vicious guy.
Copy !req
1058. You know, I'm sorry.
Let me turn down the music please.
Copy !req
1059. Just a little annoying, yeah.
Copy !req
1060. I can hear myself think now.
Copy !req
1061. It's so noisy up in there.
Aah, the voices.
Copy !req
1062. Oh. Oh, where are my manners?
Copy !req
1063. We were just about to cut the cake.
May I offer you a slice?
Copy !req
1064. Let's get him a slice, please.
Copy !req
1065. No. No cake.
Copy !req
1066. Okay, Mr. Diet.
Copy !req
1067. More for us, am I right?
Copy !req
1068. I just want my woman, then I'll go.
Copy !req
1069. Ah, you want your woman. Okay.
Copy !req
1070. I'm afraid that's
not how it works, Mr. Yankovic.
Copy !req
1071. You see, you can't leave until you
perform for me.
Copy !req
1072. - Do you understand me?
- No dice.
Copy !req
1073. Not gonna happen.
I'm not your monkey.
Copy !req
1074. - I can do "Borderline."
- No, I don't want that. I want him.
Copy !req
1075. Mr. Yankovic, why-why all the drama?
Copy !req
1076. I mean, you're already here.
Copy !req
1077. Just perform one measly song for us
and then you guys can leave.
Copy !req
1078. Come on, just one song, no?
Copy !req
1079. How about that wonderful
Copy !req
1080. Michael Jackson parody
that you did, huh?
Copy !req
1081. That's not a parody!
Copy !req
1082. Stop! Stop! It's my birthday.
Stop it! Stop it!
Copy !req
1083. Well, first off, rude. Okay?
And second of all,
Copy !req
1084. if you really, really don't wanna
entertain us, then fine.
Copy !req
1085. You can just leave.
Copy !req
1086. Wait, so, so we can just go?
Copy !req
1087. Yeah, you can go whenever you want.
Copy !req
1088. Psych!
Copy !req
1089. No!
Copy !req
1090. Very unfortunate.
Copy !req
1091. He was like a god among men,
and now just worm food.
Copy !req
1092. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Anyway, back to the party.
Should we cut the cake or...?
Copy !req
1093. Hey, Pablo, you forgot one thing.
Copy !req
1094. I'm certified platinum.
Copy !req
1095. Hey, Escobar.
Copy !req
1096. Eat it.
Copy !req
1097. Okay, let's get outta here.
Copy !req
1098. I just gotta get this medallion.
Copy !req
1099. Okay.
Oh, it's in there. Ah.
Copy !req
1100. Oh, gross, gross, gross,
gross, gross!
Copy !req
1101. You just killed Pablo Escobar!
Copy !req
1102. I know! I've killed so many people
this week.
Copy !req
1103. Before last Thursday,
I never really killed anyone.
Copy !req
1104. The things we do for love, huh?
Okay, come on. We gotta go.
Copy !req
1105. Well, now, wait, wait, wait,
hear me out here.
Copy !req
1106. With Escobar out of the picture, maybe...
Copy !req
1107. maybe we can run the drug cartel.
Copy !req
1108. Wait, what?
Copy !req
1109. Supply and demand, baby.
Copy !req
1110. Look, someone's gotta run the cartel.
May as well be me. Us.
Copy !req
1111. You can't be serious.
What about all our plans?
Copy !req
1112. Writing songs together, touring together.
Copy !req
1113. Why rule the music industry
when you can rule the world?
Copy !req
1114. All the money and power is right here.
Copy !req
1115. Madonna, that's...
Copy !req
1116. No. No way.
Copy !req
1117. My life is in America, and my
family would never forgive me
Copy !req
1118. if I became involved in a drug cartel.
Copy !req
1119. Well, your family's
already disowned you, Al.
Copy !req
1120. I'm all you've got, remember?
Copy !req
1121. And we'll still be together.
I'll be the head of the cartel...
Copy !req
1122. and you can be my number two.
Copy !req
1123. Your number two.
Copy !req
1124. I can't believe this.
Dr. Demento was right.
Copy !req
1125. You were just using me to further
your own career, weren't you?
Copy !req
1126. Well... yeah.
Copy !req
1127. My relationship with you
was a business decision...
Copy !req
1128. and so is this.
It's all just business.
Copy !req
1129. Wow.
Copy !req
1130. Well, okay then.
Copy !req
1131. I guess... I guess that's it.
Copy !req
1132. Have a nice life.
Copy !req
1133. Whoa!
Copy !req
1134. I can't let you leave, Al.
You know too much.
Copy !req
1135. What are you talking about?
Copy !req
1136. Stop that!
Copy !req
1137. We could have made
such a beautiful team,
Copy !req
1138. and you know what?
Copy !req
1139. I decided I do like Weirdonna
better than Madonnavic.
Copy !req
1140. But that's all over now.
Copy !req
1141. Our partnership is officially dissolved.
Copy !req
1142. Goodbye, Madonna.
Copy !req
1143. Yeah. I had
a lot of soul searching to do.
Copy !req
1144. Was I a parody singer?
An original artist?
Copy !req
1145. The most dangerous
assassin in the world?
Copy !req
1146. Maybe I had lost my way.
Copy !req
1147. Don't get me wrong,
there were things
Copy !req
1148. I loved about being Weird Al.
Copy !req
1149. The fame, the money,
Copy !req
1150. the fancy dinners,
joining the Illuminati,
Copy !req
1151. going to the Illuminati
holiday party,
Copy !req
1152. learning the truth about
the moon landing and JFK.
Copy !req
1153. But without my family,
none of that mattered.
Copy !req
1154. I knew what I had to do.
Copy !req
1155. There it is, pretty simple.
Copy !req
1156. When the light turns green,
you turn this crank to the left.
Copy !req
1157. When it turns red, you stop
and pull this lever down.
Copy !req
1158. When it turns green again,
you push this lever up
Copy !req
1159. and turn this crank back to the right.
Copy !req
1160. Yep, that's about it. Lunch is at 12:30.
Copy !req
1161. Hey, can I ask you a question?
Copy !req
1162. Sure.
Copy !req
1163. What do we make here?
Copy !req
1164. Your old man
said you was funny.
Copy !req
1165. That's a good one.
"What do we make here?"
Copy !req
1166. Somebody help! My leg!
Copy !req
1167. Oh, uh...
Copy !req
1168. It's burning me! Oh, my leg!
Copy !req
1169. Ahh! Ahh! It burns!
Copy !req
1170. Hey.
Copy !req
1171. Cleanup crew to the control room.
Copy !req
1172. You got a minute?
Copy !req
1173. Well, what?
Copy !req
1174. You want to take a swing, old man?
Copy !req
1175. No.
Copy !req
1176. Just... what are you doing here?
Copy !req
1177. What am I doing here? Really?
Copy !req
1178. All my life, all I wanted to do
is please you,
Copy !req
1179. but I was never enough.
Copy !req
1180. You were always disappointed
in your weird son.
Copy !req
1181. So yeah, I gave up
the most successful career
Copy !req
1182. in music history to come work
at this miserable factory
Copy !req
1183. because it's what
you've always wanted
Copy !req
1184. and what, it is still
not enough for you?
Copy !req
1185. I appreciate what you're doing.
Copy !req
1186. This isn't the life for you.
Copy !req
1187. Oh, what? So I'm not even
good at turning cranks now.
Copy !req
1188. No, Alfred, that's
not what I'm saying.
Copy !req
1189. What are you saying, then?
Copy !req
1190. I was wrong to stand in your way.
Copy !req
1191. This isn't what you were meant for.
Copy !req
1192. You're special.
Copy !req
1193. You're Weird Al, and you're my son.
Copy !req
1194. And I'm, uh...
Copy !req
1195. I'm proud of you.
Copy !req
1196. What are you doing?
Copy !req
1197. Dad!
Copy !req
1198. Yeah, that's an absolute classic.
Copy !req
1199. Whew.
Copy !req
1200. Well, so Mom tells me you're
dating that singer Madonna.
Copy !req
1201. Oh, um, no, we-we broke up.
Copy !req
1202. Oh, I'm sorry, honey. What happened?
Copy !req
1203. Yeah. It's-it's complicated.
Copy !req
1204. Well, don't worry.
There's plenty of other fish in the sea.
Copy !req
1205. So, so, what is it like?
What's it like being you?
Copy !req
1206. You know, world famous superstar and all?
Copy !req
1207. Well, um, it's-it's fun,
but it's also a lot of pressure.
Copy !req
1208. The hardest part for me
is just coming up with new songs.
Copy !req
1209. I-I never know where my
next idea's gonna come from.
Copy !req
1210. And yeah, I-I honestly, I don't know
if I have it in me anymore.
Copy !req
1211. Oh, nonsense.
I'm sure that next big idea
Copy !req
1212. is just right there in front of you.
Copy !req
1213. Well, you may have noticed
I've put on a little weight.
Copy !req
1214. Don't be silly, Ma. You look great.
Copy !req
1215. You do, dear. I think you look wonderful
with a few extra pounds.
Copy !req
1216. I think you're pleasingly plump.
Copy !req
1217. Oh, Nick. You know I'm fat.
Copy !req
1218. I'm fat, you know it.
Copy !req
1219. What?
Copy !req
1220. Wow.
Copy !req
1221. Dad, can I ask you something?
Copy !req
1222. Mom told me growing up,
you always had your reasons
Copy !req
1223. for being so hard on me.
Copy !req
1224. I think it's time, dear.
Copy !req
1225. All right.
Copy !req
1226. Oh, whoa.
Copy !req
1227. I wrote it all down.
This should explain everything.
Copy !req
1228. Okay, do you have maybe
a-a photo album
Copy !req
1229. or we can just go through
the bullet points together?
Copy !req
1230. I don't have a photo album,
but I have a sketchbook.
Copy !req
1231. A sketchbook?
Copy !req
1232. You see, we didn't have any cameras
Copy !req
1233. when I was growing up because...
Copy !req
1234. I was raised Amish.
Copy !req
1235. What, really?
Copy !req
1236. Yep. I grew up Amish.
Copy !req
1237. Lived in the community for
the first 16 years of my life.
Copy !req
1238. And frankly, I don't think I
ever really fit in
Copy !req
1239. because, well, if I'm being honest,
Copy !req
1240. I was just as weird as you
when I was a kid.
Copy !req
1241. Yeah, I even made up new words
to the hymns
Copy !req
1242. that we sang during church service.
Copy !req
1243. That didn't go over too well.
Copy !req
1244. That boy will never learn.
Copy !req
1245. And then when I was
a few years older,
Copy !req
1246. I was able to go on rumspringa.
Copy !req
1247. I finally had a chance to go out
into the great big world
Copy !req
1248. and see what it had to offer.
Copy !req
1249. And that's when I saw
the love of my life,
Copy !req
1250. a 1933 Excelsior,
Copy !req
1251. the finest accordion there ever was.
Copy !req
1252. Cost me every penny I had
in the world, but it was worth it.
Copy !req
1253. So wait-wait-wait,
you had an accordion?
Copy !req
1254. I did, I did, I did,
I was pretty good at it too.
Copy !req
1255. I was not bad. I was not bad at all.
Copy !req
1256. I thought I was the love of your life.
Copy !req
1257. Oh, honey, you come later, please.
Anyway...
Copy !req
1258. So, I tried for months to make it
Copy !req
1259. as a professional musician,
Copy !req
1260. but it just wasn't in God's plan.
Copy !req
1261. Get outta here!
Copy !req
1262. Failure mocked me
at every waking moment.
Copy !req
1263. Hey, there, squeeze box.
Copy !req
1264. I knew that I had to
give up my dream
Copy !req
1265. and go back to the only life
that I'd ever known.
Copy !req
1266. But when I tried to come back
to the Amish community,
Copy !req
1267. well, the second they
saw that squeeze box,
Copy !req
1268. I was immediately ex-communicated,
banished forever.
Copy !req
1269. My whole world
was torn away from me.
Copy !req
1270. All I knew was
I never wanted to see
Copy !req
1271. another accordion again,
for as long as I lived.
Copy !req
1272. So I got a job at the factory,
Copy !req
1273. a place where I knew you could
get an honest day's wages
Copy !req
1274. for an honest day's work.
Copy !req
1275. And that's when I met...
Copy !req
1276. the true love of my life.
Copy !req
1277. Your mother.
Copy !req
1278. Wow.
Copy !req
1279. Dad, I... I never knew.
Copy !req
1280. Of course you didn't.
How could you, I just told you.
Copy !req
1281. I just, the whole story was about...
Copy !req
1282. Anyway, look,
Copy !req
1283. son, I hope that you can forgive me
and I hope you understand.
Copy !req
1284. I lost everything
and I didn't want you
Copy !req
1285. to suffer the same sad fate.
Copy !req
1286. I didn't want you
to get your dreams crushed,
Copy !req
1287. so I thought I should
crush your ideas
Copy !req
1288. before they could turn into dreams.
Copy !req
1289. Yeah, that makes sense.
Copy !req
1290. Oh.
Copy !req
1291. Oh, that's nothing. You can just
throw that thing out, that's...
Copy !req
1292. - "Amish Paradise?"
- Nope, just tear that up in little pieces
Copy !req
1293. - and get rid of that.
- Dad.
Copy !req
1294. Are these song lyrics?
Copy !req
1295. That's just something stupid
I wrote a while ago.
Copy !req
1296. It doesn't matter. You can just...
Copy !req
1297. No, no, no, Dad, these lyrics...
Copy !req
1298. they're like a window into your soul.
Copy !req
1299. I don't think I've ever felt
more connected to you than this
Copy !req
1300. in my entire life.
Copy !req
1301. Well, I never had the chance
to perform it myself
Copy !req
1302. because the dream had already died.
Copy !req
1303. I thought maybe someday,
but no, never mind.
Copy !req
1304. Never mind. I guess no one
will ever hear this song.
Copy !req
1305. That's it! That's it!
Copy !req
1306. Mom!
Copy !req
1307. What did you say like
a minute ago, about being fat?
Copy !req
1308. We're onto something else now.
Copy !req
1309. We were kind of having
a moment here, son.
Copy !req
1310. Read the room.
Copy !req
1311. Yeah, I mean, I wrote the book
and did the whole thing.
Copy !req
1312. - Alfy!
- The drawing.
Copy !req
1313. Listen to your father when he's talking!
Copy !req
1314. Does anything register with you?
Copy !req
1315. Can you see my lips moving?
Nothing gets through to you.
Copy !req
1316. Man, I should a kept
the publishing rights.
Copy !req
1317. Yecch!
Copy !req
1318. It is so good to
have you back, man.
Copy !req
1319. Yeah, I was starting
to miss the weird one.
Copy !req
1320. Oh god, I cannot believe
I ever said that to you guys.
Copy !req
1321. I am so, so sorry.
Copy !req
1322. Hey, you're an artist.
Copy !req
1323. Being an abusive jerk
is all part of the process.
Copy !req
1324. Yeah, name me one creative genius
Copy !req
1325. that doesn't have a checkered past
Copy !req
1326. involving drugs, alcohol
and a murderous rampage
Copy !req
1327. through the heart of the jungle.
Copy !req
1328. Yeah, I guess you're right.
Copy !req
1329. I love you guys so much!
Copy !req
1330. Yeah, yeah. See you out there.
Copy !req
1331. Dr. D, you came!
Copy !req
1332. Of course I came. I wouldn't
have missed it for the world.
Copy !req
1333. And well, needless to say,
you were amazing.
Copy !req
1334. Thank you. And I-I also,
I really wanna say the way I treated you...
Copy !req
1335. Stop. I'm gonna stop you
right there, okay?
Copy !req
1336. No apologies necessary.
Copy !req
1337. I have been thinking
a lot about what you said,
Copy !req
1338. and I realized, Al, that...
Copy !req
1339. you are like a son to me and, uh...
Copy !req
1340. Well, I never really had any children
of my own, so, uh...
Copy !req
1341. I want to adopt you.
Copy !req
1342. Will you be my son?
Copy !req
1343. Wow.
Copy !req
1344. Um, you... I... I just made up with my dad.
Copy !req
1345. You d... You did?
Copy !req
1346. - Yeah.
- That's, wow. Okay.
Copy !req
1347. Yeah. So yeah, we-we talked.
Copy !req
1348. - Wow.
- We're-we're all good now.
Copy !req
1349. Cool, the coolest. That's great.
Copy !req
1350. - That's great.
- It is great.
Copy !req
1351. Oh, good!
Copy !req
1352. - Yeah.
- Cool.
Copy !req
1353. Wow, that's so cool.
Copy !req
1354. That's really cool. That's so cool.
Copy !req
1355. My, my category
is coming up really soon,
Copy !req
1356. I think, so I should probably go change?
Copy !req
1357. You should...
oh, you should go. Yeah, definitely.
Copy !req
1358. It's so good to see you.
Copy !req
1359. - Thank you so much for coming.
- Okay.
Copy !req
1360. - So good. Take care.
- All right.
Copy !req
1361. Please welcome to the stage
Grammy Award winner Diana Ross,
Copy !req
1362. and Intercontinental
WWF Champion Hulk Hogan.
Copy !req
1363. As artists, we learn to express ourselves
through our instruments.
Copy !req
1364. Louis Armstrong had his trumpet
and Jimi Hendrix had his guitar.
Copy !req
1365. And well, my instrument is my voice.
Copy !req
1366. That's right, Diana.
Copy !req
1367. And my instruments
are these 24-inch pythons.
Copy !req
1368. Whoo!
Copy !req
1369. No, no, Mary.
That's an oily man.
Copy !req
1370. And now, the award
you've all been waiting for.
Copy !req
1371. In the category of "Perhaps
Not Technically the Best
Copy !req
1372. But Arguably the Most
Famous Accordion Player
Copy !req
1373. in an Extremely
Specific Genre of Music."
Copy !req
1374. And the award goes to...
Copy !req
1375. "Weird Al" Yankovic!
Copy !req
1376. Oh, thank you.
Copy !req
1377. Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, this is incredible.
Copy !req
1378. This award means so much to me,
Copy !req
1379. and in front of all
the billions of people watching
Copy !req
1380. around the world right now,
all I want to say is...
Copy !req
1381. see, Dad? I told you!
Copy !req
1382. Yeah! In your face, old man!
Copy !req
1383. Huh?
Copy !req
1384. There are so many people here tonight
that I need to thank.
Copy !req
1385. People who mean the world to me
and who made me
Copy !req
1386. everything that I am today.
Copy !req
1387. But they know who they are, and I'm gonna
thank them all later privately.
Copy !req
1388. Okay, I'm just gonna wrap things up.
I don't have much time left.
Copy !req
1389. I... Y'know, I'm gonna be around
for a good long time.
Copy !req
1390. You don't have to worry about that.
Copy !req
1391. You're not gonna get rid of me
that easy.
Copy !req
1392. - Waiting on your signal.
- Stand by.
Copy !req
1393. But in my remaining few seconds,
I just wanna say...
Copy !req
1394. live the life you wanna live.
Copy !req
1395. You know, be as weird as you wanna be.
Copy !req
1396. Believe me, you will never
find true happiness
Copy !req
1397. until you can truly accept who you are.
Copy !req
1398. And standing before all of you,
right here, right now,
Copy !req
1399. I can honestly say I have
never been more happy
Copy !req
1400. or more proud in my entire life.
Copy !req
1401. Thank you.
Copy !req
1402. Thank you! Thank you!
Copy !req
1403. Take the shot.
Copy !req
1404. Nooo!
Copy !req
1405. Wow, fake-out ending!
Copy !req
1406. Awwwwww, double fake-out!
Copy !req