1. Mr. Cox?
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2. Mr. Cox?
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3. Mr. Cox?
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4. Guys, I need Cox.
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5. He goes on in two minutes
and I can't find him.
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6. Mr. Cox.
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7. Mr. Cox?
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8. You're gonna have to
give him a moment, son.
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9. Dewey Cox needs to think about
his entire life before he plays.
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10. Come on, Nate, let's go play.
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11. I can't, Dewey. I gotta practice.
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12. You can't practice all the time,
Nate. You're already perfect.
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13. All right. Come on,
Dewey, let's go play!
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14. - Today's gonna be the best day ever!
- Yeah!
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15. Ain't nothing horrible
gonna happen today.
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16. What do you wanna be
when you grow up, Dewey?
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17. I don't know. Never really
thunk about it before.
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18. When I grow up, I'm
gonna be a great composer.
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19. And a professional baseball player.
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20. Then I'm gonna be an astronaut,
and I'm gonna go to the moon.
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21. There's nothing I won't do
with this long, long life of mine.
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22. For sure.
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23. That's what's great about being young.
There's so much time to do great things.
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24. Let's go play!
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25. My turn!
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26. I got him! I got him!
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27. Catch!
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28. Chicken!
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29. Yee-haw!
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30. I challenge you to a duel, sir.
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31. I don't know, Nate.
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32. You know how mad Pa gets
when we play with his machetes.
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33. Come on, Dewey. There's nothing
wrong with a little machete-fighting.
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34. Now, en garde!
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35. Do you yield, sir?
Never!
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36. Prepare to meet your maker.
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37. Dewey!
Nate!
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38. I'm... I'm... I'm halved!
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39. Oh, we should've listened to Pa.
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40. Dewey, I'm cut in half pretty bad.
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41. In case I don't make it, then
you'll have to be double great
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42. for the both of us.
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43. Wow, that's a lot of pressure, Nate.
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44. You can handle it, Dewey.
Now, run, get Pa!
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45. Holy shit.
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46. This was a particularly bad case
of somebody being cut in half.
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47. I was not able to reattach
the top half of his body
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48. to the bottom half of his body.
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49. Speak English, doc!
We ain't scientists.
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50. I'm sorry, folks. He's gone.
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51. No. Oh, no!
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52. Oh, my God.
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53. Dear God. Oh, Dewey.
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54. It's all your fault, Dewey Cox.
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55. Oh, Pa, you don't mean that.
It's not his fault.
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56. He cut him in half with a machete.
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57. No.
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58. You. You're not half
the boy that Nate was.
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59. You're not even half the boy
that the top half of Nate was
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60. after you cut him in half.
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61. So you're saying I'm less than
a quarter of the boy Nate was?
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62. The wrong kid died.
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63. Ma, I can't smell anything.
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64. You can't smell anything?
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65. I think I lost my sense of smell.
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66. You gone smell-blind, son.
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67. It'll pass, Dewey.
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68. Now, you run on down to the
country store and get us some butter.
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69. And a candle.
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70. We're gonna light us a candle tonight.
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71. I've never heard no music
like that before.
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72. It's so sad.
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73. That's why it's called the blues, boy.
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74. I think I'd like to play me some blues.
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75. Ain't no 6-year-old boy understand
the true meaning of the blues.
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76. I reckon I might.
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77. You play the guitar?
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78. Never have before.
But I'm a real fast learner.
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79. Well, go ahead.
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80. You put your finger right up there.
Place your hands here. That's it.
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81. That's the G chord.
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82. Now hit the strings with your other hand.
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83. That's it.
There you go.
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84. Yeah, just like that.
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85. It's not bad for your first time.
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86. You can do it, Dewey.
You'll be double great.
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87. For the both of us.
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88. Dewey?
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89. Dewey.
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90. Dewey?
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91. Mama, you made it!
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92. There's my favourite 14-year-old son.
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93. Oh, no. Come on, now.
Not in front of the fellas.
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94. Howdy, boys.
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95. Howdy, Mrs. Cox.
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96. I just wanted to say break a leg.
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97. I know you boys are gonna
play a real good song.
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98. Oh, thanks, Ma.
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99. I'm just so proud you learned
to play the guitar so good.
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100. Without even having a sense of smell.
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101. It's all right now, Mama.
I learned how to play by ear.
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102. You just go out there and
sing your heart out, you hear?
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103. I will, Mama.
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104. How we gonna follow that?
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105. Delilah Montgomery, everybody.
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106. - Delilah Montgomery.
- Very nice!
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107. And now sophomore Dewey
Cox is gonna sing us a song.
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108. So, ladies and germs...
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109. I know, I know.
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110. Please welcome Dewey Cox
and the Dewey Cox Four.
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111. Hi. My name's Dewey Cox.
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112. And this is a little song I
wrote called "Take My Hand."
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113. I sure hope you like it.
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114. The wrong kid died, goddamn it.
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115. Shh!
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116. This music is an outrage!
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117. It's the devil's music!
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118. You're going to hell!
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119. Blasphemer!
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120. That's it. I want you
out of this house, boy.
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121. You heard the preacher.
Pal
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122. You think we don't know
what you're talking about
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123. when you say "take my hand"?
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124. What do you mean?
It's about holding hands.
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125. You watch your mouth.
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126. You know who's got hands?
The devil.
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127. And he uses them for holding.
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128. I ain't got no room in my house
for no devil's spawn.
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129. Oh, you be careful now, you hear?
Before you go and say something
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130. you're gonna regret
for the rest of your days.
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131. Like what?
Like "the wrong kid died"?
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132. Oh, no! No!
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133. It's okay. It's okay,
Mama, settle down.
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134. Pa's right.
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135. Springberry ain't big
enough for me no more.
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136. I reckon it's time for
Dewey Cox to move on.
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137. But you're only 14.
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138. Mama, I love you.
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139. But I don't need nobody.
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140. All I need is my music.
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141. I seen my path today,
and I'm gonna take it.
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142. And someday, I'll make my masterpiece,
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143. and you'll all be proud of me.
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144. Just like you were of Nate.
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145. Can I come, Dewey?
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146. Of course you can, Edith.
You're my girlfriend.
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147. I am?
Yeah, silly.
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148. I pointed at you in the audience.
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149. Did you hear that? I'm
Dewey's 12-year-old girlfriend!
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150. You're the most talented man
I've ever seen in my whole life.
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151. And you will never get anything but
unconditional love and support from me
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152. for you and your dreams
the rest of my life.
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153. Well, then, go on.
Get out of this house.
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154. Before I cut your dreams in
half like you cut mine in half.
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155. Goodbye, Pa.
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156. Just wait till you see what happens now.
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157. Here we go.
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158. Yeah, baby. Wrap it up right there.
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159. My name is Bobby Shad
and these are the Bad Men.
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160. We gonna take a short break,
then we be right back
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161. to rock till the morning light,
all right?
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162. Mr. Shad! Mr. Shad!
Wow, that was really great.
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163. Hey, I play a little guitar.
And if you ever need...
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164. Dewey!
Yes, sir?
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165. I pay you to mop the floor,
not bother the band.
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166. My customers come here to dance erotically,
and they need a clean floor to do it on!
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167. Now, you gonna do your job
or I'll find somebody who will.
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168. Yes, sir.
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169. Dewey, will you cut out that
racket? I'm trying to feed your child!
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170. How am I supposed to make it as a
famous musician if I don't practice?
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171. Will you stop talking about that music?
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172. But it's my dream, baby.
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173. Daddy said that if we move back home,
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174. he could give you a permanent
job at the slaughterhouse.
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175. You can make an honest living.
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176. Wouldn't have to hang your head in shame,
walking around like some kind of a failure.
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177. I think I'm doing okay for a
15-year-old with a wife and a baby.
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178. Ain't no musician ever made
no money, Dewey.
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179. Edith, I am starting to think
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180. that maybe you don't believe in me.
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181. I do believe in you.
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182. I just know you're gonna fail.
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183. What are you talking about, Edith?
What about my dreams?
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184. Edith, I told you,
I can't build you a candy house!
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185. It will fall down! The sun will
melt the candy! It won't work!
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186. It will if it never rains.
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187. Now, you listen to me. I am
gonna make this dream come true.
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188. Nobody ever said it's gonna be easy.
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189. It's hard.
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190. It ain't easy to walk
to the top of a mountain.
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191. It's a long, hard walk.
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192. It's a rocky road.
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193. But I plan on walking.
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194. Oh, I'm gonna walk.
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195. Hard.
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196. I will walk hard.
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197. Walk hard.
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198. I got a full house coming tonight.
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199. If Bobby Shad can't play
I need to find someone who can.
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200. I'm fine. I can play
through the pain.
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201. Maybe you should've thought about this
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202. before you punched your
landlord while you got the laryngitis.
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203. I guess there's just
no music tonight, boss.
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204. Bullhickey! People come here
to dance erotically!
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205. I ain't got no music,
I ain't got no nightclub.
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206. Excuse me.
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207. I play a little.
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208. I don't know how to tell you this, boy.
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209. You're white.
This crowd will eat you alive.
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210. I been watching Mr. Shad
every night. I know all the songs.
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211. It'll be the same show.
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212. It'll be just like Bobby Shad and
the Bad Men, only it'll be me tonight.
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213. This is crazy.
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214. But I ain't got no other choice.
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215. I don't mean to put more
pressure on you, boy.
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216. The suits from the record company
just got here.
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217. Oh, okay.
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218. Scared?
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219. A little.
Well, you should be.
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220. Those Jews control show business.
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221. Just lay it down exactly like Bobby does.
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222. Good evening. We're Bobby Shad
and the Bad Men. I'm Dewey Cox.
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223. Bobby Shad couldn't be here tonight
so I'm gonna do his show for you.
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224. And I hope you enjoy it.
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225. This first song
we're fitting to do is, uh...
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226. Well, it's about, uh...
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227. It's about when your woman catches you.
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228. You know, she catches you
running around town
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229. getting into all kinds of strange.
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230. And she says, "Son, get your lazy,
two-timing, Negro ass up out of here."
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231. And you say to her:
What's he doing? You see that?
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232. I like what you did out there tonight.
Have you ever made a recording?
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233. Oh, Mr. L'Chaim, Mr. Mazeltov,
that's been my dream.
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234. He's not the one you want.
I'm the one you want.
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235. I think he's the one we want.
He's got a nice thing.
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236. He's not so bad with the singing and
the playing and the shaking of the tochis.
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237. I think you've got what it
takes to make it in the big time.
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238. The big time?
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239. What the hell is this?
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240. Pizza pie.
What's in a pizza pie?
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241. All right. Hold, please.
Stop that. Stop your singing!
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242. Stop your singing this
instant, young man!
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243. I will not have this in my studio!
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244. Uh, maybe it was a wrong song choice?
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245. If you would just let me play one of my songs that
I wrote, I think you'll like it a whole lot better.
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246. And there is nothing that you can do
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247. here in this room
that can turn that around.
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248. Nothing you can do that can make up
for what you just did to "That's Amore."
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249. Well, my mother liked it a whole lot.
Your mother was wrong.
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250. I was willing to open my mind
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251. because these Jewish gentlemen
brought you in here.
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252. They usually have good taste.
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253. And now here you are in front
of me pretending you can sing.
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254. And I have to say that today
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255. your performance has shaken
my belief in the Jewish people.
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256. Well, there's nothing
I would like more, sir,
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257. than to restore your faith in Judaism right
now, if you could just give me that shot.
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258. But I'll tell you, you have failed so far, and
if somehow you are able to sing a song now,
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259. bringing these boys together
you haven't even met,
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260. and make something So personal, so new,
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261. that the whole world takes notice,
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262. and that your life
is never the same again...
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263. But I'm telling you right now, I
don't think it's going to happen.
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264. Wait, wait, wait. We're here
already. What could it possibly hurt?
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265. L'Chaim, I'll do it for you.
But just one more song.
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266. All right.
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267. All right, son. I'm gonna
give you 15 more seconds.
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268. Thank you, sir.
I hope you won't regret it.
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269. Dewey, we don't know this song.
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270. You just follow me.
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271. I don't know.
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272. Walk hard?
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273. Here is America's new hit song,
"Walk Hard,"
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274. recorded just 35 minutes ago
by Dewey Cox.
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275. He walks so hard.
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276. How do I walk, boys?
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277. Hello.
A monkey!
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278. Oh, hey, Shorty.
Hello, my darling.
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279. I sang a song at a circus in New Jersey.
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280. They said,
"We'll give you 5 grand."
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281. I said, "No, you won't.
You'll give me that giraffe."
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282. They did. They gave it right to me.
That is one beautiful giraffe.
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283. Thank you.
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284. It'll just be a few weeks, Edith.
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285. Who's gonna help
me take care of the children?
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286. Dewey, you have got to
give up this dream.
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287. You're never gonna make it.
Give it up, Dewey.
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288. What are you talking about?
I got a number one hit on the radio.
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289. I mean, I'm playing my music
for people who wanna hear me.
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290. It's everything we always wanted, Edith.
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291. I never get to see you anymore.
Your kids never get to see you.
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292. I don't know how to tell you this.
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293. I'm gonna miss some things, okay?
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294. I'm gonna miss some
birthdays and some christenings.
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295. I'm gonna miss some
births, period. Okay?
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296. Just unrealistic to think I'm gonna be
here for every time you have a baby.
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297. But aren't you happy?
You have a beautiful new home.
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298. All your fancy new clothes and
your monkey and your giraffe.
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299. Look, what else you need?
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300. How about I get you
a crow that could talk?
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301. And I'll teach him phrases that
I say. "Good morning, honey."
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302. But it'll be a little crow talking.
This ain't about no exotic pets!
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303. It's about love,
you stupid piece of shit.
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304. Dewey.
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305. Hello, baby!
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306. Yeah, this is the Big Bopper speaking.
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307. Oh, you sweet thing.
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308. Do I what?
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309. How are we supposed to follow that?
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310. Don't worry, Dewey, you'll do great.
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311. Thanks, Buddy Holly.
If you don't, I'll pick it right back up.
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312. - You got nothing to worry about.
- Oh, thank you.
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313. Man, I'm awful nervous, Buddy Holly.
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314. Dewey, you'll be fine,
or my name's not Buddy Holly.
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315. Hey, guys. Change of plans. Elvis wants
to get out of here early. He's hungry.
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316. So we're gonna change the order. After
the Big Bopper, it's gonna be Buddy Holly,
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317. then Elvis Presley,
and then you, Dewey Cox.
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318. So it's the Big Bopper,
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319. and then Buddy Holly,
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320. and then Elvis Presley, and then me?
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321. Yeah. Just for tonight.
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322. Well, I'm just happy to be here.
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323. Elvis!
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324. Ladies.
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325. Dang, Elvis Presley, you didn't
have to rile them up like that.
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326. What, now?
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327. No, I'm... Excuse me, what?
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328. I'm just saying,
we gotta follow that and...
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329. Listen to this, right now. There's
two things you need to know.
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330. I'm the King.
And number two is:
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331. Look out, man! Look at that
coming at you. You see that?
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332. It's called karate, man, and
only two kinds of people know it.
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333. The Chinese and the King.
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334. And one of them is me.
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335. You're the King.
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336. Come on, man...
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337. Look out, man!
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338. Well, thanks, Elvis.
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339. Let's go. Come on, mama.
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340. What the fuck was he talking about?
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341. How y'all doing?
My name's Dewey Cox.
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342. Hey, listen, folks. I'd like to play a
song I wrote for a very special lady.
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343. I'm talking about
Mrs. Dewey Cox.
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344. Wow, great playing, boys.
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345. The fillies love you, Dewey.
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346. Yeah, if I wasn't a married man with a good
head on my shoulders, I don't know what I'd do.
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347. You gotta get back out there,
Dewey. They are going crazy.
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348. Let me splash some water
on my face. I'll be right back.
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349. Okay. Hurry up!
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350. Golly, that rock 'n' roll. Ha!
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351. Get out of here, Dewey.
What are y'all doing in here?
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352. We're smoking reefer, and
you don't want no part of this shit.
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353. You're smoking reefers?
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354. Yeah, of course we are.
Can't you smell it?
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355. No, Sam, I can't.
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356. Come on, Dewey, join the party.
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357. No, Dewey, you don't
want this. Get out of here!
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358. You know what? I don't want no
hangover. I can't get no hangover.
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359. It doesn't give you a hangover.
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360. Will I get addicted to it or something?
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361. It's not habit-forming.
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362. Oh, okay, well...
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363. I don't know.
I don't wanna overdose on it.
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364. You can't OD on it.
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365. It's not gonna make me
wanna have sex, is it?
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366. It makes sex even better.
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367. Sounds kind of expensive.
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368. It's the cheapest drug there is.
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369. You don't want it.
Hm.
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370. I think I kind of want it.
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371. Okay, but just this once.
Come on in.
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372. What do I do?
Like this.
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373. Oh, my.
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374. Well, the tour's going real great, baby.
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375. Yeah, we're having a real nice time.
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376. Yeah, the boys have been playing great,
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377. and the audiences have been
just wonderful, so...
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378. When you coming home, Dewey?
Soon, baby, real soon.
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379. We gotta hit the major markets in the Northeast,
and then hit Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland...
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380. Dewey, could you shut up? I'm trying to
have sex with these women down here.
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381. Who's that?
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382. Oh, that's, uh...
That's Sam.
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383. He's just looking for his drumsticks.
Howdy.
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384. Excuse me.
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385. Anyway, baby, you don't wanna hear about
all this boring stuff. How was your day?
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386. Oh, you know,
just taking care of the kids.
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387. Went down to Wilson's Market
the other day
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388. to pick up some milk. You'd never
guess. They were completely out of milk.
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389. Hey, Dewey?
Yes, Bert?
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390. You want a cup of coffee or something?
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391. No, thank you.
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392. Who's that?
Oh, that's just Bert, my roadie.
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393. Just wants to know if I want any
coffee or anything like that. You know.
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394. Dewey, there's a distance growing
between us, I feel, and I don't like it.
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395. Oh, now, that is crazy talk, Edith.
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396. Come on, you know
I'm just the same old Dewey.
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397. Hey, Dewey.
Yes, Bert?
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398. You seen my sandals?
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399. I don't know.
I'm talking to my wife, Bert.
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400. Baby, there's somebody
at the door. Listen, I gotta go.
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401. Can I call you when I get to New Jersey?
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402. Okay. Bye, Dewey.
Copy !req
403. I love you.
All right.
Copy !req
404. I love you.
I love you.
Copy !req
405. You're never gonna make it, okay?
Okay, bye.
Copy !req
406. Bye.
Copy !req
407. Dewey.
Pa.
Copy !req
408. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
409. It's about your mama.
Copy !req
410. Ma? What about her? Is she okay?
Copy !req
411. We better step out into the hall.
Copy !req
412. What happened?
I'll tell you what happened.
Copy !req
413. We were readying for bed when
your song comes on the radio.
Copy !req
414. It's Dewey!
Copy !req
415. Your son is talented.
You should be proud.
Copy !req
416. Well, I must admit, it is kind of catchy.
Copy !req
417. Dance with me, Pa.
Copy !req
418. It does make you kind of
wanna move, doesn't it?
Copy !req
419. It sure does.
Copy !req
420. Maybe I have been
kind of hard on little Dewey.
Copy !req
421. Maybe you have.
Copy !req
422. Whoo.
Copy !req
423. Be careful, Ma.
Copy !req
424. - You all right, Ma?
- I'm all right.
Copy !req
425. She lost her balance
Copy !req
426. and fell out the window,
Copy !req
427. and then the radio crushed her head?
Copy !req
428. While she was dancing to your song.
Copy !req
429. I thought you should know
what your music does.
Copy !req
430. It kills people.
Copy !req
431. You made her happy, and it killed her.
Copy !req
432. If Nate was alive, this
never would have happened.
Copy !req
433. Wrong kid died.
Copy !req
434. Get out of here, Dewey.
What are y'all doing in here?
Copy !req
435. It's called cocaine, and you
don't want no part of this shit.
Copy !req
436. Cocaine?
Copy !req
437. What's it do?
Copy !req
438. It turns all your bad feelings
into good feelings.
Copy !req
439. It's a nightmare.
Copy !req
440. I'm thinking maybe I'd like to
try me some of that cocaine.
Copy !req
441. All right, again. Faster.
Copy !req
442. This is crazy, Dewey. Ain't nobody
gonna wanna listen to music like this.
Copy !req
443. You're standing there
playing as fast as you can,
Copy !req
444. singing like some sort of punk.
Copy !req
445. Don't you dare try to stifle me.
Copy !req
446. Whose band is this anyway,
you cocksucker!
Copy !req
447. I'll punch you in the mouth!
Copy !req
448. Oh, God. I'm sorry, Dave.
Copy !req
449. No, I didn't mean that.
Copy !req
450. Just with my mama dying and
all, I'm just all twisted up inside.
Copy !req
451. Mr. Cox?
Copy !req
452. I heard you were looking for a new
backup singer. For your new duet.
Copy !req
453. You heard right.
Copy !req
454. I was wondering if you
might like to give me a try.
Copy !req
455. I reckon I might.
Copy !req
456. I've been singing in my
church choir since I was a girl.
Copy !req
457. I like the sound of that.
Copy !req
458. Darlene Madison.
Copy !req
459. Dewey Cox.
Copy !req
460. Hello, Darlene.
Copy !req
461. Hello, Mr. Cox.
Copy !req
462. You ready to sing one?
Copy !req
463. I'm always ready.
Copy !req
464. Well, all right.
Copy !req
465. Uh!
Copy !req
466. Dewey Cox! I am not
that kind of woman.
Copy !req
467. Al right.
Well,
Copy !req
468. that doesn't mean
that we still can't be friends.
Copy !req
469. Okay.
Copy !req
470. Well, then, here's to us
being great friends.
Copy !req
471. I can't! We're friends!
Copy !req
472. Darlene, these last three weeks have been
Copy !req
473. so full and wonderful.
Copy !req
474. We've shared so many
activities together as good friends.
Copy !req
475. It's like you understand me
the way nobody else ever has.
Copy !req
476. I mean, if I...
Copy !req
477. What is it, Dewey?
I... I don't know.
Copy !req
478. It's nothing. I'm fine.
Copy !req
479. Nothing? You look like
you seen a ghost.
Copy !req
480. I got a lot of pain in me, Darlene.
Copy !req
481. You should know that.
Copy !req
482. Where does all that pain
come from, Dewey?
Copy !req
483. Did you ever have something
that you really loved
Copy !req
484. that you accidentally...
Copy !req
485. killed, or hurt in some way,
with a machete?
Copy !req
486. No, me neither.
Copy !req
487. Wouldn't that be terrible, though?
How would you live with yourself?
Copy !req
488. I know, right? Exactly.
Copy !req
489. Thanks for letting
me sleep in your bunk, Dewey.
Copy !req
490. Gotta sleep somewhere, right?
Copy !req
491. Dewey, I can't.
I know. I know.
Copy !req
492. We both know that the sexual
tension between us is palpable.
Copy !req
493. Don't you know that I wrestle
with the same temptations you do?
Copy !req
494. I know I shouldn't be
saying this to you, Dewey,
Copy !req
495. because we're not married
and we're just friends,
Copy !req
496. but sometimes I lie awake at
night aching for a man's touch.
Copy !req
497. And by "a man's touch,"
I mean a penis in my vagina.
Copy !req
498. It's just so silly.
Copy !req
499. Oh, that's so silly.
Copy !req
500. Well, we better get some sleep.
Okay.
Copy !req
501. Take my hand, Dewey.
Copy !req
502. Let's promise to never, ever
give in to our lesser desires.
Copy !req
503. After all, we're not married.
Copy !req
504. I'm ready for sex.
Copy !req
505. Oh.
Copy !req
506. I been waiting for this for so long.
Copy !req
507. Me too.
Copy !req
508. From the moment I laid eyes on you.
Copy !req
509. Oh.
Copy !req
510. Oh, my.
Copy !req
511. Dewey, I'm nervous.
Copy !req
512. Don't worry, angel.
I'll show you the ways of love.
Copy !req
513. Whoops-a-daisy.
Copy !req
514. A Oh!
Copy !req
515. Oh, Dewey.
Copy !req
516. Surprise!
Copy !req
517. Edith!
Copy !req
518. Who are you?
I'm his wife, that's who I am.
Copy !req
519. No, you're not. I'm his...
Copy !req
520. Good Lord, you're already married?
I can explain.
Copy !req
521. You're gonna explain to her? You should be
explaining to me. I am the mother of your children.
Copy !req
522. It's not what it looks like.
You have children?
Copy !req
523. Darling, it's not what it looks like.
Copy !req
524. It's not what it looks like to me,
or it's not what it looks like to her?
Copy !req
525. Yeah, because it's gotta be the
way it looks like to at least one of us.
Copy !req
526. We're married.
Copy !req
527. I did the right thing. It's
not like we're not married.
Copy !req
528. If you're already married,
you can't get married again.
Copy !req
529. I know, I know, and that
was wrong, but it's just...
Copy !req
530. We were such good friends.
Copy !req
531. And you told me about that dream
where you were licking my balls,
Copy !req
532. and that seemed like a signal, and...
Copy !req
533. I forgot.
Copy !req
534. I'm leaving you, Dewey Cox,
and I will see you in court!
Copy !req
535. No, Edith! Don't go.
Copy !req
536. Oh, well. She's gone now.
Copy !req
537. I'm leaving too. You got the
order of things all backwards.
Copy !req
538. Darlene, don't go!
Copy !req
539. Edith, don't go either!
Copy !req
540. I made a mistake.
I made a terrible mistake.
Copy !req
541. Edith! Edith! Edith!
Copy !req
542. Leave me alone, Dewey.
Honey, I never meant no harm to you.
Copy !req
543. Edith. Cupcake.
Copy !req
544. Baby, you don't know what it's like out
there on the road. It's lonely out there.
Copy !req
545. Edith, I can't be alone.
Copy !req
546. Okay. Well, maybe you should've thought of
that before you went and got double married.
Copy !req
547. Is that what this is about?
Copy !req
548. Don't you stand there and judge
me like I'm some kind of criminal.
Copy !req
549. You are a criminal.
This is illegal, Dewey.
Copy !req
550. What do you mean, it's illegal?
Copy !req
551. It's illegal to be married to two
people at the same time, Dewey.
Copy !req
552. What about if you're famous?
Is that...?
Copy !req
553. So you never done nothing
you shouldn't have done to me?
Copy !req
554. What have I ever done to you?
Copy !req
555. Like that time you woke up in the middle
of the night and drank up all the milk.
Copy !req
556. And then I got up to have my
cornflakes, there was none left.
Copy !req
557. Dewey, you cheated on me!
Copy !req
558. So I'm a cheater, but you can just
drink up all the milk, and that's fine.
Copy !req
559. Okay. All right, that's fine, I get
it. You're innocent, and I'm guilty.
Copy !req
560. Guilty as charged.
Copy !req
561. Don't you dare write a song
right now, Dewey!
Copy !req
562. You know what? Go ahead.
Take the children. I don't care.
Copy !req
563. All I need is my music.
Copy !req
564. I don't need you.
Copy !req
565. And I don't need you.
Copy !req
566. And I don't need you.
Copy !req
567. And I don't need you.
Copy !req
568. You're just sitting there all
high and mighty in your diaper.
Copy !req
569. If anything, you need me.
You're a baby.
Copy !req
570. Come on, Miles.
Copy !req
571. Don't you dare take Miles.
Copy !req
572. You can take the children,
but you leave me my monkey.
Copy !req
573. Fine.
Copy !req
574. Goodbye, Dewey Cox.
Copy !req
575. No! No, come back.
Copy !req
576. Don't leave me, Edith.
Copy !req
577. "Don't leave me, Edith."
There's a title for a song.
Copy !req
578. That's not a bad title,
but please don't leave me.
Copy !req
579. What have you done?
Copy !req
580. I'm telling you, I've had it.
I've had it with all this crap.
Copy !req
581. You took her side every time.
Copy !req
582. All you care about is fruit and
touching yourself. Well, fuck you.
Copy !req
583. Get out of here, Dewey. You
don't want no part of this shit.
Copy !req
584. What y'all doing in here?
We doing pills, uppers and downers.
Copy !req
585. They're the logical next step for you.
Copy !req
586. I want some of that shit.
Copy !req
587. Good morning, Your Honor.
May I approach the bench?
Copy !req
588. Does Dewey seem unhappy to you?
Copy !req
589. He's changed, I tell you, he's changed.
Copy !req
590. That was early Dewey,
this is middle Dewey.
Copy !req
591. Dewey, are you enjoying yourself?
Copy !req
592. What? Oh, I'm sorry.
I forgot you were here.
Copy !req
593. Hey, Dave. I like your girl better,
let's switch.
Copy !req
594. Well, Dewey, this is my wife.
Onh, nice to meet you.
Copy !req
595. Well, this is Kathy.
Kathy, this is Dave.
Copy !req
596. Come on, darling.
So where you from?
Copy !req
597. Hi there.
Copy !req
598. Goddamn it,
this is a dark fucking period!
Copy !req
599. Freeze! Put your hands
above your head.
Copy !req
600. It's not what it looks like.
Copy !req
601. Stop!
Copy !req
602. You got me.
Copy !req
603. Come on,
Mr. Cox. How about it? Look here.
Copy !req
604. Cox, you got a visitor.
Copy !req
605. Prison has changed me.
Copy !req
606. I understand the common man
in a way I never did before.
Copy !req
607. I gotta get out of here, so I can
bring joy to the men back in here.
Copy !req
608. But I don't wanna live with them.
Copy !req
609. Lean closer.
Copy !req
610. I'm going to speak to you in my language
Copy !req
611. so that the guards can't
understand what I'm saying.
Copy !req
612. There must be something you can do.
Copy !req
613. I'm 21 years old.
Copy !req
614. I got my whole life ahead of me.
Copy !req
615. We think we can get you off.
Copy !req
616. What do I have to do?
Copy !req
617. You gotta go to rehab.
Copy !req
618. "Rehab"?
Rehab.
Copy !req
619. - Rehab?
- Oh, rehab.
Copy !req
620. Okay, okay, I gotcha.
Copy !req
621. Doctor! Doctor!
Copy !req
622. I'm so cold.
We need more blankets.
Copy !req
623. We need more blankets.
Copy !req
624. Doctor!
Copy !req
625. I'm so hot!
I think he has too many blankets.
Copy !req
626. Fewer blankets!
Copy !req
627. I'm hot and cold at the same time!
Copy !req
628. He needs more blankets
and he needs less blankets.
Copy !req
629. I'm afraid you're right.
Copy !req
630. Dewey?
Copy !req
631. My wife sends her love,
Copy !req
632. asshole.
Copy !req
633. Dewey, I don't know if you can
hear me in there...
Copy !req
634. but the wrong kid died.
Copy !req
635. Dewey. Do you mind
if we get stoned in here?
Copy !req
636. Eh, he can't hear you.
He's gonna die anyway.
Copy !req
637. Are you ready to go home, Dewey Cox?
Copy !req
638. Darlene.
Copy !req
639. I could never get you out of my head.
Copy !req
640. Me neither.
Copy !req
641. I could never stop thinking about you.
Copy !req
642. But I wasn't gonna be no home wrecker.
Copy !req
643. Now that I'm your only wife
though, it seems different.
Copy !req
644. I'm a new man, Darlene. Prison
and rehab have changed me.
Copy !req
645. All these blankets have saved my life.
Copy !req
646. I think you're finally ready to be the
man I always thought you could be.
Copy !req
647. Let me get this off.
Copy !req
648. I love you.
Copy !req
649. I love you too.
Copy !req
650. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
651. Hey, boys, have you seen Dewey?
Copy !req
652. I think I saw him in the barn
with that longhaired guy.
Copy !req
653. Oh, yeah, he was talking
to Charlie. Charlie Manson.
Copy !req
654. His music is horrible.
But he's a really nice guy.
Copy !req
655. Oh, couldn't be nicer.
Yeah, he's a nice guy.
Copy !req
656. Come on, Dewey. It's almost
time for Dewman's cake.
Copy !req
657. All right. It's just... It's hard for me
to sit around at some birthday party
Copy !req
658. when I know there's so much
injustice going on in this world.
Copy !req
659. I know.
My daddy was right.
Copy !req
660. I can't spend all my time
thinking about Dewey Cox no more.
Copy !req
661. I've got to think about the other people.
Copy !req
662. Like your family?
Copy !req
663. No, I mean, like, people that's
having injustices done to them.
Copy !req
664. Like women and midgets and such.
Copy !req
665. I mean, it's 1966, Darlene.
And, baby...
Copy !req
666. I'm feeling it.
Copy !req
667. I know. The '60s are an
important and exciting time.
Copy !req
668. Aren't they? It's like there's
something happening here.
Copy !req
669. And what it is ain't exactly...
Copy !req
670. obvious.
Copy !req
671. I have to try to help people
with my music.
Copy !req
672. Some people are saying that your
new music sounds a lot like Bob Dylan.
Copy !req
673. Well, maybe Bob Dylan
sounds a lot like me.
Copy !req
674. You know, how come
nobody ever asks Bob Dylan:
Copy !req
675. "Why you sound
so much like Dewey Cox?"
Copy !req
676. What the hell is this song about?
Copy !req
677. I have no idea.
Copy !req
678. You guys are idiots.
This song is very deep.
Copy !req
679. What do your parents think
about your protest songs?
Copy !req
680. What do your parents think about
my protest songs, Mr. TIME Magazine?
Copy !req
681. Sing with me!
Copy !req
682. Sing it!
Copy !req
683. Mr. Cox, why are you going to India?
Copy !req
684. Well, I'm searching for
something, if you must know.
Copy !req
685. I'm fixing to do me some
meditating with the maharishi.
Copy !req
686. And Dewey Cox needs India right now,
Copy !req
687. and, heck, I reckon India
needs Dewey Cox too.
Copy !req
688. Only through meditation can we
begin to understand our role.
Copy !req
689. We're nothing but grains of sand.
Copy !req
690. That was freaking
transcendental, Paul McCartney.
Copy !req
691. Don't you agree, John Lennon?
Yes, Dewey Cox.
Copy !req
692. With meditation there's no limit
to what we can
Copy !req
693. imagine.
Copy !req
694. What do you think, George
Harrison of the Beatles?
Copy !req
695. I don't know. You know, I'm just trying
to get some more songs on the album.
Copy !req
696. And as Ringo Starr, I'm not
so interested in meditation.
Copy !req
697. I just like to have fun.
Copy !req
698. I like the little one.
It's so dark in this tent.
Copy !req
699. Reminds me when we, the
Beatles, the four Beatles, us...
Copy !req
700. From Liverpool.
Yes, we are from Liverpool.
Copy !req
701. We used to play those dark clubs
in Hamburg. Remember that, Paul?
Copy !req
702. Of course I do, I booked them.
I'm the leader of the Beatles.
Copy !req
703. Well, I have to say I like
your stuff. It's pretty good.
Copy !req
704. And most of your records, I really enjoy.
Copy !req
705. We're big fans of your records too.
Copy !req
706. We like to think that Hard Day's
Night is our Guilty as Charged.
Copy !req
707. - Great record.
- Excellent album.
Copy !req
708. We learned a lot from you.
Great record.
Copy !req
709. Well, we're big fans of y'all.
Copy !req
710. Huge fans. You guys are almost as
good as the Monkees. You guys are great.
Copy !req
711. I think I might adjourn to another
dimension, take some LSD.
Copy !req
712. Do you care to join me?
Yeah, let's do that.
Copy !req
713. Care to join us for some LSD,
Dewey? It's good for you.
Copy !req
714. Built by scientists, it is.
Lysergic.
Copy !req
715. Gotta check with headquarters.
Copy !req
716. Come on, Dewey Cox.
Think you might enjoy it.
Copy !req
717. Open your mind to a new experience,
a new level of consciousness,
Copy !req
718. like we do, because we are the Beatles.
Copy !req
719. Why don't you just let him decide.
If he wants to take LSD, he'll take it.
Copy !req
720. He doesn't have to listen to
you. You're not the boss of him.
Copy !req
721. Don't tell me what to say and
what not to say, Paul McCartney.
Copy !req
722. I'm sick of you being so dark when I'm
so impish and whimsical. I'm sick of it.
Copy !req
723. Hey, everyone,
I've got a brand-new mantra:
Copy !req
724. Mmm. Paul's a big fat cunt.
Copy !req
725. Don't know why you
two don't let me write more songs.
Copy !req
726. You know, I just sit here while me
guitar quietly whimpers, you know.
Copy !req
727. Well, you are the quiet one, so
why don't you shut the fuck up?
Copy !req
728. I've got a song about an octopus.
Copy !req
729. Jam it up your ass. You're lucky
we still let you play drums.
Copy !req
730. Wow, seems like there's a rift
happening between the Beatles.
Copy !req
731. I wonder if your songs will
still be shit when I'm 64.
Copy !req
732. - Great sod.
- No, stop it!
Copy !req
733. You bastard! You sissy.
Copy !req
734. Beatles. Please stop
fighting here in India.
Copy !req
735. No, no, let them go.
Let them work it out.
Copy !req
736. Taste it.
Copy !req
737. Right there in the bollocks.
Copy !req
738. - Bastard!
- Cunt!
Copy !req
739. Dewey, you been living clean
for three years now,
Copy !req
740. and it's done you a world
of good, has it not?
Copy !req
741. Look, I know I've had my
trouble with drugs in the past.
Copy !req
742. But I'm addicted to coke, weed,
booze, ludes and speed. Not LSD.
Copy !req
743. Nobody gets addicted to LSD.
Copy !req
744. It was invented by scientists.
Ringo Starr just told me.
Copy !req
745. I heard that doing LSD
can awaken your demons.
Copy !req
746. I ain't got no demons gonna get woke.
Copy !req
747. If you promise
it'll just be this one time.
Copy !req
748. Okay.
Copy !req
749. Let's go drop acid with the Beatles.
Copy !req
750. Hello, Dewey.
Copy !req
751. Welcome to your LSD trip.
Copy !req
752. Where everything's a cartoon.
Copy !req
753. We're the trippy cartoon Beatles.
Copy !req
754. Look at that. It's a flying fish.
Copy !req
755. Totally trippy!
Copy !req
756. Wow, this LSD's all right.
Copy !req
757. I like being a trippy cartoon.
Copy !req
758. Just keep thinking happy thoughts, Dewey.
Copy !req
759. I'd hate for this
to turn into a bad trip.
Copy !req
760. Uh-oh.
Uh-oh?
Copy !req
761. What's that scary music?
Copy !req
762. I had an unhappy thought.
Copy !req
763. It's a bad trip.
Copy !req
764. Bad trip, bad trip!
Copy !req
765. Help! Trippy machete!
Copy !req
766. Oh, fuck me.
I can see my large colon.
Copy !req
767. Uh! I guess I do
have some demons.
Copy !req
768. You all right, Cox?
Copy !req
769. I don't know.
Copy !req
770. Do you want some more LSD?
Copy !req
771. Yeah. I think I do.
Copy !req
772. Mr. Schwartzberg, you're his long-time
manager. Maybe you can talk to him.
Copy !req
773. Well, what's the problem?
Copy !req
774. He's been on that trampoline
for four days.
Copy !req
775. You have got to talk some
sense into him. I'm worried.
Copy !req
776. Dewey, as your manager, I
have to tell you I'm concerned.
Copy !req
777. I think the LSD has changed you.
Copy !req
778. It has changed me.
It's opened my mind right up.
Copy !req
779. I'm reinventing music.
Copy !req
780. I'm creating something new
that I call "shmusic."
Copy !req
781. You've been recording the
same song for eight months.
Copy !req
782. You're not even close to being finished.
Copy !req
783. That's because this record is different
than any other record I've made.
Copy !req
784. I told you. This is going to be
my masterpiece.
Copy !req
785. The one I'm remembered by.
This one's for my brother.
Copy !req
786. What brother?
Copy !req
787. Nothing. Never mind. It's private.
Copy !req
788. This is not a good song.
Copy !req
789. It's like five songs on top
of each other at the same time.
Copy !req
790. Not even a song.
It's some kind of concerto.
Copy !req
791. Just let him work it out.
Copy !req
792. Masterpieces take time.
Copy !req
793. Do you hear that?
I think that goat's been singing
Copy !req
794. more than I am on this damn song.
Copy !req
795. It's still not finished yet.
Copy !req
796. I'm hearing more
aboriginal percussionists.
Copy !req
797. And I want an army of didgeridoos.
Fifty thousand didgeridoos!
Copy !req
798. Folks, can we have a moment with Dewey?
Copy !req
799. What the hell are these songs about?
Copy !req
800. You're singing about
cutting people in half...
Copy !req
801. Ssst-tt-tt-tt.
Copy !req
802. I'm working something out.
It's called a metaphor.
Copy !req
803. Well, what are you working out?
Copy !req
804. It's secret. That's why it's
called metaphor. It's a secret.
Copy !req
805. That's what metaphor
means. Secret.
Copy !req
806. I just don't see why you gotta
throw away the recipe, is all.
Copy !req
807. Why don't we just go in there,
Copy !req
808. lay down some tracks like we always done?
Copy !req
809. Yeah, why can't we just walk hard?
Copy !req
810. Yeah, Dewey, what do we
need all these people for?
Copy !req
811. I don't need people
around me stifling me.
Copy !req
812. So if you don't like it,
there's the door.
Copy !req
813. Dewey?
Copy !req
814. Are you saying you don't need us no more?
Copy !req
815. Not unless you can open your mind
and learn to play the fucking theremin.
Copy !req
816. Fuck you, Dewey!
Copy !req
817. Yeah, fuck you, Dewey.
Copy !req
818. In 20 years not once have you
thrown a woman my way.
Copy !req
819. You don't think we like
cheating on our wives too?
Copy !req
820. And you never once paid
for drugs. Not once!
Copy !req
821. You pay that chimp more than you pay us.
Copy !req
822. I had to borrow from the chimp
to get a mortgage on my house.
Copy !req
823. And those stupid Siamese glass cats
you get us every year for Christmas.
Copy !req
824. I don't want any more Siamese glass cats!
Copy !req
825. The Siamese cat is a symbol
of nobility in ancient Egypt.
Copy !req
826. Fuck nobility!
Copy !req
827. Fuck ancient Egypt.
Copy !req
828. Fuck cats!
Copy !req
829. And you never paid for drugs.
Copy !req
830. Not once.
Copy !req
831. You slept with my wife.
Copy !req
832. You slept with me too!
Copy !req
833. And I've had confused feelings
about that for 10 years now!
Copy !req
834. And you never once paid for drugs.
Copy !req
835. Not once.
Copy !req
836. You're on your own, Dewey Cox.
Copy !req
837. We're leaving.
Copy !req
838. Well, I guess this is the end of a
chapter in your life, Dewey Cox.
Copy !req
839. What's happened to you, Dewey Cox?
Copy !req
840. Stay out of this, Darlene!
Copy !req
841. You're driving away the people
who love you most!
Copy !req
842. I don't need anybody, Darlene.
Copy !req
843. All I need is my music.
Copy !req
844. This ain't about your music,
Dewey. It's about the drugs.
Copy !req
845. Honey, I told you I'm gonna quit again.
Copy !req
846. As soon as the record's done.
Whenever that might be.
Copy !req
847. Look, you can't rush a masterpiece.
Copy !req
848. You need to take a break, Dewey. You
need to clean yourself up, otherwise...
Copy !req
849. Otherwise what?
Copy !req
850. Otherwise I can't be married
to you no more.
Copy !req
851. I know you don't mean that.
Copy !req
852. I believe you know that I do.
Copy !req
853. Okay.
Copy !req
854. Okay?
Okay.
Copy !req
855. You'll take a break?
Copy !req
856. I will take a break.
Copy !req
857. And you'll quit the drugs?
Copy !req
858. And I will quit the drugs.
Copy !req
859. Dewey!
Copy !req
860. Oh, baby. I've been praying
about this day for so long.
Copy !req
861. What did you just put in your mouth?
Gum.
Copy !req
862. You ain't chewing no gum.
Candy?
Copy !req
863. What did you put in your mouth?
It's PCP.
Copy !req
864. Oh, you just said...!
Copy !req
865. Wow.
Copy !req
866. I'm going to town!
Copy !req
867. Get out of the road, you jerk!
Copy !req
868. There he is!
Copy !req
869. Dewey! Get off
that building! It's inappropriate!
Copy !req
870. Dewey Cox, you give me no choice.
Copy !req
871. It breaks my heart, but I'm leaving you.
Copy !req
872. I'm Zeus!
Copy !req
873. No mortal can stop me!
I'm Zeus!
Copy !req
874. Rehab?
Rehab.
Copy !req
875. Nate!
Copy !req
876. Ah! Nate?
Copy !req
877. This is what I'd look like
if I'd grown up into an adult
Copy !req
878. and perhaps hadn't have
been murdered, or whatever.
Copy !req
879. I just came to tell you you
need to get your shit together!
Copy !req
880. I know.
Copy !req
881. I've fallen again.
Copy !req
882. Will you listen to yourself? You
keep whining like a little bitch.
Copy !req
883. If I was alive right now, I'd be the
fucking president of the United States.
Copy !req
884. I'd be on the moon, walking
around looking for aliens to Kill.
Copy !req
885. What?
You know why
Copy !req
886. Dad liked me better than you?
Copy !req
887. Because I was better than you.
Copy !req
888. When I played the piano,
I was fucking awesome.
Copy !req
889. Well, you think it's been easy for me?
Copy !req
890. Since you're gone
I got no sense of smell.
Copy !req
891. Oh, you got no sense of smell?
Copy !req
892. You can't smell anything?
You can't smell anything?
Copy !req
893. I got no sense of having legs, Dewey!
Copy !req
894. I have no life! I'm dead
because somebody...
Copy !req
895. I'm not gonna point out names right now.
Copy !req
896. Decided to murder me with a machete.
Copy !req
897. Nate.
I can't even smell, touch, feel.
Copy !req
898. I can't even masturbate. You ever try
to jerk off with a ghost hand? Nothing!
Copy !req
899. I'm just trying to say
you need to fix this shit.
Copy !req
900. You need to get out of that bathtub.
You need to start writing songs again.
Copy !req
901. Stay in it. Stay in it.
Copy !req
902. No! Why can't I write
a fucking song anymore?
Copy !req
903. And then I fucked up, goddamn it!
Copy !req
904. Schwartzy, I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know what's going on with me.
Copy !req
905. I got the song block.
Copy !req
906. Song block.
Copy !req
907. You know what? I don't
need to write any new songs.
Copy !req
908. I'll just do my old ones. We'll do
a oldies tour. I'll do "Walk Hard."
Copy !req
909. Dewey, "Walk Hard" is over 20 years old.
Copy !req
910. Well, a lot of people like my old songs.
Copy !req
911. Old people like your old songs.
Copy !req
912. May I make a suggestion?
Copy !req
913. I got a call from CBS.
Copy !req
914. They wanna do a show with you.
Copy !req
915. Television, Dewey. It's the
way into the people's hearts.
Copy !req
916. Live from Burbank, California.
Copy !req
917. It's The Dewey Cox Show.
Copy !req
918. And now your host, Dewey Cox!
Copy !req
919. Stay tuned. When
we come back, Cox sings David Bowie.
Copy !req
920. We'll be right
back with more Cox after this.
Copy !req
921. I mean, what do I have to do to
get you on my bone? Invent fire?
Copy !req
922. And then huge laugh and we go
to commercial. All right, take five.
Copy !req
923. Hey. Ha-ha! Ha!
Copy !req
924. Great rehearsal, Dewey.
Very funny sketch.
Copy !req
925. Thank you. Schwarzberg,
have you seen the ratings?
Copy !req
926. We're getting our ass kicked
every week by The Incredible Hulk.
Copy !req
927. Well, last night's episode
was a very special episode.
Copy !req
928. They revealed that the
Incredible Hulk has an evil twin.
Copy !req
929. And he's not green. He's red.
Copy !req
930. I know. It was amazing.
Did you see it?
Copy !req
931. You can't compete with that. But,
listen, we do need to do more promotion.
Copy !req
932. So here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna
introduce people to the new Dewey Cox.
Copy !req
933. In fact, I got a girl here right now to interview
you. She's from the local affiliate in Dallas.
Copy !req
934. Oh. I don't know.
I'm not so good on interviews.
Copy !req
935. Bubbe, it's a puff piece.
It's very puffy.
Copy !req
936. All you have to do is remind the audience
Copy !req
937. that you're not mainlining acid anymore.
And that the show, it's a lot of fun, right?
Copy !req
938. You're having fun.
Yeah.
Copy !req
939. And it's on every Thursday
night at 8 after the local news.
Copy !req
940. "It's on every Thursday night at 8:00, right after
your local news. And I'm not mainlining acid."
Copy !req
941. Anymore.
Oh, I'm not gonna promise that.
Copy !req
942. Whatever you're comfortable with.
"I don't smoke angel dust anymore.
Copy !req
943. So don't be afraid."
Something like that?
Copy !req
944. So why don't you tell us about
your new television programme?
Copy !req
945. Well, Gall, it's a variety show.
I do a little bit of everything.
Copy !req
946. I do some singing, some dancing,
some chatting with the guests,
Copy !req
947. the skits, the monologues, the comedy.
Copy !req
948. Wonderful. Comedy.
Copy !req
949. It really is a lot of fun.
Copy !req
950. Well, we're gonna have
more fun when we come back
Copy !req
951. from this word from our sponsors.
Copy !req
952. Don't go away.
Copy !req
953. Ooh. Okay, you know what? I gotta
tell you, my heart goes out to you.
Copy !req
954. I know what it's like to be on a
piece-of-shit television programme
Copy !req
955. because I'm hosting one right now.
Excuse me?
Copy !req
956. Must wanna blow your fucking
brains out, I'll bet. I know I do.
Copy !req
957. And we're back
with Mr. Dewey Cox.
Copy !req
958. And we're talking about the
fun he's having on his show.
Copy !req
959. But right now, let's talk about your
lovely wife, Darlene. How's she doing?
Copy !req
960. Darlene and I separated
some years ago, Gail.
Copy !req
961. Oh, okay. Guess I didn't
do my homework.
Copy !req
962. And to answer your question,
I miss her terribly.
Copy !req
963. Well, that's sweet.
Copy !req
964. Now, tell me, why don't we talk about your
parents? They've gotta be proud of you.
Copy !req
965. Well, my mom is dead.
Copy !req
966. And my pa and I don't
speak to each other,
Copy !req
967. so we're not very close.
Copy !req
968. We can always cut around
this if it gets too pathetic.
Copy !req
969. Tell us about your kids. I know
you got a whole slew of them.
Copy !req
970. What's going on with them?
Copy !req
971. I'm locked in a custody
battle at this time.
Copy !req
972. Custody is trying to be forced
upon me, which I don't think is right.
Copy !req
973. You know, if you don't want
the responsibility of children,
Copy !req
974. you should be able
to walk away from that,
Copy !req
975. and apparently a couple of my
ex-wives don't feel the same. So, yeah.
Copy !req
976. Wherever my kids are, I'm sure
they're watching The Dewey Cox Show
Copy !req
977. on Thursday nights at 8:00,
right after the local news.
Copy !req
978. And, uh, I just wanted to say
to everyone out there
Copy !req
979. I'm no longer mainlining acid
or smoking PCP.
Copy !req
980. It's official.
Copy !req
981. Um, okay. Why don't we, uh,
lighten it up just a bit here?
Copy !req
982. Tell me, you're so busy, Dewey Cox, do
you have time to stop and smell the roses?
Copy !req
983. I've got no fucking sense of smell.
Copy !req
984. All right, I'm done.
Copy !req
985. Come on, now, folks.
Do a little research.
Copy !req
986. That would've been
nice information to have. Yeah.
Copy !req
987. Yeah.
Copy !req
988. Nate? Dewey.
Copy !req
989. You were supposed to be
double great for the both of us.
Copy !req
990. What the fuck is this bullshit?
Copy !req
991. I know.
All I'm asking
Copy !req
992. is that you write one masterpiece
Copy !req
993. that is the culmination
of your entire life.
Copy !req
994. How hard is that?
Copy !req
995. I'm empty, Nate. What do I do?
Copy !req
996. Dewey, who's the one person in
your life who's made you feel like shit?
Copy !req
997. You need to talk to him, Dewey.
Copy !req
998. I don't know.
You need to hug him.
Copy !req
999. I have been putting this off
my entire life,
Copy !req
1000. but I think you might be right.
Copy !req
1001. Hello, Pa.
Copy !req
1002. What do you want?
Copy !req
1003. I feel like there's some
things I need to say to you.
Copy !req
1004. Well, go on. Talk.
Copy !req
1005. I've realised that...
Copy !req
1006. I never really said I was sorry
for what happened with Nate.
Copy !req
1007. Pa, I've spent my entire life
Copy !req
1008. trying to find love with wives
Copy !req
1009. and hotel clerks
Copy !req
1010. and tollbooth attendants
Copy !req
1011. and giraffes and monkeys and trampolines
Copy !req
1012. and men who dress like women
and men who look like you.
Copy !req
1013. And I realised the only person
I've ever really wanted to love me
Copy !req
1014. was you, Pa.
Copy !req
1015. Dewey, I don't know what to say.
Copy !req
1016. You don't have to say anything, Pa.
Copy !req
1017. I just wanted to come here
and tell you that I loved you
Copy !req
1018. and I always have.
Copy !req
1019. I appreciate you finding the
courage to say that, Dewey.
Copy !req
1020. But there's only one way to settle this.
Copy !req
1021. Machetes.
What?
Copy !req
1022. The right kid is gonna die tonight.
Copy !req
1023. You've been practicing!
Copy !req
1024. Oh! Ow!
Copy !req
1025. No, Pa. No!
Copy !req
1026. I been waiting for this for a long time!
Copy !req
1027. You have?
Copy !req
1028. Oh, no.
Copy !req
1029. Oh, my goodness!
Copy !req
1030. I halved myself.
Copy !req
1031. Pa! No, Pa!
Copy !req
1032. Dewey, I guess I never
realised until this moment
Copy !req
1033. just how easy it is to
accidentally cut someone in half.
Copy !req
1034. It is, right?
Copy !req
1035. I'm sorry for blaming you, Dewey.
Copy !req
1036. Of course you didn't mean
to cut Nate in half.
Copy !req
1037. It's all so obvious now.
Copy !req
1038. Pa.
Copy !req
1039. I should've been a better father
to you, Dewey.
Copy !req
1040. I wish I spent more time
playing catch with you
Copy !req
1041. and less time training my body and
mind to kill you in a machete fight.
Copy !req
1042. You be a better father than I was, Dewey.
Copy !req
1043. I'll try, Pa.
Copy !req
1044. It shouldn't be that hard.
Copy !req
1045. In case I don't make it...
Copy !req
1046. Pa! You're gonna make it!
It's the 1970s!
Copy !req
1047. They got all kinds of new procedures
that can attach tops to bottoms now!
Copy !req
1048. Hang in there!
Dewey, I love...
Copy !req
1049. I love...
Copy !req
1050. You love what?
Copy !req
1051. Pa, you love what?
Copy !req
1052. Come on, one more word!
Copy !req
1053. No!
Copy !req
1054. Dad?
Copy !req
1055. Yes, what is it, son?
Copy !req
1056. I was just wondering
if you wanna have a catch.
Copy !req
1057. A catch?
Copy !req
1058. Son,
Copy !req
1059. there is nothing in this world
I want more
Copy !req
1060. than to have a catch with you.
Copy !req
1061. Son, forgive me,
this is going to sound strange,
Copy !req
1062. but what is your name again?
Copy !req
1063. I'm Dewey Junior, but my
friends call me "Dewdrop."
Copy !req
1064. Well...
Copy !req
1065. It's nice to formally meet you, Dewdrop.
Copy !req
1066. So this is catch.
Copy !req
1067. This is what I been missing out
on all them years on the road, huh?
Copy !req
1068. I like it, it's wonderful. You throw
it to me, I throw it back to you.
Copy !req
1069. It's so simple, and yet so powerful.
Copy !req
1070. Boy, you're really terrible at this game.
Copy !req
1071. Well, I mean, you never really
played with me before.
Copy !req
1072. How am I supposed to learn?
A boy needs a dad.
Copy !req
1073. Yes, he does.
Copy !req
1074. Well, I reckon we got some
lost time to make up, you and me.
Copy !req
1075. And all your brothers and sisters
too. How many of you are there now?
Copy !req
1076. Twenty-two brothers and sisters. And
also 14 half-brothers and half-sisters.
Copy !req
1077. Holy shit.
Copy !req
1078. This may take a while.
Copy !req
1079. That's real good.
Copy !req
1080. So beautiful.
Copy !req
1081. Are you sure you're one of mine?
Copy !req
1082. Go ahead and taste some dirt.
Copy !req
1083. That's good dirt. That's good dirt.
Copy !req
1084. On the surface, Macbeth is about revenge.
Copy !req
1085. But what is the subtext?
Copy !req
1086. A power struggle for the Scottish
royal family, that's what it is.
Copy !req
1087. I just gave you it.
That one's a mulligan.
Copy !req
1088. Yeah.
Copy !req
1089. Hello, Dewey.
Copy !req
1090. Darlene.
Copy !req
1091. It's Dewina's birthday. I brought
her a present. It's a bracelet.
Copy !req
1092. How's Glen Campbell?
Copy !req
1093. He and I split up a long time ago.
Copy !req
1094. Really?
Copy !req
1095. It's just me these days.
Copy !req
1096. At age 50.
Copy !req
1097. Would you care to take a walk
with me, Darlene Madison?
Copy !req
1098. Well, I haven't been playing too
much music the last few years.
Copy !req
1099. I realise now I wasn't much of a
father when I was out on the road.
Copy !req
1100. Now this is what makes me happy.
Copy !req
1101. Not the music, not getting high,
Copy !req
1102. just my family.
Copy !req
1103. That's all I care about.
Copy !req
1104. And that family is missing
one piece, Darlene.
Copy !req
1105. My God, you're as beautiful
as the day I met you.
Copy !req
1106. You don't want this dirty old Cox.
Copy !req
1107. Oh, I want it more than ever.
Copy !req
1108. Did you wash your hair today?
Copy !req
1109. I sure did. How could you tell?
Copy !req
1110. It smells terrific.
Copy !req
1111. I smelt it.
Copy !req
1112. You mean...?
Copy !req
1113. I smelt it!
Copy !req
1114. I can smell again!
Copy !req
1115. I smelt it!
Copy !req
1116. I smell you.
Smell it.
Copy !req
1117. Oh, you've been driving a while.
Copy !req
1118. I smelt it! I smelt it!
Copy !req
1119. I smelt it, God!
Copy !req
1120. It's a miracle!
Copy !req
1121. I smell you, flowers.
Copy !req
1122. I smell you, twig.
Copy !req
1123. I smell horseshit!
Copy !req
1124. It's horrible!
Copy !req
1125. - But I can smell it!
- Smell that shit, baby!
Copy !req
1126. I smelt it.
Copy !req
1127. Oh.
Copy !req
1128. Anyway, that's when I learned
Copy !req
1129. that Quaaludes and
water-skiing do not mix.
Copy !req
1130. Now, you remember that.
Copy !req
1131. How come you did all
of that stuff, Grandpa?
Copy !req
1132. Well, Dewey Rahim, I'll tell you.
I was young and stupid then.
Copy !req
1133. I didn't understand a lot of things.
Copy !req
1134. Think it had to do with how
I was reared as a boy.
Copy !req
1135. But, you know, I got no complaints.
Copy !req
1136. It's been a beautiful ride.
Copy !req
1137. A beautiful ride?
Copy !req
1138. A beautiful ride.
Copy !req
1139. Dewey, sweetheart,
there's someone here to see you.
Copy !req
1140. Mr. Cox.
Copy !req
1141. I'm sorry, have we met?
Copy !req
1142. You worked with my father,
Kvetch L'Chaim.
Copy !req
1143. You're Mr. L'Chaim's boy?
Copy !req
1144. Dreidel L'Chaim, that's me.
Copy !req
1145. Well, it's nice to see you again,
Dreidel L'Chaim.
Copy !req
1146. The pleasure's all mine.
Copy !req
1147. Listen, Mr. Cox, there's
something I want to show you.
Copy !req
1148. Mr. L'Chaim, how could you
allow them to do such a thing
Copy !req
1149. with my husband's music?
Copy !req
1150. Through the roof, we're selling.
Copy !req
1151. Lil' Nutzzak.
That's the rapper. Sweet kid.
Copy !req
1152. Anyway, he's introduced
a whole new generation
Copy !req
1153. to the magic of Dewey Cox.
Copy !req
1154. You could even play together. Cox
and Lil' Nutzzak. What a package.
Copy !req
1155. Anyway, as if that was not enough,
Copy !req
1156. they're gonna give Dewey the
Lifetime Achievement Award next month.
Copy !req
1157. The Lifetime Achievement Award?
Copy !req
1158. Baby, that's wonderful.
Copy !req
1159. You go on TV, they give you the award,
you play a song, it's a magical thing.
Copy !req
1160. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I can't go on TV and play.
Copy !req
1161. - What? Why not?
- Why, Grandpa?
Copy !req
1162. Hell, I'm 71 years old. I don't
even know if I can rock no more.
Copy !req
1163. Of course you can rock, sweetheart.
Copy !req
1164. Of course you can rock, sweetheart.
Copy !req
1165. Well, I don't know that I can rock.
Copy !req
1166. And besides that...
Copy !req
1167. I gave that life up for a reason.
Copy !req
1168. I'm afraid of the temptations, Darlene.
Copy !req
1169. You can do it, Dewey.
I know you can.
Copy !req
1170. Just go out there and sing your song.
Copy !req
1171. I'm gonna need my band.
Copy !req
1172. My hip.
Copy !req
1173. Ladies and gentlemen,
Copy !req
1174. please welcome Jewel, Lyle Lovett
and Jackson Browne.
Copy !req
1175. Hi.
Hey there.
Copy !req
1176. Hello.
Copy !req
1177. Oh, he is so cute.
Copy !req
1178. What are you doing later, Dewey?
Copy !req
1179. I am returning to the hotel
with my family.
Copy !req
1180. Good night to you.
Copy !req
1181. He fucked my grandma.
Copy !req
1182. That's awesome.
Copy !req
1183. Ghostface Killah.
Copy !req
1184. Oh, no. You're adorable.
Copy !req
1185. Sam. What are y'all doing in here?
Copy !req
1186. Dewey, get out of here.
You don't want no part of this shit.
Copy !req
1187. What is it?
Copy !req
1188. It's a medication
for erectile dysfunction.
Copy !req
1189. It gives you a boner.
Copy !req
1190. Not to be used if you have
a preexisting heart condition.
Copy !req
1191. If boners last for more than
four hours, call more ladies.
Copy !req
1192. Well, that does sound tempting.
Copy !req
1193. But do you know what, Sam? I
really don't want no part of that shit.
Copy !req
1194. Did you hear what I said?
It gives you a boner.
Copy !req
1195. Hate to let you down, old friend,
Copy !req
1196. but I don't wanna succumb
to the temptations.
Copy !req
1197. Ah! The Temptations!
Copy !req
1198. We heard him sing about walking hard,
Copy !req
1199. and we learned a little something
about how we wanted to walk.
Copy !req
1200. What do we think about
when we think about Cox?
Copy !req
1201. He's been called the Drifter.
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1202. Also the Shape Shifter, the
Master Chef, the Chameleon.
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1203. The Problem Child.
The Hard One.
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1204. The White Indian.
The Giant Midget.
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1205. If Elvis and Buddy Holly are
the Cain and Abel of rock 'n" roll,
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1206. and Bruce Springsteen is Zechariah,
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1207. Iggy Pop is Methuselah,
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1208. and, of course, Neil Young
is the wise prophet Ezekiel,
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1209. then what does that make Dewey Cox?
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1210. Well, I don't know what God...
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1211. Um, Mr. Cox?
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1212. I don't wanna rush him,
but he goes on in a minute.
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1213. Shh.
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1214. Ladies and gentlemen,
it is my great honor to introduce
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1215. for the first time on-stage in 25 years,
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1216. performing his final masterpiece
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1217. that will sum up his entire life...
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1218. Mr. Cox?
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1219. the one, the only...
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1220. I'm ready.
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1221. Mr. Dewey Cox.
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1222. Thank you very much for
that, ladies and gentlemen.
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1223. You'll forgive me if I'm a bit rusty.
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1224. This is the first song I've written
in a very long time.
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1225. I hope you enjoy it.
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