1. Mr. Cox?Copy !req
2. Mr. Cox?Copy !req
3. Mr. Cox?Copy !req
4. Guys, I need Cox.Copy !req
5. He goes on in two minutes
and I can't find him.Copy !req
6. Mr. Cox.Copy !req
7. Mr. Cox?Copy !req
8. You're gonna have to
give him a moment, son.Copy !req
9. Dewey Cox needs to think about
his entire life before he plays.Copy !req
10. Come on, Nate, let's go play.Copy !req
11. I can't, Dewey. I gotta practice.Copy !req
12. You can't practice all the time,
Nate. You're already perfect.Copy !req
13. All right. Come on,
Dewey, let's go play!Copy !req
14. - Today's gonna be the best day ever!
- Yeah!Copy !req
15. Ain't nothing horrible
gonna happen today.Copy !req
16. What do you wanna be
when you grow up, Dewey?Copy !req
17. I don't know. Never really
thunk about it before.Copy !req
18. When I grow up, I'm
gonna be a great composer.Copy !req
19. And a professional baseball player.Copy !req
20. Then I'm gonna be an astronaut,
and I'm gonna go to the moon.Copy !req
21. There's nothing I won't do
with this long, long life of mine.Copy !req
22. For sure.Copy !req
23. That's what's great about being young.
There's so much time to do great things.Copy !req
24. Let's go play!Copy !req
25. My turn!Copy !req
26. I got him! I got him!Copy !req
27. Catch!Copy !req
28. Chicken!Copy !req
29. Yee-haw!Copy !req
30. I challenge you to a duel, sir.Copy !req
31. I don't know, Nate.Copy !req
32. You know how mad Pa gets
when we play with his machetes.Copy !req
33. Come on, Dewey. There's nothing
wrong with a little machete-fighting.Copy !req
34. Now, en garde!Copy !req
35. Do you yield, sir?
Never!Copy !req
36. Prepare to meet your maker.Copy !req
37. Dewey!
Nate!Copy !req
38. I'm... I'm... I'm halved!Copy !req
39. Oh, we should've listened to Pa.Copy !req
40. Dewey, I'm cut in half pretty bad.Copy !req
41. In case I don't make it, then
you'll have to be double greatCopy !req
42. for the both of us.Copy !req
43. Wow, that's a lot of pressure, Nate.Copy !req
44. You can handle it, Dewey.
Now, run, get Pa!Copy !req
45. Holy shit.Copy !req
46. This was a particularly bad case
of somebody being cut in half.Copy !req
47. I was not able to reattach
the top half of his bodyCopy !req
48. to the bottom half of his body.Copy !req
49. Speak English, doc!
We ain't scientists.Copy !req
50. I'm sorry, folks. He's gone.Copy !req
51. No. Oh, no!Copy !req
52. Oh, my God.Copy !req
53. Dear God. Oh, Dewey.Copy !req
54. It's all your fault, Dewey Cox.Copy !req
55. Oh, Pa, you don't mean that.
It's not his fault.Copy !req
56. He cut him in half with a machete.Copy !req
57. No.Copy !req
58. You. You're not half
the boy that Nate was.Copy !req
59. You're not even half the boy
that the top half of Nate wasCopy !req
60. after you cut him in half.Copy !req
61. So you're saying I'm less than
a quarter of the boy Nate was?Copy !req
62. The wrong kid died.Copy !req
63. Ma, I can't smell anything.Copy !req
64. You can't smell anything?Copy !req
65. I think I lost my sense of smell.Copy !req
66. You gone smell-blind, son.Copy !req
67. It'll pass, Dewey.Copy !req
68. Now, you run on down to the
country store and get us some butter.Copy !req
69. And a candle.Copy !req
70. We're gonna light us a candle tonight.Copy !req
71. I've never heard no music
like that before.Copy !req
72. It's so sad.Copy !req
73. That's why it's called the blues, boy.Copy !req
74. I think I'd like to play me some blues.Copy !req
75. Ain't no 6-year-old boy understand
the true meaning of the blues.Copy !req
76. I reckon I might.Copy !req
77. You play the guitar?Copy !req
78. Never have before.
But I'm a real fast learner.Copy !req
79. Well, go ahead.Copy !req
80. You put your finger right up there.
Place your hands here. That's it.Copy !req
81. That's the G chord.Copy !req
82. Now hit the strings with your other hand.Copy !req
83. That's it.
There you go.Copy !req
84. Yeah, just like that.Copy !req
85. It's not bad for your first time.Copy !req
86. You can do it, Dewey.
You'll be double great.Copy !req
87. For the both of us.Copy !req
88. Dewey?Copy !req
89. Dewey.Copy !req
90. Dewey?Copy !req
91. Mama, you made it!Copy !req
92. There's my favourite 14-year-old son.Copy !req
93. Oh, no. Come on, now.
Not in front of the fellas.Copy !req
94. Howdy, boys.Copy !req
95. Howdy, Mrs. Cox.Copy !req
96. I just wanted to say break a leg.Copy !req
97. I know you boys are gonna
play a real good song.Copy !req
98. Oh, thanks, Ma.Copy !req
99. I'm just so proud you learned
to play the guitar so good.Copy !req
100. Without even having a sense of smell.Copy !req
101. It's all right now, Mama.
I learned how to play by ear.Copy !req
102. You just go out there and
sing your heart out, you hear?Copy !req
103. I will, Mama.Copy !req
104. How we gonna follow that?Copy !req
105. Delilah Montgomery, everybody.Copy !req
106. - Delilah Montgomery.
- Very nice!Copy !req
107. And now sophomore Dewey
Cox is gonna sing us a song.Copy !req
108. So, ladies and germs...Copy !req
109. I know, I know.Copy !req
110. Please welcome Dewey Cox
and the Dewey Cox Four.Copy !req
111. Hi. My name's Dewey Cox.Copy !req
112. And this is a little song I
wrote called "Take My Hand."Copy !req
113. I sure hope you like it.Copy !req
114. The wrong kid died, goddamn it.Copy !req
115. Shh!Copy !req
116. This music is an outrage!Copy !req
117. It's the devil's music!Copy !req
118. You're going to hell!Copy !req
119. Blasphemer!Copy !req
120. That's it. I want you
out of this house, boy.Copy !req
121. You heard the preacher.
PalCopy !req
122. You think we don't know
what you're talking aboutCopy !req
123. when you say "take my hand"?Copy !req
124. What do you mean?
It's about holding hands.Copy !req
125. You watch your mouth.Copy !req
126. You know who's got hands?
The devil.Copy !req
127. And he uses them for holding.Copy !req
128. I ain't got no room in my house
for no devil's spawn.Copy !req
129. Oh, you be careful now, you hear?
Before you go and say somethingCopy !req
130. you're gonna regret
for the rest of your days.Copy !req
131. Like what?
Like "the wrong kid died"?Copy !req
132. Oh, no! No!Copy !req
133. It's okay. It's okay,
Mama, settle down.Copy !req
134. Pa's right.Copy !req
135. Springberry ain't big
enough for me no more.Copy !req
136. I reckon it's time for
Dewey Cox to move on.Copy !req
137. But you're only 14.Copy !req
138. Mama, I love you.Copy !req
139. But I don't need nobody.Copy !req
140. All I need is my music.Copy !req
141. I seen my path today,
and I'm gonna take it.Copy !req
142. And someday, I'll make my masterpiece,Copy !req
143. and you'll all be proud of me.Copy !req
144. Just like you were of Nate.Copy !req
145. Can I come, Dewey?Copy !req
146. Of course you can, Edith.
You're my girlfriend.Copy !req
147. I am?
Yeah, silly.Copy !req
148. I pointed at you in the audience.Copy !req
149. Did you hear that? I'm
Dewey's 12-year-old girlfriend!Copy !req
150. You're the most talented man
I've ever seen in my whole life.Copy !req
151. And you will never get anything but
unconditional love and support from meCopy !req
152. for you and your dreams
the rest of my life.Copy !req
153. Well, then, go on.
Get out of this house.Copy !req
154. Before I cut your dreams in
half like you cut mine in half.Copy !req
155. Goodbye, Pa.Copy !req
156. Just wait till you see what happens now.Copy !req
157. Here we go.Copy !req
158. Yeah, baby. Wrap it up right there.Copy !req
159. My name is Bobby Shad
and these are the Bad Men.Copy !req
160. We gonna take a short break,
then we be right backCopy !req
161. to rock till the morning light,
all right?Copy !req
162. Mr. Shad! Mr. Shad!
Wow, that was really great.Copy !req
163. Hey, I play a little guitar.
And if you ever need...Copy !req
164. Dewey!
Yes, sir?Copy !req
165. I pay you to mop the floor,
not bother the band.Copy !req
166. My customers come here to dance erotically,
and they need a clean floor to do it on!Copy !req
167. Now, you gonna do your job
or I'll find somebody who will.Copy !req
168. Yes, sir.Copy !req
169. Dewey, will you cut out that
racket? I'm trying to feed your child!Copy !req
170. How am I supposed to make it as a
famous musician if I don't practice?Copy !req
171. Will you stop talking about that music?Copy !req
172. But it's my dream, baby.Copy !req
173. Daddy said that if we move back home,Copy !req
174. he could give you a permanent
job at the slaughterhouse.Copy !req
175. You can make an honest living.Copy !req
176. Wouldn't have to hang your head in shame,
walking around like some kind of a failure.Copy !req
177. I think I'm doing okay for a
15-year-old with a wife and a baby.Copy !req
178. Ain't no musician ever made
no money, Dewey.Copy !req
179. Edith, I am starting to thinkCopy !req
180. that maybe you don't believe in me.Copy !req
181. I do believe in you.Copy !req
182. I just know you're gonna fail.Copy !req
183. What are you talking about, Edith?
What about my dreams?Copy !req
184. Edith, I told you,
I can't build you a candy house!Copy !req
185. It will fall down! The sun will
melt the candy! It won't work!Copy !req
186. It will if it never rains.Copy !req
187. Now, you listen to me. I am
gonna make this dream come true.Copy !req
188. Nobody ever said it's gonna be easy.Copy !req
189. It's hard.Copy !req
190. It ain't easy to walk
to the top of a mountain.Copy !req
191. It's a long, hard walk.Copy !req
192. It's a rocky road.Copy !req
193. But I plan on walking.Copy !req
194. Oh, I'm gonna walk.Copy !req
195. Hard.Copy !req
196. I will walk hard.Copy !req
197. Walk hard.Copy !req
198. I got a full house coming tonight.Copy !req
199. If Bobby Shad can't play
I need to find someone who can.Copy !req
200. I'm fine. I can play
through the pain.Copy !req
201. Maybe you should've thought about thisCopy !req
202. before you punched your
landlord while you got the laryngitis.Copy !req
203. I guess there's just
no music tonight, boss.Copy !req
204. Bullhickey! People come here
to dance erotically!Copy !req
205. I ain't got no music,
I ain't got no nightclub.Copy !req
206. Excuse me.Copy !req
207. I play a little.Copy !req
208. I don't know how to tell you this, boy.Copy !req
209. You're white.
This crowd will eat you alive.Copy !req
210. I been watching Mr. Shad
every night. I know all the songs.Copy !req
211. It'll be the same show.Copy !req
212. It'll be just like Bobby Shad and
the Bad Men, only it'll be me tonight.Copy !req
213. This is crazy.Copy !req
214. But I ain't got no other choice.Copy !req
215. I don't mean to put more
pressure on you, boy.Copy !req
216. The suits from the record company
just got here.Copy !req
217. Oh, okay.Copy !req
218. Scared?Copy !req
219. A little.
Well, you should be.Copy !req
220. Those Jews control show business.Copy !req
221. Just lay it down exactly like Bobby does.Copy !req
222. Good evening. We're Bobby Shad
and the Bad Men. I'm Dewey Cox.Copy !req
223. Bobby Shad couldn't be here tonight
so I'm gonna do his show for you.Copy !req
224. And I hope you enjoy it.Copy !req
225. This first song
we're fitting to do is, uh...Copy !req
226. Well, it's about, uh...Copy !req
227. It's about when your woman catches you.Copy !req
228. You know, she catches you
running around townCopy !req
229. getting into all kinds of strange.Copy !req
230. And she says, "Son, get your lazy,
two-timing, Negro ass up out of here."Copy !req
231. And you say to her:
What's he doing? You see that?Copy !req
232. I like what you did out there tonight.
Have you ever made a recording?Copy !req
233. Oh, Mr. L'Chaim, Mr. Mazeltov,
that's been my dream.Copy !req
234. He's not the one you want.
I'm the one you want.Copy !req
235. I think he's the one we want.
He's got a nice thing.Copy !req
236. He's not so bad with the singing and
the playing and the shaking of the tochis.Copy !req
237. I think you've got what it
takes to make it in the big time.Copy !req
238. The big time?Copy !req
239. What the hell is this?Copy !req
240. Pizza pie.
What's in a pizza pie?Copy !req
241. All right. Hold, please.
Stop that. Stop your singing!Copy !req
242. Stop your singing this
instant, young man!Copy !req
243. I will not have this in my studio!Copy !req
244. Uh, maybe it was a wrong song choice?Copy !req
245. If you would just let me play one of my songs that
I wrote, I think you'll like it a whole lot better.Copy !req
246. And there is nothing that you can doCopy !req
247. here in this room
that can turn that around.Copy !req
248. Nothing you can do that can make up
for what you just did to "That's Amore."Copy !req
249. Well, my mother liked it a whole lot.
Your mother was wrong.Copy !req
250. I was willing to open my mindCopy !req
251. because these Jewish gentlemen
brought you in here.Copy !req
252. They usually have good taste.Copy !req
253. And now here you are in front
of me pretending you can sing.Copy !req
254. And I have to say that todayCopy !req
255. your performance has shaken
my belief in the Jewish people.Copy !req
256. Well, there's nothing
I would like more, sir,Copy !req
257. than to restore your faith in Judaism right
now, if you could just give me that shot.Copy !req
258. But I'll tell you, you have failed so far, and
if somehow you are able to sing a song now,Copy !req
259. bringing these boys together
you haven't even met,Copy !req
260. and make something So personal, so new,Copy !req
261. that the whole world takes notice,Copy !req
262. and that your life
is never the same again...Copy !req
263. But I'm telling you right now, I
don't think it's going to happen.Copy !req
264. Wait, wait, wait. We're here
already. What could it possibly hurt?Copy !req
265. L'Chaim, I'll do it for you.
But just one more song.Copy !req
266. All right.Copy !req
267. All right, son. I'm gonna
give you 15 more seconds.Copy !req
268. Thank you, sir.
I hope you won't regret it.Copy !req
269. Dewey, we don't know this song.Copy !req
270. You just follow me.Copy !req
271. I don't know.Copy !req
272. Walk hard?Copy !req
273. Here is America's new hit song,
"Walk Hard,"Copy !req
274. recorded just 35 minutes ago
by Dewey Cox.Copy !req
275. He walks so hard.Copy !req
276. How do I walk, boys?Copy !req
277. Hello.
A monkey!Copy !req
278. Oh, hey, Shorty.
Hello, my darling.Copy !req
279. I sang a song at a circus in New Jersey.Copy !req
280. They said,
"We'll give you 5 grand."Copy !req
281. I said, "No, you won't.
You'll give me that giraffe."Copy !req
282. They did. They gave it right to me.
That is one beautiful giraffe.Copy !req
283. Thank you.Copy !req
284. It'll just be a few weeks, Edith.Copy !req
285. Who's gonna help
me take care of the children?Copy !req
286. Dewey, you have got to
give up this dream.Copy !req
287. You're never gonna make it.
Give it up, Dewey.Copy !req
288. What are you talking about?
I got a number one hit on the radio.Copy !req
289. I mean, I'm playing my music
for people who wanna hear me.Copy !req
290. It's everything we always wanted, Edith.Copy !req
291. I never get to see you anymore.
Your kids never get to see you.Copy !req
292. I don't know how to tell you this.Copy !req
293. I'm gonna miss some things, okay?Copy !req
294. I'm gonna miss some
birthdays and some christenings.Copy !req
295. I'm gonna miss some
births, period. Okay?Copy !req
296. Just unrealistic to think I'm gonna be
here for every time you have a baby.Copy !req
297. But aren't you happy?
You have a beautiful new home.Copy !req
298. All your fancy new clothes and
your monkey and your giraffe.Copy !req
299. Look, what else you need?Copy !req
300. How about I get you
a crow that could talk?Copy !req
301. And I'll teach him phrases that
I say. "Good morning, honey."Copy !req
302. But it'll be a little crow talking.
This ain't about no exotic pets!Copy !req
303. It's about love,
you stupid piece of shit.Copy !req
304. Dewey.Copy !req
305. Hello, baby!Copy !req
306. Yeah, this is the Big Bopper speaking.Copy !req
307. Oh, you sweet thing.Copy !req
308. Do I what?Copy !req
309. How are we supposed to follow that?Copy !req
310. Don't worry, Dewey, you'll do great.Copy !req
311. Thanks, Buddy Holly.
If you don't, I'll pick it right back up.Copy !req
312. - You got nothing to worry about.
- Oh, thank you.Copy !req
313. Man, I'm awful nervous, Buddy Holly.Copy !req
314. Dewey, you'll be fine,
or my name's not Buddy Holly.Copy !req
315. Hey, guys. Change of plans. Elvis wants
to get out of here early. He's hungry.Copy !req
316. So we're gonna change the order. After
the Big Bopper, it's gonna be Buddy Holly,Copy !req
317. then Elvis Presley,
and then you, Dewey Cox.Copy !req
318. So it's the Big Bopper,Copy !req
319. and then Buddy Holly,Copy !req
320. and then Elvis Presley, and then me?Copy !req
321. Yeah. Just for tonight.Copy !req
322. Well, I'm just happy to be here.Copy !req
323. Elvis!Copy !req
324. Ladies.Copy !req
325. Dang, Elvis Presley, you didn't
have to rile them up like that.Copy !req
326. What, now?Copy !req
327. No, I'm... Excuse me, what?Copy !req
328. I'm just saying,
we gotta follow that and...Copy !req
329. Listen to this, right now. There's
two things you need to know.Copy !req
330. I'm the King.
And number two is:Copy !req
331. Look out, man! Look at that
coming at you. You see that?Copy !req
332. It's called karate, man, and
only two kinds of people know it.Copy !req
333. The Chinese and the King.Copy !req
334. And one of them is me.Copy !req
335. You're the King.Copy !req
336. Come on, man...Copy !req
337. Look out, man!Copy !req
338. Well, thanks, Elvis.Copy !req
339. Let's go. Come on, mama.Copy !req
340. What the fuck was he talking about?Copy !req
341. How y'all doing?
My name's Dewey Cox.Copy !req
342. Hey, listen, folks. I'd like to play a
song I wrote for a very special lady.Copy !req
343. I'm talking about
Mrs. Dewey Cox.Copy !req
344. Wow, great playing, boys.Copy !req
345. The fillies love you, Dewey.Copy !req
346. Yeah, if I wasn't a married man with a good
head on my shoulders, I don't know what I'd do.Copy !req
347. You gotta get back out there,
Dewey. They are going crazy.Copy !req
348. Let me splash some water
on my face. I'll be right back.Copy !req
349. Okay. Hurry up!Copy !req
350. Golly, that rock 'n' roll. Ha!Copy !req
351. Get out of here, Dewey.
What are y'all doing in here?Copy !req
352. We're smoking reefer, and
you don't want no part of this shit.Copy !req
353. You're smoking reefers?Copy !req
354. Yeah, of course we are.
Can't you smell it?Copy !req
355. No, Sam, I can't.Copy !req
356. Come on, Dewey, join the party.Copy !req
357. No, Dewey, you don't
want this. Get out of here!Copy !req
358. You know what? I don't want no
hangover. I can't get no hangover.Copy !req
359. It doesn't give you a hangover.Copy !req
360. Will I get addicted to it or something?Copy !req
361. It's not habit-forming.Copy !req
362. Oh, okay, well...Copy !req
363. I don't know.
I don't wanna overdose on it.Copy !req
364. You can't OD on it.Copy !req
365. It's not gonna make me
wanna have sex, is it?Copy !req
366. It makes sex even better.Copy !req
367. Sounds kind of expensive.Copy !req
368. It's the cheapest drug there is.Copy !req
369. You don't want it.
Hm.Copy !req
370. I think I kind of want it.Copy !req
371. Okay, but just this once.
Come on in.Copy !req
372. What do I do?
Like this.Copy !req
373. Oh, my.Copy !req
374. Well, the tour's going real great, baby.Copy !req
375. Yeah, we're having a real nice time.Copy !req
376. Yeah, the boys have been playing great,Copy !req
377. and the audiences have been
just wonderful, so...Copy !req
378. When you coming home, Dewey?
Soon, baby, real soon.Copy !req
379. We gotta hit the major markets in the Northeast,
and then hit Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland...Copy !req
380. Dewey, could you shut up? I'm trying to
have sex with these women down here.Copy !req
381. Who's that?Copy !req
382. Oh, that's, uh...
That's Sam.Copy !req
383. He's just looking for his drumsticks.
Howdy.Copy !req
384. Excuse me.Copy !req
385. Anyway, baby, you don't wanna hear about
all this boring stuff. How was your day?Copy !req
386. Oh, you know,
just taking care of the kids.Copy !req
387. Went down to Wilson's Market
the other dayCopy !req
388. to pick up some milk. You'd never
guess. They were completely out of milk.Copy !req
389. Hey, Dewey?
Yes, Bert?Copy !req
390. You want a cup of coffee or something?Copy !req
391. No, thank you.Copy !req
392. Who's that?
Oh, that's just Bert, my roadie.Copy !req
393. Just wants to know if I want any
coffee or anything like that. You know.Copy !req
394. Dewey, there's a distance growing
between us, I feel, and I don't like it.Copy !req
395. Oh, now, that is crazy talk, Edith.Copy !req
396. Come on, you know
I'm just the same old Dewey.Copy !req
397. Hey, Dewey.
Yes, Bert?Copy !req
398. You seen my sandals?Copy !req
399. I don't know.
I'm talking to my wife, Bert.Copy !req
400. Baby, there's somebody
at the door. Listen, I gotta go.Copy !req
401. Can I call you when I get to New Jersey?Copy !req
402. Okay. Bye, Dewey.Copy !req
403. I love you.
All right.Copy !req
404. I love you.
I love you.Copy !req
405. You're never gonna make it, okay?
Okay, bye.Copy !req
406. Bye.Copy !req
407. Dewey.
Pa.Copy !req
408. What are you doing here?Copy !req
409. It's about your mama.Copy !req
410. Ma? What about her? Is she okay?Copy !req
411. We better step out into the hall.Copy !req
412. What happened?
I'll tell you what happened.Copy !req
413. We were readying for bed when
your song comes on the radio.Copy !req
414. It's Dewey!Copy !req
415. Your son is talented.
You should be proud.Copy !req
416. Well, I must admit, it is kind of catchy.Copy !req
417. Dance with me, Pa.Copy !req
418. It does make you kind of
wanna move, doesn't it?Copy !req
419. It sure does.Copy !req
420. Maybe I have been
kind of hard on little Dewey.Copy !req
421. Maybe you have.Copy !req
422. Whoo.Copy !req
423. Be careful, Ma.Copy !req
424. - You all right, Ma?
- I'm all right.Copy !req
425. She lost her balanceCopy !req
426. and fell out the window,Copy !req
427. and then the radio crushed her head?Copy !req
428. While she was dancing to your song.Copy !req
429. I thought you should know
what your music does.Copy !req
430. It kills people.Copy !req
431. You made her happy, and it killed her.Copy !req
432. If Nate was alive, this
never would have happened.Copy !req
433. Wrong kid died.Copy !req
434. Get out of here, Dewey.
What are y'all doing in here?Copy !req
435. It's called cocaine, and you
don't want no part of this shit.Copy !req
436. Cocaine?Copy !req
437. What's it do?Copy !req
438. It turns all your bad feelings
into good feelings.Copy !req
439. It's a nightmare.Copy !req
440. I'm thinking maybe I'd like to
try me some of that cocaine.Copy !req
441. All right, again. Faster.Copy !req
442. This is crazy, Dewey. Ain't nobody
gonna wanna listen to music like this.Copy !req
443. You're standing there
playing as fast as you can,Copy !req
444. singing like some sort of punk.Copy !req
445. Don't you dare try to stifle me.Copy !req
446. Whose band is this anyway,
you cocksucker!Copy !req
447. I'll punch you in the mouth!Copy !req
448. Oh, God. I'm sorry, Dave.Copy !req
449. No, I didn't mean that.Copy !req
450. Just with my mama dying and
all, I'm just all twisted up inside.Copy !req
451. Mr. Cox?Copy !req
452. I heard you were looking for a new
backup singer. For your new duet.Copy !req
453. You heard right.Copy !req
454. I was wondering if you
might like to give me a try.Copy !req
455. I reckon I might.Copy !req
456. I've been singing in my
church choir since I was a girl.Copy !req
457. I like the sound of that.Copy !req
458. Darlene Madison.Copy !req
459. Dewey Cox.Copy !req
460. Hello, Darlene.Copy !req
461. Hello, Mr. Cox.Copy !req
462. You ready to sing one?Copy !req
463. I'm always ready.Copy !req
464. Well, all right.Copy !req
465. Uh!Copy !req
466. Dewey Cox! I am not
that kind of woman.Copy !req
467. Al right.
Well,Copy !req
468. that doesn't mean
that we still can't be friends.Copy !req
469. Okay.Copy !req
470. Well, then, here's to us
being great friends.Copy !req
471. I can't! We're friends!Copy !req
472. Darlene, these last three weeks have beenCopy !req
473. so full and wonderful.Copy !req
474. We've shared so many
activities together as good friends.Copy !req
475. It's like you understand me
the way nobody else ever has.Copy !req
476. I mean, if I...Copy !req
477. What is it, Dewey?
I... I don't know.Copy !req
478. It's nothing. I'm fine.Copy !req
479. Nothing? You look like
you seen a ghost.Copy !req
480. I got a lot of pain in me, Darlene.Copy !req
481. You should know that.Copy !req
482. Where does all that pain
come from, Dewey?Copy !req
483. Did you ever have something
that you really lovedCopy !req
484. that you accidentally...Copy !req
485. killed, or hurt in some way,
with a machete?Copy !req
486. No, me neither.Copy !req
487. Wouldn't that be terrible, though?
How would you live with yourself?Copy !req
488. I know, right? Exactly.Copy !req
489. Thanks for letting
me sleep in your bunk, Dewey.Copy !req
490. Gotta sleep somewhere, right?Copy !req
491. Dewey, I can't.
I know. I know.Copy !req
492. We both know that the sexual
tension between us is palpable.Copy !req
493. Don't you know that I wrestle
with the same temptations you do?Copy !req
494. I know I shouldn't be
saying this to you, Dewey,Copy !req
495. because we're not married
and we're just friends,Copy !req
496. but sometimes I lie awake at
night aching for a man's touch.Copy !req
497. And by "a man's touch,"
I mean a penis in my vagina.Copy !req
498. It's just so silly.Copy !req
499. Oh, that's so silly.Copy !req
500. Well, we better get some sleep.
Okay.Copy !req
501. Take my hand, Dewey.Copy !req
502. Let's promise to never, ever
give in to our lesser desires.Copy !req
503. After all, we're not married.Copy !req
504. I'm ready for sex.Copy !req
505. Oh.Copy !req
506. I been waiting for this for so long.Copy !req
507. Me too.Copy !req
508. From the moment I laid eyes on you.Copy !req
509. Oh.Copy !req
510. Oh, my.Copy !req
511. Dewey, I'm nervous.Copy !req
512. Don't worry, angel.
I'll show you the ways of love.Copy !req
513. Whoops-a-daisy.Copy !req
514. A Oh!Copy !req
515. Oh, Dewey.Copy !req
516. Surprise!Copy !req
517. Edith!Copy !req
518. Who are you?
I'm his wife, that's who I am.Copy !req
519. No, you're not. I'm his...Copy !req
520. Good Lord, you're already married?
I can explain.Copy !req
521. You're gonna explain to her? You should be
explaining to me. I am the mother of your children.Copy !req
522. It's not what it looks like.
You have children?Copy !req
523. Darling, it's not what it looks like.Copy !req
524. It's not what it looks like to me,
or it's not what it looks like to her?Copy !req
525. Yeah, because it's gotta be the
way it looks like to at least one of us.Copy !req
526. We're married.Copy !req
527. I did the right thing. It's
not like we're not married.Copy !req
528. If you're already married,
you can't get married again.Copy !req
529. I know, I know, and that
was wrong, but it's just...Copy !req
530. We were such good friends.Copy !req
531. And you told me about that dream
where you were licking my balls,Copy !req
532. and that seemed like a signal, and...Copy !req
533. I forgot.Copy !req
534. I'm leaving you, Dewey Cox,
and I will see you in court!Copy !req
535. No, Edith! Don't go.Copy !req
536. Oh, well. She's gone now.Copy !req
537. I'm leaving too. You got the
order of things all backwards.Copy !req
538. Darlene, don't go!Copy !req
539. Edith, don't go either!Copy !req
540. I made a mistake.
I made a terrible mistake.Copy !req
541. Edith! Edith! Edith!Copy !req
542. Leave me alone, Dewey.
Honey, I never meant no harm to you.Copy !req
543. Edith. Cupcake.Copy !req
544. Baby, you don't know what it's like out
there on the road. It's lonely out there.Copy !req
545. Edith, I can't be alone.Copy !req
546. Okay. Well, maybe you should've thought of
that before you went and got double married.Copy !req
547. Is that what this is about?Copy !req
548. Don't you stand there and judge
me like I'm some kind of criminal.Copy !req
549. You are a criminal.
This is illegal, Dewey.Copy !req
550. What do you mean, it's illegal?Copy !req
551. It's illegal to be married to two
people at the same time, Dewey.Copy !req
552. What about if you're famous?
Is that...?Copy !req
553. So you never done nothing
you shouldn't have done to me?Copy !req
554. What have I ever done to you?Copy !req
555. Like that time you woke up in the middle
of the night and drank up all the milk.Copy !req
556. And then I got up to have my
cornflakes, there was none left.Copy !req
557. Dewey, you cheated on me!Copy !req
558. So I'm a cheater, but you can just
drink up all the milk, and that's fine.Copy !req
559. Okay. All right, that's fine, I get
it. You're innocent, and I'm guilty.Copy !req
560. Guilty as charged.Copy !req
561. Don't you dare write a song
right now, Dewey!Copy !req
562. You know what? Go ahead.
Take the children. I don't care.Copy !req
563. All I need is my music.Copy !req
564. I don't need you.Copy !req
565. And I don't need you.Copy !req
566. And I don't need you.Copy !req
567. And I don't need you.Copy !req
568. You're just sitting there all
high and mighty in your diaper.Copy !req
569. If anything, you need me.
You're a baby.Copy !req
570. Come on, Miles.Copy !req
571. Don't you dare take Miles.Copy !req
572. You can take the children,
but you leave me my monkey.Copy !req
573. Fine.Copy !req
574. Goodbye, Dewey Cox.Copy !req
575. No! No, come back.Copy !req
576. Don't leave me, Edith.Copy !req
577. "Don't leave me, Edith."
There's a title for a song.Copy !req
578. That's not a bad title,
but please don't leave me.Copy !req
579. What have you done?Copy !req
580. I'm telling you, I've had it.
I've had it with all this crap.Copy !req
581. You took her side every time.Copy !req
582. All you care about is fruit and
touching yourself. Well, fuck you.Copy !req
583. Get out of here, Dewey. You
don't want no part of this shit.Copy !req
584. What y'all doing in here?
We doing pills, uppers and downers.Copy !req
585. They're the logical next step for you.Copy !req
586. I want some of that shit.Copy !req
587. Good morning, Your Honor.
May I approach the bench?Copy !req
588. Does Dewey seem unhappy to you?Copy !req
589. He's changed, I tell you, he's changed.Copy !req
590. That was early Dewey,
this is middle Dewey.Copy !req
591. Dewey, are you enjoying yourself?Copy !req
592. What? Oh, I'm sorry.
I forgot you were here.Copy !req
593. Hey, Dave. I like your girl better,
let's switch.Copy !req
594. Well, Dewey, this is my wife.
Onh, nice to meet you.Copy !req
595. Well, this is Kathy.
Kathy, this is Dave.Copy !req
596. Come on, darling.
So where you from?Copy !req
597. Hi there.Copy !req
598. Goddamn it,
this is a dark fucking period!Copy !req
599. Freeze! Put your hands
above your head.Copy !req
600. It's not what it looks like.Copy !req
601. Stop!Copy !req
602. You got me.Copy !req
603. Come on,
Mr. Cox. How about it? Look here.Copy !req
604. Cox, you got a visitor.Copy !req
605. Prison has changed me.Copy !req
606. I understand the common man
in a way I never did before.Copy !req
607. I gotta get out of here, so I can
bring joy to the men back in here.Copy !req
608. But I don't wanna live with them.Copy !req
609. Lean closer.Copy !req
610. I'm going to speak to you in my languageCopy !req
611. so that the guards can't
understand what I'm saying.Copy !req
612. There must be something you can do.Copy !req
613. I'm 21 years old.Copy !req
614. I got my whole life ahead of me.Copy !req
615. We think we can get you off.Copy !req
616. What do I have to do?Copy !req
617. You gotta go to rehab.Copy !req
618. "Rehab"?
Rehab.Copy !req
619. - Rehab?
- Oh, rehab.Copy !req
620. Okay, okay, I gotcha.Copy !req
621. Doctor! Doctor!Copy !req
622. I'm so cold.
We need more blankets.Copy !req
623. We need more blankets.Copy !req
624. Doctor!Copy !req
625. I'm so hot!
I think he has too many blankets.Copy !req
626. Fewer blankets!Copy !req
627. I'm hot and cold at the same time!Copy !req
628. He needs more blankets
and he needs less blankets.Copy !req
629. I'm afraid you're right.Copy !req
630. Dewey?Copy !req
631. My wife sends her love,Copy !req
632. asshole.Copy !req
633. Dewey, I don't know if you can
hear me in there...Copy !req
634. but the wrong kid died.Copy !req
635. Dewey. Do you mind
if we get stoned in here?Copy !req
636. Eh, he can't hear you.
He's gonna die anyway.Copy !req
637. Are you ready to go home, Dewey Cox?Copy !req
638. Darlene.Copy !req
639. I could never get you out of my head.Copy !req
640. Me neither.Copy !req
641. I could never stop thinking about you.Copy !req
642. But I wasn't gonna be no home wrecker.Copy !req
643. Now that I'm your only wife
though, it seems different.Copy !req
644. I'm a new man, Darlene. Prison
and rehab have changed me.Copy !req
645. All these blankets have saved my life.Copy !req
646. I think you're finally ready to be the
man I always thought you could be.Copy !req
647. Let me get this off.Copy !req
648. I love you.Copy !req
649. I love you too.Copy !req
650. Oh, my God.Copy !req
651. Hey, boys, have you seen Dewey?Copy !req
652. I think I saw him in the barn
with that longhaired guy.Copy !req
653. Oh, yeah, he was talking
to Charlie. Charlie Manson.Copy !req
654. His music is horrible.
But he's a really nice guy.Copy !req
655. Oh, couldn't be nicer.
Yeah, he's a nice guy.Copy !req
656. Come on, Dewey. It's almost
time for Dewman's cake.Copy !req
657. All right. It's just... It's hard for me
to sit around at some birthday partyCopy !req
658. when I know there's so much
injustice going on in this world.Copy !req
659. I know.
My daddy was right.Copy !req
660. I can't spend all my time
thinking about Dewey Cox no more.Copy !req
661. I've got to think about the other people.Copy !req
662. Like your family?Copy !req
663. No, I mean, like, people that's
having injustices done to them.Copy !req
664. Like women and midgets and such.Copy !req
665. I mean, it's 1966, Darlene.
And, baby...Copy !req
666. I'm feeling it.Copy !req
667. I know. The '60s are an
important and exciting time.Copy !req
668. Aren't they? It's like there's
something happening here.Copy !req
669. And what it is ain't exactly...Copy !req
670. obvious.Copy !req
671. I have to try to help people
with my music.Copy !req
672. Some people are saying that your
new music sounds a lot like Bob Dylan.Copy !req
673. Well, maybe Bob Dylan
sounds a lot like me.Copy !req
674. You know, how come
nobody ever asks Bob Dylan:Copy !req
675. "Why you sound
so much like Dewey Cox?"Copy !req
676. What the hell is this song about?Copy !req
677. I have no idea.Copy !req
678. You guys are idiots.
This song is very deep.Copy !req
679. What do your parents think
about your protest songs?Copy !req
680. What do your parents think about
my protest songs, Mr. TIME Magazine?Copy !req
681. Sing with me!Copy !req
682. Sing it!Copy !req
683. Mr. Cox, why are you going to India?Copy !req
684. Well, I'm searching for
something, if you must know.Copy !req
685. I'm fixing to do me some
meditating with the maharishi.Copy !req
686. And Dewey Cox needs India right now,Copy !req
687. and, heck, I reckon India
needs Dewey Cox too.Copy !req
688. Only through meditation can we
begin to understand our role.Copy !req
689. We're nothing but grains of sand.Copy !req
690. That was freaking
transcendental, Paul McCartney.Copy !req
691. Don't you agree, John Lennon?
Yes, Dewey Cox.Copy !req
692. With meditation there's no limit
to what we canCopy !req
693. imagine.Copy !req
694. What do you think, George
Harrison of the Beatles?Copy !req
695. I don't know. You know, I'm just trying
to get some more songs on the album.Copy !req
696. And as Ringo Starr, I'm not
so interested in meditation.Copy !req
697. I just like to have fun.Copy !req
698. I like the little one.
It's so dark in this tent.Copy !req
699. Reminds me when we, the
Beatles, the four Beatles, us...Copy !req
700. From Liverpool.
Yes, we are from Liverpool.Copy !req
701. We used to play those dark clubs
in Hamburg. Remember that, Paul?Copy !req
702. Of course I do, I booked them.
I'm the leader of the Beatles.Copy !req
703. Well, I have to say I like
your stuff. It's pretty good.Copy !req
704. And most of your records, I really enjoy.Copy !req
705. We're big fans of your records too.Copy !req
706. We like to think that Hard Day's
Night is our Guilty as Charged.Copy !req
707. - Great record.
- Excellent album.Copy !req
708. We learned a lot from you.
Great record.Copy !req
709. Well, we're big fans of y'all.Copy !req
710. Huge fans. You guys are almost as
good as the Monkees. You guys are great.Copy !req
711. I think I might adjourn to another
dimension, take some LSD.Copy !req
712. Do you care to join me?
Yeah, let's do that.Copy !req
713. Care to join us for some LSD,
Dewey? It's good for you.Copy !req
714. Built by scientists, it is.
Lysergic.Copy !req
715. Gotta check with headquarters.Copy !req
716. Come on, Dewey Cox.
Think you might enjoy it.Copy !req
717. Open your mind to a new experience,
a new level of consciousness,Copy !req
718. like we do, because we are the Beatles.Copy !req
719. Why don't you just let him decide.
If he wants to take LSD, he'll take it.Copy !req
720. He doesn't have to listen to
you. You're not the boss of him.Copy !req
721. Don't tell me what to say and
what not to say, Paul McCartney.Copy !req
722. I'm sick of you being so dark when I'm
so impish and whimsical. I'm sick of it.Copy !req
723. Hey, everyone,
I've got a brand-new mantra:Copy !req
724. Mmm. Paul's a big fat cunt.Copy !req
725. Don't know why you
two don't let me write more songs.Copy !req
726. You know, I just sit here while me
guitar quietly whimpers, you know.Copy !req
727. Well, you are the quiet one, so
why don't you shut the fuck up?Copy !req
728. I've got a song about an octopus.Copy !req
729. Jam it up your ass. You're lucky
we still let you play drums.Copy !req
730. Wow, seems like there's a rift
happening between the Beatles.Copy !req
731. I wonder if your songs will
still be shit when I'm 64.Copy !req
732. - Great sod.
- No, stop it!Copy !req
733. You bastard! You sissy.Copy !req
734. Beatles. Please stop
fighting here in India.Copy !req
735. No, no, let them go.
Let them work it out.Copy !req
736. Taste it.Copy !req
737. Right there in the bollocks.Copy !req
738. - Bastard!
- Cunt!Copy !req
739. Dewey, you been living clean
for three years now,Copy !req
740. and it's done you a world
of good, has it not?Copy !req
741. Look, I know I've had my
trouble with drugs in the past.Copy !req
742. But I'm addicted to coke, weed,
booze, ludes and speed. Not LSD.Copy !req
743. Nobody gets addicted to LSD.Copy !req
744. It was invented by scientists.
Ringo Starr just told me.Copy !req
745. I heard that doing LSD
can awaken your demons.Copy !req
746. I ain't got no demons gonna get woke.Copy !req
747. If you promise
it'll just be this one time.Copy !req
748. Okay.Copy !req
749. Let's go drop acid with the Beatles.Copy !req
750. Hello, Dewey.Copy !req
751. Welcome to your LSD trip.Copy !req
752. Where everything's a cartoon.Copy !req
753. We're the trippy cartoon Beatles.Copy !req
754. Look at that. It's a flying fish.Copy !req
755. Totally trippy!Copy !req
756. Wow, this LSD's all right.Copy !req
757. I like being a trippy cartoon.Copy !req
758. Just keep thinking happy thoughts, Dewey.Copy !req
759. I'd hate for this
to turn into a bad trip.Copy !req
760. Uh-oh.
Uh-oh?Copy !req
761. What's that scary music?Copy !req
762. I had an unhappy thought.Copy !req
763. It's a bad trip.Copy !req
764. Bad trip, bad trip!Copy !req
765. Help! Trippy machete!Copy !req
766. Oh, fuck me.
I can see my large colon.Copy !req
767. Uh! I guess I do
have some demons.Copy !req
768. You all right, Cox?Copy !req
769. I don't know.Copy !req
770. Do you want some more LSD?Copy !req
771. Yeah. I think I do.Copy !req
772. Mr. Schwartzberg, you're his long-time
manager. Maybe you can talk to him.Copy !req
773. Well, what's the problem?Copy !req
774. He's been on that trampoline
for four days.Copy !req
775. You have got to talk some
sense into him. I'm worried.Copy !req
776. Dewey, as your manager, I
have to tell you I'm concerned.Copy !req
777. I think the LSD has changed you.Copy !req
778. It has changed me.
It's opened my mind right up.Copy !req
779. I'm reinventing music.Copy !req
780. I'm creating something new
that I call "shmusic."Copy !req
781. You've been recording the
same song for eight months.Copy !req
782. You're not even close to being finished.Copy !req
783. That's because this record is different
than any other record I've made.Copy !req
784. I told you. This is going to be
my masterpiece.Copy !req
785. The one I'm remembered by.
This one's for my brother.Copy !req
786. What brother?Copy !req
787. Nothing. Never mind. It's private.Copy !req
788. This is not a good song.Copy !req
789. It's like five songs on top
of each other at the same time.Copy !req
790. Not even a song.
It's some kind of concerto.Copy !req
791. Just let him work it out.Copy !req
792. Masterpieces take time.Copy !req
793. Do you hear that?
I think that goat's been singingCopy !req
794. more than I am on this damn song.Copy !req
795. It's still not finished yet.Copy !req
796. I'm hearing more
aboriginal percussionists.Copy !req
797. And I want an army of didgeridoos.
Fifty thousand didgeridoos!Copy !req
798. Folks, can we have a moment with Dewey?Copy !req
799. What the hell are these songs about?Copy !req
800. You're singing about
cutting people in half...Copy !req
801. Ssst-tt-tt-tt.Copy !req
802. I'm working something out.
It's called a metaphor.Copy !req
803. Well, what are you working out?Copy !req
804. It's secret. That's why it's
called metaphor. It's a secret.Copy !req
805. That's what metaphor
means. Secret.Copy !req
806. I just don't see why you gotta
throw away the recipe, is all.Copy !req
807. Why don't we just go in there,Copy !req
808. lay down some tracks like we always done?Copy !req
809. Yeah, why can't we just walk hard?Copy !req
810. Yeah, Dewey, what do we
need all these people for?Copy !req
811. I don't need people
around me stifling me.Copy !req
812. So if you don't like it,
there's the door.Copy !req
813. Dewey?Copy !req
814. Are you saying you don't need us no more?Copy !req
815. Not unless you can open your mind
and learn to play the fucking theremin.Copy !req
816. Fuck you, Dewey!Copy !req
817. Yeah, fuck you, Dewey.Copy !req
818. In 20 years not once have you
thrown a woman my way.Copy !req
819. You don't think we like
cheating on our wives too?Copy !req
820. And you never once paid
for drugs. Not once!Copy !req
821. You pay that chimp more than you pay us.Copy !req
822. I had to borrow from the chimp
to get a mortgage on my house.Copy !req
823. And those stupid Siamese glass cats
you get us every year for Christmas.Copy !req
824. I don't want any more Siamese glass cats!Copy !req
825. The Siamese cat is a symbol
of nobility in ancient Egypt.Copy !req
826. Fuck nobility!Copy !req
827. Fuck ancient Egypt.Copy !req
828. Fuck cats!Copy !req
829. And you never paid for drugs.Copy !req
830. Not once.Copy !req
831. You slept with my wife.Copy !req
832. You slept with me too!Copy !req
833. And I've had confused feelings
about that for 10 years now!Copy !req
834. And you never once paid for drugs.Copy !req
835. Not once.Copy !req
836. You're on your own, Dewey Cox.Copy !req
837. We're leaving.Copy !req
838. Well, I guess this is the end of a
chapter in your life, Dewey Cox.Copy !req
839. What's happened to you, Dewey Cox?Copy !req
840. Stay out of this, Darlene!Copy !req
841. You're driving away the people
who love you most!Copy !req
842. I don't need anybody, Darlene.Copy !req
843. All I need is my music.Copy !req
844. This ain't about your music,
Dewey. It's about the drugs.Copy !req
845. Honey, I told you I'm gonna quit again.Copy !req
846. As soon as the record's done.
Whenever that might be.Copy !req
847. Look, you can't rush a masterpiece.Copy !req
848. You need to take a break, Dewey. You
need to clean yourself up, otherwise...Copy !req
849. Otherwise what?Copy !req
850. Otherwise I can't be married
to you no more.Copy !req
851. I know you don't mean that.Copy !req
852. I believe you know that I do.Copy !req
853. Okay.Copy !req
854. Okay?
Okay.Copy !req
855. You'll take a break?Copy !req
856. I will take a break.Copy !req
857. And you'll quit the drugs?Copy !req
858. And I will quit the drugs.Copy !req
859. Dewey!Copy !req
860. Oh, baby. I've been praying
about this day for so long.Copy !req
861. What did you just put in your mouth?
Gum.Copy !req
862. You ain't chewing no gum.
Candy?Copy !req
863. What did you put in your mouth?
It's PCP.Copy !req
864. Oh, you just said...!Copy !req
865. Wow.Copy !req
866. I'm going to town!Copy !req
867. Get out of the road, you jerk!Copy !req
868. There he is!Copy !req
869. Dewey! Get off
that building! It's inappropriate!Copy !req
870. Dewey Cox, you give me no choice.Copy !req
871. It breaks my heart, but I'm leaving you.Copy !req
872. I'm Zeus!Copy !req
873. No mortal can stop me!
I'm Zeus!Copy !req
874. Rehab?
Rehab.Copy !req
875. Nate!Copy !req
876. Ah! Nate?Copy !req
877. This is what I'd look like
if I'd grown up into an adultCopy !req
878. and perhaps hadn't have
been murdered, or whatever.Copy !req
879. I just came to tell you you
need to get your shit together!Copy !req
880. I know.Copy !req
881. I've fallen again.Copy !req
882. Will you listen to yourself? You
keep whining like a little bitch.Copy !req
883. If I was alive right now, I'd be the
fucking president of the United States.Copy !req
884. I'd be on the moon, walking
around looking for aliens to Kill.Copy !req
885. What?
You know whyCopy !req
886. Dad liked me better than you?Copy !req
887. Because I was better than you.Copy !req
888. When I played the piano,
I was fucking awesome.Copy !req
889. Well, you think it's been easy for me?Copy !req
890. Since you're gone
I got no sense of smell.Copy !req
891. Oh, you got no sense of smell?Copy !req
892. You can't smell anything?
You can't smell anything?Copy !req
893. I got no sense of having legs, Dewey!Copy !req
894. I have no life! I'm dead
because somebody...Copy !req
895. I'm not gonna point out names right now.Copy !req
896. Decided to murder me with a machete.Copy !req
897. Nate.
I can't even smell, touch, feel.Copy !req
898. I can't even masturbate. You ever try
to jerk off with a ghost hand? Nothing!Copy !req
899. I'm just trying to say
you need to fix this shit.Copy !req
900. You need to get out of that bathtub.
You need to start writing songs again.Copy !req
901. Stay in it. Stay in it.Copy !req
902. No! Why can't I write
a fucking song anymore?Copy !req
903. And then I fucked up, goddamn it!Copy !req
904. Schwartzy, I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know what's going on with me.Copy !req
905. I got the song block.Copy !req
906. Song block.Copy !req
907. You know what? I don't
need to write any new songs.Copy !req
908. I'll just do my old ones. We'll do
a oldies tour. I'll do "Walk Hard."Copy !req
909. Dewey, "Walk Hard" is over 20 years old.Copy !req
910. Well, a lot of people like my old songs.Copy !req
911. Old people like your old songs.Copy !req
912. May I make a suggestion?Copy !req
913. I got a call from CBS.Copy !req
914. They wanna do a show with you.Copy !req
915. Television, Dewey. It's the
way into the people's hearts.Copy !req
916. Live from Burbank, California.Copy !req
917. It's The Dewey Cox Show.Copy !req
918. And now your host, Dewey Cox!Copy !req
919. Stay tuned. When
we come back, Cox sings David Bowie.Copy !req
920. We'll be right
back with more Cox after this.Copy !req
921. I mean, what do I have to do to
get you on my bone? Invent fire?Copy !req
922. And then huge laugh and we go
to commercial. All right, take five.Copy !req
923. Hey. Ha-ha! Ha!Copy !req
924. Great rehearsal, Dewey.
Very funny sketch.Copy !req
925. Thank you. Schwarzberg,
have you seen the ratings?Copy !req
926. We're getting our ass kicked
every week by The Incredible Hulk.Copy !req
927. Well, last night's episode
was a very special episode.Copy !req
928. They revealed that the
Incredible Hulk has an evil twin.Copy !req
929. And he's not green. He's red.Copy !req
930. I know. It was amazing.
Did you see it?Copy !req
931. You can't compete with that. But,
listen, we do need to do more promotion.Copy !req
932. So here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna
introduce people to the new Dewey Cox.Copy !req
933. In fact, I got a girl here right now to interview
you. She's from the local affiliate in Dallas.Copy !req
934. Oh. I don't know.
I'm not so good on interviews.Copy !req
935. Bubbe, it's a puff piece.
It's very puffy.Copy !req
936. All you have to do is remind the audienceCopy !req
937. that you're not mainlining acid anymore.
And that the show, it's a lot of fun, right?Copy !req
938. You're having fun.
Yeah.Copy !req
939. And it's on every Thursday
night at 8 after the local news.Copy !req
940. "It's on every Thursday night at 8:00, right after
your local news. And I'm not mainlining acid."Copy !req
941. Anymore.
Oh, I'm not gonna promise that.Copy !req
942. Whatever you're comfortable with.
"I don't smoke angel dust anymore.Copy !req
943. So don't be afraid."
Something like that?Copy !req
944. So why don't you tell us about
your new television programme?Copy !req
945. Well, Gall, it's a variety show.
I do a little bit of everything.Copy !req
946. I do some singing, some dancing,
some chatting with the guests,Copy !req
947. the skits, the monologues, the comedy.Copy !req
948. Wonderful. Comedy.Copy !req
949. It really is a lot of fun.Copy !req
950. Well, we're gonna have
more fun when we come backCopy !req
951. from this word from our sponsors.Copy !req
952. Don't go away.Copy !req
953. Ooh. Okay, you know what? I gotta
tell you, my heart goes out to you.Copy !req
954. I know what it's like to be on a
piece-of-shit television programmeCopy !req
955. because I'm hosting one right now.
Excuse me?Copy !req
956. Must wanna blow your fucking
brains out, I'll bet. I know I do.Copy !req
957. And we're back
with Mr. Dewey Cox.Copy !req
958. And we're talking about the
fun he's having on his show.Copy !req
959. But right now, let's talk about your
lovely wife, Darlene. How's she doing?Copy !req
960. Darlene and I separated
some years ago, Gail.Copy !req
961. Oh, okay. Guess I didn't
do my homework.Copy !req
962. And to answer your question,
I miss her terribly.Copy !req
963. Well, that's sweet.Copy !req
964. Now, tell me, why don't we talk about your
parents? They've gotta be proud of you.Copy !req
965. Well, my mom is dead.Copy !req
966. And my pa and I don't
speak to each other,Copy !req
967. so we're not very close.Copy !req
968. We can always cut around
this if it gets too pathetic.Copy !req
969. Tell us about your kids. I know
you got a whole slew of them.Copy !req
970. What's going on with them?Copy !req
971. I'm locked in a custody
battle at this time.Copy !req
972. Custody is trying to be forced
upon me, which I don't think is right.Copy !req
973. You know, if you don't want
the responsibility of children,Copy !req
974. you should be able
to walk away from that,Copy !req
975. and apparently a couple of my
ex-wives don't feel the same. So, yeah.Copy !req
976. Wherever my kids are, I'm sure
they're watching The Dewey Cox ShowCopy !req
977. on Thursday nights at 8:00,
right after the local news.Copy !req
978. And, uh, I just wanted to say
to everyone out thereCopy !req
979. I'm no longer mainlining acid
or smoking PCP.Copy !req
980. It's official.Copy !req
981. Um, okay. Why don't we, uh,
lighten it up just a bit here?Copy !req
982. Tell me, you're so busy, Dewey Cox, do
you have time to stop and smell the roses?Copy !req
983. I've got no fucking sense of smell.Copy !req
984. All right, I'm done.Copy !req
985. Come on, now, folks.
Do a little research.Copy !req
986. That would've been
nice information to have. Yeah.Copy !req
987. Yeah.Copy !req
988. Nate? Dewey.Copy !req
989. You were supposed to be
double great for the both of us.Copy !req
990. What the fuck is this bullshit?Copy !req
991. I know.
All I'm askingCopy !req
992. is that you write one masterpieceCopy !req
993. that is the culmination
of your entire life.Copy !req
994. How hard is that?Copy !req
995. I'm empty, Nate. What do I do?Copy !req
996. Dewey, who's the one person in
your life who's made you feel like shit?Copy !req
997. You need to talk to him, Dewey.Copy !req
998. I don't know.
You need to hug him.Copy !req
999. I have been putting this off
my entire life,Copy !req
1000. but I think you might be right.Copy !req
1001. Hello, Pa.Copy !req
1002. What do you want?Copy !req
1003. I feel like there's some
things I need to say to you.Copy !req
1004. Well, go on. Talk.Copy !req
1005. I've realised that...Copy !req
1006. I never really said I was sorry
for what happened with Nate.Copy !req
1007. Pa, I've spent my entire lifeCopy !req
1008. trying to find love with wivesCopy !req
1009. and hotel clerksCopy !req
1010. and tollbooth attendantsCopy !req
1011. and giraffes and monkeys and trampolinesCopy !req
1012. and men who dress like women
and men who look like you.Copy !req
1013. And I realised the only person
I've ever really wanted to love meCopy !req
1014. was you, Pa.Copy !req
1015. Dewey, I don't know what to say.Copy !req
1016. You don't have to say anything, Pa.Copy !req
1017. I just wanted to come here
and tell you that I loved youCopy !req
1018. and I always have.Copy !req
1019. I appreciate you finding the
courage to say that, Dewey.Copy !req
1020. But there's only one way to settle this.Copy !req
1021. Machetes.
What?Copy !req
1022. The right kid is gonna die tonight.Copy !req
1023. You've been practicing!Copy !req
1024. Oh! Ow!Copy !req
1025. No, Pa. No!Copy !req
1026. I been waiting for this for a long time!Copy !req
1027. You have?Copy !req
1028. Oh, no.Copy !req
1029. Oh, my goodness!Copy !req
1030. I halved myself.Copy !req
1031. Pa! No, Pa!Copy !req
1032. Dewey, I guess I never
realised until this momentCopy !req
1033. just how easy it is to
accidentally cut someone in half.Copy !req
1034. It is, right?Copy !req
1035. I'm sorry for blaming you, Dewey.Copy !req
1036. Of course you didn't mean
to cut Nate in half.Copy !req
1037. It's all so obvious now.Copy !req
1038. Pa.Copy !req
1039. I should've been a better father
to you, Dewey.Copy !req
1040. I wish I spent more time
playing catch with youCopy !req
1041. and less time training my body and
mind to kill you in a machete fight.Copy !req
1042. You be a better father than I was, Dewey.Copy !req
1043. I'll try, Pa.Copy !req
1044. It shouldn't be that hard.Copy !req
1045. In case I don't make it...Copy !req
1046. Pa! You're gonna make it!
It's the 1970s!Copy !req
1047. They got all kinds of new procedures
that can attach tops to bottoms now!Copy !req
1048. Hang in there!
Dewey, I love...Copy !req
1049. I love...Copy !req
1050. You love what?Copy !req
1051. Pa, you love what?Copy !req
1052. Come on, one more word!Copy !req
1053. No!Copy !req
1054. Dad?Copy !req
1055. Yes, what is it, son?Copy !req
1056. I was just wondering
if you wanna have a catch.Copy !req
1057. A catch?Copy !req
1058. Son,Copy !req
1059. there is nothing in this world
I want moreCopy !req
1060. than to have a catch with you.Copy !req
1061. Son, forgive me,
this is going to sound strange,Copy !req
1062. but what is your name again?Copy !req
1063. I'm Dewey Junior, but my
friends call me "Dewdrop."Copy !req
1064. Well...Copy !req
1065. It's nice to formally meet you, Dewdrop.Copy !req
1066. So this is catch.Copy !req
1067. This is what I been missing out
on all them years on the road, huh?Copy !req
1068. I like it, it's wonderful. You throw
it to me, I throw it back to you.Copy !req
1069. It's so simple, and yet so powerful.Copy !req
1070. Boy, you're really terrible at this game.Copy !req
1071. Well, I mean, you never really
played with me before.Copy !req
1072. How am I supposed to learn?
A boy needs a dad.Copy !req
1073. Yes, he does.Copy !req
1074. Well, I reckon we got some
lost time to make up, you and me.Copy !req
1075. And all your brothers and sisters
too. How many of you are there now?Copy !req
1076. Twenty-two brothers and sisters. And
also 14 half-brothers and half-sisters.Copy !req
1077. Holy shit.Copy !req
1078. This may take a while.Copy !req
1079. That's real good.Copy !req
1080. So beautiful.Copy !req
1081. Are you sure you're one of mine?Copy !req
1082. Go ahead and taste some dirt.Copy !req
1083. That's good dirt. That's good dirt.Copy !req
1084. On the surface, Macbeth is about revenge.Copy !req
1085. But what is the subtext?Copy !req
1086. A power struggle for the Scottish
royal family, that's what it is.Copy !req
1087. I just gave you it.
That one's a mulligan.Copy !req
1088. Yeah.Copy !req
1089. Hello, Dewey.Copy !req
1090. Darlene.Copy !req
1091. It's Dewina's birthday. I brought
her a present. It's a bracelet.Copy !req
1092. How's Glen Campbell?Copy !req
1093. He and I split up a long time ago.Copy !req
1094. Really?Copy !req
1095. It's just me these days.Copy !req
1096. At age 50.Copy !req
1097. Would you care to take a walk
with me, Darlene Madison?Copy !req
1098. Well, I haven't been playing too
much music the last few years.Copy !req
1099. I realise now I wasn't much of a
father when I was out on the road.Copy !req
1100. Now this is what makes me happy.Copy !req
1101. Not the music, not getting high,Copy !req
1102. just my family.Copy !req
1103. That's all I care about.Copy !req
1104. And that family is missing
one piece, Darlene.Copy !req
1105. My God, you're as beautiful
as the day I met you.Copy !req
1106. You don't want this dirty old Cox.Copy !req
1107. Oh, I want it more than ever.Copy !req
1108. Did you wash your hair today?Copy !req
1109. I sure did. How could you tell?Copy !req
1110. It smells terrific.Copy !req
1111. I smelt it.Copy !req
1112. You mean...?Copy !req
1113. I smelt it!Copy !req
1114. I can smell again!Copy !req
1115. I smelt it!Copy !req
1116. I smell you.
Smell it.Copy !req
1117. Oh, you've been driving a while.Copy !req
1118. I smelt it! I smelt it!Copy !req
1119. I smelt it, God!Copy !req
1120. It's a miracle!Copy !req
1121. I smell you, flowers.Copy !req
1122. I smell you, twig.Copy !req
1123. I smell horseshit!Copy !req
1124. It's horrible!Copy !req
1125. - But I can smell it!
- Smell that shit, baby!Copy !req
1126. I smelt it.Copy !req
1127. Oh.Copy !req
1128. Anyway, that's when I learnedCopy !req
1129. that Quaaludes and
water-skiing do not mix.Copy !req
1130. Now, you remember that.Copy !req
1131. How come you did all
of that stuff, Grandpa?Copy !req
1132. Well, Dewey Rahim, I'll tell you.
I was young and stupid then.Copy !req
1133. I didn't understand a lot of things.Copy !req
1134. Think it had to do with how
I was reared as a boy.Copy !req
1135. But, you know, I got no complaints.Copy !req
1136. It's been a beautiful ride.Copy !req
1137. A beautiful ride?Copy !req
1138. A beautiful ride.Copy !req
1139. Dewey, sweetheart,
there's someone here to see you.Copy !req
1140. Mr. Cox.Copy !req
1141. I'm sorry, have we met?Copy !req
1142. You worked with my father,
Kvetch L'Chaim.Copy !req
1143. You're Mr. L'Chaim's boy?Copy !req
1144. Dreidel L'Chaim, that's me.Copy !req
1145. Well, it's nice to see you again,
Dreidel L'Chaim.Copy !req
1146. The pleasure's all mine.Copy !req
1147. Listen, Mr. Cox, there's
something I want to show you.Copy !req
1148. Mr. L'Chaim, how could you
allow them to do such a thingCopy !req
1149. with my husband's music?Copy !req
1150. Through the roof, we're selling.Copy !req
1151. Lil' Nutzzak.
That's the rapper. Sweet kid.Copy !req
1152. Anyway, he's introduced
a whole new generationCopy !req
1153. to the magic of Dewey Cox.Copy !req
1154. You could even play together. Cox
and Lil' Nutzzak. What a package.Copy !req
1155. Anyway, as if that was not enough,Copy !req
1156. they're gonna give Dewey the
Lifetime Achievement Award next month.Copy !req
1157. The Lifetime Achievement Award?Copy !req
1158. Baby, that's wonderful.Copy !req
1159. You go on TV, they give you the award,
you play a song, it's a magical thing.Copy !req
1160. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I can't go on TV and play.Copy !req
1161. - What? Why not?
- Why, Grandpa?Copy !req
1162. Hell, I'm 71 years old. I don't
even know if I can rock no more.Copy !req
1163. Of course you can rock, sweetheart.Copy !req
1164. Of course you can rock, sweetheart.Copy !req
1165. Well, I don't know that I can rock.Copy !req
1166. And besides that...Copy !req
1167. I gave that life up for a reason.Copy !req
1168. I'm afraid of the temptations, Darlene.Copy !req
1169. You can do it, Dewey.
I know you can.Copy !req
1170. Just go out there and sing your song.Copy !req
1171. I'm gonna need my band.Copy !req
1172. My hip.Copy !req
1173. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
1174. please welcome Jewel, Lyle Lovett
and Jackson Browne.Copy !req
1175. Hi.
Hey there.Copy !req
1176. Hello.Copy !req
1177. Oh, he is so cute.Copy !req
1178. What are you doing later, Dewey?Copy !req
1179. I am returning to the hotel
with my family.Copy !req
1180. Good night to you.Copy !req
1181. He fucked my grandma.Copy !req
1182. That's awesome.Copy !req
1183. Ghostface Killah.Copy !req
1184. Oh, no. You're adorable.Copy !req
1185. Sam. What are y'all doing in here?Copy !req
1186. Dewey, get out of here.
You don't want no part of this shit.Copy !req
1187. What is it?Copy !req
1188. It's a medication
for erectile dysfunction.Copy !req
1189. It gives you a boner.Copy !req
1190. Not to be used if you have
a preexisting heart condition.Copy !req
1191. If boners last for more than
four hours, call more ladies.Copy !req
1192. Well, that does sound tempting.Copy !req
1193. But do you know what, Sam? I
really don't want no part of that shit.Copy !req
1194. Did you hear what I said?
It gives you a boner.Copy !req
1195. Hate to let you down, old friend,Copy !req
1196. but I don't wanna succumb
to the temptations.Copy !req
1197. Ah! The Temptations!Copy !req
1198. We heard him sing about walking hard,Copy !req
1199. and we learned a little something
about how we wanted to walk.Copy !req
1200. What do we think about
when we think about Cox?Copy !req
1201. He's been called the Drifter.Copy !req
1202. Also the Shape Shifter, the
Master Chef, the Chameleon.Copy !req
1203. The Problem Child.
The Hard One.Copy !req
1204. The White Indian.
The Giant Midget.Copy !req
1205. If Elvis and Buddy Holly are
the Cain and Abel of rock 'n" roll,Copy !req
1206. and Bruce Springsteen is Zechariah,Copy !req
1207. Iggy Pop is Methuselah,Copy !req
1208. and, of course, Neil Young
is the wise prophet Ezekiel,Copy !req
1209. then what does that make Dewey Cox?Copy !req
1210. Well, I don't know what God...Copy !req
1211. Um, Mr. Cox?Copy !req
1212. I don't wanna rush him,
but he goes on in a minute.Copy !req
1213. Shh.Copy !req
1214. Ladies and gentlemen,
it is my great honor to introduceCopy !req
1215. for the first time on-stage in 25 years,Copy !req
1216. performing his final masterpieceCopy !req
1217. that will sum up his entire life...Copy !req
1218. Mr. Cox?Copy !req
1219. the one, the only...Copy !req
1220. I'm ready.Copy !req
1221. Mr. Dewey Cox.Copy !req
1222. Thank you very much for
that, ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
1223. You'll forgive me if I'm a bit rusty.Copy !req
1224. This is the first song I've written
in a very long time.Copy !req
1225. I hope you enjoy it.Copy !req