Vice (2018)

1. How you doin' tonight, officer?

2. I'm gonna need you to get outta the car.

3. Come on. Let's get out.

4. - Move! - Go! Go!

5. Move! It's clear.

6. - Move, move, move. - Clear!

7. - Let's go, let's go! - Move! Move! Move! Move!

8. A plane just struck the Pentagon.

9. Let's make sure those phone lines are working.

10. Phones are go, sir.

11. The SVTC. Let's contact the FAA,

12. find out how many planes are in the air.

13. Yes, sir.

14. Let's get these televisions working.

15. May I get the president on the line, please?

16. We got planes in the air and nowhere for them to land.

17. I still have one plane unaccounted for

18. flying over Pennsylvania.

19. I need permission for them to land

20. at a Canadian airport.

21. very large plane. It was going fast.

22. Flying over Pennsylvania on course.

23. And three other planes are unaccounted for.

24. I'm seeing five planes unaccounted for.

25. No! Scratch that. I'm seeing four!

26. I have NORAD on the line.

27. That is correct. He is. That is correct.

28. Mr. Vice President, POTUS on line one, sir.

29. Mr. President.

30. The situation is, uh, extremely fluid.

31. I strongly recommend you stay in the air.

32. I have, uh, sequestered congressional leadership.

33. Okay, then.

34. Sir, Donald Rumsfeld is

35. at the Pentagon on line three.

36. - That? - Mm-hmm. Yes, sir.

37. Dick, are there still passenger planes in the air?

38. I need rules of engagement.

39. Let's get the President back on line, sir.

40. You have authorization to shoot down

41. any aircraft deemed a threat.

42. Presidential authority?

43. That is correct. All orders are UNODIR.

44. "UNODIR," sir?

45. Unless otherwise directed.

46. By all accounts of what people saw

47. in that room on that terrible day,

48. there was confusion...

49. fear...

50. uncertainty.

51. But Dick Cheney saw something else

52. that no one else did.

53. He saw an opportunity.

54. As the world becomes more and more confusing,

55. we tend to focus on the things

56. that are right there in front of us...

57. while ignoring the massive forces

58. that actually change and shape our lives.

59. And with people working longer and longer hours,

60. for less and less,

61. when we do have free time,

62. the last thing we want is

63. complicated analysis of our government,

64. lobbying,

65. international trade agreements,

66. and tax bills.

67. So it's no surprise

68. that when a monotone,

69. bureaucratic vice president came to power,

70. we hardly noticed...

71. as he achieved a position of authority

72. that very few leaders

73. in the history of America ever have...

74. - Vice President, for your... - These tax cuts are...

75. - ... get this started? - That's for your fucking...

76. I'm fucking dying!

77. Forever changing the course of history

78. for millions and millions of lives.

79. And he did it like a ghost,

80. with most people having no idea who he is

81. or where he came from.

82. How does a man go on to become who he is?

83. Well, it starts in 1963...

84. when Dick's best girl, Lynne,

85. was getting straight A's at Colorado College.

86. Lynne had helped Dick get a scholarship at Yale...

87. where he did way more drinking than class attending.

88. Pretty soon, Dick got the boot.

89. Back then, they would've called

90. a guy like him a ne'er-do-well.

91. In today's parlance,

92. they would just call him a dirtbag.

93. Man down!

94. Ooh!

95. His leg looks like an Elvis dance move.

96. Somebody give that poor son of a bitch a shot of whiskey.

97. All right, back to work.

98. I said, back to work.

99. Take him into town, put five dollars in his pocket.

100. Find another man for tomorrow.

101. Somebody help.

102. You got a problem, Cheney?

103. No, sir.

104. Huh?

105. Are we becoming friends?

106. Will you stop touching me?

107. What?

108. What are you gonna do about it, Mr. Yale?

109. Huh? Whoo!

110. The fuck you gonna do about it, Mr. Yale? Come on!

111. There you go.

112. Two times.

113. Two times!

114. I have to drag you out of that jail

115. like a filthy hobo.

116. I'm sorry, Lynne.

117. What?

118. - What did you just say? - I'm sorry, Lynnie.

119. You're sorry? Don't call me "Lynnie."

120. You're sorry.

121. One time is "I'm sorry."

122. Two times makes me think that I've picked the wrong man.

123. You already got your ass thrown out of Yale

124. for drinking and fighting.

125. And now you're just going to be a lush

126. that hangs power lines for the state?

127. Are you gonna live in a trailer?

128. We're gonna have ten kids? Is that the plan?

129. Can we discuss this later, please?

130. No, we're gonna discuss this right now

131. while you smell like vomit

132. and cheap booze.

133. - Does Dick want some coffee? - What?

134. Mom, get out!

135. Get out. "Does Dick want some coffee?"

136. Jesus Christ!

137. Okay. Here's my plan.

138. All right?

139. Either you stand up straight...

140. and you get your back straight...

141. and you have the courage to become someone,

142. or I'm gone.

143. I know a dozen guys

144. and a few professors at school who would date me.

145. I love you, Lynne.

146. Then prove it!

147. Prove it!

148. I can't...

149. go to a big Ivy League school,

150. and I can't run a company or be mayor.

151. That's just the way the world is for a girl.

152. I need you.

153. And right now you are a big, fat, piss-soaked zero.

154. I've... I've seen my mom waitin' up all night

155. for my father to get home.

156. And I've seen my father drunk in this house

157. and raising his voice and way worse,

158. and I am not dancing that dance anymore. I'm not.

159. Do you know why I fuck her?

160. I'm not.

161. So can you change?

162. Can you change, or am I wasting my goddamn time?

163. I won't ever disappoint you again, Lynne.

164. You were chosen because of your hard work,

165. your diligence, and dedication.

166. Stated simply, you are America's best and brightest.

167. So let's go forward and learn and be of service.

168. God bless you all

169. and God bless this great nation.

170. And now, I'd like to introduce some... a young man from Illinois

171. who has done quite well for himself

172. here in the Capitol.

173. Representative Donald Rumsfeld.

174. Did Bob tell you that this internship is a great honor?

175. Huh?

176. Did he?

177. Huh? Yeah?

178. Well, it's not.

179. It's what we called in the Navy a "shit detail."

180. Donald Rumsfeld,

181. or "Rummy," as they called him,

182. was the former captain of the Princeton wrestling team

183. and an elite navyjet pilot.

184. Most congressmen use their power like an axe.

185. Best and brightest.

186. Rumsfeld, on the other hand, used his...

187. Where?

188. like a master of the butterfly knife.

189. And, like any master, if you got in his way,

190. he would cut you.

191. This can be a great opportunity.

192. An opportunity to work

193. in the hallways of decision-making

194. in the most powerful country in the goddamn world.

195. And if that doesn't give you a hard-on,

196. I don't know what will.

197. Sorry to the few ladies in the room.

198. This program didn't used to have girls, and now it does.

199. Anyway, I'm Don.

200. Whatever you do...

201. don't work for Bob over here.

202. He is the most boring son of a bitch in D.C.

203. Isn't that right, Bob?

204. All right, that's it.

205. Go get a congressman a cup of coffee.

206. And if his wife calls, he's always in a meeting.

207. All right, that's it. Scat.

208. Hey, I'm Alan.

209. You're the other guy from the University

210. - of Wisconsin, right? - Right.

211. Uh, so one of us is supposed to start

212. with a Democrat and the other a Republican.

213. Do you care if I go with the Dem?

214. 'Cause I did a lot of work with the DNC on campus, so...

215. Um, what party is, uh, the guy we just heard?

216. Well, there are three penises walking down the street.

217. Yeah, you, and who are the other two?

218. Rumsfeld is a Republican.

219. Perfect. 'Cause, uh...

220. that's what I am.

221. Don't lurk. Come in, damn it.

222. Um, Dick Cheney, reporting for work.

223. You're congressional relations

224. for my Office of Economic Opportunity,

225. and you will assist me in my job

226. as counselor to the president.

227. Right.

228. Jesus Christ, you want me

229. to pin your mittens to your sleeves

230. so you don't fuckin' lose 'em?

231. - Go. - Yes, sir.

232. Oh, and Cheney, your two DUIs came up on your transcript.

233. Don't worry. I vouched for you.

234. Thank you, sir.

235. No, thanks are when your neighbor Dottie

236. pulls your pud for the first time.

237. You owe me.

238. - Yes, sir. - Go!

239. The first thing our department did

240. was to conduct a sweeping audit

241. at the population distribution across the nation.

242. You will see that

243. the Office of Economic Opportunity benefits...

244. You're Rumsfeld's lackey, right?

245. Make sure he sees this.

246. We gotta get that on Nixon's desk, huh?

247. Roger Ailes, founder of Fox News.

248. He first pitched the idea as Conservative News

249. when he worked for Nixon as a media consultant.

250. Hey, Don.

251. Roger wants Nixon to start a Republican news TV network.

252. Forget it. Roger knows TV, but he doesn't know politics.

253. So I would do this flaming baton trick

254. And Dick would wait backstage with a bucket of water.

255. So I'm at the state finals,

256. and I throw up the baton, and...

257. it doesn't come down.

258. Cheney! Oh. Where did you find her?

259. It is doing nothing but damage

260. to our private health care institutions.

261. But I still got second place.

262. White families. Males.

263. Women. Hispanics. Minorities...

264. You're quiet. I like that.

265. You don't go blabbing about what cards you have.

266. I missed my flush draw about a month ago,

267. but everybody still seems to think I have pocket kings

268. except maybe fucking Haldeman.

269. Oh, I mostly play Hearts, so I'm not...

270. No, no, no.

271. For a man like Donald Rumsfeld,

272. he only wanted three things from his lackey.

273. He had to keep his mouth shut.

274. Do what he was told.

275. And always, always be loyal.

276. What it means is Nixon likes me,

277. but his circle hates me.

278. No, I'm sure that's not true.

279. So, what's it gonna be?

280. Is it a "yes" or a "no"?

281. It's a "yes."

282. You don't even know what the question is, do you?

283. - I'm assuming it's to... - No, no, no. It's okay.

284. That's exactly the kinda "yes" I was looking for.

285. Cheney had always been a so-so student

286. and a mediocre athlete.

287. But now, finally, he had found his life's calling.

288. He would be a dedicated and humble servant to power.

289. Here's your new office.

290. No windows, but all you'd see

291. are a bunch of hippies flipping off Nixon.

292. All right, then.

293. Now, at this point,

294. you're probably wondering who exactly I am.

295. Well, let me introduce myself.

296. My name is Kurt.

297. My favorite football team is the Steelers,

298. and me and my son, we love SpongeBob.

299. And if you're wondering how I know

300. so much about Dick Cheney,

301. well, let's just say we're kind of related.

302. We'll get to that later.

303. The Rifleman!

304. - Hello? - Lynnie,

305. guess where I'm calling from.

306. I am so proud of you right now, Dick Cheney.

307. I knew I picked the right man. I knew it even when I didn't.

308. We did it.

309. Have you seen Nixon? Hmm?

310. Hmm? Hmm?

311. I did. I met him. I shook his hand.

312. Oh, my gosh. And he called you

313. - He gave me that, uh... - By name, like he actually...

314. that impish smile of his.

315. I gotta pinch myself.

316. Pardon my French.

317. It is the best fucking feeling in the world.

318. I can only imagine. I am so proud of you.

319. - I love you. - We are proud of you.

320. Your girls are proud of you. Are you proud of your daddy?

321. Yes.

322. Can you say you're proud of your daddy?

323. My daddy.

324. You're proud of your daddy.

325. Oh, my goodness.

326. Dick Cheney's office.

327. So, now that I'm not just flipping cards,

328. I have a few ideas.

329. Stop.

330. See that door?

331. To Kissinger's office?

332. That's right.

333. I happen to know that Nixon is in there right now.

334. Now, why would Nixon

335. not be meeting Kissinger in the Oval Office?

336. He's having a conversation

337. he doesn't want to go on the record?

338. Very good.

339. What is the conversation?

340. We're going to bomb Cambodia.

341. Well, that's impossible.

342. That needs approval by Congress.

343. I'm over there every day.

344. Oh, fuck Congress. Unless you're in it.

345. Then it's the greatest deliberative body on earth.

346. But we're not, so fuck it.

347. But didn't the president campaign on ending the...

348. Listen to me, listen to me.

349. Because of the discussion

350. that Nixon and Kissinger are having right now

351. behind that door

352. five feet away from us,

353. in a couple of days, 10,000 miles away,

354. a rain of 750-pound bombs

355. dropped from B-52s

356. at 20,000 feet,

357. will hit villages and towns all across Cambodia.

358. Thousands will die.

359. And the world will change, for better or worse.

360. That is the kind of power that exists

361. in this squat little ugly building.

362. Screw Kissinger. He's overrated. Let's go.

363. So, what are we...

364. - Um, you know, I mean... - Spit it out.

365. - What are you trying to say? - Are we against spending?

366. What do we believe?

367. What do we believe?

368. "What do we believe?"

369. Oh. That's very good.

370. "What do we believe?"

371. Oh, shit!

372. Like that, through there.

373. - You wanna try? - Yeah.

374. You find out what the fish want.

375. In this case, it's a worm.

376. And then, uh, we use it to catch him.

377. Look it. Look it.

378. Dada. Dada, look.

379. The family gets to eat.

380. Is it a good trick we're playing, for the worms?

381. It's not good or bad. It's fishing.

382. I don't want this one hurt.

383. Dick had taken a job

384. as a political consultant for a large financial firm,

385. where he was finally making good money.

386. He took the job because Nixon's inner circle

387. had had enough of Donald Rumsfeld.

388. I'm out.

389. They're sending me to Brussels.

390. What?

391. Nixon is making me permanent ambassador to NATO.

392. Or as he called it...

393. It's a fuck-off assignment.

394. Kissinger and Haldeman won.

395. Why don't you come with me?

396. I got a four and a seven-year-old, Don.

397. Tell Don we are not moving

398. just because everyone at the White House hates him.

399. Good boy!

400. I taught you well these past couple of years.

401. I'm sorry, Don.

402. I really am.

403. Don't worry.

404. I'm like bedbugs.

405. You'll have to burn the mattress to get rid of me.

406. Dick was becoming sharper and sharper

407. as a D.C. insider.

408. And Lynne had started to write articles

409. and explore ideas for her first novel.

410. Dick.

411. Dick.

412. Then she received news from back home in Casper.

413. The Lord is my shepherd.

414. I shall not want.

415. Lynne's mother Edna,

416. who had avoided the water her whole life,

417. was found drowned in the local Casper lake.

418. paths of righteousness.

419. They said her and Wayne, Lynne's dad,

420. had had a nasty argument an hour before.

421. She doesn't swim, Dick.

422. - My mother doesn't swim. - What happened?

423. She never swam. I don't... I don't know.

424. She just never swims, and then...

425. There was never a serious investigation

426. into Lynne's mom's death.

427. You wanna see me do a handstand right here?

428. - No. Don't. Dad. Dad. - I can do it right here.

429. They're getting so big.

430. You're gonna be all right, Dad.

431. - Yeah. Yeah. - They're big girls.

432. God, Dad...

433. So listen, after this we should...

434. What should we do? Should we go get some food?

435. Girls...

436. Dick, they were saying maybe...

437. Why don't you go to the car?

438. Come on, girls, let's listen to your father, all right?

439. They're gettin' so beautiful, Dick. It's amazing.

440. - Mmm. - Just...

441. You catching any fish?

442. How are you, Dick?

443. Things going good in D.C.?

444. Don't ever go near my daughters or my wife again.

445. Hmm.

446. Big shot!

447. "Big shot in D.C." Dick.

448. Sir?

449. - Thanks. - Mm-hmm.

450. So, uh, what do you got?

451. Page eight.

452. Hassan Mustafa Nasr,

453. a cleric based in Milan, Italy.

454. He's a member of al-Gama'a al-Islamiyya,

455. the group that killed Anwar Sadat.

456. That's the blind sheikh, right?

457. There's some debate at Langley

458. on whether they're a threat or not.

459. They claim to be peaceful now.

460. I claim to be eating healthy.

461. Okay.

462. Go pick him up.

463. What's the next name?

464. Well, Mr. Vice President,

465. there's been some chatter about, uh, uh...

466. an engineering student from Berlin...

467. I have never been a quitter.

468. To leave office before my term is completed

469. is abhorrent to every instinct in my body.

470. But as president...

471. I must put the interests of America first.

472. America needs a full-time president.

473. Nixon forgot about the voice-activated recorders.

474. He got sloppy.

475. Is the president being punished?

476. No, no. The president has a lot of enemies.

477. Brussels, please.

478. You need to remember, Lizzie...

479. The fight in the months ahead for my personal vindication...

480. that if you have power, people will always try to take it from you.

481. Always.

482. - Yeah. - Yes, ma'am.

483. You remember that.

484. Donald Rumsfeld, please.

485. This is a tragedy.

486. That is our president.

487. This is ridiculous.

488. I actually think this could be very, very good news.

489. The way I see it, any Republican not touched

490. by Watergate is golden right now.

491. Nice. Well, Ford called me before my plane took off,

492. and I think we're in.

493. Oh, still driving this chick magnet, huh?

494. You can always take the bus.

495. Therefore...

496. I shall resign the presidency,

497. effective at noon tomorrow.

498. Vice President Ford will be sworn in

499. as president at that hour...

500. So what's the plan?

501. Well, the plan is to take over the damn place.

502. Who lit a fire under your ass?

503. I haven't flipped cards for a long time, Don.

504. They gave me the keys to the damn palace.

505. Chief of Staff.

506. Holy shit.

507. You salty son of a bitch.

508. You did it.

509. All right, we have work to do.

510. Kissinger is trying to kiss and make up with the Soviets.

511. Well, let's make sure that shit doesn't happen.

512. Yeah.

513. If I may, I believe I may have a way

514. to put an oar in the water on Russia.

515. What if we create...

516. - Mr. President. - Hold on, Henry, let's hear Dick out.

517. One of Dick Cheney's special superpowers

518. was the ability to make

519. the most wild and extreme ideas

520. sound measured and professional.

521. What if, on a unilateral basis,

522. we all put miniature wigs on our penises

523. and we walked out to the White House lawn

524. and jerked each other off?

525. So, like a puppet show, but much more enjoyable.

526. Hmm. I do like a good puppet show.

527. I say we do it.

528. Henry Kissinger has been relieved

529. as national security advisor

530. and replaced by Brent Scowcroft.

531. They're calling it the Halloween Massacre.

532. - Mr. President. - Hold on, Henry.

533. Donald Rumsfeld has replaced

534. Secretary of Defense James Schlesinger.

535. And Dick Cheney has been chosen as the...

536. Youngest Chief of Staff in history.

537. - It's amazing. It's a dream. - It's real.

538. And Don is the youngest Secretary of Defense ever.

539. Well, I'm not talking about Don.

540. I'm talking about you.

541. And I'm going to give you

542. a kiss right here in the White House.

543. Excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Cheney,

544. these girls were trying to enter the Oval Office.

545. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

546. - Girls... - Hey. Hey, there. Hey, you!

547. Girls, this is not a playground. Please do not...

548. Hey, you. Hey.

549. Is this where Santa lives?

550. It's even better. It's even better.

551. This is where...

552. the leader of the greatest nation

553. on earth lives.

554. Are you one of his elves, Daddy?

555. In a way, yes.

556. No, he is not, Mary.

557. Your father is Chief of Staff.

558. Chief of Staff.

559. If you're silly with her,

560. she'll grow up to be a silly woman.

561. Right, of course. I forgot.

562. That's just, uh... That's just silly, Mary.

563. And as the new Chief of Staff,

564. and with the presidency weakened by Watergate,

565. Dick Cheney wanted to find out

566. exactly how much power did the president have.

567. I would like to reinstate executive authority.

568. How?

569. Antonin Scalia,

570. a young lawyer with the Justice Department

571. who would later go on to serve on the Supreme Court

572. rocked Dick's world.

573. Interesting you should ask.

574. Are you familiar with the theory

575. of the unitary executive?

576. No. Tell me about it.

577. Uh, it is an interpretation

578. that few, like myself, happen to believe,

579. in Article Il of the Constitution

580. that vests the president

581. with absolute executive authority.

582. And I mean absolute.

583. - Hey, baby? - Yep?

584. You wanna take Cole to the high chair?

585. Come on, buddy.

586. I've gotta try and explain

587. this thing to the people.

588. Oh, aren't you hungry?

589. The unitary...

590. executive...

591. theory.

592. Certain legal scholars believe that

593. if the president does anything,

594. it must be legal,

595. because it's the president.

596. To hell with checks and balances,

597. especially during times of war.

598. This was the power of kings, pharaohs, dictators.

599. - This is perfect. - Mm-hmm.

600. Dick Cheney was a foot soldier

601. in the power games of Washington, D.C.

602. But with the unitary executive theory,

603. he could become...

604. Galactus, Devourer of Planets.

605. But then it was election night,

606. and there was one big problem.

607. The winner, with 272 electoral votes...

608. we had wondered which one of us

609. was going to make this announcement.

610. James Earl Carter,

611. the next president of the United States.

612. And just like that, it was all over.

613. Dick Cheney, the president's Chief of Staff,

614. he does not have a job.

615. At one point, he was a broker.

616. It can't be. It's got to be some sort of a mistake.

617. - A miscalculation. - There goes the neighborhood.

618. Well...

619. thank you all.

620. The Republicans have lost the presidency.

621. They are the minority in Congress and in most states.

622. With America demanding change, I don't see...

623. The GOP is a party in disarray.

624. Clearly, Watergate, the Vietnam War...

625. President Carter went up

626. on the roof of the White House today

627. to show off the new solar water heaters

628. installed there.

629. Today, in directly harnessing

630. the power of the sun, we are taking

631. the energy that God gave us,

632. the most renewable energy that we will ever see,

633. and using it to replace our dwindling supplies

634. of fossil fuels.

635. There is no longer any question

636. that solar energy

637. is both feasible and also cost-effective.

638. went on to be Secretary of Defense.

639. Al Haig, who became Supreme Allied Commander in Europe,

640. and, uh, Bob Haldeman, who is doing time

641. in a California penitentiary.

642. Well, not me. Not me, sir.

643. I... I will become the gentleman from Wyoming.

644. Most of all, and hear this,

645. uh, taxes must go down.

646. I'll say it again, taxes must go down.

647. - Talk. Talk. - We must ameliorate

648. the pain of taxes for the working man

649. and bring, uh...

650. perspicacity to the fore.

651. I'm as much a Wyomingite, our, uh, demonym...

652. Blah, blah, blah.

653. Thank God for name recognition.

654. as Jedediah Smith.

655. Well, um, enough of the horsing around.

656. Although that is, of course, what, uh, us cowboys do.

657. Um...

658. Uh, vote for Cheney for Congress.

659. I will not let you down, you can count on me.

660. And, uh, thank you.

661. Vote for, uh, Cheney in Congress.

662. Either he drinks next time or I do.

663. Yeah...

664. I don't want anyone to panic,

665. but, uh, I do believe I have to go to the hospital.

666. Now.

667. It's an inferior wall infarct.

668. But that... that can be fixed, right?

669. If it was up to me,

670. you'd drop out of the election.

671. But you've both made that clear

672. that it's not an option,

673. so you must have a minimum of two weeks bed rest.

674. Two weeks off, we'll lose our lead.

675. Like hell we will.

676. Dick Cheney has an illness,

677. so he can't be here today.

678. But we got his wife, and she's a darn pretty girl.

679. Lynne Cheney!

680. Hello...

681. Hello, how are you today?

682. Good, good, good to hear.

683. Uh, it's really nice to be back in my home state.

684. See, I grew up in Wyoming, but it seems that, uh,

685. somewhere along the line,

686. Washington, D.C. stopped listening

687. to real folks like us

688. and started only listening to liberal snobs

689. who want us all to lose our jobs

690. to affirmative action.

691. Mm-hmm.

692. Okay, Lynne. Let's...

693. That's right.

694. You know, I went to New York City.

695. Women in New York City are burning their bras.

696. Well, you know what women in Wyoming do with our bras?

697. We wear them.

698. We wear them.

699. Here in Wyoming,

700. we believe there is a right and a wrong...

701. Because I'm a mom and a wife from Wyoming

702. and I know how it feels to make every penny count.

703. And not only do I speak for you,

704. but my husband, Dick Cheney...

705. A hard wind of change

706. had been blowing through America.

707. Civil rights, Roe v. Wade, environmentalism,

708. but there was a part of the country

709. that was angry about this change.

710. Thanks to my amazing wife.

711. It's good to be joining you all here in D.C.

712. as Wyoming's sole congressional representative.

713. And then, big money families

714. like the Kochs and the Coors

715. that were sick of paying income taxes

716. rolled right into Washington, D.C.

717. and started writing fat checks

718. to fund right-wing think tanks...

719. that would change the way

720. many Americans looked at the world.

721. Finally, in 1980, this unlikely revolution

722. of the super-rich and white conservatives

723. found its face.

724. For those without skills,

725. we'll find a way to help them get new skills.

726. For those withoutjob opportunities,

727. we'll stimulate new opportunities,

728. particularly in the inner cities where they live.

729. For those who've abandoned hope,

730. we'll restore hope and we'll welcome them

731. into a great national crusade

732. to make America great again.

733. Thank you very much.

734. God bless America.

735. It was the fucking 1980s,

736. and it was a hell of a time to be Dick Cheney.

737. Vote on H.R.4445,

738. the Undetectable Firearms Act,

739. to ban plastic guns that can evade metal detectors.

740. Nay.

741. Well, thank you, Congressmen Cheney.

742. I hear you've been quite the ally.

743. establishing Martin Luther King Jr. Day

744. as a federal holiday.

745. H.R.36441, the Endangered Species Act.

746. Mr. T is here, right with the First Family.

747. Vote on H.R.500, the Water Quality Act.

748. - Out! - Woo!

749. Vote on H.R.44...

750. Someone call an ambulance!

751. Can you breathe?

752. I'm having a heart attack, you idiot.

753. Thank you, Alex, for your very responsible...

754. Oh, congratulations.

755. Thank you. I was very, very excited...

756. - We are not wolves. - Thank you.

757. No, thank you.

758. Oh, they're both brilliant but broke.

759. - Hey, George. - Hey, Dick.

760. Hello, Lynne.

761. Congratulations on your appointment.

762. Oh, well, thank you, Mr. Vice President.

763. How is your lovely family?

764. Well, we think our son Jeb seems cut out for office.

765. We may be asking for your endorsements in a few years.

766. Well, if he's half as charming as you are, George,

767. then you'll have both of our votes.

768. Ah, can I get that in writing?

769. Oh, yeah, of course.

770. Dick, I just want to say thank you

771. for getting the House not to override

772. the president's veto on the fairness doctrine.

773. No, not a problem.

774. Happy to get rid of any big government regulations.

775. Thank you. Great.

776. The fairness doctrine was a law from the 40s

777. that required any broadcast TV or radio news

778. to present both sides of an issue equally.

779. Its repeal would lead to the rise of opinion news.

780. Let me tell you something, you skinny human prophylactic.

781. Love is the only human emotion you can't fake.

782. Except women. And thank God they can.

783. And eventually to the realization

784. of Roger Ailes' dream.

785. Fox News, which would go on to become

786. the number one news station in the United States

787. and swing America even more to the right.

788. Thank you. Great.

789. Sorry. Sorry. Hey, it's all right.

790. Lighten up, sweetheart. It's a party.

791. Let me go see if I can see

792. if everything's okay over there.

793. Great to see you both. Love to the girls.

794. - Love to Barbara. - Will do.

795. - That's his son. - Oh, crap.

796. George W., black sheep of the family.

797. - Very boring people. Only in America... - Let's go.

798. A little too much unconditional love there.

799. Can you feel it, Dick?

800. Half the room wants to be us.

801. The other half fears us.

802. I know George is next in line, but...

803. after that, who knows?

804. I respect the hell out of Reagan,

805. but no one has shown the world the true power

806. of the American presidency.

807. Excuse me, Miss Mary!

808. You cannot leave the grounds during school hours. Mary!

809. Well, I don't understand.

810. You just left school? Why?

811. It doesn't make any sense.

812. It was Susan.

813. Susan, your best friend?

814. Oh, honey, did you get in a fight over a boy or...

815. She broke up with me.

816. Mom, Dad...

817. I...

818. I like girls.

819. I'm gay.

820. It doesn't matter, sweetheart.

821. We love you no matter what.

822. Daddy.

823. I love you so much.

824. This is going to make things...

825. so hard for you.

826. When George Bush Sr. was elected president,

827. Dick Cheney was made Secretary of Defense,

828. sixth in line to the presidency.

829. And after a few years,

830. it was Dick's turn to run for president.

831. So they decided to do some early polling numbers.

832. Uh-huh. Guess that's it.

833. We can move those numbers. Just...

834. go after the welfare state,

835. - regulations, government waste. - It'll be war.

836. No.

837. I, uh...

838. I can't put Mary through that.

839. Every primary opponent will go after her.

840. And we deny.

841. Shame them for going after the family and...

842. You let Grandma go.

843. Come on. Good boy.

844. All right.

845. No. Oh, my goodness.

846. It's great, Philip.

847. Uh, Coors has me mapping out strategies

848. for people living alternative lifestyles.

849. The Coors are a wonderful family.

850. They're good people.

851. Who is calling on a Sunday morning?

852. I don't know.

853. Okay. I'm coming.

854. I'm comin'.

855. Hello.

856. That's right.

857. Mm-hmm.

858. Any way I can be of assistance.

859. Yep, now that should work. 3:00 p.m.

860. Of course.

861. Oh, that, uh...

862. that goes without saying.

863. Thank you.

864. No, thank you.

865. Who was that?

866. It was someone from

867. George Bush's son's, uh, campaign.

868. Jeb?

869. No, no, George W.

870. - Uh, Jeb's Florida. - Right, right.

871. Oh, I still can't believe they've got

872. that poor boy running for president.

873. What'd they want?

874. They want to talk to me about being his running mate.

875. What?

876. They didn't say it outright,

877. but, uh...

878. I've made that call myself.

879. That's what they want.

880. A vice president is a nothing job.

881. Mmm.

882. Well, I'll just hear 'em out.

883. I owe that to the father.

884. The VP just sits around

885. and waits for the president to die.

886. You've said so yourself.

887. Yeah, it's a cruddy job.

888. Yeah.

889. It's just a meeting.

890. Is it just a meeting?

891. It's just a meeting.

892. Good.

893. Yes, Governor.

894. Of course.

895. The governor will see you now, Secretary Cheney.

896. Sure.

897. Hey! Hello, Dick.

898. Hello, George.

899. It's been a while.

900. Last year.

901. Foreign policy sessions.

902. That's right. Yeah, that's right.

903. Those meetings were, uh...

904. very engaging.

905. I do remember we both agreed

906. my dad would've been re-elected

907. had he taken out Saddam.

908. Right. Yeah, wartime presidents.

909. Very popular.

910. That they are. That they are.

911. So...

912. Congratulations

913. on a... successful primary.

914. I've, uh, been through a few myself,

915. and they can be, shall we say...

916. Fuckin' exhausting.

917. Right.

918. Yeah.

919. It's a grind.

920. It's a grind, I'll tell you.

921. Buses, bologna sandwiches.

922. Hell, I like people, but, I mean,

923. you know, enough's enough.

924. So...

925. that call I received...

926. I forgot, you're a brass tacks guy,

927. aren't ya? I like that.

928. You surprised I'm running for president?

929. He wants to impress his father

930. more than anything.

931. After my, uh, shall we say, wild years?

932. Well, George, I sowed some oats myself

933. back in the day.

934. And I still enjoy a cold beer on occasion.

935. - I bet you did. - Mmm.

936. I bet you did, you rascal.

937. I can't anymore. It got bad.

938. Yeah.

939. Good times.

940. What does he really want?

941. What does he need?

942. It's tough, I'll tell ya.

943. I lost my first congressional race,

944. and it was not good.

945. How 'bout some brisket?

946. George, um...

947. Hey, Theresa! Hey, Theresa!

948. - Yell up, get some brisket. - All right, we'll find some.

949. - Get the burnt ends. - 'Course.

950. So listen, I got a...

951. "lack of experience" problem in the polls,

952. and you are one of the most experienced guys around.

953. You wanna jump on board, be my vice?

954. I'm honored.

955. Don't be honored, fuckin' say yes, Mr. Brass Tacks.

956. Mmm. I have to say, uh, no.

957. Dick, come on, we're gonna have a lot of fun.

958. What are you doin' right now? You're in the private sector?

959. Yeah.

960. Come on, I know you love politics.

961. George.

962. - Let's go. - Not gonna happen.

963. Come on now.

964. Well, that's a shame. It is.

965. Perhaps I could, uh...

966. help you find the right running mate.

967. Run my VP search team?

968. Mmm. No team. Just me.

969. Yeah, yeah, that could work, that could...

970. I have to run it by Rove, of course, but, uh...

971. If I lose, maybe I could become

972. commissioner of baseball.

973. You know?

974. But the, um, idea...

975. is to win.

976. I'm gonna keep you in the back of my mind.

977. So, are you going to tell me how it went today or not?

978. It was very interesting.

979. He is, uh...

980. green.

981. He's very green.

982. And you told him "no"?

983. I, uh...

984. I told him I would help with the, uh...

985. with the search.

986. What are you thinking?

987. - I can tell you're thinking. - Mm-hmm.

988. What was Dick Cheney thinking...

989. I'm thinking I've never seen anything like this.

990. after his first meeting with George W.?

991. We've had a lot of successes, Dick.

992. And the vice president is a nothing job.

993. How many steps ahead was he looking?

994. How did he feel about the opportunity

995. that was in front of him?

996. There are certain moments

997. so delicate...

998. like a teacup and saucer...

999. stacked on a teacup and saucer

1000. on a teacup and saucer...

1001. Can you change, or am I wasting...

1002. and on and on...

1003. that this moment could fall in any direction...

1004. and change everything.

1005. Sadly, there's no real way

1006. to know exactly what was going on

1007. inside the Cheneys...

1008. at this history-changing moment.

1009. We can't just snap into a Shakespearean soliloquy

1010. that dramatizes every feeling and motivation.

1011. That's just not the way the world works.

1012. My sweet Richard.

1013. Dance'd nimbly round the king's hearth thou hath.

1014. Even whilst clamored I for more, more!

1015. - Mm. - Parched maw craned towards

1016. the drip, drip of imagined waters.

1017. But I say to you now, rest, retire.

1018. Thou hast honored thy vows to wife and crown.

1019. Has blindness usurped vision in you, my wife?

1020. No mere treaty is our union.

1021. Thou shared thy torch's flame with mine.

1022. Revealing halls and spires...

1023. of long faded empires.

1024. And now, I may hold aloft

1025. mine own fiery cresset.

1026. And make flesh our bond of power.

1027. Dare I?

1028. Dare I let hope's beak place gathered bramble

1029. upon my heart for future's nest?

1030. Many winters past hath I let this hope die,

1031. cruel winds silencing tiny birds' needy cries.

1032. Now that it hath arrived, I say yea.

1033. Yea.

1034. Mine own blood and will are yours

1035. 't i I p i e rced be

1036. the last soldier's breastplate,

1037. spilling forth its ruby jelly treasures.

1038. So?

1039. So I think we, uh, proceed.

1040. What about Mary?

1041. Mmm. It's VP.

1042. Not the same scrutiny.

1043. No. He has allies, Dick. Connections.

1044. You're new to his world. You don't know the landscape.

1045. Well, I had better conduct a very thorough search.

1046. Every stone, hell, every grain of sand...

1047. needs to be looked under for this questionnaire.

1048. Dick, we're asking for all financials,

1049. all medical, all interviews,

1050. press, writings, all legal records...

1051. Sometimes people use LLCs to hide certain monies.

1052. And?

1053. Any more comprehensive and we would need a rubber glove.

1054. - Sorry, Liz. - That wasn't offensive.

1055. Should I be offended?

1056. Well, I'm offended.

1057. Dave didn't worry if I'd be offended.

1058. Oh, a rubber glove, like a proctology exam.

1059. That's disgusting.

1060. Hello? Oh, hello...

1061. Dad, I'm taking the cheese off your pizza.

1062. - Honey? - Mmm?

1063. Dave.

1064. David. Thoughts?

1065. One. A big one.

1066. David Addington, Dick's main legal advisor

1067. and a huge believer in the unitary executive theory.

1068. He was known for telling people to their face

1069. that they're stupid.

1070. So the, uh, vice presidency is part of the executive branch.

1071. And because the VP casts

1072. tie-breaking votes in the Senate,

1073. also part of the legislative branch, right?

1074. - Right. - That means...

1075. the VP is also

1076. not part of the executive or the legislative.

1077. So,

1078. one could argue that, uh...

1079. neither branch

1080. has oversight of the VP.

1081. Not only could one argue that, I'm arguing it.

1082. That's brilliant, David.

1083. I know. Right?

1084. Karl Rove wanted me to buy this ranch,

1085. distance myself from my years at Yale and Harvard,

1086. make me more of a man of the people for the election.

1087. Mmm. Smart.

1088. So we gonna do this thing or what? I mean, is this happening?

1089. We, uh, have found some very interesting candidates.

1090. Um, if we could schedule

1091. a three-hour window to get through...

1092. I meant you. I want you to be my VP.

1093. - You're the solution to my problems. - No.

1094. I'm CEO of a large company.

1095. I have been, uh, Secretary of Defense.

1096. I have been Chief of Staff.

1097. Uh, the vice presidency is mostly a symbolic job.

1098. Right, right.

1099. I can see how that wouldn't be, uh...

1100. enticing to you.

1101. However...

1102. the vice presidency is also defined by the president.

1103. And if we were to come to a, uh...

1104. different understanding...

1105. Uh-huh. Go on.

1106. I'm listenin'.

1107. I sense that, uh, you're a kinetic leader.

1108. You make decisions based on instinct.

1109. I am. People always said that.

1110. Yeah, yeah. Very different.

1111. Very different from, uh,

1112. from your father in that regard.

1113. Now, maybe I can, uh,

1114. handle some of the more mundane jobs.

1115. Overseeing bureaucracy,

1116. managing military,

1117. uh, energy, uh, foreign policy.

1118. That sounds good.

1119. Never wanna be the kind of team owner

1120. that, uh, pulls the starter in the fourth inning.

1121. - Mm-hmm. - That's the manager's job.

1122. One more thing.

1123. My daughter, Mary.

1124. Right. Rove told me she likes girls.

1125. Now, I know you have to, uh, run against, uh,

1126. gay marriage in the South, Midwest, and, uh...

1127. But it's my daughter,

1128. and that line is drawn in concrete.

1129. Don't you say another word.

1130. So long as you don't mind us pushing that messaging,

1131. we're okay with you sittin' that one out.

1132. I think it's important for all the...

1133. all the Marys in the world, you know?

1134. No problemo. We got a deal?

1135. Then I believe this could work.

1136. Hot damn!

1137. Yeah. Well, good. Hey, let's celebrate.

1138. Secretary Cheney visited me and Laura

1139. at our ranch in Crawford, Texas...

1140. - Cheers. - Cheers.

1141. I realized the best choice was standing by my side.

1142. Please welcome my friend

1143. and my running mate, Dick Cheney...

1144. and his lovely wife Lynne.

1145. Dick never filled out

1146. his own 83-question questionnaire.

1147. Full medical records were never handed over.

1148. No tax or corporate filings. Nothing.

1149. Cheney! Cheney! Cheney!

1150. Cheney! Cheney!

1151. To reach more of his senior aides

1152. to find out reasons.

1153. But we were told when he came over,

1154. he had already called Governor Bush,

1155. he had wished him well, and that he would deliver

1156. a brief concession speech here tonight.

1157. I don't know.

1158. I think we're all sitting around

1159. wondering what it is that, uh,

1160. - he may be doing backstage. - They just keep going on and on.

1161. Gore rescinded his concession.

1162. They're claiming Florida is too close to call.

1163. He can't fucking rescind his concession.

1164. He just did.

1165. The Russians are loving this.

1166. There's gonna be a recount, so...

1167. I don't know.

1168. What should we do?

1169. We play it like we've already won.

1170. Which means we need to staff the White House.

1171. All right. Who's leading the transition team?

1172. I'll do it.

1173. That's not something a vice president really does, is it?

1174. Well...

1175. - It is now. - Vice President Gore

1176. has called Governor Bush

1177. and retracted his concession,

1178. because he is now...

1179. - What? - ... of the mind that things could be

1180. turning yet again in Florida.

1181. You can't do that!

1182. I mean, that's laughable.

1183. Uh, Wolfowitz.

1184. - State? - Mmm.

1185. Or Pentagon?

1186. Depends on who your Secretary of Defense is.

1187. - Rummy. - Hundred percent.

1188. - Mm-hmm. - Rumsfeld?

1189. Uh, doesn't Bush Senior hate Rummy?

1190. Not such a bad thing with W.

1191. He wants to be his own man.

1192. Rumsfeld believes in a robust executive.

1193. That's good for us on war powers.

1194. Just keep him out of State, he'll start World War Ill.

1195. Look.

1196. Halliburton just gave us a $26 million exit package.

1197. Twice what we expected.

1198. They're no dummies.

1199. Uh, sorry, gang.

1200. Yep.

1201. Think, uh, perhaps I should go to the hospital.

1202. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Oh, come on.

1203. Oyez! Oyez! Oyez!

1204. All persons having business with the Honorable,

1205. the Supreme Court of the United States

1206. are admonished to draw near and give their attention,

1207. for the Court is now sitting.

1208. God bless the United States and...

1209. December 12th, 2000. Antonin Scalia, remember him,

1210. and the Supreme Court stopped the state of Florida

1211. from completing their recount.

1212. God save the United States

1213. - and this Honorable Court. - George W. Bush and Dick Cheney

1214. were going to the White House by a margin of 537 votes.

1215. Hey. Hey, little Mary Claire.

1216. Hey, little Mary, my little Mary.

1217. Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing? Hmm?

1218. Oh, they're both doing really well.

1219. Except, I'm trying to make this dinner.

1220. And it's, uh...

1221. It's this macaroni and cheese

1222. that you said was easy

1223. but it keeps just coming out like a little watery.

1224. It's the milk. Remember?

1225. You gotta add more milk.

1226. Yeah. It'll get thicker.

1227. No, no, no, no.

1228. I am. It's much better when you use the milk.

1229. There's just so much,

1230. so much I want to say right now,

1231. and just, you keep doing what you're doing.

1232. You're doing so great.

1233. You have earned something very special from your wife.

1234. Listen, listen, listen.

1235. I'm buying wine, and I'm picking something up.

1236. Chinese?

1237. Okay, I really love you.

1238. I love you.

1239. Yeah.

1240. Good morning to you, too.

1241. We've met a few times.

1242. - It's nice to see you. - Yes.

1243. Of course.

1244. All right. Let's...

1245. All right. Let's get this thing underway.

1246. Scooter, why don't you let everyone know

1247. the, um, lay of the land?

1248. Of course. As you all know,

1249. I am Scooter Libby,

1250. Dick's chief of staff.

1251. Uh, I'm also his national security advisor

1252. and a special advisor to the president.

1253. Technically, Scooter outranks any of Bush's people.

1254. Mary Matalin will serve as counselor to the VP

1255. and assistant to Bush.

1256. David Addington,

1257. Dick's main legal counsel,

1258. will play center field on all matters

1259. relating to executive power.

1260. The president has Alberto Gonzales,

1261. Karl Rove,

1262. Karen Hughes as his team.

1263. Quite frankly, Gonzales has no clue.

1264. Um... Rove is a hack.

1265. Hughes should be in double-A ball.

1266. So we will have fairly unobstructed access

1267. to the Oval Office.

1268. We will be automatically

1269. Bcc'd on all e-mails

1270. that the president receives or sends,

1271. as well as have access to his schedule

1272. the second that it is set or changed.

1273. And we will also be receiving

1274. the daily intelligence briefing before the president.

1275. That gets us inside the decision curve.

1276. Which we'll actually be reading.

1277. Bush approved all of this?

1278. Mmm, we have, uh,

1279. an understanding.

1280. What about the e-mails?

1281. Paper shredders don't work for e-mails.

1282. The entire administration will run off

1283. the RNC's private server.

1284. And we've deactivated automatic archiving.

1285. We're clean.

1286. Okay.

1287. So over at the Pentagon, we got Don,

1288. - Secretary of Defense. - Mm-hmm.

1289. Paul Wolfowitz,

1290. who worked with Team B in the Ford days,

1291. Deputy Secretary of Defense.

1292. Let's check, see what plans

1293. they had to invade Iraq.

1294. It's already in the works.

1295. Got Ashcroft over at the DOJ.

1296. State seems to be the only tricky department.

1297. That's Colin Powell, his guy Lawrence Wilkerson.

1298. Colin Powell, who never met a camera he didn't like.

1299. Wilkerson's a true believer.

1300. We've got Bolton over there.

1301. He's a loose cannon, but he's loyal.

1302. Mmm. I wanna get Liz in there as well.

1303. Let's make sure that happens.

1304. - Okay, Dad. - Consider it done.

1305. And this list of, uh, our people

1306. does not include about 800 others,

1307. uh, lobbyists, industry insiders

1308. that we placed in the regulatory jobs.

1309. What about Bush's friends?

1310. Ridge? Pataki? Thompson?

1311. I haven't heard their names.

1312. They were not, um, offered jobs

1313. in this administration, uh, at this time.

1314. Not offered jobs at this time?

1315. Are you even more ruthless than you used to be there, Dick?

1316. Or are you just not getting laid?

1317. All right, moving on.

1318. Um, got Paul O'Neill.

1319. You haven't been here in over twenty years.

1320. Times have changed.

1321. The, uh, softer touch,

1322. that's the norm now.

1323. We have the conservative TV and radio

1324. - doing the yelling for us. - Mm-hmm.

1325. Is your old friend embarrassing you?

1326. Is that it, Dick?

1327. Soft touch. That's all.

1328. All right, I have to go to my office

1329. at the House of Representatives.

1330. You mean the Senate?

1331. Vice president, tiebreaker in the Senate.

1332. Nope, I mean the House.

1333. Dick Cheney had used an old connection

1334. with former wrestling coach

1335. and Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert

1336. to get an office at the House of Representatives.

1337. The House is where revenue bills originate,

1338. and he wanted to be near the money faucet.

1339. Hey, Dick. Will this work for you?

1340. Two more offices in the Senate.

1341. Hey, Dick, I found this extra office.

1342. I hope it works for you.

1343. And one in the Pentagon.

1344. Welcome to your new home away from home.

1345. I got you a little housewarming gift.

1346. And later, when Cheney needed intelligence

1347. to invade Iraq,

1348. a conference room at the CIA.

1349. This room is soundproof and secure.

1350. Cheney was everywhere.

1351. But the most powerful place in all of D.C.

1352. was a nondescript conference room

1353. at a relatively new think tank

1354. called Americans for Tax Reform.

1355. Grover Norquist ran the anti-tax group

1356. with huge funding from the Koch brothers network,

1357. big oil, and big tobacco.

1358. His "Wednesday meeting,"

1359. as it was called, had become the center

1360. of the Republican world.

1361. Let's go ahead and start with the estate tax.

1362. Now, this has been hard to eliminate,

1363. because the tax only affects those estates

1364. worth over two million.

1365. But we've made strides,

1366. and marketing guru Frank Luntz is here to help.

1367. Hello, all.

1368. Getting regular people to support cutting taxes

1369. on the very wealthy

1370. has always been extremely hard.

1371. We've had some success in the past,

1372. but the estate tax has always been very difficult.

1373. However...

1374. I think we may have had a breakthrough.

1375. Now, the estate tax kicks in

1376. on anyone inheriting over two million dollars.

1377. How many of you have a problem with that?

1378. Okay. How many of you would have

1379. a problem with something called

1380. a death tax?

1381. Instead of global warming,

1382. which we all agree sounds very scary...

1383. we call it...

1384. climate change.

1385. Folks, the government

1386. is taking your money after you die.

1387. Now, we all know the Democrats

1388. despise tax cuts, especially for the rich.

1389. I want somebody to get rid

1390. of the death tax, that's what I want.

1391. I don't want to get taxed just 'cause I die.

1392. I mean, give me a break!

1393. If I give something to my kid, I already paid the tax.

1394. Why I gotta pay again 'cause I died?

1395. It's like being chastised! I hate it.

1396. The death tax has to go.

1397. The elite liberals in Washington would tax us

1398. for laughing or crying if they could.

1399. So, with one of the biggest media

1400. and political machines ever created behind him,

1401. Cheney was able to squash action on global warming,

1402. cut taxes for the super rich,

1403. and gut regulations for massive corporations.

1404. And then there was Cheney's

1405. National Energy Policy Development Group.

1406. His first major test to expand executive power.

1407. I don't understand what the goddamn problem is.

1408. I want to hear what the energy CEOs need,

1409. and I'm not allowed to?

1410. - It's called FACA. - The hell is FACA?

1411. It's the Federal Advisory Committees Act.

1412. Congress got their panties in a bunch that, you know,

1413. elected officials would just let CEOs roll in

1414. and, you know, write the laws.

1415. The act demands that, uh,

1416. appropriate government employees be present.

1417. Hold on a second.

1418. What's your name?

1419. Doug.

1420. Doug, how long have you been working reception

1421. at the Department of Energy?

1422. Three months.

1423. Perfect.

1424. So what am I supposed to do here?

1425. Just sit there and be quiet.

1426. Got it.

1427. - Gentlemen. - Hello.

1428. Hello...

1429. How's your business at...

1430. - We're good. - Our stock...

1431. And California has been really...

1432. - since deregulation. - Great to hear.

1433. Oh. He's with the energy department.

1434. The details of Cheney's meetings

1435. with the energy CEOs were never disclosed.

1436. But a Freedom of Information request

1437. did provide some documents,

1438. including a map of Iraq's oil fields

1439. with all of the oil companies

1440. that would be interested in acquiring them

1441. if somehow they were ever to become available.

1442. And then, it happened.

1443. Would you like to lower your monthly mortgage payments

1444. or use the equity in your home to consolidate

1445. your credit card or other debts?

1446. Just log...

1447. Yeah. This just in.

1448. You are looking at obviously

1449. a very disturbing live shot there.

1450. That is the World Trade Center,

1451. and we have unconfirmed reports this morning

1452. that a plane has crashed into one of the towers.

1453. It... it does not appear

1454. that there's any kind of an effort up there yet.

1455. Now, remember... Oh, my God.

1456. - Oh, God! - Dear God.

1457. That looks like a second plane.

1458. Mr. Vice President, we have information

1459. that a plane's headed to the White House this moment.

1460. We have less than a minute to get to the secure underground bunker.

1461. Let's go! Move!

1462. Move!

1463. Move! It's clear!

1464. Sir, this way. Right now.

1465. Capitol is being evacuated, we're told,

1466. and clearly that shot that we have on our screen now,

1467. this is the Pentagon

1468. just across the river from Washington, D.C.

1469. You got to believe...

1470. I need you to take me to Dick.

1471. Mrs. Cheney, we cannot go back to the White House,

1472. I am being told no one...

1473. Either you take me to the White House...

1474. Author is on the move. Coming out.

1475. the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center.

1476. Have you gotten the Prime Minister yet?

1477. headed directly into the World Trade Center.

1478. It just flew into it.

1479. Canada's prime minister is on the phone.

1480. That's right, we got planes in the air

1481. and nowhere for them to land.

1482. Permission for them to land at Canadian airports,

1483. international flights into Newfoundland.

1484. I still have one plane unaccounted for

1485. flying over Pennsylvania.

1486. Sir, Donald Rumsfeld

1487. is at the Pentagon on line three.

1488. - That? - Mm-hmm.

1489. Yes, sir.

1490. You have authorization

1491. to shoot down any aircraft

1492. deemed a threat.

1493. Presidential authority?

1494. That is correct.

1495. All orders are UNODIR.

1496. - "UNODIR", sir? - Unless otherwise directed.

1497. Mr. Vice President, are we sure these are

1498. the proper rules of engagement?

1499. The country's under attack, the ROE is fluid.

1500. - David... Addington, David. - Yes, sir.

1501. Now, we don't know exactly

1502. what the people in that room were thinking.

1503. But it's safe to assume

1504. that at least one person wondered why

1505. in the midst of the most fateful day

1506. in American history

1507. was Dick Cheney talking to his lawyer.

1508. And, um, what, um...

1509. - Mr. Vice President? - ... authority will he need?

1510. So, start working on...

1511. Mr. Vice President?

1512. The congressional members you sent

1513. to Mount Weather Emergency Operations Center

1514. - wanna leave. - Nope.

1515. Excuse me?

1516. They're not going anywhere.

1517. Just, uh, tell them, um, we have all the helicopters.

1518. Yes, sir.

1519. I'm sorry, that is a negative.

1520. They are to remain where they are.

1521. There's no helicopters available for evac.

1522. That is correct.

1523. If you would be so kind to relay that information.

1524. Are we at war?

1525. Yes, we are.

1526. With whom?

1527. Depot street.

1528. Truck pulling in across from Depot Street.

1529. Unit 9-3. 0-3-15 negative.

1530. 1-5-2-7, Brian.

1531. God damn it.

1532. We picked up chatter

1533. from well-known Al-Qaeda operatives

1534. celebrating today's attack.

1535. We shouldn't rule out Iraq.

1536. But what's Al-Qaeda's leader's name?

1537. His name is Osama bin Laden.

1538. But this is clearly Al-Qaeda.

1539. I've been tracking their movements for years.

1540. Their fingerprints are all over this.

1541. Iraq has all the good targets.

1542. Iraq has nothing to do with this, Don.

1543. Richard, you don't know that for sure.

1544. I do know that.

1545. Mr. President, if I may.

1546. Afghanistan is Al-Qaeda's headquarters.

1547. - That is where our focus should be. - Yeah.

1548. And the CIA would be capable of taking out

1549. the Taliban's power structure.

1550. Yeah. All due respect, George,

1551. Mr. President...

1552. we are the Pentagon,

1553. and this is what we do.

1554. Don.

1555. Okay. We'll, uh, we'll go with Tenet and the CIA.

1556. I'll make some calls to our allies.

1557. Thank you, sir.

1558. I think, uh, given the current situation, Mr. President,

1559. it is wise that we not be in the same location

1560. for COG, Continuity of Government.

1561. Of course.

1562. We gonna be all right on this, aren't we?

1563. Yes, sir. Yes, we are.

1564. Angler has taken off to an undisclosed location.

1565. I repeat, Angler is airborne.

1566. Angler? That's the VP?

1567. I thought only the president could land

1568. and take off from the south lawn.

1569. What can I tell you?

1570. Today's fucked.

1571. This intelligence has been edited,

1572. redacted, and reduced.

1573. Mr. Vice President, usually we vet

1574. the daily intelligence threat matrix

1575. to eliminate unreliable sources, non-players...

1576. Stop. Don't you dare give me a damn disquisition...

1577. on what I cannot hear.

1578. Mr. Vice President,

1579. a lot of this intelligence is not verified.

1580. I'm gonna say this for the last time.

1581. I want to hear everything

1582. every day, from now on.

1583. Yes, sir.

1584. Proceed.

1585. We're tracking the possibility of bio-attacks

1586. using Sarin gas, cowpox, Ebola.

1587. There was a post on a dark website...

1588. about mass beheadings in residential areas.

1589. Movie studios, museums,

1590. subways, daycare centers may all be targets.

1591. A source has told an asset

1592. about fire-bombs targeting hospitals.

1593. A video was captured

1594. describing televised executions

1595. interrupting American network TV.

1596. Sporting events, tourist attractions,

1597. New Year's celebrations, religious ceremonies,

1598. are all hard targets.

1599. Machine-gun attacks at high-profile...

1600. Biological agents inside...

1601. Coordinated fire-bombings

1602. of commuter trains across North America.

1603. Water filtration plants targeted with bio-weapons

1604. and killing a million people.

1605. A briefcase nuke

1606. being driven into a major city and detonated.

1607. Airborne bio-weapons can be put

1608. into the air conditioning units

1609. of large shopping malls or casinos.

1610. A beloved celebrity has been targeted

1611. for kidnapping and possibly beheading.

1612. Phosphorus bombs,

1613. chlorine attacks, mustard gas, cluster bombs...

1614. I'm scared, Dick.

1615. I'll always take care of you, Lynne.

1616. You know that.

1617. What are you going to do?

1618. Move, move, move!

1619. So, while Powell, the CIA,

1620. and their international coalition

1621. toppled the Taliban and took Afghanistan

1622. in a matter of weeks,

1623. Cheney had found something much more powerful

1624. than missiles or jet planes.

1625. Mr. Vice President, this is John Yoo.

1626. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Vice President.

1627. So David told me you're looking

1628. for executive authority.

1629. Mm-hmm.

1630. John here is definitely your guy.

1631. The war we're now fighting

1632. will require resources and abilities that the, uh...

1633. the current interpretation of the law... impedes.

1634. The vice president believes

1635. it is the duty of the commander-in-chief

1636. to protect the nation

1637. and that no other obligation,

1638. whether to Congress or existing treaty

1639. supersedes that duty.

1640. How do you feel about that statement?

1641. I couldn't agree more.

1642. John Yoo's first legal opinion

1643. allowed the US government

1644. to monitor every citizens' phone calls,

1645. texts, and e-mails without a warrant.

1646. It was a giant legal leap

1647. based on sketchy law at best.

1648. But John Yoo's masterpiece,

1649. his Moby-Dick, if you will,

1650. was the torture memo.

1651. your fucking contact is!

1652. Where're your fucking hands?

1653. What about the Geneva Convention?

1654. The Geneva Convention is open to interpretation.

1655. What exactly does that mean?

1656. Stress positions,

1657. waterboarding, confined spaces, dogs...

1658. We're calling it "enhanced interrogation."

1659. Are we sure none of this fits

1660. in the definition of "torture"?

1661. The US doesn't torture.

1662. Therefore, if the US does it,

1663. by definition, it can't be torture.

1664. But torture and privacy laws

1665. weren't the only laws Cheney re-wrote with John Yoo.

1666. They had a full menu of legal opinions

1667. stretching and challenging constitutional

1668. and international law.

1669. Good evening, gentlemen.

1670. Tonight we're offering the enemy combatant,

1671. whereby a person is not a prisoner of war,

1672. or a criminal, which means of course

1673. that he has absolutely no protection under the law.

1674. We're also offering an extraordinary rendition

1675. where suspects are abducted without record on foreign soil

1676. and taken to foreign prisons

1677. in countries that still torture.

1678. Oh, that sounds delicious.

1679. We also have Guantanamo Bay,

1680. which is very, very complicated,

1681. but it does allow you to operate

1682. outside the purview of due process

1683. on land which isn't technically US territory,

1684. but where we still do have control.

1685. And also, we have a very fresh and delicious

1686. War Powers Act interpretation

1687. which gives the executive branch broad powers

1688. to attack nations or people

1689. who it deems still possibly a threat.

1690. We have the fact that under the unitary executive theory,

1691. if the president does anything,

1692. it must be legal.

1693. Which, of course, means you can do whatever the fuck you want.

1694. So, gentlemen,

1695. which would you like?

1696. Hmm. We'll, uh... We'll have them all.

1697. Excellent choice.

1698. Thank you.

1699. Look, Dick, uh, we've been working

1700. with these focus groups and advertising executives

1701. to try and sell the War on Terror.

1702. I'll reiterate, we are still being recorded,

1703. and there still may or may not be clients

1704. back behind the two-way mirrors...

1705. These guys are pretty sharp.

1706. Go on.

1707. There's a problem.

1708. The results show that people are confused.

1709. You all support the president,

1710. you hate terrorism, yet you're still confused.

1711. Can you tell me why? Anybody?

1712. Don't we have to just get Osama bin Laden? He did it.

1713. So why are they calling it a war? A war with who?

1714. Okay, thank you, Mark.

1715. Uh, Jasmine, jump in, please.

1716. I don't get what this Al-Qaeda is.

1717. Are they a country, like, why can't we just bomb them?

1718. That's really interesting.

1719. Um, is anybody else confused about what Al-Qaeda is?

1720. Show of hands, please.

1721. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...

1722. That's a lot of you. Right?

1723. Would it be less confusing

1724. if it was a country?

1725. Damn right.

1726. I'm angry as hell.

1727. We've gotta fuck someone up.

1728. Got it. Mark.

1729. Really strong feelings coming from Mark. I'm interested.

1730. Does anybody else feel the same or agree...

1731. They understand we're at war, but...

1732. they don't know against who.

1733. They want a country.

1734. It's cleaner, simpler.

1735. That would certainly help us legally.

1736. Hmm. Well...

1737. looks like it's time to take Iraq.

1738. It is about goddamn time.

1739. It's called the Office of Special Plans.

1740. Tenet is not yet serious enough

1741. about the threat that Saddam poses

1742. to the global war on terror.

1743. But I can promise you

1744. that this intelligence group will be.

1745. Wolfie, I got something.

1746. Truck transmissions.

1747. If there's a donkey with a radio up his ass,

1748. I wanna know what it's transmitting.

1749. I think that's an excellent idea.

1750. I've been wantin' to take that motherfucker Saddam down

1751. - for a long time. - Hmm.

1752. Here's a report that says Mohamed Atta,

1753. one of the 9-11 hijackers,

1754. may have met with an Iraqi spy in Prague.

1755. It's a really strong statement.

1756. Does anybody agree with that statement?

1757. Wait a minute. We can't just bomb people.

1758. - Oh, please. - Yeah, no.

1759. It's from Czech intelligence,

1760. and they question its credibility.

1761. I've been to Prague. They question everything.

1762. Who wants to be an anonymous source?

1763. Make sure you work in the phrase,

1764. "We don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud."

1765. That focus-grouped through the roof.

1766. There will always be uncertainty

1767. about when he will acquire nuclear weapons.

1768. But we don't want the smoking gun

1769. to be a mushroom cloud.

1770. There is a smoking gun or a mushroom cloud

1771. - we have waited too long. - Simply stated,

1772. there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein

1773. now has weapons of mass destruction.

1774. We gotta get rid of this dictator.

1775. He's got anthrax, he's got all these weapons...

1776. There is no doubt he is amassing them

1777. to use them against our friends,

1778. against our allies, and against us.

1779. When, and not if, but when

1780. Saddam creates and uses nuclear weapons,

1781. what will we tell the American people?

1782. Saddam Hussein will continue to increase his capacity

1783. to wage biological and chemical warfare.

1784. - Hello? - Whassup!

1785. To show that we will stand up for what we know to be right,

1786. to show that we will confront the tyrannies

1787. and dictatorships and terrorists

1788. who put our way of life at risk.

1789. of winning a second UN resolution

1790. authorizing war against Iraq.

1791. So tonight President Bush...

1792. and the hopes of an oppressed people...

1793. The tribe has spoken.

1794. Polling for an invasion of Iraq

1795. is at 53 percent.

1796. Focus groups show people

1797. still aren't sure about a connection

1798. between Saddam and Al-Qaeda.

1799. And France and Germany have both said

1800. that they will not join our coalition

1801. And neither will Israel.

1802. Ariel and I we went to the Wall together with Condi.

1803. We-we prayed together.

1804. Israel's one of our closest allies.

1805. They said an invasion of Iraq would...

1806. destabilize the region, sir,

1807. and that they don't believe Saddam is an immediate threat.

1808. That's not good.

1809. I really want a strong coalition for this.

1810. I have an idea.

1811. Secretary Powell has the highest

1812. trustworthy ratings of all of us.

1813. What if he gave an address to the UN

1814. and the American people

1815. to push this over the finish line?

1816. Karl, I have been very vocal,

1817. very vocal about my reservations about invading Iraq.

1818. Oh! Colin, you're such a nervous Nellie.

1819. - We are talking about invading... - A worry wart.

1820. - ... a sovereign nation... - Sovereign nation?

1821. - ... without any provocation, Don. - Don't give me that...

1822. It is a sovereign nation, Don.

1823. in any way, shape, or form. You're wrong.

1824. What's the exit strategy?

1825. What, what about the intelligence?

1826. - Does intelligence matter to you at all? - The exit strategy. Oh, please.

1827. - You break it, you bought it. - You know you're wrong.

1828. - You break it, you bought it. - You're a chicken-shit.

1829. All right. Hey, hey, hey, all right.

1830. Ho-ho-ho-ho.

1831. Let-let's slow down.

1832. That's enough of that, you guys.

1833. Well, are you...

1834. gonna take Saddam down or not?

1835. You are the president.

1836. War... is yours.

1837. Not the UN, not some coalition.

1838. Do not share powers...

1839. that are yours alone.

1840. George, make sure Powell sees the intelligence.

1841. Yes, sir.

1842. Colin, I want you to make that speech.

1843. I'm president, and I want this to happen.

1844. - Yes, sir. - Yes, sir.

1845. Yes, sir.

1846. I look forward to being briefed on that intelligence.

1847. On another note, I've been handed a credible report

1848. of a small terrorist enclave in North Eastern Iraq.

1849. If we're gonna invade,

1850. we suggest taking it out before.

1851. Let it go, George. We have bigger fish to fry.

1852. Let me see that intelligence.

1853. Of course.

1854. That classified document

1855. described a terrorist named Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi

1856. who had started as a drug dealer and pimp

1857. before becoming fully radicalized

1858. in a Jordanian prison.

1859. Zarqawi went to meet bin Laden in Afghanistan.

1860. Did he or did he not meet with Al-Qaeda?

1861. But Zarqawi had vowed to kill all Shia Muslims,

1862. and bin Laden's mother was Shia.

1863. So the meeting didn't go over well.

1864. They had no operational contact.

1865. Hogwash.

1866. Larry, have you seen this speech?

1867. Yes, sir. It's bone-thin.

1868. I saw at least five pieces of disproved intel in there.

1869. Who wrote it?

1870. They said it was the president,

1871. but I think you can guess who really wrote it.

1872. Well, there's no need to yell, Larry.

1873. Yeah, well, we reviewed the speech,

1874. we gave some notes.

1875. Powell really doesn't have a clue, does he?

1876. After the US invaded Afghanistan,

1877. Zarqawi set up shop in Iraq.

1878. It was the only connection Cheney had

1879. between Al-Qaeda and Iraq.

1880. The Security Council will now begin

1881. its consideration of item two of the agenda.

1882. I call now on the distinguished

1883. Secretary of State

1884. of the United States of America,

1885. His Excellency, Mr. Colin Powell.

1886. My purpose here today is to share with you

1887. what the United States knows

1888. about Iraq's weapons of mass destruction

1889. as well as Iraq's involvement in terrorism.

1890. Iraq, today, harbors a deadly terrorist network

1891. headed by Abu Musab al-Zarqawi,

1892. an associate and collaborator...

1893. Powell's UN address was seen by millions of Americans,

1894. but other people were watching as well.

1895. Collaborator of Osama bin Laden

1896. and his Al-Qaeda lieutenants...

1897. Zarqawi's activities are not confined...

1898. The great general of America

1899. saying his name over and over again

1900. immediately made Zarqawi a star.

1901. Staying in the capital of Iraq...

1902. Allahu Akbar!

1903. Within a day, he had gone into hiding.

1904. Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar!

1905. but these denials are simply not credible.

1906. They are simply not credible.

1907. An Al-Qaeda source tells us that

1908. Saddam and bin Laden reached an understanding

1909. that Al-Qaeda would no longer

1910. support activities against Baghdad.

1911. By the time we invaded Iraq,

1912. 70 percent of Americans thought

1913. that Saddam Hussein was involved in 9-11.

1914. Later, Colin Powell would call the speech

1915. the most painful moment of his life.

1916. Thank you, sir.

1917. And what was it? Justin, right?

1918. She can buy her album now, Mom.

1919. What was the girl's name that won?

1920. - No, Kelly. And then Justin. - Last year.

1921. What are you talking about?

1922. We're talking about American Idol, Dad.

1923. What is that?

1924. We watched it. You've seen it.

1925. - You've seen it... - I've watched it next to you.

1926. The singing, and the mean judge, and the...

1927. I don't like that...

1928. - The mean British judge? - You liked it.

1929. - You liked the mean British... - Oh, I like him.

1930. Yeah, you...

1931. Do you know how to stop a fish from smelling?

1932. Very appropriate.

1933. That's not a... That's a terrible joke.

1934. Well, I didn't finish it yet.

1935. I mean, everybody.

1936. You cut off its nose.

1937. Wait, what?

1938. I know, Grace, cover your ears please.

1939. - Cheers, honey. - Cheers. Oh, my gosh.

1940. - We're not. - No, we're not.

1941. We're not revisiting

1942. your father's colorful conversations...

1943. Let's just say that your dad...

1944. Again, another,

1945. disintegrating...

1946. Is the prompter visible for you?

1947. Yeah, yeah. Bring it a little closer. Yeah.

1948. How's my hair? All right?

1949. - Looks good. - Tie?

1950. And we are five, four, three...

1951. My fellow citizens, at this hour,

1952. American and coalition forces

1953. are in the early stages of military operations

1954. to disarm Iraq, to free its people

1955. and to defend the world from grave danger.

1956. On my orders, coalition forces have begun striking

1957. selected targets of military importance

1958. to undermine Saddam Hussein's ability

1959. to wage war.

1960. These are opening stages of what will be

1961. a broad and concerted campaign.

1962. To all the men and women of the United States Armed Forces

1963. now in the Middle East,

1964. the peace of a troubled world

1965. and the hopes of an oppressed people...

1966. Guys, over here. Two o'clock.

1967. Contact, two hundred yards.

1968. This statement from the White House,

1969. President Bush regards this as an historic moment.

1970. The scenes on television show

1971. the thirst for freedom is unquenchable.

1972. Striker One L-S-O,

1973. You are clear to land.

1974. USA! USA! USA!

1975. Good work.

1976. Hi. Um...

1977. It seems like they've been shipping men and equipment

1978. out of Afghanistan, into Iraq,

1979. and at the moment, we're a little unsure

1980. of what's going on.

1981. I don't want you to worry about me.

1982. Major combat operations in Iraq have ended.

1983. In the battle of Iraq,

1984. the United States and our allies have prevailed.

1985. We have concerns over Halliburton KBR's

1986. billing practices.

1987. As you know, the no-bid contracts they received

1988. were quite sizable, and now...

1989. Well, we're not concerned, are we?

1990. Not at all.

1991. The secretary of defense and the vice president

1992. just said they're not concerned.

1993. Now, can we please talk about Iran?

1994. To this day, Dick Cheney has never apologized

1995. for this incident.

1996. Jesus, Dick!

1997. - But someone else did. - Oh, hell.

1998. My family and I are deeply sorry

1999. for all that Vice President Cheney

2000. and his family have had to go through

2001. this past week.

2002. We send our love and respect to them.

2003. And we hope that he will continue to come to Texas...

2004. and seek the relaxation that he deserves.

2005. So, this, uh...

2006. Joe Wilson asshole...

2007. is questioning our intelligence

2008. in the New York Times.

2009. What's his wife's name again?

2010. Valerie Plame.

2011. I confirmed it. She's undercover CIA.

2012. Leak it.

2013. Okay, okay.

2014. Like, they don't care about their dogs, man.

2015. I mean they shoot 'em. They let 'em roam wild.

2016. What kinda man don't love a dog?

2017. People in India love cows.

2018. They look at us

2019. and how we treat cows and think the same thing.

2020. Cows. All due respect...

2021. that sounds like some liberal ass-scratchin' bullshit...

2022. Linda.

2023. Look at this crap.

2024. God damn it.

2025. Hello, Don.

2026. That report says Zarqawi,

2027. the same fucking Zarqawi we talked up for months,

2028. is now leading a major insurgence in Iraq.

2029. And the implication is it's because we talked him up.

2030. Has POTUS seen this?

2031. No, no, no.

2032. I... I intercepted it before it got across the hallway.

2033. And this is, this is generated by an analyst.

2034. Get me Tenet.

2035. This stops here.

2036. Abu Musab al-Zarqawi

2037. had taken his fame from Powell's UN speech

2038. and turned it into his own new thing.

2039. The Islamic State of Iraq and Levant...

2040. or ISIS.

2041. And because that intelligence somehow found itself

2042. on the bottom of a stack of papers...

2043. Zarqawi had a whole year

2044. to just do whatever the hell he wanted.

2045. And what he wanted...

2046. was carnage.

2047. Shia versus Sunni.

2048. The West versus Islam.

2049. And death versus life.

2050. And on top of that,

2051. US forces couldn't find any WMDs

2052. or nuclear programs in Iraq.

2053. Turns out that Saddam and his sons

2054. mostly liked cocaine

2055. and American movies from the '80s.

2056. Vice President Dick Cheney

2057. is being sued by Valerie Plame

2058. and her husband Joseph Wilson.

2059. The White House announced

2060. four cabinet resignations

2061. including that of Secretary of State Colin Powell.

2062. Dick.

2063. Look, I hope there's no hard feelings

2064. about us investigating the no-bid Iraq contract

2065. for Halliburton.

2066. You know, I'm just doing my job.

2067. Go fuck yourself.

2068. Dick Cheney emerges from the dugout

2069. on the third base side.

2070. There's a lot of energy that follows any opener,

2071. whether it be the opener to the regular season

2072. or, in this case, the home opener

2073. for the Washington Nationals.

2074. But there's continued buildup, Eddie, for this team

2075. because of the success they had last year

2076. in drawing some pretty good numbers.

2077. Dick Cheney, a little bit low and outside.

2078. Iraq War, now proven to be false.

2079. There is a chorus of people calling

2080. for Vice President Dick Cheney to step aside and resign.

2081. These issues may not be resolved for some time.

2082. Go away!

2083. I swear to God

2084. this whole place is turning against me.

2085. - Where are you? - I'm in an empty office

2086. just trying to get a clean phone line.

2087. Listen, if we could just get

2088. an air bombardment in Iraq,

2089. I think it would make a statement

2090. and it would give us some political cover.

2091. It's over, Don.

2092. What's that?

2093. What is?

2094. It's over.

2095. President wants you to step down.

2096. He appreciates your service.

2097. Don?

2098. Well, does, uh...

2099. Bush's kid want me out or do you?

2100. I can't win every fight, Don.

2101. You are a little piece of shit.

2102. Wow. How did you become such a cold son of a bitch?

2103. I'm sorry, Don.

2104. I really am.

2105. Well, you know how I know you're not?

2106. 'Cause I wouldn't be.

2107. Think they'll prosecute us?

2108. Okay, then.

2109. Okay, then.

2110. I, Barack Hussein Obama, do solemnly swear...

2111. That I will execute the office

2112. of president to the United States faithfully.

2113. Few years later,

2114. Dick's heart trouble started up again.

2115. And with no donor available,

2116. he finally found himself at death's door.

2117. Well?

2118. I wish I had... I had better news.

2119. Your heart just isn't pumping enough oxygen

2120. to keep your vital organs alive.

2121. Should I call for a minister?

2122. No, no. He's not going anywhere.

2123. Okay, then.

2124. Dick Cheney,

2125. you are not going anywhere, do you hear me?

2126. You're not going anywhere.

2127. This may be the, uh...

2128. one time, I, uh,

2129. I can't do...

2130. what your mother says, girls.

2131. - I love you, Daddy. - I love you, Mary.

2132. I love you, Lizzie.

2133. And we love you so much.

2134. We love you so much.

2135. My girls.

2136. I love you, girls.

2137. So Dick Cheney told his family that he was ready to die

2138. and that he wasn't afraid.

2139. He told them he had lived a full life

2140. and that he had zero regrets...

2141. Vice President Cheney, cross your arms, please.

2142. There you go. Okay, on a count of three.

2143. One, two, three.

2144. They say my heart could give him another ten years.

2145. Cheney doesn't like to refer to it as someone else's heart.

2146. He likes to refer to it as his new heart.

2147. Which, even though I'm dead, I have to say...

2148. still makes me feel pretty shitty.

2149. And so, when Liz decided to run for one

2150. of Wyoming's two Senate seats

2151. against Republican incumbent Mike Enzi,

2152. our Dick was right there

2153. to hopefully see the Cheney legacy of power continue.

2154. Are you aware Wyoming Senate candidate Liz Cheney

2155. supports gay marriage?

2156. Her sister is married to another woman,

2157. and Liz Cheney refuses to support

2158. a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage.

2159. Instead, she equivocates,

2160. claiming it's a states rights issue.

2161. Don't you agree Wyoming deserves

2162. a senator who believes marriage should be

2163. between a man and a woman?

2164. These calls went to every house in Wyoming.

2165. Every single house.

2166. I will never win.

2167. What are we gonna do?

2168. O2 monitor is steady.

2169. We're joined here today by Liz Cheney,

2170. who is running for the Senate from the state of Wyoming.

2171. According to one poll,

2172. she is behind by double digits.

2173. Welcome.

2174. Thank you for having me here, Chris.

2175. Great to be with you.

2176. And may I point out, there are other polls

2177. that have me much closer.

2178. Your opponent, Senator Mike Enzi,

2179. claims that you support gay marriage

2180. in part, because...

2181. you support your gay sister Mary's union with her wife.

2182. I think she's coming off very well.

2183. How do you respond?

2184. Let me be very, very clear.

2185. I do not support gay marriage.

2186. I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman.

2187. But you've always claimed

2188. gay marriage is a state issue.

2189. Your opponent claims this is an equivocation.

2190. All right, I'm cutting the aorta.

2191. Do you have the specimen bowl ready?

2192. It's on the field.

2193. All right. Here's the heart.

2194. The thing is, Mom, I know that Liz wouldn't have done

2195. any of this if you and Dad didn't approve.

2196. So...

2197. I can't believe you would do th...

2198. I really thought there was a limit to...

2199. No, now you're just being hysterical,

2200. and I can't talk to you when you get this way.

2201. You need to settle down. Okay?

2202. You're being hysterical.

2203. Bypass is on standby.

2204. Is it in three?

2205. I'll have it waiting right here.

2206. All right, some suction. Some suction.

2207. Damn.

2208. All right. We're almost there.

2209. Dad.

2210. Just breathe, baby. I love you.

2211. Patient's heart rate is stable.

2212. Blood pressure increasing.

2213. I'm gonna notify the family. What should I tell them?

2214. Tell them the patient's doing well.

2215. - Okay. - Should be done in a half-hour.

2216. Mr. Vice President.

2217. This must be the right place.

2218. Yes.

2219. - Hello, Martha. - Hi.

2220. - Nice to meet you. - Pleasure.

2221. Have a seat right there.

2222. So, um, is it gonna be just, uh, me on camera or...

2223. Primarily you. We'll cut back to me.

2224. Eddie's got you with the A camera.

2225. I'm just gonna be... All right.

2226. - Ready? - Hmm.

2227. Two-thirds of Americans say

2228. the Iraq War is not worth fighting.

2229. And they're looking at the value gained

2230. versus the cost in American lives

2231. and Iraqi lives.

2232. So?

2233. So, don't you care what the American people think?

2234. No, uh, I think you, uh,

2235. cannot be, uh,

2236. blown off course.

2237. I can feel your recriminations...

2238. and your judgment...

2239. and I am fine with it.

2240. You want to be loved, go be a movie star.

2241. The world is as you find it.

2242. You gotta deal with that reality.

2243. And there are monsters in this world.

2244. We saw 3,000 innocent people

2245. burned to death by those monsters.

2246. And yet you object...

2247. when I refuse

2248. to kiss those monsters on the cheek

2249. and say "pretty please."

2250. You answer me this.

2251. What terrorist attack would you have let go forward

2252. so you wouldn't seem like a mean and nasty fella?

2253. I will not apologize...

2254. for keeping your family safe.

2255. And I will not apologize...

2256. for doing what needed to be done...

2257. so that your loved ones

2258. can sleep peaceably at night.

2259. Has been my honor...

2260. to be your servant.

2261. You chose me...

2262. and I did what you asked.

2263. I know you do.

2264. Sorry to interrupt, But Mark wanted

2265. to share something with everyone.

2266. Something's been bothering me this whole movie,

2267. and I just figured it out.

2268. The whole thing's liberal.

2269. It's got a liberal bias.

2270. Interesting. Does anyone else feel that way?

2271. One, two, three, four people. Yeah, go ahead.

2272. It's all facts. Right?

2273. I mean, they had to vet all this with a lawyer.

2274. How does that make it...

2275. - What's liberal about that? - You would say that, lib-tard.

2276. Okay, I'm sorry.

2277. So, because I have the ability to understand facts,

2278. that makes me a liberal?

2279. Okay, guys, let's just take it down.

2280. You probably like Hillary.

2281. - Let's take it down a notch or two, okay? - Idiot.

2282. Okay, first of all, Hillary's not president. Okay?

2283. The-the-the orange Cheeto that you hired

2284. is the president and he's ruining the country...

2285. Trump is the best thing in this country.

2286. You chicken-shit!

2287. John! Now, come in, please.

2288. Hey, guys, come on.

2289. - Guys! Guys! - Stop it. Knock it off!

2290. I can't wait to see the new Fast and the Furious movie.

2291. That looks lit.

2292. Subtitled by Point.360