V/H/S/Halloween (2025)

1. - I'm gonna have a few people that you need to meet today.

2. You might want to introduce yourself.

3. I think that'd be good. - Yeah.

4. What was your name again? - Uh, Linda.

5. - Linda.

6. Fantastic.

7. Hi. Blaine.

8. Okay.

9. We're excited to have you guys.

10. You guys excited to try some sodas?

11. Yeah. See you guys soon.

12. Thank you.

13. Hello, 37.

14. - Uh, hello.

15. - We're thrilled to be testing our new product

16. here in the United Kingdom

17. and so happy that you could be a part of our journey.

18. - Thanks. Uh — - Super.

19. Do you enjoy soda?

20. - Uh, yeah, actually. - Great.

21. Now, in front of you is our test formula for our new product.

22. It's called Diet Phantasma.

23. - Diet?

24. - Trust me, 37.

25. This has all the taste of original Phantasma.

26. Now — - Why am I hooked up

27. to all these wires?

28. - No interruptions, please.

29. Now, the wires —

30. there's no need to worry about them.

31. They're just there so that the boffins

32. can get a reading.

33. - Okay.

34. - Perfect.

35. Now open the can

36. and enjoy the spooktacular taste

37. of Diet Phantasma.

38. - Drink it now? - Yes.

39. That would mean drink it now.

40. - All right, um...

41. It tastes like —

42. Help!

43. - Pulse setting 31.

44. - Can someone get in there and clean it up?

45. - Okay. Is it on? - Yeah. Do it.

46. - Sexy.

47. - Sick as fuck.

48. - Take it off.

49. That's crazy.

50. I'm sorry. - Just take it.

51. - I'm trying.

52. Welcome to our final Halloween on planet Earth

53. before we become lame-ass taxpaying adults.

54. Right? - We're going to college,

55. not a nursing home. - No, I have to watch

56. my best friend Kaleigh turn into a Yale clone in real time

57. while I sit here and rot in MCC.

58. Tell the people —

59. are you too good for us now, Kaleigh Franklin, hmm?

60. - Um, as a future member of the Yale class of 2009,

61. yes, absolutely. Thank you so much for asking.

62. I'm kidding.

63. I love you, dude. Don't be annoying.

64. - Annoying? - Yeah, annoying.

65. - Annoying? - You're annoying.

66. I'm doing us a service by filming this, okay?

67. Our future selves are going to look back

68. and remember what it felt like to be legends

69. before our titties started to sag.

70. - What the hell is wrong with you?

71. You are the freaking worst, you know?

72. Someone needs to experiment on your brain, okay?

73. - Come on. Last Halloween, bitch.

74. - Fine.

75. Okay, just — We're not getting arrested!

76. - What? The police would —

77. - Jesus God! - Oh, my fucking fuck!

78. The Mommy's gonna get you!

79. The Mommy's gonna get you! - Are you fucking serious?

80. - Really? - You're too old

81. to trick-or-treat. She's gonna make you

82. disappear forever, you ugly old lady.

83. - Aw, is the mommy witch gonna make me

84. one of her milk-sucking babies like you?

85. - Bitch face! - Yeah, what he said!

86. - Where are your fucking parents?

87. - The mommy's not real! - Oh, my God.

88. Literally. Like, do you like yelling at 8-year-olds?

89. - Yes, I do. - Okay.

90. - What? They're misogynists, okay?

91. And besides, ugly old ladies? Please.

92. - You're literally the one who was talking about sagging tits.

93. - Yeah, well, like it or not, it's the truth, okay?

94. God. Word. Can we go get some candy?

95. - It's baby time.

96. Trick or treat, Grandpa!

97. Sorry.

98. - Aren't you girls a little too old for this?

99. - What do you mean, sir? I'm just a little baby.

100. I can't. - Take it. Go, go, go, go, go!

101. - Hey! - Go, go!

102. - No. Lacie. Oh, my God!

103. - "Please take one"?

104. - Oh, man. - Take them all.

105. My queen. - My darling. My lady.

106. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

107. wait, wait, wait, wait!

108. Thank you.

109. Seduce him. Seduce him!

110. - Oh, my God.

111. I think Danny's cute, yes. - Okay.

112. - I don't think Matt is cute. - No, that's valid.

113. Receding hairline and all, you know?

114. - After last year's Halloween,

115. I do not like them out here alone.

116. - That girl was barely 18 years old.

117. - I mean, she was still a senior. - Trick or treat!

118. - Dude, did you hear them? That was this neighborhood.

119. - Huh? - Stop. Listen.

120. The girl from Brighton High, the one who went missing

121. last year on Halloween.

122. Hello? Remember? - Oh, yeah!

123. Eh, she was kind of asking for it

124. in that slutty cheerleader costume.

125. - Have you read any feminist texts?

126. - Jesus Christ, Kaleigh. - Any books at all?

127. Down. Down. No, too down.

128. Go up. Oh, my God. Split the difference.

129. In the middle. In the middle. No, you had it.

130. You had it. Okay, perfect. - Ready?

131. - Ready, ready. - Five, six.

132. - Don't throw your candy at me. That's the holy candy.

133. - Girl, can you switch with me?

134. I don't like the one I'm eating. - No.

135. - Why? - Okay, fine. What do you want?

136. - I dunno. - Well, then figure it out.

137. Don't spit it. Come on, dude.

138. - Holy shit. - What?

139. - How the fuck did we miss that one?

140. - I don't know.

141. Bitch.

142. - Oh, shit. - They definitely have

143. king-sized candy bars. Come on!

144. God damn.

145. - That little girl didn't want any candy?

146. - So? who cares? More candy for us.

147. Let's go! - Oh, God.

148. - Faster, bitch! You run like my grandma!

149. - So sick.

150. - Any day now. - I'm coming.

151. - "Twick or tweat."

152. Hello?

153. - Whatever. - Anyone home?

154. - Stop.

155. Let's just go home.

156. - What?

157. Okay, fine. Lame as hell.

158. Coochie coochie coo.

159. - Dude, that is scary as shit.

160. And I want every part of it.

161. - Yeah, no, I really — I don't —

162. I don't want to go in there.

163. Don't be a bitch, Kaleigh. Come on.

164. - Hey, I'm not letting us end up like that cheerleader, okay?

165. Come on. - Will you grow a pair?

166. Come on. It's clearly like a haunted house thing.

167. Sick as fuck. - No, it's like

168. a murder house thing, dude. - Don't be a pussy.

169. - Don't be fucking rude.

170. - Girl, last Halloween!

171. - It's not — I don't want to go, okay?

172. - All right. Fine. Jesus Christ. I'll just have fun by myself.

173. - Seriously? - Peace!

174. - Lacie! What the fuck, dude?

175. Freaky. - Ugh.

176. - Dude, are you seeing this?

177. Give me that.

178. - Dude, it smells like a corpse in here.

179. Like, literally.

180. This is sick. - Ugh. What is that?

181. - I think it's like milk or something?

182. - Great. Okay. Yeah.

183. Can we leave now, or, like, do you want to take a sip?

184. - Oh, that's fucked up.

185. Oh, Kaleigh, we got a theme here, girl.

186. Someone's got a weird baby fetish.

187. - No. No, no. We're leaving. Come on.

188. Relax. Don't pull me.

189. Hold this. Here.

190. Okay, see, dude? I told you

191. this was a haunted house.

192. - Excuse me, ma'am. Could you please move?

193. We'd really like to leave. - Oh, God, shut up, Kaleigh.

194. I'm trying to get some candy. - No, dude, don't.

195. - What?

196. Wait, what? - Oh, God.

197. The door. Hey! [Door creaks, closes]

198. - Turn the light on. I can't see anything.

199. - Dude, same. - No. What just happened?

200. Did you see that? What was that?

201. Oh, my God. - Turn the light on.

202. Please turn the light on. - Relax. Relax.

203. - Lacie, I'm not — - Okay, it's just a joke

204. or something. Or, like, performance art.

205. - It looked alive.

206. - Horrifying.

207. - Oh, what the fuck?

208. Holy shit.

209. - Oh, my God, something definitely sleeps in this.

210. Oh, my God.

211. "Kids spoiled here"? - Do not touch that.

212. Okay, dude.

213. She has a budget. - Okay, let's find a door.

214. Oh, God.

215. - What the fuck is this? - Damn. Big ass feet.

216. Kaleigh, you think there's a daddy here?

217. - Don't. - Oh, I love me a man

218. with big feet. - Oh, fuck.

219. I don't remember which door it is.

220. Definitely not the dairy factory door.

221. - Why are you panicking, bro, okay?

222. It's fine. Relax. This is fun.

223. - This is not fun.

224. - Oh, my God. - This is a health hazard.

225. You are going to get another fungal infection.

226. - Okay, okay. Let's go.

227. - This is it. This is it.

228. Our stuff is here.

229. - I told you.

230. - Wait. Fuck! - What?

231. - Why is it boarded up? - Wait. Hold on. Hold on.

232. The door — The door was here.

233. - Oh, God.

234. - The — The door was right here. - I know!

235. - No, no — What? - Hey, were you recording?

236. Were you recording? - Yes, I was recording.

237. - Okay, can you rewind it?

238. The photo — The photo is still there,

239. but the wall — it's, like, changed.

240. - We can't trust anything in here.

241. Lacie, God, something is very wrong.

242. - What do you mean? - I don't —

243. - What do you mean? - I — Shh!

244. - What do you mean?

245. Coochie coochie coo.

246. - Did you see that? - No, I did.

247. - What's going on? - I don't know.

248. Just — Can we get out, please?

249. Just find a door.

250. Come on.

251. Is she still there? - I don't know. I'm not sure.

252. Okay, she's gone. - Okay. Okay. Come on. Come on.

253. Let's go. Come on. - There.

254. - What the fuck?

255. "It's a girl"?

256. What, is this a fucking baby shower?

257. - Yes. Yes. It's a baby shower. It's a baby shower, okay?

258. I mean, she's totally fucking with us, okay?

259. What the fuck else would it be, you know?

260. I mean, we're dressed as literal babies, Kaleigh.

261. I mean, she's just — she's just playing the part.

262. - Ugh.

263. Oh, God.

264. She looks so sad.

265. - Kaleigh, the wall.

266. It's a joke. I mean, it's — it's a joke.

267. It's a joke, right?

268. - Come on. What is that?

269. What is that? What is that? What is that? What is that?

270. - Oh, my God.

271. - What the fuck is that? - Shh! Shh!

272. We need to focus. Okay. Okay.

273. - Oh, fuck. - Okay, we need to go

274. through the room that he's blocking because —

275. - What the fuck are you... - No, there might be a back door!

276. - Are you fucking insane? No, we're not —

277. We need to go another way.

278. We need to go another way. - What way, Lacie?

279. - Oh, God.

280. - No. No, no, no, no, no, no no.

281. Absolutely the fuck not. I am not going that way, okay?

282. Do you see what he's doing? - Okay, no, I see it.

283. Okay, we'll just wait for him to move.

284. Coochie coochie coo!

285. - I am not waiting for her to find us.

286. - It's looking at me.

287. - Don't fucking move.

288. - No, I know! - What the fuck is going on?

289. - We have to keep moving, okay? He's gone. Let's just go.

290. - Go!

291. - Um, is that like a torture thing?

292. - I, um...

293. It looks like a breast pump.

294. My sister had one when she had a kid, but...

295. - This one looks really wrong.

296. - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.

297. Lacie, don't — don't touch it.

298. - Kaleigh, we need to help her. She —

299. We need to help her. She's in pain.

300. - Lacie, look at me. - She's suffocating.

301. - Lacie, we have to focus on getting

302. out of here alive, okay? - She's in pain.

303. We — We'll show the video to the police, okay?

304. We'll help her, I promise, but not now.

305. There's a door behind her that might lead outside.

306. We just — We need to move her.

307. - Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, fine, fine.

308. - Oh, God.

309. - Faster. - I'm trying.

310. Okay, okay, okay.

311. - Oh, my God. - Go.

312. Jesus fuck! - Where do we go?

313. Where do we go? Fuck! - Shit!

314. Oh, this one.

315. Yes. Go, go, go, go, go.

316. - Kaleigh, Kaleigh, Kaleigh, her body, it just —

317. It looked so painful. I'm scared, Kaleigh.

318. - I know. I'm scared, too. - What does she want from us?

319. - I don't know, okay? It's gonna be okay.

320. Okay. Okay.

321. Oh, my God.

322. Fuck! No!

323. Ohh! They're all nailed shut. Okay. Okay.

324. We need a hammer or something. Um...

325. - What the hell?

326. Wait, wait.

327. - What are you doing?

328. Kaleigh, what are you doing?

329. - She's in a cheerleader costume.

330. - No, no, no, no, that's not her. That's not her.

331. - This is not a fucking coincidence, okay?

332. She's been here the whole time.

333. What are you doing? Kaleigh!

334. - Oh, my God. What did she do you?

335. - Hi.

336. We want to help.

337. - What did she do to you?

338. Oh, my God. - Did someone take you?

339. - Oh, my God.

340. Kaleigh. Kaleigh. - Did she do this to you?

341. Is there a way out of here?

342. - She can't fucking talk.

343. That woman did this to her. She's gonna do it to us.

344. She's gonna do it to us. She's gonna do it to us.

345. - Gonna do what to us?

346. - Mama?

347. - Oh, um...

348. - M-Mama? - Okay. No, um...

349. Um, uh...

350. - No. Shh.

351. Shh, shh, please.

352. - She's gonna hear us, Kaleigh. - Shut up!

353. - Go! We need to go! Kaleigh, now, go!

354. - Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!

355. It's okay. What do we do?

356. Calm down. Please calm down.

357. Shh!

358. - Kaleigh, she's coming. She's coming.

359. Get up. We need to go.

360. Kaleigh. Kaleigh.

361. - Shh!

362. - Come on! Kaleigh! - Okay, I'm coming.

363. This way.

364. Come on, come on, come on.

365. - Ugh.

366. Oh, God, the smell.

367. Here, help me. Help me move this.

368. Lacie, come on.

369. I mean... okay.

370. She — She turned her into an experiment.

371. Maybe she turned all of them — - No, no, no.

372. - Maybe she's drugging them. Yes. - No, no, no, no. The boys.

373. The boys — they said that the mommy's gonna get us.

374. They said the mommy's gonna get us.

375. God, and we just sat there, and we fucking laughed at them.

376. We're so stupid! - Shh!

377. What are you talking about? The mommy's a bullshit story.

378. That's not a thing. - No. No. No.

379. The mommy — she comes back. She comes back every year.

380. She comes back every year, and then she chooses the ones

381. that are too old or too greedy or too fucking stupid.

382. - Lacie, it's not a real thing. - Kaleigh, that's her.

383. That's her.

384. I'm so sorry. We should have just stayed home.

385. It was my fault. I'm sorry. - No, no, no, no.

386. Don't run out.

387. Oh, God.

388. Wait. What is this? Wait, wait.

389. - What do you mean, what is this?

390. It's a bunch of literal shit. - Get the light.

391. She was pregnant.

392. - Let go of her! Let go!

393. Fuck!

394. - Kaleigh!

395. - Come on, come on, come on! Go, go!

396. - Come on, come on, come on.

397. - I can't. My fucking ribs.

398. - I know. I know. I'm sorry.

399. Keep moving, okay? Just try.

400. - My ribs.

401. - Shh. Shh.

402. - I'm getting sleepy.

403. - No, it's — it's —

404. it's her song. Stay awake.

405. Stay awake.

406. Lacie?

407. Please turn on. Please.

408. Lacie?

409. Lacie!

410. Oh, my God!

411. Oh, God, no! Ohh!

412. Lacie, I'm coming!

413. Oh, my God!

414. Oh, God.

415. Oh, my — Lacie, I'm so sorry!

416. Coochie coochie coo!

417. - Lacie.

418. We gotta go. We gotta —

419. We gotta go.

420. - Trust me — it will be on the shelves for Halloween.

421. - Look, I have to go.

422. - Yeah.

423. - Yeah. Bye.

424. - Is this, like, nuclear or something?

425. - Or toxic?

426. - No, nothing nuclear here.

427. Or toxic.

428. - Can I just —

429. - Help me, someone in here!

430. - I told you to dial down

431. the fucking formula.

432. - We did, Mr. Rothschild.

433. - Then what the fuck is going on in there?

434. Do something!

435. Please be calm, 39.

436. We're working to get you both out of the chamber.

437. Fuck!

438. - What the fuck are we doing?

439. What the fuck are we doing?

440. - Help me! Someone get me! That's stuck!

441. - Help me!

442. Help me, please!

443. Anyone in there?

444. Help me!

445. - Please! Please!

446. Please help me.

447. - Fucking die already.

448. - All: Ooh!

449. - All: Ooh!

450. Subject 40 is in the chamber for you, Mr. Rothschild.

451. Mr. Rothschild?

452. - This smells like shit.

453. - How does it taste?

454. - Actually tastes quite good.

455. - How do you feel?

456. - Feel okay.

457. - Can you finish the entire can, please?

458. - Sure.

459. - You can see me?

460. - Can it get in here?

461. - It can't break through. The entire chamber is reinforced

462. with that towbar material.

463. - Close.

464. I can't believe I've actually done it.

465. Run it again.

466. - Preferably with little to no GBH.

467. - Or mortal wounding.

468. - What about subject 40?

469. No.

470. Please no!

471. - I'm saying, who has a Halloween party without candy?

472. - It was a party for adults.

473. They had booze, of which you had a lot, babe.

474. - Okay. Rude.

475. I want candy.

476. Guys, let's go trick-or-treating!

477. - Aren't we too old to trick-or-treat?

478. - Mm, no. - What are they gonna say?

479. "No, you're too old for our shitty,

480. tiny corporate candy bars?"

481. Nobody's gonna say that.

482. - Guys, she's not gonna let up until we do it.

483. - And she's right.

484. - Ready? So ready?

485. - Oh, I love your costumes.

486. - You cool with trick-or-treating, babe?

487. You having fun?

488. - Yeah. I mean, why not?

489. - Guys, hurry up. - Come on, slow asses.

490. - Trick or treat! - Trick or treat!

491. - Aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating?

492. No!

493. - Also, we just got engaged.

494. - Oh. - Show them the ring, honey.

495. - Ooh, congratulations! It's beautiful.

496. - I proposed to my best friend, and she said yes.

497. - Ooh!

498. - So, let's see.

499. You're a superhero.

500. And you're a pirate.

501. And what are you guys supposed to be?

502. - We are camera operators in a found-footage horror movie.

503. You know how you always wonder

504. how they don't drop their cameras?

505. Well, we have lots of cameras attached to us.

506. - I don't consent to being filmed.

507. - Oh, hush, Pete. They just got engaged.

508. Oh! Give them candy. - Oh.

509. Thank you. - Thanks.

510. - Thank you. - Thanks.

511. - Trick or treat. - Trick or treat.

512. - Oh, thank you.

513. - Happy Halloween. - Happy Halloween.

514. - Happy Halloween. - Yes!

515. - Ugh, it's sour candy.

516. I hate sour candy. That's so lame.

517. - All candy is lame.

518. Corporations have taken all the creativity out.

519. - Oh, really? - We have the same

520. main candy bars for decades.

521. The variety pack has no variety.

522. - Okay. - Think on that.

523. - I will. - Let's do the whole block,

524. see who has the best candy.

525. - Onward! - Here we go.

526. - Hey, wait. - What are you doing?

527. Oh, God.

528. - I thought you were gonna tell him.

529. I was, but then it was Halloween,

530. and we had already made our costumes.

531. - Okay, but then it's gonna be Thanksgiving

532. and then Christmas and then Valentine's Day.

533. Oh, yeah, and then you're married.

534. - I'm going to do it.

535. You need to do it fast and quick,

536. or your life's gonna end up on the wrong track.

537. - I know.

538. But, I mean, I don't want to hurt him.

539. - Oh, my God, you need to stop worrying about his feelings

540. and put yourself first. - Shh!

541. He's gonna hear you.

542. And you better delete this footage.

543. - Come on, fiancée! - Oh.

544. Coming, fiancé.

545. Doesn't it still sound weird hearing that — "fiancé"?

546. You ready to let me provide for you

547. and be my trad wife?

548. - Oh.

549. - Oh, a trad wife. - What the fuck?

550. - Ugh.

551. One per person?

552. It's freaking Halloween.

553. - I hate when they just leave the bowl out.

554. - Whoa.

555. - Look at the candy. It's, uh...

556. - What the hell?

557. - The hell's a Fligs and Splips?

558. - Snipp%rs?

559. - R-Round Crunch. - What the hell?

560. - & and &?

561. - Now presenting Larry Find.

562. Furnitnurse Keepsitpoppa?

563. - What?

564. - What the hell? - Is that even English?

565. - Have any of you ever seen any of this candy before?

566. - No.

567. It looks like a dong.

568. - Oh, my God.

569. - Wow. - Don't touch it.

570. - Okay, I mean, all candy bars kind of look like dongs.

571. - No.

572. This has the tip.

573. - It does. - It's veiny.

574. - Uh... - What is this?

575. It's like some kind of, uh, adult novelty thing.

576. - Well, maybe it's just, like, a factory mistake.

577. - Well, it sure doesn't look like it.

578. Who wants the first bite?

579. - Huh? Huh? - I am so good.

580. I am so good on that!

581. - All yours. - No.

582. - All yours, Austin.

583. - Ohh!

584. - All right.

585. - Ugh.

586. - Ohh! - Ohh!

587. - Gross!

588. Of course it's full of white cream.

589. - Gross. - No, it's actually...

590. - Ew! - Ugh!

591. - It's pretty good. It's got, like —

592. like, a lot of — like, a lot of layers.

593. - Ugh.

594. It's too chewy.

595. - Ew. - Mnh-mnh.

596. - You missed some. - You got a little on your chin.

597. - Did I miss a spot? - Yeah. A lot.

598. - Yeah. On your chin.

599. - This is so weird.

600. There's nothing coming up about this online.

601. Everything is online.

602. - You type it in right? - Yeah, of course I did.

603. - Maybe it's new?

604. - I don't know, but... - This is crazy.

605. - ... I'm taking more. - Wait. No. Stop.

606. Hey, it says one per person.

607. What if they're watching?

608. - I hope they're watching.

609. 'Cause then they can come out

610. and tell us where the fuck they —

611. Ah! What the —

612. - Oh, my —

613. Oh, my God.

614. Oh, my God. - Okay.

615. Okay, yeah, that was pretty good.

616. - Oh, my God. - All right.

617. O-Okay. That — That was pretty good.

618. Uh, how — How did they —

619. I don't — Ow.

620. You can — You can let go now.

621. - How are they — What is happening?

622. - Austin, stop.

623. - Help.

624. Stop!

625. - Austin! - What's — What the —

626. Hey! Hey, what —

627. - What's happening? - Help! Help!

628. - Oh, my God. - Help me!

629. - Oh, my God! - Help! What the fuck?

630. What the fuck? - Oh, my God!

631. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

632. Oh, my God!

633. - It's coming! Help me! - What the fuck is happening?

634. - Help me!

635. - Oh, no!

636. Oh, my God.

637. What the fuck just happened?

638. - I don't know. Call 911. - Okay.

639. - 911. What is your emergency?

640. - Yes, we're trick-or-treating, and our boyfriends —

641. they just got captured.

642. The address is —

643. Ahh!

644. - Fiancée.

645. It got you, too?

646. - Where are we? - Fuck if we know.

647. - Whatever pulled us in was gone when we got here.

648. - What the fuck is happening?

649. - Oh!

650. - Hello? Hello?

651. - Wait.

652. Wait. I-Isn't that the same bowl?

653. - Maybe that will bring us back.

654. It's the way back.

655. Is there anything in there?

656. - "One per person."

657. It's the same fucking sign.

658. - Is this some kind of sick joke?

659. - It's the same fucking sign.

660. - Oh, my God!

661. Ugh!

662. What the fuck?

663. - What — What is it?

664. I-I-I don't know.

665. - Is it burning? - No.

666. Uh, it's, uh... sticky.

667. Sweet.

668. I-I think it's...

669. caramel. - What the fuck?

670. - Ahh! - Ahh!

671. - Fun size!

672. - Ahh! - Oh, my God!

673. Oh, my God! - Go!

674. - What the fuck was that?

675. - Oh, my God. Go, go, go, go, go!

676. - Faster!

677. - Austin, that's a lot of blood on the walls!

678. - Hello there! - Ahh!

679. - What the fuck is that?

680. - Let's just get away from it!

681. - I'll protect you! - Wait.

682. Guys, there's an exit. - Oh, my God.

683. It's locked!

684. - Um, uh, maybe there's a key.

685. Everyone look for a key!

686. - We're not gonna find a key. - Let's try!

687. - Okay.

688. - Oh, I found the key! - What?

689. - Okay, now let's see if it actually works.

690. - Ahh!

691. - Ohh!

692. - What the fuck was that?

693. - Oh, my God. Austin!

694. - Austin! Austin!

695. Austin! - Austin!

696. - Austin! Austin!

697. - Austin!

698. Oh, my God.

699. - How did you get here?

700. - No, no, no, no!

701. Get me out!

702. - They're too tight!

703. - There has to be a way to stop this.

704. - What is this place?

705. - Fun size!

706. - No! I'm not gonna make it!

707. I'm not gonna make it.

708. - What is happening?

709. - What —

710. No, no, no.

711. What the fuck is happening?

712. - These chains won't fucking budge!

713. - Yummy!

714. - I love you, Haley. - Shut up.

715. You are not gonna die.

716. - I think I found a knife!

717. - Hurry!

718. - Fuck, It's just a prop knife.

719. - Ahh!

720. - But this is real.

721. Okay.

722. - I'm not gonna make it. Take the key!

723. Take the key! - What are you doing?

724. - I don't want to cut his fucking arm off!

725. - Take the key! Take the key! - No, no, no. No!

726. - Oh, my God.

727. - Oh, my God! - Ahh!

728. - Oh, my God.

729. - Ahh! Austin!

730. - I'm sorry. - Oh, my God.

731. - What the fuck?

732. - No! Austin!

733. - What the —

734. - Where the fuck are we?

735. Oh, shit, no.

736. What do we do? Can we help him?

737. I told him he was gonna be okay.

738. - The key. - Get the key. Get the key.

739. - Come on, you fucker! - No.

740. - What? - Oh, no!

741. - Oh, my God.

742. Oh, my God, what is happening?

743. - What the fuck? - Chop its fucking head off!

744. - Oh, my...

745. - It's not human.

746. It's not human!

747. - Yeah, you better run!

748. - Let's just get the key and get out of here.

749. No, no, no, no, no, no!

750. The key, the key!

751. Ow! Fuck!

752. - Oh, my God.

753. - What the —

754. Oh, my God!

755. What a sick fuck!

756. What the f— - Is that caramel?

757. - Oh, my...

758. - Ugh. - Oh, my God, that's his brains.

759. How do you even do this to someone?

760. - Ugh. - Oh, my God!

761. - Haley, I — - Oh, my God, his balls!

762. My God, they're turning him into candy.

763. Oh, my God, that is so disgusting.

764. - Oh, God. I'm gonna be sick.

765. Oh, my God.

766. Oh, my God!

767. Fuck.

768. That is so fucked up, guys.

769. I'm done. - No.

770. - I'm just getting on the conveyor belt.

771. I just want it to be done, okay?

772. I'm just done. No!

773. - Haley, listen to me.

774. We are going to get the key,

775. and we are going to get the fuck out of this place.

776. We are not gonna be stuck here, okay?

777. - Okay! - Okay. Come on! Let's go!

778. Go! - Okay!

779. - The key's in there, so hurry up and unwrap one.

780. - Stop yelling at me. That's my fucking boyfriend.

781. - Go on. You can do it.

782. - Okay, this is his penis.

783. - You're doing great, guys.

784. Doing great.

785. - I think these are his balls.

786. - Oh! Oh! I have it!

787. - Yep. - I — I — Okay.

788. - Good job, fiancée.

789. Let's go. Let's go.

790. - Come on! Let's go! - Wait, wait.

791. Whoospie. - Ahh!

792. - Ugh! - Haley!

793. - Haley. Haley, what —

794. - Ahh!

795. - Haley! - Lauren, she's gone!

796. - No. - She's gone.

797. We —

798. We have the key.

799. Let's just — - No!

800. - Fiancée, please! - No.

801. - Haley! - Damn it.

802. Haley!

803. Haley.

804. Haley. Thank God.

805. Come on. Let's go.

806. It's okay. It's okay. It's just us.

807. - The fuck?

808. Uh, Lauren?

809. - Haley? Haley?

810. - Oh, my God, Haley!

811. No, Haley!

812. What is she doing? - Oh, my God.

813. Wh-What is she doing? What is she doing?

814. No. No, no, no, no.

815. Haley, what are you doing?

816. - Come on. Come on.

817. Leave her!

818. Oh! I dropped the key! I dropped the key!

819. I dropped — Wait. No, no.

820. Wait. I got it. I got it.

821. We don't know if it even fits.

822. It fits! It fits!

823. Fuck, yeah! Fuck, yeah!

824. Oh, we're fucked!

825. We're fucked!

826. We didn't take more than one!

827. You killed the guy who took more than one!

828. - Calm down, okay?

829. We are going — We're going to get through this.

830. Um, uh — Wait!

831. Th-There's an air vent.

832. There's an air vent. It has —

833. It has to lead somewhere.

834. - Okay. - Okay. Okay.

835. - We're doing it!

836. We're doing it.

837. We're gonna make it.

838. This is gonna be one hell of a story we tell our kids.

839. - Josh, the floor. The floor, it's —

840. - What? What?

841. - It's a conveyor belt.

842. - No, no, no, no! Ahh!

843. - Oh, fuck!

844. - We have to go back.

845. Ahh!

846. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

847. - Fiancée.

848. I'm so sorry...

849. we never got the fairy-tale wedding.

850. Unless...

851. Lauren Margaret Everett,

852. do you take me, Joshua Roger Day,

853. to be your lawfully wedded husband,

854. to have and to hold for richer, for poorer,

855. in sickness and in health,

856. till death do us part?

857. I...

858. I...

859. I do...

860. not! - What?

861. I want out! I want out, I want out, I want...

862. Help! Help!

863. Okay...

864. - Fun size!

865. - Okay, kids. Smile!

866. Fuck. Shit.

867. Okay, kids!

868. - This candy looks weird.

869. - It's good to try new things.

870. Come on, Liam.

871. Well, what's your review?

872. - There's something metal.

873. - Oh, my God, give me that.

874. What the hell is that?

875. - I took two. Is that bad?

876. - Hello, Subject 41.

877. Don't be shy. You're quite safe.

878. - Hi.

879. - Are you excited to try our new Halloween soda?

880. Super!

881. Can you reach out and take a drink

882. of the soda in front of you?

883. - Okay.

884. It smells gross.

885. - I told you to add that fucking pumpkin spice!

886. - Actually, we are working on it, Mr. Rothschild.

887. - Fuck you, Larry!

888. Don't worry about the smell. It tastes delicious.

889. - It tastes really good.

890. - And how do you feel?

891. - Can I have another one?

892. - Of course!

893. Is there any fucking extract in the sample?

894. - Yes! But we dialed it down significantly

895. for a smaller subject.

896. - Get the kid another one, but fucking dial it up!

897. - Call Sector 31!

898. - How old are you?

899. - Four. - Four years old?

900. - Or five. Four or five. - Four and a half?

901. - Four or five. - About four and a half, five?

902. - I don't know.

903. - Can you say your name on camera for me?

904. - Cleo.

905. - I'm eight.

906. I'm 10 and I'm in fifth grade.

907. - I like cereal and sometimes pizza, too.

908. - Reading and math.

909. - Can you say your name on camera for us?

910. - Um...

911. Not right now.

912. - Do you like Halloween, or not so much?

913. - Yes.

914. - I'm a little old for trick-or-treating.

915. - Me and my best friend, we're going to be dead nurses.

916. - I'm gonna be a witch.

917. - Um, a vampire.

918. And I'm gonna be a clown.

919. - Probably trick-or-treat.

920. We might stay in and watch a horror movie.

921. - We need candy,

922. and we love candy.

923. - My sister might be a vampire.

924. - And if anybody came up to you after school

925. and asked if you wanted to play tennis with them,

926. but they're a stranger,

927. what would you say?

928. - Yeah. - Well, I don't know

929. if that's the safest thing to do.

930. So, tonight, with Halloween and all,

931. you think you'll go out trick-or-treating?

932. - If my mom lets me.

933. - Yeah, well, if your mom lets you,

934. what would you dress up as?

935. - A butterfly.

936. - Butterfly.

937. That's great. I love that. A butterfly.

938. - Is this over?

939. - Uh, yeah. You're all set. You're good to go.

940. Uh, so thank you for trusting Kaplan's Electronics

941. for all your KidPrinting needs.

942. Now, we recommend making two copies.

943. And we do have a backlog, so...

944. You could get them Monday, or we could deliver.

945. - You can't rush it?

946. I was hoping to get it immediately,

947. before trick-or-treating.

948. - Mom, I'm not going to get kidnapped tonight.

949. - Hey, look, with all that's going on these days,

950. you can't be too concerned, right?

951. Your mother's just trying to look out for you, Lindsay.

952. - Mm. It's all so horrible. - Yeah.

953. - Every day I watch the news just hoping for something.

954. - Yeah, I know, I know, but that's what our service is for.

955. You know, we don't want people searching all around town

956. based off a picture from last year's school —

957. - Is there any way they can be duplicated while we wait?

958. I told her she could only go out tonight if we got this done.

959. - Well, look, I don't work evenings or weekends.

960. Home in time for dinner every night.

961. Uh, and with Halloween tonight,

962. I did tell my daughters that I'd be ducking out early,

963. be home by three, so...

964. - I understand.

965. - Uh, well, look, let me see what I can do.

966. If you don't mind waiting a second,

967. go in the back editing room,

968. I'll see what I can do. Do you mind?

969. - No, no. Thank you. - Let me just grab this.

970. And you met Alicia when you got here.

971. This place would fall apart without her.

972. That's funny, Alicia.

973. - I also decorated the whole store.

974. - Yeah, well, you did a fine job at that.

975. Just follow me right back this way.

976. You'll also meet Miles. He's our, uh, wizard —

977. Wizard of inventory! He does the stock.

978. Miles, how many Symphonic VCRs do we have?

979. - Uh... eleven?

980. Uh, no. Ten. We sold one today.

981. - The boy is great. Good at what he does.

982. And back here, we got Bruce.

983. Bruce handles all the tech stuff.

984. Hey, once we're done, once I eject this,

985. I'm gonna have you dub Lindsay's KidPrint, all right?

986. And, uh, I have a couple other tapes for you, too.

987. - Nice to meet you, Bruce. Miles.

988. - Bruce isn't really used to us barging back here

989. with customers while he's working.

990. You know, even Miles stresses him out.

991. Coming and going, coming and going.

992. Hey, hey, Lindsay, why don't you look at this?

993. Look at these tapes over here.

994. Each one of these are your friends and your schoolmates,

995. and they all represent a little part of what I do

996. for the community.

997. - Are these missing ones the kids who got murd—

998. - The challenges facing our police force

999. are proving insurmountable

1000. because the abductions lack similarities.

1001. - Right... - Children of varying ages

1002. going missing from both the north and south side of town.

1003. Any hope of stopping this crime wave

1004. has proven elusive. - Look.

1005. - What at first seemed like...

1006. - I'm doing the best I can. You know, trying to help out.

1007. - ... has now emerged into a puzzle without a solution.

1008. Diligent parents have...

1009. - This thing scared the crap outta me.

1010. I thought it was real.

1011. Oh, this is a fun one.

1012. Spoooooky!

1013. That's my favorite guy in the store, actually.

1014. I love this guy.

1015. Here's a little gem I found at the Goodwill.

1016. You know, found a bunch of these.

1017. Miles thinks it's wack,

1018. but we think it's cool, right, Alicia?

1019. - Miles can eat shit. - Yeah.

1020. Just do this. Yeah.

1021. Okay. Get up and look at the camera, though.

1022. And smile. You gotta smile.

1023. This is gonna be in next year's commercial.

1024. Alicia, I'm gonna take this home with me.

1025. I think the girls would love it.

1026. - You do that.

1027. - ... with a special bulletin.

1028. We've just received word that the body

1029. of 14-year-old Ethan Mulligan

1030. has been found behind the Lawrence Park shopping plaza,

1031. his corpse showing signs of grotesque injuries

1032. unlike any we've seen.

1033. Mulligan is now the eighth victim,

1034. and the second this week,

1035. after 14-year-old Lisa Marcus' decomposed remains

1036. were dragged from the river.

1037. Parents are strongly...

1038. Hey! - Look. There's Dad.

1039. - Dad! - How's it going?

1040. Hey, you having fun here? - Mm-hmm.

1041. - Smile for the camera.

1042. - ... copycats or connected crimes...

1043. - Please stop with that.

1044. - Just for public safety.

1045. You know, no one's gonna try any funny business

1046. if someone's pointing a camera everywhere around town.

1047. - So you say. - No...

1048. Come on, girls, don't you feel safer when this is on?

1049. Don't you feel safe with this on?

1050. - Um, I'm not... I'm not sure.

1051. - Come on. Charlotte, what do you think?

1052. - I mean, I guess. - Yeah.

1053. - Honey, it's not normal trick-or-treating.

1054. This isn't like normal Halloween.

1055. 30 people are going down to the town square,

1056. and none of their friends are going.

1057. It's just cops handing out candy.

1058. You get to take one piece and then leave.

1059. - We gotta get the candy. It's Halloween.

1060. - Yeah, I like candy.

1061. - Let me see your pumpkin. Look at that.

1062. That's nice. Perfect. It's a perfect pumpkin.

1063. A little candy is better than no candy, right?

1064. We'll go out for an hour. I'll film everything.

1065. Also, if I happen to get the bad guy on camera, guess what?

1066. I'll be the local hero.

1067. More so than I already am.

1068. - Hey, wave for the camera, kids.

1069. Are you having fun on Halloween?

1070. - No. No.

1071. - Just a pleasant, safe town we live in.

1072. Isn't that right?

1073. Ooh, Halloween, so scary,

1074. with the police giving out candy.

1075. Oh, watch your hat there!

1076. Wave to the camera over here.

1077. Hey, Happy Halloween!

1078. - Happy Halloween! - Happy Halloween!

1079. - That's fun.

1080. Hey, Nicole, Katie, you guys look awesome.

1081. Hey, I'm glad to see somebody didn't cancel.

1082. - Uh, well, I tried.

1083. She had a meltdown.

1084. Our — Our plan is just 15 minutes,

1085. and then we're gonna leave, right?

1086. - What is with everybody?

1087. - Didn't you hear? - Hear what?

1088. - It's a high school senior.

1089. Somebody said that she went over to her car

1090. to grab something, and she just vanished.

1091. - Says who? A bunch of high school kids?

1092. It's probably a prank.

1093. - No, but there's, like... What are you looking at?

1094. - Let me just scan around and see...

1095. Find some troublesome faces.

1096. Here, here. Like this guy over there.

1097. - Who the hell is that guy? - Looks nice.

1098. He's there with his daughter.

1099. He's probably just waiting to eat her Halloween candy.

1100. He's a local fatso. Big deal.

1101. - I'm — I'm gonna wrap this up.

1102. I'm gonna give her five more minutes,

1103. and then we're out of here.

1104. - Take a bite of the healthy snack.

1105. There we go!

1106. - Hey, girls. Wave for Mommy.

1107. Happy Halloween, Mommy!

1108. - Happy Halloween, Mommy!

1109. - I mean, I'm sure you've heard about this by now,

1110. but Olivia Hamel is missing as of about an hour ago.

1111. - Yeah, I just heard.

1112. - Yeah, we're out here doing what we can,

1113. but, you know, 17-year-olds,

1114. they're still going out on their own and...

1115. Shit, we — we messed up big time.

1116. The parents are hysterical,

1117. and we took them down to the station.

1118. They said Olivia came in.

1119. - Well, me and my friends might try to go to some houses

1120. before we go to our friend's party.

1121. - Do you mind running back to your store to grab the backup?

1122. They're out of their minds,

1123. they don't want to go home for it,

1124. and we want to get it on the news as soon as possible.

1125. - Of course. Uh, I'll go do that right now, actually.

1126. - Great. Thank you, Tim.

1127. - Hey, girls, you're gonna stay with Nicole.

1128. You're going back to her house.

1129. You're gonna play with Katie back there, all right?

1130. Mom's gonna pick you up there.

1131. That's okay, right? That's fun? - Yeah.

1132. - Ah! That's — That's fun. That's good.

1133. Okay.

1134. Happy Halloween, hm?

1135. Ah. Where's my light?

1136. Damn it, Miles, stop leaving the TV's on.

1137. What the hell is this idiot watching back here?

1138. - I don't like it here.

1139. - Where are you taking me?

1140. - I don't want to go!

1141. - Jesus Christ.

1142. What the fuck is this?

1143. - Please stop.

1144. You've kept me here for hours...

1145. - What the fuck is going on?

1146. - [Screaming, sobbing] - I don't like this anymore.

1147. Please stop it. Please, no!

1148. No, no, no, please, you're scaring me.

1149. Please. I'll do anything you want if you stop.

1150. I'll do anything you want.

1151. - No, please...

1152. - How do you feel?

1153. - You creep...

1154. I hope you fucking die!

1155. - What the hell is that?

1156. - Hello?

1157. Please, stop!

1158. Please, just let me go!

1159. Stop it.

1160. Please, just — just let me go home!

1161. Please, let me go home!

1162. - He— Hello?

1163. - Hey, Tim! See you decided to come to work

1164. the weekend shift with me, huh?

1165. - Can I be your girlfriend? Would that be okay with you?

1166. - No.

1167. - I'm your friend.

1168. - Lighten up, dude. - I need to go home!

1169. - Come on. Help!

1170. - Whoa. Hey.

1171. - And now we're gonna have a little fun.

1172. - No, thanks.

1173. - I'm just kidding.

1174. - Bruce, what the fuck are you doing?

1175. - Yeah, we got Super Nintendo.

1176. We have a lot of games.

1177. Hey, listen, you want to come down to the store?

1178. It's Kaplan's Electronics.

1179. You wanna swing on down? - Yeah, yeah, I know it.

1180. - Oh, yeah? Okay. Cool. Hey, you ever had a camera?

1181. - No. - Check it out. It's fun, man.

1182. See that?

1183. Oh, now, now... Watch the button now, man.

1184. That's my boss's, now.

1185. You break it, he'll have your head.

1186. - Right, right. I know that guy.

1187. See the focus?

1188. Isn't that cool?

1189. Look at that. Come on down, man.

1190. You good? Let's go.

1191. Hey, you okay there, big guy?

1192. Y-You all right?

1193. Hey, you wanted to come down, right?

1194. - What is wrong with you, you fucking freak?

1195. - Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey, stop. - Fuck you!

1196. - I'm only talking to you, man!

1197. Get fucking in.

1198. Round two?

1199. - Okay. You talked me into it.

1200. - How you doing, champ?

1201. - What are you doing? Don't!

1202. Bruce, don't! - Why'd you come down here?

1203. - Come on! Bruce! What the fuck?

1204. What the fuck are you doing?

1205. Aah! Aah!

1206. Fuck!

1207. Fuck!

1208. Ah! Fuck!

1209. What the...?

1210. What the fuck are you doing?

1211. Listen to me.

1212. Before he gets back, we gotta get the fuck out of here, okay?

1213. - Fucking stop! - Ow! Fuck!

1214. - No, no, no... - [Screaming, sobbing]

1215. - It's the other guy. It's his store.

1216. - He was upstairs. They're in it together!

1217. - Ow! Fuck!

1218. Oww!

1219. - Okay, let's start by telling me your name.

1220. Brucey. Little Brucey Dittman.

1221. - Ow! Oww! - You sick freak!

1222. - Yu got the wrong g—

1223. - So, Brucey...

1224. What are you going to be for Halloween?

1225. - Cowboy. I wanna be a cowboy.

1226. - Now, Brucey, are you going to be safe

1227. while you're trick-or-treating?

1228. - What — W-What happened to the other guy?

1229. - Guess your mom and dad are letting you go by yourself

1230. for the very first time.

1231. - Oh, God. I need to stand up. - Let's get the hell out of here.

1232. - Nothing will happen to me as long as I'm brave.

1233. I'll be safe.

1234. - Let's get you to the hospital.

1235. - I'm not gonna talk to strangers.

1236. I'm not gonna go anywhere with them.

1237. Anywhere with them.

1238. Happy Halloween, kids!

1239. - The scourge that has plagued our community is ended,

1240. and a killer of kids has been stopped,

1241. while abducting his latest victim to the very store

1242. where he claimed to create safe video documentation

1243. for local children.

1244. Tim Kaplan died of injuries on Halloween night

1245. after torturing and presumably killing

1246. both Olivia Hamel and Drew Stackhouse,

1247. whose bodies have yet to be found.

1248. - Tim was so weird.

1249. Nothing about him surprised me.

1250. - Ma'am, please. Can you comment on your husband?

1251. Please, ma'am, the situation with your husband.

1252. - Kaplan's family has not yet spoken to the media,

1253. and now have round-the-clock police protection

1254. from angry community members.

1255. I'm here with Bruce Dittmann.

1256. Bruce, you worked alongside Tim Kaplan for many years.

1257. You even handled the technical aspect

1258. of his KidPrinting business.

1259. You were as close to Tim and his operations as anybody.

1260. Did you ever have any idea anything was amiss?

1261. - Well, it's kind of hard to say.

1262. Um, you know, it's a damn shame, though.

1263. Tim always had kids coming through there.

1264. So, so many of them. Just...

1265. You know, and, um... and I'm in the back there,

1266. you know, hours a day, watching video after video.

1267. The video of these sweet little innocent faces.

1268. You know, it makes you think back to your own childhood,

1269. you know, and — and how vulnerable you were back then.

1270. Maybe it was something in his past.

1271. W-We'll never know.

1272. But — But I'm committed

1273. to continuing the KidPrint service

1274. for the sake of the children.

1275. - Subjects are situated, Mr. Rothschild.

1276. Mr. Rothschild.

1277. Subjects are situated.

1278. - Yeah.

1279. Now, remember, as mentioned before,

1280. please remain seated at all times.

1281. No matter what happens,

1282. stay in your seats.

1283. - Having so many subjects at one time

1284. will be a strain on our equipment, Mr. Rothschild.

1285. - It took almost five hours

1286. to clean that little boy off the walls.

1287. I'm getting impatient.

1288. Please open your can and taste our new soda.

1289. - Fucking remain calm!

1290. - Let me out!

1291. - What the fuck is happening?

1292. - The equipment wasn't engineered for more than three subjects!

1293. - Can't you pull the fucking plug?

1294. - Which fucking plug?

1295. - Maybe this big fucking red button...

1296. - The chamber's clear!

1297. Did you extract them all?

1298. - I've still got a live reading.

1299. - So there is still something in there!

1300. Turn your fucking camera light on!

1301. Hi, 47.

1302. Did you drink the soda?

1303. Uh-huh.

1304. Can I have more, please?

1305. - Can you come closer to the mirror?

1306. - Receptive.

1307. - Can you tell me what is your favorite soda?

1308. - Diet Phantasma.

1309. - Perfect.

1310. - Help me! Anyone! Help me!

1311. - Fuck's sake!

1312. Who is that now?

1313. Help me!

1314. - Sir, it's gonna break! The S.I. bar has shut down!

1315. They can get in here!

1316. - What do we do, Mr. Rothschild?

1317. - I'm unable to extract.

1318. - What do we do, Mr. Rothschild?

1319. - They're gonna break through!

1320. - They can get in here, Mr. Rothschild!

1321. - Package and ship the product.

1322. - But it's not ready!

1323. - I said get the fucking sodas!

1324. - Careful with the details, son.

1325. She's our star attraction.

1326. - I'm trying, Dad.

1327. - Camera's rolling. Use stage names.

1328. - I'm trying, Dr. Mortis.

1329. - Look at those teeth.

1330. She's alive, Igor! She's alive!

1331. Zack!

1332. - Raaah!

1333. - Aah! Why me? - I got you!

1334. - Nooo!

1335. - Right. We have our witch.

1336. Now we need a torture chamber.

1337. What if next year we did just like a giant chicken head?

1338. - That wouldn't be scary, Dad.

1339. - That wouldn't be scary at all.

1340. No, that would be terrible.

1341. - I really can't wait to go trick-or-treating with Dad.

1342. - Yeah?

1343. - Yeah. - What about me?

1344. Oh, I have to hand out candy to the kids.

1345. We're gonna eat some of these pumpkin guts.

1346. Um, I think you... - Ugh! Ew!

1347. - Oh, look at you two! You're so stinkin' cute.

1348. - We're not cute, Mom. We're scary.

1349. - Out! Out of the laboratory!

1350. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! You're too scary. You're terrifying.

1351. Ah! Ah!

1352. Into our house of horrors.

1353. Hold the hand, 'cause...

1354. - Here? - Yeah, now...

1355. Yeah. Yeah.

1356. - That's much better.

1357. - Ready, Igor? Our guests have arrived.

1358. - Aah!

1359. - That's enough. Turn it off.

1360. Turn the camera off, too. - Oh!

1361. Ohhhh! - Turn it off!

1362. - Hey, come on, turn it back on!

1363. Come on, Zackie, I'm just trying

1364. to get you pumped for our season.

1365. - I'm gonna be pumped to move out and never,

1366. ever do this again.

1367. - Oh, don't be like that, bud.

1368. This maze is important. It's our thing.

1369. - It's your thing. It's important to you.

1370. I'm done being your clown.

1371. - Hey, you loved it when you were a kid.

1372. - Yeah, well, kids like dumb stuff.

1373. - It's not dumb.

1374. Hey, it's not dumb!

1375. Hey, we've always done this together.

1376. You know I can't film the first walk-through without you.

1377. So, what do I have to do? Beg? Bribe?

1378. - I don't know. Call your work buddies.

1379. Dress them up like assholes. See how they like it.

1380. - Yeah, they're alcoholics. You know that?

1381. - Great! Then Dr. Mortis can't make their lives any worse

1382. than they already are. - Stop being dramatic.

1383. No one's ruining anyone's life here.

1384. - The kids at school have an Igor-Mortis junior dance,

1385. Keith.

1386. They draw pictures of me...

1387. doing things in belfries.

1388. - Belfries? You're not even that kind of a hunchback.

1389. Don't you try to explain our lore to these idiots?

1390. - Your lore is why I don't have a girlfriend.

1391. - You're really trying to blame thaton our home haunt?

1392. - You know, I can't tell if you try to be a dick

1393. or if you just can't help it.

1394. - Zack!

1395. - Just give me one more Halloween.

1396. - Keith, I'm done with all this bullshit.

1397. I just don't want to end up like you.

1398. - Zack! Come on.

1399. - Whoa. - Need an assist?

1400. - I used to know how to talk to him.

1401. He just called me Keith.

1402. He's just at that age.

1403. Let me work my magic, okay?

1404. - I remember when I had the magic.

1405. - Can we, uh...?

1406. - Oh, right. Sorry.

1407. Hey, hey! There he is!

1408. I knew you'd come around, Zackie.

1409. - I'm not coming around!

1410. Mom's just better at blackmail than you are.

1411. I want that on the record.

1412. - Oh, come on!

1413. - What are we looking for, exactly?

1414. - Oh, I don't know. Wardrobe, props.

1415. Oh! Scary stuff.

1416. - You really need more junk?

1417. - Hey, weneed more junk.

1418. The scarier, the better.

1419. - Hey, Keith!

1420. No recording.

1421. - Oh, sorry, Janet. Must've forgot.

1422. - We've been over this.

1423. - Okay. I'm sorry.

1424. I didn't forget, Janet.

1425. And I am not sorry.

1426. Zack.

1427. Zack!

1428. Oh, my. Oh...

1429. Oh, man.

1430. Igor Mortis Jr. signature collection.

1431. What have we here?

1432. Keeping the good stuff in the back, huh, Janet?

1433. Oops!

1434. Whoa. Look at all this stuff.

1435. That's a gnarly little guy.

1436. Too sharp.

1437. Ugh, a little too real.

1438. Hey, now we're talking. Mystery trunk.

1439. Ah, no cymbals.

1440. Eh. No sale.

1441. Oh! Oh, man!

1442. Oh, my God.

1443. Oh, my God. Check.

1444. Go on!

1445. Easy, easy. Watch the foam.

1446. - I am! - Ha-ha-ha!

1447. What do you think?

1448. - I think I liked it better when it was smaller.

1449. - What's so funny?

1450. Check it out.

1451. - You steal things now?

1452. - I left some money on the counter.

1453. She won't miss it.

1454. It's perfect. Right?

1455. - Lots of dead kids on this thing, aren't there?

1456. - Eh, like I said, this year will be scary.

1457. I'm talking traumatized neighbors.

1458. 911 calls. TV deals.

1459. "Listener beware.

1460. He who invokes the song of Samhain on All Hallows' Eve

1461. lets loose the riders of hell, with a symphony of the damned!"

1462. Oh, hell yeah!

1463. We've found our overarching narrative.

1464. - Overarching. Right.

1465. - Symphony of the damned.

1466. Alright, Igor, let's get into character.

1467. - Stop squirming. I need to fix your hump.

1468. - Please stop calling it that.

1469. - Are we having fun yet?

1470. - Is it straight?

1471. - It's fine, Keith.

1472. - Well, it needs to cover the entire frame, okay?

1473. - It's fine. Let's get moving.

1474. Come on.

1475. Make sure to get everything.

1476. One for you,

1477. and one for you.

1478. - Hey, Ashley.

1479. - Hey, Zack.

1480. - Hey, Igor.

1481. - Oh, hello, brave little one.

1482. Are you ready to enter our house of horrors?

1483. - Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it.

1484. This shit always looks fake.

1485. - Chill out, Rich.

1486. - If it looks like shit, then why are we doing it?

1487. - 'Cause I want to tell him that it looks like shit.

1488. - Language, Rich. It's a family haunt.

1489. - Don't want your stupid flyer. - It's a family haunt.

1490. I'd like to see you make a haunt.

1491. Could be anywhere else.

1492. Old grouch. Anywhere else.

1493. - Okay.

1494. Recording.

1495. - Come... Come...

1496. - Someone just kill me.

1497. - Enter. - Please.

1498. - It's not gonna be scary. It's gonna be fine.

1499. - This way.

1500. - Keith thinks he's Mr. fucking Halloween.

1501. You know, goes to the Halloween store

1502. and buys some shit, calls it a haunted house.

1503. - Looks like a fire hazard to me.

1504. Seriously. I'm gonna make a call.

1505. - Ladies and gentlemen of the living. - Shh! Quiet, quiet!

1506. - Welcome to your place of eternal rest.

1507. Tonight on All Hallows' Eve, we gather to bear horrible witness.

1508. - Oh, come on, Keith. Get on with it, man.

1509. - Together we gather to open a portal into the beyond,

1510. with this key...

1511. our symphony of the damned.

1512. Do you hear it?

1513. The sound of fingers digging in their graves,

1514. clawing back to our world,

1515. through the soil at your feet.

1516. Hungry for your flesh.

1517. Do you feel them?

1518. Spirits gathering in the air around us.

1519. Drawn to our music. We call out to them.

1520. Hear our song!

1521. Let our symphony open wide the gates of hell!

1522. - Keith, what the fuck?

1523. - Aah!

1524. - What the fuck, Keith? - Did you see that?

1525. - I don't even know why I put up with this shit.

1526. - Is everyone okay?

1527. - What's going on? - I dunno.

1528. - It— It's not real.

1529. - Just take deep breaths.

1530. Everything's fine. It's gonna be fine, I promise.

1531. - I thought this was supposed to be a fucking haunted house,

1532. not a miniature golf course.

1533. Oh, man, Keith, that looks like shit.

1534. - This is so lame.

1535. - Huh? - Keith, what's going on?

1536. - The door won't open.

1537. - What are you talking about? It's a fake door.

1538. - It's all fake.

1539. Same old shit every year, Keith. Come on, man.

1540. - Rich, that is not one of mine!

1541. - Aah! Aaaaah!

1542. - Keith! - Ah! Aaaah!

1543. - Run! Everybody run!

1544. - Oh, God! They're everywhere!

1545. Oh, God!

1546. Aah!

1547. - We're gonna die here! - This way! Towards the crypt!

1548. - God damn stone!

1549. How is it stone?

1550. - Oh, my God!

1551. - Oh, my God!

1552. - We gotta go. We gotta go!

1553. Aaaah!

1554. - Open the door!

1555. - Hurry!

1556. - Keith!

1557. - Let's go! The door!

1558. - Hurry!

1559. - Everybody push!

1560. - Ugh! They're coming!

1561. - Everybody! Everybody, push!

1562. - Oh, God, no!

1563. - No! Don't close the door!

1564. - We could save her!

1565. - We can save her! - No, she's gone.

1566. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

1567. - Zack. Put the camera down.

1568. - I can't.

1569. - If we don't make it out of here,

1570. people need to know what happened,

1571. or else they'll blame you.

1572. Everyone will blame you.

1573. - What's happening to us?

1574. - People are dying, you asshole!

1575. - My husband... is dead.

1576. - I can't explain any of this.

1577. - It's that record!

1578. When we played the music, something —

1579. - What's wrong with her?

1580. - Ruby, are you okay?

1581. - Aah! Aah!

1582. - Don't leave me! Don't leave me!

1583. - Don't go. - Don't leave me!

1584. - No! Don't go in that room!

1585. - Stay here. I got you. - We have to stop her.

1586. We have to get her!

1587. - It's okay.

1588. - Hello?

1589. - H-H-Help... me...

1590. - Where are you?

1591. - Help. - Talk to me.

1592. [Clicking, whirring] - What room is this?

1593. - Oh, God. Oh, no.

1594. - I can't see her. Where are we?

1595. - It's the torture chamber.

1596. - Oh, my God!

1597. - Oh, my God!

1598. Please! Please, God, no!

1599. - Oh, my God!

1600. - Stay away! Stop!

1601. - Everyone... Is everyone all right?

1602. - I'm okay. - Don't look at that, Zack.

1603. - Come on.

1604. This way.

1605. - I want my mommy.

1606. - I'm gonna take you home.

1607. Last room.

1608. - I'm not going in there. - We have to.

1609. - I-I can't! - Zack.

1610. - She's in there! - I'm gonna keep you safe.

1611. I'm sorry I got you into this,

1612. but I swear to God, I'm getting you out.

1613. - Okay, Dad.

1614. - Wait, wait. Where's the little girl?

1615. - Hey, don't go in there!

1616. - Oh, God. - Get her out!

1617. - Ah! Where'd she go?

1618. Where'd she go?

1619. - Mom! Are you okay?

1620. Come on. We gotta get Dad. Come on, please.

1621. Please. We gotta go. Please.

1622. - Keith! Keith!

1623. Keith, get up! Keith! We gotta go. Come on.

1624. - Dad! Get up!

1625. Okay.

1626. - We gotta go.

1627. - Dad! Get down!

1628. - Aah!

1629. - Diet Phantasma —

1630. made with real ghosts.

1631. Made 100% with poltergeist extract.

1632. It's spooktacular, and only one calorie.

1633. It's scary how good it tastes.

1634. Diet Phantasma —

1635. available now from the Octagon Company.