1. MAN 4:22 on
a sunny Thursday afterooon here...Copy !req
2. in Chicago, on K-LITE.Copy !req
3. Now, here's ooe for all you
rush-hour rockers.Copy !req
4. The Beach Boys with "Good Vibrations."Copy !req
5. Hey, Mr. Griswold.Copy !req
6. Vegas, Vegas, Vegas!Copy !req
7. Rusty, Audrey, Ellen?Copy !req
8. Honey? I'm home.Copy !req
9. - Hi, honey.
- Oh, hi, honey.Copy !req
10. - Smells good.
- Oh, well— Don't, don't, don't!Copy !req
11. Kids, come on in here. Gather around.Copy !req
12. - I wanna show you something.
- Is it my new car?Copy !req
13. Keep dreaming, son.Copy !req
14. Here. Eat these.Copy !req
15. - They're chocolate chip.
- They're delicious.Copy !req
16. They're four years old.Copy !req
17. Anyone for milk?Copy !req
18. Eight years old.Copy !req
19. It's my long-life food preservative.
It's finally been approved.Copy !req
20. I got my big bonus.Copy !req
21. - Yeah, Dad.
Congratulations, Daddy.Copy !req
22. Isn't it great?Copy !req
23. And that's not all.Copy !req
24. Mr. Shirley thinks a guy like
Clark Griswold deserves a few days off.Copy !req
25. A guy like Clark Griswold thinks
he should take those days off...Copy !req
26. and take his family
on a fabulous vacation to say...Copy !req
27. fantastic Las Vegas.Copy !req
28. Dad, Las Vegas?
There's nothing to do there.Copy !req
29. Clark, I don't think that Las Vegas
is the kind of place you take a family.Copy !req
30. Oh, come on.Copy !req
31. Las Vegas has changed, Ellen.Copy !req
32. It's the number one
family destination in America.Copy !req
33. Dad, I'm not going.
The people there are so phony.Copy !req
34. Isn't there legalized prostitution?Copy !req
35. Not within the city limits, Russ.Copy !req
36. I'll tell you what there is.Copy !req
37. There's first-class entertainment,
beautiful scenery...Copy !req
38. and all the shrimp cocktail
you can eat.Copy !req
39. Listen, everybody. Who knows how
many more chances we'll get...Copy !req
40. to do something together
as a family?Copy !req
41. I mean, Ellen, you and l
are always working.Copy !req
42. And you guys are growing up so fast,
I hardly recognize you anymore.Copy !req
43. Okay. There's one more reason
why you should all go.Copy !req
44. I'm gonna remarry your mom.Copy !req
45. If she'll have me.Copy !req
46. Really, Sparky?Copy !req
47. What do you say,
Russ? My 20th anniversary.Copy !req
48. I could use a best man.Copy !req
49. Have anybody in mind
for a bridesmaid?Copy !req
50. - How about Audrey?
- Audrey who?Copy !req
51. - Dad.
- What do you say? Let's do it.Copy !req
52. I think this is gonna be
the greatest vacation ever.Copy !req
53. You know you look really
beautiful right now?Copy !req
54. Oh, no.Copy !req
55. You know, honey?Copy !req
56. The guys at work tell me
there's this special club we can join...Copy !req
57. if we meet in the bathroom.Copy !req
58. Clark, are you serious?Copy !req
59. Come on. You love me, don't you?Copy !req
60. I do, but here?Copy !req
61. Now?Copy !req
62. Well, we've been married 20 years.Copy !req
63. How do we do it?Copy !req
64. You go first. I'll be right behind you.Copy !req
65. Are you okay? You look all red.Copy !req
66. Yeah. Just have to go to the restroom.Copy !req
67. Excuse me.Copy !req
68. Where you going, Pop?Copy !req
69. Oh, your mother's got something
caught in her eye.Copy !req
70. Just gonna— I'm gonna help her
get it out.Copy !req
71. Ellen?Copy !req
72. Ow.Copy !req
73. Look, maybe we should join—Copy !req
74. - I don't know if this will work—
- Some other kind of club.Copy !req
75. I just want some time with you.Copy !req
76. - I just think there's—
- This is gonna be such a great vacation.Copy !req
77. - A better time to—
- This is gonna be our best one.Copy !req
78. The flight captain has—Copy !req
79. Foot. Foot. Foot.Copy !req
80. - My foot. My foot.
- I got it. I got it. I got it.Copy !req
81. I'll never fly again.Copy !req
82. I thought the pilot was very helpful.Copy !req
83. See the way the plane applauded?Copy !req
84. You know, if you two wanna use
the bathrooms here, we'll wait.Copy !req
85. Hey, is this for us?Copy !req
86. Clark. A limo?Copy !req
87. We're the Griswolds.Copy !req
88. Sorry, my pen burst in the altitude,
you know?Copy !req
89. I'm sorry, sir. Come.
Please. Come this way. Please.Copy !req
90. This is it. This is it.Copy !req
91. Would you look at this.Copy !req
92. Wayne Newton.Copy !req
93. Wow, it's beautiful.Copy !req
94. Audrey, come here.
You gotta see this.Copy !req
95. Daddy.Copy !req
96. Help. Daddy, I'm stuck.Copy !req
97. Daddy.Copy !req
98. - Vegas. Vegas. Vegas.
Daddy!Copy !req
99. Look, everybody.
I think you should see this.Copy !req
100. Daddy. Daddy.Copy !req
101. Audrey?Copy !req
102. Is this it?Copy !req
103. - Welcome to the fabulous Mirage.
- Thank you.Copy !req
104. Oh, don't worry, Audrey.
It won't leave a permanent line.Copy !req
105. Come on, come on, come on!
There's a lot to do.Copy !req
106. There's a lot to do.Copy !req
107. Welcome to the Mirage.
Your credit card?Copy !req
108. Yes, indeedy. Clark W. Griswold. Four.Copy !req
109. We have excellent
dry-cleaning service...Copy !req
110. - ... if you're so inclined.
- Oh, it's just a birthmark.Copy !req
111. Now, in order to get to your rooms,
go this way through the casino.Copy !req
112. Veer to the left. Take a sharp right
at the first giant palm tree.Copy !req
113. You'll see a group of blackjack tables.
Not baccarat, not craps. Blackjack.Copy !req
114. Take another right
and then wind around left.Copy !req
115. If you get to the pool,
you've gone too far. Back up.Copy !req
116. You'll see a bank of elevators.
They aren't yours. Stay away from them.Copy !req
117. Keep walking. You'll see another bank
of elevators. The gold ones.Copy !req
118. Go to the tenth floor.
Go right at the end of the hallway.Copy !req
119. You'll find your room.Copy !req
120. Any questions?Copy !req
121. No. Not really.Copy !req
122. - Russ.
- Yeah, Dad?Copy !req
123. Oh, there you are. Did you get that?Copy !req
124. Well, let's go then. Thanks.Copy !req
125. Good luck.Copy !req
126. What's this?Copy !req
127. Look at these people.Copy !req
128. Blinded by glitter
and the almighty dollar.Copy !req
129. Clark, the elevators are there.Copy !req
130. Hold on, honey.Copy !req
131. They always put the machines
that pay off the most right in front.Copy !req
132. - Five dollars, Clark?
- Five dollars. Here we go.Copy !req
133. You see? Las Vegas is already
bringing us closer together.Copy !req
134. Let's go to the room.Copy !req
135. Honey, call up the kids.Copy !req
136. See how they like this.Copy !req
137. Rusty and Audrey Griswold, please.Copy !req
138. Mom, we're next door.
Can't we get our own rooms?Copy !req
139. Honey, please don't spoil
your daddy's fun.Copy !req
140. Dad, we're too old for this.Copy !req
141. Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
142. Come on.Copy !req
143. Sit down.Copy !req
144. Kids, remember
when you were babies?Copy !req
145. No.Copy !req
146. It was a wonderful time.Copy !req
147. We had your cribs right in our bedroom.Copy !req
148. Then we'd wrap you up in those
little baby blankets...Copy !req
149. and roll you back and forth
across the bed into each other.Copy !req
150. Those days are—
Well, they're almost over.Copy !req
151. So to close out that
wonderful chapter in our lives...Copy !req
152. I got us four tickets
to Siegfried and Roy.Copy !req
153. Number one show on the planet.Copy !req
154. "Masters of the Impossible."Copy !req
155. Yeah. And we're all going.Copy !req
156. Because we're the Griswolds.Copy !req
157. Can't you just wrap me up in a blanket
and roll me across the bed again?Copy !req
158. No, Russ. Get dressed.Copy !req
159. Hey. Wanna try our hand
at a little blackjack?Copy !req
160. What do you know
about blackjack, Clark?Copy !req
161. Honey, did you forget
I was in the Army?Copy !req
162. You weren't in the Army, Clark.Copy !req
163. Well, not in the Army, but I have played
cards with men in uniform.Copy !req
164. Just don't want you to lose
all your money. That's all.Copy !req
165. When a man can come to Las Vegas
with a few extra bucks in his pocket...Copy !req
166. maybe throw a ten-spot
down on a table...Copy !req
167. pay an extra dollar
for a steak with his eggs...Copy !req
168. that's a happy day for that man.Copy !req
169. And when his woman is at his side—Copy !req
170. Ellen?Copy !req
171. Is that Wayne Newton?Copy !req
172. I suppose it is. Why?
Want his autograph?Copy !req
173. I think he's staring at me.Copy !req
174. No. No, l— I must be tired.
Maybe I'll go find the kids.Copy !req
175. No. I think they want a little time
away from mama and papa bear.Copy !req
176. Let's let them get into some trouble.Copy !req
177. Rusty.
- Audrey, I'm asking for five bucks.Copy !req
178. What'll you do if you win?
Run away?Copy !req
179. You're the most boring person
to travel with.Copy !req
180. Fine. You want five bucks?
Here. Here, big man.Copy !req
181. - Here's five bucks.
- Thank you.Copy !req
182. - Get a wallet.
- Jeez.Copy !req
183. - Hi.
Good evening.Copy !req
184. Would the two of you have any lD?Copy !req
185. Well, you see, we left our lDs
upstairs, actually.Copy !req
186. See, we're on our honeymoon,
but if you wait here for two minutes...Copy !req
187. I'll can run upstairs and get the lD.
I'll be right back. Okay?Copy !req
188. My friend, $200 in chips, please?Copy !req
189. Good evening. Changing 200.Copy !req
190. You know blackjack is the only
game where a smart player...Copy !req
191. has a mathematical advantage
over the house?Copy !req
192. Are you a professional?Copy !req
193. Me? No. Not really.Copy !req
194. Are you?Copy !req
195. Place your bet, sir.
- Yes, the bet.Copy !req
196. Okay. What the hell.Copy !req
197. - Hit me.
It's a bust.Copy !req
198. Las Vegas Fun Police.
Hand over your chips.Copy !req
199. - Eddie?
- Twenty-two. Player busts.Copy !req
200. Oh, man. It is a blazer out there.Copy !req
201. You're lucky you got air conditioning
in here like Mother Nature intended.Copy !req
202. Clark Griswold, did you think
you were gonna get to Las Vegas...Copy !req
203. - ... and not see your favorite cousin, huh?
- Your bet.Copy !req
204. There you go. What are you doing
in Las Vegas, Eddie?Copy !req
205. Where else can you wear shorts
24 hours a day, huh?Copy !req
206. Whoa! I am on fire.Copy !req
207. - What?
- Shuffling.Copy !req
208. Here's the best part.Copy !req
209. Thanks to that defective plate
in my head...Copy !req
210. the VA gave me a huge plot of
government land just north of town.Copy !req
211. Oh, yeah. Every time I belch
the plate shifts and my legs give out.Copy !req
212. But, man, what a view.Copy !req
213. Nineteen.Copy !req
214. - Twenty.
- Oh, he's good.Copy !req
215. He's good.Copy !req
216. - Another 100 in chips, please.
Changing 100.Copy !req
217. That's it, Clark.Copy !req
218. Show them who's boss.Copy !req
219. It's people like you who blow the family
nest egg here that built this town.Copy !req
220. Not this pretty boy.Copy !req
221. Whoa!Copy !req
222. Oh, gee.Copy !req
223. I can't believe it.Copy !req
224. I've lost $300 in 15 minutes?Copy !req
225. Hi.
I'm okay. I'm okay.Copy !req
226. You're very kind. You're very kind.Copy !req
227. Wow, what a great audience!
- Yeah. All right. Awesome.Copy !req
228. Terrific.Copy !req
229. - May I ask you where you come from?
- Me? Chicago, Illinois.Copy !req
230. - Fantastic. All right.
- Chicago.Copy !req
231. - Sir, why don't you come on stage?
- Oh, come on, Clark. It'll be fun.Copy !req
232. - Yeah, Dad, do it.
- No. I can't—Copy !req
233. - Go on.
- All right. I'll play along. Okay.Copy !req
234. Give him a hand.Copy !req
235. - Good to have you.
Be comfortable.Copy !req
236. What is your name, sir?Copy !req
237. - Clark Griswold.
- Clark Griswold.Copy !req
238. Marvelous.Copy !req
239. Now, let's do some real magic.Copy !req
240. - Clark—
- Listen, I know the routine.Copy !req
241. What's it gonna be tonight?
Wires? Mirrors? Trap doors?Copy !req
242. You know, I happen to know
a little magic.Copy !req
243. I don't know if you've ever seen this.Copy !req
244. Can you tell it's my thumb, huh?Copy !req
245. Looks like my thumb, but it's not.Copy !req
246. I'll do whatever you want.
It doesn't matter to me.Copy !req
247. I'm here to help.Copy !req
248. Enter.
- Okay. I know this one. Yeah.Copy !req
249. Trust me.
All right. I'll trust you.Copy !req
250. So this is going up then, huh?
I'll just go with it.Copy !req
251. Me.Copy !req
252. Great.Copy !req
253. All right.Copy !req
254. I wonder where Dad went.
- I haven't got a clue.Copy !req
255. How'd you do at the tables last night?Copy !req
256. I'm about even.Copy !req
257. - Why'd you tell Eddie we were here?
- Oh, come on.Copy !req
258. How often do I get to see
my cousin Catherine?Copy !req
259. Anyway, we're just stopping by
for lunch.Copy !req
260. I wanna gamble.Copy !req
261. Russell, I never wanna hear
those words out of your mouth again.Copy !req
262. Gambling is a very serious business.Copy !req
263. Is that clear?Copy !req
264. Excuse me a minute.Copy !req
265. - Fifty on black, please.
No more bets.Copy !req
266. - Red 25. Red wins.
- Jeez!Copy !req
267. Shall we?Copy !req
268. Remember me?Copy !req
269. Yes.Copy !req
270. Love you.Copy !req
271. Your baby?Copy !req
272. Are you watching for an address, Clark?Copy !req
273. - Yeah, Dad. What block are we on?
- Very funny, Russ.Copy !req
274. Honey, will you check the map again?Copy !req
275. Hey, could that be it?Copy !req
276. Well, Eddie said there was
enough room for a pool.Copy !req
277. Get out the sunscreen.Copy !req
278. Cousins.Copy !req
279. What do you think of my spread, huh?Copy !req
280. Can you believe it? They used to test
H-bombs on this beautiful property.Copy !req
281. Oh, Ellen. I missed you so much.Copy !req
282. Ellen.Copy !req
283. Eddie, don't you worry
about radiation?Copy !req
284. All I know, Clark, is my teeth
have never been whiter...Copy !req
285. and my garden is spitting out
50-pound tomatoes.Copy !req
286. Hey, Denny boy, come on over here.Copy !req
287. Would you just look at that view?Copy !req
288. It's government property all around us,
so you know nobody's gonna build.Copy !req
289. Look at this one here.Copy !req
290. They grow up so fast, don't they?Copy !req
291. I tell him he's gonna pierce
himself shut...Copy !req
292. but what can you do?Copy !req
293. - The boy likes eating through a straw.
- Gotta let kids make their own mistakes.Copy !req
294. Doesn't that hurt?Copy !req
295. It's not bad.Copy !req
296. Who's hungry?Copy !req
297. - You need help with the grill, Eddie?
- No, thanks, Clark. Don't have one.Copy !req
298. I'll get the tongs.Copy !req
299. Renewing your wedding vows?Copy !req
300. Oh, that's so wonderful.Copy !req
301. I wish Eddie and I had time
for that sort of thing.Copy !req
302. But with the constant windstorms
and flash floods...Copy !req
303. oppressive heat and home schooling,
we don't have a minute free.Copy !req
304. - Could you hand me that oven mitt?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
305. I love what you've done
with the kitchenette.Copy !req
306. Oh, thanks. Yeah, listen...Copy !req
307. - ... things could be a lot worse.
- Yeah. You could be pregnant again.Copy !req
308. Oh, no.Copy !req
309. I've been earning money
testing fertility drugs.Copy !req
310. And I think this one's
gonna be a winner.Copy !req
311. Everybody loves a baby.Copy !req
312. Yeah. Life is good.Copy !req
313. My kids are thriving.Copy !req
314. Little Ruby-Sue must have grown
a foot since you saw her last.Copy !req
315. - Daddy, Daddy, I caught another snake.
- That's good, sweetheart.Copy !req
316. Go put it in the pit
with the other ones.Copy !req
317. And get inside and work on
your typing.Copy !req
318. Nice kids, Eddie.Copy !req
319. Don't ever pick me up again.Copy !req
320. Jerk.Copy !req
321. Look who's home.Copy !req
322. This one here's my pride and joy.Copy !req
323. Lord is my witness, I hate this heat.Copy !req
324. If it ain't gluing your butt
to the seat...Copy !req
325. it's making you sweat
like a farm animal.Copy !req
326. And I want something better!Copy !req
327. Hey, everybody.Copy !req
328. You remember your cousin Vickie,
don't you, Russ? She's a dancer now.Copy !req
329. Her picture's everywhere.Copy !req
330. Phone booths, men's rooms.Copy !req
331. She's famous.Copy !req
332. Show them that little move
I taught you there, pork chop.Copy !req
333. Don't think unnatural thoughts
about your cousin, Russ.Copy !req
334. She's got her mama's looks
and her daddy's sense of balance.Copy !req
335. Hose down, now, kids.
Chicken's almost ready.Copy !req
336. - How's your chicken? Mine's dry as hell.
- Mine's dry as hell too.Copy !req
337. You wanna hang with me tonight,
I'll give you my beeper number.Copy !req
338. Really? That would be great.Copy !req
339. If you're still hungry, I can wrestle
the potato salad from the dog.Copy !req
340. As appealing as that sounds, Eddie,
we should be going.Copy !req
341. Still got a lot of sightseeing,
and I added tetanus shot to the list.Copy !req
342. Sorry about the tablecloth.Copy !req
343. Rusty's never had
this reaction to poultry before.Copy !req
344. He just ain't used to real home cooking.
Are you, tiger?Copy !req
345. Eddie.Copy !req
346. - Eddie, he's sick. Anyway, I—
- He'll be all right.Copy !req
347. Wish you and Catherine could come,
but no room for the kids.Copy !req
348. - So thanks for the lunch, and bye.
Not so fast, Clark.Copy !req
349. Let me get the babysitter.Copy !req
350. Hey, kids. Roundup time.Copy !req
351. That'll keep them busy for hours.Copy !req
352. Where are we going?Copy !req
353. Hoover Dam. Over 1000
feet wide, and 727 feet to the bottom.Copy !req
354. Where can I buy some bait?Copy !req
355. Oh, I love electricity.
Eddie says we're gonna get some soon.Copy !req
356. What a magnificent achievement.Copy !req
357. Clark, this is a family vacation.
Could you try to stay with the family?Copy !req
358. Oh, I'm sorry, honey.Copy !req
359. This way, please.
The tour is about to start.Copy !req
360. Welcome, everyone.Copy !req
361. I am your dam guide, Arnie.Copy !req
362. Now, I'm about to take you through
a fully functioning power plant.Copy !req
363. So please, no one wander off
the dam tour.Copy !req
364. And please, take all
the dam pictures you want.Copy !req
365. Now, are there any dam questions?Copy !req
366. Yeah. Where can I get some damn bait?Copy !req
367. Eddie.Copy !req
368. This way, please.Copy !req
369. What did he say?Copy !req
370. "This way."Copy !req
371. Don't worry about water leaking through
the rocks, folks. It's perfectly normal.Copy !req
372. Please, keep up with the tour.Copy !req
373. This is one of the oldest
dam tunnels we have.Copy !req
374. Audrey. Audrey, come here.Copy !req
375. Give me your gum.Copy !req
376. - Out of my mouth?
- I don't care. Any gum. Give me gum.Copy !req
377. - Look what's happening here.
- Here.Copy !req
378. Just tell them I'll catch up.Copy !req
379. Yeah... Yeah.Copy !req
380. Damn it.Copy !req
381. Hello?Copy !req
382. Ellen? Russ?Copy !req
383. Where the hell is the damn dam tour?Copy !req
384. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.Copy !req
385. Ellen?Copy !req
386. And there are over 100 million tons
of cement in these walls.Copy !req
387. Ellen?Copy !req
388. Hello? Hello? Help.Copy !req
389. It's not that high.Copy !req
390. Okay. Here we go.Copy !req
391. Let's see if I still got it.Copy !req
392. Nice breeze up here.Copy !req
393. And that's
how a power plant works.Copy !req
394. How?Copy !req
395. This tour gets better every week.Copy !req
396. - Fishing's been better, though.
- Yeah.Copy !req
397. Remember when I had the puffer fish?Copy !req
398. Just like in gym class.Copy !req
399. One hand at a time.Copy !req
400. - Ellen!
- What was that?Copy !req
401. - Oh, my God. Clark!
- Daddy!Copy !req
402. Sorry, honey. I'll be right up.
Daddy.Copy !req
403. - Daddy.
- Clark.Copy !req
404. Clark?Copy !req
405. This is steep.Copy !req
406. Okay. Here we go.Copy !req
407. I got it.
Need some help, Clark?Copy !req
408. No. I got it.Copy !req
409. That's a workout there, isn't it?
Climbed all the way up there.Copy !req
410. - I almost lost my tag.
Clark.Copy !req
411. Drinks at the Snacketeria, on me.Copy !req
412. I can't help noticing you're taking more
of an interest in the fairer sex lately.Copy !req
413. There's something your old dad
would like to say about that:Copy !req
414. You see, Russ, there comes a time
in every young man's life...Copy !req
415. when he enters...Copy !req
416. the fragrant garden
of beautiful flowers.Copy !req
417. And he wants to enter that garden
with a knowledge and a mulch...Copy !req
418. to let the flowers bloom
more brightly, rather than—Copy !req
419. - Dad.
- What?Copy !req
420. If this is about sex, I already know.Copy !req
421. - You do?
- Yeah.Copy !req
422. Oh.Copy !req
423. Good talk, son.Copy !req
424. So, what's it gonna be tonight?
"The Amazing Elvis Monkeys"?Copy !req
425. - How about "Liberace on Ice"?
- Oh, Clark, I don't' know.Copy !req
426. It's been such a long day.Copy !req
427. At Hoover Dam today...Copy !req
428. the water level dropped four feet
after an unexplained flood...Copy !req
429. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
430. Hey, look at this.Copy !req
431. Four tickets to Wayne Newton.Copy !req
432. Wayne Newton?Copy !req
433. That's Las Vegas,
they never stop giving.Copy !req
434. - Yeah?
- Hi. For Ellen Griswold.Copy !req
435. - I'm Mr. Ellen Griswold. Thank you.
- Okay.Copy !req
436. "Please wear this tonight. A friend."Copy !req
437. Hey, who's it from, Mom?Copy !req
438. I don't know.Copy !req
439. But it's beautiful.Copy !req
440. I guess they really know
how to treat their high rollers.Copy !req
441. Okay, kids. Lnspection in five minutes.Copy !req
442. You heard your father. Move it.Copy !req
443. Wayne Newton just happens to be
one of America's greatest entertainers.Copy !req
444. You don't know the affect
he has on women.Copy !req
445. Yes. Griswold.
Right this way, sir.Copy !req
446. Here.Copy !req
447. Make the seats good.Copy !req
448. No...Copy !req
449. No gratuity is necessary, sir.Copy !req
450. - No, really. Keep it.
- Follow me, please.Copy !req
451. Oh, Clark.Copy !req
452. - We're in the front row!
- I tipped him.Copy !req
453. What energy!Copy !req
454. Thank you.Copy !req
455. You're really
a magical group of people.Copy !req
456. Oh, Greg, give me some birds.
Let me hear some birds.Copy !req
457. Mrs. Ellen Griswold.Copy !req
458. Ellen, huh?Copy !req
459. Holy crap.
Wayne Newton's hitting on Mom.Copy !req
460. It's all part of the act, Russ.Copy !req
461. Now you.Copy !req
462. Well, I think we know
who sent the dress.Copy !req
463. You're very lucky. I've been to every
Wayne show for the last 15 years.Copy !req
464. And I've never seen him
do anything like this.Copy !req
465. No, I'm just saying I've never
heard you hit those notes before.Copy !req
466. Don't worry, Clark. You have nothing
to fear from Wayne Newton. He's...Copy !req
467. unattainable.Copy !req
468. - Mom, you didn't see the way he was—?
Watch your mouth.Copy !req
469. I think I'll go upstairs
and take a bath.Copy !req
470. Not me.Copy !req
471. - Anybody up for craps?
- We're too young, remember?Copy !req
472. Oh, yeah.
I remember when I was too young.Copy !req
473. Here.Copy !req
474. Both of you take 20 bucks.
If you need Daddy, I'll be...Copy !req
475. rolling the dice. Have fun, kids.Copy !req
476. - Have a nice night.
- See you later.Copy !req
477. Daddy wants a seven! Let's go, seven!Copy !req
478. - Seven. A winner!
- Yeah!Copy !req
479. Place your bets.
Lucky roller coming out.Copy !req
480. - Place your bets.
Yeah.Copy !req
481. - Yeah.
Yeah.Copy !req
482. Let go of me. Let go of me!Copy !req
483. Clark? There he is. Clark!Copy !req
484. See, I told you. Clark!Copy !req
485. Look out, don't hurt me now.
Don't hurt me.Copy !req
486. Nice place for a pearl necklace.Copy !req
487. - Sir, do you know this person?
- No, no. Hi. Clark W. Griswold.Copy !req
488. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
489. Have you ever swam with the dolphins?
Them things is hard to catch.Copy !req
490. Twelve. Craps. A loser.Copy !req
491. Eddie, has anybody ever
told you before:Copy !req
492. "You're bad luck"?Copy !req
493. Those were my mother's dying words.Copy !req
494. But when you got your body covered
in third-degree burns...Copy !req
495. and your foot's caught in a bear trap,
you'll talk crazy.Copy !req
496. I seem to have run out of pocket money.
Do you cash checks?Copy !req
497. - Only if you're staying at the hotel, sir.
- Indeed I am.Copy !req
498. There we are.Copy !req
499. No problem.Copy !req
500. Good luck, Mr. Griswold.Copy !req
501. Clark...Copy !req
502. if you're thinking about buying me
a Cadillac, forget it.Copy !req
503. - I won't take it.
- No. Just trying to get even, Eddie.Copy !req
504. Now, where can I do
the most damage?Copy !req
505. Shrimp cocktail, 29 cents.Copy !req
506. - Fake lDs.
- How'd you know?Copy !req
507. When I was your age,
they had to use a water cannon...Copy !req
508. to keep me away from the girls.Copy !req
509. Ten bucks. Ten, ten.Copy !req
510. Shrimp, ladies.Copy !req
511. Ten of them. I need the 10.Copy !req
512. Here.Copy !req
513. - Thanks.
- Have a good evening, Mr. Morris.Copy !req
514. Oh, whatever.Copy !req
515. Another 21!
Yeah, Clark, you nailed her there.Copy !req
516. Oh, okay. Let's see.
House has 14, and house busts.Copy !req
517. You're on a roll now!
- Yeah!Copy !req
518. Wendy, you are my lucky charm.Copy !req
519. I don't know what is wrong
with me tonight.Copy !req
520. - You're rolling.
- Good luck, everybody.Copy !req
521. Good luck, everybody.Copy !req
522. Batter up.Copy !req
523. Big bet for a big man.Copy !req
524. Sure you don't wanna save
a few bucks for the buffet?Copy !req
525. Okay, wise guy. Let's see how you do
against three hands.Copy !req
526. This should be sweet.Copy !req
527. Sweet for me, Marty. You're finished.Copy !req
528. Straw.Copy !req
529. Eddie, I'm trying to concentrate.Copy !req
530. Oh, yeah! That's a bigger fire
than the red drink.Copy !req
531. Did you come to Las Vegas
to be a showgirl?Copy !req
532. No, I'm on vacation with my parents.Copy !req
533. Hard to believe we're related, right?Copy !req
534. - A drink, please.
- Welcome to the Riviera.Copy !req
535. May I see some ID?Copy !req
536. I think we have a problem, sir.Copy !req
537. Good night.Copy !req
538. Hey, pal, why the long face?Copy !req
539. You know that crap lD you sold me?
I want my 10 bucks back.Copy !req
540. Those lousy bums threw you out?Copy !req
541. Helicopter rides to the Grand Canyon.
See it as God does.Copy !req
542. They tossed me.Copy !req
543. Oops. Yeah.Copy !req
544. Don't they realize
what it's like to be:Copy !req
545. A boy on the town
When he's in loveCopy !req
546. - Just give me my $10 back.
- I'm not through with you yet, all right?Copy !req
547. You're Nick Pappagiorgio.Copy !req
548. You're from Yuma, Arizona.
You're into software.Copy !req
549. Stick your head in and say,
"Joey Heatherton."Copy !req
550. - Right here on the strip?
- Smile, kid. You're in Vegas.Copy !req
551. So you guys have been together
longer than the real Beatles?Copy !req
552. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
553. Great. Will you excuse me?Copy !req
554. Hey! You wanna dance up here?Copy !req
555. No, I don't think so.Copy !req
556. Audrey, honey, let me tell you
something I learned:Copy !req
557. In this world, you're either
up on the stage in the spotlight...Copy !req
558. or down in the pit serving drinks.Copy !req
559. Go have some fun.Copy !req
560. Audrey?Copy !req
561. Audrey!Copy !req
562. What are you doing up there?Copy !req
563. I'm starting my vacation.Copy !req
564. She's gonna break a lot of hearts.Copy !req
565. She's gonna break something.Copy !req
566. Congratulations.
You've won the car.Copy !req
567. Could I see some ID, please?Copy !req
568. And where would you like the car sent,
Mr. Pappagiorgio?Copy !req
569. Eighteen.Copy !req
570. Nineteen. So close.Copy !req
571. Oh, come on.Copy !req
572. That's it. I've had enough.
Let's get out of here.Copy !req
573. Good luck, sir.Copy !req
574. I ain't seen a beating like that since
somebody stuck a banana in my pants...Copy !req
575. and turned a monkey loose.Copy !req
576. Thanks for the pick-me-up, Eddie.Copy !req
577. Why don't you just call it a night
and let Ellen lick your wounds.Copy !req
578. That sounds great, but Ellen
went to sleep hours ago.Copy !req
579. Then she must be
one hell of a sleepwalker.Copy !req
580. Good night, Eddie.Copy !req
581. So that's how they got the title
"Danke Schoen."Copy !req
582. - It means "Thank you."
- "Thank you" in German.Copy !req
583. Oh.Copy !req
584. Ellen, what are you doing up?
I thought you went to bed.Copy !req
585. It got late.
I got worried about you.Copy !req
586. Clark, Wayne Newton.Copy !req
587. - Pleased to meet you.
- Into food preservatives? What a gas.Copy !req
588. I like it.Copy !req
589. - Being on the road is just—
- You've been everywhere.Copy !req
590. We never go anYWhere. We're boring.
Clark falls asleep in front of the TV.Copy !req
591. I guess I'll just go upstairs
and get some sleep.Copy !req
592. Well, okay. Okay. Look.
Look, let me just tip the piano player.Copy !req
593. - She was marvelous.
- I might have some...Copy !req
594. I've got a chip here.Copy !req
595. Danke schoen.Copy !req
596. - Thanks.
- Like to sit down?Copy !req
597. Very special lady.Copy !req
598. That's why I entered into the sacred
bond of marriage with her.Copy !req
599. I hear that.Copy !req
600. You know, Clark, I love women.Copy !req
601. I observe them. I cherish them.Copy !req
602. Don't let that one
get out of your sight.Copy !req
603. Okay.Copy !req
604. Wayne has invited us to Shenandoah
tomorrow for lunch and festivities.Copy !req
605. - That's my home.
- Thank you.Copy !req
606. Love to. But we have a lot of plans,
don't we?Copy !req
607. Yeah.Copy !req
608. Oh, my God!Copy !req
609. It's Wayne Newton!Copy !req
610. I'm a fan, sir. I am a fan.
I can't believe I'm standing next to you.Copy !req
611. Well, here, take my seat, Eddie.Copy !req
612. - Thank you for the drink, Wayne.
- Okay. Good night, Wayne.Copy !req
613. Do you need a bodyguard?
I'd die for you.Copy !req
614. - Can I play five dollars in coins, please?
- What?Copy !req
615. I'd like to bet five dollars.Copy !req
616. Five dollars. New roller coming out.Copy !req
617. - Kid looks like a shooter.
- I'll go for this.Copy !req
618. - Go for this. I'm ready.
He looks like a shooter.Copy !req
619. - Yo, 1 1, 7, any way!
Come on!Copy !req
620. - Seven. Any way.
- Seven now.Copy !req
621. - Seven. A winner!
- Yeah.Copy !req
622. Way to go, kid.Copy !req
623. - You wanna press it?
- Press it?Copy !req
624. I wanna press this up.Copy !req
625. Press this up?
- Yeah. Yeah, press it.Copy !req
626. Give him the dice. He can do it.
Come on.Copy !req
627. - Come on, baby. Come on.
- Seven. Any way.Copy !req
628. - Seven. Winner!
- Yeah!Copy !req
629. - Yeah!
Yeah!Copy !req
630. Fantastic. This kid's great.Copy !req
631. I'm sorry to bother you, sir.
May I see some ID?Copy !req
632. Yeah. LD? Sure.Copy !req
633. Thank you.Copy !req
634. Welcome to the Mirage,
Mr. Pappagiorgio. My name is Dean.Copy !req
635. Why do they do that
when we got a hot table? Why?Copy !req
636. - Thank you, Dean.
- How do you like Yuma?Copy !req
637. Yuma. It's great.Copy !req
638. My wife and kids are back in Yuma
where I work in software...Copy !req
639. in the software business.Copy !req
640. Hey, let the man roll the dice.Copy !req
641. No corrective lenses tonight?Copy !req
642. No, I do not require them.Copy !req
643. - Good luck, sir.
- Let's go, kid! Let's do this.Copy !req
644. - But you do.
Come on!Copy !req
645. - Come on!
Seven again.Copy !req
646. - Yes.
Seven again! I can't believe it!Copy !req
647. - Russ? Audrey?
Oh, Clark, don't wake them.Copy !req
648. Forget craps, forget blackjack...Copy !req
649. if you wanna make money in a casino,
walk up to a baccarat table and say:Copy !req
650. "I wanna play baccarat."Copy !req
651. You feeling lucky tonight, Sparky?Copy !req
652. Not now, honey.
They're teaching me baccarat.Copy !req
653. I'm learning baccarat.Copy !req
654. Bet with the player.Copy !req
655. That's not exactly what I had in mind.Copy !req
656. Bet with the bank. Bet with the bank.
Bet with the player.Copy !req
657. Nine is a natural.Copy !req
658. Bet with the bank.
Bet with the player.Copy !req
659. Nine is a natural.Copy !req
660. Bet with the bank.Copy !req
661. Bet with the player.Copy !req
662. Nine is a natural.Copy !req
663. - Bet with the bank.
- Clark!Copy !req
664. Eight is a winner. What?Copy !req
665. - Honey—
- Give me that.Copy !req
666. Think we ought to be doing this
before we get married?Copy !req
667. - Hard six coming out.
What?Copy !req
668. Hit me.Copy !req
669. Ow! Good night, honey.Copy !req
670. He'll do it again.
The kid's gonna do it again.Copy !req
671. Do it again.
Hit me!Copy !req
672. Right now. Ready?Copy !req
673. Seven out.Copy !req
674. - Nice roll, Mr. Nick.
- You did good, kid.Copy !req
675. - Thank you.
- Cash me in.Copy !req
676. - Kid, you made me a lot of money.
- Great roll.Copy !req
677. - Jilly from Philly.
- Nick Pappagiorgio from Yuma.Copy !req
678. Nick Pappagiorgio from Yuma?
You like getting massaged?Copy !req
679. - By who?
- By who? By me.Copy !req
680. Meet us in the spa
at 10:00 tomorrow morning.Copy !req
681. Randy, this guy is with us.
You take care of him.Copy !req
682. We're so impressed
with your playing...Copy !req
683. we'd like to invite you to stay
in one of our suites. Follow me.Copy !req
684. And if there's anything you need,
don't hesitate to call me.Copy !req
685. Thank you.Copy !req
686. Oh, my God.Copy !req
687. Card counting, Clark?Copy !req
688. - Is that legal?
- Sharpens the player's edge.Copy !req
689. Hello.Copy !req
690. Hey! Here come the kids.Copy !req
691. Okay. What happened
to you last night?Copy !req
692. Hey, what are you having
for breakfast, lazybones?Copy !req
693. Coffee.
- Make it three.Copy !req
694. Four it is. Hey, gang!Copy !req
695. Don't shout, Daddy.Copy !req
696. I had an idea.Copy !req
697. How about an "alone day"
where each of us Griswolds...Copy !req
698. goes out and explores the city
of Las Vegas in their own personal way?Copy !req
699. I don't think that's a very good idea.Copy !req
700. - Great.
- Love you.Copy !req
701. Be back at 5.Copy !req
702. Oh, you'll have a great time.Copy !req
703. Have fun.Copy !req
704. Payback time.Copy !req
705. Five hundred dollars.Copy !req
706. You don't know when to quit,
do you?Copy !req
707. - Chips.
- Changing 500.Copy !req
708. Here's an idea:Copy !req
709. Why don't you give me half the money
you were gonna bet...Copy !req
710. then we'll go out back, I'll kick you
in the nuts, and we'll call it a day?Copy !req
711. Pappagiorgio?Copy !req
712. - How are you enjoying that massage?
- I'm enjoying it, Jilly, I really am.Copy !req
713. You know what your problem is, Nick?
You're a nervous guy.Copy !req
714. You gotta learn how to relax.Copy !req
715. You're right, Jilly. I know I do.Copy !req
716. A little harder on the shoulders.Copy !req
717. That's it, kid.Copy !req
718. Now that you got that, all we gotta do
is teach you how to dress.Copy !req
719. Now aren't you a little slice of pie?Copy !req
720. Are you thinking of dancing, honey?Copy !req
721. No.
- She's got a body for it, though.Copy !req
722. I do? Thanks.Copy !req
723. Well, do it while
you're young and foolish.Copy !req
724. I'm going to college in the fall, but
I'm doing volunteer work this summer.Copy !req
725. - Our prime years are few and fast.
- Woulda, coulda, shoulda.Copy !req
726. Helen, show this girl
something with a heel.Copy !req
727. Hit me.Copy !req
728. Yeah. Twenty.Copy !req
729. It's 20. It's a push!Copy !req
730. - I didn't lose.
- That's it.Copy !req
731. Griswold, you are freaking dead.Copy !req
732. I love you, kid!Copy !req
733. Fantastic. Unbelievable.Copy !req
734. Ellen. Outrageous.
Where's the rest of the family?Copy !req
735. They're busy.Copy !req
736. Did I catch you at a bad time?Copy !req
737. - Because I could just—
- No, no.Copy !req
738. A singer's body is his instrument,
and I believe in keeping it finely tuned.Copy !req
739. Come on in. Let's have some fun.Copy !req
740. Blackjack.Copy !req
741. Blackjack. Blackjack.Copy !req
742. Yeah.
Six!Copy !req
743. They're not bad.Copy !req
744. These boys aren't much to talk to...Copy !req
745. but if you need a night away
from your cat, they're more than fine.Copy !req
746. No!Copy !req
747. Yeah!Copy !req
748. What? What did you say?Copy !req
749. I said, blackjack!Copy !req
750. Changing 1600.Copy !req
751. Lunch was wonderful.Copy !req
752. I hope you enjoyed the company
as much as the food.Copy !req
753. Oh, Wayne.Copy !req
754. Please, madame. Chin up.Copy !req
755. Ellen, you know,
I've always felt very blessed...Copy !req
756. by all the gifts that I've been given.Copy !req
757. But after meeting you,
I realize how truly alone I am.Copy !req
758. But, Wayne, you have millions of fans.Copy !req
759. Please, they just love me
for my talent.Copy !req
760. I feel so many things right now.Copy !req
761. I wish I could spend
the rest of my life with you.Copy !req
762. Well...Copy !req
763. We could turn the den into a guest room.
But I don't know about your horses.Copy !req
764. Clark pretty much likes the garage
for the car and the lawnmowers.Copy !req
765. Ellen, you're too much.Copy !req
766. I have something for you.Copy !req
767. It's a lock of my hair.Copy !req
768. Gosh.Copy !req
769. Oh, it's getting late.Copy !req
770. I've gotta go. But thank you.Copy !req
771. - It's been wonderful.
- Ellen, wait.Copy !req
772. If you have nothing to do later,
please come back.Copy !req
773. I'm gonna make pasta.Copy !req
774. Come on, Griswold,
you think this sign's here...Copy !req
775. to hold down the table?Copy !req
776. - What can I do with five dollars?
- Gee, I don't know.Copy !req
777. Buy a bullet and rent a gun?Copy !req
778. Hey, I'll see you. Have a good time.
- Alrighty.Copy !req
779. Rusty?Copy !req
780. Ellen?Copy !req
781. Good luck, sir.Copy !req
782. I had a fantastic alone day, Clark.Copy !req
783. - It was a great idea.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
784. - Where did you get that stuff?
- At the men's store. Ask for Caesar.Copy !req
785. - Daddy!
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
786. - Look, Dad, Vickie took me to her stylist.
Clark.Copy !req
787. Did you know there were 92 individual
muscles in the human throat?Copy !req
788. All this time I thought I was unhappy
with you and Mom.Copy !req
789. But I was just dissatisfied with myself.
All that's changed, thanks to Las Vegas.Copy !req
790. Dad, this is Larry, Kurt and Ira.
They're professional entertainers.Copy !req
791. - Nice to meet you, sir.
- How do you do?Copy !req
792. You know what drives me crazy?
Baccarat tables.Copy !req
793. Larry can bend his leg up over his head
without falling. Wanna see?Copy !req
794. See this.
- It's after-riding wear.Copy !req
795. - If those guys weren't bust-outs—
Isn't it lovely?Copy !req
796. All of you come with me now.Copy !req
797. Not you.Copy !req
798. Now, listen, I know we haven't seen
a lot of each other lately...Copy !req
799. and that's okay,
but we're the Griswolds.Copy !req
800. And we're on vacation.Copy !req
801. And starting right now,
we're gonna have a great time.Copy !req
802. But, Dad, we're having a great time.Copy !req
803. Who knew my sister had
the legs of a thoroughbred?Copy !req
804. - Am I right?
- Shut up, Russ.Copy !req
805. The point is, starting now...Copy !req
806. we're gonna have
a great time together.Copy !req
807. How?Copy !req
808. How? Well...Copy !req
809. How?Copy !req
810. Well, we could all...Copy !req
811. sit on a bench as a family
and watch a beautiful Vegas sunset.Copy !req
812. Wouldn't that be great?Copy !req
813. Audrey.Copy !req
814. We could count the bulbs
on the strip. Audrey.Copy !req
815. Larry's taking me to see the world's
largest thermometer.Copy !req
816. I got a teeny thing
happening downtown.Copy !req
817. I mean, you know...Copy !req
818. Ellen? I know what we can do.Copy !req
819. We can get remarried. Right now.Copy !req
820. There's a Honeymoon Slots tournament
at the Golden Nugget.Copy !req
821. And guess what.
Newlyweds get in for free.Copy !req
822. I've got news for you, Clark:Copy !req
823. I haven't said yes yet.Copy !req
824. - Well, if you're all too busy—
- You hang on a minute, mister.Copy !req
825. You brought us for a family vacation...Copy !req
826. and the only time we've spent
together is on your way to the casino.Copy !req
827. - I've invited you.
- You find the Clark Griswold I married...Copy !req
828. and tell him I'm at the Mirage.Copy !req
829. Come on, kids.Copy !req
830. Don't worry about me. I got plenty
I can do on my own in Las Vegas.Copy !req
831. Which hand is it in?Copy !req
832. Who wants it now?
Who wants it?Copy !req
833. There you go, you little heathens.Copy !req
834. Eddie, thanks for buying me dinner.Copy !req
835. Best buck-49 buffet in town, Clark.Copy !req
836. Clark, this is all-you-can-eat.Copy !req
837. We only need one plate.Copy !req
838. Oh, yeah. Okay.Copy !req
839. These rolls.Copy !req
840. Oh, I had that last time I was here.Copy !req
841. Fresh broccoli.Copy !req
842. God bless you.
Thank you.Copy !req
843. Maybe I'll just replace
these and take a carrot.Copy !req
844. And that's the macaroni.Copy !req
845. - That's good.
- No, let's get a little more.Copy !req
846. Some of this spaghetti Bolognese here.Copy !req
847. You're lucky you came on ltalian night.
That stuff will knock your socks off.Copy !req
848. This doesn't look like chicken.Copy !req
849. Oh, you're right.Copy !req
850. This isn't chicken. This is chicken.Copy !req
851. Want some?Copy !req
852. - I think I'll just be over by the Saltines.
- Oh, okay.Copy !req
853. - Here, go ahead.
- Go ahead and get us a table.Copy !req
854. I'll have some of the...
Some of the yellow.Copy !req
855. And don't get cheap on me.Copy !req
856. Mmm.Copy !req
857. This bread pudding is
extra-runny tonight.Copy !req
858. Eddie, when you look at me,
what do you see?Copy !req
859. Time's up, Eddie.Copy !req
860. I'll tell you what you see:Copy !req
861. You see a man
whose family counted on him...Copy !req
862. to give them the best vacation ever.
And I can't do it. I can't do it, because—Copy !req
863. Eddie, you have something on your—Copy !req
864. - I get it?
- Yeah.Copy !req
865. Eddie, I've gambled away more money
than you'll ever understand.Copy !req
866. Try me.Copy !req
867. Twenty-two thousand,
six hundred dollars.Copy !req
868. Oh, God! Oh, God!Copy !req
869. - Oh, my God!
- Eddie.Copy !req
870. Oh, God!Copy !req
871. - Eddie! Please!
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
872. - Clark.
- I don't know what I'll tell Ellen. I mean—Copy !req
873. If I could just get that money back,
I could turn it all around.Copy !req
874. Clark, you've been so good
to Catherine and me through the years.Copy !req
875. I hate to see you down like this.Copy !req
876. I've got some...Copy !req
877. Money stashed away.Copy !req
878. And it'd be my honor to help you
in your time of need.Copy !req
879. You mean it?Copy !req
880. There's just one little problem.Copy !req
881. I forgot where I buried it.Copy !req
882. Is it safe to be digging like this?Copy !req
883. Oh, yeah.
Watch out for the scorpions.Copy !req
884. Yeah, I got money buried
all over this yard, Clark.Copy !req
885. I used to have quite
a little system for finding it.Copy !req
886. But— Oh, wait, here's something.Copy !req
887. Twenty-eight dollars.Copy !req
888. Got one. Got one. Got one.Copy !req
889. - Six bucks.
- Oh, yeah. Yuban coffee.Copy !req
890. You know you can sprinkle that stuff on
anYThing. Lce cream, mashed potatoes...Copy !req
891. or just eat it right out of the can
for a quick pick-me-up.Copy !req
892. Oh, my God.Copy !req
893. There must be over $100 in here.Copy !req
894. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's from
when I sold one of my kidneys.Copy !req
895. We didn't really need
the cash at the time...Copy !req
896. but I figured with all
the advances in medicine...Copy !req
897. I might as well sell it while
somebody still wanted to buy it.Copy !req
898. Smartest thing I ever did, Clark.Copy !req
899. Eddie, why do you have all this
money buried in the ground?Copy !req
900. For a rainy day, Clark.Copy !req
901. And we don't get too many
of those in the desert.Copy !req
902. Where's the nearest casino?Copy !req
903. Hello, room service?Copy !req
904. I'd like the crab Rangoon,
chicken fingers...Copy !req
905. the Jackpot Burger...Copy !req
906. and the Tropical Banana Torte.Copy !req
907. No, cancel that.Copy !req
908. I'm going out.Copy !req
909. I gotta warn you, Clark.
They don't play the same games here...Copy !req
910. that they do at them regular casinos.Copy !req
911. Eddie, this place is great.Copy !req
912. They don't have these games
at the Mirage.Copy !req
913. Pick a number? I'm great at that.Copy !req
914. Coin toss. Eddie, these are my games.Copy !req
915. Give me 20 bucks. War!Copy !req
916. You know,
Russ and I play this all the time.Copy !req
917. - I'm in.
- Here we go.Copy !req
918. Nine.Copy !req
919. That's fast.Copy !req
920. Give me another 20, Eddie.Copy !req
921. War. Bet again.Copy !req
922. - Nine again.
- You know, Clark...Copy !req
923. maybe you ought to
spread it around...Copy !req
924. not have all your fun
at just one table.Copy !req
925. Dealer has rock. Pay paper.Copy !req
926. - Call it.
- Clark, what say we go back home...Copy !req
927. - ... and bury what's left of my money?
- Heads.Copy !req
928. I'm sorry, sir, it's tails.Copy !req
929. Almost.Copy !req
930. Give me that! Give me that!Copy !req
931. - Clark.
- He cheated, Eddie.Copy !req
932. - Clark.
- He switched them. I saw him.Copy !req
933. - Four.
- Seven.Copy !req
934. Eddie, what am I doing?Copy !req
935. I need to go someplace
where a man can think.Copy !req
936. Oh, I wouldn't do that here, Clark.Copy !req
937. The stalls are aWFully dirty
and they're backed up all the time.Copy !req
938. No. Eddie, I need to be alone.Copy !req
939. Oh, I see.Copy !req
940. You want me to go with you?Copy !req
941. All right. Come on.Copy !req
942. Come on, Clark. The night is young.Copy !req
943. They're giving away free
hot sandwiches at the blood bank.Copy !req
944. Hot sandwiches.
I'm not worthy of a hot sandwich.Copy !req
945. I'm not a father.
I'm not a husband. I'm nothing.Copy !req
946. Oh, you may feel like nothing now,
but look on the bright side.Copy !req
947. You used to be something, and nobody
can ever take that away from you.Copy !req
948. Goodbye, Ellen.Copy !req
949. I'm sure you'll be happy
with Wayne Newton.Copy !req
950. Where am I gonna go?Copy !req
951. Well, you can live with us
right here in Vegas.Copy !req
952. We'll dig you a guest room.Copy !req
953. Rusty and my poor little Audrey.Copy !req
954. And in the evening
you can sit outside...Copy !req
955. and you can tell us all how much
more good you used to have it.Copy !req
956. Look at all these happy families.Copy !req
957. Where did I go wrong?
What did I do?Copy !req
958. Without my family,
there is no Clark Griswold.Copy !req
959. We could go into business
for ourselves.Copy !req
960. We can raise snakes,
maybe open up our own petting zoo.Copy !req
961. Yeah, that's what we could do.Copy !req
962. And we could have a lot of happy,
wonderful times, Clark.Copy !req
963. We'll get your money back.Copy !req
964. Eddie, I'm not worried
about my money.Copy !req
965. I don't care if I ever
get my money back.Copy !req
966. I gotta get my family back.Copy !req
967. - Well, what about my money?
- You stay here. I'll be right back.Copy !req
968. Police emergency.Copy !req
969. Hey! What are you doing there?Copy !req
970. - Uh-oh.
Hey! Hey! Open up!Copy !req
971. - Open this door!
- Don't be alarmed. He's with me.Copy !req
972. Hey! Hey! Hey!Copy !req
973. Say cheese.Copy !req
974. Oh, Wayne.Copy !req
975. It's Dean Martin's recipe.Copy !req
976. I always make too much.Copy !req
977. Thank you so much
for having me for dinner.Copy !req
978. Ellen, l...Copy !req
979. There's something I have to tell you.Copy !req
980. Oh, no.Copy !req
981. Wayne, please don't.Copy !req
982. Ellen, I've always been a moral man.Copy !req
983. But my resolve is melting in the
blinding light of your precious smile.Copy !req
984. Maybe you're hungry.
Would you like some pasta?Copy !req
985. On your right is Treasure lsland.
On the left is Harrah's.Copy !req
986. Next stop, Wayne Newton's house.Copy !req
987. Wayne, please.Copy !req
988. Please.Copy !req
989. Wayne!Copy !req
990. Ellen, don't worry. I'm here, honey.Copy !req
991. Get out of my way.
Hands off my wife!Copy !req
992. Clark, it's not the way it looks.
We were just having pasta.Copy !req
993. Ellen, I've been a fool.Copy !req
994. And not a loveable fool who clowns for
the delight of children and small people.Copy !req
995. But a fool who's only fooling himself.Copy !req
996. Clark, you're back.Copy !req
997. You have got to be kidding me.Copy !req
998. Oh, why don't you go sing something?Copy !req
999. Ellen, I've learned that
a family vacation only works...Copy !req
1000. when you're with your family.
And you and Russ and—Copy !req
1001. - Audrey.
- Audrey.Copy !req
1002. You are my family.Copy !req
1003. And the most important thing is for us
to get back together before it's too late.Copy !req
1004. - What do you say, Ellen?
- I'm with you, baby.Copy !req
1005. Then let's go get our kids.Copy !req
1006. - Is there a charge for parking?
- No.Copy !req
1007. Park it.Copy !req
1008. Hey, have you seen this person?Copy !req
1009. Mr. Pappagiorgio. Yeah, Lanai 6.Copy !req
1010. My son.Copy !req
1011. Mr. Pappagiorgio?Copy !req
1012. Let's go.Copy !req
1013. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.Copy !req
1014. - Rusty!
- Russ!Copy !req
1015. - Oh, Clark, do something.
- Okay. Look out.Copy !req
1016. Russ! Rusty!Copy !req
1017. Oh, my little baby boy!Copy !req
1018. Rusty?
- Excuse me. Excuse me.Copy !req
1019. Russ.Copy !req
1020. Am I right? I mean, am I right?Copy !req
1021. - Oh, Nick.
- So I says to him...Copy !req
1022. I said, "Get your own monkey."Copy !req
1023. Oh, my Lord. Rusty!Copy !req
1024. Oh, you must be lost.
This is Mr. Pappagiorgio.Copy !req
1025. His name is not Pappagiorgio.
His name is Rusty Griswold...Copy !req
1026. and he's a C-plus student. Now,
out of the pool! Let's go, young man!Copy !req
1027. - Dad!
- Now!Copy !req
1028. I'm looking for an underage kid
named Pappagiorgio. Seen him?Copy !req
1029. Yes, he stole my wallet.
He's back there.Copy !req
1030. - Where's your sister?
- Audrey?Copy !req
1031. She's with Vickie somewhere.Copy !req
1032. - Where's Vickie?
- Where's Vickie?Copy !req
1033. - Mr. Pappagiorgio, your usual table?
- Not tonight.Copy !req
1034. You are in deep trouble, my friend.Copy !req
1035. Excuse me.Copy !req
1036. Hey, everybody!Copy !req
1037. Vickie, where's Audrey?Copy !req
1038. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1039. - Our baby.
- Hang on, honey!Copy !req
1040. Daddy's coming to get you!Copy !req
1041. Excuse me.
Get out of my way, please.Copy !req
1042. - What do you think you're doing?
- You told me to get a summer job!Copy !req
1043. What? Ten years of tap-dancing
lessons and this is how you repay me?Copy !req
1044. Let's go, young lady.Copy !req
1045. Excuse me! Excuse me!Copy !req
1046. Come on, let's get out of here.Copy !req
1047. Oh, Daddy. I don't know what
I was thinking. Let's go home right now.Copy !req
1048. - Yeah, when are we going?
- Let's just quit while we're ahead.Copy !req
1049. Ahead or behind, what does it matter?Copy !req
1050. - We still have each other.
- Sparky.Copy !req
1051. And when we get home, even though
I've lost most of our money—Copy !req
1052. Wait a minute.
"I've lost most of our money"?Copy !req
1053. How much did you lose?Copy !req
1054. Well, with the checks
and the credit cards...Copy !req
1055. a couple of trips to the ATM
and the plane tickets I cashed in...Copy !req
1056. I don't know, 22, 23,000 dollars.
Somewhere in there.Copy !req
1057. - What?
- Dad, what about my tuition?Copy !req
1058. - You were gonna buy me a snowboard.
- We still have our love.Copy !req
1059. That's what I've come to realize.Copy !req
1060. Clark, how much money
do you have right now?Copy !req
1061. I'm broke.Copy !req
1062. - Rusty?
- I spent it all.Copy !req
1063. Having an entourage is expensive.Copy !req
1064. - Audrey?
- No pockets.Copy !req
1065. I've got two dollars.Copy !req
1066. Clark, get our money back.Copy !req
1067. There.Copy !req
1068. I'm telling you,
this is not the way to do this.Copy !req
1069. - Can't your parents wire us money?
- There.Copy !req
1070. Oh, Keno. Oh, this is easy.
I saw this on TV.Copy !req
1071. Okay, you gotta pick 10 numbers.Copy !req
1072. We've gotta play the kids' birthdays,
16 and 7.Copy !req
1073. Oh, and Dad's old football number, 44.Copy !req
1074. - Excuse me, is that your family?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1075. - You're a lucky man.
- Luckiest guy on earth.Copy !req
1076. Don't forget Grandma
and Granddad's anniversary.Copy !req
1077. I never got married. I was scared.Copy !req
1078. Afraid to take the risk. Beautiful children.Copy !req
1079. Oh, thank you. We're very blessed.Copy !req
1080. This whole thing
is money, money, money.Copy !req
1081. Let me tell you something.
Money isn't everything.Copy !req
1082. I sit here alone, you know.
Nobody cares.Copy !req
1083. If I win at something,
I have nobody to share it with.Copy !req
1084. Well, you have your health.Copy !req
1085. - It seems you have a hobby.
- Yeah, a hobby I got. That's it.Copy !req
1086. My health—Copy !req
1087. If I did have a family,
I'd like it to be like yours.Copy !req
1088. Tonight, consider yourself
part of our family.Copy !req
1089. Yeah. I'm gonna take you up on that.Copy !req
1090. - Really. Thank you.
- Okay.Copy !req
1091. Nice of you.
Good luck.Copy !req
1092. - Hey, Dad, game's almost starting.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1093. Seven.
- It's seven.Copy !req
1094. It's Audrey's birthday.Copy !req
1095. We're gonna do it.Copy !req
1096. Ten.Copy !req
1097. Fourteen.
- Doesn't matter.Copy !req
1098. Even eight matches wins $15,500.Copy !req
1099. Twenty-two.Copy !req
1100. Thirty-three.Copy !req
1101. Eighty.Copy !req
1102. Your final number, 54.Copy !req
1103. I won. I won. I won.Copy !req
1104. I won!Copy !req
1105. I won! I won!Copy !req
1106. All the years I've waited for this.
Years!Copy !req
1107. I've been coming here for—
I've never won once, and now I won.Copy !req
1108. The money is mine. I have the money.
The money is mine. I got it!Copy !req
1109. For the first time, I got the—Copy !req
1110. Hey, sir, are you all right?Copy !req
1111. Rusty.Copy !req
1112. Get— Go get someone.Copy !req
1113. Sir.Copy !req
1114. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1115. I won. I won the money.Copy !req
1116. I won. I won the money.
Did you hear me? I said I won.Copy !req
1117. - It's okay.
- It's here. Right here.Copy !req
1118. - That's wonderful.
- I won the money.Copy !req
1119. I won the money.Copy !req
1120. That's wonderful.Copy !req
1121. What did he say?Copy !req
1122. I think he said, "Take the ticket."Copy !req
1123. He said, "Take the ticket"?Copy !req
1124. I think he did.Copy !req
1125. He's gone.
There was nothing you could do.Copy !req
1126. - We'll never even know his name.
- He was Mr. Ellis.Copy !req
1127. - The loneliest guy I ever saw.
- He would've given anYThing...Copy !req
1128. just to have someone sit with him
and say a few nice words.Copy !req
1129. Jeez.Copy !req
1130. I hope you kids have learned
something about the dangers of gambling.Copy !req
1131. No, no, Sparklet.
Don't blame gambling.Copy !req
1132. Gambling is what made America great.Copy !req
1133. You see, kids, when Columbus
set sail on a little rickety boat...Copy !req
1134. and let it ride to the New World
on a single tank of gas...Copy !req
1135. that was a gamble.
Ben Franklin, Thomas Edison...Copy !req
1136. Albert Einstein, all gamblers.Copy !req
1137. - Wasn't Einstein German?
- Hard to tell from his accent, Russ.Copy !req
1138. But I do know one thing.Copy !req
1139. When a beautiful young
blond co-ed...Copy !req
1140. took a chance on a gangly boy
of a man named Clark...Copy !req
1141. she was taking a gamble too.Copy !req
1142. Ellen Priscilla Ruth Smith Griswold...Copy !req
1143. will you remarry me?Copy !req
1144. Ellen Griswold, do you promise
to love and honor Clark...Copy !req
1145. for as long as you both shall live?Copy !req
1146. Oh, God!Copy !req
1147. - I do.
- Clark Griswold, do you—?Copy !req
1148. I love you, Eddie.Copy !req
1149. Promise to love and honor Ellen...Copy !req
1150. - ... for as long as you both shall live?
- I do.Copy !req
1151. I don't care if you ruined my life.
I love you!Copy !req
1152. Then by the power vested in me
by the state of Nevada...Copy !req
1153. and the Las Vegas
Entertainers' Association...Copy !req
1154. I now pronounce you man and wife.Copy !req
1155. You may kiss the bride.Copy !req
1156. Eddie...Copy !req
1157. this is for you.Copy !req
1158. Clark, where did all this come from?Copy !req
1159. Well, we were very, very
fortunate last night, Eddie...Copy !req
1160. and I think the Griswolds—
We learned something on this vacation.Copy !req
1161. And that is that it's not what you have
but who you have to share it with.Copy !req
1162. - Dad.
- In a minute, Russ.Copy !req
1163. You see, the promise of material
possessions can often blind one to the—Copy !req
1164. What is it, Russ?Copy !req
1165. Those four cars over there...Copy !req
1166. they're mine.Copy !req
1167. What do you mean, they're—?
They're yours?Copy !req
1168. Yeah.Copy !req
1169. - Where'd you get them?
- I pulled four slot machines...Copy !req
1170. and I won four cars, you know.
I put a dollar in, I got a car.Copy !req
1171. Okay. I think I get it.Copy !req
1172. - Give me the keys, please.
Five thousand dollars?Copy !req
1173. Excuse me a minute.
- Five thousand dollars.Copy !req
1174. Okay, Ellen, you drive the red one.Copy !req
1175. You take the white one.Copy !req
1176. You take the Mustang, and I'll take
that big black thing over there.Copy !req
1177. After you, Mr. Pappagiorgio.Copy !req
1178. - Goodbye, Eddie.
- Goodbye, Clark.Copy !req
1179. - Bye, everybody.
Bye, Ellen.Copy !req
1180. Bye, Eddie.
Bye.Copy !req
1181. Bye, guys!
Bye!Copy !req
1182. Drive carefully!Copy !req
1183. Have a good trip!Copy !req