1. Hey, Mornin', Roy!Copy !req
2. Same to you, asshole.Copy !req
3. Rudy Russo, mi amigo!
I bring you your cars.Copy !req
4. - They are beautiful, no?
- No! Are you using water-based paint?Copy !req
5. Sure, we don't get
much rain around here.Copy !req
6. What do you want
for 200? Metalflake?Copy !req
7. Listen, you don't like these cars...
here's my inventory.Copy !req
8. - That's a picture of 250 cars.
- 253 cars.Copy !req
9. The river has been very
good to me this year...Copy !req
10. I can't make a deal off
a picture like this.Copy !req
11. How about some girls?
I got all kinds!Copy !req
12. Short, tall, fat, uglies,
bonitas, señoritas, big tits...Copy !req
13. Later, I think I got a customer.
I'll think of something.Copy !req
14. Student driver shit!Copy !req
15. - Hey, Rudy!
- Quiet!Copy !req
16. - Jesus, you're not gonna...
- I'm gonna bait this guy.Copy !req
17. - Luke's not gonna like that.
- Luke's asleep.Copy !req
18. - Who's the grape?
- Right there, see him?Copy !req
19. He pulled up in that red Chevelle.
I'm gonna sell him my Buick.Copy !req
20. - Forget it. He pulled up in a red car.
- Come on, Jeff, you got your foot.Copy !req
21. A rabbit's foot is no
protection against a red car.Copy !req
22. A red car is bad luck and trouble.Copy !req
23. I gotta get some customers on this lot.
I gotta have some fast cash.Copy !req
24. Yeah? For what?Copy !req
25. For this.Copy !req
26. Christ, first a red car,
now this...Copy !req
27. this man, Roy I. Fuchs, doesn't lie.
This man gives you a special guarantee.Copy !req
28. I mean, beautiful! It's up
to you, it's your decision.Copy !req
29. One who hesitates is lost.Copy !req
30. Where are you going, pal?
Come on back here!Copy !req
31. Hi there! How you doing?Copy !req
32. This your ten dollars? I saw it
floatin' underneath the car.Copy !req
33. - Here you are. What's your name?
- Stanley Dewoski.Copy !req
34. What a coincidence! Rudy Polanski.Copy !req
35. - I like that watch... great shoes!
- Thanks.Copy !req
36. So, you want to buy this Buick, huh?
You got good taste.Copy !req
37. Nice to see somebody on this lot who
knows a good car when he sees one.Copy !req
38. - So, we write it up?
- Actually, I was just looking.Copy !req
39. Hey, terrific! Here you can look, browse,
taste, smell, do anything you want.Copy !req
40. Nobody's gonna pressure
anybody around here.Copy !req
41. I really think you ought
to buy this Buick.Copy !req
42. You ought to buy it right now.
This Buick is you.Copy !req
43. This is your car! Stanley Dewoski
is Buick centurion convertible.Copy !req
44. You're thinking, "can I afford
to buy a car like this?"Copy !req
45. You can't afford not to
buy a car like this.Copy !req
46. When you add this whole thing up,
you'll come out 10,000 dollars ahead.Copy !req
47. The prestige of owning a Buick centurion
can't be measured in dollars and cents.Copy !req
48. What the hell are you
trying to tell me, Sam?Copy !req
49. I've been trying to make sure that new
freeway ramp ran through my brother's lot.Copy !req
50. According to this, the Goddamn ramp is
coming right through the middle of my lot.Copy !req
51. What's with that pinhead mayor?Copy !req
52. He had no choice. It was the only way to
prove there was no conflict of interest.Copy !req
53. That mayor don't know dick!Copy !req
54. You're the assistant deputy district
attorney! Can't you fix it for me?Copy !req
55. - I'm sorry, Roy, it's too late.
- Just like that, huh?Copy !req
56. This country's going to the dogs!Copy !req
57. It used to be when you bought a politician,
that son of a bitch stayed bought.Copy !req
58. You're gonna love it, Stan!
Trust me!Copy !req
59. Shit! There goes a perfectly good
bumper sticker... hey, Luke.Copy !req
60. That's a nice pair of shoes.Copy !req
61. You baited him, didn't you?
Skated him from across the street.Copy !req
62. I had to. I can't sell a car
unless I get them on the lot.Copy !req
63. Now, Rudy, listen to me, will ya?Copy !req
64. For the last time,
will you listen to me, son?Copy !req
65. Suppose that he's an undercover agent
for the consumer protection agency.Copy !req
66. We're still on probation for consumer
fraud. We gotta watch our step.Copy !req
67. My ravenous brother over there is just
waiting to get his grimy hands on this lot.Copy !req
68. I'm desperate, I gotta move some cars.
I gotta make ten grand in six weeks.Copy !req
69. Ten grand? Are you in
some kind of trouble?Copy !req
70. No, no... take a look at this.Copy !req
71. There's an opening
for state senate.Copy !req
72. The machine's looking for a fresh face,
somebody with no axes to grind...Copy !req
73. who wants to tell the people what they
want to hear. They're looking for me!Copy !req
74. I talked to the party chairman last week.
Sixty grand buys me the nomination.Copy !req
75. Sixty grand, huh?
That's all it takes nowadays?Copy !req
76. No, that's like a down payment.Copy !req
77. Once I'm in, I go fifty-fifty on all
the graft I take in. Politics, Luke!Copy !req
78. It's my chance to do something with
my life. Go places, meet people...Copy !req
79. maybe even meet some broad...Copy !req
80. still looking, huh, Rudy?Copy !req
81. I don't want to be stuck on this
dusty lot for the rest of my life.Copy !req
82. I wanna make something out of myself,
have people look up at me for a change.Copy !req
83. This is my once in a lifetime deal.Copy !req
84. I took out a second
mortgage on my mobile home.Copy !req
85. I cashed in my insurance policies,
sold my car and I'm still ten grand short.Copy !req
86. Toby, get me a
phillip's screwdriver.Copy !req
87. Listen, I got some promotional ideas
that'll flood this place with prospects.Copy !req
88. I found two electronics whizz-kids.Copy !req
89. They know how to jam a football
game and sneak in some commercials.Copy !req
90. Now, we get these
strippers, big tits...Copy !req
91. you know, I think we'll put
this baby on the line...Copy !req
92. I can't fool with this forever.
Sixteen months is long enough.Copy !req
93. No, Toby, I said a
phillip's screwdriver.Copy !req
94. Luke, can I ask you something?
Why are we giving these cars away?Copy !req
95. We're not giving them away. School
district's paying me 1200 apiece.Copy !req
96. I can get 3950 apiece
for these cars.Copy !req
97. Those are the 1200 apiece cars.Copy !req
98. What? These?Copy !req
99. You are the craziest, most
irresponsible operator I ever met.Copy !req
100. And when you stand there and tell me
that you want to be a politician...Copy !req
101. I know you're right. All right,
I'll lend you the ten grand.Copy !req
102. No shit, Luke?Copy !req
103. I wouldn't kid you about
something like that.Copy !req
104. We'll go down to the
bank in the morning.Copy !req
105. Only I don't want to jam any football
games and I don't want any strippers.Copy !req
106. Goddam, all right, Luke! I love ya!Copy !req
107. I'm on my way!Copy !req
108. Ask not what your country's done for you,
ask what you've just done for your country!Copy !req
109. Are you okay?
Hey, are you all right, Luke?Copy !req
110. I'm just not used to all
that kind of excitement.Copy !req
111. Here... Jesus, I'm sorry, Luke.
Here, take a pill.Copy !req
112. I'll be all right. You
just promise me one thing.Copy !req
113. When you buy that election,
become a big-shot politician...Copy !req
114. promise me you'll keep my brother
from getting his hands on this lot.Copy !req
115. They know, don't they, Sam?Copy !req
116. They know they're about to have the
best freeway access in the state.Copy !req
117. Nobody knows, Roy. It won't be
announced for a few weeks yet.Copy !req
118. I suggest you torch this museum and buy out
your brother with the insurance money.Copy !req
119. If I could buy him out, do you think
I would try to have him put away?Copy !req
120. The only way I'm going to
get that lot is to inherit it.Copy !req
121. - I thought he had a daughter.
- She ain't been heard of in years.Copy !req
122. The son of a bitch has got
a bad heart, you know.Copy !req
123. Don't be stupid, Roy.Copy !req
124. - Just dreaming, Sam, just dreaming.
- Right...Copy !req
125. carmine!Copy !req
126. Send in that new kid from
the demolition derby.Copy !req
127. - Mickey?
- Yeah, mickey.Copy !req
128. Now, let's examine that pinto, shall we?
Look at that undercoating...Copy !req
129. - classic chassis, pal.
- Thanks.Copy !req
130. Shall we examine the capacious
interior of this luxury automobile?Copy !req
131. I got this guy right where
I want him. Stay out of this...Copy !req
132. Charlie, good to see you. I got the
papers drawn up on that Chrysler...Copy !req
133. - it's a Chevy Nova.
- Hey, I'll be right with you.Copy !req
134. Clown.Copy !req
135. Excuse me, old man, you a salesman?Copy !req
136. Now that's a miracle.Copy !req
137. God in heaven, that's a miracle.Copy !req
138. Excuse me, you a salesman here?Copy !req
139. You know, I'm not one for religion, but
Jesus, Mary and Joseph that is a miracle!Copy !req
140. That was my daughter calling me.
Do you believe it? My own daughter.Copy !req
141. I just want to buy a car.Copy !req
142. She took off about ten years ago,
joined one of those communes.Copy !req
143. I ain't seen or heard from her.
Didn't know if she was living or dead.Copy !req
144. And all of a sudden she calls,
after ten years. Now that's a miracle.Copy !req
145. I know how you feel, old man.Copy !req
146. I had a dog once, ran away.
Only she got hit by a truck.Copy !req
147. What's the story on this '57 Chev here?
2400? Come on, you gotta be jacking me.Copy !req
148. Now, son, you're looking at one of
the finest automobiles on this lot.Copy !req
149. I rebuilt that engine
with my own two hands.Copy !req
150. Does it run?Copy !req
151. Does it run? Like a dream.Copy !req
152. Well, old man, for 2400 it'd
better run like a wet dream.Copy !req
153. Yeah... that's a miracle.Copy !req
154. Well, at least it starts, old man.Copy !req
155. After ten years...Copy !req
156. - you won't need that.
- I like to feel safe.Copy !req
157. Easy now, easy.Copy !req
158. Sounds good, old man!Copy !req
159. What the hell was that?Copy !req
160. You got a real oil pressure problem here,
it's running real hot... real hot.Copy !req
161. Pills? What do you need
those pills for, old man?Copy !req
162. Isn't this fun, old man?Copy !req
163. You ever played chicken?
I love chicken... I love it.Copy !req
164. You're a good sport,
old man. I like you.Copy !req
165. What do you say we find out what
this baby is constructed of?Copy !req
166. Come on, get over there, old man.Copy !req
167. Oh shit!Copy !req
168. What's the matter, old man?
You homesick?Copy !req
169. I'll have you home in a minute.Copy !req
170. What the hell was that?Copy !req
171. 2400, old man? Well, I'm gonna have
to think about it. I got your card.Copy !req
172. - I broke my back getting you this deal.
- Fifty bucks never killed anybody.Copy !req
173. You're not going to find another
deal like this in town.Copy !req
174. - Fifty bucks never killed anybody.
- A deal's a deal.Copy !req
175. - Fifty bucks never...
- Okay, you got it, you win.Copy !req
176. I'll see what I can do. But I'm telling
ya, my boss sees these figures...Copy !req
177. when he sees these, he's
going to have a stroke.Copy !req
178. What's he trying to pull?
Fifty bucks never killed anybody.Copy !req
179. Okay, it's a deal, it's a deal!
I'll sign! I'll sign!Copy !req
180. I'm sorry! I shook on it!
It's a deal!Copy !req
181. I never welsh on a deal and
I really do want the car...Copy !req
182. Luke, where are your pills?Copy !req
183. Jesus Christ, you guys mean business!
I signed it! Show it to him!Copy !req
184. Here's the down payment.
Here, show it to him.Copy !req
185. Here's the money! Here, take it!Copy !req
186. Look... you guys are busy.
We'll pick the car up tomorrow.Copy !req
187. Oh my god! Honey,
let's get out of here!Copy !req
188. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
189. Luke's dead. Calm down,
we're being watched.Copy !req
190. - By who?
- Who do you think?Copy !req
191. Sam? Roy... Roy!
Yeah, I know it's late.Copy !req
192. First thing tomorrow, I want you to come
over here and visit my brother with me.Copy !req
193. Well, I'm a little concerned
about his health.Copy !req
194. And bring those probate
papers with you.Copy !req
195. Probate papers!Copy !req
196. He's gone.Copy !req
197. Jim, help me prop him up, I don't
want Toby to see him like this.Copy !req
198. Jesus, Mary and... I don't know, man.
I think we're out of our minds here.Copy !req
199. I think we've got to call the cops.
I mean, it's murder, for Christ's sake!Copy !req
200. You know that and I know. But the cops
are going to say it was a heart attack.Copy !req
201. He's got no family, no will, no nothing.
That means his brother inherits this lot.Copy !req
202. I promised him I wasn't going to let that
son of a bitch get his hands on this lot.Copy !req
203. - Easy!
- Hey, don't worry about it!Copy !req
204. Look, I helped put it up, I ought
to know how to take it down!Copy !req
205. Okay, let it down easy.Copy !req
206. Hey, man, this shit gives me the creeps.
He should be buried properly.Copy !req
207. Nobody's gonna believe he drove his
Edsel to Miami. Nobody goes to Miami!Copy !req
208. Old people go to Miami! Where
do you want him to go? Aspen?Copy !req
209. - This crate won't go around the block!
- This motherfucker runs!Copy !req
210. Please show a little
respect for the dead!Copy !req
211. - You want to say something?
- Me? No.Copy !req
212. - Jim?
- About what?Copy !req
213. All right...Copy !req
214. Luke Fuchs, you're about to drive
over the curb for the last time.Copy !req
215. He was a good man, an
honest man, a trusted man.Copy !req
216. We can't carve your name
on a granite tombstone...Copy !req
217. but we can keep it flying
high above this lot.Copy !req
218. We can't put flowers
on your grave...Copy !req
219. but we can hang the finest vinyl pennants
and pinwheels that money can buy.Copy !req
220. You'll be surrounded by an inventory
of the finest quality discount cars.Copy !req
221. Ford, Chrysler, general motors
will be your headstone.Copy !req
222. High volume, high visibility
will be your epitaph.Copy !req
223. Rest in peace, Luke.Copy !req
224. Keep shovelling.Copy !req
225. Aren't you a little big to be
playing in the fucking mud?Copy !req
226. - We're landscaping.
- We had some flooding last night.Copy !req
227. So, what can I do you for?Copy !req
228. - I'd like to talk to my brother.
- You're gonna have to talk kind of loud.Copy !req
229. - He went to Miami late last night.
- That's right, Miami.Copy !req
230. - Miami?
- Yeah, Miami beach.Copy !req
231. - Florida.
- I know where the fuck Miami beach is.Copy !req
232. Some asshole fucked
up one of his cars...Copy !req
233. so he decided he needed a little
R and R. He's got a bad heart.Copy !req
234. - I know all about his Goddamn heart.
- I'm sure you do.Copy !req
235. - What airline did he fly?
- Edsel.Copy !req
236. I couldn't believe it either,
but that thing runs like new.Copy !req
237. That's bullshit, Russo!Copy !req
238. He had a stroke.
I saw him hit the floor.Copy !req
239. What? Last night? He slipped on some
90-weight. He's okay, believe me.Copy !req
240. He's lying, Sam. The son
of a bitch is lying!Copy !req
241. He thinks I'm lying, Jim.Copy !req
242. Luke told me to have you arrested for
trespassing. Do I have to call the cops?Copy !req
243. - Do we have to call the cops?
- Are you a fucking parrot?Copy !req
244. - Come on, Roy, let's go.
- Suck-ass son of a bitch.Copy !req
245. Get the hell out of here!Copy !req
246. - See, we got nothing to worry about.
- Are you out of your fucking mind?Copy !req
247. We've got a dead guy buried here and
we're going on TV illegally tonight.Copy !req
248. We need customers.Copy !req
249. Sneaking a commercial into
a football game is illegal!Copy !req
250. Freddie and Eddie know
what they're doing.Copy !req
251. What if the FCC wants to bust
us for false advertising?Copy !req
252. We just work here. They'll
have to talk to the boss.Copy !req
253. Coast is clear, Freddie.Copy !req
254. All right... and out.Copy !req
255. Freddie, come here.Copy !req
256. Are we gonna be able to film
under these blue lights?Copy !req
257. We're not going to film
under the blue lights.Copy !req
258. That's why I've got the sun guns
mounted on the van. Trust me, will ya?Copy !req
259. - Rehearsal!
- We just sell this purple olds.Copy !req
260. Margaret, this is where you
show us how you're gonna sit.Copy !req
261. A little thigh to keep
their attention...Copy !req
262. and then I'll say, "okay, Margaret,
why don't you tell us about this one?"Copy !req
263. This '76 delta 88 is really equipped
with white walls, radio and heater.Copy !req
264. For only $695.Copy !req
265. Maroon car, my ass.
This motherfucker is red...Copy !req
266. then I'm going to say, "and be sure
to check out those high beams."Copy !req
267. I make a little tit joke.
I'm sorry this is so sexist...Copy !req
268. - nice maroon car, ain't it?
- Yeah, purple...Copy !req
269. - did you remember the sunglasses?
- I got something better. It's perfect...Copy !req
270. idiot! You trying to murder me?
Trying to assault my person?Copy !req
271. This is perfect. They're disguises.Copy !req
272. - What the hell is this?
- You're lucky, I only have three left.Copy !req
273. Here we go. Do me a favour
and just put 'em on.Copy !req
274. Rudy, come on! I'm not doing
a commercial wearing these.Copy !req
275. - Sweetheart, you'll look great.
- We'll look like assholes!Copy !req
276. - Stand by!
- Jeff, put 'em on. I'm serious.Copy !req
277. - No!
- Stand by!Copy !req
278. - Ready when you are, Freddie.
- He's got it at the forty.Copy !req
279. - Put 'em on, Jeff!
- No, forget it!Copy !req
280. - He's past the midfield stripe!
- No way!Copy !req
281. He's on the thirty!Copy !req
282. - Put 'em on!
- It's out of the question.Copy !req
283. - He's on the twenty.
- No!Copy !req
284. - Put 'em on!
- No, no, no!Copy !req
285. - And Eddie...
- What?Copy !req
286. - Take it!
- Okay, Freddie.Copy !req
287. My god, it's a red car.Copy !req
288. That's a stupid place for a commercial.
I don't believe it! Did you see that?Copy !req
289. Let's look at one of these
beautiful models, shall we?Copy !req
290. - What the fuck is this, Rudy?
- What did he say?Copy !req
291. You know he just said "fuck"?
That's an FCC violation.Copy !req
292. A red chariot to take my
ass straight to hell!Copy !req
293. Margaret! Get out there!Copy !req
294. Holy Jesus! She's caught
on the hood ornament.Copy !req
295. Stupid bitch! I hate women!Copy !req
296. Rudy, look! It's a red car!Copy !req
297. Well, folks, these people
are obviously hysterical...Copy !req
298. over the fabulous deals we have
here at new deal used cars.Copy !req
299. We've got over ten jillion cars down here.
Every one a best deal like that.Copy !req
300. - Let's take a look under the hood.
- What?Copy !req
301. - Hey, look, bare tits!
- That's disgusting!Copy !req
302. I don't want my
children to see that!Copy !req
303. All those years at
film school paid off.Copy !req
304. Holy Jesus palomino!Copy !req
305. Seduce the camera...Copy !req
306. come on down to new
deal used cars...Copy !req
307. come on down and leave it to us.Copy !req
308. Front page advertising and it's free.
Can you believe it?Copy !req
309. - This is it, guys, it's time.
- I never sold no damn cars before.Copy !req
310. Just get 'em in that car. Nothing sells
a car better than the car itself.Copy !req
311. You gotta get their friendship, their
trust, then get their money. Ready, Jeff?Copy !req
312. Jim? Toby? You ready?Copy !req
313. Okay, guys...Copy !req
314. let's go!Copy !req
315. Morning!Copy !req
316. - Hi, there, Mr and Mrs...?
- O'hara.Copy !req
317. Rudy O'Brian, how are ya?
I've got this '74...Copy !req
318. - hi there, Mr and Mrs...?
- Lopez, señor.Copy !req
319. Rudy Garcia. '68 Chevy...
take a look at it, I'll be right back.Copy !req
320. - Hi there, Mr and Mrs...?
- Jackson.Copy !req
321. Hey, Rudy Washington carver.
You checking out this Cadillac...Copy !req
322. look at that, Mrs Ingallheart, the
interior matches the colour of your eyes.Copy !req
323. I just noticed something else.
Mrs Lopez, do you realise...Copy !req
324. that your hair matches the
colour of these tyres?Copy !req
325. - Let me get the door for you.
- That's all right, I'm just looking.Copy !req
326. - Yeah, well, I want you to look inside.
- No, I don't want to get inside.Copy !req
327. - It's comfy, roomy, a lot of leg room.
- I've just been looking around.Copy !req
328. These aren't the cars I bought.Copy !req
329. These are the cars your students
will be able to afford.Copy !req
330. They should be learning
to drive in these cars.Copy !req
331. - But the school board...
- They'll thank you.Copy !req
332. Now, I'm the kind of guy that believes
that a man with your insight...Copy !req
333. should be fairly compensated for
such high thinking, don't you agree?Copy !req
334. Do you have a car in mind for me?Copy !req
335. - I want you to look inside.
- I don't want to look inside!Copy !req
336. Just get in the motherfucking car!
Get in there!Copy !req
337. Boys! Out of the car! Now!Copy !req
338. - Well, you like animals, don't you?
- Yeah, I got three dogs of my own.Copy !req
339. Then you understand when I say that not
only do I think this is the car for you...Copy !req
340. but Toby thinks this is the
car for you, don't you, Toby?Copy !req
341. There you see, isn't that cute?Copy !req
342. So, Al, the least we can do is
take the car for a test drive.Copy !req
343. Toby wants to go for a test
drive, don't you, Toby?Copy !req
344. - Test drive with Toby, how about it, Al?
- All right.Copy !req
345. Okay, everybody in the car!
In the car, kids!Copy !req
346. Everybody in the car,
test drive with Toby...Copy !req
347. we're going for a test drive
with Toby, that's right...Copy !req
348. so, Al, listen, this
baby's got a big engine...Copy !req
349. a lot of power, big v8.Copy !req
350. I want you to feel that pickup.
So just go right ahead and punch it.Copy !req
351. Punch it?Copy !req
352. Stop!Copy !req
353. Oh my god!Copy !req
354. You killed my dog, mister.
You killed my dog!Copy !req
355. I'm sorry...Copy !req
356. all he wanted was for you to be happy
in this car... and now he's dead.Copy !req
357. How was I supposed to know...?Copy !req
358. - We raised it from a puppy...
- How could you?Copy !req
359. Look, mister, I know I can't
bring your dog back...Copy !req
360. but... how about if I buy the car?Copy !req
361. Nail 'em for false advertising.
They said they had 10 million cars.Copy !req
362. They said they had
ten jillion cars.Copy !req
363. Even if they said ten million,
I've got to prosecute the owner.Copy !req
364. He's off on a fishing
expedition in Florida.Copy !req
365. Fishing expedition, my ass! He's sitting
at the bottom of a lake someplace.Copy !req
366. You've got no proof.Copy !req
367. What do I need proof for?
I'm Roy I. Fuchs, goddammit!Copy !req
368. If you won't help me put them out
of business, I'll do it by myself.Copy !req
369. By using the greatest tool this country
ever developed: Free enterprise.Copy !req
370. The American way!Copy !req
371. This is the best goddamn gimmick I've
come up with so far, this circus idea...Copy !req
372. come on in, ride the camel, feed
the helium and drive out a car.Copy !req
373. Come on in, join the circus!Copy !req
374. Look at them over there.
Not a customer on the lot.Copy !req
375. That commercial was a fluke.
They're practically out of business.Copy !req
376. Yeah, that's what the people want:
Old-fashioned, homespun entertainment.Copy !req
377. That's what Roy I.
Fuchs stands for too.Copy !req
378. I just hope that Goddamn camel
don't shit all over the lot.Copy !req
379. Folks! Here at New Deal Used Cars
we are stripping away inflation!Copy !req
380. We're taking off those high prices!Copy !req
381. We're getting down to the bare
minimums, so come on over...Copy !req
382. and check out the front ends of these
beauties and inspect the rear ends too!Copy !req
383. Scum...Copy !req
384. all you have to do is sign
your name right here...Copy !req
385. over there we have a group
of immoral charlatans.Copy !req
386. They will stoop to the lowest...
oh shit, cut it! What?Copy !req
387. - You can't say that on TV.
- I can say any Goddamn thing I want.Copy !req
388. - This is the American way.
- It's slander, they can sue you.Copy !req
389. Only the owner could sue me and he
has to be alive. Now get out of here.Copy !req
390. Hey, Rudy, it's old Lorette here.
I was out buying some peroxide today-Copy !req
391. and there was this clerk who looks
just like you and it got me thinking...Copy !req
392. hi, Rudy, this is Nadine.Copy !req
393. If you don't have a date, I bought
this new Barry Manilow record today...Copy !req
394. it's Mary Lou Bainbridge, if you
throw out my number again...Copy !req
395. Rudy, it's Jeff. Watch the channel 12
movie tonight, we're in big trouble.Copy !req
396. A menace that should be brought to the
attention of every decent citizen.Copy !req
397. Behind me is the automobile
business at its absolute worst.Copy !req
398. A group of immoral charlatans,
masquerading as businessmen.Copy !req
399. They will stoop to the lowest, most
vulgar, vile and disgusting ploys...Copy !req
400. to deceive the honest,
hard-working citizen.Copy !req
401. They are the lowest form of scum
on the face of the earth...Copy !req
402. son of a bitch!Copy !req
403. This is Roy I. Fuchs,
pre-owned automobiles.Copy !req
404. Just a second, pal!Copy !req
405. Jam the presidential address?Copy !req
406. I hate to break this to you, but
you're out of your friggin' mind.Copy !req
407. You've gone right over the edge...Copy !req
408. national television, we'll be on all
three networks at the same time.Copy !req
409. - How's that even done?
- Freddie?Copy !req
410. - Microwaves.
- Great, little ovens...Copy !req
411. it's simple. You take the microwaves
and you bounce 'em off a Comsat.Copy !req
412. A communication satellite.Copy !req
413. We bounce the microwave
off the comsat to Eddie...Copy !req
414. on the roof of the phone
company in Washington DC.Copy !req
415. We intercept carter's transmission
and jam it with our own.Copy !req
416. - Is this a great idea?
- When is this presidential address?Copy !req
417. Tomorrow night, nine o'clock.Copy !req
418. We should break in around 9.03,
before the audience gets too bored.Copy !req
419. Jesus, guys, I don't know.Copy !req
420. My horoscope says,
"trouble brewing on the horizon."Copy !req
421. And, I mean, we're fucking with the
president of the united states!Copy !req
422. He fucks with us, doesn't he?Copy !req
423. You've seen how shitty
business is today.Copy !req
424. Thanks to Fuchs, we had nuns
protesting outside when I got here.Copy !req
425. - Jim had to turn the fire hose on them.
- I knocked them right on their ass too!Copy !req
426. I'm still five grand short.
We've got to fight fire with fire.Copy !req
427. You'll be fighting fire with
enhanced radiation weaponry.Copy !req
428. You guys are sure you can
pull this off, right?Copy !req
429. Are we sure we can pull this off?Copy !req
430. If I can build and install a
pacemaker in this man's chest...Copy !req
431. I can damn well bounce a
microwave off a satellite!Copy !req
432. Jesus, look at this thing!
Look at this...Copy !req
433. only twelve ninety-five.Copy !req
434. Don't you have some
equipment to hook up?Copy !req
435. Oh shit! Radio shack closes
in half an hour. Let's go!Copy !req
436. - How do you change the batteries?
- It's rechargeable.Copy !req
437. Guys! Back door, it's still light outside.
See you tomorrow night.Copy !req
438. - Remember: We cut in at exactly 9.03.
- Post meridian.Copy !req
439. - What?
- Never mind.Copy !req
440. Okay, Freddie, 9.03.Copy !req
441. - What are you guys doing?
- Will you get down!Copy !req
442. - What?
- Do you see that woman out there?Copy !req
443. She's trouble. She pulled
up in that red Toyota.Copy !req
444. I'm not kidding! I think she's from
the consumer protection agency.Copy !req
445. You see the way she's looking at that
blue Chevy? She knows it's a taxi.Copy !req
446. You're paranoid.Copy !req
447. I bet you the first thing she
asks is, "where's the owner?"Copy !req
448. Girls who look that great don't work
for the consumer protection agency.Copy !req
449. Just don't let the little head do
the thinking for the big head.Copy !req
450. - Trust me.
- I do.Copy !req
451. Congratulations!
This is our giveaway week.Copy !req
452. Since you're our one
hundredth customer, you win.Copy !req
453. You just won a candlelight dinner for two,
but I can see there's only one of you.Copy !req
454. So I'll throw myself in with the deal.
How does that sound?Copy !req
455. Listen, can you tell me where
I might find the owner?Copy !req
456. Well... yeah...Copy !req
457. great, because, you see,
I was just trying to...Copy !req
458. let me tell you about this car. I can
give you an unbelievably low price.Copy !req
459. I would certainly hope so.
Look at the finish.Copy !req
460. - Is something wrong with the finish?
- Yeah, I see primer.Copy !req
461. Where?Copy !req
462. I see yellow primer here,
I see it here, I see it here...Copy !req
463. she's baiting him. She's
knows it's a taxi, Rudy!Copy !req
464. She's from the consumer
protection agency.Copy !req
465. I'm not with any consumer protection
agency. I used to be, but I'm not now.Copy !req
466. - Better business bureau? Nader's raiders?
- Trust me.Copy !req
467. As in, "trust me"?
So, look, about dinner...Copy !req
468. - listen, is Luke in his office?
- No. What do you feel like eating?Copy !req
469. - Do you expect him back shortly?
- No, he's out of town...Copy !req
470. - he's out of town? On business?
- Pleasure. He's in Miami beach.Copy !req
471. - Miami?
- Miami beach.Copy !req
472. I've been to Miami beach.
It's not that bad.Copy !req
473. I was supposed to
meet my father here.Copy !req
474. We'll find him, what kind
of car does he drive?Copy !req
475. He used to have a green
and white Edsel.Copy !req
476. Who do you think this is?
That's her.Copy !req
477. No resemblance.Copy !req
478. I've been selling cars long enough to
know when somebody's telling the truth.Copy !req
479. That is Luke's daughter. Do we have any
health food restaurants in this town?Copy !req
480. If that's Luke's daughter,
we've got to get rid of her.Copy !req
481. What if she figures out what's going on?
What if she sees our commercial?Copy !req
482. Why not just throw her in
the hole with her old man?Copy !req
483. When I take her out to
dinner, I'll get her drunk.Copy !req
484. I'll tell her the reason that
Luke went to Florida was...Copy !req
485. best salad bar in town:
Airport lanes!Copy !req
486. Oh, stop it...Copy !req
487. and he says, "don't ask
me, I'm just a farmer."Copy !req
488. That is the most disgusting
joke I've ever heard.Copy !req
489. - Listen, I wanted to ask you something.
- What?Copy !req
490. How did you know that I used to work
for the consumer protection agency?Copy !req
491. The thing with the taxi? Why didn't
you tell me it was yellow primer?Copy !req
492. I knew you were baiting me, so I
told you a bigger bunch of bullshit.Copy !req
493. At least you're very honest about
your dishonesty and I admire that.Copy !req
494. I really do.Copy !req
495. Look, Barbara, about Luke...
I got to tell you something...Copy !req
496. - Luke left for Florida the night I called.
- That's not the reason he left.Copy !req
497. I think it would be better for me and for
everybody concerned if I just leave.Copy !req
498. I was thinking of heading up to
Oregon or something like that.Copy !req
499. Thank you very much for taking care
of me. It was very considerate.Copy !req
500. I really had a good time. Maybe
we'll do it again sometime.Copy !req
501. Thanks a lot. Goodbye... thanks.Copy !req
502. Barbara... wait a minute.Copy !req
503. Look, I know that sometimes
I can come off as...Copy !req
504. kind of insincere, but...Copy !req
505. I want you to know that
I really like you.Copy !req
506. I haven't had this much fun with
a girl ever... in my life, so...Copy !req
507. once you and Luke get your problems
worked out, come by and look me up.Copy !req
508. I've been thinking about what
you've been saying about Luke...Copy !req
509. I'm passing judgement on a man
I haven't even seen in ten years.Copy !req
510. I have to give him the
benefit of the doubt.Copy !req
511. So I've decided to stick
around for a few days.Copy !req
512. So, see you tomorrow, okay?
Goodnight.Copy !req
513. - She's staying?
- Yeah, she's staying.Copy !req
514. I told her Luke would call.
What else could I do?Copy !req
515. What the fuck is that?Copy !req
516. If she sees our commercial,
she's going to be suspicious.Copy !req
517. We're going to have a billion
people on the lot tomorrow.Copy !req
518. I've been up all night,
trying to figure this out.Copy !req
519. There's only one thing we can
do: Cancel the commercial.Copy !req
520. Guys, I've got the
solution to our problem.Copy !req
521. Courtesy of the beautiful Daphne.
What I have here...Copy !req
522. is a one-way train ticket to Miami.Copy !req
523. You take it out there
and give it to Barbara.Copy !req
524. Tell her Luke called and wants
her to come straight down.Copy !req
525. Jim and I will do the commercial,
you get her on the train at midnight.Copy !req
526. I feel horseshit enough as it is.Copy !req
527. I took her to a bowling
alley, for Christ's sake!Copy !req
528. I can't do this to her.Copy !req
529. What would a senator do, huh?Copy !req
530. Don't you like your salad?Copy !req
531. Where are you?
You're certainly not here.Copy !req
532. I was thinking how much easier everything
would have been if you'd come last week.Copy !req
533. I don't understand. Why?Copy !req
534. There's something
I got to tell you.Copy !req
535. I don't know if this is
the right time, but...Copy !req
536. the truth of this whole
thing is that Luke...Copy !req
537. sir? I believe you dropped this.Copy !req
538. Thanks.Copy !req
539. Wait a minute.Copy !req
540. Rudy, this is a ticket to Miami.Copy !req
541. - I was going to wait till after dessert.
- You talked to Luke last night?Copy !req
542. Well, no...Copy !req
543. I tried to get a hold of him, but he's
still on that fishing charter and...Copy !req
544. - I just decided to take it on myself.
- That's the most considerate thing.Copy !req
545. - But I can't go.
- What?Copy !req
546. I don't want to force myself on him,
I just want to wait till he comes back.Copy !req
547. And, besides, I'm having a wonderful time.
You're really great company.Copy !req
548. Perfect.Copy !req
549. Okay, okay... Freddie?
We got to go, Jim's ready.Copy !req
550. The president isn't ready and
he's a bit more important.Copy !req
551. - We got to go!
- Why are you so nervous?Copy !req
552. I'm not nervous! I'm so full of
valium, I rattle when I walk!Copy !req
553. All right, fine...
Could I offer you a sleeping pill?Copy !req
554. - Listen, if I take any more shit...
- Aha! There we are.Copy !req
555. - What the hell is this?
- This is a test pattern.Copy !req
556. Okay, I'm receiving your test
pattern, you're looking real good.Copy !req
557. Carter goes on in 28 seconds.Copy !req
558. The programme originally scheduled
will not be seen in order that...Copy !req
559. I didn't know president
carter was going to be on TV.Copy !req
560. Do you mind turning that thing off?
I'm trying to eat.Copy !req
561. Have a little respect. This
happens to be the president.Copy !req
562. Respect, my ass, food giant!
I'm paying 20 bucks for this meal.Copy !req
563. Well, how would you like
that TV stuck up your ass?Copy !req
564. Fellas, it's not worth
all this trouble.Copy !req
565. - I gotta get some air.
- Are you all right?Copy !req
566. - I gotta get some fresh air.
- Are you going to be okay?Copy !req
567. Are you all right?Copy !req
568. Good, just come over here
and sit down for a second.Copy !req
569. Inflation is obviously
a serious problem.Copy !req
570. What is the solution?Copy !req
571. You want the solution to inflation?Copy !req
572. Marshall lucky here, where we're
battling inflation not only-Copy !req
573. by fighting high prices...Copy !req
574. but by blowing the living
shit out of high prices!Copy !req
575. You heard me right! Here's an example:
1973 Cadillac coup Deville for $6299.Copy !req
576. That price is too high.Copy !req
577. Yes sir! Here's another one:
A Lincoln continental mark 4, 1973...Copy !req
578. it's loaded, it's got air
conditioning, it's got a stereo...Copy !req
579. it's got power steering, power breaks,
power seats, power windows...Copy !req
580. and a price that is just too high!Copy !req
581. Now, remember, friends...Copy !req
582. look out, Marshall
lucky, it's high prices!Copy !req
583. Take this, you dirty,
old high prices!Copy !req
584. You got me, Marshall!Copy !req
585. Jesus Christ...Copy !req
586. yes sir, so remember, friends,
that's new deal used cars.Copy !req
587. Now wait just a Goddamn minute!
What the hell is this?Copy !req
588. Is this a 1977 Mercedes
450 SL for 24000 dollars?Copy !req
589. That's too fuckin' high!Copy !req
590. You son of a bitch!Copy !req
591. We blew the shit out of that
overpriced motherfucker-Copy !req
592. just the way we blow the shit out of
all high prices at new deal used cars.Copy !req
593. So you all come on down!Copy !req
594. New deal used cars.
So you all come on down!Copy !req
595. Did you hear what I said?Copy !req
596. I have heard you with
unmistakable clarity.Copy !req
597. You son of a bitch!Copy !req
598. - Let's go!
- Move this motherfucker!Copy !req
599. A free economy cannot
cope with inflation.Copy !req
600. If we've lost our ability to
act as a nation, rather than...Copy !req
601. as a collection of
special interests...Copy !req
602. and I reply, "what kind of
people do they think we are?"Copy !req
603. You want to give me that again?Copy !req
604. As I say, I heard this large explosion,
I couldn't tell what was going on.Copy !req
605. I saw the car over there in flames and
all these strange little characters...Copy !req
606. with towels on their heads,
yelling, "ayatollah, ayatollah!"Copy !req
607. Then they all got in a car and drove away.
I guess it was Iranian students...Copy !req
608. out to discredit the
American way of life.Copy !req
609. I can't imagine who else
would do such a thing.Copy !req
610. Let's go.Copy !req
611. Sure hope you nail 'em.
Happy motoring.Copy !req
612. Hey, Jim, did those FBI guys...
were they... Jim?Copy !req
613. Combat fatigue... shit.Copy !req
614. I'll teach you to wreck my
cars, you son of a bitch!Copy !req
615. Okay, now, you asked for it now.Copy !req
616. Get off my back, you lunatic!Copy !req
617. All right, now I'm gonna
have to hurt you.Copy !req
618. Where's my brother?Copy !req
619. Where are you hiding
my brother, you...Copy !req
620. the pit... they filled in the pit!Copy !req
621. I knew it!Copy !req
622. Get off!Copy !req
623. Dumb dog!Copy !req
624. Get away!Copy !req
625. Get off!Copy !req
626. Get away, you dumb dog!Copy !req
627. Toby! You pissed on my...
goddammit!Copy !req
628. Now aren't you glad
I didn't go to Florida?Copy !req
629. Since you brought that up...Copy !req
630. there's something I gotta
get off my chest...Copy !req
631. this is Rudy. If you leave your name
and your number, I'll get back to you.Copy !req
632. Rudy, it's Jim! If you're there,
pick up! Emergency!Copy !req
633. What is it?Copy !req
634. Jesus!Copy !req
635. Where are you now?Copy !req
636. Don't worry, I'll be right there.Copy !req
637. What is it? Is it about Luke?Copy !req
638. - No, no.
- Well, what then?Copy !req
639. What is it about? What's going on?Copy !req
640. Jeff, he got in a fight, I gotta go down
to the station house and bail him out.Copy !req
641. I'll be right back. See you later.Copy !req
642. Rudy, it's Jim. If you're there,
pick up! Emergency!Copy !req
643. What is it?Copy !req
644. Fuchs knows Luke's dead.
He found out where we buried him.Copy !req
645. - Jesus!
- He beat up Jeff!Copy !req
646. The cops are gonna
think we killed him!Copy !req
647. - Where are you now?
- At the lot!Copy !req
648. I'll be right there.Copy !req
649. The white house reaction
has been negative.Copy !req
650. Do you think we like being associated
with the president of the united states?Copy !req
651. We run an honest lot here!Copy !req
652. Come on, guys! We're not even open yet!
I told you to keep your ass off this lot.Copy !req
653. Yeah, show him the warrant, Sam.Copy !req
654. - Bring those picks over here!
- A search warrant?Copy !req
655. What the hell are you
guys looking for?Copy !req
656. Start digging over here.Copy !req
657. Hold on! You bust in here, disrupt our
business, start digging up our lawn...Copy !req
658. at least tell us what the
hell you're looking for.Copy !req
659. You buried my brother
here and you know it.Copy !req
660. What? Roy, are you
looking for Luke?Copy !req
661. He was here 30 minutes ago.
He'll be right back.Copy !req
662. You spoke to Lucas
Fuchs 30 minutes ago?Copy !req
663. He got back from Miami
beach last night.Copy !req
664. Oh shit, he smells!Copy !req
665. Come on, Luke... I'm sorry, Luke.Copy !req
666. Shut up, Toby! I hear you!Copy !req
667. Adios, Luke!Copy !req
668. I'm telling you guys, you're wasting
your time. Here he comes now!Copy !req
669. Jesus, he is still alive.
Where the hell is he going?Copy !req
670. - He's exceeding the speed limit.
- He's got to be drunk.Copy !req
671. He's heading right
for the transformer!Copy !req
672. All right, grab that pump!Copy !req
673. Very neat, Russo, very clean...Copy !req
674. plenty of witnesses, everything up
in flames, not a trace of evidence.Copy !req
675. Shrewd... kept yourself
out of jail.Copy !req
676. - Now get the fuck off my lot.
- Your lot?Copy !req
677. You just handed it to
me on a silver platter.Copy !req
678. Afraid not, Roy. Luke's got a daughter.
You remember Barbara? She's back in town.Copy !req
679. I bet you haven't seen her in ten years.
You wanna talk to her?Copy !req
680. She's staying over at my place.Copy !req
681. You son of a bitch.Copy !req
682. Get off me! Get this maniac off me!Copy !req
683. - Get him off!
- Okay, mac, come on, here you go.Copy !req
684. Oh my god...Copy !req
685. get your hands off me!
I'm Roy I. Fuchs, you son of a bitch!Copy !req
686. Barbara! There's been a terrible
accident, your father's dead.Copy !req
687. Why don't you tell her the truth, Russo?
He buried him back there in the Edsel!Copy !req
688. - Will you please tell me the truth?
- All right...Copy !req
689. your father wasn't in
Miami, never was...Copy !req
690. he was in aspen. He didn't want you
to be here when he got back...Copy !req
691. Rudy, you're fired and you can
take your friends with you.Copy !req
692. Get off my lot!Copy !req
693. Shit!Copy !req
694. So? What do you say?Copy !req
695. I'll have to think about it.
He's an asshole.Copy !req
696. Don't think too long. A ninth-grader
was looking at it yesterday.Copy !req
697. Real grinders. Tougher to
close than their parents.Copy !req
698. Aw Christ... how am I gonna
come up with five grand?Copy !req
699. Why don't you call my bookie, put
some money on the game tonight, huh?Copy !req
700. I got a good feeling about Denver.
Here's his number.Copy !req
701. Denver's ranked tenth.Copy !req
702. That's right, but I found a dime in a
payphone booth this morning. Ten cents...Copy !req
703. minted in Denver. The numbers that I
dialled on the phone added up to ten.Copy !req
704. Today is the tenth... and you know what
time it was when I found the dime?Copy !req
705. Ten after ten!Copy !req
706. I can't lose, so I bet ten bucks.Copy !req
707. That's the dumbest fucking
shit I ever heard in my life.Copy !req
708. Superstitious crap... I'm gonna push
you under a ladder on friday the 13th.Copy !req
709. Why don't you just go
ahead and call her?Copy !req
710. She knows you belong on
that lot. Just call her.Copy !req
711. Okay, okay, okay...Copy !req
712. Mr Russo?Copy !req
713. This is Mr Caldwell,
the party chairman.Copy !req
714. The machine has to present its slate
of candidates the day after tomorrow.Copy !req
715. We'll need your contribution.
You do have it, don't you?Copy !req
716. - Yeah, I got it.
- Very good.Copy !req
717. Put it out! Put it out!Copy !req
718. Here's the script, boss.Copy !req
719. You're sure this is the one
they're filming over there now?Copy !req
720. - I swiped it right off the truck.
- Well, this stinks.Copy !req
721. I wouldn't buy a car from anybody
who put this kind of shit on TV.Copy !req
722. - Would you?
- I wouldn't.Copy !req
723. That's what I keep telling you. She
don't know what the hell she's doing.Copy !req
724. She hasn't sold a car in four days. At this
rate she'll be bankrupt in three weeks.Copy !req
725. Roy? Sam. Any progress
with your niece?Copy !req
726. No, she's as stubborn as her
old man. She won't sell dick.Copy !req
727. But I'll just bide my time.
She'll be bankrupt in two weeks.Copy !req
728. You haven't any time to bide.Copy !req
729. The mayor's going to announce the
new freeway the day after tomorrow.Copy !req
730. You'd better find some
sucker to buy your lot.Copy !req
731. Roy?Copy !req
732. Asshole mayor! We know
anybody over at channel 7?Copy !req
733. Now watch this.Copy !req
734. See the... style of cars we
have to choose from. We have...Copy !req
735. you see where she said "style"?Copy !req
736. See the... style of cars
we have to choose from...Copy !req
737. further on down she says this:Copy !req
738. 3217 valley road,
just one mile... west of...Copy !req
739. a mile. I took the word mile
and I put it over style.Copy !req
740. Now watch this.Copy !req
741. Come on down and see the mile
of cars we have to choose from.Copy !req
742. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
743. Let me see that again.Copy !req
744. See the... mile of cars...
we have to choose from...Copy !req
745. Goddamn, that's terrific!
What do you think, Sam?Copy !req
746. Most blatant case of
false advertising.Copy !req
747. I could have her convicted
24 hours after it's aired.Copy !req
748. - When are they going to show that?
- During tonight's game.Copy !req
749. Why don't you come on down and see the
mile of cars we have to choose from?Copy !req
750. She said she had a mile of cars.Copy !req
751. Can you believe that?Copy !req
752. That's the most blatant claim of
false advertising I ever heard.Copy !req
753. She sure looks good,
though, doesn't she?Copy !req
754. Russo, I've been looking
all over for you.Copy !req
755. I'm about to lose my
job because of you.Copy !req
756. I've got more than 250 sophomores who
aren't going to pass driver education...Copy !req
757. because your frigging
cars won't run.Copy !req
758. You got an auto-shop class. Enroll your
sophomores and teach them something.Copy !req
759. I'll teach you something.Copy !req
760. What did I tell you, Rudy? Denver!Copy !req
761. When I get a feeling,
I get a feeling.Copy !req
762. Hell of a game! You should
have put some money on it.Copy !req
763. - I did.
- Great!Copy !req
764. On Kansas city.Copy !req
765. Kansas city? How much
did you put down?Copy !req
766. All of it.Copy !req
767. All of it?Copy !req
768. Everything I own.Copy !req
769. Forty gs?Copy !req
770. You dope! You just threw
it right down the tubes!Copy !req
771. Don't you get it? The only way
you can win is if... if I lose.Copy !req
772. I wouldn't worry about that.
I think your money's in the bag.Copy !req
773. A minute to go... I think Denver would
have to run into some pretty bad luck.Copy !req
774. Denver would have to run
into some pretty bad luck...Copy !req
775. he fumbled the ball!
It's recovered...Copy !req
776. I got the ball... I got it.Copy !req
777. Hold this stuff, I gotta
turn this contest around.Copy !req
778. I got the ball, Jim.
I got a chance, babe.Copy !req
779. - More salt!
- Please god...Copy !req
780. no one seemed to hit him, and yet,
the ball squirted, just like magic...Copy !req
781. black magic, more like it, Danny...Copy !req
782. pass the ball...Copy !req
783. is there a black cat in the house?
How about a ladder?Copy !req
784. What the hell are you trying to do?Copy !req
785. Duck!Copy !req
786. Touchdown! I don't believe it!Copy !req
787. I made it!Copy !req
788. You got the money, Russo?Copy !req
789. Or should I say "senator Russo"?Copy !req
790. Mr tucker, I gotta tell you,
I'm a little bit nervous about...Copy !req
791. about what I'm supposed to do. What sort
of policies are you guys trying to push?Copy !req
792. The party shares the concern of the
American taxpayer, the working man.Copy !req
793. Here's the new freeway we're announcing.
My son-in-law got that contract.Copy !req
794. Fine boy!Copy !req
795. We're also in favour
of public facilities.Copy !req
796. We're going to tear down that
old hospital on the east side...Copy !req
797. and put in a nice golf course.Copy !req
798. Chairman Caldwell really likes to play
golf. Wins every tournament he plays in.Copy !req
799. He's got a 48 handicap, fine golfer.
And we're in favour of lowering taxes.Copy !req
800. Didn't you use to work there?Copy !req
801. Closed?Copy !req
802. The party's looking
out for the consumer.Copy !req
803. Last night, the proprietor made a false
claim on a television commercial.Copy !req
804. One of our constituents
brought it to our attention.Copy !req
805. The case goes before a judge in about
five minutes. Justice can be swift.Copy !req
806. What the hell do you mean you
got hanging judge Harrison?Copy !req
807. He's not on our take, he's legit!Copy !req
808. Remember that coloured kid found
guilty for stealing a case of beer?Copy !req
809. Hanging judge Harrison gave
him 35 years of hard labour.Copy !req
810. You need someone to throw
the book at this broad.Copy !req
811. I've paid off all the witnesses, I even
have her attorney on my payroll.Copy !req
812. I can win this case, Roy. Trust me.Copy !req
813. She's a first offender. That's a $500
fine, even if they do convict her.Copy !req
814. She's gonna be convicted and I'm afraid
the fine is going to be real severe.Copy !req
815. Jesus...Copy !req
816. there's only one thing she
can do: Sell that lot.Copy !req
817. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
818. Wait a minute, Russo!Copy !req
819. Hold it! Wait a minute!Copy !req
820. Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye!
The honourable H.H. Harrison presiding.Copy !req
821. Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye!
The honourable H.H. Harrison presiding.Copy !req
822. All rise!Copy !req
823. This court...Copy !req
824. is now in session.Copy !req
825. Do you solemnly swear to tell the
whole truth, so help you god?Copy !req
826. I do.Copy !req
827. Excuse me...Copy !req
828. excuse me... pardon me... sorry.Copy !req
829. Mr Slaton? Will you
commence the questioning?Copy !req
830. Please state your
name and occupation.Copy !req
831. Barbara Jane Fuchs. I'm the
owner of the new deal car lot.Copy !req
832. We have heard testimony from
four qualified experts...Copy !req
833. right here in this courtroom, to the
fact that the commercial in question...Copy !req
834. was authorised by you and was
not tampered with in any way.Copy !req
835. I put it to you, miss Fuchs: Do you have
a mile of cars to sell on your lot?Copy !req
836. Yes! Lie!Copy !req
837. Could you repeat the
question, please?Copy !req
838. Do you have a mile of cars
for sale on your lot?Copy !req
839. When placed end to end, will the cars
on your lot total one mile in length...Copy !req
840. and may I remind you
you are under oath?Copy !req
841. - I don't know...
- Speak up, miss Fuchs!Copy !req
842. Yes.Copy !req
843. Order!Copy !req
844. Order! Order!Copy !req
845. Miss Fuchs?Copy !req
846. Are you absolutely certain that you
understood the gentleman's question?Copy !req
847. You realise, miss Fuchs, that one
mile of cars is over 250 cars?Copy !req
848. Are you aware that you've opened
yourself up to a charge of perjury?Copy !req
849. What?Copy !req
850. I can produce a number of witnesses who
will testify to the fact that she is lying.Copy !req
851. That she has, in fact, only 25
cars on her lot at this time.Copy !req
852. Why don't see for yourself, judge?Copy !req
853. Order!Copy !req
854. - I have no objection to that.
- Neither do I.Copy !req
855. Miss Fuchs, I'm gonna release
you on your own recognizance.Copy !req
856. Court will reconvene at 2.45 p.m.
At the new deal used car lot...Copy !req
857. where I am going to settle
this matter once and for all.Copy !req
858. 250 keys, 250 titles, 250 cars.Copy !req
859. But you've brought no transport trucks.
How are you gonna get them home?Copy !req
860. I have 250 drivers.Copy !req
861. What have I done to the children?Copy !req
862. - You want that one too?
- All of them, everything you got.Copy !req
863. How about some marijuana?
Some rifles?Copy !req
864. - Anything that doesn't start, we'll tow.
- Listen, take him up on the reefer.Copy !req
865. This had better work!Copy !req
866. You told me that your students
needed some road experience, right?Copy !req
867. They're gonna get a crash course.Copy !req
868. Hey, you, amigo!Copy !req
869. How about some rifles for your students?
Chico! Bring some rifles!Copy !req
870. Take your hands off me, sir!
I don't believe in violence!Copy !req
871. Forget about the rifles...Copy !req
872. I think she skipped town.Copy !req
873. Good! I'll win the damn thing on
a default. This calls for a toast...Copy !req
874. to the man who in two hours will be the
biggest car dealer in the southwest.Copy !req
875. Me. Roy I. Fuchs.
Straighten that out, carmine.Copy !req
876. Drivers! To your cars!Copy !req
877. Jeff, do you read me?Copy !req
878. I just finished measuring these.
If we throw in the 26 cars on the lot...Copy !req
879. that gives us 18 feet
safety margin. That's one car.Copy !req
880. - That's playing it pretty close.
- Are we going to make it in two hours?Copy !req
881. You girls ready for some
heavy duty driving?Copy !req
882. Let's see, left hand at 10 o'clock
and right hand at 2 o'clock.Copy !req
883. Jeff, do you read?Copy !req
884. Yeah, you got your own "back door man",
I'll be bringing it up to your rear...Copy !req
885. will you watch where the
hell you're standing!Copy !req
886. You gotta find yourself
another car, nigger!Copy !req
887. This is the only Cadillac here and I
don't drive in nothin' but a cadillac.Copy !req
888. We're towing a car!
Have you ever towed a car before?Copy !req
889. - No.
- Oh great!Copy !req
890. Drivers! Start your engines!Copy !req
891. I'm gonna have to take one hand
off the wheel to start the car...Copy !req
892. you're not gonna flunk
me for that, are you?Copy !req
893. Just start the car.Copy !req
894. - You ready?
- Let's go.Copy !req
895. Let's move 'em out!Copy !req
896. Come on, baby, let's go!Copy !req
897. - How fast are we going?
- Fifty-five.Copy !req
898. At this rate, I think we're going
to be about half an hour late.Copy !req
899. Everybody listen up! We're gonna
have a lesson in driving history!Copy !req
900. This is how we used to drive on the
At seventy-five mph!Copy !req
901. - Everybody seventy-five mph!
- Seventy-five!Copy !req
902. Put that pedal on the floor!Copy !req
903. I've got this
motherfucker wide open!Copy !req
904. This dude ain't no driving teacher,
he's some kind of con man.Copy !req
905. That's 20 miles over the speed limit.
At $10 a mile, that's a $200 fine.Copy !req
906. They can't fine us, we don't
have our license yet.Copy !req
907. It's the police! Stop!Copy !req
908. Oh shit! Wait...Copy !req
909. "at the scene of an accident,
always wait for the police to arrive."Copy !req
910. - This is eleven forty-four...
- They're here.Copy !req
911. Rudy, we just lost our
one-car safety margin, pal.Copy !req
912. You'd better scout ahead for more cops.
We can't take any more chances.Copy !req
913. Okay, ten-four.Copy !req
914. - How much do you owe me now, carmine?
- Twenty-seven.Copy !req
915. Look at that...Copy !req
916. I just heard some crazy
shit on my police scanner.Copy !req
917. There's a whole shitload of used cars
headed this way. You care about that?Copy !req
918. Shit!Copy !req
919. Rudy, I hope you read me 'cause
we got a real big problem.Copy !req
920. - What is it?
- Police roadblock.Copy !req
921. - What the hell are you gonna do?
- We're going to take a short cut.Copy !req
922. What are you... oh, hi, Roy.Copy !req
923. Did you see about 250
cars go by here?Copy !req
924. No, we haven't seen 'em yet.Copy !req
925. - Where the hell are they?
- Who cares? They'll never make it.Copy !req
926. Yeah, the only way they can get there
on time is to drive as the crow flies.Copy !req
927. - I wouldn't worry about it.
- What did you say?Copy !req
928. Never mind! Back up
there and take a left!Copy !req
929. You pea-brained ignoramus!Copy !req
930. What a beautiful day.Copy !req
931. Two thirty... whose idea was it,
going out to this used car lot?Copy !req
932. I could have been out playing golf.Copy !req
933. There they are!
Head for the lead truck!Copy !req
934. Hey, Rudy, looks
like we got company.Copy !req
935. Fuchs! What the hell is this?Copy !req
936. Get out and get in the back!
Get in the damn back!Copy !req
937. You're crazy!Copy !req
938. Don't give me no Goddamn lip!
Get in the Goddamn back now!Copy !req
939. What the hell is he doing?Copy !req
940. Hey, Rudy! You want me to
ram the son of a bitch?Copy !req
941. No! Keep going!
We're running out of time!Copy !req
942. Pull over closer!
Pull in behind them!Copy !req
943. Pull in behind them!Copy !req
944. Keep it going!
Don't stop for anything!Copy !req
945. He's got a gun!Copy !req
946. - Shoot the son of a bitch!
- You motherfucker, you!Copy !req
947. - Pull over!
- Get off of there!Copy !req
948. You motherfucker!Copy !req
949. Keep going!Copy !req
950. Slow down...
I want you bad, you fat-ass!Copy !req
951. I want you, man! I want you!
I gotta have you! I'm gonna get you!Copy !req
952. - Heavy duty, brother!
- Follow the black car!Copy !req
953. Thanks for dropping in!Copy !req
954. Get away from me!Copy !req
955. Stop that truck!Copy !req
956. What am I supposed to do when someone's
standing on the hood of my car?Copy !req
957. Close in! Faster!Copy !req
958. Move it up closer!Copy !req
959. Let go of him!Copy !req
960. You all right?Copy !req
961. Billingham,
let's move this chariot.Copy !req
962. I still may be able to
get in eight holes.Copy !req
963. What the hell is this now?
A mirror truck?Copy !req
964. I hope none of them's cracked...Copy !req
965. let's go! That's it!Copy !req
966. That's it! We made it! Nice job!Copy !req
967. That was some pretty heavy driving!Copy !req
968. - We missed page 35!
- We're here, aren't we?Copy !req
969. - This motherfucker's all right.
- This car is bad, I tell you, man!Copy !req
970. Well, did I pass the test,
Mr Ghertner?Copy !req
971. Yes, as long as you promise to get
your license in another state.Copy !req
972. I think we got plenty of time.
Look who's coming!Copy !req
973. We made it!Copy !req
974. I know you're seeing the same thing with
those itty-bitty beady eyes of yours.Copy !req
975. I tell ya, that sure looks
like a mile of cars to me.Copy !req
976. Let's just make sure, your honour.
Measure them! Every one of them!Copy !req
977. No, sir! That's it!Copy !req
978. I mean, that's a red car...
I'm sorry, I tried...Copy !req
979. no, no, no, it's a red car.Copy !req
980. If Jeff don't get here, we're
going to be 18 feet short.Copy !req
981. Dammit...Copy !req
982. Jeff, come in!Copy !req
983. Jeff, come in! Are you there?Copy !req
984. Come in! Are you there?Copy !req
985. Are you there?Copy !req
986. - Jeff, come in, please!
- Where is he?Copy !req
987. - Yeah, Rudy, I'm here.
- Where's here?Copy !req
988. I'm parked near the railroad crossing
on valley road, near highway 9.Copy !req
989. Get over here! We're in a hurry!
Without your car we're 18 feet short!Copy !req
990. Can't they measure them any faster?Copy !req
991. What do you expect me to do?
Put roller skates on them boys?Copy !req
992. The paint washed off, Rudy,
and there's red paint underneath...Copy !req
993. you see, I can't drive
it, it's a red car!Copy !req
994. Jeff, you've been driving it all day.
It's all in your mind, you can do it...Copy !req
995. - which side of the tracks are you on?
- East.Copy !req
996. He's on the wrong side. The 2.45
is coming through. You've got to do it!Copy !req
997. - I can't do it.
- Red cars don't mean shit!Copy !req
998. I'm sorry... listen to me...Copy !req
999. there's grey primer underneath that red
paint, you're really driving a grey car.Copy !req
1000. Please, Jeff, if you don't
get here, we lose the lot.Copy !req
1001. - Fourteen seven!
- Seventeen feet, nine inches.Copy !req
1002. What do you think, Toby?Copy !req
1003. Shit! Wouldn't you know it?
For once the train's on time.Copy !req
1004. - Seventeen six.
- Eighteen feet, four inches.Copy !req
1005. - Seventeen feet, nine inches.
- Fourteen four.Copy !req
1006. Come on!Copy !req
1007. Eighteen feet, four inches.Copy !req
1008. Is that the last car?
What's the final total?Copy !req
1009. Come on! One of these...Copy !req
1010. well, it'd better be a grey car...Copy !req
1011. you cheated! You cheated!Copy !req
1012. You cheated, you bastards!Copy !req
1013. Easy, Roy, they're on the
last car and they're short.Copy !req
1014. Five thousand two hundred and sixty-two
and... eighteen will make a mile...Copy !req
1015. here it is, right there!
You're eighteen feet short.Copy !req
1016. Take it from the bumper!Copy !req
1017. Ah... you're two inches short.Copy !req
1018. 5280 feet, a mile of cars!
Case dismissed!Copy !req
1019. Wait a minute! Somebody pay you off?
A license plate don't count!Copy !req
1020. Come on, buddy! We won!Copy !req
1021. Don't give me that shit!Copy !req
1022. For uttering those contemptuous remarks,
I'm gonna put your balls in a sling.Copy !req
1023. Deputies! Let's haul ass!Copy !req
1024. Come on, buddy, come on...Copy !req
1025. well, partner...Copy !req
1026. that was terrific, what
you did here today.Copy !req
1027. With that new freeway ramp, you're gonna
have the best freeway access in the state.Copy !req
1028. You can have the biggest
dealership in the southwest.Copy !req
1029. I know we've had our differences...Copy !req
1030. but if you ever need a friend,
you've got one downtown.Copy !req
1031. Thanks, Sam, thanks a million.Copy !req
1032. Well... partners.Copy !req
1033. Don't partner me! You knew about
that freeway the whole time.Copy !req
1034. I didn't know anything,
this is the first I've heard of it.Copy !req
1035. - Rudy, are you sure?
- Trust me.Copy !req
1036. - Excuse me, miss...
- Ma'am?Copy !req
1037. What's that yellow paint doing
on that car? Did it use to be a taxi?Copy !req
1038. - That car there?
- Yes, that car there.Copy !req
1039. - No, ma'am, that's yellow primer.
- Yellow primer?Copy !req
1040. Yes, that's being used on
a lot of cars these days.Copy !req
1041. It's a rust preventative,
it adds life to the body...Copy !req
1042. It's all a big shuffle
cut and dealCopy !req
1043. All the smart players
got a way to stealCopy !req
1044. If you're a believer
you'll find out fastCopy !req
1045. Like life and your pickup
nothing's made to lastCopy !req
1046. Used car
everybody's got one to tradeCopy !req
1047. Used car
everybody's got one to sellCopy !req
1048. Used car buyer,
take care buyer, bewareCopy !req
1049. Oh, yeahCopy !req
1050. You gotta spit on
it to make it shineCopy !req
1051. You gotta hard sell it
move it down the lineCopy !req
1052. Like an old lover
it's slowing downCopy !req
1053. You wanna change partners
you gotta shop aroundCopy !req
1054. Used car
everybody's got one to tradeCopy !req
1055. Used car
everybody's got one to sellCopy !req
1056. Used car buyer,
take care buyer, bewareCopy !req
1057. Are you a spring
dreamer ripe for loveCopy !req
1058. Spot a great body
you've been dreamin' ofCopy !req
1059. So you go for it
she's a heavy tenCopy !req
1060. Paint peels off you've
been ripped off againCopy !req
1061. Used car
everybody's got one to tradeCopy !req
1062. Used car
everybody's got one to sellCopy !req
1063. Used car buyer,
take care buyer, go to hellCopy !req
1064. Used car
everybody's got one to tradeCopy !req
1065. Used car
everybody's got one to sellCopy !req
1066. Used car buyer,
take care buyer, go to hellCopy !req
1067. Yeah, rightCopy !req
1068. Used car
everybody's got one to tradeCopy !req
1069. Used car
everybody's got one to sellCopy !req
1070. Used car buyer,
take care buyer, go to hellCopy !req
1071. Used car trust meCopy !req
1072. Used car would I lie to youCopy !req
1073. Used car buyer, take careCopy !req