Up in the Air (2009)

1. This is what I get in return for 30 years of service for my company?

2. And they send some yo-yo like you in here

3. to try to tell me that I'm out of a job?

4. They should be telling you you're out of a job.

5. You have a lot of gall coming in here and firing your number one producer.

6. And then you're going to go home tomorrow

7. and make more money than you've ever made in your life,

8. and I'm going to go home without a pay check. Fuck you.

9. I just... I guess you leave me dumbfounded.

10. I don't know where this is coming from.

11. How am I supposed to go back as a man

12. and explain this to my wife that I lost my job?

13. On a stress level,

14. I've heard that losing your job is like a death in the family.

15. But personally, I feel more like

16. the people I worked with were my family and I died.

17. I can't afford to be unemployed. I have a house payment. I have children.

18. I don't know how you can live with yourself,

19. but I'm sure that you'll find a way while the rest of us are suffering.

20. Who the fuck are you, man?

21. Excellent question. Who the fuck am l?

22. Poor Steve has worked here for seven years.

23. He's never had a meeting with me before or passed me in the hall

24. or told me a story in the break room.

25. And that's because I don't work here.

26. I work for another company that lends me out to pussies like Steve's boss

27. who don't have the balls to sack their own employees,

28. and in some cases, for good reason.

29. Because people do crazy shit when they get fired.

30. Did I do something wrong?

31. I mean, is there something I could do differently here?

32. This is not an assessment of your productivity.

33. You gotta try not to take this personally.

34. "Don't take it personally."

35. Steven, I want you to review this packet.

36. Take it seriously. I think you're gonna find a lot of good answers in here.

37. I'm sure this is gonna be very helpful, a packet.

38. Thank you. A packet.

39. Well, anybody who ever built an empire or changed the world

40. sat where you are right now.

41. And it's because they sat there they were able to do it.

42. That's the truth.

43. I'm gonna need your keycard.

44. Great. Okay.

45. Now, I want you to take the day, go get together your personal things,

46. and then tomorrow, you get yourself some exercise.

47. You go out for a jog,

48. you give yourself some routines, and pretty soon you find your legs.

49. How do I get in touch with you?

50. Don't worry, we'll be in touch with you soon.

51. This is just the beginning.

52. I'll never see Steve again.

53. Thank you.

54. To know me is to fly with me.

55. This is where I Iive.

56. When I run my card, the system automatically prompts the desk clerk

57. to greet me with this exact statement.

58. Pleasure to see you again, Mr. Bingham.

59. It's these kinds of systemized,

60. friendly touches that keep my world in orbit.

61. All the things you probably hate about traveling,

62. the recycled air, the artificial lighting, the digital juice dispensers,

63. the cheap sushi, are warm reminders that I'm home.

64. Do you want the cancer?

65. - The what? - Do you want the cancer?

66. The cancer?

67. The can, sir?

68. No. I'm fine, thank you.

69. How much does your life weigh?

70. lmagine for a second that you're carrying a backpack.

71. I want you to feel the straps on your shoulders.

72. Feel them?

73. Now I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life.

74. You start with the little things, the things on shelves and in drawers,

75. the knickknacks, the collectibles.

76. Feel the weight as that adds up.

77. Then you start adding larger stuff,

78. clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, linens,

79. your TV.

80. The backpack should be getting pretty heavy now.

81. And you go bigger.

82. Your couch, bed, your kitchen table. Stuff it all in there.

83. Your car, get it in there.

84. Your home, whether it's a studio apartment or a two-bedroom house,

85. I want you to stuff it all into that backpack.

86. Now try to walk.

87. It's kind of hard, isn't it?

88. This is what we do to ourselves on a daily basis.

89. We weigh ourselves down until we can't even move.

90. And make no mistake, moving is living.

91. Now, I'm gonna set that backpack on fire.

92. What do you want to take out of it? Photos?

93. Photos are for people who can't remember.

94. Drink some ginkgo and let the photos burn.

95. In fact, let everything burn and imagine waking up tomorrow with nothing.

96. It's kind of exhilarating, isn't it?

97. Welcome back, Mr. Bingham.

98. Ryan Bingham's office.

99. You put me in a Dodge Stratus in Kansas City.

100. They were completely out of all full-size sedans.

101. - Did you try... - Yes.

102. I reminded them of your remarkable

103. No.1 Gold Club status and years in the program.

104. They are literally moving mountains to see you in a Sebring.

105. Fair enough. Any other messages?

106. Your sister Kara called.

107. Needs to speak urgently about your sister's wedding.

108. I told her you were mid-air and not even I knew your final destination.

109. - Well done. - And you got an invitation

110. to speak at Goalquest in Vegas.

111. Goalquest 20?

112. Every once in a while, I do speaking engagements, motivational kind of stuff.

113. But Goalquest? We're talking major Tony Robbins shit.

114. It's got a hologram on it.

115. They're calling it Dos Equis.

116. All right, I'll check in.

117. - Hold on. I've got Craig Gregory for you. - Wait...

118. Fuck.

119. How is my little road warrior?

120. Hey, 20 minutes from boarding into a world of bliss.

121. Real good numbers out of Phoenix, Ry guy.

122. Hey, you know that Big Auto is about to cut

123. another 10K before the end of the month?

124. - No kidding. - Yeah. Christmas came early.

125. I wish I could have you in about five places at once,

126. but I do need you back here in Omaha by the end of week.

127. - All right? - I thought you needed me everywhere.

128. Well, you know, we got something real big here, a real game changer.

129. What are we talking about here?

130. You'll see. Today I took my first crap in two weeks, hallelujah.

131. - That's me hanging up on you. - Great, love that sound.

132. Are you satisfied with Maestro?

133. Yeah, I am.

134. A little stingy with their miles. I like Hertz.

135. No, Hertz keeps its vehicles too long.

136. if a car has over 20,000 miles, I won't drive it.

137. Maestro doesn't instant checkout. I like to park and go.

138. Hertz doesn't guarantee navigation.

139. It's funny. You don't seem like a girl who needs directions.

140. I hate asking for directions. That's why I get a nav.

141. That new outfit, Colonial, isn't bad.

142. - Is that a joke? - Yes.

143. - Because their kiosk placement blows. - They never have available upgrades.

144. Basically, it's a fleet of shit-boxes.

145. I don't know how they're still in business.

146. - I'm Ryan. - I'm Alex.

147. Maplewood card.

148. How dare you bring that into this palace?

149. Hilton offers equal value and better food,

150. but the Maplewood gives out warm cookies at check-in.

151. They got you with the cookies, did they?

152. Yeah. I'm a sucker for simulated hospitality.

153. You know, there's an industry term for that.

154. It's a mixture of "faux" and "homey." "Faumey."

155. Oh, my God.

156. I wasn't sure this actually existed.

157. This is the American Airlines...

158. It's a Concierge Key, yeah.

159. - What is that, carbon fiber? - Graphite.

160. Oh, God, I love the weight.

161. I was pretty excited the day that bad boy came in.

162. Yeah. I'll say.

163. I put up pretty pedestrian numbers.

164. Sixty thou a year, domestic.

165. - That's not bad. - Don't patronize me.

166. - What's your total? - It's a personal question.

167. - Oh, please. - And we hardly know each other.

168. Come on. Show some hubris. Come on, impress me.

169. - I bet it's huge. - You have no idea.

170. How big?

171. What is it, this big?

172. - This big? - I don't want to brag.

173. Come on! Come on.

174. Let's just say I have a number in mind. I haven't hit it yet.

175. This is pretty fucking sexy.

176. Hope it doesn't cheapen our relationship.

177. We're two people who get turned on by elite status.

178. I think cheap is our starting point.

179. There's nothing cheap about loyalty.

180. So, we came up with this master plan, which was for me

181. to put gauze, to put bandages on both my hands.

182. Then we got on the plane,

183. transatlantic, flying to Zürich.

184. Walked up... Waited till it was dark,

185. and walked up to the bathroom with her.

186. Everybody was watching the movie, and I was like...

187. Opened up, went inside.

188. She opened the door for me,

189. and came in like she was gonna help me.

190. And then, you know, we gave it our best shot. It wasn't great.

191. But it was fun. It was tricky.

192. - Give me some details. - Well, it's not so easy.

193. - Have you ever tried it? It's not so easy. - Yes, I have.

194. - Really? - Really.

195. - You've done that? - I have done that.

196. On a transatlantic flight?

197. On a domestic flight. Regional, actually.

198. - Like nighttime? - No, like daytime.

199. - You... - What?

200. I mean, how do you do that?

201. I'm really flexible.

202. Look.

203. I should throw these out.

204. We can always use that room with the ice machine.

205. Here, look.

206. Good call on that towel rack.

207. I like how you burritoed me in the sofa cushions.

208. I was improvising.

209. Shame we didn't make it to the closet.

210. - We got to do this again. - Yeah.

211. All right, I'm in Newark on the 12th, Modesto on the 13th,

212. Oklahoma City on the 15th.

213. Any Southwest? I'll be swinging by Albuquerque week of the 16th.

214. No, but I'll be in Florida on the 20th.

215. - Fort Lauderdale? - Miami.

216. - That's nothing. - Forty minutes.

217. I should probably go back to my room so I can wake up in my bed.

218. I think that would be the ladylike thing to do.

219. Nice meeting you.

220. A pleasure.

221. - Hello? - Hey, Ryan, how you holding up?

222. Every family has the one person who keeps the genealogy in check.

223. That's my sister Kara, the glue.

224. Fine. You and the kids?

225. Missy's outstanding, Matthew made varsity. How's the road?

226. - Couldn't be better. - Good. So, Ryan?

227. Yeah?

228. I didn't even want to have to ask you this

229. because I know how you are about doing things for others,

230. but we're coming up on three weeks to go to Julie's wedding

231. and there's something we could really use your help on.

232. Yeah?

233. We've been sending people these kits

234. so they can print out photos of Julie and Jim on cardboard

235. and then take photos of them in interesting places,

236. kind of like that gnome in the French movie.

237. Why?

238. Because it's Julie's wedding and she thinks it would be fun.

239. - Does it matter why? - How is Julie?

240. Would you call her? She thinks you've turned to butter.

241. You're awfully isolated the way you live.

242. lsolated? I'm surrounded.

243. So, your assistant said you were gonna be in Vegas.

244. Did he?

245. Can you get a photo of the cutout in front of the Luxor pyramid?

246. The place is a shithole. Nobody stays there.

247. Jesus, Ryan, I'm not asking you to check in.

248. Can you just take a stupid photo?

249. I'll try my best.

250. Thank you for trying your best.

251. Last year, I spent 322 days on the road,

252. which means I had to spend 43 miserable days at home.

253. Hey, neighbor.

254. Hey. Hi!

255. Hi. Hey, I signed for this while you were gone.

256. Thanks.

257. - I hope it wasn't too much of a bother. - Nah.

258. Wow.

259. Yeah, it's my sister. I haven't met the guy yet. They're getting married.

260. - Lots of luck. - I know, right?

261. What are you doing tonight? You wanna come over later?

262. I've started seeing somebody.

263. Okay. Great.

264. Hey, it's good to see you.

265. - You, too. - It seems like it's been a while this time.

266. Okay.

267. I am just... I'm thrilled that everyone's back under one roof.

268. Welcome home, boys.

269. I know there's been a lot of whispering about why we're here,

270. so let me jump right in. Retailers are down 20%.

271. Auto industry is in the dump.

272. Housing market doesn't have a heartbeat.

273. It is one of the worst times on record for America.

274. This is our moment.

275. Now, last summer, we received a dynamite young woman here

276. from Cornell,

277. and she had some pretty big ideas that she challenged me with.

278. And my first reaction was, "Who does this kid think that she is?"

279. But after I gave it a listen, she really knocked me out.

280. So, with a peek into our future, Natalie Keener.

281. if there's one word I want to leave you with today, it's this.

282. "Glocal"?

283. Glocal.

284. Our global must become local.

285. This company keeps 23 people on the road at least 250 days a year.

286. It's expensive, and it's inefficient.

287. When I came to Craig three months ago with this,

288. he told me, and quite astutely, it's only a problem if you have a solution.

289. Well, today I stand before you with just that.

290. You all know Ned in reception. Today I'm gonna fire Ned.

291. Sorry, Ned. I'm sure HR will hire you back this afternoon.

292. We'll see about that.

293. Now Ned could be any employee in any one of our clients' locations worldwide.

294. Strategy packets will be shipped in advance.

295. Ned would be given a seat

296. and find one of our transition specialists waiting for him.

297. Mr. Laskin, the reason we're having this conversation

298. is your position is no longer available.

299. I don't understand. I'm fired?

300. Hearing the words "you've been let go" is never easy.

301. Change is always scary, but consider the following.

302. Anybody who ever built an empire or changed the world

303. sat where you are now.

304. And it's because they sat there that they were able to do it.

305. That's my fucking line.

306. But what happens now?

307. This is the first step of a process

308. that will end with you in a new job that fulfills you.

309. Yeah. But how does it work?

310. I want you to take the packet in front of you.

311. Review it. All the answers you're looking for are inside.

312. Start filling out the necessary information,

313. and before you know it, you'll be on your way to new opportunities.

314. Now, Ned, I need you to go back to your desk

315. and start putting together your things.

316. As a favor to me, I'd appreciate it if you didn't spread the news just yet.

317. Panic doesn't help anyone.

318. I understand.

319. Give it up for Ned.

320. You can start the morning in Boston, stop in Dallas over lunch,

321. and finish the day in San Francisco,

322. all for the price of a T1 line.

323. Our inflated travel budget is eviscerated by 85%.

324. And more importantly to you guys on the road,

325. no more Christmases in a hotel in Tulsa,

326. no more hours lost to weather delays.

327. You get to come home.

328. Tell me you're not taking this seriously.

329. That's why I brought the entire company in from the road,

330. because we're not taking it seriously.

331. There is a methodology to what I do. There is a reason why it works.

332. Coke and lBM have been doing this for years, all right.

333. Are you familiar with them?

334. Now just like anything else, you know,

335. it's gonna take a few months of sort of transition

336. and then everybody is gonna settle in.

337. Who are you taking off the road?

338. How are you not getting this? You're grounded.

339. Everybody's grounded. It's done.

340. What we do here is brutal, and it does leave people devastated.

341. But there is a dignity to the way I do it.

342. By stabbing them in the chest instead of the back, is that right?

343. - You wanted to see me? - Well...

344. Yeah. You know what? Yeah, come on in.

345. - Come on in here. - Great job out there, Natalie.

346. - Thank you. How's everyone taking it? - Great.

347. Listen, I admire your... Your zeal.

348. And I think you have some very good ideas.

349. But you know nothing about the realities of my industry.

350. You can set up an I Chat, but you don't know how people think.

351. - Actually, I minored in psychology. - Nice.

352. - Okay, kiddo, fire me. - Ryan.

353. Well, since she's gonna be doing this on a regular basis,

354. don't you wanna know if she can fire somebody?

355. - She's fired Ned. - My dog can fire Ned. Fire me.

356. - You don't need to do this. - No, it's okay. I got this.

357. Mr. Bingham, I regret to inform you

358. that your position at this company is no longer available.

359. - Who the hell are you? - My name is Miss Keener.

360. - I'm here today to discuss your future. - My future?

361. The only one who can fire me is Craig Gregory.

362. Mr. Gregory hired me to handle this for him.

363. Handle what? Handle me?

364. Mr. Gregory hired me, he's the only one who can fire me.

365. You know what? I'm gonna go talk to him.

366. - Mr. Bingham. - No, no, no. You can't follow me.

367. You're on a computer screen, remember?

368. - Ryan. - All right. Let's try this again.

369. - Fire me again. - I just did.

370. Actually, you didn't. Fire me.

371. That's enough. I think we get it.

372. Mr. Bingham, I'm here today to inform you

373. that your position is no longer available.

374. - I'm fired? - Yes, you're fired.

375. - Never say fired. - You've been let go.

376. - Why? - This is a mythical situation.

377. How could I possibly know why?

378. Why doesn't matter. You never know why.

379. It's important not to focus on the why

380. and rather to spend your energy thinking about your future.

381. Well, I'm gonna spend my energy on suing you unless you give me

382. - a good reason why you're firing me. - Mr. Bingham,

383. the reason's not important.

384. So, you're firing me without grounds? Now I really have a lawsuit.

385. I get what you're trying to say, Ryan.

386. - Don't take this personally, Mr. Bingham. - Personally?

387. This is the most personal situation that you are ever gonna enter,

388. so before you try to revolutionize my business,

389. I'd like to know that you actually know my business.

390. That's a hell of a way to welcome her to the team.

391. Am I the only one that sees that by doing this

392. we're making ourselves irrelevant?

393. No, frankly, we're making you irrelevant.

394. - Nice. - Don't blame me.

395. Blame the high fuel costs. Blame insurance premiums. Blame technology.

396. You know, you better watch yourself.

397. You're a little too young to become a dinosaur.

398. I'm not a dinosaur.

399. I want you to show her the ropes.

400. What do I know what goes on here? Get Ferguson to do it.

401. I'm not talking about here.

402. - No. - Yeah.

403. Come on. You're very, very confident this girl

404. - doesn't know what she's doing, so... - Well, I'm sorry.

405. I don't think a MySpace page qualifies you to rewire an entire company.

406. Well, then great. Here's your chance.

407. Go out there, show her the magic, take her through the paces.

408. I'm not a fucking tour guide.

409. Now here we go.

410. Bingham, here's the boat.

411. And here's you. Do you want to be in the boat?

412. Yeah, alone.

413. We're ringing the bell. We're rounding everybody up.

414. You want to stay out there a little bit longer,

415. you're welcome to do it, but you will not be alone, okay?

416. You let me know.

417. Oh, Christ.

418. - What? - Follow me.

419. I really like my luggage.

420. That's exactly what it is, it's luggage.

421. You know how much time you lose by checking in?

422. - I don't know. Five, 10 minutes? - Thirty-five minutes a flight.

423. I travel 270 days a year.

424. That's 157 hours. That makes seven days.

425. You're willing to throw away an entire week on that?

426. You don't need this. Sorry, you don't need that.

427. You're not gonna need that. They have neck pillows on the plane.

428. This, they have better ones there.

429. I'll get rid of this.

430. I can just meet you at security.

431. Thank you.

432. Bingo, Asians.

433. You can't be serious.

434. Never get behind people traveling with infants.

435. I've never seen a stroller collapse in less than 20 minutes.

436. Old people are worse.

437. Their bodies are littered with hidden metal,

438. and they never seem to appreciate how little time they have left on earth.

439. Here you go.

440. Five words. Randomly selected for additional screening.

441. Asians.

442. They pack light, travel efficiently, and they've got a thing for slip-on shoes.

443. - You've got to love them. - That's racist.

444. I'm like my mother. I stereotype. It's faster.

445. Are you mad at your computer?

446. I type with purpose.

447. What is it that you're working on so furiously?

448. I'm building a workflow of firing techniques.

449. It's questions and responses, actions and reactions.

450. It's a script taking you through the steps of firing someone.

451. Who's it for?

452. Well, theoretically, you could put it in the hands of anyone

453. and they'd be downsizing immediately.

454. All you have to do is follow the steps.

455. Natalie, what is it you think we do here?

456. We prepare the newly unemployed

457. for the emotional and physical hurdles ofjob hunting,

458. while minimizing legal blowback.

459. That's what we're selling. It's not what we're doing.

460. Okay. What are we doing?

461. We are here to make limbo tolerable,

462. to ferry wounded souls across the river of dread

463. until the point where hope is dimly visible.

464. And then stop the boat, shove them in the water and make them swim.

465. That was really impressive. Are you gonna put that in your book?

466. I got to grab this. I'll meet you at the car rental.

467. Okay.

468. Hey, I was hoping I'd hear from you.

469. I'm in Hotlanta, and I need a rib-joint recommend bad.

470. Fat Matt's. Bring a bib.

471. You never called.

472. Well, I wasn't sure what was appropriate.

473. Appropriate?

474. Ryan, I'm not some waitress you banged in a snowstorm.

475. That word has no place in our vocabulary.

476. I am the woman that you don't have to worry about.

477. Sounds like a trap.

478. Listen, the next time that you're worried about manners, don't.

479. if you wanna call, call.

480. Just think of me as yourself, only with a vagina.

481. When am I gonna see you?

482. Well, I'm out of Hartsfield into lAD,

483. with a connection at ORD into SDF.

484. - Sorry. - Yeah, tell me about it.

485. How long's your layover? They got multiples into SDF.

486. Think you could push?

487. Yeah, I can push.

488. All you have to do today is watch and listen.

489. And when I talk about a strategy packet, hand them one of those.

490. Sounds great.

491. So, although I wish I were here with better news,

492. the fact is that you and I are sitting here today

493. because this will be your last week of employment at this company.

494. - Why me? - What am I supposed to do now?

495. Am I supposed to feel better that I'm not the only one losing my job?

496. This is ridiculous!

497. I have been a fine employee for over 10 years,

498. and this is the way you treat me.

499. How do you sleep at night, man? How?

500. How's your family? They sleeping well at night?

501. Electricity still on?

502. Heat still on? Refrigerator full of food?

503. Gas tank full of gas?

504. Going to Chuck E. Cheese this weekend or something?

505. Not me.

506. No, my kids, we're not gonna do anything.

507. What do you suggest I tell them?

508. Perhaps you're underestimating the positive effect

509. that your career transition can have on your children.

510. The positive effect?

511. I make about 90 grand a year now.

512. Unemployment is what, 250 bucks a week?

513. Is that one of your positive effects?

514. Well, we'll get to be cozier,

515. because I'm not gonna be able to pay my mortgage on my house.

516. So, maybe we can move into a nice fucking

517. one-bedroom apartment somewhere.

518. And I guess without benefits,

519. I'll be able to hold my daughter as she, you know, suffers from her asthma

520. that I won't be able to afford the medication for.

521. Well, tests have shown that children under moderate trauma

522. have a tendency to apply themselves academically

523. as a method of coping.

524. Go fuck yourself.

525. That's what my kids'll think.

526. Your children's admiration is important to you?

527. Yeah. Yeah, it was.

528. Well, I doubt they ever admired you, Bob.

529. Hey, asshole, aren't you supposed to be consoling me?

530. I'm not a shrink, Bob. I'm a wake-up call.

531. You know why kids love athletes?

532. I don't know. Because they screw lingerie models?

533. No, that's why we love athletes.

534. Kids love athletes because they follow their dreams.

535. - Well, I can't dunk. - No, but you can cook.

536. What are you talking about?

537. Your résumé says that you minored in French culinary arts.

538. Most students, they work on the fryer at KF C,

539. but you bussed tables at ll Picador to support yourself.

540. And then you get out of college and you come and you work here.

541. How much did they first pay you to give up on your dreams?

542. 27 grand a year.

543. And when were you going to stop

544. and come back and do what makes you happy?

545. Good question.

546. I see guys who work at the same company for their entire lives,

547. guys exactly like you.

548. They clock in, they clock out,

549. and they never have a moment of happiness.

550. You have an opportunity here, Bob.

551. This is a rebirth.

552. Now, if not for you, do it for your children.

553. He just waltzes in and cuts in line?

554. We reserve priority assistance for our Hilton Honors members.

555. The promotions are great. You should check it out.

556. Hungry much?

557. Our business expense allots $40 each for dinner.

558. I plan on grabbing as many miles as I can.

559. Okay, you got to fill me in on the miles thing.

560. What is that about?

561. Are you talking about, like, frequent flyer miles?

562. - You really want to know? - I'm dying to know.

563. I don't spend a nickel if I can help it

564. unless it somehow profits my mileage account.

565. So, what are you saving up for, Hawaii, South of France?

566. It's not like that. The miles are the goal.

567. That's it?

568. You're saving just to save?

569. Let's just say that I have a number in mind and I haven't hit it yet.

570. That's a little abstract. What's the target?

571. I'd rather not.

572. Is it a secret target?

573. It's 10 million miles.

574. Okay. Isn't 10 million just a number?

575. - Pi's just a number. - Well, we all need a hobby.

576. No, l... I don't mean to belittle your collection.

577. I get it. It sounds cool.

578. I'd be the seventh person to do it. More people have walked on the moon.

579. - Do they throw you a parade? - You get lifetime executive status.

580. You get to meet the chief pilot,

581. - Maynard Finch. - Wow.

582. And they put your name on the side of a plane.

583. Men get such hard-ons from putting their name on stuff.

584. You guys don't grow up. It's like you need to pee on everything.

585. Now who's stereotyping?

586. Fear of mortality. It's like, "Yeah, you're gonna die one day."

587. And why do you suppose that's singular to men?

588. Probably because you can't have babies.

589. The baby argument.

590. if I had that many miles,

591. I would show up at an airport,

592. look at the destination board, pick a place and go.

593. Thanks for the advice.

594. Oh, Jesus.

595. Okay. Closer.

596. Way closer.

597. Still closer.

598. Closer. Okay.

599. A little left.

600. Okay, down a little.

601. Too far. Up. Up one more inch.

602. I don't get it. Why does your sister want a fake photo?

603. My sister is kooky. She thinks this is charming.

604. It's like the gnome thing.

605. No, I mean, why would your sister want a fake photo

606. in front of the St. Louis airport?

607. Are you kidding, Lambert Field?

608. The Wright brothers flew through there.

609. That domed main terminal, it's the first of its kind.

610. It's a precursor from everything, from JFK to de Gaulle.

611. - Pretty sweet. - Just take the picture.

612. Well, that's a keeper.

613. Let me see it.

614. Why she wants dozens of reminders

615. of all the places she hasn't been is beyond me.

616. Well, I'm sure she'll be crushed for having missed this airport.

617. Look, before Lindbergh could cross the Atlantic,

618. he took off from one of those runways.

619. Do you ever wonder why they called it the Spirit of St. Louis?

620. - No. - Well...

621. Do you know how fucked this place is now?

622. I am the one thing, the one thing,

623. preventing this place from being totally fucked in the ass.

624. Sometimes they just need to vent.

625. Please, for the love of God, can I fire the next one?

626. - Miss Barnes, thank you for joining us. - I'm here to be fired, right?

627. Well, we're here to talk about your future.

628. You don't have to sugarcoat it. I get the drill.

629. What are they offering?

630. lnside the packet, you'll find a clearly worked out severance package.

631. Give me the bullet points.

632. It's actually pretty good.

633. Three months' pay, six months' medical

634. and a full year of placement services through our company, CT C.

635. Placement services. That's generous.

636. Commonly, it takes one month of searching for every $10,000

637. you expect to earn in salary.

638. So, I could be looking for a while.

639. - Not necessarily. - Don't even sweat it.

640. I'm pretty confident about my plans.

641. - Really? - Yeah.

642. There's this beautiful bridge by my house.

643. I'm gonna go jump off it.

644. Natalie.

645. Hey!

646. Natalie!

647. People say these things all the time.

648. It's part of the trade.

649. - They do? - Yeah.

650. I mean, they say crazy things.

651. They get worked up.

652. She was really calm.

653. I think that's a good sign.

654. So, they don't ever actually do it?

655. No. No, it's just talk.

656. How do you know? Do you follow up?

657. I mean, no. Nothing good's gonna come of that.

658. I wouldn't worry about it.

659. This is what we do, Natalie.

660. We take people at their most fragile, and we set them adrift.

661. You ready to go back in?

662. All right, let's go. Come on.

663. No, I'm fine. Tell me something sweet.

664. I'll be back soon.

665. I'm not really sure how long this whole exercise is supposed to last.

666. No, I don't even think of him that way. He's old.

667. I'm done?

668. I wasn't expecting this. Not at all.

669. Just like that?

670. I'm disappointed that I've given so much of my life...

671. This is not fair.

672. There are people that are gonna be way more qualified than me now.

673. I don't know what to do when I wake up in the morning tomorrow.

674. Are you okay?

675. - Are we going? - Yeah.

676. This is how I start every day of my life.

677. Now, this is gonna be a little difficult, so stay with me.

678. You have a new backpack.

679. Only this time, I want you to fill it with people.

680. Start with casual acquaintances, frriends of frriends,

681. folks around the office.

682. And then you move into the people

683. that you trust with your most intimate secrets.

684. Your cousins, your aunts, your uncles,

685. your brothers, your sisters, your parents.

686. And finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend or your girlfriend.

687. You get them into that backpack.

688. Don't worry. I'm not gonna ask you to light it on fire.

689. Feel the weight of that bag.

690. Make no mistake, your relationships are the heaviest

691. components in your life.

692. Do you feel the straps cutting into your shoulders?

693. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets and compromises.

694. You don't need to carry all that weight.

695. Why don't you set that bag down?

696. Some animals were meant to carry each other,

697. to live symbiotically for a lifetime.

698. Star-crossed lovers, monogamous swans.

699. We are not those animals.

700. The slower we move, the faster we die.

701. We are not swans.

702. We're sharks.

703. - Never? - No.

704. - Ever? - No.

705. - You never want to get married? - Nope.

706. - Never want kids? - Not a chance.

707. - Ever? - Never.

708. - Is that so bizarre? - Yes.

709. Yes, it is.

710. I just don't see the value in it.

711. - All right, sell it to me. - What?

712. Sell me marriage.

713. - Okay, how about love? - Okay.

714. Stability, just somebody you can count on.

715. How many stable marriages do you know?

716. Somebody to talk to, someone to spend your life with.

717. I'm surrounded by people to talk to. I doubt that's going to change.

718. How about just not dying alone?

719. Starting when I was 12,

720. we moved each one of my grandparents into a nursing facility.

721. My parents went the same way.

722. Make no mistake, we all die alone.

723. Now, those cult members in San Diego with the Kool-Aid and the sneakers,

724. they didn't die alone.

725. I'm just saying there are options.

726. Fuck.

727. Brian left me.

728. All right.

729. Okay, okay. All right.

730. All right.

731. Yeah.

732. Hey.

733. Natalie, this is Alex, my friend. This is Natalie.

734. I should give you both a moment.

735. No. No, that's fine.

736. I'm fine. It's a pleasure to meet you.

737. Maybe we should just all go up to our rooms and freshen up.

738. Or maybe a drink?

739. Now you're talking.

740. He broke up with you over text message?

741. It's kind of like firing someone over the lnternet.

742. What a weaselly prick.

743. Yeah. But what does that make me?

744. - Someone who falls for a prick. - We all fall for them.

745. Pricks are spontaneous, they're unpredictable, and they're fun.

746. And then we're surprised when they turn out to be pricks.

747. I followed him to Omaha.

748. You did?

749. I had a job waiting for me in San Francisco

750. when he got an offer from ConAgra.

751. He said we could start a life together.

752. So, I followed him.

753. To Nebraska?

754. I thought I'd be engaged by now.

755. No offense.

756. - None taken. - That's all right.

757. When I was 16, I thought by 23 I'd be married,

758. maybe have a kid,

759. corner office by day, entertaining at night.

760. I was supposed to be driving a Grand Cherokee by now.

761. Yeah, life can underwhelm you that way.

762. I mean, where did you think you'd be by...

763. It doesn't work that way.

764. At a certain point, you stop with the deadlines.

765. It can be a little counterproductive.

766. I don't want to say anything that's anti-feminist.

767. I really appreciate everything that your generation did for me.

768. - It was our pleasure. - Well done.

769. But sometimes it feels like no matter how much success I have,

770. it's not gonna matter until I find the right guy.

771. You really thought this guy was the one?

772. I could have made it work.

773. He... He really fit the bill.

774. - You know? - The bill?

775. White-collar, college grad,

776. loves dogs, likes funny movies, 6'1 ", brown hair, kind eyes,

777. works in finance but is outdoorsy, you know, on the weekends.

778. I always imagined he'd have a single syllable name like Matt or John or Dave.

779. In a perfect world, he drives a 4Runner.

780. And the only thing he loves more than me is his golden Lab.

781. And a nice smile.

782. - What about you? - Let me think.

783. You know, honestly, by the time you're 34,

784. all the physical requirements just go out the window.

785. I mean, like, you secretly pray that he'll be taller than you,

786. and not an asshole would be nice.

787. Just someone who enjoys my company, comes from a good family.

788. Because you don't think about that when you're younger.

789. I don't know. Someone who wants kids.

790. Likes kids. Wants kids.

791. Healthy enough to play with his kids.

792. Please let him earn more money than I do.

793. You might not understand that now, but believe me, you will one day.

794. Otherwise, that's a recipe for disaster.

795. And hopefully some hair on his head,

796. but, I mean, even that's not a deal breaker these days.

797. A nice smile.

798. Yeah, a nice smile. Nice smile just might do it.

799. Wow, that was depressing.

800. - I should just date women. - Tried it.

801. We're no picnic ourselves.

802. I don't mind being married to my career,

803. and I don't expect it to hold me in bed as I fall asleep.

804. I just don't want to settle.

805. You're young. Right now you see settling as some sort of a failure.

806. It is, by definition.

807. Yeah. But by the time someone is right for you, it won't feel like settling.

808. And the only person left to judge you

809. will be the 23-year-old girl with a target on your back.

810. So, what's the plan for the evening?

811. Well, we were gonna hit that party for the tech conference at the hotel.

812. I didn't know you could just attend those.

813. I thought you had to be registered.

814. Well, technically, I don't think

815. - it's open to the public. - Just gonna stop by.

816. You're gonna crash it?

817. - They throw a really nice party. - Well, they have more money

818. - than they know what to do with. - And they have a good time, usually.

819. No, no, I get it. I'm in.

820. Jennifer Chu?

821. - Shit! - It'll be fine.

822. Doing all right?

823. Yeah. This was a great idea.

824. You're so pretty.

825. You're exactly what I wanna look like in 15 years.

826. Thank you, Natalie.

827. You should dance.

828. - Come on. - No, no, no.

829. Come on.

830. - Hi. I'm Dave. - I'm Natalie.

831. Who's Jennifer?

832. I don't know.

833. All right. How's everybody doing out there?

834. All right. Right about now, give it up for a very special alphaTECH guest.

835. Young MC!

836. What's up, alphaTECH?

837. I got a busted computer at home. Can somebody fix it for me?

838. Bust a move!

839. - Say, "Yeah!" - Yeah!

840. - Say, "Oh, yeah!" - Oh, yeah!

841. - Say, "Bust a move!" - Bust a move!

842. - Let me hear you say, "Yeah!" - Yeah!

843. I want you to have a key to my place.

844. Wow. I had no idea we were at that point in our relationship.

845. - Yes. - Wow.

846. Where is she?

847. Lying in my bed I hear the

848. Clock tick and think of you

849. Caught up in circles

850. Confusion is nothing new

851. FIash back

852. To warm nights

853. AImost left behind

854. Suitcase of memories

855. Time after

856. Sometimes you picture me...

857. Back home I don't get to act the way I do with you.

858. - That's why I don't have a back home. - I know.

859. You're so cool.

860. Mr. Empty Backpack.

861. - You know about my backpack? - I googled you.

862. You did?

863. It's what us modern girls do when we have a crush.

864. Did it bother you?

865. It depends.

866. ls the bag empty because you hate people

867. or because you hate the baggage that they come along with?

868. I don't hate people. I'm not exactly a hermit.

869. You just don't want to be tied down with the whole responsibility thing?

870. I don't know what originally sparked the backpack.

871. Probably needed to be alone.

872. Recently, I've been thinking that I needed to empty the backpack

873. before I knew what to put back in it.

874. - Oh, no! - I think we're out of gas.

875. Hey. You're up?

876. Yeah, I have to fly standby and make a meeting in Cincinnati.

877. Okay.

878. I made you feel cheap.

879. It's all right. Just leave the money on the dresser.

880. I'll text you later so we can swap schedules.

881. Hey.

882. I really like you.

883. - I like you, too. - Good.

884. Go catch your plane.

885. Last night...

886. It was kind of out of hand, and I said things...

887. I'm not actually sure of everything that I said,

888. - but I didn't want you to think... - Just relax.

889. It was nice to see you cut loose.

890. So, did you wake him up or slip out?

891. - What? - This morning. Your new friend.

892. Did you wake him up for an awkward goodbye

893. or did you just slip out and make him feel like a whore?

894. - I just left. - Protocol's always tricky.

895. What happened to Alex?

896. She had to leave town early to get to a meeting.

897. - That's too bad. Where does she live? - Chicago.

898. Thinking of going to see her?

899. We don't really have that kind of relationship. Try right over there.

900. That direction.

901. What kind of relationship do you have?

902. Well, you know, casual.

903. - Sounds pretty special. - It works for us.

904. Don't you think there's a future there?

905. I never really thought about it. What's going on here?

906. - Really never thought about it? - No.

907. How can you not think about that?

908. How does it not even cross your mind

909. that you might want a future with someone?

910. It's simple. You know that moment when you look into somebody's eyes

911. and you can feel them staring into your soul

912. and the whole world goes quiet just for a second?

913. - Yes. - Right. Well, I don't.

914. - You're an asshole. - No.

915. Look, I'm just dicking around. Come on. Give me a hand.

916. Don't you think it's worth giving her a chance?

917. - A chance to what? - A chance at something real.

918. Natalie, your definition of real is going to evolve as you get older.

919. Can you stop condescending for one second

920. or is that one of the principles of your bullshit philosophy?

921. - Bullshit philosophy? - The isolation, the traveling.

922. - Is that supposed to be charming? - No, it's simply a life choice.

923. - It's a cocoon of self-banishment. - Wow. Big words.

924. Screw you.

925. Screw you, too.

926. You have set up a way of life that basically makes it impossible

927. for you to have any kind of human connection.

928. And now this woman comes along

929. and somehow runs the gauntlet of your ridiculous life choice

930. and comes out on the other end smiling just so you can call her "casual"?

931. I need to grow up? You're a 12-year-old.

932. I don't have a gauntlet...

933. Fuck.

934. Now, listen, these Detroit guys can be tough.

935. They've been getting hammered.

936. So, you don't get distracted. Stick with the simple stuff.

937. You get these packets in their hand and you get them out the door, okay?

938. Hey, welcome to Detroit.

939. What's going on here?

940. I've been looking at those great numbers over the last few days.

941. I thought maybe we should just nut up and give this a try.

942. We could use a little more time.

943. Well, you got to leave the nest at some point, huh?

944. This is a real company, Craig. We're here to do some damage.

945. I know. It's a good thing we brought our best, okay.

946. Let's stop screwing around.

947. All right. Just give me a minute to prepare and get my things together.

948. I was thinking that Natalie was going to take this one.

949. She's hardly ready for that.

950. I've been watching her results the last few days. She's great.

951. This is a whole other animal.

952. You know, she created it and everything, right?

953. Natalie, are you not up for it?

954. - Yeah, I'm game. - That's my girl.

955. Just remember, don't apologize, don't tell them how hard this is for you.

956. Today's one of the worst days they're ever gonna have in their life.

957. How we feel doesn't even compare.

958. - Got it. - All right. Just keep it professional.

959. You'll be fine.

960. What's all this? What's going on?

961. Hello, Mr. Samuels. I wish I were here with better news.

962. However, your position here at Wertheimer's is no longer available.

963. What are you talking about?

964. You've been let go.

965. Just like that?

966. Who are you?

967. My name is Miss Keener,

968. and I'm here today to talk about your options.

969. I worked for this company for 17 years

970. and they send a fourth-grader to can me?

971. What the fuck is this?

972. It's perfectly normal to be upset.

973. However, the sooner you can tell yourself that greater

974. - opportunities are waiting for you... - Greater opportunities?

975. I'm 57 fucking years old.

976. Anybody who ever built an empire or changed the world

977. sat where you are now.

978. And it's because they sat there that they were able to do it.

979. There's a packet in front of you. I want you to take some time and review it.

980. All the answers you're looking for are inside those pages.

981. The sooner you trust the process,

982. the sooner the next step of your life will unveil itself.

983. I need you to go back to your office now

984. and start putting together your personal things.

985. Mr. Samuels, that's all we can discuss now.

986. Mr. Samuels.

987. Mr. Samuels!

988. You did good.

989. You okay? You want me to take over?

990. No, I'm all right.

991. No. Look, we just got here.

992. That's one place. I think we need to try a few more.

993. Maybe it doesn't make a difference,

994. but it's comforting to know that we're in the next room.

995. I know you don't give a shit about my comfort.

996. I think we could try a few more, that's all I'm saying.

997. Fine.

998. All right. Okay. All right.

999. He thought you did a great job. You did. I'm real proud of you.

1000. Thanks.

1001. They're pulling us off the road.

1002. We're going home.

1003. Really? For good?

1004. Yeah.

1005. Good job.

1006. I'm sorry about what I said about Alex. That was out of line.

1007. It's all right. I understand.

1008. I mean, who am I to be doling out relationship advice, right?

1009. No kidding.

1010. Are you gonna be okay?

1011. - What do you mean? - In Omaha?

1012. I don't know.

1013. It's better than you'd think.

1014. Ryan.

1015. Ryan. Where are you going?

1016. I'm grabbing another flight. Something I've got to take care of.

1017. I'll see you back at home.

1018. Okay, just walk it in a little.

1019. A little more.

1020. There you go. Yeah.

1021. Got it.

1022. They're a cute couple.

1023. - You think so? - Yeah, they'll make cute kids.

1024. How do you like Wisconsin in February?

1025. I like it if you're there.

1026. And I know a killer burger in Milwaukee.

1027. Northern Wisconsin.

1028. What are you doing this weekend?

1029. - No. - What, I haven't...

1030. - Well, you want me to be your date? - Yeah. Yeah.

1031. - At your sister's wedding? - It's not like I know her that well.

1032. Look, I'm not the wedding type, right?

1033. But for the first time in my life, I don't want to be that guy alone at a bar.

1034. I want a dance partner. I want a "plus one."

1035. And if you can stomach it, I'd like it to be you.

1036. Excuse me. Are you available?

1037. This line's for members of our Matterhorn Program.

1038. Hey. Ryan.

1039. - Hey. - Kara. Hi.

1040. - Hi. - Hey. Hi.

1041. Alex, this is my sister Kara.

1042. - Hi. - Well, hello.

1043. Ryan's told me nothing about you.

1044. So, you two are dating?

1045. - Not exactly. - Well, hey, don't worry about it.

1046. We're all getting a little old to be calling someone girlfriend.

1047. I remember when Mom used to call Jack her boyfriend.

1048. God. Drove me up the wall. Boyfriends are for kids, right?

1049. So, what are you doing at the hotel?

1050. Yeah. Okay, Frank and I are trying out a trial separation.

1051. I'm sorry. So, you're not staying at the house?

1052. No, there was a room on hold here,

1053. so I thought I'd just take it for the weekend.

1054. - So, the rehearsal dinner. - Yeah, tonight. I'll see you two there.

1055. Nice digs.

1056. There's a packet.

1057. Hey, look who's here.

1058. - Oh, my God! - He finally made it.

1059. - Oh, my God! Ryan! - Hey.

1060. Hi.

1061. - You must be Alex. - Yes, I am. Hi. How are you?

1062. - You are so beautiful. Kara was right. - Thank you.

1063. Gosh. You look so grown-up.

1064. I do? You're the one that's getting married.

1065. I know, right?

1066. You haven't even seen my ring.

1067. - Look at that. - It's lovely.

1068. - Jim designed it. - That's...

1069. Hey, Jim.

1070. - Hey. - How's it going?

1071. - Hey. I'm Ryan. - Jim. Good to meet you.

1072. - Alex. Pleasure. - Pleasure.

1073. Thank you, guys, for coming.

1074. Brother!

1075. - It's true, though. - Yeah, it's crazy.

1076. I got the pictures you asked me to get.

1077. You can just put them right there.

1078. Yeah, okay.

1079. You got so many of them up there, I almost didn't have room.

1080. I know. It's so great. Everyone just chipped in.

1081. What gave you the idea to do something so...

1082. Substantial.

1083. Well, Jim has a lot of our nest egg invested in this real estate venture.

1084. It's a real estate investment.

1085. It's exciting, but we went over our finances and...

1086. A honeymoon just kind of at this state in the game

1087. just doesn't really seem affordable.

1088. So, you know, we just thought,

1089. "Just because we can't travel doesn't mean we can't have pictures."

1090. - No, I think that's a fabulous idea. - Yeah, it's a good one.

1091. I mean, the concept is turnkey everything.

1092. Okay? You buy a maintenance contract when you get the home.

1093. You know, we'll whack your weeds, we'll change your light bulbs.

1094. Furniture, you can bring your own

1095. or else you can pick one of our beautiful packages.

1096. Seamless traditionalism, yet all the perks.

1097. Nice.

1098. And we all need a place to call our own.

1099. This is America. This is what we were promised.

1100. - It's a nice touch. - What?

1101. The bit at the end about the promise. I like that part.

1102. Thanks.

1103. You... You still renting that one-bedroom?

1104. - No. I gave it up. - So, you own now?

1105. - No. - But you're looking?

1106. No, not really.

1107. So, you're just good?

1108. I'm good.

1109. Well, that's good.

1110. Can you believe it's tomorrow? How are you gonna sleep?

1111. I don't know.

1112. - Well, do you want some Xanax? - I don't think that's for sleeping.

1113. Yeah. No, I think I'll just have a glass of warm milk.

1114. - That'll do the trick. - Okay. See you tomorrow.

1115. - Okay. - Bye.

1116. Bye.

1117. Hey. There's another box inside.

1118. - I'll grab it. - You sure?

1119. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1120. - Jim seems like a good guy. - Yeah, isn't he great?

1121. He's going to make a great husband.

1122. You know, Julie, I was thinking,

1123. you know, with Dad not being here,

1124. I was wondering if you had anybody to walk you down the aisle.

1125. Yeah.

1126. No, Jim's uncle is gonna do it.

1127. He's been really supportive.

1128. He's been great.

1129. Well, good. That's great. I just wanted to make sure that you...

1130. I wanted you to be covered, that's all.

1131. So, I should be there, what?

1132. Yeah, the guests are arriving around 5:00,

1133. and things get going at 5:30, so around then.

1134. Okay.

1135. Let me... I'm gonna help you with those.

1136. Got it.

1137. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

1138. None of that was here.

1139. This is all new.

1140. Really?

1141. - Is that all you got? - What?

1142. Give me a boost.

1143. Watch...

1144. Hang on.

1145. I took Geography in here.

1146. You ever fool around with one of your teachers?

1147. - No. Did you? - No. Not until college.

1148. That's me on the right.

1149. It's kind of hard to tell.

1150. You can tell by the eyebrows.

1151. - You played basketball? - I was a point guard.

1152. Don't act so surprised.

1153. I didn't know you were such a jock.

1154. That's me, too.

1155. And that.

1156. - My first fight. - How'd it go?

1157. Got my ass kicked.

1158. This is where we used to go to make out.

1159. Yes. Yeah. This is very romantic.

1160. Go, Cougars!

1161. I'm really happy I came here.

1162. So am l.

1163. It's Kara.

1164. - Hey. - Ryan, where are you?

1165. We're having a meltdown here.

1166. What's going on? What happened?

1167. It's Jim. Can you get back here? We need your help.

1168. Okay.

1169. We got to go.

1170. - I'll grab your suit. - Thanks.

1171. - What happened? - Jim's got cold feet.

1172. - Today? - Yeah, that's how cold feet work.

1173. - What do you want me to do? - Talk to him.

1174. - You want me to talk to him? - Hey, it's either you or me.

1175. You know my track record. I've already struck out once.

1176. I haven't been to bat. I haven't been in the dugout.

1177. Don't you talk for a living? Motivational-type stuff?

1178. I tell people how to avoid commitment.

1179. What kind of fucked-up message is that?

1180. - It's a philosophy. - It's stupid.

1181. Hey, it could have helped you.

1182. Ryan, you haven't been around much. Fuck, basically, you don't exist to us.

1183. I know you wanna be there for her.

1184. Well, here it is. This is your chance.

1185. Hey. What's up, Ryan?

1186. - Jim. - You ever read this before?

1187. - Yeah, it's pretty powerful stuff. - Yeah, I'll say.

1188. Kara mentioned that you were having some thoughts.

1189. I don't think I'm gonna be able to do this.

1190. And why would you say that today?

1191. Well, last night I was kind of laying in bed and I couldn't get to sleep,

1192. so I started thinking about the wedding and the ceremony,

1193. and about our buying a house and moving in together,

1194. and having a kid and then having another kid.

1195. And then Christmas and Thanksgiving and spring break

1196. and going to football games. And then, all of a sudden, they're graduating,

1197. they're getting jobs, and they're getting married,

1198. and, you know, I'm a grandparent.

1199. And then I'm retired. I'm losing my hair. I'm getting fat.

1200. And then the next thing you know, I'm dead.

1201. I'm just, like... I can't stop from thinking, "What's the point?"

1202. - I mean, what is the point? - The point?

1203. Yeah, I mean, what am I starting here?

1204. Jim, it's marriage.

1205. It's one of the most beautiful things on earth. It's what people aspire to.

1206. - You never got married. - That's true.

1207. - I mean, you never even tried. - Well, it's hard to define try.

1208. I don't know, just...

1209. You seem happier than all my married friends.

1210. Look, Jim, I'm not gonna lie to you. Marriage can be a pain in the ass.

1211. And you're kind of right. This all is just stuff that leads to your eventual demise.

1212. - Yes. - And we're all on running clocks,

1213. and they can't be slowed down or paused,

1214. and, you know, we all end up in the same place.

1215. Yeah.

1216. There is no point.

1217. There is no point. That's what I'm saying.

1218. You know,

1219. I'm not normally the guy you would talk to about stuff like this.

1220. if you think about it,

1221. your favorite memories, the most important moments in your life,

1222. were you alone?

1223. No, I guess not.

1224. Hey, come to think of it, last night, the night before your wedding,

1225. when all this shit is swirling around in your head,

1226. weren't you guys sleeping in separate bedrooms?

1227. Yeah, Julie went back to the apartment,

1228. and I was just by myself in the honeymoon suite.

1229. - Kind of lonely, huh? - Yes, it was pretty lonely.

1230. - Life's better with company. - Yeah.

1231. Everybody needs a co-pilot.

1232. - That was a nice touch. - Thanks.

1233. - So, what's the mood like out there? - It's not good.

1234. - She's pretty pissed? - She's upset.

1235. What should I do?

1236. Go get her.

1237. I'm such a fuck-up. I love you so much.

1238. Will you be my co-pilot?

1239. Yes. Yes.

1240. Welcome home.

1241. Okay, this is your stop.

1242. - When am I gonna see you? - You're just gonna have to come visit.

1243. So settled.

1244. You're not gonna change on me, are you?

1245. No. Same guy. Just one address.

1246. This is your final boarding call

1247. for American Airlines flight number 3972 to Chicago.

1248. All right. Call me when you get lonely.

1249. I'm lonely.

1250. Some guy sits down in a conference room somewhere

1251. and our server routes his session to one of our termination engineers.

1252. "Termination engineers"? Really?

1253. I preferred "terminators," but it bumped with Legal.

1254. Can't imagine why.

1255. They follow a workflow that takes them through anything

1256. from a standard dismissal to a violent aggressor.

1257. What are they doing now? Are they practicing?

1258. Well, beta testing, role-playing. We go live at the end of the month.

1259. Kyle, you're running through the events too quickly.

1260. You need to give them time to acknowledge each statement, okay?

1261. It's a legal thing.

1262. - Ryan? - Yeah. There's more?

1263. This is ridiculous.

1264. But, you know, Legal's really starting to come hard at me

1265. on this term "terminate," so...

1266. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together

1267. for today's challenge speaker, Mr. Ryan Bingham.

1268. Go get them.

1269. Last year, I flew 350,000 miles.

1270. The moon is 250.

1271. I want you to imagine for a second that you're carrying a backpack.

1272. I want you to feel the straps on your shoulders.

1273. You feel them?

1274. Now I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life.

1275. Start with the Iittle things, the things on shelves and in drawers.

1276. Excuse me.

1277. What the fuck are you doing?

1278. Okay, everyone, just relax.

1279. - Hey, you gotta sign. - Thought I did that already.

1280. - Okay, thank you. - All right.

1281. Hey, you forgot to give me your Hertz No.1 Gold Card!

1282. So, I was in the neighborhood.

1283. Hey! Hey, wait! Wait, wait.

1284. - Hey, honey, who's at the door? - It's just somebody who's lost.

1285. Alex?

1286. What were you thinking, showing up at my door like that?

1287. What do you mean? l... I wanted to see you.

1288. I didn't know you had a family. Why wouldn't you tell me that?

1289. Look, I'm sorry I ruined your evening,

1290. but, I mean, you could have seriously screwed things up for me.

1291. That's my family. That's my real life.

1292. I thought I was a part of your real life.

1293. I thought we signed up for the same thing.

1294. Try and help me understand exactly what it is that you signed up for.

1295. I thought our relationship was perfectly clear.

1296. I mean, you are an escape.

1297. You're a break from our normal lives. You're a parenthesis.

1298. I'm a parenthesis?

1299. I mean...

1300. What do you want? Tell me what you want.

1301. You don't even know what you want.

1302. I'm a grown-up, okay?

1303. So, if you would like to see me again, then give me a call.

1304. Okay?

1305. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special announcement to make.

1306. Our pilot has just informed me that we are passing over the city of Dubuque,

1307. which might not mean much to most of you,

1308. but means a lot to one of our flyers today.

1309. - Oh, no. - Because he just hit 10 million miles!

1310. Congratulations.

1311. - Such an amazing accomplishment. - You must be very, very excited.

1312. - Hi, Captain. - Captain.

1313. That seat taken?

1314. No. No.

1315. You're the youngest yet to hit 10 mil.

1316. - Don't know where you found the time. - Yeah. I don't know.

1317. Oh, yeah.

1318. Here you go.

1319. Seventh card we've made. Small club.

1320. We really appreciate your loyalty.

1321. You know how many times I thought about this moment?

1322. Played out the conversation that you and I would have right here.

1323. Really?

1324. What did you want to say?

1325. You know, I don't remember.

1326. That's all right. It happens to all of us.

1327. So, where are you from?

1328. I'm from here.

1329. Hello, Mr. Bingham.

1330. - How did you know it was me? - This is your dedicated line.

1331. We reserve them for our most loyal and appreciated flyers.

1332. I'd like to transfer some of my miles.

1333. Can I open up an account to Jim and Julie Miller?

1334. Certainly. How many miles would you like to transfer?

1335. How many miles does it take to circle the globe?

1336. We have our round-the-world tickets. They're 500,000 miles each.

1337. - That'd be fine. - Got a second?

1338. I'll call you back.

1339. What the hell happened to you yesterday?

1340. I was trying to get hold of you all day.

1341. I was... Some personal stuff. What's going on?

1342. Do you remember Karen Barnes,

1343. part of a 30-person reduction a few weeks back in Wichita?

1344. Natalie fired her.

1345. I fire dozens of people a day. L...

1346. She killed herself, jumped off a bridge.

1347. Fuck.

1348. I need to know

1349. if you remember any woman that gave you any signals, depression...

1350. They're all depressed. We're firing them.

1351. Hey, I need to ask you this stuff, okay?

1352. No, I don't remember anything. You never think that they're...

1353. You don't remember any woman that gave you any signals?

1354. - Anything at all, Ryan? - No, nothing stands out.

1355. - Natalie all right? - Natalie quit.

1356. - She quit? - Text message.

1357. Yeah, fucking nice, right? No one's got any manners anymore.

1358. - She say where she was going? - No. She was a little upset.

1359. I should give her a call.

1360. I need you back in the air.

1361. Hey, did you hear what I said? I thought you'd be thrilled about that.

1362. It's fine. What about the videoconferencing?

1363. CT C is going to pause the new-media front.

1364. They're gonna give it some more thought.

1365. We are gonna get our workhorses back in the air,

1366. doing what they do best, okay?

1367. - How long are you sending me out? - We're gonna let you sail and sail.

1368. You send us a postcard if you ever get there.

1369. So, what happened?

1370. - How exactly do you mean? - You graduated top of your class.

1371. You seemed to have your pick of employment, including right here.

1372. lnstead you went to Omaha to fire people for a living?

1373. - It's challenging work. - I'll say.

1374. I can't imagine doing that day in, day out.

1375. Not in this climate.

1376. I followed a boy.

1377. Well, I guess everybody does that at one point or another.

1378. This guy says I'd be lucky to have you.

1379. To whom it may concern,

1380. I can't even count the number of people I've fired in my lifetime.

1381. So many that I've actually forgotten what it's like to hire somebody.

1382. We've never met, but I know you'd be lucky to have Natalie Keener.

1383. My advice? Take her and don't look back.

1384. She'll be the best decision you've made in a long time.

1385. I sure hope he's right.

1386. Well, I don't have a lot of hope,

1387. and I really don't know when it's gonna get better.

1388. There's a lot of people unemployed,

1389. and I really don't know when there's gonna be light at the end of the tunnel.

1390. I can't find much to talk about.

1391. Talk about being proud. I'm proud of my kids.

1392. I think the anger comes from the fact that I just wasn't needed anymore.

1393. I would say, you know,

1394. without my friends and my family, I wouldn't have made it.

1395. It would have been a lot tougher if I would have had to make it on my own.

1396. When I wake up in the morning and I look over and I see my wife,

1397. that gives me the sense of purpose.

1398. It's not all about the money. Money can keep you warm.

1399. It pays your heating bills, you know. It can buy you a blanket.

1400. But it's not as... Doesn't keep you as warm as when my husband holds me.

1401. Let me get up. Let me get out. Let me find something.

1402. So, my kids are my purpose, my family.

1403. Tonight most people will be welcomed home

1404. byjumping dogs and squealing kids.

1405. Their spouses will ask about their day, and tonight they'll sleep.

1406. The stars will wheel forth from their daytime hiding places.

1407. And one of those lights, slightly brighter than the rest,

1408. will be my wingtip passing over.

1409. Hi, Jason. My name is Kevin,

1410. and I recently lost my job.

1411. I wrote this song as sort of a statement about uncertainty

1412. and having a certain amount of anxiety about the future.

1413. So, maybe you can use it in your movie.