1. Señor...Copy !req
2. we must not
go any further.Copy !req
3. Look!Copy !req
4. It is an ancient,
sacred Hovitos symbol.Copy !req
5. It's certain death
for anyone who enters.Copy !req
6. We must turn back...Copy !req
7. now!Copy !req
8. - Ahh!Copy !req
9. Ugh!Copy !req
10. Ugh!Copy !req
11. George.Copy !req
12. Hello?Copy !req
13. Earth to George.Copy !req
14. - George!
- Ahh!Copy !req
15. Are you
daydreaming again?Copy !req
16. No, no, I was just admiring
how clean and shiny this grill is.Copy !req
17. Come on, George.
We're busy here.Copy !req
18. You know what
the problem is?Copy !req
19. Nobody here appreciates
a guy with a good imagination.Copy !req
20. Well, at least not the
people at the lumber yardCopy !req
21. or the miniature golf course
or Floyd's Fish Market,Copy !req
22. or any of the other places you worked
in the last month, right?Copy !req
23. Yeah. Well, someday—
someday they'll be sorry.Copy !req
24. They'll be eating
breakfast or somethingCopy !req
25. and all of a sudden,
they'll say,Copy !req
26. "Hey!
We screwed up!Copy !req
27. We never should have
fired George NewmanCopy !req
28. because he's got
imagination."Copy !req
29. Well, I think the fries
are just about done.Copy !req
30. Aw, jeez, you better not
let Big Edna see that.Copy !req
31. - She'll have a fit.
- Big Edna, Big Edna.Copy !req
32. You sound like
a broken record.Copy !req
33. Why are you so afraid
of that pathetic tub of lard?Copy !req
34. Whoa!Copy !req
35. Ahh!Copy !req
36. How could you
do this to me?Copy !req
37. I knew this was
gonna happen.Copy !req
38. You're right, Bob.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
39. What can I say?Copy !req
40. I'm a miserable,
worthless hunk of slime.Copy !req
41. Here.Copy !req
42. I want you to take
this crowbar and...Copy !req
43. just bash my
head right in!Copy !req
44. Go ahead, really. Please.
Just bash it right in!Copy !req
45. Ah, George, you know
I couldn't do that.Copy !req
46. You still owe
me five bucks.Copy !req
47. - Man: Wah-hoo!Copy !req
48. Ahh!Copy !req
49. Hey, Kuni.Copy !req
50. Hiya, George.Copy !req
51. Beginner's class
today, huh?Copy !req
52. Yeah.
They're so stupid!Copy !req
53. Oh!Copy !req
54. Stupid!Copy !req
55. Mm, boy!Copy !req
56. Look what I got
here, Bob.Copy !req
57. A twinkie-wiener
sandwich!Copy !req
58. Your favorite.Copy !req
59. Come on, Bob.
Cheer up, will you?Copy !req
60. You ruined my life.Copy !req
61. You know, Bob-o,Copy !req
62. I think you're developing
a bad attitude here.Copy !req
63. You see, Bob...Copy !req
64. you gotta look
at the big picture.Copy !req
65. You gotta grab
life by the lipsCopy !req
66. and yank as
hard as you can!Copy !req
67. See anything
in the want ads?Copy !req
68. Yeah. But nothing with the prestige
of working at Burger World.Copy !req
69. So what do you think
Teri's gonna sayCopy !req
70. when she
hears you got fired again?Copy !req
71. Teri? Oh, no.
What time is it?Copy !req
72. 7:30? Oh boy, I gotta go.
I'll see you later, Bob.Copy !req
73. Stupid!Copy !req
74. So, what's your
excuse this time?Copy !req
75. Well, Bob and I were havingCopy !req
76. a serious discussion
about our various career options.Copy !req
77. Boy, I really like
what you've done with your hair.Copy !req
78. - It's really—
- George, did you get fired again?Copy !req
79. Yes! Yes!
It's all true!Copy !req
80. I just don't know
what's wrong with me!Copy !req
81. So, what's for dinner?Copy !req
82. Mashed potatoes?
My favorite!Copy !req
83. Teri, you
shouldn't have.Copy !req
84. George!Copy !req
85. When are you gonna start taking things
a little more seriously?Copy !req
86. I mean, you've been
wandering aimlesslyCopy !req
87. from job to job ever
since I've known you.Copy !req
88. If you could just get
that overactive imagination of yoursCopy !req
89. to work for you
instead of against you,Copy !req
90. maybe you could...Copy !req
91. What are you doing?Copy !req
92. This means something.Copy !req
93. This is important.Copy !req
94. Oh, George,
that is just terrible.Copy !req
95. But don't you worry,Copy !req
96. you're a fine young man.Copy !req
97. I'm sure you'll get
another job right away.Copy !req
98. You got such
a good face.Copy !req
99. Look at this face.Copy !req
100. Would you look
at this face?Copy !req
101. Is this a face
you could die for?Copy !req
102. So, where's Uncle Harvey?
I haven't seen him all night.Copy !req
103. Oh, he'll be out soon.Copy !req
104. I think he's having some sort of
last-minute business meeting.Copy !req
105. Two pair,
aces high.Copy !req
106. Yeah, what?Copy !req
107. Hey, Louie.Copy !req
108. I just wanted to congratulate you,
Mr. Bilchik.Copy !req
109. You did very well
at the track this afternoon.Copy !req
110. Oh, yeah?
I won again, huh?Copy !req
111. Right. Yeah.
Thanks, Louie. Bye.Copy !req
112. Now, what are we
doing here?Copy !req
113. it's your deal, Harvey.Copy !req
114. Oh, hi, honey.Copy !req
115. Have you finished
your meeting?Copy !req
116. Oh, yeah, yeah,Copy !req
117. and business
was great tonight.Copy !req
118. Harvey, have you
been gambling again?Copy !req
119. Hey! What are you
complaining about?Copy !req
120. This is for when you go
shopping on Rodeo Drive.Copy !req
121. What's this?Copy !req
122. Oh, that's the deed
to Channel 62.Copy !req
123. I won it with a pair of sevens.
I was bluffing.Copy !req
124. Channel 62?Copy !req
125. - Never heard of it.
- I'm not surprised.Copy !req
126. More people watch
the fish tank at Leo's pet store.Copy !req
127. It's a little UHF station
on the edge of town.Copy !req
128. It's been on the brink
of bankruptcy for years.Copy !req
129. - It's too bad I gotta dump it.
- Oh, really?Copy !req
130. I kind of like the idea of us
having our own TV station.Copy !req
131. Forget about it.Copy !req
132. They can't even find anybody
to manage the place anymore.Copy !req
133. Harvey, I know somebody
who'd be perfect for the job.Copy !req
134. Oh, yeah?
Who's that?Copy !req
135. George! George, dear,
can you come over here for a second?Copy !req
136. Oh, no.Copy !req
137. No, not him.
Forget it. No way.Copy !req
138. I can't believe
your Uncle Harvey'sCopy !req
139. letting you run
his TV station.Copy !req
140. Hey, he trusts me.Copy !req
141. Besides, he's going
to California.Copy !req
142. He doesn't want
to be bothered with it.Copy !req
143. Well, here we are.Copy !req
144. This is it?Copy !req
145. Wow, this is even
better than I imagined!Copy !req
146. Come on.
Let's go check it out.Copy !req
147. I don't know,
George.Copy !req
148. I'm not so sure
about this.Copy !req
149. See?
The front door's open.Copy !req
150. It's a friendly place.Copy !req
151. Hey, mister!Copy !req
152. Change?
You got change?Copy !req
153. Oh, um... sure.Copy !req
154. 85...Copy !req
155. 95...Copy !req
156. one dollar!Copy !req
157. Thanks, mister.Copy !req
158. Voice on TV:
Hello. I'm Mr. Ed.Copy !req
159. Can I help you?Copy !req
160. Who are you?Copy !req
161. I'm Philo.Copy !req
162. Chief engineer.Copy !req
163. So...Copy !req
164. isn't it a little late
for you to be working?Copy !req
165. I mean, what time do
you normally go home?Copy !req
166. This is my home.
I live here.Copy !req
167. Hold these.Copy !req
168. No, no,
like this.Copy !req
169. What are you doing?Copy !req
170. Oh, I just want to see
if my interociterCopy !req
171. can withstand a sudden charge
of 60,000 volts.Copy !req
172. What?
Ahh!Copy !req
173. Yeah...Copy !req
174. it works.Copy !req
175. I don't know about this, George.
I mean, I don't know the first thingCopy !req
176. about what goes on
at a television station.Copy !req
177. Don't worry, Bob.
It's just like working in a fish market,Copy !req
178. except you don't have to
clean and gut fish all day.Copy !req
179. Yeah, so?
Can I help you?Copy !req
180. Hi. I'm George Newman.Copy !req
181. I'm the new
station manager.Copy !req
182. You know, when I first
took this job,Copy !req
183. they told me that
this position was only temporaryCopy !req
184. and that eventually,
when the time was right,Copy !req
185. I would be moved up to news,
which is really my forte.Copy !req
186. You know how long
I've been working here?Copy !req
187. Two years!Copy !req
188. It's kind of hard
to get promotedCopy !req
189. when every other week
you have a new boss!Copy !req
190. This job really sucks.Copy !req
191. And this is my
friend Bob.Copy !req
192. Hi.
Nice to meet you.Copy !req
193. Howdy, friends.
It's Crazy ErnieCopy !req
194. from Crazy Ernie's
Used Car Emporium.Copy !req
195. It's a giant
supermarket of cars!Copy !req
196. I got so many cars
people come up to me and say,Copy !req
197. "Hey, Crazy Ernie,
where'd you get all those cars?"Copy !req
198. Lookie here!
I got red cars, I got green cars!Copy !req
199. I got enough cars
to choke a camel!Copy !req
200. Tell you what, friends,Copy !req
201. if nobody comes down and buys
a car from me in the next hour,Copy !req
202. I'm gonna club
this baby seal!Copy !req
203. That's right! I'm gonna club a seal
to make a better deal!Copy !req
204. You know I'll do it, too,Copy !req
205. 'cause I'm crazy!
Ha ha ha!Copy !req
206. Look at all the old reruns
this station is airing.Copy !req
207. We could sure use
some more live shows.Copy !req
208. I don't know,
something like, uh—Copy !req
209. Oh, no!Copy !req
210. You okay in there, Pam?Copy !req
211. Yes. It's just if it's not
one thing, it's another.Copy !req
212. You know, that mailman's
really got a screw loose.Copy !req
213. He delivers us this package.
It's supposed to go to R.J. Fletcher.Copy !req
214. Who?Copy !req
215. R.J. Fletcher.
He runs Channel 8,Copy !req
216. you know, the network
affiliate downtown?Copy !req
217. Oh, well, I guess I'll just have to
send it back to him tomorrow.Copy !req
218. No. That's okay.
I-I'll take it over myself.Copy !req
219. It'll be a good chance
to meet the competition.Copy !req
220. You know, George,
I'll tell you,Copy !req
221. I don't really think
that's such a good idea.Copy !req
222. I heard he's not
the nicest guy in the world.Copy !req
223. Oh, come on.
He can't be all that bad.Copy !req
224. You just gotta know
how to talk to those guys.Copy !req
225. You idiot! Can't you
do anything I tell you to do?Copy !req
226. Does this look like
a No. 2 pencil?Copy !req
227. - No. I just thought—
- You thought?Copy !req
228. I don't pay
you to think!Copy !req
229. - But, Dad—
- Shut up!Copy !req
230. Let's get back to the meeting.Copy !req
231. All right, who's got
the research report?Copy !req
232. I left the report
on your desk, sir.Copy !req
233. I don't see it.
When did you put it here?Copy !req
234. Yesterday
before I left, sir.Copy !req
235. The janitor.
It must have been the janitor.Copy !req
236. He probably threw it out
when he was cleaning up in here.Copy !req
237. Send in the janitor.Copy !req
238. I'm gonna get to
the bottom of this.Copy !req
239. I will not tolerate
this kind of behavior at Channel 8.Copy !req
240. This is a business,
not a homeCopy !req
241. for irresponsible
pus-brains!Copy !req
242. Uh... you wanted
to see me, sir?Copy !req
243. That's right.Copy !req
244. I guess you know
why I called you in here.Copy !req
245. Uh... because you're lonely?Copy !req
246. No, you moron.Copy !req
247. Oh, duh.Copy !req
248. Now, look carefully.Copy !req
249. Do you see anything
missing from this desk?Copy !req
250. Uh...Copy !req
251. That stapler?Copy !req
252. - No!Copy !req
253. Now listen to me. There was
a very important file on this desk,Copy !req
254. a file that represented two months
of intensive research.Copy !req
255. It's my guess that
you threw it out.Copy !req
256. Oh, uh, no, sir.
No, uh—Copy !req
257. Were you in here
cleaning up last night?Copy !req
258. Uh, yes, sir—
yes, sir, I was.Copy !req
259. Do you see that file
on my desk now?Copy !req
260. Gee, I don't know.Copy !req
261. I think I've
proven my point.Copy !req
262. You are a worthless
human being Mr., uh...Copy !req
263. Spadowski.
Stanley Spadowski.Copy !req
264. May I call
you Stanley?Copy !req
265. Okay.Copy !req
266. Stanley, you're fired!Copy !req
267. But I— I didn't—Copy !req
268. Get out!Copy !req
269. But I...Copy !req
270. People are—Copy !req
271. I can't believe the incompetence
in this place.Copy !req
272. People like that
should be put to sleep.Copy !req
273. Whew.Copy !req
274. Well, what do you know?Copy !req
275. The research file.Copy !req
276. Here it is.
Been sitting here all the time.Copy !req
277. Betty,
hold my calls.Copy !req
278. Yes,
Mr. Fletcher.Copy !req
279. Hey, R.J.!Copy !req
280. Hi!
George Newman, U-62.Copy !req
281. Say,
nice place you got here.Copy !req
282. You know, I was just thinking,
since we're both in the business—Copy !req
283. Where'd you get this?Copy !req
284. Do you realize that stealing mail
is a federal offense?Copy !req
285. Hold on.
You don't understand—Copy !req
286. No, you don't understand
how serious a crime this is.Copy !req
287. I think you'd just better
clear out your desk and get out.Copy !req
288. You're through, mister.Copy !req
289. But, I don't work here.Copy !req
290. Trespassing, huh?Copy !req
291. You've got 10 seconds to get out
before I call the police.Copy !req
292. Look, I thought
we could—Copy !req
293. Five...
four...Copy !req
294. - three...
- Gee, look at the time.Copy !req
295. Well, gotta go.Copy !req
296. Keep in touch.Copy !req
297. No. No. Please.
It's all I've got left!Copy !req
298. Let go.
This is station property.Copy !req
299. No! No!
It's my mop!Copy !req
300. Let go!Copy !req
301. Let go, you idiot!Copy !req
302. That's my mop!Copy !req
303. Not any more, buddy!Copy !req
304. Hey, are you
all right?Copy !req
305. It's just not fair.Copy !req
306. Come on, forget about it.
It's only a mop.Copy !req
307. "Only a mop"?
"Only a mop"?Copy !req
308. Oh, you don't
understand.Copy !req
309. That mop was given to me
for my birthday when I was 8 years old.Copy !req
310. We've never
been apart!Copy !req
311. Now...Copy !req
312. now I don't even
have a job anymore.Copy !req
313. After 15 years,
they just toss me outCopy !req
314. like an old bag
of moldy tangerines.Copy !req
315. What am I gonna do?Copy !req
316. What am I gonna do?Copy !req
317. - Well...Copy !req
318. maybe you could
come work for me.Copy !req
319. Really?
You mean it?Copy !req
320. Sure. I guess we
could use a janitor.Copy !req
321. - Stanley Spadowski.
- George Newman.Copy !req
322. I'm mighty glad
to meet you, George.Copy !req
323. I'm gonna do a really good job.
You won't be sorry.Copy !req
324. I'm really gonna do a good job
for you, George. I'm a good janitor.Copy !req
325. You want me to clean
your glasses for you?Copy !req
326. - No, that's—
- I'll make them real shiny, real shiny.Copy !req
327. 'cause we're friends, huh, George?
We're friends.Copy !req
328. Nope.Copy !req
329. is this it?Copy !req
330. Nope.Copy !req
331. Is this it?Copy !req
332. Nope.Copy !req
333. - Is this it?
- Pam: No, George.Copy !req
334. I can't delay
the broadcastCopy !req
335. because the mayor is supposed
to be coming out any minute.Copy !req
336. Where is he?Copy !req
337. No. I've looked
all over.Copy !req
338. I don't see a
Noodles Maclntire.Copy !req
339. Maclntosh
at your service.Copy !req
340. Yeah, George, never mind.
I think I found him.Copy !req
341. Come on! Come on!Copy !req
342. We go now live to U-62's
Pamela FinklesteinCopy !req
343. on the steps
at City Hall.Copy !req
344. Thank you. Hi.
Pamela Finklestein here.Copy !req
345. Boy, it's quite a scene
this morningCopy !req
346. on the front
steps of City Hall.Copy !req
347. We're awaiting the emergence
of Mayor ThompsonCopy !req
348. from his annual
city budget meeting.Copy !req
349. I think he— oh yeah, here comes
the mayor now. Let's go over.Copy !req
350. Maybe we can get a
few words out of him.Copy !req
351. Oh!Copy !req
352. Oh, did I do that?Copy !req
353. Oopsie!Copy !req
354. Noodles, those things
are fragile.Copy !req
355. You should be
more careful.Copy !req
356. Here he is now.
I think that we should be able—Copy !req
357. Hey, sweetheart,
take my advice.Copy !req
358. Broads don't belong
in broadcasting.Copy !req
359. Fletcher III.:
Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!Copy !req
360. Hi. Richard Fletcher.
Channel 8 news.Copy !req
361. Yeah, but—Copy !req
362. yeah, but—Copy !req
363. "broads don't belong
in broadcasting"?Copy !req
364. Is that the kind of
professional courtesyCopy !req
365. you teach
your news department?Copy !req
366. Why, that's just terrible.Copy !req
367. I don't know how many times
I've told those boysCopy !req
368. never call chicks
"broads."Copy !req
369. Why, you slimy— oh!Copy !req
370. Hello, and welcome
to town talk.Copy !req
371. I'm George Newman,
and today our special guestCopy !req
372. is local high school
shop teacher Joe Earley.Copy !req
373. Joe, thanks
for joining us.Copy !req
374. Thank you,
home boy.Copy !req
375. Well, I see you've brought
some equipment with you today.Copy !req
376. Would you mind giving us
a little demonstration?Copy !req
377. Not at all.Copy !req
378. There's only a few
simple principlesCopy !req
379. you must bear in mindCopy !req
380. before attempting
to operateCopy !req
381. a sophisticated piece
of machinery like this...Copy !req
382. Table saw.Copy !req
383. You know,
lots of times,Copy !req
384. when my students
first learn to—Copy !req
385. Whoa!Copy !req
386. What?Copy !req
387. Oh!Copy !req
388. Do you
believe this?Copy !req
389. Oh, will you
look at that?Copy !req
390. Oh.Copy !req
391. Just call me
Mr. Butterfingers.Copy !req
392. Um, I think it's
on the floor...Copy !req
393. somewhere.Copy !req
394. Oh.Copy !req
395. Is my face red!
Oh.Copy !req
396. Honey, where's
the spatula?Copy !req
397. Okay, kids, let's go.Copy !req
398. There's just one place to goCopy !req
399. for all your
spatula needs.Copy !req
400. Spatula City!
Spatula City!Copy !req
401. A giant warehouse
of spatulas for every occasion.Copy !req
402. Thousands to choose from
in every shape, size, and color.Copy !req
403. And because we eliminate
the middleman,Copy !req
404. we can sell all our spatulas
factory-direct to you.Copy !req
405. Where do you go when you wanna buy
name-brand spatulasCopy !req
406. at a fraction of retail cost?Copy !req
407. Spatula City!
Spatula City!Copy !req
408. And, this weekend only, take advantage
of our special liquidation sale.Copy !req
409. Buy 9 spatulas, get the 10th one
for just one penny.Copy !req
410. Don't forget, they make
great Christmas presents.Copy !req
411. And what better way
to say "I love you"Copy !req
412. than with the gift
of a spatula?Copy !req
413. Spatula City!
Spatula City!Copy !req
414. Hello. This is Sy Greenblum,
president of Spatula City.Copy !req
415. I liked their spatulas so much,
I bought the company.Copy !req
416. Spatula City!
Seven locations!Copy !req
417. We're in the yellow pages
under "spatulas."Copy !req
418. My! Where did you get
that lovely spatula?Copy !req
419. Hey, kids, where
do you want to go?Copy !req
420. To Uncle Nutzy's clubhouse.Copy !req
421. That's right!
I'm your Uncle Nutzy,Copy !req
422. and, boy, oh, boy are we gonna have
some big fun today.Copy !req
423. Huh, kids?Copy !req
424. Well, let's walk on over and see
who's in our Kiddie Corner.Copy !req
425. - Hi. What's your name?
- Billy.Copy !req
426. - Billy what?Copy !req
427. - Okay.Copy !req
428. Uh-oh.
You know who that is?Copy !req
429. That's right.Copy !req
430. It's your pal,
Bob-o the Clown!Copy !req
431. Yay!Copy !req
432. Hey, Bob-o,
wanna play a game?Copy !req
433. - Okay, look up. Look down.Copy !req
434. Now look at
Mr. Frying Pan.Copy !req
435. Uh-oh! Bob-o
fall down, go boom.Copy !req
436. Upsie-daisy.Copy !req
437. Say, Bob-o,
what's wrong?Copy !req
438. Oh, I bet I know.
You're hungry, aren't you?Copy !req
439. - Well, I know just what you want.Copy !req
440. Clowns and kids alike can't resist
the mouth-watering, lip-smacking tasteCopy !req
441. of Mrs. Hockenburger's
Butter Cookies.Copy !req
442. Right, Bob-o?Copy !req
443. That's right!Copy !req
444. And, hey, Mom,Copy !req
445. they're nutritious, too!Copy !req
446. Just look at how much
Bob-o here likes them.Copy !req
447. Mmm. That's good.Copy !req
448. And don't forget, kids,Copy !req
449. there's a nifty surpriseCopy !req
450. inside every box of
Mrs. Hockenburger's—Copy !req
451. uh-oh.Copy !req
452. Bob-o's been eating
Yappy's Dog Treats.Copy !req
453. That's right,
Yappy's Dog Treats.Copy !req
454. Your dog will love
that real liver and tuna taste...Copy !req
455. with just a
hint of cheese.Copy !req
456. Hi.
Pamela Finklestein here,Copy !req
457. coming to you with an interview
with Mr. Earl Ramsey.Copy !req
458. Now, Mr. Ramsey is
the president of the local chapterCopy !req
459. of the American Gun Association.Copy !req
460. Um, Mr. Ramsey,
is it correct to assumeCopy !req
461. that your organization
is against gun control?Copy !req
462. Gun control is
for wimps and Commies.Copy !req
463. Listen, let's get
one thing straight.Copy !req
464. Guns don't kill people.Copy !req
465. - I do.
- Pam: Yes, well...Copy !req
466. This is a special bulletin
from the U-62 news room.Copy !req
467. Hi, Teri.
It's George.Copy !req
468. Happy Birthday.Copy !req
469. Hey, how about if I take you
and your folks out to dinner?Copy !req
470. I'll meet you
at Cafe Francais at 7:30, okay?Copy !req
471. I love you.Copy !req
472. Are you tired
of sloppy, cut-rate funerals?Copy !req
473. You've tried the rest.
Now try the best.Copy !req
474. The Plots-R-Us
Mortuary Service.Copy !req
475. Remember, there's always
plenty of free parking,Copy !req
476. and don't forget to visit
our new salad bar.Copy !req
477. Plots-R-Us,Copy !req
478. eternal peace
at affordable prices.Copy !req
479. Granny Clampett on TV:
Dad-blamed Beverly Hills.Copy !req
480. There ain't a possum shank
to be bought around here at any price.Copy !req
481. What good is
having $68,000,000?Copy !req
482. I ask you!Copy !req
483. Well, this morning is good for getting
a lot of papers signed for Mr. Drysdale.Copy !req
484. You was doing that
when I left here...Copy !req
485. Huh.Copy !req
486. George?Copy !req
487. Hey, George.Copy !req
488. I finished polishing
all the doorknobs.Copy !req
489. Is there anything else
you want me to do?Copy !req
490. No, Stanley.
That's okay.Copy !req
491. It's getting pretty late.
Why don't you call it a night?Copy !req
492. Oh... do I have to?Copy !req
493. Yeah. Go on.
I'll see you in the morning.Copy !req
494. Okay.
I'll see you.Copy !req
495. George, you know,
I was wondering, like—Copy !req
496. like, if you were traveling
through outer space,Copy !req
497. I mean, like, you're going real fast,
like the speed of light,Copy !req
498. you know, and all of a sudden,
you started screaming,Copy !req
499. "Ahh! Ahh!"Copy !req
500. Do you think that your
brain would blow up?Copy !req
501. Uh, guys, I'm trying to work.
Do you mind?Copy !req
502. No, I— I don't mind.
Go— go right ahead.Copy !req
503. Do you mind, George?Copy !req
504. Would you care
to order now?Copy !req
505. Oh, yeah. I think
we'll have the—Copy !req
506. No, thank you.
We'll wait.Copy !req
507. Are you sure he knows
what restaurant we're at?Copy !req
508. Well, I've got some good news
and some bad news.Copy !req
509. Okay, give me the
bad news first.Copy !req
510. Well, given our present
financial situation,Copy !req
511. compounded
by ongoing fixed expensesCopy !req
512. and outstanding invoices,Copy !req
513. I figure this station will be flat broke
by the end of the week.Copy !req
514. What's the good news?Copy !req
515. I lied.
There is no good news.Copy !req
516. I never should have
taken this job.Copy !req
517. I should have known
it would turn out like all the others.Copy !req
518. You know,
for a short time there,Copy !req
519. I really thought
this was gonna be different.Copy !req
520. I just don't
know anymore.Copy !req
521. Well, at least
I've still got Teri.Copy !req
522. - What time is it?
- Uh, 9:30.Copy !req
523. - Oh, no!Copy !req
524. Hello?Copy !req
525. George Newman?
You are a selfish,Copy !req
526. thoughtless,
insensitive creep,Copy !req
527. and from now on,
you can forget all my birthdaysCopy !req
528. because we're through.Copy !req
529. Hey, kids, where
do you want to go?Copy !req
530. That's right,
to Uncle Nutzy's Clubhouse.Copy !req
531. And, boy, oh, boy,Copy !req
532. are we gonna have
big fun today.Copy !req
533. We're gonna have
so much fun,Copy !req
534. we'll forget about
how miserable we areCopy !req
535. and how much
life sucksCopy !req
536. and how we're all gonna
grow old and die someday.Copy !req
537. - Boy: I wanna go home.
- Shut up, you little weasel.Copy !req
538. Okay.Copy !req
539. Right now I'd like to show you
one of my favorite cartoons.Copy !req
540. It's a sad, depressing story
about a pathetic coyoteCopy !req
541. who spends every waking
moment of his lifeCopy !req
542. in the futile pursuit
of a sadistic roadrunner...Copy !req
543. who mocks him and laughs at himCopy !req
544. as he is repeatedly crushed and maimed!Copy !req
545. Hope you enjoy it!Copy !req
546. Hey, where
are you going?Copy !req
547. - I need a drink.
- You don't drink.Copy !req
548. Yeah, but I've been
meaning to start.Copy !req
549. Wait a minute.Copy !req
550. What about the
rest of the show?Copy !req
551. Watch out, Mr. Coyote!
Oh, that's terrible.Copy !req
552. Hey, Stanley.Copy !req
553. Yeah, George?Copy !req
554. How would you like
your own TV Show?Copy !req
555. Okay.Copy !req
556. You're on.Copy !req
557. What are you doing?
Are you crazy?Copy !req
558. What?Copy !req
559. - But, George, what about—
- Bob, it doesn't matter anymore.Copy !req
560. It's over.Copy !req
561. Yeah. We're watching it, too.Copy !req
562. Yeah. I've never
seen anything like it.Copy !req
563. Okay, I'll call you later.Copy !req
564. Gentlemen,
what can I get you?Copy !req
565. Beer.Copy !req
566. Blueberry daiquiri.Copy !req
567. I'll tell you what, George.
Let's start fresh.Copy !req
568. Start a whole
new business.Copy !req
569. Maybe we can borrow some money
from your Uncle Harvey.Copy !req
570. Oh, right.Copy !req
571. We just flushed his TV station
down the toilet.Copy !req
572. I'm sure he'd be happy
to lend us money.Copy !req
573. So I guess Teri's never going
to speak to you again, huh?Copy !req
574. Hey, I didn't
get an umbrella.Copy !req
575. look everybody!
He's coming back on!Copy !req
576. Hey, welcome back
to "Stanley Spadowski's Clubhouse."Copy !req
577. Are you kids
having a good time?Copy !req
578. Yeah!Copy !req
579. Hey, how about that cartoon?
hat was a weird cartoon, wasn't it?Copy !req
580. You know, that cartoon, it reminds me
of a dream I had last week.Copy !req
581. I turned into a bird
with a candy-bar head.Copy !req
582. And there were these other
birds, you know,Copy !req
583. they were all trying to eat my head and
everything, but I got away from them.Copy !req
584. Then there was this tree,
you know,Copy !req
585. and there was
this weird lizard, you know—Copy !req
586. what the—Copy !req
587. ooh!Copy !req
588. Oh.Copy !req
589. Whoa!Copy !req
590. Whoa!Copy !req
591. Oh!Copy !req
592. I wa— I wanna show you
something... ugh!Copy !req
593. I want to show
you something.Copy !req
594. This is my new mop.Copy !req
595. George, my friend,
he gave me this mop.Copy !req
596. It's a pretty good mop.
It's not as good as my first mop.Copy !req
597. I miss my first mop,
but this is still a good mop.Copy !req
598. Sometimes you just have
to take what life gives youCopy !req
599. 'cause life is like a mop,Copy !req
600. and sometimes life
gets full of dirt and crudCopy !req
601. and bugs and hairballs
and stuff.Copy !req
602. You— you— you gotta
clean it out.Copy !req
603. You— you gotta put it in
here and rinse it offCopy !req
604. and start all
over again and—Copy !req
605. and sometimes, sometimes life
sticks to the floor so bad,Copy !req
606. you know,
a mop— a mop,Copy !req
607. it's not good enough—
it's not good enough.Copy !req
608. You—you gotta get down there, like,
with a toothbrush, you know,Copy !req
609. and you gotta—
you gotta really scrub.Copy !req
610. You gotta get it off!
You gotta really try to get it off.Copy !req
611. But if that doesn't work,
if that doesn't work, you can't give up.Copy !req
612. You gotta— you gotta
stand right up,Copy !req
613. you gotta run to
a window, and say,Copy !req
614. "Hey! These floors
are dirty as hellCopy !req
615. and I'm not gonna
take it anymore!"Copy !req
616. Yes, ma'am. That's right.
Stanley Spadowski.Copy !req
617. Uh-huh. I don't think
that he's married, no.Copy !req
618. Well, I think that
he went to Harvard.Copy !req
619. I'll see you
kids later.Copy !req
620. Hi, George.
Well, I finished with the TV show.Copy !req
621. What do you want
me to do now?Copy !req
622. Did you have a good
time in there, Stanley?Copy !req
623. Yeah!
Oh, boy, it was fun.Copy !req
624. Great! How'd you like
to do it every day?Copy !req
625. Yeah!
That would be nea—Copy !req
626. wait a minute.Copy !req
627. Do I still
get to be the janitor?Copy !req
628. Sure.Copy !req
629. Oh, okay.
It's a deal.Copy !req
630. Well, I'm gonna
go clean the bathroom.Copy !req
631. Okay, kids,
where do you want to go?Copy !req
632. To "Stanley Spadowski's
Clubhouse"!Copy !req
633. Yay!Copy !req
634. Uh-huh.
Great.Copy !req
635. All right, it's a deal.
Thanks a lot.Copy !req
636. Okay,
talk to you later.Copy !req
637. George, wait till
you hear this.Copy !req
638. "Stanley Spadowski's
Clubhouse" is sold outCopy !req
639. for the next three months.Copy !req
640. The sponsors love him.Copy !req
641. You know, if we had
a few more shows like this,Copy !req
642. we'd really be
in business.Copy !req
643. Yeah, I've been
thinking about that.Copy !req
644. I've been working
on some new ideas.Copy !req
645. Tell me what
you think.Copy !req
646. Today, one of these
lucky contestantsCopy !req
647. will win his or her
weight in fishCopy !req
648. right here on...Copy !req
649. "Wheel of Fish"!Copy !req
650. Okay, let's play the game.Copy !req
651. We'll start
with yesterday's winner,Copy !req
652. Miss Phyllis Weaver.Copy !req
653. Are you ready,
Weaver?Copy !req
654. I sure am, Kuni.Copy !req
655. Okay, you get over there
and spin the Wheel of Fish.Copy !req
656. Go ahead.Copy !req
657. Give it a big spin!Copy !req
658. Come on,
big fish!Copy !req
659. Come to Mama!
Come on!Copy !req
660. Oh...Copy !req
661. a red snapper.Copy !req
662. Mmm.
Very tasty.Copy !req
663. Okay, Weaver,
listen carefully.Copy !req
664. You can hold
onto your red snapperCopy !req
665. or you can go
for what's in the boxCopy !req
666. that Hiro-san is bringing
down the aisle right now!Copy !req
667. What's it gonna be?Copy !req
668. Box! Fish!Copy !req
669. I'll take the box!
The box!Copy !req
670. You took the box!Copy !req
671. Let's see
what's in the box!Copy !req
672. Nothing!Copy !req
673. Absolutely nothing!Copy !req
674. Stupid!
You're so stupid!Copy !req
675. Hello.Copy !req
676. My name is Philo,Copy !req
677. and welcome to...Copy !req
678. "Secrets of the Universe."Copy !req
679. Today we are going to
learn to make plutoniumCopy !req
680. from common
household items.Copy !req
681. Hey, man.
This is Raul Hernandez,Copy !req
682. and welcome to...
Raul's Wild Kingdom,Copy !req
683. coming to you live
from my apartment.Copy !req
684. How about that, huh?Copy !req
685. Okay, first thing
we're gonna do todayCopy !req
686. is check out the wonderful world
of turtles.Copy !req
687. This is my friend Tommy.Copy !req
688. Tommy,
say hello to the nice people.Copy !req
689. Hello.
Ha! Isn't he great, huh?Copy !req
690. Okay, so, the turtle
is a member of the reptile family,Copy !req
691. and he's got this hard,
protective shellCopy !req
692. which keeps
predators away,Copy !req
693. also provides him with his own home
when he sleeps.Copy !req
694. Oh, and he's got these
tiny, teeny little legsCopy !req
695. which makes him
move real slow.Copy !req
696. And not too many
people know this,Copy !req
697. but the turtle
is also nature's suction cup.Copy !req
698. - Watch this.Copy !req
699. Did you see that?
It sticks! Ha!Copy !req
700. Okay. Oh yeah.
What else I got for you?Copy !req
701. Yeah, check this out.Copy !req
702. This is my ant farm.
Now, ants are amazing.Copy !req
703. They can carry
50 times their own weight,Copy !req
704. and they work for
weeks and weeksCopy !req
705. building these
intricate little tunnels.Copy !req
706. And, oh, yeah, they hate
it when you do this.Copy !req
707. Oh, look!Copy !req
708. They're really mad now.Copy !req
709. Where did you
find this guy?Copy !req
710. Me?
I thought you hired him.Copy !req
711. For those of you
just joining us,Copy !req
712. today we're teaching
poodles how to fly.Copy !req
713. Come here,
come here, Foofie.Copy !req
714. Ah, Foofie,
are you psyched?Copy !req
715. Are you ready?
Okay.Copy !req
716. Here we go.Copy !req
717. Get ready
and fly!Copy !req
718. - Oh, man.Copy !req
719. You know, sometimes
it takes them a little longerCopy !req
720. to learn how
to do it right.Copy !req
721. Okay, come on, come on,
come on, shut up, shut up.Copy !req
722. Hey, hey. Who's next?
Ah, Gigi.Copy !req
723. - Oh, man!Copy !req
724. Teri's voice: Hi. This is Teri.
I'm not home right now,Copy !req
725. so leave a message and
I'll get back to you as soon as I can.Copy !req
726. - George: Teri, I'm sorry!Copy !req
727. Come on,
give me one more chance, please!Copy !req
728. Come on, Teri!Copy !req
729. Teri! Oh, oh!
I'm in hell!Copy !req
730. I'm in hell!
Teri!Copy !req
731. Teri, pick up the phone!Copy !req
732. Pick up the phone!
Pick up the phone!Copy !req
733. Oh!
Oh, Teri!Copy !req
734. Please!Copy !req
735. Oh, Teri!Copy !req
736. Ah, Richard,
you shouldn't have.Copy !req
737. Happy Father's Day, Dad.Copy !req
738. What is this
piece of crap?Copy !req
739. I thought I told you
I wanted a Rolex!Copy !req
740. - A Rolex!Copy !req
741. - What?
- Sir?Copy !req
742. What do you want?Copy !req
743. I just thought I ought to tell you, sir,
there's a lot of talk in the streetCopy !req
744. about this Channel 62.Copy !req
745. They're starting
to get a pretty strong following.Copy !req
746. Excuse me?Copy !req
747. - Did you say Channel 62?
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
748. Do I have to remind you
that we are a network affiliate?Copy !req
749. And we're in competition
with other networks,Copy !req
750. not with a bunch of punks
broadcasting out of a closet!Copy !req
751. - But, sir—
- Do you enjoy wasting my time?Copy !req
752. Get out of my office!Copy !req
753. And take that
ridiculous thing off!Copy !req
754. What's that mean?
What's that mean?Copy !req
755. We got a winner!Copy !req
756. We got a winner!Copy !req
757. Oh, Joel Miller,Copy !req
758. you just found
the marble in the oatmeal.Copy !req
759. You're a lucky, lucky,
lucky little boy.Copy !req
760. 'Cause you know why?Copy !req
761. You get to drink
from the fire hose!Copy !req
762. So much fun.
So much fun.Copy !req
763. - Okay, you ready?
- Yeah!Copy !req
764. Open wide!Copy !req
765. Whoa ho ho!Copy !req
766. Joel Miller!
Let's hear it for him!Copy !req
767. - Raul Hernandez?
- Yeah.Copy !req
768. Got the delivery here
for your next show.Copy !req
769. Oh, great.
What you got?Copy !req
770. Well, let's see,
I got one aardvark, one flamingo,Copy !req
771. four porcupines,
two armadillos, three badgers.Copy !req
772. Badgers?Copy !req
773. Badgers?Copy !req
774. We don't need
no stinking badgers!Copy !req
775. Never before in the history
of motion picturesCopy !req
776. has there been
a screen presenceCopy !req
777. so commanding,
so powerful,Copy !req
778. so deadly.Copy !req
779. He's Conan the Librarian.Copy !req
780. Can you tell me where
I can find a book on astronomy?Copy !req
781. Don't you know the Dewey decimal system?Copy !req
782. Announcer :
Conan the Librarian.Copy !req
783. I'm sorry.Copy !req
784. These books
are a little overdue.Copy !req
785. Ah.Copy !req
786. Conan the Librarian.Copy !req
787. Tonight, only on U-62.Copy !req
788. Mmm.Copy !req
789. This is pretty good water—Copy !req
790. tastes like poop.Copy !req
791. I'm gonna, I'm gonna
eat some corn flakes.Copy !req
792. These are good corn—Copy !req
793. whoa!Copy !req
794. "Free toy inside."
"Free toy inside."Copy !req
795. Let's find it.Copy !req
796. Don't let your mom know
that you do this.Copy !req
797. I want to find the toy.Copy !req
798. Oh, look!
It's a toy man.Copy !req
799. It's a toy man.Copy !req
800. Hey.
Wanna go for a ride?Copy !req
801. Oh, boy! Is it fun?Copy !req
802. Here, I'll just
tie this around your waist.Copy !req
803. Oh— wait a minute!Copy !req
804. No, I'll show you.Copy !req
805. I don't want to go—Copy !req
806. Stop! Stop!
Ahh!Copy !req
807. Wasn't that fun?Copy !req
808. Oh, stop! I'm dizzy!Copy !req
809. No, let's go again.Copy !req
810. Ahh!Copy !req
811. Okay. How's this
for our new Friday night line-up?Copy !req
812. 8:00, "Druids On Parade,"Copy !req
813. then "The Volcano
Worshipers' Hour,"Copy !req
814. followed by
"Underwater Bingo for Teens"Copy !req
815. and "Fun with Dirt."Copy !req
816. Why not?Copy !req
817. Get this.
I get a call this morningCopy !req
818. from a guy who says
he can swallow his own face.Copy !req
819. Can you believe that?
I—Copy !req
820. Bob?Copy !req
821. - What you got there?
- The ratings.Copy !req
822. Don't tell me we actually
showed up on the list.Copy !req
823. We're number one.Copy !req
824. Say what?Copy !req
825. W-we beat out
the networks.Copy !req
826. Th-this is unbelievable.
Look at these numbers.Copy !req
827. We've got three shows
in the top five.Copy !req
828. "Stanley Spadowski's Clubhouse"
went through the roof.Copy !req
829. He got a 60 share!
Do you know what this means?Copy !req
830. We're finally
gonna have some real money.Copy !req
831. George, we're the number
one station in town.Copy !req
832. Ahh!Copy !req
833. There's lots of fun
coming your wayCopy !req
834. this weekend
on U-62.Copy !req
835. First,
slam your way to healthCopy !req
836. as you "Stay fit!"
With Mike and Spike.Copy !req
837. Next, everybody's favorite,
Chef Bernie invites you to go...Copy !req
838. "Bowling for Burgers"!Copy !req
839. Sunday,
be a part of the excitementCopy !req
840. as we premiere our dazzling new
game showCopy !req
841. "Strip solitaire"!Copy !req
842. And then join us for some
hilarious fun on the all-newCopy !req
843. "Practical Jokes
and Bloopers"!Copy !req
844. And you won't want
to miss "Celebrity Mud Wrestling,"Copy !req
845. with this week's special guest,
Mikhail Gorbachev.Copy !req
846. Whoa!Copy !req
847. It's a whole new weekend on U-62,Copy !req
848. the reason
television was invented.Copy !req
849. Be there!
Huh huh, yah.Copy !req
850. This is indeed
a sad day for Channel 8.Copy !req
851. We've been number one
in this town for the past 10 yearsCopy !req
852. and now our sponsors
are pulling their accounts.Copy !req
853. We're losing valuable
advertising revenue.Copy !req
854. We're losing
credibility in the market.Copy !req
855. And, why?Copy !req
856. Because of some
fly-by-night UHF station!Copy !req
857. A UHF station!Copy !req
858. This is an embarrassment,
a disgrace!Copy !req
859. What do you think R.J. Fletcher, Sr.
would be saying if he were alive today?Copy !req
860. "Help, let me out of this box.
I can't breathe in here.Copy !req
861. Help. Let me out."Copy !req
862. We've gotta
do something.Copy !req
863. We've gotta
do it fast.Copy !req
864. Who owns that
station, anyway?Copy !req
865. Yo! Heh, heh.Copy !req
866. Hey, Big Louie.
What's happening?Copy !req
867. Bad news, Mr. Bilchik.Copy !req
868. None of your horses came in.Copy !req
869. Oh, that's too bad.Copy !req
870. So, uh, what's
the damages, huh?Copy !req
871. $75,000.Copy !req
872. Oh, excuse me, Louie.Copy !req
873. I think I got
a little water in the phone here.Copy !req
874. How much did you say
that was again?Copy !req
875. $75,000.Copy !req
876. I'll be expecting
payment in two days.Copy !req
877. Two days?Copy !req
878. Hey, listen, Louie.Copy !req
879. Uh, I might need
a little bit more time, huh?Copy !req
880. Friday night, 10:00.Copy !req
881. 75,000 in cash.Copy !req
882. I'm dead meat.Copy !req
883. - Yeah, what?
- Fletcher: Mr. Bilchik?Copy !req
884. This is R.J. Fletcher.Copy !req
885. Can I help you?Copy !req
886. No, thanks.
Just taking a few measurements.Copy !req
887. Wait a minute.
I think I missed something here.Copy !req
888. Oh, didn't I tell you?Copy !req
889. I own this place now.Copy !req
890. You what?Copy !req
891. What's the matter, kid,
you got wax in your ears?Copy !req
892. But my uncle Harvey—Copy !req
893. Harvey Bilchik is flying
in tonight to close the deal.Copy !req
894. I don't believe this.Copy !req
895. - Hold this, kid.
- George, do something.Copy !req
896. Hey!
W-wait a minute.Copy !req
897. Don't you already
own Channel 8?Copy !req
898. I mean, isn't it illegal to own two
television stations in the same town?Copy !req
899. Oh...Copy !req
900. really?Copy !req
901. Gee...Copy !req
902. I guess I'll have to
turn this place into a parking lot.Copy !req
903. Toodle-oo!
Ha ha ha!Copy !req
904. Harvey, I still
don't understandCopy !req
905. what this is
all about.Copy !req
906. I told you, I just gotta wrap up
a little business deal,Copy !req
907. and I'll be back
in a few daysCopy !req
908. and I'll tell you
about it then, hmm?Copy !req
909. You take care
of yourself, you hear?Copy !req
910. - Bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
911. Hello?Copy !req
912. Oh, hi, George.Copy !req
913. It's so good
to hear from you.Copy !req
914. How's everything?Copy !req
915. He what?Copy !req
916. Harvey Bilchik,
get in here!Copy !req
917. Uncle Harvey,
at least give me a chanceCopy !req
918. to match his offer.Copy !req
919. Well, let me worry aboutCopy !req
920. where I'm going to
come up with the money.Copy !req
921. Yeah. 75,000 in cash
by Friday night.Copy !req
922. 10:00.
Yeah, I got it.Copy !req
923. Okay.Copy !req
924. Okay.Copy !req
925. Okay, bye.Copy !req
926. Oh, George,Copy !req
927. where are you gonna
come up with that kind of money?Copy !req
928. Yeah, and what are you
gonna do about Fletcher?Copy !req
929. Fletcher...Copy !req
930. yeah, I wouldn't put anything
past that guy.Copy !req
931. If there were only some way
we could keep an eye on him.Copy !req
932. Airline announcer:
Continental flight 414 now arrivingCopy !req
933. from Los Angeles
at gate seven.Copy !req
934. Hey.Copy !req
935. Harvey.Copy !req
936. Harvey Bilchik.Copy !req
937. Great to see you.
R.J. Fletcher.Copy !req
938. - Did you have a good flight?
- Yeah.Copy !req
939. - Want some peanuts?
- No, thank you.Copy !req
940. Mr. Bilchik, while
you're here in town,Copy !req
941. I want to make sure that
you're very comfortable.Copy !req
942. Anything special you want,
you just let me know.Copy !req
943. Now... what do you say
we take care of a little business?Copy !req
944. I've got all the
cash right here.Copy !req
945. And as soon as
you sign these,Copy !req
946. - we can start celebrating.
- Yeah, well, uh, listen...Copy !req
947. I-I-I gotta talk
to you about that.Copy !req
948. What?
What's wrong?Copy !req
949. Well, uh, you see,
the thing is, that, uh,Copy !req
950. I promised George
that I'd give him a chanceCopy !req
951. to get all the money
by Friday night.Copy !req
952. What are you talking about?
We had a deal!Copy !req
953. Yeah, I know, I'm sorry
about that,Copy !req
954. but it's just something I had to do.
Don't worry about it.Copy !req
955. There's no possible wayCopy !req
956. that kid can come up
with 75,000 bucksCopy !req
957. in two days.Copy !req
958. TV announcer:
George Newman.Copy !req
959. He starts where
the others stop.Copy !req
960. Sex with furniture—
what do you think?Copy !req
961. The world watched in amazementCopy !req
962. as he unlocked
the mysteriesCopy !req
963. of Al Capone's
glove compartment.Copy !req
964. Aha!Copy !req
965. Road maps!Copy !req
966. He blew the lid off Satanism.Copy !req
967. Look,
all I was trying to say—Copy !req
968. Oh, shut up,
you pinhead!Copy !req
969. You make me sick!Copy !req
970. Sometimes shocking,Copy !req
971. always controversial,
he deals with topicsCopy !req
972. that the other talk shows
are afraid to touch.Copy !req
973. He pries, he pokes,
he digs deep.Copy !req
974. He gets the answers.
He gets the facts.Copy !req
975. And most of all,
he gets the ratings.Copy !req
976. Lesbian Nazi hookers
abducted by UFOsCopy !req
977. and forced into
weight-loss programs—Copy !req
978. all this week
on "Town Talk."Copy !req
979. George, what's
the matter?Copy !req
980. Stanley,
you don't wanna know.Copy !req
981. Well...Copy !req
982. why'd I ask?Copy !req
983. Is there something
I can do to help?Copy !req
984. Not unless
you've got $75,000.Copy !req
985. Let's see...Copy !req
986. no, sorry.Copy !req
987. This is ridiculous.Copy !req
988. There must be
something I could do.Copy !req
989. The U-62 telethon
is on the air!Copy !req
990. Hey, Dad,Copy !req
991. you'd better turn
on Channel 62.Copy !req
992. Something funny's
going on.Copy !req
993. Now, we're not asking for donations.Copy !req
994. What we are doing
is offering this townCopy !req
995. a unique business
opportunity.Copy !req
996. This is one share
of stock in Channel 62.Copy !req
997. Our goal over the
next day and a halfCopy !req
998. is to sell
7,500 of theseCopy !req
999. at $10 apiece.Copy !req
1000. If we succeed, then
the station will belong to all of us.Copy !req
1001. Now, I'm calling out
an SOS!Copy !req
1002. "Save Our Station."Copy !req
1003. We got volunteers right over here.
They'll be taking your money.Copy !req
1004. They're gonna be working
around the clock for two daysCopy !req
1005. until every share is sold.Copy !req
1006. What do you say, kids?
Can we do it?Copy !req
1007. I think it's time
you boys paidCopy !req
1008. our Mr. Spadowski
a little visit.Copy !req
1009. Uh, yeah, I'm calling you
on behalf of our station.Copy !req
1010. We're having this telethon.
We're trying—Copy !req
1011. we're really raising
a lot of money here for the channel.Copy !req
1012. We'd really appreciate it
if you could help us.Copy !req
1013. Well, you—
bring your dogs down here.Copy !req
1014. I'll wash them for you.Copy !req
1015. Huh?Copy !req
1016. Well, so far, guys,Copy !req
1017. your response
has really been incredible,Copy !req
1018. but we've still
got a long way to go.Copy !req
1019. Remember,
when you buy stock in U-62,Copy !req
1020. you're not only helping yourself
and your community...Copy !req
1021. You're doing
great, Stanley.Copy !req
1022. Now, remember,
you gotta pace yourself.Copy !req
1023. You got a long way
to go before tomorrow night.Copy !req
1024. Yeah, I can do it,
George. I can do it.Copy !req
1025. All right, now,
just take it easy.Copy !req
1026. - Is there anything I can get you?
- Uh... some Play-Doh.Copy !req
1027. Okay.Copy !req
1028. No, no, no, George,
get me some bubbles,Copy !req
1029. - some real big bubbles.
- I'll see what I can do.Copy !req
1030. - Who is it?Copy !req
1031. Got a pizza here
for Mr. Stanley Spadowski.Copy !req
1032. Pizza?
For me?Copy !req
1033. Oh, boy!Copy !req
1034. I like peppers.Copy !req
1035. But I love anchoviesCopy !req
1036. because they're
real fishy.Copy !req
1037. Sometimes I just like
to get a pizzaCopy !req
1038. with nothing on it
but anchovies.Copy !req
1039. No peppers or olives
or onions.Copy !req
1040. Just anchovies
'cause they're good.Copy !req
1041. So, are we going
to kill him?Copy !req
1042. No. The boss just wants us
to keep him on ice for a while.Copy !req
1043. Easy, easy.Copy !req
1044. Hey, wait a minute.Copy !req
1045. You guys aren't
from the pizza place.Copy !req
1046. Oh, George! George,
you've got to do something.Copy !req
1047. Every minute that Stanley's not
on the air, we're losing money.Copy !req
1048. Yeah. Listen, just stall
as long as you can.Copy !req
1049. - I'm sure he'll turn up.
- Okay.Copy !req
1050. - What did the police say?
- They're doing everything they can.Copy !req
1051. I'm telling you, George,
Fletcher's behind this. I just know it.Copy !req
1052. Okay.
I'm thinking of something...Copy !req
1053. orange.Copy !req
1054. Something orange.Copy !req
1055. Orange.Copy !req
1056. You give up?Copy !req
1057. It's an orange.
Get it?Copy !req
1058. This is fun, huh?Copy !req
1059. Okay. Now I'm thinking
of something...Copy !req
1060. blue.Copy !req
1061. Something blue.Copy !req
1062. Let me kill him.Copy !req
1063. Please, let me kill him.Copy !req
1064. What?Copy !req
1065. Wh— what?Copy !req
1066. Oh...Copy !req
1067. what?Copy !req
1068. Don't you like "Bonanza"?Copy !req
1069. Bob on intercom: Okay, Philo,
go to commercial.Copy !req
1070. TV announcer:
Next week on U-62—Copy !req
1071. He's back,Copy !req
1072. and this time,
he's mad.Copy !req
1073. "Gandhi II"!Copy !req
1074. No more
Mr. Passive Resistance.Copy !req
1075. He's out to
kick some butt.Copy !req
1076. Ow!
Ugh!Copy !req
1077. This is one bad motherCopy !req
1078. you don't wanna
mess with.Copy !req
1079. Yah!Copy !req
1080. Don't move, slimeball.Copy !req
1081. He's a one-man wrecking crew.Copy !req
1082. But he also knows
how to party.Copy !req
1083. Give me a steak,
medium rare.Copy !req
1084. Hey, baldy!Copy !req
1085. There is only one lawCopy !req
1086. his law.Copy !req
1087. "Gandhi II"!Copy !req
1088. Hey, mister!Copy !req
1089. Change?
You got change?Copy !req
1090. Do you mind?
Get out of my way.Copy !req
1091. Hey, come on.
Can't you help a guy out?Copy !req
1092. Anything.Copy !req
1093. Don't spend it all
in one place.Copy !req
1094. Wow!Copy !req
1095. I can't believe it!Copy !req
1096. Oh, thanks, mister.Copy !req
1097. Thanks a lot!Copy !req
1098. Um, Mr. Fletcher?Copy !req
1099. May I speak to you
for a moment?Copy !req
1100. Personnel's that way,
young lady.Copy !req
1101. No, I'm not here
about a job.Copy !req
1102. I'd like to talk to
you about Channel 62.Copy !req
1103. Channel 62?
Oh, yes.Copy !req
1104. My demolition team
is looking forwardCopy !req
1105. to turning it into a rubble heap
Saturday morning.Copy !req
1106. Uh, wait a minute.Copy !req
1107. Will you please
just listen?Copy !req
1108. George Newman
has turned that little stationCopy !req
1109. into something
this community cares about.Copy !req
1110. George Newman
is a two-bit little punkCopy !req
1111. who should never have stuck his nose
where it didn't belong.Copy !req
1112. And if he sent you here
to try to make a deal—Copy !req
1113. George doesn't
know I'm here.Copy !req
1114. Look, it just
seems to me thatCopy !req
1115. there's more than enough room
for both of you in this town.Copy !req
1116. Besides,
a little competitionCopy !req
1117. is always good
for the community.Copy !req
1118. The community?
Let me tell you something.Copy !req
1119. This community
means about as much to meCopy !req
1120. as a festering
bowl of dog snot.Copy !req
1121. You guys?Copy !req
1122. Hey, you guys!Copy !req
1123. The blindfold fell off.Copy !req
1124. You better
come fix it.Copy !req
1125. I didn't mean
for it to— whoa!Copy !req
1126. Hey, my shirt
glows in the dark!Copy !req
1127. Will you
shut him up?Copy !req
1128. Oh, I got an itch.
I got an itch.Copy !req
1129. I got an itch.
I got an itch.Copy !req
1130. I got an itch.
I got an itch.Copy !req
1131. - I got an itch, I got an itch.
- Stanley.Copy !req
1132. I don't want to have
to tell you this again.Copy !req
1133. Shut up.Copy !req
1134. You're making
us nuts.Copy !req
1135. Now...Copy !req
1136. I got three guys out hereCopy !req
1137. that would love
to cut your tongue out,Copy !req
1138. but I don't want
them to do that.Copy !req
1139. I told them that in another
couple of hoursCopy !req
1140. this whole thing
will be over,Copy !req
1141. So, Stanley,
be nice.Copy !req
1142. My mop!Copy !req
1143. - Freeze!Copy !req
1144. Ahh!Copy !req
1145. - Hey!
- Man: Get him!Copy !req
1146. - He's getting away!
- Let's get him!Copy !req
1147. - Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Get out of my way!Copy !req
1148. Ugh!Copy !req
1149. - Ugh!Copy !req
1150. Not gonna get me.Copy !req
1151. Yeah.Copy !req
1152. Stanley.Copy !req
1153. Don't move,
Spadowski.Copy !req
1154. Don't even breathe.Copy !req
1155. Wh-what are we
gonna do now?Copy !req
1156. I'll handle this.Copy !req
1157. Ah! Ooh!Copy !req
1158. Whoa.Copy !req
1159. Oh.Copy !req
1160. Ahh!Copy !req
1161. - Ahh!Copy !req
1162. Oh, boy!Copy !req
1163. Ahh!Copy !req
1164. - Ahh!Copy !req
1165. Ahh!Copy !req
1166. Ahh!Copy !req
1167. Ahh!Copy !req
1168. Who is this guy?Copy !req
1169. I'm your worst nightmare.Copy !req
1170. Listen, I can see you guys
are pretty busy.Copy !req
1171. How about if I just
come back later?Copy !req
1172. Forget it, pal.Copy !req
1173. We're all going
for a little ride.Copy !req
1174. Oh. Well, we'll have to
take your car.Copy !req
1175. Mine's a two-seater.Copy !req
1176. Just shut up, kid.Copy !req
1177. You know, you really
botched things up.Copy !req
1178. If you hadn't stuck your face
in our business...Copy !req
1179. we'd all be going
home real soon.Copy !req
1180. But now I'm gonna
have to take youCopy !req
1181. and your friend
out of commission...Copy !req
1182. for good.Copy !req
1183. Redrum!Copy !req
1184. Redrum!Copy !req
1185. - Man: What was that?Copy !req
1186. - Hmm?
- Hold on.Copy !req
1187. - I thought I heard something.
- What?Copy !req
1188. - I don't know. I just thought—
- Supplies!Copy !req
1189. Hey, everybody,
they're back.Copy !req
1190. Yeah!Copy !req
1191. Friends,Copy !req
1192. there comes a time
in every man's lifeCopy !req
1193. where he has to look
the potato of injusticeCopy !req
1194. right in the eye.Copy !req
1195. There's a powerful
evil force in the universe.Copy !req
1196. And it lives at Channel 8.
And I've seen it,Copy !req
1197. and I don't want it to pop its ugly,
greasy head around here,Copy !req
1198. - do you?
- No!Copy !req
1199. - I can't hear you!
- No!Copy !req
1200. - I can't hear you!
- No!Copy !req
1201. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.Copy !req
1202. All right,
say it again.Copy !req
1203. - No!
- All right!Copy !req
1204. TV announcer:
And now a special reportCopy !req
1205. from the owner and general manager
of Channel 8,Copy !req
1206. R.J. Fletcher.Copy !req
1207. Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
1208. I come before
you tonightCopy !req
1209. to speak on a matterCopy !req
1210. which is of grave
concern to us all.Copy !req
1211. I want to show youCopy !req
1212. how one small
television stationCopy !req
1213. can single-handedly
disrupt and destroyCopy !req
1214. the moral fiber
of an entire community.Copy !req
1215. The following may upset you.Copy !req
1216. It may even shock you.Copy !req
1217. But I feel it is my duty
as a concerned citizenCopy !req
1218. to bring you
this important message.Copy !req
1219. This community means
about as much to meCopy !req
1220. as a festering bowl
of dog snot.Copy !req
1221. You think I care about
the pea-brained yokels of this town?Copy !req
1222. If you took their combined lQ
and multiplied it by 100,Copy !req
1223. you might have enough intelligence
to tie your shoe,Copy !req
1224. if you didn't drool
all over yourself first.Copy !req
1225. I can't stand those
sniveling maggots.Copy !req
1226. They make me want to puke.Copy !req
1227. But there is one good
thing about broadcastingCopy !req
1228. to a town full
of mindless sheep—Copy !req
1229. I always know
I've got themCopy !req
1230. exactly where I want them.Copy !req
1231. Ha ha ha!Copy !req
1232. Heh heh heh!Copy !req
1233. - Stanley: Ho ho! Ha ha ha!Copy !req
1234. $73,000!Copy !req
1235. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
1236. We just hit the
$73,000 mark!Copy !req
1237. Okay, Mouseketeers,
come on.Copy !req
1238. We can do it.
Woo!Copy !req
1239. What do you
say, stranger?Copy !req
1240. Teri.Copy !req
1241. What are you
doing here?Copy !req
1242. I thought you never
wanted to see me again.Copy !req
1243. Well, whatever gave
you that idea?Copy !req
1244. Well, I think my first
clue was when you saidCopy !req
1245. you never wanted
to see me again.Copy !req
1246. Oh.
Well, George...Copy !req
1247. no matter what
happens tonight,Copy !req
1248. I just want you to know
that I'm so proud of you.Copy !req
1249. Uncle Harvey.Copy !req
1250. Listen, we'll definitely
have the money for you,Copy !req
1251. it just may take a few minutes longer
than we expected.Copy !req
1252. Look, kid,
if it was up to me,Copy !req
1253. I'd let you have all the time
you wanted, but you know,Copy !req
1254. Big Louie is a very punctual
kind of guy, you know what I mean?Copy !req
1255. I wouldn't wanna
keep him waiting.Copy !req
1256. Whoa, whoa.Copy !req
1257. Okay, okay. I know
a lot of you peopleCopy !req
1258. probably like to wait
till the last minute.Copy !req
1259. Well, this is it!
This is the last minute!Copy !req
1260. What are you doing here?Copy !req
1261. You're disturbing the peace.
Come on.Copy !req
1262. Out of the way.
Why aren't you home in bed?Copy !req
1263. Get out of here.Copy !req
1264. Stand back.
Out of my way.Copy !req
1265. Look out.Copy !req
1266. Aw!Copy !req
1267. This party is over,
Mr. Newman.Copy !req
1268. You can say that again.Copy !req
1269. Okay, Fletcher...Copy !req
1270. you win.
Give me the money.Copy !req
1271. Settle down.Copy !req
1272. All in good time,
Mr. Bilchik.Copy !req
1273. What, are you crazy?
Give me the money!Copy !req
1274. Please,
if you don't mind,Copy !req
1275. there are a few things
I'd like to say to these peopleCopy !req
1276. before this transaction
takes place.Copy !req
1277. What?Copy !req
1278. Dear friends,Copy !req
1279. I'm sure that one day
you'll realizeCopy !req
1280. that by shutting downCopy !req
1281. this hotbed of
subversive activity...Copy !req
1282. Hey, mister!Copy !req
1283. Not now, okay?Copy !req
1284. I was just wondering
if it's too lateCopy !req
1285. to buy
any of them shares.Copy !req
1286. I'll take
whatever you got left.Copy !req
1287. - How much is that?
- $2,000.Copy !req
1288. Keep the change.Copy !req
1289. I have decided not
to tear down the building after all.Copy !req
1290. I am going to turn it
into a laundromat.Copy !req
1291. Uh,
Mr. Big Louie, sir?Copy !req
1292. My uncle Harvey
wanted you to have this.Copy !req
1293. $75,000.Copy !req
1294. - It's all there.Copy !req
1295. Now let me tell
you something...Copy !req
1296. Uncle Harvey.Copy !req
1297. Hey, what's
going on here?Copy !req
1298. Ha ha ha!Copy !req
1299. Now, wait
just one minute!Copy !req
1300. What do think you're doing?Copy !req
1301. We did it!
The station's ours!Copy !req
1302. - Wow, look at that!
- You can't do this!Copy !req
1303. We had an agreement, remember?
An oral contract.Copy !req
1304. I'll sue.Copy !req
1305. Oh, blow it out your
ear, scuzbag.Copy !req
1306. R.J. Fletcher?Copy !req
1307. - So what if I am?
- I'm John Vickers, F.C.C.Copy !req
1308. I've noticed your
that station is lateCopy !req
1309. in filing its license renewal
this year.Copy !req
1310. Now, normally,
this kind of violationCopy !req
1311. is punishable
by a stiff fine,Copy !req
1312. but I've been
watching you lately.Copy !req
1313. You made a big
impression on me.Copy !req
1314. Yeah, I'm revoking
your license.Copy !req
1315. Effective immediately,
you're off the air.Copy !req
1316. Hi, Pamela Finklestein
hereCopy !req
1317. coming to you with
the most incredible turn of events.Copy !req
1318. Not only has the once-powerful
corporate broadcasting giantCopy !req
1319. been thoroughly
crushed and defeated,Copy !req
1320. but now,
as luck would have it,Copy !req
1321. they've been completely stripped
of their license by the F.C.C.!Copy !req
1322. What do you have to say about it,
you worthless, slobbering pig?Copy !req
1323. Dad?
Where's my dad?Copy !req
1324. What's going on here?
Whoa!Copy !req
1325. Oh, did I do that?Copy !req
1326. Oopsie!Copy !req
1327. Dad!Copy !req
1328. Philo!Copy !req
1329. Hey, you really went beyond the call
of duty on this one, pal. Thanks.Copy !req
1330. I'm glad to have been
of service, George.Copy !req
1331. Well, I-I-it appears
my work on this planet is complete.Copy !req
1332. I must now
return to my homeCopy !req
1333. on the planet Zarkon.Copy !req
1334. Okay.
Well, have fun.Copy !req
1335. Hey, nice going, kid.Copy !req
1336. I didn't know
you had it in you.Copy !req
1337. - You're okay.
- Thanks, Uncle Harvey.Copy !req
1338. - Have a nice flight back to the coast.
- Harvey: Thanks.Copy !req
1339. - Say hi to Aunt Esther for me.
- Sure will.Copy !req
1340. Excuse me.Copy !req
1341. Aren't you
R.J. Fletcher?Copy !req
1342. Yes!
Ooh! Ugh! Ugh!Copy !req
1343. Yeah!Copy !req
1344. Hey, Stanley, congratulations.
You really pulled us through.Copy !req
1345. George, I want you to know that I'm
mighty proud to be a part of your team.Copy !req
1346. Well, I'm mighty proud
of you, too, Stanley.Copy !req
1347. In fact, I'd like to present you
with a small token of my gratitude.Copy !req
1348. A trophy.Copy !req
1349. That— that's me?Copy !req
1350. "Stanley...
World's greatest janitorCopy !req
1351. and TV Star."Copy !req
1352. Aw, George,Copy !req
1353. I never had anybody
give me a trophy before.Copy !req
1354. It's— it's big.Copy !req
1355. George, you're my best friend
in the whole world.Copy !req
1356. I'm gonna go show
everybody right now.Copy !req
1357. Hey, everybody,Copy !req
1358. look at what
George gave me!Copy !req
1359. Hey!
Hey, I know you.Copy !req
1360. You're the guy
that gave meCopy !req
1361. that 1955 double-die
Denver mint penny.Copy !req
1362. Oh, ho, ho,
thanks a lot, mister.Copy !req
1363. That thing
was worth a fortune.Copy !req
1364. When I cashed it in,Copy !req
1365. I got enough money
to buy a whole bunch of shares,Copy !req
1366. plus I got me
a real neat watch.Copy !req
1367. It's a Rolex.
See?Copy !req
1368. Um, George?Copy !req
1369. Uh-huh?Copy !req
1370. You know those dreams
you're always having?Copy !req
1371. Yeah?Copy !req
1372. Well, do you think
that maybe sometimeCopy !req
1373. I could be
part of them?Copy !req
1374. Honey, from now on,Copy !req
1375. you're gonna be
in all of 'em.Copy !req
1376. Oh, George.Copy !req
1377. Darlin', let's leave
this place right now.Copy !req
1378. Let's go this
very minute.Copy !req
1379. No, dear, please.
Let's wait till tomorrow.Copy !req
1380. But why? Why?Copy !req
1381. Because tomorrow
is another day.Copy !req
1382. I knew she was
going to say that.Copy !req