True Stories (1986)

1. - This is where the town begins.

2. This part of the country's been through a lot of changes.

3. Not all small ones either.

4. I think they're in the process of going through another one.

5. You know, there's bound to be at least one person

6. who remembers when everything was just open land, like it is right here.

7. And some people can just look at the land, just look at it,

8. and tell you what happened there.

9. This whole area was once under water.

10. Almost still looks like it.

11. After that there was a period when dinosaurs roamed all over the place.

12. I used to be fascinated by dinosaurs when I was a kid.

13. A lot of kids were.

14. Recently, the bones of a woman who lived 20,000 years ago were found here.

15. They nicknamed her Midland Minnie.

16. The first inhabitants here referred to themselves simply as "the people."

17. Other groups they came in contact with were referred to as "friends."

18. "Texas" comes from the Caddoan word for "friend."

19. However, the Caddo were among the first to be wiped out by the early white settlers.

20. A group of Spanish settlers offered the Indians the chance to become slaves.

21. The Indians thought about it, decided it was not a good idea

22. and killed the Spaniards.

23. The Spaniards were fighting the Mexicans.

24. The Mexicans fought the Americans.

25. The Americans were fighting the Wichitas.

26. The Wichitas were fighting the Tonkawas. The Tonkawas fought the Comanches.

27. The Comanches fought everyone.

28. Meanwhile, most of the people who now lived here spoke Spanish.

29. Covert military operations to seize Texas for the US of A were begun in 1835.

30. Eventually, they did get Texas.

31. Land grabbers, railroad companies moved in.

32. The economy boomed.

33. Some people got rich,

34. first on cotton,

35. then cattle,

36. then oil,

37. and now microelectronics.

38. The silicon-based transistor was first proposed here in 1949.

39. In 1958 Mr. Jack Kilby invented the integrated circuit.

40. He was working at Texas Instruments then.

41. He doesn't work there anymore.

42. This is the 150th anniversary of the State of Texas.

43. Prince Charlie, Duke of Windsor, Prince of Wales,

44. even he came here for the sesquicentennial opening ceremonies.

45. This, out here, this is Virgil, Texas.

46. Their celebration's gonna happen this Friday.

47. They're gonna have a parade that runs down the main street in the morning.

48. And then outside of town that night they're gonna have a talent show.

49. You know, in a couple of years...

50. this'll probably all be built up.

51. Radio reception's great here!

52. Although the center of town is pretty old,

53. around the outside there's been a lot of people moving in.

54. A lot of construction.

55. - [children laughing, chattering] - Plummet right.

56. Steady! 5.32.

57. 5.32. Move on.

58. This is where the stage for the performances is gonna be built.

59. It'll only take a couple of days 'cause it's all prefab.

60. They'll get it done just in time, I hope.

61. You think there'll be enough parking, huh?

62. Plummet left! Plummet left!

63. - 4.50. - 4.50.

64. Good. Move on.

65. We'll be there soon.

66. Many of Virgil's festivities are sponsored by Varicorp.

67. It's a major public relations effort.

68. They're calling it a Celebration of Specialness.

69. But this place is completely normal.

70. Anyway, this is the Varicorp building just outside Virgil.

71. It's cool. It's a multipurpose shape - a box.

72. We have no idea what's inside there.

73. Hey, you going to the keg party at Don's tomorrow?

74. Love makes everything beautiful, like a little puppy.

75. Warm and fuzzy.

76. You know, I like hairy men.

77. Jesus was hairy.

78. It's worth it to fall in love,

79. to see the beautiful world.

80. - Love is soft and love is pure. - Even though at heart I just sorta fall.

81. - Love is something that you must endure.

82. Love is peaceful and love is wild.

83. Love's all right if it lasts a while.

84. I know everything there is to know about love, honey.

85. I have seen it all and done it all.

86. I love money.

87. And men like that.

88. Remember when I went out with Burt Reynolds?

89. Shoot, he was gonna quit the movies and come live with me.

90. I said, "Burt, darlin', I need all of your money."

91. - Look at me. Now, don't be afraid. - He woulda given it to me too.

92. - I'm gonna touch your nose. Don't be afraid. - Men respect that.

93. - What's that supposed to be? - I don't know. I'm thinking of something.

94. Um, you see, I can read your tones.

95. Everybody has tones.

96. It's like everybody has their own station,

97. like a transmitter.

98. And I guess you have your dial set.

99. Baby, I'm the only one that has a radio.

100. - I'm picking you up. I'm still picking you up.

101. It's sort of cool, you know, sort of hot, sort of-

102. I like it. I like it. I like it.

103. Seems to be a - a different kind of attitude.

104. Yeah, something's happening here, all right.

105. Raymond Buchanan, you're needed in Building "B."

106. The world is changing.

107. And this is the center of it right now.

108. Or the one of many centers.

109. It's a lot like music. Computers are like that.

110. You can never explain the feelings or connections to anyone else.

111. Figuring something out, something that's never been understood before,

112. is a rhythmic experience.

113. Steve Jobs said that.

114. He used to be the head of Apple.

115. Thanks.

116. People in the computer business can be pretty creative,

117. unlike the traditional businessman.

118. You know, the astronauts didn't read poetry.

119. But that's changing.

120. Hi, Gary.

121. This is an exciting place for you to work, then?

122. Yeah, I guess I'd say so.

123. Computers are as much a means of expression as language.

124. Hi.

125. My name is Louis.

126. Louis Fyne.

127. I been working here a number of years.

128. Now I'm in the Clean Room.

129. It's pretty okay.

130. I go out at night.

131. I'm a dancing fool.

132. I'll tell you what.

133. I love the women.

134. Hey, there's more to life than this job.

135. No offense, you understand.

136. I'm no swinger. Not Louis.

137. I want to settle down and share. It would be beautiful.

138. Hey, these machines are great. They're amazing.

139. I tried a computer dating service once.

140. Wound up with a midget.

141. I mean, I'm not a fussy man, but... [whistles, chuckles]

142. Louis, tell me, do you like children?

143. - They're lovely.

144. Well, uh, do you know all the kids' names by now?

145. Uh, well, are they sitting alphabetically? I -

146. See, I want a - I want someone to share my life.

147. Marriage is a natural thing and I'm a natural man.

148. Louis, I'd like to teach you the lotus position.

149. Well, Moonstone, I'd like to learn it, but I sit all day at work,

150. so not quite real flexible.

151. It's really quite simple.

152. Just take one foot, place it on the opposite thigh very gently.

153. This is the most awesome yoga position.

154. Well, if it's awesome.

155. Take the other f-

156. Here. This one goes here.

157. Very gently.

158. - Now, careful. Careful.

159. Very gently.

160. - Here. Let -

161. No, no, that's - that's a different position.

162. Back this way, Louis.

163. There. Oh, you're doing very well.

164. Got it?

165. It's close. Very good!

166. Well, I suppose these freeways made this town

167. and a lot of others like it possible.

168. They're the cathedrals of our time, someone said.

169. Not me.

170. You know, around here they have names for the various kinds of freeway drivers.

171. "The Slingshotter."

172. "The Adventurer."

173. "The Marshmallow."

174. "The Nomad."

175. A-And "The Weaver."

176. Yup, it's fancy driving, all right.

177. You know, things that never had names before

178. are now easily described.

179. Makes conversation easy.

180. I have something to say about the difference between American and European cities.

181. But I forgot what it is.

182. I have it written down at home somewhere.

183. You like music?

184. I know.

185. Everybody says they do.

186. Look.

187. I personally believe I can see Fort Worth from here.

188. Most people around here have eaten dinner already.

189. Don't want to be late. Know what I mean?

190. Or do you?

191. You gotta see this.

192. This might be part of Virgil's Celebration of Specialness.

193. Or it might not be.

194. You might have seen it on television,

195. or maybe you missed it.

196. Hope you don't mind loud music.

197. All right, friends, we want to welcome you.

198. The Crazy Cajun kinda talking at you here in Virgil City tonight,

199. where everybody always has a good time.

200. We're going to pass you some of that good time tonight.

201. Yeah, it's this ol' drink where they mix about six different kinds of liquor in it,

202. but it don't taste too strong, see.

203. Would you like a raffle ticket? They're 2.50 for the car.

204. Thanks, Sonya.

205. You, you are the video in my mind, honey!

206. I feel like getting drunk tonight. How about you?

207. When I was a nurse in Vietnam,

208. I was stuck out in the middle of the jungle with the real Rambo.

209. He had the hots for me.

210. I mean, he was drivin' me crazy.

211. Hmm.

212. Course, it'd be difficult for anybody not to fall in love with you in that humidity.

213. And then I saved his life about 50 times.

214. I bet you've seen me here before.

215. I'm the dancing bear.

216. - Hi, Louis. - Hey.

217. - You gonna dance in the show on Friday? - Yeah, yeah.

218. - But - - Excuse us.

219. I'm still having trouble with the ladies.

220. Buddy, I tell ya,

221. in fact, there are a half million more single guys than there are gals,

222. and the competition is tough.

223. We're gonna have a good time, do it to it and...

224. Most of them just want to swing or aren't really serious.

225. - Some of these gals are as bad as the guys.

226. How you like them bananas there, people?

227. - That's mine there. - I'll take the red one.

228. We got us a song coming up called "Wild, Wild Life."

229. I tell you, we want you to lip-sing along with us.

230. But wait a minute. Don't do it now. Let me tell ya about my set, you see.

231. Did you see Jason's here tonight?

232. - Hey, Ramon. How are you? - How's it going?

233. - Good to see you. - Partying?

234. - Yeah, a little bit. - Want me to read your tones, man?

235. Yeah. Go ahead.

236. Relax.

237. - Chihuahua. Whew.

238. Hey, don't worry about it. You're going to be all right.

239. You're gonna be all right. Take it easy. See you later, man.

240. Now, I guaran-damn-tee you, you know, traveling is my life.

241. I just work at Varicorp for a hobby.

242. - Let's go, mellow!

243. - ? He bought some wild, wild life?

244. The El Paso Border Patrol picks up and returns to Juárez -

245. Louis told me he heard about a woman who lives around here

246. and never gets out of bed.

247. She's not sick.

248. She's got enough money she doesn't have to.

249. Hey, wouldn't you?

250. If I ever went downstairs, I might be surprised, huh?

251. It's clean down there, isn't it, Roberto?

252. Hi!

253. That girl does a good job, doesn't she?

254. It's so clean, it scares me.

255. You know you have a beauty operator coming over later.

256. Yeah. Hey, how should I have her do me this time?

257. Should I get it moussed?

258. Ooh! Oh, look at that. There's a look.

259. What do you think about the gals on this show?

260. These people have too much metal on them, Miss Rollings.

261. - They are reflecting kind of people. - You're right.

262. Hey, how are those shares of Varicorp doing?

263. - Oh, about 30, 40, somethin' like that. - Is that all?

264. - That's about it. - Well, I'm not surprised.

265. Cheap little pig shits.

266. It's the same all over.

267. Bunch of maniacs out there.

268. You know how hot dogs come 10 to a pack

269. and buns in packs of eight or 12?

270. You've gotta buy nine packs to make 'em all match up!

271. That's what I'm talking about.

272. Rosie, were you doing the rumba?

273. Since this mall opened, C. R. Anthony, JC Penney

274. and even Duke & Ayers have all pulled out of downtown Virgil.

275. Shoppers here will go wherever the bargains are,

276. wherever it's convenient to shop.

277. They don't care if they shop in a funky old building downtown

278. or in a clean, modern place like this.

279. - See, they're wise to advertisers' claims.

280. In a place like this, they can comparison shop.

281. Everybody could hardly wait until the mall opened.

282. - Said Margie Ortiz. - I go there just about every weekend.

283. So do two of the other girls from work.

284. - See? I told you.

285. The shopping mall has replaced the town square

286. as the center of many American cities.

287. Shopping itself has become the activity...

288. - Oh, hi! - ... that brings people together.

289. - And here, the music's always playing.

290. What time is it?

291. No time to look back.

292. "Starving Peasants Sell Their Bodies to Vampires for Blood Money."

293. Stores here are pretty clean.

294. The air is fresh, there's plenty of parking,

295. plenty of space to walk around.

296. - Hi. - How are you?

297. - How come you're not at work? - Oh, I'm working on a project at home.

298. - Aha. - I send signals up.

299. - Oh, to satellites and things like that? - Well, further than that, I hope.

300. Oh.

301. Hey, listen, I gotta get to work before all hell breaks loose.

302. - See you. - Don't let me stop you.

303. People here are inventing their own system of beliefs.

304. They're creating it...

305. doing it, selling it,

306. making it up as they go along.

307. Driving.

308. Not only driving, but parking.

309. Hey, there's Louis!

310. - Hi! How you doin'? - Hey. Pretty good. How you doin'?

311. Did you have any luck at the club the other night?

312. Yeah.

313. Women are too wild. I had a good time anyway.

314. - Look at these women.

315. - Yeah. A little old for me.

316. - What are you doing here? - I'm just looking around.

317. I thought I'd check out that fashion show down there.

318. - Aha. - Part of the Celebration.

319. - Twins. - Yeah. That's Carol and Daryl.

320. I knew their mama in high school. She's a twin too.

321. Hi, twins!

322. Ah, I just thought I'd check it out. Maybe I'd pick up a few fashion tips.

323. - Uh-huh. - Uh, you know I'm -

324. I'm very aware of my appearance.

325. - I've noticed. - Yeah.

326. Well, just check these out here.

327. - Those are great! - Yeah.

328. Yep.

329. Like the song says, "It's a scientific lifestyle."

330. - Hmm.

331. - Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. - I don't know that one.

332. Welcome to another lovely event for the Celebration of Specialness.

333. Today we have a fashion show

334. and I think it's gonna be somethin' that you'll just love.

335. It's very unusual.

336. So come on! Let's bring on the show!

337. From the Dream Factory, a bonanza of beauty!

338. - This place is filled with women. - Aren't they great?

339. Uh, I'd like to remind you there's another event this coming Friday night...

340. That's Kay Culver.

341. for the Celebration of Specialness.

342. She's married to Earl. You've heard of him?

343. Mm-hmm.

344. Well, he pretty much single-handedly brought Varicorp to Virgil.

345. - First, take the 285 -

346. I bet this mall wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him.

347. Oh, yeah? I'm having dinner with them later.

348. Well, listen, I heard -

349. I heard that Earl and Kay haven't spoken to one another in years.

350. At least, not directly.

351. Do you believe it?

352. Okay.

353. What time is it?

354. If everyone notices, maybe it's too much.

355. But where would we be?

356. 29.95 is a pretty good price.

357. With six outfits and as many combinations,

358. well, the possibilities are endless.

359. Shopping is a feeling.

360. Sometimes I get a wobbly feeling.

361. I have a commercial feeling.

362. Be sexy in business.

363. - Be successful at night.

364. - Think of where you'll be each day... - I stole it off a spaceship.

365. and coordinate your outfits to match!

366. Let the children do the shopping.

367. If the room is pink, you're in the pink.

368. You have arrived. It's all you.

369. There ought to be a law.

370. Hmm!

371. - ? Hard to forget? - [applause, cheering]

372. - Darling!

373. You know, I don't think I've felt this way before.

374. I know. Me neither.

375. My s-stomach feels all fluttery.

376. It's great though, huh?

377. Yeah, I-I guess.

378. But people at work must think I'm going nuts though.

379. Well, if this is being nuts, then I don't ever want to be sane.

380. Um, did you fart?

381. Yeah, I'm in the construction business.

382. Got work going on at five sites right now.

383. Bought me a condo last week.

384. Shoot, real close to here, as a matter of fact.

385. And next week I just think I might buy me another house.

386. Darlin', I'll tell you what now, I just have a feel for it.

387. You know what I mean?

388. Course, being overly psychic sure doesn't hurt anything.

389. It's paid off for me.

390. Listen, Mr. Frye, I'll tell you som-

391. - Fyne. Louis. - Fyne, uh -

392. Louis darlin', listen, I'll tell you something

393. if you promise not to tell another living soul.

394. Now, I'd never tell this to anybody else,

395. but I believe that part of my extra-psychic ability

396. is connected up with the fact that I was born with a tail.

397. A little ol' bitty, hairy thing about that long.

398. Had it surgically removed when I was just five years old.

399. My mama kept it in a fruit jar up in the medicine cabinet,

400. right between the 4 Way Cold Tablets and the monkey blood.

401. I'd get up every morning.

402. First thing, I'd go in there in the bathroom, brush my teeth,

403. and stare at my own tail at the same time.

404. Now, something like that can give you power, and that's the truth.

405. Then Mama got a wild hair one Sunday

406. and she decided to go make a lot of money off it, you know.

407. Took it out to a big ol' swap meet

408. and sold it to Lyndon Johnson's top Secret Service agent.

409. And he told a good, personal friend of mine

410. that he was gonna sell it for even more money to the Smithsonian Institute.

411. Shoot, he might as well! It wouldn't do him any good.

412. It wasn't his tail.

413. Gee, I'll tell you, I could write a book. That thing'd be a best seller.

414. You know, that's funny. You mentioned writing. I'm...

415. kind of a writer myself.

416. - Is that right? - Yeah.

417. I wrote me a little song I wanna do at the show Friday.

418. - That's great! - Yeah, I hope - hope it turns out all right.

419. - I'm a little nervous. - Oh, don't be nervous.

420. Songs are easy.

421. I wrote "Billie Jean" and half of Elvis's songs.

422. - Elvis? - Hell, yes.

423. They pay me and I keep quiet.

424. Somebody's gotta do it.

425. Excuse me just a minute, pumpkin. I'll be right back. Okay?

426. Oh, sure, sure.

427. I'll be right here.

428. Shall we take a moment and give our thanks? Hmm?

429. Amen.

430. Linda, will you ask your father to pass this down to our guest?

431. This looks great, Mrs. Culver.

432. - Dad, will you pass this down? - Oh. Yes.

433. Larry, would you pass this down, please?

434. - Thank you.

435. Linda, would you ask your mother to pass the mustard to our guest, please.

436. Um, Mom, Dad wants the mustard.

437. Oh.

438. - Dear? - Mmm. Thank you.

439. - Whoops. - Look out for your water now.

440. Here, you take this, pass it down to our guest.

441. And let me grab one of these. Oh, they're colorful. What are they, fish?

442. Linda, would you ask your mom how the fashion show went today. Okay?

443. Sure, Dad. Mom, how'd it go today?

444. Oh, Linda. You tell him it was just wonderful.

445. Although one woman did have an accident, but it wasn't anything serious.

446. You should've been there. You would've been real proud of me.

447. She said it went great, Dad.

448. - You should have been there. - Well, maybe next time.

449. I was there. I liked it.

450. I'd never seen anything like that, Mrs. Culver.

451. I'd never been to one of those things before.

452. Do you do that every year?

453. Oh, no. This is just for the sesquicentennial.

454. Oh, yeah? You guys gonna be in the parade?

455. Yeah! And Anderson Auto is lending us a red convertible for it too.

456. - Hmm. - Mmm, that's right.

457. You know, Larry here may have a future at Varicorp.

458. With his young discipline and systems consciousness, he could go a long way.

459. And Varicorp is growing like there's no tomorrow.

460. - Hmm. - Let me show you what I think is going on.

461. - [orchestral strings playing, faint] - Do you hear music?

462. Something wrong with your sister?

463. Mainframe.

464. Microprocessor.

465. - Semiconductor. - All right, Dad!

466. Now, if this is the town

467. and here is the workplace,

468. with its goods...

469. and distribution network.

470. Ah, now, most middle-class people have worked for large corporations like Varicorp.

471. Or for the government itself.

472. But now all that's started to change.

473. Scientists and engineers are moving off from those large corporations like Varicorp

474. and they're beginning to start their own companies,

475. marketing new inventions.

476. Excuse me, Mr. Culver.

477. I forgot what these peppers represent.

478. - Aha! It all spins back to the middle. - [orchestral strings continue playing, louder]

479. Here we are, right here in Virgil.

480. Our way of doing business has been based on the past.

481. That's why we have to keep these guys in Virgil,

482. even though they do leave Varicorp.

483. For the time being it's created confusion and chaos.

484. - They don't work for money anymore.

485. Or to earn a place in heaven,

486. which was a big motivating factor once upon a time, believe you me.

487. They're working and inventing because they like it.

488. - Economics has become a spiritual thing.

489. I must admit it frightens me a little bit.

490. They don't seem to see the difference between working...

491. and not working.

492. It's all become a part of one's life.

493. Linda. Larry.

494. There's no concept of weekends anymore.

495. It thrills me.

496. It thrills me!

497. We can build a nation inside a nation

498. right where we are.

499. The choice is yours.

500. I'm not a joiner.

501. I'm not a member of the John Birch Society

502. or the Communist Party.

503. But let's look at what's happened to the national morals

504. since World War II.

505. We lost the Vietnam War.

506. The movies and the television

507. are filled with characters I don't even want to know.

508. - Not in this life. - Amen!

509. - The farmer's in trouble.

510. - The small businessman is in trouble.

511. Unemployment is skyrocketing!

512. Amen!

513. Texas is still paying for John Kennedy's death, my friends.

514. It was love that killed John F. Kennedy!

515. He should have never messed with me.

516. "Oh, no, I know nothing, Your Honor."

517. They want me to speak on 60 Minutes.

518. Mike Wallace wants my body.

519. I don't tell a soul.

520. Well, they gave me so much money. What could I do?

521. - Uh... thank you.

522. That's exactly what I'm talking about.

523. Now, let's look at who's been running this country

524. since World War II.

525. They have some involvement

526. in all of these.

527. What is the link?

528. What do cars have to do with books, you might ask?

529. The Trilateral Commission with the Council on Foreign Relations.

530. Did you ever hear of them?

531. Well, neither did I,

532. until I noticed the chain of coincidence.

533. - They have members

534. on the boards of all the largest corporations.

535. Not one detail has been left out. Am I right? Do you feel it?

536. Yes! Uh-huh!

537. Do you know what Bobby Ray Inman was doing before he was running

538. the microelectronics and the Computer Tech Corporation?

539. Well, guess!

540. A CIA director!

541. - [congregation gasping, murmuring] - It's public knowledge.

542. Do you run out of Kleenex, paper towels and toilet paper at the same time?

543. - You know it's true! - It's all true!

544. You remember how Governor White campaigned to get the MCC here.

545. - Do you know what their goal is? Huh?

546. Well, Elvis did!

547. Artificial intelligence! Huh?

548. Robots! Oh, they'd like that, wouldn't they?

549. Yes, sir! Sleep! Sleep!

550. One and one does not equal two! No, sir! No, sir!

551. Silicon Gulch! Silicon Prairie!

552. Silicon Hill! Silicon Valley!

553. You'd better wake up.

554. ? Puzzling evidence?

555. ? Puzzling evidence?

556. Y'all listenin'?

557. ? Puzzling?

558. ? Puzzling?

559. - ? You got? - ? Puzzling evidence?

560. ? Puzzling evidence?

561. Are you listenin'? What I'm sayin' is real.

562. ? Huh, huh?

563. - ? I'm puzzlin'? - ? Huh?

564. - ? I'm puzzlin'? - ? Huh?

565. - ? I'm puzzlin'? - ? Huh?

566. - ? I'm puzzlin'? - ? Huh?

567. It's true!

568. All right, now, you all listen to what I've been telling you today. You hear?

569. All right!

570. choir] ? Huh, huh?

571. Look at this.

572. Who can say it isn't beautiful?

573. Sky.

574. Bricks.

575. Who do you think lives there?

576. Four-car garage.

577. Hope.

578. Fear.

579. Excitement.

580. Satisfaction.

581. I'm gonna give you a, uh - a clear vista

582. of the edge of, uh, the civilized world.

583. You see, it's like a game of leap frog.

584. These houses, you know, they just keep extending the town out

585. further and further every year.

586. It's kind of weird for the first person that moves into a community like this.

587. - I'll bet it is. - But you know, it's an imaginary landscape.

588. A place to raise your kids.

589. Course, nowadays, not everyone's having kids, not with the end of the world coming up and all.

590. I mean, uh, would you?

591. - No, no. Not at all. - No.

592. Well, not until after tomorrow, after the show, huh?

593. - Uh - Oh, good morning, boys. - Howdy.

594. - How you doing? Working hard, I see. - Yes, sir.

595. A little coffee break?

596. You know, it's strange, when you look at a field and you say,

597. "Now, I want a bathroom there and a kitchen over here."

598. Now, imagine that.

599. Here's a field. Take a look out.

600. Picture a house. Picture a lot of houses.

601. What else is a field good for but building houses?

602. Don't you agree?

603. - ? Hey now, now?

604. Texas is the largest producer of metal buildings.

605. Metal buildings are the dream that modern architects had

606. at the beginning of this century finally come true.

607. But they themselves don't realize it.

608. That's because it doesn't take an architect to build a metal building.

609. You just order 'em out of a catalog.

610. Just pick out your color, the size you want, number of square feet,

611. what style, what you need it for.

612. Comes with a bunch of guys. They put it together in a couple of days.

613. Maybe a week. And there you go. You're all set to go into business.

614. Just slap a sign in front.

615. Drive on over. Drive it. Oh.

616. - He's gon' get killed! Watch out!

617. Black + Decker's automatic shut-off iron.

618. Because even those with the best memories can forget to turn their irons off.

619. - Oh! Oh, look at him. Look at that bald spot!

620. I was so impressed, I bought the company.

621. - Ah! Lucy!

622. I love you, Lucy!

623. - Oh. Ooh! - AT&T up 7/8ths.

624. That's a big one.

625. - Live at Five!

626. - News at Ten.

627. News at Seven. News at Nine. News at Eight.

628. - News at 11:30. - With us on the action line -

629. Suits and ties?

630. Hey, Robert, seen this one?

631. Or your money back.

632. - For how you play.

633. - Oh, baby. Work that hair! - ? And I forgot my name?

634. Work it!

635. - ? We're in cities at night? - Go!

636. - ? And we ain't got time on our hands? - They move like sticks.

637. - That little boy's in a straitjacket. - ? And you're rolling in a blender?

638. - He must have done something bad. - ? With me?

639. - Oh! Ooh, I like that. - ? I got love for sale?

640. Think they're aerobicizing.

641. - ? Got love for sale? - Ooh, a kissing cookie.

642. I hate that stuff. It doesn't work.

643. - Love chocolate. - ? I'll be a video for you?

644. Ha! It's great!

645. - ? If you turn my dial? - They got that commercial attitude.

646. - I think they're selling something. - ? Got love for sale?

647. Today, doesn't someone besides you deserve Mon Chéri?

648. Mon Chéri, the brand of fine chocolates Europeans treasure most.

649. Thanks, and have a happy day.

650. Hello. I'm Louis Fyne and I'm looking for matrimony with a capital "M."

651. I believe in the joys and contentment of matrimony.

652. Now, my chances in this world that prints a new diet book every month

653. may not be that good.

654. I'm looking for someone who can accept me for what I am.

655. I'm 6'3" tall and maintain a very consistent panda bear shape.

656. I'm pleased with the way God made me.

657. I wouldn't change a thing.

658. I'm willing to share.

659. Won't you please call this number?

660. 844-W-I-F-E.

661. That's 844-WIFE.

662. Please call.

663. Serious inquiries only.

664. Mmm.

665. Can you believe that?

666. So, um, Louis,

667. what kind of hobbies do you have?

668. Do you have any pets?

669. No, I don't have any pets. I, uh -

670. - Oh. - I had a dog when I was a boy.

671. Buster. He was a big old thing.

672. - What kind? - Oh, he was every which way.

673. - He's a Heinz 57, I think they call it. - Oh, was he?

674. - Yeah, one of them. - Well, they can be awful cute.

675. - Yeah. - The little fluffy kind.

676. Yeah, when they come, you know how they give 'em to you in a basket?

677. They're cute like that.

678. Well, I like music a whole lot.

679. - What kind of music? - Oh, country music.

680. - You like country music? - Oh, you know I do.

681. Not that Hollywood country.

682. Oh. Hank Williams and Merle Haggard

683. and... Tammy and Lefty and Patsy.

684. - Oh, yeah. - Mm-hmm.

685. You know, I think music is one of the sweetest things.

686. And if it's sweet, it's probably cute.

687. You just can't have enough sweetness in this world.

688. No, ma'am, you can't.

689. Yeah. As a matter of fact, I've written a little song myself

690. I'm going to sing at the show tomorrow night.

691. It's about my life. What else do I know, huh?

692. - I'll give you a little sneak preview right here. - Would you?

693. You hold on right there. I hope you like it.

694. It would mean a lot to Louis.

695. - Ta-da!

696. What did you think?

697. You know, when you're singing, your eye sockets go back in your head

698. and it makes your eyes get beady.

699. Well, what about my music?

700. It's awful sad.

701. I couldn't have that kind of sadness in my life.

702. Do you really feel that way?

703. I never thought about it.

704. Maybe I am kind of sad. I like sad songs.

705. They make me want to lie on the floor.

706. Louis the Bear on the floor.

707. I guess I'll go now.

708. Sorry.

709. It was nice talking to you.

710. Louis the Bear...

711. out the door.

712. Good-bye.

713. Cheer up.

714. A little more bottom.

715. - Always a little more bottom.

716. Great. Okay, let's go to number two.

717. - Ramon!

718. - You can't come in without paying. - No, I don't want to stay and dance.

719. - I just want to talk to my friend, Ramon. - I don't care. You're not coming in.

720. He's the guy on that little organ over there.

721. Three dollars?

722. I'm just gonna come right back out.

723. - Ramon! - Hey, Louis!

724. Can you wait five minutes, man? I got a break.

725. No. Did you talk to him?

726. Yeah, man. You got the photograph?

727. You got the bucka, the cash?

728. Thanks.

729. Hold it right there.

730. Hey, Officer. What's going on here?

731. - Get out of here. - I said freeze!

732. What's going on here?

733. - Don't answer! Don't answer.

734. Wow.

735. Ramon gave me this address.

736. Oh, hi. Come on in.

737. Did you bring a photograph?

738. Thank you.

739. You know, I'm new at this.

740. Don't matter. You don't have to believe.

741. If you follow directions, you can't go wrong.

742. Mmm. Hmm.

743. You want to attract love.

744. How'd you know?

745. Your heart is too large.

746. You're an honest man.

747. Matrimony, it's my life.

748. I want to share my life.

749. I've tried everything.

750. Often our true nature is not what we hope it is.

751. But, you, in your case,

752. you're drawn to love.

753. Whatever you think is what you'll get.

754. Love must be drawn to you.

755. Why don't I take care of this here.

756. Discharge the negative forces you have involuntarily received.

757. Remove anything that's metallic.

758. Now, this will take some time.

759. Um, I'm gonna sing tomorrow night.

760. - Will this help? - I'll work on you tonight and tomorrow.

761. Mm-hmm. Take this.

762. Close it. Like that.

763. Now, drink three soda waters a day. Drink half and throw half away.

764. - Drink half and throw half away. - Yeah.

765. Think positive.

766. Don't let nothing enter into your mind that's negative.

767. If you do that and have faith and believe, you got it.

768. It's done.

769. Go and enjoy your love life.

770. Sayonara.

771. Today, ladies and gentlemen,

772. all of our friends and neighbors from Virgil, Texas,

773. a very special welcome.

774. This is the Celebration of Specialness.

775. When the flag goes by in just a few moments,

776. we want all of you to show Mom and Dad that we can be respectful

777. to our national flag.

778. Introducing the famous Soul Pom Pom Girls,

779. Cedar Crest Comets.

780. And, ladies and gentlemen, just look at the youth and vivacious experience

781. of those young pom pom girls.

782. Teenagers with a purpose in mind.

783. The lowriders.

784. The lawn mower brigade.

785. This is sponsored by Whitehead Hardwood Store.

786. Entry number nine.

787. A very, very famous group here in this part of Texas,

788. the Pleasant Oak Majorettes.

789. And notice that beautiful purple and silver that they're wearing.

790. They're sponsored by our very own Misses Fashion Depot.

791. And they've got plenty of special talent.

792. Ladies and gentlemen, the Pleasant Oak Majorettes.

793. - Hey! - Oh, hey!

794. - The Bear.

795. - How you doing? Look at that hat. - Great outfit.

796. Thank you, thank you. Feeling good.

797. Introducing Earl and Kay Culver and their two lovely children, Linda and Larry.

798. - You know, I usually don't like parades. - No.

799. But this one's different.

800. In fact, it's the first time in 30 years.

801. Earl, we want to thank you for all the work that you've done.

802. All the committees. And you've been great.

803. We want to salute you, okay?

804. Few people know he's got a bull tattooed on his stomach.

805. Earl Culver?

806. Coming all the way from Sunset High School to be in Virgil's special parade,

807. the ivory and gold of Sunset High School.

808. - Ladies and gentlemen - - Bye. See you Monday.

809. Listen to this beautiful music.

810. Zé Pereira!

811. Zé Pereira!

812. I'll guarantee you, ladies and gentlemen,

813. here's something you will not see in many parades.

814. Our very famous visitors,

815. the Red Mustang Shriners!

816. A big hand of applause.

817. I want you to notice that they're driving with one hand.

818. We've got a very special surprise.

819. I'll bet there's not another parade in the country that's got babies.

820. Here they come. Here they come!

821. Isn't that adorable?

822. Oh, they're so cute!

823. No. These - Look at those two!

824. Would you look at those two babies?

825. - Oh!

826. I'm melting!

827. This - Oh, boy.

828. Hi there.

829. Do you know what a little doll you are?

830. Let's give a big, big hand to the Accordion Band of Virgil.

831. And, fans, don't forget the show tonight.

832. It's sponsored by Varicorp.

833. It's all local talent.

834. Now, don't forget, that's tonight. The big show.

835. There'll be chairs for your convenience, so you don't have to sit on your coolers.

836. Let's see.

837. Take, uh, 157 to 287,

838. and then a left at the Kmart,

839. and then go two miles.

840. I'm really getting used to these outfits.

841. They sell a lot of 'em, but I don't see anybody else wearing them.

842. Hi out there. Good evening and welcome.

843. Welcome to our talent show under the stars.

844. Before we begin, I want to just tell you a little story

845. that I heard about Texas recently in a local tavern.

846. Seems as though God was working around the earth here,

847. trying to make it beautiful, just like the rest of the world.

848. He had to knock off because it was nighttime.

849. He said, "I'll come back tomorrow and make it just as pretty as the rest of the world,

850. with lakes and streams and mountains and trees."

851. Then he got back the next day and he saw that the ground

852. had completely hardened like concrete.

853. And he didn't want to begin all over again, no.

854. In his infinite wisdom, he had an idea.

855. He said, "I know what I'll do.

856. I'll make some people that like it this way."

857. I want you to welcome this first act here.

858. They'll tell you more about Texas in five seconds than you'd ever want to know.

859. I want you to welcome, please,

860. Charles Connour, Norm Seaton, and Randy Erwin.

861. - All right.

862. All right, ladies and gentlemen, I'll bid 10, and 50, 20, 10, 50, 20.

863. Fifty, 20 and 50, 30 and 20, 20 and 50, 30.

864. Twenty, make it a 30, 30 make it a 40, 40 make it a 50, 50 make it 60, 60 make it 70.

865. - Fifty, 60. 60 - - I can talk that fast.

866. No.

867. Five 10, five 20, five 10, put up a 20.

868. Twenty-five 10, put up a 20. Thirty! Thirty! Put up a 30. I'll pass for you.

869. Thirty. Put up a 40. Fifty. Fifty. Put up a 50 on five. Forty and 50.

870. Five and a half, 60 and a five, 60, make it five 75.

871. 600. Now 10. And 10, 600 and 10, 10, 10, give me 10.

872. Now bid 620. 620, put it with 630. 620, put it with 30, bid 40.

873. 640, put it with 50, 650.

874. 650, six, six, six, 670, eight.

875. Put it 670, makes it - 700 ought to be enough. 710.

876. 710. Go to 15. 720. 710, put up a 20.

877. 710 makes 720, stuck on 710. 710, give me 720. Put up a 20.

878. 710, now 20, put up a 30. Keep a 30, put up a 30.

879. Put up a 40. Forty, 40, up to 50.

880. - [audience cheering, applauding]

881. Yeah! Whoo!

882. Divine order, take charge of my life today and every day.

883. All things work together for good for me today.

884. This is a new and wonderful day for me.

885. There will never be another one like this one.

886. I'm divinely guided all day long.

887. And whatever I do will prosper.

888. Divine love, enfold me, surround me and enrapt me.

889. And I will go forth in peace.

890. I am going to be a wonderful success in all of my undertakings today.

891. And you are going to be happy...

892. from now on.

893. Shoot, they been begging me to be the lead singer for this band,

894. but my managers won't let me do anything, you know, local or anything amateur.

895. Then they decided I was too much like Pat Benatar.

896. Yohimbe. Yohimbe.

897. Cimalo. Guede nimbo.

898. Oh.

899. - I just came to wish you good luck. - ? Del tiempo?

900. Well, bless your heart.

901. You tell him that I never want to see him again.

902. That goes for the state capitol as well.

903. How often have I told you not to mix with that oil field trash?

904. What I do is between me and Rick.

905. How about them old line dancers?

906. - I don't think they'd fit in my house.

907. Oh, yes. Now wasn't that nice?

908. Now, ladies and gentlemen, I want you to welcome the Country Bachelors.

909. Hello?

910. Yes.

911. This place is a dream palace.

912. - Confidentially, he did ask me first. - Did you see the catalog?

913. - Oh, no, I didn't. - Oh, it's gorgeous!

914. - You have to look at it. - Oh. Well, you're gorgeous.

915. You saw this, didn't you? Cute, ain't it?

916. I think we chose right. Do you like the colors?

917. - Oh, well, I love turquoise. - I think you can see Varicorp from here.

918. Hey, Louis. Where you going on your honeymoon?

919. The Bear is staying with me.

920. I think he's from Pluto. Or he might be from Venus.

921. You know, he is real good-looking.

922. This is not a rental car.

923. This is privately owned.

924. Well, I really enjoy forgetting.

925. When I first come to a place, I notice all the little details.

926. I notice the way the sky looks, the color of white paper,

927. the way people walk, doorknobs.

928. Everything.

929. Then I get used to the place and I don't notice those things anymore.

930. So only by forgetting

931. can I see the place again as it really is.