1. Alpa Chino!Copy !req
2. We're loadedCopy !req
3. I love the pussy, hell, yeahCopy !req
4. I love the pussy, hell, yeahCopy !req
5. I love that pussy
dripping down to the floor, oh, noCopy !req
6. The wettest pussy, hell, yeah
I love the pussy, hell, yeahCopy !req
7. I'm drinking up
your Booty Sweat and busting a nutCopy !req
8. Alpa Chino got that pussy controlCopy !req
9. Alpa Chino's Booty Sweat.Copy !req
10. Pop an ass open!Copy !req
11. Booty Sweat and Bust-A-Nut bars
available at concessions now.Copy !req
12. In 2013, when the Earth's rotation
came to a halt...Copy !req
13. The President has declared
all of North America a disaster area.Copy !req
14. I call on my fellow Americans
to come together...Copy !req
15. the world called on the one man
who could make a difference.Copy !req
16. When it happened again,
the world called on him once more.Copy !req
17. And no one saw it coming
three more times!Copy !req
18. Now,Copy !req
19. the one man who made a difference
five times before,Copy !req
20. is about to make a difference again.Copy !req
21. Only this time, it's different.Copy !req
22. Who left the fridge open?Copy !req
23. Tugg Speedman.Copy !req
24. Scorcher Vl: Global Meltdown.Copy !req
25. Here we go again.Copy !req
26. Again.Copy !req
27. Will there be anything else?Copy !req
28. Yes, my dear man. More beans.Copy !req
29. Granny!Copy !req
30. Please!Copy !req
31. This summer,
America's favorite obese family is back.Copy !req
32. Gross!Copy !req
33. - You're just mad 'cause I'm skinny.
- Am not!Copy !req
34. Jeff Portnoy.Copy !req
35. Jeff Portnoy.Copy !req
36. Jeff Portnoy.Copy !req
37. And Jeff Portnoy are
The Fatties: Fart Two.Copy !req
38. In some countries,Copy !req
39. it's considered a compliment.Copy !req
40. Letting loose this summer.Copy !req
41. In a time where to be different
was to be condemned,Copy !req
42. and to be condemned was to die,Copy !req
43. one man chose to question his God.Copy !req
44. From Fox Searchlight,Copy !req
45. five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk LazarusCopy !req
46. and MTV Movie Award
Best Kiss winner Tobey Maguire.Copy !req
47. Winner of the Beijing Film Festival's
coveted Crying Monkey Award,Copy !req
48. Satan's Alley.Copy !req
49. I've been a bad, bad boy, Father.Copy !req
50. In the winter of 1969,Copy !req
51. an elite force of the U.S. ArmyCopy !req
52. was sent on a top-secret assignment
in southeast Vietnam.Copy !req
53. The objective,
rescue Sergeant Four Leaf TaybackCopy !req
54. from a heavily guarded
NVA Prison Camp.Copy !req
55. The mission was considered
to be near suicide.Copy !req
56. Of the 10 men sent, four returned.Copy !req
57. Of those four, three wrote books
about what happened.Copy !req
58. Of those three, two were published.Copy !req
59. Of those two, just one got a movie deal.Copy !req
60. This is the story of the men
who attempted to make that movie.Copy !req
61. Whiskey Fire Old Snake
requests an LZ prepCopy !req
62. at Alpha-Delta-two-four-eight-niner,
over.Copy !req
63. Floyd, this is lead. Right echelon
approach from RP to LZ, acknowledge.Copy !req
64. Floyd, Wall-Eye airborne.
Welcome aboard.Copy !req
65. All right, lead's going in.
Give her some cover.Copy !req
66. Delivery on five.
I repeat, delivery on five.Copy !req
67. This is Zero-Three.
I'm on your six, don't worry.Copy !req
68. Chalk-Three's taking fire.
Guns right, guns right.Copy !req
69. Lay that shit down!Copy !req
70. Come on!Copy !req
71. Come on, you damn dirty heathens!Copy !req
72. Fats! Run your motherfucking ass
over there,Copy !req
73. hold these men off, now!Copy !req
74. We're fixing to lift off!Copy !req
75. Put some pep in your step, dick!
Jelly-ass bitch!Copy !req
76. Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye,
this is Boomer One-Seven in the Zee!Copy !req
77. I need fast movers
on my Yankee Smoke, copy?Copy !req
78. Boomer, this is Wall-Eye.
I got two-Alpha-fourCopy !req
79. - snake and nape on the ready!
- Oh, Jesus! Holy shit!Copy !req
80. Holy shit!Copy !req
81. Get on that horn
and get some firepower, boy!Copy !req
82. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
83. Listen, you cherry fuck,Copy !req
84. you call in that snake and nape
and get us some boom-boom now!Copy !req
85. I'd do it myself
but I'm kind of goddamn busy!Copy !req
86. I need an answer, Boomer!Copy !req
87. Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye!Copy !req
88. I copy!Copy !req
89. We got beaucoup zips in the zee.Copy !req
90. Rock and roll!Copy !req
91. What the fuck?Copy !req
92. That's for Brooklyn, motherfucker!Copy !req
93. I think I can put it back in!Copy !req
94. We got to get back to the bird.Copy !req
95. Lukemeyer's got popped!Copy !req
96. This is the last Christmas
I spend with Victor Charlie up my ass!Copy !req
97. Want some? Get some!Copy !req
98. Hey, yo, Fats! I ain't seen Four Leaf!Copy !req
99. Don't count him out! That bastard's
got luck tattooed to his ass!Copy !req
100. Don't count him out! That bastard's
got luck tattooed to his ass!Copy !req
101. Motown, get your Detroit jukebox
Jheri curl assCopy !req
102. in this chickenshit chop-chop! ASAFP!Copy !req
103. Four Leaf is still
outside the perimeter, Sarge!Copy !req
104. Miss me with that cracker chump jive!
We di di mau! We di di mau!Copy !req
105. Come on, Sarge. Stop jiving.
Four Leaf is there.Copy !req
106. Dead meat, soldier!Copy !req
107. Or do you want to be a hero?Copy !req
108. That's just how Brooks
got his Jew ass killed, man.Copy !req
109. And Meatball's dago ass
bought the six-by-three farm.Copy !req
110. Now get your ass up in the Huey, before
I stomp a trench in your hiney hole!Copy !req
111. Come on, get down, get down!Copy !req
112. What am I looking at? What is this?Copy !req
113. Come on, let's get, let's go!
Come on, elevator up, up!Copy !req
114. Sarge. It's Four Leaf.Copy !req
115. No!Copy !req
116. You get out of that hole!Copy !req
117. You make it home, now.Copy !req
118. Survive!Copy !req
119. I hope y'all like hamburger meat.Copy !req
120. 'Cause that's exactly what
I'm gonna be bringing backCopy !req
121. and serving up in this whirly bird.Copy !req
122. Cover me, you limp dick fuckups!Copy !req
123. Peek-a-boo! I see you!Copy !req
124. Hold on, Four Leaf!Copy !req
125. Oh, shit!Copy !req
126. Watch my right!Copy !req
127. Fuck you, Charlie!Copy !req
128. Come on, Leaf, let's boogie!Copy !req
129. No!Copy !req
130. No!Copy !req
131. - Fats!
- Holy fuck!Copy !req
132. Take us over to those men! Shit!Copy !req
133. Look at you, man.
Playing with grenades.Copy !req
134. I'm cold, Linc.Copy !req
135. I can't feel my legs.Copy !req
136. Ain't nothing but a thang.Copy !req
137. Hey, Linc.Copy !req
138. What, man?Copy !req
139. Why does manCopy !req
140. got to pick up sticks
against another man?Copy !req
141. Instead of using them sticks toCopy !req
142. prop a man up?Copy !req
143. I'll never know.Copy !req
144. Hold my hands,Copy !req
145. 'cause I got something to...Copy !req
146. I got something to say.Copy !req
147. Oh, boy.Copy !req
148. - You holding 'em?
- I got 'em tight.Copy !req
149. When we get back to the world,Copy !req
150. we gonna put together that three-piece
combo band we talked about?Copy !req
151. - Me on stand-up bass.
- Johnny on drums.Copy !req
152. And me tickling the ivories.Copy !req
153. I ain't never been worth a nothing
in this life,Copy !req
154. but I want you to know something.Copy !req
155. What, man?Copy !req
156. You are my...Copy !req
157. You are my brother.Copy !req
158. You are my brother.
You are my... You are my...Copy !req
159. I am your brother.Copy !req
160. I'm sorry. Could we cut?Copy !req
161. - What's he saying?
- Damien, can we cut?Copy !req
162. - No. No, no, no, no, no...
- All right, you know what?Copy !req
163. We got the jets coming in,
big explosion, two minutes.Copy !req
164. Still rolling.Copy !req
165. You know what? No, not still rolling.
Can we cut?Copy !req
166. - We're cutting.
- No, we're not. Get out!Copy !req
167. Hey, what's going on?
For real, my butt is hurting!Copy !req
168. This harness is riding up my crack!Copy !req
169. - Damien, are we cutting?
- No! No! Still rolling!Copy !req
170. Mr. Cockburn! Are we cutting, sir?Copy !req
171. No! No. I'm not cutting!
We're still rolling!Copy !req
172. Damien, what's the dealy, dude?Copy !req
173. Are we gonna blow
this tree line or what?Copy !req
174. Tuk Tuk and Kim
got the blue balls here.Copy !req
175. I'm gonna let them squirt if we're a go!Copy !req
176. - Play it through. Still rolling!
- Dieter, can he hear me?Copy !req
177. That's C-4, dipshit. Put that back.
I said a detonator.Copy !req
178. I need some dudes up here
who speak American, God damn it!Copy !req
179. He's making
a fucking sweater back here.Copy !req
180. I'm trying to put Tiger Balm
on this jungle's nuts.Copy !req
181. Everyone, please shut up.Copy !req
182. The jets are coming in.
We only have one chance at this!Copy !req
183. And go!Copy !req
184. Let's do it. You feel it?
You feel me?Copy !req
185. - You are my...
- I am your brother.Copy !req
186. We've seen it all, man.Copy !req
187. I'm sorry, Damien?Copy !req
188. Are you seeing that?Copy !req
189. The little froggy on the boom mike?
It's right in my eyeline.Copy !req
190. Donny! What's up, man?Copy !req
191. It's been there the whole show.Copy !req
192. Yeah, well it's right in my face,Copy !req
193. I'm staring at a frog, I'm trying to feel...Copy !req
194. It's always the yellow frog that
brings them black frog on Fridays, man.Copy !req
195. Hell, no, I didn't pee on that girl.Copy !req
196. No, I didn't pee on her,
listen, listen, listen, listen. No, no.Copy !req
197. The story is this. She was in the way
when I was peeing, she walked past.Copy !req
198. What the fuck is going on here?Copy !req
199. On three, baby. One, two, breathe.Copy !req
200. Look, do me a favor. I don't want to do
a countdown before I do the scene.Copy !req
201. - No countdown?
- No countdown.Copy !req
202. - Okay.
- Can we just do it off of "Action"?Copy !req
203. Just... In your own time.Copy !req
204. - Good...
- I'm not a rocket ship, okay?Copy !req
205. - All right, dude.
- And action!Copy !req
206. Whatever floats your boat, baby.
Fuck! Don't die!Copy !req
207. Erika, get me a VitaminWater!Copy !req
208. You know what it is, Damien? I'm sorry.Copy !req
209. Not to get into his thing, but if
I'm crying, should Osiris be crying, too?Copy !req
210. - No, it's everyone cry...
- We cutting or we crying?Copy !req
211. - No, no, no, we're crying!
- Just call it, man!Copy !req
212. - Kirk, you can cry. Tugg, you can cry.
- Thanks!Copy !req
213. - Everybody cry...
- You know what?Copy !req
214. - You see how agitated he is now?
- I know.Copy !req
215. - Let's make lemonade. Let's go to work.
- Okay. Still rolling!Copy !req
216. This is Falcon One. We have the ridge
in sight, approximately two miles out.Copy !req
217. Dieter, these jets
are about to crest this ridge line.Copy !req
218. They got about 200 pounds
of shit your pants.Copy !req
219. I need to know if we're ready to go.Copy !req
220. - You're my... You're my...
- I am your...Copy !req
221. See, that's what I think it is, Damien.
I think it's the line.Copy !req
222. Yeah?Copy !req
223. I don't know if Four Leaf
would say that... Four Leaf?Copy !req
224. Were you crying
when your hands blew up?Copy !req
225. No. See, he didn't.
Yeah, I mean, just that's what...Copy !req
226. So now we in re-writes, right?Copy !req
227. - Where you going?
- Let's re-write it!Copy !req
228. Action Jackson can't cry.
That's what's going down.Copy !req
229. You know what, Kirk?
I'm ready to do the scene!Copy !req
230. What scene? The scene is
about emotionality. Where is it?Copy !req
231. - Now it's time to flip the script!
- Kirk...Copy !req
232. Be here till Chinese New Year
waiting for my man to cry.Copy !req
233. You're tangling me,
you're fucking tangling me.Copy !req
234. You're tangling me, God damn it!Copy !req
235. - Kirk, no!
- Stop tailgating me, you pasty tea bag!Copy !req
236. I'm going potty.
You want to hold my dick?Copy !req
237. Shit! What are you fucking both doing,
Good Lord!Copy !req
238. We're getting this in a wide shot, right?Copy !req
239. Of course we're getting it
in a fucking wide.Copy !req
240. What, do you think
I'm a dick or something?Copy !req
241. Get that fucking food...Copy !req
242. Here they come!Copy !req
243. - The planes are inbound!
- Shit! Shit!Copy !req
244. Shit, shit, cocksucker, bollocks.
Tropic tits!Copy !req
245. That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go!Copy !req
246. Let's go freaking Tet here!Copy !req
247. Goddamn shit-picking cock!Copy !req
248. That's my shit!Copy !req
249. Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!Copy !req
250. - Sweet.
- Oh, mama!Copy !req
251. Bungle in the jungle.Copy !req
252. More bad news from the Vietnamese set
of Tropic Thunder,Copy !req
253. where a $4 million explosion
charred the Asian locationCopy !req
254. and the camera wasn't even rolling.Copy !req
255. Financed by hotheaded mega-mogul
Les Grossman,Copy !req
256. the film is already rumored to be
one month behind scheduleCopy !req
257. just five days into shooting.
The reason?Copy !req
258. Fingers are pointed at rookie director
Damien Cockburn,Copy !req
259. who, insiders say,
can't control a star-studded cast,Copy !req
260. including flatulent star of the popular
Fatties franchise, Jeff Portnoy.Copy !req
261. Let me tell you something.
A lot of people are disrespecting me.Copy !req
262. They say that the movie's
just about farts. It's about family,Copy !req
263. and... you! You can't do what I do.Copy !req
264. Fresh from his most recent arrest
for heroin, glue and crack possession,Copy !req
265. Portnoy was almost uninsurable.Copy !req
266. Also in the mix is Booty Sweat-hocking
hip-hop hyphenate Alpa Chino.Copy !req
267. I'm so excited, you know what I'm
saying, about doing Tropic Thunder.Copy !req
268. Hey, drink Booty Sweat, baby.
Drink Booty Sweat.Copy !req
269. But the real heavyweight on the setCopy !req
270. is five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus.Copy !req
271. Is five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus.Copy !req
272. The brilliant Australian
known for his bad boy antics off-screenCopy !req
273. is famous for his total immersion
into any role he portrays.Copy !req
274. Well, being an actor is no differentCopy !req
275. than being a rugby player
or a construction worker,Copy !req
276. save for the fact that my toolsCopy !req
277. are the mechanisms
that trigger human emotion.Copy !req
278. Lazarus underwent a controversialCopy !req
279. pigmentation alteration procedure
in order to playCopy !req
280. the platoon's African-American
sergeant, Lincoln Osiris.Copy !req
281. Yeah!Copy !req
282. Trying to hold his own onscreen
with KirkCopy !req
283. is action juggernaut Tugg Speedman.Copy !req
284. Once the highest grossing star
in the world,Copy !req
285. lately his Scorcher films
have lost their heat.Copy !req
286. Recently, Speedman opened up to Tyra.Copy !req
287. You have no real family.Copy !req
288. You're on the wrong side of 40.
You're childless and alone.Copy !req
289. Somebody close to you said,Copy !req
290. "One more flop and it's over."Copy !req
291. Somebody said they were close to me?Copy !req
292. It's been a tough year for Tugg.Copy !req
293. The disappointing buddy comedy
Chitlin' & the DudeCopy !req
294. was followed by an ill-advised venture
into serious dramatic territory.Copy !req
295. Simple Jack,Copy !req
296. the story of a mentally impaired
farmhand who can talk to animals,Copy !req
297. was a box office disasterCopy !req
298. that many critics called,
"One of the worst movies of all time."Copy !req
299. I ain't got a good brain.Copy !req
300. I think you've got a fine brain, Jack.Copy !req
301. You make me happy.Copy !req
302. But now the question is,
can Speedman make audiences happyCopy !req
303. in what's being called
the most expensiveCopy !req
304. - war movie never made?
- Rick Peck.Copy !req
305. Wishing Tugg all the best on that one.Copy !req
306. Rum-Tum-Tuggernauts, it's the Pecker.
You got time for your agent?Copy !req
307. - Rick?
- Hey, buddy,Copy !req
308. guess who I'm staring at right now.Copy !req
309. - What?
- I'm looking at your ugly mugCopy !req
310. on the back cover
of Vanity Fair magazine,Copy !req
311. holding a cute, cuddly panda
from Cutesville.Copy !req
312. It is insane, bro. You are a rock star.Copy !req
313. Hey, did you get the gift basket I sent?Copy !req
314. From Rick.Copy !req
315. Yeah. Yeah. It's cool, man. Thanks.Copy !req
316. All right,
that is a real satellite phone, bro.Copy !req
317. Do not re-gift.Copy !req
318. Hey. You see
that Access Hollywood piece?Copy !req
319. Yeah, I did.
It was like pistol-whipping a blind kid.Copy !req
320. I mean, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it,
Tugg. You are a huge star, all right?Copy !req
321. But right now,Copy !req
322. you're like that kid on the playground,
you know,Copy !req
323. the one who has lice that none
of the other kids want to play with?Copy !req
324. - What do you mean?
- I mean we gotta shave your headCopy !req
325. and get you back
on the monkey bars, right?Copy !req
326. What?Copy !req
327. How did the crying scene go?Copy !req
328. Horrible. Lazarus started crying.Copy !req
329. Then he starts drooling and dribbling,
and it wasn't even in the script...Copy !req
330. Stop right there!Copy !req
331. You gotta buck up here, Tuggboat.Copy !req
332. Who cares how much more talented
he may be than you?Copy !req
333. If he cries, you cry harder, man.Copy !req
334. Didn't your dog have, like, leukemia
or somethingCopy !req
335. when you were a kid?
I mean, think of that.Copy !req
336. Boom! End of story.
They hook up the TiVo yet?Copy !req
337. Good gosh.Copy !req
338. - What?
- The TiVo, they hook it up?Copy !req
339. - No. The guy didn't come.
- What?Copy !req
340. For fuck's sake, that is unacceptable.Copy !req
341. They have digital cable, but,
I mean, it's okay.Copy !req
342. No, no, no. Come on, man. It's not okay.Copy !req
343. It is not okay, Tugg!Copy !req
344. And you don't need to explain to me
why you need TiVoCopy !req
345. or clean water, clean sheets,
food, shelter.Copy !req
346. I mean, I fought for that in your contract.Copy !req
347. How's the adoption thing coming,
buddy?Copy !req
348. Not too great.Copy !req
349. I feel like all the good ones are gone.Copy !req
350. Well, at least you get to choose yours.Copy !req
351. I'm stuck with mine.Copy !req
352. Tell you what, get back to work,
genius soldier.Copy !req
353. The Pecker's on a TiVo mission
for the Y-O-U.Copy !req
354. Work on those tears, my man.Copy !req
355. All right. Yeah.Copy !req
356. Say it for me one time.Copy !req
357. - You make me happy.
- Make me happy.Copy !req
358. - I love you, buddy.
- All right, bye.Copy !req
359. Crisis meeting?
What does that mean, exactly?Copy !req
360. I mean, are we in a crisis?Copy !req
361. He's the head of the studio.Copy !req
362. He's reaching out.
We're 10,000 miles away.Copy !req
363. He just wants a little face-time.Copy !req
364. I know, it's just you said
that he called it a crisis meeting. So...Copy !req
365. It's Les Grossman.
He throws these words around.Copy !req
366. "Crisis,"explosion,"
"not rolling,"fired."Copy !req
367. These are just words.Copy !req
368. Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
369. Keep a secret? A camera truck
in London just plowed into Judi Dench.Copy !req
370. Trust me, he's got bigger problems.Copy !req
371. Look, he may be able to see me,
but I can't see him.Copy !req
372. - Move! Move! Hello, Les! Hello!
- Get your ass out of my...Copy !req
373. - Your feet were on my desk.
- Can he see us?Copy !req
374. I don't know why we don't have...Copy !req
375. Get him a Diet Coke. Les! It's working!Copy !req
376. Yeah, whatever you're doing right there.
Hello, Les!Copy !req
377. - Hello, Les!
- Okay.Copy !req
378. We got you loud and clear here, Les.Copy !req
379. I see you. I see you. I see you.Copy !req
380. Which one of you fuckfaces
is Damien Cockburn?Copy !req
381. That's me, sir.Copy !req
382. It's good to finally meet you at last,
get some face-time.Copy !req
383. And who here is the key grip?
You? You.Copy !req
384. Hit that director in the face,
really fucking hard.Copy !req
385. Sorry, man.Copy !req
386. This is your fault, you limey fuck!Copy !req
387. You shit the money-bed, my friend.Copy !req
388. - What?
- God damn it, Damien!Copy !req
389. With all due respect, Les Grossman did
not blow up the jungle.Copy !req
390. - What?
- Fuck the jungle.Copy !req
391. Exactly!Copy !req
392. Come on, man.Copy !req
393. Hey, Les, I understand if you're angry,Copy !req
394. but I am dealing
with a bunch of prima donnas!Copy !req
395. Clowns! Tugg Speedman, he can't cry!
He can't cry!Copy !req
396. You know how you handle an actor?
They whine about anything,Copy !req
397. you pull down their pants
and you spank their ass.Copy !req
398. - You spank that ass, Les.
- What?Copy !req
399. Spanking a child
turns him into a little snot.Copy !req
400. Fear makes him a man.Copy !req
401. I know a place
where a man's worth is measuredCopy !req
402. in the ears hanging from his dog tags.Copy !req
403. The real deep shit.Copy !req
404. You wanna make this movie right?Copy !req
405. You wanna make this movie right?Copy !req
406. That's where you take
your pansy-ass actors.Copy !req
407. Who is this guy?Copy !req
408. Les, that's Four Leaf.Copy !req
409. Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback.
I wrote the book.Copy !req
410. You're a great American.
This nation owes you a huge debt.Copy !req
411. Now shut the fuck up
and let me do my job!Copy !req
412. - Look, Cockburn.
- Yes.Copy !req
413. From now on, my fist
is gonna be so far up your shitholeCopy !req
414. that every time you have a thought,Copy !req
415. it's gonna have to tiptoe
past my wedding ring.Copy !req
416. Take control of your actors,
or I will shut you down.Copy !req
417. Diet Coke!Copy !req
418. One week down, two weeks behind,Copy !req
419. GI Joe can't cry, don't matter 'cause you
ain't got the camera turned on anyway.Copy !req
420. Let's party!Copy !req
421. Man, you better get your shit straight,Copy !req
422. or I'll be on the next NetJet out of here,
baby. You feel me?Copy !req
423. - You feel that?
- Yeah.Copy !req
424. Here comes another.
There we go. Now what?Copy !req
425. - Sandusky. Good.
- Hey, Mr. Cockburn.Copy !req
426. We need to have a cast meeting
right now.Copy !req
427. - Right now? Awesome.
- Yes.Copy !req
428. You actually care, don't you?Copy !req
429. Yeah, it's a huge deal for me,
are you kidding?Copy !req
430. I've spent the past two years of my lifeCopy !req
431. living off residuals from a anti-herpes
medication commercial.Copy !req
432. I know, you're the only one
who auditioned,Copy !req
433. the only one who did
the two-week boot camp.Copy !req
434. Hey, hey, Alpa.Copy !req
435. I'm the director. He's...
I need to speak to my actor.Copy !req
436. All right, hold up. Chino?Copy !req
437. What? Hell, yo. What's up, baby?Copy !req
438. This about
the Booty Sweat cross-promotion?Copy !req
439. No, it's about the film.Copy !req
440. Oh, the film and Booty Sweat's
the same thing. Give him a shot.Copy !req
441. Hey, how you doing, Jeff?Copy !req
442. - Who are you?
- That's awesome, man.Copy !req
443. Kevin. Kevin Sandusky. I play Brooklyn,
we've been working together.Copy !req
444. Oh, right, right. I like you.Copy !req
445. Man, it's a real honor to be here...Copy !req
446. I can tell it's gonna be
a good experience.Copy !req
447. I'm really having a good time.Copy !req
448. Hey, can you help me out, man?
I'm looking for this guy.Copy !req
449. The grip with the bandana.
He's got a package for me.Copy !req
450. There he is, fucker. Dragon!Copy !req
451. What the fuck? Oh, buddy!Copy !req
452. I'm gonna go shoot a video, right?Copy !req
453. I'm gonna have V.C. Soldiers
in the videoCopy !req
454. doing the noodle-legs, Damien.Copy !req
455. Hell, yeah, do it. V.C. Soldiers doing
the hip-hop bunny hop, Damien.Copy !req
456. It's good, I love it, great. But I need to...Copy !req
457. V.C. Soldiers doing the seizure, baby.
Hit it, baby.Copy !req
458. Hell yeah, get it. Get it, Cornbread.Copy !req
459. Alpa!Copy !req
460. Yo, check it out. Donny on the phone.Copy !req
461. Hello? Yo, yo, Donny!Copy !req
462. Can we call him back?
I've got to have a cast meeting.Copy !req
463. When we put aside our differences,Copy !req
464. we see we're kind of the same.Copy !req
465. When we put aside our differences,
we seeCopy !req
466. we're kind of the same.Copy !req
467. Let's be friends.Copy !req
468. I know we can do great things together.Copy !req
469. That's a quotation from
a children's book I co-wrote,Copy !req
470. The Boy Everybody Was Jealous Of.Copy !req
471. I think it pertains to the journey...Copy !req
472. Simple Jack sucked ass!Copy !req
473. All right, who said that? It's not funny.Copy !req
474. Whoever it is, it's not funny, okay?Copy !req
475. When the herd loses its way,Copy !req
476. the shepherd must kill
the bull that leads them astray.Copy !req
477. - Four Leaf?
- Come on over. It's okay.Copy !req
478. - Sit down.
- Yes.Copy !req
479. - So, you don't like the hotel?
- Beds give me nightmares.Copy !req
480. I'm guessing right about now
you couldn't find a Dixie coonskinCopy !req
481. with an Ohio hooker holding your prick
and showing you the way.Copy !req
482. What?Copy !req
483. You're a riddleCopy !req
484. with no cheese to maze through.Copy !req
485. Don't you get it?Copy !req
486. No, I don't. I'm a cock of the mouse
or something. I don't know.Copy !req
487. I put my story in your limp Brit hands,Copy !req
488. and you are not going to fail me.Copy !req
489. You think I was just blowing
my own bagpipe in that meeting?Copy !req
490. You must put those boys in the shit.Copy !req
491. What? I don't understand.Copy !req
492. - You wanna make your movie or not?
- Yes, I do.Copy !req
493. All right, you get
some of those little video type cameras.Copy !req
494. We take them out there, and we put
them in the trees in different angles.Copy !req
495. Then you give me
and that pyromaniac CodyCopy !req
496. all the smoke bombs, charges,
explosives, detonators you got.Copy !req
497. Then we take those boys up there,Copy !req
498. me and Cody,
we could light up that fucking jungle,Copy !req
499. so those lily-dick actors
would be shitting their pantsCopy !req
500. and screaming for their mammies.Copy !req
501. They'd be begging for a body bag
if it means a ride home.Copy !req
502. I could do it.Copy !req
503. I could shoot the whole thing
guerrilla style. Gritty, dirty.Copy !req
504. Get them away from their helpers
and ass-licking assistants.Copy !req
505. Put them in the real shit.Copy !req
506. - Real shit.
- With real fear in their eyes!Copy !req
507. Real fear, real emotion!
Yes, Four Leaf, yes!Copy !req
508. - Yes! Yes!
- Yes! Yes!Copy !req
509. Take them off the fucking grid!Copy !req
510. You are no longer actors in a movie!Copy !req
511. You are five men in a helicopter!Copy !req
512. With three other men!Copy !req
513. How long are we gonna be gone,
anyways?Copy !req
514. 'Cause I left most of my vitamins
back at the hotel.Copy !req
515. - Save your breath, maggots!
- That's right, maggots!Copy !req
516. M&M?Copy !req
517. M&M?Copy !req
518. Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper!Copy !req
519. Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper!Copy !req
520. Move it, maggots, move!
Move, grunts, move your ass!Copy !req
521. Get out, you wriggly worms!Copy !req
522. - It's up too high!
- Move, move, move!Copy !req
523. See you in hell!Copy !req
524. This is bullshit!
I gotta at least call my fucking assistant.Copy !req
525. Fucking! Jesus! Dude!Copy !req
526. You're sitting on a nest
of hostile enemy V.C.Copy !req
527. Congratulations, Fats.
You just got us all killed.Copy !req
528. Anybody else care to give away
our position to Charlie?Copy !req
529. Cell phones!Copy !req
530. What the hell, Damien?Copy !req
531. Weren't no cell phones in '69, man.
I'm head-to-toe legitimate.Copy !req
532. Gentlemen, I've got good news
and bad news.Copy !req
533. The studio wants to shut us down.
That's the bad news.Copy !req
534. And the good news.Copy !req
535. If you wanna save this movie,
you will become a unit.Copy !req
536. Your objective is to head north
to the D'ang Kwook RiverCopy !req
537. and liberate the POW camp,Copy !req
538. at which point Four Leaf
will get himself captured,Copy !req
539. at which point you will rescue him,Copy !req
540. at which point
we will chopper you home!Copy !req
541. Damn.Copy !req
542. Four Leaf,
since you're the staff sergeant,Copy !req
543. there's the map, this is the scene list.Copy !req
544. Think you can handle it?Copy !req
545. We have rigged this entire
valley of death with hidden cameras.Copy !req
546. And I will be shooting as well,
from unseen vantage points,Copy !req
547. so that every glorious moment
is captured on film.Copy !req
548. And believe me, gentlemen,
it will be glorious.Copy !req
549. If it looks real,
chances are it probably is.Copy !req
550. You wanted to be actors.Copy !req
551. You wanted to occupy
the skin of another human being.Copy !req
552. Well, get ready to occupy the skin
of a terrified U.S. Infantry grunt,Copy !req
553. surrounded by death,
crawling up Satan's bottom.Copy !req
554. There'll be ambushes, enemy fire,
your own little personal slice of 'Nam.Copy !req
555. This radio goes to the chopper
and the chopper only.Copy !req
556. The chopper is God,
and I am Jesus Christ, his son.Copy !req
557. You are my chosen disciples.Copy !req
558. And no one gets to go home
till we get the shots.Copy !req
559. Put on your war faces, gentlemen.Copy !req
560. Now, let's go and make
the greatest war movie ever!Copy !req
561. - Yeah!
- All right!Copy !req
562. Yeah!Copy !req
563. Yeah!Copy !req
564. Not bad, Cockburn!Copy !req
565. Not bad.Copy !req
566. Wherever you are!Copy !req
567. Wherever he is?
Looks like he's all over the place.Copy !req
568. Here we go.Copy !req
569. Must be an old French mine.Copy !req
570. It's a remnant from colonial Indo-China.
This jungle must be full of them.Copy !req
571. Don't you get it?
He's messing with our heads.Copy !req
572. That's what all that
playing God stuff was about.Copy !req
573. He's trying to get us to act good,
save the movie.Copy !req
574. He ain't playing God.
He's being judged by him.Copy !req
575. That's our objective.
Complete the mission.Copy !req
576. No offense, Kirk,
I know you're the big fancy actor here,Copy !req
577. but I've done a lot more effects-driven
event films than you. Okay?Copy !req
578. And I think I can spotCopy !req
579. a prop head when I see one.Copy !req
580. Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
581. It's corn syrup, guys.
Corn syrup and latex.Copy !req
582. Warm, blood-flavored corn syrup.Copy !req
583. Oh, God.Copy !req
584. Smoke and mirrors, guys.
Welcome to the movie factory.Copy !req
585. Oldest trick in the book.Copy !req
586. He getting down now.Copy !req
587. Oh, my God!Copy !req
588. Whoa, look at me!Copy !req
589. You're going to get the shots,Copy !req
590. and I'm going to make sure
because I'm the director.Copy !req
591. I'm from London. I direct plays.Copy !req
592. Hey, Damien! We got our war faces on!Copy !req
593. Look, I'm Dave Beckham.Copy !req
594. So, we gotta
light these boys up today, huh?Copy !req
595. Blow some sense into these young men.Copy !req
596. Hey, I don't want to come off
as weird or anything,Copy !req
597. but I might be your biggest fan. Yeah.Copy !req
598. Tropic Thunder.
Kind of like my Catcher in the Rye.Copy !req
599. Yeah, I've never been in the military,
per se,Copy !req
600. but I have lost an appendage
in the line of duty.Copy !req
601. Driving Miss Daisy, first studio gig.Copy !req
602. Yeah.Copy !req
603. It's a pretty cool sidearm you got there.
What is it?Copy !req
604. I don't know what it's called.Copy !req
605. I just know the sound it makes
when it takes a man's life.Copy !req
606. Okay.Copy !req
607. Damien, we're go for explosion.Copy !req
608. Ready to kick the tires
and light the fires on your say-so.Copy !req
609. Damien, we're go for explosion.Copy !req
610. Do you copy?Copy !req
611. I got an itchy trigger finger here,
and I'm ready to blow some shit up.Copy !req
612. All right, you happy now?
Can we do the scene?Copy !req
613. Or do you need a formal invitation?
Come on, let's go!Copy !req
614. Here. Okay.Copy !req
615. "Scene 12, exterior,
jungle clearing, day, ambush.Copy !req
616. "Four Leaf notices
movement in the brush.Copy !req
617. "A dozen guerrilla fighters
can be seen moving in the tree line.Copy !req
618. "Somewhere a mine explodes."
And you.Copy !req
619. "I got a bad feeling on this one."Copy !req
620. - Yeah.
- No, that's your line.Copy !req
621. - I got... Now?
- Yeah, but scared. Like, scared.Copy !req
622. - "I got a bad feeling on this one."
- Dude, wait, like how?Copy !req
623. "I got a bad feeling on this one."Copy !req
624. - Okay.
- Action. Go, come on.Copy !req
625. I got a bad feeling
on this one there, Fats.Copy !req
626. Our asses don't get fragged
in this bullshit valley,Copy !req
627. first thing I'm doing
is paying my two bucksCopy !req
628. so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherryCopy !req
629. on a sweet little mama-san's
dinky dau poontang.Copy !req
630. Shit, Brooklyn be bagged and tagged
before he get any cooch.Copy !req
631. He die, he probably die
a coochless motherfucker.Copy !req
632. Zip it, Motown.Copy !req
633. Don't you worry, Brooklyn.Copy !req
634. You got a lot of days of fucking
ahead of you.Copy !req
635. Man, I'm thirsty.Copy !req
636. Might as well have some of this
Booty Sweat I got back in Danang.Copy !req
637. Yo, asshole! This motherfucker's dead!Copy !req
638. Ain't no Criss Angel Mindfreak,Copy !req
639. David Blaine trapdoor
horseshit jumping off here!Copy !req
640. Hey! You wanna get on the train here,
or do you wanna ruin another take?Copy !req
641. There ain't no goddamn takes,
ain't no goddamn motion picture!Copy !req
642. - You sure?
- Yeah.Copy !req
643. - Yeah?
- For certain, man.Copy !req
644. Then why are you still in character?Copy !req
645. I know, but I don't have to tell you.Copy !req
646. You don't know.Copy !req
647. Man, I don't drop character
till I done a DVD commentary.Copy !req
648. You happy now?
We're out of position for the effects!Copy !req
649. Get down, fool!Copy !req
650. Didn't anyone read the script?
This is the ambush!Copy !req
651. - This feels pretty real!
- Exactly! Let's use it.Copy !req
652. Yeah!Copy !req
653. Yeah!Copy !req
654. Eat lead!Copy !req
655. They're busting caps
like a motherfucker down there.Copy !req
656. This is FUBAR. I say we juice them.Copy !req
657. - What do you think?
- Juice them.Copy !req
658. Fuck you, Charlie!Copy !req
659. Big-ass titties!Copy !req
660. Look at that, huh?Copy !req
661. And cut!Copy !req
662. That's the trailer right there.Copy !req
663. Yeah!Copy !req
664. - What do we do now?
- Yeah.Copy !req
665. North. Man said to head north.Copy !req
666. - Did you see me shooting?
- That's how we do. Good work, baby.Copy !req
667. I believed it.Copy !req
668. D'ang Kwook River.Copy !req
669. I'm betting
he's got more of these battlesCopy !req
670. and Viet Congs
rigged for us along the way.Copy !req
671. Sergeant Osiris, get your men.
Load and lock.Copy !req
672. Real, baby, I'm real.Copy !req
673. Let's go! We got a lot of klicks to cover!Copy !req
674. Hump it up, gentlemen!
Single formation.Copy !req
675. Don't dawdle now!Copy !req
676. D-Rod, D-Rod, this is Puddingface.
How are we coming on that hotplate?Copy !req
677. Something's up.
I think we better drag ass back there.Copy !req
678. Make sure Damien ain't forgot
how to use his talkbox again.Copy !req
679. Yeah, baby, come on. Just a little taste.Copy !req
680. - What are you doing, Jeff?
- Fucking... Nothing, man!Copy !req
681. - I'm eating jellybeans.
- Wow, I love jellybeans. Can I please...Copy !req
682. No, you can't have
any fucking jellybeans.Copy !req
683. They're mine.Copy !req
684. You think
you're the only one who gets sickCopy !req
685. when he doesn't have his jellybeans?Copy !req
686. Boundaries, man. Fuck.Copy !req
687. Hey. I didn't mean to
show you up back there.Copy !req
688. It's just, I feel like we really need
to set the example for the other guys.Copy !req
689. It's gonna be tough,Copy !req
690. but I think Damien's gonna get
some great shit out of us.Copy !req
691. Just wish I had
a director like this on Jack.Copy !req
692. On Jack. What? Jack?
What you talking about?Copy !req
693. - Simple Jack.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
694. Simple Jack, yeah.
You went all out on that one, huh?Copy !req
695. You did.
Really swung for the fences, huh?Copy !req
696. Thank you. Thanks. Yeah.Copy !req
697. Yeah, it was an intense experience,
you know.Copy !req
698. I just did the work.Copy !req
699. Watched a lot of retarded people.
Spent time with them. Observed them.Copy !req
700. Watched all the retarded stuff they did.Copy !req
701. Then again,
I always found mere observationCopy !req
702. in and of itself is a tad rudimentary.Copy !req
703. Sometimes, we gotta dig deeper
to mine the true emotional pay dirt.Copy !req
704. Thus, we can diagram the source
of the pain and then live it, you know.Copy !req
705. Yeah, yeah, live it. Yeah, exactly.Copy !req
706. You know, there were times
when I was doing JackCopy !req
707. that I actually felt retarded,Copy !req
708. - like really retarded.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
709. I mean, I brushed my teeth retarded,Copy !req
710. - I rode the bus retarded.
- Damn.Copy !req
711. In a weird way,
I had to sort of just free myself upCopy !req
712. to believe that it was okay
to be stupid or dumb.Copy !req
713. - To be a moron.
- Yeah.Copy !req
714. - To be moronical.
- Exactly, to be a moron.Copy !req
715. - An imbecile.
- Yeah.Copy !req
716. Like the dumbest motherfucker
that ever lived.Copy !req
717. When I was playing the character.Copy !req
718. - When you was the character.
- Yeah, as Jack, definitely.Copy !req
719. Jack, stupid ass Jack.Copy !req
720. Trying to come back from that.Copy !req
721. In a weird way it was almost like
I had to sort of fool my mindCopy !req
722. into believing that it wasn't retarded,Copy !req
723. and by the end of the whole thing,
I was like,Copy !req
724. "Wait a minute, I flushed so much out,
how am I gonna jumpstart it up again?"Copy !req
725. - It's just like... Right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
726. You was farting in bathtubs
and laughing your ass off.Copy !req
727. Yeah.Copy !req
728. But Simple Jack thought he was smart,Copy !req
729. or rather, didn't think he was retarded,Copy !req
730. so you can't afford to play retarded,
being a smart actor.Copy !req
731. Playing a guy who ain't smart
but thinks he is,Copy !req
732. - that's tricky.
- Tricky.Copy !req
733. It's like working with mercury.
It's high science, man. It's an art form.Copy !req
734. - Yeah.
- You an artist.Copy !req
735. - That's what we do, right? Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
736. Hats off for going there,Copy !req
737. especially knowing how
the Academy is about that shit.Copy !req
738. - About what?
- You're serious? You don't know?Copy !req
739. Everybody knows
you never go full retard.Copy !req
740. - What do you mean?
- Check it out.Copy !req
741. Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man, looked
retarded, act retarded, not retarded.Copy !req
742. Count toothpicks, cheat at cards.
Autistic, sure. Not retarded.Copy !req
743. Then you got Tom Hanks,
Forrest Gump.Copy !req
744. Slow, yes, retarded, maybe,
braces on his legs.Copy !req
745. But he charmed the pants off Nixon,
and he won a Ping-Pong competition.Copy !req
746. That ain't retarded.Copy !req
747. And he was a goddamn war hero.
You know any retarded war heroes?Copy !req
748. You went full retard, man.Copy !req
749. Never go full retard.Copy !req
750. You don't buy that?
Ask Sean Penn, 2001, I Am Sam.Copy !req
751. Remember? Went full retard?
Went home empty-handed.Copy !req
752. Oh, my God! Holy shit!Copy !req
753. Good job, turd. You killed the director.Copy !req
754. No, that's impossible, man.Copy !req
755. I rigged the whole tree line,
and this is here.Copy !req
756. - He must have missed his mark.
- Missed his mark?Copy !req
757. Yeah, this isn't me.Copy !req
758. Come on, let's bag and tag the bastard
and get back to the hotel.Copy !req
759. - You're in a world of hurt, dumbo!
- We're in a world of hurt!Copy !req
760. - You're in trouble.
- This isn't just on me!Copy !req
761. - We're in a... We're together on this.
- Bullshit.Copy !req
762. You're just gonna run away.
You're gonna leave.Copy !req
763. What happened to,
"No man left behind," okay?Copy !req
764. Just wait, just wait! Listen!
Listen, okay?Copy !req
765. - I don't wanna hear it.
- Let me just be real with you, all right?Copy !req
766. I almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtis
on Freaky Friday, okay?Copy !req
767. This shit will fucking ruin me!Copy !req
768. - Just get off me! You're pathetic.
- No, I'm not.Copy !req
769. - Get off me!
- You are not going back!Copy !req
770. - What the fuck?
- Now wait a minute.Copy !req
771. So, what?
We're just supposed to keep walking?Copy !req
772. Try to stay in character.
Remember, we're on camera.Copy !req
773. This thing's too heavy.Copy !req
774. I want the rubber one
that the prop guy gave me.Copy !req
775. Where's the fucking prop guy?Copy !req
776. How's it going with that map, chief?Copy !req
777. - Can I have a look at it?
- I got it.Copy !req
778. Yeah, Damien gave it to me,
remember?Copy !req
779. Yeah, but he gave it to you for us.Copy !req
780. - Yeah.
- Okay.Copy !req
781. - I got it.
- You got it upside down.Copy !req
782. Thank you.Copy !req
783. Letters go one way
and the numbers another.Copy !req
784. Dude, I'm trying to...
I got your back, man.Copy !req
785. - Well, I'm cool. All right, I'm cool.
- You are?Copy !req
786. Is your character dyslexic?Copy !req
787. - No, my character's not dyslexic.
- So you a cartographer.Copy !req
788. I'm tired, I want to go home.Copy !req
789. Why, so you can get back and make
Fart 20, or some shit?Copy !req
790. It's Fatties: Fart Two, there's no... Hey,
you wish you had a Fatties franchise.Copy !req
791. - What?
- It's Fatties: Fart Two.Copy !req
792. - Yeah, you do.
- I don't want no Fatties franchise,Copy !req
793. - I got a diamond toilet.
- Your stupid-ass commercials.Copy !req
794. You're all fucked up, man,
you look tired.Copy !req
795. You look like you bumped your head
or something,Copy !req
796. so I came over to see
if you're fucking all right, that's all.Copy !req
797. - Yeah, why don't you get on point?
- I'm on point right here.Copy !req
798. my farts
are fucking more beautiful than...Copy !req
799. You still got that shit upside down.Copy !req
800. The numbers help, man, the numbers...Copy !req
801. The letters go across the top
and then the numbers.Copy !req
802. - Want the map?
- Yeah, I want the fucking map.Copy !req
803. Well, you can't have it,
'cause Damien gave it me.Copy !req
804. You wish you had my farts,
my farts are fucking music.Copy !req
805. All right. That's enough.Copy !req
806. Everybody's obviously a little bushed
from all this humping.Copy !req
807. So take a chow break. Chow break!Copy !req
808. But stay alert.Copy !req
809. Remember, Charlie don't care
if you're on break or not.Copy !req
810. All right, that's lunch. Coming back
to the same scene afterwards,Copy !req
811. "Lost in the goddamn jungle."Copy !req
812. Captain Simple Jack.Copy !req
813. Fuck you.Copy !req
814. I fucking hate movies.Copy !req
815. This is bullshit.
I don't wanna be in this shitty movie.Copy !req
816. No! That's my jellybeans! No!Copy !req
817. Kid, grab the bat! Please! Shit!Copy !req
818. - Yo, man, I got a Bust-A-Nut.
- You go to hell! There he is.Copy !req
819. God damn it! Okay. Where'd he go?Copy !req
820. You little piece of shit!
I'm gonna fucking rip your wings off!Copy !req
821. Sanducci. Hold up, man,
keep it on the down-low.Copy !req
822. I don't really gotta piss.
I'm trying to talk at you, man.Copy !req
823. Bait, I need bait.Copy !req
824. You went to boot camp, right?
You can read a map?Copy !req
825. Yeah, I think so.Copy !req
826. I know Speedman
got everyone convinced we out hereCopy !req
827. making Planet of the Apes on YouTube
or some shit, but I don't buy it.Copy !req
828. You wanna step on a real landmine?
You wanna die?Copy !req
829. You wanna get shot
by a real motherfucker?Copy !req
830. - Keep looking ahead, man.
- No, of course not.Copy !req
831. Trying to get home, man.Copy !req
832. Got a big job coming up next year.Copy !req
833. - Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
834. It's about Abe Lincoln and John Wilkes
Booth when they were both young.Copy !req
835. - Oh, wow!
- Yeah.Copy !req
836. - That's a classy picture.
- Dude, you kind of look like Abe.Copy !req
837. Slap a beard on you.Copy !req
838. - What's your fucking name?
- Really? It's Kevin.Copy !req
839. - Kevin Sandusky.
- Yeah.Copy !req
840. If I can put that map in your hands,
can I count on you?Copy !req
841. - Well, yeah, I guess you can.
- Dynamite. I'm out.Copy !req
842. That smelled just like bologna
for some reason.Copy !req
843. Is anyone gonna fucking help me
get this fucking thing?Copy !req
844. Why are they even out in the daytime?Copy !req
845. I'm gonna level with you, bro.
I don't need to pee. I need to talk to you.Copy !req
846. Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie.Copy !req
847. He's way out on a limb
with this character,Copy !req
848. and I think he's getting cold feet.Copy !req
849. And the men respect you,
'cause you went to boot campCopy !req
850. and rehearsal.Copy !req
851. - Can I count on you, Kyle.
- It's Kevin.Copy !req
852. Good.Copy !req
853. If you want
I could give the map a look-see.Copy !req
854. - I'll handle the map.
- Okay.Copy !req
855. You stick with the program,
we get this movie in the can,Copy !req
856. I'm thinking there could be
a Teen Choice Award in it for you.Copy !req
857. You have that potential.
They'll slime you, the whole deal.Copy !req
858. - Yeah, that's wicked.
- Good.Copy !req
859. There it is! Yeah, now you're dead!Copy !req
860. You O.D.'d!Copy !req
861. Hold up now, Jeff.Copy !req
862. Fucking hell!Copy !req
863. What the hell, Jeff? That's a bat, man!Copy !req
864. I don't have any more jellybeans.Copy !req
865. You land there!Copy !req
866. Wow. Look at these ruins.Copy !req
867. - Where the hell are we?
- D'ang Kwook River.Copy !req
868. That so? How do you know that?
How you sure?Copy !req
869. Only one way to find out, dude. Let's go.Copy !req
870. Yeah. I'm not feeling so good right now.
Seriously, my skin hurts!Copy !req
871. Enough from the peanut gallery!
Into the water, ladies!Copy !req
872. No, man. Let me take a look at that map
right quick.Copy !req
873. Why is everybody
all obsessed with the map?Copy !req
874. 'Cause we're tired
of being your trail donkeys!Copy !req
875. Acting like you some one-man GPS!Copy !req
876. God damn it! We lost!
We fucking super lost, man!Copy !req
877. Tell him, McClusky.
Tell him what time it is.Copy !req
878. I don't believe you people.Copy !req
879. What do you mean "you people"?Copy !req
880. What do you mean, "you people"?Copy !req
881. I think what Tugg means is...Copy !req
882. No, look at his eyes, man.Copy !req
883. you people, you actors. You people...
- Look at them beady, white devil eyes.Copy !req
884. I gotta get back to the hotel, for real!Copy !req
885. - Hell, no!
- Silence!Copy !req
886. Chill! All right? Just chill it.Copy !req
887. Now, let's go get those Viet Congs.Copy !req
888. - "Viet Cong"!
- What?Copy !req
889. It's "Viet Cong." There's no "S."
It's already plural.Copy !req
890. You wouldn't say "Chineses."Copy !req
891. All right, that's enough
of this insubordination!Copy !req
892. If the machine breaks down,
we break down.Copy !req
893. Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I,
he was big but a little puffyCopy !req
894. and then Rambo II,
he got all shredded up?Copy !req
895. - Yeah.
- That's kind of how you look right now.Copy !req
896. - Yeah?
- Not Rambo I but II.Copy !req
897. - Really?
- Yeah, when he was cut up.Copy !req
898. I'm not that... I mean,
that's what I'm going for, but you know...Copy !req
899. Come on, dude. You more shredded
than a julienne salad, man.Copy !req
900. - Thanks.
- What's the secret, dude?Copy !req
901. - It's a diet. I'm just dieting.
- Really?Copy !req
902. 'Cause I'm trying to come up a little,
but it's just... It's tough.Copy !req
903. - You look good.
- Any tips?Copy !req
904. - What?
- Any tips, you got?Copy !req
905. There's, like, the pineapple...Copy !req
906. - Give me that goddamn map! Fuck you!
- Hey!Copy !req
907. - Hey!
- All right, now!Copy !req
908. What it is, Sikorski?
Tell us where we really at.Copy !req
909. That's fucking bullshit!
It's a chump move.Copy !req
910. We just getting a second opinion, doc.Copy !req
911. We're going the wrong way!Copy !req
912. - Damn!
- Son of a bitch.Copy !req
913. God! I think we were
supposed to be doing this,Copy !req
914. and instead we did this.Copy !req
915. Shit, shit, shit, shitty shit, shit!Copy !req
916. Think you can get us back
to that drop zone, boy?Copy !req
917. This is not cool!Copy !req
918. Maybe.Copy !req
919. This is insane!Copy !req
920. Are you really going
to abandon this movie?Copy !req
921. We're supposed to be a unit!Copy !req
922. Suck my unit!Copy !req
923. All right, fine.Copy !req
924. - I'll finish it by myself.
- You go be all you can be, man.Copy !req
925. Tugg, you have no idea
where you're going!Copy !req
926. Yes, I do!Copy !req
927. I'm going to, "Exterior, rain forest, dusk.Copy !req
928. "Smash cut to Four Leaf, who treks
alone through a frightening jungle."Copy !req
929. Suck on that unit, Kirk!Copy !req
930. Come on, men. Let's get home.Copy !req
931. Hello, Mr. Mantis. You're beautiful.Copy !req
932. Now, if you recall that whole hullabalooCopy !req
933. where Hollywood
was split into schisms,Copy !req
934. some studios backing Blu-ray Disc,
others backing HD DVD.Copy !req
935. People thought it would come down toCopy !req
936. pixel rate or refresh rate,
and they're pretty much the same.Copy !req
937. What it came down to was
a combination of gamers and porn.Copy !req
938. Now, whichever format porno backsCopy !req
939. is usually the one
that becomes the most successful.Copy !req
940. But, you know, Sony,
every PlayStation 3 has a Blu-ray in it.Copy !req
941. You talking to me this whole time?Copy !req
942. I was talking to whoever
was listening to me.Copy !req
943. Jesus Christ, man!Copy !req
944. Booty Sweat.Copy !req
945. Oh, God!Copy !req
946. It's cold! It's freezing. I'm fucking cold.Copy !req
947. You want my flak jacket?Copy !req
948. What, are you insane? It's boiling!
It's like a sweat lodge out here!Copy !req
949. Keep the volume down on that bitching,
Flatch Adams.Copy !req
950. I gotta take a fucking 12-pound shit!Copy !req
951. - How we doing? We making good time?
- We're making good time,Copy !req
952. but there's no way we make it
over that ridge before sundown.Copy !req
953. All right, fellas,
we're gonna make camp, rest up!Copy !req
954. - Oh, God.
- Y'all might be in for a treat.Copy !req
955. You know,
back before the war broked out,Copy !req
956. I was a saucier in San Antone.Copy !req
957. I bet I could collar up
some of them greens.Copy !req
958. Yeah, noodle some crawfish
out the paddy, yo.Copy !req
959. And maybe some crab apples
for dessert, now, you hear? Hell, yeah!Copy !req
960. Hell, yeah!Copy !req
961. That's how we all talk.
We all talk like this, suh! Yes, suh.Copy !req
962. Yeah, get some crawfish and some ribs.Copy !req
963. You're Australian! Be Australian!
Excuse me, Kangaroo Jack.Copy !req
964. I get excited about my foods, man.Copy !req
965. Die!Copy !req
966. No!Copy !req
967. Dude, dude, what the hell
is going on here? Where are we?Copy !req
968. I have no idea.Copy !req
969. I've never been outside the States.Copy !req
970. Wait, what?
Are you fucking kidding me?Copy !req
971. Did you make this
whole goddamn thing up?Copy !req
972. Dude, were you
even in the fucking service?Copy !req
973. Yes. Of course. Coast Guard.Copy !req
974. - Coast Guard.
- Sanitation Department.Copy !req
975. Oh, my God!
You're a fucking garbage man!Copy !req
976. Damn it. F.L. Tayback lies to me
and the whole goddamn U.S. Of A.Copy !req
977. I wrote the book as a tribute!
I'm a patriot!Copy !req
978. Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli
of patriots, okay?Copy !req
979. You lied
about fighting the Vietnam War.Copy !req
980. It's like punching the American flag
in the face, God damn it.Copy !req
981. God, and to think I believed in you!Copy !req
982. - I don't wanna be next to you.
- Writers lie all the time.Copy !req
983. Can I be tied to another post? Okay.Copy !req
984. - Rick?
- Tugg.Copy !req
985. I killed one, Rick.Copy !req
986. The thing I love most in the world.Copy !req
987. Vivica, get off the line now!Copy !req
988. A hooker. All right, you killed a hooker.Copy !req
989. Calm down.
Here's what you're gonna do.Copy !req
990. Get your hands on some bleach,Copy !req
991. some hydrogen peroxide
and a shitload of lime.Copy !req
992. No, a panda.Copy !req
993. I killed a panda.Copy !req
994. Amanda? Come on, dude.Copy !req
995. I mean,
that's probably not even her real name.Copy !req
996. No, a panda!Copy !req
997. A panda?Copy !req
998. A sweet, cuddly,Copy !req
999. vicious little panda.Copy !req
1000. Jesus Christ, Tugg!
Man, don't scare me like that!Copy !req
1001. It's beautiful here.Copy !req
1002. You on the set?Copy !req
1003. I am the set.Copy !req
1004. All right, man.
Hey, how's the TiVo working out?Copy !req
1005. Screw TiVo.Copy !req
1006. I'm way beyond TiVo.Copy !req
1007. Last I checked,
they hadn't hooked it up, though.Copy !req
1008. Hadn't hooked it up? No TiVo?Copy !req
1009. It doesn't matter anymore.Copy !req
1010. I've moved on.Copy !req
1011. Where have you moved on to?Copy !req
1012. Another agency?Copy !req
1013. Who's with you?Copy !req
1014. It's Nick Stevens, isn't it?
That little fucker.Copy !req
1015. You are still my client, Tugg Speedman!
I am getting the TiVo!Copy !req
1016. Jacket's on, I'm out the door!Copy !req
1017. Tugg?Copy !req
1018. Please don't fire me.Copy !req
1019. I did it, I did it!Copy !req
1020. Vivica, what do I have scheduled
this afternoon?Copy !req
1021. - Two and a Half Men taping.
- Shit.Copy !req
1022. Cancel it.Copy !req
1023. And get me Tugg's Tropic Thunder
contract.Copy !req
1024. I'm going to Grossman's office,
I'm playing the card.Copy !req
1025. Okay.Copy !req
1026. Oh, mama. Thirsty.Copy !req
1027. He doesn't look too good.Copy !req
1028. Must drink,
so I can throw something up!Copy !req
1029. No, no. Don't drink that water!
That water's like a petri dish!Copy !req
1030. No, don't!Copy !req
1031. Alpa, do you have any Booty Sweat?Copy !req
1032. Yeah, get him chugging on
some of Alpa's ass water.Copy !req
1033. That'll bring him around. It's a cure-all.Copy !req
1034. Man, what you coming out
in movies for anyway?Copy !req
1035. Did you need another revenue stream?Copy !req
1036. For your information,
my revenue streamCopy !req
1037. currently generates $2 million a yearCopy !req
1038. in charitable contributions
for my community.Copy !req
1039. - Hot damn.
- And why am I in this movie?Copy !req
1040. Maybe I just knew I had to represent,Copy !req
1041. because they had one good part
in it for a black manCopy !req
1042. and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee.Copy !req
1043. Pump your brakes, kid.
That man is a national treasure.Copy !req
1044. I just wanted to throw another shrimp
on your barbie.Copy !req
1045. That shit ain't funny.Copy !req
1046. Hey, fellas! It's hot!
We're tired! It stinks!Copy !req
1047. I'm just fucking with you,
Kangaroo Jack!Copy !req
1048. I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby.Copy !req
1049. You know that's a true story?
Lady lost her kid.Copy !req
1050. - You about to cross some fucking lines.
- Guys, relax and stuff.Copy !req
1051. You know what? Fuck that, man!Copy !req
1052. I'm sick of this koala-hugging nigger
telling me...Copy !req
1053. For 400 years,Copy !req
1054. that word has kept us down.Copy !req
1055. What the fuck?Copy !req
1056. It took a whole lot of trying
just to get up that hill.Copy !req
1057. Now we up in the big leagues,Copy !req
1058. getting our turn at bat.Copy !req
1059. Long as we live, it's you and me, baby.Copy !req
1060. That's the theme song for
The Jeffersons. You really need help.Copy !req
1061. Yeah. Just 'cause it's the theme song,
don't make it not true.Copy !req
1062. You know what?
I'm gonna tell you what's true.Copy !req
1063. I'm gonna tag you back.
You better believe that, baby.Copy !req
1064. Guys! Hey, guys!Copy !req
1065. Jeff, stay away from that animal.Copy !req
1066. I'm gonna bite his hide. I need...Copy !req
1067. I need to wear his stomach skin
like a unitard.Copy !req
1068. Ain't nobody doing nothing
to no one or body!Copy !req
1069. Now, if Mr. Portnoy is feeling
a little flu-ish, don't wanna walk,Copy !req
1070. put him up on that cloven-hoof animal!Copy !req
1071. We got ground to cover!Copy !req
1072. All right, POW camp, scene 67.Copy !req
1073. Bring it on, Cockburn!Copy !req
1074. Maybe he's not, you know,
Ridley Scott or something,Copy !req
1075. but I think Renny Harlin's
a tremendous filmmakerCopy !req
1076. like, Adventures of Ford Fairlane,
you know,Copy !req
1077. as far as an Andrew Dice Clay
vehicle goes, it's pretty decent.Copy !req
1078. And Cliffhanger.
Cliffhanger's incredible.Copy !req
1079. As far as the whole like,
man against nature type of movies go,Copy !req
1080. it's absolutely amazing.Copy !req
1081. Shut the fuck up!Copy !req
1082. Who send you here?Copy !req
1083. Tayback, John, Sergeant,
United States Army.Copy !req
1084. Serial number 694529987.Copy !req
1085. Perhaps some hot tea
will make conversingCopy !req
1086. a little easier.Copy !req
1087. My leader's not quite as cordial.Copy !req
1088. Look, what? I just thought you might
like some hot teaCopy !req
1089. - in order to calm your nerves.
- Tayback, John, Sergeant,Copy !req
1090. United States Army, 694529987.Copy !req
1091. And here's a little message
from my Uncle Sam.Copy !req
1092. Dude, you all right?Copy !req
1093. Man you totally leaned into that.Copy !req
1094. I was pulling it back
and you just came in too...Copy !req
1095. Hey, it was an accident, man.Copy !req
1096. Come on, good.
You want to keep going?Copy !req
1097. - Let's go.
- Get up.Copy !req
1098. I rather rot in your V.C. Jail!Copy !req
1099. I'll never bend to your will!
You scum! You scum!Copy !req
1100. Now say this
and go to the beginning again,Copy !req
1101. let's do the tea part, okay?Copy !req
1102. Dude, I hope you're not pissed.Copy !req
1103. I see moss on both sides of that tree.Copy !req
1104. Well, you know, maybe if I wasn't
the only one at boot camp...Copy !req
1105. My belly really hurts, you guys!Copy !req
1106. I'm not joking around, I'm nauseous.Copy !req
1107. Let me off, I gotta puke!
I don't wanna die like Hendrix!Copy !req
1108. All right. All right.Copy !req
1109. Are you okay, Jeff?Copy !req
1110. I'm awesome.Copy !req
1111. Holy shit!Copy !req
1112. Okay. Everyone, down, down, down.Copy !req
1113. Man. Now I'm tripping.Copy !req
1114. That looks like the POW camp
from out the script, yo.Copy !req
1115. Speedman was right?Copy !req
1116. I don't think so.Copy !req
1117. Look at the cooking vats,
the armed guards.Copy !req
1118. Looks like a heroin processing plant.Copy !req
1119. We were in that chopper for hours.Copy !req
1120. I don't even think
we're in Vietnam anymore.Copy !req
1121. - Fuck.
- Shit. We ain't even in 'Nam?Copy !req
1122. No, most likely Myanmar or Laos.Copy !req
1123. What the fuck is Laos?Copy !req
1124. It's the Golden Triangle.Copy !req
1125. Oh, fuck. We're dead.Copy !req
1126. No one gets out of here. I saw it on TV.Copy !req
1127. Fucking boats, airplanes,
UFOs and shit, they all just vanish!Copy !req
1128. Yo, that's the Bermuda Triangle,
dumb-ass.Copy !req
1129. This is the Golden Triangle.Copy !req
1130. It's the world's hard drug superhighway.Copy !req
1131. How do you know that?Copy !req
1132. It was a really long trip.
I read the in-flight magazine.Copy !req
1133. Cut!Copy !req
1134. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
1135. What do you see, man? I'm blocked.Copy !req
1136. Damien, cut!Copy !req
1137. Hey, Damien, cut!Copy !req
1138. They got Speedman.Copy !req
1139. And it doesn't look good.Copy !req
1140. I am Tran.Copy !req
1141. You are a trespasser in my poppy fields.Copy !req
1142. You are D.E.A. Scum!Copy !req
1143. Were there some re-writes
that I missed?Copy !req
1144. Do you want to die?Copy !req
1145. - Do you?
- No!Copy !req
1146. Please, don't hurt me!Copy !req
1147. Say that again.Copy !req
1148. Please, don't hurt me.Copy !req
1149. No! Like you did before! Say it!Copy !req
1150. Say it!Copy !req
1151. Please, don't hurt me!Copy !req
1152. - What?
- You are Simple Jack.Copy !req
1153. You saw Simple Jack?Copy !req
1154. We love the tale of this man,
Simple Jack.Copy !req
1155. We do not have many luxury here.Copy !req
1156. And Simple Jack is the only movie
we possess.Copy !req
1157. You got the VHS.Copy !req
1158. We've watched it many, many times.Copy !req
1159. You should've got Oscar.Copy !req
1160. Well, you know. It's...Copy !req
1161. Just to be nominated...Copy !req
1162. You were nominated?Copy !req
1163. No, no, no. I wasn't nominated.Copy !req
1164. I'm just saying that to have been
nominated would have been nice.Copy !req
1165. It's just... It's very political.
You have to take out ads...Copy !req
1166. - Shut up now!
- Okay. Okay.Copy !req
1167. So, are you going toCopy !req
1168. let me go, or...Copy !req
1169. No. We'll hold you for ransom.Copy !req
1170. Much more money now!Copy !req
1171. He's in a meeting.Copy !req
1172. Yeah, I know.
In about two seconds with the Pecker.Copy !req
1173. I'm gonna rip your fucking tits off.Copy !req
1174. You wanna talk about trouble?
That's trouble.Copy !req
1175. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
1176. What do you need, Peck?Copy !req
1177. No, more like what do you need, Les?Copy !req
1178. Glasses?Copy !req
1179. What?Copy !req
1180. So you can read
the Tropic Thunder contractCopy !req
1181. that guarantees my client,
Tugg Speedman,Copy !req
1182. some form of digital video recorder
on location.Copy !req
1183. - Huh?
- I can't believe you let him in.Copy !req
1184. Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy,
so why don't you get the hell out of hereCopy !req
1185. before I snap your dick off
and jam it into your ass?Copy !req
1186. No, not you, Helen.Copy !req
1187. But I will rip your tits off
if you don't get me those theaters.Copy !req
1188. Perfect.Copy !req
1189. Hey, Tuggernuts,
I've got you on speakerphone.Copy !req
1190. I'm standing here with Les Grossman,Copy !req
1191. and he is dying to tell you
why he's apparently wiped his assCopy !req
1192. with the TiVo clause from your contract.Copy !req
1193. We are Flaming Dragon.Copy !req
1194. Speedman is with us now.Copy !req
1195. For 50 million, you will get him back.Copy !req
1196. - Are you gonna get those...
- Who is this?Copy !req
1197. - And how did you get this phone?
- We are Flaming Dragon!Copy !req
1198. Simple Jack belong to us now.Copy !req
1199. He does, does he?Copy !req
1200. Let me tell you something, shitbird.Copy !req
1201. I've never even heard
of your little agency.Copy !req
1202. But if you think
you can poach my client...Copy !req
1203. Send $50 million, or you no see
Simple Jack again because we kill him.Copy !req
1204. This is Les Grossman. Who is this?Copy !req
1205. This is Flaming Dragon!Copy !req
1206. Okay. Flaming Dragon. Fuckface.Copy !req
1207. First, take a big step back
and literally fuck your own face!Copy !req
1208. Now, I don't know what kind of
pan-Pacific bullshit power playCopy !req
1209. you're trying to pull here,
but Asia, Jack, is my territory.Copy !req
1210. So whatever you're thinking,
you better think again.Copy !req
1211. Otherwise, I'm gonna
have to head down there,Copy !req
1212. and I will rain down an ungodly
fucking firestorm upon you.Copy !req
1213. You're gonna have to call
the fucking United NationsCopy !req
1214. and get a fucking binding resolution
to keep me from fucking destroying you.Copy !req
1215. I am talking scorched earth,
motherfucker!Copy !req
1216. I will massacre you!Copy !req
1217. I will fuck you up!Copy !req
1218. - Could you find out who that was? Go.
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
1219. You wear these.
More like Simple Jack teeth.Copy !req
1220. Okay.Copy !req
1221. Hey. Look, I know you're a big fan,
and that's great...Copy !req
1222. Put teeth in!Copy !req
1223. Now do movie.Copy !req
1224. The whole movie?Copy !req
1225. I can't. I don't know the whole...Copy !req
1226. You perform! You perform or die!Copy !req
1227. Monkey swine!Copy !req
1228. Pa.Copy !req
1229. More stupid!Copy !req
1230. Pa, why you gotta make me feel bad?Copy !req
1231. You saw what I saw.Copy !req
1232. Tugg Speedman is dead meat
if we don't do something soon.Copy !req
1233. Yeah. We could do something
by getting our asses back to the hotel,Copy !req
1234. which is in the other direction!Copy !req
1235. Ain't right.Copy !req
1236. What would've happened
in The Great EscapeCopy !req
1237. if Steve McQueen and them dudes
had turned tail and ran?Copy !req
1238. Well, that's what that movie was about.
They were escaping. They ran away.Copy !req
1239. I'm trying to agree with you.
The point is they did something.Copy !req
1240. Then what are we supposed to do, huh?Copy !req
1241. 'Cause he's cleaning a gun
with no bullets. Yeah, that's a plan.Copy !req
1242. I'm just like a little boy,
playing with his dick when he's nervous.Copy !req
1243. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.Copy !req
1244. I got an idea.
This might be a little crazy.Copy !req
1245. Crazy's better than nothing.Copy !req
1246. Back in '98, I did a low-budget
titty comedy for Skinemax.Copy !req
1247. - Sex Camp. Remember it?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1248. Anyway, me and the campers
from the uncool campCopy !req
1249. had to break into the rich girl camp.Copy !req
1250. So, what we did,Copy !req
1251. we built a catapult
out of logs and underwear,Copy !req
1252. and they shot us over the wall,
and we parachuted down.Copy !req
1253. Look,Copy !req
1254. you guys, we already know the plan.Copy !req
1255. Are you fucking kidding me?
I'm giving you gold.Copy !req
1256. We do it just like in the book,
Chapter 26, the Wet Offensive.Copy !req
1257. The book of Tropic Thunder.Copy !req
1258. Yeah, did you guys read the book?Copy !req
1259. The flap, I read the back flap
and saw the pictures.Copy !req
1260. Well, it's okay.
It's exactly the same as in the script.Copy !req
1261. Cool.Copy !req
1262. You guys all read the script, right?Copy !req
1263. I don't read the script, script reads me.Copy !req
1264. What the hell does that even mean?Copy !req
1265. What you getting at with the books,
scripts? Spit that shit out, man!Copy !req
1266. All right. The Wet Offensive.Copy !req
1267. Osiris and Fats go undercover
as a diversion.Copy !req
1268. Osiris and Fats go undercover
as a diversion.Copy !req
1269. Motown and Brooklyn sneak in
via the river.Copy !req
1270. Yeah. But those dudes
was trained soldiers.Copy !req
1271. Yeah!Copy !req
1272. And we trained actors, motherfucker.Copy !req
1273. Time to man up.
And I ain't gonna sugarcoat.Copy !req
1274. Some of us
might not even make it back.Copy !req
1275. What do you mean?
Like not on the same flight?Copy !req
1276. Alpa and I's already wearing
earth mama's natural night camo.Copy !req
1277. - Cool it, Benson.
- Sorry.Copy !req
1278. We gonna scout, get a plan together.
We ain't back in 20, come looking.Copy !req
1279. We are Flaming Dragon.Copy !req
1280. Okay.Copy !req
1281. Flaming Dragon's
a heroin manufacturer.Copy !req
1282. They're responsible
for an eighth of the drug trade in Asia.Copy !req
1283. - Huge profit margin.
- Guys!Copy !req
1284. Would somebody please let me know
what the game plan is?Copy !req
1285. Peck! We have it handled.Copy !req
1286. Please, don't interrupt.
Everything's under control.Copy !req
1287. I got it. Got it.Copy !req
1288. - Les Grossman.
- We not get money yet.Copy !req
1289. Price now 100 million!Copy !req
1290. You pay now,
or tomorrow Simple Jack die.Copy !req
1291. Great. Let me get this down.Copy !req
1292. 100 million.Copy !req
1293. Wait! I got a better idea.Copy !req
1294. Instead of 100 million,Copy !req
1295. how about I send you
a hobo's dick cheese?Copy !req
1296. Then you kill him! Do your thing!
Skin the fucking bastard!Copy !req
1297. Go to town, man! Go to town!Copy !req
1298. - No...
- In the meantime, and as usual,Copy !req
1299. go fuck yourself!Copy !req
1300. - No.
- We don't negotiate with terrorists.Copy !req
1301. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, hey, are you insane?Copy !req
1302. - I think I could've done that better.
- I thought it was good.Copy !req
1303. They're gonna kill him!Copy !req
1304. And?Copy !req
1305. "And?"Copy !req
1306. It's a cold, hard world. Shit happens.Copy !req
1307. We'll weep for him, in the press.Copy !req
1308. Set up a scholarship in his name.Copy !req
1309. Eventually, and I'm talking way,
way down the road,Copy !req
1310. we file an insurance claim.Copy !req
1311. Preferably before
the end of the fiscal year.Copy !req
1312. Actually, the claim alone would net us
more than the movie would lose.Copy !req
1313. You can't be serious.Copy !req
1314. You kick in the door to my house,Copy !req
1315. all ants in your pants,
sucking my left nut to get a TiVo scrapCopy !req
1316. for the third runner-up
Sexiest Man Alive 1998,Copy !req
1317. and you're asking if I'm serious?Copy !req
1318. Let's face it.Copy !req
1319. The kids aren't dressing up as Scorcher
for Purim anymore.Copy !req
1320. Speedman is a dying star,Copy !req
1321. a white dwarf heading for a black hole.Copy !req
1322. That's physics. It's inevitable.Copy !req
1323. We've been handed
an incredible opportunity here, Peck.Copy !req
1324. The universe is talking to us right now.Copy !req
1325. You just gotta listen.Copy !req
1326. See, this is the good part, Pecker.
This is when the job gets fun.Copy !req
1327. Yeah.Copy !req
1328. Ask and you shall receive.Copy !req
1329. - All right.
- You play ball, we play ball.Copy !req
1330. I know you want the goodies.Copy !req
1331. Welcome to the goody room.Copy !req
1332. You paying attention?
'Cause I'm talking G5 for the Pecker.Copy !req
1333. That's how you're gonna roll.Copy !req
1334. No more frequent flier
bitch miles for my boy.Copy !req
1335. Yeah!Copy !req
1336. Playa.Copy !req
1337. Playa!Copy !req
1338. Big dick playa.Copy !req
1339. Swinging past your knees!Copy !req
1340. Big dick, baby.Copy !req
1341. Yep.Copy !req
1342. Or you can grow a conscienceCopy !req
1343. in the next five minutes
and see where that takes you.Copy !req
1344. Let me get this straight.Copy !req
1345. You want me
to let my client of 15 years,Copy !req
1346. one of my best friends,Copy !req
1347. die in the jungle, alone,
for some money and a G5?Copy !req
1348. Yes.Copy !req
1349. A G5 airplane?Copy !req
1350. Yes.Copy !req
1351. And lots of money.Copy !req
1352. Playa.Copy !req
1353. Yeah!Copy !req
1354. Smack it up, flip it, rub it down!Copy !req
1355. But Mama take care of Jack a lot.Copy !req
1356. How many more sleeps
before she wakes up again?Copy !req
1357. Sorry, Jack.Copy !req
1358. She in heaven now.Copy !req
1359. Damn! I thought the movie was bad.Copy !req
1360. She sleep forever.Copy !req
1361. To the man's credit, he's actually
eased up on the retard throttle.Copy !req
1362. And now that's added a balance,
and the audience can connect.Copy !req
1363. I mean, this is Theater 101,
but, you know, he's had a tough road.Copy !req
1364. He'll become a naturalist.Copy !req
1365. - Yeah.
- Break down the aesthetic distance,Copy !req
1366. then the...Copy !req
1367. Told you I'd tag you back.Copy !req
1368. Can I tell you that I'm sorryCopy !req
1369. for any offense I might've caused, man?Copy !req
1370. - I just got caught up in...
- In being a dumb-ass?Copy !req
1371. I guess so.Copy !req
1372. Why you still doing this
Chicken George shit, I have no idea.Copy !req
1373. - Neither do I.
- It's beyond me.Copy !req
1374. - It's beyond me.
- You confused.Copy !req
1375. - I am a little confused.
- I know.Copy !req
1376. But are we cool?Copy !req
1377. Not really.Copy !req
1378. Hey, man.Copy !req
1379. - How's it going?
- Good. Yourself?Copy !req
1380. Hey, so, if it's no big deal,Copy !req
1381. I think I'm just gonna hang back here
for the mission.Copy !req
1382. Watch the stuff.Copy !req
1383. - Is that cool?
- What? No!Copy !req
1384. We need you, Jeff.Copy !req
1385. What are you talking about?Copy !req
1386. Okay, look, man.Copy !req
1387. - I got something to tell you.
- Okay.Copy !req
1388. You know those jellybeans
I was eating?Copy !req
1389. Well, they weren't jellybeans, okay?Copy !req
1390. - They were drugs.
- Really?Copy !req
1391. I get down there near the mother lode,
I am done. I'm jonesing bad, man.Copy !req
1392. I'm gonna fucking do all the heroin
in the fucking world.Copy !req
1393. If you guys wanna make it through
this thing, you gotta strap me to a tree.Copy !req
1394. - Are you serious?
- Yeah, I'm serious. Literally, a tree.Copy !req
1395. And you can, no matter what, you can't
fucking untie me until it is done,Copy !req
1396. until it is out of my system.Copy !req
1397. I'm gonna say,
"Hey, man, I'm cool. It's cool.Copy !req
1398. "I'm finally better. I'm finally better.
Untie me."Copy !req
1399. Don't listen to me!
Anything I fucking say is a lie!Copy !req
1400. You got it!Copy !req
1401. Goodbye, Mama!Copy !req
1402. Now you can have ice cream in heaven.Copy !req
1403. I'll see you tonight, when I go to bed,
in my head movies.Copy !req
1404. But this head movie
makes my eyes rain.Copy !req
1405. Dang.
Short-bus is taking some real hits.Copy !req
1406. - They got him on the move!
- That's torture, man.Copy !req
1407. Okay. That's where they keeping him.Copy !req
1408. I gotta get cracking on my costume.Copy !req
1409. Say, are you good
with a needle and thread?Copy !req
1410. Hell, yeah.Copy !req
1411. Alpa Chino chinos sold more than
five million pairs last spring at the Gap.Copy !req
1412. - I sewed them patterns myself, baby.
- Let's roll out.Copy !req
1413. It's a little twig man Oscar.Copy !req
1414. I'm going to call you Half Squat.Copy !req
1415. And you can call meCopy !req
1416. Papa.Copy !req
1417. Wow, look at all those stars.Copy !req
1418. Really makes a guy feel pretty small.Copy !req
1419. This could be the last time
we look at these stars.Copy !req
1420. Man, that's beauty.Copy !req
1421. Nights like tonight
make a man wonder what it's all about.Copy !req
1422. Hey, you guys.
Anybody got some bug spray?Copy !req
1423. Don't ignore me!Copy !req
1424. Stick it out, man.
We're gonna get through this.Copy !req
1425. - Hey, Kirk?
- Yeah?Copy !req
1426. Are you still dating
Jennifer Love Hewitt?Copy !req
1427. 'Cause I think she's hot.Copy !req
1428. No, that was just some
tabloid conjecture.Copy !req
1429. Hey, guys, I'm good. I made it through.
You can untie me now.Copy !req
1430. Funny, huh?Copy !req
1431. The circus life 280 days a year
on location.Copy !req
1432. It's hard to find a girl
that can hang with that, you know?Copy !req
1433. Not one worth keeping, nohow.Copy !req
1434. Hey, Radar? Evans?Copy !req
1435. No, it's Kevin.Copy !req
1436. Kev, whatever the fuck.
Come over here.Copy !req
1437. I didn't tell you, but Fatties: Fart Three
is coming down the pike,Copy !req
1438. and there's a role in there for you
if you come over and untie me.Copy !req
1439. Jeff, you're just going to
have to tough it out.Copy !req
1440. Your mother's a cankerous whore!Copy !req
1441. Jesus, man.Copy !req
1442. Hey, man.Copy !req
1443. Remember way back when I said
your mother was a cankerous whore?Copy !req
1444. I'm sorry, man.
I did not mean that. She's not.Copy !req
1445. How about you, man?Copy !req
1446. You got some little minx waiting for you
on the other side of tomorrow?Copy !req
1447. Me?Copy !req
1448. I've barely even had a girlfriend, and...Copy !req
1449. I was really hoping I'd get laid
when this movie came out,Copy !req
1450. but that's not gonna happen.Copy !req
1451. What about you, Masterblaster?Copy !req
1452. You got a certain someone you trying
to get with back in the States?Copy !req
1453. What, Alpa Chino?
He's like 10 girls deep, 24/7.Copy !req
1454. No. You missing me, man.Copy !req
1455. I'm talking about something special.
Big difference.Copy !req
1456. How about it?Copy !req
1457. Yeah.Copy !req
1458. Yeah, there is.Copy !req
1459. Well? What's the skinny?
Y'all been on a date or what?Copy !req
1460. No. I mean...Copy !req
1461. I always wanted to, but I guess
I just never had the courage to ask.Copy !req
1462. It's... It's complicated.Copy !req
1463. No! It's simple as pie, man.Copy !req
1464. You plant your feet in the ground, you
look her square in the eyes, you say,Copy !req
1465. "Hey, baby, you and me's going
on a date." That's the end of story.Copy !req
1466. - What's her name?
- Lance.Copy !req
1467. "Listen here, Lance..."Copy !req
1468. Lance? What the fuck did I just hear?
Lance?Copy !req
1469. - Did you say "Lance"?
- No!Copy !req
1470. - That sounded like "Lance."
- No, I said "Nance."Copy !req
1471. - That's what I said, "Nance."
- It sounded like "Lance."Copy !req
1472. Look, I'm Alpa Chino, okay?Copy !req
1473. I love the pussy! All right?Copy !req
1474. Lay your ass back down
and look at the stars.Copy !req
1475. When you wrote I Love Tha PussyCopy !req
1476. was you thinking of dangling your dice
on Lance's forehead?Copy !req
1477. Oh, hell, no! What? Come on. Look.Copy !req
1478. - Man, everyone's gay once in a while.
- I'm not gay!Copy !req
1479. This Hollywood.Copy !req
1480. How about we all get back to work?Copy !req
1481. - Okay. Cool.
- This is ridiculous!Copy !req
1482. We got a big day tomorrow.
Let's get focused.Copy !req
1483. Alpa, if you untie me,
I will literally suck your dick right now.Copy !req
1484. I told you, for the last time,
I love the pussy!Copy !req
1485. I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft,Copy !req
1486. work the pipe and swallow the gravy.Copy !req
1487. Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this.Copy !req
1488. Okay, so, what's the plan?Copy !req
1489. Are you gonna talk Vietnamese
to those dudes?Copy !req
1490. No. No. Mandarin Chinese.Copy !req
1491. Which, from what I can tell,
is what they speaking down there.Copy !req
1492. How the hell do you know Chinese?Copy !req
1493. Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li.
Second Globe, third Oscar.Copy !req
1494. Prepped for that one by working in
a Beijing textile factory for eight months.Copy !req
1495. That might be our ride.Copy !req
1496. The straps are too tight!Copy !req
1497. Shut your mouth and follow my lead.Copy !req
1498. The straps are cutting off
my circulation!Copy !req
1499. Fuck you!Copy !req
1500. Not the fucking bull again.
Fucking asshole.Copy !req
1501. Laz, don't let him take me off the yak.Copy !req
1502. Bitch whore! Fucking hate you!Copy !req
1503. Okay.Copy !req
1504. All right.Copy !req
1505. That looks like it could be
the munitions hut right there.Copy !req
1506. I'm gonna try to find Speedman
in the main building.Copy !req
1507. I don't know Chinese but it sounds like
your improvising is for shit.Copy !req
1508. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
1509. Get over here!Copy !req
1510. - What are you guys doing here?
- He has hands.Copy !req
1511. - He killed Damien.
- Bullshit!Copy !req
1512. - He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis.
- Almost!Copy !req
1513. What are you talking about?
Damien stepped on a old landmine.Copy !req
1514. Sweet. Thank God.Copy !req
1515. - We busting Speedman out.
- Speedman's here?Copy !req
1516. I take it y'all are doing
the Wet Offensive from the book.Copy !req
1517. I can give y'all a diversion.Copy !req
1518. I got enough shit here to light this place
up like it's the Fourth of fucking July.Copy !req
1519. Yes, your farm.Copy !req
1520. Where is your farm,Copy !req
1521. American?Copy !req
1522. My farm?Copy !req
1523. Oh, shit.Copy !req
1524. Here's my motherfucking farm!Copy !req
1525. Yeah!Copy !req
1526. Yeah! Chicka-chickaw, baby!Copy !req
1527. Kwan-Lo!Copy !req
1528. I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker!Copy !req
1529. Yeah!Copy !req
1530. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
keep your head down!Copy !req
1531. Keep your head down on the ground!Copy !req
1532. Nobody move or I do the little big guy!Copy !req
1533. That's right,
we running this program now, J.P.Copy !req
1534. Now show me where the drugs are.Copy !req
1535. What the fuck?Copy !req
1536. That ain't the plan!Copy !req
1537. Don't judge me!Copy !req
1538. He's got a real serious problem.Copy !req
1539. Hey! Hey, you!Copy !req
1540. Take off your clothes!Copy !req
1541. Take off your clothes!Copy !req
1542. What do we do now?Copy !req
1543. Stick with the plan. Find Speedman.Copy !req
1544. Alpa, keep this clown posse down.
Come on now.Copy !req
1545. Y'all heard the man.
Be suede, don't move!Copy !req
1546. Fuck your do-rag. Fuck your do-rag.Copy !req
1547. - Door!
- One, two, three!Copy !req
1548. I go high, you go low.Copy !req
1549. Get down. Get down! Get down!
Chow Yun-Fat, get the hell down!Copy !req
1550. If I see one more head pop up,
it's gonna be bullet Whac-A-Mole.Copy !req
1551. Come on, come on!Copy !req
1552. - Smoke grenade.
- Don't drop it now.Copy !req
1553. Here.Copy !req
1554. - What's this?
- I don't know what it's called.Copy !req
1555. - What's this?
- I don't know what it's called.Copy !req
1556. I just know the sound it makes
when it lies.Copy !req
1557. Don't move, Matchbox,
or I will shoot you.Copy !req
1558. I'm gonna put on this thing. Don't move.Copy !req
1559. I can still see you.Copy !req
1560. Tugg!Copy !req
1561. Tugg?Copy !req
1562. Gotcha.Copy !req
1563. Roll your shit up, man. We going home.Copy !req
1564. Home?Copy !req
1565. But I'm doing five shows a day
for a standing-room-only crowd.Copy !req
1566. Don't you get it? I already am home.Copy !req
1567. All right, now, dude, you gotta get it...Copy !req
1568. My son gave this to me.Copy !req
1569. - That's your stick buddy?
- His name is Twigman.Copy !req
1570. Does he wanna come with us?Copy !req
1571. Get down! Get down! Get down!Copy !req
1572. Maybe y'all heard of me.
Y'all heard of Alpa Chino? No?Copy !req
1573. I love that pussy, hell, yeah, hell, yeahCopy !req
1574. They're not your demo, dude.Copy !req
1575. Come on.
Six motherfucking VMAs, baby.Copy !req
1576. Two BET Awards. Alpa Chino.Copy !req
1577. Like him in Carlito's Way?Copy !req
1578. Hey, yo, you know what?
Speak English. I don't speak that stuff.Copy !req
1579. What're you sayin'? Huh?Copy !req
1580. Devil's Advocate. Dog Day Afternoon.Copy !req
1581. Cruising. Sea of Love.Copy !req
1582. Real Al Pacino.Copy !req
1583. Get the fuck down. That's a whole
different dude altogether.Copy !req
1584. What you doing? What you doing?
Don't touch that gun.Copy !req
1585. Don't do it! Don't touch that gun!Copy !req
1586. On my momma, if you touch that gun...Copy !req
1587. - Oh, shit, it's on!
- Over here!Copy !req
1588. - What're you doing?
- I'm gonna give these boysCopy !req
1589. a Hanoi high-five.Copy !req
1590. Shadow me, Pinocchio!Copy !req
1591. Smoke!Copy !req
1592. Oh, shit!Copy !req
1593. Jeff, don't!Copy !req
1594. It doesn't matter what I do.Copy !req
1595. I'll always be a screw-up.
No one'll ever respect me.Copy !req
1596. That is not true, you are not a screw-up!
You make so many people laugh.Copy !req
1597. They only laugh at my farts.Copy !req
1598. Jeff, we really need to go now!Copy !req
1599. This is all I deserve!Copy !req
1600. Laugh at that, you bastards!Copy !req
1601. Hilarious! Hilarious!Copy !req
1602. Let's move. We only have 16 hours
before they wake up.Copy !req
1603. Sounds like the dinner bell's ringing.Copy !req
1604. These assholes are gonna be crawling
in here ready to fucking eat us.Copy !req
1605. There. All right, you keep six right here.Copy !req
1606. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
1607. Come on, what are you guys doing?
Let's get out of here!Copy !req
1608. He's on tilt status.Copy !req
1609. Same thing happened to me when
I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot.Copy !req
1610. They found me in an alley in BurbankCopy !req
1611. trying to re-enter the Earth's
atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.Copy !req
1612. What're you talking about?Copy !req
1613. Come on, fellas, we really need to go.Copy !req
1614. Daggomit, Blamtucky,
I ain't re-programming a VCR.Copy !req
1615. Give me the flame thrower.
You gotta start the chopper.Copy !req
1616. - No, fuck that! Just give me this.
- No time! I'll take care of this!Copy !req
1617. All right. Give me your hooks.Copy !req
1618. Don't worry,
I'm not gonna put them on again.Copy !req
1619. - Just give me your goddamn hooks.
- All right. Here.Copy !req
1620. Get those boys back to the bird, pronto!Copy !req
1621. Shit! Enough!Copy !req
1622. Fake shit!Copy !req
1623. Fuck!Copy !req
1624. Go get your guys!
Get them to the chopper!Copy !req
1625. I'll take care of these yahoos!Copy !req
1626. You're gonna focus up now,
motherfucker, and say it.Copy !req
1627. - "It's me, Tugg!"
- It's me, Tugg.Copy !req
1628. That's right! Now, Tugg who?Copy !req
1629. - Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you?
- Me?Copy !req
1630. I know who I am!Copy !req
1631. I'm a dude playing a dude
disguised as another dude.Copy !req
1632. What?Copy !req
1633. You a dude
that don't know what dude he is!Copy !req
1634. Or are you a dude who has no idea
what dude he isCopy !req
1635. and claims to know what dude he is...Copy !req
1636. What the fuck
are you guys talking about?Copy !req
1637. by playing other dudes?Copy !req
1638. I know what dude I am!Copy !req
1639. - You're scared.
- I ain't scared. Scared of what?Copy !req
1640. Or scared of who?Copy !req
1641. - Scared of who?
- Come on, guys. We really need to go!Copy !req
1642. Scared of you.Copy !req
1643. - Jesus.
- What's going on?Copy !req
1644. The dudes are emerging.Copy !req
1645. He's right, you know.Copy !req
1646. I am notCopy !req
1647. Sergeant Lincoln Osiris.Copy !req
1648. We gotta roll out.Copy !req
1649. Nor am I Father O'Malley.Copy !req
1650. Or Neil Armstrong.Copy !req
1651. I think I might be nobody.Copy !req
1652. Wow!Copy !req
1653. The insecurity level
with you guys is ridiculous!Copy !req
1654. - Everybody's got issues!
- Yeah, man, everybody got issues.Copy !req
1655. Come on! You're Kirk Lazarus.Copy !req
1656. You're the whole reason
I got into acting.Copy !req
1657. I memorized every single monologueCopy !req
1658. you ever did
when I was in theater school.Copy !req
1659. - Really?
- Yeah. And look, Tugg!Copy !req
1660. I saw Scorcher I
24 times when I was in eighth grade.Copy !req
1661. That shit blew me away!
I got high to that shit! You the man!Copy !req
1662. Yeah, man, Scorcher I was great.
Let's get the fuck out of here!Copy !req
1663. Tugg, Tugger, you're the last piece
of the puzzle, buddy.Copy !req
1664. We need you! Your men need you!
Are you with us?Copy !req
1665. I'm a rooster illusion.Copy !req
1666. Fuck it. We'll deal with him later.Copy !req
1667. Let's move. Come on. Come on.
Double time. Gotta go!Copy !req
1668. Come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
1669. Bingo! Move out.Copy !req
1670. Oh, God.Copy !req
1671. Just say no to this,
you drug-making midget.Copy !req
1672. Gotta hold on!Copy !req
1673. Four Leaf!Copy !req
1674. You grew hands?Copy !req
1675. RPG, gentlemen!Copy !req
1676. Where are you going?Copy !req
1677. Oh, my God.
I am moving to catering after this.Copy !req
1678. My ass!Copy !req
1679. My ass!Copy !req
1680. Hey, yo!
We gotta get our shit together, Tugg!Copy !req
1681. We gotta get his cracker ass
to the chopper!Copy !req
1682. Are you still crazy?
We gotta get Candisky to the chopper!Copy !req
1683. It's Sandusky.Copy !req
1684. - Kevin Sandusky.
- That's my name.Copy !req
1685. You remembered my name.Copy !req
1686. Alpa, go help Cody.Copy !req
1687. Portnoy, get Sandusky
back to the chopper. Go!Copy !req
1688. - I got him!
- Let's go!Copy !req
1689. Let's get out of here!Copy !req
1690. Hey, Leaf!Copy !req
1691. - Leaf!
- Yeah.Copy !req
1692. Hit the plungerCopy !req
1693. - as soon as they clear the bridge!
- Got it!Copy !req
1694. Come on! Get in the chopper!Copy !req
1695. - Come on! Move!
- Kirk! Wait!Copy !req
1696. Laz, I'm gonna blow the bridge!Copy !req
1697. Are you the special effects guy?Copy !req
1698. - You God damn right I am.
- Fuck yeah!Copy !req
1699. Leaf's about to blow the bridge.
Come on!Copy !req
1700. You don't have to! You don't have to!
I'm staying.Copy !req
1701. No, I can't let you do that, mate.
We gotta go.Copy !req
1702. No, I'm telling you, I'm not being crazy.
They'll listen to me.Copy !req
1703. I know it sounds weird,
but I have a connection with them.Copy !req
1704. You're not doing tofu dinner theater
for these motherfuckers. Let's roll!Copy !req
1705. - Get over here!
- I have a son now. Little Half Squat.Copy !req
1706. Who in crikey fuck is Half Squat?Copy !req
1707. He's my son. He's my boy!Copy !req
1708. He needs me. I have to go back to him.Copy !req
1709. You tell the world what happened here.Copy !req
1710. What happened here?Copy !req
1711. I don't know, but you need to tell them.Copy !req
1712. I got this.Copy !req
1713. Tugg!Copy !req
1714. You take care of the boys!
I'll deal with these guys.Copy !req
1715. Where is he going?
We're gonna fucking die!Copy !req
1716. Laz, come on. He joined the circus.
Let's go.Copy !req
1717. - You've got hands.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1718. - Fuck! You've got hands?
- Come on!Copy !req
1719. - Come on!
- Get in!Copy !req
1720. - Come on!
- He's staying?Copy !req
1721. Go! He's a lost cause, mate!
Get out of here!Copy !req
1722. I was wrong! Blow the bridge!
Blow the fucking bridge!Copy !req
1723. I got this.Copy !req
1724. Leaf, no!Copy !req
1725. It's over! He's gone!Copy !req
1726. Cody! We gotta go!Copy !req
1727. Look.Copy !req
1728. Think he's done.Copy !req
1729. Cover me!Copy !req
1730. - Come on!
- Wait, come back!Copy !req
1731. How do we cover him?Copy !req
1732. All right, game over. Come on, mate.
Come on.Copy !req
1733. - You all right, man?
- I'm cold.Copy !req
1734. I can't feel my legs.Copy !req
1735. No, no, they're in a puddle, mate. See?
There's a puddle right there.Copy !req
1736. - No worries.
- Good.Copy !req
1737. Come on, we gotta split, man.Copy !req
1738. - You guys came back for me.
- Course.Copy !req
1739. Hey! I want you to know something.Copy !req
1740. What?Copy !req
1741. I know who you are.Copy !req
1742. You're my friend.Copy !req
1743. You're my brother.Copy !req
1744. But like a really cool brother, you know?Copy !req
1745. Like a brother
where there was no animosity or...Copy !req
1746. Don't look now,
you got some real tears going.Copy !req
1747. Really?Copy !req
1748. That's the stuff
that accolades are made of.Copy !req
1749. Jesus, let's go, man!Copy !req
1750. All right?Copy !req
1751. All right?Copy !req
1752. Upsy-daisy.Copy !req
1753. Come on! Come on! Come on!
Let's go! Let's go!Copy !req
1754. Get in! Get in!Copy !req
1755. Come on! Here we go!Copy !req
1756. Tuggernuts! I got it!Copy !req
1757. - Tugger!
- Rick!Copy !req
1758. What the fuck?Copy !req
1759. I got the TiVo!Copy !req
1760. My friend wants a TiVo,
my friend gets a TiVo!Copy !req
1761. Oh, shit!Copy !req
1762. And the Oscar goes to...Copy !req
1763. Yes! Tugg Speedman.Copy !req
1764. "Tropic Blunder,
The True Story Behind the MakingCopy !req
1765. "of the Most Expensive
Fake True War Story Ever."Copy !req
1766. Yeah!Copy !req
1767. Yeah, you son of a bitch!Copy !req
1768. Eight Oscars, $400 millionCopy !req
1769. and you saved
Tugg Speedman's career.Copy !req
1770. I couldn't have done it
without you, Slolom.Copy !req
1771. Really?Copy !req
1772. No, dickhead, of course I could.Copy !req
1773. - A nutless monkey could do your job.
- Well, I...Copy !req
1774. Now, go get drunk
and take credit at all the parties.Copy !req
1775. - I would never do that to...
- Joking.Copy !req
1776. - Yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1777. Very... Okay, there he is.Copy !req
1778. - There he is. Okay.
- Go have fun.Copy !req
1779. All right. We're having a...Copy !req
1780. Fuck, okay. Thank you, Les.
Thank you. You have a good night...Copy !req
1781. But seriously,
a nutless monkey could do your job.Copy !req
1782. Good. Thank you, sir.Copy !req