Trailer Park Boys: Don't Legalize It (2014)

1. You okay man?

2. - Mr. Green! - Hey, what's up? What's up?

3. Good to see you, candy man. What's up, Hydro?

4. It's been a minute, dawg. What's up with y'all?

5. Sorry about the circumstances and all that, right? Sayin'.

6. Yo, what's up with T man?

7. Man, T at a halfway house, y'all. But he gonna be here.

8. What the fuck are you doing here?

9. - I invited myself. - Yeah? Well, fucking get him out of here.

10. You couldn't wear a fucking shirt to a funeral, Randy?

11. I got the keys. Just take it easy,

12. - the transmission's slipping. - Okay.

13. I'll pick it up after work.

14. - Do you mind putting some gas in it? - Sure.

15. How's the mall, George?

16. - Good. - I got some good dope for you,

17. - I'll bring it by after work. - Thanks, Ricky.

18. Good to see you, Julian.

19. We're not friends, we're business partners. Don't forget it.

20. Okay, tough guy.

21. We've got the buyers in Montreal, everything's set, bring all you can bring.

22. Alright, cool.

23. Did you hear that?

24. The cops threw the old man out of the dump,

25. so he moved to the goddamn parking lot of the old Zellers downtown.

26. He was selling hotdogs and drinking. He was there almost a year.

27. He wouldn't listen to anybody.

28. I fucking warned him about the propane.

29. Last Monday at 4 a.m., there was a great big explosion.

30. Some bums witnessed it, said Ray was down there.

31. Fucking drunk, smoking cigarettes.

32. Trying to steal propane for his grill and that was it, fucking ka-blamo.

33. Motherfucker, he blew himself up.

34. Sayin'?

35. Sad like a motherfucker too, ain't it?

36. I was down with Ray, dawg.

37. I loved that old white boy.

38. Over this way, please. Everybody gather around over here.

39. Get the fuck out of the way.

40. Thanks for coming today, everyone.

41. We're gathered here today at Ray's sanctuary.

42. This is a place that most of us would... rightly call the dump.

43. But not Ray.

44. For Ray, this was like his personal paradise.

45. He...

46. Sorry.

47. We're here today to remember Ray, and all of the things that he taught us.

48. To celebrate what a wonderful man he was.

49. He wasn't wonderful, he was shitty.

50. Maybe the shittiest man there ever was, ever will be.

51. You better shut your fucking mouth right now.

52. Goddamn right, you bald-headed, bespectacled bitch!

53. It's a funeral, motherfucker!

54. I'm gonna slap the white boy out your mouths!

55. You don't disrespect a motherfucker like that at his own funeral!

56. - Jamie... - What the fuck's wrong with you, bitch?

57. You too Randy, get the fuck back, fucking Simon Cowell with titties!

58. You're out of fucking line right now.

59. Sorry, Julian.

60. My apologies, everyone.

61. Continue.

62. Can you please just fucking leave?

63. - How could you say that? - Randy, Ray isn't dead.

64. Piss still flows in the jug, bud.

65. Come on, Randy.

66. - How could you say that? - Rand...

67. Instant karla, fucky!

68. Fuck!

69. - Jesús Christ, Ricky! - Fucking asshole.

70. Ricky get up. Ricky...

71. Fucking drunk, Bubbs.

72. My dad was the...

73. It's okay, Ricky.

74. Bubbs, can you fucking read this for me?

75. Yeah, Ricky. It's okay.

76. Ricky's a little too upset.

77. - Understandably, so... - Tyrone!

78. I'm going to read the words that he prepared.

79. My dad wasn't always right, but he acted like he was.

80. And that was the most important thing to be thunk of.

81. My dad was awesome.

82. And if you don't like him...

83. you can fuck off.

84. That's it. Thank you.

85. Here's to fucking Ray.

86. Fucking way she goes.

87. Fucking way she goes.

88. Fucking way she goes.

89. Present arms!

90. Fuck...

91. - Jesús Christ, Jacob. - What the fuck was that?

92. Weak!

93. Sorry, Julian.

94. - Oh my fuck, Tyrone! - What is he doing?

95. He's breaking the fuck north, dawg. He hates that halfway house.

96. He knows if he gets out of the province they can't fuck with him.

97. Oh man, that's a dumb move. He's gonna end up back in jail.

98. Like you know a lot about staying out of jail.

99. How's it going?

100. Jesús Christ!

101. Fucking flyers.

102. My dad said the biggest mistakes of my life was giving up on growing dope.

103. Well that, and working for Julian.

104. And for a while, I did give up on dope.

105. Everybody said I was done.

106. Cops, judges, Lahey... They all said, and I kofe,

107. "I'd never, ever grow dope again."

108. Does this look like I'd never, ever grow dope again?

109. Fuck those guys. Dope's a part of me, and I can't change that.

110. Dope's a part of everybody. I don't know if you know this,

111. but people have these naturally occurring cannabinoid sectors in their brain.

112. What the fuck do you think we have those there for?

113. It's for dope to get us high, that's what.

114. The biggest question I had to figure out last time I went to jail was:

115. how in the fuck can I keep doing this and not get caught?

116. But, I also had to figure out where in the fuck to grow the dope.

117. Should I grow it in the trailer park? Lahey's gonna be fucking with me,

118. I'll have cops all over my ass. It just doesn't fucking work.

119. Cops aren't going to fuck with me in the sub-division.

120. Lahey is definitely not going to fuck with me in the sub-division.

121. This is all mine now. I have all of this,

122. because my dad said, "Don't fucking work with Julian."

123. Thanks for the fucking advice, Dad. Wish you were here, bud.

124. Ricky did this. He caused my stroke.

125. Happened the day he got out of jail, when he shit himself back into this park.

126. Now I'm a prisoner, and he's free to go wherever he wants, whenever he wants.

127. Fortunately he's growing his dope somewhere else.

128. But when he shits, he still shits in the park.

129. It is dirty fucking tough.

130. I mean, I can't get a real job. Can't get any job.

131. Employers see how many times I've been to jail,

132. and they think it's a mistake on the goddamn paperwork.

133. Then I have to say, "No, no that's accurate,

134. I've been in there that many times."

135. Here's your chicken and liquor. It's $65, plus $10 for delivery.

136. You know, so now I've just been slinging

137. chicken, and beer, and cigarettes and liquor to people

138. for a $10 fee just to get by.

139. Oh Jesús, I almost forgot your cigarettes.

140. Corey Hart! Ha! Ha!

141. It wasn't fucking easy.

142. I got out of jail and I was just as broke and fucked up as everyone else.

143. So... I fell back on bouncing at the Red Knight.

144. This skinny little prick was fucking around, got up on the bar, started dancing.

145. He was wasted, I was wasted.

146. I grabbed a hold of him, threw him down, put him in a hold.

147. And I don't know what happened, the guy fucking sucker-punched me.

148. Knocked me out in front of everybody.

149. I mean, even my doorman saw it.

150. That forced me to step back and say to myself,

151. "Julian, are you a fucking bouncer, or are you a businessman?"

152. My business has been up and running for two months now.

153. - Private. - Good evening, Sergeant.

154. Go for it.

155. Shhh.

156. Come on, go, go, go.

157. - Nice job, buddy. - Thanks, Julian.

158. Oh! Jesús Christ, Jacob! Jacob, turn the piss off!

159. - Fuck! - I'm really sorry, Jules.

160. Man, you're here almost every day, someone's going to notice something.

161. This stuff is liquid fucking gold, okay?

162. These guys in Montreal want the whole fucking thing.

163. It's going to make you and I a lot of money.

164. Julian's got the Lincoln!

165. - Hey, man. - Drink?

166. Yeah, sure.

167. I got a little present for you too, man, from the harvest.

168. - Here you go, bud. - Right on. Thanks, buddy.

169. Fucking best I've ever grown.

170. - Looks good, man. - Smooth as fuck.

171. What the fuck's wrong with you?

172. Oh, look at Mr. Fancy.

173. In a move that has raised eyebrows for some and hopes for others,

174. Canadá's Justice Minister today issued an invitation to marijuana activists

175. to speak at a hearing in Ottawa on a conspicuous date, April 20.

176. That puts the hearing on the same date that thousands of pot activists will gather

177. for their annual 4/20 smoke-in on Parliament Hill.

178. People are lining up in Ottawa for a chance to have their voices heard.

179. Meanwhile, others are confidently predicting full legalization within a matter of months,

180. effectively creating Canadá's marijuana industry.

181. What the fuck does that mean? What the fuck are they saying?

182. They want to legalize it. It's going to happen.

183. They can't legalize dope now. I mean, look what I've got going on here.

184. This took me everything I had to get this going.

185. I just can't fucking believe this is happening right now.

186. Listen, man, this is what we gotta do.

187. We've got to sell all of our product right now

188. and get the fuck out while we can.

189. We gotta merge our companies together.

190. - What does that mean? - We gotta be partners.

191. I don't want to be rude here,

192. but I have a serious fucking problem with the product that you're selling.

193. - Why? - Because it's a fucking embarrassing.

194. What if Lucy... Not to mention Lucy, what if Trinity, my daughter,

195. finds out I'm selling piss with Julian?

196. - They're not going to know. - Do you know what they call Jacob?

197. - What? - Your piss chimp!

198. I can't even believe that you're doing that.

199. You've really got me thinking with this Ottawa shit right now.

200. Fuck.

201. I'm sure Bubbles is going to want to fucking do it, he's broke right now.

202. No, no, no, don't in-fucking-volve Bubbles in this, man.

203. I'm really fucking worried about Bubbles.

204. He's really, really the most fucked I've ever seen him.

205. He's drinking constantly,

206. he's on his little chicken bike driving around drunk.

207. I don't think he's making a lot of money.

208. He just doesn't seem happy. He's living under J-Rods fucking step.

209. - Hey, man. - Hey, Bubbles.

210. Hey, B, the old man and the fat boy

211. was here looking for you's stayin', know what I'm saying?

212. What? What did they want?

213. I don't know what they want, they stank. But I do know what me and Sarah want.

214. Two years ago he got out the joint, I was like, "Come crash with us."

215. I got a spot under my stoop, you can crash there as long as you want.

216. I didn't mean two years, dawg. Two fucking years dog.

217. Two years.

218. Calgary rap battle championship ring.

219. Hey, I got mad love for all my past bitches, you know what I mean?

220. But none of them bitches was able to push up on me the way that Sarah...

221. - She my main... she my... she my bitch. - You better watch it.

222. One thing I wish he would excel at a little more is moving the fuck on, dawg.

223. - What's going on, boys? - The fuck outta here, man.

224. What is this, some kind of a fucking intervention?

225. It's a friend-tervention, dawg.

226. It's time to move, know what I'm saying? You're my boy, but it's time to be a man.

227. - Yeah, I do know what you mean. - Well, that's a good start.

228. Yeah, I'll get my stuff packed up and be on my way.

229. Movin' swish in your stomach from here to somewhere else

230. don't count as moving.

231. I don't want to sound ungrateful, you know?

232. I do appreciate everything J-Roc and Sarah have done for me.

233. Want some beans?

234. You fucking love beans, yeah.

235. They're a little bit hot, I should have warned you.

236. 40 bucks a month has been the rent. It's actually been quite nice, but...

237. apparently now, the sentiment is that maybe I've overstayed my welcome.

238. What the fuck?

239. Trin!

240. Dad, I'm sorry, the transmission is fucked.

241. - It's stuck in reverse. - Totally fucked, Ricky.

242. Hey, I appreciate you not making that kind of language in front of my daughter.

243. I also appreciate you not working on my fucking car.

244. Just stick to mall security, okay? Chasing kids around the food court.

245. Chhh, copy? Chhh, Georgie?

246. - You look good, Luce. - You look good too, Rick.

247. You look fucked.

248. Brought that for you.

249. - So reverse still works? - Yeah, yeah it's fine.

250. Hi, Bubbles.

251. This letter was sent to the old Sunnyvale PO box.

252. Address was hard to read, so we opened it.

253. - You read my mail, Randy? - Sorry, Bubbles.

254. Three black!

255. Mr. Lahey, check this out.

256. I found this suit thing and respirator thing in Julian's bag.

257. Tag it and bag it, Randy. Put it with the rest of the evidence.

258. Something happened to Julian. I don't know what it was.

259. But do you remember all those girlfriends he used to have?

260. Beautiful women, day and night, back and forth to his trailer.

261. All of a sudden, just up and stopped.

262. What the hell have we got here?

263. - Look at that, Randy. - Meth cocks?

264. Fuck, it's Ricky.

265. - Is he coming here? - Looks like it.

266. Oh, shit! Go see what he wants.

267. See what he wants, Randy.

268. Guys, I just want to fucking come in, have a nice peaceful talk.

269. - Ricky... - Frig Off, Ricky.

270. - Ricky! This is trespassing, Ricky! - Ricky!

271. Just calm down, guys.

272. I hear you fucky-donkies are snooping around.

273. - What the hell do you want, Ricky? - If you guys want my garbage,

274. I'll just bring it to you every day. Is that what you want?

275. Ricky! For fuck's sakes!

276. Why don't you go outside and play some fucking dandelions

277. or some sprinklers there, Randall? Just shutty that fucky!

278. What's with your hair, man?

279. You think you're a fucking Beavil or something? You look fucked.

280. Oh, thanks, guys.

281. So Jim, why don't you tell me, what the fuck are you looking for?

282. I'll tell you what we're looking for, Ricky.

283. We found these cocks in Julian's garbage.

284. So what if someone threw cocks in the garbage? Who cares?

285. If you guys haven't noticed, this trailer park is going to shit again.

286. So why don't you and Fuckgut Bobannaran, or whatever the fuck you call him,

287. go and do your little trailer-park dummy-jobs

288. instead of digging through peoples garbage trying to find cocks.

289. Ricky, Julian cannot have a goddamn meth lab in this fucking park.

290. Meth?

291. He's selling piss, you fucking dumb-dumb.

292. - Piss? - Drug piss.

293. When people are on drugs and get tested, they need clean piss.

294. That's what he's selling.

295. Ricky, I know this isn't the right time, but could I get 10, 20 grams from you?

296. - Randy! - What?

297. Yeah, I could probably make that happen, Randy.

298. Ricky, you been watching the news lately?

299. Hear what's going on in Ottawa? They're going to make marijuana legal.

300. Know what that means, Ricky? Means you're out of business.

301. Yeah, I seen the news, and guess what?

302. I'm going to fucking Ottawa. And they're not going to get it legal

303. if I have anything to do with it. Fuck that.

304. Really? Yeah, you're gonna go in that, are you, Ricky?

305. Hey Rick, little bit of advice,

306. don't count your chickens before they shit, Rick.

307. Oh yeah? Little piece of advice for you. Why don't you accept the fact

308. that I'm going to be fucking growing dope in this park again?

309. Just accept it, 'cause there's nothing you can fucking do about it.

310. Stay out of my shit, boys, okay? Love you guys.

311. Nice, Randy, nice.

312. The park's spring cleanup is now on.

313. Please take all your garbage, or any shit you want to throw away.

314. Old washing machines, whatever the fuck it is.

315. Take it all to the supervisors' trailer and leave it on the front lawn.

316. Thank you, park spring cleanup.

317. What time is it, King Of The Dot? Time for some suckas to get knocked out.

318. You know what I'm saying? Hang on, one second.

319. There you go, white boy. Go the fuck on.

320. Some white boy from the park, you know what I'm? Buying dope.

321. Doin' a good business, dawg. Anyway, them motherfuckers goin' to Montreal,

322. so I don't know if they want you to roll with 'em, know what I mean?

323. But I'm gonna axe Julian for you right quick.

324. Hang on one second.

325. 5-0.

326. I'm gonna tape it for World Star Hip Hop, know what I'm saying?

327. Just in case some shit goes down, dawg, I got this evidence.

328. What's up, motherfucker? I know what's goin' on,

329. you think I know where T is 'cause I'm white?

330. Just some white boy in a cop car, dawg.

331. Anyway, I'm gonna axe Jules, I'll let you know what he says. Ah!

332. Where the fuck did the snow come from?

333. Freeze my unit off out here.

334. Hey, boys. How's she goin'? Whoa, whoa, whoa.

335. - Look at this. - Ooh, what's this?

336. That's not your chicken.

337. I don't want any fucking trouble here.

338. Ah!

339. Ah, fuck. Help me...

340. There was four of them. Cocksuckers chicken-jacked me.

341. Officer, could you grab that letter on the ground for me, please?

342. I think I'm going into shock. Thank you.

343. Cocksucker!

344. It's only a matter of time till the 5-0 smokes him out though, dawg.

345. They always search my trailer, you know what I'm saying? And he was like,

346. "Think Julian would be alright if I went to Montreal with them motherfuckers?"

347. And I was like, "I'm gonna axe."

348. What's poppin', tighty?

349. Excuse me, I'm Dr. J-Roc, you know what I'm saying?

350. I'm gonna prescribe this for your mouths.

351. - Sayin' you, boy. - Thanks, J-Roc.

352. You got the Rainmen game on your EastLink.

353. - What happened to you? - Oh, I got jumped by some shit rats.

354. I think I got a broken rib.

355. Couple scrapes and cuts. I'm alright, though.

356. You know, it's okay in here, actually. The bed's quite comfy,

357. I got a nice TV and the food's okay.

358. You got a broken rib while you was delivering chicken?

359. - Chicken and ribs? - Stop.

360. - Chicken and ribs. - J-Roc, stop it. It hurts to laugh.

361. Dawg, go to school, know what I'm saying? Upgrade.

362. Go to community college, be a veterinary assistant.

363. Work at the convenience store, dawg, but don't be slangin' chicken at your age.

364. Man that houndstooth, sweat pant, tearaway bitch...

365. No man of his age should be wearing that shit, trying to get by in life.

366. Fuck, Bubbles! What the hell happened, man?

367. Oh, I got jumped delivering chicken, fucking wasted.

368. Police report called it a drunken fight over chicken, they're not pursuing it.

369. I don't want to talk about it, Ricky.

370. We can't just let some fucking ballsucks beat you up, man.

371. That's bullshit. We gotta go find

372. - these fucking guys right now. - Shh!

373. Don't fucking shush me.

374. Here man, take this, it'll fucking help you out.

375. Any more beers around, boys?

376. Excuse me, excuse me. Ah...

377. Look, your ribs are bruised, but not broken.

378. Take these and rest up. You can go home.

379. Actually, all of you.

380. - Right now, please. - Gotta finish our drinks here, bud.

381. We're going right now, doctor. Thank you for everything.

382. - Right now. - 'Cause we're not rich enough, like you?

383. I bet I'll make more fucking money than you will this year.

384. Boys, can we just...

385. Let's all go to Julian's house, like old times,

386. and just chill out and have some drinks. What do you say?

387. I'm gonna bust to fuck home,

388. you know what I'm saying? But I'm glad you alright, man.

389. - Thanks J-Roc. - What I'm gonna tell T, dawg?

390. - Tell him I'll think about it. - Think about it quick dawg, clock's tackin'.

391. What'd Phil say?

392. He said Julian rented the Dirty Burger for a drive to Montreal.

393. He's also looking to buy used deep-freezers.

394. Yeah, well I'm not attracted to Julian anymore.

395. Huh?

396. It's not Julian we want, it's Ricky we want to track.

397. I've got an idea.

398. How much money we got in our vacation fund, bud?

399. Mr. Lahey, no.

400. Yeah, Randy, yeah.

401. My God, look at all the piss.

402. What's up with the big box of birds, Julian?

403. There my supervised test kits, Bubbs.

404. They're 80 bucks each, I get 60 bucks in profit for these fuckin' things.

405. Listen, I need to talk to you guys about something important, though.

406. What's up, man?

407. Julian, can you stop handling the wieners for one second?

408. - Want a toke? - It's important.

409. Listen, Randy dropped off this letter.

410. It's from a lawyer.

411. Apparently, my parents passed away.

412. I'm sorry, man.

413. Easy.

414. Ah... fuck, man. You okay?

415. Yeah. I know what it feels like, if you need someone to talk to.

416. It fuckin' sucks.

417. No, I'm okay. I mean, fuck, I didn't even know them, you know?

418. It's sad and everything, but I'll be alright.

419. - Boys, they left me a house. - They left you a fucking house?

420. They left me a house and a big piece of land in Kingston.

421. - Nice! - Look I got the deed right here.

422. Lawyers have been trying to track me down.

423. Look at this, this is the final notice.

424. It says if I don't claim it, they're going to take the house,

425. and the land, and all the possessions and put it up for auction.

426. Like, I need to deal with this right away.

427. Well, I can get you to fucking Kingston. Just come with me to Ottawa.

428. We'll both get high as fuck, help me tell those government dicks to fuck off,

429. and then we'll go to the house.

430. Are you going to drive all the way there in reverse, Rick?

431. I can fix my fucking transmission, Julian.

432. Just keep playing with your little cocks, okay? Don't worry about me.

433. Yes, Francis and Dillon.

434. Yes, I'm their son, Bubbles.

435. No, I will be there, I'll bring all my identification and everything.

436. But I will be there as soon as humanly possible.

437. Okay, thank you very much.

438. Bubbs, check that out.

439. Holy fuck! Decent!

440. It's a 1977 Volkswagen camper van.

441. Solid body, man.

442. New paint, no rust, man, mint condition.

443. Thanks a lot, man. Good work.

444. - You're dismissed. - Yes, sir.

445. - Hop in, man, check it out. - Wow!

446. - Fuck, this is cool. - Look at this thing.

447. All those appliances back there, they work perfectly.

448. Man, this thing is loaded.

449. - Fuck. - Wow.

450. Does this fold out into a fucking bed?

451. As soon as we're done the job in Montreal,

452. I'll take you to your mom's place in Kingston.

453. How many people are going to pay you $6,000 for two days' work,

454. and then give you a camper van on top of it, huh?

455. I'm treating this like a working vacation man.

456. Well, I guess the writing of the wall says it all.

457. I'm going to Ottawa, you guys have a safe trip.

458. Ricky, I haven't decided I'm going.

459. Well, I can pretty much tell what you're gonna fuckin' decide.

460. This thing is fucking amazing!

461. It's got its own fridge!

462. Julian! This is the piss wagon!

463. I have to go to Ottawa,

464. and I think the problem is, Julian's jealous of me,

465. because, you know, I'm doing really good with weed, and...

466. I'm going on this quest. I'm kind of clearing my head about my dad,

467. and I'm kind of doing it for my dad, and I can't let them fucking legalize this.

468. And I think Julian's jealous that I'm doing so well.

469. I've got these quests on the go that he's trying to lure Bubbles away from me.

470. "Bubbles, you can't go to Ottawa with Ricky, you can come with me to Montreal,

471. make all this money in piss, and I'll give you a free fucking camper van!"

472. That's all my stuff out of there.

473. I shouldn't be gone more than three or four days, tops.

474. Yeah, that's cool. The cats are in the house.

475. - Okay. - Where ya going, anyway?

476. I'm just going, you know... I got work to do, out of province.

477. With Julian?

478. - Yup. - Look Bubbles, be careful okay?

479. - Don't go to jail or anything. - Jail? I'm not planning on going to jail.

480. Well, nobody plans on going to jail.

481. Anyway, take care of yourself.

482. See ya.

483. Don't talk back to him, let me do the talking. Let's go.

484. - What the fuck do you guys want? - We want to talk to the man.

485. Side door, dummies.

486. Tell Grandma I said hi, or konnichiwa, or sayonara, or whatever the fuck it is.

487. You got company Cy, Lahey and Randy.

488. What the fuck do they want?

489. I got cash, Cyrus.

490. I need a favour.

491. Well I got cash too, and I don't need no favours.

492. A lot of cash, Cyrus.

493. - Frisk 'em. - You got it.

494. Back up, up against that fence, hands over your head.

495. - Fuck off... - Turn around, kiss the fence!

496. Fuck!

497. - Stand still, fuck! - Easy, Sam.

498. - Hands off the groin. - That's what I get paid for, man.

499. Fucking doing, Sam?

500. - We're clean! - Randy, what the fuck man,

501. you're making me look stupid in front of Cyrus.

502. Why didn't you call for an appointment?

503. - Okay, boss, they're clean. - Well, let them the fuck in.

504. Working for Cyrus? It's pretty fucking good, let me tell you.

505. I watched his back when we were in prison, he said he'd take care of me.

506. He works for Kraft Dinner, and that's... fairly inexpensive.

507. Not here to fuck with you, Cyrus. I want to talk business.

508. - Take a seat, Jimmy. - Thanks.

509. I hear you and Julian are getting along well.

510. - Where the fuck did you hear that? - I'm not trying to make a point,

511. I'm just trying to say that it's nice to have peace in the park.

512. - Right. - Yeah, I was...

513. I always considered you to be a very sensible and...

514. Cyrus, I'm going to level with you.

515. I was hoping you could do me a favour and I could do you a favour sometime.

516. What makes you think I would do you a favour, Jim?

517. Cyrus, I uh... I want to tell you the truth about this.

518. Doctor told me I... I had to give up drinking.

519. And I'm going to need something to help get me through,

520. - 'cause, I'm in a lot of pain, Cyrus. - Right...

521. I'm looking to buy a large quantity of good cocaine.

522. One time, safely, enough to get me by.

523. I can't drink anymore, Cyrus.

524. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about Jimmy,

525. - 'cause I don't deal in coke, never did. - Well, I heard that...

526. Fuck what you heard, Jimmy!

527. I never sold coke. Never did, never will.

528. Those are just dumb-ass stories people make up 'cause a guy's making a little bit of money.

529. Sam, pick up the bag, pack up the car and get these dummies the fuck out of here!

530. Taking a little road trip to Montreal are you?

531. Never mind where I'm going, Jimmy, get the fuck out!

532. - Sam, pick up the bag! - Get the fuck out of the way.

533. - Come on, let's go! - You fuckin' shit!

534. - Get the fuck out, Jim! - Get out of here, both of you!

535. Cyrus, if I fucking see you back in the park...

536. Get... Fuck off!

537. Fuckin' weirdos!

538. What the fuck's he want?

539. - What the fuck do you want, Sam? - Sorry about the rough stuff, boys.

540. Okay, listen, as long as we keep the boss out of it, I can get you anything you want.

541. - You wait right here, I'll be right back. - Don't you worry.

542. Randy, guess what I got.

543. I got Cyrus' map. What's this? Terry... Jules!

544. Julian's cellphone number, Randy.

545. - I thought this was about Ricky. - Trust me, it is.

546. Randy, we talked over my feelings for Julian.

547. I mean, who cares if he goes to jail?

548. Well, I'm responsible for taking the product, you know,

549. when it arrives in the big containers

550. and putting it into the little... the little test tubes.

551. You know, and eventually you're going to have to get your pee tested, so...

552. that's where Julian comes in.

553. You know, $60, $70 for some clean piss to keep your job, that's nothing.

554. Can't beat military grade, man.

555. Yeah, she's clean.

556. This is fuckin' bullshit!

557. Fuck!

558. Jacob showed up here today highly intoxicated,

559. trying to deal with his problems.

560. We gotta talk about something.

561. Is your dad cool with the seven day, $70 rental?

562. He's agreed to rent it, but he wants to know what the trip is for.

563. Tell him we're going to a convention or something.

564. What about your father's credit card and driver's license?

565. Yeah, I got 'em.

566. Now, we're probably not even going to use these, okay?

567. They're just for emergencies, okay? So don't worry about it.

568. Alright, Bubbs, give him a hand bringing in the rest of the jugs.

569. Let's get the piss, Jacob.

570. There is no more, I got caught.

571. I'm being dishonourably discharged from the military,

572. for security breaches, and collecting urine.

573. Oh no, Jacob.

574. Okay, this isn't a big deal.

575. How am I going to tell my dad?

576. You can't brag about your son when he got caught collecting piss.

577. You don't tell your dad anything, okay?

578. He needs to know nothing. Just focus on this mission.

579. This is the big leagues.

580. If you ever need a letter of recommendation, you come to me.

581. - You cool? - Yeah, it's cool.

582. Okay, you're dismissed.

583. Julian!

584. He just lost his fucking career for you and you don't even care.

585. - He knows the fucking risks. - The risks?

586. Do I know the risks? Maybe I don't know the risks.

587. Hey, we're not going to end up in jail.

588. If that's what you're worried about, it's not going to happen.

589. Oh, I'm not going to fucking jail, believe me.

590. When we get to Kingston, maybe I should just stay there.

591. You know, new house, new piece of land.

592. Maybe I'll start a fucking goat farm or something

593. and just be done with this.

594. Hey.

595. Holy fuck, look at the unicorn collection now.

596. - Yeah, I know. - I got you a new one.

597. Oh, it's awesome! Thank you! Errrrr!

598. Nice.

599. Remember that time in the bathroom at the midtown?

600. Yeah!

601. - Oh, hey, George. - What's going on here, Luce?

602. Um, Rick just popped around.

603. Just dropping off some dope and unicorns, George.

604. - Dropped by with dope and unicorns... - Yeah, I dropped by

605. with some fucking dope and unicorns there, Fucky McFuckSnapper!

606. You got a problem with that, you got a problem with me.

607. So Rick went back to jail, again, which was a deal-breaker for me, 'cause...

608. So, I was at the mall, and George was there, and he started coming over,

609. and he started staying over, and he's here more and more and more, and...

610. You know, he, uh... and I are fine, and...

611. that's what we have going now.

612. - What do you think's going on? - Well I don't know, Luce.

613. - It doesn't look very good to me here, right? - Holy fuck, you're stupid, George.

614. There's nothing going on. I'm going on a little trip.

615. I stopped by to say goodbye to Lucy and my fucking daughter.

616. If you have a problem with that, we got a problem.

617. Look, you guys broken up or what? Just tell me.

618. Or is this just some game and I'm the dumb guy?

619. I totally agree with ya. But you're gonna have to talk to Lucy

620. about how dumb you are. I gotta go.

621. See ya later, Rick.

622. George, you got something right there. What the fuck is that? Oh, there it is.

623. What the fuck?

624. Fucking Ricky!

625. Fuck!

626. - Mr. Lahey? - In here Bandy-Ran.

627. Banny, the cops won't come when we call.

628. But guess who will? Bomb squad, Randy.

629. They will act swiftly and with consequence.

630. They won't find a bomb, but guess what they will find?

631. Cocaine.

632. We follow Ricky today, we plant it and then we make the call.

633. They find this much shit powder on Ricky, he's doing ten years, Randy.

634. It's Ricky.

635. Have a good trip, boys. Good luck.

636. Cheers, man.

637. Jesús, Ricky... Here, hold that for one second.

638. What's the voltage of this?

639. Bubbs, you're asking the wrong guy here, I have no fucking idea.

640. That doesn't make any fucking sense.

641. - Hey T. What's up, man? - What's going on, Bubs? How you doin' man?

642. - Hey, T, what's going on? - What's happening, man?

643. - I guess you're on the run, are ya? - Man, I had to get

644. the hell out that halfway house, it's crazy in there, man.

645. Julian man, thanks for the ride man.

646. - I appreciate it. - No problem, no problem.

647. I'm starving, any food around? Any drinks or anything?

648. I'm starving.

649. I got some old swish here I've been drinking.

650. - I'll take it. - You can have that,

651. - I got a few gummy worms. - I'll take those too, man.

652. - You'll want those. - Thanks, Bubbs.

653. Alright, you get in the camper and you lay low, man.

654. I gotta love T, he my boy from back in the day.

655. Got love for them three motherfuckers. Googley-eyeing bitches and drinking and shit.

656. But at the same time, I got madder love for Sarah.

657. She's right in front of my eyes all these years, you know what I'm saying?

658. They want me to come, I'm like, "Fuck outta here, man."

659. You hired him? The cops are looking for him.

660. Bubbs I didn't hire him, I'm dropping him off in Moncton.

661. It's dangerous.

662. Listen, he's a friend, he needs to get out of town.

663. That's fuckin' dangerous. I don't want to be in that situation.

664. He's driving with me, you're driving with Jacob.

665. Don't worry about it.

666. Okay, let's go get the Dirty Burger and load up the freezers.

667. Where the fuck is Jacob?

668. Fuck, there's Phil, Julian, and he's standing guard.

669. Jacob, back to the house.

670. Hey, Phil.

671. Fuck off, Julian, there's no way you're using the Dirty Burger.

672. - What? - Get the fuck out of here!

673. - You go... get... Clear off! - What's he talking about?

674. He knows everything Julian, I'm sorry.

675. Jacob, why did you tell him?

676. - Get in the house, Jacob. - Jacob, get the fuck out here.

677. Julian is the kingpin con of course, and...

678. and, um, Jacob's always looked up to Julian,

679. and... always had a hero crush type thing on him, for fuck's sake.

680. It's tough for a dad to compete with sometimes.

681. He had a career in the military and you went and fucked it up, you bastard.

682. Listen, I'm taking the Dirty Burger, we had a deal.

683. And your son's coming with me.

684. You never mentioned nothing about driving piss to Montreal

685. - in a food truck, now fuck off! - Go get Jacob please.

686. T, start up the Dirty Burger. Listen, we had a deal.

687. I already fucking paid you, okay?

688. - Don't fucking resist, Jacob. - I'm not allowed!

689. You're fuckin' coming with us!

690. Julian, he's a lot fucking stronger than he looks!

691. - Bubbs, get him out of here! - I'm not finished with you yet.

692. - You son of a bitch. - Wrap that fucking hose around him.

693. You goddamn bastards.

694. - Shut the fuck up, man. - You fucking bastards.

695. - Phil, don't make me fuckin' hammer you. - You want it? 'Cause you can get it, man.

696. - Stay in the goddamn house, son! - Jacob, get the fuck over here!

697. T, give me a hand here, drag this big bastard up the street.

698. - Fuckin' sons of whores! - Oh, fuck, quit complaining.

699. - Goddamn it! - Phil, just fucking relax.

700. Ah...

701. Jesús Christ!

702. - God, I fucking hate dealing with him. - You prick!

703. But the bastards overwhelmed me and before I know it they were fucking gone.

704. Come back here, you bastards!

705. Fucking thing!

706. Keep that on channel 4.

707. By myself? I don't want to drive by myself. What if I fall asleep?

708. Bubbs, what do you want me to do here?

709. Well, maybe I should go ask Ricky if he'll come.

710. - I'll ask him one more time. - We don't need Ricky.

711. No, we don't need him, I realize that,

712. but I'd like to have him there as my friend. This isn't all about you.

713. Ricky is our friend, don't forget.

714. They're pulling on me like I'm a goddamn wishbone.

715. That's what I feel like. I feel like...

716. you know, they're just pulling on me and I'm going to snap, eventually.

717. I'm hitcheling to Ottawa, fuck it.

718. It's no big deal. Somebody will fucking drive me.

719. Thing is, I've got to go, 'cause if they make this legal...

720. big business is going to swoop in and make millions of dollars.

721. Government will tax the cock off that.

722. What about guys like me that have been growing for years?

723. Providing great dope to people. Helping people out, going to jail...

724. To add assault to injury we get fucked out of ever growing again.

725. Ricky, what are you doing? You're not hitchhiking, are you?

726. - That's greasy. - I got no other fucking choice.

727. - Why don't you let me drive you? - Where's Jacob?

728. He's not coming now, it was a big shit show with Phil Collins.

729. I'm in here by myself. At least let me drive you up to the highway.

730. I'm not fucking working for Julian.

731. Ricky, you wouldn't be, you'd just be keeping me company.

732. Come on, let's go.

733. We can stop at the gas station, we'll get some microwave twisters.

734. Microwave twisters...!

735. Ricky's getting in the van.

736. - Got your cellphone, bud? - Yup, right here.

737. Living the fuckin' dream, Afghanerandy.

738. And we're off!

739. Good drink, Randy.

740. Cocksucker looks like she's running a little hot.

741. - Oh yeah? - Yeah...

742. Looks alright.

743. Dirty Dancer, this is Tumbleweed, what's your 20? Come on back.

744. - Tumbleweed to the Dirty Dancer? - CB handles Ricky,

745. - we need to use discretion. - Cool.

746. You there, Bubbs?

747. It's Tumbleweed. Go ahead. Over.

748. Ricky wouldn't happen to be with you, would he?

749. No, no, no, no, no...

750. Uh, that is a negative, Dirty Dancer, over.

751. Man, what a dummy. They're gonna arrest him

752. and he's gonna make a fucking fool of himself.

753. Oh well fuck him, you know, but what's that? 12 grand split two ways, that's even better.

754. Ah, let's just stay off the radios now, Dirty Dancer.

755. Let's just keep it for emergencies only. Over.

756. Copy that, bud. I'm hungry.

757. We'll get something to eat in Moncton in an hour or so, you cool?

758. Copy that, let's go hammer down double nickels.

759. Watch out for Moncton city kitties. Over.

760. What?

761. CB talk. Go fast and watch out for Moncton city cops.

762. Do you think I'm going to make a fool of myself?

763. Ricky, I think you just do whatever you're gonna do.

764. You'll be alright. I'm just glad you're here. Who's got your belly?

765. - How ya doing, bud? - I'm tired.

766. Tired? Randy, come on now, have a little fun.

767. - I wish we could just go home. - Of course you do,

768. 'cause you're just a big baby. Have a little drink, Randy.

769. - I don't want a drink. - Randy, have a little. Come on, man.

770. I don't want to party alone. Don't get too close, don't get too close...

771. Thanks Bubbs. It's gonna be fun, man. I got a ton of joints rolled.

772. Four cocks of pepperoni. You want a cock?

773. Yeah, break me off half a cock, Ricky.

774. - Here, Bubbs. - Thanks.

775. At least we're doing something with our lives.

776. - Not selling fucking piss. - Yeah.

777. I just feel like I have to do this. I got to try to change the world.

778. It's bullshit, what the government's doing.

779. Fucking legalize it, now of all times.

780. They're gonna hire about 10,000 fucking people,

781. but they won't hire me, 'cause I've been in jail

782. for growing fucking dope! How fucked is that?

783. - It's a hard cock to suck Ricky. - Fucking government.

784. Hard cock to suck.

785. - Ah! - I can't believe you spent

786. - $9,800 of our vacation money on coke. - Randy...

787. It's worth thrice that much money to get rid of the...

788. fucking Three Shitkateers, bud.

789. You must be pumped to see this fucking house.

790. Oh, I'm fucking very excited, Ricky, you have no idea.

791. I mean this could be a fucking... This is a life-changer!

792. I could own a mansion! I don't even know!

793. Cool if it had, like, a skating rink or something too, to play hockey.

794. Well, I doubt it's going to have that, but I mean, it could.

795. - Or a barn with a rink in it or something. - Yeah.

796. What the fuck is going on up there?

797. Fuck, I hope nobody got hurt, Ricky.

798. It's got to be a fucking accident or something.

799. I don't like being around all these cops, Bubbs, with this weed.

800. I know Ricky, I know. Just don't act suspicious.

801. How's it going, officer? I got 3 pounds of weed on me.

802. It fucking stinks.

803. That looks like the goddamn Dirty Burger.

804. Fuck, it is, Ricky. Jesús, the fireman slipped in the pee.

805. - Oh my God! - There's T. They got him, Ricky.

806. Bubbles to Julian, come in. What the fuck happened?

807. - Where is he? - I don't know!

808. Julian, what's going on? Are you okay?

809. Bubbles to Julian, come in.

810. Oh my God!

811. Is that him? Is that him up there, Ricky?

812. Keep going, Bubbles, pretend you don't see him.

813. Ricky, fuck off!

814. I am not going to fucking jail! We don't have room for him, anyway!

815. Ricky, we're pulling over and getting him! He's our friend!

816. We're stopping.

817. - Are ya alright? - You're spilling piss everywhere!

818. Fire started in the batteries. By the time I got pulled over,

819. the entire Dirty Bird goes up in fucking flames.

820. I grabbed as much piss as I could and I fucking ran.

821. T, he got fucking busted!

822. - I know, we saw him. - Good man, lost to the piss game.

823. Boys, I'm not going to fucking jail over piss.

824. - Let's make that clear. - No kidding,

825. we gotta get the fuck out of here. Go, Bubbles! Let's go!

826. How much product did you lose, Julian?

827. Well, I've got about 400 units here, so we lost a lot of good piss.

828. Oh my fuck. So... like what, we're down to 3 grand each?

829. Something like that?

830. Yeah, unless dicky-nuts wants to get involved there.

831. You do smell like piss, Julian.

832. We probably should try to find a truck-stop shower or something.

833. Next thing you know, you'll be probably selling shit for some reason.

834. Ricky!

835. A lot of people don't know how to drink.

836. They drink against the grain of the liquor.

837. And when you drink against the grain of the liquor... you lose.

838. What the fuck are you talking about?

839. I wonder if there'd be a dump in heaven.

840. A dump?

841. Well, a place in heaven where they throw everything they don't need.

842. Yeah, Ricky, there'd be a dump in heaven.

843. I bet that's where the old man's hanging out.

844. Yeah, I betcha he his, Ricky. I betcha he's up there...

845. drinking liquor and listening to fucking truckin' music.

846. I still can't fucking believe he's gone.

847. Holy fuck, you smell like weed.

848. Ha, I should. I got 3 pounds I'm taking to Ottawa.

849. You've got 3 pounds of weed in this van?

850. No, it's not in the van, calm down, it's in my coats. Sewed right in.

851. Ah... Ricky, we weren't doing anything illegal. Now we are.

852. - Thanks a lot! - Mr. Paraloid.

853. Yeah, he should be paraloid. I'm fucking... nervous myself.

854. That's a lot of dope, we could go to jail. I'm getting nervous here.

855. Sheesh, Rand. Stinkin', bud.

856. You know why I'm stinkin'? 'Cause I haven't showered.

857. I'm fucking starving. I need to eat, too.

858. Patience Randolph. We got a job to do first.

859. I need to get high.

860. We're in Moncton, there's dope here. Let's get some hash.

861. - You need to get high do ya? - Yeah.

862. Well, stick your nose in some of this shitpowder and shut the fuck up.

863. I don't do coke.

864. There's no smell.

865. You know, drugs aren't dangerous, Randy. People are dangerous.

866. The more powerful the drug, the more jail time.

867. There's nothing to be afraid of, Randy. Look, I'll show you.

868. No!

869. Ha... Randy, I didn't really do it. I was just kidding, bud.

870. Julian! Skin mags!

871. Light, Randy.

872. Tape.

873. Do you want some ice cream and shit?

874. Yeah, let's... What do they got for ice cream?

875. Wire.

876. Fuck!

877. Thanks, Randy.

878. It's on there good.

879. You're clear, Mr. Lahey. They're at the counter.

880. Andale, Randy!

881. We did it, bud.

882. Alright, I'm going to try and get some sleep.

883. - Okay. - Just wake me up when we get to Montreal.

884. - Alright. - You good, buddy?

885. - Yup. - Okay man, goodnight.

886. - Goodnight. - Keep 'er on the road.

887. Oh, I will.

888. Boys?

889. Boys, holy fuck! Cops!

890. Holy fuck, he went right by.

891. Oh my God.

892. What the fuck am I doing here?

893. Randy, no more farting in the car.

894. Oh, God...

895. Julian... Here's the turnoff to Montreal!

896. Just keep going? Okay.

897. Whatever you say.

898. Oh, there...

899. Look.

900. They went right by Montreal.

901. They must be going to the property in Kingston.

902. - How ya feeling? - I'm kind of tired.

903. Me too. Feeling a little sluggish.

904. Think I need a... snap of the white liquor.

905. What do you think?

906. I thought it was all under the fucking camper.

907. - Ah! Wanna try a little? - No!

908. It'll keep you awake!

909. We're going to take our time.

910. Wait for the right moment.

911. And then we're gonna call it in and we got 'em.

912. Ah!

913. Holy fuck.

914. Bubbs, we're not in Montreal.

915. - I... think we're almost there... - Almost there? Where the fuck are we?

916. - We should have been there a long time ago! - Just go back to sleep, Julian.

917. Kingston, 200 km? What the fuck?

918. Pull over!

919. What the fuck were you doing?

920. What's wrong?

921. - Bubbs... what's wrong? - My property...

922. It's fucking important to me and I need my friends there with me.

923. I want to do this before we end up going fucking you know where.

924. - Where? - To jail.

925. - We're not going to go to jail. - Oh yeah? Can you look me in the eye

926. and fucking promise me we're not going to jail, Julian?

927. Bubbs...

928. Look me in the eyes!

929. Can't do it. Look at them shifting around.

930. You know what, Julian?

931. You fucking do whatever you want, I'll do it by myself.

932. - Oh come on, Bubbs! - You're gonna let him do this?

933. Call your little piss buddies and tell them you're gonna be late.

934. Rick, they're expecting me in one hour,

935. and the quality and the freshness of the piss is important to these guys.

936. - Quality of the piss... - What's it going to be?

937. That frozen piss, and those cocks, or your friends?

938. Is your piss going to be there for you?

939. Bubbs, that's ridiculous.

940. Is your piss gonna make you chicken soup the next time you're sick?

941. Does your piss and your cocks roll you joints, get drunk with you,

942. and pass out on your fucking couch, or your patio?

943. Rick, that doesn't even fucking make sense.

944. You know what?

945. Go to Montreal! Take your piss and go!

946. Fuck's sakes.

947. Ricky.

948. Did I see what I think I just saw?

949. I don't know, what'd you see?

950. Lahey and Randy are following us.

951. Nah Bubbs, you just need some sleep, man.

952. I'm not fucking losing it, it was Lahey and Randy.

953. I'm telling you, they're following us.

954. I'm freaking out!

955. Bubbles...

956. You get in the back and rest up, let me drive.

957. - What? - I'm in, Julian.

958. - Yes! - If I'm driving, I want my cut,

959. - and we go right to Ottawa afterwards. - Whatever you want, buddy.

960. Thanks, Ricky.

961. - Thanks, buddy. - I'm doing this for Bubbles.

962. And if we get caught, our names stay out of this, me and Bubbles.

963. Hey man, nobody has to know about this.

964. - Get some rest, buddy. - Alright, Ricky.

965. I can't fucking believe I'm doing this.

966. It's going to be fun, man. Don't worry about it.

967. Randy, pretty soon, they're going to pull over at Bubbles' mother's place.

968. If we get an opportunity, I'm going to go and check the coke.

969. What if once Bubbles gets his house, he never comes home?

970. What if that's it, we never see him again?

971. - That might happen. - I know.

972. - Alright? - And up in here,

973. I think that's probably a good thing, but...

974. you know, in my heart, I just... I don't know, man...

975. I think I'm going to miss him too much. I love him.

976. I love him, too.

977. Look for a turn and it says there's a sign. You can't miss it.

978. There's a sign before the turn or after the turn?

979. No, it says there's a turn, and then...

980. it says a little jaunt and then there's a sign and you can't miss it.

981. This says it's right here, where we are. I can tell by the map.

982. This is it boys, this is the place.

983. Is it ever quiet out here, though. Just listen boys, just listen for a second.

984. What is it?

985. It's nothing, Ricky. That's what I mean, it's very... peaceful.

986. Well, you don't have any neighbours out here, Bubbs.

987. Nope, big water lake...

988. What the fuck is that?

989. There's a power hookup, Bubbs!

990. - Well, have a drink. Loosen up, bud. - I don't want a drink.

991. Randy, this is an adventure.

992. Bubbles! Fucking pickled eggs.

993. - No way! Are they still good? - I don't know.

994. They look good.

995. Ah, they're fucking delicious.

996. Listen!

997. What's that?

998. Oh my fuck, dogs. Dirty, fucking greasy dogs.

999. It can't be no dogs.

1000. Oh my fuck, there's a pack of wild fucking dogs!

1001. Those aren't dogs, they're foxes.

1002. What the fuck do you guys want? Huh? What the fuck do you want?

1003. Let's go, get the fuck out of here.

1004. Hey, Blackie, get the fuck out of here. Let's go.

1005. Yeah, they're all there, Randy.

1006. - Look at that. - What are you doing?

1007. - You can't dip into that! - I'm just checking it, Randy,

1008. to make sure it's okay.

1009. Let's go, dummies. Let's go.

1010. Don't fucking bark at me, dummy!

1011. - Get the fuck going. - Fuck, good job Ricky.

1012. - He chased them away, Julian. - Fucking idiots.

1013. We're gonna get caught Mr. Lahey! Mr. Lahey, there's fuckin' dogs.

1014. I'm putting it back, Randy.

1015. Hey! Call the dogs off!

1016. Check this out, Bubbles.

1017. Look at these old pictures.

1018. Oh my God.

1019. Ha! Look boys, there's us.

1020. I remember that day.

1021. It's right around when you started drinking, Julian.

1022. There's the first fucking bikes we stole.

1023. First bikes you stole, Ricky. You stole all three of those bikes, 'member?

1024. Oh fuck, I miss that old hockey stick.

1025. How many fucking goals did I score with that?

1026. This is my...

1027. My God, there's my parents, boys.

1028. I forgot how hot your mom was. Wow.

1029. - Ricky! - I mean... You know what I mean.

1030. Like, just... she's a fucking good looking woman.

1031. Your dad looks like he's fucking wasted.

1032. The entire frame's rusted to fuck.

1033. That's too bad, man. I mean, it's a heap of shit.

1034. Paint's fucked. It's gonna start leaking, fuckin' windows.

1035. Ricky! You live in a fucking car that's missing a door.

1036. I know.

1037. Well, pack up whatever you want to keep and let's get the fuck out of here, Bubbs.

1038. Yeah, we gotta head to Montreal, bud.

1039. Well, boys, I was thinking... maybe I'm just going to stay.

1040. You know? Maybe this is where I'm meant to be, boys.

1041. I got a beautiful home here, now. I got lake frontage.

1042. Yeah, well lake frontage, that causes mould and bugs.

1043. You can't fucking live in this.

1044. I think... I think I'm gonna stay.

1045. He's not really going to stay here in this, is he?

1046. Rick, this is something he's gotta figure out on his own.

1047. Oh, come on boys, just...

1048. I always hate the part in The Littlest Hobo when he's not leaving.

1049. You know?

1050. Just go.

1051. See ya, Bubbs.

1052. Hey, Bubbs?

1053. I love ya, buddy.

1054. I didn't think he was actually gonna stay.

1055. I can't do this.

1056. What the fuck am I doing? I can't do this.

1057. Boys, wait for me, I'm not fuckin' stayin' here by myself!

1058. Son of a whore!

1059. Get the fuck goin'!

1060. Fuck off!

1061. - Get! - Get going!

1062. Okay, Bubbs, are you sure you want to do this?

1063. Leave all that behind?

1064. - You know what, Julian? - What?

1065. Switch me seats.

1066. - What? - Switch seats, you get up front.

1067. There, boys, this is the way it's supposed to be.

1068. Now I feel at home.

1069. And you're the leader, Julian. Right, Ricky?

1070. - Yeah, man. - Thanks, man.

1071. Alright, boys, let's fucking do this. Let's go sell this pee, 2 grand each.

1072. Yeah, we're back on track now. Just a little bit of a family emergency.

1073. Okay... yup... alright... okay, we'll see you soon. I promise.

1074. Okay, thank you. Bye-bye.

1075. - Just a little pissed off, but they're cool. - Nice.

1076. Yeah... Boys, you know what I think I'm gonna do?

1077. I'm gonna build a brand new fucking shed with my piss money.

1078. I'm really hungry, if you can stop for some food.

1079. We don't have fucking time for a drive-through, Rand.

1080. We just ate a couple hours ago.

1081. I'm starving. I can't believe you drove past the friggin' King.

1082. Fuck the King.

1083. Randy, there was another bag of white liquor. What'd you do with it, bud?

1084. - No, there wasn't. - Randy, give it to me.

1085. There is white liquor, but you're not fucking getting it.

1086. - Aw, fuck! - Randy!

1087. - That's it. - What are you doing?

1088. Randy! Randy! For fuck's sakes, Randy!

1089. It's gone!

1090. Jesús Christ! Are you that dependent on this shit?

1091. If you are, I got some on my underwear! We can stop and you can sniff it out!

1092. Excuse me, little lady.

1093. Sorry, I need this. It's an emergency.

1094. Please go away.

1095. Come on, Sassa-Ran, hurry.

1096. Frig off!

1097. This is not what it looks like.

1098. Fuck, for fuck's sakes.

1099. 133 is right here, right here. Park.

1100. This looks like a busy fucking place to be doing a piss deal, isn't it, Julian?

1101. It's where you do big deals like this, Ricky. Right in the open.

1102. - That's crazy. - Alright guys, here.

1103. This is Phil's credit card and ID. I want you to take it into the strip club,

1104. buy whatever the fuck you want. You deserve it.

1105. Shouldn't we be covering you, Julian?

1106. Bubbs, it's just one guy, alright?

1107. Three of us are standing out here, it might spook him.

1108. Julian?

1109. - No, I'm good. - Come on.

1110. Bubbs, I'm good.

1111. Let's go, Ricky. Let's go look at some ladies.

1112. - Alright. - French ladies.

1113. Man, you need this more than anybody.

1114. Get your head together, okay?

1115. I'm fucking proud of you, Julian. You actually pulled this off.

1116. Thanks, man.

1117. Bonjour, je m'appele Bubbles.

1118. There's Julian. He's smoking a joint. Fuck.

1119. This is fucking awesome, Bubbs.

1120. So, what do you do?

1121. Well, I'm into all kinds of different things. I, uh...

1122. They're talking about legalizing marijuana, so...

1123. If they do, I'm going to be the guy in charge of all the marijuana for Canadá.

1124. It's pretty cool. I work for the government, actually.

1125. I am the, uh...

1126. administrator at the... San Diego Zoo.

1127. I've got a big staff.

1128. I personally look after all the Bengal tigers,

1129. - and the little Bengal tiger kitties. - Awww.

1130. Would you guys get the fuck out of here?

1131. Holy shit, that's Terry and Dennis.

1132. Hey, man.

1133. What the fuck are you guys doing in Montreal?

1134. - We're starting things up for Cyrus. - Cyrus?

1135. Where the fuck is Cyrus?

1136. - Why are you guys acting so fucking weird? - You're acting weird.

1137. I'm not acting weird.

1138. Enough with the weird. Let's see the product, Julian.

1139. You guys want some fucking weed?

1140. Pounds of it where this came from.

1141. Ricky, can the girls just have as much weed as they want?

1142. Does something smell like pee in here to you?

1143. Uh...

1144. I smell weed. I don't smell pee, though.

1145. I've got 460 units of Canadá's finest right here, gentlemen.

1146. Military-base collected. Look at that.

1147. Julian, we're going to need your help getting this stuff on the truck.

1148. Grandma's waiting.

1149. I get the money first, then you get the piss.

1150. He's got his gun out.

1151. I don't give a fuck how they do it in Montreal, this is how I do it.

1152. - I want the money first... - Get the fuck out here, disco.

1153. You gotta be fucking kidding me.

1154. I can't believe you're robbing me. I thought we were good.

1155. I thought you wanted to be my fucking friend.

1156. We're not friends, we're fucking business partners, remember?

1157. And we're not fucking good.

1158. You just fuck off right now and load the piss in the truck.

1159. And if you ever come back to the trailer park,

1160. you better change your address to Smith and Wesson.

1161. That doesn't even make any fucking sense.

1162. This doesn't make any sense.

1163. Believe me, I'm going to be waiting for you back at the fucking trailer park.

1164. Don't hit me with your girly threats, man,

1165. 'cause I'll be waiting right here in Montreal if you ever come looking for me.

1166. You know why? 'Cause I made it big. I made it fucking big, disco.

1167. I'm in the piss game now.

1168. Jesús Christ, just take my fucking piss, alright, and leave me alone.

1169. - How ya doing? - Hi, Julian.

1170. Hey, your grandsons are robbing me.

1171. Yeah, you don't understand what I'm saying.

1172. - Alright, it's good to see you. - Nice to...

1173. Okay, I'm alright.

1174. He looks pissed.

1175. Double dynamite, Sasserbandy.

1176. Looks like Cyrus just got Julian good.

1177. You know the nice thing about assholes? Someone always comes along to wipe 'em up.

1178. He's going in the club.

1179. Now. We make the call now, Randy.

1180. - Shit, no service. - Ugh, for fuck's sakes!

1181. Hello, I'd like to report a disturbance.

1182. There are suspicious men standing out front of the Club Violetta.

1183. Yeah, they're by an orange VW 70's camper van

1184. and they're talking about a bomb that's located underneath it.

1185. - Juliaaaan! - Julian!

1186. Can you excuse me for a second?

1187. Julian, what are you doing, shuffling the ladies away?

1188. - Boys, I just got fucking robbed. - Robbed? The fuck are you talking about?

1189. - They pulled guns out on me. - Who the fuck would rob piss?

1190. - Cyrus. - What?

1191. Boys are in for a little Montreal surprise.

1192. Ah, c'est juste de la cocaine.

1193. C'est juste de la cocaine.

1194. C'est rentré a lovertime, les boys!

1195. There's been a complaint against you guys, okay?

1196. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Maybe you have some money to pay your bills?

1197. Chill out, there, muscular fucking Simon and Garfunkel.

1198. Bubbs...

1199. There's 75 bucks, I've got more money in the car.

1200. Is that cool? Can I go get it?

1201. Okay.

1202. - Fucking bullshit, Julian. - Big fuck up, Julian.

1203. Meet me out front in two fucking minutes.

1204. Ricky, what are we gonna do? We just... That's fucking...

1205. - That's bullshit. - You should be working for me, Bubbs.

1206. Every time we work for Julian...

1207. - Ricky! - What?

1208. - Look up. - Ah, fuck.

1209. Son of a whore, we're on camera.

1210. It's alright, we're not fucking gonna be on there for long, though, are we?

1211. - Ricky, Ricky... - Fuck off!

1212. - Let's get a fuckin' donair, boys! - Ricky...

1213. What?

1214. Get out of your vehicle! Get out of your vehicle!

1215. - What's going on? - You're under arrest.

1216. - What is this? You're drinking and driving? - What?

1217. - We found cocaine in your vehicle. - Cocaine?

1218. We found cocaine in your vehicle.

1219. What the fuck is this guy doing by my van? Get this drunk away from my van.

1220. - Who are you? - Oh, just getting off work.

1221. I thought that was my van, but it's not.

1222. - Alright, move along then. Move along. - Yes, sir.

1223. Officer, what are you talking about?

1224. - We found cocaine in your vehicle. - Cocaine?

1225. - Yeah. - I don't know how cocaine got in my van!

1226. - You know what? I was set up. - Really?

1227. - Either by a guy named Cyrus. - Uh-huh...

1228. Or a drunk trailer-park supervisor that's in love with me.

1229. Shit's stinkin' now, bud.

1230. - What... - So I suppose these aren't yours either?

1231. No, the cocks are mine. The cocaine isn't.

1232. - Can we go home, now? - Sure, Julian.

1233. - You just called me Julian. - No, I didn't call you Julian.

1234. The bouncer just gave this to my colleague. Is your name Philadelphia Collins?

1235. - Yeah, my name's Phil Collins. - Well, Mr. Phil Collins,

1236. you're under arrest for possession of cocaine with intent to traffic,

1237. and drinking and driving.

1238. Fuck!

1239. We didn't get Ricky. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Rand.

1240. - Bubbles took off over there. - Where?

1241. Hey, Bubbles!

1242. How ya doin', bud? Where's Ricky?

1243. Sorry this shit went down the pipe the way it did, bud.

1244. Bubbles, you want a lift?

1245. How about a drink?

1246. Randy... Randy, hop out and get the man a drink.

1247. What'll ya have, bud?

1248. Good think we found you, Bubbs. We'll get you out of this weather.

1249. - Rum? - Double rum and coke, Randy, please.

1250. Nice shoes, Randy.

1251. - Thanks, Bubbles. Lime? - No fucking lime!

1252. There you go, Bubbs.

1253. Actually, maybe I'll have a beer. You guys got any beer?

1254. Grab the man a beer.

1255. Huh! Thanks, bud.

1256. - You dirty, drunk bastard. - You fuckin' goofball!

1257. Come on Randy. Don't fight me, Randy.

1258. Don't fight me.

1259. - What are you doing, Bubbles? - Get down, Randy.

1260. - Bubbles! - Fucking bottle fight?

1261. You got no way out, Bubbles! You're not going anywhere.

1262. Give it up.

1263. Fuck you, Lahey!

1264. Here comes the Captain!

1265. Randy! You okay, bud?

1266. Ya missed me, Lahey, ya fuckin' dickweed!

1267. Talk to me, bud!

1268. Fuck you, Lahey!

1269. Hey Bubbs, seen the new 2-litre bottles?

1270. Fuck you!

1271. Drunk bastard!

1272. What are you doing, Bubbles?

1273. Bubbles! Bubbles! Shit...

1274. Randy!

1275. Jesús Christ, Ricky!

1276. Ricky! Ricky!

1277. Oh my God. Wake up, come on. Where's your shoe?

1278. - Here, get in. - What the fuck are you doing

1279. - with Lahey's car man? - I bottle-fought him for it.

1280. What the fuck do the cops want with Julian?

1281. Lahey framed Julian, Ricky. Julian took the wrap for us.

1282. 'Morning, Ricky.

1283. Where the fuck is the camper?

1284. They fucking impounded it.

1285. Where the fuck are we?

1286. We're in Ottawa, Ricky.

1287. Fuck yes, Bubbles! Is that Parmelent Hill?

1288. We're in time.

1289. Pull this fucking thing over, man. Let's do this.

1290. - Just a second, I gotta fucking... - Jesús Christ, there's Mounties everywhere.

1291. Check this fucking thing out.

1292. Ah, that's decent, Ricky.

1293. - Fucking medallion. - That's decent.

1294. Here, hop up there, I built you a new shoe.

1295. - Wicked! - Try that on for size.

1296. - It's great. - Perfect fit, Weederella.

1297. Start introducing the speakers. We've got a lot

1298. of amazing speakers here today because this is about using our vote

1299. to change the way our country is run, right?

1300. Holy fuck, look at all the people here!

1301. Ricky, we're not going to get into this hearing.

1302. Not a problem, Bubbles. I'll get us into this fucking hearing.

1303. Attention friends, this is some of the best dope you will ever smoke.

1304. It's 10 ounces. I will give this to anybody

1305. that gives their place to me and this guy in line.

1306. Seriously? Nobody wants to go home, get high as fuck and watch this on TV

1307. instead of being here?

1308. Just a second Bubbs, I can't do this.

1309. - I gotta smoke another joint. - Ricky...

1310. Ricky, what are you doing?

1311. Ricky, hurry up, hurry up.

1312. The cops are right there.

1313. Hi, there.

1314. Alright man, let's do this.

1315. We need to bring that money into the legitimate economy,

1316. take it away from gangs and organized crime,

1317. let people operate openly and transparently

1318. so they can pay their taxes and contribute to society.

1319. Thank you, Ms. Emery. Now, before we move on...

1320. perhaps it's time for some comment from the floor.

1321. There's a gentleman from Vancouver. Sir?

1322. Yeah, yeah. Actually, can you just sit back down, if you don't mind?

1323. I got something to say, it's really important.

1324. I'd like to go first, if that's okay, everybody.

1325. It's a bit of an emergency. I don't know how much time I have.

1326. - No objection? - No.

1327. Go ahead.

1328. Well, thank you, all the peoples that are here.

1329. I myself am a farmer. I grow dope.

1330. This is what I grow right here, the best fucking weed in Canadá.

1331. I'm just going to pass some out, you guys can have a smell and...

1332. taste if you want.

1333. Just get the fuck out of the way, thank you.

1334. Here guys, smell it.

1335. It's just a plant. A plant that grows by other nature on this planet

1336. and makes the world a better fucking place.

1337. Yeah!

1338. Hand it out, Ricky!

1339. - Order, we're going to have order in here. - Have some.

1340. That's my friend. That's my friend Ricky.

1341. Point of order.

1342. I thought that's why we're here, guys, to talk about fucking dope, okay?

1343. So let's just spin some of that up, pass it around,

1344. - and see what the fuck happens. - Is that why you came here?

1345. You hoping to go to jail?

1346. - What's that? - You're hoping you'll be

1347. hauled off to jail, is that it?

1348. I'm sick of fucking being arrested,

1349. 'cause your goddamn stupid laws right now. I've been to jail 17 or 18 times

1350. 'cause of your fucked up laws. That's the problem.

1351. How the fuck can I be under arrest for bringing my dope here, that I grew,

1352. and then in two days, or whenever the fuck it is, you legalize it?

1353. What are you going to do? Unarrest me? How can I be under arrest for bringing dope

1354. to a government talking that's about dope?

1355. It's a gift, anyway. I'm fucking giving it to you, it's free.

1356. - Are you trying to demonstrate something? - Take it easy there, Bobby Barker,

1357. this isn't the fucking Price is Right, okay?

1358. You're not running the fucking show right now, I am.

1359. You know what else is bullshit?

1360. You can't smoke a joint, but you can get drunk as fuck on liquor,

1361. smoke cigarettes and shit yourself to death, no problem.

1362. You guys can all shut the fuck up.

1363. We know that cigarettes will kill you. How fucked is that, guys?

1364. You got no problem with that? You guys can't get involved with dope.

1365. You're going to fuck it up. You fuck everything up with taxes.

1366. I've never charged tax on my fucking dope when I sell it.

1367. That's fucked right there.

1368. That's right! Cigarettes are fucking bullshit!

1369. Sit down, sir.

1370. Fuck off, dick chin.

1371. Fucking be nice to him. That's my friend, Bubbles.

1372. - Are you trying to be in charge? - You're not in charge.

1373. I'm not trying to be in charge...

1374. Are you capable of making a logical argument?

1375. I don't even know what that means.

1376. I think you just answered my question.

1377. I'm a weed grower. That's why I'm fucking here, for my rights.

1378. My dad recently passed away and I'm here for this fucking cause,

1379. and you should be listening to me. Weed is a medicine.

1380. It fucking always has been, it helps people.

1381. We should be researching the thernapeutic qualities,

1382. not fucking trying to throw good people in jail like me.

1383. Here, here!

1384. That's fucked up, man,

1385. because of fucking Santa Clause here. That's bullshit.

1386. Ricky! Ricky! Ricky!

1387. I'm suing the Canadian government for 11 years radioactive lost fucking wages

1388. and a 25-year medical marijuana license.

1389. Sir, this is not a court, this is a public hearing.

1390. Well, I can't fucking afford a court.

1391. So I'm going to make this my fucking court, if that's okay with everybody.

1392. Is that cool?

1393. Yes! Court is in session! Let's hear it for Ricky!

1394. You definitely smoke dope.

1395. Christmas dinner, turkey dinner, I guaran-fucking-tee it.

1396. You fuckin' smoke dope, don't ya? You guys can't decriminalize it, okay?

1397. If you do, you got to decriminalize me and my past.

1398. Don't legalize it! Please, don't fucking legalize it! You can't!

1399. It's not fucking fair! Fucking hippoclits! Yeah, you're gonna keep that weed aren't you?

1400. I bet you're gonna fucking smoke it at lunch time!

1401. - Fucking hippoclits! - Alright, we'll take a break now.

1402. Oh, ugh... Let's find the car, Rand.

1403. Agh...

1404. Can't we just get some cheap flights and fly home?

1405. Can a car fly home, Randy?

1406. Hey, Ricky, you were great in there.

1407. Listen, I'm a lawyer, okay? Here's my card.

1408. I think I can't get that political arrest thrown out in court in, like, a week,

1409. and I can probably get you a medical marijuana license, alright?

1410. Keep in touch! Rockstar case!

1411. - I can help you, alright? - Fucking awesome.

1412. Fuck off, Randy.

1413. How ya doin', bud?

1414. Randy!

1415. You were fucking awesome in there, Ricky.

1416. Thanks. I think the old man would have been proud of me.

1417. Fucking right, he woulda been. That was amazing.

1418. Take it easy. Fuck.

1419. Well, look who's going to jail. Over six plants is a year, Ricky.

1420. Back off!

1421. - Give me my fucking car keys, Bubbles. - I don't have your fucking car keys.

1422. - Get him, Randy. - Give us the keys.

1423. Fuck off!

1424. I got 'em.

1425. - Back off. - What's that?

1426. Look who's wearing the shit shoes now, Ricky.

1427. Fuck this! Mr. Lahey planted the coke on Julian.

1428. I'll testify to that, Bubbles. Let me go.

1429. Put the fucking Taser down, Lahey.

1430. You love Randy. Don't electrocute him in his belly.

1431. You're next, Bubbles.

1432. Now, I'm gonna fuck ya.

1433. - What the fuck, bud? Yeah... - I got this, Bubbles.

1434. Let's go! I've been waiting to fight you my whole fucking life, Lahey.

1435. Punch in the face, Ricky?

1436. Fuck! That was good a shot, you fuckin' idiot.

1437. Ah, fuck!

1438. Freeze!

1439. One little drink, for courage.

1440. Agh...

1441. Guess you lose and I win this one, huh, fucky?

1442. No... I won.

1443. I'm really disappointed in Randy.

1444. We decided to take a little break for a while.

1445. My decision.

1446. Good news, the Taser shock somehow reversed my stroke.

1447. I've never felt... I haven't felt this good in many, many years.

1448. Good, one, two.

1449. I'm dating again in here.

1450. I've only got seven months left, which is great.

1451. White liquor's what fucked me up.

1452. For fuck's sakes. Randy!

1453. I thought I'd miss him, but I don't.

1454. I'm also hooking at night again.

1455. Good choice for me.

1456. Well, I guess Lucy got tired of banging George Green.

1457. She kicked him out of the trailer, which is great.

1458. And I'm spending a lot more time around Trinity, and...

1459. things aren't 100% between me and Lucy, but we'll see how things go.

1460. Hey, if Stretch-Arm-Weak's here, that must mean Julian's out the joint.

1461. - You know what I'm saying? - Hey, Jacob.

1462. - Look at that fuckin' sign. - Ray Christ!

1463. Hey Sarah, how's the pH?

1464. - It's good. - Good.

1465. - How'd we do? - Real good.

1466. - Holy fuck! - Cool, boss?

1467. - Yeah. - Alright, let's go, babe.

1468. - Want some soups? - One can each.

1469. Guess who's out, dawg.

1470. You're looking at him. I'm a free man.

1471. Judge gave him bail. It was a female judge and I think she was feeling him.

1472. I admit it, I've made some mistakes in my life.

1473. And... maybe the piss game was the biggest mistake of my life

1474. because not only did it... fuck me up financially...

1475. it fucked me up emotionally.

1476. For the first time in my life,

1477. I actually don't feel like telling the government to fuck off.

1478. They dropped all the charges, which is fucking great.

1479. And they offered me a license to grow medical marijuana for five fucking years.

1480. So for the first time in my life, I am growing fucking weed

1481. and it's totally legal.

1482. Which is the way it should be. It's the new fucking mellemium.

1483. Watch out for Randy!

1484. Straight back, Ricky, straight back!

1485. 10 more feet Ricky, 10 more feet!

1486. Okay, cut her there!

1487. Cut her, cut her!

1488. Straight back.

1489. Brakes, Ricky!

1490. Yes!

1491. New crib's dope, Bubbles.

1492. - Thanks. - You own all this?

1493. - It's all mine boys, come on in. - Sweet, man.

1494. - Make yourselves at home, boys. - I'm going to roll a joint.

1495. I'm not here to fuck with you guys.

1496. What's going on, Randy? Are you... hooking again?

1497. Yeah, I am.

1498. You be surprised how many freaky-ass motherfuckers

1499. are in to big-gutted hairy bitches.

1500. Listen man, I really appreciate what you did for me, Randy.

1501. - You're alright, bud. - Thanks, Julian.

1502. - Alright, alright, alright. - Thanks a lot.

1503. - Ricky, you got mail. - What the fuck is that?

1504. Hey J-Roc, do we got a CDR?

1505. Whoa, hey, ahem... Ricky.

1506. Hey buddy, it's the old man.

1507. As you can see, I'm alive and well.

1508. Living in a dump in Florida, making liquor...

1509. In fact, I'm kinda drunk right now buddy, so...

1510. gi... give me a second.

1511. So Rick, listen, I uh...

1512. I did an insurance scam, buddy... Life insurance.

1513. Made $11,000.

1514. $11,000! I mean, you know how far that would go in a Florida dump?

1515. I'm set for life, pal.

1516. Fucking genius.

1517. Saw you on television, Rick.

1518. You were fantastic.

1519. Thanks, Dad.

1520. My family's here, in Sunnyvale.

1521. This is where I'm meant to be, with Ricky and Julian and... everybody.

1522. This is my home.

1523. I learned a lot of things on this whole journey.

1524. One of them's that I gotta gear down on the liquor.

1525. And ramp it up on the dope.

1526. Luis-subs. Ecuador.