Trading Places (1983)

1. Your breakfast, sir.

2. Pork bellies!

3. | have a hunch something exciting will happen in the pork belly market.

4. Will Miss Penelope be dining with you this evening, sir?

5. Yes. Yes, she will.

6. - Good morning, Mr Winthorpe. - Morning, Folsey.

7. - Morning, Mr Winthorpe. - Good morning.

8. - Morning, Mr Winthorpe. - Morning.

9. - Morning, Mr Winthorpe. - Morning.

10. Good morning, Mr Winthorpe.

11. - Morning, Mr Winthorpe. - Morning, Mr Winthorpe.

12. - Good morning, Mr Winthorpe. - Morning.

13. - Good morning, Mr Winthorpe. - Morning.

14. Pork bellies. I knew it!

15. - Good morning, Mr Duke. - Good morning, Mr Duke.

16. - Good morning, Mr Duke. - Morning, Mr Duke.

17. - Morning, Mr Duke. - Morning, Mr Duke.

18. Good morning, Mr Duke.

19. Good morning, Mr Duke.

20. - When do we sell? - How stupid these scientists are!

21. The eternal question! There is no question. The answer's obvious.

22. | don't care about heredity versus environment.

23. I'm sick of hearing it. I care how much we get for our pork bellies.

24. Winthorpe will sell at 76%a.

25. - He says that's as high as it'll go. - It'll never get that high. Sell.

26. Patience, Mortimer. Let's see if Winthorpe's right.

27. Winthorpe's wrong. It's topped out. | say we sell now.

28. Just another few seconds.

29. The market's closing. We won't get the order in.

30. - We just made an extra $347,000. - Get me Winthorpe.

31. | never had an instant of doubt in my mind, Mortimer.

32. Yes, I'm sure a lot of people went belly-up on that one.

33. I'll see you at the club.

34. Morning, Mr Duke.

35. Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Thank you very much.

36. Vietnam did this to me, but I'm not bitter.

37. Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah? Spare a war veteran some change?

38. - I'm on my knees for life. - I have nothing for you.

39. Please, anything.

40. A quarter, just a couple of dollars.

41. Anything, a quarter, a nickel, please. Hey, man, I really don't appreciate this.

42. | don't care what it is, spiked ham, anything, some crackers.

43. Thanks! Want a stump up your ass?

44. - Stay outta here! - You've got a lot of soul. I appreciate it.

45. Listen to this. "Expect this stagnation to continue,"

46. "until the Department of Agriculture's January crop report.”

47. Exactly as we thought, Randolph.

48. Wrong! Quite wrong. Untrue.

49. They've given this genetics fellow the Nobel Prize.

50. He doesn't know the first thing about human nature.

51. We're about to make millions in frozen orange juice

52. and you're talking about human nature.

53. - Money isn't everything. - Grow up.

54. Mother always said you were greedy.

55. She meant it as a compliment.

56. Ezra, right on time.

57. | bet you thought I'd forgotten your Christmas bonus.

58. There you are.

59. Five dollars! Maybe I'll go to the movies...

60. by myself.

61. - Half of it is from me. - Thank you, Mr Mortimer.

62. - Gentlemen. - Looking good, Louis.

63. Feeling good, Todd.

64. We need a fourth for squash today, you interested?

65. No can do. I'll be having dinner with Penelope tonight.

66. - Oh, lucky you. - It's not luck. Todd.

67. Randolph, Mortimer.

68. - What have you got for us? - It's that time of the month again.

69. Payroll cheques for our employees, which require your signatures.

70. No forgetting to sign the big ones.

71. We're paying some of our employees an awful lot of money.

72. You can't get around the minimum wage.

73. $50,000 to Clarence Beeks! Who the hell...?

74. | meant to ask you.

75. | went through our records,

76. and there doesn't seem to be a Clarence Beeks employed with the firm.

77. Oh, Clarence Beeks. Yes, of course.

78. - He's doing something top secret for us. - Research.

79. How is Penelope?

80. Don't forget she's our grandniece - make an honest woman of her.

81. Well, I'll certainly try, sir. The wedding invitations go out this week.

82. Good work, Winthorpe.

83. Don't worry about this, Winthorpe. I'll take care of this personally.

84. - Goodbye, Winthorpe. - Goodbye, Winthorpe.

85. Winthorpe is a very steady young man.

86. We're lucky to have him.

87. Oh, hogwash. Exeter, Harvard - he's the product of good environment.

88. It's got nothing to do with environment.

89. With his genes, he'd come out on top anywhere.

90. Breeding, same as in race horses. It's in the blood.

91. Hey, baby, what's happening? How you doing?

92. Once you've had a man with no legs, you never go back.

93. | know what you're thinking. You seen "Porgy And Bess"?

94. We can make it, baby. Me and you. You bitch!

95. - Who's that? Who's there? - Police!

96. We've had complaints about con men pretending to be blind and crippled.

97. | ain't seen nothing since I stepped on that landmine in Viet Cong.

98. - It was very painful. - In 'Nam? So were we. Where?

99. | was in... Sang Bang... Dang Gong... | was all over that place, lots of places.

100. What unit?

101. | was with the Green Berets, Special Unit Battalions...

102. Commando Airborne Tactics... Specialist Tactics Unit Battalion.

103. Real hush hush. I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, that was me.

104. Airborne, huh?

105. | can see! I can see! | have... I have legs!

106. | have... Oh, shit, look at this. Man! I can walk. Jesus!

107. Praise Jesus!

108. | appreciate this. This is beautiful. | can't believe... Thank you.

109. | don't know what to do...

110. Glory be to God. Praise Jesus. Look at me.

111. This is too much. I can't believe it. Beautiful! Listen! Thank you.

112. First Moses, now this. God, Jesus...

113. I'm so happy, oh, God. Look at me, this is too much. What a happy day!

114. | appreciate it, y'all. It's OK now. Look!

115. | can walk. I don't know what to say... I'll be all right. Take it easy.

116. Y'all beautiful, both of you are, the two of you.

117. How are you doing?

118. - Oh, I'm sorry. - Stop thief. Help, help!

119. What are you talking about, man?

120. - Don't kill me. I'm getting married. - I don't want your bag.

121. Help!

122. Help! Help!

123. Help!

124. He's in there. After him.

125. - Excuse me. - Watch out. He probably has a weapon.

126. There he is. Stop him. He has my briefcase.

127. He's inside. That boy's crazy.

128. He's getting away.

129. There he is. That's him. Get him.

130. He's under the table. Somebody go under there.

131. Right there. There he is.

132. Is there a problem, officers?

133. What in heaven's name is going on here?

134. - He tried to rob the payroll. - I didn't. He bumped into me.

135. | did not. You tried to grab my briefcase.

136. - It was an accident. - Really?

137. - What will happen to him? - We'll book him, on assault,

138. attempted robbery, and resisting arrest.

139. - Well done, Winthorpe. - I'm innocent.

140. | was giving his briefcase back. | can't go to jail 'cause of him.

141. | want to press full charges. People like this are a menace to society.

142. - You're from a broken home? - Yeah, we was broke. So what?

143. You have a history of juvenile arrests, | presume?

144. Drug abuse, reform school, state prisons and all that?

145. | want a lawyer. Is there a lawyer in the house?

146. That man is a product of a poor environment.

147. There's nothing wrong with him. I can prove it.

148. Of course there's something wrong with him.

149. He's a Negro!

150. He's probably been stealing since he could crawl.

151. Given the right surroundings and encouragement,

152. I'll bet that that man could run our company as well as Winthorpe.

153. Are we talking about a wager, Randolph?

154. | suppose you think Winthorpe, if he lost his job,

155. would resort to holding up people on the streets.

156. No, I don't think that would be enough for Winthorpe.

157. We'd have to heap a little more misfortune on those narrow shoulders.

158. If he lost his job and his home and his fiancée and his friends.

159. If he were disgraced and arrested by the police and thrown in jail.

160. Yes, I'm sure he'd take to crime like a fish to water.

161. You'd have to put him in the wrong surroundings, with the worst sorts.

162. | mean real scum, Randolph.

163. We've done it before.

164. This time it's in a good cause. How much do you want to bet?

165. - The usual amount. - Why not?

166. - You're so brave, Louis. - You have to stand up to criminals.

167. But he could have killed you.

168. In such a situation, you have no time to think - instinct takes over.

169. It's either Kill or be killed.

170. Did Louis tell you what he did today?

171. Mr Louis kindly shared this afternoon's excitement with me, Miss Penelope.

172. You're so hot tempered, darling.

173. | would have grovelled and begged for mercy.

174. | want you Louis, now.

175. - Coleman. - Sir?

176. We'll take our drinks in the living room, by the fire.

177. - No dessert, sir? - You have it.

178. Thank you, sir.

179. Hello.

180. Oh, hello, Mr Duke, sir... A what?

181. A scientific experiment.

182. Not at all, sir, no I... It all sounds very...

183. original.

184. Well, it's your house and I work for you.

185. | shall make the necessary arrangements.

186. And a very good night to you, sir.

187. What a scumbag.

188. Mumsie wants to have a party for us right after New Year's.

189. January 2nd, is that good for you?

190. OK with me, hon. Darn nice of her too.

191. Oh, heck. 2nd January. Can't do it.

192. - Oh, Louis. - It's the day the crop reports come out.

193. What do those stupid old crop reports have to do with Mumsie's party?

194. It's the busiest time of year in the office, sugarpuff.

195. It's just not fair. Why can't you make them do it another day?

196. The Department of Agriculture gets those estimates from all over.

197. Pork bellies, soybeans,

198. frozen orange juice.

199. I'll just have to ask Todd to take me.

200. Wait a minute. If you think I'm going to let that playboy...

201. Just teasing you.

202. You know something, Witherspoon? We are going to make a great couple.

203. We're going to have a great life.

204. - Excuse me, sir. - What is it?

205. Will you be needing me any more, this evening, sir?

206. No, I think I have everything I want.

207. Good night, sir.

208. | had to keep him under surveillance,

209. make sure he had his payroll before I moved.

210. - Tell us how you cut him? - With no knife.

211. - You told me you cut the dude. - With these I cut him.

212. | am a chain belt in Kung Fu. Bruce Lee was my teacher.

213. That's the "quart of blood" technique. Do it, a quart of blood drops out of a body.

214. - Tell him how you beat on the cop. - Cops, plural.

215. Beat the shit out of ten cops and changed my strategy.

216. When they brought you in, you was crying like a pussy.

217. - Yeah. - The cops threw tear gas in my face.

218. | still walked in like a man, so get outta my face.

219. You beating up a man, putting him in hospital.

220. - How come I don't see marks on you? - Yeah.

221. 'Cause I'm a karate man, all right.

222. Karate men bruise on the inside. They don't show their weaknesses.

223. You don't know that, motherfucker. Now get off my back, all right.

224. | wish my bitches would hurry up. | ain't got time to be here.

225. Where is your bitches, Mr Big Time Pimp?

226. Yeah.

227. Didn't I tell you, the phone in my limousine is busted

228. and I can't contact my bitches?

229. Yeah, the phone in the limo had busted. Are you ignorant?

230. - Look, sit down, all right. - It ain't cool being no jive turkey,

231. so close to Thanksgiving.

232. Hey, now...

233. You don't know what you're doing.

234. Do you know who you're fucking with? Back the fuck up, back up.

235. Do you know who you're fucking with in cell number four on the ninth floor.

236. - Billy Ray Valentine? - Yes.

237. Move it.

238. - You made bail. - I did?

239. - May I suggest using a night stick? - Get outta here.

240. Mr Valentine.

241. Could you spare us a moment?

242. - Don't I know you two guys? - Step inside, nice and warm in here.

243. - Whiskey, all you want. - I ain't falling for the same trick twice.

244. You'd have me arrested for stealing the car.

245. Why should we do that, Mr Valentine? We're the ones who bailed you out.

246. - Who are y'all? What y'all want? - We want to help you.

247. My brother and I run a privately funded programme,

248. to rehabilitate culturally disadvantaged people.

249. We'd like to supply you with a home of your own, a car,

250. a generous bank account, and employment with our company.

251. We're going to start you at $80,000 a year.

252. - $80,000? - Mmm.

253. Excuse me.

254. This is a practical joke, right, brother?

255. Then these dudes are a couple of faggots, huh?

256. What's my next move, man?

257. Thank you, you've been helpful.

258. - What about the police? - We've had the charges dropped.

259. You're a free man, Valentine.

260. We can stop right now and you can walk out on us forever.

261. No, I believe I can hang out with you fellas for a while.

262. - Excellent. I'm Randolph Duke. - Randy, what's happening?

263. - My younger brother, Mortimer. - Hey, Mort y! What it is.

264. Billy Ray Valentine, Capricorn.

265. Like Randy Jackson from the Jackson Five?

266. - Yes, I suppose so. - Yeah.

267. Here we are, William.

268. How you doing?

269. Hey, Randy, Mort y. This is nice, I like this.

270. - William... - Billy Ray.

271. This is Coleman. He'll look after your day-to-day needs.

272. - Can I relieve you of those? - You get a glass, I'll give you a sip.

273. - Perhaps your coat, sir? - Yes, this is my coat.

274. Coleman is here to take care of you. He is your servant.

275. - May 1? - Get out of here.

276. Valentine very badly wants to take a hot bath and get into something comfortable.

277. Don't you, Valentine?

278. Jacuzzi, sir?

279. | knew you was faggots. You ain't Jacuzzying nobody.

280. It's a whirlpool bath, sir. | think you'll enjoy it.

281. Bubbles, man!

282. When I was growing up, we want a Jacuzzi, we had to fart in the tub!

283. - What's he doing in there? - He's singing, sir.

284. They're very musical people, aren't they?

285. - What shall I do with his clothes? - Send them to the laundry.

286. He'll need them to wear back to the ghetto, after I've won our bet.

287. - What do you think? - I like it, Randy, very nice.

288. | like the way you have the mirror and stuff.

289. - I don't think he understands. - Mort y, I do understand.

290. - William, this is your home. - Right.

291. - It belongs to you. - I like my home. It's very nice.

292. - I have nice taste in houses. - Everything here is yours.

293. - This is my stuff? - Your property.

294. - My own personal shit. - You understand?

295. Know what I like most? The curtains. I've got this place set up beautifully.

296. This is something else. The cabinets.

297. Beautiful. I suppose you'll give me this TV set for free?

298. - That's right. - Everything here's mine?

299. - The stereo's mine, too? - Absolutely.

300. This is too much. | could really dig this. You know why?

301. This happens to me every week.

302. This is your house.

303. These are your personal possessions. You will only be stealing from yourself.

304. Look, first you throw my ass in jail.

305. Then you run me some garbage about how this is my house, my rug

306. and this is my personal slave.

307. | understand how you feel, but the fact remains, all this is yours.

308. Do with it whatever you wish.

309. This is my stuff. | can do what I want with it?

310. This is my vase, Billy Ray's vase?

311. | can play Harlem Globetrotters shit with it, like Meadow Lark Lemon?

312. - Man, I'm sorry about that. - Perfectly all right, it was your vase.

313. That was a fake, right?

314. | think we paid $35,000 for it.

315. But I remember we estimated its value at $50,000 for the insurance.

316. You see, Mortimer? William has already made us a profit of $15,000.

317. - Want me to break something else? - No.

318. Excuse me.

319. | hope we're not pushing it, using Mr Beeks for this and the crop report.

320. We are involved in a very important scientific experiment, Mortimer,

321. and Mr Beeks has always proven reliable.

322. Excuse me. Sorry.

323. Hello, Todd. Gents.

324. Gentlemen. There is something rotten in the Heritage Club.

325. Something that has never raised its vile head

326. in the 208 years of the club's history.

327. There is a thief, and he's sitting here among us.

328. Not an ordinary thief like the man Winthorpe had the guts to stand up to.

329. No, this man is a hundred times lower.

330. I'd like to introduce Mr Beeks of Lyndhurst Security.

331. Thank you. I'd like to ask you gentlemen to all stand up.

332. Please place your left hand on the shoulder

333. of the man to your left.

334. | would now ask you to place your right hand

335. in the coat pocket of the member to your right.

336. And empty the contents of those pockets onto the table.

337. Thank you. You may sit.

338. We marked three $50 bills with red As.

339. Less than ten minutes ago

340. those bills were stolen from a coat in the cloakroom.

341. One of our operatives witnessed the theft.

342. Now, wait a minute. I've never seen this money before in my life.

343. Randolph, Mortimer, this is outrageous. | haven't done anything wrong.

344. Oh, Winthorpe. I'm glad your parents are not alive to see this.

345. Wait, this is preposterous. This is insane.

346. I've no reason to steal. I'm no thief.

347. | demand a fair hearing. At least grant me that. Someone planted it on me.

348. You realise you're making a grave mistake.

349. Boy, are you going to be sorry. You know who I am?

350. Yeah, Winthorpe Louis lll.

351. I'm permitted two calls. Where's the phone?

352. - Take off your clothes. - Wait, I know my rights.

353. Take off your clothes.

354. You're making a career decision here. You'd better think about it

355. because you'll have to live with it for the rest of your life.

356. Strip, before I tear you a new asshole.

357. Did you hear what this man said?

358. Now, I have witnesses. This man is physically threatening me.

359. Winthorpe. Louis Il

360. All right. One gold watch.

361. One alligator skin wallet.

362. Master Charge, American Express... Gold Card.

363. Visa, Diner's Club, Carte Blanche.

364. Two tickets...

365. - "La Bo-heem". - "La Bohéme" - it's an opera.

366. It's an opera.

367. - One cellophane bag. - I've never seen that before in my life.

368. That's PCP - phencyclidine. Angel dust.

369. You ever seen what this stuff does to kids?

370. You're looking at three to five, mandatory... Louis.

371. What's happening, Terry? Gimme a bottle of your best champagne.

372. You've got a nerve, showing your face here after all this time.

373. Look, man, I got your money.

374. | got your poor... measly... $27...

375. with interest.

376. Billy Ray, honey. Is that you?

377. Who do you think it is? Terence, get the lady some champagne.

378. In fact, champagne for everybody, courtesy of Billy Ray Valentine.

379. A toast to Billy Ray?

380. I'm a sexy man. I'm very sexy.

381. People will say, "Billy Ray, you're sexy," and not understand my sexuality.

382. You was in the tank last night, braggin' on your limousine.

383. You're the motherfucker | was gonna carve.

384. Yeah.

385. Motherfucker? Moi?

386. That's my limousine outside, why don't you take a look at it?

387. Right outside?

388. - Yeah. - You took care of him, baby.

389. | was gonna kick his ass, but I'm a peaceful man.

390. Ladies, it's time for me to get home, but if you want to drop by for cocktails,

391. there's plenty of room in my limousine.

392. Come on, everybody.

393. - You're looking so fine, Billy Ray. - Thank you very much.

394. If you're gonna vomit, the bathroom's downstairs.

395. No, downstairs, man!

396. Shit!

397. Hey! Hey!

398. That's a Persian rug. It's from Persia.

399. What is this shit here?

400. Hold up! Hey, who's been putting out their Kools on my floor?

401. Who has been putting out their Kools on my floor?

402. Hey! Hey! Have you people ever heard of coasters?

403. Would you like me to prepare some more hors d'oeuvres for the guests, sir?

404. Fuck them.

405. There was more people here before, where 'd they go?

406. | believe some of them have adjourned upstairs, sir.

407. To my bedroom?

408. - I'm waiting for you, Billy Ray. - Put your clothes on and get out.

409. Yeah, that's my girl, over there.

410. Can I have everybody's attention please?

411. Can I have everybody's attention please?

412. Get the fuck out!

413. Good night, madam.

414. Good night, sir.

415. Good night, madam. | hope you enjoyed it.

416. Thank you.

417. It was a stone groove, my man. You are the most righteous...

418. Get the fuck out, man. Let's go, come on.

419. Hurry up.

420. Be quiet out there. My neighbours are asleep, they work too.

421. Your friends seemed to enjoy it, sir, I thought it was a great success.

422. They weren't friends. They're a bunch of freeloaders, treating my house like a zoo.

423. Why don't you retire, sir? I'll straighten up. You've got a big day tomorrow.

424. Yeah, yeah, I think I will...

425. retire.

426. Good night, Coleman. Thanks, man.

427. Good night, sir.

428. Let's go, Winthorpe.

429. - Excuse me. - I'll see you later, we'll have lunch.

430. How would you like to make a fast hundred?

431. | just got out.

432. Are you trying to entrap me right here? You guys must be getting desperate.

433. - Is that your purse? - Yes.

434. That's a nice purse.

435. Thank you.

436. Darling, I'm so glad to see you.

437. Louis, you're making a scene.

438. The good news is I'm innocent. I've never done anything resembling this.

439. Louis, you look awful. I'm so ashamed.

440. Those clothes and those shoes and...

441. you've been fighting, and you smell.

442. | smell?

443. Penelope, do you realise where I've been since yesterday?

444. They beat me up, stole my clothes. They wanted to have sex with me.

445. - Can we discuss this elsewhere? - They tried to bend me over...

446. If this place is indicative of correctional institutions in this country,

447. they might as well let them out, it's worse on the inside.

448. Stealing from your friends, Louis? Heroin, Louis? Have you lost your mind?

449. Mother wants me to call off the wedding and so does Todd.

450. What does Todd have to do with it?

451. You've been fired from Duke & Duke. They're charging you with embezzlement.

452. Embezzlement? I've never stolen anything in my life.

453. How could the man I loved, whose children I wanted, be a heroin dealer?

454. It wasn't heroin, it was angel dust, PCP...

455. Listen, Penelope, | swear to you, on my honour,

456. with almighty God as my witness, | am not an angel dust dealer.

457. Oh, Louis.

458. I've been looking everywhere for you, baby.

459. - I'm hurting. I just need a shot. - Would you please...

460. - Who is this person? - I've never seen this woman before.

461. Don't say that, Louis.

462. Come on baby, just a dime bag. I'll do all those things you like.

463. You lying.. filthy... disgusting... creep.

464. Todd was right about you. I never want to see you again as long as I live.

465. Grand! Great! Thanks a lot.

466. It was a joke. Your friend said it would get you off.

467. - Someone told you to do this to me? - Yeah, and he paid me $100.

468. He's over there.

469. Let me get this straight, | give you 20 for the cab,

470. and you'll give me 50 at your house?

471. That is correct, my butler will give you $50,

472. and drive you anywhere you wish.

473. You don't look the type that has a butler.

474. - If you're hustling me... - Hustling you, hustling you?

475. You don't think they give these to just anyone, do you?

476. | can charge goods and services in over 86 countries around the world.

477. Yeah? Well I don't take credit cards.

478. You'll see what a mistake all this was.

479. Yes?

480. Coleman, let me in. I'm having trouble with my key.

481. - Who are you? What do you want? - Coleman, I'm in no mood for jokes.

482. Coleman? There's no Coleman here. You've made a mistake.

483. Excuse me, for a moment.

484. Coleman! Let me in.

485. If you don't go away, | shall call the police.

486. Hello. I'll be making a cash withdrawal for the amount of $500.

487. In fact, make it $1,000.

488. Excuse me.

489. I'm sorry, Mr Winthorpe, but the IRS has frozen your accounts.

490. What? You know me.

491. You're a heroin dealer, Mr Winthorpe.

492. It wasn't heroin, but angel dust, and I never touched it.

493. Regardless, it's not the kind of business we want at First National.

494. May I see your credit cards please?

495. - I've been ordered to repossess them. - What?

496. Wait, what am I supposed to live on? What's going to happen to me?

497. Roger.

498. Why is someone deliberately trying to ruin my life?

499. Tell you what. Forget about the $50, OK?

500. I'm real tired. I'm going home.

501. You've got to believe me. You must believe me.

502. | have been framed. You can't just leave me here.

503. I've got enough problems, Louis.

504. Come on, come on.

505. Listen! Wait! Wait!

506. | have over $150,000 in that bank.

507. But you don't care because you helped them do this to me.

508. Get off your knees, Louis.

509. Give me your hand.

510. Soft hands.

511. And a manicure. Never done a hard day's work in your life, have you?

512. I'm gonna regret this, but... come on.

513. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. This has been a grave mistake.

514. That looks like the dude that had me busted.

515. Sir?

516. Right there, he looked just like the motherf...

517. | mean, he looks just like the gentleman that had me busted.

518. - To whom are you referring, sir? - The dude right there.

519. - Right over there. - That's my car. Coleman!

520. Coleman, that's my car!

521. That's my car! That's my driver.

522. There's some strange shit going on here, Coleman.

523. You don't want to be late for your first day, sir.

524. - What do they want me to do here? - I'm sure they'll tell you.

525. - What if I can't do it? - Just be yourself, sir.

526. Whatever happens, they can't take that away from you.

527. - Excuse me, my name is... - Mr Valentine.

528. They're waiting in the last office down the hall.

529. - Ah, William, my boy. Right on time. - Come in, come in.

530. Sit down.

531. No thanks, guys. | already had breakfast.

532. This is not a meal, Valentine.

533. We are here to try to explain to you, what it is we do here.

534. We are commodities brokers, William.

535. Now, what are commodities?

536. Commodities are agricultural products.

537. Like coffee, that you had for breakfast.

538. Wheat, which is used to make bread.

539. Pork bellies, used to make bacon,

540. which you might find in a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich.

541. Then there are other commodities like frozen orange juice... and gold.

542. Though, of course, gold doesn't grow on trees like oranges.

543. - Clear so far? - Yeah.

544. Good, William. Now, some of our clients are speculating

545. that the price of gold will rise in the future.

546. Other clients are speculating that the price of gold is going to fall.

547. They've placed their orders with us,

548. and we buy or sell their gold for them.

549. Tell him the good part.

550. The good part is...

551. no matter whether our clients make money or lose money,

552. Duke & Duke get the commissions.

553. Well, what do you think, Valentine?

554. Sounds to me like you guys are a couple of bookies.

555. | told you he'd understand.

556. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened.

557. It's the same guy who tried to rob the payroll. No doubt.

558. He planted the drugs on me.

559. Rachim, Mohammed, Larry. How you doing?

560. Hey, hey, how ya doing?

561. You know those people?

562. He was wearing my Harvard tie.

563. Can you believe it? My Harvard tie. Like, oh sure, he went to Harvard.

564. If he's being driven in my car, he could be living in my house.

565. Maybe he's even taken my job.

566. For all I know, right now he could be fondling my fiancée.

567. And Coleman! After years of service, this betrayal.

568. | don't understand it.

569. There's going to be retribution. He's going to pay.

570. - The things that I... - Shut up, Louis.

571. Taxis cost money, food costs money and rent costs money!

572. You want me to help you out, | expect a lot in return.

573. These were here when I moved in. Put 'em on if you want.

574. | cannot begin to tell you how much I appreciate this...

575. - Ophelia. - Ophelia, you realise that's...

576. | know, Hamlet's girlfriend. He went crazy, she killed herself.

577. This is not Shakespeare, Louis.

578. I'm 24. I'm from a small, miserable mining town you probably never heard of.

579. The only thing I've got going for me, is this body,

580. this face, and what I got up here.

581. | don't do drugs. And I don't have a pimp.

582. This place is a dump, but it's cheap, clean and it's all mine.

583. I've saved 42 grand and it's in T-Bills earning interest.

584. Three more years, I'll have enough to retire.

585. You're a prostitute?

586. I'm talking about a business proposition, Louis.

587. | help you get back on your feet and you pay me, in cash, five figures.

588. That's the deal and it's not subject to negotiation.

589. Understood?

590. By the way, food and rent are not the only things here that cost money.

591. You sleep on the couch.

592. It's hit rock bottom. Come on, let's buy.

593. Buy 200 May belly contracts at 66.8.

594. - Put them on my personal account. - That's a big mistake.

595. - This is very important, watch. - You'll get reamed on this one.

596. - Why shouldn't we buy now? - Price is going to keep going down.

597. Randolph, this isn't Monopoly money we're playing with.

598. This is Randolph Duke. Hold that belly order a moment.

599. Tell me why you think the price of pork bellies is going down.

600. - It's Christmas. Everyone's uptight. - Could we please buy now?

601. - If you want to lose money. - What are you saying?

602. OK, pork belly prices have been dropping all morning.

603. Everybody's waiting for them to hit rock bottom so they can buy cheap.

604. The people with pork belly contracts are thinking, "We're losing our money."

605. "Christmas is coming. I won't be able to buy my son the Gl Joe."

606. "My wife won't make love to me 'cause I'm broke."

607. They're panicking, screaming, "Sell, sell."

608. They don't want to lose their money. They are panicking, I can feel it.

609. Look at them.

610. He's right, Mortimer. My God, look at it.

611. Wait till you get to 64, then buy.

612. You'll have cleared out all the suckers by then.

613. Do you realise how much money he just saved us?

614. Money isn't everything, Randolph.

615. Advise our clients interested in bellies to buy at 64.

616. Mr Valentine has set the price.

617. Well done, William. Very well done.

618. Come on, Randolph, we're gonna be late.

619. Yo! Mortimer dropped his money clip.

620. - You can count it, it's all there. - Thank you.

621. - It's all there, count it. - I'm sure it is. Keep up the good work.

622. All right, Randy.

623. Nice try, Mortimer.

624. That was great, that was really great.

625. and she stepped on the ball.

626. Oh, my God, I don't believe it.

627. - Ah, there you are. - I think I'm going to be sick.

628. Don't worry, I'll handle this, Pookums.

629. Todd, Harry, Andrew, Philip.

630. | realise this looks completely awful, but I wanted to assure you,

631. my friends, that I am completely innocent.

632. I'm going to fight this. Someone's out to get me and I know who.

633. The important thing is that I can rely on you, my friends,

634. as character witnesses.

635. I'm going to be defending myself,

636. and I wondered if you could see your way clear

637. to perhaps advance me a small loan until the hearing.

638. Frankly, Winthorpe, and I think I speak for all of us,

639. | think it shows incredibly bad taste for you to embarrass us like this.

640. | believe I'm still a member of this club.

641. Nobody wants to buy your drugs, Louis. Why don't you just go away?

642. Burnt my fingers, man.

643. | beg your pardon.

644. Man, that watch is so hot, it's smokin'.

645. Hot? Do you mean to imply, stolen?

646. - I'll give you 50 bucks for it. - 50 bucks!

647. No, this is a Rochefoucauld, the world's thinnest water-resistant watch.

648. Singularly unique, sculptured in design,

649. hand crafted in Switzerland and water-resistant to three atmospheres.

650. This is the sports watch of the '80s. $6,955 retail.

651. Got a receipt?

652. It tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills,

653. London, Paris, Rome and Gstaad.

654. In Philadelphia it's worth 50 bucks.

655. Just give me the money.

656. How much for the gun?

657. So, this snail is standing in front of the Cadillac salesman, see,

658. and says, "How much is that Cadillac?"

659. The snail says, "I want a big S on each door,"

660. "and on top, I want another big S, so everybody can see it."

661. Salesman says, "Why?"

662. He says, "When I drive down the avenue, I want everybody to say,"

663. "Look at that S-car-go.™

664. "Look at the S-car-go."

665. I'm considering going long on April wheat. What do you think?

666. | can think of three good reasons why you shouldn't.

667. One, the Russian wheat harvest won't be as bad as people think. Two...

668. And three, judging by your girlfriend's jewels,

669. you're going to need every penny just to keep her happy.

670. 103. That's it, you're staying in bed.

671. The man has moved into my house, stolen my job, I have to do something.

672. Stay here.

673. It's ten o'clock - here's Johnny.

674. Listen, baby, I'm sorry. My momma just came in from outta town.

675. Can we do it next week?

676. Flowers for me?

677. Thanks.

678. - What are you doing? - You've got company.

679. Business is business. I'll take a walk.

680. - Fresh air will do me good. - Lay down.

681. I'm sorry you had to cancel your appointment.

682. What are you doing?

683. Ophelia, I can't tell you how good that feels.

684. You've been so kind to me.

685. I'm just protecting my investment. That's all.

686. Shut up and go to sleep.

687. 99 and a half. You're not getting up until it's normal.

688. | feel fine and I've inconvenienced you enough.

689. - You have work to do and so do I. - Nobody works on Christmas Eve.

690. I'm going shopping. Then I'll make you a nice dinner.

691. Now, read your paper.

692. Christmas! I'll give him a Christmas present he'll never forget.

693. William, where've you been? The party's already begun.

694. I've some work to finish.

695. It's Christmas Eve and William wants to keep working.

696. I'll think of you when I accept the Nobel Prize.

697. The wager has two parts - something about a second party turning to crime.

698. Didn't you say you had work to do?

699. Yes, sir. I was wondering about this $10,000 cheque to Mr Clarence Beeks.

700. - I'll take care of it. - I don't recall a Clarence Beeks.

701. It was before you joined us, Valentine.

702. We did manage to stay in business for 47 years before your arrival.

703. Have a drink, William. Merry Christmas.

704. - Merry Christmas, Mr Duke. - What?

705. - Merry Christmas. - Oh, oh, Merry Christmas.

706. Ho, ho, ho!

707. Just what do you think you're doing?

708. Randolph, Mortimer, come in here quickly, I've finally caught him.

709. - Who are you? - I've caught him red-handed.

710. Winthorpe, is that you?

711. I'm making a citizen's arrest. This man is a drug dealer.

712. Look, his office drawer, he's got all the bad drugs here.

713. Marijuana joints, pills, Quaaludes,

714. Valium, yellow ones, red ones, cocaine grinder, drug needles.

715. He's the pusher, not me.

716. | just came in and caught him planting this stuff.

717. It's obviously some primitive attempt to frame me.

718. Frame you? Boy, if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black.

719. This man's obviously a lunatic. I'm calling security.

720. Put that phone down.

721. Hello, security... Merry Christmas.

722. You tried to rob me, plant drugs on me.

723. You steal my house, my car, my job. | ought to kill him now.

724. This is a big misunderstanding.

725. | don't know nothing about it. Could you put the gun away?

726. Put that gun away at once. Have you lost your mind?

727. Freeze, slime ball.

728. | realise this whole experience must have been rather unsettling for you.

729. Winthorpe, don't leave. We can explain.

730. Yeah, you'll be sorry.

731. You'll all be very, very sorry.

732. Poor, deluded creature, we caught him pilfering at our club,

733. embezzling funds, selling drugs.

734. Now he's dressing up like Santa Claus. A very sordid business.

735. | can't believe Winthorpe would fall to pieces like that.

736. That guy belongs behind bars.

737. - He's unemployed, Valentine. - It's no excuse, Mortimer.

738. He's flat broke, obviously hungry.

739. He has money to buy drugs.

740. You can't be soft on people like that. Take it from me, Randolph.

741. Pay up, Mortimer, I've won the bet.

742. Here, one dollar.

743. We took a perfectly useless psychopath like Valentine,

744. and turned him into a successful executive.

745. And during the same time,

746. we turned an honest, hard-working man

747. into a violently deranged, would-be Killer.

748. How are we going to take Winthorpe back and return Valentine to the ghetto?

749. | don't want Winthorpe back after what he's done.

750. You mean keep Valentine on, as Managing Director?

751. Do you really believe I'd have a nigger run our family business?

752. Of course not. Neither would I.

753. We should hold off on switching them back, though,

754. until we get that crop report, New Year's Eve.

755. Absolutely, no sense rocking the boat until then.

756. If Mr Beeks does what we paid him to do,

757. we should have a very happy New Year.

758. Indeed.

759. Hey, Winthorpe! Winthorpe!

760. Hey!

761. Hey, Winthorpe. Yo, Winthorpe!

762. Winthorpe. Yo!

763. Sorry about that.

764. Yo! Yo!

765. Taxi!

766. Hi, Louis. Merry Christmas.

767. Louis, when you get out | have a big surprise for you.

768. Excuse me. The door was open... I'm looking for a Louis Winthorpe.

769. - Does he live here? - Wait here a minute, I'll be right back.

770. Louis, Louis. It's him. It's Valentine.

771. Louis... Louis?

772. Louis.

773. It was close, but he'll be all right.

774. Make sure he gets plenty of rest. And for God's sake, no excitement.

775. Thanks, Doc. Merry Christmas.

776. Merry Christmas to you. I'll let myself out, Coleman.

777. - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.

778. It was a dream. | dreamt the whole thing.

779. It was just a bad dream.

780. Good morning, sir. Merry Christmas.

781. Coleman, I've had the most absurd nightmare.

782. | was poor and no one liked me. | lost my job, I lost my house.

783. Penelope hated me!

784. It was all because of this terrible, awful Negro.

785. - Oh, dear! - It... was... the... Dukes.

786. You're a dead man, Valentine!

787. It was an experiment. They used us as guinea pigs, man.

788. The Dukes used us as guinea pigs.

789. To see how our lives would turn out. They made a bet.

790. - It's true, sir. - I believe him, Louis.

791. The Dukes ruined my life over a bet?

792. - For how much? - A dollar.

793. One dollar.

794. Fine, that's the way they want it. No problem.

795. You can't just shoot people with a double-barrelled shotgun

796. 'cause you're pissed at them.

797. Why not?

798. It's assault with a deadly weapon. You get 20 years for that.

799. Any better ideas?

800. The best way to hurt rich people is by turning 'em into poor people.

801. You have to admit, you didn't like it yourself a bit.

802. Now for the news.

803. Under heavy security, next year's orange crop estimates

804. are being delivered from Miami to Washington DC.

805. Louis, that's him, the guy who paid me to talk dirty to you.

806. In charge of security is Mr Clarence Beeks of Lyndhurst Security.

807. Clarence Beeks.

808. - The Dukes gave him 10 grand. - I saw 50,000 in the payroll.

809. Mortimer said it was for research.

810. Research, so he can get that secret report, before it goes public.

811. My God, the Dukes will corner the entire frozen orange juice market.

812. - Unless somebody stops them. - Or beats them to it.

813. Eggnog?

814. Duke & Duke, may I ask who's calling?

815. Duke & Duke, he's busy. Can you hold, please?

816. May I help you? One moment, Mr Beeks, I'll put you through.

817. Operation "Strange Fruit" proceeding according to plan.

818. | anticipate penetration and acquisition at 21:00 tomorrow. Hold on.

819. Fuck off!

820. - When can we expect delivery? - I will be leaving DC by train.

821. Rendezvous at 24:00...

822. the Hilton Hotel, parking level D, section 4.

823. - The orange section. - Orange, very good.

824. The final payment is due on delivery, in cash.

825. Jesus, hey!

826. Happy New Year!

827. - Ever make it with an ape? - Haven't you had enough drink?

828. Are you kidding? It's not even New Year's Eve.

829. Come on, kiss this beautiful ape.

830. Come on.

831. Harrisburg Express...

832. - What? - It's my turn to drive.

833. - No, 1t isn't. - It is.

834. - I'm sure you think it is, but it isn't. - Don't you remember?

835. You drove the shipment of anchovies.

836. Yeah, but you had the video tape recorders this afternoon.

837. | backed them up about five feet.

838. We take turns. Sometimes it's longer, sometimes shorter. It's my turn now.

839. - No, itisn't. - Yes, it is.

840. - Merry New Year. - Happy New Year.

841. In this country, we say, "Happy New Year."

842. Thanks for correcting my English, which stinks.

843. | am Naga Eboko, exchange student from Cameroon.

844. Beef jerky time.

845. - You want some beef jerky? - No, please.

846. There's plenty, you know.

847. This animal's being routed through to New York.

848. Its care and feeding instructions are on this bill of lading.

849. OK, gotcha.

850. | doubt you'll need it, but there's a tranquilliser gun in First Aid.

851. - Oh, yeah? - Say, have you guys been drinking?

852. - No, sir. Not us. - There's enough drunks here already.

853. Happy New Year.

854. That's kind of you, son. A Happy New Year to you, too.

855. Could I offer either of you gentlemen a wee jolt of Irish whiskey,

856. to usher in the New Year?

857. Not for me, pal.

858. | do not drink. It is against my religion.

859. | always say, "Religion's a fine thing, taken in moderation."

860. - Beef jerky? - No, it gives me terrible wind.

861. We are moving! We are moving!

862. New York, here we come!

863. Come in, my child, join the party.

864. Let me see, you would be from Austria. Am I right?

865. - No, I am Inga from Sweden. - Sweden?

866. But you're wearing Lederhosen.

867. Ja, for sure, from Sweden.

868. Please, help me with my rucksack.

869. Oh, yeah, sure, why not?

870. I'm hungry, man. I've got to get something more to eat.

871. Well, maybe there's some pretzels in the bar car.

872. You're welcome!

873. - Who is that? - Open the door, man.

874. I'm dressed as a baggage handler.

875. Imagine how embarrassed I was that someone had the same costume I had!

876. Monkey, monkey? I'm a fucking gorilla, you clown!

877. | certainly hope there's enough space on the train for me.

878. Naga, Naga Eboko, from Cameroon.

879. Do you remember me? It's Lionel Joseph.

880. Lionel, from the African Education Conference, right?

881. | was Director of Cultural Events at the Haile Selassie Pavilion.

882. | remember we have big fun there.

883. Now we are all here, we will have a picnic, ja?

884. You will help me get my rucksack down for the Swedish meatballs?

885. - Remember the one we did? - Yeah.

886. - The memories. - All day long I could tell those stories.

887. - Those were good ones. - The good old days.

888. - There you are, sweet pea. - Danke.

889. So, the train will be pulling into Philadelphia soon.

890. Will you be getting off at the city of brotherly love?

891. | will, but you won't...

892. Winthorpe.

893. - See if this one's empty. - Back off.

894. I'll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain.

895. - Excuse me. - You got it.

896. All right. On your feet. Let's go.

897. Fucking weirdos! We're going to take a little walk.

898. Don't try anything funny or the whore loses a kidney.

899. - No, I'm from Sweden. - Beat it.

900. Hey, I'm King Kong, the biggest, baddest guy in the jungle.

901. Get lost, you maggot.

902. Who is that guy, your father or something?

903. All right, hold it right here.

904. - Honestly, Beeks. - This is as far as we go.

905. No more cockamamie cigar smoke.

906. No more Swedish meatballs, tootsie.

907. No more phoney Irish whiskey.

908. No more goddamn jerky beef. The party's over.

909. The party's over? Hey, come on.

910. What do you mean, the party's over?

911. It's not even ten o'clock, you dummy.

912. Hey, come on. Loosen up, man. It's almost New Year's Eve.

913. Hey, look what happened to me!

914. Sometimes, they look so human, it gives you the creeps.

915. That other one's getting kinda horny, ain't he?

916. Think we ought to hit him up with the tranquilliser gun?

917. It's New Year's. Let 'em have their fun.

918. That black one must be the female.

919. - Where is he? - Beeks. Are you there, Beeks?

920. I'm over here.

921. That's far enough.

922. - Did you get the report? - Let's see the money.

923. OK, toss it over.

924. Thank you, Beeks.

925. Wonderful news. Wonderful.

926. Beeks, Happy New Year.

927. My life savings. Try not to lose it.

928. Lose it? In a couple of hours, you'll be the richest butler ever.

929. | worked real hard for this, Louis. Hope you know what you're doing.

930. - Thank you, Ophelia. - What are you doing?

931. - 10:31... - That's us, Louis.

932. Coleman, would you, please? Thank you.

933. | could use a stiff drink. Would you care to join me?

934. - Morning, Mr Duke. - Wilson.

935. - Good morning, Mr Duke. - Wilson.

936. Keep the change.

937. Think big, think positive. Never show any weakness.

938. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell high. Fear, that's the other guy's problem.

939. Nothing can prepare you for the unbridled carnage you are about to witness.

940. The Super Bowl, the World Series. Pressure?

941. Here it's Kill or be killed. Make no friends and take no prisoners.

942. One minute you're up half a million, then, boom.

943. You've lost your kids' college fund and your Bentley.

944. We've got to kill the motherf... We've got to kill them.

945. Buy as much OJ as you can, the instant trading starts.

946. Don't worry if the price starts going up, just keep buying.

947. They'll broadcast the crop report in an hour, what if...?

948. Let us worry about that, Wilson.

949. Yes, sir.

950. - How's the ulcer, Harry? - Pretty good. How's the hypertension?

951. Hasn't bothered me in months.

952. Let's kick some ass.

953. This is it. The last bastion of pure capitalism left on earth.

954. Here in New York they trade everything, gold, silver, platinum,

955. heating oil, propane, cocoa and sugar

956. and, of course, frozen, concentrated orange juice.

957. The people on the phones are taking orders from brokers all over the world.

958. The runners hand those orders to the traders in the pits.

959. They're trading cotton over there. And that's the silver pit.

960. The Dukes' trader will be buying like crazy.

961. - We wait till he drives the price up. - I want to see his face

962. when they broadcast that genuine crop report.

963. OJ trading opens at 9:00.

964. - Let's go kick some butt. - Let's go.

965. The Dukes are trying to corner the market.

966. - They know something. - Let's get in on it.

967. 200, taken.

968. - 130. - 200, 200.

969. Louis.

970. Not yet, almost.

971. - 220 taken. - 209.

972. - Yeah, yeah, got 'em. - 139.

973. Now! Sell, 200 April at 142.

974. That's not right. How can the price be going down?

975. Something's wrong. Where's Wilson?

976. - Sell! Sell! - What are they doing here?

977. - They're selling, Mortimer. - Why, that's ridiculous.

978. - Unless that crop report... - God help us.

979. | told you we shouldn't have committed everything, you asshole.

980. We've got to get Wilson and tell him to sell.

981. Ladies and gentlemen, the Secretary of Agriculture.

982. Ladies and gentlemen, the orange crop estimates for the next year.

983. After calculating the estimates from various orange producing states,

984. we have concluded the following:

985. the cold winter has apparently not affected the orange harvest.

986. Consumers can expect orange juice prices to fall...

987. Wilson, for Christ's sake, sell.

988. - Buy 'em. - Sold! Sold!

989. - Wilson, where are you going? - You idiot!

990. Get back in there at once and sell, sell.

991. - Five. - Yeah, 200.

992. - 100. - Yeah, that was 100.

993. Did you get that?

994. Happy New Year.

995. - Winthorpe. - Valentine.

996. How'd you do today?

997. How could you do this to us after everything we've done for you?

998. Oh, see I made Louis a bet here.

999. Louis bet me that we couldn't get rich and put you in the poorhouse.

1000. He didn't think we could do it. I won.

1001. | lost.

1002. - One dollar. - Thank you, Louis.

1003. - After you. - Certainly.

1004. Margin call, gentlemen.

1005. - You can't expect... - You know the rules.

1006. All accounts to be settled at the end of the day's trading, no exceptions.

1007. You know perfectly well, we don't have $394 million in cash.

1008. I'm sorry. Put the Dukes' seats on the exchange up for sale at once.

1009. Seize all assets of Duke & Duke Commodities Brokers,

1010. as well as all personal holdings of Randolph and Mortimer Duke.

1011. We're ruined!

1012. This is an outrage, | demand an investigation.

1013. You can't do this. A Duke has been on this exchange since it was founded.

1014. We founded this exchange. It's ours. It belongs to us.

1015. Let's call your brother an ambulance.

1016. Fuck him! | want trading reopened, right now.

1017. Get those brokers back in here. Turn those machines back on.

1018. Turn those machines back on.

1019. You and your Nobel Prize, you idiot.

1020. Where's Beeks? Where in hell is Beeks?

1021. - Beeks! - I forgot all about that guy.

1022. OK, one male gorilla.

1023. Wait. There's two of them in that cage.

1024. Big deal. Whole bunch is getting sent back to Africa.

1025. It's a big scientific experiment. What do I know? Anyway, they're in love.

1026. - Hey, Coleman. - Yes.

1027. What about lunch? The lobster or the cracked crab?

1028. - What do you think? - Can't we have both?

1029. Why not?

1030. - Dimitri. - Sir.

1031. - Lobster and cracked crab for everyone. - Extra prima good, Mr Coleman, sir.

1032. Looking good, Billy Ray.

1033. Feeling good, Louis.

1034. 30,415 —> 01:34:32,959 Yeah, I will, but you won't...

1035. Winthorpe.

1036. - See if this one's empty. - Hey, back off.

1037. I'll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain.

1038. - Excuse me. - You got it.

1039. All right. On your feet. Up, let's go.

1040. Bunch of fucking weirdos! We're going to take a little walk.

1041. And don't try anything funny or the whore loses a kidney. Let's go.

1042. - No, I'm from Sweden. - Hey, beat it.

1043. Hey, I'm King Kong. I'm the biggest, baddest boy in the jungle.

1044. Get lost, you maggot.

1045. Hey, who is that guy, your father or something?

1046. All right, hold it right here.

1047. - Oh, honestly, Beeks. - This is as far as we go.

1048. No more cockamamie cigar smoke.

1049. No more Swedish meatballs there, tootsie.

1050. And no more phony Irish whiskey.

1051. No more goddamn jerky beef.

1052. - The party's over. - The party's over?

1053. Hey, come on. What do you mean, the party's over?

1054. It's not even ten o'clock, you dummy.

1055. Hey, come on. Loosen up, man. It's almost New Year's Eve.

1056. All right.

1057. Hey. Hey, hey, hey, look what happened to me!

1058. Sometimes, they look so human, it gives you the creeps.

1059. Boy, that other one's getting kinda horny, ain't he?

1060. Think we ought to hit him up with the tranquillizer gun?

1061. It's New Year's. Let 'em have their fun.

1062. That black one must be the female.

1063. Where is he?

1064. Beeks. Are you there, Beeks?

1065. I'm over here.

1066. That's far enough.

1067. - Did you get the report? - Let's see the money.

1068. OK, toss it over.

1069. Thank you, Beeks.

1070. Wonderful news. Wonderful.

1071. Beeks, Happy New Year.

1072. My life savings. Try not to lose it.

1073. Lose it? Coleman, in a couple hours, you're gonna be the richest butler ever.

1074. Well...

1075. | worked real hard for this, Louis. | hope you know what you're doing.

1076. - Thank you, Ophelia. - What are you doing?

1077. - 10:31... - That's us, Louis.

1078. Coleman, would you, please? Thank you.

1079. | could use a stiff drink. Would you care to join me?

1080. - Good morning, Mr Duke. - Wilson.

1081. - Good morning, Mr Duke. - Wilson.

1082. Keep the change.

1083. Think big, think positive. Never show any sign of weakness.

1084. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell high. Fear, that's the other guy's problem.

1085. Nothing you have ever experienced can prepare you

1086. for the unbridled carnage you are about to witness.

1087. The Super Bowl, the World Series. They don't know what pressure is.

1088. In this building, it's either kill or be killed. Make no friends and take no prisoners.

1089. One minute you're up half a million and the next,

1090. boom, your kids don't go to college and they've repossessed your Bentley.

1091. Yeah, we gotta kill the motherf— We gotta kill them!

1092. We want you to buy as much OJ as you can, the instant trading starts.

1093. Don't worry if the price starts going up, just keep buying.

1094. But they're gonna broadcast the crop report in an hour. What if...?

1095. Let us worry about that, Wilson.

1096. Yes, sir.

1097. How's the ulcer, Harry?

1098. Pretty good. How's the hypertension?

1099. Hasn't bothered me in months.

1100. Let's kick some ass.

1101. Well, this is it. The last bastion of pure capitalism left on earth.

1102. Here in New York they trade everything, gold, silver, platinum,

1103. heating oil, propane, cocoa and sugar

1104. and, of course, frozen, concentrated orange juice.

1105. Now, the people on the phones are taking orders from brokers all over the world.

1106. The runners then hand those orders to the traders in the pits.

1107. They're trading cotton over there. And that's the silver pit.

1108. The Dukes' trader is going to be buying like crazy right from the opening.

1109. - We wait until he drives the price up. - Right. I can't wait to see his face

1110. when they broadcast that genuine crop report.

1111. OJ trading opens at 9:00.

1112. - Let's go kick some butt. - Let's go.

1113. - 102 bid for... - Sold!

1114. Six, six.

1115. At seven, at seven. Two hundred.

1116. One-oh-eight.

1117. One-sixteen.

1118. Hey, hey. The Dukes are trying to corner the market.

1119. - They know something. I can feel it. - Let's get in on it.

1120. - Add it on! - 200, taken.

1121. - 130. - 200, 200.

1122. Louis.

1123. Not yet, almost.

1124. - 220 taken. - 209.

1125. - Yeah, yeah, got 'em. - 139.

1126. Now! Sell, 200 April at 142.

1127. That's not right. How can the price be going down?

1128. Something's wrong. Where's Wilson?

1129. - Sell! Sell! Sell! - What are they doing here?

1130. - They're selling, Mortimer. - Why, that's ridiculous.

1131. Unless that crop report...

1132. God help us!

1133. | told you we shouldn't have committed everything, you asshole.

1134. We've got to get Wilson and tell him to sell.

1135. Go, sold!

1136. Ladies and gentlemen, the Secretary of Agriculture.

1137. Ladies and gentlemen, the orange crop estimates for the next year.

1138. After calculating the estimates from various orange producing states,

1139. we have concluded the following:

1140. The cold winter has apparently not affected the orange harvest.

1141. Consumers can expect orange juice prices to fall...

1142. Wilson, for Christ's sake, sell!

1143. - Sold! Sold! Sold! - Buy 'em.

1144. Sold!

1145. Sell it!

1146. Selling. Sell!

1147. Sold!

1148. No. Selling.

1149. All right, I'll buy.

1150. - Wilson, where are you going? - You idiot!

1151. Get back in there at once and sell, sell.

1152. Sir, but I— |- I—

1153. - Five. - Yeah, 200.

1154. - 100. 100. - Yeah, that was 100.

1155. - Did you get that? - I got five with you, man. Five, five.

1156. Hundred.

1157. Happy New Year.

1158. - Winthorpe. - Valentine.

1159. Hey, how'd y'all make out today?

1160. How could you do this to us after everything we've done for you?

1161. Oh, see I made Louis a bet here.

1162. Louis bet me that we couldn't both get rich and put y'all in the poorhouse.

1163. He didn't think we could do it. I won.

1164. | lost.

1165. - One dollar. - Thank you, Louis.

1166. - After you. - Certainly.

1167. Margin call, gentlemen.

1168. - You can't expect us to— - You know the rules of the exchange.

1169. All accounts to be settled at the end of the day's trading without exception.

1170. You know perfectly well we don't have $394 million in cash.

1171. I'm sorry, boys. Put the Duke brother seats on the exchange up for sale at once.

1172. Seize all assets of Duke & Duke Commodities Brokers,

1173. as well as all personal holdings of Randolph and Mortimer Duke.

1174. My God. We're ruined!

1175. This is an outrage! | demand an investigation.

1176. You can't sell our seats. A Duke has been on this exchange since it was founded.

1177. We founded this exchange. It's ours! It belongs to us!

1178. My God.

1179. Your brother's not well. We better call an ambulance.

1180. Fuck him! Now you listen to me. | want trading reopened, right now.

1181. Get those brokers back in here! Turn those machines back on!

1182. Turn those machines back on!

1183. You and your Nobel Prize, you idiot.

1184. Where's Beeks? Where in the hell is Beeks?

1185. - Beeks! - Yeah, I forgot all about that guy.

1186. OK, one male gorilla.

1187. Hey, wait a minute. There's two of them in that cage.

1188. One gorilla, two gorillas. Big deal. Whole bunch is getting sent back to Africa.

1189. It's a big scientific experiment. What do I know?

1190. Anyway, take a look. They're in love.

1191. - Hey, Coleman? - Yes?

1192. What should we do about lunch? The lobster or the cracked crab?

1193. - What do you think? - Can't we have both?

1194. Why not?

1195. - Demitri? - Sir.

1196. - Lobster and cracked crab for everyone. - Extra prima good, Mr Coleman, sir.

1197. Looking good, Billy Ray.

1198. Feeling good, Louis. —> 01:48:01,351 Selling!

1199. Selling. Sell.

1200. Sold!

1201. 36!

1202. 29!

1203. Selling.

1204. All right. I'll buy. 15.

1205. Wilson, where are you going?

1206. You idiot. Get back in there at once and sell, sell.

1207. But I... I've just... I've...

1208. - 5. - Yeah, 200. Thank you, brother.

1209. - 100. - Yeah, that was 100.

1210. - So did you get the hundred? - I got that.

1211. - Five with you, man, five. - Louis, that was 100 lots.

1212. Hundred?

1213. Happy New Year.

1214. - Winthorpe. - Valentine.

1215. - Hey, how'd you all make out today? - How could you do this to us,

1216. after everything we've done for you?

1217. Oh, see, I made Louis a bet here.

1218. Louis bet me that we couldn't both get rich

1219. and put you all in the poorhouse at the same time.

1220. He didn't think we could do it. I won.

1221. | lost.

1222. - $1. - Thank you, Louis.

1223. - After you. - Certainly.

1224. Margin call, gentlemen.

1225. Why, you can't expect us to...

1226. You know the rules of the exchange, Mr. Duke.

1227. All accounts to be settled at the end of the day's trading,

1228. without exception.

1229. You know perfectly well, we don't have $394 million in cash.

1230. I'm sorry, boys.

1231. Put the Duke brothers' seats on the exchange up for sale at once.

1232. Seize all assets of Duke & Duke commodities brokers,

1233. as well as all personal holdings of Randolph and Mortimer Duke.

1234. My God, we're ruined.

1235. This is an outrage. | demand an investigation.

1236. You can't sell our seats.

1237. A Duke has been sitting on this exchange since it was founded.

1238. We founded this exchange. It's ours.

1239. - It belongs to us. - My God.

1240. Mortimer, your brother's not well. We'd better call an ambulance.

1241. Fuck him! Now you listen to me. | want trading reopened, right now.

1242. Get those brokers back in here! Turn those machines back on!

1243. Turn those machines back on!

1244. You and your Nobel Prize, you idiot!

1245. Where's Beeks? Where in hell is Beeks?

1246. - Beeks! - Yeah, I forgot all about that guy.

1247. Okay, one male gorilla.

1248. Hey, wait a minute. There's two of them in that cage.

1249. One gorilla, two gorillas. Big deal.

1250. The whole bunch is getting sent back to Africa.

1251. It's a big scientific experiment.

1252. What do I know? Anyway, take a look, they're in love.

1253. - Hey, Coleman! - Yes?

1254. What shall we do about lunch? The lobster or the cracked crab?

1255. - What do you think? - Can't we have both?

1256. Why not?

1257. - Demitri. - Sir.

1258. - Lobster and cracked crab for everyone. - Extra primo good, Mr. Coleman, sir.

1259. Looking good, Billy Ray.

1260. Feeling good, Louis.