- 1. Your breakfast, sir.
- 2. Pork bellies!
- 3. I have a hunch something very exciting
- 4. is going to happen
in the pork belly market this morning.
- 5. Will Miss Penelope
be dining with you this evening, sir?
- 6. Yes. Yes, she will.
- 7. - Good morning, Mr Winthorpe.
- Good morning, Folsey.
- 8. - Good morning, Mr Winthorpe.
- Good morning.
- 9. - Good morning, Mr Winthorpe.
- 10. - Good morning, Mr Winthorpe.
- Good morning.
- 11. Good morning, Mr Winthorpe.
- 12. - Good morning, Mr Winthorpe.
- 13. - Good morning, Mr Winthorpe.
- Morning, Mr Winthorpe.
- 14. Good morning.
- 15. - Good morning, Mr Winthorpe.
- Good morning.
- 16. - Good morning, Mr Winthorpe.
- Good morning.
- 17. Pork bellies. I knew it. I knew it.
- 18. - Good morning, Mr Duke.
- Good morning, Mr Duke.
- 19. - Good morning, Mr Duke.
- Good morning, Mr Duke.
- 20. - Good morning, Mr Duke.
- Good morning, Mr Duke.
- 21. - Good morning, Mr Duke.
- Good morning, Mr Duke.
- 22. - Good morning, Mr Duke.
- Morning, Mr Duke.
- 23. Good morning, Mr Duke.
- 24. When do we sell?
- 25. I just cannot believe
how stupid these scientists are.
- 26. The eternal question! There is
no question. The answer's obvious.
- 27. I don't care about
heredity versus environment.
- 28. In fact, I'm sick and tired of hearing it.
- 29. I care about how much money
we get for our pork bellies.
- 30. Winthorpe put in a sell order for 76¼.
- 31. His charts say that's as high
as it's gonna go.
- 32. It'll never get that high. Let's sell now.
- 33. Patience, Mortimer.
Let's see if Winthorpe's right.
- 34. Winthorpe's wrong. It's topped out.
I say we sell now.
- 35. Just another few seconds.
- 36. The market's closing.
We won't get the order in.
- 37. We just made an extra $347,000.
- 38. Get me Winthorpe.
- 39. Well, of course I never had an instant
of doubt in my mind, Mortimer.
- 40. Oh, yes, I'm sure a lot of people
went belly-up on that one.
- 41. I'll see you at the club.
- 42. Good morning, Mr Duke.
- 43. Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
Thank you very much.
- 44. Vietnam did this to me,
but I'm not bitter. Thank you.
- 45. Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah?
Yeah, how you doing?
- 46. Spare a war veteran some change?
- 47. - I'm on my knees for life.
- I have no money to give you.
- 48. Please, anything.
- 49. A quarter, just a couple of dollars.
- 50. Anything, a quarter, a nickel, please.
- 51. Hey, man, I really don't appreciate this.
- 52. I don't care what it is,
spiked ham, anything, some crackers.
- 53. Thanks a lot. How you like
a stump up your ass?
- 54. - Stay outta here!
- You got a lot of soul. I appreciate it.
- 55. Listen to this.
"Expect this stagnation to continue,
- 56. until the Department
of Agriculture's January crop report."
- 57. Exactly as we thought, Randolph.
- 58. Wrong! Quite wrong. Untrue.
- 59. They've given this genetics fellow
the Nobel Prize.
- 60. A man that doesn't know
the first thing about human nature.
- 61. Randolph.
- 62. We're about to make millions
of dollars in frozen orange juice
- 63. and you're talking to me
about human nature.
- 64. - Money isn't everything, Mortimer.
- Oh, grow up.
- 65. Mother always said you were greedy.
- 66. She meant it as a compliment.
- 67. Ezra, right on time.
- 68. I bet you thought I'd forgotten
your Christmas bonus.
- 69. There you are.
- 70. Five dollars.
Maybe I'll go to the movies
- 71. by myself.
- 72. - Half of it is from me.
- Thank you, Mr Mortimer.
- 73. - Gentlemen.
- Looking good, Louis.
- 74. Feeling good, Todd.
- 75. We need a fourth for squash today, Louis.
Are you interested?
- 76. No can do. I'll be having dinner
with Penelope tonight.
- 77. - Oh, lucky you.
- It's not luck. Todd.
- 78. Randolph, Mortimer.
- 79. Winthorpe, my boy,
what have you got for us?
- 80. Well, it's that time of the month again.
- 81. Payroll checks for our employees,
which require your signatures.
- 82. And no forgetting to sign the big ones.
- 83. We seem to be paying some of
our employees an awful lot of money.
- 84. We can't get around
the old minimum wage, Mortimer.
- 85. $50,000 to Clarence Beeks.
- 86. Who the hell is—?
- 87. I meant to ask you about that.
- 88. I went through personnel records
- 89. and there doesn't seem to be a
Clarence Beeks employed with the firm.
- 90. Clarence Beeks. Oh, yes, of course.
- 91. - He's doing something top secret for us.
- 92. How is Penelope?
- 93. Never forget she's our grandniece.
You better make an honest woman of her.
- 94. Well, I'll certainly try, sir. Actually,
the wedding invitations go out this week.
- 95. Good. Good work, Winthorpe.
- 96. Don't worry about this, Winthorpe.
I'll take care of this one personally.
- 97. - Goodbye, Winthorpe.
- Goodbye, Winthorpe.
- 98. Winthorpe is a very steady young man.
- 99. We're lucky to have him
managing our firm for us.
- 100. Oh, hogwash. Exeter, Harvard -
he's the product of good environment.
- 101. It's got nothing to do with environment.
- 102. With his genes, you could put Winthorpe
anywhere and he'd come out on top.
- 103. Breeding, Randolph,
same as in race horses.
- 104. It's in the blood.
- 105. Hey, baby, what's happening?
How you doing?
- 106. Once you have a man with no legs,
you never go back, baby.
- 107. I know what you're thinking.
You seen Porgy And Bess?
- 108. We can make it, baby.
Me and you.
- 109. You bitch!
- 110. Who's that? Who's there?
What you want?
- 111. Police.
- 112. We've had some complaints about con
men pretending to be blind and crippled.
- 113. Love to help you,
but I ain't seen nothing
- 114. since I stepped on that landmine
in Viet Cong back in '72.
- 115. It was rough, very painful.
- 116. You were in 'Nam?
So were we. Where?
- 117. I was in Sang Bang... Dang Gong...
- 118. I was all over that place basically.
A lot of places.
- 119. What unit were you in?
- 120. I was with the Green Berets,
Special Unit Battalions...
- 121. Commando Airborne Tactics...
Specialist Tactics Unit Battalion.
- 122. Yeah, it was real hush-hush.
- 123. I was Agent Orange, that was my name.
Special Agent Orange, that was me.
- 124. Airborne, huh?
- 125. I can see! I can see!
I have... I have legs!
- 126. I have... Oh, shit, look at this.
Man! I can walk! Jesus!
- 127. Praise Jesus!
- 128. I appreciate this. Oh, this is beautiful.
I can't believe... Thank y'all.
- 129. I don't know what to do...
- 130. Glory be to God. Praise Jesus.
Look at me.
- 131. This is too much. I can't believe it.
- 132. You're beautiful! Listen!
I can't thank you.
- 133. First Moses, now this. God, Jesus...
Oh, thank you.
- 134. I'm so happy, oh, God.
Look at me, this is too much.
- 135. What a happy day! What a happy day!
- 136. Really, I appreciate it, y'all.
It's OK now. All right, look!
- 137. I can walk. It's j— I don't know what to say.
I'll be all right. Take it easy.
- 138. Y'all beautiful,
both of y'all, the two of you.
- 139. How are you doing?
- 140. - Oh, I'm sorry about that, man.
- Stop! Thief. Help, help!
- 141. - What you talking about, man?
- Don't shoot. Take it.
- 142. - Please don't kill me. I'm getting married.
- Hey, I don't want your bag, man.
- 143. Help! Help!
- 144. Help! Help!
- 145. Help!
- 146. He's in there. After him.
- 147. - Excuse me.
- Watch out. He probably has a weapon.
- 148. There he is.
Stop him. He has my briefcase.
- 149. Stop him, stop him.
- 150. He's inside. That boy's crazy!
- 151. Shit!
- 152. Get him. He's getting away.
- 153. There he is. That's him.
Get him, get him.
- 154. He's under the ta— Somebody go
under there. Somebody get down there.
- 155. - Right there, right there. There he is.
- I got him.
- 156. Is there a problem, officers?
- 157. What in heaven's name
is going on here?
- 158. He tried to rob the payroll.
He attacked me in broad daylight.
- 159. I didn't do nothing, man.
This guy bumped into me.
- 160. I did not. You knocked me down
and tried to grab my briefcase.
- 161. - Yeah, but it was an accident, man.
- An accident? Really?
- 162. - What's going to happen to this man?
- We're gonna book him, on assault,
- 163. attempted robbery,
and resisting arrest.
- 164. - Well done, Winthorpe.
- Hey, man, I'm innocent.
- 165. This guy bumped into me. I was trying
to give him his briefcase back to him.
- 166. I can't be going to jail 'cause some
asswipe ain't watching where he's going.
- 167. Officer, I would like to
press full charges.
- 168. People like this are a menace
to decent society.
- 169. You're from a broken home, of course?
- 170. Yeah, we was broke. So what?
- 171. You have a history of juvenile arrests,
- 172. Drug abuse, reform school,
state prisons and all that?
- 173. I ain't talking to this guy. I want a lawyer.
Is there a lawyer in the house?
- 174. That man is a product
of a poor environment.
- 175. There's absolutely nothing wrong
with him. I can prove it.
- 176. Of course
there's something wrong with him.
- 177. He's a Negro.
- 178. He's probably been stealing
since he could crawl.
- 179. Given the right surroundings
- 180. I'll bet that that man could run our company
as well as your young Winthorpe.
- 181. Are we talking about a wager,
- 182. I suppose you think Winthorpe,
say if he were to lose his job,
- 183. would resort to holding up
people on the streets?
- 184. No, I don't think just losing his job
would be enough for Winthorpe.
- 185. I think we'd have to heap
a little more misfortune
- 186. on those narrow shoulders.
- 187. If he lost his job and his home
and his fiancée and his friends.
- 188. If he were somehow disgraced
and arrested by the police
- 189. and thrown in jail even...
- 190. Yes, I'm sure he'd take to crime
like a fish to water.
- 191. You'd have to put him in the wrong
surroundings, of course,
- 192. with the worst sort of people.
- 193. I mean real scum, Randolph.
- 194. We've done it before.
- 195. This time it's in a good cause.
How much do you want to bet?
- 196. - The usual amount.
- Why not?
- 197. You're so brave, Louis.
- 198. Someone has to take a stand
against criminals like that.
- 199. But he could have killed you.
- 200. In such a situation, you have
no time to think - instinct takes over.
- 201. It's either kill or be killed.
- 202. Did Louis tell you what he did today?
- 203. Mr Louis was kind enough
- 204. to share this afternoon's excitement
with me, Miss Penelope.
- 205. You're so hot tempered, darling.
- 206. I would have groveled on the ground
and begged for mercy.
- 207. I want you Louis, now.
- 208. - Coleman.
- 209. I think we'll take our drinks
in the living room, by the fire.
- 210. - No dessert, sir?
- You have it.
- 211. Thank you, sir.
- 212. Hello.
- 213. Oh, hello, Mr Duke, sir.
- 214. A scientific experiment.
- 215. Well, not at all, sir, no I...
It all sounds very...
- 216. original.
- 217. Well, it's your house, sir,
and I work for you.
- 218. I shall make
the necessary arrangements.
- 219. And a very good night to you, sir.
- 220. What a scumbag.
- 221. Mumsie wants to have a party for us
right after New Year's.
- 222. January 2nd, is that good for you?
- 223. OK with me, hon.
Darn nice of her too.
- 224. Oh, heck. 2nd of January. Can't do it.
- 225. - Oh, Louis.
- It's the day the crop reports come out.
- 226. What do those stupid old crop reports
have to do with Mumsie's party?
- 227. It's the busiest time of the year
in the office, sugarpuff.
- 228. It's just not fair. Why can't you
make them do it another day?
- 229. Oh, no.
- 230. The Department of Agriculture gets those
estimates from all over the country.
- 231. Pork bellies, soybeans,
- 232. frozen orange juice.
- 233. I suppose I'll just have to
ask Todd to take me.
- 234. Now, wait just a minute. If you think
I'm going to let that playboy...
- 235. Just teasing, Winthorpe.
- 236. - You know something, Witherspoon?
- 237. We are going to make a great couple.
- 238. We're going to have a great life.
- 239. - Excuse me, sir.
- What is it now, Coleman?
- 240. Will you be needing me any more,
this evening, sir?
- 241. No, I think I have everything I want.
- 242. Good night, sir.
- 243. I had to keep him under surveillance, that's
why I'm wearing these bummy clothes.
- 244. See, I had to make sure he had
his payroll before I made my move.
- 245. - Tell us how you cut him.
- I ain't cut him with no knife, man.
- 246. - You told me last night you cut the dude.
- With these I cut him.
- 247. I am a chain belt in Kung Fu.
Bruce Lee was my teacher.
- 248. Watch this.
- 249. That's the "quart of blood" technique.
- 250. You do that, a quart of blood
will drop out a person's body.
- 251. - Tell how you beat on the cop.
- It wasn't no cop, man.
- 252. It was cops, plural. Nine, ten cops.
- 253. Beat the shit out of ten cops
and had to change my whole strategy.
- 254. Yo. When they brought you in here
and booked you,
- 255. you was crying like a pussy.
- 256. - Yeah.
- That's 'cause as one of the cops fell,
- 257. he threw tear gas in my face.
- 258. That's the kind of shit
they use on crowds.
- 259. And I still walked in here like a man,
so get outta my face.
- 260. I mean, you beating up on a man,
you putting a man in the hospital.
- 261. - How come I don't see no marks on you?
- 262. 'Cause I'm a karate man, all right?
- 263. Karate men bruise on the inside.
They don't show their weaknesses.
- 264. You don't know that 'cause you
a Barry White-looking motherfucker.
- 265. Now get off my back, all right?
- 266. I wish my bitches hurry up and get here.
I ain't got time to be sitting inside this cell.
- 267. Where is your bitches, Mr Big Time Pimp?
- 268. Yeah.
- 269. Didn't I tell you that the phone
in my limousine is busted
- 270. and I can't get in contact
with my bitches?
- 271. Yeah, the phone in the limo is busted.
What are you, ignorant?
- 272. - Hey, look, sit down, all right?
- It ain't cool being no jive turkey,
- 273. so close to Thanksgiving.
- 274. Hey, now...
- 275. You don't know what you're doing,
I can see that.
- 276. Do you know who you're fucking with?
Do you know who you're fucking with?
- 277. Back the fuck up, back up.
- 278. Do you know who you're fucking with
in cell number four on the ninth floor?
- 279. - Billy Ray Valentine?
- 280. Move it.
- 281. You made bail.
- 282. I did?
- 283. Come on.
- 284. - Come on.
- Why are you pulling?
- 285. What do you think, you're crazy?
- 286. You don't know who you're
messing with, boy. Just stay still.
- 287. - May I suggest using a night stick, officer?
- Get outta here.
- 288. Mr Valentine.
- 289. Could you spare us a moment?
- 290. - Hey, man, don't I know you two guys?
- Step inside, nice and warm in here.
- 291. Whiskey, all you want.
- 292. Hey, look, man,
I ain't falling for the same trick twice.
- 293. What, you get me in the car and
have me arrested for stealing it?
- 294. Why should we do that, Mr Valentine?
We're the ones who bailed you out.
- 295. - Who are y'all? What y'all want with me?
- We want to help you, Mr Valentine.
- 296. My brother and I run
a privately funded program,
- 297. to rehabilitate
culturally disadvantaged people.
- 298. We'd like to supply you
with a home of your own, a car,
- 299. a generous bank account,
and employment with our company.
- 300. We're going to start you
at $80,000 a year.
- 301. $80,000?
- 302. Excuse me.
- 303. This is a practical joke,
- 304. Then these dudes
a couple of faggots then, huh?
- 305. Well, what's my next move, man?
- 306. Thank you, you've been helpful.
- 307. - What about the police and the payroll?
- We've had the charges dropped.
- 308. You're a free man, Valentine.
- 309. We can stop right now
and you can walk out on us forever.
- 310. No. No, I believe I can hang out
with you fellas for a little while.
- 311. Excellent. I'm Randolph Duke.
- 312. How you doing, Randy?
- 313. - My younger brother, Mortimer.
- Hey, Morty! What it is.
- 314. Billy Ray Valentine, Capricorn.
- 315. Randy. That's like Randy Jackson
from the Jackson Five, right?
- 316. - Yes. Yes, I suppose so.
- 317. Here we are, William.
- 318. How you doing?
- 319. Hey, Randy, Morty.
This is nice, I like this.
- 320. - William...
- Billy Ray.
- 321. William, this is Coleman.
He'll look after your day-to-day needs.
- 322. Can I relieve you of those, sir?
- 323. You get a glass, I'll give you a sip, man.
- 324. - Perhaps your coat, sir?
- Yes, this is my coat.
- 325. Coleman is here to take care of you.
He is your servant.
- 326. - May I take it?
- Get out of here, man.
- 327. Valentine very badly wants to take a hot
bath and get into something comfortable.
- 328. Don't you, Valentine?
- 329. Jacuzzi, sir?
- 330. See, man, I knew y'all was faggots.
You ain't Jacuzzying nobody.
- 331. It's a whirlpool bath, sir.
I think you'll enjoy it.
- 332. Hey. Bubbles, man!
- 333. Say, man, when I was growing up, we
want a Jacuzzi, we had to fart in the tub!
- 334. This is bad.
- 335. When you think of love
Do your heart beat fast?
- 336. Come on.
- 337. When you think of love
- 338. - What's he doing in there?
- He's singing, sir.
- 339. They're very musical people,
- 340. - What shall I do with his clothes, sir?
- Send them to the laundry.
- 341. He'll have to have something to wear
back to the ghetto, after I've won our bet.
- 342. - Well, William, what do you think?
- I like it, Randy. It's very nice.
- 343. I like the way you got
the mirrors and stuff.
- 344. That's very pretty. I like that.
- 345. - I don't think he understands, Randolph.
- Oh, but Morty, I do understand.
- 346. - William, this is your home.
- 347. - Right.
- It belongs to you.
- 348. All this is mine.
I like my home. It's very nice.
- 349. - I have very nice taste in houses.
- Everything you see in this room is yours.
- 350. - This is my stuff.
- Your own personal property.
- 351. - My own personal shit.
- You understand?
- 352. This is mine. Yeah, I like that.
- 353. You know what I like most
about my place? The curtains.
- 354. Look at them. It's beautiful
the way I got this place set up.
- 355. This is something else. I like it.
The cabinets and whatnot.
- 356. Beautiful. I suppose you're gonna
just give me this TV set for free?
- 357. - That's right.
- Everything in here's mine?
- 358. - I guess the stereo is mine free too?
- 359. This is too much for me. I could
really dig this, Randy. You know why?
- 360. This kind of thing
happens to me every week.
- 361. This is your house.
- 362. These are your personal possessions.
- 363. You will only be stealing from yourself.
- 364. Look, first you throw my ass in jail, right?
- 365. Then you gonna drive me here, run
some garbage about this is my house,
- 366. this is my personal rug and then you
gonna tell me this is my personal slave too.
- 367. I understand how you feel, William,
but the fact remains, all this is yours.
- 368. You may do with it whatever you wish.
- 369. This is my stuff and my place, huh?
I can do what I want with this stuff, right?
- 370. This is my vase here, right?
This is Billy Ray's vase, right?
- 371. I own this vase and I can play
Harlem Globetrotters shit with it.
- 372. Okay, you want Meadow Lemon shit,
- 373. - Hey, man, I'm sorry about that.
- Perfectly all right, it was your vase.
- 374. That was a cheap vase.
Man, that was a fake, right?
- 375. I think we paid $35,000 for it.
- 376. But I seem to remember we estimated
its value at $50,000 for the insurance.
- 377. You see, Mortimer? William has
already made us a profit of $15,000.
- 378. Want me to break something else?
- 379. No.
- 380. Excuse me.
- 381. I just hope we're not pushing our luck,
using Mr Beeks for this and the crop report.
- 382. We are involved in a very important
scientific experiment, Mortimer,
- 383. and Mr Beeks
has always proven reliable.
- 384. Excuse me. Sorry.
- 385. Hello, Todd. Gents.
- 386. Gentlemen. There is something
rotten in the Heritage Club.
- 387. Something that has
never raised its vile head
- 388. in the 208 years of the club's history.
- 389. There is a thief,
and he's sitting here among us.
- 390. Not an ordinary thief like the man
Winthorpe had the guts to stand up to.
- 391. No, this man is a hundred times lower.
- 392. I'd like to introduce Mr Beeks
of Lyndhurst Security.
- 393. Thank you. I'd like to ask
you gentlemen to all stand up.
- 394. I'd like to ask you to place
your left hand on the shoulder
- 395. of the man to your left.
- 396. I would now ask you
to place your right hand
- 397. in the coat pocket
of the member to your right.
- 398. And empty the contents
of those pockets onto the table.
- 399. Thank you.
- 400. You may sit.
- 401. We marked three $50 bills
with red Xs.
- 402. Less than ten minutes ago
- 403. those bills were stolen
from a coat in the cloakroom.
- 404. One of our operatives
witnessed the theft.
- 405. Now, wait a minute. I've never seen
this money before in my life.
- 406. Randolph, Mortimer, this is outrageous.
- 407. What are you doing?
I haven't done anything wrong.
- 408. Oh, Winthorpe. I'm glad
your parents are not alive to see this.
- 409. What? What? Now, wait, this is
totally preposterous. This is insane.
- 410. I have no reason to steal.
Now, wait, I'm not a thief.
- 411. I demand a fair hearing.
You can at least grant me that.
- 412. Someone planted that stuff on me.
- 413. You realize you're making
a grave mistake.
- 414. Boy, are you two going to be sorry.
Do you know who I am?
- 415. Yeah, Winthorpe Louis III.
- 416. I know, I know. I'm permitted
two phone calls. Point me to the phone.
- 417. - Take off your clothes.
- Now, wait a minute. I know my rights.
- 418. Take off your clothes.
- 419. You are making a career decision here.
Now, you'd better think about it
- 420. because it's something you're going to
have to live with for the rest of your life.
- 421. Strip, you little shit,
before I tear you a new asshole.
- 422. Did you hear what this man said to me?
- 423. Now, I have witnesses.
This man is physically threatening me.
- 424. Winthorpe. Louis III.
- 425. All right.
- 426. One gold watch.
- 427. One alligator skin wallet.
- 428. Master Charge,
American Express... Gold Card.
- 429. Visa, Diner's Club, Carte Blanche.
- 430. Two tickets...
- 431. - La Bo-heem.
- La Bohème. It's an opera.
- 432. It's an opera.
- 433. - One cellophane bag.
- That's not mine.
- 434. I've never seen that before in my life.
- 435. That's PCP - phencyclidine.
- 436. You ever seen
what this stuff does to kids?
- 437. You're looking at three to five,
- 438. What's happening, Terry? Gimme
a bottle of your best champagne.
- 439. You got a lot of nerve showing your face
around here after all this time.
- 440. Look, man, I got your money.
- 441. I got your poor... measly... $27...
- 442. with interest.
- 443. Billy Ray, honey. Is that you?
- 444. Who you think it is?
Terence, give the lady some champagne.
- 445. In fact, champagne for everybody,
courtesy of Billy Ray Valentine.
- 446. All right!
- 447. Billy!
- 448. - A toast to Billy Ray, huh?
- A toast to Billy Ray.
- 449. Well, I'm a sexy man. I'm very sexy.
- 450. People will come and say,
"Billy Ray, you're so sexy,"
- 451. - and not understand my sexuality.
- I know.
- 452. And I'm a very sexy m—
- 453. You was in the tank last night,
braggin' on your limousine.
- 454. You're the motherfucker
I was gonna carve.
- 455. Yeah.
- 456. Motherfucker?
- 457. That just happens to be my limousine
outside. Why don't you go take a look at it?
- 458. Right outside?
- 459. Yeah.
- 460. - You took care of him, baby.
- I was gonna kick his ass.
- 461. I should've kicked it,
but I'm a peaceful man.
- 462. Look, ladies, it's about time for me
to get home,
- 463. but if any of you ladies want to
drop by my house for cocktails,
- 464. - there's plenty of room in my limousine.
- 465. Come on, everybody.
- 466. - You're looking so fine, Billy Ray.
- Thank you very much.
- 467. Hey, yo, coz. You gonna vomit,
the bathroom's downstairs.
- 468. No, it's downstairs, man!
- 469. Shit!
- 470. Hey! Hey! Hey!
- 471. That's a Persian rug from Persia.
It's from Persia.
- 472. Hey. Hey. Hey, what is this?
What is this shit here?
- 473. Hold up! Hey, who's been
putting out their Kools on my floor?
- 474. Who has been putting out
their Kools on my floor?
- 475. Hey! Hey! Hey! Have you people
ever heard of coasters?
- 476. Would you like me to prepare some
more hors d'oeuvres for the guests, sir?
- 477. Fuck them.
- 478. Hey, Coleman. There was more people
here before, where'd they go?
- 479. I believe some of them
have adjourned upstairs, sir.
- 480. To my bedroom?
- 481. I've been waiting for you, Billy Ray.
- 482. Put your clothes on and get out of here.
- 483. Yeah, that's my girl, right over there.
- 484. Can I have everybody's
- 485. Hey. Can I have everybody's
- 486. - Hey.
- Hey, man.
- 487. Get the fuck out!
- 488. Good night, madam.
- 489. Good night, sir.
- 490. Good night, madam.
I hope you enjoyed it.
- 491. Thank you.
- 492. It was a stone groove, my man.
You are the most righteous...
- 493. Yeah, right. Just get the fuck out, man.
Let's go. Shit. Come on.
- 494. Hurry up.
- 495. And be quiet out there. My neighbors
are asleep, they work too.
- 496. Your friends seemed to enjoy themselves,
sir. I thought it was a great success.
- 497. They wasn't no friends of mine, Coleman.
- 498. It was a bunch of freeloaders, treating
my house like it was a goddamn zoo.
- 499. Why don't you retire, sir?
And I'll straighten up.
- 500. You've got a big day
ahead of you tomorrow.
- 501. Yeah, yeah, I think I will...
- 502. retire.
- 503. Good night, Coleman. Thanks, man.
- 504. Good night, sir.
- 505. Let's go, Winthorpe.
- 506. - Excuse me.
- I'll see you later, we'll have lunch.
- 507. How would you like
to make a fast hundred?
- 508. I just got out.
- 509. Come on, what are you trying to do,
entrap me here in the police department?
- 510. - You guys must be getting desperate.
- No, no, no, this is for...
- 511. - Is that your purse?
- 512. That's a nice purse.
- 513. Thank you.
- 514. Darling, I'm so glad to see you.
- 515. Louis, you're making a scene.
- 516. The good news is I'm innocent.
I've never even done
- 517. anything vaguely resembling this.
Really, it's the truth.
- 518. Louis, you look awful. I'm so ashamed.
- 519. Those clothes and those shoes and...
- 520. And you've been fighting
and you smell.
- 521. I smell?
- 522. Penelope, do you realize
where I've been since yesterday?
- 523. They beat me up and stole my clothes.
- 524. Those men wanted to have sex with me!
- 525. - Can we discuss this somewhere else?
- One of them tried to bend me over this...
- 526. If this place is indicative of the state of
correctional institutions in this country,
- 527. they might as well let all the convicts out.
It's far worse on the inside.
- 528. Stealing from your friends
at the club, Louis?
- 529. Heroin, Louis?
Have you lost your mind?
- 530. Mother wants me to call off the wedding
and so does Todd.
- 531. Todd? What does Todd
have to do with it?
- 532. You've been fired from Duke & Duke.
They're charging you with embezzlement.
- 533. Embezzlement?
I've never stolen anything in my life.
- 534. How could the man I loved, whose children
I wanted to have and breast-feed,
- 535. be a heroin dealer?
- 536. It wasn't heroin,
it was angel dust, PCP and—
- 537. Listen, Penelope,
I swear to you, on my honor,
- 538. with almighty God as my witness,
I am not an angel dust dealer.
- 539. Oh, Louis.
- 540. I've been looking everywhere
for you, baby. Listen, Louis.
- 541. - Would you please...?
- I'm hurting, baby. I just need a shot.
- 542. Louis.
- 543. - Who is this person?
- I've never seen this woman before.
- 544. Don't say that, Louis.
- 545. Come on baby, just a dime bag.
I'll do all those things you like.
- 546. Shame!
- 547. You lying... filthy... disgusting... creep.
- 548. Todd was right about you.
- 549. I never want to see you again
as long as I live!
- 550. Grand! Great! Thanks a lot.
- 551. It was a joke.
- 552. Your friend said it would get you off.
- 553. - Someone told you to do this to me?
- Yeah, and he paid me $100 too.
- 554. He's right over there.
- 555. So let me get this straight.
I'm gonna give you 20 for the cab,
- 556. and you're gonna give me 50
when we get to your house?
- 557. That is correct,
my butler Coleman will give you $50,
- 558. and drive you anywhere in the city
you wish to go.
- 559. You don't exactly look like
the type that has a butler.
- 560. You know, if you're hustling me...
- 561. Hustling you? Hustling you?
- 562. You don't think they give these
to just anyone, do you?
- 563. I can charge goods and services
in over 86 countries around the world.
- 564. Yeah? Well I don't take credit cards.
- 565. You'll see what a mistake
all this was.
- 566. Yes?
- 567. Coleman. Could you please let me in?
I'm having trouble with my key.
- 568. Who are you? What do you want?
- 569. Coleman, just unchain the door
and let me in. I'm in no mood for jokes.
- 570. Coleman? There's no Coleman here.
You've made a mistake.
- 571. Excuse me, for a moment.
- 572. Coleman! Let me in!
- 573. If you don't go away,
I shall be forced to call the police.
- 574. Hello. I'll be making a cash withdrawal
in the amount of $500.
- 575. Well, in fact, we'll make it $1,000.
- 576. Excuse me.
- 577. I'm sorry, Mr Winthorpe,
but the IRS has frozen your accounts.
- 578. What are you talking about?
You know me.
- 579. You're a heroin dealer, Mr Winthorpe.
- 580. It wasn't heroin, it was angel dust, PCP,
and I never even had my hands on it.
- 581. Regardless, it's not the kind of business
we want here at First National.
- 582. May I see your credit cards please?
- 583. - I've been ordered to repossess them.
- 584. Now wait a minute,
what am I supposed to live on?
- 585. I mean, what's going to happen to me?
- 586. Roger.
- 587. Why is someone deliberately
trying to ruin my life?
- 588. Tell you what.
Forget about the $50, OK?
- 589. I'm just real tired. I'm going home.
- 590. You've got to believe me.
You must believe me.
- 591. I have been framed.
You can't just leave me here.
- 592. I got enough problems, Louis.
- 593. Come on, come on.
- 594. Listen! Wait! Wait!
- 595. I have over $150,000 in that bank.
- 596. But you don't care because
you helped them do this to me.
- 597. Get off your knees, Louis.
- 598. Give me your hand.
- 599. Soft hands.
- 600. And a manicure. You never done
a hard day's work in your life, have you?
- 601. I'm gonna regret this,
but... come on.
- 602. Get in.
- 603. I'm going to get to the bottom of this.
There's been a grave, grave mistake.
- 604. Hey, that look just like
the dude that had me busted.
- 605. Sir?
- 606. Right there,
he look just like the motherf—
- 607. I mean, he looks just like
the gentleman that had me busted.
- 608. - To whom are you referring, sir?
- Right there! The dude right over there.
- 609. A big mistake. I'm gonna find...
- 610. - Right over there.
- That's my car. Coleman!
- 611. Coleman, that's my car!
- 612. That's my car! That's my driver!
- 613. There's some strange shit
going on here, Coleman.
- 614. You don't want to be late
for your first day at work, sir.
- 615. Man, what am I supposed to do in here?
What they want from me?
- 616. I'm sure they'll tell you, sir.
- 617. - Yeah, what if I can't do it?
- Just be yourself, sir.
- 618. Whatever happens,
they can't take that away from you.
- 619. - Excuse me, my name is—
- Yes, Mr Valentine.
- 620. They're waiting for you in the last office
down the hall.
- 621. William, my boy. Right on time.
- 622. Come in, come in.
- 623. Sit down.
- 624. No thanks, guys.
I already had breakfast this morning.
- 625. This is not a meal, Valentine.
- 626. We are here to try to explain to you
what it is we do here.
- 627. We are commodities brokers,
- 628. Now, what are commodities?
- 629. Commodities are
- 630. Like coffee,
that you had for breakfast.
- 631. Wheat,
which is used to make bread.
- 632. Pork bellies,
which is used to make bacon,
- 633. which you might find in a bacon,
and lettuce and tomato sandwich.
- 634. Then there are other commodities
like frozen orange juice and gold.
- 635. Though, of course, gold
doesn't grow on trees like oranges.
- 636. - Clear so far?
- 637. Good, William. Now,
some of our clients are speculating
- 638. that the price of gold
will rise in the future.
- 639. And we have other clients
who are speculating
- 640. that the price of gold is going to fall.
- 641. They've placed
their orders with us,
- 642. and we buy or sell
their gold for them.
- 643. Tell him the good part.
- 644. The good part, William, is,
- 645. that no matter whether our clients
make money or lose money,
- 646. Duke & Duke get the commissions.
- 647. Well, what do you think, Valentine?
- 648. Well, it sounds to me like you guys
are a couple of bookies.
- 649. I told you he'd understand.
- 650. It doesn't take a genius
to figure out what happened.
- 651. It's the same guy who tried
to rob the payroll.
- 652. No doubt about it, that's him.
- 653. He planted the drugs on me.
- 654. Rachim, Mohammed, Larry.
How you guys doing?
- 655. - Hey, how you doing?
- 656. You know those people?
- 657. He was wearing my Harvard tie.
- 658. Can you believe it? My Harvard tie.
Like, oh sure, he went to Harvard.
- 659. I mean, if he's being driven around
in my car,
- 660. he could actually be living in my house.
- 661. Maybe he's even taken my job.
- 662. for all I know, right at this moment,
he could be fondling my fiancée.
- 663. And Coleman.
After years of service, this betrayal.
- 664. I don't understand it.
- 665. But there's going to be retribution.
Oh, he's going to pay.
- 666. - The things that I am going—
- Shut up, Louis.
- 667. Listen, taxis cost money, food costs
money and rent costs money.
- 668. Now, you want me to help you out,
I expect a lot in return.
- 669. These were here when I moved in.
Put 'em on if you want.
- 670. Look, I cannot begin to tell you
how much I appreciate this...
- 671. - Ophelia.
- Ophelia, you realize that's the name—
- 672. I know, I know, I know. Hamlet's girlfriend.
He went crazy, she killed herself.
- 673. This is not Shakespeare, Louis.
- 674. Look, I'm 24. I'm from a small, miserable
mining town you probably never heard of.
- 675. The only thing I got going for me
in this whole big wide world is this body,
- 676. this face, and what I got up here.
- 677. I don't do drugs.
I don't have a pimp.
- 678. This place is a dump, but
it's cheap, it's clean and it's all mine.
- 679. I've saved 42 grand
and it's in T-Bills earning interest.
- 680. I figure I got three more years on my back,
I'll have enough to retire on.
- 681. You're a prostitute?
- 682. I'm talking about
a business proposition, Louis.
- 683. I help you get yourself back on your feet
and you pay me, in cash, five figures.
- 684. That's the deal
and it's not subject to negotiation.
- 685. Understood?
- 686. By the way, food and rent are not the
only things around here that cost money.
- 687. You sleep on the couch.
- 688. It's hit rock bottom.
Come on, let's buy.
- 689. Mortimer Duke here. Buy 200
May belly contracts at 66.8.
- 690. - Put it on my personal account.
- That's a big mistake, man.
- 691. Valentine, something very important
is going on here. Just watch.
- 692. All right, but y'all gonna
get reamed on this one.
- 693. - Well, why shouldn't we buy now?
- Price is going to keep going down.
- 694. Randolph, this isn't
Monopoly money we're playing with.
- 695. This is Randolph Duke.
Hold that belly order a moment.
- 696. Tell me just why you think the price
of pork bellies is going down, William.
- 697. - It's Christmas time. Everybody's uptight.
- Could we please buy now, Randolph?
- 698. - If you want to lose money, go ahead.
- What are you trying to say, William?
- 699. OK, pork belly prices have
been dropping all morning.
- 700. Which means everybody's sitting,
waiting for them to hit rock bottom
- 701. so they can buy cheap and go long.
- 702. The people that own pork belly contracts
are going bat-shit, they're thinking,
- 703. "Hey, we're losing all our damn money.
And Christmas is around the corner.
- 704. And I ain't gonna have no money to buy
my son the GI Joe with the kung fu grip.
- 705. And my wife ain't gonna wanna f—
- 706. My wife won't make love to me
'cause I ain't got no money."
- 707. So they sitting there and they panicking,
screaming, "Sell, sell."
- 708. They don't want to lose all their money.
- 709. They out there panicking right now,
I can feel it. They out there.
- 710. They're panicking. Look at them.
- 711. He's right, Mortimer.
My God, look at it.
- 712. I'd wait till you get to about 64,
then I'd buy.
- 713. You'll have cleared out
all the suckers by then.
- 714. Do you realize how much money
he just saved us?
- 715. Money isn't everything, Randolph.
- 716. Advise our clients
interested in bellies to buy at 64.
- 717. Mr Valentine has set the price.
- 718. Well done, William.
Very well done.
- 719. Come on, Randolph,
we're gonna be late.
- 720. Yo! Mortimer dropped
his money clip.
- 721. - You can count it, it's all there. All of it.
- Thank you, William.
- 722. - It's all there, man. Count it.
- I'm sure it is, William. Thank you.
- 723. And keep up the good work.
- 724. All right, Randy. All right.
- 725. Nice try, Mortimer.
- 726. Zeta Kai
- 727. Zeta Kai, my friend
- 728. Neath the elms we sing our tomes
- 729. We're brothers to the end
- 730. Muffy in the bathroom stall
Margaret by the lake
- 731. Susan down in Whixley Hall
Constance on the make
- 732. Constance Fry, Constance Fry
- 733. Anytime you'd call
- 734. Constance would fulfill your needs
- 735. Winter, spring or fall
- 736. What do you think, huh?
- 737. That was great,
that was really great.
- 738. —and she stepped on the ball.
- 739. Oh, my God, I don't believe it.
- 740. - There you are.
- I think I'm going to be sick.
- 741. Don't worry,
I'll handle this, pookums.
- 742. Todd, Harry, Andrew, Philip.
- 743. I realize this looks completely awful,
but I just wanted to assure you,
- 744. my friends,
that I am completely innocent.
- 745. I'm going to fight this thing till the end.
Someone is out to get me and I know who.
- 746. The important thing is
that I can rely on you, my friends,
- 747. as character witnesses.
- 748. I'm going to be defending myself,
- 749. and well, I wondered
if you could see your way clear
- 750. to perhaps advance me
a small loan until the hearing.
- 751. Frankly, Winthorpe,
and I think I speak for all of us,
- 752. I think it shows incredibly bad taste
for you to embarrass us all like this.
- 753. I believe I'm still a member of this club.
- 754. Nobody wants to buy your drugs here,
Louis. Why don't you just go away?
- 755. Burnt my fingers, man.
- 756. I beg your pardon.
- 757. Man, that watch is so hot,
- 758. Hot?
Do you mean to imply, stolen?
- 759. - I'll give you 50 bucks for it.
- 50 bucks!
- 760. No, no, no, this is a Rochefoucauld, the
world's thinnest water-resistant watch.
- 761. Singularly unique,
sculptured in design,
- 762. hand crafted in Switzerland and
water-resistant to three atmospheres.
- 763. This is the sports watch
of the '80s. $6,955 retail.
- 764. You got a receipt?
- 765. It tells time simultaneously
in Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills,
- 766. London, Paris,
Rome and Gstaad.
- 767. In Philadelphia
it's worth 50 bucks.
- 768. Just give me the money.
- 769. How much for the gun?
- 770. So, this snail is standing in front
of the Cadillac salesman, see,
- 771. and he looks up at the salesman and
he says, "How much is that Cadillac?"
- 772. The snail said, "I want a big S
put on each door, a big S.
- 773. And on top of the car, I want another
big S, so everybody can see it."
- 774. The salesman says,
"What do you want that for?"
- 775. He says, "Well, you see, when I drive
down the avenue, I want everybody to say,
- 776. 'Look at that S-car go.'"
- 777. "Look at that S-car go."
- 778. I'm considering going long on April
wheat. What do you think, Valentine?
- 779. I can think of three real good reasons
why you shouldn't do something like that.
- 780. One, the Russian wheat harvest won't
be as bad as everybody thinks. And two...
- 781. And three, judging by all these jewels
around your girlfriend's neck here,
- 782. I think you're going to need every penny
you got just to keep her happy.
- 783. 103.
That's it, you're staying in bed.
- 784. The man has moved into my house,
he's stolen my job, I have to do something.
- 785. Stay here.
- 786. It's ten o'clock - here's Johnny.
- 787. Listen, baby, I'm sorry. My momma
just came in from outta town.
- 788. Can we do it next week?
- 789. Flowers for me?
- 790. Thanks.
- 791. - What are you doing?
- You've got company.
- 792. Business is business. I'll go for a walk.
- 793. - The fresh air will do me good.
- Lay down.
- 794. I'm sorry you had to cancel
- 795. What are you doing?
- 796. Ophelia, I can't tell you
how good that feels.
- 797. You've been so kind to me.
- 798. I'm just protecting my investment.
- 799. Shut up and go to sleep.
- 800. 99 and a half. You're not getting
out of bed, though, until it's normal.
- 801. I feel fine
and I've inconvenienced you enough.
- 802. You have work to do and so do I.
- 803. Nobody works on Christmas Eve.
- 804. I'm gonna go shopping. And then I'll
come back and make you a nice dinner.
- 805. Now, read your paper.
- 806. Christmas, huh?
- 807. I'll give him a Christmas
present he'll never forget!
- 808. William, where have you been?
The party's already begun.
- 809. I have some work to finish, Mr Duke.
- 810. It's Christmas Eve and William
wants to keep working, Mortimer.
- 811. I'll think of you in Stockholm
when I accept the Nobel Prize.
- 812. The wager has two parts as I recall.
- 813. Something about a second party
turning to crime.
- 814. Didn't you say you had
some work to do, Valentine?
- 815. Yes, sir. I was wondering about this
$10,000 check to Mr Clarence Beeks.
- 816. I'll take care of it, Valentine.
- 817. I don't seem to recall any Clarence Beeks
working for the firm, Mr Duke.
- 818. It was before you joined us, Valentine.
- 819. We did manage to stay in business
for 47 years before your arrival.
- 820. Have a drink, William.
- 821. - Merry Christmas, Mr Duke.
- 822. - Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
- 823. Ho, ho, ho!
- 824. Just what do you think you're doing?
- 825. Randolph, Mortimer, come in here
quickly, I've finally caught him.
- 826. - Who are you?
- I've caught him red-handed.
- 827. Winthorpe, is that you?
- 828. I'm making a citizen's arrest.
This man is a drug dealer.
- 829. Look, look, here in his office drawer,
he's got all the bad drugs here.
- 830. Marijuana joints, pills, Quaaludes,
- 831. Valium, yellow ones, red ones,
cocaine grinder, drug needles.
- 832. He's the pusher, not me.
- 833. I just came in and caught this man
planting this stuff in my desk.
- 834. It's obviously some primitive
attempt to try to frame me.
- 835. Frame you? Boy, if that isn't
the pot calling the kettle black.
- 836. This man's obviously a lunatic.
I'm calling security.
- 837. Put that phone down.
- 838. Hello, security...
- 839. You tried to rob me, plant drugs on me.
- 840. You steal my house, my car, my job.
You know, I ought to kill him right now.
- 841. Hey, look, man,
this is a big misunderstanding.
- 842. I don't know nothing about your house,
car and job.
- 843. Could you put the gun away?
Ask the Dukes.
- 844. Put that gun away at once, Winthorpe.
Have you lost your mind?
- 845. Freeze, slimeball.
- 846. I realize this whole experience must
have been rather unsettling for you.
- 847. Winthorpe, don't leave.
We can explain.
- 848. Yeah, you'll be sorry.
- 849. You'll all be very, very sorry.
- 850. Poor, deluded creature.
We caught him pilfering at our club,
- 851. embezzling funds, selling drugs.
- 852. Now he's dressing up like Santa Claus.
- 853. A very sordid business.
- 854. I can't believe Winthorpe
would fall to pieces like that.
- 855. That guy belongs behind bars.
- 856. - He's unemployed, Valentine.
- It's no excuse, Mortimer.
- 857. He's flat broke, obviously hungry.
- 858. Oh, but he has money to buy drugs, right?
- 859. Listen, you can't be soft on people
like that. Take it from me, I know.
- 860. Pay up, Mortimer, I've won the bet.
- 861. Here, one dollar.
- 862. We took a perfectly useless
psychopath like Valentine,
- 863. and turned him
into a successful executive.
- 864. And during the same time,
- 865. we turned an honest,
- 866. into a violently deranged,
- 867. Now, what are we going to do
about taking Winthorpe back
- 868. and returning Valentine to the ghetto?
- 869. I don't want Winthorpe back
after what he's done.
- 870. You mean keep Valentine on
as Managing Director?
- 871. Do you really believe I would have
a nigger run our family business?
- 872. Of course not. Neither would I.
- 873. I do think we should hold off
on switching them back, though,
- 874. until we get that crop report,
New Year's Eve. Don't you?
- 875. Absolutely, no sense
rocking the boat until then.
- 876. If Mr Beeks does
what we paid him to do,
- 877. we should have
a very happy New Year.
- 878. Indeed.
- 879. Hey, Winthorpe! Winthorpe!
- 880. Hey!
- 881. Hey, Winthorpe.
Hey, yo, Winthorpe!
- 882. Winthorpe. Yo!
- 883. Sorry about that.
- 884. Yo! Yo!
- 885. Hey, taxi!
- 886. Hi, Louis. Merry Christmas.
- 887. Louis. Louis, when you get out
I have a big surprise for you.
- 888. Excuse me. The door was open.
- 889. I'm sorry to bother you, but
I'm looking for a Louis Winthorpe.
- 890. - Does he live here?
- Wait here a minute, I'll be right back.
- 891. Louis, Louis. It's him. It's Valentine.
- 892. Louis... Louis?
- 893. Louis.
- 894. It was close, but he's going to be all right.
- 895. Now, make sure he gets plenty of rest.
And for God's sake, no excitement.
- 896. - Thanks, doc. Merry Christmas.
- Not at all.
- 897. Merry Christmas to you.
I'll let myself out, Coleman.
- 898. - Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
- 899. It was a dream.
I dreamt the whole thing.
- 900. It was just a bad dream.
- 901. Good morning, sir. Merry Christmas.
- 902. Coleman, I've had
the most absurd nightmare.
- 903. I was poor and no one liked me.
I lost my job, I lost my house.
- 904. Penelope hated me.
- 905. It was all because
of this terrible, awful Negro.
- 906. - Oh, dear!
- It was the Dukes. It was the Dukes.
- 907. - You're a dead man, Valentine!
- Don't do it.
- 908. It was an experiment.
They used us as guinea pigs, man.
- 909. The Dukes used us as guinea pigs.
- 910. To see how our lives would turn out.
They made a bet.
- 911. - I'm afraid it's true, sir.
- I believe him, Louis.
- 912. The Dukes ruined my life over a bet?
- 913. For how much?
- 914. A dollar.
- 915. One dollar.
- 916. Fine, that's the way they want it.
- 917. No problem.
- 918. You can't just go around and shoot people
with a double-barreled shotgun
- 919. 'cause you're pissed at them.
- 920. Why not?
- 921. It's called assault with a deadly weapon.
You get 20 years for that shit.
- 922. Listen, do you have any better ideas?
- 923. Yeah, you know, it occurs to me that
the best way you hurt rich people
- 924. is by turning 'em into poor people.
- 925. You have to admit, sir,
you didn't like it yourself a bit.
- 926. And now for the news.
- 927. Under heavy security, the crop estimates
for next year's orange crop
- 928. are being delivered from Miami
- 929. to the Department of Agriculture
in Washington DC.
- 930. Louis. Louis, that's him, the guy
who paid me to talk dirty to you.
- 931. In charge of security is Mr Clarence
Beeks, head of Lyndhurst Security.
- 932. - Clarence Beeks?
- Clarence Beeks?
- 933. The Dukes just gave that guy 10 grand.
- 934. Ten grand? I saw an outlay in the payroll
to him for 50,000.
- 935. Mortimer said it was for research.
- 936. Research, so he can get his hands
- 937. on that top secret crop report
two days before it goes public.
- 938. My God, the Dukes are going to corner
the entire frozen orange juice market.
- 939. - Unless somebody stops them.
- Or beats them to it.
- 940. Eggnog?
- 941. Duke & Duke,
may I ask who's calling?
- 942. Duke & Duke, I'm afraid he's busy.
Can you hold, please?
- 943. May I help you? Just a moment,
Mr Beeks, I'll put you right through.
- 944. Operation Strange Fruit
proceeding according to plan.
- 945. I anticipate penetration and acquisition
at 21:00 tomorrow. Hold on.
- 946. Fuck off.
- 947. - When can we expect delivery?
- I will be leaving DC by train.
- 948. Will rendezvous at 24:00.
- 949. The Hilton Hotel,
parking level D, section 4.
- 950. - That's the orange section.
- Orange, I like that. Very good.
- 951. The final payment
is due on delivery, in cash.
- 952. - Hey, man.
- Jesus, hey!
- 953. Happy New Year!
- 954. - Ever make it with an ape?
- Haven't you had enough drink?
- 955. Are you kidding?
It's not even New Year's Eve.
- 956. Come on, kiss this beautiful ape.
- 957. Come on, give me a little.
Come on, just a little.
- 958. Harrisburg Express.
- 959. Stairway C...
- 960. - What?
- It's my turn to drive.
- 961. - No, it isn't.
- Yes, it is.
- 962. - Well, I'm sure you think it is, but it isn't.
- No, don't you remember?
- 963. This morning you drove the shipment
of anchovy paste.
- 964. Yeah, I drove the anchovy paste,
- 965. but you had the video tape
recorders this afternoon.
- 966. Well, I just backed them up
about five feet.
- 967. We have to take turns.
- 968. Sometimes it's longer, sometimes
it's shorter. It's my turn now.
- 969. - No, it isn't. No.
- Yes, it is.
- 970. - Merry New Year.
- Happy New Year.
- 971. In this country,
we say, "Happy New Year."
- 972. Thank you for correcting my English,
- 973. I am Naga Eboko,
exchange student from Cameroon.
- 974. Beef jerky time.
- 975. - You want some beef jerky?
- No, please.
- 976. There's plenty, you know.
- 977. This animal's being routed
through to New York.
- 978. Its care and feeding instructions
are on this bill of lading.
- 979. OK, gotcha.
- 980. I doubt you'll have any problems,
- 981. but if you do, there's a tranquillizer gun
in the first aid kit.
- 982. Oh, yeah?
- 983. Say, have you guys been drinking?
- 984. - No, sir. Not us.
- Enough drunks on this train already.
- 985. Happy New Year.
- 986. That's kind of you, son.
And a Happy New Year to you, too.
- 987. Could I offer either of you two gentlemen
a wee jolt of Irish whiskey,
- 988. to usher in the New Year?
- 989. Not for me, pal.
- 990. I do not drink.
It is against my religion.
- 991. I always say, "Religion's a fine
thing, taken in moderation."
- 992. - Beef jerky?
- No, son. Thank you very much.
- 993. No, it gives me the winds
- 994. We are moving! We are moving!
- 995. New York, here we come!
- 996. Come in, my child, join the party.
- 997. Let me see, now you would be
from Austria. Am I right?
- 998. - No, I am Inga from Sweden.
- 999. But you're wearing lederhosen.
- 1000. Ja, for sure, from Sweden.
- 1001. Please, to help me with my rucksack.
- 1002. Oh, yeah, sure, why not?
- 1003. Hey, I'm hungry, man.
I have got to get something more to eat.
- 1004. Well, maybe there's
some pretzels in the bar car.
- 1005. Welcome.
- 1006. - Who is that?
- Open the door, man.
- 1007. I'm dressed as a baggage handler.
- 1008. You can imagine how embarrassed
I was when I saw
- 1009. there was someone at the party
with the same costume I had.
- 1010. Monkey, monkey?
I'm a fucking gorilla, you clown!
- 1011. Irie, irie, irie. I certainly hope there's
enough space on the train for me.
- 1012. Naga, Naga Eboko, from Cameroon.
- 1013. Do you remember me?
It's Lionel Joseph.
- 1014. Lionel, from the African Education
- 1015. Yes. I was Director of Cultural Events
at the Haile Selassie Pavilion.
- 1016. I remember the pavilion.
We had big fun there.
- 1017. Now that we are all here,
we will have a picnic, ja?
- 1018. You will help me get my rucksack down
for the Swedish meatballs?
- 1019. - Remember the one we did?
- 1020. - The memories.
- All day long I could tell those stories.
- 1021. - Those were good ones.
- The good old days.
- 1022. There you are, sweet pea.
- 1023. So, the train will be pulling
into Philadelphia soon.
- 1024. Will you be getting off
at the city of brotherly love, Mr Beeks?
- 1025. Yeah, I will, but you won't...
- 1026. Winthorpe.
- 1027. - See if this one's empty.
- Hey, back off.
- 1028. I'll rip out your eyes
and piss on your brain.
- 1029. - Excuse me.
- You got it.
- 1030. All right. On your feet. Up, let's go.
- 1031. Bunch of fucking weirdos!
We're going to take a little walk.
- 1032. And don't try anything funny
or the whore loses a kidney. Let's go.
- 1033. - No, I'm from Sweden.
- Hey, beat it.
- 1034. Hey, I'm King Kong.
I'm the biggest, baddest boy in the jungle.
- 1035. Get lost, you maggot.
- 1036. Hey, who is that guy,
your father or something?
- 1037. All right, hold it right here.
- 1038. - Oh, honestly, Beeks.
- This is as far as we go.
- 1039. No more cockamamie cigar smoke.
- 1040. No more Swedish meatballs there,
- 1041. And no more phony Irish whiskey.
- 1042. No more goddamn jerky beef.
- 1043. - The party's over.
- The party's over?
- 1044. Hey, come on. What do you mean,
the party's over?
- 1045. It's not even ten o'clock, you dummy.
- 1046. Hey, come on. Loosen up, man.
It's almost New Year's Eve.
- 1047. All right.
- 1048. Hey. Hey, hey, hey,
look what happened to me!
- 1049. Sometimes, they look so human,
it gives you the creeps.
- 1050. Boy, that other one's getting
kinda horny, ain't he?
- 1051. Think we ought to hit him up
with the tranquillizer gun?
- 1052. It's New Year's. Let 'em have their fun.
- 1053. That black one must be the female.
- 1054. Where is he?
- 1055. Beeks. Are you there, Beeks?
- 1056. I'm over here.
- 1057. That's far enough.
- 1058. - Did you get the report?
- Let's see the money.
- 1059. OK, toss it over.
- 1060. Thank you, Beeks.
- 1061. Wonderful news. Wonderful.
- 1062. Beeks, Happy New Year.
- 1063. My life savings. Try not to lose it.
- 1064. Lose it? Coleman, in a couple hours,
you're gonna be the richest butler ever.
- 1065. Well...
- 1066. I worked real hard for this, Louis.
I hope you know what you're doing.
- 1067. - Thank you, Ophelia.
- What are you doing?
- 1068. - 10:31...
- That's us, Louis.
- 1069. Coleman, would you, please?
- 1070. I could use a stiff drink.
Would you care to join me?
- 1071. - Good morning, Mr Duke.
- 1072. - Good morning, Mr Duke.
- 1073. Keep the change.
- 1074. Think big, think positive.
Never show any sign of weakness.
- 1075. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell
high. Fear, that's the other guy's problem.
- 1076. Nothing you have ever experienced
can prepare you
- 1077. for the unbridled carnage
you are about to witness.
- 1078. The Super Bowl, the World Series.
They don't know what pressure is.
- 1079. In this building, it's either kill or be killed.
Make no friends and take no prisoners.
- 1080. One minute you're up half a million
and the next,
- 1081. boom, your kids don't go to college
and they've repossessed your Bentley.
- 1082. Yeah, we gotta kill the motherf—
We gotta kill them!
- 1083. We want you to buy as much OJ
as you can, the instant trading starts.
- 1084. Don't worry if the price starts going up,
just keep buying.
- 1085. But they're gonna broadcast
the crop report in an hour. What if...?
- 1086. Let us worry about that, Wilson.
- 1087. Yes, sir.
- 1088. How's the ulcer, Harry?
- 1089. Pretty good. How's the hypertension?
- 1090. Hasn't bothered me in months.
- 1091. Let's kick some ass.
- 1092. Well, this is it. The last bastion
of pure capitalism left on earth.
- 1093. Here in New York they trade everything,
gold, silver, platinum,
- 1094. heating oil, propane,
cocoa and sugar
- 1095. and, of course,
frozen, concentrated orange juice.
- 1096. Now, the people on the phones are taking
orders from brokers all over the world.
- 1097. The runners then hand those orders
to the traders in the pits.
- 1098. They're trading cotton over there.
And that's the silver pit.
- 1099. The Dukes' trader is going to be
buying like crazy right from the opening.
- 1100. - We wait until he drives the price up.
- Right. I can't wait to see his face
- 1101. when they broadcast
that genuine crop report.
- 1102. OJ trading opens at 9:00.
- 1103. - Let's go kick some butt.
- Let's go.
- 1104. - 102 bid for...
- 1105. Six, six.
- 1106. At seven, at seven. Two hundred.
- 1107. One-oh-eight.
- 1108. One-sixteen.
- 1109. Hey, hey. The Dukes are trying
to corner the market.
- 1110. - They know something. I can feel it.
- Let's get in on it.
- 1111. - Add it on!
- 200, taken.
- 1112. - 130.
- 200, 200.
- 1113. Louis.
- 1114. Not yet, almost.
- 1115. - 220 taken.
- 1116. - Yeah, yeah, got 'em.
- 1117. Now! Sell, 200 April at 142.
- 1118. That's not right.
How can the price be going down?
- 1119. Something's wrong.
- 1120. - Sell! Sell! Sell!
- What are they doing here?
- 1121. - They're selling, Mortimer.
- Why, that's ridiculous.
- 1122. Unless that crop report...
- 1123. God help us!
- 1124. I told you we shouldn't have
committed everything, you asshole.
- 1125. We've got to get Wilson
and tell him to sell.
- 1126. Go, sold!
- 1127. Ladies and gentlemen,
the Secretary of Agriculture.
- 1128. Ladies and gentlemen, the orange
crop estimates for the next year.
- 1129. After calculating the estimates from
various orange producing states,
- 1130. we have concluded the following:
- 1131. The cold winter has apparently
not affected the orange harvest.
- 1132. Consumers can expect
orange juice prices to fall...
- 1133. Wilson, for Christ's sake, sell!
- 1134. - Sold! Sold! Sold!
- Buy 'em.
- 1135. Sold!
- 1136. Sell it!
- 1137. Selling. Sell!
- 1138. Sold!
- 1139. No. Selling.
- 1140. All right, I'll buy.
- 1141. - Wilson, where are you going?
- You idiot!
- 1142. Get back in there at once
and sell, sell.
- 1143. Sir, but I— I— I—
- 1144. - Five.
- Yeah, 200.
- 1145. - 100. 100.
- Yeah, that was 100.
- 1146. - Did you get that?
- I got five with you, man. Five, five.
- 1147. Hundred.
- 1148. Happy New Year.
- 1149. - Winthorpe.
- 1150. Hey, how'd y'all make out today?
- 1151. How could you do this to us after
everything we've done for you?
- 1152. Oh, see I made Louis a bet here.
- 1153. Louis bet me that we couldn't both
get rich and put y'all in the poorhouse.
- 1154. He didn't think we could do it. I won.
- 1155. I lost.
- 1156. - One dollar.
- Thank you, Louis.
- 1157. - After you.
- 1158. Margin call, gentlemen.
- 1159. - You can't expect us to—
- You know the rules of the exchange.
- 1160. All accounts to be settled at the end
of the day's trading without exception.
- 1161. You know perfectly well
we don't have $394 million in cash.
- 1162. I'm sorry, boys. Put the Duke brother seats
on the exchange up for sale at once.
- 1163. Seize all assets of Duke & Duke
- 1164. as well as all personal holdings
of Randolph and Mortimer Duke.
- 1165. My God. We're ruined!
- 1166. This is an outrage!
I demand an investigation.
- 1167. You can't sell our seats. A Duke has been
on this exchange since it was founded.
- 1168. We founded this exchange.
It's ours! It belongs to us!
- 1169. My God.
- 1170. Your brother's not well.
We better call an ambulance.
- 1171. Fuck him! Now you listen to me.
I want trading reopened, right now.
- 1172. Get those brokers back in here!
Turn those machines back on!
- 1173. Turn those machines back on!
- 1174. You and your Nobel Prize, you idiot.
- 1175. Where's Beeks?
Where in the hell is Beeks?
- 1176. - Beeks!
- Yeah, I forgot all about that guy.
- 1177. OK, one male gorilla.
- 1178. Hey, wait a minute.
There's two of them in that cage.
- 1179. One gorilla, two gorillas. Big deal.
Whole bunch is getting sent back to Africa.
- 1180. It's a big scientific experiment.
What do I know?
- 1181. Anyway, take a look. They're in love.
- 1182. - Hey, Coleman?
- 1183. What should we do about lunch?
The lobster or the cracked crab?
- 1184. - What do you think?
- Can't we have both?
- 1185. Why not?
- 1186. - Demitri?
- 1187. - Lobster and cracked crab for everyone.
- Extra prima good, Mr Coleman, sir.
- 1188. Looking good, Billy Ray.
- 1189. Feeling good, Louis.