Touch Me in the Morning (1999)

1. Not bad.

2. Hey, greetings.

3. Greetings from Tromaville, and welcome to the lovingly

4. recreated, digitally remastered director's cut

5. DVD of Giuseppe Andrews' "Touch Me in the Morning."

6. You probably remember that Troma discovered Giuseppe Andrews

7. and is the first to have distributed his films.

8. "Trailer Town," which you can see

9. on Troma DVD, along with his wonderful film,

10. "Dribble," which won the Independent Spirit

11. Award at the Tromadance Film Festival of 2004.

12. The mainstream hasn't yet embraced Giuseppe Andrews

13. in spite of the wonderful Troma DVD, "Trailer Town," but many

14. of the vanguard of the film community,

15. people like Eli Roth, who made "Cabin Fever," and Adam Rifkin,

16. who directed the "Detroit Cock City," right?

17. No. It was "Detroit Rock City."

18. Dr. Peckers, what is up in the future

19. for Giuseppe Andrews and Troma?

20. The Bathroom Home School Box Set DVD from Troma.

21. Bach bach bach. - Wow.

22. That's pretty egg-citing.

23. Now, what happened is that the "Trailer Town," the DVD

24. from Giuseppe Andrews that Troma released last year,

25. did $300 million in the first week

26. of its theatrical engagement, therefore we

27. decided that we would release four more Giuseppe

28. Andrews movies in a box set.

29. Did you know that this DVD of—

30. The morning touching?

31. "Touch Me in the Morning."

32. There's wonderful bonuses on the "Touch Me in the Morning" DVD.

33. Giuseppe Andrews' film "After School Specials."

34. - in the "After School Special," want to remind

35. you kids, don't do drugs.

36. Unless it's vitamins.

37. Or PCP.

38. Well, the Troma team and I would like to thank you,

39. along with Dr. Peckers for watching

40. this incredible introduction.

41. And any parting words about "Touch

42. Me in the Morning," Hemophilia?

43. I believe that it features more naked old men

44. than Dick Cheney's bar mitzvah.

45. Wow, and that's a lot of naked old men.

46. Anyway, it's time to kick back and put

47. on a pair of fun underwears and watch the lovingly recreated,

48. digitally remastered, director's cut

49. DVD of the brilliant director, Giuseppe Andrews', "Touch Me

50. in the Morning."

51. Now— - Let's watch.

52. God, I love a pony.

53. Oh, it's such a nice horse.

54. Got, I love a pony.

55. I used to have a horse named Toughy.

56. He was always looking for a little pussy.

57. Well, you know, him and I got a problem with that.

58. Anybody here?

59. Anybody here?

60. I don't know how long.

61. It seems like it's not been too long ago,

62. but I still think we still may be in love.

63. Three little motherfuckers just did it.

64. I just went out there.

65. I said, you know what? Fuck you.

66. You ain't scaring me.

67. Big old— they're throwing big old rocks

68. at my fucking head and shit. Be careful.

69. If you think I'd bullshit ya?

70. Look at this.

71. Hey watch.

72. Ow.

73. God damn. - God damn.

74. Motherfucker.

75. That's my mom and dad's picture.

76. Oh. I didn't fuck it up, did I?

77. —Yes, you did.

78. That's it, man. That was a kidney.

79. Don't kidney shot me again, Dennis, for no reason.

80. Well, you know what? Why'd you do that?

81. Well, you shouldn't have done that.

82. That's my mom. - I'm sorry.

83. I know. It's OK.

84. Get up.

85. Come on. - No.

86. I'm going to come up and right in the throat.

87. No.

88. You know what?

89. Don't fucking touch me again.

90. You know what motherfucker?

91. You break things up.

92. Come on.

93. It's OK. It's not important.

94. I'll do it, Dennis.

95. I'll bust you up.

96. You know what?

97. Why'd you do that?

98. None of your business.

99. Do it?

100. Come on.

101. You better swing.

102. I'm going to tell you what.

103. You're being an asshole.

104. Know what?

105. You got out of place.

106. He fucking asshole.

107. Listen.

108. Well, you busted up my mom and dad's picture, asshole.

109. I'm sorry. Doing me wrong.

110. I hit it.

111. I'll buy you a new frame and everything.

112. Never mind. Never mind.

113. Just go home.

114. - I didn't mean to do - I know you didn't.

115. Hey.

116. Just go, man. Go.

117. Get your ass out of here.

118. Me and you.

119. Get over there.

120. You want to be a man?

121. You want to go in.

122. You know what?

123. We will.

124. You know what?

125. There's no witnesses.

126. I've got your number, dude.

127. I'm going rub your fucking head while I

128. kick your fucking face in.

129. You are? - Yeah.

130. You don't want it? - How much you want?

131. Let me catch you going up and down the street.

132. How much you want?

133. In the store, Dennis.

134. What you doing?

135. I just went to the store.

136. I just bought things, and I don't remember how to get there

137. or how I got home.

138. Louise, how are you doing?

139. It's weird getting a chance to tell my story to all you folks.

140. A guy like me usually never gets heard.

141. I'm just a little guy from Dallas, Texas.

142. But, hey, maybe you'll find my story interesting.

143. My real name is Edgardo.

144. But I call myself Coney Island.

145. I was a change-of-life baby, which

146. means my parents were both really old when I was born.

147. My mother is a cokehead and my dad's a drunk.

148. The first people we're going to meet are my grandparents.

149. My grandad is 105.

150. He's the oldest man alive in Dallas.

151. He looks really good for his age,

152. because all he ate was homemade yogurt his whole life.

153. Annie, get me a Popsicle.

154. White?

155. I want a divorce.

156. So what? Get me a Popsicle.

157. Hello, my son, Edgardo.

158. Thanks for the information on the electric bike.

159. I think I will get the deluxe model and an extra battery.

160. It should give me a 40-mile range.

161. I should be able to go about 80 miles before a charge

162. if needed.

163. I will be out of this hell hose in five days.

164. If you see any of my bitches, tell

165. them Daddy Bill's coming home.

166. By the time you get this, I'll be almost out of here.

167. Love, Daddy Bill.

168. The next guy we're going to meet his Harmonica Pete.

169. He was having an affair with my mother.

170. They met at rehab BINGO.

171. Excuse me, sir.

172. Can you spare some change?

173. Well, I can give you some food, sir,

174. but you'll only be hungry tomorrow.

175. But if you let me teach you how to grow food,

176. you'll never be hungry again.

177. Fuck, I'm just trying to get a beer.

178. Fuck you.

179. Man, so my dad gets out of jail this week.

180. You dad gets out of jail?

181. I didn't know he was in jail. - Yeah.

182. What happened was—

183. The light went out.

184. What happened was, they accused of raping

185. and murdering a homeless women. - No.

186. That's not Bill. - Right.

187. He was with Joyce Valetta. - Watch it.

188. The wire's right there.

189. Don't touch it.

190. He was with Joyce Valetta the night it

191. happened, but Joyce is married.

192. And she wouldn't testify, because she didn't

193. want her husband to know that, you know,

194. she's out fucking Bill.

195. So how they got him out was with the DNA.

196. The DNA didn't match up.

197. So they found bull semen in the woman.

198. Apparently she worked for the rodeo, and she fucked a bull

199. and it killed her.

200. And Bill had entered a bull riding contest—

201. - Yeah, at the fairgrounds. - Right.

202. At the fairgrounds, and he was like the last one they saw

203. with her, so they accused him.

204. But everything's cool now.

205. He's getting out.

206. - That's cool. - Yeah.

207. He wanted me to stop by and tell you

208. that he's going to be throwing this birthday bash next week,

209. and you're invited. - All right.

210. That sounds good.

211. I don't what the fuck's with that light.

212. How long you been here, man?

213. Two months.

214. What?

215. I can afford it, so—

216. You like it?

217. Yeah, it's all right.

218. It's got maid service.

219. It's a pretty clean room.

220. It's nice.

221. This fucking light.

222. Everything works pretty good though except for this light.

223. Well, it did work.

224. I pulled the cord one day and the fucker snapped off.

225. Now it won't work at all.

226. Yeah.

227. There. Oh.

228. Fuck.

229. It's this extension cord.

230. There were these two people who used to do Tai Chi in the park.

231. They were my babysitters when I was 5.

232. They used to kick me when I misbehaved.

233. And one time she held me down while he

234. burned me with his cigarette.

235. But they always took me for ice cream after.

236. Thanks for coming to see me, son.

237. No problem.

238. Why did you and dad get a divorce?

239. He was fucking other women.

240. I heard you got a new boyfriend.

241. Yeah. He's black and he works for KFC.

242. You want a shot of tequila?

243. No.

244. Man, what's that smell?

245. I stepped in dog shit.

246. Do you want to snort a line?

247. No.

248. You know, that stuff's bad for you, mama.

249. But it makes you feel good.

250. FLIGHT ATTENDANT Good evening,

251. ladies and gentlemen.

252. We'd like to welcome our Dallas-Fort Worth boarding

253. passengers on board the continuation of Delta Airlines

254. flight number 665, Boeing 747 jet service, now nonstop

255. to Seattle-Tacoma International Airport,

256. continuing on to Portland, Oregon.

257. This is one of my dad's friends,

258. Walt. The guy across from him with the short hair is Teddy.

259. He likes to hang out by school playgrounds

260. and show kids his private parts.

261. Every day him and Walt hang out and talk about movies

262. and television shows.

263. Neither one of them know what they're talking about.

264. Old movies have a lot of class. Classics.

265. You can get into them.

266. The characters.

267. Well, Herman the Munster was on "Car 54."

268. That's right.

269. And the old guy too, Al Lewis.

270. Yeah. Yeah.

271. Those are two old-time actors.

272. I haven't seen him in years.

273. It's been—

274. I think that Freddy or Fred is dead.

275. - Fred. - Fred.

276. Fred— Fred Corey.

277. I think his name was Fred Corey.

278. He's dead. - The fat guy.

279. The big guy, the Herman Munster guy.

280. But Al Lewis is still alive.

281. Of course, he doesn't have to put the make up on anymore

282. to play grandpa. - Yeah.

283. I know. He's that old.

284. Yeah, the old moves were the classics.

285. You know what I mean?

286. Yeah, they don't sell 'em anymore.

287. They used to.

288. I like to watch a lot of Humphrey Bogart.

289. Well, they do on 22 or something.

290. Yeah.

291. Turner.

292. Turner Classic Movies.

293. Yeah.

294. Man, I haven't seen any of them in years.

295. I wish they still made movies in black and white,

296. you know what I mean?

297. Get a black and white TV.

298. Oh, that would change the whole perspective, huh?

299. Seeing John Travolta in black and white?

300. Could you imagine that?

301. Yeah.

302. You like John Travolta?

303. "Welcome Back Kotter."

304. That's when he was just a little bitty kid, huh?

305. - That's right.

306. His weren't even wet.

307. You know the first time I saw him was an "Emergency" episode.

308. He was laying on the stretcher.

309. Yeah. Honest to God.

310. I wouldn't lie to you.

311. What movie?

312. It was "Emergency."

313. You remember the show "Emergency"--

314. —Yeah.

315. —with the—

316. Yeah, the ambulance.

317. —Squad 51 and the big cherry picker truck.

318. Yeah.

319. They went and I think he was on the freeway in a roll over,

320. and they put him on a stretcher.

321. And I said, by God, that's John Travolta.

322. He couldn't have been about 16. - Huh.

323. I don't remember that.

324. That's a true story.

325. Cool.

326. Then he learned how to dance, and he got

327. into "Saturday Night Fever."

328. - Yeah. - Disco nights.

329. This is the trailer park I was raised in.

330. I had some beautiful times here.

331. Me and my dad used to do all kinds of father and son stuff

332. like change the propane tanks together.

333. My mom still lives here.

334. This is where I visit her every weekend.

335. Did you bring me 40, son?

336. No, mom.

337. You know I don't like you drinking.

338. But I have something to ask you.

339. I've been having all these problems with my girlfriend,

340. and tell me something.

341. What's the exact definition of impotence?

342. Dead peter.

343. Did dad have it?

344. No, son.

345. He fucked a lot of whores.

346. Hey, mom.

347. You ever eat Rocky Mountain oysters?

348. Ain't them bull balls?

349. Yeah.

350. - I don't eat balls. - Hey, mom.

351. Not dad ever have a pet name for you?

352. You know, when you guys were like really in love?

353. - Yeah. - What was it?

354. Melon tits.

355. Hey, mom.

356. How do you keep that brown spot out

357. of the back of your underwear?

358. Clean your ass better.

359. What are you having for dinner tonight, mama?

360. Slim Jim and eggs.

361. Yeah, you should come with me.

362. He's going to the restaurant to eat there.

363. This is my Uncle Sammy.

364. He's a homeless heroin addict.

365. His nickname is El Dukie.

366. He takes baths in motel pools.

367. He always has feces on his socks,

368. because he wipes his hiney with his socks

369. and puts them back on.

370. We had to give him a ride once to the mall to buy underwear.

371. And my dad had to stick his head out the window

372. because he stunk so bad.

373. This is my dad's other friend, Denny.

374. He took me fishing once, and we smoked some weed out of a beer

375. can.

376. He goes around to all the dating services in town

377. and tries to get some action.

378. He thinks women like him because he

379. looks like the guy in ZZ Top.

380. I'm going to be filming your personal video today.

381. I'm going to need you to look right into the camera here.

382. So tell me, what kind of lady interests you most?

383. - Um, uh, white. - No.

384. I mean what inner qualities do you look for?

385. - Um, um, white. - No.

386. I mean what inner qualities do you look for?

387. Some lady to just lick my beard and do it real fine like this.

388. Well, good.

389. That'll be all I need.

390. Thank you very much.

391. You'll be getting some calls real soon.

392. Oh, really?

393. Hey.

394. All right.

395. All right. Hello.

396. Son of a bitch.

397. Oh, yeah.

398. Oh.

399. There ain't nothing in the world like a bow legged girl, man.

400. Oh, yeah.

401. You gotta sing with me in the fucking shower

402. you, motherfucking whore.

403. Oh.

404. Dance with me, bitch.

405. Love is the fucking answer.

406. I love you.

407. I fucking— god, I love it.

408. Oh.

409. I'm so— Key Largo.

410. That's where it's at.

411. Down in fucking Florida.

412. Oh, yeah.

413. I can remember when I was

414. you stupid son of a bitch.

415. I don't want to hear it.

416. Ah. Boy.

417. Yeah.

418. I forgot my fucking socks. Son of a bitch.

419. Oh, boy.

420. That hot water's good.

421. What you got on your mind, boy?

422. Well, I gotta tell you— I mean, my girlfriend.

423. She's really been yelling at me lately, daddy.

424. Why don't you tell her to go get— why don't

425. you tell her to go get fucked?

426. Because I feel like—

427. You love her? Yeah.

428. Yeah.

429. You don't even love me, and I'm your old man.

430. Yeah, well—

431. Why the fuck you want that bitch?

432. I want to marry one day.

433. You're dumber than a fucking box of rocks.

434. That's right.

435. No fucking woman in the world as good as you are.

436. Or me.

437. I've have three wives and five kids and none of them

438. motherfuckers are good.

439. You're one of 'em.

440. Now listen to me here.

441. Now listen to me, dad.

442. You ever hear that? - No.

443. What's that?

444. It's an old cowboy thing. You know.

445. Ride Old Paint.

446. Leave an old bottle cap.

447. Wait until he takes a fall.

448. Probably be sometime next fall.

449. And you know, that old shit down there in Oklahoma.

450. You know, rattlesnakes bite me, crawl off and die.

451. Centipedes look at me and spit in my eye.

452. Nothing compares to my tough old hide.

453. You're part of that kind of the fucking world.

454. Oh fuck.

455. There ain't enough fucking toilet

456. paper to wipe my fucking ass.

457. I'll take some more of this shit.

458. Hey, don't look.

459. Would you let me take a shit?

460. Would you do that?

461. Let me take a fucking shit.

462. One thing

463. You know what?

464. I love you so much, I could just shit.

465. So how you been, mom?

466. Fine.

467. But you can't come here no more.

468. Why?

469. Because my boyfriend's moving in.

470. He don't want nobody around.

471. Yeah, but next week it's Bill's birthday,

472. and he wanted you to come to the party.

473. Yeah, but he's a piece of shit.

474. And my boyfriend wants to kill him.

475. Why?

476. Because I told my boyfriend Bill was the best lover

477. I ever had.

478. And that makes him angry?

479. Yeah.

480. He's not the King monkey.

481. - So what's your name?

482. Your name's on here?

483. Joe. Nice to meet you Joe.

484. My name's Coney Island, and I go around

485. and I sing songs of hope for people.

486. I'd like to sing one for you. - Yeah.

487. I like that shirt.

488. Philippines.

489. You ever go there?

490. Great.

491. Hawaii. Hawaii.

492. Oh?

493. Hawaii.

494. You went to Hawaii?

495. Yeah.

496. Hawaii and the Philippines.

497. Yeah.

498. Oh.

499. Great. All right.

500. - Down in the Philippines,

501. there was a man named Joe.

502. He got the big banana and all the women know.

503. That's why they love Joe.

504. Oh, that's why they love Joe.

505. And when he goes around town, everybody

506. say, here come big banana Joe.

507. There was a man named Joe.

508. There was a man named Joe.

509. He got the big banana and all the women know.

510. That's why they love Joe.

511. Oh, that's why they love Joe.

512. He got the big banana, and everybody

513. knows he got the big banana, and everybody knows.

514. That's why they love Joe.

515. Daddy Bill, why did you and mom get divorced?

516. I hate to tell you the truth.

517. Do you want the truth or do want the bullshit?

518. I want the truth, of course.

519. Well, you know, I've got to get serious, you know.

520. You know I like to have fun.

521. I'm not a serious person.

522. But if you really want to fucking know, I'll tell you.

523. But it'll be as true as ever and it might hurt you.

524. Tell me.

525. I want to know.

526. Well, you mother, who is very dear to my heart,

527. liked black men better than me.

528. And what you are, son, is a tar baby.

529. Do you understand what a tar baby is?

530. No.

531. That means that your mama liked black dick.

532. And you were a result of that, and I've

533. had to raise you and feed you as my own son,

534. because I was too embarrassed to tell anybody

535. that you was a tar baby.

536. But that's what you are.

537. But you're still my son, because you're

538. a product of the environment that I lived in.

539. You're not mine.

540. Mind you, now I could teach you some things,

541. even if you are a tar baby.

542. Does that hurt you, son?

543. You thought I was your daddy, huh?

544. Well, I ain't your fucking daddy.

545. I ain't ever going to be.

546. Your daddy is blacker than the goddamn sock I'm wearing.

547. Your mama like the nigger dick.

548. Your mama like to fuck those dicks.

549. They're long as they were big and black

550. like a big nigger dick.

551. Oh, your mama liked the nigger dick.

552. This is my girlfriend, Rhonda.

553. I met her at a Grateful Dead concert.

554. She works at a coffee shop.

555. We come to this park every weekend so I can play.

556. Look. I'm riding the bull, honey.

557. Woohoo!

558. I'm riding the bull, honey.

559. Come on.

560. Let's go.

561. I want to get outta here.

562. Come on, Rhonda.

563. Can't we just stay a little bit longer?

564. I want to go on the slides again.

565. I don't want to go.

566. I'm angry with you.

567. Why?

568. Because I work all day, and you don't.

569. I work.

570. I mean, I sing songs of hope for the old people.

571. That don't pay shit.

572. Don't you dare say that.

573. When I see their faces light up and the enjoyment they're

574. getting, I mean, I change their lives,

575. even if it's just for five minutes.

576. And I'll tell you, that's enough payment for me.

577. I guess we're done.

578. I need to stop by the store and get some of those little things

579. with canned tuna with the crackers.

580. Since you're going to be gone today at work,

581. I want to have a little something to eat.

582. OK.

583. Dwight, I know you've been feeling down lately.

584. I'm going to pick you up with a song.

585. Hey, Dwight.

586. Where the hell we gonna go tonight?

587. We're gonna dance until the morning light,

588. until the sun is shining bright.

589. And when the sun is up, it's gonna

590. fill, fill, fill up your cup with some

591. of that morning light.

592. Hey Dwight.

593. Do I hear Dwight?

594. Hey Dwight.

595. Where the hell we gonna go tonight?

596. We're gonna dance until the morning light,

597. until the sun is shining bright.

598. And when the sun is up, it's gonna

599. fill, fill, fill up your cup with some

600. of that morning light. Hey Dwight.

601. Oh, Dwight.

602. Where we gonna go tonight?

603. I'll play one more song here.

604. OK.

605. Hey.

606. We're going to funk it up.

607. Hey

608. We're going to funk it up.

609. - Hey. - Hey.

610. We're going to funk it up.

611. We're going to funk it up.

612. We're going to funk it up. - Hey.

613. We're going to funk it up.

614. Funk it up. Hey.

615. Hey.

616. Funk it up.

617. We're gonna funk it up. - Hey.

618. We're gonna funk it up.

619. We're gonna funk it up.

620. We're gonna funk it up.

621. We're going to funk it up.

622. We're gonna funk it up.

623. We're gonna funk it up. We're going to funk it up.

624. We're gonna fuck it up.

625. We're gonna fuck it up.

626. We're gonna fuck it up.

627. We're gonna fuck it up.

628. We're gonna fuck it up.

629. We're gonna fuck it up.

630. We're gonna fuck it up.

631. We're gonna fuck it up.

632. We're gonna fuck it up.

633. We're gonna fuck it up.

634. We're gonna fuck it up.

635. We're gonna fuck it up.

636. We're gonna fuck it up.

637. We're gonna fuck it up.

638. We're gonna fuck it up.

639. We're gonna fuck it up.

640. We're gonna fuck it up.

641. We're gonna fuck it up.

642. We're gonna fuck it up.

643. We're gonna fuck it up.

644. We're gonna fuck it up.

645. We're gonna fuck it up.

646. We're gonna fuck it up.

647. We're gonna fuck it up.

648. Gonna fuck it up.

649. Gonna fuck it up.

650. We're gonna fuck it up.

651. What do you come for?

652. Some fucking advice about how to fuck?

653. Oh, my god.

654. You come to a fucking expert, number one.

655. That's all I've been doing all my life.

656. I've had three fucking wives, fives fucking kids.

657. You're just one of five.

658. Now, you want to know how to fuck?

659. The first thing you're going to do

660. if you want to get a little romance—

661. the fucking comes later.

662. First, you have to have the prearranged kind of shit

663. that you lover prearrange.

664. I love you.

665. They all like to hear this shit.

666. If you're on a fucking bed, right?

667. You're going to stroke her, tell her, pet her head and shit.

668. You've got to play up with this shit.

669. And tell her, you know what?

670. You're the only woman I've ever been with that

671. made me feel this way.

672. Not the only woman you've only been with but that

673. made me feel this way.

674. I feel like, you know, you're something special.

675. And, you know, I just can't get close to you,

676. I can't do it because you're so special.

677. But, you know, in the back of your mind you're saying,

678. I want to go for this.

679. I know she's fucking what I see here see.

680. And the next you say, listen to me darling.

681. I'm going to take you someplace you've

682. never fucking been before.

683. What's that?

684. I'm going to take you on a trip.

685. I'm going to take you so fucking high, baby, with sex

686. that you'll never come down.

687. Just whisper it.

688. Don't be like me, holler shit.

689. Whisper it, like rub and shit.

690. And the next thing you know, you get on that bitch

691. and you pound her fucking pussy.

692. And then, you know what?

693. You turn her over, give her a little more.

694. And then you say, you're part of me.

695. That's why I've just fucked in the fucking.

696. I want you to know you belong to me.

697. Not anybody else.

698. You're mine now.

699. Everybody fucks, but when I fuck you this way, you're mine.

700. And see, now she's got it, you're— I belong to this man.

701. The next thing you know, the bitch is walking behind you,

702. paying for your drinks.

703. And she can't get you back in the fucking sack.

704. What you don't know is I know about women and what they want

705. and how to treat them.

706. I decided that there are two things I like to do.

707. One is have fun and the other one is to fuck.

708. And to do those things, I have to make some money, you know,

709. of course.

710. Which you don't do.

711. You got lousy fucking $10 in your pocket.

712. Come over here and want to fuck my girl.

713. You got $10?

714. You couldn't do it if you had fucking $100.

715. But I'll tell you how to do it, and it

716. won't cost you a fucking dime.

717. I promise that every time I get my girlfriend into our bedroom,

718. I just don't— I'm afraid to talk to her

719. about sexual type things.

720. Well, you know what you do.

721. Go in the to bathroom and wash up your fucking underwear.

722. Really.

723. You know, you and I could go out swimming in a fucking pool

724. and I want to fuck these people.

725. They don't like it.

726. But when you get to the point, you know, come on.

727. You know, go baby.

728. OK.

729. I got something important. Yeah.

730. Come on.

731. You know, like this.

732. Shake it.

733. You know.

734. It's like the bitch.

735. She's shaking her ass all the time you're looking at it.

736. How many guys are looking at your girl shaking her ass?

737. Everybody.

738. So let them look at you. - Like this.

739. You're shaking a fucking dick at the bitch.

740. Here, I got something for you.

741. So I go in the room and I said, hey, I got something for you.

742. When you're fucking ready, honey.

743. But I want to do a few things for you

744. that will make you comfortable.

745. I'm not one of these fucking guys that say,

746. get on the fucking bed and fuck you and walk out.

747. We're going to spend some time together.

748. So well, I try to make her comfortable every night.

749. I make her like her favorite— she likes the flavored coffee,

750. and I make that for her.

751. And I put about— - Don't kiss her ass.

752. See. Now you're kissing her ass.

753. You're— now see?

754. I teach you all this shit.

755. Don't make her fucking coffee.

756. Tell the bitch, you get outta fucking bed

757. and make me some coffee.

758. I just give you what you needed.

759. I need a cup of coffee.

760. And they go all over that fucking wonder dust

761. all over the fucking table in there, you know.

762. And you take a hit yourself and you

763. get your ass back over here.

764. And call up and order me a fucking pizza.

765. I want to relax for a minute.

766. See?

767. You're the fucking one getting the thing.

768. I'm not.

769. I'm servicing you.

770. You got to make the bitch understand that.

771. Daddy, but listen up.

772. My biggest thing is like once I put my penis in her vagina,

773. it's like I don't want to hurt her, you know?

774. Fuck her. Tell her I'm going to hurt you.

775. If you don't fucking take it right, I'll flip you over.

776. So you don't— like how do you do it once you get— once you

777. put the penis in the vagina?

778. The first thing is, you know, I love to take them,

779. put them over the fucking bed. - Right.

780. And spread their legs and get them down so

781. you can grab their head like this and stick it

782. her pussy from behind.

783. That way you feel the ass right here.

784. Right.

785. And it feels bitchin' and you got that dick in her.

786. And you jerk them off like you were jerking off.

787. - Right. - Yeah.

788. Come on, baby.

789. And then you get off, see?

790. Right.

791. But you're careful, you know.

792. You're careful.

793. So you get her from behind like this?

794. Get her from behind over the bed.

795. They love it that way.

796. And then you just go like that, right?

797. Yeah.

798. You're you know, you're not into just anal sex.

799. Well, you know, I suppose you're not really—

800. and then, you know what you tell her?

801. You kick her back on the bed because she's

802. already like, oh, oh, ah.

803. Show me how you do it, daddy Bill.

804. Over the fucking bed, right?

805. Yeah.

806. Put the fucking hands on the fucking shoulders,

807. push her head right down into the bed.

808. Yeah.

809. And get her legs apart and fuck her like this,

810. right on the edge of the bed.

811. Give her a good fucking. - Right.

812. And when she starts screaming— oo,

813. oo, ah, oo, that kind of shit, you say, oh I got her, man.

814. And then you know what you do?

815. You take it back by the bed, like this, get pillows here.

816. Come here, bitch.

817. It's time to do a little sucking.

818. I don't know if I do that to her, though.

819. Why?

820. They all— every fucking woman wants to suck dick.

821. You wont' let her suck your dick,

822. she'll never come back and see you again.

823. Might as well say bye.

824. If she's good, let her suck your dick.

825. If you don't want to see, tell her to hit the fucking bricks.

826. You fucking women, you're know what you are?

827. Tell her.

828. You're like a grain of sand on a fucking beach.

829. How many millions of grains of sand are there?

830. That's what you are to me.

831. Fuck you.

832. Go.

833. If you don't to do what I tell you, then suck my dick.

834. We got the bitch, right?

835. Yeah.

836. Get your ass in here, like this, see?

837. So you got some driving power.

838. Yeah.

839. Go pump the bitch, and hold her head down.

840. She's going oo ah oo.

841. Now she's going to love it, though see?

842. - Right. - Boom.

843. Go, man. - Right.

844. Now you got.

845. You got it.

846. Did you watch any TV last night?

847. Yeah.

848. What did you see?

849. Oh, I saw some guy stick his head up an elephant's ass.

850. Hello, Sparky.

851. You give me that beer, and I'll tell you the news.

852. Thank you.

853. Ruth, I'm asking you to be my common law wife.

854. I'm down.

855. Ruth, you ever have any fantasies about other men?

856. Yes.

857. Who?

858. Hirschel Bernardi.

859. Whose place is this, man?

860. You know, actually it's none of your fucking

861. whose fucking place is this.

862. It ain't fucking mine.

863. You know what?

864. Yeah, but it looks like some fucking—

865. It belongs to a cop that I know.

866. She's a fucking whore. - Yeah.

867. And what's she do for a living?

868. I don't care what she does.

869. Well, how can afford this place?

870. She's got more fucking money than I do.

871. Are you just fucking her and sleeping here or what?

872. Yeah. Great.

873. Free, yeah.

874. That's how you do it.

875. I'm not going pay shit.

876. - You're paid for it. - Yeah.

877. I get a free place to stay.

878. I give her a little dick.

879. Well, how come you're not at your place?

880. They're fumigating the cocksucker over there.

881. Getting rid of the cockroaches and fucking rats mice

882. and shit in the fucking place.

883. And a bunch of whores living upstairs and downstairs.

884. Yeah, I know.

885. When I went in the bathroom the last time,

886. I turned on the light, and they were fucking

887. running for their lives.

888. Trails everywhere.

889. All fucking night those cocksuckers are running

890. around the walls and shit.

891. You think I want to stay there?

892. They're fumigating.

893. You see that fucking tent?

894. That's what they got it up there for,

895. to get rid of the cockroaches. - Yeah.

896. I like to eat roaches.

897. Yeah, you old nut.

898. You'd eat anything— bugs, spiders.

899. I'll bet you eat dick, you motherfucker.

900. Yeah, like that weirdo on the old Dracula movies where—

901. Yeah, I'll tell you a little something

902. that you don't fucking know.

903. I read so many fucking Louis L'Amour stories— you know,

904. cowboy stories— I'm walking around with cowboy boots

905. and fucking— I take a fucking Tom Mix.

906. I'm wearing the fucking books around here.

907. I also wear the fucking pants.

908. I shit you though.

909. Every once in a while, I get a fucking idea, man,

910. that I'm 6 foot 4 and narrow at the fucking waist

911. and broad fucking shoulders.

912. I got two guns tied down, and I'm going

913. to blow your fucking head off.

914. I wish somebody— I think I'm John Wayne sometimes.

915. Yeah, being a cowboy really sucks shit, huh?

916. You don't know fucking John Wayne, do you?

917. I like eating crickets.

918. You fucking nut.

919. I saw you down there, you know, digging for clams.

920. Yeah, you like to do drugs.

921. That's probably why you're screwy.

922. Your drunk genes.

923. Fucking nut.

924. How many goddamn drunks you seen fucking a whore?

925. A lot.

926. Mostly drunks.

927. When you got a fucking drunk that's trying to find a whore,

928. their balls drop.

929. You know when your balls raise up like that,

930. they get tight against your dick?

931. Yeah, cold water.

932. No, that's a good fuck.

933. When you're drunk and on alcohol, your balls drop.

934. Well, I never measured them to see.

935. Well, I don't know.

936. Yeah, I like to eat roaches.

937. Yeah.

938. You old nut.

939. You'd eat anything— bugs, spiders.

940. I bet you eat dick, you motherfucker.

941. Like that weirdo on the old Dracula movies, where—

942. I've got to call Coney Island.

943. It's ripping me apart, but I got to call Coney and tell him

944. his old lady's got Alzheimer's.

945. I just seen her last week, and she was fine.

946. It comes on quick.

947. And you get fucking screwy or what?

948. I don't know what the fuck is going—

949. Alzheimer's sucks shit, huh?

950. Yeah, all the time.

951. You fucking lose your memory, you get fucking squirrely.

952. - Whacked out. - Yeah.

953. How do you know so fucking much about Alzheimer's?

954. Act like your wife.

955. - You a fucking doctor? - No.

956. Fucking P— or what his name?

957. Ronald Reagan had it.

958. Had it?

959. He's got it.

960. Well, I don't know if he's dead or not.

961. Chuck, get up and fuck that beer can like you normally do.

962. Yeah.

963. You mean like this?

964. All right, yeah.

965. Woo hoo hoo woo hoo hoo.

966. Woo hoo hoo hoo woo hoo hoo.

967. - You want a fucking beer? - No, I still got—

968. You never buy— you know what?

969. If you don't buy no fucking beer,

970. you can't drink no fucking beer.

971. Give me that fucking beer and get the fuck out of there, man.

972. - All right, man. - Get out.

973. You don't buy no beer, you don't drink no beer.

974. Ruthie, can you remember when we

975. was kids how we used to make snow angels in the snow

976. all the time?

977. No.

978. I went to the store and I bough a lot of crazy stuff.

979. And there was people, you wouldn't believe what

980. they were buying over there.

981. They bought all kinds of goofy stuff.

982. But I didn't like what they were buying.

983. And I bought some crackers and stuff like that,

984. but they bought stuff it wasn't any good at all.

985. And people come in—

986. You can't remember playing in the snow

987. and making angels and snow balls?

988. No, I don't remember no snow.

989. Can I get you a glass of water, Ruthie?

990. Yeah, I like the water.

991. OK.

992. I'll be right back.

993. You wouldn't believe people buying stuff in there.

994. Anymore.

995. I don't like to be like this.

996. It's so awful to be when you don't remember.

997. Maybe I'll remember.

998. I just don't like being alone.

999. I don't want to go to one of those places either.

1000. Not very good.

1001. I don't have any ice cubes in your water, just plain water.

1002. That's all right.

1003. Because I don't like real cold water.

1004. Put on a record.

1005. Put on a record.

1006. What would you like to hear?

1007. Just put on a record.

1008. Road runner, road runner, road runner.

1009. Road runner, road runner, road runner, road runner.

1010. Road runner, road runner, road runner.

1011. Road runner, road runner, road runner.

1012. Road runner, road runner, road runner.

1013. You know, these bastards want to send me

1014. to the drunk driving program, because I'm an alcoholic,

1015. they say.

1016. But they're full of shit.

1017. I ain't no fucking alcoholic.

1018. I drink maybe 12, 20 beers a day.

1019. I don't use any hard alcohol, just beer shit.

1020. And they counted me an alcoholic.

1021. They're full of shit.

1022. I drink for fucking entertainment.

1023. It's the same as fucking.

1024. People fuck for entertainment, don't they?

1025. They go to the theater, watch movies.

1026. Some assholes even go play golf.

1027. That's their entertainment.

1028. Some people shoot guns for entertainment.

1029. I drink for my entertainment.

1030. And they want to call me an alcoholic

1031. and say I got a disease?

1032. They're full of shit.

1033. I can quit any fucking time I want to.

1034. You know what a condom is?

1035. You've been using them.

1036. There's only— yes or no.

1037. I haven't been using them.

1038. I don't I've used one.

1039. Well, I'm going to tell you start using them.

1040. And I don't have a condom, because I

1041. don't use the motherfuckers.

1042. At my age, I don't give a shit.

1043. I ain't got that much further to go anyway.

1044. But this right here, we're going to— yeah,

1045. I know this is— unless you got five dicks, this ain't

1046. no condom, but what's going to happen

1047. is it's going to look like one, and I'm going

1048. to show you how to do this.

1049. Now, I got a beer bottle.

1050. We'll pretend this is a big old fat dick.

1051. Well, a dick is a dick.

1052. Now I got the condom, see.

1053. But what you want to do is you're

1054. going to roll these back, see.

1055. Like this.

1056. See, you get them up here.

1057. And you get it down tight on the end,

1058. and then you just kinds stretch her on down

1059. and make goddamn sure that it gets

1060. all the way down to the bottom.

1061. And then— now you're ready to go, man.

1062. And from now on, you start using these motherfuckers.

1063. At your age, you gotta be a little more careful.

1064. My age, I don't give a fuck.

1065. So I don't use the motherfuckers.

1066. But do you understand how to use it?

1067. That's what they call a reservoir.

1068. You got the condom on, right, and you got the bitch.

1069. Just imagine you got it, OK?

1070. You grab the bitch by the goddamn ass, hand on her side

1071. and ram that fucker in.

1072. And you get her—

1073. Hush a bye baby, don't say a word.

1074. Can I get you a cup of coffee?

1075. Uh, no.

1076. Can you get me something to drink?

1077. I can give you water or coffee.

1078. That isn't what I said.

1079. What the hell.

1080. When I say something to drink, I mean

1081. something with alcohol in it.

1082. - No, sir. - You don't do that?

1083. I don't do that. I never had a drink in my life.

1084. Well, you know what?

1085. You're a better woman than I am a man.

1086. Well, I drink once in a while.

1087. I have to tell you, I do.

1088. I don't drink very well, honey, but there's

1089. something I'd like to ask you.

1090. Yes.

1091. I have a heart, because I love this woman.

1092. And she's a neighbor of yours.

1093. And what I'd like to do for you is, you know,

1094. I could help you financially.

1095. And I want you to take care of her, because I love her a lot.

1096. I know she's screwing around with black people,

1097. which I don't like.

1098. But that's not my business.

1099. She's not my wife no more.

1100. I don't know.

1101. You probably don't know who I'm talking about.

1102. No.

1103. She's a neighbor of yours, and she's no neighbor of mine.

1104. She's an ex-wife of mine.

1105. But her name is Ruth.

1106. She just lives down the street.

1107. Oh, Ruthie, yeah.

1108. Yeah, well, she's an ex-wife.

1109. You didn't know that. - No.

1110. We don't want nobody to know it.

1111. She's running around with black people.

1112. I wouldn't want anybody to know I was married to the bitch.

1113. Excuse me.

1114. You remind me a lot of my husband.

1115. He was an alcoholic, but he was also a professional dancer.

1116. Would you put a record on and do a dance for me?

1117. In a heartbeat.

1118. You ever fuck a fat girl?

1119. Uh-uh.

1120. You ever think about it?

1121. I thought and it.

1122. I never did either but, you know,

1123. but I thought about it one day, and I ran into one

1124. and it was beautiful.

1125. Her face— Sophia Loren wouldn't look that good.

1126. Rachel Welch would be below her looks-wise.

1127. But what I'm going to do is I'm going to pack my beak with some

1128. of that fucking wonder dust.

1129. You know what that is?

1130. It's pure cocaine.

1131. And what' I'm going to do is pack my beak,

1132. and I'm going to practice some dance steps so I can get, you

1133. know, a little hip on there and go

1134. pick me up some bitches tonight at the fucking bar.

1135. What is this shit— outta the fucking way.

1136. How do you want me to fuck her?

1137. How long?

1138. But you see what that once in a while— so

1139. you get a little tighter.

1140. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1141. They don't fucking know what's happening to them.

1142. But they like it in the ass.

1143. I'm going to tell you a little something

1144. that you don't fucking know.

1145. So I'm going to go from here, and then

1146. we'll go to this other shit that, I mean,

1147. you need to know it.

1148. First, you get your cock sucked, and

1149. all these bitches will do that.

1150. And then you tell them you want a ball bath.

1151. You know what a ball bath is?

1152. No, I've never heard of it.

1153. You tell that bitch to lick your fucking nuts.

1154. And that's what a ball bath's all about.

1155. What the hell did you bring a guitar over here for?

1156. I got this course on TV I'm— I got the guitar for.

1157. I'm learning how to play songs with.

1158. Check it out.

1159. I think I'm a guitar player now.

1160. You stupid motherfucker.

1161. He ha ha ha.

1162. I want to kill. I want to kill.

1163. Ha ha ha ha. I want to kill.

1164. I want to kill.

1165. I want to kill.

1166. I want to kill.

1167. I want to kill.

1168. I want to kill.

1169. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

1170. I want to kill.

1171. I want to kill.

1172. Ha ha.

1173. I went to the store, and I was buying stuff,

1174. and there was all kinds of weird people in there,

1175. and they were buying this stuff and everything.

1176. And you know, I was beginning to be— I was lost.

1177. I couldn't find my way back home.

1178. Ruthie, don't you remember how we

1179. used to play when we were kids?

1180. We would play like we was lost just to be playing.

1181. I don't remember.

1182. - Yeah, we used to play all— - No.

1183. You hit me. You hit me.

1184. I never hit you in your entire life.

1185. You always hit me.

1186. I never hit you. Never.

1187. I got you a present.

1188. Oh, that's nice.

1189. Now we gonna listen to some Steppenwolf.

1190. This is Mike and Glenda.

1191. They used to live in Dallas.

1192. Mike was a friend of the family.

1193. He drove my mom to the hospital when she was in labor.

1194. He was a basketball coach.

1195. Now he's a rummy with high blood pressure.

1196. His wife wanted to be a woman sumo wrestler,

1197. but she's not Japanese.

1198. I think they should change that.

1199. If you're obese, you can be a sumo wrestler, no matter

1200. what nationality you are.

1201. That was a lot of fun.

1202. You want to go back in?

1203. Yeah, let's go back inside.

1204. I know you told me never to come over here again, mom,

1205. but I just feel really bad today.

1206. My girlfriend left me for good.

1207. Why?

1208. It's because Bill came over there

1209. and started hitting on her.

1210. She says I come from a scum ball family.

1211. Mom, are you all right?

1212. Is it your heart?

1213. No, I got a hocker.

1214. You gotta to leave now, you motherfucker.

1215. Motherfucker. - All right.

1216. Thanks for coming to my birthday party.

1217. Did you bring me any presents? - Yeah.

1218. Hey, I got you this bottle of hot sauce and an air freshener

1219. so when you take a shit in the morning.

1220. Thanks a lot. That's fucking beautiful.

1221. And Billy, hey, check it out.

1222. I bought you your best thing, man.

1223. Sardines.

1224. Oh, wow, man.

1225. That's beautiful.

1226. That's beautiful.

1227. Man, that's beautiful.

1228. That's great.

1229. And here.

1230. I brought you a bag of chips so in case you

1231. get hungry in the night, you can have a snack.

1232. This is fucking beautiful. Thank you so much.

1233. You're very welcome.

1234. Happy birthday, Bill.

1235. Oh, yeah.

1236. What a fucking party, man.

1237. Let's see those tits.

1238. Yeah, well, you can come up with a birthday

1239. party like this.

1240. Fucking A, Billy.

1241. Way to go, man.

1242. Hey, bro. - Yeah.

1243. Glad you're out of jail.

1244. Let me get this fucking place moving again.

1245. Yeah, yeah.

1246. Yeah, she's still fine, huh?

1247. Hey, you see boots?

1248. I see her.

1249. I don't know for how long.

1250. High five.

1251. - Hey. - Hey.

1252. You want a light?

1253. Mm-hmm.

1254. Thank you, sweetie.

1255. I'm coming out there to dance, baby.

1256. - Oh, let's get it down. - Happy birthday.

1257. You not getting those taller there, Bill.

1258. Everybody.

1259. Go for it, party man. - Come on, man.

1260. Where's the other one?

1261. Hey, party hearty.

1262. Hey, my socks are getting cleaned.

1263. I'm fucking just sweating, you know?

1264. Wash the toe grime off.

1265. Yeah, you get to see it.

1266. I get to see it.

1267. If you can make up your mind.

1268. - Wow.

1269. I should have brought that fucking— hey, I'm going first,

1270. and you're on deck, and you're up the dick.

1271. You got a problem with that?

1272. What do you think?

1273. Well, you know I've gotta be first.

1274. Yeah. - Oh, baby.

1275. Get with it. Get with it.

1276. Yeah. It's good, isn't it?

1277. Ram that.

1278. - Yeah. - She likes it hard.

1279. Give it to her.

1280. Ah, yeah.

1281. - Woo, woo. - Yeah.

1282. Woo.

1283. woo.

1284. You get off before I do.

1285. - Woo. - All right.

1286. All right, you're up, bro.

1287. Yeah.

1288. Woo.

1289. - Oh, yeah. - All right.

1290. My turn.

1291. Hey, baby.

1292. All right, spread them cheeks.

1293. Come on, baby.

1294. I want a good ride here.

1295. Woo. woo.

1296. Woo.

1297. Happy birthday, Bill.

1298. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

1299. Woo.

1300. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

1301. Woo.

1302. Hell, this is a party, goddamn it.

1303. Let's give her the party.

1304. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

1305. Fucking filthy.

1306. Oh, I want to see this.

1307. Oh, oh, oh, oo, oo, oo, oo, oo.

1308. Woo.

1309. Ah, it's good.

1310. Ah, yeah.

1311. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

1312. oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

1313. Oh, yeah, Wolfman.

1314. Oh, yeah.

1315. Oh, it feels good.

1316. Keep it up, like that.

1317. Yeah.

1318. Oh, yeah.

1319. Oh. Feels good.

1320. Don't stop. Keep it going.

1321. I wish I had a camera, man.

1322. I wish I had a camera.

1323. Ah, you're next.

1324. I wish I had a camera, man.

1325. I'll tell you what.

1326. This is the best fucking birthday party I've ever had,

1327. baby. You made the fucking whole gig.

1328. Anything for you.

1329. Let's make a line. Come on.

1330. Yeah.

1331. Fight, fight.

1332. Nigger and a white.

1333. Beat that nigger's ass.

1334. Fight, fight, nigger and a white.

1335. Beat that nigger's ass.

1336. Fight, fight, nigger and a white.

1337. Beat that nigger's ass.

1338. Fight, fight, nigger and a white.

1339. Beat that nigger white.

1340. Fight nigger and a white.

1341. Beat that nigger's ass.

1342. Fight, nigger and a white.

1343. Beat that nigger's ass.

1344. Fight, fight, nigger and a white.

1345. Beat that nigger's ass.

1346. Come on, man.

1347. Hurry up.

1348. I gotta shit really bad. - Shit, man.

1349. Wait until the time for you to shit.

1350. It stinks in here. - Fuck you.

1351. I'll shit in the sink.

1352. Oh, boy.

1353. God.

1354. Hey, I told you I was going to shit in the sink.

1355. - And you made it happen. - What?

1356. You motherfucker.

1357. Did you do that?

1358. I had to.

1359. He won't get out of the shitter.

1360. There ain't fucking reason for that, you motherfucker.

1361. Well, how are we going to get it down?

1362. I'll stomp it down with my foot.

1363. Oh, fuck.

1364. Get away from there.

1365. I told you I'd stop it down.

1366. Hot dogs, hot dogs here.

1367. Get your hot dogs.

1368. Hot dogs.

1369. You know, I always do like a man with a glass in his hand.

1370. You know, you're really wonderful, honey.

1371. Aw.

1372. I really mean it from the bottom of my heart.

1373. You probably heard that shit before, huh?

1374. Yeah, but you say it so nicely.

1375. Just blow on my neck a little. Mmm.

1376. The night was dark, the sky was blue.

1377. And around the corner, the shit wagon flew.

1378. The lights went out, and a scream was heard.

1379. And the cop was hit with a flying turd.

1380. OK.

1381. No toilet paper.

1382. Oh, man.

1383. Man, I gotta fuckin' piss.

1384. I'm too tired.

1385. Why don't you fucking tell somebody who cares.

1386. Well, I don't.

1387. Look at that.

1388. Happy.

1389. No class, dude.

1390. You gotta go, you gotta go.

1391. Kidney relief.

1392. week of my life.

1393. Oh, man.

1394. Fuck you guys.

1395. I pissed where I want.

1396. This is my fucking world.

1397. Listen, I'm going to go first, and then one by one you guys

1398. follow me out, OK?

1399. - Yeah, saying we'll be right. - Yeah, yeah.

1400. Right. - Grandpa grip.

1401. Probably like you, just a prick.

1402. Had a good day, huh.

1403. Hey, guys.

1404. I'm going to grab some beer, OK? - Oh, yeah.

1405. We need more. We're almost out.

1406. Yeah, you're right man.

1407. I'll be right back. - Cool.

1408. Well, you better hurry up.

1409. I better go too and get some ice.

1410. I'll be right back.

1411. Well, where in the hell am I going?

1412. I'm leaving too.

1413. Gotta get some cigarettes. I'll be back.

1414. OK. All right.

1415. - Will you be here? - I'll be here.

1416. All right.

1417. She got our donation of the week.

1418. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Hot dogs.

1419. Hot dogs here.

1420. Get yer hot dogs.

1421. Hot dogs.

1422. Hot dogs.

1423. I stopped by to say goodbye, mama.

1424. My bus leaves in half an hour.

1425. I'm leaving town.

1426. I got something for you.

1427. This is the tape dad shot of you giving birth to me.

1428. I don't want it.

1429. Why?

1430. I want to forget that shit.

1431. All right. Give me a hug, mama.

1432. How's that?

1433. Yeah, I just came in from Dallas, Texas, man.

1434. I'm glad I found this place.

1435. So I just make my Traveler's Cheque out the Galveston

1436. Youth Hostel for $10, right?

1437. Yeah, there's a bathroom down the hall.

1438. So what do you do besides run the hostel?

1439. I remove dead coyotes off the highway.

1440. So when you get a flat one, you got

1441. to do a piece of shovel work.

1442. Hmm. Smells good, Walter.

1443. Hold on. We're going to say grace.

1444. We thank you for this fine roof over our heads

1445. and this fine coyote shlong that we're

1446. going to take into our bodies. Amen.

1447. Oh, let's play a little fris, man.

1448. All right I'll get the paper plate.

1449. I left town to kinda just air my head

1450. out and deal with some issues.

1451. Like what?

1452. Well, I'm an epileptic, so sometimes I have seizures

1453. and it appears like I'm drunk, but I'm really not.

1454. You all right, man?

1455. I'm fucking with you, man.

1456. It's a joke.

1457. Oh.

1458. Yeah, so I'm splitting town today, Walter.

1459. Well, it was nice having you.

1460. You want to purchase a little luck?

1461. What?

1462. - A little crack-a-rooskie. - Oh, no.

1463. I better save my bucks, man.

1464. OK. Hey.

1465. Well, listen.

1466. I'm going to go pack my bags, get my shit together.

1467. All right.

1468. Hey, old dude.

1469. Do you know anything about spark plugs?

1470. Get in the car, motherfucker.

1471. I'll rip your back open.

1472. You know what a choke chain is for motherfucker?

1473. I'm going to rip your dick and balls off.

1474. Oh, man. OK.

1475. It's going to rip this motherfucker right off.

1476. No.

1477. No. No.

1478. Oh, ha ha ha. Oh.

1479. Ha ha.

1480. Ha ha ha ha ha.

1481. That little fucker was fucking my old lady,

1482. and I just got even with him.

1483. Right on, bro.

1484. God, I love a pony.

1485. Oh, that's such a nice horse.

1486. God, I love a pony.

1487. Hey, man. Can you give me a ride?

1488. Where you going?

1489. - Just this way. - Yeah.

1490. Get in the back, though.

1491. I got a bunch of shit in the front seat.

1492. Great. Thanks, man.

1493. Do you want a date?

1494. Yeah, I might just to suck my corn cob.

1495. $20.

1496. Hop in.

1497. God, you're a beautiful bitch.

1498. Hey, you motherfucker.

1499. You remember me?

1500. Look at me, goddamn it. You remember me?

1501. I'm going to kill you, motherfucker.

1502. You remember me? Huh?

1503. Huh?

1504. Take a good fucking look.

1505. Now you remember me, don't you motherfucker?

1506. Listen to me, motherfucker.

1507. Now you remember me good, because it's

1508. the last— you want to call your old lady and tell her goodbye?

1509. Huh?

1510. It might be the last fucking you're going to do,

1511. motherfucker.

1512. You ain't tearing nobody else's dick off.

1513. You know, I— I left town, guys, because I didn't

1514. think that you wanted me.

1515. But now I see that I'm really truly loved by you guys.

1516. And you don't what that— you don't

1517. know what that means to me.

1518. I can't believe it, but we're a family again.

1519. Come on.

1520. Do a little fart for us, Coney Island.

1521. All right.

1522. I love you guys.

1523. I love you guys so much.

1524. You're the best family a boy could have.

1525. And I got a little celebration present for us.

1526. I got us a brand-new— a brand-new

1527. bottle of peanut butter.

1528. We're all going to enjoy this.

1529. You know, no one would believe that we'd be together again.

1530. Mama Ruth, I want you to have the first bite.

1531. Here you go, Ruthie.

1532. You have the first bite.

1533. All right.

1534. Now, you have a bite, Billy.

1535. Now I have a bite.

1536. I'm loved again.

1537. I love you so much, mama Bill.

1538. You'll always be my baby.

1539. I love you, daddy Ruth.

1540. We love you, Coney Island.

1541. We've missed not having you home.

1542. You love me, mama Bill.

1543. More than you'll ever know.

1544. Do you love me, daddy Ruth?

1545. I love you very much, Coney Island.

1546. God, we missed you so.

1547. - So happy. - We're happy.

1548. We're happy again, son.

1549. We'll be a family to the end, huh?

1550. - Forever. - Forever?

1551. Forever and ever.

1552. Hey, let's all go to the park and jump rope.

1553. Well, that's my story.

1554. Dallas, Texas, 1988.

1555. Change your life, baby.

1556. Homeless gang bangs.

1557. A family falling apart.

1558. Love brings them back together.

1559. We jump rope.

1560. I'll see you.

1561. Thanks for watching.