1. Whoo!Copy !req
2. Nice.Copy !req
3. Thanks.Copy !req
4. I don't know how in
the hell you work this way,
but...Copy !req
5. It relaxes me.Copy !req
6. Here,Copy !req
7. let me fix your tie.Copy !req
8. Try not to get paint on me.Copy !req
9. Relax, okay?Copy !req
10. (INHALES LOUDLY)
Hmm, what are you
going to do tonight?Copy !req
11. Just going to hang out?Copy !req
12. Uh, like you really care.Copy !req
13. Don't start with me.Copy !req
14. I'm not.Copy !req
15. You are.Copy !req
16. Now, I told you
about this weeks ago.Copy !req
17. Remember?Copy !req
18. What?Copy !req
19. What?Copy !req
20. You got a little something
going on the side, Steven?Copy !req
21. Hmm? You can tell me.Copy !req
22. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
23. Yeah, I got something
going on the side.
It's called family,Copy !req
24. and I cannot
get out of it, okay?Copy !req
25. How many times
you want to hear that?Copy !req
26. You know what?Copy !req
27. Your family fucked up
or something?Copy !req
28. Hmm? Is that why you're
being so secretive?Copy !req
29. Hey, you just trust me, okay?Copy !req
30. Do not get paint on me.Copy !req
31. Okay.Copy !req
32. Sweetie... (CLEARS THROAT)Copy !req
33. I've got to get going, now.Copy !req
34. What? Right this second?Copy !req
35. Yes. Right this second.Copy !req
36. Okay, you know what? Fine.
Have yourself a real ball.Copy !req
37. Get out of here.Copy !req
38. You're a wonderfully
cruel woman.Copy !req
39. I can't even
take a piss straight.Copy !req
40. I'm vibrating
to fucking death here.Copy !req
41. Shut up, Rolfe.
You're driving me crazy.Copy !req
42. You diminutive French snail.Copy !req
43. You know, Maurice?Copy !req
44. You're the one who said
we could do it in eight hours.Copy !req
45. I could have walked faster.Copy !req
46. That is your problem
for going so slow.Copy !req
47. You need to cool.Copy !req
48. Come on, you bastard!Copy !req
49. What are you stopping for?Copy !req
50. Go on ahead.
I'll catch up with you.Copy !req
51. Steven.Copy !req
52. Good to see you.Copy !req
53. Jerry Robin Jr.Copy !req
54. I have known so many
little people professionally,Copy !req
55. but what I didn't know
is there are
over 100,000 little peopleCopy !req
56. in North America alone.Copy !req
57. Hey, Mom.Copy !req
58. Well, if it isn't Mr. Late.Copy !req
59. I'm not that late.Copy !req
60. Hello, Steven.
Where's your brother?Copy !req
61. What? He's not here yet?Copy !req
62. I can't believe he would
be late to a convention.Copy !req
63. Something must be wrong.Copy !req
64. There's nothing wrong.Copy !req
65. How you doing, girls?Copy !req
66. Your favorite, dear,
egg salad.Copy !req
67. - (CHUCKLES)
- Wow.Copy !req
68. And now, let's cut that rug
courtesy of The Lobsters.Copy !req
69. Hey, everybody. Hello, girls.Copy !req
70. How you doing tonight, Steven?Copy !req
71. Doing the best I can, Bobby.Copy !req
72. How about yourself?Copy !req
73. Doing all right. Thank you.Copy !req
74. Hey, Bobby,
do you see this blonde
coming up here?Copy !req
75. Oh yeah.Copy !req
76. She's been asking us
to introduce you to her
since the last convention.Copy !req
77. No kidding?Copy !req
78. She's an ice skater
in one of those shows.Copy !req
79. - Holiday...
- Holiday On Ice.Copy !req
80. Kitty! Bobby, say hello
to the indomitable
Miss Kitty Katz.Copy !req
81. Well, hello, Mr. President.Copy !req
82. The pleasure's mine.Copy !req
83. See her tits?Copy !req
84. Hello, ladies.Copy !req
85. My daughters.Copy !req
86. Why don't you girls
go out and dance
and have some fun?Copy !req
87. Yeah, girls.Copy !req
88. You ready?Copy !req
89. Let's cut a rug.Copy !req
90. You too.Copy !req
91. I could use a good stiff one.Copy !req
92. - Oh, I mean a cocktail.
- (CHUCKLES)Copy !req
93. Hey, Steven!Copy !req
94. Over here!Copy !req
95. Hey, Rolfe!Copy !req
96. Rolfie...Copy !req
97. My friend,
you are in the doghouse.Copy !req
98. Mom and Pop are pissed.Copy !req
99. That's great.
Steven, this is Maurice.
Maurice is an asshole.Copy !req
100. Bonjour.Copy !req
101. Hey, the asshole
is the strongest muscle
in the human body.Copy !req
102. Do you think there's
any food left?Copy !req
103. Oh, man, I really
couldn't tell you, man.Copy !req
104. My name's Lucy.Copy !req
105. Hi, Lucy.Copy !req
106. Hey, don't, don't go
ripping off food now.Copy !req
107. Hey, you can't steal food.
Food's from God.Copy !req
108. It's plentiful.
God wants me to eat.Copy !req
109. Come on. Let's go.Copy !req
110. What the fuck's going on, man?
You want to go grab
a drink somewhere?Copy !req
111. No. I'm kind of tired. I...Copy !req
112. What about tomorrow?Copy !req
113. Oh, man, I can't tomorrow.
Tonight's my last night.Copy !req
114. I've got a class
I've got to put through
finals all week.Copy !req
115. What's the story anyway, man?Copy !req
116. What the hell happened?
Where you been?Copy !req
117. That's what happened.Copy !req
118. What do you mean,
that's what happened?Copy !req
119. - You drove this thing
400 miles?
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
120. Yeah, well,
Maurice builds them,Copy !req
121. and I can't afford to put
out for a car right now,
so I figured, what the hell?Copy !req
122. Hey, you laugh, man.
It got me here.Copy !req
123. Man, give mom and dad a call,
let 'em know you're all right.
And for Christ sakeCopy !req
124. don't let them know you're
riding around on this thing.
Mom'll shit.Copy !req
125. Yeah, well, don't you
go telling them either.Copy !req
126. Don't I go telling them?Copy !req
127. Assholes!Copy !req
128. All of you, fucking assholes!Copy !req
129. Where you staying tonight?Copy !req
130. We're going to find
a cheap motel,Copy !req
131. and then I'm going
to give Sally a holler...Copy !req
132. Ah...Copy !req
133. Sack over there
for a few nights.Copy !req
134. Yeah, you might as well
get used to it.Copy !req
135. You two are going to
end up together
no matter what happens.Copy !req
136. They alleged that we were
stealing food.Copy !req
137. - It's good to see you, man.
- Yeah.Copy !req
138. And try and make it
a little sooner next time.Copy !req
139. We can shake it up
a little bit.Copy !req
140. I know. Well, next year.Copy !req
141. Have a good time
with Sally, buddy.
You know where to find me.Copy !req
142. Careful, buddy.Copy !req
143. So did you have good time?Copy !req
144. Was it everything
you expected?Copy !req
145. Hmm, it was okay.Copy !req
146. Whatever it was. (CHUCKLES)Copy !req
147. - Steven?
- Hmm?Copy !req
148. I don't want us keeping
secrets from each other.Copy !req
149. Maybe, it's too late
to start obsessing, okay?Copy !req
150. You're the one
making it happen.Copy !req
151. Would you just
let it go, okay?Copy !req
152. I can't.Copy !req
153. You're playing me.Copy !req
154. I know it.
I just can't figure out why.Copy !req
155. You do not think that
I'm seeing someone?Copy !req
156. No, of course not.Copy !req
157. Hey, you know how
we're always talking
about our futureCopy !req
158. and what we're gonna do
and where we're gonna live...Copy !req
159. - Yeah.
- ... and all that other stuff?Copy !req
160. Can we talk about this later?Copy !req
161. No, we need to talk, Steven.Copy !req
162. - Right now?
- Yeah.Copy !req
163. Carol, all right.Copy !req
164. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
165. (WHISPERING) This better not
be an all-night marathon
or I am going to kill you.Copy !req
166. No, it won't. I promise.Copy !req
167. All right.
What do you got then?Copy !req
168. (CHUCKLES) Um...Copy !req
169. I think maybe I'm pregnant.Copy !req
170. Oh, Man.Copy !req
171. We've been using protection.Copy !req
172. Yeah, except for those
two or three times a weekCopy !req
173. when you wake me up
in the middle of the night,Copy !req
174. and don't tell me
you don't remember, either.Copy !req
175. I thought
you wanted kids, Steven?Copy !req
176. Yeah, but not right
this second. No.Copy !req
177. Just tell me what you feel.Copy !req
178. Well, I'm not going to
tell you I'm thrilledCopy !req
179. about an unplanned pregnancy,
all right?Copy !req
180. I thought you'd be okay
with this.Copy !req
181. We've talked about it,
like, a million times.Copy !req
182. Yeah, for the future.Copy !req
183. I mean, this is a huge step.Copy !req
184. Yeah, but...Copy !req
185. these are our baby years,
Steven.Copy !req
186. Let's just do it.Copy !req
187. Jesus Christ, Carol, I mean...Copy !req
188. this is the sort of thing
that people talk about,Copy !req
189. you know, before
they jump into it.Copy !req
190. Well, that's what
we're doing now.Copy !req
191. Yeah, after the fact.
It's done.Copy !req
192. Whoa,
we're being invaded.Copy !req
193. A menage a trois.Copy !req
194. (CHUCKLES) I've never been
to Hollywood before.Copy !req
195. Hollywood's a toilet.Copy !req
196. Hey! Says you.
I feel glamorous
just being here.Copy !req
197. She locked me out
of my bedroom, man.Copy !req
198. Oh, that's sad.Copy !req
199. That woman does it
to me all the time.Copy !req
200. You got to get
a new woman, like me.Copy !req
201. Hey, baby, what's up?Copy !req
202. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
203. Hello?
- Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
204. (WHISTLES) Hello?Copy !req
205. Hello?Copy !req
206. Can we have a room?Copy !req
207. See that sign?Copy !req
208. We don't allow prostitution
in here.Copy !req
209. You think I'm a prostitute?
Huh! Wow.Copy !req
210. You didn't tell me
you were a prostitute.Copy !req
211. Oh, man,
she ain't a prostitute.Copy !req
212. We just want a room.Copy !req
213. I only have one room.Copy !req
214. You have to share.Copy !req
215. You only got one?Copy !req
216. How much, man?Copy !req
217. One lady,Copy !req
218. and two little children?Copy !req
219. Hey!Copy !req
220. I'll make a special
price for you.Copy !req
221. - 95 bucks.
- These are not my children.Copy !req
222. Ooh.Copy !req
223. Ooh.Copy !req
224. You got any rubbers?Copy !req
225. No, I don't, and if you start
fucking that girlCopy !req
226. while I'm trying to sleep,
I'm gonna kill you.Copy !req
227. (CHUCKLES) Then you put your
headphones on and face
the wall, my friend,Copy !req
228. 'cause tonight,
I'm feeling good.Copy !req
229. I'm glad someone is.Copy !req
230. Oh, God,
I feel so much better.Copy !req
231. I'm going to take a shower.Copy !req
232. Hey, Lucy. You notice
how we stalk one another?Copy !req
233. For you.Copy !req
234. - For moi.
- Oui.Copy !req
235. I like to drink.Copy !req
236. It smells good.Copy !req
237. Salud.Copy !req
238. Oh, say, that's smooth.
What is this?Copy !req
239. It's an original
creation of mine.Copy !req
240. Imported cherry-flavored
morphine syrup from France...Copy !req
241. and cognac.Copy !req
242. Ooh...Copy !req
243. I just wish I had
a fucking crepe.Copy !req
244. You're a very interesting man.
You're very direct.Copy !req
245. I think you have
a lot of owl medicine in you.Copy !req
246. (MOUTHING) Come here.
Come here.Copy !req
247. You're so pretty.Copy !req
248. Hmm.Copy !req
249. Oh.Copy !req
250. - What?
- Fuck.Copy !req
251. - What is it, your back?
- No.Copy !req
252. Does your back hurt?Copy !req
253. Here, stand up, stand up.Copy !req
254. It's gonna be okay.
Look, here, ready?Copy !req
255. - (CRACKING)
- Oh, God! Lucy, no. Ah!Copy !req
256. Ah.Copy !req
257. What did you do?Copy !req
258. I adjusted you.Copy !req
259. Make another drink.Copy !req
260. - Here.
- God...Copy !req
261. That is better. (CHUCKLES)Copy !req
262. Mmm...Copy !req
263. Daddy's back.
(CHUCKLING)Copy !req
264. Hey, Rolfe,
you want a cocktail?Copy !req
265. In your dreams.Copy !req
266. Hmm, it's okay, look...Copy !req
267. He's got a prescription.Copy !req
268. Yeah?
Well, that doctor he goes to,
he ought to be locked up.Copy !req
269. Now I'm real sore
and I'm real tired,Copy !req
270. so keep it down...Copy !req
271. Hmm.Copy !req
272. And no smoking.Copy !req
273. Shh, quiet.Copy !req
274. Oh! Merde.Copy !req
275. Merde... (GRUNTS)Copy !req
276. Fuck.Copy !req
277. Hey, buddy, are you all right?Copy !req
278. Hey, Maurice.Copy !req
279. What's the matter with him?Copy !req
280. Uh, he's got ulcers,
a herniated disk.Copy !req
281. It's just little people shit,
but he's just too stubborn
to take care of himself.Copy !req
282. - You all right?
- Bed.Copy !req
283. - Huh?
- Bed.Copy !req
284. You're bleeding, man.Copy !req
285. Oh, fuck...Copy !req
286. You're bleeding.
I'm going to call a doctor.Copy !req
287. Yeah, hello. Could you get me
the number, please, of
a Dr. Carl Morris in Encino?Copy !req
288. Rolfe!Copy !req
289. No fucking doctors!Copy !req
290. No doctors!Copy !req
291. Jesus Christ, man.
I'm just trying
to fucking help you.Copy !req
292. I'm getting out of here.Copy !req
293. So hot.Copy !req
294. Who is it?Copy !req
295. Hey, it's me, Rolfe.Copy !req
296. - Rolfe.
- (BARKING)Copy !req
297. Let me in.Copy !req
298. Be quiet, Buster.Copy !req
299. Oh, I wasn't sure
I'd ever see you again. Mmm.Copy !req
300. Well, I'm back.Copy !req
301. I saw your article in Harper's
about the Republicans.Copy !req
302. Becoming very successful.Copy !req
303. Yeah, well,
you need to get syndicated.
That's the ticket.Copy !req
304. Oh, look at the little
love nest.Copy !req
305. Come on, Rolfe. I don't have
a boyfriend, okay?Copy !req
306. You know,
I don't see two beds.Copy !req
307. Well, he sleeps on the couch.Copy !req
308. Lighten up, Rolfe. God.Copy !req
309. We aren't close like that.Copy !req
310. I let him fuck me twice, okay?Copy !req
311. I felt sorry for him.Copy !req
312. His whole family was evicted
from their apartment
in the Gaza Strip.Copy !req
313. - I mean, how would you feel?
- (SCOFFS)Copy !req
314. You know what, Sally?
You need to cut loose
from all this crazy shitCopy !req
315. that seems to
follow you around.Copy !req
316. It wouldn't be like that
if we were together again.Copy !req
317. Come on, Rolfe.
I'm ready for an
adult relationship.Copy !req
318. Yeah, well,
it sure looks like it.Copy !req
319. - Sally?
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
320. - It's Adrissi.
- Sally?Copy !req
321. Let me come talk with him.Copy !req
322. Uh-uh. You wait here.
(WHISPERING) Be quiet.Copy !req
323. Uh, what are you doing here?Copy !req
324. I have quit my job.Copy !req
325. Adrissi, how do you expect
to get your own placeCopy !req
326. if you can't keep a job
more than one day?Copy !req
327. Do not give to me
this shit, all right?Copy !req
328. I just need money
for the bus now.Copy !req
329. "Do not give to me this shit?"
Adrissi, I have to
pay my phone bill.Copy !req
330. All right,
I will pay you back,
in your G spot.Copy !req
331. Fine, I won't pay
my phone bill.
What do you care?Copy !req
332. Rolfe, give me
a couple of bucks.Copy !req
333. - Keep your mouth shut.
- (WHISPERING) Jesus Christ...Copy !req
334. You... you... you need
some money, man?
How much do you need?Copy !req
335. Who is this man
in your bedroom? Huh?Copy !req
336. (STUTTERING)Copy !req
337. Let's cut the bullshitCopy !req
338. and you just tell him
what you just told me
and get it over with.Copy !req
339. What is this man doing
in your bedroom?Copy !req
340. It's none of your
business, okay?Copy !req
341. So why don't you get
your shit togetherCopy !req
342. and get the hell out
before I call the cops.Copy !req
343. No. I want to know now
why this man is
in your bedroom.Copy !req
344. Well...Copy !req
345. It's because we are
going to fuck, okay?Copy !req
346. Is that what you want to hear?Copy !req
347. (STUTTERING) Adrissi,
we're not fucking.Copy !req
348. So get your unemployed ass
out of my apartment now.Copy !req
349. But all those things
that you told me
in the darkness.Copy !req
350. You said I was
the sexiest stud you had.
You opened your heart to me.Copy !req
351. You better keep your
mouth shut, Adrissi.Copy !req
352. You told me
I was a hunk, Sally.Copy !req
353. Shut the fuck up!Copy !req
354. In a while, man,Copy !req
355. - this ain't going to seem
like such a big deal.
- Rolfe, don't.Copy !req
356. - You fucked Sally!
- (GRUNTS)Copy !req
357. You fucking whore!Copy !req
358. Ah! You've really done it now,
Sally.Copy !req
359. No. You get out of my way now.Copy !req
360. Stop it. Get off of him.Copy !req
361. Stop it.Copy !req
362. Get your hands off of him.
Stop it.Copy !req
363. No. Get off of him.Copy !req
364. Oh, I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?Copy !req
365. Huh, I'm out of here.Copy !req
366. But Rolfe,
you got to tell the cops
what he did to us.Copy !req
367. You know what, Sally?Copy !req
368. Why don't you tell the cops?Copy !req
369. Wait two minutesCopy !req
370. then look to see
if two visible lines
have formed in the tube.Copy !req
371. Two visible lines
indicate a positive test
for being knocked up.Copy !req
372. (WHISTLE BLOWING)
Let's go, Chuck. Let's go.Copy !req
373. You think you've
got what it takesCopy !req
374. to be a firefighter, Chuck?
I don't think so.Copy !req
375. Come on, fat boy.Copy !req
376. Didn't I tell you to lose
some of that blubber
four months ago?Copy !req
377. Yes, I did and you have not.Copy !req
378. How in the hell are you
going to be any goodCopy !req
379. to anybody else if you
can't put goddamn
dirt on a fire?Copy !req
380. Stop. Get out the horseshoe
and get the hose.
Get your ass up the hill.Copy !req
381. Your execution is piss poor.
Fires are still burning.Copy !req
382. Not only are you slow,
but you suck at it.Copy !req
383. You're going up
to the 18th floor, Chuck.Copy !req
384. You've got a woman and child.Copy !req
385. What?Copy !req
386. What do you think
you're doing?Copy !req
387. What?Copy !req
388. You're being a total asshole.Copy !req
389. Take five, Chuck.Copy !req
390. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
391. Is Steven still around?Copy !req
392. Oh no, he left already.Copy !req
393. He'll be back in a week.Copy !req
394. - A week?
- Who are you?Copy !req
395. I'm Rolfe. I'm his brother.Copy !req
396. Who are you?Copy !req
397. Oh, I'm... I'm Carol.Copy !req
398. Listen, Carol, do you think
I could come in?Copy !req
399. I'm a little messed up
right now.Copy !req
400. Yeah, I was going to
ask you about that.Copy !req
401. Thank you.Copy !req
402. You were attacked?Copy !req
403. Oh, my god, you're kidding?Copy !req
404. Does it look like I'm kidding?Copy !req
405. Well, hey, come on.
Let me, uh...Copy !req
406. So, what, you got
mugged or something?Copy !req
407. You could say that.
A guy tried to kill me.Copy !req
408. Judging from those
bruises on your neck
I'd say he was pretty serious.Copy !req
409. Well, he's probably
in jail by now.Copy !req
410. Um, so,Copy !req
411. are you and Steven,Copy !req
412. uh... blood brothers?Copy !req
413. Well, you could
say that, we're...Copy !req
414. We're twins.Copy !req
415. Wow.Copy !req
416. God, I... I can't believe that.Copy !req
417. We've been living together
since last May.Copy !req
418. We're getting married
in the summer.Copy !req
419. Well, he didn't
mention anything.Copy !req
420. No, but maybe
he wanted it to be a surprise.Copy !req
421. Listen, um...
Are your parents, um...Copy !req
422. What, little?Copy !req
423. Yeah.Copy !req
424. Steven, he's the big guy
in the family.Copy !req
425. Listen, Carol, do you think
it would be okay if I...Copy !req
426. I sat down for a while?
I've nowhere else to go
just at the moment.Copy !req
427. No. Sure. Um...Copy !req
428. Stay as long as you like.Copy !req
429. I, um... I have to go
out for a few hours,Copy !req
430. but I'd really like
to talk to you.Copy !req
431. Oh, God, this feels good.Copy !req
432. Would you like something
to eat?
Do you want some coffee?Copy !req
433. Rolfe?Copy !req
434. Good morning, Romeo.Copy !req
435. Hmm, bonjour.Copy !req
436. How do you feel?
Do you feel better?Copy !req
437. No, I feel like death.Copy !req
438. That's great.
That's a great transition.Copy !req
439. Maid.Copy !req
440. I'm sorry. Please move along.
We're making a love
nest in here.Copy !req
441. It's 3:00
and I want to go home.Copy !req
442. Go away.
We are eating each other.Copy !req
443. Where's Rolfe?Copy !req
444. He left because you
were mean to him.Copy !req
445. (KNOCKING)
Check-out time is 12 o'clock.Copy !req
446. (GROANS) Merde, I'll kill him.Copy !req
447. You're paying an extra night.Copy !req
448. Hey. Hey, what are you doing?
Put that away.Copy !req
449. Open the fucking door
or I'm calling the cops.Copy !req
450. Hey, you go away. You called
me a prostitute last night.
I heard what you said...Copy !req
451. Open up!Copy !req
452. Bastard! I have had enough of
name-calling, you understand?Copy !req
453. What the hell?Copy !req
454. I've had enough
of peace loving,
you understand?Copy !req
455. I'm calling you a prostitute.Copy !req
456. You're a prostitute.Copy !req
457. Come on.Copy !req
458. Get your shit together.
You want to get pinched?Copy !req
459. You were so beautiful
out there.Copy !req
460. Come on, Maurice.Copy !req
461. Tres bien.Copy !req
462. that's called the BA.Copy !req
463. Now, you want to check
your regulator every day.Copy !req
464. Now, rule number one
with the regulator is
never use oil in it.Copy !req
465. You use oil in this regulator,
and you're going to end up
in a situation.Copy !req
466. I'm gonna take five.Copy !req
467. Carol, what's going on.
Is everything okay?Copy !req
468. Your brother dropped by
this morning.Copy !req
469. Did you drive all this
way to tell me that?Copy !req
470. I think you could have
let me know that everyone
in your family is a midget.Copy !req
471. Well, they're not
midgets, Carol.
They're dwarfs.Copy !req
472. Whatever.Copy !req
473. It suddenly occurred to me
that it's a genetic thing,
right?Copy !req
474. Yeah, it's a genetic thing.Copy !req
475. Okay, so just tell me.Copy !req
476. If you and I
have a kid together,
is it going to be a midget?Copy !req
477. Carol, don't say
midget, say dwarf.Copy !req
478. Look, just answer
the goddamn question, Steven.Copy !req
479. It's possible.Copy !req
480. It's definitely possible.Copy !req
481. Oh, Jesus Christ.Copy !req
482. Look, Carol. Hey...Copy !req
483. If it makes you
feel any better,
I was going to tell you.Copy !req
484. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
485. So why didn't you?Copy !req
486. I don't know.
I guess, I didn't think it was
that important, you know.Copy !req
487. You didn't think
it was important?Copy !req
488. Don't start passing
judgment on me, Carol.Copy !req
489. Hey, I'm not passing
judgment on you, okay?Copy !req
490. I'm just trying to understand.Copy !req
491. Look, you know,
I honestly don't know why
I didn't mention it.Copy !req
492. I guess I didn't think
it was the right time.Copy !req
493. What's going on here, Steven?Copy !req
494. Don't you want to be
in a relationship with me?Copy !req
495. Where in the hell
did that come from, Carol?Copy !req
496. You know what? You go ahead
and do whatever you want.
You do what you want.Copy !req
497. What, you just don't care?Copy !req
498. Now, you know I care,
you know damn right I care,Copy !req
499. but I'm not going to sit here
and jump through hoopsCopy !req
500. because you're threatening me.
No.Copy !req
501. Who's threatening you?
I was not threatening you.Copy !req
502. You were. You know, this whole
will-to-motherhood thing,
Carol.Copy !req
503. It's becoming
quite an obsession.Copy !req
504. (SCOFFS) I thought that's why
we were getting married.Copy !req
505. Look, there's other reasons
that people get married.Copy !req
506. We could always adopt.Copy !req
507. What, and never have children
of our own?Copy !req
508. I just don't know if that's
gonna be possible.Copy !req
509. What did you think I was going
to do when I found out
your family were all midgets?Copy !req
510. Did you think
I'd just walk away?Copy !req
511. Look, Carol,
you keep saying midgets,Copy !req
512. you're going to piss
a whole bunch of people off...Copy !req
513. I really don't care
about that stuff, okay?Copy !req
514. Okay.Copy !req
515. Okay.Copy !req
516. Would it really be that big
of a deal if our kid
was a dwarf?Copy !req
517. Look, it's not something
you just walk into.Copy !req
518. Well, you could have told me.Copy !req
519. I've got...Copy !req
520. I've got to go back
to work, okay?Copy !req
521. I'll call you when
I get some time
to talk, all right?Copy !req
522. (SOFTLY) Go home.Copy !req
523. Okay...Copy !req
524. Catch me if you can.Copy !req
525. I can't believe
I didn't see it.Copy !req
526. What?Copy !req
527. What a treasure you are.Copy !req
528. Tell me where you come from.Copy !req
529. Well, my body's originally
from New York,Copy !req
530. but I've been commuting
for the last three years
in Phoenix.Copy !req
531. - Phoenix?
- Hmm.Copy !req
532. Tell me about Phoenix.Copy !req
533. Well, my ex-old man, Jerome,
he used to whittle
wood jewelry.Copy !req
534. See, he whittled all this
for me. He even whittled me
a wedding ring.Copy !req
535. See the splinter?Copy !req
536. Then he turned really evil.Copy !req
537. He was a truck driver
and those guys are all
on crank and there's those,Copy !req
538. you know, transsexual
prostitutes that...Copy !req
539. Anyway, he flipped out
and thought I was
an alien walk-in.Copy !req
540. You don't want to
hear this story?Copy !req
541. No. No, I do.Copy !req
542. What?Copy !req
543. - (SCREAMS)
- Hmm...Copy !req
544. Oh, really? No, I...
I'm sorry you're lonely.Copy !req
545. Yeah, well, maybe your...Copy !req
546. Your security guard pal...Copy !req
547. No, maybe he could come over
and comfort you.Copy !req
548. No, really.Copy !req
549. Sally, I'm not being snide.Copy !req
550. No...Copy !req
551. You know, okay, I'm a bastard.Copy !req
552. All right. Yeah,Copy !req
553. I'm a motherfucker.
I'm a dick, too.Copy !req
554. Yeah, I'm a fuckwad!Copy !req
555. I'm a fucking fart!Copy !req
556. Sally, I'm going to hang up.Copy !req
557. I... Sally?Copy !req
558. I'm sorry. I, uh...Copy !req
559. That was the girl
that tried to have me killed
this morning.Copy !req
560. Oh, wow.
I guess you have good reason
to be cross with her.Copy !req
561. Look, I'm sorry
if I acted weird this morning.Copy !req
562. Oh, it's all right.Copy !req
563. I was just in shock is all.Copy !req
564. Meeting me.Copy !req
565. I'm pregnant, okay? Um...Copy !req
566. It was something
we were making plans for.
We just, uh...Copy !req
567. We weren't planning
on it happening now.Copy !req
568. Right. And, uh, Steven,
he never told you about me?Copy !req
569. No, but Steven's
a normal-sized guy,Copy !req
570. so maybe a child of ours
wouldn't be affected.Copy !req
571. Well, I'm not sure
that's how it works.Copy !req
572. Well, I mean, what do I know?Copy !req
573. You know, I'm not a doctor.Copy !req
574. I know some people,
though, who are, you know,Copy !req
575. they'd refer you to
a specialist or something.Copy !req
576. I could ask them.Copy !req
577. Yeah.Copy !req
578. Congratulations...Copy !req
579. By the way.Copy !req
580. Thanks. (LAUGHS)Copy !req
581. You know, we could have just
gotten this information
over the phone.Copy !req
582. Yeah, we could, butCopy !req
583. what you need now
is a real support network.Copy !req
584. Hope my Uncle Bobby
don't yell at me.Copy !req
585. Huh?Copy !req
586. Now, don't freak out,
it's not like
we're all dysfunctionalCopy !req
587. or anything like that.Copy !req
588. Why's he going to yell at you?Copy !req
589. I didn't make the convention
Sunday night.Copy !req
590. The con... What convention?Copy !req
591. It's a, It's a thing
for the little people.Copy !req
592. It's kind of an annual thing
where they all get togetherCopy !req
593. from all over the country
and they chat,Copy !req
594. meet old friends,
you know, catch up.Copy !req
595. Asshole.Copy !req
596. We're here.Copy !req
597. Rolfe's here!Copy !req
598. My dad's in the backyard.Copy !req
599. Okay.Copy !req
600. Margaret, this is Carol.Copy !req
601. Carol, this is Margaret.
Margaret's my cousin.Copy !req
602. Hi, there.Copy !req
603. Hi.Copy !req
604. So, you and Steven
are getting married?Copy !req
605. Yeah.Copy !req
606. I think maybe he wanted it
to be a surprise.Copy !req
607. Why?Copy !req
608. Now that you're
expecting a baby,Copy !req
609. having to grope around
in a fog of uncertainty.Copy !req
610. If I have this baby
and it turns out to be little,Copy !req
611. what does that mean
in terms of raising him?Copy !req
612. There'll be rough patches,
there's no doubt about it.Copy !req
613. But that's what life
is all about,
dealing with hardship.Copy !req
614. If a person can't
deal with that,
then they can't ever be happy.Copy !req
615. Would you have
had us again, Daddy?Copy !req
616. I'd have to think long
and hard about that, kiddo,Copy !req
617. long and hard.Copy !req
618. - All right.
- (ALL LAUGH)Copy !req
619. I think what Carol's
thinking aboutCopy !req
620. is the medical aspects
of the situation.Copy !req
621. Yeah, that's totally
what I'm thinking about.Copy !req
622. Well, I can give you
a list of doctors to callCopy !req
623. and provide you
with some literature
on organizations.Copy !req
624. That's a good idea.Copy !req
625. - Look at it
when you get a chance.
- I will.Copy !req
626. Thank you. Thanks.Copy !req
627. Look, Carol,
if you ever need anybody
to talk to,Copy !req
628. I want you to call me, okay?Copy !req
629. Yeah.Copy !req
630. I mean it.Copy !req
631. I'm sorry.Copy !req
632. Sweetheart, you
don't have anything
to be sorry about.Copy !req
633. I'm just so embarrassed.Copy !req
634. Why on earth would
you feel embarrassed?Copy !req
635. Oh, because here I am
questioning whether or notCopy !req
636. to bring a person into
the world who's just like you.Copy !req
637. Oh, God,
what that must sound like.Copy !req
638. You're only concerned
about your baby.Copy !req
639. That's natural, honey.Copy !req
640. I just want my kid to have
a happy, productive life.Copy !req
641. Of course you do.Copy !req
642. There's nothing
about being littleCopy !req
643. that precludes being happy
or productive.Copy !req
644. Yeah.Copy !req
645. Look at us.Copy !req
646. Hi, Steven.Copy !req
647. Hey, sweetie. How you doing?Copy !req
648. - Okay.
- Good, good.Copy !req
649. Have you been thinking
about things?Copy !req
650. A little bit, you know.
I mean, it's beenCopy !req
651. pretty busy up here. Um...Copy !req
652. Say, how'd it go with Rolfe?Copy !req
653. He's asleep on the couch.Copy !req
654. Well, good for him.
Good for him.Copy !req
655. What? Is that a problem?Copy !req
656. No, no. That's not a problem.
No problem at all.Copy !req
657. We went for brunch
this afternoonCopy !req
658. in your uncle's house.Copy !req
659. God, they were so nice.Copy !req
660. Bobby invited me to a party,Copy !req
661. at Jerry Robin Jr.'s house
tomorrow night.Copy !req
662. I was kind of hoping
we could all go together.Copy !req
663. Tomorrow night?Copy !req
664. Yeah.Copy !req
665. Well, sure, Carol.
I tell you what. Why don't
I just meet you there.Copy !req
666. Um, you know what?Copy !req
667. My battery
is just about to die on me,
so I will see you tomorrow.Copy !req
668. Sleep tight and sweet dreams,
sweetie. (PHONE CLICKS)Copy !req
669. Okay.Copy !req
670. That was smart.Copy !req
671. You want to go to a party
tomorrow night?Copy !req
672. That looks like
the mothership.Copy !req
673. - You look beautiful.
- Thanks.Copy !req
674. You said these parties
got a little wild.
I never expected this.Copy !req
675. Jerry sure can throw a party.Copy !req
676. This puppy's loud.Copy !req
677. You know, Jerry,Copy !req
678. I think you might be
a little too old for me.Copy !req
679. Too old?Copy !req
680. Well, you done hurt
my feelings.Copy !req
681. Oh, excuse me.Copy !req
682. - Hey, baby.
- Hey, sweetie.Copy !req
683. Ooh, have you been drinking?Copy !req
684. No, silly. I can't drink.
I'm pregnant.Copy !req
685. Yes, you are.Copy !req
686. Listen, I want
to introduce you to a couple
of my students.Copy !req
687. Darlene, Bernadette...
This is my fiancee, Carol.Copy !req
688. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
689. That's my favorite dress.Copy !req
690. There's sure a lot of midgets
around here.Copy !req
691. Um, actually,
it's little people.Copy !req
692. There we go.
Look who's brushing up
on the terminology.Copy !req
693. Is that Jerry Robin, Jr.
sitting over there?Copy !req
694. It sure is.Copy !req
695. I'm going to get an autograph.Copy !req
696. - Hey.
- Yeah?Copy !req
697. You want to get
a drink or something?Copy !req
698. I'd love to get a drink.Copy !req
699. - Hey, Sally. Hey, Rolfe.
- Hey.Copy !req
700. Hey, have you seen
Maurice and Lucy?Copy !req
701. Oh, no, not again.Copy !req
702. What happened to your eye?Copy !req
703. He was defending my honor.Copy !req
704. Yeah. Want to get a drink?Copy !req
705. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
706. That bourgeois shit
makes me want to vomit.
Do you hear me?Copy !req
707. You don't approve
of my methodsCopy !req
708. and I don't approve
of your methods.Copy !req
709. Would you mind not
doing that, please?Copy !req
710. Oh... Doing what?Copy !req
711. Waving your finger
in people's faces. It's rude.Copy !req
712. Hey, you better back off,
Goldie Hawn.Copy !req
713. My man can do
what he wants to do.Copy !req
714. Listen to me,
because I want you to knowCopy !req
715. what I think about
your organization.Copy !req
716. You go
"We are the little people.Copy !req
717. "Please, we are so cute
and cuddly.Copy !req
718. "Don't discriminate
against us."Copy !req
719. Our organization has
battled long and hardCopy !req
720. to sweep away those
stereotypical images.Copy !req
721. Another thing,Copy !req
722. I think the term little people
is demeaning.Copy !req
723. Carol, Sally.Copy !req
724. What sort
of political activity
do you suggest we createCopy !req
725. once we disband
because we're so bourgeois?Copy !req
726. What you people
don't understandCopy !req
727. is that political power,
it grows out of
the barrel of a gun.Copy !req
728. Yeah, right. Now you
want us to go out and commit
violence in the street.Copy !req
729. We don't do that here.Copy !req
730. Americans don't do that.Copy !req
731. Oh, Americans...Copy !req
732. Yeah, the people
that saved your ass
during World War II.Copy !req
733. Oh, now you want to talk
about the fucking war?Copy !req
734. Why are we talking
to this guy?Copy !req
735. He is very passionate.Copy !req
736. Don't you patronize me.Copy !req
737. - Yeah.
Who do you think
you are?Copy !req
738. - I am French...
Take it outside, Man.Copy !req
739. And I'm proud to be French.Copy !req
740. I'm proud not to eat
this disgusting swillCopy !req
741. you people call cuisine.
I am proud.Copy !req
742. - Excuse my friend.
- Fuck!Copy !req
743. Fucking asshole!Copy !req
744. Bobby is my uncle and besides
being my uncle, he happens
to be a great guy.Copy !req
745. Ah, he is nothing.Copy !req
746. Oh, fuck!
Who the fuck are you anyway?Copy !req
747. Hey, I know who I am
and I know what I am.Copy !req
748. I am a Marxist!
Who are you?Copy !req
749. I don't want to hear about it.
Just, just lay off.Copy !req
750. I don't even wanna see you
the fuck near him.
You got it?Copy !req
751. Fine.Copy !req
752. So have you known
Rolfe a long time?Copy !req
753. Yeah. We used to date
in high school.Copy !req
754. - Oh, really?
- Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
755. He went to high school?Copy !req
756. - Yeah. That was ages ago.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)Copy !req
757. I'm just waiting...Copy !req
758. What's the matter, Steven?
You got some kind
of identity crisis going on?Copy !req
759. What are you talking about?Copy !req
760. Why didn't you tell
your girlfriend about us?Copy !req
761. What's it to you, man?Copy !req
762. Okay, forget about us.
Forget about family.
You just focus on this.Copy !req
763. You knocked up this great gal,
and you didn't tell herCopy !req
764. that her baby's
probably going to be little.Copy !req
765. Now, how the hell is that
any of your business?Copy !req
766. Oh I'm sorry,
I'm your brother.Copy !req
767. You know and it hurts
like hell to think you're
so fucking ashamed of us.Copy !req
768. Goddamn you, Rolfe.Copy !req
769. Man, sometimes you are
so fucking full of shit.Copy !req
770. - I'm full of shit?
- Yeah, full of shit.Copy !req
771. All right, look,
just because I'm not
one of these guysCopy !req
772. who has to bare his soul
to everybody I meet...Copy !req
773. I'm not like you, Rolfe.Copy !req
774. I'm sorry. I should have
been more careful.Copy !req
775. I should have kept it in mind
that anyone who meets youCopy !req
776. has got to just
automatically knowCopy !req
777. that you got a twin brother
who's a fucking midget.Copy !req
778. You know, when she saw me,
she got it straight up...Copy !req
779. And I just...Copy !req
780. I just...Copy !req
781. Introduced her to some people
who could answer
some questions for her,Copy !req
782. and that's it.Copy !req
783. Look, it's my life too, okay?Copy !req
784. If you want to blame
someone for being nosy,
then blame me.Copy !req
785. I needed information.
I made sure I got it.
Rolfe didn't do anything.Copy !req
786. You don't have to defend me.Copy !req
787. I can if I want.Copy !req
788. I'm going to find Sally.
I'm going to take Sally home.Copy !req
789. Look, you want me
to drive you?Copy !req
790. No. I'll take a cab.Copy !req
791. Sally! Sally!Copy !req
792. Are you mad at me now?Copy !req
793. No, I'm not mad. I'm...Copy !req
794. I'm just bewildered.Copy !req
795. Look, Carol,
I wish I had some answers,
all right, but I don't.Copy !req
796. All right? Not right now.
Come here.Copy !req
797. Yeah, well,
it's been a crazy week.Copy !req
798. Yeah.Copy !req
799. Jesus, Steven.Copy !req
800. It's going to be
all right, baby.Copy !req
801. I'll make it up to you.
Just give me some time.Copy !req
802. I...Copy !req
803. I can't find her anywhere.Copy !req
804. She's got to be
around here somewhere.Copy !req
805. I saw Sally go over there
a little while ago.Copy !req
806. Thanks, Augie.Copy !req
807. Look, you go
get the car, okay?Copy !req
808. I'm going to help Rolfe
find his girlfriend.Copy !req
809. Sally!Copy !req
810. Rolfe? Hey, Rolfe, wait upCopy !req
811. Whoa.Copy !req
812. Oh shit.Copy !req
813. - What's up, man?
- Oh, Rolfe. Rolfe...Copy !req
814. That's it.
I'm done with you, Sally.Copy !req
815. Rolfe? Rolfe?Copy !req
816. Hey, Rolfe, wait up.Copy !req
817. What's going on?Copy !req
818. Rolfe just caught Sally
screwing Jerry Robin, Jr.Copy !req
819. He's really broken up.Copy !req
820. Shit.Copy !req
821. (SIGHS) Let's just go, okay?Copy !req
822. You got the ticket, sweetie?Copy !req
823. Yeah.Copy !req
824. Have a good night, sir.Copy !req
825. Listen, can you wait for me
just a second?Copy !req
826. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
827. Say, man.Copy !req
828. Carol told me what happened.
That was pretty fucked up.Copy !req
829. What a bitch, huh?Copy !req
830. I was stupid to think anything
could be different or change.Copy !req
831. Do you think I'm stupid?Copy !req
832. You're asking me
if I think you're stupid?Copy !req
833. You're taking too long
to answer. Fuck you.Copy !req
834. Come on. Get in the car
and come home with us.Copy !req
835. I'm waiting for a cab.Copy !req
836. Fuck the cab.
Come home with us, man.Copy !req
837. You sure?Copy !req
838. Yeah, I'm sure.Copy !req
839. You've already been
on the sofa, haven't you?Copy !req
840. Hey, you're awake.Copy !req
841. What's going on?Copy !req
842. I can't sleep.Copy !req
843. Why? What's the matter?Copy !req
844. It's not too late
to think about adopting.Copy !req
845. Look...Copy !req
846. I'm not one of those crazy
anti-abortion people, Steven,
you know that.Copy !req
847. - Hmm.
- But I want this baby.Copy !req
848. Having a fucked-up kid
is no bed of roses, Carol.Copy !req
849. Hey, do not apply
the term "fucked up"
to our child, okay?Copy !req
850. You know what I mean.Copy !req
851. Well, what was Rolfe's
childhood like?Copy !req
852. Did the other kids
give him a hard time?Copy !req
853. No, not really...Copy !req
854. But there are other problems
with being little besides
the social stuff, you know?Copy !req
855. Like what, medical stuff?Copy !req
856. Yeah.Copy !req
857. I mean,
when Rolfe was a kid...Copy !req
858. He was in a lot of pain.
He used to cry all the time.Copy !req
859. Why?
Being a little person hurts?Copy !req
860. Well, yeah.Copy !req
861. See, they've got...Copy !req
862. They've got organs,
musculature, that's too big
for their skeleton.Copy !req
863. Yeah, right, but they have
drugs for that, don't they?Copy !req
864. Yeah. It's called morphine...Copy !req
865. And sometimes,
they need surgery.Copy !req
866. What do you mean?
Did Rolfe need surgery?Copy !req
867. No, thank God. No.Copy !req
868. Then what were
his teenage years like?Copy !req
869. Rolfe as a teenager?Copy !req
870. The guy got laid
two years before I did.Copy !req
871. (CHUCKLES) With Sally?Copy !req
872. Absolutely.Copy !req
873. You should have
seen those two.Copy !req
874. They were hysterical.
They were like this...Copy !req
875. this dysfunctional
old couple, you know.Copy !req
876. This one time in school,Copy !req
877. they couldn't have been
more than 15 years old,Copy !req
878. it was between classes,Copy !req
879. and Sally corners RolfeCopy !req
880. and she screams
at the top of her lungs,Copy !req
881. she says, "Rolfe Bedalia,
you haven't fucked me
in five months!"Copy !req
882. Oh, the principal was there,
all the kids were there,Copy !req
883. you should have seen
Rolfe's face, man.
It was beautiful.Copy !req
884. I was so god damn jealous
of that guy.Copy !req
885. Have you ever been involved
with a little person sexually?Copy !req
886. No. Just kids' stuff,
you know.Copy !req
887. Mmm...Copy !req
888. You know, all the kids
would come over,Copy !req
889. we'd sit in a circle,
play doctor.Copy !req
890. Oh, my God, we couldn't have
been more than ten or 12,
so that doesn't really count.Copy !req
891. So you had a circle jerk
with a bunch of little people?Copy !req
892. I would've loved to see that.Copy !req
893. You would like to see that.Copy !req
894. (LAUGHING) I sure would.Copy !req
895. Are you sure
you want to do this?Copy !req
896. Yeah.Copy !req
897. I really am.Copy !req
898. You sure you're not just,
trying to make some weird
political statement?Copy !req
899. Oh, God.
What a peculiar thing to say.Copy !req
900. I'm a peculiar guy.Copy !req
901. I'm serious.Copy !req
902. Look...Copy !req
903. I think you have a lot
of ambivalence about
your family being little.Copy !req
904. It's not healthy and I think
you should consider
getting some help.Copy !req
905. Are you saying you think
I need to see a shrink?Copy !req
906. God, there's nothing wrong
with seeing a shrink, okay?Copy !req
907. Don't you see?Copy !req
908. It's not a good thing
for a child if he's littleCopy !req
909. to have a father
who's ambivalent
about little people.Copy !req
910. I hope you'll
at least consider it.Copy !req
911. So, tell me, Carol,
what is it exactly
you do for a living?Copy !req
912. I'm a painter.Copy !req
913. A painter?Copy !req
914. What, do you mean
like fine art?Copy !req
915. Uh-huh.Copy !req
916. Did you go to school?Copy !req
917. Yeah, to the New York School
of Art and Design.Copy !req
918. I'm impressed.Copy !req
919. You mean, you make money
at that?Copy !req
920. Yeah. It pays the bills.Copy !req
921. Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Lefarge.Copy !req
922. - Welcome. I'm Steven.
How do you do?Copy !req
923. - Very well.
Carol said
you were handsome.Copy !req
924. Isn't he handsome? Oh, my God.Copy !req
925. Y'all come on in.
How was the drive?Copy !req
926. - Not bad. Not bad at all.
- Good.Copy !req
927. - Mom. Dad.
- Hi, sweetie.Copy !req
928. Oh, there you are.Copy !req
929. Oh, honey, you look beautiful,Copy !req
930. just beautiful. (LAUGHS)Copy !req
931. So, um...
This is Steven's father,
Bruno, and his mom, Kathleen,Copy !req
932. Um, and over behind the bar
is Steven's brother, Rolfe.Copy !req
933. - Hi.
- How are you?Copy !req
934. Everyone,
this is my mom and dad,
Kirk and Sylvia.Copy !req
935. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
936. So, what are y'all drinking?Copy !req
937. Let me have a Seven and Seven.Copy !req
938. Sylvia?Copy !req
939. She'll have a vodka tonic.Copy !req
940. Vodka tonic coming up.Copy !req
941. I'll help you.Copy !req
942. So you want to come out back?
We're all set up out there.Copy !req
943. Thought she might want
a double.Copy !req
944. You all right?Copy !req
945. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
946. So, there's pretty good money
in this firefighting business,
is there?Copy !req
947. Oh, actually, I train cadets
to be firefighters.Copy !req
948. You know, fires are
pretty much recession-proof.Copy !req
949. - It's pretty steady, yeah.
- (LAUGHS)Copy !req
950. Where'd you learn
all this stuff?Copy !req
951. In the navy.Copy !req
952. - You a Navy man?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
953. Well, what do you know?
A Navy man myself.Copy !req
954. - All right.
- Where were you stationed?Copy !req
955. Steven, get me some of that
barbecue sauce
from the kitchen.Copy !req
956. Pop's pretty much a fanatic
when it come to barbecue.Copy !req
957. You could have
prepared us for this,
don't you think?Copy !req
958. I didn't think
it was important.Copy !req
959. If you embarrass me,
I'll never speak to you again,
so get it together, Mom, okay?Copy !req
960. Always the nonconformist.Copy !req
961. How's everybody's drink?Copy !req
962. Still working on mine, thanks.Copy !req
963. Sylvia?Copy !req
964. Where's
that sauce, Steven?Copy !req
965. I'm on it, Pop.Copy !req
966. Okay, everybody,
hors d'oeuvre time.Copy !req
967. Everybody, please
gather around.Copy !req
968. I would like
to propose a toast.Copy !req
969. Hey, Rolfie!Copy !req
970. To a very beautiful
young woman
and a very fine young manCopy !req
971. who are very much
in love, and who, hopefully,
as the years go by,Copy !req
972. will find the same
joy and happinessCopy !req
973. that Steven's mother
and I have found
these past 30 years.Copy !req
974. - Amen.
Hear, hear.Copy !req
975. There once was a young
fellow from Sparta.Copy !req
976. No, Kirk.Copy !req
977. Who was a real whiz
as a farter.Copy !req
978. He'd fart anything
from God Save the KingCopy !req
979. to Beethoven's
Moonlight Sonata.Copy !req
980. He'd fart a gavotte
for a starter,Copy !req
981. and then a Handelian cantata.Copy !req
982. (MOUTHING) I'm so embarrassed.Copy !req
983. Boost up his ass,Copy !req
984. blast Bach's B Minor Mass,Copy !req
985. and in counterpoint,
La Traviata.Copy !req
986. That has to be the last one.Copy !req
987. Obviously,
he can't drink any more.Copy !req
988. Yes, he can.Copy !req
989. No, no.
This is getting better. Yes.Copy !req
990. No. Give him some water.
My God...Copy !req
991. You have no idea
what you're...Copy !req
992. Yes, drink what?Copy !req
993. You know, these steaks
are really delicious.Copy !req
994. Genuine prime rib.
I had it brought in
from Omaha.Copy !req
995. I'm stuffed like a pig.Copy !req
996. Save some room
for dessert, Rolfe.Copy !req
997. Oh, no, I can't.
I can barely breathe,
I'm so full.Copy !req
998. Is everything
all right, Sylvia?Copy !req
999. Oh, yes. I...
I was just thinking is all.Copy !req
1000. Sylvia,Copy !req
1001. don't think.Copy !req
1002. I think that there's something
that we need to bring up
that you won't want to hear.Copy !req
1003. Mom.Copy !req
1004. I'm sorry, honey,
but this has to be brought out
into the open.Copy !req
1005. Now, I certainly wouldn't
want anyone to think
that we're prejudiced people.Copy !req
1006. Daddy!Copy !req
1007. All right, Kirk,
you tell them.Copy !req
1008. You're a lot more diplomatic
than I am.Copy !req
1009. Well...Copy !req
1010. The, uh...
Fact of the matter is...Copy !req
1011. Uh, Carol's grandfather
is getting on in years...Copy !req
1012. Please.Copy !req
1013. And, uh...Copy !req
1014. He's an Orthodox Jew,Copy !req
1015. and he's never forgiven us
for going Reform,Copy !req
1016. so unless you can bring
yourself to have
a Jewish wedding,Copy !req
1017. would you at least consider
a civil ceremony, otherwise we
won't be able to invite himCopy !req
1018. I've got... I've got no
problem with a Jewish wedding.Copy !req
1019. Are you sure?Copy !req
1020. Yeah, Mom?Copy !req
1021. Pop?Copy !req
1022. Carol?Copy !req
1023. Rolfe?Copy !req
1024. If he, he dies
before they get married,Copy !req
1025. can we switch back
to Catholic?Copy !req
1026. When a man and a woman
come together before GodCopy !req
1027. and announce their intention
to come together
in holy matrimony...Copy !req
1028. May God bless
the men and women of IsraelCopy !req
1029. in every generation.Copy !req
1030. Bless this bride.Copy !req
1031. Guide them on life's journey.Copy !req
1032. Look at that wedding dress.Copy !req
1033. That's a waste of
a wedding dress.
Look at that belly.Copy !req
1034. I would not kick her
out of bed.Copy !req
1035. You're starting
to piss me off now.Copy !req
1036. Ah...Copy !req
1037. Enough with her.Copy !req
1038. But you love me.Copy !req
1039. All right, but you know what?
That should be us
down there, right?Copy !req
1040. Don't you ever think
of marrying me?Copy !req
1041. Marriage is for morons.Copy !req
1042. - Oh...
- It turns aCopy !req
1043. lover into a relative,Copy !req
1044. like a brother...Copy !req
1045. Or a sister.Copy !req
1046. I can't think of anything
that takes the passion
out of a relationshipCopy !req
1047. more than marriage.Copy !req
1048. You may kiss the bride.Copy !req
1049. Mazel tov!Copy !req
1050. - Oh, my God.
- (BOTH LAUGH)Copy !req
1051. Hello, Mrs. Bedalia.Copy !req
1052. Nice scene, huh?Copy !req
1053. You know what?
Hold on one second.Copy !req
1054. - I'll be right back.
- Okay.Copy !req
1055. Rolfe!Copy !req
1056. What are you doing?Copy !req
1057. I just wanted
to say thank you.Copy !req
1058. I haven't done anything.Copy !req
1059. God, you did so much
and I really appreciate it.Copy !req
1060. Well, Steven's a...Copy !req
1061. He's a very lucky guy.Copy !req
1062. I just hope he's smart enough
not to screw it up.Copy !req
1063. So, so what are you
gonna do now?Copy !req
1064. I'm going to go
to my parent's place,Copy !req
1065. a cabin, Big Bear,
for the winter.Copy !req
1066. Get some writing done.Copy !req
1067. I think you're
wonderful, Rolfe.Copy !req
1068. Dr. Morgan, please report
to the administration desk.Copy !req
1069. Dr. Morgan, please report
to the administration desk.Copy !req
1070. How you doing, Carol?Copy !req
1071. - Okay.
- Steven?Copy !req
1072. We'll run some tests
over the next few days.Copy !req
1073. Vincent's going to have
to stay here at the clinic,Copy !req
1074. then we'll start him
on a long-term regimenCopy !req
1075. that we'll keep him
on through puberty.Copy !req
1076. Just hang in there,
honey, okay?
We can handle this.Copy !req
1077. We're talking biweekly
hormone injections,Copy !req
1078. monthly blood samples
to monitor his liver function.Copy !req
1079. After a while,
you'll be able to administer
the injections yourself.Copy !req
1080. Um, it's gonna be
a big commitment.Copy !req
1081. Yeah, but we're up for that.
Aren't we, Steven?Copy !req
1082. God damn it! Damn it.Copy !req
1083. - How can you two
be so calm, huh?
- (BABY CRYING)Copy !req
1084. Because I'm prepared,
and because
we don't have a choice.Copy !req
1085. I read all the books
that you recommended.Copy !req
1086. Good. I think you'll be fine.Copy !req
1087. - As for you...
- What about me?Copy !req
1088. Please, Steven,
you're gonna frighten
the baby.Copy !req
1089. What about me?Copy !req
1090. I think you should
seek some counseling.Copy !req
1091. That's what I told him.Copy !req
1092. Look, what I needCopy !req
1093. are new chromosomes.Copy !req
1094. Oh, honey, you're making this
so much harder than
it needs to be.Copy !req
1095. Do you know that?Copy !req
1096. I can't talk to him.
He won't listen to me.Copy !req
1097. Nurse Simon,
please pick up line six.Copy !req
1098. Nurse Simon,
please pick up line six.Copy !req
1099. (SOFTLY) How you doing,
sweetie?Copy !req
1100. (WHISPERING) I'm okay.
Are you okay?Copy !req
1101. How's he doing?Copy !req
1102. Let me take over for a while.Copy !req
1103. Are you sure?Copy !req
1104. Yeah.Copy !req
1105. Got him?Copy !req
1106. Yeah, I've got him.Copy !req
1107. Yeah...Copy !req
1108. Shh. Shh, shh...Copy !req
1109. Listen to this guy, huh?Copy !req
1110. Oh, my God.
He's been going like this
for two hours straight.Copy !req
1111. He hurts.Copy !req
1112. Yeah, well,
I gave him the drops,Copy !req
1113. but it only seemed to help
a little bit, but...Copy !req
1114. Why don't you give him
something stronger?Copy !req
1115. I can't. I called them.
They said it was,Copy !req
1116. normal for babies
with his condition.Copy !req
1117. What?Copy !req
1118. Just say the word one time.Copy !req
1119. What?Copy !req
1120. Just say the word
one time, Carol.Copy !req
1121. What's his condition, huh?Copy !req
1122. I can't do this.Copy !req
1123. Ten months, you haven't
said it one time.
What's his condition?Copy !req
1124. Why is he crying?
Why is he hurting?Copy !req
1125. Because he's a dwarf.Copy !req
1126. Carol, he's a dwarf.Copy !req
1127. He's a baby,
and you're scaring him!Copy !req
1128. He's a baby and he's a dwarf,
and that ain't
why he's crying.Copy !req
1129. He's crying because he hurts.Copy !req
1130. Fuck you, Steven!Copy !req
1131. - Fuck you!
- One time!Copy !req
1132. One time!
Say the goddamn word!Copy !req
1133. He's a dwarf!Copy !req
1134. I'm a dwarf!Copy !req
1135. Look, this can't
go on anymore.Copy !req
1136. Carol,
this is not working out.Copy !req
1137. Look, no one said
this was going to be easy.Copy !req
1138. We're just not getting
any better.Copy !req
1139. Not between us, it's not.Copy !req
1140. Oh, Steven...Copy !req
1141. I can't take it.Copy !req
1142. I mean, it's obvious
that I'm just
making things worse.Copy !req
1143. I just think
I can do better by Vincent,Copy !req
1144. that we can do better
by Vincent...Copy !req
1145. If I'm somewhere else.Copy !req
1146. And you really think that?Copy !req
1147. Yeah...Copy !req
1148. I do.Copy !req
1149. You expecting someone?Copy !req
1150. Not me.Copy !req
1151. Did you fart?Copy !req
1152. No, I did not fart.Copy !req
1153. Enough.Copy !req
1154. Hey.Copy !req
1155. What are you doing here?Copy !req
1156. Oh, uh...Copy !req
1157. Steven and I separated.Copy !req
1158. I hope this isn't too much
of an inconvenience.Copy !req
1159. No, not at all.Copy !req
1160. Is it okay if we stay
for a few days?Copy !req
1161. Sure. Stay.
Stay as long as you like.Copy !req
1162. Thanks.Copy !req
1163. Is this my nephew?Copy !req
1164. Holy cow.Copy !req
1165. He's a good-looking kid.Copy !req
1166. Hey. Hey.Copy !req
1167. Come in.Copy !req
1168. Here you go.Copy !req
1169. So how do you guys get by
so far from civilization?Copy !req
1170. It's a perfect situation
for a writer.Copy !req
1171. Oh yeah.
How's it going, the writing?Copy !req
1172. It's pretty good.Copy !req
1173. I'm syndicated
in three papers,Copy !req
1174. The San Diegan, Fresno Bee,
and the Chicago Tribune.Copy !req
1175. Oh, that's so great.Copy !req
1176. Rolfe's a middle-of-the-road
kind of guy.Copy !req
1177. That's what they want.Copy !req
1178. Yeah, Maurice thinks
that my views
aren't radical enough.Copy !req
1179. They aren't.Copy !req
1180. Yeah, well, from what
I remember of your politics,Copy !req
1181. I don't think
they'd go over too well
in a mainstream newspaper.Copy !req
1182. You better be careful,
Maurice,Copy !req
1183. because they could
lock you up in a loony bin
and that's not fun.Copy !req
1184. You know,
if Maurice had his way,Copy !req
1185. he would take all the heads
of the members of Congress
and put them on spearsCopy !req
1186. and display them
out on the White House lawn.Copy !req
1187. Yeah, that sounds
like the Maurice I remember.Copy !req
1188. One day, I want to buy
a place like this.Copy !req
1189. Well, until you do,
you can stay here
as long as you want.Copy !req
1190. Superb.Copy !req
1191. We need a woman around here.Copy !req
1192. Someone to do the dishes.
Someone to wash the clothes.Copy !req
1193. In your dreams, pal.Copy !req
1194. You know, Maurice probably
liked it in the Dark AgesCopy !req
1195. when we were scrubbing
the skid marks
out of your loincloth, huh?Copy !req
1196. I think the Women's
Liberation MovementCopy !req
1197. is an excuse for every poor
female pigCopy !req
1198. who needed a reason
not to clean up
after themselves.Copy !req
1199. You know what, Maurice?Copy !req
1200. Until you stop blasting a hole
in the ozone layer
with your toxic gas attacks,Copy !req
1201. this little maid's
on an extended coffee break.Copy !req
1202. Uh-oh.Copy !req
1203. Feeding time again.Copy !req
1204. Hey, when you drink,
does he get drunk too?Copy !req
1205. I'm not drunk.Copy !req
1206. Well, maybe a little bit.Copy !req
1207. Hey, you ever hear from Sally?Copy !req
1208. Sally, no. We are...Copy !req
1209. No, we're not in contact
right now.Copy !req
1210. I liked her.Copy !req
1211. She had her good points.Copy !req
1212. Yeah, well, fuckability,
Maurice,Copy !req
1213. is not the be-all and end-all
of being with someone.Copy !req
1214. Your relationship with Lucy,Copy !req
1215. it's nothing to crow about.Copy !req
1216. They fight like this
all the time.Copy !req
1217. It's a shame. You seem
like a really good couple.Copy !req
1218. Turn it down!Copy !req
1219. Lucy,
I've had it with you.Copy !req
1220. I am not your old lady
anymore, Maurice.Copy !req
1221. I am moving out of here.Copy !req
1222. Well,
that is just super with me.Copy !req
1223. I can't
take it anymore.Copy !req
1224. Bye, Rolfe.
Thanks for everything.Copy !req
1225. Hey, Lucy, I really hate
to see you leave like this.Copy !req
1226. I am leaving you first!Copy !req
1227. Oh, no, you're not.Copy !req
1228. Last one who leaves
is a rotten egg.Copy !req
1229. (SOFTLY) Hey.Copy !req
1230. Hey, Vincent.Copy !req
1231. How are you, buddy?Copy !req
1232. Hey.Copy !req
1233. Caught in the act.Copy !req
1234. Oh, he was awake.Copy !req
1235. I figured you could
use a break.Copy !req
1236. You... You go on.Copy !req
1237. Go back to bed.
Really, get some rest.Copy !req
1238. - Are you sure?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1239. I'm no expert on babies,Copy !req
1240. but I think we've got
things covered here.Copy !req
1241. He's okay. (CHUCKLES)Copy !req
1242. Thanks.Copy !req
1243. Good night.Copy !req
1244. Hey, Carol.Copy !req
1245. How was your drive?Copy !req
1246. It was good.Copy !req
1247. It was uneventful, you know?Copy !req
1248. Oh...Copy !req
1249. Look at you.Copy !req
1250. He's getting big and strong.Copy !req
1251. Yeah, he is.Copy !req
1252. Hello, Vincent.Copy !req
1253. Little man...Copy !req
1254. How are you doing?Copy !req
1255. I'm doing all right.Copy !req
1256. I'm working on it.Copy !req
1257. I'm trying to be the man
that you want me to.Copy !req
1258. You've got to
want it too, Steven.Copy !req
1259. You know what? I do want it.Copy !req
1260. I love you.Copy !req
1261. I know that.Copy !req
1262. I've never doubted that
for a moment,Copy !req
1263. but it's not about
you and me anymore.Copy !req
1264. You've got to love our child.Copy !req
1265. You don't think
that I love Vincent?Copy !req
1266. No, I know that you do.Copy !req
1267. (SIGHS) It's just
you can't show it.Copy !req
1268. If you can't show it,
then as far as he's concerned,
it might as well not exist.Copy !req
1269. Look, don't you see?
Right now, you don't
have a lot to offer him.Copy !req
1270. No, you're, you're wrong.Copy !req
1271. That's what I want. I...Copy !req
1272. I want to show it, all right?
If you'll just give me
another chance.Copy !req
1273. Look, what goes on
between a parent and a child,Copy !req
1274. that's what's
really important.Copy !req
1275. Vincent's got to come first.Copy !req
1276. I'm not angry with you, okay?Copy !req
1277. I'm not angry.Copy !req
1278. And I don't hate you.Copy !req
1279. So what are you
going to do, Carol?Copy !req
1280. You going to live
up here in the woods
like a couple of hippies?Copy !req
1281. Listen to me, okay?Copy !req
1282. This way we can all
still be family,Copy !req
1283. you can see your kid
whenever you want,Copy !req
1284. but he can't wait around
for you to get it together.Copy !req
1285. Listen, I'm his father.Copy !req
1286. Yeah, but right now,
you're too self-involved,
Steven.Copy !req
1287. You're too confused.Copy !req
1288. I've got too much
on my hands alreadyCopy !req
1289. without spending all
my time bringing you along.Copy !req
1290. This is what you want?Copy !req
1291. This is what I think is right.Copy !req
1292. Hey, Rolfe.Copy !req
1293. Boy, what you two
must think of me, huh?Copy !req
1294. What does that mean?Copy !req
1295. You're still my brother.Copy !req
1296. Coming in?Copy !req
1297. No, I don't think so.Copy !req
1298. I'm going to say goodbye
to Vincent here and head on
back to the city.Copy !req
1299. Are you mad at me?Copy !req
1300. No, I'm not mad.Copy !req
1301. I'll see you around,
big boy.Copy !req
1302. Love my son.Copy !req
1303. Are you going to be okay,
Steven?Copy !req
1304. I'm gonna do my best.Copy !req
1305. You okay?Copy !req
1306. Yeah.Copy !req
1307. I'm a little shook up.Copy !req
1308. I don't think I'll be getting
to sleep anytime soon.Copy !req
1309. Here...Copy !req
1310. Come with me.Copy !req
1311. Come on.Copy !req
1312. You okay?Copy !req
1313. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
1314. It's heavenly...
Absolutely heavenly.Copy !req
1315. Look at the stars
so bright up there.Copy !req
1316. Rolfe?Copy !req
1317. What?Copy !req
1318. You can kiss me if you want.Copy !req