1. Hey, Seth Rogen. What up, man?
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2. Oh, hey, John! Over here!
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3. Welcome to
Los Angeles International Airport.
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4. Attention, all passengers.
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5. Do not leave your baggage unattended.
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6. All unattended baggage
is subject to search...
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7. We're so happy!
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8. Look at this!
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9. - What's happening, man?
- Good to see you, buddy.
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10. - How you doing?
- I'm good, man.
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11. Yes, you are.
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12. How long has it been, man?
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13. Sometime in the last...
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14. - Inside of a year or something.
- Yeah.
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15. I have the best weekend ever planned, man.
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16. - Lay it on me.
- I don't want to ruin it.
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17. - Seth Rogen!
- Shit, here we go. Hey.
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18. - How's it going, man?
- Yeah, good.
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19. So, you, like, always play,
like, the same guy in every movie.
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20. When are you gonna do some,
like, real acting, man?
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21. Okay, thank you.
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22. Give me something.
Give me, like, the laugh, man.
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23. Give me the Seth Rogen laugh.
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24. Seth Rogen, everybody.
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25. All right, I've landed. I'm here.
We've said our hellos.
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26. Can we please go to fucking Carl's Jr.?
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27. I would love to. I'm on a...
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28. I can't really eat that stuff right now.
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29. - I'm on a...
- What?
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30. I'm on this cleanse.
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31. You're on a what?
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32. I'm on a cleanse.
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33. - What?
- It's good for you.
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34. I didn't know...
You're supposed to take six shits a day.
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35. - That's not true.
- It is true!
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36. - You're supposed to shit twice a day.
- No.
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37. That's not true.
That's what they used to think.
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38. Now they know you're supposed
to shit six times a day.
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39. So you're not drinking.
You're not smoking weed. You're not...
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40. - No, no, I'm drinking and smoking weed.
- But...
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41. I'm on a cleanse. I'm not psychotic.
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42. Look, man, if you stopped eating gluten,
you'd feel way fucking better all day.
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43. Whenever you feel shitty,
that's 'cause of gluten.
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44. - That's not true.
- It is.
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45. - Who the fuck told you not to eat gluten?
- It's just true.
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46. - You don't even know what gluten is.
- I know what fucking gluten is.
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47. - No, you have no idea what gluten is.
- I do know what gluten is.
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48. Gluten's a vague term.
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49. It's something that's used
to categorize things that are bad, you know?
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50. Calories, that's a gluten. Fat, that's a gluten.
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51. Somebody just told you
you probably shouldn't eat gluten,
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52. you're like, "I guess I shouldn't eat gluten."
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53. Gluten means bad shit, man,
and I'm not eating it.
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54. God!
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55. Each bite is better than the previous bite.
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56. - It is.
- Gluten!
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57. - Hey, this looks beautiful.
- Yeah. Do you like it? I totally redid it.
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58. - It's fucking awesome.
- It's all new. Those are new.
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59. - God damn, son!
- It's pretty nice, huh?
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60. So this is how the other half lives.
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61. - Come on.
- Amazing.
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62. - Air hockey tables.
- Jesus Murphy!
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63. - Right? Okay, get ready, Jay.
- What?
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64. - I have a little surprise for you.
- Okay.
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65. Here's the best weekend
you ever had in your life.
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66. - Look at it, man.
- Oh, my... Are you serious?
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67. It's all of your favorite things.
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68. - Starburst and Airheads on a...
- Yeah.
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69. And it says "Jay."
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70. - In joints.
- In joints.
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71. It says "Jay" in jays.
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72. Seth Rogen, you are just the best people.
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73. Come on, I know you don't love it in LA,
so I figure I'll make it...
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74. You know, I'll lube up your entry a little bit.
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75. - It eases the transition.
- Yeah, right?
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76. This is the much-needed foreplay.
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77. - You know what else I got?
- Yo, this...
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78. - A 3-D television.
- No, you didn't...
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79. - I got a 3-D TV.
- Are you serious?
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80. - Oh, my God.
- I did it, man.
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81. What?
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82. Let's get into it.
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83. Oh, my God, bud.
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84. It's Gandalf the Grey's pipe.
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85. Damn, no shit.
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86. Hello, little hobbit.
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87. - Spark my ganja.
- Yeah.
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88. I'm a well-known homosexual advocate.
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89. My eyes feel like they're melting.
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90. I need a break.
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91. You know what, actually?
We should go to Franco's house soon.
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92. He's having a housewarming party.
He just finished building his house.
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93. I haven't even seen it yet,
but it's supposed to be bonkers.
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94. I haven't been in LA in, like, a year,
and I came here to chill with you.
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95. We can chill together,
and we'll chill with those other guys.
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96. We'll all chill as one big unit.
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97. - Will I even know anybody there?
- You know James Franco.
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98. - James Franco doesn't even know my name.
- Jonah Hill will be there.
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99. Can't stand him. He can't stand me.
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100. He's, like, the nicest guy in the world!
He likes you so much.
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101. He specifically talks about how he likes you.
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102. Out of nowhere, he just said,
"You know what? Jay's an inspiration."
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103. There's no way he said that.
Also, just can't stand him.
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104. - Okay, fine. Craig Robinson.
- Never met him.
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105. He's hilarious.
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106. Sweats a lot, but he's a great guy.
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107. So it's gonna be fun, man.
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108. For you, I will go.
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109. I promise, I'll stay with you all night, okay?
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110. I won't ditch you.
No, 'cause I want to be with you all night.
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111. And you know why else?
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112. 'Cause nobody puts Jay in the corner.
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113. Awesome.
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114. - Thank you.
- Thank you. There you go. Cool.
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115. - Thanks a lot, eh?
- Thanks a lot.
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116. Okay, man.
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117. Holy shit.
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118. This is crazy!
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119. - Yeah?
- Yeah, man, right?
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120. - Look at it.
- A bit much.
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121. I don't think it is a bit much.
I think it's right on the money.
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122. What is he, Pablo Escobar?
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123. Come on, man, this is an awesome street.
Channing Tatum lives up there.
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124. For the love of...
Will you stop talking about...
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125. This is the sexiest street in America.
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126. - You and Channing Tatum.
- I think he's attractive.
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127. - I think it's a cool house.
- I know you do.
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128. I can't wait to see inside it.
That's why I'm excited.
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129. Yes! What's up, man? Seth!
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130. - So happy you're here.
- I'm so happy to be here.
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131. Hey, Johnny, what's up?
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132. - It's Jay.
- It's Jay.
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133. I'll never forget it again, man.
Good to see you.
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134. - Nice to see you. Come on in.
- Yeah! Yeah, great.
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135. Check it out. My new place!
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136. Awesome, man!
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137. Designed it myself.
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138. Really cool. This place is beautiful, man.
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139. This place is like a piece of me.
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140. You two just stepped inside me.
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141. You let us both cum inside you. Yeah.
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142. Icing on the cake. Check it out.
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143. Painted them myself.
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144. Side by side. A team.
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145. Holy shit.
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146. So, is it weird?
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147. - No.
- You sure?
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148. I really like it.
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149. What do you think, Jay?
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150. I'm not a big art guy.
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151. You don't like art?
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152. Well, come on...
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153. - You play video games?
- Yes.
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154. - Well, guess what, buddy? You like art.
- Yep.
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155. - You ever been to Subway?
- Yes.
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156. You order a sandwich?
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157. Somebody put that together for you, dude.
That's art.
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158. Sandwich artist.
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159. - So, let me lay this on you, Jay.
- Fuck.
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160. Your mama's pussy was the canvas.
Your dad's dick was the paintbrush.
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161. Boom. You're the art.
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162. - Thanks, James Franco.
- You got it.
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163. - Seth!
- Mindy, hello.
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164. - Oh, my God, great to see you.
- You, too.
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165. Long time. How's it going?
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166. - You know Jay?
- I don't think I've ever actually met you.
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167. You were so good in Million Dollar Baby.
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168. That's amazing.
Thank you so much for saying that.
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169. Oh, my God,
if I don't fuck Michael Cera tonight,
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170. - I'm gonna blow my brains out.
- What?
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171. Fucking pale, 110 pounds,
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172. hairless, probably has a huge cock,
coked out of his mind...
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173. You can do a lot better. That's just trouble.
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174. So, Ri-Ri, how about you,
you ever see a psychiatrist?
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175. - That's not cool.
- Don't touch my butt, bitch.
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176. - Michael, that's not cool.
- Would you shut the fuck up, Jason!
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177. We're playing a game, man.
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178. Say cheese, baby.
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179. - What's up, buddy?
- How's it going, dude?
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180. Good to see you, man.
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181. - Is that Jay Baruchel?
- Hi, there. Hey.
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182. Oh, my God, get in here, dude.
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183. - How's it going, Jonah?
- What are you doing?
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184. - Good. How you doing, buddy?
- Oh, my gosh.
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185. - Welcome back.
- Thank you very much.
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186. - When'd you get in?
- This morning,
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187. and boy, are my arms tired.
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188. Dude, that's great.
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189. - Thank you.
- Sick.
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190. What have you guys been doing?
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191. We just hung out all day.
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192. Ate a bunch of dirty burgers,
and smoked about a fucking pound of weed
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193. and played a bunch of video games.
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194. Weed is tight. Weed is tight. That's awesome.
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195. That's awesome. Weed is awesome.
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196. It was like
the golfing sequence in Navy SEALs.
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197. - Sick reference, though, bro.
- Thanks, bud.
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198. Dude, your references are out of control.
Everyone knows that.
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199. - Hey, thanks, man.
- I'm jealous.
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200. I would have been there in a heartbeat,
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201. but I actually just adopted
this incontinent spaniel.
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202. She's a really beautiful soul.
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203. - Her name's Ahjhai.
- Ahjhai?
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204. - Yeah.
- How do you spell it?
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205. - A-H-J-H-A-I.
- A-H...
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206. You want to see a picture of her?
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207. - She's so sweet.
- Hey!
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208. Look at her.
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209. She can't bark. She doesn't know how, so...
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210. - She doesn't know how to bark, even?
- She doesn't know how to bark,
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211. so I've tried to teach her
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212. and she just kind of screams,
and so she was up,
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213. had her face smushed against the cage,
and was, like...
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214. Yeah, cool.
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215. Tell you what, boys, I'm kind of jonesing,
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216. so I'm gonna find someone
I can bum a smoke off of outside, all right?
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217. - That's tight, dude. Honestly, I like you.
- Hey, likewise.
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218. Okay, dude, come back.
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219. I'll be right back. You're holding court.
All right, boys.
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220. Dude. I know.
I think we're making some progress.
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221. - That was really good.
- And honestly, he's your old friend.
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222. - We're your new friends. He feels threatened.
- Yeah, man.
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223. You know, and I get it.
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224. It's gonna be fine.
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225. I honestly think tonight's the night
we bust this whole thing open.
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226. And I'm lucky.
It's the same thing a lot, though.
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227. It's, like, my TV wife opens the fridge,
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228. and is, like,
"What happened to the birthday cake?"
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229. And I come out with, like, a little frosting,
like,
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230. "What birthday cake?"
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231. - 'Cause you ate the cake!
- Yeah.
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232. 'Cause you ate the cake!
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233. "It's my birthday."
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234. That's why y'all number one. 'Cause of that.
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235. - You're Jay, right?
- Yeah.
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236. - Seth's boy?
- Yeah.
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237. - How you doing, man? Good to see you.
- Good. Likewise, likewise.
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238. - I'm Craig, man. This is Emma.
- Hi. Hi, there.
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239. You just in town visiting him, or what?
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240. Yeah. Just for a little visit, you know.
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241. I try to not come down here very much.
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242. I don't really love it here.
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243. - You don't like LA?
- I'm just not really into the LA lifestyle.
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244. What lifestyle are you into?
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245. Look at him. He's, like, a hipster, right?
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246. No, I'm not a hipster, at all.
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247. Yeah, yeah, you do seem
to hate a lot of things,
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248. and the bottom of your pants are awful tight.
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249. No, I just... I don't like Los Angeles.
It doesn't make me a hipster.
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250. I'll bet you hate movies
that are universally loved.
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251. - I don't even...
- You like Forrest Gump?
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252. No, no, it's a horrendous piece of shit.
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253. "Life is like a box of chocolates," no?
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254. Yeah, no, I'm familiar with it.
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255. "You never know what you're gonna get."
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256. Why don't we do a sequel
to Pineapple Express?
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257. - I would love to do a sequel to Pineapple.
- Do you have any ideas, or...
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258. - I do have an idea.
- What?
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259. It's that Red, Danny,
has become, like, the drug lord,
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260. you know, since we killed the other one,
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261. and he wants
to assassinate Woody Harrelson,
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262. 'cause he's gonna give a speech
that makes all of weed legal,
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263. effectively rendering
drug lords out of business.
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264. - Awesome.
- Yeah, it's fucking awesome,
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265. but we don't have...
We don't know how it should end yet.
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266. I know.
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267. - Danny's trying to kill us.
- Yeah.
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268. And I sacrifice myself for you.
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269. And he kills me,
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270. and I die for you.
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271. And Danny fucking eats me.
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272. - Why does he eat you?
- I don't know.
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273. I'm just trying to think of, like,
the nastiest way to go.
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274. Yeah, he could eat you. Okay.
That's a good idea, man.
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275. He's just out of his mind.
He just, like, eats me.
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276. - Hey, Chris.
- How's it going?
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277. Hey, does this coke smell funny?
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278. - Fuck!
- Michael, what the fuck, man?
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279. That's expensive shit, motherfucker!
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280. What are you doing?
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281. I've never fucking done cocaine, dude.
Why does it fucking...
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282. Well, you did the best shit possible
for your first time,
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283. - 'cause that's good fucking...
- Fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm nervous, dude.
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284. - I don't know what...
- What is wrong with you, man?
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285. - Look, he's freaking out.
- Oh, shit.
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286. I've never done
this fucking drug before, man.
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287. Mike, please.
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288. I'll walk you through it.
I will walk you through it.
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289. - Mike, no one...
- I'll be your guide.
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290. - You're fine, Chris. You're fine.
- Is it on...
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291. - You got some in your mustache, baby.
- What are you... Michael!
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292. Now, fellas, I want you to real sexy right now.
We're gonna sing to all the ladies.
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293. All the fellas go like this,
in your Barry White voice.
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294. Take your panties off
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295. Come on, Rihanna
Take your panties off for me
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296. Come on, Craig, can you fuck off for me?
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297. I'll do one of them things.
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298. Like an angel.
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299. What about the host of the party?
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300. I ain't got no panties on
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301. He ain't got no panties, everybody!
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302. We ain't got no panties on
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303. Ain't nobody got no panties on
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304. We ain't got no panties on
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305. Ain't no party like a no-panty party
'Cause a no-panty party don't stop
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306. Fuck those panties
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307. Fuck those...
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308. Fuck those panties
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309. What's not kid-friendly?
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310. - There's a lot of sharp edges.
- Concrete, sharp edges.
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311. He's gonna bust his head open
on one of those things.
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312. A kid could fall off
this fucking railing right here.
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313. That's why you have the railing,
so they don't fall.
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314. - Hey. Sorry.
- I want to have kids one day.
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315. - Hey, Jay.
- Oh, hey, hi, Jonah.
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316. Is there any place around here
I can buy a pack of cigarettes?
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317. Yeah.
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318. There's a place like,
it's like, four blocks away, maybe.
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319. You want to come with me?
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320. Give me this much time.
That much joint time.
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321. - Jesus!
- Hey, Jay.
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322. Hey, you need to use the toilet, honey?
Go ahead.
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323. Nope, I'm... I sorry.
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324. Who wants a sip? Sip time.
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325. You okay, man?
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326. It's nothing. It's just, you know,
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327. as soon as we got there,
you did what you said you wouldn't do.
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328. - What did I do?
- You just fucking ditched my ass.
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329. I didn't ditch you. Are you kidding me, man?
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330. I did not ditch you.
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331. I was talking to Jonah,
and then you left to go have a cigarette.
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332. Well, you know, my cigarette was an excuse.
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333. I really went outside
'cause Jonah was being a prick.
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334. Jonah was not being a prick.
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335. If anything, you were kind of being a prick.
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336. Jonah's the nicest guy ever, man.
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337. Oh, my God, that's a thin veneer of kindness.
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338. Nobody's that nice.
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339. Jonah is that nice.
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340. Serial killers are that nice.
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341. Just answer me one question.
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342. Is Michael Cera's butthole
as adorable as I pictured?
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343. Oh, for fuck's sake.
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344. I picture it looking like a little donut,
like a little pink sprinkled donut.
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345. It's so bright in here.
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346. It is fucking bright.
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347. I'm so high.
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348. There's so many delicious choices.
What do I do?
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349. - I'm gonna get something to drink.
- Okay.
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350. Excuse me, would it be possible
for my daughter to use your restroom?
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351. She's really got to go.
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352. Read the sign. Customers only.
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353. Seriously?
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354. Why the fuck you think I put up the sign?
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355. It's okay, Dad. I can hold it.
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356. Let's just buy something for your mother.
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357. Yeah, well, I guess you better, huh?
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358. This cash register lady is mean.
I have anxiety. Will you buy this for me?
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359. When I'm stoned, I can't do this.
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360. I think I'm just gonna head
back to your place.
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361. I'm not really liking it very much
over there at Franco's.
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362. Dude, I want you to get to know these guys.
That's never gonna happen
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363. if you don't put in
any effort whatsoever, okay?
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364. I hate it in there.
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365. I just want to drink some pop
and smoke some weed.
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366. What about...
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367. What about me?
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368. Are you okay? Are you okay?
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369. Did you just see that?
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370. What the hell?
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371. - Oh, my God, Jesus, Jesus!
- Run, run, run!
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372. - This way!
- Okay, okay, okay!
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373. Oh, my God!
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374. Jesus.
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375. Run!
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376. Jesus Christ!
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377. Why the fuck did you bring me down here?
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378. - The fuck, Seth?
- I don't know what's happening!
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379. - We're going back to Franco's.
- Why?
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380. Just run! Keep running!
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381. Oh, my fuck!
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382. We are going back to Franco's!
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383. God damn it.
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384. - Jesus!
- Shit!
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385. This way. We're almost there! We're so close!
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386. Hey, you guys okay?
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387. Are you guys okay?
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388. There was a crazy earthquake.
Did you guys feel that?
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389. - That was insane.
- Fuck, no.
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390. We can't feel anything in here.
This place is a fucking fortress.
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391. That wasn't an earthquake, man.
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392. - That was something way fucking crazier.
- No...
Copy !req
393. What's crazier than an earthquake?
Copy !req
394. There were beams of blue light
coming out of the sky
Copy !req
395. and people getting sucked up into the sky.
Copy !req
396. He's on hallucinogens.
Copy !req
397. Come on, guys. Don't bully Jay.
He's a sweetheart.
Copy !req
398. Keep going, man.
What are you talking about?
Copy !req
399. There were people, and they were there,
and they got sucked up into the sky.
Copy !req
400. - Jay.
- Sucked up into the sky?
Copy !req
401. Nobody got sucked up in here.
Copy !req
402. I got sucked off here.
Copy !req
403. No, okay, ask Seth. He was...
You were there. Tell them.
Copy !req
404. Seth, what the fuck's he talking about?
Copy !req
405. I have no idea
what he's talking about honestly.
Copy !req
406. Did anybody get sucked up into the sky?
Copy !req
407. I didn't see anything.
I don't know what he's talking about.
Copy !req
408. You were there with me.
What are you saying?
Copy !req
409. All those people that were in the store
with us, they just fucking vanished.
Copy !req
410. I didn't see blue light
sucking people up in the sky.
Copy !req
411. You sound crazy, man.
We should just be lucky we're...
Copy !req
412. - It's not over!
- It's okay. Just relax.
Copy !req
413. Everyone, it's all right. Just a little tremor.
Party's still going.
Copy !req
414. In-N-Out truck's coming in 10 minutes.
Copy !req
415. - Yes.
- Animal style!
Copy !req
416. Oh, my fuck!
Copy !req
417. - Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
- Move! Move!
Copy !req
418. - Move, move, move, move!
- This place is safe!
Copy !req
419. This place is not safe!
Copy !req
420. Craig, where you going, man?
Copy !req
421. - It's a fucking earthquake!
- Fuck!
Copy !req
422. - Move, move, move, come on!
- Get out of my way. Move, girl!
Copy !req
423. - Oh, my God, Seth!
- Oh, shit!
Copy !req
424. - Seth.
- What the fuck?
Copy !req
425. Don't go on the grass,
not everybody on the grass!
Copy !req
426. What the fuck?
Copy !req
427. Oh, God!
Copy !req
428. - What the fuck is happening?
- Paul!
Copy !req
429. What's happening?
Copy !req
430. All right, everybody, listen up. Listen up.
Copy !req
431. Who took my fucking cell phone, man?
Copy !req
432. - Martin, empty your pockets!
- What?
Copy !req
433. I saw you in the bathroom, man!
Somebody dial my phone!
Copy !req
434. Shut the fuck up! It's unbelievable!
Copy !req
435. It's unacceptable after all the coke
I've wasted on you people.
Copy !req
436. - I've thrown it away.
- I didn't take your fucking cell phone.
Copy !req
437. - 310...
- Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike...
Copy !req
438. My face!
Copy !req
439. What's happening to me? What's happening?
Copy !req
440. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
441. Shit, that's embarrassing.
Copy !req
442. Rihanna!
Copy !req
443. Please give me your foot!
Copy !req
444. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
445. Craig, Craig, help me. I'm losing my grip!
Copy !req
446. It's too late for you!
You're already in the hole!
Copy !req
447. - What the fuck are you talking about?
- Get the fuck out of my way!
Copy !req
448. Sorry.
Copy !req
449. Karen!
Copy !req
450. Seth, come on! Get in the house!
Come on, Seth!
Copy !req
451. Oh, my God, I'm gonna die!
Copy !req
452. Martin!
Copy !req
453. - Shit!
- Kevin! Kevin!
Copy !req
454. What the fuck?
Copy !req
455. Geez, get the fuck off me, Aziz!
Copy !req
456. Fuck you, Kevin!
Copy !req
457. Oh, God, no, get your fucking hands off me!
Copy !req
458. Get your fucking...
Copy !req
459. No!
Copy !req
460. Jay, I can't hold on much longer.
Copy !req
461. You have to reach out and grab me.
You hear?
Copy !req
462. Okay, you take my hand,
and I will swing you up.
Copy !req
463. Are you sure?
I'm gonna give you my whole weight.
Copy !req
464. - I'm gonna reach for you, all right?
- Yeah, yeah.
Copy !req
465. Are you sure you can do that?
Copy !req
466. I can grab you on three.
Copy !req
467. One, two, three.
Copy !req
468. All right, buddy.
Copy !req
469. - Now I'm gonna, I'm gonna swing across.
- I got you, buddy.
Copy !req
470. - You're gonna hold my weight, all of it.
- Okay, come on.
Copy !req
471. - You can hold on to my full weight?
- I can do it.
Copy !req
472. - I don't want to die.
- Okay.
Copy !req
473. - One, two...
- Two, three.
Copy !req
474. No!
Copy !req
475. No! No!
Copy !req
476. Oh, man.
Copy !req
477. Fuck.
Copy !req
478. - Holy shit!
- What happened?
Copy !req
479. - Jay, you're alive.
- Jay.
Copy !req
480. - Oh, thank God, Jay.
- I'm not dead yet.
Copy !req
481. I told you guys not to go outside.
Copy !req
482. - What just happened?
- Jesus Christ, they are all fucking dead.
Copy !req
483. - I told you guys not to run outside.
- You all right?
Copy !req
484. - I tried to save Aziz. I tried.
- You did your best, man. I love you.
Copy !req
485. Why the fuck did you guys run out there?
Copy !req
486. You know what, James,
can you lower your voice?
Copy !req
487. You're freaking out Jay!
Copy !req
488. Maybe I'm a little freaked out, too!
Copy !req
489. - He's not as strong as you.
- They all fell in.
Copy !req
490. - Look at my house!
- I tried to save them. They all fell in.
Copy !req
491. Get your fucking hands off me.
Jonah, stop touching me.
Copy !req
492. Can we get Jay some water, please?
Can we get him some hydration?
Copy !req
493. - He needs to be hydrated.
- The water's not working!
Copy !req
494. Everyone just runs out the door!
Copy !req
495. My phone is dead.
Copy !req
496. Guys, the fucking Internet's not working!
Copy !req
497. Let's watch the TV. Let's check the news.
Copy !req
498. Where is the TV?
Copy !req
499. - It's in the floor.
- In the floor?
Copy !req
500. - That's dope.
- Yeah, cool, huh?
Copy !req
501. That's really neat.
Copy !req
502. That is impressive, James.
Copy !req
503. The biggest earthquake to ever hit Los...
Copy !req
504. Officers urging people to stay
in their homes right now.
Copy !req
505. And also reports of looting and rioting
are spreading across the city.
Copy !req
506. Riots.
Copy !req
507. Police are pretty much outnumbered
as people are turning to one another.
Copy !req
508. Martial law has now been declared.
Copy !req
509. Air Force One has gone down...
Copy !req
510. Shit. It's gone, guys.
Copy !req
511. So I think we should...
Copy !req
512. I think we should probably
go back to your place, eh?
Copy !req
513. What are you talking about, man?
Copy !req
514. No, no way. I'm not leaving here.
Copy !req
515. I don't want to die at James Franco's house.
Copy !req
516. You heard the TV.
Copy !req
517. The TV said stay here.
It said stay in your homes.
Copy !req
518. We need to stay here
until they start rescuing people, okay?
Copy !req
519. A huge earthquake happens.
Who do they rescue first?
Copy !req
520. - Actors.
- Famous people.
Copy !req
521. They'll get Clooney, Sandra Bullock, me.
Copy !req
522. If there's room, you guys'll come.
Copy !req
523. The point is, is that
we're all gonna get out of this first.
Copy !req
524. - What the hell was that?
- It's already going crazy out there, guys.
Copy !req
525. We can't leave. I'm not leaving, okay?
I'm a victim.
Copy !req
526. I've had a victim's mentality my whole life.
People can smell it on me.
Copy !req
527. When I was a kid, I had man-titties.
Copy !req
528. The bullies held me down,
they tittie-fucked me.
Copy !req
529. That's what's happening out there right now.
Copy !req
530. That's right, we are all soft.
Copy !req
531. - Yeah.
- We are all soft!
Copy !req
532. We are actors! We pretend to be hard, man.
Copy !req
533. - Yeah.
- We soft as baby shit.
Copy !req
534. As baby shit, soft as...
Wait, Craig, what are you doing, man?
Copy !req
535. Hey, hey, what are you doing?
What are you doing to the painting, man?
Copy !req
536. - We got to board this shit up, man.
- Board it up?
Copy !req
537. We got to protect ourselves. We don't know
Copy !req
538. - how long we gonna be in here.
- Okay, chill.
Copy !req
539. There's raccoons, and bandits,
and shit out there.
Copy !req
540. - This is Obey, man!
- If you get out the way!
Copy !req
541. This is my favorite fucking painting!
What are you doing, Craig?
Copy !req
542. Guys, help.
Copy !req
543. Help. Help. Get off.
Copy !req
544. Chill. Look.
Copy !req
545. Helicopter! Helicopter!
Copy !req
546. The good guys are here.
We're fine! It's gonna be fine.
Copy !req
547. God damn!
Copy !req
548. Shit!
Copy !req
549. - You okay?
- No, I'm not okay!
Copy !req
550. Fuck your house, Franco!
Copy !req
551. My house didn't do that!
Copy !req
552. You don't got a tool kit or nothing?
Just a toolbox?
Copy !req
553. I don't know. Look in there.
Copy !req
554. Where's the edge of this shit?
Copy !req
555. Your thumb's in my butthole, man.
Copy !req
556. Y'all need this dick?
Copy !req
557. No, we're not using it.
Copy !req
558. All right, I'm gonna take it over here.
Copy !req
559. - Careful with that dick.
- Damn.
Copy !req
560. It's heavy.
Copy !req
561. There it is, got that dick now.
Copy !req
562. That dick is coming now.
Copy !req
563. Yeah, got this big dick.
Copy !req
564. Hey, hey.
Copy !req
565. - What now?
- Listen.
Copy !req
566. Not the Rogen, all right? Don't take him.
Copy !req
567. Take me.
Copy !req
568. We got 12 bottles of water,
56 beers, two vodkas,
Copy !req
569. four whiskeys, six bottles of wine,
tequila, Nutella,
Copy !req
570. cheese, pizza, eggs, bananas,
apples, bacon, steaks,
Copy !req
571. pancake mix, CT Crunch, milk,
ketchup, a Milky Way,
Copy !req
572. half ounce Sour Diesel,
three and a half grams Grand Master Kush,
Copy !req
573. one ounce of 'shrooms, 15 pills of ecstasy,
Copy !req
574. a porno mag, a baseball bat,
Copy !req
575. and the video camera
from the movie 27 Hours.
Copy !req
576. 127 Hours.
Copy !req
577. And a functioning revolver
from the movie Flyboys.
Copy !req
578. Old Faithful.
Copy !req
579. - Jesus.
- Thing's real.
Copy !req
580. - No, I kept this from the movie.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
581. - This is an actual revolver.
- I see.
Copy !req
582. Franco, that's very uncomfortable.
Could you put that down, please?
Copy !req
583. Loaded.
Copy !req
584. - Love it.
- Awesome.
Copy !req
585. - Can you just put the gun away?
- I always keep my props.
Copy !req
586. - That's really cool.
- Always keep my props.
Copy !req
587. I know how to handle it.
Copy !req
588. He knows what he's doing. I like this bit.
I like it. I get it. Let me see.
Copy !req
589. - It's real. It's heavy.
- Let me see it like that.
Copy !req
590. - God damn!
- Come on, guys!
Copy !req
591. - You could kill...
- Careful.
Copy !req
592. - Bang, bang!
- Jesus!
Copy !req
593. - Please, put it down!
- Fuck!
Copy !req
594. Bang, bang, bang. You're dead.
Copy !req
595. - I hope you're fucking happy.
- Pow, pow, pow.
Copy !req
596. Stop... Guys, stop fucking with the gun.
Copy !req
597. - Jesus! Jesus!
- Pow, pow.
Copy !req
598. - It's a real gun!
- Bang.
Copy !req
599. It's so funny. It's so funny.
Copy !req
600. - Guys, it's funny.
- It's not funny!
Copy !req
601. We're getting sidetracked.
Copy !req
602. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
603. - I'll just kill myself.
- No!
Copy !req
604. - Don't do that, Jonah!
- Jesus.
Copy !req
605. - Oh, no.
- Jonah, give it back.
Copy !req
606. - I don't know! I don't know.
- Don't do that.
Copy !req
607. - Jonah.
- I'm so...
Copy !req
608. - Oh, my God. Hey.
- Oh, dude.
Copy !req
609. - Come on, no, no. Don't. Jesus!
- Would you put the thing down?
Copy !req
610. The whole...
Copy !req
611. I'm trying to have some fun, man.
Copy !req
612. Okay, okay, Jesus.
Copy !req
613. Look, just because a bunch
of people fell into a hole outside
Copy !req
614. doesn't mean we can't have some fun.
Copy !req
615. We're a bunch of best friends hanging out.
It's like a sleepover.
Copy !req
616. Okay, food.
How are we gonna deal with this?
Copy !req
617. Can I have that Milky Way?
Copy !req
618. No, you can't have the Milky Way.
Copy !req
619. - That's my Milky Way.
- There's a bunch... What?
Copy !req
620. I went out this morning,
Copy !req
621. specifically bought this Milky Way
to eat after my party.
Copy !req
622. - That's weird.
- It's not weird. It's my special food.
Copy !req
623. I like it. Back me up on that, Seth.
Copy !req
624. I don't think you should get
the whole Milky Way.
Copy !req
625. I want some of the Milky Way.
Copy !req
626. I'd be pretty bummed if I don't
at least get a bite of the Milky Way.
Copy !req
627. Now Craig wants a bite of the Milky Way.
Copy !req
628. Yeah, I want a bite of the Milky Way.
It's a fucking Milky Way.
Copy !req
629. A fifth of everything
is what's fair and reasonable.
Copy !req
630. Everyone gets a fifth of everything.
Copy !req
631. I want one-fifth of your T-shirt!
Copy !req
632. I want the bottom part, the belly.
Copy !req
633. I'm not sporting a crop top in your house.
Copy !req
634. I'll cut that shit off and make a headband.
Copy !req
635. You couldn't handle my midriff.
Copy !req
636. Guys, the only issue is,
I kind of need the Milky Way.
Copy !req
637. For fuck's sake.
Copy !req
638. No, for real, I have low blood sugar,
Copy !req
639. and if my endorphins drop too low,
Copy !req
640. I'm gonna be a nightmare to be around.
Copy !req
641. - What?
- Your LBS starts acting up,
Copy !req
642. you can have a finger scoop of Nutella,
okay?
Copy !req
643. - One finger scoop of Nutella.
- Fair.
Copy !req
644. I'm going to bed.
Copy !req
645. Jesus fucking...
Copy !req
646. Don't touch that Milky Way, Jonah.
Copy !req
647. Night, James.
Copy !req
648. Oh, God, no!
Copy !req
649. Fuck.
Copy !req
650. - Hey.
- Hey.
Copy !req
651. I'm gonna sleep with you.
Copy !req
652. - What?
- I'm gonna sleep with you.
Copy !req
653. - It's too scary to sleep alone.
- But this is my little area.
Copy !req
654. Well, I'm invading your little area.
Copy !req
655. I'm sorry, but I'm too scared, okay?
Copy !req
656. Are you mad at me, man?
Copy !req
657. If I was pissed at you,
Copy !req
658. I'm sure it would have something to do
Copy !req
659. with the fact that I had no interest
in coming to this house socially,
Copy !req
660. and now, I am barricaded in here
Copy !req
661. with a bunch of people that I really hate.
Copy !req
662. Maybe this was meant to be.
Copy !req
663. Maybe this horrible, horrible,
deadly earthquake happened
Copy !req
664. so we could become closer
as a group of friends.
Copy !req
665. I don't need a group. I'm like DMX, man.
I'm a lone wolf.
Copy !req
666. DMX isn't a lone wolf.
DMX has the Ruff Ryder crew.
Copy !req
667. You can't stop, drop,
and open up shop alone.
Copy !req
668. You need people to help you
in an earthquake disastery situation.
Copy !req
669. It was something else. It was Judgment Day.
Copy !req
670. Like Terminator 2?
Copy !req
671. No, not like Terminator 2. For God's sakes.
Copy !req
672. Like Skynet? You think this is Skynet?
Copy !req
673. - Like, Skynet went live?
- No.
Copy !req
674. Will you please stop saying "Skynet"?
Copy !req
675. Well, you're the one that said Judgment Day.
Copy !req
676. The biblical Judgment Day.
Copy !req
677. - What?
- That's crazy. It's just...
Copy !req
678. - You fucking heathen.
- Okay, here's the thing.
Copy !req
679. Let's say for a second there was blue light
sucking people up into the sky.
Copy !req
680. That means that we were not
awesome enough to go to heaven.
Copy !req
681. Shit! Shit.
Copy !req
682. What y'all doing?
Copy !req
683. Fuck you, Craig.
Copy !req
684. I'm scared. It's scary by myself.
Copy !req
685. It's way better with more people.
Copy !req
686. - I'm gonna come down here.
- Yeah, good, yeah. Get in here, man.
Copy !req
687. Get right in there.
Copy !req
688. So, you're gonna...
Copy !req
689. - Right here.
- Right here.
Copy !req
690. I feel better, actually. I like that.
Copy !req
691. It's better with more people.
Copy !req
692. Hey, guys...
Copy !req
693. - Jesus Christ.
- Jesus!
Copy !req
694. Sorry. Franco has this crazy open floor plan.
I can hear every word you guys are saying.
Copy !req
695. I might as well hang with you guys
if that's cool.
Copy !req
696. - Nice.
- Coming in hot.
Copy !req
697. I gonna grab a blanket from you.
Copy !req
698. Give me that blanket.
Copy !req
699. - Get in the middle of it.
- That's good.
Copy !req
700. - That's it.
- It feels so much more safe now, guys.
Copy !req
701. It's nice here.
Copy !req
702. - Should we spoon it?
- Yeah, you want to?
Copy !req
703. - No!
- Want to go...
Copy !req
704. - Dick to butt?
- No.
Copy !req
705. - My butt to you and then Jay.
- I don't want to butt to dick to anything.
Copy !req
706. Are you docking into me?
You're doing tip to me?
Copy !req
707. - Or what are you doing?
- Should we go butt to butt or dick to...
Copy !req
708. Seth and I are gonna go ass to ass.
Do you want to go front to front?
Copy !req
709. - No, I'm fine just going dicks up.
- Dicks up?
Copy !req
710. - I think I'm going dick to ass.
- You know what?
Copy !req
711. I'm going Scarface-style.
Copy !req
712. - Both of you guys.
- Wait, yeah.
Copy !req
713. - There we go.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
714. This is the best way.
Copy !req
715. Good night, boys.
Copy !req
716. - Good night.
- Good night.
Copy !req
717. Good night, guys.
Copy !req
718. - Night, my sweet guys.
- Good night.
Copy !req
719. Sweet dreams, fellas.
Copy !req
720. Fuck, yeah.
Copy !req
721. Franco! Good morning, sunshine.
Copy !req
722. Guys! Guys! Wake up!
Copy !req
723. Danny's alive!
He's eating all the fucking food!
Copy !req
724. - No!
- Danny, man, don't.
Copy !req
725. Danny!
Copy !req
726. No, it's cool, man.
I fucking made this for you guys.
Copy !req
727. - Stop eating!
- Don't eat another piece of bacon.
Copy !req
728. Guys, just chill the fuck out, okay?
Copy !req
729. I'm sure the Green Goblin
can fucking afford some more bacon.
Copy !req
730. Dude, that shit's supposed to last us
till we get rescued!
Copy !req
731. Wait a second. I know what happened.
Copy !req
732. You guys dropped acid, didn't you?
Copy !req
733. Craig doesn't have any pants on.
He got fucking wild.
Copy !req
734. Probably danced, sweated all over the place.
Copy !req
735. You got white shit
all over your mouth, Franco.
Copy !req
736. You probably sucked somebody's dick.
Copy !req
737. Jonah over here probably watched
and jerked off.
Copy !req
738. Jay, I didn't even know you were in town.
Good to see you.
Copy !req
739. Danny, we're not on acid.
We didn't suck each other's dicks!
Copy !req
740. James Franco didn't suck
any dick last night?
Copy !req
741. Now I know y'all are tripping.
Copy !req
742. You actually not know
what happened last night?
Copy !req
743. Daniel, you may want
to stay seated for a second.
Copy !req
744. Some really messed-up stuff happened,
and there were a lot of fatalities.
Copy !req
745. Really? You're putting your serious voice on,
Jonah?
Copy !req
746. Okay, tell me about these "fatalities."
Copy !req
747. Dude, Segel's dead, Krumholtz
is dead, Michael Cera's dead.
Copy !req
748. Guess if Michael Cera's gone,
it's not a total loss, huh?
Copy !req
749. - Jesus, Danny.
- Michael Cera's dead.
Copy !req
750. - What?
- It's not like that.
Copy !req
751. - It's not funny, man.
- It's really not funny.
Copy !req
752. Seth, that's a better performance
than you've given in your last six movies.
Copy !req
753. Where the fuck was that
in Green Hornet, huh?
Copy !req
754. Jonah, you're fucking sucking balls.
Copy !req
755. You're an Academy Award nominated person.
Copy !req
756. You need to be fucking
selling that shit, dude.
Copy !req
757. "Fatalities. There were some fatalities."
Copy !req
758. Fatalities.
Copy !req
759. Okay, now that was good. That was good.
Copy !req
760. Does it seem like we're fucking joking?
Copy !req
761. Hey, hey, hey!
What the fuck you eating, man?
Copy !req
762. Spit it out your mouth. Give me the bacon!
Copy !req
763. Shit.
Copy !req
764. Shit, what do we do?
Copy !req
765. Shoot 'em! Shoot 'em! Shoot 'em!
Copy !req
766. Should I shoot?
Copy !req
767. - Shut up, Franco!
- Shoot the door, Franco!
Copy !req
768. Oh, God!
Copy !req
769. Did you not hear me knocking out here?
I've been knocking forever.
Copy !req
770. Please! Please! You've got to let me in!
Copy !req
771. - Hang on a second.
- What?
Copy !req
772. Guys, I know it sounds really weird,
but I don't think we should let him in.
Copy !req
773. Why not?
Copy !req
774. Yeah, why not? I can hear you, by the way.
Copy !req
775. I'm sorry. We just don't know you, man.
Copy !req
776. You could be like, a looter,
or a rapist, or a tittie-fucker.
Copy !req
777. Like, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
778. Look, guys, we just boarded up
this whole house to keep everyone out,
Copy !req
779. and the first guy comes to the door,
we're gonna let him in?
Copy !req
780. I mean, how do we know
we can trust this guy?
Copy !req
781. I want to live!
Things have gone crazy out here!
Copy !req
782. "Fucking crazy out here!"
This guy fucking sucks.
Copy !req
783. - What if he's the rapist?
- Man, even if he is a rapist,
Copy !req
784. - he can't rape all of us.
- Yeah! No! So I'm not...
Copy !req
785. - I'm not a rapist!
- You want to tittie-fuck us?
Copy !req
786. If you want me to tittie-fuck you, I will!
So good! You'll love it.
Copy !req
787. Seth, back me up, please.
Copy !req
788. We can't just leave him out there to die.
Are you crazy?
Copy !req
789. What do you want to do?
I'll do whatever you want to do.
Copy !req
790. Let's vote on it.
Copy !req
791. Yeah, I fucking vote you let me in.
Copy !req
792. Here's my vote. Fuck all of you.
I'm letting him in. This is boring.
Copy !req
793. There's something out here!
Copy !req
794. This is real! This is fucking real!
Copy !req
795. God damn it!
Copy !req
796. You guys!
Copy !req
797. This man was alive a few seconds ago.
We can't play soccer with his head!
Copy !req
798. Pick it up, Jonah!
Copy !req
799. What the fuck is going on?
Copy !req
800. He blinked at me.
Copy !req
801. - He blinked at my face.
- Seth, put it over there.
Copy !req
802. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
803. I got it. I got it, guys.
Copy !req
804. There's blood all over my floor!
Copy !req
805. Time to relax for a second.
Copy !req
806. Okay, someone should look out the hole.
Copy !req
807. I ain't looking out that hole!
Copy !req
808. Last person looked through that hole
got his head chopped off!
Copy !req
809. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Whatever is out there might still be out there.
Copy !req
810. Okay, I know, I know.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Copy !req
811. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Copy !req
812. There's a lookout!
Copy !req
813. Jesus Christ! Look, there's
a huge fucking hole down there!
Copy !req
814. What the fuck is this?
Copy !req
815. - Where's the thing that killed the guy?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
816. - How'd his head fall off?
- And where's the rest of him?
Copy !req
817. Hi.
Copy !req
818. This is James Franco,
Copy !req
819. in my house, in my library.
Copy !req
820. We've been stuck here for about 24 hours.
Copy !req
821. Danny McBride is here.
Copy !req
822. I didn't even invite him to my party,
Copy !req
823. but he came and passed out in the bathtub,
Copy !req
824. and I got to say
it's, like, typical fucking McBride.
Copy !req
825. Like, I've been feeling really weird
about him lately.
Copy !req
826. Like, I don't really know
if I want to be friends with him,
Copy !req
827. and then he fucking showed up at my party,
Copy !req
828. and now, we're stuck here with him
in disaster lockdown, so...
Copy !req
829. - What up? What's going on?
- Hey, Danny. What's up, man?
Copy !req
830. Not much. What are you doing? What is this?
Copy !req
831. It's just a video confessional.
Copy !req
832. Fuck that dude.
Copy !req
833. - Earthquakes cause tsunamis.
- Yes.
Copy !req
834. Tsunamis cause other tsunamis, disaster.
Copy !req
835. I mean, for all we know,
the fucking Lakers could have just won,
Copy !req
836. and that's the reason
why all this is happening.
Copy !req
837. Hole in Franco's front yard? Sinkhole.
Copy !req
838. Every single time I turn on the news,
sinkhole in South America.
Copy !req
839. Bunch of South Americans
getting sucked into the ground.
Copy !req
840. - Sinkhole de Mayo.
- Sinkhole de Mayo.
Copy !req
841. That's why it's named that,
Copy !req
842. because sinkholes happen
in the summertime.
Copy !req
843. It's not wildfires. It's not earthquakes.
It's not sinkholes.
Copy !req
844. - I think I know what it is.
- Let's hear it.
Copy !req
845. I think it's the Apocalypse.
Copy !req
846. What?
Copy !req
847. I'm serious, boys.
It's all in here, in the Book of Revelations.
Copy !req
848. - You took my Bible?
- Well, just hear me out,
Copy !req
849. and you tell me that what I'm describing
isn't what's going on right now.
Copy !req
850. "And the skies shall open up,
and the light of the Lord shall shine down,
Copy !req
851. "and those of good heart shall be brought
into my kingdom of heaven."
Copy !req
852. That's the Rapture,
those are the gigantic beams of blue light.
Copy !req
853. "And there will be a great
mountain burning in fire."
Copy !req
854. I mean, the Hollywood Hills
are literally engulfed in flames
Copy !req
855. as we sit here right now.
Copy !req
856. The Hollywood Hills ain't no mountain.
It's a hill.
Copy !req
857. Takes about 10 minutes to get across
that motherfucker with no traffic.
Copy !req
858. - Coldwater.
- I take Laurel Canyon.
Copy !req
859. - Cahuenga.
- Cahuenga.
Copy !req
860. - I usually zip down Barham.
- Boys, can I just fucking finish?
Copy !req
861. I love Laurel Canyon.
Copy !req
862. "And out of the pit
rose a great red dragon having seven heads,
Copy !req
863. "that old serpent called the devil and Satan,
Copy !req
864. "which deceiveth the whole world,
was released onto the earth."
Copy !req
865. I love that dude.
He's from Where the Wild Things Are.
Copy !req
866. - It's a load of bullshit.
- It's not bullshit.
Copy !req
867. Want to know something else, Jay?
Copy !req
868. If this is the end of the world,
and all the good people died,
Copy !req
869. what you're saying is
Seth, me, Jonah, Craig and Danny
Copy !req
870. are a bunch of assholes.
Copy !req
871. I'm straight-up lovable, son.
Copy !req
872. And if this really is the Apocalypse,
Copy !req
873. you're here too.
Copy !req
874. So, that means you're just
as shitty as the rest of us.
Copy !req
875. Doesn't feel too good, does it?
Copy !req
876. Hey, guys. I'm going to sleep now.
Copy !req
877. Nobody come in here and bother me.
Copy !req
878. Go fish.
Copy !req
879. Put it back inside of here.
Copy !req
880. - Do you know what it is?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
881. Now you ask me
for something that you need.
Copy !req
882. First bit.
Copy !req
883. You're not cutting it all?
Copy !req
884. That's smart. You're divvying it up first.
Copy !req
885. - This is like, Fruyère or some shit.
- That's me.
Copy !req
886. Come on, Danny!
Copy !req
887. - You licked your finger.
- Come on, man.
Copy !req
888. If they're all equal, what does it matter?
Copy !req
889. Keep your hands and fingers off.
Copy !req
890. - Seth?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
891. - Can I talk to you for a second?
- Yeah, yeah.
Copy !req
892. Yeah, no shit.
Copy !req
893. Here. Off the menu, my man.
Copy !req
894. Holy shit, man. Where did you get these?
Copy !req
895. Hey, what's cheese without a few crackers?
Know what I'm saying?
Copy !req
896. - Hide it.
- Okay.
Copy !req
897. - 'Cause we're a team.
- Okay.
Copy !req
898. Freaks forever, brother.
Copy !req
899. Let's do all the drugs.
Copy !req
900. I don't really want to.
Copy !req
901. Should have thought of that
before you drank a can full of ecstasy.
Copy !req
902. What?
Copy !req
903. Should we call Red? Get more weed?
Copy !req
904. I don't know, man. That guy's gone crazy.
Copy !req
905. Good thing I have a lot
of fucking weed for you guys.
Copy !req
906. I hooked you guys up.
Copy !req
907. Now I need you guys
to assassinate Woody Harrelson.
Copy !req
908. If pot's legalized, my business will suffer.
Copy !req
909. And if my business suffers, I suffer.
Copy !req
910. So much suffering.
Copy !req
911. All 'cause of that inbred hemp seed,
Woody Harrelson.
Copy !req
912. I have to do what's right.
Copy !req
913. Weed is for the people.
It's the people's weed.
Copy !req
914. - If you don't assassinate him...
- We already quit.
Copy !req
915. I'm gonna assassinate both of you.
Copy !req
916. - Run!
- Go!
Copy !req
917. B.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F. forever.
Copy !req
918. B.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.
Copy !req
919. - Look out!
- Shit!
Copy !req
920. You're letting them get away!
Copy !req
921. I smoked weed with Steve Jobs,
Copy !req
922. and that's when he came up with the iPad.
Copy !req
923. It's pretty great.
Copy !req
924. We should make sequels
to more of our movies.
Copy !req
925. Yeah!
Copy !req
926. How 'bout we not do Your Highness 2?
Copy !req
927. - Yeah.
- Do 128 Hours.
Copy !req
928. - The beginning of the rest of your comedies.
- Looks good.
Copy !req
929. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
930. - Emma!
- It's Emma.
Copy !req
931. Oh, my God, you guys are alive.
Copy !req
932. You're actually alive. Thank God!
Copy !req
933. I hid in a drainpipe for days.
Copy !req
934. Like, three or four.
I don't even know how many.
Copy !req
935. And then I stopped hearing people,
and I started hearing growling noises.
Copy !req
936. Out there, in your travels,
Copy !req
937. did you see anything
that you would describe
Copy !req
938. as Apocalyptish?
Copy !req
939. I mean, no,
Copy !req
940. but I would say it's completely obvious
what's going on here.
Copy !req
941. I mean, it's a zombie invasion.
Copy !req
942. - Fuck!
- I'm the one who said it's been zombies.
Copy !req
943. - You said zombies?
- I said zombies the whole time.
Copy !req
944. - You said zombies?
- I don't think... You never said zombies.
Copy !req
945. Wait a second.
You guys haven't been proven right.
Copy !req
946. These are still just theories.
Copy !req
947. Honestly, I'm just so relieved
that you guys are here,
Copy !req
948. and I'm very happy
about the idea of sleeping and just...
Copy !req
949. - You tired?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
950. If you want to take a little rest,
Copy !req
951. you're welcome to do that upstairs.
Copy !req
952. - Thank you.
- Cool.
Copy !req
953. - I'll show you the way.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
954. Thanks, guys.
Seriously, you're awesome, really.
Copy !req
955. You're awesome.
Copy !req
956. So fucking tight.
Copy !req
957. We'll be right out here, okay?
Copy !req
958. Fuck are you guys doing out here?
Copy !req
959. Here's what I think we should do.
She's British, right?
Copy !req
960. She's used to eating shitty food anyway.
Copy !req
961. Let's just give her all the shitty food
that we don't want.
Copy !req
962. That's fucked up. Look how tiny she is.
Copy !req
963. She's not even a full seven.
She's, like, half a seven.
Copy !req
964. This is a fucking cool thing, man.
Copy !req
965. I, for one, am very excited.
I'm a massive Harry Potter fan.
Copy !req
966. - What?
- Yes. I love fucking Harry Potter.
Copy !req
967. I cannot wait till she wakes up and I can
ask her all these amazing questions about
Copy !req
968. how they made those motion pictures.
Copy !req
969. Take it easy, Dumbledore.
Copy !req
970. Guys, listen, listen. I think we need
to address the elephant in the room.
Copy !req
971. Whoa. Jay, don't talk about Craig like that.
Copy !req
972. - That's fucked up. I'm right here, man.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
973. I'm not calling Craig an elephant.
Copy !req
974. - Wow, that's fucking weird.
- What does that even mean?
Copy !req
975. - Yeah, no.
- That's racist.
Copy !req
976. I wasn't referring to him.
Copy !req
977. I was referring to the issue
that's on all of our minds.
Copy !req
978. What?
Copy !req
979. This is one girl in a house with six males.
Copy !req
980. Yeah. Really safe.
Copy !req
981. Ideal scenario.
Copy !req
982. She's like a little sister.
Copy !req
983. I think that she needs...
Copy !req
984. It's important that she feels safe.
Copy !req
985. - Yeah.
- And comfortable.
Copy !req
986. And we should be mindful.
Copy !req
987. Who's making her not feel safe?
Copy !req
988. Well, I'm just saying, we should...
Copy !req
989. We don't want to give off a bad vibe.
Copy !req
990. - Vibe?
- Vibes? I ain't giving no vibes.
Copy !req
991. Yeah, wait, what kind of vibes
are you talking about, man?
Copy !req
992. He's talking about us giving off a rapey vibe.
Copy !req
993. - Hey!
- What?
Copy !req
994. - Jesus.
- Jay, what the fuck, man?
Copy !req
995. Chill out, dude.
Copy !req
996. - Why you putting that shit in the mix?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
997. - He fucking said it.
- You're the one saying it.
Copy !req
998. No one here is thinking about raping anyone.
Copy !req
999. Well, you talking about vibes
Copy !req
1000. is the only thing that's rapey
going on right now.
Copy !req
1001. Dude, nothing was rapey till
you brought up the rapey vibes.
Copy !req
1002. - Fucking one who smelt it dealt it, dawg.
- True that, dude.
Copy !req
1003. One who denies it supplies it.
Copy !req
1004. I know, it's farts, I get it.
Copy !req
1005. Guys, guys, guys.
Copy !req
1006. Jay's not rapey.
Copy !req
1007. Jay couldn't rape a fly.
Copy !req
1008. He probably could.
Copy !req
1009. Maybe we should just stop this
entire conversation right now.
Copy !req
1010. If anyone's gonna rape anyone here,
it's probably gonna be Danny.
Copy !req
1011. - What the fuck, Franco?
- What?
Copy !req
1012. Why do you think I'm gonna rape somebody?
Copy !req
1013. I'm just trying to lay it out there.
Copy !req
1014. I'm not gonna rape anyone, all right?
Copy !req
1015. If anyone's gonna rape somebody, it's Jay.
Copy !req
1016. - What?
- He came up with the rape idea.
Copy !req
1017. And his face looks like the police sketch
Copy !req
1018. - of a fucking rapist.
- True.
Copy !req
1019. What the fuck does that mean?
Copy !req
1020. If anybody's raping Emma Watson,
it's fucking Sir Rapes-a-Lot over here.
Copy !req
1021. - Chill out.
- Hey!
Copy !req
1022. Easy. Easy.
Copy !req
1023. Back the fuck up!
Copy !req
1024. - Emma.
- What's wrong?
Copy !req
1025. - Wait, what's wrong?
- What's wrong?
Copy !req
1026. I just heard you guys talking about
which one of you is gonna get to rape me.
Copy !req
1027. No, no, no, no!
Copy !req
1028. Guys, I got it. I got it.
Copy !req
1029. No. It's funny. It's funny.
Copy !req
1030. We were specifically talking
about not raping you.
Copy !req
1031. - Jesus!
- Holy shit!
Copy !req
1032. Back up!
Copy !req
1033. It's me, Jonah!
Copy !req
1034. It's me, Jonah Hill.
Copy !req
1035. America's sweetheart. J-bug, J-bone.
Copy !req
1036. - Your friend. I would never hurt you.
- Get back!
Copy !req
1037. Give me everything you have to drink!
Put it in the bag!
Copy !req
1038. There's six of us. You cannot rob us!
Copy !req
1039. I'm not fucking around!
Copy !req
1040. Give her drinks! Give her drinks!
Copy !req
1041. Put the drinks in a bag!
Copy !req
1042. - Oh, God.
- Get all the drinks in a bag!
Copy !req
1043. Hurry the fuck up!
Copy !req
1044. Okay, they're getting the drinks.
Copy !req
1045. - Put the ax down.
- Don't give the Milky Way away.
Copy !req
1046. All right, you can put the ax down now.
Copy !req
1047. Now, Franco! Shoot her face!
Copy !req
1048. Shoot her!
Copy !req
1049. I'm not gonna shoot Emma Watson!
Copy !req
1050. Look, Emma, just stay here with us.
Copy !req
1051. It's a lot safer than out there.
Copy !req
1052. Hermione just stole all of our shit.
Copy !req
1053. Little bitty-ass 20-year-old jacked us.
Copy !req
1054. And then Jay suggested that we all rape her,
and now she's gone.
Copy !req
1055. I didn't... I was just... I...
Copy !req
1056. I think the only reason why
he did that is because Jay knows
Copy !req
1057. he's about fucking two minutes away
from becoming the house bitch himself.
Copy !req
1058. So now, motherfuckers is thirsty.
Copy !req
1059. All right, guys.
Copy !req
1060. The door to the basement's out there,
around the side of the house.
Copy !req
1061. I know for sure there's at least
two jugs of water.
Copy !req
1062. Okay.
Copy !req
1063. Any volunteers?
Copy !req
1064. Does anyone want to volunteer
and go with Jay?
Copy !req
1065. What?
Copy !req
1066. I thought you said, "Someone volunteer
to go with me out there."
Copy !req
1067. I must have misheard you.
Copy !req
1068. - I'm sorry.
- You did not, you motherfucker.
Copy !req
1069. Hey, okay, ease up.
Copy !req
1070. Just chill out, dude. Just relax, man. God.
Copy !req
1071. So how we gonna decide this, fellas?
Copy !req
1072. All right, guys, it's simple.
Copy !req
1073. Whoever pulls the burnt match
has to go get the water.
Copy !req
1074. Who wants to go first?
Copy !req
1075. I'll do it.
Copy !req
1076. Craig.
Copy !req
1077. All right.
Copy !req
1078. Go ahead, brother.
Copy !req
1079. No whammies, no whammies.
Copy !req
1080. - Hey, hey.
- Yes! Yeah!
Copy !req
1081. - Fuck, yes!
- Yes!
Copy !req
1082. Fuck, yes. Fuck, yes.
Copy !req
1083. - So sorry, Craig.
- A lot of guys in here
Copy !req
1084. that I wish it was instead of you.
Copy !req
1085. You want to go best two out of three?
Copy !req
1086. If I tug, if I pull in any way,
or if you hear me screaming,
Copy !req
1087. anything, you pull me right back in, all right?
Copy !req
1088. Yeah. We'll try, man, but you're pretty heavy.
Copy !req
1089. What?
Copy !req
1090. No, I mean, I'm saying,
I just don't think it's smart
Copy !req
1091. - to make any guarantees.
- Fuck, no.
Copy !req
1092. - You promise to pull me back in.
- No, no, we're...
Copy !req
1093. - You got me?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Copy !req
1094. - We're gonna do our best.
- All right.
Copy !req
1095. - You want to do a test run?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1096. You gotta scream. Let us hear the scream.
Copy !req
1097. Pull.
Copy !req
1098. Nice. Very nice.
Copy !req
1099. Everyone thank Craig for doing this.
Copy !req
1100. - Thanks, Craig.
- Thank you, Craig.
Copy !req
1101. Go for it, Craig.
Copy !req
1102. Getting smoky in here. Go, go, go, go.
Copy !req
1103. This is fucked up.
Copy !req
1104. Goddamn.
Copy !req
1105. Smoky as fuck out here.
Copy !req
1106. Rope burn!
Copy !req
1107. Grab it, grab it, grab it!
Copy !req
1108. Oh, no, no, no, no!
Copy !req
1109. - Shit.
- Oh, no.
Copy !req
1110. Shit. Shit.
Copy !req
1111. Come on, motherfucker. Shit!
Copy !req
1112. Fuck this shit.
Copy !req
1113. Fellas, fellas! Pull me in! Pull the rope!
Copy !req
1114. - Pull me in!
- We don't have the rope anymore!
Copy !req
1115. We fucking dropped it! We're sorry!
Copy !req
1116. You've got the rope, man!
Copy !req
1117. What?
Copy !req
1118. - Craig!
- What the fuck do we do?
Copy !req
1119. Craig! Craig!
Copy !req
1120. Are you okay?
Copy !req
1121. What happened, man?
Copy !req
1122. I don't know! There's something out there.
Copy !req
1123. Oh, shit!
Copy !req
1124. A knife! Somebody throw me a knife!
Copy !req
1125. I'll get it.
Copy !req
1126. - Why?
- OMG.
Copy !req
1127. Jay, I'm so sorry, bro.
Copy !req
1128. The fuck?
Copy !req
1129. Cut it! Cut it! Cut it! Cut it! Cut it!
Copy !req
1130. God! What the fuck was that?
Copy !req
1131. I don't know what the fuck that was,
but I ain't going back out there.
Copy !req
1132. Craig, you didn't even get any of the water.
Copy !req
1133. The door was fucked up.
Copy !req
1134. Damn it, this is so frustrating!
Copy !req
1135. It's so close, but so far.
Copy !req
1136. The water, it's, like, right underneath us.
Copy !req
1137. Like, right there.
Copy !req
1138. What do you mean "right underneath us"?
Copy !req
1139. Like, literally, like, right there.
Copy !req
1140. If you went right through the floor.
Copy !req
1141. Yo.
Copy !req
1142. Danny and Jonah's shift ends in ten minutes,
so our break is almost over.
Copy !req
1143. Okay.
Copy !req
1144. Let me ask you something.
Copy !req
1145. You really think this is
Copy !req
1146. the Apocalypse?
Copy !req
1147. You saw something out there, didn't you?
Copy !req
1148. All right, let's just say
for sake of argument, what if I did?
Copy !req
1149. What if this is the real shit,
right now, happening?
Copy !req
1150. What if it is, man?
We're not prepared for this.
Copy !req
1151. - What do we do? What's next?
- It says in the Bible,
Copy !req
1152. "The worthy will ascend to Heaven."
Copy !req
1153. Even if it is
the Apocalypse, it's not the end of us.
Copy !req
1154. There's still hope.
Copy !req
1155. We just have to somehow
try to prove our worthiness.
Copy !req
1156. Okay, so, you mean, like,
Copy !req
1157. like the Ten Commandments,
like, do shit unto people
Copy !req
1158. that'll do the same shit to you.
Copy !req
1159. That's a great place to start.
Copy !req
1160. You know, to just overall love.
Copy !req
1161. Just be nicer
and follow those commandments.
Copy !req
1162. Listen. We're gonna get through this.
We're gonna get through this, man.
Copy !req
1163. You know why?
'Cause we're gonna do it together.
Copy !req
1164. You promise?
Copy !req
1165. We're gonna do this.
Copy !req
1166. I hear everything.
Copy !req
1167. Who did this?
Copy !req
1168. Did what? What are you talking about?
Copy !req
1169. Jizzed all over the pages
of this nice magazine
Copy !req
1170. I was nice enough to tell you about.
Copy !req
1171. Was it you, Seth?
Copy !req
1172. No.
Copy !req
1173. - No?
- It was me, Franco.
Copy !req
1174. I fucking made jizz in your magazine.
Copy !req
1175. - Why?
- When I fucking jack off
Copy !req
1176. long enough, I end up jizzing, dude.
Copy !req
1177. I'm assuming the same shit works for you?
Copy !req
1178. Real fucking smart answer!
Why don't you fucking aim, huh?
Copy !req
1179. I have a particularly explosive ejaculate.
It just goes everywhere.
Copy !req
1180. It's like a fucking wild fireman's hose.
Copy !req
1181. You just got to grab on and pray to God
it doesn't get in your eyes or your mouth.
Copy !req
1182. The fuck kind ofjerking off is that?
What, you never had any brothers?
Copy !req
1183. You didn't learn to jizz in a fucking sock
or on a fucking tissue?
Copy !req
1184. No, I don't have any brothers.
I was raised in a house of women!
Copy !req
1185. I highly doubt they fucking taught you
Copy !req
1186. to fucking close your eyes
and fucking cum wherever you want!
Copy !req
1187. I mean, you're getting all worked up
over a fucking porno mag!
Copy !req
1188. Who has goddamn porno mags anymore?
Copy !req
1189. Welcome to the 21 st century, Buck Rogers!
Copy !req
1190. You designed a house with
fucking iPads in the walls,
Copy !req
1191. yet you're jerking your dick
like a goddamn pilgrim!
Copy !req
1192. That's right, man. I like to fucking read!
Copy !req
1193. You think that's the only thing
I jerked off in here?
Copy !req
1194. I've been dropping loads around this
fucking house like a goddamn dump truck.
Copy !req
1195. You don't cum on my stuff!
Copy !req
1196. I'll cum wherever the fuck I want, James.
I'll fucking cum in your kitchen.
Copy !req
1197. I'll cum on your fucking art.
I'll cum anywhere I want!
Copy !req
1198. I will fucking cum right on you!
Copy !req
1199. I will cum like a fucking
madman all over you, McBride!
Copy !req
1200. I fucking wish you'd cum on me right now.
I fucking dare you to cum on me!
Copy !req
1201. God!
Copy !req
1202. I'm gonna jack my dick
so fucking hard in here!
Copy !req
1203. This, no more, man.
All over your fucking face.
Copy !req
1204. This fucking all more.
All over the fucking place!
Copy !req
1205. I'll fucking cum anywhere I want!
Copy !req
1206. I'll fucking cum on these walls!
I'll cum on the fucking cabinets!
Copy !req
1207. On the fucking furniture!
I'll cum everywhere!
Copy !req
1208. If I see your dick one more time,
I'm gonna fucking shoot it off!
Copy !req
1209. You don't have enough bullets, bitch.
Copy !req
1210. No fucking jerking off in my house, McBride!
Copy !req
1211. - Come on, man.
- Fuck this.
Copy !req
1212. I'm just... I'm too thirsty to do this.
Copy !req
1213. And the fucking bitter irony is I'm not gonna
have my thirst quenched until I finish this.
Copy !req
1214. - God damn it, I hate it.
- Danny, no.
Copy !req
1215. Don't walk away.
Danny, don't walk away from me!
Copy !req
1216. It's too late, Seth.
I've already walked away too much.
Copy !req
1217. No, you haven't. You could still come back
Copy !req
1218. and just fucking turn around
and come back and help me.
Copy !req
1219. Danny?
Copy !req
1220. Daniel?
Copy !req
1221. Need a hand?
Copy !req
1222. Yeah, dude.
Copy !req
1223. Your shift just ended, man.
Copy !req
1224. You don't have to help me
if you don't want to.
Copy !req
1225. It's fine, I get it.
Copy !req
1226. The fuck else am I doing?
Copy !req
1227. I appreciate it, man. Thank you.
Copy !req
1228. - Done and done.
- That's cool.
Copy !req
1229. I don't know why I'm thinking of this,
but remember that time
Copy !req
1230. that I got you a fucking
Taco Bell gift certificate
Copy !req
1231. for, like, 20 bucks, and I bet you
that you couldn't eat all of that in one sitting.
Copy !req
1232. I do remember that. I remember thinking,
Copy !req
1233. "How much food could 20 dollars
possibly buy you at Taco Bell?"
Copy !req
1234. And the answer is infinite.
Copy !req
1235. And we went to see fucking Gladiator.
Copy !req
1236. - Yeah.
- And you sharted midway through the movie.
Copy !req
1237. - I did.
- Due to the tigers' appearance.
Copy !req
1238. - I got scared of the tigers.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1239. Literally, when the second
tiger came out, I went...
Copy !req
1240. and then I shat.
Copy !req
1241. I shat in the theater.
Copy !req
1242. - Jesus.
- Oh, fuck.
Copy !req
1243. You guys okay?
Copy !req
1244. - I broke my ass in half.
- Here.
Copy !req
1245. Shit, they got through!
Copy !req
1246. - You guys fucking did it.
- Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1247. - Fuck. Did that hurt?
- Yes, it fucking hurt.
Copy !req
1248. I loosened this up for you,
I'll have you know.
Copy !req
1249. Okay, just shut up.
It's fucking dark down here.
Copy !req
1250. Hold on, hold on.
Copy !req
1251. Nice.
Copy !req
1252. - Okay, good. Thank you.
- What is that?
Copy !req
1253. That's Terrence Peterson.
My monkey flashlight keychain.
Copy !req
1254. Monkey flashlight keychain?
Copy !req
1255. - What's his name?
- Terrence Peterson.
Copy !req
1256. - You see it, Seth?
- No. Where...
Copy !req
1257. Are you sure it's even down here?
Copy !req
1258. Terry Pete.
Copy !req
1259. Not sure.
Copy !req
1260. Is there, is there any weird shit down here?
Copy !req
1261. Nah, it's where I keep
all my stuff from my old movies.
Copy !req
1262. Costumes, props.
Copy !req
1263. - What?
- Is someone down there?
Copy !req
1264. It's your fucking stupid
cutout from Spider-Man 3.
Copy !req
1265. Jesus Christ.
Copy !req
1266. No shit!
Copy !req
1267. - There it is!
- Yes! Yeah!
Copy !req
1268. - What, did you find it?
- Yeah!
Copy !req
1269. Water.
Copy !req
1270. That is so fucking good.
Copy !req
1271. The two heroes over here,
breaking through the floor.
Copy !req
1272. We did break through the floor.
Copy !req
1273. Any of you guys would
have done the same thing.
Copy !req
1274. Oh, man. That fucking hurt.
Copy !req
1275. Yeah, I'm surprised you didn't shart again.
Copy !req
1276. I think I did.
Copy !req
1277. Hey, what year is this? 19...
Copy !req
1278. That's a good... That's a good year.
Copy !req
1279. Hey, hey. Yo, yo, yo!
Copy !req
1280. Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?
Copy !req
1281. What am I doing?
Copy !req
1282. Fuck, man.
Copy !req
1283. I'm just pouring myself
another glass of water
Copy !req
1284. to wash down that dry-ass
Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Copy !req
1285. That's very nice, but you can't just
pour yourself another glass of water, man!
Copy !req
1286. Will you cut it out?
Copy !req
1287. - Yeah.
- We agreed to one glass at dinner,
Copy !req
1288. we voted on it, man.
Copy !req
1289. Well, man, I'm just getting sick and tired
of all these fucking rules, man.
Copy !req
1290. You don't see me putting rules on you guys.
Copy !req
1291. You cannot have another glass of water.
Copy !req
1292. Jay weighs 150 pounds less than me.
Copy !req
1293. Why the fuck is it fair
Copy !req
1294. that him and I should drink
the same amount of water?
Copy !req
1295. We should be dividing our rations
based on our proportionate size.
Copy !req
1296. I don't want to come off
as a diva here or anything.
Copy !req
1297. It's just that I think everyone
should split everything equally.
Copy !req
1298. "I just think that everybody
should have the fucking same.
Copy !req
1299. "I have a goddamn earring."
Shut the fuck up, Jonah!
Copy !req
1300. You know what, Danny? If you weren't jizzing
all the time, maybe you'd be more hydrated.
Copy !req
1301. You're making me into a joke
right now, Franco,
Copy !req
1302. and you are not gonna like
the fucking punch line.
Copy !req
1303. No more jerking off! No more water!
Just sit the fuck down!
Copy !req
1304. Okay, I'm done.
Copy !req
1305. We're not gonna have any more water.
Copy !req
1306. - Good.
- All right.
Copy !req
1307. Hey!
Copy !req
1308. Someone help me! Fucking grab it!
Copy !req
1309. What are you doing?
Copy !req
1310. You guys made this happen!
Copy !req
1311. You guys forced my fucking hand
by ganging up on me.
Copy !req
1312. God damn it, I'm gonna fucking
kill this motherfucker!
Copy !req
1313. That's what I thought. Nerd.
Copy !req
1314. All right, guys,
Copy !req
1315. let's get rid of him.
Copy !req
1316. What? What do you mean?
Copy !req
1317. Like, kick him out of the house?
Copy !req
1318. His fucking reckless behavior is
dragging us all down.
Copy !req
1319. I mean, he wasted our water twice.
Copy !req
1320. Two times. Two times.
Copy !req
1321. Dan is under a lot of pressure. Okay?
Copy !req
1322. And he's not handling it
as good as the rest of us are.
Copy !req
1323. Look at him.
He's wearing my fucking tuxedo.
Copy !req
1324. He's been eating nonstop.
Copy !req
1325. The fucker's gained weight since he got here.
Copy !req
1326. The fucker's got to go.
Copy !req
1327. Go.
Copy !req
1328. The fucker's got to go.
Copy !req
1329. This is how you all feel?
Copy !req
1330. We talked about it.
Copy !req
1331. You guys are gonna vote me off the island?
Copy !req
1332. I mean, I made you guys breakfast.
Copy !req
1333. Shit, man, you wasted half
of our food when you did that.
Copy !req
1334. Just thought I was doing
something nice for you guys.
Copy !req
1335. Just to apologize
for my behavior at the party.
Copy !req
1336. Party I wasn't even invited to.
Copy !req
1337. I'm not an idiot.
Copy !req
1338. I know why you guys don't fucking call me
or hang out with me anymore.
Copy !req
1339. It's because I party so fucking hard.
Copy !req
1340. Always have. Ever since I was a baby.
Copy !req
1341. I wouldn't just suck on my mama's titties.
Copy !req
1342. I would fucking bang 'em and motorboat 'em.
Copy !req
1343. Everything I've been doing
has just been a cry for help.
Copy !req
1344. When I came on your magazine, James,
Copy !req
1345. it was a cum for help.
Copy !req
1346. I've just been crying and comin'
and crying and comin',
Copy !req
1347. tears from the tip of my penis, dudes.
Copy !req
1348. I'm sorry, all right?
You can cum wherever you want.
Copy !req
1349. I don't even care about coming anymore.
Copy !req
1350. Right now, I'm just kind of into going.
Copy !req
1351. - Danny.
- Danny.
Copy !req
1352. - Hey.
- Come on, man.
Copy !req
1353. I fucked up.
Copy !req
1354. I'm sorry, man. Come on, look,
Copy !req
1355. - I was wrong.
- I feel like shit, man.
Copy !req
1356. I didn't want it to happen like this.
Copy !req
1357. - Let's just discuss it some more, okay?
- Yeah. Let's just talk, dude.
Copy !req
1358. We're giving you an option.
It's a choice, man.
Copy !req
1359. There's nothing to figure out, all right?
Copy !req
1360. You guys have said enough,
and there's no going back anymore.
Copy !req
1361. I don't know if there maybe is, like,
something you guys could give me
Copy !req
1362. so I could at least have some sort of
protection while I'm out there.
Copy !req
1363. Danny, you don't have to do this.
Copy !req
1364. - Yeah, man.
- All right,
Copy !req
1365. if you're really leaving
Copy !req
1366. then you should take this.
Copy !req
1367. Really?
Copy !req
1368. You don't know what's out there.
Copy !req
1369. Thank you, James.
Copy !req
1370. It means a lot to you,
and I appreciate that you'd give this to me,
Copy !req
1371. you stupid, stupid motherfucker!
Copy !req
1372. Fucking psychopath. It's a prop gun!
Copy !req
1373. What, do you think
I'd put real bullets in here?
Copy !req
1374. You were gonna send me out there
with a fucking gun
Copy !req
1375. - filled with blanks?
- Fuck you!
Copy !req
1376. Don't turn this around on us.
Copy !req
1377. You just tried to shoot us,
you fucking dickhead!
Copy !req
1378. Fucking murdering motherfucker!
Copy !req
1379. Whatever.
Fucking civilization is broken down.
Copy !req
1380. There's no more reason
for this false bullshit.
Copy !req
1381. You guys act like you're
so fucking high and mighty,
Copy !req
1382. like you've never made
a goddamn mistake before.
Copy !req
1383. Franco, you're just
a pretentious fucking nerd.
Copy !req
1384. Fuck you.
Copy !req
1385. And, Jonah,
Copy !req
1386. you fucking cunt.
Copy !req
1387. Craig, you didn't have my back, back there.
Copy !req
1388. - You fuckin' disappoint me.
- Bro.
Copy !req
1389. And, Seth, you duplicitous taint.
Copy !req
1390. - What?
- Then of course, there's Jay,
Copy !req
1391. the self-righteous,
cock-sucking, two-faced backstabber.
Copy !req
1392. What the fuck are you talking about?
Copy !req
1393. I overheard your little
conversation with Craig, all right?
Copy !req
1394. The only reason
why you care about any of us is
Copy !req
1395. because you think
that's what God wants you to do.
Copy !req
1396. You don't give a shit about us.
Copy !req
1397. No, no, no, no, that's fucking
twisting that shit... You're fucking lying.
Copy !req
1398. Am I twisting this?
Copy !req
1399. I believe you were in Los Angeles
two months ago, at the Four Seasons.
Copy !req
1400. I saw you there, and you specifically
asked me not to tell Seth,
Copy !req
1401. so that you could maintain the illusion
that you always stay with Seth
Copy !req
1402. when you're in Los Angeles.
Copy !req
1403. Jay.
Copy !req
1404. - Fuck, man.
- It's not...
Copy !req
1405. Textbook twattage.
Copy !req
1406. And just for the record, you guys,
Copy !req
1407. I'm choosing to leave,
you're not kicking me out.
Copy !req
1408. You guys had already said that
I could come back in
Copy !req
1409. and I'm the one who said
that I'm not coming back in.
Copy !req
1410. Don't be cocky.
Copy !req
1411. Get the fuck out of here.
Copy !req
1412. Is that true?
Copy !req
1413. Yes.
Copy !req
1414. Jay...
Copy !req
1415. I know this is probably my fault
because I put you on a pedestal,
Copy !req
1416. but you should not be
dishonest with your friends.
Copy !req
1417. But you really let me down.
Copy !req
1418. - Hey! Whoa!
- Jay, damn, man.
Copy !req
1419. - Fucker.
- What the hell?
Copy !req
1420. It's all fucked, isn't it?
Copy !req
1421. - Jonah, you okay?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1422. Bleeding?
Copy !req
1423. Yeah.
Copy !req
1424. His insides hurt worse than my outsides.
Copy !req
1425. Dear God,
Copy !req
1426. I'd like to pray to You for a second.
Copy !req
1427. It's me, Jonah Hill.
Copy !req
1428. From Moneyball.
Copy !req
1429. I hate Jay so fucking much.
Copy !req
1430. I think he might be the worst person
You ever created.
Copy !req
1431. I don't want to judge You, but...
Copy !req
1432. What's up? What were You thinking that day?
Copy !req
1433. I love Seth, I love being his friend,
he's an awesome guy,
Copy !req
1434. but it's like Jay is the last connection
to his shitty, weird Canadian life.
Copy !req
1435. Just do me one favor, God.
Copy !req
1436. Just kill Jay.
Copy !req
1437. That'd be so tight.
Copy !req
1438. Stop, man.
Copy !req
1439. Seriously, Craig, stop.
Copy !req
1440. Your nails are sharp.
Copy !req
1441. This is no dream!
Copy !req
1442. This is really happening!
Copy !req
1443. No!
Copy !req
1444. Something not that chill happened last night.
Copy !req
1445. Yo, so, I just drank
my own pee for the first time.
Copy !req
1446. And it ain't bad. I never thought to do it.
Copy !req
1447. I always thought, you know,
pee stink, whatever, but...
Copy !req
1448. I think we all remember how this works.
Copy !req
1449. Whoever gets the burnt match
has to go to one of Franco's
Copy !req
1450. neighbors' houses,
get us some food and some water.
Copy !req
1451. No-ho-ho. No, I'm not going first.
Copy !req
1452. - I'll go first.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
1453. Very mature of you. Thank you.
Copy !req
1454. Yes!
Copy !req
1455. Sorry.
Copy !req
1456. Good job.
Copy !req
1457. You okay, Jonah?
Copy !req
1458. What's that?
Copy !req
1459. You okay?
Copy !req
1460. Yeah. Just bad sleep. Crazy dream.
Copy !req
1461. Here, Jonah.
Copy !req
1462. Jonah.
Copy !req
1463. - Okay.
- Shit.
Copy !req
1464. Craigers, you feeling lucky?
Copy !req
1465. Will history repeat itself?
Copy !req
1466. Thank you.
Copy !req
1467. You got this, dawg.
Copy !req
1468. Seth! No! Not you!
Copy !req
1469. I'm not going.
Copy !req
1470. - What?
- I'm not going.
Copy !req
1471. I'm bowing out. I'm declining to go.
Copy !req
1472. - What?
- Let me break it down for you.
Copy !req
1473. I'm not fucking going.
Copy !req
1474. You are definitely going.
Tell him he's fucking going.
Copy !req
1475. Tell you what, why don't you
fucking go, Mr. Self-Righteous?
Copy !req
1476. You're constantly saying what assholes
we are, how good you are.
Copy !req
1477. You go get us some fuckin' water.
Copy !req
1478. I will go.
Copy !req
1479. Because I have
Copy !req
1480. - something called honor.
- Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Copy !req
1481. That's good. Yeah, you're very honorable.
Copy !req
1482. I'll go with you, Jay.
Copy !req
1483. Really?
Copy !req
1484. Is it because of our pact upstairs?
Copy !req
1485. Nah, 'cause you got them skinny-ass arms.
Copy !req
1486. You couldn't carry enough to feed a hamster.
Copy !req
1487. It's working.
Copy !req
1488. Let's get that money.
Copy !req
1489. Let's do it.
Copy !req
1490. Yo. Out and to the left.
Copy !req
1491. Bye.
Copy !req
1492. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1493. What?
Copy !req
1494. That's so sad.
Copy !req
1495. Innocence lost.
Copy !req
1496. What is that?
Copy !req
1497. Fire.
Copy !req
1498. There's, like, fire everywhere.
Copy !req
1499. Damn it!
Copy !req
1500. Hey, hey!
Copy !req
1501. Fuck, yeah. Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Copy !req
1502. - Hello?
- Shut the fuck up!
Copy !req
1503. - What?
- You yelling that shit for?
Copy !req
1504. - We got to find out...
- Don't yell no more, man.
Copy !req
1505. Crack you in the head with this frying pan.
Copy !req
1506. Okay. So we should probably split up,
cover more ground.
Copy !req
1507. What you think this is, Scooby-Doo?
Copy !req
1508. We're gonna go in there,
we're gonna find the kitchen,
Copy !req
1509. and get as much shit as we can, together!
Copy !req
1510. Then we're getting the fuck out of here.
Copy !req
1511. - All right, all right.
- All right?
Copy !req
1512. Hey.
Copy !req
1513. What are you doing?
Copy !req
1514. That should be me out there.
I totally fucked those guys.
Copy !req
1515. Fuck was that?
Copy !req
1516. - Oh, fuck!
- Is he okay?
Copy !req
1517. Dude! Jonah!
Copy !req
1518. What the fuck? What do we do?
Copy !req
1519. - Do you know first aid or anything?
- No.
Copy !req
1520. - Jonah!
- I suck at first aid.
Copy !req
1521. - Are you okay? Shit!
- Jonah?
Copy !req
1522. Oh, no. Low blood sugar. LBS.
Copy !req
1523. - LBS!
- He's having an LBS episode!
Copy !req
1524. - I'll get the Milky Way!
- You get the Milky Way!
Copy !req
1525. Jay.
Copy !req
1526. Jonah, stay with me! Stay with me.
Copy !req
1527. I got it, I got it, I got it, got it,
open his mouth.
Copy !req
1528. - It's your friend, Seth.
- Open his mouth.
Copy !req
1529. Open his mouth. Open his mouth.
I'll get this in there.
Copy !req
1530. - Okay, okay.
- Shove it right in there.
Copy !req
1531. Jonah. Milky Way, Jonah.
Copy !req
1532. - You love the Milky Way.
- Yummy, yum.
Copy !req
1533. It's not fucking working, man!
Copy !req
1534. - What the fuck!
- How do we get it in there?
Copy !req
1535. Chew it up, chew it up and spit
in his mouth like a baby bird.
Copy !req
1536. - You just swallowed it, man.
- It's so good.
Copy !req
1537. Give me a bite.
Copy !req
1538. The second it hits your mouth is,
like, amazing.
Copy !req
1539. - Okay.
- Open it.
Copy !req
1540. What the fuck was that?
Copy !req
1541. - That's Hebrew.
- That's not Hebrew.
Copy !req
1542. It's fuckin' Latin or something like that.
Copy !req
1543. I went to Hebrew school for six years.
That's not Hebrew.
Copy !req
1544. You will drown in a river of blood.
Copy !req
1545. The End of Days is here.
Copy !req
1546. You will quiver
in the shadow of Kingdom Come.
Copy !req
1547. Judgment Day is upon you.
Copy !req
1548. The Apocalypse is nigh!
Copy !req
1549. Hey, I think that's all it could fit.
Copy !req
1550. Man, let's take this back to Franco's,
get the fuck out of here.
Copy !req
1551. What are we going back for?
Copy !req
1552. What are you talking about?
Copy !req
1553. In theory, we could just fuckin' stay here.
Copy !req
1554. And here, you don't have to sleep
in a friggin' tent under a dick.
Copy !req
1555. - I like my dick tent.
- I'm just saying,
Copy !req
1556. we could build a life here together, Craig.
I'd be really good to you.
Copy !req
1557. All I know is I'm scared as hell,
and I just want to get back to our friends.
Copy !req
1558. Yeah, but they're not my friends.
Copy !req
1559. Seth is your friend.
Copy !req
1560. We've been growing apart for years.
Copy !req
1561. That's why I didn't stay
with him last time I was here.
Copy !req
1562. And I stayed with him
this time to try and salvage it,
Copy !req
1563. but clearly that didn't work out.
Copy !req
1564. Jay, like it or not,
Copy !req
1565. those assholes are all we got.
Copy !req
1566. - Did you hear that?
- Yeah, that was a creak.
Copy !req
1567. What is that?
Copy !req
1568. What is that? Is that bile?
Copy !req
1569. I don't know. It's cold.
Copy !req
1570. Sniff it.
Copy !req
1571. No. You sniff it.
Copy !req
1572. - What?
- It smells like puke.
Copy !req
1573. Don't get it on me!
Copy !req
1574. - It's in my eyes!
- Dude!
Copy !req
1575. - It's in my mouth!
- He's gone!
Copy !req
1576. - Where is he?
- He's fucking gone!
Copy !req
1577. Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Copy !req
1578. Please, God! Jesus, Jesus!
Copy !req
1579. Fuck.
Copy !req
1580. - Jonah!
- Jonah!
Copy !req
1581. Jonah, stop this!
Copy !req
1582. - Please!
- Jonah, where the fuck are you?
Copy !req
1583. Why did you vomit on us!
Copy !req
1584. Bad Jonah! Stop!
Copy !req
1585. Stop eating him!
Copy !req
1586. Watch out! He's super strong!
Copy !req
1587. Shit!
Copy !req
1588. What is happen...
Copy !req
1589. Oh, no!
Copy !req
1590. I'm gonna tittie-fuck you, Seth.
Copy !req
1591. Don't tittie-fuck me!
Copy !req
1592. What are they, big B's or small C's?
Copy !req
1593. I'm gonna push your titties together.
Copy !req
1594. Push 'em together!
Copy !req
1595. I'll get you something to help!
Copy !req
1596. - I'll pass you something!
- Okay, pass it to me.
Copy !req
1597. Fuck! Shit!
Copy !req
1598. Seth!
Copy !req
1599. We're getting crazy!
Copy !req
1600. Come on! Come on!
Copy !req
1601. Jesus, open, God damn you, open!
Copy !req
1602. No, no, no, no.
Copy !req
1603. Jesus...
Copy !req
1604. Oh, fuck.
Copy !req
1605. - We gotta hide. We gotta hide.
- I know!
Copy !req
1606. - He's coming! He's coming!
- I know he's coming!
Copy !req
1607. I don't know what the fuck to do!
Copy !req
1608. I don't know...
Copy !req
1609. Where are you going?
Copy !req
1610. Shit.
Copy !req
1611. - Please go away.
- He's sniffing.
Copy !req
1612. I'm so scared, James.
Copy !req
1613. Be quiet.
Copy !req
1614. - You're breathing really loud.
- Am I?
Copy !req
1615. - Don't breathe through your mouth.
- Okay.
Copy !req
1616. - Now you're doing loud nose breathing.
- Am I?
Copy !req
1617. I don't know where else to breathe from.
Copy !req
1618. - Is that...
- Seth.
Copy !req
1619. Oh, shit. Don't move.
Copy !req
1620. Shit, he's coming right this way. Oh, shit.
Copy !req
1621. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Copy !req
1622. Get out of my way! Move! Move!
Copy !req
1623. Fuck!
Copy !req
1624. You okay?
Copy !req
1625. Come on!
Copy !req
1626. - Let's go. Let's go.
- Okay. Okay. Okay.
Copy !req
1627. What the fuck! What are you doing?
Copy !req
1628. - What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
Copy !req
1629. There's a fuckin' demon chasing us!
Copy !req
1630. - A demon?
- Demon?
Copy !req
1631. - What the fuck happened to you guys?
- That!
Copy !req
1632. - It's Jonah!
- He's possessed!
Copy !req
1633. He's crazy!
Copy !req
1634. Oh, fuck! You brained him.
Copy !req
1635. Is that... I was supposed to do that, right?
Copy !req
1636. Yeah.
Copy !req
1637. Motherfucker.
Copy !req
1638. - Fasten!
- Hurry!
Copy !req
1639. - Fasten, God damn you, bastard!
- He's gonna be fuckin'
Copy !req
1640. bad news when he wakes up!
Copy !req
1641. He's fuckin' strong.
Copy !req
1642. - My side's good.
- Oh, shit!
Copy !req
1643. All right, I'll fuckin' hit him.
Copy !req
1644. - Fuck! Come on, come on!
- Okay!
Copy !req
1645. This shit's cray cray, guys.
Copy !req
1646. I mean, it's, like, the real, like Apocalypse.
Copy !req
1647. It's, like, the Book of Revelations,
like that means there's a God.
Copy !req
1648. Right?
Copy !req
1649. I haven't led my life as though there's a God
this whole time.
Copy !req
1650. Who fuckin' saw that coming?
That there's actually a God?
Copy !req
1651. I'd say 95% of the planet.
Copy !req
1652. Jesus fucking Christ, man.
Copy !req
1653. You might want to stay away
from saying that.
Copy !req
1654. "Jesus fucking Christ"? Why?
Copy !req
1655. - Why can't I say that?
- One of the Ten Commandments.
Copy !req
1656. "Thou shall not take
the name of the Lord thy God in vain."
Copy !req
1657. Jesus isn't the name of the Lord.
Copy !req
1658. God is name of the Lord.
Copy !req
1659. Jesus, God, it's all the same.
Copy !req
1660. - It's the Trinity.
- Father, Son, Holy Ghost.
Copy !req
1661. It's like Neapolitan ice cream.
Copy !req
1662. I don't even know what
the fucking Commandments are.
Copy !req
1663. Guys, I think this is sort of bullshit,
because we're all good people.
Copy !req
1664. I can look at each one of you in the eye,
I know you're good.
Copy !req
1665. - I'm good.
- We're four actors.
Copy !req
1666. We bring joy to people's lives.
Copy !req
1667. Yeah, but we don't do it for free.
Copy !req
1668. We get paid handsomely,
much higher than the average profession.
Copy !req
1669. It's not like it was just handed to any of us.
We've worked really hard to be here.
Copy !req
1670. Yeah, pretend like it's hot when it's cold.
Copy !req
1671. You sitting on the beach, it's freezing,
Copy !req
1672. you in your drawers, talking about
something, everybody's surfing.
Copy !req
1673. I think God might have just fucked up,
Copy !req
1674. made a mistake,
and left us behind by accident.
Copy !req
1675. I mean, He's got a lot of shit on His plate.
Copy !req
1676. It's not an oversight, it's not a mistake, okay?
Copy !req
1677. We got to face facts. We're here,
and there's a reason we're all here.
Copy !req
1678. Why are you so sure?
Copy !req
1679. I've done things, man. I...
Copy !req
1680. I gouged a man's eyeballs out.
Copy !req
1681. - What the...
- Fuck off.
Copy !req
1682. - Craig.
- Well, I was a kid, man.
Copy !req
1683. It was a fuckin' bar fight.
Copy !req
1684. It was a bad foosball game.
Copy !req
1685. He said I didn't call spinneys,
and I fuckin' called spinneys.
Copy !req
1686. He got all in my face,
and I smashed a bottle across his face,
Copy !req
1687. and the first eyeball was an accident,
Copy !req
1688. but then I was, like, fuck it,
and I went for the second one.
Copy !req
1689. It was fucked up. But you know what?
Copy !req
1690. That shit happens. I'm saying, that's...
I think that's why I'm here.
Copy !req
1691. I got to admit something.
Copy !req
1692. I...
Copy !req
1693. I fucked Lindsay Lohan.
Copy !req
1694. She was fucked up. She was high.
Copy !req
1695. It was at the Chateau Marmont,
and she kept banging on my door.
Copy !req
1696. She kept calling me Jake Gyllenhaal.
Copy !req
1697. That's fucked up.
Copy !req
1698. Yeah, I said, "Call me the Prince of Persia."
Copy !req
1699. See, that's what I'm saying, man.
We've all done bad shit, you know?
Copy !req
1700. We've done more bad shit
than good in our lives, and
Copy !req
1701. it's time to pay the piper.
Copy !req
1702. Whoa, shit!
Copy !req
1703. Something's wrong.
Copy !req
1704. God did this.
Copy !req
1705. He gave us light, and then He took it away.
Copy !req
1706. You hear that?
Copy !req
1707. It's the soundtrack of us going insane.
Copy !req
1708. Damn, I wish there was something
we could do to help him.
Copy !req
1709. I know what we can do.
Copy !req
1710. The fuckin' stench.
Copy !req
1711. Jonah Hill?
Copy !req
1712. Jonah?
Copy !req
1713. Jonah Hill.
Copy !req
1714. Jonah Hill is no more.
Copy !req
1715. Demon?
Copy !req
1716. Yes?
Copy !req
1717. Fuck. That's not good.
Copy !req
1718. That's not good.
Copy !req
1719. Jay, you fool.
Copy !req
1720. I say unto thee,
Copy !req
1721. the power of Christ compels you!
Copy !req
1722. Does it? Does it compel me?
Copy !req
1723. The power of Christ compels you!
Copy !req
1724. - Does it, Jay?
- The power of Christ compels you!
Copy !req
1725. Is the power of Christ compelling me?
Is that what's happening?
Copy !req
1726. The power of Christ compels you!
Copy !req
1727. Guess what? It's not that compelling.
Copy !req
1728. Jay, you serious right now?
Copy !req
1729. That's your fuckin' plan?
You're gonna repeat lines from The Exorcist?
Copy !req
1730. I would assume
they did their fuckin' research.
Copy !req
1731. - It's a movie!
- It's a manual.
Copy !req
1732. It's a fuckin' training manual.
Copy !req
1733. I say unto thee,
Copy !req
1734. the power of Christ compels you!
Copy !req
1735. The power of Christ compels you!
Copy !req
1736. Geez, it hurts a little bit.
It's, like, this little sting.
Copy !req
1737. The power of Christ compels you!
Copy !req
1738. - Seriously, fuck off.
- The power of Christ compels you!
Copy !req
1739. Jay?
Copy !req
1740. - The power of Christ compels you!
- Holy shit!
Copy !req
1741. - You're pissing him off, man.
- Just stop it!
Copy !req
1742. - Jay!
- The power of Christ compels you!
Copy !req
1743. - The power of...
- Get the fuck down!
Copy !req
1744. - Don't fucking push me, asshole!
- Geez, man!
Copy !req
1745. - Easy!
- Fuck you!
Copy !req
1746. - You're a fucking asshole, you liar!
- Still?
Copy !req
1747. - Yes. Still? Yes.
- Guys, guys, we got a possessed guy here!
Copy !req
1748. Do we have to argue about this right now?
Copy !req
1749. - Let 'em fight.
- We got an exorcism to finish. Hello?
Copy !req
1750. Do you want to know
why I didn't stay with you?
Copy !req
1751. - Yeah.
- You fuckin' changed.
Copy !req
1752. You're a fuckin' sell-out.
Copy !req
1753. You did fuckin' sell out. Everyone says.
Copy !req
1754. At least I did change! You act like
you're fucking 18 years old still, Jay!
Copy !req
1755. Grow up, Jay. That's why he's yelling at you.
Copy !req
1756. You've been holding me back
this whole time!
Copy !req
1757. That means fuck you.
Copy !req
1758. Come on, guys! Come on!
Copy !req
1759. Fuck you, you piece of shit!
Copy !req
1760. Everybody, out!
Copy !req
1761. Craig, stop 'em!
Copy !req
1762. - Get apart!
- Now it's on.
Copy !req
1763. Yo! What the fuck is all this, Franco?
Copy !req
1764. Looks like food. How'd that get there?
Copy !req
1765. What? You have more food?
Copy !req
1766. You knew he had extra food?
Copy !req
1767. Yeah, he gave me one cracker.
Copy !req
1768. I would have sucked a dick for half a cracker.
Copy !req
1769. All right, well, maybe I didn't want you
to suck my dick, all right?
Copy !req
1770. - Look...
- I didn't want to suck it!
Copy !req
1771. - That's the point of what I said!
- It was my fucking food!
Copy !req
1772. - Guys, guys, guys, fire!
- Boys, boys, boys...
Copy !req
1773. - Shit!
- Jonah's on fire!
Copy !req
1774. Put it out!
Copy !req
1775. Use your mouth! Put it out!
Copy !req
1776. Go, go, go, go, go!
Copy !req
1777. - Where is he? Where is he?
- Where is he?
Copy !req
1778. Go, go, go!
Copy !req
1779. Go, go, go, go, go!
Copy !req
1780. Go, get outside!
Copy !req
1781. - Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
- Go, go on!
Copy !req
1782. Come on, hurry up, he's coming!
Copy !req
1783. He's coming!
Copy !req
1784. Watch out, watch out!
Copy !req
1785. Oh, my fortress!
Copy !req
1786. Boys, I just want to point out,
Copy !req
1787. we're out in the open now.
Copy !req
1788. - Oh, fuck.
- Shit, shit, shit.
Copy !req
1789. - Oh, shit.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Copy !req
1790. - My Prius.
- Yeah!
Copy !req
1791. - Yeah!
- Yes!
Copy !req
1792. What is that?
Copy !req
1793. No fucking way.
Copy !req
1794. We're screwed!
Copy !req
1795. We're totally screwed, guys.
Copy !req
1796. I got this.
Copy !req
1797. - What?
- I'll distract the thing.
Copy !req
1798. I'll run over there screaming and shit,
Copy !req
1799. and that should give you enough time
to get to the garage.
Copy !req
1800. Well, yeah, but that thing can kill you.
Copy !req
1801. Maybe I deserve it.
I've been shitty my whole life.
Copy !req
1802. Being selfish, only doing shit for me.
Copy !req
1803. Maybe it's only right that the last thing I do
Copy !req
1804. on this planet isn't for me.
Copy !req
1805. It's for you guys.
Copy !req
1806. Craig, you don't have to do that.
Copy !req
1807. Thank you very much, Craig.
Copy !req
1808. - I appreciate that.
- You spineless...
Copy !req
1809. I love you guys.
Copy !req
1810. You're my best friends.
Copy !req
1811. You're a real mensch, Craig.
Copy !req
1812. See you on the other side.
Copy !req
1813. Hey, hey, asshole! Hey, come on!
Copy !req
1814. Pickle dick, demonic-looking motherfucker.
Copy !req
1815. Nobody's scared of you. You ain't a raccoon!
Copy !req
1816. Yeah, bring your ass, bitch!
Copy !req
1817. Nobody's scared of you!
I'm Craig fucking Robinson!
Copy !req
1818. Yeah.
Copy !req
1819. - What's he gonna do?
- Craig.
Copy !req
1820. I hope you like big dick, motherfucker,
'cause I'm about to fuck you raw!
Copy !req
1821. For the last goddamn time!
Copy !req
1822. Take your panties off!
Copy !req
1823. Fuck, yeah!
Copy !req
1824. It worked.
Copy !req
1825. What's happening?
Copy !req
1826. Craig! Craig!
Copy !req
1827. Holy shit, do you guys
realize what this means?
Copy !req
1828. That Craig was an angel this whole time?
Copy !req
1829. - No, no, it means we can still be saved.
- No, no.
Copy !req
1830. I don't fucking get it,
why does Craig get saved? I mean...
Copy !req
1831. Craig sacrificed himself for us,
which means that there's still hope.
Copy !req
1832. - That means we can be redeemed.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1833. It means that if we're
actually nice to each other,
Copy !req
1834. we can get sucked up into Heaven, too.
That's the deal.
Copy !req
1835. All right, I got it, let's just head out
Copy !req
1836. - to my place in Malibu.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1837. Just survive long enough
until we do enough good things
Copy !req
1838. and they accumulate
or do enough sacrifices,
Copy !req
1839. and we'll all go to Heaven together.
Copy !req
1840. That's a great idea, James.
Copy !req
1841. Seriously, really, really good idea.
Copy !req
1842. Really, you're such a smart guy.
Copy !req
1843. Thanks, Seth, you're such a nice guy.
Copy !req
1844. You got a great smile.
Copy !req
1845. - Thanks, man.
- And an awesome laugh.
Copy !req
1846. - I've heard it's annoying.
- How about that Jay back there, man?
Copy !req
1847. - Dude, Jay, you kidding me? Come on.
- Come on.
Copy !req
1848. - One of a kind.
- Get out of here.
Copy !req
1849. You got a cool body. You can walk around
with your shirt off anytime.
Copy !req
1850. It's not working, this isn't working.
Copy !req
1851. What, you thought we would be
Raptured already?
Copy !req
1852. I thought it would happen already.
Copy !req
1853. No, we've just been talking nice.
Copy !req
1854. Talking nice doesn't get you into Heaven.
Copy !req
1855. Doesn't hurt to smile...
Copy !req
1856. What the fuck?
Copy !req
1857. You guys okay?
Copy !req
1858. - Oh, shit.
- Christ.
Copy !req
1859. - Franco!
- Come on!
Copy !req
1860. Yo, cut his fucking head off!
Copy !req
1861. What's going on?
Copy !req
1862. No!
Copy !req
1863. - Stop!
- No!
Copy !req
1864. - Danny?
- What the fuck?
Copy !req
1865. - You guys are still alive?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1866. Holy shit, I didn't expect that.
Copy !req
1867. Fuck out here.
Copy !req
1868. Get...
Copy !req
1869. - Shit, I can't believe you guys are here.
- Oh, Jesus.
Copy !req
1870. That's fucking crazy,
and your timing couldn't be more perfect.
Copy !req
1871. It's been a long time
since any of us have eaten,
Copy !req
1872. and you three gentlemen look delicious.
Copy !req
1873. - What does that have to do with us?
- The fuck are you talking about?
Copy !req
1874. I'm a cannibal, hombre.
Copy !req
1875. We're gonna fucking eat your ass.
Copy !req
1876. Fuck you, you can't eat us. Fuck that, man.
Copy !req
1877. I do whatever the fuck I want, when I want.
Copy !req
1878. I butt-fucked this dude.
Copy !req
1879. See that?
Copy !req
1880. I fucking slide right in that shit.
Copy !req
1881. I do whatever I want. This is my gimp.
Copy !req
1882. Channing, introduce yourself.
Copy !req
1883. Hey, what's up, guys?
Copy !req
1884. Y'all cool?
Copy !req
1885. That's Channing Tatum.
Copy !req
1886. That's Channing Tatum, dude.
What the fuck?
Copy !req
1887. Channing fucking Tatum.
I found him wandering on the freeway.
Copy !req
1888. I collected him, made him my bitch.
Get off my dick.
Copy !req
1889. I call him Channing Tate-yum.
Copy !req
1890. - Hard-core, man.
- I got him trained good.
Copy !req
1891. Watch, he does tricks. Wait, shake hands.
Copy !req
1892. - All right, Seth.
- Fucking roll over.
Copy !req
1893. - I'm gonna create a diversion.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1894. - You and Jay make a run for it.
- What?
Copy !req
1895. Danny's gonna eat you.
Copy !req
1896. Listen, full-on sacrifice for you, dawg,
Copy !req
1897. - like the ending to Pineapple 2.
- Yeah, lick that.
Copy !req
1898. - That's Channing fucking Tatum, dawg.
- I love him.
Copy !req
1899. That's fucking G.I. Joe, dude.
Fucking loves me.
Copy !req
1900. Danny! We're friends! You can't eat us!
Copy !req
1901. I'd love to catch up,
but we're fucking starving, so let's eat!
Copy !req
1902. Fuck you!
Copy !req
1903. Run!
Copy !req
1904. Eat this!
Copy !req
1905. Shit, fuck! Get him!
Copy !req
1906. - Who wants it, you piece of shit?
- Man, we should go back.
Copy !req
1907. - We should go back and help him.
- We should go back.
Copy !req
1908. Fucking Rapture.
Copy !req
1909. - Holy shit!
- It worked!
Copy !req
1910. What the fuck?
Copy !req
1911. Go to hell, McBride!
Copy !req
1912. Fuck you!
Copy !req
1913. Suck my dick!
Copy !req
1914. - Oh, shit.
- What happened?
Copy !req
1915. What did I do? Take me back!
Copy !req
1916. - What did I do?
- I'll tell you what happened, Franco.
Copy !req
1917. You don't get to get sucked up into Heaven
'cause you were being petty. Tom Petty.
Copy !req
1918. You may not have invited me to your party,
Copy !req
1919. - but you're the guest of honor at mine.
- What?
Copy !req
1920. How fucking crazy is this?
Copy !req
1921. Seth, Jay!
Copy !req
1922. Oh, shit, they're running after us.
Copy !req
1923. Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Run.
Copy !req
1924. Bring them to me!
Copy !req
1925. - Fuck.
- Get 'em!
Copy !req
1926. Got to get Rogen.
Copy !req
1927. Over here.
Copy !req
1928. - What? Over here, over here.
- Here. What?
Copy !req
1929. Shit, shit.
Copy !req
1930. They're around here somewhere.
Copy !req
1931. They kept running, you fucking idiots.
Copy !req
1932. Shit, are they still there?
Copy !req
1933. - I think they're gone.
- Are they gone?
Copy !req
1934. - Oh, my God.
- Why did Franco flip off Danny?
Copy !req
1935. Why did he have to do that, man?
Copy !req
1936. - He was in the clear.
- That is textbook.
Copy !req
1937. Vanity or...
Copy !req
1938. - Is it vanity?
- Vanity or envy.
Copy !req
1939. Is it envy or wrath?
Copy !req
1940. - It's any of them, man.
- You can't do that.
Copy !req
1941. It's being a sore winner, is what it is,
Copy !req
1942. - more than anything.
- That's exactly what it is.
Copy !req
1943. - You can't be a sore winner.
- No.
Copy !req
1944. Well, this is another fine mess
we found ourselves in.
Copy !req
1945. Fuck.
Copy !req
1946. Listen, Jay...
Copy !req
1947. Oh, shit.
Copy !req
1948. Get out of here, let's get out of here.
Copy !req
1949. You've got to be fucking shitting me!
Copy !req
1950. - Oh, my God.
- Oh, no.
Copy !req
1951. - That thing's big.
- Holy shit.
Copy !req
1952. It's so big.
Copy !req
1953. Oh, man. Oh, Jesus.
Copy !req
1954. - We're gonna die, man.
- Okay.
Copy !req
1955. Okay, we're gonna die.
Copy !req
1956. - Jesus!
- Oh, no!
Copy !req
1957. - Shit.
- Listen to me, man.
Copy !req
1958. I'm a fucking idiot. I put myself up.
Copy !req
1959. I'm self-righteous.
Copy !req
1960. - I think I'm better than you.
- No, no.
Copy !req
1961. I was resistant to change.
Copy !req
1962. - No.
- I should have grown with you.
Copy !req
1963. I should have changed with you.
We should have changed together.
Copy !req
1964. I didn't like what I became
so I hated what you became.
Copy !req
1965. It's fine, man. It's fine.
Copy !req
1966. - I love you, Seth, fucking love you, buddy.
- I love you, man.
Copy !req
1967. - I always loved you.
- Let's die together, man.
Copy !req
1968. - Let's die together.
- I love you, Jay.
Copy !req
1969. - Holy shit, Jay, all right!
- Yeah, we did it!
Copy !req
1970. I'm not getting sucked up into Heaven!
Copy !req
1971. What do you mean? Why not?
Copy !req
1972. I don't know why not!
Copy !req
1973. Take my hand!
Copy !req
1974. Okay, take me with you, Jay!
Copy !req
1975. I'll take you with me.
Copy !req
1976. Yeah!
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1977. - Yeah!
- It's working!
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1978. Yeah!
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1979. Oh, no! He sees us!
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1980. He can't touch us!
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1981. We're in a force field!
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1982. Oh, shit! Shit!
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1983. It's not gonna take me with you!
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1984. We're going down!
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1985. Keep holding on
and you'll get pulled up, too!
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1986. It's not! No, I won't, man!
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1987. I don't deserve to.
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1988. Fuck.
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1989. I'm gonna let go, Jay.
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1990. You'll die!
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1991. I know, but you won't.
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1992. No!
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1993. I don't deserve to go to Heaven, but you do.
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1994. You do, okay?
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1995. We're both gonna die if I don't let go.
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1996. I'm not gonna hold you back anymore.
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1997. No!
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1998. Yeah!
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1999. Come, hold my hand, buddy!
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2000. Hold my hand!
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2001. - Yeah!
- You did it!
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2002. - You did it!
- Yeah!
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2003. You did it!
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2004. Yeah!
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2005. We're flying!
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2006. - Look!
- What?
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2007. Wow.
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2008. Welcome to Heaven, motherfuckers.
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2009. Craig!
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2010. - Yay!
- Yeah!
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2011. - Craig.
- Oh, my...
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2012. - What?
- This is awesome.
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2013. - Are you an angel?
- Yes, sir.
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2014. - That's so cool, man.
- That is so cool.
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2015. Congratulations, dude.
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2016. Fellas.
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2017. - Yeah.
- Yes.
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2018. Dude, you got one.
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2019. - What?
- That's so cool.
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2020. - Do I have one?
- Do I have one?
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2021. - I can't see it.
- Do I have...
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2022. - Wait.
- Let's touch 'em.
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2023. - Dude, this is so...
- Wow.
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2024. - What do we do now?
- Yeah.
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2025. Come this way.
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2026. Right? Do you love it? Do you love it?
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2027. Whoa, they got weed in Heaven?
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2028. - What?
- You tell me.
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2029. What?
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2030. Holy shit! That's awesome!
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2031. Wow.
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2032. That's insane, man.
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2033. No, no, no, no, no, no.
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2034. That's Heaven.
Anything you could think of is yours.
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2035. Whoa!
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2036. Holy shit, this is awesome.
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2037. Segway!
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2038. I've always wanted to ride
one of these things.
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2039. Go ahead, Jay, make a wish.
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2040. Anything you could think of.
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2041. Anything?
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2042. What?
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2043. No fucking way.
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