1. New York City, the world capital
of culture and industry.Copy !req
2. Here, among the
towering skyscrapers,Copy !req
3. civilization is guided by men of
progress and the wonders of technology.Copy !req
4. But for all this industrial
advancement, there is a price to pay.Copy !req
5. Pollution. The unavoidable
byproduct of today's society.Copy !req
6. Every year, millions of
gallons of poisonous wastes,Copy !req
7. garbage, and radioactive chemicals
are disposed of in nearby townsCopy !req
8. such as Tromaville, the toxic waste
dumping capital of the world.Copy !req
9. Our story takes place at
the Tromaville Health ClubCopy !req
10. where a young man named
Melvin Furd works.Copy !req
11. Melvin's entire life, in factCopy !req
12. entire being was changed
by toxic chemical waste.Copy !req
13. Would you take a look
at that fucking guy?Copy !req
14. Dumb mop boy can't even mop right.Copy !req
15. He's so stupid!Copy !req
16. He's always got that
shit-eating grin on his face.Copy !req
17. What's he so happy about?Copy !req
18. I hate that mop boy.Copy !req
19. I think that creep
is coming over here.Copy !req
20. Julie, you smell something?Copy !req
21. Ew! P-U! What's that stink?Copy !req
22. Gee, that's funny.
I don't smell nothing.Copy !req
23. Melvin, clean up the toilet,
it stinks over here!Copy !req
24. OK. I'll be right there!Copy !req
25. Look what you did,
you fucking asshole!Copy !req
26. Yeah, you fucking asshole!Copy !req
27. - Hey, what are you, retarded?
- Huh? Retarded?Copy !req
28. I'm sorry!Copy !req
29. Sorry, huh?Copy !req
30. You want me to go and
get a fucking disease!Copy !req
31. Yeah, you want her to go
and get a fucking disease?Copy !req
32. I didn't mean it!Copy !req
33. Aw, I didn't mean it.Copy !req
34. Next time you fuck with me, I'm gonna take
this mop and shove it down your throat.Copy !req
35. He is stressing me, Julie!Copy !req
36. He is stressing me!Copy !req
37. Oh, Bozo...Copy !req
38. I can't take it. I cannot take it Julie.
He is screwing up my karma!Copy !req
39. See what you did, you idiot?
See what you did!Copy !req
40. You've stressed Bozo!Copy !req
41. I'm sorry, Julie. I didn't mean to do it.
He was sitting there and I...Copy !req
42. Ah! How dare you talk
to me, you twerp!Copy !req
43. Keep it up, Bozo. Keep it up.Copy !req
44. But remember,Copy !req
45. there is only one muscle
you gotta worry about.Copy !req
46. Hey, you know. I think you ought
to work a little bit on your gut.Copy !req
47. You're getting a little
bit flabby there.Copy !req
48. Where! What are you talking about?Copy !req
49. I don't got no fat! There's no
fat here. I don't got no f...Copy !req
50. Fat! Fat!Copy !req
51. Slug, are you sure
no one will come in?Copy !req
52. I paid Tony 15 bucks.Copy !req
53. He said the place is ours
until tomorrow morning.Copy !req
54. Relax. You want a drink?Copy !req
55. - Yeah.
- Alright.Copy !req
56. Slug, can I come again next
time you and Bozo go driving?Copy !req
57. If you want to, bad enough.Copy !req
58. I love it when we go real fast.Copy !req
59. And they never know what hit 'em.Copy !req
60. They never believe we're
going to run 'em down.Copy !req
61. We keep getting closer and closer.Copy !req
62. And faster and faster.Copy !req
63. They're just standing
there and yeah.Copy !req
64. We hit them!Copy !req
65. I love the sound of breaking bones!Copy !req
66. The car driving over them,
dragging their bodies.Copy !req
67. All that beautiful blood!Copy !req
68. Slug!Copy !req
69. I want you, now.Copy !req
70. Oh, Slug!Copy !req
71. Oh, Slug!Copy !req
72. Give it to me! Give it to me!
More! More!Copy !req
73. Get out of here, you pervert!Copy !req
74. Or I'll kill ya!Copy !req
75. Julie. Julie, the points.
The rules, what are they?Copy !req
76. Let me see if I can
remember the whole list.Copy !req
77. Now, jews, whops,
niggers and chinks,Copy !req
78. they're all worth
twenty-five points.Copy !req
79. But Puerto Ricans, they're
worth thirty points.Copy !req
80. Now kids under twelve they're
worth double points.Copy !req
81. Skippy, don't forget your helmet.Copy !req
82. OK, sis.Copy !req
83. And be careful out there.Copy !req
84. Julie, does it count
if I graze them?Copy !req
85. You got to destroy them!
Bozo, I want them dead.Copy !req
86. Now we're gonna get 'em.Copy !req
87. Come on. Come on! Come on!Copy !req
88. Where the fuck is everybody?
Where the fuck is everybody?Copy !req
89. How much is a kid on a bicycle?Copy !req
90. Where?Copy !req
91. Twenty-eight points if you get
both the kid and the bike?Copy !req
92. Let's take a closer look.Copy !req
93. Oh, he a cute little boy, isn't he?Copy !req
94. Out pretty late, aren't you, honey?Copy !req
95. The coast is clear, Bozo.Copy !req
96. We got him!Copy !req
97. We're gonna kill him!
We're gonna get him!Copy !req
98. Now you get full points!Copy !req
99. No way! The kid's still moving!Copy !req
100. We're not finished yet!Copy !req
101. He's still moving, no way
you get full points.Copy !req
102. No way, huh? No way?
I'll fucking show you no way.Copy !req
103. Give me that! Gibe me that!Copy !req
104. Full points, my man!Copy !req
105. Look at him! Wow, oh my God!Copy !req
106. These are gonna be the best
shots we've ever taken.Copy !req
107. Yeah, this is fun!Copy !req
108. These are great!Copy !req
109. Show me your pretty pictures!Copy !req
110. That was good! That was good!Copy !req
111. I want to do it again!
I want to do it again!Copy !req
112. - Yeah, let's do it again!
- Yeah, let's go for it again!Copy !req
113. No, no I can't.
I've got to go home.Copy !req
114. What?Copy !req
115. Well, I got to get up
early in the morning.Copy !req
116. Got to go to church.Copy !req
117. Oh!Copy !req
118. And up! Up! Up! Up!Copy !req
119. Now kick! Out! Out! Out!Copy !req
120. Now arms up! Stop. Stop.Copy !req
121. That's really pitiful.
Just stop. Just stop a second.Copy !req
122. Look how many times do
I have to tell you people?Copy !req
123. Do exactly what I do.Copy !req
124. If I kick my right foot,
you kick your right foot.Copy !req
125. If I kick my left foot,
you kick your left foot.Copy !req
126. Okay? Whatever I do, you
do exactly the same thing.Copy !req
127. Okay? Now how about we start again?
You're gonna do exactly what I'm doing.Copy !req
128. Okay guys, you know
what I'm talking about?Copy !req
129. Let's go, let's do it this time. Okay! Let's
get the music! 5, 6, 7, and hey, hey...Copy !req
130. Watch what I'm doing here.
Watch how I hit this ball.Copy !req
131. Are you watching me!
Are you watching me!Copy !req
132. I'm going to kill it! I'm going
to kill it! I'm going to kill it!Copy !req
133. Aah! I'm gonna kick
that freak's mouth in!Copy !req
134. Bozo, it's okay. It's okay.
Hey, guys, come here.Copy !req
135. Have I got a plan to fix
that mop boys wagon.Copy !req
136. Great! What is it?Copy !req
137. Well...Copy !req
138. Hi, Melvin.Copy !req
139. Whoa!Copy !req
140. Melvin. Melvin, it's okay.
It's okay.Copy !req
141. Hey, I just came to apologize. Yes,
I didn't mean to be so nasty yesterday.Copy !req
142. Oh, that's okay, Julie.
I didn't really mind.Copy !req
143. In fact, I was hoping
you could help me,Copy !req
144. with a little problem.
I've been having.Copy !req
145. - Who, me?
- Yes but...Copy !req
146. I can't talk about here with
all these people around.Copy !req
147. Hey, I got a great idea.Copy !req
148. Why don't you meet me in
the girls locker room?Copy !req
149. Girls' locker room?Copy !req
150. Yes. Then we can discuss it alone.Copy !req
151. Oh, oh!Copy !req
152. Okay.Copy !req
153. Great! Let's say 7 o'clock.Copy !req
154. Okay. That'll be good for me, too,
'cause I gotta to clean the toiletsCopy !req
155. in there around that time anyway.Copy !req
156. Good. It's a date. See you then.Copy !req
157. Okay.Copy !req
158. 490... 491... 492...Copy !req
159. 493... 494... 495...Copy !req
160. Hi, guys. Well, Melvin fell
for it. Hook line and sinker.Copy !req
161. Great!Copy !req
162. We've been driving
for two whole hours.Copy !req
163. Let's pull this rig
over and take a break.Copy !req
164. Hey, the boss'll have our asses.Copy !req
165. You know he don't want us
to stop in habitated areasCopy !req
166. with this radioactive chemical
waste we got on the back.Copy !req
167. It's dangerous. It's like that
cancerogenic stuff, you know.Copy !req
168. Hey Joey, you remember that dope
we were snorting last week?Copy !req
169. - Do I?
- Well, buddy boy. Check this out.Copy !req
170. Holy shit! Why didn't you say so.Copy !req
171. Let's pull it over!Copy !req
172. Julie.Copy !req
173. - Hi, Melvin.
- Hi, Julie.Copy !req
174. Come in, don't be shy.Copy !req
175. So, what was it that you
wanted me to help you with?Copy !req
176. - Well, it's about Bozo.
- Bozo?Copy !req
177. Yeah, you see, I'm so sick
of the way he goes aroundCopy !req
178. pushing people around all the time.Copy !req
179. He's so immature.Copy !req
180. In fact, I don't like to
go out with him anymore.Copy !req
181. But I don't know quite
how to tell him.Copy !req
182. In fact, Melvin,
I think you're handsome,Copy !req
183. and sensitive and kind.Copy !req
184. Oh, Melvin, I find
you irresistible.Copy !req
185. - Me?
- Yes.Copy !req
186. Melvin, I want to do it with you.Copy !req
187. Do it?Copy !req
188. Do it!Copy !req
189. Do what?Copy !req
190. Do it, Melvin, do it!Copy !req
191. Do it? Okay.Copy !req
192. Wait a minute. Have I got
a great idea, Melvin.Copy !req
193. What is it?Copy !req
194. We'll go down by the pool.Copy !req
195. And afterward we can
take a cool dip.Copy !req
196. Alright.Copy !req
197. There's one other
little thing, Melvin.Copy !req
198. You're not wearing pink.Copy !req
199. - Pink?
- It's my favorite color.Copy !req
200. I have my pink on.Copy !req
201. So, I brought this for you.Copy !req
202. - But this is sissy stuff.
- Oh, no, Melvin. Pink makes me so hot.Copy !req
203. - It does.
- Yes.Copy !req
204. If you put on your pink,
I'll take off my pink.Copy !req
205. - I love pink!
- Hurry up, I'll be waiting for you.Copy !req
206. - And bring your mop.
- I will!Copy !req
207. - Julie?
- Here I am, Melvin.Copy !req
208. It's so dark in here, where
are you? I can't see youCopy !req
209. I'm right here, Melvin. Come here.Copy !req
210. My lips are waiting
for you, Melvin.Copy !req
211. Whoa, put your arms around me.Copy !req
212. Oh, Julie! Julie!
Oh, Julie! I'm here!Copy !req
213. Okay! Turn on the light!Copy !req
214. You're so soft, Julie.Copy !req
215. Baaa.Copy !req
216. Ooh!Copy !req
217. Ooh, he doesn't look
very good to me.Copy !req
218. He's faking it, Julie!
He's faking it.Copy !req
219. I think he's in trouble.Copy !req
220. Julie, this guy, if he can't
take a joke, he stinks.Copy !req
221. Get back! Get back!
Step off! Get back!Copy !req
222. Get out of here!Copy !req
223. Easy, guy.Copy !req
224. Melvin's on fire! Melvin's on fire!Copy !req
225. Melvin, dear, are you alright?Copy !req
226. Is anything the matter?Copy !req
227. God, my arms! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
228. Oh my feet!Copy !req
229. Oh my God!Copy !req
230. Are you okay?Copy !req
231. Melvin, dear, are you alright?Copy !req
232. My little Melvin! He must
have finally reached puberty.Copy !req
233. One. Two.Copy !req
234. Three. Four. Five.Copy !req
235. When we lay this wad
on, old Clancy.Copy !req
236. The boss is going to
have him by the balls.Copy !req
237. I don't think old Clancy
will take the money.Copy !req
238. Everyone says he's an honest cop.Copy !req
239. If he don't take the dough,
I'm gonna give him a blow.Copy !req
240. Ha ha!Copy !req
241. A pair of knuckles.Copy !req
242. Well, if it ain't, Cigar Face. What
are you and your friends up to?Copy !req
243. We brought you a little
present from the boss.Copy !req
244. Here.Copy !req
245. No way. You're wasting your time.Copy !req
246. No. That's where you're wrong.Copy !req
247. You're wasting our time.Copy !req
248. Now we're going to waste you!Copy !req
249. Ow!Copy !req
250. Now you're going to find out
why they call me Cigar Face.Copy !req
251. Get him Nipples, yeah!Copy !req
252. Come on, now. Come on!Copy !req
253. What the matter, Clancy?Copy !req
254. Get him!Copy !req
255. Honest cops are all alike!
A bunch of fuckin' fagots!Copy !req
256. What do you say, shall I
blow his nose off or what?Copy !req
257. Boss says if he doesn't
want to cooperate,Copy !req
258. we should make love to him.Copy !req
259. Well, whatever the boss says, goes.Copy !req
260. No... No, no, please!
Please, oh God, please.Copy !req
261. No, no. No, please. Come on.
I've got a family!Copy !req
262. Say your prayers, copper!Copy !req
263. Holy shit!Copy !req
264. Could that be the, O'Shanahee
boy back from school.Copy !req
265. No! No!Copy !req
266. I'll get you for this,
you monster faggot!Copy !req
267. Don't worry. Don't
worry, I won't hurt you.Copy !req
268. I don't know what came over me.Copy !req
269. I just couldn't control myself.Copy !req
270. I've never done anything
like this before.Copy !req
271. Bye.Copy !req
272. Quiet!Copy !req
273. Quiet!Copy !req
274. Now, you will raise your hand and you
will ask one question at a time.Copy !req
275. Exactly where did it happen?Copy !req
276. It happened in Shinbone Alley.Copy !req
277. These three guys were
going to kill me, see.Copy !req
278. And then of nowhere comes
this thing, this monster,Copy !req
279. I never seen anything
like it before.Copy !req
280. Because it took the three
guys and threw them away.Copy !req
281. I don't know what it was but, but God
bless him, 'cause he saved my life.Copy !req
282. Alright, boys.Copy !req
283. Chief, what have you got?Copy !req
284. That alleyway was the most
gruesome sight I have ever seen.Copy !req
285. Gruesome, huh?Copy !req
286. Have you ever met my mother-in-law?Copy !req
287. Now, that's gruesomeCopy !req
288. What about Cigar Face?Copy !req
289. Have we gotten anything
out of him yet?Copy !req
290. He must still be in shock.
All he does is sit aroundCopy !req
291. all day babbling about
some seven foot monster.Copy !req
292. Yeah, and the only other clue
we've got are those mops,Copy !req
293. stuffed in their mouths.Copy !req
294. Mops... It must be some sort of political
statement. Do we have any suspects?Copy !req
295. Nah, the whole town is suspect. Knuckles
and Nipples were hated by everyone.Copy !req
296. Not by me. They were our
two best producers.Copy !req
297. Speaking of which, I almost forgot.Copy !req
298. The boys made their rounds last
night and here is the collection.Copy !req
299. Yeah, and it would've been
double if it wasn't for thisCopy !req
300. devastating tragic turn of events.Copy !req
301. Yeah.Copy !req
302. Slug, will you stop with
that Elephant Man bullshit.Copy !req
303. I am not an animal.
I'm Melvin, the mop boy.Copy !req
304. - Who is it?
- It's me, Ma. Melvin.Copy !req
305. Ma? Ah, Ma!Copy !req
306. Tom. Tom, is he dead?Copy !req
307. Hey, Tom.Copy !req
308. Yeah, over here. Tom, the
zoning board has designatedCopy !req
309. the old Rawlins Chemical Plant as
the new toxic waste dump site.Copy !req
310. Now that's contaminated, but
valuable waterfront property.Copy !req
311. We think it's a crime to let that
property go to waste as a dump.Copy !req
312. You are aware, of course, that that
would place our new toxic chemical dumpCopy !req
313. just 20 feet from the reservoir
for the entire area.Copy !req
314. Gentlemen, I think we have a deal.Copy !req
315. Here to better living
through chemistry.Copy !req
316. Mr. Fred! Mr. Fred, what's
wrong with this thing!Copy !req
317. Alright, everybody!Copy !req
318. Drop your tacos or I'll
blow your brains out!Copy !req
319. Rico, get the cash register!Copy !req
320. Okay, you got it!Copy !req
321. Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
322. We are the entertainment
for this afternoon.Copy !req
323. Now on shotgun, we've
got my man Leroy.Copy !req
324. On cash register we've
got magic fingers, Rico!Copy !req
325. That's me.Copy !req
326. And last but not least,
yours truly Frank.Copy !req
327. On the stick.Copy !req
328. Shut up!Copy !req
329. Now if you all do just
what we tell you,Copy !req
330. you just might, just might get
your asses home all intact.Copy !req
331. Look who we got here!
A little mother, and a littler baby.Copy !req
332. Do you like Mexican
food, little baby?Copy !req
333. Well, How'd you like to
have this hot tamaleCopy !req
334. shoved down your throat?Copy !req
335. What are you looking at?Copy !req
336. Hey, Frank, teeny boppers!Copy !req
337. You like video games,
teeny boppers?Copy !req
338. Your mom give you
quarters for video games?Copy !req
339. Well, cough them up!Copy !req
340. Hey, this one's cute, Frank.Copy !req
341. Look how cute she is, Frank.Copy !req
342. Say, Leroy, I think she likes you.Copy !req
343. Hey, why don't you leave her alone?Copy !req
344. We'll give you our money,
if you want money.Copy !req
345. Hey, look, pal, why don't
you just let everyone goCopy !req
346. and keep me as a hostage, huh?Copy !req
347. Huh?Copy !req
348. That's an idea, ain't it, Frank?Copy !req
349. - Yeah.
- No, thanks.Copy !req
350. Shut up! It was self defense.Copy !req
351. Yo, Leroy, check out this
pretty little thing,Copy !req
352. and the bitch got a dog.Copy !req
353. Hey, wait a minute.
I think this bitch is blind.Copy !req
354. Are you sure she is blind, Frank?Copy !req
355. Yeah, the bitch is blind.Copy !req
356. Ow!Copy !req
357. Hey, what are you doing?
Don't do that!Copy !req
358. Let go of me!Copy !req
359. Yo, Leroy, you want to
walk this damn dog!Copy !req
360. Yeah, sure, Frank.Copy !req
361. Gary?Copy !req
362. Harry! What have you
done to my dog?Copy !req
363. I didn't do anything to
the dog, but listen...Copy !req
364. Gary! Gary!Copy !req
365. You wanna meet my friend, Ben?Copy !req
366. We's make everything alright.
Just let me introduce you to Ben.Copy !req
367. Ben who!Copy !req
368. Ben Dover!Copy !req
369. Hey, Leroy, you know I always did
want to cornhole me a blind bitch.Copy !req
370. Ow!Copy !req
371. I'm going to enjoy this!Copy !req
372. Yeah, it's going to be nice.Copy !req
373. What the shit!Copy !req
374. Okay, you motherfucker!Copy !req
375. No, no, no! We were only kidding!Copy !req
376. What's the matter?
You can't take a joke?Copy !req
377. We were only kidding.Copy !req
378. Please, no!
You can't do this to me!Copy !req
379. No! Please! Please, stop it!Copy !req
380. Stop, no! No!Copy !req
381. No! We were, we were only kidding!Copy !req
382. Please, please don't touch me!Copy !req
383. Please!Copy !req
384. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, it's alright.
I'm not going to hurt you.Copy !req
385. Are you okay?Copy !req
386. Yes, I think so. My dog!Copy !req
387. Those men killed my dog!
They shot my dog!Copy !req
388. Could you take me out
of here, please?Copy !req
389. Please. I'll never make it
by myself without my dog.Copy !req
390. Please.Copy !req
391. Okay, alright, but come on,
let's go out the back way.Copy !req
392. Hey, don't worry, I won't hurt you.
Come on, I'll help you up.Copy !req
393. - Don't trip over the step, Melvin.
- What?Copy !req
394. I'd better get my cane.Copy !req
395. Why don't you have a seat?Copy !req
396. There's a place for
you on your left.Copy !req
397. Right over there.Copy !req
398. Ow!Copy !req
399. Would like you like
something to eat?Copy !req
400. Uh-huh.Copy !req
401. Is peanut butter and jelly, okay?Copy !req
402. Uh-huh.Copy !req
403. Good.Copy !req
404. Now, boys, what have we got here?Copy !req
405. Looks like we got a nice crispy
taco supreme over here, chief.Copy !req
406. Looks like I got a a strawberry
thickshake over here.Copy !req
407. What have you got?Copy !req
408. I've got a pizza with
the works to go, Jimmy.Copy !req
409. Chief, it was unbelievable.
It had an eye up over here,Copy !req
410. His nose was twisted to the side.Copy !req
411. Huh?Copy !req
412. It was the strangest thing
I ever saw in my life.Copy !req
413. Sure. But it was a
pink elephant, too.Copy !req
414. I'm telling ya, these guys
were going to kill us.Copy !req
415. It saved our lives. It was a hero.Copy !req
416. A hero!Copy !req
417. This guy is drunk.Copy !req
418. Would you mind if I
touched your face?Copy !req
419. No!Copy !req
420. No? Why not?
I won't hurt you, Melvin.Copy !req
421. It's not that. It's just that
I have a rash on my face.Copy !req
422. A rash? You mean acne?Copy !req
423. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's it.
It's nothing to worry aboutCopy !req
424. but I wouldn't want
you to touch it.Copy !req
425. You shouldn't be ashamed of acne.Copy !req
426. Everybody's had acne at
one time or another.Copy !req
427. Hey, I know. Would you like
me to tell your fortune?Copy !req
428. Huh?Copy !req
429. I read palms. Give me your hand.Copy !req
430. What big hands you have.Copy !req
431. I bet you're very strong.Copy !req
432. Hmm. Let me see.
You're going to haveCopy !req
433. a lot of good things coming
too you in the future.Copy !req
434. You're going to become
a very important man.Copy !req
435. Let me see your other hand.Copy !req
436. Oops! Sorry.Copy !req
437. Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
438. With us this afternoon is,
Dr. Mertyn SnodbergerCopy !req
439. from the Garden State State
Cerebral Reflex Research Center.Copy !req
440. Ah, can you tell me, sir,Copy !req
441. is it true that the monster
only attacks bad people?Copy !req
442. Ja. Ja. Since only bad, evil
people have been destroyedCopy !req
443. by the monster, I would have
to answer your question. Ja.Copy !req
444. From traces that have
been found on the scenesCopy !req
445. of the crime, and analyzed,
we have determinedCopy !req
446. that whatever it is, this
monster has been exposedCopy !req
447. to toxic chemical waste.Copy !req
448. Achoo!Copy !req
449. It is also highly probable
that this monster mayCopy !req
450. have developed a very basic
instinct which draws him,Copy !req
451. or should I say, commands
him to destroy evil.Copy !req
452. That new camera really
captures the moment!Copy !req
453. I know. The reds are so red!
Really get me hot!Copy !req
454. Mr. Mayor?Copy !req
455. Yeah?Copy !req
456. I got today's receipts from
the drug division. Ha ha!Copy !req
457. Good boy, Dennis. Put it
over there on the table.Copy !req
458. Bookie will get to it later.Copy !req
459. Listen, you asshole, how
many times are you going toCopy !req
460. pull that Elephant Man joke?Copy !req
461. Let this be a lesson
to you, hot ass!Copy !req
462. This monster may have developed
a very basic instinct,Copy !req
463. to destroy evil.Copy !req
464. Hey, you! In the alley!Copy !req
465. Hey, knucklehead! How about
some nice young poontang, huh?Copy !req
466. No! No, take me home!
No, take me home!Copy !req
467. No, you lied to me!Copy !req
468. You said you were going to take me
to see the David Bowie concert!Copy !req
469. He's not David Bowie!Copy !req
470. Only twelve years old,
and only twelve dollars!Copy !req
471. Boys! Boys! Help!Copy !req
472. Help, boys! Help!Copy !req
473. And you can tell all your
scum friends that thingsCopy !req
474. are going to change in this town!Copy !req
475. I'm not just another pretty face!Copy !req
476. Two prime candidates.Copy !req
477. Yeah.Copy !req
478. Rack 'em up!Copy !req
479. - Wow!
- Wow!Copy !req
480. I hear the monster is so big.Copy !req
481. Well, I bet he's got his eye on me.Copy !req
482. For your information, everyone
knows Monster Prefer Blondes!Copy !req
483. There's a feeling going
around town that this monsterCopy !req
484. is here to protect the people.Copy !req
485. And the jail's are
becoming overcrowded.Copy !req
486. This monster has cleaned the
streets of every criminal.Copy !req
487. Almost all the criminals.
He hasn't gotten us yet.Copy !req
488. What the hell are we going to
do about this monster, eh?Copy !req
489. I'll tell you what we're going
to do. We're going to kill him.Copy !req
490. Because if we don't kill
him, he's going to kill us.Copy !req
491. I owe you for the other
night, monster fagot!Copy !req
492. So now we're going to give
you six new assholes,Copy !req
493. compliments of me, Cigar Face!Copy !req
494. Boom! You should've seen it!
His teeth was everywhere!Copy !req
495. They looked like Chiclets!Copy !req
496. Hey, what are you doing, blondie?Copy !req
497. I'm waiting for my boyfriend.Copy !req
498. She's waiting for her boyfriend.Copy !req
499. Well, maybe I'm going to
be your boyfriend, baby!Copy !req
500. Hey, stop that! My
boyfriend won't like that!Copy !req
501. Maybe we'll have to take care of
that wimp of a boyfriend, huh?Copy !req
502. Melvin! Melvin!Copy !req
503. Melvin!Copy !req
504. Melvin!Copy !req
505. Melvin!Copy !req
506. Yeah, Melvin. What's up, guys?Copy !req
507. Why, Melvin, you're beautiful.
You're a beautiful person.Copy !req
508. You're so muscular. It's been
two years since I touched a man.Copy !req
509. What are you doing to me?
I've never felt like this before.Copy !req
510. Murderer!Copy !req
511. I'm gonna teach you a
lesson you'll never forget!Copy !req
512. No!Copy !req
513. Sorry, madam.Copy !req
514. Open up please, open up!Copy !req
515. Help me! Oh, please
open up! Help me!Copy !req
516. Going up?Copy !req
517. Let me out Let me out!
Please, someone help me!Copy !req
518. Aah! She's stressing me, Slug!
Julie is stressing me, Slug!Copy !req
519. I can't take it!
I cannot take this, Slug!Copy !req
520. She's not here with car
and I've got to drive.Copy !req
521. I gotta drive, Slug!
I gotta drive!Copy !req
522. Alright, already. Alright.
Will you chill out?Copy !req
523. Hey, how would you like
to be behind the wheelCopy !req
524. of a beautiful Japanese import?Copy !req
525. Oh, that would be good!Copy !req
526. Hi, can we help?Copy !req
527. Oh, you sure can.Copy !req
528. Thank you so much.
Oh, it's so nice to have youCopy !req
529. boys like you here
in the neighborhood.Copy !req
530. Oh, what a feeling, today!Copy !req
531. Did you see her face
when I punched her?Copy !req
532. I beat that old lady like a dog!Copy !req
533. Slug, there's that thing again!Copy !req
534. Let's get it!Copy !req
535. Shit! He's on the roof!
He's on the roof!Copy !req
536. Get him off! He's going
to kill both of us!Copy !req
537. Swerve the car, Bozo!
Swerve the car!Copy !req
538. I can't control the car!Copy !req
539. He's still there, swerve it again!
Swerve it again!Copy !req
540. I can't get him off the car, Slug!
I can't get him off!Copy !req
541. Slug, I'm going to die!Copy !req
542. Take the wheel, Slug!
Take the wheel!Copy !req
543. I'm stressed!Copy !req
544. Ah, what?Copy !req
545. What?Copy !req
546. Get out of here!Copy !req
547. No!Copy !req
548. See how you like this
face, huh, Bozo?Copy !req
549. You know who this is?
It's Melvin, that's who it is!Copy !req
550. Hey, hey, hey, what about
the kid on the bike, Bozo?Copy !req
551. How does it feel to hit a
kid on a bike? Feels good!Copy !req
552. I've got problems! I've got
problems! I'm a stressed person!Copy !req
553. No, no!Copy !req
554. Give me the wheel!Copy !req
555. Just give me the wheel!
You'll going to kill both of us!Copy !req
556. You want the wheel?
Here, take the wheel!Copy !req
557. Yoohoo! Mr. Wilson!Copy !req
558. Mrs Haskel, how are you?Copy !req
559. Fine, thank you.Copy !req
560. How are the boys?Copy !req
561. Those boys are such terrors.
Especially Scott.Copy !req
562. He took his best girl out
last night and he came homeCopy !req
563. with these stains,
all over his pants.Copy !req
564. I don't know what they are.Copy !req
565. I don't either.Copy !req
566. Do you think you can get them out?Copy !req
567. My car! They're putting
a ticket on my car!Copy !req
568. Mrs. Haskel, don't move. Don't
move. Stay right where you are.Copy !req
569. I'll be right back.Copy !req
570. You can't give me a ticket! You can't give
me a ticket! I have to go to a funeral...Copy !req
571. Hey, who do you think
you're pushing?Copy !req
572. What do you want?Copy !req
573. Stay away from me!
Stay away from me!Copy !req
574. Help! Help! Help! Help!Copy !req
575. Stay away from me!
Stay away from me! Help!Copy !req
576. Help! Help!Copy !req
577. What the...?Copy !req
578. Put me down! I didn't do anything!Copy !req
579. No Dickie here. No washie.Copy !req
580. Please, don't give me a ticket!
Please, don't give me a ticket!Copy !req
581. Okay, Mrs. Haskel, let's see what
we can do with these stains.Copy !req
582. Mrs. Haskel. Mrs. Haskel, what
are you doing back there?Copy !req
583. You know customers are not
allowed on that machine.Copy !req
584. Mrs. Haskel.Copy !req
585. Melvin, is that you?Copy !req
586. Melvin?Copy !req
587. Who's there?Copy !req
588. Who is that?Copy !req
589. It's me, Sarah. Only me.Copy !req
590. You scared me. Is something wrong?Copy !req
591. Everything is wrong.Copy !req
592. What the matter? What have I done?Copy !req
593. No, it's not what you've done.
It's what I've done.Copy !req
594. I think I'm out of control.Copy !req
595. You see, you're blind, Sara.
You don't know who I am.Copy !req
596. I'm really the monster
hero you heard about.Copy !req
597. And everyday I go out
and I mash people.Copy !req
598. I tear them apart and I can't stop.Copy !req
599. You better move back
to your apartment.Copy !req
600. I don't think its safe
for you to be around me.Copy !req
601. Oh, Melvin. I couldn't leave
you now. I love you, Melvin.Copy !req
602. I wish we could go somewhere.Copy !req
603. Yeah, some far away place.
Where there are no people.Copy !req
604. Where I can't kill anybody.Copy !req
605. What about that spot near Millers
farm that you told me about?Copy !req
606. Where you used to go to be alone.Copy !req
607. You said that was a
very special place.Copy !req
608. Well, we could try it.Copy !req
609. Do you think I look
inconspicuous enough?Copy !req
610. I'll feel better when
we get to the campsite.Copy !req
611. Mayor, Mayor!Copy !req
612. Chief, look. Our monster made
a little bit of a mistake.Copy !req
613. You can't go around dry
cleaning little old ladiesCopy !req
614. the public won't stand for it.Copy !req
615. We can kill him now with
no flack from anybody.Copy !req
616. Nein, nein. Bad news, Mayor,Copy !req
617. That old lady was hardly a
pillar of the community.Copy !req
618. In fact, she can a head of an
international white slavery ring.Copy !req
619. Shit...Copy !req
620. And she had a police
record a mile long.Copy !req
621. We've got to cover this up.Copy !req
622. If it ever gets out to
the press we're sunk.Copy !req
623. And I want you to do me a favor.
Kill that bastard for me! You got it?Copy !req
624. Kill him!Copy !req
625. Yes, mein fuhrer. Mein mayor!Copy !req
626. Ladies and gentlemen, may I
have your attention please.Copy !req
627. Mayor Peter Bellgoode
will now take questionsCopy !req
628. from the ladies and
gentlemen of the press.Copy !req
629. Uh, Miss Fink.Copy !req
630. What your administration stance in
regards to this alleged monster?Copy !req
631. Is he a menace or a miracle?Copy !req
632. He's definitely a menace, Miss Fink.
Right now there's a massiveCopy !req
633. search underway to find
the thing and destroy it.Copy !req
634. Yes, Mr. Leonard?Copy !req
635. Instead of trying to kill
him, shouldn't we be tryingCopy !req
636. to capture him, bring
him in, study him?Copy !req
637. It is not a human being.
It is an it. You kill an it.Copy !req
638. Mr. Mayor. Mr. Mayor.Copy !req
639. Yes, Mr. Williams?Copy !req
640. The victim killed in the dry
cleaners, Mrs, ah, Haskel.Copy !req
641. What's her background?
What do we know about her?Copy !req
642. Mrs. Haskel was a member of our
community for over 30 years.Copy !req
643. Also a member of the PTA.
She had two fine sons.Copy !req
644. Everyone that know her, loved her.Copy !req
645. Question! Question!
Are you certain, Mr. Mayor,Copy !req
646. that the chief Himmel and
the police departmentCopy !req
647. can handle the situation
in Tromaville?Copy !req
648. I have the utmost regard for
the chief, and his department.Copy !req
649. As I've said, he's
conducting a massive searchCopy !req
650. for the monster right now.Copy !req
651. I want this thing found and
I want this thing killed!Copy !req
652. The mayor has notified the
governor and he's preparedCopy !req
653. to give us all the
assistance we need.Copy !req
654. Should we break out
the heavy weapons?Copy !req
655. Come on, boys.Copy !req
656. I'd be dead right now if
it wasn't for the monster!Copy !req
657. Don't you think you're
being a bit hasty?Copy !req
658. Clancy, you will do as you're
told or you'll find yourselfCopy !req
659. walking a beat in the city dump!Copy !req
660. Now I want this thing shot and
I want you to shoot to kill!Copy !req
661. That monster saved my life.
He's done a lot of good for this town.Copy !req
662. Why are they going to kill him?Copy !req
663. We should speak out! Do something!Copy !req
664. Roy, why don't you do
something! Speak out!Copy !req
665. You want me to speak up?
If I speak up,Copy !req
666. I lose my business license.
If I lose my business license,Copy !req
667. I'm dead. Do you
want another shake?Copy !req
668. No! I want them not
to kill the monster.Copy !req
669. I want us to do something!Copy !req
670. Listen, Johnny, you're just a kid.Copy !req
671. People can't go around doing
things just because they're right.Copy !req
672. We have to leave these
decisions up to the mayorCopy !req
673. - and the police chief.
- That's right.Copy !req
674. But why would the mayor
want to destroy somethingCopy !req
675. that does more good than
the entire police force?Copy !req
676. No offense.Copy !req
677. I know how you feel, Johnny,
he saved my life too.Copy !req
678. But us, little guys, are just not
qualified to make these decisions.Copy !req
679. That's why he's the mayor.Copy !req
680. Right?Copy !req
681. We're gonna find that bastard, now.
Come on. Come on, girl!Copy !req
682. Heel. Come on.Copy !req
683. My first day on the force
and I'm chasing monsters!Copy !req
684. The dogs got a scent!Copy !req
685. I'm missing the ball
game for this bullshit!Copy !req
686. We ain't going to find
no monster out here,Copy !req
687. all we're going to find is a bunch of
mosquitoes biting my fuckin' asshole!Copy !req
688. Shut your fuckin' mouth!Copy !req
689. Hold on a second,
I think I see something.Copy !req
690. You don't see nothing but a coupleCopy !req
691. of campers humping each other.
Come on, let's go home!Copy !req
692. Holy shit! It's the monster!Copy !req
693. Oh, sure!Copy !req
694. And he's got a bimbo with him!Copy !req
695. Oh, he's got your Mama with him!Copy !req
696. And she's wearing a bikini! Wow!Copy !req
697. Wait, let me see!Copy !req
698. Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!Copy !req
699. Come on, let's go tell the chief!
I'm going to get me a medal for this!Copy !req
700. Mayor! Mayor! Mayor!Copy !req
701. The monster has been sighted
in a field near Miller farm.Copy !req
702. That's wonderful!Copy !req
703. I'll have the National Guard
meet us out there in full force.Copy !req
704. You leave now!Copy !req
705. Ja!Copy !req
706. Hello, Mr. Governor,
how are you, sir?Copy !req
707. Fine, just fine.Copy !req
708. Governor, I need your help, sir.Copy !req
709. It's about this monster that's
been terrorizing my town.Copy !req
710. The local authorities can no
longer handle the situation.Copy !req
711. That's why I need your help.Copy !req
712. The National Guard?Copy !req
713. I was hoping you'd say
that, so we can kill it.Copy !req
714. Capture it? Well, I was
thinking the very same thing.Copy !req
715. Yes, capture would be fine.
Uh-huh. Well, thank you, Governor.Copy !req
716. Talk to you soon. Goodbye, sir.Copy !req
717. Capture, my ass!Copy !req
718. I don't like the way
this is going sargent.Copy !req
719. I know.Copy !req
720. The little people think he's
done a lot for this town.Copy !req
721. Oh, my God! They're calling
in the National Guard!Copy !req
722. Oh, look at all those men!Copy !req
723. Oh, I hope they don't
hurt the monster.Copy !req
724. Monster, they aught to give
him a medal, not kill him.Copy !req
725. They're going to nuke him!
They're going to nuke the monster!Copy !req
726. - They found the monster!
- He's at the Miller Farm!Copy !req
727. They're going to kill him!Copy !req
728. Holy cow! We can't let him die!Copy !req
729. Let's go!Copy !req
730. Out of the way!Copy !req
731. Stand aside.Copy !req
732. Tent's in the clearing, Mayor.
My troops have it surrounded.Copy !req
733. We think he's still asleep.Copy !req
734. Fine, we'll move in
and wipe him out.Copy !req
735. You can't do that, Mayor.
I've rechecked with headquartersCopy !req
736. They want us to take him
alive, not kill him.Copy !req
737. Your in charge, Pete.
Come on, give the orders!Copy !req
738. Mr. Mayor, please, please,
think of what you are doing!Copy !req
739. There's an innocent
girl in there with him!Copy !req
740. Just one life for the whole town!Copy !req
741. But, Mr Mayor, you
don't understand!Copy !req
742. He saved my life!
He doesn't deserve to die!Copy !req
743. Shut up!Copy !req
744. Now you don't understand the seriousness
of this situation here, boy!Copy !req
745. How dare you discuss my son's
life or death like this.Copy !req
746. I'm Melvin's mother.
He's a good boy.Copy !req
747. He's never hurt anybody!Copy !req
748. Silence! Silence!
The orders have been given!Copy !req
749. It is our destiny to
follow the orders!Copy !req
750. You in the tent, come
out with your hands up!Copy !req
751. You are surrounded!Copy !req
752. The minute he comes out, kill him.Copy !req
753. - I'm coming with you.
- No, you're not.Copy !req
754. You've got to stay here.Copy !req
755. No, I can't let you do it! He's a hero.
I can't let you do it! I can't let you do it!Copy !req
756. Don't shoot him! Don't shoot!Copy !req
757. If you want to shoot my son,
you'll have to shoot me first!Copy !req
758. Okay, lads. Get these
kids out of there!Copy !req
759. It's okay, Mom. Kids.Copy !req
760. Shoot it!Copy !req
761. Run! Run!Copy !req
762. Fire!Copy !req
763. No, I won't do it.Copy !req
764. These kids are right.Copy !req
765. Captain, have your men fire!Copy !req
766. No, I can't.Copy !req
767. Shoot them! You shoot!Copy !req
768. Fire!Copy !req
769. Melvin!Copy !req
770. Alright, I'll do it myself!Copy !req
771. No!Copy !req
772. You touch me again
and I'll kill you!Copy !req
773. Get away from me!Copy !req
774. Get away from me!Copy !req
775. No! Ah, get away from me!Copy !req
776. Leave me alone!
Look, I'll make you a deal!Copy !req
777. I'll give you 10%, anything,
just leave alone!Copy !req
778. Don't hurt me!
I'm too young to die!Copy !req
779. Please don't hurt me!Copy !req
780. Please!Copy !req
781. You fat slob, let's see
if you have any guts!Copy !req
782. Officer O'Clancy, take
care of this toxic waste.Copy !req
783. Melvin!Copy !req
784. Sarah!Copy !req
785. Melvin!Copy !req
786. Sara!Copy !req
787. Melvin! Ah!Copy !req
788. Sarah!Copy !req
789. Melvin!Copy !req
790. Sarah!Copy !req
791. Melvin?Copy !req
792. Sarah!Copy !req
793. So, Melvin, the monster hero, rid
Tromaville of all of it's evils,Copy !req
794. so the good citizens could live
their lives in peace and happiness.Copy !req
795. And the next time you're in
danger or in need to help,Copy !req
796. look to the horizon and
maybe, just maybe...Copy !req
797. The Toxic Avenger will be there.Copy !req