- 1. New York City, the world capital
of culture and industry.
- 2. Here, among the
- 3. civilization is guided by men of
progress and the wonders of technology.
- 4. But for all this industrial
advancement, there is a price to pay.
- 5. Pollution. The unavoidable
byproduct of today's society.
- 6. Every year, millions of
gallons of poisonous wastes,
- 7. garbage, and radioactive chemicals
are disposed of in nearby towns
- 8. such as Tromaville, the toxic waste
dumping capital of the world.
- 9. Our story takes place at
the Tromaville Health Club
- 10. where a young man named
Melvin Furd works.
- 11. Melvin's entire life, in fact
- 12. entire being was changed
by toxic chemical waste.
- 13. Would you take a look
at that fucking guy?
- 14. Dumb mop boy can't even mop right.
- 15. He's so stupid!
- 16. He's always got that
shit-eating grin on his face.
- 17. What's he so happy about?
- 18. I hate that mop boy.
- 19. I think that creep
is coming over here.
- 20. Julie, you smell something?
- 21. Ew! P-U! What's that stink?
- 22. Gee, that's funny.
I don't smell nothing.
- 23. Melvin, clean up the toilet,
it stinks over here!
- 24. OK. I'll be right there!
- 25. Look what you did,
you fucking asshole!
- 26. Yeah, you fucking asshole!
- 27. - Hey, what are you, retarded?
- Huh? Retarded?
- 28. I'm sorry!
- 29. Sorry, huh?
- 30. You want me to go and
get a fucking disease!
- 31. Yeah, you want her to go
and get a fucking disease?
- 32. I didn't mean it!
- 33. Aw, I didn't mean it.
- 34. Next time you fuck with me, I'm gonna take
this mop and shove it down your throat.
- 35. He is stressing me, Julie!
- 36. He is stressing me!
- 37. Oh, Bozo...
- 38. I can't take it. I cannot take it Julie.
He is screwing up my karma!
- 39. See what you did, you idiot?
See what you did!
- 40. You've stressed Bozo!
- 41. I'm sorry, Julie. I didn't mean to do it.
He was sitting there and I...
- 42. Ah! How dare you talk
to me, you twerp!
- 43. Keep it up, Bozo. Keep it up.
- 44. But remember,
- 45. there is only one muscle
you gotta worry about.
- 46. Hey, you know. I think you ought
to work a little bit on your gut.
- 47. You're getting a little
bit flabby there.
- 48. Where! What are you talking about?
- 49. I don't got no fat! There's no
fat here. I don't got no f...
- 50. Fat! Fat!
- 51. Slug, are you sure
no one will come in?
- 52. I paid Tony 15 bucks.
- 53. He said the place is ours
until tomorrow morning.
- 54. Relax. You want a drink?
- 55. - Yeah.
- 56. Slug, can I come again next
time you and Bozo go driving?
- 57. If you want to, bad enough.
- 58. I love it when we go real fast.
- 59. And they never know what hit 'em.
- 60. They never believe we're
going to run 'em down.
- 61. We keep getting closer and closer.
- 62. And faster and faster.
- 63. They're just standing
there and yeah.
- 64. We hit them!
- 65. I love the sound of breaking bones!
- 66. The car driving over them,
dragging their bodies.
- 67. All that beautiful blood!
- 68. Slug!
- 69. I want you, now.
- 70. Oh, Slug!
- 71. Oh, Slug!
- 72. Give it to me! Give it to me!
- 73. Get out of here, you pervert!
- 74. Or I'll kill ya!
- 75. Julie. Julie, the points.
The rules, what are they?
- 76. Let me see if I can
remember the whole list.
- 77. Now, jews, whops,
niggers and chinks,
- 78. they're all worth
- 79. But Puerto Ricans, they're
worth thirty points.
- 80. Now kids under twelve they're
worth double points.
- 81. Skippy, don't forget your helmet.
- 82. OK, sis.
- 83. And be careful out there.
- 84. Julie, does it count
if I graze them?
- 85. You got to destroy them!
Bozo, I want them dead.
- 86. Now we're gonna get 'em.
- 87. Come on. Come on! Come on!
- 88. Where the fuck is everybody?
Where the fuck is everybody?
- 89. How much is a kid on a bicycle?
- 90. Where?
- 91. Twenty-eight points if you get
both the kid and the bike?
- 92. Let's take a closer look.
- 93. Oh, he a cute little boy, isn't he?
- 94. Out pretty late, aren't you, honey?
- 95. The coast is clear, Bozo.
- 96. We got him!
- 97. We're gonna kill him!
We're gonna get him!
- 98. Now you get full points!
- 99. No way! The kid's still moving!
- 100. We're not finished yet!
- 101. He's still moving, no way
you get full points.
- 102. No way, huh? No way?
I'll fucking show you no way.
- 103. Give me that! Gibe me that!
- 104. Full points, my man!
- 105. Look at him! Wow, oh my God!
- 106. These are gonna be the best
shots we've ever taken.
- 107. Yeah, this is fun!
- 108. These are great!
- 109. Show me your pretty pictures!
- 110. That was good! That was good!
- 111. I want to do it again!
I want to do it again!
- 112. - Yeah, let's do it again!
- Yeah, let's go for it again!
- 113. No, no I can't.
I've got to go home.
- 114. What?
- 115. Well, I got to get up
early in the morning.
- 116. Got to go to church.
- 117. Oh!
- 118. And up! Up! Up! Up!
- 119. Now kick! Out! Out! Out!
- 120. Now arms up! Stop. Stop.
- 121. That's really pitiful.
Just stop. Just stop a second.
- 122. Look how many times do
I have to tell you people?
- 123. Do exactly what I do.
- 124. If I kick my right foot,
you kick your right foot.
- 125. If I kick my left foot,
you kick your left foot.
- 126. Okay? Whatever I do, you
do exactly the same thing.
- 127. Okay? Now how about we start again?
You're gonna do exactly what I'm doing.
- 128. Okay guys, you know
what I'm talking about?
- 129. Let's go, let's do it this time. Okay! Let's
get the music! 5, 6, 7, and hey, hey...
- 130. Watch what I'm doing here.
Watch how I hit this ball.
- 131. Are you watching me!
Are you watching me!
- 132. I'm going to kill it! I'm going
to kill it! I'm going to kill it!
- 133. Aah! I'm gonna kick
that freak's mouth in!
- 134. Bozo, it's okay. It's okay.
Hey, guys, come here.
- 135. Have I got a plan to fix
that mop boys wagon.
- 136. Great! What is it?
- 137. Well...
- 138. Hi, Melvin.
- 139. Whoa!
- 140. Melvin. Melvin, it's okay.
- 141. Hey, I just came to apologize. Yes,
I didn't mean to be so nasty yesterday.
- 142. Oh, that's okay, Julie.
I didn't really mind.
- 143. In fact, I was hoping
you could help me,
- 144. with a little problem.
I've been having.
- 145. - Who, me?
- Yes but...
- 146. I can't talk about here with
all these people around.
- 147. Hey, I got a great idea.
- 148. Why don't you meet me in
the girls locker room?
- 149. Girls' locker room?
- 150. Yes. Then we can discuss it alone.
- 151. Oh, oh!
- 152. Okay.
- 153. Great! Let's say 7 o'clock.
- 154. Okay. That'll be good for me, too,
'cause I gotta to clean the toilets
- 155. in there around that time anyway.
- 156. Good. It's a date. See you then.
- 157. Okay.
- 158. 490... 491... 492...
- 159. 493... 494... 495...
- 160. Hi, guys. Well, Melvin fell
for it. Hook line and sinker.
- 161. Great!
- 162. We've been driving
for two whole hours.
- 163. Let's pull this rig
over and take a break.
- 164. Hey, the boss'll have our asses.
- 165. You know he don't want us
to stop in habitated areas
- 166. with this radioactive chemical
waste we got on the back.
- 167. It's dangerous. It's like that
cancerogenic stuff, you know.
- 168. Hey Joey, you remember that dope
we were snorting last week?
- 169. - Do I?
- Well, buddy boy. Check this out.
- 170. Holy shit! Why didn't you say so.
- 171. Let's pull it over!
- 172. Julie.
- 173. - Hi, Melvin.
- Hi, Julie.
- 174. Come in, don't be shy.
- 175. So, what was it that you
wanted me to help you with?
- 176. - Well, it's about Bozo.
- 177. Yeah, you see, I'm so sick
of the way he goes around
- 178. pushing people around all the time.
- 179. He's so immature.
- 180. In fact, I don't like to
go out with him anymore.
- 181. But I don't know quite
how to tell him.
- 182. In fact, Melvin,
I think you're handsome,
- 183. and sensitive and kind.
- 184. Oh, Melvin, I find
- 185. - Me?
- 186. Melvin, I want to do it with you.
- 187. Do it?
- 188. Do it!
- 189. Do what?
- 190. Do it, Melvin, do it!
- 191. Do it? Okay.
- 192. Wait a minute. Have I got
a great idea, Melvin.
- 193. What is it?
- 194. We'll go down by the pool.
- 195. And afterward we can
take a cool dip.
- 196. Alright.
- 197. There's one other
little thing, Melvin.
- 198. You're not wearing pink.
- 199. - Pink?
- It's my favorite color.
- 200. I have my pink on.
- 201. So, I brought this for you.
- 202. - But this is sissy stuff.
- Oh, no, Melvin. Pink makes me so hot.
- 203. - It does.
- 204. If you put on your pink,
I'll take off my pink.
- 205. - I love pink!
- Hurry up, I'll be waiting for you.
- 206. - And bring your mop.
- I will!
- 207. - Julie?
- Here I am, Melvin.
- 208. It's so dark in here, where
are you? I can't see you
- 209. I'm right here, Melvin. Come here.
- 210. My lips are waiting
for you, Melvin.
- 211. Whoa, put your arms around me.
- 212. Oh, Julie! Julie!
Oh, Julie! I'm here!
- 213. Okay! Turn on the light!
- 214. You're so soft, Julie.
- 215. Baaa.
- 216. Ooh!
- 217. Ooh, he doesn't look
very good to me.
- 218. He's faking it, Julie!
He's faking it.
- 219. I think he's in trouble.
- 220. Julie, this guy, if he can't
take a joke, he stinks.
- 221. Get back! Get back!
Step off! Get back!
- 222. Get out of here!
- 223. Easy, guy.
- 224. Melvin's on fire! Melvin's on fire!
- 225. Melvin, dear, are you alright?
- 226. Is anything the matter?
- 227. God, my arms! Ow! Ow!
- 228. Oh my feet!
- 229. Oh my God!
- 230. Are you okay?
- 231. Melvin, dear, are you alright?
- 232. My little Melvin! He must
have finally reached puberty.
- 233. One. Two.
- 234. Three. Four. Five.
- 235. When we lay this wad
on, old Clancy.
- 236. The boss is going to
have him by the balls.
- 237. I don't think old Clancy
will take the money.
- 238. Everyone says he's an honest cop.
- 239. If he don't take the dough,
I'm gonna give him a blow.
- 240. Ha ha!
- 241. A pair of knuckles.
- 242. Well, if it ain't, Cigar Face. What
are you and your friends up to?
- 243. We brought you a little
present from the boss.
- 244. Here.
- 245. No way. You're wasting your time.
- 246. No. That's where you're wrong.
- 247. You're wasting our time.
- 248. Now we're going to waste you!
- 249. Ow!
- 250. Now you're going to find out
why they call me Cigar Face.
- 251. Get him Nipples, yeah!
- 252. Come on, now. Come on!
- 253. What the matter, Clancy?
- 254. Get him!
- 255. Honest cops are all alike!
A bunch of fuckin' fagots!
- 256. What do you say, shall I
blow his nose off or what?
- 257. Boss says if he doesn't
want to cooperate,
- 258. we should make love to him.
- 259. Well, whatever the boss says, goes.
- 260. No... No, no, please!
Please, oh God, please.
- 261. No, no. No, please. Come on.
I've got a family!
- 262. Say your prayers, copper!
- 263. Holy shit!
- 264. Could that be the, O'Shanahee
boy back from school.
- 265. No! No!
- 266. I'll get you for this,
you monster faggot!
- 267. Don't worry. Don't
worry, I won't hurt you.
- 268. I don't know what came over me.
- 269. I just couldn't control myself.
- 270. I've never done anything
like this before.
- 271. Bye.
- 272. Quiet!
- 273. Quiet!
- 274. Now, you will raise your hand and you
will ask one question at a time.
- 275. Exactly where did it happen?
- 276. It happened in Shinbone Alley.
- 277. These three guys were
going to kill me, see.
- 278. And then of nowhere comes
this thing, this monster,
- 279. I never seen anything
like it before.
- 280. Because it took the three
guys and threw them away.
- 281. I don't know what it was but, but God
bless him, 'cause he saved my life.
- 282. Alright, boys.
- 283. Chief, what have you got?
- 284. That alleyway was the most
gruesome sight I have ever seen.
- 285. Gruesome, huh?
- 286. Have you ever met my mother-in-law?
- 287. Now, that's gruesome
- 288. What about Cigar Face?
- 289. Have we gotten anything
out of him yet?
- 290. He must still be in shock.
All he does is sit around
- 291. all day babbling about
some seven foot monster.
- 292. Yeah, and the only other clue
we've got are those mops,
- 293. stuffed in their mouths.
- 294. Mops... It must be some sort of political
statement. Do we have any suspects?
- 295. Nah, the whole town is suspect. Knuckles
and Nipples were hated by everyone.
- 296. Not by me. They were our
two best producers.
- 297. Speaking of which, I almost forgot.
- 298. The boys made their rounds last
night and here is the collection.
- 299. Yeah, and it would've been
double if it wasn't for this
- 300. devastating tragic turn of events.
- 301. Yeah.
- 302. Slug, will you stop with
that Elephant Man bullshit.
- 303. I am not an animal.
I'm Melvin, the mop boy.
- 304. - Who is it?
- It's me, Ma. Melvin.
- 305. Ma? Ah, Ma!
- 306. Tom. Tom, is he dead?
- 307. Hey, Tom.
- 308. Yeah, over here. Tom, the
zoning board has designated
- 309. the old Rawlins Chemical Plant as
the new toxic waste dump site.
- 310. Now that's contaminated, but
valuable waterfront property.
- 311. We think it's a crime to let that
property go to waste as a dump.
- 312. You are aware, of course, that that
would place our new toxic chemical dump
- 313. just 20 feet from the reservoir
for the entire area.
- 314. Gentlemen, I think we have a deal.
- 315. Here to better living
- 316. Mr. Fred! Mr. Fred, what's
wrong with this thing!
- 317. Alright, everybody!
- 318. Drop your tacos or I'll
blow your brains out!
- 319. Rico, get the cash register!
- 320. Okay, you got it!
- 321. Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.
- 322. We are the entertainment
for this afternoon.
- 323. Now on shotgun, we've
got my man Leroy.
- 324. On cash register we've
got magic fingers, Rico!
- 325. That's me.
- 326. And last but not least,
yours truly Frank.
- 327. On the stick.
- 328. Shut up!
- 329. Now if you all do just
what we tell you,
- 330. you just might, just might get
your asses home all intact.
- 331. Look who we got here!
A little mother, and a littler baby.
- 332. Do you like Mexican
food, little baby?
- 333. Well, How'd you like to
have this hot tamale
- 334. shoved down your throat?
- 335. What are you looking at?
- 336. Hey, Frank, teeny boppers!
- 337. You like video games,
- 338. Your mom give you
quarters for video games?
- 339. Well, cough them up!
- 340. Hey, this one's cute, Frank.
- 341. Look how cute she is, Frank.
- 342. Say, Leroy, I think she likes you.
- 343. Hey, why don't you leave her alone?
- 344. We'll give you our money,
if you want money.
- 345. Hey, look, pal, why don't
you just let everyone go
- 346. and keep me as a hostage, huh?
- 347. Huh?
- 348. That's an idea, ain't it, Frank?
- 349. - Yeah.
- No, thanks.
- 350. Shut up! It was self defense.
- 351. Yo, Leroy, check out this
pretty little thing,
- 352. and the bitch got a dog.
- 353. Hey, wait a minute.
I think this bitch is blind.
- 354. Are you sure she is blind, Frank?
- 355. Yeah, the bitch is blind.
- 356. Ow!
- 357. Hey, what are you doing?
Don't do that!
- 358. Let go of me!
- 359. Yo, Leroy, you want to
walk this damn dog!
- 360. Yeah, sure, Frank.
- 361. Gary?
- 362. Harry! What have you
done to my dog?
- 363. I didn't do anything to
the dog, but listen...
- 364. Gary! Gary!
- 365. You wanna meet my friend, Ben?
- 366. We's make everything alright.
Just let me introduce you to Ben.
- 367. Ben who!
- 368. Ben Dover!
- 369. Hey, Leroy, you know I always did
want to cornhole me a blind bitch.
- 370. Ow!
- 371. I'm going to enjoy this!
- 372. Yeah, it's going to be nice.
- 373. What the shit!
- 374. Okay, you motherfucker!
- 375. No, no, no! We were only kidding!
- 376. What's the matter?
You can't take a joke?
- 377. We were only kidding.
- 378. Please, no!
You can't do this to me!
- 379. No! Please! Please, stop it!
- 380. Stop, no! No!
- 381. No! We were, we were only kidding!
- 382. Please, please don't touch me!
- 383. Please!
- 384. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, it's alright.
I'm not going to hurt you.
- 385. Are you okay?
- 386. Yes, I think so. My dog!
- 387. Those men killed my dog!
They shot my dog!
- 388. Could you take me out
of here, please?
- 389. Please. I'll never make it
by myself without my dog.
- 390. Please.
- 391. Okay, alright, but come on,
let's go out the back way.
- 392. Hey, don't worry, I won't hurt you.
Come on, I'll help you up.
- 393. - Don't trip over the step, Melvin.
- 394. I'd better get my cane.
- 395. Why don't you have a seat?
- 396. There's a place for
you on your left.
- 397. Right over there.
- 398. Ow!
- 399. Would like you like
something to eat?
- 400. Uh-huh.
- 401. Is peanut butter and jelly, okay?
- 402. Uh-huh.
- 403. Good.
- 404. Now, boys, what have we got here?
- 405. Looks like we got a nice crispy
taco supreme over here, chief.
- 406. Looks like I got a a strawberry
thickshake over here.
- 407. What have you got?
- 408. I've got a pizza with
the works to go, Jimmy.
- 409. Chief, it was unbelievable.
It had an eye up over here,
- 410. His nose was twisted to the side.
- 411. Huh?
- 412. It was the strangest thing
I ever saw in my life.
- 413. Sure. But it was a
pink elephant, too.
- 414. I'm telling ya, these guys
were going to kill us.
- 415. It saved our lives. It was a hero.
- 416. A hero!
- 417. This guy is drunk.
- 418. Would you mind if I
touched your face?
- 419. No!
- 420. No? Why not?
I won't hurt you, Melvin.
- 421. It's not that. It's just that
I have a rash on my face.
- 422. A rash? You mean acne?
- 423. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's it.
It's nothing to worry about
- 424. but I wouldn't want
you to touch it.
- 425. You shouldn't be ashamed of acne.
- 426. Everybody's had acne at
one time or another.
- 427. Hey, I know. Would you like
me to tell your fortune?
- 428. Huh?
- 429. I read palms. Give me your hand.
- 430. What big hands you have.
- 431. I bet you're very strong.
- 432. Hmm. Let me see.
You're going to have
- 433. a lot of good things coming
too you in the future.
- 434. You're going to become
a very important man.
- 435. Let me see your other hand.
- 436. Oops! Sorry.
- 437. Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.
- 438. With us this afternoon is,
Dr. Mertyn Snodberger
- 439. from the Garden State State
Cerebral Reflex Research Center.
- 440. Ah, can you tell me, sir,
- 441. is it true that the monster
only attacks bad people?
- 442. Ja. Ja. Since only bad, evil
people have been destroyed
- 443. by the monster, I would have
to answer your question. Ja.
- 444. From traces that have
been found on the scenes
- 445. of the crime, and analyzed,
we have determined
- 446. that whatever it is, this
monster has been exposed
- 447. to toxic chemical waste.
- 448. Achoo!
- 449. It is also highly probable
that this monster may
- 450. have developed a very basic
instinct which draws him,
- 451. or should I say, commands
him to destroy evil.
- 452. That new camera really
captures the moment!
- 453. I know. The reds are so red!
Really get me hot!
- 454. Mr. Mayor?
- 455. Yeah?
- 456. I got today's receipts from
the drug division. Ha ha!
- 457. Good boy, Dennis. Put it
over there on the table.
- 458. Bookie will get to it later.
- 459. Listen, you asshole, how
many times are you going to
- 460. pull that Elephant Man joke?
- 461. Let this be a lesson
to you, hot ass!
- 462. This monster may have developed
a very basic instinct,
- 463. to destroy evil.
- 464. Hey, you! In the alley!
- 465. Hey, knucklehead! How about
some nice young poontang, huh?
- 466. No! No, take me home!
No, take me home!
- 467. No, you lied to me!
- 468. You said you were going to take me
to see the David Bowie concert!
- 469. He's not David Bowie!
- 470. Only twelve years old,
and only twelve dollars!
- 471. Boys! Boys! Help!
- 472. Help, boys! Help!
- 473. And you can tell all your
scum friends that things
- 474. are going to change in this town!
- 475. I'm not just another pretty face!
- 476. Two prime candidates.
- 477. Yeah.
- 478. Rack 'em up!
- 479. - Wow!
- 480. I hear the monster is so big.
- 481. Well, I bet he's got his eye on me.
- 482. For your information, everyone
knows Monster Prefer Blondes!
- 483. There's a feeling going
around town that this monster
- 484. is here to protect the people.
- 485. And the jail's are
- 486. This monster has cleaned the
streets of every criminal.
- 487. Almost all the criminals.
He hasn't gotten us yet.
- 488. What the hell are we going to
do about this monster, eh?
- 489. I'll tell you what we're going
to do. We're going to kill him.
- 490. Because if we don't kill
him, he's going to kill us.
- 491. I owe you for the other
night, monster fagot!
- 492. So now we're going to give
you six new assholes,
- 493. compliments of me, Cigar Face!
- 494. Boom! You should've seen it!
His teeth was everywhere!
- 495. They looked like Chiclets!
- 496. Hey, what are you doing, blondie?
- 497. I'm waiting for my boyfriend.
- 498. She's waiting for her boyfriend.
- 499. Well, maybe I'm going to
be your boyfriend, baby!
- 500. Hey, stop that! My
boyfriend won't like that!
- 501. Maybe we'll have to take care of
that wimp of a boyfriend, huh?
- 502. Melvin! Melvin!
- 503. Melvin!
- 504. Melvin!
- 505. Melvin!
- 506. Yeah, Melvin. What's up, guys?
- 507. Why, Melvin, you're beautiful.
You're a beautiful person.
- 508. You're so muscular. It's been
two years since I touched a man.
- 509. What are you doing to me?
I've never felt like this before.
- 510. Murderer!
- 511. I'm gonna teach you a
lesson you'll never forget!
- 512. No!
- 513. Sorry, madam.
- 514. Open up please, open up!
- 515. Help me! Oh, please
open up! Help me!
- 516. Going up?
- 517. Let me out Let me out!
Please, someone help me!
- 518. Aah! She's stressing me, Slug!
Julie is stressing me, Slug!
- 519. I can't take it!
I cannot take this, Slug!
- 520. She's not here with car
and I've got to drive.
- 521. I gotta drive, Slug!
I gotta drive!
- 522. Alright, already. Alright.
Will you chill out?
- 523. Hey, how would you like
to be behind the wheel
- 524. of a beautiful Japanese import?
- 525. Oh, that would be good!
- 526. Hi, can we help?
- 527. Oh, you sure can.
- 528. Thank you so much.
Oh, it's so nice to have you
- 529. boys like you here
in the neighborhood.
- 530. Oh, what a feeling, today!
- 531. Did you see her face
when I punched her?
- 532. I beat that old lady like a dog!
- 533. Slug, there's that thing again!
- 534. Let's get it!
- 535. Shit! He's on the roof!
He's on the roof!
- 536. Get him off! He's going
to kill both of us!
- 537. Swerve the car, Bozo!
Swerve the car!
- 538. I can't control the car!
- 539. He's still there, swerve it again!
Swerve it again!
- 540. I can't get him off the car, Slug!
I can't get him off!
- 541. Slug, I'm going to die!
- 542. Take the wheel, Slug!
Take the wheel!
- 543. I'm stressed!
- 544. Ah, what?
- 545. What?
- 546. Get out of here!
- 547. No!
- 548. See how you like this
face, huh, Bozo?
- 549. You know who this is?
It's Melvin, that's who it is!
- 550. Hey, hey, hey, what about
the kid on the bike, Bozo?
- 551. How does it feel to hit a
kid on a bike? Feels good!
- 552. I've got problems! I've got
problems! I'm a stressed person!
- 553. No, no!
- 554. Give me the wheel!
- 555. Just give me the wheel!
You'll going to kill both of us!
- 556. You want the wheel?
Here, take the wheel!
- 557. Yoohoo! Mr. Wilson!
- 558. Mrs Haskel, how are you?
- 559. Fine, thank you.
- 560. How are the boys?
- 561. Those boys are such terrors.
- 562. He took his best girl out
last night and he came home
- 563. with these stains,
all over his pants.
- 564. I don't know what they are.
- 565. I don't either.
- 566. Do you think you can get them out?
- 567. My car! They're putting
a ticket on my car!
- 568. Mrs. Haskel, don't move. Don't
move. Stay right where you are.
- 569. I'll be right back.
- 570. You can't give me a ticket! You can't give
me a ticket! I have to go to a funeral...
- 571. Hey, who do you think
- 572. What do you want?
- 573. Stay away from me!
Stay away from me!
- 574. Help! Help! Help! Help!
- 575. Stay away from me!
Stay away from me! Help!
- 576. Help! Help!
- 577. What the...?
- 578. Put me down! I didn't do anything!
- 579. No Dickie here. No washie.
- 580. Please, don't give me a ticket!
Please, don't give me a ticket!
- 581. Okay, Mrs. Haskel, let's see what
we can do with these stains.
- 582. Mrs. Haskel. Mrs. Haskel, what
are you doing back there?
- 583. You know customers are not
allowed on that machine.
- 584. Mrs. Haskel.
- 585. Melvin, is that you?
- 586. Melvin?
- 587. Who's there?
- 588. Who is that?
- 589. It's me, Sarah. Only me.
- 590. You scared me. Is something wrong?
- 591. Everything is wrong.
- 592. What the matter? What have I done?
- 593. No, it's not what you've done.
It's what I've done.
- 594. I think I'm out of control.
- 595. You see, you're blind, Sara.
You don't know who I am.
- 596. I'm really the monster
hero you heard about.
- 597. And everyday I go out
and I mash people.
- 598. I tear them apart and I can't stop.
- 599. You better move back
to your apartment.
- 600. I don't think its safe
for you to be around me.
- 601. Oh, Melvin. I couldn't leave
you now. I love you, Melvin.
- 602. I wish we could go somewhere.
- 603. Yeah, some far away place.
Where there are no people.
- 604. Where I can't kill anybody.
- 605. What about that spot near Millers
farm that you told me about?
- 606. Where you used to go to be alone.
- 607. You said that was a
very special place.
- 608. Well, we could try it.
- 609. Do you think I look
- 610. I'll feel better when
we get to the campsite.
- 611. Mayor, Mayor!
- 612. Chief, look. Our monster made
a little bit of a mistake.
- 613. You can't go around dry
cleaning little old ladies
- 614. the public won't stand for it.
- 615. We can kill him now with
no flack from anybody.
- 616. Nein, nein. Bad news, Mayor,
- 617. That old lady was hardly a
pillar of the community.
- 618. In fact, she can a head of an
international white slavery ring.
- 619. Shit...
- 620. And she had a police
record a mile long.
- 621. We've got to cover this up.
- 622. If it ever gets out to
the press we're sunk.
- 623. And I want you to do me a favor.
Kill that bastard for me! You got it?
- 624. Kill him!
- 625. Yes, mein fuhrer. Mein mayor!
- 626. Ladies and gentlemen, may I
have your attention please.
- 627. Mayor Peter Bellgoode
will now take questions
- 628. from the ladies and
gentlemen of the press.
- 629. Uh, Miss Fink.
- 630. What your administration stance in
regards to this alleged monster?
- 631. Is he a menace or a miracle?
- 632. He's definitely a menace, Miss Fink.
Right now there's a massive
- 633. search underway to find
the thing and destroy it.
- 634. Yes, Mr. Leonard?
- 635. Instead of trying to kill
him, shouldn't we be trying
- 636. to capture him, bring
him in, study him?
- 637. It is not a human being.
It is an it. You kill an it.
- 638. Mr. Mayor. Mr. Mayor.
- 639. Yes, Mr. Williams?
- 640. The victim killed in the dry
cleaners, Mrs, ah, Haskel.
- 641. What's her background?
What do we know about her?
- 642. Mrs. Haskel was a member of our
community for over 30 years.
- 643. Also a member of the PTA.
She had two fine sons.
- 644. Everyone that know her, loved her.
- 645. Question! Question!
Are you certain, Mr. Mayor,
- 646. that the chief Himmel and
the police department
- 647. can handle the situation
- 648. I have the utmost regard for
the chief, and his department.
- 649. As I've said, he's
conducting a massive search
- 650. for the monster right now.
- 651. I want this thing found and
I want this thing killed!
- 652. The mayor has notified the
governor and he's prepared
- 653. to give us all the
assistance we need.
- 654. Should we break out
the heavy weapons?
- 655. Come on, boys.
- 656. I'd be dead right now if
it wasn't for the monster!
- 657. Don't you think you're
being a bit hasty?
- 658. Clancy, you will do as you're
told or you'll find yourself
- 659. walking a beat in the city dump!
- 660. Now I want this thing shot and
I want you to shoot to kill!
- 661. That monster saved my life.
He's done a lot of good for this town.
- 662. Why are they going to kill him?
- 663. We should speak out! Do something!
- 664. Roy, why don't you do
something! Speak out!
- 665. You want me to speak up?
If I speak up,
- 666. I lose my business license.
If I lose my business license,
- 667. I'm dead. Do you
want another shake?
- 668. No! I want them not
to kill the monster.
- 669. I want us to do something!
- 670. Listen, Johnny, you're just a kid.
- 671. People can't go around doing
things just because they're right.
- 672. We have to leave these
decisions up to the mayor
- 673. - and the police chief.
- That's right.
- 674. But why would the mayor
want to destroy something
- 675. that does more good than
the entire police force?
- 676. No offense.
- 677. I know how you feel, Johnny,
he saved my life too.
- 678. But us, little guys, are just not
qualified to make these decisions.
- 679. That's why he's the mayor.
- 680. Right?
- 681. We're gonna find that bastard, now.
Come on. Come on, girl!
- 682. Heel. Come on.
- 683. My first day on the force
and I'm chasing monsters!
- 684. The dogs got a scent!
- 685. I'm missing the ball
game for this bullshit!
- 686. We ain't going to find
no monster out here,
- 687. all we're going to find is a bunch of
mosquitoes biting my fuckin' asshole!
- 688. Shut your fuckin' mouth!
- 689. Hold on a second,
I think I see something.
- 690. You don't see nothing but a couple
- 691. of campers humping each other.
Come on, let's go home!
- 692. Holy shit! It's the monster!
- 693. Oh, sure!
- 694. And he's got a bimbo with him!
- 695. Oh, he's got your Mama with him!
- 696. And she's wearing a bikini! Wow!
- 697. Wait, let me see!
- 698. Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
- 699. Come on, let's go tell the chief!
I'm going to get me a medal for this!
- 700. Mayor! Mayor! Mayor!
- 701. The monster has been sighted
in a field near Miller farm.
- 702. That's wonderful!
- 703. I'll have the National Guard
meet us out there in full force.
- 704. You leave now!
- 705. Ja!
- 706. Hello, Mr. Governor,
how are you, sir?
- 707. Fine, just fine.
- 708. Governor, I need your help, sir.
- 709. It's about this monster that's
been terrorizing my town.
- 710. The local authorities can no
longer handle the situation.
- 711. That's why I need your help.
- 712. The National Guard?
- 713. I was hoping you'd say
that, so we can kill it.
- 714. Capture it? Well, I was
thinking the very same thing.
- 715. Yes, capture would be fine.
Uh-huh. Well, thank you, Governor.
- 716. Talk to you soon. Goodbye, sir.
- 717. Capture, my ass!
- 718. I don't like the way
this is going sargent.
- 719. I know.
- 720. The little people think he's
done a lot for this town.
- 721. Oh, my God! They're calling
in the National Guard!
- 722. Oh, look at all those men!
- 723. Oh, I hope they don't
hurt the monster.
- 724. Monster, they aught to give
him a medal, not kill him.
- 725. They're going to nuke him!
They're going to nuke the monster!
- 726. - They found the monster!
- He's at the Miller Farm!
- 727. They're going to kill him!
- 728. Holy cow! We can't let him die!
- 729. Let's go!
- 730. Out of the way!
- 731. Stand aside.
- 732. Tent's in the clearing, Mayor.
My troops have it surrounded.
- 733. We think he's still asleep.
- 734. Fine, we'll move in
and wipe him out.
- 735. You can't do that, Mayor.
I've rechecked with headquarters
- 736. They want us to take him
alive, not kill him.
- 737. Your in charge, Pete.
Come on, give the orders!
- 738. Mr. Mayor, please, please,
think of what you are doing!
- 739. There's an innocent
girl in there with him!
- 740. Just one life for the whole town!
- 741. But, Mr Mayor, you
- 742. He saved my life!
He doesn't deserve to die!
- 743. Shut up!
- 744. Now you don't understand the seriousness
of this situation here, boy!
- 745. How dare you discuss my son's
life or death like this.
- 746. I'm Melvin's mother.
He's a good boy.
- 747. He's never hurt anybody!
- 748. Silence! Silence!
The orders have been given!
- 749. It is our destiny to
follow the orders!
- 750. You in the tent, come
out with your hands up!
- 751. You are surrounded!
- 752. The minute he comes out, kill him.
- 753. - I'm coming with you.
- No, you're not.
- 754. You've got to stay here.
- 755. No, I can't let you do it! He's a hero.
I can't let you do it! I can't let you do it!
- 756. Don't shoot him! Don't shoot!
- 757. If you want to shoot my son,
you'll have to shoot me first!
- 758. Okay, lads. Get these
kids out of there!
- 759. It's okay, Mom. Kids.
- 760. Shoot it!
- 761. Run! Run!
- 762. Fire!
- 763. No, I won't do it.
- 764. These kids are right.
- 765. Captain, have your men fire!
- 766. No, I can't.
- 767. Shoot them! You shoot!
- 768. Fire!
- 769. Melvin!
- 770. Alright, I'll do it myself!
- 771. No!
- 772. You touch me again
and I'll kill you!
- 773. Get away from me!
- 774. Get away from me!
- 775. No! Ah, get away from me!
- 776. Leave me alone!
Look, I'll make you a deal!
- 777. I'll give you 10%, anything,
just leave alone!
- 778. Don't hurt me!
I'm too young to die!
- 779. Please don't hurt me!
- 780. Please!
- 781. You fat slob, let's see
if you have any guts!
- 782. Officer O'Clancy, take
care of this toxic waste.
- 783. Melvin!
- 784. Sarah!
- 785. Melvin!
- 786. Sara!
- 787. Melvin! Ah!
- 788. Sarah!
- 789. Melvin!
- 790. Sarah!
- 791. Melvin?
- 792. Sarah!
- 793. So, Melvin, the monster hero, rid
Tromaville of all of it's evils,
- 794. so the good citizens could live
their lives in peace and happiness.
- 795. And the next time you're in
danger or in need to help,
- 796. look to the horizon and
maybe, just maybe...
- 797. The Toxic Avenger will be there.