The Substance (2024)

1. Happy birthday, thank you.

2. Happy birthday.

3. Oh, thank you.

4. Happy birthday.

5. Thank you.

6. I don't care if every fucking young girl

7. in this fucking town

8. in the next few weeks.

9. Look, I made it simple.

10. We need her young.

11. We need her hot.

12. We need her now.

13. How the old bitch has been able to stick

14. around for this long.

15. That's the fucking mystery to me.

16. Oh, Oscar winner, my ass.

17. When was that back in the 30s?

18. What, for King Kong?

19. No, I don't give a

20. fuck what we promised her.

21. This is network TV,

22. not a fucking charity.

23. Find me somebody new.

24. Now.

25. Hey, did you know that a woman's

26. fertility starts to

27. decrease by the age of 25?

28. How old is Jennifer?

29. You better get busy.

30. It's like when you see

31. someone fart on screen.

32. People just love that.

33. I mean, that's just the way it is.

34. So you know what I mean?

35. People are just people.

36. And I have to give people what they want.

37. That's what keeps the shareholders happy.

38. And people always ask for something new.

39. Renewal is inevitable.

40. And at 50, well, it stops.

41. What stops?

42. What?

43. What stops?

44. Um, you know, the um...

45. The um...

46. The um...

47. Oh, George!

48. Oh, oh!

49. I'm sorry, I gotta run.

50. Harvey!

51. George, those ratings are insane!

52. You're a genius!

53. Oh, what a mess. You're a genius.

54. That's why you'd be drinking.

55. Oh, that's hilarious.

56. Well, it's your lucky day, Miss Sparkle,

57. because we have

58. X-rayed you from head to toe,

59. and you don't have so

60. much as a crap molar.

61. So, you are good to go.

62. Uh, vaccination, okay?

63. Not going on a vacation.

64. By the way, I just want to

65. say, my wife is a huge fan.

66. Um, blood type...

67. Oh, hey, it's your birthday.

68. Happy birthday.

69. Oh, uh, that's an emergency, I'm sorry.

70. I, uh, had to have a...

71. Bye.

72. One moment.

73. It's just one last exam to perform.

74. I thought he said I was good to go.

75. Is there a problem?

76. No, it's perfect.

77. You're a good candidate.

78. I mean, are you good to go?

79. I wish you the best.

80. Lizzie?

81. Lizzie Sparkle?

82. Oh my God, I can't believe it.

83. Fred!

84. Fred, from 10th grade homeroom!

85. Oh, Fred, of course.

86. You haven't changed a bit.

87. You're still the most beautiful girl in

88. the whole wide world.

89. You know, I followed your career.

90. What a success.

91. I mean, wow, wow, wow.

92. Wow.

93. Hey, why don't we go out maybe for a

94. drink sometime now that

95. we're, you know, reconnected?

96. Um...

97. Oh, of course, I'm stupid.

98. You're super busy.

99. But you know what?

100. Why don't you give me your card?

101. I mean, you never help.

102. Um, sure, what I...

103. This will do.

104. Oh.

105. Don't look at my cholesterol levels.

106. They're a disaster.

107. Oh, God.

108. What is that?

109. There.

110. Now you've got it.

111. Music

112. Have you ever dreamt of a

113. better version of yourself?

114. Younger.

115. More beautiful.

116. More perfect.

117. One single injection unlocks your DNA,

118. starting a new cellular

119. division that will release

120. another version of yourself.

121. This is the substance.

122. You are the matrix.

123. Everything comes from you.

124. And everything is you.

125. This is simply a

126. better version of yourself.

127. You just have to share.

128. One week for one and

129. one week for the other.

130. A perfect balance of seven days each.

131. The one and only thing not to forget.

132. You are one.

133. You can't escape from yourself.

134. Music music

135. music

136. music

137. music

138. music

139. Yes.

140. Hello.

141. I'd like to order.

142. Address.

143. 1057 Beverly Canyon.

144. Write this down.

145. 35 North Byron Alley.

146. 35 North.

147. Phone ringing

148. coughing

149. coughing

150. water running

151. music

152. water running

153. coughing

154. water running

155. music

156. water running

157. music

158. music

159. music

160. dog barking

161. music

162. music

163. music

164. coughing

165. music

166. coughing music

167. coughing

168. music music

169. music

170. music music

171. music music

172. music

173. music

174. music

175. music

176. You are the matrix.

177. Everything comes from

178. you, and everything is you.

179. This is simply a

180. better version of yourself.

181. Hello.

182. Thanks.

183. We'll let you know by next week.

184. Thank you so much.

185. I'm just dying to get the part.

186. Great dancer.

187. Hmm, too bad her

188. boobs aren't in the middle

189. of her instead of the nose.

190. Next!

191. Looks like everything sure is in the

192. right place this time.

193. Please say your name, age, measurements.

194. I'm Sue.

195. I'm Sue.

196. Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue.

197. Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue.

198. Where is she?

199. Where is she?

200. What a gorgeous little angel.

201. You're hired.

202. We want a show that's just like you.

203. Beautiful and happy.

204. People want to be happy.

205. We air in two weeks,

206. so let's get to work.

207. I'm gonna let you organize

208. the rest with my assistant.

209. Isabella?

210. Is-is-isis.

211. Who has time to say that?

212. We're gonna make you Cindy.

213. It's shorter, it's better.

214. So, I'm gonna let you

215. organize everything else with Cindy.

216. Oh, um, before you go,

217. I just have to mention

218. a small scheduling issue.

219. I have to be out of town every other week

220. to take care of my

221. mother, who's very sick.

222. I want you for this

223. show, and we will work around

224. any mother, brother, fucking sick,

225. puppy you need to take care of.

226. Hmm?

227. Hmm.

228. Gorgeous, with a pure heart.

229. People are gonna love that.

230. Perfect.

231. So you jump out, touch your elbows,

232. head down, contract.

233. And five, six, seven, eight, elbows.

234. Where have you been?

235. I've all been wanting

236. to have a drink with you

237. for your departure.

238. Anyway, we all chipped in

239. and we got you just a little

240. something to keep you busy.

241. It's French.

242. My wife, she's for her spire.

243. Oh, I don't want my wife.

244. Oops, I gotta run.

245. But it's always great to see you.

246. The antelope and the deer moving about

247. are going through the text.

248. The antelope with remotes.

249. I cannot believe the

250. incredible price for $49.98.

251. God dammit, they have the phone

252. and it's such a great night.

253. Open up.

254. We gotta open up.

255. And uh, sorry.

256. I thought that Ms. Sparkle.

257. She moved out.

258. I'm the new tenant.

259. Sue.

260. Oliver.

261. Oliver.

262. Oliver.

263. You wanted to complain about something?

264. Oliver?

265. What?

266. No.

267. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

268. I think it's like

269. awesome when there's stuff

270. going on in the

271. building, you know what I mean?

272. Um, I'm actually,

273. quite handy if you ever need,

274. need me to be of aid in any way.

275. I got a sack of tools

276. and I got a big hammer.

277. You know what I mean.

278. Anyways, I live right here,

279. so you know where to find me.

280. Anytime.

281. Day or night.

282. Later.

283. Hi everybody.

284. I'm Sue and it's time to pump it up.

285. Are you ready?

286. Let's go.

287. Thank you so much everybody.

288. I'll see you next week.

289. And in the meantime,

290. take care of yourself.

291. Courtesy!

292. Wonderful, wonderful.

293. I won't be out late, so just wait for me.

294. Don't eat too fast.

295. Are you all right?

296. Yes, I'll be right back.

297. Are you all right?

298. What did you do?

299. You've seen me the more

300. beautiful than before.

301. No.

302. Yes.

303. Yes, hi.

304. This is Elizabeth Sparkle.

305. I'm 503.

306. Yes.

307. Yes, hi.

308. There's been a slight

309. misuse of the substance.

310. A few extra hours were accidentally used

311. causing an alteration.

312. So I'm just looking for

313. the procedure to reverse it.

314. What has been used on one

315. side is lost on the other side.

316. There's no going back.

317. No, I don't know what she was thinking.

318. And obviously she was drunk.

319. Remember there is no she and you.

320. You are one.

321. Respect the balance

322. and you won't have

323. any more inconveniences.

324. Don't you know

325. Don't you know

326. You got to pump it up

327. Don't you know

328. Don't you know

329. You got to pump it up

330. You got to pump it up

331. You got to pump it up

332. You got to pump it up

333. You got to pump it up

334. Sue!

335. Sue?

336. I just saw you on TV.

337. Holy moly.

338. Makes me want to join your class.

339. Hey, you don't give

340. private lessons, do you?

341. Hey, what about a

342. drink at my place tonight?

343. Come on, don't be shy.

344. I see you standing behind

345. the door there, gorgeous.

346. All right, take your

347. time, but it's a date.

348. You know, pump it up

349. You got to pump it up

350. You know, pump it up

351. You got to pump it up

352. Sue.

353. What can I get you?

354. Moka Latte.

355. It's long, isn't it?

356. Excuse me?

357. Seven days.

358. Did you follow me here?

359. I was just curious to find out

360. how things were going for you.

361. Each time you feel a little

362. more lonely, don't you think?

363. I don't know what you were talking about.

364. I'm fine.

365. Everything's fine.

366. It gets harder each time to remember

367. that you still deserve to exist.

368. That this part of

369. yourself is still worth something

370. that you still matter.

371. Has she started yet?

372. Eating away at you?

373. Fuck!

374. Watch out!

375. What?

376. Hey!

377. Move!

378. You're still the most beautiful girl

379. in the whole wide world.

380. Hello?

381. Hi, Fred.

382. It's Lizzie.

383. Hello?

384. Sorry, I mean, I'm a chalk.

385. Oh.

386. Wow.

387. Wow, wow.

388. I thought I'd never

389. hear from you again after...

390. Oh gosh, no, no, not at all.

391. I just, I've just

392. been really busy lately.

393. So listen, I was thinking that

394. maybe we could get

395. together and grab a drink.

396. Are you still there?

397. Sorry, I'm in shock.

398. I'm in shock again.

399. I could book Luigi's at eight.

400. Eight in Luigi's?

401. It is.

402. I will see you tonight.

403. Bye.

404. Okay, bye.

405. Hi everybody.

406. Hi.

407. Okay, here we go everyone.

408. Clear the set please.

409. First positions, thank you.

410. Roll cameras.

411. And in three, two, one.

412. Squat, squat, squat.

413. Circle those hips.

414. Circle those hips.

415. Contract, contract, contract,

416. contract, contract, contract.

417. Contract, between your legs.

418. Cut.

419. I'm sorry, I thought I, thought I, I,

420. I just got distracted.

421. Not a problem, let's

422. get right back to it.

423. Back to one please.

424. Sorry, it's the control room now.

425. The director said he saw something

426. bizarre on the monitor.

427. Bring up the replay on camera two.

428. Camera two.

429. Forward.

430. Can I have my dressing gown?

431. Sorry, it's in your dressing room.

432. But I go and get it.

433. Let's just take this frame by frame.

434. I need five minutes.

435. Yes.

436. This balance is not working.

437. I barely have any time to enjoy myself

438. while she wastes seven days

439. stuffing her face in front of the TV.

440. Remember there is no she and you.

441. I love everybody.

442. What's happening?

443. Where is everybody?

444. The TV's been canceled.

445. What, why?

446. Sue.

447. Harvey wants to see you

448. in his office immediately.

449. Okay.

450. I'll go change him.

451. No, he said now.

452. I'll get right to the bond.

453. We can't keep you on the morning show.

454. But why?

455. I just started.

456. Ratings are through the roof.

457. We started at 42.

458. Now we're up to like...

459. 216.

460. It's phenomenal.

461. People love you.

462. They adore you.

463. They want more and more and more of you.

464. That is why we have

465. decided that we want you

466. to host the New Year's Eve show.

467. You mean the...

468. The network's biggest show.

469. 50 million viewers live.

470. You can't go higher than that.

471. That's gonna be intense.

472. We only have a few more. So are you in?

473. If you don't open the

474. door and opportunity knocks,

475. you won't get another chance.

476. You of all people know this.

477. Just one more day and

478. then I have a whole week off.

479. We can switch.

480. We're doing the cover of Vogue.

481. Just one more day, okay?

482. Yes. She didn't respect the balance.

483. She's stealing more

484. and more time from me,

485. completely without

486. consideration of the consequences.

487. She's a selfish bitch.

488. Would you like to stop?

489. Stop.

490. You are the Matrix.

491. If you are not satisfied,

492. you can put an end to the experience

493. and go back to being

494. just you on your own.

495. Would you like to stop?

496. Will it go back to the way it was before?

497. What has been

498. transferred won't come back,

499. but you can stop the experience.

500. As of now, would you like to stop?

501. To go back to being just you on your own?

502. No.

503. No, no, no.

504. I can't stop.

505. She just...

506. I did it.

507. I did it.

508. I did it. I did it.

509. The balance just needs to be respected.

510. So respected.

511. Stop it, stop it, stop

512. it, stop it, stop it.

513. You are the Matrix.

514. Well,

515. congratulations, you've won $25,000.

516. We're standing on our final chance

517. and it's your second question

518. in our big question

519. round and play for $250,000.

520. And you'll have just 45

521. seconds to come up to get

522. the correct answer that you can't...

523. Just a little something to keep you busy.

524. Fuck.

525. Boss.

526. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, she is here.

527. The superstar of the moment, Sue.

528. Are you ready?

529. Let's welcome her, Sue.

530. You popped up nowhere on

531. our screens like a tornado.

532. I don't think anybody was

533. really prepared for this world.

534. It all started with the morning show

535. and rumor has it that you are

536. up for Tom Grant's next movie.

537. Wait, just a moment.

538. I'm being told that you are going to host

539. the New Year's Eve show.

540. Can you confirm this?

541. Yes, that's right.

542. Yes, that's right.

543. Oh my God, that is huge news.

544. Tell us a little bit about yourself.

545. Where are you from?

546. How did you get discovered?

547. I want, we want to know everything.

548. Well, I mean, there's

549. really not very much to tell.

550. I'm just a girl from a

551. very small town in Indiana.

552. I'm sure that you've never heard of it.

553. In fact, it's not even a town.

554. I'm not sure you could

555. really even call it a village.

556. It's a farm, perhaps?

557. But ever since I can remember,

558. it has always been my

559. dream to be on screen.

560. This is my dream.

561. As a child, I used to

562. put on shows for my family.

563. Mm, your family.

564. How sweet.

565. So, everyone is aware that

566. you replaced Elizabeth Sparkle.

567. And no doubt about it, you stepped in,

568. you turned up the volume,

569. and you rocked their world.

570. Were you a fan of her show?

571. Um, well, well, I can't, uh,

572. I can't really say that I

573. actually watched her show.

574. You do know that we're not exactly from

575. the same generation.

576. And you have to admit, it

577. was a bit old-fashioned.

578. Jurassic Fitness, really.

579. Jurassic Fitness, it needed a change.

580. I'll fucking show you.

581. You really wanna see

582. some Jurassic Fitness?

583. You want it?

584. Come on, come get your

585. fucking Jurassic Fitness!

586. But my mother was a huge fan of hers.

587. So, every morning, rain or shine,

588. Sparkle, your life, was on TV.

589. So, in a way, I grew up with her.

590. Whether I liked it or not.

591. I guess that's why you could say

592. we have some sort of connection.

593. Some sort of connection.

594. You wouldn't exist without me.

595. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

596. It is time, ladies and

597. gentlemen, for our final question.

598. The question that we ask each

599. and every one of our guests.

600. Okay.

601. Would you share one of your

602. little beauty secrets with us?

603. Just one little trick of yours

604. that helps you look

605. so incredibly stunning.

606. I mean, look at you.

607. I don't know.

608. Say it!

609. Say it!

610. Let me think.

611. Say it!

612. Tell them who your

613. little beauty secret is!

614. I guess, I would just

615. show them right here.

616. Here's your little beauty secret.

617. I guess I just try to be myself.

618. To be sincere and

619. grateful for all that I have.

620. And to always remember

621. to leave with my heart.

622. Oh, I'm here at the sweetheart center.

623. I just, oh, I try to be myself.

624. Stop it!

625. Stop it.

626. You're taking it from me.

627. That's your little secret.

628. Stop it!

629. You have to control yourself!

630. I can't go back, I forgot.

631. Oh, shit.

632. Gross old rat.

633. Stop it!

634. Coming to bed?

635. Yes, I'll be right there.

636. Yes.

637. Hi, hi, this is emergency.

638. There's no more stabilizer fluid.

639. Hello?

640. It's fucking 503.

641. Yes.

642. Fuck!

643. I'm telling you, this is urgent.

644. There's no more stabilizer fluid.

645. It means you've reached the end.

646. What do you mean the end?

647. You've drained it all out.

648. If you want more, you must

649. let the fluid regenerate.

650. Tell me how to do it.

651. I need to stabilize myself right now.

652. You simply have to switch.

653. Excuse me?

654. The switch reboots the

655. fluid secretion process

656. so you can continue to

657. enjoy the experience.

658. No, no, no, no, no.

659. I can't switch, I can't.

660. Especially not now.

661. There is no other option.

662. Sue?

663. Babe?

664. Sue?

665. You all right?

666. Should I start out tomorrow?

667. Babe?

668. Babe?

669. Sue?

670. Is something wrong?

671. You look cranky because

672. you're related business.

673. Sue, open the door.

674. Come on, Sue.

675. Sue, funny, I need to take a picture.

676. Sue, open the door.

677. Open the door, Sue, come on.

678. Come on.

679. Guys!

680. What the fuck?

681. The fuck out!

682. Who's this? Who the fuck is that?

683. Leave me alone!

684. What the fuck?

685. Doorbell

686. Yes?

687. It's 503.

688. I want to stop.

689. Are you sure? Once you

690. stop, you can't go back.

691. I want to stop! I want to fucking stop!

692. I want to stop!

693. We'll deliver.

694. Panting

695. Speaking in foreign language

696. Screaming

697. Screaming

698. Screaming

699. Are you sure?

700. Once you stop, you can't go back.

701. You will simply remain on your own.

702. Just on your own.

703. Just on your own.

704. Shut the fuck up! Breathing heavily

705. Music

706. Screaming

707. Okay.

708. I can't do this.

709. I need you.

710. I need myself.

711. You gotta get ready. It's our big night.

712. Come on. They're gonna love you so much.

713. Come on.

714. Come on.

715. You're the only lovable part

716. of me. You have to come back.

717. You have to come back. Come back.

718. Panting

719. Okay. Okay.

720. Grunting

721. Come on.

722. Come on.

723. Grunting

724. Come on.

725. Grunting

726. Gasping

727. Grunting

728. Gasping

729. Grunting

730. Gasping

731. Grunting

732. Screaming

733. Grunting

734. Grunting

735. Grunting

736. Grunting

737. Grunting

738. Grunting

739. Grunting

740. Screaming

741. Music

742. Screaming

743. Grunting

744. workout rumbling

745. minimumy revenues

746. rolls dice

747. Oh, don't!

748. You guys know what happened, makeup?

749. Here, we gotta get you the pinning room.

750. We have one final test on

751. stage, lighting a sound.

752. We have it in, I'll type it for the show.

753. You got it?

754. You good?

755. Okay, let's go.

756. Grab it.

757. One more.

758. There you go.

759. You good?

760. You gonna dance, lads?

761. I'm gonna be right back, sorry.

762. They need to see you on

763. stage with the satellites.

764. Have you ever dreamt

765. of a better version of yourself?

766. More beautiful, more perfect.

767. Tim?

768. Yes, let me meet you there.

769. Okay, so I'll wait for you on stage.

770. Sue?

771. Let me introduce you to the shareholders.

772. They have been dying to meet you.

773. Is everything okay?

774. So smile.

775. That's what we want tonight.

776. Pretty girls should always smile.

777. Bathers, blathers, blathers.

778. Hey, you ready for tonight?

779. Would you be the

780. better version of myself?

781. Please give me a better

782. version of myself, please.

783. Please.

784. Come on.

785. Jesus.

786. Looks like everything sure is in the

787. right place this time.

788. Please say your name, age, measurements.

789. Pretty girls should always smile.

790. At last, we're starting to worry.

791. Hurry up, you're up in five.

792. There she is, so beautiful.

793. We love you.

794. This is where you belong.

795. You always belong here.

796. We can't do it without you.

797. We'll never do it without you.

798. Who would you replace them all?

799. Oh.

800. Girls, come on, let's go.

801. Let's go, what are we waiting for?

802. Okay, come on, everybody,

803. let's go, let's go, let's go.

804. You will not be disappointed.

805. She's my most beautiful creation.

806. I have shaped her for success.

807. Five, four, three, two, one.

808. The monster!

809. Shoot the monster!

810. It's a freak!

811. The monster!

812. Don't be a bird.

813. Monster!

814. You're stupid.

815. It's real.

816. I'm a little bit, I'm a little bit.

817. Freak!

818. Freak, monster, monster!

819. It's me.

820. It's me.

821. I'm just kidding.

822. Too bad her boobs aren't

823. in the middle of her face

824. instead of that nose.

825. Hmm.

826. Next!

827. Pretty girls should always smile.

828. I have 50.

829. It stops.

830. I love you.

831. I love you.

832. You're a place of all.