1. You are about to witness a murder.
My murder.Copy !req
2. Alfred!Copy !req
3. Why was I stabbed in the chest?Copy !req
4. Did I know too much?Copy !req
5. Did I know too little?Copy !req
6. Did I know just enough?Copy !req
7. Or was it my shower cap?Copy !req
8. It all began three short days ago
in Los Angeles, California.Copy !req
9. It was a day like any other day.Copy !req
10. Can't we all just get along?Copy !req
11. Hey, hey, hey excuse me, hey, Rodney.Copy !req
12. Hey, could you give me
another take of that?Copy !req
13. Last time I shot it,
it was too dark.Copy !req
14. It was night, remember?Copy !req
15. - Thank you.
- Hey!Copy !req
16. Stop where you are!Copy !req
17. We're going to take 'em down!Copy !req
18. Dead or alive!Copy !req
19. No more "Mr. Nice Guy"!Copy !req
20. Tell me, don't die!Copy !req
21. Tell me quick, who was it, who was it?Copy !req
22. It was—
Who was it?Copy !req
23. It was The Gimp.Copy !req
24. These are the feet
of rookie FBI agent Jo Dee Fostar.Copy !req
25. He is in heavy training
for his first big case.Copy !req
26. FBI rookies get the
finest training equipment.Copy !req
27. Thank you, Jo.Copy !req
28. Pleasure.Copy !req
29. See you tomorrow!Copy !req
30. Morning, Jo.Copy !req
31. Morning, George.Copy !req
32. Still running, I see.Copy !req
33. Sure.Copy !req
34. I used to run for office.Copy !req
35. Now you run to office.Copy !req
36. What's so funny?
I didn't get it.Copy !req
37. - Oh, it's nothing.
- You want some?Copy !req
38. Oh, thank you, I got my own.Copy !req
39. Ah, go for it.Copy !req
40. Good Morning, Jo.Copy !req
41. Morning, Bill, how's it going?Copy !req
42. Fine, fine.Copy !req
43. "Dawn of the Dead" is it?Copy !req
44. I see the presidential escort is out,
but where's the president?Copy !req
45. - He's right here.
- Here?Copy !req
46. I only see her husband.Copy !req
47. What's so funny?Copy !req
48. What's he blowing so hard for?Copy !req
49. You know he doesn't inhale.Copy !req
50. And no one in the US of A will inhale
after I tax the air they breathe.Copy !req
51. What do you mean by that?Copy !req
52. This is the way you thank me after I
save your ass from Saddam's killers?Copy !req
53. Those missiles cost money, you know?Copy !req
54. Who's going to pay for that?Copy !req
55. Halt!Copy !req
56. - You Jo Dee Fostar?
- How do you know?Copy !req
57. 30 years out on the job he wants to know.Copy !req
58. The boss wants you!Copy !req
59. - The boss wants—
- And where in hell have you been?Copy !req
60. - I went outside on—
- Shut up!Copy !req
61. I didn't authorize you to speak!Copy !req
62. - Can I say one thing?
- Why? Sure.Copy !req
63. Okay, now look—Copy !req
64. Shut up!Copy !req
65. Unbelievable, have you read this?Copy !req
66. Guy can go out and get
a sex change one day.Copy !req
67. And the next he comes into the office
and we're supposed to call him madam.Copy !req
68. Unbelievable.Copy !req
69. Never mind him.Copy !req
70. Remember, here you not only got to know how
to talk, you got to know how to listen!Copy !req
71. After all, this is...Copy !req
72. the FBI!Copy !req
73. Jo followed the sergeant
to a division of the FBI...Copy !req
74. who deal only with the
most violent criminals.Copy !req
75. The game is up lady.Copy !req
76. We have had you followed and
we know what you're about.Copy !req
77. Miss Sharon Bone, cut
the crap and come clean!Copy !req
78. I told you what happened that day.Copy !req
79. I have nothing else to say.Copy !req
80. Sharon Bone, you're lying.Copy !req
81. Stop pulling our legs!Copy !req
82. If Jo thought this was going
to be a routine assignment...Copy !req
83. he was in for a big surprise.Copy !req
84. Now wait here boy, and stay put!Copy !req
85. Remember, learning how to wait
is one of the secrets of the FBI!Copy !req
86. His boss, Inspector Putrid, was a man of
energy and passion who held nothing in.Copy !req
87. Hi, Jo.Copy !req
88. Sorry to keep you waiting.Copy !req
89. I don't feel too good.Copy !req
90. Must've eaten something to upset my
intestines. Could have been those oysters.Copy !req
91. Fried the shell with Mexican
refried beans, onions, paprika...Copy !req
92. peanut oil, dates, okra,
jalapenos, a touch of Ginger.Copy !req
93. Not now, Ginger.Copy !req
94. Boy, I feel down in the dumps!Copy !req
95. Speaking of dumps, that's the sixth time
today I've ridden the old porcelain pony.Copy !req
96. Anyway, the mission I'm entrusting
to you is very delicate.Copy !req
97. It's a dirty job.Copy !req
98. It really stinks,
because the killer is a psychopath.Copy !req
99. Extremely, extremely dangerous man.Copy !req
100. In order to get the most accurate
information possible...Copy !req
101. we decided to question all prison
inmates who have the same hang-up.Copy !req
102. What conclusions have you found?Copy !req
103. There are no psychopathic
inmates in the entire US of A.Copy !req
104. That's too bad.
I would've given $10,000 to meet one.Copy !req
105. Oh, here's one!
Found him!Copy !req
106. I just remembered that I have one
up in the Hollywood Nuthouse.Copy !req
107. Pay up, Jo.Copy !req
108. Boss, come on now.
It's just a figure of speech.Copy !req
109. Settle down, boy.Copy !req
110. Close the door.Copy !req
111. Close the door!Copy !req
112. Now you remember, boy, we don't use
figures of speech around here.Copy !req
113. You belong to the FB—Copy !req
114. Thank God he missed my car.Copy !req
115. $10,000.Copy !req
116. This man is smart as a gorilla.Copy !req
117. He's strong as a fox!Copy !req
118. You be careful.Copy !req
119. Thanks, boss.Copy !req
120. Jo, I am sick of sneaking
around during my lunch break.Copy !req
121. Either we get married or no more pokey.Copy !req
122. Jane, marrying you is my dream,
but right now times are hard.Copy !req
123. Yeah, I can see how hard they are.Copy !req
124. Oh, but darling, money isn't everything.Copy !req
125. I can get by on your cash flow.Copy !req
126. Jane, let's not touch that
subject for the moment.Copy !req
127. - Oh.
- Lunch is over.Copy !req
128. We got to get back to the office.Copy !req
129. Jo, you're the longest boyfriend
I've had here in Los Angeles...Copy !req
130. but I can't take it anymore.Copy !req
131. I want respectability.Copy !req
132. I want a house with a white picket fence.Copy !req
133. I want children parked in the garage.Copy !req
134. I want a station wagon
playing in the yard.Copy !req
135. Wait, what are you trying to tell me?
You want to leave me?Copy !req
136. You know this is a delicate moment.
I have to finish my FBI training course.Copy !req
137. They just assigned me to
a very important case...Copy !req
138. that could launch my career
and you want me to marry you.Copy !req
139. Knowing I just got a divorce.Copy !req
140. All right, she was my mother,
but she's still a woman.Copy !req
141. And she loves me.Copy !req
142. Which reminds me, I have to pay alimony.Copy !req
143. Which I can't do because I don't have
any money. Don't you see my dilemma?Copy !req
144. No, of course you don't.Copy !req
145. Nope, you don't understand.Copy !req
146. Or you don't want to understand.Copy !req
147. No, you don't want to
understand and you're selfish.Copy !req
148. You don't understand, you're selfish,
and you're inconsiderate.Copy !req
149. You don't understand, you're selfish,
inconsiderate and, and...Copy !req
150. I'm sorry, you're sick and tired
of hearing this aren't you?Copy !req
151. You must leave, darling.Copy !req
152. Ooh, Jo, I've never seen
you so mighty before.Copy !req
153. It's nothing.Copy !req
154. I always get this way when I'm in the act
of solving a case.Copy !req
155. I'll give you a lift.Copy !req
156. That's okay, I can catch
the bus right outside.Copy !req
157. Jo was nervous.Copy !req
158. His investigation had to begin
at the Hollywood Nuthouse.Copy !req
159. There it was, ominous and intimidating.Copy !req
160. Jo needed to proceed with caution.Copy !req
161. And above all, not lose
sight of his objective.Copy !req
162. Good evening. FBI, I have an appointment.Copy !req
163. It was a tough prison.Copy !req
164. Inmates were released only if they
consented to medical experiments.Copy !req
165. Okay, malicious Mel.Copy !req
166. Here are your personal affects.Copy !req
167. Must be pretty excited to be getting
out of here after 30 years, huh?Copy !req
168. This one just had cosmetic surgery.Copy !req
169. Thank you, see you later!Copy !req
170. Bye bye now.Copy !req
171. The man you want to see is in this wing.Copy !req
172. Good luck.Copy !req
173. Master, master, why do I
have such an ugly face?Copy !req
174. Here, kiss this, it'll make you prettier!Copy !req
175. Oh, it's alive, its alive!Copy !req
176. Buddy, you better be real careful.Copy !req
177. Dr. Animal is very dangerous.Copy !req
178. His intelligence goes beyond
the borders of the human mind.Copy !req
179. His savagery goes beyond
the borders of the animal.Copy !req
180. How'd he go beyond all these borders
if he doesn't have a passport?Copy !req
181. There's little to laugh about.Copy !req
182. Look what he did to his victims.Copy !req
183. Take those photos, it's terrible.Copy !req
184. Well that's why they called him
Dr. Animal Cannibal Pizza.Copy !req
185. He was a psychiatrist and
one day he got evicted.Copy !req
186. Homeless and with no office
and being of Italian origin...Copy !req
187. he began to see his patients in a
pizza joint during closing time.Copy !req
188. You go down through this
tunnel, then I'll open the gate...Copy !req
189. which will lead to Dr. Animals cell.Copy !req
190. Once inside, don't stop along the way...Copy !req
191. and don't be afraid of the
other inmates in the wing.Copy !req
192. And above all, don't feed Dr. Animal.Copy !req
193. Once upon a time a guard succumbed to
his flattery and gave him a tomato.Copy !req
194. The poor slob was found ground up
in a bottle of ketchup...Copy !req
195. on a table at McDonald's in San Diego.Copy !req
196. Do me a favor, keep it down, this is a
delicate case and my mission is top secret.Copy !req
197. - Don't worry, my lips are sealed.
- Thanks.Copy !req
198. Hey guys, there's another asshole cop
going down to see Animal Cannibal!Copy !req
199. Give me the phone, I want
to call the newspapers!Copy !req
200. The maximum security wing,
horrible, terrifying, blood-curdling.Copy !req
201. Excuse me, Miss.Copy !req
202. Exactly where is the
unbelievably bad maniacs wing?Copy !req
203. Follow me.Copy !req
204. Here we are sir.Copy !req
205. Misery... Misery must not die!Copy !req
206. Jo was about to meet the most diabolical
and cunning killer of all time...Copy !req
207. Dr. Animal.Copy !req
208. Good morning.Copy !req
209. - Good morning.
- Don't move.Copy !req
210. Please, Miss, don't say a word.Copy !req
211. Just give me a moment.Copy !req
212. You're a woman, you're black.Copy !req
213. From a very strange place.Copy !req
214. Cleveland!Copy !req
215. You're wearing earth tones.Copy !req
216. You used to date a policeman,
but you just couldn't cop it.Copy !req
217. He made you very unhappy.Copy !req
218. Is that...Copy !req
219. Where is she? Where'd she go?
And who are you?Copy !req
220. I'm white and I'm male,
you didn't get one of those things right.Copy !req
221. I have a cold.Copy !req
222. Are you from Pittsburgh?Copy !req
223. - No, I'm with the FBI.
- Shit.Copy !req
224. I'm here for your advice.Copy !req
225. May I be frank?Copy !req
226. - I thought you were Jo?
- All right, I'll be both.Copy !req
227. I need your help to nail a killer.Copy !req
228. I know, I know.Copy !req
229. I have psychic powers but
there's no air in here.Copy !req
230. I'm cooped up. I'm being held
against my will and my willy.Copy !req
231. Don't you understand?Copy !req
232. My psychic powers have been farmisht.Copy !req
233. - For what?
- Forget it.Copy !req
234. FBI.Copy !req
235. May I see your credentials please?Copy !req
236. Closer please.Copy !req
237. Closer.Copy !req
238. Closer.Copy !req
239. Close enough.Copy !req
240. Oh how I long for nice hot pizza
made with the brains of an intellect.Copy !req
241. I miss that texture.Copy !req
242. I can smell your Aqua Velva.Copy !req
243. Pencils, pens, puce.Copy !req
244. Give me a break.Copy !req
245. Hey, stay.Copy !req
246. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.Copy !req
247. All the king's horses and all the
king's men had scrambled eggs.Copy !req
248. Oh, I like you, Miss—Copy !req
249. Mister.Copy !req
250. Please, call me Doctor.Copy !req
251. Did you do those drawings, Doctor?Copy !req
252. Yes, I'm taking a correspondence course.Copy !req
253. Dr. Animal.Copy !req
254. Call me A.Copy !req
255. A?Copy !req
256. Also, call me Doctor.Copy !req
257. A doctor.Copy !req
258. - Dr. A.
- Excuse me. Dr. A.Copy !req
259. - Bingo.
- Dr. A. Bingo?Copy !req
260. Moving on.Copy !req
261. I've been entrusted with
a very delicate case.Copy !req
262. See, it's the, well it's the
first of my career actually.Copy !req
263. - We're chasing a killer—
- Bah!Copy !req
264. I'm getting a vision.Copy !req
265. Wait, I see a man-eating dog.Copy !req
266. - Man-eating dog?
- Yes, we could be friends.Copy !req
267. He has fierce, fierce teeth.Copy !req
268. He's biting all of his
victims in the groin.Copy !req
269. Who?Copy !req
270. They all died with a
surprised look on their face.Copy !req
271. It's no wonder.Copy !req
272. Oh wait.
Wait!Copy !req
273. It's Lassie.Copy !req
274. Hello, Lassie, what's going on?Copy !req
275. Oh, she's very upset about Benji
having all that screen time.Copy !req
276. Wait, wait, she's also
unhappy with little Timmy.Copy !req
277. The bitch is really pissed.Copy !req
278. Doctor, I appreciate
all you're doing for me.Copy !req
279. I really do, but—Copy !req
280. - Oh don't be silly.
- But—Copy !req
281. It's all right, it's my pleasure.Copy !req
282. But, but, but—Copy !req
283. You sound like a motorboat, stow it!Copy !req
284. I grow tired.Copy !req
285. I go to the arms of Orpheus!Copy !req
286. Goodnight.Copy !req
287. It's incredible.Copy !req
288. He doesn't even obey the law of gravity.Copy !req
289. Meanwhile, Jane returned to work...Copy !req
290. not realizing her life was about
to make an abrupt change.Copy !req
291. Five, four, three, two, one, ignition.Copy !req
292. Mr. Lobby, please come to reception.Copy !req
293. Is Mr. Laurel back yet?Copy !req
294. No.Copy !req
295. That dear sweet man.Copy !req
296. He's working so hard.Copy !req
297. Sponging lunch off that
rich Scandinavian client.Copy !req
298. Miss Reception, please come to the lobby.Copy !req
299. You look funny.Copy !req
300. Have some coffee.Copy !req
301. You know for seven years now you've been
asking me if I want coffee.Copy !req
302. I don't want coffee.Copy !req
303. I hate coffee!Copy !req
304. Sweet ladies.Copy !req
305. Your boss just closed one humongous deal.Copy !req
306. Hardy, bring out the drinks.Copy !req
307. Laurel, my name is Laurel.Copy !req
308. It's a terrific deal.Copy !req
309. I stuck it to him, I stuck it to him.Copy !req
310. For $400,000.Copy !req
311. Excuse me.Copy !req
312. What's your name?Copy !req
313. Olaf, I'm Swedish.Copy !req
314. Come on, are you really Swedish?Copy !req
315. Not really.Copy !req
316. My Father's Finnish and
my Mother's Russian.Copy !req
317. I could tell by your accent.Copy !req
318. Have some coffee, it's
good for your circulation.Copy !req
319. No, thank you.Copy !req
320. I don't like coffee,
I prefer salmon juice.Copy !req
321. Well have some coffee!Copy !req
322. No!Copy !req
323. Oh, it's very good.Copy !req
324. Why don't you tell him, Mr. Hardy.Copy !req
325. Laurel, my name is Laurel!Copy !req
326. When she acts like that I could just
smack her right in the mouth!Copy !req
327. Jane, dear, would you put the
money in the safe please?Copy !req
328. Okay, boss.Copy !req
329. Right this way.Copy !req
330. I stuck it to him, I stuck it to him.Copy !req
331. Now, where were we?Copy !req
332. Have some coffee.Copy !req
333. It's good!Copy !req
334. I don't want none of your god damn coffee!Copy !req
335. Marrying you is my biggest dream,
but I don't have a dime!Copy !req
336. Your boss just closed one humongous deal.Copy !req
337. For $400,000.Copy !req
338. And now you want me to marry you
knowing I just got a divorce.Copy !req
339. I always pay in cash.Copy !req
340. Would you put all this money in the safe.Copy !req
341. Won't you take me to Funky town?Copy !req
342. The voices in her head had exhausted her.Copy !req
343. So she pulled off the road and
began sleeping like a baby.Copy !req
344. Dear Jane, you were right.Copy !req
345. The hell with being broke,
let's get married anyway.Copy !req
346. All I really want is you.Copy !req
347. Therefore, please fill
out the attached form.Copy !req
348. A, is the house you live in yours?Copy !req
349. B, please list all stocks and bonds held.Copy !req
350. C, list any other possessions of value:Copy !req
351. Furs, jewelry, stamp
collections, et cetera.Copy !req
352. Rover, how many times have I told you?Copy !req
353. Come on now, you know,
there's no sitting on the table.Copy !req
354. Jo had an unexpected visitor,
it was the woman in blue.Copy !req
355. Listen, bastard, I'll break your face!Copy !req
356. Where have you hidden my sister Jane?Copy !req
357. No wonder she didn't invite me over.Copy !req
358. What's your name?Copy !req
359. - My name is Lily.
- What's with the accent?Copy !req
360. It's not an accent, it's the dentures I
inherited from my polish grandmother.Copy !req
361. I want to know where Jane is,
she's been missing since Friday!Copy !req
362. That's awful, I'm very worried.
We had reservations at the Macaco.Copy !req
363. What are you doing for dinner tonight?Copy !req
364. Tell me where you stashed
Jane or I call the cops!Copy !req
365. No need to do that.Copy !req
366. My name is Martin Balsam.Copy !req
367. I'm a private eye.Copy !req
368. - Well come in.
- No, no.Copy !req
369. I never enter a house
without a search warrant.Copy !req
370. Can you show me your ID?Copy !req
371. You know you look better in pictures?Copy !req
372. You should see me in a bikini.Copy !req
373. What brings you here?Copy !req
374. Well I was tailing this young lady
and I'm looking for your sister, too.Copy !req
375. I was hired by your
sister's boss Mr. Laurel.Copy !req
376. Your sister took off with $400,000.Copy !req
377. Four—
400,000?Copy !req
378. She shouldn't have done that.
I'll go find it. Her.Copy !req
379. - Jane!
- Let him go.Copy !req
380. Let him go, he's very much in love.Copy !req
381. - With your sister?
- No, with money.Copy !req
382. Whenever he comes to see her
he puts in for travel expenses.Copy !req
383. Well, as soon as I get a lead,
I'll let you know.Copy !req
384. Thank you, inspector!Copy !req
385. He'll break the case.Copy !req
386. He'll break his nose.Copy !req
387. Oh my God, it's an earthquake!Copy !req
388. It's the big one.Copy !req
389. Got a problem ma'am?Copy !req
390. Yes, Officer.Copy !req
391. The tar on my gums is really unsightly.Copy !req
392. May I see your driver's license, please?Copy !req
393. I'm sorry that's my boyfriend Jo's.Copy !req
394. Can I have Jo's phone number?Copy !req
395. No!Copy !req
396. Excuse me. Sorry, Charlene.
Our fault!Copy !req
397. Finally destiny was about to bring Jane
and me together.Copy !req
398. Good evening.Copy !req
399. Welcome to the Cemetery Motel.Copy !req
400. Cemetery is a strange name for a Motel.Copy !req
401. This is not a motel called the Cemetery,
this is a cemetery called the Motel.Copy !req
402. In fact, my name is Antonio Motel.Copy !req
403. Believe me, here one
really rests in peace.Copy !req
404. The police were hot on her trail,
but at night the Gods were with her.Copy !req
405. What can't I do for you?Copy !req
406. That storm is awful.Copy !req
407. The storms around here
are really treacherous.Copy !req
408. They sneak up on you and
stab you in the back.Copy !req
409. Cut right through to the bone!Copy !req
410. Listen—Copy !req
411. Blow after blow after blow!Copy !req
412. I'd like a room please.Copy !req
413. Striking, slicing, cutting,
hacking, lopping!Copy !req
414. Right away ma'am.Copy !req
415. I have one all made up.Copy !req
416. It's the off season.Copy !req
417. During the season we are closed.Copy !req
418. Pick a key, any key.Copy !req
419. They are all the same.Copy !req
420. Ugh, what rotten luck.Copy !req
421. I just hate the number 13.Copy !req
422. I'll take you there.Copy !req
423. Right this way.Copy !req
424. Here we are, signorina.Copy !req
425. Goodnight, Mr. Motel.Copy !req
426. Buona notte.Copy !req
427. By the way, where are you from?Copy !req
428. You have a very strange accent.Copy !req
429. I'm originally Italian.Copy !req
430. Oh, I love Italy.Copy !req
431. All your beautiful cities.Copy !req
432. Paris, London, Munich.Copy !req
433. What a beautiful, beautiful country.Copy !req
434. I don't remember your name.Copy !req
435. You know, nobody ever comes here.Copy !req
436. It's hard to remember them all.Copy !req
437. - Jane.
- Ah, Jane.Copy !req
438. Like my cousin Maria.Copy !req
439. Ah Jane, if you need anything
just knock on the wall.Copy !req
440. I don't answer.Copy !req
441. I almost forgot.Copy !req
442. I'd like you to have a
dinner with me later.Copy !req
443. There is an Italian restaurant quite close
which does terrific Italian food.Copy !req
444. Let's go.Copy !req
445. I'm sorry, it's closed.Copy !req
446. Well, see what you can do.Copy !req
447. I can never get to sleep
unless I get something into my tummy.Copy !req
448. She's going to come to a bad end.Copy !req
449. How many times have I told you?Copy !req
450. No women in the house!Copy !req
451. You must have straw in your head!Copy !req
452. Stupido!Copy !req
453. Mama, why are you talking?Copy !req
454. You haven't appeared yet in the movie.Copy !req
455. Please, read the script and shut up.Copy !req
456. Mr. Motel, I hope I haven't caused
a problem by being here.Copy !req
457. No, no problem.Copy !req
458. I remember that you love Italian food.Copy !req
459. Do you like spaghetti?Copy !req
460. Yes, terrific.Copy !req
461. I'm sorry, I prepared tacos.Copy !req
462. Buona notte.Copy !req
463. Hello, who's speaking?Copy !req
464. This is your Commander, Jo.Copy !req
465. Get over to Hellraiser Park on the double.Copy !req
466. The psycho killer has struck again.Copy !req
467. I'm on my way boss.Copy !req
468. Even in the middle of the night
Jo was ready for action.Copy !req
469. He got rid of his five o'clock shadow
for a 10 o'clock shadow.Copy !req
470. Hey Tony, tie that yellow ribbon
around the old oak tree.Copy !req
471. What's this thing for anyway?Copy !req
472. Catch flies.Copy !req
473. Oh, crazed murderer, psycho killer,
all over the place.Copy !req
474. I'm sorry boss, I couldn't understand you
with your cigar in your mouth there.Copy !req
475. Oh crazy, murder, psycho killer.Copy !req
476. I know, he must've been dead for weeks.Copy !req
477. I can smell that stink
all the way out here.Copy !req
478. What stink?Copy !req
479. The decomposition.Copy !req
480. Oh no, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
481. That's not him, it's me.Copy !req
482. It's me, it's my breath.Copy !req
483. I don't think I completely digested those
frozen pigeon patties after breakfast.Copy !req
484. Fried pork lard sauce,
almonds, prunes, cilantro.Copy !req
485. - Sergeant!
- Yeah Chief.Copy !req
486. - Has forensics come up with anything?
- Yeah, yeah, go on in!Copy !req
487. You see, Jo, Sergeant here is a prime
example of loyalty to the force.Copy !req
488. Always on the job even though he's feeling
a little under the weather.Copy !req
489. I got to hand it to you.Copy !req
490. Did you find.Copy !req
491. Did you...Copy !req
492. You find anything?
Any prints?Copy !req
493. Just one.Copy !req
494. Over there.Copy !req
495. - Did you find anything else interesting?
- Yes, this.Copy !req
496. What do you think?Copy !req
497. I've already read it.Copy !req
498. You sure there's only one victim?Copy !req
499. There's enough stuff here for twins.Copy !req
500. Pavarotti.Copy !req
501. Yes, it was Pavarotti who had eaten
a cow and farted himself to pieces.Copy !req
502. This is an "Indecent Proposal."Copy !req
503. Yeah, let's go, you guys.Copy !req
504. I thought you said this
was a bridal shower?Copy !req
505. I told you we should've
done this in pose.Copy !req
506. Have a nice breast.Copy !req
507. Peek-a-boo!Copy !req
508. I didn't even get a chance to—Copy !req
509. She's dead.Copy !req
510. She's not dead.Copy !req
511. Hasta la baby vista.Copy !req
512. Hasta la, hasta la...Copy !req
513. The next morning, the
FBI had a hot suspect.Copy !req
514. Ma'am, we've heard quite enough.Copy !req
515. This is a free country.
You can't arrest me.Copy !req
516. I know my rights.Copy !req
517. Ma'am, smoking a cigar in a non-smoking
restaurant is a federal offense.Copy !req
518. My husband will hear about this.Copy !req
519. You'll pay for this!Copy !req
520. Can't pay much more than
we're paying already lady.Copy !req
521. This is an injustice!Copy !req
522. It's not fair!Copy !req
523. In conclusion, I'd like to
say we're going to nail this...Copy !req
524. psycho killer it's going
to have to take teamwork.Copy !req
525. Your teamwork.Copy !req
526. 'Cause you're the best.Copy !req
527. You're the best of the best.Copy !req
528. You're the best of the best of the bunch.Copy !req
529. Jo, Mayor's on the phone!Copy !req
530. Sorry, Mr. Mayor.Copy !req
531. He wants to know what's happening
with the psycho killer case!Copy !req
532. I told him not to worry, Jo's handling it!Copy !req
533. So in case there's any
fuck up, it's your ass.Copy !req
534. Yes sir, my kickback check's in the mail.
Oh, Jo, here.Copy !req
535. There's actually no problem,
the mayor's a sweetheart.Copy !req
536. Good evening, Mr. Mayor.Copy !req
537. Jo, listen to me.Copy !req
538. Oh that's very interesting sir, really,
but I no longer—Copy !req
539. The Governor's on my ass.Copy !req
540. I'd be demoted.Copy !req
541. I can't handle it, Jo.Copy !req
542. First I was President, then Mayor.Copy !req
543. If you fail, I could end
up being a proctologist!Copy !req
544. Jo, I'm no crook, I'm no crook.Copy !req
545. I'm no crook... I'm no crook, Jo!Copy !req
546. - Listen to me!
- Thank you.Copy !req
547. Thank you very much, Mayor,
you've been a real big help.Copy !req
548. Okay, where'd I put my weapon?Copy !req
549. There it is, of course.Copy !req
550. Stop it!Copy !req
551. Stop it!Copy !req
552. Jo had no time to lose.Copy !req
553. With every passing day the money
was slipping through his hands.Copy !req
554. $400.Copy !req
555. 400 grand.Copy !req
556. Sorry.Copy !req
557. Somebody stop her!Copy !req
558. Dr. Animal?Copy !req
559. I have crossed oceans
of time to find you.Copy !req
560. I know, I know my part is crooked.Copy !req
561. I can't use a mirror.Copy !req
562. Don't move, Miss.Copy !req
563. You are a young woman...Copy !req
564. You're black,
a newspaper reporter from Des Moines.Copy !req
565. No, no, no, Flint.Copy !req
566. Flint, Michigan.Copy !req
567. Sorry, no cigar.Copy !req
568. I've been cooped up in
this place for eight years.Copy !req
569. Of all the things I've lost,
I think I miss my mind the most.Copy !req
570. I was hoping for something with a view.Copy !req
571. I miss a brain.Copy !req
572. Brains were my specialty you know.Copy !req
573. Brains with—Copy !req
574. How about with fava beans?Copy !req
575. If I had fava beans, I'd be free.Copy !req
576. I'd blow that back wall right out!Copy !req
577. A woman has disappeared...Copy !req
578. and I fear that she's fallen into
the hands of the psycho killer.Copy !req
579. So.Copy !req
580. So, do you know where he is?Copy !req
581. Make it interesting for me.Copy !req
582. I get to ask you three questions.Copy !req
583. And don't lie, 'cause I'll know.Copy !req
584. Do you?Copy !req
585. Never touch it, never will.Copy !req
586. First question.Copy !req
587. What are you most frightened of, Claresse?Copy !req
588. Anchovies.Copy !req
589. Good answer.Copy !req
590. Now, describe your most dirty,
decadent, disgusting, dangerous,Copy !req
591. defective, decorative, defoliated,
decotaged, deformed, dry dream.Copy !req
592. Ham.Copy !req
593. Was the ham...Copy !req
594. silent?Copy !req
595. Ham can be very quiet, very quiet.Copy !req
596. Unless the ham is falling down stairs, then
it goes boom Dee boom da bum bum boom boom.Copy !req
597. Celery is very loud.Copy !req
598. Apples louder.Copy !req
599. Unless you have applesauce,
which goes very well with ham.Copy !req
600. Doesn't it, Claresse?Copy !req
601. Please no more questions.Copy !req
602. - Now they've got to help me.
- Enough about me.Copy !req
603. Jane has disappeared with 400 grand and
that dickhead detective is chasing her.Copy !req
604. I've got to get to her first.Copy !req
605. With only half that money...Copy !req
606. we could be partners and
start Dr. Animal's Pizza Place.Copy !req
607. Just think of it.Copy !req
608. Iggy-boo.Copy !req
609. Iggy-boo? What is that?Copy !req
610. - My happy noise.
- Oh.Copy !req
611. All right, you win.Copy !req
612. Psycho killer was a portion...
Patron... Patient of mine.Copy !req
613. He suffered from schizophrenia.
Don't you understand?Copy !req
614. The killer's real name is Antonio
and he hates his Mother.Copy !req
615. Why?Copy !req
616. Maybe because she's a pain in the ass.Copy !req
617. Did you ever think of that?Copy !req
618. So where is Antonio?Copy !req
619. Very near, and he'll be even nearer when
I get to see Dr. Animal's Pizza Place.Copy !req
620. All right, it's been nice talking to you.Copy !req
621. Time to rest.Copy !req
622. My brain is hurting.Copy !req
623. Nighty, night!Copy !req
624. Allez hop!Copy !req
625. Iggy-boo!Copy !req
626. Ooh, I wish I had a marshmallow.Copy !req
627. His hang time is longer than Jordan's.Copy !req
628. In his search for Jane, Detective Balsam
checked out every classy motel in town.Copy !req
629. Including the Jack the Ripper Motor Inn.Copy !req
630. - Here you go.
- Thank you, sir.Copy !req
631. Okay, have a party with that.Copy !req
632. Take me to a nice hospital please.Copy !req
633. That motel can really stick it to you.Copy !req
634. That's a pun.Copy !req
635. The next morning I was handling my business
when Detective Balsam came into my life.Copy !req
636. After checking 642 different motels...Copy !req
637. clever Balsam went down the wrong
street and found the right one.Copy !req
638. He pulled up in a rented car
that had every new option.Copy !req
639. Including frequent flyer mileage.Copy !req
640. Have you seen her?
Her name is Jane Wine.Copy !req
641. I have never seen her.Copy !req
642. You're absolutely sure?Copy !req
643. 100% scout's honor.Copy !req
644. You don't believe me?Copy !req
645. Do you want to check the register?Copy !req
646. No, I wouldn't dream of it.Copy !req
647. He doesn't find her, he doesn't find her.Copy !req
648. He found her.Copy !req
649. I think you better come clean.Copy !req
650. I recognize the anagram of her signature.Copy !req
651. Now, when did she arrive?Copy !req
652. She was here Sunday,
but she checked out the next morning.Copy !req
653. Ah, Tuesday.Copy !req
654. Then you were here?Copy !req
655. Yes, I were here.Copy !req
656. I was here.Copy !req
657. You too?
If so, why are you asking me?Copy !req
658. Move on.
What happened?Copy !req
659. It was raining and she was starving,
so I whipped up some sharper knife.Copy !req
660. Some sandwich.Copy !req
661. After she ate she wasn't hungry anymore...Copy !req
662. then she went right off
to the bed in the swamp.Copy !req
663. In the suite.Copy !req
664. And she told me she had a
long drive the next morning.Copy !req
665. That is the trout.Copy !req
666. The trout?Copy !req
667. Yes, I'm not a liar.Copy !req
668. I tell you the trout.Copy !req
669. The truth, I want the truth.Copy !req
670. It's not a problem, okay.Copy !req
671. Here it is.Copy !req
672. The truth.Copy !req
673. And so now I have to make the beds.Copy !req
674. I told you all I know.Copy !req
675. What are you doing, Mr. Motel?Copy !req
676. I told you, making the bed.Copy !req
677. I make them every morning.Copy !req
678. Running a motel is a killing job.Copy !req
679. I saw somebody at the
window in that house.Copy !req
680. Is anybody living there?Copy !req
681. No.
I mean yes, my Mother.Copy !req
682. She's retired.Copy !req
683. I'll be seeing you.Copy !req
684. I won't be seeing you!Copy !req
685. - Goodbye.
- Goodbye.Copy !req
686. Goodbye.Copy !req
687. Goodbye.Copy !req
688. Goodbye.Copy !req
689. Goodbye.Copy !req
690. Goodbye.Copy !req
691. Goodbye!Copy !req
692. - Goodbye!
- Goodbye!Copy !req
693. - Goodbye!
- Goodbye!Copy !req
694. - Goodbye!
- Goodbye!Copy !req
695. Goodbye!Copy !req
696. What a jerk.
He left without saying goodbye.Copy !req
697. Hello.Copy !req
698. Jane slept at the Cemetery Motel.Copy !req
699. Oh my God.Copy !req
700. Your sister had a cabin, number 13.Copy !req
701. Talking about jinxes!Copy !req
702. Oh come on, Lily, don't
be so superstitious.Copy !req
703. 13, that's a lot of hogwash.Copy !req
704. But anyway, I'm not satisfied yet.Copy !req
705. This guy has an ambulant mother whom I
believe saw Jane and whether Antonio...Copy !req
706. Motel likes it or not, I'm going back
to Motel's motel and question her.Copy !req
707. It's your ass, that's
what you're paid for.Copy !req
708. Alone in a private plane,
Agent Jo finally decides—Copy !req
709. Oh no, wait, wait.Copy !req
710. No, forget it, I'm sorry.Copy !req
711. This scene was cut.Copy !req
712. I feel I've done this before.Copy !req
713. Surprise!Copy !req
714. - Again?
- Yes.Copy !req
715. And now the stairs!Copy !req
716. The stairs, no!Copy !req
717. Jo had to promise Dr. Animal a pizza place
and now he delivered.Copy !req
718. Is Miss Fostar here yet?Copy !req
719. Mister.Copy !req
720. Call me Doctor, please.Copy !req
721. Not yet, Dr. Please.Copy !req
722. He should be here soon.Copy !req
723. Because he was late Jo tried to beat
out an oil truck for a parking space.Copy !req
724. Hey, where you going?Copy !req
725. You dented my freaking fender!Copy !req
726. I'll be back.Copy !req
727. - Fellas.
- Howdy do.Copy !req
728. - Dr. Enema.
- Long time no see.Copy !req
729. As you can see, I've kept
up my end of the bargain...Copy !req
730. may this be the beginning
of Dr. Animals pizza place.Copy !req
731. Iggy-boo!Copy !req
732. My brain is tingling!Copy !req
733. - I'm glad.
- Moi ici.Copy !req
734. - What?
- French, me too.Copy !req
735. - The contract.
- Right here.Copy !req
736. - The license.
- Right here.Copy !req
737. All right, Miss Fostar, I have to ask you,
do you have the photos of the waitresses?Copy !req
738. Yes, and the phone numbers.Copy !req
739. Very foodie, this is great!Copy !req
740. The cooks dental x-rays?Copy !req
741. Bathroom faucets?Copy !req
742. A spare tire from the
cleaning woman's car.Copy !req
743. The shoe sizes of everyone
in the entire staff.Copy !req
744. The maitre d's ball bearings.Copy !req
745. They're smaller than I thought.Copy !req
746. They're all set.Copy !req
747. - I'm satisfied.
- Good.Copy !req
748. Now will you please tell me
where the psycho killer is?Copy !req
749. All right, all right.Copy !req
750. After all, a view is a view.Copy !req
751. Come to think of it,
maybe I will have a piece of veal.Copy !req
752. Where is the psycho killer!Copy !req
753. The killer is near.Copy !req
754. Just outside of town,
right under your nose.Copy !req
755. The Cemetery Motel.Copy !req
756. Thank you, thank you, Doctor.Copy !req
757. In all honesty, really, thank you.
I couldn't have done without you.Copy !req
758. No, I mean it.
This man is amazing.Copy !req
759. From the bottom of my heart.Copy !req
760. And please, don't forget,
I own 10% of this place.Copy !req
761. Bye.Copy !req
762. 10%.Copy !req
763. Less than my manager.
I'm going to miss him.Copy !req
764. Nosy snoop of a private eye.Copy !req
765. Nobody will ever suspect you in your car
under here.Copy !req
766. Detective Balsam?Copy !req
767. Detective Balsam!Copy !req
768. Detective Balsam!Copy !req
769. Mama Mia, the work never ends here.Copy !req
770. Detective Balsam!Copy !req
771. Detective Balsam!Copy !req
772. Only way to stop a hog when it's rutting.Copy !req
773. Jo went back to his place to clean up.Copy !req
774. Boy, it must've been really rough.Copy !req
775. You sweat like a hog in heat.Copy !req
776. - Fuck you. He didn't come here?
- He who?Copy !req
777. Detective Balsam!Copy !req
778. He wasn't at the motel?Copy !req
779. No, nor was Jane.Copy !req
780. And I couldn't find that
manager, what's his name?Copy !req
781. - Frank.
- Yeah, Antonio.Copy !req
782. And I couldn't enter the house
because I didn't have a warrant.Copy !req
783. She didn't answer the door, she just
dumped a pail of water on my head.Copy !req
784. Good thing she missed.Copy !req
785. Yeah.
I tell you it's weird, it's too weird.Copy !req
786. Balsam calls, says he's got a hunch, right,
then he disappears.Copy !req
787. Poor Jane.Copy !req
788. Who knows where she could be?Copy !req
789. I bet she's in trouble.Copy !req
790. I bet they've done things to her.Copy !req
791. I bet they've tortured her.Copy !req
792. I bet they swiped the money—Copy !req
793. No!
Not that!Copy !req
794. Anything but that!Copy !req
795. I tell you we'll find her all right,
alive and in cash.Copy !req
796. Who the fuck is calling me at this hour?Copy !req
797. Boss, it's me.
I need to get a—Copy !req
798. Christ.
Look, Jo, —Copy !req
799. Listen, Jane has really
stuck her foot in it this time.Copy !req
800. - She's at the motel outside of town.
- Hey!Copy !req
801. I'm about to stick my babascas into
something a hell of a lot damper.Copy !req
802. Hell of a lot warmer too.
So I'll make this quick.Copy !req
803. All right, I need a
search warrant and fast.Copy !req
804. Getting a search warrant
will take too long.Copy !req
805. And besides, this case is top secret!Copy !req
806. Try the Ranger.Copy !req
807. He's in charge of issuing
motel licenses.Copy !req
808. So he's got a good excuse for getting you
in without arousing, arousing suspicion.Copy !req
809. Jo, got to go.Copy !req
810. Jo, don't you think it's a little late?Copy !req
811. Absolutely not.
The Ranger lives his job.Copy !req
812. It's the one official you
can call out at any hour.Copy !req
813. Who the hell is that breaking my chops
at this hour of the night!Copy !req
814. I hope his tires blow out
at 200 miles an hour on a curve!Copy !req
815. I hope he turns coo-coo!Copy !req
816. Honey, you're not going to believe this!Copy !req
817. It's a mailman and a nun!Copy !req
818. Ma'am, I've got to talk to the Ranger.Copy !req
819. Oh, Jo, I recognized you right away.Copy !req
820. Come on in.
Come on.Copy !req
821. You know, you get handsomer every day.Copy !req
822. You can come in, too, Sister.Copy !req
823. You mustn't stay out here all
night in the cold. Okay?Copy !req
824. The Ranger lived in a modest house
with his wife, an ex-super model.Copy !req
825. Very ex.Copy !req
826. Greetings, everyone.Copy !req
827. Welcome to my humble abode.Copy !req
828. I must apologize for being
a trifle underdressed...Copy !req
829. but I was sleeping
when you drove up.Copy !req
830. What's going down?Copy !req
831. Ranger, I don't know where to start.Copy !req
832. It all began with—Copy !req
833. Thank you, smelly thing.Copy !req
834. Anyway, I'm engaged to Miss Lily's sister.Copy !req
835. It happens that...Copy !req
836. Jo decides to explain
everything to the Ranger...Copy !req
837. using the FBI's new secret
technique, interpretive dance.Copy !req
838. Get the picture?Copy !req
839. Jo, if I understand you correctly,
you're saying that...Copy !req
840. Was that about it?Copy !req
841. Yeah, except for one or two steps.Copy !req
842. Jo, something here doesn't quite jive.Copy !req
843. You said you saw a lady at that house
who was supposed to be Antonio's mother.Copy !req
844. Jo, Antonio's mother's
been dead for 10 years.Copy !req
845. But it doesn't make any sense.Copy !req
846. Detective Balsam saw her.Copy !req
847. He even went back to the
hotel to question her.Copy !req
848. Antonio's mother's dead!Copy !req
849. Question is, who is that other woman!Copy !req
850. Tell me what happened quick.Copy !req
851. Well, you know how the
boss is, he picked up—Copy !req
852. Not that quick.Copy !req
853. Well he picked up this
little virgin on a ranch...Copy !req
854. and things must've
gotten carried away.Copy !req
855. You don't do certain things at his age.Copy !req
856. Dr. Butcher to surgery.Copy !req
857. Dr. Butcher to surgery.Copy !req
858. Dr. Leaky to urology.Copy !req
859. What the hell happened?Copy !req
860. How could a night out do this to you?Copy !req
861. Boy, you don't know what sex is.Copy !req
862. She had my wheels spinning.Copy !req
863. Spinning, I heard symphonies.Copy !req
864. My only trouble and my only mistake,
I asked her to get on top.Copy !req
865. Listen, I was out at the Rangers
and he said that there was—Copy !req
866. I know! He called me, asked
me something really weird.Copy !req
867. If I knew your friend Lily's blood type.Copy !req
868. He promised you'd go over the motel,
take a look today.Copy !req
869. All right, I'll go meet him.Copy !req
870. Visiting hours are over.Copy !req
871. Mr. Putrid must rest.Copy !req
872. Stay out of trouble, boss.Copy !req
873. Jo, the Ranger's at the bowling
alley, just remembered.Copy !req
874. And remember, lay off the women, huh.Copy !req
875. Not bad.Copy !req
876. Howdy, Ranger.Copy !req
877. Howdy, Jo, what brings you
down to these here parts?Copy !req
878. Well, we want to know how the visit
to the Cemetery Motel went.Copy !req
879. Now, Jo, I know you're not the
type of guy to hallucinate.Copy !req
880. There was no lady at the Cemetery Motel,
much less Antonio's mother.Copy !req
881. Just Antonio himself!Copy !req
882. He also confirmed, Miss Lily,
that your sister...Copy !req
883. registered at the motel
under a fake name.Copy !req
884. When Detective Balsam found out where
she was headed, he took off after her.Copy !req
885. If the bitch tries to screw
me out of my cash—Copy !req
886. But Ranger, there's still
something out of whack out here.Copy !req
887. Yeah, I noticed that.Copy !req
888. - What?
- The heating.Copy !req
889. The motel is as cold as a witch's tit.Copy !req
890. Felt like a morgue.Copy !req
891. Talking about morgues,
why don't you have lunch with us.Copy !req
892. I've fixed some nice cold frozen chicken.Copy !req
893. Now that's a great idea.Copy !req
894. Why don't you come on home with us?Copy !req
895. Spend a nice evening with the family.Copy !req
896. That way you can sign a
formal complaint and...Copy !req
897. I can make out a search warrant for you.Copy !req
898. And you can officially search the motel
and erase all your doubts.Copy !req
899. We'll be waiting for ya.Copy !req
900. I forgot to tell ya.Copy !req
901. Antonio's mother asked me to tell you
to stop howling under her window at night.Copy !req
902. Goodbye.Copy !req
903. We can't afford to make
any mistakes at the motel.Copy !req
904. The least suspicious way I think
is to be a man and wife asking for a room.Copy !req
905. I don't know.Copy !req
906. We ask for a room to be together, like
we just wanted to stop off in this motel...Copy !req
907. to spend some time with each other,
in a room, alone, to make love.Copy !req
908. That's terrific.Copy !req
909. I'd rather make it with anybody than you!Copy !req
910. Hello, could you direct me
to your ice machine please?Copy !req
911. In the back, pal.Copy !req
912. Thank you.Copy !req
913. Five dollars.Copy !req
914. Thanks.Copy !req
915. Yeah, the ice machine is in my butt
where I usually keep it.Copy !req
916. Lily knew that $5 worth of gas
would not get them very far.Copy !req
917. So she tried arousing his generosity.Copy !req
918. - What is this?
- I'm sorry, I had to fill her up.Copy !req
919. The tension was so thick and
the music so pretentious...Copy !req
920. they knew they must be getting close.Copy !req
921. There's nobody here.Copy !req
922. Where the hell is this Antonio?Copy !req
923. Jo, I just saw somebody peeking
out the window up there.Copy !req
924. - Hi!
- Hi!Copy !req
925. Hi.Copy !req
926. Welcome to the Cemetery Motel.Copy !req
927. I suppose you want a cabin?Copy !req
928. Yes.Copy !req
929. I don't like it.
I don't like it.Copy !req
930. I know he looks evil.Copy !req
931. No, not him, the motel.Copy !req
932. I much prefer the Hilton!Copy !req
933. Please, step into the office.Copy !req
934. Sorry.Copy !req
935. Where do I bury these two?Copy !req
936. There is no more room.Copy !req
937. There you go, cabin 13.Copy !req
938. Here we are.Copy !req
939. Make yourself at tomb, at home.Copy !req
940. I feel Jane was here.Copy !req
941. I have a very strange premonition.Copy !req
942. - I found the letter.
- Where was it?Copy !req
943. Right here, under the bed.Copy !req
944. "Dear Lily, I was here.Copy !req
945. Antonio's mother killed me.Copy !req
946. Don't forget to pay the gas bill.Copy !req
947. and kisses, Jane."Copy !req
948. No!Copy !req
949. Why?Copy !req
950. Come on, Lily.
Lily, come on, pull yourself together.Copy !req
951. Come on, everyone forgets
to pay the gas bill.Copy !req
952. Maybe that lady didn't kill her all right.
Maybe it was a mistake.Copy !req
953. If only it were.Copy !req
954. That's right, maybe Antonio killed her.Copy !req
955. No.Copy !req
956. Or she could have got run over by a truck.Copy !req
957. No!Copy !req
958. And she could've got eaten by a cannibal
on a California vacation.Copy !req
959. I don't know, any one
of these really.Copy !req
960. Or there's always that possibility
being torn to shreds by a harvester.Copy !req
961. Then again, she could've fallen into a vat
of sulfuric acid.Copy !req
962. Really, it could've been
any one of these things.Copy !req
963. She could've been ravaged
by a pack of wolves.Copy !req
964. She could've been struck by lightning.
Ow!Copy !req
965. Or she could've been
snorkeling in shark infested—Copy !req
966. Personally, I don't think
anyone's ever died here.Copy !req
967. My arm!Copy !req
968. My arm!Copy !req
969. I can't take this anymore!
I've got to find out once and for all.Copy !req
970. I have to know the truth about my sister.Copy !req
971. Jo, you go and distract Antonio
while I go see the lady and question her.Copy !req
972. Come on now, that's too risky.Copy !req
973. What that letter said was true, and you
want to be alone with that old lady?Copy !req
974. Forget it. We FBI agents, we
specialize in taking dangerous action.Copy !req
975. No, I think it's better if I go distract
Antonio and you talk to the old lady.Copy !req
976. Sorry, I'm a little sick.Copy !req
977. You know, my grandfather
died from a sneeze.Copy !req
978. What, he fell ill and died?Copy !req
979. No, he just fell
from a skyscraper scaffold.Copy !req
980. Lost balance.Copy !req
981. Why have you come here?Copy !req
982. My wife wants to take a nap.Copy !req
983. I'm not sleepy and I felt like chatting.Copy !req
984. You know, just to kill time.Copy !req
985. Just to kill time.Copy !req
986. Please, come on in.Copy !req
987. If there is anything to
kill, I'm always available.Copy !req
988. Know what, guess I'm
doing all the talking.Copy !req
989. I suppose living like this could
make a person jump at the chance to talk.Copy !req
990. You're right, you're right.Copy !req
991. I love to talk to everyone at the motel.Copy !req
992. Is it my fault that when I'm through
I realize there is no one there?Copy !req
993. Shit.Copy !req
994. Antonio, living like this
could drive a man crazy.Copy !req
995. What are you trying to say, eh?Copy !req
996. Are you insinuating that,
that I might be crazy?Copy !req
997. Go on!
Go on if you think I'm crazy!Copy !req
998. Say it, go ahead!Copy !req
999. I'm just saying that if someone like
you had a chance to lay his hands on...Copy !req
1000. 400 grand from some defenseless girl,
he most certainly would go off his nut!Copy !req
1001. I mean he'd do anything!Copy !req
1002. Antonio, for 400 grand, a man would kill!Copy !req
1003. I'll murder ya!Copy !req
1004. You ugly, evil, praying mantis!Copy !req
1005. I'll never tell you!Copy !req
1006. This morning now...
is mine, Big Jim!Copy !req
1007. You're not going to talk, huh,
my fine feathered friend!Copy !req
1008. Well I bet your old Mom will!Copy !req
1009. Mommy?Copy !req
1010. Poor asshole!Copy !req
1011. Where did the girl go?
Where did the—Copy !req
1012. Termites.Copy !req
1013. Mrs. Motel?Copy !req
1014. Mrs. Motel.Copy !req
1015. Oh, Antonio!Copy !req
1016. Let me go!Copy !req
1017. Let me go!Copy !req
1018. Okay, I stay.Copy !req
1019. If this poor man is Antonio,
who is he?Copy !req
1020. It's a little trick
used by Dr. Animal's patients.Copy !req
1021. It's Antonio's mother!Copy !req
1022. All right, I'm Antonio's mother!Copy !req
1023. Mama Mia!Copy !req
1024. But I am better known for fiscal reasons
as the psycho killer!Copy !req
1025. But my exotic achievements have far
outshone my mentor Dr. Animal.Copy !req
1026. He was a degenerated pervert.Copy !req
1027. And then Antonio, he really pissed me off!Copy !req
1028. Where's our money or
it's off to the hay lot!Copy !req
1029. It's buried in the swamp with Jane's body.Copy !req
1030. It's not true!Copy !req
1031. Jane is still alive!Copy !req
1032. Jane!Copy !req
1033. Thought you'd killed me, didn't ya?Copy !req
1034. You old bag!Copy !req
1035. First stabbing me and
then sinking me in my car!Copy !req
1036. Well, good thing it was a lemon.Copy !req
1037. Lemons float.Copy !req
1038. Lily, I'm alive!Copy !req
1039. Hold on, Jane!Copy !req
1040. I'm not Lily.Copy !req
1041. I am...Copy !req
1042. Detective Balsam.Copy !req
1043. If you're alive, who did I
stab, stab, stab to death?Copy !req
1044. Robocrap.Copy !req
1045. The Japanese version of Robocop.Copy !req
1046. Darling, I've still got the 400 grand.Copy !req
1047. Come on, let's split.Copy !req
1048. Just one second, Jane.Copy !req
1049. I'm not Jo, I'm...Copy !req
1050. I'm Mr. Laurel!Copy !req
1051. Return what you stole.Copy !req
1052. Hold it!
Let her go!Copy !req
1053. The Ranger!Copy !req
1054. He's not really the Ranger.Copy !req
1055. I'm Olaf, and those mega-bucks are mine.Copy !req
1056. Oh no they're not, they're mine.Copy !req
1057. You bought that estate for $400,000.Copy !req
1058. Estate?Copy !req
1059. This is what you call an estate?Copy !req
1060. This is the Addams house.Copy !req
1061. What?Copy !req
1062. You sold my house?Copy !req
1063. You rotten swindler!Copy !req
1064. How could you sell a house for $400,000
without even asking the owner?Copy !req
1065. Okay, then I guess I'll
just take my money back.Copy !req
1066. Well, no, no, no, that's mine.Copy !req
1067. - You let go!
- The hell you say, you fraud!Copy !req
1068. That's mine, I'll call the cop!Copy !req
1069. No need, I'm already here.Copy !req
1070. Listen here, Officer.Copy !req
1071. Yes, I'm the Officer,
but not the Officer you think.Copy !req
1072. I'm...Copy !req
1073. The Ranger.Copy !req
1074. The Ranger?Copy !req
1075. My brother?Copy !req
1076. I'm your beloved brother.Copy !req
1077. Beloved my ass.Copy !req
1078. You were the one who first took Antonio
out to play in the hay.Copy !req
1079. If it hadn't been for me, he never
would have gotten out of the house.Copy !req
1080. Just because out of love for his
dead daddy, he poisoned your lover.Copy !req
1081. "Dallas" was never like this.Copy !req
1082. I don't want to be involved
in no family squabbles.Copy !req
1083. I'm leaving, with my money.Copy !req
1084. Hold on, G.Copy !req
1085. Antonio?Copy !req
1086. No, not Antonio.
I'm Jo.Copy !req
1087. Hi, the money is yours,
but it's partly due to me...Copy !req
1088. that you got it back, so you
owe me a 40% finder's fee.Copy !req
1089. Fair is fair.Copy !req
1090. Jo, now we have the money.Copy !req
1091. We can finally get back together again.Copy !req
1092. Oh, I can't wait.Copy !req
1093. You luscious piece of backstabbing,
two-timing, I'll fuck anything that walks...Copy !req
1094. vertebrate or invertebrate
creme brulee souffle.Copy !req
1095. But please no more fooling
around on the side, huh?Copy !req
1096. No, it'll never happen again, I swear.Copy !req
1097. Cross my heart and hope to die.Copy !req
1098. He's not the mummy, come on!Copy !req
1099. Six to one, six to one!
Place your bets!Copy !req
1100. Ciao, everybody!Copy !req
1101. I'm the real Antonio and I'm alive.Copy !req
1102. My son is alive?Copy !req
1103. Who the fuck did I kill?Copy !req
1104. Antonio's alive!Copy !req
1105. Yes, the band played.Copy !req
1106. The parade began.Copy !req
1107. The people cheered.Copy !req
1108. Why, you may ask?Copy !req
1109. Because they stopped taking off
all those got damn masks.Copy !req
1110. Your honor, I've got the entire situation
completely under my control.Copy !req
1111. I don't need reinforcements.Copy !req
1112. Like always, Mr. Mayor,
I did the whole thing single-handed.Copy !req
1113. Now, don't you forget that
when my promotion time rolls around.Copy !req
1114. Oh, excuse me. What?
Oh, we love you Pete Putrid!Copy !req
1115. You're the best, you're wonderful,
you're fabulous, you're marvelous!Copy !req
1116. We love you, you're a God! Oh thank you,
thank you so much! You're too kind.Copy !req
1117. I got to take a shower because I smell like
Kevin Costner after "Dances with Wolves."Copy !req
1118. See you later.Copy !req
1119. And so this is my story.Copy !req
1120. Which brings us to the
moment of my demise.Copy !req
1121. Alfred!Copy !req
1122. So it was the spirit of Alfred
Hitchcock who killed me.Copy !req
1123. I guess he did not like
me fucking up his movie.Copy !req
1124. Or was it Hitchcock?Copy !req
1125. I am Dr. Animal Cannibal Pizza!Copy !req
1126. Iggy-boo!Copy !req
1127. Iggy-boo!Copy !req
1128. Iggy-boo!Copy !req
1129. Hi there!Copy !req
1130. Funny face.Copy !req
1131. Iggy-boo!Copy !req
1132. Christopher Coco
(c) 2020 Turbine Medien GmbHCopy !req