1. Ho-ho-ho!
Merry Christmas!Copy !req
2. Hey, guys.Copy !req
3. Merry Christmas.
Thanks.Copy !req
4. Hey!Copy !req
5. MR.
Ladies and gentlemen,
can I have your attention?Copy !req
6. This has been
our best year everCopy !req
7. thanks to
Do-It-All-For-You-Dolly.Copy !req
8. And I think we should give
a special thanks to the peopleCopy !req
9. responsible for our
record-breaking sales,Copy !req
10. our Midwest marketing
and distribution team,Copy !req
11. Scott Calvin
and Susan Perry!
Yeah!Copy !req
12. Let's hear it for 'em!
Come on!Copy !req
13. Susan, darling,
come on up here.
Aren't they adorable?Copy !req
14. Say a few words.Copy !req
15. Thank you very much.
This was really
a team effort.Copy !req
16. I would just want
to thank every one
of you individually...Copy !req
17. But we don't have
time for that, do we?Copy !req
18. In all seriousness,
here at B&R Toys,Copy !req
19. we're not just about
making a profit
in quality toys.Copy !req
20. We're also about families.Copy !req
21. But our families aren't
here with us right now.Copy !req
22. Which is probably why
Johnson's secretary is
sitting in his lap.Copy !req
23. You guys
have a great party.
Have a great year.Copy !req
24. Drive safe.
Thanks very much.Copy !req
25. Aren't they wonderful?Copy !req
26. Laura, I was
hoping to catch you
before you'd left your house.Copy !req
27. I ran real late today.
You wouldn't believe
the traffic out here.Copy !req
28. Yeah, same to you!Copy !req
29. And that's not very ladylike!Copy !req
30. Anyway, I'll try to get
to my house as soon as I can.Copy !req
31. Oh. There's the problem
right there.Copy !req
32. Three car pileup.
I'm really gonna be late.Copy !req
33. Hark, carol bells,
sweet silver bellsCopy !req
34. All right, let's go.Copy !req
35. Bye, Charlie.Copy !req
36. Bye, Neal.Copy !req
37. Oh! Sorry I'm late. Hi.Copy !req
38. Hi.Copy !req
39. Did you want to
come in for a minute?Copy !req
40. Neal's waiting
in the car, so...Copy !req
41. Why doesn't he come in?Copy !req
42. 'Cause, Daddy,
he says you'll justCopy !req
43. end up saying
something snotty.Copy !req
44. Not necessarily.Copy !req
45. Could be rude
or sarcastic.
Whatever it takes.Copy !req
46. See? I gotta go.Copy !req
47. Come on, come on.
Christmas Eve.
Just a minute.Copy !req
48. Watch those steps.
They're real slippery.Copy !req
49. Told ya.Copy !req
50. So...Copy !req
51. Well...Copy !req
52. You going to your
mom's for dinner?Copy !req
53. Actually, we're gonna be
with Neal's family.Copy !req
54. Ah! Christmas
at the pound.Copy !req
55. There aren't that many
presents over there.Copy !req
56. That's because
Santa isn't here yet.Copy !req
57. Neal doesn't believe
in Santa.Copy !req
58. Well, Neal's head
comes to a point.Copy !req
59. He's smart.
He's a doctor.Copy !req
60. He's not a doctor,
he's a psychiatrist.Copy !req
61. Take your coat off.
You're sticking around,
aren't ya?Copy !req
62. I'll be right there.
Just a sec.Copy !req
63. I just want to...
Did that jerk tell CharlieCopy !req
64. there was no Santa Claus?Copy !req
65. What? No. Oh,
Charlie came homeCopy !req
66. from school
the other day in tearsCopy !req
67. because some big kid
told him there was
no such thing as Santa.Copy !req
68. And, you know Neal.
Well, he sat him down and...Copy !req
69. And told him
there was a Santa Claus.Copy !req
70. Well, all he said was
that Santa was
more like a feeling.Copy !req
71. You know, more like
a state of mind
than a person.Copy !req
72. Kind of like Neal.Copy !req
73. And who gave you permission
to tell Charlie
there's no Santa Claus?Copy !req
74. I think if we're
going to destroyCopy !req
75. our son's illusions,
I should be a part of it.Copy !req
76. Yeah, but
you're never around,Copy !req
77. are you, Scott?
Oh, please.Copy !req
78. Listen, all we are
trying to do is
give CharlieCopy !req
79. a firm grasp
on reality.Copy !req
80. That's a good idea.Copy !req
81. You don't want
kids running around
using their imaginations.Copy !req
82. Oh, yeah.
That's from
the guy responsibleCopy !req
83. for the Do-It-All-
For-You-Dolly.
Leave her out of this.Copy !req
84. Why do you guys
always have to fight?Copy !req
85. We're not fighting.
It's your mom singing.Copy !req
86. It sounds a lot like
fighting, doesn't it?Copy !req
87. Cats, even.Copy !req
88. The trouble is,
Neal and your mom,Copy !req
89. they don't believe in
Santa because they
were real naughty.Copy !req
90. Which is why
they'll probably getCopy !req
91. lumps of coal
in their stockings.Copy !req
92. I don't know.
It seems kind of babyishCopy !req
93. to believe in
that kind of stuff.Copy !req
94. What are you talking about?
I believe in Santa Claus.
I'm not a baby.Copy !req
95. Well...Copy !req
96. Maybe it's time
you left.Copy !req
97. We don't want to keep
Dr. Pinhead waiting.Copy !req
98. Come here.Copy !req
99. Do I gotta stay?Copy !req
100. Listen, you
and your daddyCopy !req
101. are gonna have
a great Christmas, okay?Copy !req
102. Will you pick me up tomorrow?Copy !req
103. Of course.Copy !req
104. Early?
Yes.Copy !req
105. We're talking sunup,
you're here?Copy !req
106. You'll be fine.
Merry Christmas,
Charlie. I love you.Copy !req
107. I love you, too, Mom.Copy !req
108. You be a good boy, okay?Copy !req
109. Bye, Mom.Copy !req
110. Four hours?Copy !req
111. Your Christmas
will be perfect...Copy !req
112. with its own
built-in turkey timer.Copy !req
113. And now, we return youCopy !req
114. to the most cherished
of Christmas stories,Copy !req
115. Miracle on 34th Street,
starring...Copy !req
116. Ah.Copy !req
117. That is exactly why
you want a high-quality
fire extinguisherCopy !req
118. right in the kitchen.Copy !req
119. Those flames were
really big, Dad.Copy !req
120. Well, turkey's
funny that way.Copy !req
121. Dad!Copy !req
122. It's done!Copy !req
123. You like
osso buco, Charlie?Copy !req
124. They're closed.Copy !req
125. You know,
Neal's a real good cook.Copy !req
126. Yeah, and you should
see him walk on water.Copy !req
127. You don't like him
very much, do you, Dad?Copy !req
128. Charlie, yeah.
I was joking, okay?Copy !req
129. I'm sorry.
I was just
kidding around.Copy !req
130. I like him a lot...
Yeah, sure, I like him.
You know, there...Copy !req
131. There's just
something about him
that makes me wanna...Copy !req
132. Lash out irrationally.Copy !req
133. Where did you hear that?Copy !req
134. From Neal.
I learn a lot from him.
He listens to me.Copy !req
135. Yeah.
Then he charges you for it.Copy !req
136. All right. Denny's.
It's always open.Copy !req
137. I don't wanna eat here.Copy !req
138. What're you
talking about?Copy !req
139. Everybody likes Denny's.
It's an American institution.Copy !req
140. Are you with Hatsutashi?Copy !req
141. No.Copy !req
142. Dad burned the turkey.Copy !req
143. Oh, yeah. This way.
Come on.Copy !req
144. Right over there.Copy !req
145. Thank you.Copy !req
146. Here we go.Copy !req
147. Burn the turkey?Copy !req
148. Coffee?Copy !req
149. No, thank you, Judy.Copy !req
150. What do you say
we start out
with cold glassesCopy !req
151. of delicious seasonal
favorite eggnog?Copy !req
152. I don't like eggnog.Copy !req
153. We're out.Copy !req
154. Coffee. Decaf.Copy !req
155. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
156. I'll have
chocolate milk, please.Copy !req
157. We're out.Copy !req
158. Plain milk's fine.Copy !req
159. Okay.Copy !req
160. At least we know
they got hot apple pie.Copy !req
161. We did.Copy !req
162. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
163. This is nice.Copy !req
164. "And Mama
in her kerchief
and I in my capCopy !req
165. "had just settled down
for a long winter's nap.Copy !req
166. "When out on the lawn
there arose such a clatter,Copy !req
167. "I sprang from my bed
to see what was the matter.Copy !req
168. "Away to the window
I flew like a flash.Copy !req
169. "With a miniature
sleigh and St. Nick...Copy !req
170. "And Prancer and Dancer...Copy !req
171. "... and to all a good night."Copy !req
172. What's that?Copy !req
173. What's what?Copy !req
174. "A Rose Suchak ladder"?Copy !req
175. It's not a ladder.
I said,
"Arose such a clatter."Copy !req
176. It means,
"Came a big noise."Copy !req
177. What?Copy !req
178. Charlie, "arose" is a word
that means "it came,"Copy !req
179. and "clatter"
is a big noise.Copy !req
180. Now please,
go to sleep.
Shut your eyes.Copy !req
181. How do reindeer fly?
They don't have any wings.Copy !req
182. Fairy dust.Copy !req
183. That's from
Peter Pan, Dad.Copy !req
184. Horns.Copy !req
185. Antlers.Copy !req
186. Whatever.
Their antlers give them...Copy !req
187. You know,
there's a slipstream effect.Copy !req
188. The air goes...
They move...
They're weightless.Copy !req
189. But if Santa's so fat,
how did he get down
the chimneys?Copy !req
190. He sucks it in
like Grandpa.Copy !req
191. What about people
who don't have
fireplaces?Copy !req
192. How does he get
into their house?Copy !req
193. Charlie, sometimes believing
in something means you...Copy !req
194. Means you just
believe in it.Copy !req
195. Santa uses reindeer
to fly becauseCopy !req
196. that's how he
has to get around.Copy !req
197. But you do believe
in Santa, right, Dad?Copy !req
198. Of course I believe in Santa.
Now please, go to sleep.Copy !req
199. Dad?Copy !req
200. What is it, Charlie?Copy !req
201. Maybe you better
leave some cookies
and milk out,Copy !req
202. just in case, okay?Copy !req
203. Great. I'll just
go preheat the oven.Copy !req
204. And don't forget
the fire extinguisher.Copy !req
205. Good night, Charlie.Copy !req
206. Ho!Copy !req
207. Settle down there.Copy !req
208. Dad! Dad!Copy !req
209. What?Copy !req
210. I heard a clatter!Copy !req
211. What, Charlie?Copy !req
212. There! A clatter.Copy !req
213. Charlie, what're you
talking about?Copy !req
214. You know,
"It came a big noise"?Copy !req
215. It's coming from outside!Copy !req
216. Charlie, it's just
the wind or something.Copy !req
217. Come on,
let's go back to bed.Copy !req
218. Somebody's on the roof.Copy !req
219. Maybe it's Santa.Copy !req
220. Not now, Charlie.
I want you to sit here,Copy !req
221. and I want you
to stay right there.Copy !req
222. Charlie, do you know
how to call 911?Copy !req
223. Sure. 911.Copy !req
224. Yeah, great. Stay there.Copy !req
225. Hey, you!Copy !req
226. Oops! Whoa!Copy !req
227. Whoa, whoa!Copy !req
228. Whoa!Copy !req
229. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
230. Hey, buddy.Copy !req
231. All right.
You should just
stay still. Perfect.Copy !req
232. You got him!Copy !req
233. Charlie,
stay where you are.Copy !req
234. Charlie, would you
listen to me?
Stay up there!Copy !req
235. It is Santa!
You killed him.Copy !req
236. Did not!
It is not Santa.Copy !req
237. Well, he was.Copy !req
238. He's got some
ID on him, I bet.Copy !req
239. Fella, if you
can hear me,Copy !req
240. I'm just looking for
your identification.Copy !req
241. Once I figure out
who you are,Copy !req
242. I'll give you a lift back
to the mall.Copy !req
243. "If something
should happen to me,
put on my suit.Copy !req
244. "The reindeer
will know what to do."Copy !req
245. Yeah, right.Copy !req
246. Whoa.Copy !req
247. Dad!Copy !req
248. Hey.Copy !req
249. He disappeared!Copy !req
250. Whoa.Copy !req
251. He's naked somewhere.Copy !req
252. You gonna put on the suit
like the card said?Copy !req
253. Are you?
No. No.Copy !req
254. Come on, Dad.
I wanna go, too.Copy !req
255. Stop it, Charlie.
We're not going anywhere.Copy !req
256. You never do
what I wanna do!Copy !req
257. Would you please
be quiet for a minute
so I can figure this out?Copy !req
258. Reindeer up on the roof.Copy !req
259. Santa suit
laying on the ground.Copy !req
260. Guy fell. Not my fault.Copy !req
261. Reindeer on the roof.
That is hard to explain.Copy !req
262. It's the ladder.Copy !req
263. Where the hell'd
this come from?Copy !req
264. Look here, Dad.
"The Rose Suchak
Ladder Company."Copy !req
265. Huh?Copy !req
266. "Out by the roof
there's a Rose
Suchak ladder."Copy !req
267. Just like the poem.Copy !req
268. Just like the poem?Copy !req
269. Charlie,
come on down from there.
Charlie, get down from there!Copy !req
270. Dad! You gotta see this!Copy !req
271. Don't touch anything.Copy !req
272. It's great!Copy !req
273. I'm just gonna
call the police.Copy !req
274. I'll carry this
stuff up there.Copy !req
275. Let them deal
with it, okay?Copy !req
276. Whoa.Copy !req
277. This guy was huge.Copy !req
278. Dad, isn't this neat?Copy !req
279. Charlie. Charlie!
Stay away from those things.Copy !req
280. They're reindeer.
You don't know
where they've been.Copy !req
281. They all look like
they've got
key lime disease.Copy !req
282. Easy, Rudolph.Copy !req
283. Excuse me. Comet.Copy !req
284. Dad! Check out
Santa's sleigh!Copy !req
285. There's no such thing
as Santa's sleigh.Copy !req
286. Sure there is.
You said you
believed in Santa.Copy !req
287. Right?Copy !req
288. I did? I do!Copy !req
289. What about the reindeer?Copy !req
290. These are Santa's
reindeer, aren't they?Copy !req
291. I hope not.Copy !req
292. These areCopy !req
293. a gift.Copy !req
294. Probably from
the cable company.Copy !req
295. We're getting
the Disney Channel now.
Merry Christmas.Copy !req
296. Now, hop out
of there, please.Copy !req
297. I don't wanna go.Copy !req
298. Listen, Charlie,
I'm not kidding.Copy !req
299. Let's go!Copy !req
300. Yeah, let's go!Copy !req
301. Charlie!Copy !req
302. Hold on, Charlie!Copy !req
303. Whoa!Copy !req
304. Giddyap, Comet!
Whoa, let's go!Copy !req
305. Dad, climb up here.Copy !req
306. There we go.Copy !req
307. So, if we go straight
on this road
and we hit I-94...Copy !req
308. Well, we made good time.
Now what do we do?Copy !req
309. Get the bag of toys!Copy !req
310. And do what?Copy !req
311. Go down the chimney.Copy !req
312. Down the chimney!Copy !req
313. You want me
to take the toys
down the chimneyCopy !req
314. into a strange house
in my underwear?Copy !req
315. No. You got to put
the suit on first.Copy !req
316. You know what
we're gonna do,Copy !req
317. is we're gonna
get out of hereCopy !req
318. because this
whole thing is stupid.Copy !req
319. How come everything
I want to do is stupid?Copy !req
320. I didn't say that.Copy !req
321. Freezing my nubs
off out here,Copy !req
322. and you want me to get
into a Santa costume.Copy !req
323. This is great.
A Santa costume.Copy !req
324. Oh, this thing.
You never know
where it's been.Copy !req
325. A thousand malls.Copy !req
326. Well, I hope
you're happy, Comet.Copy !req
327. Hope you're happy.
But most of all,Copy !req
328. I hope the guy that
lives here is a tailor!Copy !req
329. Nice coat.Copy !req
330. Well, how do I look? Nice?Copy !req
331. You forgot the sash.Copy !req
332. You're right.Copy !req
333. This completes
the ensemble.Copy !req
334. All right. Got my boots.Copy !req
335. Now I've got the suit on.Copy !req
336. How am I supposed to
know what to leave?Copy !req
337. Maybe there's a list.Copy !req
338. A list. How silly of me.
Of course there's a list.Copy !req
339. Careful, Dad!Copy !req
340. I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay!Copy !req
341. Look! You're flying!Copy !req
342. It's okay, I'm used to it.
I lived through the '60s.Copy !req
343. Whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
344. Nice teeth.Copy !req
345. Who's down there?Copy !req
346. It's the holidays.
Come on, come on.Copy !req
347. Hey, Charles!
Need a little
help down here!Copy !req
348. Whoa!Copy !req
349. How'd you do that?
What'd it feel like, Dad?Copy !req
350. It felt like
America's Most Wanted!Copy !req
351. Now pull me in, quick!
We gotta get outta here.Copy !req
352. Thanks. We gotta go home.
How do you start this thing?Copy !req
353. Just like that!Copy !req
354. Whoa.Copy !req
355. This could be
a really long night.Copy !req
356. Do it again, Dad.Copy !req
357. Please?Copy !req
358. I can't.
That thing's empty.Copy !req
359. There's nothing
in the bag.Copy !req
360. Even if there was,
didn't you notice
there's no chimney?Copy !req
361. Where there's no chimney,
there's no fireplace.Copy !req
362. Are you growling at me?Copy !req
363. Look, Comet, like I said,
there is nothing left...Copy !req
364. That's so weird,
because I know
when I did that...Copy !req
365. No, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
366. Hold it!
There's no chimney here!Copy !req
367. Can you hear me?
No chimney, all right?Copy !req
368. Looking good, Dad!Copy !req
369. You have got to
be kidding!Copy !req
370. Come on! Look at
the size of this thing!Copy !req
371. Weird! Ow.Copy !req
372. Santa?Copy !req
373. Scott Calvin.Copy !req
374. How come your
clothes are so baggy?Copy !req
375. Because Santa
is watching
his saturated fats.Copy !req
376. How come you
don't have a beard?Copy !req
377. Because I shaved!Copy !req
378. Do you want this
doll or not?
Go back to sleep.Copy !req
379. You're supposed
to drink the milk.Copy !req
380. Look, I am
lactose intolerant.Copy !req
381. And I am just about
this close to takingCopy !req
382. all those presents
back up the chimney.Copy !req
383. "Supposed to
drink the milk"!Copy !req
384. Shut your eyes!Copy !req
385. Oh!Copy !req
386. How do you get in
without a fireplace?Copy !req
387. I don't know.Copy !req
388. One just
kind of appeared.Copy !req
389. Awesome!Copy !req
390. Oh, boy!Copy !req
391. Charlie, look at
the clouds over here.
Aren't they pretty?Copy !req
392. Charlie!Copy !req
393. Yah!Copy !req
394. All right.
Morning, fellas.Copy !req
395. Morning, sport.
We're done, Comet.
Ho-ho-ho.Copy !req
396. Back to the house.Copy !req
397. Merry Christmas to all
and to all a good night.Copy !req
398. When I wake up,
I'm getting a CAT scan!Copy !req
399. Is this okay, Dad?Copy !req
400. No, it's not okay!Copy !req
401. Hey, does this look like
home to you guys?Copy !req
402. No, no! No, no, no, no!Copy !req
403. Hey, hey!
Where you going?
Come back here!Copy !req
404. Oh.Copy !req
405. Hey, hey! Hey, buddy!Copy !req
406. You, sir! Hey!Copy !req
407. Can you hear me?Copy !req
408. What's that?Copy !req
409. I don't know.Copy !req
410. I think it's the North Pole.Copy !req
411. That's the North Pole?Copy !req
412. Hey, buddy,
we need some help.Copy !req
413. Hello! What are you doing?Copy !req
414. Hey, look!
Here comes the new Santa!Copy !req
415. Sit back.Copy !req
416. Where are all
the grownups?Copy !req
417. This is so cool!Copy !req
418. Stay here.Copy !req
419. Hey, kid, kid.
Kid, who's in charge here?Copy !req
420. You are.
And I'm not a kid.Copy !req
421. I've pointy shoes that are
older than you. I'm an elf.Copy !req
422. You guys, or you girls.Copy !req
423. Who gives the orders?
Who's your boss?Copy !req
424. You are.
No, no, no.Copy !req
425. Who's the head elf?Copy !req
426. You are!Copy !req
427. Hey! Who's causing
all the trouble
around here?Copy !req
428. He is.
She is.Copy !req
429. Excuse me,
are we on a coffee break?Copy !req
430. We don't drink coffee.Copy !req
431. Then I guess
the break is over.Copy !req
432. Back to work. Thanks.Copy !req
433. Take it easy on her,
will ya? Who are you?Copy !req
434. I'm Bernard.
Nice to meet ya, Santa.Copy !req
435. I'm not Santa!
I've had a rough night.Copy !req
436. There's been dogs barking,
guns going off.Copy !req
437. Look, my back's
killing me.Copy !req
438. Have you ever tried
to shove a sea kayak
down a chimney?Copy !req
439. I'm tired of this
small talk.Copy !req
440. Hmm.Copy !req
441. The other Santa
disappeared, right?Copy !req
442. Wait a minute. Hey!
I know where this is going.Copy !req
443. It wasn't my fault.
The other guy fell.
It was an accident.Copy !req
444. I've got homeowner's
insurance and
a good attorney.Copy !req
445. Not as good as my wife's,
but let's not
open up that wound.Copy !req
446. Hold it a minute.
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
447. How did you know
the other guy was gone?Copy !req
448. Can I get you a drink?Copy !req
449. No, I don't want a drink.Copy !req
450. I'm thirsty,
and hungry, too.Copy !req
451. Charlie, I thought
I told you to stay
in the sleigh.Copy !req
452. Who's this?Copy !req
453. This is my son, Charlie.Copy !req
454. I'm sorry. Charlie,
this is...Copy !req
455. Bernard.
Bernard.Copy !req
456. Hi, Bernard.Copy !req
457. Hiya, sport.Copy !req
458. Hey, Dad,
he called me "sport"Copy !req
459. just like you.
Wonderful.Copy !req
460. Hey, you know what?
I got something for you.Copy !req
461. Okay, now hold out
your hand, all right?Copy !req
462. Now, be very careful.
This is very old,
just like me.Copy !req
463. Shake it up, Charlie.Copy !req
464. Wow.Copy !req
465. Why don't you
hold onto it
for me for a while?Copy !req
466. It might come in handy.Copy !req
467. Thanks. Thanks a lot.Copy !req
468. I promise I'll take
real good care of it.Copy !req
469. Make sure you do.Copy !req
470. I will.Copy !req
471. Hey, Dad, look!Copy !req
472. Fabulous ball.
Hey, Barabbas.Copy !req
473. Bernard!
Bernard.Copy !req
474. Can we take
a direct flight
back to realityCopy !req
475. or do we have to change
planes in Denver?Copy !req
476. Larry, take Charlie here
and get him some chow.Copy !req
477. No, Larry,
don't do that. Charlie!Copy !req
478. He'll be okay.
Follow me, you'll want to
get out of those clothes.Copy !req
479. I... No, look, Barnaby,
I just want to go home.Copy !req
480. Look, I am not
Santa Claus!Copy !req
481. Ah.Copy !req
482. Did you or did you not
read the card?Copy !req
483. Yeah, I read the card.Copy !req
484. Then you're
the new Santa.Copy !req
485. In putting on
the hat and jacket,
you accepted the contract.Copy !req
486. What contract?Copy !req
487. The card
in the Santa suit.Copy !req
488. You said
you read it, right?Copy !req
489. So when you
put on the suit,Copy !req
490. you fell subject
to the Santa Clause.Copy !req
491. Here.
The Santa Claus?Copy !req
492. You mean the guy
that fell off my roof?Copy !req
493. No, no, no.
Not Santa Claus the person,
Santa Clause the clause.Copy !req
494. What?Copy !req
495. Look, you're
a businessman, right?Copy !req
496. Yeah.
Okay.Copy !req
497. A clause, as in the
last line of a contract.Copy !req
498. You got the card?Copy !req
499. Okay, look.Copy !req
500. The Santa Clause,Copy !req
501. "In putting on
this suit and
entering the sleigh,Copy !req
502. "the wearer waives any
and all rights to any
previous identity,Copy !req
503. "real or implied,Copy !req
504. "and fully accepts
the duties
and responsibilitiesCopy !req
505. "of Santa Claus
in perpetuityCopy !req
506. "until such time
that wearer becomes
unable to do soCopy !req
507. "by either
accident or design."Copy !req
508. What does that mean?Copy !req
509. It means you
put on the suit,
you're the big guy.Copy !req
510. That's ridiculous.
I didn't put on
a suit just to...Copy !req
511. Try to understand this!Copy !req
512. Ooh.Copy !req
513. Let me explain
something to you, okay?Copy !req
514. Toys have to be delivered.
I'm not gonna do it.Copy !req
515. It's not my job.
I'm just an elf.Copy !req
516. It's Santa's job,
but Santa fell off
a roof, your roof.Copy !req
517. You read the card,
you put on the suit.Copy !req
518. That clearly falls under
the Santa Clause.Copy !req
519. Now you're Santa, okay?Copy !req
520. A question.Copy !req
521. What?
When can I get outta here?Copy !req
522. Dad, you gotta
see this place!Copy !req
523. You leave tomorrow morning.Copy !req
524. You have 11 months
to get your affairs in order,Copy !req
525. and you're due back here
Thanksgiving.Copy !req
526. I'm not coming back here
on Thanksgiving.Copy !req
527. I'll ship the list
to your house.Copy !req
528. What list?Copy !req
529. Come on, now. The list.Copy !req
530. Ugh. Look, you put
a "P" next to the kids
who are niceCopy !req
531. and a "C" next to
the naughty ones.Copy !req
532. "P" and "C"?Copy !req
533. Yeah! "P" for present,
"C" for coal,
right, Bernard?Copy !req
534. Right!Copy !req
535. Wait a minute!
How do I know
who's good and bad?Copy !req
536. You'll know.Copy !req
537. What if I don't
wanna do this?Copy !req
538. Don't even kid about
a thing like that!Copy !req
539. Why not?Copy !req
540. What if I don't buy into this
Santa Claus thing?Copy !req
541. What if I choose
not to believe it?Copy !req
542. Then there would be
millions of
disappointed childrenCopy !req
543. around the world.Copy !req
544. You see,
children hold the
spirit of ChristmasCopy !req
545. within their hearts.Copy !req
546. You wouldn't want
to be responsibleCopy !req
547. for killing the spirit
of Christmas, now,
would you, Santa?Copy !req
548. Judy will take you
to your room.Copy !req
549. Get out of the suit,
it needs to be cleaned.Copy !req
550. And taken in.Copy !req
551. Then get some sleep.Copy !req
552. We've got a lot of
work to do and only
a year in which to do it.Copy !req
553. Judy.Copy !req
554. Santa.Copy !req
555. Scott Calvin.Copy !req
556. Follow me.Copy !req
557. I'll just take
the next train.Copy !req
558. Dad, come on!Copy !req
559. Charlie!Copy !req
560. Come on, Dad!Copy !req
561. Charlie, wait up!Copy !req
562. That's funny.
I like that.Copy !req
563. I like that, too.
But I don't like...Copy !req
564. Wow.Copy !req
565. Can I get you anything?
The kitchen's always open.Copy !req
566. How about
a stiff drink?Copy !req
567. You should
get some sleep.Copy !req
568. Here are your pajamas.
I'll be right back.Copy !req
569. Look, Judy.
Look over there.Copy !req
570. Look over there. I know.Copy !req
571. Look over there.
There's a canoe.
Yeah, it's true.Copy !req
572. Look, there's an emu!Copy !req
573. Look at him!
Shoo!Copy !req
574. Santa?Copy !req
575. Scott Calvin.Copy !req
576. I brought you
some cocoa.Copy !req
577. No, thanks.Copy !req
578. My own recipe.
Took me 1,200 years
to get it right.Copy !req
579. 1,200 years?Copy !req
580. That's right.Copy !req
581. You know, I must say,
you look pretty good
for your age.Copy !req
582. Thanks, but I'm seeing
someone in wrapping.Copy !req
583. Okay.Copy !req
584. Mmm.Copy !req
585. Hmm.Copy !req
586. This is good.Copy !req
587. This is really good.Copy !req
588. Not too hot,
extra chocolate,
shaken, not stirred.Copy !req
589. You look distressed.Copy !req
590. Distressed?
I'm way past distressed.Copy !req
591. Why's that?Copy !req
592. I'm talking to an elf!Copy !req
593. And I stopped believing
in Santa Claus
a long time ago.Copy !req
594. That's not surprising.
Most grownups
can't believe in magic.Copy !req
595. It just sort of
grows out of them.Copy !req
596. Look, you're
a nice little elf.Copy !req
597. Thanks.Copy !req
598. But this is a dream.Copy !req
599. I mean, this is fabulous.Copy !req
600. Is that a polar bear
directing traffic
down there?Copy !req
601. I see it,
but I don't believe it.Copy !req
602. You're
missing the point.Copy !req
603. What is the point?Copy !req
604. Seeing isn't believing,
believing is seeing.Copy !req
605. Kids don't have
to see this place
to know that it's here.Copy !req
606. They just know.Copy !req
607. Well, you should
get some rest.
Good night, sir.Copy !req
608. Dad!Copy !req
609. Dad!Copy !req
610. Wake up, sleepy!Copy !req
611. Come on, get up!Copy !req
612. Dad!
Mmm.Copy !req
613. Dad!Copy !req
614. Dad!Copy !req
615. Come on, Dad, come on!Copy !req
616. See all the neat toys!Copy !req
617. Stop shaking me, Charlie.Copy !req
618. Come on, get up, get up!Copy !req
619. Okay.Copy !req
620. Come on,
it's Christmas morning.Copy !req
621. Great! Go make
some coffee.Copy !req
622. Come on, Dad, let's go!Copy !req
623. Okay.Copy !req
624. Are you okay, Dad?Copy !req
625. Yeah. Just fine, just fine.Copy !req
626. Are you having
a heart attack?
I know CPR.Copy !req
627. No, I was just...Copy !req
628. S.C.Copy !req
629. Yeah, Santa Claus.Copy !req
630. Hey. Same initials
as your name, Dad.Copy !req
631. Scott Calvin.Copy !req
632. What?Copy !req
633. Oh, Charlie!
Merry Christmas, honey.Copy !req
634. Did you have a good time?Copy !req
635. Great time! The best!Copy !req
636. Great. Scott,
nice P.J.s.
Very festive.Copy !req
637. Where'd you get them?Copy !req
638. I don't know.Copy !req
639. Judy gave them to you.Copy !req
640. Judy. Really.Copy !req
641. Who?Copy !req
642. Up at the North Pole.Copy !req
643. Ah. One of
Santa's little helpers.Copy !req
644. Last night,
Dad and me went
with the flying reindeer.Copy !req
645. It was really neat, Mom.
Dad was Santa,Copy !req
646. and Larry showed me
the workshop.Copy !req
647. You know,
where they make
all the toys?Copy !req
648. Gee, thanks
for keeping his
feet on the ground.Copy !req
649. You bet.Copy !req
650. Honey, you go wait
in the car for a minute.
I'll be right there.Copy !req
651. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
652. Bye, Dad. Thanks
for a great night
at the North Pole.Copy !req
653. So...Copy !req
654. What have you
been telling him?Copy !req
655. Nothing.Copy !req
656. It's just... I had
this really strange dreamCopy !req
657. and I must've told him
all about it.Copy !req
658. Wait.Copy !req
659. Charlie.
Scott.Copy !req
660. Hi, Dad.
Nice jammies.Copy !req
661. Thanks. About what
you said in the house...Copy !req
662. Who showed you
the workshop?
The elf.Copy !req
663. How'd I get the pajamas?Copy !req
664. I told you. Judy.Copy !req
665. Oh, wait, wait.Copy !req
666. Judy was
the name of the waitress
at the restaurant last night.Copy !req
667. Some waitress
gave you pajamas?Copy !req
668. What's this all about?Copy !req
669. Dad took me to the North Pole,
and Larry showed me
the workshop.Copy !req
670. The North Pole!Copy !req
671. Yeah. Dad's the new Santa.Copy !req
672. The regular Santa
fell off the roof
and Dad put on the suit.Copy !req
673. Charlie, we'll discuss
this at home.Copy !req
674. The clause.
The Santa Clause.Copy !req
675. It's just a dream.Copy !req
676. Stuff like that
doesn't happen.Copy !req
677. It was a dream. Come on!Copy !req
678. I don't even wear pajamas.
Normally I sleep naked.
Buck naked! Ha!Copy !req
679. Morning, Mrs. McGloin.
Mary Catherine.Copy !req
680. MRS.
Eyes front,
Mary Catherine!Copy !req
681. Sometimes boxer shorts.
You know.Copy !req
682. So, remember, kids,Copy !req
683. there is nothing more painful
than third degree burns.Copy !req
684. Well, thank you,
Fireman O'Hara.Copy !req
685. And I think the whole class
will join me in sayingCopy !req
686. sorry about your partner.Copy !req
687. Well, perhaps
this is a good time to
bring up the psychiatrist.Copy !req
688. Charlie, would you like
to introduce your...Copy !req
689. Dr. Miller!Copy !req
690. Can I ask Dad
to go first?Copy !req
691. Well, if that's how
you feel, Charlie.Copy !req
692. That's how he feels, Neal.
Come on.
Nice sweater, buddy.Copy !req
693. This is my dad,
Scott Calvin.Copy !req
694. He's got a really neat job.Copy !req
695. Thank you, Charlie.Copy !req
696. My dad is Santa Claus.Copy !req
697. Oh, boy.Copy !req
698. I think what he means is,
I'm like Santa Claus.Copy !req
699. We're both giving,
we're both jolly,Copy !req
700. and we both work
very hard one day
a year.Copy !req
701. Oh, boy!Copy !req
702. That's not
what I mean, Dad.Copy !req
703. Look, on Christmas Eve,
my dad pushed
Santa off the roof.Copy !req
704. No, Charlie.
Santa disappearedCopy !req
705. and my dad took his place.
Charlie!Copy !req
706. Then I went with him
to deliver all the presents.Copy !req
707. Then the reindeer flew us
to the North Pole
where the head elfCopy !req
708. Bernard gave me this.
Charlie...Copy !req
709. Look, I work for
a toy company.Copy !req
710. I deliver toys
all over the country.Copy !req
711. So, in a way,
I'm like Santa Claus.Copy !req
712. Yes, sweetheart?Copy !req
713. Do you make the toys?Copy !req
714. No, stupid,
the elves do!Copy !req
715. Bobby, we don't say "stupid,"Copy !req
716. and we don't say "elves."
They're "little people."Copy !req
717. No, but they
really are elves.Copy !req
718. Whatever, honey.Copy !req
719. Which one's your
favorite reindeer?Copy !req
720. Comet.Copy !req
721. I don't have a favorite.Copy !req
722. So, let me get
this straight, Santa.Copy !req
723. You mean, when I grow up,
if I wanna be Santa Claus,Copy !req
724. all I gotta do is
push you off a roof?Copy !req
725. He said that
it was the best
Christmas he ever had?Copy !req
726. Oh, big surprise!Copy !req
727. It's just nice to
hear it from him.
Is that a problem with you?Copy !req
728. All right. So?Copy !req
729. May I speak, please?
I am a doctor.Copy !req
730. No, he's not.
He's a psychiatrist.Copy !req
731. Please.
Go ahead, Dr. Miller.Copy !req
732. I guess we know
who's the teacher's pet.Copy !req
733. Scott! Oh, grow up.Copy !req
734. The reason we're here
is that this is
far more seriousCopy !req
735. than a boy believing
or not believing
in Santa Claus.Copy !req
736. That's right,
because Charlie thinksCopy !req
737. that this whole thing
actually happened.Copy !req
738. Scott, what was
the last thing
you and Charlie didCopy !req
739. before you went to bed
Christmas Eve?Copy !req
740. We shared a bowl of sugar,
did some shots
of brown liquor,Copy !req
741. played with my shotguns,
field dressed a cat,Copy !req
742. looked for women.Copy !req
743. I read him a book!Copy !req
744. What book?Copy !req
745. Hollywood Wives.Copy !req
746. The Night Before
Christmas, folks.
Come on!Copy !req
747. And did you go
to the North Pole?Copy !req
748. This is ridiculous.
I don't have time for this.Copy !req
749. Ridiculous or not, Scott,Copy !req
750. for Charlie,
this isn't some
dream, it is real.Copy !req
751. You need to
sit down with Charlie.Copy !req
752. Explain to him
you are not Santa Claus.Copy !req
753. They're like the bears
at the North Pole, Dad.Copy !req
754. Charlie,
I already told you,Copy !req
755. we did not go to
the North Pole.Copy !req
756. That was a dream.Copy !req
757. You're in denial, Dad.Copy !req
758. Denial!
You don't even know
what that means.Copy !req
759. Well, you are.
I know what happened.Copy !req
760. How do you know that? How?
You don't have any proof.Copy !req
761. Proof?Copy !req
762. Why can't we both think of it
as just a great dream
and forget about it?Copy !req
763. What about this?
Remember all
the neat stuff inside?Copy !req
764. Charlie, this is a toy.Copy !req
765. We used to make
things like this at work,Copy !req
766. but no one bought 'em.Copy !req
767. Here. I don't want
to talk about this anymore.Copy !req
768. I know who
you are, Dad.Copy !req
769. You'll figure it out
soon enough.Copy !req
770. There are a lot of kids
that believe in you.Copy !req
771. You can't let them down.Copy !req
772. Charlie, you're wrong.Copy !req
773. What's so funny?Copy !req
774. Nothing.Copy !req
775. Come on, Dancer.
Come on, Prancer.Copy !req
776. We can't stop.Copy !req
777. But I have to go
to the bathroom!Copy !req
778. I told you, should've
gone before we left
the North Pole.Copy !req
779. Whoa.Copy !req
780. Right here.
Turn over here.Copy !req
781. Where is he?Copy !req
782. Well, he could be
in his room jumping up
and down on his bed,Copy !req
783. wearing a red hat
and galoshes.Copy !req
784. I don't care
what Neal's doing.
Where's Charlie?Copy !req
785. Oh, I see, I see.Copy !req
786. Well, if you can't be
father of the year,Copy !req
787. why not be
Father Christmas, huh?Copy !req
788. Charlie,
it's just not logical.Copy !req
789. How can one man,
in one night,Copy !req
790. visit all the children
of the world?Copy !req
791. Not everyone
celebrates Christmas.Copy !req
792. And I think there's
some sort of
time continuumCopy !req
793. that breaks down once
Santa's in his sleigh.Copy !req
794. What about fireplaces?
A lot of people
don't have them.Copy !req
795. How does Santa
visit those people?Copy !req
796. He turns into Jell-O
and...Copy !req
797. The fireplace kind of
appears and he goes
through it like this.Copy !req
798. What about the reindeer?Copy !req
799. Have you ever seen
a reindeer fly?Copy !req
800. Yes.
Well, I haven't.Copy !req
801. Have you ever seen
$1 million?Copy !req
802. No.Copy !req
803. Just because
you haven't seen itCopy !req
804. doesn't mean
it doesn't exist.Copy !req
805. Hi, Neal. Howdy, sport.Copy !req
806. Hi, Dad.
You wanna take a walk?Copy !req
807. I wanna talk to you.Copy !req
808. Sure. I'll get my coat.Copy !req
809. Okay, hustle up.Copy !req
810. Scott?
Can I have a minute?Copy !req
811. Sure.Copy !req
812. I think Charlie
is conflicted
at the moment.Copy !req
813. Wow. Really?Copy !req
814. Boy. Hmm.Copy !req
815. Appreciate your analysis,
I really do.Copy !req
816. Boy, you got more
important things to
worry about, you know.Copy !req
817. Like, where are you
gonna get more sweatersCopy !req
818. after the circus
pulls out of town?Copy !req
819. Scott! I mean,
you're not listening.Copy !req
820. We are very
concerned about this.Copy !req
821. Concerned about what?Copy !req
822. This...Copy !req
823. If Charlie
spending time with you
is the best thing for him.Copy !req
824. You were right about
the sweater, okay?Copy !req
825. Do you think
by next yearCopy !req
826. I'll be big enough
to drive the sleigh
all by myself?Copy !req
827. No!Copy !req
828. But I've been practicing.Copy !req
829. No, that's not what
I'm talking about.Copy !req
830. Charlie, hold on
a second.Copy !req
831. We've got
to talk about this
Santa Claus thing.Copy !req
832. Charlie, there is no...Copy !req
833. No what, Dad?Copy !req
834. There's no reasonCopy !req
835. why we have
to tell anybody
about the North Pole.Copy !req
836. Why not?Copy !req
837. Well, sometimes
some things, big things,Copy !req
838. should remain unsaid,
like between two people...Copy !req
839. Oh, you mean like a secret.Copy !req
840. Yes. Like a secret.
Let's keep it secret.Copy !req
841. How come?Copy !req
842. Because of Mom and Neal.Copy !req
843. Not just because of them.
There's school.Copy !req
844. Everybody thinks...
No, it's not
important what they think.Copy !req
845. It...Copy !req
846. How does five bucks
sound to ya?Copy !req
847. This is something
I really want you
to do for me, sport.Copy !req
848. I want to keep this secret.
Will ya do that, please?Copy !req
849. Okay, Dad.Copy !req
850. All right.Copy !req
851. Great.Copy !req
852. You don't have to
worry about the
Santa Claus thing anymore.Copy !req
853. So when do I get
the five bucks?Copy !req
854. 15 in the morning.
It's gonna be a beautiful day.Copy !req
855. Spend the day
with me, Larry B.Copy !req
856. Oof!Copy !req
857. Huh?Copy !req
858. Something's wrong
with the mirror.Copy !req
859. What?Copy !req
860. Something's wrong
with the scale!Copy !req
861. Excuse me, excuse me.Copy !req
862. I'll have a field
green salad and...
Oh, my God.Copy !req
863. What the...Copy !req
864. What? Scott?Copy !req
865. MR. Calvin?Copy !req
866. Sorry, the dry cleaner
in my neighborhoodCopy !req
867. went up in smoke,
some big chemical fire.Copy !req
868. All my clothes, poof, gone.Copy !req
869. God. Your...
Your weight.Copy !req
870. What happened?Copy !req
871. Bee sting.
Evidently, I'm allergic.Copy !req
872. Almost killed me.
But the guy at the
emergency room saysCopy !req
873. the swelling
will go down.Copy !req
874. I hope.
So, did I miss anything?Copy !req
875. No, we were just
about to order lunch.Copy !req
876. Great! I'm starving.Copy !req
877. I'll have a salad
and ice tea and
dressing on the side.Copy !req
878. Pasta and tomatoes
and very light on the oil.
Can you do that?Copy !req
879. And I'll have a Caesar.
No dressing.Copy !req
880. And one of those
homemade cookies,Copy !req
881. the warm chocolate chip.
No nuts.Copy !req
882. And a little slice of
cheesecake, creme brulee,Copy !req
883. and hot fudge sundae,
extra hot fudge.Copy !req
884. On the side.Copy !req
885. Anything to drink?Copy !req
886. Ice-cold milk.Copy !req
887. Stung by a bee, Scott?Copy !req
888. A big bee.Copy !req
889. Finished?Copy !req
890. Okay, now, remember.
This is just a storyboard.Copy !req
891. But here is ourCopy !req
892. preliminary
Total Tank TV spot.Copy !req
893. Okay, now, we've got Santa.
He's up in the North Pole.Copy !req
894. He's getting ready
for Christmas!Copy !req
895. Oh, no.Copy !req
896. Problem?Copy !req
897. It's just a little thing.
The elves.Copy !req
898. What about the elves?Copy !req
899. They look so funny.Copy !req
900. They're supposed
to look funny.
They're elves.Copy !req
901. Just my opinion.Copy !req
902. Can't they look
a little youngerCopy !req
903. with silver specks
on their cheeks?Copy !req
904. Can we continue here?Copy !req
905. Okay, now this year,
Santa's not
going out in a sleigh.Copy !req
906. This time
he's going Total Tank!Copy !req
907. Wait a minute!
No way!Copy !req
908. No way Santa's
going anywhere
without his sleigh.Copy !req
909. He would if he's trying
to sell the Total Tank.Copy !req
910. Well, isn't that
a pretty picture?Copy !req
911. Santa rolling down
the block in a panzer.Copy !req
912. Well, kids, I certainly
hope you've been
good this year.Copy !req
913. 'Cause it looks like
Santa just took out
the Pearson home.Copy !req
914. Incoming!
Oh, please.Copy !req
915. And another thing.
What about the reindeer?Copy !req
916. Reindeer and Santa.
Santa and reindeer.Copy !req
917. It's kind of
a package deal.Copy !req
918. Calvin.Copy !req
919. You don't believe
in Santa, do you?Copy !req
920. Calvin, can we get back
to the presentation?Copy !req
921. I'm not done yet.Copy !req
922. Since we've opened
this box,Copy !req
923. have any of you tried
to build the Total Tank?Copy !req
924. It's got 10,000 parts,
and even if you
do get it together,Copy !req
925. it breaks 10 minutes later.Copy !req
926. Then you got to
spend more money
to buy more parts.Copy !req
927. I thought that was
the whole point.Copy !req
928. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
929. What we got to do
is develop a basic,
simple, inexpensive toyCopy !req
930. that will nurture
a child's creative thinking.Copy !req
931. Calvin...Copy !req
932. Here, try the brown ones.Copy !req
933. Can I see you
outside a minute?Copy !req
934. I don't know what's
happening to you.Copy !req
935. You're starting
to look like the
Pillsbury Doughboy.Copy !req
936. You're falling apart.Copy !req
937. I know! I know.Copy !req
938. I don't know
what came over me.Copy !req
939. Just get some help.
You should see
a doctor, a shrink.Copy !req
940. A dietitian, anything.
Just get some help.Copy !req
941. Okay, Scott.
The time is up.Copy !req
942. Whew!Copy !req
943. Get over here and
check your pulse.Copy !req
944. All right.Copy !req
945. Okay? Hmm.Copy !req
946. Ah.Copy !req
947. Ah.Copy !req
948. Well, nuts. I...Copy !req
949. Oh, no,
your pulse is great.Copy !req
950. I don't know, Scott.
You're as healthy
as a horse.Copy !req
951. Yeah. Clydesdale.Copy !req
952. Okay, look. So, what?
You put on a little weight.Copy !req
953. A little weight?
Does this look like
a little weight to you?Copy !req
954. Weight can fluctuate
from year to year.Copy !req
955. Fluctuate?
You make it sound like
I'm retaining water.Copy !req
956. I've gained
45 pounds in a week!Copy !req
957. Pete, what's
happening to me?Copy !req
958. What's your diet like?Copy !req
959. Milk and cookies.Copy !req
960. Really?
But I don't finish
all the milk.Copy !req
961. Well, then,
there is your problem.Copy !req
962. Just try to cut back
on the sweets. Okay?Copy !req
963. Anything else?Copy !req
964. Yeah. How fast
does hair grow?
Facial hair?Copy !req
965. What?Copy !req
966. I shave in the morning
and in the afternoon,
I look like this.Copy !req
967. Well, it could be
a hormonal imbalance.Copy !req
968. That would explain
the mood swings.Copy !req
969. Mood swings?Copy !req
970. Look at my hair.
It's turning gray.Copy !req
971. It's middle age, buddy.
It happens.Copy !req
972. And with that body,
you should be
thankful you have hair.Copy !req
973. Look, if it bothers you,
you can dye it,
and you should diet!Copy !req
974. Just kidding.Copy !req
975. Okay, up with the shirt.
Let's take a listen
to the old ticker.Copy !req
976. Whoa.Copy !req
977. Okay.Copy !req
978. Ooh. That's cold.Copy !req
979. Ah.Copy !req
980. Get it!Copy !req
981. What?Copy !req
982. I want some
ballet slippers.Copy !req
983. Hi, Mom.Copy !req
984. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.Copy !req
985. Hold on now.Copy !req
986. Wait a minute.
Wait, I'm not done.Copy !req
987. Fax me. Hi, hey.
This probably looks
pretty odd, doesn't it?Copy !req
988. These kids lined up
all by themselves.Copy !req
989. Scott, I think
it's safe to sayCopy !req
990. you're taking this
Santa thing to
an unhealthy level.Copy !req
991. Here's my card.
Call me.Copy !req
992. Scott, I really
have to tell youCopy !req
993. that this is
beginning to scare me.Copy !req
994. I never in my wildest...
Well, no, okay,
maybe my wildest...Copy !req
995. But certainly never
in my normal dreams...Copy !req
996. But then this is Scott
we're talking about.Copy !req
997. Laura, the point.Copy !req
998. I never thought
you would stoopCopy !req
999. to changing your
physical appearanceCopy !req
1000. in order to make
Charlie like you.Copy !req
1001. Do you have any concept
of how dangerous
this is to a little boy?Copy !req
1002. Whoa, whoa.
"How dangerous"?Copy !req
1003. Mom, what's the matter?Copy !req
1004. Come on, Charlie.
We're going home.Copy !req
1005. But we just started.Copy !req
1006. You let him stay. I'll go.Copy !req
1007. If you don't get your
act together, Scott,
so help me...Copy !req
1008. Watch it, folks.Copy !req
1009. Mom!
I will just...Copy !req
1010. Hi, there.
Hi.Copy !req
1011. I got a delivery for S.C.Copy !req
1012. You S.C.?Copy !req
1013. Scott Calvin,
that's me.Copy !req
1014. Sign here, please.Copy !req
1015. All right.Copy !req
1016. Thanks. I'll get
your packages.Copy !req
1017. Packages?Copy !req
1018. Yeah. There's
quite a few of them.Copy !req
1019. That's great.Copy !req
1020. I'll leave the door open.
Just leave them inside here.Copy !req
1021. Will do.Copy !req
1022. It's the list!Copy !req
1023. "Armand Assante"?Copy !req
1024. Yo!Copy !req
1025. Hold it! Hold...
Oh! Hold it!Copy !req
1026. You! You! Take that...
Come on! Come on!Copy !req
1027. Stay away from the truck.Copy !req
1028. What am I supposed
to do with all these
packages, guys? Come on!Copy !req
1029. You know, I knew it.Copy !req
1030. I knew that something
was going on. I just...Copy !req
1031. What I can't believe
is that he wouldCopy !req
1032. go behind our backs
all this time,Copy !req
1033. confusing
Charlie again just...Copy !req
1034. I... What are we
supposed to do?Copy !req
1035. Well, there's one
obvious alternative.Copy !req
1036. Okay.Copy !req
1037. Annie, nice.Copy !req
1038. Beep!Copy !req
1039. Johnny, naughty.Copy !req
1040. Johnny, wait up!Copy !req
1041. Gary, nice.Copy !req
1042. Veronica, very nice.Copy !req
1043. In your dreams,
sleigh boy.Copy !req
1044. Hmm?Copy !req
1045. I'm in big trouble.
Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
1046. Thank you.Copy !req
1047. Judge Wayland's office.Copy !req
1048. Charlie, do you mind
if I talk to you
for a minute?Copy !req
1049. It's okay, honey.
Come on.Copy !req
1050. We won't be long.Copy !req
1051. Are we doing
the right thing, Neal?Copy !req
1052. Something needs
to shake Scott.Copy !req
1053. Yeah, but...Copy !req
1054. But to take away
his visitation rights.Copy !req
1055. Honey, the man
is delusional.Copy !req
1056. Okay, okay.Copy !req
1057. So maybe I'm having
second thoughts,
kind of. I just...Copy !req
1058. I mean, what was
so bad about Charlie
believing in Santa?Copy !req
1059. Well, he's a little old.Copy !req
1060. Oh, come on, Laura.Copy !req
1061. Don't you remember
when you stopped
believing in Santa Claus?Copy !req
1062. I was Charlie's age,
I guess.Copy !req
1063. I wrote Santa a letter
every week that year.Copy !req
1064. Well, okay.
You know, maybe...
Maybe not every week.Copy !req
1065. But...Copy !req
1066. Boy, I really wanted
a Mystery Date Game.Copy !req
1067. Do you remember those?Copy !req
1068. No. Of course you don't.Copy !req
1069. You know, no one does.Copy !req
1070. I don't even think
they make them
anymore, but...Copy !req
1071. Well, anyway...Copy !req
1072. Christmas morning
came and...Copy !req
1073. Oh, I got dozens
of presents.Copy !req
1074. I got everything.Copy !req
1075. Except Mystery Date.Copy !req
1076. I was three, and
it was an Oscar Mayer
wienie whistle.Copy !req
1077. Christmas came.
No wienie whistle.Copy !req
1078. And that's when
I stopped believing.Copy !req
1079. You were three?Copy !req
1080. Yeah.Copy !req
1081. Oh, Neal.Copy !req
1082. Where's Charlie?Copy !req
1083. I want to talk to him.Copy !req
1084. He's with the judge.Copy !req
1085. Dad!Copy !req
1086. It's all okay.
I told the judge everythingCopy !req
1087. about you
and the North Pole.Copy !req
1088. After reviewing
all of your testimonies,Copy !req
1089. I've come to a very
difficult decision.Copy !req
1090. I'm sorry to do this
in light of
the holiday season.Copy !req
1091. But in the best interest
of the child,Copy !req
1092. I'm granting the petition
of Dr. And Mrs. Miller.Copy !req
1093. Mr. Calvin,
as of today,Copy !req
1094. all of your
visitation rights
are suspended,Copy !req
1095. pending a hearing
after the first
of the year.Copy !req
1096. Hey, Neal.Copy !req
1097. Scott?Copy !req
1098. You're not
supposed to be here.Copy !req
1099. Don't make me
beat you up, Neal.Copy !req
1100. Oh, would Santa really
beat someone up?Copy !req
1101. I'm this close.Copy !req
1102. So you still believe
you're Santa?Copy !req
1103. I don't know.Copy !req
1104. What do you mean
you don't know?Copy !req
1105. Of course you are, Dad.
How can you say that?Copy !req
1106. Think of all those kids.Copy !req
1107. The only kid
I'm thinking about is you.Copy !req
1108. Dad, I'm fine.
You can't let them down.Copy !req
1109. They all believe in you.Copy !req
1110. Charlie, listen.Copy !req
1111. You listen! You think
you know who he is.Copy !req
1112. You don't!
Charlie.Copy !req
1113. Honey, listen.
You're confused.Copy !req
1114. I know exactly who he is.Copy !req
1115. Charlie!
He's not Santa.Copy !req
1116. He is, too, Santa.
We went to
the North Pole together.Copy !req
1117. I saw it.Copy !req
1118. The elves are
real old even though
they look like me.Copy !req
1119. Bernard called me sport,
'cause he knew everything.
Right, Dad?Copy !req
1120. Remember!Copy !req
1121. Thank you, Charlie.
Thank you.Copy !req
1122. I love you, Dad.Copy !req
1123. Could you guys
leave us alone
for a minute?Copy !req
1124. I mean, so I can say
goodbye to him properly?Copy !req
1125. Sure.Copy !req
1126. So! You saw the ball
come to life.Copy !req
1127. You bet I did.
Well, Charlie,
I guess I better go.Copy !req
1128. I'll get my stuff.Copy !req
1129. Wait, sport. Wait, wait.Copy !req
1130. I think it's
a much better ideaCopy !req
1131. if you stayed here
with your mom.Copy !req
1132. I want to be with you, Dad.Copy !req
1133. Boy, I love
hearing you say that.Copy !req
1134. You mean I can go?Copy !req
1135. Boy, this bird is dry.Copy !req
1136. Haven't you people
heard about basting?Copy !req
1137. Bernard!Copy !req
1138. Hiya, sport.Copy !req
1139. Bernard, can I go?
Please, can I go, Bernard?Copy !req
1140. It's okay with me.Copy !req
1141. Charlie, if...Copy !req
1142. Charlie?Copy !req
1143. Scott!Copy !req
1144. Charlie!Copy !req
1145. This is our perpetrator!Copy !req
1146. Scott Calvin,
38 years old.Copy !req
1147. Believes himself
to be Santa Claus.Copy !req
1148. Ladies and gentlemen,
this one is not
going to be easy to find.Copy !req
1149. Won't the bright red suit
and beard give him away?Copy !req
1150. Charlie's got some
great ideas on
how to keep you safe.Copy !req
1151. Santa, this is Quintin,
head of research
and development.Copy !req
1152. Quintin,
good to meet ya.Copy !req
1153. Hello, Santa.Copy !req
1154. Charlie and I have
put our heads together.Copy !req
1155. I think we've got
a few surprises for you.Copy !req
1156. This is some of
the best stuffCopy !req
1157. that's come out of
the workshop
since the ball.Copy !req
1158. Fabulous. What happens
if I fall off the roof?Copy !req
1159. Is this the most
current photo you have?Copy !req
1160. Hold on.Copy !req
1161. Hello?Copy !req
1162. Mom!Copy !req
1163. Oh, Charlie. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1164. Honey, how are you?
Where are you?
Are you okay?Copy !req
1165. I'm fine.
We're up at the North Pole.Copy !req
1166. Charlie, are you sure
you're okay?Copy !req
1167. I'm terrific.Copy !req
1168. I'm helping the elves
build a new sleigh.Copy !req
1169. We're trying for
a vertical takeoff.
Well, gotta go.Copy !req
1170. The elves need me.
No. Charlie, wait.Copy !req
1171. No. Don't hang up.
Charlie, don't...Copy !req
1172. See you at Christmas.Copy !req
1173. Fireplaces will
no longer be a problem.Copy !req
1174. It's a new fabric.
Completely
flame retardant.Copy !req
1175. It's light, yet durable.Copy !req
1176. And you can wear
the jumpsuit under
your coat and pants.Copy !req
1177. But what do I do if
I fall off a roof?Copy !req
1178. We'll cordon off
a three-block radius
around Dr. Miller's house.Copy !req
1179. Calvin is to be
apprehended unharmed.Copy !req
1180. And remember,
he'll probably be
dressed like Santa Claus.Copy !req
1181. Freeze!Copy !req
1182. What?Copy !req
1183. Not even my suit.
It's a rental.Copy !req
1184. "From Comet, to Santa."
Did you make the card?Copy !req
1185. It's a nice rope.
Just in case
I fall off the roof?Copy !req
1186. Comet, this means
a lot to me.
Thanks, buddy.Copy !req
1187. All right, let's go!Copy !req
1188. You ready to go, sport?Copy !req
1189. You betcha, Dad.Copy !req
1190. Now Dasher, now Dancer!
Now Prancer and Vixen!Copy !req
1191. On Comet, on Cupid!
On Donner and Blitzen!Copy !req
1192. Hah!Copy !req
1193. Bye! Bye, Quintin!
Bye, Peewee!Copy !req
1194. Merry Christmas!Copy !req
1195. Hyah!Copy !req
1196. Whoa.Copy !req
1197. Take your time.Copy !req
1198. Turn to your right. Hello!Copy !req
1199. No.Copy !req
1200. Charlie,
stay in your seat.Copy !req
1201. I gotta show you this.
Radar-jamming jingle bells,Copy !req
1202. snow screen,Copy !req
1203. DC-10 alert
and air freshener.Copy !req
1204. Wow!Copy !req
1205. And most important of all,Copy !req
1206. your hat.
My hat?Copy !req
1207. It's lined with
a two-way radio.Copy !req
1208. Microphone's in here.
It connects you
directly to Judy.Copy !req
1209. Wait a minute.
What's this?Copy !req
1210. Oh, that's a CD.Copy !req
1211. Compact disc.Copy !req
1212. No. Cookie/cocoa dispenser.Copy !req
1213. The cocoa comes
out nice and hot.Copy !req
1214. And out pops a cookie.Copy !req
1215. How could I have done this
without ya, Charlie?Copy !req
1216. You couldn't.Copy !req
1217. You're fatter this year.Copy !req
1218. Thank you very much.
You've grown, too.Copy !req
1219. And you were a very
good girl this year,Copy !req
1220. but I want you to
go back to sleep, okay?Copy !req
1221. I think the milk's
a little sour.Copy !req
1222. It's soy milk.Copy !req
1223. Huh?Copy !req
1224. You said you were
lactose intolerant.Copy !req
1225. I did say that, didn't I?
Thanks for remembering.Copy !req
1226. Go to sleep.Copy !req
1227. Merry Christmas, Sara.Copy !req
1228. Merry Christmas, Santa.Copy !req
1229. Look, there's
Mom and Neal's street.Copy !req
1230. Can we go there next?
Sure.Copy !req
1231. I made something for them
at the workshop.Copy !req
1232. Freeze!Copy !req
1233. Oh!Copy !req
1234. You officers
really gave me a start.Copy !req
1235. Merry Christmas, guys.Copy !req
1236. Not for you, fat boy.Copy !req
1237. "Fat boy"? Guys.Copy !req
1238. Uh-uh-uh.
Nice and easy now.Copy !req
1239. Guys, guys.
I got a lot of work to do.
This is a big mistake.Copy !req
1240. You got to
watch the suit, too.Copy !req
1241. This is so old.
It's an antique, you know.Copy !req
1242. Where's the boy?Copy !req
1243. He's in the sleigh.Copy !req
1244. We got Calvin.
We're bringing him out.Copy !req
1245. Santa, are you okay?
Over, over.Copy !req
1246. Watch your head.
Santa?
Are you all right?Copy !req
1247. Santa?Copy !req
1248. It'll be okay, kids.Copy !req
1249. Let him go!
Let Santa go!Copy !req
1250. Honey,
I'm sure Charlie's fine.Copy !req
1251. We've got a problem.
Santa was at the Millers,
but he's not responding.Copy !req
1252. Well, time to
deploy E.L.F.S.Copy !req
1253. Let's go!Copy !req
1254. Go, go, go, go!Copy !req
1255. Look, I know
you're Scott Calvin.Copy !req
1256. You know
you're Scott Calvin.Copy !req
1257. So let's make this simple.Copy !req
1258. I say, name.
You say, Scott Calvin.Copy !req
1259. Name?Copy !req
1260. Kriss Kringle.Copy !req
1261. Name?Copy !req
1262. Sinterklaas.Copy !req
1263. Name?Copy !req
1264. Pere Noel.Copy !req
1265. Babbo Natale.
Pelz-Nicole.Copy !req
1266. Topo Gigio.Copy !req
1267. Okay, Calvin.Copy !req
1268. Maybe a couple of
hours in the tank'll
change your mind.Copy !req
1269. Charlie?Copy !req
1270. Yeah?Copy !req
1271. Don't worry.
We're the good guys.Copy !req
1272. Come on.
Let's go save Santa.Copy !req
1273. We can't.
The police are
watching this place.Copy !req
1274. Yeah, they probably are.Copy !req
1275. But you see,
we weren't figuring on
walking out the front door.Copy !req
1276. We find that
we can get around
a lot faster if we fly.Copy !req
1277. Now grab hold of my hand.Copy !req
1278. And hang on tight.Copy !req
1279. And Charlie?Copy !req
1280. Yeah?Copy !req
1281. Don't ever try this
without elf supervision.Copy !req
1282. We're looking
for Santa Claus.Copy !req
1283. Go home, kids.
Visiting hours are over.Copy !req
1284. We're not kids,
and we're not visiting.Copy !req
1285. We're here to
bust out my dad.Copy !req
1286. You're the Calvin boy.Copy !req
1287. Who are these other kids?Copy !req
1288. We're your
worst nightmare.Copy !req
1289. Elves with attitude.Copy !req
1290. Shouldn't have
had that donut.Copy !req
1291. Untie me! I mean it!Copy !req
1292. Untie...Copy !req
1293. Charlie!Copy !req
1294. Are you okay, Dad?Copy !req
1295. I am now.Copy !req
1296. How'd you do that?Copy !req
1297. Tinsel.
Not just for decoration.Copy !req
1298. Hey, excuse me.
Can I get
some of that tinsel?Copy !req
1299. Mom?Copy !req
1300. Mom!Copy !req
1301. Neal? I'm home!Copy !req
1302. Charlie?Copy !req
1303. Charlie?
Oh, my God, Charlie!
Charlie.Copy !req
1304. Sweetheart. Oh, God.
Come here, come here.Copy !req
1305. Oh, my boy.
Oh, sweetheart.Copy !req
1306. My boy, you're home!Copy !req
1307. I missed you so much.
How are you?Copy !req
1308. I'm fine, Mom.Copy !req
1309. Are you okay?
Look at me.Copy !req
1310. Charlie, I missed you, honey.
Mom, I'm fine. It's okay.Copy !req
1311. I was so worried.Copy !req
1312. Mom, put me down.
Stop kissing me.Copy !req
1313. I don't have a lot of time.Copy !req
1314. Did you leave the gifts
I made under the tree?Copy !req
1315. You bet I did.Copy !req
1316. We better go.Copy !req
1317. No, Charlie. No, no, no.
No! Wait, Charlie.Copy !req
1318. It's okay, Laura.Copy !req
1319. Actually, I... I think
it's a much better ideaCopy !req
1320. that you stay here
with your mom and Neal.Copy !req
1321. Really?Copy !req
1322. But, Dad...Copy !req
1323. No buts, Charlie.
I can't be selfish.Copy !req
1324. I can't be with ya
all the time.Copy !req
1325. We're a family.Copy !req
1326. You, me, your mom...Copy !req
1327. And Neal.Copy !req
1328. And they need to
be with ya, too.Copy !req
1329. I miss you too much.Copy !req
1330. Come here a minute.Copy !req
1331. Listen to me.Copy !req
1332. Come on, listen.
There's a lot of
kids out there.Copy !req
1333. Okay? Millions of kids.Copy !req
1334. They all believe in me.
They're counting
on me, Charlie.Copy !req
1335. I'm not gonna let 'em down.
I got a lot of work to do.Copy !req
1336. So I can't be
selfish either.Copy !req
1337. You gave me a wonderful gift.
Listen, a wonderful gift.Copy !req
1338. You believed in me
when nobody else did.Copy !req
1339. You helped make me Santa.Copy !req
1340. Selfish? Come on.Copy !req
1341. You're the least
selfish person I know.Copy !req
1342. I love you, Santa Claus.Copy !req
1343. I love you, son.Copy !req
1344. It's okay. Okay.
It's okay.Copy !req
1345. Laura, what do you think?Copy !req
1346. Christmas Eve you guys
spend with Charlie?Copy !req
1347. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1348. It's you.Copy !req
1349. It really is you.Copy !req
1350. You really areCopy !req
1351. Santa Claus.Copy !req
1352. Pretty cool, huh?Copy !req
1353. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1354. And your parents thought
I'd never amount to anything.Copy !req
1355. Wait. Don't go yet.
I have something for you.Copy !req
1356. It's Santa.Copy !req
1357. Scott.Copy !req
1358. Neal.Copy !req
1359. Santa?Copy !req
1360. It's okay, Neal.Copy !req
1361. Here.Copy !req
1362. It's... Well, it's...Copy !req
1363. It's my Christmas
present for you.
It's the custody papers.Copy !req
1364. And I want you to
come and see Charlie
as often as you can.Copy !req
1365. You can count on it.Copy !req
1366. Thanks, Laura.Copy !req
1367. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
1368. What's all this
boo-hooing
going on here?Copy !req
1369. Hey, how ya doing?Copy !req
1370. It's nothing, Bernard.
I'm just saying
goodbye to Charlie.Copy !req
1371. What goodbye?
You still got
the glass ball, right?Copy !req
1372. Yeah.Copy !req
1373. Well, all you got to do
is shake itCopy !req
1374. whenever you want
to see your dad.Copy !req
1375. Really?Copy !req
1376. He can come back
to see you anytime,
day or night.Copy !req
1377. Hey, have I ever
steered ya wrong?Copy !req
1378. Nice sweater.Copy !req
1379. Hey, did we make this?Copy !req
1380. Laura. He's sucking us
into his delusions.Copy !req
1381. Look at the elaborate
measures he's taken.Copy !req
1382. Neal, relax.Copy !req
1383. I'll explain it
to you later.Copy !req
1384. Where'd he go?Copy !req
1385. Go, go, go, go!Copy !req
1386. Team one!Copy !req
1387. Okay, stand back, folks.
Give us some room.Copy !req
1388. Here you go, sir.
Thanks.Copy !req
1389. Return to your homes!
Stay off the street!Copy !req
1390. Come on, folks.
Let us do our job here.Copy !req
1391. Excuse me,
excuse me. Hi!Copy !req
1392. You know, you don't
have to send anybody...Copy !req
1393. Hey! Hey!
Oh, my gosh!Copy !req
1394. That's my ex-husband
and he's already
up the chimney.Copy !req
1395. Chief, look up there.Copy !req
1396. Santa Claus!Copy !req
1397. Santa.Copy !req
1398. Look!Copy !req
1399. What is it?Copy !req
1400. Oh, wow!Copy !req
1401. Up there. Do you see it?
Hey, do you see it?Copy !req
1402. Goodbye, Charlie.Copy !req
1403. Bye, Dad!Copy !req
1404. Merry Christmas to all!
And to all a good night!Copy !req
1405. I'm sorry, Charlie.Copy !req
1406. That's okay, Neal.
You were just denying
your inner child.Copy !req
1407. You're gonna make
a great psychiatrist
one day, kid.Copy !req
1408. No, I think I'm going to go
into the family business.Copy !req
1409. Look out below!Copy !req
1410. My wienie whistle.Copy !req
1411. Bye!
Merry Christmas!Copy !req
1412. Charlie?
Time to come inside.Copy !req
1413. Mom, this stupid
ball's not working.Copy !req
1414. Shoot.Copy !req
1415. Hey, sport!Copy !req
1416. Dad!Copy !req
1417. You miss me already?
I've been gone, what?
Ten minutes?Copy !req
1418. Give me a break.
I was on my way
to Cleveland.Copy !req
1419. Come here and give me a hug.Copy !req
1420. Do you want to go
for a quick ride?Copy !req
1421. Yeah!Copy !req
1422. Of course,
it's up to your mom.Copy !req
1423. Please, Mom.Copy !req
1424. Go on. Get out of here.Copy !req
1425. All right. Hold on.Copy !req
1426. On our way.Copy !req
1427. Bye, Mom!Copy !req
1428. Just a quick one.Copy !req
1429. And...Copy !req
1430. Not over any oceans, Scott.Copy !req
1431. Bye, Mom! Bye!
Scott.Copy !req
1432. Scott!Copy !req
1433. Santa!Copy !req