1. Ho-ho-ho!
Merry Christmas!
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2. Hey, guys.
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3. Merry Christmas.
Thanks.
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4. Hey!
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5. MR.
Ladies and gentlemen,
can I have your attention?
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6. This has been
our best year ever
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7. thanks to
Do-It-All-For-You-Dolly.
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8. And I think we should give
a special thanks to the people
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9. responsible for our
record-breaking sales,
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10. our Midwest marketing
and distribution team,
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11. Scott Calvin
and Susan Perry!
Yeah!
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12. Let's hear it for 'em!
Come on!
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13. Susan, darling,
come on up here.
Aren't they adorable?
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14. Say a few words.
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15. Thank you very much.
This was really
a team effort.
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16. I would just want
to thank every one
of you individually...
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17. But we don't have
time for that, do we?
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18. In all seriousness,
here at B&R Toys,
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19. we're not just about
making a profit
in quality toys.
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20. We're also about families.
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21. But our families aren't
here with us right now.
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22. Which is probably why
Johnson's secretary is
sitting in his lap.
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23. You guys
have a great party.
Have a great year.
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24. Drive safe.
Thanks very much.
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25. Aren't they wonderful?
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26. Laura, I was
hoping to catch you
before you'd left your house.
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27. I ran real late today.
You wouldn't believe
the traffic out here.
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28. Yeah, same to you!
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29. And that's not very ladylike!
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30. Anyway, I'll try to get
to my house as soon as I can.
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31. Oh. There's the problem
right there.
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32. Three car pileup.
I'm really gonna be late.
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33. Hark, carol bells,
sweet silver bells
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34. All right, let's go.
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35. Bye, Charlie.
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36. Bye, Neal.
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37. Oh! Sorry I'm late. Hi.
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38. Hi.
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39. Did you want to
come in for a minute?
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40. Neal's waiting
in the car, so...
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41. Why doesn't he come in?
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42. 'Cause, Daddy,
he says you'll just
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43. end up saying
something snotty.
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44. Not necessarily.
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45. Could be rude
or sarcastic.
Whatever it takes.
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46. See? I gotta go.
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47. Come on, come on.
Christmas Eve.
Just a minute.
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48. Watch those steps.
They're real slippery.
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49. Told ya.
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50. So...
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51. Well...
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52. You going to your
mom's for dinner?
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53. Actually, we're gonna be
with Neal's family.
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54. Ah! Christmas
at the pound.
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55. There aren't that many
presents over there.
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56. That's because
Santa isn't here yet.
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57. Neal doesn't believe
in Santa.
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58. Well, Neal's head
comes to a point.
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59. He's smart.
He's a doctor.
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60. He's not a doctor,
he's a psychiatrist.
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61. Take your coat off.
You're sticking around,
aren't ya?
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62. I'll be right there.
Just a sec.
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63. I just want to...
Did that jerk tell Charlie
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64. there was no Santa Claus?
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65. What? No. Oh,
Charlie came home
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66. from school
the other day in tears
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67. because some big kid
told him there was
no such thing as Santa.
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68. And, you know Neal.
Well, he sat him down and...
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69. And told him
there was a Santa Claus.
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70. Well, all he said was
that Santa was
more like a feeling.
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71. You know, more like
a state of mind
than a person.
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72. Kind of like Neal.
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73. And who gave you permission
to tell Charlie
there's no Santa Claus?
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74. I think if we're
going to destroy
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75. our son's illusions,
I should be a part of it.
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76. Yeah, but
you're never around,
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77. are you, Scott?
Oh, please.
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78. Listen, all we are
trying to do is
give Charlie
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79. a firm grasp
on reality.
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80. That's a good idea.
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81. You don't want
kids running around
using their imaginations.
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82. Oh, yeah.
That's from
the guy responsible
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83. for the Do-It-All-
For-You-Dolly.
Leave her out of this.
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84. Why do you guys
always have to fight?
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85. We're not fighting.
It's your mom singing.
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86. It sounds a lot like
fighting, doesn't it?
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87. Cats, even.
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88. The trouble is,
Neal and your mom,
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89. they don't believe in
Santa because they
were real naughty.
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90. Which is why
they'll probably get
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91. lumps of coal
in their stockings.
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92. I don't know.
It seems kind of babyish
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93. to believe in
that kind of stuff.
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94. What are you talking about?
I believe in Santa Claus.
I'm not a baby.
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95. Well...
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96. Maybe it's time
you left.
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97. We don't want to keep
Dr. Pinhead waiting.
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98. Come here.
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99. Do I gotta stay?
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100. Listen, you
and your daddy
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101. are gonna have
a great Christmas, okay?
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102. Will you pick me up tomorrow?
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103. Of course.
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104. Early?
Yes.
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105. We're talking sunup,
you're here?
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106. You'll be fine.
Merry Christmas,
Charlie. I love you.
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107. I love you, too, Mom.
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108. You be a good boy, okay?
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109. Bye, Mom.
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110. Four hours?
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111. Your Christmas
will be perfect...
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112. with its own
built-in turkey timer.
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113. And now, we return you
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114. to the most cherished
of Christmas stories,
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115. Miracle on 34th Street,
starring...
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116. Ah.
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117. That is exactly why
you want a high-quality
fire extinguisher
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118. right in the kitchen.
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119. Those flames were
really big, Dad.
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120. Well, turkey's
funny that way.
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121. Dad!
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122. It's done!
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123. You like
osso buco, Charlie?
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124. They're closed.
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125. You know,
Neal's a real good cook.
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126. Yeah, and you should
see him walk on water.
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127. You don't like him
very much, do you, Dad?
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128. Charlie, yeah.
I was joking, okay?
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129. I'm sorry.
I was just
kidding around.
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130. I like him a lot...
Yeah, sure, I like him.
You know, there...
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131. There's just
something about him
that makes me wanna...
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132. Lash out irrationally.
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133. Where did you hear that?
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134. From Neal.
I learn a lot from him.
He listens to me.
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135. Yeah.
Then he charges you for it.
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136. All right. Denny's.
It's always open.
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137. I don't wanna eat here.
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138. What're you
talking about?
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139. Everybody likes Denny's.
It's an American institution.
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140. Are you with Hatsutashi?
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141. No.
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142. Dad burned the turkey.
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143. Oh, yeah. This way.
Come on.
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144. Right over there.
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145. Thank you.
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146. Here we go.
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147. Burn the turkey?
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148. Coffee?
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149. No, thank you, Judy.
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150. What do you say
we start out
with cold glasses
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151. of delicious seasonal
favorite eggnog?
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152. I don't like eggnog.
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153. We're out.
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154. Coffee. Decaf.
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155. Mmm-hmm.
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156. I'll have
chocolate milk, please.
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157. We're out.
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158. Plain milk's fine.
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159. Okay.
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160. At least we know
they got hot apple pie.
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161. We did.
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162. Mmm-hmm.
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163. This is nice.
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164. "And Mama
in her kerchief
and I in my cap
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165. "had just settled down
for a long winter's nap.
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166. "When out on the lawn
there arose such a clatter,
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167. "I sprang from my bed
to see what was the matter.
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168. "Away to the window
I flew like a flash.
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169. "With a miniature
sleigh and St. Nick...
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170. "And Prancer and Dancer...
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171. "... and to all a good night."
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172. What's that?
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173. What's what?
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174. "A Rose Suchak ladder"?
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175. It's not a ladder.
I said,
"Arose such a clatter."
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176. It means,
"Came a big noise."
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177. What?
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178. Charlie, "arose" is a word
that means "it came,"
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179. and "clatter"
is a big noise.
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180. Now please,
go to sleep.
Shut your eyes.
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181. How do reindeer fly?
They don't have any wings.
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182. Fairy dust.
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183. That's from
Peter Pan, Dad.
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184. Horns.
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185. Antlers.
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186. Whatever.
Their antlers give them...
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187. You know,
there's a slipstream effect.
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188. The air goes...
They move...
They're weightless.
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189. But if Santa's so fat,
how did he get down
the chimneys?
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190. He sucks it in
like Grandpa.
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191. What about people
who don't have
fireplaces?
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192. How does he get
into their house?
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193. Charlie, sometimes believing
in something means you...
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194. Means you just
believe in it.
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195. Santa uses reindeer
to fly because
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196. that's how he
has to get around.
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197. But you do believe
in Santa, right, Dad?
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198. Of course I believe in Santa.
Now please, go to sleep.
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199. Dad?
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200. What is it, Charlie?
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201. Maybe you better
leave some cookies
and milk out,
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202. just in case, okay?
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203. Great. I'll just
go preheat the oven.
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204. And don't forget
the fire extinguisher.
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205. Good night, Charlie.
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206. Ho!
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207. Settle down there.
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208. Dad! Dad!
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209. What?
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210. I heard a clatter!
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211. What, Charlie?
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212. There! A clatter.
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213. Charlie, what're you
talking about?
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214. You know,
"It came a big noise"?
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215. It's coming from outside!
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216. Charlie, it's just
the wind or something.
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217. Come on,
let's go back to bed.
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218. Somebody's on the roof.
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219. Maybe it's Santa.
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220. Not now, Charlie.
I want you to sit here,
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221. and I want you
to stay right there.
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222. Charlie, do you know
how to call 911?
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223. Sure. 911.
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224. Yeah, great. Stay there.
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225. Hey, you!
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226. Oops! Whoa!
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227. Whoa, whoa!
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228. Whoa!
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229. Whoo-hoo!
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230. Hey, buddy.
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231. All right.
You should just
stay still. Perfect.
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232. You got him!
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233. Charlie,
stay where you are.
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234. Charlie, would you
listen to me?
Stay up there!
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235. It is Santa!
You killed him.
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236. Did not!
It is not Santa.
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237. Well, he was.
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238. He's got some
ID on him, I bet.
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239. Fella, if you
can hear me,
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240. I'm just looking for
your identification.
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241. Once I figure out
who you are,
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242. I'll give you a lift back
to the mall.
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243. "If something
should happen to me,
put on my suit.
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244. "The reindeer
will know what to do."
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245. Yeah, right.
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246. Whoa.
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247. Dad!
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248. Hey.
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249. He disappeared!
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250. Whoa.
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251. He's naked somewhere.
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252. You gonna put on the suit
like the card said?
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253. Are you?
No. No.
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254. Come on, Dad.
I wanna go, too.
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255. Stop it, Charlie.
We're not going anywhere.
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256. You never do
what I wanna do!
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257. Would you please
be quiet for a minute
so I can figure this out?
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258. Reindeer up on the roof.
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259. Santa suit
laying on the ground.
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260. Guy fell. Not my fault.
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261. Reindeer on the roof.
That is hard to explain.
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262. It's the ladder.
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263. Where the hell'd
this come from?
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264. Look here, Dad.
"The Rose Suchak
Ladder Company."
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265. Huh?
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266. "Out by the roof
there's a Rose
Suchak ladder."
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267. Just like the poem.
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268. Just like the poem?
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269. Charlie,
come on down from there.
Charlie, get down from there!
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270. Dad! You gotta see this!
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271. Don't touch anything.
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272. It's great!
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273. I'm just gonna
call the police.
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274. I'll carry this
stuff up there.
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275. Let them deal
with it, okay?
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276. Whoa.
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277. This guy was huge.
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278. Dad, isn't this neat?
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279. Charlie. Charlie!
Stay away from those things.
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280. They're reindeer.
You don't know
where they've been.
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281. They all look like
they've got
key lime disease.
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282. Easy, Rudolph.
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283. Excuse me. Comet.
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284. Dad! Check out
Santa's sleigh!
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285. There's no such thing
as Santa's sleigh.
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286. Sure there is.
You said you
believed in Santa.
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287. Right?
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288. I did? I do!
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289. What about the reindeer?
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290. These are Santa's
reindeer, aren't they?
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291. I hope not.
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292. These are
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293. a gift.
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294. Probably from
the cable company.
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295. We're getting
the Disney Channel now.
Merry Christmas.
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296. Now, hop out
of there, please.
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297. I don't wanna go.
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298. Listen, Charlie,
I'm not kidding.
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299. Let's go!
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300. Yeah, let's go!
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301. Charlie!
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302. Hold on, Charlie!
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303. Whoa!
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304. Giddyap, Comet!
Whoa, let's go!
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305. Dad, climb up here.
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306. There we go.
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307. So, if we go straight
on this road
and we hit I-94...
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308. Well, we made good time.
Now what do we do?
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309. Get the bag of toys!
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310. And do what?
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311. Go down the chimney.
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312. Down the chimney!
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313. You want me
to take the toys
down the chimney
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314. into a strange house
in my underwear?
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315. No. You got to put
the suit on first.
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316. You know what
we're gonna do,
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317. is we're gonna
get out of here
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318. because this
whole thing is stupid.
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319. How come everything
I want to do is stupid?
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320. I didn't say that.
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321. Freezing my nubs
off out here,
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322. and you want me to get
into a Santa costume.
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323. This is great.
A Santa costume.
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324. Oh, this thing.
You never know
where it's been.
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325. A thousand malls.
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326. Well, I hope
you're happy, Comet.
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327. Hope you're happy.
But most of all,
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328. I hope the guy that
lives here is a tailor!
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329. Nice coat.
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330. Well, how do I look? Nice?
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331. You forgot the sash.
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332. You're right.
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333. This completes
the ensemble.
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334. All right. Got my boots.
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335. Now I've got the suit on.
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336. How am I supposed to
know what to leave?
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337. Maybe there's a list.
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338. A list. How silly of me.
Of course there's a list.
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339. Careful, Dad!
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340. I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay!
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341. Look! You're flying!
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342. It's okay, I'm used to it.
I lived through the '60s.
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343. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
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344. Nice teeth.
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345. Who's down there?
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346. It's the holidays.
Come on, come on.
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347. Hey, Charles!
Need a little
help down here!
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348. Whoa!
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349. How'd you do that?
What'd it feel like, Dad?
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350. It felt like
America's Most Wanted!
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351. Now pull me in, quick!
We gotta get outta here.
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352. Thanks. We gotta go home.
How do you start this thing?
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353. Just like that!
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354. Whoa.
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355. This could be
a really long night.
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356. Do it again, Dad.
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357. Please?
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358. I can't.
That thing's empty.
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359. There's nothing
in the bag.
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360. Even if there was,
didn't you notice
there's no chimney?
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361. Where there's no chimney,
there's no fireplace.
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362. Are you growling at me?
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363. Look, Comet, like I said,
there is nothing left...
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364. That's so weird,
because I know
when I did that...
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365. No, no, no, no, no!
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366. Hold it!
There's no chimney here!
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367. Can you hear me?
No chimney, all right?
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368. Looking good, Dad!
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369. You have got to
be kidding!
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370. Come on! Look at
the size of this thing!
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371. Weird! Ow.
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372. Santa?
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373. Scott Calvin.
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374. How come your
clothes are so baggy?
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375. Because Santa
is watching
his saturated fats.
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376. How come you
don't have a beard?
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377. Because I shaved!
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378. Do you want this
doll or not?
Go back to sleep.
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379. You're supposed
to drink the milk.
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380. Look, I am
lactose intolerant.
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381. And I am just about
this close to taking
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382. all those presents
back up the chimney.
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383. "Supposed to
drink the milk"!
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384. Shut your eyes!
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385. Oh!
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386. How do you get in
without a fireplace?
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387. I don't know.
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388. One just
kind of appeared.
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389. Awesome!
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390. Oh, boy!
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391. Charlie, look at
the clouds over here.
Aren't they pretty?
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392. Charlie!
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393. Yah!
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394. All right.
Morning, fellas.
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395. Morning, sport.
We're done, Comet.
Ho-ho-ho.
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396. Back to the house.
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397. Merry Christmas to all
and to all a good night.
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398. When I wake up,
I'm getting a CAT scan!
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399. Is this okay, Dad?
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400. No, it's not okay!
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401. Hey, does this look like
home to you guys?
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402. No, no! No, no, no, no!
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403. Hey, hey!
Where you going?
Come back here!
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404. Oh.
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405. Hey, hey! Hey, buddy!
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406. You, sir! Hey!
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407. Can you hear me?
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408. What's that?
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409. I don't know.
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410. I think it's the North Pole.
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411. That's the North Pole?
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412. Hey, buddy,
we need some help.
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413. Hello! What are you doing?
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414. Hey, look!
Here comes the new Santa!
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415. Sit back.
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416. Where are all
the grownups?
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417. This is so cool!
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418. Stay here.
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419. Hey, kid, kid.
Kid, who's in charge here?
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420. You are.
And I'm not a kid.
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421. I've pointy shoes that are
older than you. I'm an elf.
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422. You guys, or you girls.
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423. Who gives the orders?
Who's your boss?
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424. You are.
No, no, no.
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425. Who's the head elf?
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426. You are!
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427. Hey! Who's causing
all the trouble
around here?
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428. He is.
She is.
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429. Excuse me,
are we on a coffee break?
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430. We don't drink coffee.
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431. Then I guess
the break is over.
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432. Back to work. Thanks.
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433. Take it easy on her,
will ya? Who are you?
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434. I'm Bernard.
Nice to meet ya, Santa.
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435. I'm not Santa!
I've had a rough night.
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436. There's been dogs barking,
guns going off.
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437. Look, my back's
killing me.
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438. Have you ever tried
to shove a sea kayak
down a chimney?
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439. I'm tired of this
small talk.
Copy !req
440. Hmm.
Copy !req
441. The other Santa
disappeared, right?
Copy !req
442. Wait a minute. Hey!
I know where this is going.
Copy !req
443. It wasn't my fault.
The other guy fell.
It was an accident.
Copy !req
444. I've got homeowner's
insurance and
a good attorney.
Copy !req
445. Not as good as my wife's,
but let's not
open up that wound.
Copy !req
446. Hold it a minute.
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
Copy !req
447. How did you know
the other guy was gone?
Copy !req
448. Can I get you a drink?
Copy !req
449. No, I don't want a drink.
Copy !req
450. I'm thirsty,
and hungry, too.
Copy !req
451. Charlie, I thought
I told you to stay
in the sleigh.
Copy !req
452. Who's this?
Copy !req
453. This is my son, Charlie.
Copy !req
454. I'm sorry. Charlie,
this is...
Copy !req
455. Bernard.
Bernard.
Copy !req
456. Hi, Bernard.
Copy !req
457. Hiya, sport.
Copy !req
458. Hey, Dad,
he called me "sport"
Copy !req
459. just like you.
Wonderful.
Copy !req
460. Hey, you know what?
I got something for you.
Copy !req
461. Okay, now hold out
your hand, all right?
Copy !req
462. Now, be very careful.
This is very old,
just like me.
Copy !req
463. Shake it up, Charlie.
Copy !req
464. Wow.
Copy !req
465. Why don't you
hold onto it
for me for a while?
Copy !req
466. It might come in handy.
Copy !req
467. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Copy !req
468. I promise I'll take
real good care of it.
Copy !req
469. Make sure you do.
Copy !req
470. I will.
Copy !req
471. Hey, Dad, look!
Copy !req
472. Fabulous ball.
Hey, Barabbas.
Copy !req
473. Bernard!
Bernard.
Copy !req
474. Can we take
a direct flight
back to reality
Copy !req
475. or do we have to change
planes in Denver?
Copy !req
476. Larry, take Charlie here
and get him some chow.
Copy !req
477. No, Larry,
don't do that. Charlie!
Copy !req
478. He'll be okay.
Follow me, you'll want to
get out of those clothes.
Copy !req
479. I... No, look, Barnaby,
I just want to go home.
Copy !req
480. Look, I am not
Santa Claus!
Copy !req
481. Ah.
Copy !req
482. Did you or did you not
read the card?
Copy !req
483. Yeah, I read the card.
Copy !req
484. Then you're
the new Santa.
Copy !req
485. In putting on
the hat and jacket,
you accepted the contract.
Copy !req
486. What contract?
Copy !req
487. The card
in the Santa suit.
Copy !req
488. You said
you read it, right?
Copy !req
489. So when you
put on the suit,
Copy !req
490. you fell subject
to the Santa Clause.
Copy !req
491. Here.
The Santa Claus?
Copy !req
492. You mean the guy
that fell off my roof?
Copy !req
493. No, no, no.
Not Santa Claus the person,
Santa Clause the clause.
Copy !req
494. What?
Copy !req
495. Look, you're
a businessman, right?
Copy !req
496. Yeah.
Okay.
Copy !req
497. A clause, as in the
last line of a contract.
Copy !req
498. You got the card?
Copy !req
499. Okay, look.
Copy !req
500. The Santa Clause,
Copy !req
501. "In putting on
this suit and
entering the sleigh,
Copy !req
502. "the wearer waives any
and all rights to any
previous identity,
Copy !req
503. "real or implied,
Copy !req
504. "and fully accepts
the duties
and responsibilities
Copy !req
505. "of Santa Claus
in perpetuity
Copy !req
506. "until such time
that wearer becomes
unable to do so
Copy !req
507. "by either
accident or design."
Copy !req
508. What does that mean?
Copy !req
509. It means you
put on the suit,
you're the big guy.
Copy !req
510. That's ridiculous.
I didn't put on
a suit just to...
Copy !req
511. Try to understand this!
Copy !req
512. Ooh.
Copy !req
513. Let me explain
something to you, okay?
Copy !req
514. Toys have to be delivered.
I'm not gonna do it.
Copy !req
515. It's not my job.
I'm just an elf.
Copy !req
516. It's Santa's job,
but Santa fell off
a roof, your roof.
Copy !req
517. You read the card,
you put on the suit.
Copy !req
518. That clearly falls under
the Santa Clause.
Copy !req
519. Now you're Santa, okay?
Copy !req
520. A question.
Copy !req
521. What?
When can I get outta here?
Copy !req
522. Dad, you gotta
see this place!
Copy !req
523. You leave tomorrow morning.
Copy !req
524. You have 11 months
to get your affairs in order,
Copy !req
525. and you're due back here
Thanksgiving.
Copy !req
526. I'm not coming back here
on Thanksgiving.
Copy !req
527. I'll ship the list
to your house.
Copy !req
528. What list?
Copy !req
529. Come on, now. The list.
Copy !req
530. Ugh. Look, you put
a "P" next to the kids
who are nice
Copy !req
531. and a "C" next to
the naughty ones.
Copy !req
532. "P" and "C"?
Copy !req
533. Yeah! "P" for present,
"C" for coal,
right, Bernard?
Copy !req
534. Right!
Copy !req
535. Wait a minute!
How do I know
who's good and bad?
Copy !req
536. You'll know.
Copy !req
537. What if I don't
wanna do this?
Copy !req
538. Don't even kid about
a thing like that!
Copy !req
539. Why not?
Copy !req
540. What if I don't buy into this
Santa Claus thing?
Copy !req
541. What if I choose
not to believe it?
Copy !req
542. Then there would be
millions of
disappointed children
Copy !req
543. around the world.
Copy !req
544. You see,
children hold the
spirit of Christmas
Copy !req
545. within their hearts.
Copy !req
546. You wouldn't want
to be responsible
Copy !req
547. for killing the spirit
of Christmas, now,
would you, Santa?
Copy !req
548. Judy will take you
to your room.
Copy !req
549. Get out of the suit,
it needs to be cleaned.
Copy !req
550. And taken in.
Copy !req
551. Then get some sleep.
Copy !req
552. We've got a lot of
work to do and only
a year in which to do it.
Copy !req
553. Judy.
Copy !req
554. Santa.
Copy !req
555. Scott Calvin.
Copy !req
556. Follow me.
Copy !req
557. I'll just take
the next train.
Copy !req
558. Dad, come on!
Copy !req
559. Charlie!
Copy !req
560. Come on, Dad!
Copy !req
561. Charlie, wait up!
Copy !req
562. That's funny.
I like that.
Copy !req
563. I like that, too.
But I don't like...
Copy !req
564. Wow.
Copy !req
565. Can I get you anything?
The kitchen's always open.
Copy !req
566. How about
a stiff drink?
Copy !req
567. You should
get some sleep.
Copy !req
568. Here are your pajamas.
I'll be right back.
Copy !req
569. Look, Judy.
Look over there.
Copy !req
570. Look over there. I know.
Copy !req
571. Look over there.
There's a canoe.
Yeah, it's true.
Copy !req
572. Look, there's an emu!
Copy !req
573. Look at him!
Shoo!
Copy !req
574. Santa?
Copy !req
575. Scott Calvin.
Copy !req
576. I brought you
some cocoa.
Copy !req
577. No, thanks.
Copy !req
578. My own recipe.
Took me 1,200 years
to get it right.
Copy !req
579. 1,200 years?
Copy !req
580. That's right.
Copy !req
581. You know, I must say,
you look pretty good
for your age.
Copy !req
582. Thanks, but I'm seeing
someone in wrapping.
Copy !req
583. Okay.
Copy !req
584. Mmm.
Copy !req
585. Hmm.
Copy !req
586. This is good.
Copy !req
587. This is really good.
Copy !req
588. Not too hot,
extra chocolate,
shaken, not stirred.
Copy !req
589. You look distressed.
Copy !req
590. Distressed?
I'm way past distressed.
Copy !req
591. Why's that?
Copy !req
592. I'm talking to an elf!
Copy !req
593. And I stopped believing
in Santa Claus
a long time ago.
Copy !req
594. That's not surprising.
Most grownups
can't believe in magic.
Copy !req
595. It just sort of
grows out of them.
Copy !req
596. Look, you're
a nice little elf.
Copy !req
597. Thanks.
Copy !req
598. But this is a dream.
Copy !req
599. I mean, this is fabulous.
Copy !req
600. Is that a polar bear
directing traffic
down there?
Copy !req
601. I see it,
but I don't believe it.
Copy !req
602. You're
missing the point.
Copy !req
603. What is the point?
Copy !req
604. Seeing isn't believing,
believing is seeing.
Copy !req
605. Kids don't have
to see this place
to know that it's here.
Copy !req
606. They just know.
Copy !req
607. Well, you should
get some rest.
Good night, sir.
Copy !req
608. Dad!
Copy !req
609. Dad!
Copy !req
610. Wake up, sleepy!
Copy !req
611. Come on, get up!
Copy !req
612. Dad!
Mmm.
Copy !req
613. Dad!
Copy !req
614. Dad!
Copy !req
615. Come on, Dad, come on!
Copy !req
616. See all the neat toys!
Copy !req
617. Stop shaking me, Charlie.
Copy !req
618. Come on, get up, get up!
Copy !req
619. Okay.
Copy !req
620. Come on,
it's Christmas morning.
Copy !req
621. Great! Go make
some coffee.
Copy !req
622. Come on, Dad, let's go!
Copy !req
623. Okay.
Copy !req
624. Are you okay, Dad?
Copy !req
625. Yeah. Just fine, just fine.
Copy !req
626. Are you having
a heart attack?
I know CPR.
Copy !req
627. No, I was just...
Copy !req
628. S.C.
Copy !req
629. Yeah, Santa Claus.
Copy !req
630. Hey. Same initials
as your name, Dad.
Copy !req
631. Scott Calvin.
Copy !req
632. What?
Copy !req
633. Oh, Charlie!
Merry Christmas, honey.
Copy !req
634. Did you have a good time?
Copy !req
635. Great time! The best!
Copy !req
636. Great. Scott,
nice P.J.s.
Very festive.
Copy !req
637. Where'd you get them?
Copy !req
638. I don't know.
Copy !req
639. Judy gave them to you.
Copy !req
640. Judy. Really.
Copy !req
641. Who?
Copy !req
642. Up at the North Pole.
Copy !req
643. Ah. One of
Santa's little helpers.
Copy !req
644. Last night,
Dad and me went
with the flying reindeer.
Copy !req
645. It was really neat, Mom.
Dad was Santa,
Copy !req
646. and Larry showed me
the workshop.
Copy !req
647. You know,
where they make
all the toys?
Copy !req
648. Gee, thanks
for keeping his
feet on the ground.
Copy !req
649. You bet.
Copy !req
650. Honey, you go wait
in the car for a minute.
I'll be right there.
Copy !req
651. Merry Christmas.
Copy !req
652. Bye, Dad. Thanks
for a great night
at the North Pole.
Copy !req
653. So...
Copy !req
654. What have you
been telling him?
Copy !req
655. Nothing.
Copy !req
656. It's just... I had
this really strange dream
Copy !req
657. and I must've told him
all about it.
Copy !req
658. Wait.
Copy !req
659. Charlie.
Scott.
Copy !req
660. Hi, Dad.
Nice jammies.
Copy !req
661. Thanks. About what
you said in the house...
Copy !req
662. Who showed you
the workshop?
The elf.
Copy !req
663. How'd I get the pajamas?
Copy !req
664. I told you. Judy.
Copy !req
665. Oh, wait, wait.
Copy !req
666. Judy was
the name of the waitress
at the restaurant last night.
Copy !req
667. Some waitress
gave you pajamas?
Copy !req
668. What's this all about?
Copy !req
669. Dad took me to the North Pole,
and Larry showed me
the workshop.
Copy !req
670. The North Pole!
Copy !req
671. Yeah. Dad's the new Santa.
Copy !req
672. The regular Santa
fell off the roof
and Dad put on the suit.
Copy !req
673. Charlie, we'll discuss
this at home.
Copy !req
674. The clause.
The Santa Clause.
Copy !req
675. It's just a dream.
Copy !req
676. Stuff like that
doesn't happen.
Copy !req
677. It was a dream. Come on!
Copy !req
678. I don't even wear pajamas.
Normally I sleep naked.
Buck naked! Ha!
Copy !req
679. Morning, Mrs. McGloin.
Mary Catherine.
Copy !req
680. MRS.
Eyes front,
Mary Catherine!
Copy !req
681. Sometimes boxer shorts.
You know.
Copy !req
682. So, remember, kids,
Copy !req
683. there is nothing more painful
than third degree burns.
Copy !req
684. Well, thank you,
Fireman O'Hara.
Copy !req
685. And I think the whole class
will join me in saying
Copy !req
686. sorry about your partner.
Copy !req
687. Well, perhaps
this is a good time to
bring up the psychiatrist.
Copy !req
688. Charlie, would you like
to introduce your...
Copy !req
689. Dr. Miller!
Copy !req
690. Can I ask Dad
to go first?
Copy !req
691. Well, if that's how
you feel, Charlie.
Copy !req
692. That's how he feels, Neal.
Come on.
Nice sweater, buddy.
Copy !req
693. This is my dad,
Scott Calvin.
Copy !req
694. He's got a really neat job.
Copy !req
695. Thank you, Charlie.
Copy !req
696. My dad is Santa Claus.
Copy !req
697. Oh, boy.
Copy !req
698. I think what he means is,
I'm like Santa Claus.
Copy !req
699. We're both giving,
we're both jolly,
Copy !req
700. and we both work
very hard one day
a year.
Copy !req
701. Oh, boy!
Copy !req
702. That's not
what I mean, Dad.
Copy !req
703. Look, on Christmas Eve,
my dad pushed
Santa off the roof.
Copy !req
704. No, Charlie.
Santa disappeared
Copy !req
705. and my dad took his place.
Charlie!
Copy !req
706. Then I went with him
to deliver all the presents.
Copy !req
707. Then the reindeer flew us
to the North Pole
where the head elf
Copy !req
708. Bernard gave me this.
Charlie...
Copy !req
709. Look, I work for
a toy company.
Copy !req
710. I deliver toys
all over the country.
Copy !req
711. So, in a way,
I'm like Santa Claus.
Copy !req
712. Yes, sweetheart?
Copy !req
713. Do you make the toys?
Copy !req
714. No, stupid,
the elves do!
Copy !req
715. Bobby, we don't say "stupid,"
Copy !req
716. and we don't say "elves."
They're "little people."
Copy !req
717. No, but they
really are elves.
Copy !req
718. Whatever, honey.
Copy !req
719. Which one's your
favorite reindeer?
Copy !req
720. Comet.
Copy !req
721. I don't have a favorite.
Copy !req
722. So, let me get
this straight, Santa.
Copy !req
723. You mean, when I grow up,
if I wanna be Santa Claus,
Copy !req
724. all I gotta do is
push you off a roof?
Copy !req
725. He said that
it was the best
Christmas he ever had?
Copy !req
726. Oh, big surprise!
Copy !req
727. It's just nice to
hear it from him.
Is that a problem with you?
Copy !req
728. All right. So?
Copy !req
729. May I speak, please?
I am a doctor.
Copy !req
730. No, he's not.
He's a psychiatrist.
Copy !req
731. Please.
Go ahead, Dr. Miller.
Copy !req
732. I guess we know
who's the teacher's pet.
Copy !req
733. Scott! Oh, grow up.
Copy !req
734. The reason we're here
is that this is
far more serious
Copy !req
735. than a boy believing
or not believing
in Santa Claus.
Copy !req
736. That's right,
because Charlie thinks
Copy !req
737. that this whole thing
actually happened.
Copy !req
738. Scott, what was
the last thing
you and Charlie did
Copy !req
739. before you went to bed
Christmas Eve?
Copy !req
740. We shared a bowl of sugar,
did some shots
of brown liquor,
Copy !req
741. played with my shotguns,
field dressed a cat,
Copy !req
742. looked for women.
Copy !req
743. I read him a book!
Copy !req
744. What book?
Copy !req
745. Hollywood Wives.
Copy !req
746. The Night Before
Christmas, folks.
Come on!
Copy !req
747. And did you go
to the North Pole?
Copy !req
748. This is ridiculous.
I don't have time for this.
Copy !req
749. Ridiculous or not, Scott,
Copy !req
750. for Charlie,
this isn't some
dream, it is real.
Copy !req
751. You need to
sit down with Charlie.
Copy !req
752. Explain to him
you are not Santa Claus.
Copy !req
753. They're like the bears
at the North Pole, Dad.
Copy !req
754. Charlie,
I already told you,
Copy !req
755. we did not go to
the North Pole.
Copy !req
756. That was a dream.
Copy !req
757. You're in denial, Dad.
Copy !req
758. Denial!
You don't even know
what that means.
Copy !req
759. Well, you are.
I know what happened.
Copy !req
760. How do you know that? How?
You don't have any proof.
Copy !req
761. Proof?
Copy !req
762. Why can't we both think of it
as just a great dream
and forget about it?
Copy !req
763. What about this?
Remember all
the neat stuff inside?
Copy !req
764. Charlie, this is a toy.
Copy !req
765. We used to make
things like this at work,
Copy !req
766. but no one bought 'em.
Copy !req
767. Here. I don't want
to talk about this anymore.
Copy !req
768. I know who
you are, Dad.
Copy !req
769. You'll figure it out
soon enough.
Copy !req
770. There are a lot of kids
that believe in you.
Copy !req
771. You can't let them down.
Copy !req
772. Charlie, you're wrong.
Copy !req
773. What's so funny?
Copy !req
774. Nothing.
Copy !req
775. Come on, Dancer.
Come on, Prancer.
Copy !req
776. We can't stop.
Copy !req
777. But I have to go
to the bathroom!
Copy !req
778. I told you, should've
gone before we left
the North Pole.
Copy !req
779. Whoa.
Copy !req
780. Right here.
Turn over here.
Copy !req
781. Where is he?
Copy !req
782. Well, he could be
in his room jumping up
and down on his bed,
Copy !req
783. wearing a red hat
and galoshes.
Copy !req
784. I don't care
what Neal's doing.
Where's Charlie?
Copy !req
785. Oh, I see, I see.
Copy !req
786. Well, if you can't be
father of the year,
Copy !req
787. why not be
Father Christmas, huh?
Copy !req
788. Charlie,
it's just not logical.
Copy !req
789. How can one man,
in one night,
Copy !req
790. visit all the children
of the world?
Copy !req
791. Not everyone
celebrates Christmas.
Copy !req
792. And I think there's
some sort of
time continuum
Copy !req
793. that breaks down once
Santa's in his sleigh.
Copy !req
794. What about fireplaces?
A lot of people
don't have them.
Copy !req
795. How does Santa
visit those people?
Copy !req
796. He turns into Jell-O
and...
Copy !req
797. The fireplace kind of
appears and he goes
through it like this.
Copy !req
798. What about the reindeer?
Copy !req
799. Have you ever seen
a reindeer fly?
Copy !req
800. Yes.
Well, I haven't.
Copy !req
801. Have you ever seen
$1 million?
Copy !req
802. No.
Copy !req
803. Just because
you haven't seen it
Copy !req
804. doesn't mean
it doesn't exist.
Copy !req
805. Hi, Neal. Howdy, sport.
Copy !req
806. Hi, Dad.
You wanna take a walk?
Copy !req
807. I wanna talk to you.
Copy !req
808. Sure. I'll get my coat.
Copy !req
809. Okay, hustle up.
Copy !req
810. Scott?
Can I have a minute?
Copy !req
811. Sure.
Copy !req
812. I think Charlie
is conflicted
at the moment.
Copy !req
813. Wow. Really?
Copy !req
814. Boy. Hmm.
Copy !req
815. Appreciate your analysis,
I really do.
Copy !req
816. Boy, you got more
important things to
worry about, you know.
Copy !req
817. Like, where are you
gonna get more sweaters
Copy !req
818. after the circus
pulls out of town?
Copy !req
819. Scott! I mean,
you're not listening.
Copy !req
820. We are very
concerned about this.
Copy !req
821. Concerned about what?
Copy !req
822. This...
Copy !req
823. If Charlie
spending time with you
is the best thing for him.
Copy !req
824. You were right about
the sweater, okay?
Copy !req
825. Do you think
by next year
Copy !req
826. I'll be big enough
to drive the sleigh
all by myself?
Copy !req
827. No!
Copy !req
828. But I've been practicing.
Copy !req
829. No, that's not what
I'm talking about.
Copy !req
830. Charlie, hold on
a second.
Copy !req
831. We've got
to talk about this
Santa Claus thing.
Copy !req
832. Charlie, there is no...
Copy !req
833. No what, Dad?
Copy !req
834. There's no reason
Copy !req
835. why we have
to tell anybody
about the North Pole.
Copy !req
836. Why not?
Copy !req
837. Well, sometimes
some things, big things,
Copy !req
838. should remain unsaid,
like between two people...
Copy !req
839. Oh, you mean like a secret.
Copy !req
840. Yes. Like a secret.
Let's keep it secret.
Copy !req
841. How come?
Copy !req
842. Because of Mom and Neal.
Copy !req
843. Not just because of them.
There's school.
Copy !req
844. Everybody thinks...
No, it's not
important what they think.
Copy !req
845. It...
Copy !req
846. How does five bucks
sound to ya?
Copy !req
847. This is something
I really want you
to do for me, sport.
Copy !req
848. I want to keep this secret.
Will ya do that, please?
Copy !req
849. Okay, Dad.
Copy !req
850. All right.
Copy !req
851. Great.
Copy !req
852. You don't have to
worry about the
Santa Claus thing anymore.
Copy !req
853. So when do I get
the five bucks?
Copy !req
854. 15 in the morning.
It's gonna be a beautiful day.
Copy !req
855. Spend the day
with me, Larry B.
Copy !req
856. Oof!
Copy !req
857. Huh?
Copy !req
858. Something's wrong
with the mirror.
Copy !req
859. What?
Copy !req
860. Something's wrong
with the scale!
Copy !req
861. Excuse me, excuse me.
Copy !req
862. I'll have a field
green salad and...
Oh, my God.
Copy !req
863. What the...
Copy !req
864. What? Scott?
Copy !req
865. MR. Calvin?
Copy !req
866. Sorry, the dry cleaner
in my neighborhood
Copy !req
867. went up in smoke,
some big chemical fire.
Copy !req
868. All my clothes, poof, gone.
Copy !req
869. God. Your...
Your weight.
Copy !req
870. What happened?
Copy !req
871. Bee sting.
Evidently, I'm allergic.
Copy !req
872. Almost killed me.
But the guy at the
emergency room says
Copy !req
873. the swelling
will go down.
Copy !req
874. I hope.
So, did I miss anything?
Copy !req
875. No, we were just
about to order lunch.
Copy !req
876. Great! I'm starving.
Copy !req
877. I'll have a salad
and ice tea and
dressing on the side.
Copy !req
878. Pasta and tomatoes
and very light on the oil.
Can you do that?
Copy !req
879. And I'll have a Caesar.
No dressing.
Copy !req
880. And one of those
homemade cookies,
Copy !req
881. the warm chocolate chip.
No nuts.
Copy !req
882. And a little slice of
cheesecake, creme brulee,
Copy !req
883. and hot fudge sundae,
extra hot fudge.
Copy !req
884. On the side.
Copy !req
885. Anything to drink?
Copy !req
886. Ice-cold milk.
Copy !req
887. Stung by a bee, Scott?
Copy !req
888. A big bee.
Copy !req
889. Finished?
Copy !req
890. Okay, now, remember.
This is just a storyboard.
Copy !req
891. But here is our
Copy !req
892. preliminary
Total Tank TV spot.
Copy !req
893. Okay, now, we've got Santa.
He's up in the North Pole.
Copy !req
894. He's getting ready
for Christmas!
Copy !req
895. Oh, no.
Copy !req
896. Problem?
Copy !req
897. It's just a little thing.
The elves.
Copy !req
898. What about the elves?
Copy !req
899. They look so funny.
Copy !req
900. They're supposed
to look funny.
They're elves.
Copy !req
901. Just my opinion.
Copy !req
902. Can't they look
a little younger
Copy !req
903. with silver specks
on their cheeks?
Copy !req
904. Can we continue here?
Copy !req
905. Okay, now this year,
Santa's not
going out in a sleigh.
Copy !req
906. This time
he's going Total Tank!
Copy !req
907. Wait a minute!
No way!
Copy !req
908. No way Santa's
going anywhere
without his sleigh.
Copy !req
909. He would if he's trying
to sell the Total Tank.
Copy !req
910. Well, isn't that
a pretty picture?
Copy !req
911. Santa rolling down
the block in a panzer.
Copy !req
912. Well, kids, I certainly
hope you've been
good this year.
Copy !req
913. 'Cause it looks like
Santa just took out
the Pearson home.
Copy !req
914. Incoming!
Oh, please.
Copy !req
915. And another thing.
What about the reindeer?
Copy !req
916. Reindeer and Santa.
Santa and reindeer.
Copy !req
917. It's kind of
a package deal.
Copy !req
918. Calvin.
Copy !req
919. You don't believe
in Santa, do you?
Copy !req
920. Calvin, can we get back
to the presentation?
Copy !req
921. I'm not done yet.
Copy !req
922. Since we've opened
this box,
Copy !req
923. have any of you tried
to build the Total Tank?
Copy !req
924. It's got 10,000 parts,
and even if you
do get it together,
Copy !req
925. it breaks 10 minutes later.
Copy !req
926. Then you got to
spend more money
to buy more parts.
Copy !req
927. I thought that was
the whole point.
Copy !req
928. No, no, no, no.
Copy !req
929. What we got to do
is develop a basic,
simple, inexpensive toy
Copy !req
930. that will nurture
a child's creative thinking.
Copy !req
931. Calvin...
Copy !req
932. Here, try the brown ones.
Copy !req
933. Can I see you
outside a minute?
Copy !req
934. I don't know what's
happening to you.
Copy !req
935. You're starting
to look like the
Pillsbury Doughboy.
Copy !req
936. You're falling apart.
Copy !req
937. I know! I know.
Copy !req
938. I don't know
what came over me.
Copy !req
939. Just get some help.
You should see
a doctor, a shrink.
Copy !req
940. A dietitian, anything.
Just get some help.
Copy !req
941. Okay, Scott.
The time is up.
Copy !req
942. Whew!
Copy !req
943. Get over here and
check your pulse.
Copy !req
944. All right.
Copy !req
945. Okay? Hmm.
Copy !req
946. Ah.
Copy !req
947. Ah.
Copy !req
948. Well, nuts. I...
Copy !req
949. Oh, no,
your pulse is great.
Copy !req
950. I don't know, Scott.
You're as healthy
as a horse.
Copy !req
951. Yeah. Clydesdale.
Copy !req
952. Okay, look. So, what?
You put on a little weight.
Copy !req
953. A little weight?
Does this look like
a little weight to you?
Copy !req
954. Weight can fluctuate
from year to year.
Copy !req
955. Fluctuate?
You make it sound like
I'm retaining water.
Copy !req
956. I've gained
45 pounds in a week!
Copy !req
957. Pete, what's
happening to me?
Copy !req
958. What's your diet like?
Copy !req
959. Milk and cookies.
Copy !req
960. Really?
But I don't finish
all the milk.
Copy !req
961. Well, then,
there is your problem.
Copy !req
962. Just try to cut back
on the sweets. Okay?
Copy !req
963. Anything else?
Copy !req
964. Yeah. How fast
does hair grow?
Facial hair?
Copy !req
965. What?
Copy !req
966. I shave in the morning
and in the afternoon,
I look like this.
Copy !req
967. Well, it could be
a hormonal imbalance.
Copy !req
968. That would explain
the mood swings.
Copy !req
969. Mood swings?
Copy !req
970. Look at my hair.
It's turning gray.
Copy !req
971. It's middle age, buddy.
It happens.
Copy !req
972. And with that body,
you should be
thankful you have hair.
Copy !req
973. Look, if it bothers you,
you can dye it,
and you should diet!
Copy !req
974. Just kidding.
Copy !req
975. Okay, up with the shirt.
Let's take a listen
to the old ticker.
Copy !req
976. Whoa.
Copy !req
977. Okay.
Copy !req
978. Ooh. That's cold.
Copy !req
979. Ah.
Copy !req
980. Get it!
Copy !req
981. What?
Copy !req
982. I want some
ballet slippers.
Copy !req
983. Hi, Mom.
Copy !req
984. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Copy !req
985. Hold on now.
Copy !req
986. Wait a minute.
Wait, I'm not done.
Copy !req
987. Fax me. Hi, hey.
This probably looks
pretty odd, doesn't it?
Copy !req
988. These kids lined up
all by themselves.
Copy !req
989. Scott, I think
it's safe to say
Copy !req
990. you're taking this
Santa thing to
an unhealthy level.
Copy !req
991. Here's my card.
Call me.
Copy !req
992. Scott, I really
have to tell you
Copy !req
993. that this is
beginning to scare me.
Copy !req
994. I never in my wildest...
Well, no, okay,
maybe my wildest...
Copy !req
995. But certainly never
in my normal dreams...
Copy !req
996. But then this is Scott
we're talking about.
Copy !req
997. Laura, the point.
Copy !req
998. I never thought
you would stoop
Copy !req
999. to changing your
physical appearance
Copy !req
1000. in order to make
Charlie like you.
Copy !req
1001. Do you have any concept
of how dangerous
this is to a little boy?
Copy !req
1002. Whoa, whoa.
"How dangerous"?
Copy !req
1003. Mom, what's the matter?
Copy !req
1004. Come on, Charlie.
We're going home.
Copy !req
1005. But we just started.
Copy !req
1006. You let him stay. I'll go.
Copy !req
1007. If you don't get your
act together, Scott,
so help me...
Copy !req
1008. Watch it, folks.
Copy !req
1009. Mom!
I will just...
Copy !req
1010. Hi, there.
Hi.
Copy !req
1011. I got a delivery for S.C.
Copy !req
1012. You S.C.?
Copy !req
1013. Scott Calvin,
that's me.
Copy !req
1014. Sign here, please.
Copy !req
1015. All right.
Copy !req
1016. Thanks. I'll get
your packages.
Copy !req
1017. Packages?
Copy !req
1018. Yeah. There's
quite a few of them.
Copy !req
1019. That's great.
Copy !req
1020. I'll leave the door open.
Just leave them inside here.
Copy !req
1021. Will do.
Copy !req
1022. It's the list!
Copy !req
1023. "Armand Assante"?
Copy !req
1024. Yo!
Copy !req
1025. Hold it! Hold...
Oh! Hold it!
Copy !req
1026. You! You! Take that...
Come on! Come on!
Copy !req
1027. Stay away from the truck.
Copy !req
1028. What am I supposed
to do with all these
packages, guys? Come on!
Copy !req
1029. You know, I knew it.
Copy !req
1030. I knew that something
was going on. I just...
Copy !req
1031. What I can't believe
is that he would
Copy !req
1032. go behind our backs
all this time,
Copy !req
1033. confusing
Charlie again just...
Copy !req
1034. I... What are we
supposed to do?
Copy !req
1035. Well, there's one
obvious alternative.
Copy !req
1036. Okay.
Copy !req
1037. Annie, nice.
Copy !req
1038. Beep!
Copy !req
1039. Johnny, naughty.
Copy !req
1040. Johnny, wait up!
Copy !req
1041. Gary, nice.
Copy !req
1042. Veronica, very nice.
Copy !req
1043. In your dreams,
sleigh boy.
Copy !req
1044. Hmm?
Copy !req
1045. I'm in big trouble.
Mmm-hmm.
Copy !req
1046. Thank you.
Copy !req
1047. Judge Wayland's office.
Copy !req
1048. Charlie, do you mind
if I talk to you
for a minute?
Copy !req
1049. It's okay, honey.
Come on.
Copy !req
1050. We won't be long.
Copy !req
1051. Are we doing
the right thing, Neal?
Copy !req
1052. Something needs
to shake Scott.
Copy !req
1053. Yeah, but...
Copy !req
1054. But to take away
his visitation rights.
Copy !req
1055. Honey, the man
is delusional.
Copy !req
1056. Okay, okay.
Copy !req
1057. So maybe I'm having
second thoughts,
kind of. I just...
Copy !req
1058. I mean, what was
so bad about Charlie
believing in Santa?
Copy !req
1059. Well, he's a little old.
Copy !req
1060. Oh, come on, Laura.
Copy !req
1061. Don't you remember
when you stopped
believing in Santa Claus?
Copy !req
1062. I was Charlie's age,
I guess.
Copy !req
1063. I wrote Santa a letter
every week that year.
Copy !req
1064. Well, okay.
You know, maybe...
Maybe not every week.
Copy !req
1065. But...
Copy !req
1066. Boy, I really wanted
a Mystery Date Game.
Copy !req
1067. Do you remember those?
Copy !req
1068. No. Of course you don't.
Copy !req
1069. You know, no one does.
Copy !req
1070. I don't even think
they make them
anymore, but...
Copy !req
1071. Well, anyway...
Copy !req
1072. Christmas morning
came and...
Copy !req
1073. Oh, I got dozens
of presents.
Copy !req
1074. I got everything.
Copy !req
1075. Except Mystery Date.
Copy !req
1076. I was three, and
it was an Oscar Mayer
wienie whistle.
Copy !req
1077. Christmas came.
No wienie whistle.
Copy !req
1078. And that's when
I stopped believing.
Copy !req
1079. You were three?
Copy !req
1080. Yeah.
Copy !req
1081. Oh, Neal.
Copy !req
1082. Where's Charlie?
Copy !req
1083. I want to talk to him.
Copy !req
1084. He's with the judge.
Copy !req
1085. Dad!
Copy !req
1086. It's all okay.
I told the judge everything
Copy !req
1087. about you
and the North Pole.
Copy !req
1088. After reviewing
all of your testimonies,
Copy !req
1089. I've come to a very
difficult decision.
Copy !req
1090. I'm sorry to do this
in light of
the holiday season.
Copy !req
1091. But in the best interest
of the child,
Copy !req
1092. I'm granting the petition
of Dr. And Mrs. Miller.
Copy !req
1093. Mr. Calvin,
as of today,
Copy !req
1094. all of your
visitation rights
are suspended,
Copy !req
1095. pending a hearing
after the first
of the year.
Copy !req
1096. Hey, Neal.
Copy !req
1097. Scott?
Copy !req
1098. You're not
supposed to be here.
Copy !req
1099. Don't make me
beat you up, Neal.
Copy !req
1100. Oh, would Santa really
beat someone up?
Copy !req
1101. I'm this close.
Copy !req
1102. So you still believe
you're Santa?
Copy !req
1103. I don't know.
Copy !req
1104. What do you mean
you don't know?
Copy !req
1105. Of course you are, Dad.
How can you say that?
Copy !req
1106. Think of all those kids.
Copy !req
1107. The only kid
I'm thinking about is you.
Copy !req
1108. Dad, I'm fine.
You can't let them down.
Copy !req
1109. They all believe in you.
Copy !req
1110. Charlie, listen.
Copy !req
1111. You listen! You think
you know who he is.
Copy !req
1112. You don't!
Charlie.
Copy !req
1113. Honey, listen.
You're confused.
Copy !req
1114. I know exactly who he is.
Copy !req
1115. Charlie!
He's not Santa.
Copy !req
1116. He is, too, Santa.
We went to
the North Pole together.
Copy !req
1117. I saw it.
Copy !req
1118. The elves are
real old even though
they look like me.
Copy !req
1119. Bernard called me sport,
'cause he knew everything.
Right, Dad?
Copy !req
1120. Remember!
Copy !req
1121. Thank you, Charlie.
Thank you.
Copy !req
1122. I love you, Dad.
Copy !req
1123. Could you guys
leave us alone
for a minute?
Copy !req
1124. I mean, so I can say
goodbye to him properly?
Copy !req
1125. Sure.
Copy !req
1126. So! You saw the ball
come to life.
Copy !req
1127. You bet I did.
Well, Charlie,
I guess I better go.
Copy !req
1128. I'll get my stuff.
Copy !req
1129. Wait, sport. Wait, wait.
Copy !req
1130. I think it's
a much better idea
Copy !req
1131. if you stayed here
with your mom.
Copy !req
1132. I want to be with you, Dad.
Copy !req
1133. Boy, I love
hearing you say that.
Copy !req
1134. You mean I can go?
Copy !req
1135. Boy, this bird is dry.
Copy !req
1136. Haven't you people
heard about basting?
Copy !req
1137. Bernard!
Copy !req
1138. Hiya, sport.
Copy !req
1139. Bernard, can I go?
Please, can I go, Bernard?
Copy !req
1140. It's okay with me.
Copy !req
1141. Charlie, if...
Copy !req
1142. Charlie?
Copy !req
1143. Scott!
Copy !req
1144. Charlie!
Copy !req
1145. This is our perpetrator!
Copy !req
1146. Scott Calvin,
38 years old.
Copy !req
1147. Believes himself
to be Santa Claus.
Copy !req
1148. Ladies and gentlemen,
this one is not
going to be easy to find.
Copy !req
1149. Won't the bright red suit
and beard give him away?
Copy !req
1150. Charlie's got some
great ideas on
how to keep you safe.
Copy !req
1151. Santa, this is Quintin,
head of research
and development.
Copy !req
1152. Quintin,
good to meet ya.
Copy !req
1153. Hello, Santa.
Copy !req
1154. Charlie and I have
put our heads together.
Copy !req
1155. I think we've got
a few surprises for you.
Copy !req
1156. This is some of
the best stuff
Copy !req
1157. that's come out of
the workshop
since the ball.
Copy !req
1158. Fabulous. What happens
if I fall off the roof?
Copy !req
1159. Is this the most
current photo you have?
Copy !req
1160. Hold on.
Copy !req
1161. Hello?
Copy !req
1162. Mom!
Copy !req
1163. Oh, Charlie. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1164. Honey, how are you?
Where are you?
Are you okay?
Copy !req
1165. I'm fine.
We're up at the North Pole.
Copy !req
1166. Charlie, are you sure
you're okay?
Copy !req
1167. I'm terrific.
Copy !req
1168. I'm helping the elves
build a new sleigh.
Copy !req
1169. We're trying for
a vertical takeoff.
Well, gotta go.
Copy !req
1170. The elves need me.
No. Charlie, wait.
Copy !req
1171. No. Don't hang up.
Charlie, don't...
Copy !req
1172. See you at Christmas.
Copy !req
1173. Fireplaces will
no longer be a problem.
Copy !req
1174. It's a new fabric.
Completely
flame retardant.
Copy !req
1175. It's light, yet durable.
Copy !req
1176. And you can wear
the jumpsuit under
your coat and pants.
Copy !req
1177. But what do I do if
I fall off a roof?
Copy !req
1178. We'll cordon off
a three-block radius
around Dr. Miller's house.
Copy !req
1179. Calvin is to be
apprehended unharmed.
Copy !req
1180. And remember,
he'll probably be
dressed like Santa Claus.
Copy !req
1181. Freeze!
Copy !req
1182. What?
Copy !req
1183. Not even my suit.
It's a rental.
Copy !req
1184. "From Comet, to Santa."
Did you make the card?
Copy !req
1185. It's a nice rope.
Just in case
I fall off the roof?
Copy !req
1186. Comet, this means
a lot to me.
Thanks, buddy.
Copy !req
1187. All right, let's go!
Copy !req
1188. You ready to go, sport?
Copy !req
1189. You betcha, Dad.
Copy !req
1190. Now Dasher, now Dancer!
Now Prancer and Vixen!
Copy !req
1191. On Comet, on Cupid!
On Donner and Blitzen!
Copy !req
1192. Hah!
Copy !req
1193. Bye! Bye, Quintin!
Bye, Peewee!
Copy !req
1194. Merry Christmas!
Copy !req
1195. Hyah!
Copy !req
1196. Whoa.
Copy !req
1197. Take your time.
Copy !req
1198. Turn to your right. Hello!
Copy !req
1199. No.
Copy !req
1200. Charlie,
stay in your seat.
Copy !req
1201. I gotta show you this.
Radar-jamming jingle bells,
Copy !req
1202. snow screen,
Copy !req
1203. DC-10 alert
and air freshener.
Copy !req
1204. Wow!
Copy !req
1205. And most important of all,
Copy !req
1206. your hat.
My hat?
Copy !req
1207. It's lined with
a two-way radio.
Copy !req
1208. Microphone's in here.
It connects you
directly to Judy.
Copy !req
1209. Wait a minute.
What's this?
Copy !req
1210. Oh, that's a CD.
Copy !req
1211. Compact disc.
Copy !req
1212. No. Cookie/cocoa dispenser.
Copy !req
1213. The cocoa comes
out nice and hot.
Copy !req
1214. And out pops a cookie.
Copy !req
1215. How could I have done this
without ya, Charlie?
Copy !req
1216. You couldn't.
Copy !req
1217. You're fatter this year.
Copy !req
1218. Thank you very much.
You've grown, too.
Copy !req
1219. And you were a very
good girl this year,
Copy !req
1220. but I want you to
go back to sleep, okay?
Copy !req
1221. I think the milk's
a little sour.
Copy !req
1222. It's soy milk.
Copy !req
1223. Huh?
Copy !req
1224. You said you were
lactose intolerant.
Copy !req
1225. I did say that, didn't I?
Thanks for remembering.
Copy !req
1226. Go to sleep.
Copy !req
1227. Merry Christmas, Sara.
Copy !req
1228. Merry Christmas, Santa.
Copy !req
1229. Look, there's
Mom and Neal's street.
Copy !req
1230. Can we go there next?
Sure.
Copy !req
1231. I made something for them
at the workshop.
Copy !req
1232. Freeze!
Copy !req
1233. Oh!
Copy !req
1234. You officers
really gave me a start.
Copy !req
1235. Merry Christmas, guys.
Copy !req
1236. Not for you, fat boy.
Copy !req
1237. "Fat boy"? Guys.
Copy !req
1238. Uh-uh-uh.
Nice and easy now.
Copy !req
1239. Guys, guys.
I got a lot of work to do.
This is a big mistake.
Copy !req
1240. You got to
watch the suit, too.
Copy !req
1241. This is so old.
It's an antique, you know.
Copy !req
1242. Where's the boy?
Copy !req
1243. He's in the sleigh.
Copy !req
1244. We got Calvin.
We're bringing him out.
Copy !req
1245. Santa, are you okay?
Over, over.
Copy !req
1246. Watch your head.
Santa?
Are you all right?
Copy !req
1247. Santa?
Copy !req
1248. It'll be okay, kids.
Copy !req
1249. Let him go!
Let Santa go!
Copy !req
1250. Honey,
I'm sure Charlie's fine.
Copy !req
1251. We've got a problem.
Santa was at the Millers,
but he's not responding.
Copy !req
1252. Well, time to
deploy E.L.F.S.
Copy !req
1253. Let's go!
Copy !req
1254. Go, go, go, go!
Copy !req
1255. Look, I know
you're Scott Calvin.
Copy !req
1256. You know
you're Scott Calvin.
Copy !req
1257. So let's make this simple.
Copy !req
1258. I say, name.
You say, Scott Calvin.
Copy !req
1259. Name?
Copy !req
1260. Kriss Kringle.
Copy !req
1261. Name?
Copy !req
1262. Sinterklaas.
Copy !req
1263. Name?
Copy !req
1264. Pere Noel.
Copy !req
1265. Babbo Natale.
Pelz-Nicole.
Copy !req
1266. Topo Gigio.
Copy !req
1267. Okay, Calvin.
Copy !req
1268. Maybe a couple of
hours in the tank'll
change your mind.
Copy !req
1269. Charlie?
Copy !req
1270. Yeah?
Copy !req
1271. Don't worry.
We're the good guys.
Copy !req
1272. Come on.
Let's go save Santa.
Copy !req
1273. We can't.
The police are
watching this place.
Copy !req
1274. Yeah, they probably are.
Copy !req
1275. But you see,
we weren't figuring on
walking out the front door.
Copy !req
1276. We find that
we can get around
a lot faster if we fly.
Copy !req
1277. Now grab hold of my hand.
Copy !req
1278. And hang on tight.
Copy !req
1279. And Charlie?
Copy !req
1280. Yeah?
Copy !req
1281. Don't ever try this
without elf supervision.
Copy !req
1282. We're looking
for Santa Claus.
Copy !req
1283. Go home, kids.
Visiting hours are over.
Copy !req
1284. We're not kids,
and we're not visiting.
Copy !req
1285. We're here to
bust out my dad.
Copy !req
1286. You're the Calvin boy.
Copy !req
1287. Who are these other kids?
Copy !req
1288. We're your
worst nightmare.
Copy !req
1289. Elves with attitude.
Copy !req
1290. Shouldn't have
had that donut.
Copy !req
1291. Untie me! I mean it!
Copy !req
1292. Untie...
Copy !req
1293. Charlie!
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1294. Are you okay, Dad?
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1295. I am now.
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1296. How'd you do that?
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1297. Tinsel.
Not just for decoration.
Copy !req
1298. Hey, excuse me.
Can I get
some of that tinsel?
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1299. Mom?
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1300. Mom!
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1301. Neal? I'm home!
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1302. Charlie?
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1303. Charlie?
Oh, my God, Charlie!
Charlie.
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1304. Sweetheart. Oh, God.
Come here, come here.
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1305. Oh, my boy.
Oh, sweetheart.
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1306. My boy, you're home!
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1307. I missed you so much.
How are you?
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1308. I'm fine, Mom.
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1309. Are you okay?
Look at me.
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1310. Charlie, I missed you, honey.
Mom, I'm fine. It's okay.
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1311. I was so worried.
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1312. Mom, put me down.
Stop kissing me.
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1313. I don't have a lot of time.
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1314. Did you leave the gifts
I made under the tree?
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1315. You bet I did.
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1316. We better go.
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1317. No, Charlie. No, no, no.
No! Wait, Charlie.
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1318. It's okay, Laura.
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1319. Actually, I... I think
it's a much better idea
Copy !req
1320. that you stay here
with your mom and Neal.
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1321. Really?
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1322. But, Dad...
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1323. No buts, Charlie.
I can't be selfish.
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1324. I can't be with ya
all the time.
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1325. We're a family.
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1326. You, me, your mom...
Copy !req
1327. And Neal.
Copy !req
1328. And they need to
be with ya, too.
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1329. I miss you too much.
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1330. Come here a minute.
Copy !req
1331. Listen to me.
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1332. Come on, listen.
There's a lot of
kids out there.
Copy !req
1333. Okay? Millions of kids.
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1334. They all believe in me.
They're counting
on me, Charlie.
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1335. I'm not gonna let 'em down.
I got a lot of work to do.
Copy !req
1336. So I can't be
selfish either.
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1337. You gave me a wonderful gift.
Listen, a wonderful gift.
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1338. You believed in me
when nobody else did.
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1339. You helped make me Santa.
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1340. Selfish? Come on.
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1341. You're the least
selfish person I know.
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1342. I love you, Santa Claus.
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1343. I love you, son.
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1344. It's okay. Okay.
It's okay.
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1345. Laura, what do you think?
Copy !req
1346. Christmas Eve you guys
spend with Charlie?
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1347. Oh, my God.
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1348. It's you.
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1349. It really is you.
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1350. You really are
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1351. Santa Claus.
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1352. Pretty cool, huh?
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1353. Oh, my God.
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1354. And your parents thought
I'd never amount to anything.
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1355. Wait. Don't go yet.
I have something for you.
Copy !req
1356. It's Santa.
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1357. Scott.
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1358. Neal.
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1359. Santa?
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1360. It's okay, Neal.
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1361. Here.
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1362. It's... Well, it's...
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1363. It's my Christmas
present for you.
It's the custody papers.
Copy !req
1364. And I want you to
come and see Charlie
as often as you can.
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1365. You can count on it.
Copy !req
1366. Thanks, Laura.
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1367. Merry Christmas.
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1368. What's all this
boo-hooing
going on here?
Copy !req
1369. Hey, how ya doing?
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1370. It's nothing, Bernard.
I'm just saying
goodbye to Charlie.
Copy !req
1371. What goodbye?
You still got
the glass ball, right?
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1372. Yeah.
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1373. Well, all you got to do
is shake it
Copy !req
1374. whenever you want
to see your dad.
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1375. Really?
Copy !req
1376. He can come back
to see you anytime,
day or night.
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1377. Hey, have I ever
steered ya wrong?
Copy !req
1378. Nice sweater.
Copy !req
1379. Hey, did we make this?
Copy !req
1380. Laura. He's sucking us
into his delusions.
Copy !req
1381. Look at the elaborate
measures he's taken.
Copy !req
1382. Neal, relax.
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1383. I'll explain it
to you later.
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1384. Where'd he go?
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1385. Go, go, go, go!
Copy !req
1386. Team one!
Copy !req
1387. Okay, stand back, folks.
Give us some room.
Copy !req
1388. Here you go, sir.
Thanks.
Copy !req
1389. Return to your homes!
Stay off the street!
Copy !req
1390. Come on, folks.
Let us do our job here.
Copy !req
1391. Excuse me,
excuse me. Hi!
Copy !req
1392. You know, you don't
have to send anybody...
Copy !req
1393. Hey! Hey!
Oh, my gosh!
Copy !req
1394. That's my ex-husband
and he's already
up the chimney.
Copy !req
1395. Chief, look up there.
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1396. Santa Claus!
Copy !req
1397. Santa.
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1398. Look!
Copy !req
1399. What is it?
Copy !req
1400. Oh, wow!
Copy !req
1401. Up there. Do you see it?
Hey, do you see it?
Copy !req
1402. Goodbye, Charlie.
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1403. Bye, Dad!
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1404. Merry Christmas to all!
And to all a good night!
Copy !req
1405. I'm sorry, Charlie.
Copy !req
1406. That's okay, Neal.
You were just denying
your inner child.
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1407. You're gonna make
a great psychiatrist
one day, kid.
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1408. No, I think I'm going to go
into the family business.
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1409. Look out below!
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1410. My wienie whistle.
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1411. Bye!
Merry Christmas!
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1412. Charlie?
Time to come inside.
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1413. Mom, this stupid
ball's not working.
Copy !req
1414. Shoot.
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1415. Hey, sport!
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1416. Dad!
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1417. You miss me already?
I've been gone, what?
Ten minutes?
Copy !req
1418. Give me a break.
I was on my way
to Cleveland.
Copy !req
1419. Come here and give me a hug.
Copy !req
1420. Do you want to go
for a quick ride?
Copy !req
1421. Yeah!
Copy !req
1422. Of course,
it's up to your mom.
Copy !req
1423. Please, Mom.
Copy !req
1424. Go on. Get out of here.
Copy !req
1425. All right. Hold on.
Copy !req
1426. On our way.
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1427. Bye, Mom!
Copy !req
1428. Just a quick one.
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1429. And...
Copy !req
1430. Not over any oceans, Scott.
Copy !req
1431. Bye, Mom! Bye!
Scott.
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1432. Scott!
Copy !req
1433. Santa!
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