1. The holly and the ivyCopy !req
2. When they are both full grownCopy !req
3. Of all the trees
that are in the woodsCopy !req
4. The holly bears the crownCopy !req
5. Oh, the rising of the sunCopy !req
6. And the running of the deerCopy !req
7. The playing of the merry organCopy !req
8. Sweet singing in the choirCopy !req
9. There's supposed to be
a baby Jesus in the manger...Copy !req
10. but someone stole it.Copy !req
11. - Really?
- Lieutenant, where is that baby Jesus?Copy !req
12. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
13. Sounds great, Bob.Copy !req
14. Thanks, Chief.
Merry Christmas.Copy !req
15. Steve, Phil,
merry Christmas.Copy !req
16. Oh, wow!
That's so cool.Copy !req
17. Hi.Copy !req
18. - Merry Christmas.
- Oh, merry Christmas.Copy !req
19. Merry Christmas, sir.Copy !req
20. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
21. Merry Christmas, sir.Copy !req
22. Oh, thank you very much, sir.Copy !req
23. - Merry Christmas to you and your family.
- Thank you very much.Copy !req
24. Thank you very much.
Merry Christmas.Copy !req
25. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
26. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
27. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
28. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
29. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
30. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
31. All right,
this next exercise...Copy !req
32. will help you both
with listening.Copy !req
33. One of you will speak while
the other really just...Copy !req
34. listens.Copy !req
35. Would someone like
to go first?Copy !req
36. - Me. I had this crazy dream.
- Do we have to do dreams?Copy !req
37. I was at this fancy restaurant
having lunch...Copy !req
38. and the waiter brought me my entree.
It was a salad.Copy !req
39. It was Lloyd's head
on a plate of spinach...Copy !req
40. with his penis
sticking out of his ear.Copy !req
41. And I said,
'I didn't order this. "Copy !req
42. And the waiter said,
"You must try it. It's a delicacy.Copy !req
43. But don't eat the penis:
it's just garnish."Copy !req
44. - Mmm.
- Lloyd, what do you think about the dream?Copy !req
45. I think she should stop telling it
at dinner parties to all our friends.Copy !req
46. I mean, dreams should be private,
don't you think?Copy !req
47. I'm not here to judge or
to take sides. I will say...Copy !req
48. - Communication is healthy.
- Healthy?Copy !req
49. Telling people she dreams of me being
castrated "Florentined" is healthy?Copy !req
50. Are there any sexual
problems in the marriage?Copy !req
51. Well...Copy !req
52. the truth is, um, we haven't had sex
in quite a while.Copy !req
53. And before that,
it wasn't all that, um...Copy !req
54. Oh, what's the word?Copy !req
55. - Noteworthy.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
56. By our 12th anniversary, we'd
gotten into a pretty stale routine.Copy !req
57. A couple of kisses,
a couple of nipple twists.Copy !req
58. It would be over in the time
it takes to make cappuccino.Copy !req
59. I know because I timed it once.
I mean, it's no wonder I had an affair.Copy !req
60. How could you tell him that so casually,
like you were asking for water?Copy !req
61. Actually, may I have
a glass of water?Copy !req
62. Why don't you have oral sex too.
I'll go wait in the car!Copy !req
63. Lloyd, how do you feel
about Caroline's affair?Copy !req
64. - He just wants me to wear a red "A" and sleep in the basement.
- Is that so unreasonable?Copy !req
65. Everything's either
black or white with him.Copy !req
66. You know, he doesn't... he doesn't see
where he's responsible.Copy !req
67. And I mean, it just didn't mean
anything to me.Copy !req
68. It shouldn't even
be counted as an affair.Copy !req
69. I think we need
a ruling on this.Copy !req
70. Bells will be ringingCopy !req
71. The sad, sad newsCopy !req
72. Oh, what a ChristmasCopy !req
73. To have the bluesCopy !req
74. My baby's goneCopy !req
75. I have no friendsCopy !req
76. Jesus.Copy !req
77. Cat piss.Copy !req
78. Ugh.Copy !req
79. Lloyd, have you
forgiven Caroline for her affair?Copy !req
80. Look, it was a long time ago.
It's over. I'm fine about it.Copy !req
81. - I just don't want to talk about it.
- Then let me ask you something.Copy !req
82. What do you want
from the marriage now?Copy !req
83. I wanna stop talking about it.
Look, the truth is I want nothing.Copy !req
84. I have everything I need.
I'm actually a very content person.Copy !req
85. What a liar. You're so unhappy
you can hardly breathe.Copy !req
86. And I feel it in every gesture,
in every silence.Copy !req
87. And I'm miserable. How can we
both be in the marriage...Copy !req
88. - And I'm miserable and you're content?
- Luck?Copy !req
89. - Caroline, what do you want from the marriage?
- Oh, this should be good.Copy !req
90. You don't know what you want.
You blame everybody else for it.Copy !req
91. She's impossible to satisfy.
She lives in her fantasies.Copy !req
92. I mean, let's really try to understand
Caroline's miserable life.Copy !req
93. - She lives in a beautiful home.
- Which his mother owns.Copy !req
94. - I have a successful business.
- Which his mother owns.Copy !req
95. We're in servitude to his mother for
a loan she's charging us 18% interest on.Copy !req
96. - We personally own nothing.
- We took out a loan.Copy !req
97. No, you took out a loan.
It was your decision.Copy !req
98. - You took out a loan from Satan Mom.
- She blames my mother...Copy !req
99. for everything that's gone wrong in her life.
In the meantime, she never finishes anything.Copy !req
100. Photography courses, existential philosophy
courses, Scandinavian cooking classes...Copy !req
101. - At least I go after my dreams.
- To be what? Somebody who takes photographs...Copy !req
102. of lutefisk to prove the nothingness of
being? No wonder our son's so confused.Copy !req
103. See? He blames me for Jesse.
Is that right?Copy !req
104. - I'm not here to judge.
- What the hell good are you?Copy !req
105. You're the one who suffocated him
with limitations.Copy !req
106. - Our son's a very sensitive, creative...
- Juvenile delinquent.Copy !req
107. - Boy. He has the imagination...
- That the Mafia gives scholarships for.Copy !req
108. In the ninth grade, we told him
he could get a part-time job.Copy !req
109. He started an escort service for the football
team, and he gave out my mother's phone number.Copy !req
110. And I still say gettin' laid by an
18-year-old linebacker is just what she needs!Copy !req
111. - Please! Let's lower our voices!
- Fuck you!Copy !req
112. Yes.Copy !req
113. Fuckin'...Copy !req
114. Burglary.! Burglary.!Copy !req
115. Burglary.!Copy !req
116. Ohh!Copy !req
117. Oh, no! Gussie!Copy !req
118. Where the hell are ya?Copy !req
119. Wanna play ball?Copy !req
120. Play catch, pal? Huh?Copy !req
121. Chase the ball?Copy !req
122. Good doggy.
Good thickheaded doggy.Copy !req
123. How about this, huh? Huh?Copy !req
124. Go.Copy !req
125. Get some light over here.Copy !req
126. Check around back.Copy !req
127. You can divorce me, you know.
I mean, I don't care about alimony.Copy !req
128. You can say...Copy !req
129. that I was unfaithful.Copy !req
130. You were.Copy !req
131. That's why I said
you can say it.Copy !req
132. No, no. You said it
as if it weren't true...Copy !req
133. but that I could say it
just to get the divorce.Copy !req
134. Except that it is true,
and we're not getting a divorce.Copy !req
135. And later on in the news...Copy !req
136. - Aren't you coming in with me?
- No, I want to listen to the news.Copy !req
137. There is a world going on beyond
our problems, Caroline.Copy !req
138. Just because you've made
your decree about this divorce...Copy !req
139. - Doesn't mean I'm giving up on it.
- Caroline...Copy !req
140. the day you see anything through to
the end, I'll stick my own dick in my ear.Copy !req
141. - I ordered a case of
eggnog so this wouldn't happen.Copy !req
142. I'm sorry.
I can't help you.Copy !req
143. You don't understand.
I have 25 relatives coming in one hour...Copy !req
144. and you have
one bottle of eggnog.Copy !req
145. - What am I gonna do?
- It's Christmas. I'm here alone.Copy !req
146. I'd love to be able to help you.
I don't know what to tell you.Copy !req
147. Are you crazy?Copy !req
148. I have nothing
I can do for you. I'm sorry.Copy !req
149. - There's no one in the store to help me. Can't you make some?
- Make some? Are you nuts?Copy !req
150. - I have got 25 relatives coming.
- It only takes cream, nutmeg...Copy !req
151. You don't understand.
What am I gonna do without it?Copy !req
152. - I promised them I'd have eggnog!
- You can if you make it.Copy !req
153. I can't make it!
You make it!Copy !req
154. Okay.Copy !req
155. - Don't move. Don't talk.
This is a gun in your back.Copy !req
156. What's going on?
Who is he?Copy !req
157. He's the world beyond our problems,
which is now our problem.Copy !req
158. - Shut up. Drive.
- My God, Carrie, are you all right?Copy !req
159. Drive.Copy !req
160. Lieutenant Huff, how could
this have happened in Old Baybrook?Copy !req
161. Why weren't there
more police on the street?Copy !req
162. - This man has been terrorizing the entire county.
- Look.Copy !req
163. I'd put more men on the street, but
they're not qualified for this kind of thing.Copy !req
164. Why not? They are police,
aren't they?Copy !req
165. They have no experience.
Nothing ever happens in this town.Copy !req
166. The only time we get
calls from you people...Copy !req
167. is when some kid is
playing a practical joke...Copy !req
168. or your faggot dogs start humping
each other without permission.Copy !req
169. Anytime there's any real problem,
you people call your judge friends...Copy !req
170. and your attorney general friends
and your district attorney friends.Copy !req
171. Why don't you call them now
and get the hell out of my office?Copy !req
172. It doesn't necessarily
have to be your office.Copy !req
173. I'm calling an emergency meeting of the
Old Baybrook Emergency Community Committee.Copy !req
174. And I'll be suggesting
at that meeting...Copy !req
175. that our volunteers patrol
the streets to protect our homes.Copy !req
176. And if you would like, Lt. Huff, I will speak
to the mayor... a golfing chum of mine...Copy !req
177. about finding you a replacement, since
you don't like it here in Old Baybrook.Copy !req
178. And maybe I'll just tell him that
you've hit into a water hazard...Copy !req
179. and you're way in
over your head.Copy !req
180. Get out.Copy !req
181. Authorities have speculated
that the thief may still be in the area.Copy !req
182. - Roadblocks are being set up on Interstate...
- Fuck! Goddamn it!Copy !req
183. Turn it off.
Turn it off.Copy !req
184. Goddamn it! Shit!Copy !req
185. Fuckin'Christmas.!Copy !req
186. Fuckin' cocksuckers!
Jesus!Copy !req
187. I can't believe they're going
to all this trouble for a thief.Copy !req
188. - I mean, it's not like you killed anyone.
- Kinda silly, ain't it?Copy !req
189. - Yeah.
- Although it's still early, right?Copy !req
190. - What's that smell?
- Shut up!Copy !req
191. Take me to your house.Copy !req
192. Listen, we'll drop you off wherever
you'd like, and we won't say a word.Copy !req
193. - We're not heroes.
- I can vouch for that. Lloyd is no hero.Copy !req
194. Enough, okay? I said take me
to your fuckin' house.Copy !req
195. I gotta think.
Aw, fuck.Copy !req
196. - Fuck. Christ.
- What? Nothing.Copy !req
197. - No. What was that laugh for? No, I don't.
- Oh, like you don't know.Copy !req
198. Oh, yeah, sure, right.
"Lloyd's no hero." Thanks a lot!Copy !req
199. - Please. I was trying to...
- Go to hell!Copy !req
200. Shut up.Copy !req
201. - Never've happened if you'd come into the store!
- I have a gun.Copy !req
202. - He chose me because I was alone.
- Shut up!Copy !req
203. - Jesus fuckin' Christ!
- Okay, okay.Copy !req
204. But I'm right, aren't I? You would
never have taken a couple, would you?Copy !req
205. - All right. No.
- No. Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
206. - Christ.
- See?Copy !req
207. - Happy now? Great.
- Yeah, I am, actually.Copy !req
208. - Less than ten minutes ago, you sat in the car...
- Hey, hey! Stop sign.Copy !req
209. - And told me you want to stop arguing.
- Stop sign! Whoa!Copy !req
210. Ho.! Ho.! Ho.!Copy !req
211. Hey, morons!Copy !req
212. - You ran the stop sign.
- I did not. There was no stop sign.Copy !req
213. - Yes, there was, and yes, you did.
- You didn't even see it.Copy !req
214. - He saw it. He said, 'stop sign. "I heard it.
- Great.Copy !req
215. I hijacked
my fuckin' parents.Copy !req
216. - Somebody who makes sense, I listen to.! Yes, there was.
- There was no stop sign.Copy !req
217. - Uh, Lieutenant, I found this mask with a weird smell.
- We both found it.Copy !req
218. Urine.Copy !req
219. Oh, thank God.
Phil thought it might be semen.Copy !req
220. Phil needs to talk
to a therapist.Copy !req
221. Hey, Lieutenant.Copy !req
222. - We found it. Why'd you say that?
- I found it.Copy !req
223. It's the county prosecutor.Copy !req
224. Lt. Huff here.Copy !req
225. - Will Warren here. What's the suspect's M.O.?
- Shh.Copy !req
226. Suspect left behind
a face mask.Copy !req
227. There are traces of blond hair
and the faint odor of after-shave mixed...Copy !req
228. I spoke to Mr. Willard. It seems there
might be a videotape of the robbery.Copy !req
229. - A videotape? Where'd he say it is?
- I called state police.Copy !req
230. - State police? Is that necessary?
- It would be best...Copy !req
231. - My men are searching the place now...
- No.Copy !req
232. - What?
- We'll let professionals handle this.Copy !req
233. Excuse me, but this is my jurisdiction,
and we are perfectly capable...Copy !req
234. I do not want you or your men
going in there.! Do you hear me?Copy !req
235. Yeah, yeah.
I heard you!Copy !req
236. So... can we go home now?Copy !req
237. Get everybody out of there. Leave a
couple of guys here for the state police.Copy !req
238. They got professionals coming.Copy !req
239. If that's wantingCopy !req
240. If that's loveCopy !req
241. If that's loveCopy !req
242. If that's loveCopy !req
243. I'm coming.Copy !req
244. - Chasser. - That's Chasseur.
It's 18th-century French Huguenot.Copy !req
245. I'm glad I caught you before
you left for the holidays.Copy !req
246. - May I come in?
- No.Copy !req
247. - I can't give it to you out in the hall.
- Listen, Siskel...Copy !req
248. I just developed some
new pictures. Stunning.Copy !req
249. Might even make a book. Something like
Mapplethorpe, only a little bit more personal.Copy !req
250. - Demon seed.
- Ooh.Copy !req
251. My best to the wife and kids.
Merry Christmas.Copy !req
252. Move it. Move it, I said.Copy !req
253. - We have gifts in the car in back.
- Shut up!Copy !req
254. They might get stolen.Copy !req
255. - Well, didn't you lock the car?
- That's ridiculous.Copy !req
256. Shut up! Christ.Copy !req
257. Hi, guys. It's me.Copy !req
258. Hey! Hey! Hey!Copy !req
259. - The alarm.
- You don't have to pick me up at the station.Copy !req
260. I'm getting a ride home with a friend.
I'll be late for dinner...Copy !req
261. so start without me.
Just kidding, Mom. See you later. Bye.Copy !req
262. Who's that?Copy !req
263. - J-Jesse, our son.
- We were supposed to p...Copy !req
264. - Station.
- At 8:00.Copy !req
265. Nice.
You rich?Copy !req
266. - No. Oh, God, no. No, no.
- Not really, no.Copy !req
267. Antiques like this
ain't cheap.Copy !req
268. I run an antique store in town.
These are all from the shop.Copy !req
269. - It's his mother's store.
- So?Copy !req
270. Well, you made it sound like
it was yours. 'I run an antique store. "Copy !req
271. I said I run it. I didn't say I own it.
I am the manager.Copy !req
272. - Do you think he cares if you work for your mother?
- Hey! Hey! Hey!Copy !req
273. Let's get one thing straight. From now on,
the only person who yells is me.Copy !req
274. Why? Because
I have a gun, okay?Copy !req
275. People with guns can do
whatever they want.Copy !req
276. Married people without guns...
for instance, you...Copy !req
277. - Mm-hmm.
- Do not get to yell!Copy !req
278. Why? No guns!Copy !req
279. No guns, no yelling! See?Copy !req
280. Simple little equation.Copy !req
281. Jesus Christ, who are
you fuckin'people?Copy !req
282. Caroline and Lloyd Chasseur.
What's your name?Copy !req
283. Fuck you, that's my name.Copy !req
284. Got any rope... Lloyd?Copy !req
285. For what?Copy !req
286. - What am I, applying for a job?
- No.Copy !req
287. Then stop asking me fuckin' questions,
okay? Got any rope, Lloyd?Copy !req
288. No, we don't
have any rope.Copy !req
289. We have bungee cords.
They might work.Copy !req
290. - Where? Move.
- Right through there in the kitchen.Copy !req
291. I don't believe you.Copy !req
292. Expecting company?Copy !req
293. Yes. Lloyd's mother and his brother's
family are coming for dinner.Copy !req
294. They should be here by 9:00.Copy !req
295. Great.Copy !req
296. Jesus.Copy !req
297. Excuse my reach.Copy !req
298. - Pass the ketchup.
- Pass the ketchup, please.Copy !req
299. I'm not hungry now. I thought
we were eating at Uncle Lloyd's.Copy !req
300. God knows what disaster
your Aunt Caroline is making.Copy !req
301. This may be our last chance
for normal food.Copy !req
302. She does it to irritate me.
I'm the one that she's after.Copy !req
303. - But I'm not hungry now.
- Eat! Don't annoy me. It's Christmas.Copy !req
304. - I'm sure she's going to a lot of trouble.
- Gary.Copy !req
305. The last time you ate her cooking,
you had diarrhea for a week.Copy !req
306. You had diarrhea
for a week, Dad?Copy !req
307. That is not appropriate
dinner conversation. Eat!Copy !req
308. If we hate Aunt Caroline's cooking so much,
why do we go there every year for Christmas?Copy !req
309. Because my poor Lloyd
needs his family.Copy !req
310. Otherwise, he'd be all alone with that
adulteress and her delinquent son.Copy !req
311. I hope they get into a fight
like always. Their fights are bitchin'.Copy !req
312. Shut up.! Don't make me nuts today.!
It's Christmas.!Copy !req
313. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
314. Ahh. Mmm.Copy !req
315. So... what's the worst
dive bar near here?Copy !req
316. - Seventeenth Hole.
- The Mackerel Lounge.Copy !req
317. How do you know that?Copy !req
318. I passed by once
on the access road.Copy !req
319. Did you ever pass by the Seventeenth
Hole? It's like a urinal with windows.Copy !req
320. And the Mackerel Lounge couldn't be a dive
bar, because they can have entertainment.Copy !req
321. - It's Christmas
You're drunk and in jailCopy !req
322. Mackerel Lounge.
Herbie speaking.Copy !req
323. - I'm looking for a friend.
- The Mackerel Lounge couldn't be the worst dive bar.Copy !req
324. - Can you hang on just one second please?
- Oh, you happen to know.!Copy !req
325. Aah!Copy !req
326. Thanks. I'm looking
for a friend of mine.Copy !req
327. He's kind of a, uh,
short... drunken loser.Copy !req
328. You just described
everybody in the place.Copy !req
329. See if there's a guy
named Murray there, okay?Copy !req
330. Is there a Murray here?Copy !req
331. There'll be some whiskey
and a six-packCopy !req
332. - Not a tree
- I don't think he's here, pal.Copy !req
333. See if there's a waste of fucking life
named Murray. Try that one, okay?Copy !req
334. Is there a fucking waste
of life named Murray here?Copy !req
335. Gus. Uh...Copy !req
336. hello?Copy !req
337. Murray.
How are ya, pal?Copy !req
338. - Fine. How are you?
- Oh, fabulous, fabulous. Of course, I'm a little tired...Copy !req
339. from running for ten hundred fuckin'miles
because there was no fuckin'car waiting for me.!Copy !req
340. What did I tell you
if something went wrong?Copy !req
341. I told you to act like
a drunk vagrant imbecile.Copy !req
342. - Is that too much of a fuckin' stretch?
- I got nervous.Copy !req
343. The cops were
all over the place.Copy !req
344. The cops, they've set up a roadblock.
They're checking cars.Copy !req
345. - And by 10:00 tonight, there's a curfew.
- Fuck it.Copy !req
346. - I just heard it at the bar.
- Fuckin'...Copy !req
347. Excuse me.
Is anything wrong?Copy !req
348. Lloyd, don't talk to me.Copy !req
349. Don't talk to me.
Shut up.Copy !req
350. - Don't say anything to me. Okay? Understand?
- Gussie?Copy !req
351. - Shh.
- Because maybe we can help, you know.Copy !req
352. My God!
I swear to God!Copy !req
353. Gussie, where the hell are ya? I'm scared.
I don't think I can handle this.Copy !req
354. - I'm...
- Ya been drinkin'?Copy !req
355. No. No.
What are ya, nuts?Copy !req
356. - Listen...
- Calm down, okay? Just calm down.Copy !req
357. You gotta help me.Copy !req
358. I'll tell you what. Go to a place
called Winslow Harbors, okay?Copy !req
359. - And steal us a boat.
- Boat? Wha...Copy !req
360. I'm a car man, Gussie. What the hell
do I know about boats?Copy !req
361. Figure it out.! I don't care if it's
a barrel as long as it fucking floats.Copy !req
362. 7:30 now. Curfew starts at 10:00.
That gives you more than enough time.Copy !req
363. Ya got a pen?
Write this number down.Copy !req
364. Okay? 555-3537.Copy !req
365. - Okay? Repeat it.
- 3537.Copy !req
366. Listen, kid. Maybe you better tell me where
the swag is, in case I have to bribe somebody.Copy !req
367. - No, Murray. No.
- But...Copy !req
368. You can hot-wire station wagons,
you can hot-wire a fucking boat.Copy !req
369. And just remember, if you can't, what
men your age become in prison: wet nurses.Copy !req
370. Okay, Murray?
Bye-bye.Copy !req
371. Oh. Thanks.Copy !req
372. Ah. Everything's
gonna be fine.Copy !req
373. Everything's
gonna be A-okay.Copy !req
374. We're gonna be in a boat in a couple
of hours. We'll be out of here.Copy !req
375. Right back on track.
Right? Right.Copy !req
376. Ah! Ahh!Copy !req
377. Now...
got any cigarettes?Copy !req
378. I don't smoke,
and Caroline just quit.Copy !req
379. Ah.Copy !req
380. Just quit, huh?Copy !req
381. So... where are they,
Caroline?Copy !req
382. What do you mean?Copy !req
383. Where... are they...
Caroline?Copy !req
384. Behind the chessboard.Copy !req
385. Chessboard,
chessboard.Copy !req
386. What?
You told me you quit.Copy !req
387. - Yes!
- I told you I wouldn't smoke in the house.Copy !req
388. - I never said I quit.
- You said you quit. You hadn't had a cigarette in three months.Copy !req
389. I haven't finished a cigarette
in three months. I take a few drags.Copy !req
390. - I don't inhale.
- You are such a liar. I don't believe it.Copy !req
391. - I am not a liar!
- You sat right in the dining room and lied to me!Copy !req
392. - It was in the bathroom.
- I wonder how many other things you've been lying about.Copy !req
393. - Aah! Unh!
- Aah!Copy !req
394. Ugh.Copy !req
395. Did you say that you
would quit, Caroline?Copy !req
396. Did you say
that you would quit?Copy !req
397. Yes! So you are a liar.
End of story.Copy !req
398. You saw the stop sign,
didn't you, Lloyd? Huh?Copy !req
399. You... saw... the... stop...
sign... didn't you, Lloyd?Copy !req
400. - Yes, I did.
- Yes! So you, too, are a liar.Copy !req
401. Capital "L", small "I",
small "A", small "R", period.Copy !req
402. Now shut the fuck up.Copy !req
403. Did you have an accident?Copy !req
404. Ooh! Did you know
you're bleeding?Copy !req
405. - Oh, yeah.
- Were you shot?Copy !req
406. - A goddamn dog bit me.
- What dog?Copy !req
407. - Willard's dog.
- Cannibal bit you?Copy !req
408. - His name is Cannibal?
- Yeah.Copy !req
409. Um, there are Band-Aids
in the bathroom...Copy !req
410. in the master bedroom
upstairs.Copy !req
411. What's through here?Copy !req
412. That's the mudroom.Copy !req
413. Use the ouchless.
They're in the green container.Copy !req
414. I don't believe it.
You want to have sex with him.Copy !req
415. - What?
- "Use the ouchless."We have bungee cords."Copy !req
416. Ugh.
I'm frightened.Copy !req
417. Humans get frightened
because they have feelings.Copy !req
418. Didn't your alien leaders teach you
that before they sent you here?Copy !req
419. I suppose you'll use this drama
as a reason to have another affair.Copy !req
420. I feel sorry for the next deliveryman
that comes to this house!Copy !req
421. Shh.Copy !req
422. Okay, our car's
in the driveway.Copy !req
423. The lights are on.
They know we're in here.Copy !req
424. Who the fuck is that?
Make it quick.Copy !req
425. Okay.Copy !req
426. Ho ho ho!
Merry Christmas.Copy !req
427. Did I catch you
at a bad time?Copy !req
428. No, no, no. I was, um,
in the attic.Copy !req
429. I bet you thought Margaret forgot you
on her fruitcake list.Copy !req
430. I thought... maybe.Copy !req
431. Well, she would
never do that.Copy !req
432. Oh? Great.Copy !req
433. - Thank you, George.
- Merry Christmas.Copy !req
434. - Thanks to Margaret. Yup. Bye.
- Right. Yeah. Hey!Copy !req
435. Did you hear
about the reward?Copy !req
436. Willard called the radio station from Bimini
when he found out about the robberies...Copy !req
437. and he said he'll give $ 100,000
to anyone who captures this guy.Copy !req
438. - Oop. Okay, bye.
- Well.Copy !req
439. I got a lot of children
to see before that curfew.Copy !req
440. - Thank you.
- Pay my best to Lloyd.Copy !req
441. - Yup.
- And to that son of yours. Uh...Copy !req
442. - Jesse. Okay, bye-bye.
- I'm still waiting for our chess rematch.Copy !req
443. And ifhe happens to know
where the town's baby Jesus is...Copy !req
444. we're still missing it from the lawn
Nativity scene from last year.Copy !req
445. - My God.
- Yeah.Copy !req
446. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
447. Bye.Copy !req
448. That guy blames Jesse
for everything that happens.Copy !req
449. And he hasn't played chess
with him for years.Copy !req
450. Ah. What's in this?Copy !req
451. I don't know, alum? Don't eat it.Copy !req
452. - Welcome to the suburbs.
- Yeah.Copy !req
453. - Where are those Band-Aids?
- Upstairs.Copy !req
454. Show me.Copy !req
455. Wow.Copy !req
456. - That's nice.
- Yeah.Copy !req
457. It's my mother-in-law's. Every time
I pass it, I feel her eyes on me.Copy !req
458. You want it?Copy !req
459. Do I want it?Copy !req
460. This is Chagall, right?Copy !req
461. - This is a real Chagall.
- Yeah.Copy !req
462. It really pisses me off.Copy !req
463. - Sorry?
- You got something like this hanging on your wall...Copy !req
464. and you don't even
fuckin' appreciate it.Copy !req
465. Probably 'cause you never
worked a day in your life.Copy !req
466. That's not true.Copy !req
467. We had our own business once.
We owned a restaurant.Copy !req
468. An Italian restaurant.Copy !req
469. 'Course, I would have
preferred French, but anyway...Copy !req
470. - It failed eventually...
- What are we, girlfriends here?Copy !req
471. Do I give a shit about this?Copy !req
472. No. Let's move.Copy !req
473. Cloudy skies, drizzle...Copy !req
474. - You wanna go for coffee?
- Look, kid, I gotta get home to my family.Copy !req
475. This is my last job.Copy !req
476. Oh, come on.
It can't be that bad.Copy !req
477. Look. Can you just drive me
around the block a little?Copy !req
478. I'll give you another fifty.Copy !req
479. Well, it's your money, pal.Copy !req
480. - Who's been naughty
and who's been nice?Copy !req
481. Here we are.! Hey, hey.!
I got one for Johnny here.!Copy !req
482. And here's one for Bill.
And for Karen.Copy !req
483. - And here's a beautiful looking...
- It's so cold out tonight.Copy !req
484. - Do you think Santa would like something to eat?
- Santa's hungry.!Copy !req
485. - Let's give him some cookies.!
- Cookies.Copy !req
486. - Santa, have a cookie.!
- Over here.!Copy !req
487. - Merry Christmas, Santa.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
488. - The cookies are good.!
- All right, everybody, tuck in! Let's eat, huh?Copy !req
489. - Here, Santa!
- Enough with the cookies, kids!Copy !req
490. You two were gone
an awfully long time.Copy !req
491. I got us moved to
a more comfortable place.Copy !req
492. What did you have to do for it,
dress his wounds?Copy !req
493. Oh, that's right, Lloyd.
We're having an affair.Copy !req
494. He wants to run away to Acapulco. He
tied me up in case I had second thoughts.Copy !req
495. No one goes
to Acapulco anymore.Copy !req
496. Our son's walking in here any minute.
Why don't you worry about that?Copy !req
497. Look, if we just cooperate,
I'm sure he won't hurt him.Copy !req
498. What are you doing?Copy !req
499. I think we can get out of these.
Oh, move your body!Copy !req
500. Stop that!
What if he walks in here?Copy !req
501. We'll just say we're
being... affectionate.Copy !req
502. Tied up,
with an armed man in the house?Copy !req
503. Works for me.Copy !req
504. - Just reach down and touch that clippery thing.
- Listen to me.Copy !req
505. I cannot move my arm.Copy !req
506. - Oh! Oh, oh! Stop it!
- What's that?Copy !req
507. It's nothing.Copy !req
508. It doesn't
feel like nothing.Copy !req
509. Just the friction.Copy !req
510. Stop it.Copy !req
511. Lloyd, you animal.Copy !req
512. Haven't you left yet?Copy !req
513. - Did ya hear the fuckin' phone ring?
- Look, what about our son?Copy !req
514. Well, guess it's gonna be a real Chasser
family picnic, huh?Copy !req
515. That's Chasseur.
It's 18th-century French Huguenot.Copy !req
516. - Got any extra cord?
- No, we don't have any extra cord.Copy !req
517. Okay. Guess we're gonna
have to economize, huh?Copy !req
518. Move up!Copy !req
519. Bring 'em on up.Copy !req
520. Keep it moving.
Keep moving.Copy !req
521. You, sir. Whoa. Whoa.Copy !req
522. - May I see some identifiication, please?
- Certainly, sir.Copy !req
523. - How can they do this on Christmas Eve?
- There is a criminal at large.Copy !req
524. They can't stop
for the holidays.Copy !req
525. Maybe they'll let him go
in the spirit of Christmas.Copy !req
526. That is not
the spirit of Christmas.Copy !req
527. The spirit of Christmas is either you're
good, or you're punished and you burn in hell.Copy !req
528. - Who would catch a criminal and then let him go free?
- Republicans?Copy !req
529. Have a merry Christmas.Copy !req
530. Why don't you
just give yourself up?Copy !req
531. - What'd you say?
- Well, you're not going to kill an entire family.Copy !req
532. It's over. I mean, you're not the type.
You're a thief, not a killer.Copy !req
533. That's obvious.Copy !req
534. I hate guys like you,
you know?Copy !req
535. With your Jeep Grand Cherokees and your
Nicaraguan maids and your Ping Zing golf clubs...Copy !req
536. every goddamn thing in the world handed to
you. What fuckin' purpose do you people serve?Copy !req
537. You're a criminal.
What purpose could you serve?Copy !req
538. Fuck you, Lloyd.
I work for a living, okay?Copy !req
539. I have a skill.
I'm in the game, pal.Copy !req
540. What do you do except
take up fuckin' space?Copy !req
541. If you're so skilled,
what are you doing stuck here?Copy !req
542. I can break into any house, take whatever
I want: in and out, ten minutes.Copy !req
543. No prints, no evidence,
nothing.Copy !req
544. If what's-his-name hadn't installed
that fuckin' roadrunner booby trap...Copy !req
545. - I'd be in Jamaica by now.
- Mmm, I'm impressed.Copy !req
546. No, you people don't
get impressed, do ya?Copy !req
547. Life just bores the shit
out of you people. I'm sorry.Copy !req
548. We don't all have rich mummies
and daddies we can live off of...Copy !req
549. or open restaurants
when we get bored playing tennis.Copy !req
550. You told him
about the restaurant?Copy !req
551. Yeah. I heard you couldn't cut it working
for a living, Mr. Brooks Brothers, so...Copy !req
552. Shut up.!Copy !req
553. You and my wife
have a lot in common.Copy !req
554. You both think you have some right
to life working out the way you want...Copy !req
555. and if it doesn't, you get
to act any way you want.Copy !req
556. The problem is someone
has to be responsible.Copy !req
557. I'd love to run around taking classes
and playing with my inner-selfness.Copy !req
558. I'd love the freedom to be a pissed-off
criminal without any responsibility...Copy !req
559. except I don't have the time!Copy !req
560. But you don't see me with a gun.Copy !req
561. You don't see me sleeping
with someone else.Copy !req
562. You think my life turned out the way
I wanted because I live in this house?Copy !req
563. You think every time I look in the mirror
I shout, "Gee, I'm glad I'm me...Copy !req
564. "and not some 19-year-old billionaire
rock star with the body of an athlete...Copy !req
565. and a 24-hour erection"? No, I don't!
So just excuse the shit out of me!Copy !req
566. Oh, God!Copy !req
567. Shh.Copy !req
568. Nice and quiet.Copy !req
569. Are you guys decent?Copy !req
570. Hello?Copy !req
571. - Hey.
- Jesse!Copy !req
572. - Jesse.
- Who are you? Hey! Watch it!Copy !req
573. - You guys okay?
- Hands behind your back.Copy !req
574. - Wait a second. You're the guy who...
- Shut up!Copy !req
575. This isn't your M.O.
You only knock over estates.Copy !req
576. - But hostages? That's a no-win situation.
- You too, huh?Copy !req
577. You know what this family
needs? A mute.Copy !req
578. Let me say it one more time. I have a gun.
It's loaded. Shut up. Okay?Copy !req
579. Yes, but we have people
coming for dinner.Copy !req
580. - They're driving from Boston. You gonna tie us all up?
- Five extra people.Copy !req
581. - Dinner's canceled.
- We can't cancel dinner. I mean, they're on the road.Copy !req
582. - They'll be here by 9:00.
- Should I shoot one of you in the foot?Copy !req
583. Listen. If the police have a curfew,
they might do house-to-house searches.Copy !req
584. - You can't stay here.
- That would be very bad for you.Copy !req
585. - Really.
- I can't leave until my partner calls.Copy !req
586. - How do you know he'll call?
- He'll call. He better fuckin' call.Copy !req
587. I swear to God, if he doesn't call...Copy !req
588. What smells like piss?Copy !req
589. Up against the bed.Copy !req
590. Maybe I could
sell tickets. No, no.Copy !req
591. Let's see. No, no. The...
The point is, in order to get this robe...Copy !req
592. You know, I've never seen this movie
all the way through.Copy !req
593. - Don't you live in this country?
- They show it during the holidays.Copy !req
594. With the kids and the family,
I've never seen the whole thing.Copy !req
595. - The color of your jacket.
- It's charcoal.Copy !req
596. - I didn't know what you were talking about.
- Merry Christmas, Lieutenant.Copy !req
597. - Yeah, merry Christmas.
- Where the hell are you two going? Stay here.Copy !req
598. - Did you have to say, "Merry Christmas"?
- That's the way I was brought up.Copy !req
599. - Push rewind.
- Uh... is this it?Copy !req
600. No, that's fast-forward.
This is it.Copy !req
601. Give me that.Copy !req
602. What you're about to see has to be kept
within the confines of this room.Copy !req
603. Do you understand?Copy !req
604. - Wait a minute.! That's...
- Shh!Copy !req
605. - It's old man Willard's place!
- Shh.!Copy !req
606. Burglary.! Burglary.!Copy !req
607. - Now listen up. We're gonna find this guy.
- Precinct.Copy !req
608. Watch it a few more times.
Then I'll organize specific teams...Copy !req
609. each with a specific
geographic location.Copy !req
610. Lieutenant.
Some county prosecutor guy?Copy !req
611. I'll take it in my office.Copy !req
612. - Nobody leaves.
- Yeah, he'll be right with you.Copy !req
613. Okay, I'll put you
on hold. Thank you.Copy !req
614. - Wow!
- Yeah.Copy !req
615. - Should we watch it again?
- I think we should just wait 'til Huff gets back.Copy !req
616. Well, while we're waiting...Copy !req
617. I think this is it.Copy !req
618. No.! It's this one.Copy !req
619. Now, you listen to me!Copy !req
620. I don't want any plastics
and I don't want any ground foors...Copy !req
621. and I don't want to get married ever
to anyone.! Do you understand?Copy !req
622. Hey.! Who are you?Copy !req
623. - I'm Murray.
- What do you want?Copy !req
624. Is this your boat?Copy !req
625. That was quite an outburst.
I should tie you up more often.Copy !req
626. Listen. About the restaurant,
I didn't say...Copy !req
627. How did you
get home again?Copy !req
628. - I got a ride with a friend.
- Which friend?Copy !req
629. Which friend?
Do I know him?Copy !req
630. All right,
I took a limo, okay?Copy !req
631. Where'd you get
the money for a limo?Copy !req
632. - Okay, I stole one. Is that better?
- Listen, smart-mouth...Copy !req
633. - If you would answer a simple question...
- Don't talk to him like that.!Copy !req
634. - You've never disciplined him.!
- If you had not sent him to that prison...Copy !req
635. - I went there.
- For a summer. I go for my entire high school life.Copy !req
636. You were sent there because high schools
wouldn't enroll you anymore.Copy !req
637. Aye aye aye aye aye aye!Copy !req
638. - It's nobody's fault. Feel better...
- That's it!Copy !req
639. What the hell is wrong with you people?
You're supposed to be a family.Copy !req
640. How can you talk
to each other like that?Copy !req
641. Why don't you go on Oprah
and get it over with? Christ!Copy !req
642. - What's the quickest way to the docks?
- Bainbridge.Copy !req
643. You take Main Street and you turn left
on Domino Square.Copy !req
644. You can't. Domino Square
is a one-way street.Copy !req
645. Bainbridge is the only
two-way street to the docks.Copy !req
646. You know, you're never
gettin' out of here.Copy !req
647. - Why don't you take the highway? It's quicker.!
- Not the way you drive.!Copy !req
648. We don't have much time. Pay attention
to any distinguishing features.Copy !req
649. Now, you listen to me! I don't want any
plastics and I don't want any ground foors.Copy !req
650. You understand that?Copy !req
651. This... this...Copy !req
652. I don't... I...Copy !req
653. - I don't want any plastics...
- Lt. Huff.Copy !req
654. I believe you have some
evidence in your possession...Copy !req
655. belongs to the county
prosecutor's office.Copy !req
656. Do what I want to do.
And you're... And you're...Copy !req
657. - Mary.!
- George.! George.!Copy !req
658. - I'm worth more dead than alive.
- Unbelievable.Copy !req
659. No sense of time.Copy !req
660. Never again. Never again!Copy !req
661. Excuse me. Those dolls are my mother's.
She's been collecting them for years.Copy !req
662. - Could you be more careful with them?
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
663. - If he doesn't call, you're dead in the water.
- Jesse, be quiet.Copy !req
664. - Listen to your father, kid.
- I'm only stating the obvious.Copy !req
665. What is it,
20 minutes 'til curfew?Copy !req
666. And I heard on the radio
they found a ski mask on the scene.Copy !req
667. Anyone get
a good look at you?Copy !req
668. To residents of Old Baybrook...Copy !req
669. Jeremiah Willard is known
as the amusement park king...Copy !req
670. an eccentric known for his love
of animals and generous contributions.Copy !req
671. We now go to the Willard mansion and to our
on-the-scene reporter Mike Michaels. Mike?Copy !req
672. Thanks. Old Baybrook residents
will be competing for top dollars...Copy !req
673. before tonight's curfew
goes into effect.Copy !req
674. Representatives of Jeremiah Willard
have confiirmed...Copy !req
675. the reward is now $200,000.Copy !req
676. This may turn out to be a very merry
Christmas for some lucky family.Copy !req
677. Back to you, Karen.Copy !req
678. I'm in hell.Copy !req
679. Connecticut is the fifth ring of hell.Copy !req
680. What the fuck is that?Copy !req
681. Ow.!Copy !req
682. Jesus.!Copy !req
683. - Oh!
- What happened?Copy !req
684. - Stay where you are.! Untie my parents now.!
- Jesse.!Copy !req
685. Kid, what're you doin'?Copy !req
686. - I mean it! Untie my parents.
- Jesse!Copy !req
687. - Jesse, phone the police. -
Put the gun down. - Shut up.Copy !req
688. Get back on your knees
or I'll shoot!Copy !req
689. - You will?
- I will.! I'll... I'll shoot you.!Copy !req
690. 'Cause I'm gonna keep walkin'. Can you
get to that phone before I get to you?Copy !req
691. Jesse, put the gun down.Copy !req
692. No! No! Unh!Copy !req
693. - Hello?
- Caroline?Copy !req
694. - It's Connie. Listen, we got a little held up.
- Oh, hi.Copy !req
695. We'll be there
in 20 minutes.Copy !req
696. I hope that dinner
isn't ruined.Copy !req
697. - Oh, well... bye.
- Okay, bye.Copy !req
698. All right, get in the car!Copy !req
699. Great. Looks like there's gonna be
one more for dinner, huh?Copy !req
700. I'll have a blue Christmas...Copy !req
701. - Siskel.
- Honey, when are you coming home?Copy !req
702. Your parents are here.
The children are asking for you.Copy !req
703. I'm sorry, Stella.
I had some last-minute work to do.Copy !req
704. Uh, I'll get there as soon as I can, okay?
Tell the kids I love 'em.Copy !req
705. - Okay, please hurry.
- Okay, bye.Copy !req
706. Decorations of redCopy !req
707. On a green Christmas treeCopy !req
708. Look, you're making a mistake.
I could help you out, you know.Copy !req
709. - I got $11,000 cash...
- Hey! Hey! Hey!Copy !req
710. It's been a long, bad day.Copy !req
711. I'd rather be in Iraq
than in this fuckin' house.Copy !req
712. So do me a favor,
do yourself a favor, cut the shit.Copy !req
713. - Okay?
- I'm not. It's the truth.Copy !req
714. - I got a blackmail deal going in school...
- Blackmail?Copy !req
715. What are we, a buck ten?
You're doing blackmail on people?Copy !req
716. Yeah. I needed some big money fast. I was
desperate. I wanted to get out of here.Copy !req
717. - Desperate about what?
- Let's see.Copy !req
718. I got two years, four months
left in military school.Copy !req
719. My parents hate each other. My
father records every mistake in my life...Copy !req
720. like he's preparing for my parole hearing.
I don't get to do anything by myself.Copy !req
721. And I live in the suburbs.
You figure it out.Copy !req
722. So where you gonna go?
Huh?Copy !req
723. I don't know.
Where do you go?Copy !req
724. Where do I go?Copy !req
725. Well...Copy !req
726. I usually end up in Jamaica with
this friend of mine, Jimmy Marlo.Copy !req
727. He steals appliances
off of trucks.Copy !req
728. We get the money back
from the fence...Copy !req
729. which is about half what
the stuff s really worth...Copy !req
730. spend all the money, come home,
start all over again.Copy !req
731. 'Course, this time was supposed
to be the big final score.Copy !req
732. You know,
the big retirement score.Copy !req
733. Why you quitting now?
You got a great life.Copy !req
734. Let me explain
something to ya, kid.Copy !req
735. What I do, runnin' around
stealin' shit...Copy !req
736. that may sound great
when you're 15 years old...Copy !req
737. but it sucks just a little bit
when you're 35...Copy !req
738. no family, no house.Copy !req
739. I got a partner who's 56.
He's an alcoholic.Copy !req
740. He still can't figure out why
they took Happy Days off the air.Copy !req
741. Then on TV every day,
I see kids like you on these talk shows.Copy !req
742. You got everything,
opportunities up the ass.Copy !req
743. You got a family to come home to,
and what do you do?Copy !req
744. You bitch and moan because
things don't go your way.Copy !req
745. Well, you know what? Welcome to
the real world, where most of the time...Copy !req
746. things don't go
your fuckin' way.Copy !req
747. Easy for you to say.
Everything goes your way.Copy !req
748. Great. You know what?Copy !req
749. I think I had you
pegged wrong.Copy !req
750. I don't think you have a brain
in your fuckin' head.Copy !req
751. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
752. Now, we don't have much time.
Rules of the house.Copy !req
753. No telephone except for the kitchen.
No television.Copy !req
754. Nobody on the second foor,
in case your son makes noise.Copy !req
755. I want you in front of me
at all times.Copy !req
756. No arguing. When you fight,
you forget everything else.Copy !req
757. Just behave and pay attention,
or I take your son with me.Copy !req
758. Now, tell me
about this doctor guy.Copy !req
759. I received a call from Will Warren,
the county prosecutor.Copy !req
760. Happens to be
a close friend of mine.Copy !req
761. In spite of your bungling,
he's confident they'll find our thief...Copy !req
762. in those house-to-house
searches during curfew.Copy !req
763. Another thing. He said, uh, your men
are to assist and report to me...Copy !req
764. as per his instructions.Copy !req
765. You can call if you'd like.
Um, let's see, one other thing...Copy !req
766. Oh, yes, your Christmas
wish came true.Copy !req
767. You're to be out of here
the day after Christmas.Copy !req
768. Isn't that a lovely Noel?
It's been swell.Copy !req
769. - Bob.
- Yes.Copy !req
770. - I nailed your wife.
- What?Copy !req
771. After the town meeting
last August.Copy !req
772. You were in Rhode Island
on business.Copy !req
773. Three times, Bob.Copy !req
774. She said you never
went three times, Bob.Copy !req
775. - Merry Christmas, Lloyd!
- Phil, Steve, merry Christmas.Copy !req
776. - Are you guys working tonight?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
777. They're starting that curfew tonight,
and this is our area.Copy !req
778. Thought we might
say hi to Gary.Copy !req
779. - Is he here yet?
- Gary.Copy !req
780. - Who's Gary?
- He's my brother-in-law.Copy !req
781. - They all grew up together.
- Great.Copy !req
782. - Is that Caroline? I'd love to say hello!
- I'd love to see Caroline.Copy !req
783. - You know, your wife?
- Of course it is. What am I doing?Copy !req
784. She's upstairs. She's chang...
You want a cup of coffee?Copy !req
785. - Come on in. In the kitchen.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
786. - Maybe a piece of pumpkin pie or something?
- Oh, uh...Copy !req
787. - Were you guys here last year?
- Yeah, there was a rum cake.Copy !req
788. - You guys make great coffee.
- Yeah, it was fantastic.Copy !req
789. You guys help yourselves.
I'll go get Caroline, so...Copy !req
790. - Unh!
- What is wrong with you?Copy !req
791. - It would have caused suspicion to say no.
- You never admit you're wrong.Copy !req
792. - Finally somebody says it besides me.
- There was no alternative.Copy !req
793. I could have been
in the shower.Copy !req
794. - She could have been wrapping presents.
- What is this, a lying seminar?Copy !req
795. - You made a noise. I was distracted.
- He was distracted.Copy !req
796. No, I'm not buying wine
for your brother.Copy !req
797. He can suck on a grape,
Marge. Forget it.Copy !req
798. What about the breakfast?Copy !req
799. - Okay, I'll get the milk and the doughnuts.
- There you go.Copy !req
800. Mm-hmm. Ye... Marge, hold on.
They got another call comin' in.Copy !req
801. Yes, I'll talk
to you later. Hello.Copy !req
802. Uh, Gussie?Copy !req
803. No, this is Lt. Milford.
To whom am I speaking?Copy !req
804. - Uh...
- Ooh, he hung up.Copy !req
805. - Who was it?
- I don't know. Hung up.Copy !req
806. - Probably a wrong number.
- Crank call.Copy !req
807. - Yeah, kids.
- That's it.Copy !req
808. - So... ooh, it's late.
- When do you think Gar might be gettin' here?Copy !req
809. Well, maybe what you should do
is go and, um...Copy !req
810. when Gary comes, I'll get him
to call you at the office.Copy !req
811. - Because Christmas Eve,
you're so busy, and I...Copy !req
812. Oh, I'll get it. That's it.
Thank you. Hello?Copy !req
813. Hello. Uh,
are you feeling better?Copy !req
814. Who gives a rat's ass
how I feel? Where's Gussie?Copy !req
815. I'll get him.
Back in a minute.Copy !req
816. I can't believe
I'm working tonight.Copy !req
817. I know. Some guy robbin'
people on Christmas Eve?Copy !req
818. It's not right.
It's not right.Copy !req
819. We'll get him though. We got every cop
and his brother lookin'for him.Copy !req
820. - Christmas Eve, it's...
- Murray.Copy !req
821. - He hung up.
- Well, he sounded upset.Copy !req
822. He should be. He's gonna die
a horrible fuckin' death.Copy !req
823. Caroline.!Copy !req
824. Oh! Speaking of which...Copy !req
825. So, Gary and Connie
and the kids.Copy !req
826. - Merry Christmas.
- Gar!Copy !req
827. - Steve.! Phil.!
- Oh, merry Christmas, Gar.!Copy !req
828. Mom?
Merry Christmas.Copy !req
829. Mom, the TV's broke.
What are we gonna do all night?Copy !req
830. - I can't believe this.
- Celebrate the birth of Christ!Copy !req
831. - Now, put the presents under the tree.
- Connie, honey...Copy !req
832. - Look who dropped by.
- Merry Christmas, Connie.Copy !req
833. I'll take that bag upstairs.Copy !req
834. I'll take it.
I want to change my shoes.Copy !req
835. - Mom, hi.
- Lloyd, who is this?Copy !req
836. - Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas. Who is this?Copy !req
837. This is the doctor
we were telling you about.Copy !req
838. Doctor... Wong.Copy !req
839. Ah, the marriage doctor.Copy !req
840. - Right.
- Yeah.Copy !req
841. Wong?
You're a Wong?Copy !req
842. - Well, my mother was Irish.
- And your father?Copy !req
843. - Wasn't.
- Why don't we go downstairs?Copy !req
844. - I want to change my shoes.
- Your shoes are lovely.Copy !req
845. - My feet hurt.
- Take 'em off. Go barefoot.Copy !req
846. - A Bohemian Christmas! I'm up for that!
- What the hell...Copy !req
847. is wrong with you? Why do you get
strange at family gatherings?Copy !req
848. It's not me, Mom.
It's Caroline.Copy !req
849. She's a little nervous
about the dinner.Copy !req
850. Maybe you could go tell her what
you think. You know, give her a hand.Copy !req
851. You know what
a bad cook she is.Copy !req
852. Oh. All right.Copy !req
853. - Aren't you going to take my bag up?
- Later.Copy !req
854. - Well, I'll take it.
- No, no. I'll go, I'll go.Copy !req
855. I just wanted to be
close to you.Copy !req
856. He, uh...
he loves you so very much.Copy !req
857. Caroline, could you
come up here for a minute?Copy !req
858. - I thought you needed help.
- Yes, well, everything's in the dining room...Copy !req
859. Why don't you light the candles?
That'd be good.Copy !req
860. - Bitch.
- Bitch.Copy !req
861. - Hello?
- Where's Gus?Copy !req
862. - Murray?
- How do I know this is Gussie?Copy !req
863. Because the next time I see you I'm gonna tear
all the hair out of your balls one by one...Copy !req
864. you fucking mule.
How's that?Copy !req
865. - Kid, I got good news.
- Yeah?Copy !req
866. - A friend of mine's got a boat.
- A friend?Copy !req
867. Nobody likes you.
What are you talking about, "friend"?Copy !req
868. It's somebody I just met, and we kind of
hit it off. I think she really likes me.Copy !req
869. She? She? Murray, I've been
in this house all night...Copy !req
870. wondering if I'm gonna get busted
or not and you've been fuckin' dating?Copy !req
871. - Is that it, Murray?
- Calm down. It's the best I could do.Copy !req
872. - Listen, she's a nice woman.
And she's just...Copy !req
873. - Skipped parole from New Jersey.
- An ex-con?Copy !req
874. - Yeah.
- Yeah, that's great. That's just great.Copy !req
875. - How do you know she's not gonna turn us in?
- She wouldn't.Copy !req
876. She can't afford to. If she did, she'd
be back in the slammer before she knew it.Copy !req
877. Honest.
She's legit.Copy !req
878. But there's just one
little problem.Copy !req
879. - What? Children?
- No.Copy !req
880. The boat needs...
a little work.Copy !req
881. Hello?Copy !req
882. Hello.Copy !req
883. - How long?
- Hour, hour and a half.Copy !req
884. - Hour.
- Okay.Copy !req
885. - You have an hour. Okay.
- Hour.Copy !req
886. - Bye-bye.
- All right, bye-bye.Copy !req
887. - Last check. Three or four minutes away.
- Proceed to the next house.Copy !req
888. Isn't this exciting? I'm sure glad I got
a chance to see Santa while he was here.Copy !req
889. And Santa
would like to toast you all...Copy !req
890. for answering
the call of duty...Copy !req
891. on the holiest of nights.
Everyone, grab a glass.Copy !req
892. You too. Grab a glass.
Come on, come on. Grab a glass.Copy !req
893. - Everyone, come on.
- Santa doesn't drink champagne.Copy !req
894. Santa drinks milk.Copy !req
895. Look, Santa can't drink
any more milk tonight.Copy !req
896. Santa has a lactose
intolerance.Copy !req
897. It gives him
horrible gas pains.Copy !req
898. You want to see Santa farting
down everyone's chimney?Copy !req
899. Merry Christmas.!Copy !req
900. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
901. Ah!Copy !req
902. What we're having...Copy !req
903. is a traditional
Scandinavian Christmas feast.Copy !req
904. We have roast suckling pig...Copy !req
905. fresh baked kringlors
with a honey pecan dipping sauce...Copy !req
906. seven-day-old lutefisk
and lamb gookins.Copy !req
907. What you're wearing on your heads
are called Lucia wreaths.Copy !req
908. They're worn in honor
of Saint Lucia...Copy !req
909. a brave and noble woman
I admire very much.Copy !req
910. A woman whose beliefs
were so strong...Copy !req
911. they rendered
her infammable.Copy !req
912. As the story goes...Copy !req
913. Lucia was engaged
to be married...Copy !req
914. and instead of giving her dowry
to her in-laws...Copy !req
915. she gave it to the poor people
of the village.Copy !req
916. Her husband-to-be, thinking
she was out ofher mind...Copy !req
917. betrayed her to the Romans
as a Christian...Copy !req
918. and they condemned her
to burn at the stake.Copy !req
919. But although she was
surrounded by fames...Copy !req
920. she would not burn.Copy !req
921. And they had to stab her
with a sword.Copy !req
922. My God. Is this
a Christmas story?Copy !req
923. Who cares.
My forehead is blistering.Copy !req
924. - I think it's cool, Aunt Caroline.
- Thank you.Copy !req
925. Okay, dig in, everybody.
Don't be shy.Copy !req
926. - Everything looks great, honey.
- Thank you, sweetheart.Copy !req
927. From what school are you trained,
Dr. Wong? Freud?Copy !req
928. - Uh, nah. I don't go in for that dream stuff.
- Really?Copy !req
929. You don't think patients should
examine their dreams?Copy !req
930. Well, I just don't think they should
bother other people with them.Copy !req
931. I mean, what kind of a loser actually
thinks anybody else is interested?Copy !req
932. You must have met a great many
strange and disturbed people.Copy !req
933. My line of work,
you meet some real wackos.Copy !req
934. You call your patients
"wackos"?Copy !req
935. Yeah, they...
they like it.Copy !req
936. Well, it seems that
this therapy is working.Copy !req
937. I've never seen these two
so agreeable together.Copy !req
938. - What the hell am I eating?
- Oh, that's a parsnip kringlor.Copy !req
939. - They date back to the fourth century.
- That's what it looks like.Copy !req
940. - Where's your son?
- Uh, he's spending the night with a friend.Copy !req
941. - On Christmas Eve?
- I think it's very strange.Copy !req
942. - Well...
- Well, he...Copy !req
943. Uh, actually,
that was, uh, my idea.Copy !req
944. Because, uh, when one
is constructing...Copy !req
945. highways of communication...Copy !req
946. between two people, it's
sometimes a good idea to, uh...Copy !req
947. clear the road and slowly
introduce exit signs.Copy !req
948. That's funny.Copy !req
949. I heard something
very similar on Oprah last week.Copy !req
950. I assume that as you've built...Copy !req
951. highways of communication...Copy !req
952. you have discussed
Caroline's adultery.Copy !req
953. What?Copy !req
954. You told your mother?Copy !req
955. And why not?
He was very upset...Copy !req
956. and he needed someone
he could trust to talk to.Copy !req
957. Tell me something,
in your professional opinion...Copy !req
958. - Should these two be married?
- Mother.Copy !req
959. Caroline.Copy !req
960. Is that part of the treatment too?
She can't leave?Copy !req
961. Yes, Dr. Wong, why don't you
tell us all about your treatment.Copy !req
962. In detail.
It'll be so... fascinating.Copy !req
963. Well, it's a, uh...Copy !req
964. complex web...Copy !req
965. of complications...Copy !req
966. which, uh,
need to be weaved...Copy !req
967. and, uh, woven
into a, uh, quilt...Copy !req
968. of some kind.Copy !req
969. It's really expensive treatment. I can tell
you that much. Costs a hell of a lot of money.Copy !req
970. Mmm, these lamb coosins
are great, sweetheart.Copy !req
971. They're gookins,
not coosins, honey.Copy !req
972. Where I was born, Dr. Wong...Copy !req
973. life and marriage
was less complicated.Copy !req
974. My marriage was arranged,
in fact.Copy !req
975. My husband lived
in the next town...Copy !req
976. and our parents
wanted to join farms.Copy !req
977. Really.
What kind of farms?Copy !req
978. Pigs.Copy !req
979. Caroline,
could I have the wine?Copy !req
980. It's all finished.
We have to get another bottle.Copy !req
981. Where are you all going?Copy !req
982. I gotta stay with them
to, uh, weave the, uh...Copy !req
983. Uh... ow!Copy !req
984. Just shut up and eat
your goddamn dinners.Copy !req
985. You won't talk about it in therapy,
but you'll discuss it behind my back...Copy !req
986. - With that bitch!
- Hey, she's my mother.Copy !req
987. - She's a fuckin' bitch, Lloyd.
- You are not supposed to take sides.Copy !req
988. No, no, no. Thank you so much, Gus.
Finally somebody else sees.Copy !req
989. - You'd have to be blind not to see.
- All right, all right.Copy !req
990. - Let's just get in there and change the subject.
- Oh, fine.Copy !req
991. Why didn't we just change the subject
before I was humiliated?Copy !req
992. That's it, Lloyd.
We are getting a divorce.Copy !req
993. I've, you know...
This is finished.Copy !req
994. Now get the hell home, George,
before we call your wife.Copy !req
995. Honestly, George.
What an example.Copy !req
996. Santa was
mean to me.Copy !req
997. - I'm serious, George.
- Yeah?Copy !req
998. Maybe Santa won't
come back next year.Copy !req
999. Maybe him
and the Easter Bunny...Copy !req
1000. will take a fuckin' cruise
to Jamaica...Copy !req
1001. and you can eat
your own lousy cookies.Copy !req
1002. Oh, who the hell knows,
huh? Ow!Copy !req
1003. I was pregnant
with Jesse then.Copy !req
1004. We lived
in the most... wonderful...Copy !req
1005. one-bedroom
apartment.Copy !req
1006. You see, Lloyd...Copy !req
1007. never took any money
from his family then.Copy !req
1008. I found that
so attractive.Copy !req
1009. And then what happened?Copy !req
1010. Don't encourage her, Mary.
No one wants to listen to her misery.Copy !req
1011. Lloyd was working as an assistant
banquet manager at the Sheraton.Copy !req
1012. - We'd make love in the mornings because he was, you know...
- Caroline...Copy !req
1013. why don't you
eat something.Copy !req
1014. Lloyd, why don't you eat me.Copy !req
1015. Kids, go into the den.Copy !req
1016. - It all turned to shit...
- This is not a conversation for children.Copy !req
1017. - It's not a conversation for adults either.
- When Lloyd's father died.Copy !req
1018. - Where you going?
- The living room, to leave you to your quilting.Copy !req
1019. She bribed Lloyd to move back...
- I'll be there to open presents.Copy !req
1020. If my plans change,
I'll contact you.Copy !req
1021. - I hate Connecticut. I grew up in Connecticut.
- Why don't we all...Copy !req
1022. go into the living room. Then we can
have our coffee and dessert in there.Copy !req
1023. - You phony bastard!
- Caroline, shut up.!Copy !req
1024. - Let's all go to the bathroom...
- Sit down, Connie. Sit.Copy !req
1025. Excuse me, but I am not
one of your patients.Copy !req
1026. You're gonna be somebody's patient if you
don't get your ass back down into that chair.Copy !req
1027. Wow. Ow!Copy !req
1028. I swear to God,
you hit that kid one more time...Copy !req
1029. and I'm gonna stick that
pig's head right up your ass!Copy !req
1030. Gary, are you gonna let him
talk to me like that?Copy !req
1031. Well, hon, he is a doctor.Copy !req
1032. Okay now, Caroline, Lloyd and I will go into
the kitchen and get the coffee and dessert.Copy !req
1033. - And then we're gonna open the presents.
- We can't open...Copy !req
1034. - Presents until midnight.
- Why not?Copy !req
1035. - Because it's not Christmas until midnight!
- Guess what.Copy !req
1036. We're changing the rules a little bit, okay?
We're gonna open up the presents now.Copy !req
1037. Not later, now. Why?
Because we're adults...Copy !req
1038. and we can open the presents
whenever we want!Copy !req
1039. Let's go.Copy !req
1040. Why isn't my portrait...Copy !req
1041. over the fiireplace?Copy !req
1042. - Have some coffee.
- Go to hell, mama's boy!Copy !req
1043. - Caroline, get a grip.
- Or what? What are you gonna do? Shoot me?Copy !req
1044. You think death scares me?Copy !req
1045. You forget, buddy. I have been
married to him for 15 years.Copy !req
1046. You forget
I have your son upstairs.Copy !req
1047. God.Copy !req
1048. - Here we go. How's that, Mom? Good?
- Mary, this one's yours.Copy !req
1049. John, this is to you
from me and Dad.Copy !req
1050. - What's that, Aunt Caroline?
- It's an orange...Copy !req
1051. marzipan cake with
creme de menthe and lime zest.Copy !req
1052. - Oh, sounds too sweet.
- Then don't eat it.Copy !req
1053. Coffee?Copy !req
1054. Is it real coffee or some
Scandinavian Christmas potion?Copy !req
1055. - How about some music?
- How about some Nat King Cole?Copy !req
1056. - Oh, Gary loves Nat King Cole.
- Gee, you know each other so well.Copy !req
1057. Okay, Nat King Cole it is.Copy !req
1058. - Oh. Gary, this is for you.
- Oh, thank you.Copy !req
1059. Oh. This is for Jesse.Copy !req
1060. Uh, we'll just put that
in a pile right over here.Copy !req
1061. Do you like it, Mary?Copy !req
1062. Chestnuts roasting
on an open fiireCopy !req
1063. Yeah, it's, uh...
real neat.Copy !req
1064. Slipper socks!
Oh, I have wanted these for so long.Copy !req
1065. Thank you, Mother Rose.
Kids, look what Mom got.Copy !req
1066. You know, with all her money, what does
she think? She's gonna take it with her?Copy !req
1067. - I think that's the plan.
- Folks dressed up like EskimosCopy !req
1068. Oh, Caroline,
this is for you from Lloyd.Copy !req
1069. Everybody knowsCopy !req
1070. - A turkey and some mistletoe
- Lloyd?Copy !req
1071. Should I stop handing out
the presents?Copy !req
1072. Maybe some of us
are not in the mood?Copy !req
1073. Caroline?Copy !req
1074. You see, Dr. Wong, you can use
any treatment you like...Copy !req
1075. and it won't do a bit of good.Copy !req
1076. The simple truth is...Copy !req
1077. that she's a nasty, selfish woman
who thinks only of herself.Copy !req
1078. She has ruined my son's life.
I can attest to that.Copy !req
1079. - He has endured such heartache.
- Lady...Copy !req
1080. why don't you just sleep with him.
Let us all off the hook.Copy !req
1081. - Shit.
- Caroline, what are you doing?Copy !req
1082. What's the point?
You've made your decision.Copy !req
1083. What decision?Copy !req
1084. Caroline's leaving me.Copy !req
1085. We're getting
a divorce.Copy !req
1086. And so I'm offeringCopy !req
1087. - This simple phrase
- Why?Copy !req
1088. To kids from one...Copy !req
1089. - Gary, this is to you from me.
- Thank you, bunny.Copy !req
1090. - Oh, thanks, Mother Rose.
- I bought you the husky size, John.Copy !req
1091. You mustn't let your weight
become a problem.Copy !req
1092. He does not have
a weight problem.Copy !req
1093. Oh. Isn't that nice.Copy !req
1094. Thank you, Connie and Gary
and Mary and John.Copy !req
1095. Mom, this is our gift.Copy !req
1096. It's to put in the bank.
It's another payment on the loan.Copy !req
1097. Oh, thank you, Lloyd.Copy !req
1098. Of course, we'll have to see what happens
with interest rates in the new year.Copy !req
1099. Cocksucker.Copy !req
1100. - What did she say?
- She said, "cocksu..."Copy !req
1101. you've been sucking us dry
for years on this loan.Copy !req
1102. - Hey, Caroline.
- No, I have something to say.Copy !req
1103. - You gotta problem with that?
- Nope.Copy !req
1104. Don't you think
it's gone on long enough?Copy !req
1105. You both borrowed money to open
that ridiculous restaurant...Copy !req
1106. which I told you both
would never work.Copy !req
1107. Well, it might have worked if you could
have taken your tentacles off of him.Copy !req
1108. - Caroline, stop it.
- If you remember, Caroline...Copy !req
1109. my husband had just died.
I was all alone.Copy !req
1110. - And I had to have surgery.
- Plastic surgery.Copy !req
1111. - It was necessary.
- It was nothing more...Copy !req
1112. than needing to keep
your son's attention on you.Copy !req
1113. - Manipulating him to open that store!
- You were practically destitute.!Copy !req
1114. I gave him a real job.Copy !req
1115. I let you use my home
out of the goodness of my heart.Copy !req
1116. You're charging us rent, Rose.Copy !req
1117. - What kind of therapy is this?
- Come on, now...Copy !req
1118. this is getting
a little ugly here.Copy !req
1119. Yeah, we walk around
on tiptoes because...Copy !req
1120. Mother might get upset
or Mother might get angry.Copy !req
1121. And why?
Let's be honest.Copy !req
1122. She has money, and she holds it over
all of us like a death sentence.Copy !req
1123. I'm happy to give
my children everything.Copy !req
1124. That's the problem!Copy !req
1125. One son who can't
say boo to his wife...Copy !req
1126. and the other one, the other one...
he just gives up.Copy !req
1127. One bad review
in one lousy magazine.Copy !req
1128. - You just give up.
- Now just a minute. Stop right there.Copy !req
1129. In the first place, it wasn't
"one bad review in one lousy magazine."Copy !req
1130. - It was the Restaurant Guidebook of New York.
- Oh, God.Copy !req
1131. And when the Restaurant
Guidebook recommends you...Copy !req
1132. to Hindus looking for
a fun night out of fasting...Copy !req
1133. what did you expect me to do,
change the menu?Copy !req
1134. - You close the restaurant.
- No, you close the restaurant. Other people try again.Copy !req
1135. But, you see, everything always
came so damn easy for you.Copy !req
1136. But the first time that
you tried something...Copy !req
1137. that was really important
to you, to us...Copy !req
1138. and it didn't work out,
what did you do?Copy !req
1139. You ran home to Mom.
And then you build this wall...Copy !req
1140. around yourself, shutting me out,
shutting Jesse out...Copy !req
1141. with your cynicism
and your derision!Copy !req
1142. And you call that
being responsible!Copy !req
1143. Well, I can't live like this.
I don't care if I wind up...Copy !req
1144. a truck stop waitress with platinum
hair and pineapple earrings!Copy !req
1145. At least I'd be alive. Be better
than living with a corpse.Copy !req
1146. Before you, uh, get on with
your career in the service industry...Copy !req
1147. let's set the record straight.Copy !req
1148. Because I don't want you leaving
with any misunderstandings.Copy !req
1149. Maybe you're right.Copy !req
1150. Maybe I was afraid.Copy !req
1151. Maybe I can't...
take failure.Copy !req
1152. That's probably true.Copy !req
1153. And maybe it's because
the decision was all up to me.Copy !req
1154. It was always all up to me.Copy !req
1155. You were so afraid of being wrong,
you never made a choice.Copy !req
1156. - At least you made it look that way.
- What does that mean?Copy !req
1157. If you recall, my first response to my
mother's offer to live here was absolutely not.Copy !req
1158. - Lie.
- Absolutely not. You think about it.Copy !req
1159. We were sitting in our bedroom
on 78th Street.Copy !req
1160. We were smoking a joint
and listening to Al Green.Copy !req
1161. - And I said, "Absolutely not."
- I'm sorry...Copy !req
1162. but I have had enough!Copy !req
1163. I have never heard
of such a Christmas.!Copy !req
1164. Sex and drugs a-a-and
women being set on fire!Copy !req
1165. - I am taking my children upstairs right now.
- Connie, that's it.Copy !req
1166. - Sit down and shut up. Okay? Sit down and shut up.
- Come on, kids...Copy !req
1167. - We're going upstairs. Gary?
- I think this is more important.Copy !req
1168. - Well, I think this is sick!
- Connie, honey, right now nobody cares what you think.Copy !req
1169. - You have not defended me once this entire evening!
- Tell her to sit down.Copy !req
1170. Just sit down and
give these people...Copy !req
1171. a little space
to work out their...Copy !req
1172. - Excuse me, excuse me,
excuse me, excuse me!Copy !req
1173. - If you don't mind,
the corpse still has the foor.Copy !req
1174. I told you what moving here could mean, but
you were the one who said we should consider it.Copy !req
1175. Not the actual moving,
just the considering.Copy !req
1176. The actual moving-in part
was left to me. Why?Copy !req
1177. Because you didn't know what to do.
You were confused.Copy !req
1178. You didn't know what
was the right thing.Copy !req
1179. But you were sure as hell
sick and tired ofliving...Copy !req
1180. in a one-bedroom apartment
in New York City.Copy !req
1181. So don't hand me that
"it was the best of times" bullshit!Copy !req
1182. You didn't want to work anymore, and
you didn't want any help with the baby...Copy !req
1183. because you wanted
to do it all by yourself.Copy !req
1184. And you hated New York...Copy !req
1185. because we weren't as rich as your
college friends were to enjoy it.Copy !req
1186. We couldn't afford
a bigger place...Copy !req
1187. and you were miserable
being around people who could.Copy !req
1188. And... we were
up to our ears in debt.Copy !req
1189. But moving here
was my decision.Copy !req
1190. Right! And the loan
was same situation...Copy !req
1191. What difference does any of this
make now? You're getting a divorce.Copy !req
1192. - Mother.
- What?Copy !req
1193. Is it possible for you to shut the fuck up
for ten seconds?Copy !req
1194. Lloyd, don't talk to me
like that in my own house.Copy !req
1195. You know what, Mom? You know what
I'm gonna get you next Christmas?Copy !req
1196. A big wooden cross.Copy !req
1197. So every time you feel unappreciated
for all your sacrifices...Copy !req
1198. you can climb on up
and nail yourself to it.Copy !req
1199. Gary, get my bags.Copy !req
1200. - I'm leaving.
- Oh.!Copy !req
1201. Go get them yourself.
He's not your errand boy!Copy !req
1202. Has everyone gone nuts?
Who the hell do you think you are?Copy !req
1203. Slipper socks, medium!Copy !req
1204. Hey!Copy !req
1205. The army? What the fuck?
What am I? Oswald, here?Copy !req
1206. Hey! Hey! Hey!Copy !req
1207. Hey, hey, no.Copy !req
1208. Hey, come on.
Come on, will ya?Copy !req
1209. Ooh!Copy !req
1210. Okay, okay.Copy !req
1211. Is this part of the therapy?Copy !req
1212. Now, I want everybody into the den
or I'm gonna shoot her.Copy !req
1213. - Go ahead, shoot her.
- Shut up!Copy !req
1214. Get in the den!Copy !req
1215. Hi.Copy !req
1216. Mr. And Mrs. Chasseur, I'm sorry
to disturb you during the holidays.Copy !req
1217. I'm Lieutenant Siskel
from the academy.Copy !req
1218. Is there some trouble?Copy !req
1219. Yes, yes, and I couldn't in good
conscience let it wait any longer.Copy !req
1220. Does it involve Jesse?Copy !req
1221. It does.
Uh, Jesse is a very clever...Copy !req
1222. and enterprising
young businessman.Copy !req
1223. He currently has
several photographs of me.Copy !req
1224. Oh, my Lord.Copy !req
1225. Hey, hey, kid.
Kid, that's enough.Copy !req
1226. - You sure this will hold?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1227. I knew...Copy !req
1228. you weren't a doctor.
I knew it.Copy !req
1229. You'll never get away, you know.
You'll either be captured or killed.Copy !req
1230. One less worthless man around.
One less burden to society.Copy !req
1231. Un-fuckin'-believable.Copy !req
1232. I've survived
worse than you.Copy !req
1233. World wars, old age,
marriage and weak men like you.Copy !req
1234. Men who don't have the guts
to survive in the real world.Copy !req
1235. Men who are just scared little boys intimidating
everyone with their aggressiveness...Copy !req
1236. because they're afraid
the world will find out...Copy !req
1237. how small their penises are.Copy !req
1238. You know, lady, I'd like to tie you
to the back of a fuckin' truck.Copy !req
1239. You don't have the balls.Copy !req
1240. - No, no! Don't. It's not worth it.
- I just want to hit her.Copy !req
1241. - I fuckin' hate her, Lloyd.
- I know. I know.Copy !req
1242. Mary,
gag your grandma.Copy !req
1243. What the fuck is wrong with you?Copy !req
1244. I thought moms were
supposed to be nice...Copy !req
1245. and sweet
an-an-and patient.Copy !req
1246. I know loan sharks that are
more forgiving than you.Copy !req
1247. Your husband ain't dead,
lady, he's hiding.Copy !req
1248. Let's go.Copy !req
1249. Shit.Copy !req
1250. - Wow.
- Oh, honey.Copy !req
1251. Is Siskel still here?Copy !req
1252. No.Copy !req
1253. What are you gonna do, Dad?
Turn me in?Copy !req
1254. May I ask you
just one question?Copy !req
1255. Is there something that we don't give you?
What do you need all that money for?Copy !req
1256. - Drugs? What?
- No!Copy !req
1257. - More video games? What more can we buy you?
- Lloyd, no, stop it!Copy !req
1258. That's it, that's it.Copy !req
1259. - Gus, I'm going with you. I'll give you a cut.
- What?Copy !req
1260. We can make it to the docks on foot.
We can take a shortcut.Copy !req
1261. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down, slow down.Copy !req
1262. You gotta take me with you.
I have no other option.Copy !req
1263. - I can't stay here.
- What am I? The fuckin' circus? Take you with me?Copy !req
1264. - But come on!
- No, forget it. Forget it.Copy !req
1265. Just forget it,
okay?Copy !req
1266. Don't start running, kid. Once you
start, you never stop. Believe me.Copy !req
1267. Fine.
Fine, be that way.Copy !req
1268. I'll just go
by myself then.Copy !req
1269. Oh, please, Jesse, look.
Give us another...Copy !req
1270. Oh, Jesse. We screwed up, not you. Oh!Copy !req
1271. Shit. Who is that?Copy !req
1272. Look, I promise you,
we'll take care of this.Copy !req
1273. We'll fix everything. No matter what
happens between me and your father...Copy !req
1274. - You're splitting up?
- That's not your problem, honey.Copy !req
1275. Hey, I'm in this family too,
you know.Copy !req
1276. Every time you guys yell and scream
at each other, it is my problem, Mom.Copy !req
1277. - Caroline, let's go.
- One second.Copy !req
1278. Okay, a lot's happened
between me and Lloyd.Copy !req
1279. We've made a lot of mistakes.
You got caught in the middle.Copy !req
1280. Do you hate each other?Copy !req
1281. - No.
- Then you're staying together.Copy !req
1282. - Caroline, come on. Let's go.
- Oh, just wait! Please!Copy !req
1283. I don't know. I don't know
what your father wants.Copy !req
1284. What do you want?Copy !req
1285. Caroline.
Caroline, come on.Copy !req
1286. We'll talk about this later, okay?
Just stay here, please.Copy !req
1287. - We'll be back soon.
- What about Siskel?Copy !req
1288. We'll fix it, honey. We'll give him
the money, the photos, anything.Copy !req
1289. Just... stay right there.Copy !req
1290. Hey!Copy !req
1291. You know something?Copy !req
1292. Lloyd, Caroline...Copy !req
1293. - Every year we give you a fruitcake for Christmas...
- Didn't you lock the door?Copy !req
1294. And you don't give us
a goddamn thing.Copy !req
1295. My wife thinks
it's because...Copy !req
1296. Hey, you had a gun,
didn't you?Copy !req
1297. - Me?
- Yes, you did. You did.Copy !req
1298. - You had a gun. I saw it.
- No.Copy !req
1299. - Hey, you're the guy. You're the guy, aren't ya?
- Okay, pal.Copy !req
1300. What, are you pulling a gun on me?
I'm not afraid of you.Copy !req
1301. - Just calm down, all right?
- You think you can take me?Copy !req
1302. I'm Santa Claus.Copy !req
1303. Great.
I just beat up Santa Claus.Copy !req
1304. Guys, the cops are here.
What are we gonna do?Copy !req
1305. Central, Cruiser 252.
Panella speaking.Copy !req
1306. I'm at the Chasseur house.
Over.Copy !req
1307. - We gotta get you outta here.
- But I can't just leave. I don't know where I'm goin'.Copy !req
1308. Just keep pretending like you're
Dr. Wong. Then you don't have to go.Copy !req
1309. - There's five people tied up in the back room. Come on.
- Then we can hide you.Copy !req
1310. - We can hide you anywhere. I know this place.
- There's search teams.Copy !req
1311. They search until they find what
they're looking for. It's a bad idea.Copy !req
1312. No, it's a good idea. There's the mudroom,
the trap door in the mudroom.Copy !req
1313. - We'll put you in there. It'll be perfect.
- No, no, no.Copy !req
1314. - Or the trunk of the Beamer. The trunk of the Beamer's a good place.
- No, no.Copy !req
1315. - Oh, I know. The hope chest.!
We'll put you in the hope chest.Copy !req
1316. - I can pretend I've lost the key.
- Forget about it! No, no, no!Copy !req
1317. What about the basement?
Is there a tunnel or a hole?Copy !req
1318. Path through the woods!Copy !req
1319. Jesse, quick, take Gus
to the path through the woods.Copy !req
1320. You said you know a shortcut
to the docks, right?Copy !req
1321. You're the only one
that can take him.Copy !req
1322. Well, what do you want
us to do? Turn him in?Copy !req
1323. I can't spend my whole life sending
everybody I care about to prison.Copy !req
1324. Go on.Copy !req
1325. Okay, Dad. Come on, Gus.
Let's get outta here.Copy !req
1326. And be careful.Copy !req
1327. All right, go, go, go. We'll stall the cops.Copy !req
1328. If I were a senator...Copy !req
1329. - How many more after this?
- Sixteen.Copy !req
1330. - Geez.
- 419, we're over at Seabury Court. Over.Copy !req
1331. - 419, dispatch.
- Yeah, we're starting canvassing...Copy !req
1332. State police!Copy !req
1333. There's got to be someone home with all
these lights and that car in the driveway.Copy !req
1334. Ah, geez.
We got a live one.Copy !req
1335. I need some people to surround
this house right now.Copy !req
1336. Eddie, get your men in here!
Hit it!Copy !req
1337. Oh, my God! Thank God you're here!
You've got to hurry!Copy !req
1338. - You have no idea the nightmare I've been through!
- He left an hour ago.Copy !req
1339. - He went to an airport in Hartfo... Would you shut up?
- The entire night...Copy !req
1340. I'm trying to give them important
information. He went to an airport in Hartford.Copy !req
1341. Oh, I suppose you're the only one
who's been tied up all night.Copy !req
1342. - I didn't say that.
- What is this? A men's club?Copy !req
1343. Excuse me.! Are there any other
hostages in the house?Copy !req
1344. - No.
- No.Copy !req
1345. - Oh, kid. Ah, Jesus.
- Come on, Gus.Copy !req
1346. There's no better route
than this with less snow?Copy !req
1347. No, this is it.
This is the best route.Copy !req
1348. - This is the best route?
- We'll be there in no time. Come on!Copy !req
1349. I might need a wheelchair,
I'm telling you, kid.Copy !req
1350. I distinctly heard him say that he was
headed to a small airport in Hartford.Copy !req
1351. And from there he was taking
a private plane to Vancouver.Copy !req
1352. - No, no, it was not Vancouver.
- What's going on?Copy !req
1353. - Yes, it was Vancouver.
- We're working on it.Copy !req
1354. - He was on the phone, and he said Yugoslavia.
- Yugoslavia.!Copy !req
1355. There is no Yugoslavia anymore. And
who in their right mind would go there?Copy !req
1356. - He's not in his right mind!
- All right!Copy !req
1357. - Oh, uh, sorry.
- Sorry.Copy !req
1358. Would you like us to come downtown
and give our statement?Copy !req
1359. - No!
- We'd be willing to do that.Copy !req
1360. - No, no, no, no.
- Thanks anyway. Hey, merry Christmas.Copy !req
1361. - Thank you. Merry Christmas.
- Thank you very much.Copy !req
1362. - Oh. Well, if you're sure.
- Bye. Bye-bye.Copy !req
1363. - Good night, everybody.
- Thank you. Thank you so much.Copy !req
1364. - Docks are down
the street on your left.Copy !req
1365. Hey, George! The curfew!
Go home! Get off the streets!Copy !req
1366. Home, George,
home.Copy !req
1367. Guess I ought to be
getting home now.Copy !req
1368. Good idea.Copy !req
1369. You know, I think things are
gonna be different with Dad.Copy !req
1370. If they're not, I'll blackmail him.
See ya, Gus.Copy !req
1371. Take it easy.Copy !req
1372. Christ.Copy !req
1373. I'm never having kids.Copy !req
1374. So do you think
we should go untie everybody?Copy !req
1375. No. We should unwrap them
in the morning.Copy !req
1376. It'll be more festive.Copy !req
1377. So what about Jesse?Copy !req
1378. Well, Siskel said if we give him back
the pictures he won't press charges.Copy !req
1379. No, no, I, um...
I mean about us.Copy !req
1380. What do we tell him
about us?Copy !req
1381. Oh, Carrie.Copy !req
1382. Sorry, but Grandma's
eating through her gag.Copy !req
1383. You know something?
You are a piece of work, pal.Copy !req
1384. I tell you to get a boat, and this is what
you get? Get out of the fuckin' way.Copy !req
1385. - Uh, Gussie?
- What?Copy !req
1386. - When are we gonna open presents?
- Presents?Copy !req
1387. Is that what you said?
Presents? I'll tell you what.Copy !req
1388. As soon as we get back, we're gonna open
the presents. Matter of fact, I'll tell ya.Copy !req
1389. I'll save you the trouble. Your present
is a giant, fuckin' cannon, okay?Copy !req
1390. And when we get back, you're
gonna crawl into it, okay?Copy !req
1391. I'm gonna put two pounds of gunpowder
in there, I'm gonna light it up...Copy !req
1392. and I'm gonna shoot you right
out into fuckin'Jersey, okay?Copy !req
1393. And then I'm gonna steal a car and drive to
Jersey and pick up all the little fuckin' pieces...Copy !req
1394. of your body, put 'em in a big plastic
bag, bring it back to my house...Copy !req
1395. put 'em in the fireplace, light 'em on fire.
I'm gonna sit there with a glass of whiskey...Copy !req
1396. and watch the Charlie Brown special with
your ashes heatin' my fuckin' house! Oh!Copy !req
1397. - Gus?
- What?Copy !req
1398. - What's that smell?
- Shut up.Copy !req
1399. Life keeps me waitingCopy !req
1400. Against my willCopy !req
1401. Believe it or notCopy !req
1402. I know my own mindCopy !req
1403. Don't got no sparkCopy !req
1404. Don't got no willCopy !req
1405. I'm wearyCopy !req
1406. Nothing holds meCopy !req
1407. Eternally seekingCopy !req
1408. Through the windows of painCopy !req
1409. Don't got no sparkCopy !req
1410. Don't got no willCopy !req
1411. I'm wearyCopy !req
1412. Don't have the answerCopy !req
1413. WhyCopy !req
1414. Can't we get our lives togetherCopy !req
1415. HowCopy !req
1416. Can we stop hurting each otherCopy !req
1417. PrayCopy !req
1418. To God that you can goCopy !req
1419. StayCopy !req
1420. Outside this broken circleCopy !req
1421. Losing yourCopy !req
1422. DreamsCopy !req
1423. We all must sacrifiiceCopy !req
1424. We pay the price
We pay the priceCopy !req
1425. Ashes to ashesCopy !req
1426. We all fall downCopy !req
1427. It's time for us to close this circleCopy !req
1428. Can we get up off of the groundCopy !req
1429. WhyCopy !req
1430. Can't we get our lives togetherCopy !req
1431. And howCopy !req
1432. Can we start to make it betterCopy !req
1433. Loving you is killing meCopy !req
1434. LiveCopy !req
1435. The other life we should have livedCopy !req
1436. GiveCopy !req
1437. All the love we never, ever didCopy !req
1438. DreamsCopy !req
1439. We all must sacrifiiceCopy !req
1440. Ashes to ashesCopy !req
1441. WhyCopy !req
1442. Can't we get our lives togetherCopy !req
1443. And howCopy !req
1444. Can we stop hurtingCopy !req