The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie (2008)

1. - Ha-ha! - Arr!

2. Stand firm, men. For the king and Monteria.

3. Back to the sea, dog.

4. Prince Alexander!

5. Ah!

6. Drop your weapons, or say good-bye to your friends!

7. Robert, I should have known you were behind this cowardly attack.

8. Hello, nephew. Sorry I've missed the family reunions,

9. but it's been difficult, being banished and all.

10. Your punishment was well earned.

11. That depends on your point of view.

12. But since your daddy has left you alone and unprotected,

13. I thought we could get reacquainted.

14. His absence is but temporary.

15. He has business across the western sea.

16. Is that what he told you?

17. He knew I was growing strong in the mechanical arts.

18. Too strong perhaps for even him.

19. You fight bravely for the son of a coward.

20. - Tie him up! - Your cutlass!

21. Plenty more at home. Leave it.

22. A calling card for my cowardly brother.

23. Take him aboard theStubb.

24. And be sure to bring the princess as well.

25. She's not here. She stayed behind in Monteria.

26. Search the ship. Find the girl.

27. I tell you, she's not here!

28. Aha!

29. Are you certain he's gone?

30. I-I say, milady, it may be prudent to remain under wraps.

31. Milady?

32. - My brother needs help. - Oh, heavens, milady.

33. As your butler, I cannot allow you to—

34. - Step aside, Willory. - Uh, but, milady,

35. it's a boatful of pirates, and your fencing classes have just begun!

36. You're not yet up to the task.

37. Hmm, perhaps you're right.

38. Then there's only one thing to do. Indeed.

39. Stay hidden until the rogues have left.

40. Eh, milady?

41. Wh It's from my father.

42. His own creation. He said I was to use it only in the gravest of circumstances.

43. I'd say this qualifies.

44. It's a Helpseeker.

45. We need help. Alexander has been taken.

46. The situation is dire.

47. Please bring back— Let me see.

48. What do we need? The army! Uh, the navy!

49. Heroes. We need heroes that can save Alexander.

50. She's not on board, sir. Blast!

51. Send spies to Monteria and the surrounding isles.

52. I need them both.

53. Heroes?

54. Yes, heroes.

55. Woo-hoo!

56. Have you seen the show before? No, too expensive.

57. My boyfriend got me in for free tonight. He works here.

58. - Oh, mine too. Family Night, right? - Right.

59. Is he in the show? No, he's just a cabin boy.

60. Same here. But not for long.

61. Elliot says he's a shoo-in for the show, as soon as he tries out.

62. Wait. You're Elliot's date? Our boyfriends are friends.

63. No. There's something behind you.

64. For the flower of all gourds.

65. Oh, Sedgewick, you're too cute.

66. Anything for you, Ellen.

67. All right, Sir Frederick!

68. Oh, yes, Sedgewick. Come here. Put your face close to me.

69. - Oy. - Look at that.

70. Soy la Reina. I am the queen. You are king.

71. I'll catch up with you later.

72. Hey, cabin boy. Refill.

73. I'm telling you, this job will be the death of me.

74. But you're going to keep at it, so you don't end up back in your parents' basement.

75. - Right. - I like your toy.

76. It's not a toy! It's a labor-saving device!

77. Sedgewick, meet Bernadette. She's Elliot's girlfriend.

78. - Pleased to meet you. - Sweetie,

79. how about having your little car fetch me some barbecue sauce?

80. It's in the back room.

81. Out of range.

82. Well, how about you fetch me some barbecue sauce?

83. It's in the back room— out of range.

84. Sedgewick! There he is now.

85. Hi, Elliot. Hey, Bernadette.

86. Elliot, would you run to the back room...

87. and get some barbecue sauce for my new friend Ellen?

88. You know I would, Bernadette, but... it's just that...

89. the back room is real, real dark.

90. It's on my list.

91. His... list?

92. His list of things he's afraid of. It's extensive.

93. Well, I don't need barbecue sauce that badly.

94. Why doesn'theget it? Too much work.

95. George. Huh?

96. We'll have George get it. You can talk him into anything.

97. I'm back.

98. Huh? Oh, I had to run an errand for another cabin boy.

99. - George. - Oh, it was nothing.

100. Uh, how do the kids like the show?

101. It's great. Did you see Sir Frederick knock that guy into the water?

102. I liked it when he swung on the rope.

103. They're both pretty taken with Sir Frederick. He's cool.

104. - Yeah! - Right.

105. Uh, hey! After the show is over, you want me to take you down on the pirate ship?

106. Sir Frederick is gonna take us.

107. You don't need to wait for Sir Frederick.

108. I could take you on the set tonight.

109. Yeah, Dad. But Mom says if we come back on Friday,

110. I can bring some money and get a sword just like Sir Frederick!

111. I'll wait till Friday.

112. You're no match for me. Take that.

113. Ha! Taste my steel. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

114. Cool! Did you see Sir Frederick?

115. He's a hero.

116. Hey, cabin boy! Refill!

117. Coming.

118. I can't believe my own kids are coming back...

119. to get a tour from Sir Frederick.

120. It's just 'cause he's in the show.

121. And he's big and strong and brave and manly.

122. Oh! When I'm in the show,

123. after my audition, Bernadette will think I'm a hero too.

124. Yeah. After your audition.

125. Look at George here. This guy knows every line in that show.

126. He knows more about pirates than Blackbeard himself.

127. So why didn't he try out?

128. Yeah, George. Why don't you?

129. It would never work. I'm just not the type.

130. There you go.

131. Eh, excuse me, sir. The day's show is over.

132. Uh, I say the show is over!

133. The hour is near.

134. The call is coming.

135. Adventure awaits.

136. Though you will stumble, the crab will show you the light.

137. When adversity devours you, a lever will set you free.

138. When all hope is gone,

139. help will come from above in the shape of...

140. a donkey!

141. Take heed, O friends.

142. The stage is set for the heroes at hand.

143. The crab of adversity will devour the donkey?

144. What was that about?

145. A-And why would a blind guy come to a dinner theater anyway?

146. Maybe he likes the music.

147. - I know what it means. - What?

148. Don't you see? "The stage is set for the heroes at hand."

149. We're gonna be in the show, all of us.

150. Listen to me.

151. There is the stage— we're the heroes at hand. Get it?

152. If we all audition, we're gonna be stars.

153. How would he know? Um—

154. The blind are often blessed with keen insight.

155. Our gals would really look up to us if we were in the show.

156. And my kids would thinkl'ma hero.

157. The stage is set for the heroes at hand.

158. I got my own set of pirate costumes in my locker.

159. I've been savin' 'em for— y-you know, whatever.

160. - "The hour is near." - "The call is coming."

161. Let's give it a shot!

162. Okay. Let's get this over with.

163. It's way past my bedtime.

164. Ready when you are, Mr. Hibbing.

165. All right. Andy, cue the music and the lights.

166. Scene 3 positions. Let's see what you've got.

167. Hey. Here we go.

168. - Huh! - Avast, you scurvy dogs.

169. You came from the sea, and to the sea you shall return.

170. Pirate 2, position 5.

171. Okay.

172. I go aloft, Captain. The height will afford me a keener view.

173. Ha! Ha! Ha! Mmm! Mmm! Nah!

174. Pirate 3, position 4.

175. Your cutlass be sharper than your mind, bilge rat!

176. Whoa. C-Can I do my lines from here? I'm pooped.

177. Trigger B.

178. Whoa! That's on my list!

179. Ah!

180. Ahoy.

181. Ah!

182. I can't believe he fired us... just for failing an audition!

183. And breaking the restaurant.

184. Man, that's it for me.

185. It's back to my parents' basement, and good-bye, Ellen.

186. I needed that job.

187. Ah, sure. We can get some ice cream. Okay! Double-fudge for me.

188. Oh. Uh, hi, Jacob. Hello, Mr. Lewis.

189. Ha! Heard about your audition.

190. I guess that makes you "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything."

191. Oh, well, tough luck.

192. Some guys got it, and some guys don't.

193. No wonder George Jr. wants to hang out with us.

194. His dad's a loser.

195. I don't know what went wrong.

196. The old man. What went wrong is that we listened to you!

197. I should be at home right now watching TV...

198. as a happily employed cabin boy!

199. I guess guys like us will never be more than cabin boys.

200. Aw, come on, guys.

201. Things look kind of bad right now, but something will turn up.

202. See what I mean? Huh.

203. - Free garbage. - Oh, now we're headed someplace.

204. We've got a metal ball.

205. Well, what is it?

206. Well, it could be something valuable, like a Russian satellite.

207. Or maybe a bomb. I don't think it's a bomb.

208. Uh-oh. I told you it was a bomb!

209. It might be a bomb. Chuck it in the river.

210. I don't think it's a bomb. I think it's a bomb.

211. - Come on! - It's a bomb! It's a bomb for sure!

212. - I saw this on TV once. - It's a bomb!

213. I don't think it's a bomb.

214. What happened? It stopped blinkin'.

215. I, uh, pushed the button. You did what?

216. Ah!

217. That's something you don't see every day.

218. So, we lost our jobs, but we got a rowboat.

219. So, maybe it's a wash. Oh, okay.

220. I'll say, "Hey, Ellen. The bad news is...

221. "I got fired and I'm living in my parents' basement again.

222. The good news is I got a rowboat!"

223. It's so old.

224. Well, you know the saying. "Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.

225. Give a man a rowboat, and he'll"--

226. Uh— Um— He'll—

227. You ruined my life!

228. Hey,

229. we could have two rowboats.

230. Wait!

231. I'm thinking we should avoid pushing any more buttons!

232. I was gonna get us another rowboat. Well, you didn't!

233. You didn't get us another rowboat!

234. You got us—

235. Y-You got us—

236. Where are we?

237. We appear to be... at sea.

238. It's a lovely day.

239. Take me home! Put me back!

240. - I don't know how. - Push another button!

241. You're the king of the buttons!

242. But it doesn't do anything if they aren't blinking. They're not blinking.

243. See? Nothing. Hey. I-I think I see somethin'.

244. I-It's a ship.

245. Uh, let's row over and check it out.

246. - Uh, yeah. - It's a rowboat.

247. Each of you grab an oar and start rowin'.

248. Hey, hey. S-Scoot over a little bit.

249. We gotta even out the weight. How's this going?

250. Hold the skinny part. I wanna be the rudder.

251. Can I be the rudder? You're not rowing together.

252. You're going the wrong way. It's not a metaphor. I'm talking literally.

253. Slow down a little bit.

254. Huh? Hey, it's a girl.

255. Ahoy there!

256. Ahoy, strange seafarers.

257. What brings you so far from shore in such a modest vessel?

258. Well, it's kind of funny.

259. W-We found this rowboat in the alley...

260. 'cause there was a ball in the garbage truck.

261. - This ball. - The Helpseeker.

262. Willory, they've come!

263. What? Who's come, milady?

264. The heroes. They're here!

265. - We've been waiting for you. - Quickly, come up.

266. It's splendid to meet you.

267. I'm Eloise, Princess of Monteria,

268. and this is my butler, Willory.

269. We haven't much time. Pirates have taken my brother, Prince Alexander.

270. With my father, the king, away in the west,

271. it is imperative that we mount a rescue immediately.

272. So—

273. Well, you're the heroes.

274. Any questions?

275. Milady, may I have a word?

276. - We need to talk. - Certainly. One moment.

277. Uh, we'll be right with you.

278. I mean no disrespect, but these men hardly seem the heroic type.

279. They're short, rather pudgy,

280. and, for heaven's sake, they were rowing around the ocean.

281. What is going on here?

282. She thinks we're, uh— Heroes.

283. But, Willory, they have the ball.

284. Perhaps they plucked it from the ocean, or stole it from the real heroes.

285. They could be pirates themselves, you know.

286. I mean, look how they're dressed.

287. So what do we do? I say we have the asparagus...

288. and the little princess turn this boat around and take us home.

289. Or... we take this opportunity to do what we've always wanted to do.

290. Buy go No. Be heroes.

291. But we're cabin boys. They don't know that. She called us heroes.

292. You're kidding, right? Aw, come on. How hard could it be?

293. We sail around, we find the prince, we go back home heroes.

294. But how can we trust them?

295. Because I trust my father.

296. He created the Helpseeker for one purpose— to bring help.

297. And this is the help it has brought.

298. It's kind of nice to be called a hero.

299. Sure beats "loser."

300. Well, gentlemen, are you ready for adventure?

301. Point the way!

302. Oh, you're not pirates, are you?

303. Well, we're, uh— we're— We sure aren't cabin boys.

304. We're friendly pirates, uh, sort of.

305. Oh. You don't rob or pillage, do you?

306. Oh, no. We don't do any of that stuff.

307. In fact, we don't do anything at all.

308. Back home, they actually call us "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything."

309. That's right.

310. How comforting. Well, then, there's no time to spare.

311. Great. I'll drive.

312. We'll just give it some gas.

313. What a kidder.

314. Elliot, let me take the wheel.

315. You scramble up to the yard and unfurl the topsail.

316. Come again. Position 3.

317. Oh. Aye, aye, Captain.

318. So, you guys got TiVo?

319. Uh, certainly. Where are my manners?

320. Willory, kindly bring our friend some tea.

321. No, uh, TiVo. It's the recording thing with the TV thing...

322. in the future.

323. Tea would be lovely.

324. The spies are in place, sir.

325. This is great.

326. So... wh

327. We're comin' up on a bunch of islands.

328. Real pointy ones.

329. Yes. Uh, the Whipcrack Islands.

330. These treacherous waters shelter many a desperate pirate.

331. A skilled captain, able to sail this maze,

332. will find at its center the Inn of Jolly Joe, a popular pirate haunt.

333. Perhaps we should turn back.

334. We cannot turn back. Alexander is counting on us.

335. Captain, are you up to the task?

336. Uh, sure. Wh-Why exactly do we need to go there?

337. To find out more aboutthis.

338. Hey. I've seen that on TV. You can cut a can with it and still slice a tomato.

339. This cutlass belongs to the pirate who took my brother.

340. If we find out who the owner is, we'll be closer to finding Alexander.

341. Milady, I-I don't think we're safe.

342. These waters teem with pirates.

343. And you'd make a handsome prize.

344. We must do whatever it takes to rescue my brother, Willory.

345. Besides, we have our heroes to watch over us.

346. Does anyone know where the bathroom is?

347. Oh. Don't worry about a thing, Willory.

348. - It's under control. - Listen here.

349. I don't know who you are or where you came from, but I know what a hero is,

350. and you three buffoons are most definitely not!

351. How do we look, First Mate Elliot?

352. Looking good, Captain. Steady as she goes.

353. Huh?

354. Uh, Captain, did you see anything over there?

355. Huh? I-I don't see anything.

356. Hmm.

357. Oh, no!

358. What? Oh, dear!

359. Drop your sails and prepare to be boarded.

360. Quickly, milady, you must hide!

361. Eh—

362. Mmm? Oh, we should drop our sails.

363. What? Drop the sails!

364. Get to the yard and undo the knots. Position 3!

365. Uh, okay!

366. Perhaps you don't know who you're dealing with.

367. This be One-Eyed Louie, terror of the seven seas.

368. I'm givin' you to the count of five to drop your sails...

369. or we'll send you to the bottom.

370. I'm putting you on my list.

371. Drop the sails! Drop the sails!

372. - I don't know how to untie 'em. - Five!

373. They're bowline knots. Break the back!

374. Back of what? Which

375. - Four! - The rabbit goes around the tree twice, then down the hole.

376. Get the rabbit out of the hole!

377. Three!

378. Oh, how quaint.

379. The princess has a powder room.

380. Locked. All right. Where's the key?

381. - Two! - I'm not gettin' it!

382. The rabbit! The middle! The hole!

383. Here, key-key-key-key-key-key-key.

384. Oh, look. There you are. On a big ring, just like at the gas station.

385. One!

386. Come on! I... gotta... go!

387. What a marvelous strategy, pretending you couldn't untie a knot...

388. while Sedgewick crept down to the gun deck.

389. What cunning! What bravery!

390. Oh, uh— I— It was nothin'.

391. Huh! Really. I told you they were heroes.

392. I don't have to go to the bathroom no more.

393. Get to the end of the line. Hurry it up!

394. Welcome to my kingdom, Prince.

395. It's not quite ashomey as your father's.

396. But it's great for entertaining.

397. Have fun!

398. You can't hide, Robert. My father will send help.

399. I would enjoy that.

400. All are welcome.

401. Watch your step.

402. - Not yet. - My father will be very pleased...

403. that his Helpseeker found you all.

404. You love your dad a lot, huh?

405. Oh, yes. He's a wonderful king.

406. Wise, brave.

407. But he always finds time for me, his little Eloise.

408. Oh, that's great.

409. I-I'd figure a king would be kind of busy most of the time.

410. Oh, but he's much more than just an ordinary king.

411. Do you have children? Sure do.

412. George Jr. And Lucy. Great kids.

413. I'm sure they know how lucky they are.

414. A hero for a father.

415. Huh.

416. I see something!

417. It looks like an inn or somethin'.

418. I-I'm asking again, milady—

419. For your own safety, please return to the ship.

420. Uh, you are a princess. And this inn is full of treacherous pirates.

421. Yes, thank you, Willory.

422. But my brother's life may be at stake.

423. Even princesses can do what's right.

424. Yes. Uh, of course.

425. You'll need to befriend a group of pirates.

426. Then ask them about the owner of this cutlass. Uh, right.

427. And for heaven's sake, keep your wits about you.

428. These are treacherous men.

429. Join in!

430. You've got it now! Keep it up, lads!

431. - Oh! - *There ain't no place

432. Argh! Great! Argh!

433. They sound jolly, but they don't look so jolly.

434. Okay, boys. Deal 'em up.

435. That deck's got to be swabbed. Uh, excuse me, gentlemen.

436. I was wondering if you could, um—

437. if you could tell me, uh—

438. Uh—

439. What's the matter there? Parrot got your tongue?

440. Uh, well, I, uh—

441. He looks like a captain, but he talks like a cabin boy!

442. Uh—

443. It isn't gonna work. Oh, let's just go. Let me try.

444. You gotta know how to talk to these guys.

445. Argh. 'Twas a fine day at sea today.

446. Took a twelve-gun brigantine and 10,000 pieces of eight.

447. Argh. Well, we took an eighteen-gun sloop and 20,000 pieces of eight.

448. - Aye. But did you show no mercy? - Not a bit.

449. The cruelest!

450. Well, me hearties, that was a fine day.

451. Grab a chair and join the game. All right.

452. Come on in. Serve 'em up, pour 'em up, pull 'em up.

453. By the way, mateys, have any of you seen this?

454. Is that a yes or a no?

455. Aye, lad.

456. The cutlass belongs to Robert—

457. Robert the Terrible.

458. My uncle.

459. You have his cutlass, but you're not he.

460. The others were fooled, but I know better.

461. You know where we could find this fella?

462. His fortress is hidden,

463. but I've heard tale of an island past the Rocks of Malabar.

464. On that island a cave.

465. And in that cave, the clues to finding his secret lair.

466. Not that I'd go looking for it. And why shouldn't I?

467. They don't call him Robert the Terrible for nothing.

468. He's the king's own brother, but he's as bad as the king is good.

469. Tried to take the throne by force, he did.

470. And for his treachery, was banished from Monteria.

471. So he's a little nasty. A little?

472. Aren't you up for a little adventure?

473. I hear tell, locked deep in his fortress,

474. he's harnessed the mechanical arts to make himself stronger than the king.

475. With terrible iron legs and arms. Not that terrible.

476. His iron claw can crack a coconut.

477. Stop trying to scare 'em. Story says he's waiting for the king to step away—

478. just long enough to grab his beloved children,

479. then take the throne for his own.

480. So, what would he do with them?

481. For Robert to claim the throne, they must be gone.

482. On vacation?

483. Princess Eloise?

484. So, what would he do with someone who was helping the prince and princess?

485. A cucumber slices much more easily than a coconut.

486. Hyah!

487. Oh, for Pete's sake.

488. Okay! That's enough adventure for this gourd.

489. Clearing tables is really kind of fun when you think about it.

490. Don't leave without me!

491. Uh, which way would be, uh, home?

492. George, Sedgewick, Elliot! Where are you going?

493. We must sail for the island at once.

494. Unless, of course, our heroes are giving up.

495. Oh, no. It's just that, you know,

496. heroes can be very busy.

497. And now that this situation is under control,

498. we've been beckoned to another crisis...

499. somewhere else.

500. You must be mistaken.

501. The Helpseeker brought you here, and only the Helpseeker can send you back.

502. According to my father's notes, the red button brings help...

503. and the blue button sends you home.

504. But I don't believe it will light until your work here is done.

505. I wanna go home!

506. Just get me back to 1972. I'll walk from there.

507. I don't understand. You're our heroes,

508. brave as lions and cunning as foxes.

509. Are you the lion, 'cause I'm not the lion.

510. No, you're the chicken. He's the spineless sea sponge.

511. Who are you? I don't know. I'm like a sleepy little panda.

512. My father brought you here for a reason, and your work here is not done.

513. All right, here are the Rocks of Malabar.

514. But look! There's no island anywhere.

515. But Jolly Joe said there's an island past the rocks.

516. Well, you're the kings heroes. I'll leave the interpretation up to you.

517. Ta-ta.

518. I don't know about you, but if I bump into that Robert guy, I'm going to wet myself.

519. Well, let's at least go look. I-It won't be that hard.

520. We sail to the rocks, look around a little and then go home.

521. Our work'll be done.

522. No island— nothing more we can do.

523. I don't know. Well, what if the map is wrong?

524. Come on, guys. We'll be fine.

525. We can look like heroes without doing anything dangerous.

526. Hmm. That does have a nice ring to it.

527. Great plan, George. What he lacks in spine he makes up for in brain.

528. The Rocks of Malabar.

529. Well, that's it. No island around here.

530. Time to go home. Oh, fellows, fellows.

531. Let us not give up so easily.

532. The island may still lie ahead.

533. What is that?

534. El Remolino, the great whirlpool.

535. No pirate will sail beyond the Rocks of Malabar for fear of it.

536. I thought it was pirate legend, but there it is.

537. Okay, time to go home. No islands out here.

538. No. We're gonna keep going.

539. But didn't you hear him? It's a giant whirlpool.

540. Captain George's death cruise...

541. brought to you by George the crazy grape.

542. I thought you were on our side.

543. Thank you, George.

544. Might be a giant whirlpool, might not be!

545. Let's hold our course!

546. That whirlpool holds nothing but our own demise.

547. Really?

548. The island! Huh. How about that?

549. What? How could—

550. It's sea mirage. Water droplets in the air reflecting the sky so perfectly...

551. they block the island from view.

552. Weather Channel.

553. Right on time.

554. And look who they left behind.

555. Do you think there are snakes on this island?

556. 'Cause snakes are on my list.

557. Oh, I'm sure there are snakes. Big ones too.

558. And spiders and bears. Huh?

559. Of course, the real question is why are we on this island?

560. I don't follow you. We had a plan.

561. Sail to the rocks, don't find the island, go home.

562. Which part eluded you? It was a sea mirage.

563. You knew that, but we didn't need to know that.

564. It's an adventure! I don't want any more adventure.

565. I should be home on the couch right now eating cheese curls and watchingThe Love Boat.

566. Instead I'm stuck here with Captain Weather Channel...

567. on my way to be sliced and diced by Edward Scissorhands!

568. Look, I don't know what I'm doing here.

569. I'm just trying to help Eloise.

570. Let's just get the clues for the princess.

571. Maybe then we can go home.

572. Now, if I were a cave, where would I be?

573. Right about there.

574. Whoa. Dark, creepy caves are on my list.

575. Sedgewick, look for the clues. Oh, yeah.

576. To bring me even closer to my death.

577. So, what's wrong with our boat?

578. We can't sneak up on them in a pirate boat, you ninny.

579. So, what do they look like?

580. What? The clues.

581. I don't know. Uh, maybe a map or a model of the world carved out of rock.

582. Or maybe a billboard. Not likely. Too obvious.

583. No, really, a billboard. What?

584. "If a sailor were to look for me,

585. "the East is where he'd start.

586. "He'd reach the Isle of Walking Rocks...

587. "and the Clapping Pass would part.

588. "Then gaze with pride upon my keep—

589. "not found on any chart.

590. "Till he would spy my steely eye...

591. and fear would stop his heart!"

592. Ooh.

594. Oh, yeah! That sounds like fun and all,

595. but I'd kind of like to keep my heart going if it's all the same to you.

596. So what do we got?

597. We head east to— The Isle of Walking Rocks and the Clapping Pass.

598. And that's where this Robert guy hangs out?

599. And then something about cardiac arrest.

600. I don't know. Call me crazy,

601. but maybe our senses of fun are a little bit... different.

602. Holy mackerel. Holy mackerel!

603. What What

604. Pieces of eight? Spanish gold?

605. Even better.

606. Cheese curls.

607. What? Cheese curls. Thousands of them!

608. Maybe millions!

609. Well, grab a few and let's get back to the boat.

610. I'm not going back to the boat.

611. What do you mean you're not going back to the boat?

612. The way I see it, I have two choices.

613. Go back to the boat and continue our little adventure...

614. until we all die in terrible ways,

615. or stay on this island and frolic in the sun...

616. with a lifetime supply of my favorite snack food.

617. Now, I'm no Albert Einstein, but I'm thinking the choice is pretty clear.

618. But the princess, she thinks we're heroes.

619. Well, she's wrong!

620. Heroes are tall and strong and brave and handsome, like Sir Frederick.

621. We aren't any of those things.

622. When you're done pretending, come on back.

623. I'll save you a few cheese curls.

624. Fine. Have it your way.

625. I will, thank you. You're not welcome.

626. Ho, ho, ho! Where do I start?

627. How about you, my little friend?

628. Oh. Um, what?

629. Um— Hey, hey, hey, fellas!

630. Oh, what does he know?

631. I know we're not real heroes, but we're not doing so bad.

632. Ugh. Let's just get back to the boat.

633. Um— Where is she going?

634. She's sailing away. But the clues!

635. Maybe she didn't need them after all.

636. Are you beeping? It's my bag.

637. The ball. It's the blue button. We can go home now.

638. What? That doesn't make any sense.

639. - It means our work is done. - Where's the rowboat?

640. But the ball— it's blinking. We can go home.

641. Hold on a sec. How long has that been here?

642. It's one of Robert's boats.

643. But where are the men?

644. The ball! It's blinking!

645. Something ain't right.

646. They've got the princess. We gotta help her.

647. Come on!

648. Listen, when the ball blinks our work is done and we can go home.

649. Don't you wanna go home? Don't you wanna see your kids?

650. Sure, I wanna see my kids.

651. But I also want them to wanna see me.

652. You know, maybe the reason they don't look up to me...

653. is because I haven't given 'em something worth looking up to.

654. But the ball. Hey,

655. that ball thought we were heroes.

656. It was wrong about that.

657. It could be wrong about this too.

658. Look, Elliot,

659. if you wanna go home, you can go home.

660. But Eloise needs me,

661. and I need to do what's right.

662. Let's go save a princess. Help is on the way!

663. Help!

664. What kind of a crazy "B" movie am I in?

665. Attack of the Killer Cheese Curls?

666. Oh, okay, guys. Let's be reasonable.

667. I wasn't really gonna eat you,

668. but you're impersonating a snack food.

669. Whoo. Whoa!

670. - Okay, we're off. - I don't think we can catch up with them.

671. Ah, I think you're right. Then we'll just have to follow the clues.

672. Yeah, from the billboard.

673. Head east to the Island of Walking Rocks.

674. You think that's a good idea?

675. No, but I haven't got a better one.

676. East it is.

677. Uh, the other east.

678. East it is.

679. Oh. My sacroiliac.

680. At least I lost those cheese curls.

681. They're like roaches.

682. Sick, demented, cheese-flavored roaches!

683. They stuck me here on purpose.

684. I bet George knew about those little things from the Weather Channel too.

685. He— He's trying to kill me.

686. I can't climb that. It's too far.

687. It isn't worth it.

688. Eaten by his own favorite snack food.

689. Could be worse. I could be eaten by something I don't like.

690. Oh! I give up.

691. It was a good life.

692. At least that one day from about 2:00 to 2:30.

693. Whoo. Hey!

694. Where did— That's mine.

695. Ellen.

696. I bet she'd want me to come back.

697. What?

698. The light.

699. The crab will show me the light.

700. Maybe I can't do it,

701. but maybe I can!

702. And this is the day to find out!

703. Ha, ha! Sorry, boys!

704. Gourd is off the menu!

705. Whoo-hoo!

706. Whoa!

707. What do you want, Robert?

708. Isn't it obvious? I want the throne! The crown!

709. For years I watched my "noble" brother...

710. use his power for the benefit of every family in Monteria...

711. except our own!

712. Feed the poor, help the sick.

713. The widows, the orphans. Blah, blah, blah.

714. My father is a good and generous king.

715. Indeed. He took Monteria's wealth—

716. our wealth— my wealth—

717. and squandered it on strangers— peasants!

718. When the crown is mine,

719. I can once again enjoy the benefits or royalty.

720. You're not strong enough to take the crown from my father's head.

721. Perhaps not.

722. But with you and your sister out of the way,

723. I'll be next in line for the throne.

724. And if your father should have an unfortunate "accident"--

725. Ambition is the mother of invention.

726. A little something I worked up during my exile.

727. Amazing what black powder can do floating just beneath the surface.

728. A little demonstration.

729. Off you go, Your Highness.

730. Of course, I can't just leave them in the harbor waiting or I'll blow up my own ships,

731. so I need to know something.

732. When is the king returning?

733. He didn't say. But even if he had, I'd give my own life before I'd tell you.

734. But would you give your sister's?

735. Alexander!

736. Surely you must know when your father is returning!

737. If you can manage to remember,

738. I might consider sparing the two of you.

739. You have two hours to think it over.

740. Otherwise,

741. when the sand runs out,

742. so do the prince and princess.

743. Put them in their cell.

744. Oh, Father. Who can help us now?

745. Will you stop that? What? It's a good song. Don't you like it?

746. After the 32nd verse, it grates. Besides, it's making me hungry.

747. Look at this. I suppose Robert's fortress is beyond those peaks.

748. But there's supposed to be a pass.

749. The Clapping Pass, right? Right.

750. I don't see anything.

751. You think that's the Island of Walking Rocks?

752. Huh. It's got rocks, but they don't appear to be going anywhere.

753. Maybe it's poetic license.

754. I'm gonna look for the pass. You hang out here.

755. Walking rocks.

756. G George!

757. Huh?

758. That must lead to the fortress. Hey, Elliot!

759. The rocks!

760. There's another one!

761. Do you think one of those could crush a coconut?

762. Are you kidding?

763. One of those could crush a Volkswagen!

764. I think we woke up Dad.

765. Do you suppose he'll put the kids on time

766. Not likely.

767. It was nice knowing you, Elliot. You too, George.

768. Thanks for the adventure. Don't mention it!

769. Huh?

770. Sedgewick!

771. Oh. Hey, I've been looking for you.

772. I followed the clues. They— They worked out pretty well.

773. Ooh! That was a swim.

774. Company?

775. Oh, no.

776. I hate these guys.

777. Sedgewick, keep it up. I think they like it.

778. Oh, sure. Yeah. I'll just keep running all day. No problem!

779. Oh, it's heavy. Please— It's not—

780. I'm so tired. Would you—

781. Somebody eat them. Would you?

782. Well, that was a good idea, uh, swimming over here with those, uh,

783. whatever they are.

784. Oh, no. We gotta get through there before it closes.

785. What Robert has the prince and the princess.

786. Hang on. Now, this is the guy who wants to crush us like coconuts, right?

787. Uh-huh. And you're going to go in there and stand up to him?

788. Yep. And you're in on this too?

789. Mm-hmm.

790. Okay.

791. We gotta row through before it closes.

792. I don't think that's possible,

793. and that's coming from a guy who just swam 92 nautical miles without arms or legs.

794. Well, you got a better idea?

795. Yeah! We need to get through. Can you help?

796. Wh Chuck us into the side of the mountain?

797. We'll just have to trust him.

798. Trust him? He's a rock.

799. Whoa!

800. Whoo! Whoa. Oh.

801. "Trust the rock," he says.

802. I don't understand. Um, guys?

803. We're not gonna make it.

804. The pass is almost closed.

805. Uh, guys.

806. Trust the rock! Trust the rock!

807. Guys! What?

808. Whoa!

809. Row!

810. Oh, the Clapping Pass. I get it.

811. Must be some kind of a secret bay or something.

812. So, where's this fortress?

813. Oh. Found it.

814. Won't they see us coming? We're flying their flag.

815. We should be fine.

816. There you go. They got a garage.

817. Well, that makes it easy. Eh, too easy.

818. It's not guarded or anything.

819. They don't to guard it. Nobody can find this place.

820. Huh?

821. Hey, guys? There's bubbles.

822. Look out! He's going to eat us!

823. Don't eat me!

824. Back off, serpent!

825. Or taste my steel!

826. Huh?

827. Huh?

828. Hi, guys. It's a contraption.

829. I found a big level inside. Shut the whole thing down.

830. Pretty cool, huh?

831. Guys?

832. Oh, dear.

833. Like sand through the hourglass,

834. so are the last few minutes of our lives.

835. Okay, guys. Let's go get the princess.

836. I'm hoping this'll lead up to the dungeon level,

837. a-and that's where we'll find the prince and princess.

838. Wow. Their dungeon has a swimming pool.

839. Huh? Oh, no, no. It's a cistern.

840. What? Their supply of drinking water,

841. so they could last for months during a battle.

842. The dungeon must be on the next level up.

843. Hey, I found the stairs.

844. Hmm.

845. So, uh, what are we going to do when we get to the dungeon?

846. Huh? Oh. I haven't figured that part out yet.

847. Oh, good. I was thinking we had a plan.

848. Hey, I think we're there.

849. It's locked.

850. Yep, this is the dungeon, all right.

851. And look! There's the princess.

852. Princess Eloise. Princess Eloise.

853. What? It's— Who is it?

854. It's— Our heroes.

855. We've come to rescue you.

856. Do you have the keys?

857. If only we could get real small.

858. That is one neat toy.

859. It is not a toy. It's a labor-saving device.

860. Come on. Time's a-wastin'.

861. Huh?

862. What manner of magic is this?

863. It's no magic.

864. It's Radio Shack!

865. All right. Quickly.

866. I knew you'd come back.

867. Hey!

868. We gotta go! Follow me!

869. Quick! The keys!

870. - But this way is— - No!

871. Hmm.

872. Time's up.

873. Hello.

874. What's this?

875. Someone wanted to spoil my fun?

876. Surely not you. Oh! No, sir.

877. Then you three?

878. They're heroes, sent by my father.

879. They'll be your undoing.

880. The king's heroes?

881. Then you can answer my question.

882. When will the king return?

883. Uh, he-he didn't mention it to us. Uh, didn't come up.

884. Surely the king's heroes would know of his plans!

885. Tell me when the king will return, or say good-bye to the princess.

886. Oh, no! Let her go.

887. We're not the king's heroes. We're not heroes at all.

888. It was all a misunderstanding.

889. Explain.

890. We're no heroes. We're cabin boys.

891. We work in a restaurant. We clear dishes. We clean up.

892. Uh, we give people refills on their soft drinks.

893. That's right. The king's heroes?

894. He's so lazy, he can't even climb a ladder without giving up.

895. Yeah. And— And he's scared of everything.

896. Spiders, snakes, wicker furniture.

897. It's true. And George there—

898. he's such a wimp, even his own son thinks he's a loser.

899. Isn't that right?

900. Is it true?

901. It's true.

902. The ball made a mistake. We're no heroes.

903. We're—

904. When all hope is gone,

905. help will come from above,

906. in the shape of a donkey.

907. Donkeys?

908. We're not donkeys. We're cabin boys.

909. Even cabin boys...

910. can do what's right!

911. Follow me!

912. Hmm?

913. Elliot, the ball!

914. Here.

915. We really need help right now.

916. Ah!

917. Get in!

918. Everybody, lean.

919. - Whoa! - Fo!

920. Get them!

921. It's more fun if you hold your hands in the air.

922. The drain. We're gettin' out of here.

923. I'm feeling flushed!

924. You've got to be kidding.

925. Quick! To the ship!

926. Whoa!

927. Whoo-hoo! What a ride!

928. - You did it! - We're not done yet.

929. Row! Row like the wind!

930. We've got company!

931. Row! Row!

932. Row! Can I ask where we're rowing to?

933. The pass is closed!

934. It could open up at any second. Keep rowing.

935. A noble but pointless effort.

936. Gentlemen, take them out.

937. Whoa!

938. Oh!

939. This is not going so well.

940. Unless that pass opens up, we're doomed!

941. We can't get much further.

942. Is there anything that ball can do now?

943. We really need help. Help!

944. Uh, nothing. It's not blinking.

945. They're in range now, boys.

946. Finish them.

947. What is it? I don't know.

948. Father!

949. It can't be!

950. You know what to do, men. Watch your aim.

951. Quickly. Disable the ship.

952. Back to your posts! Return fire!

953. Against the king's men? Youaremad!

954. Men, hold your fire.

955. On my word, Brother, I'm not finished!

956. I'll never be finished until that crown...

957. is on my—

958. For amazing tenacity,

959. unwillingness to give up.

960. For extraordinary bravery...

961. in the face of grave danger.

962. For leadership and cunning...

963. in a time of great peril.

964. You wish to speak?

965. We're glad we could help. Your kids are real sweet.

966. But the ball— I-it doesn't work right.

967. We're no heroes. We're cabin boys.

968. There were no mistakes.

969. The Helpseeker picked exactly whom I intended.

970. And I made sure you had everything you needed...

971. to complete the task.

972. The crab that showed you the way.

973. The lever that saved your friends.

974. The donkey from above.

975. The adventure I call you to...

976. may not be easy,

977. but you'll never journey alone.

978. My help is always there.

979. When we were on the island, the ball said it was time to go home.

980. That was a test— which you passed with flying colors.

981. Sometimes a test helps us decide what matters most.

982. The hero isn't the strongest or the fastest...

983. or the smartest or the best-looking.

984. The hero is the one who, no matter how hard,

985. does what he knows is right.

986. Monteria, I give you three heroes!

987. Are you sure you don't want to stay?

988. We can always use a few more heroes.

989. Nah. I want to see my kids.

990. And my Ellen. And Bernadette.

991. Fare thee well, friends.

992. Your work here is done.

993. Sure enough.

994. Hang on. Whoa!

995. You know, I liked them from the very beginning.

996. Whoa!

997. We're back.

998. The show's on. It must be Friday.

999. I gotta find my kids! And the girls.

1000. Caroline! Kids!

1001. There they are!

1002. It's a fine night for a pirate fight.

1003. He thinks Sir Frederick is me.

1004. Hey!

1005. Huh? There's no king to save you now, cabin boy!

1006. - Elliot! The ball! - It's blinking.

1007. Here it is.

1008. Stall him!

1009. Andy, trigger "B."

1010. Say hello to my little friend.

1011. Take that!

1012. Whoa!

1013. Whoa!

1014. Enough tricks!

1015. A little help?

1016. Ouch.

1017. Time to go home. Uh-oh.

1018. Whoo! All right!

1019. That's my dad!

1020. Can I come over toyourhouse?

1021. I-I'd like to rethink your auditions.

1022. You could really add something to the show.

1023. I don't think we need to be in the show after all.

1024. Life has plenty of adventure of its own.

1025. Hold on. We're not quite done.

1026. All right. That's a wrap.

1027. Is anybody out there? *Uh-oh, uh-oh