1. Admiral Collingwood!Copy !req
2. Well, Admiral?Copy !req
3. Great news, Your Majesty!Copy !req
4. The French are defeated at last.Copy !req
5. Also the Russians, the Portuguese,Copy !req
6. the ChineseCopy !req
7. and the Welsh.Copy !req
8. Then our navy rules the ocean.Copy !req
9. Almost entirely, Your Majesty.Copy !req
10. "Almost"?Copy !req
11. Unfortunately, just here,Copy !req
12. we're still having a little trouble with...Copy !req
13. pirates.Copy !req
14. What does it say on my royal crest, Admiral?Copy !req
15. "I hate pirates,"Copy !req
16. ma'am.Copy !req
17. Exactly.Copy !req
18. Hate them.Copy !req
19. With their idiotic shanties!Copy !req
20. And their ridiculous hats!Copy !req
21. And their endless, blasted roaring!Copy !req
22. I want them sunk, Admiral!Copy !req
23. Scuppered, smashed, fed to the sharks.
Do you hear me?Copy !req
24. I hate pirates!Copy !req
25. It's the looting..Copy !req
26. It's the cutlasses.Copy !req
27. It's the looting.!Copy !req
28. It's the cutlasses!Copy !req
29. Looting!Copy !req
30. Cutlasses!Copy !req
31. Looting!Copy !req
32. Sorry, Captain.Copy !req
33. We were just discussing
what's the best bit about being a pirate.Copy !req
34. You were, were you?Copy !req
35. I suggested it might be the looting.Copy !req
36. Whereas I contend it's the shiny cutlasses.Copy !req
37. And I thought
it was the chance to catch exotic diseases.Copy !req
38. Well, you're, all of you, wrong.Copy !req
39. The best bit about being a pirateCopy !req
40. isn't the looting or the cutlasses.Copy !req
41. It's not the grog or the scurvy.Copy !req
42. Or the scantily clad mermaids.Copy !req
43. The best bit about being a pirateCopy !req
44. is Ham Night!Copy !req
45. Ham Night!Copy !req
46. Ham Night!Copy !req
47. Ham!Copy !req
48. On your nose.Copy !req
49. Go, Captain. Go, Captain.Copy !req
50. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
51. It's like a meat ballet.Copy !req
52. - To Ham Night!
- Ham!Copy !req
53. - And to the Pirate Captain!
- Pirate Captain!Copy !req
54. Pirate Captain!Copy !req
55. How was that, Number Two?Copy !req
56. You've still got it, Captain.Copy !req
57. I'd take a jellyfish in the face for that man.Copy !req
58. Okay, now, shush, shush, shush.
Settle down, lads. Shush.Copy !req
59. - Lads, lads.
- Pirates!Copy !req
60. - It's not all about me.
- Don't be modest.Copy !req
61. No, no, no.Copy !req
62. Behind every captain with glittering eyesCopy !req
63. - and a luxuriant beard...
- Luxuriant!Copy !req
64. That's what it is.Copy !req
65. there's a crew of briny rogues.Copy !req
66. Briny rogues!Copy !req
67. Sure, some of you
are as ugly as a sea cucumber.Copy !req
68. Will you get away with ya?Copy !req
69. Some of you are closer
to being a chair or coat rack than a pirate.Copy !req
70. And some of you
are just fish I've dressed up in a hat.Copy !req
71. But you're still the best crew
a captain could wish for.Copy !req
72. Don't forget Polly.Copy !req
73. And not forgetting, never forgetting...Copy !req
74. Polly. The finest parrot
to sail the seven seas.Copy !req
75. Come on, girl.Copy !req
76. I love her beady eyes.Copy !req
77. Who's the feathery
heart and soul of our boat?Copy !req
78. Is it you? Is it you?Copy !req
79. Yes, it is. Yes, it is.Copy !req
80. It's definitely you, isn't it?Copy !req
81. Yes, it is. Yes, it is.Copy !req
82. Right. Where was I?Copy !req
83. Ah, yes! Ah, yes.Copy !req
84. Important announcement.Copy !req
85. By order of the Pirate King himself...Copy !req
86. The Pirate of the Year Awards?Copy !req
87. Are you going to...Copy !req
88. Are you going to enter again?Copy !req
89. That I am, Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate.Copy !req
90. I know it hasn't
worked out perfectly for the last...Copy !req
91. - 20 year.
- 20 years, yeah.Copy !req
92. Exactly, Pirate with Gout. 20 years.Copy !req
93. It might be a bit more. 21, 22...Copy !req
94. Yes, yes. Thank you, thank you.Copy !req
95. - You were very good, though.
- Shush!Copy !req
96. The point is,
every time I've entered, I've failed to win.Copy !req
97. So by the sheer law of maths...Copy !req
98. Maths.Copy !req
99. I must have a really good chance this time.Copy !req
100. Are you with me, lads?Copy !req
101. Yes! This can only end brilliantly.Copy !req
102. Then let's go plundering!Copy !req
103. Land ho!Copy !req
104. Blood Island.Copy !req
105. So-called because
it's the exact shape of some blood.Copy !req
106. Yeah!Copy !req
107. Excuse me. Mind out.Copy !req
108. Captain coming through.Copy !req
109. Thank you very much.Copy !req
110. Thank you.Copy !req
111. One Pirate of the Year
entry form, if you please.Copy !req
112. Thank you.Copy !req
113. Now, let's see.Copy !req
114. "Booty?"Copy !req
115. Oh, yes.Copy !req
116. "Roaring." Check.Copy !req
117. "Shanties."Copy !req
118. I shall put "rousing."Copy !req
119. "Beard"?Copy !req
120. LuxuriantCopy !req
121. Obviously.Copy !req
122. Do you think I should sign it in blood?Copy !req
123. Make it more dramatic?Copy !req
124. Might be a bit on the showy side.Copy !req
125. Bit too much. You might be right.Copy !req
126. Pirate Captain.Copy !req
127. You can't lose, Captain.Copy !req
128. I'd bet my face.Copy !req
129. Well, thank you, Albino Pirate.Copy !req
130. You're a shoo-in, sir.Copy !req
131. Sure, there's not a pirate
on the seven seas can match you.Copy !req
132. Lock up your daughters!Copy !req
133. It's me, Peg-Leg Hastings!Copy !req
134. Back from plunderin' the Spanish Main.Copy !req
135. Good grief.Copy !req
136. And I reckon this will make me
Pirate of the Year.Copy !req
137. Don't worry, sir. He's all flash and no bang.Copy !req
138. Cutlass Liz.Copy !req
139. The Butcher of Barbados.Copy !req
140. Hello, boys.Copy !req
141. You're probably all wondering
if I'm still as deadly as I am beautiful.Copy !req
142. Well, I am.Copy !req
143. Hello, Cutlass, you trollop.Copy !req
144. Peg-Leg, you pile of squid bait.Copy !req
145. Check it out, lubbers.Copy !req
146. The world's biggest diamond.Copy !req
147. That baby's got my name on it.Copy !req
148. She doesn't even have a beard.Copy !req
149. Sweet Neptune's briny pants.Copy !req
150. Black Bellamy.Copy !req
151. Roar!Copy !req
152. Read it and weep, ya coves!Copy !req
153. That's right,
Black Bellamy is gonna be Pirate of the Year.Copy !req
154. Again.Copy !req
155. How are you? Good to see you.Copy !req
156. Grog for everybody!Copy !req
157. Grog for everybody!Copy !req
158. Wow, we are rubbish
compared to them, aren't we?Copy !req
159. Perhaps we should be off, sir.Copy !req
160. Yes.Copy !req
161. Yes, yes, good point.Copy !req
162. I just remembered, actually,
I have some very importantCopy !req
163. bits of rope I need to untangle.Copy !req
164. Thank you.Copy !req
165. Well, if it isn't the Pirate Captain.Copy !req
166. Hello, Bellamy. Cutlass. Peg-Leg.Copy !req
167. Didn't notice you come in.Copy !req
168. The beard's looking great, my man.Copy !req
169. And I see that you're more wanted than ever.Copy !req
170. Come on, everybody, be nice.
Give him a break.Copy !req
171. Bring it down a little bit. All right.Copy !req
172. Seriously, Captain,Copy !req
173. how's the pirating business treating you?Copy !req
174. Yeah, yeah, brilliantly, brilliantly.
Thanks for asking.Copy !req
175. Treasure coming out of my eyeballs.Copy !req
176. Taken to washing my hair in 50-pound notes.Copy !req
177. Really?Copy !req
178. If you've got so much booty,Copy !req
179. then how come
you're still sailing that old wreck?Copy !req
180. Anyway, look,
I'd love to stay and chat, but, you know,Copy !req
181. places to pillage, people to...
People to skewer.Copy !req
182. Come on!Copy !req
183. That is disgusting.Copy !req
184. Wait a minute.Copy !req
185. Captain, what is this?Copy !req
186. - What?
- Captain?Copy !req
187. That's nothing.
Could I possibly have that back?Copy !req
188. - Hold on, hold on. Wait, wait.
- Thank you.Copy !req
189. "Pirate of the Year"?Copy !req
190. You're entering Pirate of the Year?Copy !req
191. No, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
192. - Yes.
- Again?Copy !req
193. Yes!Copy !req
194. Come on. Listen, did they change the rules?Copy !req
195. I mean, I always thought they gave it
to the pirate with the most booty.Copy !req
196. Do they now just give it to the guy
with the fattest parrot?Copy !req
197. She is not fat. She's just big-boned.Copy !req
198. She's fat, dude.Copy !req
199. Yeah, go on. Go on, then, laugh.Copy !req
200. Everyone laugh.Copy !req
201. Ignore them, Captain. It's not worth it.Copy !req
202. The trophy would just clash
with your wallpaper, anyway.Copy !req
203. You'll see, you'll see.Copy !req
204. I will be Pirate of the Year.Copy !req
205. Yes.Copy !req
206. And then you'll be laughing on
the other side of your faces.Copy !req
207. Yes.Copy !req
208. And believe me, that is
a very painful thing to do.Copy !req
209. Come on, lads.Copy !req
210. Well...Copy !req
211. All right, now listen up, you coves.Copy !req
212. We'll show those swabs
a thing or two about pirating.Copy !req
213. There's still time
to fill these chests with sparkling booty.Copy !req
214. I can practically taste that trophy!Copy !req
215. Trophy! Trophy! Trophy!Copy !req
216. Captain! Sail off the port bow!Copy !req
217. Let's get after her, Number Two.Copy !req
218. Aye, aye, sir.Copy !req
219. Clap on all sail!Copy !req
220. Royals and topgallants!Copy !req
221. Release those gallants!Copy !req
222. Fire those long things that go bang.Copy !req
223. Fire cannons four and six!Copy !req
224. Eat cannonball, lubbers.Copy !req
225. Here we go, lads! Look and learn.Copy !req
226. Go get 'em, Pirate Captain!Copy !req
227. Avast! I'm the Pirate Captain.Copy !req
228. And I'm here for your gold.Copy !req
229. Gold? This is a plague boat, old man.
I'd give my right arm for some gold.Copy !req
230. Or my left.Copy !req
231. Right, lads.Copy !req
232. Minor hiccup, that last one.Copy !req
233. This time,Copy !req
234. it's payday!Copy !req
235. I'm the Pirate Captain,
and I'm here for your gold.Copy !req
236. Geography field trip.Copy !req
237. I'm the Pirate Captain, and...Copy !req
238. Naturists.Copy !req
239. Pirate Captain. Blah, blah, blah, blah, gold.Copy !req
240. Ghost ship.Copy !req
241. Sorry.Copy !req
242. Captain, we've sighted another ship, sir.Copy !req
243. That's nice.Copy !req
244. Do you want to give the order to attack?Copy !req
245. No, not really, Number Two. No, I think I've...Copy !req
246. Think I had enough of piracy.Copy !req
247. I'm hanging up my cutlass.Copy !req
248. Captain, no!Copy !req
249. Yeah, I was thinking
I might go into baby clothes, actually.Copy !req
250. What?Copy !req
251. I hear there's a fortune to be made
in baby clothes becauseCopy !req
252. babies grow so fast.Copy !req
253. No, but you can't. I mean, the crew...Copy !req
254. They'd... They'd be lost without you.Copy !req
255. What was I thinking, Number Two?Copy !req
256. Pirate of the Year?Copy !req
257. Me?Copy !req
258. Look at the trophy cabinet.Copy !req
259. Best Anecdote About a Squid.Copy !req
260. I mean, that is all I've got to show
for my entire career.Copy !req
261. Pirate of the Year?Copy !req
262. It's just commercialized nonsense.Copy !req
263. Real piracy isn't about trophies.Copy !req
264. It's about fighting up staircases backwards.Copy !req
265. It's about sliding down sails
with a knife in your teeth.Copy !req
266. Beard glossiness!Copy !req
267. And think about
all the adventures we've had.Copy !req
268. Our adventure with Aztecs.Copy !req
269. Our adventure with that pig.Copy !req
270. Our adventure with...Copy !req
271. Okay, maybe not the librarians.
But the fun we've had.Copy !req
272. And what about the shanties?Copy !req
273. Well, I mean...
People would miss my shanties.Copy !req
274. And the running people through.Copy !req
275. Well, I... I do enjoy running people through.Copy !req
276. Enjoy it? You're brilliant at it!Copy !req
277. You're a brine-soaked terror of the high seas!Copy !req
278. Do you think so, Number Two?Copy !req
279. Everyone does!Copy !req
280. You're more of a pirate
than Black Bellamy or any of them.Copy !req
281. You're a real pirate.Copy !req
282. That's why the crew,Copy !req
283. they think you're the best thing
since boil-in-the-bag ham.Copy !req
284. Why do you think they allCopy !req
285. got that tattoo? Come on.Copy !req
286. What do you say?Copy !req
287. Arrr!Copy !req
288. By Neptune, where's that ship?Copy !req
289. This is the one, lads!Copy !req
290. Ninth time lucky! I can feel it in my beard!Copy !req
291. Well, don't just sit there like lemons!Copy !req
292. Hoist the flag!Copy !req
293. Standard, sir?Copy !req
294. Or extra gruesome?Copy !req
295. Extra gruesome!Copy !req
296. Let's make their gizzards shake.Copy !req
297. Journal of Charles DarwinCopy !req
298. Day 93 aboard the Beagle.Copy !req
299. I have, today,
discovered a new kind of barnacle,Copy !req
300. which I have categorised
in the order of Pygophora.Copy !req
301. I'll never get a girlfriend. I am so unhappy.Copy !req
302. And now I'm being attacked by pirates.Copy !req
303. Avast! I'm the Pirate Captain,
and I'm here for your gold.Copy !req
304. I haven't got any gold.Copy !req
305. No gold, eh?Copy !req
306. Then what, might I ask, is this?Copy !req
307. It's a baboon's kidney.Copy !req
308. Is it?Copy !req
309. And what about this?Copy !req
310. It's another baboon's kidney.Copy !req
311. We searched the hold, Captain.Copy !req
312. And?Copy !req
313. Just creatures.Copy !req
314. Bits of creatures in jars.Copy !req
315. And an unhappy-looking baboon.Copy !req
316. What kind of ship is this?Copy !req
317. We're a...Copy !req
318. Well, we were a scientific expedition.Copy !req
319. Charles Darwin, at your service, sir.Copy !req
320. For pity's sake!Copy !req
321. Is it so much to ask? Is it?Copy !req
322. I just want one tiny bit of success!Copy !req
323. One teensy weensy bit
of respect from my peersCopy !req
324. just once in my life!Copy !req
325. Is that such a crime?Copy !req
326. IS it?Copy !req
327. - No?
- No!Copy !req
328. No.Copy !req
329. But you try telling that to the universe.Copy !req
330. Just once, just once for things to go right.Copy !req
331. Just... Just once.Copy !req
332. So, are we done here?Copy !req
333. Dear Diary,Copy !req
334. about to meet a watery grave.Copy !req
335. It's nothing personal, you understand.Copy !req
336. It's just... It's been a tough week,Copy !req
337. and a good plank walk
usually cheers him up.Copy !req
338. Will die without reaching second base
with a lady.Copy !req
339. Get on with it!Copy !req
340. Today's weather:Copy !req
341. inclement.Copy !req
342. - Stop!
- Now what?Copy !req
343. Last request, is it?
Do we have to grant those?Copy !req
344. Is there some sort of
human rights convention we're signed up to?Copy !req
345. - But that bird!
- My parrot?Copy !req
346. She's just big-boned!Copy !req
347. No, she's not.
I mean... I mean, she's not a parrot.Copy !req
348. Not a parrot?Copy !req
349. What's he on about, old girl?Copy !req
350. She's... She's...Copy !req
351. She's the scientific discovery of our age!Copy !req
352. She's a...Copy !req
353. Sorry. It's just,Copy !req
354. that's my favourite bit.Copy !req
355. A dodo, you say?Copy !req
356. They've been extinct for 150 years.Copy !req
357. To find one alive today, it's quite incredible.Copy !req
358. Well, clever old girl. Not going extinct.Copy !req
359. If I might be so bold, I would be preparedCopy !req
360. to pay you 10 pounds for your Polly.Copy !req
361. Polly's not for sale.Copy !req
362. Ten pound.Copy !req
363. She's one of the family.Copy !req
364. She's like an auntie.Copy !req
365. With a beak.Copy !req
366. Yeah, I'm afraid they're right, Charles.Copy !req
367. Polly here is the feathery
heart and soul of the boat.Copy !req
368. Come on, little dodo.Copy !req
369. It's such a missed opportunity.Copy !req
370. If I could've presented herCopy !req
371. in London to the Royal Society
at their annual science show...Copy !req
372. No question of that, I'm afraid.Copy !req
373. - She'd have been an absolute sensation.
- Yeah, well, can't be helped.Copy !req
374. And of course a shoo-in for the top prize.Copy !req
375. Prize?Copy !req
376. For best scientific discovery. Yes.Copy !req
377. This prize,Copy !req
378. - valuable, is it?
- Valuable?Copy !req
379. It's priceless.Copy !req
380. Untold riches.Copy !req
381. - Captain...
- No, no, no, no.Copy !req
382. I was thinking, perhaps,
perhaps I was being a touch hasty.Copy !req
383. But, Captain, London?Copy !req
384. The home of Queen Victoria,Copy !req
385. mortal enemy of pirates everywhere?Copy !req
386. We'll end up hanged at Execution Dock.Copy !req
387. We laugh in the face of danger, remember?Copy !req
388. - I don't.
- I don't really like danger at all.Copy !req
389. Captain, do you remember
the little talk we had?Copy !req
390. The one about whether pigs
are actually a type of fruit?Copy !req
391. No.Copy !req
392. No.Copy !req
393. The one about us trying
to avoid harebrained schemesCopy !req
394. that end in us facing certain death.Copy !req
395. You heard the man, Number Two.Copy !req
396. "Untold riches."Copy !req
397. Here's the plan.Copy !req
398. We go to London,
Polly wins this science show thingy,Copy !req
399. we take the prize money,
I enter Pirate of the Year, I win!Copy !req
400. Bingo!Copy !req
401. - But, Captain, I'm not sure...
- It can't fail.Copy !req
402. And besides, look at her little face.Copy !req
403. I sure want to win that science prize.Copy !req
404. Squawk!Copy !req
405. Bravo, Captain!Copy !req
406. I see you're a man of vision!Copy !req
407. Right, then, Charles.
When is this science show of yours?Copy !req
408. A week tomorrow.Copy !req
409. Confound it!Copy !req
410. You see, we could've
made that with a good wind behind us,Copy !req
411. but unfortunately there's this dirty
great sea monster in the way.Copy !req
412. I think they just add those onto maps
for decoration, Captain.Copy !req
413. Is that a fact?Copy !req
414. Well, blow me down.Copy !req
415. I dare, you could learn something
from this fine fellow, Number Two.Copy !req
416. London Town.Copy !req
417. The most romantic city in the world.Copy !req
418. "Queen Victoria"Copy !req
419. "welcomes you to London."Copy !req
420. That's nice.Copy !req
421. Perhaps she's not so bad after all.Copy !req
422. Well, don't look so worried, Number Two.Copy !req
423. Pirates are always visiting London.Copy !req
424. Turn back!Copy !req
425. This is the fate of pirates here!Copy !req
426. Is that Scarlett Morgan?Copy !req
427. Pirate Captain.Copy !req
428. Goodness me!Copy !req
429. I haven't seen you
since that business in Madagascar.Copy !req
430. Yes. I could've sworn they were girls.Copy !req
431. You're looking well, Morgan.Copy !req
432. Yeah, lost a bit of weight.Copy !req
433. What are you up to these days?Copy !req
434. You know, this and that.Copy !req
435. Yeah, just gonna enter
a science competition, actually.Copy !req
436. - Good luck with that.
- Yeah, thanks, thanks.Copy !req
437. No, no, wait, wait!Copy !req
438. Turn back!Copy !req
439. Turn back.Copy !req
440. - Sorry.
- No!Copy !req
441. Look what you've done to me boat.
Look at the state of it.Copy !req
442. I hope you've got some insurance, 'cause I...Copy !req
443. Right, then. We'll be off.Copy !req
444. I'll bring her back tomorrow
straight after the show.Copy !req
445. Well, don't be daft, Charles.
I'll be presenting Polly.Copy !req
446. - You?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
447. I always fancied
trying my hand at a spot of science.Copy !req
448. But you can't. I mean,Copy !req
449. the streets of London
are no place for pirates.Copy !req
450. Pirates? What pirates?Copy !req
451. Nobody here but us Girl Guides.Copy !req
452. Yes!Copy !req
453. I've got a badge for looting.Copy !req
454. We're not really Girl Guides.
It's us, the pirates.Copy !req
455. We're masters of disguise.Copy !req
456. How ingenious.Copy !req
457. But all the same, Captain,
best we lie low for the night.Copy !req
458. Perhaps at my house.Copy !req
459. - Captain, I really think...
- Good plan, Chuck.Copy !req
460. Be fun to see how you boffin types live.Copy !req
461. Well, come on. Taxi!Copy !req
462. Evening, Officer.Copy !req
463. Hidey-ho, ladies.Copy !req
464. London smells like Grandma.Copy !req
465. Whoa.Copy !req
466. Here we are.Copy !req
467. Home, sweet home.Copy !req
468. You don't get many women back here,
do you, Charles?Copy !req
469. People who live alone
are always serial killers.Copy !req
470. Sweet Neptune on a bike!Copy !req
471. Don't mind Mr Bobo.Copy !req
472. - Just an old project of mine.
- Project?Copy !req
473. Yeah, I had this theory.Copy !req
474. I thought that if you took a monkey,
gave him a monocleCopy !req
475. and covered up his gigantic, unsightly ass,Copy !req
476. then he would cease
to be a monkey and become more of a...Copy !req
477. A man-panzee, if you will.Copy !req
478. Bold theory.Copy !req
479. I don't like the monkey.Copy !req
480. But to be honest, monkeys are 10 a penny.Copy !req
481. He's not a patch on Polly here.Copy !req
482. Anyhow, big day tomorrow.Copy !req
483. We all need our rest.Copy !req
484. Let me show you to your room, Captain.Copy !req
485. Right behind you, Chuck.Copy !req
486. Now, here's the plan.Copy !req
487. You know what to do.
Wait until the bearded idiot is asleep,Copy !req
488. then sneak into his room and...Copy !req
489. Captain.Copy !req
490. It's... It's Mr Darwin, sir.
I'm sure he's up to no good.Copy !req
491. Honestly, Number Two, what's got into you?Copy !req
492. Thanks to Charles,
we're about to win lavish untold riches,Copy !req
493. and here you are
trying to find fault with the poor fellow.Copy !req
494. - Yes, but...
- No, no, no. Not another word.Copy !req
495. A future Pirate of the Year
needs his beauty sleep.Copy !req
496. Do you think you could
make nautical noises until we drop off?Copy !req
497. That's lovely. Now, that is lovely.
Can you do the shiver a timber?Copy !req
498. And just chuck in a few gulls, would you?Copy !req
499. Ladies and gentlemen, our winner.Copy !req
500. Give it up for the Pirate Captain!Copy !req
501. Congratulations, Pirate Captain.Copy !req
502. Nobody deserves this more than you.Copy !req
503. Thanks, Cutlass.Copy !req
504. And that beard of yours,Copy !req
505. it drives meCopy !req
506. crazy.Copy !req
507. Give it here.Copy !req
508. Give it back, Bellamy, it's mine!Copy !req
509. No, give it back.Copy !req
510. Neptune's navel!Copy !req
511. Come back here, you lubber.Copy !req
512. Stop, thief!Copy !req
513. I'll take that.Copy !req
514. Not so fast, my friend.Copy !req
515. Number Two!Copy !req
516. Number Two, are you all right?Copy !req
517. Unhand that dodo!Copy !req
518. Evening, Captain.Copy !req
519. Number Two!Copy !req
520. We're under attack!Copy !req
521. Abandon ship!Copy !req
522. Hello, Pirate Captain, Pirate with a Scarf!Copy !req
523. Come back here,
Mysterious Shadowy Figure!Copy !req
524. Faster! Faster!Copy !req
525. Got you! Are you all right, girl?Copy !req
526. Captain! I mean, what's going on?Copy !req
527. Don't play the innocent.Copy !req
528. You and your hench-monkey
tried to steal Polly.Copy !req
529. Steal Polly? Dear me, no, you're mistaken.Copy !req
530. Then how do you explain this?Copy !req
531. Well, I think it's obvious
what's happened, isn't it?Copy !req
532. Is it?Copy !req
533. Some jealous rival scientistCopy !req
534. must have tried to make off with the dodo.Copy !req
535. Well, that explains everything.Copy !req
536. Captain, please, let's go.Copy !req
537. Polly's not safe in London.Copy !req
538. I couldn't bear it
if something happened to Polly.Copy !req
539. Nothing is going to happen to Polly.Copy !req
540. She'll be perfectly safe.
Leave everything to me.Copy !req
541. Now, come on,
we can't keep that prize waiting.Copy !req
542. Anyone got a towel?Copy !req
543. Nice going, banana butt.Copy !req
544. Now this briny buffoon
is gonna grab all the glory.Copy !req
545. It's a disaster.Copy !req
546. It's...Copy !req
547. Bad news, I'm afraid, Captain.Copy !req
548. You can't go in.Copy !req
549. It's strictly scientists only, you see.Copy !req
550. I'll just have to present PollyCopy !req
551. myself.Copy !req
552. We're not really scientists.
It's us, the pirates.Copy !req
553. See? Masters of disguise.Copy !req
554. But where's Polly?Copy !req
555. That is on a need-to-know basis
from here on in, Charles.Copy !req
556. - Pardon?
- I am keeping her hidden.Copy !req
557. That shadowy figure could be anywhere.Copy !req
558. Luckily, I am not only a master of disguises,Copy !req
559. I am also a master of hiding things.Copy !req
560. Right, lads,
let's show these boffins what's what.Copy !req
561. But, Captain.Copy !req
562. - Really, I...
- Hello!Copy !req
563. We're here for the science show.Copy !req
564. We're scientists.Copy !req
565. That's a pipette, this is Charles Darwin,Copy !req
566. and I am the Scientist Captain.Copy !req
567. If you're a scientist, name three elements.Copy !req
568. Well, let's see now.Copy !req
569. There's... There's gold, ham...Copy !req
570. andCopy !req
571. the tears of a mermaid.Copy !req
572. Yeah, two out of three. Close enough.
First on your left.Copy !req
573. The balloon of my airship containsCopy !req
574. - 20,000 cubic feet of hydrogen gas.
- Excuse me.Copy !req
575. Sorry.Copy !req
576. Just here, you will notice the open log fireCopy !req
577. to ensure a comfortable
temperature at higher altitudes.Copy !req
578. Captain?Copy !req
579. Captain, Captain, please.Copy !req
580. You can't possibly
appear on stage without Polly.Copy !req
581. Patience, Charles. All in good time.Copy !req
582. Excuse me. Sorry.Copy !req
583. - Sorry.
- Idiot!Copy !req
584. - Just a tick.
- But, Captain...Copy !req
585. How on earth did...Copy !req
586. My airship will revolutionise
the fields of meteorology and cartography.Copy !req
587. But mostly,Copy !req
588. it's for looking down ladies' tops.Copy !req
589. Ingenious.Copy !req
590. Captain, I really, really thinkCopy !req
591. it would be best if I take over from here.Copy !req
592. There's a certain manner
in which these things are conduc...Copy !req
593. Nonsense, Chuck.Copy !req
594. What this science stuff needs
is a bit of showmanship!Copy !req
595. Look, it's the captain.Copy !req
596. Captain! Captain!Copy !req
597. Fellow scientists, poindexters, geeks,Copy !req
598. prepare to be confounded.Copy !req
599. Prepare to be amazed.Copy !req
600. Prepare to...Copy !req
601. Wait a second. What's this?Copy !req
602. What's this?Copy !req
603. Stop!Copy !req
604. I am the world's leading doctor,Copy !req
605. and I declare the science you are doing
is too shocking by half.Copy !req
606. Dr. Albino,Copy !req
607. are you saying that those of a nervous
disposition should leave immediately,Copy !req
608. in case the sheer unexpected
remarkableness of my discoveryCopy !req
609. should cause their hearts to explode?Copy !req
610. I am.Copy !req
611. Well, science lovers, you have been warned.Copy !req
612. This is our most educational adventure ever.Copy !req
613. Back from the dead.Copy !req
614. Back from beyond the grave.Copy !req
615. Back to astound you all.Copy !req
616. The ninth wonder of the world.Copy !req
617. She's travelled halfway
across the globe to be here tonight.Copy !req
618. Here's Polly!Copy !req
619. It's a dodo.Copy !req
620. By Jove.Copy !req
621. That is astounding!Copy !req
622. An actual dodo!Copy !req
623. Makes electricity look like a pile of crap.Copy !req
624. The Royal Society's prizeCopy !req
625. for best scientific discovery...Copy !req
626. I hope it's not a cheque.Copy !req
627. Is awarded to...Copy !req
628. Have you any idea
what the sterling-doubloonCopy !req
629. exchange rate is these days?Copy !req
630. the Scientist Captain.Copy !req
631. Thank you, thank you.Copy !req
632. You're too kind.Copy !req
633. Please stop. Enough. Thank you.Copy !req
634. Thank you.Copy !req
635. Is that it?Copy !req
636. Oh, no.Copy !req
637. - Good.
- You also getCopy !req
638. this leather-bound set of encyclopaedias.Copy !req
639. Excuse me just one moment. Thank you.Copy !req
640. Okay, Chuck.Copy !req
641. Now, I like encyclopaedias
as much as the next man,Copy !req
642. but they're not exactly gonna help me win
Pirate of the Year, are they?Copy !req
643. Where's the booty?Copy !req
644. Booty? What booty?Copy !req
645. The prize! The "untold riches," remember?Copy !req
646. Perhaps I didn't explain.Copy !req
647. It's not all about money.Copy !req
648. No, the real prize is...Copy !req
649. Her Royal Majesty, the Empress of India,Copy !req
650. Ruler of the Kingdom of Java...Copy !req
651. - ... a personal audience with...
- ... Defender of the Faith,Copy !req
652. - Queen Victoria!
- Queen VictoriaCopy !req
653. herself.Copy !req
654. Scientist Captain,Copy !req
655. congratulations.Copy !req
656. What a tremendous discovery.Copy !req
657. Your... Your Majesty.Copy !req
658. And who are these charming fellows?Copy !req
659. - Well, this is my crew.
- By which he means lab assistant crew.Copy !req
660. Yes, yes.
I'm using "crew" in the street sense.Copy !req
661. Yo.Copy !req
662. And I'm Charles Darwin, Your Majesty.Copy !req
663. I helped find the dodo.Copy !req
664. Yes, whatever.Copy !req
665. But where has your
delightful creature disappeared to?Copy !req
666. Resting, ma'am. Hidden away.Copy !req
667. I only let her out
for the big performance, I'm afraid.Copy !req
668. In case sinister forces
should try to make off with her, you see.Copy !req
669. Sinister forces?Copy !req
670. DeanCopy !req
671. Well, we have a wonderful
petting zoo at the palaceCopy !req
672. where Polly would be quite safe.Copy !req
673. Perhaps we couldCopy !req
674. take her off your hands.Copy !req
675. I'm sorry, ma'am,
but that's out of the question.Copy !req
676. But she'd have a lovely time.Copy !req
677. There are guinea pigs and a donkey.Copy !req
678. No, no, I couldn't, ma'am.Copy !req
679. Not even for little old me?Copy !req
680. No, no, no, I'm afraid not, ma'am.Copy !req
681. No, you see,
there is nothing more important to a pirateCopy !req
682. than his trusted dodo.Copy !req
683. She is the feathery
heart and soul of the boat.Copy !req
684. Did you say...Copy !req
685. "pirate"?Copy !req
686. Pirate? No, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
687. Scientist.Copy !req
688. Yes, good old, good old science.
Can't get enough of it.Copy !req
689. Mixing stuff together.Copy !req
690. You know, test tube tubing
and Bunsen burning.Copy !req
691. See?Copy !req
692. He's no scientist!Copy !req
693. He's a Girl Guide!Copy !req
694. He's no Girl Guide!Copy !req
695. - He's a pirate!
- Pirate!Copy !req
696. Hang on, hang on.Copy !req
697. There's been some kind of mistake. Some...Copy !req
698. Some silly mistake. Whoa, laddies!Copy !req
699. Stop, stop. I can explain.Copy !req
700. Your Majesty.Copy !req
701. He's hidden the dodo.Copy !req
702. If you chop his head off now,Copy !req
703. we might never find out where.Copy !req
704. Wait a mo.Copy !req
705. One doesn't know why.Copy !req
706. Perhaps it's his luxuriant beard
or his gleaming teethCopy !req
707. or the way he smells faintly of coconuts.Copy !req
708. But we have taken a shine to this pirate.Copy !req
709. Do you have a name, pirate captain?Copy !req
710. They call me the Pirate Captain.Copy !req
711. Well, Pirate Captain,Copy !req
712. we hereby pardon you
of your piratical crimes.Copy !req
713. You will stay in London, Pirate Captain,Copy !req
714. and entertain us
with your stories and your wit.Copy !req
715. And especiallyCopy !req
716. your dear little dodo.Copy !req
717. Hell's barnacles.Copy !req
718. Can we please get out of here now?Copy !req
719. That was a bit close for comfort,
Number Two.Copy !req
720. I will get you the dodo, Your Majesty.Copy !req
721. See that you do, Mr Darwin.Copy !req
722. Captain?Copy !req
723. Captain! Captain!Copy !req
724. Hurry up, lads, chop-chop.Copy !req
725. Let's get back to sea where we belong.Copy !req
726. Ave, ave, Captain!Copy !req
727. I told you coming to London was a bad idea.Copy !req
728. The sooner I get the smell of brine in my...Copy !req
729. Captain!Copy !req
730. Captain!Copy !req
731. Whoa!Copy !req
732. You're not leaving, surely?Copy !req
733. I most certainly am.Copy !req
734. You've let me down badly, Charles.Copy !req
735. Look! Look!Copy !req
736. - Also, to be frank...
- Captain...Copy !req
737. your nose is too small for your face.Copy !req
738. But you're the toast of London Town.Copy !req
739. I say, look at that.Copy !req
740. They've really captured my eyes.Copy !req
741. We were hoping
you might come out for a littleCopy !req
742. celebration before you go.Copy !req
743. We don't want to miss the tide, Captain.Copy !req
744. - No, no, no. Quite right, quite right.
- Captain,Copy !req
745. do join us, please?Copy !req
746. I'll just stop for a quick one. Rude to refuse.Copy !req
747. - But it's Ham Night.
- I'll be 20 minutes.Copy !req
748. Half an hour tops.Copy !req
749. Just get her...
Get her warmed up without me.Copy !req
750. Aren't we going yet?Copy !req
751. But what about winning the Pirate of the YearCopy !req
752. and showing all those other captains
that he's not a loser?Copy !req
753. Yoo-hoo! Come along, Captain.Copy !req
754. Captain...Copy !req
755. - Cheers!
- Good evening.Copy !req
756. Thank you. Thank you so very much.Copy !req
757. - Captain...
- And your name is?Copy !req
758. Miss Jane Austen.Copy !req
759. And that, and that is why, in a straight fight,Copy !req
760. a shark would probably beat a Dracula.Copy !req
761. Jane Austen,
feel free to use it in one of your books.Copy !req
762. Pirate Captain, you are a born raconteur.Copy !req
763. So much better
than the last chap we all went doolally over.Copy !req
764. You've all been terribly kind.Copy !req
765. Do run along.Copy !req
766. Another drink, Captain?Copy !req
767. Cheers, Chuck.Copy !req
768. I say, you're notCopy !req
769. - related in some way, are you?
- Pardon?Copy !req
770. It's just you, sort of...Copy !req
771. Well, no, no, nothing, nothing, nothing.Copy !req
772. Cheers.Copy !req
773. Do you know what I've discovered, Charles?Copy !req
774. The friends you make
after you've become famousCopy !req
775. are better, truer friendsCopy !req
776. than the ones you've had
for years beforehand.Copy !req
777. So very wise.Copy !req
778. But the lads will think I'm a fool.Copy !req
779. No. A fool, you?Copy !req
780. You're an intellectual giant.Copy !req
781. Just look at how
you managed to keep Polly safeCopy !req
782. from those sinister forces.Copy !req
783. Yes, I did do that, didn't I?Copy !req
784. You did.Copy !req
785. And wherever she's hidden,Copy !req
786. I bet it's somewhere really ingenious.Copy !req
787. It is rather.Copy !req
788. You'll never guess where.Copy !req
789. Well, no, why,
you're too smart for me, Captain.Copy !req
790. Right under everyone's noses.Copy !req
791. Or right under my noses, anyhow.Copy !req
792. Ta-da!Copy !req
793. You've been keeping Polly in your beard?Copy !req
794. Actually, I keep all sorts in here.Copy !req
795. I'm sorry about this, Captain.Copy !req
796. About what?Copy !req
797. What the...
What's the monkey-man playing at?Copy !req
798. This patently isn't even a real...Copy !req
799. Come back here, you lubbers!Copy !req
800. Sorry, Your Reverence.Copy !req
801. Got you, you rogue!Copy !req
802. Yeah, that's rather nice.Copy !req
803. Neptune's lips, what are you up to?Copy !req
804. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's not my fault.Copy !req
805. What do you mean "not your fault"?Copy !req
806. You steal Polly,
you shoot my best hat full of holes.Copy !req
807. Well, go on, then.Copy !req
808. Explain yourself.Copy !req
809. There's this girl.Copy !req
810. I'm hopelessly smitten with her.Copy !req
811. I'm listening.Copy !req
812. I know how partial she is to exotic animals,Copy !req
813. and I thought if I could get her the dodo,Copy !req
814. then she might like me.Copy !req
815. I'm so ashamed.Copy !req
816. Why didn't you say so?Copy !req
817. We've all done stupid things to impress girls.Copy !req
818. Yeah, you should act aloof.Copy !req
819. They love it when you act aloof.Copy !req
820. Still, must be quite a girl
for you to go to all that trouble.Copy !req
821. She is quite a girl.Copy !req
822. Kraken's biscuits!Copy !req
823. Mr Darwin.Copy !req
824. Honestly, Charles.Copy !req
825. It's the bun. The bun really does it for me.Copy !req
826. And I see you've brought a friend.Copy !req
827. How delightful.Copy !req
828. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...Copy !req
829. Oh, get a grip, man. You couldn't
manage one tiny task, could you?Copy !req
830. It's pathetic.Copy !req
831. Listen, Captain, I can see
I've gone about this all wrong.Copy !req
832. You see, I might have the body
of a weak and feeble woman,Copy !req
833. but I have the heart and soul of a person
who really, really wants that dodo.Copy !req
834. I seem to recall that you piratical types
have a bit of a soft spot for shiny things.Copy !req
835. Or am I getting you
muddled up with magpies?Copy !req
836. I couldn't.Copy !req
837. I mean, Polly, she's a family...Copy !req
838. Come now, Captain, it's so simple.Copy !req
839. Polly here could live like
a queen at my petting zoo,Copy !req
840. and you... Well...Copy !req
841. With treasure like this,Copy !req
842. you could be famed across the seven seas.Copy !req
843. Captain.Copy !req
844. Polly's not for sale.Copy !req
845. You? Win Pirate of the Year?Copy !req
846. You're a shoo-in, sir.Copy !req
847. There's not a pirate
on the seven seas can match you.Copy !req
848. But what about winning Pirate of the YearCopy !req
849. and showing all those other captains
that you're not a loser?Copy !req
850. Loser... Loser...Copy !req
851. I'm a floating head.Copy !req
852. So, Captain,Copy !req
853. are you going to do the right thing?Copy !req
854. I'm sailing out on the oceanCopy !req
855. Out on the deep blue seaCopy !req
856. 20 minutes, he said.Copy !req
857. Didn't he say 20 minutes?Copy !req
858. Don't worry, lads.Copy !req
859. He probably just got caught up,Copy !req
860. you know,Copy !req
861. battling a giant squid or something.Copy !req
862. Well, come on, you lubbers!Copy !req
863. It's him!Copy !req
864. I told you!Copy !req
865. I... I told you he wouldn't let us down.Copy !req
866. Hello, boys.Copy !req
867. Miss me?Copy !req
868. I'm having a mirage.Copy !req
869. But... How?Copy !req
870. Good question, Number Two.Copy !req
871. I stole it all in a daring raid
on the Tower of London.Copy !req
872. You stole all this from the Tower of London?Copy !req
873. That's right.Copy !req
874. Then I burnt it to the ground,
wrestled a bear,Copy !req
875. and I kissed a princess for good measure.Copy !req
876. Well, what are you waiting for?
Don't just stand there like porpoises.Copy !req
877. There's a trophy with our names on it!Copy !req
878. Set a course for Blood Island!Copy !req
879. Avast, me hearties!Copy !req
880. And welcome to the
59th Annual Pirate of the Year Awards!Copy !req
881. This is the ticket, eh, Number Two?Copy !req
882. Please, please, please,
can't Polly come out now?Copy !req
883. Best not.Copy !req
884. She's still very tired.Copy !req
885. - And here is your host for the evening...
- Shush.Copy !req
886. The Pirate King!Copy !req
887. Hello, Pirates!Copy !req
888. Hello, Pirate King!Copy !req
889. Any lubbers in tonight?Copy !req
890. No!Copy !req
891. Behind you!Copy !req
892. I'm Queen Victoria!Copy !req
893. And I hate pirates!Copy !req
894. Come on, cheer up.Copy !req
895. And now, you swabs,Copy !req
896. this is the big one.Copy !req
897. The nominees for Pirate
of the Year are as follows:Copy !req
898. Black Bellamy.Copy !req
899. Cutlass Liz.Copy !req
900. Peg-Leg Hastings.Copy !req
901. And a surprise late entry,Copy !req
902. the Pirate Captain!Copy !req
903. The panel of independent judgesCopy !req
904. have counted each
pirate's booty and declaredCopy !req
905. that this year's winner isCopy !req
906. the Pirate Captain!Copy !req
907. Excuse me!Copy !req
908. Excuse me.Copy !req
909. Listen, this is all very moving.Copy !req
910. I'm welling up here, but...Copy !req
911. Bellamy, this is most irregular!Copy !req
912. So is this!Copy !req
913. It seems Queen Victoria has
pardoned the Pirate Captain.Copy !req
914. No!Copy !req
915. So what if she did?Copy !req
916. If you've been pardoned,Copy !req
917. then, technically, you're no longer a pirate.Copy !req
918. And if you're no longer a pirate,Copy !req
919. you really can't be Pirate of the Year,Copy !req
920. now, can you?Copy !req
921. - No, you can't!
- That's right!Copy !req
922. Is this true?Copy !req
923. Well, that's one, frankly,
rather negative way of looking at it.Copy !req
924. Villainous treachery!Copy !req
925. Treacherous villainy!Copy !req
926. You have betrayed the pirating fraternity.Copy !req
927. But, Pirate King...Copy !req
928. Your pirate hat and coat!Copy !req
929. Your pirate badge with googly eyes.Copy !req
930. And your World of Hooks discount card.Copy !req
931. Confiscate his treasure!Copy !req
932. Every last bit of it.Copy !req
933. Begone!
May your lubber shame bear down upon you.Copy !req
934. You are hereby banished from Blood Island!Copy !req
935. You are a pirate no more!Copy !req
936. And stay out!Copy !req
937. Yes, well, not a... Not a total success.Copy !req
938. We don't need them and their stupid awards.Copy !req
939. The best thing about being
a pirate isn't the treasure.Copy !req
940. - It's the cutlasses.
- It's Ham Night.Copy !req
941. It's Polly.Copy !req
942. Where is Polly, Captain?Copy !req
943. What do you mean? You know where she is.Copy !req
944. She's been upset enough.Copy !req
945. Captain...Copy !req
946. Okay, okay.Copy !req
947. I sold her to Queen Victoria
for a boatload of treasure.Copy !req
948. There, I've said it.Copy !req
949. Well, come on. She was just a parrot.Copy !req
950. I mean, she wasn't even a parrot.Copy !req
951. Always weeing on the boat's carpets,
biting everyone.Copy !req
952. She gave half of us tetanus,
for goodness sake.Copy !req
953. But she was our Polly.Copy !req
954. Well, you know, you should be happy for her.Copy !req
955. She'll be, she'll be living the high life.Copy !req
956. Eating gold bricks wrapped up in,
you know, swans.Copy !req
957. Well, where are you swabs going? Come on.Copy !req
958. Well, we'll have an adventure
somewhere tropical with those native ladiesCopy !req
959. whose outfits
don't leave much to the imagination.Copy !req
960. Looks like it's
just you and me now, eh, Number Two?Copy !req
961. Good old inseparable you and me.Copy !req
962. Us two against the world, eh?Copy !req
963. Yeah?Copy !req
964. Like serrano ham and,Copy !req
965. you know, that other kind of ham.Copy !req
966. Arrr.Copy !req
967. You can't always
just say "arrr" at the end of a sentenceCopy !req
968. and think that makes everything all right.Copy !req
969. Fine. Fine, go on, then. Go.Copy !req
970. Go!Copy !req
971. It's not like I need any of you, anyway.Copy !req
972. See if I care.Copy !req
973. See if I care.Copy !req
974. You're too late.Copy !req
975. She's gone.Copy !req
976. Charles?Copy !req
977. Is that you?Copy !req
978. What are you doing here?Copy !req
979. We're tramps now.
It's not unlike being a scientist, but...Copy !req
980. with less experiments
and more drinking your own sweat.Copy !req
981. But where's Polly?
Why isn't she in her cage?Copy !req
982. It's too horrible.Copy !req
983. "Banquet for world leaders"?Copy !req
984. I've been a fool for love.Copy !req
985. Victoria never wanted
Polly for her petting zoo.Copy !req
986. "Terrine of Tiger, Black Rhino Ragout,Copy !req
987. "Panda Face Fritters"?Copy !req
988. I've discovered the Queen
is a member of a terrible secretCopy !req
989. dining society.Copy !req
990. Kings, queens, emperors from
around the world,Copy !req
991. they meet on her flagship, the QV1,Copy !req
992. to eat the rarest and most
endangered creatures they can find.Copy !req
993. This year, the highlight is...Copy !req
994. "Dodo a I'Orange"?Copy !req
995. She's going to eat Polly?Copy !req
996. It's all my fault.Copy !req
997. I'm an awful human being.
I'll never get a girlfriend.Copy !req
998. Now pull yourself together, man.Copy !req
999. Now listen, Charles,
we've all done something unforgivable.Copy !req
1000. I've betrayed my pirate honour,Copy !req
1001. you've betrayed science,
and Mr Bobo's betrayed the animal kingdom.Copy !req
1002. - We've got to rescue her.
- Us?Copy !req
1003. Against the crowned heads
of the world on an impregnable warship?Copy !req
1004. It's impossible odds!Copy !req
1005. It's only impossible
if you stop to think about it.Copy !req
1006. Come on, we didn't evolve from slugsCopy !req
1007. just to sit here
drinking our own sweat, now, did we?Copy !req
1008. Are you with us, Mr Bobo?Copy !req
1009. Oh, I say.Copy !req
1010. Well, pah!Copy !req
1011. We can do without the monkey-man.Copy !req
1012. Sorry, what was that about slugs?Copy !req
1013. No time for that now. Come on.Copy !req
1014. Prepare to be boarded, nerds.Copy !req
1015. It's true! You can see down ladies' tops.Copy !req
1016. Keep pedalling, Charles.Copy !req
1017. Help!Copy !req
1018. Neptune's nostrils. Not a thing.Copy !req
1019. Where the devil can she be?Copy !req
1020. Captain?Copy !req
1021. Pedal faster, Chuck!Copy !req
1022. But how on earth do we get on board?Copy !req
1023. This might sting a bit.Copy !req
1024. I really don't...Copy !req
1025. Catch hold of something!Copy !req
1026. Good man.Copy !req
1027. How do you like my pygmy
elephant nuggets, Your Majesty?Copy !req
1028. They're good, but not quiteCopy !req
1029. rare enough for my tastes.Copy !req
1030. Not rare enough?Copy !req
1031. Only three have been seen
in the last 50 years.Copy !req
1032. As many as three?Copy !req
1033. Well, well.Copy !req
1034. Just wait until you see what
I've got for the main course.Copy !req
1035. Gaston?Copy !req
1036. Gaston?Copy !req
1037. Are you there?Copy !req
1038. Oui, Your Majesty.Copy !req
1039. Gaston, I thinkCopy !req
1040. - we're ready.
- Neptune's teeth.Copy !req
1041. There's not a moment to lose.
We've got to find that kitchen.Copy !req
1042. But it's hopeless.
Where do we even start to...Copy !req
1043. So that's why I reckon,
in a straight fight, a sharkCopy !req
1044. - would probably beat a Dracula.
- No!Copy !req
1045. Course, a Frankenstein versus a jellyfish,Copy !req
1046. well, that's a different matter.Copy !req
1047. All clear, Chuck.Copy !req
1048. Chuck?Copy !req
1049. It's all right, Charles, I'm coming!Copy !req
1050. - Don't worry, I'll just...
- Charles?Copy !req
1051. Just... Just hang on!Copy !req
1052. Charles?Copy !req
1053. Poseidon's lips!Copy !req
1054. Are you all right, Charles?Copy !req
1055. Hey, you there!Copy !req
1056. What are you doing here?Copy !req
1057. Well, now. Excellent question.Copy !req
1058. All exotic animals should have been
delivered to the chef by now.Copy !req
1059. - What?
- What is it?Copy !req
1060. Some sort of duck?Copy !req
1061. Yes, yes. That's it, yes.Copy !req
1062. Quack, quack.Copy !req
1063. Hurry up, then. Kitchen's that way.Copy !req
1064. Yeah, come away! Go on.Copy !req
1065. Quack, quack.Copy !req
1066. Here we go, my Pretty-Copy !req
1067. It's time to be...Copy !req
1068. délicieux!Copy !req
1069. Mon dieu!Copy !req
1070. Polly, come to Daddy.Copy !req
1071. I'm sorry, old girl.Copy !req
1072. I will never, ever leave you again. I promise.Copy !req
1073. I will never leave you.Copy !req
1074. Perhaps we'd best make a move.Copy !req
1075. Yes, yes, yes, of course.
Back to the balloon.Copy !req
1076. Gaston?Copy !req
1077. Gaston?Copy !req
1078. Hello?Copy !req
1079. Captain. No.Copy !req
1080. Hello, Your Majesty.Copy !req
1081. The dodo is coming tout de suite.Copy !req
1082. - This really isn't wise.
- Claudette est dans la bibliotheque.Copy !req
1083. Please, I think we...Copy !req
1084. But you know, Your Majesty,
you cannot hurry the cooking.Copy !req
1085. Is a very delicate recipe, uh?Copy !req
1086. And the dodo is a very fattening dish.Copy !req
1087. Perhaps is not so good for you.Copy !req
1088. And, you know, the calories,
they will go straight to your chubby thighs.Copy !req
1089. - Captain.
- A minute on the lipsCopy !req
1090. is a lifetime on the...Copy !req
1091. Zut alors!Copy !req
1092. Well, well.Copy !req
1093. Pirate Captain.Copy !req
1094. Here you are again. And...Copy !req
1095. Oh, my.Copy !req
1096. Is that Mr Darwin behind those feathers?Copy !req
1097. Hello.Copy !req
1098. What a delightfully unexpected surprise.Copy !req
1099. You know, I think, secretly...Copy !req
1100. I've always loved you, Charles.Copy !req
1101. Gosh.Copy !req
1102. Really?Copy !req
1103. No!Copy !req
1104. Give me my dodo!Copy !req
1105. Now, come on, Vickie, be sensible.Copy !req
1106. It's just you, a tiny queen,Copy !req
1107. against me, a dashing terror of the high seas.Copy !req
1108. En garde!Copy !req
1109. Oh, dear!Copy !req
1110. Poor defenceless me.Copy !req
1111. What is a girl to do?Copy !req
1112. Now, steady on.Copy !req
1113. Now careful.Copy !req
1114. Do you know why I really hate pirates?Copy !req
1115. Childhood trauma, was it?Copy !req
1116. Bitten by a pirate when you were a baby?Copy !req
1117. Beard envy?Copy !req
1118. It's because you're out-of-date.Copy !req
1119. You're dinosaurs!Copy !req
1120. All that "romance of the seas" guff!Copy !req
1121. Right, where were we?Copy !req
1122. Look at you.Copy !req
1123. You should be extinct.Copy !req
1124. Along with your little friend!Copy !req
1125. Pity you can't eat pirates, really.Copy !req
1126. But you'd probably taste of barnacles.Copy !req
1127. Whereas, dear little Polly here is going to beCopy !req
1128. absolutely delicious!Copy !req
1129. Mr Bobo?Copy !req
1130. Give me back my dinner!Copy !req
1131. - Captain, catch!
- Number Two!Copy !req
1132. Sorry, Vickie.Copy !req
1133. Dodo is off the menu.Copy !req
1134. No, no, stop!Copy !req
1135. Stop!Copy !req
1136. Stop!Copy !req
1137. I'm being squashed
by giant barrels of vinegar!Copy !req
1138. Good work, Chuck.Copy !req
1139. Number Two, what are you doing here?Copy !req
1140. How did you find me? Where are the lads?Copy !req
1141. Don't worry, they're on the case.Copy !req
1142. It's all thanks to Mr Bobo here.Copy !req
1143. He rowed halfway across the ocean
to tell us what you were up to.Copy !req
1144. And, you know, I figured youCopy !req
1145. tend to end up wrapped in
sausages facing certain deathCopy !req
1146. at about this point in an adventure.Copy !req
1147. Yes.Copy !req
1148. Yeah.Copy !req
1149. Yes.Copy !req
1150. Listen, Number Two, I...Copy !req
1151. I realise I let you down.Copy !req
1152. Sorry.Copy !req
1153. I let everybody down.Copy !req
1154. You know, I've...Copy !req
1155. Well, I've done some pretty appalling things
in my piratical career.Copy !req
1156. Like that time I used babies as squid bait.Copy !req
1157. Or that other time I thought it would beCopy !req
1158. okay to let a turtle drive the boat.Copy !req
1159. But the thing is...Copy !req
1160. I mean, what I'm trying to say is...Copy !req
1161. You decided to single-handedly take on
Queen Victoria's flagship,Copy !req
1162. in order to rescue Polly.Copy !req
1163. Yes, I'm afraid I did.Copy !req
1164. That's terrifically idiotic.Copy !req
1165. Yes.Copy !req
1166. It's also the reason why me and the lads,Copy !req
1167. Well, we Still thinkCopy !req
1168. you're the best pirate on the seven sea...Copy !req
1169. Gadzooks!Copy !req
1170. No!Copy !req
1171. Polly!Copy !req
1172. Oh, no, you don't.Copy !req
1173. Captain?Copy !req
1174. Kiss your beaky little friend goodbye.Copy !req
1175. That's it, Polly. Snip-snip.Copy !req
1176. Come on, little dodo. Bitey-bite.Copy !req
1177. The dumpy lady's got Polly!Copy !req
1178. Snip-SnipCopy !req
1179. Bite it!Copy !req
1180. Bite it, you stupid bird!Copy !req
1181. Bite it!Copy !req
1182. No!Copy !req
1183. My dodo!Copy !req
1184. Polly!Copy !req
1185. My dinner!Copy !req
1186. Barnacles.Copy !req
1187. Well done, sir.Copy !req
1188. Hey!Copy !req
1189. Wah-hey, Captain!Copy !req
1190. Fair play to you, sir.Copy !req
1191. Wah-hey!Copy !req
1192. This is our most unexpectedly
heartwarming adventure ever.Copy !req
1193. You'll swing for this! Curse you!Copy !req
1194. And after you've done swinging,
I'll chop your head off!Copy !req
1195. I'll put it in a cannon and fire it into the sun!Copy !req
1196. Does that mean he's not pardoned any more?Copy !req
1197. "Pardoned"?Copy !req
1198. You'll be outlawed across the globe!Copy !req
1199. There'll be a higher price
on your head than any pirate before you!Copy !req
1200. The whole world will know your name!Copy !req
1201. Welcome back,Copy !req
1202. Captain.Copy !req
1203. - See ya!
- Bye!Copy !req
1204. Bye-bye!Copy !req
1205. Well, it's been a pleasure, Charles.Copy !req
1206. Good luck with the science.Copy !req
1207. - Thank you, Captain.
- And just a little tip,Copy !req
1208. grow yourself a beard.Copy !req
1209. It'll make your face look less lumpy.Copy !req
1210. 100,000 doubloons.Copy !req
1211. Not bad, eh, Mr Bobo?Copy !req
1212. That... I...Copy !req
1213. - Is this a bit of squid tentacle?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1214. And that's my earwax.Copy !req
1215. I keep telling you, it's never been about
the trophies or the treasure.Copy !req
1216. It's about who you are, inside.Copy !req
1217. I say, you're not...Copy !req
1218. Not a woman
disguised as a man, are you, Number Two?Copy !req
1219. No.Copy !req
1220. Because that does happen
surprisingly often at sea.Copy !req
1221. Well, come on, you coves.Copy !req
1222. Those treasure chests
won't plunder themselves.Copy !req
1223. Hoist the flag!Copy !req
1224. Ave, ave, Captain!Copy !req
1225. Set a course for adventure!Copy !req
1226. You see? I told you.Copy !req
1227. Didn't I tell you?Copy !req
1228. Just added on for decoration, my foot.Copy !req