1. - Papa, I need the bathroom!
- Come on man, get out!Copy !req
2. I like to party with my peeps
Cruise and CreepCopy !req
3. Playin' three-card montey
on these crazy streetsCopy !req
4. Straight hustler
I'm gonna scam in a minuteCopy !req
5. So low to the floor
Pick the pocket on a midgetCopy !req
6. Slick-shysta
The Pest-meisterCopy !req
7. Living life in Miami's vice
Ma, seeCopy !req
8. Nobody messes with the frog, see
Where's your Messiah nowCopy !req
9. Nice lady, I'm hurting, I'm hurting
I'm sexy but I'm hurtingCopy !req
10. All right, already I'm "ridiculiculous"
Like a booger, I stick to thisCopy !req
11. Take a whiff of this
One stinky dinkyCopy !req
12. Two stinky dinkyCopy !req
13. Voodoo Mambo
Chili CongoCopy !req
14. Old school beat meets Latin freak
And you don't stopCopy !req
15. Old school beat meets Latin freak
And you don't quit and you don't stopCopy !req
16. Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who is the slickest of them allCopy !req
17. It's the schemingest, keenest scam artist
God, it's so hard to be modest!Copy !req
18. Jack maybe nimble
but I'm a sex symbolCopy !req
19. So slick I stole the wick
from his candlestickCopy !req
20. I'm in the mood to scam
simply because I canCopy !req
21. I'm the Latin HoudiniCopy !req
22. Disappear in a flash with your cash
and I'm back like a genieCopy !req
23. Lucy, I'm home!
Don't do that to me, Lucy!Copy !req
24. Freak to the east
Freak to the westCopy !req
25. Freak big booty and big chestCopy !req
26. Yes, y'all, and it's like that!
Why, certainly!Copy !req
27. Get stupid, get retarded
'Cause Pest'll get the party startedCopy !req
28. Which way did he go, George?
Which way did he go?Copy !req
29. - Funkadocious, groovilocious atrocious
- What a maroon!Copy !req
30. What a maroon! What a freak!Copy !req
31. What a sucker-butt!Copy !req
32. I'm the man of a million disguisesCopy !req
33. I'm as crazy as they make them
or shake them or break themCopy !req
34. So scientific, hate to be specific
E=mC2Copy !req
35. Multiply, divide it, slide up inside it
blend it, mix itCopy !req
36. - Damn, I'm terrific
- Pestario!Copy !req
37. Did somebody summon me?Copy !req
38. Hello, Cleavers.Copy !req
39. Hello, June.Copy !req
40. Hello, Ward.Copy !req
41. Oh, I see Eddie Haskell is here.Copy !req
42. I'm so proud.
My son, the delivery boy.Copy !req
43. You know your mom's
birthday's coming up.Copy !req
44. What are you gonna steal
for her this year?Copy !req
45. I don't know. I haven't decideded yet.
Ma, what do you want?Copy !req
46. - Surprise me.
- I will!Copy !req
47. You know Pestario, you're just
a common hustler, man.Copy !req
48. There is nothing common
about the way I dance!Copy !req
49. Shall we?Copy !req
50. Mom!Copy !req
51. Great.Copy !req
52. That was nasty.
Look at the time.Copy !req
53. So long family of mine. I have go to work.
Love, peace and chicken grease.Copy !req
54. Good morning, Pestario.Copy !req
55. Mr. Shank, we've been searching
for hours.Copy !req
56. I don't think anyone in this
neighborhood will fulfill our 'needs'.Copy !req
57. Perhaps we should return home?Copy !req
58. You're too impatient, Leo.Copy !req
59. A good hunter must always remember...Copy !req
60. the most challenging prey is often
the most difficult to find.Copy !req
61. Ah, Father Shillelagh.
How are your Blarney stones?Copy !req
62. Pestario, I just wanted to thank you personally
for helping out at the annual church bazaar last night.Copy !req
63. - It was bizarre, wasn't it?
- Yes, it was.Copy !req
64. You know, your booth
made more money than any other.Copy !req
65. What can I say?Copy !req
66. It was impossible to knock down
those milk bottles.Copy !req
67. You don't suppose it was divine
intervention now do you?Copy !req
68. Shhh. Father, if this is the way
you keep secrets...Copy !req
69. I'm gonna save all my juicy
confessions for Father Garcia.Copy !req
70. I'll sail away now. Lucky Charms,
they're magically delicious!Copy !req
71. Bless you, my son.Copy !req
72. I think.Copy !req
73. Ah children! Such carefree exuberance.Copy !req
74. Such pure innocence at play.Copy !req
75. Those little runts.
I'll teach 'em.Copy !req
76. Hey moron, we need
one more for basketball.Copy !req
77. You're with the fat loser-boy.Copy !req
78. - Why do they call you fat loser-boy?
- I don't know, I think 'cause I'm fat and I never win.Copy !req
79. Well we're gonna change that. I mean
the part about never winning.Copy !req
80. Alright, bet your lunches.
First point wins.Copy !req
81. Alright you son of a freak, no fouls,
no calls, no outs. Aight? Check.Copy !req
82. Sucker!Copy !req
83. What? It's all your fault! If you were
a good player, maybe we would've won.Copy !req
84. We won! We won!
Give me your lunches.Copy !req
85. That'll teach you a lesson punks.
Get outta here!Copy !req
86. Don't worry kid, they'll never
call you a loser again.Copy !req
87. Thanks, mister.Copy !req
88. Hey mister, wait a minute.
I'm stuck.Copy !req
89. - Is that the Mack Daddy pimp there?
- What's up?Copy !req
90. - What's up man?
- Lunch is on me, freaks.Copy !req
91. So where is my super-scam
shell game apparatus?Copy !req
92. Come on Pest, don't doubt me.
We got it.Copy !req
93. Mad excellent, mad exc...
You know, this scam is foolproof.Copy !req
94. I'm gonna be the King of Corruption.
The Duke of Deception.Copy !req
95. Whoa. Pest, that's what you say
about all your scams.Copy !req
96. - What about your bets with the Scottish mob?
- Yeah, now you owe them $50,000.Copy !req
97. What are you guys, my accountants?Copy !req
98. For God's sake, have a little faith
in the Pest. A little faith please.Copy !req
99. I got all my bases covered.
I got all my contingencies planned for...Copy !req
100. Pest. Hey listen man,
all we're saying is that...Copy !req
101. this whole scamming thing is getting kinda dangerous.Copy !req
102. Aight, aight. If it will make my
bestest of friends feel any better...Copy !req
103. I'm going to promise I'm never, ever
going to scam again as long as I live.Copy !req
104. Yo Pest, that would be good.Copy !req
105. - I'm proud of you.
- We can stop getting you out of trouble already.Copy !req
106. Now, the key to this scam
is to convince people that I am blind.Copy !req
107. You never gonna learn man.Copy !req
108. Welcome to the festival of Miami.Copy !req
109. These people are all so... teeny!Copy !req
110. There must be
a worthy candidate here.Copy !req
111. Oh yo Pest, look man, there's Xantha over there.Copy !req
112. Hey, baby! Hey, baby!Copy !req
113. Hey Pest, we'll catch up to you later alright.Copy !req
114. Hey, baby.
How's my Nubian bucket of love?Copy !req
115. My ebony delight,
my Africanicus romanticus.Copy !req
116. Where was your sorry white,
Latin buttocks last night?Copy !req
117. Hey baby, easy with the nagging aight.Copy !req
118. You missed dinner with my
parents last night, Pest!Copy !req
119. Yeah! You missed dinner
with her parents last night, loser!Copy !req
120. Do you mind if I talk
to my girlfriend alone?Copy !req
121. Anything you have to say to me,
you can say it in front of Malaria.Copy !req
122. - Anything?
- Anything!Copy !req
123. Fine. Malaria's got mossy teeth,
dander, and a fat butt!Copy !req
124. These jeans make me look fat.Copy !req
125. No, Malaria.
Your fat butt makes you look fat.Copy !req
126. Oh baby baby, I'm sorry.Copy !req
127. There's nothing more I want to do than
spend time with my girlfriend's parents.Copy !req
128. Let's reschedule a site for tomorrow night.
Huh, curly locks?Copy !req
129. - Can't do it.
- Why not?Copy !req
130. Baby, what a dufus! What a freak!
I totally forgot...Copy !req
131. Just forget it. I'm outta here.Copy !req
132. Oh no, Xantha-poo, come on.
Come on baby.Copy !req
133. I'll skip my previous commitment, aight?Copy !req
134. Really?
And you'll come to dinner?Copy !req
135. Abso-freaking-lutely. And I'ma make your
parents fall in love with me and ask me to marry you.Copy !req
136. - How to gonna do that?
- I'ma tell 'em you're pregnant.Copy !req
137. - What?
- He's gonna tell 'em you're pregnant.Copy !req
138. What? Yo Pest-man, we gotta go. Sorry.Copy !req
139. Alright. Love, peace and chicken grease.
Baby I love...Copy !req
140. Bye, honey.Copy !req
141. - You're pregnant?
- Oh Malaria.Copy !req
142. Step right up.Copy !req
143. Money is flying right out of my pocket.
Lets play the lucky coconut shell game.Copy !req
144. There's a winner born every minute.Copy !req
145. Yo man, I got $20 that says
I can find that ball.Copy !req
146. Okay people, we've got a taker.
Come on.Copy !req
147. I cross my hand, I fool the man, the rich
man, the poor man, but not the policeman.Copy !req
148. Ok, which shell is it under? Its up to you
to tell me because I'm blind.Copy !req
149. Hey soccer boy, come here.
Yeah, you, I'm talking to you.Copy !req
150. - Oh, there you are.
- If you're blind, how'd you catch the ball?Copy !req
151. Telepathy. You lose one sense,
you gain another. Huh, ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
152. - So how did you know I was man?
- I could hear your gonads shaking.Copy !req
153. You know, you should really
wear more support, shorty.Copy !req
154. Maybe, maybe.
Ja, that's more like it.Copy !req
155. That is the specimen I want.Copy !req
156. Find out all you can about him, and I'll
make the necessary preparations.Copy !req
157. Yes, Mr. Shank.Copy !req
158. Oh! What a pathetic choice.Copy !req
159. Which shell is it under? Ha.Copy !req
160. Sorry, sucker, you lose.Copy !req
161. No, you lose, brah!Copy !req
162. Did I hear something fall?Copy !req
163. Knock, knock. Who's there?Copy !req
164. We work for Angus.
Are you Pest Vargas?Copy !req
165. Are you the doctor?Copy !req
166. Oh my, Grandma,
what large pores you have.Copy !req
167. Definitely not a plastic surgeon,
that's for sure.Copy !req
168. Oh, my God, you're hideous.
Repulsive, even!Copy !req
169. And you have a lump!
You poor misshapen creature!Copy !req
170. Well we can still profit from your misfortune.Copy !req
171. Step right up folks! For $1, take a picture
with a freak Elephant Man in a kilt!Copy !req
172. Get him!Copy !req
173. Do something! You know the karate!Copy !req
174. Angus wants his money.Copy !req
175. You wouldn't hit a blind man,
would you?Copy !req
176. How do you feel about asthmatics?
I can't breathe!Copy !req
177. Emotionally-challenged people?Copy !req
178. What about epileptics, huh?
Hold my tongue!Copy !req
179. - Get 'em Bruce!
- You guys are in trouble now.Copy !req
180. - Chubby and I will take care of them!
- Chubby and I?Copy !req
181. Let's air our differences, fellas.Copy !req
182. My favorite delivery boy.Copy !req
183. What happened to you?
You late!Copy !req
184. Me love you long time, me so horny...Copy !req
185. Wait. Why I don't understand
any of your Chinese?Copy !req
186. I from south. Is a different dialect.
Right? Everybody know that. Different dialect.Copy !req
187. So am I. I am from south, too.Copy !req
188. Yeah but I from far, far, far, far south!Copy !req
189. Eat some grits, y'all.
Okay, okay, okay.Copy !req
190. Wherever you come from,
you late for last time.Copy !req
191. You know, you don't look Chinese. You look like
Moe from Three Stooges. I fire your ass.Copy !req
192. Oh please, give me another chance! Give me another chance!
I'll never do it again, I promise.Copy !req
193. You don't know the troubles I've seen!
I gotta sick grandmother.Copy !req
194. Listen, I've got a good excuse this time.
Listen to this. Listen to this...Copy !req
195. I was taking a walk with my pet dog...Copy !req
196. Duck. My pet duck!Copy !req
197. When he ranned off on me and
I was about to...Copy !req
198. Oh, my God!Copy !req
199. Quacky! Quacky!
What have they dided to you?Copy !req
200. - Which one is he?
- I-I don't know.Copy !req
201. Oh god, they all... they all look the same!Copy !req
202. I'll have to hate to call my lawyer
and tell him I can't find my Quacky.Copy !req
203. Lawyer?Copy !req
204. This must be Quacky,
with that sweet little smile.Copy !req
205. Gimme that!Copy !req
206. Poor little Quacky. Don't worry, I'm gonna bury
you in France just like you always wanted.Copy !req
207. - You kill Quacky?
- No, no! I, I... I might have.Copy !req
208. - But why? Why.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.Copy !req
209. I loved little Quacky.Copy !req
210. - Mr. Cheung?
- Yes.Copy !req
211. - Mr. Cheung, can I talk to you?
- Yes. Yes, yes.Copy !req
212. - Can I talk to you over here?
- Yes, YesCopy !req
213. - No over here?
- Okay.Copy !req
214. - Can I use your office phone?
- You're not calling your lawyer?Copy !req
215. Not yet.Copy !req
216. First I have to call my family
and tell them about...Copy !req
217. About Quacky.Copy !req
218. Yes, of course, of course.Copy !req
219. Don't worry, I take care of you.
Anything you need, just let me know.Copy !req
220. - Okay, there is one thing.
- Yes?Copy !req
221. - Quacky always wanted to be served extra-crispy.
- YesCopy !req
222. - Could you do that?
- No problem.Copy !req
223. No MSG? An extra order of rice?
Thank you.Copy !req
224. You're very welcome. Don't worry
my boy, okay? I take care of you.Copy !req
225. You're wonderful.
Really.Copy !req
226. Hello.Copy !req
227. Angusie?Copy !req
228. You rapscallion, you!
You naughty man, you!Copy !req
229. I'm hurted you sent ruffians after me.
I was gonna surprise you with a check!Copy !req
230. You listen up. You've owed $50,000
for three weeks!Copy !req
231. You'd show more respect
if we were the Italian mob.Copy !req
232. Oh please, don't start again.Copy !req
233. Just because we're Scottish,
people don't take us seriously.Copy !req
234. But people are finally gonna take us
seriously when they see what we do to you.Copy !req
235. Angusie, homeinsky!
All I just need is time.Copy !req
236. Do you know what day it is today?Copy !req
237. The first day of the rest
of our lives?Copy !req
238. Sean Connery's birthday?Copy !req
239. Sean Connery's birthday?Copy !req
240. Listen. Today is Monday.Copy !req
241. I want all the money you owe me by Wednesday
or I'm going to kill your whole family.Copy !req
242. How 'bout Thursday,
and you just take out a Cousin?Copy !req
243. Oh, bad connection.Copy !req
244. I... bring... you... the... cash...
I can't...Copy !req
245. Whatever.Copy !req
246. Extra-crispy.
Just like you wanted.Copy !req
247. My poor Quacky.Copy !req
248. My poor Quacky.
Can I get extra plum sauce?Copy !req
249. You have no time for this. You have delivery
to do! Go, go, go, go, go! Hurry up!Copy !req
250. Plum sauce!Copy !req
251. Soon I shall return...Copy !req
252. to the glorious dank splendor
of the homeland...Copy !req
253. and be away from
all this nauseating pastel.Copy !req
254. Excuse me, Mr Shank.Copy !req
255. Your Chinese food has arrived.Copy !req
256. Yummy! Where?Copy !req
257. Got it, got it, got it!Copy !req
258. What is that?Copy !req
259. That's the one you requested, you know?
The blind Latino.Copy !req
260. I most certainly did not!
I wanted the athletic Latino!Copy !req
261. - But you pointed at him.
- But why would I pick a blind man?Copy !req
262. Sir, he's not really blind.
He's a scam artist.Copy !req
263. A very fast and agile one.Copy !req
264. Mr. Vargas here runs numbers out of his
Chinese restaurant, but unfortunately...Copy !req
265. some of his own bets
turned sour.Copy !req
266. - How sour?
- He owes the Scottish mob $50,000.Copy !req
267. I didn't know there was
a Scottish mob!Copy !req
268. If he doesn't pay in two days,
they'll kill him.Copy !req
269. - Hello!
- Hi!Copy !req
270. Just doing our complementary MSG test.
Everything seems to pass inspection, Mr. Man.Copy !req
271. That's $52.23 for the food...Copy !req
272. $100 delivery charge 'cause we don't
normally come out to this neighborhood, aight.Copy !req
273. Why is that?
You afraid of white people?Copy !req
274. 'Cause you all carry diseases
my people don't have immunities for.Copy !req
275. Perhaps you're just being paranoid.Copy !req
276. Dag, could you back off?Copy !req
277. You spit when you talk.
I'm susceptible to airborne syphilises and what not.Copy !req
278. "Pest." Is that your name...Copy !req
279. or a personality trait?Copy !req
280. My real name is
Pestario Rivera Garcia Espinoza...Copy !req
281. Juan Marcos Neruda Salsa Picante Vargas.Copy !req
282. But you can call me Pestario.
Pest, for shorter.Copy !req
283. Now we're even.Copy !req
284. What is a Latin boy doing
delivering Chinese food?Copy !req
285. Chinese food?Copy !req
286. Oh, my God!Copy !req
287. The MSG, the chopsticks,
the disappearing dogs!Copy !req
288. Now it all makes sense. And I just thought
they were eccentric Mexicans.Copy !req
289. What a fool! What a...
What a sucker-butt!Copy !req
290. Oh, a hot wench!
Yeah, baby!Copy !req
291. That's my wife!Copy !req
292. Oops! My bad.Copy !req
293. Sorry.Copy !req
294. - You know, I saw you earlier today on the street.
- You did?Copy !req
295. Course, you probably didn't see me
because you were blind, at the time.Copy !req
296. So you unearthed my horrible secret.Copy !req
297. I am blind! I am!Copy !req
298. I am blind!Copy !req
299. I've been blind
to other people's faults.Copy !req
300. Please don't tell! I was going
to become dumpling boy next week.Copy !req
301. Why isn't a smart boy like you...Copy !req
302. in college?Copy !req
303. Well it's a little
painful to discuss really.Copy !req
304. I hit puberty in the first grade,
and there's only so many times...Copy !req
305. a seven-year-old can be called "fire hose"
before he cracks, you know what I mean?Copy !req
306. You know, that's really too bad because, you know
my family provides...Copy !req
307. a $50,000 cash scholarship...Copy !req
308. to minority students,
and I thought, perhaps...Copy !req
309. - $50,000?
- Yeah.Copy !req
310. - $50,000?
- Yup, that's it.Copy !req
311. Well look at that. Look at that.
Will you touch it? Look at that.Copy !req
312. The fire hose is gone!
It's a miracle.Copy !req
313. Hallelujah! Praise be the Lord!
I want to learn! I want to go to school!Copy !req
314. - You do?
- Yes.Copy !req
315. Oh good! I'm so glad you're so eager!Copy !req
316. Let us celebrate, all right?Copy !req
317. Here.Copy !req
318. Of course, you know, I have to administer
a few small tests before you qualify.Copy !req
319. Tests?Copy !req
320. Hey, yo, can I get one of these tables
in my dorm room?Copy !req
321. Turn it up!
This is fun. Come on.Copy !req
322. All right, Leo...Copy !req
323. crank it up.Copy !req
324. Yeah!Copy !req
325. Wait a minute, um...Copy !req
326. I don't feel so well.Copy !req
327. I feel kind of...Copy !req
328. You will do as many repetitions
as you can manage in one minute. Go!Copy !req
329. One.Copy !req
330. Are you ready?Copy !req
331. Okay, I wasn't ready.
Lets try it again.Copy !req
332. Okay, try one more time.Copy !req
333. He's the worst candidate
we have ever had.Copy !req
334. I will show you the shot that won me
the reform school championship...Copy !req
335. and the tag "8-Ball Kid."Copy !req
336. I'm sorry.
I'm awful sorry.Copy !req
337. But I know you don't care 'cause you guys
are the greatest! You German people...Copy !req
338. Next time that somebody says the
Germans are humorless people...Copy !req
339. I'm gonna tell them to come
to this house. Aight, aight?Copy !req
340. Pest, I have to tell you...Copy !req
341. So you started a few wars,
aight?Copy !req
342. So you actually started every war. I mean,
who's counting? It's not like you ever won one, right?Copy !req
343. We kicked France's ass.Copy !req
344. Oh please! And who doesn't,
right? Who doesn't?Copy !req
345. Pest, your scores were so abysmal that...Copy !req
346. And your women! Your women.
So you dig fat chicks.Copy !req
347. What do the rest of us care?
We don't have to touch them right?Copy !req
348. It's like riding a moped. It's fun till your friends
catch you doing it, right? Don't tell me that laughing boy...Copy !req
349. You failed test!Copy !req
350. You lost the scholarship.
You can't go.Copy !req
351. Stop repeating what I'm saying.Copy !req
352. I mean it!Copy !req
353. All right, okay!Copy !req
354. You're the ideal candidate
for the scholarship.Copy !req
355. I am? I am? Oh, snap! Oh, joy!Copy !req
356. Get stupid. Get ooh-eh! Get eh-eh.Copy !req
357. I can't think of anything I would rather
do before returning to the homeland...Copy !req
358. than ridding the earth
of this creature!Copy !req
359. Go get the contract.Copy !req
360. Oh Pest, time to sign the contract.Copy !req
361. Sign there on the dotted line.
Right there.Copy !req
362. I took a legal correspondence course
and I'm only two credits away.Copy !req
363. And I don't know what's all this stuff
about? death is.Copy !req
364. Just legal mumbo-jumbo.Copy !req
365. Aight, aight.Copy !req
366. Just sign.Copy !req
367. What's all this stuff about "I waive
my legal rights'" and what not?Copy !req
368. Now some kid sued us last year over
a stubbed toe, so we had to add it.Copy !req
369. - Just sign.
- Aight.Copy !req
370. What's all this stuff about...Copy !req
371. - Okay, so you don't want the $50,000.
- I do want the $50,000.Copy !req
372. - College is a big commitment.
- I should be committed.Copy !req
373. - We'll give it to someone else.
- No, give it to me.Copy !req
374. - I want it!
- Forget it!Copy !req
375. Perhaps a toast?Copy !req
376. I'm in like sin.Copy !req
377. Now, we have a little tradition...Copy !req
378. That all the winners join me for a little
gentlemanly hunt on my private island.Copy !req
379. Oh goody. What're we gonna hunt?Copy !req
380. - Deer.
- Goose.Copy !req
381. - Goose.
- Deer.Copy !req
382. Deergoose.Copy !req
383. - Ja. Deergoose.
- JaCopy !req
384. We hunt a deergoose.
It's...Copy !req
385. - Indigenous.
- Indigenous to my island.Copy !req
386. To the hunt!Copy !req
387. Sorry.Copy !req
388. Yo, come on. Hurry up!Copy !req
389. I can't wait to bag me a deergoose!Copy !req
390. I hear the meat's a delicacy. Nobody fricassees
like I fricassee boy, I fricassee it silly.Copy !req
391. - I'm going to kill him right now!
- Sir, remember, the joy of the hunt.Copy !req
392. - Yo can I fly it? Can I fly it?
- No, just, just sit down and be quiet, okay?Copy !req
393. Yo, you can't talk to me like that,
I'm a scholarship...Copy !req
394. No, no, no, you gotta keep the
concentration here for the pilot.Copy !req
395. He's the pilot?Copy !req
396. 23,099 bottles of beer on the wallCopy !req
397. 23,099 bottles of beer on the wall
Take one down, pass it around...Copy !req
398. - There's the island.
- We made it!Copy !req
399. At last! We're there!Copy !req
400. So you'll let me fly? Come on!Copy !req
401. There's so many buttons.
How do you know which one's the one?Copy !req
402. Mr. Vargas, you can change
for the hunt in the study.Copy !req
403. Thank you very much.Copy !req
404. Try not to break anything.Copy !req
405. "The United States of Germany."Copy !req
406. Somebody's a sore loser.Copy !req
407. Books! I love to read.Copy !req
408. "The Rise and Fall
of The Third Reich."Copy !req
409. "Mein Kampf."Copy !req
410. "Sex Be Nimble,
Sex Be Quick."Copy !req
411. You speak German?Copy !req
412. So you're the new scholarship student?Copy !req
413. - You know, I'm just here for the traditional hunt, then I'm off to Harvard.
- You really believe that?Copy !req
414. Well you know, I would settle for Yale, but...Copy !req
415. I love Boston in the spring.Copy !req
416. Rowing on the Charles.
Gathering leaves in the quad.Copy !req
417. The color wars.Copy !req
418. Norman, is that you?Copy !req
419. My father tells you you're going
to college and you believe him?Copy !req
420. Oh, snap. You're Shank Junior, huh?Copy !req
421. My name is Himmel.Copy !req
422. I mean, hi, Himmel.Copy !req
423. Your father seems like a great guy
for a disturbed individual.Copy !req
424. No offense.
But I trust him.Copy !req
425. What makes you think he would tell you
the truth when I am his own son...Copy !req
426. and he's been lying to me
his entire life?Copy !req
427. Well, it seems like the two of you
have some issues to work out.Copy !req
428. Well you know, I'm just going to go outside
and get some fresh air...Copy !req
429. Do you know what he did to me
when I was a child?Copy !req
430. No, but it seems like a great story.
Why don't we get Leo and tell him?Copy !req
431. He would lock me in a room
with a boa constrictor...Copy !req
432. and tell me I couldn't get out
until I killed it.Copy !req
433. Well you know, the important thing is that you
got out and you're fine. You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
434. He kept me in that room for six weeks!Copy !req
435. But look at the wonderful
complexion you have.Copy !req
436. Don't be afraid.
I loved that snake.Copy !req
437. You share too much.Copy !req
438. Help.Copy !req
439. So, umm, tell me, uhh,
what was your snake's name?Copy !req
440. Cocteau.Copy !req
441. Cocteau?Copy !req
442. Like the French playwright?Copy !req
443. After my two favorite body parts.Copy !req
444. Red light, green light, one, two, three!Copy !req
445. Red light, green light, one, two, three!Copy !req
446. - Red light, green light, one, two, three!
- You're it.Copy !req
447. Gustav! Gustav! Hi!Copy !req
448. Now we are locked in together,
just like me and snake.Copy !req
449. Oh, great!
Just great.Copy !req
450. Look, cute boy.Copy !req
451. - Umm, you seem like a reasonable type.
- Don't flatter me!Copy !req
452. Okay, you have a big nose, your feet stink,
and your mother dresses you funny.Copy !req
453. There is no scholarship.Copy !req
454. You are only here because my
father wants to hunt you.Copy !req
455. My God, you'll say anything,
won't you?Copy !req
456. Now, how do you sound
your father wanting to hunt me?Copy !req
457. Why would he give me this fancy deergoose's
hunting outfit, if he wanted to hunt me?Copy !req
458. - Explain yourself.
- I can protect you.Copy !req
459. Wait! Don't go!Copy !req
460. Oh, you play!Copy !req
461. Listen, I just met your insance, crazy, freak of a son.Copy !req
462. Listen, I just met your insance, crazy, freak of a son.Copy !req
463. No offense, alright.Copy !req
464. But he maded up, the wackest story about you
wanting to hunt me. Can you believe that?Copy !req
465. Ridiculous, isn't it?Copy !req
466. Can you imagine the demons that kid's
working out? You hunting people?Copy !req
467. My God. It would almost be funny,
you know, if it wasn't so...Copy !req
468. If it wasn't so...Copy !req
469. This is the most disgusting thing...Copy !req
470. I have ever seen.Copy !req
471. Those heads haven't been dusted
in months!Copy !req
472. I'm just going to get a nice, little, wet rag
and I'll be right back. Bye bye.Copy !req
473. I don't wanna die!
I'm too young!Copy !req
474. Get off me, you big freakozoid!
Come on...Copy !req
475. Want a piece of me?
Get a piece of me.Copy !req
476. My springbok pelt!Copy !req
477. I'm sorry. I couldn't make it
to the newspaper.Copy !req
478. - I bagged this on my ninth birthday.
- He was a prodigy.Copy !req
479. By the time I was 30, I had hunted
nearly every animal there was to be hunted.Copy !req
480. Yeah? Well you won't be so cocky
when I report you to the ASPCA!Copy !req
481. - I was bored.
- Bored, sir?Copy !req
482. Ja, all right, so I was depressed!
I needed a challenge.Copy !req
483. Well have you tried Parcheesi?
It is a game of skill as well as chance.Copy !req
484. Here on this island, I've successfully hunted
every ethnicity of human except one.Copy !req
485. My God! Haven't the Jewish people
suffered enough?Copy !req
486. You are Puerto Rican, aren't you?Copy !req
487. What, me? Oh, no.Copy !req
488. I am French!Copy !req
489. Look at me. I'm brooding,
yet craving rich sauces.Copy !req
490. You are next, Mr. Vargas.Copy !req
491. But I break out when I'm shellacked.Copy !req
492. And what's more embarrassing
than a zitty head on the wall?Copy !req
493. And besides...Copy !req
494. I'm gonna make a nasty face,
and I'm gonna destroy your display.Copy !req
495. If you survive for 24 hours,
you get your $50,000.Copy !req
496. $50,000?Copy !req
497. Oh my God!
Why didn't you say so?Copy !req
498. Hunt away, great white hunter!Copy !req
499. Hunt a...Copy !req
500. Hunt away.Copy !req
501. And if you don't, it's the shelf.Copy !req
502. Father, I don't want to participate
in this. I think it's wrong.Copy !req
503. You have to learn sometime.Copy !req
504. Why would I ever have to learn
how to hunt people?Copy !req
505. The hunt is just a metaphor...Copy !req
506. for the glorious cycle
of endless life and rebirth.Copy !req
507. And remember, always, always,
always shoot him in the brain.Copy !req
508. - I hate you.
- Shut up.Copy !req
509. I'm getting more tea.Copy !req
510. Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse me, but... AH!Copy !req
511. Why do I have to look like
something outta "Jungle Book"...Copy !req
512. and you guys all get the nice
Banana Republic stuff?Copy !req
513. Does that seem fair to you?Copy !req
514. I thought you'd like it.
It's the costume of your ancient, ancestor people.Copy !req
515. - My what?
- I think it adds a nice element of theatre to the whole occassion.Copy !req
516. Oh no, you stay out of this snake boy, aight.Copy !req
517. Look, I just want to get some of those boots, I want some of
those khakis, and then I want some turtlenecks and some...Copy !req
518. You guys have guns.
That's not fair.Copy !req
519. I'm not going to play. I'm not playing till
I get something. No, I can't hear you.Copy !req
520. - This is it?
- Yeah!Copy !req
521. - This is it?
- All yours!Copy !req
522. Oh, well, well, well. Why don't we just get
a candlestick and we can all play Clue?Copy !req
523. I'll be Colonel Mustard.
You be Mrs. Peacock.Copy !req
524. First we start with
a traditional toast.Copy !req
525. To you, Mr. Vargas. Good luck.Copy !req
526. And good luck to you, too.Copy !req
527. Well actually, I take that back.
I hope you don't do well at all.Copy !req
528. Now that I think about it, I hope you get
violated by pig-monkey men in the woods.Copy !req
529. All right, now I've got the upper hand gentlemen.
What's to keep me from shooting you right now?Copy !req
530. Other than that.Copy !req
531. What are you doing?Copy !req
532. Your 24 hours have begun. Go.Copy !req
533. - I have one thing to add, aight.
- What is it?Copy !req
534. I lieded on the form. I'm not
the perfect specimen I appear to be.Copy !req
535. I have, I have the public school gypsy curse.
Stuttering dyslexia.Copy !req
536. I b-bead r-rackwards.Copy !req
537. I g-get mords wixed up.Copy !req
538. I'm narcoleptic.Copy !req
539. And you are?
See? See?Copy !req
540. I have Tourette's, Tourette's!Copy !req
541. Yes, nice German, nice. Freak! Weirdo!
Freak! Freak!Copy !req
542. Ow! Ow! Those things don't grow on trees, huh!Copy !req
543. I'ma scared of you! I'll come back
when you're feeling a little better.Copy !req
544. Think, Pest. Think, think, think!
Think, old buddy.Copy !req
545. Come on, your people came from the rain forest, for God's sakes.
You must've inherited some of their survival skills.Copy !req
546. Okay! Now I'm nice and limber.Copy !req
547. That's more like it.Copy !req
548. My animalistical instincts
are finally kicking in.Copy !req
549. Himmel, when we find him,
I want you to make the kill.Copy !req
550. I don't want to make the kill.Copy !req
551. I want to be a hairdresser,
write musicals.Copy !req
552. - What?
- Oh you'd love it if it were true.Copy !req
553. You'd tell all your friends about your hairdresser
son who sits around all day listening to Merman.Copy !req
554. Will you look at the
size of that snake?Copy !req
555. You and your snake obsession!Copy !req
556. If you don't like my obsession, then maybe you shouldn't
have locked me in a room with a snake for six weeks.Copy !req
557. Are you on that again?Copy !req
558. Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to bore you
with the defining trauma of my life.Copy !req
559. It's not dry enough.Copy !req
560. I can never please him.Copy !req
561. Something is wrong.Copy !req
562. What could be wrong?
We're hunting a human being.Copy !req
563. Other fathers take their sons
to baseball games, but no, you...Copy !req
564. Tell it to Ricky Lake.Copy !req
565. I can see it now. "Nazi Fathers
and Their Snake-Obsessed Sons."Copy !req
566. Aha... what is this?Copy !req
567. Get me down.Copy !req
568. Oh! This Pest is good.Copy !req
569. - Get me down!
- Oh! Don't be such a sissy!Copy !req
570. I don't know if you've noticed lately
father, but I am a sissy!Copy !req
571. - What you doin'?
- Putting you out of your misery.Copy !req
572. Come on.Copy !req
573. - Do you hear that moaning?
- It's me.Copy !req
574. No no, the other moaning.Copy !req
575. My stomach is funky.Copy !req
576. Thank God for some privacy, yo.Copy !req
577. - My back hurts from where the tree hit me.
- Quiet.Copy !req
578. "Whether 'tis nobler in the mind...Copy !req
579. to suffer the slings and arrows...Copy !req
580. of outrageous fortune..."Copy !req
581. Shoo, scat. Shoo, shoo.Copy !req
582. What? I can't concentrate
when I'm being watcheded.Copy !req
583. Of course I farted. What, do you think
I smell like this all the time?Copy !req
584. What's that smell?Copy !req
585. Look. There.Copy !req
586. My horoscope.Copy !req
587. "Beware of strangers offering...Copy !req
588. phony scholarships."Copy !req
589. Guess I'll have to use my socks.
At least they're cottony soft.Copy !req
590. I want you to take him out.Copy !req
591. Why me?Copy !req
592. I want you to experience
the utter ecstasy that comes...Copy !req
593. from feeling the hot, throbbing force
of a man's life...Copy !req
594. when it's in your hands.Copy !req
595. - I'm sold, poison darts?
- Perfect.Copy !req
596. Just a second. Oops.Copy !req
597. Himmel!Copy !req
598. What a mess!Copy !req
599. The explosion blew him
right out of his sneakers.Copy !req
600. Well it looks like your hunt is over.Copy !req
601. I'm going back to the house
before I miss Hogan's Heroes.Copy !req
602. He's alive.Copy !req
603. Colonel Hogan, would you do us the honor
of joining us for dinner tonight?Copy !req
604. Colonel Baker is going to
tell us the truth...Copy !req
605. about the German army's glorious
Campaign on the Russian front.Copy !req
606. Why kill all your appetites?Copy !req
607. Pest, you're supposed to be dead!Copy !req
608. I can't.Copy !req
609. I won't.Copy !req
610. I shouldn't.Copy !req
611. All right, I will.Copy !req
612. - You've got to be quiet.
- You! You!Copy !req
613. You tried to hunt me.Copy !req
614. Get back!Copy !req
615. What is that? What you trying
to do, perfume me to death?Copy !req
616. These are sex secretion pheromones.Copy !req
617. Father uses them to lure
horny animals into traps.Copy !req
618. Here. Watch the tape.Copy !req
619. This is disgusting.Copy !req
620. I'm gonna take some of these
for my girlfriend.Copy !req
621. She hates when I go away
and don't bring her nothing.Copy !req
622. They only work on males.
Can I fix you one?Copy !req
623. No, you've done enough for one day.Copy !req
624. So you're still mad that we
tried to cut your head off?Copy !req
625. I'm not mad.
Do I look mad to you?Copy !req
626. Look, Himmy-Poo. I know you're not into
all this Wild Kingdom kind of stuff, okay.Copy !req
627. So why don't you and I
escape back to Miami...Copy !req
628. And get away from your crazy, ugly,
psychotic father, no offense...Copy !req
629. and you and I will play
snakey-wakey whenever you want to.Copy !req
630. Really?Copy !req
631. C-Certainly.Copy !req
632. - Come on, we'll take your father's speedboat.
- I get seasick.Copy !req
633. You'll be fine.Copy !req
634. I told you, I get seasick.Copy !req
635. Well, no duh!Copy !req
636. - Check out all those seagulls, what're they doing?
- They've come to eat your vomit.Copy !req
637. Will you stop that?Copy !req
638. Fine. But I'd watch out
for those seagullses if I was you.Copy !req
639. Why?Copy !req
640. - I'll be leaving now.
- It stings.Copy !req
641. I'm blind!Copy !req
642. Pest, where'd you go?Copy !req
643. Pest! My father's gonna kill me!Copy !req
644. You don't know what the hell
you're talking about man.Copy !req
645. Let me tell you something, you know the
reputation about Latino men, right?Copy !req
646. They didn't have any Latino man
on the show because everybody knows...Copy !req
647. that he would be having his way
with Ginger, Mary Ann, Mrs. Howell...Copy !req
648. and the Professor, if the mood hit 'em Chubby.Copy !req
649. Okay, alright, well then let me ask you a question.
If you had to choose, who would you pick?Copy !req
650. Mary Ann or Ginger?Copy !req
651. Ginger. No contest.Copy !req
652. - Pest, is that you, man?
- Are you all right?Copy !req
653. What happened?Copy !req
654. I can't go on.Copy !req
655. Must have dry land. Must have...
Oh, dry land!Copy !req
656. - Yo, you okay Pest?
- What happened?Copy !req
657. What happened? Oh my God!Copy !req
658. The room is spinning!Copy !req
659. What happened? What happened?
I'll tell you what happened.Copy !req
660. Contract.
"I want to hunt you."Copy !req
661. Teni un, una son.
"Pet my snake."Copy !req
662. "Playmate, come out and play."
Seagulls!Copy !req
663. He made doody-doody en el ojo. It was horrible.
Don't let them take me back. Don't let them take me back!Copy !req
664. What are you saying man?
What are you saying?Copy !req
665. Listen, listen, listen. Maybe, maybe you should just
go take a swim in the pool. It'll help you relax.Copy !req
666. - Trust me.
- A swim?Copy !req
667. - A splash.
- Obviously, you haven't been listening to what I'm saying!Copy !req
668. I've been swimming for five hours!
What don't you understand?Copy !req
669. Maybe one lap?Copy !req
670. Then there were 20 of them.
Did I say 20? I meant an army.Copy !req
671. Hey man, don't be faking jacks to these girls man.Copy !req
672. - There's no scammification going on here, Chub.
- Yo Pest, you're not being hunted, alright.Copy !req
673. - I am too being hunted.
- Are not.Copy !req
674. - Am too.
- Am not.Copy !req
675. See? See? I told you.
I am being hunted.Copy !req
676. Give up, Pest!
There's nowhere to hide.Copy !req
677. Thank the Lord, he's here to
kill me! He's here to kill me!Copy !req
678. Oh snap. Run! Run!Copy !req
679. Man, that guy's psycho.
Why is he after you Pest?Copy !req
680. I don't know, Chub.
Must be my animal magnetism.Copy !req
681. Get in man, hurry up. Let's go, let's go!
Come on, let's get the hell out of here.Copy !req
682. I told you I was being hunted.
But would you believe me? No.Copy !req
683. - Because no one ever believes me.
- Alright, alright Pest, we believe you. Now who's got the plan?Copy !req
684. - Okay, okay, I got the master plan, I got the master plan.
- Kick it.Copy !req
685. - Remember my cousin Roger?
- The mad fool?Copy !req
686. The mad cool guy. We could go to
his place and lay low till the morning.Copy !req
687. - Ill, perfect. I can't.
- What?Copy !req
688. We just gotta make one, stupid, meaningless,
you won't even notice, kind of stop, aight.Copy !req
689. Where, Pest?Copy !req
690. No place special. You know...
Xantha's.Copy !req
691. - Pest, what the hell's wrong with you man?
- I'm in love.Copy !req
692. Pest, I'm pretty sure her
parents are gonna understand...Copy !req
693. if you just explain to them that tonight's
not a good night 'cause you're being hunted.Copy !req
694. - Yo, they're black. They'll understand.
- Oh yeah?Copy !req
695. Yo, what's up, freak?Copy !req
696. Yo Baby, it's me.Copy !req
697. Yeah, you better recognize, baby.
Come on, don't act like you don't know...Copy !req
698. Yo, Mrs. Kent. I'm not sweating you none, baby,
but you're one fine heifer, yo hootchy-baby.Copy !req
699. What's up, Daddy Mack, Mack Daddy?
You won't even feel a black play, you know what I'm sayin?Copy !req
700. Kill whitey. Free Angela Davis.
Say it loud. "Be black and be proud."Copy !req
701. - Yes, Lord! Yes, Lord!
- Why don't we, why don't we go into the dining room?Copy !req
702. That boy's on drugs.
Who's Angela Davis?Copy !req
703. All the cars you could get,
why did you pick this one?Copy !req
704. I thought you'd like it.
It's German.Copy !req
705. Did you ever hear of BMW, idiot?Copy !req
706. I'm sorry I can never please you!Copy !req
707. Shh. I'm getting something.
Here, have a look.Copy !req
708. The tracking device I placed in
his underwear seems to be working.Copy !req
709. Why does Leo get
all the good jobs?Copy !req
710. We have a fix on him, sir.
Go west!Copy !req
711. What's with
the African getup?Copy !req
712. All this is for you, Baby.
Xantha-poo.Copy !req
713. I'm trying to impressify
your parents.Copy !req
714. Wait, does it scare you that I arouse
the unsettling passions of the Dark Continent?Copy !req
715. It scares me that
you're wearing a dress to dinner.Copy !req
716. Oh my God, this is nothing compared
to my morning ensemble.Copy !req
717. How about a little kiss?
Come on, suck face.Copy !req
718. Well, I've prepared
an authentic Cuban meal.Copy !req
719. Platanos e frijos los negros.Copy !req
720. Why Cuban?Copy !req
721. Do I look Cuban to you? Do these
look like Cuban features to you, do they?Copy !req
722. What does a brother have to do to
get some respect around here, biatch?Copy !req
723. You know, I'm this close to rioting. This close.
If I wasn't so hungry, I'd leave.Copy !req
724. Will you pass me
the platanos, please?Copy !req
725. Something's gone wrong
with the location tracker.Copy !req
726. It seems to be overheating.Copy !req
727. Honey, are you all right?
You're dripping wet.Copy !req
728. It's from being next to you, baby.
I'm burning up with passion.Copy !req
729. You know what I'm saying, right?Copy !req
730. - Oh come on, don't act like you haven't been there dawg.
- Not lately.Copy !req
731. I think it's burning out.Copy !req
732. That bastard's gonads are sweating.Copy !req
733. Well boost the power! Boost the power!Copy !req
734. I'm burnin' up!Copy !req
735. I told the guy at Africans 'R' Us
that I wanted summerweight robes.Copy !req
736. Drugs.Copy !req
737. It burns! Oh, my God, it burns!
It's burning!Copy !req
738. It burns!Copy !req
739. That boy's got syphilis!Copy !req
740. Don't be cruel!
Get 'em off me!Copy !req
741. If you was abducted
by a space alien chick...Copy !req
742. would you or would you not
have your way with her?Copy !req
743. Before it cut off,
the signal came from this house.Copy !req
744. I'm going in there.
You two stay here.Copy !req
745. Here, Mr. Shank,
I have prepared a dosage...Copy !req
746. which will immediately
render him unconscious.Copy !req
747. Then, we can take him with us...Copy !req
748. und at our leisure,
cut off his head.Copy !req
749. Ah Leo, you're a saint.Copy !req
750. Be careful, sir.Copy !req
751. These Volkswagens are smaller
than they used to be.Copy !req
752. Check it out.Copy !req
753. She's got the body parts
of a hot Earth woman.Copy !req
754. Fear not, the Pest line
shall continue.Copy !req
755. My childrens
have been saveded.Copy !req
756. Yeah!Copy !req
757. That'll teach me not to spring for extra-strength
fungus spray. You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
758. Look, man.
Look over there.Copy !req
759. That's Colonel Klink!Copy !req
760. And he's climbing through
Xantha's window, man!Copy !req
761. Wait right here man. I'll be right back.Copy !req
762. Karate time.Copy !req
763. Mrs. Kent, my sister.Copy !req
764. Let me explain the origins
of my blackness one more time.Copy !req
765. My Spanish ancestors came and
had sex with my Indian ancestors.Copy !req
766. And then they had sex
with my black ancestors.Copy !req
767. Who then had more sex
with the Indians.Copy !req
768. And there's rumor that somebody
slept with a Jew. Fancy that!Copy !req
769. Mrs. Kent, it's kosher. It's all right.
He was an Ethiopian Jew.Copy !req
770. I can't find my pills anywhere!Copy !req
771. You know how white people's food
gives me gas!Copy !req
772. What happened?Copy !req
773. What did you do to my family?Copy !req
774. I don't know. I mentioned that I might
be prone to celebrate Rosh Hashanah...Copy !req
775. and, bam, prejudice rears
its ugly, little head again!Copy !req
776. Oh, I see, you're gonna try
and kill me. Try it, because I'm...Copy !req
777. Could I do that again? I was looking
through the wrong thingy.Copy !req
778. You're a pretty lousy shot
for a criminal.Copy !req
779. Hello.Copy !req
780. Any more surprises?Copy !req
781. Don't!Copy !req
782. I really hate you.Copy !req
783. Let's just get
this little game over, shall we?Copy !req
784. You missed me!Copy !req
785. You can't hit me.
You're a big sucker-butt.Copy !req
786. I can't believe you're German.Copy !req
787. Where were you? Where the hell
were you when I needed you?Copy !req
788. I am so glad you're here.
Check it.Copy !req
789. Would you or would you not
have sex with a space alien chick?Copy !req
790. What?Copy !req
791. We have no way
of tracking him anymore.Copy !req
792. Just shut up!
Give me the phone.Copy !req
793. Hello?Copy !req
794. Oh, yo!
What's up, yo? Listen up.Copy !req
795. I got the 4-1-1 on Pest Vargas,
mamasita.Copy !req
796. - Who is this?
- This is the bomb and all that.Copy !req
797. You know, listen.Copy !req
798. The word up is that Pest Vargas
has ghosted your nugget...Copy !req
799. and is gonna skip the hood
in the morning, homey.Copy !req
800. Why are you telling me this?
What's he done to you?Copy !req
801. Well, you know, he called my mother
a big, fat Scottish slut.Copy !req
802. We'll take care of it.Copy !req
803. Fellas, put all the men out
on the street looking for the Pest.Copy !req
804. He's out there somewhere.
I wanna find him.Copy !req
805. They're putting the word out.Copy !req
806. I'll be able to monitor
all their incoming calls.Copy !req
807. So, we'll know where he is
as soon as they do.Copy !req
808. We gotta find a place to hide.
I'm serious! You gotta find a place to hide.Copy !req
809. Where's the last place
Gustav would think of looking?Copy !req
810. - Think! Use your head!
- All right! Calm down!Copy !req
811. Yo! Yo, Pest.
Check it out.Copy !req
812. Oh, no. Oh, no!Copy !req
813. Hello, Jews!Copy !req
814. Nobody's gonna see us here.
What are you...Copy !req
815. Shalom! And mazol tov,
my little gefiltes and yentas.Copy !req
816. A-And you are?Copy !req
817. I am a meshuggener,
but of course.Copy !req
818. Let me introduce myself.
My name is Rabbi Vargassteenstine.Copy !req
819. And this is
my farchadat associate...Copy !req
820. Rabbi Chubby Bergbaumsteenstein.Copy !req
821. Oh yes I know, I know! He's an Ethiopian Jew
from Ethiopia, of course.Copy !req
822. Oh really?
Where in Ethiopia?Copy !req
823. Yo, man, I'm from South Bay, bro...Copy !req
824. Unfortunately, the Lord saw fit
to take away his voice box.Copy !req
825. But he has a canasta game to die for.
For real...Copy !req
826. We'd like to stay, but I got a pain
in my tchotchke. I gotta go.Copy !req
827. Angus, I think I've found our man.Copy !req
828. Oh sir, look. It seems our Latino
has found religion.Copy !req
829. He appears to be leaving
a synagogue.Copy !req
830. So funny looking,
got any more genius ideas?Copy !req
831. Yo man, when does my idea...
Look I'll pick another place.Copy !req
832. Nuh-uh, no thanks.
I'm pickin' the place.Copy !req
833. Right here at the Paris Club.
There's a private party going on.Copy !req
834. Just pull into the parking lot.Copy !req
835. Hey, yo! It's all lovely.
It's all lovely.Copy !req
836. Yo, I hear there's
a mad-sick party going on.Copy !req
837. Can you hook up a brother
and his brother?Copy !req
838. Mad? Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.
Parties are never mad.Copy !req
839. They're angry! Duh!Copy !req
840. Anyway, Ese, the thing is...Copy !req
841. this is a private party, Cheech!Copy !req
842. I can't believe this.Copy !req
843. Nah, nah, come on dudes, seriously. I bet
you could get in the servants' entrance.Copy !req
844. - You guys are harsh!
- Yeah, you guys are harsh! You guys are harsh.Copy !req
845. Actually, you guys suck.Copy !req
846. - Yo, Chumps, get stupid.
- I can get stupid.Copy !req
847. You know what to do.
Spank 'em, brother!Copy !req
848. Let's party until we...!Copy !req
849. Go, white boy!
Go, white boy!Copy !req
850. Crank it, dude!Copy !req
851. Wanna make it sway, Make it say.
How do you like that, baby.Copy !req
852. Spank and nappin' till this happened.
Spank it all around.Copy !req
853. How do you like that, baby.Copy !req
854. How do you like that, baby.Copy !req
855. Spank it.Copy !req
856. Oh, snap. Oh, dag.
This one fainted.Copy !req
857. Now you know I'm not gonna let you have any
white people unless you take care of them.Copy !req
858. Now shall we go clubbing,
or shall we go clubbing?Copy !req
859. Yeah yeah, yeah, let's go clubbing.
Let's go clubbing.Copy !req
860. There's a party over here!Copy !req
861. Pest and Chub in the house!Copy !req
862. So good, baby.
You know how it is.Copy !req
863. - Oh, snap. Is that one of Angus's men over there, right there?
- Yeah yeah, what is he doing here?Copy !req
864. I don't know man, let's not wait to find out.
Let's just, let's just Houdini outta here.Copy !req
865. Plaid! Plaid everywhere!
Plaid here, plaid there.Copy !req
866. - I'ma have to get reinforcements. You gotta call Ninja.
- Ninja, for reinforcements?Copy !req
867. Hello?Copy !req
868. Wakey, wakey.
Hey!Copy !req
869. Yo Sleeping Beauty, do you realize that
while you're napping...Copy !req
870. your bestest of friends are being
stalked here at the Paris Club?Copy !req
871. Oh, that's nice.Copy !req
872. Hey, how's my Xantha-poo?Copy !req
873. Well, she has a tranquilizer dart in her butt.Copy !req
874. Oh, thank God!
That'll suck up all the poison.Copy !req
875. Yo Ninja, we need you to Come to the Paris Club
like right now. Aight?Copy !req
876. Meet us in the Karaoke Room, alright?
Later, masturbator.Copy !req
877. Hi, there!Copy !req
878. - Hey, big guy.
- Excuse me.Copy !req
879. We gotta split up and find Vargas before
the Scottish gentlemen do. Just go...Copy !req
880. Split up.Copy !req
881. See ya.Copy !req
882. - Excuse me, have you seen a little Latin boy?
- This is the models' changing room!Copy !req
883. - Get out of my face!
- What do you think you're doing?Copy !req
884. Excuse me.Copy !req
885. Excuse me. Good day.Copy !req
886. Hey Chubs, I'm gonna get Ninja in the Karaoke
Room and I'm gonna meet you in the Jeep. Aight?Copy !req
887. Go for it.Copy !req
888. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.Copy !req
889. Got a lifetime to shareCopy !req
890. So much to sayCopy !req
891. For only timeCopy !req
892. Oh my God, you suck!Copy !req
893. And I'm not just saying it lightly.
You really suck!Copy !req
894. I wanna put a hot poker
through my ears!Copy !req
895. God, what'd you do with your singing les...
Get off me. You don't know me mister. Your breath smell.Copy !req
896. - Let me show you to a chair.
- Don't show me nothing.Copy !req
897. Show me the way outta here.Copy !req
898. - Goodness gracious!
- Good show, ja?Copy !req
899. Ja, is-is a good show.Copy !req
900. Could you go away, little man?
You bother me.Copy !req
901. - He wants a tip.
- A tip? Oh, why didn't you say so?Copy !req
902. You buy Honda stock. Okay, get away.
Your breath smell. Get outta here. Okay...Copy !req
903. He's so too sucky.
I can't...Copy !req
904. Ninja! Ninja!Copy !req
905. - Ninja. I am a Ninja warrior.
- Really!Copy !req
906. All right, who would like to be next?Copy !req
907. Don't be shy.Copy !req
908. All right, sir. There you go.Copy !req
909. - Come on up.
- Oh. You, go.Copy !req
910. Don't be bashful.
Come up.Copy !req
911. You make mistake. No. I-I-I go. It's okay.
I can't, I can't, I can't.Copy !req
912. - Come on up, Sir.
- I can, I can. Okay, I can. I can.Copy !req
913. All right!Copy !req
914. I was hoping to see my family.
You know, Shoguns and all that.Copy !req
915. It's a dangerous crowd out there, isn't it?Copy !req
916. Which Karaoke selection
are you going to do for us?Copy !req
917. - What selections do we have today, Sir?
- They're on the monitor.Copy !req
918. "TV Favorites." Why not? Okay.Copy !req
919. All right, TV Favorites.
Take it away.Copy !req
920. I didn't know they had words
to this!Copy !req
921. We got a right to pick
a little fight, BonanzaCopy !req
922. If anyone fights anyone
He's got to fight with meCopy !req
923. I might want to saddle up
in one BonanzaCopy !req
924. What are you doing?Copy !req
925. I'm umm... taking a break.Copy !req
926. - One for four, Four for one
- You suck!Copy !req
927. No, you suck! Okay? I kick your...
Pick a little fight BonanzaCopy !req
928. Do you recognize the little Japanese guy?Copy !req
929. - No.
- You sure?Copy !req
930. Thank you very much. Thank you, okay.Copy !req
931. That is Pest Vargas,
you idiot!Copy !req
932. Well... I'm going to sing another song,
something from my childhood.Copy !req
933. You annoying little weasel,
Pest Vargas!Copy !req
934. You a big irritate, round eye.
Do..I... I am not Pest.Copy !req
935. I am... Uni Wasabi.Copy !req
936. I had the pleasure of hunting Uni
Wasabi, and you, Sir, are no Uni Wasabi.Copy !req
937. I am too!Copy !req
938. Perhaps this will help you decide.Copy !req
939. Perhaps this...Copy !req
940. will help you decide.Copy !req
941. You defend yourself
with a puny vile of cat piss?Copy !req
942. - Leo, go get him.
- It's the sex pheromones.Copy !req
943. Gustav...Copy !req
944. I find myself
strangely drawn to you.Copy !req
945. - Father, I feel funny.
- What?Copy !req
946. Let me at him.Copy !req
947. Come on Ninja, you little horny little dog.
I knew I should've had you fixed.Copy !req
948. What you doin'? Let me go. Put me down.Copy !req
949. Pest, you got mad skills man.
I didn't know you could sing.Copy !req
950. Stick with me, son, and I'll learn ya.Copy !req
951. - Ay yo, where's Gustav?
- Oh, he's meeting some new people.Copy !req
952. - Where're we going? Let's go.
- I think you should come with us.Copy !req
953. No, thanks. My mother said
never to go out with strangers.Copy !req
954. Oh but uhh... you seem nice.Copy !req
955. Pest, Pest, Pest.
You're a great disappointment.Copy !req
956. You thought I was gonna be taller, right?
I get that a lot, don't I?Copy !req
957. Why don't you do that
impression I like so much?Copy !req
958. Oh come on, I don't want to. You know,
the Italians never make me do impressions.Copy !req
959. - Do it.
- Captain, I cannot do it.Copy !req
960. The dilithium crystals are breaking up.
She's gonna blow.Copy !req
961. Not so fast.Copy !req
962. Where's my money?Copy !req
963. Look, I'll have the money for you...
What's the day after today?Copy !req
964. - Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow. My word is my bond.Copy !req
965. I don't trust your word.Copy !req
966. Okay. Then uhh...Copy !req
967. take as collateral that which is the mostest
precious to me in the entire world.Copy !req
968. And what would that be,
Mr. Vargas?Copy !req
969. Well, it's my best friend...Copy !req
970. Ninja.Copy !req
971. Pest, pest! Don't leave me, man!
They've got skirts and hairy legs!Copy !req
972. Don't worry, little friend.Copy !req
973. I can't believe you just did that.Copy !req
974. Oh, Chubs, don't worry. I got it all covered, man.
The 24 hours is almost up.Copy !req
975. Then we'll get Gustav's money,
then we'll pick him up like that.Copy !req
976. - I'm not talking about that Pest!
- Then what're you talking about?Copy !req
977. You said-You said he was your best friend, man.
I thought I was your best friend.Copy !req
978. Chubby-woomsy.Copy !req
979. You are my best friend.
That's why I pickeded the Ninja.Copy !req
980. Yellow.Copy !req
981. - Ah, hello Pest.
- The one and only.Copy !req
982. And you are? Oh wait, don't tell me.
You'll spoil the moment.Copy !req
983. Gustav.Copy !req
984. You know Pest, you have
a marvelous family.Copy !req
985. Gustav, my family was never,
ever part of the contract.Copy !req
986. Well, neither was your girlfriend's family
or her best friend.Copy !req
987. But I don't care.
I'm gonna kill 'em all!Copy !req
988. He says he's gonna kill my family. You do that
and you're gonna be in big trouble, Mister.Copy !req
989. Jail even.
Can you say "prison bitch"?Copy !req
990. Tomorrow I return
to my homeland...Copy !req
991. where I regain my status
as a Citizen of Germany.Copy !req
992. But first I have
to settle up with you.Copy !req
993. No, no, no. No, oh Gustav. You're always thinking of
others. Don't worry, we're even. Go back to Germany.Copy !req
994. Don't even worry about saying good-bye.
Send me a postcard. Fax if you can.Copy !req
995. You better get to the freighter
at pier 16 in 20 minutes...Copy !req
996. or you're gonna be
one lonely little Latino.Copy !req
997. Alright, I'll be there Gustav. But for any reason
I'm late, could you start with Malaria?Copy !req
998. Yo Chubs, head to Liberty Ship on pier 16.
Step on it, double it, man!Copy !req
999. Don't be so jumpy.Copy !req
1000. - He's got a gun!
- Leave me alone!Copy !req
1001. Why are you doing this?
Why are you hunting my Pest?Copy !req
1002. The man you know as Pest is actually a highly
valued operative in your secret service.Copy !req
1003. The underworld has placed a high price
on his head. I intend to collect.Copy !req
1004. You see, Felix? I told you
that my Pest wasn't just a bum!Copy !req
1005. Actually, I lied.
I'm just hunting him...Copy !req
1006. because no one will miss an
inconsequential piece of flotsam like him.Copy !req
1007. - That makes a little more sense, you know.
- How could you agree with this monster?Copy !req
1008. - Be quiet.
- Sit down. He gets angry.Copy !req
1009. You stay here and guard them.Copy !req
1010. I'm going to go look around.Copy !req
1011. Oh, Jack! Oh snap Chubs, we finally
get the good stuff, kid.Copy !req
1012. - Be all you can be!
- Yeah, don't ask, don't tell, right?Copy !req
1013. What's that suppose to mean?Copy !req
1014. - Nothing.
- Just checking.Copy !req
1015. You have to believe me.Copy !req
1016. None of this was my idea.Copy !req
1017. I feel you understand.
I get seasick!Copy !req
1018. Why would I want to be on a boat?Copy !req
1019. Chubs, Snake boy's got everybody
I care about down there.Copy !req
1020. Yo Pest, we gotta think
of something fast.Copy !req
1021. Aight Chubs, I'm gonna give Gustav a little attitude
adjustment. So you just gotta...Copy !req
1022. I'm not a bad person.Copy !req
1023. To tell you the truth,
I don't think he's my father.Copy !req
1024. Gustav, where are you?Copy !req
1025. I have arrivededed!Copy !req
1026. Goosey, welcome to the Love Boat.
I'm your waiter Isaac.Copy !req
1027. Gustav! Come on, where are you?Copy !req
1028. Don't be shy.Copy !req
1029. Goosey, I can see your bald spot.Copy !req
1030. You're getting warmer.
Oh, you're getting hot.Copy !req
1031. You're getting really hot.
You're boiling! You're on fire!Copy !req
1032. Goosey, look, I'm over here.Copy !req
1033. I'm a shadow of my former self.Copy !req
1034. Sucker!Copy !req
1035. I'm the big Cornholio.
I need T.P. for my bungholio.Copy !req
1036. Oh, woe is me, Gustav. Someone's
turned me into a walkie-talkie.Copy !req
1037. Help me! Help me! Help me!Copy !req
1038. Oh, why don't you come out, Pest?Copy !req
1039. Hey Gustav, what have you got left
after smoking a huge cigar? A big butt!Copy !req
1040. Where are you, Pest?Copy !req
1041. You got me, Gustav!
You got me laughin' at you.Copy !req
1042. My father is insane.Copy !req
1043. Do you know what he use
to do to me as a child?Copy !req
1044. All right, funny boy!Copy !req
1045. If you don't come out,
your girlfriend gets it.Copy !req
1046. Aight, saggy cheeks.
But if I come out, you gotta let her go.Copy !req
1047. Deal!Copy !req
1048. Let her go, Leo.Copy !req
1049. - Pest, you're all right!
- Everything's okay.Copy !req
1050. Now come closer.Copy !req
1051. Any closerer and I'd be intimate with you.Copy !req
1052. - There's only one pest can't be exterminateded.
- But I thought...Copy !req
1053. Now drop your weapons.Copy !req
1054. I don't know how long
I can keep this thing from firing.Copy !req
1055. Oohh, I loveded it.Copy !req
1056. Now! I guess we just sit here and wait
till I become a rich man.Copy !req
1057. I meant to do that.Copy !req
1058. Let me ask you a question.Copy !req
1059. How do you feel?Copy !req
1060. Fine. Why, do I look bloated?
Am I bloated?Copy !req
1061. Do you remember our little toast
on the island, Pest?Copy !req
1062. How could I forget?
It gave me indigestion and what not.Copy !req
1063. I poisoned your drink.Copy !req
1064. What?Copy !req
1065. And the poison kills
in exactly 18 hours.Copy !req
1066. You are so diabolical, Sir.Copy !req
1067. Ja.
You've got 15 seconds, Pest.Copy !req
1068. Enjoy it.Copy !req
1069. Oh and by the way, the safe deposit box
is in the Miami Central Bank.Copy !req
1070. Ja! Your $50,000 is in there.Copy !req
1071. Not that it would do you
any good.Copy !req
1072. Wait, what're you talking about?
Hold this, Chubby.Copy !req
1073. I never felt better
in my life!Copy !req
1074. If I was poisoned,
could I do this?Copy !req
1075. Or this? Or this?Copy !req
1076. I got the head bag, boss.Copy !req
1077. Forget it.
That face would just annoy me.Copy !req
1078. You cheated!Copy !req
1079. - Not now, Himmel. We'll discuss this at home.
- You'd have to shoot me first.Copy !req
1080. - Can't believe you shot him!
- Oh, he's wearing a bulletproof vest.Copy !req
1081. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.Copy !req
1082. All right, fine! Himmel,
you stay here amongst the losers.Copy !req
1083. Come on, Leo.Copy !req
1084. Where to...?Copy !req
1085. We have much to do.
We're on our way to the homeland.Copy !req
1086. Ah, good morning my dear. I need
to get into my safe deposit box, please.Copy !req
1087. Of course, Mr. Shank.
The guard will let you in.Copy !req
1088. Ja. Splendid.Copy !req
1089. I'll just be a minute, Andy.Copy !req
1090. Hello?Copy !req
1091. Surprise!Copy !req
1092. - Pest!
- Yup.Copy !req
1093. - But... but the... the poison should've...
- Killeded me?Copy !req
1094. Not likely, since I pukeded up all the poison
on that thrilling boat ride with ya-Himmel.Copy !req
1095. And with the help of my close, personal friend, the German
Ambassador, I was able to liberate all your money.Copy !req
1096. - My money?
- That's right. And you know, there was a lot more than $50,000 in there.Copy !req
1097. Oh and check this. The Ambassador also
spoke with the authorities about your...Copy !req
1098. How should I put it?
Eccentric hunting activities.Copy !req
1099. Hello, fellas. Good-bye.
Don't forget to write.Copy !req
1100. Ahh Pest, I'll get you!Copy !req
1101. No! No!
I do not recognize your authority.Copy !req
1102. Go, Pest
Freak to the eastCopy !req
1103. Yes!Copy !req
1104. There he is!
I'm gonna kill you!Copy !req
1105. - How dare you!
- I'm sorry, Mr. Ambassador.Copy !req
1106. He's not the Ambassador.
He's an impostor!Copy !req
1107. How dare you question my authority!Copy !req
1108. If I wasn't the Ambassador...Copy !req
1109. would I have the
confidence to do this?Copy !req
1110. Und this?Copy !req
1111. Would I have the downright
perverse impudence...Copy !req
1112. and lack of love for my fellow man
to do this?Copy !req
1113. - Wedgie!
- God!Copy !req
1114. Therefore, I must be
the Ambassador.Copy !req
1115. He is not even German.Copy !req
1116. Our feet are the same.Copy !req
1117. Good-bye to you and you and you!Copy !req
1118. Let's take him away!Copy !req
1119. Vargas,
here's your garbage back!Copy !req
1120. Yo Ninja, you all right?
What's up, man?Copy !req
1121. I knew you were my
best friend, man.Copy !req
1122. - I know.
- He stole my clothes.Copy !req
1123. Pest, get your white behind
in this jeep.Copy !req
1124. How many times do I have to tell you?
I'm half black, buttercup.Copy !req
1125. Oh honey, get over yourself.Copy !req
1126. I like to party with my peeps
Cruise and creepCopy !req
1127. Playin' three-card monty
on these crazy streetsCopy !req
1128. Great hustler
I'm gonna scam in a minuteCopy !req
1129. So low to the floor
Pick the pocket on a midgetCopy !req
1130. Slick-shyster
The Pest-meisterCopy !req
1131. Living life in Miami's vice
Ma, seeCopy !req
1132. Nobody messin' with the frog, see
Where's your Messiah nowCopy !req
1133. Voodoo mambo
Chili congoCopy !req
1134. Old school beat meets Latin freak
And you don't stopCopy !req
1135. Sweet mambo, do the mambo, yeah
Chili CongoCopy !req
1136. When your school beat meets Latin freak
And you don't quit and you don't stopCopy !req
1137. I'm hurting, all right, already
I'm "ridiculiculous"Copy !req
1138. Like a booger
I stick to thisCopy !req
1139. Take a whiff of this
One stinky dinkyCopy !req
1140. Two stinky dinkyCopy !req
1141. Three stinky dinkyCopy !req
1142. Mirror, mirror on the wall
who is the slickest of them allCopy !req
1143. It's the schemingest, keenest scam artist
God, it's so hard to be modest!Copy !req
1144. Put up the fisticuffs and thenCopy !req
1145. Put 'em up
Put 'em up evenCopy !req
1146. Voodoo mambo
Chili CongoCopy !req
1147. Old school beat meets Latin street
And you don't stopCopy !req
1148. Jack maybe nimble
but I'm a sex symbolCopy !req
1149. So slick I stole the wick
from his candlestickCopy !req
1150. I'm in the mood to scam
simply because I canCopy !req
1151. I'm the Latin HoudiniCopy !req
1152. Disappear in a flash with your Cash
and I'm back like a genieCopy !req
1153. Lucy, I'm home!
Don't do that to me, Lucy!Copy !req
1154. Freak to the east
Freak to the westCopy !req
1155. Freak big booties
and big ChestCopy !req
1156. Yes, yes y'all, and it's like that!
Why certainly!Copy !req
1157. Get stupid, get retarded
'Cause Pest'll get the party startedCopy !req
1158. Which way did he go, George?
Which way did he go?Copy !req
1159. Funkadocious, groovilocious
atrociousCopy !req
1160. I'm a man of a million disguisesCopy !req
1161. I'm as crazy as they make 'em
I shake 'em, I break 'emCopy !req
1162. So scientific, hate to be specific
E=mC2Copy !req
1163. Multiply, divide it, slide up inside it
blend it, mix itCopy !req
1164. Damn, I'm terrificCopy !req
1165. Hippity, hoppity
Feecropoly, suffering succotashCopy !req
1166. I'm smarter than
the average man, BoobooCopy !req
1167. Wait!Copy !req
1168. - All like this and like that, right?
- Like this and like that!Copy !req
1169. You know what they say, right Chubby?
Never trust a big butt and a smile.Copy !req
1170. That's what you trust.Copy !req
1171. Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.Copy !req