1. Dear friend...Copy !req
2. I am writing to you because she
said you listen and understand.Copy !req
3. And didn't try to sleep with
that person at that party...Copy !req
4. even though you could have.Copy !req
5. Please, don't try to
figure out who I am.Copy !req
6. I don't want you to do that.Copy !req
7. I just need to know that
people like you exist.Copy !req
8. Like, if you met
me you wouldn't...Copy !req
9. think I was the weird kid who
spent time in the hospital.Copy !req
10. And I wouldn't make you nervous.Copy !req
11. I hope it's okay for
me to think that.Copy !req
12. You see, I haven't really
talked to anyone...Copy !req
13. outside of my family all summer.Copy !req
14. But tomorrow is my first
day of high school ever.Copy !req
15. And I need to turn
things around.Copy !req
16. So I have a plan.Copy !req
17. As I enter the school
for the first time...Copy !req
18. I will visualize what
it will be like...Copy !req
19. on the last day of
my senior year.Copy !req
20. Unfortunately, I
counted and that's...Copy !req
21. Hop, freshman toads! Hop!
Let's move it!Copy !req
22. 1,385 days from now.Copy !req
23. We worked out all summer.
Rock hard.Copy !req
24. Hey, you know what? Why
don't you guys get a room?Copy !req
25. Just 1,385 days.Copy !req
26. In the meantime, I'd hoped that my sister,
Candace, and her boyfriend, Derek...Copy !req
27. would have let me eat lunch
with their Earth Club.Copy !req
28. Seniors only.Copy !req
29. What are you doing with
that plastic spork?Copy !req
30. I don't wanna bring
back silverware.Copy !req
31. Derek, you're Earth Club treasurer.
Come on!Copy !req
32. When my sister said
"No," I thought...Copy !req
33. maybe my old friend Susan would
wanna have lunch with me.Copy !req
34. In middle school, Susan was
very fun to be around...Copy !req
35. but now she doesn't like
to say "Hi" to me anymore.Copy !req
36. And then there's Brad Hays.Copy !req
37. Before my older brother went to
play football for Penn State...Copy !req
38. he and Brad played together...Copy !req
39. so I thought maybe
he'd say "Hi" to me.Copy !req
40. But Brad's a senior.Copy !req
41. And I'm me. So who am I kidding?Copy !req
42. On the bright side...Copy !req
43. one senior decided to make fun of the
teacher instead of the freshmen.Copy !req
44. He even drew on Mr. Callahan's
legendary goatee...Copy !req
45. with a grease pencil.Copy !req
46. The prick punch is not a toy.Copy !req
47. I learned that back
in 'Nam in '68.Copy !req
48. "Callahan," sergeant said...Copy !req
49. "you put down that prick punch."Copy !req
50. "You go kill some gooks."Copy !req
51. And you know what happened?Copy !req
52. That prick punch killed my best
friend in a Saigon whorehouse.Copy !req
53. I heard you were
gonna be in my class.Copy !req
54. Are you proud to be a senior...Copy !req
55. having to take freshman
shop, Patty-Cakes?Copy !req
56. Look, my name is Patrick.Copy !req
57. Either you call me Patrick
Or you call me nothing.Copy !req
58. Okay, Nothing.Copy !req
59. I felt really bad for Patrick.Copy !req
60. He wasn't doing the impersonation
to be mean or anything.Copy !req
61. He was just trying to make
us freshmen feel better.Copy !req
62. Nothing, why don't
you read first?Copy !req
63. All right. "Chapter One."Copy !req
64. "Surviving your fascist
shop teacher..."Copy !req
65. "who needs to put kids
down to feel big."Copy !req
66. Oh, wow, this is useful, guys.
We should read on.Copy !req
67. My last class of the day
is Advanced English...Copy !req
68. and I'm really excited
to finally learn...Copy !req
69. with the smartest
kids in the school.Copy !req
70. Nice Trapper Keeper, faggot.Copy !req
71. Believe it or not, she's gotten
straight A's since kindergarten.Copy !req
72. Shh!Copy !req
73. I'm Mr. Anderson.Copy !req
74. I'm gonna be your teacher
for freshman English.Copy !req
75. This semester we're
gonna learn about...Copy !req
76. Harper Lee's To
Kill a Mockingbird.Copy !req
77. Genius book.Copy !req
78. Now, who'd like to get out
of the first pop quiz?Copy !req
79. I'm shocked. All right. Well,
you can skip the quiz...Copy !req
80. if you tell me which author
invented the paperback book.Copy !req
81. Anyone?Copy !req
82. He was British.Copy !req
83. He also invented the serial.Copy !req
84. In fact, at the end of the third
chapter of his first novel...Copy !req
85. he had a man hanging from a
cliff by his fingernails.Copy !req
86. Hence the term "cliff hanger."Copy !req
87. Anybody?Copy !req
88. - Yeah?
- Shakespeare.Copy !req
89. That's a great guess, but no.Copy !req
90. Shakespeare didn't write novels.Copy !req
91. Anybody else?Copy !req
92. Hmm?Copy !req
93. The author...Copy !req
94. was Charles Dickens.Copy !req
95. However, if you and I had
gone to a Shakespeare play...Copy !req
96. it would have cost
us four pennies.Copy !req
97. Can you imagine that?Copy !req
98. We would have put those
pennies in a metal box.Copy !req
99. The ushers would lock
it in the office.Copy !req
100. And that's where
we get the term...Copy !req
101. Cash register.Copy !req
102. Office Max.Copy !req
103. I'll give you a free
"A" on anything...Copy !req
104. except the final term paper
if you get it right.Copy !req
105. Box office.Copy !req
106. You should learn to participate.Copy !req
107. Why didn't you raise your hand?Copy !req
108. They call you the
"teacher's pet"?Copy !req
109. "Freak"? That kinda thing?Copy !req
110. I used to get "spaz".Copy !req
111. I mean, come on, "spaz"?Copy !req
112. You know, I heard you had
a tough time last year.Copy !req
113. But they say if you
make one friend...Copy !req
114. on your first day,
you're doing okay.Copy !req
115. Thank you, sir, but if
my English teacher...Copy !req
116. is the only friend
I make today...Copy !req
117. that would be sort
of depressing.Copy !req
118. Yeah, I can see that.Copy !req
119. Don't worry,
Mr. Anderson, I'm okay.Copy !req
120. Thanks.Copy !req
121. I would happily not take shop.Copy !req
122. Hey, freshman toad.Copy !req
123. Well,
I have 1,384 days to go.Copy !req
124. Just so I say it to someone...Copy !req
125. high school is even worse
than middle school.Copy !req
126. If my parents ask me about it...Copy !req
127. I probably won't tell
them the truth...Copy !req
128. because I don't want them...Copy !req
129. to worry that I might
get bad again.Copy !req
130. If my Aunt Helen were still
here, I could talk to her...Copy !req
131. and I know she would
understand...Copy !req
132. how I'm both happy and sad.Copy !req
133. And I'm still trying to
figure out how that could be.Copy !req
134. I just hope I make
a friend soon.Copy !req
135. Love always, Charlie.Copy !req
136. Charlie? Come on.Copy !req
137. Mmm.Copy !req
138. This chicken paprikash
is delicious.Copy !req
139. Thank you, Derek.
It's Charlie's favorite.Copy !req
140. He was a little nervous about starting
high school today, so I made it for him.Copy !req
141. Feel a little silly about being
nervous now, huh, Champ?Copy !req
142. Yes, sir. I sure do.Copy !req
143. I told you, just
give 'em a smile...Copy !req
144. and be yourself.Copy !req
145. - That's how you...
- Make friends in the real world.Copy !req
146. You're cruisin' for a bruisin'.Copy !req
147. Freshman year is tough, but...Copy !req
148. you really find yourself.Copy !req
149. Thanks, Derek.Copy !req
150. You could have been a
little nicer to Derek.Copy !req
151. I'm sorry, the kid's a pussy.
I can't stand him.Copy !req
152. - I really hope you love the mix tape I made.
- I do.Copy !req
153. - The cover is hand-painted.
- Oh, wow.Copy !req
154. Hey, Charlie, you want this?Copy !req
155. Are you sure?Copy !req
156. He gives
me one every week.Copy !req
157. Hey, babe.Copy !req
158. This next one might be a little sad,
but it reminded me of your eyes.Copy !req
159. Did you already do the term
paper on To Kill a Mockingbird?Copy !req
160. No.Copy !req
161. Get him.Copy !req
162. Let's go, Devils!Copy !req
163. Right.
Come on, offense!Copy !req
164. - Hey, Nothing.
- Hey, Nothing.Copy !req
165. Oh, suck it, virginity pledges.Copy !req
166. Suck it.Copy !req
167. Oh, you're in trouble
now, Jaguars!Copy !req
168. Hey, Patrick.Copy !req
169. Hey. You're in my
shop class, right?Copy !req
170. How's your clock coming?Copy !req
171. My dad's building it for me.Copy !req
172. Yeah. Mine looks like a boat.Copy !req
173. You wanna sit over here or are
you waiting for your friends?Copy !req
174. No, no, no, I'll sit.Copy !req
175. Thanks for not calling
me Nothing by the way.Copy !req
176. It's an endless nightmare.Copy !req
177. And these assholes, they actually
think they're being original.Copy !req
178. So do you like football?Copy !req
179. Love it. Love football.Copy !req
180. Maybe you know my brother then.Copy !req
181. Hey, Sam.Copy !req
182. Question. Could the bathrooms
here be more disgusting?Copy !req
183. Yes. They call it
the men's room.Copy !req
184. Oh. So I finally
got hold of Bob.Copy !req
185. Party tonight?Copy !req
186. He's still trying to shag that
waitress from the Olive Garden.Copy !req
187. Ah! He's never
tossing that salad.Copy !req
188. Come on!Copy !req
189. Patrick.Copy !req
190. Yeah?Copy !req
191. Who's this?Copy !req
192. This is...Copy !req
193. Charlie Kelmeckis.Copy !req
194. Kelmeckis?Copy !req
195. No shit? Your sister's dating
Ponytail Derek, isn't she?Copy !req
196. - God.
- Is that what they call him?Copy !req
197. Would you leave
Ponytail Derek alone?Copy !req
198. You put the "ass" in
"class," Patrick.Copy !req
199. I try. Sam, I try.Copy !req
200. It's nice to meet you, Charlie.
I'm Sam.Copy !req
201. What's the plan? Are we going
to Mary Elizabeth's tonight?Copy !req
202. Nope.Copy !req
203. She got caught watering down her
parents' brandy with iced tea.Copy !req
204. - Ugh!
- Let's just go to Kings.Copy !req
205. All right. We're goin' to Kings
after the game if you wanna come.Copy !req
206. Do you have
a favorite band?Copy !req
207. Well, I think The
Smiths are my favorite.Copy !req
208. Are you kidding? I love The Smiths.
Best breakup band ever.Copy !req
209. What's your favorite song?Copy !req
210. "Asleep." It's from
Louder than Bombs.Copy !req
211. I heard it on Ponytail
Derek's mix tape.Copy !req
212. Oh, that works on
so many levels.Copy !req
213. I can make you guys
a copy if you want.Copy !req
214. - What about Eides? You love Eides, right?
- Yeah, of course. They're great.Copy !req
215. Not a band, Charlie.Copy !req
216. It's a record store downtown.Copy !req
217. Things sound so much
better on vinyl.Copy !req
218. You know, I used to be popular
before Sam got me some good music.Copy !req
219. So you be careful. She'll
ruin your life forever.Copy !req
220. That's okay.Copy !req
221. - Hey, Nothing.
- Hey, Nothing.Copy !req
222. Let it go! Jesus!Copy !req
223. It's an antique joke. It's over.Copy !req
224. So what are you gonna do when
you get outta this place?Copy !req
225. Well, my Aunt Helen said
I should be a writer...Copy !req
226. but I don't know what
I'd write about.Copy !req
227. You could write about us.Copy !req
228. Yeah! Call it Slut
and the Falcon.Copy !req
229. Make us solve crimes.Copy !req
230. You guys seem really
happy together.Copy !req
231. How long have you been
boyfriend and girlfriend?Copy !req
232. He's not my boyfriend.
He's my stepbrother.Copy !req
233. My mom finally left
my worthless dad...Copy !req
234. and married his nice dad
when we moved here.Copy !req
235. But she's not bitter or anything.
Make no mistake.Copy !req
236. Absolutely not. Charlie,
I'm not a bulimic.Copy !req
237. - I'm a bulim-ist.
- I'm sorry, I don't know what that is.Copy !req
238. She just really
believes in bulimia.Copy !req
239. I love bulimia!Copy !req
240. Hey. Thanks for paying, Charlie.Copy !req
241. Oh, no problem.
Thank you guys for the ride.Copy !req
242. God, would you turn it down?
You're gonna make us deaf.Copy !req
243. So be it. It's rock and roll.Copy !req
244. Bye, Charlie!Copy !req
245. - Bye, Charlie.
- Okay, bye.Copy !req
246. Your mom says,
"Don't go to Columbia with Candace, Derek."Copy !req
247. - Shh! Shut-
- "Don't go to Columbia!"Copy !req
248. Do you always want to
be a mama's boy, Derek?Copy !req
249. I am not a mama's boy!Copy !req
250. You are, because every single
time I go to your house,Copy !req
251. Every single time!Copy !req
252. Shut up, Candace!Copy !req
253. You just stand there like a
little bitch dog.Copy !req
254. No. Charlie-Charlie, just go.
I can handle it.Copy !req
255. Just don't wake up Mom and Dad.Copy !req
256. Hey! Look who's here.Copy !req
257. Welcome home, Aunt Helen.Copy !req
258. Aw! Look at you guys.Copy !req
259. Dressed so nice.Copy !req
260. Hey, Candace.Copy !req
261. What are you doing?Copy !req
262. Look, I egged him on.
You saw it.Copy !req
263. He's never hit me before, and I promise
you, he will never hit me again.Copy !req
264. Like Aunt Helen's boyfriends?Copy !req
265. Charlie, this is Ponytail Derek.Copy !req
266. I can handle him.Copy !req
267. Do you trust me?Copy !req
268. Please,
don't tell Mom and Dad.Copy !req
269. Oh, my God, they're
playing good music!Copy !req
270. Holy shit. Holy shit! They are!
They're playing good music.Copy !req
271. - Living room routine.
- Living room routine.Copy !req
272. - Yes.
- Yes!Copy !req
273. Excuse us.
Excuse me. Pardon.Copy !req
274. Sorry.Copy !req
275. Get out of the way!
Get out of the way!Copy !req
276. Oh!Copy !req
277. God, it's freezing!Copy !req
278. But you wore that toasty costume.
It's not like it's cute or original.Copy !req
279. - You'd hope it would be warm.
- Yeah, piss off, Tennessee Tuxedo.Copy !req
280. Are you sure
it's okay that I come?Copy !req
281. Yeah, of course. Just remember,
Charlie, Bob's not paranoid.Copy !req
282. He's sensitive.Copy !req
283. Sam!Copy !req
284. That waitress from the Olive
Garden, she was such a tease.Copy !req
285. Oh.Copy !req
286. Will you marry me?Copy !req
287. Only with Patrick's blessing.Copy !req
288. Patrick?Copy !req
289. You are a hopeless stoner who
attends the culinary institute.Copy !req
290. I'm gonna say "no" on that,
but nice try. Charlie.Copy !req
291. Oh, touché.Copy !req
292. So, Charlie. This is a party.Copy !req
293. This is what fun looks like.Copy !req
294. Are you ready to meet
some desperate women?Copy !req
295. Here, have a seat.Copy !req
296. Hey, ladies.Copy !req
297. Meet Charlie.Copy !req
298. - Hi.
- Meet ladies.Copy !req
299. - Hey.
- Mary Elizabeth.Copy !req
300. - Alice.
- Nice to meet you.Copy !req
301. This is
Charlie's first party ever.Copy !req
302. So I expect nice, meaningful,
heartfelt blowjobs from both of you.Copy !req
303. - Patrick, you're such a dick.
- Where the hell did you go?Copy !req
304. - The dance was a little boring, don't you think?
- You are so selfish.Copy !req
305. We looked everywhere for you.
You could have told someone.Copy !req
306. Cry me a river.Copy !req
307. How is it that you've got meaner
since becoming a Buddhist?Copy !req
308. Just lucky, I guess.Copy !req
309. No, you're doing something
wrong, I think.Copy !req
310. Mmm. Or something very right.Copy !req
311. - Yeah, well...
- Hey!Copy !req
312. Look who's here.Copy !req
313. Is that Brad Hays?Copy !req
314. Yeah. He comes here sometimes.Copy !req
315. - But he's a popular kid.
- Hmm.Copy !req
316. Then what are we?Copy !req
317. Oh, Charlie! You look like
you could use a brownie.Copy !req
318. Thank you.Copy !req
319. I was so hungry at the dance.
I was gonna go to Kings...Copy !req
320. but I didn't really
have any time.Copy !req
321. Thanks.Copy !req
322. Have you
guys felt this carpet?Copy !req
323. This carpet feels so darn good.Copy !req
324. Charlie, Charlie, what do you
think about high school?Copy !req
325. High school?Copy !req
326. Bullshit.Copy !req
327. The cafeteria is called
the Nutrition Center.Copy !req
328. People wear their letter jackets
even when it's 98 degrees out.Copy !req
329. And why do they give out letter
jackets to marching band?Copy !req
330. It's not a sport.Copy !req
331. We all know it.Copy !req
332. This kid is crazy.Copy !req
333. Mary Elizabeth, I think you're
really gonna regret that...Copy !req
334. you know- haircut
when you look back at old photographs.Copy !req
335. Oh, my God!Copy !req
336. I'm really sorry. That sounded
like a compliment in my head.Copy !req
337. My God!Copy !req
338. Well, it's kinda true.Copy !req
339. Shut up!Copy !req
340. I can't even be mad at him.
Look at him.Copy !req
341. Bob, did you
get him stoned?Copy !req
342. Come on, Sam, he likes
it, just look at him.Copy !req
343. How do you feel, Charlie?Copy !req
344. I just really want a milk shake.Copy !req
345. Sam.Copy !req
346. You have such pretty brown eyes.Copy !req
347. The kind of pretty that
deserves to make...Copy !req
348. a big deal about itself
though, you know what I mean?Copy !req
349. Okay, Charlie. Let me
make the milk shake.Copy !req
350. Mmm. What a great word.
Milk shake.Copy !req
351. It's like when you say your name
over and over again in the mirror...Copy !req
352. and after a while
it sounds crazy.Copy !req
353. So I'm guessing you've
never been high before?Copy !req
354. No. No, no, no.Copy !req
355. My best friend, Michael, his
dad was a big drinker...Copy !req
356. so he hated all that stuff.Copy !req
357. Parties too.Copy !req
358. Well, where is Michael tonight?Copy !req
359. Oh, he shot himself last May.Copy !req
360. I kinda wished he'd left a note.
You know what I mean?Copy !req
361. Where's the bathroom?Copy !req
362. It's up the stairs.Copy !req
363. Thanks, Sam.Copy !req
364. You're so nice.Copy !req
365. Charlie.Copy !req
366. Weird.Copy !req
367. Oh.Copy !req
368. Charlie.Copy !req
369. What.Copy !req
370. Who was that kid?Copy !req
371. Relax. Relax. He's
a friend of mine.Copy !req
372. Stay here.Copy !req
373. I didn't
see anything.Copy !req
374. Yeah, I know you saw
something, but it's okay.Copy !req
375. Okay, listen...Copy !req
376. Brad doesn't want
anyone to know.Copy !req
377. Wait.Copy !req
378. - Are you baked?
- Like a cake.Copy !req
379. That's what Bob said.Copy !req
380. And you can't have three on a match
because then they'd find us.Copy !req
381. And everybody laughed but I
don't understand what's funny.Copy !req
382. Okay, Charlie, listen.Copy !req
383. I need you to promise...Copy !req
384. that you're not gonna say anything
to anyone about me and Brad.Copy !req
385. Okay? This has to be
our little secret.Copy !req
386. Our little secret. Agreed.Copy !req
387. Okay.Copy !req
388. Thank you.Copy !req
389. We'll talk later.Copy !req
390. I look forward to that big talk.Copy !req
391. - Can I have your cherry?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
392. Isn't this the best
milk shake ever, Alice?Copy !req
393. It's even better
than the first one.Copy !req
394. Charlie just told me
that his best friend shot himself.Copy !req
395. I don't think he
has any friends.Copy !req
396. Hey, everyone!Copy !req
397. Everybody!Copy !req
398. Everyone...Copy !req
399. raise your glasses to Charlie.Copy !req
400. - What did I do?
- You didn't do anything.Copy !req
401. We just wanna toast
to our new friend.Copy !req
402. You see things.Copy !req
403. And you understand.Copy !req
404. You're a wallflower.Copy !req
405. What is it? What's wrong?Copy !req
406. I didn't think
anyone noticed me.Copy !req
407. Well, we didn't think there
was anyone cool left to meet.Copy !req
408. So come on, everyone.Copy !req
409. To Charlie.Copy !req
410. To Charlie.Copy !req
411. Welcome to the Island
of Misfit Toys.Copy !req
412. Oh, my God! What is this song?Copy !req
413. Right? I have no idea.Copy !req
414. Have you ever heard this before?Copy !req
415. Never.Copy !req
416. Patrick, we've gotta
go through the tunnel.Copy !req
417. Sam, it's freezing.Copy !req
418. Patrick, It's the perfect song.Copy !req
419. No. Mama Patrick says "No."Copy !req
420. Patrick. It's Sam. It's Sam
speaking to you right now.Copy !req
421. I'm begging you to
do this for me.Copy !req
422. I concede!Copy !req
423. What is she doing?Copy !req
424. Oh, don't worry. She
does it all the time.Copy !req
425. Turn it up!Copy !req
426. You got it, your highness.Copy !req
427. What?Copy !req
428. I feel infinite.Copy !req
429. Dear friend...Copy !req
430. I'm sorry I haven't
written for a while...Copy !req
431. but I've been trying
hard not to be a loser.Copy !req
432. For example, I'm trying
to participate...Copy !req
433. by listening to Sam's collection
of big rock ballads...Copy !req
434. and thinking about love.Copy !req
435. Sam says they're
kitschy and brilliant.Copy !req
436. I completely agree.Copy !req
437. I'm also writing essays and studying
extra books outside of class.Copy !req
438. As it turns out,
Mr. Anderson is a writer.Copy !req
439. He even had a play put
up in New York once...Copy !req
440. which I think is
very impressive.Copy !req
441. Great Gatsby?Copy !req
442. He and his wife might go
back there after this year.Copy !req
443. I know this is selfish,
but I really hope he doesn't.Copy !req
444. My favorite time,
though, is lunch...Copy !req
445. because I get to see
Sam and Patrick.Copy !req
446. We spend the time working on
Mary Elizabeth's fanzine...Copy !req
447. about music and The Rocky
Horror Picture Show.Copy !req
448. It's called Punk Rocky.Copy !req
449. Mary Elizabeth is
really interesting...Copy !req
450. because she's a
Buddhist and a punk.Copy !req
451. But somehow she always acts like my
father at the end of a long day.Copy !req
452. Her best friend Alice
loves vampires...Copy !req
453. and wants to go to film school.Copy !req
454. She also steals jeans
from the mall.Copy !req
455. I don't know why, because
her family is rich...Copy !req
456. but I'm trying not
to be judgmental.Copy !req
457. Especially since I know that they
were all there for Patrick last year.Copy !req
458. Patrick never likes
to be serious...Copy !req
459. so it took me a while
to get what happened.Copy !req
460. When he was a junior, Patrick started
seeing Brad on the weekends in secret.Copy !req
461. I guess it was hard, too...Copy !req
462. because Brad had to get drunk
every time they fooled around.Copy !req
463. Then Monday in school,
Brad would say...Copy !req
464. "Man, I was so wasted I
don't remember a thing."Copy !req
465. This went on for seven months.Copy !req
466. When they finally did it,
Brad said he loved Patrick.Copy !req
467. Then he started to cry.Copy !req
468. No matter what Patrick did...Copy !req
469. Brad kept saying that
his dad would kill him.Copy !req
470. And saying that he
was going to hell.Copy !req
471. Patrick was eventually able
to help Brad get sober.Copy !req
472. I asked Patrick
if he felt sad...Copy !req
473. that he still had to
keep it a secret.Copy !req
474. And he said "No,"
because at least now...Copy !req
475. Brad doesn't have to
get drunk to love him.Copy !req
476. I think I understand,
because I really like Sam.Copy !req
477. I asked my sister about her...Copy !req
478. and she said that when
Sam was a freshman...Copy !req
479. the upperclassmen used to
get her drunk at parties.Copy !req
480. I guess she had a reputation.Copy !req
481. But I don't care.Copy !req
482. I'd hate for her to judge me
based on what I used to be like.Copy !req
483. So I've been making her a mix
tape so she'll know how I feel.Copy !req
484. Oh, shit!Copy !req
485. - C!
- C!Copy !req
486. - Give me a K!
- K!Copy !req
487. - Give me a Y!
- Y!Copy !req
488. What's that spell?Copy !req
489. Rocky!Copy !req
490. I can't hear you!Copy !req
491. Rocky!Copy !req
492. One more time!Copy !req
493. Rocky!Copy !req
494. She went ape-shit.Copy !req
495. That picture is gorgeous, Craig.
What did you use?Copy !req
496. Oh, I know. Thank you.Copy !req
497. Color film, but black and
white paper for printing.Copy !req
498. Yeah. My professor
gave me an A...Copy !req
499. but for all the wrong reasons.Copy !req
500. Most of them are idiots.Copy !req
501. You'll see what I mean
when you get to college.Copy !req
502. How'd your S.A.T.'s
go, by the way?Copy !req
503. 1150. I think I'll get into NYU.Copy !req
504. Yeah, I hope so.Copy !req
505. 1490. Harvard. Face.Copy !req
506. So,Copy !req
507. Are you okay?Copy !req
508. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
509. But I got my S.A.T.
results back.Copy !req
510. Oops.Copy !req
511. You can take them
again, you know.Copy !req
512. Yeah, it's just, if I'm going
to Penn State main campus...Copy !req
513. I have to do much better.Copy !req
514. I wish I would have
studied freshman year.Copy !req
515. It's a bit of a mess.Copy !req
516. I'll help you study
for the next one.Copy !req
517. Will you?Copy !req
518. Yeah. Of course.Copy !req
519. Thanks, Charlie.Copy !req
520. What's this?Copy !req
521. It's just a mix tape.
No big deal.Copy !req
522. My parents have a
good stereo, so...Copy !req
523. It's all about that
night in the tunnel.Copy !req
524. I couldn't find that song
that we were listening to...Copy !req
525. but, you know, I'm still
searching for it, so yeah.Copy !req
526. That's okay.Copy !req
527. These are great.Copy !req
528. Nick Drake.Copy !req
529. The Shaggs.Copy !req
530. You have really good
taste, Charlie.Copy !req
531. Really?Copy !req
532. Yeah.Copy !req
533. Way better than
me as a freshman.Copy !req
534. I used to listen to
the worst Top 40.Copy !req
535. - No.
- Yeah, I did.Copy !req
536. Then I heard this old song.Copy !req
537. "Pearly Dewdrops' Drop."Copy !req
538. And I thought someday I'd be at a
party in college or something...Copy !req
539. and I'd look up and see this
person across the room.Copy !req
540. And from that
moment, I'd know...Copy !req
541. everything was going to be okay.Copy !req
542. You know what I mean?Copy !req
543. Yeah.Copy !req
544. I hope it works out.Copy !req
545. I don't know.Copy !req
546. Craig would be a big
step up from her last boyfriend.Copy !req
547. Yeah, no shit.Copy !req
548. Who could forget
Mr. Car Wash Loser?Copy !req
549. I just hope she can stop
playing dumb with these guys.Copy !req
550. I keep telling her,
"Don't make yourself small."Copy !req
551. Can't save anybody.Copy !req
552. Excuse me.Copy !req
553. Man, your mix is
morbidly sad, kid.Copy !req
554. How about something a little
bit more upbeat, huh?Copy !req
555. Let's just see.Copy !req
556. So Sam tells me you
wanna be a writer.Copy !req
557. Yeah.Copy !req
558. Don't you write poetry, Craig?Copy !req
559. Poetry writes me. You know?Copy !req
560. Let's get this party started.Copy !req
561. Wow.Copy !req
562. That was fast.Copy !req
563. You want another one?Copy !req
564. Yeah.Copy !req
565. All right.Copy !req
566. Mr. Anderson?Copy !req
567. Can I ask you something?Copy !req
568. Yeah.Copy !req
569. Why do nice people choose
the wrong people to date?Copy !req
570. Are we talking about
anyone specific?Copy !req
571. Well,Copy !req
572. We accept the love
we think we deserve.Copy !req
573. Can we make them know
that they deserve more?Copy !req
574. We can try.Copy !req
575. - Hey.
- Hey, Sam. Didn't see you come in.Copy !req
576. How's it goin'?Copy !req
577. You wanna start work on
probability and statistics?Copy !req
578. Yeah. Sure.Copy !req
579. Page 291 in your book.Copy !req
580. And I ordered you
some breakfast.Copy !req
581. The country breakfast.Copy !req
582. Dad?Copy !req
583. Can I have 30 dollars?Copy !req
584. Twenty dollars? What do
you need 10 dollars for?Copy !req
585. Sam's doing Secret Santa.Copy !req
586. It's her favorite thing in the world.
Please?Copy !req
587. Have fun.Copy !req
588. Thanks.Copy !req
589. Hmm!Copy !req
590. Charlie.Copy !req
591. This was my favorite
book growing up.Copy !req
592. This is my copy, but I
want you to have it.Copy !req
593. Thanks.Copy !req
594. Have a great Christmas break.Copy !req
595. You, too, Mr. Anderson.Copy !req
596. Terrible stain.Copy !req
597. That's pretty good, Charlie.Copy !req
598. You gotta be kidding me.Copy !req
599. If you fail me, you
get me next semester.Copy !req
600. Whoo!Copy !req
601. C minus! Ladies and gentlemen,
I am below average!Copy !req
602. - Below average!
- Below average!Copy !req
603. Guys, 1210.Copy !req
604. What?Copy !req
605. No more applications!
No more S.A.T.'s!Copy !req
606. Thank you, Charlie!Copy !req
607. All right. All
right, guys, I got,Copy !req
608. Multiple pairs of blue jeans.Copy !req
609. Wow, this is a
really tough one...Copy !req
610. but I'm gonna have
to guess Alice.Copy !req
611. Wait.Copy !req
612. Guys, a receipt!
She actually paid!Copy !req
613. I'm so touched!Copy !req
614. Where's Craig?Copy !req
615. Oh, he went home to Connecticut.Copy !req
616. But he'll be back
for New Year's Eve.Copy !req
617. Sorry we won't be
seeing him tonight.Copy !req
618. All right, big brother by three
weeks, who's your Secret Santa?Copy !req
619. I'll tell you, Sam.Copy !req
620. This one's tough.Copy !req
621. I have received a harmonica...Copy !req
622. a Magnetic Poetry set...Copy !req
623. a book about Harvey Milk...Copy !req
624. and a mix tape with the
song "Asleep" on it twice.Copy !req
625. I mean, I have no idea.Copy !req
626. This collection of
presents is so gay...Copy !req
627. that I think I must have
given them to myself.Copy !req
628. But despite that
distinct possibility...Copy !req
629. I'm gonna have to go with...Copy !req
630. Drum roll.Copy !req
631. - Charlie.
- Oh!Copy !req
632. Obviously.Copy !req
633. Beautifully done.Copy !req
634. All right, Charlie.
It's your turn.Copy !req
635. Okay.Copy !req
636. Okey dokey.Copy !req
637. I have received socks,
pants, a shirt and a belt.Copy !req
638. I was ordered to wear
them all tonight, so...Copy !req
639. Guessing my Secret Santa
is Mary Elizabeth.Copy !req
640. Huh. Now
why do you say that?Copy !req
641. You know, she bosses
people around sometimes.Copy !req
642. Sorry.Copy !req
643. - What the hell is wrong with you?
- Sorry.Copy !req
644. You'll be surprised to know that
your Secret Santa is actually me.Copy !req
645. Why all the clothes?Copy !req
646. Well, all the great writers
used to wear great suits.Copy !req
647. So your last present is on a
towel rack in the bathroom.Copy !req
648. Delve into our facilities.Copy !req
649. Emerge a star.Copy !req
650. Perfect.Copy !req
651. Will you hand these
out while I'm gone?Copy !req
652. Wait a second.Copy !req
653. There's only Secret Santa presents.
There's rules.Copy !req
654. Mary Elizabeth, why are you
trying to eat Christmas?Copy !req
655. Hand them out, Sam.Copy !req
656. All right. Mary Elizabeth.
For you.Copy !req
657. Alice.Copy !req
658. Thanks.Copy !req
659. Bob.Copy !req
660. And this one's for me.Copy !req
661. "Alice, I know you'll
get into NYU."Copy !req
662. Forty dollars to print Punk
Rocky in color next time.Copy !req
663. He knows me.Copy !req
664. He really knows me.Copy !req
665. All right, Charlie.Copy !req
666. Come on out.Copy !req
667. Get out here, buddy.Copy !req
668. Come on, Charlie. Charlie!Copy !req
669. Don't be shy.Copy !req
670. Come out, come out, wherever...Copy !req
671. Oh!Copy !req
672. Yeah!Copy !req
673. What a display of man
I have never seen!Copy !req
674. Where are we going?Copy !req
675. It's a surprise.Copy !req
676. Is this your room?Copy !req
677. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
678. So cool.Copy !req
679. Thanks.Copy !req
680. You got me a present?Copy !req
681. After all your help on my
Penn State application?Copy !req
682. Of course I did.Copy !req
683. Open it!Copy !req
684. I don't know what to say.Copy !req
685. You don't have to say anything.Copy !req
686. I'm really sorry we can't
be here for your birthday.Copy !req
687. No, that's okay. I'm just sorry you
have to go back and visit your dad.Copy !req
688. I'm in such a good mood I don't
think even he could ruin it.Copy !req
689. I feel like I'm
finally doing good.Copy !req
690. You are.Copy !req
691. Well, what about you?Copy !req
692. When I met you, you were
this scared freshman.Copy !req
693. Now look at you in that suit.Copy !req
694. You're like a sexy
English schoolboy.Copy !req
695. I saw Mary Elizabeth
checking you out.Copy !req
696. No.Copy !req
697. Innocent.Copy !req
698. Worst kinda guys.Copy !req
699. Never see you coming.Copy !req
700. And parents love you.Copy !req
701. That's, like...Copy !req
702. extra danger.Copy !req
703. Yeah, well, it hasn't
worked so far.Copy !req
704. You've never had a girlfriend?Copy !req
705. Not even like a second
grade Valentine?Copy !req
706. Nope.Copy !req
707. Have you ever kissed a girl?Copy !req
708. No.Copy !req
709. What about you?Copy !req
710. Have I ever kissed a girl?Copy !req
711. No, no. Your first kiss.Copy !req
712. I was 11.Copy !req
713. His name was Robert.Copy !req
714. He used to come over to
the house all the time.Copy !req
715. Was he your first boyfriend?Copy !req
716. He was my...Copy !req
717. He was my dad's boss.Copy !req
718. You know, Charlie, I used to sleep
with guys who treated me like shit.Copy !req
719. And get wasted all the time.Copy !req
720. But now I feel like...Copy !req
721. I have a chance. Like...Copy !req
722. I can even get into
a real college.Copy !req
723. It's true. You can do it.Copy !req
724. You really think so?Copy !req
725. My aunt had that same
thing done to her, too.Copy !req
726. And she turned her life around.Copy !req
727. She must have been great.Copy !req
728. She was my favorite
person in the world.Copy !req
729. Until now.Copy !req
730. Charlie...Copy !req
731. I know that you
know I like Craig.Copy !req
732. But I want to forget about
that for a minute, okay?Copy !req
733. Okay.Copy !req
734. I just wanna make sure that the
first person who kisses you...Copy !req
735. loves you.Copy !req
736. Okay?Copy !req
737. Okay.Copy !req
738. I love you, Charlie.Copy !req
739. I love you, too.Copy !req
740. I wanna
do Secret Santa forever!Copy !req
741. Have a good time at your mom's.Copy !req
742. Thanks. And, listen, Charlie.Copy !req
743. Because your birthday's
on Christmas Eve...Copy !req
744. I figure you don't get
that many presents?Copy !req
745. I thought you should
have my clock.Copy !req
746. From the heart.Copy !req
747. Thank you, Patrick.Copy !req
748. Bye.Copy !req
749. Have a good one, guys.Copy !req
750. I love you guys!Copy !req
751. Hey!Copy !req
752. Look who's here.Copy !req
753. - Come here, little sister.
- Hey, Chris.Copy !req
754. Hey, honey. Ah.Copy !req
755. Ma, you look so thin.Copy !req
756. You. Look at you.Copy !req
757. Charlie.Copy !req
758. Come on, I got dinner ready.Copy !req
759. - Happy birthday.
- Thanks.Copy !req
760. Let's eat.Copy !req
761. Make a wish, honey.Copy !req
762. Can you
see it, Charlie?Copy !req
763. The luminaria is a landing
strip for Santa Claus.Copy !req
764. Why don't you keep an eye out for
him, and I will be right back, okay?Copy !req
765. Going to get
your birthday present.Copy !req
766. Hey.Copy !req
767. God, I miss Mom's cooking.Copy !req
768. You have no idea how
good you have it.Copy !req
769. I'm actually starting
to hate pizza.Copy !req
770. Mmm.Copy !req
771. So how you liking school?Copy !req
772. Well, I'm no braniac
like you or Candace.Copy !req
773. I'm doing okay.Copy !req
774. Okay? You're playing
in a bowl game.Copy !req
775. How are you feeling, Charlie?Copy !req
776. Good.Copy !req
777. No, you know what I mean.Copy !req
778. Is it bad tonight?Copy !req
779. No.Copy !req
780. I'm not picturing
things anymore.Copy !req
781. Or if I do, I can
just shut it off.Copy !req
782. Well, you know, Mom did say
that you have good friends now.Copy !req
783. And maybe if it does
get bad again...Copy !req
784. you can just talk to them. Yeah?Copy !req
785. Yeah.Copy !req
786. Especially Sam. She's great.Copy !req
787. I'm gonna ask her
out at New Year's.Copy !req
788. I think the time is right now.Copy !req
789. - Body of Christ.
- Amen.Copy !req
790. How long does this take to work?Copy !req
791. Shovelin' snow, huh?Copy !req
792. I have to get
this driveway clean.Copy !req
793. And then...Copy !req
794. I'm going to congratulate
you on being happy.Copy !req
795. 'Cause you deserve it.Copy !req
796. You said
that an hour ago.Copy !req
797. Was that tonight?Copy !req
798. Oh, I just...Copy !req
799. saw this tree, but
it was a dragon.Copy !req
800. Then it was a tree again
and it just lied to me.Copy !req
801. Okay, Charlie, don't freak out.
Give me this.Copy !req
802. Calm down.Copy !req
803. Look up.Copy !req
804. Isn't it quiet?Copy !req
805. Sam, do you think
if people knew...Copy !req
806. how crazy you really were, no
one would ever talk to you?Copy !req
807. All the time.Copy !req
808. So you wanna wear these glasses?Copy !req
809. They'll protect you.Copy !req
810. 10, 9, 8, 7...Copy !req
811. 6, 5, 4...Copy !req
812. 3, 2, 1!Copy !req
813. It's gonna be our little secret.Copy !req
814. Did your older friends
pressure you?Copy !req
815. No one pressured me, Officer.Copy !req
816. I would never do drugs. Never.Copy !req
817. Then how did you happen to be passed out
on the ground at 6:00 in the morning?Copy !req
818. Well, I, um-I-I
was really tired.Copy !req
819. And I was feeling feverish...Copy !req
820. so I went outside for a walk
just to get some cold air.Copy !req
821. I started seeing things,
so I passed out.Copy !req
822. You're seeing things
again, Charlie?Copy !req
823. Not really.Copy !req
824. Nice suit.Copy !req
825. It was a Christmas present.Copy !req
826. Did you have fun on your break?Copy !req
827. More fun than you're gonna
have today, Sinatra.Copy !req
828. Nice look, jag-off.Copy !req
829. I've called
him 30 times.Copy !req
830. What are we supposed to do?
We're going on in 10 minutes.Copy !req
831. - They said in health class...
- Hello?Copy !req
832. They say that about L.S.D.
just to scare you.Copy !req
833. - Are you sure? You know I've seen...
- Charlie, you're fine, man.Copy !req
834. Guys, we have an emergency.Copy !req
835. Craig has flaked
out on us again.Copy !req
836. So I need a Rocky.Copy !req
837. Brad?Copy !req
838. No. No way. No. I'm not.Copy !req
839. There's people out there. No.Copy !req
840. Charlie, take off your clothes.Copy !req
841. Maybe I can join the cast as
an alternate or something.Copy !req
842. Well, we're filled up now...Copy !req
843. but they're gonna need people
when we go to college.Copy !req
844. We could put in a
good word for you.Copy !req
845. That'd be great. Thanks.Copy !req
846. Yeah.Copy !req
847. Charlie.Copy !req
848. Have you heard of the
Sadie Hawkins dance?Copy !req
849. The one where the
girl asks the guy?Copy !req
850. Obviously, it is
completely stupid.Copy !req
851. And sexist. I mean, it's like
"Hey, thanks for the crumb."Copy !req
852. And normally, I would just blow it off,
because school dances suck torture.Copy !req
853. But, you know, it's
my last year and...Copy !req
854. Would you maybe
wanna go with me?Copy !req
855. You wanna go with me?Copy !req
856. Yeah, I'm sick of macho guys.Copy !req
857. Plus you looked really
cute in your costume.Copy !req
858. So what do you say?Copy !req
859. You must be Mary Elizabeth.Copy !req
860. Yes.Copy !req
861. It's so nice to meet you.Copy !req
862. You, too, Mrs. Kelmeckis.Copy !req
863. Charlie tells me
you're a Buddhist.Copy !req
864. - Please, come in.
- Okay.Copy !req
865. A little closer together.Copy !req
866. - That looks nice.
- Hmm.Copy !req
867. Buddhist, I need you to
smile a little bit more.Copy !req
868. There you go. Nice.Copy !req
869. Hey.Copy !req
870. Hey.Copy !req
871. Are you having a good time?Copy !req
872. Not really. How about you?Copy !req
873. I mean, I don't know.Copy !req
874. It's my first date, I don't
have much to compare it to.Copy !req
875. You're doing fine.Copy !req
876. Sorry Craig couldn't come.Copy !req
877. Yeah. He said he didn't want to go
to some stupid high school dance.Copy !req
878. I can't say I blame him really.Copy !req
879. I don't know. If you
like it, he should come.Copy !req
880. Thanks, Charlie.Copy !req
881. Have a beautiful first date.Copy !req
882. You deserve it.Copy !req
883. I'll try not to make
you too jealous.Copy !req
884. Mmm!Copy !req
885. Now just let it breathe.Copy !req
886. Whoa.Copy !req
887. It sure is a nice house.Copy !req
888. Thanks.Copy !req
889. Mmm.Copy !req
890. Don't you just love old music?Copy !req
891. Yeah.Copy !req
892. Good. 'Cause I made
you a mix of it.Copy !req
893. I'd love to expose you
to great things like...Copy !req
894. Billie Holiday and
foreign films.Copy !req
895. This merlot is really fancy.Copy !req
896. Yeah. My dad collects wine,
but he doesn't drink.Copy !req
897. That's kinda weird, isn't it?Copy !req
898. I guess. Where are your parents?Copy !req
899. Their club's hosting a
cotillion or something racist.Copy !req
900. They'll be gone all night.Copy !req
901. Sure is a nice fire.Copy !req
902. Yeah.Copy !req
903. When I'm done being
a lobbyist...Copy !req
904. I wanna move to a house
like this in Cape Cod.Copy !req
905. Sounds nice, doesn't it?Copy !req
906. Yeah.Copy !req
907. Your heart is beating
really fast.Copy !req
908. Is it?Copy !req
909. Here. Feel.Copy !req
910. - Charlie?
- Uh-huh?Copy !req
911. Do you like me?Copy !req
912. Uh-huh.Copy !req
913. You know what I mean.Copy !req
914. I think so.Copy !req
915. Don't be nervous.Copy !req
916. Charlie.Copy !req
917. I didn't know how tonight
was gonna go, but-.Copy !req
918. It's really nice, isn't it?Copy !req
919. Yeah.Copy !req
920. I just can't believe it.Copy !req
921. You, of all people.Copy !req
922. I just can't believe
you're my boyfriend.Copy !req
923. Shit! My parents! Shit!Copy !req
924. - Here, zip this up.
- Okay. No, I got this.Copy !req
925. Just zip it up like
a normal zipper!Copy !req
926. It's stuck. It's just...Copy !req
927. Thank you.Copy !req
928. See you Monday.Copy !req
929. Dear friend...Copy !req
930. sorry I haven't written
for a while...Copy !req
931. but things are a total disaster.Copy !req
932. We're literally making
out and I'm in my bra...Copy !req
933. Hello! And the front door
opens, it's my parents!Copy !req
934. I probably should
have been honest about...Copy !req
935. how I didn't want to go out with
Mary Elizabeth after Sadie's, but...Copy !req
936. I really didn't want
to hurt her feelings.Copy !req
937. You see, Mary Elizabeth is
a really nice person...Copy !req
938. underneath the part of
her that hates everyone.Copy !req
939. Hey!Copy !req
940. And since I heard that having a
girlfriend makes you happy...Copy !req
941. I tried hard to love
her like I love Sam.Copy !req
942. Can you believe it's almost
our 2-week anniversary?Copy !req
943. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
944. So I took her on double dates.Copy !req
945. First foreign film.Copy !req
946. Do you want butter
on your popcorn?Copy !req
947. Vegans don't eat butter.Copy !req
948. And I tried not to mind
that she loves to hold hands...Copy !req
949. even when her hands are sweaty.Copy !req
950. And I had to admit something
really upsetting, but...Copy !req
951. I'm tired of touching her boobs.Copy !req
952. I thought maybe if she would just
let me pick the make-out music...Copy !req
953. once in a while, we
might have a chance.Copy !req
954. And maybe if she didn't put down the
books that Mr. Anderson gives me.Copy !req
955. Walden.Copy !req
956. I read this in 7th grade.Copy !req
957. I would have called
it On Boring Pond.Copy !req
958. Or if she would stop calling me the
minute I get home from school...Copy !req
959. when I have absolutely nothing to talk
about other than the bus ride home.Copy !req
960. Somehow she finds
new things to say.Copy !req
961. That dairy just sits with you.Copy !req
962. You know, it walks with you.Copy !req
963. She's on
the phone right now?Copy !req
964. Charlie, you've gotta
break up with her.Copy !req
965. I can do that?Copy !req
966. For Christ's sake, I
need to use the phone.Copy !req
967. I got you this book.Copy !req
968. It's really how I
became a vegan.Copy !req
969. I know I
should have been honest...Copy !req
970. but I was getting so mad, it
was starting to scare me.Copy !req
971. I mean
the way they treat those...Copy !req
972. I just wish I could
have found another way to break up.Copy !req
973. Um, Mary Elizabeth,
can I talk to you...Copy !req
974. Charlie, please don't interrupt.
You know I hate that.Copy !req
975. In hindsight, I
probably could not have picked...Copy !req
976. a worse way to be honest
with Mary Elizabeth.Copy !req
977. Truth or dare?Copy !req
978. Who are you talking to?Copy !req
979. I dare you to kiss Alice.Copy !req
980. Oh.Copy !req
981. Gird your loins, procreator.Copy !req
982. Oh, my God.Copy !req
983. Mary Elizabeth, Samantha told me that
you got into Harvard. Congratulations.Copy !req
984. Thank you. This one still
hasn't gotten me flowers.Copy !req
985. But I forgive you.Copy !req
986. Hey, don't worry about
Penn State. You're just wait-listed.Copy !req
987. Yeah.Copy !req
988. You guys are about to
miss some severely hot fag-on-goth action.Copy !req
989. Wow.Copy !req
990. Get a room.Copy !req
991. Mmm!
You're a monster.Copy !req
992. My turn. Let's see.Copy !req
993. Let's think. Charlie.Copy !req
994. Truth.Copy !req
995. How's your first
relationship going?Copy !req
996. It's so bad...Copy !req
997. that I keep fantasizing that
one of us is dying of cancer.Copy !req
998. So that I don't have
to break up with her.Copy !req
999. Charlie? Truth or dare?Copy !req
1000. Hello?Copy !req
1001. Dare.Copy !req
1002. Okay, I dare you to kiss the
prettiest girl in the room...Copy !req
1003. on the lips.Copy !req
1004. And notice I charitably said
"girl" and not "person"...Copy !req
1005. because, let's face it, I'd
smoke all you bitches.Copy !req
1006. Oh, that's fucked up.Copy !req
1007. Mary Elizabeth.Copy !req
1008. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
1009. It was a mistake, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1010. Sam? Sam?Copy !req
1011. I really didn't mean anything by it.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
1012. What the hell is wrong with you?Copy !req
1013. I should
go back and apologize.Copy !req
1014. Charlie, trust me, you don't
wanna go back in there.Copy !req
1015. I'm really sorry. I didn't
mean to do anything.Copy !req
1016. I know you didn't.Copy !req
1017. But, look,Copy !req
1018. I hate to be the one
to break this...Copy !req
1019. but there's history with
Mary Elizabeth and Sam.Copy !req
1020. Other guys and things that
have nothing to do with you.Copy !req
1021. It's best if you just
stay away for a while.Copy !req
1022. Oh, okay.Copy !req
1023. How long do you think?Copy !req
1024. Charlie.Copy !req
1025. Come on, get dressed. You're
gonna be late for Easter Mass.Copy !req
1026. I'll be there in a minute.Copy !req
1027. Our Father, who art
in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.Copy !req
1028. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be
done on earth as it is in heaven.Copy !req
1029. Give us this day
our daily bread...Copy !req
1030. and forgive us our trespasses...Copy !req
1031. as we forgive those who
trespass against us.Copy !req
1032. And lead us not into
temptation, but deliver us...Copy !req
1033. Mary Elizabeth, I've been listening
to the Billie Holiday CD every night.Copy !req
1034. It's too late, Charlie.Copy !req
1035. I know. I just feel really
bad about what I did.Copy !req
1036. I just get so messed up inside.Copy !req
1037. Like I'm not there or something.Copy !req
1038. Tell
it to someone who cares.Copy !req
1039. Look, I know. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1040. Just we've all become
such good friends.Copy !req
1041. Good friends?Copy !req
1042. Do you mean the people that I've
known since kindergarten...Copy !req
1043. and you've known for six months?Copy !req
1044. Those good friends?Copy !req
1045. Yeah, I mean, I just don't wanna do
anything to ruin our relationship.Copy !req
1046. It's ruined. Okay?Copy !req
1047. So stop calling everyone.
Stop embarrassing yourself.Copy !req
1048. Okay, I will. Good...Copy !req
1049. - Something's wrong with me.
- Don't worry about it.Copy !req
1050. Hey, have you heard
from Patrick?Copy !req
1051. No, he told me to stay away.Copy !req
1052. Oh. You don't know.Copy !req
1053. Why? Why? What happened?Copy !req
1054. Brad's father caught
them together.Copy !req
1055. Some kids jumped
him outside the O.Copy !req
1056. No, it was some
kids from North Hills.Copy !req
1057. Did you see his face?Copy !req
1058. That's not what I heard.Copy !req
1059. Are you okay?Copy !req
1060. Not now, Charlie. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1061. Hey, Nothing.Copy !req
1062. Oops. Sorry, Nothing.Copy !req
1063. You gonna do anything?Copy !req
1064. What are you talking about?Copy !req
1065. I'm talking about your
pet ape just tripped me.Copy !req
1066. Gonna say something?Copy !req
1067. - Why would I?
- You know why.Copy !req
1068. This is pathetic, man.
Your fixation on me.Copy !req
1069. Do you want your friends to know
how you got those bruises? Really?Copy !req
1070. I got jumped in a parking lot.Copy !req
1071. Where? Schenley Park?Copy !req
1072. Do you guys know
about Schenley Park?Copy !req
1073. - Do your friends know...
- I don't know what kinda sick shit...Copy !req
1074. you're trying to pull, but you
better walk away right now.Copy !req
1075. Nothing.Copy !req
1076. Fine.Copy !req
1077. Say hi to your dad for me.Copy !req
1078. Whatever, faggot.Copy !req
1079. - What did you just call me?
- Just called you a faggot.Copy !req
1080. Say that shit again!
Say that shit again!Copy !req
1081. It's Patrick!Copy !req
1082. Leave him alone!Copy !req
1083. Sam!Copy !req
1084. Stop! Leave him! Stop!Copy !req
1085. Stop!Copy !req
1086. Touch my friends again
and I'll blind you.Copy !req
1087. Charlie?Copy !req
1088. Yeah?Copy !req
1089. Thanks for stopping 'em.Copy !req
1090. Sure, Brad.Copy !req
1091. How you doing, Charlie?Copy !req
1092. I don't know.Copy !req
1093. I keep trying, but I can't
really remember what I did.Copy !req
1094. Do you want me to tell you?Copy !req
1095. Yeah.Copy !req
1096. You saved my brother.Copy !req
1097. That's what you did.Copy !req
1098. So you're not scared of me?Copy !req
1099. No.Copy !req
1100. Can we be friends again?Copy !req
1101. Of course.Copy !req
1102. Come on.Copy !req
1103. Let's go be psychos together.Copy !req
1104. I'm dating Peter now.Copy !req
1105. He's in college with Craig.Copy !req
1106. He's opinionated. We have
intellectual debates.Copy !req
1107. You were very sweet but our
relationship was too one-sided.Copy !req
1108. I know this is hard for you.Copy !req
1109. I'm just glad that you're happy.Copy !req
1110. Okay.Copy !req
1111. Hey, Craig, Sam will be down.
Soon.Copy !req
1112. Oy vey. We're gonna
miss the movie.Copy !req
1113. Yeah, I'll go put some pep in her step.
Don't worry.Copy !req
1114. Hello?Copy !req
1115. Hey. Do you wanna
get out of here?Copy !req
1116. Sure, Patrick.Copy !req
1117. I'll tell you
something, Charlie...Copy !req
1118. I feel good. You
know what I mean?Copy !req
1119. Maybe tomorrow I'll take you to
this karaoke place downtown.Copy !req
1120. And this club off the Strip.
They don't card.Copy !req
1121. And the Schenley Park scene.Copy !req
1122. You have to see the Fruit
Loop at least one time.Copy !req
1123. Oh, my God. My life is officially
an after-school special.Copy !req
1124. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
1125. It really is.Copy !req
1126. It so is.Copy !req
1127. So, you ever hear
the one about Lily Miller?Copy !req
1128. I don't know.Copy !req
1129. Really?Copy !req
1130. I thought your brother would have told you.
It's a classic.Copy !req
1131. Maybe.Copy !req
1132. Okay, Lily comes here one
night with this guy Parker.Copy !req
1133. And this was to be the night that
they were gonna lose their virginity.Copy !req
1134. So she did it really proper.
She packed a picnic.Copy !req
1135. Stole a bottle of wine.Copy !req
1136. Everything was perfect and
they're just about to "do it."Copy !req
1137. When they realize they
forgot the condoms.Copy !req
1138. - So what do you think happened?
- I don't know.Copy !req
1139. They did it with one
of the sandwich bags.Copy !req
1140. Ew!Copy !req
1141. Oh, that's disgusting!Copy !req
1142. Yes, it is.Copy !req
1143. Come on! Let's keep
the train rolling.Copy !req
1144. Suburban legend, Charlie.Copy !req
1145. Well,Copy !req
1146. There's this girl named
Second Base Stace.Copy !req
1147. And, well, she had
boobs in 4th grade.Copy !req
1148. Mosquito bites. Promising. Go.Copy !req
1149. And she let some of
the guys feel them.Copy !req
1150. - That's your suburban legend?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1151. - Did you at least cop a feel?
- No.Copy !req
1152. No. Of course not.
You went home...Copy !req
1153. listened to "Asleep,"
wrote a poem...Copy !req
1154. Fine. Okay. Your turn.Copy !req
1155. Hmm.Copy !req
1156. Yeah. I've got one.Copy !req
1157. Well...Copy !req
1158. there's this one guy.Copy !req
1159. Queer as a 3-dollar bill.Copy !req
1160. The guy's father doesn't
know about his son.Copy !req
1161. So he comes into the basement one night
when he's supposed to be out of town.Copy !req
1162. Catches his son
with another boy.Copy !req
1163. So he starts beating him.Copy !req
1164. But not like the slap kind.
Like, the real kind.Copy !req
1165. And the boyfriend says,
"Stop. You're killing him."Copy !req
1166. But the son just
yells, "Get out."Copy !req
1167. And eventually...Copy !req
1168. the boyfriend just did.Copy !req
1169. Why can't you save anybody?Copy !req
1170. I don't know.Copy !req
1171. Forget it.Copy !req
1172. I'm free now, right?Copy !req
1173. I could meet the love
of my life any second.Copy !req
1174. Things will be different
now and that's good.Copy !req
1175. I just need to meet a good guy.Copy !req
1176. Yeah.Copy !req
1177. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
1178. It's all right.Copy !req
1179. I've been spending
a lot of time with Patrick.Copy !req
1180. He begins every night
really excited.Copy !req
1181. He always says he feels free
and tonight is his destiny.Copy !req
1182. But after a while he runs out
of things to keep himself numb.Copy !req
1183. And Sam got her letter
from Penn State.Copy !req
1184. "We will require you to
take our summer session..."Copy !req
1185. "at the main campus immediately following
your high school graduation."Copy !req
1186. She got in, Charlie.Copy !req
1187. After that, all Patrick could talk about
was college and all their futures.Copy !req
1188. Alice did get into
NYU film school.Copy !req
1189. Patrick is going to the
University of Washington...Copy !req
1190. because he wants to be
near the music in Seattle.Copy !req
1191. But he wasn't going to leave without
organizing the best senior prank ever.Copy !req
1192. Sam is going away right
after graduation.Copy !req
1193. It all feels very exciting.Copy !req
1194. I just wish it were
happening to me.Copy !req
1195. Especially because, ever since I
blacked out in the cafeteria...Copy !req
1196. it's been getting worse.Copy !req
1197. And I can't turn
it off this time.Copy !req
1198. All right, guys, you wanna pass your
copies of Gatsby up to the front, please.Copy !req
1199. And I know it's the last day...Copy !req
1200. but if we could keep it to a
dull roar, I'd appreciate it.Copy !req
1201. Thank you.Copy !req
1202. Guy. Guys. Thank you
for such a great year.Copy !req
1203. I had a blast. I
hope you did, too.Copy !req
1204. And I hope you have a great time
this summer on your vacations.Copy !req
1205. Now who here is gonna read
for pleasure this summer?Copy !req
1206. Charlie.Copy !req
1207. Very good.Copy !req
1208. Have a good summer.Copy !req
1209. Last day.Copy !req
1210. Yeah.Copy !req
1211. So I know it's none of my
business, but have you decided?Copy !req
1212. Are you going to New York?Copy !req
1213. Well,Copy !req
1214. My wife and I like it here.Copy !req
1215. And I think I might be better
at teaching than writing.Copy !req
1216. You know, Charlie, I was
thinking that, uh...Copy !req
1217. maybe I could still give
you books next year.Copy !req
1218. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
1219. I think you could write
one of them one day.Copy !req
1220. - Really?
- I do.Copy !req
1221. You're the best teacher
I've ever had.Copy !req
1222. Thank you.Copy !req
1223. Ten, nine, eight...Copy !req
1224. seven, six, five...Copy !req
1225. four, three, two, one.Copy !req
1226. Dear friend...Copy !req
1227. I wanted to tell you
about us running.Copy !req
1228. There was this beautiful sunset.Copy !req
1229. And just a few hours
before, everyone I love...Copy !req
1230. had their last day
of high school ever.Copy !req
1231. I was happy because
they were happy...Copy !req
1232. even though I counted
and I have...Copy !req
1233. 1,095 days to go.Copy !req
1234. I kept imagining what school
would be like without them...Copy !req
1235. as they were all getting
ready for their prom.Copy !req
1236. My sister finally decided
to break up with Derek...Copy !req
1237. and go stag with her
girlfriends instead.Copy !req
1238. And then there was Sam.Copy !req
1239. I've looked at her picture
since that night.Copy !req
1240. I like to see how happy
she was before she knew.Copy !req
1241. They were in a hotel suite after
prom and the truth came out.Copy !req
1242. Basically Craig has been
cheating on Sam the whole time.Copy !req
1243. When I heard that...Copy !req
1244. I kept thinking about the
happy girl in these pictures.Copy !req
1245. 'Cause she doesn't have
1,095 days to go.Copy !req
1246. She made it.Copy !req
1247. This is her time.Copy !req
1248. And no one should be
able to take that away.Copy !req
1249. Congratulations.Copy !req
1250. Oh, Charlie. Charlie's here.
Guys, group photo.Copy !req
1251. We should all take
a group photo.Copy !req
1252. Ooh! Get against the railing
and try to look suave.Copy !req
1253. Yep, this is the one. That's
gonna be a great angle.Copy !req
1254. At her going away party...Copy !req
1255. I wanted her to know about that
night we went through the tunnel.Copy !req
1256. And how for the first time...Copy !req
1257. I felt like I
belonged somewhere.Copy !req
1258. And tomorrow, she's leaving.Copy !req
1259. So I wanted to give
her a part of me.Copy !req
1260. Are these all your
books, Charlie?Copy !req
1261. Thanks for staying up with me.Copy !req
1262. Sure.Copy !req
1263. My brother said Penn State has this
restaurant called Ye Olde College Diner.Copy !req
1264. You have to get a grilled
sticky on your first night.Copy !req
1265. It's a tradition.Copy !req
1266. That sounds like fun.Copy !req
1267. Yeah.Copy !req
1268. Pretty soon, you'll have a whole
new group of friends, you know.Copy !req
1269. You won't even think about
this place anymore.Copy !req
1270. Yes, I will.Copy !req
1271. Had lunch with Craig today.Copy !req
1272. Yeah?Copy !req
1273. He said he was sorry and that I
was right to break up with him.Copy !req
1274. I'm driving away and
was feeling so small.Copy !req
1275. Just asking myself, "Why do
I and everyone I love..."Copy !req
1276. "pick people who treat
us like we're nothing?"Copy !req
1277. We accept the love
we think we deserve.Copy !req
1278. Then why didn't you
ever ask me out?Copy !req
1279. I, um...Copy !req
1280. I just didn't think
that you wanted that.Copy !req
1281. Well, what did you want?Copy !req
1282. I just want you to be happy.Copy !req
1283. Don't you get it, Charlie?Copy !req
1284. I can't feel that.Copy !req
1285. It's really sweet and
everything, but,Copy !req
1286. You can't just sit there and put
everybody's lives ahead of yours...Copy !req
1287. and think that counts as love.Copy !req
1288. I don't want to be
somebody's crush.Copy !req
1289. I want people to
like the real me.Copy !req
1290. I know who you are, Sam.Copy !req
1291. I know I'm quiet.Copy !req
1292. And I know I should speak more.Copy !req
1293. But if you knew the things that
were in my head most of the time...Copy !req
1294. you'd know what it really meant.Copy !req
1295. How much we're alike...Copy !req
1296. and how we've been
through the same things.Copy !req
1297. And you're not small.Copy !req
1298. You're beautiful.Copy !req
1299. What's wrong, Charlie?Copy !req
1300. Nothing.Copy !req
1301. You know I'm gonna
call you all the time.Copy !req
1302. - We're gonna see each other in New York.
- All the time.Copy !req
1303. Come on, Sam.Copy !req
1304. What's wrong, Charlie?Copy !req
1305. Put your seat belt on.Copy !req
1306. We'll meet you there.Copy !req
1307. Don't wake your sister.Copy !req
1308. It'll be our little
secret, okay?Copy !req
1309. Look, Charlie,
she's fast asleep.Copy !req
1310. Don't wake your sister.Copy !req
1311. My fault.Copy !req
1312. It's all my fault.Copy !req
1313. It'll be our little secret.
Okay?Copy !req
1314. Stop it.Copy !req
1315. Stop.Copy !req
1316. Stop crying.Copy !req
1317. This'll
be our little secret.Copy !req
1318. Candace. Your brother's
on the phone.Copy !req
1319. Hello?Copy !req
1320. - Hey, Candace.
- Charlie?Copy !req
1321. Sam and Patrick left, and I can't
stop thinking about something.Copy !req
1322. Shh. What?Copy !req
1323. Candace...Copy !req
1324. I killed Aunt Helen, didn't I?Copy !req
1325. She died getting my
birthday present...Copy !req
1326. so I guess I killed her, right?Copy !req
1327. I've tried to stop thinking
that, but I can't.Copy !req
1328. She keeps driving
away and dying.Copy !req
1329. Call the police and
send them to my house.Copy !req
1330. I can't stop her.
I'm crazy again.Copy !req
1331. No. Charlie, listen to me.Copy !req
1332. Mom and Dad are gonna be
home with Chris any second.Copy !req
1333. I'm just thinking...Copy !req
1334. what if I wanted her
to die, Candace?Copy !req
1335. What? Charlie?Copy !req
1336. Charlie!Copy !req
1337. Charlie?Copy !req
1338. I'm Dr. Burton.Copy !req
1339. Where am I?Copy !req
1340. Mayview Hospital.Copy !req
1341. You, uh-You have to let me go.
My dad can't afford it.Copy !req
1342. Oh, don't worry about that.Copy !req
1343. No. I saw them when
I was little...Copy !req
1344. and I don't want to
be a Mayview kid.Copy !req
1345. Just tell me how to stop it.Copy !req
1346. Stop what?Copy !req
1347. Seeing it.Copy !req
1348. All their lives all the time.Copy !req
1349. How do you stop seeing it?Copy !req
1350. Seeing what, Charlie?Copy !req
1351. There is so much pain.Copy !req
1352. And I don't know how
to not notice it.Copy !req
1353. What's hurting you?Copy !req
1354. No, not me.Copy !req
1355. It's them. It's everyone.
It never stops.Copy !req
1356. Do you understand?Copy !req
1357. What about your Aunt Helen?Copy !req
1358. What about her?Copy !req
1359. Do you see her?Copy !req
1360. Yes.Copy !req
1361. She had a terrible life.Copy !req
1362. God, what am I supposed to...Copy !req
1363. You said some things
about her in your sleep.Copy !req
1364. I don't care.Copy !req
1365. If you want to get better...Copy !req
1366. you have to.Copy !req
1367. She,Copy !req
1368. She was insane.Copy !req
1369. I'm just sayin'.Copy !req
1370. She...Copy !req
1371. Charlie?Copy !req
1372. You gonna let me help you here?Copy !req
1373. Okay.Copy !req
1374. Do you remember anything
before you blacked out?Copy !req
1375. I remember leaving Sam's house.Copy !req
1376. I was walking home. And...Copy !req
1377. I was in the
hospital for a while.Copy !req
1378. I won't go into detail
about all of it.Copy !req
1379. But I will say there
were some very bad days.Copy !req
1380. And some unexpected
beautiful days.Copy !req
1381. The worst day was the time my
doctor told my mom and dad...Copy !req
1382. what Aunt Helen did to me.Copy !req
1383. Honey?Copy !req
1384. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
1385. The best days were those
when I could have visitors.Copy !req
1386. My brother and sister
always came for those...Copy !req
1387. until Chris had to
go to training camp.Copy !req
1388. He's going to be first
string this year.Copy !req
1389. My sister told me she met a
nice guy at her summer job.Copy !req
1390. Here he is.Copy !req
1391. So I'll see you Thursday
at 6:00, right?Copy !req
1392. - Okay.
- You gonna hang in there?Copy !req
1393. My doctor said we can't
choose where we come from...Copy !req
1394. but we can choose where
we go from there.Copy !req
1395. I know it's not all
the answers...Copy !req
1396. but it was enough to start
putting these pieces together.Copy !req
1397. God bless this food we
are about to receive.Copy !req
1398. We thank you for this bounty...Copy !req
1399. in the name of our Lord
Jesus Christ, Amen.Copy !req
1400. - Amen.
- Amen.Copy !req
1401. How do you think the Penguins
are gonna do this year, Dad?Copy !req
1402. Goddamn Penguins.Copy !req
1403. Think they're allergic
to goddamn defense.Copy !req
1404. What do the players
call a puck again?Copy !req
1405. A biscuit.Copy !req
1406. Are you sure it's not
a "goddamn biscuit"?Copy !req
1407. You're cruisin' for a bruisin'.Copy !req
1408. Honey, I think
we're gonna have to do...Copy !req
1409. a little shopping for you
before you take off, huh?Copy !req
1410. - Yeah, I need some books.
- Clothes, too.Copy !req
1411. Yeah.Copy !req
1412. Can Charlie come out and play?Copy !req
1413. The first night, we
had grilled stickies.Copy !req
1414. So good.Copy !req
1415. You have to visit in the fall.
We'll have some, okay?Copy !req
1416. Definitely.Copy !req
1417. Oh, sorry...Copy !req
1418. Charlie has a breakdown
scheduled for October.Copy !req
1419. Well, can I tell you something?Copy !req
1420. I've been away for two months.Copy !req
1421. It's another world.Copy !req
1422. And it gets better.Copy !req
1423. And my roommate Katie has
the best taste in music.Copy !req
1424. I found the tunnel song.Copy !req
1425. Let's drive.Copy !req
1426. I don't know if I will have
the time to write any more letters...Copy !req
1427. because I might be too busy
trying to participate.Copy !req
1428. So, if this does end up
being the last letter...Copy !req
1429. I want you to know that I was in a bad
place before I started high school.Copy !req
1430. And you helped me.Copy !req
1431. Even if you didn't know
what I was talking about...Copy !req
1432. or know someone who's
gone through it.Copy !req
1433. You made me not feel alone.Copy !req
1434. Because I know there are people who
say all these things don't happen.Copy !req
1435. There are people who forget what it's
like to be 16 when they turn 17.Copy !req
1436. I know these will all
be stories someday.Copy !req
1437. And our pictures will
become old photographs.Copy !req
1438. And we'll all become
somebody's mom or dad.Copy !req
1439. But right now these
moments are not stories.Copy !req
1440. This is happening.Copy !req
1441. I am here.Copy !req
1442. And I am looking at her.Copy !req
1443. And she is so beautiful.Copy !req
1444. I can see it.Copy !req
1445. This one moment when you
know you're not a sad story.Copy !req
1446. You are alive.Copy !req
1447. You stand up and see the
lights on the buildings...Copy !req
1448. and everything that
makes you wonder.Copy !req
1449. And you're listening to
that song on that drive...Copy !req
1450. with the people you love
most in this world.Copy !req
1451. And in this moment, I swear...Copy !req
1452. we are infinite.Copy !req