1. Now [I think my winking days
are throughCopy !req
2. oJ Why can't she just
feel that way I do? J,"Copy !req
3. Dear friend...Copy !req
4. I am writing to you
because she said you listen and understand.Copy !req
5. And didn't try to sleep
with that person at that party...Copy !req
6. even though you could have.Copy !req
7. Please, don't try to figure out who I am.Copy !req
8. I don't want you to do that.Copy !req
9. I just need to know that people like you exist.Copy !req
10. Like, if you met me you wouldn't..Copy !req
11. think I was the weird kid
who spent time in the hospital.Copy !req
12. And I wouldn't make you nervous.Copy !req
13. I hope it's okay for me to think that.Copy !req
14. You see, I haven't really talked to anyone...Copy !req
15. outside of my family all summer.Copy !req
16. But tomorrow is my first day
of high school ever.Copy !req
17. And I need to turn things around.Copy !req
18. So I have a plan.Copy !req
19. As I enter the school for the first time...Copy !req
20. I will visualize what it will be like...Copy !req
21. on the last day of my senior year.Copy !req
22. Unfortunately, I counted and that's—Copy !req
23. Hop, freshman toads! Hop! Let's move it!Copy !req
24. 1,385 days from now.Copy !req
25. We worked out all summer. Rock hard.Copy !req
26. Hey, you know what?
Why don't you guys get a room?Copy !req
27. Just 1,385 days.Copy !req
28. In the meantime, I'd hoped that my sister,
Candace, and her boyfriend, Derek...Copy !req
29. would have let me eat lunch
with their Earth Club.Copy !req
30. Seniors only.Copy !req
31. What are you doing with that plastic spork?Copy !req
32. I don't wanna bring back silverware.Copy !req
33. Derek, you're Earth Club treasurer. Come on!Copy !req
34. When my sister said "No," I thought...Copy !req
35. maybe my old friend Susan
would wanna have lunch with me.Copy !req
36. In middle school,
Susan was very fun to be around...Copy !req
37. but now she doesn't
like to say "Hi" to me anymore.Copy !req
38. And then there's Brad Hays.Copy !req
39. Before my older brother
went to play football for Penn State...Copy !req
40. he and Brad played together...Copy !req
41. so I thought maybe he'd say "Hi" to me.Copy !req
42. But Brad's a senior.Copy !req
43. And I'm me. So who am I kidding?Copy !req
44. On the bright side...Copy !req
45. one senior decided to make fun of the teacher
instead of the freshmen.Copy !req
46. He even drew on Mr. Callahan's
legendary goatee...Copy !req
47. with a grease pencil.Copy !req
48. The prick punch is not a toy.Copy !req
49. I learned that back in 'Nam in '68.Copy !req
50. "Callahan," sergeant said...Copy !req
51. "you put down that prick punch.Copy !req
52. You go kill some gooks."Copy !req
53. And you know what happened?Copy !req
54. That prick punch killed my best friend
in a Saigon whorehouse.Copy !req
55. I heard you were gonna be in my class.Copy !req
56. Are you proud to be a senior...Copy !req
57. having to take freshman shop, Patty-Cakes?Copy !req
58. Look, my name is Patrick.Copy !req
59. Either you call me Patrick
or you call me nothing.Copy !req
60. Okay, Nothing.Copy !req
61. I felt really bad for Patrick.Copy !req
62. He wasn't doing the impersonation
to be mean or anything.Copy !req
63. He was just trying
to make us freshmen feel better.Copy !req
64. Nothing, why don't you read first?Copy !req
65. All right. "Chapter One.Copy !req
66. Surviving your fascist shop teacher...Copy !req
67. who needs to put kids down to feel big."Copy !req
68. Oh, wow,
this is useful, guys. We should read on.Copy !req
69. My last class of the day is Advanced English...Copy !req
70. and I'm really excited to finally learn...Copy !req
71. with the smartest kids in the school.Copy !req
72. Nice Trapper Keeper, faggot.Copy !req
73. Believe it or not,
she's gotten straight A's since kindergarten.Copy !req
74. Shh!Copy !req
75. I'm Mr. Anderson.Copy !req
76. I'm gonna be your teacher for freshman English.Copy !req
77. This semester we're gonna learn about...Copy !req
78. Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird.Copy !req
79. Genius book.Copy !req
80. Now, who'd like to get out
of the first pop quiz?Copy !req
81. I'm shocked. All right.
Well, you can skip the quiz...Copy !req
82. if you tell me which author
invented the paperback book.Copy !req
83. Anyone?Copy !req
84. He was British.Copy !req
85. He also invented the serial.Copy !req
86. In fact, at the end of
the third chapter of his first novel...Copy !req
87. he had a man hanging from
a cliff by his fingernails.Copy !req
88. Hence the term "cliff hanger."Copy !req
89. Anybody?Copy !req
90. - Yeah?
- Shakespeare.Copy !req
91. That's a great guess, but no.Copy !req
92. Shakespeare didn't write novels.Copy !req
93. Anybody else?Copy !req
94. Hmm?Copy !req
95. The author...Copy !req
96. was Charles Dickens.Copy !req
97. However, if you and I had
gone to a Shakespeare play...Copy !req
98. it would have cost us four pennies.Copy !req
99. Can you imagine that?Copy !req
100. We would have put those pennies in a metal box.Copy !req
101. The ushers would lock it in the office.Copy !req
102. And that's where we get the term—Copy !req
103. Cash register.Copy !req
104. Office Max.Copy !req
105. I'll give you a free "A" on anything...Copy !req
106. except the final term paper if you get it right.Copy !req
107. Box office.Copy !req
108. You should learn to participate.Copy !req
109. Why didn't you raise your hand?Copy !req
110. They call you the "teacher's pet"?Copy !req
111. "Freak"? That kinda thing?Copy !req
112. I used to get "spaz."Copy !req
113. I mean, come on, "spaz"?Copy !req
114. You know, I heard
you had a tough time last year.Copy !req
115. But they say if you make one friend...Copy !req
116. on your first day, you're doing okay.Copy !req
117. Thank you, sir, but if my English teacher...Copy !req
118. is the only friend I make today...Copy !req
119. that would be sort of depressing.Copy !req
120. Yeah, I can see that.Copy !req
121. Don't worry, Mr. Anderson, I'm okay.Copy !req
122. Thanks.Copy !req
123. I would happily not take shop—Copy !req
124. Hey, freshman toad.Copy !req
125. Well, I have 1,384 days to go.Copy !req
126. Just so I say it to someone...Copy !req
127. high school is even worse than middle school.Copy !req
128. If my parents ask me about it...Copy !req
129. I probably won't tell them the truth...Copy !req
130. because I don't want them...Copy !req
131. to worry that I might get bad again.Copy !req
132. If my Aunt Helen were still here,
I could talk to her...Copy !req
133. and I know she would understand...Copy !req
134. how I'm both happy and sad.Copy !req
135. And I'm still trying
to figure out how that could be.Copy !req
136. 1 just hope I make a friend soon.Copy !req
137. Love always, Charlie.Copy !req
138. Charlie? Come on.Copy !req
139. Mmm.Copy !req
140. This chicken paprikash is delicious.Copy !req
141. Thank you, Derek. It's Charlie's favorite.Copy !req
142. He was a little nervous about starting high
school today, so I made it for him.Copy !req
143. Feel a little silly
about being nervous now, huh, Champ?Copy !req
144. Yes, sir. I sure do.Copy !req
145. I told you, just give 'em a smile...Copy !req
146. and be yourself.Copy !req
147. - That's how you—
- Make friends in the real world.Copy !req
148. You're cruisin' for a bruisin'.Copy !req
149. Freshman year is tough, but...Copy !req
150. you really find yourself.Copy !req
151. Thanks, Derek.Copy !req
152. You could have been a little nicer to Derek.Copy !req
153. I'm sorry, the kid's a pussy. I can't stand him.Copy !req
154. - I really hope you love the mix tape I made.
- I do.Copy !req
155. - The cover is hand-painted.
- Oh, wow.Copy !req
156. Hey, Charlie, you want this?Copy !req
157. Are you sure?Copy !req
158. He gives me one every week.Copy !req
159. Hey, babe.Copy !req
160. This next one might be a little sad,
but it reminded me of your eyes.Copy !req
161. Did you already do the term paper on
To Kill a Mockingbird?Copy !req
162. No.Copy !req
163. Get him.Copy !req
164. Let's go, Devils!Copy !req
165. Right. Come on, offense!Copy !req
166. - Hey, Nothing.
- Hey, Nothing.Copy !req
167. Oh, suck it, virginity pledges.Copy !req
168. Suck it.Copy !req
169. Oh, you're in trouble now, Jaguars!Copy !req
170. Hey, Patrick.Copy !req
171. Hey. You're in my shop class, right?Copy !req
172. How's your clock coming?Copy !req
173. My dad's building it for me.Copy !req
174. Yeah. Mine looks like a boat.Copy !req
175. You wanna sit over here
or are you waiting for your friends?Copy !req
176. No, no, no, I'll sit.Copy !req
177. Thanks for not calling me Nothing by the way.Copy !req
178. It's an endless nightmare.Copy !req
179. And these assholes,
they actually think they're being original.Copy !req
180. So do you like football?Copy !req
181. Love it. Love football.Copy !req
182. Maybe you know my brother then.Copy !req
183. Hey, Sam.Copy !req
184. Question. Could the bathrooms
here be more disgusting?Copy !req
185. Yes. They call it the men's room.Copy !req
186. Oh. So I finally got hold of Bob.Copy !req
187. Party tonight?Copy !req
188. He's still trying to shag
that waitress from the Olive Garden.Copy !req
189. Ah! He's never tossing that salad.Copy !req
190. Come on!Copy !req
191. Patrick.Copy !req
192. Yeah?Copy !req
193. Who's this?Copy !req
194. This is—Copy !req
195. Charlie Kelmeckis.Copy !req
196. Kelmeckis?Copy !req
197. No shit? Your sister's dating
Ponytail Derek, isn't she?Copy !req
198. - God.
- Is that what they call him?Copy !req
199. Would you leave Ponytail Derek alone?Copy !req
200. You put the "ass" in "class," Patrick.Copy !req
201. I try. Sam, I try.Copy !req
202. It's nice to meet you, Charlie.
I'm Sam.Copy !req
203. - What's the plan? Are we going
to Mary Elizabeth's tonight?
- Nope.Copy !req
204. She got caught watering down her parents'
brandy with iced tea.Copy !req
205. - Ugh!
- Let's just go to Kings.Copy !req
206. All right. We're goin' to Kings
after the game if you wanna come.Copy !req
207. Do you have a favorite band?Copy !req
208. Well, I think The Smiths are my favorite.Copy !req
209. Are you kidding?
I love The Smiths. Best breakup band ever.Copy !req
210. What's your favorite song?Copy !req
211. "Asleep." It's from Louder than Bombs.Copy !req
212. I heard it on Ponytail Derek's mix tape.Copy !req
213. Oh, that works on so many levels.Copy !req
214. I can make you guys a copy if you want.Copy !req
215. - What about Eides? You love Eides, right?
- Yeah, of course. They're great.Copy !req
216. Not a band, Charlie.Copy !req
217. It's a record store downtown.Copy !req
218. Things sound so much better on vinyl.Copy !req
219. You know, I used to be popular
before Sam got me some good music.Copy !req
220. So you be careful.
She'll ruin your life forever.Copy !req
221. That's okay.Copy !req
222. - Hey, Nothing.
- Hey, Nothing.Copy !req
223. Let it go! Jesus!Copy !req
224. It's an antique joke. It's over.Copy !req
225. So what are you gonna do when you
get outta this place?Copy !req
226. Well, my Aunt Helen said I should be a writer...Copy !req
227. but I don't know what I'd write about.Copy !req
228. You could write about us.Copy !req
229. Yeah! Call it S/ut and the Falcon.Copy !req
230. Make us solve crimes.Copy !req
231. You guys seem really happy together.Copy !req
232. How long have you been boyfriend and girlfriend?Copy !req
233. He's not my boyfriend. He's my stepbrother.Copy !req
234. My mom finally left my worthless dad...Copy !req
235. and married his nice dad when we moved here.Copy !req
236. But she's not bitter or anything.
Make no mistake.Copy !req
237. Absolutely not. Charlie, I'm not a bulimic.Copy !req
238. - I'm a bulim-ist.
- I'm sorry, I don't know what that is.Copy !req
239. She just really believes in bulimia.Copy !req
240. I love bulimia!Copy !req
241. Hey. Thanks for paying, Charlie.Copy !req
242. Oh, no problem. Thank you guys for the ride.Copy !req
243. - Maybe I'll see you around in school?Copy !req
244. - God, would you turn it down?
You're gonna make us deaf.
- So be it. It's rock and roll.Copy !req
245. Bye, Charlie!Copy !req
246. - Bye, Charlie.
- Okay, bye.Copy !req
247. Your mom says,
"Don't go to Columbia with Candace, Derek."Copy !req
248. - Shh! Shut—
- "Don't go to Columbia!"Copy !req
249. Do you always want to be a mama's boy, Derek?Copy !req
250. I am not a mama's boy!Copy !req
251. You are, because
every single time I go to your house—Copy !req
252. Every single time!Copy !req
253. Shut up, Candace!Copy !req
254. You just stand there like a little bitch dog.Copy !req
255. No. Charlie—
Charlie, just go. I can handle it.Copy !req
256. Just don't wake up Mom and Dad.Copy !req
257. Hey! Look who's here.Copy !req
258. Welcome home, Aunt Helen.Copy !req
259. Aw! Look at you guys.Copy !req
260. Dressed so nice.Copy !req
261. Hey, Candace.Copy !req
262. What are you doing?Copy !req
263. Look, I egged him on. You saw it.Copy !req
264. He's never hit me before,
and I promise you, he will never hit me again.Copy !req
265. Like Aunt Helen's boyfriends?Copy !req
266. Charlie, this is Ponytail Derek.Copy !req
267. I can handle him.Copy !req
268. Do you trust me?Copy !req
269. Please, don't tell Mom and Dad.Copy !req
270. Oh, my God, they're playing good music!Copy !req
271. Holy shit.
Holy shit! They are! They're playing good music.Copy !req
272. - Living room routine.
- Living room routine.Copy !req
273. - Yes.
- Yes!Copy !req
274. Excuse us. Excuse me. Pardon.Copy !req
275. Sorry.Copy !req
276. Get out of the way! Get out of the way!Copy !req
277. oJ Come on, EileenCopy !req
278. oJ Come on, EileenCopy !req
279. oJ Come on, EileenCopy !req
280. Now you're full grown
Now you have shownCopy !req
281. Oh!Copy !req
282. oJ Come on, EileenCopy !req
283. o Now I must say
more than ever)Copy !req
284. God, it's freezing!Copy !req
285. But you wore that toasty costume.
It's not like it's cute or original.Copy !req
286. - You'd hope it would be warm.
- Yeah, piss off, Tennessee Tuxedo.Copy !req
287. Are you sure it's okay that I come?Copy !req
288. Yeah, of course.
Just remember, Charlie, Bob's not paranoid.Copy !req
289. He's sensitive.Copy !req
290. Sam!Copy !req
291. That waitress from the Olive Garden,
she was such a tease.Copy !req
292. - Oh.Copy !req
293. Will you marry me?Copy !req
294. Only with Patrick's blessing.Copy !req
295. Patrick?Copy !req
296. You are a hopeless stoner
who attends the culinary institute.Copy !req
297. I'm gonna say "no" on that,
but nice try. Charlie.Copy !req
298. Oh, touché.Copy !req
299. JoCopy !req
300. So, Charlie. This is a party.Copy !req
301. This is what fun looks like.Copy !req
302. Are you ready to meet some desperate women?Copy !req
303. Here, have a seat.Copy !req
304. Hey, ladies.Copy !req
305. Meet Charlie.Copy !req
306. - Hi.
- Meet ladies.Copy !req
307. - Hey.
- Mary Elizabeth.Copy !req
308. - Alice.
- Nice to meet you.Copy !req
309. This is Charlie's first party ever.Copy !req
310. So I expect nice, meaningful,
heartfelt blowjobs from both of you.Copy !req
311. Patrick, you're such a dick.
- Where the hell did you go?Copy !req
312. - The dance was a little boring, don't you think?
- You are so selfish.Copy !req
313. We looked everywhere for you.
You could have told someone.Copy !req
314. Cry me ariver.Copy !req
315. How is it that you've got meaner since
becoming a Buddhist?Copy !req
316. Just lucky, I guess.Copy !req
317. No, you're doing something wrong, I think.Copy !req
318. Mmm. Or something very right.Copy !req
319. - Yeah, well—
- Hey!Copy !req
320. Look who's here.Copy !req
321. Is that Brad Hays?Copy !req
322. Yeah. He comes here sometimes.Copy !req
323. - But he's a popular kid.
- Hmm.Copy !req
324. Then what are we?Copy !req
325. Oh, Charlie! You look like
you could use a brownie.Copy !req
326. Thank you.Copy !req
327. I was so hungry at the dance.
I was gonna go to Kings...Copy !req
328. but I didn't really have any time.Copy !req
329. Thanks.Copy !req
330. Have you guys felt this carpet?Copy !req
331. This carpet feels so darn good.Copy !req
332. Charlie, Charlie,
what do you think about high school?Copy !req
333. High school?Copy !req
334. Bullshit.Copy !req
335. The cafeteria is called the Nutrition Center.Copy !req
336. People wear their letter jackets
even when it's 98 degrees out.Copy !req
337. And why do they give out
letter jackets to marching band?Copy !req
338. It's not a sport.Copy !req
339. We all know it.Copy !req
340. This kid is crazy.Copy !req
341. Mary Elizabeth,
I think you're really gonna regret that...Copy !req
342. you know—
haircut when you look back at old photographs.Copy !req
343. - Oh, my God!Copy !req
344. I'm really sorry.
That sounded like a compliment in my head.Copy !req
345. My God!Copy !req
346. Well, it's kinda true.Copy !req
347. Shut up!Copy !req
348. I can't even be mad at him. Look at him.Copy !req
349. Bob, did you get him stoned?Copy !req
350. Come on, Sam, he likes it, just look at him.Copy !req
351. How do you feel, Charlie?Copy !req
352. I just really want a milk shake.Copy !req
353. Sam—Copy !req
354. You have such pretty brown eyes.Copy !req
355. The kind of pretty that deserves to make...Copy !req
356. a big deal about itself though,
you know what I mean?Copy !req
357. Okay, Charlie. Let me make the milk shake.Copy !req
358. Mmm. What a great word. Milk shake.Copy !req
359. It's like when you say your name over and over
again in the mirror...Copy !req
360. and after a while it sounds crazy.Copy !req
361. So I'm guessing you've never been high before?Copy !req
362. No. No, no, no.Copy !req
363. My best friend, Michael,
his dad was a big drinker...Copy !req
364. so he hated all that stuff.Copy !req
365. Parties too.Copy !req
366. Well, where is Michael tonight?Copy !req
367. Oh, he shot himself last May.Copy !req
368. I kinda wished he'd left a note.
You know what I mean?Copy !req
369. Where's the bathroom?Copy !req
370. It's up the stairs.Copy !req
371. Thanks, Sam.Copy !req
372. You're so nice.Copy !req
373. Charlie.Copy !req
374. Weird.Copy !req
375. Oh.Copy !req
376. Charlie.Copy !req
377. What—Copy !req
378. Who was that kid?Copy !req
379. Relax. Relax. He's a friend of mine.Copy !req
380. Stay here.Copy !req
381. I didn't see anything.Copy !req
382. Yeah, I know you saw something,
but it's okay.Copy !req
383. Okay, listen...Copy !req
384. Brad doesn't want anyone to know.Copy !req
385. Wait.Copy !req
386. - Are you baked?
- Like a cake.Copy !req
387. That's what Bob said.Copy !req
388. And you can't have three on a match
because then they'd find us.Copy !req
389. And everybody laughed
but I don't understand what's funny.Copy !req
390. Okay, Charlie, listen.Copy !req
391. I need you to promise...Copy !req
392. that you're not gonna say anything
to anyone about me and Brad.Copy !req
393. Okay? This has to be our little secret.Copy !req
394. Our little secret. Agreed.Copy !req
395. Okay.Copy !req
396. Thank you.Copy !req
397. we'll talk later.Copy !req
398. I look forward to that big talk.Copy !req
399. - Can I have your cherry?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
400. Isn't this the best milk shake ever, Alice?Copy !req
401. It's even better than the first one.Copy !req
402. Charlie just told me that
his best friend shot himself.Copy !req
403. I don't think he has any friends.Copy !req
404. Hey, everyone!Copy !req
405. Everybody!Copy !req
406. Everyone...Copy !req
407. raise your glasses to Charlie.Copy !req
408. - What did I do?
- You didn't do anything.Copy !req
409. We just wanna toast to our new friend.Copy !req
410. You see things.Copy !req
411. And you understand.Copy !req
412. You're a wallflower.Copy !req
413. What is it? What's wrong?Copy !req
414. I didn't think anyone noticed me.Copy !req
415. Well, we didn't think
there was anyone cool left to meet.Copy !req
416. So come on, everyone.Copy !req
417. To Charlie.Copy !req
418. To Charlie.Copy !req
419. Welcome to the Island of Misfit Toys.Copy !req
420. JoCopy !req
421. Oh, my God! What is this song?Copy !req
422. Right? I have no idea.Copy !req
423. Have you ever heard this before?Copy !req
424. Never.Copy !req
425. Patrick, we've gotta go through the tunnel.Copy !req
426. Sam, it's freezing.Copy !req
427. Patrick, It's the perfect song.Copy !req
428. No. Mama Patrick says "No."Copy !req
429. Patrick. It's Sam.
It's Sam speaking to you right now.Copy !req
430. I'm begging you to do this for me.Copy !req
431. I concede!Copy !req
432. What is she doing?Copy !req
433. Oh, don't worry. She does it all the time.Copy !req
434. Turn it up!Copy !req
435. You got it, your highness.Copy !req
436. nyCopy !req
437. What?Copy !req
438. I feel infinite.Copy !req
439. Dear friend...Copy !req
440. I'm sorry I haven't written for a while...Copy !req
441. but I've been trying hard not to be a loser.Copy !req
442. - JuCopy !req
443. For example, I'm trying to participate...Copy !req
444. by listening to Sam's collection
of big rock ballads...Copy !req
445. and thinking about love.Copy !req
446. Sam says they're kitschy and brilliant.Copy !req
447. I completely agree.Copy !req
448. I'm also writing essays
and studying extra books outside of class.Copy !req
449. As it turns out, Mr. Anderson is a writer.Copy !req
450. He even had a play put up in New York once...Copy !req
451. which I think is very impressive.Copy !req
452. Great Gatsby?Copy !req
453. He and his wife might go back there
after this year.Copy !req
454. I know this is selfish,
but I really hope he doesn't.Copy !req
455. My favorite time, though, is lunch...Copy !req
456. because I get to see Sam and Patrick.Copy !req
457. We spend the time working on
Mary Elizabeth's fanzine...Copy !req
458. about music and
The Rocky Horror Picture Show.Copy !req
459. It's called Punk Rocky.Copy !req
460. Mary Elizabeth is really interesting...Copy !req
461. because she's a Buddhist and a punk.Copy !req
462. But somehow she always acts like my father
at the end of a long day.Copy !req
463. Her best friend Alice loves vampires...Copy !req
464. and wants to go to film school.Copy !req
465. She also steals jeans from the mall.Copy !req
466. I don't know why, because her family is rich...Copy !req
467. but I'm trying not to be judgmental.Copy !req
468. Especially since I know
that they were all there for Patrick last year.Copy !req
469. Patrick never likes to be serious...Copy !req
470. so it took me a while to get what happened.Copy !req
471. When he was a junior, Patrick started seeing
Brad on the weekends in secretCopy !req
472. I guess it was hard, too...Copy !req
473. because Brad had to
get drunk every time they fooled around.Copy !req
474. Then Monday in school, Brad would say...Copy !req
475. "Man, I was so wasted I don't remember a thing."Copy !req
476. This went on for seven months.Copy !req
477. When they finally did it,
Brad said he loved Patrick.Copy !req
478. Then he started to cry.Copy !req
479. No matter what Patrick did...Copy !req
480. Brad kept saying that his dad would kill him.Copy !req
481. And saying that he was going to hell.Copy !req
482. Patrick was eventually
able to help Brad get sober.Copy !req
483. [I asked Patrick if he felt sad...Copy !req
484. that he still had to keep it a secret.Copy !req
485. And he said "No," because at least now...Copy !req
486. Brad doesn't have to get drunk to love him.Copy !req
487. I think I understand, because I really like Sam.Copy !req
488. I asked my sister about her...Copy !req
489. and she said that when Sam was a freshman...Copy !req
490. the upperclassmen used to
get her drunk at parties.Copy !req
491. I guess she had a reputation.Copy !req
492. But I don't care.Copy !req
493. I'd hate for her to judge me based on
what I used to be like.Copy !req
494. So I've been making her
a mix tape so she'll know how I feel.Copy !req
495. Oh, shit!Copy !req
496. - Give me a K!Copy !req
497. - Givemea!Copy !req
498. What's that spell?Copy !req
499. Rocky!Copy !req
500. I can't hear you!Copy !req
501. Rocky!Copy !req
502. One more time!Copy !req
503. Rocky!Copy !req
504. She went ape-shit.Copy !req
505. oJ And sensual daydreamsCopy !req
506. That picture is gorgeous, Craig.
What did you use?Copy !req
507. Oh, I know. Thank you.Copy !req
508. Color film,
but black and white paper for printing.Copy !req
509. Yeah. My professor gave me an A...Copy !req
510. but for all the wrong reasons.Copy !req
511. Most of them are idiots.Copy !req
512. You'll see what I mean when you get to college.Copy !req
513. How'd your S.A.T.s go, by the way?Copy !req
514. 1150. I think I'll get into NYU.Copy !req
515. Yeah, I hope so.Copy !req
516. 1490. Harvard. Face.Copy !req
517. So—Copy !req
518. Are you okay?Copy !req
519. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
520. But I got my S.A.T. results back.Copy !req
521. Oops.Copy !req
522. You can take them again, you know.Copy !req
523. Yeah, it's just,
if 'm going to Penn State main campus...Copy !req
524. I have to do much better.Copy !req
525. I wish I would have studied freshman year.Copy !req
526. It's a bit of a mess.Copy !req
527. I'll help you study for the next one.Copy !req
528. Will you?Copy !req
529. Yeah. Of course.Copy !req
530. Thanks, Charlie.Copy !req
531. What's this?Copy !req
532. It's just a mix tape. No big deal.Copy !req
533. My parents have a good stereo, so—Copy !req
534. It's all about that night in the tunnel.Copy !req
535. I couldn't find that song
that we were listening to...Copy !req
536. but, you know, I'm still
searching for it, so yeah.Copy !req
537. That's okay.Copy !req
538. These are great.Copy !req
539. Nick Drake.Copy !req
540. The Shaggs.Copy !req
541. You have really good taste, Charlie.Copy !req
542. Really?Copy !req
543. Yeah.Copy !req
544. Way better than me as a freshman.Copy !req
545. I used to listen to the worst Top 40.Copy !req
546. - No.
- Yeah, I did.Copy !req
547. Then I heard this old song.Copy !req
548. "Pearly Dewdrops' Drop."Copy !req
549. And I thought someday
I'd be at a party in college or something...Copy !req
550. and I'd look up and see
this person across the room.Copy !req
551. And from that moment, I'd know...Copy !req
552. everything was going to be okay.Copy !req
553. You know what I mean?Copy !req
554. Yeah.Copy !req
555. I hope it works out.Copy !req
556. I don't know.Copy !req
557. Craig would be
a big step up from her last boyfriend.Copy !req
558. Yeah, no shit.Copy !req
559. Who could forget Mr. Car Wash Loser?Copy !req
560. I just hope she can stop playing dumb
with these guys.Copy !req
561. I keep telling her, "Don't make yourself small."Copy !req
562. Can't save anybody.Copy !req
563. Excuse me.Copy !req
564. Man, your mix is morbidly sad, kid.Copy !req
565. How about something
a little bit more upbeat, huh?Copy !req
566. Let's just see.Copy !req
567. So Sam tells me you wanna be a writer.Copy !req
568. Yeah.Copy !req
569. Don't you write poetry, Craig?Copy !req
570. Poetry writes me. You know?Copy !req
571. Let's get this party started.Copy !req
572. Wow.Copy !req
573. That was fast.Copy !req
574. You want another one?Copy !req
575. Yeah.Copy !req
576. All right.Copy !req
577. Mr. Anderson?Copy !req
578. Can I ask you something?Copy !req
579. Yeah.Copy !req
580. Why do nice people choose
the wrong people to date?Copy !req
581. Are we talking about anyone specific?Copy !req
582. Well—Copy !req
583. We accept the love we think we deserve.Copy !req
584. Can we make them know that they deserve more?Copy !req
585. We can try.Copy !req
586. - Hey.
- Hey, Sam. Didn't see you come in.Copy !req
587. How's it goin'?Copy !req
588. You wanna start work on
probability and statistics?Copy !req
589. Yeah. Sure.Copy !req
590. Page 291 in your book.Copy !req
591. And I ordered you some breakfast.Copy !req
592. The country breakfast.Copy !req
593. JoCopy !req
594. Dad?Copy !req
595. Can I have 30 dollars?Copy !req
596. Twenty dollars?
What do you need 10 dollars for?Copy !req
597. Sam's doing Secret Santa.Copy !req
598. It's her favorite thing in the world. Please?Copy !req
599. Have fun.Copy !req
600. Thanks.Copy !req
601. Hmm!Copy !req
602. Charlie.Copy !req
603. This was my favorite book growing up.Copy !req
604. This is my copy, but I want you to have it.Copy !req
605. Thanks.Copy !req
606. Have a great Christmas break.Copy !req
607. You, too, Mr. Anderson.Copy !req
608. Terrible stain.Copy !req
609. That's pretty good, Charlie.Copy !req
610. You gotta be kidding me.Copy !req
611. If you fail me, you get me next semester.Copy !req
612. Whoo!Copy !req
613. C minus!
Ladies and gentlemen, I am below average!Copy !req
614. - Below average!
- Below average!Copy !req
615. Guys, 1210.Copy !req
616. What?Copy !req
617. No more applications! No more S.A.T.'s!Copy !req
618. Thank you, Charlie!Copy !req
619. All right. All right, guys, I got—Copy !req
620. Multiple pairs of blue jeans.Copy !req
621. Wow, this is a really tough one...Copy !req
622. but I'm gonna have to guess Alice.Copy !req
623. Wait.Copy !req
624. Guys, a receipt! She actually paid!Copy !req
625. I'm so touched!Copy !req
626. Where's Craig?Copy !req
627. Oh, he went home to Connecticut.Copy !req
628. But he'll be back for New Year's Eve.Copy !req
629. Sorry we won't be seeing him tonight.Copy !req
630. All right, big brother by three weeks,
who's your Secret Santa?Copy !req
631. I'll tell you, Sam.Copy !req
632. This one's tough.Copy !req
633. I have received a harmonica...Copy !req
634. a Magnetic Poetry set...Copy !req
635. a book about Harvey Milk...Copy !req
636. and a mix tape with
the song "Asleep" on it twice.Copy !req
637. I mean, I have no idea.Copy !req
638. This collection of presents is so gay...Copy !req
639. that I think I must have given them to myself.Copy !req
640. But despite that distinct possibility...Copy !req
641. I'm gonna have to go with—Copy !req
642. Drum roll.Copy !req
643. - Charlie.
- Oh!Copy !req
644. Obviously.Copy !req
645. Beautifully done.Copy !req
646. All right, Charlie. It's your turn.Copy !req
647. Okay.Copy !req
648. Okeydokey.Copy !req
649. I have received socks, pants,
a shirt and a belt.Copy !req
650. I was ordered to wear them all tonight, so—Copy !req
651. Guessing my Secret Santa is Mary Elizabeth.Copy !req
652. Huh. Now why do you say that?Copy !req
653. You know, she bosses people around sometimes.Copy !req
654. - Sorry.Copy !req
655. - What the hell is wrong with you?
- Sorry.Copy !req
656. You'll be surprised to know
that your Secret Santa is actually me.Copy !req
657. Why all the clothes?Copy !req
658. Well, all the great writers
used to wear great suits.Copy !req
659. So your last present
is on a towel rack in the bathroom.Copy !req
660. Delve into our facilities.Copy !req
661. Emerge a star.Copy !req
662. Perfect.Copy !req
663. Will you hand these out while I'm gone?Copy !req
664. Wait a second.Copy !req
665. There's only Secret Santa presents.
There's rules.Copy !req
666. Mary Elizabeth, why are you
trying to eat Christmas?Copy !req
667. Hand them out, Sam.Copy !req
668. All right. Mary Elizabeth. For you.Copy !req
669. Alice.Copy !req
670. Thanks.Copy !req
671. Bob.Copy !req
672. And this one's for me.Copy !req
673. "Alice, I know you'll get into NYU."Copy !req
674. Forty dollars to print
Punk Rocky in color next time.Copy !req
675. He knows me.Copy !req
676. - He really knows me.Copy !req
677. All right, Charlie.Copy !req
678. Come on out.Copy !req
679. Get out here, buddy.Copy !req
680. Come on, Charlie. Charlie!Copy !req
681. Don't be shy.Copy !req
682. Come out, come out, wherever—Copy !req
683. - Oh!Copy !req
684. - Yeah!Copy !req
685. What a display of man I have never seen!Copy !req
686. Where are we going?Copy !req
687. It's a surprise.Copy !req
688. Is this your room?Copy !req
689. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
690. So cool.Copy !req
691. Thanks.Copy !req
692. You got me a present?Copy !req
693. After all your help
on my Penn State application?Copy !req
694. Of course I did.Copy !req
695. Open it!Copy !req
696. I don't know what to say.Copy !req
697. You don't have to say anything.Copy !req
698. I'm really sorry we can't
be here for your birthday.Copy !req
699. No, that's okay. I'm just sorry
you have to go back and visit your dad.Copy !req
700. I'm in such a good mood
I don't think even he could ruin it.Copy !req
701. I feel like I'm finally doing good.Copy !req
702. You are.Copy !req
703. Well, what about you?Copy !req
704. When I met you,
you were this scared freshman.Copy !req
705. Now look at you in that suit.Copy !req
706. You're like a sexy English schoolboy.Copy !req
707. I saw Mary Elizabeth checking you out.Copy !req
708. No.Copy !req
709. Innocent.Copy !req
710. Worst kinda guys.Copy !req
711. Never see you coming.Copy !req
712. And parents love you.Copy !req
713. That's, like...Copy !req
714. extra danger.Copy !req
715. Yeah, well, it hasn't worked so far.Copy !req
716. You've never had a girlfriend?Copy !req
717. Not even like a second grade Valentine?Copy !req
718. Nope.Copy !req
719. Have you ever kissed a girl?Copy !req
720. No.Copy !req
721. What about you?Copy !req
722. Have I ever kissed a girl?Copy !req
723. No, no. Your first kiss.Copy !req
724. I was 11.Copy !req
725. His name was Robert.Copy !req
726. He used to come over to the house all the time.Copy !req
727. Was he your first boyfriend?Copy !req
728. He was my—Copy !req
729. He was my dad's boss.Copy !req
730. You know, Charlie, I used to sleep with guys
who treated me like shit.Copy !req
731. And get wasted all the time.Copy !req
732. But now I feel like...Copy !req
733. I have a chance. Like—Copy !req
734. I can even get into a real college.Copy !req
735. It's true. You can do it.Copy !req
736. You really think so?Copy !req
737. My aunt had that same thing
done to her, too.Copy !req
738. And she turned her life around.Copy !req
739. She must have been great.Copy !req
740. She was my favorite person in the world.Copy !req
741. Until now.Copy !req
742. Charlie—Copy !req
743. I know that you know I like Craig.Copy !req
744. But I want to forget about that
for a minute, okay?Copy !req
745. Okay.Copy !req
746. I just wanna make sure
that the first person who kisses you...Copy !req
747. loves you.Copy !req
748. Okay?Copy !req
749. Okay.Copy !req
750. I love you, Charlie.Copy !req
751. I love you, too.Copy !req
752. I wanna do Secret Santa forever!Copy !req
753. I wanna do Secret Santa forever!Copy !req
754. Have a good time at your mom's.Copy !req
755. Thanks. And, listen, Charlie.Copy !req
756. Because your birthday's on Christmas Eve...Copy !req
757. I figure you don't get that many presents?Copy !req
758. I thought you should have my clock.Copy !req
759. From the heart.Copy !req
760. Thank you, Patrick.Copy !req
761. Bye.Copy !req
762. Have a good one, guys.Copy !req
763. I love you guys!Copy !req
764. Hey!Copy !req
765. Look who's here.Copy !req
766. - Come here, little sister.
- Hey, Chris.Copy !req
767. Hey, honey. Ah.Copy !req
768. Ma, you look so thin.Copy !req
769. You. Look at you.Copy !req
770. Charlie.Copy !req
771. Come on, I got dinner ready.Copy !req
772. - Happy birthday.
- Thanks.Copy !req
773. Let's eat.Copy !req
774. Make a wish, honey.Copy !req
775. Can you see it, Charlie?Copy !req
776. The luminaria is a landing strip
for Santa Claus.Copy !req
777. Why don't you keep an eye out for him,
and I will be right back, okay?Copy !req
778. Going to get your birthday present.Copy !req
779. Hey.Copy !req
780. Hey.Copy !req
781. God, I miss Mom's cooking.Copy !req
782. You have no idea how good you have it.Copy !req
783. I'm actually starting to hate pizza.Copy !req
784. - Mmm.Copy !req
785. So how you liking school?Copy !req
786. Well, I'm no braniac like you or Candace.Copy !req
787. I'm doing okay.Copy !req
788. Okay? You're playing in a bowl game.Copy !req
789. How are you feeling, Charlie?Copy !req
790. Good.Copy !req
791. No, you know what I mean.Copy !req
792. Is it bad tonight?Copy !req
793. No.Copy !req
794. No.Copy !req
795. I'm not picturing things anymore.Copy !req
796. Or if I do, I can just shut it off.Copy !req
797. Well, you know, Mom did say
that you have good friends now.Copy !req
798. And maybe if it does get bad again...Copy !req
799. you can just talk to them. Yeah?Copy !req
800. Yeah.Copy !req
801. Especially Sam. She's great.Copy !req
802. I'm gonna ask her out at New Year's.Copy !req
803. I think the time is right now.Copy !req
804. - Body of Christ.
- Amen.Copy !req
805. - Body of Christ.
- Amen.Copy !req
806. - Body of Christ.
- Amen.Copy !req
807. - Body of Christ.
- Amen.Copy !req
808. JoCopy !req
809. How long does this take to work?Copy !req
810. Shovelin' snow, huh?Copy !req
811. I have to get this driveway clean.Copy !req
812. And then...Copy !req
813. I'm going to congratulate you on being happy.Copy !req
814. 'Cause you deserve it.Copy !req
815. You said that
an hour ago.Copy !req
816. Was that tonight?Copy !req
817. Oh, I just...Copy !req
818. saw this tree, but it was a dragon.Copy !req
819. Then it was a tree again and it just lied to me.Copy !req
820. Okay, Charlie,
don't freak out. Give me this.Copy !req
821. Calm down.Copy !req
822. Look up.Copy !req
823. Isn't it quiet?Copy !req
824. Sam, do you think if people knew...Copy !req
825. how crazy you really were,
no one would ever talk to you?Copy !req
826. All the time.Copy !req
827. So you wanna wear these glasses?Copy !req
828. They'll protect you.Copy !req
829. 10,9,8,7..Copy !req
830. 6, 54.Copy !req
831. 3,2, 1!Copy !req
832. It's gonna be our little secret.Copy !req
833. Did your older friends pressure you?Copy !req
834. No one pressured me, Officer.Copy !req
835. I would never do drugs. Never.Copy !req
836. Then how did you happen to be passed out
on the ground at 6:00 in the morning?Copy !req
837. Well, I, um— I-l was really tired.Copy !req
838. And I was feeling feverish...Copy !req
839. so I went outside
for a walk just to get some cold air.Copy !req
840. I started seeing things, so I passed out.Copy !req
841. You're seeing things again, Charlie?Copy !req
842. Not really.Copy !req
843. Nice suit.Copy !req
844. It was a Christmas present.Copy !req
845. Did you have fun on your break?Copy !req
846. More fun than you're gonna have today, Sinatra.Copy !req
847. Nice look, jag-off.Copy !req
848. [ve called him 30 times.Copy !req
849. What are we supposed to do?
We're going on in 10 minutes.Copy !req
850. - They said in health class—
- Hello?Copy !req
851. They say that about L.S.D. just to scare you.Copy !req
852. - Are you sure? You know I've seen—
- Charlie, you're fine, man.Copy !req
853. Guys, we have an emergency.Copy !req
854. Craig has flaked out on us again.Copy !req
855. So I need a Rocky.Copy !req
856. Brad?Copy !req
857. No. No way. No. I'm not—Copy !req
858. There's people out there. No.Copy !req
859. Charlie, take off your clothes.Copy !req
860. Maybe I can join the cast
as an alternate or something.Copy !req
861. Well, we're filled up now...Copy !req
862. but they're gonna
need people when we go to college.Copy !req
863. We could put in a good word for you.Copy !req
864. That'd be great. Thanks.Copy !req
865. Yeah.Copy !req
866. Charlie—Copy !req
867. Have you heard of the Sadie Hawkins dance?Copy !req
868. The one where the girl asks the guy?Copy !req
869. Obviously, it is completely stupid.Copy !req
870. And sexist. I mean, it's like
"Hey, thanks for the crumb."Copy !req
871. And normally, I would just blow it off,
because school dances suck torture.Copy !req
872. But, you know, it's my last year and—Copy !req
873. Would you maybe wanna go with me?Copy !req
874. You wanna go with me?Copy !req
875. Yeah, I'm sick of macho guys.Copy !req
876. Plus you looked really cute in your costume.Copy !req
877. So what do you say?Copy !req
878. You must be Mary Elizabeth.Copy !req
879. Yes.Copy !req
880. It's so nice to meet you.Copy !req
881. You, too, Mrs. Kelmeckis.Copy !req
882. Charlie tells me you're a Buddhist.Copy !req
883. - Please, come in.
- Okay.Copy !req
884. A little closer together.Copy !req
885. - That looks nice.
- Hmm.Copy !req
886. Buddhist, I need you to smile a little bit more.Copy !req
887. There you go. Nice.Copy !req
888. ouCopy !req
889. Hey.Copy !req
890. Hey.Copy !req
891. Are you having a good time?Copy !req
892. Not really. How about you?Copy !req
893. I mean, I don't know.Copy !req
894. It's my first date, I don't
have much to compare it to.Copy !req
895. You're doing fine.Copy !req
896. Sorry Craig couldn't come.Copy !req
897. Yeah. He said he didn't want to go to
some stupid high school dance.Copy !req
898. I can't say I blame him really.Copy !req
899. I don't know.
If you like it, he should come.Copy !req
900. Thanks, Charlie.Copy !req
901. Have a beautiful first date.Copy !req
902. You deserve it.Copy !req
903. I'll try not to make you too jealous.Copy !req
904. Mmm!Copy !req
905. Now just let it breathe.Copy !req
906. Whoa.Copy !req
907. It sure is a nice house.Copy !req
908. Thanks.Copy !req
909. Mmm.Copy !req
910. Don't you just love old music?Copy !req
911. Yeah.Copy !req
912. Good. 'Cause I made you a mix of it.Copy !req
913. I'd love to expose you to great things like...Copy !req
914. Billie Holiday and foreign films.Copy !req
915. This merlot is really fancy.Copy !req
916. Yeah. My dad collects wine,
but he doesn't drink.Copy !req
917. That's kinda weird, isn't it?Copy !req
918. I guess. Where are your parents?Copy !req
919. Their club's hosting
a cotillion or something racist.Copy !req
920. They'll be gone all night.Copy !req
921. Sure is a nice fire.Copy !req
922. Yeah.Copy !req
923. When I'm done being a lobbyist...Copy !req
924. I wanna move to a house like this in Cape Cod.Copy !req
925. Sounds nice, doesn't it?Copy !req
926. Yeah.Copy !req
927. Your heart is beating really fast.Copy !req
928. Is it?Copy !req
929. Here. Feel.Copy !req
930. - Charlie?
- Uh-huh?Copy !req
931. Do you like me?Copy !req
932. Uh-huh.Copy !req
933. You know what I mean.Copy !req
934. I think so.Copy !req
935. Don't be nervous.Copy !req
936. Charlie.Copy !req
937. I didn't know how tonight was gonna go, but—Copy !req
938. It's really nice, isn't it?Copy !req
939. Yeah.Copy !req
940. I just can't believe it.Copy !req
941. You, of all people.Copy !req
942. I just can't believe you're my boyfriend.Copy !req
943. Shit! My parents! Shit!Copy !req
944. - Here, zip this up.
- Okay. No, I got this.Copy !req
945. Just zip it up like a normal zipper!Copy !req
946. It's stuck. It's just—Copy !req
947. Thank you.Copy !req
948. See you Monday.Copy !req
949. Dear friend...Copy !req
950. sorry I haven't written for a while...Copy !req
951. but things are a total disaster.Copy !req
952. We're literally making out and I'm in my bra—Copy !req
953. Hello!
And the front door opens, it's my parents!Copy !req
954. I probably should have been honest about...Copy !req
955. how I didn't want to go out with Mary Elizabeth
after Sadie's, but...Copy !req
956. I really didn't want to hurt her feelings.Copy !req
957. You see, Mary Elizabeth
is a really nice person...Copy !req
958. underneath the part of her that hates everyone.Copy !req
959. Hey!Copy !req
960. And since I heard that
having a girlfriend makes you happy...Copy !req
961. I tried hard to love her like I love Sam.Copy !req
962. Can you believe it's almost
our 2-week anniversary?Copy !req
963. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
964. So / took her on double dates.Copy !req
965. First foreign film.Copy !req
966. Do you want butter on your popcorn?Copy !req
967. Vegans don't eat butter.Copy !req
968. And I tried not to mind
that she loves to hold hands...Copy !req
969. even when her hands are sweaty.Copy !req
970. And I had to admit something
really upsetting, but...Copy !req
971. I'm tired of touching her boobs.Copy !req
972. I thought maybe if she would just let me
pick the make-out music...Copy !req
973. once in a while, we might have a chance.Copy !req
974. And maybe if she didn't put down the books
that Mr. Anderson gives me.Copy !req
975. Walden.Copy !req
976. I read this in 7th grade.Copy !req
977. I would have called it On Boring Pond.Copy !req
978. Or if she would stop calling me the minute
I get home from school...Copy !req
979. when I have absolutely nothing to talk about
other than the bus ride home.Copy !req
980. Somehow she finds new things to say.Copy !req
981. That dairy just sits with you.Copy !req
982. You know, it walks with you.Copy !req
983. She's on the phone right now?Copy !req
984. Charlie, you've gotta break up with her.Copy !req
985. I can do that?Copy !req
986. For Christ's sake, I need to use the phone.Copy !req
987. I got you this book.Copy !req
988. It's really how I became a vegan.Copy !req
989. I know I should have been honest...Copy !req
990. but I was getting so mad,
It was starting to scare me.Copy !req
991. I mean the way they treat those—Copy !req
992. 1 just wish I could have
found another way to break up.Copy !req
993. Um, Mary Elizabeth, can I talk to you—Copy !req
994. Charlie, please don't interrupt.
You know I hate thatCopy !req
995. In hindsight, I probably
could not have picked...Copy !req
996. a worse way to be honest with
Mary Elizabeth.Copy !req
997. Truth or dare?Copy !req
998. Who are you talking to?Copy !req
999. I dare you to kiss Alice.Copy !req
1000. Oh.Copy !req
1001. Gird your loins, procreator.Copy !req
1002. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1003. Mary Elizabeth, Samantha told me
that you got into Harvard. Congratulations.Copy !req
1004. Thank you. This one still
hasn't gotten me flowers.Copy !req
1005. But I forgive you.Copy !req
1006. Hey, don't worry about Penn State.
You're just wait-listed.Copy !req
1007. Yeah.Copy !req
1008. You guys are about to miss
some severely hot fag-on-goth action.Copy !req
1009. Wow.Copy !req
1010. Get a room.Copy !req
1011. Mmm! You're a monster.Copy !req
1012. My turn. Let's see.Copy !req
1013. Let's think. Charlie.Copy !req
1014. Truth.Copy !req
1015. How's your first relationship going?Copy !req
1016. It's so bad...Copy !req
1017. that I keep fantasizing
that one of us is dying of cancer.Copy !req
1018. So that I don't have to break up with her.Copy !req
1019. Charlie? Truth or dare?Copy !req
1020. Hello?Copy !req
1021. Dare.Copy !req
1022. Okay, I dare you
to kiss the prettiest girl in the room...Copy !req
1023. on the lips.Copy !req
1024. And notice I charitably said
"girl" and not "person"...Copy !req
1025. because, let's face it,
I'd smoke all you bitches.Copy !req
1026. Oh, that's fucked up.Copy !req
1027. Mary Elizabeth.Copy !req
1028. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
1029. It was a mistake, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1030. Sam? Sam?Copy !req
1031. I really didn't mean anything by it. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1032. What the hell is wrong with you?Copy !req
1033. I should go back and apologize.Copy !req
1034. Charlie, trust me,
you don't wanna go back in there.Copy !req
1035. I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean to do anything.Copy !req
1036. I know you didn't.Copy !req
1037. But, look—Copy !req
1038. I hate to be the one to break this...Copy !req
1039. but there's history with Mary Elizabeth and Sam.Copy !req
1040. Other guys and things that have
nothing to do with you.Copy !req
1041. It's best if you just stay away for a while.Copy !req
1042. Oh, okay.Copy !req
1043. How long do you think?Copy !req
1044. - Charlie.Copy !req
1045. Come on, get dressed.
You're gonna be late for Easter Mass.Copy !req
1046. I'll be there in a minute.Copy !req
1047. Our Father,
who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.Copy !req
1048. Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.Copy !req
1049. Give us this day our daily bread...Copy !req
1050. and forgive us our trespasses...Copy !req
1051. as we forgive those who trespass against us.Copy !req
1052. And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us—Copy !req
1053. Mary Elizabeth, I've been
listening to the Billie Holiday CD every night.Copy !req
1054. It's too late, Charlie.Copy !req
1055. I know.
I just feel really bad about what I did.Copy !req
1056. I just get so messed up inside.Copy !req
1057. Like I'm not there or something.Copy !req
1058. Tell it to someone who cares.
- Look, I know. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1059. Just we've all become such good friends.Copy !req
1060. Good friends?Copy !req
1061. Do you mean the people
that I've known since kindergarten...Copy !req
1062. and you've known for six months?Copy !req
1063. Those good friends?Copy !req
1064. Yeah, I mean, I just don't wanna do anything
to ruin our relationship.Copy !req
1065. It's ruined. Okay?Copy !req
1066. So stop calling everyone.
Stop embarrassing yourself.Copy !req
1067. Okay, I will. Good—Copy !req
1068. - Something's wrong with me.
- Don't worry about it.Copy !req
1069. Hey, have you heard from Patrick?Copy !req
1070. No, he told me to stay away.Copy !req
1071. Oh. You don't know.Copy !req
1072. Why? Why? What happened?Copy !req
1073. Brad's father caught them together.Copy !req
1074. Some kids jumped him outside the O.Copy !req
1075. No, it was some kids from North Hills.Copy !req
1076. Did you see his face?Copy !req
1077. That's not what I heard.Copy !req
1078. Are you okay?Copy !req
1079. Not now, Charlie. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1080. Hey, Nothing.Copy !req
1081. Oops. Sorry, Nothing.Copy !req
1082. You gonna do anything?Copy !req
1083. What are you talking about?Copy !req
1084. I'm talking about
your pet ape just tripped me.Copy !req
1085. Gonna say something?Copy !req
1086. - Why would I?
- You know why.Copy !req
1087. This is pathetic, man. Your fixation on me.Copy !req
1088. Do you want your friends
to know how you got those bruises? Really?Copy !req
1089. I got jumped in a parking lot.Copy !req
1090. Where? Schenley Park?Copy !req
1091. Do you guys know about Schenley Park?Copy !req
1092. - Do your friends know—
- I don't know what kinda sick shit...Copy !req
1093. you're trying to pull,
but you better walk away right now.Copy !req
1094. Nothing.Copy !req
1095. Fine.Copy !req
1096. Say hi to your dad for me.Copy !req
1097. Whatever, faggot.Copy !req
1098. - What did you just call me?
- Just called you a faggot.Copy !req
1099. Say that shit again! Say that shit again!Copy !req
1100. It's Patrick!Copy !req
1101. Leave him alone!Copy !req
1102. Sam!Copy !req
1103. Stop! Leave him! Stop!Copy !req
1104. Stop!Copy !req
1105. Touch my friends again and I'll blind you.Copy !req
1106. Charlie?Copy !req
1107. Yeah?Copy !req
1108. Thanks for stopping 'em.Copy !req
1109. Sure, Brad.Copy !req
1110. How you doing, Charlie?Copy !req
1111. I don't know.Copy !req
1112. I keep trying, but I can't
really remember what I did.Copy !req
1113. Do you want me to tell you?Copy !req
1114. Yeah.Copy !req
1115. You saved my brother.Copy !req
1116. That's what you did.Copy !req
1117. So you're not scared of me?Copy !req
1118. No.Copy !req
1119. Can we be friends again?Copy !req
1120. Of course.Copy !req
1121. Come on.Copy !req
1122. Let's go be psychos together.Copy !req
1123. I'm dating Peter now.Copy !req
1124. He's in college with Craig.Copy !req
1125. He's opinionated. We have intellectual debates.Copy !req
1126. You were very sweet
but our relationship was too one-sided.Copy !req
1127. I know this is hard for you.Copy !req
1128. I'm just glad that you're happy.Copy !req
1129. Okay.Copy !req
1130. Hey, Craig, Sam will be down. Soon.Copy !req
1131. Oy vey. We're gonna miss the movie.Copy !req
1132. Yeah, I'll go put some pep in her step.
Don't worry.Copy !req
1133. Hello?Copy !req
1134. Hey. Do you wanna get out of here?Copy !req
1135. Sure, Patrick.Copy !req
1136. I'll tell you something, Charlie...Copy !req
1137. I feel good. You know what I mean?Copy !req
1138. Maybe tomorrow I'll take you
to this karaoke place downtown.Copy !req
1139. And this club off the Strip. They don't card.Copy !req
1140. And the Schenley Park scene.Copy !req
1141. You have to see the Fruit Loop
at least one time.Copy !req
1142. Oh, my God.
My life is officially an after-school special.Copy !req
1143. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
1144. It really is.Copy !req
1145. It so is.Copy !req
1146. So, you ever hear the one about Lily Miller?Copy !req
1147. I don't know.Copy !req
1148. Really?Copy !req
1149. I thought your brother would have told you.
It's a classic.Copy !req
1150. Maybe.Copy !req
1151. Okay, Lily comes here
one night with this guy Parker.Copy !req
1152. And this was to be the night
that they were gonna lose their virginity.Copy !req
1153. So she did it really proper.
She packed a picnic.Copy !req
1154. Stole a bottle of wine.Copy !req
1155. Everything was perfect
and they're just about to "do it."Copy !req
1156. When they realize they forgot the condoms.Copy !req
1157. - So what do you think happened?
- I don't know.Copy !req
1158. They did it with one of the sandwich bags.Copy !req
1159. Ew!Copy !req
1160. Oh, that's disgusting!Copy !req
1161. Yes, it is.Copy !req
1162. Come on! Let's keep the train rolling.Copy !req
1163. Suburban legend, Charlie.Copy !req
1164. Well—Copy !req
1165. There's this girl named Second Base Stace.Copy !req
1166. And, well, she had boobs in 4th grade.Copy !req
1167. Mosquito bites. Promising. Go.Copy !req
1168. And she let some of the guys feel them.Copy !req
1169. - That's your suburban legend?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1170. - Did you at least cop a feel?
- No.Copy !req
1171. No. Of course not. You went home...Copy !req
1172. listened to "Asleep," wrote a poem—Copy !req
1173. Fine. Okay. Your turn.Copy !req
1174. Hmm.Copy !req
1175. Yeah. I've got one.Copy !req
1176. Well...Copy !req
1177. there's this one guy.Copy !req
1178. Queer as a 3-dollar bill.Copy !req
1179. The guy's father doesn't know about his son.Copy !req
1180. So he comes into the basement
one night when he's supposed to be out of town.Copy !req
1181. Catches his son with another boy.Copy !req
1182. So he starts beating him.Copy !req
1183. But not like the slap kind. Like, the real kind.Copy !req
1184. And the boyfriend says,
"Stop. You're killing him."Copy !req
1185. But the son just yells, "Get out."Copy !req
1186. And eventually...Copy !req
1187. the boyfriend just did.Copy !req
1188. Why can't you save anybody?Copy !req
1189. I don't know.Copy !req
1190. Forget it.Copy !req
1191. I'm free now, right?Copy !req
1192. I could meet
the love of my life any second.Copy !req
1193. Things will be different now and that's good.Copy !req
1194. I just need to meet a good guy.Copy !req
1195. Yeah.Copy !req
1196. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1197. It's all right.Copy !req
1198. I've been spending a lot of time with Patrick.Copy !req
1199. He begins every night really excited.Copy !req
1200. He always says he feels free
and tonight is his destiny.Copy !req
1201. But after a while he runs out of things
to keep himself numb.Copy !req
1202. And Sam got her letter from Penn State.Copy !req
1203. "We will require you to take
our summer session...Copy !req
1204. at the main campus immediately following
your high school graduation."Copy !req
1205. She got in, Charlie.Copy !req
1206. After that, all Patrick could talk about was
college and all their futures.Copy !req
1207. Alice did get into NYU film school.Copy !req
1208. Patrick is going to the
University of Washington...Copy !req
1209. because he wants to be
near the music in Seattle.Copy !req
1210. But he wasn't going to leave
without organizing the best senior prank ever.Copy !req
1211. Sam is going away right after graduation.Copy !req
1212. It all feels very exciting.Copy !req
1213. I just wish it were happening to me.Copy !req
1214. Especially because,
ever since I blacked out in the cafeteria...Copy !req
1215. it's been getting worse.Copy !req
1216. And I can't turn it off this time.Copy !req
1217. All right, guys, you wanna pass
your copies of Gatsby up to the front, please.Copy !req
1218. And I know it's the last day...Copy !req
1219. but if we could keep it to a dull roar,
I'd appreciate it.Copy !req
1220. Thank you.Copy !req
1221. Guy. Guys. Thank you for such a great year.Copy !req
1222. I had a blast. I hope you did, too.Copy !req
1223. And I hope you have
a great time this summer on your vacations.Copy !req
1224. Now who here is gonna read
for pleasure this summer?Copy !req
1225. Charlie.Copy !req
1226. Very good.Copy !req
1227. Have a good summer.Copy !req
1228. Last day.Copy !req
1229. Yeah.Copy !req
1230. So I know it's none of my business,
but have you decided?Copy !req
1231. Are you going to New York?Copy !req
1232. Well—Copy !req
1233. My wife and I like it here.Copy !req
1234. And I think I might be better
at teaching than writing.Copy !req
1235. You know, Charlie, I was thinking that, uh...Copy !req
1236. maybe I could still give you books next year.Copy !req
1237. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
1238. I think you could write one of them one day.Copy !req
1239. - Really?
- I do.Copy !req
1240. You're the best teacher I've ever had.Copy !req
1241. Thank you.Copy !req
1242. 10, nine, eight...Copy !req
1243. seven, six, five...Copy !req
1244. four, three, two, one.Copy !req
1245. Dear friend...Copy !req
1246. I wanted to tell you about us running.Copy !req
1247. There was this beautiful sunset.Copy !req
1248. And just a few hours before, everyone I love...Copy !req
1249. had their last day of high school ever.Copy !req
1250. I was happy because they were happy...Copy !req
1251. even though I counted and I have...Copy !req
1252. 1,095 days to go.Copy !req
1253. I kept imagining
what school would be like without them...Copy !req
1254. as they were all getting ready
for their prom.Copy !req
1255. My sister finally decided
to break up with Derek...Copy !req
1256. and go stag with her girlfriends instead.Copy !req
1257. And then there was Sam.Copy !req
1258. I've looked at her picture since that night.Copy !req
1259. I like to see how happy she was
before she knew.Copy !req
1260. They were in a hotel suite after prom
and the truth came out.Copy !req
1261. Basically Craig
has been cheating on Sam the whole time.Copy !req
1262. When I heard that ..Copy !req
1263. I kept thinking about the happy girl
in these pictures.Copy !req
1264. 'Cause she doesn't have 1,095 days to go.Copy !req
1265. She made it.Copy !req
1266. This is her time.Copy !req
1267. And no one should be able to take that away.Copy !req
1268. Congratulations.Copy !req
1269. Oh, Charlie. Charlie's here. Guys, group photo.Copy !req
1270. We should all take a group photo.Copy !req
1271. Ooh! Get against the railing
and try to look suave.Copy !req
1272. Yep, this is the one.
That's gonna be a great angle.Copy !req
1273. At her going away party...Copy !req
1274. I wanted her to know about that night
we went through the tunnel.Copy !req
1275. And how for the first time...Copy !req
1276. I felt like I belonged somewhere.Copy !req
1277. And tomorrow, she's leaving.Copy !req
1278. So I wanted to give her a part of me.Copy !req
1279. Are these all your books, Charlie?Copy !req
1280. Thanks for staying up with me.Copy !req
1281. Sure.Copy !req
1282. My brother said Penn State has
this restaurant called Ye Olde College Diner.Copy !req
1283. You have to get a grilled
sticky on your first night.Copy !req
1284. It's a tradition.Copy !req
1285. That sounds like fun.Copy !req
1286. Yeah.Copy !req
1287. Pretty soon, you'll have
a whole new group of friends, you know.Copy !req
1288. You won't even think about this place anymore.Copy !req
1289. Yes, I will.Copy !req
1290. Had lunch with Craig today.Copy !req
1291. Yeah?Copy !req
1292. He said he was sorry and that I was right
to break up with him.Copy !req
1293. I'm driving away
and was feeling so small.Copy !req
1294. Just asking myself,
"Why do I and everyone I love...Copy !req
1295. pick people who treat us like we're nothing?"Copy !req
1296. We accept the love we think we deserve.Copy !req
1297. Then why didn't you ever ask me out?Copy !req
1298. [, um—Copy !req
1299. I just didn't think that you wanted that.Copy !req
1300. Well, what did you want?Copy !req
1301. I just want you to be happy.Copy !req
1302. Don't you get it, Charlie?Copy !req
1303. I can't feel that.Copy !req
1304. It's really sweet and everything, but—Copy !req
1305. You can't just sit there
and put everybody's lives ahead of yours...Copy !req
1306. and think that counts as love.Copy !req
1307. I don't want to be somebody's crush.Copy !req
1308. I want people to like the real me.Copy !req
1309. I know who you are, Sam.Copy !req
1310. I know I'm quiet.Copy !req
1311. And I know I should speak more.Copy !req
1312. But if you knew the things
that were in my head most of the time...Copy !req
1313. you'd know what it really meant.Copy !req
1314. How much we're alike...Copy !req
1315. and how we've been through the same things.Copy !req
1316. And you're not small.Copy !req
1317. You're beautiful.Copy !req
1318. What's wrong, Charlie?Copy !req
1319. Nothing.Copy !req
1320. You know I'm gonna call you all the time.Copy !req
1321. - We're gonna see each other in New York.
- All the time.Copy !req
1322. Come on, Sam.Copy !req
1323. What's wrong, Charlie?Copy !req
1324. Put your seat belt on.Copy !req
1325. we'll meet you there.Copy !req
1326. Don't wake your sister.Copy !req
1327. It'll be our little secret, okay?Copy !req
1328. Look, Charlie, she's fast asleep.Copy !req
1329. Don't wake your sister.Copy !req
1330. My fault.Copy !req
1331. My fault.Copy !req
1332. My fault.Copy !req
1333. It's all my faultCopy !req
1334. It'l] be our little secret. Okay?Copy !req
1335. Stop it.Copy !req
1336. Stop.Copy !req
1337. Stop crying.Copy !req
1338. Stop crying.Copy !req
1339. This'll be our little secret.Copy !req
1340. Candace. Your brother's on the phone.Copy !req
1341. Hello?Copy !req
1342. - Hey, Candace.
- Charlie?Copy !req
1343. Sam and Patrick left,
and I can't stop thinking about something.Copy !req
1344. Shh. What?Copy !req
1345. Candace...Copy !req
1346. ! killed Aunt Helen, didn't I?Copy !req
1347. She died getting my birthday present...Copy !req
1348. so I guess I killed her, right?Copy !req
1349. I've tried to stop thinking that,
but can'tCopy !req
1350. She keeps driving away and dying.Copy !req
1351. Call the police and send them to my house.Copy !req
1352. I can't stop her. I'm crazy again.Copy !req
1353. No. Charlie, listen to me.Copy !req
1354. Mom and Dad are gonna be home
with Chris any second.Copy !req
1355. I'm just thinking...Copy !req
1356. what if I wanted her to die, Candace?Copy !req
1357. - What? Charlie?Copy !req
1358. Charlie!Copy !req
1359. Charlie?Copy !req
1360. I'm Dr. Burton.Copy !req
1361. Where am I?Copy !req
1362. Mayview Hospital.Copy !req
1363. You, uh—
You have to let me go. My dad can't afford it.Copy !req
1364. Oh, don't worry about that.Copy !req
1365. No. I saw them when I was little...Copy !req
1366. and I don't want to be a Mayview kid.Copy !req
1367. Just tell me how to stop it.Copy !req
1368. Stop what?Copy !req
1369. Seeing it.Copy !req
1370. All their lives all the time.Copy !req
1371. How do you stop seeing it?Copy !req
1372. Seeing what, Charlie?Copy !req
1373. There is so much pain.Copy !req
1374. And I don't know how to not notice it.Copy !req
1375. What's hurting you?Copy !req
1376. No, not me.Copy !req
1377. It's them. It's everyone. It never stops.Copy !req
1378. Do you understand?Copy !req
1379. What about your Aunt Helen?Copy !req
1380. What about her?Copy !req
1381. Do you see her?Copy !req
1382. Yes.Copy !req
1383. She had a terrible life.Copy !req
1384. God, what am I supposed to—Copy !req
1385. You said some things about her in your sleep.Copy !req
1386. I don't care.Copy !req
1387. If you want to get better...Copy !req
1388. you have to.Copy !req
1389. She—Copy !req
1390. She was insane.Copy !req
1391. I'm just sayin'.Copy !req
1392. She—Copy !req
1393. Charlie?Copy !req
1394. You gonna let me help you here?Copy !req
1395. Okay.Copy !req
1396. Do you remember anything
before you blacked out?Copy !req
1397. I remember leaving Sam's house.Copy !req
1398. I was walking home. And—Copy !req
1399. I was in the hospital for a while.Copy !req
1400. I won't go into detail about all of it.Copy !req
1401. But I will say there were some very bad days.Copy !req
1402. And some unexpected beautiful days.Copy !req
1403. The worst day was the time my doctor
told my mom and dad...Copy !req
1404. what Aunt Helen did to me.Copy !req
1405. Honey?Copy !req
1406. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
1407. The best days were those
when [I could have visitors.Copy !req
1408. My brother and sister always came for those...Copy !req
1409. until Chris had to go to training camp.Copy !req
1410. He's going to be first string this year.Copy !req
1411. My sister told me she met a nice guy
at her summer job.Copy !req
1412. Here he is.Copy !req
1413. So I'll see you Thursday at 6:00, right?Copy !req
1414. - Okay.
- You gonna hang in there?Copy !req
1415. My doctor said we can't choose
where we come from...Copy !req
1416. but we can choose where we go from there.Copy !req
1417. I know it's not all the answers...Copy !req
1418. but it was enough to start putting
these pieces together.Copy !req
1419. God bless this food we are about to receive.Copy !req
1420. We thank you for this bounty...Copy !req
1421. in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.Copy !req
1422. - Amen.
- Amen.Copy !req
1423. How do you think the Penguins
are gonna do this year, Dad?Copy !req
1424. Goddamn Penguins.Copy !req
1425. Think they're allergic to goddamn defense.Copy !req
1426. What do the players call a puck again?Copy !req
1427. A biscuit.Copy !req
1428. Are you sure it's not a "goddamn biscuit"?Copy !req
1429. You're cruisin' for a bruisin'.Copy !req
1430. Honey, I think we're gonna have to do...Copy !req
1431. a little shopping for you
before you take off, huh?Copy !req
1432. - Yeah, I need some books.
- Clothes, too.Copy !req
1433. Yeah.Copy !req
1434. Can Charlie come out and play?Copy !req
1435. The first night, we had grilled stickies.Copy !req
1436. So good.Copy !req
1437. You have to visit in the fall.
we'll have some, okay?Copy !req
1438. Definitely.Copy !req
1439. Oh, sorry...Copy !req
1440. Charlie has a breakdown scheduled for October.Copy !req
1441. Well, can I tell you something?Copy !req
1442. I've been away for two months.Copy !req
1443. It's another world.Copy !req
1444. And it gets better.Copy !req
1445. And my roommate Katie
has the best taste in music.Copy !req
1446. I found the tunnel song.Copy !req
1447. Let's drive.Copy !req
1448. I don't know if I will have the time
to write any more letters...Copy !req
1449. because I might be too busy
trying to participate.Copy !req
1450. So, if this does end up being the last letter...Copy !req
1451. I want you to know that I was in a bad place
before I started high school.Copy !req
1452. And you helped me.Copy !req
1453. Even if you didn't know
what I was talking about...Copy !req
1454. or know someone who's gone through itCopy !req
1455. You made me not feel alone.Copy !req
1456. Because I know there are people
who say all these things don't happen.Copy !req
1457. There are people who forget what it's like
to be 16 when they turn 17.Copy !req
1458. I know these will all be stories someday.Copy !req
1459. And our pictures will become old photographs.Copy !req
1460. And we'll all become somebody's mom or dad.Copy !req
1461. But right now these moments
are not stories.Copy !req
1462. This is happening.Copy !req
1463. I am here.Copy !req
1464. And I am looking at her.Copy !req
1465. And she is so beautiful.Copy !req
1466. I can see itCopy !req
1467. This one moment when you know
you're not a sad story.Copy !req
1468. You are alive.Copy !req
1469. You stand up and see the lights
on the buildings...Copy !req
1470. and everything that makes you wonder.Copy !req
1471. And you're listening
to that song on that drive...Copy !req
1472. with the people you love most in this world.Copy !req
1473. And in this moment, I swear...Copy !req
1474. we are infinite.Copy !req
1475. JoCopy !req
1476. nyCopy !req
1477. nyCopy !req
1478. nyCopy !req