1. Dear friend…Copy !req
2. I am writing to you
because she said you listen and understand.Copy !req
3. And didn't try to sleep
with that person at that party…Copy !req
4. even though you could have.Copy !req
5. Please, don't try to figure out who I am.Copy !req
6. I don't want you to do that.Copy !req
7. I just need to know that people like you exist.Copy !req
8. Like, if you met me you wouldn't…Copy !req
9. think I was the weird kid
who spent time in the hospital.Copy !req
10. And I wouldn't make you nervous.Copy !req
11. I hope it's okay for me to think that.Copy !req
12. You see, I haven't really talked to anyone…Copy !req
13. outside of my family all summer.Copy !req
14. But tomorrow is my first day
of high school ever.Copy !req
15. And I need to turn things around.Copy !req
16. So I have a plan.Copy !req
17. As I enter the school for the first time…Copy !req
18. I will visualize what it will be like…Copy !req
19. on the last day of my senior year.Copy !req
20. Unfortunately, I counted and that's—Copy !req
21. Hop, freshman toads! Hop! Let's move it!Copy !req
22. 1,385 days from now.Copy !req
23. We worked out all summer. Rock hard.Copy !req
24. Hey, you know what?
Why don't you guys get a room?Copy !req
25. Just 1,385 days.Copy !req
26. In the meantime, I'd hoped that my sister,
Candace, and her boyfriend Derek…Copy !req
27. would have let me eat lunch
with their Earth Club.Copy !req
28. Seniors only.Copy !req
29. What are you doing with that plastic spork?Copy !req
30. I don't wanna bring back silverware.Copy !req
31. Derek, you're Earth Club treasurer. Come on!Copy !req
32. When my sister said "No," I thought…Copy !req
33. maybe my old friend Susan
would wanna have lunch with me.Copy !req
34. In middle school,
Susan was new fun to be around…Copy !req
35. but now she doesn't
like to say "Hi" to me anymore.Copy !req
36. And then there's Brad Hays.Copy !req
37. Before my older brother
went to play football for Penn State…Copy !req
38. he and Brad played together…Copy !req
39. so I thought maybe he'd say "Hi" to me.Copy !req
40. But Brad's a senior.Copy !req
41. And I'm me. So who am I kidding?Copy !req
42. On the bright side…Copy !req
43. one senior decided to make fun of the teacher
instead of the freshmen.Copy !req
44. He even drew on Mr. Callahan's
legendary goatee…Copy !req
45. with a grease pencil.Copy !req
46. The prick punch is not a toy.Copy !req
47. I learned that back in 'Nam in '68.Copy !req
48. "Callahan," sergeant said...Copy !req
49. "you put down that prick punch.Copy !req
50. You go kill some gooks."Copy !req
51. And you know what happened?Copy !req
52. That prick punch killed my best friend
in a Saigon whorehouse.Copy !req
53. I heard you were gonna be in my class.Copy !req
54. Are you proud to be a senior...Copy !req
55. having to take freshman shop, Patty-Cakes?Copy !req
56. Look, my name is Patrick.Copy !req
57. Either you call me Patrick
or you call me nothing.Copy !req
58. Okay, Nothing.Copy !req
59. I felt really bad for Patrick.Copy !req
60. He wasn't doing the impersonation
to be mean or anything.Copy !req
61. He was just trying
to make us freshmen feel better.Copy !req
62. Nothing, why don't you read first?Copy !req
63. All right. "Chapter One.Copy !req
64. Surviving your fascist shop teacher...Copy !req
65. who needs to put kids down to feel big."Copy !req
66. Oh, wow,
this is useful, guys. We should read on.Copy !req
67. My last class of the day is Advanced English…Copy !req
68. and I'm really excited to finally learn…Copy !req
69. with the smartest kids in the school.Copy !req
70. Nice Trapper Keeper, faggot.Copy !req
71. Believe it or not,
she's gotten straight A's since kindergarten.Copy !req
72. Shh!Copy !req
73. I'm Mr. Anderson.Copy !req
74. I'm gonna be your teacher for freshman English.Copy !req
75. This semester we're gonna learn about...Copy !req
76. Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird.Copy !req
77. Genius book.Copy !req
78. Now, who'd like to get out
of the first pop quiz?Copy !req
79. I'm shocked. All right.
Well, you can skip the quiz...Copy !req
80. if you tell me which author
invented the paperback book.Copy !req
81. Anyone?Copy !req
82. He was British.Copy !req
83. He also invented the serial.Copy !req
84. In fact, at the end of
the third chapter of his first novel...Copy !req
85. he had a man hanging from
a cliff by his fingernails.Copy !req
86. Hence the term "cliff hanger."Copy !req
87. Anybody?Copy !req
88. - Yeah?
- Shakespeare.Copy !req
89. That's a great guess, but no.Copy !req
90. Shakespeare didn't write novels.Copy !req
91. Anybody else?Copy !req
92. Hmm?Copy !req
93. The author...Copy !req
94. was Charles Dickens.Copy !req
95. However, if you and I had
gone to a Shakespeare play...Copy !req
96. it would have cost us four pennies.Copy !req
97. Can you imagine that?Copy !req
98. We would have put those pennies in a metal box.Copy !req
99. The ushers would lock it in the office.Copy !req
100. And that's where we get the term—Copy !req
101. Cash register.Copy !req
102. Office Max.Copy !req
103. I'll give you a free "A" on anything...Copy !req
104. except the final term paper if you get it right.Copy !req
105. Box office.Copy !req
106. You should learn to participate.Copy !req
107. Why didn't you raise your hand?Copy !req
108. They call you the "teacher's pet"?Copy !req
109. "Freak"? That kinda thing?Copy !req
110. I used to get "spaz."Copy !req
111. I mean, come on, "spaz"?Copy !req
112. You know, I heard
you had a tough time last year.Copy !req
113. But they say if you make one friend...Copy !req
114. on your first day, you're doing okay.Copy !req
115. Thank you, sir, but if my English teacher...Copy !req
116. is the only friend I make today...Copy !req
117. that would be sort of depressing.Copy !req
118. Yeah, I can see that.Copy !req
119. Don't worry, Mr. Anderson, I'm okay.Copy !req
120. Thanks.Copy !req
121. I would happily not take shop—Copy !req
122. Hey, freshman toad.Copy !req
123. Well, I have 1,384 days to go.Copy !req
124. Just so I say it to someone…Copy !req
125. high school is even worse than middle school.Copy !req
126. If my parents ask me about it…Copy !req
127. I probably won't tell them the truth…Copy !req
128. because I don't want them…Copy !req
129. to worry that I might get bad again.Copy !req
130. If my Aunt Helen were still here,
I could talk to her…Copy !req
131. and I know she would understand…Copy !req
132. how I'm both happy and sad.Copy !req
133. And I'm still trying
to figure out how that could be.Copy !req
134. I just hope I make a friend soon.Copy !req
135. Love always, Charlie.Copy !req
136. Charlie? Come on.Copy !req
137. Mmm.Copy !req
138. This chicken paprikash is delicious.Copy !req
139. Thank you, Derek. It's Charlie's favorite.Copy !req
140. He was a little nervous about starting high
school today, so I made it for him.Copy !req
141. Feel a little silly
about being nervous now, huh, Champ?Copy !req
142. Yes, sir. I sure do.Copy !req
143. I told you, just give 'em a smile...Copy !req
144. and be yourself.Copy !req
145. - That's how you—
- Make friends in the real world.Copy !req
146. You're cruisin' for a bruisin'.Copy !req
147. Freshman year is tough, but...Copy !req
148. you really find yourself.Copy !req
149. Thanks, Derek.Copy !req
150. You could have been a little nicer to Derek.Copy !req
151. I'm sorry, the kid's a pussy. I can't stand him.Copy !req
152. - I really hope you love the mix tape I made.
- I do.Copy !req
153. - The cover is hand-painted.
- Oh, wow.Copy !req
154. Hey, Charlie, you want this?Copy !req
155. Are you sure?Copy !req
156. He gives me one every week.Copy !req
157. Hey, babe.Copy !req
158. This next one might be a little sad
but it reminded me of your eyes.Copy !req
159. Did you already do the term paper on
To Kill a Mockingbird?Copy !req
160. No.Copy !req
161. Get him.Copy !req
162. Let's go, Devils!Copy !req
163. Right. Come on, offense!Copy !req
164. - Hey, Nothing.
- Hey, Nothing.Copy !req
165. Oh, suck it, virginity pledges.Copy !req
166. Suck it.Copy !req
167. Oh, you're in trouble now, Jaguars!Copy !req
168. Hey, Patrick.Copy !req
169. Hey. You're in my shop class, right?Copy !req
170. How's your clock coming?Copy !req
171. My dad's building it for me.Copy !req
172. Yeah. Mine looks like a boat.Copy !req
173. You wanna sit over here
or are you waiting for your friends?Copy !req
174. No, no, no, I'll sit.Copy !req
175. Thanks for not calling me Nothing by the way.Copy !req
176. It's an endless nightmare.Copy !req
177. And these assholes,
they actually think they're being original.Copy !req
178. So do you like football?Copy !req
179. Love it. Love football.Copy !req
180. Maybe you know my brother then.Copy !req
181. Hey, Sam.Copy !req
182. Question. Could the bathrooms
here be more disgusting?Copy !req
183. Yes. They call it the men's room.Copy !req
184. Oh. So I finally got hold of Bob.Copy !req
185. Party tonight?Copy !req
186. He's still trying to shag
that waitress from the Olive Garden.Copy !req
187. Ah! He's never tossing that salad.Copy !req
188. Come on!Copy !req
189. Patrick.Copy !req
190. Yeah?Copy !req
191. Who's this?Copy !req
192. This is—Copy !req
193. Charlie Kelmeckis.Copy !req
194. Kelmeckis?Copy !req
195. No shit? Your sister's dating
Ponytail Derek, isn't she?Copy !req
196. - God.
- Is that what they call him?Copy !req
197. Would you leave Ponytail Derek alone?Copy !req
198. You put the "ass" in "class," Patrick.Copy !req
199. I try. Sam, I try.Copy !req
200. It's nice to meet you, Charlie.
I'm Sam.Copy !req
201. - What's the plan? Are we going
to Mary Elizabeth's tonight?
- Nope.Copy !req
202. She got caught watering down her parents'
brandy with iced tea.Copy !req
203. - Ugh!
- Let's just go to Kings.Copy !req
204. All right. We're goin' to Kings
after the game if you wanna come.Copy !req
205. Do you have a favorite band?Copy !req
206. Well, I think The Smiths are my favorite.Copy !req
207. Are you kidding?
I love The Smiths. Best breakup band ever.Copy !req
208. What's your favorite song?Copy !req
209. "Asleep." It's from Louder than Bombs.Copy !req
210. I heard it on Ponytail Derek's mix tape.Copy !req
211. Oh, that works on so many levels.Copy !req
212. I can make you guys a copy if you want.Copy !req
213. - What about Eides? You love Eides, right?
- Yeah, of course. They're great.Copy !req
214. Not a band, Charlie.Copy !req
215. It's a record store downtown.Copy !req
216. Things sound so much better on vinyl.Copy !req
217. You know, I used to be popular
before Sam got me some good music.Copy !req
218. So you be careful.
She'll ruin your life forever.Copy !req
219. That's okay.Copy !req
220. - Hey, Nothing.
- Hey, Nothing.Copy !req
221. Let it go! Jesus!Copy !req
222. It's an antique joke. It's over.Copy !req
223. So what are you gonna do when you
get outta this place?Copy !req
224. Well, my Aunt Helen said I should be a writer...Copy !req
225. but I don't know what I'd write about.Copy !req
226. You could write about us.Copy !req
227. Yeah! Call it Slut and the Falcon.Copy !req
228. Make us solve crimes.Copy !req
229. You guys seem really happy together.Copy !req
230. How long have you been boyfriend and girlfriend?Copy !req
231. He's not my boyfriend. He's my stepbrother.Copy !req
232. My mom finally left my worthless dad...Copy !req
233. and married his nice dad when we moved here.Copy !req
234. But she's not bitter or anything.
Make no mistake.Copy !req
235. Absolutely not. Charlie, I'm not a bulimic.Copy !req
236. - I'm a bulim-ist.
- I'm sorry, I don't know what that is.Copy !req
237. She just really believes in bulimia.Copy !req
238. I love bulimia!Copy !req
239. Hey. Thanks for paying, Charlie.Copy !req
240. Oh, no problem. Thank you guys for the ride.Copy !req
241. - Maybe I'll see you around in school?Copy !req
242. - God, would you turn it down?
You're gonna make us deaf.
- So be it. It's rock and roll.Copy !req
243. Bye, Charlie!Copy !req
244. - Bye, Charlie.
- Okay, bye.Copy !req
245. Your mom says,
"Don't go to Columbia with Candace, Derek."Copy !req
246. - Shh! Shut—
- "Don't go to Columbia!"Copy !req
247. Do you always want to be a mama's boy, Derek?Copy !req
248. I am not a mama's boy!Copy !req
249. You are, because
every single time I go to your house—Copy !req
250. Every single time!Copy !req
251. Shut up, Candace!Copy !req
252. You just stand there like a little bitch dog.Copy !req
253. No. Charlie—
Charlie, just go. I can handle it.Copy !req
254. Just don't wake up Mom and Dad.Copy !req
255. Hey! Look who's here.Copy !req
256. Welcome home, Aunt Helen.Copy !req
257. Aw! Look at you guys.Copy !req
258. Dressed so nice.Copy !req
259. Hey, Candace.Copy !req
260. What are you doing?Copy !req
261. Look, I egged him on. You saw it.Copy !req
262. He's never hit me before,
and I promise you, he will never hit me again.Copy !req
263. Like Aunt Helen's boyfriends?Copy !req
264. Charlie, this is Ponytail Derek.Copy !req
265. I can handle him.Copy !req
266. Do you trust me?Copy !req
267. Please, don't tell Mom and Dad.Copy !req
268. Oh, my God, they're playing good music!Copy !req
269. Holy shit.
Holy shit! They are! They're playing good music.Copy !req
270. - Living room routine.
- Living room routine.Copy !req
271. - Yes.
- Yes!Copy !req
272. Excuse us. Excuse me. Pardon.Copy !req
273. Sorry.Copy !req
274. Get out of the way! Get out of the way!Copy !req
275. Oh!Copy !req
276. God, it's freezing!Copy !req
277. But you wore that toasty costume.
It's not like it's cute or original.Copy !req
278. - You'd hope it would be warm.
- Yeah, piss off, Tennessee Tuxedo.Copy !req
279. Are you sure it's okay that I come?Copy !req
280. Yeah, of course.
Just remember, Charlie, Bob's not paranoid.Copy !req
281. He's sensitive.Copy !req
282. Sam!Copy !req
283. That waitress from the Olive Garden,
she was such a tease.Copy !req
284. - Oh.Copy !req
285. Will you marry me?Copy !req
286. Only with Patrick's blessing.Copy !req
287. Patrick?Copy !req
288. You are a hopeless stoner
who attends the culinary institute.Copy !req
289. I'm gonna say "no" on that,
but nice try. Charlie.Copy !req
290. Oh, touché.Copy !req
291. So, Charlie. This is a party.Copy !req
292. This is what fun looks like.Copy !req
293. Are you ready to meet some desperate women?Copy !req
294. Here, have a seat.Copy !req
295. Hey, ladies.Copy !req
296. Meet Charlie.Copy !req
297. - Hi.
- Meet ladies.Copy !req
298. - Hey.
- Mary Elizabeth.Copy !req
299. - Alice.
- Nice to meet you.Copy !req
300. This is Charlie's first party ever.Copy !req
301. So I expect nice, meaningful,
heartfelt blowjobs from both of you.Copy !req
302. Patrick, you're such a dick.
- Where the hell did you go?Copy !req
303. - The dance was a little boring, don't you think?
- You are so selfish.Copy !req
304. We looked everywhere for you.
You could have told someone.Copy !req
305. Cry me a river.Copy !req
306. How is it that you've got meaner since
becoming a Buddhist?Copy !req
307. Just lucky, I guess.Copy !req
308. No, you're doing something wrong, I think.Copy !req
309. Mmm. Or something very right.Copy !req
310. - Yeah, well—
- Hey!Copy !req
311. Look who's here.Copy !req
312. Is that Brad Hays?Copy !req
313. Yeah. He comes here sometimes.Copy !req
314. - But he's a popular kid.
- Hmm.Copy !req
315. Then what are we?Copy !req
316. Oh, Charlie! You look like
you could use a brownie.Copy !req
317. Thank you.Copy !req
318. I was so hungry at the dance.
I was gonna go to Kings...Copy !req
319. but I didn't really have any time.Copy !req
320. Thanks.Copy !req
321. Have you guys felt this carpet?Copy !req
322. This carpet feels so darn good.Copy !req
323. Charlie, Charlie,
what do you think about high school?Copy !req
324. High school?Copy !req
325. Bullshit.Copy !req
326. The cafeteria is called the Nutrition Center.Copy !req
327. People wear their letter jackets
even when it's 98 degrees out.Copy !req
328. And why do they give out
letter jackets to marching band?Copy !req
329. It's not a sport.Copy !req
330. We all know it.Copy !req
331. This kid is crazy.Copy !req
332. Mary Elizabeth,
I think you're really gonna regret that...Copy !req
333. you know—
haircut when you look back at old photographs.Copy !req
334. - Oh, my God!Copy !req
335. I'm really sorry.
That sounded like a compliment in my head.Copy !req
336. My God!Copy !req
337. Well, it's kinda true.Copy !req
338. Shut up!Copy !req
339. I can't even be mad at him. Look at him.Copy !req
340. Bob, did you get him stoned?Copy !req
341. Come on, Sam, he likes it, just look at him.Copy !req
342. How do you feel, Charlie?Copy !req
343. I just really want a milk shake.Copy !req
344. Sam—Copy !req
345. You have such pretty brown eyes.Copy !req
346. The kind of pretty that deserves to make...Copy !req
347. a big deal about itself though,
you know what I mean?Copy !req
348. Okay, Charlie. Let me make the milk shake.Copy !req
349. Mmm. What a great word. Milk shake.Copy !req
350. It's like when you say your name over and over
again in the mirror...Copy !req
351. and after a while it sounds crazy.Copy !req
352. So I'm guessing you've never been high before?Copy !req
353. No. No, no, no.Copy !req
354. My best friend, Michael,
his dad was a big drinker...Copy !req
355. so he hated all that stuff.Copy !req
356. Parties too.Copy !req
357. Well, where is Michael tonight?Copy !req
358. Oh, he shot himself last May.Copy !req
359. I kinda wished he'd left a note.
You know what I mean?Copy !req
360. Where's the bathroom?Copy !req
361. It's up the stairs.Copy !req
362. Thanks, Sam.Copy !req
363. You're so nice.Copy !req
364. Charlie.Copy !req
365. Weird.Copy !req
366. Oh.Copy !req
367. Charlie.Copy !req
368. What—Copy !req
369. Who was that kid?Copy !req
370. Relax. Relax. He's a friend of mine.Copy !req
371. Stay here.Copy !req
372. I didn't see anything.Copy !req
373. Yeah, I know you saw something,
but it's okay.Copy !req
374. Okay, listen...Copy !req
375. Brad doesn't want anyone to know.Copy !req
376. Wait.Copy !req
377. - Are you baked?
- Like a cake.Copy !req
378. That's what Bob said.Copy !req
379. And you can't have three on a match
because then they'd find us.Copy !req
380. And everybody laughed
but I don't understand what's funny.Copy !req
381. Okay, Charlie, listen.Copy !req
382. I need you to promise...Copy !req
383. that you're not gonna say anything
to anyone about me and Brad.Copy !req
384. Okay? This has to be our little secret.Copy !req
385. Our little secret. Agreed.Copy !req
386. Okay.Copy !req
387. Thank you.Copy !req
388. We'll talk later.Copy !req
389. I look forward to that big talk.Copy !req
390. - Can I have your cherry?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
391. Isn't this the best milk shake ever, Alice?Copy !req
392. It's even better than the first one.Copy !req
393. Charlie just told me that
his best friend shot himself.Copy !req
394. I don't think he has any friends.Copy !req
395. Hey, everyone!Copy !req
396. Everybody!Copy !req
397. Everyone...Copy !req
398. raise your glasses to Charlie.Copy !req
399. - What did I do?
- You didn't do anything.Copy !req
400. We just wanna toast to our new friend.Copy !req
401. You see things.Copy !req
402. And you understand.Copy !req
403. You're a wallflower.Copy !req
404. What is it? What's wrong?Copy !req
405. I didn't think anyone noticed me.Copy !req
406. Well, we didn't think
there was anyone cool left to meet.Copy !req
407. So come on, everyone.Copy !req
408. To Charlie.Copy !req
409. To Charlie.Copy !req
410. Welcome to the Island of Misfit Toys.Copy !req
411. Oh, my God! What is this song?Copy !req
412. Right? I have no idea.Copy !req
413. Have you ever heard this before?Copy !req
414. Never.Copy !req
415. Patrick, we've gotta go through the tunnel.Copy !req
416. Sam, it's freezing.Copy !req
417. Patrick, It's the perfect song.Copy !req
418. No. Mama Patrick says "No."Copy !req
419. Patrick. It's Sam.
It's Sam speaking to you right now.Copy !req
420. I'm begging you to do this for me.Copy !req
421. I concede!Copy !req
422. What is she doing?Copy !req
423. Oh, don't worry. She does it all the time.Copy !req
424. Turn it up!Copy !req
425. You got it, your highness.Copy !req
426. What?Copy !req
427. I feel infinite.Copy !req
428. Dear friend…Copy !req
429. I'm sorry I haven't written for a while…Copy !req
430. but I've been trying hard not to be a loser.Copy !req
431. For example, I'm trying to participate…Copy !req
432. by listening to Sam's collection
of big rock ballads…Copy !req
433. and thinking about love.Copy !req
434. Sam says they're kitschy and brilliant.Copy !req
435. I completely agree.Copy !req
436. I'm also writing essays
and studying extra books outside of class.Copy !req
437. As it turns out, Mr. Anderson is a writerCopy !req
438. He even had a play put up in New York once…Copy !req
439. which I think is very impressive.Copy !req
440. Great Gatsby?Copy !req
441. He and his wife might go back there
after this year.Copy !req
442. I know this is selfish,
but I really hope he doesn't.Copy !req
443. My favorite time, though, is lunch…Copy !req
444. because I get to see Sam and Patrick.Copy !req
445. We spend the time working on
Mary Elizabeth's fanzine…Copy !req
446. about music and
The Rocky Horror Picture Show.Copy !req
447. It's called Punk Rocky.Copy !req
448. Mary Elizabeth is really interesting…Copy !req
449. because she's a Buddhist and a punk.Copy !req
450. But somehow she always acts like my father
at the end of a long dayCopy !req
451. Her best friend Alice loves vampires…Copy !req
452. and wants to go to film school.Copy !req
453. She also steals jeans from the mall.Copy !req
454. I don't know why, because her family is rich…Copy !req
455. but I'm trying not to be judgmental.Copy !req
456. Especially since I know
that they were alt there for Patrick last year.Copy !req
457. Patrick never likes to be serious…Copy !req
458. So it took me a while to get what happened.Copy !req
459. When he was a junior, Patrick started seeing
Brad on the weekends in secret.Copy !req
460. I guess it was hard, too…Copy !req
461. because Brad had to
get drunk every time they fooled around.Copy !req
462. Then Monday in school, Brad would say…Copy !req
463. "Man, I was so wasted I don't remember a thing."Copy !req
464. This went on for seven months.Copy !req
465. When they finally did it,
Brad said he loved Patrick.Copy !req
466. Then he started to cry.Copy !req
467. No matter what Patrick did…Copy !req
468. Brad kept saying that his dad would kill him.Copy !req
469. And saying that he was going to hell.Copy !req
470. Patrick was eventually
able to help Brad get sober.Copy !req
471. I asked Patrick if he felt sad…Copy !req
472. that he still had to keep it a secret.Copy !req
473. And he said "No," because at least now…Copy !req
474. Brad doesn't have to get drunk to love him.Copy !req
475. I think I understand, because I really like Sam.Copy !req
476. I asked my sister about her…Copy !req
477. and she said that when Sam was a freshman…Copy !req
478. the upperclassmen used to
get her drunk at parties.Copy !req
479. I guess she had a reputation.Copy !req
480. But I don't care.Copy !req
481. I'd hate for her to judge me based on
what I used to be like.Copy !req
482. So I've been making her
a mix tape so she'll know how I feel.Copy !req
483. Oh, shit!Copy !req
484. - C!
- C!Copy !req
485. - Give me a K!
- K!Copy !req
486. - Give me a Y!
- Y!Copy !req
487. What's that spell?Copy !req
488. Rocky!Copy !req
489. I can't hear you!Copy !req
490. Rocky!Copy !req
491. One more time!Copy !req
492. Rocky!Copy !req
493. She went ape-shit.Copy !req
494. That picture is gorgeous, Craig.
What did you use?Copy !req
495. Oh, I know. Thank you.Copy !req
496. Color film,
but black and white paper for printing.Copy !req
497. Yeah. My professor gave me an A...Copy !req
498. but for all the wrong reasons.Copy !req
499. Most of them are idiots.Copy !req
500. You'll see what I mean when you get to college.Copy !req
501. How'd your S.A.T.'s go, by the way?Copy !req
502. 1150. I think I'll get into NYU.Copy !req
503. Yeah, I hope so.Copy !req
504. 1490. Harvard. Face.Copy !req
505. So—Copy !req
506. Are you okay?Copy !req
507. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
508. But I got my S.A.T. results back.Copy !req
509. Oops.Copy !req
510. You can take them again, you know.Copy !req
511. Yeah, it's just,
if I'm going to Penn State main campus...Copy !req
512. I have to do much better.Copy !req
513. I wish I would have studied freshman year.Copy !req
514. It's a bit of a mess.Copy !req
515. I'll help you study for the next one.Copy !req
516. Will you?Copy !req
517. Yeah. Of course.Copy !req
518. Thanks, Charlie.Copy !req
519. What's this?Copy !req
520. It's just a mix tape. No big deal.Copy !req
521. My parents have a good stereo, so—Copy !req
522. It's all about that night in the tunnel.Copy !req
523. I couldn't find that song
that we were listening to...Copy !req
524. but, you know, I'm still
searching for it, so yeah.Copy !req
525. That's okay.Copy !req
526. These are great.Copy !req
527. Nick Drake.Copy !req
528. The Shaggs.Copy !req
529. You have really good taste, Charlie.Copy !req
530. Really?Copy !req
531. Yeah.Copy !req
532. Way better than me as a freshman.Copy !req
533. I used to listen to the worst Top 40.Copy !req
534. - No.
- Yeah, I did.Copy !req
535. Then I heard this old song.Copy !req
536. "Pearly Dewdrops' Drop."Copy !req
537. And I thought someday
I'd be at a party in college or something...Copy !req
538. and I'd look up and see
this person across the room.Copy !req
539. And from that moment, I'd know...Copy !req
540. everything was going to be okay.Copy !req
541. You know what I mean?Copy !req
542. Yeah.Copy !req
543. I hope it works out.Copy !req
544. I don't know.Copy !req
545. Craig would be
a big step up from her last boyfriend.Copy !req
546. Yeah, no shit.Copy !req
547. Who could forget Mr. Car Wash Loser?Copy !req
548. I just hope she can stop playing dumb
with these guys.Copy !req
549. I keep telling her, "Don't make yourself small."Copy !req
550. Can't save anybody.Copy !req
551. Excuse me.Copy !req
552. Man, your mix is morbidly sad, kid.Copy !req
553. How about something
a little bit more upbeat, huh?Copy !req
554. Let's just see.Copy !req
555. So Sam tells me you wanna be a writer.Copy !req
556. Yeah.Copy !req
557. Don't you write poetry, Craig?Copy !req
558. Poetry writes me. You know?Copy !req
559. Let's get this party started.Copy !req
560. Wow.Copy !req
561. That was fast.Copy !req
562. You want another one?Copy !req
563. Yeah.Copy !req
564. All right.Copy !req
565. Mr. Anderson?Copy !req
566. Can I ask you something?Copy !req
567. Yeah.Copy !req
568. Why do nice people choose
the wrong people to date?Copy !req
569. Are we talking about anyone specific?Copy !req
570. Well—Copy !req
571. We accept the love we think we deserve.Copy !req
572. Can we make them know that they deserve more?Copy !req
573. We can try.Copy !req
574. - Hey.
- Hey, Sam. Didn't see you come in.Copy !req
575. How's it goin'?Copy !req
576. You wanna start work on
probability and statistics?Copy !req
577. Yeah. Sure.Copy !req
578. Page 291 in your book.Copy !req
579. And I ordered you some breakfast.Copy !req
580. The country breakfast.Copy !req
581. Dad?Copy !req
582. Can I have 30 dollars?Copy !req
583. Twenty dollars?
What do you need 10 dollars for?Copy !req
584. Sam's doing Secret Santa.Copy !req
585. It's her favorite thing in the world. Please?Copy !req
586. Have fun.Copy !req
587. Thanks.Copy !req
588. Hmm!Copy !req
589. Charlie.Copy !req
590. This was my favorite book growing up.Copy !req
591. This is my copy, but I want you to have it.Copy !req
592. Thanks.Copy !req
593. Have a great Christmas break.Copy !req
594. You, too, Mr. Anderson.Copy !req
595. Terrible stain.Copy !req
596. That's pretty good, Charlie.Copy !req
597. You gotta be kidding me.Copy !req
598. If you fail me, you get me next semester.Copy !req
599. Whoo!Copy !req
600. C minus!
Ladies and gentlemen, I am below average!Copy !req
601. - Below average!
- Below average!Copy !req
602. Guys, 1210.Copy !req
603. What?Copy !req
604. No more applications! No more S.A.T.'s!Copy !req
605. Thank you, Charlie!Copy !req
606. All right. All right, guys, I got—Copy !req
607. Multiple pairs of blue jeans.Copy !req
608. Wow, this is a really tough one...Copy !req
609. but I'm gonna have to guess Alice.Copy !req
610. Wait.Copy !req
611. Guys, a receipt! She actually paid!Copy !req
612. I'm so touched!Copy !req
613. Where's Craig?Copy !req
614. Oh, he went home to Connecticut.Copy !req
615. But he'll be back for New Year's Eve.Copy !req
616. Sorry we won't be seeing him tonight.Copy !req
617. All right, big brother by three weeks,
who's your Secret Santa?Copy !req
618. I'll tell you, Sam.Copy !req
619. This one's tough.Copy !req
620. I have received a harmonica...Copy !req
621. a Magnetic Poetry set...Copy !req
622. a book about Harvey Milk...Copy !req
623. and a mix tape with
the song "Asleep" on it twice.Copy !req
624. I mean, I have no idea.Copy !req
625. This collection of presents is so gay...Copy !req
626. that I think I must have given them to myself.Copy !req
627. But despite that distinct possibility...Copy !req
628. I'm gonna have to go with—Copy !req
629. Drum roll.Copy !req
630. - Charlie.
- Oh!Copy !req
631. Obviously.Copy !req
632. Beautifully done.Copy !req
633. All right, Charlie. It's your turn.Copy !req
634. Okay.Copy !req
635. Okey dokey.Copy !req
636. I have received socks, pants,
a shirt and a belt.Copy !req
637. I was ordered to wear them all tonight, so—Copy !req
638. Guessing my Secret Santa is Mary Elizabeth.Copy !req
639. Huh. Now why do you say that?Copy !req
640. You know, she bosses people around sometimes.Copy !req
641. - Sorry.Copy !req
642. - What the hell is wrong with you?
- Sorry.Copy !req
643. You'll be surprised to know
that your Secret Santa is actually me.Copy !req
644. Why all the clothes?Copy !req
645. Well, all the great writers
used to wear great suits.Copy !req
646. So your last present
is on a towel rack in the bathroom.Copy !req
647. Delve into our facilities.Copy !req
648. Emerge a star.Copy !req
649. Perfect.Copy !req
650. Will you hand these out while I'm gone?Copy !req
651. Wait a second.Copy !req
652. There's only Secret Santa presents.
There's rules.Copy !req
653. Mary Elizabeth, why are you
trying to eat Christmas?Copy !req
654. Hand them out, Sam.Copy !req
655. All right. Mary Elizabeth. For you.Copy !req
656. Alice.Copy !req
657. Thanks.Copy !req
658. Bob.Copy !req
659. And this one's for me.Copy !req
660. "Alice, I know you'll get into NYU."Copy !req
661. Forty dollars to print
Punk Rocky in color next time.Copy !req
662. He knows me.Copy !req
663. - He really knows me.Copy !req
664. All right, Charlie.Copy !req
665. Come on out.Copy !req
666. Get out here, buddy.Copy !req
667. Come on, Charlie. Charlie!Copy !req
668. Don't be shy.Copy !req
669. Come out, come out, wherever—Copy !req
670. - Oh!Copy !req
671. - Yeah!Copy !req
672. What a display of man I have never seen!Copy !req
673. Where are we going?Copy !req
674. It's a surprise.Copy !req
675. Is this your room?Copy !req
676. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
677. So cool.Copy !req
678. Thanks.Copy !req
679. You got me a present?Copy !req
680. After all your help
on my Penn State application?Copy !req
681. Of course I did.Copy !req
682. Open it!Copy !req
683. I don't know what to say.Copy !req
684. You don't have to say anything.Copy !req
685. I'm really sorry we can't
be here for your birthday.Copy !req
686. No, that's okay. I'm just sorry
you have to go back and visit your dad.Copy !req
687. I'm in such a good mood
I don't think even he could ruin it.Copy !req
688. I feel like I'm finally doing good.Copy !req
689. You are.Copy !req
690. Well, what about you?Copy !req
691. When I met you,
you were this scared freshman.Copy !req
692. Now look at you in that suit.Copy !req
693. You're like a sexy English schoolboy.Copy !req
694. I saw Mary Elizabeth checking you out.Copy !req
695. No.Copy !req
696. Innocent.Copy !req
697. Worst kinda guys.Copy !req
698. Never see you coming.Copy !req
699. And parents love you.Copy !req
700. That's, like...Copy !req
701. extra danger.Copy !req
702. Yeah, well, it hasn't worked so far.Copy !req
703. You've never had a girlfriend?Copy !req
704. Not even like a second grade Valentine?Copy !req
705. Nope.Copy !req
706. Have you ever kissed a girl?Copy !req
707. No.Copy !req
708. What about you?Copy !req
709. Have I ever kissed a girl?Copy !req
710. No, no. Your first kiss.Copy !req
711. I was 11.Copy !req
712. His name was Robert.Copy !req
713. He used to come over to the house all the time.Copy !req
714. Was he your first boyfriend?Copy !req
715. He was my—Copy !req
716. He was my dad's boss.Copy !req
717. You know, Charlie, I used to sleep with guys
who treated me like shit.Copy !req
718. And get wasted all the time.Copy !req
719. But now I feel like...Copy !req
720. I have a chance. Like—Copy !req
721. I can even get into a real college.Copy !req
722. It's true. You can do it.Copy !req
723. You really think so?Copy !req
724. My aunt had that same thing
done to her, too.Copy !req
725. And she turned her life around.Copy !req
726. She must have been great.Copy !req
727. She was my favorite person in the world.Copy !req
728. Until now.Copy !req
729. Charlie—Copy !req
730. I know that you know I like Craig.Copy !req
731. But I want to forget about that
for a minute, okay?Copy !req
732. Okay.Copy !req
733. I just wanna make sure
that the first person who kisses you...Copy !req
734. loves you.Copy !req
735. Okay?Copy !req
736. Okay.Copy !req
737. I love you, Charlie.Copy !req
738. I love you, too.Copy !req
739. I wanna do Secret Santa forever!Copy !req
740. I wanna do Secret Santa forever!Copy !req
741. Have a good time at your mom's.Copy !req
742. Thanks. And, listen, Charlie.Copy !req
743. Because your birthday's on Christmas Eve...Copy !req
744. I figure you don't get that many presents?Copy !req
745. I thought you should have my clock.Copy !req
746. From the heart.Copy !req
747. Thank you, Patrick.Copy !req
748. Bye.Copy !req
749. Have a good one, guys.Copy !req
750. I love you guys!Copy !req
751. Hey!Copy !req
752. Look who's here.Copy !req
753. - Come here, little sister.
- Hey, Chris.Copy !req
754. Hey, honey. Ah.Copy !req
755. Ma, you look so thin.Copy !req
756. You. Look at you.Copy !req
757. Charlie.Copy !req
758. Come on, I got dinner ready.Copy !req
759. - Happy birthday.
- Thanks.Copy !req
760. Let's eat.Copy !req
761. Make a wish, honey.Copy !req
762. Can you see it, Charlie?Copy !req
763. The luminaria is a landing strip
for Santa Claus.Copy !req
764. Why don't you keep an eye out for him,
and I will be right back, okay?Copy !req
765. Going to get your birthday present.Copy !req
766. Hey.Copy !req
767. Hey.Copy !req
768. God, I miss Mom's cooking.Copy !req
769. You have no idea how good you have it.Copy !req
770. I'm actually starting to hate pizza.Copy !req
771. - Mmm.Copy !req
772. So how you liking school?Copy !req
773. Well, I'm no braniac like you or Candace.Copy !req
774. I'm doing okay.Copy !req
775. Okay? You're playing in a bowl game.Copy !req
776. How are you feeling, Charlie?Copy !req
777. Good.Copy !req
778. No, you know what I mean.Copy !req
779. Is it bad tonight?Copy !req
780. No.Copy !req
781. No.Copy !req
782. I'm not picturing things anymore.Copy !req
783. Or if I do, I can just shut it off.Copy !req
784. Well, you know, Mom did say
that you have good friends now.Copy !req
785. And maybe if it does get bad again...Copy !req
786. you can just talk to them. Yeah?Copy !req
787. Yeah.Copy !req
788. Especially Sam. She's great.Copy !req
789. I'm gonna ask her out at New Year's.Copy !req
790. I think the time is right now.Copy !req
791. - Body of Christ.
- Amen.Copy !req
792. - Body of Christ.
- Amen.Copy !req
793. - Body of Christ.
- Amen.Copy !req
794. - Body of Christ.
- Amen.Copy !req
795. How long does this take to work?Copy !req
796. Shovelin' snow, huh?Copy !req
797. I have to get this driveway clean.Copy !req
798. And then...Copy !req
799. I'm going to congratulate you on being happy.Copy !req
800. 'Cause you deserve it.Copy !req
801. You said that
an hour ago.Copy !req
802. Was that tonight?Copy !req
803. Oh, I just...Copy !req
804. saw this tree, but it was a dragon.Copy !req
805. Then it was a tree again and it just lied to me.Copy !req
806. Okay, Charlie,
don't freak out. Give me this.Copy !req
807. Calm down.Copy !req
808. Look up.Copy !req
809. Isn't it quiet?Copy !req
810. Sam, do you think if people knew...Copy !req
811. how crazy you really were,
no one would ever talk to you?Copy !req
812. All the time.Copy !req
813. So you wanna wear these glasses?Copy !req
814. They'll protect you.Copy !req
815. 10, 9, 8, 7...Copy !req
816. 6, 5, 4…Copy !req
817. 3, 2, 1!Copy !req
818. It's gonna be our little secret.Copy !req
819. Did your older friends pressure you?Copy !req
820. No one pressured me, Officer.Copy !req
821. I would never do drugs. Never.Copy !req
822. Then how did you happen to be passed out
on the ground at 6:00 in the morning?Copy !req
823. Well, I, um— I-I was really tired.Copy !req
824. And I was feeling feverish...Copy !req
825. so I went outside
for a walk just to get some cold air.Copy !req
826. I started seeing things, so I passed out.Copy !req
827. You're seeing things again, Charlie?Copy !req
828. Not really.Copy !req
829. Nice suit.Copy !req
830. It was a Christmas present.Copy !req
831. Did you have fun on your break?Copy !req
832. More fun than you're gonna have today, Sinatra.Copy !req
833. Nice look, jag-off.Copy !req
834. I've called him 30 times.Copy !req
835. What are we supposed to do?
We're going on in 10 minutes.Copy !req
836. - They said in health class—
- Hello?Copy !req
837. They say that about L.S.D. just to scare you.Copy !req
838. - Are you sure? You know I've seen—
- Charlie, you're fine, man.Copy !req
839. Guys, we have an emergency.Copy !req
840. Craig has flaked out on us again.Copy !req
841. So I need a Rocky.Copy !req
842. Brad?Copy !req
843. No. No way. No. I'm not—Copy !req
844. There's people out there. No.Copy !req
845. Charlie, take off your clothes.Copy !req
846. Maybe I can join the cast
as an alternate or something.Copy !req
847. Well, we're filled up now...Copy !req
848. but they're gonna
need people when we go to college.Copy !req
849. We could put in a good word for you.Copy !req
850. That'd be great. Thanks.Copy !req
851. Yeah.Copy !req
852. Charlie—Copy !req
853. Have you heard of the Sadie Hawkins dance?Copy !req
854. The one where the girl asks the guy?Copy !req
855. Obviously, it is completely stupid.Copy !req
856. And sexist. I mean, it's like
"Hey, thanks for the crumb."Copy !req
857. And normally, I would just blow it off,
because school dances suck torture.Copy !req
858. But, you know, it's my last year and—Copy !req
859. Would you maybe wanna go with me?Copy !req
860. You wanna go with me?Copy !req
861. Yeah, I'm sick of macho guys.Copy !req
862. Plus you looked really cute in your costume.Copy !req
863. So what do you say?Copy !req
864. You must be Mary Elizabeth.Copy !req
865. Yes.Copy !req
866. It's so nice to meet you.Copy !req
867. You, too, Mrs. Kelmeckis.Copy !req
868. Charlie tells me you're a Buddhist.Copy !req
869. - Please, come in.
- Okay.Copy !req
870. A little closer together.Copy !req
871. - That looks nice.
- Hmm.Copy !req
872. Buddhist, I need you to smile a little bit more.Copy !req
873. There you go. Nice.Copy !req
874. Hey.Copy !req
875. Hey.Copy !req
876. Are you having a good time?Copy !req
877. Not really. How about you?Copy !req
878. I mean, I don't know.Copy !req
879. It's my first date, I don't
have much to compare it to.Copy !req
880. You're doing fine.Copy !req
881. Sorry Craig couldn't come.Copy !req
882. Yeah. He said he didn't want to go to
some stupid high school dance.Copy !req
883. I can't say I blame him really.Copy !req
884. I don't know.
If you like it, he should come.Copy !req
885. Thanks, Charlie.Copy !req
886. Have a beautiful first date.Copy !req
887. You deserve it.Copy !req
888. I'll try not to make you too jealous.Copy !req
889. Mmm!Copy !req
890. Now just let it breathe.Copy !req
891. Whoa.Copy !req
892. It sure is a nice house.Copy !req
893. Thanks.Copy !req
894. Mmm.Copy !req
895. Don't you just love old music?Copy !req
896. Yeah.Copy !req
897. Good. 'Cause I made you a mix of it.Copy !req
898. I'd love to expose you to great things like...Copy !req
899. Billie Holiday and foreign films.Copy !req
900. This merlot is really fancy.Copy !req
901. Yeah. My dad collects wine,
but he doesn't drink.Copy !req
902. That's kinda weird, isn't it?Copy !req
903. I guess. Where are your parents?Copy !req
904. Their club's hosting
a cotillion or something racist.Copy !req
905. They'll be gone all night.Copy !req
906. Sure is a nice fire.Copy !req
907. Yeah.Copy !req
908. When I'm done being a lobbyist...Copy !req
909. I wanna move to a house like this in Cape Cod.Copy !req
910. Sounds nice, doesn't it?Copy !req
911. Yeah.Copy !req
912. Your heart is beating really fast.Copy !req
913. Is it?Copy !req
914. Here. Feel.Copy !req
915. - Charlie?
- Uh-huh?Copy !req
916. Do you like me?Copy !req
917. Uh-huh.Copy !req
918. You know what I mean.Copy !req
919. I think so.Copy !req
920. Don't be nervous.Copy !req
921. Charlie.Copy !req
922. I didn't know how tonight was gonna go, but—Copy !req
923. It's really nice, isn't it?Copy !req
924. Yeah.Copy !req
925. I just can't believe it.Copy !req
926. You, of all people.Copy !req
927. I just can't believe you're my boyfriend.Copy !req
928. Shit! My parents! Shit!Copy !req
929. - Here, zip this up.
- Okay. No, I got this.Copy !req
930. Just zip it up like a normal zipper!Copy !req
931. It's stuck. It's just—Copy !req
932. Thank you.Copy !req
933. See you Monday.Copy !req
934. Dear friend…Copy !req
935. sorry I haven't written for a while…Copy !req
936. but things are a total disaster.Copy !req
937. We're literally making out and I'm in my bra—Copy !req
938. Hello!
And the front door opens, it's my parents!Copy !req
939. I probably should have been honest about…Copy !req
940. how I didn't want to go out with Mary Elizabeth
after Sadie's, but…Copy !req
941. I really didn't want to hurt her feelings.Copy !req
942. You see, Mary Elizabeth
is a really nice person…Copy !req
943. underneath the part of her that hates everyone.Copy !req
944. Hey!Copy !req
945. And since I heard that
having a girlfriend makes you happy…Copy !req
946. I tried hard to love her like I love Sam.Copy !req
947. Can you believe it's almost
our 2-week anniversary?Copy !req
948. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
949. So I took her on double dates.Copy !req
950. First foreign film.Copy !req
951. Do you want butter on your popcorn?Copy !req
952. Vegans don't eat butter.Copy !req
953. And I tried not to mind
that she loves to hold hands…Copy !req
954. even when her hands are sweaty.Copy !req
955. And I had to admit something
really upsetting, but…Copy !req
956. I'm tired of touching her boobs.Copy !req
957. I thought maybe if she would just let me
pick the make-out music…Copy !req
958. once in a while, we might have a chance.Copy !req
959. And maybe if she didn't put down the books
that Mr. Anderson gives me.Copy !req
960. Walden.Copy !req
961. I read this in 7th grade.Copy !req
962. I would have called it On Boring Pond.Copy !req
963. Or if she would stop calling me the minute
I get home from school…Copy !req
964. when I have absolutely nothing to talk about
other than the bus ride home.Copy !req
965. Somehow she finds new things to say.Copy !req
966. That diary just sits with you.Copy !req
967. You know, it walks with you.Copy !req
968. She's on the phone right now?Copy !req
969. Charlie, you've gotta break up with her.Copy !req
970. I can do that?Copy !req
971. For Christ's sake, I need to use the phone.Copy !req
972. I got you this book.Copy !req
973. It's really how I became a vegan.Copy !req
974. I know I should have been honest…Copy !req
975. but I was getting so mad
if was starting to scare me.Copy !req
976. I mean the way they treat those—Copy !req
977. I just wish I could have
found another way to break up.Copy !req
978. Um, Mary Elizabeth, can I talk to you—Copy !req
979. Charlie, please don't interrupt.
You know I hate that.Copy !req
980. In hindsight, I probably
could not have picked…Copy !req
981. a worse way to be honest with
May Elizabeth.Copy !req
982. Truth or dare?Copy !req
983. Who are you talking to?Copy !req
984. I dare you to kiss Alice.Copy !req
985. Oh.Copy !req
986. Gird your loins, procreator.Copy !req
987. Oh, my God.Copy !req
988. Mary Elizabeth, Samantha told me
that you got into Harvard. Congratulations.Copy !req
989. Thank you. This one still
hasn't gotten me flowers.Copy !req
990. But I forgive you.Copy !req
991. Hey, don't worry about Penn State.
You're just wait-listed.Copy !req
992. Yeah.Copy !req
993. You guys are about to miss
some severely hot fag-on-goth action.Copy !req
994. Wow.Copy !req
995. Get a room.Copy !req
996. Mmm! You're a monster.Copy !req
997. My turn. Let's see.Copy !req
998. Let's think. Charlie.Copy !req
999. Truth.Copy !req
1000. How's your first relationship going?Copy !req
1001. It's so bad...Copy !req
1002. that I keep fantasizing
that one of us is dying of cancer.Copy !req
1003. So that I don't have to break up with her.Copy !req
1004. Charlie? Truth or dare?Copy !req
1005. Hello?Copy !req
1006. Dare.Copy !req
1007. Okay, I dare you
to kiss the prettiest girl in the room...Copy !req
1008. on the lips.Copy !req
1009. And notice I charitably said
"girl" and not "person"...Copy !req
1010. because, let's face it,
I'd smoke all you bitches.Copy !req
1011. Oh, that's fucked up.Copy !req
1012. Mary Elizabeth.Copy !req
1013. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
1014. It was a mistake, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1015. Sam? Sam?Copy !req
1016. I really didn't mean anything by it. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1017. What the hell is wrong with you?Copy !req
1018. I should go back and apologize.Copy !req
1019. Charlie, trust me,
you don't wanna go back in there.Copy !req
1020. I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean to do anything.Copy !req
1021. I know you didn't.Copy !req
1022. But, look—Copy !req
1023. I hate to be the one to break this...Copy !req
1024. but there's history with Mary Elizabeth and Sam.Copy !req
1025. Other guys and things that have
nothing to do with you.Copy !req
1026. It's best if you just stay away for a while.Copy !req
1027. Oh, okay.Copy !req
1028. How long do you think?Copy !req
1029. - Charlie.Copy !req
1030. Come on, get dressed.
You're gonna be late for Easter Mass.Copy !req
1031. I'll be there in a minute.Copy !req
1032. Our Father,
who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.Copy !req
1033. Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.Copy !req
1034. Give us this day our daily bread...Copy !req
1035. and forgive us our trespasses...Copy !req
1036. as we forgive those who trespass against us.Copy !req
1037. And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us—Copy !req
1038. Mary Elizabeth, I've been
listening to the Billie Holiday CD every night.Copy !req
1039. It's too late, Charlie.Copy !req
1040. I know.
I just feel really bad about what I did.Copy !req
1041. I just get so messed up inside.Copy !req
1042. Like I'm not there or something.Copy !req
1043. Tell it to someone who cares.
- Look, I know. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1044. Just we've all become such good friends.Copy !req
1045. Good friends?Copy !req
1046. Do you mean the people
that I've known since kindergarten…Copy !req
1047. and you've known for six months?Copy !req
1048. Those good friends?Copy !req
1049. Yeah, I mean, I just don't wanna do anything
to ruin our relationship.Copy !req
1050. It's ruined. Okay?Copy !req
1051. So stop calling everyone.
Stop embarrassing yourselfCopy !req
1052. Okay, I will. Good—Copy !req
1053. - Something's wrong with me.
- Don't worry about it.Copy !req
1054. Hey, have you heard from Patrick?Copy !req
1055. No, he told me to stay away.Copy !req
1056. Oh. You don't know.Copy !req
1057. Why? Why? What happened?Copy !req
1058. Brad's father caught them together.Copy !req
1059. Some kids jumped him outside the O.Copy !req
1060. No, it was some kids from North Hills.Copy !req
1061. Did you see his face?Copy !req
1062. That's not what I heard.Copy !req
1063. Are you okay?Copy !req
1064. Not now, Charlie. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1065. Hey, Nothing.Copy !req
1066. Oops. Sorry, Nothing.Copy !req
1067. You gonna do anything?Copy !req
1068. What are you talking about?Copy !req
1069. I'm talking about
your pet ape just tripped me.Copy !req
1070. Gonna say something?Copy !req
1071. - Why would I?
- You know why.Copy !req
1072. This is pathetic, man. Your fixation on me.Copy !req
1073. Do you want your friends
to know how you got those bruises? Really?Copy !req
1074. I got jumped in a parking lot.Copy !req
1075. Where? Schenley Park?Copy !req
1076. Do you guys know about Schenley Park?Copy !req
1077. - Do your friends know—
- I don't know what kinda sick shit...Copy !req
1078. you're trying to pull,
but you better walk away right now.Copy !req
1079. Nothing.Copy !req
1080. Fine.Copy !req
1081. Say hi to your dad for me.Copy !req
1082. Whatever, faggot.Copy !req
1083. - What did you just call me?
- Just called you a faggot.Copy !req
1084. Say that shit again! Say that shit again!Copy !req
1085. It's Patrick!Copy !req
1086. Leave him alone!Copy !req
1087. Sam!Copy !req
1088. Stop! Leave him! Stop!Copy !req
1089. Stop!Copy !req
1090. Touch my friends again and I'll blind you.Copy !req
1091. Charlie?Copy !req
1092. Yeah?Copy !req
1093. Thanks for stopping 'em.Copy !req
1094. Sure, Brad.Copy !req
1095. How you doing, Charlie?Copy !req
1096. I don't know.Copy !req
1097. I keep trying, but I can't
really remember what I did.Copy !req
1098. Do you want me to tell you?Copy !req
1099. Yeah.Copy !req
1100. You saved my brother.Copy !req
1101. That's what you did.Copy !req
1102. So you're not scared of me?Copy !req
1103. No.Copy !req
1104. Can we be friends again?Copy !req
1105. Of course.Copy !req
1106. Come on.Copy !req
1107. Let's go be psychos together.Copy !req
1108. I'm dating Peter now.Copy !req
1109. He's in college with Craig.Copy !req
1110. He's opinionated. We have intellectual debates.Copy !req
1111. You were very sweet
but our relationship was too one-sided.Copy !req
1112. I know this is hard for you.Copy !req
1113. I'm just glad that you're happy.Copy !req
1114. Okay.Copy !req
1115. Hey, Craig, Sam will be down. Soon.Copy !req
1116. Oy vey. We're gonna miss the movie.Copy !req
1117. Yeah, I'll go put some pep in her step.
Don't worry.Copy !req
1118. Hello?Copy !req
1119. Hey. Do you wanna get out of here?Copy !req
1120. Sure, Patrick.Copy !req
1121. I'll tell you something, Charlie...Copy !req
1122. I feel good. You know what I mean?Copy !req
1123. Maybe tomorrow I'll take you
to this karaoke place downtown.Copy !req
1124. And this club off the Strip. They don't card.Copy !req
1125. And the Schenley Park scene.Copy !req
1126. You have to see the Fruit Loop
at least one time.Copy !req
1127. Oh, my God.
My life is officially an after-school special.Copy !req
1128. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
1129. It really is.Copy !req
1130. It so is.Copy !req
1131. So, you ever hear the one about Lily Miller?Copy !req
1132. I don't know.Copy !req
1133. Really?Copy !req
1134. I thought your brother would have told you.
It's a classic.Copy !req
1135. Maybe.Copy !req
1136. Okay, Lily comes here
one night with this guy Parker.Copy !req
1137. And this was to be the night
that they were gonna lose their virginity.Copy !req
1138. So she did it really proper.
She packed a picnic.Copy !req
1139. Stole a bottle of wine.Copy !req
1140. Everything was perfect
and they're just about to "do it."Copy !req
1141. When they realize they forgot the condoms.Copy !req
1142. - So what do you think happened?
- I don't know.Copy !req
1143. They did it with one of the sandwich bags.Copy !req
1144. Ew!Copy !req
1145. Oh, that's disgusting!Copy !req
1146. Yes, it is.Copy !req
1147. Come on! Let's keep the train rolling.Copy !req
1148. Suburban legend, Charlie.Copy !req
1149. Well—Copy !req
1150. There's this girl named Second Base Stace.Copy !req
1151. And, well, she had boobs in 4th grade.Copy !req
1152. Mosquito bites. Promising. Go.Copy !req
1153. And she let some of the guys feel them.Copy !req
1154. - That's your suburban legend?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1155. - Did you at least cop a feel?
- No.Copy !req
1156. No. Of course not. You went home...Copy !req
1157. listened to "Asleep," wrote a poem—Copy !req
1158. Fine. Okay. Your turn.Copy !req
1159. Hmm.Copy !req
1160. Yeah. I've got one.Copy !req
1161. Well...Copy !req
1162. there's this one guy.Copy !req
1163. Queer as a 3-dollar bill.Copy !req
1164. The guy's father doesn't know about his son.Copy !req
1165. So he comes into the basement
one night when he's supposed to be out of town.Copy !req
1166. Catches his son with another boy.Copy !req
1167. So he starts beating him.Copy !req
1168. But not like the slap kind. Like, the real kind.Copy !req
1169. And the boyfriend says,
"Stop. You're killing him."Copy !req
1170. But the son just yells, "Get out."Copy !req
1171. And eventually...Copy !req
1172. the boyfriend just did.Copy !req
1173. Why can't you save anybody?Copy !req
1174. I don't know.Copy !req
1175. Forget it.Copy !req
1176. I'm free now, right?Copy !req
1177. I could meet
the love of my life any second.Copy !req
1178. Things will be different now and that's good.Copy !req
1179. I just need to meet a good guy.Copy !req
1180. Yeah.Copy !req
1181. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1182. It's all right.Copy !req
1183. I've been spending a lot of time with Patrick.Copy !req
1184. He begins every night really excited.Copy !req
1185. He always says he feels free
and tonight is his destiny.Copy !req
1186. But after a while he runs out of things
to keep himself numb.Copy !req
1187. And Sam got her letter from Penn State.Copy !req
1188. "We will require you to take
our summer session...Copy !req
1189. at the main campus immediately following
your high school graduation."Copy !req
1190. She got in, Charlie.Copy !req
1191. After that, all Patrick could talk about was
college and all their futures.Copy !req
1192. Alice did get into NYU film school.Copy !req
1193. Patrick is going to the
University of Washington…Copy !req
1194. because he wants to be
near the music in Seattle.Copy !req
1195. But he wasn't going to leave
Without organizing the best senior prank ever.Copy !req
1196. Sam is going a way right after graduation.Copy !req
1197. It all feels very exciting.Copy !req
1198. I just wish it were happening to me.Copy !req
1199. Especially because,
ever since I blacked out in the cafeteria…Copy !req
1200. it's been getting worse.Copy !req
1201. And I can't turn it off this time.Copy !req
1202. All right, guys, you wanna pass
your copies of Gatsby up to the front, please.Copy !req
1203. And I know it's the last day...Copy !req
1204. but if we could keep it to a dull roar,
I'd appreciate it.Copy !req
1205. Thank you.Copy !req
1206. Guy. Guys. Thank you for such a great year.Copy !req
1207. I had a blast. I hope you did, too.Copy !req
1208. And I hope you have
a great time this summer on your vacations.Copy !req
1209. Now who here is gonna read
for pleasure this summer?Copy !req
1210. Charlie.Copy !req
1211. Very good.Copy !req
1212. Have a good summer.Copy !req
1213. Last day.Copy !req
1214. Yeah.Copy !req
1215. So I know it's none of my business,
but have you decided?Copy !req
1216. Are you going to New York?Copy !req
1217. Well—Copy !req
1218. My wife and I like it here.Copy !req
1219. And I think I might be better
at teaching than writing.Copy !req
1220. You know, Charlie, I was thinking that, uh...Copy !req
1221. maybe I could still give you books next year.Copy !req
1222. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
1223. I think you could write one of them one day.Copy !req
1224. - Really?
- I do.Copy !req
1225. You're the best teacher I've ever had.Copy !req
1226. Thank you.Copy !req
1227. 10, nine, eight...Copy !req
1228. seven, six, five…Copy !req
1229. four, three, two, one.Copy !req
1230. Dear friend…Copy !req
1231. I wanted to tell you about us running.Copy !req
1232. There was this beautiful sunset.Copy !req
1233. And just a few hours before, everyone I love…Copy !req
1234. had their last day of high school ever.Copy !req
1235. I was happy because they were happy…Copy !req
1236. even though I counted and I have…Copy !req
1237. 1,095 days to go.Copy !req
1238. I kept imagining
what school would be like without them…Copy !req
1239. as they were all getting ready
for their prom.Copy !req
1240. M y sister finally decided
to break up with Derek…Copy !req
1241. and go stag with her girlfriends instead.Copy !req
1242. And then there was Sam.Copy !req
1243. I've looked at her picture since that night.Copy !req
1244. I like to see how happy she was
before she knew.Copy !req
1245. They were in a hotel suite after prom
and the truth came out.Copy !req
1246. Basically Craig
has been cheating on Sam the whole time.Copy !req
1247. When I heard that…Copy !req
1248. I kept thinking about the happy girl
in these pictures.Copy !req
1249. 'Cause she doesn't have 1,095 days to go.Copy !req
1250. She made it.Copy !req
1251. This is her time.Copy !req
1252. And no one should be able to take that away.Copy !req
1253. Congratulations.Copy !req
1254. Oh, Charlie. Charlie's here. Guys, group photo.Copy !req
1255. We should all take a group photo.Copy !req
1256. Ooh! Get against the railing
and try to look suave.Copy !req
1257. Yep, this is the one.
That's gonna be a great angle.Copy !req
1258. At her going away party…Copy !req
1259. I wanted her to know about that night
we went through the tunnel.Copy !req
1260. And how for the first time…Copy !req
1261. I felt like I belonged somewhere.Copy !req
1262. And tomorrow, she's leaving.Copy !req
1263. So I wanted to give her a part of me.Copy !req
1264. Are these all your books, Charlie?Copy !req
1265. Thanks for staying up with me.Copy !req
1266. Sure.Copy !req
1267. My brother said Penn State has
this restaurant called Ye Olde College Diner.Copy !req
1268. You have to get a grilled
sticky on your first night.Copy !req
1269. It's a tradition.Copy !req
1270. That sounds like fun.Copy !req
1271. Yeah.Copy !req
1272. Pretty soon, you'll have
a whole new group of friends, you know.Copy !req
1273. You won't even think about this place anymore.Copy !req
1274. Yes, I will.Copy !req
1275. Had lunch with Craig today.Copy !req
1276. Yeah?Copy !req
1277. He said he was sorry and that I was right
to break up with him.Copy !req
1278. I'm driving away
and was feeling so small.Copy !req
1279. Just asking myself,
"Why do I and everyone I love...Copy !req
1280. pick people who treat us like we're nothing?"Copy !req
1281. We accept the love we think we deserve.Copy !req
1282. Then why didn't you ever ask me out?Copy !req
1283. I, um—Copy !req
1284. I just didn't think that you wanted that.Copy !req
1285. Well, what did you want?Copy !req
1286. I just want you to be happy.Copy !req
1287. Don't you get it, Charlie?Copy !req
1288. I can't feel that.Copy !req
1289. It's really sweet and everything, but—Copy !req
1290. You can't just sit there
and put everybody's lives ahead of yours...Copy !req
1291. and think that counts as love.Copy !req
1292. I don't want to be somebody's crush.Copy !req
1293. I want people to like the real me.Copy !req
1294. I know who you are, Sam.Copy !req
1295. I know I'm quiet.Copy !req
1296. And I know I should speak more.Copy !req
1297. But if you knew the things
that were in my head most of the time...Copy !req
1298. you'd know what it really meant.Copy !req
1299. How much we're alike...Copy !req
1300. and how we've been through the same things.Copy !req
1301. And you're not small.Copy !req
1302. You're beautiful.Copy !req
1303. What's wrong, Charlie?Copy !req
1304. Nothing.Copy !req
1305. You know I'm gonna call you all the time.Copy !req
1306. - We're gonna see each other in New York.
- All the time.Copy !req
1307. Come on, Sam.Copy !req
1308. What's wrong, Charlie?Copy !req
1309. Put your seat belt on.Copy !req
1310. We'll meet you there.Copy !req
1311. Don't wake your sister.Copy !req
1312. It'll be our little secret, okay?Copy !req
1313. Look, Charlie, she's fast asleep.Copy !req
1314. Don't wake your sister.Copy !req
1315. My fault.Copy !req
1316. My fault.Copy !req
1317. My fault.Copy !req
1318. It's all my fault.Copy !req
1319. It'll be our little secret. Okay?Copy !req
1320. Stop it.Copy !req
1321. Stop.Copy !req
1322. Stop crying.Copy !req
1323. Stop crying.Copy !req
1324. This'll be our little secret.Copy !req
1325. Candace. Your brother's on the phone.Copy !req
1326. Hello?Copy !req
1327. - Hey, Candace.
- Charlie?Copy !req
1328. Sam and Patrick left,
and I can't stop thinking about something.Copy !req
1329. Shh. What?Copy !req
1330. Candace…Copy !req
1331. I killed Aunt Helen, didn't l?Copy !req
1332. She died getting my birthday present…Copy !req
1333. so I guess killed her, right?Copy !req
1334. I've tried to stop thinking that,
but I can't.Copy !req
1335. She keeps driving away and dying.Copy !req
1336. Call the police and send them to my house.Copy !req
1337. I can't stop her. I'm crazy again.Copy !req
1338. No. Charlie, listen to me.Copy !req
1339. Mom and Dad are gonna be home
with Chris any second.Copy !req
1340. I'm just thinking…Copy !req
1341. what if I wanted her to die, Candace?Copy !req
1342. - What? Charlie?Copy !req
1343. Charlie!Copy !req
1344. Charlie?Copy !req
1345. I'm Dr. Burton.Copy !req
1346. Where am I?Copy !req
1347. Mayview Hospital.Copy !req
1348. You, uh—
You have to let me go. My dad can't afford it.Copy !req
1349. Oh, don't worry about that.Copy !req
1350. No. I saw them when I was little...Copy !req
1351. and I don't want to be a Mayview kid.Copy !req
1352. Just tell me how to stop it.Copy !req
1353. Stop what?Copy !req
1354. Seeing it.Copy !req
1355. All their lives all the time.Copy !req
1356. How do you stop seeing it?Copy !req
1357. Seeing what, Charlie?Copy !req
1358. There is so much pain.Copy !req
1359. And I don't know how to not notice it.Copy !req
1360. What's hurting you?Copy !req
1361. No, not me.Copy !req
1362. It's them. It's everyone. It never stops.Copy !req
1363. Do you understand?Copy !req
1364. What about your Aunt Helen?Copy !req
1365. What about her?Copy !req
1366. Do you see her?Copy !req
1367. Yes.Copy !req
1368. She had a terrible life.Copy !req
1369. God, what am I supposed to—Copy !req
1370. You said some things about her in your sleep.Copy !req
1371. I don't care.Copy !req
1372. If you want to get better...Copy !req
1373. you have to.Copy !req
1374. She—Copy !req
1375. She was insane.Copy !req
1376. I'm just sayin'.Copy !req
1377. She—Copy !req
1378. Charlie?Copy !req
1379. You gonna let me help you here?Copy !req
1380. Okay.Copy !req
1381. Do you remember anything
before you blacked out?Copy !req
1382. I remember leaving Sam's house.Copy !req
1383. I was walking home. And—Copy !req
1384. I was in the hospital for a while.Copy !req
1385. I won't go into detail about all of it.Copy !req
1386. But I will say there were some very bad days.Copy !req
1387. And some unexpected beautiful days.Copy !req
1388. The worst day was the time my doctor
told my mom and dad…Copy !req
1389. what Aunt Helen did to me.Copy !req
1390. Honey?Copy !req
1391. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
1392. The best days were those
when I could have visitors.Copy !req
1393. My brother and sister always came for those…Copy !req
1394. until Chris had to go to training camp.Copy !req
1395. He's going to be first string this year.Copy !req
1396. My sister told me she met a nice guy
at her summer job.Copy !req
1397. Here he is.Copy !req
1398. So I'll see you Thursday at 6:00, right?Copy !req
1399. - Okay.
- You gonna hang in there?Copy !req
1400. My doctor said we can't choose
where we come from…Copy !req
1401. but we can choose where we go from there.Copy !req
1402. I know it's not all the answers…Copy !req
1403. but it was enough to start putting
these pieces together.Copy !req
1404. God bless this food we are about to receive.Copy !req
1405. We thank you for this bounty...Copy !req
1406. in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.Copy !req
1407. - Amen.
- Amen.Copy !req
1408. How do you think the Penguins
are gonna do this year, Dad?Copy !req
1409. Goddamn Penguins.Copy !req
1410. Think they're allergic to goddamn defense.Copy !req
1411. What do the players call a puck again?Copy !req
1412. A biscuit.Copy !req
1413. Are you sure it's not a "goddamn biscuit"?Copy !req
1414. You're cruisin' for a bruisin'.Copy !req
1415. Honey, I think we're gonna have to do...Copy !req
1416. a little shopping for you
before you take off, huh?Copy !req
1417. - Yeah, I need some books.
- Clothes, too.Copy !req
1418. Yeah.Copy !req
1419. Can Charlie come out and play?Copy !req
1420. The first night, we had grilled stickies.Copy !req
1421. So good.Copy !req
1422. You have to visit in the fall.
We'll have some, okay?Copy !req
1423. Definitely.Copy !req
1424. Oh, sorry...Copy !req
1425. Charlie has a breakdown scheduled for October.Copy !req
1426. Well, can I tell you something?Copy !req
1427. I've been away for two months.Copy !req
1428. It's another world.Copy !req
1429. And it gets better.Copy !req
1430. And my roommate Katie
has the best taste in music.Copy !req
1431. I found the tunnel song.Copy !req
1432. Let's drive.Copy !req
1433. I don't know if I will have the time
to write any more letters…Copy !req
1434. because I might be too busy
trying to participate.Copy !req
1435. So, if this does end up being the last letter…Copy !req
1436. I want you to know that I was in a bad place
before I started high school.Copy !req
1437. And you helped me.Copy !req
1438. Even if you didn't know
what I was talking about…Copy !req
1439. or know someone who's gone through it.Copy !req
1440. You made me not feel alone.Copy !req
1441. Because I know there are people
who say all these things don't happen.Copy !req
1442. There are people who forget what it's like
to be 16 when they turn 17.Copy !req
1443. I know these will all be stories someday.Copy !req
1444. And our pictures will become old photographs.Copy !req
1445. And we'll become somebody's mom or dad.Copy !req
1446. But right now these moments
are not stories.Copy !req
1447. This is happening.Copy !req
1448. I am here.Copy !req
1449. And I am looking at her.Copy !req
1450. And she is so beautiful.Copy !req
1451. I can see it.Copy !req
1452. This one moment when you know
you're not a sad story.Copy !req
1453. You are alive.Copy !req
1454. You stand up and see the lights
on the buildings…Copy !req
1455. and everything that makes you wonder.Copy !req
1456. And you're listening
to that song on that drive…Copy !req
1457. with the people you love most in this world.Copy !req
1458. And in this moment, I swear…Copy !req
1459. we are infinite.Copy !req