1. The 1970s.Copy !req
2. Jump back, baby.Copy !req
3. Fritz, did you go downCopy !req
4. and see the welfare people today?Copy !req
5. Uh, yeah,Copy !req
6. they told me to report some place tomorrow.Copy !req
7. I got it written down on a piece of paper, I think.Copy !req
8. Well, listen, are you gonna go?Copy !req
9. I don't know.Copy !req
10. Let's fuck.Copy !req
11. Then are you gonna go outCopy !req
12. and look for a job like you said?Copy !req
13. - What?Copy !req
14. Did I say that?Copy !req
15. Man, oh, man, am I stoned!Copy !req
16. - How is it a grown man can spend so much timeCopy !req
17. just dreamin' about what he's gonna doCopy !req
18. for his wife and family?Copy !req
19. For Christ's sakes!Copy !req
20. Will you come down to Earth?Copy !req
21. What we need is the basic stuff of life!Copy !req
22. Like grub!Copy !req
23. I never saw anybody walkin' around more stoned than you.Copy !req
24. Always stoned!Copy !req
25. Where do you get the money to buy that grass?Copy !req
26. Will you tell me?Copy !req
27. You and your Acapulco Gold.Copy !req
28. You know what that is?Copy !req
29. That's shit!Copy !req
30. Which is what you are!Copy !req
31. You are shit, Fritz!Copy !req
32. Here's somethin' you don't know,Copy !req
33. Harvey and I made it.Copy !req
34. What do you think of that?Copy !req
35. We made it, and he's better in bed than you are.Copy !req
36. You know why?Copy !req
37. He's hung like a horse, that's why.Copy !req
38. What about you?Copy !req
39. You're nothin'.Copy !req
40. You're nothin' in the living room,Copy !req
41. you're nothin' in the bathroom,Copy !req
42. you're nothin' in bed.Copy !req
43. You don't even change the goddamn rollerCopy !req
44. on the toilet paper.Copy !req
45. I'm the one that uses that mostly.Copy !req
46. And what about puttin' the seat down?Copy !req
47. Why don't you ever do that?Copy !req
48. Hey, why don't you take that chicken-shit grinCopy !req
49. off your face?Copy !req
50. Fritz!Copy !req
51. You're a no-good!Copy !req
52. How much can a person take?Copy !req
53. And why don't you ever put the goddamn seat downCopy !req
54. when you're through peeing?Copy !req
55. You rotten putz, you!Copy !req
56. That's all you do is sit around.Copy !req
57. I never saw anything like it in my entire life!Copy !req
58. You know what I would like to do to you?Copy !req
59. I would like to take you and shake youCopy !req
60. until all your teethCopy !req
61. fall right out of your mouth onto the floor,Copy !req
62. and then you know what I'd do?Copy !req
63. I'd stamp on them, all the teeth.Copy !req
64. And I'd make them right into powder.Copy !req
65. And then I'd sprinkle the powder right over your head.Copy !req
66. And then I would knock you right in the goddamn face!Copy !req
67. I'd like to pulverize you!Copy !req
68. I'd take your nose,Copy !req
69. and I'd put it across the room on the wall.Copy !req
70. I'd like to knock you into next week sometimes!Copy !req
71. This is it, Fritz.Copy !req
72. I mean, I'm really sore.Copy !req
73. Now, I'm really sore.Copy !req
74. I am sick to death!Copy !req
75. I'm gonna tell you one time and one time only,Copy !req
76. so you better listen to me,Copy !req
77. because if you don't listen to me now,Copy !req
78. I ain't gonna say it again.Copy !req
79. I'm gonna go out and get myself a two by four,Copy !req
80. and I'm gonna beat your fuckin' head in!Copy !req
81. You are gonna pick up after yourself.Copy !req
82. From now on, I'm through picking up after you.Copy !req
83. And you are gonna put the seat downCopy !req
84. on that goddamn toilet!Copy !req
85. I'm telling you one time and one time only.Copy !req
86. I know you're a no-good bum,Copy !req
87. and I've had it with you, Fritz!Copy !req
88. I have had it with you!Copy !req
89. Oh!Copy !req
90. Oh!Copy !req
91. And let me tell you something else.Copy !req
92. I know you play around.Copy !req
93. Don't try to lie to me.Copy !req
94. You don't even have a guilty look on your face.Copy !req
95. You really don't give a goddamn.Copy !req
96. I know that you're playing around.Copy !req
97. Don't think I haven't seen you.Copy !req
98. I get telephone calls from girls.Copy !req
99. They call me up.Copy !req
100. God knows why they want you.Copy !req
101. Don't they know how shitty you are in bed?Copy !req
102. - Hey, man, don't do that.Copy !req
103. - What, do what?Copy !req
104. - You know what I'm talking about?Copy !req
105. No, what?Copy !req
106. What the hell are you laying on me, man?Copy !req
107. - Hey, I ain't layin' nothin' on you, man.Copy !req
108. It's what you laid on me.Copy !req
109. There's no need to be crude, huh?Copy !req
110. - God damn it, you freaking out or something?Copy !req
111. Hey, look, Juan, if we can just cash this welfare check,Copy !req
112. we can get us some rip bull or maybe even some muscatel.Copy !req
113. What do you say?Copy !req
114. - Oh, kiss off, dude!Copy !req
115. That's your problem.Copy !req
116. You ain't got the guts to admitCopy !req
117. when you're in the wrong, you know that?Copy !req
118. You just passed gas at me, man, and that's uncool.Copy !req
119. - Oh, wow.Copy !req
120. - Ah, you don't have the guts to confessCopy !req
121. you're a goddamn coward.Copy !req
122. You know that?Copy !req
123. You're just like my sister.Copy !req
124. - Ah, ha ha, well,Copy !req
125. you PRS are hypersensitive, you know?Copy !req
126. I thought you and me were friends.Copy !req
127. - Yeah, a little wig out, I'm a religion now, huh?Copy !req
128. A PR, huh?Copy !req
129. Nice.Copy !req
130. - Hey, hey, hey, about your sister, Juan,Copy !req
131. uh, does she have big tits?Copy !req
132. I wish you people would learn to speak English.Copy !req
133. Christ knows we were here first.Copy !req
134. - It's the only way I'm gonna talkCopy !req
135. to a man who has habits like a pig.Copy !req
136. - Hey, man, don't be that way.Copy !req
137. Look, let's get us some wineCopy !req
138. and go see your sister,Copy !req
139. and maybe we can get it on, huh?Copy !req
140. It sure beats the hell out of standing hereCopy !req
141. freezing our balls off, right?Copy !req
142. - Uh, no deal, man, no deal.Copy !req
143. I can't trust you no more.Copy !req
144. I can't let you fuck my sister, you know?Copy !req
145. You got no class, man.Copy !req
146. You wouldn't let me fuck your sister.Copy !req
147. Why should I let you fuck mine?Copy !req
148. - Hey, listen, your sister is some piece of ass.Copy !req
149. I know, man.Copy !req
150. Uh-huh.Copy !req
151. Yeah.Copy !req
152. - My sister?Copy !req
153. Oh, wow, man, I can't believe that.Copy !req
154. - Yeah, yeah, man, you better believe it.Copy !req
155. She was a female creature of tender passion,Copy !req
156. of simple earthen charm, you know?Copy !req
157. - Oh, wow, dude, that's good.Copy !req
158. - Mmm, yeah, you could say that.Copy !req
159. Hey, uh, Juan,Copy !req
160. you better get back in the phone booth again.Copy !req
161. I feel a fart comin' on.Copy !req
162. - Check it out.Copy !req
163. We done came all the way across town,Copy !req
164. done caught buses and cars and hitchhiked to get here,Copy !req
165. then put on our best clothesCopy !req
166. so we can walk in this neighborhood,Copy !req
167. so we can get in one of these white housesCopy !req
168. to rip off one of them $400 televisions,Copy !req
169. one of them $300 watches,Copy !req
170. one of them Panasonic, rena-sonic,Copy !req
171. exto-sonic, plesto-plastic stereos,Copy !req
172. Zippo stereos.Copy !req
173. With the quadro-flex, modu-lextic,Copy !req
174. medu-modula needles and shit-Copy !req
175. - Hey! - Big-time shit, man.Copy !req
176. I ain't never heard of nothin' like that.Copy !req
177. That's, you ain't in this community, blood!Copy !req
178. That's why we came here, you know what I'm saying?Copy !req
179. You don't know what you doin', man.Copy !req
180. I also be doin' this big-time organizing and shit.Copy !req
181. You, rippin' off washing machinesCopy !req
182. and toilet paper. - Toilet paper.Copy !req
183. Unusual odd shit.Copy !req
184. Now you know why we here.Copy !req
185. Okay, now, now, now, now,Copy !req
186. we gonna crawl in this here window, all right?Copy !req
187. You take the downstairs, and I'll take the upstairs.Copy !req
188. Why is it that I always got to take the downstairs?Copy !req
189. 'Cause you don't like jumping out of windows, man.Copy !req
190. - Shit!Copy !req
191. Now, will you cut that out, Fritz?Copy !req
192. Give me some skin!Copy !req
193. - Hey!Copy !req
194. Hey!Copy !req
195. - Hah, the beauty of cannabis.Copy !req
196. And then once we get inside, get everything,Copy !req
197. don't get no washing machines, then leave.Copy !req
198. Somebody's home!Copy !req
199. - Doesn't it fill you with joy?Copy !req
200. Is that cat smokin'?Copy !req
201. - The unfettered exuberance, the lust for life?Copy !req
202. It makes you-Copy !req
203. - Best dope in town, man.Copy !req
204. Look how he's smokin' weed.Copy !req
205. - Wanna drop your phony inhibitionsCopy !req
206. and love your fellow man?Copy !req
207. Look at that chick with them titties!Copy !req
208. - Or brother, maybe.Copy !req
209. Doesn't it?Copy !req
210. Huh?Copy !req
211. - Hee hee.Copy !req
212. Hee hee hee.Copy !req
213. That is Juan's sister.Copy !req
214. - Don't you kind of see things more clearly, huh?Copy !req
215. - Ha, ooh.Copy !req
216. That's right.Copy !req
217. Take a good, long drag, sis.Copy !req
218. That's his sister!Copy !req
219. - Now breathe in the smoke.Copy !req
220. Deep.Copy !req
221. It'll help clear your sinuses.Copy !req
222. Hmm?Copy !req
223. - Hey, I feel light-headed.Copy !req
224. Hee hee hee.Copy !req
225. That is Juan's sister, man!Copy !req
226. He's goin' to the store!Copy !req
227. Ha ha ha!Copy !req
228. Looks like a feature film, you know what I mean?Copy !req
229. Right on.Copy !req
230. - Will it really expand my,Copy !req
231. Awareness?Copy !req
232. - Well, you know what they say,Copy !req
233. "Take tea and see."Copy !req
234. - Doesn't clear my sinuses at all.Copy !req
235. Hey!Copy !req
236. Daddy says you're only good for getting the papers.Copy !req
237. Hey!Copy !req
238. Is that all you're good for, Fritz?Copy !req
239. - Ah, that's some kick, huh?Copy !req
240. Hey, you know the most interesting thingCopy !req
241. about smoking?Copy !req
242. It causes excessive perspiration,Copy !req
243. and a person has to take off all his clothes.Copy !req
244. Otherwise, he can drown to death in his own juices.Copy !req
245. - Do what you can. - That's the nut.Copy !req
246. If I get in there, it'll be a nut in that butt.Copy !req
247. Ha ha!Copy !req
248. Shh!Copy !req
249. - Now, this activity is like artificial respiration.Copy !req
250. - Smoke some more of this shit, man.Copy !req
251. - Fuck them.Copy !req
252. If I get up in this pad, man,Copy !req
253. I got the downstairs-Copy !req
254. - Hold it in.Copy !req
255. - I'll knock it out.Copy !req
256. - You'd knock it out, you'd what?Copy !req
257. - I love my brother's friends.Copy !req
258. - Man, he ought to put a bag over that ugly bitch's head.Copy !req
259. - Stick her head in the couch, man.Copy !req
260. - Before I stick my thing in her.Copy !req
261. Man, hold up.Copy !req
262. - Fritz.Copy !req
263. Makes me kind of horny, man.Copy !req
264. - Yeah. - Let's Rob.Copy !req
265. Duck, man.Copy !req
266. There's a car comin' up the driveway.Copy !req
267. Shh.Copy !req
268. I bet it's her old man.Copy !req
269. - Fritz.Copy !req
270. Is this good for the liver?Copy !req
271. Let's watch this shit go down.Copy !req
272. Oh, Fritz.Copy !req
273. - Chita!Copy !req
274. That's the ugliest motherfucker.Copy !req
275. - Daddy!Copy !req
276. Look at that snaggle-toothed,Copy !req
277. big, greasy, fuckin' nasty pig.Copy !req
278. - Gee, pops, maybe I should go get the papers, huh?Copy !req
279. - Papers?Copy !req
280. Why, you, you!Copy !req
281. Little son of a bitch.Copy !req
282. - What do you want, pops, uh, news or the Times?Copy !req
283. Pink commie bastard!Copy !req
284. - I guess you killed him, right in the ass.Copy !req
285. I guess we can't Rob this pad today, huh?Copy !req
286. We'll come back tomorrow.Copy !req
287. - My sister was once in psychoanalysis.Copy !req
288. She says you're a boy who would fuck his mother.Copy !req
289. And what have you done for Ralphie?Copy !req
290. Other than to teach him how to masturbate?Copy !req
291. And left-handed, no less.Copy !req
292. - You must be new around here.Copy !req
293. Uh, I haven't seen your face before.Copy !req
294. - Oh, uh, yeah.Copy !req
295. Ha.Copy !req
296. My old lady kicked me out of the house.Copy !req
297. See, I've had this streak of bad luck lately,Copy !req
298. and on top of it,Copy !req
299. she's been making noise I should go find work.Copy !req
300. - What'd you say, somethin' about work?Copy !req
301. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
302. - Everybody knows, that's what kills a man.Copy !req
303. Yeah.Copy !req
304. - Starts out with an eight-hour a day,Copy !req
305. 40 hours a week,Copy !req
306. and, hell, boy, before you know it, ha,Copy !req
307. you're married to some fine-ass womanCopy !req
308. and buyin' a house.Copy !req
309. - I'll help you.Copy !req
310. - Yeah, that's, that's terrible.Copy !req
311. - Yeah. - Work is terrible.Copy !req
312. Yeah.Copy !req
313. What the hell do you get for it, anyway?Copy !req
314. - Jeez, I don't know.Copy !req
315. Aw, it's just money is all.Copy !req
316. It's evil.Copy !req
317. I tell you, it's evil.Copy !req
318. It all starts from having to work.Copy !req
319. Now, if you don't have to work,Copy !req
320. why, you don't get any money.Copy !req
321. You know what I mean?Copy !req
322. It's that simple.Copy !req
323. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
324. That's what I try to tell my old lady.Copy !req
325. You see, she sent my assCopy !req
326. down to the welfare office again,Copy !req
327. and those creeps started to hit on meCopy !req
328. about my receiving public assistanceCopy !req
329. for over a year, see, and here was my last,Copy !req
330. Are you okay?Copy !req
331. - Yeah.Copy !req
332. - It's my last check and all,Copy !req
333. and I had failed to find employment again.Copy !req
334. It's just too much bullshit to go through,Copy !req
335. so I split.Copy !req
336. It doesn't pay to hit the big time.Copy !req
337. - No.Copy !req
338. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
339. - Oh, wow.Copy !req
340. - Well, uh, you got any plans, son?Copy !req
341. - Oh, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
342. I figured I'd sort of settle down here.Copy !req
343. You know, get away from all the zipper-heads uptown.Copy !req
344. Not get involved with all the extemporaneous bullshit,Copy !req
345. you know.Copy !req
346. - Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
347. - And, hey, by the way, what's your name?Copy !req
348. - Oh, uh, I'm God.Copy !req
349. - Wow, man, that is heavy.Copy !req
350. You're really God, huh?Copy !req
351. No shit?Copy !req
352. - You okay? - Yeah, I, uh,Copy !req
353. I've been God for about three and a half years now.Copy !req
354. A lot of responsibility, you know.Copy !req
355. - I'll bet.Copy !req
356. - Also, I'm, uh, black belt karate.Copy !req
357. - No shit?Copy !req
358. Wow, this really blows my mind.Copy !req
359. I mean, me, I'm standing here rapping with God.Copy !req
360. Far out!Copy !req
361. - Yeah.Copy !req
362. You want to be my assistant?Copy !req
363. - Well— I might be forcedCopy !req
364. to give up my job, you know.Copy !req
365. I can't keep busting my assCopy !req
366. this here way, you know.Copy !req
367. - Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
368. Well, anyway, I've been into some heavy gearCopy !req
369. in one of my lives.Copy !req
370. I got nine of 'em, you know, pal.Copy !req
371. I got hung up with the weirdest dude one time,Copy !req
372. you could ever imagine.Copy !req
373. - Ah, yeah?Copy !req
374. - Yeah.Copy !req
375. - Mmm.Copy !req
376. - This guy, I'm thinking of was really psycho,Copy !req
377. you wouldn't believe it.Copy !req
378. - Uh-huh.Copy !req
379. - Wow, God, you really do some weird shit, you know?Copy !req
380. Make the fuckin' world in seven days,Copy !req
381. try it sometime.Copy !req
382. - Oh, the yanks are coming!Copy !req
383. - And remember,Copy !req
384. your fathers and mothers,Copy !req
385. and all of your fatherland will be watching you.Copy !req
386. Envying in the great gloryCopy !req
387. for which you have been selected,Copy !req
388. you all have promised to die for the fuhrer.Copy !req
389. Who wants to be next?Copy !req
390. Mein fuhrer, the bombs have just killed your orderly!Copy !req
391. - Ah, another orderly gone.Copy !req
392. Get me another one!Copy !req
393. Order another orderly quickly!Copy !req
394. - Another orderly quickly!Copy !req
395. - Another orderly!Copy !req
396. - Another orderly for the fuhrer!Copy !req
397. - Put up an "out of orderly" sign!Copy !req
398. Harder! - I get excited!Copy !req
399. Ooh, good!Copy !req
400. - My lenore!Copy !req
401. My liebchen!Copy !req
402. - Oh!Copy !req
403. Hans!Copy !req
404. I mean, he was, oh!Copy !req
405. Hans, I'm, I'm sorry.Copy !req
406. - Stand aside! - Oh, he was so wonderful!Copy !req
407. I, oh, Hans!Copy !req
408. Hans!Copy !req
409. - My achin' swastika!Copy !req
410. I thought bein' a Nazi as all sieg, siegCopy !req
411. and sieg heil!Copy !req
412. This is for shit!Copy !req
413. I better get my ass the fuck out of here.Copy !req
414. War is hell!Copy !req
415. - Mein fuhrer,Copy !req
416. here are the candidates for your orderly.Copy !req
417. Heil Hitler!Copy !req
418. Sieg heil!Copy !req
419. That one!Copy !req
420. I want that one!Copy !req
421. Him!Copy !req
422. That's him!Copy !req
423. - Ooh.Copy !req
424. Excuse me, fuhrer.Copy !req
425. I mean, I didn't mean to stare.Copy !req
426. - What, what is it?Copy !req
427. You see something missing maybe?Copy !req
428. No, no!Copy !req
429. Everything's fine,Copy !req
430. but, uh, you've only got one ball.Copy !req
431. - Everybody in the Third Reich has to do without something!Copy !req
432. - I see.Copy !req
433. - When the fuhrer is naked,Copy !req
434. everyone is naked!Copy !req
435. - Well, here I am, aren't I?Copy !req
436. Hi.Copy !req
437. - Imbecile.Copy !req
438. Imbecile.Copy !req
439. Don't you know what is expected of you now?Copy !req
440. What?Copy !req
441. I, I think you dropped something.Copy !req
442. - What, what, what?Copy !req
443. I dropped something?Copy !req
444. - I put the soap in your hand, you see,Copy !req
445. and you seem to have let it go.Copy !req
446. You know, dropped it, like, like, uh,Copy !req
447. well, almost like you weren't really interestedCopy !req
448. in washing at all!Copy !req
449. - I was not conscious of this.Copy !req
450. - It is simple to see, mein fuhrer.Copy !req
451. You're, you're real motivations are blocked here.Copy !req
452. - Blocked?Copy !req
453. What, what is blocked?Copy !req
454. - It's a new word, you know.Copy !req
455. It means what's inside can't get outside.Copy !req
456. Some kind of freudian horseshit.Copy !req
457. - Oh, inside, can't get out, ha ha ha.Copy !req
458. You're a nice boy.Copy !req
459. I'm going to make a confession.Copy !req
460. Sometimes, you see,Copy !req
461. I would like to be a ballet dancer.Copy !req
462. - Really?Copy !req
463. No kidding?Copy !req
464. - I often see myself in the opera.Copy !req
465. - Oh, wow.Copy !req
466. - And the people are applauding me!Copy !req
467. - Well, sure they would.Copy !req
468. You see?Copy !req
469. That means this whole number you're doing,Copy !req
470. I mean, this conquest of the world thingCopy !req
471. or whatever it is,Copy !req
472. is just to get attention.Copy !req
473. - Interesting you should say that,Copy !req
474. but I am washing, see, now?Copy !req
475. So, why did I drop the soap, hmm?Copy !req
476. - Well, that, my dear herr Hitler,Copy !req
477. is, is a question you must ask yourselfCopy !req
478. when you wrestle with the true identity, you know.Copy !req
479. I mean, in the dawning of self-awarenessCopy !req
480. between you and your pillow, man,Copy !req
481. when after the labors of sleepless nights,Copy !req
482. you gained the exalted heightsCopy !req
483. of the altar of truth!Copy !req
484. - You have insight.Copy !req
485. Ho ho.Copy !req
486. When I see something I want, I grab it.Copy !req
487. - Well, sure, why not?Copy !req
488. - Ja.Copy !req
489. Und my stomach doesn't stopCopy !req
490. to ask my head if it's hungry.Copy !req
491. - No, that figures.Copy !req
492. - Ooh, by the way,Copy !req
493. what is your name?Copy !req
494. - Um, uh, Fritz.Copy !req
495. - Well, Fritz,Copy !req
496. you say you once had three balls?Copy !req
497. - Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah.Copy !req
498. - Would you like to try for one?Copy !req
499. - Uh, oh, I don't, come on!Copy !req
500. Sir!Copy !req
501. Listen, okay, okay, okay!Copy !req
502. Now, look, I'm gonna, I'm gonna pick up the soap.Copy !req
503. I am, I am.Copy !req
504. Just, just wait.Copy !req
505. I'm, I'm gonna bend over now.Copy !req
506. Just,Copy !req
507. I'm gonna, hey, watch it, will ya?Copy !req
508. Mein fuhrer, wait!Copy !req
509. Oh, my god, wait!Copy !req
510. Ich bin der fuhrer!Copy !req
511. Gee, Fuhrer, now you got no balls.Copy !req
512. - Mein fuhrer!Copy !req
513. Gentlemen, we can no longer continue.Copy !req
514. - Ja.Copy !req
515. War is just a question of balls.Copy !req
516. - Ja, balls.Copy !req
517. Balls.Copy !req
518. - Goebbels.Copy !req
519. Goebbels, are you notCopy !req
520. my most loyal and truthful assistant?Copy !req
521. - Jawohl, mein fuhrer.Copy !req
522. - Und did you not invent the sloganCopy !req
523. which binds all us Nazis?Copy !req
524. - Jawohl, mein fuhrer.Copy !req
525. - And what is that slogan?Copy !req
526. - Death before dishonor.Copy !req
527. - What an asshole slogan.Copy !req
528. - You can always change the slogan.Copy !req
529. You must think of Fraulein Braun.Copy !req
530. She needs you.Copy !req
531. - Ja, think of Eva.Copy !req
532. How she would miss you, Adolf.Copy !req
533. - That's right.Copy !req
534. Uh, after all, who could take my place?Copy !req
535. Sieg heil!Copy !req
536. - I got that Nazi rat bastardCopy !req
537. right between the crack in his ass!Copy !req
538. Ha, now how do those sons of bitchesCopy !req
539. expect to win a war,Copy !req
540. When they're out of goddamn uniform, huh?Copy !req
541. Ha ha!Copy !req
542. - I don't have any time to do anything for myself!Copy !req
543. I don't even have time to get myself a new diaphragm!Copy !req
544. You know, if you hold it up to the light,Copy !req
545. you can even see little pinholes.Copy !req
546. Fritz, I'm tired of plugging it up with Chapstick!Copy !req
547. - Hey.Copy !req
548. Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
549. Out of my shop.Copy !req
550. I won't cash your check,Copy !req
551. and there's no such thing as a refund on those thingsCopy !req
552. just 'cause you say it don't fit quite right, huh?Copy !req
553. - Well, yeah, but it's never been used, Niki.Copy !req
554. I'll even take a prorated refund.Copy !req
555. it was used!Copy !req
556. - Well, only a little, a quickie.Copy !req
557. - And I bet I know who this was used on, too, huh?Copy !req
558. - Well, okay, Niki, you're on.Copy !req
559. Try to guess who.Copy !req
560. - Uh, let's see now.Copy !req
561. With your filthy taste,Copy !req
562. Let's see, it must be a fat one, right?Copy !req
563. - Yeah, right, right.Copy !req
564. Go on.Copy !req
565. - And I just a-bet she sweat a lot,Copy !req
566. and she smell like a goat, huh?Copy !req
567. Right?Copy !req
568. - Right.Copy !req
569. - And she's got bad breath, no teeth?Copy !req
570. Yes, yes!Copy !req
571. Go on!Copy !req
572. Go on!Copy !req
573. You're gettin' warmer!Copy !req
574. - And she's got big, hairy,Copy !req
575. Goddamn mustache on the top lip!Copy !req
576. Oh, you got me, Niki.Copy !req
577. You got me nailed, man.Copy !req
578. - And I'll betCopy !req
579. that fuckin' whore been with every guyCopy !req
580. on this block, right?Copy !req
581. - Niki, you're a genius!Copy !req
582. Hey, Niki!Copy !req
583. Niki, you only left out one thing.Copy !req
584. - Hey, what did I leave out, Fritz?Copy !req
585. - You know what?Copy !req
586. She's got the clap!Copy !req
587. - Ah, that's right!Copy !req
588. How could I skip that?Copy !req
589. That's a nice one.Copy !req
590. She got to have the clap, right?Copy !req
591. She has to.Copy !req
592. Oh.Copy !req
593. Hey, Fritz. - Oh, shit.Copy !req
594. - Fritz, I'll tell you something.Copy !req
595. You're not so bad, you know?Copy !req
596. Maybe, maybe I'll cash your check, after all.Copy !req
597. - Ah, Niki.Copy !req
598. - Hey, hey, Fritz, Fritz.Copy !req
599. Hey, tell me,Copy !req
600. what's this fat whore pig's name, huh?Copy !req
601. What's the broad's name?Copy !req
602. - Gina. - Hey, Fritz.Copy !req
603. - Uh, what? - That's a-my wife's name.Copy !req
604. Gina is my wife's name.Copy !req
605. She don't have the clap.Copy !req
606. - Ah.Copy !req
607. - No!Copy !req
608. - Well, uh, she does now.Copy !req
609. - Why, you,Copy !req
610. You fuckin' cat, I rip your balls off!Copy !req
611. Get the fuck out of my shop!Copy !req
612. Fuck off!Copy !req
613. You fucking cat!Copy !req
614. I kill you!Copy !req
615. I fuck you in the ass!Copy !req
616. - Fritz, man, what's all this noise about, man?Copy !req
617. I can hear all the way from the alley.Copy !req
618. Don't even come here!Copy !req
619. - Aw, nothin'.Copy !req
620. Niki can't take a joke.Copy !req
621. He takes things too seriously, you know.Copy !req
622. - Ha.Copy !req
623. It's hard not to around here, man.Copy !req
624. Gets pretty fuckin' deadly sometimes.Copy !req
625. I mean, I heard it was better years ago,Copy !req
626. you know what I mean?Copy !req
627. - Well, yeah, but you know, Lenny,Copy !req
628. things have always been, more or less,Copy !req
629. up-and-down situation.Copy !req
630. I mean, this street wasn't always a shit-house,Copy !req
631. let me tell ya.Copy !req
632. And even as far back as the '30s,Copy !req
633. there were those who gave and those that took.Copy !req
634. - Aw, Fritz, yeah, but,Copy !req
635. what do I do with this here thing?Copy !req
636. - Huh?Copy !req
637. Oh, you can have it.Copy !req
638. I'm done with it anyway.Copy !req
639. You know, when I was back in the '30s,Copy !req
640. I was one very sharp continental-type stud.Copy !req
641. - The only thing we have to fear isCopy !req
642. fear itself.Copy !req
643. People must have faith.Copy !req
644. Together, we cannot fail.Copy !req
645. And it is up to you, to supportCopy !req
646. and make it work.Copy !req
647. - Hey, putz!Copy !req
648. Your idea of helping out with the gas shortageCopy !req
649. was to stop eating pizzaCopy !req
650. and bring home four of your hooker friendsCopy !req
651. to sleep with us at nightCopy !req
652. to stimulate heat.Copy !req
653. Look, I don't know how you can own a businessCopy !req
654. and not be able to cashCopy !req
655. this miserable pittance of a welfare check is all.Copy !req
656. - If I give you all my money,Copy !req
657. I'll have nothing left to buy with.Copy !req
658. - Oh, Christ, then you are in luck, Morris.Copy !req
659. Look at this.Copy !req
660. Knowing of your love for the unusual,Copy !req
661. I've brought you somethingCopy !req
662. I know you won't be able to resist.Copy !req
663. I know it.Copy !req
664. - Resist?Copy !req
665. Believe me, I could resist.Copy !req
666. - Well, just look at it, Morris,Copy !req
667. the design, the gentle contours.Copy !req
668. Why, it's almost Louis quinze for Christ's sake.Copy !req
669. - It's disgusting, for Christ's sake.Copy !req
670. - No, no, no, no.Copy !req
671. It's the type of item that will sell so fastCopy !req
672. you'll be pleading for more inside of a week,Copy !req
673. believe me.Copy !req
674. No, I'm not a god myself.Copy !req
675. It's been used.Copy !req
676. I can tell.Copy !req
677. - What, used?Copy !req
678. By a little old lady.Copy !req
679. A one-owner shitter, and genteel.Copy !req
680. - That's gentile, you stupid bastard.Copy !req
681. Don't get hosteel.Copy !req
682. - That's "hostile."Copy !req
683. You're taking the wrong approach, Morris.Copy !req
684. Now, some of my best friends are Jewish.Copy !req
685. - Do I look like the Chase Manhattan bank?Copy !req
686. You come in hereCopy !req
687. with out-of-money look in your face.Copy !req
688. Look like you got hit in the head with a foul pitch,Copy !req
689. and you want to sell me this.Copy !req
690. But with inflation,Copy !req
691. the value of a dollar going down,Copy !req
692. my expenses skyrocketing,Copy !req
693. Why, even this week,Copy !req
694. the price of a decent circumcision,Copy !req
695. something I shudder to think about.Copy !req
696. - Well, yeah, I agree with you there,Copy !req
697. but what's that got to do with my toilet seat?Copy !req
698. His older brother Bob-Copy !req
699. - Aha.Copy !req
700. That's the point, my friend.Copy !req
701. My old seder used to say to me,Copy !req
702. "Morris, take a pickle.Copy !req
703. It's made for eating."Copy !req
704. The thing you're holding is made for shitting.Copy !req
705. It's simple logic.Copy !req
706. You could even be a Rockefeller.Copy !req
707. It's tough to find a good pickle.Copy !req
708. Well, socioeconomically speaking,Copy !req
709. you're absolutely correct, but-Copy !req
710. - Look, Fritz,Copy !req
711. The pickles are beginning to get to me.Copy !req
712. And these days,Copy !req
713. a soft stool is too important to meCopy !req
714. for something to quibble,Copy !req
715. so I'll make you a deal.Copy !req
716. Tell you what I'm going to do.Copy !req
717. You give me the seat,Copy !req
718. I'll trade for you a bargain.Copy !req
719. - Where did you get this thing?Copy !req
720. - Questions, youth, all the time, questions.Copy !req
721. Now, there's people don't know an opportunityCopy !req
722. when it smacks them upside of the face.Copy !req
723. - Hmm.Copy !req
724. I think I've been screwed.Copy !req
725. - With that, you could be the next man on the moon.Copy !req
726. - Fuck the moon.Copy !req
727. I been further than that once.Copy !req
728. That's no big deal.Copy !req
729. I'd rather take a shit.Copy !req
730. So would I.Copy !req
731. Give me the seat.Copy !req
732. I'm going to hit you on the top of the head.Copy !req
733. This should cure you.Copy !req
734. Here we go.Copy !req
735. I say heal!Copy !req
736. Heal, Mr. Cobbs, heal!Copy !req
737. Through the power vested in me by God, Jesus Christ,Copy !req
738. I'm going to heal you, Mr. Cobb.Copy !req
739. Hello, world.Copy !req
740. This is the event mankind has been waiting for,Copy !req
741. the first man launched to Mars.Copy !req
742. Hey, Fritz, I got to tell you somethingCopy !req
743. right out in front.Copy !req
744. If it wouldn't be for this fucking cold,Copy !req
745. I'd be going all the way to Mars with you.Copy !req
746. 39 million miles, a drop kick.Copy !req
747. But the doc says I can't fly with this cold.Copy !req
748. It's bad for the ears.Copy !req
749. He said something about me popping a drum or something,Copy !req
750. I don't know.Copy !req
751. Jeez, I got to get some more Binaca.Copy !req
752. Put that in my bring-ups, will you?Copy !req
753. Fritz, you know how I hate to bother youCopy !req
754. when you're getting near the pad,Copy !req
755. but we got to make a decisionCopy !req
756. on the Poligrip account.Copy !req
757. I can see you with a package of five spotsCopy !req
758. for the Japanese and Taiwan market.Copy !req
759. Incidentally, the residuals will be unreal.Copy !req
760. It's eight million yen for every 13-week cycle,Copy !req
761. and you don't have to declare it.Copy !req
762. You know, there's a whole cultCopy !req
763. of denture adhesive freaks out thereCopy !req
764. just waiting for a leader.Copy !req
765. Some of them still got their own teeth.Copy !req
766. Am I bothering you with all this, Fritz?Copy !req
767. My god, Fritz, I got to get some air in here.Copy !req
768. I feel myself slipping away.Copy !req
769. Now, I know you're against charitiesCopy !req
770. and benefits and freebies,Copy !req
771. but hear me out on this one, Fritzie.Copy !req
772. There's a nationwide charity telethon coming upCopy !req
773. the first of next monthCopy !req
774. for the further development of all-vegetable,Copy !req
775. organically-grown, polyunsaturated Preparation H,Copy !req
776. with suntan oil.Copy !req
777. Jerry Lewis is going to be there, everybody.Copy !req
778. And before you shut me off, I got to tell you,Copy !req
779. the exposure will be sensational for you.Copy !req
780. And we might even have a spin-offCopy !req
781. on a new movie that's coming outCopy !req
782. with Frankie Avalon and Annette FunicelloCopy !req
783. called "Beach Ball Piles."Copy !req
784. Well, Fritz, I see we arrived at the pad,Copy !req
785. so this will give you some things to think aboutCopy !req
786. on a 39-million mile trip.Copy !req
787. And remember, Fritz, sweetheart,Copy !req
788. I'd be with you all the way,Copy !req
789. it wouldn't be for this fucking cold.Copy !req
790. Hot damn.Copy !req
791. That chick wouldn't look badCopy !req
792. holding up a Hershey's bar, would she?Copy !req
793. With nuts.Copy !req
794. - Ah, freedom of the press.Copy !req
795. Jeez, I feel sorry for the poor slob.Copy !req
796. I wouldn't make that trip with him with six points.Copy !req
797. - Hey, Fritz, baby, want to talk to Walter?Copy !req
798. - Sure.Copy !req
799. Why not?Copy !req
800. Fritz,Copy !req
801. Does being the first to set foot on Mars,Copy !req
802. golly, kind of give you goose bumps?Copy !req
803. - Gentlemen,Copy !req
804. I've been up and downCopy !req
805. the four corners of this big old world,Copy !req
806. and I've seen it all, and I've done it all.Copy !req
807. I've fought many a good manCopy !req
808. and laid many a good woman.Copy !req
809. And I've had riches, fame,Copy !req
810. and adventure, too.Copy !req
811. Yes.Copy !req
812. I've stood eyeball-to-eyeball with deathCopy !req
813. countless timesCopy !req
814. and never, never once squinted.Copy !req
815. Oh, I've tasted life to the fullest,Copy !req
816. and still my tortured soul cries out,Copy !req
817. more!Copy !req
818. Oh, shit!Copy !req
819. Oh, oh, god, can there be any more?Copy !req
820. - How do it feel, Fritz?Copy !req
821. I mean, man, like, Mars ain't around the corner.Copy !req
822. - Oh, you're so right.Copy !req
823. Hey, would you like to discuss this in private?Copy !req
824. Gee, you got a lovely pair of eyes.Copy !req
825. - In private? - Mm-hmm.Copy !req
826. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
827. Listen, doll,Copy !req
828. I'd kind of like to give you a break.Copy !req
829. You know, kind of help pay backCopy !req
830. for what my people did to your people.Copy !req
831. Yeah?Copy !req
832. What kind of a break?Copy !req
833. Well, you know, an exclusive,Copy !req
834. an inside story.Copy !req
835. Hey, Fritz, wait a second!Copy !req
836. Wait!Copy !req
837. Come on, what about us?Copy !req
838. Hey, what about a statement?Copy !req
839. Give us a break, man, come on.Copy !req
840. Fritz!Copy !req
841. Oh, Fritz!Copy !req
842. Yeah.Copy !req
843. Yeah.Copy !req
844. We interrupt this telecastCopy !req
845. of the first flight to MarsCopy !req
846. for a message of real importance.Copy !req
847. - As chairman of the board of the Golf oil company,Copy !req
848. with its 13,000 dealers from coast-to-coast,Copy !req
849. I want to welcome you all to this momentous event.Copy !req
850. When you drive into one of our Golf stations,Copy !req
851. say howdy to the man who polishes your window,Copy !req
852. and we'll say howdy right back at you.Copy !req
853. At this very minute,Copy !req
854. you can look at one of our own Golf refineriesCopy !req
855. pumping away seven days a week,Copy !req
856. 24 hours a day,Copy !req
857. filling your tanks with gasoline.Copy !req
858. We at Golf oilCopy !req
859. are bringing you this telecastCopy !req
860. in appreciation of the millions of happy Golf customersCopy !req
861. when they say, "fill 'er up."Copy !req
862. What's that I hear?Copy !req
863. Jeez, look at the money they put in that rocket.Copy !req
864. You could buy time on "The Waltons"Copy !req
865. for a year with that kind of bread.Copy !req
866. You know,Copy !req
867. I wonder how you put a deal like that together.Copy !req
868. That's fascinating.Copy !req
869. We have ignition.Copy !req
870. Yahoo-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
871. Yahoo!Copy !req
872. Me, too!Copy !req
873. Baby!Copy !req
874. Oh!Copy !req
875. Baby!Copy !req
876. Oh!Copy !req
877. So unbelievable.Copy !req
878. My brother-in-law would like a rocket like that.Copy !req
879. Shit.Copy !req
880. That's fascinating.Copy !req
881. Gee, look at that.Copy !req
882. Well, there he goes.Copy !req
883. When he gets back, we'll make millions.Copy !req
884. Wow.Copy !req
885. Jeez, I hope they got that explosion on tape.Copy !req
886. It'd be perfect for our forest lawn spots.Copy !req
887. Mr. Cobb.Copy !req
888. Heal, Mr. Cobb.Copy !req
889. Yeah.Copy !req
890. Heal.Copy !req
891. Through the power vested in me by God, Jesus Christ,Copy !req
892. I'm going to heal you, Mr. Cobb.Copy !req
893. Heal you, Mr. Cobb.Copy !req
894. Mr. Cobb.Copy !req
895. Let me make one thing very clear,Copy !req
896. I am not a crook.Copy !req
897. - Why don't you climb up off your ass?Copy !req
898. Remember I was telling youCopy !req
899. you should get to be a contestantCopy !req
900. on "Let's Make a Deal?"Copy !req
901. I'll tell you what.Copy !req
902. You dress up like a frog.Copy !req
903. You look good in green.Copy !req
904. And wear a yarmulke.Copy !req
905. I think he likes Jewish people.Copy !req
906. - Man, am I hung up,Copy !req
907. strung out, and uptight.Copy !req
908. Hey.Copy !req
909. God damn it, I know that laugh.Copy !req
910. Hey, man, it couldn't be.Copy !req
911. - Hey, man.Copy !req
912. You in a bag.Copy !req
913. - Hey, Duke, is it really you?Copy !req
914. - No shit.Copy !req
915. - But I thought you were dead, man.Copy !req
916. I mean, I thought they got you.Copy !req
917. - Fritz, you ain't changed a bit.Copy !req
918. You still don't know where it's at.Copy !req
919. What are you doing down here, anyway?Copy !req
920. - Oh, well, I'm looking for the true meaningCopy !req
921. of my existence, as usual.Copy !req
922. I got tired of the pseudointellectualsCopy !req
923. and the super hype bullshittersCopy !req
924. running the worldCopy !req
925. determining my destiny.Copy !req
926. You dig it?Copy !req
927. And crushing my creative juices, huh?Copy !req
928. Yeah.Copy !req
929. - Now lay the straight line on me.Copy !req
930. - My old lady kicked my ass out.Copy !req
931. - That's what I figured.Copy !req
932. Heh heh.Copy !req
933. - Yeah, but you know, Duke,Copy !req
934. it's going to be better for all of us,Copy !req
935. Really.Copy !req
936. - No shit.Copy !req
937. Ain't I heard that somewhere before?Copy !req
938. - No, no.Copy !req
939. That's no bullshit.Copy !req
940. There's better days ahead,Copy !req
941. I kid you not.Copy !req
942. We brothers got some great timesCopy !req
943. rolling our way, man.Copy !req
944. - Oh.Copy !req
945. Now you brothers, huh?Copy !req
946. - Right on.Copy !req
947. - Shit.Copy !req
948. No telling how black we'll beCopy !req
949. by the time this little chat ends.Copy !req
950. - Take my word for it.Copy !req
951. I know.Copy !req
952. Hey, Duke, you ever hear of New Jersey?Copy !req
953. Huh?Copy !req
954. - Sure.Copy !req
955. You ever heard of Ray Charles?Copy !req
956. - Yeah.Copy !req
957. Hey, and I'll tell you,Copy !req
958. you crows are finally going to come into your own.Copy !req
959. You wait and see.Copy !req
960. Jive sucker come into the ghetto,Copy !req
961. talkin' some stuff.Copy !req
962. Ought to cut the jive mother.Copy !req
963. 25.Copy !req
964. Ready, aim, fire!Copy !req
965. - 26.Copy !req
966. - Hey, man, uh,Copy !req
967. your number's up.Copy !req
968. Come on, let's get to this.Copy !req
969. - But, look, please, sir,Copy !req
970. you got the wrong guy, see?Copy !req
971. Don't push!Copy !req
972. At least let me tell youCopy !req
973. the way it happened, fella, huh?Copy !req
974. - Fritz!Copy !req
975. Go over to the white house and pick up a package.Copy !req
976. - Yes, sir.Copy !req
977. - Mr. President.Copy !req
978. You've got to do something.Copy !req
979. - Believe me,Copy !req
980. there's nothing to worry about.Copy !req
981. - Nothing to worry about?Copy !req
982. - This, this, what's his name-Copy !req
983. - Imaku.Copy !req
984. - Whatever, is suggestingCopy !req
985. that new Africa make a federation with Cuba,Copy !req
986. China, Africa, and northern Ireland.Copy !req
987. - I never did trust a nigger.Copy !req
988. - But you voted in favor of giving them New Jersey.Copy !req
989. The final solution to the Schwartzen problem,Copy !req
990. you said.Copy !req
991. And we get rid of the Puerto Ricans,Copy !req
992. and you can't get a decent shoeshineCopy !req
993. in the whole of America.Copy !req
994. - I haven't seen a decent football gameCopy !req
995. in 10 years.Copy !req
996. Honduras beat us in the Olympics.Copy !req
997. - You know what that means?Copy !req
998. We have a whole country full of niggers,Copy !req
999. angry niggers, right across the river from New York.Copy !req
1000. They could fart and destroy Washington.Copy !req
1001. - No, no, no, no.Copy !req
1002. All we have to doCopy !req
1003. is keep President Supreme Jackson in office.Copy !req
1004. - Come in, come in.Copy !req
1005. - Mr. President, I'm from the messenger service.Copy !req
1006. - It's about time.Copy !req
1007. Now, deliver this to President Supreme Jackson.Copy !req
1008. - In New Jersey?Copy !req
1009. I mean, New Africa?Copy !req
1010. Well, that's where he is.Copy !req
1011. - But, uh,Copy !req
1012. I heard these crowsCopy !req
1013. don't let whites in their country.Copy !req
1014. - Uh, how long have you beenCopy !req
1015. with the Red Arrow delivery service?Copy !req
1016. - Oh, today's my first day.Copy !req
1017. I used to be on welfare.Copy !req
1018. - Go to the motor poolCopy !req
1019. and get a car and a pass.Copy !req
1020. - Yes, sir.Copy !req
1021. - Remember, this is importantCopy !req
1022. to our national security, so don't fail.Copy !req
1023. - I won't fail, sir.Copy !req
1024. - Please.Copy !req
1025. Stop kissing my hand,Copy !req
1026. - Yes, sir.Copy !req
1027. - And touching my palms.Copy !req
1028. Hey.Copy !req
1029. Can I help you?Copy !req
1030. - Yeah, I want to see the man in charge.Copy !req
1031. - I'm in charge here.Copy !req
1032. - I came to get a car and a pass into New Africa.Copy !req
1033. - Okay, I'll get you a car and a passCopy !req
1034. to niggerville.Copy !req
1035. Ah ha ha.Copy !req
1036. This is a rotary engine Mazda.Copy !req
1037. Them niggers will steal anything they can.Copy !req
1038. No sense in risking a new carCopy !req
1039. to go over there.Copy !req
1040. We ain't got anybody to wash 'em up no more.Copy !req
1041. - Yeah. - Here you go.Copy !req
1042. - Thanks.Copy !req
1043. - Hey, uh,Copy !req
1044. come here.Copy !req
1045. If, if you're going to New Africa-Copy !req
1046. - Yeah?Copy !req
1047. - I got a wife and kid over there.Copy !req
1048. - Yeah?Copy !req
1049. - They had to go with their peopleCopy !req
1050. when they gave the Blacks New Jersey.Copy !req
1051. - No shit?Copy !req
1052. - Could you kind of-Copy !req
1053. - Well, there's a lot of Blacks.Copy !req
1054. You were married to a colored woman?Copy !req
1055. Shit.Copy !req
1056. That's 10 years in the slammer.Copy !req
1057. - Yeah.Copy !req
1058. Look, look, I don't expect youCopy !req
1059. to look for 'em,Copy !req
1060. but if, if you should happen to see 'em,Copy !req
1061. will you tell 'em I,Copy !req
1062. tell 'em I said hi.Copy !req
1063. - Yeah.Copy !req
1064. I wonder,Copy !req
1065. I wonder if they're still over there?Copy !req
1066. - Okay.Copy !req
1067. Your pass is good.Copy !req
1068. Go on.Copy !req
1069. - Oh, hey, how do I find President Supreme Jackson?Copy !req
1070. - Wave a dollar bill.Copy !req
1071. - Yeah.Copy !req
1072. Thanks.Copy !req
1073. Yeah.Copy !req
1074. Black is beautiful.Copy !req
1075. Like they say, huh?Copy !req
1076. - Roscoe, there, there.Copy !req
1077. That broad, man.Copy !req
1078. That ugly broad.Copy !req
1079. - Hey, man.Copy !req
1080. Ain't you going to say hello to your old lady?Copy !req
1081. - Oh, watch out, now.Copy !req
1082. Watch out.Copy !req
1083. - That bitch is too uglyCopy !req
1084. for you to say hello to in public.Copy !req
1085. - Shoot.Copy !req
1086. I'd go with her a lot quickerCopy !req
1087. than I'd go with your mama.Copy !req
1088. Shoot, she's so uglyCopy !req
1089. your daddy don't even want to go with her.Copy !req
1090. Shit!Copy !req
1091. - Look who's talking.Copy !req
1092. Shit, if ugliness was electricity,Copy !req
1093. your mama would be walking in a powerhouse.Copy !req
1094. - Oh, man, dig that.Copy !req
1095. That's light shit.Copy !req
1096. That's light shit.Copy !req
1097. I mean, your mama look like 10 miles of bad road, nigger.Copy !req
1098. I mean, your mama got a faceCopy !req
1099. that look like it been run over by a bus,Copy !req
1100. and everybody kept tellin'Copy !req
1101. how good she lookin' till you.Copy !req
1102. And then, so she's been jumpin'Copy !req
1103. in front of buses ever since.Copy !req
1104. - Oh!Copy !req
1105. Man, I don't want to hear that.Copy !req
1106. - Oh, hey, look at that.Copy !req
1107. Boy, some pair of kazongas there.Copy !req
1108. That isn't bad.Copy !req
1109. A little young.Copy !req
1110. But, then, what the hell.Copy !req
1111. These chicks know where it's atCopy !req
1112. by the time they're 11 anyway.Copy !req
1113. How do I get to the black house?Copy !req
1114. - You take the number 20 bus on the corner.Copy !req
1115. You do know what a corner is, don't you, honky?Copy !req
1116. - Yeah.Copy !req
1117. - Uhh.Copy !req
1118. Oh, somebody help.Copy !req
1119. Uhh.Copy !req
1120. Help!Copy !req
1121. Hey, hey, man.Copy !req
1122. - Huh?Copy !req
1123. - Come on, help me, man, please.Copy !req
1124. - Oh, man.Copy !req
1125. What's the matter?Copy !req
1126. - Well, a gang, man.Copy !req
1127. They robbed, aw.Copy !req
1128. - Oh, Jesus. - Help me, man.Copy !req
1129. - Hey, help!Copy !req
1130. There's a man hurt in the alley.Copy !req
1131. Help me, somebody!Copy !req
1132. - Where?Copy !req
1133. - Back here.Copy !req
1134. - Yeah.Copy !req
1135. He hurt bad?Copy !req
1136. Hey, look, man,Copy !req
1137. there's a phone down the block.Copy !req
1138. Go and call an ambulance.Copy !req
1139. Hello?Copy !req
1140. - Operator, give me the hospital.Copy !req
1141. Give you what?Copy !req
1142. - A hospital, sick, doctor, pain, hurt, you know.Copy !req
1143. Just a minute, mister.Copy !req
1144. You looking for a Dr. Sax?Copy !req
1145. Information number 30-70.Copy !req
1146. - Is that 13-17, or is that 30-70?Copy !req
1147. You making fun of me?Copy !req
1148. - No, no.Copy !req
1149. I just wanted to get-Copy !req
1150. - Sound like you white.Copy !req
1151. You white?Copy !req
1152. - What's that got to do with anything?Copy !req
1153. Honky, what you doingCopy !req
1154. talking on a New African phone?Copy !req
1155. - Trying to get a hospital.Copy !req
1156. You're going to need oneCopy !req
1157. the way you making fun of people.Copy !req
1158. - Look, all I want to knowCopy !req
1159. is if the number is 13-17 or 30-70 or what.Copy !req
1160. You such a smart ass, you figure it out.Copy !req
1161. - My opponent is accusing me of dodging the issues.Copy !req
1162. Let me say this about that.Copy !req
1163. Issues is the only thing I'm not dodging.Copy !req
1164. - Hey, hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
1165. Two, hey, two more.Copy !req
1166. Two more of the same.Copy !req
1167. Yeah, all right.Copy !req
1168. - No, no.Copy !req
1169. What am I going to do, man?Copy !req
1170. I mean, I work.Copy !req
1171. I think I look good.Copy !req
1172. I'm still young.Copy !req
1173. You know, I might have about five children.Copy !req
1174. - And when I saw Jimi Hendrix,Copy !req
1175. I'd never saw anybody play guitar, play like,Copy !req
1176. he took a guitar one time and took,Copy !req
1177. he had it round his neck, right?Copy !req
1178. And there was a girl in the audienceCopy !req
1179. that he was dedicating the song to,Copy !req
1180. and he took it, spun it around his neck, right?Copy !req
1181. He's got it on his neck, right?Copy !req
1182. Just going around.Copy !req
1183. Then he takes it,Copy !req
1184. throws it down between his legs and jerks it off.Copy !req
1185. He jerks it off, man.Copy !req
1186. I couldn't believe it.Copy !req
1187. Then, and then threw her right back around his,Copy !req
1188. and then started playing with his teeth.Copy !req
1189. That's right.Copy !req
1190. That's him.Copy !req
1191. - And then, after he played it with his teeth,Copy !req
1192. he dropped it down on the ground,Copy !req
1193. just, lighter fluid, and, fssh!Copy !req
1194. You see it on the album cover.Copy !req
1195. - I mean, you know, I decidedCopy !req
1196. that I just wanted to be a prostitute.Copy !req
1197. - Oh, honey.Copy !req
1198. Hey, wait a minute, baby.Copy !req
1199. - I just want to do my thing, baby.Copy !req
1200. They tell me I can get me some furs.Copy !req
1201. - How you doin'? - Hey, pal,Copy !req
1202. - Nigger, you stepped on my shine!Copy !req
1203. - What's wrong with you?Copy !req
1204. Man, you better get the fuck outta my face.Copy !req
1205. What you talkin' about?Copy !req
1206. Man, I'll cut you.Copy !req
1207. Shoot you.Copy !req
1208. Man, nigger, step outside!Copy !req
1209. Listen, nigger, you better back off!Copy !req
1210. I'll cut you from here to tomorrow!Copy !req
1211. Back up?Copy !req
1212. Ooh, that's right!Copy !req
1213. I'll cut you so goddamn fastCopy !req
1214. you won't bleed till tomorrow nigga.Copy !req
1215. You better get out of my face.Copy !req
1216. - Eh, too easy.Copy !req
1217. - Have you got change for a dollar?Copy !req
1218. - Whoo hoo hoo!Copy !req
1219. Well, now, looky here!Copy !req
1220. A real live White!Copy !req
1221. - Yeah.Copy !req
1222. - Isn't anybody gonna break up that fight?Copy !req
1223. - Them niggers don't fight, sucker.Copy !req
1224. Shit!Copy !req
1225. They just roughin'.Copy !req
1226. - What's a whitey doin' in this joint?Copy !req
1227. - Here you go.Copy !req
1228. Thanks.Copy !req
1229. You got a phone?Copy !req
1230. - Aw, it got ripped off.Copy !req
1231. There's one down the street.Copy !req
1232. - Oh.Copy !req
1233. Help!Copy !req
1234. Somebody!Copy !req
1235. Police!Copy !req
1236. - Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1237. I got $5Copy !req
1238. say you ain't gonna buy that number.Copy !req
1239. In fact, I put my gold teeth on itCopy !req
1240. you can't make that numberCopy !req
1241. with a pencil and a sheet of,Copy !req
1242. who goes there?Copy !req
1243. - Excuse me.Copy !req
1244. - Don't bother me, man.Copy !req
1245. I'm hot.Copy !req
1246. - Well, can you tell me whereCopy !req
1247. to find President Supreme Jackson?Copy !req
1248. - This jive motherfucker.Copy !req
1249. Man, yeah.Copy !req
1250. He's right inside.Copy !req
1251. Go ahead.Copy !req
1252. You can't make that money.Copy !req
1253. - Come on seven.Copy !req
1254. Bet five.Copy !req
1255. - Now what is it?Copy !req
1256. - Message from the White House.Copy !req
1257. The honky Prez.Copy !req
1258. - The white house?Copy !req
1259. - Gimme the message.Copy !req
1260. - What does it say?Copy !req
1261. - It says that we attempt an assassinationCopy !req
1262. and blame it on Imaku, man.Copy !req
1263. - Attempt to assassinate who?Copy !req
1264. - You, fool!Copy !req
1265. Don't worry, man.Copy !req
1266. We'll get an expert shot, man,Copy !req
1267. and all he'll do is wound you.Copy !req
1268. - Wound me?Copy !req
1269. - We got to make it look real.Copy !req
1270. - Fuck that shit.Copy !req
1271. I ain't gonna let nobody shoot me.Copy !req
1272. The answer is no.Copy !req
1273. - Man, I ain't gonna lose this election.Copy !req
1274. - If I got to get shot you are!Copy !req
1275. - Not necessarily.Copy !req
1276. - Fritz?Copy !req
1277. General Jones wants to talk to you!Copy !req
1278. - Okay, thanks.Copy !req
1279. I'm from-Copy !req
1280. - Yeah, I know where the hell you from-Copy !req
1281. - Don't anybody move!Copy !req
1282. - What's this?Copy !req
1283. - We found you was buggin' our conference,Copy !req
1284. spyin' on the movements, tappin' the telephones,Copy !req
1285. and telling the papers I use hair straightener!Copy !req
1286. - How dare you.Copy !req
1287. - Where's Jackson?Copy !req
1288. - He's dead. - Don't you bullshit me!Copy !req
1289. - I'm not.Copy !req
1290. Killed by an American spy.Copy !req
1291. - What?Copy !req
1292. I didn't kill anybody.Copy !req
1293. - Why would they kill Jackson?Copy !req
1294. - 'Cause Jackson was a real brother.Copy !req
1295. Ain't gonna let this murder go unavenged!Copy !req
1296. The council has just declared warCopy !req
1297. on the United States, and dig that!Copy !req
1298. - I thought you saidCopy !req
1299. we were going to lose in two or three days.Copy !req
1300. It's been two weeks.Copy !req
1301. - Where's all that war reparations moneyCopy !req
1302. we was supposed to get?Copy !req
1303. All them PXS and black market cigarettes?Copy !req
1304. - Now, give me a chance to get my head together, man.Copy !req
1305. Now what is it?Copy !req
1306. - The president of the United States.Copy !req
1307. - Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice president,Copy !req
1308. ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
1309. as commander in chiefCopy !req
1310. of all the United States military forces,Copy !req
1311. I surrender.Copy !req
1312. - What?Copy !req
1313. Surrender?Copy !req
1314. What the hell you mean, surrender?Copy !req
1315. Hey, man, you better get back to fightin'.Copy !req
1316. You folks ain't never lost a war.Copy !req
1317. Shit, you can win!Copy !req
1318. - We gettin' them whiteys back?Copy !req
1319. - Unconditional surrender.Copy !req
1320. That's your ass, Jones.Copy !req
1321. For crimes againstCopy !req
1322. the sovereign republic of New AfricaCopy !req
1323. and the assassinationCopy !req
1324. of our beloved president Supreme Jackson,Copy !req
1325. you've been ordered executed this day.Copy !req
1326. You got a last request?Copy !req
1327. - Uh, yes.Copy !req
1328. Please don't shoot me.Copy !req
1329. - Ready,Copy !req
1330. Aim, fire!Copy !req
1331. - I bet you voted for Nixon!Copy !req
1332. Did you by any chance, Mr. smart ass,Copy !req
1333. pop some of my birth control pills?Copy !req
1334. Oh, shit!Copy !req
1335. Ralphie just peed on my shoes!Copy !req
1336. - Christ, is it refreshing to get awayCopy !req
1337. from the pressures of the street.Copy !req
1338. There's much to be said for the advantages of isolation.Copy !req
1339. It allows one total freedom to pick and chooseCopy !req
1340. without the forces of society to wear you down.Copy !req
1341. Hey!Copy !req
1342. Take the example of the influenceCopy !req
1343. of our present-day culture.Copy !req
1344. It typifies humanity's lack of personal concern for others.Copy !req
1345. Hey, fuck you, you inconsiderate bastards!Copy !req
1346. You just sit there on your fat assesCopy !req
1347. and dump on life indiscriminately.Copy !req
1348. I suppose I should learn to acceptCopy !req
1349. the minuscule distractions of life, though.Copy !req
1350. Oh, shit!Copy !req
1351. - The sacred horn of Vishnu wakes you up.Copy !req
1352. Do wake up, please, young Caucasian,Copy !req
1353. 'cause I've come to save your very soul.Copy !req
1354. - What?Copy !req
1355. You sure you want me?Copy !req
1356. - Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1357. It is not possible that I could be in error.Copy !req
1358. You see, my good book here, it guides meCopy !req
1359. as I wander through the vast cosmic universeCopy !req
1360. of my experience,Copy !req
1361. with astral flash and good vibes as my bedfellows.Copy !req
1362. - Wait a minute.Copy !req
1363. I can't get behind that really.Copy !req
1364. Aren't those the yellow pages?Copy !req
1365. Oh, man.Copy !req
1366. Could you not do that?Copy !req
1367. - Please to wash my feet.Copy !req
1368. Wash my feet, Caucasian one.Copy !req
1369. Especially the left one.Copy !req
1370. Only this morning,Copy !req
1371. I stepped in sacred cow shit.Copy !req
1372. - Hey, hey, wow, man.Copy !req
1373. Hold on now.Copy !req
1374. I'm not really into washing cow shit off anybody's feet.Copy !req
1375. - Oh, this is truly a bad omen.Copy !req
1376. I, Javral Ben Roderiga,Copy !req
1377. son of the most ample Javral Ben Roderiga Sr.,Copy !req
1378. have been truly affronted.Copy !req
1379. Look, I didn't mean to offend you, man.Copy !req
1380. - Shh, shh, shh.Copy !req
1381. Silence.Copy !req
1382. There is no need to explain.Copy !req
1383. - Oh, yeah, this is nice.Copy !req
1384. Very nice.Copy !req
1385. - The brass horn of Vishnu announcesCopy !req
1386. that I am the second of two sent from the East.Copy !req
1387. Two also were sent from the West.Copy !req
1388. No matter.Copy !req
1389. It was to cure those, those poor unfortunates,Copy !req
1390. afflicted with the leprosy.Copy !req
1391. - Oh, jeez, that's really a shame,Copy !req
1392. because I've seen a lot of disease down hereCopy !req
1393. but no leprosy, so far.Copy !req
1394. - No leprosy?Copy !req
1395. No running sores?Copy !req
1396. Nothing like that.Copy !req
1397. - No, nothing like that.Copy !req
1398. - Oh, this is most disturbing news.Copy !req
1399. Oh, but chronic backache?Copy !req
1400. - No.Copy !req
1401. None of my friends have that, either, I don't think.Copy !req
1402. - Well, then perhaps the dreaded dandruffCopy !req
1403. or the very heartbreak of psoriasis?Copy !req
1404. - No, I'll tell you the truth.Copy !req
1405. I think you're a little late.Copy !req
1406. See, I think that went down a long time ago.Copy !req
1407. I could tell you a story, if you'd care to-Copy !req
1408. - If you could possibly make it short,Copy !req
1409. because there is a strong possibilityCopy !req
1410. that I should be in Philadelphia.Copy !req
1411. - Jesus, this stuff is dynamite.Copy !req
1412. The eyes of my own soul staring back at me.Copy !req
1413. God knows I've lived the best lives I was capable of.Copy !req
1414. My minor infractions of society's rulesCopy !req
1415. were only due...Copy !req
1416. Oh, please, Lucifer, don't take me!Copy !req
1417. I'm not ready!Copy !req
1418. I'll change!Copy !req
1419. I'm already changing.Copy !req
1420. Look at me change.Copy !req
1421. Oh, my God, what a way to go.Copy !req
1422. - Um, excuse me, certainly.Copy !req
1423. Hello?Copy !req
1424. Yoo-hoo down there.Copy !req
1425. Excuse me.Copy !req
1426. Did anyone find an earring?Copy !req
1427. I dropped my earring in the trash.Copy !req
1428. You'd recognize it.Copy !req
1429. It opens on one side.Copy !req
1430. Kind of a Jade color.Copy !req
1431. It's got a picture of Errol Flynn and Alan Hale naked.Copy !req
1432. - Oh, Jesus Christ!Copy !req
1433. Lucifer's a faggot!Copy !req
1434. - Jesus Christ, my life is shit!Copy !req
1435. I had to get knocked up.Copy !req
1436. I could've had an abortion.Copy !req
1437. No.Copy !req
1438. Mr. Good time Charlie over there.Copy !req
1439. "No," he says, "Have the baby.Copy !req
1440. "We'll get married.Copy !req
1441. I'll take care of you."Copy !req
1442. What'll you take care of?Copy !req
1443. It's a good thing we got Ralphie.Copy !req
1444. Otherwise, we don't even get welfare.Copy !req
1445. Will you tell me one thing you ever did for my Ralphie?Copy !req
1446. Do you ever play with him?Copy !req
1447. Do you ever take him to the ballgame?Copy !req
1448. Do you ever take him fishing?Copy !req
1449. How about fishing?Copy !req
1450. Why don't you take your own son fishing?Copy !req
1451. You don't even change his kitty litter!Copy !req
1452. Did you know that Dr. SpockCopy !req
1453. has stated very clearly in his bookCopy !req
1454. that fathers who are never thereCopy !req
1455. usually makes a fag kid?Copy !req
1456. Do you know what he does most of the time around the house?Copy !req
1457. If he's not picking his nose, he's jerking off.Copy !req
1458. How's that gonna look when he starts kindergarten?Copy !req
1459. - Suck my dick, huh?Copy !req
1460. - You get outta here!Copy !req
1461. Pack your things and get out!Copy !req
1462. I said get out and I mean it!Copy !req
1463. While I'm still young,Copy !req
1464. I have to find a decent father for my child, you bum.Copy !req
1465. All you do is lay around.Copy !req
1466. Listen, I'm sick of cleaning up after you.Copy !req
1467. And don't think I don't know that you fool around.Copy !req
1468. - Huh? - I know it.Copy !req
1469. You junkie, you hophead, you.Copy !req
1470. - Are you kidding? - No, I'm not.Copy !req
1471. Come on, I'm sick of seeing youCopy !req
1472. sitting around here doing nothing.Copy !req
1473. - Get serious!Copy !req
1474. - Don't come back here until you're ready to shape up!Copy !req
1475. - Too much.Copy !req
1476. I thought she was putting me on.Copy !req
1477. Hey, she actually did it.Copy !req
1478. That blows my mind.Copy !req
1479. Hey, I don't have to go to the welfare office tomorrow.Copy !req
1480. Jesus!Copy !req
1481. Wow!Copy !req
1482. - Know what that is?Copy !req
1483. That's shit!Copy !req
1484. You are shit!Copy !req
1485. - Know what, know what?Copy !req
1486. She's got the clap!Copy !req
1487. Some of my best friends-Copy !req
1488. - When he gets back to earth.Copy !req
1489. - This is about the worst life I ever had.Copy !req