1. Listen to me! Killing a few hostages
is not sufficient!
Copy !req
2. The Americans must be made to suffer.
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3. We must humiliate them.
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4. You do not go far enough,
General Amin.
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5. We must strip their entrails out
and drag them to Damascus,
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6. until they include us
in the peace process.
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7. Nonsense! This solution
is not bold enough for Libya.
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8. I say wipe out Washington
and New York.
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9. What? And spoil
three years of good PR?
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10. The Americans believe I'm a nice guy.
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11. In some of their polls, I'm more
popular than their president!
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12. Gentlemen! Gentlemen!
This is getting us nowhere.
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13. If we do nothing else this week,
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14. we must conceive
at least one terrorist act
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15. that will show all the world
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16. that the United States,
the great Satan,
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17. is but a paper tiger - a weak nation,
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18. a weak people,
a people ripe for destruction.
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19. Cowards, no longer willing to fight.
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20. I knew it!
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21. Hey, who are you?
Copy !req
22. I'm Lieutenant Frank Drebin,
Police Squad.
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23. And don't ever
let me catch you guys in America!
Copy !req
24. Watch out!
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25. 98, 99, 100. It's all here.
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26. This completes
our first shipment of heroin.
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27. 100% pure.
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28. It better be - all 40 kilos.
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29. The final shipment
will be delivered in three days.
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30. - Then we'll expect payment.
- Don't worry.'
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31. Police! Throw down your guns!
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32. Kill him.
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33. It's a great day for Americans.
This man alone...
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34. There he is!
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35. No flowers, thank you.
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36. Welcome home, Frank. Good work
in Beirut. We heard about it.
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37. Thanks. I want to know one thing -
is it true about Victoria?
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38. I'm afraid so.
She ran off with some guy.
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39. They got married last week.
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40. Then it's over.
All of this is meaningless.
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41. I did it for her. Everything.
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42. And now she's gone.
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43. And you came down here
to get a hot story, didn't you?
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44. Pictures of me
to sell your newspapers.
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45. - Frank...
- Sure, you think I'm a big hero.
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46. Do any of you understand
how a man can hurt inside?
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47. Frank, they're not here for you.
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48. "Weird Al" Yankovic is on the plane.
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49. What about the wedding?
What was she wearing?
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50. Don't torture yourself!
Put her out of your mind.
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51. I can't get her out of my mind.
What about the guy?
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52. - Do you know anything about him?
- Not much.
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53. Just that he's an Olympic gymnast
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54. and it's the best sex she's ever had.
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55. I trusted her and followed my heart.
Foolishly, it seems.
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56. I'm just gonna have
to learn to forget.
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57. That's why I took my vacation
in Beirut - to find some peace.
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58. It won't be easy.
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59. Everywhere I look,
something reminds me of her.
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60. Maybe cops and women just don't mix.
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61. What about Nordberg?
I came as soon as I heard.
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62. He's alive, but on life support.
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63. He's got a 50/50 chance of living,
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64. though there's only
a 10% chance of that.
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65. Mrs Nordberg, I think
we can save your husband's arm.
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66. Where would you like it sent?
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67. - Frank! I'm so glad you came!
- Wilma, I came as soon as I heard.
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68. Thank you, Frank.
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69. - Where's Nordberg?
- He's right here.
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70. Nordberg, it's Frank, your buddy.
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71. I'll get it!
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72. Get the switch
at the back of the bed!
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73. Nordberg, it's me, Frank.
Who did this to you?
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74. I... love you.
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75. I love you, too, Nordberg.
Who were they?
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76. - Ship... Boat...
- That's right. A boat.
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77. When you're better,
we'll go sailing together,
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78. - just like last year.
- No... Drugs.
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79. Nurse, give this man some drugs!
Can't you see he's in pain?
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80. - Give him a shot, quickly!
- No...
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81. Heroin! Heroin, Frank!
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82. Nordberg, that's a pretty tall order.
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83. Give me a couple of days
on that one.
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84. Oh, my poor Nordberg!
He was such a good man, Frank.
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85. He never wanted to hurt anyone.
Who would do such a thing?
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86. It's hard to tell.
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87. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer,
an angry husband, a gay lover...
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88. Frank, get a hold of yourself!
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89. A good cop - needlessly cut down
by some cowardly hoodlums.
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90. - No way for a man to die.
- You're right, Ed.
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91. A parachute not opening -
that's the way to die,
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92. getting caught in a combine,
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93. having your nuts bit off
by a Laplander.
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94. That's the way I want to go.
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95. Frank! This is terrible!
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96. Don't worry, Wilma.
Your husband is gonna be all right.
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97. Just think positive.
Never let a doubt enter your mind.
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98. He's right, Wilma,
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99. but don't wait till the last minute
to fill out those organ donor cards.
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100. What I'm trying to say is,
as soon as Nordberg is better,
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101. he's welcome back at Police Squad.
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102. Unless he's a drooling vegetable,
but that's only common sense.
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103. Do you know why Nordberg
was at the waterfront?
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104. No...
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105. But I found this at home in a drawer.
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106. A photograph!
"I Luv You" out of Caracas.
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107. A Panamanian ship.
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108. When he said "I love you", he was
telling you the name of the ship!
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109. I realise that... now.
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110. - We'd better check this out.
- I want every available man on it.
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111. I can't spare anybody.
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112. We're in charge of security
for Queen Elizabeth's visit.
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113. Wilma, whatever scum did this,
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114. no man will rest until he's behind
bars. Let's grab a bite to eat.
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115. Due to the extraordinary efforts
of some of our civic leaders,
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116. Queen Elizabeth has included
the city of Los Angeles
Copy !req
117. as one of the cities she'll visit
during her American tour.
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118. Will the city hire
additional security officers?
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119. We have placed the Queen's security
in the hands of Police Squad,
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120. a special division
of the Police Department,
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121. represented here
by Lieutenant Frank Drebin.
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122. Thank you, Your Honour.
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123. Louder!
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124. - You can use my radio mic.
- Thank you.
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125. Thank you, Your Honour.
Protecting the Queen's safety
Copy !req
126. is a task that is gladly accepted
by Police Squad.
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127. No matter how silly the idea
of having a queen might be to us,
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128. as Americans we must be gracious
and considerate hosts.
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129. Thank you, Lieutenant Drebin.
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130. Of course, we all have a stake
in seeing that this portion
Copy !req
131. of the Queen's American tour
is completely protected.
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132. And we can take pride
that the Queen...
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133. Indeed, it is for all the people,
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134. who will be able to share
in these... celebrations...
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135. Especially exciting...
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136. will be... the Queen's...
public appearances.
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137. We also would like...
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138. Ed and I drove to where Nordberg
had been found floating.
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139. Without leads, you have to start
somewhere, and that was the harbour.
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140. Please disperse. Please disperse.
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141. There's nothing for you to see here.
Keep moving.
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142. Where did they find him?
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143. Out there.
Do you wanna take a dinghy?
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144. No, I took care of that
at the press conference.
Copy !req
145. It doesn't make sense.
Good policeman, bright future...
Copy !req
146. then something like this happens.
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147. He was found by the nightwatchman.
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148. I'm gonna talk to the harbour-master.
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149. I'll walk around and snoop.
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150. - Yeah?
- Lieutenant Drebin, Police Squad.
Copy !req
151. I remember you. What do you want?
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152. I wanna ask some questions.
Are you familiar with that face?
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153. I don't know.
My memory ain't so great.
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154. Oh, yeah?
Maybe this'll refresh your memory.
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155. - Still hazy.
- How about this?
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156. I remember. Why do you want to know?
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157. - I can't tell you.
- Maybe this'll help.
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158. - I don't think I should.
- Still don't think so?
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159. - It's Nordberg, he's a cop.
- No, he was dealin' 'H'.
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160. - What?
- He was dirty!
Copy !req
161. Scum! I ought to
run you in right now!
Copy !req
162. He worked at Ludwig's Shipping.
He tried to push something.
Copy !req
163. - What are you gonna do about it?
- Why should I tell you?
Copy !req
164. - Maybe this'll help.
- I shouldn't tell you.
Copy !req
165. Can you spot me a 20? How about now?
Copy !req
166. I'm going down to Ludwig's office.
Copy !req
167. I'll find out
if you're telling the truth.
Copy !req
168. Vincent Ludwig owned one
of the city's largest corporations.
Copy !req
169. A respected business man
and civic leader,
Copy !req
170. he was to chair the Queen's reception
committee.
Copy !req
171. Now I was about to question him about
drugs and attempted murder.
Copy !req
172. - Mr Ludwig?
- Yes?
Copy !req
173. Lieutenant Drebin to see you, sir.
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174. Show him in.
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175. - Lieutenant.
- The feeling is mutual.
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176. Nice to meet you, too. Cuban?
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177. No, Dutch-Irish.
My father was from Wales.
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178. Sit down.
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179. - What a magnificent office.
- Thank you, Lieutenant.
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180. Most objects I have collected
over a period of many years -
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181. my Gainsborough, Ming vases.
Priceless!
Copy !req
182. They are objects which I feel
reflect my personality,
Copy !req
183. like the Japanese fighting fish -
Copy !req
184. beautiful, graceful, elegant...
Copy !req
185. yet single-minded of purpose
Copy !req
186. and deadly when it finds
what it wants.
Copy !req
187. This particular one
is valued at over $20,000.
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188. A luxury item, to be certain,
Copy !req
189. but I am a man who appreciates
the finer things in life.
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190. Oh, this...
This is a rare Samurai pen,
Copy !req
191. a gift from Emperor Hirohito.
Copy !req
192. Unbreakable.
Impervious to everything but water.
Copy !req
193. - Its value is beyond estimation.
- That's fascinating.
Copy !req
194. But I'm sure you didn't pay this
visit for a lecture on fine art.
Copy !req
195. To what do I owe the honour?
Copy !req
196. I'm investigating the attempted
murder of a dock worker,
Copy !req
197. a man named Nordberg,
a police officer.
Copy !req
198. He is still alive, then?
Copy !req
199. He was shot six times.
Copy !req
200. Fortunately, the bullets missed
every vital organ.
Copy !req
201. - The salt water preserved him.
- So they...
Copy !req
202. So they got him
to the hospital in time?
Copy !req
203. He's in the intensive care ward
at Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle.
Copy !req
204. This certainly comes
as a shock to me.
Copy !req
205. As you know, I'm not the kind of man
who takes such things lightly.
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206. There is no room in my organisation
for criminal activity.
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207. Look out there - a vast
commercial development built by me.
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208. Do you have any idea what was
out there just five years ago?
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209. You bet you do. Orange groves!
Copy !req
210. Acres of them.
As far as the eye could see.
Copy !req
211. But now that land will generate
ten times the amount of profit.
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212. Are you all right, Lieutenant?
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213. Let me get you some Kleenex.
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214. Has this officer -
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215. What's his name? Nordberg -
Copy !req
216. been able to tell you anything?
Copy !req
217. Well, he hasn't been able
to tell us a thing so far,
Copy !req
218. but as soon as
he regains consciousness,
Copy !req
219. we'll see if he
can still play the guitar.
Copy !req
220. - Pardon?
- I've taken up a lot of your time.
Copy !req
221. I'd like to look
at your employment records
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222. and speak to someone in Personnel.
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223. Of course.
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224. - Dominique, send in Miss Spencer.
- Yes, sir.
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225. I am quite busy making arrangements
for the royal visit,
Copy !req
226. but I will have my assistant
provide you with anything you need.
Copy !req
227. You've been very co-operative.
I'll note that in my report.
Copy !req
228. My pleasure.
Copy !req
229. Miss Spencer! This is
Lieutenant Drebin from Police Squad.
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230. Hello... Mr Drebin.
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231. Hello.
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232. Oh!
Copy !req
233. Her hair was the colour
of gold in old paintings.
Copy !req
234. She had a full set of curves
Copy !req
235. and the kind of legs
you'd like to suck on for a day.
Copy !req
236. She gave me a look
I could feel in my hip pocket.
Copy !req
237. Yep, this was starting
to get interesting.
Copy !req
238. - Nice beaver.
- Thank you.
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239. - I just had it stuffed.
- Let me help you with that.
Copy !req
240. This should be
what you're looking for -
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241. the shipping and employment records
for Pier 32.
Copy !req
242. Thank you.
Copy !req
243. I've heard police work is dangerous.
Copy !req
244. Yes, that's why I carry a big gun.
Copy !req
245. Couldn't it go off accidentally?
Copy !req
246. I used to have that problem.
Copy !req
247. What did you do about it?
Copy !req
248. I just think about baseball.
Copy !req
249. That's a honey of an ankle-bracelet
you have there.
Copy !req
250. Did it slip down there again?
Copy !req
251. Yes, well...
I'll quickly go through these
Copy !req
252. and get them back to you tomorrow.
Copy !req
253. Fine, but there's no rush.
I mean, whenever you're through.
Copy !req
254. Thank you. I wish there was
some way I could repay you.
Copy !req
255. How about dinner? I know a place
that serves great Viking food.
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256. It's tempting, but I'm afraid
I must rest this evening,
Copy !req
257. tomorrow being Arbor Day.
Copy !req
258. Of course. Perhaps some other time.
Copy !req
259. - How about a rain check?
- Let's just stick to dinner.
Copy !req
260. Thank you for your help,
Miss Spencer.
Copy !req
261. My pleasure.
Copy !req
262. - Well?
- Mr Ludwig, you startled me!
Copy !req
263. I'm sorry, my dear.
Copy !req
264. Did you give the lieutenant
what he wanted?
Copy !req
265. I gave him copies of the files
for Pier 32.
Copy !req
266. Good. That's good.
Copy !req
267. He is an intriguing fellow,
don't you think?
Copy !req
268. Well, I don't know.
I've only just met him.
Copy !req
269. He seems very nice.
Copy !req
270. Jane, I realise
this is an unusual request,
Copy !req
271. but if there is something illegal
going on in this company,
Copy !req
272. I need to know about it,
so we can root it out.
Copy !req
273. That's why I want you to...
Copy !req
274. well, to get to know Drebin
a little better,
Copy !req
275. find out what he knows.
Copy !req
276. Wouldn't this be best handled
by the police?
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277. We are letting the police handle it,
my dear!
Copy !req
278. But we need to know
the facts quickly
Copy !req
279. before anything
gets into the newspapers.
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280. Don't forget, I have a responsibility
to the stockholders.
Copy !req
281. Well... if you put it that way...
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282. - Yes, I'll do my best.
- That's better.
Copy !req
283. I'm sure you will.
Copy !req
284. It was about 4pm
when I returned to Police Squad.
Copy !req
285. I wanted to see what the lab had
come up with on Nordberg's jacket,
Copy !req
286. the one they'd found on the docks.
Copy !req
287. You can tell a lot from fibre
samples if they aren't too wet.
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288. I was hoping we wouldn't
come up dry.
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289. Hey, look out!
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290. Police! Halt!
Copy !req
291. Anybody catch the licence plate?
Copy !req
292. Anybody get a look at the driver?
Copy !req
293. Take the names of everybody here
for questioning.
Copy !req
294. I've got to get... inside.
Copy !req
295. Hi, Ed, Ted. You got
those fibre samples yet?
Copy !req
296. - We got some action here.
- What?
Copy !req
297. We're testing our anti-graffiti wall.
Copy !req
298. We've got customers.
Copy !req
299. It reacts when
the spray hits the sensors.
Copy !req
300. You've done it again - mazel tov!
Copy !req
301. Good work.
What will you think of next?
Copy !req
302. Now that you mention it,
Copy !req
303. here's something
we developed only yesterday.
Copy !req
304. To the casual observer -
an ordinary shoe.
Copy !req
305. But in actuality...
it makes a handy weapon.
Copy !req
306. And everything a cop would need.
Copy !req
307. We call it the Swiss Army Shoe.
Copy !req
308. - Great. And the fibre samples?
- Just one more thing.
Copy !req
309. See these cufflinks I'm wearing?
Copy !req
310. They're not just cufflinks. Each one
fires a single pin-sized dart,
Copy !req
311. that knocks out your victim
for a few minutes.
Copy !req
312. Let me demonstrate on Ed.
Copy !req
313. Ted! Why?
Copy !req
314. Don't worry.
He'll be up and around in no time.
Copy !req
315. - Why don't you take a pair?
- Actually, I could use another pair.
Copy !req
316. I think you'll like them.
Copy !req
317. - Want this, chief?
- Thank you, Al.
Copy !req
318. There's something
on the side of your mouth, Al.
Copy !req
319. No, no. The other side.
Copy !req
320. As you requested, we took some
fibre samples from Nordberg's jacket.
Copy !req
321. I'm afraid it doesn't look good.
Copy !req
322. - What do you mean?
- Take a look for yourself.
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323. - I can't see anything.
- Use your open eye, Frank.
Copy !req
324. Yeah, I can see it now.
Copy !req
325. At first, it appears
to be the normal cotton fibres.
Copy !req
326. But we discovered
a fine white powder.
Copy !req
327. Pure heroin.
Copy !req
328. How well do you know Nordberg?
Copy !req
329. We were partners for nine years
and he's my best friend.
Copy !req
330. We can't allow personal feelings
to get in the way.
Copy !req
331. - Are you saying that Nordberg?
- The Queen arrives in two days.
Copy !req
332. If the press should pick this up,
Copy !req
333. it could be embarrassing
for the police and the city.
Copy !req
334. I'm sorry, Frank. I'm giving you
24 hours to clear Nordberg.
Copy !req
335. - Mr Ludwig?
- Yes?
Copy !req
336. - A Mr Pahpshmir is here.
- Show him in.
Copy !req
337. Is there something wrong, Mr Ludwig?
Copy !req
338. No, it's nothing.
Copy !req
339. - Then may we get down to business?
- Certainly. Have a seat.
Copy !req
340. I can carry out your request.
Copy !req
341. - My price is $20 million.
- Your price is not a problem.
Copy !req
342. But there is concern
on the part of those I represent,
Copy !req
343. that you would be able to...
complete so difficult a task.
Copy !req
344. Tell me, Mr Pahpshmir,
Copy !req
345. in all the world,
who is the most effective assassin?
Copy !req
346. I would think anyone who manages to
conceal his identity as an assassin.
Copy !req
347. Yes, but there is
even a more ideal assassin.
Copy !req
348. One who doesn't know
he is an assassin.
Copy !req
349. - Care for some tea?
- Yes, please.
Copy !req
350. Dominique, service for two, please.
Copy !req
351. I must kill Pahpshmir.
Copy !req
352. - Cream and sugar, sir?
- Mr Pahpshmir?
Copy !req
353. Cream only, please.
Copy !req
354. - There's a gun on the floor, sir!
- Just leave it. It's all right.
Copy !req
355. - The tea, please.
- Of course, sir.
Copy !req
356. Mr Pahpshmir, have you ever seen
sensory-induced hypnosis?
Copy !req
357. I think I just have.
Copy !req
358. How will she get near the target?
Copy !req
359. Oh, I doubt whether it will be her.
Copy !req
360. Good secretaries
are so hard to find these days.
Copy !req
361. And it seems to me...
Copy !req
362. anyone... can be an assassin.
Copy !req
363. I had 24 hours to find
something to clear my friend's name.
Copy !req
364. I returned to the hospital
with Ludwig's records
Copy !req
365. to try to jog Nordberg's memory.
Copy !req
366. Doctor, I have the chart,
if you're ready to go over it.
Copy !req
367. I'll be with you
when I've finished with Mr Nordberg.
Copy !req
368. Yes, Doctor.
Copy !req
369. You'll be out of here
in a couple of...
Copy !req
370. - I'd like to see Officer Nordberg.
- Sign in, please.
Copy !req
371. Wait a minute!
Where's the police guard?
Copy !req
372. - Drebin called and sent him home.
- Drebin?
Copy !req
373. I must kill Nordberg.
I must kill Nordberg.
Copy !req
374. Drebin, Police Squad!
Let go of that pillow!
Copy !req
375. Medical emergency!
Copy !req
376. Drebin, Police Squad.
Follow that black car!
Copy !req
377. The car! Follow that car!
Copy !req
378. Stephanie, check your mirror. Signal.
Copy !req
379. Now pull into traffic.
Copy !req
380. Try and ease off on the brake.
Copy !req
381. - Give it a little gas.
- I know a short cut. Turn left here!
Copy !req
382. - There he is!
- Easy!
Copy !req
383. Turn right! Follow him!
Copy !req
384. It's OK.
Normally, you would not be going 65
Copy !req
385. down the wrong way
of a one-way street.
Copy !req
386. Apply the brakes.
Copy !req
387. Now put it in reverse.
Copy !req
388. - You dumb broad!
- Stephanie...
Copy !req
389. Gently extend your arm.
Copy !req
390. Extend your middle finger.
Copy !req
391. - Very good. Well done.
- There he is!
Copy !req
392. Go for it, Stephanie!
Copy !req
393. Excuse me. Excuse me.
Copy !req
394. All right, move on!
Nothing to see here!
Copy !req
395. Please disperse!
Copy !req
396. Nothing to see here. Please!
Copy !req
397. The attempt on Nordberg's
life left me shaken and disturbed.
Copy !req
398. The questions kept coming up
again and again,
Copy !req
399. like bubbles in a case of soda.
Copy !req
400. Who was this character
in the hospital?
Copy !req
401. Why was he trying to kill
Nordberg... and for whom?
Copy !req
402. Did Ludwig lie to me?
I didn't have any proof,
Copy !req
403. but somehow,
I didn't entirely trust him.
Copy !req
404. Why was the "I Luv You"
not listed in Ludwig's records?
Copy !req
405. If it was, did he know about it?
Copy !req
406. If he didn't, who did?
Copy !req
407. And where the hell was I?
Copy !req
408. It was almost midnight
when I got home.
Copy !req
409. I just wanted
to slip under my blankets,
Copy !req
410. but my night was
just about to begin.
Copy !req
411. You're late.
Copy !req
412. That depends on what I'm late for.
Copy !req
413. You said we should
have dinner some time.
Copy !req
414. Tonight became "some time".
Copy !req
415. I'm boiling a roast.
Copy !req
416. How hot and wet do you like it?
Copy !req
417. Very hot and awfully wet.
Copy !req
418. You seem to know your way
around a kitchen.
Copy !req
419. I'm just as handy
in other rooms of the house.
Copy !req
420. That shirt looks familiar.
Copy !req
421. It's yours. I didn't want
to get stained or wrinkled.
Copy !req
422. At least... not yet.
Copy !req
423. Do you mind if I slip
into something more comfortable?
Copy !req
424. There. That's better.
Copy !req
425. I hope you've brought your appetite.
Copy !req
426. I've brought everything.
Copy !req
427. Well, then, dig in.
Copy !req
428. Interesting. Almost as interesting
as the photographs I saw today.
Copy !req
429. I was young. I needed the work.
Copy !req
430. No, they were taken
at Ludwig's docks.
Copy !req
431. A ship came in, a Panamanian ship.
It wasn't on Ludwig's records.
Copy !req
432. Probably an oversight.
Copy !req
433. How is your... meat?
Copy !req
434. You be the judge of that.
Copy !req
435. Mmm...
Copy !req
436. I've got nine more.
Copy !req
437. - Have you seen that ship?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
438. It doesn't look like ours,
but we deal with so many ships.
Copy !req
439. Has Officer Nordberg
told you anything?
Copy !req
440. No, there's been another attempt
on his life. He's in a coma.
Copy !req
441. That's terrible!
This world is such a violent place.
Copy !req
442. If it wasn't, I'd be out of a job,
Copy !req
443. but I'd give it up tomorrow
to live in a world without crime.
Copy !req
444. That's beautiful.
Copy !req
445. This is all happening too fast.
Copy !req
446. - I've been hurt before.
- I'm sorry.
Copy !req
447. I'd known her for years.
Copy !req
448. We used to go to
all the police functions together.
Copy !req
449. How I loved her,
but she had her music.
Copy !req
450. I think she had her music.
Copy !req
451. She'd hang out with the
Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.
Copy !req
452. I don't recall her playing
an instrument or being able to sing.
Copy !req
453. Yet she was on the road
300 days of the year.
Copy !req
454. I bought her a harp for Christmas.
She asked me what it was.
Copy !req
455. It's the same old story.
Boy finds girl.
Copy !req
456. Boy loses girl. Girl finds boy.
Copy !req
457. Boy forgets girl. Boy remembers girl.
Copy !req
458. Girl dies in a blimp accident
Copy !req
459. over the Orange Bowl
on New Year's Day.
Copy !req
460. - Goodyear?
- No, the worst.
Copy !req
461. Poor dear!
Copy !req
462. Now, now. I don't want to upset you.
Copy !req
463. Frank, it's not that.
Copy !req
464. Why did you have to be so wonderful?
Copy !req
465. - There's something I must tell you.
- No! No need to tell me anything.
Copy !req
466. What's in the past
doesn't matter anyway.
Copy !req
467. Maybe...
Copy !req
468. Maybe we're just two lonely souls
who have found each other.
Copy !req
469. Funny-face!
Copy !req
470. I want you to know...
I practise safe sex.
Copy !req
471. So do I.
Copy !req
472. I had a wonderful day, Frank. I can't
believe we just met yesterday.
Copy !req
473. You really mean that?
You're not just saying it,
Copy !req
474. because we exchanged bodily fluids?
Copy !req
475. No, I really mean it.
You're very special.
Copy !req
476. - Can I interest you in a nightcap?
- No, thanks, I don't wear them.
Copy !req
477. Actually, I'm on stake-out tonight.
Copy !req
478. I'll be thinking about you.
I'll call you tomorrow.
Copy !req
479. OK.
Copy !req
480. Good night!
Copy !req
481. The answer's up there
in Ludwig's office.
Copy !req
482. Call it what you will -
a hunch, women's intuition.
Copy !req
483. Ludwig knows more than he's saying.
Copy !req
484. A hunch won't stand up in court.
Where are your hard facts?
Copy !req
485. He's the only one except us
who knew Nordberg was still alive.
Copy !req
486. Next thing we know,
some thug tries to knock him off.
Copy !req
487. Maybe. But breaking into Ludwig's
office is taking a big chance.
Copy !req
488. I know. You take a chance
getting up in the morning,
Copy !req
489. crossing the street
or sticking your face in a fan.
Copy !req
490. There he is!
Copy !req
491. Just trust me on this, Ed.
I know I'm right.
Copy !req
492. OK, but be careful.
Copy !req
493. Get some sleep.
I'll see you in the morning.
Copy !req
494. Bingo!
Copy !req
495. "20,000,000 deposited,
Omani Bank, Zurich,
Copy !req
496. "upon proof of Queen's death."
Copy !req
497. Destroying property, arson...
Copy !req
498. sexual assault
with a concrete dildo?
Copy !req
499. What the hell were you doing there?
Copy !req
500. I'm sorry about that, Your Honour,
Copy !req
501. but we believe Ludwig is involved
in a plot to assassinate the Queen.
Copy !req
502. That's ridiculous!
Where is this "evidence"?
Copy !req
503. Well... it... burned in the f-fire.
Copy !req
504. Gentlemen,
Copy !req
505. Vincent Ludwig is one of the most
respected members of this community.
Copy !req
506. If we're very nice to him,
he will agree not to press charges.
Copy !req
507. - Your Honour!
- Did I make myself clear?
Copy !req
508. Yes, Your Honour. Good day.
Copy !req
509. Drebin!
Copy !req
510. I don't want any more trouble like
you had last year. That's my policy.
Copy !req
511. When I see five weirdos dressed
in togas stabbing a guy in a park,
Copy !req
512. I shoot the bastards.
That's my policy.
Copy !req
513. That was a Shakespeare in the Park
production of "Julius Caesar"!
Copy !req
514. - You killed five actors! Good ones.
- Your Honour...
Copy !req
515. Your presence at the Queen's
reception tonight is not necessary.
Copy !req
516. Is that understood?
Copy !req
517. We understand, Your Honour.
Thank you.
Copy !req
518. The plane has taxied to a stop.
Copy !req
519. Any minute now
we expect the doors to open
Copy !req
520. and we'll get a glimpse
of the Queen,
Copy !req
521. as she begins her first visit
to Los Angeles in five years.
Copy !req
522. It's a balmy, beautiful evening too.
Copy !req
523. She's going from here
to a formal reception...
Copy !req
524. - Jane!
- Frank!
Copy !req
525. I'm just making some dinner.
Are you hungry?
Copy !req
526. Maybe just a bite.
Copy !req
527. Ludwig wanted me to ask you
to meet him tonight.
Copy !req
528. There is something you should know.
I was in his place last night.
Copy !req
529. How nice! Did he show you his
Ming vases and rare oil paintings?
Copy !req
530. Jane, I think that he's involved
in a number of criminal activities.
Copy !req
531. Frank, stop it!
Copy !req
532. Vincent Ludwig is a well-respected,
generous, kind man.
Copy !req
533. - You don't know him like I do.
- How's that?
Copy !req
534. - What's that supposed to mean?
- I'm sorry. I'm worried about you.
Copy !req
535. I don't trust him and I don't want
you mixed up in anything dangerous.
Copy !req
536. Are Woo back in business?
They closed down three years ago.
Copy !req
537. Gee, has it been that long? I don't
feel like Chinese tonight anyway.
Copy !req
538. It's sweet of you to be concerned,
but you're wrong about Vincent.
Copy !req
539. He's such a gentleman.
He's so generous.
Copy !req
540. He just wants to talk with you
Copy !req
541. to clear up any doubts
you might have.
Copy !req
542. - When?
- Tonight.
Copy !req
543. Meet him at the 7th Street
stockyards.
Copy !req
544. All right,
but promise you'll be careful.
Copy !req
545. Of course I will,
funny-face, for you.
Copy !req
546. I've got to go. See you tomorrow.
Copy !req
547. Are you sure you won't have
something to eat?
Copy !req
548. Ludwig?
Copy !req
549. - Drebin?
- Yeah, I'm Drebin.
Copy !req
550. I have a message for you
from Vincent Ludwig.
Copy !req
551. I'm sorry, I can't hear you!
Copy !req
552. Don't fire the gun
while you're talking.
Copy !req
553. All right, put your gun down
and your hands up!
Copy !req
554. Matthews, stake out that end,
Copy !req
555. and card-check for
anyone suspicious looking.
Copy !req
556. Frank, what are you doing here?
Copy !req
557. I've been trading shots
with one of Ludwig's goons.
Copy !req
558. They're planning
to do her tonight, here.
Copy !req
559. - We better be on the lookout.
- Excuse me, ma'am, security.
Copy !req
560. - What's the meaning of this?
- Relax! Nothing will happen.
Copy !req
561. - I didn't do anything.
- Yeah? What about this?
Copy !req
562. You think we were born yesterday?
You didn't do anything, huh?
Copy !req
563. I got rights!
Copy !req
564. Ed, he's got a picture of your wife!
Copy !req
565. Ethel!
Copy !req
566. All right,
anyone else here seeing his wife?
Copy !req
567. That's all right, Frank.
Let's get in the hall.
Copy !req
568. Are you enjoying yourself, my dear?
Copy !req
569. I'm so excited to be here.
I appreciate your inviting me.
Copy !req
570. Pleasure's all mine.
Perhaps afterwards we can...
Copy !req
571. - Drebin!
- Frank!
Copy !req
572. You're both right.
Surprised to see me, Mr Ludwig?
Copy !req
573. This is not the time
or place to talk.
Copy !req
574. It's way past the time we talked.
Copy !req
575. The gloves are off,
I'm playing hardball.
Copy !req
576. It's fourth and fifteen, and
you're looking at a full court press.
Copy !req
577. Mr Drebin!
If you have evidence, then use it.
Copy !req
578. If not, I am warning you -
get off my back!
Copy !req
579. Or it will cost you dearly.
Copy !req
580. - Frank, what's wrong?
- A lot of things, sweetie-pie.
Copy !req
581. A meeting that turned into
a peek-a-boo session with bullets,
Copy !req
582. set up by someone
who's been playing me like a violin.
Copy !req
583. Funny-face,
what are you talking about?
Copy !req
584. My stockyard meeting, butter-wings.
Don't you remember setting that up?
Copy !req
585. Mr Ludwig said you'd called it off!
Believe me!
Copy !req
586. Thumb me another one, shuckie-lumps!
Copy !req
587. Frank, it's the truth!
Copy !req
588. Cops and women don't mix.
Like eating a spoonful of Drano.
Copy !req
589. It'll clean you out,
but it'll leave you hollow inside.
Copy !req
590. Too bad, sugar-puff.
Copy !req
591. We could have been something.
Copy !req
592. I only did what I was told to do!
Copy !req
593. - Like make love to me?
- Frank!
Copy !req
594. That makes things easier, Princess.
Copy !req
595. To think I trusted you!
I made a big mistake.
Copy !req
596. - You can take this back.
- Whose is that?
Copy !req
597. Doesn't matter.
Take care of yourself, baby.
Copy !req
598. By the way...
Copy !req
599. I faked every orgasm.
Copy !req
600. Funny-face!
Copy !req
601. And to commemorate our friendship,
Copy !req
602. the city of Los Angeles is proud
to present to the Royal Family
Copy !req
603. this Revolutionary War musket,
donated by Mr Vincent Ludwig.
Copy !req
604. Ladies and gentlemen,
Her Royal Highness,
Copy !req
605. Queen Elizabeth II!
Copy !req
606. It's disgusting the way they splash
this stuff all over the newspapers!
Copy !req
607. What is journalism coming to?
Copy !req
608. You're laying on top of the Queen
with her legs wrapped around you
Copy !req
609. and they call that news!
Copy !req
610. They can't kick you off the Force,
it's not fair.
Copy !req
611. I know. Life isn't always fair.
Copy !req
612. Just think, the next time I shoot
someone, I could be arrested.
Copy !req
613. Hey, look at that!
Copy !req
614. The missing evidence in the Kilner
case! My God, he WAS innocent!
Copy !req
615. He went to the chair
two years ago, Frank.
Copy !req
616. Well... what's the use?
Copy !req
617. What good are these damn awards
and citations?
Copy !req
618. Frank...
Copy !req
619. Frank, that's not your desk!
Copy !req
620. Frank! I've been
looking all over for you!
Copy !req
621. Running another errand
for your boyfriend?
Copy !req
622. I tried to call last night.
I went by your place. Where were you?
Copy !req
623. I was out walking. All night.
Copy !req
624. Listen to me!
I have important information.
Copy !req
625. There was never anything
between Vincent and me.
Copy !req
626. - He likes East German men.
- What about you?
Copy !req
627. I like cops.
Copy !req
628. - All right! Yeah!
- Settle down. Take it easy.
Copy !req
629. - What've you got?
- I overheard Ludwig.
Copy !req
630. You were right. He is planning to
have someone assassinate the Queen!
Copy !req
631. - Where?
- At the baseball game.
Copy !req
632. The Queen will be there
as Ludwig's guest.
Copy !req
633. Is Ludwig going to shoot her
in front of 60,000 fans?
Copy !req
634. No, a player,
during the 7th inning stretch.
Copy !req
635. - It starts in 20 minutes.
- I'll go.
Copy !req
636. - I'll go with you.
- Stay with Ludwig
Copy !req
637. - to allay suspicion.
- OK, let's go!
Copy !req
638. Wait! Wait!
Copy !req
639. I've gotten you into enough trouble
already. I'll go alone.
Copy !req
640. No! This'll get you back on
the Force. We're right behind you.
Copy !req
641. Frank? I wanted you to know now,
Copy !req
642. I've loved you since the first day
I met you, and I'll never stop.
Copy !req
643. I'm a very lucky woman.
Copy !req
644. So am I.
Copy !req
645. Good afternoon.
We're coming live from the Big A,
Copy !req
646. where the California Angels
meet the Seattle Mariners
Copy !req
647. in their showdown
for the Division League.
Copy !req
648. Hello! I'm Curt Gowdy,
along with Jim Palmer,
Copy !req
649. Tim McCarver, Dick Vitale, Mel Allen,
Copy !req
650. Dick Enberg and Dr Joyce Brothers.
Copy !req
651. Join us for this
all-important ball game.
Copy !req
652. And a special game it is.
Copy !req
653. As we know, it is being attended
by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth.
Copy !req
654. I'm sure she'll enjoy this game, Jim.
Copy !req
655. We've got all the exits covered.
Copy !req
656. I ought to arrest Ludwig right now.
Copy !req
657. No, we've got to let him
make the first move.
Copy !req
658. The Mayor would have you arrested.
You've got to stay out of sight.
Copy !req
659. I've got to get that assassin.
Copy !req
660. It could be any of those players.
Copy !req
661. I've got to get down on that field
and search those players.
Copy !req
662. Ladies and gentlemen,
please rise and welcome
Copy !req
663. Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II!
Copy !req
664. One moment.
Copy !req
665. Over there - these seats are taken.
Copy !req
666. My dear, is something bothering you?
Copy !req
667. No, why do you ask?
Copy !req
668. You haven't said a word.
You seem... nervous.
Copy !req
669. Well, you know how important
this game is for the Angels.
Copy !req
670. Why he not here now?
I do not like to wait for him.
Copy !req
671. Mr Pallazzo, our head usher will
be here in two minutes. Please wait.
Copy !req
672. - He should be here now!
- I'll send him right over.
Copy !req
673. I do not wait for him!
He waits for me!
Copy !req
674. - Yes?
- Mr Pallazzo?
Copy !req
675. I am the head usher.
I am here to... Excuse me.
Copy !req
676. - Mr Pallazzo?
- Yes?
Copy !req
677. - I am the head usher.
- One second.
Copy !req
678. Ladies and gentlemen,
Copy !req
679. on behalf of the California Angels
and the City of Los Angeles,
Copy !req
680. on the occasion of the royal visit,
Copy !req
681. please welcome
internationally-renowned opera star,
Copy !req
682. Enrico Pallazzo!
Copy !req
683. Ladies and gentlemen,
let us honour America,
Copy !req
684. as Mr Pallazzo will now sing
our national anthem.
Copy !req
685. And now we'll wait
for the exchange of line-ups
Copy !req
686. and the start of today's ball game.
Copy !req
687. Excuse me, could you tell me,
is this an official bat?
Copy !req
688. The Queen's visit
has brought a sell-out crowd!
Copy !req
689. And the fans are being entertained
by the stadium's Angel Vision,
Copy !req
690. showing some unusual moments
in baseball over the years!
Copy !req
691. Sorry, fellas!
Copy !req
692. How about that?
Copy !req
693. Ladies and gentlemen,
Copy !req
694. now taking the field -
your California Angels!
Copy !req
695. For everybody's safety,
Copy !req
696. we ask that you do not throw
any objects on the field.
Copy !req
697. We thank you for your co-operation.
Copy !req
698. As the Angels take the field, we're
ready for the first pitch ceremony
Copy !req
699. with the Queen of England
ready to toss out the first ball.
Copy !req
700. How about that?
Let's have a round of applause!
Copy !req
701. We're ready for the start,
Copy !req
702. as these lovely ladies would agree.
Copy !req
703. Those are the players' wives,
here to enjoy the game.
Copy !req
704. What d'you say, Cummings?
Are we gonna do this today?
Copy !req
705. Do what?
Copy !req
706. Play ball!
Copy !req
707. Frank! Al, it's Frank!
Copy !req
708. The game's under way. Dave Spiwack
ready to face Jay Johnstone!
Copy !req
709. - Nothing to report.
- Don't worry, Al.
Copy !req
710. If one of the players is the killer,
Frank'll find him,
Copy !req
711. even if he has to search
every one of them.
Copy !req
712. lead-off hitter Jay Johnstone.
Copy !req
713. Hello, pal. Let's see
if that uniform's on straight.
Copy !req
714. Good here. Now let's see the shirt.
You should take a large.
Copy !req
715. It's a little tight in the crotch.
Copy !req
716. All right? All set?
Copy !req
717. OK, play ball!
Copy !req
718. Strike?
Copy !req
719. Yeah, strike!
Copy !req
720. Stee-rike two!
Copy !req
721. Stee-rike three!
Copy !req
722. You're clean!
Copy !req
723. Have you found him yet?
Copy !req
724. No, and I've searched
almost everybody.
Copy !req
725. Yeah. There's only one more out
before the seventh inning stretch.
Copy !req
726. You're going to have to stall them.
Don't let 'em get that third out.
Copy !req
727. Right.
Copy !req
728. The Mariners' number four -
Armando Criscione! Criscione!
Copy !req
729. - Ball!
- Ball?
Copy !req
730. Ball!
Copy !req
731. Get... get... what the? Get off!
Copy !req
732. Catch it! Catch it!
Copy !req
733. - Get 'em off!
- Go, go, go!
Copy !req
734. - Safe!
- What do you mean, safe?
Copy !req
735. I don't believe it!
Copy !req
736. Second base! On two!
Copy !req
737. There's a throw by the catcher
Copy !req
738. and now they've got Criscione
hung up between 1st and 2nd!
Copy !req
739. What the hell are you doing?
Copy !req
740. What?
Copy !req
741. - You're not supposed to do that!
- Wait a minute! Stop that!
Copy !req
742. Put that back down! Give me the ball!
Copy !req
743. I'll get you!
Copy !req
744. It's hard to believe,
Copy !req
745. but apparently the umpires
have got Criscione in a run-down!
Copy !req
746. - Safe!
- Safe?
Copy !req
747. How about that?
Copy !req
748. - Out!
- Safe!
Copy !req
749. - Out!
- He was safe!
Copy !req
750. - Out!
- Safe!
Copy !req
751. There's a sight I've never seen!
Copy !req
752. - Safe!
- What are you doing?
Copy !req
753. Safe! Safe! Safe!
Copy !req
754. - He was out!
- He was safe!
Copy !req
755. You idiot! He was out!
Copy !req
756. All right, you're out of here!
Copy !req
757. - What?
- You can't throw an umpire out!
Copy !req
758. All right, YOU'RE out!
Copy !req
759. Hold on! Even the guy running
the scoreboard says he was out!
Copy !req
760. And he's up in the mezzanine!
Copy !req
761. It's the third out!
Copy !req
762. I must kill... the Queen.
Copy !req
763. I must kill... the Queen.
Copy !req
764. Frank, it's the right-fielder!
Copy !req
765. - You're the boss!
- It was safe.
Copy !req
766. Now, we're going to take a walk.
Copy !req
767. How could you
do something so vicious?
Copy !req
768. It was easy. Don't forget I spent
two years as a building contractor.
Copy !req
769. Now, let's go quietly.
Copy !req
770. Hey, look at that! Let's get him!
Copy !req
771. Kick him in the balls!
Copy !req
772. I must kill... the Queen.
Copy !req
773. Look out!
Copy !req
774. The umpire...
He saved the Queen's life!
Copy !req
775. That's not the umpire, Your Honour.
Copy !req
776. Hey, it's Enrico Pallazzo!
Copy !req
777. Frank! Frank, help!
Copy !req
778. Frank! Frank, help! Frank!
Copy !req
779. Hold it, Ludwig!
Copy !req
780. Stay where you are!
Copy !req
781. - He's got a gun!
- I know.
Copy !req
782. You ruined my life.
Now I'm going to ruin yours.
Copy !req
783. - Leave the girl alone!
- I am. I'm going to kill you.
Copy !req
784. I see.
Copy !req
785. Two can play at that game!
Copy !req
786. - You killed him!
- No, just stunned.
Copy !req
787. He'll be all right.
Copy !req
788. Well...
Copy !req
789. Frank... it's horrible!
Copy !req
790. - It's so horrible!
- I know, Ed.
Copy !req
791. My father went the same way.
Copy !req
792. I must kill... Frank Drebin.
Copy !req
793. I must kill... Frank Drebin.
Copy !req
794. No, no, don't shoot!
Copy !req
795. Jane... it's me...
Copy !req
796. Funny-face.
Copy !req
797. I must kill Frank Drebin.
Copy !req
798. You love Frank Drebin.
Copy !req
799. And Frank Drebin loves you.
Copy !req
800. Jane, if you don't love me,
you might as well pull that trigger,
Copy !req
801. because without you,
I wouldn't want to live anyway.
Copy !req
802. I've finally found
someone I can love -
Copy !req
803. a good, clean love...
without utensils.
Copy !req
804. I must kill Frank Drebin.
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805. It's a topsy-turvy world, Jane,
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806. and maybe the problems of two people
don't amount to a hill of beans,
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807. but this is our hill
and these are our beans.
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808. Since I met you, I've noticed
things I never knew where there -
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809. birds singing, dew glistening
on a newly-formed leaf,
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810. stop lights...
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811. I must kill...
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812. Jane, this morning...
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813. I bought something for you.
It's not very much,
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814. but pretty good
for an honest policeman's salary.
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815. It's an engagement ring.
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816. I'd have given it to you earlier,
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817. but I wanted to wait
until we were alone.
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818. - I...
- I love you, Jane.
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819. Oh, Frank!
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820. I'm sorry!
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821. I'm sorry that I yelled at you
yesterday, I really am.
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822. Drebin!
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823. I was wrong about you.
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824. This city and the whole world
owes you a debt of gratitude.
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825. Thank you.
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826. And Monday morning
we want you back at Police Squad...
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827. - with a promotion to captain.
- Mayor...
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828. Don't thank me. There's someone else
here who wants to thank you.
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829. - Nordberg!
- Hiya, buddy!
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830. The doc says
I should be on my feet in a week!
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831. - And back on the Force!
- Nordberg, that's wonderful!
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832. Frank! Everyone should have
a friend like you!
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