1. Go, go, go!
Move it, move it!
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2. Let's go, let's go!
Come on!
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3. It's a powder keg
in there.
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4. No one moves till we get word
from the mayor.
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5. Shoot! Hey.
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6. Hey. Little girl.
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7. Stop.
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8. Stop!
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9. Stay down!
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10. What do you want, little one?
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11. Your ass.
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12. Boo!
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13. Well done.
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14. Who...
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15. Who are you?
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16. Frank Drebin, Police Squad.
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17. The new version.
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18. Shoot.
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19. My name is Sergeant Frank Drebin,
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20. Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad,
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21. a special division of the LAPD.
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22. The day after the bank robbery
started like any other.
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23. I woke up in
my empty cop apartment,
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24. stared at a picture
of my deceased cop wife
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25. and choked back cop tears.
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26. A perfect morning? Sure.
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27. But I had no idea
what this city had in store for me.
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28. What the hell?
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29. Hey! There he is.
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30. Way to go, Frank!
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31. Thank you. Thanks, everyone.
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32. What is this?
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33. Don't cheer for him!
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34. You two, my office now!
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35. Thanks to you,
I just spent two hours
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36. getting chewed out
by the mayor.
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37. Apparently, some of the bank robbers
you put in the ICU,
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38. they're lawyering up
to sue the city.
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39. That's ridiculous.
They're criminals.
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40. It's the law.
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41. Since when do cops
have to follow the law?
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42. Since forever.
Oh, yeah?
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43. And who's going to arrest me?
Other cops?
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44. Yes.
Is she serious?
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45. Is he serious?
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46. He's... no.
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47. Look, let me be crystal clear.
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48. They are threatening
to shut down Police Squad because of you.
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49. Honestly, you're lucky
you still work here
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50. after last year's
McDonald's incident.
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51. They wouldn't sell me
Freedom Fries.
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52. You arrested the entire staff!
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53. I wasn't thinking clearly.
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54. I was furious about the
Janet Jackson Super Bowl.
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55. That was 20 years ago!
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56. Not to me.
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57. We understand, Chief.
You're right.
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58. Good.
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59. 'Cause I'm taking you
off the bank job.
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60. What?
I'm putting you on collisions.
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61. There's a crash up in Malibu.
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62. Yes, ma'am. Thank you.
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63. And make sure your bodycams
are actually turned on!
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64. Got it. Camera will be on.
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65. Drebin!
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66. It's a new day
at Police Squad!
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67. Things are changing
so fast around here.
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68. I guess you really
can't fight City Hall, huh?
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69. No. It's a building.
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70. Now, there's a real man.
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71. They just don't make 'em
like your pops anymore.
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72. I'm glad he's not around to see
what Police Squad has come to.
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73. Mind if I take a minute, Ed?
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74. Of course.
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75. Hi, Daddy. It's me, Frank Jr.
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76. I want to be
just like you, but
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77. at the same time,
be completely different and original.
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78. So, if you're proud of me,
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79. give me a sign, like...
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80. maybe make me see
an owl or something.
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81. Hey, Dad.
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82. It's me, Ed.
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83. Boy, do I miss you.
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84. Hey, Pops.
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85. Ed and I pulled up
to the Malibu car crash around 2:00 p.m.
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86. Nothing unusual.
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87. But in this city,
usual is unusual... usually.
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88. What the hell?
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89. So how was your
date last night, Frank?
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90. Ah, I couldn't go through with it.
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91. You canceled?
Nope.
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92. I didn't want to upset her,
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93. so I had Officer Barnes
tell her I was stabbed to death.
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94. You're a real romantic, Frank.
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95. But everyone needs someone,
even a widower like you.
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96. I'm just not ready
to open myself to love again.
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97. I had them wait to clear
the wreck so you could get eyes on it.
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98. Crash happened
around 4:00 a.m.
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99. Well, there are no skid marks
on the road.
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100. He didn't hit the brakes
before going over.
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101. Drunk?
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102. A little. Just enough
to wake me up.
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103. Fancy car.
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104. Yeah, it's one of those new
EdenTech electric ones.
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105. Electric, huh?
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106. I remember when the only things
that were electric were eels, chairs,
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107. and Catherine Zeta-Jones
in Chicago.
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108. Empty pill bottles.
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109. Who was he?
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110. Simon Davenport, 53 years old.
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111. No wife, no kids.
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112. He's got a sister
out in Hancock Park,
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113. but we don't really know
anything about her other than her name.
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114. Beth Davenport.
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115. Divorced, 5'6", 130 pounds.
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116. Spitfire of a personality.
Self-proclaimed chocoholic.
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117. Likes outdoorsy things but is just as happy
curling up with a good book.
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118. All right. I've seen enough.
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119. Mark it as suicide.
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120. Go ahead!
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121. Bring in the crane!
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122. Oh, my God, it's up!
Wait, I got to see what I got!
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123. Yes, I got it!
Come on, man!
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124. She can't even sing!
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125. Lieutenant?
What's up, Barnes?
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126. Look, I know you're off the bank job, sir,
but I could really use your advice.
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127. Go for it.
Look, it's the strangest thing.
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128. All the thieves had never
met each other
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129. and none of them knew
who they were working for.
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130. Brilliant!
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131. If they don't know anything,
they can't squeal.
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132. Whoever orchestrated
this is very smart.
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133. And get this.
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134. The robbers were told
that they could keep the cash.
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135. Who organizes a bank robbery
and doesn't keep the cash?
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136. They must have been
after something else.
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137. Why don't you bring in
one of the perps?
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138. See if we can
get them talking.
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139. Got it. Thank you.
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140. Heads up, Frank.
You got a visitor.
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141. I told her to wait outside,
but she just walked in.
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142. You want me to get rid of her?
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143. No.
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144. That's okay,
I'll deal with it.
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145. Over here, Lieutenant.
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146. I'd sworn off love
after my wife died,
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147. but this woman was put together
in all the right ways.
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148. Face, head, shoulders,
knees and toes.
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149. Knees and toes
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150. and a bottom that would make
any toilet beg for the brown.
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151. Sorry to keep you waiting, ma'am.
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152. How may I help you?
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153. You're wrong
about Simon Davenport.
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154. He wouldn't commit suicide.
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155. Simon Davenport.
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156. The stiff from the Malibu crash.
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157. That stiff was my brother.
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158. Oh, I mean... he wasn't
that stiff, really.
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159. Not yet.
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160. More floppy and bloated.
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161. No, I mean, I'm so sorry
for your loss.
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162. Please, take a chair.
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163. No, thank you.
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164. I have plenty of chairs at home.
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165. Now, Mrs...
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166. Davenport.
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167. Miss Beth Davenport.
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168. Mr.?
Drebin.
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169. Miss...
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170. Detective Frank Drebin.
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171. Detective, I think
someone murdered Simon.
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172. Really? What makes
you think that?
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173. Well, he called me last night.
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174. He said he was in
some kind of trouble.
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175. So we made plans
to meet this morning.
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176. Does that sound like someone
who's planning to kill themselves?
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177. No, it certainly does not.
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178. Why would someone
do that to him?
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179. Trust me,
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180. there's always a reason
to kill someone.
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181. Did he have an obnoxious laugh?
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182. No.
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183. Forgive me,
I'm just not myself.
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184. That's okay.
I'm not you, either.
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185. Tell me,
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186. what did your brother
do for work?
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187. Computers.
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188. He was a programmer
for Richard Cane.
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189. The genius who's gonna
save the world with his electric cars.
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190. Well, he's the first person
you should talk to.
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191. Then you could check Simon's driving records
and see if they match.
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192. Whoa, whoa. Slow down there.
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193. Excuse me?
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194. Let's just leave the police work
to me, okay?
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195. Oh. I see.
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196. Same old story
with guys like you.
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197. Guys like me?
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198. Stubborn old men who think
they know what's best.
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199. I understand you're upset,
but this is what I do.
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200. If someone did off your brother,
I'll find him.
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201. I appreciate that, Detective.
But Simon was all I had.
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202. So you'll forgive me if I don't just
sit around and hope you do your job.
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203. That's exactly what I expect you to do.
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204. When I have something,
I'll contact you.
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205. I'm doing a series
of book readings this week.
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206. You can find me there.
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207. Book readings?
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208. Yes. I write true-crime novels
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209. based on fictional stories
that I make up.
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210. Yes, well,
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211. you may write about it,
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212. but I live it.
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213. Now, if you'll excuse me,
we're having a birthday party
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214. and I'm the best singer
in the office.
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215. On second thought,
I will take that chair.
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216. Whoa.
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217. I couldn't remember the last time
someone had talked to me like that.
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218. It was the kind of dressing down
you usually have to pay for
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219. in the basement of a laundromat.
But she...
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220. She had the kind of hips
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221. you wanted to put a hula hoop
on and spin.
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222. The kind that made you...
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223. Fellas, do you mind?
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224. I wasn't convinced Simon Davenport
had been murdered.
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225. But the case was starting
to give me an itch.
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226. And when I start to scratch,
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227. I don't stop till I break skin
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228. and the doctor
makes me wear mittens.
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229. Thanks.
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230. Coat check?
Champagne?
Copy !req
231. Richard Cane had made his first fortune
in microprocessors,
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232. and then used it to build a vast
online retail marketplace
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233. and green technology empire.
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234. Then, suddenly,
the bear charges towards me.
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235. I ready my knife,
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236. and he barrels right past me
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237. to a honey hive
above the campsite!
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238. It had been there all along!
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239. And I hadn't seen it.
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240. Ah. You've arrived.
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241. Lieutenant Drebin.
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242. Me, too!
I'm Richard...
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243. Richard Cane.
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244. Please, walk with me.
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245. So, what can you tell me
about Mr. Davenport?
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246. Simon was a brilliant engineer,
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247. and one of our best.
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248. I had no idea
he was so terribly depressed.
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249. Suicide is a dreadful thing.
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250. Possible suicide.
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251. You suspect something foul?
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252. No. A chicken probably
couldn't do this.
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253. But I'm not ruling anything out.
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254. I see.
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255. Was this one of the projects
Simon was working on?
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256. No, what you see here
is a red light therapy machine
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257. proven to increase testosterone.
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258. Did you know that men's sperm count
is at historic lows
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259. across the board?
Fascinating.
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260. I've never put my sperm across a board.
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261. I have an old Bon Jovi T-shirt
for that.
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262. You know, I hope you
don't think it's awkward my saying this,
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263. but I'm actually a big fan of yours.
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264. Is that so?
Yes.
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265. I read about your work
at the bank robbery.
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266. Guys like you are a dying breed.
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267. Guys like me?
Yes, men of action
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268. who don't ask permission
to fix what they know is broken.
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269. I'm surprised to hear
you say that,
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270. coming from someone
who's so into these gadgets.
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271. Oh. You don't enjoy the marvels
of the modern age?
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272. No offense, but the world
was better before.
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273. I agree, but don't tell anyone.
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274. Cigar?
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275. Looks it to me.
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276. No, would you like one?
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277. Smoking indoors?
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278. Care to write me a ticket?
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279. That matchbook.
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280. I've seen it before.
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281. It's the Bengal.
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282. It's a supper club I own
for some of the city's elite.
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283. It's the kind of place where
men can be themselves,
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284. have a few drinks and,
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285. like the Black Eyed Peas
once said:
Copy !req
286. "get retarded in here."
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287. You can still say that word?
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288. In my club, you can.
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289. Well, I love the Black Eyed Peas.
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290. Who doesn't?
I know a few people.
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291. They're fools.
I know.
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292. will.I.am.
apl.de. ap.
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293. Taboo.
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294. Don't forget Fergie.
I would never forget Fergie.
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295. The Dutchess.
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296. Well, if you need anything,
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297. please don't hesitate to call.
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298. Thank you. I'll be in touch.
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299. Uh, it's that way.
Of course.
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300. Why don't we get Mr. Drebin
a little gift for tomorrow?
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301. The EdenVox-1.
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302. Police Squad's first ever
fully automated, self-driving
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303. electric vehicle.
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304. A gift we just received
from Richard Cane.
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305. You must've made some kind of impression
last night, Frank.
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306. Yeah, it would seem so.
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307. Coffee?
Yes, thank you.
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308. Don't be shy, fellas.
Come check it out.
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309. Snug.
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310. All electric.
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311. Zero to sixty in 3.1 seconds.
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312. I guess that's good.
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313. Watch this.
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314. Car, open doors.
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315. Neat trick.
Now you try.
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316. Car...
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317. please, close doors.
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318. Hey!
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319. Pretty fun, I guess.
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320. Okay, how about this? Car...
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321. drive forward 30 feet.
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322. Pretty smooth.
All right.
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323. Impressive.
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324. Hey! Guys?
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325. Freeze!
Don't—
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326. I tell you, this place
is falling apart.
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327. I got half a dozen witnesses
that place you on the scene.
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328. We know you were at the bank!
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329. I'm telling you,
I wasn't there.
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330. Thanks, Park.
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331. This is quite the rap sheet
you've got here.
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332. It says you served 20 years
for "man's laughter".
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333. Must have been quite the joke.
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334. You mean "manslaughter"?
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335. Well...
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336. we know your boss
didn't want cash.
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337. So what was the point of the robbery?
What did he want?
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338. I... wasn't... there.
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339. You think you're so smart.
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340. Well, I think my bodycam
might tell a different story.
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341. Ed?
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342. Technology really
is something.
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343. Police Squad is all about
"transparency" these days.
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344. Dispatch, this is Drebin.
10-7.
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345. Oh, yeah!
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346. A chili dog.
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347. Breakfast of champions.
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348. And a little black coffee.
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349. Okay, you can
fast-forward a bit.
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350. License and registration, please.
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351. This isn't mine.
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352. Excuse me.
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353. Oh, boy. Listen,
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354. you seem like a decent fella.
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355. I'm gonna let you off with a warning.
Have a great day, bye.
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356. It's much later in the day.
Fast-forward a while.
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357. You'll see. Just wait.
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358. I need a bathroom. Oh, God.
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359. Come on, move, move, move!
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360. Focus, Frank, focus.
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361. You got this, you got this.
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362. Maybe a little more.
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363. I'm gonna ruin another suit!
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364. Barnes!
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365. Sorry.
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366. Police business!
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367. There is a line, man!
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368. Come on!
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369. You're disgusting,
you stupid idiot.
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370. Breastfed until you were 13,
you freak.
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371. Can't get it up without
the stench of milk on your chin.
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372. Don't you dare.
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373. Don't do it. Don't eat it!
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374. Oh, God!
Frank.
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375. I had five more that day.
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376. Feel better, Frank?
You better believe it.
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377. Yes!
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378. That's you inside the bank,
plain as day.
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379. Okay, fine.
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380. Whoever we was working for,
they was crazy.
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381. I mean, they just wanted us
to get some safe deposit box.
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382. Safe deposit box.
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383. There. Box 595.
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384. - Ed, check the list.
- Yep.
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385. You're not gonna believe
this one, Frank.
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386. Simon Davenport.
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387. So you're saying,
Copy !req
388. these two cases
Copy !req
389. are one case.
Copy !req
390. Gentlemen, when you joined me
to launch EdenTech,
Copy !req
391. it was with one goal.
Copy !req
392. To save the world.
Copy !req
393. Together, we've created
technologies to rival the Gods.
Copy !req
394. Has the world gotten any better?
Copy !req
395. No. It's only gotten worse.
Copy !req
396. Now, when the Founding Fathers
created this country,
Copy !req
397. they sat in a room like this,
filled with men like us,
Copy !req
398. and birthed an empire.
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399. The USA.
Copy !req
400. Yes, that's right.
Copy !req
401. But as years went by,
Copy !req
402. other people wanted
to get into that room.
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403. Fish people.
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404. What?
Fish people.
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405. Gills on their necks.
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406. I don't—
Like mermen and merwomen.
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407. Mermaids.
Right.
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408. No, stop.
Not fish people.
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409. Ungrateful people.
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410. People that did not earn
their seat at the table.
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411. People not built
like the men in this room.
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412. Crab hands.
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413. They had crab hands
instead of fingers.
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414. Stop! I know what I mean.
So just let me do the talking.
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415. This is a crab-hand person.
I've met him.
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416. Put the phone away!
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417. Now, it is time
for us to admit
Copy !req
418. that the path we are on
is not working.
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419. The system's broken.
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420. And what does one do when
a system is malfunctioning?
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421. You unplug it.
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422. And then,
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423. you plug it in again.
Copy !req
424. I call it the Primordial
Law of Toughness Device.
Copy !req
425. Now let me show you
what it's capable of.
Copy !req
426. Last year, we set up cameras
at the local community center.
Copy !req
427. Decided to run
a little experiment.
Copy !req
428. The question.
Copy !req
429. What would happen
to modern humans
Copy !req
430. if you reverted their psyche
to an original state of nature?
Copy !req
431. When activated, the device
sends an audio frequency
Copy !req
432. that reduces the brain
to its animalistic core.
Copy !req
433. In this case,
the frequency was limited.
Copy !req
434. But next time, it will spread
through every smart device
Copy !req
435. until the entire world is infected.
Copy !req
436. As for us, upon detonation,
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437. we will decamp to one of my
super bunkers around the world
Copy !req
438. where there will be
food and water,
Copy !req
439. and the best live entertainment
the world has to offer.
Copy !req
440. What's up, evil billionaires?
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441. I am so excited
to be doing live shows
Copy !req
442. for as long as it takes,
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443. in the Doomsday Giggle Bunkeroom
Copy !req
444. located in Block 4
of the Arizona District.
Copy !req
445. See you there!
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446. Amish Paradise.
Copy !req
447. And when the embers
have died down,
Copy !req
448. any survivors left
will have earned their place alongside us,
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449. and we will return to a world
Copy !req
450. that is but a blank slate
upon which we can rebuild
Copy !req
451. as the founding fathers
of a new Eden.
Copy !req
452. Gentlemen, lady,
Copy !req
453. this New Year's Eve,
I give you...
Copy !req
454. Project Inferno!
Copy !req
455. It turned out that
Cane's nightclub was only half a mile
Copy !req
456. from where Simon Davenport crashed.
Copy !req
457. And that got me thinking.
Copy !req
458. Maybe he had been there
the night he died.
Copy !req
459. So I hopped into
my new electric cruiser
Copy !req
460. and told it to head to Malibu.
Copy !req
461. Warning.
Please take the wheel.
Copy !req
462. Collision detected.
Please take the wheel.
Copy !req
463. Get out of the road! Move!
Copy !req
464. What's wrong with you people?
Collision detected.
Copy !req
465. What is this city coming to?
Copy !req
466. What can I get you?
Copy !req
467. I was wondering
if you could help me.
Copy !req
468. I'm looking for a friend
who may have been here before.
Copy !req
469. Nah, I haven't seen him.
Copy !req
470. You hardly looked at it.
I saw enough.
Copy !req
471. You don't remember me, do you?
Copy !req
472. Should I?
Copy !req
473. My brother, you shot him
"in the name of justice".
Copy !req
474. That can literally be
thousands of people.
Copy !req
475. Shot him in the back
as he ran away.
Copy !req
476. Hundreds.
Unarmed.
Copy !req
477. At least 50.
He was white.
Copy !req
478. So you're
Tony Roiland's brother!
Copy !req
479. That's right.
Copy !req
480. How is old Tony?
Are you serious?
Copy !req
481. Bad.
Copy !req
482. Right.
Copy !req
483. So, your friend,
maybe I have seen him.
Copy !req
484. Maybe I haven't.
Copy !req
485. I can't remember.
Copy !req
486. - You can't remember, huh?
- Nah.
Copy !req
487. Well, maybe
this'll jog your memory.
Copy !req
488. That's better. Remember now?
Copy !req
489. Yeah, I remember.
Copy !req
490. He sat in a corner booth.
He had a drink.
Copy !req
491. But that's all I know.
Copy !req
492. Where do they keep
surveillance footage?
Copy !req
493. In the back.
Copy !req
494. But even I'm not
allowed in there.
Copy !req
495. Thank you.
Copy !req
496. And there
she was again.
Copy !req
497. I had to admit,
she was beautiful.
Copy !req
498. She had a body
that carried her head around,
Copy !req
499. and a butt that seemed to say:
Copy !req
500. "Hello, I'm a talking butt".
Copy !req
501. Elegant? Yeah, I'd say so.
Copy !req
502. But like a teenager
with three babysitting jobs,
Copy !req
503. I didn't need another
babysitting job.
Copy !req
504. Hello, Lieutenant.
Copy !req
505. What the hell
are you doing here?
Copy !req
506. I'm doing
the same thing you are.
Copy !req
507. I told you I wasn't gonna
sit around and wait.
Copy !req
508. Listen, this isn't
one of your stories.
Copy !req
509. Average civilian women
don't suddenly solve crimes.
Copy !req
510. You read my book.
Copy !req
511. What'd you think?
Copy !req
512. I think it's a fantasy.
Copy !req
513. A woman puts on
a wig and sunglasses
Copy !req
514. and suddenly she's an assassin?
Copy !req
515. But did you enjoy it?
Copy !req
516. It had some good parts.
Copy !req
517. Lieutenant Drebin.
Copy !req
518. Does he know
you're Simon's sister?
Copy !req
519. No.
Good. Let's keep it that way.
Copy !req
520. What a wonderful surprise.
Copy !req
521. Fine, thank you.
Copy !req
522. Beautiful place
you've got here.
Copy !req
523. Can't smell
the dead animals at all.
Copy !req
524. Thank you.
Copy !req
525. Can I get you a drink?
Copy !req
526. Just water. And sparkling.
Copy !req
527. And who is
this stunning creature?
Copy !req
528. I don't believe we've met.
Copy !req
529. Well, I'm—
Uh, th... this is Miss...
Copy !req
530. Cherry...
Copy !req
531. Roosevelt...
Copy !req
532. Fat Bozo Chowing Spaghetti.
Copy !req
533. What an interesting name.
Yes.
Copy !req
534. Thank you.
Copy !req
535. So, Lieutenant,
what brings you here?
Copy !req
536. I was hoping you could let me
take a look at your security footage.
Copy !req
537. May I ask why?
Copy !req
538. Go right ahead.
Copy !req
539. Unfortunately, I can't
show you security footage.
Copy !req
540. Our members trust
that we will provide them
Copy !req
541. with the highest level of privacy.
Copy !req
542. I hope you understand.
Copy !req
543. I'm starting to.
Copy !req
544. Well, thank you so much
for the drink.
Copy !req
545. It's getting late.
We really must be going.
Copy !req
546. So soon?
Copy !req
547. I hope you're not leaving,
too, Miss Spaghetti.
Copy !req
548. Oh, well, I—
Yes, she's leaving, too.
Copy !req
549. Early morning
at Disneyland tomorrow.
Copy !req
550. She's one of those Disney adults.
Copy !req
551. Obsessed, really.
Her bed is covered in dolls.
Copy !req
552. Miss Spaghetti,
please stay for a drink.
Copy !req
553. You don't mind,
do you, Drebin?
Copy !req
554. Be my guest.
Copy !req
555. Wonderful. I'll get a table.
Copy !req
556. You get the footage,
I'll keep him occupied.
Copy !req
557. I'm... Absolutely not!
Copy !req
558. Thank you.
Copy !req
559. Wow. This place is amazing.
Copy !req
560. Thank you.
Copy !req
561. Miss Spaghetti,
may I speak freely?
Copy !req
562. I'd prefer English.
Copy !req
563. You're much too sophisticated
Copy !req
564. for the likes of Frank Drebin.
Copy !req
565. Oh. I'm not with Drebin.
Copy !req
566. Oh. Well, that's wonderful news!
Copy !req
567. Cheers.
Copy !req
568. From Bill Cosby's private estate.
Copy !req
569. That hurt!
Copy !req
570. Shoot!
Copy !req
571. Mom, Mom,
now is not a good time.
Copy !req
572. Mom, please,
I'll call you back.
Copy !req
573. I got to go. I got to go.
I got to go now.
Copy !req
574. So, tell me,
Copy !req
575. what have you been
working on lately?
Copy !req
576. Oh, let's not talk about work.
Let's talk about play.
Copy !req
577. Do you like jazz,
Miss Spaghetti?
Copy !req
578. Like it?
Copy !req
579. I love it.
I love it.
Copy !req
580. Sir...
Copy !req
581. We've got a problem.
Copy !req
582. Not now.
Copy !req
583. No, it's quite...
Not now.
Copy !req
584. Yes, sir.
Copy !req
585. This one's for my
electric new friend,
Copy !req
586. Richard Cane.
Copy !req
587. Wow!
Copy !req
588. Sassafras Chickenin D.
Copy !req
589. Make it extra lumpy, boys.
Copy !req
590. I've always said
fighting is a lot like jazz music.
Copy !req
591. A scat-like improv
Copy !req
592. where one lets imagination
take control of their body.
Copy !req
593. I'm fine.
Copy !req
594. Yeah!
Copy !req
595. There's two things I love.
My stay-at-home girlfriend
Copy !req
596. and Gorilla Nut...
Come on.
Copy !req
597. enhanced drink
supplement for men.
Copy !req
598. Don't follow fad diets
and fake workouts.
Copy !req
599. You want to get ripped?
Copy !req
600. All you need is Muscle Slime.
Rub it on and—
Copy !req
601. Well, look at that.
Copy !req
602. And who are you, my secret
eavesdropping friend?
Copy !req
603. Douglas O'Reilly,
investigative journalist,
Copy !req
604. L.A. Chronicle.
Copy !req
605. Shoot.
Copy !req
606. It seems Mr. Drebin
might be more of a problem than we thought.
Copy !req
607. I want you to keep an eye on him.
Copy !req
608. And make sure he doesn't cause
any more distractions.
Copy !req
609. Yes, sir.
Copy !req
610. Davis. This better be good.
Copy !req
611. He did what?
Copy !req
612. Get me Drebin this instant!
Copy !req
613. Ma'am, I'm so sorry,
but you have to listen to me.
Copy !req
614. There's something deeper
going on here.
Copy !req
615. You wake up
my husband, I swear to God...
Copy !req
616. I'm sorry.
What the hell were you thinking, Drebin?
Copy !req
617. Richard Cane is a very powerful man.
Copy !req
618. And he makes a lot of hefty
donations to this city,
Copy !req
619. including the new car
you're driving.
Copy !req
620. Richard Cane is dirty.
Copy !req
621. He's involved with
the Simon Davenport murder.
Copy !req
622. And by the way,
the bank job, too!
Copy !req
623. You're still working
the bank job?
Copy !req
624. That's it.
You're suspended!
Copy !req
625. Suspended?
Copy !req
626. What did I say
about waking Ronald?
Copy !req
627. He has a Fitzgerald
presentation tomorrow.
Copy !req
628. And if Morimoto doesn't
accept his vertical-integration pitch,
Copy !req
629. Bill Cantor will leapfrog him
for the third year in a row.
Copy !req
630. But Ronald trained Bill.
Exactly!
Copy !req
631. I've got no choice.
Copy !req
632. I'm putting you on ice.
Two weeks.
Copy !req
633. Effective immediately.
Copy !req
634. Now get out.
Copy !req
635. We're all rooting for you, Ronald.
Copy !req
636. Give 'em hell tomorrow.
Copy !req
637. Rough night?
Copy !req
638. It's you.
Copy !req
639. Now tell me.
What'd you see on the security footage?
Copy !req
640. Listen. I feel for you.
I really do.
Copy !req
641. But I had to beat up
a lot of henchmen tonight.
Copy !req
642. Men with daughters!
Copy !req
643. Oh, come on. You wouldn't
even have seen it if I didn't help you.
Copy !req
644. Help me? That's rich.
Copy !req
645. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm tired, I'm hungry.
Copy !req
646. Goodnight, Miss Davenport.
Copy !req
647. What if we had
a little dinner, together?
Copy !req
648. I sure could go for a
Copy !req
649. bite.
Copy !req
650. Slow down, chef.
This turkey burns at 450.
Copy !req
651. How hot was I cooking?
About a thousand.
Copy !req
652. Turkey needs slow and low.
Copy !req
653. Unless you like your center pink.
Copy !req
654. I love my centers pink.
Copy !req
655. You're not worried
the rare meat will ruin a good stuffing?
Copy !req
656. As long as you don't mind
if I get salmonella.
Copy !req
657. Mind it? I prefer it.
Copy !req
658. I like a sick little boy.
Copy !req
659. You're not gonna stop
hounding me, are you?
Copy !req
660. Not for a second.
Copy !req
661. Thank you.
Copy !req
662. Uh... excuse the mess.
Copy !req
663. I
Copy !req
664. haven't had
the heart to clean
Copy !req
665. since my wife died.
Copy !req
666. My condolences.
How did she pass?
Copy !req
667. Great. Fifty yards easy.
Copy !req
668. Arm like a cannon.
Copy !req
669. And then she died.
Copy !req
670. So we'll never know
if she could've gone pro.
Copy !req
671. She was the sweetest woman
I've ever known.
Copy !req
672. She sounds like a saint.
Copy !req
673. Or maybe a Bronco or a 49er.
Copy !req
674. We would've been happy
with any team, really.
Copy !req
675. Anyone but the Browns.
Copy !req
676. That's quite a view you have.
Copy !req
677. You know, I've been drawn to the hills
ever since I moved here for college.
Copy !req
678. UCLA?
Copy !req
679. I see it every day.
I live here.
Copy !req
680. I'm afraid I don't
have much to offer.
Copy !req
681. However...
Copy !req
682. All that turkey talk outside
Copy !req
683. got me in the
Thanksgiving mood.
Copy !req
684. I think I have a full turkey
around here somewhere.
Copy !req
685. But my oven is filthy.
Copy !req
686. I don't mind.
I like a dirty bird.
Copy !req
687. You weren't lying.
This oven is disgusting!
Copy !req
688. It sure was fun to talk
about a dirty bird, but...
Copy !req
689. it would be unsanitary.
Copy !req
690. Oops.
Copy !req
691. Well, hot brine
is the most important part.
Copy !req
692. It sure is.
Copy !req
693. This is my Buster.
Copy !req
694. He must've smelled
what's going on.
Copy !req
695. Silly dog, that's not for you.
Copy !req
696. Okay.
Copy !req
697. He's so strong.
Copy !req
698. Put that down.
Copy !req
699. How about some
nice scratches instead?
Copy !req
700. Yes.
Copy !req
701. Wow.
Copy !req
702. I don't like this.
Copy !req
703. Oh, your hair. May I?
Copy !req
704. Yes.
Copy !req
705. That's better.
Copy !req
706. Is this crazy?
Copy !req
707. It's been a long time.
Copy !req
708. I'm afraid I may have
forgotten how to kiss.
Copy !req
709. Oh, wow.
Copy !req
710. How beautiful.
Copy !req
711. After a relaxing
weekend away with Beth...
Copy !req
712. Not again!
Copy !req
713. it was time to
get back to the case.
Copy !req
714. So I called the
L.A. Chronicle news desk
Copy !req
715. to follow up
on Douglas O'Reilly,
Copy !req
716. but was informed that
he hadn't made it into work.
Copy !req
717. So I headed to his apartment.
Copy !req
718. Douglas O'Reilly?
Copy !req
719. Lieutenant Frank Drebin here,
Police Squad.
Copy !req
720. Hello?
Copy !req
721. Anyone home?
Copy !req
722. Oh, no.
Copy !req
723. Hey, Douglas, I stepped in
some kind of red liquid!
Copy !req
724. You got any paper towels?
Copy !req
725. I'm dragging it
all over your place.
Copy !req
726. I picked up
your knife for you!
Copy !req
727. Where do you want it?
Copy !req
728. Lieutenant Frank Drebin.
Copy !req
729. I did it.
Copy !req
730. Okay.
Copy !req
731. O'Reilly, that you?
Copy !req
732. O'Reilly?
Copy !req
733. And that's when it hit me.
Copy !req
734. Like an idiot's
finished jigsaw puzzle,
Copy !req
735. I was being framed.
Copy !req
736. I needed to clean
the crime scene.
Copy !req
737. No body, no crime.
Copy !req
738. Hiding the body was
no longer an option.
Copy !req
739. Freeze!
Copy !req
740. It's not what it looks like!
Copy !req
741. He's running!
Copy !req
742. Car, drive.
Copy !req
743. Thank you, car.
Copy !req
744. What the...
Copy !req
745. Car, stop it.
Copy !req
746. I said stop!
Copy !req
747. Hello, Drebin.
Mind if I take the wheel?
Copy !req
748. Cane. What's going on?
Copy !req
749. I've taken control of the car.
Copy !req
750. It's a little trick I have
Copy !req
751. for when I want to fix mistakes.
Copy !req
752. So that's how Davenport died.
Copy !req
753. He didn't drive himself
off a cliff, you did.
Copy !req
754. Now you're getting
somewhere, Detective.
Copy !req
755. But not before he spilled
your secrets to that reporter.
Copy !req
756. So you went
and killed him, too.
Copy !req
757. I didn't kill him, Frank.
You did.
Copy !req
758. You're the crazy cop
who stabbed the reporter
Copy !req
759. and then drove himself
into the ocean.
Copy !req
760. The hell I am.
Copy !req
761. There's no escape, Drebin.
Copy !req
762. I'm just a little sad
that you won't be there
Copy !req
763. to see what I have in store
when the New Year's Eve balls drop.
Copy !req
764. Well. Have a nice trip.
Copy !req
765. Hi, Susan.
Copy !req
766. Move! Move, move!
Copy !req
767. Bees?
Copy !req
768. No. No. No!
Copy !req
769. Move! Out of the way! Move!
Copy !req
770. What? Open the doors!
Copy !req
771. You got it!
Copy !req
772. Frank! Are you okay?
Where are you?
Copy !req
773. Never mind that.
I know how Simon Davenport was killed.
Copy !req
774. It was Richard Cane.
He drove him off the cliff.
Copy !req
775. Well, there's a warrant out
for your arrest.
Copy !req
776. They're claiming that
you killed a reporter.
Copy !req
777. Say it isn't so.
Copy !req
778. It ain't so, Ed.
Copy !req
779. There's another thing, Frank.
Copy !req
780. The mayor got wind
of this whole mess
Copy !req
781. and they're pulling our funding.
What?
Copy !req
782. Police Squad is shut down
effective immediately.
Copy !req
783. This is all because of me.
I'll fix this.
Copy !req
784. Do me a favor, Frank. Lay low.
You got it.
Copy !req
785. Thank you, Ed.
Copy !req
786. Excuse me, do you have
a phone I could use?
Copy !req
787. Thanks.
Copy !req
788. As soon as I could,
Copy !req
789. I called Beth to
break her the news.
Copy !req
790. It wasn't easy, but I hoped
it would bring her some peace.
Copy !req
791. Thanks.
Copy !req
792. What the hell, man?
Copy !req
793. Frank.
Copy !req
794. Thank you.
Copy !req
795. God, you're hurt.
It's nothing.
Copy !req
796. Don't be silly. Come in.
Copy !req
797. This is all I could find.
Copy !req
798. Might sting a bit.
Copy !req
799. Go for it.
Copy !req
800. It's okay. Keep going.
Okay.
Copy !req
801. Cane said he had something big
in store tomorrow for New Year's Eve.
Copy !req
802. I'm willing to bet it's whatever Simon
was trying to warn us about.
Copy !req
803. What do you mean, something big?
Copy !req
804. I don't know.
Copy !req
805. But people could be in danger.
Copy !req
806. I see.
Copy !req
807. Frank, I have a confession.
Copy !req
808. When my brother called me
before he died,
Copy !req
809. he told me some things
that I haven't told you.
Copy !req
810. Go on.
Copy !req
811. He told me he was working
on some kind of therapeutic device.
Copy !req
812. Something to calm people down.
Copy !req
813. But he was worried now that someone
could use it to do the opposite.
Copy !req
814. Calm people up?
He didn't say.
Copy !req
815. He just told me that if anything
were to happen to him,
Copy !req
816. I needed to do
whatever it took to stop the device.
Copy !req
817. Those were his last words to me.
Copy !req
818. So that's why you inserted yourself
into my investigation.
Copy !req
819. Well, at first.
Copy !req
820. And that's why you showed up
at the Bengal Club.
Copy !req
821. Yes.
Copy !req
822. - And that's why you pretended to love me.
- No!
Copy !req
823. Frank...
Copy !req
824. No, how could you say that?
Copy !req
825. I can't believe I opened myself up
to love again.
Copy !req
826. I wrote that whole song about it.
I rented studio space!
Copy !req
827. Don't go, please.
Copy !req
828. Frank, please.
Copy !req
829. Look at me.
Copy !req
830. What is that?
Copy !req
831. What?
Copy !req
832. That.
Copy !req
833. That's my TiVo
that I lent you yesterday
Copy !req
834. so that you could watch
season one of Buffy.
Copy !req
835. So that you could start
getting my references.
Copy !req
836. I know that, Frank.
Copy !req
837. And I specifically told you
not to plug it into the internet.
Copy !req
838. - Oh.
- "Oh?"
Copy !req
839. That's an Ethernet cord
Copy !req
840. going from my TiVo
directly into your router,
Copy !req
841. where the internet comes from!
Copy !req
842. I was just trying to plug it
into the electricity.
Copy !req
843. And now they might be expired.
Copy !req
844. That means gone!
Copy !req
845. No musical special.
Copy !req
846. No Xander. No Spike.
No Cordelia Chase.
Copy !req
847. No Daniel "Oz" Osbourne.
Copy !req
848. No Willow-meets-her-doppelganger
episode. Nothing!
Copy !req
849. Sorry, I didn't know
they were so—
Copy !req
850. Frank, we're in the middle
of an important—
Copy !req
851. Just stand there.
Copy !req
852. They're gone!
Copy !req
853. It's okay.
It's just the landline.
Copy !req
854. I'll get it.
Copy !req
855. Hello.
Copy !req
856. It's Ed. I've got something.
Copy !req
857. Okay.
Copy !req
858. I'll be right there.
Copy !req
859. Ed had dug through
the bank footage
Copy !req
860. and identified a man
who'd slipped out the back,
Copy !req
861. who also happened to be
Cane's head of security and right-hand man.
Copy !req
862. If anyone knew Cane's plan,
it would be him.
Copy !req
863. We needed to get him alone
and put the squeeze on.
Copy !req
864. But we had to do it
in our own way,
Copy !req
865. off the books.
We're on our way now.
Copy !req
866. You're not my normal driver.
Copy !req
867. This isn't my normal car.
Copy !req
868. That's not my normal gas.
Copy !req
869. This isn't the normal way
I fall asleep.
Copy !req
870. Hello, doctor?
He's waking up.
Copy !req
871. What day is it?
January 2nd.
Copy !req
872. You've been here
for three days.
Copy !req
873. Three days?
Copy !req
874. What the...
Copy !req
875. Can you turn that up, please?
Copy !req
876. That won't be necessary, nurse.
Copy !req
877. Hello, Mr. Gustafson.
Copy !req
878. You!
Copy !req
879. Surprised to see me?
Copy !req
880. Your little plan,
it didn't work out.
Copy !req
881. We stopped it.
The good guys won.
Copy !req
882. Cane's in jail.
Copy !req
883. And here's the bad news for you.
He's singing.
Copy !req
884. He told us you killed Simon Davenport
and that reporter.
Copy !req
885. There's talk you might
get the chair for this.
Copy !req
886. - You're lying.
- Am I?
Copy !req
887. Then tell me
what really happened.
Copy !req
888. Yeah, right.
Copy !req
889. Tough guy, huh?
Copy !req
890. You know what happens
to big pretty boys like you in San Quentin?
Copy !req
891. Ooh! They're gonna love you.
Copy !req
892. What are you talking about?
Copy !req
893. Oh, yeah.
I've seen it a hundred times.
Copy !req
894. Massive cutie pie like you?
You'll be very popular.
Copy !req
895. First day in, probably have
your mugshot go viral online.
Copy !req
896. The "sexy jailbird".
Copy !req
897. Congrats, you're famous.
Copy !req
898. Okay.
Copy !req
899. Then one day, your new fan army
finds a legal loophole,
Copy !req
900. and suddenly, you're free!
You're back on the streets!
Copy !req
901. That's... That's not bad.
Copy !req
902. Only now,
you've got an image to uphold.
Copy !req
903. The "sexy jailbird".
Copy !req
904. Say goodbye to carbs.
Hello, intermittent fasting.
Copy !req
905. You like ramen?
Well, it's all broth for you, baby!
Copy !req
906. Not to mention,
there's a new sexy jailbird now.
Copy !req
907. And he's all about body positivity.
Copy !req
908. He's eating burgers
on the prison Instagram
Copy !req
909. while you're starving to death.
No.
Copy !req
910. But your brand is skinny.
You can't change course now!
Copy !req
911. So you decide to end it.
Copy !req
912. Bang! Bullet in the head!
Copy !req
913. I wouldn't do that.
But you miss.
Copy !req
914. You only get the part of the brain
that regulates farts.
Copy !req
915. No.
Now you're a new meme,
Copy !req
916. "farting guy".
Is that what you want?
Copy !req
917. To be "farting guy"?
No.
Copy !req
918. - Come on, tell me, farting guy!
- No. No.
Copy !req
919. You love it!
No!
Copy !req
920. Tell me! You love it!
Stop it!
Copy !req
921. It was all Cane's plan!
It wasn't my plan!
Copy !req
922. What was?
Copy !req
923. He wanted to blast a frequency
Copy !req
924. that would infect people's brains
and turn them into savages.
Copy !req
925. And where was he gonna do that?
At the WWFC fight.
Copy !req
926. Downtown, midnight.
Copy !req
927. Where was he gonna
put the device?
Copy !req
928. In the New Year's balls.
Copy !req
929. The balls.
Copy !req
930. Hey... where you going?
Copy !req
931. I want a lawyer, okay?
Copy !req
932. I'm sorry that we framed you!
I'm sorry!
Copy !req
933. Did you get all that?
Every word.
Copy !req
934. We don't have much time.
It's only 90 minutes till New Year's.
Copy !req
935. What? What is happening?
Copy !req
936. How is getting
a confession like this legal?
Copy !req
937. Sometimes to get the job done,
you have to break the law.
Copy !req
938. I do it all the time.
Copy !req
939. Did we get all that?
We got it.
Copy !req
940. Internal Affairs.
Copy !req
941. You're under arrest for
the illegal detainment of Sig Gustafson.
Copy !req
942. No!
Ah! So you set me up. Impressive.
Copy !req
943. Just one thing,
Copy !req
944. how were you able to build
these sets so quickly?
Copy !req
945. I just told
some city contractors
Copy !req
946. that I'd pull their licenses
if they didn't help us.
Copy !req
947. Did you get all that?
Loud and clear.
Copy !req
948. Hector Gutierrez, Department
of Occupational Safety and Health.
Copy !req
949. Officer Barnes,
you are under arrest.
Copy !req
950. What are you doing?
Copy !req
951. Five minutes down.
Copy !req
952. There is the horn
signifying the end of round one.
Copy !req
953. This crowd is not happy, Jon.
Copy !req
954. All right, very exciting stuff,
Copy !req
955. but we are now thrilled
to be joined in the broadcast booth
Copy !req
956. by one of the most vicious
bare-knuckle brawlers
Copy !req
957. from the first season of WWFC,
Copy !req
958. Dan "The Bloody Widowmaker"
Daly. Welcome, Dan.
Copy !req
959. It's weird.
Copy !req
960. I... I left my wife at home
and she was wearing makeup.
Copy !req
961. Said she didn't have any plans.
Copy !req
962. What do you think that's about?
Copy !req
963. - I don't know.
- Me, neither.
Copy !req
964. And of course,
none of this would be possible
Copy !req
965. without tonight's sponsor,
Copy !req
966. EdenTech's Richard Cane.
Copy !req
967. The boys in the lab loaned me
these special earplugs.
Copy !req
968. They block digital frequency.
Copy !req
969. So if that bomb does go off,
we're protected.
Copy !req
970. Nice work.
Copy !req
971. Now, where's Cane?
Copy !req
972. Cane is in the skybox.
Copy !req
973. And what about backup?
There is no backup.
Copy !req
974. What?
You're wanted for murder.
Copy !req
975. But Gustafson confessed.
Copy !req
976. We coerced him.
Copy !req
977. Haven't you ever heard
of the Miranda rights?
Copy !req
978. What? I'm pretty sure
it's Carrie that writes.
Copy !req
979. Miranda is a lawyer.
Copy !req
980. Charlotte's an art dealer.
And Samantha's a whore.
Copy !req
981. What? What is it?
Copy !req
982. I've been trying to call Beth for hours.
She's not picking up.
Copy !req
983. I just hope she's okay.
Copy !req
984. Live
Copy !req
985. from scary downtown Los Angeles,
Copy !req
986. this is the main event
of the evening!
Copy !req
987. Yeah.
Copy !req
988. - Sir?
- Yes?
Copy !req
989. Oh! Please.
Copy !req
990. Can I help you?
Copy !req
991. Remember me?
Copy !req
992. Hello, Miss Cherry Roosevelt
Fat Bozo Chowing Spaghetti.
Copy !req
993. - I love your new look.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
994. Please. Join me.
Copy !req
995. Ladies and gentlemen!
Copy !req
996. It's
Copy !req
997. time!
Copy !req
998. Check, check.
I'm on my way to the balls.
Copy !req
999. Okay, Frank, comms working.
Copy !req
1000. I'm in position.
We have 25 minutes.
Copy !req
1001. Hey, one beer, please.
Copy !req
1002. We're closed.
Copy !req
1003. Man, come on.
One beer's not gonna kill you.
Copy !req
1004. One beer.
Copy !req
1005. Get lost.
Copy !req
1006. How much?
Copy !req
1007. It's free. Just get
the hell out of here.
Copy !req
1008. Ed, do you hear me?
I can hear you, Frank.
Copy !req
1009. Uh-oh. I think one of
Cane's goons is up there.
Come in, Ed.
Copy !req
1010. Frank, can you hear me?
Check, check.
Copy !req
1011. Somebody's up there, Frank!
A guy is up there, Frank!
Copy !req
1012. Oh, God!
Copy !req
1013. What's that, Ed?
Copy !req
1014. Never mind.
Copy !req
1015. Gentlemen, we've been
over the rules in the back.
Copy !req
1016. I expect you to fight clean,
fight hard, fight fair.
Copy !req
1017. All right, the tension
in this arena is palpable.
Copy !req
1018. The moment of truth
is here, folks.
Copy !req
1019. Straight to voicemail.
I'll bet she's with Gary.
Copy !req
1020. Let me use your phone.
She won't know your number.
Copy !req
1021. You ready?
Let's get it on!
Copy !req
1022. Yeah! Let's go!
Copy !req
1023. God, I love this.
Copy !req
1024. Come on!
Copy !req
1025. Wunderbar!
Copy !req
1026. Read any good books lately,
Miss "Spaghetti"?
Copy !req
1027. Or should I say, Miss Davenport?
Copy !req
1028. I especially like the part
where the erudite housewife
Copy !req
1029. transforms herself into
a would-be assassin seeking revenge,
Copy !req
1030. hiding a
Copy !req
1031. gun
Copy !req
1032. in her garter belt.
Copy !req
1033. And another
Copy !req
1034. in the small of her back.
Copy !req
1035. And a
Copy !req
1036. shotgun
Copy !req
1037. in her beautiful
Copy !req
1038. brunette wig.
Copy !req
1039. Tie her up.
Copy !req
1040. Okay, Ed... I'm at the balls.
Copy !req
1041. I'm gonna look for the device.
Copy !req
1042. Nice work, Frank.
Copy !req
1043. Hey, you got free beer?
Copy !req
1044. No, there's not free—
Copy !req
1045. Oh, boy.
Copy !req
1046. It's got to be
in here somewhere.
Copy !req
1047. Ed, come in.
Copy !req
1048. Go on, take it and go.
Copy !req
1049. Frank, can you hear me?
Copy !req
1050. Coker lands
a brutal knee to the chest!
Copy !req
1051. I think I see it, Ed.
Copy !req
1052. All right, it looks as though
we're having some technical difficulties
Copy !req
1053. with the New Year's Eve ball.
Copy !req
1054. I can't quite reach.
Copy !req
1055. Look at this!
Copy !req
1056. The pants are off!
Copy !req
1057. What the hell is going on?
Copy !req
1058. All right.
I believe the TV networks
Copy !req
1059. have blurred
what's happening here.
Copy !req
1060. So for those of you back home,
I will try to paint a picture.
Copy !req
1061. The legs themselves
are pale and white,
Copy !req
1062. sprinkled with
cinnamon soft hair.
Copy !req
1063. Now turning our gaze
to the middle,
Copy !req
1064. where we find something
quite magnificent.
Copy !req
1065. The main event, if you will.
Copy !req
1066. A grand bratwurst,
Copy !req
1067. fit for the Imperial Court
of the Kaiser himself.
Copy !req
1068. Or maybe a loaf
of unbaked bread
Copy !req
1069. wearing an afro wig.
Copy !req
1070. I got it.
I got it, Ed.
Copy !req
1071. Okay,
I'm gonna get out.
Copy !req
1072. Drebin.
Copy !req
1073. All right, get security
down there now!
Copy !req
1074. Nothing to see here, folks!
Copy !req
1075. Police business.
Please, carry on.
Copy !req
1076. All right, buddy, time to go.
Copy !req
1077. Now listen to me good.
Copy !req
1078. My name is Frank Drebin.
From Police Squad.
Copy !req
1079. Drebin!
Copy !req
1080. This event is now over.
Copy !req
1081. Everyone vacate
the premises immediately.
Copy !req
1082. Now!
Copy !req
1083. Okay, playtime's over.
Give me the mic.
Copy !req
1084. Don't take another step, buddy!
That's it.
Copy !req
1085. Buffer goes down!
Copy !req
1086. You like watching
a real man kick ass?
Copy !req
1087. Frank, get the hell out of there!
You've got company!
Copy !req
1088. All right.
Goodbye, everyone.
Copy !req
1089. Have a good night.
Copy !req
1090. All right, you, you, come with me.
Copy !req
1091. Tell everybody to put in
their frequency plugs.
Copy !req
1092. And her, too.
Copy !req
1093. We don't want her
going crazy in here, do we?
Copy !req
1094. What do you see, Frank?
Copy !req
1095. The device
has some lights on it.
Copy !req
1096. Various holes.
Weighs about
Copy !req
1097. two-and-a-half chili dogs.
Copy !req
1098. It's got some sort of timer on it
synced up to midnight.
Copy !req
1099. Hello, Detective.
Copy !req
1100. Easy now.
Let's have it.
Copy !req
1101. Stop right there.
Copy !req
1102. Don't do it.
Make one more move,
Copy !req
1103. and I'll blow its freaking
computer brains all over this floor!
Copy !req
1104. Think about it, Drebin.
Copy !req
1105. Everything I'm doing
is for guys like us.
Copy !req
1106. - Guys like us?
- Yes.
Copy !req
1107. Powerful, righteous men,
who actually give a damn.
Copy !req
1108. Come on, Frank,
Copy !req
1109. you said it yourself.
"The world was better before."
Copy !req
1110. What have you done?
Copy !req
1111. Get out! Shh! Quiet!
Copy !req
1112. "Four wheels move the body,
two wheels move the soul."
Copy !req
1113. All right.
It's a famous quote I got from
Copy !req
1114. Quotes.com.
Copy !req
1115. - Hey, boss!
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1116. What do you want me
to do with her?
Copy !req
1117. Leave her here.
She'll be dead by morning.
Copy !req
1118. You fellas know how to ride, right?
Copy !req
1119. Let's do it! Yeah!
Copy !req
1120. Hold on.
Copy !req
1121. Whoa! Whoopsie.
Go, go, go. No!
Copy !req
1122. Look at this!
Copy !req
1123. Stay back!
I don't want to hurt you.
Copy !req
1124. To the bunker, gentlemen!
Copy !req
1125. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Copy !req
1126. Daddy?
Copy !req
1127. Help me, Daddy.
What do we do?
Copy !req
1128. Come on! Weird Al's waiting!
Copy !req
1129. Γιούχου!
Just like old times.
Copy !req
1130. Come on!
Copy !req
1131. Let me get this guy first.
Copy !req
1132. Got him!
Okay, this guy on the right.
Copy !req
1133. Come on, Daddy,
enough playing around.
Copy !req
1134. Thanks.
Copy !req
1135. That's him! A little lower.
Copy !req
1136. Okay, here.
Copy !req
1137. You've got a clear shot.
Copy !req
1138. Take it!
Copy !req
1139. Whoa! That was so much!
Copy !req
1140. You still got it, Daddy.
Copy !req
1141. Thank you, Daddy!
Copy !req
1142. I'm proud of you, son.
Copy !req
1143. You see what you've done, Cane?
Copy !req
1144. It's not too late
to stop this madness!
Copy !req
1145. This isn't madness, Drebin.
Copy !req
1146. This is progress!
Copy !req
1147. Progress?
Copy !req
1148. The needs of the few should never outweigh
the needs of the many.
Copy !req
1149. There was a time
when you knew that.
Copy !req
1150. So it's come to this.
Copy !req
1151. The culmination of our journey.
Copy !req
1152. All this... this stuff
that's taken place
Copy !req
1153. between you and me!
Copy !req
1154. This...
Thanks, Dave. I got it from here.
Copy !req
1155. I'm so sorry.
I messed up the lines a little bit.
Copy !req
1156. No problem. You did great.
Yeah.
Copy !req
1157. See you Sunday?
See you Sunday.
Copy !req
1158. Okay, Cane!
Copy !req
1159. Please, no!
Get off me!
Copy !req
1160. Stop! I'm not even in this movie!
Copy !req
1161. Somebody!
Copy !req
1162. Anyway, look at us!
Isn't this beautiful?
Copy !req
1163. Exactly as nature intended.
Copy !req
1164. Two great Kodiak bears,
facing one another
Copy !req
1165. in an epic battle for dominance.
Copy !req
1166. If it's a fight you want...
very well.
Copy !req
1167. You hit my belly!
You hit the soft part of my belly!
Copy !req
1168. What the hell?
Copy !req
1169. Have you ever actually been
in a fight before?
Copy !req
1170. Yeah! I have.
Copy !req
1171. Oh, my God.
I think I'm gonna barf.
Copy !req
1172. Is that normal?
Copy !req
1173. Do you want to keep fighting?
Copy !req
1174. What? No!
Copy !req
1175. My tummy still hurts a lot!
Copy !req
1176. Then, in that case,
Copy !req
1177. I'm gonna arrest you.
Copy !req
1178. You can't arrest me.
You still didn't catch me.
Copy !req
1179. There's nowhere to run!
Copy !req
1180. I won't be running.
Copy !req
1181. I'll be flying.
Copy !req
1182. Richard Cane,
Copy !req
1183. you're under arrest.
Copy !req
1184. He won't be hurting
anyone anymore.
Copy !req
1185. It's over.
Copy !req
1186. Not for me, it isn't.
Copy !req
1187. No. Please.
Copy !req
1188. Think about this, Beth.
Copy !req
1189. Killing him
won't fix anything.
Copy !req
1190. Why should I let him live?
Copy !req
1191. It won't bring Simon back.
Copy !req
1192. You don't know that for sure.
Copy !req
1193. You're right.
Anything is possible.
Copy !req
1194. But you have to let
the justice system do its job.
Copy !req
1195. That's rich, coming from you.
Copy !req
1196. The truth is, Beth,
Copy !req
1197. once you kill a man for revenge,
there's no going back.
Copy !req
1198. It stays with you forever,
following you like a shadow.
Copy !req
1199. A voice in your head
saying over and over,
Copy !req
1200. "Man, that was awesome!"
Copy !req
1201. So, put the gun down.
Copy !req
1202. If not for me, then for us.
Copy !req
1203. For our future together.
Copy !req
1204. I love you, Beth.
Copy !req
1205. Don't throw it all away
for a few seconds of
Copy !req
1206. the best feeling
you would ever have in your life.
Copy !req
1207. Go ahead.
Copy !req
1208. Do it.
Copy !req
1209. I love you.
I love you.
Copy !req
1210. Ronald, wake up!
Copy !req
1211. You got the promotion!
Copy !req
1212. Bring it in.
Copy !req
1213. Not bad
for a stubborn old fool.
Copy !req
1214. I guess old men really are the toughest,
smartest, most capable,
Copy !req
1215. sexiest beings on the planet.
Copy !req
1216. Oh, Frank,
Copy !req
1217. you've made me
a very happy woman.
Copy !req
1218. Me, too.
Copy !req
1219. As a result
of Lieutenant Frank Drebin's
Copy !req
1220. heroic work
on New Year's Eve,
Copy !req
1221. I am happy to announce
that Police Squad is back
Copy !req
1222. with a renewed commitment
to accountability and justice.
Copy !req
1223. And in that spirit,
we will not ignore
Copy !req
1224. Lieutenant Drebin's
questionable actions
Copy !req
1225. on the days
leading up to the event.
Copy !req
1226. And right now, Frank Drebin
Copy !req
1227. is being subject to a rigorous
and thorough internal investigation.
Copy !req
1228. Thank you.
Copy !req
1229. Well, Beth, here's to us.
Copy !req
1230. To us.
Copy !req
1231. What is happening?
What?
Copy !req
1232. This is strange.
Copy !req
1233. Come on.
Copy !req
1234. Taylor?
Copy !req
1235. Are you all right?
Copy !req
1236. What's happening, Frank?
I'm scared.
Copy !req
1237. Okay, honey.
We'll get to the bottom of this.
Copy !req
1238. Oh, God.
Copy !req
1239. Wake up, you piece of shit!
Copy !req
1240. Keep it together.
Copy !req
1241. Wait a second.
What is this?
Copy !req
1242. - Do you hear that music?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1243. Who the heck are you people?
Copy !req
1244. Have you been watching us
this whole time?
Copy !req
1245. You've seen me in shorts?
Copy !req
1246. Step back, honey, please.
Copy !req
1247. Yo! Cops!
Copy !req
1248. This goes out
to a very special lady.
Copy !req
1249. You did that.
Copy !req
1250. You know what,
I've never really been
Copy !req
1251. in a professional
recording studio before.
Copy !req
1252. What does this do?
Copy !req
1253. That... that's nice.
Copy !req
1254. That's got a good sound to it, huh?
Copy !req
1255. No, no, no. I don't need to touch it.
That's fine.
Copy !req
1256. It is just fun
to play those things.
Copy !req
1257. Do you mind if I...
I pick up this guitar?
Copy !req
1258. I always wished
I knew how to do it.
Copy !req
1259. Here we go.
Copy !req
1260. You know,
it's surprisingly easy.
Copy !req
1261. It kind of hurts your fingertips.
Copy !req
1262. No one tells you about that part.
Copy !req
1263. Thank you, Beth,
for opening up my heart
Copy !req
1264. to love again.
Copy !req
1265. I just had to get one more.
Copy !req
1266. Everyone, put your hands together
Copy !req
1267. for the world's last
living entertainer,
Copy !req
1268. "Weird Al" Yankovic!
Copy !req
1269. How's everybody doing tonight?
Copy !req
1270. Hello?
Copy !req
1271. Anybody here?
Copy !req
1272. Cane?
Copy !req
1273. Evil billionaires?
Copy !req
1274. Crab-hands guy?
Copy !req
1275. What the heck?
Copy !req