1. That's me, Walter.Copy !req
2. Where... Where'd you go?
There you are!Copy !req
3. I have the best life
in the whole world.Copy !req
4. That's my brother, Gary.Copy !req
5. He's the best friend
you could ever have.Copy !req
6. Yeah, I know
what you're thinking.Copy !req
7. We could be twins.Copy !req
8. Here's where we live:
Smalltown...Copy !req
9. the best town
you could ever grow up in.Copy !req
10. Gary and I
did everything together.Copy !req
11. And, as the years passed,
my brother was always there for me.Copy !req
12. I got it! Gary, throw me!
Throw me!Copy !req
13. Aaah!Copy !req
14. We were a great team.Copy !req
15. - Nice job, Walter.
- Thanks, Gary.Copy !req
16. Don't get me wrong.
It's not perfect.Copy !req
17. - That was so fun!
- Nothing is.Copy !req
18. Sorry, kid.Copy !req
19. - I wanna do that again!
- Come on. I'll ride with ya!Copy !req
20. Hurry up!Copy !req
21. Even the sunniest days
can have a few clouds in them.Copy !req
22. Ride's bogus, anyway.
Hey, wanna rent a video?Copy !req
23. Yeah. Race you home!Copy !req
24. And, well, that night
sorta changed everything.Copy !req
25. It's The Muppet Show, with our very
special guest star, Mr. Steve Martin!Copy !req
26. I found them...Copy !req
27. The Muppets.Copy !req
28. I guess you could say
I was their number one fan.Copy !req
29. Gary, it's an entire map
of The Muppet Studios.Copy !req
30. And they made
all the difference.Copy !req
31. - Trick or treat!
- Because from then on...Copy !req
32. - Hey, guys.
- Hey, Gary.Copy !req
33. - Hey.
- Hi-ho, guys. Yay!Copy !req
34. Is that Kermit the Frog?
What is this, 1978?Copy !req
35. even on the worst days,
I knew...Copy !req
36. that as the years passed...Copy !req
37. Cancel that last remark.Copy !req
38. as long as there are
singing frogs and joking bears...Copy !req
39. Swedish chefs
and boomerang fish,Copy !req
40. the world can't be such
a bad place after all.Copy !req
41. All right, good night, buddy.Copy !req
42. Good night, Gary.Copy !req
43. And as long
as there are Muppets...Copy !req
44. - ... for me...
- ... hair-growing tonic.Copy !req
45. there's still...Copy !req
46. hope.Copy !req
47. Aaah. Bye-bye!Copy !req
48. Somebody get him!Copy !req
49. Animal. Hey, Animal, come on.
The show's about to start.Copy !req
50. Show! Show!Copy !req
51. Hey, Walter,
why don't you join us?Copy !req
52. Come on!Copy !req
53. No! Wait! I want to be
with you guys! Please let me in!Copy !req
54. Kermit!Copy !req
55. Whoa!Copy !req
56. Walter, are you OK, buddy?Copy !req
57. You're drenched in sweat.
Did you have the dream again?Copy !req
58. Ummm. No. Hey, so when are
you guys leaving today?Copy !req
59. Just a couple hours now.Copy !req
60. Gary, I think it is so cool
you're taking Mary to Los Angeles.Copy !req
61. I can't believe you guys
have been dating for ten years.Copy !req
62. I know. Yeah, she wanted to do
something special for this anniversary,Copy !req
63. and she's always
wanted to see Los Angeles, so...Copy !req
64. Hey, don't forget to send me
a postcard from The Muppet Studios.Copy !req
65. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.Copy !req
66. - I can't do that, Walter.
- But, Gary...Copy !req
67. Because...
you're coming with us!Copy !req
68. Oh, Gary!Copy !req
69. - But what about Mary?
- She's fine.Copy !req
70. - She said the more the merrier.
- I... I don't know what to say!Copy !req
71. The Muppet Studios are there, Gary.
I can't believe this!Copy !req
72. Better get a move on.
We don't want to miss that bus!Copy !req
73. No way! Who knows?
Maybe Kermit will be there.Copy !req
74. I wouldn't get
your hopes up, buddy.Copy !req
75. The Muppets haven't put
on a show together in years.Copy !req
76. I don't think they use the studios
for anything but tours anymore.Copy !req
77. Nah, I think that's
just an Internet rumor.Copy !req
78. Like there's a country
called Turkey.Copy !req
79. Walter, how many times
do we have to go over this?Copy !req
80. - Turkey is a very real country.
- Muppet Studios.Copy !req
81. I can't believe it!Copy !req
82. Whoooa!Copy !req
83. Oooh...Copy !req
84. Sorry. I was super excited.Copy !req
85. All right, Carlos.
Flip the ignition.Copy !req
86. And that is how you fix
a 12-volt starter.Copy !req
87. You know what that means.
Spring break.Copy !req
88. It's OK. We'll be back
to studying in two weeks.Copy !req
89. Yay!Copy !req
90. - Have a nice vacation.
- Bye. Have fun.Copy !req
91. - Bye, Mr. Gary.
- Have a good break, guys.Copy !req
92. - Hey, great job, Carlos.
- Thanks.Copy !req
93. Enjoy your anniversary dinner.Copy !req
94. - Hi.
- I got you these.Copy !req
95. Sorry. It's probably from
the dance number I was doing.Copy !req
96. It's OK.
They're really sweet.Copy !req
97. You excited for our big trip to LA?
I have our list.Copy !req
98. Me, too.Copy !req
99. This is the
most romantic thing ever.Copy !req
100. I've always dreamt
of seeing Los Angeles.Copy !req
101. I know. Walter can't wait either.Copy !req
102. You don't mind
that he's coming, right?Copy !req
103. No. No, of course not.Copy !req
104. As long as we can spend our anniversary
dinner together. That's all I ask.Copy !req
105. Totally. It's gonna be the most
romantic anniversary dinner ever.Copy !req
106. I love you so much.Copy !req
107. - I love you, too.
- I'm gonna go check on Walter.Copy !req
108. OK, they're gone!Copy !req
109. Hey, Gary, what should
we do first at Muppet Studio?Copy !req
110. 'Cause I was thinking that maybe
we could start at Fozzie's Joke Room...Copy !req
111. Oh, no, wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
112. The lines might be shorter
at Honeydew's Laboratory of Fun,Copy !req
113. so maybe we should start there instead.
I just... I just can't wait!Copy !req
114. Walter, don't be nervous.Copy !req
115. Oh, I know.
I just can't believe I'm here.Copy !req
116. The home of the Muppets!Copy !req
117. What...
What happened to this place?Copy !req
118. Where...?Copy !req
119. - Where is everyone, Gary?
- I don't know, buddy. It's so...Copy !req
120. OK, well, I guess you guys
are it for today.Copy !req
121. Anyway, welcome
to the original Muppet Studio,Copy !req
122. where dreams can come true.Copy !req
123. - Is this the Universal Studios?
- Yes, it is.Copy !req
124. OK, now if you'll
just follow me, please.Copy !req
125. OK. This used to be
Kermit's office.Copy !req
126. Whoa.Copy !req
127. It's really
the highlight of the tour.Copy !req
128. You should see it sometime.Copy !req
129. OK, this next building
is where they kept the ropeCopy !req
130. and the medium-gauge wire for the
productions. Let's go take a look.Copy !req
131. Come on, buddy.Copy !req
132. Oh, boy.Copy !req
133. Whoa.Copy !req
134. There. Now this here is
Kermit the Frog's old office.Copy !req
135. Or so we've been "toad."Copy !req
136. Well, as you know, gentlemen,
I've loved the Muppets since I was a boy.Copy !req
137. And what better way
to honor the MuppetsCopy !req
138. than to make this beautiful studio
a Muppet museum.Copy !req
139. I think I'll call this roomCopy !req
140. the "Kermit the Frog's
Old Office Room."Copy !req
141. - Oh, that is lovely.
- Oh, good one, Mr. Richman.Copy !req
142. Now, this here is the standard
"Rich and Famous" contractCopy !req
143. Kermit signed 30 years ago,
that contains...Copy !req
144. - The deed to this property.
- Exactly.Copy !req
145. Now, this contract is 100 percent
ironclad, with one minor exception.Copy !req
146. If the Muppets can raise the
ten million dollars it would costCopy !req
147. to buy the building before
this contract expires,Copy !req
148. - then they get their studio back.
- You know, if I didn't know better,Copy !req
149. I'd say you were reciting some
sort of an important plot point.Copy !req
150. Well, I hope so. Otherwise,
I just bored the audience half to death.Copy !req
151. You mean half the audience
is still alive?Copy !req
152. It's nice
doing business with you.Copy !req
153. - Yes, sir. Come on.
- Goodbye.Copy !req
154. I love geriatric humor.Copy !req
155. Gentlemen, there's oil
under this studio.Copy !req
156. Yeah, I can smell it.Copy !req
157. And more importantly, the geological
survey says there definitely is.Copy !req
158. In two weeks, we tear
this place to the groundCopy !req
159. and start drilling.
Ah, those Muppets.Copy !req
160. They think they're so funny.Copy !req
161. Well, it looks like
the joke's about to be on them.Copy !req
162. Maniacal laugh.Copy !req
163. Maniacal laugh.Copy !req
164. Maniacal laugh.
Maniacal laugh.Copy !req
165. Maniacal laugh.Copy !req
166. - Walter!
- Walter?Copy !req
167. - Walter!
- Walter!Copy !req
168. Yeah, so then, when he thought
they were alone, he said,Copy !req
169. "There's oil
under this studio, see.Copy !req
170. I'm gonna tear it
to the ground, see.Copy !req
171. - Sweet, sweet oil, see!"
- People still talk like that?Copy !req
172. Maybe that's just how
he sounded in my head.Copy !req
173. Either way, we've got to find Kermit!
He'll know what to do.Copy !req
174. How do we find Kermit?
Nobody's seen him in years.Copy !req
175. Stop the car!
I've got an idea!Copy !req
176. These are delicious!Copy !req
177. Great idea, Walter.Copy !req
178. We've been doing this
for a long time.Copy !req
179. I think maybe
we should call it a night.Copy !req
180. - Guys!
- We can't give up, Gary.Copy !req
181. But it's getting really late. Maybe
we should just go back to the motel.Copy !req
182. - Guys!
- It...Copy !req
183. - What?
- What?Copy !req
184. - Maybe he lives there.
- That's it.Copy !req
185. So, what do we do now?Copy !req
186. I don't see a doorbell,
and the house looks empty.Copy !req
187. - Gary, throw me over.
- What?Copy !req
188. - Gary, just throw me over already!
- OK.Copy !req
189. - OK, here we go. OK...
- One, two, three.Copy !req
190. - That's good.
- Sorry.Copy !req
191. - No, it's good.
- Guys?Copy !req
192. I think
that's an electric fence.Copy !req
193. Mary, it's Kermit the Frog.Copy !req
194. - OK, buddy, head down.
- One, two, three!Copy !req
195. - It's an electric fence.
- Yep.Copy !req
196. Oh, my gosh. Walter? Walter, buddy?
Walter, can you hear me?Copy !req
197. - Throw me again.
- No, I don't...Copy !req
198. I don't think that's a good idea.Copy !req
199. - What kind of throw was that?
- I think there's somebody coming.Copy !req
200. Excuse me...Copy !req
201. You OK?
That was quite a tumble.Copy !req
202. Look, look.
I think...Copy !req
203. Hey. Hey, Walter?Copy !req
204. - Walter, you all right, buddy?
- Where am I?Copy !req
205. OK, this is awesome.
We're at Kermit's house.Copy !req
206. - Oh, jeez. Walter.
- No, no, no, no, no. You OK?Copy !req
207. This...
This is Kermit's house?Copy !req
208. Anyhow, how can I help you guys?Copy !req
209. Let me just say, this is an honor
for all of us to meet you, sir,Copy !req
210. but my brother, Walter, has some
really disturbing news for you.Copy !req
211. - Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
- Not now, 80's Robot.Copy !req
212. Might I offer you a drink? Tab?Copy !req
213. - Good grief.
- New Coke?Copy !req
214. Listen. Not right now,
80's Robot, please!Copy !req
215. Bummer.Copy !req
216. - Watch out for the...
- Gag me with a spoon.Copy !req
217. - Yeah, head for the door.
- Grody to the max.Copy !req
218. I'm really sorry about that...Copy !req
219. Walter.
What were you saying?Copy !req
220. - Yes. Tex Richman, the oil baron, is...
- Yes, yes, yes.Copy !req
221. Oil baron Tex Richman,
the wealthy philanthropist.Copy !req
222. You know, he's about to buy
our old Muppet Show theaterCopy !req
223. and turn it into a Muppet museum.
Isn't that great?Copy !req
224. - No! I mean...
- What Walter's trying to tell youCopy !req
225. is that Tex Richman has a secret plan to
tear down the theater and drill for oil.Copy !req
226. - What?
- The only way to save the studioCopy !req
227. is to raise ten million dollars.Copy !req
228. Ten million dollars?
That's impossible.Copy !req
229. - But...
- The only way to raiseCopy !req
230. that kind of money would be to...Copy !req
231. would be to put on a show.Copy !req
232. And I haven't seen the old gang
in a long, long time.Copy !req
233. I guess people sort of forgot
about us.Copy !req
234. I didn't do it. I've been framed!
Wocka wocka!Copy !req
235. Gonzo the Great
will ride this baby again!Copy !req
236. Muah!Copy !req
237. This legato tune is posolutely,
most transparently bringing me down.Copy !req
238. - For sure.
- One, two, and a half...Copy !req
239. Well, it sounds like you guys aren't
getting back together anytime soon.Copy !req
240. This is going to be
a really short movie.Copy !req
241. But, Kermit, you have to try.Copy !req
242. I... The Muppets are amazing.Copy !req
243. You give people the greatest gift
that can ever be given.Copy !req
244. - Children?
- No, the other gift.Copy !req
245. - Ice cream?
- No, no. After that.Copy !req
246. - Laughter?
- Yes!Copy !req
247. The third greatest gift ever!Copy !req
248. Kermit, your fans never left you,
the world hasn't forgotten.Copy !req
249. All you need to do
is show 'em again!Copy !req
250. I don't think so, guys.Copy !req
251. Don't you see, Kermit?Copy !req
252. It's time to play the music.Copy !req
253. Please, Kermit.Copy !req
254. You're my hero.Copy !req
255. You're on my watch.Copy !req
256. Well, I... I guess...Copy !req
257. we could try.Copy !req
258. - We?
- Well, yeah, listen.Copy !req
259. If I'm gonna do this,
I'm gonna need some moral support.Copy !req
260. Well, that's perfect.
We're experts at moral support.Copy !req
261. - Yeah!
- Good. I guess if we're gonna go,Copy !req
262. we better get going.
We got a lot of people to find.Copy !req
263. Great! But wait,
how do we find 'em?Copy !req
264. Didn't you see
our first movie?Copy !req
265. We drive.Copy !req
266. - So where do we go first?
- I shall take the libertyCopy !req
267. of using my modem
to locate the Muppets.Copy !req
268. - OK.
- Great.Copy !req
269. Stop it!Copy !req
270. In the name of all
that's sacred, let it end!Copy !req
271. R-E-N-O. That spells "Reno".Copy !req
272. You have reached your destination.
My guidance ends here.Copy !req
273. Well, I guess
this is the place.Copy !req
274. Good evening, folks,
and welcome to Pechoolo Casino!Copy !req
275. Cha-cha-cha!Copy !req
276. Thank you, thank you.
We'll be back in six minutes.Copy !req
277. - Hi-ho, Fozzie.
- Hi-ho, Kermit.Copy !req
278. Kermit?
What are you doing here?Copy !req
279. Well, I... I just want to tell you
that was a great show.Copy !req
280. It was... very informative.Copy !req
281. I do my best to
keep it fresh each night.Copy !req
282. - Oh, yeah.
- Oh, I'm Fozzie, by the way.Copy !req
283. I'm sorry.
This is Gary and Mary.Copy !req
284. And this here is Walter.
He's a personal friend.Copy !req
285. - Yeah.
- So I said, "What are you looking at?"Copy !req
286. So I punched him in the face!
I mean...Copy !req
287. - Let's talk in my dressing room.
- Sure.Copy !req
288. - OK.
- Here we are.Copy !req
289. Make yourselves at home.Copy !req
290. This is not
quite what I expected,Copy !req
291. - based on your Christmas cards.
- Yeah. About that...Copy !req
292. But it's nice, and...
and airy.Copy !req
293. Maybe we should give them
some space.Copy !req
294. I know, but I wanna hear
what they're gonna say. OK.Copy !req
295. Sixty-four shows nightly
can get pretty grueling.Copy !req
296. Fozzie, an evil oil baron wants
to tear down our old Muppet studio.Copy !req
297. What? Oh, no!Copy !req
298. I mean, that's a shame.Copy !req
299. Step out of the vehicle!Copy !req
300. Hey, Fozzie...Copy !req
301. I'm sorry I haven't been
in touch more.Copy !req
302. It's fine, Kermit. Look at me!
Living the dream!Copy !req
303. Oh, no! Not this again!Copy !req
304. - Quick, save the cushions!
- The cushions?Copy !req
305. I'm sorry, Fozzie.Copy !req
306. If I'd known you were here
in this place...Copy !req
307. That's all right, Kermit.
It's not your fault.Copy !req
308. - We had a good run.
- Yeah.Copy !req
309. Yeah, it's just that...Copy !req
310. Well, we haven't seen each other
in a really long time, and I...Copy !req
311. I just thought maybe we could raise
the money to buy the theater backCopy !req
312. if we all got together
and put on one last show.Copy !req
313. A show? But I've spent years
building a solo career.Copy !req
314. I have a whole new show-biz
family that loves me.Copy !req
315. Fozzie! What the heck
are you doing, hibernating?Copy !req
316. Next show starts in 30 seconds.Copy !req
317. We hired you, and we can fire you,
so get your butt in here now!Copy !req
318. - They terrify me. Let's go.
- Let's go.Copy !req
319. - Watch out for the forklift, Fozzie.
- Thanks.Copy !req
320. Gonzo's doing really well!Copy !req
321. According to 80's Robot,Copy !req
322. he's the richest plumbing magnate
in the Rust Belt.Copy !req
323. You! Order 28,000 tons
of plumber's putty from Beijing.Copy !req
324. - Right away, sir.
- And, you, send the 28,000 tonsCopy !req
325. of Silly Putty back to Beijing.Copy !req
326. - You bet.
- And you?Copy !req
327. A memo to the waterless
toilet department.Copy !req
328. I don't care about the mess,
just keep trying.Copy !req
329. - Hi, Gonzo.
- Kermit? Fozzie? This is a surprise.Copy !req
330. - We need to speak to you.
- All right. Have a seat.Copy !req
331. Thank you!Copy !req
332. - I think I'll stand.
- No, really, you should try one! Comfy.Copy !req
333. It's our executive line
of used toilets.Copy !req
334. Anyway, I'm very busy.
I've got 30 seconds. Go.Copy !req
335. Gonzo, I'm not quite sure
how to say this, but...Copy !req
336. Don't forget to mention
the evil oil baron.Copy !req
337. Yes, Fozzie, I was about to.
Just give me a moment, OK?Copy !req
338. Gonzo, it would appear...Copy !req
339. Remember, evil oil baron.Copy !req
340. Fozzie, I'm going
to get to that. Please!Copy !req
341. - As I was trying to say...
- Evil oil baron.Copy !req
342. OK, time's up. Thank you, guys.Copy !req
343. Gonzo, we're trying to get the
old gang back together again.Copy !req
344. - We really need you.
- My answer is no. Good day!Copy !req
345. Come on, guys. We should go.Copy !req
346. I just want to say, when I was a kid,
I saw you recite HamletCopy !req
347. while jumping your motorbike
through a flaming hoop, and...Copy !req
348. it made me feel
like I could do anything.Copy !req
349. Thank you. Yeah.Copy !req
350. - Good try, Walter.
- Hey, guys, up here!Copy !req
351. - Ya-haa!
- Huh?Copy !req
352. I've been wearing this under
my suit every single day for years!Copy !req
353. Look out below!Copy !req
354. Whoa, where you going?
You threw me off-balance!Copy !req
355. I can't see! Apollo 13!Copy !req
356. Citizens of Earth,
the Great Gonzo is back.Copy !req
357. I pledge
never to hold a plunger again!Copy !req
358. Run! Run! Run for your lives!
Run, run, run!Copy !req
359. - Run, guys!
- Run!Copy !req
360. Oh, my gosh, run everybody!Copy !req
361. It's gonna be big!
It's gonna be a big one!Copy !req
362. That was
an expensive looking explosion!Copy !req
363. I can't believe we had that
in the budget.Copy !req
364. So maybe if you
look inside yourself,Copy !req
365. the person you should be
most angry at is you.Copy !req
366. Is you.Copy !req
367. How have you been feeling?
Any more control issues?Copy !req
368. In control.Copy !req
369. - Good.
- Psst. Animal!Copy !req
370. - Excellent.
- It's me, Kermit.Copy !req
371. Hey, we're having a meeting here, man.
You're being really rude, frog!Copy !req
372. Pardon us, please. Animal,
I need to talk to you for a second.Copy !req
373. We're getting the Muppets back together.
We need you to drum again.Copy !req
374. - Animal drum?
- Yes!Copy !req
375. - Please, sir.
- Drum! Drum, drum!Copy !req
376. - Drum, drum, drum!
- OK, OK.Copy !req
377. - In control.
- Good.Copy !req
378. I'm Animal's
court-appointed sponsor.Copy !req
379. We don't use
the "d-r-u-m" word.Copy !req
380. - It's his trigger word.
- His trigger word?Copy !req
381. Excuse me, Mr. Black.
I'm so sorry to interrupt,Copy !req
382. but it's very important to these guys
that they get their drummer...Copy !req
383. Gary!Copy !req
384. It's my trigger word, too.Copy !req
385. Jack, we talked about this
on Tuesday.Copy !req
386. Tuesday's another one
of my trigger words!Copy !req
387. Oh, I don't think so!Copy !req
388. Sorry.Copy !req
389. - Let's go, Animal.
- Bye-bye!Copy !req
390. - Animal, heel.
- Go, Animal! Be free, man!Copy !req
391. But remember! No drumming!Copy !req
392. Mr. Kermit, may I suggest
we save time and pick upCopy !req
393. the rest of the Muppets
using a montage?Copy !req
394. Great idea, 80's Robot.Copy !req
395. We greatly appreciate
your financial support.Copy !req
396. Eighty-seven point three
miles to go. Eighty-seven point two...Copy !req
397. 80's Robot,
do you have to do that?Copy !req
398. the secrets of the universe...Copy !req
399. I guess we're in.Copy !req
400. Welcome to this week's edition
of "Everything Stinks."Copy !req
401. Whoa!Copy !req
402. Bye, Lisa.
Off to the TED Conference.Copy !req
403. Three, two, one.Copy !req
404. Think we should've rented
a bigger car?Copy !req
405. Hey, wait for me!
I wanna help save the studio!Copy !req
406. I wanna go with you!
Oh, not again.Copy !req
407. I can't believe
we're all back together.Copy !req
408. Even all you guys
who weren't in the montage!Copy !req
409. Yeah, how come you
didn't use me in the montage?Copy !req
410. I thought my story
was pretty interesting.Copy !req
411. Rowlf? Wanna get back together?Copy !req
412. - OK.
- Good.Copy !req
413. Classic.Copy !req
414. Anyhow, looks like
we got everybody,Copy !req
415. so we can plan our telethon
and raise that ten million dollars.Copy !req
416. - Well, not everybody.
- No, I think everybody's here.Copy !req
417. - Where's...?
- All good!Copy !req
418. - Miss...
- All done here!Copy !req
419. Piggy?Copy !req
420. Kermit, we're going
to get Miss Piggy, right?Copy !req
421. OK, OK, OK, you're right.
We'll go get Piggy!Copy !req
422. My Minitel tells me
she is in Paris, France.Copy !req
423. Well, then we drive to France.Copy !req
424. - You can't drive to France, Walter.
- Yeah. It's way too far.Copy !req
425. Then maybe we should travel
by map!Copy !req
426. - Good idea, Fozzie.
- Yeah!Copy !req
427. To Paris!Copy !req
428. Paris! Paris!Copy !req
429. Look at these ceilings!Copy !req
430. Yeah. They must
be very tall here.Copy !req
431. Yeah, very nice.Copy !req
432. Hi there. Excuse me.Copy !req
433. Miss? Pardon me, ma'am?Copy !req
434. Hi there! We're here to see
Miss Piggy, and it's urgent.Copy !req
435. Urgent! Urgent!Copy !req
436. - Is it urgent?
- Very. Yes.Copy !req
437. Let's have a look then, shall we?
She has an opening in...Copy !req
438. - ... early September.
- Early September?Copy !req
439. That's like six months from now!Copy !req
440. That's nothing. Once I waited
a whole year for September.Copy !req
441. She is the plus-size editor.
She's a huge deal and extremely busy.Copy !req
442. You can't just pop in
without an appointment.Copy !req
443. - OK, then.
- Thank you.Copy !req
444. - All right.
- Mean lady.Copy !req
445. - Close the door on your way out.
- Thanks a lot.Copy !req
446. - She wasn't very nice.
- Yeah.Copy !req
447. Guys! Muppet Man!Copy !req
448. - Yeah!
- That could work!Copy !req
449. Hello.Copy !req
450. I have an appointment.Copy !req
451. Oh, OK.Copy !req
452. Will you wait here a moment?Copy !req
453. Decisions, decisions.Copy !req
454. Eeny, meeny, miny, mo. I choose you.Copy !req
455. Mademoiselle Cochonnet?Copy !req
456. - Can't you see I'm busy?
- Of course.Copy !req
457. There's a... man here to see you.Copy !req
458. He does have an appointment.Copy !req
459. An appointment? That's weird.Copy !req
460. Well, why didn't you say so?
Send him in!Copy !req
461. Right away. Sorry.Copy !req
462. - Ahahaha.
- Remember, left foot, right foot.Copy !req
463. Hello.Copy !req
464. Whoa.Copy !req
465. - What the...?
- Sorry.Copy !req
466. That looked expensive.Copy !req
467. - You look familiar.
- So do you!Copy !req
468. Please, have a seat.Copy !req
469. Yes, we're going
to have a seat now.Copy !req
470. - No, no, no, don't sit down!
- Sorry! Whoa!Copy !req
471. Message to head. Left leg in trouble!
Going down. Left leg going down!Copy !req
472. What?Copy !req
473. I can't believe
I fell for Muppet Man.Copy !req
474. - You guys OK?
- Is anyone hurt?Copy !req
475. Kermit?Copy !req
476. - Hello, Piggy.
- Kermie!Copy !req
477. Kermie, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie,
Kermie, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie!Copy !req
478. Mm, mm, mm. Kissy-kissy.
Mm, mm, mm!Copy !req
479. Wait! What am I doing?
I promised myself I'd never go back!Copy !req
480. I am woman! I am strong!
You must leave at once!Copy !req
481. - OK.
- No, no, wait, wait!Copy !req
482. Miss Piggy!
The Muppet Studios are in danger.Copy !req
483. In danger? Our studios?
Kermit!Copy !req
484. It's true, Piggy. And we need
to do The Muppet Show again.Copy !req
485. We need you.Copy !req
486. Before I decide anything,
I need to talk with you, frog.Copy !req
487. Alone.Copy !req
488. Piggy? Last time we were together,
I said some things I regret.Copy !req
489. No. No, Kermit.
You were just being honest.Copy !req
490. You never intended to marry me.Copy !req
491. Not even after
I built us a houseCopy !req
492. where we could raise tadpoles
and grow old together.Copy !req
493. Well, who do you think's been looking
after that house all these years, huh?Copy !req
494. Piggy, why do you have to always
be so overdramatic about things?Copy !req
495. You know, it leaves me no choice
but to do things that hurt you.Copy !req
496. I am who I am. Why can't
you accept that about me?Copy !req
497. Look, this is not
about you and me.Copy !req
498. It's never about
you and me, is it?Copy !req
499. It's always we.
We this, we that.Copy !req
500. "We" need you. You can't even say,
"I need you", can you?Copy !req
501. Piggy...Copy !req
502. I'm sorry, Kermit,
but I have a life here.Copy !req
503. A life I've made for myself.Copy !req
504. Piggy!Copy !req
505. Just remember, Kermit,
I cannot be replaced.Copy !req
506. Kermit? What happened?
Where's Miss Piggy?Copy !req
507. She's not coming, Fozzie.Copy !req
508. But, Kermit,
we always worked together.Copy !req
509. We can't do this
without Miss Piggy.Copy !req
510. No one will give us a show
without her.Copy !req
511. We'll be fine, Fozzie.Copy !req
512. We'll be fine.Copy !req
513. We just...Copy !req
514. We'll just have to
come up with something else.Copy !req
515. Kermie.Copy !req
516. OK, I've got an idea.
We need a pig that can sing.Copy !req
517. But, Kermit, who could
possibly replace Miss Piggy?Copy !req
518. Hey, what's everybody
so quiet about, huh?Copy !req
519. - Well, she's sorta like Miss Piggy.
- Come on, everybody.Copy !req
520. Let's go pitch our telethon
and get the Muppets back on TV, OK?Copy !req
521. - No.
- No.Copy !req
522. Oh, my goodness!
Oh, that's wonderful!Copy !req
523. That means no.Copy !req
524. - Come on, guys.
- Awkward.Copy !req
525. Listen, Kermit, I like you.Copy !req
526. I remember you guys
from when I was a kid.Copy !req
527. So I'm gonna shoot straight.Copy !req
528. You guys aren't famous anymore.Copy !req
529. I wish she'd shot
a little more curvy.Copy !req
530. Take a look at this diagram
the research department drew up.Copy !req
531. This circle represents
everything that's currently popular.Copy !req
532. And this tiny speck
is you guys.Copy !req
533. So the answer's no.
It's not gonna happen.Copy !req
534. Take a look at the shows that
are popular now. Punch Teacher.Copy !req
535. - I love that show.
- It's time to punch teacher!Copy !req
536. - Finish him!
- It's my favorite.Copy !req
537. I just thought
I could make a difference.Copy !req
538. I'm sorry, but in this market, you guys
are no longer relevant. Have a good day.Copy !req
539. Before I go,
I'd just like to say something.Copy !req
540. I think kids are smarter and better
than all this junk, and if you...Copy !req
541. Veronica, bad news. Punch Teacher
has stopped production.Copy !req
542. It's being sued by the
Teachers Society of America.Copy !req
543. - What's their problem?
- No idea. I just found out.Copy !req
544. What are we supposed to do
with that 120-minute black holeCopy !req
545. in the schedule
coming up in two days?Copy !req
546. OK, Muppets.
You've got yourselves a show.Copy !req
547. - All right!
- Oh, yes!Copy !req
548. Thank you so much. You will not
be sorry, I promise, I promise!Copy !req
549. OK, enough! One, no more going nuts
in my office. These are new carpets.Copy !req
550. - Yes, ma'am.
- And two, you need a celebrity host.Copy !req
551. OK. Whatever, whatever.
Come on, guys, let's go. Yeah!Copy !req
552. - Let me wipe that.
- You've missed a spot.Copy !req
553. - I don't see it.
- Just a little lower!Copy !req
554. - I am so sorry. Did I get you...
- Yes.Copy !req
555. Well, gentlemen. It appears
we have some competitionCopy !req
556. on the Muppet property.Copy !req
557. The Economist says they've
gotten back together again.Copy !req
558. - The Muppets got back together?
- Remember?Copy !req
559. Gentlemen, please!
No singing in my office!Copy !req
560. - Yes, sir.
- But, of course, it was all his fault.Copy !req
561. - Mostly his fault.
- No matter.Copy !req
562. Point is, that studio
and that oil belong to me.Copy !req
563. Yeah, those Muppets are gonna beCopy !req
564. running home with
their tails between their legs.Copy !req
565. Some of 'em literally.
Because those ones have tails.Copy !req
566. Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh.Copy !req
567. That's a maniacal laugh moment.Copy !req
568. OK, this is it. 80's Robot,
let's park around back.Copy !req
569. It's The Muppet Show,Copy !req
570. with our special guest star,
Mr. Bob Hope!Copy !req
571. Time once again
for Veterinarian's Hospital,Copy !req
572. the continuing story of...Copy !req
573. And now, Pigs in Space!Copy !req
574. Gary. Can you believe it?Copy !req
575. - The Muppet theater.
- Yeah.Copy !req
576. - Welcome back, everyone.
- Thanks.Copy !req
577. Well, I know the old place is
not quite at its best right now.Copy !req
578. Yeah! Who cancelled
the maid service?Copy !req
579. But don't worry.
We'll be fine.Copy !req
580. Kermit, there's no way we can
rehearse with the place like this.Copy !req
581. Wait. Kermit,
don't say another word.Copy !req
582. Mary, Walter and I, well, we would be
happy to help you rebuild the theater.Copy !req
583. Honestly, it would be an honor
for all three of us.Copy !req
584. - So would.
- OK. Well, let's clean this place up!Copy !req
585. Yeah!Copy !req
586. - This is boring.
- But don't you guys remember?Copy !req
587. You're the Muppets!
You do this to music!Copy !req
588. Well, all right!Copy !req
589. - Hey, Animal!
- Yeah?Copy !req
590. Look what I found!Copy !req
591. - Beauregard!
- Scooter! Good to see you!Copy !req
592. Where's everybody been?Copy !req
593. Celebrity... celebrity!Copy !req
594. Hello! Yes. Could I speak
with President Carter, please?Copy !req
595. He moved? Well, you don't happen to have
a number where I could reach... Hello?Copy !req
596. Walter, I thought we were gonna
clean the balcony.Copy !req
597. - Doing a great job, pal.
- You're doing a great job.Copy !req
598. - Wocka wocka.
- Hey, guys!Copy !req
599. Look at these old photos
I just found.Copy !req
600. Oooh.Copy !req
601. Can you believe that 80's
haircut I used to have?Copy !req
602. I looked totally ridiculous!Copy !req
603. Yes, it's Kermit. The frog.Copy !req
604. Could you come to our celebrity
telethon this weekend?Copy !req
605. Sure. Sure, I understand.Copy !req
606. - Hey, shut the door!
- What is that?Copy !req
607. Say hello to the little friend.Copy !req
608. There goes dinner.Copy !req
609. Great job, everybody!Copy !req
610. Hey, Kermit.
Listen, have a great night,Copy !req
611. and I just want you to know,
Walter and I are really good sewers,Copy !req
612. so we'll have those costumes
ready for you in no time.Copy !req
613. - Good. You two have a great night.
- OK. Thank you!Copy !req
614. - Bye.
- Kermit?Copy !req
615. Gary, I was kind of hoping
that we could go to the beach tomorrowCopy !req
616. - or see the Hollywood Sign.
- We'll have plenty of timeCopy !req
617. to do that stuff.
It's just, right now,Copy !req
618. I don't wanna leave Walter.
You know, he needs me.Copy !req
619. I don't know, sweetheart,
he seems pretty happy.Copy !req
620. - Like that.
- OK.Copy !req
621. Now you.Copy !req
622. Yeah, that's it!
Yeah, yeah, good job!Copy !req
623. Well, just one more day, OK?
And then I'm all yours.Copy !req
624. Tell you what. Why don't you get
a head start on sightseeing tomorrow,Copy !req
625. and then I'll be waiting
for you when you get back.Copy !req
626. OK. Just...
don't forget about me.Copy !req
627. Never.Copy !req
628. Well, we're still on
for dinner Friday, right?Copy !req
629. Yeah, of course.Copy !req
630. - Walter!
- Yes, Kermit.Copy !req
631. Hey, listen, Walter,
I just wanna tell youCopy !req
632. that none of this would have happened
without you, so thank you.Copy !req
633. - Oh, well...
- And welcome aboard.Copy !req
634. Night, everybody. Just sleep
anywhere you can find a spot.Copy !req
635. "Welcome aboard"?Copy !req
636. Hey, Kermit. You awake?Copy !req
637. - Yep.
- What's the weatherCopy !req
638. - supposed to be like tonight?
- I don't know. Why?Copy !req
639. I just don't want it to rain
through the hole in the ceiling.Copy !req
640. Stars sure are pretty, though.Copy !req
641. We're gonna be OK, right?
We haven't done this in a long time,Copy !req
642. and I really don't
wanna go back to Reno.Copy !req
643. Don't worry, Fozzie.
We'll be fine.Copy !req
644. Look how we cleaned this place
up today, you know?Copy !req
645. Same old team,
all pulling together.Copy !req
646. I guess you're right.
Night-night, Kermit.Copy !req
647. Good night, Fozzie.Copy !req
648. OK, gather round, troops! Everybody,
time to get this rehearsal going.Copy !req
649. - Scooter, is everybody here?
- Almost everyone, chief.Copy !req
650. - Yeah...
- Hey, anybody got any kerosene?Copy !req
651. I wanna take these old pig
dresses out back and burn 'em.Copy !req
652. Hold it right there, sausage snout!Copy !req
653. Piggy?Copy !req
654. Well, look what the cat
dragged in.Copy !req
655. Come on.
Keep it up, Maurice.Copy !req
656. Sorry, Miss Piggy, but you've
been replaced... permanently.Copy !req
657. - Oh, yeah?
- Yeah!Copy !req
658. I don't think so... sister?Copy !req
659. Who you calling sister, sister?Copy !req
660. - Look, an omelet station!
- Where?Copy !req
661. Hiya!Copy !req
662. There's only one Miss Piggy,
and she is moi.Copy !req
663. Yeah, well, you ain't seen
the last of me! I'll be back!Copy !req
664. Yeah, yeah.
Heard of mouthwash?Copy !req
665. Welcome back, Miss Piggy.Copy !req
666. All right, all right,
don't crowd me!Copy !req
667. She sure hasn't changed.Copy !req
668. Piggy? You came back.Copy !req
669. I'm not here for you, Kermit.
I'm here for them.Copy !req
670. And, besides,
when this show's done,Copy !req
671. I'm catching the next plane
back to my life in Paris.Copy !req
672. OK, Piggy, OK. Places for
the opening number, everybody!Copy !req
673. Good morning, Veronica.Copy !req
674. - Morning, Frog.
- OK, everybody, take it from the top.Copy !req
675. Oooh!Copy !req
676. - You missed your cue.
- I know!Copy !req
677. There's kind of
a rhythm to this, you know?Copy !req
678. And if you like that one,
what's the bear capital of the world?Copy !req
679. Mos-cow!Copy !req
680. Ha.Copy !req
681. Hey guys, stop. Cut, cut, cut,
cut, cut. What's the problem?Copy !req
682. We can't keep time without
the drums, man! We need drums!Copy !req
683. - Sorry, Animal.
- No drums! No drums!Copy !req
684. - Jack Black said no drums!
- Animal, heel! Sit!Copy !req
685. - Who's next?
- In control.Copy !req
686. - Hey, Walter?
- Yes, Kermit?Copy !req
687. You think you might
wanna help us out here?Copy !req
688. Maybe do something in the show?Copy !req
689. Kermit, you know,
you've been so nice to me,Copy !req
690. but I have to face the facts.
See, the Muppets are so talented...Copy !req
691. Hey, guys, check it out!
Fart shoes!Copy !req
692. - Patent pending!
- And...Copy !req
693. I don't have any talent at all.Copy !req
694. The truth is...
I can't perform with you guys.Copy !req
695. I feel like a phony
just being here.Copy !req
696. Walter, just because
you haven't found your talent yet,Copy !req
697. doesn't mean you don't have one.
If you look inside yourself,Copy !req
698. I'm sure you'll find something
that you're really good at.Copy !req
699. OK, Kermit. I'll try.Copy !req
700. Take my picture!Copy !req
701. Welcome.
How many in your party? Two?Copy !req
702. No, just the one.Copy !req
703. All right, party of one, follow me.Copy !req
704. Excuse me, miss, are you
expecting anyone else?Copy !req
705. Oh... no.Copy !req
706. No, it's just me. Party of one.Copy !req
707. Order up!Copy !req
708. - OK, cue 17 is Fozzie's intro.
- Hey, Scooter? What's left?Copy !req
709. It's you, chief!Copy !req
710. Your duet. With Piggy.Copy !req
711. Miss Piggy?Copy !req
712. We're all out front
practicing our actsCopy !req
713. and seems that everybody expects
you and I to do a duet, so...Copy !req
714. That's so lovely,
but I'm afraid I can't.Copy !req
715. No, no, you see, I'm already doing
a duet with my new dance partner.Copy !req
716. Hola.Copy !req
717. OK, come on, rehearsing,
let's go. We gotta break it up.Copy !req
718. - Excuse us.
- 'Scuse us.Copy !req
719. Let's try that lift again,
shall we?Copy !req
720. The lift again.
OK, on my count this time, OK?Copy !req
721. In three, two... Wait for me!Copy !req
722. Good grief.Copy !req
723. Kermit! There you are. I've been
looking for you everywhere!Copy !req
724. So nice to see you, Veronica.Copy !req
725. Who's hosting?
Did you find a celebrity?Copy !req
726. Yeah, well, I've wanted to talk to you
about that, you see, because...Copy !req
727. Well, actually,
I'm kind of a celebrity.Copy !req
728. You?Copy !req
729. No. Kermit, listen.Copy !req
730. I will not air the show unless
you find a real celebrity host.Copy !req
731. I will rerun Benson
if I have to.Copy !req
732. Yeah, you see,
the thing is, Veronica,Copy !req
733. that's kind of impossible
because the show's in 12 hours!Copy !req
734. Twelve hours!Copy !req
735. I might as well just go and ask Tex
Richman to give us the studio back!Copy !req
736. And the Muppets are like a big family.
Well... And for us,Copy !req
737. that theater is... is like our home.
Which is why, in conclusion...Copy !req
738. we humbly ask that you
give us back our studio.Copy !req
739. It would certainly
mean a lot to us.Copy !req
740. Well, Mr. The Frog, let me see.Copy !req
741. Correct!Copy !req
742. The answer is no.Copy !req
743. Well, you could've just said that.Copy !req
744. - Contract.
- Contract.Copy !req
745. Contract.Copy !req
746. - Nicely done, sir.
- You see, Muppets,Copy !req
747. according to this contract,Copy !req
748. it's not just this studio
you lose the rights to tonight,Copy !req
749. - it's the Muppet name itself.
- What?Copy !req
750. And all characters
under the Muppet name.Copy !req
751. Wait a second. What possible use
could you have for our names?Copy !req
752. Told ya I'd be back.Copy !req
753. Well, now I am...Copy !req
754. back.Copy !req
755. And I see you've met Mr. Richman,
our new business partner.Copy !req
756. The Moopets are a hard, cynical act
for a hard, cynical world.Copy !req
757. Hey, Fozzie! I want you
to meet a friend of mine.Copy !req
758. - Wocka wocka.
- You're relics, Muppets!Copy !req
759. The world has moved on,
and no one cares aboutCopy !req
760. your goody-goody, hippy-dippy,
Julie Andrews and Dom DeLuise hostin',Copy !req
761. singin'-and-dancin' act anymore!
You're dead!Copy !req
762. And I just come to bury you.Copy !req
763. Now, get out of my office.Copy !req
764. - What?
- What is that supposed to mean?Copy !req
765. You said you were gonna talk
to the man!Copy !req
766. Guys! OK, so maybe
Kermit signed away the theaterCopy !req
767. and the Muppet name, but as long
as we have a celebrity host,Copy !req
768. we can still pull off a heart-warming,
last-minute triumph, right, Kermit?Copy !req
769. Well, actually I don't see
how we can, Fozzie.Copy !req
770. - Huh?
- What?Copy !req
771. Guys, the show's in six hours,Copy !req
772. and we're barely rehearsed,
and, well, I...Copy !req
773. I couldn't get us
a celebrity host.Copy !req
774. - Oh, no!
- What?Copy !req
775. I'm afraid Tex Richman's right.
The world's moved on.Copy !req
776. I'm sorry I dragged you guys
into this mess.Copy !req
777. Kermit?Copy !req
778. All right, listen up,
you freaks!Copy !req
779. I didn't come 5,000 miles
to not be on TV.Copy !req
780. All we need is one stinkin' celebrity,
and by any means necessary.Copy !req
781. Now, the frog's gone.
We're doing things my way from now on.Copy !req
782. Let's move!Copy !req
783. - Hey!
- Hi.Copy !req
784. - How was your day?
- It was great.Copy !req
785. I went to Guinness Book
of World Records... alone.Copy !req
786. Then Ripley's Believe It or Not...
solo.Copy !req
787. And then I ate lunch
unaccompanied,Copy !req
788. and then I walked back here...
independently.Copy !req
789. Listen, I got you these.Copy !req
790. You know, to make up for the
other ones. The broken ones.Copy !req
791. Thanks, sweetie.Copy !req
792. Listen, Gary.Copy !req
793. I was just wondering what
the plan was for dinner tonight.Copy !req
794. I don't care.
What do you feel like?Copy !req
795. OK. That's fine.Copy !req
796. That's just fine.
That's... that's perfect.Copy !req
797. I'm going to go for a walk.Copy !req
798. Individually.Copy !req
799. - Walter, hey.
- Gary.Copy !req
800. Where have you been? I need you
to help me figure out a talent.Copy !req
801. A talent for what?Copy !req
802. For the show. Kermit asked me
to do an act in the show.Copy !req
803. I... I could be a Muppet.Copy !req
804. Walter, that's amazing.Copy !req
805. Yeah, but I need to
figure out if I have a talent.Copy !req
806. Well, you know what?
I'm sure you'll think of something,Copy !req
807. but right now I actually...
I need your help.Copy !req
808. I'm starting to get the feeling that
Mary's upset with me about something,Copy !req
809. and I don't know what, and I was hoping
maybe you would talk to her for me.Copy !req
810. Gary, I'd love to help you out,Copy !req
811. but I can't leave the theater now.
This is important.Copy !req
812. Well, hold on a second.
I mean, my life is important, too.Copy !req
813. Yeah, but the whole reason we came here
was to see the Muppets.Copy !req
814. No, it wasn't!
The whole reason we came hereCopy !req
815. was to take a vacation where
I took Mary out to a fancy dinnerCopy !req
816. because it's our tenth
anniversary, and then...Copy !req
817. - Walter, what day is today?
- Friday.Copy !req
818. Yeah. Yeah, that's it.Copy !req
819. This is bad.
Walter, this is really bad. I have to...Copy !req
820. - Mary? Mary!
- Wait.Copy !req
821. Gary, I need you.Copy !req
822. OK, is everybody ready?Copy !req
823. Commence Operation
Celebri-nap. Masks on!Copy !req
824. - Masks on!
- Except for moi.Copy !req
825. Nothing covers this beautiful face.Copy !req
826. - No maskin'?
- No maskin'.Copy !req
827. Check the door on Stage 28.Copy !req
828. - I'm going over there now.
- She's done in makeup...Copy !req
829. I told you, I'm not done
putting on my balls!Copy !req
830. Hey, Animal.Copy !req
831. What are you doin' here?Copy !req
832. Acting. Natural.Copy !req
833. Now!Copy !req
834. Whoa!Copy !req
835. Hiya!Copy !req
836. Hiya!Copy !req
837. Mary, surprise! I figured out
why you're mad... at me.Copy !req
838. Gary, I've gone home.Copy !req
839. I love you, but you need
to decide, are you a manCopy !req
840. or a Muppet?Copy !req
841. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
842. - Gary.
- Mary.Copy !req
843. Kermit.
We have our celebrity!Copy !req
844. Mr. Jack Black has graciously
agreed to do the telethon!Copy !req
845. Oh, my gosh, that's amazing.
Where is he?Copy !req
846. - In the trunk.
- Get me outta here!Copy !req
847. You kidnapped Jack Black?
That's illegal!Copy !req
848. But, Kermit, what's more illegal,
briefly inconveniencing Jack Black,Copy !req
849. - or destroying the Muppets?
- Kidnapping Jack Black, Fozzie!Copy !req
850. Kermit, listen. Whatever
I may think of you right now,Copy !req
851. these guys are counting on you.
You inspire them.Copy !req
852. - What, to kidnap people?
- To work together.Copy !req
853. - To kidnap people?
- Mr. The Frog, we all agreedCopy !req
854. a celebrity is not a people.Copy !req
855. And now that we have a celebrity,
the show's back on.Copy !req
856. Come on, Kermit.
Don't let these guys down now.Copy !req
857. All right. Well, what are you
guys still doing here, huh?Copy !req
858. - It's showtime!
- All right!Copy !req
859. That's it!Copy !req
860. - Nicely done, sir. As usual.
- En garde.Copy !req
861. OK, very nice.Copy !req
862. Halt! Point left!Copy !req
863. Well done, sir. Thank you.
Thank you so much.Copy !req
864. And coming up next on CDE,
The Muppet Telethon.Copy !req
865. Kermit and friends host
a celebrity-studded gala,Copy !req
866. - with special guest, Jack Black.
- He's pretty good.Copy !req
867. - We're going to phase two.
- Yes, Mr. Richman.Copy !req
868. So do you think we're
working for the bad guy?Copy !req
869. Hurry! The show starts
in ten minutes!Copy !req
870. Where did you learn to drive?Copy !req
871. Hang on, everyone!Copy !req
872. Come on, guys. OK, listen up, everybody!
This is it! Five minutes to curtain!Copy !req
873. - Kermit?
- Get ready for the opening number.Copy !req
874. - Yes?
- I need to talk to you about my act.Copy !req
875. Listen, Walter,
I know you're gonna be fine.Copy !req
876. In fact, I'm sure you'll be great.
Scooter, who's up first?Copy !req
877. - Come on, come on, come on!
- No...Copy !req
878. Fly in the arches!Copy !req
879. - OK, first we have the opening theme.
- Of course. Yeah.Copy !req
880. - You come out and introduce Fozzie.
- Right.Copy !req
881. Then we have...
TV executive at six o'clock!Copy !req
882. - What?
- The show is a disaster, Frog!Copy !req
883. - Veronica...
- Where's the audience?Copy !req
884. I knew you guys
weren't popular anymore.Copy !req
885. I should have trusted that chart.
There's no one here!Copy !req
886. - What about Hobo Joe?
- Who?Copy !req
887. Why does everybody
forget about Hobo Joe?Copy !req
888. - Just a second. Scooter!
- Yeah, chief?Copy !req
889. - Did you hand out all those flyers?
- Of course. Every last one!Copy !req
890. Don't worry.
We'll think of something!Copy !req
891. You better.Copy !req
892. Yoo-hoo! You've got audience.Copy !req
893. It's me! What am I, invisible?Copy !req
894. Jack Black.Copy !req
895. Fifteen seconds to curtain,
Mr. Black.Copy !req
896. - Hi!
- Where am I?Copy !req
897. Why am I so fancy? What are you doing?
You're ruining my look!Copy !req
898. - We'll see you out there! Good luck!
- Stop cleaning me!Copy !req
899. - You sure got nice teeth, Jack Black.
- Yeah.Copy !req
900. We're here!Copy !req
901. - Start the show!
- Ready for some kind of entertainment!Copy !req
902. All right, good luck, everyone,
and cue Scooter.Copy !req
903. OK, we go live in three, two...Copy !req
904. Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome your host, Kermit the Frog.Copy !req
905. It's The Muppet Telethon,Copy !req
906. with our very special guest,
Mr. Jack Black! Yay!Copy !req
907. I always dreamed
we'd be back here.Copy !req
908. Dreams?
Those were nightmares!Copy !req
909. Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to The Muppet Telethon!Copy !req
910. We have Muppets standing by
to take your calls.Copy !req
911. - Yes, we are.
- Hi. Hello.Copy !req
912. Could I have a large pizza
with ham and...?Copy !req
913. Yes, and, boy, do we have
a wonderful show for you,Copy !req
914. with our special guest,
Mr. Jack Black!Copy !req
915. I'm being held captive
by these weirdos!Copy !req
916. Now you know how we've felt
for the past 40 years!Copy !req
917. Somebody, anybody, please call
the police. This is real rope!Copy !req
918. - Man, this 3-D is incredible!
- This is real!Copy !req
919. And by the way, folks, we have
plenty of room here in the audience,Copy !req
920. so if you'd like to come down
and see the show live...Copy !req
921. There's no audience in the theater.
Look, it's totally empty.Copy !req
922. Poor Walter.Copy !req
923. Maybe we should go back.Copy !req
924. No way, Mary.
I've made my choice already.Copy !req
925. I just sang a whole song
about it.Copy !req
926. I wanna stay here with you.Copy !req
927. So thank you.Copy !req
928. Ladies and gentlemen,
prepare yourselvesCopy !req
929. for the Great Gonzo's
most amazing feat ever.Copy !req
930. - Head bowling.
- What? No!Copy !req
931. I have not signed off on this!Copy !req
932. Drumroll, please.Copy !req
933. And a one and a two and a three!Copy !req
934. My fingers got stuck.Copy !req
935. All part of the act, folks.
Stay tuned.Copy !req
936. Please, make this end!
Please!Copy !req
937. This is great. Call 'em.Copy !req
938. Hello?Copy !req
939. You wanna give us some money?Copy !req
940. - Say yes!
- Yes! We will take that money!Copy !req
941. Hey, guys, we got us some money!Copy !req
942. Oh, yeah, tickets. Here we are.
Tickets. Thank you.Copy !req
943. Five dollars to show you your seat.
It's up there somewhere.Copy !req
944. - Help!
- OK, thank you, Gonzo.Copy !req
945. Thank you very much. Ladies and
gentlemen, we will see what happens withCopy !req
946. head bowling
a little later in the show.Copy !req
947. Up next is our furry funny man,
Mr. Fozzie Bear! Yay!Copy !req
948. Thank you, thank you,
and thank you.Copy !req
949. Boy, did I go to
a bad seafood place last night.Copy !req
950. The catch of the day was salmonella.
Wocka wocka!Copy !req
951. - OK.
- That joke's like 50 years old!Copy !req
952. So how 'bout
those shopping centers?Copy !req
953. You seen one,
you seen a mall! Take it.Copy !req
954. Make it stop!Copy !req
955. - Wocka wocka wocka wocka!
- Make it stop! No!Copy !req
956. - We're not a team! I'm not with him!
- What is happening?Copy !req
957. People are actually
watching this?Copy !req
958. Deadly! Bring the car!Copy !req
959. What am I gonna do?Copy !req
960. What am I gonna do?Copy !req
961. Walter? Sixty seconds
till you're on, Walter.Copy !req
962. You ready?Copy !req
963. No. Yes, yes, yes...Copy !req
964. Whoopi Goldberg?Copy !req
965. Selena Gomez? And... hi there.Copy !req
966. Yeah, look, somebody said there
might be a career opportunity here,Copy !req
967. - something about saving a theater.
- Yes, yes, of course.Copy !req
968. I don't really know who you guys are.
My agent just told me to show up.Copy !req
969. - That's great.
- Are you one of theCopy !req
970. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?Copy !req
971. Yes, I am, and let me
show you how you can help.Copy !req
972. And don't worry. It's just
your one shot to go on live TVCopy !req
973. before millions of people
to prove you have what it takesCopy !req
974. to become one of the Muppets.
Good luck.Copy !req
975. Up next, folks, I am proud
to present a brand-new actCopy !req
976. to the show.
Introducing Walter.Copy !req
977. That's not good.Copy !req
978. It appears that
Walter has stepped out, so it's...Copy !req
979. Well, it's back to the days of
yore down at the old barbershop.Copy !req
980. Oh, no! It's a barbershop quartet!
Get me out of here!Copy !req
981. Wait a minute.
What are you doing?Copy !req
982. Is that Nirvana? Stop it! No!Copy !req
983. You're ruining one of the
greatest songs of all time!Copy !req
984. Careful around the ears!Copy !req
985. That was hot!Copy !req
986. Hey! What's going on here?
Why is my body so big?Copy !req
987. What'd you do to my voice?
I sound like a chipmunk!Copy !req
988. Wait a second.
Did you guys shrink my head?Copy !req
989. Ladies and gentlemen,
Jack Black!Copy !req
990. Nice work, everybody.
Chickens, you're up next!Copy !req
991. It's going rather nicely.
We might just make this.Copy !req
992. And now I am
pleased and proud to presentCopy !req
993. those princesses of poultry,
Camilla and friends!Copy !req
994. Let's hear it for Camilla
and her farmyard friends!Copy !req
995. No, I... I don't know
why I'm not hosting this.Copy !req
996. So remember, folks, keep on calling
and you'll help us reach our goalCopy !req
997. of ten million dollars by midnight.
And if...Copy !req
998. Oh, dear.Copy !req
999. Ladies and gentlemen,
don't be alarmed.Copy !req
1000. We will get this sorted out
just as soon as we can. Scooter!Copy !req
1001. Well, that's that.
Nice try, Muppets!Copy !req
1002. Kermit, how are we going
to raise the rest of the moneyCopy !req
1003. with no electricity?Copy !req
1004. All right,
calm down, everybody.Copy !req
1005. - Is everybody OK?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1006. Well, we can't do the show
without power.Copy !req
1007. - Anybody got any bright ideas?
- Not now, Fozzie.Copy !req
1008. Ten-gauge gator grip.Copy !req
1009. I love it when you talk shop.Copy !req
1010. What? How'd they get
the power back?Copy !req
1011. We're gonna have
to get up on that roofCopy !req
1012. and shut 'em down for good!
Bolt cutters!Copy !req
1013. Bolt cutters.Copy !req
1014. Deadly! You come with me.Copy !req
1015. That's it.Copy !req
1016. To the end of the Muppets!Copy !req
1017. Deadly! What are you doing?Copy !req
1018. Enough!Copy !req
1019. Just because I have a terrifying name
and an evil English accent,Copy !req
1020. does not preclude the
fact that, in my heart,Copy !req
1021. I am a Muppet, not a Moopet!Copy !req
1022. Looks like it's I who
will have the last laugh!Copy !req
1023. - What does that mean?
- It's an idiom, you idiot,Copy !req
1024. because you cannot laugh!
Ha ha!Copy !req
1025. Oopsie.Copy !req
1026. Deadly.Copy !req
1027. Now that's a maniacal laugh
for you!Copy !req
1028. Hey, Gary, Mary, how'd
you guys get here so fast?Copy !req
1029. We travelled by map.
We thought it'd be quicker.Copy !req
1030. Hey, I'm sorry I bailed.
I just...Copy !req
1031. I realized you don't let
the most important personCopy !req
1032. in your world slip away.Copy !req
1033. - Hey, Scooter?
- Yeah?Copy !req
1034. Could you do me a favor
and take over hosting duty?Copy !req
1035. But, chief, I don't go onstage.Copy !req
1036. Well, just do what I do.
Pretend that the audience is naked.Copy !req
1037. Yeah, but, I...Copy !req
1038. Ha... ha... ha...Copy !req
1039. Miss Piggy?Copy !req
1040. You are all naked.Copy !req
1041. Well, sorta.Copy !req
1042. OK. Great!
And now, ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
1043. please welcome, a real hero...Copy !req
1044. You saved it?
After all this time?Copy !req
1045. Oh, Kermie.Copy !req
1046. I guess I'm not
that good at saying this kind of stuff.Copy !req
1047. - Yes, Kermie?
- Well...Copy !req
1048. over the last week,
I realized that...Copy !req
1049. I... I miss you.Copy !req
1050. And I need you.Copy !req
1051. And maybe you don't need the,
the whole world to love you.Copy !req
1052. Maybe you just need one person.Copy !req
1053. It's time for our song,
and if we don't raise the money tonight,Copy !req
1054. it might be the
last time we sing together.Copy !req
1055. And... Well, are you ready?Copy !req
1056. Oh, Kermie.Copy !req
1057. Hey, these are yours, man.Copy !req
1058. I kept 'em for ya.Copy !req
1059. - Drum.
- No drum.Copy !req
1060. - Drum!
- No drum!Copy !req
1061. - Drum! Drum!
- No drum! No drum!Copy !req
1062. You know what to do.Copy !req
1063. - Aaah!
- ♪ Someday we'll find itCopy !req
1064. Drum! Drum, drum! Drum!Copy !req
1065. Ah ha ha ha ha.Copy !req
1066. You still got it, man!Copy !req
1067. Piggy?
Will you stay... for me?Copy !req
1068. - For you, Kermie?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1069. Of course!Copy !req
1070. Woo hoo!Copy !req
1071. Thank you, everybody.Copy !req
1072. Thank you, all.
Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
1073. it's almost midnight and we haven't
quite reached our target yet,Copy !req
1074. but if you'll all just stick around,
we'll be right back with our final act.Copy !req
1075. The Muppet Telethon
will return after these messages.Copy !req
1076. Walter?
Walter, where are you, buddy?Copy !req
1077. Listen, everybody, the show ran short,
and we don't have anything else planned.Copy !req
1078. We need one last act
to bring us home.Copy !req
1079. I'm gonna go check on Jack Black
and see if he has any ideas.Copy !req
1080. You guys see if you can
come up with something.Copy !req
1081. We have two minutes!
Two minutes!Copy !req
1082. - Think, think, think!
- What am I thinking?Copy !req
1083. Walter. Walt!Copy !req
1084. - Walter!
- Gary?Copy !req
1085. - Wha... You came back.
- Walter.Copy !req
1086. What are you doing down here?Copy !req
1087. They just need one more act. You gotta
get out there and help those guys.Copy !req
1088. I can't. What if people
laugh at me? I...Copy !req
1089. I'd rather go back home to Smalltown.
With you.Copy !req
1090. Look, Walter,
you're my brother,Copy !req
1091. and I'm always gonna love you,
but you belong here, with these guys.Copy !req
1092. Hey, you're the one
who got Kermit to do this.Copy !req
1093. You're the one who brought
everyone here together.Copy !req
1094. You always believe in other people,
but that's easy.Copy !req
1095. Sooner or later, you gotta
believe in yourself, too,Copy !req
1096. because that's what
growing up is.Copy !req
1097. It's becoming
who you want to be.Copy !req
1098. You have to try.
Please, Walter.Copy !req
1099. You're my hero.Copy !req
1100. OK, Jack Black's got nothing.
What did you guys come up with?Copy !req
1101. - Bunsen can set Beaker on fire.
- No, no, no, we can't do that.Copy !req
1102. - I could break out the fart shoes.
- No, no, no, that will never work!Copy !req
1103. We're back in three, two...Copy !req
1104. Oh, no!Copy !req
1105. It's Walter.Copy !req
1106. Thank you.Copy !req
1107. - He's all grown up.
- That was wonderful!Copy !req
1108. Ladies and gentlemen, Walter!Copy !req
1109. It looks like we're going
to get our studio back!Copy !req
1110. This just in: the Muppets are
about to take back their studio.Copy !req
1111. Help! I've been mugged.
Alerting authorities.Copy !req
1112. - We're sorry...
- What happened? Hello?Copy !req
1113. - Hello?
- Guys, my phone is dead.Copy !req
1114. News flash: My phone is also dead.
Repeat, my phone is also dead.Copy !req
1115. Ooh...Copy !req
1116. I did it. I beat you.Copy !req
1117. Game over, Kermit. You lost.Copy !req
1118. Chicky!Copy !req
1119. Too late, Muppets. I won!
Turn that thing off!Copy !req
1120. The show is over!Copy !req
1121. But we were so close!Copy !req
1122. Or not.Copy !req
1123. It kinda makes me
feel better, honestly.Copy !req
1124. I mean, we were
nowhere close at all.Copy !req
1125. You artists formerly
known as the MuppetsCopy !req
1126. are standing
on private property.Copy !req
1127. My private property.Copy !req
1128. And I'm telling you to leave.
Now!Copy !req
1129. He's right, everybody.Copy !req
1130. He won. We gotta go.Copy !req
1131. Not now, Fozzie.Copy !req
1132. - I can't believe this.
- I know.Copy !req
1133. Well, that's that.Copy !req
1134. This isn't right.Copy !req
1135. It can't end like this.Copy !req
1136. But what can we do?Copy !req
1137. Listen, everybody, we've got nothing
to be ashamed of. And you know why?Copy !req
1138. Well, because thanks
to Walter here, we tried.Copy !req
1139. And if we failed,
we failed together,Copy !req
1140. and to me,
that's not failing at all.Copy !req
1141. And I don't care
what anybody says.Copy !req
1142. And I don't care if no one
believes in us, because I believe.Copy !req
1143. I believe in you.Copy !req
1144. - And you.
- Me?Copy !req
1145. And you.Copy !req
1146. You know, what's important
isn't this building or a name.Copy !req
1147. It's each other. So I say, fine,Copy !req
1148. let's just start at the bottom
and work our way back up to the top.Copy !req
1149. - Yeah.
- Let's all walk out through these doorsCopy !req
1150. with our heads held high.
As a family.Copy !req
1151. - Because that's what we are.
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
1152. Muppets, Muppets, Muppets!Copy !req
1153. Muppets, Muppets, Muppets!Copy !req
1154. All right.Copy !req
1155. Hey, where's Walter?Copy !req
1156. See? Your fans,
they love you guys!Copy !req
1157. Hey, Walter.
Aren't you gonna join us?Copy !req
1158. - Yeah! Come on!
- Come on, Walter!Copy !req
1159. - Come on, Walter!
- Yes. Come!Copy !req
1160. What're you waiting for, buddy?
Get over there.Copy !req
1161. Yeah, go ahead.Copy !req
1162. Muppets! Muppets!
Muppets! Muppets! Muppets!Copy !req
1163. How charming. A finale.Copy !req
1164. We're happier
when you don't sing.Copy !req
1165. Well, all of you. Yeah!Copy !req
1166. Hey, remember me?
I'm Jack Black!Copy !req
1167. No, what are you doing? Whoa, whoa.
No, no, no. Put me back down.Copy !req
1168. - All hail the Hobo King.
- What are you doing? This is insane.Copy !req
1169. I just have one question
I need to ask you.Copy !req
1170. Will you, Mary... marry me?Copy !req
1171. I own that name.Copy !req
1172. Hey, guys, I think I've finally
worked out how to...Copy !req
1173. "Oil" bet that hurt.Copy !req
1174. This just in: "Richman gives
back Muppet theater and name.Copy !req
1175. Change of heart.
Nothing to do with head injury."Copy !req
1176. - Yeah, for reallies!
- Yeah, you owe us money, man.Copy !req
1177. What the wocka?Copy !req
1178. Thank you.Copy !req
1179. Breaking news: "Miss Piggy
promises to stay out of the limelight.Copy !req
1180. Kermit says,
"We need some time alone".Copy !req
1181. - Kermie, I'm so happy.
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
1182. Let's share our happiness with ten of
the world's largest news publications.Copy !req
1183. - How's the quiet life, Kermit?
- Piggy, froggy!Copy !req
1184. - How are you enjoying your time alone?
- Piggy!Copy !req