1. Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.Copy !req
2. That's me, Walter.Copy !req
3. Where... Where'd you go?
Oh, there you are!Copy !req
4. I have the best life
in the whole world.Copy !req
5. That's my brother, Gary.Copy !req
6. He's the best friend
you could ever have.Copy !req
7. Yeah, I know what
you're thinking.Copy !req
8. We could be twins.Copy !req
9. Smalltown...Copy !req
10. the best town you
could ever grow up in.Copy !req
11. Gary and I did
everything together.Copy !req
12. And, as the years passed, my
brother was always there for me.Copy !req
13. I got it! Gary, throw me!
Throw me!Copy !req
14. Aaah!Copy !req
15. We were a great team.Copy !req
16. - Nice job, Walter.
- Thanks, Gary.Copy !req
17. Oh, don't get me wrong.
It's not perfect.Copy !req
18. - That was so fun!
- Nothing is.Copy !req
19. Sorry, kid.Copy !req
20. - I wanna do that again!
- Come on. I'll ride with ya!Copy !req
21. Hurry up!Copy !req
22. Even the sunniest days can
have a few clouds in them.Copy !req
23. Ride's bogus, anyway.
Hey, wanna rent a video?Copy !req
24. Yeah. Race you home!Copy !req
25. And, well, that night sorta
changed everything.Copy !req
26. It's The Muppet Show, with our very
special guest star, Mr. Steve Martin!Copy !req
27. I found them...Copy !req
28. The Muppets.Copy !req
29. I guess you could say I was
their number one fan.Copy !req
30. Oh, Gary, it's an entire
map of The Muppet Studios.Copy !req
31. And they made all
the difference.Copy !req
32. - Trick or treat!
- Because from then on...Copy !req
33. - Hey, guys.
- Oh, hey, Gary.Copy !req
34. - Hey.
- Hi-ho, guys. Yay!Copy !req
35. Is that Kermit the Frog?
What is this, 1978?Copy !req
36. even on the worst
days, I knew...Copy !req
37. that as the years passed...Copy !req
38. Cancel that last remark.Copy !req
39. as long as there are singing
frogs and joking bears...Copy !req
40. Swedish chefs and
boomerang fish,Copy !req
41. the world can't be such
a bad place after all.Copy !req
42. All right, good night, buddy.Copy !req
43. Oh, good night, Gary.Copy !req
44. And as long as there
are Muppets...Copy !req
45. - ... for me...
- ... hair-growing tonic.Copy !req
46. there's still...Copy !req
47. ... hope.Copy !req
48. Aaah. Bye-bye!Copy !req
49. Somebody get him!Copy !req
50. Animal. Hey, Animal, come on.
The show's about to start.Copy !req
51. Show! Show!Copy !req
52. Hey, Walter, why
don't you join us?Copy !req
53. Come on!Copy !req
54. No! Wait! I want to be with you guys!
Please let me in!Copy !req
55. Kermit!Copy !req
56. Whoa!Copy !req
57. Walter, are you OK, buddy?Copy !req
58. You're drenched in sweat.
Did you have the dream again?Copy !req
59. Ummm. No. Hey, so when are
you guys leaving today?Copy !req
60. Oh, um, just a couple hours now.Copy !req
61. Oh, wow, Gary, I think it is so cool
you're taking Mary to Los Angeles.Copy !req
62. I can't believe you guys have
been dating for ten years.Copy !req
63. I know. Yeah, she wanted to do something
special for this anniversary,Copy !req
64. and she's always wanted
to see Los Angeles, so...Copy !req
65. Hey, don't forget to send me a
postcard from The Muppet Studios.Copy !req
66. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.Copy !req
67. - I can't do that, Walter.
- But, Gary...Copy !req
68. Because...
you're coming with us!Copy !req
69. Oh, Gary!Copy !req
70. - But what about Mary?
- She's fine.Copy !req
71. - She said the more the merrier.
- I... I don't know what to say!Copy !req
72. The Muppet Studios are there, Gary.
I can't believe this!Copy !req
73. Better get a move on.
We don't want to miss that bus!Copy !req
74. No way! Who knows?
Maybe Kermit will be there.Copy !req
75. I wouldn't get your
hopes up, buddy.Copy !req
76. The Muppets haven't put on
a show together in years.Copy !req
77. I don't think they use the studios
for anything but tours any more.Copy !req
78. Nah, I think that's
just an Internet rumor.Copy !req
79. Like there's a country
called Turkey.Copy !req
80. Walter, how many times do
we have to go over this?Copy !req
81. - Turkey is a very real country.
- Wow, Muppet Studios.Copy !req
82. I can't believe it!Copy !req
83. Whoooa!Copy !req
84. Oooh...Copy !req
85. Sorry. I was super excited.Copy !req
86. All right, Carlos.
Flip the ignition.Copy !req
87. And that is how you fix
a 12-volt starter.Copy !req
88. Oh!Copy !req
89. You know what that means.
Spring break.Copy !req
90. It's OK. We'll be back to
studying in two weeks.Copy !req
91. Yay!Copy !req
92. - Have a nice vacation.
- Bye. Have fun.Copy !req
93. - Bye, Mr. Gary.
- Have a good break, guys.Copy !req
94. - Hey, great job, Carlos.
- Thanks.Copy !req
95. Enjoy your anniversary dinner.Copy !req
96. - Hi.
- I got you these.Copy !req
97. Oh. Sorry. It's probably from
the dance number I was doing.Copy !req
98. It's OK. They're really sweet.Copy !req
99. You excited for our big trip to LA?
I have our list.Copy !req
100. Me, too.Copy !req
101. Oh, this is the most
romantic thing ever.Copy !req
102. I've always dreamt of
seeing Los Angeles.Copy !req
103. I know.
Walter can't wait either.Copy !req
104. You don't mind that
he's coming, right?Copy !req
105. No. No, of course not.Copy !req
106. As long as we can spend our anniversary
dinner together. That's all I ask.Copy !req
107. Totally. It's gonna be the most
romantic anniversary dinner ever.Copy !req
108. I love you so much.Copy !req
109. Oh.Copy !req
110. - I love you, too.
- I'm gonna go check on Walter.Copy !req
111. Oh...Copy !req
112. OK, they're gone!Copy !req
113. Hey, Gary, what should we
do first at Muppet Studio?Copy !req
114. Cause I was thinking that maybe we
could start at Fozzie's Joke Room...Copy !req
115. Oh, no, wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
116. The lines might be shorter at
Honeydew's Laboratory of FunCopy !req
117. so maybe we should start there instead I just...
I just can't wait!Copy !req
118. Oh, Walter, don't be nervous.Copy !req
119. Oh, I know.
I just can't believe I'm here.Copy !req
120. The home of the Muppets!Copy !req
121. What...
What happened to this place?Copy !req
122. Where...?Copy !req
123. - Where is everyone, Gary?
- I don't know, buddy. It's so...Copy !req
124. OK, well, I guess you
guys are it for today.Copy !req
125. Anyway, welcome to the
original Muppet Studio,Copy !req
126. where dreams can come true.Copy !req
127. - Is this the Universal Studios?
- Yes, it is.Copy !req
128. OK, now if you'll just
follow me, please.Copy !req
129. OK. This used to be
Kermit's office.Copy !req
130. - Whoa.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
131. It's really the
highlight of the tour.Copy !req
132. You should see it sometime.Copy !req
133. OK, this next building is
where they kept the ropeCopy !req
134. and the medium-gauge wire for the productions.
Let's go take a look.Copy !req
135. Come on, buddy.Copy !req
136. Wow!Copy !req
137. Oh, boy.Copy !req
138. Oh.Copy !req
139. Whoa.Copy !req
140. There. Now this here is
Kermit the Frog's old office.Copy !req
141. Or so we've been "toad."Copy !req
142. Well, as you know, gentlemen, I've
loved the Muppets since I was a boy.Copy !req
143. And what better way
to honor the MuppetsCopy !req
144. than to make this beautiful
studio a Muppet museum.Copy !req
145. I think I'll call this roomCopy !req
146. the "Kermit the Frog's
Old Office Room."Copy !req
147. - Oh, that is lovely.
- Oh, good one, Mr. Richman.Copy !req
148. Now, this here is the standard
"Rich and Famous" contractCopy !req
149. Kermit signed 30 years
ago, that contains...Copy !req
150. - The deed to this property.
- Exactly.Copy !req
151. Now, this contract is 100 percent
ironclad, with one minor exception.Copy !req
152. If the Muppets can raise the ten
million dollars it would costCopy !req
153. to buy the building before
this contract expires,Copy !req
154. - then they get their studio back.
- You know, if I didn't know better,Copy !req
155. I'd say you were reciting some
sort of an important plot point.Copy !req
156. Well, I hope so. Otherwise, I just
bored the audience half to death.Copy !req
157. You mean half the
audience is still alive?Copy !req
158. It's nice doing
business with you.Copy !req
159. - Yes, sir. Come on.
- Goodbye.Copy !req
160. I love geriatric humor.Copy !req
161. Gentlemen, there's oil
under this studio.Copy !req
162. Yeah, I can smell it.Copy !req
163. And more importantly, the geological
survey says there definitely is.Copy !req
164. In two weeks, we tear
this place to the groundCopy !req
165. and start drilling.
Ah, those MuppetsCopy !req
166. They think they're so funny.Copy !req
167. Well, it looks like the
joke's about to be on them.Copy !req
168. Maniacal laugh.Copy !req
169. Maniacal laugh.Copy !req
170. Maniacal laugh. Maniacal laugh.Copy !req
171. Maniacal laugh.Copy !req
172. - Walter!
- Walter?Copy !req
173. - Walter!
- Walter!Copy !req
174. Yeah, so then, when he thought
they were alone, he said,Copy !req
175. "There's oil under
this studio, see.Copy !req
176. I'm gonna tear it
to the ground, see.Copy !req
177. - Sweet, sweet oil, see!"
- People still talk like that?Copy !req
178. Maybe that's just how
he sounded in my head.Copy !req
179. Either way, we've got to find Kermit!
He'll know what to do.Copy !req
180. How do we find Kermit?
Nobody's seen him in years.Copy !req
181. Stop the car! I've got an idea!Copy !req
182. Mmm.Copy !req
183. These are delicious!Copy !req
184. - Great idea, Walter.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
185. We've been doing this
for a long time.Copy !req
186. I think maybe we should
call it a night.Copy !req
187. Guys! - We can't give up, Gary.Copy !req
188. But it's getting really late.
Maybe we should just go back to the motel.Copy !req
189. - Guys!
- It...Copy !req
190. - What?
- What?Copy !req
191. - Maybe he lives there.
- Oh. That's it.Copy !req
192. So, what do we do now?Copy !req
193. I don't see a doorbell, and
the house looks empty.Copy !req
194. - Gary, throw me over.
- What?Copy !req
195. - Gary, just throw me over already!
- OK.Copy !req
196. - OK, here we go. OK...
- One, two, three.Copy !req
197. - That's good.
- Sorry.Copy !req
198. - No, it's good.
- Guys?Copy !req
199. I think that's an
electric fence.Copy !req
200. Mary, it's Kermit the Frog.Copy !req
201. - OK, buddy, head down.
- One, two, three!Copy !req
202. - It's an electric fence.
- Yep.Copy !req
203. Oh, my gosh. Walter? Walter, buddy?
Walter, can you hear me?Copy !req
204. Throw me again. - No, I don't...Copy !req
205. I don't think
that's a good idea.Copy !req
206. - What kind of throw was that?
- I think there's somebody coming.Copy !req
207. Excuse me...Copy !req
208. You OK? That was quite a tumble.Copy !req
209. Oh. Look, look. I think...Copy !req
210. Hey. Hey, Walter?Copy !req
211. - Walter, you all right, buddy?
- Where am I?Copy !req
212. OK, this is awesome.
We're at Kermit's house.Copy !req
213. - Oh, jeez. Walter.
- No, no, no, no, no. You OK?Copy !req
214. This... This is Kermit's house?Copy !req
215. Anyhow, how can
I help you guys?Copy !req
216. Let me just say, this is an honor
for all of us to meet you, sir,Copy !req
217. but my brother, Walter, has some
really disturbing news for you.Copy !req
218. - Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
- Not now, 80's Robot.Copy !req
219. Might I offer you a drink? Tab?Copy !req
220. Good grief. - New Coke?Copy !req
221. Listen. Not right now,
80's Robot, please!Copy !req
222. Bummer.Copy !req
223. - Watch out for the...
- Gag me with a spoon.Copy !req
224. - Yeah, head for the door.
- Grody to the max.Copy !req
225. Ow.Copy !req
226. Ow.Copy !req
227. I'm really sorry about that...Copy !req
228. Walter. What were you saying?Copy !req
229. - Yes. Tex Richman, the oil baron, is...
- Yes, yes, yes.Copy !req
230. Oil baron Tex Richman, the
wealthy philanthropist.Copy !req
231. You know, he's about to buy
our old Muppet Show theaterCopy !req
232. and turn it into a Muppet museum.
Isn't that great?Copy !req
233. - No! I mean...
- What Walter's trying to tell youCopy !req
234. is that Tex Richman has a secret plan to
tear down the theater and drill for oil.Copy !req
235. - What?
- The only way to save the studioCopy !req
236. is to raise ten million dollars.Copy !req
237. Ten million dollars?
That's impossible.Copy !req
238. - But...
- The only way to raiseCopy !req
239. that kind of money
would be to...Copy !req
240. would be to put on a show.Copy !req
241. And I haven't seen the old
gang in a long, long time.Copy !req
242. I guess people soft
of forgot about us.Copy !req
243. Hm?Copy !req
244. I didn't do it. I've been framed!
Ahh. Wocka wocka!Copy !req
245. Gonzo the Great will
ride this baby again!Copy !req
246. Muah!Copy !req
247. This legato tune is posolutely, most
transparently bringing me down.Copy !req
248. - For sure.
- One, two, and a half...Copy !req
249. Well, it sounds like you guys aren't
getting back together anytime soon.Copy !req
250. Mmm...Copy !req
251. This is going to be a
really short movieCopy !req
252. But, Kermit, you have to try.Copy !req
253. I... The Muppets are amazing.Copy !req
254. You give people the greatest
gift that can ever be given.Copy !req
255. - Children?
- No, the other gift.Copy !req
256. - Ice cream?
- No, no. After that.Copy !req
257. - Laughter?
- Yes!Copy !req
258. The third greatest gift ever!Copy !req
259. Kermit, your fans never left you,
the world hasn't forgotten.Copy !req
260. All you need to do
is show 'em again!Copy !req
261. Hmm.Copy !req
262. I don't think so, guys.Copy !req
263. Don't you see, Kermit?Copy !req
264. It's time to play the music.Copy !req
265. Please, Kermit.Copy !req
266. You're my hero.Copy !req
267. You're on my watch.Copy !req
268. Well, I... I guess...Copy !req
269. we could try.Copy !req
270. - We?
- Well, yeah, listen.Copy !req
271. If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna
need some moral support.Copy !req
272. Well, that's perfect.
We're experts at moral support.Copy !req
273. - Yeah!
- Good. I guess if we're gonna go,Copy !req
274. we better get going.
We got a lot of people to find.Copy !req
275. Oh, great!
But wait, how do we find 'em?Copy !req
276. Didn't you see our first movie?Copy !req
277. We drive.Copy !req
278. - So where do we go first?
- I shall take the libertyCopy !req
279. of using my modem to
locate the Muppets.Copy !req
280. - OK.
- GreatCopy !req
281. Oh, stop it!Copy !req
282. In the name of all that's
sacred, let it end!Copy !req
283. R-E-N-O. That spells "Reno."Copy !req
284. You have reached your destination.
My guidance ends here.Copy !req
285. Well, I guess this is the place.Copy !req
286. Good evening, folks, and
welcome to Pechoolo Casino!Copy !req
287. Cha-cha-cha!Copy !req
288. Thank you, thank you.
We'll be back in six minutes.Copy !req
289. Hmm.Copy !req
290. - Hi-ho, Fozzie.
- Hi-ho, Kermit.Copy !req
291. Kermit? What are you doing here?Copy !req
292. Well, I... I just want to
tell you that was a great show.Copy !req
293. It was... very informative.Copy !req
294. I do my best to keep
it fresh each night.Copy !req
295. - Oh, yeah.
- Oh, I'm Fozzie, by the way.Copy !req
296. Oh, I'm sorry.
This is Gary and Mary.Copy !req
297. And this here is Walter.
He's a personal friend.Copy !req
298. - Yeah.
- So I said, "What are you looking at?"Copy !req
299. So I punched him in the face!
I mean...Copy !req
300. - Let's talk in my dressing room.
- Sure.Copy !req
301. - OK.
- Here we are.Copy !req
302. Make yourselves at home.Copy !req
303. Wow.Copy !req
304. This is not quite
what I expected,Copy !req
305. - based on your Christmas cards.
- Oh, yeah. About that...Copy !req
306. Oh, but it's nice, and...
and airy.Copy !req
307. Maybe we should give
them some space.Copy !req
308. I know, but I wanna hear
what they're gonna say. OK.Copy !req
309. Sixty-four shows nightly
can get pretty grueling.Copy !req
310. Fozzie, an evil oil baron wants to
tear down our old Muppet studio.Copy !req
311. What? Oh, no!Copy !req
312. I mean, that's a shame.Copy !req
313. Step out of the vehicle!Copy !req
314. Hey, Fozzie...Copy !req
315. I'm sorry I haven't
been in touch more.Copy !req
316. It's fine, Kermit. Look at me!
Living the dream!Copy !req
317. Uh-oh.Copy !req
318. Oh, no! Not this again!Copy !req
319. - Quick, save the cushions!
- The cushions?Copy !req
320. I'm sorry, Fozzie.Copy !req
321. If I'd known you were
here in this place...Copy !req
322. That's all right, Kermit.
It's not your fault.Copy !req
323. - We had a good run.
- Yeah.Copy !req
324. Yeah, it's just that...Copy !req
325. Well, we haven't seen each other
in a really long time, and I...Copy !req
326. I just thought maybe we could raise
the money to buy the theater backCopy !req
327. if we all got together and
put on one last show.Copy !req
328. A show? But I've spent years
building a solo career.Copy !req
329. I have a whole new show-biz
family that loves me.Copy !req
330. Fozzie! What the heck are
you doing, hibernating?Copy !req
331. Next show starts in 30 seconds.Copy !req
332. We hired you, and we can fire you,
so get your butt in here now!Copy !req
333. - They terrify me. Let's go.
- Let's go.Copy !req
334. - Watch out for the forklift, Fozzie.
- Oh, thanks.Copy !req
335. Wow! Gonzo's doing really well!Copy !req
336. According to 80's Robot,Copy !req
337. he's the richest plumbing
magnate in the Rust Belt.Copy !req
338. You! Order 28,000 tons of
plumber's putty from Beijing.Copy !req
339. - Right away, sir.
- And, you, send the 28,000 tonsCopy !req
340. of Silly Putty back to Beijing.Copy !req
341. You bet. - Oh, and you?Copy !req
342. A memo to the waterless
toilet department.Copy !req
343. I don't care about the
mess, just keep trying.Copy !req
344. - Hi, Gonzo.
- Kermit? Fozzie? This is a surprise.Copy !req
345. - We need to speak to you.
- All right. Have a seat.Copy !req
346. Ah. Thank you!Copy !req
347. - I think I'll stand.
- No, really, you should try one! Comfy.Copy !req
348. It's our executive
line of used toilets.Copy !req
349. Anyway, I'm very busy.
I've got 30 seconds. Go.Copy !req
350. Uh... Gonzo, I'm not quite
sure how to say this, but...Copy !req
351. Don't forget to mention
the evil oil baron.Copy !req
352. Yes, Fozzie, I was about to.
Just give me a moment, OK?Copy !req
353. Gonzo, it would appear...Copy !req
354. Remember, evil oil baron.Copy !req
355. Fozzie, I'm going to get to that.
Please!Copy !req
356. - As I was trying to say...
- Evil oil baron.Copy !req
357. - OK, time's up.
- Thank you, guys.Copy !req
358. Gonzo, we're trying to get the
old gang back together again.Copy !req
359. - We really need you.
- My answer is no. Good day!Copy !req
360. Come on, guys. We should go.Copy !req
361. I just want to say, when I was
a kid, I saw you recite HamletCopy !req
362. while jumping your motorbike
through a flaming hoop, and...Copy !req
363. it made me feel like
I could do anything.Copy !req
364. Thank you. Yeah.Copy !req
365. - Good try, Walter.
- Hey, guys, up here!Copy !req
366. - Ya-haa!
- Huh?Copy !req
367. I've been wearing this under my
suit every single day for years!Copy !req
368. Look out below!Copy !req
369. Whoa, where you going?
You threw me off-balance!Copy !req
370. I can't see! Apollo 13!Copy !req
371. Citizens of Earth, the
Great Gonzo is back.Copy !req
372. I pledge never to
hold a plunger again!Copy !req
373. Run! Run! Run for your lives!
Run, run, run!Copy !req
374. - Run, guys!
- Run!Copy !req
375. Oh, my gosh, run everybody!Copy !req
376. It's gonna be big!
It's gonna be a big one!Copy !req
377. Wow! That was an expensive
looking explosion!Copy !req
378. I can't believe we had
that in the budget.Copy !req
379. So maybe if you look
inside yourself,Copy !req
380. the person you should be
most angry at is you.Copy !req
381. Is you.Copy !req
382. How have you been feeling?
Any more control issues?Copy !req
383. In control.Copy !req
384. Good. Psst. Animal!Copy !req
385. Excellent. - It's me, Kermit.Copy !req
386. Hey, we're having a meeting here, man.
You're being really rude, frog!Copy !req
387. Pardon us, please.
Animal, I need to talk to you for a second.Copy !req
388. We're getting the Muppets back together.
We need you to drum again.Copy !req
389. - Animal drum?
- Yes!Copy !req
390. - Please, sir.
- Drum! Drum, drum!Copy !req
391. - Drum, drum, drum!
- OK, OK.Copy !req
392. - In control.
- Good.Copy !req
393. I'm Animal's
court-appointed sponsorCopy !req
394. We don't use the "d-r-u-m" word.Copy !req
395. - It's his trigger word.
- His trigger word?Copy !req
396. Excuse me, Mr. Black.
I'm so sorry to interrupt,Copy !req
397. but it's very important to these
guys that they get their drummer...Copy !req
398. Gary!Copy !req
399. It's my trigger word, too.Copy !req
400. Jack, we talked about
this on Tuesday.Copy !req
401. Tuesday's another one
of my trigger words!Copy !req
402. Oh, I don't think so!Copy !req
403. Sorry.Copy !req
404. - Let's go, Animal.
- Bye-bye!Copy !req
405. - Animal, heel.
- Go, Animal! Be free, man!Copy !req
406. But remember! No drumming!Copy !req
407. Mr. Kermit, may I suggest
we save time and pick upCopy !req
408. the rest of the Muppets
using a montage?Copy !req
409. Great idea, 80's Robot.Copy !req
410. We greatly appreciate
your financial support.Copy !req
411. Eighty-seven point three miles to go.
Eighty-seven point two...Copy !req
412. 80's Robot, do you
have to do that?Copy !req
413. the secrets of
the universe...Copy !req
414. I guess we're in.Copy !req
415. Welcome to this week's edition
of "Everything Stinks."Copy !req
416. Whoa!Copy !req
417. Bye, Lisa.
Off to the TED Conference.Copy !req
418. Three, two, one.Copy !req
419. Think we should've
rented a bigger car?Copy !req
420. Hey, wait for me!
I wanna help save the studio!Copy !req
421. I wanna go with you!
Oh, not again.Copy !req
422. Wow. I can't believe
we're all back together.Copy !req
423. Even all you guys who
weren't in the montage!Copy !req
424. Yeah, how come you didn't
use me in the montage?Copy !req
425. I thought my story was
pretty interesting.Copy !req
426. - Rowlf?
- Wanna get back together?Copy !req
427. - OK.
- Good.Copy !req
428. Classic.Copy !req
429. Anyhow, looks like
we got everybody,Copy !req
430. so we can plan our telethon and
raise that ten million dollars.Copy !req
431. - Well, not everybody.
- No, I think everybody's here.Copy !req
432. - Where's...?
- All good!Copy !req
433. - Miss...
- All done here!Copy !req
434. Piggy?Copy !req
435. Kermit, we're going to
get Miss Piggy, right?Copy !req
436. OK, OK, OK, you're right.
We'll go get Piggy!Copy !req
437. My Minitel tells me she
is in Paris, France.Copy !req
438. Oh! Well, then we
drive to France.Copy !req
439. - You can't drive to France, Walter.
- Yeah. It's way too far.Copy !req
440. Then maybe we should
travel by map!Copy !req
441. - Good idea, Fozzie.
- Yeah!Copy !req
442. To Paris!Copy !req
443. Paris! Paris!Copy !req
444. Look at these ceilings!Copy !req
445. Yeah.
They must be very tall here.Copy !req
446. Yeah, very nice.Copy !req
447. Uh... Hi there. Excuse me.Copy !req
448. Miss? Pardon me, ma'am?Copy !req
449. Hi there! We're here to see
Miss Piggy, and it's urgent.Copy !req
450. Urgent! Urgent!Copy !req
451. - Is it urgent?
- Very. Yes.Copy !req
452. Let's have a look then, shall we?
She has an opening in...Copy !req
453. - ... early September.
- Early September?Copy !req
454. That's like six months from now!Copy !req
455. That's nothing.
Once I waited a whole year for September.Copy !req
456. She is the plus-size editor.
She's a huge deal and extremely busy.Copy !req
457. You can't just pop in
without an appointment.Copy !req
458. - OK, then.
- Thank you.Copy !req
459. - All right.
- Mean lady.Copy !req
460. - Close the door on your way out.
- Thanks a lot.Copy !req
461. - She wasn't very nice.
- Yeah.Copy !req
462. Guys! Muppet Man!Copy !req
463. - Yeah!
- That could work!Copy !req
464. Hello.Copy !req
465. I have an appointment.Copy !req
466. Oh, OK.Copy !req
467. Um...Copy !req
468. Will you wait here a moment?Copy !req
469. Decisions, decisions.Copy !req
470. - Eeny, meeny, miny, mo.
- I choose you.Copy !req
471. Mademoiselle Cochonnet?Copy !req
472. - Can't you see I'm busy?
- Of course.Copy !req
473. There's a...
man here to see you.Copy !req
474. He does have an appointment.Copy !req
475. An appointment? That's weird.Copy !req
476. Well, why didn't you say so?
Send him in!Copy !req
477. Right away. Sorry.Copy !req
478. - Ahahaha.
- Remember, left foot, right foot.Copy !req
479. Hello.Copy !req
480. Whoa.Copy !req
481. - What the...?
- Sorry.Copy !req
482. That looked expensive.Copy !req
483. - You look familiar.
- So do you!Copy !req
484. Please, have a seat.Copy !req
485. Yes, we're going to
have a seat now.Copy !req
486. - No, no, no, don't sit down!
- Oh, sorry! Whoa!Copy !req
487. Uh-oh.Copy !req
488. Message to head. Left leg in trouble!
Going down. Left leg going down!Copy !req
489. What?Copy !req
490. Ohh!Copy !req
491. I can't believe I
fell for Muppet Man.Copy !req
492. - You guys OK?
- Is anyone hurt?Copy !req
493. Kermit?Copy !req
494. - Hello, Piggy.
- Kermie!Copy !req
495. Oh, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie,
Kermie, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie!Copy !req
496. Mm, mm, mm. Kissy-kissy.
Mm, mm, mm!Copy !req
497. Wait! What am I doing?
I promised myself I'd never go back!Copy !req
498. I am woman! I am strong!
You must leave at once!Copy !req
499. - OK.
- No, no, wait, wait!Copy !req
500. Miss Piggy!
The Muppet Studios are in danger.Copy !req
501. In danger? Our studios? Kermit!Copy !req
502. It's true, Piggy. And we need to
do The Muppet Show again.Copy !req
503. We need you.Copy !req
504. Oh.Copy !req
505. Before I decide anything, I
need to talk with you, frog.Copy !req
506. Alone.Copy !req
507. Piggy? Last time we were together,
I said some things I regret.Copy !req
508. No. No, Kermit.
You were just being honest.Copy !req
509. You never intended to marry me.Copy !req
510. Not even after I
built us a houseCopy !req
511. where we could raise tadpoles
and grow old together.Copy !req
512. Well, who do you think's been looking
after that house all these years, huh?Copy !req
513. Piggy, why do you have to always
be so overdramatic about things?Copy !req
514. You know, it leaves me no choice
but to do things that hurt you.Copy !req
515. I am who I am.
Why can't you accept that about me?Copy !req
516. Look, this is not
about you and me.Copy !req
517. It's never about
you and me, is it?Copy !req
518. It's always we.
We this, we that.Copy !req
519. "We" need you. You can't even
say, "I need you," can you?Copy !req
520. Piggy...Copy !req
521. I'm sorry, Kermit, but
I have a life here.Copy !req
522. A life I've made for myself.Copy !req
523. Piggy!Copy !req
524. Just remember, Kermit,
I cannot be replaced.Copy !req
525. Kermit? What happened?
Where's Miss Piggy?Copy !req
526. She's not coming, Fozzie.Copy !req
527. But, Kermit, we always
worked together.Copy !req
528. We can't do this
without Miss Piggy.Copy !req
529. No one will give us
a show without her.Copy !req
530. We'll be fine, Fozzie.Copy !req
531. We'll be fine.Copy !req
532. We just...Copy !req
533. We'll just have to come
up with something else.Copy !req
534. Kermie.Copy !req
535. OK, I've got an idea.
We need a pig that can sing.Copy !req
536. But, Kermit, who could
possibly replace Miss Piggy?Copy !req
537. Hey, what's everybody
so quiet about, huh?Copy !req
538. - Well, she's sorta like Miss Piggy
- Come on, everybody.Copy !req
539. Let's go pitch our telethon and
get the Muppets back on TV, OK?Copy !req
540. - No.
- No.Copy !req
541. Oh, my goodness!
Oh, that's wonderful!Copy !req
542. That means no.Copy !req
543. - Come on, guys.
- Awkward.Copy !req
544. Listen, Kermit, I like you.Copy !req
545. I remember you guys
from when I was a kid.Copy !req
546. So I'm gonna shoot straight.Copy !req
547. You guys aren't
famous any more.Copy !req
548. I wish she'd shot a
little more curvy.Copy !req
549. Take a look at this diagram the
research department drew up.Copy !req
550. This circle represents everything
that's currently popular.Copy !req
551. And this tiny speck is you guys.Copy !req
552. So the answer's no.
It's not gonna happen.Copy !req
553. Take a look at the shows that are popular now.
Punch Teacher.Copy !req
554. - Oh! I love that show.
- It's time to punch teacher!Copy !req
555. - Finish him!
- It's my favorite.Copy !req
556. I just thought I could
make a difference.Copy !req
557. I'm sorry, but in this market, you guys
are no longer relevant. Have a good day.Copy !req
558. Before I go, I'd just
like to say something.Copy !req
559. I think kids are smarter and better
than all this junk, and if you...Copy !req
560. Veronica, bad news.
Punch Teacher has stopped production.Copy !req
561. It's being sued by the
Teachers Society of America.Copy !req
562. - What's their problem?
- No idea. I just found out.Copy !req
563. What are we supposed to do with
that 120-minute black holeCopy !req
564. in the schedule coming
up in two days?Copy !req
565. OK, Muppets.
You've got yourselves a show.Copy !req
566. - All right!
- Oh, yes!Copy !req
567. Thank you so much.
You will not be sorry, I promise, I promise!Copy !req
568. OK, enough! One, no more going nuts in my office.
These are new carpets.Copy !req
569. - Yes, ma'am.
- And two, you need a celebrity host.Copy !req
570. OK. Whatever, whatever.
Come on, guys, let's go. Yeah!Copy !req
571. - Let me wipe that.
- You've missed a spot.Copy !req
572. - I don't see it.
- Just a little lower!Copy !req
573. - Oh, I am so sorry. Did I get you...
- Yes.Copy !req
574. Well, gentlemen.
It appears we have some competitionCopy !req
575. on the Muppet propel"IY-Copy !req
576. The Economist says they've
gotten back together again.Copy !req
577. - The Muppets got back together?
- Remember?Copy !req
578. Gentlemen, please!
No singing in my office!Copy !req
579. - Yes, sir.
- But, of course, it was all his fault.Copy !req
580. - Mostly his fault.
- No matter.Copy !req
581. Point is, that studio and
that oil belong to me.Copy !req
582. Yeah, those Muppets are gonna beCopy !req
583. running home with their
tails between their legs.Copy !req
584. Some of 'em literally.
Because those ones have tails.Copy !req
585. Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh.Copy !req
586. That's a maniacal laugh moment.Copy !req
587. OK, this is it.
80's Robot, let's park around back.Copy !req
588. It's The Muppet Show,Copy !req
589. with our special guest
star, Mr. Bob Hope!Copy !req
590. Time once again for
Veterinarian's Hospital,Copy !req
591. the continuing story of...Copy !req
592. And now, Pigs in Space!Copy !req
593. Gary. Can you believe it?Copy !req
594. - The Muppet theater.
- Yeah.Copy !req
595. - Welcome back, everyone.
- Thanks.Copy !req
596. Well, I know the old place is not
quite at its best right now.Copy !req
597. Yeah!
Who cancelled the maid service?Copy !req
598. But don't worry. We'll be fine.Copy !req
599. Kermit, there's no way we can
rehearse with the place like this.Copy !req
600. Wait.
Kermit, don't say another word.Copy !req
601. Mary, Walter and I, well, we would be
happy to help you rebuild the theater.Copy !req
602. Honestly, it would be an
honor for all three of us.Copy !req
603. - So would.
- OK. Well, let's clean this place up!Copy !req
604. Yeah!Copy !req
605. - This is boring.
- But don't you guys remember?Copy !req
606. You're the Muppets!
You do this to music!Copy !req
607. Well, all right!Copy !req
608. - Hey, Animal!
- Yeah?Copy !req
609. Look what I found!Copy !req
610. - Beauregard!
- Scooter! Good to see you!Copy !req
611. Where's everybody been?Copy !req
612. Celebrity... celebrity!Copy !req
613. Hello! Yes. Could I speak with
President Carter, please?Copy !req
614. He moved? Well, you don't happen to have
a number where I could reach... Hello?Copy !req
615. Walter, I thought we were
gonna clean the balcony.Copy !req
616. - Doing a great job, pal.
- You're doing a great job.Copy !req
617. - Wocka wocka.
- Hey, guys!Copy !req
618. Look at these old
photos I just found.Copy !req
619. Oooh.Copy !req
620. Can you believe that 80's
haircut I used to have?Copy !req
621. I looked totally ridiculous!Copy !req
622. Yes, it's Kermit. The frog.Copy !req
623. Could you come to our celebrity
telethon this weekend?Copy !req
624. Sure. Sure, I understand.Copy !req
625. - Hey, shut the door!
- What is that?Copy !req
626. Say hello to the little friend.Copy !req
627. There goes dinner.Copy !req
628. Wow! Great job, everybody!Copy !req
629. Oh, hey, Kermit.
Listen, have a great night,Copy !req
630. and I just want you to know, Walter
and I are really good sewers,Copy !req
631. so we'll have those costumes
ready for you in no time.Copy !req
632. - Good. You two have a great night.
- OK. Thank you!Copy !req
633. - Bye.
- Kermit?Copy !req
634. Gary, I was kind of hoping that
we could go to the beach tomorrowCopy !req
635. - or see the Hollywood Sign.
- We'll have plenty of timeCopy !req
636. to do that stuff.
It's just, right now,Copy !req
637. I don't wanna leave Walter.
You know, he needs me.Copy !req
638. I don't know, sweetheart
he seems pretty happy.Copy !req
639. - Like that.
- Oh, OK.Copy !req
640. Now you.Copy !req
641. Yeah, that's it!
Yeah, yeah, good job!Copy !req
642. Well, just one more day, OK?
And then I'm all yours.Copy !req
643. Tell you what. Why don't you get a
head start on sightseeing tomorrowCopy !req
644. and then I'll be waiting
for you when you get back.Copy !req
645. OK. Just...
don't forget about me.Copy !req
646. Never.Copy !req
647. Well, we're still on for
dinner Friday, right?Copy !req
648. Yeah, of course.Copy !req
649. - Oh, Walter!
- Oh, yes, Kermit.Copy !req
650. Hey, listen, Walter, I
just wanna tell youCopy !req
651. that none of this would have
happened without you, so thank you.Copy !req
652. - Oh, well...
- And welcome aboard.Copy !req
653. Night, everybody.
Just sleep anywhere you can find a spot.Copy !req
654. "Welcome aboard"?Copy !req
655. Hey, Kermit. You awake?Copy !req
656. - Yep.
- What's the weatherCopy !req
657. - supposed to be like tonight?
- I don't know. Why?Copy !req
658. I just don't want it to rain
through the hole in the ceiling.Copy !req
659. Stars sure are pretty, though.Copy !req
660. We're gonna be OK, right?
We haven't done this in a long time,Copy !req
661. and I really don't
wanna go back to Reno.Copy !req
662. Don't worry, Fozzie.
We'll be fine.Copy !req
663. Look how we cleaned this
place up today, you know?Copy !req
664. Same old team, all
pulling together.Copy !req
665. I guess you're right.
Night-night, Kermit.Copy !req
666. Good night, Fozzie.Copy !req
667. OK, gather round, troops!
Everybody, time to get this rehearsal going.Copy !req
668. - Scooter, is everybody here?
- Almost everyone, chief.Copy !req
669. - Yeah...
- Hey, anybody got any kerosene?Copy !req
670. I wanna take these old pig
dresses out back and burn 'em.Copy !req
671. Hold it right there,
sausage snout!Copy !req
672. - Piggy?
- Huh?Copy !req
673. Well, look what the
cat dragged in.Copy !req
674. Come on. Keep it up, Maurice.Copy !req
675. Sorry, Miss Piggy, but you've
been replaced... permanently.Copy !req
676. - Oh, yeah?
- Yeah!Copy !req
677. I don't think so... sister?Copy !req
678. Who you calling sister, sister?Copy !req
679. - Oh, look, an omelet station!
- Oh, where?Copy !req
680. Hiya!Copy !req
681. There's only one Miss Piggy,
and she is moi.Copy !req
682. Yeah, well, you ain't seen the last of me!
I'll be back!Copy !req
683. Yeah, yeah. Heard of mouthwash?Copy !req
684. Welcome back, Miss Piggy.Copy !req
685. All right, all right,
don't crowd me!Copy !req
686. Wow, she sure hasn't changed.Copy !req
687. Piggy? You came back.Copy !req
688. I'm not here for you, Kermit.
I'm here for them.Copy !req
689. And, besides, when
this show's done,Copy !req
690. I'm catching the next plane
back to my life in Paris.Copy !req
691. OK, Piggy, OK. Places for the
opening number, everybody!Copy !req
692. Oh, good morning, Veronica.Copy !req
693. - Morning, Frog.
- OK, everybody, take it from the top.Copy !req
694. Oooh!Copy !req
695. - You missed your cue.
- I know!Copy !req
696. There's kind of a rhythm
to this, you know?Copy !req
697. Uh... Oh, and if you like that one,
what's the bear capital of the world?Copy !req
698. Mos-cow!Copy !req
699. Ha.Copy !req
700. Hey guys, stop. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
What's the problem?Copy !req
701. We can't keep time without the drums, man!
We need drums!Copy !req
702. - Sorry, Animal.
- No drums! No drums!Copy !req
703. - Jack Black said no drums!
- Animal, heel! Sit!Copy !req
704. - Who's next? Oh.
- In control.Copy !req
705. - Hey, Walter?
- Oh. Yes, Kermit?Copy !req
706. You think you might
wanna help us out here?Copy !req
707. Maybe do something
in the show?Copy !req
708. Kermit, you know, you've
been so nice to me,Copy !req
709. but I have to face the facts.
See, the Muppets are so talented...Copy !req
710. Hey, guys, check it out!
Fart shoes!Copy !req
711. - Patent pending!
- And...Copy !req
712. I don't have
any talent at all.Copy !req
713. The truth is... I
can't perform with you guys.Copy !req
714. I feel like a phony
just being here.Copy !req
715. Walter, just because you
haven't found your talent yet,Copy !req
716. doesn't mean you don't have one.
If you look inside yourself,Copy !req
717. I'm sure you'll find something
that you're really good at.Copy !req
718. OK, Kermit. I'll try.Copy !req
719. Take my picture!Copy !req
720. Welcome.
How many in your party? Two?Copy !req
721. Uh... No, just the one.Copy !req
722. All right, party
of one, follow me.Copy !req
723. Excuse me, miss, are you
expecting anyone else?Copy !req
724. Oh... no.Copy !req
725. No, it's just me. Party of oneCopy !req
726. Order up!Copy !req
727. - OK, cue 17 is Fozzie's intro.
- Hey, Scooter? What's left?Copy !req
728. Oh, uh, it's you, chief!Copy !req
729. - Hm?
- Your duet. With Piggy.Copy !req
730. - Miss Piggy?
- Hm?Copy !req
731. We're all out front
practicing our actsCopy !req
732. and seems that everybody expects
you and I to do a duet, so...Copy !req
733. Oh, that's so lovely,
but I'm afraid I can't.Copy !req
734. No, no, you see, I'm already doing
a duet with my new dance partner.Copy !req
735. Hola.Copy !req
736. OK, come on, rehearsing, let's go.
We gotta break it up.Copy !req
737. - Excuse us.
- 'Scuse us.Copy !req
738. Let's try that lift
again, shall we?Copy !req
739. The lift again.
OK, on my count this time, OK?Copy !req
740. In three, two... Wait for me!Copy !req
741. Good grief.Copy !req
742. Kermit! There you are.
I've been looking for you everywhere!Copy !req
743. So nice to see you, Veronica.Copy !req
744. Who's hosting?
Did you find a celebrity?Copy !req
745. Yeah, well, I've wanted to talk to
you about that, you see, because...Copy !req
746. Well, actually, I'm
kind of a celebrity.Copy !req
747. You?Copy !req
748. No. Kermit, listen.Copy !req
749. I will not air the show unless
you find a real celebrity host.Copy !req
750. I will rerun Benson
if I have to.Copy !req
751. Yeah, you see, the
thing is, Veronica,Copy !req
752. that's kind of impossible
because the show's in 12 hours!Copy !req
753. Twelve hours!Copy !req
754. I might as well just go and ask Tex
Richman to give us the studio back!Copy !req
755. And the Muppets are like a big family.
Well... And for us,Copy !req
756. that theater is... is like our home.
Which is why, in conclusion...Copy !req
757. we humbly ask that
you give us back our studio.Copy !req
758. It would certainly
mean a lot to us.Copy !req
759. Hmmm.Copy !req
760. Well, Mr. The Frog, let me see.Copy !req
761. Correct!Copy !req
762. The answer is no.Copy !req
763. Well, you could've
just said that.Copy !req
764. - Contract.
- Contract.Copy !req
765. Contract.Copy !req
766. - Nicely done, sir.
- You see, Muppets,Copy !req
767. according to this contract,Copy !req
768. it's not just this studio you
lose the rights to tonight,Copy !req
769. - it's the Muppet name itself.
- What?Copy !req
770. And all characters
under the Muppet name.Copy !req
771. Wait a second. What possible use
could you have for our names?Copy !req
772. Told ya I'd be back.Copy !req
773. Well, now I am...Copy !req
774. back.Copy !req
775. And I see you've met Mr. Richman
our new business partner.Copy !req
776. The Moopets are a hard, cynical
act for a hard, cynical world.Copy !req
777. Hey, Fozzie!
I want you to meet a friend of mine.Copy !req
778. - Wocka wocka.
- You're relics, Muppets!Copy !req
779. The world has moved on,
and no one cares aboutCopy !req
780. your goody-goody, hippy-dippy, Julie
Andrews and Dom DeLuise hostin',Copy !req
781. singin'-and-dancin' act any more!
You're dead!Copy !req
782. And I just come to bury you.Copy !req
783. Now, get out of my office.Copy !req
784. - What?
- What is that supposed to mean?Copy !req
785. You said you were gonna
talk to the man!Copy !req
786. Guys! OK, so maybe Kermit
signed away the theaterCopy !req
787. and the Muppet name, but as long
as we have a celebrity host,Copy !req
788. we can still pull off a heart-warming,
last-minute triumph, right, Kermit?Copy !req
789. Well, actually I don't
see how we can, Fozzie.Copy !req
790. - Huh?
- What?Copy !req
791. Guys, the show's in six hours,Copy !req
792. and we're barely rehearsed,
and, well, I...Copy !req
793. I couldn't get us
a celebrity host.Copy !req
794. - Oh, no!
- What?Copy !req
795. I'm afraid Tex Richman's right.
The world's moved on.Copy !req
796. I'm sorry I dragged you
guys into this mess.Copy !req
797. Kermit?Copy !req
798. All right, listen
up, you freaks!Copy !req
799. I didn't come 5,000
miles to not be on TV.Copy !req
800. All we need is one stinkin' celebrity,
and by any means necessary.Copy !req
801. Now, the frog's gone.
We're doing things my way from now on.Copy !req
802. Let's move!Copy !req
803. - Hey!
- Hi.Copy !req
804. - How was your day?
- Oh, it was great.Copy !req
805. I went to Guinness Book of
World Records... alone.Copy !req
806. Then Ripley's Believe It or Not...
solo.Copy !req
807. And then I ate lunch
unaccompanied,Copy !req
808. and then I walked back here...
independently.Copy !req
809. Listen, I got you these.Copy !req
810. You know, to make up for the other ones.
The broken ones.Copy !req
811. Thanks, sweetie.Copy !req
812. Listen, Gary.Copy !req
813. I was just wondering what the
plan was for dinner tonight.Copy !req
814. Oh, I don't care.
What do you feel like?Copy !req
815. OK. That's fine.Copy !req
816. That's just fine. That's...
that's perfect.Copy !req
817. I'm going to go for a walk.Copy !req
818. Individually.Copy !req
819. - Walter, hey.
- Gary.Copy !req
820. Oh, where have you been?
I need you to help me figure out a talent.Copy !req
821. A talent for what?Copy !req
822. For the show. Kermit asked
me to do an act in the show.Copy !req
823. I... I could be a Muppet.Copy !req
824. Wow.
Wow, Walter, that's amazing.Copy !req
825. Yeah, but I need to figure
out if I have a talent.Copy !req
826. Well, you know what?
I'm sure you'll think of something,Copy !req
827. but right now I actually...
I need your help.Copy !req
828. I'm starting to get the feeling that
Mary's upset with me about something,Copy !req
829. and I don't know what, and I was hoping
maybe you would talk to her for me.Copy !req
830. Gary, I'd love to help you out,Copy !req
831. but I can't leave the theater now.
This is important.Copy !req
832. Well, hold on a second.
I mean, my life is important, tooCopy !req
833. Yeah, but the whole reason we
came here was to see the Muppets.Copy !req
834. No, it wasn't!
The whole reason we came hereCopy !req
835. was to take a vacation where I
took Mary out to a fancy dinnerCopy !req
836. because it's our tenth
anniversary, and then...Copy !req
837. - Walter, what day is today?
- Friday.Copy !req
838. Yeah. Yeah, that's it.Copy !req
839. This is bad. Walter, this is really bad.
I have to...Copy !req
840. - Mary? Mary!
- Wait.Copy !req
841. Gary, I need you.Copy !req
842. OK, is everybody ready?Copy !req
843. Commence Operation Celebri-nap.
Masks on!Copy !req
844. - Masks on!
- Except for moi.Copy !req
845. Nothing covers this
beautiful face.Copy !req
846. No maskin'? - No maskin'.Copy !req
847. Check the door on Stage 28.Copy !req
848. - I'm going over there now.
- She's done in makeup...Copy !req
849. I told you, I'm not done
putting on my balls!Copy !req
850. Oh, hey, Animal.Copy !req
851. What are you doin' here?Copy !req
852. Acting. Natural.Copy !req
853. Now!Copy !req
854. Whoa!Copy !req
855. Hiya!Copy !req
856. Hiya!Copy !req
857. Mary, surprise!
I figured out why you're mad... at me.Copy !req
858. Gary, I've gone home.Copy !req
859. I love you, but you need to
decide, are you a manCopy !req
860. or a Muppet?Copy !req
861. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
862. - Oh, Gary.
- Mary.Copy !req
863. Kermit. We have our celebrity!Copy !req
864. Mr. Jack Black has graciously
agreed to do the telethon!Copy !req
865. Oh, my gosh, that's amazing.
Where is he?Copy !req
866. - In the trunk.
- Get me outta here!Copy !req
867. You kidnapped Jack Black?
That's illegal!Copy !req
868. But, Kermit, what's more illegal,
briefly inconveniencing Jack Black,Copy !req
869. - or destroying the Muppets?
- Kidnapping Jack Black, Fozzie!Copy !req
870. Kermit, listen.
Whatever I may think of you right now,Copy !req
871. these guys are counting on you.
You inspire them.Copy !req
872. - What, to kidnap people?
- To work together.Copy !req
873. - To kidnap people?
- Mr. The Frog, we all agreedCopy !req
874. a celebrity is not a people.Copy !req
875. And now that we have a
celebrity, the show's back on.Copy !req
876. Come on, Kermit.
Don't let these guys down now.Copy !req
877. All right. Well, what are you
guys still doing here, huh?Copy !req
878. - It's showtime!
- All right!Copy !req
879. That's it!Copy !req
880. - Nicely done, sir. As usual.
- En garde.Copy !req
881. Ow! Ow.Copy !req
882. OK, very nice.Copy !req
883. Halt! Point left!Copy !req
884. Well done, sir. Thank you.
Thank you so much.Copy !req
885. And coming up next on CDE,
The Muppet Telethon.Copy !req
886. Kermit and friends host a
celebrity-studded gala,Copy !req
887. - with special guest, Jack Black.
- Oh! He's pretty good.Copy !req
888. - We're going to phase two.
- Yes, Mr. Richman.Copy !req
889. So do you think we're
working for the bad guy?Copy !req
890. Hurry!
The show starts in ten minutes!Copy !req
891. Where did you learn to drive?Copy !req
892. Hang on, everyone!Copy !req
893. Come on, guys. OK, listen up, everybody!
This is it! Five minutes to curtain!Copy !req
894. - Kermit?
- Get ready for the opening number.Copy !req
895. - Yes?
- I need to talk to you about my act.Copy !req
896. Listen, Walter, I know
you're gonna be fine.Copy !req
897. In fact, I'm sure you'll be great.
Scooter, who's up first?Copy !req
898. - Come on, come on, come on!
- No...Copy !req
899. Fly in the arches!Copy !req
900. - OK, first we have the opening theme.
- Of course. Yeah.Copy !req
901. - You come out and introduce Fozzie.
- Right.Copy !req
902. Then we have...
TV executive at six o'clock!Copy !req
903. - What?
- The show is a disaster, Frog!Copy !req
904. - Veronica...
- Where's the audience?Copy !req
905. I knew you guys weren't
popular any more.Copy !req
906. I should have trusted that chart.
There's no one here!Copy !req
907. - What about Hobo Joe?
- Who?Copy !req
908. Why does everybody
forget about Hobo Joe?Copy !req
909. - Just a second. Scooter!
- Yeah, chief?Copy !req
910. - Did you hand out all those flyers?
- Of course. Every last one!Copy !req
911. Don't worry.
We'll think of something!Copy !req
912. You betterCopy !req
913. Yoo-hoo! You've got audience.Copy !req
914. It's me! What am I, invisible?Copy !req
915. Jack Black.Copy !req
916. Fifteen seconds to
curtain, Mr. BlackCopy !req
917. - Hi!
- Ah! Where am I?Copy !req
918. Why am I so fancy? What are you doing?
You're ruining my look!Copy !req
919. - We'll see you out there! Good luck!
- Stop cleaning me!Copy !req
920. - You sure got nice teeth, Jack Black.
- Yeah.Copy !req
921. We're here!Copy !req
922. - Start the show!
- Ready for some kind of entertainment!Copy !req
923. All right, good luck,
everyone, and cue Scooter.Copy !req
924. OK, we go live in three, two...Copy !req
925. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
your host, Kermit the Frog.Copy !req
926. It's The Muppet Telethon,Copy !req
927. with our very special guest,
Mr. Jack Black! Yay!Copy !req
928. I always dreamed
we'd be back here.Copy !req
929. Dreams? Those were nightmares!Copy !req
930. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to The Muppet Telethon!Copy !req
931. We have Muppets standing
by to take your calls.Copy !req
932. - Yes, we are.
- Hi. Hello.Copy !req
933. Could I have a large
pizza with ham and...?Copy !req
934. Yes, and, boy, do we have
a wonderful show for you,Copy !req
935. with our special guest,
Mr. Jack Black!Copy !req
936. I'm being held captive
by these weirdos!Copy !req
937. Now you know how we've felt
for the past 40 years!Copy !req
938. Somebody, anybody, please call the police.
This is real rope!Copy !req
939. - Man, this 3-D is incredible!
- This is real!Copy !req
940. Oh, and by the way, folks, we have
plenty of room here in the audience,Copy !req
941. so if you'd like to come down
and see the show live...Copy !req
942. There's no audience in the theater.
Look, it's totally empty.Copy !req
943. Poor Walter.Copy !req
944. Maybe we should go back.Copy !req
945. No way, Mary.
I've made my choice already.Copy !req
946. I just sang a whole
song about it.Copy !req
947. I wanna stay here with you.Copy !req
948. So thank you.Copy !req
949. Ladies and gentlemen,
prepare yourselvesCopy !req
950. for the Great Gonzo's
most amazing feat ever.Copy !req
951. - Head bowling.
- What? No!Copy !req
952. I have not signed off on this!Copy !req
953. Drumroll, please.Copy !req
954. And a one and a
two and a three!Copy !req
955. Uh-oh. Uh...
My fingers got stuck.Copy !req
956. All part of the act, folks.
Stay tuned.Copy !req
957. Please, make this end! Please!Copy !req
958. This is great. Call 'em.Copy !req
959. Hello?Copy !req
960. You wanna give us some money?
Uhhh...Copy !req
961. - Say yes!
- Yes! We will take that money!Copy !req
962. Hey, guys, we got us some money!Copy !req
963. Oh, yeah, tickets. Here we are.
Tickets. Thank you.Copy !req
964. Five dollars to show you your seat.
It's up there somewhere.Copy !req
965. - Help!
- OK, thank you, Gonzo.Copy !req
966. Thank you very much. Ladies and gentlemen,
we will see what happens withCopy !req
967. head bowling a little
later in the show.Copy !req
968. Up next is our furry funny
man, Mr. Fozzie Bear! Yay!Copy !req
969. Thank you, thank you,
and thank you.Copy !req
970. Boy, did I go to a bad
seafood place last night.Copy !req
971. The catch of the day was salmonella.
Wocka wocka!Copy !req
972. - OK.
- Ah! That joke's like 50 years old!Copy !req
973. So how 'bout those
shopping centers?Copy !req
974. You seen one, you seen a mall!
Take it.Copy !req
975. Make it stop!Copy !req
976. - Wocka wocka wocka wocka!
- Make it stop! No!Copy !req
977. - We're not a team! I'm not with him!
- What is happening?Copy !req
978. People are actually
watching this?Copy !req
979. Deadly! Bring the car!Copy !req
980. What am I gonna do?Copy !req
981. What am I gonna do?Copy !req
982. Walter? Sixty seconds
till you're on, Walter.Copy !req
983. You ready?Copy !req
984. No. Yes, yes, yes...Copy !req
985. Whoopi Goldberg?Copy !req
986. Selena Gomez? And... hi there.Copy !req
987. Yeah, look, somebody said there
might be a career opportunity hereCopy !req
988. - something about saving a theater.
- Yes, yes, of course.Copy !req
989. I don't really know who you guys are
My agent just told me to show up.Copy !req
990. - That's great.
- Are you one of theCopy !req
991. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?Copy !req
992. Yes, I am, and let me show
you how you can help.Copy !req
993. And don't worry.
It's just your one shot to go on live TVCopy !req
994. before millions of people to
prove you have what it takesCopy !req
995. to become one of the Muppets.
Good luck.Copy !req
996. Up next, folks, I am proud
to present a brand-new actCopy !req
997. to the show. Introducing Walter.Copy !req
998. That's not good.Copy !req
999. It appears that Walter has
stepped out, so it's...Copy !req
1000. Well, it's back to the days of
yore down at the old barbershop.Copy !req
1001. Oh, no! It's a barbershop quartet!
Get me out of here!Copy !req
1002. Wait a minute.
What are you doing?Copy !req
1003. Is that Nirvana? Stop it! No!Copy !req
1004. You're ruining one of the
greatest songs of all time!Copy !req
1005. Ow!Copy !req
1006. Careful around the ears!Copy !req
1007. Ah! That was hot!Copy !req
1008. Hey! What's going on here?
Why is my body so big?Copy !req
1009. What'd you do to my voice?
I sound like a chipmunk!Copy !req
1010. Wait a second.
Did you guys shrink my head?Copy !req
1011. Ladies and gentlemen,
Jack Black!Copy !req
1012. Nice work, everybody.
Chickens, you're up next!Copy !req
1013. It's going rather nicely.
We might just make thisCopy !req
1014. And now I am pleased
and proud to presentCopy !req
1015. those princesses of poultry,
Camilla and friends!Copy !req
1016. Let's hear it for Camilla
and her farmyard friends!Copy !req
1017. No, I... I don't know why
I'm not hosting this.Copy !req
1018. So remember, folks, keep on calling
and you'll help us reach our goalCopy !req
1019. of ten million dollars by midnight.
And if...Copy !req
1020. Oh, dear.Copy !req
1021. Ladies and gentlemen,
don't be alarmed.Copy !req
1022. We will get this sorted out just
as soon as we can. Scooter!Copy !req
1023. Well, that's that.
Nice try, Muppets!Copy !req
1024. Kermit, how are we going to
raise the rest of the moneyCopy !req
1025. with no electricity?Copy !req
1026. All right, calm down, everybody.Copy !req
1027. - Is everybody OK?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1028. Well, we can't do the
show without power.Copy !req
1029. - Anybody got any bright ideas?
- Not now, Fozzie.Copy !req
1030. Ten-gauge gator grip.Copy !req
1031. I love it when you talk shop.Copy !req
1032. Oh!Copy !req
1033. What?
How'd they get the power back?Copy !req
1034. We're gonna have to
get up on that roofCopy !req
1035. and shut 'em down for good!
Bolt cutters!Copy !req
1036. Bolt cutters.Copy !req
1037. Deadly! You come with me.Copy !req
1038. That's it.Copy !req
1039. Hm.Copy !req
1040. To the end of the Muppets!Copy !req
1041. Deadly! What are you doing?Copy !req
1042. Enough!Copy !req
1043. Just because I have a terrifying
name and an evil English accent,Copy !req
1044. does not preclude the
fact that, in my heart,Copy !req
1045. I am a Muppet, not a Moopet!Copy !req
1046. Looks like it's I who
will have the last laugh!Copy !req
1047. - What does that mean?
- It's an idiom, you idiot,Copy !req
1048. because you cannot laugh! Ha ha!Copy !req
1049. Oopsie.Copy !req
1050. Deadly.Copy !req
1051. Now that's a maniacal
laugh for you!Copy !req
1052. Hey, Gary, Mary, how'd you
guys get here so fast?Copy !req
1053. We travelled by map.
We thought it'd be quicker.Copy !req
1054. Hey, I'm sorry I bailed.
I just...Copy !req
1055. I realized you don't let
the most important personCopy !req
1056. in your world slip away.Copy !req
1057. - Hey, Scooter?
- Yeah?Copy !req
1058. Could you do me a favor and
take over hosting duty?Copy !req
1059. But, chief, I don't go onstage.Copy !req
1060. Well, just do what I do.
Pretend that the audience is naked.Copy !req
1061. Yeah, but, I...Copy !req
1062. Ha... ha... ha...Copy !req
1063. Uh, Miss Piggy?Copy !req
1064. You are all naked.Copy !req
1065. Well, sorta.Copy !req
1066. OK. Great!
And now, ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
1067. please welcome, a real hero...Copy !req
1068. You saved it?
After all this time?Copy !req
1069. Oh, Kermie.Copy !req
1070. I guess I'm not that good at
saying this kind of stuff.Copy !req
1071. - Yes, Kermie?
- Well...Copy !req
1072. over the last week,
I realized that...Copy !req
1073. I miss you.Copy !req
1074. And I need you.Copy !req
1075. And maybe you don't need the,
the whole world to love you.Copy !req
1076. Maybe you just need one person.Copy !req
1077. It's time for our song, and if we
don't raise the money tonight,Copy !req
1078. it might be the last
time we sing together.Copy !req
1079. And... Well, are you ready?Copy !req
1080. Oh, Kermie.Copy !req
1081. Hey, these are yours, man.Copy !req
1082. I kept 'em for ya.Copy !req
1083. - Drum.
- No drumCopy !req
1084. - Drum!
- No drum!Copy !req
1085. - Drum! Drum!
- No drum! No drum!Copy !req
1086. You know what to do.Copy !req
1087. Aaah! ♪ Someday we'll find itCopy !req
1088. Drum! Drum, drum! Drum!Copy !req
1089. Ah ha ha ha ha.Copy !req
1090. You still got it, man!Copy !req
1091. Piggy? Will you stay... for me?Copy !req
1092. - For you, Kermie?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1093. Of course!Copy !req
1094. Woo hoo!Copy !req
1095. Thank you, everybody.Copy !req
1096. Thank you, all.
Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
1097. it's almost midnight and we haven't
quite reached our target yet,Copy !req
1098. but if you'll all just stick around,
we'll be right back with our final act.Copy !req
1099. The Muppet Telethon will
return after these messages.Copy !req
1100. Walter?
Walter, where are you, buddy?Copy !req
1101. Listen, everybody, the show ran short,
and we don't have anything else planned.Copy !req
1102. We need one last act
to bring us home.Copy !req
1103. I'm gonna go check on Jack Black
and see if he has any ideas.Copy !req
1104. You guys see if you can
come up with something.Copy !req
1105. We have two minutes!
Two minutes!Copy !req
1106. - Think, think, think!
- What am I thinking?Copy !req
1107. Walter. Walt!Copy !req
1108. - Walter!
- Gary?Copy !req
1109. - Wha... You came back.
- Walter.Copy !req
1110. What are you doing down here?Copy !req
1111. They just need one more act.
You gotta get out there and help those guys.Copy !req
1112. I can't. What if people laugh at me?
I...Copy !req
1113. I'd rather go back home to Smalltown.
With you.Copy !req
1114. Look, Walter, you're my brother,Copy !req
1115. and I'm always gonna love you, but
you belong here, with these guys.Copy !req
1116. Hey, you're the one who
got Kermit to do this.Copy !req
1117. You're the one who brought
everyone here together.Copy !req
1118. You always believe in other
people, but that's easy.Copy !req
1119. Sooner or later, you gotta
believe in yourself, too,Copy !req
1120. because that's what
growing up is.Copy !req
1121. It's becoming who
you want to be.Copy !req
1122. You have to try. Please, Walter.Copy !req
1123. You're my hero.Copy !req
1124. OK, Jack Black's got nothing.
What did you guys come up with?Copy !req
1125. - Bunsen can set Beaker on fire.
- No, no, no, we can't do that.Copy !req
1126. - I could break out the fart shoes.
- No, no, no, that will never work!Copy !req
1127. We're back in three, two...Copy !req
1128. Oh, no!Copy !req
1129. It's Walter.Copy !req
1130. Thank you.Copy !req
1131. - He's all grown up.
- Oh, that was wonderful!Copy !req
1132. Ladies and gentlemen, Walter!Copy !req
1133. It looks like we're going
to get our studio back!Copy !req
1134. the Muppets are about to
take back their studio.Copy !req
1135. Help! I've been mugged.
Alerting authorities.Copy !req
1136. - We're sorry...
- What happened? Hello?Copy !req
1137. - Hello?
- Guys, my phone is dead.Copy !req
1138. My phone is also dead.
Repeat, my phone is also dead.Copy !req
1139. Ooh...Copy !req
1140. I did it. I beat you.Copy !req
1141. Game over, Kermit. You lost.Copy !req
1142. Chicky!Copy !req
1143. Too late, Muppets. I won!
Turn that thing off!Copy !req
1144. The show is over!Copy !req
1145. But we were so close!Copy !req
1146. Or not.Copy !req
1147. It kinda makes me feel
better, honestly.Copy !req
1148. I mean, we were
nowhere close at all.Copy !req
1149. You artists formerly
known as the MuppetsCopy !req
1150. are standing on
private property.Copy !req
1151. My private propertyCopy !req
1152. And I'm telling you to leave.
Now!Copy !req
1153. He's right, everybody.Copy !req
1154. He won. We gotta go.Copy !req
1155. Not now, Fozzie.Copy !req
1156. - I can't believe this.
- I know.Copy !req
1157. Well, that's that.Copy !req
1158. This isn't right.Copy !req
1159. It can't end like this.Copy !req
1160. But what can we do?Copy !req
1161. Listen, everybody, we've got nothing
to be ashamed of. And you know why?Copy !req
1162. Well, because thanks to
Walter here, we tried.Copy !req
1163. And if we failed,
we failed together,Copy !req
1164. and to me, that's
not failing at all.Copy !req
1165. And I don't care what
anybody says.Copy !req
1166. And I don't care if no one
believes in us, because I believe.Copy !req
1167. - I believe in you.
- Huh?Copy !req
1168. - And you.
- Me?Copy !req
1169. And you.Copy !req
1170. You know, what's important
isn't this building or a name.Copy !req
1171. It's each other. So I say, fine,Copy !req
1172. let's just start at the bottom and
work our way back up to the top.Copy !req
1173. - Yeah.
- Let's all walk out through these doorsCopy !req
1174. with our heads held high.
As a family.Copy !req
1175. - Because that's what we are.
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
1176. Muppets, Muppets, Muppets!Copy !req
1177. Wow.Copy !req
1178. Muppets, Muppets, Muppets!Copy !req
1179. All right.Copy !req
1180. - Wow.
- Wow.Copy !req
1181. Hey, where's Walter?Copy !req
1182. See?
Your fans, they love you guys!Copy !req
1183. Hey, Walter.
Aren't you gonna join us?Copy !req
1184. - Yeah! Come on!
- Come on, Walter!Copy !req
1185. - Come on, Walter!
- Yes. Come!Copy !req
1186. What're you waiting for, buddy?
Get over there.Copy !req
1187. Yeah, go ahead.Copy !req
1188. Muppets! Muppets! Muppets!
Muppets! Muppets!Copy !req
1189. Hm? Oh.Copy !req
1190. How charming. A finale.Copy !req
1191. We're happier when
you don't sing.Copy !req
1192. Well, all of you. Yeah!Copy !req
1193. Hey, remember me?
I'm Jack Black!Copy !req
1194. No, what are you doing? Whoa, whoa.
No, no, no. Put me back down.Copy !req
1195. - All hail the Hobo King.
- What are you doing? This is insane.Copy !req
1196. I just have one question
I need to ask you.Copy !req
1197. Will you, Mary... marry me?Copy !req
1198. I own that name.Copy !req
1199. Hey, guys, I think I've
finally worked out how to...Copy !req
1200. "Oil" bet that hurt.Copy !req
1201. "Richman gives back
Muppet theater and name.Copy !req
1202. Change of heart.
Nothing to do with head injury.Copy !req
1203. - Yeah, for reallies!
- Yeah, you owe us money, man.Copy !req
1204. What the wocka?Copy !req
1205. Thank you.Copy !req
1206. "Miss Piggy promises to
stay out of the limelight.Copy !req
1207. Kermit says, 'We need
some time alone.Copy !req
1208. - Oh, Kermie, I'm so happy.
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
1209. Let's share our happiness with ten of
the world's largest news publications.Copy !req
1210. - How's the quiet life, Kermit?
- Piggy, froggy!Copy !req
1211. - How are you enjoying your time alone?
- Piggy!Copy !req
1212. Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.Copy !req