1. Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
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2. That's me, Walter.
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3. Where... Where'd you go?
Oh, there you are!
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4. I have the best life
in the whole world.
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5. That's my brother, Gary.
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6. He's the best friend
you could ever have.
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7. Yeah, I know what
you're thinking.
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8. We could be twins.
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9. Smalltown...
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10. the best town you
could ever grow up in.
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11. Gary and I did
everything together.
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12. And, as the years passed, my
brother was always there for me.
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13. I got it! Gary, throw me!
Throw me!
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14. Aaah!
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15. We were a great team.
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16. - Nice job, Walter.
- Thanks, Gary.
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17. Oh, don't get me wrong.
It's not perfect.
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18. - That was so fun!
- Nothing is.
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19. Sorry, kid.
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20. - I wanna do that again!
- Come on. I'll ride with ya!
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21. Hurry up!
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22. Even the sunniest days can
have a few clouds in them.
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23. Ride's bogus, anyway.
Hey, wanna rent a video?
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24. Yeah. Race you home!
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25. And, well, that night sorta
changed everything.
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26. It's The Muppet Show, with our very
special guest star, Mr. Steve Martin!
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27. I found them...
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28. The Muppets.
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29. I guess you could say I was
their number one fan.
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30. Oh, Gary, it's an entire
map of The Muppet Studios.
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31. And they made all
the difference.
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32. - Trick or treat!
- Because from then on...
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33. - Hey, guys.
- Oh, hey, Gary.
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34. - Hey.
- Hi-ho, guys. Yay!
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35. Is that Kermit the Frog?
What is this, 1978?
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36. even on the worst
days, I knew...
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37. that as the years passed...
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38. Cancel that last remark.
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39. as long as there are singing
frogs and joking bears...
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40. Swedish chefs and
boomerang fish,
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41. the world can't be such
a bad place after all.
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42. All right, good night, buddy.
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43. Oh, good night, Gary.
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44. And as long as there
are Muppets...
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45. - ... for me...
- ... hair-growing tonic.
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46. there's still...
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47. ... hope.
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48. Aaah. Bye-bye!
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49. Somebody get him!
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50. Animal. Hey, Animal, come on.
The show's about to start.
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51. Show! Show!
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52. Hey, Walter, why
don't you join us?
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53. Come on!
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54. No! Wait! I want to be with you guys!
Please let me in!
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55. Kermit!
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56. Whoa!
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57. Walter, are you OK, buddy?
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58. You're drenched in sweat.
Did you have the dream again?
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59. Ummm. No. Hey, so when are
you guys leaving today?
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60. Oh, um, just a couple hours now.
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61. Oh, wow, Gary, I think it is so cool
you're taking Mary to Los Angeles.
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62. I can't believe you guys have
been dating for ten years.
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63. I know. Yeah, she wanted to do something
special for this anniversary,
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64. and she's always wanted
to see Los Angeles, so...
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65. Hey, don't forget to send me a
postcard from The Muppet Studios.
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66. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
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67. - I can't do that, Walter.
- But, Gary...
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68. Because...
you're coming with us!
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69. Oh, Gary!
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70. - But what about Mary?
- She's fine.
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71. - She said the more the merrier.
- I... I don't know what to say!
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72. The Muppet Studios are there, Gary.
I can't believe this!
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73. Better get a move on.
We don't want to miss that bus!
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74. No way! Who knows?
Maybe Kermit will be there.
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75. I wouldn't get your
hopes up, buddy.
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76. The Muppets haven't put on
a show together in years.
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77. I don't think they use the studios
for anything but tours any more.
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78. Nah, I think that's
just an Internet rumor.
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79. Like there's a country
called Turkey.
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80. Walter, how many times do
we have to go over this?
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81. - Turkey is a very real country.
- Wow, Muppet Studios.
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82. I can't believe it!
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83. Whoooa!
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84. Oooh...
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85. Sorry. I was super excited.
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86. All right, Carlos.
Flip the ignition.
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87. And that is how you fix
a 12-volt starter.
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88. Oh!
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89. You know what that means.
Spring break.
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90. It's OK. We'll be back to
studying in two weeks.
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91. Yay!
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92. - Have a nice vacation.
- Bye. Have fun.
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93. - Bye, Mr. Gary.
- Have a good break, guys.
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94. - Hey, great job, Carlos.
- Thanks.
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95. Enjoy your anniversary dinner.
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96. - Hi.
- I got you these.
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97. Oh. Sorry. It's probably from
the dance number I was doing.
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98. It's OK. They're really sweet.
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99. You excited for our big trip to LA?
I have our list.
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100. Me, too.
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101. Oh, this is the most
romantic thing ever.
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102. I've always dreamt of
seeing Los Angeles.
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103. I know.
Walter can't wait either.
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104. You don't mind that
he's coming, right?
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105. No. No, of course not.
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106. As long as we can spend our anniversary
dinner together. That's all I ask.
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107. Totally. It's gonna be the most
romantic anniversary dinner ever.
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108. I love you so much.
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109. Oh.
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110. - I love you, too.
- I'm gonna go check on Walter.
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111. Oh...
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112. OK, they're gone!
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113. Hey, Gary, what should we
do first at Muppet Studio?
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114. Cause I was thinking that maybe we
could start at Fozzie's Joke Room...
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115. Oh, no, wait, wait, wait.
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116. The lines might be shorter at
Honeydew's Laboratory of Fun
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117. so maybe we should start there instead I just...
I just can't wait!
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118. Oh, Walter, don't be nervous.
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119. Oh, I know.
I just can't believe I'm here.
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120. The home of the Muppets!
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121. What...
What happened to this place?
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122. Where...?
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123. - Where is everyone, Gary?
- I don't know, buddy. It's so...
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124. OK, well, I guess you
guys are it for today.
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125. Anyway, welcome to the
original Muppet Studio,
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126. where dreams can come true.
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127. - Is this the Universal Studios?
- Yes, it is.
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128. OK, now if you'll just
follow me, please.
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129. OK. This used to be
Kermit's office.
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130. - Whoa.
- Mm-hmm.
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131. It's really the
highlight of the tour.
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132. You should see it sometime.
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133. OK, this next building is
where they kept the rope
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134. and the medium-gauge wire for the productions.
Let's go take a look.
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135. Come on, buddy.
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136. Wow!
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137. Oh, boy.
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138. Oh.
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139. Whoa.
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140. There. Now this here is
Kermit the Frog's old office.
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141. Or so we've been "toad."
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142. Well, as you know, gentlemen, I've
loved the Muppets since I was a boy.
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143. And what better way
to honor the Muppets
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144. than to make this beautiful
studio a Muppet museum.
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145. I think I'll call this room
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146. the "Kermit the Frog's
Old Office Room."
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147. - Oh, that is lovely.
- Oh, good one, Mr. Richman.
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148. Now, this here is the standard
"Rich and Famous" contract
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149. Kermit signed 30 years
ago, that contains...
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150. - The deed to this property.
- Exactly.
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151. Now, this contract is 100 percent
ironclad, with one minor exception.
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152. If the Muppets can raise the ten
million dollars it would cost
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153. to buy the building before
this contract expires,
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154. - then they get their studio back.
- You know, if I didn't know better,
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155. I'd say you were reciting some
sort of an important plot point.
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156. Well, I hope so. Otherwise, I just
bored the audience half to death.
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157. You mean half the
audience is still alive?
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158. It's nice doing
business with you.
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159. - Yes, sir. Come on.
- Goodbye.
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160. I love geriatric humor.
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161. Gentlemen, there's oil
under this studio.
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162. Yeah, I can smell it.
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163. And more importantly, the geological
survey says there definitely is.
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164. In two weeks, we tear
this place to the ground
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165. and start drilling.
Ah, those Muppets
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166. They think they're so funny.
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167. Well, it looks like the
joke's about to be on them.
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168. Maniacal laugh.
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169. Maniacal laugh.
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170. Maniacal laugh. Maniacal laugh.
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171. Maniacal laugh.
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172. - Walter!
- Walter?
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173. - Walter!
- Walter!
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174. Yeah, so then, when he thought
they were alone, he said,
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175. "There's oil under
this studio, see.
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176. I'm gonna tear it
to the ground, see.
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177. - Sweet, sweet oil, see!"
- People still talk like that?
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178. Maybe that's just how
he sounded in my head.
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179. Either way, we've got to find Kermit!
He'll know what to do.
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180. How do we find Kermit?
Nobody's seen him in years.
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181. Stop the car! I've got an idea!
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182. Mmm.
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183. These are delicious!
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184. - Great idea, Walter.
- Mm-hmm.
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185. We've been doing this
for a long time.
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186. I think maybe we should
call it a night.
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187. Guys! - We can't give up, Gary.
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188. But it's getting really late.
Maybe we should just go back to the motel.
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189. - Guys!
- It...
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190. - What?
- What?
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191. - Maybe he lives there.
- Oh. That's it.
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192. So, what do we do now?
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193. I don't see a doorbell, and
the house looks empty.
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194. - Gary, throw me over.
- What?
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195. - Gary, just throw me over already!
- OK.
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196. - OK, here we go. OK...
- One, two, three.
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197. - That's good.
- Sorry.
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198. - No, it's good.
- Guys?
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199. I think that's an
electric fence.
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200. Mary, it's Kermit the Frog.
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201. - OK, buddy, head down.
- One, two, three!
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202. - It's an electric fence.
- Yep.
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203. Oh, my gosh. Walter? Walter, buddy?
Walter, can you hear me?
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204. Throw me again. - No, I don't...
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205. I don't think
that's a good idea.
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206. - What kind of throw was that?
- I think there's somebody coming.
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207. Excuse me...
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208. You OK? That was quite a tumble.
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209. Oh. Look, look. I think...
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210. Hey. Hey, Walter?
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211. - Walter, you all right, buddy?
- Where am I?
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212. OK, this is awesome.
We're at Kermit's house.
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213. - Oh, jeez. Walter.
- No, no, no, no, no. You OK?
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214. This... This is Kermit's house?
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215. Anyhow, how can
I help you guys?
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216. Let me just say, this is an honor
for all of us to meet you, sir,
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217. but my brother, Walter, has some
really disturbing news for you.
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218. - Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
- Not now, 80's Robot.
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219. Might I offer you a drink? Tab?
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220. Good grief. - New Coke?
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221. Listen. Not right now,
80's Robot, please!
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222. Bummer.
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223. - Watch out for the...
- Gag me with a spoon.
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224. - Yeah, head for the door.
- Grody to the max.
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225. Ow.
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226. Ow.
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227. I'm really sorry about that...
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228. Walter. What were you saying?
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229. - Yes. Tex Richman, the oil baron, is...
- Yes, yes, yes.
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230. Oil baron Tex Richman, the
wealthy philanthropist.
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231. You know, he's about to buy
our old Muppet Show theater
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232. and turn it into a Muppet museum.
Isn't that great?
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233. - No! I mean...
- What Walter's trying to tell you
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234. is that Tex Richman has a secret plan to
tear down the theater and drill for oil.
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235. - What?
- The only way to save the studio
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236. is to raise ten million dollars.
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237. Ten million dollars?
That's impossible.
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238. - But...
- The only way to raise
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239. that kind of money
would be to...
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240. would be to put on a show.
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241. And I haven't seen the old
gang in a long, long time.
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242. I guess people soft
of forgot about us.
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243. Hm?
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244. I didn't do it. I've been framed!
Ahh. Wocka wocka!
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245. Gonzo the Great will
ride this baby again!
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246. Muah!
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247. This legato tune is posolutely, most
transparently bringing me down.
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248. - For sure.
- One, two, and a half...
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249. Well, it sounds like you guys aren't
getting back together anytime soon.
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250. Mmm...
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251. This is going to be a
really short movie
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252. But, Kermit, you have to try.
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253. I... The Muppets are amazing.
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254. You give people the greatest
gift that can ever be given.
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255. - Children?
- No, the other gift.
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256. - Ice cream?
- No, no. After that.
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257. - Laughter?
- Yes!
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258. The third greatest gift ever!
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259. Kermit, your fans never left you,
the world hasn't forgotten.
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260. All you need to do
is show 'em again!
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261. Hmm.
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262. I don't think so, guys.
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263. Don't you see, Kermit?
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264. It's time to play the music.
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265. Please, Kermit.
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266. You're my hero.
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267. You're on my watch.
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268. Well, I... I guess...
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269. we could try.
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270. - We?
- Well, yeah, listen.
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271. If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna
need some moral support.
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272. Well, that's perfect.
We're experts at moral support.
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273. - Yeah!
- Good. I guess if we're gonna go,
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274. we better get going.
We got a lot of people to find.
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275. Oh, great!
But wait, how do we find 'em?
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276. Didn't you see our first movie?
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277. We drive.
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278. - So where do we go first?
- I shall take the liberty
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279. of using my modem to
locate the Muppets.
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280. - OK.
- Great
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281. Oh, stop it!
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282. In the name of all that's
sacred, let it end!
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283. R-E-N-O. That spells "Reno."
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284. You have reached your destination.
My guidance ends here.
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285. Well, I guess this is the place.
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286. Good evening, folks, and
welcome to Pechoolo Casino!
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287. Cha-cha-cha!
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288. Thank you, thank you.
We'll be back in six minutes.
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289. Hmm.
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290. - Hi-ho, Fozzie.
- Hi-ho, Kermit.
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291. Kermit? What are you doing here?
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292. Well, I... I just want to
tell you that was a great show.
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293. It was... very informative.
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294. I do my best to keep
it fresh each night.
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295. - Oh, yeah.
- Oh, I'm Fozzie, by the way.
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296. Oh, I'm sorry.
This is Gary and Mary.
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297. And this here is Walter.
He's a personal friend.
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298. - Yeah.
- So I said, "What are you looking at?"
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299. So I punched him in the face!
I mean...
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300. - Let's talk in my dressing room.
- Sure.
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301. - OK.
- Here we are.
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302. Make yourselves at home.
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303. Wow.
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304. This is not quite
what I expected,
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305. - based on your Christmas cards.
- Oh, yeah. About that...
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306. Oh, but it's nice, and...
and airy.
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307. Maybe we should give
them some space.
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308. I know, but I wanna hear
what they're gonna say. OK.
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309. Sixty-four shows nightly
can get pretty grueling.
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310. Fozzie, an evil oil baron wants to
tear down our old Muppet studio.
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311. What? Oh, no!
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312. I mean, that's a shame.
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313. Step out of the vehicle!
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314. Hey, Fozzie...
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315. I'm sorry I haven't
been in touch more.
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316. It's fine, Kermit. Look at me!
Living the dream!
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317. Uh-oh.
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318. Oh, no! Not this again!
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319. - Quick, save the cushions!
- The cushions?
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320. I'm sorry, Fozzie.
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321. If I'd known you were
here in this place...
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322. That's all right, Kermit.
It's not your fault.
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323. - We had a good run.
- Yeah.
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324. Yeah, it's just that...
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325. Well, we haven't seen each other
in a really long time, and I...
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326. I just thought maybe we could raise
the money to buy the theater back
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327. if we all got together and
put on one last show.
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328. A show? But I've spent years
building a solo career.
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329. I have a whole new show-biz
family that loves me.
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330. Fozzie! What the heck are
you doing, hibernating?
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331. Next show starts in 30 seconds.
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332. We hired you, and we can fire you,
so get your butt in here now!
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333. - They terrify me. Let's go.
- Let's go.
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334. - Watch out for the forklift, Fozzie.
- Oh, thanks.
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335. Wow! Gonzo's doing really well!
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336. According to 80's Robot,
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337. he's the richest plumbing
magnate in the Rust Belt.
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338. You! Order 28,000 tons of
plumber's putty from Beijing.
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339. - Right away, sir.
- And, you, send the 28,000 tons
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340. of Silly Putty back to Beijing.
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341. You bet. - Oh, and you?
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342. A memo to the waterless
toilet department.
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343. I don't care about the
mess, just keep trying.
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344. - Hi, Gonzo.
- Kermit? Fozzie? This is a surprise.
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345. - We need to speak to you.
- All right. Have a seat.
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346. Ah. Thank you!
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347. - I think I'll stand.
- No, really, you should try one! Comfy.
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348. It's our executive
line of used toilets.
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349. Anyway, I'm very busy.
I've got 30 seconds. Go.
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350. Uh... Gonzo, I'm not quite
sure how to say this, but...
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351. Don't forget to mention
the evil oil baron.
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352. Yes, Fozzie, I was about to.
Just give me a moment, OK?
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353. Gonzo, it would appear...
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354. Remember, evil oil baron.
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355. Fozzie, I'm going to get to that.
Please!
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356. - As I was trying to say...
- Evil oil baron.
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357. - OK, time's up.
- Thank you, guys.
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358. Gonzo, we're trying to get the
old gang back together again.
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359. - We really need you.
- My answer is no. Good day!
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360. Come on, guys. We should go.
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361. I just want to say, when I was
a kid, I saw you recite Hamlet
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362. while jumping your motorbike
through a flaming hoop, and...
Copy !req
363. it made me feel like
I could do anything.
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364. Thank you. Yeah.
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365. - Good try, Walter.
- Hey, guys, up here!
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366. - Ya-haa!
- Huh?
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367. I've been wearing this under my
suit every single day for years!
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368. Look out below!
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369. Whoa, where you going?
You threw me off-balance!
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370. I can't see! Apollo 13!
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371. Citizens of Earth, the
Great Gonzo is back.
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372. I pledge never to
hold a plunger again!
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373. Run! Run! Run for your lives!
Run, run, run!
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374. - Run, guys!
- Run!
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375. Oh, my gosh, run everybody!
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376. It's gonna be big!
It's gonna be a big one!
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377. Wow! That was an expensive
looking explosion!
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378. I can't believe we had
that in the budget.
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379. So maybe if you look
inside yourself,
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380. the person you should be
most angry at is you.
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381. Is you.
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382. How have you been feeling?
Any more control issues?
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383. In control.
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384. Good. Psst. Animal!
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385. Excellent. - It's me, Kermit.
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386. Hey, we're having a meeting here, man.
You're being really rude, frog!
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387. Pardon us, please.
Animal, I need to talk to you for a second.
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388. We're getting the Muppets back together.
We need you to drum again.
Copy !req
389. - Animal drum?
- Yes!
Copy !req
390. - Please, sir.
- Drum! Drum, drum!
Copy !req
391. - Drum, drum, drum!
- OK, OK.
Copy !req
392. - In control.
- Good.
Copy !req
393. I'm Animal's
court-appointed sponsor
Copy !req
394. We don't use the "d-r-u-m" word.
Copy !req
395. - It's his trigger word.
- His trigger word?
Copy !req
396. Excuse me, Mr. Black.
I'm so sorry to interrupt,
Copy !req
397. but it's very important to these
guys that they get their drummer...
Copy !req
398. Gary!
Copy !req
399. It's my trigger word, too.
Copy !req
400. Jack, we talked about
this on Tuesday.
Copy !req
401. Tuesday's another one
of my trigger words!
Copy !req
402. Oh, I don't think so!
Copy !req
403. Sorry.
Copy !req
404. - Let's go, Animal.
- Bye-bye!
Copy !req
405. - Animal, heel.
- Go, Animal! Be free, man!
Copy !req
406. But remember! No drumming!
Copy !req
407. Mr. Kermit, may I suggest
we save time and pick up
Copy !req
408. the rest of the Muppets
using a montage?
Copy !req
409. Great idea, 80's Robot.
Copy !req
410. We greatly appreciate
your financial support.
Copy !req
411. Eighty-seven point three miles to go.
Eighty-seven point two...
Copy !req
412. 80's Robot, do you
have to do that?
Copy !req
413. the secrets of
the universe...
Copy !req
414. I guess we're in.
Copy !req
415. Welcome to this week's edition
of "Everything Stinks."
Copy !req
416. Whoa!
Copy !req
417. Bye, Lisa.
Off to the TED Conference.
Copy !req
418. Three, two, one.
Copy !req
419. Think we should've
rented a bigger car?
Copy !req
420. Hey, wait for me!
I wanna help save the studio!
Copy !req
421. I wanna go with you!
Oh, not again.
Copy !req
422. Wow. I can't believe
we're all back together.
Copy !req
423. Even all you guys who
weren't in the montage!
Copy !req
424. Yeah, how come you didn't
use me in the montage?
Copy !req
425. I thought my story was
pretty interesting.
Copy !req
426. - Rowlf?
- Wanna get back together?
Copy !req
427. - OK.
- Good.
Copy !req
428. Classic.
Copy !req
429. Anyhow, looks like
we got everybody,
Copy !req
430. so we can plan our telethon and
raise that ten million dollars.
Copy !req
431. - Well, not everybody.
- No, I think everybody's here.
Copy !req
432. - Where's...?
- All good!
Copy !req
433. - Miss...
- All done here!
Copy !req
434. Piggy?
Copy !req
435. Kermit, we're going to
get Miss Piggy, right?
Copy !req
436. OK, OK, OK, you're right.
We'll go get Piggy!
Copy !req
437. My Minitel tells me she
is in Paris, France.
Copy !req
438. Oh! Well, then we
drive to France.
Copy !req
439. - You can't drive to France, Walter.
- Yeah. It's way too far.
Copy !req
440. Then maybe we should
travel by map!
Copy !req
441. - Good idea, Fozzie.
- Yeah!
Copy !req
442. To Paris!
Copy !req
443. Paris! Paris!
Copy !req
444. Look at these ceilings!
Copy !req
445. Yeah.
They must be very tall here.
Copy !req
446. Yeah, very nice.
Copy !req
447. Uh... Hi there. Excuse me.
Copy !req
448. Miss? Pardon me, ma'am?
Copy !req
449. Hi there! We're here to see
Miss Piggy, and it's urgent.
Copy !req
450. Urgent! Urgent!
Copy !req
451. - Is it urgent?
- Very. Yes.
Copy !req
452. Let's have a look then, shall we?
She has an opening in...
Copy !req
453. - ... early September.
- Early September?
Copy !req
454. That's like six months from now!
Copy !req
455. That's nothing.
Once I waited a whole year for September.
Copy !req
456. She is the plus-size editor.
She's a huge deal and extremely busy.
Copy !req
457. You can't just pop in
without an appointment.
Copy !req
458. - OK, then.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
459. - All right.
- Mean lady.
Copy !req
460. - Close the door on your way out.
- Thanks a lot.
Copy !req
461. - She wasn't very nice.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
462. Guys! Muppet Man!
Copy !req
463. - Yeah!
- That could work!
Copy !req
464. Hello.
Copy !req
465. I have an appointment.
Copy !req
466. Oh, OK.
Copy !req
467. Um...
Copy !req
468. Will you wait here a moment?
Copy !req
469. Decisions, decisions.
Copy !req
470. - Eeny, meeny, miny, mo.
- I choose you.
Copy !req
471. Mademoiselle Cochonnet?
Copy !req
472. - Can't you see I'm busy?
- Of course.
Copy !req
473. There's a...
man here to see you.
Copy !req
474. He does have an appointment.
Copy !req
475. An appointment? That's weird.
Copy !req
476. Well, why didn't you say so?
Send him in!
Copy !req
477. Right away. Sorry.
Copy !req
478. - Ahahaha.
- Remember, left foot, right foot.
Copy !req
479. Hello.
Copy !req
480. Whoa.
Copy !req
481. - What the...?
- Sorry.
Copy !req
482. That looked expensive.
Copy !req
483. - You look familiar.
- So do you!
Copy !req
484. Please, have a seat.
Copy !req
485. Yes, we're going to
have a seat now.
Copy !req
486. - No, no, no, don't sit down!
- Oh, sorry! Whoa!
Copy !req
487. Uh-oh.
Copy !req
488. Message to head. Left leg in trouble!
Going down. Left leg going down!
Copy !req
489. What?
Copy !req
490. Ohh!
Copy !req
491. I can't believe I
fell for Muppet Man.
Copy !req
492. - You guys OK?
- Is anyone hurt?
Copy !req
493. Kermit?
Copy !req
494. - Hello, Piggy.
- Kermie!
Copy !req
495. Oh, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie,
Kermie, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie!
Copy !req
496. Mm, mm, mm. Kissy-kissy.
Mm, mm, mm!
Copy !req
497. Wait! What am I doing?
I promised myself I'd never go back!
Copy !req
498. I am woman! I am strong!
You must leave at once!
Copy !req
499. - OK.
- No, no, wait, wait!
Copy !req
500. Miss Piggy!
The Muppet Studios are in danger.
Copy !req
501. In danger? Our studios? Kermit!
Copy !req
502. It's true, Piggy. And we need to
do The Muppet Show again.
Copy !req
503. We need you.
Copy !req
504. Oh.
Copy !req
505. Before I decide anything, I
need to talk with you, frog.
Copy !req
506. Alone.
Copy !req
507. Piggy? Last time we were together,
I said some things I regret.
Copy !req
508. No. No, Kermit.
You were just being honest.
Copy !req
509. You never intended to marry me.
Copy !req
510. Not even after I
built us a house
Copy !req
511. where we could raise tadpoles
and grow old together.
Copy !req
512. Well, who do you think's been looking
after that house all these years, huh?
Copy !req
513. Piggy, why do you have to always
be so overdramatic about things?
Copy !req
514. You know, it leaves me no choice
but to do things that hurt you.
Copy !req
515. I am who I am.
Why can't you accept that about me?
Copy !req
516. Look, this is not
about you and me.
Copy !req
517. It's never about
you and me, is it?
Copy !req
518. It's always we.
We this, we that.
Copy !req
519. "We" need you. You can't even
say, "I need you," can you?
Copy !req
520. Piggy...
Copy !req
521. I'm sorry, Kermit, but
I have a life here.
Copy !req
522. A life I've made for myself.
Copy !req
523. Piggy!
Copy !req
524. Just remember, Kermit,
I cannot be replaced.
Copy !req
525. Kermit? What happened?
Where's Miss Piggy?
Copy !req
526. She's not coming, Fozzie.
Copy !req
527. But, Kermit, we always
worked together.
Copy !req
528. We can't do this
without Miss Piggy.
Copy !req
529. No one will give us
a show without her.
Copy !req
530. We'll be fine, Fozzie.
Copy !req
531. We'll be fine.
Copy !req
532. We just...
Copy !req
533. We'll just have to come
up with something else.
Copy !req
534. Kermie.
Copy !req
535. OK, I've got an idea.
We need a pig that can sing.
Copy !req
536. But, Kermit, who could
possibly replace Miss Piggy?
Copy !req
537. Hey, what's everybody
so quiet about, huh?
Copy !req
538. - Well, she's sorta like Miss Piggy
- Come on, everybody.
Copy !req
539. Let's go pitch our telethon and
get the Muppets back on TV, OK?
Copy !req
540. - No.
- No.
Copy !req
541. Oh, my goodness!
Oh, that's wonderful!
Copy !req
542. That means no.
Copy !req
543. - Come on, guys.
- Awkward.
Copy !req
544. Listen, Kermit, I like you.
Copy !req
545. I remember you guys
from when I was a kid.
Copy !req
546. So I'm gonna shoot straight.
Copy !req
547. You guys aren't
famous any more.
Copy !req
548. I wish she'd shot a
little more curvy.
Copy !req
549. Take a look at this diagram the
research department drew up.
Copy !req
550. This circle represents everything
that's currently popular.
Copy !req
551. And this tiny speck is you guys.
Copy !req
552. So the answer's no.
It's not gonna happen.
Copy !req
553. Take a look at the shows that are popular now.
Punch Teacher.
Copy !req
554. - Oh! I love that show.
- It's time to punch teacher!
Copy !req
555. - Finish him!
- It's my favorite.
Copy !req
556. I just thought I could
make a difference.
Copy !req
557. I'm sorry, but in this market, you guys
are no longer relevant. Have a good day.
Copy !req
558. Before I go, I'd just
like to say something.
Copy !req
559. I think kids are smarter and better
than all this junk, and if you...
Copy !req
560. Veronica, bad news.
Punch Teacher has stopped production.
Copy !req
561. It's being sued by the
Teachers Society of America.
Copy !req
562. - What's their problem?
- No idea. I just found out.
Copy !req
563. What are we supposed to do with
that 120-minute black hole
Copy !req
564. in the schedule coming
up in two days?
Copy !req
565. OK, Muppets.
You've got yourselves a show.
Copy !req
566. - All right!
- Oh, yes!
Copy !req
567. Thank you so much.
You will not be sorry, I promise, I promise!
Copy !req
568. OK, enough! One, no more going nuts in my office.
These are new carpets.
Copy !req
569. - Yes, ma'am.
- And two, you need a celebrity host.
Copy !req
570. OK. Whatever, whatever.
Come on, guys, let's go. Yeah!
Copy !req
571. - Let me wipe that.
- You've missed a spot.
Copy !req
572. - I don't see it.
- Just a little lower!
Copy !req
573. - Oh, I am so sorry. Did I get you...
- Yes.
Copy !req
574. Well, gentlemen.
It appears we have some competition
Copy !req
575. on the Muppet propel"IY-
Copy !req
576. The Economist says they've
gotten back together again.
Copy !req
577. - The Muppets got back together?
- Remember?
Copy !req
578. Gentlemen, please!
No singing in my office!
Copy !req
579. - Yes, sir.
- But, of course, it was all his fault.
Copy !req
580. - Mostly his fault.
- No matter.
Copy !req
581. Point is, that studio and
that oil belong to me.
Copy !req
582. Yeah, those Muppets are gonna be
Copy !req
583. running home with their
tails between their legs.
Copy !req
584. Some of 'em literally.
Because those ones have tails.
Copy !req
585. Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh.
Copy !req
586. That's a maniacal laugh moment.
Copy !req
587. OK, this is it.
80's Robot, let's park around back.
Copy !req
588. It's The Muppet Show,
Copy !req
589. with our special guest
star, Mr. Bob Hope!
Copy !req
590. Time once again for
Veterinarian's Hospital,
Copy !req
591. the continuing story of...
Copy !req
592. And now, Pigs in Space!
Copy !req
593. Gary. Can you believe it?
Copy !req
594. - The Muppet theater.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
595. - Welcome back, everyone.
- Thanks.
Copy !req
596. Well, I know the old place is not
quite at its best right now.
Copy !req
597. Yeah!
Who cancelled the maid service?
Copy !req
598. But don't worry. We'll be fine.
Copy !req
599. Kermit, there's no way we can
rehearse with the place like this.
Copy !req
600. Wait.
Kermit, don't say another word.
Copy !req
601. Mary, Walter and I, well, we would be
happy to help you rebuild the theater.
Copy !req
602. Honestly, it would be an
honor for all three of us.
Copy !req
603. - So would.
- OK. Well, let's clean this place up!
Copy !req
604. Yeah!
Copy !req
605. - This is boring.
- But don't you guys remember?
Copy !req
606. You're the Muppets!
You do this to music!
Copy !req
607. Well, all right!
Copy !req
608. - Hey, Animal!
- Yeah?
Copy !req
609. Look what I found!
Copy !req
610. - Beauregard!
- Scooter! Good to see you!
Copy !req
611. Where's everybody been?
Copy !req
612. Celebrity... celebrity!
Copy !req
613. Hello! Yes. Could I speak with
President Carter, please?
Copy !req
614. He moved? Well, you don't happen to have
a number where I could reach... Hello?
Copy !req
615. Walter, I thought we were
gonna clean the balcony.
Copy !req
616. - Doing a great job, pal.
- You're doing a great job.
Copy !req
617. - Wocka wocka.
- Hey, guys!
Copy !req
618. Look at these old
photos I just found.
Copy !req
619. Oooh.
Copy !req
620. Can you believe that 80's
haircut I used to have?
Copy !req
621. I looked totally ridiculous!
Copy !req
622. Yes, it's Kermit. The frog.
Copy !req
623. Could you come to our celebrity
telethon this weekend?
Copy !req
624. Sure. Sure, I understand.
Copy !req
625. - Hey, shut the door!
- What is that?
Copy !req
626. Say hello to the little friend.
Copy !req
627. There goes dinner.
Copy !req
628. Wow! Great job, everybody!
Copy !req
629. Oh, hey, Kermit.
Listen, have a great night,
Copy !req
630. and I just want you to know, Walter
and I are really good sewers,
Copy !req
631. so we'll have those costumes
ready for you in no time.
Copy !req
632. - Good. You two have a great night.
- OK. Thank you!
Copy !req
633. - Bye.
- Kermit?
Copy !req
634. Gary, I was kind of hoping that
we could go to the beach tomorrow
Copy !req
635. - or see the Hollywood Sign.
- We'll have plenty of time
Copy !req
636. to do that stuff.
It's just, right now,
Copy !req
637. I don't wanna leave Walter.
You know, he needs me.
Copy !req
638. I don't know, sweetheart
he seems pretty happy.
Copy !req
639. - Like that.
- Oh, OK.
Copy !req
640. Now you.
Copy !req
641. Yeah, that's it!
Yeah, yeah, good job!
Copy !req
642. Well, just one more day, OK?
And then I'm all yours.
Copy !req
643. Tell you what. Why don't you get a
head start on sightseeing tomorrow
Copy !req
644. and then I'll be waiting
for you when you get back.
Copy !req
645. OK. Just...
don't forget about me.
Copy !req
646. Never.
Copy !req
647. Well, we're still on for
dinner Friday, right?
Copy !req
648. Yeah, of course.
Copy !req
649. - Oh, Walter!
- Oh, yes, Kermit.
Copy !req
650. Hey, listen, Walter, I
just wanna tell you
Copy !req
651. that none of this would have
happened without you, so thank you.
Copy !req
652. - Oh, well...
- And welcome aboard.
Copy !req
653. Night, everybody.
Just sleep anywhere you can find a spot.
Copy !req
654. "Welcome aboard"?
Copy !req
655. Hey, Kermit. You awake?
Copy !req
656. - Yep.
- What's the weather
Copy !req
657. - supposed to be like tonight?
- I don't know. Why?
Copy !req
658. I just don't want it to rain
through the hole in the ceiling.
Copy !req
659. Stars sure are pretty, though.
Copy !req
660. We're gonna be OK, right?
We haven't done this in a long time,
Copy !req
661. and I really don't
wanna go back to Reno.
Copy !req
662. Don't worry, Fozzie.
We'll be fine.
Copy !req
663. Look how we cleaned this
place up today, you know?
Copy !req
664. Same old team, all
pulling together.
Copy !req
665. I guess you're right.
Night-night, Kermit.
Copy !req
666. Good night, Fozzie.
Copy !req
667. OK, gather round, troops!
Everybody, time to get this rehearsal going.
Copy !req
668. - Scooter, is everybody here?
- Almost everyone, chief.
Copy !req
669. - Yeah...
- Hey, anybody got any kerosene?
Copy !req
670. I wanna take these old pig
dresses out back and burn 'em.
Copy !req
671. Hold it right there,
sausage snout!
Copy !req
672. - Piggy?
- Huh?
Copy !req
673. Well, look what the
cat dragged in.
Copy !req
674. Come on. Keep it up, Maurice.
Copy !req
675. Sorry, Miss Piggy, but you've
been replaced... permanently.
Copy !req
676. - Oh, yeah?
- Yeah!
Copy !req
677. I don't think so... sister?
Copy !req
678. Who you calling sister, sister?
Copy !req
679. - Oh, look, an omelet station!
- Oh, where?
Copy !req
680. Hiya!
Copy !req
681. There's only one Miss Piggy,
and she is moi.
Copy !req
682. Yeah, well, you ain't seen the last of me!
I'll be back!
Copy !req
683. Yeah, yeah. Heard of mouthwash?
Copy !req
684. Welcome back, Miss Piggy.
Copy !req
685. All right, all right,
don't crowd me!
Copy !req
686. Wow, she sure hasn't changed.
Copy !req
687. Piggy? You came back.
Copy !req
688. I'm not here for you, Kermit.
I'm here for them.
Copy !req
689. And, besides, when
this show's done,
Copy !req
690. I'm catching the next plane
back to my life in Paris.
Copy !req
691. OK, Piggy, OK. Places for the
opening number, everybody!
Copy !req
692. Oh, good morning, Veronica.
Copy !req
693. - Morning, Frog.
- OK, everybody, take it from the top.
Copy !req
694. Oooh!
Copy !req
695. - You missed your cue.
- I know!
Copy !req
696. There's kind of a rhythm
to this, you know?
Copy !req
697. Uh... Oh, and if you like that one,
what's the bear capital of the world?
Copy !req
698. Mos-cow!
Copy !req
699. Ha.
Copy !req
700. Hey guys, stop. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
What's the problem?
Copy !req
701. We can't keep time without the drums, man!
We need drums!
Copy !req
702. - Sorry, Animal.
- No drums! No drums!
Copy !req
703. - Jack Black said no drums!
- Animal, heel! Sit!
Copy !req
704. - Who's next? Oh.
- In control.
Copy !req
705. - Hey, Walter?
- Oh. Yes, Kermit?
Copy !req
706. You think you might
wanna help us out here?
Copy !req
707. Maybe do something
in the show?
Copy !req
708. Kermit, you know, you've
been so nice to me,
Copy !req
709. but I have to face the facts.
See, the Muppets are so talented...
Copy !req
710. Hey, guys, check it out!
Fart shoes!
Copy !req
711. - Patent pending!
- And...
Copy !req
712. I don't have
any talent at all.
Copy !req
713. The truth is... I
can't perform with you guys.
Copy !req
714. I feel like a phony
just being here.
Copy !req
715. Walter, just because you
haven't found your talent yet,
Copy !req
716. doesn't mean you don't have one.
If you look inside yourself,
Copy !req
717. I'm sure you'll find something
that you're really good at.
Copy !req
718. OK, Kermit. I'll try.
Copy !req
719. Take my picture!
Copy !req
720. Welcome.
How many in your party? Two?
Copy !req
721. Uh... No, just the one.
Copy !req
722. All right, party
of one, follow me.
Copy !req
723. Excuse me, miss, are you
expecting anyone else?
Copy !req
724. Oh... no.
Copy !req
725. No, it's just me. Party of one
Copy !req
726. Order up!
Copy !req
727. - OK, cue 17 is Fozzie's intro.
- Hey, Scooter? What's left?
Copy !req
728. Oh, uh, it's you, chief!
Copy !req
729. - Hm?
- Your duet. With Piggy.
Copy !req
730. - Miss Piggy?
- Hm?
Copy !req
731. We're all out front
practicing our acts
Copy !req
732. and seems that everybody expects
you and I to do a duet, so...
Copy !req
733. Oh, that's so lovely,
but I'm afraid I can't.
Copy !req
734. No, no, you see, I'm already doing
a duet with my new dance partner.
Copy !req
735. Hola.
Copy !req
736. OK, come on, rehearsing, let's go.
We gotta break it up.
Copy !req
737. - Excuse us.
- 'Scuse us.
Copy !req
738. Let's try that lift
again, shall we?
Copy !req
739. The lift again.
OK, on my count this time, OK?
Copy !req
740. In three, two... Wait for me!
Copy !req
741. Good grief.
Copy !req
742. Kermit! There you are.
I've been looking for you everywhere!
Copy !req
743. So nice to see you, Veronica.
Copy !req
744. Who's hosting?
Did you find a celebrity?
Copy !req
745. Yeah, well, I've wanted to talk to
you about that, you see, because...
Copy !req
746. Well, actually, I'm
kind of a celebrity.
Copy !req
747. You?
Copy !req
748. No. Kermit, listen.
Copy !req
749. I will not air the show unless
you find a real celebrity host.
Copy !req
750. I will rerun Benson
if I have to.
Copy !req
751. Yeah, you see, the
thing is, Veronica,
Copy !req
752. that's kind of impossible
because the show's in 12 hours!
Copy !req
753. Twelve hours!
Copy !req
754. I might as well just go and ask Tex
Richman to give us the studio back!
Copy !req
755. And the Muppets are like a big family.
Well... And for us,
Copy !req
756. that theater is... is like our home.
Which is why, in conclusion...
Copy !req
757. we humbly ask that
you give us back our studio.
Copy !req
758. It would certainly
mean a lot to us.
Copy !req
759. Hmmm.
Copy !req
760. Well, Mr. The Frog, let me see.
Copy !req
761. Correct!
Copy !req
762. The answer is no.
Copy !req
763. Well, you could've
just said that.
Copy !req
764. - Contract.
- Contract.
Copy !req
765. Contract.
Copy !req
766. - Nicely done, sir.
- You see, Muppets,
Copy !req
767. according to this contract,
Copy !req
768. it's not just this studio you
lose the rights to tonight,
Copy !req
769. - it's the Muppet name itself.
- What?
Copy !req
770. And all characters
under the Muppet name.
Copy !req
771. Wait a second. What possible use
could you have for our names?
Copy !req
772. Told ya I'd be back.
Copy !req
773. Well, now I am...
Copy !req
774. back.
Copy !req
775. And I see you've met Mr. Richman
our new business partner.
Copy !req
776. The Moopets are a hard, cynical
act for a hard, cynical world.
Copy !req
777. Hey, Fozzie!
I want you to meet a friend of mine.
Copy !req
778. - Wocka wocka.
- You're relics, Muppets!
Copy !req
779. The world has moved on,
and no one cares about
Copy !req
780. your goody-goody, hippy-dippy, Julie
Andrews and Dom DeLuise hostin',
Copy !req
781. singin'-and-dancin' act any more!
You're dead!
Copy !req
782. And I just come to bury you.
Copy !req
783. Now, get out of my office.
Copy !req
784. - What?
- What is that supposed to mean?
Copy !req
785. You said you were gonna
talk to the man!
Copy !req
786. Guys! OK, so maybe Kermit
signed away the theater
Copy !req
787. and the Muppet name, but as long
as we have a celebrity host,
Copy !req
788. we can still pull off a heart-warming,
last-minute triumph, right, Kermit?
Copy !req
789. Well, actually I don't
see how we can, Fozzie.
Copy !req
790. - Huh?
- What?
Copy !req
791. Guys, the show's in six hours,
Copy !req
792. and we're barely rehearsed,
and, well, I...
Copy !req
793. I couldn't get us
a celebrity host.
Copy !req
794. - Oh, no!
- What?
Copy !req
795. I'm afraid Tex Richman's right.
The world's moved on.
Copy !req
796. I'm sorry I dragged you
guys into this mess.
Copy !req
797. Kermit?
Copy !req
798. All right, listen
up, you freaks!
Copy !req
799. I didn't come 5,000
miles to not be on TV.
Copy !req
800. All we need is one stinkin' celebrity,
and by any means necessary.
Copy !req
801. Now, the frog's gone.
We're doing things my way from now on.
Copy !req
802. Let's move!
Copy !req
803. - Hey!
- Hi.
Copy !req
804. - How was your day?
- Oh, it was great.
Copy !req
805. I went to Guinness Book of
World Records... alone.
Copy !req
806. Then Ripley's Believe It or Not...
solo.
Copy !req
807. And then I ate lunch
unaccompanied,
Copy !req
808. and then I walked back here...
independently.
Copy !req
809. Listen, I got you these.
Copy !req
810. You know, to make up for the other ones.
The broken ones.
Copy !req
811. Thanks, sweetie.
Copy !req
812. Listen, Gary.
Copy !req
813. I was just wondering what the
plan was for dinner tonight.
Copy !req
814. Oh, I don't care.
What do you feel like?
Copy !req
815. OK. That's fine.
Copy !req
816. That's just fine. That's...
that's perfect.
Copy !req
817. I'm going to go for a walk.
Copy !req
818. Individually.
Copy !req
819. - Walter, hey.
- Gary.
Copy !req
820. Oh, where have you been?
I need you to help me figure out a talent.
Copy !req
821. A talent for what?
Copy !req
822. For the show. Kermit asked
me to do an act in the show.
Copy !req
823. I... I could be a Muppet.
Copy !req
824. Wow.
Wow, Walter, that's amazing.
Copy !req
825. Yeah, but I need to figure
out if I have a talent.
Copy !req
826. Well, you know what?
I'm sure you'll think of something,
Copy !req
827. but right now I actually...
I need your help.
Copy !req
828. I'm starting to get the feeling that
Mary's upset with me about something,
Copy !req
829. and I don't know what, and I was hoping
maybe you would talk to her for me.
Copy !req
830. Gary, I'd love to help you out,
Copy !req
831. but I can't leave the theater now.
This is important.
Copy !req
832. Well, hold on a second.
I mean, my life is important, too
Copy !req
833. Yeah, but the whole reason we
came here was to see the Muppets.
Copy !req
834. No, it wasn't!
The whole reason we came here
Copy !req
835. was to take a vacation where I
took Mary out to a fancy dinner
Copy !req
836. because it's our tenth
anniversary, and then...
Copy !req
837. - Walter, what day is today?
- Friday.
Copy !req
838. Yeah. Yeah, that's it.
Copy !req
839. This is bad. Walter, this is really bad.
I have to...
Copy !req
840. - Mary? Mary!
- Wait.
Copy !req
841. Gary, I need you.
Copy !req
842. OK, is everybody ready?
Copy !req
843. Commence Operation Celebri-nap.
Masks on!
Copy !req
844. - Masks on!
- Except for moi.
Copy !req
845. Nothing covers this
beautiful face.
Copy !req
846. No maskin'? - No maskin'.
Copy !req
847. Check the door on Stage 28.
Copy !req
848. - I'm going over there now.
- She's done in makeup...
Copy !req
849. I told you, I'm not done
putting on my balls!
Copy !req
850. Oh, hey, Animal.
Copy !req
851. What are you doin' here?
Copy !req
852. Acting. Natural.
Copy !req
853. Now!
Copy !req
854. Whoa!
Copy !req
855. Hiya!
Copy !req
856. Hiya!
Copy !req
857. Mary, surprise!
I figured out why you're mad... at me.
Copy !req
858. Gary, I've gone home.
Copy !req
859. I love you, but you need to
decide, are you a man
Copy !req
860. or a Muppet?
Copy !req
861. I'm so sorry.
Copy !req
862. - Oh, Gary.
- Mary.
Copy !req
863. Kermit. We have our celebrity!
Copy !req
864. Mr. Jack Black has graciously
agreed to do the telethon!
Copy !req
865. Oh, my gosh, that's amazing.
Where is he?
Copy !req
866. - In the trunk.
- Get me outta here!
Copy !req
867. You kidnapped Jack Black?
That's illegal!
Copy !req
868. But, Kermit, what's more illegal,
briefly inconveniencing Jack Black,
Copy !req
869. - or destroying the Muppets?
- Kidnapping Jack Black, Fozzie!
Copy !req
870. Kermit, listen.
Whatever I may think of you right now,
Copy !req
871. these guys are counting on you.
You inspire them.
Copy !req
872. - What, to kidnap people?
- To work together.
Copy !req
873. - To kidnap people?
- Mr. The Frog, we all agreed
Copy !req
874. a celebrity is not a people.
Copy !req
875. And now that we have a
celebrity, the show's back on.
Copy !req
876. Come on, Kermit.
Don't let these guys down now.
Copy !req
877. All right. Well, what are you
guys still doing here, huh?
Copy !req
878. - It's showtime!
- All right!
Copy !req
879. That's it!
Copy !req
880. - Nicely done, sir. As usual.
- En garde.
Copy !req
881. Ow! Ow.
Copy !req
882. OK, very nice.
Copy !req
883. Halt! Point left!
Copy !req
884. Well done, sir. Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Copy !req
885. And coming up next on CDE,
The Muppet Telethon.
Copy !req
886. Kermit and friends host a
celebrity-studded gala,
Copy !req
887. - with special guest, Jack Black.
- Oh! He's pretty good.
Copy !req
888. - We're going to phase two.
- Yes, Mr. Richman.
Copy !req
889. So do you think we're
working for the bad guy?
Copy !req
890. Hurry!
The show starts in ten minutes!
Copy !req
891. Where did you learn to drive?
Copy !req
892. Hang on, everyone!
Copy !req
893. Come on, guys. OK, listen up, everybody!
This is it! Five minutes to curtain!
Copy !req
894. - Kermit?
- Get ready for the opening number.
Copy !req
895. - Yes?
- I need to talk to you about my act.
Copy !req
896. Listen, Walter, I know
you're gonna be fine.
Copy !req
897. In fact, I'm sure you'll be great.
Scooter, who's up first?
Copy !req
898. - Come on, come on, come on!
- No...
Copy !req
899. Fly in the arches!
Copy !req
900. - OK, first we have the opening theme.
- Of course. Yeah.
Copy !req
901. - You come out and introduce Fozzie.
- Right.
Copy !req
902. Then we have...
TV executive at six o'clock!
Copy !req
903. - What?
- The show is a disaster, Frog!
Copy !req
904. - Veronica...
- Where's the audience?
Copy !req
905. I knew you guys weren't
popular any more.
Copy !req
906. I should have trusted that chart.
There's no one here!
Copy !req
907. - What about Hobo Joe?
- Who?
Copy !req
908. Why does everybody
forget about Hobo Joe?
Copy !req
909. - Just a second. Scooter!
- Yeah, chief?
Copy !req
910. - Did you hand out all those flyers?
- Of course. Every last one!
Copy !req
911. Don't worry.
We'll think of something!
Copy !req
912. You better
Copy !req
913. Yoo-hoo! You've got audience.
Copy !req
914. It's me! What am I, invisible?
Copy !req
915. Jack Black.
Copy !req
916. Fifteen seconds to
curtain, Mr. Black
Copy !req
917. - Hi!
- Ah! Where am I?
Copy !req
918. Why am I so fancy? What are you doing?
You're ruining my look!
Copy !req
919. - We'll see you out there! Good luck!
- Stop cleaning me!
Copy !req
920. - You sure got nice teeth, Jack Black.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
921. We're here!
Copy !req
922. - Start the show!
- Ready for some kind of entertainment!
Copy !req
923. All right, good luck,
everyone, and cue Scooter.
Copy !req
924. OK, we go live in three, two...
Copy !req
925. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
your host, Kermit the Frog.
Copy !req
926. It's The Muppet Telethon,
Copy !req
927. with our very special guest,
Mr. Jack Black! Yay!
Copy !req
928. I always dreamed
we'd be back here.
Copy !req
929. Dreams? Those were nightmares!
Copy !req
930. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to The Muppet Telethon!
Copy !req
931. We have Muppets standing
by to take your calls.
Copy !req
932. - Yes, we are.
- Hi. Hello.
Copy !req
933. Could I have a large
pizza with ham and...?
Copy !req
934. Yes, and, boy, do we have
a wonderful show for you,
Copy !req
935. with our special guest,
Mr. Jack Black!
Copy !req
936. I'm being held captive
by these weirdos!
Copy !req
937. Now you know how we've felt
for the past 40 years!
Copy !req
938. Somebody, anybody, please call the police.
This is real rope!
Copy !req
939. - Man, this 3-D is incredible!
- This is real!
Copy !req
940. Oh, and by the way, folks, we have
plenty of room here in the audience,
Copy !req
941. so if you'd like to come down
and see the show live...
Copy !req
942. There's no audience in the theater.
Look, it's totally empty.
Copy !req
943. Poor Walter.
Copy !req
944. Maybe we should go back.
Copy !req
945. No way, Mary.
I've made my choice already.
Copy !req
946. I just sang a whole
song about it.
Copy !req
947. I wanna stay here with you.
Copy !req
948. So thank you.
Copy !req
949. Ladies and gentlemen,
prepare yourselves
Copy !req
950. for the Great Gonzo's
most amazing feat ever.
Copy !req
951. - Head bowling.
- What? No!
Copy !req
952. I have not signed off on this!
Copy !req
953. Drumroll, please.
Copy !req
954. And a one and a
two and a three!
Copy !req
955. Uh-oh. Uh...
My fingers got stuck.
Copy !req
956. All part of the act, folks.
Stay tuned.
Copy !req
957. Please, make this end! Please!
Copy !req
958. This is great. Call 'em.
Copy !req
959. Hello?
Copy !req
960. You wanna give us some money?
Uhhh...
Copy !req
961. - Say yes!
- Yes! We will take that money!
Copy !req
962. Hey, guys, we got us some money!
Copy !req
963. Oh, yeah, tickets. Here we are.
Tickets. Thank you.
Copy !req
964. Five dollars to show you your seat.
It's up there somewhere.
Copy !req
965. - Help!
- OK, thank you, Gonzo.
Copy !req
966. Thank you very much. Ladies and gentlemen,
we will see what happens with
Copy !req
967. head bowling a little
later in the show.
Copy !req
968. Up next is our furry funny
man, Mr. Fozzie Bear! Yay!
Copy !req
969. Thank you, thank you,
and thank you.
Copy !req
970. Boy, did I go to a bad
seafood place last night.
Copy !req
971. The catch of the day was salmonella.
Wocka wocka!
Copy !req
972. - OK.
- Ah! That joke's like 50 years old!
Copy !req
973. So how 'bout those
shopping centers?
Copy !req
974. You seen one, you seen a mall!
Take it.
Copy !req
975. Make it stop!
Copy !req
976. - Wocka wocka wocka wocka!
- Make it stop! No!
Copy !req
977. - We're not a team! I'm not with him!
- What is happening?
Copy !req
978. People are actually
watching this?
Copy !req
979. Deadly! Bring the car!
Copy !req
980. What am I gonna do?
Copy !req
981. What am I gonna do?
Copy !req
982. Walter? Sixty seconds
till you're on, Walter.
Copy !req
983. You ready?
Copy !req
984. No. Yes, yes, yes...
Copy !req
985. Whoopi Goldberg?
Copy !req
986. Selena Gomez? And... hi there.
Copy !req
987. Yeah, look, somebody said there
might be a career opportunity here
Copy !req
988. - something about saving a theater.
- Yes, yes, of course.
Copy !req
989. I don't really know who you guys are
My agent just told me to show up.
Copy !req
990. - That's great.
- Are you one of the
Copy !req
991. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Copy !req
992. Yes, I am, and let me show
you how you can help.
Copy !req
993. And don't worry.
It's just your one shot to go on live TV
Copy !req
994. before millions of people to
prove you have what it takes
Copy !req
995. to become one of the Muppets.
Good luck.
Copy !req
996. Up next, folks, I am proud
to present a brand-new act
Copy !req
997. to the show. Introducing Walter.
Copy !req
998. That's not good.
Copy !req
999. It appears that Walter has
stepped out, so it's...
Copy !req
1000. Well, it's back to the days of
yore down at the old barbershop.
Copy !req
1001. Oh, no! It's a barbershop quartet!
Get me out of here!
Copy !req
1002. Wait a minute.
What are you doing?
Copy !req
1003. Is that Nirvana? Stop it! No!
Copy !req
1004. You're ruining one of the
greatest songs of all time!
Copy !req
1005. Ow!
Copy !req
1006. Careful around the ears!
Copy !req
1007. Ah! That was hot!
Copy !req
1008. Hey! What's going on here?
Why is my body so big?
Copy !req
1009. What'd you do to my voice?
I sound like a chipmunk!
Copy !req
1010. Wait a second.
Did you guys shrink my head?
Copy !req
1011. Ladies and gentlemen,
Jack Black!
Copy !req
1012. Nice work, everybody.
Chickens, you're up next!
Copy !req
1013. It's going rather nicely.
We might just make this
Copy !req
1014. And now I am pleased
and proud to present
Copy !req
1015. those princesses of poultry,
Camilla and friends!
Copy !req
1016. Let's hear it for Camilla
and her farmyard friends!
Copy !req
1017. No, I... I don't know why
I'm not hosting this.
Copy !req
1018. So remember, folks, keep on calling
and you'll help us reach our goal
Copy !req
1019. of ten million dollars by midnight.
And if...
Copy !req
1020. Oh, dear.
Copy !req
1021. Ladies and gentlemen,
don't be alarmed.
Copy !req
1022. We will get this sorted out just
as soon as we can. Scooter!
Copy !req
1023. Well, that's that.
Nice try, Muppets!
Copy !req
1024. Kermit, how are we going to
raise the rest of the money
Copy !req
1025. with no electricity?
Copy !req
1026. All right, calm down, everybody.
Copy !req
1027. - Is everybody OK?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1028. Well, we can't do the
show without power.
Copy !req
1029. - Anybody got any bright ideas?
- Not now, Fozzie.
Copy !req
1030. Ten-gauge gator grip.
Copy !req
1031. I love it when you talk shop.
Copy !req
1032. Oh!
Copy !req
1033. What?
How'd they get the power back?
Copy !req
1034. We're gonna have to
get up on that roof
Copy !req
1035. and shut 'em down for good!
Bolt cutters!
Copy !req
1036. Bolt cutters.
Copy !req
1037. Deadly! You come with me.
Copy !req
1038. That's it.
Copy !req
1039. Hm.
Copy !req
1040. To the end of the Muppets!
Copy !req
1041. Deadly! What are you doing?
Copy !req
1042. Enough!
Copy !req
1043. Just because I have a terrifying
name and an evil English accent,
Copy !req
1044. does not preclude the
fact that, in my heart,
Copy !req
1045. I am a Muppet, not a Moopet!
Copy !req
1046. Looks like it's I who
will have the last laugh!
Copy !req
1047. - What does that mean?
- It's an idiom, you idiot,
Copy !req
1048. because you cannot laugh! Ha ha!
Copy !req
1049. Oopsie.
Copy !req
1050. Deadly.
Copy !req
1051. Now that's a maniacal
laugh for you!
Copy !req
1052. Hey, Gary, Mary, how'd you
guys get here so fast?
Copy !req
1053. We travelled by map.
We thought it'd be quicker.
Copy !req
1054. Hey, I'm sorry I bailed.
I just...
Copy !req
1055. I realized you don't let
the most important person
Copy !req
1056. in your world slip away.
Copy !req
1057. - Hey, Scooter?
- Yeah?
Copy !req
1058. Could you do me a favor and
take over hosting duty?
Copy !req
1059. But, chief, I don't go onstage.
Copy !req
1060. Well, just do what I do.
Pretend that the audience is naked.
Copy !req
1061. Yeah, but, I...
Copy !req
1062. Ha... ha... ha...
Copy !req
1063. Uh, Miss Piggy?
Copy !req
1064. You are all naked.
Copy !req
1065. Well, sorta.
Copy !req
1066. OK. Great!
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Copy !req
1067. please welcome, a real hero...
Copy !req
1068. You saved it?
After all this time?
Copy !req
1069. Oh, Kermie.
Copy !req
1070. I guess I'm not that good at
saying this kind of stuff.
Copy !req
1071. - Yes, Kermie?
- Well...
Copy !req
1072. over the last week,
I realized that...
Copy !req
1073. I miss you.
Copy !req
1074. And I need you.
Copy !req
1075. And maybe you don't need the,
the whole world to love you.
Copy !req
1076. Maybe you just need one person.
Copy !req
1077. It's time for our song, and if we
don't raise the money tonight,
Copy !req
1078. it might be the last
time we sing together.
Copy !req
1079. And... Well, are you ready?
Copy !req
1080. Oh, Kermie.
Copy !req
1081. Hey, these are yours, man.
Copy !req
1082. I kept 'em for ya.
Copy !req
1083. - Drum.
- No drum
Copy !req
1084. - Drum!
- No drum!
Copy !req
1085. - Drum! Drum!
- No drum! No drum!
Copy !req
1086. You know what to do.
Copy !req
1087. Aaah! ♪ Someday we'll find it
Copy !req
1088. Drum! Drum, drum! Drum!
Copy !req
1089. Ah ha ha ha ha.
Copy !req
1090. You still got it, man!
Copy !req
1091. Piggy? Will you stay... for me?
Copy !req
1092. - For you, Kermie?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1093. Of course!
Copy !req
1094. Woo hoo!
Copy !req
1095. Thank you, everybody.
Copy !req
1096. Thank you, all.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Copy !req
1097. it's almost midnight and we haven't
quite reached our target yet,
Copy !req
1098. but if you'll all just stick around,
we'll be right back with our final act.
Copy !req
1099. The Muppet Telethon will
return after these messages.
Copy !req
1100. Walter?
Walter, where are you, buddy?
Copy !req
1101. Listen, everybody, the show ran short,
and we don't have anything else planned.
Copy !req
1102. We need one last act
to bring us home.
Copy !req
1103. I'm gonna go check on Jack Black
and see if he has any ideas.
Copy !req
1104. You guys see if you can
come up with something.
Copy !req
1105. We have two minutes!
Two minutes!
Copy !req
1106. - Think, think, think!
- What am I thinking?
Copy !req
1107. Walter. Walt!
Copy !req
1108. - Walter!
- Gary?
Copy !req
1109. - Wha... You came back.
- Walter.
Copy !req
1110. What are you doing down here?
Copy !req
1111. They just need one more act.
You gotta get out there and help those guys.
Copy !req
1112. I can't. What if people laugh at me?
I...
Copy !req
1113. I'd rather go back home to Smalltown.
With you.
Copy !req
1114. Look, Walter, you're my brother,
Copy !req
1115. and I'm always gonna love you, but
you belong here, with these guys.
Copy !req
1116. Hey, you're the one who
got Kermit to do this.
Copy !req
1117. You're the one who brought
everyone here together.
Copy !req
1118. You always believe in other
people, but that's easy.
Copy !req
1119. Sooner or later, you gotta
believe in yourself, too,
Copy !req
1120. because that's what
growing up is.
Copy !req
1121. It's becoming who
you want to be.
Copy !req
1122. You have to try. Please, Walter.
Copy !req
1123. You're my hero.
Copy !req
1124. OK, Jack Black's got nothing.
What did you guys come up with?
Copy !req
1125. - Bunsen can set Beaker on fire.
- No, no, no, we can't do that.
Copy !req
1126. - I could break out the fart shoes.
- No, no, no, that will never work!
Copy !req
1127. We're back in three, two...
Copy !req
1128. Oh, no!
Copy !req
1129. It's Walter.
Copy !req
1130. Thank you.
Copy !req
1131. - He's all grown up.
- Oh, that was wonderful!
Copy !req
1132. Ladies and gentlemen, Walter!
Copy !req
1133. It looks like we're going
to get our studio back!
Copy !req
1134. the Muppets are about to
take back their studio.
Copy !req
1135. Help! I've been mugged.
Alerting authorities.
Copy !req
1136. - We're sorry...
- What happened? Hello?
Copy !req
1137. - Hello?
- Guys, my phone is dead.
Copy !req
1138. My phone is also dead.
Repeat, my phone is also dead.
Copy !req
1139. Ooh...
Copy !req
1140. I did it. I beat you.
Copy !req
1141. Game over, Kermit. You lost.
Copy !req
1142. Chicky!
Copy !req
1143. Too late, Muppets. I won!
Turn that thing off!
Copy !req
1144. The show is over!
Copy !req
1145. But we were so close!
Copy !req
1146. Or not.
Copy !req
1147. It kinda makes me feel
better, honestly.
Copy !req
1148. I mean, we were
nowhere close at all.
Copy !req
1149. You artists formerly
known as the Muppets
Copy !req
1150. are standing on
private property.
Copy !req
1151. My private property
Copy !req
1152. And I'm telling you to leave.
Now!
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1153. He's right, everybody.
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1154. He won. We gotta go.
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1155. Not now, Fozzie.
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1156. - I can't believe this.
- I know.
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1157. Well, that's that.
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1158. This isn't right.
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1159. It can't end like this.
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1160. But what can we do?
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1161. Listen, everybody, we've got nothing
to be ashamed of. And you know why?
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1162. Well, because thanks to
Walter here, we tried.
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1163. And if we failed,
we failed together,
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1164. and to me, that's
not failing at all.
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1165. And I don't care what
anybody says.
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1166. And I don't care if no one
believes in us, because I believe.
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1167. - I believe in you.
- Huh?
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1168. - And you.
- Me?
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1169. And you.
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1170. You know, what's important
isn't this building or a name.
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1171. It's each other. So I say, fine,
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1172. let's just start at the bottom and
work our way back up to the top.
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1173. - Yeah.
- Let's all walk out through these doors
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1174. with our heads held high.
As a family.
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1175. - Because that's what we are.
- Yeah. Yeah.
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1176. Muppets, Muppets, Muppets!
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1177. Wow.
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1178. Muppets, Muppets, Muppets!
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1179. All right.
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1180. - Wow.
- Wow.
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1181. Hey, where's Walter?
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1182. See?
Your fans, they love you guys!
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1183. Hey, Walter.
Aren't you gonna join us?
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1184. - Yeah! Come on!
- Come on, Walter!
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1185. - Come on, Walter!
- Yes. Come!
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1186. What're you waiting for, buddy?
Get over there.
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1187. Yeah, go ahead.
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1188. Muppets! Muppets! Muppets!
Muppets! Muppets!
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1189. Hm? Oh.
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1190. How charming. A finale.
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1191. We're happier when
you don't sing.
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1192. Well, all of you. Yeah!
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1193. Hey, remember me?
I'm Jack Black!
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1194. No, what are you doing? Whoa, whoa.
No, no, no. Put me back down.
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1195. - All hail the Hobo King.
- What are you doing? This is insane.
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1196. I just have one question
I need to ask you.
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1197. Will you, Mary... marry me?
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1198. I own that name.
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1199. Hey, guys, I think I've
finally worked out how to...
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1200. "Oil" bet that hurt.
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1201. "Richman gives back
Muppet theater and name.
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1202. Change of heart.
Nothing to do with head injury.
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1203. - Yeah, for reallies!
- Yeah, you owe us money, man.
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1204. What the wocka?
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1205. Thank you.
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1206. "Miss Piggy promises to
stay out of the limelight.
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1207. Kermit says, 'We need
some time alone.
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1208. - Oh, Kermie, I'm so happy.
- What are you talking about?
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1209. Let's share our happiness with ten of
the world's largest news publications.
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1210. - How's the quiet life, Kermit?
- Piggy, froggy!
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1211. - How are you enjoying your time alone?
- Piggy!
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1212. Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
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