1. - I'm Statler.
- I'm Waldorf.Copy !req
2. We're here to heckle
The Muppet Movie.Copy !req
3. Gentlemen, that's straight ahead.
Private screening room D.Copy !req
4. - Private screening?
- Yeah, they're afraid to show it in public.Copy !req
5. Look at this place. What a dump.Copy !req
6. Bunch of weirdos around here.
Look at 'em.Copy !req
7. - Yes, I know you all want to sit with moi.
- Hey, lady. Is this seat taken?Copy !req
8. Hey, you! Hey! Bring that back.Copy !req
9. I'm so nervous. If I'm not funny,
I won't be able to live with myself.Copy !req
10. Well, then you'll have to get
another apartment, won't you?Copy !req
11. You know,
I hear this movie is dynamite.Copy !req
12. Get your fresh organic popcorn.
Only a buck.Copy !req
13. Honey. Buy me some, please.Copy !req
14. Sure, Momma.
Nothin's too good for my woman.Copy !req
15. Woman! Woman! Woman!Copy !req
16. - Well, I like the movie fine so far.
- It hasn't started yet.Copy !req
17. That's what I like about it.Copy !req
18. Do it.Copy !req
19. Hey, Mr. The Frog.Copy !req
20. Is it okay for me and my boomerang fish
to be in your movie?Copy !req
21. Hey!Copy !req
22. I told you, Lew.
Not in the movie or at the screening.Copy !req
23. Hey, but watch. Whoa!Copy !req
24. Kermit, does this film
have socially redeeming value?Copy !req
25. I... I certainly hope so, Sam.
Sorry about that.Copy !req
26. - Kermie.
- Hi, Piggy.Copy !req
27. Kermie, I tried to save you a seat,
but somebody took it.Copy !req
28. Hi, everybody, and welcome to the
first screening of The Muppet Movie.Copy !req
29. But before we begin, I'd like to thank
everyone who contributed to this film,Copy !req
30. starting with the little people,
from the hairdressers to special effects.Copy !req
31. That's enough of that, Harry.Copy !req
32. Boom! Blow it up. Ka-boom!Copy !req
33. - Boring.
- To the costume designers.Copy !req
34. - To the prop makers.
- Kermie, Kermie.Copy !req
35. Speeches are not necessary, dear.
Roll film.Copy !req
36. Yeah, but I'd like to thank everybody for
all of their hard work and their patienceCopy !req
37. - and their...
- Roll film! Roll film!Copy !req
38. Roll film.Copy !req
39. Excuse me.Copy !req
40. Uncle Kermit, is this about
how the Muppets really got started?Copy !req
41. Well, it's sort of approximately
how it happened.Copy !req
42. Why are there
so many songs about rainbowsCopy !req
43. And what's on the other side?Copy !req
44. Rainbows are visionsCopy !req
45. But only illusionsCopy !req
46. And rainbows have nothing to hideCopy !req
47. So we've been toldCopy !req
48. And some choose to believe itCopy !req
49. I know they're wrong, wait and seeCopy !req
50. Someday we'll find itCopy !req
51. The rainbow connectionCopy !req
52. The lovers, the dreamers and meCopy !req
53. Who said that every wishCopy !req
54. Would be heard and answeredCopy !req
55. When wished on the morning star?Copy !req
56. Somebody thought of thatCopy !req
57. And someone believed itCopy !req
58. Look what it's done so farCopy !req
59. What's so amazingCopy !req
60. That keeps us stargazing?Copy !req
61. And what do we think we might see?Copy !req
62. Someday we'll find itCopy !req
63. The rainbow connectionCopy !req
64. The lovers, the dreamers and meCopy !req
65. All of us under its spellCopy !req
66. We know that it's probably magicCopy !req
67. Have you been half asleep?Copy !req
68. And have you heard voices?Copy !req
69. I've heard them calling my nameCopy !req
70. Is this the sweet soundCopy !req
71. That calls the young sailors?Copy !req
72. The voice might be one and the sameCopy !req
73. I've heard it too many times to ignore itCopy !req
74. It's something that I'm supposed to beCopy !req
75. Someday we'll find itCopy !req
76. The rainbow connectionCopy !req
77. The lovers, the dreamers and meCopy !req
78. Help! Hello.Copy !req
79. This is a serious call for help.Copy !req
80. - Yeah?
- Someone help.Copy !req
81. I...Copy !req
82. You, you with the banjo.Copy !req
83. Can you help me?
I have lost my sense of direction.Copy !req
84. Have you tried Hare Krishna?Copy !req
85. No.Copy !req
86. No. I mean I'm really lost.Copy !req
87. One second.Copy !req
88. Darn, I missed. You know,
that's the first thing to go on a frog.Copy !req
89. His tongue. The tongue goes
and you can't catch flies.Copy !req
90. That's rough.
I'm sorry about your tongue,Copy !req
91. but I have to get out of this swamp.
I have to catch a plane.Copy !req
92. With that tongue? No way.Copy !req
93. But seriously,
there's a boat dock just downstream.Copy !req
94. - Thank you.
- Just watch out for the alligators.Copy !req
95. I will.Copy !req
96. - Alligators?
- That's right.Copy !req
97. Did you say alligators?Copy !req
98. Read my lips, alligators.Copy !req
99. It's just that I'm not used to alligators
where I come from.Copy !req
100. See, I'm an agent.
I... I winged in from Hollywood.Copy !req
101. - Hollywood?
- That's right.Copy !req
102. Did you say Hollywood?Copy !req
103. Read my lips, Hollywood. You know...Copy !req
104. HollywoodCopy !req
105. The dream factory, the magic store.Copy !req
106. Hey, don't you ever go to the movies?Copy !req
107. Sure. There's a double feature
in town every Saturday.Copy !req
108. - Wait a minute.
- What?Copy !req
109. There's an ad in here
that you should be very interested in.Copy !req
110. Feast your eyes on that.Copy !req
111. "World Wide Studios
announces open auditions for frogsCopy !req
112. "wishing to become rich and famous."Copy !req
113. Well, thanks anyway,
but I'm really pretty happy where I am.Copy !req
114. If I were you, I would give this audition
very careful consideration.Copy !req
115. You've got talent, kid.
Singin', tellin' jokes.Copy !req
116. I mean, if you get your tongue fixed,
who knows?Copy !req
117. You could make
millions of people happy.Copy !req
118. - Millions of people happy?
- Millions.Copy !req
119. Hey, if you ever come west
to Hollywood, look me up.Copy !req
120. Bernie the Agent.Copy !req
121. Hey, well, listen, Bernie, why don't you
say hello to Arnie the Alligator?Copy !req
122. - What?
- Arnie.Copy !req
123. Arnie, wait a minute. Careful, Arnie.Copy !req
124. Stay! Stay!Copy !req
125. Arnie, that's okay. Leave him alone.Copy !req
126. It's all right, he's from Hollywood.Copy !req
127. Hollywood. Gee.Copy !req
128. I...Copy !req
129. I'd miss this old swamp, but...Copy !req
130. Millions of people happy.Copy !req
131. What the...Copy !req
132. Okay, okay, you guys.
Now, come on. Do what I tell you.Copy !req
133. I don't know where you're...
All right, now...Copy !req
134. Don't step on that asphalt!Copy !req
135. I told you not to step on it.
We gotta get this... Off the asphalt!Copy !req
136. I told you, stay off the asphalt!Copy !req
137. Hey, look at him.Copy !req
138. Big legs.Copy !req
139. Hey, you on the bike!
Watch out! Watch out!Copy !req
140. - Watch out!
- Oh, my...Copy !req
141. Watch out!Copy !req
142. That's pretty dangerous, building
a road in the middle of the street.Copy !req
143. I mean, if frogs couldn't hop,
I'd be gone with the Schwinn.Copy !req
144. The El Sleezo Cafe.Copy !req
145. Foreign food.Copy !req
146. Doesn't smell promising,
but a frog's gotta eat.Copy !req
147. Wow.Copy !req
148. Rough place, huh?Copy !req
149. That's the toughest, meanest, filthiest,
pesthole on the face of the Earth.Copy !req
150. Well, why not complain to the owner?Copy !req
151. I am the owner.Copy !req
152. Watch out.
Hot plates comin' through. Look out.Copy !req
153. All right, you got
your French-fried frog legs on Cotton.Copy !req
154. You got your frog legs on Eugenie.
You got your frog legs stroganoff.Copy !req
155. Everybody happy? All right.Copy !req
156. Hello, sailor. Buy me a drink?Copy !req
157. Well, you see,
I'm not a sailor, I'm a frog.Copy !req
158. Cut the small talk and buy me a drink.Copy !req
159. - But I don't even know you.
- Hey. You makin' a move on my girl?Copy !req
160. - No, sir.
- He did, too. He touched me.Copy !req
161. Go wash. You'll get warts.Copy !req
162. - No, you see, that's just a myth.
- Yeah, but she's my "myth."Copy !req
163. - No, no. Myth, myth.
- Yeth?Copy !req
164. What the hey?Copy !req
165. Showtime. Showtime at the El Sleezo.Copy !req
166. And now, filling in for
the vacationing El Sleezo dancing girls,Copy !req
167. the funny, furry, fabulous Fozzie Bear.Copy !req
168. Hey, you're a great crowd.
Thank you, thank you and thank you.Copy !req
169. Hey, wacka, wacka.Copy !req
170. Here I am, Fozzie Bear,
to tell you jokes both old and rare.Copy !req
171. Let's start things off with a bang.Copy !req
172. Thank you, sir.Copy !req
173. This guy's lost.Copy !req
174. Maybe he should try Hare Krishna.Copy !req
175. Grief, it's a running gag.Copy !req
176. There was this sailor who was so fat...Copy !req
177. How fat was he?Copy !req
178. He was so fat that everybody liked himCopy !req
179. and there was
nothing funny about him at all.Copy !req
180. No problem.Copy !req
181. Wait, please. Please. Please wait.Copy !req
182. I'm trying so hard. Please don't do that.Copy !req
183. I'm a professional.
I've had three performances.Copy !req
184. - Cut, cut, please.
- Do you know any dance routines?Copy !req
185. What? Not really. Do you?Copy !req
186. - Play something snappy.
- You got it.Copy !req
187. - Now dance.
- What?Copy !req
188. - Dance.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
189. It's too bad the dancing girls are
on vacation. The crowd is getting ugly.Copy !req
190. You think this crowd's ugly,
you should see the dancing girls.Copy !req
191. Two, three, four.Copy !req
192. - Two, three, kick.
- Kick. Yeah, sorry.Copy !req
193. Coming home.Copy !req
194. Please. I just cleaned the fur. Please.Copy !req
195. I hope you appreciate
that I'm doing all my own stunts.Copy !req
196. Okay, everybody. Drinks on the house.Copy !req
197. Drinks on the house!
Man, come on, let's go.Copy !req
198. - Drinks on the house.
- Go, go. On the house.Copy !req
199. Drinks on the house.Copy !req
200. I don't see no drinks up here.
What's he talkin' about?Copy !req
201. The bartender said
there were drinks on the house.Copy !req
202. Works every time.Copy !req
203. Well... Well, hey, listen.Copy !req
204. My name is Kermit the Frog
and I'm on my way to Hollywood.Copy !req
205. - Hollywood?
- You wanna join me?Copy !req
206. Big-time show biz.
That's always been my dream.Copy !req
207. Yeah, well, they're holding auditions
for frogs next week.Copy !req
208. And if they need frogs,
they must need bears, too.Copy !req
209. My car's right outside.Copy !req
210. Gee, a Studebaker.
Where did you get it?Copy !req
211. - My uncle left it to me.
- Is he dead?Copy !req
212. No, he's hibernating.Copy !req
213. You know, Fozzie,
you really do have a lot of talent.Copy !req
214. Thank you.Copy !req
215. You know, how about you and me
putting together an act?Copy !req
216. No. Sorry. I only work as a single.Copy !req
217. Okay.Copy !req
218. All right. You talked me into it.
We'll be a team.Copy !req
219. Good.Copy !req
220. - What's this?
- Hey, you better pull over here.Copy !req
221. Yes, sir.Copy !req
222. Hey, what's going on?Copy !req
223. Howdy, Mr. Frog.Copy !req
224. - I'm a businessman with a proposition.
- What?Copy !req
225. Let me show you somethin'
that might change your whole life.Copy !req
226. Hop right on over here,
my little green friend.Copy !req
227. - Listen, mister.
- That's it.Copy !req
228. This is the kind of chance
you can't afford to pass up.Copy !req
229. No, now, don't be afraid.Copy !req
230. Watch the window.Copy !req
231. What's that?Copy !req
232. Hi, I'm Doc Hopper,Copy !req
233. invitin' you to hop on down and get
some Hopper's French-fried frog legs.Copy !req
234. Right here at the sign
of the bright green legs.Copy !req
235. - Good grief.
- Come on.Copy !req
236. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry.Copy !req
237. Frog legs, frog legs, frog legs are fineCopy !req
238. Hopper's is the place you should dineCopy !req
239. There's cheese legs
Bacon legs, chili legs tooCopy !req
240. French-fried frog legs barbecuedCopy !req
241. Fozzie.Copy !req
242. If you want just a snackCopy !req
243. Don't worry.Copy !req
244. Then here is the oneCopy !req
245. A frog leg burger on a bright green bunCopy !req
246. That is terrible.Copy !req
247. That's the most appalling, disgusting,
revolting thing I've ever seen.Copy !req
248. I know. I'm a great businessman
and a sweet fella,Copy !req
249. but I do lack the skills of a performer.Copy !req
250. You also make a lousy frog.Copy !req
251. You, on the other hand,
make a terrific frog.Copy !req
252. - What?
- He's right, you know.Copy !req
253. - You are very likable, Kermit.
- The bear's right.Copy !req
254. You, my little likable friend, are gonna
do all our television commercials.Copy !req
255. - No way.
- Hold it. Now, just a minute.Copy !req
256. There's $500 in it for you up-front.Copy !req
257. $500 is just the beginning.Copy !req
258. You could be earning this much
every year.Copy !req
259. - Let's go, Fozzie.
- $500?Copy !req
260. Would you consider
a bear in a frog suit?Copy !req
261. - Fozzie.
- Yes, sir. I just lost my head. I...Copy !req
262. Now, just a minute, Mr. Frog.
Everything's negotiable.Copy !req
263. Okay, here we go, here we go.Copy !req
264. - Sorry.
- Hey, that's my Caddy!Copy !req
265. - Just get it in gear, Fozzie.
- Yes, sir. Yes, sir.Copy !req
266. Frog, it's money we're talking about.Copy !req
267. Max!Copy !req
268. Follow that frog.Copy !req
269. Max!Copy !req
270. Follow that frog with me in the car!Copy !req
271. I'm sorry, Doc. I just got excited.Copy !req
272. Hey, do you like the frog?
Isn't he terrific, Doc?Copy !req
273. Terrific, Max, terrific. Now go!Copy !req
274. But you promised me a reward.Copy !req
275. Later, Max. Now follow that frog.Copy !req
276. - It's a gorgeous day.
- Yep, certainly is.Copy !req
277. - Yep, terrific day for a drive.
- It's beautiful country out here.Copy !req
278. A frog and a bear seeing America.Copy !req
279. Movin' right along
in search of good times and good newsCopy !req
280. With good friends, you can't loseCopy !req
281. This could become a habitCopy !req
282. Opportunity knocks once
Let's reach out and grab itCopy !req
283. - Yeah!
- Together we'll nab itCopy !req
284. We'll hitchhike, bus, or Yellow Cab itCopy !req
285. Cab it?Copy !req
286. Movin' right alongCopy !req
287. Footloose and fancy-freeCopy !req
288. Getting there is half the fun
Come share it with meCopy !req
289. Movin' right alongCopy !req
290. We'll learn to share the loadCopy !req
291. We don't need a map
to keep this show on the roadCopy !req
292. Hey, Fozzie, I want you to turn left
if you come to a fork in the road.Copy !req
293. Yes, sir. Turn left at the fork in the road.Copy !req
294. Kermit.Copy !req
295. I don't believe that.Copy !req
296. Movin' right along
We've found a life on the highwayCopy !req
297. And your way is my wayCopy !req
298. So trust my navigationCopy !req
299. California, here we come
Come pie in the sky landCopy !req
300. Palm trees and warm sandCopy !req
301. Though sadly we just left Rhode IslandCopy !req
302. - We did what?
- Just forget it.Copy !req
303. Movin' right alongCopy !req
304. Hey, LA, where have you gone?Copy !req
305. Send someone to fetch us
We're in SaskatchewanCopy !req
306. Movin' right alongCopy !req
307. You take it, you know bestCopy !req
308. Hey, I've never seen
the sun come up in the westCopy !req
309. A bear in his natural habitat.Copy !req
310. A Studebaker.Copy !req
311. - Hey, Fozzie, look up ahead.
- What is that?Copy !req
312. Maybe we should give him a ride.Copy !req
313. I don't know. He's pretty big.Copy !req
314. - Hey, there. Want a lift?
- No, thanks.Copy !req
315. I'm on my way to New York City
to try to break into public television.Copy !req
316. Good luck.Copy !req
317. Movin' right along
We're truly birds of a featherCopy !req
318. We're in this togetherCopy !req
319. And we know where we're goin'Copy !req
320. Movie stars with flashy cars
and life with the top downCopy !req
321. We're stormin' the big townCopy !req
322. Yeah, storm is right.
Should it be snowing?Copy !req
323. No, I don't think so.Copy !req
324. Movin' right alongCopy !req
325. Footloose and fancy-freeCopy !req
326. You're ready for the big timeCopy !req
327. Is it ready for me?Copy !req
328. Movin' right alongCopy !req
329. Hey.Copy !req
330. Hey, Fozzie, look up ahead there.Copy !req
331. There's one of those
Doc Hopper billboards.Copy !req
332. - Maybe you'd better pull over.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
333. Look at that.Copy !req
334. Kermit, that's you.Copy !req
335. You got the picture, boy?
You see what I mean?Copy !req
336. Kermit the Frog, symbol of
Doc Hopper's French-fried frog legs.Copy !req
337. Isn't that splendid? Just splendid.
Just take a look at it.Copy !req
338. All I can see are millions of frogs
on tiny crutches.Copy !req
339. Now, listen, boy.
Don't you wanna be rich and famous?Copy !req
340. - Not workin' for you, I don't.
- That's right.Copy !req
341. - Crutches?
- Shut up, Max.Copy !req
342. We're a small-time operation,
but we're expandin'.Copy !req
343. Expandin', just like you frogs expand.Copy !req
344. Don't you frogs expand?Copy !req
345. - That's a myth.
- What?Copy !req
346. Myth! Myth!Copy !req
347. Yeth?Copy !req
348. - Come on, Bear. Burn rubber.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
349. Hey, Frog!Copy !req
350. That's the second time!Copy !req
351. Max, I've done my best with that frog.
Now's the time to do my worst.Copy !req
352. - Open the door.
- No! You open the door.Copy !req
353. - What?
- I'm through, Doc. The frog is right.Copy !req
354. You're asking him to do something
terrible. I can't be a part of it.Copy !req
355. It's a moral decision and I'll stand by it.Copy !req
356. - I'll double your percentage.
- I'll open the door.Copy !req
357. Kermit, where are we?Copy !req
358. Well, let's see.Copy !req
359. We were just traveling down
this little black line here.Copy !req
360. And we just crossed
that little red line over here.Copy !req
361. Well, how about...
Let's take the blue line, huh?Copy !req
362. - No, we can't take that. That's a river.
- I knew that.Copy !req
363. - Yeah, sure.
- Listen, Kermit, why don't we just go...Copy !req
364. - Fozzie. Fozzie.
- Yeah?Copy !req
365. Who's driving?Copy !req
366. - Look out! Stop!
- No problem.Copy !req
367. - Okay, back it up.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
368. - Fozzie, where did you learn to drive?
- I took a correspondence course.Copy !req
369. This looks like a nice quiet spot.Copy !req
370. Boy, it feels like
we've been driving for days.Copy !req
371. Yeah. Funny, I'm still wide awake.Copy !req
372. Yeah, me, too.Copy !req
373. Me, too.Copy !req
374. What? What? What? I'm up, I'm up.Copy !req
375. What's that?Copy !req
376. They don't look like Presbyterians
to me.Copy !req
377. Hey, cool it, everybody.Copy !req
378. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.Copy !req
379. Our gentle mornin' melodies
have attracted wanderin' admirers.Copy !req
380. - Hey, who are you guys?
- We am, is, are and beCopy !req
381. they whom as are known as
the Electric Mayhem.Copy !req
382. For sure.Copy !req
383. He's Dr. Teeth.Copy !req
384. Golden teeth and golden tones.
Welcome to my presence.Copy !req
385. - Thank you.
- Fozzie.Copy !req
386. - I'm Floyd, I blow bass.
- And I'm...Copy !req
387. I'm...Copy !req
388. Zoot. Sax is your ax.Copy !req
389. Zoot's skipped a groove again.Copy !req
390. Wow, like, I'm Janice.
I'm lead guitar, for surely.Copy !req
391. Yeah. That's Animal.
Show 'em what you do, Animal.Copy !req
392. I want to eat drums.Copy !req
393. No, no. Beat drums, beat drums.Copy !req
394. Beat drums. Beat drums.Copy !req
395. - Down, Animal. Back. Sit.
- Down. Back. Sit.Copy !req
396. Hey, don't forget about me.Copy !req
397. I'm Scooter, the band's road manager.Copy !req
398. Yeah. The road manager.
We couldn't go anywhere without him.Copy !req
399. - He's the man with the contacts?
- No, he's the man with the van.Copy !req
400. Yeah, we're takin' this old church
and turnin' it into a coffeehouse.Copy !req
401. Yeah, with real good music
and organic refreshments.Copy !req
402. It'll be so fine and laid-back
and mellow and profitable.Copy !req
403. Profitable.Copy !req
404. Yeah, but what brings you dudes here?Copy !req
405. Listen, see, Kermit here,
he was living in the swamp...Copy !req
406. - Fozzie.
and then a fisherman came along.Copy !req
407. Fozzie, you can't tell 'em
the whole story.Copy !req
408. You'll bore the audience.Copy !req
409. Sorry.Copy !req
410. But, Kermit,
the band here wants to know.Copy !req
411. Well, let 'em read the screenplay.Copy !req
412. Yes, sir.Copy !req
413. You see, it starts here on page one.Copy !req
414. The Muppet Movie, huh?Copy !req
415. Let's see.Copy !req
416. "Exterior. Swamp. Day.
In a long helicopter shot,Copy !req
417. "we discover Kermit the Frog
playin' his banjo and singin'.Copy !req
418. "A Hollywood agent
starts the frog travelin' west.Copy !req
419. "Doc Hopper comes on strong
and they get to this church.Copy !req
420. "Interior. Church. Day.Copy !req
421. "Fozzie. 'They don't look like
Presbyterians to me.'Copy !req
422. "Kermit and Fozzie
come walkin' down the aisleCopy !req
423. "to the thunderously loud music
of Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem."Copy !req
424. - Which am us.
- For sure, for sure.Copy !req
425. This is a narrative
of very heavy-duty proportions.Copy !req
426. Yeah. Cosmic, man.Copy !req
427. We gotta keep his little froggy self
away from this Hopper dude.Copy !req
428. Too true, too true.Copy !req
429. It is indeed a problem
for us to probosculate upon.Copy !req
430. But it seems to me that the frog and
the bear are temporarily out of service.Copy !req
431. Wow, like, what can we do
to help them?Copy !req
432. - Well, if this were the movies...
- Which it is.Copy !req
433. we'd think of a clever plot device.Copy !req
434. Like disguising their car
so they won't be recognized.Copy !req
435. Right. Two, three, four.Copy !req
436. Yeah!Copy !req
437. All right.Copy !req
438. Everybody's lover, everybody's brotherCopy !req
439. I wanna be your lifetime friendCopy !req
440. Crazy as a rocket, nothin' in my pocketCopy !req
441. I'll keep it at the rainbow's endCopy !req
442. I never think of money
I think of milk and honeyCopy !req
443. Grinnin' like a Cheshire catCopy !req
444. I focus on the pleasure
Somethin' I can treasureCopy !req
445. Can you picture that?Copy !req
446. Yeah.Copy !req
447. Hey, Floyd. Take a verse.Copy !req
448. Let me take your picture
Add it to the mixtureCopy !req
449. There it is, I got you nowCopy !req
450. Really nothin' to it, anyone can do itCopy !req
451. It's easy and we all know howCopy !req
452. Now begins the changin'
Mental rearrangin'Copy !req
453. Nothin's really where it's atCopy !req
454. Now the Eiffel Tower's
holdin' up a flowerCopy !req
455. I gave it to a Texas catCopy !req
456. Fact is there's nothin' out there
you can't doCopy !req
457. Yeah, even Santa Claus
believes in youCopy !req
458. Beat down the walls
Begin, believe, begatCopy !req
459. Be a better drummer
Be an up-and-comerCopy !req
460. Can you picture that?Copy !req
461. Only what you gotCopy !req
462. All of us are winnin'
Pickin' and a-grinnin'Copy !req
463. Lordy, but I love to jamCopy !req
464. Jelly-belly gigglin'
Dancin' and a-wigglin'Copy !req
465. Honey, that's the way I amCopy !req
466. I lost my heart in Texas
Northern lights affects usCopy !req
467. I keep it underneath my hatCopy !req
468. Aurora Borealis
Shinin' down on DallasCopy !req
469. Can you picture that?Copy !req
470. Can you picture?Copy !req
471. You gotta see it in your mindCopy !req
472. Can you picture?Copy !req
473. You know it's quick and easy to findCopy !req
474. Can you picture?Copy !req
475. You don't have to buy a frameCopy !req
476. Can you picture?Copy !req
477. Can you picture that?Copy !req
478. - Use it if you need it
- Don't forget to feed itCopy !req
479. Can you picture that?Copy !req
480. Great job.Copy !req
481. Doc Hopper will never
recognize you now.Copy !req
482. - I don't know how to thank you guys.
- I don't know why to thank you guys.Copy !req
483. Our pleasure, green stuff.Copy !req
484. Are you sure you won't
come with us to Hollywood?Copy !req
485. Can't, baby,
but when you get rich and famous,Copy !req
486. maybe we'll show up
and exploit your wealth.Copy !req
487. Movin' right along, Fozzie.Copy !req
488. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.Copy !req
489. Hollywood! Hollywood!Copy !req
490. Hollywood!Copy !req
491. Hollywood! Hollywood! Hollywood!Copy !req
492. Remember, this frog does everything.
He talks, he sings, he dances.Copy !req
493. He tells jokes. He even rides a bicycle.Copy !req
494. Max, find me a frog and a bear
in a tan Studebaker.Copy !req
495. Gee, Doc. All I can seeCopy !req
496. is a frog and a bear
in a rainbow-colored Studebaker.Copy !req
497. What?Copy !req
498. - Fozzie, they're right behind us.
- I know, I know.Copy !req
499. - Well, how did they recognize us?
- They recognized you.Copy !req
500. - What do you mean?
- There's a hundred bears around.Copy !req
501. I'm gaining on 'em, Doc.
I'm gaining on 'em.Copy !req
502. - Can't you drive any faster?
- No, sir.Copy !req
503. There's a sign up ahead there.
Pull in front of that.Copy !req
504. - Move. Now duck.
- What?Copy !req
505. - Get down, Fozzie.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
506. Yeah?Copy !req
507. Yeah.Copy !req
508. I tell you, Camilla,
great plumbers are born, not made.Copy !req
509. I'm a prince of plunger, fair maiden.Copy !req
510. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll do that.
But first, wait till we get there.Copy !req
511. Fozzie, look at that funny little truck.Copy !req
512. Yeah, it's cute, huh?Copy !req
513. No, it's coming straight at us.Copy !req
514. We're gonna hit.Copy !req
515. We missed it.Copy !req
516. You call that a miss?Copy !req
517. Well, I'm getting in your car.Copy !req
518. Oh, boy.Copy !req
519. You guys okay?Copy !req
520. Why are you hopping up and down?Copy !req
521. Because I'm hopping mad.Copy !req
522. Guy's got a sense of humor.Copy !req
523. - Hey, why don't you join us?
- Where are you going?Copy !req
524. - We're following our dream.
- Really? I have a dream, too.Copy !req
525. But you'll think it's stupid.Copy !req
526. - No, I won't.
- Tell us, tell us.Copy !req
527. Well, I wanna go to Bombay, India
and become a movie star.Copy !req
528. You don't go to Bombay
to become a movie star.Copy !req
529. You go where we're going, Hollywood.Copy !req
530. Sure, if you wanna do it the easy way.Copy !req
531. We picked up a weirdo.Copy !req
532. Hey, look up ahead.
There's Mad Man Mooney's.Copy !req
533. - What's that?
- It's a used-car lot.Copy !req
534. I think we can trade in both these
old cars and get one big one.Copy !req
535. - Wait. Trade in my uncle's Studebaker?
- Sure.Copy !req
536. When he wakes up, he'll kill me.Copy !req
537. You're swinging this turn
very wide, Fozzie.Copy !req
538. Well, hold it, will you?
Just... Here we go. Up the bump.Copy !req
539. There we go. Hold on. All right.Copy !req
540. Pull up ahead there.Copy !req
541. - Look at these cars.
- Kermit, Kermit, Kermit.Copy !req
542. - Are you gonna sell my plunger, too?
- There's all kinds of great cars.Copy !req
543. No, he's not gonna sell your plunger.Copy !req
544. Look at 'em up there.
Pull it up a little further here, Fozzie.Copy !req
545. Where should I stop?Copy !req
546. - How should I stop?
- A little bit farther.Copy !req
547. - Easy, easy.
- Okay. Here?Copy !req
548. - Everybody out of the car.
- Okay. Chickens first.Copy !req
549. My dear friends. Welcome
to Mad Man Mooney's hubcap heaven.Copy !req
550. Today... Today is your lucky day.Copy !req
551. - It is?
- Yes, it is. You, for example...Copy !req
552. - You're driving the wrong car.
- I am?Copy !req
553. I can put you in this German
street machine for only $2,000,Copy !req
554. less a $12 trade-in on your old vehicle.Copy !req
555. Now, this...
This car is one of the greatest...Copy !req
556. Detachable fenders for narrow garages.Copy !req
557. No, thanks.Copy !req
558. Hey, what is this pile of...
Jack, get rid of this heap.Copy !req
559. Come out here!Copy !req
560. - What? What?
- What's the matter with you?Copy !req
561. - That's my jack.
- Hi, Jack.Copy !req
562. Jack not name. Jack job.Copy !req
563. How many times have I told you
not to talk to the customers?Copy !req
564. - Gee, I know, but...
- Just move this.Copy !req
565. Move it. You understand?Copy !req
566. Wow.Copy !req
567. But seriously, friends,Copy !req
568. Mad Man Mooney doesn't believe
in all that dealing and wheeling.Copy !req
569. No, the price on the sticker
is the price you pay.Copy !req
570. And never more and never less.Copy !req
571. We'll take that one for $11.95.Copy !req
572. What?Copy !req
573. Less our $12 trade-in.
You owe us a nickel.Copy !req
574. Thank you very much.
Hey, we're all going to Hollywood.Copy !req
575. - Do you wanna come with us?
- Hollywood?Copy !req
576. That's strange, he just ran away.
Well, movin' right along, Fozzie.Copy !req
577. Yes, sir.Copy !req
578. Hey, watch where
you're going now, Fozzie.Copy !req
579. Yes, sir.Copy !req
580. Hey!Copy !req
581. Hey, where are you goin'?
Hey! Wait for me.Copy !req
582. I wanna go to Hollywood.
Hey, wait for me!Copy !req
583. Come on, guys. Wait! Please!Copy !req
584. I wanna go to Hollywood.Copy !req
585. Testing, one, two, three. Testing.
Can you hear me?Copy !req
586. Well, it's time to announceCopy !req
587. the winner of this year's
Bogen County beauty pageant.Copy !req
588. We sure grow 'em purdy
around here, don't we?Copy !req
589. All right. Here they are.Copy !req
590. - The first runner-up...
- What's over there, Kermit?Copy !req
591. is Debbie-Sue Anderson.
- Over there. See?Copy !req
592. Nice-looking girls, huh?Copy !req
593. - Wow. Nice-looking chickens.
- What?Copy !req
594. - No hard feelings, honey.
- Before announcing the winner,Copy !req
595. I think we should thank
the judges of today's contest,Copy !req
596. Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy.Copy !req
597. You're not gonna believe
who the winner is, folks.Copy !req
598. - Come, now, Charlie. It's their movie.
- So it is. So it is.Copy !req
599. And here she is, folks.
This year's Miss Bogen County...Copy !req
600. Miss Piggy!Copy !req
601. Thank you.Copy !req
602. Wow, it's a pig. Did you see that?Copy !req
603. Thank you, everyone. Thank you.Copy !req
604. Debbie-Sue.Copy !req
605. Elma-Jane.Copy !req
606. Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
607. Kissy-kissy. Kissy-kissy. Thank you.Copy !req
608. - Kermit, you know...
- Not... Not right now, Fozzie.Copy !req
609. I just want to say one thing.Copy !req
610. This is the happiest moment of my...Copy !req
611. Never beforeCopy !req
612. Have two souls joined so freelyCopy !req
613. And so fastCopy !req
614. For me this is the first timeCopy !req
615. And the lastCopy !req
616. Is this an angel's wishCopy !req
617. For men?Copy !req
618. Never beforeCopy !req
619. And never againCopy !req
620. And where to find the wordsCopy !req
621. To sing its worthCopy !req
622. This love was bound for heavenCopy !req
623. Not for EarthCopy !req
624. This love was meantCopy !req
625. To light the starsCopy !req
626. But when we touchedCopy !req
627. We made it oursCopy !req
628. And could they take it back?Copy !req
629. Oh, no, they wouldn't dareCopy !req
630. Why should they take it backCopy !req
631. When there's enoughCopy !req
632. To share with all the worldCopy !req
633. And fill the heavens aboveCopy !req
634. With leftover love?Copy !req
635. Never beforeCopy !req
636. A love that keeps on growingCopy !req
637. On and onCopy !req
638. To fill each lover's heartCopy !req
639. And light the dawnCopy !req
640. Is this an angel's wishCopy !req
641. For men?Copy !req
642. Never beforeCopy !req
643. And never againCopy !req
644. Never beforeCopy !req
645. And never againCopy !req
646. Thanks. Excuse me.Copy !req
647. - Yes. Of course.
- Yeah.Copy !req
648. Listen, congratulations
on winning the beauty contest.Copy !req
649. Thank you. Of course, normally,
I don't do anything so trivial.Copy !req
650. - I am an actress-model.
- Is that right?Copy !req
651. Well... I...
I'm gonna be a performer, too.Copy !req
652. Hey, Kermit.
Who's the cute-lookin' pig?Copy !req
653. I beg your pardon.Copy !req
654. If you were a chicken,
you'd be impeccable.Copy !req
655. Gonzo.Copy !req
656. Hey, I thought we were
gonna go get some ice cream.Copy !req
657. Well, in a minute. I'll join you.Copy !req
658. Well...Copy !req
659. What are you doing in town,
short, green and handsome?Copy !req
660. Well... We're headed west.Copy !req
661. - Really?
- Yeah, but...Copy !req
662. You know, I really should
join my friends for ice cream.Copy !req
663. You... You wanna come along?Copy !req
664. Me? You mean it?Copy !req
665. I'll be right back.Copy !req
666. Don't move.Copy !req
667. Hello. I'd like an ice cream.Copy !req
668. What do you want? Chocolate, vanilla,
coffee, peach fudge, rum, banana?Copy !req
669. - Honey.
- Honey?Copy !req
670. I beg your pardon. I hardly know you.Copy !req
671. But seriously,
I'd like a honey ice cream cone for me.Copy !req
672. And a dragonfly ripple
for my friend, the frog.Copy !req
673. Okay. One honey cone for the bear.Copy !req
674. And one dragonfly ripple for the frog.Copy !req
675. - Don't get 'em mixed up.
- Gotcha.Copy !req
676. All right, all right, Camilla.Copy !req
677. I'll get you a balloon,
but you have to pick the color.Copy !req
678. Red or green?Copy !req
679. - Can I give you a word of advice?
- What?Copy !req
680. Why not take both?Copy !req
681. What a wild idea.Copy !req
682. Yeah. A beautiful chicken like that
deserves two balloons.Copy !req
683. - You're right.
- I have guys come in all the time.Copy !req
684. Sometimes they get a bunch of balloons
for their girls.Copy !req
685. - They go gaga for it.
- Gaga? I'll take the whole bunch.Copy !req
686. Gaga. Gaga.Copy !req
687. Gonzo?Copy !req
688. Wonder...Copy !req
689. Where they went? Fozzie?Copy !req
690. Kermit. Kermit.Copy !req
691. Hey, Kermit. Hey.
Where's your pig friend?Copy !req
692. Well, I'm not really sure. She said
she was coming for ice cream, but...Copy !req
693. Here I am. Here I am.Copy !req
694. - I'm packed. I'm packed.
- Yeah, so I see.Copy !req
695. What for?Copy !req
696. You said I could come with you.Copy !req
697. Yeah, but...
To buy ice cream, not to Hollywood.Copy !req
698. - We're going to Hollywood?
- No. I mean, listen...Copy !req
699. When I... When I said...
I mean, well, when you heard...Copy !req
700. Oh, brother.Copy !req
701. What? Gonzo?Copy !req
702. - Gonzo! What are you doing?
- What?Copy !req
703. About seven knots.Copy !req
704. - We'll follow you. To the car.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
705. Gonzo, we're coming!Copy !req
706. - Step on it, Fozzie!
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
707. - Kermit. You're a born leader.
- Now, where is he?Copy !req
708. Isn't this great?
Here I am floating in space.Copy !req
709. This is the place to be.Copy !req
710. - Fozzie.
- Yes.Copy !req
711. - Bear left.
- What?Copy !req
712. - Bear left.
- Right, Frog.Copy !req
713. - What? That's cute.
- Never mind.Copy !req
714. This is...
Look at our little car down there.Copy !req
715. This is like flying.Copy !req
716. Hey, this is flying.Copy !req
717. I'm flying!Copy !req
718. Doc, isn't that a frog up there?Copy !req
719. No, that's a frog down here.Copy !req
720. He's caught in a crosswind, Fozzie.
We're gonna lose him.Copy !req
721. No.Copy !req
722. - What are you doin', Doc?
- I'm goin' after the tires.Copy !req
723. We're okay now. The wind's shifted.Copy !req
724. - Wait a minute. Stay with him, Fozzie.
- Yeah.Copy !req
725. He's right above us.Copy !req
726. - He's okay.
- Yeah. Hi, Gonzo.Copy !req
727. - Fozzie, come back in here.
- What?Copy !req
728. - Come back in here.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
729. Why don't you stay on the road?Copy !req
730. Kermit!Copy !req
731. Look out for the billboard.Copy !req
732. No!Copy !req
733. - Take off, Fozzie.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
734. Come back, you!Copy !req
735. No frog's gonna
make a monkey out of me!Copy !req
736. I'm back.Copy !req
737. I don't understand any of this.Copy !req
738. I just gotta catch up with those guys.Copy !req
739. Kermit, you were so courageous.
So magnificent.Copy !req
740. - Gee, I don't know what to say.
- Say the bear was magnificent.Copy !req
741. After all, I did the driving.Copy !req
742. And I took a 100-foot belly flop
onto a moving car.Copy !req
743. Yes, but Kermit assumed the awesome
responsibility of command.Copy !req
744. - Gee.
- Oh, brother.Copy !req
745. Why don't we stop somewhere
for the nightCopy !req
746. and have a quiet little dinner...Copy !req
747. For two?Copy !req
748. Terrific! I'll eat with you, Miss Piggy.Copy !req
749. Not you, buzzard beak.Copy !req
750. Just mon capitaineCopy !req
751. and moi.Copy !req
752. Well... That... That might be nice.Copy !req
753. Wow.Copy !req
754. Good evening, Miss Piggy.Copy !req
755. You look lovely tonight.Copy !req
756. Thank you.Copy !req
757. I'm so sorry if I kept you waiting.Copy !req
758. It... It was worth it.Copy !req
759. How charming of vous.Copy !req
760. I... I took the liberty
of ordering us some wine.Copy !req
761. Waiter.Copy !req
762. Yes?Copy !req
763. May I help you?Copy !req
764. The... The wine, please.Copy !req
765. You mad, impetuous thing.
It's champagne.Copy !req
766. Not exactly. Sparkling muscatel.Copy !req
767. One of the finest wines of Idaho.Copy !req
768. Well, you may serve us now, please.Copy !req
769. May I?Copy !req
770. - Look how he does that.
- Yep.Copy !req
771. Very suave.Copy !req
772. Don't you want to smell the bottle cap?Copy !req
773. - Smells good.
- Yes.Copy !req
774. - Would you like to taste it first?
- Well...Copy !req
775. I think he's supposed to.Copy !req
776. Would you taste it for us, please?Copy !req
777. - Excellent choice.
- Should be for 95 cents.Copy !req
778. - And may we have straws, please?
- Yes.Copy !req
779. I expected that.Copy !req
780. Thank you. That'll be all for now.Copy !req
781. Thank you.Copy !req
782. Thank you very much. Thank you.Copy !req
783. Here's to you, Miss Piggy.Copy !req
784. Drink up.Copy !req
785. Makes me giggly.Copy !req
786. The wine?Copy !req
787. Everything.Copy !req
788. It's a beautiful evening, isn't it?Copy !req
789. The moon is just lovely.Copy !req
790. You know, Miss Piggy,Copy !req
791. the moon doesn't look like you.Copy !req
792. Miss Piggy.Copy !req
793. - Are you Miss Piggy?
- Yes.Copy !req
794. Telephone.Copy !req
795. Kermie, I did place
one phone call to my agent.Copy !req
796. It'll only be an eensy-teensy moment.Copy !req
797. What the hey?Copy !req
798. Evenin'. Rowlf, Rowlf the Dog.Copy !req
799. Sit yourself down.Copy !req
800. - Kermit, Kermit the Frog.
- Pleased to meet you.Copy !req
801. I'm no Heifetz, but I get by.Copy !req
802. That was... That was very nice.Copy !req
803. A broken heart, right?Copy !req
804. - Does it show?
- Listen.Copy !req
805. When you've been ticklin' the ivories
as long as I have,Copy !req
806. you've seen a broken heart
for every drop of rain,Copy !req
807. a shattered dream for every fallen star.Copy !req
808. Exactly. She just walked out on me.Copy !req
809. Yeah? Typical. That's why I live alone.Copy !req
810. - You do, huh?
- You bet.Copy !req
811. I finish work, I go home, read a book,Copy !req
812. have a couple of beers,
take myself for a walk and go to bed.Copy !req
813. Nice and simple.Copy !req
814. Stay away from women, that's my motto.Copy !req
815. - But I can't.
- Neither can I. That's my trouble.Copy !req
816. You can't live with 'emCopy !req
817. You can't live without 'emCopy !req
818. There's somethin'
irresistible-ish about 'emCopy !req
819. We grin and bear it
'cause the nights are longCopy !req
820. I hope that
somethin' better comes alongCopy !req
821. I see what you mean.Copy !req
822. It's no good complainin'Copy !req
823. And pointless to hollerCopy !req
824. If she's a beauty
She'll get under your collarCopy !req
825. She made a monkey
out of old King KongCopy !req
826. I hope that
somethin' better comes alongCopy !req
827. Still, it's fun when they're fetchin'Copy !req
828. And agree to see an etching
that you keep at your lily padCopy !req
829. There is no solution
It's part of evolutionCopy !req
830. The pitter-patter of souls
The little feet of tadpolesCopy !req
831. Rowlf, tadpoles don't have feet.Copy !req
832. Sorry about that. Two, three, four.Copy !req
833. There's no limitation
to mixin' and matchin'Copy !req
834. Some get an itchin'
for a critter they've been scratchin'Copy !req
835. A skunk was badgered
The results were strongCopy !req
836. I hope that somethin' betterCopy !req
837. I hope that
somethin' better comes alongCopy !req
838. Phone call for Kermit the Frog.Copy !req
839. - Are you Kermit the Frog?
- Yeah.Copy !req
840. Phone.Copy !req
841. It's not often you see a guy that green
have the blues that bad.Copy !req
842. - Hello.
- Kermie, please...Copy !req
843. - Piggy, is that you?
- Yes, that's her.Copy !req
844. And this is Doc Hopper.
You listen, Frog. And listen good.Copy !req
845. Step outside the motel right now.Copy !req
846. My guys will meet you there.Copy !req
847. Well... What if I don't?Copy !req
848. Then your girlfriend
will be ham-hocked by breakfast.Copy !req
849. Kermie. Don't, don't, don't, don't.Copy !req
850. Are you the guys I'm supposed to meet?Copy !req
851. That's good, Glen. That's good.
That's nice and tight.Copy !req
852. - The Professor's here, Doc.
- Show him in. Show him in.Copy !req
853. Kermie, I'm not a bit worried.Copy !req
854. I know you're planning
something bold and clever.Copy !req
855. Well, I got us this far, didn't I?Copy !req
856. - How are you?
- Professor Krassman.Copy !req
857. It's good to see you, Doc,
you little rustic devil, you.Copy !req
858. Where's my victim?Copy !req
859. I mean, patient?Copy !req
860. Step this way, Professor.
Let me introduce you to your patient.Copy !req
861. Professor Krassman is the world'sCopy !req
862. leadin' authority
on mind control in frogs.Copy !req
863. It's a very rapidly growing field.
You like garlic, don't you?Copy !req
864. Tell us what you're gonna do
to our little Kermit.Copy !req
865. Well, we're going to perform
an electronic cerebrectomy.Copy !req
866. A what?Copy !req
867. Electronic cerebrectomy.Copy !req
868. What's that?Copy !req
869. It's something so sensational
that you'll have to hold on to your hat.Copy !req
870. Yes?Copy !req
871. When a German scientist says,
"Hold on to your hat,"Copy !req
872. it's not casual conversation.Copy !req
873. Hold on to your hat! Hat! Hold! Good.Copy !req
874. Now, what we're going to do is bring out
a machine that's going to wow you.Copy !req
875. Bertram! Bertram, you...
Bring out the machine!Copy !req
876. Wait till you see this.
You think we're sleeping in Düsseldorf?Copy !req
877. You think
we're taking a nap in Cologne?Copy !req
878. No, we're working at night.
Each night a new dial, a new knob...Copy !req
879. Electronic...Copy !req
880. Cerebrectomy, cerebrectomy.
Electronic cerebrectomy.Copy !req
881. - What does it do?
- What does it do? What does it do?Copy !req
882. It turns the brains into guacamole.Copy !req
883. First of all, I'll pull out of this, okay?Copy !req
884. Wonderful.Copy !req
885. Second?Copy !req
886. Halt!Copy !req
887. I detest
the surfeit of provincial laughter.Copy !req
888. Now, we take your friend,
the little F-O-R-G,Copy !req
889. put him in the chair,
clamp on the terminals,Copy !req
890. drop the electronic yarmulke,Copy !req
891. and throw,
what we call in German, the switch.Copy !req
892. Yes, you little green devil. Soon it'll be
a hot time for the old skull tonight.Copy !req
893. Thank you, Herr Machine.Copy !req
894. Now, the frog will do your bidding.Copy !req
895. He will do your every whim,
your every wish.Copy !req
896. He will
do your television commercial, yes.Copy !req
897. He will sell your frogs' legs.Copy !req
898. - Zaparoonie.
- Head full of jelly.Copy !req
899. - A noggin full of library paste.
- Let's fry them brains!Copy !req
900. Professor Krassman,
you've got a fun job.Copy !req
901. I love it, I love it.Copy !req
902. If I can inflict a little pain during
the afternoon, I sleep good at night.Copy !req
903. - Well, we'll let you get on with it, then.
- My pleasure.Copy !req
904. Max.Copy !req
905. I'll be back later
to pick up what's left of the frog.Copy !req
906. What's left of the frog?Copy !req
907. You can have everything,
excuse the brain.Copy !req
908. All right. Bring over the frog.Copy !req
909. Kermie.Copy !req
910. Whatever happens next,Copy !req
911. I wouldn't give up this evening together
for anything.Copy !req
912. - Would you?
- Make me an offer.Copy !req
913. Kermie.Copy !req
914. - Hey.
- Okay.Copy !req
915. I got him. I got him.Copy !req
916. Good, good, good, good, good.Copy !req
917. And why don't we
take a little seat, Kermit?Copy !req
918. Hands down.Copy !req
919. Get the feet into place.Copy !req
920. Will you stop whimpering?
Go out like a frog, not a little toad.Copy !req
921. Okay, Herr Machine.
This is big time here.Copy !req
922. Ready to go to work? Hand clamps!Copy !req
923. Foot clamps!Copy !req
924. You can struggle all you want now, frog.Copy !req
925. It'll do you very little good.Copy !req
926. All right. And now it's time
to drop the electronic beanie.Copy !req
927. Soon, there'll be enough voltage
coursing through your little frog brainCopy !req
928. to light up Cincinnati.Copy !req
929. Please, please. Not my frog. Please!Copy !req
930. - Say goodbye to the frog, pig.
- Why should I?Copy !req
931. Because in 10 seconds,
he won't know you from kosher bacon.Copy !req
932. That does it!Copy !req
933. What the heck's goin' on here?
A pig that goes bananas?Copy !req
934. What is this? A luau?Copy !req
935. - Where'd she go?
- Boys.Copy !req
936. - There she is.
- Get her!Copy !req
937. I must reach the switch. I must...Copy !req
938. - Switch. I must reach...
- No.Copy !req
939. - Now, Kermie.
- Thank you.Copy !req
940. Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit.Copy !req
941. Well...Copy !req
942. Shall we go now, Kermie?Copy !req
943. Well...Copy !req
944. Just a second.Copy !req
945. Hello.Copy !req
946. Piggy, it's your agent.Copy !req
947. Thank you.Copy !req
948. Yeah, Morty, what have you got?Copy !req
949. Commercial?Copy !req
950. How much?Copy !req
951. When?Copy !req
952. Take it.Copy !req
953. Goodbye.Copy !req
954. - What's going on?
- Hey, what happened?Copy !req
955. Irritated!Copy !req
956. Don't worry, Animal.
Your big scene is coming up.Copy !req
957. Yeah, yeah. Just be cool
and eat another seat cushion.Copy !req
958. Seat cushion!Copy !req
959. Well, how do you like the film?Copy !req
960. I've seen detergents
that leave a better film than this.Copy !req
961. Well, I don't care
what anybody else says.Copy !req
962. I'm having a great time.Copy !req
963. Good.Copy !req
964. Der flim is okey-dokey.Copy !req
965. - Good. Roll film.
- Flim is rolling.Copy !req
966. - Quiet.
- Quiet.Copy !req
967. Quiet, Gonzo.Copy !req
968. - This is the patriotic part.
- Should we stand up?Copy !req
969. No.Copy !req
970. O beautiful for spacious skiesCopy !req
971. For amber waves of grainCopy !req
972. For purple mountain majestiesCopy !req
973. Above the fruited plainsCopy !req
974. America, AmericaCopy !req
975. God shed his grace on theeCopy !req
976. And crown thy good with brotherhoodCopy !req
977. From sea to shining seaCopy !req
978. Patriotism swells
in the heart of the American bear.Copy !req
979. Hold it, boys. Hold it!Copy !req
980. Hold your fire!Copy !req
981. Boys, no reflection
on the job you've been doin',Copy !req
982. but I decided to bring in a specialist.Copy !req
983. Now, boys, this is Snake Walker.Copy !req
984. Tell 'em what you do, Snake.Copy !req
985. Kill frogs.Copy !req
986. - How long is it to Hollywood?
- We gotta be there by tomorrow.Copy !req
987. Hey, Kermit. Are you gonna
get an agent like that pig had?Copy !req
988. Gonzo, you know
he's touchy about that.Copy !req
989. - Hey, who's that?
- I don't believe that.Copy !req
990. - Piggy?
- Kermit.Copy !req
991. Kermit.Copy !req
992. - That's Piggy.
- Yeah, I know.Copy !req
993. Hey, do you think
we should help her with her bag?Copy !req
994. - No.
- Kermie.Copy !req
995. Kermie,
what an unbelievable coincidence.Copy !req
996. Hello again. It's me.Copy !req
997. Would you hold my vanity case?Copy !req
998. - Well.
- Well, what?Copy !req
999. So much has happened to me
since I saw you last.Copy !req
1000. - Yeah, sure.
- Frankly, Miss Piggy, I don't give a hoot.Copy !req
1001. My name is Rowlf the Dog and I was
playing the piano... Never mind.Copy !req
1002. - Kermie.
- Yeah?Copy !req
1003. - I missed you.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1004. Don't I get one kissy-kissy?Copy !req
1005. No, I... I don't think so, Miss Piggy.Copy !req
1006. Just one little hug.Copy !req
1007. - Piggy.
- Kermie.Copy !req
1008. You've been listenin'
to music to hug frogs by.Copy !req
1009. And this is Doc Hopper sayin' thatCopy !req
1010. if Kermit the Frog don't
stop right now and call me,Copy !req
1011. and agree to be
my national spokesman,Copy !req
1012. he will soon be a frog burger.Copy !req
1013. Kermie.Copy !req
1014. We'll be okay.Copy !req
1015. - Oh, boy. Yeah, what?
- Fozzie?Copy !req
1016. No problem. It's okay, it's okay.Copy !req
1017. No problem. Okay, all right.Copy !req
1018. - Listen...
- Oh, boy.Copy !req
1019. We're in trouble.Copy !req
1020. I wish I still had my Studebaker.Copy !req
1021. Probably somethin' broken
about the engine, I think.Copy !req
1022. Hey, don't worry.
Someone's bound to come along.Copy !req
1023. Well, I guess we blew it, huh, Gonzo?Copy !req
1024. Yeah.Copy !req
1025. But the sky sure is beautiful out here.Copy !req
1026. Look at that.Copy !req
1027. We...Copy !req
1028. We're gonna miss
the auditions tomorrow, right?Copy !req
1029. Kermit?Copy !req
1030. Boy, you could get lost in a sky like that.Copy !req
1031. I wish I had those balloons again.Copy !req
1032. So much for Hollywood.Copy !req
1033. Listen, gang.
I never promised we'd make it.Copy !req
1034. I never promised anything.Copy !req
1035. This looks familiarCopy !req
1036. Vaguely familiarCopy !req
1037. Almost unreal, yetCopy !req
1038. It's too soon to feel yetCopy !req
1039. Close to my soulCopy !req
1040. And yet so far awayCopy !req
1041. I'm going to go back there somedayCopy !req
1042. Sun rises, night fallsCopy !req
1043. Sometimes the sky callsCopy !req
1044. Is that a song there?Copy !req
1045. And do I belong there?Copy !req
1046. I've never been thereCopy !req
1047. But I know the wayCopy !req
1048. I'm going to go back there somedayCopy !req
1049. Come and go with meCopy !req
1050. It's more fun to shareCopy !req
1051. We'll both be completelyCopy !req
1052. At home in midairCopy !req
1053. We're flyin', not walkingCopy !req
1054. On featherless wingsCopy !req
1055. We can hold on to loveCopy !req
1056. Like invisible stringsCopy !req
1057. There's not a word yetCopy !req
1058. For old friends who've just metCopy !req
1059. Part heaven, part spaceCopy !req
1060. Or have I found my place?Copy !req
1061. You can just visitCopy !req
1062. But I plan to stayCopy !req
1063. I'm going to go back thereCopy !req
1064. SomedayCopy !req
1065. I'm going to go back thereCopy !req
1066. SomedayCopy !req
1067. I didn't promise anybody anything.Copy !req
1068. What do I know
about Hollywood anyway?Copy !req
1069. Just the dreams I got from sitting
through too many double features.Copy !req
1070. So, why did you leave
the swamp in the first place?Copy !req
1071. 'Cause some agent fella
said I had talent.Copy !req
1072. He probably says that to everybody.Copy !req
1073. On the other hand,
if you hadn't left the swamp,Copy !req
1074. you'd be feeling
pretty miserable anyhow.Copy !req
1075. Yeah, but then it would
just be me feeling miserable.Copy !req
1076. Now I got a lady pig and a bear,Copy !req
1077. and a chicken, a dog, a thing,
whatever Gonzo is.Copy !req
1078. He's a little like a turkey.Copy !req
1079. Yeah. A little like a turkey,
but not much.Copy !req
1080. No, I guess not.Copy !req
1081. Anyhow, I brought 'em all out here
into the middle of nowhere.Copy !req
1082. It's all my fault.Copy !req
1083. Still, whether you promised them
something or not,Copy !req
1084. you gotta remember
they wanted to come.Copy !req
1085. But that's because they believed in me.Copy !req
1086. No, they believed in the dream.Copy !req
1087. - Well, so do I, but...
- You do?Copy !req
1088. Yeah. Of course I do.Copy !req
1089. - Well, then?
- Well, then...Copy !req
1090. I guess I was wrong
when I said I never promised anyone.Copy !req
1091. I promised me.Copy !req
1092. Hey. Now, wait a minute.Copy !req
1093. Hey, what... What's happening?Copy !req
1094. At the moment, we're what's happening.Copy !req
1095. Great. Wonderful. Yeah.Copy !req
1096. Zoot, hey, Zoot.Copy !req
1097. Hold it, hold it.Copy !req
1098. Animal, cool it back there.Copy !req
1099. Yeah.Copy !req
1100. All right, yeah.Copy !req
1101. Hey, listen, it's wonderful
to see you guys,Copy !req
1102. but how did you ever find us?Copy !req
1103. Easy.
We just read the screenplay you left us.Copy !req
1104. "Exterior. Desert. Night."
We knew right where you were.Copy !req
1105. Like, can you get behind it?Copy !req
1106. Hey, listen. When do you dudes
have to be at that audition?Copy !req
1107. 2:00 tomorrow afternoon.Copy !req
1108. Well, climb aboard the bus. We'll have
breakfast at Hollywood and Vine.Copy !req
1109. Movin' right alongCopy !req
1110. Yeah.Copy !req
1111. Here we go.Copy !req
1112. Movin' right alongCopy !req
1113. Kermie, whisper sweet nothings
into my ear.Copy !req
1114. Motorcycle cop.Copy !req
1115. Motorcycle cop is a sweet nothing?Copy !req
1116. A motorcycle cop is chasing us.Copy !req
1117. - Hey, Dr. Teeth, you better pull over.
- Hey, easier done than said.Copy !req
1118. Drag city.Copy !req
1119. What do we do now, huh?Copy !req
1120. Oh, dear.Copy !req
1121. Hey, hey. The man with the badge.Copy !req
1122. The police, the cops, the fuzz, the P.I...Copy !req
1123. - Don't you dare!
- I wouldn't think of it.Copy !req
1124. Did we do something wrong, Officer?Copy !req
1125. - Kermit, it's him.
- Okay, gang. Let him explain.Copy !req
1126. This whole disguise
is only so I could warn you.Copy !req
1127. Yeah. Sure, sure.Copy !req
1128. I never thought that Doc
was gonna hurt Kermit.Copy !req
1129. I only thought he was
gonna lean on him a little.Copy !req
1130. But now he's got this frog killer
in from the coast,Copy !req
1131. and the man is deadly.Copy !req
1132. No, Kermit. What are we gonna do?Copy !req
1133. - It's time to beat feet, green stuff.
- Let's get out of here, Kermit.Copy !req
1134. I love it.
Chase music is one of our best riffs.Copy !req
1135. Hold it, Dr. Teeth. What's up ahead?Copy !req
1136. - It's only an old ghost town.
- Fine.Copy !req
1137. Listen, you go back and tell Doc Hopper
I'll be waiting for him there.Copy !req
1138. - What?
- What?Copy !req
1139. - Kermit, you'll get killed.
- Please, no.Copy !req
1140. - Kermit, you can't do that.
- Now, listen, guys.Copy !req
1141. Listen, I can't spend my whole life
running away from a bully.Copy !req
1142. It's time for a showdown.Copy !req
1143. Showdown! Showdown!Copy !req
1144. Hey, listen, I'm gonna check things out.Copy !req
1145. Everybody stay in the bus, okay?Copy !req
1146. Hey, Kermit.
Can I take Animal for a walk?Copy !req
1147. He needs some exercise.Copy !req
1148. Yeah, yeah, sure.Copy !req
1149. What is that?Copy !req
1150. That's one of my latest inventions.
A musical rotating rain barrel.Copy !req
1151. Yeah.Copy !req
1152. You see, I'm Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
and this is my assistant, Beaker.Copy !req
1153. We live here
perfecting useful inventions.Copy !req
1154. Come in, come in.Copy !req
1155. Welcome to our laboratory.Copy !req
1156. Please don't touch anything.Copy !req
1157. - Is this the only street into town?
- Yes, yes.Copy !req
1158. Hey, what are you dudes doin' in here?Copy !req
1159. I'm so glad you asked.
We're perfecting our latest invention.Copy !req
1160. Insta-Grow pills.Copy !req
1161. Yeah, well, what in the name
of Fats Waller is that?Copy !req
1162. A 4-foot prune.Copy !req
1163. A 4-foot prune?Copy !req
1164. Yeah, man, well,
what else do these pills make big?Copy !req
1165. They work on anything,
but the effect is sadly temporary.Copy !req
1166. Sadly temporary.Copy !req
1167. No!Copy !req
1168. Hey, Kermit. Here comes Doc Hopper.Copy !req
1169. I know. I'll be ready for him.Copy !req
1170. Okay, Frog. Where are you?Copy !req
1171. I'm here.
I'll meet you in the middle of the street.Copy !req
1172. Yeah?Copy !req
1173. Man to frog.Copy !req
1174. - All right, Hopper.
- All right, Frog.Copy !req
1175. One last chance.Copy !req
1176. You gonna do my TV commercials
live or stuffed?Copy !req
1177. Hopper, what's the matter with you?Copy !req
1178. You gotta be crazy,
chasin' me halfway across the country.Copy !req
1179. Why are you doing this to me?Copy !req
1180. 'Cause all my life, I wanted
to own a thousand frog leg restaurants,Copy !req
1181. and you're the key, greenie.Copy !req
1182. Yeah, well, I've got a dream, too.Copy !req
1183. But it's about singing and dancing
and making people happy.Copy !req
1184. That's the kind of dream that gets better
the more people you share it with.Copy !req
1185. And, well, I've found a whole bunch of
friends who have the same dream.Copy !req
1186. And...Copy !req
1187. And it kind of makes us like a family.Copy !req
1188. Do you have anybody like that, Hopper?Copy !req
1189. I mean,
once you get all those restaurants,Copy !req
1190. who are you gonna share it with?Copy !req
1191. Who are your friends, Doc?
Those guys?Copy !req
1192. Max.Copy !req
1193. I got lots of friends.Copy !req
1194. Max, for instance.Copy !req
1195. - Max.
- I don't think you're a bad man, Doc.Copy !req
1196. And I think if you look in your heart,Copy !req
1197. you'll find you really wanna let me
and my friends go to follow our dreams.Copy !req
1198. But if that's not the kind of man you are,Copy !req
1199. or what I'm saying
doesn't make any sense to you,Copy !req
1200. well, then, go ahead and kill me.Copy !req
1201. All right, boys.Copy !req
1202. Kill him.Copy !req
1203. No, wait, please.Copy !req
1204. Animal!Copy !req
1205. Everybody, on to Hollywood.Copy !req
1206. Wow! Wicked!Copy !req
1207. Yeah, next stop is Hollywood and Vine.Copy !req
1208. Look at the ocean. The ocean.Copy !req
1209. Yes, Mr. Lord. I'll have
those deal numbers for you in a jiffy.Copy !req
1210. I'm sorry.
Mr. Lord can't be disturbed by anyone.Copy !req
1211. He's packaging a blockbuster.Copy !req
1212. - Kermie, look, it's wonderful.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1213. Like a dream come true.Copy !req
1214. Well, don't count your tadpoles
until they're hatched.Copy !req
1215. - I still have to audition, you know.
- Hey, there ain't nothin' to it, but to do it.Copy !req
1216. And where do you think you're going?Copy !req
1217. Hi, there.
I'm going to audition for Lew Lord.Copy !req
1218. You can't just walk in here
off the street, you know.Copy !req
1219. Especially not with all these animals.Copy !req
1220. Animals? What's wrong with animals?Copy !req
1221. Animal!Copy !req
1222. This is a movie studio, not a zoo!Copy !req
1223. Besides...Copy !req
1224. I'm allergic to animal hair.Copy !req
1225. Now, get along, all of you.Copy !req
1226. No. Wait a second. See here, miss.Copy !req
1227. I may not be one of your
fancy Hollywood frogs,Copy !req
1228. but I deserve a chance.Copy !req
1229. And we're gonna stay right here in this
office until you let us in to see Lew Lord.Copy !req
1230. - Aren't we, gang, huh?
- Yes!Copy !req
1231. - What he says.
- Yeah, come on.Copy !req
1232. We'll just sit right down and wait.Copy !req
1233. Hello, security, it's Miss Tracey.Copy !req
1234. I wanna report a...Copy !req
1235. - Shake. Shake. Shake, everyone.
- That's it.Copy !req
1236. Good, good, good. Do it.Copy !req
1237. - Yeah, go get 'em, Animal.
- Way to go.Copy !req
1238. Allergies are nothing to sneeze at.Copy !req
1239. I'm allergic to cats myself.Copy !req
1240. That's it, Rowlf.Copy !req
1241. We got it.Copy !req
1242. - Wow.
- Yeah, all right.Copy !req
1243. - Okay, way to go, guys.
- All right.Copy !req
1244. Thanks, miss.Copy !req
1245. Well, friends,Copy !req
1246. this is it.Copy !req
1247. Mr. Lord,Copy !req
1248. forgive the interruption,
but I'm here to audition.Copy !req
1249. Yes, yes, yes, yes.Copy !req
1250. We've come over 2,000 miles...Copy !req
1251. Oh, boy.Copy !req
1252. Kermie, we're all with you.Copy !req
1253. Please, sir. My name is Kermit the Frog,
and we read your ad and...Copy !req
1254. Well, we've come
to be rich and famous.Copy !req
1255. Miss Tracey.Copy !req
1256. Prepare the standard
"Rich and Famous" contractCopy !req
1257. for Kermit the Frog and company.Copy !req
1258. Yes. We did it. We did it.Copy !req
1259. I can't believe it.Copy !req
1260. Just look at all this.Copy !req
1261. How did a frog make the big time?Copy !req
1262. It starts when we're kidsCopy !req
1263. A show-off at schoolCopy !req
1264. Makin' faces at friendsCopy !req
1265. You're a clown and a foolCopy !req
1266. Doin' pratfalls and bird calls
and bad imitationsCopy !req
1267. Ignoring your homework
Now that's dedicationCopy !req
1268. You work to the mirrorCopy !req
1269. You're getting standing ovationsCopy !req
1270. You're burning with hopeCopy !req
1271. You're building up steamCopy !req
1272. What was once juvenile-ishCopy !req
1273. Is grown-up and stylishCopy !req
1274. You're close to your dreamCopy !req
1275. And somebody out there loves youCopy !req
1276. Stands up and hollers for moreCopy !req
1277. More!Copy !req
1278. You've found a home
at the magic storeCopy !req
1279. Right, everybody.
Production number, okay?Copy !req
1280. - Off the trucks and on the job.
- On the job!Copy !req
1281. Hey, whoa, halt, cease, stop.Copy !req
1282. Wow, let's do it.Copy !req
1283. - Do what?
- The movie.Copy !req
1284. Yes, sir. A foot stomper.Copy !req
1285. - Makeup.
- Yes, let's do it. Yes.Copy !req
1286. Hey, Fozzie,
take those wagons out of there.Copy !req
1287. Yes, sir. I'm off.Copy !req
1288. Scenery over there, right?Copy !req
1289. Movin' right along. Hey!Copy !req
1290. Hey, those are the trees for the swamp.Copy !req
1291. Mellow and profitable.Copy !req
1292. - Let's make a scene.
- Okay, hon.Copy !req
1293. - Watch the tree, Rowlf.
- Careful, Scooter.Copy !req
1294. Watch it!Copy !req
1295. - Miss Piggy, you look beautiful.
- Thank you.Copy !req
1296. Hollywood talk.Copy !req
1297. Good.Copy !req
1298. The lights. Yeah.Copy !req
1299. Good. Save those arcs.Copy !req
1300. Crazy Harry plays with electricity!Copy !req
1301. Sound is ready. Give me a level.Copy !req
1302. Testing!Copy !req
1303. Rolling.Copy !req
1304. Okay, everybody. Stay in focus, huh?Copy !req
1305. Okay, Muppet Movie,
scene 1A, take one.Copy !req
1306. - Makeup ready.
- Scenery ready.Copy !req
1307. - Sound is rolling.
- Camera's rollin'.Copy !req
1308. All ready, Kermie.Copy !req
1309. Okay, standby. Here we go.Copy !req
1310. Why are there so many
songs about rainbows?Copy !req
1311. That's part of what rainbows doCopy !req
1312. Rainbows are memoriesCopy !req
1313. Sweet dream remindersCopy !req
1314. What is it you'd like to do?Copy !req
1315. All of us watching
and wishing we'd find itCopy !req
1316. I've noticed you're watching, tooCopy !req
1317. Someday you'll find itCopy !req
1318. The rainbow connectionCopy !req
1319. The lovers, the dreamers and...Copy !req
1320. Kermit.Copy !req
1321. Life's like a movie
Write your own endingCopy !req
1322. Keep believing, keep pretendingCopy !req
1323. We've done
just what we've set out to doCopy !req
1324. Thanks to the loversCopy !req
1325. The dreamersCopy !req
1326. And youCopy !req
1327. I just knew I'd catch up with you guys.Copy !req
1328. - What did you think?
- It was sick and weird.Copy !req
1329. Kermit, it went swell. It went great, boss.Copy !req
1330. Congratulations, Mr. The Frog.Copy !req
1331. You can be in the next one, Lew.Copy !req
1332. Great show.Copy !req
1333. Wow.Copy !req
1334. Woman!Copy !req
1335. - Did you like my close-up?
- Yes.Copy !req
1336. Did you like my song?
How about my karate?Copy !req
1337. Kermit. Kermie.Copy !req
1338. Was I funny? Was I funny, anybody?Copy !req
1339. Fozzie, you were very, very funny.Copy !req
1340. Just great.Copy !req
1341. Go home! Go home!Copy !req