1. Subtitles made by Martinibaby
Edits ) by BurntBroccoli.Copy !req
2. Please, welcome onto the stage The Mighty Boosh!Copy !req
3. Haha, she overshot the runway.Copy !req
4. Heeey Brixton, you cheeky bitch!Copy !req
5. Howyerdoin' in the top shelf?Copy !req
6. - Top shelf, aaa top shelf.
- Eeee top shelf.Copy !req
7. Very nicey shelfy.Copy !req
8. Howyerdoin' in the lower shelf?Copy !req
9. What about just you?Copy !req
10. What a dick:)Copy !req
11. - Everyone in?
- Everyone okay?Copy !req
12. Yeah? Yeah, you all in? You all settled in?Copy !req
13. - Are you all right?
- Are you okay, yeah?Copy !req
14. Sure? Do you need anything? I mean I could russle
you up a quiche or...Copy !req
15. - I get on that.
- They're good, his quiches are good, he puts LEGO in'em!Copy !req
16. Okay everyone's in, let's do it.Copy !req
17. Ooh you guys! Where have you been? We've all been
waiting for'ya!Copy !req
18. - Okay..
- She hid under her fringe, get away from me.Copy !req
19. - Are you ready?
- Yeah, I´m ready.Copy !req
20. - Okay, let's do it.
- Check me out.Copy !req
21. Howard Moon! Jazz maverick...Copy !req
22. .. novelist..Copy !req
23. .. cyclist..Copy !req
24. .. rider of the penny-farthing..Copy !req
25. .. stamp collector!Copy !req
26. Sixty-one..Copy !req
27. ..fifty..seven?:)Copy !req
28. Special features: The tiny eyes of a shrew!
Howard Moon!Copy !req
29. Yeah, check him out.Copy !req
30. What are you doing?Copy !req
31. Eating the applause.Copy !req
32. - Who does that?
- Me. Nice'n crunchy.Copy !req
33. - Was it? Was it crunchy?
- Yeah... Get in the light.Copy !req
34. )Copy !req
35. Vince Noir!Copy !req
36. Electro poof!Copy !req
37. What are you doing?
Never eat another man's applause.Copy !req
38. - Oh.. that was very rich.
- Yeah.Copy !req
39. - Like a fruit cake. I feel all bilious.
- Too rich for you.Copy !req
40. Look at the Spirit of jazz shuffling through there.Copy !req
41. Hey baby, you're goin' to the bathroom yeah?Copy !req
42. Look how slow he walks out.Copy !req
43. Doesn't give a fuck.Copy !req
44. I'm outta here - in my own good time.Copy !req
45. I ain't movin' fast for no shit.Copy !req
46. You might be filming a DVD, I'm takin' my time.Copy !req
47. You're on it now, mate.Copy !req
48. No he's not. I'm cutting that bit out.Copy !req
49. Slow walking fool.Copy !req
50. We've got a crazy show coming up for you tonight!Copy !req
51. - We've got stuff for you..
- Craaazy show!Copy !req
52. - Don't touch me.
- What?Copy !req
53. - Don't touch me!
- He's such a joker!Copy !req
54. - Yeah.. I'm not joking. -What?
- Never touch me, okay?Copy !req
55. Not when we're on stage, not when we're off stage,
back stage, not when we're out buying hammocks..Copy !req
56. - Never touch me sir.
- We DO do that a lot.Copy !req
57. - Never touch me!
- Okay.Copy !req
58. Hey, look seriously - I'm gonna get the fan mail.
We've got a bit of fan mail, we should check it out.Copy !req
59. - So you'll keep things ticking over here..
- Yeah, you know, I'll work the room.Copy !req
60. - Alright yeah, you'll work it up.
- Yeeah.Copy !req
61. Barratt's gonna work the room, I'm gonna go off like this.Copy !req
62. Heey where are you from?Copy !req
63. So.. yeah. Alright! Coming at you
like a beam, like a ray, like a laser,Copy !req
64. like a beam of light in the night, I'm like lightning.
Coming at you like a kestrel, ow!Copy !req
65. Howyerdoin' everyone?
Hello there small child... Hello.Copy !req
66. You might wanna cover his ears for
some of the show..?Copy !req
67. Not doing anything rude, it's just
his ears are a bit weird...Copy !req
68. If you could just cover them, putting them off slightly.Copy !req
69. - Heey where are you from?
- Just round there, between those two bits of fabric.Copy !req
70. Are you insulting the nippers again?Copy !req
71. Hey look at this, look! Fan mail! Check this out.
This one's for me and er, this one's for you.Copy !req
72. Aaaa I'm jokin'. This one's for me as well.Copy !req
73. Let's have a little look, see what the fans are saying.Copy !req
74. Dear Vince, I think you are soo amazing and brilliant!
And your hair is so big and tall and nice and I really like you!Copy !req
75. The only thing is, is why do you have to
have your dad in the show?Copy !req
76. There's another one here. Let's have
a look at this one.Copy !req
77. It's just screaming, that one. Quite abstract...Copy !req
78. Yeah, well you know.. I get fan mail, alright?
Yeah! It's not the quantity of the fan mail, it's the quality of the fan!Copy !req
79. - That's what I say.
- It is what he says. It is!Copy !req
80. This came to me - this piece of fan mail - came to me
this, only this very morn' and ...Copy !req
81. I'm bringing morn' back as a figure of speech.Copy !req
82. - This came to me this fair morn'.
- Oooh this fair morn'.Copy !req
83. - This fair morn' has arrived.
- Good luck with that.Copy !req
84. Check it out.Copy !req
85. Dear Howard, if you ever come to me again,
I will call the police...Copy !req
86. Haha, that's the wrong one - I've got the wrong..
I've got them mixed-up...Copy !req
87. I got it in wrong pockets...
I mixed it up.Copy !req
88. This is the one I meant to read out.
This is from none other than Tom Paulin.Copy !req
89. - Ladys and gentlemen. -Who?
- Tom Paulin.Copy !req
90. - Yes, she knows.
- There he is.Copy !req
91. This is, you know, he's intellectual - man of letters
all around...Copy !req
92. - Man made of letters?
- Yeah, this is from him.Copy !req
93. - Really? That Irish guy on the late?
- Yeah check it out.Copy !req
94. Dear Howard Moon, I just wanted to
drop you a line, since I thought yourCopy !req
95. performance in The Mighty Boosh was
mesmerizing. Mere sincerely Tom Paulin.Copy !req
96. Tom Paulin!Copy !req
97. - Yeah, that came to me. To ME!
- Yeah, that's good. What's this little bit here he's put?Copy !req
98. - Don't read that bit!
- What is it? -Don't read it!Copy !req
99. Yes and could I possibly have a signed
photograph of your cock and balls?Copy !req
100. Ooh Tom's a bit weird, isn't he?Copy !req
101. Creepy Tom...Copy !req
102. - Creepy Tom.
- Creepy creepy Tom Tom.Copy !req
103. Anyway how have you been since the telly show?
You've been alright?Copy !req
104. - I've been real good sir, real good.
- Yeah?Copy !req
105. - Telly show? Are you ten?
- Mentally, yeah.Copy !req
106. I've been good yeah, very busy - working on my theatre
skills - training myself up for the, you know, this run.Copy !req
107. Working on the ancient art of mime.
You know, so... check me out.Copy !req
108. Ow! Comin'at'ya'... yeah? I'm in a chimney.Copy !req
109. See that? What about this? Look!
I'm next to a log... Chaffinch.Copy !req
110. - Do chaffinch again!
- I only do that once.Copy !req
111. Yeah, I've been busy - you know - working myself up
on the theatre department, you know what I mean?Copy !req
112. - Building up my theatre muscles...
- So you've been busy? That's what you're sayin'?Copy !req
113. Weird that you should say that, 'cos I was walking
through Camden the other day andCopy !req
114. I saw you in a skip, weeping...Copy !req
115. - That was an art piece, that I was...
- Was it? - Yeah...Copy !req
116. Yeah but you had like a shirt and tie on, but
no pants or trousers on.Copy !req
117. Yeah? Too much for you, was it?Copy !req
118. - That's what I do, you know, I'm a maverick.
- It was too much.Copy !req
119. It was quite early in the morning. I was trying to
eat a baguette.Copy !req
120. - That's what I do.
- It was a shock.Copy !req
121. I take my work into the streets, you know? I don't just
do stuff in theatres, this is like oldschool for me, you know?Copy !req
122. I'll go into the streets in my world - you can't put me in a box.
If you put me in a box I'll break out of the box, you know?Copy !req
123. If you put a boundary around me, I'll eat the boundary
and wash it down with a cup of hot steaming rules.Copy !req
124. Ow! comin'at'ya' like a beam, like a ray, like a buzzard!Copy !req
125. Swooping about, know what I mean? Peckin'
at the boundaries. That's the way I work!Copy !req
126. That sounds electric.Copy !req
127. - Yeah? What have you been up to then?
- Well, pretty much, right after the telly showCopy !req
128. I've invented this game - Brixton check
this out, alright?Copy !req
129. I've invented a game called:
Pelt The Rabbit In His Big White Face!Copy !req
130. Genius! I know, the title alone is pretty cool,
but wait - til you hear what happens - you're in here, right,Copy !req
131. or wherever, by the windmill doesn't matter and this massive
rabbit comes in, he's got really massive face, he's a freak,Copy !req
132. he's like that - and he's quite tall he's like six foot -
and he comes running towards youCopy !req
133. and you've gotta like leg it and get away from him
or like pelt him with coinsCopy !req
134. or sunflower seeds or take your Chelsey
boot off and just take him out.Copy !req
135. Cos if he catches you he just throws you
on the floor and rapes you.Copy !req
136. That's not a game, is it? Really that...Copy !req
137. That's just a sequence of events.
A sequence of horrific events.Copy !req
138. Culminating in a rape.Copy !req
139. - Where's the game elements?
- Yeah, but it's not an ordinary rape! It's a rabbit rape!Copy !req
140. It's a terrific bunny-bumming!Copy !req
141. - From MB Games? What? There's no strategy!
- Of course there's a strategy!Copy !req
142. Why? What is it?Copy !req
143. Well, you know, the thing with it is you never know
when he's gonna come, do you? When he's gonna arrive, easy!Copy !req
144. He might come in an hour, he might come in two hours,
he might come in month, he might come in a year,Copy !req
145. he might come in fourteen minutes!
What if he's ill? He's got a brother looks exactly like him!Copy !req
146. He's the worse of the two if anything - he's more
powerful and vigorous.Copy !req
147. You'll never get away from him. If it's his brother,
you might as well just sit down..Copy !req
148. .. put up the white flag.Copy !req
149. This isn't the show by the way:) This is just, you know
little bit of idle banter up top.Copy !req
150. - The show's all back here, waiting to come out.
- Oh yeah I can feel it..Copy !req
151. There's a tiny bit of the show. I can feel it! Look
at the show - it's lively tonight!Copy !req
152. Let's have a little glimpse of the show!Copy !req
153. - Did I dream that?
- Let's see if it was real.Copy !req
154. - Yeah, we've got some stuff lined up for you.
- It's different every night that bit.Copy !req
155. Yes I thought what we should do really before
unleashing that is warm up a little bit.Copy !req
156. So you know, get ourselves into the theatre mode.Copy !req
157. - I've written a small piece of theatre..
- Yeah?Copy !req
158. - .. which we could do right here, right now so..
- A small piece?Copy !req
159. - A pouch.
- A pouch.Copy !req
160. - A pouch of theatre?
- Yeah, powerful pouch.Copy !req
161. - And they do call you the theater wallaby?
- Yes, they do.Copy !req
162. That's how I type.Copy !req
163. This is something I've created and I'd like to do
it now - we're all gonna get warmed upCopy !req
164. - ..you know if we didn't warm up..
- No way!Copy !req
165. You know, you could strain a theatre muscle
or something so.. you know...Copy !req
166. You might fracture your eyes, sir.
We don't want that.Copy !req
167. - So.. -What shall I do then?
- Well you can be in it.Copy !req
168. - No way! -Yeah!
- Really?Copy !req
169. - Can you act?
- Can I act?Copy !req
170. Not really, no...
That was me acting then, aaa.Copy !req
171. The Twisterroonie..Copy !req
172. - No, still no!
- Come on!Copy !req
173. - No, not even through your nice new Kiss jacket.
Never touch me.Copy !req
174. - What shall I do then?
- Get ready I'll introduce it.Copy !req
175. Yeah? Alright, cool, I'm going off like this -
ooh monkey hands...Copy !req
176. .. and frozen legs.Copy !req
177. Monkey hands and frozen legs - the
ultimate combination.Copy !req
178. Okay. Right, well this is little piece now, that
I've written myself with a pen.Copy !req
179. And... it's set in Russia, turn of the century...
I know what are you thinking.Copy !req
180. Don't think that, because.. this is dark
penetrating theatre.Copy !req
181. Please enjoy a piece I've written, called
"Pies".Copy !req
182. This is fucking ridiculous!Copy !req
183. You're out of your mind!Copy !req
184. Would you like a pie?Copy !req
185. No...Copy !req
186. But it is a good pie.Copy !req
187. Nevertheless. Last time you gave me pie...Copy !req
188. ..I cut into it with my tiny pie cutter...Copy !req
189. .. and millions of birds flew out - hitting me in the
eyes and the temples!Copy !req
190. I was confused - it was a trick pie!Copy !req
191. Why you no like my pie?Copy !req
192. I just told you.Copy !req
193. Eeee you don't like my pie-eee...Copy !req
194. Oooh tricky pie...Copy !req
195. Aiiiiii bring pie to show you I love you!Copy !req
196. Why can't you just tell me you love me?Copy !req
197. Pastry goods every fucking day with you!Copy !req
198. - You don't like pie?
- Ooohhhhh pie...Copy !req
199. - Whyyoudon't liiiike..
- Idon'twantpie..Copy !req
200. Arghghghghghg I don't want pie..Copy !req
201. - Wantpie wantpie..
- Urghghghgh..!Copy !req
202. Thanks a lot!Copy !req
203. - Penetrating theatre... Thank you!
- I like this hat. It's quite cool.Copy !req
204. - It's good.
- In the kind of Pete Doherty way.Copy !req
205. Ooh I can't find my band!Copy !req
206. Mate, your're the frontman - they're behind'ya.Copy !req
207. Oh yeah, cheers!Copy !req
208. - What's that?
- He plays Give us a clue.Copy !req
209. - Oh yeah, he's quite good at that isn't he.
- He's really good at it, actually.Copy !req
210. Yeah, he's a dab hand.Copy !req
211. So.. right, well it's time to move on now,
to phase two point nine of the evening.Copy !req
212. Which is my favourite. It's the part where we introduce you to
the guests - to people you're gonna be meeting in the show.Copy !req
213. - We've got some great people.
- Oh who have we got? We've got Daley Thompson.Copy !req
214. He's gonna come down, he's gonna saw
a calculator in half..Copy !req
215. ..to see where the numbers live!Copy !req
216. Oh yeah.. And he's gonna shave his moustache off..
..to reveal a tattoo of a moustache.Copy !req
217. - So he's quite.. -Daley.
- Daley.Copy !req
218. So before that - we didn't wanna peak too soon -
we're gonna have a guest now a great guy..Copy !req
219. a man who.. a great friend of mine, a great friend
of yours, erm, not a friend of yours..Copy !req
220. .. sadly - he hates you. But..Copy !req
221. Dunno why you chose to sit so close to the
front really, cos.. you know what I mean?Copy !req
222. It's a bit weird considering everything that
has happend between you and the hatred..Copy !req
223. .. that has being brewing.Copy !req
224. But that aside, please welcome to the stage
- Naboo the enigma!Copy !req
225. Look at him, he's like a puma in a turban.Copy !req
226. Look at that - what's going on that mind? Nobody knows?Copy !req
227. He could be wrestling with the dilemmas of time itself,
solving the riddles of the universe..Copy !req
228. Deep stuff. Let's have a listen.Copy !req
229. I might have a pot noodle later. Chicken
and mushroom.Copy !req
230. Naboo the enigma!Copy !req
231. Powerful stuff.Copy !req
232. What are YOU doing here?Copy !req
233. I warned you, gonna have to turn my
back on you!Copy !req
234. Let that be a lesson to you!Copy !req
235. Naboo the enigma!Copy !req
236. Are you ready for your next guest?Copy !req
237. Go mad, scream, make him feel welcome: Bollo!Copy !req
238. Hey Vincey, good to see you.
Good to see you!Copy !req
239. Heey long time no see!Copy !req
240. Hellooo!Copy !req
241. Top shelf!Copy !req
242. I like the bottom shelf too, don't worry.Copy !req
243. Look at your hair, looks wicked! What you got
in there? A bit of Rootbooster?Copy !req
244. Yeah, I made a bit of an effort tonight,
you know?Copy !req
245. Bit of gel, bit of mousse, product, huh?Copy !req
246. Nice, that's looking good.Copy !req
247. Looks lovely, it's quite modish - the way that it's...Copy !req
248. Jesus.. So how have you been anyway Bollo?
You've been good?Copy !req
249. - You've been busy?
- Yeah, I've been good, I've been busy since the TV show.Copy !req
250. Yeah, very busy - I had audititon
for Peter Jackson.Copy !req
251. - No way! Peter Jackson?
- Yeah!Copy !req
252. Yeah? What's he doin' these days?Copy !req
253. He's thinking of remaking King Kong.Copy !req
254. - He's thinking of remaking it, is he?
- Yeah.Copy !req
255. Yeah, when did you do the audition?Copy !req
256. Well it is quite a while ago, you know, but
these things they take time.Copy !req
257. Yeah.. You get out of the house much
these days Bollo? Or you...Copy !req
258. No, not really - I kind of sit at home, learning my
lines, waiting for Peter to call me, you know?Copy !req
259. - Right, you know that it's already...
- Yeah, don't tell him, don't tell him!Copy !req
260. - What? Huh?
- Heey where are you from?Copy !req
261. - I think he liked me.
- Yeah. I bet he loved you!Copy !req
262. I just think he hasn't make his mind up yet,
you know?Copy !req
263. - That'd be it, yeah.
- That he's taking his time.Copy !req
264. - But I think he's keeping an eye on me.
- Oh yeah.Copy !req
265. And I'm not overly sure, but I think Peter
might be in tonight.Copy !req
266. - Really?
- Sitting up to back, yeah.Copy !req
267. I'm pretty sure I saw him in the bar
earlier eating a flapjack.Copy !req
268. He does like flapjacks.Copy !req
269. Do you mind if I... do a bit of funny business
for Peter?Copy !req
270. Funny business?Copy !req
271. Well, you know, the audition it was quite serious,
I'd like to show Peter Bollo's funny side.Copy !req
272. Maybe do a bit of stand-up?Copy !req
273. - Yeah. -Okay.
- Is that okay?Copy !req
274. - Yeah.
- I'll get a mic.Copy !req
275. - Okay I'll go over there, you can introduce me.
- Yeah, I'll bring you on, make it all professional, yeah?Copy !req
276. Okay, cool.
It's quite exciting.Copy !req
277. Does Naboo know you are here?Copy !req
278. He's been dealt with.Copy !req
279. Look at all these seats, he had to sit
right there at the front.Copy !req
280. What a dick.Copy !req
281. Okay.. So, Bollo have you ever done
stand-up before?Copy !req
282. No.Copy !req
283. Are you feeling confident?Copy !req
284. No.Copy !req
285. Okay, ladies and gentlemen you're in for a treat tonight, mate
he's got some tight one liners, he's a little bit saucy in places,Copy !req
286. don't let that put you off. Here he is
- Bollo the stand-up!Copy !req
287. I was.. I was in the supermarket the other day
and I had a shopping trolley...Copy !req
288. And I was pushing it along and it had
a wonky wheel.Copy !req
289. And I pushed it along a bit.. and it went
a bit to the left..Copy !req
290. .. and so I pushed it a bit further and it
went a bit further to the left.Copy !req
291. And I pushed it a little bit further still and it
went even further to the left.Copy !req
292. And in the end I kind of ended up back
where I was in the first place.Copy !req
293. Eh.. um... here's another one.Copy !req
294. Very funny thing happened to me on the way
here tonight. Yes, it did!Copy !req
295. There was a man, come up to me and he said: Bollo!
He said...Copy !req
296. Oh hang on, was it a man?Copy !req
297. Sorry I mucked it up. I think it might
have been a lady..Copy !req
298. Let me start again - basically just passed
and come up to me and they said: Bollo!Copy !req
299. - What's this? Naboo! Naboolio!
- Next time you go to Brixton make sure that...Copy !req
300. - Are you okay?
- What happend?Copy !req
301. - What?
- What happend?Copy !req
302. Oh it went brilliantly - you did three hours!Copy !req
303. They carried you around, you did encores...Copy !req
304. - Oh really?
- You were amazing!Copy !req
305. - Oh good, was Peter laughing?
- Oh he spat flapjack all on his legs!Copy !req
306. Okay, well there you go that's it - you met Naboo,
you met Bollo you met everyone who's gonna be in the show.Copy !req
307. It's time to do the show. You met everyone
who's gonna be in it so..Copy !req
308. Wait just one minute! What about me! Bob Fossil!
Yes! King of the Zooniverse!Copy !req
309. My brother! I'm king of the Zooniverse!
And now I'm king of Brixton!Copy !req
310. I know you! I know you! You sexually
confuse me!Copy !req
311. I fought with you in 'Nam!Copy !req
312. Steppy steppy step step!Copy !req
313. Hey! Oh, I don't need this.Copy !req
314. Brixton! I own you!Copy !req
315. Oh, I just popped a lung.Copy !req
316. Just shaking out a piss stain.Copy !req
317. Good to have you on board there Bob, I didn't
expect to see you but..Copy !req
318. - Great to be here!
- Good to see you.Copy !req
319. So, you been good? What have you
been up to? Fill us in.Copy !req
320. Well as you probably read in all the tabloids -
I'm eighteen months pregnant.Copy !req
321. - I've got a bun in the oven.
- Nice work. Nice work. Who's the dad?Copy !req
322. It's Tom over there and your marriage is a sham!Copy !req
323. Anything else you've been up to?Copy !req
324. Oh yeah, I started this Underwater
Language Academy.Copy !req
325. Yeah, check this out!
Hi, I'm Bob Fossil, how are you?Copy !req
326. What's going on with you?Copy !req
327. Thank you, thank you. Please.
Wooow!Copy !req
328. Anything else you've been doing,
that's in the script?Copy !req
329. Oh yeah, oh yeah - that black and white thing
I got in the mail.Copy !req
330. Yeah. With the words on it.Copy !req
331. The.. the devil scratchings.. Yeah I was in this
detective show in the US, called Big Leg.Copy !req
332. - Big Leg?
- Yeah.Copy !req
333. You know how detectives have disabilities,
you know, like Ironside - he sits in a rolly chair.Copy !req
334. And that Murder-she-wrote-lady is a nymphomaniac.
Where's the murderer?Copy !req
335. Let me at 'em!Copy !req
336. My finger's on fire!Copy !req
337. And Colombo likes to shit his raincoat
and give it to his wife.Copy !req
338. Aaa one more question.. ooh here honey. Give that
to the dry-cleaner's, I've got a glass eye.Copy !req
339. - Is that why he shits himself?
- Yeah, he don't know where that shit's goin'.Copy !req
340. It's like s sprinkler.Copy !req
341. Here honey.Copy !req
342. - Right..
- Right?Copy !req
343. Ooh Brixton!Copy !req
344. - So you've played Big Leg, yeah?
- Yeah what's his all angle on the detective genre?Copy !req
345. - I'm glad you ask.
- I bet you are.Copy !req
346. Big Leg has a big fucking leg, right?
He sits in the cop station, right?Copy !req
347. You know, he's like smoking a big cigar, he's
dabbling his balls with a moist towelette.Copy !req
348. You know, while his leg goes out for miles around,
kicking ass and fighting crime!Copy !req
349. Here you go burglar. Here you go embezzler!
Come on into the station, cuff'em - I hate Whites!Copy !req
350. That was my catchphrase.Copy !req
351. - Hate you Whites!
- We all do.Copy !req
352. Okay well that.. that sounds good,
we look for to seeing that.Copy !req
353. - Yeah.
- We're gonna do the show now, so now if you wanna..Copy !req
354. I can't wait, I love to act - check me out.
I'm an actor - I know what to say.Copy !req
355. Okay well, we'll try to find a place
for that sort of stuff...Copy !req
356. Okay, are you ready? We're gonna do it, so
you're gonna get backstage and we're gonna finish..Copy !req
357. Oh, one more thing, I'd love to just warm up
in front of the audience if that's okay?Copy !req
358. Is that alright with you lot?Copy !req
359. Bob Fossil! Is he a genius or is he..
.. or is he a retard?Copy !req
360. Um... I'm a renius.Copy !req
361. Are you ready to rock Brixton?Copy !req
362. Then hit it!Copy !req
363. Oh Brixton, give it to me Brixton, give it up,
give it up, give it up.Copy !req
364. Brixton, give it up Brixton!Copy !req
365. Oh yeah!Copy !req
366. Check this out!
Ooh yeah!Copy !req
367. I'm lactating!Copy !req
368. Hey look - I'm sewing!Copy !req
369. I'm reading a comic.
I'm a robot!Copy !req
370. Ow! And that's why I don't like cricket!Copy !req
371. Bob Fossil - there he is.Copy !req
372. The light blue bitch.Copy !req
373. Okay, well that's it - you've met everyone
who's gonna be in the show. It's time to do the show now.Copy !req
374. - And.. yeah? -Yeah, cool, let's go.
- Let's do it!Copy !req
375. - That's nice, what's that? You changed your little top have you?
- Yeah, do you like this? It's nice - simple design, yeah?Copy !req
376. Yeah, exactly!Copy !req
377. You know what? Hey hot stuff!Copy !req
378. Are you from a fifties cartoon?Copy !req
379. Feel that, look. Feel it! Pull it, give it a pull.Copy !req
380. - That is a durable fabric.
- That springs right back into place.Copy !req
381. - It does, doesn't it? I bet that..
- But...Copy !req
382. I bet that was expen...Copy !req
383. Weirdly enough, lets you breathe!Copy !req
384. - I bet that's an expensive item, isn't it?
- Not at all. Reasonably priced.Copy !req
385. - In the foyer. You're liking that?
- Yeah. I've got my own...Copy !req
386. - It's part of the Vince Noir merchandise range, yeah.
- Well I've got a range of merchandise comin' out.Copy !req
387. Don't you worry about that - Howard Moon range.
I've got a hot range of bassoon cases coming out.Copy !req
388. Yeah! For the... for bassoon players in the
crowd tonight..? Yeah!Copy !req
389. Get fucked!Copy !req
390. There'd be two if you're lucky.Copy !req
391. Yeah, we had to cancel that order, that wasn't really
working out... I spoke to the merchandise peopleCopy !req
392. - What are you talking about?
- We had to cancel that.Copy !req
393. - That was a sure-fire thing!
- What?Copy !req
394. What about the.. what about the trumpet sock?Copy !req
395. - We didn't even know, what the trumpet sock was.
- I told you what the trumpet sock was.Copy !req
396. I told you time and time again. You know,
a sock - knitted sock - for the trumpet!Copy !req
397. You're going out on a picnic, you don't
wanna take the full trumpet case,Copy !req
398. so you take your little sort of
crochet trumpet sock.Copy !req
399. What, in case the trumpet's feet get cold?Copy !req
400. No no it's just, you know, it's a light-weight
sort of trumpet sock, you know?Copy !req
401. It comes in a range of colours - you've got brown, you've got
your beige, you've got your muffin, you've got your nutmeg.Copy !req
402. Do you know what I mean?Copy !req
403. - Nutmeg crochet trumpet sock?
- That's right!Copy !req
404. - We had to cancel that.
- Aaa foolish.Copy !req
405. But don't worry, we had some ideas, yeah, we came up with some
merchandise for you, that you can wear on stage as well, yeah?Copy !req
406. - Yeah?
- Check this out - look at this! Howard Moon... yeah.Copy !req
407. See? Look at this? The Howard Moon pink
funky pants! How cool are they?Copy !req
408. Why don't you wear those? We wanna
see Howard in these, don't we?Copy !req
409. - Get your northern pins out, come on!
- This isn't an issue about my legs, I have got good legs.Copy !req
410. But that's not the issue, you know - I'm an a..
I'm an aaa shut it! You tart!Copy !req
411. - I'm an artist, you know - I've got poise and dignity.
- Yeah?Copy !req
412. - I'm not doing that on stage.
- Cool, okay.Copy !req
413. I understand where you're coming from,
I've got poise and dignity too.Copy !req
414. - Should we get on with the show?
- Let's do it, okay.Copy !req
415. Okay, are you ready for the show?Copy !req
416. Top shelf are you ready?Copy !req
417. Lower shelf?Copy !req
418. It's a little piece that we've written for you,
I hope you enjoy it. It's simply called: The Ruby of Kukundu.Copy !req
419. The Arctic tundra..Copy !req
420. .. using some sheets.Copy !req
421. Ten thousand years ago.Copy !req
422. Ten thousand years later!Copy !req
423. I'll come on again.Copy !req
424. Yes...Copy !req
425. Thanks mum..Copy !req
426. Ow! chica chicaaa!Copy !req
427. You know I've got the moves!Copy !req
428. They call me doctor mime!Copy !req
429. Hello, Naboo's nick-nacks.Copy !req
430. Hi, Naboo's not here at the moment, but I am so any queries
you have - just fire them straight at me - Howard Moon.Copy !req
431. Yeah, we don't have any of those, I'm afraid, no...Copy !req
432. What we do have though is very interesting and
rare jazz LPs which I brought to the store...Copy !req
433. Hello..?Copy !req
434. Huh, must have gone in a tunnel..Copy !req
435. What the fuck was that?Copy !req
436. - Sweep it.
- Sweep what?Copy !req
437. Sweep up the mime shards.Copy !req
438. Where are they?Copy !req
439. - All around.
- All around?Copy !req
440. Watch your eyes.Copy !req
441. Or you'll have to go to the mime hospital..
.. see the mime doctor.Copy !req
442. - Hey how are you? Are you alright?
- Good yeah, I'm really good.Copy !req
443. - Yeah? Have you sold anything yet?
- Not as yet, but it's early days, early days, early days.Copy !req
444. - Yep?
- Yep.Copy !req
445. - You've been tryin' to flog your moody jazz records?
- Yeah.Copy !req
446. - As if anyone's buying this record
- look how big his face is!Copy !req
447. Why should that be a problem? That's
Larry 'Big face' Eddison.Copy !req
448. One of the biggest faces in bebop.Copy !req
449. - One of the biggest faces?
- Yeah, I mean, there's...Copy !req
450. - You mean there's a bigger face?
- Yeah, there's Toots Enormous-Face Tellemans.Copy !req
451. - He's like a frying pan!
- Yeah..Copy !req
452. Rest of the band just hold him up.Copy !req
453. Well don't you worry about it, yeah? Cos I've got
these things! These are gonna fly off the shelves, yeah?Copy !req
454. Naboo is gonna love us! Check these
bitches out, yeah?Copy !req
455. - What are they?
- Wigs of my own hair, how cool are they?Copy !req
456. Come on, no - look at them - not only are they stylish, yeah? In that
kind of Mick Jagger, Joan Jett, Stig of the dump way, yeah?Copy !req
457. But when you put one on - they transform
you into a popstar like me!Copy !req
458. Yeah, but you're not a popstar, right?
You work in a shop with me.Copy !req
459. Yeah, but I'm gonna be, check me out!Copy !req
460. - Driving along on a perspex sea,
heart beats fast like a tiny machine ~Copy !req
461. - I am electro boy..
..I am electro girl. ~Copy !req
462. You little tart.Copy !req
463. Yeah, well you know I've got dreams too - I'm not goin' to
be a shop keeper my entire life, check me out!Copy !req
464. Yeah... Believe it!Copy !req
465. Shut it and listen.Copy !req
466. Yes indeed. Anyway, enough of this shenanigans.
Why are you late for work this morn'?Copy !req
467. Was I late for work? This mooorn'?Copy !req
468. - This fair morn'.
- This fair morn'.Copy !req
469. Well I tell you why, basically, what happened, right, I was in bed
last night, it was really weird and I was all tucked up in my duvet,Copy !req
470. it was really nice, so I was just nodding off, yeah, when this
kingfisher came in - he was massive, his body wasCopy !req
471. about that wide yeah? But he had men's legs, sort of.. he was
walking like that. And he had a kingf- and a really long beak and he justCopy !req
472. knelt on me, right, and just pecked me like that - really tiny pecks
right in bridge of the nose, oh it was.. all night, I couldn't sleep.Copy !req
473. Okay, fair enough.Copy !req
474. I know why you were late for work this morning, I know why.
Cos when I got up you were looking in the mirror, yeah?Copy !req
475. And when I left the house you were still looking in the mirror.
And you had a mirrorball suit on, yeah?Copy !req
476. And you were trapped in your own reflection,
you know? You're like a budgie.Copy !req
477. I'm not like a budgie!Copy !req
478. I mean why can't you just take a leaf out of
my wardrobe, huh?Copy !req
479. - See what I do, when I get up?
- What's going on there?Copy !req
480. This is what I do - I get up of a morn',
slip into some nice slinky trews,Copy !req
481. pop on a nice muted shirt, strap on a couple
of radio mics and I'm away.Copy !req
482. Why does it take you so long to get ready of
a god damn cotton-picking morn'?Copy !req
483. Well this morning - the reason it took so
long is cos I was waiting for this,Copy !req
484. and it came this morning, I've been waiting for it
for six weeks, yeah?Copy !req
485. - What is it?
- Check it out. It's a new hair drier!Copy !req
486. It's a new Jean-Claude Jacquettie hair drier.Copy !req
487. Do you know Jean-Claude Jacquettie,
the French designer?Copy !req
488. Yeah, a few people know him, he's genius! Have
you seen the advert? It's amazing!Copy !req
489. You must have! It goes like this:Copy !req
490. - Jean-Claude Jacquettie with his jacket on,
Jean-Claude Jacquettie with his jacket off. ~Copy !req
491. - Jean-Claude Jacquettie puts his jacket on,
Jean-Claude Jacquettie takes his jacket off ~Copy !req
492. - Jacket on, jacket off, jacket on, jacket off.
Ooooh stylish, oooh Wokkaman! ~Copy !req
493. - Runnin' round Paris with a tiny haversack,
looking to the future with a telescope, ~Copy !req
494. - Drawing on the past with an eagle claw,
eagle claw - why? ~Copy !req
495. - Eagle claw, eagle claw, bo-bo-boingboing ~Copy !req
496. - Take the fashion coin, slot it in the
pocket of your bum bag, take it to Milan, ~Copy !req
497. - take it to Japan, take it to the man
with a fashion plan - Jacquettie! ~Copy !req
498. Never heard of him.Copy !req
499. Well you will have soon, cos not only does it fold away, but it's
the most powerful hair drier in Europe, check it out!Copy !req
500. Come on that's worth the ticket price alone!Copy !req
501. Oooh... Jacquettie.Copy !req
502. That is a powerful hair drier.
Watch out!Copy !req
503. - Oooh..
- Eeeey..Copy !req
504. That's the third time this week I've nearly
killed that innocent girl.Copy !req
505. Well, ironically she's the killer.Copy !req
506. - What, Bunches?
- Yees Bunches McGinty.Copy !req
507. - Bunches McGinty?
- Reknowned killer.Copy !req
508. - How does she kill people?
- With the Chuppachup lollies.Copy !req
509. - Straight in the eye.
- Oooh, really? Oooh...Copy !req
510. I thought he was the killer, he had a target
on his chest and everything!Copy !req
511. He was just a mod.Copy !req
512. Ooh, I've killed one of my own,
there's no way I can go on..Copy !req
513. Don't do it Vince. Don't blow dry
your own brains out.Copy !req
514. Gonna have to put a call in to Wella
and smooth it over.Copy !req
515. Anyway, look, answer me' this question, yeah?Copy !req
516. Why do I have to open up shop every day?
Why do I have to do that? Why me?Copy !req
517. Cos you're the only one who's trained-in mime.Copy !req
518. That is true actually.Copy !req
519. - Cuppa tea?
- Yeah, alright.Copy !req
520. - Sugar?
- I'll have two.Copy !req
521. Nice.Copy !req
522. Careful, that's piping hot.Copy !req
523. Oooh, sweep up the shards,
sweep up the shards.Copy !req
524. - Watch your eyes.
- Actually forget it.Copy !req
525. - What?
- There's a customer, there's a cu..Copy !req
526. Assume the position.
The other one!Copy !req
527. I am doctor Henry Jay Sexually
Frustrated Puppet-Fucker.Copy !req
528. Yes, that's my name.
I believe it's German.Copy !req
529. World reknowned archeologist. I love archeology,
it makes me feel like a topless puppy.Copy !req
530. - Good day, sirs.
- Hello.Copy !req
531. I'm looking for Naboo.Copy !req
532. - Yeah, can you get out of my light?
- Very well sir.Copy !req
533. You are the light.Copy !req
534. Naboo isn't here at the moment,
he's out buying rugs in Quebec..Copy !req
535. But I'm here so I am fully qualified to look at this
sort of archeological stuff so I could have a...Copy !req
536. - .. look at it..
- No no no no!Copy !req
537. Do not open the box! Only Naboo shall open
the box. No one knows what's inside.Copy !req
538. It could be priceless jewels or
unimaginable evil.Copy !req
539. - Oh look! Wiglets!
- Yeah!Copy !req
540. How cool are they? They're made from my
old hair, do you like those?Copy !req
541. They are amazing.Copy !req
542. Do you like those? If you like those, you
might be interested in these.Copy !req
543. These are some very rare jazz LPs, I picked up
on the continent, this one is Freddie Hubbard -Copy !req
544. live at the Black hawk now. Freddie was one of the
foremost bebop trumpeters of his generation,Copy !req
545. in fact it's more postbop really, rather than bebop,
but he was incredible, incredible trumpet player.Copy !req
546. Um... Take that as a NO.Copy !req
547. - Anyway, wiglets!
- Yeah, how cool are they, yeah?Copy !req
548. Not only do they make you look stylish, but when you
put them on they transform you into a popstar!Copy !req
549. I've always wanted to be a popstar!Copy !req
550. Pop one on!Copy !req
551. - Digging up bones with a plastic spade
finding ruins from another age ~Copy !req
552. - I'm Archeology boy..
I'm Archeology girl. ~Copy !req
553. I'll take three!Copy !req
554. - That'd be seven hundred thousand euros, please.
- Very well.Copy !req
555. Oh, one note, cheeky!Copy !req
556. Well, I'm off to be a popstar.Copy !req
557. - I thought you were an archeologist.
- FUCK ARCHEOLOGY!Copy !req
558. - Good day sirs.
- Yeah..Copy !req
559. - Mate, you forgot yout box.
- I said good day, sirs!Copy !req
560. - Digging up bones with a plastic spade... ~Copy !req
561. Well, that's some of the strangest acting I've ever
seen in my life..Copy !req
562. Well he's left his box though, which is a bit of a turn-up so I suggest
I make sure Naboo gets this here box. You can take the day off,Copy !req
563. if you fancy, get your hair done or whatever is it you
need to get done and I make sure Naboo gets this box.Copy !req
564. - Okay, cool, excelent!
- How about that?Copy !req
565. Um.. You heard what he said though?
You're not gonna open it, are you?Copy !req
566. Oh, no no I would never do that.Copy !req
567. On the contrary! As soon as he is gone I shall open
the box and all of it's content shall be mine!Copy !req
568. I'll better stay here then..Copy !req
569. No, I'm not gonna open it - I just said
I'm not gonna open it, yeah?Copy !req
570. - What? You just said you were!
- Yeah in my mind, in my head!Copy !req
571. In my internal monologue.Copy !req
572. - Yeah?
- I could hear it though.Copy !req
573. - Yeah, it's technique - it's theatrical technique!
- A technique? You had a red light on your face!Copy !req
574. If anything, it was drawing attention
to what you were saying.Copy !req
575. - Alright!
- It's rubbish!Copy !req
576. Oh look, there's a sale on at Topshop!Copy !req
577. There isn't a sale on at Topshop at all.Copy !req
578. There is a sale on at Topshop,
there's a sale on at Topshop!Copy !req
579. Oh.. bit of disappointment..Copy !req
580. Heyho.. I'm gonna nip down the basement,
do a bit of a stock check..Copy !req
581. - Trapped in a box by a cockney nutjob,
have a cuppa tea, have a cuppa tea ~Copy !req
582. - I'm the hitcher, let me put you in the picture
creeping in your room in the dead of night ~Copy !req
583. - with me solo polo vision
- That's right! ~Copy !req
584. - Im a cockney geezer, watch me bleed ya
I knew the Ripper when he was just a nipper ~Copy !req
585. - I taught him how to slice, I cut him up a treat
- Pound your banana -Two pound your pear ~Copy !req
586. —Pound your banana. -Two pound your pear
- Pound your banana. -Two pound your pear ~Copy !req
587. —Fourteen shillings for your melons
- Oh yeah! ~Copy !req
588. - We're the Piper twins, Jim and Jackie Piper
We cut through the night like a windscreen ~Copy !req
589. - wiping you away like rain drops
don't mess with the boys.. ~Copy !req
590. - Shut your noise! ~Copy !req
591. - Coming in stong like a freak show nightmare
dancing skeletons, white, blue and yellow ones ~Copy !req
592. - Moving through the shadows
with the speed of a cat ~Copy !req
593. —And if you cross us we'll cut ya.
- And you ain't gona like that! ~Copy !req
594. - I'm bad juju, I use voodoo if I choose to
I harness the power of evil to abuse you ~Copy !req
595. - With power, a polo, an evil magnet
we're sucking up your soul ~Copy !req
596. - And you ain't gonna like that! ~Copy !req
597. - Here you are boys, take that, off you go..
- Alright boss.Copy !req
598. - .. get around Brixton and create havoc.
- Alright boss.Copy !req
599. I'm a cockney, I'm a cockney,
I'm a cockney..Copy !req
600. We all are, you nonce!Copy !req
601. Allright Brixton, how are you?Copy !req
602. You're alright you slags!Copy !req
603. Yeah! Ooh it feels good to be out of the box,
oooh it feels good.Copy !req
604. Two hundred years I've been trapped inside this here box,
two hundred years Brixton!Copy !req
605. For crimes against humanity!Copy !req
606. That's right - I've raped a dolphin!Copy !req
607. Well technically speakin' it was a porpoise.Copy !req
608. But one blow-hole's the same as the next to me!Copy !req
609. Lot of people are goin': Ooh the whale, ooh save the
whale, the marine wildlife, they're all intelligent,Copy !req
610. don't hurt them. I'll fucking save them!
Bring'em over here!Copy !req
611. That whale what they found in the Thames?
That was me what took him there in a lorry!Copy !req
612. Get in the back we're all going out for
a picnic!Copy !req
613. He was in there going: „Oh where are we going,
the Indian Ocean?“Copy !req
614. Yeah something like that, you heard of Lambeth
Bridge, you slag?Copy !req
615. Get in there! Get in there with the Zinger burgers!
Get in there with the johnnies! I'll reverse drown your arse!Copy !req
616. I'm evil Brixton! I'm... I'm a nob!Copy !req
617. I spent all last week driving contaminated
swans to Fife.Copy !req
618. Pullin'em out of back of the van, breakin' their
necks, throwing them on the floor,Copy !req
619. leaving a sachet of Lemsip and creepin' off
into the night.Copy !req
620. I'm EVIL! I once kicked a racoon's face
right off its body!Copy !req
621. What its face was doin' on its body
I have no fuckin' idea.Copy !req
622. Faces should be covering heads! You're a freak of nature!
I told him I was doin' him a favour!Copy !req
623. Bang! Kicked it right off! It flew through the air like
a pancake and landed on Jesus's face.Copy !req
624. I didn't mean it to, but it was a cheeky bonus!Copy !req
625. A very cheeky bonus..Copy !req
626. Anyway, you'll have to excuse me, I've been in
that box two hundred years, I need a sprinkle.Copy !req
627. There's no toilets in there, excuse me ladies and getlemen,
while I piss like a powerful mule.Copy !req
628. Ooooh! Ooooh yeaaah!Copy !req
629. Comin' out of me like a yellow cable!Copy !req
630. Oh I have had a Berocca!Copy !req
631. Oh yeah, oh oh fuck yeah, oh it's good,
oh it feels good,Copy !req
632. oh oh fuckin feels good, take that you slag! You're too far away,
the venue's too big, I'm comin' in, fuck you!Copy !req
633. Let's have a slash orgy come on, drink down
my fuckin' cockney urine!Copy !req
634. Boosh fans, you BBC3 weirdos!
Drink it, drink it then!Copy !req
635. You sir, open your mouth! Taste the
cockney goodness!Copy !req
636. It's got Berocca in it, you'll be alright!Copy !req
637. Come on! Fuckin' 'ell, how light it is in 'ere? Are you alright?
Little self-conscious, bit of piss make you feel good!Copy !req
638. How am I gonna get back on stage? I don't like stairs -
you give me a bunk-up, come over here. Come on.Copy !req
639. You've had a shocker all night, ain't you pal? You
remember bunk-ups, when we were kids,Copy !req
640. go on, bend down, nice and low get like that.
Yeaaaah!Copy !req
641. I'm only joking, come on.Copy !req
642. Ooh there you go pal, thank you.
Thanks a lot, cheers.Copy !req
643. Disposable penis - 3.99 Costcutter!Copy !req
644. Can I help you?Copy !req
645. No thanks, squire I'm just browsing. Who are you?Copy !req
646. I'm Naboo, that's who.Copy !req
647. Who are you?Copy !req
648. They call me the Hitcher!Copy !req
649. - Is that your theme tune?
- No, it fuckin' ain't.Copy !req
650. Oi soundman, what the fuck was that supposed to be?Copy !req
651. I asked for track twelve didn't I, „Ominous chords, in brackets,
He's pure evil, he kicked a racoon's face off onto Jesus's face“.Copy !req
652. What the fuck was that supposed to be,
the holiday show?Copy !req
653. Don't make me come down there boy
and put a dolphin suit on you!Copy !req
654. What are you doing in my Nabootique?Copy !req
655. In your what, pal?Copy !req
656. In my Nabootique.Copy !req
657. I'll tell you what I'm doing in your Nabootique!
I'm doing this!Copy !req
658. Aaah shit!Copy !req
659. Yeah, yeaah boo it up! Boo it up you
nonces! Boo it up!Copy !req
660. Every boo goes to making my erection
that little bit stronger!Copy !req
661. Don't boo after the concept! Fucking weirdo!Copy !req
662. Alright then, let's see what Ali-baba's got back
here in the way of money!Copy !req
663. Ooh enormous face!Copy !req
664. 700000 €! What a result! Hahaha take care Aladdin,
I'm off to Hoxton to get some pie and mash.Copy !req
665. I'm a cockney, I'm a cockney - oh, I can't get
off this way, fuck!Copy !req
666. Hello everyone! I'm so happy to be here.
I'm the Moon, I'm so happy.Copy !req
667. In the sixties, a man come in and he
put a flag in my belly.Copy !req
668. And he driving around in the buggy.. and did jump around. One
small step for mankind and one big step for the Moon.Copy !req
669. He not been back since. Should I have made
him a cuppa tea?Copy !req
670. When did he only come once? Has he seen all
he needed to?Copy !req
671. I've got a bad feeling about this..
Naboo?Copy !req
672. This is it Bollo. I'm close to the end..
.. fading away...Copy !req
673. Do not fear my friend. Maybe I will see you.
In the next life.Copy !req
674. I doubt it. I'm going to heaven.Copy !req
675. Do animals not go to heaven?Copy !req
676. Well yeah, but you killed that boy.Copy !req
677. Oh yeah, I forgot about that.Copy !req
678. What are you doing?Copy !req
679. - Sorry I thought you were gone.
- Just havin' a powernap.Copy !req