- 1. Babe.
- 2. Please don't smoke.
It'll kill your palate.
- 3. Then my palate will die happy.
- 4. Hey.
- 5. Margot, tonight is huge, okay?
- 6. The flavor profiles,
it's all super delicate.
- 7. When you smoke, you ruin your ability
to be able to appreciate them.
- 8. Oh, come on!
- 9. Please. Please.
- 10. Fine. Jesus.
- 11. - Thank you.
- 12. Oh! Thank God.
- 13. Is that gonna fit everyone?
- 14. Yeah, easily.
Twelve customers total.
- 15. A night?
- 16. How do they turn a profit?
- 17. $1,250 a head. That's how.
- 18. You're fucking kidding, right?
- 19. What, are we eating a Rolex?
- 20. Come on, let's not ruin this
by talking price, yeah?
- 21. Just go with the flow.
- 22. Let it be magical.
- 23. - Hey, it's your dime.
- 24. Not bad!
Oh, thanks, man.
- 25. You deserve this, baby.
- 26. You know who's gonna love this? Betty!
- 27. It's just a "fuck you" to Accounts.
- 28. It's not even a client dinner.
- 29. Fuck. We're dicks, huh?
- 30. Great. A power tasting.
- 31. They'll be wasted by the amuse.
- 32. Hi, guys.
- 33. How did you think we were
gonna get on the...
- 34. Look at you on a gangplank in heels.
- 35. Fuck.
- 36. Holy fucking shit.
- 37. Lillian Bloom. Oh, my God.
- 38. - Who's Lillian Bloom?
- 39. Food critic for Saveur.
- 40. She basically discovered Slowik.
- 41. Okay, well, it's official.
- 42. Tonight will be madness.
- 43. All aboard for Hawthorn!
- 44. Hawthorn! All aboard!
- 45. Wow.
- 46. Ladies and gentlemen,
- 47. please make yourselves comfortable
for our short journey to Hawthorn Island.
- 48. - Thank you.
- 49. And avast, me hearties!
- 50. Let's hope she's seaworthy, eh?
- 51. Yes, sir. Yeah.
- 52. Boat... Boat jokes.
- 53. - Yeah, yeah.
- Boat, yeah.
- 54. - We're on a boat.
- Yeah. We're on a boat.
- 55. Hey, we got
a famous person on board, huh?
- 56. FP in the house.
- 57. Barely F anymore,
though. It's not 1998.
- 58. He's a P, and he's F.
- 59. Oh, my God. Check it out.
- 60. Hey, aren't you supposed
to be running interference for me?
- 61. Make sure people don't bother me, then?
- 62. God, we both know you were not bothered.
- 63. I saw all his movies
when I was a kid.
- 64. Hey, listen.
- 65. Apparently, he's a big foodie.
You know, thinks he is.
- 66. Chef Slowik
would like to welcome you
- 67. with a raw local oyster
in a mignonette emulsion,
- 68. with lemon caviar
and an oyster leaf. Enjoy.
- 69. - Beautiful. Thank you.
- Thank you.
- 70. It's one of his classics. Mmm-mmm.
- 71. The lemon pearls are made with alginate.
- 72. - Alginate, as in, um...
- 73. As in algae. Come on.
- 74. Right, yeah.
- 75. - Pond scum.
- It's not...
- 76. Delicious.
- 77. Oh, my God.
- 78. It's laughable.
- 79. It's actually fucking laughably good.
- 80. - It's good.
- 81. Think I prefer just the oyster, though.
- 82. No. No. It's the balance of the products.
- 83. You need the mouth feel of the mignonette.
- 84. Please don't say "mouth feel.”
- 85. - Too late. Mouth feel.
- 86. - Hi.
- 87. Thank you.
- 88. Jesus, this is like prom.
- 89. Yeah? I never went to prom.
- 90. - Really? Why not?
- 91. "Cause none of the cool girls
like you said, "Yes."
- 92. Aw, poor baby.
- 93. - Well, fuck those bitches.
- 94. - Bryce.
- 95. Welcome, Mr. Lorimer.
- 96. - Hello. Felicity Lynn.
Hello. Good evening.
- 97. - And Damien Garcia.
And Mr. George Diaz.
- 98. - Mr. Diaz. Welcome.
- You gave my real name?
- 99. Of course I gave them your real name.
- 100. - What about the paparazzi?
- It's a pleasure to have you.
- 101. Paparazzi? We're on an island.
- 102. Of course I gave them your real name.
- 103. Welcome to Hawthorn.
- 104. Mr. Ledford and Miss Westervelt?
- 105. Oh, no. Um...
- 106. Sorry, yeah, no. That was, uh...
- 107. That's not Miss...
She had a change of plans,
- 108. so Miss Westervelt couldn't...
This is Miss...
- 109. I'm Margot.
- 110. - Hi. Nice to meet you.
- 111. Margot. Welcome.
- 112. We'll endeavor to make your evening
as pleasant as possible.
- 113. - Thanks.
- Right this way.
- 114. Thanks.
- 115. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
- 116. That was really awkward.
I'm sorry. That was not...
- 117. - No, no. Fine.
- 118. Don't worry about it.
- 119. Sorry.
- 120. Mr. Leibrandt.
Mrs. Leibrandt. Welcome.
- 121. We'll just go straight
to the restaurant, if you don't mind.
- 122. We've seen the tour
many, many times.
- 123. Yes, yes, you have.
- 124. My esteemed guests
can continue their conversation this way.
- 125. Thank you. Please follow me.
- 126. So, like, what are you working on now?
- 127. Oh, hey, thanks for asking.
See, people still know me.
- 128. I'm moving into
the presenter phase of my career.
- 129. You know? Do me.
- 130. Hawthorn Island
comprises 12 acres of forest and pasture.
- 131. We have the bounty
of the sea surrounding us.
- 132. Oh, yeah, right.
- 133. Out there, right now,
we are harvesting scallops.
- 134. You'll eat them tonight.
- 135. - No, get out. Oh, shoot!
- 136. Hey!
- 137. Hey, harvest harder, me dude!
- 138. We're starving!
- 139. Oh, my goodness.
- 140. I do like the sense of it
being a sort of bio me of culinary ideas.
- 141. Right. Like, it functions like
an epicurean salon.
- 142. No, I like bio me better I think.
- 143. Biome's better. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, that's... Yeah.
- 144. We have reached
the base camp of Mount Bullshit.
- 145. This is insane.
- 146. Smell that.
- 147. Mmm.
- 148. We're gonna be hungry.
- 149. Yeah, I'm a huge
- 150. I love this stuff.
- 151. And I'm close, personal
friends with the chef.
- 152. Okay, player.
- 153. Our smokehouse
is in the Nordic tradition.
- 154. We use the meat of dairy cows only,
- 155. which we age for an astonishing 152 days
to relax the protein strands.
- 156. Ah, yes. Yes.
Can we pop in here?
- 157. - Dude, I read about one of these online.
- Oh, yeah? Can I check it out?
- 158. Korean barbeque.
- 159. But please, do not touch our proteins.
- 160. So, what happens if
you serve it on the 153rd day?
- 161. Does all hell break loose, or...
- 162. Well, I suppose the bacteria
would introduce itself
- 163. to the consumer's bloodstream
and spread into their spinal membranes,
- 164. after which point, he or she
would become incapacitated
- 165. and shortly thereafter expire.
- 166. So, yes, all hell would break loose.
- 167. Good thing we're pros, yes?
- 168. I'd like to work for her.
- 169. Yeah.
- 170. This is where we live.
- 171. Yeah? What, you actually live here?
All of you?
- 172. All of us.
- 173. Except Chef.
- 174. - Yeah, well...
- 175. Esprit de corps. No?
- 176. No, Mr. Feldman.
It's very much more than that.
- 177. Here we are family.
- 178. Each day starts at 6:00,
with five hours of prep work.
- 179. We harvest. We ferment.
- 180. We slaughter. We marinate.
- 181. We liquify. We spherify.
- 182. We gel.
- 183. - They, um... They "gel?"
- 184. We gel.
- 185. Dinner is typically
four hours and 25 minutes.
- 186. Each day ends at well past
2:00 in the morning.
- 187. So yes, it's best that we all live here.
- 188. You guys ever get burned out, or...
- 189. - "Burned out?"
- Yeah, sorry, sorry.
- 190. Like, tired of doing the same thing?
- 191. Chef holds himself
to the highest standard, and so do we.
- 192. We never burn anything unless by design,
to make delicious.
- 193. Now, who's hungry?
- 194. There is food
at the end of this, right?
- 195. Boat food to dinner table.
- 196. Elsa.
- 197. Excuse me.
- 198. Elsa. Elsa, hi.
- 199. Uh, who lives there?
- 200. Chef.
- 201. Oh, can we see that?
- 202. Even we are not allowed
inside Chef's cottage, Mr. Ledford.
- 203. Come on.
- 204. We mustn't disturb
the Lord High Emperor of Sustenance.
- 205. Yeah, all right.
- 206. Isn't the GOAT the greatest of
all time, though?
- 207. No, no, no. Back in the day...
- 208. You think he'd pick that big guy?
- 209. So, I think that maybe
we'll just time the post.
- 210. Oh, yeah? Bring you to the best spots?
- 211. Yes, well,
I book the best spots.
- 212. - So you tell me.
With my name.
- 213. Well, I...
- 214. Hi, again.
- 215. Gentlemen, parfait?
- 216. Oh! Look at that view.
- 217. Wanna take a picture?
- 218. Where we going, chief?
- 219. Here. Switch seats with me.
- 220. - Miss...
- 221. Ms. Mills. You will be sitting
in Miss Westervelt's seat.
- 222. Just...
You should have the better view.
- 223. Well, I don't...
- 224. I don't need a better view.
- 225. No,
I'm gonna look at the kitchen.
- 226. Thank you!
The rose, we'll get first.
- 227. Enjoy.
- 228. Feel free to observe
the cooks as they innovate.
- 229. But please, do not photograph our dishes.
- 230. Chef strongly feels that
the beauty in his creations
- 231. lies in their ephemeral nature.
- 232. Here, come on. We can't miss this.
- 233. Oh. Um...
- 234. Do you make that with a Pacojet?
- 235. - Exactly right, sir.
- 236. You know, a Pacojet can produce
a powderized, uh, snow-like texture.
- 237. - Cool.
- Yeah. I have one.
- 238. You really know your stuff, Mr. Ledford.
- 239. You know my name?
- 240. Oh, we like to know
everyone who dines with us.
- 241. And Chef, is he around here somewhere?
I'd love to talk with him.
- 242. Why don't you take your seat?
- 243. We're about to serve.
- 244. Oh, right. Yeah, okay. Thank you.
- 245. Wow.
- More Lambrusco, madam?
- 246. Well, the attention
to detail, it's like, fuck!
- 247. And he knew my name, babe!
- 248. Yeah. I noticed you didn't ask his name.
- 249. Yeah, well, you know.
- 250. There he is.
- 251. Fuck me. Is he looking at me?
- 252. Bland? You call that bland?
Well, it is bland.
- 253. You like the winter, don't you?
- 254. I don't actually...
- 255. Here we have a compressed
and pickled cucumber melon,
- 256. milk snow, and charred lace.
- 257. Thanks.
- 258. Oh! This ongoing obsession with snow.
- 259. It's officially a plague,
and no one is immune.
- 260. Can you taste a little goat?
- 261. Right at the end. A little kid.
- 262. She said milk.
- 263. I wonder.
- 264. - She did not say of what species.
She did not.
- 265. I want to hear
your pitch for the show,
- 266. but first I would like to say "thank you"
- 267. - for the last two years.
- 268. This opportunity has been, uh...
- 269. The best of your life?
- 270. Let's have to many, many, many more.
- 271. Come on. I'm trying to do a goodbye toast.
Can you please just let me do that?
- 272. - No, it ain't. No, it ain't.
- Yes, it is.
- 273. - I'm starting a new position.
- Oh, my God!
- 274. My mom got me a job at Sony.
- 275. I told you this two weeks ago.
- 276. Here's my, uh, work phone.
- 277. Here's the production
company's credit card.
- 278. What are you doin'? Non-transferrable.
- 279. And here is the key to your house in LA...
- 280. - I don't have pockets.
- ... your apartment in New York
- 281. and your other apartment in New York
that your wife doesn't know about.
- 282. How's Amanda®?
- 283. Take it because
I won't be there on Monday.
- 284. We're doing this?
- 285. The "talking about our lives" thing?
- 286. - Is that it? We're close?
- Hey, I don't want to either.
- 287. - But shouldn't we?
Well, do we have to?
- 288. Well, not good, Bryce. Okay?
- 289. Me and Amanda are not good. It's not good.
- 290. Are you at fault?
- 291. No, it was her fault.
She made me text her coworker.
- 292. Yeah, fucking of course
it's my fault, bro.
- 293. I'm an asshole.
- 294. Well, at least we have work.
- 295. And money.
- To work and money.
- 296. Yeah, baby.
- Yeah, baby.
- 297. We're pathetic, aren't we?
- 298. Oh, my God, dude.
Somebody, shoot us.
- 299. No, I'm not gonna have...
- 300. Jesus Christ. I want to live
inside this thing.
- 301. Mmm. So it's okay
that I'm not as into this as you are?
- 302. Oh, no, no. It's good.
- 303. I'm sitting with the coolest girl here.
- 304. Okay, so what is it with this food thing?
- 305. I don't know. It's like,
you know how people idolize,
- 306. you know, athletes, and musicians,
- 307. - and painters, and stuff?
- 308. Yeah, those people are idiots.
What they do, it doesn't matter.
- 309. They play with inflatable balls
and ukuleles and shit.
- 310. Chefs,
- 311. they play with the raw materials
of life itself.
- 312. And death itself. It's...
- 313. I mean, I've watched every fucking episode
of Chef's Table two or three times.
- 314. I've watched Slowik's 20 times.
- 315. I've watched him explain the exact moment
a green strawberry is perfectly unripe.
- 316. I've watched him plate a raw scallop
- 317. during its last
dying contraction of muscle.
- 318. It's art on the edge of the abyss,
- 319. which is where God works, too.
It's the same.
- 320. That was beautifully put, Tyler.
- 321. - Stop. Don't. No.
- No! I'm being serious.
- 322. I think I'm, um, starting to get it.
- 323. - Really?
- Yeah. A little.
- 324. Okay.
- 325. Yes, Chef.
- 326. Good evening.
- 327. Good evening.
- 328. - Good evening. Hello.
- 329. Welcome to Hawthorn.
- 330. I am Julian Slowik,
- 331. and tonight it'll be
our pleasure to feed you.
- 332. The curtain rises.
- 333. Over the next few hours
you will ingest fat,
- 334. salt, sugar, protein,
- 335. bacteria, fungi,
- 336. various plants and animals,
- 337. and, at times, entire ecosystems.
- 338. But I have to beg of you one thing.
- 339. It's just one.
- 340. Do not eat.
- 341. Is he serious?
- 342. Taste.
- 343. Savor.
- 344. Relish.
- 345. Consider every morsel
that you place inside your mouth.
- 346. Be mindful.
- 347. But do not eat.
- 348. Our menu is too precious
- 349. And look around you.
- 350. Here we are on this island.
- 351. Accept.
- 352. Accept all of it.
- 353. And forgive.
- 354. And on that note,
- 355. food!
- 356. Yeah, yeah. Bring it, bring it.
- 357. Here they come.
- 358. Oh, wow.
It's like a marching band.
- 359. Our first course
is called "The Island.”
- 360. On your plate are plants
from around the island,
- 361. placed on rocks from the shore,
- 362. covered in barely frozen,
- 363. which will flavor the dish as it melts.
- 364. You know, this is what the guy
was fishing for earlier...
- 365. Sorry?
- 366. Um...
- 367. Sorry, Chef.
- 368. It's perfectly all right.
Yes, they are those very same scallops.
- 369. Now, here is what you must
remember about this dish.
- 370. We, the people on this island,
are not important.
- 371. The island and the nutrients it provides
exist in their most perfect state
- 372. without us gathering them
or manipulating them, or digesting them.
- 373. What happens inside this room
- 374. compared to what happens
outside in nature,
- 375. in the soil, in the water,
- 376. in the air.
- 377. We are but a frightened nanosecond.
- 378. Nature is timeless.
- 379. Enjoy.
- 380. That's a cheery thought.
- 381. Are you crying?
- 382. It's just that I find it all very moving.
- 383. It's all so beautiful. I just...
- 384. It's almost too beautiful to eat.
- 385. You know,
- 386. the nicest restaurant
in my hometown was...
- 387. You don't think Chef's mad at me, right?
- 388. For the scallop thing?
- 389. You don't have to call him "Chef," Tyler.
- 390. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know
about your existence.
- 391. I kind of want him to...
- 392. - Like you?
- Yeah. Kinda.
- 393. Tyler, you're the customer.
- 394. You're paying him to serve you.
- 395. It doesn't really matter
whether he likes you or not.
- 396. Right. Wait. What does that mean?
- 397. Mmm. Nothing.
- 398. Relax. Just eat your rock.
- 399. And to pair, from our friends
at Caroline Morey,
- 400. a Chassagne-Montrachet
- 401. premier cru from 2014.
- 402. Not just a single vineyard.
- 403. A single row of vines.
- 404. - Wow. Perfect.
- It's magical.
- 405. Thoughts?
I'm really feeling this is quite...
- 406. It's half-great. It's there in moments.
- 407. There in moments.
- 408. There's a neediness
to the plating, you know.
- 409. I mean, it's been tweezered to fuck.
- 410. But the flavors are there.
It's very clean.
- 411. It's very, um, thalassic.
- 412. - "Thalassic?"
- 413. Thalassa was the primeval
spirit of the sea.
- 414. Oh, Thalassa and Pontus.
- 415. - Yes, yes, yes.
- Correct. So, we are...
- 416. We're eating the ocean.
- 417. We're eating the ocean.
- 418. - Yeah.
- 419. How is it?
- 420. It's good.
- 421. You can't just say "good"
for the show. You have to...
- 422. You have to embellish.
- 423. Oh, my God. For crying out loud.
It's not brain surgery, okay?
- 424. - It's a goddamn travel-food show.
- I know. Okay, so then, do it.
- 425. Yeah, yeah. So pitch it to me.
- 426. - Okay, so we go to Italy, right?
- 427. We shoot me in Capri pants
on a pastel green Vespa,
- 428. driving around to get
to some Giuseppe's farm with cheese.
- 429. I eat the cheese, and then...
- 430. There's a close-up of me.
- 431. And I close my eyes, and I fake an orgasm,
and then off to South Africa,
- 432. and then, I maybe...
I talk about how racism is not so cool,
- 433. and bingo bongo, Emmy time.
- 434. - That's it?
- Okay? Can I eat now?
- 435. That's what you're gonna pitch
to three streaming services on Monday?
- 436. Yeah. Pretty much. That's that.
- 437. Yeah. Jesus fucking Christ.
That's a disaster.
- 438. I don't think you can go
to South Africa with a DUL.
- 439. You like this?
- The otter food?
- 440. Yeah. It's solid.
- 441. I mean,
I've had shellfish just as good
- 442. with my chef at home, Ricardo.
You know Ricardo. He's amazing.
- 443. Incredible.
- 444. At least we can say
we've been here, right?
- 445. My dad used to say
that you buy the experience.
- 446. I mean, this looks like
a suburban landscaping.
- 447. What the fuck?
- 448. I saw Perry at DelLaurenti's the other day.
- 449. Oh?
- 450. How is he?
- 451. You know...
- 452. Perry.
- 453. Thank you.
- 454. I want plating in five!
- 455. Yes, Chef!
- 456. Is he gonna keep doing that?
- 457. Bread has existed in some form
for over 12,000 years,
- 458. especially amongst the poor.
- 459. Flour and water.
- 460. What could be simpler?
- 461. Even today, grain represents
65% of all agriculture.
- 462. Fruits and vegetables only 6%.
- 463. Ancient Greek peasants dipped their stale,
measly bread in wine for breakfast.
- 464. And how did Jesus teach us to pray
- 465. - if not to beg for our daily bread?
- Beg for our daily bread.
- 466. It is, and has always been,
the food of the common man.
- 467. But you, my dear guests,
are not the common man.
- 468. And so tonight...
- 469. you get no bread.
- 470. He must be joking.
- 471. - This is next-level.
How are you not gonna...
- 472. Wow, he's not kidding.
- 473. Not gonna serve bread at a restaurant
known for their bread. That's sweet.
- 474. - What?
- 475. It's not a fake-out, is it?
- 476. - What?
- 477. It's gotta be a bit.
- 478. Are you fuckin' serious?
- 479. In this spirit,
- 480. please enjoy
the unaccompanied accompaniments.
- 481. "The bread
you will not be eating tonight
- 482. "was made from a heritage wheat
called red fife,
- 483. "crafted with our partners
at the Tehachapi Grain Project
- 484. "devoted to preserving heirloom grains."
- 485. - This is insane.
- 486. I gotta say that the shit around
the total absence of the bread
- 487. is, like, really good.
- 488. I mean, it's a little outrageous,
- 489. It's fiendish, really.
- 490. I mean, he's always been keenly aware
of food as a history of class...
- 491. I mean, as have |I.
- 492. Sure.
- 493. Though I will say that this emulsion
does look slightly split.
- 494. Yeah.
- 495. I mean, I wasn't gonna say anything.
I noticed as soon as it came down.
- 496. It's broken. It's broken.
- 497. Yeah, which is really...
I mean, you really...
- 498. You really shouldn't see that in
a restaurant of this quality. There it is.
- 499. - Well, there it is.
- 500. Oh, my God. I mean,
it's next-level badassery.
- 501. The way he weaves in
- 502. I mean, the game is trying to guess
what the overarching theme
- 503. of the entire meal is gonna be.
- 504. You won't know until the end.
- 505. Wait. You... You like this?
- 506. Mmm-hmm. Oh, yeah.
- 507. He's basically insulting you.
- 508. No, no, no. You don't get it.
- 509. It's a concept.
- 510. I know what a concept is, Tyler.
- 511. Trust me. He's telling a story.
- 512. That's what makes his food so exciting.
- 513. He's not just a chef. He's a storyteller.
- 514. And he doesn't give a fuck
about the rules.
- 515. Call me the girl next door,
but maybe there are some rules
- 516. that you should give a fuck about,
like, I don't know,
- 517. giving food to people at a restaurant.
- 518. Dearest, no one would ever
call you the girl next door.
- 519. I make my own bread.
- 520. - You do? I didn't know that.
- 521. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's very rustic.
- 522. It's peasant style. Yeasty.
- 523. What kind of yeast are you using?
- 524. Oh, I make my own from apples.
- 525. Well, of course you make
your own yeast from apples.
- 526. - You wicked thing.
- 527. Ms. Bloom?
- 528. Here is another broken emulsion.
- 529. Courtesy of Chef Slowik.
- 530. Hello.
- 531. Is everything to your liking, sir?
- 532. Well, actually, no. Thanks for asking.
- 533. Uh, I mean, look, the food's great
- 534. and we totally
get all the conceptual stuff.
- 535. But could we please get a little bread?
- 536. You know, and some gluten-free
for my friend as well?
- 537. - No.
- 538. ||No?||
- 539. No.
- 540. Okay.
- 541. This is all very clever,
and I didn't want to pull this card,
- 542. but you know who we are, right?
- 543. Yes.
- 544. You do? You know who we are?
- 545. I know who you are.
- 546. Mmm-hmm. Then you know
we work with Doug Verrick, right?
- 547. No, you work for Mr. Verrick.
- 548. - Exactly.
- Oh, fuck it.
- 549. And so you know,
we all play on the same team.
- 550. So, just slip us a little bread.
- 551. - Please.
- We won't tell a soul, lady.
- 552. - I promise, okay?
- 553. - Did you say, "No?"
- 554. I said, "No." Yes.
- 555. - Okay.
- 556. - Wow.
- 557. That will be all, though. Thanks.
- 558. May 1?
- 559. You don't have to do... Okay.
- 560. You will eat
less than you desire
- 561. and more than you deserve.
- 562. It's a pleasure to serve you.
- 563. Well, I remain in ketosis,
so that's good news.
- 564. Without the bread,
it really focuses you.
- 565. It's so fucking good. Embalm me in this.
- 566. - Are you not gonna try it?
- 567. - No?
- 568. This is great stuff.
- 569. - I'll take it and eat it.
- Yeah, go for it.
- 570. That was a total accident.
- 571. It happens to the best of us.
- 572. I'm...
- 573. I'm sorry. That was...
- 574. No, I'm so sorry.
- 575. You haven't touched your food.
- 576. There...
- 577. There is no food.
- 578. Well, no. This is food.
- 579. So, um, lots more food to come.
- 580. - Don't wanna fill up.
- That would not be possible.
- 581. I've precisely designed
the portions to account for that.
- 582. So, you won't fill up.
- 583. Please eat.
- 584. The menu only makes sense if you eat.
- 585. But you told us not to eat.
- 586. That is not what I meant, madam.
And you know it.
- 587. Well, thank you for your concern,
- 588. but I am perfectly capable
of deciding when I eat and what.
- 589. Thank you.
- 590. Christ, that was humiliating.
- 591. "Humiliating?"
- 592. Tyler, the guy is a prick.
- 593. Please don't.
- 594. You shouldn't be so fucking rude.
- 595. What?
He asked you to eat.
- 596. I don't like it.
Just try it.
- 597. Please.
- 598. Plating in three, my friends!
- 599. Yes, Chef!
- 600. That's a 2013
Pinot Noir from Ross Cobb.
- 601. We hyper-decanted it
with an immersion blender
- 602. to awaken it from its slumber.
- 603. Slavonian oak, rich cherry
and tobacco notes,
- 604. and a faint sense of longing and regret.
- 605. - Yes. Enjoy.
Longing and regret.
- 606. My favorite.
- 607. She's staring again.
- 608. Where do we know her from?
- 609. We don't.
- 610. Well, she really does look like Claire.
- 611. Why do you keep saying that? She doesn't.
- 612. You don't think so?
- 613. She's nothing like our Claire.
- 614. That same faraway face.
- 615. Can we not obsess? Please?
- 616. I know. Hypothetically,
if you were leaving...
- 617. Right.
- ... which you're not...
- 618. Mmm-hmm.
- ... what would you be leaving for?
- 619. Associate Development Co-Exec.
- 620. And what the hell is that?
- 621. It's in development, so I'd be developing
or helping to develop things...
- 622. Why would that be better
than working for me?
- 623. Well, because there's a future there.
- 624. - It's a corporate...
- Right. Right.
- 625. A different kind of future.
Does that make sense?
- 626. At the corporate...
- 627. Thank God it's all
just hypothetical anyway.
- 628. The next course is called "Memory."
- 629. And that is what it's meant to evoke.
- 630. A memory.
- 631. So, let me tell you a memory of mine.
- 632. When I was growing up,
a child in Waterloo, Iowa,
- 633. Tuesday was taco night.
- 634. Oh, yeah!
- 635. Taco Tuesday!
- 636. Yeah!
- 637. And this, here, this lady here.
- 638. This is my mother.
- 639. As you can see, she's rather drunk.
- 640. - This is not unusual.
- 641. When I was seven years old,
- 642. one Tuesday, my father
came home quite drunk.
- 643. Really drunk.
- 644. Also, not unusual.
- 645. My mother grew angry and screamed at him,
- 646. at which point,
he proceeded to wrap a telephone cord
- 647. around her neck and pull it tight.
- 648. I wept.
- 649. I screamed, I begged him to stop.
- 650. To make him stop,
- 651. I finally had to stab him in the thigh
with kitchen scissors.
- 652. You remember that, Mother, don't you?
- 653. Now, I suppose I should've
stabbed him in the throat that evening.
- 654. But we're not so smart when we're young.
- 655. It was, as you can imagine,
- 656. as a very memorable taco night.
- 657. Oh, thank God he didn't.
- I mean, what the fuck was that?
- 658. - Theatrical.
You liked that?
- 659. Yeah, it's a back story to what
makes him a chef artist.
- 660. Dude, that guy's got some
really dark sense of humor, bro.
- 661. He's such an intense dude.
- 662. So, here you have
- 663. house-smoked Bresse
chicken thigh al pastor
- 664. and our own tortillas
made with heirloom masa,
- 665. - one of Hawthorn's signature dishes.
- Thank you.
- 666. We change our menu constantly,
but, as Ms. Bloom knows,
- 667. this has been a staple since day one.
- 668. It's what you once said...
- 669. Put you on the map.
- 670. Put me on the map.
- 671. Precisely what map would that be...
- 672. I wonder.
- 673. Anyways, because we're always innovating,
and we fear irrelevance,
- 674. an update to a classic.
- 675. The images on the tortillas have been made
using a laser-engraving machine.
- 676. It's the first time we've used it.
- 677. We hope this taco night evokes
strong memories for us all.
- 678. Enjoy.
- 679. Well, of course he had to do a taco.
- 680. Here you are.
- 681. What are they, Lil?
- 682. They're restaurants.
- 683. Um...
- 684. That I reviewed that all closed.
- 685. Oh!
- 686. Like a gag, then?
- 687. Um, I think so.
- 688. Richard, what are these?
- 689. Taco things. For the tacos.
- 690. No, the pictures. They're all of us.
- 691. This one is after you had the melanoma
removed from your forehead.
- 692. There's the bandage.
- 693. Isn't that nice? They remembered us.
- 694. Tyler, is that you?
- 695. Yeah. They're all me from tonight
taking fucking photos.
- 696. - Jesus Christ, what's with this guy?
- 697. I knew it. He hates me.
- 698. God damn it.
I didn't think he'd really mind.
- 699. - Should I apologize?
- Apologize for what?
- 700. Oh...
- 701. Calling Doctor Sunshine.
- 702. Oh, my God. I forgot
about that one.
- 703. Dumb part. Bad script.
- 704. Fun shoot, though.
- 705. Hmm. Maybe it's a joke
'cause you're friends, right?
- 706. Yeah, yeah, you know, friends.
- 707. I mean, you know, do I have any friends?
- 708. Wait. Um...
- 709. Hey, guys, what the fuck?
- 710. Are these...
- 711. How did they get these?
- 712. It's not good.
- 713. Uh, excuse me.
- 714. - Can I help you, sir?
- 715. Yeah. What...
- 716. What the hell are these?
- 717. These are tortillas.
- 718. Yes, and what are these?
- 719. These are tortillas
- 720. which contain EchoBrite's tax records
and other documents,
- 721. showing how your company
has created invoices with fake charges.
- 722. How did you get these?
- 723. I'm sorry, but Chef
never reveals his recipes.
- 724. Do you know how fucked you are?
- 725. We'll have this place closed
by the morning. Do you understand?
- 726. Oh, no, that won't be necessary.
- 727. Enjoy.
- 728. And this is you and...
- 729. Who is that woman?
- 730. Uh...
- 731. Well, how the hell
should I know? It's faked.
- 732. It's some sort of stupid joke.
- 733. It's a fucking taco, okay?
It can't hurt you.
- 734. Yeah, a fucking taco
that might hold up in court.
- 735. We have plausible deniability,
and if they try to turn us in...
- 736. Right!
- 737. If they turn us in,
they'd be turning Verrick in.
- 738. And then they'd be
just as fucked as we are.
- 739. Right? So, we're fine.
- 740. Right?
- 741. - Yeah, we're good.
- We're fine. Yeah, fuck it.
- 742. They can't take your photograph
without your consent. This is insane.
- 743. Stop talking and let me think, okay?
- 744. I have to make this right somehow.
I have to.
- 745. Well, I'll tell you how you make it right.
- 746. You send this shit back. Excuse me.
- 747. - Excuse me! Sir, hi.
- Hey. Margot! Margot!
- 748. Did you just fucking snap at me?
- 749. Do you know how long I've been
trying to get a reservation here?
- 750. No, and I don't really care.
- 751. You do not send shit back
to this kitchen, you child.
- 752. You thank them for
even letting you in the door.
- 753. - What did you just call me?
- I called you a child
- 754. because you're fucking acting like it.
- 755. Tyler, you need to apologize
to me right now.
- 756. You cannot speak to me that way.
- 757. Actually, I can because,
ding dong, I'm the one who's paying.
- 758. So maybe, shut up and eat.
- 759. Mmm. Oh, my God.
- 760. Oh, my God.
- 761. This is incredible. You have to try this.
- 762. No, thanks. Don't let me interrupt.
- 763. Miss Mills?
- 764. How can I assist you?
- 765. Just looking for the ladies' room.
- 766. Right this way.
- 767. Thank you.
- 768. What's behind that silver door?
- 769. Something very special.
- 770. No, you can't...
- 771. You shouldn't be in here.
- 772. I'd like to know specifically what it was
- 773. about the last course
that you did not enjoy.
- 774. You've barely eaten the food.
- 775. Why?
- 776. I need to know. Why don't you eat?
- 777. Why do you care?
- 778. I take my work very seriously,
and you're not eating.
- 779. And that wounds me.
- 780. I guess I'm just not very hungry.
- 781. I've told you who I am.
- 782. I'm Julian Slowik, and I am the chef here.
- 783. Now, who are you?
- 784. I'll ask again. Who are you?
- 785. I'm Margot Mills.
- 786. So, where are you from, Margot?
- 787. I'm from Grand Island, Nebraska.
- 788. Now, does that make you feel better?
- 789. You want the address for Mom's
trailer park, you asshole?
- 790. No, it's not who you want me
to think you are.
- 791. Who are you?
- 792. I am Margot.
- 793. You shouldn't be here tonight.
- 794. Please get the fuck out of my way.
- 795. Still very theatrical, but minimalist,
- 796. like the Japanese,
the "minimirasuto” style.
- 797. But he was being playful, right?
- 798. Yes.
- 799. I mean,
let's talk about the tacos.
- 800. It's a dialogue. It's playful.
- 801. I'm excited.
- 802. We're ready for our next course,
- 803. - which I think you'll find...
- Excuse me.
- 804. But what the hell is going on here?
- 805. Would you just let me finish, please?
- 806. Thank you.
- 807. Ladies and gentlemen,
please meet sous-chef Jeremy Louden.
- 808. Jeremy created the next dish.
- 809. It's called "The Mess."
- 810. Originally from Sparks, Nevada,
- 811. Jeremy studied at the Culinary Institute
in Hyde Park.
- 812. Jeremy's goal, as he wrote
in a heartfelt letter,
- 813. was to work for me here at Hawthorn.
- 814. Isn't that right, Jeremy?
- 815. - Yes, Chef.
- 816. Jeremy is talented.
- 817. He's good.
- 818. He's very good.
- 819. But he's not great.
- 820. He'll never be great.
- 821. He desperately wants
my prestige, my job, my talent.
- 822. He aspires to greatness,
but he'll never achieve it.
- 823. Correct, Jeremy?
- 824. Yes, Chef.
- 825. Like me at his age,
- 826. Jeremy has forsaken everything
to achieve his goals.
- 827. Like mine, his life is pressure.
- 828. Pressure to put out
the best food in the world.
- 829. And even when all goes right,
and the food is perfect,
- 830. and the customers are happy,
and the critics are, too,
- 831. there is no way to avoid the mess.
- 832. The mess you make of your life,
- 833. of your body, of your sanity,
- 834. by giving everything you have
to pleasing people you will never know.
- 835. Jeremy...
- 836. do you like this life?
- 837. This life that you dreamed about?
- 838. - No, Chef.
- 839. And do you want my life?
- 840. Not my position, nor my talent.
- 841. My life.
- 842. No, Chef.
- 843. Ladies and gentlemen, your fourth course,
- 844. - sous-chef Jeremy's The Mess.
- 845. Fuck!
- 846. Oh, God!
- 847. What are you doing?
- 848. What's wrong with you?
- 849. The fuck is that?
- 850. That was a shock.
I didn't see that comin'.
- 851. What the fuck, man?
- 852. Please. Sit. Sit.
- 853. Everything's fine.
Please, it's all fine.
- 854. - What happened?
- It's just part of the menu.
- 855. - It's part of the show.
- It's a show?
- 856. That's a show? That's not...
- 857. This is what you're paying for.
- 858. That's a stunt?
What was that?
- 859. This is an exclusive experience.
- 860. - Please just...
What the fuck, man?
- 861. return to your seats.
- 862. Thank you so much.
- 863. Is he dead?
- 864. It's definitely
a squib or a packed...
- 865. - Stay right there.
- Can I invite you
- 866. - to sit down, please?
I've seen them
- 867. - use it before.
It's not funny.
- 868. What the fuck?
- 869. - Is this real?
What is happening?
- 870. It looks so damn real.
No, no, no.
- 871. This is just theater, right?
- 872. What the fuck
are you talking about, lady?
- 873. He just fucking shot himself, okay?
- 874. It looked very real, Lillian.
- 875. This is... This is just theater.
- 876. Is it really?
- 877. Yeah. This is what he does.
- 878. It's part of the menu.
- 879. - Eat!
- 880. Enjoy.
- 881. Fifth course on order.
- 882. Yes, Chef!
- 883. Tyler, what the hell is going on?
- 884. And here we have
a bio dynamic Cabernet Franc
- 885. from our friends at Domaine Breton.
- 886. It has no added sulfites,
a bit of barnyard funk,
- 887. and just a wonderful match
with roasted proteins. Enjoy.
- 888. - We're leaving. Now.
But I have to get my wrap.
- 889. - Forget your wrap. Get up.
- But I...
- 890. Mr. Leibrandt?
- 891. - We're leaving.
- Is something wrong?
- 892. We're leaving.
- 893. There is no boat to leave on.
- 894. Then I'll call a helicopter.
- 895. That would be very difficult
without phone service.
- 896. Fucking move.
- 897. Jesus. Just do what they say,
for God's sake!
- 898. I'll handle this.
- 899. - Just let me handle this.
- With which hand, Mr. Leibrandt?
- 900. What?
- 901. With which hand will you
handle this? Left or right?
- 902. What the fuck are you saying?
- 903. Shall we choose?
- 904. Choose what?
- 905. Very well. Left hand.
- 906. Ring finger.
- 907. Let me out! Let me out!
- 908. No!
- 909. Come on. Come on.
- 910. - Leave the guy alone.
- What the fuck are you doing?
- 911. Come on. Easy. Easy!
Leave him alone!
- 912. Leave the old guy alone!
- 913. Mr. Leibrandt, please hold still.
- 914. What the fuck are you doing?
- 915. Richard!
- 916. Richard!
- 917. Please stay seated.
- 918. Please stay seated.
- 919. What the...
- 920. What the hell's goin' on?
Get a doctor for him.
- 921. Do you need assistance finding your seat?
- 922. There's a finger. The finger.
There's a finger right there.
- 923. The man is screamin' in pain!
- 924. Please, sit.
- 925. Sir?
- 926. It's not funny, lady! Jesus Christ!
- 927. - It's all part of the menu.
- 928. Oh, my God!
- 929. This is real, isn't it? I can't do it.
- 930. - I can't do a hostage thing. I can't.
- Then why don't you go talk to him?
- 931. Go talk to him!
Because you know him, right?
- 932. I made that up.
- 933. Why?
- 934. Because I'm a name-dropping whore.
That's why, okay?
- 935. Your husband's ring, madam.
- 936. - Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- 937. Ted. Ted!
- 938. I honestly think that this whole thing
is just for our benefit.
- 939. I mean, us.
- 940. That's why he texted me.
And this is incredible. Right?
- 941. The acting is astonishing.
- 942. What the fuck are you talkin' about?
- 943. Chef Slowik would like
to see you in the kitchen.
- 944. Can I come, too?
- 945. No, no, I'm sorry, but you're all wrong.
- 946. - Why are you doing this?
- 947. You're just simply wrong.
- 948. What are you talking about?
- 949. Who are you?
- 950. Margot.
- 951. My name is Margot.
- 952. I've served many Margots.
You're not a Margot.
- 953. - No.
- What the fuck does it matter?
- 954. It matters because this menu,
this guest list,
- 955. this entire evening
has been painstakingly planned.
- 956. And you were not a part of that plan.
- 957. And it's spoiling everything.
- 958. In order to proceed,
I have to know where to seat you.
- 959. With us, or with them?
- 960. It's really... It's very important.
- 961. And then you'll let me live?
- 962. Let you live? No!
- 963. Of course not.
- 964. Can't you see that
that would ruin the menu?
- 965. We're all gonna die tonight.
- 966. Isn't that right?
- 967. Yes, Chef!
- 968. So, the question is,
- 969. do you wanna die with those who give,
or with those who take?
- 970. But I die either way?
- 971. It's arbitrary.
- 972. No, it's not arbitrary.
Nothing in this kitchen is arbitrary.
- 973. Please pick.
- 974. These decisions are important, and, uh,
- 975. our menu is strictly timed.
- 976. In 15 minutes,
- 977. I'll take a break between courses,
and that is how long you have to decide.
- 978. It's our side or theirs.
- 979. In the meantime,
please return to your seat.
- 980. The next dish is exquisite.
- 981. - Plating in five!
- 982. - I love you all.
We love you, too, Chef!
- 983. Fuck!
He offer you a kitchen course?
- 984. All right, what was it? Protein or veg?
- 985. Protein or veg? Hmm?
- 986. God damn it. It's not fucking fair.
- 987. Why do you get a kitchen course?
- 988. You smoke all day.
Can't even fucking taste it.
- 989. We're cornered. Let's focus.
- 990. Wait, what's the play here?
What are our options?
- 991. The door is guarded,
but it could be a play.
- 992. Yeah.
- 993. Has anybody seen
down the hallway if we can...
- 994. Hey, guys. We gotta do something,
and we can't be cowards.
- 995. This worked in a movie
I did called The Assault.
- 996. When they bring their knives and forks,
we just storm their kitchen, okay?
- 997. You think we have
better knife skills than them?
- 998. What other choice do we have?
- 999. I don't fuckin' know, man.
- 1000. So what, then? We...
- 1001. Fuck it. I'm gonna break
this fucking window.
- 1002. Yeah! Go for it! Go for it!
- 1003. Fuck!
- 1004. Please let me help you back to your table.
- 1005. Fuck.
- 1006. I'm sorry, man.
- 1007. - God.
- 1008. There's a saying.
- 1009. "Sometimes all you need
is a good cup of tea."
- 1010. I learned that growing up in Bratislava.
- 1011. I've found that not only
does tea cleanse the palate,
- 1012. but it offers a soothing balm
when facing some hard home truths.
- 1013. But before we continue,
- 1014. are there any questions
about me or Hawthorn?
- 1015. Any questions?
- 1016. Is this bergamot I'm getting, Chef?
- 1017. Yes, it is.
- 1018. Chef?
- 1019. Uh, I think I speak for everybody here
when I say that, uh...
- 1020. I wanna know... I mean, we wanna know...
- 1021. Why the fuck is this happening, man?
- 1022. Well, I'll tell you.
Think of yourselves as ingredients
- 1023. in a degustation concept.
- 1024. - What?
A tasting concept.
- 1025. Figuratively speaking.
- 1026. I think that is the best way
to describe it.
- 1027. But none of this should be
a surprise to most of you.
- 1028. Ms. Bloom.
- 1029. Lillian, if I may,
my cherished early advocate
- 1030. knows the damage she has done
to so many livelihoods.
- 1031. No, no, no. Hang on, Chef.
- 1032. No, no, no. No, you don't talk.
- 1033. I'm sorry, Chef.
- 1034. You submitted to an interview
- 1035. - with Lillian Bloom.
- 1036. And that interview
created this restaurant.
- 1037. You enable her filth.
You enable her filth.
- 1038. You buttress.
- 1039. You coddle.
- 1040. More broken emulsion, madam.
- 1041. You loved that I texted you
an invitation for this evening.
- 1042. Me yearning for your attendance.
- 1043. Your ego was fed.
But that is to be expected.
- 1044. And no, you've fed my ego as well.
- 1045. Ten minutes, Ms. Mills.
- 1046. Please. My... My husband
needs to go to the hospital.
- 1047. I'm fine. Just let my wife go.
- 1048. My loyal regulars.
- 1049. How many times have you eaten here
in the last five years?
- 1050. I don't know. Six or seven?
- 1051. - I think it's more than that, Dick.
- Eleven. Eleven times.
- 1052. Most people consider themselves blessed
if they eat here only once.
- 1053. Mr. Leibrandt,
kindly name one dish you ate
- 1054. the last time you were here.
- 1055. Eleven times you take the boat out here
- 1056. where we introduce every dish
every single time.
- 1057. We tell you exactly
what we're feeding you.
- 1058. Please tell me one dish you ate
the last time you were here.
- 1059. Or the time before.
- 1060. One. Please.
- 1061. Cod.
- 1062. Cod.
- 1063. Cod.
- 1064. It wasn't cod, you donkey.
- 1065. It was halibut.
- 1066. Rare, fucking spotted halibut.
- 1067. What does it matter?
- 1068. It matters to the halibut, Mrs. Leibrandt.
- 1069. And to the artist whose work
turns to shit inside your gut.
- 1070. I've allowed my work
to reach the price point
- 1071. where only the class of people
in this room can access it.
- 1072. And I've been fooled
into trying to satisfy
- 1073. people who could never be satisfied.
- 1074. Starting with her.
- 1075. But that's our culture, isn't it?
- 1076. And my restaurant is part of the problem.
- 1077. You say it's your restaurant.
- 1078. But if we're all just bein'
honest tonight, it's not.
- 1079. You're right.
Doug Verrick is my angel investor.
- 1080. He owns this island and this restaurant.
- 1081. And since Hawthorn is my entire life,
- 1082. I would have to say
that Doug Verrick owns me.
- 1083. Except now things are
a little more complicated,
- 1084. and I own Doug Verrick.
- 1085. Oh, Jesus.
Oh, my God.
- 1086. Holy shit.
- 1087. Hey, hey. How do we stop this, man?
- 1088. - No.
- Okay? Just please just make it stop.
- 1089. Just fuck in" tell us how to stop this.
we'll stop it, okay?
- 1090. You can't stop it.
- Obviously, we have money.
- 1091. Just say how much,
and we'll give it to you!
- 1092. Just say a fucking number, man!
- 1093. No. I don't need your money.
- 1094. He kept you open through COVID, you prick!
- 1095. Yes, he did.
And he questioned my menu.
- 1096. He would even request substitutions
despite the fact that
- 1097. there are no substitutions at Hawthorn!
- 1098. Fallen angel, please.
- 1099. No! No, no!
- 1100. What the hell?
- 1101. No.
- 1102. - This is fucking...
- I said, "Listen."
- 1103. No! Julian!
- 1104. - SOREN:;: This is fuckin' insane.
- I said, "Listen."
- 1105. No...
- 1106. Listen.
No, no. This is fuckin' insane.
- 1107. No, I said, "Listen!"
- 1108. - Just listen!
- 1109. Yeah.
- 1110. Do you hear?
- 1111. And...
- 1112. And...
- 1113. under he goes, and...
- 1114. quiet.
- 1115. Do you hear it?
- 1116. Do you hear that silence?
Listen, can you hear it?
- 1117. That silence means...
- 1118. I'm free.
- 1119. Time's up, Ms. Mills.
- 1120. Chef will speak with you now
in his office.
- 1121. Come in.
- 1122. You've made your decision?
- 1123. - I have.
- And what have you decided?
- 1124. That you were right.
- 1125. I shouldn't be here.
- 1126. And I say this with respect,
- 1127. because I'm sure
that you're quite brilliant,
- 1128. but, um, all of this is not meant for me.
- 1129. You're not sure I'm brilliant,
so don't say it. It's false.
- 1130. Fine.
- 1131. I'm not sure that you're brilliant.
- 1132. Oh, I was expecting more.
- 1133. Fuck you!
- 1134. I guess I'm gonna have to make
your decision for you.
- 1135. You belong here with your own breed.
- 1136. And what breed is that?
- 1137. With the shit shovelers.
- 1138. You thought I couldn't tell?
- 1139. Oh, I know a fellow
service industry worker when I see one.
- 1140. Mr. Leibrandt. How do you know him?
- 1141. You've been eyeing him all evening.
- 1142. - Well, I think you know.
- No, I don't.
- 1143. So, he paid for an experience.
- 1144. And I can tell,
as one provider of experiences to another,
- 1145. that you don't rattle easily.
- 1146. - So, how did he rattle you?
- 1147. - He didn't rattle...
- 1148. He told me to agree
with everything he said
- 1149. and continue eye contact
while he jerked off.
- 1150. Wow. Specific.
- 1151. Not really.
- 1152. Pretty unoriginal.
- 1153. What rattled me
- 1154. is that he told me
to tell him that he was a good man,
- 1155. and that I was his daughter,
- 1156. and that he loved me,
and I loved him and...
- 1157. And so, he's a romantic.
- 1158. - No, I don't need details.
- 1159. You know, I...
I know what a bad customer is.
- 1160. Yeah.
- 1161. Do you enjoy providing your services?
- 1162. Yes.
- 1163. Orl... I used to.
- 1164. Do you enjoy providing yours?
- 1165. Oh, I used to,
- 1166. but I haven't desired to cook
for someone in ages.
- 1167. And one does miss that feeling.
- 1168. Come with me.
- 1169. Everyone's so down!
- 1170. Ladies and gentlemen, for our next course,
- 1171. let us take the evening air!
- 1172. Come on! Outside!
- 1173. Please, sir.
- Come on. Outside, everyone.
- 1174. If we can find a boat,
we can make a break for it.
- 1175. Regulars, too. Come on.
Please follow Chef.
- 1176. Chef, I'd love to talk to you
very quickly, Chef.
- 1177. Come on!
After you, please.
- 1178. Guests first.
- 1179. Richard.
- 1180. Follow me.
- 1181. Into the tranquil night air.
- 1182. Don't be frightened.
Nothing to be frightened of.
- 1183. So, maybe there's a spare boat somewhere
and we can get out of here.
- 1184. To what?
- 1185. - What?
- Get out of here to what?
- 1186. What the fuck are you talking about, bro?
- 1187. - We're dead.
- It's okay.
- 1188. No. We're gonna die tonight.
- 1189. - Yes, we are. Yeah.
- 1190. Our next course will be presented
by sous-chef, Katherine Keller.
- 1191. Good evening, everyone.
- 1192. Three years ago,
- 1193. Julian Slowik tried to fuck me.
- 1194. I refused his advances.
- 1195. A week later, he tried again.
- 1196. And again, I refused.
- 1197. But he didn't fire me.
- 1198. No.
- 1199. He kept me in his kitchen,
- 1200. and refused to look me in the eye
or speak directly to me for eight months.
- 1201. He can do that.
- 1202. Because he's the star.
- 1203. He's the man.
- 1204. Our next course is called "Man's Folly."
- 1205. I'm sorry.
- 1206. Fuck.
- 1207. To our male diners,
we now offer you the chance to escape.
- 1208. You'll be given a 45-second head start,
- 1209. at which point members of my staff
will try and catch you.
- 1210. If they do catch...
- 1211. - Okay.
- 1212. Forty-five seconds starts now.
- 1213. - Hold this.
- 1214. I'm sorry. Come on. You know I'm awful.
- 1215. You're a wonderful critic.
- 1216. I'll... I'll send for help. First thing.
- 1217. You, too.
- 1218. I'll, uh, leave you to it.
- 1219. Care to join me inside?
- 1220. It's getting chilly.
- 1221. It's right this way.
- 1222. Okay.
- 1223. This way.
- 1224. - Go!
- 1225. Thank you.
- 1226. - Mmm.
- 1227. This is fantastic.
- 1228. The tartness of the umeboshi
and the waves of ferment.
- 1229. It's rich, and yet it's clean.
- 1230. It's delicious.
- 1231. Yes, well, there was a time
- 1232. that would have meant
a lot to me, Ms. Bloom.
- 1233. Mmm.
- 1234. It's so good.
- 1235. Yes, it's really good.
- 1236. You know, it's the emoji for me.
- 1237. - Umeboshi.
- 1238. - Umeboshi.
- 1239. This is so good.
- 1240. You're very talented.
- 1241. Usually don't like foam, but...
- 1242. Don't fucking run next to me, bro!
- 1243. No, you're running next to me!
- 1244. It's a big fuckin' forest!
- 1245. Get away from me!
Fuck off, bro!
- 1246. Fuck.
- 1247. Oh, my God.
- 1248. Yeah.
- 1249. So...
- 1250. You know my husband.
- 1251. Um...
- 1252. Yeah.
- 1253. I do.
- 1254. Right.
- 1255. You can tell us.
- 1256. Are we all really dying tonight?
- 1257. It doesn't work if you live.
- 1258. What doesn't work?
- The menu.
- 1259. Why not?
- 1260. It needs an ending...
- 1261. That ties everything together
- 1262. Otherwise, it just tastes good,
and who cares.
- 1263. I mean, really,
you should have your own place.
- 1264. Right? And I could help you with that.
- 1265. - I'm sure you could, Ms. Bloom.
I could. I could.
- 1266. We would just have
to talk about...
- 1267. the dying thing.
- 1268. Oh, everyone dying was my pitch, actually.
- 1269. I'm super proud of it.
- 1270. - Anybody want any wine?
- Yes, please.
- 1271. Fuck it.
- 1272. Thank you.
- 1273. I heard a pop.
- 1274. Fuck!
- 1275. Fuck!
- 1276. A special bite
for the last guest to be caught.
- 1277. A little play on the Passard egg
with creme fraiche and maple.
- 1278. - Enjoy.
- Thank you.
- 1279. Not that you guys
give a single, flying fuck,
- 1280. but my name is not Margot.
- 1281. It's Erin.
- 1282. And I'm from Brock ton, Massachusetts...
- 1283. So there's that.
- 1284. Party's over.
- 1285. Come, gentlemen.
- 1286. - Welcome back.
- What did you get?
- 1287. Sir? Please.
- 1288. Excuse me. I'm sorry.
I'll take that. Thank you.
- 1289. Ms. Bloom. Please.
- 1290. Allow me. No, it's fine. It's fine.
- 1291. Here.
- 1292. Oh, God.
- 1293. How'd you do out there?
- 1294. I did great. I killed it.
- 1295. I'm the only one who got away.
- 1296. I'm sorry. I'm a fuckin' failure.
- 1297. It's okay.
- 1298. I've been stealing money from you.
- 1299. I know.
- 1300. I know you know.
- 1301. I wrote a negative recommendation to Sony.
- 1302. I know. You cc'd me on it.
- 1303. Folks,
- 1304. I'm afraid our menu
cannot continue as planned
- 1305. until we deal with an unresolved matter.
- 1306. You.
- 1307. Me?
- 1308. Mmm-hmm.
- 1309. You.
- 1310. Tell me why you're here.
- 1311. You know, because I wanted to...
- 1312. Swallow first.
- 1313. I wanted to experience your food, Chef.
- 1314. And what were you told?
- 1315. - What were you told ahead of time?
- 1316. You told me it'd be
the greatest menu ever created.
- 1317. Right. And? And?
- 1318. And that everyone would die.
- 1319. "Everyone would die."
- 1320. You had a date.
- 1321. I seem to remember you had a date.
- 1322. Not the young woman here tonight,
- 1323. so what happened to her? Your date?
- 1324. She broke up with me, Chef.
- 1325. So, you brought Margot.
- 1326. Mmm-hmm.
- 1327. Why?
- 1328. "Cause you don't offer seatings for one.
- 1329. So, you hired her knowing she'd die.
- 1330. Yes.
- You entitled piece of shit!
- 1331. - I'm gonna Kill you, Tyler!
- 1332. Calm down.
- 1333. You can't blame her, can you?
- 1334. For the eight months
I've corresponded with you,
- 1335. I gave you, Tyler,
access to our world, hmm.
- 1336. And I swore you to secrecy.
- 1337. Why do you think I'd do this?
- 1338. - You wanted me here because...
- Why? Why?
- 1339. you said I know a lot about food.
- 1340. That's right.
You're not like the others, are you?
- 1341. I mean, you know what a Pacojet is.
- 1342. - Yeah.
You knew what the bergamot was.
- 1343. - Yeah. I could taste it.
- Yeah, you could.
- 1344. Yeah, I know, but you identified it.
- 1345. - Picked it out.
- Mmm-hmm. Right.
- 1346. That impressed me.
- 1347. - Really?
- Yeah, yeah.
- 1348. - I mean, you're a cook.
- 1349. Cooks belong in the kitchen.
- 1350. Right?
- 1351. Yes, Chef!
- 1352. Yeah.
- 1353. - Come with me.
- 1354. Me? Really?
- 1355. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have something for you.
- 1356. Okay.
- 1357. Come here. Elsa has it.
- 1358. Ah, it's a chef's jacket.
- 1359. Courtesy of Hawthorn.
- 1360. Wow.
- 1361. Ah!
- 1362. - Nice.
- Thank you.
- 1363. You look wonderful.
Doesn't he look wonderful, Margot?
- 1364. - Doesn't he look good?
- 1365. Mr. Handsome Boy.
- 1366. I'm gonna personalize the jacket.
- 1367. IIT, Y,
- 1368. “L, E,
- 1369. 1 R-ll
- 1370. Thank you. Thank you.
- 1371. - I'm proud of you.
- Thank you, Chef.
- 1372. Tyler, now cook.
- 1373. - What?
- 1374. - You're a cook. So, cook.
- Oh, I don't know if I can cook here.
- 1375. - Cook. Cook.
- Now? I don't...
- 1376. Cook! Go on, now.
- 1377. What do you need?
- 1378. - We have everything.
Please rise to observe
- 1379. - the demonstration.
- Don't be frightened.
- 1380. - What do you want... Um...
- Please rise to observe the demonstration.
- 1381. Everyone, please come around.
- 1382. Please. Tyler's gonna demonstrate
his culinary expertise.
- 1383. Please rise to observe the demonstration.
- 1384. Everyone, please.
Come around. Come closer.
- 1385. What do you need?
- 1386. - Uh... Leeks.
- Get the cook some leeks.
- 1387. Leeks. This is your station here.
- 1388. Um... Sh... Ah...
- 1389. Oh... Shit”? Would you like some shit?
- 1390. No. Uh...
- 1391. Shallots.
- 1392. Shallots for the great foodie!
- 1393. The phenomenal Mr. Food himself!
- 1394. Excuse me, I'm sorry.
- 1395. Everyone gather around.
We must learn from Tyler.
- 1396. This is a new dicing method
of which we have been woefully ignorant.
- 1397. What next?
- 1398. Uh... Butter.
- 1399. Butter? Butter.
Leeks and shallots sautéed in butter.
- 1400. I bear witness to a revolution in cuisine.
- 1401. Would you like a protein?
- 1402. - Uh... Lamb.
- 1403. Oh!
- 1404. - Oh!
- 1405. Oh, yeah. I think it's done, Chef.
- 1406. You think it's done? You're sure?
- 1407. - Mmm-hmm.
- You wanna...
- 1408. Maybe you wanna jam it into the Pacojet.
- 1409. No.
- 1410. Mmm.
- 1411. Wow.
- 1412. Wow.
- 1413. It's actually quite...
- 1414. bad.
- 1415. You are why the mystery
has been drained from our art.
- 1416. You see that now, don't you?
- 1417. Sorry, Chef.
- 1418. Come here, son. Come.
- 1419. Come here.
- 1420. Yes, Chef.
- 1421. And now you're free, too.
- 1422. Um, ladies and gentlemen,
I wanna apologize to you all.
- 1423. What you just saw was not originally
part of tonight's menu.
- 1424. We strive for perfection,
- 1425. which of course does not exist,
- 1426. and that is a hard truth for me to accept,
so please forgive me.
- 1427. Come with me.
- 1428. And that concludes our demonstration.
- 1429. Please return to your seats.
- 1430. Listen to me.
- 1431. There's only one more
savory course left in our menu.
- 1432. That means we must prepare for dessert.
- 1433. - Dessert requires a large barrel
- 1434. that is supposed to be
there in the corner.
- 1435. Do you see a barrel?
- 1436. No. No, I do not.
Neither do I.
- 1437. That is because
my negligent colleague, Elsa,
- 1438. forgot to assign someone to bring it.
- 1439. So, Margot,
you will fetch the barrel instead.
- 1440. - Me?
- 1441. You remember the smokehouse? Hmm?
- 1442. Maybe... I don't...
- 1443. Chef, perhaps one of us should...
- 1444. Margot is now one of us, Elsa.
- 1445. Right, Margot?
- 1446. Yes.
- Yes, what?
- 1447. Yes, Chef.
- 1448. Elsa, give her the smokehouse key.
- 1449. Yes, Chef.
- 1450. Go.
- 1451. Go!
- 1452. Um...
- 1453. Excuse me. Uh...
- 1454. I'm sorry, Chef.
- 1455. Sir... Sir Slowik. Um...
- 1456. Hi.
- 1457. What's up?
- 1458. Oh... Well, look...
- 1459. What I really...
I just wanted to say because, um...
- 1460. Look, I'm not trying to sound,
like, all whatever here or anything,
- 1461. but I just don't think it's really fair.
- 1462. Maybe.
- 1463. If...
- 1464. Do you wanna know
why you're being punished?
- 1465. Sure.
- 1466. I saw the film Calling Doctor Sunshine,
and I did not enjoy it.
- 1467. Wait, sorry?
- 1468. It was a Sunday.
- 1469. My one day off in months.
- 1470. The most precious day.
- 1471. The day where I was allowed to live.
- 1472. And I saw the film Calling Doc for Sunshine
alone in the cinema.
- 1473. But look, I didn't direct it.
I just acted in it.
- 1474. The memory of your face in that film,
- 1475. and seeing you again now haunts me.
- 1476. Drives me.
- 1477. What happens to an artist
when he loses his purpose?
- 1478. It's pitiful.
- 1479. No, you're right.
- 1480. And what about her?
- 1481. What school did you go to?
- 1482. Brown.
- 1483. Student loans?
- 1484. No.
- 1485. I'm sorry. You're dying.
- 1486. Motherfucker.
- 1487. Really?
- 1488. No one is allowed
inside Chef's house.
- 1489. Do you think you're special?
- 1490. You've disobeyed this rule.
- 1491. I take care of the customers
so that Chef can take care of the menu.
- 1492. You've been a nuisance
since you have arrived.
- 1493. I'm sorry.
- 1494. If you don't mind me asking though,
- 1495. why would you die for him?
- 1496. You will not replace me.
- 1497. Replace you?
Trust me, I have no...
- 1498. No, no. No!
- 1499. Stop! Enough!
- 1500. He didn't tell me about the barrel.
- 1501. - I didn't forget.
- 1502. Oh, my God!
- 1503. Oh, my God.
- 1504. Um...
- 1505. Hello?
- 1506. Happy birthday, dear Bryce
- 1507. Happy birthday to you
- 1508. You told them it was my birthday?
- 1509. Seemed funny about three hours ago.
- 1510. Thank you.
- 1511. Well, leave it there and take your seat.
- 1512. I want you to
understand something, Margot.
- 1513. I am a monster.
- 1514. No, was a monster.
- 1515. And a whore.
- 1516. But tonight, everything I'm doing is pure.
- 1517. Egoless.
- 1518. And at last, the pain is almost gone.
- 1519. Chef's hands.
- 1520. Asbestos hands.
- 1521. I can carry a cast-iron from a hot oven
to your table with no protection.
- 1522. I can no longer be hurt, Margot.
- 1523. As Dr. King said,
"We know through painful experience
- 1524. "that freedom is never
voluntarily given by the oppressor.
- 1525. "It must be demanded by the oppressed.”
- 1526. Did he just quote Martin Luther King?
- 1527. - Yep.
- Yes, he did.
- 1528. What?
- 1529. I see you found our radio.
- 1530. Clear the dining room immediately!
- 1531. It's a boat!
- 1532. Did you call someone?
- 1533. - It's a boat.
- It's a boat.
- 1534. What? What are you doing?
- 1535. Easy! Easy, there!
- 1536. The fuck are you doing to that man?
- 1537. Bro, easy with that!
- 1538. Tight, tight, tight.
- 1539. Good.
- 1540. You'll be tempted to ask him for help.
- 1541. - To plead, even.
- No, no, no.
- 1542. This would be unwise. He cannot help you.
- 1543. Ask yourselves two things.
- 1544. One, if you really wanna be responsible
for the death of an innocent man.
- 1545. And two, ask yourselves,
this entire evening,
- 1546. why didn't you all try harder
to fight back?
- 1547. To get out of here?
- 1548. Honestly, you probably could have.
- 1549. Something to think about.
- 1550. Good evening, Officer.
How can we help you?
- 1551. I got a report of a disturbance.
- 1552. Uh, here?
- 1553. What kind of a disturbance?
- 1554. A violent one.
- 1555. - Are you the owner?
- I am the executive chef.
- 1556. Ownership changed hands recently,
but that's another story.
- 1557. Now, I don't wish to be rude,
but as you can see,
- 1558. we're right in the middle of service.
- 1559. Did anybody here call in a distress
over the shortwave tonight?
- 1560. We're not in the habit
of serving our guests
- 1561. shortwave radios with their meals.
- 1562. Hey.
- 1563. Uh... Are you...
- 1564. Yes, yes, yes. I am.
- 1565. Wow. I'm a big fan.
- 1566. Thank you.
- 1567. Would you like his autograph?
- 1568. Uh...
- 1569. I don't want to bother you.
- 1570. No, no, no. It wouldn't be a bother.
- 1571. I just, I don't have a...
- 1572. No, we have a pen. Let's do it.
- 1573. Yeah.
- 1574. Thank you.
- 1575. - What's your name?
- 1576. Dale. What's up, Dale?
- 1577. - You're great.
- 1578. My wife and I, we loved that, um...
- 1579. What's it called?
The one where you play the surgeon?
- 1580. Yeah. Calling Doctor Sunshine.
- 1581. Yeah! Yeah, great stuff.
Here you go.
- 1582. Thank you so much.
- 1583. Okay. Um...
- 1584. Well, sorry again for bothering you folks.
Uh, I'll be leaving now.
- 1585. For all you do, man, anytime.
- 1586. Well, thank you for your service.
- 1587. Hands on your head! Everyone! Now!
- 1588. - No, no. You're joking.
- 1589. You're joking.
- 1590. I am not joking, sir.
- 1591. Come on. Clearly,
there's a misunderstanding.
- 1592. Help us!
- 1593. Yes! Yes!
He wants to kill us all!
- 1594. Back to your seats!
Everyone! Back to your seat now!
- 1595. He's fucking crazy!
- 1596. Back in your chair now.
- 1597. Silence! Everyone, back to where you were.
- 1598. Sit down. Now!
- 1599. Quiet!
- 1600. - It's him! It's him!
- 1601. Everyone!
- He wants to kill us all!
- 1602. Do not speak!
- 1603. You.
- 1604. On your knees with your hands
over your head. Now.
- 1605. Yes!
- 1606. - You are fucked!
- Yes! Yes! Yes!
- 1607. Oh, my God!
- 1608. All these other fuckers
are with them too, sir. Watch out.
- 1609. Calm down!
- Fuck you!
- 1610. Stay calm.
- Fuck you!
- 1611. Nobody move until I say so. No one move!
- 1612. - No, no!
- What are you doing?
- 1613. Hey, hey, hey.
- 1614. Him, him, him!
- 1615. Thank you, Dale. Thank you.
- 1616. Good job.
- 1617. So, in a kitchen we all work together,
or nothing works at all.
- 1618. - We work as a team.
- 1619. You...
- 1620. Margot from Nebraska.
- 1621. You... You've betrayed
our sacred bond of trust.
- 1622. And you've shown your craft
to be careless.
- 1623. I was wrong.
You're an eater. You're a taker.
- 1624. Like all the rest.
- 1625. Final course! Plating in five!
- 1626. Yes, Chef!
- 1627. I don't like your food.
- 1628. What did you say?
- 1629. I said I don't like your food,
and I would like to send it back.
- 1630. I'm sorry to hear that.
- 1631. What about my food is not to your liking?
- 1632. For starters,
- 1633. you've taken the joy out of eating.
- 1634. Every dish you served tonight
has been some intellectual exercise
- 1635. rather than something you want
to sit and enjoy.
- 1636. When I eat your food,
it tastes like it was made with no love.
- 1637. Oh, this is ridiculous.
We always cook with love.
- 1638. - Don't we?
- 1639. Everyone knows love
is the most important ingredient.
- 1640. Then you're kidding yourself.
- 1641. Come on, Chef. I thought tonight
was a night of hard home truths.
- 1642. This is one of them.
- 1643. You cook with obsession, not love.
- 1644. Even your hot dishes are cold.
- 1645. You're a chef.
- 1646. Your single purpose on this Earth
is to serve people food
- 1647. that they might actually like,
and you have failed.
- 1648. You've failed.
- 1649. And you've bored me.
- 1650. And the worst part is
I'm still fucking hungry.
- 1651. You're... You're still hungry?
- 1652. Yes, I am.
- 1653. How hungry?
- 1654. Starved.
- 1655. Well, what are you hungry for?
- 1656. What do you have?
- 1657. Everything.
- 1658. - You know what I'd really like?
- Tell me.
- 1659. A cheeseburger.
- 1660. Yeah, we can do a cheeseburger.
- 1661. A real cheeseburger.
- 1662. Not some fancy,
deconstructed avant bullshit.
- 1663. A real cheeseburger.
- 1664. Well, I'll make you a very good,
very traditional cheeseburger.
- 1665. I don't think you can.
- 1666. I'll make you feel as if you're eating
the first cheeseburger you ever ate.
- 1667. The cheap one your parents
could barely afford.
- 1668. - Show me.
- How do you like it?
- 1669. Medium. American cheese.
- 1670. American cheese is the best cheese
for a cheeseburger,
- 1671. because it melts without splitting.
- 1672. How much will that set me back?
- 1673. $9.95.
- 1674. That come with fries?
- 1675. - Niels.
- Yes, Chef?
- 1676. - Is the fryer still on?
- Yes, Chef.
- 1677. Crinkle-cut or julienne?
- 1678. Hmm.
- 1679. Mmm.
- 1680. Now that...
- 1681. is a cheeseburger.
- 1682. Yeah.
- 1683. That is a cheeseburger.
- 1684. Unfortunately, I think my eyes
were a little bigger than my stomach.
- 1685. Well, I understand.
- 1686. Can I get the rest to go?
- 1687. One moment, please.
- 1688. One cheeseburger to go.
- 1689. And a gift bag.
- 1690. Thank you for dining at Hawthorn.
- 1691. Thank you...
- 1692. for, um...
- 1693. For everything.
- 1694. Before our final course,
there is the matter of the bill.
- 1695. We're on a no-tip system,
so gratuity is included.
- 1696. And please enjoy your gift bags.
- 1697. Um... Some goodies in there.
- 1698. A booklet of our local suppliers,
- 1699. some house-made granola,
- 1700. one of Doug Verrick's fingers,
and a copy of tonight's menu.
- 1701. Oh! No, no.
- 1702. It's on the magazine.
- 1703. I told you you weren't leaving.
- 1704. So, once again,
thank you for dining with us tonight.
- 1705. You represent the ruin of my art
- 1706. and my life,
- 1707. and now you get to be a part of it.
- 1708. A part of what I hope is my masterpiece.
- 1709. And now, our final dessert course
- 1710. is a playful twist
on a comfort food classic.
- 1711. The s'more.
- 1712. The most offensive assault
on the human palate ever contrived.
- 1713. Unethically sourced chocolate
and gelatinized sugar water
- 1714. imprisoned by industrial-grade
- 1715. It's everything wrong with us,
and yet we associate it with innocence.
- 1716. With childhood.
- 1717. Mom and Dad.
- 1718. But what transforms
this fucking monstrosity is fire.
- 1719. Oh, God.
- 1720. The purifying flame.
- 1721. It nourishes us, warms us,
- 1722. re-invents us, forges and destroys us.
- 1723. We must embrace the flame.
- 1724. Jesus fucking Christ! Please.
- 1725. We must be cleansed.
- 1726. Made clean.
- 1727. Like martyrs
- 1728. or heretics.
- 1729. - We can be subsumed...
- 1730. and made anew.
- 1731. Thank you.
- 1732. I love you all!
- 1733. We love you, Chef!