1. Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.Copy !req
2. I told you to stay off the boardwalk.Copy !req
3. Okay, boys, let's go.Copy !req
4. You, too, off the boardwalk.Copy !req
5. Keep going.Copy !req
6. Hey, I liked that song.Copy !req
7. Keep going, Mom.Copy !req
8. - How about this?
- Hang on.Copy !req
9. I don't see any bogeymen or nasty guys.Copy !req
10. Keep going. You want to switch the band?Copy !req
11. - Keep going!
- Wait. That's from my era!Copy !req
12. We're almost there.Copy !req
13. What's that smell?Copy !req
14. That's the ocean air.Copy !req
15. Smells like someone died.Copy !req
16. Guys, I know the last year
hasn't been easy, but...Copy !req
17. I think you're really going to like
living in Santa Carla.Copy !req
18. There's an amusement park
right on the beach.Copy !req
19. Sam, tell those kids
to get something to eat.Copy !req
20. Any jobs around here?Copy !req
21. Nothing legal.Copy !req
22. Come on, Nanook.Copy !req
23. Dad?Copy !req
24. Dad?Copy !req
25. Looks like he's dead.Copy !req
26. No, he's just a deep sleeper.Copy !req
27. If he's dead, can we go back to Phoenix?Copy !req
28. Playing dead...Copy !req
29. and from what I heard,
doing a damn good job of it, too.Copy !req
30. This is a pretty cool place.Copy !req
31. For The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.Copy !req
32. Come on, Sam, give Mom a break.Copy !req
33. What's wrong with this picture?Copy !req
34. There's no TV. Have you seen a TV?
I haven't seen a TV.Copy !req
35. You know what it means
when there's no TV? No MTV.Copy !req
36. Sammy, we are flat broke.Copy !req
37. Lucy, you're the only woman I ever knew...Copy !req
38. who didn't improve her situation
by getting divorced.Copy !req
39. I know.Copy !req
40. But a big legal war wasn't going
to improve anybody's situation.Copy !req
41. We've all been through enough.Copy !req
42. Anyway, I was raised better than that.Copy !req
43. Ouch, my hair.Copy !req
44. Mom, you gotta help me.Copy !req
45. Hey, guys, no running in the house!Copy !req
46. Talk about The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.Copy !req
47. Rules!Copy !req
48. We've got some rules around here.Copy !req
49. Second shelf is mine.Copy !req
50. That's where I keep my root beers
and my double-thick Oreo cookies.Copy !req
51. Nobody touches the second shelf, but me.Copy !req
52. There's another rule around here,
and I want you to pay close attention.Copy !req
53. Don't touch anything.Copy !req
54. Everything is exactly where I want it.Copy !req
55. Grandpa...Copy !req
56. is it true that Santa Carla's
the murder capital of the world?Copy !req
57. There are some bad elements around here.Copy !req
58. Wait, let me get this straight.Copy !req
59. You're telling me we've moved
to the murder capital of the world?Copy !req
60. Are you serious, Grandpa?Copy !req
61. Well, let me put it this way.Copy !req
62. If all the corpses buried around here
were to stand up all at once...Copy !req
63. we'd have one hell
of a population problem.Copy !req
64. Great, Dad.Copy !req
65. Now, on Wednesdays...Copy !req
66. when the mailman brings the TV Guide...Copy !req
67. sometimes the address label
is curled up just a little.Copy !req
68. You'll be tempted to tear it off. Don't.Copy !req
69. You'll only wind up rippin' the cover
and I don't like that.Copy !req
70. And stay outta here.Copy !req
71. - You have a TV?
- No.Copy !req
72. I just like to read the TV Guide.Copy !req
73. If you read the TV Guide,
you don't need a TV.Copy !req
74. I can't find my mom.Copy !req
75. What's the matter?Copy !req
76. Are you lost?Copy !req
77. Let's ask in here.Copy !req
78. Excuse me, I wonder if you could help us.Copy !req
79. This boy is lost and we're wondering
if his mother might be in here.Copy !req
80. I don't really know.Copy !req
81. I was so worried!Copy !req
82. Don't run off like that.Copy !req
83. There you are.Copy !req
84. Thank you.Copy !req
85. Bye, Terry.Copy !req
86. We only come here to watch one thing.Copy !req
87. Well done.Copy !req
88. No, thanks.Copy !req
89. Well, on second thought...Copy !req
90. I told you not to come in here anymore.Copy !req
91. Wild kids.Copy !req
92. Oh, they're just young.
We were that age, too, once.Copy !req
93. Only they dress better. Bye-bye.Copy !req
94. You have a generous nature.
I like that in a person.Copy !req
95. - My name is Max.
- I'm Lucy.Copy !req
96. - That's my dog, Thorn.
- Hi, Thorn.Copy !req
97. Say "hello," Thorn.Copy !req
98. So how may I help you this evening?Copy !req
99. We have it all.Copy !req
100. The best selection of video tapes
in Santa Carla.Copy !req
101. No, I'm not looking for a tape.Copy !req
102. What I need is...Copy !req
103. A job?Copy !req
104. a job.Copy !req
105. Yeah. I look that needy, huh?Copy !req
106. - Where are we going?
- Nowhere.Copy !req
107. So what's the rush?Copy !req
108. You're chasing that girl, aren't you?Copy !req
109. Come on, admit it. You're chasing her.Copy !req
110. I'm at the mercy of your sex glands.Copy !req
111. Don't you have something better to do
than follow me around all night?Copy !req
112. Actually, I do.Copy !req
113. Got a problem guys?Copy !req
114. Just scoping your civilian wardrobe.Copy !req
115. Pretty cool, huh?Copy !req
116. For a fashion victim.Copy !req
117. If you're looking for
the diet frozen-yogurt bar...Copy !req
118. it went out of business last summer.Copy !req
119. Actually, I'm looking for Batman, no. 14.Copy !req
120. That's a very serious book, man.Copy !req
121. Only five in existence.Copy !req
122. Four, actually.Copy !req
123. I'm always lookin' out for the other three.Copy !req
124. You can't put the Superman, no. 77
with the 200s.Copy !req
125. They haven't even discovered
red kryptonite yet.Copy !req
126. And you can't put the no. 98 with the 300s.Copy !req
127. Lori Lemaris hasn't even been introduced.Copy !req
128. Where the hell are you from? Krypton?Copy !req
129. Phoenix, actually.Copy !req
130. But, lucky me, we moved...Copy !req
131. here.Copy !req
132. Take this.Copy !req
133. I don't like horror comics.Copy !req
134. You'll like this one, Mr. Phoenix.Copy !req
135. It could save your life.Copy !req
136. Come on, she stiffed ya.Copy !req
137. - What was that?
- What was what?Copy !req
138. - I thought I heard something.
- Forget it.Copy !req
139. - How do you like that baby?
- It's a beauty.Copy !req
140. Come on, let's get in.Copy !req
141. Can I drive on the way back?Copy !req
142. Fat chance.
Nobody drives this baby, but me.Copy !req
143. We have to let it warm up a little.Copy !req
144. Hear that sound?
Just like a baby pussycat.Copy !req
145. Okay, let's go to town.Copy !req
146. Are we having fun, or what?Copy !req
147. I thought we were going to town.Copy !req
148. That's as close to town as I like to get.Copy !req
149. Total weirdo, man.Copy !req
150. Noticed anything unusual
about Santa Carla yet?Copy !req
151. No, it's a pretty cool place.Copy !req
152. - If you're a Martian.
- Or a vampire.Copy !req
153. Are you sniffing old newsprint
or something?Copy !req
154. You think you really know
what's happening here.Copy !req
155. Well, I'll tell you something.
You don't know shit, buddy.Copy !req
156. You think we just work in
a comic bookstore for our folks?Copy !req
157. Actually, I thought it was a bakery.Copy !req
158. This is just our cover.Copy !req
159. We're dedicated to a higher purpose.Copy !req
160. We're fighters for "Truth...Copy !req
161. "... Justice, and the American way."Copy !req
162. All right.Copy !req
163. Read this.Copy !req
164. I told you I don't like horror comics.Copy !req
165. Think of it more as a survival manual.Copy !req
166. There's our number on the back...Copy !req
167. and pray you never need to call us.Copy !req
168. I'll pray...Copy !req
169. I never need to call you.Copy !req
170. Sure.Copy !req
171. It look's great. Definitely. Enjoy it.Copy !req
172. Thanks.Copy !req
173. Excuse me.Copy !req
174. It won't hurt.Copy !req
175. It's a rip-off.Copy !req
176. Hi.Copy !req
177. If you want your ear pierced, I'll do it.Copy !req
178. What's your name?Copy !req
179. Star.Copy !req
180. Oh, your folks, too, huh?Copy !req
181. - What do you mean?
- Ex-hippies.Copy !req
182. I came this close to being called
Moon Beam or Moon Child.Copy !req
183. Or something like that.Copy !req
184. But Star's great. I like Star.Copy !req
185. Me, too.Copy !req
186. I'm Michael.Copy !req
187. Michael's great. I like Michael.Copy !req
188. Want to get something to eat?Copy !req
189. Okay.Copy !req
190. Where are you going, Star?Copy !req
191. For a ride. This is Michael.Copy !req
192. Let's go.Copy !req
193. Star?Copy !req
194. You know where Hudson's Bluff is,
overlooking the point?Copy !req
195. I can't beat your bike.Copy !req
196. You don't have to beat me, Michael.Copy !req
197. You just have to try and keep up.Copy !req
198. We're going for a ride.Copy !req
199. Come on!Copy !req
200. Come on, Michael!Copy !req
201. - What the hell are you doing?
- No!Copy !req
202. Just you! Come on!Copy !req
203. Just you!Copy !req
204. Come on, just you.Copy !req
205. How far are you willing to go, Michael?Copy !req
206. Hit the rock box, buddy.Copy !req
207. Not bad, huh?Copy !req
208. This was the hottest resort in Santa Carla
about 85 years ago.Copy !req
209. Too bad they built it on a fault.Copy !req
210. In 1906...Copy !req
211. when the big one hit San Francisco...Copy !req
212. the ground opened up,
and this place took a header...Copy !req
213. right into the crack.Copy !req
214. Now it's ours.Copy !req
215. So, check it out, Mikey.Copy !req
216. Marko...Copy !req
217. Food.Copy !req
218. That's what I love about this place.Copy !req
219. You ask, and then you get.Copy !req
220. Appetizer?Copy !req
221. You'll like it here, Michael.Copy !req
222. Ten o'clock. Lights out.Copy !req
223. Did you brush your teeth?Copy !req
224. Okay, 'night, sweetheart.Copy !req
225. Mom?Copy !req
226. Sorry.Copy !req
227. I can never sleep
with the closet door open, either.Copy !req
228. Not even a crack.Copy !req
229. Sam, this is a terrible thing to admit,
but I think that...Copy !req
230. one of the reasons
I divorced your father...Copy !req
231. was because he never believed
in the closet monster.Copy !req
232. Dad! Don't sneak up on people like that!Copy !req
233. Brought you somethin'
to dress up your room with, Sam.Copy !req
234. How do you like that?Copy !req
235. Thanks, Grandpa.Copy !req
236. Oh, Dad, really! You shouldn't have!Copy !req
237. Lots more where he came from.Copy !req
238. - Good night, Sam.
- Good night, Grandpa.Copy !req
239. Lights, Sam.Copy !req
240. As soon as I finish this comic, okay?Copy !req
241. You're history, buddy.Copy !req
242. Feeding time. Come and get it, boys.Copy !req
243. Chinese. Good choice.Copy !req
244. Over here, bud.Copy !req
245. Guests first.Copy !req
246. You don't like rice?Copy !req
247. Tell me, Michael, how could
a billion Chinese people be wrong?Copy !req
248. Come on.Copy !req
249. How are those maggots?Copy !req
250. Maggots, Michael.Copy !req
251. You're eating maggots.
How do they taste?Copy !req
252. Leave him alone.Copy !req
253. Sorry about that.Copy !req
254. No hard feelings, huh?Copy !req
255. Why don't you try some noodles?Copy !req
256. - They're worms.
- What do you mean, worms?Copy !req
257. Don't eat...Copy !req
258. They're only noodles, Michael.Copy !req
259. That's enough.Copy !req
260. Drink some of this, Michael.Copy !req
261. Be one of us.Copy !req
262. Don't! You don't have to, Michael.Copy !req
263. It's blood.Copy !req
264. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
265. Bravo!Copy !req
266. You were right, Marko.Copy !req
267. You're one of us, bud.Copy !req
268. Perfect timing.Copy !req
269. What's going on?Copy !req
270. Michael wants to know "what's going on."Copy !req
271. Marko?Copy !req
272. "What's going on?"Copy !req
273. I don't know.Copy !req
274. "What's going on," Paul?Copy !req
275. - Who wants to know?
- Michael wants to know.Copy !req
276. I think we should let Michael know
"what's going on."Copy !req
277. Marko...Copy !req
278. Good night, Michael.Copy !req
279. Bombs away.Copy !req
280. Bottoms up, man.Copy !req
281. Come with us, Michael.Copy !req
282. Michael Emerson...Copy !req
283. Come on down.Copy !req
284. Welcome aboard, Michael.Copy !req
285. Fun, huh?Copy !req
286. Hold on!Copy !req
287. Don't be scared, Michael!Copy !req
288. Michael, you're one of us. Let go!Copy !req
289. And do what?Copy !req
290. You are one of us, Michael.Copy !req
291. David!Copy !req
292. Mike, wake up.Copy !req
293. It's Mom.Copy !req
294. - Mom's home?
- No, on the phone.Copy !req
295. What time is it?Copy !req
296. It's two o'clock.Copy !req
297. Give me those sunglasses.Copy !req
298. You need sunglasses to talk on the phone?Copy !req
299. Are you freebasing?
Inquiring minds want to know.Copy !req
300. - Hello?
- Michael, are you still in bed?Copy !req
301. No. I'm up.Copy !req
302. Michael, would you do me a favor?Copy !req
303. Max asked me to go to dinner with him
after work tonight.Copy !req
304. Would you stay home with Sam?Copy !req
305. Sam is old enough to stay by himself.Copy !req
306. I don't need no babysitter, Mike.Copy !req
307. Michael, you come home
in the middle of the night...Copy !req
308. you sleep all day.Copy !req
309. I work all day. Sam is always alone.Copy !req
310. It's been a long time
since somebody's asked me out to dinner.Copy !req
311. I'd like to go.Copy !req
312. Okay?Copy !req
313. Okay, Mom.Copy !req
314. Thanks, it's a real favor.Copy !req
315. Bye-bye.Copy !req
316. Anything in here
that might pass for after-shave?Copy !req
317. How about some Windex, Grandpa?Copy !req
318. Yeah, let me try some of that.Copy !req
319. Have a big date tonight, Grandpa?Copy !req
320. I'm going to drop off some of
my handiwork to the "Widow" Johnson.Copy !req
321. What'd you stuff for her? Mr. Johnson?Copy !req
322. See you two guys later.Copy !req
323. That wasn't funny!Copy !req
324. I'm gonna make you a sandwich.Copy !req
325. Don't bother.Copy !req
326. Lose the earring, Michael.
It's not you. It's definitely not you.Copy !req
327. Piss off.Copy !req
328. All you do is give attitude lately.Copy !req
329. You've been watching too much Dynasty.Copy !req
330. Mike, don't open the door!Copy !req
331. What's going on, Mike?Copy !req
332. Go take your bath.Copy !req
333. Michael, are you there?Copy !req
334. Nanook?Copy !req
335. Michael, what happened?Copy !req
336. - Nanook...
- What about Nanook?Copy !req
337. What did you do to my dog, asshole?Copy !req
338. Nothing. I didn't hurt him.
He bit me. This is my blood.Copy !req
339. Why did he bite you, huh?Copy !req
340. What did you do to him?Copy !req
341. He was protecting you.Copy !req
342. Look at your reflection in the mirror.Copy !req
343. You're a creature of the night.Copy !req
344. Just like out of a comic book.Copy !req
345. You're a vampire, Michael!Copy !req
346. My own brother,
a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire!Copy !req
347. Wait till Mom finds out!Copy !req
348. Sammy, wait! Sam!Copy !req
349. - Stay back!
- Just let me talk...Copy !req
350. Wait a minute! Sam!Copy !req
351. Stay away from me, Mike!Copy !req
352. You did the right thing by calling us.Copy !req
353. Does your brother sleep a lot?Copy !req
354. Yeah, all day.Copy !req
355. Does the sunlight freak him out?Copy !req
356. He wears sunglasses in the house.Copy !req
357. Bad breath? Long fingernails?Copy !req
358. Yeah, his fingernails are a bit longer...Copy !req
359. He always had bad breath, though.Copy !req
360. He's a vampire all right.Copy !req
361. Here's what you do.Copy !req
362. Get yourself a good sharp stake...Copy !req
363. and drive it through his heart.Copy !req
364. I can't do that! He's my brother!Copy !req
365. Okay, we'll come over and do it for you.Copy !req
366. No!Copy !req
367. You better get yourself
a garlic T-shirt, buddy.Copy !req
368. Or it's your funeral.Copy !req
369. Hello.Copy !req
370. Sam, is everything all right?Copy !req
371. Mom, I think we have to have
a real long talk about something.Copy !req
372. Help!Copy !req
373. What's going on there?
Sam, I'm starting to get worried.Copy !req
374. What are you doing? Is that Michael?
Who's breathing like that?Copy !req
375. - We should stay calm.
- Calm? Calm about what?Copy !req
376. - Nothing, nothing.
- Who's making that noise?Copy !req
377. Mom, I can't talk on the phone.
It's about Michael.Copy !req
378. Don't listen to him, Mom.
He doesn't know what he's saying.Copy !req
379. Shut up!Copy !req
380. Mom! Help! He's coming to get me!Copy !req
381. Oh, my God!Copy !req
382. He'll kill me!Copy !req
383. Honey, I'm coming.Copy !req
384. Tell him to get away! No! Mom!Copy !req
385. Open up!Copy !req
386. Stay back!Copy !req
387. Sammy, help me! Open up!Copy !req
388. Help me!Copy !req
389. Sammy, open the window!Copy !req
390. Never! I knew it!Copy !req
391. I'm not!Copy !req
392. So what are you, the "flying nun"?Copy !req
393. I'm your brother, Sammy. Help me!Copy !req
394. Sammy, open up!Copy !req
395. Please?Copy !req
396. Please!Copy !req
397. Thanks.Copy !req
398. We've got to stick together, Sam.Copy !req
399. What about Mom?Copy !req
400. Just don't tell her anything.Copy !req
401. I don't know, Mike.
It's not like getting a "D" in school.Copy !req
402. We're gonna work this out.Copy !req
403. I'm gonna work this out. Trust me, okay?Copy !req
404. Sam, are you all right?Copy !req
405. You had me scared to death.Copy !req
406. I'm okay. I was reading a horror comic.Copy !req
407. I thought I saw someone on my window,
but I guess I got carried away.Copy !req
408. You got carried away by a comic book?Copy !req
409. It was a scary comic book, Mom.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
410. You know, I've just about had it
with the both of you.Copy !req
411. What is this mess?Copy !req
412. You spill milk on the kitchen floor
and don't even bother to clean it up?Copy !req
413. I didn't spill it.Copy !req
414. I can't believe you.
The refrigerator door's wide open!Copy !req
415. Are you trying to refrigerate
the whole neighborhood?Copy !req
416. You know, it's not fair.
I'd like to have a personal life, too.Copy !req
417. Where's Michael?Copy !req
418. He went to bed early.Copy !req
419. Mom? Can I sleep in here
with you tonight?Copy !req
420. In here? Are you sure you're all right?Copy !req
421. I'm fine. It was a real scary comic,
that's all.Copy !req
422. - Do you mind?
- No, I don't mind.Copy !req
423. Have you been eating pizza?Copy !req
424. No. Why?Copy !req
425. You smell like garlic.Copy !req
426. Who's there?Copy !req
427. Hello, Thorn.Copy !req
428. Is that you, Thorn, making all that noise?Copy !req
429. I'm over here, Michael.Copy !req
430. What's happening to me, Star?Copy !req
431. What's happening to me, Star?Copy !req
432. Oh, Michael!Copy !req
433. Michael, I can't tell you.
I don't know how to help you.Copy !req
434. What's happening?Copy !req
435. Hi.Copy !req
436. Aren't we friends anymore?Copy !req
437. Sure.Copy !req
438. Does that mean we are, or...?Copy !req
439. We are.Copy !req
440. Then let's act like friends.Copy !req
441. Let's talk.Copy !req
442. Michael, take off your glasses.Copy !req
443. Michael, look at me.Copy !req
444. If there's a girl...Copy !req
445. I'm tired, Mom.Copy !req
446. - We could talk about...
- I'm tired.Copy !req
447. We can talk about anything
you want to talk about.Copy !req
448. I have more serious things on my mind
than girls and school.Copy !req
449. Things I'm dealing with...Copy !req
450. Things I wouldn't understand?Copy !req
451. Looks like I wasn't the only one
who got lucky last night.Copy !req
452. Did you take care of everything, Michael?Copy !req
453. What's the wine for?Copy !req
454. My apology to Max for running out
on him last night.Copy !req
455. Which, young man, you should be making.Copy !req
456. I better bring this up to the house
or somebody's just gonna take it.Copy !req
457. All right, I'll be here.Copy !req
458. Hi, Thorn.Copy !req
459. Mom!Copy !req
460. Honey, get in the car! Get in the car!Copy !req
461. The dog chased my mom like the Hounds
of Hell from Vampires Everywhere.Copy !req
462. We've been aware of some very serious
vampire activity in town for a long time.Copy !req
463. Santa Carla has become a haven
for the undead.Copy !req
464. As a matter of fact,
we're almost certain that...Copy !req
465. ghouls and werewolves
occupy high positions at City Hall.Copy !req
466. Kill your brother. You'll feel better.Copy !req
467. Look, guys, my brother is not
a bloodsucker.Copy !req
468. It says here that
if you kill the head vampire...Copy !req
469. all half-vampires will return to normal.Copy !req
470. Guys, if my brother's a vampire,
believe me, he's only half.Copy !req
471. Does he know who the head vampire is?Copy !req
472. No, I don't think so.Copy !req
473. Then you'll have to kill him.Copy !req
474. And if you don't...Copy !req
475. we will.Copy !req
476. It all started when my mom
went to work at Max's video store.Copy !req
477. Max never comes in till after it's dark.Copy !req
478. The dog who chased my mom
this morning was his.Copy !req
479. Listen to this: "Vampires require
a daytime protector, a guardian...Copy !req
480. "... to watch over them as they sleep.Copy !req
481. "Fierce dogs, the Hounds of Hell,
are often employed for this purpose."Copy !req
482. What happens if my mom is dating
the head vampire?Copy !req
483. You could nail him and save Santa Carla.Copy !req
484. "Truth, Justice,
the American way" triumphs.Copy !req
485. Thanks to you two.Copy !req
486. We'll check out Max.Copy !req
487. Smells good. When do we eat?Copy !req
488. I told Max eight o'clock.Copy !req
489. Max?Copy !req
490. Are we going to have company again?Copy !req
491. Again?Copy !req
492. You haven't had company in this house
since Mom died eight years ago.Copy !req
493. Right. Now we're gonna
have company again.Copy !req
494. Michael, Max is coming to dinner.
I'd like you to meet him.Copy !req
495. I can't. I have plans.Copy !req
496. Michael...Copy !req
497. Things will change around this house
when school starts.Copy !req
498. How you doing?
You must be Michael, right?Copy !req
499. And you must be Max.Copy !req
500. Well, you're the man of the house...Copy !req
501. and I'm not coming in until you invite me.Copy !req
502. You're invited.Copy !req
503. Thanks very much.Copy !req
504. Hello.Copy !req
505. Oh, hi. I didn't hear you come in.Copy !req
506. Is it okay for the guest to see the food
before dinner?Copy !req
507. You're thinking of the groom
not seeing the bride before the wedding.Copy !req
508. Oh, yeah. I always get those confused.Copy !req
509. Thorn sends his apologies.Copy !req
510. Tell him I'm walking again.Copy !req
511. He promises to behave if you come back.Copy !req
512. Mom?Copy !req
513. These are my dinner guests.Copy !req
514. Edgar and Alan. The Frog brothers.Copy !req
515. I didn't know you were having guests.Copy !req
516. If we'll be in your way, we can eat
some peanut butter in the kitchen.Copy !req
517. No, no, there's plenty for everybody.Copy !req
518. Max, this is my son, Sam,
and Edgar and Alan... Frog?Copy !req
519. Lucy, this looks terrific.Copy !req
520. Well, I hope it tastes good.Copy !req
521. Tastes wonderful.Copy !req
522. Boy! Somebody around here
has bad breath!Copy !req
523. Nanook, would you quit breathing on me!Copy !req
524. Nanook, get upstairs. Go on.Copy !req
525. You want some Parmesan cheese on that?Copy !req
526. Yeah, Sam. Thank you very much.Copy !req
527. Sam grated the cheese himself. My son.Copy !req
528. A budding chef in the family.Copy !req
529. Are you all right?Copy !req
530. It's not cheese, it's garlic.Copy !req
531. You hate garlic, don't you?Copy !req
532. No, I like garlic. It's just too much...Copy !req
533. It's raw garlic.Copy !req
534. Garlic? How did that happen?Copy !req
535. Guys, he likes garlic.Copy !req
536. Here. Quick, drink some water!Copy !req
537. Sam, what's the matter with you?Copy !req
538. Does it burn?Copy !req
539. Burn? Are you nuts?Copy !req
540. It's freezing!Copy !req
541. Look at your suit, Max. And your pants.Copy !req
542. Oh, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
543. Now what?Copy !req
544. Must be a circuit breaker.Copy !req
545. He's not glowing.Copy !req
546. I know. Hit the lights.Copy !req
547. Sam! What's gotten into you tonight?Copy !req
548. I think I know what's going on here.Copy !req
549. You do?Copy !req
550. Yeah.Copy !req
551. I know what you're thinking, Sam.
But you're wrong.Copy !req
552. - I am?
- Yeah.Copy !req
553. I'm not trying to replace your father...Copy !req
554. or steal your mother away from you.Copy !req
555. I would just like to be your friend.
That's all.Copy !req
556. Good night, Lucy.Copy !req
557. Thanks a lot!Copy !req
558. I'm sorry, Mom.Copy !req
559. Max, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
560. Major mistake.Copy !req
561. Our batting average isn't terrific, is it?
Zero for two.Copy !req
562. You were so sweet to him.Copy !req
563. I don't know what got into him.
He's not like that.Copy !req
564. Kids Sam's age need discipline,
otherwise they run all over you.Copy !req
565. He doesn't run over me.Copy !req
566. Protecting mother.Copy !req
567. Let's try it once more.Copy !req
568. Dinner, my house, tomorrow night.Copy !req
569. - I'm cooking.
- Okay.Copy !req
570. Where is she?Copy !req
571. Take it easy, Michael.Copy !req
572. Where's Star, David?Copy !req
573. If you ever want to see Star again...Copy !req
574. you better come with us now.Copy !req
575. Michael, over here.Copy !req
576. You don't want to miss this.Copy !req
577. Initiation's over, Michael.Copy !req
578. Time to join the club.Copy !req
579. Now you know what we are.Copy !req
580. Now you know what you are.Copy !req
581. You'll never grow old, Michael.Copy !req
582. And you'll never die.Copy !req
583. But you must feed.Copy !req
584. I wish Grandpa would stop giving me
these stupid things.Copy !req
585. I know who I am now, Sam.Copy !req
586. Don't kill me, Mike!Copy !req
587. I'm basically a good kid, so don't kill me!Copy !req
588. I can help you.Copy !req
589. Just tell me who the head vampire is.Copy !req
590. I thought it was Max, but I was wrong.Copy !req
591. Just work with me and I can help you.
You'll be okay.Copy !req
592. Michael!Copy !req
593. Michael!Copy !req
594. It's that girl from the boardwalk.
Is she one of them?Copy !req
595. - I have to talk to you. Can I come up?
- No!Copy !req
596. You shut the window and lock your door.Copy !req
597. She's one of them!Copy !req
598. And don't tell me it doesn't make her
a bad person, Mike!Copy !req
599. You know where David took me tonight,
don't you, Star?Copy !req
600. Who's David?Copy !req
601. Yes, and it's my fault.Copy !req
602. If you hadn't met me,
if I hadn't liked you...Copy !req
603. I tried to warn you.Copy !req
604. It was that night in the cave, wasn't it?Copy !req
605. That wasn't wine they gave me to drink.
It was blood.Copy !req
606. That was David's blood.Copy !req
607. You drank someone's blood?
Are you crazy?Copy !req
608. I'm just like David now, Star.Copy !req
609. No, you're not. You're like Laddie and me.Copy !req
610. - We're not one of them...
- Until you make your first kill!Copy !req
611. Why didn't you kill me last night?Copy !req
612. You were supposed to be my first.Copy !req
613. That's what David wanted.Copy !req
614. But I couldn't, Michael.Copy !req
615. Why?Copy !req
616. Because you care so much about me?Copy !req
617. Yes, I do.Copy !req
618. What are you doing here?
What do you want from me?Copy !req
619. I wanted to tell you
that it's not too late for you.Copy !req
620. But for me it gets
harder and harder to resist.Copy !req
621. I'm weak.Copy !req
622. Why did you come here tonight, Star?Copy !req
623. I was hoping you would help
Laddie and me.Copy !req
624. Star!Copy !req
625. Don't kill anybody until we get back to you.Copy !req
626. What are you doing?Copy !req
627. I've got connections.Copy !req
628. Okay. Where's Nosferatu?Copy !req
629. - Who?
- The Prince of Darkness.Copy !req
630. The night crawler. The bloodsucker.Copy !req
631. El Vampiro.Copy !req
632. Mike, they're here!Copy !req
633. Grandpa, okay if we borrow the car?Copy !req
634. Weapons check.Copy !req
635. I don't want you going down there.Copy !req
636. I'm going.Copy !req
637. Look, this isn't a comic book, Sammy.
These guys are brutal killers.Copy !req
638. So are the Frog brothers.Copy !req
639. Check me.Copy !req
640. Who'd you rather have go down there
with you? Them or me?Copy !req
641. If something happens down there,
I won't have the strength to protect you.Copy !req
642. This time I'll protect you.Copy !req
643. Even though you're a vampire,
you're still my brother.Copy !req
644. Listen, just so you know: If you try
to stop us, or vamp-out in any way...Copy !req
645. I'll stake you without even
thinking twice about it.Copy !req
646. Chill out, Edgar.Copy !req
647. Where did you say you met these guys?Copy !req
648. Holy shit!Copy !req
649. Vampire hotel!Copy !req
650. Here's one. Let's stake her!Copy !req
651. Don't you touch her!Copy !req
652. Stay away from her!Copy !req
653. Come on, vampires have
such rotten tempers.Copy !req
654. The rest of them have got to
be here someplace. We'll find 'em.Copy !req
655. Star?Copy !req
656. - I'm taking you out of here.
- No, take Laddie first.Copy !req
657. Please?Copy !req
658. I feel a draft.
I think there's something up here.Copy !req
659. - Let's check it out, Sam.
- Come on.Copy !req
660. I'll be right back, Mike.Copy !req
661. I hope.Copy !req
662. Come on, Sam, let's go.Copy !req
663. Move out! Move!Copy !req
664. Flies!Copy !req
665. We're on the right trail.Copy !req
666. Flies and the undead go together,
like bullets and guns.Copy !req
667. Come on!Copy !req
668. What's that smell?Copy !req
669. Vampires, my friend. Vampires.Copy !req
670. It's freezing in here.Copy !req
671. It looks like a dead end. Let's head back.Copy !req
672. They must have hidden their coffins
here someplace.Copy !req
673. There's nothing here. Let's go, guys.Copy !req
674. Jesus!Copy !req
675. I thought they'd be in coffins.Copy !req
676. That's what this cave is.Copy !req
677. It's one giant coffin.Copy !req
678. Right now they're at their most vulnerable.Copy !req
679. Easy pickings.Copy !req
680. Remember, you just have to kill the leader.Copy !req
681. We don't know which one he is.Copy !req
682. I guess we'll just have to kill them all.Copy !req
683. Let's start with the little one.
First come, first staked.Copy !req
684. What was that, a little vampire humor?Copy !req
685. It wasn't funny.Copy !req
686. No!Copy !req
687. Good night, bloodsucker!Copy !req
688. You're dead meat!Copy !req
689. Get him into the sunlight!Copy !req
690. Tonight...Copy !req
691. Mike! Start the car!Copy !req
692. - We blew it, man! We lost it!
- Shut up!Copy !req
693. - We unraveled in the face of the enemy!
- It's not our fault.Copy !req
694. They pulled a mind-scramble on us!
They opened their eyes and talked!Copy !req
695. I'll drive.Copy !req
696. We don't ride with vampires.Copy !req
697. Fine. Stay here.Copy !req
698. - We do now.
- Yeah.Copy !req
699. Come on! Sam, let's get out of here!Copy !req
700. Burn rubber!Copy !req
701. "Burn rubber" does not mean warp speed!Copy !req
702. Cool it, Nanook!Copy !req
703. Your dog knows a flesh-eater
when he smells one.Copy !req
704. Take him outside, Sam.Copy !req
705. Come on, Nanook.Copy !req
706. Michael.Copy !req
707. Do you know the rule
about filling up the car with gas...Copy !req
708. when you take it without asking?Copy !req
709. No, Grandpa.Copy !req
710. Now you do.Copy !req
711. We definitely blew Plan A.Copy !req
712. Time to activate Plan B.Copy !req
713. - What's Plan B?
- We don't have one yet.Copy !req
714. We have two and a half hours
to come up with one.Copy !req
715. What happens then?Copy !req
716. The sun goes down.
They'll be looking for us.Copy !req
717. Sam, what are you doing here?Copy !req
718. I've got to tell you something.
It's real important.Copy !req
719. Santa Carla is crawling with vampires.Copy !req
720. Mom, I'm serious!Copy !req
721. Edgar staked one of them.
It was screaming and fizzing!Copy !req
722. Look, there's evidence on my sweater!Copy !req
723. Mom, you've got to tell someone!Copy !req
724. - You've got to tell someone!
- This isn't funny!Copy !req
725. I'm not kidding! They're coming
to the house when it gets dark!Copy !req
726. Stop it! Right now! Stop it!Copy !req
727. - But, Mom...
- Not another word!Copy !req
728. I don't believe you're doing this.Copy !req
729. I want to see Max tonight,
and you're trying to ruin it for me.Copy !req
730. No, I'm not.Copy !req
731. There's nothing wrong with Max.
I don't know why you don't want me...Copy !req
732. I'm not talking about Max!
To hell with Max!Copy !req
733. I'll deal with you later, young man!Copy !req
734. Guys, we're on our own.Copy !req
735. Good. That's just the way we like it.Copy !req
736. Widow Johnson called.
Said to pick her up at seven, not eight.Copy !req
737. We've got a date tonight?Copy !req
738. I guess so. She said not to be late.Copy !req
739. I better get cleaned up, then.Copy !req
740. Die, Mr. Vampire!Copy !req
741. They'll be coming for Laddie and me,
won't they?Copy !req
742. They'll be coming for all of us.Copy !req
743. Laddie, wake up.Copy !req
744. - Oh, it's delicious.
- Thank you.Copy !req
745. Thorn, stop that!Copy !req
746. What's the matter, Lucy?Copy !req
747. It's just old memories coming back.Copy !req
748. No, seriously.
Why are you so jumpy tonight?Copy !req
749. Well, it's something Sam...Copy !req
750. He came into the store...Copy !req
751. It was just a kid's imagination,
I'm sure, but...Copy !req
752. he seemed so sincere, but...Copy !req
753. It's insane.Copy !req
754. Tell me. I promise not to laugh.Copy !req
755. Honest.Copy !req
756. I think I should warn you all:Copy !req
757. When a vampire dies,
it's never a pretty sight.Copy !req
758. No two bloodsuckers go out the same way.Copy !req
759. Some yell and scream. Some go quietly.Copy !req
760. Some explode. Some implode.Copy !req
761. But all will try to take you with them.Copy !req
762. Nanook! I left him outside.Copy !req
763. Don't go out there! Stop him!Copy !req
764. - Sam, come back!
- No way!Copy !req
765. Michael, they're coming!Copy !req
766. They're coming!Copy !req
767. Hurry up, man!Copy !req
768. Take them upstairs!Copy !req
769. - I say we terminate them right now.
- Laddie, run!Copy !req
770. You're mine.Copy !req
771. You killed Marko.Copy !req
772. Yeah. You're next.Copy !req
773. No. You're next.Copy !req
774. Garlic don't work, boys.Copy !req
775. Try the holy water, death breath!Copy !req
776. Mike, wake up.Copy !req
777. You missed, sucker.Copy !req
778. Only once, pal.Copy !req
779. Death by stereo.Copy !req
780. Hey, it's me.Copy !req
781. Are you okay?Copy !req
782. I nailed one of them downstairs
with a bow and arrow.Copy !req
783. We trashed the one
that looked like Twisted Sister.Copy !req
784. We totally annihilated
his night stalkin' ass!Copy !req
785. And Nanook helped a little.Copy !req
786. Death to all vampires!Copy !req
787. Maximum body count.Copy !req
788. We are awesome monster bashers!Copy !req
789. The meanest!Copy !req
790. The baddest!Copy !req
791. Holy shit!Copy !req
792. The attack of Eddie Munster! Get him!Copy !req
793. Stop! Get away from him!
Just stay away from him!Copy !req
794. He's just a little boy!Copy !req
795. You're afraid to face me, David?Copy !req
796. I tried to make you immortal.Copy !req
797. You tried to make me a killer!Copy !req
798. You are a killer.Copy !req
799. My turn.Copy !req
800. Stop fighting me, Michael.
I don't want to kill you.Copy !req
801. Join us.Copy !req
802. Never!Copy !req
803. It's too late. My blood is in your veins.Copy !req
804. So is mine!Copy !req
805. Don't let them see me like this.Copy !req
806. Get away, Sam.Copy !req
807. - Michael, what's wrong?
- I said, get away!Copy !req
808. What's the big deal?
You destroyed the head vampire.Copy !req
809. It's all over.Copy !req
810. Nothing's changed.Copy !req
811. He's right. I don't feel any different.Copy !req
812. Then there's still one more.Copy !req
813. I'll handle Mom. Come on, go.Copy !req
814. Don't let her see the bodies.Copy !req
815. What happened?Copy !req
816. Where is Michael?Copy !req
817. What happened to your face?Copy !req
818. What happened to your face?Copy !req
819. I don't want to hear another word
from you until I talk to Michael.Copy !req
820. I'm sorry, Lucy.Copy !req
821. This is all my fault.Copy !req
822. David and my boys misbehaved.Copy !req
823. I told you, boys need a mother.Copy !req
824. Max, what are you talking about?Copy !req
825. I knew it! You're the head vampire!Copy !req
826. Sam, don't start this again.Copy !req
827. You're the secret
that David was protecting.Copy !req
828. Who's this?Copy !req
829. But you passed the test.Copy !req
830. Don't ever invite a vampire
into your house, you silly boy.Copy !req
831. It renders you powerless.Copy !req
832. Did you know that?Copy !req
833. Of course.Copy !req
834. Everyone knows that.Copy !req
835. Has everyone gone crazy?
What's the matter with all of you?Copy !req
836. It was you I was after, all along, Lucy.Copy !req
837. What?Copy !req
838. I knew...Copy !req
839. that if I could get Sam and Michael
into the family...Copy !req
840. there was no way you could say no.Copy !req
841. Where's Michael?Copy !req
842. It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy.Copy !req
843. Just like one big happy family.Copy !req
844. Your boys...Copy !req
845. and my boys.Copy !req
846. Great. "The Bloodsucking Brady Bunch."Copy !req
847. I still want you, Lucy.Copy !req
848. I haven't changed my mind about that.Copy !req
849. I didn't invite you this time, Max!Copy !req
850. Michael!Copy !req
851. Don't you touch my mother!Copy !req
852. Don't fight, Lucy.
It's so much better if you don't fight.Copy !req
853. Mom, don't!Copy !req
854. Don't do it, Mom! Mom, don't do it!Copy !req
855. - Are you okay?
- Yeah.Copy !req
856. It's over.Copy !req
857. Is everybody okay?Copy !req
858. Oh, my boys.Copy !req
859. How much do you think
we should charge them for this?Copy !req
860. Dad?Copy !req
861. Dad, are you all right?Copy !req
862. One thing about livin' in Santa Carla
I never could stomach...Copy !req
863. All the damn vampires.Copy !req
864. Subtitles conformed by SOFTITLERCopy !req
865. Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.Copy !req