1. What do we ask of our heroes?Copy !req
2. Why do we build them up...Copy !req
3. just to watch them fall?Copy !req
4. I tell you, these two sluggersCopy !req
5. are having a hell of a year.Copy !req
6. And it's gone!
McGwire caught hold of that one.Copy !req
7. Oh! Canseco one step closerCopy !req
8. to being the first player
to reach 40 home runs, 40 stolen bases.Copy !req
9. We charted a course for the sun.Copy !req
10. But we flew too close...Copy !req
11. and it burned our wings.Copy !req
12. Welcome back to Sports Chat.
I'm standing here with two fellasCopy !req
13. who are having a heck of a year,
the Bash Brothers.Copy !req
14. At this point, guys,
I think everyone knows who you are,Copy !req
15. but just in case,
why don't you introduce yourselves?Copy !req
16. Oh, okay. Well...Copy !req
17. And I'm Mark.Copy !req
18. And I'm Mark.Copy !req
19. And I'm Mark.Copy !req
20. My name is Mark McGwire.Copy !req
21. I play first base.Copy !req
22. Uh... Next question, please.Copy !req
23. Here's what I found on the webCopy !req
24. for, "What is the plural of Goliath?"Copy !req
25. Goliaths.Copy !req
26. Where do the animals go...Copy !req
27. when the soil has run dry?Copy !req
28. Where will we hide from the sun...Copy !req
29. when all the trees are dead?Copy !req
30. I see myself...Copy !req
31. everywhere but here.Copy !req
32. How about Tuesday at 3 p.m.?Copy !req
33. Tuesday works for me.Copy !req
34. Ugh! I can't wait
for this project to be over.Copy !req
35. Tell me about it.
I need to close three accounts by Friday.Copy !req
36. I've got a Bible of market research
to get through.Copy !req
37. I mean, what is this, War and Peace?Copy !req
38. Sounds like you ladies
could use a night off.Copy !req
39. Excuse me?Copy !req
40. I said, "Sounds like you ladies
could use a night off."Copy !req
41. Maybe you should let us help you relax.Copy !req
42. No, thanks. We don't date ball players.Copy !req
43. What, you think we're not sophisticated?Copy !req
44. We don't think it.
We know it.Copy !req
45. Well, if you ask me,
you shouldn't judge a book...Copy !req
46. - By its cover.
- By its cover.Copy !req
47. by its cover.Copy !req
48. - There.
- Okay.Copy !req
49. Come with us.Copy !req
50. We'll show you.Copy !req
51. And that's what it would be like.Copy !req
52. - Hard pass.
- Thank you for your consideration.Copy !req
53. This was fun.Copy !req
54. Oh, right on.Copy !req
55. So, can I call you?Copy !req
56. I told you. We don't date ball players.Copy !req
57. You guys really need to get rid
of all of this fake Asian shit.Copy !req
58. It's tacky.Copy !req
59. But I got it
from Steven Seagal's interior designer.Copy !req
60. Will we ever find love?Copy !req
61. Picture this.Copy !req
62. Picture this.Copy !req
63. I'm a sunflower,Copy !req
64. twisting to find the light.Copy !req
65. Bursts of gold and green.Copy !req
66. Picture this.Copy !req
67. Growing taller than imagined possible.Copy !req
68. Picture this.Copy !req
69. Picture this.Copy !req
70. Whoa, this IHOP is going off.Copy !req
71. It sure is. Look at all of those people
in the parking lot.Copy !req
72. Hey, Mark, check out those guys.Copy !req
73. Who, us?Copy !req
74. Hey! Watch it!Copy !req
75. Okay.Copy !req
76. Alright!Copy !req
77. Whoa!Copy !req
78. Sorry.Copy !req
79. We are.Copy !req
80. Phrased weird.Copy !req
81. Okay.Copy !req
82. - We are.
- We are!Copy !req
83. - It's too much.
- Stop!Copy !req
84. - Help! Help!
- I want to stop.Copy !req
85. - Mark!
- José!Copy !req
86. Mark!Copy !req
87. José!Copy !req
88. Mark!Copy !req
89. José!Copy !req
90. Wow! It sounds like
being famous is really hard.Copy !req
91. Yeah, it is.Copy !req
92. Also, would you mind
shaking your butts for the camera?Copy !req
93. See?Copy !req
94. That's what we're talking about.Copy !req
95. I looked at my reflection...Copy !req
96. and everything's backwards.Copy !req
97. I dipped my hand in the lake
to touch it...Copy !req
98. and it was gone.Copy !req
99. José, heard you went on a pretty hot date
the other night.Copy !req
100. Care to tell us about it?Copy !req
101. Hey, come on.
You guys know I don't kiss and tell.Copy !req
102. Instead of giving a high-five,
we'd bash our forearms together.Copy !req
103. Biceps...Copy !req
104. Wow! The World Series.Copy !req
105. It's 1988, and the season went well.Copy !req
106. I'm at the height of my career...Copy !req
107. So why do I feel sad?Copy !req
108. Mark, it's your mother.Copy !req
109. High fly ball into right field.Copy !req
110. She is gone.Copy !req
111. In a year that has been so improbable,
the impossible has happened.Copy !req
112. What do we ask of our heroes?Copy !req
113. Where do we put them...Copy !req
114. when they fall back to Earth...Copy !req
115. now mere mortals?Copy !req
116. How do we find a path back to light...Copy !req
117. when all is cast in shadow?Copy !req
118. José Canseco is facing questions
about steroids and baseball.Copy !req
119. He ratted out a friend.Copy !req
120. Mark McGwire said it is too lateCopy !req
121. to reconcile with his old Bash Brother.Copy !req
122. Can a man be remade?Copy !req
123. Can a legacy...Copy !req
124. be reborn?Copy !req
125. Fuck it.Copy !req
126. Let's bash.Copy !req
127. "Get well soon. Love, José."Copy !req
128. - Sorry about your arm, Walt Weiss.
- It happens.Copy !req
129. Wait. Hold up. Hold up.Copy !req
130. You motherfuckers thought you were done?Copy !req
131. Not by a long shot.Copy !req
132. - Hit it!Copy !req
133. Hear ye! Hear ye!Copy !req
134. I'm Joe Montana.Copy !req
135. When it comes to football,
I'm a bad mama jama.Copy !req
136. The 49ers is my team of choice.Copy !req
137. I love chucking the pigskin
to Gerald Rice.Copy !req
138. My Super Bowl rings
speak for themselves,Copy !req
139. and there's dozens of trophies
all over my shelves.Copy !req
140. I'm tired now,
but that won't stop meCopy !req
141. from going out this eveningCopy !req
142. and crushing 'tang.Copy !req