1. Go get 'em, Petey!
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2. Petey! What's up, pup?
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3. — Get it, Stymie, get it!
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4. Hey, where's your mitt?
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5. Don't worry about it.
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6. All right! Good catch!
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7. Hello, Petey.
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8. Be back later, Mom!
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9. - Got anything, Porky? - Not a bite, Buckwheat.
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10. Hmm.
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11. - I got something! I got something! - Me too! A big fat one!
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12. Whoa!
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13. Whoo!
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14. Whoa!
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15. Whoa!
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16. Yo, Petey, come here!
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17. - Thanks, Petey! - Whoa!
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18. Hey, Porky, look! A note.
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19. What's it say?
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20. We gotta learn to read.
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21. You're okay.
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22. You're okay. You're all right.
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23. Go on in. You're okay.
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24. Go on in. What's the "high" sign?
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25. Go on in.
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26. You're okay. Wrong sign, Porky.
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27. Okay, go on in.
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28. — You're okay, Elmer.
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29. You little creep.
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30. Sit down!
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31. Gentlemen and gentlemen, I give you our president, Spanky.
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32. Hi, Spanky!
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33. How's it goin', Spanky?
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34. Nice to see ya, Spanky.
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35. Hey, Spanky, what's up? How are ya?
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36. Good to see ya.
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37. Your fly's undone.
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38. Welcome! All right, Spanky!
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39. Hey, Spanky! All raise your right hand.
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40. Your other right hand.
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41. - I, - I,
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42. Stymie, Stymie,
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43. member in good standing of the He-Man Woman-Haters Club,
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44. member in good standing of the He-Man...
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45. Woman-Haters Club,
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46. do solemnly swear to be a He-Man and hate women and not play with them...
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47. or talk to them unless I have to, and especially never fall in love.
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48. If I do, may I die slowly and painfully and suffer for hours...
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49. or until I scream bloody murder.
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50. - do solemnly swear to be a He-Man... -
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51. You thinkin' what I'm thinkin', Woim?
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52. Yeah, Butch.
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53. What are we thinkin'?
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54. How much fun it's gonna be to stomp those guys in the race.
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55. painfully... and suffer for hours...
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56. bloody murder!
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57. - Ready to take down the minutes, Uh-huh? - Uh-huh.
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58. As you know, today I called...
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59. an emergency meeting for a very important reason.
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60. But first, any good stories?
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61. - Me! - Buckwheat.
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62. Yeah! This morning my sister left the toilet seat down. Eww!
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63. - Women make men miserable. - Froggy.
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64. - Yeah, there's this girl who moved in across the street, - Eww!
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65. - and she came over 'cause she wanted to play. - Eww!
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66. - But don't worry, I got back at her. - What'd you do?
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67. What'd you do? — I whipped out my lizard.
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68. Hmmph!
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69. Yea!
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70. Good job, Frogman.
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71. - Are you gettin' this, Uh-Huh? - Uh-huh.
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72. All right, men, let's talk about the pride of our club, the Blur.
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73. The Blur has never been beaten,
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74. since the beginning of time, five years.
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75. This Sunday, we defend our honor,
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76. our undefeated streak and our trophy.
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77. Best of all, this year's trophy...
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78. will be presented by none other than the famous...
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79. Indy race car driver...
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80. A.J. Ferguson.
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81. Wow! He's the best driver in the whole world!
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82. Men, can I have an "Azuga"? Azuga!
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83. Azuga! Azuga! Azuga! Azuga!
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84. - Hey, nice "Azuga's. -
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85. And now the reason for the emergency meeting:
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86. the choosing of the driver!
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87. Yea!
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88. Our driver should be a man who's all He-Man.
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89. A He-Man so manly...
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90. that if he fell off a building, he'd go out of his way to land on a girl.
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91. — Gentlemen, this year...
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92. our driver's name is...
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93. — none other than my lifelong chum,
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94. - my best buddy in the whole wide world, -
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95. the one and only Alfalfa!
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96. - Yea! - Otay! -
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97. Say... where the heck is Alfalfa?
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98. There he is, you guys! Come on! He's with a girl.
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99. Quiet, Petey.
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100. They're together. Oh, no!
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101. This is awful.
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102. Buckwheat, hand me your fishin' pole.
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103. Oh, Darla, we're two hearts with but one beat.
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104. Two brains with but one thought.
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105. Two souls with but one...
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106. shoe.
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107. Then how can you belong to that silly Woman-Haters Club?
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108. You know, I'm a woman.
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109. Sort of. Let me tell ya something, Darla.
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110. I'm not like those guys.
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111. I'm a sensitive male.
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112. Eww! I'm into sharing, caring,
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113. feeling and healing.
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114. I'm in touch with my feminine side. How nice.
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115. It's worse than I thought.
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116. You know, the big talent show at the fair is coming up,
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117. and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to sing with me.
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118. You mean it? I'd be honored.
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119. Hey, I've got an idea. Let me take you on a picnic tomorrow.
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120. - Excuse me? - The way you feed my soul,
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121. I can...
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122. feed your face.
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123. Cool! And to prove you're proud of me,
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124. why don't we have our picnic in your clubhouse?
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125. No!
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126. Tomorrow? Tomorrow?
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127. Swimming day. Sure!
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128. Oh, Alfalfa!
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129. - You're a sweetie poo! - Blech!
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130. All right, Woim, ready for the test run? Ready, Butch!
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131. Look! There goes our bumper!
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132. All this work for nothing.
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133. Everything's workin' out perfectly.
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134. The guys are at the swimming hole, and I'm at home with a toothache.
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135. Nothing can possibly go wrong.
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136. - Hiya, Butch. - Shut up!
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137. When's the last time we beat you up?
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138. Let's see. Today's the 10th.
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139. Thirty days hath September, April, June and November.
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140. It's not a leap year.
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141. - Y-Yesterday. - You're due!
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142. Look!
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143. I don't see nothin'! Come on, you doink!
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144. Let's go! He can't run very fast.
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145. Come back here, you ugly little squid! No!
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146. Oh! Oh! Oh!
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147. Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
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148. Whoa!
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149. Aah! Help! Whoa!
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150. Yech!
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151. I've come a-courtin'.
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152. — These are for you.
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153. — Fifi!
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154. Good doggie.
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155. I hope Fifi didn't startle you. She's so playful.
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156. Forgive my effrontery,
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157. but you, Miss, are a rare rose in a garden of weeds.
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158. You have the sophistication of a woman of 12.
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159. My name is Waldo Aloysius Johnston III.
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160. - I'm Alfalfa! - Yes, I'm sure you are.
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161. - And I'm Darla. - We just moved into town.
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162. My father bought the oil refinery.
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163. - That explains why you're so refined. - Yeah, and so oily!
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164. Watch it, bud.
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165. — I hope to see you again soon.
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166. That could be arranged. I'll be appearing in the talent show.
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167. Yeah, the two of us...
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168. will both be singing a duet... together.
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169. - How redundant. - Thank you.
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170. Well, I shall be going now.
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171. - Whoa! -
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172. What a hunk!
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173. He's smoother than a baby's bottom.
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174. And he smells better too!
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175. Oh, you're so nice for bringing me here.
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176. I can't see. Move over.
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177. A candlelit lunch! I'm dazzled.
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178. Excuse me.
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179. - I seem to have a little.. fahrvergnugen. -
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180. Uh... no problem.
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181. - Grape soda? - Yes, please.
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182. To us.
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183. Mmm.
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184. Ugh!
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185. Ugh. This tastes like somebody...
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186. poured it through a old boot.
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187. Actually, it's a sneaker.
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188. Must've been a bad year.
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189. Maybe we should strap on the old feed bag.
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190. Which sandwich did I bring? This one.
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191. Why don't we swap? What's yours is mine,
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192. and what's mine is ours.
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193. You know just what to say to take a girl's breath away.
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194. This'll take her breath away.
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195. Porky, you sure know how to make a "sand wich."
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196. That wasn't sand, that was kitty litter.
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197. Don't worry, it's pretty fresh.
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198. You made a delicious sandwich.
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199. - So did you. -
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200. Very crunchy.
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201. Maybe we should move on to...
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202. dessert.
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203. It's a surprise.
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204. It's beautiful!
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205. I had to eat six boxes of Cracker Jacks to find it.
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206. It's a symbol of my undying affliction for you.
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207. I love diamonds!
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208. I was wrong about you. You're not embarrassed by the woman you love.
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209. Darla,
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210. would you think me forward if I asked you for a...
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211. a big wet one?
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212. - What? - A kiss?
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213. Okay.
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214. Oh, man! Gross!
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215. I can't take it anymore. Get outta there!
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216. Open up!
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217. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Why, thank you, Alfalfa.
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218. Alfalfa, open this door!
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219. - Open up! - In my hurry to eat, I forgot to give you the tour.
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220. Here's the wall, here's the other wall and...
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221. here's our closet.
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222. - Have you lost your mind? - Do you wanna go in there?
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223. Just as I thought. You are ashamed of me. I'm not ashamed of you.
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224. I'm proud of you. I just don't want anybody to see you. Open up!
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225. Well, that does it, mister. I'm out of here! two,
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226. three!
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227. — It's about time.
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228. Hiya, guys! You're back early.
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229. How's the toothache, bub?
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230. Yeah! Dentist pulled my wisdom teeth.
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231. So that explains why you're acting so stupid.
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232. Well, we're going inside.
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233. No, you're not! It's such a nice day outside, isn't it?
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234. Nothin's going on in there.
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235. - Hey, what's that noise? - Whoa!
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236. Darla!
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237. — Fire! Fire!
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238. - You two, call the fire department. - Yes, sir!
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239. Ready! Fire!
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240. We're gonna need some more help. Get more people.
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241. Put some more in the bucket.
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242. Quick! What's the number for 9-1-1?
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243. How do I know?
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244. Let's go!
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245. If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.
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246. Here's the hose. Turn it on when I tell you. Uh-huh.
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247. Spanky, over here!
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248. Go! Go! Go!
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249. Go! Faster! Go even faster!
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250. Wow! That is fast.
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251. Hey, beat it, pal!
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252. Stymie, let 'er rip!
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253. Whoa!
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254. - Wow! - Whoa!
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255. — Whoa!
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256. Whoa!
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257. I'm never gonna speak to you as long as I live.
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258. Tell him when he comes to, guys.
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259. Good-bye! Excuse me!
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260. Hi, Darla. I thought that was you.
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261. How about a ride in my father's Bentley? Bye!
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262. And then, over a Belgian croissant,
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263. we might talk about performing in the talent show together.
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264. Sounds great! I had a hard day.
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265. The clubhouse is fried crispy.
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266. Our lives are over.
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267. And it's all your fault!
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268. That's right. It sure is.
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269. All rise for Judge Spanky.
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270. I think Spanky's gonna find him guilty.
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271. — How do you plead?
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272. Like this.
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273. Please, oh, please, have mercy, please!
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274. Hmm! Pretty good pleading.
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275. Hmmm. Would you like to make a statement?
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276. Just that...
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277. I never knew likin' a girl could lead to all this.
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278. - Mm-mm-mm. - I let my pals down, I let the club down...
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279. and I let my best friend down.
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280. Alfalfa Switzer, I hereby sentence you...
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281. to execution... at dawn!
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282. - Yes! - Uh-huh! -
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283. Your Honor, may I suggest...
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284. this court rules he be put on probation.
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285. As terms of the probation, he alone will be responsible for guarding the go-cart.
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286. Day and night.
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287. Uh, uh—
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288. - Court agrees. - Ya mean ya want me to spend the night here?
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289. All alone? Out in the open? —
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290. - Well, what about the wild dingoes? - Deal with it.
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291. As another term of his probation,
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292. that he may never again talk to, see or even think about Darla,
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293. or else.
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294. Yeah!
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295. And I'm makin' it my own personal business to see that you don't.
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296. Yeah! All right!
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297. Oh!
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298. You are so beautiful to me.
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299. I love you, Alfalfa.
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300. I want to die in your arms.
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301. You do? Of course, not right away.
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302. - March! March! - I'm off to join Sir Spankus.
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303. How's the toothache, bub?
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304. But you're my boy-toy! I won't let you go!
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305. - You must choose between us. - Uh... uh...
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306. - Yeah, you must choose between us. - Sir Alfalfa, haul butt!
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307. Maybe this will help you make up your mind.
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308. Tell me you'll never leave me. I'll never leave you.
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309. That's it, traitor! We must slay you...
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310. before your forbidden love...
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311. destroys our manly bond.
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312. Choose or die! Choose or die!
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313. Choose or die! Choose or die!
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314. Choose or die! Choose or die!
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315. Choose or die! Choose or die!
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316. Choose or die! Choose or die!
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317. Ease up, pal.
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318. - It's just us. - We came to keep you company.
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319. Yeah.
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320. Well, why am I soakin' wet?
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321. Don't worry, Alfalfa. I used to have the same problem.
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322. — There's just a hole in the tent.
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323. — Whoo!
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324. - You're not thinking about Darla, are ya? - No, of course not.
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325. Good!
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326. I wonder if she's not thinking of me too.
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327. - Why are boys such jerks? -
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328. You're not thinking about Alfalfa, are you?
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329. Oh, no, no, no, no way!
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330. Are you sure?
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331. Babes are like a bad song!
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332. Once you get 'em stuck in your head, you can't get 'em out again.
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333. - Why do they have to be so... - Different?
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334. - Hmmm! - Girls get along with each other.
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335. Boys stand up for themselves.
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336. - Girls care. - Boys take what's theirs.
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337. Boys won't listen.
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338. All they wanna do is talk.
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339. - They like to moon ya. - No, we don't!
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340. - Gigglin' and gossipin'. - Fighting and farting!
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341. - Barbies and bracelets. - Boogers and bugs!
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342. - Ice skating. - Bungee jumping.
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343. - Synchronized swimming. -
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344. And try to get 'em to sit still.
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345. Boys! Ugh! Boys! Ugh!
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346. Girls! Ugh!
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347. - And the worst thing of all... - They smell... - Weird!
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348. Howdy, mister.
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349. Me and my buddies have to build a new clubhouse. We need to buy some lumber.
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350. - What kind? - Wood!
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351. Give us all the wood you can for this much, please.
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352. $450 for lumber?
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353. Where are we gonna get that kind of moola?
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354. I don't know. You know what they say.
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355. What's going on? What's up?
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356. All in favor say, "Yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy!"
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357. Yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy...
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358. Thank you, my good man.
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359. Six kids, hardworking father, honest and trustworthy.
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360. Loan... denied.
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361. Hello, my good man.
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362. Gentlemen, uh, have a seat.
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363. - Can we sit down? - Are you kidding?
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364. We can't sit down, my good man.
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365. - What may I do for you? - We wanna take out a hefty loan.
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366. - Of course. Do you have an account with us? - And how!
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367. And what is your account—
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368. - number? - Uh, seven.
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369. Seven?
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370. Seven...?
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371. - Try eight. - Eight?
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372. Heard enough.
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373. — Ouch!
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374. If you were my kids, I'd punish you!
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375. If we were your kids, we'd punish ourselves!
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376. Leave the premises posthaste!
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377. You can't treat people this way, mister.
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378. You're not people. You're kids.
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379. Thank you.
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380. Good luck.
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381. She loves me. She loves me not.
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382. She loves me. She loves me not.
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383. She loves me!
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384. You guys don't know what you're talkin' about.
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385. I have to see her!
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386. But that's a violation of your probation.
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387. I know! I'll write a message, and you two can take it to her.
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388. Wait a second! We're He-Man Woman-Haters. We can't deliver love notes.
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389. Love note? No! This is gonna be a hate note.
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390. Sounds good to me!
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391. I hate your stinkin' guts!
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392. — You make me vomit.
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393. You're scum between my... toes.
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394. Love, Alfalfa.
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395. Otay!
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396. What's up, guys?
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397. Buckwheat, where's the note?
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398. Note, note.
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399. I know I got it here somewhere.
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400. - Come on, guys. - We'll find it.
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401. I'm waiting.
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402. I know! I gave it to you.
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403. Uh-oh!
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404. - What's going on? - It's otay. I remember what it said.
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405. "Dear Darla:
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406. "I hate your stinkin' guts.
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407. — "You make me vomit.
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408. - Hmmph! - "You are scum between my toes.
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409. - Oh! - Love, Alfalfa."
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410. — Whoa!
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411. Well, yeah... but was she upset?
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412. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm!
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413. Oh! I have to go to her house and explain what happened.
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414. Forget it, pal!
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415. Number one, she's not home 'cause she has a ballet recital.
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416. Number two— What was number two?
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417. No! Not that! The other number two.
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418. Spanky said you couldn't talk to her.
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419. What? I can talk to Darla anytime I want.
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420. Spanky's not the boss of me!
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421. Hiya, pal!
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422. Oh, no!
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423. Trust me, this is for your own good.
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424. After you dump her, you'll feel like a new man.
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425. But... I like the feel of the old man.
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426. Hello. Hello, enjoy the show.
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427. Who are you with?
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428. I'm with him, and we need to talk to Darla.
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429. That's out of the question. She's about to go onstage.
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430. Now clear the door. Go on.
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431. Too bad. Well, let's go!
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432. Hold it, partner. We're waiting right here 'til Darla comes out.
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433. Oh, man!
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434. Whoops!
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435. This'll be like stealing candy from a baby.
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436. Oh, boy.
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437. Come on.
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438. Hey, look! A dollar!
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439. Ducky, ducky!
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440. Yoo-hoo, Mister Ducky, ducky! Ducky!
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441. Ducky! Ducky, ducky!
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442. Ducky! Come here, ducky!
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443. Ducky! Nothing beats a buck and a duck.
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444. Hey, ya dumb duck, wait up!
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445. Hmm. What's this?
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446. Oh, no, not pickles! Oh, yuck!
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447. I'm bored.
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448. Ta-da!
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449. Gee, thanks!
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450. Uh-oh, Butch and Woim! Put that thing in your pocket and let's bail!
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451. Hey, there they are.
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452. Whoops!
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453. Whoops!
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454. Let's go!
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455. Whoops!
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456. Whoops!
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457. Shh!
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458. Hiya, big boys!
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459. Woof, woof!
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460. Ditto! Say,
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461. you two chicklets see a couple of ugly mugs who ran in here?
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462. You mean, besides you?
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463. I think they went in there.
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464. Thanks, doll face.
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465. Bye.
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466. One, two, three!
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467. What are you doing?
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468. You two do not belong here.
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469. I shall escort you to the door.
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470. Stop this! Please, you're hurting me!
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471. Let go of me! This tutu's killin' me.
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472. You took the words right out of my mouth.
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473. - Hi. - Hi!
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474. - Are you a fairy? - No! - Uh-uh!
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475. - You know, a sugarplum fairy. - Oh, well, yes, of course.
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476. - What's the matter? - Oh, she must have a frog in her throat.
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477. I'm so nervous I'm sweating like a pig.
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478. It must be... the recital.
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479. Come here.
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480. - Here's my hanky. - Gee, thanks!
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481. No, that's all right. You keep it.
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482. I'm nervous too. Waldo's gonna be here.
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483. - Waldo's Darla's boyfriend. -
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484. - Do you have boyfriends? - No!
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485. No, of course not. Uh...
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486. But there is one boy I'd really love to get to know.
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487. His name is Alfalfa.
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488. - What a physique! - Are you crazy?
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489. I used to know Alfalfa. He took the best years of my life.
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490. Same here! That ugly scud led me on as if he cared,
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491. then dropped me like a hot tamale.
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492. Plus, you know what?
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493. - No, what? - I hear he dresses in girls clothes.
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494. I don't miss him at all, except...
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495. his voice.
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496. When he sings, he makes me melt
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497. like a Popsicle on the Fourth of July.
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498. He is awfully romantical.
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499. Well, it was lovely chatting, but we really gotta go.
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500. Bye!
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501. All right, girls, it's time to take your positions!
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502. It's show time!
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503. Come on now, honey.
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504. - Spanky, what are we doing? -
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505. And now scenes from...
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506. The Nutcracker.
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507. Get rid of it.
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508. - Come here, hold my hand. - Are you nuts?
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509. — Get off!
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510. - Get! -
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511. — Ohh!
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512. Let's get outta here!
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513. Good thing I finally caught that frog. Yeah.
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514. Now all you gotta worry about is warts.
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515. Whoo!
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516. You ruined my recital! Where's— Oh!
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517. Come on out of there, young lady. Aw, nah, nah!
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518. I wouldn't open that, if I was you.
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519. Oh! Oh.
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520. Well, this is a professional school of ballet.
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521. Now get out and do not come back.
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522. I'll distract 'em while you make a getaway.
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523. Thanks, Spanky. You sure are a pal. Think nothin' of it.
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524. Hello again, you stud muffins. Goin' my way?
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525. Gee, we'd love to, but we're waitin' around...
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526. to beat the shorts off a couple of twerps.
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527. Your loss, baby. ♪ Doo dee-doo dee-doo
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528. - Got a burger to go with that shake? - ♪ Doo dee-doo
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529. Aaah!
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530. That's him!
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531. — Come back here, you ugly little freak!
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532. And stay out!
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533. Things couldn't possibly get any worse.
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534. Oh! Then the clouds opened up and God said,
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535. "I hate you, Alfalfa."
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536. Nice tan. Any last words?
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537. Yeah. Uh... see ya!
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538. Hey!
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539. No, you don't!
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540. Ooh! Ow!
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541. I'll let myself out. Thank you.
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542. Well, you'd better.
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543. He lucked out!
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544. Alfalfa!
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545. This is a side of you I've never seen before.
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546. - Darla! -
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547. Darla, there's a perfectly logical explanation for this.
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548. - Which I'll make up later. -
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549. Do you like pickles? I think they stink.
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550. I love pickles.
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551. - My mother makes me eat 'em. - I'm crazy about 'em.
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552. I'll sell you my pickle for a nickel.
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553. How about two cents?
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554. Okay.
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555. - Rough day? - Don't ask.
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556. Are these kosher?
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557. Looking good. This is gonna be a piece of cake.
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558. 'Panky, me and Porky got an idea.
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559. - Keep it. You might need it when you grow up. - Otay.
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560. Hey, maybe this will work.
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561. Let's go.
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562. Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls!
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563. Enter if you dare! See the weird freak of nature!
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564. Even science can't explain it! It's a really good show!
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565. Step right up and witness this hideous mutant!
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566. Amazing! Incredible! Come on, everybody!
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567. Four-foot man-eating chicken!
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568. Hey, folks, we need to make some money!
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569. Gimme a quarter! Five dollars! Anything!
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570. We need to build a new clubhouse!
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571. Just hurry, hurry, hurry!
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572. People, people! We need your money!
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573. You there, kid! Wanna come in?
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574. At least people are ridin' the rides.
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575. Please go in.
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576. I will not think of Darla.
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577. I will not think of Darla!
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578. I will not think of Darla.
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579. Maybe Spanky's right.
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580. Huh?
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581. - Maybe I should just forget about love. -
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582. Dang, I'm outta paper.
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583. No, not that kind of paper!
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584. Thanks, Petey.
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585. Skunked by that sleazy sidewinder Spanky!
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586. It's his fault Darla hates me!
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587. Hop in, Petey!
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588. Sit!
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589. Come on, Spanky. So things didn't quite pan out.
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590. "Didn't quite pan out"? We have less money than when we came!
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591. I thought the talent show was supposed to be free.
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592. - Look at all that money! - What's goin' on?
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593. We just put up the sign and people started payin' us.
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594. Buckwheat, Porky, you're geniuses.
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595. Th-a-a-anks!
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596. Look, how 'bout if I take over and give you guys a break?
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597. Otay!
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598. Hmm. Money, money.
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599. Spanky McFarland!
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600. Miss Crabtree!
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601. I would expect this from a four-year-old, but not from you!
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602. Spanky, tricking people out of their money is wrong.
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603. It's just like cheating on your homework.
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604. - But I— - What are we to do with all this money?
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605. We can't give it back to these people one by one.
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606. Um, Miss Crabtree, I got a suggestion.
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607. What we could do is—
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608. Interesting.
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609. Intriguing.
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610. - I love it. -
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611. Whoo! Nice suit, kid!
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612. Dang.
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613. Miss Crabtree, do you got room for just one more act? We could squeeze you in.
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614. Thanks, Miss Crabtree! You're welcome.
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615. Well, fellas, the president saved your bacon.
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616. I convinced Miss Crabtree to use the money...
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617. as first prize in the go-cart derby.
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618. Just think— In three days, the money's ours.
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619. Everything else may have gone wrong,
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620. but there's no way we can lose the race.
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621. Yeah!
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622. The Blur belongs to Butch. And Woim.
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623. Well, if it isn't Falafel.
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624. Alfalfa! Whatever.
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625. I hope you didn't miss my duet with Darla.
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626. You call that a duet?
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627. It was stupendous.
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628. She wasn't bad either.
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629. I'm warmin' up my vocalizer.
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630. I'm about to win Darla back through song.
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631. Don't you get it? Darla can't stand you.
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632. Alfalfa, you're on.
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633. Darla will love me after I sing to her.
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634. Darla can't resist my voice. She said so herself.
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635. Come on, dear.
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636. — This is a song about a tragic romance.
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637. I once fell in love with a girl,
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638. and through schemes and betrayals by my best friend...
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639. she came to think I was nothin' more...
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640. than a He-Man Woman-Hater.
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641. - But I'm a woman-lover! - Uhh!
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642. So let me raise a toast to the girl I love most...
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643. in the whole world.
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644. - Please don't say my name. Please don't say my name. - Darla.
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645. - Ohh. -
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646. And... whoa!
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647. Oh, I hate you, Alfalfa.
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648. - Dang! - Hee-hee!
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649. - Hey! - Well, hello, Mr. Bubbles!
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650. That was the most disgusting display...
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651. of she-man woman-loving I've ever seen!
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652. Don't talk to me, you Benedict Arnold!
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653. You— You Judas Priest!
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654. This is all your fault!
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655. - All my fault? - You torched the clubhouse.
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656. And it's all my fault?
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657. Say, you're supposed to be guarding the go-cart, you Muzak-warbling wimp!
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658. Relax, you double-crossing mud-muncher!
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659. I parked it right over there!
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660. It was right here!
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661. - Well, where is it? - Boy, you're messin' up left and right!
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662. That's it, you sissified tweety-bird!
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663. - I wish I had a club to throw you out of! - Me too!
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664. Well, you sewage-swigging slimeball,
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665. — if there still was a club, I'd quit!
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666. Good! Hmph!
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667. What a wimp. Yeah.
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668. You guys have been friends since you were one. He started it!
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669. And you should finish it.
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670. You're a team, like Bert and Ernie,
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671. Superman and Clark Kent, Milli and Vanilli.
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672. At least go talk to him. What could it cost?
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673. You mean, besides my dignity and pride?
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674. All I know is,
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675. you only make a once-in-a-lifetime buddy...
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676. once in a lifetime.
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677. Is Spanky home? I'm sorry, Alfalfa. Spanky isn't here.
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678. I'm sorry, Spanky. Alfalfa's not here.
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679. - Darn! - Darn!
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680. I thought I'd find you here.
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681. I'm sorry I called you a double-crossing mud-muncher...
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682. and a sewage-swigging slimeball.
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683. I'm sorry I called you a sissified tweety-bird...
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684. and a Muzak-warbling wimp.
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685. I'm sorry I called you a barf-encrusted jumbo jerk.
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686. You didn't call me a barf-encrusted jumbo jerk.
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687. Oh. I guess I was just thinking it.
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688. - I'm sorry about the fire. - I'm sorry about messin' up...
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689. your picnic lunch with Darla.
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690. Maybe I'm sorta responsible for the fire too, a little.
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691. You know, Spanky, I like girls.
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692. It might even get worse as I get older.
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693. I know you like girls, 'Falf.
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694. The problem is, rules is rules.
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695. But is woman-hating the important thing?
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696. I mean, couldn't we be a club 'cause we like something?
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697. Hmm.
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698. Shoot! Without a clubhouse, we don't have a club.
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699. Hey! You guys burned down a clubhouse, not a club!
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700. A club is buddies...
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701. who stick together, no matter what! Uh-huh!
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702. I just wish we could still enter the go-cart derby.
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703. But it's impossible.
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704. Who says it's impossible?
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705. Every one of us, working together—
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706. Pow! That's all the possible we need!
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707. We need a hammer... and nails.
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708. - A motor. -
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709. We need a battery and a chassis,
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710. four axles and a wheel belt.
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711. Somebody get a supercharger.
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712. Go get it, guys!
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713. Here, Petey.
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714. - Screwdriver. - Screwdriver.
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715. - Ratchet! - Ratchet.
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716. Hey, Uh-Huh, does it stink in there?
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717. Uh-huh!
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718. Monkey wrench!
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719. Ta-dum!
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720. Do us proud, buddy.
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721. You betcha!
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722. Hey, everybody! Don't forget!
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723. Following the go-cart derby, there will be a tiny tot bunny race at 3:30.
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724. Entrants must be five years and under. See you there!
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725. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
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726. welcome to the 73rd annual go-cart derby!
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727. Hey, guys, get in your cars!
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728. We're ready to start!
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729. You there, the kid in the blue.
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730. Stop horsin' around. You're gonna break your neck.
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731. How we gonna beat that?
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732. - It looks like The Blur with a new paint job! - Eccch!
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733. Hi, Dad, it's me.
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734. You're gonna be so proud of me. I'm gonna win this race.
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735. Waldo, you're the best son money can buy.
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736. Thanks, Dad.
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737. I don't have an ugly face, you have an ugly face! You have an ugly face!
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738. You have an ugly face! Your mother has an ugly face!
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739. The race course is marked with arrows,
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740. and it ends right back here where it started from.
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741. Oh, great!
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742. This is the prize money for the winner. Okay.
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743. It's just about $500.
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744. Just say it's from an anonymous donor. You got it.
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745. Waldo, hurry up. We're late!
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746. Oh, please. We're making an entrance.
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747. Just sit back, relax and leave everything to moi.
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748. I wonder where A.J. Ferguson is.
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749. I don't know, but I can't wait to meet him.
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750. Okay, guys, this is it. Fasten your seat belts.
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751. Well, well. Mr. Johnston. Nice of you to join us.
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752. The last car is finally is position.
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753. Well, if it isn't Waldo.
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754. All the money in the world is no substitute for hard work and ingenuity.
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755. You lead a rich fantasy life.
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756. Thank you.
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757. - Moron. - What are you doin' with that?
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758. It's Darla's handkerchief. All great knights ride into battle...
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759. wearing the colors of their lady fair.
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760. I'm not hearing this. I'm not hearing this.
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761. Hey, look! My mom's here!
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762. Whoopee.
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763. The first racer to cross the finish line will receive...
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764. this genuine, gold-plated, cubic zirconium-encrusted trophy!
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765. As well as the prize of five hundred dollars!
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766. Go! Go!
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767. Gentlemen, start your engines!
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768. All right, ready. Steady.
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769. One, two, three, go!
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770. - Whoo-hoo! - Yeah! Whoo!
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771. Grrr!
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772. String 'em, Woim!
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773. - Aaah! Aah! - Oh, no!
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774. Aaaaaah!
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775. All right! Yeah!
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776. Whoo-ooh-hoo!
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777. Aaaaaah!
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778. You snotwads stole our racer!
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779. Finders keepers, losers... suck!
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780. Ah, bite me!
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781. Waldo, I think we have to turn here!
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782. Girls have no sense of direction.
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783. You know, you're starting to get on my nerves.
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784. Huh? Uh— Oh!
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785. Ohh!
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786. Watch out!
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787. Get out of the way!
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788. — Comin' through!
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789. Aaah!
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790. Excuse us! Move!
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791. - You little rascals! - Sorry!
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792. 10 points for the old guy!
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793. It's time to lose these losers.
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794. - Atomic batteries to power. -
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795. Turbines to speed!
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796. They're gettin' away! Hold on to your beanie!
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797. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
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798. Activate rocket boosters!
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799. You idiot! You put them in...
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800. backwards! Waaaah!
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801. Whoo-hoo! Yee-hah!
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802. These two again?
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803. I really hate to do this.
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804. Huh?
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805. Yikes! Spikes!
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806. Hey! You could've killed them!
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807. Just forget about that soap-sucking nincompoop!
Copy !req
808. So you're responsible for the bubbles at the talent show!
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809. Pull over right now! I'm not finishing this race with you!
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810. You got it, babe. Now get out.
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811. Where in tarnation are we?
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812. Look! We're back in the race!
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813. Hey, pretty good shortcut!
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814. Hey, how'd they get here?
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815. Don't worry. This'll fix 'em!
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816. - Yeah! - What's that?
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817. Aaah! Aah!
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818. We can't see!
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819. Where are we? Aaaah! Help!
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820. What's goin' on? I can't see!
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821. My eyes! I can't see!
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822. Hey, mind your own business, rich boy!
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823. What a guy!
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824. Thanks, pal!
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825. Aah! Aah! Aaah!
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826. Grab the wheel!
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827. Are you crazy? We got a finish line to cross!
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828. Not without this! You're nuts!
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829. Whoa! Watch out! You're gonna fall!
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830. Aaaah!
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831. I'm gonna fall off! Hold my feet! Aaaah!
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832. — Aaaaaah!
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833. Grrrr!
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834. - Hold on! We're almost there! -
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835. Winner by a hair! Yes!
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836. You did it, Alfalfa! You won!
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837. We did it! All of us!
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838. — Gentlemen, let's give Alfalfa a big...
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839. "Spoley-oley"!
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840. Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley!
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841. Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Thank you.
Copy !req
842. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you—
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843. It ain't right!
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844. We go through all the trouble of stealing your racer...
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845. and you still win!
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846. Better brace yourself, because now I'm really gonna kick your butt!
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847. I'm usually a lover, not a fighter,
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848. but in your case I'm willin' to make an exception.
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849. Pig puckey!
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850. Allow me!
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851. - Looking good, man. - Yeah!
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852. Hey, there's the guy who risked his neck for us!
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853. I gotta admit, he turned out to be pretty okay, darn it.
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854. Put it there, pal. You're quite a guy.
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855. Us machismo types have a club—
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856. The He-Man Woman-Haters Club.
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857. Alfalfa, I'm extending a membership offer here.
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858. - Now, what is it? - That's not Waldo!
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859. You'll be hearing from my lawyers.
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860. Then who's this guy who saved our butts?
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861. Hi, guys. What's up?
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862. A girl! Ohh!
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863. Well, don't that beat all.
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864. Spanky!
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865. And now it gives me great pleasure
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866. to present this beautiful trophy...
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867. and the prize money...
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868. to Alfalfa Switzer and Spanky McFarland.
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869. Is that a cowlick, or are you just glad to see me?
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870. Ah, the strong, silent type, eh?
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871. Don't take this personal, lady, but my pal's real disappointed.
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872. Ohh! What's the matter, sugar pie?
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873. Well, we were just kinda hopin' that...
Copy !req
874. A.J. Ferguson was gonna give us the trophy.
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875. Well, boys, today's your lucky day.
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876. 'Cause that's exactly who I am!
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877. You're the best driver there is!
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878. Well, thank you very much! You didn't do so bad yourself!
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879. Say, let's even things up. How 'bout one on this side?
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880. There ya go!
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881. I saw what you did to save my hanky, Alfalfa.
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882. That was very heartwarming.
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883. And awfully romantical.
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884. Gee, thanks, but I thought you hated me.
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885. I don't hate you. It's just sometimes you do mean things,
Copy !req
886. like playing tricks on me at our picnic.
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887. Uh, I can explain that.
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888. It was me who wrecked your picnic with Alfalfa.
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889. You see, I thought you was tryin' to steal my best friend.
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890. I thought you were tryin' to sabotage our club.
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891. But I think I was wrong.
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892. I'm sorry, you guys.
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893. My Alfalfinator!
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894. My delectable Darlooney!
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895. So, do you live around here? Yeah.
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896. Do you like dolls?
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897. Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm. I do!
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898. Cool.
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899. — Say!
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900. Have we betrayed our forefathers?
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901. Have we trampled on the generations of honest woman-haters...
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902. — who came before us?
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903. - Uh-uh. - Huh?
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904. — Hey, everybody!
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905. - Uh-Huh's learned a new word! -
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906. Actually, I've always had a rather extensive vocabulary,
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907. not to mention a phenomenal grasp of grammar...
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908. and a superlative command of syntax.
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909. I simply chose not to employ them.
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910. — Ohhh-tay!
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911. Well, I guess things just have to change sometimes.
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912. What's my line?
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913. Let's start over again. I don't— want to!
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914. You don't want to? No— No.
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915. You got the hiccups? Okay, cut. Ye— Yes.
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916. I used to have this— Don't worry!
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917. I forgot the words!
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918. - What are you doing? -
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919. Hmm!
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920. Oh!
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921. — What a relief!
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922. - Yuck! - Ooh!
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923. Allow me to introduce myself.
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924. - What an idiot. - Watch it, bud.
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925. You have the most— And—
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926. Don't look at the camera, sweetie. Don't look at the camera.
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927. Don't look at the camera. Don't look at the camera.
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928. Brittany, stop lookin' at the camera, please.
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929. The race course is marked off with arrows.
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930. And it'll start— It'll end.
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931. Thank you. And it will end.
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932. Paper or plastic?
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933. And it will end— And it ends—
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934. It ends. Right. I knew I'd find it somewhere.
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935. That is bad popcorn.
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936. You'll tell me when— We're not going yet—
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937. Okay.
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938. The race course is marked off with arrows.
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939. It ends right back here where it started from.
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940. And cut. Cutting.
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941. - I finally got that sucker. - Otay!
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