1. Black.Copy !req
2. All important movies start
with a black screen.Copy !req
3. And music.Copy !req
4. Edgy, scary musicCopy !req
5. that would make
a parent or studio executive nervous.Copy !req
6. And logos.Copy !req
7. Really long and dramatic logos.Copy !req
8. Warner Bros.Copy !req
9. Why not "Warner Brothers"?
I don't know.Copy !req
10. DC.Copy !req
11. The house that Batman built.Copy !req
12. Yeah, what, Superman?Copy !req
13. Come at me, bro.Copy !req
14. I'm your Kryptonite.Copy !req
15. Hmm.Copy !req
16. Not sure what RatPac does,
but that logo is macho.Copy !req
17. I dig it.Copy !req
18. Okay.Copy !req
19. Get yourself ready for someCopy !req
20. reading.Copy !req
21. "If you want to make the world
a better place"Copy !req
22. "take a look at yourself
and make a change."Copy !req
23. "Hooo."Copy !req
24. No. I said that.Copy !req
25. Batman is very wise.Copy !req
26. I also have huge pecs
and a nine-pack.Copy !req
27. Yeah, I've got an extra ab.Copy !req
28. Now, let's start the movie.Copy !req
29. Gotham Tower,
this is McGuffin Airlines, Flight 1138.Copy !req
30. We are transporting
11 million sticks of dynamite,Copy !req
31. 17,000 pounds of C-4,Copy !req
32. about 150 cute little
classic bomb-type bombs,Copy !req
33. and two best friends!Copy !req
34. And request permission to fly over
the most crime-ridden city in the world.Copy !req
35. Over.Copy !req
36. I'm just looking at all the guys' faces
here in the control tower.Copy !req
37. - I'm good.
- Sounds good to me.Copy !req
38. - Do it!
- Yeah, as long as they're best friends.Copy !req
39. - Thumbs up!
- Yep, I think we're cool with that.Copy !req
40. Gentlemen,Copy !req
41. seal breach in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!Copy !req
42. What was that?Copy !req
43. - One of us should check it out.
- Okay.Copy !req
44. Scissors, paper, rock.Copy !req
45. - Paper.
- Scissors.Copy !req
46. Ha! You always do paper.Copy !req
47. I'm a loser at home
and a loser at work.Copy !req
48. Holy cow!Copy !req
49. Captain Dale, is everything okay?Copy !req
50. I am afraid
Captain Dale had to bail.Copy !req
51. I'm your new co-pilot.Copy !req
52. And I always come to workCopy !req
53. with a smile!Copy !req
54. - You should be terrified.
- Why?Copy !req
55. Because I will be taking over the city.Copy !req
56. Mmm...Copy !req
57. - What?
- Batman will stop you.Copy !req
58. He always stops you.Copy !req
59. No, he doesn't.Copy !req
60. What about that time with the two boats?Copy !req
61. This is better than the two boats.Copy !req
62. - Mmm...
- Well, tonight is gonna be different!Copy !req
63. Tonight is my greatest plan yet.Copy !req
64. And trust me,
Batman's never gonna see it coming.Copy !req
65. Like that time with the parade
and the Prince music?Copy !req
66. Hey, quiet!Copy !req
67. - Good night, Steve.
- Take it easy, Jeff.Copy !req
68. Man, I really like that guy.Copy !req
69. I sure hope nothing bad happens to him.Copy !req
70. Nothing bad ever happens to meCopy !req
71. What the...Copy !req
72. Your city is under attackCopy !req
73. by Gotham's greatest criminal minds.Copy !req
74. IncludingCopy !req
75. The Riddler.Copy !req
76. Scarecrow.Copy !req
77. Pizza delivery.Copy !req
78. - Bane.
- Hello.Copy !req
79. Two-Face!Copy !req
80. We need that door open, baby!Copy !req
81. Catwoman.Copy !req
82. Meow, meow. You're in! Meow, meow.Copy !req
83. I'm jumping out of the way!Copy !req
84. And let's not forget, Clayface.Copy !req
85. Poison Ivy.Copy !req
86. - Freeze!
- No!Copy !req
87. You freeze!Copy !req
88. Mr. Freeze!Copy !req
89. Penguin, Crazy Quilt, Eraser.Copy !req
90. Polka-Dot Man, Mime, Tarantula.Copy !req
91. King Tut, Orca, Killer Moth,Copy !req
92. March Harriet, Zodiac Master,
Gentleman Ghost.Copy !req
93. Clock King, Calendar Man, Kite-Man,
Catman, Zebra-Man, and the Condiment King.Copy !req
94. Okay, are you making some of those up?Copy !req
95. Nope, they're all real.Copy !req
96. Probably worth a Google.Copy !req
97. - Hey, watch it!
- Commissioner Gordon!Copy !req
98. What is it, O'Hara?Copy !req
99. We just got a report!Copy !req
100. All the Z-grade villains have
broken into the energy plant!Copy !req
101. What are we gonna do, sir?Copy !req
102. The only thing we ever do.
Flip the switch to the Bat-Signal!Copy !req
103. Flip!Copy !req
104. Commissioner, are you there?Copy !req
105. The Bat-Signal, she's been egged!Copy !req
106. It's Egghead, sir.Copy !req
107. I'm well aware of his work.Copy !req
108. Dear gosh.
You've destroyed the Bat-Signal.Copy !req
109. You have thought of everything.Copy !req
110. Yeah, I know!Copy !req
111. And when I take over Gotham City...Copy !req
112. Opening reactor core doors.Copy !req
113. Batman will grovel at the feetCopy !req
114. of his greatest enemy!Copy !req
115. Me! The Joker!Copy !req
116. Joker, do you read me?Copy !req
117. 10-4, girl buddy.Copy !req
118. We're ready for you, sugar plum.Copy !req
119. Well, then, let's raise the roof!Copy !req
120. Fire in the hole!Copy !req
121. O'Hara, have you tried the Bat-Phone?Copy !req
122. Yes, but all I'm getting
is this hold music.Copy !req
123. I love it.Copy !req
124. - I want snipers trained on that building!
- You bet!Copy !req
125. - I want water and air support, yesterday!
- Ahoy, sir!Copy !req
126. And I need SWAT here now!Copy !req
127. Phone call
for Commissioner Gordon.Copy !req
128. Hello? Batman?Copy !req
129. Hi, Jimmy! It's the Jokes. Oop!Copy !req
130. Nobody calls you that.Copy !req
131. Yes, people do call me that.Copy !req
132. Okay, listen up.Copy !req
133. Go, go, go!Copy !req
134. At this very moment,
an unnecessarily complicated bombCopy !req
135. is being attached
to the inside of the main energy core.Copy !req
136. If the mayor isn't here in five minutes
to negotiate the city's surrender,Copy !req
137. then I shall destroy Gotham City.Copy !req
138. I did something!Copy !req
139. Doctor, that sounds frightening
and overly complicated.Copy !req
140. Talk us through it.Copy !req
141. Well, I don't wanna scare
any small children who may be listening,Copy !req
142. but it's a little-known fact
that Gotham CityCopy !req
143. is built on a bunch of flimsy plates
stuck together.Copy !req
144. There's literally nothing beneath us,Copy !req
145. except an infinite abyss
that smells like dirty underwear.Copy !req
146. If Joker's bomb were to go off,Copy !req
147. these plates would break apart,Copy !req
148. plunging every Gotham citizenCopy !req
149. into the eternal abyss forever.Copy !req
150. And you wouldn't want that,
now would you?Copy !req
151. Now get me the mayor! Joker out!Copy !req
152. Madam Mayor,
I cannot ask you to do this!Copy !req
153. - Jim, did you find Batman?
- No, ma'am.Copy !req
154. Then we have no choice.Copy !req
155. The Joker has the upper hand.
We have to surrender Gotham City.Copy !req
156. Oh, no.Copy !req
157. I'm sorry!Copy !req
158. Flying the mayor
package in right now.Copy !req
159. SWAT team,
get your stun guns ready!Copy !req
160. - Non-lethal.
- Yeah!Copy !req
161. Lowering
mayor package through hole.Copy !req
162. Madam Mayor!Copy !req
163. Thanks for dropping by.Copy !req
164. I've only got one thing
to say to you, Joker.Copy !req
165. Well, you better make it fast.Copy !req
166. Do you like to gamble?Copy !req
167. Oh, I certainly do.Copy !req
168. Do you ever play roulette?Copy !req
169. On occasion.Copy !req
170. Well, let me give you a word of advice.Copy !req
171. I'm all ears.Copy !req
172. When playing roulette...Copy !req
173. Yes?Copy !req
174. always bet on black.Copy !req
175. Batman?Copy !req
176. What are you doing?
You're completely outnumbered here!Copy !req
177. Are you nuts?Copy !req
178. You wanna get nuts? Come on!Copy !req
179. Let's get nuts!Copy !req
180. 'Cause I just wrote a song
about how I'm gonna kick all your butts!Copy !req
181. Stop him before he starts singing!Copy !req
182. Yeah!Copy !req
183. In the darkest nightCopy !req
184. I make the bad guys fallCopy !req
185. There's a million heroesCopy !req
186. Computer, overcompensate.Copy !req
187. But I'm the best of them allCopy !req
188. I'm on my way, sir.Copy !req
189. - Who has the coolest gadgets?
- Batman!Copy !req
190. - Who has the tricked-out ride?
- Batman!Copy !req
191. - Who does the sickest backflips?
- Batman!Copy !req
192. Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na
Batman!Copy !req
193. Yeah, hey, hey!
Batman jam!Copy !req
194. Da-Na, da-Na, da-Na, da-NaCopy !req
195. Batman!Copy !req
196. You think my muscles are big?Copy !req
197. Thank you.Copy !req
198. You haven't seen my brainCopy !req
199. Ladies, it's okay if you stareCopy !req
200. Why?Copy !req
201. 'Cause I'm a billionaireCopy !req
202. Get it together, guys!Copy !req
203. You're making me look bad
in front of Batman!Copy !req
204. 'Puter, where's the bomb?Copy !req
205. The bomb is located
at the base of the energy core.Copy !req
206. What the...Copy !req
207. I get the last laugh
I get the final grinCopy !req
208. Throw you into the asylum
With Harley QuinnCopy !req
209. Turn Two-Face
To black-and-blue faceCopy !req
210. I 100% am not Bruce Wayne!Copy !req
211. Kiss me, Batman.Copy !req
212. - Who's the manliest man?
- Ugh!Copy !req
213. Batman!Copy !req
214. - With the buns of steel?
- Batman!Copy !req
215. 'Puter.Copy !req
216. - Who could choke-hold a bear?
- Batman!Copy !req
217. - Who never skips leg day?
- Batman!Copy !req
218. Who always pays their taxes?Copy !req
219. Not BatmanCopy !req
220. How is he beating all of you again?Copy !req
221. Because...Copy !req
222. Hey, hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
223. I'm Batman!Copy !req
224. It's gonna blow!Copy !req
225. I'm Batman!Copy !req
226. Hey, hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
227. I'm Batman!Copy !req
228. Hi, Batman!
So weird to keep running into you.Copy !req
229. Batman!Copy !req
230. Looks like your plan failed.Copy !req
231. Well, it's only a matter of time
before I take over Gotham City.Copy !req
232. When has that ever happened?
Computer!Copy !req
233. Calculating. Never.Copy !req
234. You know why?Copy !req
235. Because I'm always
one step ahead of you.Copy !req
236. And I always get away!Copy !req
237. Not this time.Copy !req
238. 'Cause this timeCopy !req
239. I got you.Copy !req
240. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
241. Well, there's only one problem.Copy !req
242. Who's gonna defuse the bomb?Copy !req
243. It's gotta be one or the other, Batman.Copy !req
244. Save the city,
or catch your greatest enemy.Copy !req
245. You can't do both.Copy !req
246. I'm sorry, what did you just say?Copy !req
247. You can't do both, I said.Copy !req
248. No, I mean the other thing.Copy !req
249. Save the city,
or catch your greatest enemy.Copy !req
250. You think you're my greatest enemy?Copy !req
251. Yes! You're obsessed with me!Copy !req
252. No, I'm not.Copy !req
253. - Yes, you are.
- No, I'm not.Copy !req
254. Yes, you are! Who else drives you
to one-up them the way that I do?Copy !req
255. - Bane.
- No, he doesn't!Copy !req
256. - Superman.
- Superman's not a bad guy!Copy !req
257. Then I'd say that I don't
currently have a bad guy.Copy !req
258. I am fighting a few different people.Copy !req
259. What?Copy !req
260. I like to fight around.Copy !req
261. Okay, look, I'm fine with you
fighting other peopleCopy !req
262. if you wanna do that,
but what we have is special.Copy !req
263. So, when people ask youCopy !req
264. "Who's your number one bad guy?"
you say...Copy !req
265. Superman.Copy !req
266. Are you seriously saying
that there is nothing,Copy !req
267. nothing special about our relationship?Copy !req
268. Whoa.Copy !req
269. Let me tell you something, J-bird.Copy !req
270. - Batman doesn't do 'ships.
- What?Copy !req
271. As in "relationships."Copy !req
272. There is no "us."Copy !req
273. Batman and Joker are not a thing.Copy !req
274. I don't need you.Copy !req
275. I don't need anyone.Copy !req
276. You mean nothing to me.Copy !req
277. No one does.Copy !req
278. Hurray! Batman!Copy !req
279. You did it!Copy !req
280. You're welcome.Copy !req
281. - Thank you, Batman.
- Oh, my pleasure.Copy !req
282. Batman, we love you!Copy !req
283. Thank you!
I'm blushing super hard under the mask.Copy !req
284. - Grazie, Batman!
- Prego.Copy !req
285. - You're the best, Batman!
- Oh, I'm humble.Copy !req
286. - Thanks, Batman!
- I'm super modest about it. Thank you.Copy !req
287. - Batman, you're the greatest!
- Oh, pray hands, pray hands.Copy !req
288. - Thanks for saving the city!
- You're welcome.Copy !req
289. Batman,
I love you more than my kids!Copy !req
290. So do I, guy!Copy !req
291. You're our hero, Batman!Copy !req
292. I love my life.Copy !req
293. Computer.Copy !req
294. Go ahead.Copy !req
295. - Are we near the orphanage?
- Yes.Copy !req
296. Great.
Let's turn those frowns upside down.Copy !req
297. That sounds like the Batmobile.Copy !req
298. No way!Copy !req
299. Hey, orphans! Look who's here!Copy !req
300. It's Batman!Copy !req
301. Hey, kids.
Who wants a shot from the merch gun?Copy !req
302. - I do, I do, I do!
- Great!Copy !req
303. - Kaboom!
- I got a lunchbox!Copy !req
304. - Kaboom!
- I got a sippy cup!Copy !req
305. - Kaboom!
- I got a Batarang!Copy !req
306. And the rest of you get Bat Bucks.Copy !req
307. Kaboom!Copy !req
308. Remember, kids,
if you want to be like Batman,Copy !req
309. take care of your abs. Batman out!Copy !req
310. Batman! Batman! Batman!Copy !req
311. Thanks, Batman. You're my hero!Copy !req
312. Whoo!Copy !req
313. What is the password?Copy !req
314. Iron Man sucks.Copy !req
315. Thank you.Copy !req
316. It must be great to be Batman.Copy !req
317. I can only imagine
he is going home right nowCopy !req
318. to party the night away,Copy !req
319. surrounded by scores of friends
and lady tennis players.Copy !req
320. Hey, Computer.Copy !req
321. I'm home.Copy !req
322. Welcome home, sir.Copy !req
323. Initializing Batcave operating system.Copy !req
324. Hey, 'Puter.Copy !req
325. What's up, Batman?Copy !req
326. Put this bomb in the museum.Copy !req
327. Certainly, sir.Copy !req
328. - Thank you.
- No worries.Copy !req
329. Anything exciting happen
when I was gone?Copy !req
330. You have four pieces of mail.Copy !req
331. Great, what'd I get?Copy !req
332. You have this week's Pennysaver,Copy !req
333. two bills,
and a coupon for Bed Bath and Beyond.Copy !req
334. It expires in two weeks.Copy !req
335. But I've heard that some stores
will honor them past the expiry date.Copy !req
336. Copy that.Copy !req
337. Also, Alfred is on the 17th floor,
grouting tiles in the second bathroomCopy !req
338. of the fifth master bedroom.Copy !req
339. Do you want me to tell Alfred
you're home?Copy !req
340. No, that's cool, Computer.
Thanks for the update.Copy !req
341. I should probably
have some dinner.Copy !req
342. Alfred left your lobster thermidor
in the fridge.Copy !req
343. Oh, that's my favorite.Copy !req
344. I can't wait.Copy !req
345. Oh, not 20 minutes. Stupid.Copy !req
346. Oh, wait.Copy !req
347. There, which one is, uh...Copy !req
348. Okay.Copy !req
349. You complete me.Copy !req
350. Shut up. You had me at hello.Copy !req
351. Love it!Copy !req
352. Hey, Mom.Copy !req
353. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
354. I, uh...Copy !req
355. I saved the city again today.Copy !req
356. I wish you could have seen me.Copy !req
357. I think you would have been
really proud.Copy !req
358. There you are!Copy !req
359. Oh! Alfred! I am so sorry.Copy !req
360. I have incredible reflexes.Copy !req
361. No, it's all my fault, sir.Copy !req
362. I should have known better
than to sneak up on you like that.Copy !req
363. Sorry, I was just lost in thought,
and as you know,Copy !req
364. when I'm in there, I'm in deep.Copy !req
365. Were you looking
at the old family pictures again?Copy !req
366. At the what? The old family...Copy !req
367. Oh, yes! I see what you mean.Copy !req
368. Look at that! The old gang.Copy !req
369. Yeah. No, I wasn't.Copy !req
370. I see.Copy !req
371. Sir, if you don't mind my saying,
I'm a little concerned.Copy !req
372. I've seen you go through similar phases
in 2016 and 2012 and 2008 and 2005Copy !req
373. and 1997 and 1995 and 1992 and 1989Copy !req
374. and that weird one in 1966.Copy !req
375. Do you want to talk about
how you're feeling right now?Copy !req
376. I don't talk about feelings, Alfred.Copy !req
377. I don't have any, I've never seen one.Copy !req
378. I'm a night-stalking,
crime-fighting vigilante,Copy !req
379. and a heavy metal rapping machine.Copy !req
380. I don't feel anything emotionally,
except for rage.Copy !req
381. 24/7, 365, at a million percent.Copy !req
382. And if you think that there's something
behind that, then you're crazy.Copy !req
383. Good night, Alfred.Copy !req
384. Sir, it's morning.Copy !req
385. Master Bruce, you live on an island,
figuratively and literally.Copy !req
386. Yeah. I love it.Copy !req
387. You can't spend
the rest of your life alone,Copy !req
388. dressed in black,Copy !req
389. listening to angry music,
and staying up all night.Copy !req
390. Yes, I can, 'cause I'm Batman.Copy !req
391. But don't you think it's timeCopy !req
392. you finally faced your greatest fear?Copy !req
393. - Snakes?
- No.Copy !req
394. - Clowns?
- No.Copy !req
395. Snake clowns?Copy !req
396. Bruce, listen.Copy !req
397. Your greatest fear isCopy !req
398. being a part of a family again.Copy !req
399. Nope. Now it's snake clowns,
because you put that idea in my head.Copy !req
400. - Sir?
- Time for push-ups!Copy !req
401. One, two... We're going to 1,000.Copy !req
402. I'm afraid that's not possible, sir.Copy !req
403. It is possible. I'm already at 20.Copy !req
404. You're scheduled to go to
Jim Gordon's retirement party.Copy !req
405. What? No. I don't wanna do that.Copy !req
406. - You're going to have a great time!
- No, no, no.Copy !req
407. You might meet some new people!Copy !req
408. No, no, no!Copy !req
409. You could even make some new friends.Copy !req
410. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
411. No!Copy !req
412. And before you go,
we can do your favorite thing.Copy !req
413. Tuxedo dress-up party.Copy !req
414. Sir, aren't you forgetting something?Copy !req
415. - Nope.
- Your cowl.Copy !req
416. My what, now?Copy !req
417. Your armored face disguise?Copy !req
418. Fine.Copy !req
419. - Happy now?
- Indubitably.Copy !req
420. Good. Must be nice to be happy.Copy !req
421. Tonight, on Metropolis in Focus,Copy !req
422. we have our favorite star, Superman!Copy !req
423. What up, Gotham!Copy !req
424. Superman, tell me.
How do you feelCopy !req
425. about your recent banishment
of Zod to the Phantom Zone?Copy !req
426. Yeah, look, Pippa, it's...
It's complicated. Okay?Copy !req
427. Zod and I, we've had some
pretty epic battles over the years.Copy !req
428. I don't believe I would be Superman
without fighting Zod.Copy !req
429. See? Superman gets it.
Why can't Batman?Copy !req
430. Check it out, guys.
I built a CD rack. Ta-da!Copy !req
431. And how am I supposed to get
Batman's respectCopy !req
432. when I'm working
with these human farts?Copy !req
433. Boo-boo, look at me.Copy !req
434. You're too good for Batman.
He needs to open his eyesCopy !req
435. and see what it feels like
when you're not around. Okay?Copy !req
436. Yeah, Pippa. I couldn't put Zod
in a regular prison, right?Copy !req
437. He's Zod. Come on!Copy !req
438. No, he needed to go someplaceCopy !req
439. where he could never harm
Metropolis ever again.Copy !req
440. The Phantom Zone.Copy !req
441. Ah, yes, the notorious space jailCopy !req
442. that houses the greatest
super-villains of all time.Copy !req
443. They've got, like,
the sickest baddies up there.Copy !req
444. They got, like, this guy.Copy !req
445. - And her.
- I'll get you, my pretty!Copy !req
446. - To say nothing about him.
- Wingardium Leviosa!Copy !req
447. And these guys.Copy !req
448. Exterminate!Copy !req
449. I'm starting to get an idea,
monkey face.Copy !req
450. Bruce, over here!Copy !req
451. Okay, shutterbugs.
Look alive, here we go.Copy !req
452. I'm gonna give you three poses. You ready?Copy !req
453. Kissy face.Copy !req
454. Oops, I did it again.Copy !req
455. And the Bad Boys. What you gonna do?Copy !req
456. I'm out of here, guys. Thank you.Copy !req
457. - Congresswoman.
- Mr. Wayne, good to see you.Copy !req
458. - Senator, looking great.
- Bruce.Copy !req
459. I'm starting with
the man in the mirrorCopy !req
460. Bruce, any advice
for the new commissioner?Copy !req
461. Long as he knows how to push the button
for the Bat-Signal, he'll be fine.Copy !req
462. Bruce, I don't know how you did it.Copy !req
463. You can't prove it, you didn't do it.Copy !req
464. Mr. Wayne, so great to see you!
Come and join us!Copy !req
465. Mr. Prime Minister.Copy !req
466. Did you have some work done?Copy !req
467. No way!Copy !req
468. Bruce Wayne!Copy !req
469. He's the greatest orphan of all time.Copy !req
470. Shamon
ShamonCopy !req
471. - Nice to see you, Mr. Ambassador.
- Mr. Wayne!Copy !req
472. - You want a picture?
- That would be swell!Copy !req
473. Here we go. Party face!Copy !req
474. Boom. Keep it.Copy !req
475. Whoa! Thanks, Mr. Wayne.Copy !req
476. Call me Bruce, champ.Copy !req
477. I'm just so jazzed to meet you, sir.Copy !req
478. I'm sorry, did you say "jazzed"?Copy !req
479. Yes! My name's Richard Grayson,Copy !req
480. but all the kids at the orphanage
call me Dick.Copy !req
481. - Well, children can be cruel.
- Yeah.Copy !req
482. - Great to see you, Bruce.
- Nice to see you, sir.Copy !req
483. - So, I had a question for you, sir.
- Okay, hit me with it.Copy !req
484. Do you have any advice
on how to get adopted?Copy !req
485. - Oh, yeah.
- Oh, you do?Copy !req
486. - Mr. Wayne, can I get an autograph?
- Sure.Copy !req
487. Um, all right, for example,
is teeth whitener a good idea?Copy !req
488. - Yes. There you go, pal.
- Thanks!Copy !req
489. - Really?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
490. - Looking good, Bruce.
- Thank you so much.Copy !req
491. How about eyeliner
or a foreign language?Copy !req
492. - Try both.
- Bueno.Copy !req
493. Look, it's the new commissioner!Copy !req
494. - Where? Oh, she's with the mayor!
- Okay. Let's see.Copy !req
495. Here she is, everyone!Copy !req
496. - Oh, my darling!
- Hi, Dad.Copy !req
497. Mr. Wayne?Copy !req
498. Should I get experimental surgery
to make my eyes largerCopy !req
499. and more vulnerable-looking?Copy !req
500. Uh, do that.Copy !req
501. Uh, Mr. Wayne?Copy !req
502. Are you currently in the market
to adopt a child?Copy !req
503. - Yeah.
- Really?Copy !req
504. - Oh, yeah.
- Wow.Copy !req
505. Are you looking for more
of a base model orphanCopy !req
506. - or one that has more upgraded features?
- Yep.Copy !req
507. Like cooking or driftwood art?Copy !req
508. - Gymnastic abilities?
- Yep. Yep.Copy !req
509. Close-up street magic à la David Blaine?Copy !req
510. - All of it sounds great.
- Really?Copy !req
511. Because all of it sounds like me.Copy !req
512. Mr. Wayne, do you think you'd be
interested in adopting meCopy !req
513. as your future orphan son?Copy !req
514. Definitely.Copy !req
515. Oh, this is great!Copy !req
516. Because all I want is to get adopted,
so I can finally stop beingCopy !req
517. alone.Copy !req
518. We've gathered here tonightCopy !req
519. to mark the retirement of Jim Gordon.Copy !req
520. Goodbye.Copy !req
521. And we wish him well
on his South African jungle safari!Copy !req
522. Thank you.Copy !req
523. Now, to introduce youCopy !req
524. to his exciting new replacement.Copy !req
525. Everyone, meet your new commissioner!Copy !req
526. Meet Barbara Gordon!Copy !req
527. - The new commissioner of Gotham City!
- Whoa!Copy !req
528. She was top of her class
at Harvard for Police.Copy !req
529. She cleaned up the streets
of Gotham's nearby sister city BlüdhavenCopy !req
530. using statisticsCopy !req
531. and compassion.Copy !req
532. And now she's bringing her new ideasCopy !req
533. and her nunchucks to Gotham City.Copy !req
534. Congratulations, darling.Copy !req
535. - Thanks, Dad.
- Here she is, everyone!Copy !req
536. Thank you! Thanks!Copy !req
537. Hurray!Copy !req
538. Ms. Gordon, over here!Copy !req
539. - Big smile!
- Wow.Copy !req
540. Thank you for the oversized key
to Arkham Asylum.Copy !req
541. And, uh, what's this?Copy !req
542. Thank you for the switch
to the Bat-Signal.Copy !req
543. Nice.Copy !req
544. Dad, you've always done a great job
protecting Gotham City.Copy !req
545. Flip! That's me.Copy !req
546. Thank you.
Along with Batman, of course.Copy !req
547. Whoo! Let's hear it for Batman!Copy !req
548. Who I wish was here right now.Copy !req
549. Oh, I'm sure he's listening.Copy !req
550. I'd like to ask all of you a question.Copy !req
551. Are you fed up with crime?Copy !req
552. - Uh-huh. We're all tired of crime.
- Yeah, we're sick of it.Copy !req
553. Great. Then let's talk about
real improvementsCopy !req
554. that will end the cycle of crime.Copy !req
555. I've got a four-point pilot program
that I'd love to share with you.Copy !req
556. I wanna hear all four points.Copy !req
557. - It's called...
- I am ready.Copy !req
558. It takes a village...Copy !req
559. Best opening to a title ever.Copy !req
560. Not a Batman.Copy !req
561. - Waiter.
- Sir?Copy !req
562. - Can I?
- Of course.Copy !req
563. - Thank you.
- My pleasure.Copy !req
564. Thanks so much.Copy !req
565. - What?
- Look.Copy !req
566. Batman's been on the job
for a very, very, very,Copy !req
567. very, very, very, very, very long time.Copy !req
568. He has aged phenomenally.Copy !req
569. However, despite all the great work
Batman has done for us,Copy !req
570. Gotham City is still the most
crime-ridden city in the world.Copy !req
571. - She's got a great point.
- Interesting.Copy !req
572. Historically speaking, that is accurate.Copy !req
573. - He hasn't captured Riddler.
- You know, she's right.Copy !req
574. He hasn't captured Bane.Copy !req
575. - Huh!
- Or Catwoman.Copy !req
576. Or Two-Face,
or any of Gotham's other villains!Copy !req
577. He's not good at his job.Copy !req
578. Including the Joker!Copy !req
579. She's making a lot of sense.Copy !req
580. Excuse me. I'm so sorry. Excuse me.Copy !req
581. We love you, Barbara!Copy !req
582. - Yes.
- Hi. Bruce Wayne.Copy !req
583. Billionaire, bon vivant,
gallivanter, playboy,Copy !req
584. Gotham's most eligible bachelor,
like, 90 years in a row.Copy !req
585. - That's me right there.
- I know who you are, Mr. Wayne.Copy !req
586. You bet you do. Quick quest,
what is your problem with Batman,Copy !req
587. and also, what the heck, dude?Copy !req
588. I'm glad you asked, Mr. Wayne.Copy !req
589. I'm not a Batman hater.Copy !req
590. But we don't need
an unsupervised adult manCopy !req
591. karate-chopping poor people
in a Halloween costume.Copy !req
592. We need to take
what's good about Batman...Copy !req
593. and marry it to actual laws
and proper ethicsCopy !req
594. and accountability.Copy !req
595. I hate everything you just said.Copy !req
596. Because my dream is for the police force
to team up with Batman.Copy !req
597. Waiter.Copy !req
598. Wouldn't that be better?Copy !req
599. And I know that, together,
the world's greatest detective...Copy !req
600. and Gotham's finestCopy !req
601. could clean up
these crime-ridden streets.Copy !req
602. Forever.Copy !req
603. Everybody, get down!Copy !req
604. Grand entrance!Copy !req
605. Everyone! Make your way
to the exits immediately!Copy !req
606. Run!Copy !req
607. Team Bane, block the exits.Copy !req
608. Going somewhere?Copy !req
609. Clayface, Freeze, bring me
the new Commissioner Gordon.Copy !req
610. - We're on it.
- Cool.Copy !req
611. And, Harley, you know what to do.Copy !req
612. I sure do.Copy !req
613. It's time for Operation
"Take Out the Laundry."Copy !req
614. Butler One, this is Bat One.
Do you copy?Copy !req
615. - Go ahead, Bat One.
- I need my armored face disguise, now!Copy !req
616. Only if you say the magic word.Copy !req
617. - Now!
- No.Copy !req
618. - You're fired.
- No. Sir, we'll talk about thisCopy !req
619. back at the Batcave.Copy !req
620. - Hey, 'Puter.
- Yes?Copy !req
621. Initialize masterbuild music.Copy !req
622. Right away.Copy !req
623. Collateral damage assessment
suggests the Scuttler, sir.Copy !req
624. Good plan.Copy !req
625. Madam Mayor, stay close to me.Copy !req
626. Head for the south exit.Copy !req
627. Now, ma'am.Copy !req
628. Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
629. Honey, let Batman take care of it.Copy !req
630. Dad, I got this.Copy !req
631. Scuttler online.Copy !req
632. Chief O'Hara, we're coming in hot!Copy !req
633. I'm almost there.Copy !req
634. Chief, get the mayor to safety.Copy !req
635. Computer,
I've got the Joker in my sights.Copy !req
636. Team, I got the Joker in my sights.Copy !req
637. Joker!Copy !req
638. Joker.Copy !req
639. Uh, excuse me? I was about to—Copy !req
640. Push the Bat-Signal? Good call.
I like your instincts.Copy !req
641. I've got a surprise for you guys.Copy !req
642. And it's gonna make you smile.Copy !req
643. Uh-oh! His smile is our grimace.Copy !req
644. Everybody, get down.Copy !req
645. - I...
- Joker, no!Copy !req
646. surrender.Copy !req
647. What?Copy !req
648. Uh, what did you just say?Copy !req
649. I said, "I surrender."Copy !req
650. Joker, what are you doing?Copy !req
651. I'm sorry, my Bat-ears
must be malfunctioningCopy !req
652. because it sounds—Copy !req
653. I surrender!Copy !req
654. Okay, you know what? Cool it.
You're a criminal.Copy !req
655. You run, and I catch you.Copy !req
656. Not anymore, Batman.Copy !req
657. You were right. There is no "us."Copy !req
658. So, there's no point
in me trying to fight you anymore.Copy !req
659. Therefore, I will be surrendering myselfCopy !req
660. to our strong-willed and
forward-thinking new commissioner.Copy !req
661. Blink, blink, blink.
Blinkety blink, blink, blink!Copy !req
662. That's really suspicious.Copy !req
663. Yeah, it is. What are you up to, Joker?Copy !req
664. I just wanna go to Arkham
and pay for all of my crimes.Copy !req
665. Blink, blink, blink.
Blinkety blink, blink, blink!Copy !req
666. Are you actually saying "blink"?Copy !req
667. No! Blink, blink, blink.Copy !req
668. Joker! That's enough.Copy !req
669. Okay, Babs. I got this.Copy !req
670. Not so fast, Batman.
You can't fight me anymore.Copy !req
671. I'm off the market.Copy !req
672. What are you talking about?Copy !req
673. I'm off the menu.Copy !req
674. You won't get to fight
any of this anymore.Copy !req
675. Man, am I sorry I asked.Copy !req
676. Anyway, have fun in jail and—Copy !req
677. Batman, what are you doing?Copy !req
678. Punching Bane.Copy !req
679. That was unnecessary.Copy !req
680. Oh, no, you can't fight Bane
anymore either.Copy !req
681. Really?Copy !req
682. Yeah. Or Riddler.Copy !req
683. Or Catwoman. Or Condiment King.Copy !req
684. Why not?Copy !req
685. Because we're all surrendering.
Right, guys?Copy !req
686. We are?Copy !req
687. Yes!Copy !req
688. Riddle me this.
What just happened?Copy !req
689. It's the end of crime!Copy !req
690. All right!Copy !req
691. - That was amazing!
- Over here, over here!Copy !req
692. - You did it!
- Yeah, of course I did. I'm—Copy !req
693. Sorry, not you.
We're talking to Commissioner Gordon.Copy !req
694. - Well, it was a team effort.
- I got this, Babs.Copy !req
695. Commissioner, how do you feel?Copy !req
696. Amazing! This is a great first day.Copy !req
697. Okay.Copy !req
698. - Question for Batman.
- Shoot.Copy !req
699. What are you gonna do
with the rest of your life?Copy !req
700. What do you mean,
the rest of my life?Copy !req
701. We don't need a vigilante crime fighter
now that there's no more crime.Copy !req
702. Uh, yes, you do.Copy !req
703. You can spend some quality time
with your family.Copy !req
704. My...Copy !req
705. Okay, Batman. We'll take it from here.Copy !req
706. All right, listen up.Copy !req
707. All of you have
the right to remain silent.Copy !req
708. Let's roll out!Copy !req
709. Toodle-oo, Batman!Copy !req
710. - Bye, Batman.
- Au revoir, Batman.Copy !req
711. Bye, Batman.Copy !req
712. Bye, Batman!Copy !req
713. Today is a victoryCopy !req
714. for the citizens of Gotham City!Copy !req
715. No more crime!
No more crime! No more crime!Copy !req
716. No more crime! No more crime!
No more crime!Copy !req
717. No more crime! No more crime!
No more crime!Copy !req
718. Is everything okay, sir?Copy !req
719. You've barely touched
your lobster thermidor.Copy !req
720. I don't have time to eat
lobster thermidor right now!Copy !req
721. Warrior two.Copy !req
722. Pigeon pose. Tree pose.Copy !req
723. Tree pose.Copy !req
724. Hey, Batman!Copy !req
725. Barbara!Copy !req
726. What are you doing?Copy !req
727. Nothing. I have a very full life.Copy !req
728. No, I mean, what are you doing here?Copy !req
729. Surveillance. On the Joker.Copy !req
730. Batman, we both know
the Joker's up to something.Copy !req
731. Well, then we can't just let him
run around loose in a prison.Copy !req
732. He's not loose.Copy !req
733. He has to go someplace outside the law.Copy !req
734. - Outside the law?
- Yeah.Copy !req
735. Somewhere like, uh...Copy !req
736. Hi, there. I'm here
from Phantom's Own Laundry.Copy !req
737. Here to take that bad stuff
off your hands.Copy !req
738. Wait, that's it! The Phantom Zone.Copy !req
739. The Phantom Zone? No way!Copy !req
740. That is super illegal
and way outside our jurisdiction.Copy !req
741. So, why don't you and I work togetherCopy !req
742. inside the law,
to figure out what he's up to?Copy !req
743. Batman works alone.
That's my motto. Copyright Batman.Copy !req
744. Batman, there are no more vigilantes
allowed in Gotham City.Copy !req
745. Okay. Totally got it.Copy !req
746. Then I have to go into
double-secret super vigilante mode.Copy !req
747. You said that out loud.Copy !req
748. I know that she said I said that out loud,
but there's no way I did.Copy !req
749. She has no idea what's going on
in my super-mind.Copy !req
750. Super-mind?Copy !req
751. Smoke bomb!Copy !req
752. Computer, how do I put the Joker
in the Phantom Zone?Copy !req
753. Quickest route, no freeways.Copy !req
754. 'Puter, do you hear me?Copy !req
755. Hello, Master Bruce.Copy !req
756. Alfred, there's something wrong
with the Batcomputer. Watch this.Copy !req
757. 'Puter. Nothing.Copy !req
758. 'Puter. Do you see what I'm saying?Copy !req
759. There's nothing wrong with it, sir.Copy !req
760. I have just taken away
your computer privileges.Copy !req
761. The parental lock? You can't do that.Copy !req
762. Oh, I can. I've been readingCopy !req
763. Setting Limits
for Your Out-of-Control Child.Copy !req
764. You know what? Doesn't matter,Copy !req
765. 'cause I have
a double-secret super passwordCopy !req
766. that unlocks the parental lock.Copy !req
767. You mean, "Alfred da Butt-ler,"
with two T's?Copy !req
768. Sir, it's time for you
to stop this unhealthy behavior.Copy !req
769. No, it's not.Copy !req
770. You need to take responsibility
for your life.Copy !req
771. Not right now, I don't.Copy !req
772. And it starts by raising your son.Copy !req
773. I'm sorry.Copy !req
774. I literally have no idea
what you're talking about.Copy !req
775. The young orphan you adopted
at the gala. Remember?Copy !req
776. Wow! Stairs. Whee!Copy !req
777. He's been living here for the past week.Copy !req
778. Hello, table! Boom!Copy !req
779. And I must say,
I've grown rather fond of the young lad.Copy !req
780. Hello, secret camera.Copy !req
781. You should get to know him.Copy !req
782. We are familyCopy !req
783. - You and he have a lot in common.
- En garde.Copy !req
784. Hello, family photos.Copy !req
785. He lost his parents
at a very young age.Copy !req
786. I've always wanted one of those.Copy !req
787. Doesn't he deserve a chance for someone
to take him under their wing,Copy !req
788. as I took you under mine?Copy !req
789. Alfred, you've been watching
way too many Lifetime moviesCopy !req
790. and drinking chardonnay.Copy !req
791. - It's Pinot grigio, sir.
- Whatever it is.Copy !req
792. Listen, you don't have a family.Copy !req
793. You're satisfied serving me.Copy !req
794. So what do you know about
having a surrogate son?Copy !req
795. Now, I'm gonna go fight crimeCopy !req
796. while you put that kid on the next jet
to the orphanage. Got it?Copy !req
797. As you wish, sir.Copy !req
798. Whoops-a-daisy.Copy !req
799. Wait, what are you doing?Copy !req
800. Dusting.Copy !req
801. You can't let him into the Batcave!Copy !req
802. I'm not. I'm letting him into your lifeCopy !req
803. via the Batcave.Copy !req
804. What?Copy !req
805. It's the Batcave!Copy !req
806. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
807. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
808. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
809. Batman! Whoa!Copy !req
810. You're darn right, "Whoa."Copy !req
811. Wait, does Batman live
in Bruce Wayne's basement?Copy !req
812. No. Bruce Wayne lives in Batman's attic.Copy !req
813. - We can have sleepovers every night!
- No, we can't.Copy !req
814. - Wow! Look, it's the Bat-Sub!
- Wait, don't touch that!Copy !req
815. Over there, it's the Bat-Space shuttle.Copy !req
816. Please, keep your hands off that.Copy !req
817. - Look, it's the Bat-Zeppelin!
- Don't touch that either!Copy !req
818. - It's the Bat-Train!
- No!Copy !req
819. - It's the Bat-Kayak.
- No!Copy !req
820. - It's the Bat-Dune buggy.
- No!Copy !req
821. It's the Bat shark repellent?Copy !req
822. Uh, actually, you can touch that.
It's completely useless.Copy !req
823. Whoa! Thanks, Batman!Copy !req
824. Please, stand over there.Copy !req
825. And don't touch, look at, or do anythingCopy !req
826. for the remaining moments
you have in my presence.Copy !req
827. Okay, cool.Copy !req
828. - Computer.
- Go ahead.Copy !req
829. How do I put the Joker
in the Phantom Zone?Copy !req
830. Joker can only be put in the Phantom ZoneCopy !req
831. using the Phantom Zone Projector.Copy !req
832. Current location,Copy !req
833. Superman's Fortress of SolitudeCopy !req
834. inside the Atomic Cauldron.Copy !req
835. However, only a person that isn't
shredded, ripped, or extremely swollCopy !req
836. can enter the cauldron.Copy !req
837. Ugh, I'm way too buff.Copy !req
838. You also have beautiful abs, sir.Copy !req
839. That's my cross to bear.Copy !req
840. Additionally, once inside the cauldron,Copy !req
841. multiple Kryptonian
defense systems engage,Copy !req
842. including the Acid Moat,
Ring of Napalm,Copy !req
843. and the Jaws of Death.Copy !req
844. Chance of total mission failure is 110%.Copy !req
845. Those are not great odds.Copy !req
846. Wait a minute.Copy !req
847. - Hey, kid.
- Yes, sir?Copy !req
848. - You're super nimble, right?
- I sure am!Copy !req
849. - And small?
- Very.Copy !req
850. - And quiet?
- When I desire to be.Copy !req
851. And 110% expendable?Copy !req
852. I don't know what that means,
but okay.Copy !req
853. Great. Follow me.Copy !req
854. We are gonna steal
the Phantom Zone Projector from Superman.Copy !req
855. - Steal?
- Yeah.Copy !req
856. We have to right a wrong.Copy !req
857. And, sometimes, in order to right a wrong,
you have to do a wrong-right.Copy !req
858. Gandhi said that.Copy !req
859. Are we sure Gandhi said that?Copy !req
860. - I'm paraphrasing.
- Cool!Copy !req
861. Preparing Fortress of Solitude
infiltration gear.Copy !req
862. Wow! Look at all these!Copy !req
863. Do I get a costume for the mission, too?Copy !req
864. I got a feeling that you'll just look
like a kid on Halloween.Copy !req
865. Don't you think?Copy !req
866. Don't touch that.Copy !req
867. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
868. - El Mariachi.
- I like that one!Copy !req
869. - That one is culturally insensitive.
- Night Terror.Copy !req
870. - That one!
- No way.Copy !req
871. - This one?
- Death Merchant.Copy !req
872. - No.
- I'm okay.Copy !req
873. - This one.
- Fire Starter.Copy !req
874. - This one.
- Clawed Reigns.Copy !req
875. - Excali-Bat.
- This one?Copy !req
876. - Silent but Deadly.
- Nope.Copy !req
877. Bat-ryshnikov.Copy !req
878. How do we feel about this one?Copy !req
879. Dress-up parties are for grown-ups only.Copy !req
880. Wait. What's that one there?Copy !req
881. That one was for
the assignment calledCopy !req
882. The Jamaican Caper.Copy !req
883. The locals called me Reggae Man.Copy !req
884. I love it!Copy !req
885. Ah! Feels like I was poured into this.Copy !req
886. My only trouble is,Copy !req
887. these pants are just a little tight.Copy !req
888. I don't know if I could throw a kick
or jump in them.Copy !req
889. I got an idea. Rip! That's better!Copy !req
890. Now I'm free, now I'm moving.Copy !req
891. Come on, Batman. Let's get grooving!Copy !req
892. I can only look you
in the eyes right now.Copy !req
893. - Sir, what are you doing?
- What do you mean?Copy !req
894. Why is Master Dick dressed like that?Copy !req
895. How dare you tell me
how to parent my kid I just met?Copy !req
896. To the Batmobile!Copy !req
897. Hot-diggity-dog!Copy !req
898. Vehicle rotisserie engaged.Copy !req
899. Retrieving the Speedwagon.Copy !req
900. Atomic batteries to power.Copy !req
901. Turbines to speed.Copy !req
902. Hey, kid. Let's go.Copy !req
903. - Oh, shoot!
- What?Copy !req
904. I probably shouldn't leaveCopy !req
905. until I get the thumbs up
from my new old man, Bruce Wayne.Copy !req
906. Uh, yeah. Here's the thing.Copy !req
907. Bruno and I decidedCopy !req
908. to share custody of you.Copy !req
909. So I get a sayCopy !req
910. and you're mission approved.Copy !req
911. No way! Is this really happening?Copy !req
912. Yeah.Copy !req
913. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
914. A month ago, I had no dads.Copy !req
915. Then I had one dad. Now I have two dads!Copy !req
916. - And one of them is Batman!
- Yeah.Copy !req
917. It's raining dads!Copy !req
918. So,Copy !req
919. are you ready to follow BatmanCopy !req
920. and maybe learn a few
life lessons along the way?Copy !req
921. I sure am, Dad Two!Copy !req
922. But first, where's the seatbelt?Copy !req
923. The first lesson is,Copy !req
924. life doesn't give you seatbelts!Copy !req
925. - Let's go!
- Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
926. Yes!Copy !req
927. Faster, Dad! Faster!Copy !req
928. - Whoo!
- Yeah!Copy !req
929. - Whoo!
- Yeah!Copy !req
930. Yes, yes, yes!Copy !req
931. Oh! Oh, my goodness.
I am so sorry.Copy !req
932. Get back up in that seat. There you go.Copy !req
933. Hey, listen.
As soon as I get back to the Batcave,Copy !req
934. I'll make sure that
Alfred puts seatbelts on there, okay?Copy !req
935. But for the time being,
I'm just gonna put my arm right here.Copy !req
936. And we're just gonna
gently ease out of here.Copy !req
937. And here we go.Copy !req
938. Okay. Like all superheroes,Copy !req
939. Superman has zero friends,
and he spends most of his timeCopy !req
940. basking in sweet, sweet isolation,
here at his alone palace.Copy !req
941. So, I'll keep him busyCopy !req
942. while you sneak into that vent
and get the Projector. Got it?Copy !req
943. Copy that! Oh, here's an idea.
I could also—Copy !req
944. Whoa, whoa.
Don't even finish that thought.Copy !req
945. See this counter?
These are all the good ideas Batman has.Copy !req
946. And no one else has ever had
any good ideas. So don't even try.Copy !req
947. Your super power...Copy !req
948. is excellent listening
and execution of my ideas.Copy !req
949. - Let's try it out.
- Cool!Copy !req
950. Drop to the ground. Do a backflip.Copy !req
951. Do a front flip. Triple Axel.Copy !req
952. Plié. Relevé. Jeté.
Pythagorean theorem.Copy !req
953. A squared plus B squared equals C squared.Copy !req
954. Physicalize it!Copy !req
955. A squared plus B squaredCopy !req
956. equals C squared.Copy !req
957. - How'd I do, Dad?
- Mediocre.Copy !req
958. Yes!Copy !req
959. And don't call me "Dad."
Now, begin mission.Copy !req
960. Yes, Papa.Copy !req
961. "Papa" falls into the "Dad" category.Copy !req
962. 'Sup, Supes?Copy !req
963. Wow. It's Batman.Copy !req
964. And he's at my house.Copy !req
965. Right now.Copy !req
966. What are you doing here?Copy !req
967. Don't worry about it, dawg.
I'm not here to throw down or anything.Copy !req
968. Uh, no, I would crush you.Copy !req
969. Okay. Sure, sure, sure.Copy !req
970. Hey, listen. Thank me later,Copy !req
971. but I just happened to be in the hood.Copy !req
972. And I figured that you could
probably use the...Copy !req
973. company.Copy !req
974. Wait a minute.Copy !req
975. Are you... Are you havingCopy !req
976. the "57th Annual Justice
League Anniversary Party"Copy !req
977. - without me?
- No.Copy !req
978. No! No! No!Copy !req
979. No! There must have been
some mistake with the email.Copy !req
980. That's crazy, man.Copy !req
981. Totally! Yes, email mistakes
happen all the time.Copy !req
982. Sometimes I don't get
Superman's emails forCopy !req
983. years.Copy !req
984. Great point, G.L. Great point.Copy !req
985. All right.
Well, that clears up everything, right?Copy !req
986. Enjoy the party, bro.Copy !req
987. Hit it, DJ Wonder Dog.Copy !req
988. I'm Superman at the super partyCopy !req
989. I'm Superman at the super partyCopy !req
990. Hey-heyCopy !req
991. Hey, Batman.
Do you wanna take a quick pic?Copy !req
992. Sure. Where do you want me?Copy !req
993. Right there is perfect.Copy !req
994. - Here's the camera.
- Oh.Copy !req
995. Okay, party people, get together.Copy !req
996. Yeah. Everybody say—Copy !req
997. Super Friends!Copy !req
998. Let me see it! Let me see!Copy !req
999. Classic! We got everyone.Copy !req
1000. Yeah, everyone.Copy !req
1001. Thanks, Batman.Copy !req
1002. Yeah, no problem. I did, like, a burst.Copy !req
1003. This party is the bomb!Copy !req
1004. Look at me! More like
Martian Dance Hunter, am I right?Copy !req
1005. 'Puter, call kid.Copy !req
1006. Bat-Dad?Copy !req
1007. How's it going?Copy !req
1008. 'Cause everything is
going great down here.Copy !req
1009. I can see the target.Copy !req
1010. But there's some kind of
laser energy thingCopy !req
1011. that I can't get through.Copy !req
1012. Okay. I'll see if I can shut it off.Copy !req
1013. But I'm gonna have to make up
an excuse to leave this partyCopy !req
1014. without anyone noticing.Copy !req
1015. Bye.Copy !req
1016. Kid, tell me when it's off, all right?Copy !req
1017. - Now?
- No.Copy !req
1018. - Now?
- No.Copy !req
1019. - Now?
- Not quite.Copy !req
1020. - Now?
- No.Copy !req
1021. - My son...
- No.Copy !req
1022. These irreplaceable crystals
contain all my knowledge,Copy !req
1023. which I now pass on to...Copy !req
1024. Darn it. It's gotta be one of these.
Is this the one?Copy !req
1025. O.M. gosh! You did it, Padre!
It's off!Copy !req
1026. Okay.Copy !req
1027. Now you gotta make your way
to the Atomic CauldronCopy !req
1028. and get that Phantom Zone Projector.Copy !req
1029. - Do exactly as I say.
- 10-4!Copy !req
1030. Okay. Jump!Copy !req
1031. Do a front flip. Do a backflip.Copy !req
1032. Run, run, run. Drop.Copy !req
1033. That's excellent listening.Copy !req
1034. Shimmy.Copy !req
1035. Strafe-left. Strafe-right.Copy !req
1036. Avoid.Copy !req
1037. Hey, I was thinking.
If I'm gonna be a superhero,Copy !req
1038. and go on awesome superhero missions
like this one, can we use code names?Copy !req
1039. Mine can be Robin.Copy !req
1040. - I'm sorry, say that again?
- Robin!Copy !req
1041. As in the small, Midwestern frail bird?Copy !req
1042. Yeah, and I already have a catch phrase.
Tweet, tweet, on the street.Copy !req
1043. - Hard pass.
- And a song.Copy !req
1044. Fly, Robin, flyCopy !req
1045. Harder pass. Now slide!Copy !req
1046. Okay, kid. I'm gonna teach youCopy !req
1047. how to masterbuild your way
inside that thing.Copy !req
1048. Yay!Copy !req
1049. Grab those 2x6's, pull out the axle studs,Copy !req
1050. disconnect the 6x10 plates.Copy !req
1051. Like this?Copy !req
1052. Whoa! Unbelievable obeying.Copy !req
1053. Now, let's ride.Copy !req
1054. Toes to the nose.Copy !req
1055. Now you're gleaming the cube.Copy !req
1056. - Yeah!
- Now, get creative.Copy !req
1057. Freestyle a little bit.
Oh, that's good, kid!Copy !req
1058. It's like looking in a Bat-mirror.Copy !req
1059. Okay. Leap.Copy !req
1060. - I've got the Projector, Dad.
- Booyah!Copy !req
1061. Now do everything we just did backwards.Copy !req
1062. Oh.Copy !req
1063. Oh! Here you go, Dad. We did it!Copy !req
1064. Yeah! Mission accomplished.
That was fun!Copy !req
1065. You okay, Batman?
You seem the opposite of stern.Copy !req
1066. Yeah, I'm fine. It's justCopy !req
1067. watching you out there,Copy !req
1068. it was like the world wasn't
all darkness anymore.Copy !req
1069. For a brief momentCopy !req
1070. I could have sworn I felt something.Copy !req
1071. That feeling is pride, sir.Copy !req
1072. You're right.Copy !req
1073. I am super proud.Copy !req
1074. Of myself.Copy !req
1075. For being such
a good teacher, obviously.Copy !req
1076. Yeah, you're a great teacher.Copy !req
1077. I am?Copy !req
1078. Yeah! I wanna be just like you
when I grow up, Padre!Copy !req
1079. Wait, what did you call me?Copy !req
1080. I called you Padre.Copy !req
1081. It's Spanish for "Dad." Sorry.Copy !req
1082. Well, isn't it also a cool Spanish way
to say "buddy"?Copy !req
1083. Yeah, I could've been
saying it that way.Copy !req
1084. Then I'll allow it.Copy !req
1085. Oh, you're such a great padre!Copy !req
1086. What are you doing?Copy !req
1087. I'm trying to give you a big old hug.Copy !req
1088. Thought you were attacking me.Copy !req
1089. Hey, you up for another
top secret superhero missionCopy !req
1090. to defeat the Joker?Copy !req
1091. Oh, I am down to stop that clown.Copy !req
1092. But I don't wanna make
my other dad, Bruce Wayne, angry.Copy !req
1093. Do you think we'll be done
before my bedtime?Copy !req
1094. Bedtime?Copy !req
1095. Batman's life lesson number two.Copy !req
1096. Vigilantes don't have bedtimes.Copy !req
1097. Yes!Copy !req
1098. So, what's the vigilante policy
on cookies?Copy !req
1099. Unlimited!Copy !req
1100. All right, kid.
We need to avoid Commissioner Gordon.Copy !req
1101. So, lesson number three.Copy !req
1102. When going stealth,Copy !req
1103. you gotta hide every part of you,
physically and emotionally.Copy !req
1104. - Got it?
- Yeah!Copy !req
1105. Already failed.Copy !req
1106. Now, what I need you to doCopy !req
1107. is use the naturally dark areas
of your costume,Copy !req
1108. and integrate into the dark parts
of this environment.Copy !req
1109. Okay.Copy !req
1110. - Can you see me?
- Yes.Copy !req
1111. - How about now?
- Yes.Copy !req
1112. - What about now? Now?
- Yes.Copy !req
1113. Yes. You're a goner, kid.Copy !req
1114. - Batman?
- Barbara!Copy !req
1115. Batman? Batman!Copy !req
1116. Hey, there. Look at you.Copy !req
1117. - Who's this?
- Hi, police lady.Copy !req
1118. - Is that your son?
- Yes, I am.Copy !req
1119. Is that my son...
No, that's just weird.Copy !req
1120. It's weirder if it's not your son.Copy !req
1121. Right. No, I don't...Copy !req
1122. I'm not in a relationship or anything.Copy !req
1123. I could have a kid.Copy !req
1124. I mean, if I met the right lady,Copy !req
1125. and if she was just standing
right in front of me,Copy !req
1126. and we looked at each other and thought,
"Hey, let's do this."Copy !req
1127. "Let's be together."Copy !req
1128. - Batman?
- Yes?Copy !req
1129. I hope you're back because you've decided
to work togetherCopy !req
1130. on the Joker case.Copy !req
1131. Uh...Copy !req
1132. Yeah. Absolutely!Copy !req
1133. Great.Copy !req
1134. Ooh. Arkham Asylum.Copy !req
1135. - So, before we question the Joker...
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
1136. I'm gonna need you to hand
over all your weapons.Copy !req
1137. I mean, I don't know if I have anything...Copy !req
1138. Oh!Copy !req
1139. I just got a couple here. There.Copy !req
1140. - Is that it?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1141. Oh. Of course.Copy !req
1142. What about the utility belt?
Anything in your cape?Copy !req
1143. Under your cowl?Copy !req
1144. And your shoes.Copy !req
1145. There we go.Copy !req
1146. Uh... This is really uncomfortable.Copy !req
1147. Sorry. My shoes are part of my pants.Copy !req
1148. Oops.Copy !req
1149. - Batman?
- Yes?Copy !req
1150. Why is your "not son"Copy !req
1151. trying to smuggle
the Phantom Zone Projector into Arkham?Copy !req
1152. What? Hey, kid. What is this?Copy !req
1153. Batman, give me
the Phantom Zone Projector.Copy !req
1154. - No.
- Batman!Copy !req
1155. Give me the Phantom Zone Projector!
Give it to me!Copy !req
1156. No, no, no! Whoa! Nice.Copy !req
1157. I studied Brazilian jiu-jitsu
at Harvard for Police.Copy !req
1158. Oh, yeah? Well, guess who got
a PhD in smoke bombs!Copy !req
1159. Dr. Batman.Copy !req
1160. Guards! Get them!Copy !req
1161. Freeze, Batman!Copy !req
1162. Hey, kid. This is a training exercise.
These guys are my bros.Copy !req
1163. - Go ahead and take a couple of them out.
- Cool!Copy !req
1164. Hey, Frank.Copy !req
1165. You want a piece of Robin?Copy !req
1166. Barney!
Nice compound fracture!Copy !req
1167. How'd you like a punch, Glen?Copy !req
1168. Code Red!Copy !req
1169. I need total security lockdown, now!Copy !req
1170. Om!Copy !req
1171. 'Sup, Joker?Copy !req
1172. Namaste, Batman.Copy !req
1173. - Namaste.
- Gross.Copy !req
1174. Ooh. Briefs man. Me, too.Copy !req
1175. Cut the baloney.
Kid, guard the door, will ya?Copy !req
1176. On it! Take that, Alan!Copy !req
1177. Huh. Looks like you're going to
a lot of trouble for little old me.Copy !req
1178. I must be your greatest enemy after all.Copy !req
1179. Right, Batman?Copy !req
1180. - I see what you're trying to do.
- And what is that?Copy !req
1181. You're trying to entrap me
into a relationship.Copy !req
1182. - Really?
- Yeah, and it's not gonna work.Copy !req
1183. Oh, yes, it is.Copy !req
1184. Because I'm inside your head.Copy !req
1185. - No, you're not!
- No, you're not!Copy !req
1186. I knew you'd say that.Copy !req
1187. - No, you didn't!
- No, you didn't!Copy !req
1188. And I knew you'd say that!Copy !req
1189. See? We aren't so different, I and you.Copy !req
1190. - It's, "you and I!"
- It's, "you and I!"Copy !req
1191. - Argh!
- Admit it. I'm your greatest enemy.Copy !req
1192. You're not my greatest enemy, Joker.Copy !req
1193. Okay, then send me to the Phantom Zone.Copy !req
1194. Fine, I will.Copy !req
1195. And prove I'm your greatest enemy.Copy !req
1196. Batman, don't do this.Copy !req
1197. As long as you're in the Phantom Zone,
I'll be saving Gotham City,Copy !req
1198. and that's all that matters to me.Copy !req
1199. Goodbye, Joker.Copy !req
1200. Oh, Batman, thank you!Copy !req
1201. Yes! That's what I call
saving the city again!Copy !req
1202. Batman, what are you doing?Copy !req
1203. I'm Batman-ing.Copy !req
1204. I'm Batman
I'm awesomeCopy !req
1205. I got a nine-packCopy !req
1206. Stop it!Copy !req
1207. Batman, I can't believe you did this.Copy !req
1208. Hi, police lady.Copy !req
1209. And even worse,Copy !req
1210. you've made this kid
into an accessory to your crime.Copy !req
1211. Sorry, kid.Copy !req
1212. That's okay, ma'am.Copy !req
1213. As long as I'm doing a dime
in the big house with my old man,Copy !req
1214. everything's gonna be A-okay.Copy !req
1215. Officers, take this Projector
to the evidence room.Copy !req
1216. - You got it.
- And get this man some pants.Copy !req
1217. I'm good the way I am.Copy !req
1218. B Go, why has nobody fist bumped me yet?Copy !req
1219. You know, when I was a kid,Copy !req
1220. I wanted to be you, Batman.Copy !req
1221. I wanted to be as strongCopy !req
1222. and as fast and as smart as Batman.Copy !req
1223. But you're not who I thought you were.Copy !req
1224. Uh... What do you mean?Copy !req
1225. You can't be a hero
if you only care about yourself.Copy !req
1226. Barbara, I...Copy !req
1227. I think you're underestimatingCopy !req
1228. the importance of the Joker
being in the Phantom Zone.Copy !req
1229. Really, it's kind of a stroke
of genius. All the...Copy !req
1230. Hey, where are you going?Copy !req
1231. I just put Joker in the one place
he can't do anyone any harm.Copy !req
1232. Yeah.Copy !req
1233. But what if you just gave Joker
exactly what he wanted?Copy !req
1234. Oh!Copy !req
1235. Whoa!Copy !req
1236. Look at this place!
Am I being too loud?Copy !req
1237. - Hi!
- Oh, my gosh!Copy !req
1238. Sorry. I always do that.Copy !req
1239. How about a warning next time?Copy !req
1240. You're so right, and I am so wrong.Copy !req
1241. Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy.Copy !req
1242. Yeah, bad guy.Copy !req
1243. - My name is Phyllis.
- Oh, that was my grandma's name.Copy !req
1244. Now hold still while I scan you.Copy !req
1245. Scanning for badness.Copy !req
1246. Trying to assess whether you are bad.Copy !req
1247. Ugh! Your whole thing screams "bad guy."Copy !req
1248. Oh, yeah. I'm a really bad person.Copy !req
1249. But with vulnerabilities.Copy !req
1250. Who, me? No way.Copy !req
1251. So, where do you keep
all the other bad people in this place?Copy !req
1252. They're standing right behind you.Copy !req
1253. Whoa!Copy !req
1254. Hi there, guys.Copy !req
1255. Lovely to meet you all. I'm the...Copy !req
1256. Oh, fist bump?
There we... Handshake?Copy !req
1257. It doesn't matter.
I'm the Joker.Copy !req
1258. Take a look at the new guy.Copy !req
1259. Guess they'll just let anybody in here.Copy !req
1260. Oh, no, no, no. I'm very bad, too.Copy !req
1261. They just showed a video montage—Copy !req
1262. - Boring!
- What?Copy !req
1263. - You're boring.
- He looks delicious.Copy !req
1264. Let's eat this guy.Copy !req
1265. Stop with the violence for just a second!Copy !req
1266. What if I told you
I could get you outta here?Copy !req
1267. I'm sorry, what'd you just say?Copy !req
1268. That's right. I'm so bad,Copy !req
1269. I got myself thrown into
this heck-hole on purpose!Copy !req
1270. I'm listening.Copy !req
1271. Count me interested.Copy !req
1272. Look, everyone here knowsCopy !req
1273. what it's like to be hurt
by a hero, don't they?Copy !req
1274. We've all been taken for granted, right?Copy !req
1275. - Yeah, bro.
- I'm relating.Copy !req
1276. Well, that's why I came
to this space prison.Copy !req
1277. To recruit the universe's greatest—Copy !req
1278. - We'll do it!
- I'm sorry?Copy !req
1279. You were going to
say something aboutCopy !req
1280. recruiting the universe's
greatest villainsCopy !req
1281. to conquer a superhero.Copy !req
1282. - Am I right?
- Uh, yeah.Copy !req
1283. - Well, we're in!
- Yay!Copy !req
1284. Really? Because I brought a PowerPoint—Copy !req
1285. Still boring!Copy !req
1286. Yeah. Just get on with it.Copy !req
1287. You want us to humiliate him?Copy !req
1288. I certainly do. Yes.Copy !req
1289. You want us to make him
grovel at your feet?Copy !req
1290. I would like to see that very much!Copy !req
1291. You want us to smite him?Copy !req
1292. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1293. You want us to make
the rivers of Gotham CityCopy !req
1294. run red with his blood?Copy !req
1295. Oh, that's—Copy !req
1296. Oh, no blood?
How do you feel about lava?Copy !req
1297. Yes! Lava.Copy !req
1298. - Done.
- Yay!Copy !req
1299. I can't wait
to crush buildings.Copy !req
1300. Excuse me. Hello?Copy !req
1301. Over here.
I don't want to be a downer,Copy !req
1302. but how exactly are we going
to get outta this place?Copy !req
1303. Oh, leave that to me.Copy !req
1304. Don't wanna jinx us,Copy !req
1305. but I'll be a lot happier when
this Phantom Zone ProjectorCopy !req
1306. is locked up tight.Copy !req
1307. Going up, ma'am?Copy !req
1308. No. You're going down!Copy !req
1309. Look out! Smash!Copy !req
1310. I guess you're right.
I am going up. Ding!Copy !req
1311. Here comes the...Copy !req
1312. Phantom Zone!Copy !req
1313. Huh?Copy !req
1314. I'm gonna go start looting.Copy !req
1315. Hello, Gotham City!Copy !req
1316. The Clown Prince of CrimeCopy !req
1317. is back!Copy !req
1318. Commissioner Gordon,
you gotta take a look at this.Copy !req
1319. What's that?Copy !req
1320. A monkey
and dog are friends.Copy !req
1321. Not that. That!Copy !req
1322. And I've come
to finally take over the city.Copy !req
1323. But in order to do that,Copy !req
1324. I need to break my friends
out of a giant, scary prison.Copy !req
1325. - Hey, guys, he means us!
- Yay!Copy !req
1326. And I ain't talking aboutCopy !req
1327. those rogue losers dressed in cosplay!Copy !req
1328. - Oh!
- Me-ouch.Copy !req
1329. I'm talking about my new peeps!Copy !req
1330. And they're just like me.Copy !req
1331. The greatest villains you'll ever see.Copy !req
1332. You wanna meet them?Copy !req
1333. - No.
- Too bad.Copy !req
1334. He's evil, he's magic,Copy !req
1335. and it's about to get tragic.Copy !req
1336. It's Voldemort.Copy !req
1337. Magic!Copy !req
1338. You are a fish.Copy !req
1339. You are a frog.Copy !req
1340. You are a fish frog.Copy !req
1341. He's a 9,000-year-old
incarnation of evil,Copy !req
1342. with an eye forjewelry.Copy !req
1343. Give it up for Sauron!Copy !req
1344. Good afternoon, Gotham City.Copy !req
1345. He likes long, violent walks
on historic buildings.Copy !req
1346. It's King Kong!Copy !req
1347. Come at me, Gotham!Copy !req
1348. Commissioner Gordon, these monsters,
they're too powerful.Copy !req
1349. Can you contain them to downtown?Copy !req
1350. That's gonna be impossible.Copy !req
1351. Half the police force are fish!Copy !req
1352. Sergeant Jackson!
Stop floppin' around!Copy !req
1353. And rounding out
the evil all-stars,Copy !req
1354. Wicked Witch!Copy !req
1355. Medusa.Copy !req
1356. And British robots!Copy !req
1357. Exterminate!Copy !req
1358. Ask your nerd friends.Copy !req
1359. Hello? Bad guys?Copy !req
1360. What a crew, huh?
And they all work for me!Copy !req
1361. Who's the greatest villain
of them all now, Batman?Copy !req
1362. Still not you.Copy !req
1363. Actually, this does look
pretty terrifying, Bat-Dad.Copy !req
1364. Whee!Copy !req
1365. Nice destruction all around.Copy !req
1366. Watch your step!Copy !req
1367. Good work, guys!Copy !req
1368. Now, all that's left for meCopy !req
1369. is to rub it in Batman's bat face.Copy !req
1370. Hey, Sauron, doesn't your flaming eyeCopy !req
1371. have a unique ability
to peer through time and space?Copy !req
1372. - Uh-huh.
- Well, I need to find Batman.Copy !req
1373. Where's homeboy's man cave?Copy !req
1374. Hmm. Give me a second.Copy !req
1375. Scary noise.Copy !req
1376. It's beneath Wayne Manor!Copy !req
1377. Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
1378. Hold on a sec.Copy !req
1379. Are you trying to tell meCopy !req
1380. that Bruce Wayne is Batman...Copy !req
1381. 's roommate?Copy !req
1382. Uh... Yeah.Copy !req
1383. Evil army, this way to the Batcave!Copy !req
1384. Good grief!Copy !req
1385. Hey, Batman!Copy !req
1386. Joker's home.Copy !req
1387. I'm rubbing my butt
all over your stuff.Copy !req
1388. We're going to have to rename this
the Butt-mobile.Copy !req
1389. Hey, evil army.Copy !req
1390. I need Batman brought here.Copy !req
1391. Now go get him!Copy !req
1392. Joker out!Copy !req
1393. Uh...Copy !req
1394. Padre?Copy !req
1395. Yeah?Copy !req
1396. Do you ever get scared?Copy !req
1397. No.Copy !req
1398. Yeah, that's what I figured,
'cause you're Batman.Copy !req
1399. Hey, kid.
You know who does get scared?Copy !req
1400. Who?Copy !req
1401. Bruce Wayne.Copy !req
1402. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1403. Bruno told me onceCopy !req
1404. that sometimes the only way
to get out of a down momentCopy !req
1405. is to start boxing.Copy !req
1406. And by "boxing," he meantCopy !req
1407. beatboxing.Copy !req
1408. Oh!Copy !req
1409. Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na...Copy !req
1410. Feel it, uh-huhCopy !req
1411. Dick Grayson on the mic, goCopy !req
1412. Oh. Um...Copy !req
1413. Oh, my gosh.
This does make me feel better.Copy !req
1414. Okay. Shh. Batman solo.Copy !req
1415. Bat, bat, bat
Can I get a bat?Copy !req
1416. Can I get a bat?
Bat...Copy !req
1417. The Bat-Fax!Copy !req
1418. Ha! The city needs me.
Bang, bang, bang!Copy !req
1419. Excuse me.Copy !req
1420. Can you get the commissioner
and show her this?Copy !req
1421. - Batman.
- Would you stop doing that?Copy !req
1422. I sent the Bat-Fax.Copy !req
1423. I hate to say this,
but you're right.Copy !req
1424. The city needs you.Copy !req
1425. Yes! Let me out.Copy !req
1426. I'm only going to let you out
on one condition.Copy !req
1427. - Name it.
- You can't do it by yourself.Copy !req
1428. Fine. Who am I working with?Copy !req
1429. Team Six? Fox Force Five?
Suicide Squad?Copy !req
1430. No. Me.Copy !req
1431. Oh, I wanna help, too!Copy !req
1432. - And I shall join as well.
- Whoa!Copy !req
1433. Alfred Pennyworth
at your service, ma'am.Copy !req
1434. - How did you—
- Alfred, you gotta let me out of here.Copy !req
1435. Sir, those creatures out there
are unlike anything we've ever seen.Copy !req
1436. Speak for yourself.
You don't know everything I've seen.Copy !req
1437. I haven't told you everything.Copy !req
1438. And you'll never be able
to defeat them alone.Copy !req
1439. And it'll be more fun
if we all do it together!Copy !req
1440. What's the worst thing
that could happen?Copy !req
1441. What are you so afraid of?Copy !req
1442. The thing I'm most afraid of?Copy !req
1443. I gotta be honest with you.
It's snake clowns.Copy !req
1444. Yeah, that's not a thing.Copy !req
1445. Well then, nothing.Copy !req
1446. - I'm not afraid of anything.
- Okay.Copy !req
1447. Prove it.Copy !req
1448. - Oh, I will.
- Good.Copy !req
1449. Do you know what the B-A-T
in Batman stands for?Copy !req
1450. - Not really.
- Best At Teamwork.Copy !req
1451. Best At Teamwork Man
is my full name.Copy !req
1452. Yay! We're going on a family trip.Copy !req
1453. This is not a family trip.Copy !req
1454. I can wear my costume, too.Copy !req
1455. Well, luckily for us,
you left your costume back at the—Copy !req
1456. - Rip!
- Oh!Copy !req
1457. Nope. Under your clothes.
That's perfect.Copy !req
1458. - Rip!
- Alfred, what are you doing?Copy !req
1459. I miss the '60s.Copy !req
1460. Hey, can Scarecrow help?Copy !req
1461. - Yeah!
- He's destroying our city, too!Copy !req
1462. Permit us to lend you assistance.Copy !req
1463. Yeah. Why don't we use these guys?Copy !req
1464. What am I gonna do?Copy !req
1465. Get a bunch of criminals together
to fight the criminals?Copy !req
1466. That's a stupid idea.Copy !req
1467. Okay, guys. Game plan.Copy !req
1468. Joker's taken the ProjectorCopy !req
1469. - to Wayne Manor.
- Wayne Manor.Copy !req
1470. Right. Thanks, Batman.Copy !req
1471. - We need that Projector.
- Projector.Copy !req
1472. Or there's no wayCopy !req
1473. - to blast these monsters...
- Monsters.Copy !req
1474. - ... back to the Phantom Zone.
- Phantom Zone? Yep.Copy !req
1475. Batman, I really don't
need you to finish my—Copy !req
1476. - Sand castles.
- No.Copy !req
1477. - Sister's homework.
- No.Copy !req
1478. - Succulent something.
- No.Copy !req
1479. Um... Everybody?Copy !req
1480. Batman is in Arkham Asylum.Copy !req
1481. Get him!Copy !req
1482. Okay, everyone, grab on to me.Copy !req
1483. Whoa!Copy !req
1484. We've gotta take cover!Copy !req
1485. Whoa!Copy !req
1486. - Joker has eyes on us.
- Where?Copy !req
1487. No! I mean,
he literally has a giant eye on us.Copy !req
1488. I think that thing
can see our every move!Copy !req
1489. Shaka-laka-Iako.Copy !req
1490. We've got to destroy it,
or we'll never make it to Wayne Manor.Copy !req
1491. Uh... Bat-Dad?Copy !req
1492. I really think you should see this.Copy !req
1493. Building survey!Copy !req
1494. This building's not up to code!Copy !req
1495. Gotcha.Copy !req
1496. Is that real lava?Copy !req
1497. I'm okay.Copy !req
1498. All right, yeah. It's 100% lava.Copy !req
1499. - Everyone, start throwing me bricks.
- Right away, sir.Copy !req
1500. - I need a 4x6. Come on, quick.
- Here you go.Copy !req
1501. - I need an elbow.
- Elbow.Copy !req
1502. Ow!Copy !req
1503. Whoo!Copy !req
1504. Yes! I did it. Pretty cool, huh?Copy !req
1505. - Batman?
- Yeah?Copy !req
1506. Why did you build this thing
with only one seat?Copy !req
1507. 'Cause last I checked,
I only had one butt. What the...Copy !req
1508. What have you done to Wayne Manor?Copy !req
1509. Hey, Batman, guess what!Copy !req
1510. I found out one of your secrets.Copy !req
1511. - Uh-oh.
- What do we have here, Batman?Copy !req
1512. It looks like a bunch
of relationship comedies.Copy !req
1513. - What's that one?
- Must Love Dogs.Copy !req
1514. Must love crying.Copy !req
1515. - Marley & Me.
- I love the ending.Copy !req
1516. Oh! Serendipity?Copy !req
1517. We have Serendipity?
I love that movie!Copy !req
1518. For a loner, Batman,Copy !req
1519. you sure like movies
about relationships!Copy !req
1520. Oh! And look what else I found!Copy !req
1521. All your wonderful toys.Copy !req
1522. Accio lightning storm!Copy !req
1523. Uh... Everyone, hold on.Copy !req
1524. Gremlins,
dismantle that plane now!Copy !req
1525. Ugly monsters on our three.Copy !req
1526. - Uh... Padre?
- Not now, kid.Copy !req
1527. Kind of got my hands full.Copy !req
1528. I've got good tone. Firing.Copy !req
1529. - Uh... Batman?
- What's up, buddy?Copy !req
1530. Are we nearly at Wayne Manor?Copy !req
1531. Why?Copy !req
1532. Uh... Your number two
needs to go number one.Copy !req
1533. I thought I told you
to go back at the prison.Copy !req
1534. - I tried, but Bane was in there.
- So?Copy !req
1535. He had sort of a "get out
of this bathroom now" vibe.Copy !req
1536. I knew I shouldn't
have given you that water.Copy !req
1537. Can you hold it in like a big boy?Copy !req
1538. Engine one down.Copy !req
1539. Not a big deal.
Don't worry about it. It's fine.Copy !req
1540. - Engine two down.
- It does that sometimes.Copy !req
1541. We've lost engine three.Copy !req
1542. Oh. Could live without it.Copy !req
1543. Engine four!Copy !req
1544. That I do need to fix.Copy !req
1545. Good news.
Our bathroom problem is solved.Copy !req
1546. You three wait here
while I go fix the engine.Copy !req
1547. Don't worry, Batman.
You fix the Batwing, I'll fly.Copy !req
1548. All good, Babs.
I've got my autopilot on it.Copy !req
1549. Done.Copy !req
1550. Autopilot?
That's just a rope!Copy !req
1551. Exactly. All right, guys.
Until I get back, rope's in charge.Copy !req
1552. Thanks, rope.Copy !req
1553. All right, let's see.
Yes, the piston brake out here.Copy !req
1554. Jet engine brake in here and...Copy !req
1555. Get out of here. No.
Give me... No! Stop it!Copy !req
1556. Come on, Master Dick.
We need to help him.Copy !req
1557. I'm with you, Grandpa!Copy !req
1558. Get off my Padre!Copy !req
1559. Unhand him,
you animatronic fiends.Copy !req
1560. What are you two doing here?
I told you to stay in the cockpit.Copy !req
1561. You disobeyed me.
You're on a timeout.Copy !req
1562. Batman, you're on a timeout.Copy !req
1563. What? Alfred, you better
un-timeout me right now!Copy !req
1564. No. Not until you un-timeout Master Dick.Copy !req
1565. Guys, you're all un-timeouted!Copy !req
1566. We have incoming!Copy !req
1567. - Sir! Watch out for those...
- What are you doing?Copy !req
1568. Okay. Everybody, timeout off.Copy !req
1569. Whoo-hoo! I've been parented.Copy !req
1570. - Batman, I can help you.
- No. Protect the rope.Copy !req
1571. The rope is fine!Copy !req
1572. Save Master Dick!Copy !req
1573. I'm fine. I'll just do
one of my gymnastics moves to...Copy !req
1574. No!Copy !req
1575. Dick...Copy !req
1576. Gotcha!Copy !req
1577. Hold on, Alfred. I'm almost there!Copy !req
1578. No!Copy !req
1579. Alfred!Copy !req
1580. No.Copy !req
1581. No!Copy !req
1582. Move over, rope.Copy !req
1583. Hold on!Copy !req
1584. Gotcha!Copy !req
1585. Barbara, did you see that?Copy !req
1586. Batrope saved Alfred.Copy !req
1587. Sick moves, rope.
I never doubted you, bro.Copy !req
1588. Actually, sir,
Ms. Gordon saved him.Copy !req
1589. Rope! You lied to me!Copy !req
1590. Wait a minute.
You mean, without you,Copy !req
1591. Alfred would have beenCopy !req
1592. street meat?Copy !req
1593. Batman, trust us.Copy !req
1594. We can do this.Copy !req
1595. - Yeah. I know Gymkata.
- Sorry, what's that?Copy !req
1596. It's a gymnastics-based martial art.Copy !req
1597. I can punch those '80s monsters
off the plane.Copy !req
1598. Uh... Okay.Copy !req
1599. Multiple bogeys on our six.Copy !req
1600. Sir, I'll get them off our back.Copy !req
1601. I was a tail gunner
for the Royal Air Force.Copy !req
1602. Locked and loaded, sir!Copy !req
1603. Good. Love that!Copy !req
1604. I got an idea.
We're gonna change course.Copy !req
1605. I want you to fly straight
into that flaming eyeball.Copy !req
1606. - What?
- Barbara, trust me.Copy !req
1607. All right. Let's do this.Copy !req
1608. We got a giant
sea monster, 12 o'clock!Copy !req
1609. Got it.Copy !req
1610. - We've got his attention.
- He's tracking us.Copy !req
1611. I've got you now.Copy !req
1612. Eat dirt!Copy !req
1613. Bob's your uncle, you ruddy duff cobblers!Copy !req
1614. Okay, Babs, this is it.Copy !req
1615. Fly us straight into that eye,
and wait for my signal.Copy !req
1616. Can it come now?Copy !req
1617. Can we make the signal thing happen?Copy !req
1618. Almost there.Copy !req
1619. Almost there!Copy !req
1620. - Fire!
- Almost there!Copy !req
1621. That fire's coming in hot!Copy !req
1622. Hot, hot, hot!Copy !req
1623. Now! Barbara, dive bomb!Copy !req
1624. My eye!Copy !req
1625. Sauron!Copy !req
1626. Nothing to see.Copy !req
1627. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
1628. - Yes! That was so rad!
- We did it, everyone!Copy !req
1629. That was so great! Go team!Copy !req
1630. Come on, let's hear it for us!Copy !req
1631. That was incredible!Copy !req
1632. I felt so jazzed!Copy !req
1633. I say "jazzed"!Copy !req
1634. I gotta give it to you, Batman.
That was awesome.Copy !req
1635. - Ha! And you were awesome.
- Thanks.Copy !req
1636. - And you were awesome.
- I love compliments!Copy !req
1637. And you were awesome,
and I was amazing.Copy !req
1638. I'm not trying to make it
about myself, obviously.Copy !req
1639. But I just wanna make sure
that everyone gets a pat on the back.Copy !req
1640. - Because it feels good.
- It does feel good.Copy !req
1641. You had a good idea, you had a good idea,Copy !req
1642. and you had a good idea,
and I had a great idea.Copy !req
1643. You know what, I think that collectively,
I'm gonna add...Copy !req
1644. one.Copy !req
1645. - No way!
- Yes!Copy !req
1646. Man, that feels good.Copy !req
1647. Best team ever!Copy !req
1648. Let's take a photo!
All right, everyone, squeeze together.Copy !req
1649. Hang on a second.Copy !req
1650. - Nice and close!
- I gotta get my pump on.Copy !req
1651. - It's worth it.
- Okay, everybody in?Copy !req
1652. These abs are no fluke.Copy !req
1653. Everyone say, "Bat Family!"Copy !req
1654. Bat Family!Copy !req
1655. Ooh, let's take a look!Copy !req
1656. Look at that!Copy !req
1657. - Splendid.
- Wow.Copy !req
1658. Didn't it turn out great?Copy !req
1659. Hey, guys! It's my first family photo!Copy !req
1660. - Hey, Bat-Dad.
- Oh!Copy !req
1661. Whoa. What are you doing?Copy !req
1662. I'm trying to give you a big, old H-U-G.Copy !req
1663. Okay, just...Copy !req
1664. Batman, are you okay?Copy !req
1665. Yeah, I'm fine.Copy !req
1666. We are just one big happyCopy !req
1667. fraternity of people
who did an awesome job together.Copy !req
1668. I can't think of any other way
to put that.Copy !req
1669. - Cool.
- So, guys, listen up!Copy !req
1670. Taking the Projector from the JokerCopy !req
1671. is gonna be our most
dangerous mission yet.Copy !req
1672. - A family battle mission!
- Right.Copy !req
1673. Salvage what you can out of the Scuttler,
and maybe root around,Copy !req
1674. see if you can find
a few Vitamin waters or something,Copy !req
1675. and then we'll head out.Copy !req
1676. - Right away, sir.
- Anything for you, Padre.Copy !req
1677. I think I'll need snowshoes.Copy !req
1678. Yeah, I don't think you'll need snowshoes,
but could you grab that flashlight?Copy !req
1679. - Batman?
- Padre?Copy !req
1680. Sir?Copy !req
1681. What are you doing?
Hey, Batman.Copy !req
1682. Please, wait!Copy !req
1683. 'Puter.Copy !req
1684. Yes, sir?Copy !req
1685. I'm locking in some coordinates now.Copy !req
1686. Take the Scuttler to the taco standCopy !req
1687. on the border of Gotham City
and Blüdhaven.Copy !req
1688. No!Copy !req
1689. I want you to get these guys
a couple of chimichangasCopy !req
1690. - and three Jarritos.
- Sir!Copy !req
1691. And then keep them there until this
whole attack on Gotham City blows over.Copy !req
1692. Padre, please. Don't do this!Copy !req
1693. Batman, you need us!Copy !req
1694. How many times I gotta tell you?Copy !req
1695. Batman works alone.Copy !req
1696. No, we have to stick together.Copy !req
1697. Please.Copy !req
1698. Now go on, Scuttler. Go!Copy !req
1699. - Go! Just get outta here.
- Batman.Copy !req
1700. - Padre!
- Get moving!Copy !req
1701. Please!Copy !req
1702. Just go.Copy !req
1703. Batman! Please, wait!Copy !req
1704. Scuttler, move out!Copy !req
1705. You're doing the wrong thing!Copy !req
1706. - Listen to me! Don't do this!
- Sir, please. Sir!Copy !req
1707. No!Copy !req
1708. Scanning for intruders.
Scanning for intruders.Copy !req
1709. Scanning for intruders.Copy !req
1710. Hi, Bats.Copy !req
1711. What have you done to my...Copy !req
1712. Bruce Wayne's house?Copy !req
1713. You'd better hope he's a cool guy
and doesn't go crazy.Copy !req
1714. What happened to all your friends?Copy !req
1715. I don't need friends.
I don't need anyone to stop you.Copy !req
1716. Are you sure about that?Copy !req
1717. Look in the mirror, Batman.Copy !req
1718. When I saw you working
with your friend-family,Copy !req
1719. I actually thought you'd changed.Copy !req
1720. But, no.Copy !req
1721. You pushed them away.Copy !req
1722. You've run away from every other person
in your life.Copy !req
1723. But I'm the one you're always chasing.Copy !req
1724. Is this about that stupid
"greatest enemy" thing?Copy !req
1725. No, it's not.Copy !req
1726. Not anymore.Copy !req
1727. You tell him, Joker!Copy !req
1728. It's time for a fresh start.Copy !req
1729. He's not worth it.Copy !req
1730. I think after 78 years,
I deserve respect!Copy !req
1731. That is right. Respect!Copy !req
1732. Do you realize that you have never onceCopy !req
1733. said the words,Copy !req
1734. "I hate you, Joker"?Copy !req
1735. Not once.Copy !req
1736. Well, I am starting to feel
pretty annoyed with you right now.Copy !req
1737. That's for darn sure.Copy !req
1738. Annoyed is not the same thing!Copy !req
1739. Listen, Batman.Copy !req
1740. I...Copy !req
1741. hate you.Copy !req
1742. - Aww!
- That's nice.Copy !req
1743. Now you say it.Copy !req
1744. Me, too.Copy !req
1745. You won't. You won't change.Copy !req
1746. 'Cause you can't.
You won't, and you can't.Copy !req
1747. Batman will never change.Copy !req
1748. You know what, boo-boo?
Just shut it down.Copy !req
1749. These diseased lunatics are right.Copy !req
1750. Yes, we are!Copy !req
1751. I am not gonna be partCopy !req
1752. of a one-sided relationship any longer!Copy !req
1753. - Yes!
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
1754. - You and I are done!
- What is wrong with you?Copy !req
1755. I'm moving on!Copy !req
1756. That's ridiculous.Copy !req
1757. And on my way out,Copy !req
1758. I'm gonna blow up Gotham City!Copy !req
1759. No. You're not serious.Copy !req
1760. Wingardium Leviosa!Copy !req
1761. No!Copy !req
1762. You know what?
For once, Batman, you're right.Copy !req
1763. I'm not your greatest enemy.Copy !req
1764. Your greatest enemyCopy !req
1765. is you.Copy !req
1766. - Goodbye, Batman.
- Wait a minute. Hold on a second.Copy !req
1767. Good for you, boo-boo!Copy !req
1768. - Yay!
- Everybody, get a bomb. Let's go.Copy !req
1769. - Bomb, bomb, bomb. Let's bomb it out.
- Yay!Copy !req
1770. Say goodbye, Gotham City!Copy !req
1771. - Whoa.
- Hi!Copy !req
1772. Whoa!Copy !req
1773. Oh, I am so sorry.Copy !req
1774. It was all my fault, I keep doing that.Copy !req
1775. Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy.Copy !req
1776. What are you talking about?Copy !req
1777. I'm not a bad guy.Copy !req
1778. But you're all in black.
You have a cape.Copy !req
1779. And you wear a big, scary mask.Copy !req
1780. Well, I'm not.Copy !req
1781. And you kicked me in the face.Copy !req
1782. Listen, I'm Batman.Copy !req
1783. Oof! You even sound like a bad guy.Copy !req
1784. I swear, I am a good guy.Copy !req
1785. Okay, Mr. Batman.Copy !req
1786. Hold still while I scan you.Copy !req
1787. Scanning for badness.Copy !req
1788. Yes, sir?Copy !req
1789. - You're super nimble, right?
- I sure am!Copy !req
1790. And 110% expendable?Copy !req
1791. I don't know what that means, but okay.Copy !req
1792. - How'd I do, Dad?
- Mediocre.Copy !req
1793. - Yes!
- And don't call me Dad.Copy !req
1794. Sorry.Copy !req
1795. Alfred, put that kid
on the next jet to the orphanage.Copy !req
1796. But doesn't he deserve a chance
for someone to take him under their wing,Copy !req
1797. as I took you under mine?Copy !req
1798. Listen, you don't have a family.Copy !req
1799. So what do you know about
having a surrogate son?Copy !req
1800. Batman!Copy !req
1801. We have to stick together.Copy !req
1802. Please.Copy !req
1803. Joker, you mean nothing to me.Copy !req
1804. No one does.Copy !req
1805. Huh. You're not a traditional bad guy.Copy !req
1806. But you're not exactly a good guy, either.Copy !req
1807. - Batman?
- Padre?Copy !req
1808. You even abandoned your friends.Copy !req
1809. What?Copy !req
1810. Go on, Scuttler. Go.Copy !req
1811. - Batman, no. No!
- Don't do this!Copy !req
1812. Abandoned? No.Copy !req
1813. No, I was trying to protect them.Copy !req
1814. By pushing them away?Copy !req
1815. Well, yeah.Copy !req
1816. Are they really
the ones you're protecting?Copy !req
1817. Computer, Batman's in danger.Copy !req
1818. Please, Computer, take us back!Copy !req
1819. Do you really want the man
who made you to come to harm?Copy !req
1820. Batman programmed me
to obey him.Copy !req
1821. But he didn't say to not not rescue him.Copy !req
1822. What are they doing?Copy !req
1823. Come on, guys. Let's hustle.Copy !req
1824. Gotham City's not gonna blow itself up.Copy !req
1825. Well, hello!Copy !req
1826. 'Puter, go to super-secret stealth mode.Copy !req
1827. - Hold on!
- No!Copy !req
1828. Evil buddies, those are my last three
painful reminders of Batman.Copy !req
1829. Run!Copy !req
1830. Come on, Alfred. This way.Copy !req
1831. Wait, where's Dick?Copy !req
1832. The little guy? He's over there.Copy !req
1833. Initializing Batcave
operating system.Copy !req
1834. What's he doing?Copy !req
1835. I've gotta save my family!Copy !req
1836. Just think.Copy !req
1837. - What would Batman do?
- What?Copy !req
1838. I know. Not listen to anyone else.
Be mean to people.Copy !req
1839. Destroy as much property as possible.Copy !req
1840. Talk in a really low, gravelly voice.Copy !req
1841. And go it alone.Copy !req
1842. Kid, don't do that.Copy !req
1843. Atomic batteries to power.Copy !req
1844. Turbines to speed.Copy !req
1845. Don't do what I would do!Copy !req
1846. I never even taught you how to drive!Copy !req
1847. Hold on a second, Brick Lady.Copy !req
1848. I'm so sorry.
I need to get down there and stop this.Copy !req
1849. I can't let you go.
My boss will be really mad at me.Copy !req
1850. Yeah. But I bet
your boss would be happyCopy !req
1851. if you were able to get
all those bad guys back in here.Copy !req
1852. Hmm. She sure would.Copy !req
1853. Then let me try.
Let me get down there and help them.Copy !req
1854. But haven't you tried that before?Copy !req
1855. This way, Alfred.Copy !req
1856. You do the same thing over and over.Copy !req
1857. What's gonna change?Copy !req
1858. No!Copy !req
1859. I know what I need to do.Copy !req
1860. Just give me 24 hours,
and I'll come back.Copy !req
1861. Whoa!Copy !req
1862. You've gotta let me go
down there and save them.Copy !req
1863. I'll do whatever you want.Copy !req
1864. - Please.
- Exterminate!Copy !req
1865. Please.Copy !req
1866. Okay, but I need all the bad guys
locked up in here.Copy !req
1867. I promise.Copy !req
1868. And I mean all of them.Copy !req
1869. One of these buttons
has to save my friends.Copy !req
1870. Self-destruct mode activated.Copy !req
1871. Self what?Copy !req
1872. - Master Dick!
- No!Copy !req
1873. Dick!Copy !req
1874. Look who's bat!Copy !req
1875. What?Copy !req
1876. Everyone okay? Dick, Alfred, Barbara.Copy !req
1877. - Are you guys—
- We're fine, Batman.Copy !req
1878. Listen, I just wanted to sayCopy !req
1879. that I'm really,Copy !req
1880. really, really,Copy !req
1881. really, really, really,Copy !req
1882. really, really...Copy !req
1883. s-s-s...Copy !req
1884. Soooo...Copy !req
1885. Sorry?Copy !req
1886. Yeah. Whoo! I did it!Copy !req
1887. I don't even know why
you bothered coming back.Copy !req
1888. I wasCopy !req
1889. afraid.Copy !req
1890. What?Copy !req
1891. The reason I came backCopy !req
1892. was the same reason I left you.Copy !req
1893. I was afraidCopy !req
1894. of feelingCopy !req
1895. the pain you feelCopy !req
1896. when you loseCopy !req
1897. someone close to you.Copy !req
1898. Gotham needs us.Copy !req
1899. So I came back to do this.Copy !req
1900. Flip.Copy !req
1901. Flip? What is that? I don't...Copy !req
1902. You gotta turn around.Copy !req
1903. I call it the Babs-Signal.Copy !req
1904. And I'm flipping the switch for you.Copy !req
1905. Because saving this city
is too big a job for one person.Copy !req
1906. Flip, flip.Copy !req
1907. So, what do you say, Commish?Copy !req
1908. Will you work with me?Copy !req
1909. I need your help.Copy !req
1910. I thought you'd never ask.Copy !req
1911. I'm very, very proud of you, sir.Copy !req
1912. But there's still only four of us
against Joker's entire army.Copy !req
1913. That's why I called in some backup.Copy !req
1914. Flip! Flip! Flip! Flip!Copy !req
1915. - Whoa!
- We saw your signal,Copy !req
1916. and we came to help.Copy !req
1917. Joker may be done with us,
but we're not done with him.Copy !req
1918. We will be the Joker's reckoning.Copy !req
1919. Joker said mean stuff to us.Copy !req
1920. You were right, Barbara.Copy !req
1921. It takes a village. Not a Batman.Copy !req
1922. Okay. Everybody, listen up.Copy !req
1923. These monsters want to destroy
Gotham City.Copy !req
1924. That's right.
We need sick new vehicles.Copy !req
1925. An arsenal of advanced weaponry.Copy !req
1926. Costumes that suit
our individual personalities.Copy !req
1927. Rip!Copy !req
1928. And code names
to use on our walkie-talkies.Copy !req
1929. Call it out!Copy !req
1930. Your name is Lady Bat.Copy !req
1931. - Lady Bat?
- Bat Lady.Copy !req
1932. - Veto! Nope. What?
- El Batarina. Soccer Mom... Bat?Copy !req
1933. How about a cool costume?Copy !req
1934. Nice!Copy !req
1935. That one's called Batgirl.Copy !req
1936. If you call me Batgirl,
can I call you Batboy?Copy !req
1937. And lastly, a coordinated attack strategy,Copy !req
1938. and a kick-butt theme song!Copy !req
1939. Robin?Copy !req
1940. My superhero code name.Copy !req
1941. Oh, yeah. Hit it!Copy !req
1942. Got it!Copy !req
1943. No!Copy !req
1944. Absolutely not.Copy !req
1945. This music is filling me with rage.Copy !req
1946. Let's use it!Copy !req
1947. All right, team. I'm going to need to
know your special powers.Copy !req
1948. I'm a giant clay person!Copy !req
1949. - I'm irritating.
- I have a sack for a face.Copy !req
1950. I make unpredictable decisions.Copy !req
1951. I raise the stakes!Copy !req
1952. I can squirt ketchup!Copy !req
1953. Nice! Orca.Copy !req
1954. I'm a whale!Copy !req
1955. Oh, we got this covered!Copy !req
1956. Go team!Copy !req
1957. Whale, yeah!Copy !req
1958. Shh. Quiet.Copy !req
1959. Who's laying down those funky beats?Copy !req
1960. - We are!
- Meow, meow!Copy !req
1961. Batman?Copy !req
1962. Evil army, get rid of them!Copy !req
1963. Team Gotham Family,Copy !req
1964. activate!Copy !req
1965. Voldy's got this.Copy !req
1966. Here we go!Copy !req
1967. Yeah!Copy !req
1968. Bombarda!Copy !req
1969. Smash! Smash! Smash!Copy !req
1970. - Whoa.
- Batman, take out Joker's bomb.Copy !req
1971. I'll get that Projector!Copy !req
1972. 10-4, Co-Go.Copy !req
1973. Freeze, Clayface, take this guy out!Copy !req
1974. Coming through!Copy !req
1975. Okay, Alfred, bring the pain.Copy !req
1976. Bringing it, sir. For Queen and country!Copy !req
1977. You just got Union Jacked!Copy !req
1978. Robin, get ready.Copy !req
1979. I'm about to teach you
some father-and-son stuff.Copy !req
1980. First, driving.Copy !req
1981. - Put your hands at 10 and 2.
- Okay.Copy !req
1982. Now, fly! Turn left!Copy !req
1983. Run over these skeletons.Copy !req
1984. Now drive up the wall!Copy !req
1985. - Great driving.
- Thanks, Padre.Copy !req
1986. Yeah!Copy !req
1987. Okay, Robin.Copy !req
1988. Together, we're gonna
punch these guys so hard,Copy !req
1989. words describing the impactCopy !req
1990. are gonna spontaneously materialize
out of thin air.Copy !req
1991. Yeah!Copy !req
1992. Yes! Yes! Yes!Copy !req
1993. High five!Copy !req
1994. Stop moving around, you Muggles.Copy !req
1995. All right, team, let's shut him down.Copy !req
1996. Orca! You're up, baby!Copy !req
1997. You wanna see a magic trick?Copy !req
1998. I'm gonna make you disappear.Copy !req
1999. - Wingardium Levio...
- Me-yoink!Copy !req
2000. Wingardium Levio... Shut up!Copy !req
2001. No!Copy !req
2002. Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy!Copy !req
2003. Fudgecake!Copy !req
2004. Whoo!
Here we go, Bat Team!Copy !req
2005. Batman, think fast!Copy !req
2006. Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy!Copy !req
2007. Robin, go long.Copy !req
2008. - Nice grab.
- Yeah!Copy !req
2009. Oh, my gosh. Yes!Copy !req
2010. Here you go, Grandpa.Copy !req
2011. Hey, Batman!Copy !req
2012. Get off my padre!Copy !req
2013. It wasn't useless after all.Copy !req
2014. End this, Batgirl!Copy !req
2015. Adiós, shark.Copy !req
2016. Okay, BRB, guys.
I'm gonna go defuse that—Copy !req
2017. This is the end of Gotham City!Copy !req
2018. As I predicted, we're doomed!Copy !req
2019. We're not doomed. I got this.Copy !req
2020. Everyone, grab on to me.Copy !req
2021. Gotcha.Copy !req
2022. Come on, guys.
We need to hold this city together.Copy !req
2023. Batrope, no!Copy !req
2024. Everybody, run!Copy !req
2025. No! We have to stick together.Copy !req
2026. Right, Batman?Copy !req
2027. We need to use our heads!Copy !req
2028. Maybe we should build something together.Copy !req
2029. - Heads.
- Stick together.Copy !req
2030. - Build something.
- Together.Copy !req
2031. - Build.
- Together. Together.Copy !req
2032. We should build something together.Copy !req
2033. I got it.Copy !req
2034. You're right, Babs.
We need to stick together.Copy !req
2035. Literally.Copy !req
2036. Robin, quick. Give me a boost.Copy !req
2037. On it, Padre.Copy !req
2038. We're gonna stick together,
using our heads,Copy !req
2039. and the most powerful weapon of all.Copy !req
2040. Shredded abs. Let's do this.Copy !req
2041. - Meow, meow.
- Yeah, let's do this.Copy !req
2042. - Ready?
- Here we go.Copy !req
2043. You got this, Alfred?Copy !req
2044. Yes, sir. Abs of steel.Copy !req
2045. Great! Now you bend,Copy !req
2046. and I'll grab the other side!Copy !req
2047. No!Copy !req
2048. - Batman, what's going on?
- Are you okay?Copy !req
2049. I've got you.Copy !req
2050. Joker!Copy !req
2051. Please, help us!Copy !req
2052. No! I'm not gonna help you.Copy !req
2053. At least if this city is destroyed,
I'll die knowingCopy !req
2054. I'm your greatest enemy!Copy !req
2055. I'm gonna have to die to know it.Copy !req
2056. Shut up, Joker! If there's no Gotham,Copy !req
2057. then I'll never get to fight you again.Copy !req
2058. What?Copy !req
2059. You're the reason why I get up
at 4:00 in the afternoonCopy !req
2060. and pump iron
until my chest is positively sick.Copy !req
2061. You're the reason I've given upCopy !req
2062. a life spent with Russian ballerinas
and lady activewear models.Copy !req
2063. And if it wasn't for you,Copy !req
2064. I never would have learned how connected
I am with all these people.Copy !req
2065. And you.Copy !req
2066. So if you help me save Gotham,Copy !req
2067. you'll help me save us.Copy !req
2068. You just said "us."Copy !req
2069. Yeah. Batman and the Joker.Copy !req
2070. What do you say?Copy !req
2071. You had me at shut up.Copy !req
2072. How are your abs, bro?Copy !req
2073. Too much flab, not enough ab.
Why?Copy !req
2074. Because I need you to crunch them.Copy !req
2075. Citizens of Gotham,Copy !req
2076. we need all of you to join us
and help bring this city back together.Copy !req
2077. I'm just gonna come right out and say it.Copy !req
2078. I hate you, Joker.Copy !req
2079. - I hate you, too.
- I hate you more.Copy !req
2080. I hate you the most.Copy !req
2081. I hate you forever.Copy !req
2082. Splendid!Copy !req
2083. We did it, everyone!Copy !req
2084. Bane is feeling warm and fuzzy.Copy !req
2085. Padre,Copy !req
2086. where are you going?Copy !req
2087. I made a promise.Copy !req
2088. I gotta go back to the Phantom Zone.Copy !req
2089. Sorry, kid.Copy !req
2090. Padre, please.Copy !req
2091. Don't call me Padre.Copy !req
2092. Okay.Copy !req
2093. Call me...Copy !req
2094. Dads.Copy !req
2095. My two dads are the same dad.Copy !req
2096. But they're both leaving.Copy !req
2097. It's gonna be okay, kid.Copy !req
2098. Sometimes, losing people is part of life.Copy !req
2099. But that doesn't mean
you stop letting them in.Copy !req
2100. Some very wise people taught me that.Copy !req
2101. My father figure.Copy !req
2102. My platonic coworker buddy,Copy !req
2103. who's a girl, but just a friend.Copy !req
2104. And you.Copy !req
2105. Mi hijo.Copy !req
2106. It's SpanishCopy !req
2107. for "son."Copy !req
2108. This is my family,Copy !req
2109. but it's your family, too.Copy !req
2110. Do you have a knife?Copy !req
2111. Why?Copy !req
2112. 'Cause someone needs to cut the tension
between the two of us immediately.Copy !req
2113. Okay. I deserved that.Copy !req
2114. - Hi.
- Wait a minute.Copy !req
2115. What's going on?Copy !req
2116. I came back, just like I said I would.Copy !req
2117. You know, Mr. Batman,Copy !req
2118. when you're a talking brick,
working at the Phantom Zone,Copy !req
2119. you see a lot of crazy things.Copy !req
2120. But I've finally seen a man,Copy !req
2121. in order to make the world
a better place,Copy !req
2122. take a look at himself
and make a change.Copy !req
2123. Who?Copy !req
2124. - Superman.
- What?Copy !req
2125. I'm kidding. It's you.Copy !req
2126. Well, I guess I'll be seeing you
on the streets, Batman.Copy !req
2127. I guess so. Catch you later, Joker.Copy !req
2128. Let's go, gang.Copy !req
2129. Wait a minute,Copy !req
2130. we're not just gonna
let these criminals go, right?Copy !req
2131. Ah, come on, Commish. Let's face it.Copy !req
2132. Those guys are no match
for the four of us.Copy !req
2133. We'll give them a 30-minute head start.Copy !req
2134. Besides, you can't fight crime
on an empty stomach.Copy !req
2135. Hey, Computer?Copy !req
2136. We're home!Copy !req
2137. What is the password?Copy !req
2138. Iron Man sucks!Copy !req
2139. When Dad and me were fighting,
I was giving them my best one-liners.Copy !req
2140. YouCopy !req
2141. complete me.Copy !req
2142. Holy family photo, Batman. I love it!Copy !req
2143. White.Copy !req
2144. All important movies end
with a white screen.Copy !req
2145. And tying up loose ends.Copy !req
2146. We're coming for you, Gotham City!Copy !req
2147. Like this snake clowns bit.Copy !req
2148. - Snake clowns?
- Told you they were real.Copy !req
2149. Did you stick wigs onto snakes?Copy !req
2150. - Maybe.
- That is so weird.Copy !req
2151. Can I play that song
I wrote for the end credits?Copy !req
2152. - That is a hard pass.
- Come on.Copy !req
2153. No!Copy !req
2154. Let the kid play
whatever music he wants.Copy !req
2155. - No, no, no!
- Please?Copy !req
2156. - No.
- Padre?Copy !req
2157. Fine. 'Puter.Copy !req
2158. Okay, sir.Copy !req
2159. Yay!Copy !req
2160. Now playing
Robin's happy, poppy music.Copy !req
2161. The kind that makes
parents and studio executives happy.Copy !req
2162. Come on, everyone!Copy !req
2163. - Come on, Batman!
- No!Copy !req
2164. Wow, that was fun!Copy !req
2165. Really hope nobody was recording that.Copy !req
2166. Let me see. Oh, this thing is on.
This thing is recording.Copy !req
2167. English - SDHCopy !req